#don't listen to me I am insane

[sergle]

The unspoken part of that too, being called "soft squishy marshmallow mom shaped uwu" and then going, hm, no thanks. That's weird and uncomfortable. Is that people get SO TAKEN ABACK. And almost immediately switch straight into anger, because the idea of a fat person turning down a "compliment" is absolutely unthinkable.

[peachcitt]

from: thirteen by @anna-scribbles

art by me :)

start from the beginning // read the november chapter // read the most recent chapter (january)

hey listen. look me in my eyes. have you read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you want your life to be forever changed you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you are a person who is breathing and alive you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. thank you

[thalassophobixodius]

"shifting isn't real, you're all delusional" jokes on you! Reality shifting methods and such have HELPED ME COPE with my delusional disorders!!

Ex; preventing paranoid spirals into the delusions I have becoming/feeling Too Real and fucking Horrifying at times by shifting normalizing the thought of 1; everything is infinite, it's a common idea that we are CONSTANTLY shifting through different realities, and with that thought, the thought of being "not real, merely a character in someone else's mind" has also become normalized to me with the thought of; what if this world was created via someone thinking of an ideal place they wanted, and shifting Here? What if my delusions were somehow correct? Oddly enough to me, that is reassuring, as I'd finally have a Solid Fucking Answer, and alongside that; it's a fact that in the realities we make and shift to, everyone is still REAL!! Even IF the former idea that we were all created by the consciousness of someone else were true, that doesn't devalue or degrade our Reality as living breathing organisms with Real Lives.

Ex2; somatic cotards delusion is a delusional disorder where you feel you are legitimately dead/you died in the past at one point and are still here somehow/etc, my personal experience is that I believe I caused my own death at some point at a very very very young age and respawned or, alongside my other delusion I died and now what I'm experiencing is merely a simulation and I am actually in whatever the "afterlife" would be. I am convinced I am immortal, yet somehow also I could experience death at Any Second because I perhaps died ages ago and don't remember it;it could kick in when I least expect it, I experience this delusion in a very complicated way. But the thought that? There's people out there that are countless years old, have evaded death endlessly and many that have found the secret to immortality and I myself have scripted and pondered many ways to be immortal; maybe I Am immortal? Not quite yet, but maybe I was destined to be? I don't feel necessarily delusional about these things anymore, I don't feel to the point of "these things are inevitably real in my head but in a scary way because there's no real life way to find proof for myself in any direction negative or positive." I feel more like .. "oh.. maybe these things Are real? I've always been self aware of the delusion aspect of these thoughts, and therefore always known that even if in my head I'm convinced they're real, logically I can't know for sure. But now with this knowledge I feel canceled out, I feel less so on the 'these things are real and I'm spiraling into that scary fact' side of things and moreso on the 'these things are maybe possibly actually probably genuinely Real? And that's neat, I believe they're real as a genuine belief now and I feel like I've found balance. This doesn't feel like a delusional fear anymore, just a belief in a concept that could very very potentially be real."

It's like.. no one ever wants to tell you your delusions are real, because yeah obviously that'd fuck you UP right? But oddly enough for me, whether you'd consider this having enabled me or not; I am not terrified by these ideas anymore, I am not scared of these possible realities, I accept that they're possibly real and I believe in them; I no longer feel like my brain is Forcing me to see things that are fake as real to scare me, I now feel I have reclaimed my paranoia into my own personal beliefs.

Whether understandable or not, I deeply thank Everyone from the shifting community and I hope all of you get exactly what you need and exactly what you deserve, I hope we all do, I know we all will. I feel at peace with my own confusing brain for once finally, and I hope it's understandable how deeply much that means.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?

I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.

disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.

this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.

what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.

with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.

from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.

with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)

[iiboronii]

Ohh it's all coming together (<- girl finally having an idea for the first time in forever)

[maxphilippa]

Following the ii dark fics thing.

On some- if not most of the dark fics, disorders also tends to be used as a main thing to explain why the character is doing what they're doing. Which is, of course, not really great. Most au's that do this are about the Bright Lights as well.

Listen.

I can totally GET it. Mental health is a very important thing and having it ruined by people, or by other factors, can and WILL do some real damage to you. Yes. I can totally see a character doing questionable things because of their mental health being so so bad that it leads them to think that maybe, just maybe, these thoughts and actions aren't as bad, or that given the situation they're in, they're somewhat justified/it isn't inherently terrible of them, because of the state they're in doesn't let them think clearly, and they hold onto something because it's the last thing that makes them feel real.

One thing is doing that.

The other thing is using mental illnesses or their symptoms (per example: BPD, DID, Schizophrenia, and others) as the main reason as to why a character has done a killing spree or commited terrible actions. Meanwhile yes, having said disorders and going through heavy amounts of stress, and having no support can really make things difficult, mental illness won't make you a criminal or an awful person, a disorder isn't something you can just use for "oh well they have this so they commited murder because of this", people that have those already go through enough with others not even accepting that their condition is real or that it doesn't make them a bad person, for other people to use those disorders as a "Hey So This Is Why This Character Is Bad Now" for a story.

just sayin'

[future-crab]

You can always change who you are. btw.

[cherry-treelane]

everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life

[anonymusbosch]

today after work i sat in the car in the parking lot for 30 straight minutes staring at my phone ("vegetarian options near me") staring out the windshield at the gray sky (slowly getting darker) staring at my phone ("hi [manager] i was not cool with") and staring out the windshield trying to swallow some seething and a headache to drive back with a cool head.

i don't - i don't get angry. not really. frustrated, grumpy, irked, annoyed - sure. i am not moved to out-loud anger: raised voice, yelling, outbursts. whatever rises I am capable of biting back.

kept my cool long enough to get a Vegetarian Options Near Me (note: bad) and long enough after that to go buy ingredients that i can make food with in a hotel microwave. took care of some of the needs of the flesh. called partner. could relay nothing but the insanity of the work conversations and, in speaking, heard again the words that had driven me to muteness earlier

"I would have just said 'what the fuck' out loud" says the phone.

and I had, alone, in my car, quietly, "what is wrong with you" and "what the fuck" and "what is your problem", but not in conversation.

for which i am giving myself several gold stars today and resolving for tomorrow:

* literally leave the conversation and walk away while they're talking to you if they don't give you grace to leave

* don't play their games

* data, document, propose solution. ask for nothing. especially permission to do your damn job

* buy a fucking soldering iron.

[unionizedwizard]

poisoned book investigation update: i reached the part of queen margot that deals with the poisoned book and this only made me more convinced that this is indeed. what happened. back in 2010. because 1) i know my mother well and therefore know she would kin catherine de' medici (yes yes i know. i know. what can i say. she's insane. it's a family tradition) 2) in the novel, the book was poisoned by catherine herself (she conceived and carried out both the scheme and the execution herself), and meant to kill her political enemy and son-in-law (but ended up poisoning (and killing) her own son). the exact method of course would be unsuitable for my own mother to imitate as it is the exact same method used in the name of the rose (possibly where umberto eco got the inspiration from, actually?), therefore as i mentioned earlier impossible to recreate with the kind of paper my copy of the three musketeers was printed on. but. yeah. not that i had many doubts at this point anymore but this is really. convincing evidence. psychologically speaking.

like for the. catherine de' medici kin part:

my mother always loved her as a historical figure. we did visit a lot of historical castles and museums and all when i was a kid and she always had a marked preference for 1) the renaissance era and history 2) the medici family 3) catherine de' medici specifically. she admired her cunning and force of spirit and ambition and influence. #1 girlboss supporter (she did not support the. you know. religious massacres tho. she didn't think catherine was a great figure to emulate or whatever. but she admired her nonetheless)

as i've mentioned before, my mother has always been a wannabe italian. she's especially fond of the italian renaissance and in particular florence and its history. in the novel the fact catherine de' medici is florentine is a key part of her characterization

physically there seems to be a similarity? dumas doesn't actually describe his characters' appearance much, but from the few elements we get, it seems to fit (= pale, grey(?) eyes with a cold and cunning look, short and stout but pretty, white hands (that she takes great care of), short and stout (fat?) stature in general, blonde hair, small lips, imposing presence that makes other people immediately fall in line & scares them (she was very proud of that)). it's not much but knowing her she would jump to conclusions and want to really. Be Like Her

sorry i know how this sounds i KNOW you don't have to believe me but i swear this is all true. inherited insanity and all that. the true Drow Ass Family

[roguehanders]

cannot fault anyone for liking their preferred video game romance based on how hot they are, but i'm like super ace and my favorite thing about anders romance is that he's kinda ugly

[anaid-queen]

something something Lestat left Nicki in Armand's care and he killed himself, and Lestat blamed Armand

something something Louis is (at least passively) suicidal and Armand is doing his best (in his own way) to keep him stable and well

wonder what Lestat will think of this when he finds out.......

[doggytail-duck]

Why is it that I can be reduced to tears at a few notes of the viola every single time Penelope's theme plays

[radioisntdead]

I WANT CORNBREAD AAAAAAAAAAAA

[chai-en-kaadhale]

sent scary email brain is now stewing with every single possible worst outcome that could possibly come of this im going to have a stroke

[pardonmydelays]

clancy