#don't understand why no one make fanart with them x)

[tokay-blog]

[caprisunnydays]

Kurapika x Reader Head canons

I never see Kurapika content that keeps his actual character in mind, so here's some of my personal opinions on what being loved by our fav pretty boy is like :)

First of all, he's not interested in a relationship

He's out for blood, everyone knows that, everyone understands that. He's not even thinking about being in a relationship

But then he met you

Stupid, wonderful you

I don't think it would be a "love at first sight" situation with rose petals and stary eyes and all that shiz cuz he's too emo for that

I could say he might be a demiromantic king but I digress

When you first met, he didn't think of you differently from gon or his other friends

But as you continued adventures with him, perhaps through and after the Hunter Exam, you both got to know each other better and he didn't even notice he was falling for you

He just thought it was a REALLY good friendship (again, romance isn't even a thought to him right now)

It becomes second nature for him to protect you in fights, especially against people like Hisoka

He just sticks by your side through adventures

He just finds your presence nice. Very peaceful very demure

He's drawn to you in a way he doesn't understand, but doesn't even think about

That's probably a good thing for now because when he realizes his feelings he's gonna have a freak out

Speaking of which-

One day he's crashing out over his clan for the millionth time and you're like "bro chill" and he doesn't obviously, but with you standing in front of him, he can't find it in himself to actually go off on you

Don't get me wrong, this is not a "bby look at me this isn't u" situation, it's just like you : "Kurapika PLEASE this isn't gonna solve anything right now this is not the time nor the place" him : Stares intensely You don't understand...starts monologuing but not cursing your name so like you're kinda special

Leorio makes jokes about how Kurapika is finally getting some, which makes him roll his eyes, telling him he's beings stupid

But then Gon genuinely asks why he makes goo goo eyes at you all the time "I'm just watching" He says...

Then he thinks about it a little more and he's like fuuuuuuuck... FUCK NO I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS

And then he buries his feelings.

He mentions them to NOBODY, not even his little group

It would take probably you almost dying or some big dramatic event for him to confess. It would be spontaneous and heart felt, probably in the rain (a little cheesy yes but I think it'd be cute)

"This horrible feeling in my chest...not just the burning hatred for those who have wronged me, but something else...It won't stop clawing at my insides. This...feeling...for you. I can't...feel this way about someone. Not right now...Not until what must be done is done." Something like that

If you want a relationship I genuinely can't see him in one for a while, and if you do it's gonna be a tad toxic, but he loves you so very much

You're all he has left, and he'll protect you with his life. That's tough though when he's always busy

BUT THATS FOR ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS WOOOOOOOOO

A bit long but I had fun with this, love hxh, will post more of those there's just not enough of my boy!

[nocturn-warrior]

Fall onto him like a pillow

Alucard x reader

Summary: Alucard feels sad and you decide to chill him up

Rating: fluff, smut, angst

Warnings: oral (male receiving), mentions of traumas, feeding (in a non kinky way), body worship (male receiving), kinda sub Alucard, reader's gender is not specified but i wrote this thinking about a female

This fic was inspired by @kundool 's adorable fanart

sorry if it has a bad writting, i literally lost all my progress because tumblr didn't save it and posted the incomplete fanfic.

It was a normal fall grey sort of day. You and Alucard had bought some groceries at the village. Even though the villagers insisted in giving their products freely to you two after all you and your friends have done for them, Alucard felt it was not fair to simply accept the groceries they put they worked so hard during the year. So Alucard and you would always bring them old itens that were only accumulating mold and memories.

All was well, so far. He greeted the old ladies, played with the orphans who became your children at heart and happilly chose the groceries in the wooden boxes.

But comming back home as you were sniffling a wild rose you have picked from a bush and rambling about funny events and gossips the old ladies have told you during your brief statement, you noticed Alucard stood stoic and silent, just answering your words with quick chuckles, not continuing the conversation and keeping his head bowed down

Usually he would connect your thoughts with his, adding something quirky or an accid comment about the situation, but not today.

"Adrian? Is everything alright?"

You ask, slowing your pace and making him look at you. He takes some seconds to answer a languid "yes, i am just mentally tired". He wasn't alright, you knew. You don't insist, though. Just follow your way towards the castle, trying to pull a true smile from his face but the results are the same.

The wide doors of the castle open as you two approach and close once you are inside. Alucard's behavior is more of the same; he helps you to place the groceries at the kitchen, but remains silent. A deep breath leaves his mouth before he turns towards the door.

"I am going to read a bit, my dear."

Although you wanted to comfort him, respecting Alucard's alone moments was something you tried your best to do. He isn't a child, after all. But you can't resist to the urge of comforting your lover.

"Adrian, here..."

You say, placing the wild rose you've collected behind his ear. You caress his chin:

"If you need me, i am here, alright?"

He smiles understandably before desappearing in the dark hallways of your home way to your chambers.

The hours pass by. You distract yourself sewing some torn spots in your clothes you don't even notice sun is starting to set. You must have dozed off.

Immediatly, your mind goes to Alucard. You fear his isolation was a form of asking for your comfort amd you just left him alone with his thoughts.

Quickly climbing up the almost infinite stairs, you reach your bedroom and before you could even thump your finger onto the door, you hear that unmistakable sniffling you've heard so many times before.

He hated when you saw him like that, no matter if you have already done it one million times. But you had to comfort him.

The dhampir who was knealing down in front of the bed, face buried in the plush cushion, has a little jumpscare when you sudden open the door and quickly wipes away the tears with the loose silk of his shirt. As if a simple motion could hide he was crying for hours.

"Aw, Adrian my love..."

You rush to him, knealing down by his side and placing caressing his back softly as he tries to put himself together. Adrian didn't know why exactly he was crying so no words could possibly leave his throat. It was only a deep, rooted feeling of dispair and grief.

All he did was turn to you, swallowing his tears before they could drown him. In moments like these, all he craved was your touch. You open your arms to him and Adrian quickly attaches himself onto your body, head resting against your chest as he sniffles looking at an empty spot of the room.

While caressing his back in soothing motions like a mother calming down a sobbing baby, you have an idea of how you could calm him down: cooking his favorite treat; strawberry muffins filled with jam, and a nice cup of chamomille tea.

You wait until he has completly calmed down so you could pull off from the hug and prepare the little surprise for your lover.

"You wet all my shirt with your tears, my love. Do you have a water dam behind those pretty eyes of yours?"

You joke to make sure he is completly fine and you can feel the vibrations of his chuckling as he is still with his head against your bosom. Slowly you pull off and tilt up his chin:

"Take some bath, my love. Dress a comfortable nightgown, get cozy in bed and wait for me. I will prepare something that will chill you up"

Curiously, Alucard nods his head, looking at you with those dewy amber eyes which long lashes are glued due to the tears. He already imagines what you are going to do and he would love to help you with the baking, but you insist for him to rest.

You want to spoil him that night in every way possible.

Alucard takes some minutes to put himself together looking at a spot in the room and envying it's emptiness. He wishes he could rest his mind just for a second, forget all of those thoughts that crushed him. But following your sweet order, the dhampir heads to the bathing room. He fills up the tub with huge buckets and relaxes in it.

All the while you are preparing the dough of the muffins, looking in an old book of recipes that belonged to Lisa. Your lover and you always look for an advice in this tome, cooking together is one of your favorite activities.

Fourty minutes later, Alucard is already settled nicely on bed. His hair is wet and loose, he wears his usual white nightgown and hugs your pillow, sniffling it to pretend this is your body. That way, tears wouldn't come back.

Checking out the muffins, you smile widely seeing they are already baked, and with a cooking glove, you pick up the sweet treats. The scent was so good Alucard could feel it from your room.

You place the small cakes in a plate. Four of them: two for you, two for Alucard. And while you wait for them to cool up a bit, you prepare the chamomille tea.

The door delicatedly opens and Alucard's eyes light up seeing you enter holding the plate. If he was crying you couldn't tell, but some little sniffles leave his nose before he sits up properly.

In the moment he smoothly moves, you can see your lover is not wearing underwears, which causes tingles in your groin, but you try to focus on pampering him with you cooking.

"Here"

You sit by his side, brushing his hair behind his ear and placing the plate on top of a pillow. Slowly, you cut a piece of the muffin, the hot strawberry jam drips from it, and takes a forkful towards Alucard's mouth.

The man softly hums, his eyes squinting together adorably as he appreciates the bite. You clean the jam from the corner of his lips and lick it from your finger.

"Do you like it?"

Alucard nods, his expression is no longer miserable as the one he had hours before, though his face is still puffy from crying.

"Thank you for doing these things to me even when i don't deserve"

He says with a sad smile. You hate to see Adrian put himself down like this. It took you so much time to make him forgive himself and perceive his own qualities that every breakdown felt like it all was starting again. Once he swallowed the bite, you gently shove another forkful into his mouth.

“You deserve this and so much more.”

You smile, seeing his cute surprised expression. Leaning your head onto his shoulder, you watch Alucard grab the book he was reading before you arrived and the two of you share the muffins while reading out loud, switching the narrator from page to page.

Alucard gives the delicious muffin a last bite and finishes drinking the chamomile tea. Leaving a pleased relaxed sigh, he leaves the empty cup and the book over the nightstand. Your heart instantly flutters, seeing how your love appreciated your little spoiling.

Through the thin silk of his nightshirt, you could see the pink tone of his cock. You itched to, instead of attaching your lips onto the strawberry treat, suck on his shaft until his so much sweeter seed spilled into your mouth. You wanted to drive him mad with pleasure.

“How do you feel now?”

You ask, finishing your tea. He was visibly feeling better now, though his face was still puffy from the previous crying and his eyes were still red. The dhampir chuckles, softly patting his toned abdomen:

“Full.”

“Show me, then.”

You grin and Adrian knows exactly your game, but he plays is obliviously, slowly rising up the nightshirt and showing his almost imperceptibly distended torso along with that pretty thin waist of his and of course, his pink flushed cock which head rested on the plush bed.

God, you wanted to worship every inch of his body: from his collar, his chest, to his godly abs. how could a being be so magnificently, ethereally beautiful? Alucard looked like the incarnation of Apollo and you wanted to praise that body of his so hard, you couldn’t contain your arousal now.

Your fingers traced around his nipples, travelling down to his stomach. Alucard's heartbeat increased as you felt onto him like a pillow, pinned him down on the bed and started kissing from his neck to down his bellybutton, touching and praising every inch of his skin.

Stopping in there, you looked down at his blushy face, eyes begging for you to slid lower and lower. But you wanted to hear the words coming from his sweet lips:

"Love, please"

He whimpers and you smirk, scooting down until you are knealing but your higher body is over his groin, his cock juts on your chest, hard and urging to be sucked.

When he felt the heat of your mouth meeting his cock, Adrian gripped onto the she sheets. His golden hair was spread on the bed like sunlight in a lake. You begin slowly, twirling your tongue around the pink head as your hand caressed his balls.

Then, with half of the length into your mouth, you sucked it vigorously, making beautiful moans come from Alucard's throat. He is seeing heaven and squirms to the sight of it.

You hold his hips on the bed as he squirms in pleasure and feels the dash of seed climbing up his urethra, the movements you make are sensual but passionated, and all the while you look into his eyes.

His warm sperm fills up your taste buds as Alucard leaves one last but sluttiest moan. You release his cock with an audible popping sound, sitting up on bed and peering down at him with a smirk.

Just seeing your beloved in a trance of pleasure makes you wet. He is receiving the treatment he deserves. A tear of pleasure slids down his cheek as his chest rises and falls.

Putting himself together, Alucard sits up in a swift, smooth motion. He smiles gidly at you, dressing his nightwear again.

You reach out to cup his heated cheeks, they were no longer red because of crying, but because of love. You place a wet kiss on his skin, his long eyelashes flutter like the wings of a butterfly.

Adrian then snuggles onto your bosom as your back rests on the soft pillows against the bedframe. Your hand sinks under his hair, massaging his scalp in soothing, delicated movements as he relaxes to your touch, blushing at your praises.

That way, you two fall asleep for that night. And when sadness knocks on his door, you are willing to pamper him again, no matter in what way it is.

[xitsensunmoon]

Biting the Hand That Feeds au FAQ (Vampires + donor au)

Any general content warnings for bhtf au?

Yes. A normal amount of fnaf warnings, a normal amount of vampire warnings. For someone who doesn't know I elaborate... For vampire stuff, the most obvious ones are blood, hypnosis, bites, and animalistic behaviour. Less obvious - slightly suggestive themes. For fnaf - fnaf's usual violence, dark themes, a drop of gore and murders. The lore is uh. Very dark. I will try to decrease the amount of all of the cruelty but man. People who know, know how hard it will be. But I will tag everything properly so don't worry.

Is there a fic for your au?

No. And currently, I'm not even planning on writing one.

How do I find the story?

For now, we have two comics that are directly connected and one that doesn't have a specific place in the story but is about canonical lore.

[ 1 ] - [ 2 ] - [ x ]

In future, we will have more and I probably absolutely will forget to update this post so I recommend checking the tags. Here's the tag list

Tip: don't click the tag. Tumblr hides half of the results. Type it in the blog's search instead :)

Are the comics the only canonical thing about au?

No! I answer asks and draw a lot of doodles with bhtf au all the time and 90% of them are canon. You can, yet again, find everything in the tag list linked in the previous question.

Can I draw/write fan stuff for your au?

Yes, please!! I'm always happy to see fanart and fan writings and literally everything that you do! Just tag me when you post and use a fanart or fanwriting tag for au specifically so I don't miss it!

Can you include my characters in your story?

No, unfortunately, I cannot. The story is already written and I don't have any "space" for background characters either. Maybe it will change but currently, things are like this.

I asked a question with an interaction with my characters and I never got an answer, why?

I don't accept such requests. I'm not ready to spend my time drawing other people's characters for free(if I personally don't want to, of course)

Is there any limit to how many questions I can ask?

No, not at all! You can ask all you want just please make sure your question wasn't answered before. There is a big possibility I will just simply delete it if it was answered beforehand many times. Check the ask tag for it.

What about limitations? Any boundaries?

Please no questions about tickling🧍‍♀️ I got so many of those it already makes me uncomfortable. And for some reason, a lot of people send asks that include violence towards my characters and while I don't really feel uncomfortable with this I just idk what to answer and why are you even doing this lmao

What questions I should avoid?

Well, not really avoid but I will mention it anyway.

The things I have planned to draw right now:

- Sun and Moon and y/n's first meeting

- The creation of Sun&Moon

- Why S&M are sensitive to light and darkness

- How they hunt

So no need to ask me about these. I will show it, I promise.

What about sexual themes?

I understand that I post a lot of suggestive stuff and it may appear I allow such a thing but no.

You can create content with it tho, I don't mind for the most part. Just be ready that I may not reblog it, as my Tumblr is a SFW place. It's always 50/50.

Romantic themes?

I do draw some kisses and cuddles when I feel like it and you of course can send ideas for cute interactions but in the story we're very far away from it lol.

My question gets ignored even though I followed everything that you mentioned here. Why?

Answered in main FAQ.

Can I share the ideas for your au with you?

YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! I'm very open to that, like yes! The only thing that I definitely want to mention - you should expect that I actually can take your ideas and use them. Some people are protective of their ideas so if you're like this you probably should not share them with me :)

The information that you're using for your au is wrong.

Happens sometimes yeah. I know nothing about any medical stuff for y/n so I usually improvise. After all it's an au about robotic vampires man, this information is absolutely wrong. But! You're free to drop feedback/constructive criticism in my inbox!

Will be updated later

[zapreportsblog]

My Girl

➥ summary: Twin brothers Miles and Miles (Prowler) both seem to be crushing on the same girl at their new school, just a matter of them before one of them admits it. May the best man win

➥ a/n: so i decided on a storyline where they both grew up as twins, no spiderman or prowler but as to not confuse us all earth 42 miles will be nicknamed prowler, another thing fanart isn’t mine it was simply found on Pinterest and google

➥ 1610! Miles (RJ) x Reader x 42! Miles (The Prowler)

Rio Morales watched her twin boys, Miles and Miles, grip each other's shoulders tightly with anticipation as they stood outside their new school. It was a crisp autumn morning, and the leaves danced playfully in the breeze, mirroring the excitement that fluttered in Rio's heart. The decision to move them to a new school had been tough, but after the fight that broke out at their old school, Rio believed it was necessary to give them a fresh start.

•••

"Alright, boys," Rio said, with a mix of determination and affection in her voice. "Remember why we're here. This is a chance for all of us to turn things around, to make new friends, and grow into better versions of ourselves."

Miles, wearing a red hoodie and sporting a mischievous grin, fidgeted restlessly. He was the meticulous one, always wanting to explore every nook and cranny he stumbled upon. His friends called him the "Prowler" due to his natural curiosity and resourcefulness.

"Mama, trust me," he chimed in. "No more fights. The Prowler always has a plan."

Rio looked into Miles' expressive eyes, recognizing the genuine excitement and innocence that radiated from within him. But she also saw the darkness that lay dormant, the potential for trouble that he carried, as often seen in the consequences of his actions.

"Miles, my love," Rio began, her voice filled with equal parts love and worry, "your curiosity is a gift, but you have to learn to channel it in the right direction. There's no doubt you can do great things, but it's important you steer clear of any more trouble."

Miles nodded sheepishly, understanding his mother's concerns. He had a naivete about him that matched his mischievous nature. He longed for adventure, but deep down, he understood the importance of his mother's guidance.

Miles, his green hoodie a stark contrast to his brother's, stepped forward and slipped his arm around Rio's waist lovingly. With a confident smile, he told her, "Don't worry, Mama. We'll be good. No more fights, I promise."

Rio smiled back, acknowledging that Miles always had a way of soothing her fears with his undeniable charisma. Known as "RJ" to his friends, he had a magnetic personality, effortlessly drawing people in with his charm and laid-back attitude.

With resolve in her eyes, Rio led her twin sons through the school gate, determined to give them the fresh start they deserved. The trio embarked on a journey into the unknown, hoping to forge new friendships and redefine their identities along the way.

Little did they know, this new school would provide them with countless opportunities, both joyous and challenging. In this unfamiliar world, they would uncover hidden talents, face unexpected dangers, and learn what it means to be true to themselves while navigating the trials and triumphs of high school.

•••

The hallways buzzed with excitement as the rumors about the enigmatic prowler named Miles circulated like wildfire. Whispers filled the air as students gossiped about the alleged incidents involving broken arms and daring escapes. Among the crowd stood two very different Miles - the reclusive prowler and the more timid and anxious RJ.

As the whispers grew louder, RJ's anxiety intensified, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt trapped, suffocated by the rumors that threatened to swallow him whole. His breaths came faster, and he struggled to maintain his composure.

Seeing the new kid on the brink of a panic attack, a young woman named (Y/N) who was a confident and fiercely protective classmate of all newcomers, stepped in. She wore her Hokage cloak, a symbol of strength and leadership, as she positioned herself between Miles - RJ, and the encroaching crowd.

"Back up, everyone!" (Y/N)’s voice commanded authority. "Give him some space and stop pestering him with these rumors."

Her declaration didn’t come as a shock to the onlookers seeing as how this was normal, and only some hesitated for a moment before backing away, allowing RJ a small reprieve from the overwhelming attention.

"Hey new kid, are you okay?" (Y/N) asked, her eyes filled with genuine concern.

Miles - RJ, managed a weak nod, grateful for her intervention. "Yeah, just... it's all too much."

(Y/N) put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know it's tough, always is for you new comers but don’t let the stupid need to gossip about some stupid rumors define you. You're more than what people say."

Miles - the prowler, observing the situation from a distance, couldn't help but feel a mix of admiration and curiosity towards (Y/N). Her support and willingness to protect his twin Miles - RJ, struck a chord within him. Despite his secretive nature, he couldn't help but feel a connection with this girl who wasn't afraid to stand up for what she believed in.

The hallway started to clear as the bell rang, signaling the start of the next class. (Y/N) removed her Hokage cloak and handed it to Miles - RJ, giving him a gentle smile.

"Keep this for now," she said. "It'll remind you that you have friends who stand by you."

Miles - the prowler, couldn't shake the image of the girl from his mind. He knew he had to talk to his twin, RJ, about her. Approaching Miles - RJ after school, he found him sitting on a bench, lost in his thoughts.

“Yo,” Miles said, taking a seat next to him. "I saw you with some girl in the hallways. Care to explain?"

Miles - RJ's face flushed slightly, but he knew he could trust his twin. "Yeah, she helped me when I was almost having a panic attack. She stood up for me when everyone was bombarding me with questions about you and the rumors."

Miles raised an eyebrow. "She seems a little too invested in our affairs, don't you think? We can't trust anyone easily, especially not someone who shows up out of nowhere."

Miles - RJ nodded, understanding his twin's caution. "I get it, but she seemed genuinely concerned. She's different. I've never met anyone like her."

Miles, the prowler, sighed, torn between wanting to protect his twin and wanting him to experience genuine friendship. "I know you're craving connection, RJ, but be careful. People have hurt us before, and we can't afford to let our guard down."

"I won't be naive, Miles," RJ assured him. "But she's different from those who've hurt us. I know she can be a true friend."

The prowler studied his twin's eyes, searching for any signs of deception. Seeing only sincerity, he relented. "Alright, but stay cautious. I'll keep an eye on her too."

As the days passed, Miles - RJ and (Y/N) grew closer. She welcomed him into her circle of friends, and he began to experience a sense of belonging he had never felt before. They laughed together, shared stories, and supported each other through thick and thin.

Miles, the prowler, watched from a distance, his protective instincts on high alert. He saw how much Miles - RJ was opening up to (Y/N), and a part of him was happy for his twin, but another part couldn't help but worry. The past had taught him to trust no one and to protect RJ at all costs.

One evening, he decided to approach (Y/N) cautiously. "I've been watching you and my twin," he said. "I know you've been helping him, but don't think I'll let my guard down just because he likes you. If you hurt him, I won't hesitate to protect him."

“Damn…he wasn’t kidding. Y’all look exactly alike.” (Y/N) says and Miles raised a brow at her.

(Y/N) changed her expression from one of bewildered and met his gaze with determination. "I wouldn’t hurt him intentionally. I care about him, Miles 2.0.”

“Miles 2.0?” Miles - the prowler questioned.

“Well yeah, cause well he’s the first miles I’ve met and you’re, you know…”

Miles - the prowler, studied her carefully, searching for any signs of deception. But all he saw was sincerity.

"I'll be watching," he warned before disappearing into the shadows.

•••

A few weeks later, Miles - RJ mustered up the courage to invite (Y/N) over to his place to play video games. As the day arrived, he nervously waited for her at the door, trying to ignore the creeping thoughts of doubt seeded by Miles, the prowler's, constant warnings.

When (Y/N) arrived, she had a bright smile on her face and greeted RJ with enthusiasm. "Hey, RJ! I'm so ready to kick your ass!”

“Sup miles 2.0!”

Miles - RJ's heart fluttered with happiness as he led her inside, introducing her to Miles - the prowler, who was sitting on the couch, looking aloof and distant. He eyed her cautiously but nodded in greeting at her nonetheless. "Hope you can handle our intense gaming skills."

(Y/N) chuckled, undeterred by his dismissive demeanor. "Oh, I'm sure I can handle it. I'm not one to back down from a challenge."

As they settled in for some gaming, Miles - the prowler, couldn't help but taunt (Y/N) throughout the play, trying to unnerve her. But to his surprise, she responded with playful banter and didn't let his jabs get under her skin.

"You’re actually decent at this," Miles - the prowler, said, genuinely impressed not that he would show it.

(Y/N) grinned. "Told you I wouldn't go down without a fight. Bring it on!"

As the gaming session continued, Miles - RJ noticed a subtle change in his twin's demeanor. Miles - the prowler, seemed less guarded and a bit more at ease, thanks to (Y/N)’s carefree and friendly approach. They laughed, teased each other, and the competitive spirit in the room was infectious.

The boys mom, Rio, couldn't help but peek into the living room, where her two boys were engaged in laughter and fun. A warm smile spread across her face, relieved to see her boys making a new friend.

As the evening went on, Miles - the prowler, gradually let down his defenses, realizing that (Y/N) was genuinely a good person who meant no harm. He was confused by his own emotions and the newfound camaraderie they were sharing. It was a mix of vulnerability and comfort that he hadn't felt in a long time.

As the night came to an end, (Y/N) got up to leave, exchanging a hug with the RJ and a fist bump with his brother.

"Thanks for inviting me over, RJ. I had a blast," (Y/N) said warmly.

“No problem!” Miles - RJ says.

“And good play with you Miles 2.0. I had fun.”

"Yeah, it was... fun," Miles, the prowler, admitted, trying to hide his genuine happiness.

"See you guys at school tomorrow!" Y/N called as she headed out the door.

As RJ closed the door, he turned to his twin with a raised eyebrow. "So, what did you think?"

Miles - the prowler, hesitated for a moment before cracking a small smile. "She's something else, that's for sure. I don't know what to make of it, but... I don't hate it."

RJ laughed, pleased to see his twin warming up to (Y/N). She's amazing, isn't she? I'm glad we made a friend like her."

"Yeah, me too," Miles, the prowler, admitted, surprising even himself with his honesty.

•••

A month had passed since (Y/N) became an integral part of their lives, and both the boys found themselves experiencing an unexpected but undeniable crush on her. Each twin had their own little moments with her that left them captivated.

Miles - the prowler, couldn't help but remember the time they were walking home together after a study session. (Y/N) had stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk, and he instinctively reached out to steady her. As their hands briefly touched, he felt a jolt of electricity, and his heart skipped a beat. He quickly pulled away, trying to hide his blush, but he couldn't forget how his heart had raced in that brief moment.

For Miles - RJ, it was the time they were at the local arcade, cheering each other on during a competitive game. (Y/N) had leaned in close, her laughter infectious and her eyes sparkling with excitement. In that moment, Miles felt an overwhelming warmth, as if he had found someone who truly understood him. Her support and genuine interest in his passions made him feel seen and valued in a way he had never experienced before.

Both twins found themselves looking forward to seeing (Y/N) at school every day, eager for the chance to talk and share moments with her. They noticed how her presence could brighten even the darkest days and how her playful banter with Miles - the prowler, left him confused but with a faint hint of a smile.

As they spent more time with her, they discovered shared interests and values that deepened their admiration for (Y/N). She was caring, compassionate, and fiercely loyal, always standing up for them and others when needed. The way she treated everyone with kindness, regardless of their reputation or background, earned her even more respect from the twins.

Miles - the prowler, found himself drawn to her strength and independence, a stark contrast to his own solitary nature. He admired the way she could hold her own and how she wasn't afraid to challenge him, refusing to back down from his teasing or sarcasm.

Miles - RJ, on the other hand, cherished her ability to make him feel at ease, like he could be himself without judgment or expectations. Her easygoing nature helped him open up, and he found himself sharing thoughts and feelings he had never shared with anyone else.

One day, while hanging out in the park, the twins decided to talk openly about their feelings for (Y/N). Sitting on a bench, they shared their different perspectives, realizing they both felt a deep connection with her that they couldn't ignore.

"I can't believe we both have a crush on her," RJ admitted with a blush.

"Yeah, it's... strange," his twin Miles said, trying to wrap his head around his own feelings. "But I can't deny that she's had an impact on both of us."

Miles - RJ nodded. "She makes us feel understood, you know? And she's just so caring and genuine."

Miles - the prowler, smirked. "Well, I hope you're not expecting me to back off. I don't give up that easily."

Miles - RJ chuckled. "I wouldn't expect anything less. But let's remember she's our friend first and foremost. We don't want to jeopardize that."

The twins agreed to keep their feelings in check and focus on cherishing the friendship they had with (Y/N). As they continued to spend time with her, they found comfort in knowing that they didn't have to face their feelings alone.

•••

After school, Miles - RJ and Miles - the prowler, found themselves unable to contain their feelings any longer. They knew they had to talk to (Y/N) about what they had been experiencing. With nervous excitement, they cornered her near the school's courtyard, determined to be honest and vulnerable.

"(Y/N),” Miles - RJ began, his voice slightly shaky. "We need to talk about something important."

(Y/N) turned to face them, her eyes curious. "Okay, what's up?"

Miles - the prowler, took a deep breath, his heart pounding in his chest. "We both... we both have feelings for you, (Y/N).”

Miles - RJ nodded, adding, "It's true. We didn't plan for this to happen, but we can't ignore how we feel about you."

(Y/N) blinked, seemingly taken aback by their confession. "Wait, you both have feelings for me?"

"Yeah," Miles - the prowler, confirmed, his voice earnest. "It's confusing and unexpected, but we can't change how we feel."

(Y/N)’s lips curled into a small smile. "Damn, well, I can't help but admit that I have feelings for you both too..."

“Both of us or…”

The twins looked at each other in shock, their hearts racing. It was a revelation they hadn't anticipated, and the rush of emotions was overwhelming.

Before they could say anything else, the school bell rang, signaling the end of the day. (Y/N) glanced at them, her expression a mix of emotions.

"I’ll leave a note in your locker after school" she said, stepping back.

“Wait which one of us?!” Miles - the prowler asked.

“You’ll see…”

Torn between anticipation and uncertainty, Miles -RJ and Miles - the prowler, spent the evening restless, eager to meet (Y/N) the next day and finally find out what the future held for them.

The night passed in a blur, and the next day arrived faster than they expected. When Miles finally reunited with (Y/N), the atmosphere was charged with tension and excitement.

"So," Y/N said, breaking the silence. "Seems you got my letter.”

“Yeah I did.”

Miles - RJ ending …

Miles - the prowler ending …

Both Miles ending …

(Haven’t written the endings yet but when I do I’ll have them tagged and listed)

[shepscapades]

*rotates dbhc!Xisuma and Doc in my head*

I'm sorry but I absolutely lose my mind over them ( I have literally no one who I could ramble about this to and I need to get it out). I want to analyse stuff, so let me just:

*breathes in*

It's visible that they are good friends and have been since the time when Doc deviated, research partners doing... research? Or whatever researchers do *shrugs*.

But there's one thing to it, X created Doc and most of other androids. He understands what is deviation because Doc explained it to him but his friend is still an android after all. We also know that X always calls Doc "Docm" but in previous comic he calls him "Doc" and it is stated that it's the first time he ever called him that. In which moment he calls him that? In the moment when he realises that Doc is more human than android now, I may be delusional about this all but I just feel like: the moment when he sees Etho overpower Doc, shove him and break him and stuff, Xisuma sees that Doc isn't a fearless machine but a someone, a human, he got overpowered by Etho and suffered consequences, he felt fear like a human not a machine. Also he lost his arm because he was trying to stop Etho from hurting X as we see in the second part of the comic, which only adds to that. So, this is the moment where X fully realises that he means something to Doc, not as a creator, but as a friend, and that's why for the rest of the comic he constantly makes sure if his partner is alright by talking to him, glancing at him. You know stuff. He grew closer and closer to Doc as time passed and I think this was the climax - the moment he called Docm77 "Doc".

While Doc is doing the most stoic stuff ever and trying not to self destruct and stuff, he cares about X too, very much even, he's protective towards him and shows it by jumping into danger he could have avoided [ Etho attacked X because he's an admin and probably knows where's Grian - Etho wants to hunt down this pesky bird for killing Bdubs] just so his partner won't get hurt how sweet <3 RIP arm you will be remembered...

Anyways I feel like they should talk about stuff and maybe cuddle and maybe I don't know LIVE?? NOT DIE??

Yeah, I think that I don't even need to explain for how long they've been spinning in my head.

Also wanted to thank you so much for so many kind words on my fanart !! I'm glad I can make someone happy with my cheap, old drawing tablet and some self taught skills lol sorry for flooding your ask-box again so so sorry but those comics make me go AWOOGA holy shift, and also DOC AND X CONTENT !! They are so underrated that you almost can't find anything good relating to them as a duo! [personally I think they're great, just two dudes that do things together and care for eachother <3]

So, yep. Prepare yourself for things like that after every new part comes out I WILL make memes and I WILL analyse block men.... sorry not sorry :)

[how to get me into an AU- tutorial: Xisumavoid must be in it- the end]

WE ARE ROTATING THEM. WE ARE WATCHING THEM ROTATE!!!!! you freaking GET me

(THERE ARE SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS HAPPENING HERE!!!! None of which I’ll confirm but Eye Emoji :3 I love love love these theories they make me so happy ehehehehehe)

(ALSO YOU’RE SO WELCOME!!! That art made my day fr LMAO I love and appreciate it so much!!! <3)

[stardust-does-things]

QSMP

I'm so upset that none of my friends are into the qsmp. Like, what do you mean you don't care about gay minecraft roleplay???? How could you not be completely invested in a 36 year old man's fake platonic husband and their two egg children in a minecraft server??

The worst part is they won't even let me mention them. I can't make any damn references to anyone without getting confused glares. Like, sorry you refuse to watch every vod from every creator on the server and don't understand the lore.

It's so cool because of the amount of people on the server, like there are SO many perspectives to see things from and so many different story lines to get invested in. Personally, my favorite storyline was Ph1lzA and the Enderking thing. I've always loved the concept of a character being corrupted or possessed and forcing them to hurt their loved ones(don't question me). Tallulah and Chayanne's admins did SO good. So did Phil, he sounded like a whole different person. And Phil was the best person to do this to. He's practically everyone's dad on the server, so seeing such a caring and fun guy to get aggressive and threaten his own children was scary and a great arc for him to experience.

I also absolutely LOVE the ships. Like you can't TELL me that you don't absolutely love Roier and Cellbit's relationship. Pac and Fit? OH MY GOOOOOD. I love the fanart and fanfics of them 😭 (I ship the characters in the actual server, not the content creators). I love Deathduo. Missa x Ph1lzA forever. They make such a good duo with how they interact around each other and the eggs. Roier and Cellbit have such a cute dynamic, I loved that one time Cellbit was running away and trying to blow himself up, and Roier went, "No, you can't kill yourself! You're too sexy!" They are so silly together, and I just think they're so cute.

Also the fandom is absolutely beautiful. I love all the fanart and memes, the fanfics and animatics. OH MY GODS. I really wish I had the confidence to make fanart or fanfics, I'm too nervous that I'll get info wrong or have a bad headcannon lol. I adore looking at the way people draw the eggs. My favorite designs are when they're bipedal dragons or like they're half hatched and their legs are sticking out of the shell 😭 its so cute!!! I still don't mind when they're just drawn like kids but with dragon features.

I loved Tallulah and her story, including Wilbur. I don't like Wilbur for what he did (even if it might be fake I genuinely don't know anymore) but I like him as a character in the qsmp. I love all the clips of Wilbur and Tallulah. Like when Lullah brought a gorilla into the garden and she was just so happy but Wilbur was absolutely terrified was so funny. The way he basically gentle parented her was adorable, like he didn't know how to raise a kid and just wanted her to be happy. (Wilbur is a horrible person, if the allegations are true, and I don't support him. I just like his character in the story but still understand why some people wouldn't like his character)

The humor is probably the best part. There are so many quotable things. One thing that I specifically remember was when Phil went to wake up one of the eggs (when they were all in hospital beds or smt IDK-) with Pac and someone else, Phil got downed by a warden and Pac went up to him and said, "Philza. I am here." in an overly manly voice, or something like that. Also I love just randomly saying quotes and pretending like everyone understands and thinks I'm cool. "we are all going to die. the sun is a false god but a true threat." -Gegg "IN THIS WORLD THERE ARE 2 GENDERS, PAIN AND SUFFERING" -Dapper "Geez abuelito I didn't know you were into drama omg slay" -Tallulah "heaven is homophobic motherfucker son of a bitch" -Roier

Anyways, I need more QSMP obsessed friends to talk to <3

(part 2 coming soon <3)

[duckarchives]

Does Ghost have a wife?

Look, I really don't care about shipps, ship whatever you want, be it canon x canon or oc x canon, I'm just here to explain some misinformation that is being used to attack ghost x soap and some ocs.

First of all, it's important to understand that these women they call Ghost's wives came from the comics, even though Ghost's comic is iconic, they were never considered canon by the writers, just fanservice.

Now about this Ghost comic, due to a translation error and misinterpretation, some people say that Ghost's sister-in-law is his wife. I don't think he would be so bad as to flirt with his own brother's wife, especially since he did everything he could to make his brother quit drugs and have a happy family.

(I couldn't find pictures of her, but her name is Beth Riley.)

The second character is Mara, both are just friends and this is clear in several moments.

“But Ghost was sad when she got hurt.” Yes, that’s something he would feel for anyone he considers a close friend. Honestly, calling Mara Ghost’s wife sounds like that “opposite-sex friends don’t exist” nonsense and it even diminishes her to just his wife, not the soldier she is.

(Mara in mw1 reboot and her in warzone comics.)

Now the last one is Urban Tracker, she was supposed to be the cute poster girl who would attract more audience like Seraphine in lol or dva in overwatch, but that didn’t work and she ended up being discarded. She started being called Ghost’s wife because of a photo of her being carried by him, but in fact that’s a montage because in the original photo it’s another soldier.

In reality the explanation for this is quite simple, Ghost is a famous character, so why not use him to give fame to the copy of Seraphine? But the truth is that they never had any kind of relationship and she was completely erased when she was discarded, so canonically Ghost doesn’t even know/remember who she is.

“But there are some of their art pieces that were posted on the official cod Twitter profile and some people who work with cod liked their fanarts.”

In fact, those pieces were reposts of fanarts, just another attempt by them to make her famous. In fact, if we take the fanart likes into account, then logically Ghost x Jade (Sleepypotato OC) and Ghost x Soap would be canons.

(Her default skin)

I didn't come here to fight over ships or anything like that, I created this account to talk about lore, ask questions and debunk misinformation about cod. Now, if you fight over ships or attack people for that reason, find something to do, getting off the internet sometimes is good.

[ghostedgrim]

Fandom Etiquette

It has come to my attention that today's fandoms just keep turning toxic, getting created and ruined within a week, and the etiquette we used to follow like law is vanishing. More and more people, especially minors, are joining fandoms, and they don't know the etiquette or unofficial rules that we once went by.

These "rules" are merely what I have observed through the years.

1) Understand what a fandom is- A fandom is a SAFE SPACE where people can talk about a show/movie/game/book + characters within it that they like. It is a space where people can be free to make headcannons, self-inserts, ocs, memes, shit posts, create and share theories, create fanart and fanfics.

2)Respect - If you don't want something happening to you, then don't do it to others. More directly: don't hate on other people for their preferences of reading, writing, and characters they like. So if someone likes character A because of __ but you like character B, that doesn't give you the right of hating on the other person fit liking character A. If a person sets a boundary: "I won't write _ _ and _," then don't push them to write it.

✨️Jingle Jingle ✨️sparkles✨️lemme keep your attention✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

3) Creators of a fandom (people who created the characters, movie, book etc that you like).- If they request something, respect it. "Please don't sexulize this character" so don't sexualize them. Do not force a creator into a fandom, don't be sending them fanart, graphic contents, threats to get a specific ship you want, etc. They are a person, treat them like one, if they want to be in the fandom and interact with it they will do it in their own time, don't force them.

4) 18+ spaces! 🔞- Now minors, I NEED you to understand this part. A person with 18+, 🔞 or MDNI (minors do not interact), don't interact ESSPECALLY if it's a group chat, discord, and/or rolepay. I emphasize this FOR YOUR SAFETY! As a minor, you can easily get groomed, no matter how safe it seems adult predators are there and will make you feel like they are the safest person to be around before they attack (I did an essay on this just a few months ago, trust me it's bad). Some people make an 18+ space because they fear a they cannot prevent a predator from going after minors who enter that space (predators will often be your friend before they attacked via grooming).

5) 18+ pt2- Many people create an 18+ space so they can talk about more adult related topics, or simply because they find it easier to talk to people their age when speaking about fandom related topics. Also it's weird being like 20 and agreeing with a 12 y/o that a character is hot, it's extremely uncomfortable for us adults when we realize we're having that conversation with a kid.

⚠️NEVER PRETEND TO BE 18+ IF YOU'RE UNDER 18 BECAUSE THEN THE ADULT YOU'RE TALKING TO WILL NOT REALIZE YOU'RE A MINOR, YALL TALK ABOUT ADULT CONTENT, MOM/DAD CATCHES YOU AND THEN THE INNOCENT ADULT GOES TO JAIL AND/OR BECOMES A REGISTERED CHILD PREDATOR!!⚠️

6) MDNI and 18+ tags!- These are warnings that a topic in a post is NOT CHILD FRIENDLY!! Also us adults can get in trouble if a child interacts with our 18+ content- a parent could see, report us, get us banned and possibly worse scenarios depending on the situation. Also adults don't want children reading 🌽, graphic violence etc.

✨️✨️💥✨️✨️stay with me now✨️✨️💥✨️✨️

7) Shit posts💕- I have not seen them in ages and I miss them. A shit post is just a funny, likely cringey thing you make at like 3am. They're funny, stupid, meant to make everyone laugh and cringe, they're not meant to be pretty. It can be headcannons like "Thrawn from star wars sucks at painting that's why he only admires art!!" Or self insert x character doing something stupid. Crack fics are some of the funniest things because you can read it and wonder if the person who made it was high in that moment. They're like memes.

8) Self Insert OCs- Idc if you hate them because guess what, a person has a right to create them, Hell a person has every right to make a fanfic with them. Yes, you're allowed to feel distaste when you see them, but don't give hate, it's stupid to hate on something so harmless. I got maladaptive daydreaming, and while it may be boring in a fanfic, I find may daydreams much more entertaining when I have powers and a backstory that's fictional.

9) Warnings- Put warnings on your post if it contains; violence, sa, abuse, sh, sickness, vomiting, and any other possibily triggering thing even I'd it seems stupid put the warning there please ✨️

10) Pro-shipping- If you do this you're not welcome, and leave the fandom. For those who don't know, these people support minor x adult ships, incest ships, dad/mother x their child ship, abuser x victim ships and likely sa ships too. There is no excuse, if you support them, make art, fanfics, headcannons, get out and leave the fandom. If you're so desperate for it then go make a bot for it on character ai. 👋 bye

10.5) If you make headcannons or stories romanticizing a character 🍇ing, and or sa and or abusing y/n, or another character you ship them with (especially if it's a minor x adult 🤢), get tf out. If you romanticize yourself sa, 🍇ing and/or abusing a character (especially if it's a minor) get tf out. LEAVE THE FANDOM

✨️Almost done, just a little further my friends✨️💕

11) Help support the people writing fanfics, writing isn't always easy, so leave the author a comment or preferably reblog it, it helps motivate them to write and keeps the fandom alive

12) Don't be toxic, it kills a fandom. Unless a person's opinions or creations are harmful just leave them alone if you don't like it.

13) Don't glorify Ai art, all the faces and smiles look identical babe, go for art created by a person. 100%

14) Don't whitewash

15) be inclusive

✨️ If you wanna read a story with multiple chapters you can find them on whattpad and Ao3. Ao3 is better at filtering out unwanted content and finding certain content you want. Tumblr fanfics are mostly oneshots, but multiple chapter stories do exist.✨️

16) Give support to authors writing multiple chapter stories bc those are hard af to make! Support via: Tumbler: reblog and comment. Ao3: kudos and comment. Whattpad: comment, and vote for it.

17) SUPPORT FANART ARTISTS! With Ai their motivation to create has weakened. Fancfictions and fanart are both vital in keeping fandoms alive, and artists are do much better at art than Ai. And we love the little comics the artists make, so give em some love

18) Cosplay- we all have to start somewhere and cosplay is expensive af. So support rather than critisize, and provide tips to help them (where to find affordable good materials, how to sew, good glues etc)

19) Writing is hard, some people like me are dyslexic and not everyone has English as their native language, ontop of that with grammarly (Ai based autocorrect) it's harder to notice mistakes and the autocorrect will also make incorrect corrections.

You made it!!!! I'm proud!!! Feel free to reblog, comment, and even copy then repost to spread the word, feel free to add, and summarize. People can't magically learn fandom etiquette, we have to teach them. Especially the minors

Now go be the weird nerds we all are 👋

[mubabee]

i don't do character x character ships either (avid selfshipper here) and OH. MY. GOD. the breath of relief when i read your post. i thought i was probably the only person on the planet who doesn’t want to see that on my dash.

also, if you didn’t know, you can go to tumblr settings and filter the name of the ship so whatever post that's tagged with it will be hidden from you.

i hope you don’t mind if i rant a wee bit ^^; otherwise, feel free to ignore this.

relating to my statement of enjoying self ships, there are two main reasons why this annoys me to no end: the first one is personal and you may call me petty, but i often get jealous seeing my faves blow up in another ship, but i can't control how i feel sometimes. that being said, i've always kept this to myself, and instead just try my best to not interact with content like that, but sometimes stuff happens, like people not tagging the post properly or they use another name for the ship that i haven’t filtered.

the second is when one or both characters in the ship are reduced to just. being the other's partner and nothing more?? or when i can't seem to talk about just one of them without someone bringing up the other one. there have been some cases where i legit end up hating both characters because of this—say one of them is my favourite but in almost every corner of the fandom someone will always have to make it about the pairing rather than the individual themselves and. and. sighs.

...let's just say some of my faves have become a topic i never want to bring up in a conversation.

I understanddddddd

That is personal and I understand why you could feel a lil jealous. All I can say is try not to think about it much because, respectfully, these men and women aren’t real. I personally don’t care much cuz it’s just art and fiction at the end of the day, but why is there so much on my page when I keep pressing not interested? Like the art I see is absolutely amazing so I screenshot it and get rid of it after.

But then it comes BACK like miss girly why are u still here

You’re so right on the last one but I can’t say that cuz it’s a lil hypocritical of me lmao. If I find some fictional character attractive, best believe x reader sht is gonna be my main thought involving them. That’s why I draw (y/n) with everything, cuz i’m not here to just draw fanart. 🤣🤣

ahhhh please don’t let a fandom ruin a character for you! Headcanons and ships end up not being canon most of the time, so try to ignore it if you don’t like it. And I’d also suggest taking a break from whatever makes you feel that way.

also ty for telling me of that feature, I didn’t know Tumblr had that woohoo

[eveledoze]

Which tadc ship do you like more? Funnybunny or Showtime?

oh well long-post comes-

okay i did a little searching, since i often don't understand such ship names. if google doesn't lie to me, then the first one is Pomni/Jax, and the second is Pomni/Caine.

damn, I thought funnybunny was the name for Ragatha/Jax 💔💔

i don't ship Pomni/Jax but i find the pairing cute. i don't sense any special dynamic between them, Jax just makes fun of her the same way he makes fun of everyone else because he's a jerk (i say this lovingly). when i discovered that this pairing was the most popular in the fandom, i didn’t really understand why, since i wouldn’t say that there was anything particularly interesting going on between these two. I think the dynamics between Jax and Ragatha were more distinct, which I immediately noticed, they had tension and i really liked it x) but then, after thinking about it a little, i realized why Pomni/Jax is the most popular ship (I guess?? it's just my supposition) — people combined two of the most main characters, one of whom is a badass-tumblr-sexyman, and the second is an angsty ordinary person with whom people could identify themselves. anyway i just find it funny that so many people like this ship. i saved fanarts of these two a couple of times because i thought they were cute. to be honest, kitsch's (@ bunnyjesters/ nuzipilled) works probably influenced my opinion about this ship the most. arts with Pomni and Jax from kitsch is probably my favorite among all the other fanarts for this couple, i think that he well preserves their canon behavior and characters despite the fact that the pairing itself in the cartoon is non-canon, and their interactions in his art feel quite realistic for me! i love how kitsch draws them and how he uses gestures and body language to show their emotions, it's very, very cute. so yeah, i don't ship them, but i do find some of the fanart of them cute. i drew this a while ago, so have this if it will make you happy 🌸

now Kaine/Pomni...ahmmm, to be honest, i was even more surprised that this is probably the second most popular pairing in the fandom? :D apparently it really comes across often and haha, i don’t understand it... i’ve never been interested in the dynamics of student/teacher or employee/boss, in my understanding there can be no romance in their relationship, maximum platonic, family relationships, understanding each other. Kaine is very quirky and doesn't seem like he's interested in romance (i generally like Kaine/Moon, but i really think Kaine is just confused by Moon's behavior since he's not interested in her romantically x)). it's more like he treats all the guys in circus like friends, colleagues or something like that. so yeah, it's weird for me to see romantic stuff with Pomni/Caine, but like the first one, occasionally i might come across fanart with them that i think is cute. once I saw a mini-comic (don't remember the author) dedicated to that circus teaser, in the comic Caine suddenly appeared in Pomni's room. Pomni, out of fear, hits him sharply, after which he got upset and she began to apologize <з

if we talk about my fav ship, i love Ragatha/Jax! i don't remember this "name" for the pairing, but yes, that's them. dynamics like theirs are my favorite dynamic in couples, i just love it when characters can't stand each other lol. i love the tension between them and i'm afraid i paid too much attention to it while watching the pilot... oh my god, a moron, who pisses everyone off, with a good-natured girl, who wants to help everyone, but she has to deal with this asshole. i guess it's the "from hate to love" trope, right? i like that the first thing that manifests itself in such couples is negativity, they just piss each other off and cannot calm down. but after a while the annoying cools down and they begin to open up to each other. ofc i don't know Gooseworks’ plans, but you guys probably thought that Jax is actually not such a jerk as he shows himself to be, and in fact he is a deeper character, with his own traumas and trials? let's not turn this into a tragic sob story, but nevertheless, Gooseworks said "every tadc character has a reason why they behave the way they do" and i believe that we will be revealed that. it seems to me that to some extent Jax and Ragatha can complement each other. Like, you know, it’s like N helps Uzi cool down and be calm, and Uzi helps N to be confident and defend his positions. maybe Jax can show Ragata that her toxic positivity is not the best option and sometimes you need to be tough, and Ragatha can help him open up, share his problems and well...to be less jerk-like. and yes, of course i can't get it out of my head that Jax called her "dollface" while he gave the others rude nicknames haha

also i like Ragatha/Pomni, i probably don’t pay much attention to them, but they're good. there are cute interactions between them and it seems that Ragatha was better than the others in being able to approach her and become somewhat of a friend. Ragatha has this energy of a caring mother or something, so her desire to help Pomni get comfortable in the circus and direct her to positive thoughts is cute. at the same time, Pomni looks extremely confused, but Ragatha is the one she turns to because she seems the most adequate and friendly of the others. i liked to draw how they hug, but in i think that most likely Ragatha would not have allowed herself to hug someone without asking, at least she would have asked permission x) however, it seems to me that physical contact and kind words are Ragatha's way of support, so simply holding hands with her would calm Pomni down

also i like Pomni/Gangle and Gangle/Kinger and i don'tind other ships as well !!

[sillysillyprice]

Oh poor salt but well it is fault if he had talk and aloof that then maybe just maybe like man being a simp is good but express yourself is better ! Like dammit! Oh but we'll whatever poor him I understand him I too had a crush on someone before but we'll never confess and after we got separate and he lately came back to my school but we'll now I don't feel anything and well.....I'm getting a bit work up......but tell silent salt that in another universe (my au) hil and his angel are happy together and even two kids......but I don't have name for them one is born before corruption and the other after corruption but yeah good luck with your au and I'll do my best to stay informed oh and by the way can you explain more about the beast while corruption things? Please oh and a little bonus this is a picture I got in X

I'm sorry to hear that, it must have been sad at the time, but at least it's in the past now and you can move on, that's a good thing! Staying in the past is not good

Salt is a serious, quiet and completely mature knight, but if he knew that he would jump with excitement to at least be able to be with his angel in another universe!

things about beasts during corruption... let's see

— Shadow Milk

— He is the culprit of everything that happened, but why did he do it? Why cause so much chaos and destruction? ... because he was bored and wanted to screw the witches

— He hates everyone without exceptions! Well, if there is one exception, it's a cursor-shaped cookie that he sympathizes with hehe

— When he was Light Milk he wrote an entire library (and more), but Shadow Milk is a fool! He can't even read! His brain was melted and now he has mush in his head

───────────────

— Mystic Flour:

— She was the third to fall against Shadow Milk

— The veil (hood or whatever it's called, I don't know about clothes) makes her look like she's in mourning despite wearing white because, She is indeed in mourning, unable to overcome the death, through her own fault, of all those she loved, friends, and her own son

— And speaking of her son, Leftover Flour, he didn't show up because she had a partner or had a crazy night, but it was a gift from the witches so that she could learn what empathy was

───────────────

— Eternal Sugar:

— the second to fall under the control of Shadow Milk

— Since the corruption began she was not well, her ideas became more and more irrational, until they sealed her, And if absolute solitude in imprisonment ended up blowing her fuses and removing the screws she had left, she is literally crazy

— she ate the cookie dough on the grounds that they wouldn't find them, But it was useless! Everyone knew there were cookies dying

───────────────

— Burning Spice:

— The last to fall was the one who resisted the most but in the end he could not avoid being controlled

— And it's not just a saying, he was literally controlled, he became another puppet of Shadow Milk for a while

— When it was finally sealed, he says he was able to feel relieved, at least in part

───────────────

— Silent Salt:

— The first to give in, he didn't even put up any resistance

— he doesn't like killing in the slightest, he only did it to please Shadow Milk

— decided to change his name because "Service" even sounded like a bad joke

───────────────

By the way, the fanart is very nice! The artist who made it is definitely talented

[zeroducks-2]

2/16/20/22/25 violence ask game GO

Help I realized now how many are there lmfao alright here we go

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Actually I don't really have it? I mean I do have a preference when it comes to blorbo roles in bed but it's not that strict. I don't think Dick would ever top WITH SLADE though, and my compelling argument is that he prefers bottoming and Slade wouldn't fucking let him top lmao

But then again this IS the choose violence ask game, so I am gonna choose violence:

I'm fed the fuck up with the whole "if you have strict sex roles for your blorbos you are a reactionary fascist enforcer of gender stereotypes whatever, or anyway the heteronormative society brainwashed you, especially if the 'shorter man bottoms' and the 'bigger man tops'". Like shut the trap man. First of all cause my sexual preferences are not up for political scrutiny because they are just that - sexual preferences when it comes to fiction - and second because this is the exact kind of piece of shit virtue signaling antis do, injecting moral and political bullshit in what people do for harmless fun in their free time. And third because acting like in real life people didn't have strict preferences for topping or bottoming makes me think you never interacted with real life people.

Like yeah lots of folks are versatile in bed. There are also lots of folks who are strictly tops, and lots of folks who are strictly bottoms. Go out and talk to people, you will find out incredible things I promise.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

The whole "batfamily" being a happy wholesome family with all of them being supportive loving siblings UwU and living all together in Wayne Manor each one with their cute little personalized room that Alfred cleans every morning after breakfast. These folks do not communicate with each other and have never lived together. They lack the basics foundation to be a big happy family. Yes they love each other, yes some of them are closer to each other than others, and yes there are moments of tenderness, but why the hell would anyone push this Hamtaro-esque "everyone lives in a wholesome house of happiness🌻✨" bs is completely beyond me.

It makes no sense and it's just so utterly divorced from the actual state of canon, and from just everything that defines these characters as individuals and as a group.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

Well the DC canon is so vast there's actually lots of canon I found boring. I guess when it comes to blorbos, I was not able to stomach the entirety of the Ric Grayson storyline. Like honestly it was most of all boring as fuck.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

EOBARD BEING IN LOVE WITH BARRY.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"You guys don't write about/draw/create meta about female characters because you're sexist"

I've explained why this is utter bullshit many times but to be honest, with DC it is especially annoying. There is a HUGE fandom for female DC characters, even for those that have not appeared officially in comics for more than a decade. DC has some of the most beloved, celebrated (and famous!) female characters IN THE WORLD (Batgirl, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Harley Quinn), and if there aren't decent titles dedicated to them you need to blame DC, not the fans. Also sometimes there are decent titles with their fanbase of art and fanfics and metas, and yall complaining just because you're addicted to virtue signaling.

"Ah but Zero! I like X female character that appeared a total of 10 times 25 years ago, and all I can find are Jason Todd fanarts!" Let me stop you right there my friend, and ask you whose fault is it that X female character hasn't appeared in 25 years, which means no one fucking knows who she is so they don't draw fanarts and write fanfictions. DC comics executives, or the fandom? You think I'm happy that post reboot they acted like Cassandra and Stephanie didn't even exist? You think I'm happy that Barbara's struggle and journey to learn to live with her disability and become the backbone of the superhero society was thrown in the trash? You think I'm happy that Pat Trayce is relegated to ONE ridiculous cameo in Deathstroke 2016? Or that no one has seen Jenni Ognats since the fucking 90s? IS ALL OF THIS THE FANDOM'S FAULT, OR DCs' ??? (I'm done)

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PEOPLE WHO GO "bUt zErO iT'S miSogynisTiC to bReaK uP a HeT CaNoN shiP to pUSh tHe faNoN gAy cOUpLe" You don't belong in fandom and you clearly have no idea how it works. And if you DO know how it works, you're either a psyop or a hardcore homophobe, or both, and you don't belong in fandom and you should fuck off faster than light. (okay I am actually done now)

Ask game here!

[necrotic-nephilim]

about me

join the dead dove batfamily discord server!

hi, i'm luciferos. i'm 22, disabled, Deaf, queer, and a general menace. my pronouns are they/them. this is an 18+ batcest blog. i'm pro-fandom and pro-kink. I avidly support SALS, YKINMKATO, and DLDR. most of what i write is of the darkfic, dead dove variety. i'm a fan of the comics, mainly the pre-Flashpoint era of the Batfam. some of my favorite comics are: Red Robin (2009), Batman/Huntress: Cry For Blood, Birds of Prey (2010), Young Justice (1998), Huntress (1989), Sword of Azrael (2022), Grayson (2014), Robin War, and the Question (1986). i can be a comics purist, but i just tend to leave alone fandom content i dislike and i think everyone should have fun with their blorbos, whether they've read the comics or not.

my DMs are open for anyone who wants to chat, make friends, or just yell. my (mostly unused) main blog is @devilbonesofmetal, so that's where follows and likes come from. i don't do DNIs, your internet experience is your job to curate, so feel free to block me if you're uncomfortable with what i post. some important things to note are

my ask box is open for any headcanons, prompts, or questions you want to send my way! you can ask for comic recs or my opinions on canon, or whatever suits your fancy. however *please* understand there are usually at least 50 asks in my inbox and i don't answer them in order. if i haven't answered your ask yet, i will, i promise. it may take a while though. please don't resend it, we'll just both end up confused.

if you ever want to create a translation/podfic/fanart/etc or write something inspired by one of my fics or posts, you have complete permission to do so! just tag me bc i'd love to see it too!

a lot of content on this blog will be dark in nature. i try to tag and warn, but do treat this blog with a blanket Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings tag for your own safety if dark content may upset you.

as a comics purist, i tend not to like a lot of fanon tropes. if you send a prompt that uses a fanon-ish type of trope, i may take liberties with it to write it the way i prefer. that's never shade to fanon, it's just what makes me comfortable!

some of my favorite ships are: Tim/Jason, Tim/Dick, Tim/Damian, Dick/Bruce, Jason/Bruce, Ra's/Tim, Slade/Tim, Slade/Dick, Tim/Bruce, Jean-Paul/Tim, Cass/Tim, and Robin Pile.

and some of my favorite characters are: Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Cass Cain, Helena Bertinelli, Luke Fox, Jean-Paul Valley, Bette Kane, Kara Zor-L, Zinda Blake, and Slade Wilson.

i write fanfiction, but i write anonymously on ao3 (for reasons explained here) so if you'd like to see all my stuff, here's a link to my tumblr masterlist and here's a link to my ao3 series, both of which contain all the fics i've written. aside from the typical ship and character tags, my vague tagging system on this blog is:

necrotic festerings - any ship/fandom metas i've written

necrotic answerings - answering any asks

necrotic writings - my fics

necrotic works in progress - rambling about fics i'm working on

divine and necrotic - tag for my partner @divine-dominion and i being gay on main

necrotic apcryopha - tag for my other partner @eebuckley and i also being gay on main

necrotic nuisance - my shitposting/low effort/non-serious tag

and, just for fun, some of the more interesting metas i've written:

why DC x DP crossovers are so popular

why the Batfamily fandom doesn't interact with canon & related thoughts

JayTim in the New-52 Deep Dive

"why aren't ships involving the women in the Batfam considered Batcest?"

advice for getting into pre-Flashpoint comics

[rey-jake-therapist]

*sorry I think my ask cut off the first bit here so I'm sending it again (Haladriel reminds me of Darklina, in the sense that both characters are so loved by me individually and the dynamic is fascinating, but as an actual ship in fandom? I have to navigate through the misogynist takes that are reducing the female character to a trophy)

I saw this in the haladriel tag on x and I think I pinned down the reason why there are certain people who can't handle dark ships and won't stop invalidating them by screaming about abuse/misogyny. It's because in their minds, they take things very concretely, not being able to 'read between the lines', and thus it's hard for them to really think in abstract ways. They just can't divorce fictional characters from actual problems in society. Don't get me wrong, there is a parallel between them that exists as a fine line, and we should absolutely call some things out. But in the realm of fictional characters, shipping, and make believe? That's strictly a 'them/individual' problem, not an 'us' problem. There are SO many haladriel shippers. We get so many fanart by talented people, many of whom haven't even heard of Tolkien. Are they supporting misogyny or have they had to 'navigate thru misogynist takes' in order to draw two characters together because they like their dynamic? It's not our fault that these canon police antis can't separate fiction from reality, and see every aggression toward a female character (unless it's by another female character, or it's a m/m relationship) as misogyny, while ignoring actual inequality in societies around us, as well as ignoring the truth that men can also become victims of abuse/violence. It all goes back to the funny hypocrisy of touting a beloved female character with admirable traits like strong, fierce, powerful, but the instant a male character challenges her and shows any kind of aggression at her - because spoiler alert, he's a villain, it's literally how he was written - these canon police antis whine about misogyny instead of just saying they don't see what shippers see in a fictional pairing and leave it at that. Like, it's ok, you don't need a reason to not like a pairing. The funny thing is, for all their fascination on Galadriel and Sauron as individuals, they fail to comprehend Sauron's character beyond what is stated in black and white in front of them (going back to the concrete vs abstract thinking). I'm not even a huge fan of Charlie, and even I can understand the 'seeing Gal as a trophy' bit is just a very simplified jest at the comparison to Morgoth and the Silmarils. If they actually bothered to read more of his interviews, it's very clear he sees her as beyond just that. Oh, she's just another ring to him basically? Ok but then why do I keep hearing cosmic connection spoken by him anytime Galadriel is brought up in interviews? Cosmic connection flew over this person's head like a frisbee.

I hope you don't mind me saying I never liked Darklina 🙈 I don't know if it's because I wasn't a big fan of the show in general, of because of the actor I found too pretty, or the dynamic in general... It just never worked for me.

I'm probably significantly older than most Tumblr users, old enough to remember how Mulder and Scully shippers were shamed and mocked when Internet and forums barely started to be a thing anyway 🤣 If you ever heard of X Files or even better, watched it, you know that there isn't a ship that's more vanilla than this one. And yet shippers were being mocked for seeing romance where there was only "platonic friendship" (joke on them, 9 years later Mulder and Scully were endgame), when we weren't told that "Scully deserved better" because "Mulder was abusive towards her

Shippers were always made fun to and it'll never stop, I'm afraid. I've stopped caring about what anyone has to say about a fictional romance I like tbh. I don't know if you use social media such as Reddit and Twitter, as far as I m concerned avoiding these places help a lot. Haters don't seem aware of Tumblr's existence, and I pray every day that they remain ignorant because I really like it here 💜

The best we can do is to keep having fun with what we love... That won't change these idiot's minds, but it will probably piss them off ;)

[tomurderornottomurder]

extinguish; soap/johnny mactavish

pair. johnny "soap" mactavish x gn!reader

summ. a recollection of your yearning for johnny. meeting him, becoming friends, taking a bullet for him.

gen. angst

tw. suicidal ideation/thoughts, cod typical violence/themes, one sided crush, word vomit

wc. 3.5k+

note. furiosophie's fanart with the longing that's killing me quote inspired this. shoutout to ghoap for making me want to rip my skin off /pos 

Add a log to the fire of what you call want. You do it as you look over at him. It burns in your chest and he is not looking at you. He looks at you sometimes but not now. Johnny is looking over at Simon who is in turn looking back at him. You, like an animal in a cage on the other side of the room, can only watch. You're wrapping your hands up, getting ready to use your fists against the bag but you keep looking over. You're torturing yourself. You didn't know it at first; that this would not end up good for you. You just saw and you wanted and you followed him until he was gone and you were up against a brick wall with a broken nose from your blind devotion. It used to be better; more bearable. At least you thought it did.

Anyone who set their eyes on Johnny could have easily fallen in love. A large man with an even bigger smile and bright eyes to match and that accent that warms your bones. You can't even understand his words sometimes but it doesn't matter, you still want to hear them, all of them. Anything he has to say to you, you want to hear it again and again. You, new and fresh, are greeted graciously and heartily by him. You two get along like a building on fire. It doesn't take long for a friendship to form. It takes less as you grow closer. It's easy. It's full of love. You're happy. He's smiling. Johnny touches you a lot. It's his nature. He'll bring you into a hug, fistbump you, rest a hand on your shoulder, rest his chin and arms on your shoulder, kick your feet under the table and you'll kick back, take your hand to pull you up after a spar, brush you off his hands dusting ghosting everywhere, ruffle your hair, drag you off by your vest or your arm, tackle you only having protected you of course, hold you in his arms under heavy gunfire, pat your back after a mission well done, lean over and whisper tell you something stupid to make you laugh, pull you in by your gunbelt a quick means to get your attention, ghost his fingers over a particularly bad cut make sure it's okay you're okay, hold pressure onto a bullet wound try to stop the blood from flowing, hold and pat your face when the blood loss is too much, and he'll brush your hair out of your face when you wake up in a bed the next morning wrapped up and connected to machines in a blaring-white room that hurts your eyes until they settle upon him the dark contrast you need. But you're getting ahead of yourself now.

Johnny cares. He cares about you, his team, his mission. He's sweet and maybe naive sometimes, he's not dumb or innocent by any means. He just doesn't know what he does. What he does to someone like you. An easy persuasion; he's an easy sell. He's easy to look at, get along with. There's not exactly anything special he does for you, he's just this way to everyone. He likes to be loved; he likes to love. It's easy for him. It's not easy for you.

On certain days, you find that your chest hurts real bad like it's getting squeezed and swallowed whole by the vest you're wearing but taking it off doesn't ease the pain. What is this? You're not yet able to pinpoint the source of the pain. All you know is that it aches. You try to be cautious and observant. Through the next day, you notice a distinct lack of it until you see him. Your eyes land on Johnny and that squeezing, suffocating feeling comes back. It clicks. 

You don't know why you've always been prone to love so hard that it hurts but it makes it easy to know at least for yourself. You know this is ridiculous. You've known him maybe two months. You don't love him. You tell yourself this. And you don't love him. 

There are more important things than love when you're getting shot at. What is wrong with you that you have to look at him not to make sure he's okay but just to see him? You're an idiot and he tells you that in frustration when you nearly get grazed by a bullet just above your head. You're lucky he was there but if he wasn't the problem would have never arisen. You don't tell him this. He's your friend. He's your teammate. He's not your boyfriend. He's not your husband. He's not your lover. You are something to him more than nothing but not nearly enough. 

You get back to base with him nearly stuck to your side. You know he's angry and at you. You know that this was stupid. You just had to focus and you couldn't even do that. You get back to somewhere private, your room his room, you can't remember. He's scolding you like you're a child. He's not yelling outright but he's loud. You would adore this attention if it was for anything else. This one on one. His eyes on you, burning through you with something you can't decipher. How close he is to you. How he cares about you and if you'd die. 

A long moment and then, you tell him you were distracted. Not by what, you can't. You were distracted, that's all. It's simple. He seems to grow more infuriated by these words. Distracted? He spits venomously, his head tilting as if to understand you better. You could have died. You know that. Johnny takes you by your shoulders now. He talks and he tells you things, he pleads with you and he tries to understand. It's hard to know what to say when he doesn't have all the information. You just stand there like a ragdoll as he holds onto you and your shoulders and he shakes you a bit, not intentionally or maliciously just out of his own pure desperation to understand you in this moment, to know what the hell is going on. Why did you almost get shot in the head from a distraction? What could have possibly distracted you that much?

You won't give him any more information and maybe he understands. He sighs loudly, his grip on your shoulders faltering before he pulls away altogether. He brings you into a hug, grabbing your head and holding it in a way. You scared me. He says. I scared myself. You don't say. Sometimes you think back and you wish you could have taken that bullet. It would have been easier than all of this. All of what is to come. But still, this memory is fond and you hold on to it for dear life. How he held you like you were his own. How he cared if you died. 

Later that same night, when you're undressing to bandage an old but still-there wound, you see something. You look over to make sure you're not making this up. On your shoulder his fingers. Bruises starting to form on both your shoulders because he had held you so tight. You brush your fingers over them. Your breath hitches. It's like he's still there. He's holding you in his absence. He loves you in a way. His fingers are still on you. You can feel them. You close your eyes and you can see him in front of you. He's looking you in the eye, he's holding your shoulders, he's digging into your flesh in a comforting way. He loves you somehow. 

You don't ever mention it. You keep this one thing for yourself. You wanna savor it like a tongue in your mouth. 

You tried to let this go, let it wash away. The almost bullet tells you it won't. It takes time and maybe it's a month, you can't remember, you decide. You decide you can tell him. You decide to try. You can't remember if it's a month or a week or what it was. You only remember deciding.

Something becomes real when you see it. And you watch your chance at whatever this is diminish right in front of your eyes in real-time when Johnny walks over to Simon, his heavy hand resting on the larger man's shoulder. Not squeezing as he had yours. Resting. This is an important difference. It's not only that, no. But that does make you hesitate. This isn't a good time you think to yourself. Try again later.

Later. His eyes on his face; you could never do that. Simon is looking at Johnny like he's the light of the world and you know this to be true. Johnny looks back at Simon like he is another light of the world, possibly brighter. Your stomach churns. You feel sick. The urge to throw up churns in your belly and burns up your throat. It almost spills past your lips. Nothing spills but a tear maybe more than one past your eyes. What is this? WHY ARE YOU CRYING? 

You do more than squeeze, digging your nails into the flesh of your shoulder so that by some miracle you can feel Johnny's long distant fingers on your skin. It doesn't work. You watch the two for a little longer. Why are you torturing yourself? Is that your voice or Johnny's? 

John's got blood on his face, Simon sees this. Simon's got blood on his mask and you've got blood in your heart. This is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Why can't he look at you like that?

Why can't he look at you like that?

Why can't he look at you like that?

Your ears are ringing when you leave with the two men. Why can't he look at you like that? You make no attempt to stray away from Simon or draw close to Johnny. Why can't he look at you like that? You sit in the carrier miserably. Why can't he look at you like that? Your eyes are on the floor. You try not to make a big deal out of it. You can't.

Now, you know why. 

Even later. It's late at night. It's dark, pitch black, there are no stars. You're outside on the ground. You're not crying yet just thinking. You know it's a bad idea. You think of the times you've seen them together. One night, Johnny comes out of the Lieutenant's room, everyone else laughing at the sight, not you. You manage a dry smile. That's it. There isn't even jealousy; just loss. The two sparring across from you while you spar with Gaz. Your eyes focused on something else, your ears unable to hear anything but the soft laughs, grunts, groans, and soon victorious noises coming from the Scotsman. Simon's quiet while Johnny makes all the noise. Gaz pins you to the mat and you don't even realize. Their conversations over comms make your ears bleed. Not because you want to be Simon, you want to be you and loved. You don't wish to take them away from each other, you just ache as you watch. You want to be you and seen.

There's something people should know about loving. That jealousy is not the end all be all. That you can let your love be loved. That destruction isn't necessary. You can suffer through it. You can let them not know, never know how much you love them because it's not necessary to tell them. You don't need to hurt them with the weight of knowing. That you have stared at them and seen them in worse ways and that you have chosen to continue and maybe it's not even a choice. It's an endless devotion you can't pull yourself away from. Because you could do whatever they asked and you would do whatever they want and you will be okay with it because they don't need to love you for you to love them. There is nothing saying that this must be mutual.

To know them is enough.

There are more moments. You see things all the time. You just push down the ache and continue on. You try not to watch them but sometimes you imagine yourself with him. In Simon's place maybe just for this fantasy so you can feel better about yourself. So in some place in the universe, he loves you. Even if it's fake, it feels good. It doesn't have to be real, it just has to feel good.

A sudden yet gradual distance is created between you and John. One day, he seems to notice it. He tries to touch you and without thinking, you move away. As if his hand were going to poison you, you avoid it like the plague. The disappointed look on his face does not escape you. John looks at you for a moment and even then, he doesn't look at you like he looks at him. You would laugh if you could manage it. Then he takes a seat next to you. He touches you again but this time you don't move. His hand is on your knee. Everything alright? He asks. It sounds lighthearted almost but it's serious, warm, worried, concerned. He's looking at you softly, his eyes are soft, his expression soft. He's waiting for you. 

You can't remember what happens next. All you know is that he doesn't know the truth. And that's fine. He shouldn't have to.

You make no effort to become closer. You do nothing. Ebbing and flowing how it may, you let it be.

Though you have given up in a sense, your heart still feels. It kills you really. It's like it wants to squeeze out its last drop of blood for him. It's like you'd slit your wrists for him and he wouldn't even have to ask. You'd already know to do it. 

You swear you didn't do this on purpose. You didn't mean it really. It just happened. Your body moved before your mind could process what was about to happen. You took a bullet for him because of course, you did. There was no thought behind it really. It just happened. You did not mean to save his life though you have always wanted to. This, and I stress, this was pure coincidence. An accident. Sure, you wanted to die for love but you didn't even think about this.

As soon as the shot rings out and you can feel the noise reverberating in your ears, you crumple to the ground. In front of him. This is not a nothing-shot. This is everything. This is internal bleeding and artery collapse. This is avoiding death by a miracle. This is not nothing.

You can barely feel his arms as they wrap around you, holding you like you're about to die. You don't even care anymore. You're cold and he's warm but you can't even feel it. It doesn't feel good to be held like this. You don't want to be held like this. You don't care if you die but it doesn't feel good to be dying. Not in his arms. You cannot die in his arms. This isn't what you want. 

John cradles you like a baby. He's holding you. You should be in heaven now but you can't even feel it. There is nothing worse than what you want. He's pulled you up onto himself now. Your head is propped up against his stomach. Your body is laid over his legs. He's holding your head the same way he did so, so long ago. You smile at that. You feel tears. You miss being held like you aren't about to die. You don't cry. You just close your eyes. You can feel his hands all over you. You wanted something like this, you remember, but this isn't it. This isn't what you wanted. This is some perversion of a thing you've never thought about. You did not want to die in his arms. 

He's holding you and holding you and you're starting to drift off somewhere else. He touches your face, tries to bring you back to himself. It works a few times. But like any old worn thing, it runs out of use. So, he holds you and continues to hold you. He thinks you might be dead but only for a fleeting millisecond. He can't think about that right now. You're not dead. You're in his arms, safe. You're with him. You're okay. You're in his arms so you're fine. He has you. He's holding onto you. You will be fine. He just has to get you out of here. He watches your eyes close for the last time and guilt shoots up his spine like a bullet. He'll get you out of here. He knows that.

You don't die. At least that one wish is granted to you. You don't die in his arms. Later you'd be grateful but now as you wake in a bright, white room you're only confused. You squint, trying not to take in all the light as it pierces your eyes. You hear something at your side, someone. Before you can turn to see, Johnny is on you like a hound. He's right up close and personal. Not too far away from your face. He takes up your whole view. You're glad for it. He's easy on the eyes. He's not harsh like this room around you. You feel him take your hand that you can't seem to move. Is it the drugs or the injury?

You could have died. Oh, doesn't that sound familiar? Johnny's not angry this time. He looks sad. What did you do to him? How could you do this to him? What's wrong with you? Guilt flows through your fingers like a shock of electricity. You still can't move your hands. 

I know. You croak. 

Why? He asks.

You don't know. You hadn't even thought about it. You just moved and you were in the right place. Johnny was safe. That's all that mattered really. What's the problem if you take the bullet for him? You weren't dead. You were far from dead. You were looking at him. He was looking at you. Isn't that all you could ask for? 

Then like bricks falling from the heavens, crashing against your ribs, and puncturing your lungs, you let it out. A sharp inhale before the sobs of a young man broken. Shaky breaths, tears, painful cries, a trembling body, shallow inhales, sputtering, lamented sobs all at once in succession. And because Johnny loves you in a way that you don't love him, he holds you. That's all he can do. He listens as you cry and whisper hoarse I'm sorry's. He strokes your hair. He holds you against him. He doesn't know why you're really crying and he's too naive to ever think about questioning it. He takes you at face value. He lets you do whatever you need as you're in his arms, alone in this hospital room, only your cries and his soft reassurances sounding out. You need this. He lets you have it.

Time goes on as it must. You get over yourself but not over Johnny. The pain in your abdomen never lets you forget. You don't think you'd even want to. What was the point then to have felt all that? 

You continue wrapping your hands and glancing Johnny's way as if he'd spare you the same look he dished out constantly to Simon. He loves you, he does. He loves you the way friends love each other, not how you love him. You're almost content with the idea. Not so much the practice. But you're not going to do anything. You're not going to hurt Simon or Johnny because you didn't know how to speak up sooner. It is your fault, after all. There is no one to blame but yourself for your actions or lack thereof. 

You finish wrapping your hands and stand up. Simon and Johnny's eyes land on you for a moment. Simon nods at you and you nod back and Johnny smiles -that same smile you can't get over, the smile that makes all new recruits weak in the knees, the smile that won him Simon (and you), the smile that you wish would only be yours when you got home- before pumping his fist in the air like his own seal of approval. He turns back toward Simon as you approach the punching bag. You grab it, hold it steady like you would if you could hold Johnny's hips. Then you let out your first punch and barrage after barrage after that. It's therapeutic in a way. You imagine it as yourself. You imagine dying before it got worse. You imagine dying in his arms. You imagine that you didn't get used to it.

Stoking the flames can only last so long. The fire might still burn in your chest but one day, one day it should extinguish. You just have to wait for it.