#don't get me wrong. there are days where I do hate my adhd. when the emotional regulation problems kick in it's hell.

[pseudophan]

gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

[high-voltage-rat]

Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.

The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.

Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.

Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.

Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.

[greenunoreversecard]

HEYYEYHEY CAN I REQUEST LLOYD (ninjago) HEADCANONS PLEASEEEE (ty :3)

A/N: Ofc!I'll do general character ones, as well as x reader ones :) hope ye likey likey:pp

Lloyd, The Greenest and Geekest mf.

General character headcanons:

Half Japanese half Chinese

His hair is box blonde dye and you cannot change my mind.

Left handed

Severely dyslexic and hands off all scroll reading and just reading oriented tasks to kai.

Def gen z vibes. Like, the others give off more inbetween z and millenial, so they dont always get his humor. And sometimes he uses that to his advantage and "Speaks in code" (uses as much slang as possible)

Has LED lights in his room set to forest green.

Has given himself a smiley face tattoo.

Cried over a dead goose once.

OK, just to preface i see cole as a stoner of Sorts and uses the excuse "it gets me closer to my element"

With that in mind cole let lloyd try it and now sometimes when he is told to unwind, of feels like he needs to take a chill pill he and Cole spark up

in the beginning of his leader ship role, he used to Say;"kick ass and take names" and if things went wrong he had the fuck it we ball mindset, but got better with time. There are still times they wing it, though.

if he isnt in his gi he almost exclusively wears his pajamas (aka a Hoodie, tshirt and sweats)

Vv tired, and now has a raging addiction to energy drinks due to his lack of Sleep.

He used to eat worms as a kid bc he Thought he it was evil.

Has a eyebrow piercing, and wants a tongue piercing.

Wears "reading" glasses, that he should technically wear all the time because he can't see up close and has a astigmatism,, but he says yolo. Zane then make him contacts after he almost ran into a moving blade and got his head severed.

Adhd and OCD, as well as the normal line up (anxiety, depression, cptsd)

Lloyd in a relationship:

Hes very distant in the beginning, it'll take time to warm up to you.

He tends to be orage cat vibes.

On the cat trend, he gets close for a bit Before becoming distant. Going through waves of affection, kinda.

He hasn't had like, any good relationships in his life so he tries to "protect" himself when he feels he gets to close to you, and so he pulls away.

He does the fuckboy face when your sad bc it makes you laugh, as well as That weird dice roll

He actually does the face/dice roll combo whenever he Sees you as he walks over, it's an inside joke now

primary giving love language: acts of service and quality time

Primary receiving love language: gifts and words of affirmation. But physical touch is also high up there.

Also, not expensive gifts. He hates those. Give him a stick you saw on a walk that made you think of him. He'll cherish it forever. And maybe cry.

He will cry.

will make noises at you and expects a noise in response or he'll be sad.

Also randomly bites you. He's a nommer

also sends you memes throughout the day.

As well as random pictures with the caption;"BABY LOK THIS IS S. US IF WE WHERE *insert whatever item here*

Called you babe, baby, love, shitface, asshole.

Expect kind and loving gentle bullying.

Doesnt know how to express his emotions to just expect him to come up to you, lightly shake your shoulders and aggressively say;"I love you bitch.i ain't Evea gon stop lovin you. Bitchhhhhhh" (vine reference)

Sends you .5 of everyone, himself included. He's addicted to Taking them. You will not get out of it.

Also sometimes just walks around in nyas stilettos for fun.

You two have fashion shows.

You also take over the Living room sometimes and build giant ass forts to watch shitty reality tv in and make fun oF The people

Overall, once he realizes you won't leave he's the most funniest loving chaotic guy.

But expect it to take a hot minute for him to realsie this

give him time,, but also have some deep talks..

Let him vent

and for the love of God don't hurt the baby's heart.

Expect inside jokes

[justarandompersononthehellsite]

So... @muffinlance wrote a really awesome story. I read a post from a point in time, though I truly do not remember when since it seems like I've been working on this project forever, saying that she gives blanket permission for people to print and bind the story into a book (I think there was an also addendum saying that they do not give permission to be sold, since selling fic is illegal). This fic has had total control over my whole brain since it was sent to me (@creatorofthemind I believe it was you, so thank you forever for tuning me into it) back during the days of like chapter six or seven.

So here I am now, sharing this amazing journey of my first ever bookbinding adventure. Further reading below.

So to give you an idea of what's going on, this is a fanfiction about Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender) (animated show version, the LA show did not exist yet and we do not speak of the movie) being adopted by Hakoda, Father of Katara and Zuko. (This might have also been what kicked off the Give Zuko A Parent craze, but don't fact check me.)

Overall, the characters from the show stick very well to the cannon versions, but where MuffinLance really shines is in the rich backstories and fleshed out feeling of all the non cannon elements. Especially the background characters. I would argue that the writing in this peice of fanwork could easily rival the cannon show at many points of comparison.

Now that you have context, we can get into the actual process.

To start, I used this guide to figure out where to even begin, and fount the included resource list to also be quite helpful. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out where I found the template I used for the front matter and such, but it must be somewhere and I will link to it when I inevitably come across it again.

Then I began to typeset. This step took... a long time. I worked in chunks from about September of 2022 to late March of 2024. I would get a big section done, sometimes even the entire thing, but then find I hated the way I had done it and give up for months at a time. Such is the life of ADHD and flitting interest in projects I suppose.

And then finally, step one was done, and I was left with pages on a word document that look like this. (And do please let me know if you want the link to the document. It was so much work, and I would love to not be the only one to use it.)

Next step was printing out this beast. Ended up being about eight pages of front matter, and about 630 pages of body text.

That I printed wrong.

Twice.

Before finally getting it right. And then not getting a picture of it, because I finished at 4 am and had work at 7, and am also an idiot.

Then I simply stitched along, putting everything together into a beautiful text block.

And came up with a design for the cover.

Yes the glue did end up lumpy. Ignore it.

Yes I did have to sketch out the design onto a scraped page several times before I figured out what I was doing. Ignore that too.

The cover design does wrap around the entire cover. No I did not get a picture before I glued the thing down. See again: I'm an idiot. And just... massively impatient.

Finally, we get to the stage of gluing. Behold, my bookpress.

Of course, topped with Madam MuffinLances own actual professional-people book, Fox's Tounge and Kirin's Bone. It is Excelent. Here is the LINK so you can go and support this amazing author with the real-monies as well as the internet-kudos.

Then, once everything is glued together, one must give the book its "gilt" edges.

[bomberqueen17]

lurkey lurkey

so i had in my mind been like "when the farm season is over i'm gonna get so much done" and also in my mind been like "bitch be real i am going to be decompressing uncontrollably and will achieve nothing" and just as one might have predicted, i have split the difference, spinning wheels wildly and also achieving little.

i did do a final definitive trial of ADHD meds, long put-off because the season was too hectic, and decided that yes, my impression of July was correct, I suck at being medicated LOL

I did start publishing the 150k of incoherent fanfic I started writing in August while insane, and I might keep going on that; there's a small audience but a lovely one

and I really really did take the characters from that fanfic and shove them into a new story and I have written several tens of thousands of words of notes but in the last couple of days I actually think I have begun to write a draft. So.

If anyone is interested in possibly doing some beta-reading, even just cheer-reading, of a draft of an original novel about bisexual tall ship sailors in a solarpunk setting, I should mention that the stay-at-home wife is turning out to be the B-plot heroine (it might actually be the A plot) and the Admiral's sassy gay socialite husband is doing some heavy lifting I hadn't expected, but on the other hand, the children are less onscreen than I'd expected. And I'm not sure where the sex is going to fit in, if at all. But there is still an OT3.

So let me know about that. I'm not quite ready with a shareable draft but I'm two chapters in and cautiously optimistic that this is actually a story. Maybe?

But I'm about to head back to the farm for the turkey processing ordeal, which is a solid week of extremely hard work with a major holiday in the middle with family obligations and then more work immediately afterward, so I don't expect to have time to work on it for a bit. But it's ruminating in there, I promise.

I have a snippet, which is a first-- everything I've written so far I've hated upon rereading, so that's why I think I'm making progress. I've renamed everyone but kept the first names mostly, where I didn't swap genders. This is the opening of chapter 2, so we've already had Technology Backstory With Smart Wifey, and Action Sequence At Sea With Explosions, and now it's time for Character Backstories:

Someone shouted his name from down the street, and Tom laughed aloud, handed his datapad to the mildly alarmed merchant captain walking beside him, and turned, holding his arms out and bracing himself to receive the sudden arrival of thirteen stone or so of Yardley at full velocity. James always jumped and Tom always caught him, that was how it had worked since they were about thirteen, and he spun around to absorb some of the excess velocity and then kissed James soundly on the mouth before setting him down.  “Atkins, you fucker,” Yardley said. He’d knocked both their hats off. He was tan, straight off a run from around the Storms, and had been long-scheduled to meet them here. Constellation’s limping had slowed them down so much they were eight days overdue, so he’d likely been hanging around a while now. “I hear you have a good excuse for being late.” “I don’t know that it’s good,” Tom said, retrieving their hats and putting Yardley’s back on him. Then he realized it was the wrong hat, so he switched them. “But it couldn’t exactly have been avoided.”  James grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him again, and it could read as just friendly to a casual observer but Tom knew it was not, and smiled, curling his tongue wickedly but briefly behind James’s teeth before pulling back. James kept hold of his face and frowned. “You look like shit,” he said. “Thanks,” Tom said. “You look like you’ve been lying around Barka drinking and fu--” He rerouted the sentence, remembering they weren’t alone. “Making friends.” “Well,” James said modestly, preening, “naturally.”

[concook20]

Wild Kratts New Backstory And Headcanons! (Crew)

I'm gonna redo backstory and their headcanons, I did do one before, but with new ideas and potential, I decided to redo my previous headcanons!

Up first is Crew, since I came up with the creature power suit design too, and I wanted you guys to check it out!

Full Name: Martin William Kratt

Age: 25

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Pansexual

Birthday: December 23rd

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Job Application: Animal Rescuer/Artist (Side Job)

Relationship:

Chris: Best Friend Ever!/Brother

Aviva: Best Friend

Koki: Best Friend Ever!/Previous Crush

JZ: Best Friend Ever!

Zach: Enemy

Khris: Moral Enemy

Donita: Enemy/Secret Past Relationship

Dabio: Neutral

Gourmand: Moral Enemy

Paisley: Neutral

Rex: Neutral/Don't Mind

Vert: Extrovert

Phobia: Coulrophobia (Fear Of Clowns)

Favoritism

Color: Blue and black

Singers: Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Metallica, Bruno Mars, Micheal Jackson, and KISS

YouTube: Game/Film Theory, Nick Crowley, and Markiplier

Animal: Falcon

Hobbies: Artistry (Sculpting, drawing, paint, etc.), playing guitar and drums, parkour, and surfing

Past Relationships

Martin used to date 3 people back then. One was when he was 13, and even at that age, he dated a 14 year old girl, who was mean, bossy, and threw stuff at Martin, whenever he didn't want to do anything, he broke up with her when he moved. He then dated a 16 year old boy, while being 17 as well, as they broke up after the two were falling apart. When he was 21, he dated a non-binary person, who was 19, only for it to end when Martin turned 24. He had a crush on Koki during high school, but she rejected him gently and told him she likes girls, which he understood and the two still remained friends.

Headcanons

Martin started an artistry side business, where he helps kids with improving their art, selling his own art to people who like it, and drawing people like the people who draw the people in funny designs and such.

In the group of friends, Martin's, not only help keep the group together and happy, but is also the dumb one

Martin has the mouth of the sailor, which can surprise anyone.

Martin has ✨ ADHD ✨

Martin can go feral whenever something happens to the crew or family, ESPECIALLY, to Chris. So watch out! The reason why he's overprotective is that there was an incident with Chris, which made him turned against his father and vows to keep Chris safe, no matter what.

Each Valentine's day, he always watches Pedro Pascal edits.

Martin is in therapy to control his anger issues and his anxiety.

Martin gives me Narrator, from the Boys vibes, prove me wrong!

Martin makes stupid dad jokes, no matter how much people hate it.

Martin used to have long hair, but he cut it short after his hair got pulled a couple of times.

Martin gets to have his Christmas early, since his birthday was a couple of days earlier, and it sometimes makes him annoyed.

Martin and JZ always rambled a lot to each other, to the point they, even, make jokes about making a podcast.

Martin always goes to the zoo and imitates some animal noises.

Martin does funny pranks, they're tamed and funny, but still, the crew could be annoyed by it.

When he wakes up, he has a Sam Elliott's voice, like deep and almost sounded western.

Martin is a love expert, and even if he's dumb sometimes, he's also an amazing lover and partner, since he'll never forget how long you dated or your favorite flowers.

Martin has a fear of clowns, the reason why is because when he was 3, he and his mom went to the circus. He enjoyed the show, but he needed to use the bathroom and left, without informing his mother, but as he went to find the bathroom, a clown saw and followed him. Martin noticed, and got scared as the clown tried to take him and pull him into a room. He panicked, screamed, cried, and tried to pull away, before his mother saw and yelled at the guy, as he ran off, turned out that guy didn't work at the circus, as he tried to kidnap boys for his own sick dreams.

Full Name: Christopher Fredrick James Kratt

Age: 22

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Birthday: July 19

Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Job Application: Animal Rescuer/Low-class Singer (Side Job)

Relationship:

Martin: Best Friend Ever!/Brother

Aviva: Best Friend Ever!

Koki: Best Friend

JZ: Best Friend Ever!

Zach: Secret Friend/Crush

Khris: Neutral/Don't Mind

Donita: Enemy

Dabio: Neutral

Gourmand: Enemy

Paisley: Neutral

Rex: Neutral

Vert: Ambivert, Mostly Extrovert

Phobia: Nyctophobia (Fear Of Darkness)

Favoritism:

Color: Green and black

Singers: NF, Melanie Martinez, Bruno Mars, Rihanna and Nico Collins

YouTube: Game/Film/Food Theory, Nick Crowley, Sam and Colby, and Coryxkenshin

Animal: Cheetah

Hobbies: Reading, trees and rock climbing, archery, and singing.

Past Relationships

Chris hasn't been in the dating game, though, he did date someone back then. The girl was a popular cheerleader at high school, when Chris was 16 and a nerd back then, but she embarrassed Chris during high school for being a nerd and embarrassingly clumsy or shy. Chris was humiliated, but he turned it to determination as he worked out, changed his outfits, and felt confident... While being insecure.

Headcanons

Before Chris wanted to do animal rescuing, he used like singing. He has an amazing voice, but he never sings in front of anyone, even Martin, but when he's alone, he sings to music he listens to.

In the friend group, Chris is the same thing as Martin, but he's smart enough to behave... Sometimes.

Chris loves his brother Martin, but the one thing he doesn't like is him being over protective, it makes him smothered, annoyed, and jealous how Martin can do anything, while Chris has to 'be careful', but Martin doesn't know, cause Chris doesn't wanna hurt his feelings, so he keeps it pent up.

Chris has ✨ Autism ✨

Even if Chris dated a beautiful girl, he has a huge crush for goths.

On his birthday, he collects rocks that are left on his window, making him confused, but keeps anyways cause they're pretty.

Chris knows 2 languages, German and Spanish.

Chris is a picky eater, he has certain tastes he hates like olives, pickles, burgers, mustard, etc. And mostly a health nut.

Chris is a romantic person but they hide it very well, after getting humiliated, and if he shows it, he's very clumsy, when doing so.

Chris is the #1 hater of Martin's jokes.

Chris is an insomniac, which he hates to be.

The brothers will eat a pepper, but Chris wouldn't feel it, even when his brother is dying.

Chris was kidnapped for ransom when he was 16, while his father forced him to go to the store to get some food for the family. His father wasn't even going to pay the kidnappers the ransom money, since he is very greedy and he thinks its punishment for being bisexual... He was found a couple of weeks later, traumatized and scared of the dark.

Backstory

Martin and Chris were both brothers in the Kratt Family, with their parents names being Linda and William Kratt and they have twin young sisters, named Christine and Susan, who were 18. Their parents got into a divorce, when Linda found out William cheated on her, and the siblings got to choose where to stay, where Susan and the brothers chose to stay with their mother in Canada.

Chris's relationship with his parents is half good and bad, good is his mother, who loves him, cares for him, and even supported him when he came out as bisexual, however, his father is distant, cruel to both brothers, tries to force sexism and his business job into them, and homophobic, where he outright hates Chris for being bisexual, making Chris heartbroken, as he was a daddy's boy.

Martin's relationship was like Chris's, only with him being a mama's boy and he despised his father, when he was 19 years old and Chris went missing. After he found out his dad literally sent Chris to he captured and wasn't going to pay his brothers freedom, he let out all of his anger and went feral, to the point he left his father bruised, bloody, and scared. He hated him ever since, and never even went into contact with him after he took Wild Kratt's idea and made it real.

The brothers love for the sisters is like the parents, where the two love Susan, who adores them, and sees Martin as a father figure, and supports Chris, even buying him a pride flag. However, they don't like Christine that much, since she's a total daddy's girl, where Martin felt bad for Christine for liking the man, and Chris is jealous of Christine for her getting the love while he can't.

Martin wanted to save animals when he was young, after watching an animal show, where there are bad people who take good and wonderful creatures and hurt them for their own selfish needs, so he vows to save any animals, be it pets, birds, rodents, even some insects. His father thinks it's dumb, while most people don't like Martin saving any animals, but his mother, sister, and Chris supports this idea, even with Chris joining in, and that actually helps Martin out to save many animals.

Martin got the idea to save animals around the world, but was hesitant to hire Chris, who begged and was excited to join, because he heard he'll have to face people who tries to hurt these sweet animals, and he's worried his brother would be hurt, but after thinking about it, and some reassurance and excitement from Chris, he, reluctantly, agreed, and thus! The Kratt Brothers created the Wild Kratts Show!

Full Name: Aviva Carmen Maria Corcovado

Age: 22

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Birthday: February 7th

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Job Application: Wild Kratts Inventor

Relationship:

Martin: Best Friend

Chris Best Friend Ever!

Koki: Best Friend Ever!/Crush

JZ: Best Friend

Zach: Moral Enemy

Khris: Neutral

Donita: Enemy

Dabio: Neutral

Gourmand: Enemy

Paisley: Neutral

Rex: Don't Mind

Vert: Ambivert

Phobia: Claustrophobia (Fear Of Closed Spaces)

Favoritism:

Colors: Purple, golden brown, and white

Singers: Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Shawn Mendes, Camilla Cabello, and Elvis Presley

YouTube: Steve Reviews, Valkyrie, and ASMR

Animal: Chinchilla

Hobbies: Yoga, jogging, gymnastics, and dancing

Past Relationships

Aviva was forced into in only one, which ended badly. Aviva dated a guy when she was 18 and heading to college, only to find out her boyfriend was a controlling, abusive cheater, who tries to keep Aviva where she lives, so he can control her, but once she left, he began to stalk and follow her, to the point she put a restraining order on him, but... He breaks it, though, she doesn't know... Yet.

Headcanons

In the group of friends, Aviva is definitely the mom friend, taking care of the group, including the brothers.

Aviva wears glasses, but she has ok visions without them, too, but mostly, she wears glasses.

Aviva is very flexible, since she used to do gymnastics when she was 7.

Aviva couldn't handle criticism, so be careful with what you say.

Aviva chews her nails when she is nervous.

Aviva cries while watching disney movies.

Without MatPats theories, Aviva knows the FNAF Lore.

Aviva hates being alone.

Like Chris, Aviva knows some languages too, like French, German, Russian, and Italian.

Aviva got a secret admirer from poems, which makes her gushy and giddy, or nervous and scared, due to her ex.

Aviva has a fear of closed spaces, because during her relationship with her abusive boyfriend, he got angry and shoved her into a crate, locked her in, and buried her alive. She was panicking, scared as this didn't happen to her before, until a few hours after her panicking, Aviva's sister came to visit and let her out, worried. That's when they broke up and she hates closed spaces.

Backstory

Aviva has a mother, named Imelda, sister, named Tia, step father, named Eduardo, and step brother, named Roman. She has a father, named Carlos, who was an inventor and shown Aviva his greatest invention, even making suits for people whenever he needs. But he died, when she was 3 and her sister was 2, from a car crash, she missed him deeply, to the point she wanted to follow his footsteps of being an inventor.

She loves her mom and sister dearly, while they love and care for her, even supporting her dreams of being an inventor. She doesn't like her step dad and brother, however, as they're sexist jerks, trying to make Aviva give up on her dream, even setting her up with her ex. She hates them, but used their rudeness and sexist remarks as fuel for her determination, as she began to go to college and get a job at the Wild Kratts.

Full Name: Brianna 'Koki' Lawrence Thompson

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Lesbian

Birthday: November 13th

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Job Application: Wild Kratts Technician

Relationship:

Martin: Best Friend Ever!

Chris: Best Friend

Aviva: Best Friend Ever!/Crush!

JZ: Best Friend

Zach: Enemy

Khris: Enemy

Donita: Moral Enemy

Dabio: Neutral

Gourmand: Enemy

Paisley: Neutral

Rex: Neutral

Vert: Ambivert, Mostly Introvert

Phobia: Hemophobia (Fear Of Blood)

Favoritism:

Color: Red, yellow, and pink

Singers: Rihanna, Taylor Swift, P!NK, and Nicki Minaj

YouTube: ASMR

Animal: Snowy owl

Hobbies: Meditation or relaxing, cosplaying, acting (musical and plays), and working out

Past Relationships

Koki used to date a couple of girls in college, it didn't end well, as the first girl was straight and pretended to date Koki for a place to stay, while cheating on Koki with a guy she was with before. The second relationship was a bet-like relationship, like the person bet they can date that person for a while. Well Koki began to close off on love in general, until she met Aviva and began to fall for her.

Martin did confess his feelings for Koki, but she rejected him for two reasons, her sexuality and her struggle with love. Martin can relate and offer to help her find love, so when he finds out she likes Aviva, he mostly helps her out by either getting them to hang out together or even leaving gifts for Aviva, as Koki gave him an ok to do so.

Headcanons

In the group of friends, Koki's the one gay emo best friend. She is closed off from everyone, but her group of friends, which is the crew.

Koki has a creature power suit like the trio, but she rarely uses the suit, unless it's absolutely necessary.

Koki enjoys wearing grunge or gothic like outfits, it makes her feel comfortable and relaxed.

Koki forgets to eat most of the time.

Koki suffers from depression, which she's getting better from with therapy.

Koki is an insomniac.

Koki instinctively cleans messes in their own house as well as other peoples.

Koki writes poems for people she likes, even Aviva, which Martin gives to Aviva in secret.

Koki eats spicy food like Chris, and sometimes, the two battle it out to see who can eat more spice... Never ends well.

When she was around 2 to 3, she got abused by her mom as she cut and hurt Koki, to the point she bleeds, making her panic more which gets her hurt more than before. She began to be nervous around blood, making her even scared of before, making her freeze up, when she sees blood.

Backstory

Like I said, she was abused by her alcoholic mother, named Brianna, who was in a divorce with her father, named Axel, who has another family with a mom, Michonne, with 2 sons and a daughter, 21 year old named Marion, 18 year old named Julian, and a 17 year old named Becca, she has a twin brother, but they got separated, due to him being sold away to another family, since her mother don't want to deal with two kids, sadly, Koki never got the chance to find him. Koki hated staying with her mom, even changing her name to Koki, since she was named after her mother, so she goes by the name her father wanted to name her instead of her mother, which was his mother's name, Koki.

After she moved out of her mom's when she was 4, she bonded with her new family. Michonne treats her like a daughter and Koki adores her like a mother, while her siblings bond with her like siblings. She was intrigued by her father's tech skills, and he taught her how to do it, since the others don't seem interested in it. After she went to college and went to join the Kratts, the family supported her, meanwhile she cut off her mother for good.

Full Name: Jimmy Zander 'JZ' Sanders

Age: 21

Gender: Transgender Male

Sexuality: Aroace

Birthday: April 23rd

Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Job Application: Pilot of the Wild Kratts

Relationship:

Martin: Best Friend Ever!

Chris: Best Friend Ever!

Aviva: Best Friend

Koki: Best Friend

Zach: Enemy

Khris: Enemy

Donita: Neutral

Dabio: Neutral

Gourmand: Moral Enemy

Paisley: Neutral

Rex: Neutral/Don't Mind

Vert: Introvert

Phobia: Astraphobia (Fear Of Thunder And Lightning)

Favoritism

Colors: Orange and teal

Singers: Billie Eilish, NF, Eminem, The Weeknd, and Melanie Martinez

YouTube: Game/Film/Food Theories, Jacksepticeye, Markiplier, H2O Delirious, Vanoss, Coryxkeshin, and Cartoonz

Animal: Raven

Hobbies: Playing video games, napping or chilling, cooking or baking, and watching YouTube.

Past Relationships

JZ didn't get into a relationship, in fact, he doesn't really think much of it, he doesn't really mind, since he has friends with the crew, who supports him, no matter what. He's just happy to be there, you know?

Headcanons

JZ was a big fan of anime, not those weird ones, like MHA, Death Note, Attack On Titans, Demon Slayer, and Spy x Family, though, no one knows, cause he doesn't wanna look weird.

In the group of friends, JZ is the quiet guy who keeps it to himself, unless someone wants to talk to him.

JZ is the baby of the group, since he's the youngest, which they care for and protect him. He doesn't mind it, but it makes him feel smothered and weak, so he sometimes thinks about sneaking off to fight bad guys like Martin and Chris.

JZ suffers from anxiety and PTSD.

JZ is in therapy most of the time, in order to control his fears.

JZ has a snack stashed hidden somewhere, where no one, not even his closest friends, even know where it is.

JZ enjoys Martin's dumb jokes, or anything dumb to laugh at.

JZ will remind others in the midst of chaos how good he's being.

JZ was banned from drinking energy drinks.

JZ plays games like Doki Doki, FNAF, and Detroit Become Humans.

JZ is a sleepwalker, and Chris and Koki know about it.

JZ has a creature power suit, but it is very, very, very, very, VERY rare to see him with one.

JZ has noise canceling headphones when he's stressed or scared when a storm comes. He uses them at night to sleep, and if he doesn't have them, he has bad dreams about his parents death and the car accident he was in as a 2 year old.

Backstory

Out of the group, JZ has the calmest backstory here, though it did start with tragedy. He had two loving parents back then, until they died in a car accident on a stormy night, as a thunder struck onto a tree and it fell, crushing the car the family was in. People got JZ out, but his parents died, when the car, immediately, exploded with the two. JZ was horrified by storms since then, as he lost his parents from it.

JZ has to move in with his grandparents, who adore and care for him. His grandmother, Wanda, began to teach him how to cook, knit, and crochet, it helps him feel relaxed and happy to spend time with her. His grandpa, Connor, told him the story of how he used to fly a plane, where JZ was inspired and began to try to save the money to go to flying school.

His grandparents did die tragically, but JZ has nowhere else to go, so he had to stay at the shelter, until he met up with Chris again, who offered him a place to stay, which was the Tortuga, and the group is finally made!

Finally! Made The Crew's New Bio! Hope You Guys Like It! Villains Are Up Next!

[lulublack90]

About Me

Hi there, Lulu here.

I do have a real name but I prefer to go by Lulu on here and Ao3 so please use that.

I go by she/he/they. Call me what you want I don't mind. It changes day by day for me in the real world, but my friends and family don't know that.

I'm pansexual but again only a few people know that.

I'm in my 30's but have the maturity of a teenager unless I'm in parent mode when I have to pretend to be a grown-up (It does not last long!).

I am a huge huge huge Harry Potter fan (Fuck JK, she's a dick!) My house is full of so many HP-related items. In fact, I think every room has something in it, thank the gods my husband is also a massive nerd.

In case you can't tell I am Neurospicy. I am in the middle of getting diagnosed with ADHD and by that I mean I am procrastinating actually starting the process.

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah I like so much stuff I can't think what else to put here but yeah Harry Potter, mainly Marauders era but I love anything really.

My fav ships are Wolfstar (I've loved them since I was a young thing and didn't even know it was a thing." Jegulus (My new love.) Dramione (Lord have mercy) Drary (Lord I need more mercy) Pandalily (Meep!) Dorlene (Squeek!) I like Marylily as well but not as much, but I love them when I read them.

My asks are open and you can send me whatever you want, no hate please no one needs that in their life and Tumblr is my happy place don't spoil it.

Things that make me happy

You guys. Honesty it's Tumblr, I've only just really found this and all you amazing people who like my silly stories that I've only been writing regularly since December 23 when I found you all. My husband and son make me happy and so do my dogs and cats. I love watching storms and autumn. I read a lot, I crochet, I knit, I write. I am a huge fan of chocolate. If you give me chocolate I will be your friend.

Music

Bowie. Nuff said.

But yeah I like a lot of different stuff, it depends on my mood as to what I listen to. I drive my husband mad because I like songs by lots of people but I can't remember what they're called or who they're by.

Books

My all-time favourite book will always be Prisoner of Azkaban. It is my happy place.

My house is full and I mean full of books. I don't actually know how many I have but last time I estimated I had 300 in my bedroom alone. (There are piles of books in every room 😬)

ACOTAR!!!

Shows/movies

Harry Potter, The Martain, The Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Hunger games, Twilight (Don't judge me they got me through a dark time.), How to train your Dragon, Disney anything, plus others there are so many and I'm bored of listing.

Good Omens, Schitts Creek, Parks and Rec, Bake off, Handmaids tale, It's always sunny, community, Harbin hotel, archer, vampire diaries. Plus more but yeah typing.

Okay I think I'm done but who knows I might add more if I remember.

Love you all

Lulu

xxx

My Ao3 List

These are my fanfics on my ao3

Bitten M- Remus, Sirius and James head to the forest for a fun full moon. Everything is going great until one of them has an accident. (This was the very first fanfic I wrote. It's okay.) Wolfstar. Complete.

The Prisoner T- Sirius Black has been wrongly imprisoned for 12 years. He's bided his time but now its time to escape and right the wrongs of the past.

The Prisoner of Azkaban as told by Sirius Black, filling in the gaps starting with his escape from Azkaban. Wolfstar. Complete.

The Cupboard E- Hiding from Filch and awaiting rescue things get a bit close in the cupboard between Remus and Sirius. Wolfstar smut one shot. Complete.

Birthday E(I think, I'm not good at telling) Sirius finds Remus alone in their dorm room instead of enjoying the party downstairs. Wolfstar. Complete.

The One That Got Away E- James agrees to throw a party at his house. Sirius asks to bring his little brother, how could that possibly affect James at all? Based on the micro fic series I wrote in January. Jegulus. Backcould Wolfstar. Complete.

Jegulus Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

Wolfstar Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

The Way They Were T - While Harry is clearning out Grimmauld Place he discovers that Wolfstar were a thing.

Love Hate and the Ability to Change M - Sirius is taking Remus to the hosital wing on the full moon and Regulus catches them kisses. After some rather nasty words Regulus tells Sirius something about himself.

The Way They Are M - Part two of The Way They Were. Harry and Draco spend more time together and Draco finds another box for Harry, this time from Remus.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

This is my third time in your inbox, I'm so sorry 💀💀

Can we get more insight on Konigs childhood? You mentioned abuse from his father. What exactly did he do to Konig and his mother? Why did he cut his face up? Why did his mother not leave him? Where are his parents now? Was his childhood the reason he joined the military? Will he fully open up to the reader abt it?

Ty for tolerating me 😭🙏🏾

Please. My inbox is always, always open and I love these questions! (Like... someone wants to hear my ramblings about mentally unstable, fictional men?? You are godsend, my friend 💖)

Thoughts on König's childhood:

CW/TW: emotional, verbal & physical abuse, talk of personality disorders (by someone who is not a psychologist lmao), aggravated assault/murder, self-hate

So, I wrote König as a sociopath (otherwise known as antisocial personality disorder) with borderline pd. He's also neurodivergent (prob. ADHD). Now I don't know shit about these things but I tried my best to do some research on different pds and neurodiversity and thought this potpourri might fit well in König's character profile.

Unlike psychopaths, sociopaths are made, not born. So his dad had a definite hand in creating one out of König. He thought his only son (K is an only child in my canon) was a freak because he was bigger than "normal" kids, tall and lithe and on top of everything else, behaved oddly. König was bullied at school which made him even more asocial and anxious, which in turn made his dad project his own insecurities onto König even more. He needed to imprint it on König that he's a freak by cutting him.

There was a strict routine and order in his childhood home: dinner was to be served at 6'o clock sharp, every piece of clothing had to be pedantically ironed, no tv past seven, etc. Any misstep on these rules and there would be violence, mainly verbal and emotional but at times, physical too. König's mother was never enough, nothing she did was ever enough. König for sure did everything wrong by simply existing. For a boy of his size, he learned to become surprisingly invisible at a very young age.

Sometime during his teenage years, he started to have enough. He started to rebel, learned how to walk tall and straight, started to jog and train inside his room, do 100 pushups every morning. The idea of joining the army was born during these times as well, and becoming a sniper was soon König's biggest dream.

He enjoyed when his schoolmates, even some of the teachers, began to fear him (if you cannot be loved, better be feared than ridiculed). He was the odd, silent, big freak who was only getting odder, bigger and more silent every day. People at school literally feared the day König would arrive at class with a gun.

His father started to cut him even more when he began to show signs of independence and grit. At some point König realized he could easily beat his own dad if he wanted to. At 15 he started to go to the gym, and a year after, when he saw his father yell at his mom about something utterly insignificant, he finally snapped, took a simple kitchen knife and drove it to daddy's ribs (16 times).

His mother had a tiny mental breakdown after that. She didn't want her child to get into trouble, but seeing such a violent murder was the last straw for a woman who had tried to keep the peace by playing by this crazy tyrant's rules. The reason she hadn't left was because she feared he might kill them both. (Also the breakdown was far more severe than the one reader had after the break room incident, and it def. brought back some not so fond memories)

König got the minimum penalty for the crime because he was a juvenile offender. His mother forgave her child quite soon and deemed that her husband was evil and that König did the right thing for freeing them from such a man.

Things got better after that, but his mother was forever damaged from everything that had happened. She began to blame herself for not divorcing her husband sooner, for then he would still be alive and König wouldn't have suffered so much in his hands. One of the reasons König started to wear the hood was because he didn't want to remind his mother of what had been done to him. Instead, the mask only caused her only more pain. She started to avoid her own child, even fear him, feeding into König's insecurities and anxiety even more.

When König finally joined the army at the age of 17, it was to get away from home and pursue his dreams to become a sniper. He thought it might be best for his mother, too, if he wasn't around the house to remind her what had gone down and how her only child was not only a monster, but a murderer, too.

König's childhood is so filled with trauma that he has pretty much distanced himself from it. The geographical distance helps too, and he's not keen on taking reader on a vacation to Austria, for example. But he will open up about his past if and when he sees it's safe to do so. Sadly enough, the thing that bugs him the most about it is he fears he might look weak in reader's eyes. He's been in a survival mode for so long that he doesn't quite understand that he was a child at the time, and should've received love and care.

Btw I totally got inspired by @random-thot-generator 's gospel truth on how König's first kill was his own father! Also the Conan t-shirt as his (first) mask is my canon now

[gloryundimmed]

Get to know the mun ! repost, don’t reblog .

——— BASICS.

NICK NAME : Gray/Grayson

PRONOUNS : He/him

ZODIAC SIGN : Aquarius— fits me, right?

TAKEN OR SINGLE : Single, but a flirt and I'm sorry

ANYTHING ELSE ? : Nah I'm just chillin'

——— THREE SERIOUS FACTS.

I currently make money off of freelancing in web design and graphic design. I've worked for four literary journals now in some capacity, and I usually take the roll of web editor/graphic designer plus a reader. I'm also the web editor for my school's newspaper. My hands are always full, but that's the way I like it. I like commotion and stimulation.

I tend to keep people at an arms length even if I don't mean to, so if I ever feel distant, I apologize. I can just get weird when I'm too attached to someone, and I hate that feeling. Though it comes back to bite me in the ass because sometimes I feel like I have a ton of friends and I'm very social and love people, but I've got no "best friends."

I've got ADHD, which in my case means that I say yes to anything new and shiny despite how busy I may be. Sometimes I can be bad at gauging how much I can do at once, which leads to things slipping off my plate. Plus, the executive dysfunction is real af and I sometimes need a kick in the ass to get things done. Sorryyyy but you love me, right?

——— THREE RANDOM FACTS.

I have a dog named Romeo and I love him soooooo much

Death and knowing I'll die one day doesn't really scare me. Not that I want to die or anything, but letting people down scares me much, much more. It's my worst fear yet I feel like it happens all the time.

I love attending concerts, and music is a big inspiration for my writing. I'm always listening to something!

——— EXPERIENCE.

I've been into creative writing since I was at least 12, and at that age I began rp on a website called wetpaint.com with an elf OC because I was so into LOTR back then. Shortly after, I made an OC named Jake who I wrote with a lot. Wetpaint was like wordpress, a service where you could create little privately owned websites that could be made for any purpose with a forum/comment-like setup on most pages, and I would write with my in-person friends. I took a bit of a break from rp in my first three years of high school, but still wrote short stories. During my senior year, I got back into the rp scene, but that time here on tumblr. I've been writing here on and off ever since, with the creation of Kai in July 2014. Currently, I'm getting my bachelors in creative writing, so I guess that might count as experience, too. Sometimes I even write fanfiction lmao.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE.

Gosh, idk. I tend to go for a lot of different types of muses as long as they are written well and don't feel empty. I do lean toward more action/fantasy/romance than regular slice of life or platonic stuff, though. The muses I find most interesting have a lot of depth. I tend to find people with 20+ muses on their blog a little intimidating because I can't imagine having so many and it's hard to choose between them all. Also, it may not be true, but sometimes I can't help but think if they have so many, they can't possibly be at the depth that I'm looking for, but I'm probably just wrong on that. I barely have my 6 guys and write Kai the most of all, so it's hard for me to understand.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT.

FLUFF : I think I like cute stuff as much as the next guy. Sometimes I can find it a little boring, though. LMAO

ANGST : I LOVE angst. I love two characters who don't get along or have some sort of friction between them. It's my lifeblood, and that's probably obvious to see since I have a muse like Kai as my main. Conflict, heartbreak, violence, despair— I love it all.

SMUT : Can you guess? Again, with a muse like Kai, I think its clear that writing sex and sexuality is a big part of my journey as a writer. It's not a must-have for me in any rp, but it certainly spices things up and goes hand in hand with angst. Anything you catch me writing solo is bound to have smut in it somewhere, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Sex is such a huge part of life for a lot of people, and I think the Puritan guilt of society has caused many to shy away from it. I strive to be a sex-positive writer. If it's not your bag, though, I can certainly understand that as well.

——— PLOT / MEMES : They don't call me the idea guy for nothing! I love plotting, even if it doesn't always come to fruition or never comes to fruition. Plotting sustains me. It has the thrill of imagining scenes without having to go through the slog of writing them. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy writing, but I don't always have the energy to roll up my sleeves and get to it. I also love memes! Any meme someone sends feels like a love letter to me and my muses. They're great because they can start things off with no plotting required. I send them in as often as I can, but sometimes I'm not around and don't see them.

TAGGED BY : @shishitoren-vc tyvm!! love u

TAGGING: @lured-into-wonderland @incandescentia @eraba-reta-unmei and anyone else who wants to. I chose some people I don't know as well but would like to!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For basically giving up on my cat?

It's been a few years and I actually have gotten minor trauma from this event. But when I graduated high school my dad came back one day with a gift for me: a little kitten. I loved him so much he became my emotional support animal and he naturally would help me come down from psychosis episodes and anxiety/panic attacks. He was my life. A few years ago, my mom moved out of our apartment and displaced me and my partner. We were technically homeless. My grandmother pushed me into staying with her and my partner stayed with his family. I had 2 cats at the time (one elderly and one my esa) but My grandmother hates cats and said she'd kill them if I brought them with me. So they went with my partner. Then my partners family became homeless after they got evicted because the new landlord wanted new tenants. They didn't do anything wrong, he literally just said, "I want to see new faces and start fresh" so he kicked them out. So I asked a friend of my mom if she could watch my cats. She said yes, but my esa didn't get along with her other cat, so she asked a neighbor to watch him while I figured out something. Two of my friends were moving in together and said, "hey we can take your cats with us that way they have a place to stay where you can see them whenever you want" cuz we literally have a key to their apartment and are allowed to go over whenever for whatever reason. So I talked to my mom's friend and she said "yeah you can take your (elderly) cat back" and no problem. Then she had me message her neighbor to get my ESA back. The neighbor said "no. I found some knots and mats in his fur, which means you're clearly neglecting him so I gave him to my grandson. If you try and take the cat back I'm calling the ASPCA and you'll never be allowed to have a pet ever again". Prior to him going over to there, I had previously actually shaved/trimmed him so I KNOW he didn't have knots/mats. If he did it was because SHE neglected him when he was in her care. Despite the fact that I gave her his entire grooming kit. I even told her, "he's a longhair you need to brush him every day and every few weeks you need to trim him" and she agreed to it. Clearly she never did it and blamed me instead. She said, "it's better he's with my grandson because my grandson is blind and ACTUALLY needs an ESA. you don't need an esa Just because you have anxiety". Readers, I have schizophrenia, autism, and adhd. Diagnosed. My doctor has my cat ON FILE as my ESA. I was at my two younger brothers birthday party, crying my eyes out. But to this day, I keep feeling this absolute guilt that I'm an awful person for not fighting to get my cat back. Last year that same lady texted me telling me I was a horrible pet owner for not even asking how he was doing and just giving up on him. I told her to never contact me ever again. I just thought what's the point? We're getting our own apartment soon but we were homeless for so long that at this point I feel like he probably has a better life now without me. But her saying I was an asshole for not fighting for him makes me cry at night still. I feel like a bad person. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[butmakeitgayblog]

ADHD here, please tell me, teach me, write instruction to how brush and floss your teeth three times a day.

Please.

Do you set alarm clocks? Do you have apps that reminds you? T_T

And no, wisdom teeth ARE NOT easy.

I gotchu

👇👇👇👇

Nope no apps or alarms. It's all less about a schedule, and more just working it into your eating routine. Making flossing and brushing part of your eating process is the easiest way rather than just relying on memory or "oop it's 1pm, gotta brush!" when you may not even eat lunch until 2, you get me?

Here's my process:

1. Brush before you eat breakfast. If you feel a bit nauseous in the mornings, try and sip some water to settle it down, but whatever you do, do not eat or drink anything other than water before your first brush. Why?

Eating softens the enamel! Acidic drinks (coffee, juice, etc) softens the enamel! If you eat/drink and then brush, you are quite literally brushing away your teefie's lil coat of armor!

2. Brush yo damn tongue. I know it sucks. I know you'll gag. It's hell. Do it anyway. I'm suffering with you ✊

3. Don't just go crazy everywhere in there. If you're zigzagging around your mouth like it's Mario kart, you're missing spots. I brush in sections to guarentee coverage. Top right molars - front, bottom, back, back edge. Bottom right molars - front, top, back, back edge. Etc. In total, six sections each brushed exactly the same.

I'm fully aware written down it sounds OCD levels of bullshit, but I promise, it's the same 2-3 minutes spent brushing as usual, just organized and effective rather than pure chaos and a prayer of plaque removal 🥴

Also, don't brush too hard. If your bristles are bent and smooshed, ease up my god you're brushing away the enamel by force 😳

4. After you brush and spit - Do. Not. Rinse.

Don't.

Put the water down.

If at most you have to refresh the tongue from feeling weirdly coated, take a tiny sip of water and gurgle only on the back of the tongue and spit.

I say this because the longer the toothpaste stays on your teeth, the better. You want that flouride and whatnot doing its thing on your enamel and gum line as long as possible, so give it as much time as you can and let your mouth naturally clean it out. It will.

5. Floss after every meal. Every one. It will become a habit and you'll start to hate the feeling of not flossing after. Floss after snacks!!! If it's solid food, floss. Period. Flossers can and will become your best friend because they are so convenient. I love them, I just keep a few in the zipper part of my wallet and whenever I'm out, I can (and do) floss on the go.

Side note, there is a right and wrong way to floss. So, be mindful of that.

6. Other than morning time, brush after meals when you can, HOWEVER!!!! WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES (see part 1.) In those 20 minutes after you finish eating, drink water and thoroughly swish it around your mouth to help dilute the acid sitting on your teeth. Floss during this time as well to get the crud out from between your teeth so it's not just sitting there. If you're out in public or at a job where you can't brush after lunch, brush as soon as you get home. Literally take off your shoes, hang up your coat, kiss your pet (or spouse or... idk houseplant) hello, and then go brush.

8. After your final brushing of the day, eat or drink nothing else but water. Nothing.

Look at me

Nothing else ಠ_ಠ

If you do want to eat or drink again, gonna have to wait 20 min and brush again 🤷‍♀️

So you see, it's less about a schedule and more just working the act of brushing and flossing into your normal eating routine. Make the two synonymous. Make it part of your meal process. Eat. Floss. Rinse with water. Wait, then brush.

Important*****

For those who have days when they cannot mentally or physically make themselves brush, listen to me. I understand. It's ok. Believe me, I do know more than I ever say on here. But don't do nothing. If that is you, keep a small bottle of listerine next to your bed/chair so you can swish and spit. Buy a bag of flossers and keep those near you to at least floss. Buy those little one use brusher sticks/a clean rag and toothpaste and use those. If that's the best you can do, there's no shame in that. I promise your future self will be so, so grateful for these little things, because even a little is better than nothing. And in the end you deserve to have your mouth feel fresh, even when you yourself don't have the spoons to do much else.

[timelessxmemories]

LORD KARL HEISENBERG ; THE MECHANIC.

— Transatlantic & German.

— Smells strongly of smoke & gunpowder.

— Shades are typically only worn for working under bright lights.

— Handwriting is practically unreadable, prefers to use voice recordings.

— Not extremely fond of physical affection unless forced or absolutely necessary.

— Not used to being around a lot of people, which leads into isolation and a constant feeling of loneliness.

— Used to being alone, not used to social interactions, may come off much harsher then intended.

— Possessive over partners, friends & family, afraid someone may take them away one day.

— Eyes are a shade of honey-brown.

— There's a specific scar across my back during the experiments, it extends from my left shoulder blade down to the middle of my lower back.

— Thousands of scars all over, even in places where there shouldn't be scars.

— A ton of pent up anger that developed over the years.

— Was taken at the age of 16, I am now 140. 124 years too long.

— I don't remember my family or my life before this one. Then again, there's probably not much to remember.

— First language was German, forced to speak English when I was taken, this resulted in me forgetting almost all of my native language.

— When I first met Ethan Winters, I fully believed that he was my salvation, that if I could team up with him, I could finally get the Hell out of this shithole. But I was wrong. He turned me down and left me behind with no hesitation.

— Fine, fine. Trans Masc. I performed my own top surgery. I was originally taken in to be a lady, but then out of spite and anger I referred to myself as a lord, I then realized "oh, I actually like being referred to as a dude", and here I am now. Yep. Fun times.

— Don't ask me when the Hell my birthday is, I wouldn't know.

— Despite Ethan turning his back on me, I still felt at least a little obligated to help him out of there, even if he wouldn't help me. So I helped him without his knowledge. Every little trap, every little inconvenience, was to try and get him the Hell out of there with his daughter. Even if it meant he killed me in the end. As long as he and his daughter got out of there, and as long as Miranda was taken down.

— Realized what "bisexual" was when I met Ethan as stupid as it sounds. I didn't do nothin' about it though. Didn't think it was important.

— Autistic with ADHD and BPD, don't like to label myself, but come on, it's damn obvious.

— He/Him pronouns.

— Made my own fidgets with whatever materials I could get my hands on or whatever was laying around the factory. Gave one of them to Ethan at some point.

— I'm used to a lot of noise and auditory and visual stimulation, but I do get overwhelmed easily. I gotta be fidgeting with my hands at all times.

— Started smoking cigars to distress myself, it became an addiction, I couldn't stop, so here I am, still smokin' em.

— I have major texture issues, there's just certain textures, such as felt, that I literally can't touch without gagging. Some textures are just god-awful. Like glitter. I hate glitter. Why was it even made? Couldn't they have made something shiny that wasn't glitter?

— I've developed a lot of muscle from being in the factory so often and working with machines and shit. But I've still got what people like to call a: "dad bod".

— Not exactly the touchy-feely type, but I try.

— Also not super affectionate, but again, I try. But don't get all sappy on me, and if you do, don't expect it in return.

-> @satyrsystem , @spareeees , @the-wammys-house

[mapplesand]

i'm gonna yap about Morbid Minds once again because i can but I just wanna talk about the themes and what I talk about in the story because it may be interesting idk

writing actual people and real life shit

what i try to keep in mind when writing the story is that I want to tell a realistic story about a bunch of weird teens and I will absolutly not shy away from every details that may be seen as taboo or too much

because i feel like we've seen a way too polished version of story about teens like come on, nobody is perfect let them be actual loser, let them say stupid shit, learn from it and do better, let's them be absolute weirdo and get smacked for it, god have you seen high school dudes, they're like fucking menace and they say weird shit all the time, why not show that

plus it's funnier to write character who will say and do unhinged things, why do fantasy writers get a pass in writing morally gray characters but suddenly it looks weird when you do it in contemporary fiction (yeah, i know it hit closer to home and you have to be more careful with what you write, but let's make story about weird people in modern days too you know)

putting outcast on the spotlight (and the neurodivergent experience)

and then there's the obvious reason why I called the story "morbid minds", the fact that I chose to write about character like Marco who are troubled teen, the kind that you wouldn't want to meet in real life, the kid teacher don't want to deal with because they think he's a lost cause

basically the abused victim nobody care about because they're not reacting the "appropriate" way for a victim, the kind that is actually violent and gets into fight, and I feel like people with bad coping mechanism and with a "difficult" personality are either not represented or demonized for having these emotions and not knowing how to deal with them, how about we gave those people a story that treat them with humanity for once

Marco isn't your typical main character because he's basically a bitch and a weirdo, there's a reason why people think he's a school shooter lol some of you guys would probably call him that too if you went to school with him (because we're all capable of being bullies in some ways) but I feel like this makes it more interesting to follow, I mean, people want flawed characters right ? so here you go, have a weirdo who likes guns and beating up people, who can't communicate or hate himself so much he thinks he's not worth loving, have that guy who stalks girls before getting hit with being bisexual and not knowing how to process that information while dealing with toxic masculinity, i mean you get the gist

also, my story relies a lot on neurodivergent and queer experience for example Marco has ADHD but the most notable one are Tristan and Tyler who are autistics

and again, even if we're getting more autistic rep (finally) we're still a long way from the variety of autism experience, that's why I chose to gave some space for my weird autistic and their weirdass special interest lol Tristan often forget that he exists and has a special interest on school shooting, the movie Elephant and had a huge horror phase (creepypasta, horror movies, gore) like of course he sounds more sane than Marco but that's mostly because he went through shit and had to be the bigger person in his own life or else everything would have fell apart, but he's very much as strange as Marco, he's the one that stayed with him after all

Tyler got the actual offputting autism, the one that makes you stare at people with a straight face, the one where people are scared of you because you never smile (but it's just your normal face) he's pretty blunt in all the wrong ways, doesn't social properly and never say the right thing at the right time, he has no shame when he's with people he trusts and can often break boundaries if no one tell him exactly what he's not supposed to do

and all those experience matter to me as a writer because they're all under represented in media because there's really not a lot of neurodivergent stories lol (and also it matters to me as i am also a weird autistic guy, i'm not pulling all of this out of nowhere, i share a lot of traits with Tristan and Tyler, hell even if Marco is the opposite of me he still react a lot like a part of myself that would probably be more unhinged if I wasn't just Tristan IRL)

related to the first point, talking about sex but not in a weird way

this may sounds weird as fuck but it's actually really not, i'm aware i'm writing a bunch of high schoolers but that's also the thing, if you've been in school then you cannot tell me you've never heard guys talk about sex, where are you from, another planet ? because i've seen shit in middle school when i was in 8th grade, and god this was a lot (guys in my friends group talking about hentai, i mean you know those things)

so that's why it's related to the first point, writing real life without filter, but what does that mean exactly ? well apart from not censoring problematic shit a 15 yo guy could say (and boy can a 15 say a lot of bullshit), there's also the fucking fact that Marco who is the main character is a porn addict like i can't just put it under the rug, he has problems with masculinity that leads to sexism and then he also watch porn to fill the void because he has depression, that's like, pretty basic experience actually, you don't know how many people fill the void with sex and stuff like that

when i say all this, it's not to be all weird, i'm ace and I think sex is stupid and everyone makes a huge deal about, so I decided hell, i'm gonna talk about it because it's just,,,, a pretty normal thing most people do, it's not a big deal, some people do that, some people don't, who cares, I think we should have less taboo about it just so people can communicate better, that's what i'm trying to do when i talk about sex in the story

it's just an open conversation between the characters, mostly about putting limits, the characters do get frisky here and there but it's never described, what i do is write the dumb shit it may ensure tho, again, because shit happens, you'll get cum on your shirt and here, you go a funny scene about dumb characters and they get a good laugh about it (and it's both a funny scene and a sweet scene in some ways), i mean it's that easy, idk if i'm clear when i'm rambling about my thoughts process there ?? it's just, man people do that and it's not perfect, let's at least talk about it so people feel less embarrassed about it

i'm improvising everything there, sorry if it sounds messy, but i wanna get back to the putting boundaries stuff, because i feel like it's important to show characters that are both talking about it and also being like "hey let's just wait you know" or stuff like that, it's so simple and i don't think we should make a big deal about it, it's just life and i'm putting it in my story, truly that's how i view it, even if the characters suck at communication they can't just do shit without asking and since they're all awkward about it they just need to fucking talk about it even if it's embarrassing and they don't even know what to say

anyway, let's not make a bif deal about sex, it's just sex, it's gonna happen sometimes, teens have sex, it happens, they just need to be able to talk about it or else it will lead to bad decision making and we don't want that in both the real world and in a story

i feel like i'm forgetting a lot here fuck, if I think of anything else i'll probably update it but I think that's already a big chunk of what i think is important about Morbid Minds and why I like writing it so much

[kikizoshi]

youre learning Russian, right? I've also started learning with borrowed textbooks, and the consensus I've seen online is that its not enough, and that a course is necessary. if you don't mind I'd be really appreciative to know how you got where you are and if you think that's true.

Спасибо за помощь (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Unfortunately, I don't really know what I'm doing either. Just kinda stumbling through, and "where I am" isn't all that far. I can only ever be an authority on what helps me learn Russian; in my experience, there's never been a one-to-one, "follow these steps I took to become fluent" method. Everyone has to figure out their own quirks. (And if this isn't true for someone then I'm very jealous of that person.)

I've seen about as many different opinions as there are ways to learn. Some think you need courses. Some think courses are useless. Some like textbooks; others hate them. The one consistent thing seems to be input--everyone agrees you need a lot of comprehensible input (meaning, you understand some of what you're consuming). But is a course necessary? I don't think so. Whether it could be vastly beneficial or a waste of time and money is something that depends entirely on the person's learning style. A resource I've linked further down may help you determine whether it'd help you. I've never taken a course, so I don't have any experience there.

Also: I have ADHD, so everything here is working around that. Motivation is a massive issue for me, and I've generally found that forcing my way through something droll for long periods of time just... isn't something I can make myself do. It burns me out. I try to make everything something I want to do, or at least not very painful. But my methods are also slower and less effective than something more structured.

Comprehensible Input

How I got to it being helpful:

People go on about comprehensible input all the time, and I can see why; it's extremely important. It's what finally moved me from mid-A1 to late-A2. But actually getting to a place where input even can be comprehensible was so horrifically painful for me that for a long while I felt completely inept. So, here's the things I did, in order, that I think helped:

A0-A1 (not helpful yet)

Duolingo + Twitter: Don't get me wrong--I hate Duolingo. And non-fanart Twitter. But it was a great combination for learning Cyrillic. I used Duolingo's earliest levels to get familiar with Cyrillic and some very basic words. Concurrently, I followed some Russian fanartists on Twitter who also posted text posts frequently, and turned notifs on for them. That made it so that 3-5 times a day, I would get a notification for a post in Russian, and I would practise reading/sounding out Cyrillic. I wasn't too focused on understanding what the post was saying, just getting a familiarity with the alphabet.

Memrise + Anki: Pain. God, so much pain. This was the worst. Necessary and effective, but the absolute, God-forsaken worst. Once I felt comfortable enough with Cyrillic, I started working through two decks: a. Memrise: vlarya's 10k most common Russian words deck. It goes in order of most to least common, has audio, and has typing practise. This replaces Duolingo. (When Memrise inevitably removes community courses altogether, feel free to ask for a backup of this deck. If I'm still on here by then, I should be able to give my backup that works with Anki.) I don't recommend Memrise's official courses. b. Anki: Neri's Russian Sentences (blog link) deck is great for practising the simple words you're learning with Memrise, getting common phrases down, and starting to see how Russian as a language comes together. It'll take a bit to click. c. keybr: I also started practising a little with keybr, mainly because having to type in Russian on Memrise sucks with the on-screen keyboard. keybr is the best site I've found to learn to touch type different keyboards. It's extremely effective. If you're already a touch-typer, a few hours should be enough to type well enough for Memrise.

YouTube: Russian With Max's 'For Beginners' Playlist was really helpful and motivating, at this point. He speaks slowly, simply, and clearly enough that I could understand him, where I couldn't understand anyone else yet.

I... God, I hate the A0-A1 stage so much. You can't do anything. At least now, I can watch TikToks, read comments, enjoy memes, and understand enough of those to enjoy myself. The stage where you understand nothing is by far the most awful to me. I wish I had anything to make it more bearable, but it's really just the worst. Hopefully you're either past this already, or close to past it. The small mercy is that it doesn't take too long to claw your way out of.

A1-A2 (helpful now)

[Active Immersion] Memrise + Reading/Watching (comp input): keep working through vlarya's 10k deck. My routine is: speed review due cards; finish the 10 cards I started learning yesterday; start learning 10 new words today. That's my reps and warmup. Then, depending on my mood, I'll either read at least 30 mins of 'Дом, в котором...' (with or without audiobook, again depending on mood), or watch at least 30 mins of Max's intermediate vids w/ Russian subtitles. Sometimes in my free time I'll watch Russian lit or ДВК TikToks.

[Passive Immersion] Music/Audiobooks/Let's Plays: pretty self-explanatory. My passive input isn't as comprehensible rn, but I focus on things I enjoy. A let's play to fall asleep to, an audiobook while I'm doing something that requires on-and-off focus. The goal here is just to understand snatches of whatever I can, not so much the whole thing. Eventually, those snatches become more frequent.

I'm sure more dedicated study would help me a lot right now, but I don't really have the time or motivation to, so I don't try to force it.

Regarding Russian language learning YouTube channels, and why I only recommend Max:

I've found that most popular Russian learning YouTube channels feel... well, like school. They're not very interesting, they don't feel very organic. It doesn't feel like I'd be watching their videos for any other reason than learning Russian, which is bad for me, because I need to make Russian part of my life to have any motivation to do it.

So, the reason I like Max's channel so much is that he talks about things that're actually interesting and relevant to me. This video is a personal favourite, but he has a lot of videos about all sorts of topics--some of which I'm genuinely interested in. And his demeanour is more vlogger, less teacher. I like him as a person. (Protip: in this stage, don't be afraid to start his intermediate videos early, even if you don't feel you're there yet. It can still be very helpful to pick out the words you do know, and most of his videos have Russian and English subtitles if you're confused.)

Regarding how to find a good Russian book to read:

I... don't know. Reading ДВК with the audiobook really, really helped with my reading ability, and continues to. I can't state enough how important it was for me. But how to find a book that you can read over and over again... I don't know. I just know that Harry Potter would be absolute torture.

I've seen people say that you should start reading simple things, like children's stories. I personally haven't done much of that, because children's stories bore me out of my mind, but if you like them then I'd give that a shot. I've also heard that Chekhov's stories are good for beginners (I've heard that about Pushkin too, but I'm not sure how easy poetry would be to understand). Read-alongs on YouTube could be good too. Russian With Max has some old livestream read-alongs, and there are plenty of Russian read-alongs on YouTube.

Aside - if you're curious about 'Дом, в котором...', this fan-made trailer is the entire reason I picked up ДВК; the vibes captivated me and I had to know what it was about. So for anyone interested: if the trailer looks cool to you, you may like the book. The English translation is called 'The Gray House'. ДВК is fairly long, and different POV characters have differing levels of complexity with the language. The early chapters are the simpler ones, conveniently, so starting from the beginning should be fine. It's a slice-of-life type story, so easy to pick up and put down. I recommend the Князев audiobook, which is almost certainly the one you'll find if you search 'дом в котором аудиокнига' (it's a fan-made audiobook, so I don't think you can buy it, but like LOTR the fan version is by far the best).

Resources

r/languagelearning's resources page is a good place to skim through, see if anything sticks out. I recommend reading through their 'How to Teach Yourself a Foreign Language'. It's good for giving you an idea of how different people learn, different learning methods, how those methods work for others, and what might work for you.

Refold's Roadmap is very helpful for me to understand where I'm currently at, and what sort of activities it would be beneficial for me to be working on. I use their definition of levels (i.e. A1), so if I wasn't clear what I meant by A1 vs A2, reading through this could be helpful.

SRS:

Anki's for decks I have to create myself, or if I need a more specialised deck. I prefer Memrise for vocab, mainly for typing practise and the better UI. If you want to use Anki for vocab: Refold's ru15k deck is good for A2+. There are plenty of simple word decks to pick from for A0-A1. If you want to word mine to create your own Anki decks, see FLTR below.

Grammar:

New Penguin Russian Course is supposed to be good for grammar. I looked through it, and it does look good. If you understand grammar. I don't, but putting it here for those who do.

Reading:

u/La_Nuit_Americaine's post about reading helps me with motivation, and gave me some pointers about how to do it.

FLTR (Foreign Language Text Reader) is a good Windows program alternative to LingQ, if you can't or don't want to pay for LingQ's subscription. You have to input the word definitions yourself. I used Reverso and Yandex Translate together for this. Your word list can be exported to Anki.

ReadLang is supposed to be a good web-based alternative to LingQ (its free level is still usable, unlike LingQ's). I've not used it much, but it seems pretty good. My preference is using some translation extension that will let you click on a word and automatically translate it and move on quickly. Simple Translate on Firefox is what I use.

Video Media:

Language Reactor is a subtitle extension for YouTube, Netflix, etc. that has a bunch of cool features. I hardly use it because it's not on Firefox, but if you use Chrome, Opera, etc., it's really handy. For YouTube, it will translate the auto-generated subs for videos, so if you have a Russian video that only has Russian auto-generated subtitles, you can use Language Reactor to get English subtitles.

Other ADHD Accommodations:

Being kind to myself is very important. I can't make myself study by thinking "why can't you just" or "it's not that hard, what's wrong with you". I can't make myself study with positive words either, but using positive language helps my morale so that I have more motivation to study more often.

I use a different browser (Opera) solely for learning Russian. I chose Opera because Language Reactor works on it (would've used Chrome but Chrome is set up for work), but the general idea is having a separate space for Russian. I put Opera's language in Russian, and I keep all my Russian-learning tabs open there, so that when I'm ready to study it's as simple as opening Opera. Having it separated like that also helps my brain see active study as a task that can be opened and closed, rather than combined with everything else (Firefox).

I try to give myself enough options of things to do for immersion that it's always a choice. My brain has so many different states: motivated; unmotivated; foggy; clear; distracted; focused. Each one will want--or even need--something different. If it's a foggy day, I may be able to read along ДВК with an audiobook, but not able to read words without that help. If I'm distracted, TikToks may help more than reading; if I'm focused, reading may help more than TikToks. Or if I'm completely unmotivated, watching one of Max's vids is more passive than reading, therefore less painful.

I love Russian. Not much to this one. I don't think I could stick to learning a language I didn't love for the sake of the language itself.

I wasted time and motivation watching things I wasn't interested in, trying to find media in Russian that appealed to me. I don't recommend that. I don't know the alternative, but I always felt horrible about myself after. It's important to have media you like, but forcing it won't work. Russian movies don't interest me. Everyone else's favourite Russian YouTubers don't appeal to me at all. TikTok is much better for me in that regard, because I can search for specific fandoms that interest me. Luck seems to be the only thing that works for finding good YouTubers.

Textbooks are my kryptonite. I can't use them. They drain motivation so fast. If they work for you, that's great. If they don't, I don't know that forcing it is the solution. It wasn't for me.

I scroll language learning subreddits sometimes for motivation. It's not productive, generally. But it's fun. And I do get some ideas sometimes.

I've mostly accepted that my progress is going to be slower than others. I'm trying not to compare myself. I'm enjoying it now, mostly, learning slowly but learning, and each time I reaffirm that that's okay, it becomes truer.

[hot-take-tournament]

Omg the reblog person is so real for that. I understand that Tumblr doesn't have an algorithm so liking doesn't functionally do anything but I get extremely anxious about reblogging so the guilt trips are really awful for me (and I assume it's the same for others with similar issues.)

Uh- bit of a tangent/rant below. For context I'm an "Audhd-er" (I think that's the term people use, it means I'm autistic and I have ADHD)

I understand most of the time they are over-exaggerating their feelings on the matter. In posts about reblogging stuff from writers and artists it's always kind of a "LIKES DO NOTHING SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH REBLOGS LIKES MEAN NOTHING"

I've always found that a bit odd. As someone with two mutuals (one of whom is rarely online) and 1 normal follower my reblogs really aren't gonna do much so I mostly reblog stuff my mutuals might like and occasionally make my own posts. (Keeping everything else private for the most part) When I get a like it always brings a warm fuzzy feeling because it means someone enjoyed my reblog or post enough to share with me that they liked it.

I've only had one post that breached containment and it was a fun weekend of checking out the blogs of people who liked it! All in all I think maybe people are just unaware of the anxieties that come with being online and the people who experience those anxieties are too anxious to really speak up about it. I mean look at me I'm chilling behind an anon mask rn (I rarely send an off anon ask lol.)

For a website dubbed by its users as the neurodivergent website, some people forget to consider that learning and working within the culture of a social media platform can be extremely stressful for many types of people, let alone an autistic person such as myself (the ADHD doesn't help either). Some of us would prefer to lurk in our private blogs, only coming out of our comfort zone when we feel ok to do so.

All in all, a reminder to reblog is perfectly fine, but please refrain from the guilt-tripping and social obligation type of thing— or at least be aware of it and try not to be offended if one of your mutuals struggles to reblog.

Now this is all my personal perspective, other people will likely have completely different experiences but I wanted to share in case people were confused on why it's an issue for some people. Thanks for reading this whole thing and I hope you have a lovely day <3

I think I get what you're saying -

For a lot of people it genuinely takes a surprising amount of guts to put themselves out there on the internet in any way, even if it's anonymously, and that includes things as simple as reblogging a post.

It's not just Tumblr either. You also see it on Reddit and Twitter, and in online games where people just want to keep to themselves and not interact with strangers. Some people just want to lurk, maybe liking or upvoting, but not commenting or reblogging, because that feels like making yourself more "visible" somehow, in a way simply liking posts doesn't.

It's difficult to put into words, but I feel it's kind of like being in a university lecture with 50+ strangers. Liking is sitting in the back quietly taking notes. Reblogging is like putting your hand up and giving an opinion when the professor asks for one.

It's true that only reblogging actually contributes anything functionally, but there are plenty of people, especially neurodivergent people, who might struggle with that kind of thing, but still want to show some appreciation, or just save it as a bookmark.

So, I think that's partly why that kind of guilt-tripping or threatening reblog bait can be so stressful. Tumblr is a comfort app for a lot of people, who just want to curate their own little private space. Reblog baits are like someone banging on your door, telling you that you're actively doing something wrong by keeping to yourself, and (in the case of "I'll block/unfollow you if you like/read but don't reblog" baits) people will hate you for doing it.

It also implicitly takes away the sense of control you have over your own personal online space. Ideally, you should be able to do whatever you want with your own blog - no one should dictate your own online experience. So, if you just want to reblog things you like or want to share, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

But reblog baits seem to suggest that you shouldn't have that control, and there are certain things that you have no choice but to put on your blog, and it has to be right now. And I feel that sense of having control suddenly snatched away from you without warning could also be a major source of anxiety for a lot of people who see Tumblr as a source of comfort.

With all that in mind, while I do believe that it's not quite this simple, considering artists and writers, and especially those who rely on commissions, do need exposure from reblogs, I also feel it's difficult to blame people for finding very aggressive reblog baits stressful, especially when you're suddenly blindsided with them.

At least, those are just my initial thoughts based on what you said, but absolutely let me know if you disagree with any of this or feel I misrepresented what you meant <3

[t4t4t]

Trying to tell Collie to focus in the grocery store got interpreted as being rude and I just immediately left the store the way Eddie looked at me. Then he tried talking to me in the car and I didn't really feel like talking but he was demanding responses that I understood him. He seemed to interpet so much not wanting to talk or responding "wrong" as "childishness" and said as much in like ten different ways and said I couldn't ask to use the car anymore. I suppose I need to apologize for.... being misinterpreted as rude and not wanting to talk being misinterpreted as "childishness."

We went to the adhd check in appointment today, I can't get stimulants prescribed from that clinic because I told them I used K and I'd have to wait a whole year to get prescribed stimulants, unless I find another prescribing clinic in that time. Eddie had a recommendation of where to go that wouldn't say that to me, I guess. I guess I wouldn't have known prior but goddamn.

My foot still hurts to walk on. I should just have waited in the car in the first place, I waited outside sitting on the ground. Maybe he shouldn't have come at all, he couldn't contribute much, they were already committed and couldn't be convinced.

I feel unloved, it feels like my presence here is more precarious than Collie's... I'm not sure how much Eddie or Alina seem to like me but it's probably less than Collie... Collie waffles still every day on whether she'll spontaneously call me a creep or a loser or that she loves me. I doubt I'll be kicked out but being told I can't ask to be driven somewhere in that car seems bad.

He kept on saying he feels the need to give me advice he feels he shouldn't have to give as a younger person to someone who's older than him, which just like. Wtf. Why this whole framing. Dammit. I don't have many older friends. :/ I don't really have any real friends irl, maybe Mara will want to hang out again but it's been ages, maybe Violet will but it's been ages. Ophelia doesn't seem to like me. Idk.

Yalls warm messages was the highlight of my day I guess. Anon hate just as we got home and just after Eddie told me the thing about the car felt really awful but yeah. Thanks.

I wonder how serious that was. He told me I should get used to the bus all snarkily.

Yknow I haven't came a single time since we've been here ? They barely touch me at all. Collie sometimes fools around with me with clothes on but she wants me to top 80% and I can't get hard anymore. I've tried twice and neither went well. Not that I want to, I want a vaginoplasty and I don't want phallus preserving. I barely masturbate and I barely like it when I do. I hope it happens this year but it might not. :/

She asks me to get clean sometimes for anal which I haven't done in so long... I don't feel like the room is fully ours to ask to commandeer. Eddie's been fucked more than anyone else, but I'm not even entirely sure that's his preference, just how it's worked out so far. Alina and I have kissed, and Eddie and I have kissed, but that's been it so far with both of them. Eddie and I have given each other hickies but he hasn't done it in a week. Idk. None of us have felt the best this past week but it sure felt lonely.