#don't get me started on how sharing people's works helps bring in the money down the line even if all you did was reblog something

[herssian]

i don’t know where the notion that if you don’t give big bucks to an artist then you’re not really supporting them came from, but when people say even a tiny bit of monetary support saves an artist, it’s not for the aesthetic or the gesture of it all. i’ve been able to have actual drinking water on days i’ve been incredibly broke simply because someone bought a brush pack for 2 euros. in the most actual, literal way i could possibly convey this: the SMALLEST amount counts. in practice counts. people-get-to-eat-today counts. especially in this age of everyone and their mother being out to deplatform artists. there’s value in the tiniest of ways

[musings-of-a-rose]

Not Without You

Pairing: Lucien De Leon x f!reader (nickname: Poppy)

Word Count: 2800+ 

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Listen. I saw that clip of him making out in The Uninvited. That's it. That's the explanation. This is not betad. This one is for the sluts.

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Lucien Masterlist

--------

I get out of my car, staring up at the ridiculous mansion in front of me. The sound of the ocean, just out of sight behind the giant home, is soft and gentle in my ears, calming me. Giving me a little mental boost before I sigh, smoothing down my dress. I make my way to the front door, weaving between a few cars that were parked out front. Expensive cars.

It's not that I'm jealous of my childhood friend. Emilia deserves to be happy and she's happy that she married money. Some fancy producer out here in LA that fell for her big eyes and bright smile the second he saw her.

But that doesn't mean I wanted to come to one of her dinner parties, having to schmooze and pretend to be interested in what everyone has to say. I've been here before, met the people, fucked the party boy actor that eventually broke me, and yet here I am, unable to say no to Emilia.

I raise my hand to knock, dreading what the evening will bring but the door flies open before my knuckles touch anything. Emilia stands before me, a few rollers still in her hair, stress all over her body.

"Poppy, you're early! Thank GOD!" She pulls me inside and hugs me, the door closing heavy behind me.

"I always come early because you need me," I smile as she chuckles, lightly punching my arm. "What can I do to help?"

"You're angel, I swear! Can you make sure the table settings are right? There's extra silverware in the-"

"I know, Emilia. Everything like normal?" I'd been to so many of her parties, I know exactly what the set up is.

She nods, her smile growing wider. "Keep it simple and classy. You know me!"

I nod. "So what kind of party is this one? Another schmooze for Mr.?"

She waves her hand. "Yeah something like that. He's meeting with a bunch of actors for some upcoming project. He's hand selected them."

"Cool."

Emilia thanks me again before running off to finish getting ready. I pause for a moment, looking around trying to remember where the dining room is. I head down the hall and into what I think is the dining room. It turns out I remembered correctly, my eyes roaming over the table and making small adjustments to the settings already there. I end up pulling out more silverware, fixing them to Emilia's standards. I hate that I know this stuff, but I've saved her ass more times than I can count at these things so it helps to know what to expect.

As I work, my mind goes back to all the parties past. The ones she brought me to when she first started dating the producer several years ago. She had been so nervous, as if the producer wasn't already head over heels for her. That's where I met-

No. Not going down that road again. I can't do that to myself.

I shake my head and finish the settings, adding some minor touches to the decorations and finally lighting the candles. A knock at the door brings me out of my head and I walk over to answer it. An older gentleman stands there, putting out a cigarette with his shoe. He introduces himself as the director. What an ego.

Several people arrive after him, a mix of actors and a screenwriter. They all mingle in the sitting room for a few minutes before Emilia and the producer make their way in, everyone doing introductions.

The producer claps his hands together, looking around. "We're still missing one, but I doubt he'd mind us getting started. Who's hungry?"

Everyone gives their approval but as they move towards the dining room, a knock raps on the front door.

"That should be him. Guess I tried to start too soon!" Polite laughter at the producer as Emilia moves to answer the door, a quick glance in my direction before she disappears down the hall. The producer is telling some little story about a prior movie he was involved in, one I've heard a zillion times. But his story is short and he motions behind me.

"Just in time! We were about to eat. Welcome, Lucien."

My back stiffens. The room starts to spin my chest heaving. He didn't say Lucien. Did he? Maybe it was another Lucien. It couldn't be my Lucien? No. He's not my Lucien. He made that very clear when he wanted to continue partying and I wanted to settle down.

"Perfect! I'm starving."

Fuck. There was no mistaking that voice, the one that sets my skin ablaze, makes warmth pool between my thighs, the one that told me he needed to focus on his career and couldn't be with me. Not in the way I wanted him.

A small hand on my elbow squeezes me and I know it's Emilia, gently guiding me towards the dining room.

"I'm sorry, Poppy. He invited him and I didn't make the connection until the last minute."

"You couldn't have given me a heads up?" I yank my arm from her grip and swallow hard. I can't let him see how he makes me feel. He doesn't deserve that. I turn, letting the others file past me until he stops in front of me.

"Poppy. I..I didn't know you'd be here."

I'm determined to show him how much better off I am, that he means nothing to me now. I look up into his eyes and all of my resolve goes completely out the window. Were his eyes always that big? That round? So soft? I want to yank him to me by the thin chain around his neck, press my lips to his and never let go.

Way to show him, Poppy.

"I didn't know you'd be here either."

A silence stretches between us, a heavy, loaded silence. His eyes soften the longer he looks at me and is that regret I see? No. I'm projecting. But then he offers me his arm, taking me completely by surprise.

"We can be adults. Shall we?"

Don't do it. Don't take his arm, Poppy. Don't do it, don't do it, don't-

My fingers close on his offered up arm. "I'm sure this is a great opportunity for you."

Fuck, he's still warm. His skin smooth where my fingers touch him. Way to go, Poppy.

He escorts me into the dining room and I feel Emilia's eyes glued to us. He pulls out my chair and I sit, him scooting the chair in behind me before walking around the table, looking for his name card. Which was conveniently placed directly across from mine.

The producer clears his throat after everyone sits and starts making some speech about the project, about handpicking everyone here, blah blah blah. I zone out, trying to use my peripheral to steal glances at him. It's been several years since that night we split, the yelling match that had devolved into quite possibly the hottest sex I'd ever had. No, don't think about that. I need a better look so I turn my head to take a drink and chance a glance at him, only to find him already looking at me, still with the soft eyes. I nearly choke on my drink, managing to swallow it and clear my throat.

He finishes his speech and everyone claps politely, starting to eat and talk amongst themselves. I sit, deciding to choose silence while eating but then Lucien looks directly at me.

"So, what do you think?"

"Uh what?"

Fuck him with those big, stupid eyes.

He gestures towards the producer with his fork. "The project."

"Oh. Well I'm not involved so," I shrug. "I'm just here for Emilia."

He chuckles. "How many rollers were in her hair this time?"

I laugh, my body betraying me. "Four."

"But seriously. A good project?"

"I think..I think it's an honor he hand picked you. I'm not sure what the project itself is, but I'm sure it would be great for your career."

His eyes study my face as I take a bite of my food. "It's not always about the career though."

Anger surges up through me. "Isn't it?"

"How are we doing over here?" Emilia had walked up, cutting off whatever Lucien was about to say to defend himself.

"Great, Em. I'm just going to get something from the kitchen." I set my napkin on the table and push my chair back, Emilia giving me the smallest squeeze to my arm before I turn and head into the kitchen, the door closing behind me and effectively cutting off the sounds of the dinner party.

I lean over the kitchen island, my hands splayed out over the cool marble, trying to calm myself down. I hear the door open, the chatter from the party momentarily loud again before the door swings shut and it's quiet again.

"Em, I'm fine. Really. He just...caught me by surprise. I can hold it in."

"What if I don't want you to hold it in?"

My head snaps up, meeting his gaze, embarrassment making my skin heat up. "Oh. I thought you were Emilia."

Lucien takes a few steps towards me, the light glinting off the thing chain around his neck. "You didn't answer my question."

I stand up straight, crossing my arms. "We've done this dance before, Lucien. It didn't end well."

He smirks and I want to slap him. "I think it ended just fine. In the doorway, on the floor, in the front yard. I had to move my neighbors were too jealous."

My body betrays me with a small smile at the memory but then I reign it in. "I'm still not paying for that end table."

He's closer now. When did he move closer? Almost close enough to touch. His voice is low and raspy. "I'd destroy every end table on this planet if it meant having you under me again."

Fuck. Me.

I turn away from him, not giving him the pleasure of seeing what he does to me. "Flattering. But you made it very clear I was not number one in your life."

"I was stupid. I guess I needed to prove to you, to myself, that I could actually do this acting thing."

Finally composing myself, I turn to face him. "And how'd that work out for you?"

His eyebrows furrow together. "Have you not seen any of my films?"

I had. I had seen them all. I know I shouldn't have, that it wasn't helping me get over him. But Lucien has this pull, this hold on me I've never been able to fully shake.

"Some. But I'm asking your opinion. Off camera."

His jaw ticks a moment before he takes a swig from the glass I only just realized he was holding. "It brought me here."

I scoff. "Yeah, the producer hand picking you is actually a very high honor. I'd be-"

"No, you misunderstand." He shakes his head and sets his glass down on the counter. "I lied earlier."

It was my turn to furrow my eyebrows. "When? You've lied to me a lot."

"Earlier, when I said I didn't know you'd be here. I knew, well...more like hoped you'd be here. Knew it was a long shot but the only way you'd talk to me again."

My heart was racing, nearly bouncing out of my chest as he takes another few steps right into my personal bubble, my lower back against the counter. "I already told you I'm not replacing that end table."

He's right in front of me, the warmth from his body radiating onto mine. "I was a fool, Poppy. I..I love you."

I've waited years to hear him say those words to me again, to hear him actually mean them. To hear them not sandwiched between things like "but I have to focus on my career".

His lips are so close to mine, his breath fanning over my face.

"You broke my heart, Lucien."

"I know. I'm sorry. Let me put it back together."

"Lucien, I-" but he cuts me off with the softest touch of his lips I've ever felt, a whole slew of emotions flooding my body, including the one pooling between my legs.

"I can't do this without you, Poppy."

"Do this?"

"Life. I don't want to do it without you."

Fuck.

I grip that chain around his neck and pull him to me, our lips crashing together, his body pressing into mine. But then the counter scrapes across my spine and I jolt, breaking the kiss to gasp in pain. Lucien steps back, offering me his hand.

"Let's go somewhere where we won't break the furniture."

I shouldn't take his hand. I can still back out. But a small voice in the back of my head believes that he means it. That he wants a life with me, wants what I wanted all those years ago. And right now, I'm letting that voice win. I take his hand and he smiles, that smile that makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. He guides me out the back door, past the pool, past the changing tents between the pool and the beach, and down the walkway alongside the neighbors cement wall that leads down to the beach.

He spins me and I laugh, tasting the salty ocean air on my tongue. I back up towards the wall and he follows me, lowering himself to my level. His large hands wrap around my hips, gliding down to cup my ass, and I moan into his kiss, my hand gripping his shirt to pull him closer to me. He kisses me, his tongue sliding into my mouth like it had so many times before. One hand still firmly on my ass, the other slides up my side, cupping my face so tenderly, full of love. He pulls back slightly and looks at me, like he's shocked I'm really here. That he's really kissing me.

"I love you, Poppy. I never should have let you go."

"Then don't let me go. I've always been yours."

He kisses me again, his hips pressing into mine and I can feel him hard, my cunt desperately throbbing, begging to feel him inside me again. Somewhere in my haze of desire, I hear myself begging, whispering pleas in his ear to take me, that I need him inside me before I die. His hands slide my dress up my thighs, reaching under and ripping my underwear in two, tucking them into his pocket. He had ruined so many good pairs of my underwear that way, but I honestly couldn't care less. My fingers fumble with his zipper, but I manage to get it down, reaching in to grip him, a sharp intake of breath when my fingers close around him, pumping him a few times. His hands slide under my ass, lifting me up as he presses me against the wall. He slides into me and the world stops moving, colors are brighter, and I finally feel right, like I'm actually here on this planet. Every thrust of his hips brings him deeper into me, holding me here, holding me to him. His breath comes out in short pants, desperate pleas of love and apologies between our moans as he fucks me against the wall.

And then the light blooming inside me breaks, my head pushing back, my nails digging into his skin, my entire body tingling as pleasure radiates out from where we connect. Lucien follows suit, moaning my name as he spills himself inside of me, pushing as deep as he can. We stay like that for a moment, trying to catch our breaths.

"I want to stay inside of you but my legs are fucking shaking."

I laugh and he yelps, quickly trying to pull out of me as my laughter contracts my body around him. He sets me on the ground and zips his pants as I smoothe out my dress, my laughter slowly fading. I look at him and he looks back at me, his eyes still soft and gentle. He tucks some hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek again.

"I wasn't kidding, Poppy. I was fucking stupied before. I need you next to me. When we're together, I feel...right. like I belong here. I don't think I can face this life without you."

I know it's a possibility this will end the same way it did before, but something in his eyes is different this time. He's had time to think, time to experience life without someone with him. Without me. He's grown, matured - well, matured some at least. But do I want to open my heart back up to him? Knowing that he could shatter it again at any moment?

"I'm still not replacing that end table."

He smiles and it lights up my entire world. "That's ok. I have plenty more furniture we can ruin with our love."

-------

General Taglist:

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[waywardmillennial]

watchergate & where we go from here...

To start at the end, I purchased my annual Watcher TV subscription on April 20th because I wanted to support them when it felt like so many others were not. I'm cancelling another subscription to make this work with my budget, and I'm very happy with this!

Watcher has always made high quality, entertaining content that I love, and I'm happy to support them as they try to grow like they've always wanted to so they can bring on more creators and give us more diverse art.

So, moving forward, I'm going to be posting about Watcher TV when it comes out - spoiler parties with the sexy moots! - and I'll be blocking any and all haters I see. 💜💜💜

(read more bc ofc this got long)

To walk this back and give a little history/context, *ahem* [sotto Byron voice]

April 12, 2024: Watcher announced they had a surprise coming for us in a week's time. The news came in the form of a very spirited ad-read in the Mystery Files s2 finale. And afterwards there were a few blogs posting about it, but I commented to a friend that my dash had been devoid of Watcher posts (oh, how that sweet summer child would grow to long for a day such as that).

There were some corkboard theories, and I broke down the new logo design, but nothing big happened until the following Thursday.

April 18, 2024: I saw the leak for the announcement. It was on reddit and a sock tumblr blog was made sending the link out to people. I didn't post it or share it because it wasn't my news to share. I wanted to wait to see how they were going to explain it.

Maybe I should have said at the time (but it's fine if you don't believe me now I guess) but I was hoping Watcher TV would become like their enhanced Patreon replacement, where the new shows like "Puppet History Karaoke" and "Road Files" would be exclusive, and some other perks like early access. [note: if Apollo is laughing at him right now, I'd kindly request he stuff that red ball somewhere Helios doesn't shine]

I imagined some people would be mad at the streaming news but it didn't prepare me for how bad it would get...

April 19, 2024: Most of us know what happened. The announcement was not well received. Watcher's silence right after wasn't helping, but I don't think many people were willing to give them any grace for their pre-planned trip to the UK and instead demanded answers immediately.

Do I think maybe their announcement could have been timed better? Or maybe given a different tone? Perhaps. But either way what they were trying to communicate was not what people chose to hear, and the response from many viewers was, to choose a very formal phrase here, absolute bonker banana balls insane.

The main anti-streamer "arguments" I saw basically boiled down into these categories:

"high production tv quality content is what they want to make, but we don't want that - we only want them to sit in a blank room and talk to each other with blue and yellow text like the bfu days!!"

"Steven's the one behind all this bc he's rich and greedy and only eats gold"

"they already make enough money off their patreon why are they doing this?? they should have consulted [insert other yt-er here]"

"they've become the capitalist elite that we swore to destroy! so we have to tear them down from their thrones!!"

Even now, feeling better than I have in days, I don't have the energy to say why each of those takes completely misses the point of who they are as a company, as creators, and as human beings. But there are some eloquent posts in my #watchergate tag, or my other post, if you're interested.

April 22, 2024: We got the Watcher update - giving people access to all videos after a month on the new streamer - and that seemed to placate a lot of viewers and those on the fence. But it was also the day I learned about that horrible petition against Steven, and I'd been following all this drama for several days (foregoing some self-care) and so I had a little meltdown...

Even though the new setup is closer to what I'd hoped for like 10 days ago, I hate how we arrived at it. It's shown people that they can bully creators to get them to compromise on their company. In fact, I've seen accounts celebrating this.

Opinions like this have given me trust issues when it comes to the Watcher fandom at large now. As many of my beloved mutuals have said, I'm going to be wary of accounts that follow me and be applying that blocking feature liberally.

I can also only imagine how things like this must have broken some of the trust that the Watcher crew feels for us - fightingfuries really said it best. If they do start distancing themselves on socials and things, I wouldn't really blame them.

I don't have more to say, other than I'm going to support them as much as I can, for as long as they continue to make content. I'm going to send the team a care package. And I hope in time we'll earn back their trust.

Now I'll let Ryan Bergara play me out...

As for the question of why we decided to launch our own platform, when we started Watcher in 2020, we wanted to create shows that we were proud of, that we had ownership over, and that would provide you the caliber of content that we felt you deserved. However, we were finding it harder and harder to stay relevant to advertisers and the constantly changing YouTube landscape. We faced some incredibly challenging decisions. We didn't want to compromise our content to ensure they met advertising requirements. And we definitely did not want to lay people off that have brought Watcher to life behind the scenes. And we didn't want to bring Watcher to a close, which would have happened if we stayed solely on YouTube. - An Update, April 22, 2024

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AiTA for not wanting my friends at my booth anymore?

I (29 F) have been trying to get started as an artist at our local conventions. So I found a few friends willing to booth share so we could split the table cost. I always put the down payment on the table for cons in full.

The first year was really hard. People haven't shown as much interest in my fandom merch as I had thought they would (prints/keychains/etc).

They (25) make bags by hand (non fandom related). They're cute items, but people don't show as much interest in them.

The first year we boothed together they were late to the con, and to when the vendor hall opened, and to when I had set times I needed a break from the booth, and wasn't answering their phone. When they have been on booth duty, they spend all their time on their phone and don't talk to attendees unless people ask them questions.

I had a convo abt how disappointed I was with the lack of communication and them being late months after the con. They said they'd work on it and I tried to make it clear that this was my booth (since it's my money we're gambling with). I didn't mind renting out space on it. I had already promised them they'd have space at the table this year, so I didn't push the issue further, but I made it clear if we were to keep being friends I couldn't be in a position where I relied on them professionally. They said they understood, but we had been drinking when talking abt it.

This year, they were late to set up again. They brought people not involved with the booth to sit with us without asking me. So there was four people and my partner didn't feel comfortable being the fifth even though though my partner was the one that helped with set up the day prior. They were an hr late to dinner plans with us that night with 0 notice for an important phone call (their partner found out abt the DBZ guy dying. That was the importaht call) They didn't show up today until 2 hrs after open today with no notice of what was going on (they're rooming with 2 other people that have my # and were at the booth day 1) supposedly due to a migraine, but I know they drink hard after con closes. They have been there when I needed a break and responded when I asked where they were, they've had matching cosplays with me all con and it's all things I'm into. I can see they genuinely tried compared to last year.

Then my partner thought they heard them complaining about me while I was on lunch break today. (I only got food for my family/SO during the 2 hrs their half of the booth people was MIA. I assumed they were getting their own food in that time. Since yesterday they had food before showing up and didn't want lunch). And I had included them in my paid cosplay shoot without asking for them to chip in.

I spent way more money on the table this year literally the day we drove up to the con (long story, but point is I locked in the space, they weren't involved in getting table space this year) It's turned out better than before against all odds. I broke even day 2 not including their sales.

Then they were talking abt how next year they want more table space to take commissions and bring more stuff and be "more involved" with the table. I don't want that. It's like they don't remember agreeing it was my table at the end of last year.

I'm known for being flat/blunt when I'm upset. And at this point it's gone passed inexpeirience to just not thinking abt this as work.

Last year we agreed they'd give me $50 or what sales they made and this year it looks like they won't sell enough to make it to the $50. If I don't take their cut, I know my SO will be frustrated with me for being a push over and them for not following through on our agreement.

Idk how to firmly establish the boundary that it's my table and I don't want them having any more space/control over it without them saying I'm the asshole. I think it would be shitty to do that after demanding all their sales, but idk when to bring it up. It's also their birthday week this week.

I don't mind renting space, but at this point they don't understand that's what they are doing and I'm kind of done. This is our 2nd year doing this convention together, but my 4th table. My partner's furious with them abt the whole thing. I just want the freedom of making choices with my booth without being disappointed by people who say they care about it, then act like working the booth isn't a job.

AITA? Is there a way to not have them less involved with the booth next year without coming off as an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[bibibbon]

Loved the idea of dabi having to coach Shig... except I can't see him helping Shig at all...they are frenemies, emphasis on the enemy part.

But jokes aside....this make me think how Izu doesn't fit in any group or in any arc. I know I started this with a silly joke but ...when it comes down to it...Izu is not important, not really. There no connection to him nor an attempt.

Shiga in MVA got an army and the entire arc felt smth fro ANOTHER MANGA. There no mention of Izu. "Oh you wanted people to talk his name in every conversation" not that, I wanted people, the villains in this case, to recognize how powerful Izu is as it seems only the villains give credit to Izu.... but it's like he doesn't exist.

Shiga got an army and does .... nothing!

Shiga got money and does.... Nothing!

What happened to Daika is glossed over. We don't even know if Izu saw what happened in Daika (by tv or internet)

And it's a pattern since day 1. Izu is not allowed to really have connections, to bond with people...to grow.

MHA is a story where the mc is sidelined in his own story for no reason and he still gets blame in the story and fandom.

Hey @mikeellee 👋

I see where you're coming from with the whole Dabi and shigaraki are enemies first and friends second but in a situation where shigaraki is well more developed and actually proves and earns his title as the league of villains leader while utilising the MVA resources I feel like he would help Dabi with his revenge.

Hmm the point you bring up about izuku is interesting for sure. To me him not fitting in or not making genuine connections with other characters feels like an unintentional writing mistakes by horikoshi.

In the earlier parts of the series it's evidently clear that shigaraki was really interested and amused by Izuku. The guy literally had a picture of izuku, watched the sports festival and went to izuku for advice (the mall scene) he also showed interest and regarded Izuku's opinion about why people listen to stain and not him. Before shigaraki got the league Izuku was the closest person he could talk to and that simply disappears after he gets the league which is weird because shigaraki doesn't ever get a proper arc that shows him and the league bonding or becoming close rather he just promises them that he won't take away things they like as long as they work for him. Shigaraki in my opinion also doesn't earn the role of leader in the league neither does he do much to earn their trust which is why his line of caring about the league felt so underwhelming to me.

In the earlier arcs izuku and shigaraki had some built up but that was sidelined and even when shigaraki had resources to conduct research on izuku and maybe even reach out he chose not to. The MVA had a lot of potential and it's a shame that horikoshi doesn't tie izuku into it especially because it's not only shigaraki that's interested in Izuku but also toga. The two of them could of looped and included Izuku and we also seem to forget that izuku strangely has a lot of parallels between the villains just in general!!

In my opinion the whole shigaraki and izuku sharing memories thing was a horrible plot point and was used to rush the build up between shig and izuku which was almost non existent at this point. One of my problems with it is that it really doesn't show much of anything from Izuku so all it did was have Izuku learn about shig and not shig also learning about izuku.

Outside of the league Izuku's relationships in general aren't really any better either in terms of development. Izuku could of had a great relationship with various characters but they were either sidelined, not developed enough or overall horribly built.

A lot of the time Izuku only receives recognition from loved ones when he does something for them as evident in the vigilante arc. Also due to the lack of academia and academic/ filler type arcs in the series there really isn't a huge bond with Izuku and the rest of 1A

[botanylobotomy]

Spirit Shops Red Flags

Welcome to the list of Spirit shops Red/Yellow/Green flags post. These posts were Co-written with Katsper, and was also added to with the help of those in the Summoner’s Review server. General list was written with Katsper and expanded points are ones that people shared in TSR. Yellow & Green flags post to come

Please not that due to length some has been put under read more

closed religion species (up to personal values on what is closed or not)

There is a lot of religions and cultures that are closed. Spirits that come from them isn’t meant for people that aren’t of that culture or religious practice. Granted anybody can say “Oh I’m in xyz culture or religion” but it’s just uncomfortable to deal with. And a lot are really unsafe for those not in the religion or culture. Golems for example are of Jewish Culture, there is a whole process of making them and they are very specific to that process. Personally I wouldn't trust somebody selling them because from my personal understanding they are very complex and the one who makes them goes through a very heavy learning process. It’s uncomfortable. Adding, native American spirits are also big for people to sell, lets not do that for MANY reasons.

Straight up dangerous spirits (such as Native american w**s or skinwalkers)

“Spirit xyz can and will kill any human they can so they need a powerful keeper to keep them under control”, why are they thinking this is a good idea? Why are they selling Native american spirits or spirits that just want to destroy whatever they can and kill others. Serious lapse in judgment and a way to get other keepers harmed. Or even non practicing relatives.

over sexualizing spirits

Over sexualized spirits brings the feeling that sex is the only thing that matters and that’s all they are good for. Listings that say that spirit just wants to have sex devalues them as a being that has it’s own feelings, history, or really anything. They basically are advertised as breathing blow up dolls you put no care into.

selling ubis as sex fiends 

Not all Ubis (plural for for succubi and incubi, as well as a gender neutral term for those that don't identify as strictly male or strictly female) are actually interested in sex. It can be seen as a necessity for some, but there's also ones that want the emotional bond before getting down and dirty. It's a really heavy handed misconception.

selling "orphans" or children spirits

Now this was a big no no back when I started getting into online spirit work. Children spirits should be with their parents or adults of their species. If they’re selling orphans means they made no leg work to connect them with an adult spirit of their species so generally left with questions. Think of it like somebody selling you an orphan human child on the black market. Sketchy as fuck and feels super illegal {which it is}, there’s sometimes ulterior motives there that just leave the whole situation feeling wrong. And some species have strict as hell rules about their children and you don’t want to get into the cross hairs of that.

short CC or RC turnaround time (within a month or so) 

So this is more about having just conjured a spirit for your custom conjure (cc) or reverse conjure (rc). It's not giving you much detail or assurance that spirit is actually safe or says who they say they are. It also feels like “meh, did the work of conjuring good fing-ing luck. Give me my money I've waited long enough.” 

short vetting times

Short vetting times can be seen as super dangerous because it means they are just catching or conjuring spirits to sell for profit and not for care. Always ask about their vetting times and if vetting times are in physical or astral. Some astral spaces time moves differently so astral time of vetting could be shorter or longer compared to those who vet just in physical, it’s important to know their vetting times. Longer doesn’t always mean better, but it should give you an idea of how much they should know about the spirit

very little information about the spirit

This makes it feel like the conjurer didn't actually do vetting or did the shortest amount of vetting possible. They got some random details or bare minimum and said it was good enough. To a lot it feels like there is no care about the spirit and again, more interested in the money than actually connecting a spirit with a human keeper

misinformation about the spirit

Imagine you just got a spirit and the conjurer tells you it's a dragon but you learn from the spirit Is actually a hellhound. If you go to the conjurer and ask wtf is up and they ignore you? Chances are they don't actually care. Or they gave you the wrong info for that spirit. It's really frustrating to learn and so that's why you should always double check with your spirits and address things with the conjurer. but it leaves seeds of distrust and people talk.

"This spirit or item will solve all of your problems!" mentality

This can be dangerous to people as they then have the mentality that they don’t have to do anything for themselves if they can just buy a spirit or item because they were told that it can fix things for them. It can also be super harmful for those that struggle with mental health because they don't take the steps to help themselves and rely on spirits or items to help instead. It leaves spirits themselves in a difficult position especially if they can't do what they're being advertised to help/cure/fix what the conjurer is saying they can do

Doing "forever" bindings, or something similar

If a spirit wants to follow you after death into the next life, they will... don't make them. Forcing them to stay bound no matter what life takes away their right to choose and be free. It’s slavery in a way.

Has very little information about the spirit to offer, a paragraph or less

This ties into the vetting red flag. It shows they took little to no effort to getting to know the spirit and let you know that they actually took the time and care to get to know the spirit before matching them with a keeper. It shows they care more about the money not the spirit or the people they are matching them with

selling a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" spirit

This feels icky just for the fact it feels like a spirit is forced into that kind of situation. Like a hostage and kidnapper feeling

Really Really high pricing, especially for very little information

According to others in TSR, if the pricing is really high and you get a page or less of information, they’re more interested in their pocketbooks than they are actually connecting spirits with keepers.

They don't allow any visits with spirits before adoption, seeing how certain energies and personalities fit in your family is important. 

This is becoming a lot more popular, especially if shops have discords. The general consensus from this is that a lot of shops do not allow refunds or returns after buying a spirit’s binding. So you’ve bought a spirit, turns out they just do not vibe with your energy, or they don’t get along with other companions. Now you’re just stuck. Visiting a spirit allows you to see if you actually vibe well together or if they can get along with your current family. General idea is that you should visit a few times to be sure that the vibes and energies all mix well.

making up species that diverges from canon, especially with closed religions

“Canon” being the core myth of the species. Take leviathans for example {new example because Native american spirits been pointed out a lot}, they are world enders. They want to destroy the world and consume it. Somebody selling a leviathan that’s friendly, wants to be buddies, isn’t a thing. Or taking a closed culture/religion species and just completely erasing their ties for sellability.

Human spirits in general 

It gives buying and selling humans for a lot of people. Which is weird considering the humanoid spirits, but the outright from earth humans feels… wrong???

Haunted dolls in general 

This is generally seen as buying human spirits and selling them. A lot tend to be children as well for a ridiculous amount of money. And they are traded and sold a lot which makes things uncomfortable. Mixing it with the severe lack of any vetting, feeling that the spirit is trapped in the haunted doll, and it feeling like selling/trading children it feels wrong.

uses language like "caught" or "captured" a spirit

This makes it seem like the spirit was completely unwilling for companionship and basically taken against their will and sold. Like slavery.

Offers "black magic" spells or "essence" spells 

Black magic is a racist term. Please google on how it's considered racist. In this day and age we should be more alerted to the fact that a lot of core practices were built in a way to suppress BIPOC individuals and their cultures and practices. Be better. Essence spells also feels weird.

A spell that affects you physically, such as giving you fighting knowledge when you had none before or making your teeth sharper

For a lot of people this feels more fake and more giving the hollywood glow to the witchy or spirit work community. It gives false expectations of what doing spell work is like. In return you get people that are pissed that they paid

[lunareel]

About your HappyFamily AU. Do you have headcanons? I want to know more 👉👈

This took me a minute, because I have ideas but it can be a struggle to put into words sometimes.

But I'll just share a few that have popped up the most in my head.

When Blumiere and Timpani managed to elope and escape to a new dimension they have to start completely from scratch so Blumiere takes up potion making and working as assistants to wizards. Meanwhile Timpani takes up blacksmithing to help bring in money.

Timpani ends up going on her own hero adventures both to make money and to build up her strength in case Blumiere's father or his lackey's come after them again.

Mario follows his mother's steps and goes down the classic hero route and gets his signature hammer from Timpani.

Luigi becomes a keeper of magical artifacts and books. He removes curses from people and recommends good library books.

Nastasia despite being great at dealing with adults and dishing out orders cannot handle being the brothers babysitters. It the eyes she's not strong enough and caves to their asks.

Unsurprisingly O'Chunks is a really solid babysitter. Surprisingly Mimi, while very much a bad influence at times, rivals O'Chunks in how good she is at babysitting. The two will often butt heads in how to watch over the bros and will make competitions out of it. These competitions get them in trouble with Blumiere as it usually spirals out of control to the point neither of them are watching the kids.

Blumiere is relieved to see that the bros look human and hopes they don't develop any magic so they will go under the radar of the Tribe of Darkness (particularly his father). Timpani on the other hand is delighted to see them develop magic and wishes they did appear more like Blumiere as sometimes she worries about how he views himself.

Mario doesn't inherent a lot of ancient magic meanwhile Luigi ends up developing magic that is very close to their grandfathers much to Blumiere's chagrin.

Timpani is the first person you'd want to go for help. She's just not great with people. She can be too blunt sometimes, but her advice is straight to the point and she will try to help to the best of her ability. However should someone refuse to listen to her advice she will no longer help them in any means. If you are not willing to listen to her, then you are not worth her time or energy. (Her family gets a pass on this, but they will be given shade about it for weeks.)

[thegentlemansresurgence]

Ok, I will ask anything, thanks for the invitation on your blog to do so. I am randomly asking men who use the moniker of gentleman on their blogs to tell me what they think defines a gentleman. I am so interested to know if the term has morphed. It isn't used so much in current conversations, but I love this term and would like to if the essence is the same in a man's mind's eye. I do not however, have the same fondness for the term Lady! Ok if not interested in answering but if you are just let me know what you think are the key qualities, behaviors, thoughts etc a gentleman should possess. Thanks and take good care

Apologies, but this is going to be a long drawn out answer because I'm also going to take this opportunity to brag on my grandpa.

My grandfather would be my definition of a gentleman. Papa Esley was a tall wiry man, but his biceps and tricep were ripped. He was only 6'3" but as a child it seemed like I was looking up at a sequoia tree. He had a slightly offset nose from his boxing days, and missing middle finger from his days in a textile mill.

Papa Esley always dressed well. Always in dress pants, a long sleeve button up shirt and wingtips. If he was going to work on something he'd take his dress shirt off and sport his wife beater. Occasionally he wore a fedora, had an old leather band watch. Drove a 1970 pea green Buick skylark. He said he got that color cause it looked just as nice when the pollen covered it.

If you can’t tell Papa Esley was my hero. I tried to dress like him, walk like him, talk like him and once and only once, had a haircut like him.

He took me to Oney's barbershop. I remember a handful of men arguing over current events, their wives spending money and sports. Papa loved to bring up Mike Tyson. It was finally my turn to hop in Oney's chair. Oney never asked how you wanted it. Oney gave one haircut, high and tight! I gave the man my $7 and back home we went. Mom was not near as excited about my new haircut as I was.

In 7th grade I shattered my ankle playing basketball. A few days later papa slipped getting out of the shower and broke his femur. Mom took care of both of us.

He had two twin beds in his bedroom. It hadn't changed much since Mema died in 1985. I asked why the twin beds. He told me after 9 kids they figured they might need to try something different. He knew I didn't want to hear it and he'd laugh and laugh.

So in his bedroom we both sat up with our right legs slightly elevated and he started sharing his pearls of wisdom:

Never turn down a piece of gum, your breath probably stinks.

Take your hat off when you meet someone.

Have a firm handshake.

Maintain eye contact.

Introduce yourself and say nice to meet you.

Always say yes sir, no ma'am.

Give your chair up if a woman is standing, it also applied to a person that is older than you.

The only people you should get even with are the ones who've helped you.

Loosen the lug nuts on a flat tire before you jack the car up.

This is how you date, this is how you conduct yourself, this is how you barter, this why you work hard, etc etc

This instance it was mostly one sided but I tried to slide a question or two in when I could. Some he would answer, some he would not. Questions about the war he said he would not discuss. “I had to do things I don't want to talk about, I saw things I don't even have words to describe.”

I learned that he met Mema at a state fair. Trying to impress her, he jumped into the ring with a bear... Papa Esley said he got a few good licks in but knew once the bear's paws hit him, he'd be in trouble... but obviously was a great icebreaker.

I'll tell one more cause it's a moment that sticks with me.

Papa Esley told me to never have sex with a woman I wasn't willing to raise a child with, cause that's a possibility. He explained the consequences, and how my life would no longer be the top priority. I left that day know full well where he stood on the issue.

It wasn't long after that a young girl close to my age showed up at church... pregnant. She sat upfront on the left side, alone. I don't have to paint the picture, you know there were whispers throughout the church that day. I watched my grandfather grab his Bible and go sit with her. He whispered something in her ear, put his arm around her, gave a squeeze and then looked back to the preacher.

We went to Papa's house every Sunday after church. I followed him outside... I had questions. I knew how papa felt about sex before marriage but he didn't react the way I imagined he would.

Papa, what did you say to the girl? He said I introduced myself, told her the good thing about being in a small church is everyone knows your business. The bad thing about being apart of a small church is everyone knows your business. I will help you however I can and gave her a hug.

With his actions my Papa Esley, showed love and compassion to a girl who needed it. That woman still comes every Sunday.

Papa Esley looked the part, and lived it. If he could help, he helped. If he felt strongly about something, he'd stand his ground, regardless of the consequences. He was a man of character, patience, humble and disciplined. The thing I admire the most is there was little doubt that he loved his wife. I loved how they always held hands, sometimes even when they were arguing 🤣

[chuwuyas]

about c&r

Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot

Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut

(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)

(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)

So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.

Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.

Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.

It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.

After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.

Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.

He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.

From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.

And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.

I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.

My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.

I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.

Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.

[darkanddirtyknb]

Important Notice

I want to give a warm hello to all of my beautiful like-minded freaks, creeps, and horny little toads. We have had quite the journey together. It's hard to believe I started my blog and Patreon so long ago. Sometimes it's painful to reflect on because I was in a much better place when I started my blog. But we learn to live with the hand we receive in life, and that's what I'm doing. Which brings me to the reason I'm posting this today. This has been a long time coming, and I suppose I've been putting it off because I haven't wanted to admit it to myself. I've been in such a period of stasis. But I kept trying to convince myself that I could return to how I used to be—putting out content like the wind, writing commissions, having deep discussions and long conversations with my supporters, and so on. But the truth is, I just can't do it anymore. My body has taken a toll on me, and my fire has burned out. My physical health (and sometimes mental) has taken its course, and this is the path I have no choice but to follow. However, despite the war I'm waging with my body, there is good news. I won my disability claim. I'm not making much, but it's enough that I can support myself monetarily. So, I will be closing my Patreon. I'll also no longer be writing commissions for the foreseeable future. I've been delaying this part of my announcement because I hate letting people down. My Patreon aside, I made a lot of promises to people that I couldn't keep. For that, I'm sorry. I never accepted any money for work I didn't start, so I owe no one anything in a monetary way. But I will be letting people down, and that truly bothers me. If you were in line for a story, I give you my sincerest apologies from the bottom of my heart. If you feel like I let you down in any way, I'm sorry for that too. That said, to be fair, I didn't know this was going to happen to me. I hold no control over the turns my health takes, and if I could change it, I would. I will still post from time to time. I'm not giving up on writing. But what once took me one to two days now takes me weeks, sometimes months to finish. I will still be around, and I will still engage with my followers. I'm not disappearing. My health may have won this round, but I won't let it take me down. I've come too far to give up what I love. I actually have a very detailed story in the works, and come hell or high water, I will finish it. I want to thank everyone who has stuck by my side. To everyone who has supported me, shared talks with me, read my works, liked my stories, and left comments—thank you. These things have helped me through some of my darkest hours. As for my Patrons, hopefully, by closing my account this month, you'll be able to have some extra money after the holidays. I want to give a special thank you to you. You kept me afloat by helping me pay for necessities like my medication, food, gas for medical appointments, and more. Without you, I truly don't know how I would have reached this point in my life. I hope there are no hard feelings. I'm doing what I need to for myself, but also, what I feel is best. If I get a second wind, I might write those stories still jotted down on my whiteboard. You never know. Lastly, I want to share another piece of good news. My parents surprised me with a new friend. I will post pictures of her below. Her name is Luna. (Not after Luna Lovegood, but our Lord and Savior, The Moon.) She has certainly kept me on my toes, and I'm not sure she's been the best thing when it comes to my disabilities, considering I can barely keep up with her. But I'm in love, and I know that ultimately, she'll be well worth the hassle—which she most definitely is right now. She's a right pain in the ass. I'm pretty sure she's a quarter Gremlin, a quarter Audrey 2, and two-quarters Piranha. I'm sending all my love to everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. If you have any questions or just want to shoot me a message please don't hesitate. Please take care of yourselves. It's dangerous business out there. Much love, Kai

[angelosearch]

Writing, and how it helps with a loud brain.

I am not an unusual person with mental illness in the sense that I think, a lot. My brain constantly searches for things to chew on, and it's natural inclination is toward self-criticism/hatred.

The thoughts move fast. I'll start with one concept and then other ideas get swept up with it. Supporting scenarios get analyzed. Social interactions get recontextualized. It builds momentum in the quiet, and the faster it gets, the louder it seems, until I feel like I've been sucked into an inescapable thought-tornado.

The trick is to slow it down early with some sort of intervention.

There are plenty of interventions that no longer serve me that are very effective - things that amounted to escapism, sometimes unconsciousness. At one time, I was so opposed to being with my own brain, I would avoid going home. I'd go out to bars every night, spending more money than I had, drinking more than I should, sharing my time with people I no longer know. I would stay at work long past my shift.

When I had to go home, I became set on clouding my mind until it was completely opaque. If all else failed, I just slept to avoid myself. I abused benadryl at one point so I could sleep through my days.

I've done a lot of work to understand where these thoughts come from, how to challenge them, and how to slow them, but there are still times when the thought-tornado touches down and picks up my perverbial brain-cow and takes it for a whirl. But I don't fear the funnel like I used to.

Writing helps me in multiple ways.

For one, if I chose to write out the negative thoughts instead of just thinking them, the narrative distance helps them feel less true. I also write slower than I think, so if I concentrate on capturing the ideas, I will never catch up. It's harder for the speed of the thoughts to build, especially in pen.

There is an element of escapism, but not to the point of avoidance. I will often start writing while I am trying to calm down, and then, once more level, I will come back and think about things more clearly. I also process a lot of what I think and feel through writing, even in fanfiction. Sometimes I give my characters the breakdown I am on the verge of, and the degree of separation makes it less severe.

And then, of course, writing is just fun sometimes. I get excited about ideas and it puts the self-hating thoughts on pause. It only takes a few minutes of a mindful activity to calm the nervous system, and it is important I don't let the thought-tornado hit those power lines.

I enjoy writing so much that I have learned to live more effectively with these thoughts. I don't want to run away from my brain, because yes, it is mean to me sometimes, but also it can create wonderful things. I find myself doing less and less to alter my state of consciousness because I want to be able to write. I can sit with myself, and that is something that, as an adult, I could not do until recently.

To mix metaphors here, I will tell you what I told my therapist this week:

My head used to be like a shitty gas station at night. I wanted to be in and out quickly, get what I needed and run. It was not a welcoming place, or a place that felt safe, and I would never go unless I needed to.

Now, my head more like a mid-teir grocery store (Safeway) a few days before a holiday. It's busy and stressful and over-stimulating, but I will go, and it will be safe, just a little frustrating. I will linger sometimes because I'll find an interesting product or I'll be willing to wait at the deli. As maddening as it can be, there will be some part of there experience to enjoy - maybe the early 2000s soft rock song over the PA or the fact the thing I needed was on sale.

Someday, I hope my head is like a really nice grocery store (Wegmans) at a time when it is empty, maybe at 5 am when they bring out the fresh bagels. Then, I won't mind wandering for hours.

Anyway that was a tangent, but I was writing this to calm a thought-tornado and, guess what? It worked. Writing for the win, ya'll.

[andypantsx3]

I’ve written to you before a very long time ago about things not going very well for me, and things are better now. Thank you for your compassion to a stranger then. It’s given me ideas as someone who also enjoys writing. I’m sure you’ve got variations of this question before so I’m sorry if I’ve missed those somehow but any advice on how to start writing and sharing your writing publicly? Like I created an account to send you this but I have no clue about anything really. Will I seem like a random interloper in the fandom who has arrived out of the blue 😭 I guess my concern is I’ll realize I’m actually not good at writing at all or worse nobody will read any of it. I feel awkward about actively promoting my work too. I don’t want to be famous or anything but it would suck if nobody wanted to read my stuff. You’re something of a stalwart at least for the fandom/genre/pairings you regularly write for and while I won’t aspire to that, how did you deal with self-doubt as an early writer? I know it’s not like I hope to earn money out of this or anything so opinions are just opinions but all my writing feels so personal to me that I’m worried about being convinced nobody cares about what I have to say. How does one really get their start at all. I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I’m super lost. It’s just that if someone’s terrible day or week could be made a little better because of my work, as your work regularly does for people, that would be nice. I hope you’re doing really well and randomly find something you’ve been looking for!

Hello my love!! I'm so happy I could help you out a little when you were in a tough spot!! I am very very happy that things are looking up for you now and I hope things only continue to get better and better!!! 💕

And oh my gosh, I don't think anyone will think of you as an interloper!!! Fandom is a community and the more the merrier imho! The x Reader community in particular is super welcoming and very nonjudgmental and the perfect place to get your start; almost everyone here is super nice and really chill. People will surprise you with how much nicer they are than you expect; I think you should just take a leap of faith and jump in!!

But just in case, let me give you the most realistic and straightforward advice I can. It's easy to dip your toes in and test the waters but I think you will need the below pieces of advice if you plan to battle self-doubt and continue writing & publishing fic without burning out or going nuts in the long term lol.

1. Find balance in the source of your self-worth

With publishing anything online, you always hope that people will like it and will want to engage with it. On tumblr the best measurement we have of that is notes, and on ao3 kudos + comments. Notes/comments/kudos are incredible and will make you feel more cherished than anything in the world. I will always appreciate them more than I can say, but one thing it is essential to know is that they are external sources of validation, and it is extremely dangerous to attach your sense of worth solely to the actions of other people.

If you want to publish fic, you will need to also find some internal sense of worth in your writing. You will need to finely balance that with how much you treasure the feedback of other people in order to stay afloat long term.

I recommend really sitting down and thinking about what you are writing/what you want to write, and why it is worth it to you. What makes your fic interesting to you? What are you doing differently than other people that makes you unique? What does your authorial voice sound like? Answering these questions will help you identify what you are bringing to the table as an author, so you know what it is that you do well, even if people aren't engaging the way you want, or even if you're receiving criticism.

For me, I really find value in the places I diverge from other fic authors. People really love writing powerful hero readers, but I usually write quirkless side characters who have somehow found themselves the main character. Chaptered/long fics are also less common in our fandom than oneshots, but I typically write chaptered fics! And I have a stylistically simple and light voice which is easily accessible.

All of these help me know that I'm bringing some fun distinct stuff to the table, even if what I'm bringing isn't perfect or necessarily as popular. And even if I enjoy other peoples' fics and authorial voices more than my own; I'm still bringing something unique and valuable!! So even when people aren't picking up every single thing I'm putting down, I still know the value of putting them down anyway.

2. Manage expectations

I think it can be easy to compare ourselves with one another, especially if you follow some well-established authors or people writing for super popular characters. Even I succumb to jealousy on occasion; it's just human nature. But it's important to know people will engage with different types of fics in different ways and that other people's success has nothing to do with your own.

I think you should set realistic expectations for how people will engage with your fics depending on what it is that you want to write. Some fandoms are much larger than others and therefore have a wider built-in audience. Some characters are also wildly more popular than others so it is likelier fics for those characters will go a bit further. In my experience, people really gravitate towards smutty scenarios or headcanons, sometimes oneshots, and less so chaptered fic. And some authors have been around for forever, or post constantly so that they are regularly drawing people in, and therefore have a larger reader pool than other authors.

So think about what you are writing, for which characters, and in which fandoms, and level your expectations accordingly. For me, even though Shouto is fairly popular, he also only has roughly 1/3 of Bakugou's level of popularity. So I never try to gauge the success of a Shouto fic in comparison to a Bakugou fic I've written, or even the Bakugou fics of other more established Bakugou writers.

This, combined with my own internal sense of worth as a writer, helps me feel like I'm doing pretty good for myself, even if I get like, 30 notes on a fic compared to someone else's 300 or something.

3. Understand that writing is a growing process!

One other essential tip is to understand that writing is a skill set than can be refined and honed. What you write one day is not indicative of where your skill level will sit the next day. And so critique you receive, or mistakes you have made, are really less indicative of failure and more tools to help you get to the next level.

This is one I've personally struggled with, but it can be worth it to be open to feedback that is not necessarily complimentary, with the caveat that you should know what is objective constructive criticism, and what is more subjective/personal preference. The latter you can disregard, because tailoring a fic to some random person's arbitrary tastes is not going to help you tell a good story lol.

But people telling you what they would like to see more of or things that didn't make sense to them can help you understand where you can make improvements to your writing. And it's not to say your writing is not good enough where it is; only to say there are avenues for you to develop even more experience.

For me, this has largely been in the area of smut lol. I liked my lil vanilla smut scenes, but I used to commonly get a fair amount of feedback wishing they were spicier. And, after initially getting defensive lmao, I could see how that was a common piece of feedback across multiple critiques, and I understood how drawing those scenes out might help contribute to the feeling of intimacy, satisfaction, and closure I want to develop at the end of a fic!!

I think being open to feedback while understanding that critique does not in any way take away from your talent overall, can only help you preserve the satisfaction you have with your writing, and help you refine in the future!! It keeps writing interesting, and keeps your sense of self-worth tied up in the process of writing, not necessarily the product of the writing, if that makes sense.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now. Even with all this advice listed out, I think you should just have hope and trust in people and dive right in. It sounds like you are an earnest person wanting to make heartfelt connections, and in my experience people will reflect that energy right back at you!!

I am sending you all my best vibes and looking forward to reading your stuff, if you end up going for it and posting!!! 💕✨

[opinated-user]

The link to Courtney admitting to getting an anonymous donation is literally in the Lily Orchard post your responding too. There's no way you didn’t see it. This was a dumb hill to die on from start to finish. You should know better than anyone that memoryholing doesn’t work.

https://web.archive.org/web/20240107235420/https://www.tumblr.com/sweetface-the-dollbaby/738898018428993536/i-gave-25-dollars-through-the-tip-option-on

i already answered to that same post here. i also reblogued that post so it's on my own blog as well, so coloured me confused as to why you think the archive you made of that post on another blog was necessary.

i address how one of those anons (who i suspect is just you, because you all type and write the exact same) outright lied about Courtney making a fundraising for a laptop. you bring me an archive of a post i already had shared there, but not on that supposed fundraiser so i don't know what you're talking about. i also said that it's strange you'd mention a laptop at all, because the only person who ever helped Courtney to get a laptop was P and she is the only one who cares about holding that over Courtney's head. so coloured also fascinated as to why you specifically do you also care about that.

i also pointed out that anon was lying because Courtney never received anonymous donations from anyone. futhermore, even if they weren't lying, they failed to confirm that they actually did donated anything and therefore they can't be taken seriously. in that post that has the answer for all your questions, that you'd find if you actually care to scroll literally two post down below, you'd see that both me and Courtney agree that with a system like that one literally anyone can go demand Courtney money, even people who never actually donated to her and for amounts of money she never had in the first place. that anon, meaning you, is lying. you're a liar. you have done nothing to prove anything of what you say except tell me the lies i already addressed. you're insisting on this bad faith narrative while Courtney is grieving the lost of her mother, and for what? is this helping LO? is this making people stop seeing that she got a desk and was talking of buying another literally right after a fundraiser? does this make people think that LO must have kept quiet for two years because she's too much of a lady and respect the canadian goverment too much to talk about the process of immigration? is this going to make LO less likely to have groomed ginger? to have groomed Sunny? to have molested Courtney for almost a decade? to have catfished Brittany? is the lack of a receipt for cat food so valuable here that you think that has just as much importance to dismiss all of that? because let me bring you back to reality for a second here. you're not helping anyone. you're not destroying Courtney. i don't know what you're looking for, but it's not here. stop. you literally made LO look worse. you gave me more ammo to keep pushing on the notion she's a scammer. if that is what you want to do, at least be honest about it.

if you care so much about honesty and money, then go ask LO why she lied to you about having a desk and streaming on it for a stream that happened two days prior. i'll wait.

[catluver3]

Wed. 9/4/2024

I wanted a placed to write down my thoughts.

I'm an overthinker, I think anyways. I'm always thinking about one thing or the other. It's frustrating most of the time if not, all the time! I really wish I could just shut off my brain and sleep life away. I think that would be way better and perhaps even fun, spending my days sleeping away and just dreaming about the silliest of things. 

But what's the next best thing? Writing down whatever pops into my mind. I want my thoughts to be heard if I'm being honest but I don't want people to know who's behind the screen. I want my thoughts to be something people can relate to, maybe not all of it but even if it's just part of one thing, that would bring me so much joy. It's like I actually have someone who sees me.

Yes, I have friends who support me and see me, are even brutally honest but not all my thoughts are kind, sweet, cute, happy. Some of my thoughts are stupid, dumb, simple, even dark as cringe as that sounds LOL! 

I want to start this off simple and say that I am aware I will be posting this on the internet, I know not everyone will be kind. I know not everyone will see the world the way I see it but I think it'll be fun to see others reactions. Maybe I'll be able to meet other's who share the same thought process as me. 

Today, I had to work. Well, I still have to work in the next three or so hours. It's a break I'm on but its a long one LOL! I woke up today with the excitement of doing my makeup, doing my hair and just doing the simple tasks I do everyday but it was hard to sleep last night. I kept thinking about how I could earn money. I mean, I'm not technically an adult yet? I don't feel like an adult at times, I feel like a kid most of the time. I cry out, lash out, sometimes I just want to tear my hair out of my head. I feel it on my head, I feel it on my shoulders despite it not reaching my shoulders. I'm weird, I know, I'm getting help for a lot of the things that I am suffering and I'm gratefully for that.

It was busy today at work, there was only one waiter and the manager had to help him out! Had me running around from the kitchen to the front! It was fun, did my exercise for today. Yesterday wasn't as busy if I'm honest... Most of the time it's not busy and I do feel sorry.. I mean, what more can I do when I have already recommended the idea of redoing the interior? New booths, new tables, new floor.. menus! I have so many ideas that could possibly bring in new customers! It's not easy to run a company or a restaurant or anything like that! So many new places open up yet so many close down... Scary! 

My thoughts will be all of the place, this is my first time writing them down either way. Not once have my thoughts been coherent. Not once have my thoughts taken into consideration my feelings. If they did, they would know I did not like them at all. 

That's all I want to write today but hopefully, I will have my thoughts gathered soon. :)

[sandragon]

to be the tranny token

I want to share an experience that I've had recently. Although I went to art school, I currently work in the medical field because it gave me the health insurance that I so desperately needed when I turned 26. I liked freelancing, but it didn't pay me a lot of money and I was jumping between three different jobs at a time, which left little energy to devote to the things that I actually cared about. I needed health insurance because I needed to pay for hormones and get the surgery that I've always wanted since I was 15 years old.

Working in the particular field that I'm in has been interesting. I like the people aspect of it, helping families, and learning about things so unfamiliar to me. But I'm the first transgender person that they've hired and they have no idea what to do with me.

I have been on HRT, particularly testosterone, for nearly two & a half years and had life saving top surgery in August of 2019. I never knew how much I needed to transition until I actually started doing it. Before I would never make connections and missed out on so many opportunities because I knew that they could never see me for who I am, and didn't want to ever try. I lied to myself and said that I could accept their judgement, even though deep down I knew that was a lie. Nowadays, I relish in my changing body, my flat chest, and the body hair that I was taught to be so afraid of. I limited my expression in the past because I was so afraid of being perceived of outside of the norm. Now because I am comfortable and confident, I have grown out my hair to the longest it's been since I was in high school, paint my nails whatever colors I'm feeling that day, and dress how I've always wanted, without limits. It's been incredibly freeing to finally get to this point and I will never look back. This freedom still comes with loaded perceptions and pain, still a kind of alienation but one very different than what I experienced before. Although I have changed my name, had all of these medical things done to me willingly, and assert myself as a man (just fruity), I'm still never regarded as who I say I am. In a space that touts inclusivity, my own colleagues cannot be bothered to use the correct pronouns, which makes for many clumsy situations that don't need to be there. It's as if they cannot wrap their head around my existence as a man who doesn't adhere to society's typical idea of masculinity and being very in love with a cisgender man who willingly claims me as his own. They handle me with kid gloves and disregard my appearance and words and still force me into the box of "woman." And honestly, it hurts. It's one thing when it comes from strangers, but it's another when it comes to people that I interact with on a daily basis. I decided to bring it up to my director today and see what I could do about this situation.

Now we're to have a meeting to discuss my experiences and see how we can discuss this with our staff. Although I'm glad that we're having this conversation, I hate that I have to have it in the first place. Although I may be "breaking norms" in their eyes, I really am just a man who cooks dinners, engages with things that he's passionate about, and falls asleep with his boyfriend and cat after watching YouTube videos at night. I live a fairly domestic life outside of a few things that others find interesting about my lifestyle (which I won't get into here) and I like it that way. I find my life to be regular, but to everyone else it's a constant point of fascination that I don't really understand. I hate that in every space that I'm in that I have to fight for my right to masculinity, that I have to pave the way, that I have to swallow every awful interaction that I have just so I don't get screamed at or have to coddle their cis feelings. I've had to be the token tranny for the past few years that educates the staff about how to respect me & people like me, even though I hate it. I'm handled as a confused woman who doesn't know what she's doing or a weird sense of unsureness that I don't see others having to go through. Although I am very patient and open about my experiences, I simply just want to not have to explain who the hell I am every time I leave my house. I just want to go to a coffee and enjoy an iced mocha while musing on paper. To be the token tranny is an experience of anger, hurt, and isolation, every day - once that I wish to be free from, but one that I'm not sure will go away as long as I'm alive.

[motsimages]

A friend of mine gave me an article she wrote about her illness and it mentioned the caretakers around her. She mentioned her husband's coworkers who will cover for him when he goes to the hospital with her. And that's not what comes to mind when one thinks of "caretaker (of a disabled person)".

It made me think of the time I was being too much of a caretaker for everyone around me and decided that I had to take care of myself too. So I looked up "how to care for a caretaker" and it was disappointing. Most of the things I found were like "remember to do something you enjoy, try to find someone to cover for you for an hour or so so you can rest" and it's like... So somebody who is 24h caring for a family member should also be responsible for finding someone to give her some rest or to make time for her own enjoyment. Right. Sure. Nobody will take care of her and she has to take care of herself and someone else. Noted.

I also thought of that theory of sharing worries. It was something like "when someone has cancer, the worries around it have to go outwards: the patient will tell their partner, the partner will tell a friend, the friend will tell someone outside of this circle, etc." This way, the people more affected by the situation are not charged with the extra load of having to emotionally manage the worries of someone who is not going through it. The cancer patient doesn't have to console their friend about how they feel when seeing them in the hospital on top of dealing with the chemo effects, for instance. The friend will share those feelings outside of the patient's life while being available for the patient to complain about the hospitalisation.

In situations when the government fails to provide support for the sick person and their caretaker, it's up to them and the money they might or might not have to find a solution. People like to help but depending on the demands of the situation, it may be outside of what most people can do or are willing to do for love. If, for whatever the reason, the family lives isolated or far from other people, who cares for the caretaker? When do they get a break?

And sometimes, giving someone a break in these circumstances looks a lot like the co-workers covering your shift, the neighbours stopping by to see if you need groceries, or any other seemingly small task that will already reduce the things to do for the caretaker.

Notice how the worries go outwards but the help goes inwards. I let you know I'm tired because I spent the night up caring for my child, you or another acquaintance bring me a Tupperware with food so I don't have to cook today.

It is difficult sometimes to know how to care for a caretaker, particularly if they are caring for an elderly relative, a child or a disabled person with high needs. Where do you start? Well, just lending your ear to listen to their worries and complains, helping out with small everyday tasks related groceries, cooking or cleaning, covering the first hour in the mornings at work so they can sleep a bit longer...

It feels like the only useful help in some cases is actually giving free time from the caretaking by doing it ourselves. And that is certainly a huge help. You are a caretaker by directly taking care. But releasing from other duties, not creating extra layers of work already gives some rest. If the only hour I don't have to be checking on the person I care for I have to spend cooking for the day, there is no rest for me. However, if food had magically appeared, I can just lay down and rest, read a book or watch tv.

My friend's comment made me realise that there are many ways of caretaking and that it is actually a chain. When it breaks, then there is only one caretaker isolated from the world, responsible for her own well being. When it works, there are several caretakers and it is less lonely for both the person who needs care and for their direct caretaker. It takes a village.