#don't ask me why i didn't save in intervals

[noroi1000]

F**k your fav part 7 - Bottom Toru

Warnings: NSFW (sex toys, sub Gojo, anal sex)

Summary: According to your list, now you're the dominant one. Why don't you fuck his ass to hear him moan?

"You promised me something. Now you must fulfill your promise."

He looked at you questioningly as he got out of the shower.

"What?" he asked, wiping his hair and body.

A soft penis billowed between his legs.

"Today is the day we agreed to have sex on your list. I can't believe you forgot."

The truth was that you had each type of sex every week.

It's been six weeks since these damn trials started.

This interval was only so that you could properly recover from the previous one.

And after that marathon you must have had a lot of rest...

It's not like he hasn't tried to fuck you in the meantime. You always succeeded.

So your sex routine hasn't changed at all. It was still at the same level as always.

"I did not forget. How could I forget?" he asked with a wild smile. "I'm just taking it easy today. Easy sex tonight, right? So I do everything calmly."

You raised an eyebrow, and went to get his phone where he had the list.

The order was this:

Marathon, then dominance (over him) and only then quiet sex.

Has he forgotten it?

"According to the list, now I dominate you." You said as you put his phone in your pants pocket.

You share your phones, clothes. It's normal, especially with a man who doesn't know such a thing as personal space.

Maybe I'll say it differently. You put on his clothes or he puts you on.

He wouldn't wear women's clothes. Even your socks would be too small for him!

And it's better not to talk about pants that would always be too short for him.

So you share his clothes.

But you had one block.

When you wanted to delete the video from his phone of him fucking you, you realized you couldn't.

That white-haired jerk password-locked the file, and you couldn't get into it...

As long as only he and you knew of its existence, it was fine.

"Tonight is it? I'm ready for some easy sex! Even if I don't have the patience for it!" He said spreading his hands.

There were boxers on his hips. And it saved your sight from sinking lower. For its length.

"Can we postpone it until tomorrow?" he asked as he sighed.

"Probably next week..." You crossed your arms over chest. "We can tomorrow if you want."

"Today. I've already prepared myself."

he sighed.

"Okay, I tried to avoid that. I don't know if I really like the fact that you'll dominate me..." He brushed his white hair.

"Like I said, I like it when you dominate me. However, there is one thing. According to the list, we have to try it."

"Will you ride me until I come? Baby, you'll come first." He chuckled.

You started to leave but stopped to give him a smile.

"No, I won't. Get your ass ready." You told him before starting to walk away.

"Do you want to put something in me?" he asked a little louder.

He remembered what it felt like to have something inside him for the first time. That's why he got a little excited. Because it was fun.

But once he tried a dildo, it wasn't as nice as a real dick.

He didn't have to admit to you that someone had fucked him before. And more than once. He just liked it. Just like fucking someone.

But there was only one person who had a dick and he could have sex with.

The dildo won't be the same. Even if it can be nice and nice, it won't be the same as a big dick fucking him mercilessly.

He hadn't felt the same in a long time, so he didn't even think about doing it himself. Because he was a man. And he won't fuck his ass with toys!

He will fuck you and only you. He will abuse your body until you melt under it.

He won't let his pride get hurt when he says he used to enjoy anal.

He didn't like toys in it because it didn't feel the same.

He preferred one person's real, warm dick.

And that's the only thing he'll let go up his ass.

no one else.

He'll let you this time. But it won't be perfect sex.

He had already succumbed once when he was younger. He liked it, but he wasn't attracted to being fucked by someone else's cock all the time.

He did not agree to it. It was embarrassing that the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer would want that.

No way!

But there is one person he would allow. Because only with this person did he like it. He was only with him and no one else. And when he was about to do that, there was only one person he would agree to.

His best friend.

Maybe he'll agree to do it again? When you agree to have sex with two people...

After all, he knew that you both liked them at first.

You fell in love with both of them, but your boyfriend for years was Satoru.

Maybe you like Suguru too?

Definitely. He agreed for a reason.

After all, they both had nothing against each other.

After all... More than once there has been some rapprochement between them.

They have nothing to repeat it.

After all... Geto Suguru was probably your boyfriend's first love...

He loves you so much. But he also wants you to agree to fall in love with Suguru. He won't force you, but it would be interesting.

He loves you more. It is obvious. But if Suguru falls in love with you and you fall in love with him, he will have no reason to be mad. He will love you both.

Of course, if you both love each other.

Well, he was thinking what it would be like if you fuck him with a toy.

Maybe this will be the first step for you to agree to something more?

Nobody forbids you a little experiment.

Well, he'll set you up on a date.

And then -

"What are you thinking about?" You interrupted his thoughts.

He saw that you were holding a black belt in your hand.

"Nothing. It just reminds me of my youth." He laughed nervously.

Is he going to tell you what happened in his room when he attended Jujutsu High?

"Times of youth? Now?"

"Yes. You know... I was wondering if maybe you'd agree to meet Suguru soon."

"Yes, of course."

"Since he agreed to have a threesome with us..."

You blushed.

"Does he really want this?" You asked.

"After all, he's always liked you. I guess it was the same with you. Do you like my best friend?"

His smile was getting on your nerves.

"You are my boyfriend." you said.

"I wouldn't mind us both being your boyfriends."

You widened your eyes.

Was Satoru really capable of a relationship with the three of you?

After all, he is so often jealous...

Or will it be different with Suguru?

They've been so close for years...

  "Let's change the subject. Let's start preparing for sex."

"huh?"

"What are you fucking me with?"

"You bought a Strap-on. So..."

"Which dildo? Yours? I'd like to finally assess the size of this one!" He laughed.

"You want this? fine. I'll go fix it."

"I'm going to dry my hair. Can you handle it on your own? Shall I help you put this on?" he asked as he took the dryer.

"Have you ever worn a strap-on?" You laughed sarcastically.

"No. I don't need it. I have my dick that's probably bigger than your dildo."

"We'll see..." You whispered as you immediately went to the bedroom, opening the drawer that held your mementos and older stuff. At the bottom of the drawer, a pink dildo.

I grabbed the belt, and he began to attach it to the black belt. After you finished, he entered the room completely naked.

"So how did you do?" he asked as he sat on the bed.

"And you?" You pointed to his lower half.

"Don't worry, I've prepared my butt. Besides, I expect it's not that big."

"You can say that, but believe me, for a virgin ass that size is a lot." You said showing him the toy.

"Your ass was tight, but you stretched perfectly around my cock. You have to admit it was so nice~."

"At first it wasn't at all..." you growled.

He gestured for you to give him the toy.

You threw it to him.

He measured the toy with his eyes and his hand.

"I've had something bigger before. It's not like my dick at all." he said with a smile, and suddenly placed it against his crotch.

He compared his soft cock to this.

"See? It's almost the size of my soft cock. But it's still a little smaller. When I'm hard, it'll be even smaller."

You've noticed that's true.

You always felt that your toy was big. But you didn't think that something that was supposed to be his size was actually thinner and shorter...

He got up and you started undressing.

You knew he was going to be tough soon.

He then put a strap around your legs, fastening you behind your back and thighs.

Stabilizing the toy on your body, he suddenly took a few steps away, looking at your body as the silicone cock protruded from you.

"I never expected to be turned on by the sight of my girlfriend with a dick. But I still prefer the sight of your wet pussy."

"How should I start?"

"Aww~ you are so cute and innocent. You don't even know how to start fucking me~. I'll guide you, okay. But I can tell you it won't be pleasant. You won't feel the toy. That's why I'm offering to put a vibrator inside you, okay?"

He showed you a small vibrator he once put inside you and made you walk around with it around the house while he played with the remote.

Doing household chores was hard with something like this.

But now it could be a blessing for you.

Because watching his cock drool and the toy on your hips disappear into it will surely make you wet as hell.

"Okay..."

As soon as you finished that word, he dropped to his knees, spreading your legs.

Too quickly he put his fingers inside you, curling and holding in you as his practiced mouth released his tongue and he began to work his magic on your clit.

Your back hunched slightly, and then you remembered that he was supposed to be submissive. not you.

Though maybe there's nothing wrong with him playing with your pussy a bit with his tongue.

You grabbed his hair to hold him as his tongue sensually ran over your folds.

But just as you were starting to soften over him, he pulled away.

"I think you're already wet enough for me to put this on. Maybe even a little too wet." He laughed, pulling his curled fingers out of you. There was a wet sound.

He reached for something in the drawer behind you, and smeared the toy with your juices. Before he shoved an egg-like toy tip into you. Leaving a strip of silicone sticking out of you to pull it out.

Your walls offered no resistance. Especially when he pushed the toy into you along with his fingers, pushing it quite deep. Enough for you to feel how it stimulates your sensitive points.

He ran his fingers over the wet muscles in you, feeling you tighten around the toy and his fingers.

And once his fingers were off your body, he tightened around the toy. Holding the toy widened at the top firmly inside you.

Your pussy sucked up the silicone, holding it inside, just like you do with his cock.

Just the sight of your pussy as your entrance tightened after something a little bigger entered inside you was beautiful.

So cute you needed a stim down there.

Unfortunately, you chose to fuck him instead of him fucking you.

"My ass is ready. Lubricant is in the cupboard. Depends if you just want it now."

He said kneeling in front of you.

He looked at the toy with a smile.

Still not as big as it should have been. His cock was already hard.

In the bathroom he stretched his fingers back there. And he also used the lube he keeps in the bathroom in case of emergency sex in the shower.

So it should be fine even without your experience of fucking someone.

"If you naturally had a dick, I'd be sucking you right now. But you're not going to come no matter what I do." He grunted, running his fingers wet from your juices along the plastic length. And suddenly he licked the tip.

You were curious how it would feel if that dick was your real one.

Feel your tongue and mouth...

At times like this, you wonder what it's like to be a man...

He left some saliva on the plastic.

He reached between your legs into the drawer, pulling out a bottle.

Then he got up and climbed onto the bed.

"Do you want me backwards or forwards?" he asked as he knelt down, waiting for your response.

"I don't know..."

"Fine, I'm gonna kneel down and lean out, okay? Maybe it'll be better for you." He said and squeezed a generous amount of lube into his palm and gripped the dildo on the strap against your hips, leaving it slippery.

Then he took some more on his fingertips, and put a large drop on his entrance, slipping two fingers inside very easily.

He really prepared...

So he really knew what he was doing?

His wet hand covered his cock, massaging the hard shaft.

Then he turned his back on you, and he arranged the crooked pillows with his hand.

You were supposed to dominate him. So here you are.

You climbed quickly onto the bed, onto your knees, and he shoved him forward hard, making him fall onto his forearms, clearly showing you his ass.

He had a nice ass. And you couldn't deny it.

His body was as if carved by the best sculptor in marble. Every inch of his body was pretty.

Even his butt...

You placed your hands on his butt, feeling his muscles under skin.

His hips always seemed narrow.

And so it was.

But when you were always very close to Him, you saw that all of Him seemed bigger. So his hips weren't that narrow at all. Although compared to his shoulders, his hips were narrow.

"You want to play dominant, huh... So play while I let you." He laughed.

His hand between his legs massaged his hard cock.

Kneeling down, you tried to insert the toy into him slowly. However, nothing worked because he was too high.

Damn those long bones in his legs.

His femurs are longer. That's why you can't reach his hips properly. If only you were as tall as him...

"Toru, turn around." You said, backing away from him a bit.

"Can't you reach?" He laughed. "I figured it would."

He turned quickly, spreading his legs.

He placed his legs on your hips, giving you a perfect view of his cock in his hand and his ass.

You grabbed the toy with your fingers, gently inserting the tip into him.

And you started shoving the toy into him.

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes for a moment.

And then, as the toy reached its end, you saw his penis quiver in your hand.

He took it very easily.

So you started moving your hips back and forth.

Then he turned on the vibration in you on a medium level with his other hand.

As you thought, it looked sexy as he lay on his back, letting you fuck him.

There is a blush on his cheeks and ears.

You leaned in a little, resting hands on his chest.

Getting a place to lean against and get leverage to move without stopping.

You giggled slightly as he moaned softly.

"Toru ~ do you like this?" you asked with a small smile.

You'd rather ride his dick.

Because now only he feels the pleasure you give him.

And when he fucks you, you feel pleasure and so does he.

You prefer when he fucks you and moves your body the way he wants.

Because you can't find a comfortable place right now.

"Faster..." he moaned as he looked at you.

He looked at the tip of his cock, which released a drop of precum as he stroked himself.

You felt good with the toy inside you.

But you stopped for a moment to adjust your belts.

Then he grunted in displeasure.

He wasn't sure if he would be able to cum quickly just when you were fucking him.

But fucking his fists while the dildo slides over his prostate was a very pleasant combination.

The toy wasn't big enough and your movements weren't very accurate, but it was still enjoyable.

Pleasant shivers run through him as you move your hips forward, digging into him.

Every hard blow to that nice spot made his cock twitch impatiently. As if he wanted to cum from the pleasure he was feeling. However, it wasn't an overwhelming pleasure that sent him over the edge right away. He needed time to build his orgasm.

But when you suddenly hit him hard with the toy, he moaned loudly as the tip dug straight into his prostate.

(You did to him what he is doing to you. You pressed yourself into him harder without warning)

Then you tried to move your hips faster.

Not only because you heard more and more of his moans.

But also because the vibrations in your core forced you to do it.

If only moving faster in it could make you orgasm faster...

"...My little girl wants more...?" he asked, then reached for the toy's remote control and increased the vibration level.

By then you were practically moaning as you moved your hips.

When you move, the toy also moves slightly. That's why... That's why it's even more fun to do...

"Like now...? ...Haaah!" he moaned as you shoved the toy into him, and you held it in one place, jamming it perfectly into a point by his prostate. Grinding against it.

His legs trembled.

He looked at you with glassy eyes of lust. His face and neck were red. 

The dick in his hand was furiously red. Impatient and begging for your attention. For you to sit on it or suck it off.

But alas, he won't get it.

He looked at you questioningly, wondering why you stopped.

Your face was charming and your hips trembled.

He smiled softly knowing you had come and the toy inside you was still working.

You were getting more sensitive.

But then you started moving your hips again, pressing your body hard against his before you sped up.

And with a loud moan he suddenly came, spilling his cum all over his hand and over his belly.

His muscular chest heaved heavily as streams of cum flowed from the top of it.

You grabbed his shaft, running your hand all over his veins, helping him get off his high.

You then pulled the toy out of him, allowing him to get comfortable.

You sat next to him and then lay down, tugging at the silicone left behind your pussy to get it out.

You brazenly put it on the bed, clenching your thighs together, and lay down on his shoulder when he offered it to you.

"I prefer it when you fuck me..." you murmured into his skin.

You started taking the straps off your body and placed the toy on the bed next to you as well.

"And I prefer to fuck you. So how, next attempts I'm supposed to fuck you, right?"

You nodded.

"Today you left my dick neglected so I have an idea. Additional trials. Let's try that too. I'll add it to my list, okay?"

"Fine... But nothing terrible..."

"I'm sure you'll agree to this. I promise. I know you like my cock more than the vibrator. So I'll just fuck you now."

"I'm satisfied with your moans..." You laughed.

"But I prefer to fuck you anyway. Mochi."

He closed his eyes for a moment and then smiled before opening them.

"Could I put some whipped cream on your tits next time and mochi on your pussy?"

[teddypan]

I'm sleep deprived and got random thoughts about Niragi... So I wrote this

Honestly, I was bored and tried writing something for the first time, English isn't my first language so there may be some mistakes

Warnings: little angst, an attempt at comfort, mention of sex, Niragi, made by a sleep-deprived soul

The reader is annoyed with Niragi and decides to do something about it

You had enough, ever since you came to the beach, and it's been going on for some time now, it seemed like Niragi's main job was to annoy you.

You were relaxing by the pool? He had to throw remarks your way. You were on patrol? God forbid if he didn't try to poke some idiocy into your brain. Finally, had free time to relax in your room? Nope, he had to find some problem that you specifically had to go and resolve.

As it went on, solely the sigh of his tall lanky ass made you angry, the worst thing? He did it all with a smirk on his face, fully knowing what impact it had on you. Thankfully for other residents of the beach, you controlled yourself and simply ignored him. Which, mind you, he didn't like. Everyone could see, that he wanted to get a reaction out of you.

Till today,

you just came back from a game. It was four spades and it was supposed to be easy since spades are your specialty, as a professional stunt woman for action scenes. But no, not today. Not only were your teammates useless, they nearly got you killed because of questioning your capability. The game was finished only thanks to you, and it made you angry like nothing before. Out of five people, three died because of their idiocy.

When you came back, with an irritated face and first clenched to the point of making your palms bleed, your mind pointed to a bar with alcohol. He chose to speak and break your last straw.

"Hah, how did you manage to kill them in that? Did they have to save your ass like every guy you know?" ...

That was it, at this point he could say anything and it still would do the same thing.

Stopping in your track, you turned around and walked to him. Grasped his sleeve and started walking towards your room. "Oh, did you finally realize you want me?" He asked. With no reply from you, he still allowed you to drag him with no resistance.

The moment you both entered your room, he tried to kiss you. But boy he wasn't prepared for your push. Stumbling he fell on your bed, getting the breath knocked out of him. His rifle lying forgotten somewhere on the floor.

His eyes were in full-blow shock, looking at you, only his upper body had slightly risen, his chest rising in jagged intervals.

At that moment you knew what you wanted to do, he wanted a reaction, and he will get one. With confined steps, you strode toward him eyes hooded with a mixture of lust and rage.

"you don't have to be so pushy, I would have gone to bed either way or are you that eager for me," Niragi said in a joking manner. But with you not saying anything, he started to look unsure

"hey, answer me when I ta-" before he could finish, you were standing above him. His words cough in his throat, the look you were giving him made chills run up his spine.

Hard, cold, and predatory. After a long time, he felt small, weak, frozen in place unable to move. His body wasn't listening to him. Niragi felt hopeless, your eyes reminded him of his school days.

As you were standing above him, you saw fear, he started to draw fast breaths. His face lost its color, his eyes became unfocused almost as if he started to have a panic attack. By your proximity, you could notice his trembling.

Then it happened, out of his throat come a soft gasp, followed by a whimper right after. Almost instantly he pulled his arms over his head like he wanted to protect his face. He wasn't crying, but soft gasps and whispers could be heard as if he was in pain.

Niragi couldn't see anymore, he was remembering, feeling like he was back under the bridge. It hurt, why was he weak, what did he do to get this treatment? He was out of it, almost like in trance.

That's when all your anger disappeared, yeah he may be a jerk and maniac. But he only annoyed you compared to others and it was bearable honestly. So at that moment you slowly sat on the bed to not alarm him. Leaned towards him and pulled his trembling form slowly into the arms.

Now you were sitting on the bed, with Niragi in your arms, leaning on you. After a while, as he heard your heart, he slowly calmed down and stopped making sounds and trembling. That's when he sat up completely, separating from you.

"you didn't see shit, you hear me? Nothing happens, forget everything if you tell someone I will-" Niragi closed his mouth when he saw the look in your eyes. "Yeah, I haven't seen anything, no worries," You said.

With that, he stood up, picked up his rifle, gave you a last look, and without a word left your room

After he left you lay on your bed thinking, about how this incident will change the dynamic between you two. It made you curious to know what made him act that way. With that, you closed your eyes and went to sleep.

[mi-rae07]

Jung Wooyoung : As Good As You Were (Part 3/4)

Pairing : Jung Woo-Young (Ateez) and named character (Shin Naeun)

__________________________

Wooyoung was now helping the workers wheel naeun to the ICU, a doctor emerging from a room as she looked at naeun worriedly before muttering

??? : naeun.

Wooyoung looked at the unknown doctor in part shock as he asked

Wooyoung : how do you know my wife?

??? : she's my patient.

Wooyoung paused on his tracks as naeun was wheeled into the room, the nurses shutting the ICU doors in wooyoung's face as he let out a shaky breath. He felt tears in his eyes as he fell back against a nearby chair, his hands shaking in fear and worry. Her patient? Patient for what? Why hadn't naeun told wooyoung anything about this?

Wooyoung hoped it was just a minor inconvenience that could be solved quickly so they could go back to normal. It had to, right? The world couldn't be so cruel to wooyoung so as to take naeun away from him?

___________________________

The world was cruel after all.

??? : your wife has brain tumor, and it was already too late to be removed completely from her brain by the time we figured it out. That was probably why she didn't want to tell you, there was nothing anyone could do except wallow in their own despair from this news. Naeun-shi has maybe, another month or so left to live. After that the tumor would affect her brain activity, and that in turn will inevitably lead to death. I am so sorry, sir.

Wooyoung stared at naeun who was now sleeping on the hospital bed, an IV attatched to her wrist as the heart monitor beeped in regular intervals of time. Her heart, that beep, wooyoung couldn't believe it would last only for a month now. And naeun had known, she'd known all of this and she hadn't told him. He had dreamed of an entire life with her and now, now it was all gone.

Wooyoung still had tears streaming down his eyes, he just couldn't bother enough to wipe it away. He felt naeun shuffling against the sheets as she slowly opened her eyes, looking up at wooyoung as she whispered groggily

Naeun : w-woo?

Wooyoung : I hate you, you know that? I hate you so much I wish-I wish I could burn the entire world down.

Naeun looked around the room as her eyes widened, finally getting what had happened as she quickly sat up on the bed. Wooyoung sniffled, his shoulders trembling as he asked

Wooyoung : when did you know?

Naeun : wooyoung please-

Wooyoung : no more lies, naeun.

Naeun : the day before we went on that trip.

Wooyoung's face contorted as he tried his best to not let out a sob, shaking his head as he asked

Wooyoung : is that why you rushed the trip? And…and momo, that was…is that why you wanted to take her home so bad?

Naeun lowered her eyes as she felt the tears well up in them before saying shakily

Naeun : you said you wanted a family with me, and kids I cannot give you. So I thought-

Wooyoung : naeun do you think that a cat, or even a mere-a mere child can replace what you are to me? The…part that you hold in my life?

Naeun : wooyoung I have no choice.

Wooyoung : this is all my fault, I should've known-

Wooyoung cut himself off with a sob as he rested his forehead against naeun's lap. She could do nothing but cry in silence as wooyoung said

Wooyoung : all that while in the-in the trip I was doing everything with you thinking we could do this again one day when we…when we got older. And you, you were doing it all knowing it would be your last.

Naeun shut her eyes tightly as wooyoung cried against her lap desperately, shaking his head as he said

Wooyoung : you never should've married me, you should've married someone who could've treated you with love and care from the very beginning. Not four months before you…god!

Naeun : wooyoung don't say that, you've made me happy-

Wooyoung : happy for what, 3 months? After you spent 3 years being alone despite having a husband, despite having saved my family? I should be the one dying! I should've been the one on that bed not you! You've done nothing wrong-

Wooyoung cut himself off as the door opened, revealing wooyoung's mom with tears in her eyes as she said

Mrs jung : naeun-ah.

Naeun : e-eomma.

Wooyoung quickly stood up as he walked past his mother, heading out the room as he heard naeun call his name out. But he didn't respond back, how could he? How could he when his entire world was being taken away from him only a few months after he'd gotten it.

How could he when he never treated her right and now she was dying, and they had too less time.

__________________________

Wonjeong knew her son, she knew he would never forgive himself for this. Especially after what naeun had told him, that wooyoung had finally started treating her right. She knew this would happen someday, she just didn't think it would be too soon.

Wonjeong was now walking through the hospital gardens, hoping to find wooyoung somewhere. And soon she heard the desperate cries and wails of a man, knowing it was her son's as she walked towards it. She saw wooyoung crouched down on the grass, his head on his hands and his cries filling the garden. It hurt her soul, hearing her son cry like this.

Wonjeong : wooyoung-ah.

Wooyoung turned to look at his mother, his face red and damp with all the tears. He looked horrible, god wonjeong wished she could help her son.

Wooyoung : e-eomma. Eomma naeun she-she said she's going to leave me.

Wooyoung let out a sob as wonjeong shook her head, rushing up to wooyoung before hugging him. Wooyoung cried against her shoulder, wonjeong feeling her eyes tear up at how hurt wooyoung sounded. He'd never cried like this, not even when his father had forbidden him to continue his dreams.

His life had always been so unfair.

Wooyoung : this is all my fault eomma, it is all my fault I'm so sorry. I should've listened, I should've loved her when I could. And now…now I can't.

Wooyoung weeped harder against his mother's shoulder as he remembered what she'd told him months ago.

"One day, you'll lose her and you'll regret everything. And then you'll come to me, crying and begging for the forgiveness that is not mine to give"

Wooyoung shut his eyes tightly as his mother said

Wonjeong : sometimes life is unfair to us, wooyoung-ah. Naeun might…she might have to go soon but she'll never leave you, son. She loves you, even after she's gone she'll stay in your heart and your memories, forever.

Wooyoung : I don't want a life without her, eomma. I…I don't know how I could live without her.

Wonjeong closed her eyes, her owns tears sliding past her cheeks as she whispered

Wonjeong : you'll have to learn, my son.

___________________________

Naeun had been sitting against the hospital bed for some time now, wooyoung's mother already having said her goodbyes for the night. And yet wooyoung was nowhere to be found. She was just about to get up from her bed when the door opened, a drenched wooyoung stepping inside the room as naeun's eyes widened

Naeun : were you out in the rain?

Wooyoung said nothing as he closed the door behind him, sitting on the chair beside naeun as she said

Naeun : god, I'll go grab a towel for you. You're going to catch a cold otherwise.

Naeun quickly got off the bed before finding a towel nearby and going up to wooyoung, wiping his wet hair hastily as wooyoung whispered

Wooyoung : would this be the first and last time you ever dry my hair, naeun?

Naeun closed her eyes as she removed the towel from his hair, throwing it on the bed before saying

Naeun : wooyoung, we still have a month left.

Wooyoung scoffed as he said

Wooyoung : a month, 30 days? I wanted 30 years with you, naeun, not 30 fucking days.

Naeun : I'm sorry.

Wooyoung : what if I die with you?

Naeun's heart froze at those words

Naeun : what?

Wooyoung : what if I kill myself the day you die, hmm? Then we can be together again-

Wooyoung cut himself off as naeun slapped him, his head tilting to the side as she said in a shaky voice

Naeun : don't you dare. For all that you have done in the past I have forgiven you, wooyoung. But if you do this, then I will never forgive you. In this world, or the next, if you do anything to harm yourself after I'm gone, I'll never forgive you.

Wooyoung closed his eyes, lowering his head as he said nothing to that. Naeun stared at wooyoung for a while, not knowing what to say either. Then she held his cheeks, lifting his head up to face hers as she said

Naeun : I love you, wooyoung, I love you so much I cannot imagine if something would happen to you even after I'm gone. I can't bear the thought of you being hurt-

Wooyoung : and yet I have to see you hurt, see you die, see all my dreams with you get destroyed within barely a month. If you cannot bear the thought of seeing me hurt…

Wooyoung looked up at naeun with his teary eyes, the look on his face making naeun want to do anything to live, anything to stay. But she knew she couldn't. tears streamed down wooyoung's cheek as he said in an utterly broken voice

Wooyoung : then how can I see you die, naeun.

____________________

Wooyoung was now driving back to their penthouse with naeun just staring at him from the passenger's, not having said a word after they entered the car. Wooyoung had woke up today pretending as if yesterday hadn't happened. The doctors had told them there was nothing they could do so it would be better if naeun got discharged and spent the last few weeks of her life doing things she wanted to do. Wooyoung had just signed the papers and gotten naeun to leave.

He had smiled at her, smiled as if she wasn't sick and going to die. Naeun couldn't say that she didn't like it, it felt better when wooyoung didn't treat her as a patient.

Wooyoung : we're going to the beach today after this. So once we reach home and have breakfast, we'll go there.

Naeun : okay.

Wooyoung turned to look at naeun due to the one word answer as he asked

Wooyoung : why, do you not want to go?

Naeun : no no. Of course I do, anywhere I go with you is fine for me.

Wooyoung smiled as he turned back to face the road, one of his free hand coming up to coil around naeun's as she smiled, holding her husband's hand with both of hers. She liked this, and she wanted to feel this as much as possible. It could be her last time feeling it after all.

______________________________

Naeun was now smiling as she felt the waves crash against her feet, the sky above her slightly cloudy and not too sunny. Perfect for a beach date. Wooyoung was just watching her from the side, a smile on his face as naeun picked up water with her hands and threw it up.

She looked so beautiful, wooyoung had thought, and so he'd taken a million pictures of her within the past few minutes, the wind blowing her hair back and the light making her skin glow. She looked like an angel, the kind that made you forget about all your sins.

And then wooyoung remembered, it had been his passion to take photos, and yet he'd taken none of his wives. He had taken a lot when they'd gone out for the trip but now he was going to take it every time naeun did something, special or not.

Naeun : young-ah! Aren't you coming!

Wooyoung smiled and nodded before putting the phone back in his pocket, walking up to naeun as she held his hands before dragging him into the water as well. Wooyoung grimaced as he felt the waves crash against his feet, filling it with mud instantly.

Naeun : isn't it so much fun!

Wooyoung : ew, the sand's making me feel kinda thrown off.

Naeun : really?

Wooyoung : mhmm.

Naeun let out a mischievous smile as she suddenly threw beach water at wooyoung's face, making him scream as she ran away from him as fast as she could.

Wooyoung : MY FLAWLESS SKIN NO!

Naeun laughed as wooyoung started running after her, the water splashing against their feets as he caught up to her and picked her up. Naeun squealed as wooyoung rubbed his nose against her, smearing the beach water on her face as well as naeun rolled her eyes before saying

Naeun : you're stupid.

Wooyoung : but you love this stupid man.

Naeun giggled as she leaned forward, kissing wooyoung as she rested her palm against his damp cheek. And to the onlookers they looked like the most carefree couple ever, not a single problem plaguing their relationship.

Only they knew that this was another one of their lasts too.

_______________________________

A week later :

Naeun was now sitting with her head rested against the penthouse glass window that overlooked the city below them, wooyoung humming some music as he cooked dinner for them a few meters away from naeun. This entire week they had spent going around Seoul, even having gone to Jeju for a few days as a trip. Naeun had only ever visited that place for office deals, but wooyoung had shown her around the entire place within the span of 5 days, and he had booked another trip to Daegu for day after.

Naeun's eyes widened as a raindrop fell against the window, followed by another raindrop as the city soon disappeared under her due to the rain. She stood up from her seat, an excited smile on her face as she called out to wooyoung

Naeun : woo!

Wooyoung : yes I know it's raining. And momo get off the damned counter, you brat!

Naeun giggled as she said

Naeun : I'm going to the balcony.

Wooyoung : what!

Naeun didn't wait for a response as she rushed towards the nearby balcony, stepping outside as the cold rain suddenly hit her, drenching her hair and clothes. Naeun smiled as she closed her eyes, feeling the rain on her body. She had always loved the rain, and that was because of her parents. Because they'd bring her out with them when it rained and would play some nice music, the three of them dancing until they got tired and cold. It had been decades since she'd danced in the rain with anyone, and she missed it.

Naeun opened her eyes as she heard her favorite jazz music being played from inside the penthouse, the sound loud enough for her to hear clearly despite the rain. Was she dreaming this?

Naeun looked to the door as she saw wooyoung stepping into the balcony with a smile, walking closer to naeun as he bowed before holding his hand out for her to hold

Wooyoung : may I have this dance with you, my lady?

Naeun chuckled in disbelief, holding wooyoung's hand as she said

Naeun : but you hate the rain.

Wooyoung : but you love it, and I love you.

Naeun smiled as wooyoung stepped backward before stepping back in, holding his palm against naeun's as he walked in a circle around naeun who giggled before asking

Naeun : you know how to dance?

Wooyoung : I am a man of many talents, mrs shin.

Naeun giggled as wooyoung twirled her around, holding her by the waist right after before bringing her close again, their bodies following the romantic rhythm of the music.

Naeun : how did you know I liked this song?

Wooyoung : I heard you listening to it a year ago. And, you had this specifically be played at our wedding. This was the song we danced to on our wedding for the first time, remember?

Naeun remembered, and for them to be doing this again for the last time, the rain pouring down on them, naeun wouldn't have given this up for the world.

Wooyoung : I never told you then, but I thought you looked beautiful in that wedding dress.

Naeun felt tears prick her eyes as wooyoung twirled her around again, bringing them farther away from each other as naeun quickly blinked her tears away. As the music got faster wooyoung brought her closer to him again, whispering to her

Wooyoung : I wish we could do that all over again, marry each other again, so I could treat you as the bride you deserved to be treated as.

Naeun closed her eyes in pain as wooyoung lifted her up, spinning her around in his arms just the way he had done at their wedding 3 years ago. Except now he was looking up at her with love, so much love that it made naeun's heart well up in joy and pain. Joy of having found someone like him, and pain of having to leave someone like him behind.

The music slowly faded as wooyoung brought her slightly down, still looking up at her as he whispered

Wooyoung : let me do what I should've done years ago.

Naeun closed her eyes as wooyoung kissed her, their tears mixing with each other and the rain as naeun wrapped her arms around wooyoung's neck. And they soon felt desperation and need take over them, wooyoung carrying naeun to their bedroom as her hands worked on wooyoung's shirt buttons to remove them hastily.

And just like that, as the rain drops fell against the frosted glass windows of the couple's penthouse, their bodies joined to become one. As it was meant to be.

_______________________________

A week later :

Naeun was now playing around with momo as wooyoung set up the picnic mat at the park, the puppy running to get the ball naeun had just thrown before rushing back to her with it in momo's mouth as she chuckled and patted her head.

Wooyoung eyed them as he said

Wooyoung : she seems to like you. Whenever I come close to her she just bites me.

Naeun giggled as she picked momo up, her licking naeun's face making wooyoung rolled his eyes before saying

Wooyoung : only I'm allowed to do that though.

Naeun gasped as she whacked wooyoung's arm, making him giggle as he finally sat on the mat before putting out all the food for lunch in front of him. Naeun hummed as she sat beside him, momo cuddled up in her arms as she said

Naeun : ooh it looks very yummy.

Wooyoung : yes obviously, I made it after all.

Naeun : it suddenly looks very disgusting.

Wooyoung : okay then don't eat.

Naeun : actually nevermind I'll have it cuz you made it and I love you.

Wooyoung : totally not cuz it's delicious.

Naeun : definitely not.

Wooyoung smiled as he picked up a piece of sushi before feeding it to naeun, her humming as she mumbled

Naeun : heavenly.

Wooyoung : thank you, finally the appreciation I deserve!

Naeun giggled as momo opened her mouth as well, staring at wooyoung with eyes that said 'feed me too' as he sighed and gave the puppy a sushi as well. She seemed to like it as much as naeun.

Naeun let out a satisfied breath as she rested her head against wooyoung's shoulder, smiling as she patted momo before saying

Naeun : I wanted to come here one day with you and our kids.

Wooyoung pressed his lips together, naeun eyeing the family that was having another picnic a few meters away from them, the kids running around their parents as they laughed at their children's smiles.

Wooyoung : naeun-ah.

Naeun : I'm sorry I can't give that to you. If only I had more than a year left to live, I could've at least given you a child, an heir-

Wooyoung : I don't care about any of that. I'd rather not raise a child without it's mother to love them, it would be torture to have someone that keeps reminding me that if you were here, we could've brought them up together. It's either with you, or nothing darling.

Naeun smiled as she looked up at wooyoung, him kissing her forehead as he whispered

Wooyoung : you're all I need and want.

_____________________________

1 week later :

Today was naeun's last day at work, except no one other than naeun and wooyoung knew it. Naeun got sicker as days passed, and she knew that the rest of her last week in this world would have to be spent at her penthouse. And that was where she preffered to spend it, she'd rather she spent her last few days with her husband than at work.

She just wanted to feel all this one last time, this company that had been passed onto her by her parents, something that had been in her family for years. The work that accompanied her when she had no one, what helped her drown her feelings in. It had been the second most rewarding thing in her life, apart from wooyoung.

Mina : boss? You called me?

Naeun : oh, yes. I have something for you.

Mina frowned as she closed the door behind her, walking towards naeun as she stood up before handing over a bunch of keys to mina. Mina eyed it in confusion before asking

Mina : do you…do you want me to send your cars for cleaning, boss?

Naeun chuckled, shaking her head as she said

Naeun : those are the keys to a new house, a house that I have bought for you near the Han river. It'll make a beautiful home for your husband and you, and your newborn soon.

Mina's hands instinctively went to her stomach, her eyes widening as she asked

Mina : ma'am…how-how did you know?

Naeun smiled, patting mina's shoulder as she said

Naeun : consider it a gift from me for your services this past decade. And the other key, is for your new car. It's a Range Rover, I heard it was your favorite car.

Mina sobbed in gratitude as she hugged naeun, making her smile as she wrapped her arm around her secretary

Mina : thank you so much boss! I don't know…I don't know how I could repay you for all this.

Naeun : you don't have to, it's my gift mina.

Mina : you can be my son's godmother then, would you mind that? Being the first one to hold my baby after my husband and I?

Naeun bit her lips to prevent her tears, wishing she could do that. If only she lived long enough. Naeun pulled back as she smiled and said to mina

Naeun : of course. It's just that, if for some reason I am not able to attend it, would you let wooyoung be his godfather instead? Let him hold your son in my stead?

Mina : of course! I'm sure you'll be there but if by any case you aren't, then I wouldn't mind sir doing it either.

Naeun smiled and nodded, patting mina's back one last time before saying

Naeun : thank you, mina, for everything.

_________________________

Wonjeong : naeun-ah! I didn't expect you to come today. Is wooyoung not with you?

Naeun : he isn't, I just wanted to talk to you alone for some time.

Wonjeong : sure sure. Come in, the maids have made lunch. You can have that and go as well.

Naeun smiled and nodded as she stepped in, following her mother-in-law to the living room as she sat down on the sofa opposite wonjeong's.

Wonjeong : what did you want to tell me then, naeun-ah?

Naeun : it's about…wooyoung. As you know, eomma, I only have a week left to live. And after that, my company has to go to someone. And I wish for that someone to be wooyoung.

Wonjeong : oh, naeun-ah.

Naeun : I have written a will, it's in my office desk. If I told wooyoung this I know he would never let anyone take it, he finds himself unworthy to take my company as his. But it is my wish that he has it, as he is the man I love, and my husband. So after I'm gone, if you can, I want you to take the will and bring it to action. Wooyoung will only ever listen to you in this matter, eomma.

Wonjeong stood up as she sat next to naeun, taking her hand in hers as she smiled and said

Wonjeong : I will do that for you, I promise.

Naeun smiled and nodded before continuing with a shaky voice

Naeun : and um, after I'm gone, there would be no one left to really take care of wooyoung. I know it is too much to ask of you but if you could just make sure he's healthy, and happy. I just love him so much and I wish I could stay and take care of him but I can't…

Naeun trailed off as she shut her eyes, tears flowing down as wonjeong shook her head and hugged naeun. Naeun sobbed against her mother-in-law's shoulder as she said in a broken voice

Naeun : please take care of him for me eomma, please.

Wonjeong : of course I will take care of him for you, naeun-ah. I'll make sure he always remembers that you loved him, and always will even if it's not from this world.

Naeun nodded, knowing this would be the last time she'd get to hug her mother-in-law as she sniffled before whispering

Naeun : thank you so much, eomma.

Wonjeong smiled, wiping her own tears as she pulled back and held naeun's cheek before saying

Wonjeong : you're the best thing that's ever happened to my son, naeun, I hope you'll always remember that.

______________________________

[gditrisha]

Constancy | part 1 The Commitment

PAIRING: miguel o'hara x fem!reader / afab!reader GIST: Pinterest Boards, Wedding Expos, and all that jazz! Fem!Reader / AFAB!Reader is having a field day sharing her Dream Wedding to her husband-to-be. TAGS: established relationship, discreet proposal, marriage preparations, fluffy, domestic, wedding au TRISHA NOTES: aside from my writing, i designed some visuals and moodboards to make these imagines as immersive as possible! CONSTANCY SERIES | WRITING MASTERLIST 

Imagine one day Miguel initiated a conversation you'd least expect - he asks you about your "dream wedding". let's just say he once caught you peacefully curled up on the couch, remote still in hand with the TV auto-playing wedding planning videos it's taken over your algorithm, it is full of it

"Really???" you beamed then immediately retrieved your tablet, showed him your Pinterest Board, and had an absolute field day just explaining why certain details would work best

Miguel finds it adorable how your "Dream Wedding" Pinterest board is organized. He's amazed how everything is categorized with pics from attire such as rich-toned suits to dainty bridal gowns and bridesmaid dresses as well as different possible motifs, venues, venue styling, and table settings

You find it so sweet of Miguel to involve himself in the conversation, "Hmmm...instead of this suit, I'll wear the red maroon one. I don't think green sage is my color."

this came to you as a surprise cuz you knew he'd rather have a civil wedding. weddings are very costly and it's the vows that matter anyway, right? but he's actually giving suggestions???

Miguel notices the furrowed brow, he runs his thumb over it cuz it isn't a good look to your sunny self "What? I said green isn't my color...and sí, cariño...let's have a real wedding."

He then slides the engagement ring box on the table. it's a simple band encrusted with diamonds. he thought the simple design would go well with any of your rings cuz he knows you like to layer it

There's a high muffled "AAAAAAAHHHH" as you cover your mouth. You bounce on your tiptoes cuz you can't contain your excitement, Miguel carries you, carefully swinging you around in the living room, and gives you a kiss on your temples and lips

You'd both attend lots of Bridal Expos for weeks to come; trying to find more inspiration for your wedding and finalize your suppliers. Miguel holding your hand and pointing at the booths for the both of you to try. Imagine feeding each other free samples of cake and drinking wine (as if it were the ceremony already) garnering some "Awwws" from those managing the booths. You'd return back to your place with LOTS of pamphlets and business cards

The prenup photos isn't your typical shoot with a theme set in the day. No. As bubbly as you are, you knew a day photoshoot didn't fit either of you. You both enjoyed the evening as there are no expectations from either of you, everything is more quiet, reserved for each others' company. The photoset features the city night lights and how you both welcome each other in the hazy glow, beautiful smiles captured in stills similar to a Wong-kar Wai film.

You change the name of the Pinterest Board to “Save the Date” and continue your discussion about the board. Editing it during your free time after kicking anomaly butt and saving the Spiderverse

This is the motif you and Miggy come up with. A mix of rich tones and soft hues. The warmth of burgundy and amber blended with the coolness of tan and sage.

TRISHA NOTES: I forgot I owned a wedding board myself and idk the delulu in me was like might as well. But on a serious note, I was just thinking of the possibility of it coming true someday ahihihi getting married I mean. Anywaaay, trying to have intervals between posts cuz I don't wanna rush it but Part 2 goal is 2nd week of September!

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

So for Jervis (BTAS, Gotham) and Riddler (BTAS, Arkham)

He didn't have a good relationship with Reader but she helped him once. Now he helped her out and is kinda cocky about it, saying that now they're even. She just rolls her eyes and says "Thank you my hero." And kisses him on the cheek before casually walking away "See ya."

"Oh, my hero." Mad Hatter x f!reader, Riddler x f!reader

We do love flustering these men sometimes, don't we? They deserve it.

Tw: surveillance mention

BTAS Mad Hatter

- You'd rubbed him the wrong way once by calling him ridiculous. Or was it his costume you called ridiculous? Either way, he'd genuinely written you off.

- ...Until several of the Rogues Gallery were working together and you pulled him to safety from a smoke bomb. It was kind.

- When he finally gets to help you, he's sing-song telling you you're even and that he got to save the damsel.

- When you kiss him, he's genuinely shocked. He wasn't trying to be cocky, although he supposes it could have come off that way. But... your hero?

- It makes him feel fluttery in his chest, the thought. And... oh, you've already left. That whole time he was just staring at the floor blushing. How embarrassing.

- He's going to be hanging around a lot more asking if you need anything- no? You're certain? He's more than happy to- well, alright. But he'll be around if you need anything. Anything at all!

- He's got all the affection and loyalty of a puppy. You'll notice he starts using pet names like Dearest all of sudden. Treat him well.

Gotham Mad Hatter

- He felt neutral about you at first. Not really a dislike as much as not caring very much. But then there was a plan gone bad and you, being in the area, gave him shelter.

- He'd left the moment he could, especially after you teased about owing him. Not long after, he happened upon an instance where a guard was pointing a gun at your face. That won't do at all.

- After hypnotizing the guard, he teases "what would you have done without me?" With a coy smile. He doesn't expect you to kiss him and look at him that way.

- He almost considers following you, to seeing if you really meant that kiss. If you... perhaps wanted go continue it further.

- He'll settle for the tense but playful flirting you'll do when you meet at random intervals in the city of Gotham. Lingering touches and offers to teach you about hypnotism.

- And, even if it doesn't go anywhere serious, there's always the chance of a steamy and lengthy affair... and someone to watch your back as long as you watch his.

BTAS Riddler

- He got the impression you thought of yourself as on his level. Whether or not this is true is up for debate. Either way, he was rather shocked when you opened a path of escape for him from Batman rather than just saving your own skin.

- Hm. There's a chance he needs to re-evaluate this. After all, he's not so egotistical to think he's above a partnership of sorts, no matter what anyone else thinks. This is why the next time you're in a bind about to be caught, it's one of his robots that scoops you up to take you to safety.

- Of course, being Edward Nygma, he needs to gloat just a tad. Brilliant, wasn't it? Could you, in your average mind, have ever thought of such an escape? It was impressive, he knows.

- All that hot air quickly escapes him when you call him your hero and kiss his cheek. He's a blushing mess immediately falling over himself. Him? "W-Wait, sweet, dear lady, I think we need to talk about this-"

- He doesn't actually have anything to add, he's just still computing all that. Eventually, he's going to stumble on about dinner, he can make it- or go out! To discuss... plans! How to foil Batman! Yes!

- He's going to wear one of his nicest suits and bring flowers, the huge dork.

Arkham Riddler

- let's be honest, he likely thought you were a moron incapable of anything than being pretty and sometimes useful. It does not take much for him to have an opinion like this about people, particularly if he finds them attractive.

- When you do help him, he insists he didn't need your help in the first place! Don't think he needed you. He had the situation completely under his control. (He didn't.)

- While his instinct is to chalk it up to you being in awe of him, he does feel a slight nagging feeling like he might owe you. Perhaps.

- Strangely when you're in distress, outnumbered by thugs in Gotham- He makes a surprise arrival with several devices that bring them to their knees begging for mercy.

- If you ask him how get got there so quickly, he'll point his cane to a nearby cctv, "I have eyes everywhere. You should remember that. Oh, and you're welcome, of course. It's not every day the Riddler deigns to enter a fray with the idiotic incompetents in the streets." Preening and patting himself on the back in a smug tone.

- What he doesn't expect is your sarcastic comment and a kiss. He's stunned to speechlessness. If for around... 30 seconds, at least.

- "And just what was the meaning of that?" He's following you, being a pest, "Some misguided attempt to curry favor with the greatest genius of Gotham? Well... it won't work, I'm far too clever to fall for such base instincts."

- He's incredibly flustered and still shouting even as you round the corner out of sight. This is definitely not the end of this.

[freckolocation]

a post about signalis, a game i haven't finished, and how it feels to be haunted by a piece of art

(no spoilers save for a few quotes from the first hour or so)

the other day i asked a friend of mine if they'd ever felt like they'd been haunted by a piece of media. they told me about some experiences they had but nothing quite matched the way that signalis has affected me. this post is an expanded version of what i told them

i had heard whisperings about signalis around its release last year, and in march or so of this year, having recently finished the dead space and resident evil 4 remakes, i was itching for more horror. i picked signalis up in mid-april of this year and according to steam i have not played it since the 17th of that month. i played about five hours total

the first few hours were amazing, and with the exception of the dead space remake a few months prior, i don't know how long it's been since a game has sunk its teeth into me that deeply. everything about it was immediately fascinating to me--the world, the art, the design, the atmosphere, the soundtrack, the characters, the themes, the writing, the gameplay, everything

but the latter few hours were extremely frustrating, as someone not familiar with the more classic survival horror style. the combat is relentlessly punishing and the inventory system is brutally restrictive, and i wasn't approaching the game in a way that made it anything less than infuriating, as i didn't know how else to play

by the end of those five hours i didn't understand why it was garnering such universal acclaim. despite the world and atmosphere being unlike anything else i had ever seen, so uniquely tailored to my tastes in science fiction and horror and visual style, i found it incredibly laborious to play

ultimately, i assumed it just wasn't for me, and i decided to drop it entirely

but those first few hours were so gripping i couldn't stop thinking about it

there are a fair amount of literary references in signalis to works such as those of h.p. lovecraft, as well as an explicit reference to robert w. chambers' short story collection the king in yellow, a copy of the book sitting on a desk in the introduction. the collection is named after a fictional play mentioned within several of the stories, the second act of which would drive the reader to madness, the very first lines so captivating that the reader would feel compelled to continue

such a concept feels a bit too familiar, in retrospect.

i read what other people had to say about signalis. what their thoughts were on the things that frustrated me. i watched an entire half-hour review of it, and i began to understand that others found it just as enthralling as i did, and were simply approaching the gameplay differently, with more care and patience

and only a few days after deciding to give up, i decided that i hadn't given it the fair shake i thought i had, and that i would give it another shot

...but i still haven't opened it since i first decided to give up on april 17th.

a few days ago i came across a song: "no station" by the band 65daysofstatic, from their 2005 ep hole. the song prominently features a sample from the lincolnshire poacher numbers station, which operated from the mid-1960s to 2008. the transmissions, like those from most other numbers stations, began with something called an interval signal--in this case, a few bars from "the lincolnshire poacher," a traditional english folk song. a synthesized voice then recites a formatted string of numbers, purported to be encrypted messages for intelligence officers operating in foreign countries

there's a specific station that i think of any time i hear a transmission from a numbers station--one believed to have operated out of hungary from at least the cold war until 2005, known as the three note oddity. like the lincolnshire poacher, the three note oddity was named for its interval signal: a series of three rising tones, after which a synthesized voice would state "achtung! achtung!"--german for "attention! attention!"--and proceed to recite the numbers, also in german

a transmission from the three note oddity plays in the main menu and during the end of the intro to signalis, and it was the first time i had heard it.

a few days ago i rewatched blade runner 2049 with a few friends. it's one of my favorite films, and like the first, it deals with aspects of humanity in synthetic beings created by humanity, in humanity's image, to serve humanity

signalis has a similar concept, and similar themes.

when you are made aware of things in relation to a piece of media that affected you, you begin to notice things you may not have paid attention to otherwise

now i'll see a youtube video about the king in yellow, or hear the sound of a numbers station, or watch a movie about replicants, and i'll think of the book on the desk, of the three note oddity, of replikas.

i often say that there is too much art in the world i want to experience for me to dedicate too much time to the art i don't enjoy, and yet somehow this game i decided i was done with took such a hold of me that it only took mere days for me to decide it was still worth my time, despite my frustration

...and yet, i still haven't returned to it since the day i gave up, even though i said i would go back.

i think of the tones from the three note oddity and my memory repeats like the station itself

"achtung! achtung!"

as if this game i somehow couldn't bring myself to keep playing is calling me back, compelling me to finish it

there's a line from lovecraft's story the festival near the beginning of the game, an excerpt the protagonist quotes from the necronomicon: "great holes secretly are digged where earth’s pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl."

holes have been dug into my brain, and thoughts that ought to have dispersed have instead invited themselves in

despite the poetic yet haunting nature of the lovecraft quote, the penultimate line at the end of the intro is perhaps the game's most memorable:

"remember our promise."

signalis has dug itself into my head and latched onto my brain, and while it isn't a constant itch, it never completely goes away, and unrelated things keep guiding my thoughts to return to it, as though the game itself is haunting me

the game wants me to finish it, it needs me to finish it

and until i do, every time i hear those three notes, i will feel that calling and the hairs on the back of my neck will stand up

"achtung! achtung!"

attention, attention, it calls

i said i would go back to finish it, and yet i haven't.

but the game itself insists i keep my word.

REMEMBER OUR PROMISE

[k-ya]

july

The only things I remember from that day are: a dog, a track garden, a girl in green dry-fit shirt and blue shorts

Post that day I always found myself lurking behind the glass house, waiting for somebody. Although I didn't do that for long. Regretting was never my cup of tea so 48 hours later, I was in front of that somebody's doorstep, battling with my alter ego on whether I should knock or wait another interval. Of course, I don't regret the decision I made.

Actually, this is not where the story started at all. It started about three years back. When I had made an irreversible decision of living four years in a place that I chose on fluke. That was the first time I saw her. Didn't know her much but something about the way she held herself could make you never look away. I don't know what I noticed in that interaction but I did covet her personality ever since. Maybe it was the atmosphere her room had, decorated with lights of her choice, which spoke so much about who she was. All these years later now, I still feel the same way. Except, we have evolved in ways one cannot fathom. And I am not writing this only because I am sad and I miss her. I do miss her but it was also how I honestly and unapologetically felt. After 3 years of giving signs and trying to accept myself for being different, I finally was at her doorstep, with an excuse so trivial, nobody believed.

When we first started acquainting, I felt she kept herself from everything. At the time, I did not know what it was but I was sure she held back from a lot of things, had a lot of walls around her, protecting her from all the hurt she might have hid from the people close to her. I did find out about it later but since that is not why I am writing this either, I will let it be for another time.

Because that July, all I did was cancel plans with my friends so I didn't miss out on her looking for me, or coming into my room and leave in disappointment in case I wasn't there. Maybe I was afraid she would never come back.

To be honest, I did not want to save her in particular. I guess, I just wanted to get to know her. Become so close to her that I could not be separated. So I let her take her time to open up to me. I remember the first night we spent together in our dorm's reading room, by the window, of a rainy night, until late, talking about things that mattered. About what it means to have a friend in life, what should one expect from people in general, what was wrong with our civilization, how to deal with uninvited judgements thrown at us, what did we like about the rain. And I think that was when I asked why she was up that late.

"Take it slow?", was all she said.

And there it was. That Peter tingle that said she was being careful. Anyone else could have come up with a shitload of excuses to stay up. Like the unseasonal rain, for instance. Or the fact that she was going to have to sleep alone. I myself had made up another trivial excuse to wait up that night, for her to have someone to come back to. But maybe she did not like to lie? And I don't know how she felt about the inquisitive personality I displayed to her that night, because I knew for a fact that she would not give up her sleep schedule for just anything, considering what it meant to her. Of course I was intrusive, but she put up with it. Until we went to sleep.

The last thing about that night? I had a message from her, right after we came back to our respective rooms, at around 04:47.

"If it keeps you happy, keep it quiet"

So I did.

[sportsminorityreport]

Why ACC expansion, frankly, shocked me.

I know everyone looked at this and thought, "Oh this is a done deal. ESPN wants it. ESPN's deal with the ACC opens up for renegotiation should they drop below 14 full members. There are only 4 votes against this. Only one has to flip...It's a done deal."

I think something big and unexpected happened in the last couple of days to turn NC State into a yes vote.

I look at Florida State and I think they actually LIKE the ACC, they just want ESPN to pay all of the schools appropriately... ie say $45M per school with a little something something for Clemson and FSU that would allow them to blow TV money on NIL like the SEC and Big Ten schools are preparing to do.

ESPN isn't going to do that. They have the ACC schools locked in at less money than the Big 12 schools.

FSU makes less than UCF. Crazy.

ESPN looked at this and thought, we will pay $72M (number reported. It suggests an ACC payout is $24M and that ESPN will pay that for Stanford, Cal, and even SMU.) to the ACC if they take this trio. Stanford and Cal will take 50% over the next interval, staggered so they start at 1/4 shares. SMU came in agreeing to not taking a share for 5 years.

That would put roughly $50-60M in the ACC pocket to split as they see fit. Over 5 years, that would be $250-300M or split evenly $3.6-4.3M more each year for the 14 full members. An extra $18-21M overall.

I think the idea from ESPN's perspective was the ACC should give it to Clemson and FSU to allow them budgets that allow them to compete for national titles....to stay on par with the SEC and Big Ten.

Basically it was likely intended to be a "we aren't negotiating, here is the money to not kill the golden goose." payout.

I think FSU took it that way but the rest of the ACC did not.

Which gets you to an FSU no vote.

Now Clemson was probably more than happy to sit back and let FSU be the bad guy as Clemson quietly took 50% of the $50-60M. Clemson's stance was probably save the football golden goose, "Let's give 50% of it to the football champion and 50% to the football runner up." thinking that most years Clemson is one or the other.

FSU is often not, so this was probably a thorn to FSU.

UNC I think was thinking maybe to push the money to them or even just to block the move in order to end the conference sooner and allow them into the Big Ten.

NC State was the interesting one against it initially. It was suggested that NC State believes that they have the political support to force UNC to carry NC State into whatever conference they ultimately leave the SEC to join.

If true, that suggested NC State was going to back UNC until the end of time.

So I thought there just weren't the votes.

But then SMU bumped up the offer to 7 years with no TV share.

The discussion continued, but it didn't seem to be enough to get the vote to pass.

A story broke out that ESPN reached out to the Big 12 and asked them to consider adding Cal and Stanford as well as Oregon State and Washington State and ESPN would foot the bill.

I think this was a "Don't mess with us, ACC" move by ESPN, but it apparently was a toothless one.

The member schools of the Big 12 appear to have politely declined. (My suspicion is that the Big 8 schools abandoned by UT and OU remember the PAC totally shutting down any of their efforts to jump to the PAC over "academic concerns" and they likely blame it largely on Stanford and Cal.)

There was an interesting perspective that ACC schools might be leaning to vote it down because if a school like FSU left and paid a $120M exit fee and "appropriate value" to get the ACC to release their media rights (maybe as high as $600M), that $720M pie would be split 16 ways ($45M) instead of 13 ways ($55M).

Moreover, if ESPN were to reduce their payouts by $600M, that money would essentially go from the 3 new schools not having any of it, to having a equal share of that chunk.

But suddenly last night UNC made a very public declaration that they were a hard no vote. Why do you make that statement? I think it is pretty clear now that you make that statement to tell all the other no voters you will not be alone.

NC State flipped today. Why?

It could be the fact that reports suggest SMU extended their willingness to forego a tv share to 9 years. Maybe.

But I wonder....Did Duke and Wake Forest push back on the idea of NC State going with UNC to the Big Ten? Did they say there would be repercussions?

I think there is an interesting story there.

I am also surprised that no other schools became no votes.

I think in the finally tally Clemson appears to have flipped although they made a statement that suggested they would prefer ESPN to negotiate with them. No reason to be on record voting against Stanford if you lost the vote anyway.

The final arrangement suggests some of it will be awarded on a merit based arrangement (for example if you win the football national title you get $10M) but the bulk of it is being split equally.

What does that do? It still leaves ESPN on the hook for a conference where FSU and Clemson are going to become less competitive due to NIL money. It does allow all of the ACC schools to pocket ESPN's money and throw them the bird.

[sakuraswordly]

Tsubasa of Phantasia Season 1 continues from Tsubasa chronicle. In Tsubasa Chronicle Fei Wang Reed and the clone all vanish, right? But in Tsubasa of Phantasia, both Fei Wang Reed and the clone are still alive. And both Syaoran and Watanuki didn't have to pay their price to exist in this world.

That's why Syaoran's personality is based on the Tsubasa chronicle 100%. But you will see how much Syaoran changed from silent, gentlemanly to happy and playful(Thank Sonic later in the future)

I fell in love with Tsubasa Reservoir chronicle both manga and anime since 10 years old without knowing the words they said lol.(Before Tsubasa Tokyo Revelations both manga and ova came out.)

Because this Tsubasa chronicle. My first time studying English by myself. (Some my mother taught me.) Start to know Einstein because of this. Start to know Japan and first time learn Japanese by myself before finding a teacher to teach me Japanese. (Before became Tsubasa fan, I was Card captor sakura fan back then. (interval between 7-9 years old.)And the first time I started to study Japanese culture and Anime. But not not serious.)Start watching youtube because of this. I finally met Tales of Phantasia because of this.(And finally fell in love with tales of series.) The whole reason why I want my own computer. Because in the past I didn't want a computer at all(Why is this thing important anyway? Something like that.).

Another goal of mine is my comic show you guys see how good and talented people were in the past. And I want you to check that the owner who tells themself that they are original, makes sure they didn't steal from the real owner even betray the owner in the back.

Another goal of mine is to my comics, preventing them from becoming a barrier for art fans and company owners but to help them, and give them hope.

What Albert Einstein said....this is why I made this comic. Why I see my comic really important in the future......

That's why I was like Luz back then. I am not Tsubasa Chronicles fan anymore. I just create AU to continue my 10-year-old's dream that's all.

People said humans had only 1 dream paths path in life. But for me, I had 10 dream paths in life that want to fulfil. The dream that I want to fulfil now is to prove that my mother is not evil and never walks the wrong path.(If you want to know my feeling. Study Kyoko Sakura's life and you will understand why. Kyoko's family used to be poor because no one would go to listen to her father's teachings at the church they owned. This was because of his 'radical' ideas on religion. Her wish was for people to listen to her father's teachings.) And the next reason is that I want people to check me that I'm a bad person too if my mother is called a bad person.

And the dream I chose to do a comic on Tumblr is the same wish as Sonic’s wish. I can't go outside because I didn't have enough money. This is what I can do for the world I care about.(I don't think I need money now because money can't save my life or make my dreams come true later. After I knew what happened to Steve Job in the past. Let me give you a hint. I saw how selfish people were like what Steve Job saw and been through. How I knew about this? Ask my mother.)

I make the comic to avoid situations like Don't Look Up 2021 ‧ Comedy/Disaster ‧ ever happen again. I don't want people all around the world end up like Don't Look Up 2021 ‧ Comedy/Disaster or like NieR Replicant ver.1.22474487139... ever happen again. This is my another dream. The impossible dream. This is the true reason behind Sonic action why he want to stop Eggman. This is my another dream. It's true that Eggman does technology, but out of his own selfishness. Even robots can heal or life-like, but to be honest, this is not what I want. Eggman is not real evil person but even so this is not the world that I want.

Human is selfish, yes, but not evil. That is why I want to be by their side. Although I can't understand their feelings. It's like sonic being with Chris and not mad at Chris at all. This is my another dream. I want to know I always watching them and be there like their side even this world won't understand their feeling or their heart.

If you want to know why I understand characters deep, study Maya Kitajima practicing as "Helen"(Helen Keller) and "Princess Aldis"(Princess Origeld And Princess Aldis). Maya Kitajima from Glass Mask, who is able to memorize full scripts and acknowledges lots of acting techniques, but is barely average at school. She lampshades this by thinking she's just not interested in academic prowess.

[theghostus]

Hey, you...

It's been 6 months since my last update. Fuck.

Since then, I've had 2 jobs. Both are full-time, yet something in them didn't click for me.

My first job was at a physio clinic. I thought, well, during the interview, the Head of Operations summarised the job involved simple 4 things. I was like, cool, it was something I could do. Just do the damn job and go home. Turns out, it needs a lot of my peopling skills. Juggling to do the daily job (talking and scheduling appt based on the treatment plan given), the needing to follow up with clients (and no-show ones) to the daily closing. Not including the therapists' different personalities. The daily meetings (omg). At the end of the day, I was emotionally exhausted. I was stretching myself thin. When I was hired, there were 3 of us. One by one, quit due to reasons, including yours truly. The management assured me they would be hiring more, but I couldn't see myself doing the same thing repeatedly without completing the tasks set out the day before. I don't know what this is. I supposed it's the perfectionist in me, or I'm just nuts.

For the next job, I succumbed to desperation. I agreed blindly, which I came to regret tremendously. The first day was suspiciously relaxed. After all, it's the first day. Lots of writing in my notebook (god damn, y'all don't know how many notebooks I've gone through) and taking the lead from my senior. The second day was a little more hectic but still able to cope with my senior help. Third to the Fourth day, she was on MC. That's when things took a dive. The other admin (seniors) started to push coz they saw me doing nothing. Like, duh, my senior taught me for 2 days; how would I know what I was supposed to do. Oh oh...I forget to tell you. They actually keep track of what tasks admins do. I mean for every 15 min interval. Made me key in all the tasks I had done for the day. Honestly, on the first day, I realised this job was not for me, but I still gave the job a chance. Maybe just maybe, this is just a fluke, you know. Like the day I came in happened to be a busy day. Nope, I was wrong. I was hired as a receptionist with a 45min lunch. Wow. I had to take the mail daily during my lunch. You know why, so the person covering me can update me if anything comes (courier, incoming docs) during lunchtime. Cool. I thought Chinatown was bad...fucking hell, the area was worse. Only 1 Malay food (okay, okay, I'm not exactly practising Muslim, but still, if I'm going eat the Indian food there, it's going dig into my savings) and 7-11 for lunch. Plus, I need my daily cig input. Already I was sucking 4 sticks a day. Sigh. Still, I preserved, hoping I could get through the week. On the fourth day, the senior admin lead gave me a 2hr one to one tutor. So I'm expected to understand and master MYOB in 3-4 days. Well, she didn't need to. She said since she was free, she could. Her time, her call. Each day, I found it hard to complete the timesheet as I didn't meet the 8.75 hrs.

So the Fifth day came, and my senior was still on leave. The lead senior (asst to manager *eye roll*) had expectations that I to be an outgoing person, which I never was when we first met. I know I'm supposed to fake until I make it, but I can no longer do that. Maybe because I have nothing that drives me like before (the evil house). Yes, I'm an anxious empath. I guess that's the problem. I have always found it hard to approach people. I always try to read their body language and expressions. Well, back to the bitch. She got frustrated because I didn't ask the accounts for their dustbins. After all, they always do their housekeeping (vacuuming, throwing the rubbish in the baskets) on Fridays. I mean, 1 team were out for a meeting, so I was supposed to tell them about the throwing the rubbish thing. However, when I thought my other colleague (let's call her Shorty) had informed them, I mean, let's divide and conquer for the 1st week, right? Nope. Strike 1. That's not what the bitch wants me to do. "When I told you to tell/ask/check them for their waste basket, I don't need to tell you how to do right?" So I went to tell/ask/check the rest of the office and collect the rest of them. By then, I had already gone down with Shorty to the bin and returned. "You have to tell/ask/check coz they're busy with work. Now you have to go down again!" Strike 2. After everything has settled, my manager asks to see her. She discussed with me how my week was going. Obviously, I got complained, yet she said I 'observed'. She said all the BS that I knew was coming. I lied again about the difficulties I had. Then she mentioned I opened the wrong client mail and 'explained' the importance of checking and making sure. I truly believed that I was right. Till I check again, to my horror. I opened the wrong mail. Strike 3. I had to cover my tracks. I notice one of the mail is missing. I assumed that's how she knew. I told myself to fuck it. I don't care about the job anymore. I was so mad at myself and everyone I left without switching off the lights and the mail on the table. When I reached the train station, my conscience didn't allow me to board. Thankfully I had not tapped in. I turned around and walked back 10mins. Grabbed the mail, walked 10 mins to the mailbox, and boarded the train. It was the only right thing I had to do when I served my notice on Monday.

Both jobs, of course, the hirer was shocked. I didn't give a damn about what they thought. As usual, I lied; otherwise, they would want to rectify what went wrong. At least at the clinic, I had a few folks chat with me, not about the job. I was super miserable at the accounting firm. I know I said I don't need anyone. Besides but no one went to lunch at the same time as me except the bitch and shorty. The first day, the bitch offered to have lunch together my brain wanted to say yes, but my mouth said no. Good thing I didn't.

So now I'm still unemployed.

It's 3 days till Xmas. One week till 2023.

3 months till my 40th.

Sigh.

I still have this MOE interview pending next year. That's my last full-time interview. After this, I'm done.

I'm just looking for temp jobs...I can't handle the pressure of expectations and being around people. Gonna look for WFH job if I can find one. At least it saves me the transport and lunch money.

Sigh.

2023. Please be kind.

21/12/22

[bard-of-cat]

after nearly three years, i cut a friend off completely.

we started out as roleplay buddies, then we got closer and closer as people until we were d8ing, and we stayed d8ing for two of those three years. they met my fucking parents, we went on holiday together after saving up for fuck knows how long because we were long distance, we were tied by the hip.

and then

they started being busy all the time. i always felt like an asshole bringing it up, because it wasn't as if they could change their schedule or suddenly not need money to live, but it still felt bad; they'd wake up, go to class, then go to work, then go home and immediately fall asleep. during their days off, they had color guard, so it was wake up, class, practice, fall asleep, or it was a game day, in which case they were gone All day.

i felt bad. everytime id start chatting, they'd abruptly leave to the next thing - and of course i know they didn't mean it, but the sudden start and stop was really upsetting to me, we'd begin discussing and idea and then suddenly they were gone and i had all this excitement and nowhere to put it, or id feel relieved that they were finally home only for them to be so tired they were incoherent and id have to push for them to please sleep.

and i get it

they were working hard and so, they were tired, that isn't their fault. this wasn't why i broke up with them

the thing is, i told them what hurt about this, it was the unpredictable in and out, id ask them hey, if you're at work or at band or anywhere like that, please don't text me until you're out. it feels bad when you suddenly leave at completely unpredictable intervals in the middle of a convers8ion, just w8 until you're out for good. and they didn't. they kept texting me because they just got excited and wanted to talk to me. which.. i mean, its sweet. but it still hurt.

another issue that sprung up around that time is that they just couldn't be any sort of support for me (during their time off, i wasn't about to start venting in the middle of their shift). if i was sad at something else, they just.. said the /worst/ possible things. not intentionally, i know they didn't mean it, they just sucked at comforting people;

either they'd be unknowingly hurtful (i.e. the time i was talking about how i feel like ive messed up my chances to be something good in life and whatnot, so their response was "id hate to see you waste your talent" and then they were confused as to why i got more upset), or just.. repeat what i said, but get it wrong. then get annoyed when i didn't feel better ("im feeling sad because of so and so" "oh.. yeah, i think you're sad because of this and that" "..okay.." "you know i cant read the tone of that (i have previously explained what the tone is many times)"

when it did involve them, it was worse. not only did they say hurtful things unwittingly, but they only cared about being forgiven. they did not do this by trying to make amends, they did this by constantly trying to convince me that they'd done nothing wrong actually and it doesn't make sense that im upset

a lot of times they only cared about me forgiving them, and once i said the words "i forgive you" or "i know you didn't mean it", they'd happily consider the issue over and just move on. id have to tell them no, im still upset.

"but i didn't mean to" when i never said they did

"id never want to do that to you" when they did

"but i just got confused, whys that so bad?" when i just explained, in detail, why i was upset

"im just living! what's wrong with that!" absolutely nothing and i NEVER SAID THAT.

and when i say detail, i mean detail. i can be very long winded, and all this time, they keep saying they just need p8ience, they weren't raised with a loving family that apologized, so they just don't know what comforts supposed to be like

and i could sympathize with that. they asked for p8ience and guidance, and that's what i gave - when they messed up, i talked them step by step through it. i gave them guides as to what i expect from them as a partner when i was hurting and why i would like it, i acknowledged it every time that i knew what upset me was irrational, whenever i caught myself being cagey or trying to 'indirectly communic8' id stop myself, apologize, and talk directly about the issue.

and they just didn't listen. ever. their behavior did not change.

i found myself lashing out more and more. like, id be already so upset im crying, and id sit down to explain why i was upset and what exactly id like them to do about it when it involved them and their actions, and then they /didn't/, so i lashed out. i got angry and just started telling them to leave, go away, just go, i'll deal with it myself, you're not helping. sometimes i just yelled at them.

a vicious cycle started up -- i never got any of my feelings resolved, ever, id just get too exhausted of arguing back and forth about the same shit over snd over and over that id give up and agree to just move on, so i was constantly drained and on edge, which made me very touchy, which meant that stuff I would've overlooked before suddenly became very upsetting. like, these convers8ions became a regular, everyday thing.

i tried to commit suicide because of all this. im aware its a bit of an overreaction, but that's how bad it got, how bad i got.

and we broke up, after talking about it with a mutual friend.

i didn't want to stay friends after breaking up. i wanted to cut them out entirely, but they cried and begged and said they couldn't handle me leaving them, so i stayed. we stayed friends.

and it was.. still bad but less worse. i just didn't expect anything big from them anymore because they're just my friend instead of my partner

but, y'know, we were still talking very frequently, so all the issues from before stayed. they started falling asleep really early, in between conversations and, more often than not, in between discussions. i cursed them out for this more often than not.

they said they thought they had narcolepsy and i was doubtful, because we'd met irl and they'd never unexpectedly fallen asleep on me then, but i realized i didn't really know much about the condition, i could be judging it on nothing but a stereotype. so, i believed them. i stopped asking them to not fall asleep until we're done, and instead, just give me a heads up.

they didn't.

well, no, that's not fair, currently, they do, but i had to remind them almost every day.

they also said that after the end of that month, there'd be "no more band, ever, until after all of october", and i was thrilled. turns out they meant "no more game days, but still regular practice, until about halfway through october"

another thing is.. well. this is going to be mean, i know, but they're kind of stupid. as a person. they just don't understand concepts no matter how many times they're explained to them, they're just slow, generally. and at first, i was fine with it, i mean, everyone struggles with some things, but after everything, being constantly misunderstood every single time i swallowed all my anger and hurt for the sake of just having a good time together. id put forth ideas and things that i really cared about, and they wouldn't understand. id explain, they wouldn't understand. id explain again, they still didn't get it. id give up and they got upset, so i comforted them til they felt better.

we're still roleplay partners, so being understood and able to put forward ideas was important to me. recently, i started trying to tell them about a podcast i /really/ liked, and explaining how we could work it into some scenarios. they didn't understand. i got upset, the same everything ive been talking about this whole time played out, and i gave up on it.

i told them that i think we're growing into very incompatible people, we barely have any common interests anymore. they freaked out, said i was leaving them, that this was their worst fear. i said that i was sorry, but like, everytime i wanted to tell them something i was excited about, i just felt scared instead of excited - because they wouldn't understand, and it would hurt. i don't know why being misunderstood is such a big deal to me, it just is. they said they'd never want for me to feel unsafe like that, ignoring the fact that i.. y'know, do. i told them that we're always fighting, my feelings are constantly hurt, whenever i try to put it aside and engage with something nice with you, it goes wrong. they said that, that wasn't how they remember it, that we've talked for days happily.

i don't remember that. all i remember is being hurt nearly all day everyday for.. weeks? months?

then they had to go to work, so i was alone to think about it.

i ended up telling them that maybe im just overreacting, and like, once i find something we both like it'll all be okay again. they agreed (?) and were just really relieved that i wasn't leaving.

as soon as i felt a little better, no thanks to them, i tried to explain the podcast thing again. i broke it down piece by piece, being as direct and literal as i could.

they didn't understand.

i told them how upsetting this was, and they said they just needed patience because they're autistic --- note, they've been autistic this whole time, i was the first one to notice and encourage them to go get tested, which is why i stop myself whenever i realize im not communic8ing properly with them, ("...i'm fine." "oh! okay! anyway," "hey so actually, i know that i said i was fine, im not, im upset, i expected the elipsis and the period to indic8 that, im sorry for not being direct", so on) this isn't a new thing that they just decided to say now, -- and i was like alright. you're right. i'll explain again

they asked me if id rather explain in the morning

i realized they were telling me they'd like to sleep

and... i know its wrong of me, i know they couldn't help it, but that felt really bad. i was crying already, and even then, when they asked for patience, i was willing to give it to them no matter how i felt, and- i think it was the way they said it. "im upset you don't understand" "i need patience because of my neurotype" "you're right, im sorry. i'll explain to you" "umm aha so like tomorrow?"

it just

it made me so fucking sad. i said no, id rather just not text them at all tonight.

and they left, y'know, no questions asked

so i lashed out again, i sent them a bunch of messages yelling, they didn't see, being asleep and all, so i..

i realized that i was the one to blame here. im constantly putting both of us in no-win situations, i keep handing them my heart and then being surprised they drop it, even when they've done the same thing nearly every time. and i realize that they don't mean to, they just can't help it, its how they are, their neurotype and any additional disorders they may have means that it /will/ happen again, even if they don't mean to.

the only winning thing to do is for me to stop trying to trust them with these things.

so,

i did.

i deleted the messages, because i knew what would follow, they'd apologize saying the same things as always, and id explain why those things don't help, then they'd say they didn't notice and they're sorry and can we just move on, etc, etc.

instead,

yesterday i stopped talking to them, turned off their notific8ions, unfollowed them, all that. no explan8ion. and i felt pretty okay for the rest of the day, but,

yknow

for someone that said their 'worst fear' was me leaving, they barely said anything.

i wasn't doing it to hurt them, of course, i know that pulling away to watch someone beg to get you back is wrong, and that was NOT what i wanted out of this. but maybe deep down i was thinking they'd at least.. i dunno, check in? "hey, are you alright?" or something

but they didn't

not a word

in fact, sometime in the night, they sent me a video of them cheerfully making bread. so not only did they not care, they didn't notice, and they were so unbothered that they just.. baked.

they didn't text me at all after that.

so i know that i did the right thing. i will continue to keep my distance, but i always just.. want to check. maybe they'll prove me wrong, maybe-- but no.

i dont want to block them because then its like, they're not texting me because they can't, not because they don't care to.

it really hurts.

i miss them. but i know this is the right thing to do. for both of us, it isn't fair to have a friend that is always getting upset at you

[mooifyourecows]

TFW you spend several hours editing and writing extra scenes for your chapter and you are really happy with how things have turned out and are about to save and post but then your cat walks across your keyboard and you lose all your progress and it’s 3 a.m. and you’re tired and frustrated and oh my god that’s so much fucking work completely erased so you just burst into tears hahahaha am I right

[brothebro]

(T, platonic geraskier, post s2, mention of alcohol, post torture)

There's something off about the bard.

Fuck. Friend. There's something off about his friend. Geralt has promised himself to stop this godsdamnit! This⁠— this passive apathetic behaviour.

The point still stands; Jaskier has been acting strange and Geralt can't exactly place why that is.

It's the way his friend seems to be unpresent when he's right there talking about everything and nothing. It's the way his heart seems to be racing and his breathing hitching in random intervals. It's the way he shies away, stays in the back of the room, in the freezing cold, always cradling a bottle of alcohol in his hands.

Geralt is beyond concerned. He's worried.

He doesn't understand what caused this change in the jolly, thoughtless man he knew for over twenty years. And sure, Jaskier still talks and talks and talks but he doesn't speak.

"What happened to him?" He asks Yen one day in the privacy of their shared room.

"You'll have to be more specific, Geralt," she rolls her eyes and he clicks his tongue. "Fine, fine… I already told you, he ran into some trouble in Oxenfurt."

"Hmmm."

He knows that's not it. He knows because he saved Jaskier from prison where Geralt knows he'd been put after peeking through a window in a brothel. It's not⁠— it can't be that.

Unless…

Unless something else happened to him in Oxenfurt since they'd split up on the mountain.

"I see the gears are clicking together," Yennefer notes, lifting the thick covers of their bed and scuttling inside their warmth. "Goodnight, Geralt."

"I have to talk to him."

"Finally," he hears her muttering under her breath. "Just, don't wake me up when you return, yeah?"

He hums noncommittally in response and heads to Jaskier's room.

There he finds him asleep, curled around a bottle of Vodka ⁠— Lambert's brew (where did he get this?) ⁠— eyebrows drawn together and breathing irregularly.

His friend is having a nightmare and Geralt will have none of this, ever again, if he can help it. Gently, he shakes Jaskier awake, the bard muffling a scream in the sleeve of his chemise as he regains consciousness.

"Fuck, Geralt," he says, hands trembling ⁠— when did his fingers get burnt? ⁠— and tears pooling in his eyes.

"It's alright," Geralt says softly, "you were having a nightmare."

"Is it morning⁠— oh, it is definitely not morning yet. What are you doing here, Geralt?"

"I⁠—" he frowns, the words catching on his throat. "Fuck." He tries again, "I am worried about you. Have been for some time."

A mirthless chuckle escapes the bard's lips. "Worried, he says. Since when⁠ do you—"

"Jaskier," Geralt cuts him off. He frowns. "When Yen told me you ran into some trouble in Oxenfurt, I⁠— fuck! What I'm trying to say is that I know there's more to it. You weren't in jail for "peeping", were you? What happened?"

"Oh, I was very much in for peeping, Geralt but that's not, uh, the way you think—fuck it," he takes a deep breath, gaze fixed onto his trembling burnt fingers, "Yennefer saved me, you know. Magicless and as human as it gets she," ⁠— he chokes on the words, heart beating fiercely inside his chest⁠— "I was being tortured," he admits and his voice is so small, so weak it hurts Geralt's heart, "for- for information about, well, about you and Ciri. But- But! It's fine, I swear I didn't give anything away, I swear, even if he'd burned me to a crisp I wouldn't have given anything away. I swear⁠—"

Slowly, as not to startle him, Geralt wraps Jaskier in an embrace. His friend cries against the witcher's night-shirt, tears staining it and shoulders shaking and Geralt hums little reassurances that it's fine, that he's here, that he'll never let anyone hurt Jaskier like that again.

He whispers he's sorry for leaving, for not coming back sooner.

Because that's what friends do.

They come back.

[feelin-lo]

Out of power, in the morning?

A short story by @i-simp-for-sundrop

Based on a prompt that a friend of mine requested during class today : "Cloudy goes into shut down during the day, in front of a child. Sun sees this and the Daycare is temporarily closed so that Sun can look after Cloudy before parts and service take a look"

Please enjoy and don't be afraid to tell me what you think ☺️

The day was brand new, the sun was up and the Daycare Attendant and Assistant were double and triple checking the area to make sure that everything was clean.

Soon, the loud screams of children came down the slide and crashed into the Ballpit, them came the sound of pitter patter on the floors. It was time for Playtime! And the Daycare Attendant and Assistant couldnt be happier to work.

You wouldn't believe me when I tell you that in the daycare, they have a mini time table, but for the activities. If there was "special time" then a small group (pre booked) would go with one of the animatronic staff for quiet reading time, private nap time or personal hug time. It was an interval of around an hour or so.

On some days, painting was Scheduled and so the staff of the Pizaplex would bring in extra paint and paper for the kids to use, if it was Arts and Crafts day, then they'd get in some spare arts and crafts items like glitter glue, pipecleaners or perhaps some standard glitter.

Other events may include; Daycare Birthday party!, Cloudy's quiet time, Sun's Hour of Craft or Moon's ambient resting time. Sometimes these can be booked on the day, you can pay extra for one on one. It's a great marketing tactic!

Cloudy (for some reason) wasn't himself. He was a little slower than usual, this usually means that he is almost out of charge, how could that be? He was charging all night! No matter. The kids mattered right now, if Cloudy "collapses then he collapses" he thought. Not wanting to worry the busy Sunny of his situation. And so Cloudy did his best to use as little power as possible, soon though, his speech was slower and it was making the kids uneasy and so, Cloudy stopped speaking.

His joints were making wierd noises and so, he stopped moving and instead sat by a play structure and only spoke when spoken to, to save power. "Mr. Cloudy?" A small girl said, tugging at his Kite tail. "Can we go to the quiet area together? It's crowded here..." She asked.

Cloudy sighed. Did he have enough power to make it through this? Should he now quickly tell sun? No... It was too late for that. And so, with great difficulty, Cloudy slowly made his way to the area bit stopped suddenly, feeling the energy depleting faster than expected "Mr. Cloudy? Are you ok?" She asked and Cloudy could only nod. "But your eyes are going dark!" Cloudy blinked and shrugged, he didn't know what to do. Suddenly, everything went black and all he can remember was a scream from a little girl and heavy footsteps comming his way at incredible speeds

-------------------------------------- ☀️☀️☀️

He wasn't moving, he had heard a loud thud, then a scream and when he came to investigate he finds his assistant on the floor, unconscious and lifeless.

He has escorted all the children out of the daycare, telling them "Come back in an hour or so!" And was left alone with his assistant. He was limp. Sun didn't like it and couldn't bare swing him like this, he was charged wasn't he? Sun should know, he put cloudy in charge himself! So why was he out cold like this?

Sun knelt down, lifting Cloudy's head and placing it on his lap and began his inspection. He had to hurry or parts and service would have him decommissioned for scaring a child and cutting playtime down. Sun carefully indid the bow on Cloudy's neck and opened his chest. There. He saw it almost immediately, there was something lodged in Cloudy's charge collector. A piece of paper with a note written upon it; "Rainbow is the key to serenity and protection" he read in his head. What did that mean? Sun didn't know.

He closed Cloudy back up and rushed him to the nearest charging port, which was in Sun's room and plugged his assistant in. Cloudy's eyes went green to signal that he was charging and soon, a bang was heard at the door .

"Sun? Where's Cloudy? We heard there was a problem so I need to take him to parts and service!" Officer Vanessa yelled. Sun moved onto his balcony and dove into the Ballpit, then ran to Vanessa's side. "He just forgot to charge himself, no issues!" He beamed (hehe) "that's not the problem" Vanessa answered "We need to check he's working. Where is he?" She asked again. "He's charging. And if you please, I'd like to get back to my job." Sun said sternly, it had startled the officer but she didn't argue and simply left .

The children came back and instead of being scared, they were worried about Cloudy. Sun reassured them that he was fine and playtime continued.

Once the daycare closed, Moon went up to the balcony and layed next to the still charging Cloudy, curling up in his cushioned trousers and shutting down himself.

[jjkclub]

before you go

pairing - hoseok x reader

genre - angst

trigger warnings - major character death

word count - 2k words

(based on the song 'before you go' by lewis capaldi)

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"y-y/n.." you heard hoseok say as you locked eyes with him. your throat tightened and your eyes welled up with tears at the sight before you. you and your boyfriend hoseok have been dating for 2 years now and you were happier than ever. since he and the boys had a comeback approaching, he used to come home late, completely tired and wanting to do nothing more than just sleep. 

knowing that he was over working himself unconsciously, you made it a habit to remind him to eat, take breaks and sleep at the right intervals. since your shift ended much earlier today, you had managed to stop by hoseok's favourite restaurant and pick up food for you both as you made your way into the bighit building.

the guards and staff knew about your relationship with hoseok even though it wasn't revealed publicly, which made it easier for you to enter the building without any issues. your first guess had been that he would be in the practice room but when you stumbled upon jimin in the corridor, he smiled at you and informed you that he was alone in his studio.

as you thanked him and made your way over to his studio, you thought you heard some noise coming from inside. you walked closer to the door and found it locked. knowing hoseok's password by heart, you punched in the code and entered the room, your jaw dropping at the sight in front of you. 

your boyfriend hoseok was sitting on his chair with another woman on his lap. he had his hands wrapped tightly around her waist as her hands were curled around his neck, both of them kissing each other passionately as you dropped the bag of food you were holding.

hearing the sudden sound from near the door, hoseok quickly turned around, panting after the make out session when he realised who had just entered. he watched your eyes tearing up as he felt nothing but guilt running through him. 

"fuck, i can explain i swear!" he said, running his hand through his hair in frustration as he pushed the girl off his lap and made his way towards you. "wait…" you heard the girl say which caught your attention. "this is your girlfriend?!" she shrieked out as you saw her guilty expression. she walked up to you hurriedly after she gave hoseok a disgusted look.

"i'm soo sorry, i didn't know that he had a girlfriend. trust me, if i had known, i wouldn't have even gotten close to him. i'm extremely sorry." she said genuinely as she bowed, tears lining her eyes as she realised what a horrible thing she had done. knowing that she was innocent and that it wasn't her fault, you said, "it's okay. i understand. can you please excuse me for a minute?" "of course." she replied as she scurried out of the room. 

once she left, hoseok quickly defended himself, "y/n i promise i didn't mean to cheat on you. it was just one kiss." "JUST ONE KISS?! hoseok i trusted you! i thought you were busy preparing for your comeback, not shoving your tongue in another woman's mouth! you absolutely disgust me!" you yelled out as tears streamed down your face, your head pounding painfully as you looked at the man you once trusted more than anything.

"i'm leaving. i'll have all my things out of your house by tonight. have a nice life." you spat out coldly, each word laced with venom which brought a lump in hoseok's throat. he loved you but he couldn't remember what urged him to kiss that girl. in his state of confusion, he began to think you were over-reacting. as you turned around to leave, he grabbed a hold of your wrist, pulling you closer to him as he shut the door behind you. 

"yah, what the fuck do you think you're doing?! don't you dare touch me. let me go!" "y/n stop over-reacting goddamnit! it was just one fucking kiss! just forgive me this one time, i swear it won't happen again!" at his outburst, you felt anger surge through you. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING JUNG HOSEOK?! IT WAS JUST ONE KISS?! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU FOUND ME MAKING OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY?!" you screamed at him, yanking your hand out of his grip as turned around and opened the door "don't you dare come near me. we're over. i never want to see you again." 

you rushed out of the room, tears running down your face freely as you reached the exit of the building and ran out. you didn't know where you were going or where you wanted to go but you knew that you didn't want to be anywhere near him. unbeknownst to you, hoseok was running behind you, trying to grab a hold of you and beg for forgiveness. as you kept running, you didn't notice the signal change colour as you ran across the road. 

you started to feel dizzy from all the crying and exhaustion but you pushed yourself to go to the other side of the road. deciding to call your bestfriend and tell her that you wanted to stay over, you quickly turned to pull out your phone when you noticed a bright, blinding light shining on your face. you raised your hand up to your face to shield your eyes from the harsh light and before you could process what was happening, you faintly heard a voice calling out to you before everything turned black.

------------------------------------------------------------------

hoseok paced around the small waiting room, crying as he waited for the doctor to come out and give him he news. the news that you were fine and you'd live. a few minutes prior, hoseok saw you get hit by a car, your once warm and bubbly self now lying cold and lifeless surrounded by a pool of your own blood in the middle of the road. at the sight, hoseok felt his soul getting sucked out of his body as he started screaming and crying for help, desperately carrying you in his arms to try and save you.

he managed to get to a hospital quickly but little did he know, he was too late. as you were quickly placed on a stretcher and rushed inside, hoseok was asked to wait while the doctors tried to keep you alive. in the span of minutes, the rest of bangtan had arrived at the hospital to keep him company as paparazzi flooded them, trying to figure out why the biggest boy band in the world were in the hospital. 

the tension was thick in the cramped waiting room. hoseok was now seated on the floor in a corner, holding his face in his hands as he cried out, repeating the word 'sorry' over and over again. namjoon and yoongi had tears in their eyes as namjoon couldn't stop his hands from shaking violently. you were like a sister to all of them. you had been there to support them since the beginning and the thought of never seeing your cheerful face around the dorms was terrifying. 

jimin and jungkook were crying almost as badly as hoseok. they loved you a lot, some might think they loved you more than hoseok did which made it harder for them to process your accident. you were always protective over them, despite you being younger. you always spoiled them and played games with them which made things hurt a million times worse.

jin didn't speak a word at all. he simply couldn't bring himself to. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful, kind hearted and loving person that they had ever encountered. you were always willing to help him with any sort of chores and never said no to anything which he admired about you. he had his eyes shut tightly as he muttered soft prayers over and over again, hoping that you'd be fine.

unlike everyone else's hard state, taehyung was beyond confused at why everyone was crying and waiting at the hospital. when he first heard the news, he couldn't help but laugh. ah, our y/n is back to her silly pranks again, he thought as he entered the car, thinking all of them were going to go for practice or for dinner. when they stopped infront of the hospital, he sensed something bad was happening. now, as he looked around at all the member's crying faces, he couldn't help but burst. 

"yah! what the fuck are all of you crying for?! is it because of that prank y/n is pulling? are y'all that dumb, hyungs? she's just started her stupid pranks again! why do we have to come to the hospital for this?..." his words slowly fading as he took note of the hard expressions on all of their faces. "it is a prank… right?" he asked once again, this time, feeling unsure of his words. 

"taehyung-ah…" yoongi started as his voice started shaking. "it-it's not a prank… y/n has seriously met with an a-accident." taehyung felt his eyes watering at yoongi's words. "hyung, stop it. it's not funny at all. STOP LYING!" he yelled as he felt a few tears roll down his cheeks. "WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE AT THE HOSPITAL THEN, HUH?! WHY DO YOU THINK HOSEOK'S SHIRT IS COVERED IN BLOOD AND NONE OF US CAN STOP CRYING?!" yoongi shouted at taehyung and started sobbing uncontrollably, falling to the floor as he wrapped his hands around his knees and rocked himself slowly. 

taehyung still couldn't believe it. how could his precious y/n have met with an accident? he wondered as he finally started to believe his hyung's words. he started to cry, gripping his hair in his hands as he hoped this was all a dream. he couldn't take it anymore as he stood up, running towards the door of the room you were getting treated in as he started banging on the glass, unable to control his emotions anymore.

after a few minutes, he slowly slid down to the floor, and continued crying into his hands. minutes felt like hours as all of them waited for the doctor to come out and update them about your condition. finally, the door creaked open as everyone's eyes darted towards the door, hoseok rushing to his feet as he stood infront of the doctor. he looked like an absolute mess, his hair was all over the place, his eyes red and swollen from crying and his lower lip bruised badly as he couldn't help but bite them in frustration.

"i'm really sorry to say this but, she's gone." the doctor stated with a crest-fallen expression. the exact words hoseok had been praying not to hear was being told to him, almost mockingly as he burst out in tears again, his heart aching terribly as he pushed the doctor aside and walked into your room. he saw your face and couldn't stop yelling out 'i'm sorry''s as he held your hand tightly. the same one on which he wanted to put a ring and claim you as his forever. 

he could barely recognize you. your usually warm hands were stone cold and your skin was pale which made him feel a pang in his chest. despite the deep gash down your neck, he noticed your lips turned upwards in a slight smile as he cupped your cold face in his hand, crying hard as he felt his world crash around him. 

he felt guilt running through his veins. would none of this happened if i hadn't cheated on her? would she still be here with me if i had held her closer, just for a moment longer? he wondered as he knelt near your bed, his throat going sore as he kept crying and screaming out to you, hoping you'd wake up and tell him that you were okay, you forgive him and that you both could have your happily ever after now but he knew that it was impossible. 

maybe he doesn't deserve to be happy, he thought as he curled his hands into fists, hitting his forehead repeatedly to try and wake him up from this nightmare he was living in cause he couldn't live with the guilt and pain. 

you had died for a mistake he had made, and he could never forgive himself for that.

[irkimatsu]

Eurovision is coming~ I've listened to the playlist far more times than I can count, and my opinions are becoming more concrete.

France is my favorite, hands down. That one grabbed by the throat hard and it won't let go. It has a lot of the same elements I loved about "Shum", but is distinct enough in its own way. It's dark, it has a heavy beat, I just love it. I guess electronica with folk elements is just my thing - "Spirit In The Sky", "Shum", and now "Fulenn". A great lineup if you ask me!

Austria was a very close contender for first - "Halo" and "Fulenn" battled it out for a bit. It gets a cushy spot in second, at least. What an awesome party song. Other favorites include Israel, because what's my top five without at least one really obnoxious song that no one else likes? It's just so campy and fun, I think I love it for all the same reasons it annoys the hell out of everyone else. Moldova also gets a spot in the top five for being so fun! Not sure what rounds out the list yet... Czech Republic? Other contenders for top five include Cyprus, Finland, Romania, and Spain. Things can change by the time I make my final ranking next month. We'll see!

Songs that aren't making it to top five but that I still really like include Albania, Lithuania, Slovenia, Ireland... and Bulgaria. Yes I said Bulgaria. I really don't know why everyone's shitting on that one so much! Yeah, the lyrics are absolute word salad, but come on, this is Eurovision, that's par for the course. I've been listening to European music for so long that I don't even notice nonsense lyrics anymore. Go listen to some Eurobeat and then come talk to me about lyrics that don't make sense. (A rock-flavored Eurobeat cover of "Intention" might be fun, actually...)

And then there's Serbia, which is on a whole other level. As a piece of music, I like it well enough but wouldn't call it a favorite - but translated, they're some of my favorite lyrics of the year, and I like the artsy staging. Even if it's not my personal favorite, it's one of those that I most want the best for. It's so experimental, and I love experiments! (Just wish the music video didn't have chewing noises...)

Georgia is a fun experiment, too. Perhaps the most I've enjoyed a Georgian entry in quite a long time! Love the chiptune elements. It's a fun song! Everyone's having so much fun experimenting this year! It's so good! I'm using the same words a lot!

Norway and Latvia are both so batshit that they defy proper judgement. I love Norway, though. A friend suggested Jyushi finding a wolf in the woods and immediately befriending it and naming it Keith and/or Jim, and I can see it so well. It's delightful. Latvia isn't quite as good, but the music is catchier than it has any right to be, and my brain will be shouting that opening line at random intervals until the day I die. I'll probably be eating a cheeseburger during the performance, though.

Is Greece's entry supposed to be creepy? Because holy hell it's creepy. Unintentional yandere anthem right there. Can't listen to it without thinking about Ichimi, even if the relationship she's trying to save via murder-suicide only exists in her own sick little head. Musically it's on the lower rungs for me, but those creepy fucking lyrics. If I bring back the "biased" category, this one goes in there.

Last place is Croatia, there's no contest on that one. Sorry, Croatia, but your lyrics are infuriating. Funny thing is, when I saw the title "Guilty Pleasure", I hoped that it'd be vague enough for me to use on ships that have much, much more to feel guilty about than cheating. But then it turns out to be "just" cheating, and I lose interest. Brains are weird. But I don't think the problem is just that it's a cheating song, it's that I don't like when cheating songs are so... wistful? I think a song with lyrics like this needs a bit more self-awareness about how terrible this is, or a reason why the betrayed spouse deserves any of this. As it stands, I have no idea who the hell this is for. There's nothing for me here. Welcome to last place.

Italy gets the reward for "song everyone is shitting themselves over and predicting as the winner, song that will definitely score well, but I'm a stupid monkey who prefers party music and so I don't like it much". Oops. Always need that one every year. Don't get this one at all. Don't think I'm smart enough.

San Marino is also kind of annoying.

Less than a month to go! Can't wait! (If I can get time off from work...)