#because i dont want to go through the effort of putting my thoughts out there if nobody will hear it

[vergilmayhoard]

sometimes i hate everyone and my life and sometimes i think it would be better if i just died at this point

[selfspinninglies]

To be honest I have been drawing but i havent posted any of it because looking back on my art posts my sketches will get less than 10 notes maximum [the finished pieces arent much better] and most of those are from self reblogs + it's harder to get people to look at your shit when it's your ocs. Idk it's just demoralizing to post a bunch of stuff that im proud of and then have it get little to no attention so id just rather not

[itsfairly]

if no one is going to talk about nanami's suspenders, i will.

nanami dresses really professionally, who else is going to wear a suit when going to fight curses? but it's the way he dresses professionally that it's interesting. sure, the colors on his suit aren't the most common combination to see in an office job, but when you focus on the pieces, you can tell he puts an effort into looking that way. slacks ironed right in the middle to get that prominent line, how he always makes sure to shine his shoes before they become too dull, and then his suspenders...god, you still remember the first he took them off in front of you.

you see, his suit can be pretty deceiving, hiding all his body underneath it. not just skin, but also build. so its no surprise if some things get tight around his body. Some things being said suspenders.

once the blazer was off and nanami placed his cleaver away, he sat on the bed with his back facing you as he unclasped the clips of his suspenders, the small click-click getting your attention from your phone as you stole a quick glance at him. you didn't thought much of it at first until you hear a quiet, but very noticeable in the silent room, groan as he slipped the garment off, making your heart skip a beat.

from there on, you continued to enjoy the view in silence, mentally thanking that his back was facing you and he wouldn't notice you staring. his shirt was the next to go, agonizingly slow as he worked through the buttons with the little energy he had from his mission today. but once unbuttoned, nanami took the shirt off and you felt your heart make its presence to you once more as it beat faster and faster. not because more skin was exposed to you, but because you understood why it was his suspenders that made him groan.

they were tight around his body, and after a day's work, they had left marks behind.

you dont know why the sight captivated you so badly. i mean, he wore something so elegant to work, something other people wouldn't wear given his line of work, something that probably left his skin sore. but god, you would be lying his seeing those marks didn't spark something in you.

but now, the backseat to this sight didn't satisfy you enough, so you stood up, walking to the other side of the room to steal a glance or two under the pretense of getting a sweater. if his back was a sight, the front was just as much. the x shape on his back extended over to his shoulder, draping the marks down his chest in two lines until they ended on both his sides. it was hard to play off the glances, having to remind yourself that you shouldn't be too obvious as you turned to your closet and search for your excuse (a sweater).

in a weird way, those marks were almost erotic, reminding you that nanami is much more muscular than his clothes make him seen. after all, just how tight (and how long) those suspenders could be if they left such marks? you just wanted to trace them with your fingers, letting the marks dictate where you would caress, feeling the slight dents in his skin as you soothed them over with your lips as you kissed over them, hearing him sigh and groan the more you went south until you...

"something wrong?" nanami asked, snapping you out of your thoughts as you turned your head to look at him.

"just choosing a sweater. i got chilly," you smiled at him, taking whatever sweater as quickly slipping it on.

nanami, to your dismay, had already changed out of his clothes and into his sweatpants, hiding away those marks that had caught your attention so quickly. he stood up from the bed, coming behind you and wrapping his arms around you with a chuckle.

"my darling is cold? i can't have that, you know?" he said, rubbing your sides affectionately to warm you up, not that he needed to when you were already quite hot and bothered now. "i can make you some tea if you want."

you chuckled, ignoring his hands on you (otherwise you would push him onto the bed when his body was probably too sore for that). turning around to face him, you place your hands on his shoulders to try and sneak a touch over where his suspenders would be, making you feel that anticipation was your hands roam down to rest on his chest as if you were already following along his marks.

"sounds nice, love," you nod, letting him taking your hand and guiding you to the kitchen.

maybe next time you would get a chance to feel those marks. this time, skin to skin. even better, take off those suspenders yourself.

[bruhnze]

Apple tarts and tiramisu - Part 4

Other parts: part 1 - part 2 - part 3

Wordcount: idk 4k? , disclaimer, not proofread

After quite a short night you had woken up. You didn't want to wake Lucy because you knew how important rest was for an athlete and you kinda were the reason her important sleep was cut short.

You quietly freshened up in the bathroom and put on a t-shirt and panties. After that you made your way to the kitchen.

You searched through the cupboards and the refrigerator for something you could prepare for breakfast. You were low on almost everything, because you had not ran errands yet this week.

Usually you'd go to the supermarket, verdulero (greengrocer) and your mother's bakery to get all your weekly groceries, but this week you hadn't thought about it at all.

You thought about making something rich in protein, you had heard your friend about it enough times to know that was something the athletes needed.

You grabbed some danone yoghurt from your fridge and scooped it in a bowl. Laying some walnuts on it and put a little honey drizzel on top to make it look cute.

Then you went to search some more food, you had a little piece of bread left and decided to toast it and made some scrambled eggs to put on top of that. You had only one egg left so for yourself you just chose to put jam on yours.

You placed it nicely on the kitchen island, at the stool Lucy had now sat on a couple of times.

Then you decided you cold probably make her an iced matcha, as you had everything for it in- ah shit, you thought, you didn't have soy milk, only almond... You decided to just make one cup for now then, if she wouldn't like it with almondmilk you'd drink it and you made a mental note to bring some soy milk from the store.

While you stood with your back towards the kitchen, half crawled into the freezer, looking for the ice cubes you heard a low formilliar voice. ''Good morning y/n''

You looked up and turned around smiling ''goodmorning lucy, good sleep?''.

She streched out, she was only wearing briefs and a sportsbra, still you found it a shame she had put it on, because you remembered leaving the bed with a naked Lucy inside.

''Yeah i slept really good'' her answer pulled you out of your thoughts ''was a bit short tho'' she grinned.

''Oh, i hope i didn't wake you'' You said. She walked up to you and put her hands on your hips, just under you shirt. ''no you didn't wake me'' she said and leaned in to kiss you, but just before your lips met she wispered ''used me toothbrush dont worrie''.

It was a soft kiss, your hands cupped her face and you pulled back after ending the kiss with a couple more pecks on her lips ''made breakfast'' you smiled.

''mhm i smelled scrambled eggs when i woke up'' she hummed ''that made it a bit better''.

''what?'' you aked ''made what better''.

She kissed you again ''waking up in an empty bed'' she pouted.

You laughed ''ohh, for a second i thought there was something wrong, that your muscles acked or something''

Lucy wanted to stay serious but also laughed ''yeah my muscles acke a bit, but that not bad, that's just normal'' she tried to pull her face back together ''nah but i'm serious, i missed you''.

''I didn't want to wake you, sleep is important''' you put your hand on her chest and tilted your head ''and we all feel sad sometimes''

''Oh yeah, what your sad about'' Lucy asked genuin.

''well i liked the other outfit better, the one you slept in, i left you sleeping and now you wear this, but i guess it's allright'' you patted her shoulder and stepped away to finish the macha, by putting in the ice cubes.

''but I was wearing nothing?'' Lucy looked genuinly confused as she took place behind the counter on the stool.

You shrugged with a cheeky smile ''i said what i said''.

''Y/n!'' Lucy grinned ''you put in so much effort for this breakfast and now you make it seem like you want breakfast in bed''.

You didn't go along with it, pretended you didn't understand. You enjoyed playing with her. ''I can put this on a tray?'' you said ''but I'd rather just eat it here, anyway, I made macha, but its with almond milk and not soy, so I don't know if you drink that too ?''

Lucy had to switch gears for a moment but then you replied ''almond is fine too'' she smiled ''thank you for making breakfast''.

You walked over with the drink and sat it on the counter as you took place on her lap. ''made it with love'' you said ''but also with the last ingredients i had, so might have to go grocerie shopping today''.

She kissed you again, another soft kiss, her lips feeling tender on yours. Just gently sucking on your lower lip, before she moved to your top lip and gently pushed her tongue inbetween them. You opened your mouth a bit more and your own tongue joined her exploration.

Cought up in the kiss, which had happend a few times now the last days, the world shutting out when the kiss felt so right, you heard a throat clearing.

Lucy and you turned your heads at the same time, to were the sound had came from.

''Goodmorning!'' the figure said, whom you had now recognised as your mom.

Your cheeks went dark red, you felt caught, eventhough this was your own house.

You felt Lucy quickly removing her hands from your ass, and saw her leaving them hanging besides her body akwardly, not knowing what to do with herself.

''Goodmorning'' your mom tried again, with the same enthousiasm as the first time.

Now it was your turn to clear your throat ''hey mom, goodmorning'' you said with forced kindness in your voice ''what are you doing here?''.

''bring you bread!'' she said in broken english ''i haven't seen you in such a long time and i know you still have to eat, so i bring bread to you, because you had no time to pick up i see now!'' She smiled.

You walked over to your mom and took the bag from her ''thanks mom'' and gave her a hug anyway, eventhough you were very emberassed ''sorry'' you said softly, but Lucy heard it too.

''Yeah sorry'' she akwardly said as she stood up ''i would give you a hug also but im kinda bare''

''ah come here nena'' your mom smiled ''give me a hug''.

Your mom walked over to Lucy and they shared an embrace.

''Do you want a drink?'' you asked your mom, usually if she'd come to yours, she'd have a cup of tea.

''a glass of water'' your mom said ''i'll be away soon''.

You laughed at her poor english skills, but you were proud that she used what you had thought her.

The distraction of the conversation between you and your mom had Lucy taken to quickly retrieve some clothes and came back walking into the kitchen wearing her tracksuit and struggling to put on socks while she was walking.

Your mom sat down with the cup of water and Lucy took place next to her ''the tiramisu was really good'' she said.

You smiled because that was actually the most perfect thing she could've said. Your moms passion for food, or rather making food, could easily make her forget about all she had just witnessed and compliment about her food was even better.

''Ahh sii!'' your mom clapped her hands ''dessert always good!''

''Yes dessert is the best'' she winked at you without your mom seeing ''but your tiramisu was the best i had in my whole life''.

''gràcies Lucy, espero poder fer-ho per a tu moltes vegades més'' (thank you Lucy i hope i can make it for you many many more times)

Lucy tilted her head and stared at your mom thinking ''i dont, gràcies, yes that's, thank you but my catalan doesn't go further then that yet im affraid, moltes? that's many?''

''gràcies Lucy, espero poder fer-ho per a tu moltes vegades més'' (thank you Lucy i hope i can make it for you many many more times) Your mom repeated slowely.

Lucy shook her head, ''im sorry, i don't-

''we try in spanish'' your mom excitedly said ''gracias Lucy espero poder hacerlo muchas veces más''

''Ahhh, i hope i can make it for you many many more times'' she exclaimed.

''siii Luciii, muyy biennn'' your mom shared her excitement.

You on the other hand had gone a bit more silent, afraid your moms comment went a bit to far seeming as though you and Lucy were very much still very early days''.

Lucy looked over at you ''yo también lo espero'' (i hope that too) and then leaned over to your mom and wispered something in her ear ''quiero pedirle que sea mi novia pero tengo un poco de miedo'' (i want to ask her to be my girlfriend but i'm a bit afraid)

Your moms face lit up and you were now very curious what had been said, you cleared your throat ''it's rude to wisper in company''.

Your mom laughed ''sorry pequeña'' and turned towards Lucy ''but i think Lucia will tell you tonight over a dinner romántica''.

She rubbed Lucy's arm and stood up ''good luck, it will be fine'' she grinned, Lucy also stood up ''thank you, it was lovely to see you again Elena and sorry for the way you- we-

''It is okay pequeña'' your mom interupted her ''i only care if my bebita is happy, and i see she is very, so i am happy too'' she laughed ''it was my own fault, i will use doorbell from now on''.

''or just call or text if you plan to come over'' you called after her.

''està bé, ho faré bebè'' (okay baby, i will) Your mom said as she walked out the door ''bye luciii''.

''Bye!'' Lucy said before she put her hands before her face and groaned. ''major bad impression''

''I feel ashamed too'' you said but walked over to her again too sit back on her lap ''but luckily it was just my mom, good move with the -the tiramisu was amazing-'' you mimicked her.

''Oh shut up, it's true, i wanted to tell her the next time i saw her at the shop'' Lucy took your hands, wich were fiddling with your necklace ''but i hadn't seen her since''.

''mkay, it's okay anyways, i like that she likes you'' you said ''but don't go to far'' you pointed at her chest, moving her hands along.

''Too far? that's not even possible, aren't you Catalans like known for close relationships and all that''.

''No, you know what i mean Bronze'' you said sternly ''wispering with my mom, joking around''.

''ooh, new nickname'' she grinned ''you can call me that more, i like the way you say it''

''it's the nickname for when i'm not happy with you'' you said ''so i don't think you want that Bronze''.

''It was nothing'' Lucy huffed ''i just wanted to ask her something''.

''about tonight?''

''yeah, well, no... i asked her something and i-, want to ask if you want to go to dinner with me tonight?''

You laughed ''your not making any sense, but dinner sounds good''.

''Good'' she grinned ''By the way, you know what i was thinking when your mom was here''

''yeah?'' you encouraged her to go on.

''that i was sooooo gladddd that i was wearing my underwear, that was naked enough for me'' she palmed her face ''that was bad enough to be honest''.

''well my mom promised she'll knock from now on'' you said seductively, pulling her hand away from her face ''and no one else has a key''.

She looked up at you, when she read you face she obliged and leened in to continue were the two of you had been interrupted earlier.

/////

It was the end of the day, almost time for dinner. Lucy had told you she was going to get dressed at home quickly and would pick you up in 45 minutes, leaving you some time to get ready aswell.

The morning had ended with sex on the kitchen island, wich had continued in the shower. After that the two of you had walked to the supermarket and greengrocer, skipping the bakery from your mom, as the bread had already been home-delivered.

Lucy had carried the three bags, and she would hear you about helping her ''you do it all by yourself normally'' she had said ''so i can handle it easily'' resulting in a scoff from you.

Back at home she was helping you put the groceries away ''just let me'' you had said as she didn't know were you kept everything. ''No just show me, next time i'll know it'' she had said. The comment had made you happy, it had gave you the idea that she did really like you the way you started to like her.

You had decided on a black dress, and was looking for some shoes to wear under it as the doorbell rang.

''Geez your fast apple tarts'' you snickered through the intercom.

''Yeah and the car is kinda blocking the way, so i hope you are ready, or should a drive another time around the block'' Lucy called back.

''No just my shoes, be right there''

''i'll be in the car''

As you came out of the building she quickly got up out of the car, resulting in a honking horn from the car behind.

''Don't worrie'' Lucy laughed ''he just pulled up behind me 30 seconds ago''. She held the door open for you and you stepped in the car.

She got back behind the wheel and quickly drove off, not wanting to anger the person behind her any longer.

'Nice car'' you said, eyeing the vehicle.

''thanks, its Barca's tho, every player gets one to use while they're in contract with the club''

''cool'' You said, not caring a bit about cars, just having said that because the car was clean and smelled fresh, actually knowing nothing more than that. You barely knew what your own car was called.

''Nice dress'' Lucy said as she layed her hand on your knee.

You turned to her, she wore a blouse and some slacks, which she pulled of very well, but you were most intrigued by her jewlery, you hadn't really seen her with it often, only when she came in the coffee store on a free day.

Tonight she was wearing a small golden nosering, earrings and some other things but the rings pulled your attention most. Something about it made her look hot, her veiny hands with those chunky rings.. ugh, you put your hand on hers.

''You look very good yourself'' you said.

''Thank you'' she said shyly.

You chuckled at her shy smile.

''what?'' Lucy asked you, still looking at the road ahead, navigating through the centre of Barcelona.

''Nothing'' you said softly ''i just noticed that you are more shy with words than with actions, i think it's cute''.

''Actions?''

''Yeah, like you have your hand on me now, but you get shy when i say that you look very hot''.

She smiled ''physical confidence is one positive thing coming from being an athlete, and i chose it because i was dead shy, or it chose me maybe''.

''hmm'' you put your hand on her knee now, removing it from her hand that was still on yours ''Do you still ever experience obstacles due to your shyness? or is it better now?''

She smiled and tenderly pinched your knee ''yes, when im around a pretty girl''.

''Shut up'' you laugh ''im serious''.

''Yes i am serious, but okay another example, when i met yfs/n the other day'' Lucy looked at you quickly ''i was pretty nervous''.

''Meeting yfs/n? my yfs/n?''

''yes, i wanted her to like me''

You grabbed her hand ''she likes you very much, she asks about meeting you again a lot'' you laughed ''i think everyone i know will love you just like me, it seems to go that way anyways, i mean my mom this morning, god, if it had been anyone else i bet she would've flung her shoe at you, i was surprised actually, that she-

You looked over at Lucy who had became silent but wore a broad grin on her face.

''Dont be so happy with yourself'' you squeezed her hand ''it was still embarrassing''.

''eek, yeah not that'' Lucy said ''what you said before''.

She turned her hand around below yours and entangled your fingers with hers.

''everyone i know will like you?'' You searched back through everything you had said.

''ohw'' Lucy said visibaly dissapointed.

''what tell me?''

''No nevermind i just thought you said something -

Then it struck you ''omg im sorry, i hadn't meant for it too slip out like that'' you said shocked.

''So you did mean it?'' she asked carefully.

''yeah but i was actually kinda trying to not say it yet'' you said ''didn't want to scare you away''.

''me too''

''me too?''

''i had the same thoughts, and i also didn't want to move too fast for you''

You laughed 'we're still dancing around it''.

''Say it properly then''. Lucy squeezed your hand.

''I took the first step!'' you called out.

''Yeah but i'm taking the biggest one''

You didn't understand her but she told that you'd see what she meant soon. After that you had told her you loved her and Lucy had said it back.

////

''Quite a fancy place'' you said as she parked her car.

''Only the best for my love'' she swooned.

''ah new nickname!'' you said excitedly

''mhmm'' 'now wait here, i'll open the door''.

She walked around the car.

''im glad chivalry still exists'' you joked as she opened the door for you.

Lucy jokingly bowed ''my lady'' she said as she took your hand. Making you giggle.

////

..

Lucy had ordered a dessert for the two of you to share. She wasn't up for the tiramisu you suggested saying ''It won't be as good as your moms'' and had chosen something else. You were stuffed anyways and thought wouldn't have room for dessert.

While you two waited on the dessert to be served you sipped at your drink, Lucy wasn't drinking but had said she didn't mind you drinking, you didn't want to drink alone but she had ordered you a specific glass of wine anyways. It was delicious, she had great taste.

''Would you be my girlfriend?''

You looked up at her laughing ''what is this kindergarten?''

She looked at you with a startled face.

''im kidding Lucy! a joke, sorry''

''and?'' she asked.

Now you looked at her startled.

''i know we've only known eachother for a month and a bit but-

''Yes'' you interrupted her.

She smiled and took your hand ''good, now it's exclusive''.

You raised an eyebrow ''it's been exclusive for me since the beginning''

''good to know'' she smirked ''oh me too ofcourse'' she said realising that was what you were after, ''but i just liked to say it, feels good''.

''mmh, guess it does'' You smirked ''but eating dinner with my date, and sharing a dessert with my girlfriend, doesn't sound very exclusive''

Lucy laughed ''stupid''

''Your girlfriend is stupid'' you joked, just as the waiter came with the dessert, you blushed and hoped he hadn't heard it, that would've come across way worse than it was.

As the waiter walked away again Lucy burst out laughing ''that's what you get, talking bad about my girlfriend.''

...

''Oh my, this is actually good'' you said as she had fed you a bite.

''i told you'' she laughed ''but im surprised i am the one showing you a spanish dessert''.

''Yeah if i do take a dessert, i always go for tiramisu'' you shrugged ''or icecream if they dont have that''.

''hmm'' Lucy said thoughtfully ''i had presumed you were more adventurous, but apparently i was wrong''.

'well' you said as you took another bite '' i gues i never looked into it, just chose what i knew'' you looked at her ''but you can be my guide''.

''for the adventures?''

''yeah bronzey, show me around in dessertland'' you wispered.

She gulped, clearly getting your dirty inside joke ''you seem to know your way around quite well''.

Your eyes widend, the way she said that it sounded like she was calling you a slut.

She realised it too as soon as the words had left her mouth and slapped her hands before her mouth 'i did not mean it like that''.

You leaned close to her ''your lucky because I happen to have a rule that my girlfriend can call me a slut, only in certain occasions of course, but i'll forgive you for now and you can try again later''

As you sank back into your seat you shot her a wink.

You saw her clenching the armrest with her hand and swalowing hard.

-------

more parts

[smiley-positivity-potato]

i have something to say, for all young transmascs or newly transitioning transmascs: just know the "womanhood" you had to endure will be used against you EMOTIONALLY as a trans masc. And not in the way many have spoken about. when you speak up on the abuse, trauma or experiences you went through growing up, people will make excuses of having thought you were just an "emotional teen girl", despite you trying to explain it to them- as an adult trans man. you try to tell them you just wanted help and presently want people to recognize their wrongs. like how they taught you as a child.

but instead they'll make excuses on how they each don't know how to take accountability, for the past or present. they'll say how you seemed like "your mother" at that age, so they thought it was a phase. so now they don't even want to hear or learn how they hurt you. they don't even want to know how to get help or therapy to communicate with you better. AND THEY DONT EVEN WANNA HEAR THEIR OTHER OPTIONS EITHER. they feel like you should just "let it go" when you bring up how it has effected you as a trans man growing up NOW , they dismiss you or blame your behavior on YOU INSTEAD. the reactions of a child, are labelled as an inconvenience, that you should take accountability for when you held no power. they did. so now that they don't, they don't even want to TRY to understand you-

all in all: they will use your past unchosen childhood to label you as an emotional "woman" who is hanging onto the past. when that is not it. it is NOW the accountability of the PRESENT. you want PRESENT ACCOUNTABILITY AND APOLOGIES. YOU WANT ACTUAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND GENUINE EMOTIONAL REFLECTION. and every person in this world deserves that. do not fall for this lack of effort and communication- do not endure it to feel loved as a transmasc. the fact that you are younger AND have tried your best to understand EVERYONE around you all your life is enough. the fact that they won't even try to do it on their own FOR FIVE GENUINE MINUTES, says enough.

saying they don't know how to NOT say awful things to you- is a lack of effort alone. if they can watch you try to get help to understand them for YEARS, they should AT LEAST TRY to find a professional or group or ANYONE to learn how to mend the relationship they damaged or broke with YOU, if they are able. they should NOT use your past or present emotions AGAINST YOU- indirectly defining you as just an "emotional, hormonal, traumatized woman". but they will try. do not let THEM gaslight you or trick you into thinking they can't at least put SOME effort into respecting you as a MAN with FEELINGS FROM THE TRAUMA THEY MAY HAVE DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY CAUSED. they can AND they should put effort into rebuilding what they destroyed. because let me tell you something i've learned:

"If you stepped into a puddle and forgot to wipe your feet before you entered a loved one's house; then the tracks you left are still your's. No matter where you go in the house they will always be yours- and it's up to you to not keep leaving them."

whether they meant to or not, they still left filth on your floors- and we all know who's tracks they are. we all saw it, but the question is: will they return and do it again, with cheeky pride and their head held up high, or will they clean up the floor apologetically, and reflect on every time they left tracks accidentally, or purposely, in your house. will they think about how YOU felt; how they put you into a position of having to speak up for yourself to keep your "house" clean and respected? will they acknowledge all the other times they wouldn't listen or will they dismiss them? as said by ALL my medical professionals, the LGBTQIA community AND my chosen family, you have a RIGHT to cut these people permanently out of your life, and out of your emotional "home".

and if the next time you see them is at their funeral, that's ok. because you have a right as a TRANS MASC HUMAN BEING to put your safety, sanity, well being, respect and emotions FIRST. you have a right to PROTECT yourself from that negativity and pain. do NOT sacrifice yourself to PROVE ANYTHING to ANYONE. do not overexert yourself trying to get them to understand you when all it does is cause you to breakdowns- AND it hurts.

you KNOW who you are. and that is ENOUGH. KNOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH. for you are a transmasc who has EMOTIONS, A PAST AND PRESENT, PAIN AND TRAUMA. You are a VALUED, LOVABLE PERSON AND YOU DESERVE TO FEEL RESPECTED AND SEEN IN THIS WORLD REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANY "LOVED" ONE SAYS- and if your "family/loved" ones have too much pride to acknowledge that- LEAVE.

[disneyprincemuke]

where the fun begins, 2 * ls2 (ms47)

it’s friday: logan throws the party he’s claims he’s having just for you to come around, not even knowing if you’ll be attending

pairings: frat!logan x reader, college!mick x reader

notes: um im on my phone in school i dont have a word count and neither did i plan on making this this long… sry guys uwu hope u like it (i’m desperately running out of logan gifs pls help me)

biggest thanks to @angsthology for helping me out with the white man fight and smug logan because i couldnt, for the life of me, figure that scene out so thank yew baby :*

(f1 masterlist)

| one | two | three | four |

friday rolls around, two days since logan had seen you in the bowling alley with another guy. he also spent the last two days organising a party, completely last minute, sending the entire house into a frenzy to set it in stone.

typically, parties are structured and planned at least two weeks ahead of time. but this time is different.

he can't ignore the frustration that clouds his thoughts when he thinks of that night. or you, in general. all he sees is you wrapped around someone else's arms.

he's been watching the door for the past hour, curious if you had taken him up on his invitation. it's been two hours since the start of the party, and logan knows damn well that word has gotten around about their open house party.

it should have been invitational only, as they usually host their parties. but it's way too last minute to make it an exclusive party. so, they made sure word got around.

he knows that you know what time the party starts. because mick's friends have already made their way into the frat house, drowning in alcohol and pressed up against girls on the dance floor. he only wonders if you would ever come by.

logan folds his arms over his chest, smiling smugly as he watches the crowd pour into the dimly lit home. he turns to oscar. "see? i told you i could pull it off."

oscar stops next to him, hands in his pockets. "i got to say – this is the most effort i've seen you put in a girl," oscar teases, glancing at his friend from the corners of his eyes. "you must really like her."

"i just don't like losing," logan scoffs with an eye roll. "especially not to some loser like the guy she's with."

losing? no, he is jealous. but he would rather abolish this entire party as a whole than admit that to anybody.

"schumacher?" oscar laughs, throwing his head back. "he's not even a loser, mate. have you even talked to him?"

"whose side are you on, dude?" logan frowns, throwing his arms in the air. "there is a wrong answer to this question."

oscar rolls his eyes and punches logan. objectively speaking, he is on mick's side; for your sake. but in a friend perspective, he’ll always be on logan’s side. but even he can admit logan’s a bit of a dick sometimes.

"whatever, dude." he smiles to himself, watching liam open the door to let another crowd in. "it's a very well-put-together party. i'm surprised. where did you get the keg on such short notice?"

logan has this shit-eating grin on his face, one that oscar desperately wants to wipe off. but he can only step back and watch the downfall of all his antics. it's funnier that way.

"frederik knows a guy."

oscar raises an eyebrow. "alright, mate." he pats logan on the back. "liam’s hosting the beer pong. let’s go?”

logan shakes his head, staring at the door with his arms folded over his chest. “later.”

“staring at the door won’t increase the chances of her coming,” oscar hums proudly, patting him on the back. he pushes him through the crowd of college students and massages his shoulder as he tries to find where liam had set up the table. "and anyway, they're coming after pre-drinks."

logan stops in his tracks. "how do you know that?"

oscar steps back with a smirk. "lily told me. did i not update you on that?" he sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. "must have slipped my mind."

he knew, since the night logan plotted this party, that you and your friends would be pre-drinking before coming here. another reason you're apparently dragging your feet here is for lily – not wanting her to be alone in a frat house.

as honest of a guy oscar tries to keep himself, it doesn't remove suspicion from him trying to take advantage of her. understandable and respectable. so he told you to take your time.

"dude!" logan scowls, shoving oscar back. "that's vital information you should have told me ages ago! i've watched the door like a fucking hawk all night waiting to see if she's coming."

"it's funnier this way," oscar giggles. "also, it's because i'm dating lily."

"you're what? since when? why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"way before you started seeing her. but you're focused on the wrong thing, mate."

"i doubt that, actually."

"oi, beer pong bitches!" liam screams, his hands cupped over his mouth as he beckons for the pair to approach him. he's knelt on a bar stool to catch their attention in the crowd. "logan is up first for the public versus the house."

logan chuckles, slowly making his way towards the beer pong table once more. "are you sure? i'm undefeated, mate," he turns to his friends, "you'll never get your turn if i'm up first."

frederik grins, gesturing towards the rows of red cups filled with sizzling cheap beer. "we wanna see how long you last."

oscar giggles, patting his back. "revenge for making us scramble to put together this party at such short notice."

"and anyway," liam laughs breathily, stumbling into logan's body. he takes a sip from the red cup in his hand. "we have another table for the casual games by the pool."

"and i don't get to play at that table? how rude," logan scoffs, stepping towards the table. he spreads his arms out as he looks around the crowd. "any takers?"

there are a couple who try taking logan down in his own game of beer pong. but as someone who's always in attendance at every party on campus, he's simply mastered the game – how to distract his opponents when he's losing, how to throw them off the game, and how to hit the ball into the cups.

he's figured it all out.

the games pass by very quick, and logan only drinks a couple of cups out of the 6 opponents that are brave enough to step up to the challenge.

"seriously?" logan giggles, slightly intoxicated from the beer. he watches the previous guy walking away, greeted by his group of friends and consolations for a 'nice try'. but logan knows it wasn't a good try. he didn't have a fighting chance at beating him. "where's the real challenge?"

"i could probably beat you."

he hears a chorus of 'oh's from his own friends crowded behind him, lifting his head to meet a pair of blue ones. he sees you first, hands on someone else's body and an arm wrapped around your shoulders. his eyes land on mick, smugly grinning at him with a hand inside the pocket of his jacket nonchalantly.

"yo, isn't that-"

"liam, read the room."

logan doesn't notice lily threading the edge of the makeshift circle over to his side, greeting oscar with a smile. he tilts his head at mick. "you think you can beat me? i'm undefeated, bro."

he sees you whispering something at mick, swatting at him with a small smile. logan knows that look: the flushed cheeks, swollen lips and slightly smudged mascara under your eyes. you'd drunk a little too much during your pre-drinks.

and so do you with logan: the heaving, permanent sly lazy grin and slumped shoulders. you even notice the way he's already slurring at his words.

"mick, should you really be entertaining this?"

mick smiles down at you, squeezing you with a soft shake. "just a bit of fun. we're at a party after all. i'll keep it friendly."

"i know you will. but will he?"

"trust me?"

you tilt your head and lift an eyebrow. you sigh with a small smile, "fine."

"asking for permission?" logan scoffs. "what are you, scared?"

mick scrunches his nose, lifting his hands from you. "no, mate. reassuring her," he smiles. he slowly tears his jacket off of his arms.

logan clenches his jaw at the sheer audacity when mick turns around and hands you his jacket. he feels a wave of anger, something he's never felt before, rising in his chest when mick leans down and presses a quick kiss to your red cheeks.

this might just be jealousy. but it's an emotion so foreign to logan that he doesn't even notice it. in his head, he's just mad that he's lost you to this guy.

someone rumoured to have gotten into the school through his dad’s connections.

"you sure you wanna embarrass yourself in front of her?" logan asks sweetly, biting down on his bottom lip. "one more chance to back out, schumacher."

mick shrugs and steps towards logan. "all in, mate."

"just making sure you don't embarrass your little girlfriend," logan grins, craning his neck slightly and squints his eyes down at you. "you don't want everyone to see him lose to me, do you? you should advise him otherwise."

you don't even get a chance to react before mick steps into logan's line of vision to you. "don't bring her into this."

logan scoffs, eyeing mick up and down. he furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head. "huh?"

"let's keep this friendly?" mick smiles. he extends his hand towards logan.

logan's gaze trails to the hand held out in front of him. he chuckles dryly before turning away, earning another chorus of gasps and shocked whispers around him, walking over to his side of the table. "you know how to play beer pong, don't you?"

mick purses his lips together, retracting his arm before padding over to his spot. "yeah."

liam looks between them, drunkenly filling up the new set of cups with beer. the kiwi can only hope that they keep talking so that he doesn't have to rush with the cups.

"i can teach you if you'd like."

"no, i think i can handle myself."

"alrighty," liam stands, clasping his hands together. "enough yapping. play the stupid game, you guys. it's just beer pong."

logan remembers a time when you used to be in this crowd. cheering for him instead of some random guy you met in one of your classes. you should be on the other side of the crowd next to oscar and arthur.

logan doesn’t do great with losing. if that hasn’t been implied, he doesn’t know any other way to show it.

mick crosses his arms over his torso. “make a shot, reigning champ.”

“i can be generous,” logan scrunches his nose, pressing his lips together. “guests first.”

the boy across the table shrugs. the game doesn’t go by as fast as the previous ones that logan plays. mick was actually true to his word, knowing how to play the game.

logan’s drank more cups than he’s ever in the entirety of the evening. he has to take a couple of deep breaths, staring down at the table when mick hits the ball into the last cup on his side.

he lost. he… lost? how is that possible?

“good game,” mick smiles with a polite nod across the table.

logan scans the table, taking his last cup into his hand. he hadn’t even stood a chance against mick. he still had more than half his set on the table.

mick swiftly turns around, ready to approach you when logan speaks. “one more?”

“mate-“

oscar taps liam on the shoulder, his one arm around lily’s shoulders, and grins. “no, let him do what he wants,” he glances at lily, who is smiling back at him, “i wanna see how this goes.”

“he’s gonna get himself into a fight, oscar,” liam mutters, pointing at logan. “you know him.”

“let him,” oscar shrugs. “he’s an adult — he knows what he’s getting into.”

“one more?” mick asks, halfway towards you. “are you sure?”

“yeah. best of three?”

“logan,” frederik calls out, pressing his lips into a thin line and shaking his head. “mate. he beat you fair and square.”

“no, it’s alright,” mick smiles. “no hard feelings.”

“very hard feelings,” logan mutters to himself, reaching to the side to open a beer can to replenish everything himself. “you stole my girlfriend.”

liam quickly takes over logan, swatting his hands away as he fills one cup sloppily with half of the liquid trickling down the side.

the next game goes by even quicker than before, the entire duration flashing right in front of logan’s eyes. he’s lost again. at least, it was closer this time. it was tied down to one last cup. mick simply played his shot better.

in normal circumstances, maybe logan would have just taken the loss as one would. but this is mick we’re talking about. logan will be anything but diplomatic about it.

“you had me nervous for a moment there!” you giggle. you move your arm out to avoid spilling the cocktail that frederik very graciously mixed for you during the game. “i thought you were going to have to play the third round.”

mick laughs breathily, blinking rapidly with a hand on his chest. “me too. i’m filled with alcohol,” he laughs, sweeping you into his arms. he pressed a sloppy kiss to your cheek, lifting you slightly from the ground. “let’s go whenever you want to?”

“aw, mate,” frederik sighs, heading over to mick. “house rules: the winner stays until defeated.”

“no way,” you whine, jokingly tearing frederik’s hands from mick. “i wanna head to the bar and get another drink with him!”

“fuck this,” logan mutters, throwing the racket down on the table. he snatches the last cup on the table and glances over at you excitedly bouncing as mick swept you up into his arms.

he rolls his eyes, whirling around and heading towards the backyard of the house.

mick hums as you engage in a conversation with frederik, his hand still on your waist. “um, hold on,” he whispers, tapping you gently. “i’ll go check on him. he looks mad.”

you tug on his shirt. “no, he’ll be okay. he’s just a sore loser, mick.”

he laughs, shaking his head as he detaches himself from your grasp. “i just wanna ask him if he’s okay. i’ll meet you guys at the bar.”

you hum hesitantly, letting go of his hands finger by finger. frederik nudges you in the direction of the bar where oscar and lily are already walking towards.

mick steps out into the backyard, hopeful to find the blonde that turned his back on them. while he didn’t frequent petty fights, logan’s reactions are just very entertaining to him. all because he had failed to appreciate your presence when he was blessed with it and mick stepped up to take you out on a date.

and when he was hearing whispers about logan remaining undefeated at the beer pong table, he took up on the chances. perhaps the alcohol made him feel slightly competitive.

he’s ashamed to admit that he let his ego get the best of him and that’s why he stepped up to logan’s challenge.

“mate,” mick announces his presence, slowly approaching logan sitting on one of the sun beds by the pool. “i hope you didn’t take the game to heart.”

“fuck off,” logan mutters, dropping his head low. he picks at the grass under the bed and clenches his jaw. “what are you doing here anyway? shouldn’t you be celebrating with your girlfriend?”

“she’s not my girlfriend.” logan looks up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “yet.”

“seriously, what’s your deal? have you just come here to parade in my face that you got the girl or something?” logan pushes himself up to his feet. “i get it, man.”

mick sighs. “no. i was checking on you. you look like you had too much to drink there.”

“i don’t need you babysitting me,” logan shakes his head and folds his arms over his chest. “i’m a grown adult.”

“do you need some water? i don’t imagine you feel so good after chugging that much beer,” mick mutters under his breath. “you should really sit down.”

“don’t act like you care.”

“logan,” mick sighs, closing his eyes momentarily to let his frustration pass. “iced or room temp water?”

logan rolls his eyes. “stop acting all saint-like, man. i know you wanna hit me.”

“mate, i do not want to hit you.”

“for sure, you do. you just don’t know it yet.” logan shoves his hands into his pockets. he takes a step forward. “we all know you want to hit me. just do it.”

mick takes note of the step he takes, but stays planted into the ground. “i don’t want to fight you.”

“i know you do. the urge just hasn’t clawed at you yet,” logan grins sloppily. another step forward. “or are you holding back? because she doesn’t like messy guys and you’re scared you’ll lose her it you throw a punch?”

“i’m not holding back. fighting is a waste of time — i don’t like it.”

“she’s very conservative, dude, but she’s very forgiving,” logan nods, looking into the glass doors that lead into the house. he tries to spot you in the crowd but when he doesn’t, he returns his attention to mick. “you’re allowed a couple mistakes.”

“i’m not taking advantage of her like that.”

“i’m not asking you to take advantage of her kindness. i’m telling you that if you need to throw a punch or two, she will definitely forgive you. no need to be scared.”

mick laughs slightly, throwing his hands into the air to surrender. “i’m really not looking to fight with you. that’s beyond me, mate.”

“she appreciates when you let loose a little bit,” logan nods to himself. “why do you think we were going out all those months together? it’s not just cause i won her over with my charm, ya know. she’s got a bit of a wild side, mate.”

mick tilts his head, squinting slightly. he appreciates the extent logan is going to just to rile him up.

“if you don’t know that, then maybe she’s just not comfortable with you.” one more step forward. “i know so well a side of her even you’ve never seen before.”

“do you?”

“yeah,” logan answers in a low tone. he drops his head, one corner of his lips turning up into a smirk. “she’s got that perfect picture smile from a magazine, but you should have seen her when we went to this one party on campus.”

“ah. so?”

“do you know that she gets touchy when she consumes tequila?” logan perks up innocently. “very brave — she’s taken body shots before, you know. off of me?”

“okay? that was a frat party; of course you guys would host that kind of activity. i was there when that happened.”

logan ignores the jabs at the fraternity.

“kissed her yet? in case you haven’t, she tastes like those strawberry mints she always keep a tin of inside her pocket. they’re very minty, but it’s lovely.”

mick grins, pursing his together. “yeah, i know.”

“have you seen her in that one baby doll dress that she likes wearing a lot? what about her yellow sundress that barely covers her thighs?” logan pouts his bottom lip out. “it’s a scene when the wind comes by.”

“mate, you’re kind of crossing a line now,” the german chuckles. “don’t talk about her like that. i know you like her too.”

logan takes another step forward, eager to find that one trigger in mick. “do you know the mole she’s got on her hip? on the left side of her lower back. it’s really really visible when you’re fuc–“

“aw, fuck’s sake!”

logan almost bursts into laughter when he realises what had happened. his back meets the land of grass in the backyard, a pain shooting through his face. when he looks up, a crowd has formed around them during their conversation and liam is already knelt by his side.

lifting his head, he sees mick covering his face with both hands. he runs his hands through his hair as he looks down at logan with wide eyes, hands cupping his warm cheeks. “oh, my god. oh my god.”

oscar and lily pour out of the glass doors with a crowd following them out, the australian raising his eyebrows at his best friend lying back on the ground with a bloody nose.

“logan?” oscar asks, already knowing that he’s probably done or said something to trigger the normally calm headed man in front of him. “what did you do?”

logan scoffs, letting liam help him to sit on the sun bed. “i have the bloody nose and you’re asking me what i did? why don’t you ask him? he hit me.” logan points at mick as he takes the tissues that liam is putting into his hands.

oscar stares at logan. “really? you’re going with that?”

“yeah,” logan grins, glancing at mick. he presses the tissues to his nose, hissing when pain shoots through his face again at the contact. “god, dude. you don’t look like it but you can throw a punch.”

mick nurses his knuckle, taking a couple of steps back. “i know, mate. i’m not stupid.”

you stumble out of the glass doors, heaving as frederik keeps a firm grip on your shoulders. you were in one of the bathrooms upstairs — where it’s exceptionally cleaner — when mick threw the punch (frederik was holding your purse waiting for you outside the door).

when you made your way back down, the crowd inside the house halved. frederik would tap ollie, taking body shots off of someone, asking where everyone had gone.

and ollie, lying back on the table as he put salt on his stomach, pointed to the backyard and muttered something about a possible fight. “logan, maybe,” he muttered before promptly shooing you away.

you look at mick first, who has his shoulders slumped with oscar and lily by his side and is staring at you with guilt all over his face. then you look at logan, being nursed by liam and someone else, with a tissue and an ice pack against his face.

“yeah?” logan perks up with a scoff at you. “can’t pick who to nurse?”

@cashtons-wife @localwhoore @vroomvroomcircuit @foreveralbon @what-is-happening-helpp

[spencer-sweets]

Marvel Fic Recs | Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

so i have been a part of the spideypool fandom on and off since... 2019? some of these are really old and I might not remember details other than I thought it was great at the time - and when i started reading spideypool i didn't bookmark as liberally as i do today. got back into it after Deadpool and Wolverine (feel free to send me fics you think will get me more into that ship). How well these stand up against the test of time... can't be certain on all of them but at least they brought me joy the first or second time around.

let me explain by jilliancares Gen 8,505 Wade scoffs, shaking his head and elbowing Peter in the side. “Sure,” he says, sarcastic. “That’s why your spidey-sense doesn’t see me.” Peter’s on the verge of laughing, wanting to join Wade in his amusement, but he freezes. His entire body goes still. He finds himself staring at a roof three buildings over, not even looking at anything. Two blocks away, a car alarm finally shuts off. “I never told you that,” Peter says, the realization startling him. Or: Peter's starting to realize just how much Wade knows about him.

this was cute and fluffy.

I'm Something of a Scientist Myself by fancastical Explicit 11,422 Wade decides to start dousing himself in various synthetic spider sex pheromones before meeting up with Spidey, because why wouldn't he? They have some… interesting results. Wade feels downright scientific.

its smut but wacky. as i noted in my bookmark (very rare of me) "Fucking awesome and I dont usually bookmark pure smut... However there was so much effort put into this one it is definitely going down in history."

Freefall by Wilt Explicit 37,557 It's been a long time since Peter took off his mask in front of someone he loved, cracked a nervous smile and said, “This is me”. He swore to himself he'd never do it again, and he's been making a good run of it by spending more time as Spiderman than Peter Parker for the past few years. But for some reason, being Spiderman also means spending a lot of time around Deadpool. And, like clockwork, that same old turmoil comes creeping back again.

i bookmarked this in April of 22' (gonna re-read it and i'll update this). its got mutual pining and an identity reveal tho so its kind of hard to fuck that up.

Allostasis by ruralfishingcat Mature 42,434 Peter had a tendency to put up walls to isolate himself; even as Spider-Man, he could only suffer through so much death and destruction. It was precautionary, really, and those he'd pushed away would thank him were they aware of the circumstances. Of course, Deadpool had his own tendencies, one of which was to break down said walls (fourth ones included). As grating as it was, a small sliver of Peter hoped the mercenary would be able to succeed.

no memory of this but i bookmarked it back in 2022 and i didn't bookmark much back then.

fall out, boy, so i can fall in(to you) by TheMadKatter13 Explicit 81,041 Deadpool keeps having sex with Peter and Peter… Peter keeps letting him.

smut... pure smut.. with a side of plot and pining

we're on a highway to hell (with a little bit of heaven) by dabblingwithwords Mature (I would say Explicit) 107,557 Hydra has had Peter in their custody for three years. Deadpool is hired to break him out. Throw in an alien symbiote, motels, and superhero explosions and things get gay.

I don't remember a lot of the details of this fic but it is THE spideypool fic for me. this fic stuck with me for so long. i read it when i first got into spideypool - then the second time around - and i might read it again it was that good.

Dissonance by stuckybarnes Mature 121,395 Wherein Deadpool is reluctantly hired to protect Peter Parker from an organization out to hunt him, with varying success on both ends and quite a lot of feelings, revelations, and identity crises.

i recently re-read this and its fun. its a bodyguard fic with spideypool and secret identities.

Dead Men Walking (series) by doctorestranged Explicit 235,937 When a series of murders take place, Peter Parker goes undercover in Sister Margaret’s to get intel on Tony Stark’s prime suspect: Deadpool. Peter goes in hoping to get enough information so that Spider-Man can save the day, but like everything in Peter’s life, it becomes a bit more complicated than that and it soon becomes apparent that he might not be the best fit for the job.

I remember very little about this series other than this made me spend a week hyperfixating on book binding because i was willing to kill to get my hands on a physical copy of this.

The Amazing Deadpool by harrytiptoe Mature 481,270 Basically a rewrite of the first Deadpool movie mixed with The Amazing Spider-Man movies (AKA what if they were the love interest in each other’s movies). What if Wade had changed his plan and Peter had been the one delivering pizza to Jeremy the stalker.

hear me out on this one - it set pre-deadpool and during the amazing spider-man. its a self indulgent fic for those who wanted to see more of mercenary wade wilson who threatens the pizza guy and more gayness from tasm. the sequel does go into deadpool 1 but it hasn't been finished yet. this is an epic length fic that i have finished twice and started over again i love it that much but its definitely not for everyone. its got a weird age gap with peter being 18 and not out of high school and i know some people don't like wade with no scars. don't come at me lol.

thats all for now folks.. will probably update this in the future

originally posted: 8/13/2024

[adventuringblind]

Nerospicy has never been so cute

Oscar Piastri x Nerodivergent!reader

Genre: fluff... angst if you squint.

Request: nope but they are open! Max, Charles, Oscar, Lando, George, Daniel and Pierre are on the list. Also open for poly fics if anyone is interested.

Summary: just cute fluff between Oscar and his autistic coded partner

Warnings: idk people who can't mind their own business IG

Notes: This is self-indulgent, and I do not care. I just wanna feel supported, okay? T_T

Also, I've sent up my account to let tips be enabled. I was debating whether or not to say this because i dont want to sound like im begging, but frankly, people opinions do not matter me me. If you like my writing and want to support me, please consider tipping my posts or my blog. I put a lot of effort into my writing, and it would mean the world to me. Obviously, I won't have my feeling hurt if you ignor this but I wanted to put it out there.

Masterlist

You weren't sure if you'd ever fit in with people. Something about you always felt different from others.

Maybe it was that you didn't understand their antics. Their jokes weren't funny to you, or you didn't understand them. They seemed you as sensitive, but you're really just incredibly empathic.

You were interested in things that they weren't. You hated certain foods, textures, and feeling in general.

Then somtimes it all became too much. Alone in a dark room with headphones in. Attempting to soothe yourself from the overwhelming feelings running through your mind and body.

Your friends wanted to go out of a Friday night. Previously, you were feeling alright and decided to go with. Instantly regretting your decision as soon as you walked into the door of the club.

It was here that you met Oscar.

He didn't really want to be here. He'd given into the pleas of his friends who didn't want to go without him. He liked people and going out to have fun, but he wasn't in the mood right now.

He noticed you sitting at the bar nursing a drink. You looked like you wouldn't bother him, and the bar was already crowded, so he sat down on the stool next to yours.

You briefly looked over at him. Finding your drink to be more entertaining than the male next to you.

You were getting more overwhelmed by the second. The discreetly hidden earbuds only help so much. The vibration of the bass and the lights combined made you want to puke. You wanted to get out of there, but your body was ever so slowly shutting down.

Oscar noticed how your body was shrinking into itself. He didn't want to stare, but it was obvious you were in distress.

"Are you alright?" Asked the Australian.

You didn't look up at him, and words became too difficult, so you settled for shaking your head no.

Oscar thought about it for a minute. "Do you want to get out of here? I'm not in the mood to party, and you don't seem like you are either." He grimaced at how awkward he felt like he sounded. "I promise I'm not a serial killer or something." He laughed but it was more at himself then anything.

Eager to leave, regardless of who the man was, you stood up and made your way towards the door. You didn't have a tab, just water in your glass to make you feel like you belonged.

Once outside the door, you breathe a sigh of relief. Less people, less vibration, and less light.

You wanted to cry, though. Your body still feeling everything.

"Do you need anything? A ride home even? I probably seem like suck a creep right now." Oscar rubs his temples.

For the first time, you fully examine the male. Shocked to see kind features and gentle eyes. He was wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans.

"Thank you." You managed. Not wanting him to feel like a weirdo any longer.

He paused and looked up at you. Wanting to find your eyes but noticing your eyes did not want to find his. "I'm Oscar, by the way." He reached out his hand for you to shake.

Which you did hesitantly. "I'm Y/N."

~

You had explained to Oscar that you didn't live close to here. Over an hour away at best. You'd been exploring the town with friends earlier in the day when they decided to end the night at the club.

He offered you a stay at his apartment for the night and then he could take you home in the morning.

"Actually, can I take you on a date first?" He'd found you intriguing and beautiful, and he didn't want this to be for one night.

You were nervous, to say the least, but when he offered to take you anywhere you wanted to go, the deal seemed appealing. Furthermore, there was a music store you wanted to look at that your friends had passed by. So when he offered, you pointed him in the direction.

"Can I ask you something?" His eyes never left the rode, and you were grateful for it. It helped the conversation flow easier for you.

"Sure." You shrugged.

"Why are you wearing earbuds?"

Oh. You dreaded this. Talking about the way your body and mind work had yet to end well.

Your hesitancy did not do unnoticed, so Oscar quickly followed up with "you don't have to answer if it's uncomfortable."

"Well, it's just that- loud noise makes me overwhelmed, and things like headphones help drown it out." You fumbled.

"Oh I use those at work too sometimes cause it can get loud."

He seemed so natural saying it. His calm demeanor helping you to read him a bit better.

He then proceeded to tell you about his job and ask questions about you. He was very clear when he spoke. Eventually helping you to wind down.

This guy you just met was taking you on a date. Was it a good idea to out yourself? Probably not, but if you didn't care for people opinions much. "I'm autistic."

"I was wondering that but didn't want to ask. I had a friend in school that was, and in some ways, you seem similar to him." He hit his head on the steering wheel. "I'm not trying to stereotype. I'm sorry that probably sounded rude."

You laughed at him. His response was one of the best you'd been given. "It's alright, it's actually kind of cool that you picked up on it."

When you arrived it the music store it was ten minutes to close. The records lined the walls, and boxes of CDs were packed to the brim. Not many people use them nowadays, but it felt comfortable in the little store.

You and Oscar browsed the music and talked about the different kinds of music you like. It felt natural. Even when you knew you were info-dumping, he just listened intently and asked questions about your interest.

Soon enough, the shopkeeper asked you both to leave. You waved a thank you and slid back into Oscar's car.

"Thank you for indulging me. I really enjoyed this." You were shocked to hear that come from him. Mainly because you felt like you talked his ear off.

The drive to his apartment was quiet, but not the awkward kind.

He opened the door for you when you arrived. His apartment was comfortable. It's not super empty or overly decorated. It's just comfortable.

"Right, so you can borrow some of my clothes for tonight and take the room, and I'll take the couch." He didn't even give you a chance to protest as he sped off to gether the essentials.

You two didn't do much sleeping that night. Wasting away the time. The clock moving two fast for your liking. You two spent hours conversing and laughing with each other.

Somewhere along the line, Oscar passed out on the couch, and you had made your way to his room like he said to.

You two exchanged numbers when it was finally time for you to leave his car. He promised to stay in contact with you.

A promise he followed through on. It didn't take long til you were following him around to races.

You were mostly watched from the quiet places in the McLaren paddock. Sometimes, it even curled up in Oscar's driver room. He didn't mind, though, making it a small game you played between the two of you.

You and Lando got along nicely as well. Oscar only getting frustrated when it comes to both of you and your eating habits.

You were manageable, but Lando was just ridiculous in his eyes.

You didn't actively say your autistic but definitely explained why you are the way you are. Eventually, people came to their own conclusions. The gossip pages included.

You didn't really understand the criticism at first. People had always misjudged and misunderstood. But when they started nitpicking your every move, it became annoying.

The names didn't bother you. It was them saying Oscar deserved someone who wasn't as weird.

It followed you everywhere. These labels that the media had given you.

You were happy with Oscar. He treated you so well, and you were doing your best to support him. You two created your own small routines that you enjoyed.

You couldn't even walk through the paddock without journalists trying to question you. The physical souch of their bodies and shouting so they could be heard sending your body into overdrive. You liked the environment of racing, but this was over your limit.

You were so glad you texted Oscar you had arrived. Him responding that he was already on his way to you.

He noticed the journalists first, then you at the center of attention. Your hands in your hair and your breathing rapid. You looked like you might scream.

His legs moved faster than his mind as he put himself in between you and anyone else. Very gently, placing a hand on your shoulder to try and guide you away.

You did end up screaming. Your body needing to release all the pent-up emotions you'd been wanting to release earlier. Thankfully, it was somewhere private and muffled by Oscar's jacket.

You didn't want the so close like that. They were too much. They questions they asked were incredibly invasive. Some even going as far as to ask about intimate things.

You managed to explain to Oscar what happened. His listening intently, watching you play with his fingers in the pattern your head had come up with.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make things hard for you."

Oscar smiled and simply shook his head. "You aren't making things difficult, and on the contrary, you and your nerodivergent brain have never looked so cute."

"I just got done screaming and trying to self-soothe."

"It doesn't matter. You still look absolutely adorable." He kissed the top of your head, hoping to convey what he was feeling without words.

Am hour later, Oscar had posted to his socials about you. A letter to anyone who wants to form an opinion.

"Leave my girlfriend be. Neither of us likes having our personal lives invaded. You like to assume things but don't have all the facts. I love her very much, and that should be all that matters."

As you read it and looked at Oscar, who was giving you a goofy smile for being proud of what he'd just done. You realized just how much he loved you. Despite your labels, he saw past them and loved you for you.

[shivstar]

The real Remus Lupin.

One thing suddenly came to my mind and it is not leaving me alone.

It is 25th anniversary of the prisoner of Azkaban. So perfect timing too.

So, please share your thoughts.

What do you think was Remus 's involvement in the creation of Marauders Map????

I am asking this because numerous fan fiction have gaslighted us all in believing that he was a core participant, if not the key person.

BUT.....

In POA, when he has an entire year, he could have shared such a treasured knowledge in helping finding that criminal Sirius Black.

Or if it was such a private information, he could have remade the map on his own or with the help of house-elves etc. Like anything. Putting efforts that show that he is really worried just like everyone else for Harry's safety. About all the dementors negatively effecting all the kids in school.

I never thought that among so many information he was sitting on, marauders map was one such info too.

Him finding the original map is such a coincidence. Like a fruit falling in his lap. And him running without thinking things through.

But either he was not involved in the creation. And the other three just wrote his name out of friendship. In that case, this is my closing argument to the debate that Remus was not all that intelligent and creative. It was all Sirius and James.

Or he had the weapon to catch Sirius and he didn't. Which is. Betraying James's memory and friendship. Peter's too. The same Peter, he knew up until this point, was killed by Sirius Black.

You guys tell me what it can be. Because if he was participants in the creation, he at the end would have learned how his friends did their share of creation. Like them passing their learnings. Etc. So dont comment and tell me that he must not know the other's portion of creation.

PS. - All those obsessive wolfstar fans who are going to say that he was in love with sirius and didn't want to use his knowledge because of any romantic reasons. Kindly stay away.

[cmncisspnandmore]

heyyy so i saw that your requests were open so i wanted to ask:

could you write an Simon Ghost Riley x fem!reader where she kinda has control issues as she could never trust people with doing the bare minimum so she always does it herself- (she is a civilian by the way). so one day simon sees her breaking down, losing her golden patience and being a crying mess because she is so stressed with doing everything

(ngl i need some comfort after that happened to me)

love you and dont stress yourself!!

Hi Nonny! I hope you're feeling a little better now. You can always message me if you need to talk. I'm sorry this isnt super long, my 3D printed tiny human is having a rough day, but i wanted to get this out for you. I hope i did it justice, its kinda hard to put into words what doing everything looks and feels like. But I did my best. If its not what you wanted/needed please let me know and I will try again. Lots of Love <3 Paige

Pairing: Simon X Reader

Warnings: Overwhelming feelings, soft simon, little bit of butt touching. Like one swear word.

Word Count: 960

You were tired.

Beyond tired, you were exhausted.

The kind of exhaustion that seems to be radiating from your bones. Your hands shake as you sit on the floor of the bathroom. Your back pressed against the side of the bathtub. The cool surface sends chills down your spine as you wipe your hands across your cheeks. It was a pointless action, the tears were falling faster than you could get rid of them. Your cheeks are raw and sore from the constant rub.

Your chest aches from trying to hold back the sobs that threaten to escape. You clamp a hand over your mouth as your shoulders shake, strangled gasp for breath leaving your lips. A pair of boots stop outside the bathroom door and you know that you’ve been caught. Your best efforts to keep quiet, to not worry Simon, have been foiled.

There's a soft knock on the bathroom door, followed by the handle being turned, the wood creaking as Simon’s blonde hair and brown eyes peek behind the door.

“Love?” He says softly, as he slips through the door and closes it again, coming to crouch down in front of you. His brows pulled together in worry. “What's wrong?” He asks softly.

“I’m tired… I just.. I need the world to just pause for a moment so I can catch my breath,” you sniffle, as Simon takes a seat next to you. His arm wrapping around your shoulders as they shake.

“What do you mean Lovie?” He asks, his fingers brushing along your upper arm as he listens.

“I feel like I can never relax.. There’s always something that needs to be done. The dishes, the laundry, something at work, going to appointments, making sure the house is taken care of while you’re gone. I feel like i'm running on empty,” you sob, resting your head on his shoulder.

Simon is quiet for a moment, his hands continue to stroke the fabric of your shirt sleeve as he holds you. He knows the feeling, the inability to let someone else do something for you because what if they don't do it right. Or what if they don't do it at all? He's been there before, after his family was killed. After he was buried alive. He didn't trust anyone else to do the job, so he did it all himself. Wore himself out so thin he wasn't sure he would ever recover.

He noticed it in you too, at first he thought you were just trying to be independent. That you wanted to show him that you could do things on your own when he was away. Which Simon appreciated, he liked to know that you would be okay while he was gone but it quickly became more than that. You started taking over all the chores, making sure that everything was done before he got the chance.

It wasn't to say that Simon didn't try to help you. He did, but you were often insistent that you could do it, you didn't need him to look after you. Night after night you would come home, make dinner, clean it up, and do everything in between, while waving Simon off with the promise you could handle it.

But now, as Simon holds you in his arms on the bathroom floor he wishes he could take what you're feeling away. He wishes he tried harder to get you to relax, because it was clear you hadnt relaxed in a long time. Simon takes a deep breath, his head resting on yours.

“You gotta let me help you, Lovie…” he whispers.

“But i can do it…” You sniffle, pulling away slightly to look at him with teary eyes.

“I know you can, but you don't have to. You don't have to do everything yourself, we’re a team…” His hand comes to rest on the side of your cheek, wiping away your tears. “How can we be a team if you do everything yourself? You know how much I love you right?” You give him a small nod, leaning your cheek into his hand.

“Good girl…” he smiles slightly, “And because I love you, I need you to start letting me help you out. You don't need to be the one who keeps the house in order, or makes dinner every night, you don't need to pretend that nothing is bothering you. I know how stressed you are at work. I know how you feel like you're being pulled a million different directions at all times because you feel like you have to do everything, control everything. But you don't, Love.” Simon’s thumb wipes some of the tears from your cheeks.

“So what you're going to do now, is you’re going to change into your comfiest clothes, and you’re gonna go to our room and lay down, pick out a movie, and i’ll be there in a moment. Then we’re gonna spend the rest of the day in bed, napping and eating junk food until you feel a little better, okay?” He leans forward kissing your forehead.

After a moment you let out a small sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. “Okay…” you mumble into his shoulder as his arms wrap around you, one hand on the back of your head. “I love you Simon…” You whisper.

“I love you too, now go,” he smiles as you pull away. As you stand up and head out of the bathroom, Simon's hand smacks your ass, a yelp leaving your lips as you look back at him with a small smile on your face.

“Simon!” you scold.

“Sorry Darling, I couldn't help myself,” He smirks as he follows you out of the bathroom.

[ch3rryb0mb3rr]

Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.

--

I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.

No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings

I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!

(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)

(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)

Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??

I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.

--

'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.

'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.

'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.

--

These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.

Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.

Its really fucking gross actually.

--

At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.

Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.

I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.

--

Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly

Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.

Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.

It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)

Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)

[kumezyzo]

angst Sapnap fic where singer!reader publishes an album after their breakup and Sapnap is listening to it knowing the songs are about him?

its sad, really. you two didn't break up because of a horrible fight that went too far or an unfair infidelity. you broke up because of your schedules. you would go months without seeing each other, each one of you respectively getting sucked up into your work. texts and calls slowly growing smaller and shorter with too much time passing between each one. so you two decided it would be easier to break up.

there was no bargaining or begging the other stay. no promises to make more of an effort to stay in contact. and dont take it the wrong way. You two didn't do this because that spark was gone, but because that spark, that love, was burning too strong for either of you to hold each other back.

maybe it's true that neither of you dated for a while after. maybe you each cried for hours and mourned the loss of what could have been. but it's known that when someone has experienced heartbreak in a way that could never be described, they turn to what they're best at. their escape.

your ex-boyfriend worked on himself, physically that is, and threw himself into longee recording sessions. people argued it was the best era of his career in those months after you two split.

and you poured your soul into writing your music. creating melodies where people could feel your sorrow. when you tried to write about something else, it kept coming back to him. the image of his green eyes and the sound of his beautiful laugh oozing through music. and in the deepest part of your files, you ignored the song you were writing for him before you split.

the album you put out six months after the breakup was your best selling. people's theories of it being about him turned out to be true, and it gave everyone the insight that it was simply the case of the right person at the wrong time. a peak into your love.

but it wasn't that simple. in fact, it was too complex for anyone to truly understand and feel your feelings through the speakers of their phones or earbuds. but he understood it.

he listened to it on stream to "show his support" but grew morbidly silent after hearing the first two tracks. he was tempted to turn off the stream, crawl into bed, and listen to your voice as if you were singing directly to him and only him.

and in a way, you were. the laughing on the last track on the album was meant for him. who else would know it was from the one night you two went on a late night ice cream run and thought to 'vlog it'. who else would know that the title of the song was one that he had come up with when you asked him the simple question, "what would you want me title a song if i made one about you?"

"nickles," he responded, "because my name is Nick."

who else would know that the title of the album was Spare Change, not because what you felt for him was like the unwanted almost valueless money at the bottom of your bag, but because you had so much leftover love for him. you had so much love for him that you would find it in random places, and you couldn't get rid of it.

sorry if this isn't what you asked for, im just in a weirdly poetic mood 😭😭 i hope you guys enjoyed, tho! this was really fun to write. and i guess im kinda back? idk dont get your hopes up 😅 -Nony

[rillils]

post fall bucky having a fear of heights?? ive always thought that he'd be afraid of heights, like he wasnt afraid of it at all before his fall, go ask steve. but after falling?? he tries to hide it from steve, how scared he is.. and steve, bless his poor soul, he blames himself for not realizing sooner, he thinks he shouldve known, he couldnt possibly have. hes always seen bucky as this brave courage man, and bucky didnt want to ruin steve's image of him worse than he already think he did. and oh my fucking god

THE POST PLANE CRASH STEVE BEING AFRAID OF TIGHT SPACES?? BECAUSE IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO FEELING THE COLD SEEP IN THROUGH HIS VERY BONES WHILE HE GETS CRUSHED BY ALL THE WATER, ICE, AND DEBRIS?? DONT GET ME STARTED OH MY GOD

HONEY I FEEL LIKE YOUR LEVEL OF CRUELTY TOWARDS ME SPECIFICALLY IS REACHING DANGEROUS LEVELS HERE

but I get it, I getchu hon, sometimes we just gotta put the blorbos in a Situation™, that's how we roll.

but holy shit 😭😭😭

I mean god, Bucky-

imagine how tough it must be for him, every time they're on a mission, 'cause he's first and foremost a sniper, isn't he? and for him, that often involves perching on the roof of really high buildings, and keeping as still as possible for as long as necessary - and above all, keeping a steady hand, because what is a sniper supposed to be if not precise and lethal and reliable?

and factor in all the other possible contingencies, too! like having to bolt if he's spotted by the enemy, and having to climb back down in a rush. or helping chase after the bad guys from rooftop to rooftop. or when, god forbid, they have to jump out of a plane and parachute themselves to a certain site.

it's an absolute nightmare for Bucky, but he just keeps trying to tough it out, right? grit his teeth, push through even when his flesh palm is clammy with sweat, even when his stomach is churning and his legs feel like jelly, even when his hands start shaking despite his best efforts to hold them still. it's scary and mortifying all at once, and he can't bring himself to say anything about it to anyone, especially to Steve. because he knows Steve would try to suggest he take it easy and stay behind, while Steve himself is out there risking his neck, and the very notion makes Bucky feel sick.

so he's just desperately hanging in there, right?

until something happens. he's dizzy, his hands are shaking too bad, he flubs a shot, Steve almost gets killed because of it. Bucky snaps. this is the last straw. he's done.

I mean, imagine how it must tear. him. apart. how horribly it must hurt him to admit to himself that he can't go on like this anymore. because on the one hand, fuck it all to hell, he's supposed to be by Steve's side! watch his six, protect him, make sure he makes it home in one piece! it's what Bucky's been doing ever since they were kids, it's a fundamental part of who he is! to even imagine letting Steve walk into a fight alone - no, not 'alone', without Bucky - is unthinkable. it's like denying himself a basic need. like denying who Bucky is, what he feels he was born to do, a biological imperative.

but. on the other hand, the thought of putting Steve in danger, of Steve getting hurt (or worse) because Bucky couldn't do his job properly, is even more unbearable.

Steve counts on him, trusts him with his life - as he should be able to do, if they're going to be a team - but how can Bucky allow that anymore, now that he can't even trust himself? how can he be what Steve needs, if he's going to let him down when Steve needs him the most? how would he ever forgive himself if something happened to Steve because of him?

he barely holds himself together until they get home, and then he just, he breaks down. stumbles over to the couch, crumples in on himself, trembling, pale like a ghost, taking in big gulps of air like he'll drown otherwise. telling a worried Steve, who's crouching next to him in a heartbeat, "I can't do this anymore".

now Steve, he had noticed that something was off for a while now, and Bucky's words just confirm what he already suspected. he thinks, of course Bucky's sick of this, of course he doesn't want to fight anymore - god knows he's got plenty of reasons to want to leave all this shit behind.

Steve could never imagine what the actual issue is, here - not until he's trying to tell Bucky that it's his right to retire if that's what he wants, that of course Steve supports him, and Bucky interrupts him to confess, in between sobs, where exactly the problem lies, and how he fears he's no longer fit to accompany Steve on missions, 'cause he'd risk becoming a liability rather than backup.

CUE A WHOLE SHITTON OF FEELS because fuck, how long has Bucky been feeling this way, and how did Steve not realize it sooner, and the way Steve's face twists with guilt when he wonders where this fear of heights might come from, and gives himself the most obvious amd most fucking heartbreaking answer, and Bucky can tell that he's hurting and blaming himself and they're just BOTH hurting and blaming themselves and hfgskfjskks HONEY WE'RE SPEEDRUNNING THROUGH ALL THE STAGES OF GRIEF HERE HELP

no, but. they're gonna have an honest conversation about this, okay? painful, yes, but also liberating. they're going to air out some of that hurt, and actually let it heal out in the open for once.

I figure there's gonna be lots of bargaining first, on both parts, like Bucky arguing that he could still fight, just maybe stick to the ground instead, and Steve telling him that he doesn't have to, and really he'd be happier knowing that Bucky's safe at home and not forcing himself into dangerous situations, and Bucky grumbling 'cause oh how the tables have turned, and just, you know, trying to find a way to compromise.

I think, maybe this is how Steve first starts to really, genuinely consider retiring, himself. like, not just picturing it in a distant, wistful way, oh wouldn't it be nice if we could do that, etc - but really, really entertaining the idea. letting himself plan it out. talking about it with Bucky, even with Sam and Nat, giving himself the chance to consider another kind of life. after all, there are plenty of battles to fight in the world, and not all of them require fists and guns, right? and if he can fight those battles too alongside Bucky, then so much the better 💖

CLAUSTROPHOBIC STEVE THOUGH OMG

somehow the first thing that comes to mind is that one scene from CATWS, when he and Nat find Zola's computerized ass and he blows up the building, and they're stuck in a tiny hole under all the rubble until Steve gets them both out. I CAN PICTURE ONLY TOO VIVIDLY HOW FUCKING SCARY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HIM, OH MY GOD

as somebody who shares that kind of phobia, may I submit to you one of the most obvious, most mundane monsters he might face: ELEVATORS. especially of the narrow, non-see through kind, where you're literally locked inside a metal box until it releases you from that torment. IF IT DOES. like honey the anxiety is real af okay

in the spirit of putting the blorbos in a Situation™, please picture them both in an old-fashioned elevator.

Steve hasn't mentioned his fear to Bucky, he's just been lucky so far, so he didn't have to bring it up. but the stupid thing is so slow, and the space inside is so small, and sure, Steve never minded being in Bucky's close proximity, but he can't stop thinking about getting the fuck out of there asap.

at some point the fucking thing stops, and oh good god they're stuck inside, and it's gonna take a while for help to come.

and Bucky, sweet, horny, unsuspecting Bucky, just makes a little joke about knowing just how they could pass the time until then, wink wink. he crowds Steve back against the already narrow wall, starts sucking languid kisses into Steve's neck-- and Steve's frozen, breathing in quick shallow breaths that could be mistaken for gasps of pleasure, holding onto Bucky with an iron grip because he can feel himself spiraling into panic, heart racing wildly, eyes darting from wall to wall like he can see them rapidly closing in on him, suffocating him, squeezing him in--

and it takes a moment for Bucky to realize what's really going on, but when he pulls back and sees Steve so terrified, hyperventilating and about ten seconds away from passing out, he switches into Protective Boyfriend mode like *snaps fingers*

he's like, "sweetheart, what's wrong?", and the second Steve gasps "out, I need to get outta here, now", Bucky springs into action and pries the elevator's door open with his bare hands, helping Steve climb out (the next floor was already into view) and following suit.

of course they're gonna talk about it (and realize that they should maybe stop hiding their respective fears from each other), and from then on... yep, they stick to stairs <3

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

Having some Tashiro (and prev pres) Thoughts

mostly just re-hashing things my fellow tashiro fans have said but I just felt like making my own post about it. be warned i wrote this while on a 4 hour drive on paper so im not sure how the length translates into a post, this will be a long one haha. also beware of inconsistent caps lock usage.

OBLIGATORY WARNING FOR SASAMIYA FIRST AND SECOND YEAR NOVEL SPOILERS

This whole thing was mainly brought on by two things, one is my non-ssmyverse friend dming me a twt screenshot with the most bland and uninspired description of tashiro's character ive ever read, signaling to me that tumblr has really spoiled me with the good tashiro takes. the other thing was that i got inspired to bring the first and second years novels with me on my previously mentioned long drive, which means that i got the pleasure of rereading both and, most importantly, rereading Tashiro Love & Passion. safe to say i had a lot to think about afterwards.

The whole thing really reminded me of the aspect of tashiro that i've always found interesting: his observant nature. And i dont just mean how he views others, but also how he views himself. How this perspective breaks the most of what we'd expect from a character like him, something Harusono loves to do with their characters.

From the first couple of pages in L&P alone, we get a lot of insight on how tashiro sees himself and how he bases much of that on how others view him.

He mentions a lot of clubs that he was a part of in the past or helped out with, describing his tendency not to stick around one club.

"The all-rounder." A "pinch player" anyone could call on.

I feel like this is an important place to start because just from this we see a bit of how Tashiro breaks from the mold of what an unassuming reader may expect him to be.

In the Sasamiya manga/anime, we dont really have too many chances to really view tashiro for who he is as an individual. with our limited perspective of him, we get to know miyano's friend tashiro, a bright, fun, and earnest character who says whats on his mind and is apparently on the ping pong team with hanzawa which is neat.

and if you werent a bit unhinged like myself and some others, this would be a fair assessment of his character. but ohhh boy once Love & Passion hit the towers there was no turning back.

there have been some posts getting into the themes of this chapter that i feel analyze it better than i ever could, so i wont do that, but i do want to talk about how tashiro's character is portrayed throughout the chapter.

And by far the main part that i want to focus on is how hardworking he is, and his and other's perspectives of him are effected by this.

Because tashiro is someone who wants very very badly to win, as he says numerous times throughout the chapter. Even under the guise of someday getting to quit the ping pong club, he pushes himself to get better; even going as far as practicing against the grannies and grandpas at the bath house that totally didnt adopt him.

For all his complaints, it would be easy to push off his actions as comedic. maybe, and im just making stuff up as i go, saying that he is only behaving as a stereotypical fun-loving slacker would. that his only motive truly is just to leave the club and drift through the rest of his high school days.

But then, that just isnt true is it? what kind of slacker would put so much time and effort into a club that he never even wanted to stick with in the first place?

This my dear friends, is how the Tashiro brainworms Fucking Get You.

Because why indeed, why is tashiro, who drifts through life wondering if he'll ever find his purpose, his Passion if you would, so impressive to the Previous Ping Pong Club President (prev pres) that he finds himself in line for future president?

While tashiro never really seems to figure this mystery out himself, we can take a few guesses.

While we will probably never see prev pres' thought process here (unless we get those 10k words of hanzawa lore that he'd probably be a part of) his actions speak for themselves in a way.

Afterall, this is the same president that got him stuck in this club to begin with, the same one who watched him complain, the same one who'd help drag him back whenever he would try to skip.

He's also the same president who watched him keep to their deal instead of just trying to find a way around it and quitting anyways. the same one who played against him at every practice, watching him learn and grow as a player. who saw him work hard, determined to not bring the team down, even if he wasnt as into it as the others. who saw him stick around.

in his perspective, tashiro takes multiple chances to not how he feels different from the people around him, that he has never known their "love" and never felt their "passion".

He finds himself surrounded by the Passion of others each day. His teammates, his friends, his bath house grandparents, just about everyone in the whole world. but what about him?

i mean, its not as if he's not interested in anything, he has things he likes. hobbies he enjoys. he just... never got that burning Passion, that unabashed Love for something like everyone else seems to have.

I think prev pres understood this part of him. that he saw what tashiro, for all his insightfulness, couldnt see for himself.

because for all tashiro believes that he doesnt have Passion, he sure does love to watch others indulge in theirs.

he takes note of what little he can catch while kuresawa and miyano talk BL, just so he can ask questions later. he gets to know the people at the bath house, listening as they talk about their lives and interests. and while he may not be "super into" in the ping pong club in general, he still wants to see his teammates succeed. he may never have stuck with a club for very long, but he still made himself reliable enough that he's seen as someone they can call to step in when needed.

in my mind i think that is what prev pres saw in him, how tashiro's dedication to see the Passions of others flourish assured him that the club would be safe in his hands.

and, while i cant say tashiro's passion is one specific thing right now, i can say that it encompasses every dream he wants to see grow. every love he curiously watches bloom. every ping pong match he fights to win.

[bravetimetravellingaussie]

And it feels like home

Chapter 1

Summary: Peter Parker is minding his own business when along comes the merc with a mouth, shenanigans will ensue

Warnings: foul language, it's got deadpool in it? I think that works as it's own warning

Possible spoilers, Spider-man: No Way Home, and Deadpool and Wolverine

"Where are you getting the guns from?" Spider-man stood on the edge of a towering building, holding onto a a thin white piece of web, from the end of which hung a flailing and terrified criminal.

"Agh!! Shit shit shit shit shit! I don't know! I don't fucking know! Shit! Please! Come on man, let me go!"

"If you say so." Spider-man let go of the web for a second, letting the man fall a couple of metres before catching the web again.

"OKAY LOOK MAN I'LL FUCKING TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW JUST PLEASE PUT ME BACK ON THE GROUND BACK ON THE GROUND PLEASE DONT DROP ME!"

"Thought so."

Since the disappearance of Peter Parker, the man behind the mask didn't have to put in any effort to make himself sound older. He also scarcely had to ask the same question more than twice. He rarely had the patience to ask a third time, and he could barely find the willpower to restrain himself from violence by the fourth.

It scared him sometimes how much he yearned for an excuse to punch people these days.

Peter Parker shifted the sleeve of his suit to check his watch as he slung through the city on his way back home after a long night of doing what he hoped was good enough to be considered superhero work.

3 am.

Peter groaned. He could feel how tired he was going to be for the rest of the day already.

"I fucking hate Mondays."

"Welcome to McDonald's, how can I help you?" Peter could barely keep his eyes fully open they were so dry.

"Hi, Tom, I'd like someone to drop a skincare routine that actually works for me and to get a job that pays well enough for me to move out of my mom's house so I can have fun time in the night time with my boyfriend without her screaming at us to shut up already. I'd move in with my girlfriend but she's abroad right now and she's having some friends house sitting for her. I'd understand if she didn't trust me with her plants or something, but she doesn't even have plants! I think she might just not trust me. I got her shot one time and I don't think she's over it yet, even though she never got shot because of me, because I went back in time and fixed that."

Peter glanced at his name tag that had 'PETER' written on it in bold letters. Then he looked back up at the man wearing leather from head to toe. It might have been red originally, but Peter couldn't help but wonder if it had been stained red by the multitude of wounds the man had all over his body, bullet wounds and stab wounds, slashes a gashes. The worst of which seemed to be the man's freshly amputated hand.

"McDonald's welcome help you how?"

"Oh, right, I'm sorry, your customer service voice is so soothing and therapeutic. Shame they don't let you speak in your mother tongue, they know it'd be too much for the world to handle." The man leaned his elbows on the counter and rested his head in his hand, kicking one leg up.

Blood dripped from the man's wrist down onto the counter, but Peter was so sleep deprived all he could think about was how he was gonna have to clean that up.

"Alright! I'd like a big meal, big mac with fries and coke. I do mean the drinking kind, unfortunately, damn that Feige guy, Blind Al has a bone to pick with him after the bullshit she had to go through for Deadpool and Wolverine." The man chuckles. "You know how it is."

Peter would have said, no, I really don't, but for all the weird shit he'd encountered in his life, this was just about the strangest.

"I'd pay for this, but I don't carry my wallet in my work pants. I think this is gonna have to be on the house, you'll do that for me, wontcha Tommy, my bestest friend in the whole wide multiverse?" The man didn't want for an answer before taking the paper bag that had just been placed on another counter and running out of the store, waving at Peter through the glass once he was outside.

"Sir, that- sir that wasn't... That wasn't your order, sir- that was not your order," one of Peter's coworkers said quietly beneath her breath as she stared after the man in red.

Everyone else in the McDonald's seemed to have been similarly entranced. Somewhere a child was crying.

"I'm taking a sick day," Peter said to no one in particular.

[kithj]

the more people complain about genderlocked characters i feel like the more stubborn i get about it...

i just feel like. there's a fine line between wanting to see yourself reflected in the art you engage with (everybody wants this to some extent) versus just straight up refusing to engage with any kind of art that you can't personally relate to.

and sure you can argue it's not that deep when we're just talking about romance games i guess but usually this extends beyond just IF romance games, i see it on bookstagram or in mainstream video gaming circles, too... and particularly in IF & gaming it tends to lead to this very entitled attitude where if the thing doesn't appeal exactly to what you personally want, then it's Bad and Wrong.

i definitely understand in some instances, as a butch lesbian there is like... no game even off the top of my head that i can think of that actually has someone that looks like me in it (except for the stuff i've personally written. lol) and i do really like the gender-selection mechanic for this reason. most of the time it's the only way we get sapphic ROs. but to me that's just a band-aid and not a real solution, especially when a lot of authors tend to lean on bioessentialist ideas to depict the gender-selectable variants, and most of the time don't even seem to be aware that they're doing it.

i would much prefer actual female characters, or actual trans characters, over gender-selectable characters. because the other thing we see is that a lot of the time the male variation is the most popular, and is seen as the "default." this is through no fault of the author, really, it's just how the cookie crumbles, i guess.... i don't really know what the solution is but i do really wish people would be more mindful about... well. all of it. authors and readers alike. and maybe broaden your horizons and read something that's different for you, or write something challenging outside of your comfort zone. i get that a lot of these games are pure wish fulfillment, and that's fine, we're not all going to like or want the same things. but when most games don't include people like me, i'm forced to pick from a much smaller pool of fish than everyone else, and i don't agree with that. both in that i wish there were more options for me, obviously, but also that i shouldn't only limit myself to games that "represent" me and am still willing to reach for something different and still give it a chance. both things can be true.

now when a game is intentionally excluding entire groups of people, of course that needs to be called into question. because then it's just bigotry, and we all know bigotry is bad, yes? a game that... let's say. only allows white mcs. is going to attract a particular kind of audience. we know this we can acknowledge this. but i do also kinda think it's a waste of time to try and appeal to authors like this... i'm not against offering feedback but at the end of the day these authors excluded these people for a reason and they have no interest in us. don't bother. there are other authors out there that are writing women and trans people and poc that you can read instead of trying to get a misogynist or a racist or a transphobe to write about people they clearly don't give a shit about.

and i really feel like that encapsulates why i both like and dislike the gender-selectable mechanic... again it's just a temporary band-aid. it lets me play a sapphic mc for a little while. but the larger problem still remains which is that there are no depictions of butch lesbians (or lesbians in general) in most of these games, and there are not a lot of authors out there willing to even try. there are a lot of instances where i feel the gender-selection mechanic is just... a cop out. there's no thought or effort put into it.

i dont think every single author needs to start genderlocking or anything (that would be stupid) i just wish it was something both authors and readers would spend more time thinking about, rather than just automatically defaulting to gender-selection. people approaching Blood Choke and then complaining that it's all genderlocked but... the story is About being a lesbian. it would not exist in any other way. and the beautiful thing is that you can still read it even if you're not a lesbian! in fact i wish more people would. again, reach for something different and you might find that you actually like it. you might even connect with it in a way that surprises you. meanwhile The Northern Passage has a lot of options for the mc both in the character creator and when it comes to romance options. i have a gender-selectable character there, and a lot of people enjoy that, and i do too. and i also chose to lock Clementine originally because i knew i wanted there to be a nonbinary RO that could not be ignored (and then the other two followed shortly after once i started writing).

there's Nuance. there are lots of reasons to genderlock and there are lots of reasons why someone might not. there are games out there that let me play with an all female cast that i hate, other games with a mixed, genderlocked cast that i love. there are authors out there that do handle their gender-selectable characters well, some of my favorite games utilize it! and there are genderlocked games that are all just skinny white cis people that make me recoil. there are downsides to both. this is not an either-or situation. it's just something to think about, both when creating a character as an author and when engaging with a work as a reader.👍