#dont ask why it's in my most recents
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I love the sad man
#i stared at my screensaver for so long as i drew this#teehee#my art#peter b parker#spiderman into the spiderverse#wife 💖🥹#🧍♂️. i almost put the pregnant man emoji#dont ask why it's in my most recents
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If you want my opinion, I think we should give Lone Wolf the benefit of the doubt, yes it does look a little bit cheap in some areas but the game does look pretty fun and both the art and characters are still on point. Alice and Sammy are also returning so that’s a plus! I think it’s best that we stay optimistic for this game and Bendy’s future.
That's fair and I respect your opinion, I think my thing is I'm worried people are too optimistic about Bendy's future games being better than the ones they've already created because the team behind Bendy is very anti-listening to feedback. Which means it's likely these games won't improve unless fans make a bigger push to be more critical of them and show the devs they won't spend their money unless the team can prove they care about this franchise and aren't gonna let the polish drain just because it makes more money.
I criticize Bendy not because I want it to die or be bad, I only do it because I hope one day either 1. A competitor rises up and gives the fans essentially a better version of Bendy that they deserve and they can use my feedback and others to see where it can be improved. or 2. The bendy team listens to my feedback and the general fandom's to make future games better. Plus generally get their act together.
As it stands the trailer is rushed and cheap, which is bad because a trailer for a game should be the most polished part of the affair. I mean this is what is supposed to convince people to buy the game when it comes out! I had the same problems with The Cage and I'm unhappy to see this becoming a pattern. [I mean that's a game I'm even more confident is going to horribly crash and burn cause I honestly don't know why'd they make a midquel to a game which everyone hated the ending of-]
Look. I understand some people feel a sort of loyalty to the Bendy devs, it's hard not to feel like you're in some sort of friendship when it comes to such a small indie team. But at the end of the day you have to remember defending them when they mess up only gives them more reasons to ignore feedback and most of all you don't know Mike or Meatly as people outside of what they Choose to show in their public image. So when the public image they've crafted is one that's bad and leaves people worried about how the games they're making are gonna turn out. Nobody can be blamed but them. And if you really care about them and/or Bendy it's better to boost feedback even if it's negative.
Like sure Sammy and Malice are returning but look at the treatment they got in Dark Revival! Meatly and Mike have never addressed how poorly done the original characters were in that game and I think it's cause far as they're concerned it was perfectly fine and people are complaining about nothing. [That or enough people didn't seem to care for it to matter to them whether that point was valid or not] Despite the fact Sammy was shot down for a gag after finally speaking up [and was in a ton of Dark Revival marketing material] and Malice was nothing more than a rip off of her chapter 3 self with no interesting changes, we never got to hear her thoughts on how the world is doing, on how she feels now hearing her enemy, the ink demon, was supposedly killed, or on Wilson, the keepers, etc. I mean it was a huge waste and with the promise Sammy will be 'restored to his Chapter 2 glory' I want to call this poor writing out now rather than wait for the cage to come out and pretend I never saw it coming.
Criticism is a good thing for Bendy, we should embrace it rather than shunning or discouraging it. I hope most of us can agree on that. Even if I seem harsh, I would rather lean towards that, than risk going too easy with my words and being ignored by the devs.
#ramblez#feel free to reblog!#batim#batdr#bendy lone wolf#bendy and the ink machine#boris and the dark survival#bendy and the dark revival#I hope this doesnt seem too harsh this person was being fairly polite its just that its a little frustrating when ppl are like#but why cant we just ignore the red flags and its like I understand ur trying to say think positive#but ignoring red flags esp abt a game people are gonna spend money on just feels kinda crappy#like no I dont want to mislead people into thinking I liked this trailer I did not and I wanted to say why and why I think Bendy is getting#worse by also talking abt the trends its following with recent releases and such#if others disagree thats fine but telling me I should be more positive just kinda feels sometimes like Im being told to shut up#esp being told to give the benefit of the doubt to a team who has not earned it at all like Im sorry but no I will not#they are not to be trusted I dont trust them and I dont think anyone else should either#I cant stop those people obviously but like u cant tell me to give them the benefit of the doubt and then have the most mild#defenses of the trailer on how it brought 2 characters back and looks fun#also Im not sure I agree on the art considering the animations look p bad but agree to disagree I suppose#anyways if anyone reads all this um if u check my ramblez tag u can see the og post I made on that trailer the ask is refrencing#okay bye-
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i wish people misunderstanding and misinterpreting my words wasnt as bad of a stress trigger for me as it is but holy fuck there are few things that make me fly off the rails more lmao
#and like i dont mean in cases where i worded something poorly or made an obscure reference that they didnt get#i mean like when i say exactly wtf i mean and it gets perceived as something completely different#because the other person was straight up not paying attention#like the other day my new coworker and i were talking about music and i asked how many concerts she's been to#and the question she answered was ''what's your FAVOURITE concert that you've been to''#even though that was literally not the question i asked#this one didn't actually make me that mad but it's just the most recent example i can think of#listen i get it sometimes you're tired and distracted and your conversation skills aren't all there#i mostly get mad when it's the same people doing this shit to me consistently#(read: my mom and my ex-fiancee)#like holy fuck why do i even bother having a relationship with you if half our conversations are gonna be one-sided#why am i wasting my breath talking to someone who can't be assed to actually fucking listen#are you just too cool to listen? do you even care what i have to say?#again it feels like a dumb thing to get mad over#but that's just the comorbid hpd/cptsd way i s'pose#order in the court#personal
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Honestly, having good days like this is good for me mentally. Because not only does it put my usual struggles into perspective, forcing me to accept that I have a tendency to severely downplay just how much they impede me... but it also gives me perspective about my self perceived laziness.
Like, the fact that I become almost abnormally productive and energetic compared even to abled people the very instant that my pain and all of the other issues are all gone? I'm not lazy! And I know logically that teachers telling me that over and over growing up was wrong, but it still shocks me in new ways to this day just how deeply ingrained this perception of myself is.
Like, is it laziness? Or am I just averse to doing things that will physically punish me? Today reminded me that it's very much the latter.
#and its not even an overcompensation thing#i am genuinely ambitious and energetic by nature! in fact i think thats part of why i still manage to do some things#im also optimistic at heart because im always excited to try new things and dont really fear failure or being bad at it#i guess persistent is another fitting word#ALL THAT TO SAY today is most likely what i would be like all the time if i wasnt ill!#and so i once more ask myself: in what world could 'lazy' ever be remotely true#its strange how vindicated i feel rn but its so like#idk ive been so down this whole year but recently theres been a major turnaround mentally#i cant explain it but i feel like theres a new level of self acceptance after today#that its not all in my head and that im not making a bigger deal out of my issues than is valid#because if i were anywhere near healthy i would live like today EVERY day without even thinking about it#silvi talks
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It sucks when you learn something new which might be the answer to a question you've had for a while but you don't even know where to start to see if it really is the answer.
#liv won't shut up#the context: i am a white & from the us. but i have dark hair eyes & skin. dark enough skin that i get asked a lot if i'm latina. usually#latina (which i think matches my appearance the most) but i've gotten native american pakistani (okay that one makes no sense but whatever)#& a few others. thing is i know a lot of my family history. my family has been in the us for quite a few generations but before that my#ancestors were from england & scandinavia mainly though due to history i can assume i have french & german ancestry as well. & um these#countries arent known for dark complexions. so then ppl are always surprised. convo usually goes like this#person: where are you from?#me: the us#person: & your parents? what is your ancestry?#me: my family has been here for generations but before that they were from england & scandinavia mainly.#person: really? because you don't look like it. you look latina. where did your complexion come from?#me: idk how would i know?#well i recently learned about a group in scandinavia called the sami. they're originally from siberia but many moved to scandinavia#centuries ago. & they have darker complexions. so now i'm wondering if at some point i had ancestors that were sami from scandinavia#& if there genes just kept getting passed down until me#but man i do not have the time to figure that out#like i dont *need* to know i'll be fine. but i've always been curious & it would give me an answer to tell ppl that ask#also btw it isnt just white americans asking if i'm poc. lots of poc ask too. i'm working at a mexican restaurant & i get asked all the tim#there if i'm latina bc “i look like everyone else there”#but it would be nice to have an answer besides “idk” when someone asks why i have my complexion#at least i know what line it comes from. my dad & grandpa look like me too#& also got asked a lot if they were latino. even more than me. my grandpa is from southern arizona. we have a white american as heck last#name so everyone thought his dad was american & his mom mexican (nope). then he moved when he married my grandma to my grandmas#home town so then all of them saw this guy from arizona moving in with darker skin & also assumed he was at the least biracial.#then ppl thought my dad was biracial too bc he's the son of the random arizonan with darker skin#so i know wherever i got this gene comes from came via my grandpa
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Where's that one Ford art post thats like I'm in the best years of my life clutching a hot pink thermos thingy with hot gurl juice when he's clearly not. cause damn . Yeah
#ive got it actually downloaded on my phone. so dont actually need it forwarded to me. but also#christ man what day. what a life. what am i doing man. im so exhausted. trying to figure out my masters. which like. UGH first pushed to#do things and then im like oh okay yeah makes sense ill do it and then suddenly people are like a YEAR LATER wait what do u actually want.#like. idk man i do enjoy what im doing and enjoying myself. but also fuck im tired. but also i would be excited to do further work on what#im doing. like. i get my aunt dying recently has suddenly all my other aunts reassesing their lives but its just like. yeah and now suddenly#youre reluctant about the shit youve pushed on me huh#and CHRIST the stress of figuring how the dynamics work since everythings changed up here and ive gotta move AGAIN#and the oma needing to be medivac'd out today like fuck man. and then i fucking went to craft night and started weavibg a basket#like. what the fuck man. and then finished two typesets.#ughhhhhh. and was like damn i needed to make those hours for work today but whatever i guess. tomorrow it is#me w my sad little micky of liquor and my laptop for typesetting and antique roadshow on in the background trying to relax#omas probably fine but CHRIST last i was in they were like shes fucking dying. okay wait shes a little better no one else is in can u#look after her. horribly stressful#yeah. sure. prime of my life. to stress out about everything.#hugin personal#had a breif moment sitting on my bed where everything dropped away and i was like damn what the fuck am i doing. what is going on.#how am i still moving. anyways. i think i need a vacation#its fine its just been a long few months and things keep piling up and im supposed to be making importnat life decisions and i feel like an#impaled beastie on a fork writhing around. AND im not home so i dont got my snuggly boy to cuddle. i just need some sleep i think#the prof i was thinking of supervising me seemed super nice... and talking to stydent this week also where nice and only had nice things#to say. idk man also been thinking this week about growing up and never having your work being acknowledged. its just why havent you not#done that. like. damn. dont think i can recall my dad every saying im proud of you. ughhh some ways good to be out of the house since dads#stressful af to be around and the parents still arent sure about maybe getting a divorce but its also awkward af dynamics here#the rents seem fine for the most part but yeesh. the fall was not good. also i miss my boyyyyyy#anyways. yeah classic NDN thing of your life being fucking run by your aunties somehow work wise#also being asked point blank what i want was like fuck man. what do i want. can u just leave me alone to do hobbies actually...#jk i do enjoy my job. i love research tbh. coordinating stuff less so but it do be a part of it#ok well. whoops rambles on here wayyy more then was expecting
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often susceptible to that human folly that is wanting people who are also part of a thing to at least acknowledge when you spent a bunch of hours working on something thats is for that thing
#most. of the work i do is thankless. and im ok with that cause i sink a lot of time into passion projects#but also because of that (comma) time is my most critical and valuable resource and im very giving with it when i maybe shouldnt be#and when i say mutual aid work has been the most isolating and thankless work ive engaged in ...#i just really objectively dont actually have the amt of time im putting into this.#im just stealing time away from everything else here and there and ignoring how i feel in the alone bits whenever someone else does anything#yippee. whenever i drive to pennsylvania and do 13 hour driving days w minimal breaks . its gonna be less soul rending than this#not that i probably wont have to still have to coordinate stuff while im away 🙃#guys help i thought we were supposed to be decentralized and horizontal. why am i at the center. why does everything pass through me.#why do i have to manage so much and remind people of pre-arranged stuff. i thought we didnt like middle management!!! i hate people managing#asking people to do their portion of the work feels like either aggression or asking for a major personal favor . do you understand why#this is not a role i am suited to fill...#ok. i dont feel better now cause i only got two hours of sleep last night because of this but at least i got it out#i think my recent yearnings for a partner are mostly just because this has pushed me to a crisis point. and you dont need a partner for that#just like anyone who is willing to meaningfully engage with everything. fuck#wish i knew what the last 6 mos of my life looked like from an outside pov. my regular cast of health professionals are deeply concerned#but like im always doing a ton of shit so telling me i need to scale back is nothing new. i just need. relativity. and if my friends feel#like im pulling back from our friendships because i legitimately cant balance all this#ok! enough worrying and complaining. back to grinding that nosestone
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I hate when I tell someone I miss them and try my best to reach out and they don't do anything about it. there's several people who were part of my life for a very short time who I really liked and enjoyed being around and doing things with. but those people leave so fast. and they never take me with them. they move on and don't keep me in their lives. to me they feel like "the right people" but i'm not their person, so they don't care or try. they make excuses about being busy. I tell them many times to let me know when they have time for me. let them know i'm here whenever they need someone to talk to or hang out with. let them know I want them in my life still and again. but they just say "thanks" and usually dont even agree to reach out to me. i'll try several times and give up. them years pass and I think about then again and reach out and it's the same thing. they reply a few times but make no effort to bring me into their life again or try to stay in mine.
these people always have partners so maybe that's why. maybe they think i'm being too "clingy" and they can't have a best friend and a partner living together at the same time. or don't have time for me and think I ask for too much. they can't figure out how to have a best friend and a partner. they don't understand how my aroace queer platonic weird ass works. i'm the only weirdo that doesn't have close friends or a partner and try to make them my best/closest friends. but they only want to prioritize their partners in their busy lives (or sometimes other best friends if they had friends before me) but this is just a guess. because its true everyone prioritizes their partners first before friends. and i'm not allowed to have a platonic partner if they already have a romantic partner. because society it weird and built against me.
it sucks so much because they're always people I feel super comfortable with. which is EXTREMELY RARE for me. they feel safe like a home i belong in???? we get along great. have stuff in common we do together. work well together. have similar future wants/goals. fit togther well in different ways. have a deep understanding (or it feels like we understand each other). they accept me for me and don't make me feel bad or uncomfortable things most people do. they help me out with things and are there for me when able.
and the best part is, they were always excited to see/talk to me. they'd reach out first. they'd invite me. they'd tell me they had fun and liked doing things with me and want to do it again and tell me about their excitement to hang out and stuff. it didn't feel one-sided like 99% of my relationships with other people. they'd make sure I was in their lives or choose/include me in whatever activity we shared together. I didn't have to do all the work and it felt comfortable and natural.
but it was always short lived. either they moved away, our shared activity ended, school ended, or they simply stopped talking to me one day and basically disappear. I don't know why they suddenly stop trying. but it's so hard for me. how cam things go so well and then just. nothing. they don't ignore other people. like their partners 😒 everyone is so obsessed with habing a partner. i'm never important enough for anyone. they could make my life so much better just by including me in theirs amd trying to be part of mine. but they just won't anymore. and I can't keep trying. I can't make them. but I miss them so much and want what we had back again because it's so rare in my life it's only happened like 2 or 3 times ever in my entire life. no matter how many times I reach out, it's the same every time and the more years that pass the less likely they'll ever come back. I don't know what to do besides give up 😭
#WHY ARE PEOPLE SO HARD!!!!!!!#even the “right” people are not right!!!!!!#what the hell i dont get it#lee rambles#lee rambles about feeling very alone and isolated in this lonely world and suddenly missing 2 specific people who wont make plans#I TRIED. THEY KEEP SAYING THEYRE BUSY BUT WONT REACH OUT AND TELL ME WHEN THEY ARENT DESPITE ASKING THEM TO MULTIPLE TIMES#i hate it here#why cant i be more likeable and idk wantable?????#why cant people i like like me enough back to keep me in their lives#if someone truly likes you and wants you in their life then they will try right? not just forget you're there and never make time#or never reach out????? RIGHT?!#because ive reached out to people i want in my life at least 10 different times and tried so hard#theyve reached out first since parting 0 times. SO ??????????#ive tried like 300 other people since the most recent one and no one matched the same energy and vibe even close#some types of peiple are so rare i doubt ill find a replacement#unfortunately im easily replaceable so they dont have that same issue and dont need to try to keep me around. but im here always waiting#like some pathetic abandoned dog waiting for their owner to return but they never do. why am i like this. i hate it.#why cant i ge likable and vibe with more people. why am i difficult and annoying
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I think I mentioned it here before but I wrote some paper for a class where I used F1 interviews(like the post-race press pen) as examples, right? My prof asked if she could use it as a sample work for future classes omg!!! But mostly I'm cackling evilly over the fact that F1 is forever memorialized in that paper, I hope someone in the future reads it and is like "...wait a minute" 😭
#i used post-azerbaijan bcs it was the most recent when i wrote it#so fucking rip Nyck bcs i used his post-dnf interview as the main example JDJFKGKGLGL#this makes me wish i wrote their full names and used more examples#but i wonder if you could figure out the race by the examples i used 🤔#anyways thats cool as i said mostly just laughing abt the fact that my F1 obsession made it into an example#speaking of f1 interviews(or sports in general) i touched upon this in my paper but during the race interviews are so interesting#i cant remember if they do them so much now(i feel like my brain just dumps most of my race wknd memory except the highlights 😭)#but in like older races they always made me cringe bcs#someone would have a silly dnf or smth and the interviewers would be sooooo blunt with them#ik its their job but god i cannot imagine going up to someone after they just crashed out and being like#'so that seemed pretty silly why dod you do that' basically just questions where you the viewer are like#UGHHHHHH HOW ARE YOU ASKING HIM THAT YOUD MAKE ME CRY IF THAT WERE ME#anyways :) interviews are interesting bcs of how they remove barriers that exist in normal conversation#man if only i used nando as an example in that paper ughhhhh i dont think his clip fit with what i was writing tho#but max got in there :D good for Max :D forever memorialized in some random paper#catie.rambling.txt
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Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life! So it’s spooky season so I have an ask related to that. I don’t know if you play horror video games, watch horror movies/shows, or read horror books, but if you do, I have to ask: What is the most disturbing book, or video game or show/movie that you’ve played/watched/read? In my opinion, there is two types of horror: the ones that scare you, and the ones that traumatize you. If you can think of any book, movie, or game that really kind of fucked you up, I’m curious to know if you feel like answering. I hope you have a good day and a good life.
Hey, I’m doing good and I hope you are too!
the answer ended up being really long lol
Woof, this is honestly a pretty hard question, since I can't really name any horror (or otherwise) media that actually left me kind of fucked up for a bit, at least not to the degree where it affected me for a while. I probably haven't been really fucked up by anything since I was a kid, so I'll try and recall what a few things fucked me up back then...
Off the top of my head I know that two different spongebob episodes got me bad, the first being one with that tunnel of love thing (tho tbh i havent seen it in a while so it might still spook me today) and the one where i'm pretty sure for whatever reason squidward gets locked in some small locker and has some kind of fucked up dream, whatever that was. I remember there was an eagle in that one. the eagle terrified me. (i looked them up, and the first episode is titled 'tunnel of glove' and the second is 'squidward in clarinetland'. with how badly that second one got to me, i'm surprised i ended up learning to play the clarinet at all)
other than that, i think the courage the cowardly dog episode 'the house of discontent' got me pretty bad, too, but i think everyone who saw any amount of that series as a kid has at least one episode that got them fucked up.
there's probably a handful of scooby-doo stuff that got to me when i was a kid, but i could not name any specifics (asides from charlie the robot's original episode, christ) because i think i managed to see just about every bit of available scooby media around that time.
nowadays stuff still does kinda fuck me up, but it's usually only for brief bits of time. the most recent example I can think of is cowboy bebop's 20's episode, pierrot le fou, which is honestly some great horror, especially how it uses the show's typical format and flips it on it's head, but i wouldn't necessarily say it got to me because of it being scary, more because of the way the ending disturbed me for a bit. it was the only episode that had me stop afterwards and really look into it for anything other than clarifying a character's gender, lol.
the endings of both neon genesis evangelion and end of evangelion had me shaken, the latter more so than the former, but not really due to horror aspects, though. i did have to take a walk after finishing end of evangelion. i don't really watch horror movies, i just... read the wikipedia plot descriptions of them.
honestly, i think some of the more popular youtube analogue horror series have gotten to me worse (likely due to the fact that they can get a bit more fucked up than, say, a tv show or movie), specifically the walten files (which i did watch) and the mandela catalogue (which i just watched wendigoon's vids on), and those two and mostly because facial distortion is generally just an incredibly effective form of horror imo. a lot of the time (esp with the childhood examples) the way i was 'fucked up' was that id be in be visualizing the stuff that scared me, and both the mandela catalogue and the walten files had me doing that for a bit.
now that i remember it, i was really scared of fnaf when it first came out. i first learned of it second-hand from seeing some other kids looking into it, and the bits and pieces i put together about it really scared me.
honestly, it's usually straight-up disturbing sequences or imagery that gets to me the most, and i know my limits well enough to generally identify and avoid that stuff, which is probably why i don't have too many recent examples. i've got one or two examples of non-horror movies that fucked me up as a kid, but that's mostly because they were wildly inappropriate for someone of my age (at the time) to be witnessing, so that's a different sort of topic.
i mean, i think i generally have a decent tolerance for fucked up stuff in media, anyways, i mean, i enjoy berserk and haven't really been too upset or disturbed by what happens in it (look theres some nasty shit in there im not saying its not that bad) so there's definitionally some kind of line that media needs to cross to really get to me nowadays, or it just needs to be a specific kind of fucked up. books generally don't do that for me so i don't have any book examples. no games, either, though shadow mario and the haunted house segments in super mario 3d world scared me so much that i had to make my mom do the levels for me, and i'm pretty sure scooby doo: first frights scared me a bit when i first played it on ds.
other than that, though, I just think that, in pokemon x, the story that an npc tells you during your first trip to route 14 and then the strange office building encounter with the animation-less hex maniac creeped me out pretty bad.
yeah, it's kind of hard for me to think of anything (recent) that actually really fucked me up or anything. most stuff just scared me, never really fucked me up or figuratively traumatized me in recent years.
#asks#zeldanamikaze#salty talks#i think for media to really fuck me up there has to be some kind of intense emotional aspect to it or have some specific visual stuff#my enjoying of berserk is proof that it takes specific stuff to really get to me. the way i tested if id be fine reading berserk is so#fucked in hindsight. i straight up looked up the two most infamous eclipse chapters online and read them to make sure id be fine#what the fuck. i just dove in head first fucking god#anyways yeah. like berserk is generally fine for me but cowboy bebop episode 20 did have me a lil fucked up. its so good#ive been looking more into horror stuff recently and i have a lot of respect for (well-executed) horror games like damn. i wanna play#silent hill 2 so bad. it's a really interesting genre when pulled off effectively on a level deeper than just 'oh look at this scary thing'#anyways. i recently watched mononoke and its not really horror just kinda unsettling. its so fucking good#tbh tho there are some fanfics ive read that did actually fuck me up (which is why i kinda have an aversion to angst)#but i didnt want to talk abt those bc i dont want to name names or anything. theyre good fics they just affected me pretty negatively#generally its more like. freaky irl things that fuck me up but thats not fun to talk about its just like. depressing#sorry it took so long to reply to this i hadnt really sat down to write it or anything an just. couldnt think of much lol#anyways ig bottom line is that its more likely for non-horror stuff to fuck me up? or its gotta be specific stuff idk#i played a few hours of portal 1 at a friends house years ago and for some reason it creeped me out a whole lot#strangely enough i dont think scooby doo mystery incorporated fucked me up when i first watched it#i think there was like 1 episode that scared me more than the rest but it was never too bad#and that show is regarded as likely the most actually scary scooby thing. its rlly good#im pretty sure scooby doo was my first (or one of my first) special interest#also (similarly) i dont really get nightmares too often my dreams are just kinda really weird most of the time#i did actually have like. a scary dream recently but i dont know if id fully call it a nightmare
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Girl help I really need to do the test tasks for a new job or else my life is gonna get very bad real soon, but all I want to do is draw ttrpg characters.
#majek says shit#ok so Im jobless since august but I had a safe amount saved to live a little too comfortably until about now#and now I have money left to live relatively normally until January and after that uhhhhh bad 0 money left#I got caught in a trap of “animators are always wanted in gamedev you'll find a job in 2 weeks” thing everyone seems to genuinely believe#turns out every studio on earth is looking for Seniors and Leads or 3D animators that turn out to be 3D generalists able to do everything#from concept to every kind of model optimised for games and texturing and rigging and mocap and keyframe stuff and vfx is also nice#and I'm like “hello am animator know how to make character move. i can give them skeleton but not necessarily if in 2D”#“have a few years of experience in gamedev but got fired just before the premiere of my one title that will list me as animator”#got fired along with many others because the publisher backed out and there was no money to keep most of the artists this close to launch#so far only two studios followed through with the recruitment. one makes casino games and asked me 3 questions through mail#they wanted to know why im looking for a job. have I heard about them before and how much I wanna earn. also added that my personality#should shine through my answers. sure xd. the other is a mocap studio and they want me to do a test. in software I last used 5 years ago#and its mocap which I dont like and know almost nothing about how to do it#and I WANNA DRAW. I made a disaster of a cleric to replace Cayden in the old party and Im itching to draw him properly#also there is secret satan and a whole queue of scenes from recent sessions#including the lase one when Cayden was possessed by an ancient wizard (?) for a few seconds and now has mild ptsd#there were such cool visuals there because he was connected to a tentacle that pierced the back of his neck and his eyes went black#and I had to fight the party from that moment. hit them once with a big fire damage spell and then passed a save. and then failed again#fortunately the party destroyed the artifact that did the posessing and it ended. but my boy simultaneously experienced some cosmic horror#beyond his comprehension. and kinda saw his own hands casting fire at his friends. all while he was fighting in his head with some tentacles#and being watched by first disembodied black eyes and then by a shadowy figure#now he has weird nightmares of more cosmic horror and gets uneasy if he looks at the night sky for too long ;o;#I also have a drawing of the party celebrating their promotion to captains and like 3-4 sketches and one other big scene#in which Cayden has a romantic tension moment with another character while casting prot from evil on them to save them from mind control#also I have a commission to finish that a friend paid for LAST NOVEMBER#but that mocap studio is waiting for this test for so long now I have to do it if its the last thing I do in my life
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To be honest I have been drawing but i havent posted any of it because looking back on my art posts my sketches will get less than 10 notes maximum [the finished pieces arent much better] and most of those are from self reblogs + it's harder to get people to look at your shit when it's your ocs. Idk it's just demoralizing to post a bunch of stuff that im proud of and then have it get little to no attention so id just rather not
#noodle talks#not art#not to make people feel pity for me or anything. i just figured since i usually post art i should say something#its the same thing with my writing + oc development. those get barely anything too#<- which is why i only vaguepost about it and say if anyone wants to see they can ask#because i dont want to go through the effort of putting my thoughts out there if nobody will hear it#the only reason i post that stuff is so other people can see it and ask me about it and for validation#so if im not getting that theres no point#im not going on a different platform either because i shouldnt have to do that much work just to get people to look at my goddamn art#“it wouldnt be that much work” it is.#like part of me wants to share my things but i know that itll just make me feel worse#i dont usually make posts like this but i am a little pissed#if anyone wants to see my recents or oc lore talk just ask because i wont post it otherwise#its hard to get motivated to do all of that if it seems like nobody gaf so.#this is also why its been so reblog heavy here. idk what to post besides writing/art/etc#ill go back to my silly funny posts soon since thats what most people follow me for but yeah#siiiigh. being an artist on here is so shit
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why am I haunted by this fucking guy from first year
#apparently he was talking to one of our mutual friends abt me! which is fun!#like man you were the one who disappeared for a year and a half#talking to her abt how we had the briefest most awkward conversation after a lecture like two weeks ago and I didn’t ask for details#bc I’m not doing that. but clearly was not good! bc friend was being fucking weirder than normal abt it#and I am honestly getting kinda sick of her too <3#he just pisses me off so much bc the ball was entirely in his court bc he specifically asked for that#and what he does is disappears COMPLETELY after like a month of fucking me around and saying some honestly kinda fucked up shit?#i dont WANT to see him!! this is why people doing your subject are a bad idea but goddamn he’s just everywhere#he keeps sitting close to my friends and he came to ice hockey and he makes me act fucking weird bc I don’t know what to do with it#and he just Keeps staring at me#only when he thinks I’m not looking#:/#I don’t have time for this rn I’m trying to be normal abt his existence and I was being normaler but my friend just told me that and GOD#it’s okay I’ll complain abt it with my other friend tonight he’s great#just. seriously fuck this guy and fuck my friend she’s really frustrating me recently#if mr asshole wants to talk to me he can put on his big boy shoes and actually make an effort#luke.txt
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WON'T YOU HOLD ME, CONSOLE ME ?

You don't expect your boyfriend to hold you or console you when you find out your pregnant, but you also didnt expect him to leave you without a trace either
Has no correlation to the other preg!reader fic i posted !!
GENRE: angst
PAIRING: Choi su-bong x preg!reader

"Fuck" thanos groans with his head thrown back, his hands covering his face while he steps away from you
Your hold around your stomach tightens as you don't look up, keeping your gaze at the ground
"I thought you were on that shitty pill?" Thanos glanced at you before letting out a prolonged sigh
"You know that it doesn't mean a hundred percent protection" you argue, eyebrows furrowing slightly "it's not my fault! You were the one who-"
"I know geez!"
"Then why are you getting so agitated!"
"Because" thanos spluttered "because this is a kid we're talking about"
You pause, not being able to think of anything to say back, instead retreating your eyes back at your stomach
"And it's my fucking kid. Mine" thanos points at himself in the chest
"Is that why your mad?" You hate the way your voice trembles "because it's your kid and not some random bastards on the street?"
"Watch your mouth" thanos snarls "you know it's not like that, do you want me to say that it is?"
"Ah fuck" your voice a few ratios higher than it usually was, you could feel the lump in your throat forming
Thanos sighs again, his eyes softening as he glances your face and your stomach
"Aish your fucking kidding me man, your the one who started arguing first" he grumbles annoyed, but approaches you with his arms open anyways
You push against his hold at first, anger still flaring inside of you but you end up giving in pretty fast, so desperately wanting to be held
"Are the pregnancy symptoms already kicking in?" Thanos asked while pulling your head to rest in his shoulders "what a pain" muttering under his breath
"You asshole" you sob while your hands ball into a fist
"Hey your carrying the asshole's kid, i don't think your one to speak" thanos adds in quickly, frowning "Don't make this harder than it already is"
Despite Thanos holding you in his arms, you hit him with your balled fist, your face streaming with tears
"Hey stop" thanos frowns "stop before I seriously get mad" he grips your hand "im not mad right now, but if you don't stop i will"
You sniffle softly, your head laying on his chest as his eyebrows are still furrowed with concern over the recent news of your pregnancy
"What are we gonna do?" You ask amidst sniffles
Thanos allows you to lean against him, staring at the wall of the cramped room the both of you lived in
"I dont know" he mutters "we could go to the hospital? Try for a..." his voice trails off. You knew what he was referring to
This just makes your sniffles louden even more causing him to inwardly groan, he never knew how to handle emotions as such, most of the time just shutting up and holding you or something along that line but that didn't seem to be the brightest thing to do and even Thanos knew that
"Su-bong" you whisper, your hands snaking around his waist, pressing yourself closer towards him as if to shield yourself
Thanos winces softly when he hears you call his real name, he always winces when he hears his real name.
He let's out a rough grunt of acknowledgement "What?"
"I don't think I want a abortion"
"Well fuck baby, we can't afford it either way. It was stupid of me to suggest" he lazily responds, while resting his face above your head
"We can't afford to raise it too" you murmer causing Thanos to shift uncomfortably
"I know" he snorts "fuck"
"So what will we do?"
Thanos hears the imploring tone of your voice. Most of the time he was the one asking you that question. In your relationship you were the one who took on the role of the logical one, but here you were, asking Thanos something that you both didn't know the answer to
"I'll-" thanos breathed "I'll figure something out"
You look up at him, moving your face away from his chest, your eyes pleading
"You sure you want the kid?" You ask him
"Your already pregnant anyways, i can't do anything about it"
"This isn't a joke" you retort loudly
"Your the one who said you don't want an abortion!" Thanos also raises his voice
"We can't afford it anyways you idiot!"
"Well damn, it's like i didn't just fucking say that like 5 seconds ago" he thundered which immediately cause you to tear up again
Thanos tilts his head down, pressing his lips into a tight straight line, regretting his actions almost immediately
"Hey" his voice rough and deep as he called out to you "look at me"
He purses his lips when he sees you still refusing to face him, your hands hiding your face
"Hey" he says more softly as he moves your hand away from your face "im sorry okay, cmon just look at me"
Thanos leans his head against yours while he clasps his hand around yours
"I'll figure something out" he raspily breathed out "I'll get a day job, fuck it baby, I'll get 2 day jobs"
You had no strength to talk back, choosing to silently nod
Thanos kisses your forehead while he wipes your tears away
"I said I'll figure something out, so stop your damn crying okay?" He says playfully, in an attempt to stop you from crying
You nodd slowly, causing him to smile tightly
he kneels down, facing your stomach "im sure the baby wouldn't want to hear his mom cry huh?" He announces as if though he was talking to the baby
He looks up to your face to see your face, trying to make you laugh or smile or anything at all
"You better not be a shit ass kid" thanos pokes your stomach softly "cause of you, your mom's hormones are going wild already"
"Asshole" you breathed with a laugh "im crying cause of you, fucking prick"
Thanos grins as he looks up to you, standing up he grabs your hand
"I swear" he picks your hands up, placing a soft kiss "ill figure something out for the three of us"
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
Finding a job was hard
Especially as a retired rapper who basically got fucking conned by some asshole on the internet
Fucking bitch
Thanos stays up awake, leaning against the wall of the trashy one room so called apartment that you both lived in.
He inhales his cyan blue vape while eyeing the cigarette burn marks that painted the wall
His head thuds against the dirty peeling wallpaper, while you layed asleep on the floor across him, only a thin blanket covering your body
A soft smile graces his features when he notices the slight swell of your stomach
That's his kid right there, that's the mother of his child right there
Thanos couldn't afford to marry your right now, he wishes he could.
Fucking hell, he couldn't even afford a shitty ring let alone a ring that you actually deserved, he'd marry you with a plastic bottle seal if he could but he knew that you deserved more,
Damn, you deserve so much better than him, so much more than what he could give you
The kid in your stomach deserved better too. His kid
Thanos's smile fades away, leaving behind a grimace when he notices that the blanket doesn't fully cover your body, noticing the colour far beyond faded and the material already thinning out
He immediately unzips his jacket, going forward to place it above your body. It was the least that he could do
Suddenly, a piece of paper falls out of the pocket, he notices it as the card from the strange man earlier
Just thinking about it pissed him off, he recieved more slaps than money
Holding the card in his hand, he turns it over, mouthing the number behind the card, he swallows nervously unlike him while contemplating whether it was worth calling
Slowly typing in the digits in his phone he places his device on his ear, holding his breath as the phone rings
Once, twice, the phone continues to ring, thrice, now going four times
Thanos sighs, bringing the phone down, ready to press cancel when suddenly
"In order to sign up to play the game, please submit your name and date of birth"
Thanos breathes sharply, his finger wavering above the cancel button while your sleeping figure which remained unaware of what raced through your boyfriend's head
"Fuck" thanos curses, he glances at you
Thanos's hands trembled as he filled in his details, his pupils dilated, his mouth dried.
He knew what you'd say if you were awake, scolding him for being so naive and believing but you didn't meet that strange man in the grey suit did you?
He bites his lips when he reads the address and time of where he was suppose to go, noticing that the last date of entering the so called games was the current date
"I wont be gone for long" he mutters softly as he stands up, placing a kiss on your cheek before heading towards the door
He puts his old shoes on, the only branded ones he had left from back in his rapper days, the one who had picked for him, the only pair he didn't sell
He slips outside quietly, before sparring you one last glance
"Wait for me, just for a little bit" he whispered with a faint smile though it didnt quite didn't reach his eyes
He glances from your face to your stomach "your dad will be back with shit ton of money, i'll make sure you both live well"
He pauses before closing the door, contemplating for a minute, it felt so wrong to leave just like that,
He didn't want to go, it felt like the wrong thing to do but he steps out of the house anyway
"Take care of your mom when I'm gone"
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
The next morning, you wake up warmer than you usually do, but you can't ignore the ever so persistent pounding of your heart
Your heart feels heavier than usual too
Noticing your boyfriend's jacket wrapped around you, you slowly wake up, looking for him
You look for him for the entire day,
it soon turns into 2 days and 2 days soon turn into 2 weeks
The bruise you recieved earlier that day after being chased down the street by some debt collectors begun to sting.
They didn't care whether you were pregnant or not, they just wanted the money you had borrowed from them back
And then that's when it hits you
When your standing on top cold floor of, with only your boyfriend's jacket left as a reminder of him,
He left.
He left without saying anything, without leaving even a single trace, he left not even with a single goodbye
He left you.
Your hand trails to your stomach.
He left the both of you
You sink down, legs giving out as your body trembles, you lie on the wilting cot that served as a place of comfort, sobbing, shrieking, crying his name out
Screaming anything that would have send him running towards you,
But no one comes.
Unbeknownst to you, at the very same time you fall on the ground, thanos's cold body is lifted up from the cold bathroom floor and packed into black coloured coffin
His eyes still wide open, his entire body covered in his own blood
When the guards strip his clothes away, they find something in his pocket
A plastic ring
it couldn't have been worth much, maybe from a kids toy, it left the guards puzzled
What would a person like Thanos be doing with a plastic ring in his pocket?
Perhaps you would understand it better
After all, he held you, consoled you. That prick even left you without a single trace
#fanfic#squid game thanos#squid game angst#squid game fanfic#squid game 2#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game thanos x reader#thanos x reader#choi su bong x reader#choi su bong#su bong x reader#su bong#thanos angst#squid game season 2#t.o.p x reader#t.o.p bigbang#t.o.p
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DONT LIKE, REBLOG
so people who do this may see it.
The growing problem of "they" for trans people
Something I've noticed growing more common in my life recently has been people using exclusively "they" when referring to binary trans people who don't use "they"
Why is this a problem?
Using "they" when referring to someone when you don't know is seen as "better" in a lot of spaces now, which I can agree with as you don't know what their actual pronouns are. The problem I've noticed is that when meeting a trans person, a lot of people seem to default to "they" even after being told what pronouns they actually prefer. This can be for a lot of reasons, but the most common ones I hear are "I didn't want to assume" and "its not misgendering, they is neutral!"
Example situation
Person A meets person B, a trans woman. A doesn't know B's pronouns and so refers to B as "they." B corrects A, saying she prefers "she," but A continues to say "they" because its gender neutral. However, A does not do the same to cis women.
Do you see the problem now?
The use of exclusively "they" on trans people but not cis people, no matter your excuse, shows that you don't really see them as what they identify as and is quite transphobic since you're literally ignoring their identity and not seeing them as how they want to be seen.
"Okay, what should I do?"
Simple, just ask them their pronouns and then ACTUALLY USE THEM!! If he says he, DONT USE EXCLUSIVELY THEY! If she says she, DONT USE EXCLUSIVELY THEY! If they say they, well. yeah, use they, obviously. If xe say neopronouns and you don't know how to use those, just ask! If any part of someone's identity confuses you, just fucking ask them instead of assuming, for the love of god, and once they tell you, don't ignore what they said.
That's all. Just please stop calling people who don't use "they" by that.
Edit:
I got this comment and thought I should clarify and add on some MORE things you should avoid doing now that this post has aged a bit, and I've had more time to think!

Please do not attack this person, i dont think they meant it in any bad way
Clarification on the term 'misgendering'
While yes, 'gender' does not directly tell you someones pronouns or what terms they're comfortable with, but misgendering doesn't only mean calling a man a woman or a woman a man. Misgendering is usually thought to only mean using a trans person's assigned sexs' pronouns or deadnaming, but it's actually more than just that, it includes what terms you use for them, how you group them, and what societal expectations you put onto them based on their assigned sex, not just their gender.
Other things you should avoid
* These DO NOT apply to every situation! These are just general rules UNTIL YOU KNOW THE PERSON, then do what they ask
Calling all gender non-conforming people 'it' (again..not. universal.)
Deadnaming, obviously
Using gendered pronouns for a non-conforming person
Arguing with someone over the validity of their identity
Automatically introducing someone as trans
Assuming someone is out to other family or friends
Using incorrectly gendered terms, including when referring to a group
Exclusively using gender neutral terms/compliments
#trans pride#trans#transmasc#trans man#trans male#transfem#trans woman#transgender#lgbtq community#lgbt pride#lgbtq#lgbtqia#queer community#queer#queer pride
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While i was waiting for my flight to board i noticed a guy behind me having a clearly pretend conversation on the phone with a fake customer service person and saying some incredible stuff. After a few minutes he walks up to me and asks me what my hat says (it says cowgirl). He starts telling me about why he got removed from his last flight which basically amounted to screaming at a noisy child and her parents. I notice theres blood dripping from his leg. He says “i dont think they had a real reason i think the flight attendants just didnt wanna deal with me” and im like yeah it sounds like they had a good reason thats a valid reason you should buy earplugs or maybe do deep breathing. He laughs and another trail of blood is dripping down his pant legs. Probably the most terrifying experience ive had in recent memory.

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