#don’t say it cause I feel like I’m such a horrible person and toxic and etc for thinking like that

[alchemistc]

911 was always in my periphery bc of how popular Buck x Eddie is on Tumblr and Ao3. I didn't really want to watch a cable network procedural drama, especially one that came off as so unserious. I could also see how such invested shipping by a lot of fans who are young and think it’s ok to demand things from the cast and crew would inevitably become a toxic cesspool. I stand by that assessment of the show based on the behavior of the fandom these last months, as well as the overall quality of the writing and how often good story lines just get dropped or undermined.

However, I heard about Buck coming out. Over the summer, I was going through a lot and feeling aimless, so I finally started watching the show. And I liked Buck and Tommy, but what I really loved was the quality of the fan works they inspired. At the end of the day, I never really had real expectations of high quality television from a show like 911; that’s not what it’s for.

Despite this, what really affected me last night—which was also the first episode I bothered watching live ever because of how terrible this last week has been—wasn’t even how badly it was executed or the fact that they broke up. But how unnecessarily and viciously cruel the whole thing felt?

What was the point of showing Tommy as a caring, supportive, present partner in the previous episode if it was going to lead to an unceremonious break up? What was the point of showing his yearning for connection and family only to see him throw it all away? Why have him say such wonderful things about Buck moments before questioning the commitment of their relationship after six months together? What was the point of Buck getting that speech from Josh and bringing up marriage and moving in together and that Tommy had been a transformative relationship when it was going to end with him being dumped? It just felt so horribly cruel to see a character bare his tender heart and see it get stomped on. He looked so sad at the end.

Up till the very end of the episode, I was actually really enjoying it. Their acting was so good from heart eyes to heartbreak, and the show seemed to understand Tommy’s reaction to Buck getting hit on by those women would cause friction. It even made sense to me that Tommy would recoil at the prospect of moving in together because Buck clearly hasn’t come to terms with being queer yet (sir, you haven’t researched the Kinsey scale? You?) And Tommy is also clearly afraid to reach for the connections he wants and the seeming inevitability of his heart being broken and is masking that with nonsense about Buck needing to play the field and the biphobia present wherein. It was such an interesting depth to his character! I thought the break up speech was so well-acted, and I was so ready for the conversation they were going to have that would address it and let them move on together stronger. To see Buck learn from Josh and see the scars Tommy was unintentionally revealing in that moment and address them.

And then the credits started rolling and I felt like I got punched in the gut.

It was definitely the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, with the election and other personal stuff really stressing me out this week. Last night, I felt sick and unable to sleep, and I spent the morning bawling my eyes out. It feels like one of the few things I really looked forward to had been snatched away for the shock factor. I believe the interviews are the definite death knell, but even if you don’t follow the interviews, it was just a cruel way to end the episode. Even if this ends up being a temporary roadblock or they “fix” it, it’ll always leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyway, I’m upset that I let a show I always knew wasn’t very good affect me this much, and I regret spending months of my life on it. But the reason I wanted to send this ask was because my real hyperfixation these last few months was never the show itself; it was always the Bucktommy fandom. Reading some of the most beautiful fanfiction, including yours, these deep and intense character studies or au’s or future fics that show more love to these characters than the show does. The stunning art, the lovingly rendered gifs, the startlingly funny and insightful writing. The fandom has been my real love, and I hope that despite this huge blow, people like you will continue being so immensely creative and artistic for this ship.

I’m sorry this has been so long and vent-y, but I wanted to send you this ask because you’re one of my favorite fic authors, and I’ve been following your posts since last night and you’re still responding to anonymous asks. I’ve always been stealth in the fandom to avoid certain parts of it, so didn’t want this on my own blog. If you do publish it, I hope the other authors and artists and creators who have made my life better get to see it too <3 And that they don’t regret the time and passion and love they’ve poured into the last few months. I have appreciated it, if nothing else.

Hi.

First of all, please don't apologize for the length of this.

Everything you pointed out were exactly the reasons people joined this fandom. Everything you listed here is EXACTLY the reason it left such a bad taste in our mouth.

I'm sorry I won't be more eloquent in this post, because this is such a kind and thoughtful and lovely summation of all the things I've been hearing and seeing and feeling.

The point of all that, if we are to believe Lou (which I do, and honestly props to him for being as gracious as he was in those post-mortems: fucking TWO exit interviews for a guest star? wtf abc), WAS to pull the rug out from under the audience. It WAS to end it all on a shocker of heartbreak. They filmed the bulk of Tommy's S8 scenes AFTER the breakup. It is absolutely vicious and cruel and meant to make people talk about it. The engagement they are getting right now is to some extent WHAT THEY WANTED. I went straight to my notes after work and I can't be fucked to check the insta or FB to see if they've posted anything new and/or what the comment count is on the 8x06 posts but THIS IS THE INTENDED RESULT. Broken hearts, upset people, an increasingly toxic fandom crowing.

That's where I'm at. I think that's where a lot of people have landed. And it's so disheartening to see something that really genuinely drew people in because it was handled so gently and kindly at first just be ripped away and the door shut on it.

And honestly if they close the mid season OR open or close 8B on a premise that includes one of them being injured and the other having a Realization™️ I won't trust this team to do it genuinely or truly. Even the breakup would have held so much potential for me, but not like this.

Anyway. I'm sorry you're feeling so disappointed. I am grieving the missed potential of literally every plot they built up this season for every character and if I do watch it won't be live and I will likely have very little trust for it's potential. There has been So Much wasted potential.

And I want to say thank you. Even if you lurked, even if you disengage now, the creators who made those works made them out of love and they wanted to share them and the community around it all has been lovely to see. Thank you.

Some of us will still be hanging around building the world that could have been. I hope, if you feel up to peeking at that sandbox, that you feel welcome to go play in it or even just clap from the sidelines.

♥️

[kavehater]

I am so embarrassed I yearn like a guy 😞👎

[rawbin-hsr]

Rating HSR characters in relationships

Title is self-explanatory <3

Characters: Boothill, Dr Ratio, Blade, Aventurine (separately)

⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰

CW: cursing, mostly fluff and some crack

CW Aventurine's part: toxic dynamics, emotional neglect, jealousy, Aventurine in general

Lmk if there's any warnings I should add!

Had to restrain myself on Dr. Ratio I have soo bad brain worms about him rn he’s all I think about

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Boothill

10/10

DO NOT. AT ME. I PROMISE I’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. I know most people who read that will be like “what the fuck Boothill would NOT be a perfect partner” and that’s where you’re right ! No, he would be an awful partner !

For MOST people. 

But see, he wouldn’t be just ANYONE’S partner. 

If you’re dating him, it means you’re exactly his type and he’s exactly yours. You wouldn’t date a guy like him if he wasn’t exactly what you wanted. He lays out all his cards on the table right away. Your relationship won’t have the chance to even begin if you’re not head over heels immediately bro 😭😭😭

With most characters I can imagine them in a relationship with a lot of different kinds of people. Like for example yeah I can imagine Aventurine both dating someone more reserved and sweet or someone bold and loud. Or someone like Argenti Lord knows that man could love ANYONE (or anyTHING tbh), but with Boothill there’s just a very narrow range of personalities I can imagine him with. Hence the rating cause he’d only be in one kind of relationship. 

You guys are a POWER COUPLE I tell you. It’s SICKENING how much you love each other and how well you fit together. Two peas in a pod. I’m gonna throw up. 

You both love the exact same things, you both HATE the exact same things, and you are both equally deranged and insane

The IPC hates to see you coming 💀🙏

You’re constantly in a friendly competition to outdo each other. Who has the higher bounty ? (Usually him) Who can drink most alcohol before blacking out ? (You, surprisingly) Who can kiss the other the most times during this high-speed chase ? (You always tie on this)

He swallows a bullet. You say “I’ll do you one better!” and swallow a knife. You are a human and so he needs to take you to the hospital so you don’t fucking die

(You both think it’s funny afterwards so it’s okay)

Even when you guys “argue” it’s never really that serious. Honestly you both think it’s kind of hot…… you argue in a devious, sexy way……. *smirks mischievously*

Sorry I cannot take him seriously

You match his freak <3

Nobody fucking likes you together. Separately ? Sure people like you. But the moment the two of you are in the same room it’s like you merge into one singular, horrible, annoying entity and NOBODY wants to be around to see it 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 neither of you have gotten a lecture about how inappropriate pda can be and also the two of you speak total nonsense it’s incomprehensible to everyone else

Considering putting Boothill on my “do not request” list, not because I don’t like him but because even I don’t understand how the two of you would fit together I can’t write it y’all are that weird

Boothill is for the freaks and he is PERFECT FOR THEM !!!

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Dr. Ratio

9/10

Okay I’ll be honest I’m not very caught up on Dr Ratio (I briefly hated him I only recently started liking him again HELP) so forgive me if there is some mischaracterisation in this I’m working on it my view on him isn’t complete yet 🙏🙏

Though Ratio is very ruled by logic, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have emotions. Furthermore, he views these emotions as important. Logic is not inherently opposed to emotions, and in fact, ignoring them would be illogical. 

That is to say, yes, he’s an intellectual man. But he also has a high emotional intelligence 😇😇

Like not in the way of knowing how to cope with them. I don’t think he feels many strong emotions regularly (except for annoyance lol), so I think he in fact gets kind of overwhelmed by them around you and never knows how to regulate them properly HELP

But what I meant to say is that, in a relationship, he considers your thoughts and feelings a lot and makes an effort to prioritise them. He does not want for you to be unhappy. 

He values you very highly. He takes all your opinions into consideration and treats them with respect.

He loves you a lot it’s actually ridiculous. He frequently gets annoyed at himself for how much he finds himself downright SIMPERING over you. 

And like yes Ratio can be very harsh in the way he speaks but I think that 1, his care for people (including the “fools” and “idiots” he seems to scorn so often) shows and it shows even more apparently for people he cares about, and 2 I think he realises it would be inappropriate to be as rude as he usually is to you. You two are in a relationship, you are not some stranger. He cannot go around criticising you constantly, that would not be a healthy dynamic. Meaning he softens his vocabulary for you. 

His care for you is very blatantly obvious. In the beginning I think he’s a bit embarrassed to show you affection. He hasn’t ever dated anyone, much less been in a relationship, with anyone before you (I honestly don’t even think he’s had his first kiss 😭😭), so I think his inexperience plays a part in it. But he still shows you as obviously as he can that he loves you, and he doesn’t shy away from vulnerability in private moments. 

Bro has researched how to be a good partner trust 🤞

He communicates very clearly with you as often as possible. He hates misunderstandings, and tries to avoid them whenever possible. The two of you are almost always on the same page. 

Whenever you argue, he still does not want you to leave the argument feeling unloved. Type to sigh, let his eyes soften and say “I believe it would be best if we both had some time to cool down”, then squeeze your shoulder as he passes you out of the room. Kisses you goodnight before you go to sleep. It’s often easier to talk it out the next day. 

The only things bumping him down from a 10/10 for me is the fact that he doesn’t have that much time to spare for time with only you (his schedule is very packed), and the fact that he cannot cope with his OWN emotions 😭 Great with yours because he can logistically figure out how to handle them, terrible with his own because they’re affecting his own mind and he isn’t used to it

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Blade

7/10

Surprisingly high rating for a guy like him but I swear I’ve thought about this ok don’t leave 😔😔😔

I think it takes…. A lot. Like a lot a lot. To break through Blade’s tough outer shell

He hates letting people in so much it’s actually crazy

The closest person he has before he meets you is probably Kafka, and that’s not really by his own choice he would shut her out too if he could 😭😭

(Not to say he isn’t like, calm and polite to people. He’s pretty reserved and just, like, quiet ig usually, he only really gets weird and aggressive when the Mara flares up or he needs to be for a mission. I just mean he isn’t gonna be open and available for basically anyone lol)

It’s mainly difficult to GET INTO a relationship with Blade, but if you do manage it, it turns out a lot sweeter than you’d expect

He’s just a deeply tired man. He is not malicious, he is not unnecessarily cruel. He is worn out and sick of living, of never getting the rest he so desperately craves. He finds some sort of respite in you, and so he treasures you. 

He trusts your judgement. He stands by you, no matter what. He’s loyal to a fault once you have him. The worst that could ever happen to him now is losing you. Even when he thinks you’re about to do something stupid (and he always tells you when he thinks it’s stupid), he’ll come with you. Better he’s there to take the hit for you than letting you go alone. 

Even with the smaller things, he shows it even more obviously. He cooks you dinner and lunch every day, so you don’t have to. He lets you decorate his apartment, and he never adjusts the things you place in it, even when it clashes horribly with his own style. He lets you drag him along anywhere, whether it be a concert or a park, without complaint. 

The main downsides with Blade are that he never, ever, verbally tells you that he loves you. Maybe once during your entire relationship he’ll say it, and probably when you’re on your deathbed, but he usually won’t. Even if you try to pry it out of him. 

He can be really mean in the way he says things sometimes, like telling you straight up your ideas are dumb, but it’s always softened by the way he agrees to do whatever you want anyways.

Another frustrating thing is how he cares very little for his own wellbeing. It’s a regular occurrence for him to come home with guts spilling out of his abdomen, and it’s really uncomfortable to see even if you know he can’t die. He can still feel pain, even if he’s learnt to cope with it well. It’s scary to see him so hurt so often. 

But you wouldn’t get into a relationship with him if you didn’t already know all this, hence why I rank him so high. He’s a lot better than you expected when you met him, which means you’re effectively in a better relationship than you’d have hoped 😭😭

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Aventurine

4/10 💀💀

I love him so much (my content is mostly Aventurine centric) but holy fuck man,,,

I have never and will never sugarcoat it Aventurine is TOXIC. Like GENUINELY. I wouldn’t say abusive but he can be really cruel. He gets lost in his own head and takes it out on you in ways he doesn’t really mean to. Aventurine is not a good person. 

He’s fucked up in all sorts of ways and it’s no surprise it could easily destroy any relationship

Trust issues ? Jealousy issues ? Commitment issues ? Attachment issues ? Insecurity issues ? Mommy, daddy AND sister issues ? Every kind of possible issue you can probably imagine ? Yes on all fronts, bro’s the full issue package 💀

It would take a very special kind of person to endure in a relationship with him (I would not be able to do it if he was real I’ll be so honest)😭

When things are good, they’re really good. He can be so fun and playful and sweet and he loves to spoil you and everything that belongs to him belongs to you. He loves you more than the air he breathes and he’d do anything to make you happy

The issue is, most of the time, things are not in fact good. 

I keep mentioning it but his relationships are always such a push and pull. A game of hot and cold. One second he clings to you and begs you to never leave him, and the next he won’t respond to your calls or messages. 

Even worse, sometimes he’ll be outright mean in order to push you away, insinuating you’re “holding him down” and that you’re “wasting his time”. You’ll find yourself questioning if he actually does love you, because what sort of person does this to someone they love?

(It keeps him up at night when he treats you badly. He hates doing it, but he needs you to hate him as much as he hates himself.)

Usually he’s a really smart guy. Even when he does stupid things (things like making a purposeless high-risk gamble, playing Russian roulette), he’s fully aware of what he’s doing. (He does it because he kind of hopes he’ll actually die this time.) But with you, he loses all his composure and can’t really think straight. 

He feels safe with you, and that scares him. He’s a danger to your safety, and it’s better to push you away, make you hate him, than it is to let himself be happy with you. His life is beyond saving, so all he can do to you if you stay is drag you into his mess. He can’t fix himself, not even for your sake. 

He lies to you, he neglects you (sometimes for weeks at a time), he builds up new walls between you constantly, but at the same time he gets insecure and jealous when you hang out with others. Only when you threaten to leave him does he finally start getting his act together, because he realises that now that he’s had you, he couldn’t bear to live without you (even if he knows that’s very selfish of him). 

He gets better with time, but I really, really doubt he’ll ever be fully healed. It doesn’t help that his job wouldn’t really allow it, and he can’t leave the IPC through any other means than death. 

I originally ranked him as a 3/10 (diabolically low rating I know 💀💀) but I bumped him up one because he will get better. If you stick around long enough, he’d probably make it to a 7/10, but since that would take like over 4 years of being in a relationship with him I felt it would be unfair to rank him much higher 😭😭 At the start he really fucking sucks dude I’m so sorry my condolences 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3

[cameronluvr]

GUESS WHO PART 2 — rafe x fem!reader x barry x fem!reader

PART 1 | MASTERLIST ₊˚ෆ

summary: after going for an ultrasound to see the baby for the first time, you argue with rafe, get kicked out by your parents and discuss your options with barry.

tags/warnings: mentions of pregnancy, talks of abortion, mean!rafe, toxic parents, arguing, abandonment, mentions of pro-life, mild cussing, name calling (whore), angst — lmk if i missed any! . ۫ ꣑ৎ .

after seeing completely different reactions from both rafe and barry when you told them the news, everything felt ten times scarier. you were just thankful to have sarah by your side, who never stopped holding your hand or wiping your tears.

she accompanied you to the ultrasound appointment some weeks later and sat by your side the whole time, both of you glued to the screen when you saw the baby for the first time. that moment felt so unreal. there really is a whole baby forming inside of you. you didn’t know whether to be happy or sad, or scared or excited… you somehow felt all of those and more at once.

straight after the ultrasound, you and sarah went back to her house to hang out for a while. walking into the cameron household and heading up the stairs, you and sarah are stopped in your tracks by rafe exiting his bedroom. he scoffs and rolls his eyes at the sight of you, not having much to say to you yet. he hasn’t once been nice to you since the day you told him the news.

“wow, it’s nice to see you too.” you sarcastically scoff a laugh, making him stop and turn to face you. “you think i wanna see you?” he asks, subtly looking you up and down in disgust. “oh, grow up, rafe.” sarah shakes her head at her brother before grabbing your wrist and pulling you to her room.

“me grow up? i think she’s the one who needs to fuckin’ grow up.” rafe raises his voice and points at you. “me?” you ask, pulling your hand out of sarah’s grip to face him again. “yeah, you. actin’ like i fuckin’ owe you somethin cause you’re knocked up. it’s not my fault you’re a slut.” rafe shrugs, attempting to start another argument.

“i didn’t say you owe me anything—” you start, but sarah jumps in to defend you. “rafe, you do realize that this might be your kid? stop being such a dick and take some responsibility for once!” she says to him, raising her voice since her dad and rose weren’t home to hear.

“responsibility? are you hearing yourself? she’s the one who got herself into this situation and i’m the irresponsible one?” rafe raises his voice too, motioning his hand toward you. “i’m not saying that, rafe. i’m saying there is a chance that this baby is yours, so give y/n a chance. you decided to sleep with her.” sarah argues with a shrug, frustrated at her brother.

“give her a chance?” rafe laughs, looking at sarah as if you weren’t standing right next to her. “you want me to give you a chance?” he finally looks at you, grinning with amusement like this was funny. but you didn’t know what to say. what could you say to that?

“i mean… what if it is yours?” you ask nervously, trying to fight back tears. “i don’t give a shit. like i said before, i don’t want nothin’ to do with it. in fact, it’ll make me feel much better if you abort that fuckin’ thing now before it’s too late.” rafe cruelly tells you, watching tears fully form in your eyes. you didn’t have much else to say to him, so you turn to walk into sarah’s room before shutting the door and crying to yourself.

“you’re a horrible person, rafe. i hope you know that.” sarah shook her head at her brother, looking at him with disgust. “oh, so now i’m the bad guy? she should keep her fuckin’ legs closed then she wouldn’t be in this situation.” rafe argues with his sister, all while you cry it out on her bed.

“but you chose to have sex with her, you can’t say that when you literally put her in this situation!” sarah raises her voice again, trying to get her point across to his small brain. “i put her in this situation?” rafe frowns his eyebrows in confusion. “you weren’t in a relationship with her, you never have been... you chose to sleep with her, and she isn’t obliged to be loyal to you because you’ve been leading her on for months, so why shouldn’t she see other guys? own up to your actions rafe, you’re partly responsible. just be nice to her, you don’t have to be so cruel all the time.” sarah rants, just wanting him to hear her out.

he pauses for a moment before answering. “i am owning up to my actions. i just told her i don’t want anything to do with the kid, didn’t i? that’s her own choice if she wants to have it, but i’d happily pay for the abortion myself.” rafe says, throwing up his hands in self defense before turning away from her to walk down the stairs. sarah didn’t respond, she just sighed loudly. there was never any point in arguing with the boy who thinks he’s always right in everything.

she watched as rafe walked down the stairs and out of the house, slamming the front door behind him. she rolls her eyes and heads into her bedroom where she finds you sitting on her bed and crying. “y/n, come here…” she says, rushing over and pulling you into a tight hug. she comforts you for quite a while before offering to drive you home, to which you kindly accept.

in the car on the way back to your house, you talked to sarah about how you needed to tell your parents about the baby. you still hadn’t come up with the decision to keep it or not, with rafe’s awful words repeating over and over in your mind. sarah suggested ways you could tell your mom and dad, so you thanked her for everything before she dropped you off and the two of you shared a warm hug.

after exiting the car and waving her goodbye, you walk up to your house and take a deep breath before entering, slowly walking in to see your parents sat quietly in the living room together. your heart skipped a beat, you’d never felt anxiety worse than now.

your mom looks over and sees you stood quietly after shutting the front door. “hi sweetheart, where’ve you been?” she curiously asks, seeing as you’ve been going out a lot lately and not telling her or your father why.

“oh, just uh… out with sarah…” you sigh anxiously, fidgeting with your hands and trying not to cry. “you okay, kid?” your dad asks, noticing your trembling. that made you shut down completely. you couldn’t hide it from your parents anymore, the stress was eating you alive.

“i don’t know…” you shrug, your lips quivering as a tear rolls down your cheek. “honey, what’s wrong?” your mom asks worriedly, motioning for you to come sit down next to her. you listen and walk over, sitting down in between her and your dad. “you gonna tell us what’s going on?” your father turns to ask.

“uh, i don’t really know how to tell you… but…” you stutter and breathe heavily, not knowing what the hell to say next without starting chaos. “but what?” your mom asks, resting her hand on your shoulder to comfort you, her thumb brushing over your skin.

you pause before answering, trying to build up courage. “so… about two weeks ago i… i uh—” you stutter again, fidgeting with your hands as you look down at them. “i found out i was pregnant…” you blurted out, not having the bravery to look your parents in the eye.

the room fell silent before your dad stood up to process what you had just said. “you what?” your mom asks, her expression changing from concerned to cold, removing her hand from your shoulder too.

“you’re pregnant?” your dad asks angrily, looking down at you and huffing through his nose. “i—” you sniffle, more tears rolling down your face as your mom completely moves away from you to stand up beside your father, both of them equally as angry at you. “with who? who is the father?” your dad raises his voice, demanding to know answers. “that’s the thing, i… i don’t have a boyfriend so i’ve kinda been seeing two different guys, and…”

“two different guys?” he cuts you off before you could finish, practically yelling at you now. “what the hell’s wrong with you? and you didn’t think to use protection with either of them?” your dad shouts, making you flinch as the unexpected loudness hurt your ears.

“i didn’t mean to—”

“no, are you serious? my daughter is pregnant and she doesn’t even know who the father is. can you believe this?” your dad cuts you off again, turning to look at your mother who is in shock. “y/n, i thought we taught you better than that. i am extremely disappointed in you.” your mother shakes her head, neither of them supporting you made you cry even more.

“who are these two guys, huh? i bet you didn’t pick smart, wise men, did you?” your father asks, crossing his arms over his chest. you didn’t want to respond knowing he’d flip out further after finding out, so you pause and gulp. “well?” your dad raises his voice impatiently.

“uh… you know ward cameron?” you nervously ask, seeing him frown and nod. “yeah, i know him.” he sternly says, waiting for you to finish. “well, his son… rafe.” you sigh, not wanting to even mention barry’s name.

“rafe cameron? ok, who’s the other guy?” he asks, your mom not even getting involved as she’s too busy pacing around the living room trying to gather her thoughts. “um… rafe’s friend, actually, well… kind of. his name’s uh, barry.” you tell him without looking at him, still fidgeting with your hands in your lap.

“so you just sleep around with this guy and his friends, huh? is that what you are? just a whore to these guys?” your mom finally speaks up, furious with you. “no, mom, that’s not what i am!” you gather up the courage to raise your voice back at them since they weren’t being reasonable with you.

“who the hell is this barry guy?” your dad asks, not letting his wife change the topic. “does he at least have a job? or money?” he continues to ask, demanding to know more about him since he already knew about rafe and his family.

“he’s had plenty of jobs around here, i guess…” you shrug, not wanting to straight up tell them he sells drugs. “so what, he doesn’t have a job now?” your father asks and frowns his eyebrows. “not particularly, but… he makes money…” you say, panicking a little now.

“makes money how? what, is he some kind of drug dealer or something?” he laughs, but stops once he sees the look on your face. “y/n, he’s not a drug dealer, right?” your mom asks, seeing that guilty look in her daughter’s eyes. the way you paused and look down with a sigh told them otherwise, they have had enough.

“oh my fucking god. are you kidding me? this guy sells drugs?” your dad shouts, louder than before. you’ve never seen him so angry in all your life. “who have you been hanging around with? why the hell are you even talking to drug dealers in the first place?!” your mom joins your dad in yelling at you, not making this situation any easier.

“he’s nice to me…” you sniffle, wiping your eyes and nose, hearing your father snicker at your words. “he’s nice to you. well, isn’t that great? so if a kidnapper came up to you on the street and he was nice to you, would you get in his truck?” your father blatantly mocks, making you out to be an idiot. you didn’t answer, you only rolled your eyes and shook your head. “exactly, that’s what i thought. we raised you better than this, what’s the matter with you?” he continued to express his disappointment all while you cry in front of them.

“and what exactly is your plan with this, y/n? are you planning on raising a baby with two fathers, or be a single mother? because either way, you’re out of this damn house. we didn’t feed you, bathe you and clothe you for you to act like a fool and ruin your life.” your mom tells you, gesturing to the door to tell you to leave.

“rafe told me to abort it. is that what you want me to do, too?” you shout, standing up to face both your parents on their level now. “no, you know how i feel about abortions. my daughter is not doing that, no way.” your mother is quick to say sternly. she’s always been heavily against the idea of abortions, so you knew the outcome would be bad either way. “guess i’ll go be a single mother on my own then.” you scream one last time before heading for the front door and storming out, slamming it shut behind you. “assholes.” you mumble to yourself, wiping your tears as you power walk away from the house.

you went for a long walk to try and clear your mind, but nothing was working. still crying and on the verge of a full blown breakdown, you decide to turn and head over to barry’s place to talk to him, knowing he won’t be so hard on you like everyone else has been today…

approaching barry’s trailer, you knock on the front door and hear him scurry around inside before answering, swinging the door open and greeting you with a smile. “hey, pretty girl. you alright?” he asks, stepping aside to invite you in. you walk in and give him a sad look, that’s when he noticed your red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “i don’t know…” you shrug, lips quivering again. you couldn’t help but be very emotional.

“hey, come ‘ere. i got you.” barry tells you, opening his arms and pulling you into a deep hug. he reaches over to shut the front door before stroking your hair and shushing you quietly, trying to calm you down while you cry into his chest. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, he doesn’t ask any questions… he just stands and holds you.

it took you a minute or two to calm yourself down thanks to barry’s comfort, when you pulled away to collect yourself, rubbing your eyes and nose. you see him looking at you, so you shy away and hide your face in embarrassment which made him snicker. “aye’, none of that. don’t hide your pretty face, you’ still beautiful when you cry.” he grins, trying to cheer you up as he gently grabs your wrists to pull your hands away from your face.

his comment made you laugh. “don’t lie…” you giggle, turning your face to the side to try to hide again, making him drop your wrist and lightly grab a hold of your face, gently forcing you to look at him. “i mean it… you’ gorgeous. now tell me, what’s got’chu all sad?” he asks, looking into your eyes and brushing his thumb against your cheek, making your face rest in his hand.

“everything, i guess… rafe, my parents…” you say, sighing as barry wipes away the rest of your tears. “what’ they do?” he asks, his tone soft and patient. “rafe is just cruel… he hates me and is wishing for me to get an abortion… and my parents basically went kicked me out, so…” you shrug, not wanting to get into the full story. “man, fuck rafe… and fuck yo’ parents too. what’ they kick you out for?” barry frowns, feeling the need to defend you.

“i told them about the baby… i’ve been too scared to tell them but i finally did and they went crazy… said i was a whore and i’ll be a homeless single mother.” you roll your eyes, reciting your parents words in a mocking voice. “oh and i, uh… i went for an ultrasound scan today. my first one…” you say, almost forgetting you had the scan photos in your pocket, before reaching in and slowly pulling them out to show him.

barry pauses for a moment, reaching over to carefully take the photos from your hand to take a closer look. “damn…” he says after a few seconds, his eyes practically glued to the images. “crazy, huh? that thing is actually in there.” you force a little laugh, looking down and pointing at your belly. you weren’t close to having a bump yet, but it was still there.

“fuck yea’ it’s crazy… you lookin’ forward to bein’ a homeless single mother?” he asks with a chuckle, joking to lighten your mood. “nah, i’m playin’. you think i’d let you be homeless with my maybe baby in there?” he grins, pointing down at your belly. “your maybe baby?” you repeat, giggling and frowning with curiosity.

“yea. maybe it’s mine, maybe it’s not…” he snickers, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close to him again. “our maybe baby.” he tells you, both of you sharing a little laugh before moving over to the couch to sit down. you don’t know why, but hearing him say ‘our’ cured something inside of you.

barry was aware that the baby growing inside of you might not be his biologically, but he didn’t care. you weren’t sure why he didn’t care, but it made you realize that maybe some men are good, and the other men are so selfish that they’d be willing to disown their own child for the mistakes of it’s mother. that’s not what barry was going to do to you.

“thank you, barry… i mean it. i don’t know what i’d do without you… you’ve been so kind to me and-” you say, looking deeply into his eyes before he cuts you off. “shh, don’t mention it, baby. i’ve wanted you to be my girl for months, i ain’t gonna let you deal with this shit alone when this is partly my fault, too… all those times i nutted in ya’…” he smiles, cracking a joke at the end which made you playfully nudge him away, ending with him laughing and kissing your cheek.

“serious’ tho, i’ll be here for you no matter what. you’ my main girl… always have been.” he holds your hands in your lap, looking deeply into your eyes. barry has always had a major soft spot for you ever since you met, but none of this changes his feelings for you… if anything, it deepens them.

“now, let’s go get yo’ shit from yo’ house and bring it here.” barry says, reaching over to grab his car keys and jiggling them in his hand. what did you do to deserve a kind soul like barry? looks really are deceiving.

NOT PROOFREAD. MAY BE MISTAKES. ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

note: i am so sorry for being gone for a while, i have been so busy with school and family that i have had zero time to write! i noticed a lot of love on part 1 of guess who, so i had to write this 2nd part for y’all. i tried to make it a bit long so let me know if you guys liked it :) ˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

side note: BARRY IS THE LOML. and there WILL be a part 3!!!!!!!! stick around!!

@cameronluvr

taglist: @klutzy-kay24

[beefy-arms000]

Imagine hiccstrid ACTUALLY having an enemies to lovers relationship.

I know a lot of people say they do, but I only see that through Astrid’s pov. Hiccup never really saw Astrid as an enemy throughout the franchise.

I mean if someone asked how they met, I’m pretty sure they BOTH wouldn’t say “oh yeah, we hated each other.” Astrid would probably say that because she envied him at first, but then realized how he made a big change in her life.

To me, or at least in my opinion, if hiccstrid had that “enemies to lovers” story, I’d think they would have the kind of relationship similar to:

Astrid and Snotlout: starting a fight just for the sake of starting a fight, desperately trying to prove the other person wrong, always waiting for them to make a mistake, one of them flirts with the other and the other pretends like they don’t like it, but they know they do, always yelling shut up at each other, and then they end up dating.

Ruffnut and Tuffnut: (don’t think of hiccstrid being actual siblings) constantly bullying each other, fighting, making fun of them, having inside jokes that nobody else gets but the two of them, then they end up dating.

Dagur and Mala: Those type of friends that have a toxic relationship, but is also there for you so you can’t complain, has five arguments per day, and both go separate ways, but then the other person will come back and say “ you hungry?” Don’t be fooled, once they get closer and closer, they gatekeep and show protectiveness, then end up dating. (They aren’t scared to show PDA either).

Viggo and Hiccup: When one of them says something for dramatic effect, (hiccup) the other is like, um, okay… (astrid). Being friends, astrid is the extrovert and hiccup is the introvert so she’s always trying to get him to go somewhere with her, one usually cracks jokes to the other but the other genuinely won’t get it cause their sense of humor is absolutely horrible, sometimes both will test each other’s intelligence and have random ass trivia questions in the back of their mind, then, ha, you guessed it, they end up dating.

What I’m saying is, I think hiccup and astrid fall under the-

“The girl who is suffers from being judgmental her whole life so much that it makes her want to hide her true feelings, so she secretly crushes on him.”

and

“The boy who lacks confidence and social skills so much that he doesn’t pay attention to what she actually thinks about him, so he’ll just stay in the shade until the sun is gone.”

to lovers kind of relationship, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. ;)👍

BONUS:

Astrid: Crap! My boots got wet.

Hiccup: Those boots aren’t the only thing that’s wet right now…..

Astrid:

Hiccup: Up high!

Astrid:

Hiccup: Down low!

Astrid: *raises her eyebrow*

Hiccup: Ha, to slow….

[anonzentimes]

hi zen!! my friends and i are doing a powerpoint night this monday and like any self-respecting person almost 7 months deep in a dangan hyperfixation (i'm never getting out of here) i am using it as a platform for an all-encompassing kmhn infodump. this powerpoint is going to be the komahina bible and i want to hit Every Stop. i will grab everything i can find. no hesitation. however !! the danganronpa franchise is A Lot. so there's always a chance i will miss something. so! as a fellow kmhn understander and enthusiast, is there any particular Komahina Moment or piece of analysis you feel people often miss or overlook? could be big or small, or involve just one of the two of them, but i'd appreciate the input! <3 have a good one :D

OH MY GOD??? I’LL TRY TO ANSWER IN TIME FOR YOUR POWERPOINT LMAO THAT SOUNDS AWESOME?????? You should record it! Well, you probably will, but I’m still saying it anyways just in case you aren’t, because something that fun going unrecorded sounds like a tragedy!

I’ve had ideas of doing all encompassing komahina rambles for a video or something, but I’m already working on other projects so It’ll be a long time before I even try lmao. Makes me happy someone is trying something similar, and with friends no less! I’d be happy to help in any way I can, I hope you and your friends have fun! :D

ANYWAYS. I’ll say a huge ramble of Komahina things and hope it helps LOL.

This is more of a silly statement, but for a FULL Komahina coverage I think it’s most satisfying to cover the different flavors of komahina, if that makes sense? Like, depending on what approach you’re taking you may not cover kamukoma, since to a degree that’s an entirely different ship, but you’d still cover the canon adjacent other flavors. Basically, try including the canon adjacent variations!!! The Dangan island events are good for analyzing their dynamic with less horrible circumstances bringing them to worst and causing them to hurt each other. The stage plays are also great to mention since there’s some komahina content that is play original, and seeing them physically interact is fun! Can’t forget the Komahina CD too Lol. There’s also smaller things like their anniversary outfits, especially the matching purple ones, their animal outfits, and their Danganronpa S Swimsuits!

Little details that are so special to me are things like the parallel of Nagito waking Hajime up being reserved in Danganronpa 2.5, and there’s also how things like Hajime’s grief for Nagito that’s so compelling, special, and telling about their dynamic.

I think my main thing to actually add on properly is that, a lot of people say Hajime hates Nagito which is absolutely incorrect. I don’t think I’d try so hard or care enough to revive and or wait until a person I hated woke up. Hajime displays he actively cares a lot, they just happen to feel hurt and betrayed by each other due to the circumstances. Komahina is unhealthy but it isn’t toxic, if that phrase makes sense. The beauty of it is that they grow TO be healthier, they learn to love each other, understand each other, and in the process learn to understand and love themselves. Komahina is reciprocal, it gets unhealthy due to circumstances, but it is reciprocal and the beauty of it is them becoming healthier together.

Nagito is not a malicious psychopath, and Hajime is not an overly horny person with no personality, I see them misinterpreted and characterized like that constantly It’s ridiculous. Hajime is awkward, conflicted, introverted, caring, and tries to be positive but ultimately is usually a realist. Hajime gets attached to people easily and deals with discrimination, insecurity, and self esteem. Hajime is relatable enough to where he’s empathetic but unique enough to where he’s special.

Nagito is a mentally ill queer coded man who is an antagonist and an anti-hero. He is morally gray when it comes to his unhealthy coping mechanism and has complicated beliefs, he’s honest, intelligent, struggles with insecurity, struggles with self esteem, has absolute beliefs influenced by hope’s peak, is a parallel and warped version of Makoto while being his own person, and he’s very sweet. Nagito’s love language seems to be mostly playful teasing, he rambles a lot and weirds people out just by saying what he thinks is fact. He has tonal issues and usually isn’t self aware, despite this he also worries about the impression he gives off if he thinks it matters. His beliefs are very hierarchy based and he thinks he’s all the way at the bottom, he doesn’t absolutely hate people like him but he thinks they have no purpose other than to help those more capable and projects onto them. Nagito is a very complex character, he is numb to intense situations due to the immense trauma of it being normal for him. He’s optimistic but also pessimistic, he’s positive but also incredibly anxious, he’s well intentioned but also thinks anything is okay if it’s for hope, there’s a lot to Nagito but in the end once it clicks it really clicks. He is contradictory in a way that perfectly makes sense, creating the perfect character. There’s a lot to him but when you understand him there’s no need for words, you just get it. There’s a feeling to him, an understanding, and I think that’s really special. He really is amazing.

Anyways, the ramble on summarizing both of their characters simply is to more expand on points about their dynamic! Nagito and Hajime are sides of the same coin. Nagito is irrational when it comes to Hajime in the way that he defies his normal behaviors because he usually avoids others and thinks he’s not worth the ultimates time, it means so much to me that Nagito just immediately had a feeling and connection with him. I’ve seen some people not think about it, but genuinely Komaeda feels something upon first sight and it’s irrational given his regular behavior it’s so sweet.

This has been just a lot of me rambling, but hopefully some of it helps! I had fun yapping haha, thanks for you ask!

[starbeltconstellation]

Since you are a passionate jedi fan, I would be interested in your opinion on a thing I noticed on AO3. There is a fanon that is inspired by Ancient Greek scholars having had sex with their pupils. In the fics there is a special night in which the masters have to fuck their padawans because it is tradition. Sex and AO3, you ask? What's new, you ask? What is new is that the writers explicitely write in their notes that the institutionalized fucking of the padawans is their way to show how corrupt and morally bad the jedi are. But how is something that fanfic writers completely made up to get more readers (because sex sells) a critique of the jedi in canon? No matter what answer I come up with, it is weird. Are these fanfic writers fetishizing a law allowing teachers to fuck their students, feel bad for their own arousal and try to shrug it off by making themselves believe that they are just writing these sex scenes for a "good cause"? I mean, if they hated the jedi so much, why would they write about them? The MCU or DC would get them more readers, right? I simply can't come up with a satisfying answer to why this mental gymnastics exist. I know this is a very long ask, but please address it if it is of any interest to you as well!

Hi, anon! 👋💕✨

Sooooo deeply sorry for the long wait time. 😭😖💔 Things just got away from me, and I kept putting off my response because I wanted to make sure I had the time to give the nitty gritty of my thoughts on your ask.

And as a pro jedi fan and a SW fan in general… I just have to say… ew. 😭☹️🤢💔

And it’s not necessarily that I’m trying to SHAME people that write darker or more sexual stuff (even though there are some things that just genuinely baffle me why ANYONE would enjoy writing something so horrible, but then again, I’ve never been a fan of horror movies, sooo… 😂🤷‍♀️).

And look, I’m aware that fiction is separate from reality and not necessarily a show of a person’s morals (it’s FAKE, at the end of the day), but at the same TIME, I believe people on this app and just in fandom spaces in general sometimes purposely plug their ears and sing “lalalala” by pretending that how we interact with the world doesn’t shape our perception and psyche to SOME degree.

And this isn’t me saying that if someone writes something like “noncon” or “whump” that they’re going to go out and hurt anybody! That’s the EXTREME reaction that conservative panic tries to drum up by pretending that people have no self control and need to be shielded from “corruption 🙄” or something like that. But what I DO believe is that seeing stories (whether love stories or family stories in general) WILL affect how someone can come to view relationships. This is on a tier scale, obviously. Kids and teenagers will have a harder time grasping why “365 Days” is not a modern Beauty and the Beast movie. 😭🤦‍♀️ BUT… with ADULTS… it’s easier to separate fiction from reality… in a CONSCIOUS way. But for me, from a psychological standpoint, if a person grows up with a specific attraction to certain toxic love stories that are PRESENTED as healthy when they just aren’t—it’s POSSIBLE that they can unconsciously seek out someone who fits that mold. I don’t think this is the NORM—but it IS a possibility, and that’s why I think it’s so important to recognize yourself and your own wants and needs in the real world and ask yourself “Does this make me feel safe and happy? Or just obsessively DESIRED?” and other things such as that.

Anyway, I got a little off topic (which I often do 😭😅), but my POINT is my disgust isn’t necessarily about these writers’s choices on exploring such darker themes in their work if they truly want to—it’s THEIR fic, at the end of the day. But what DOES disgust me is (yes, dear anon, you guessed it! 🙃🙃) that apparently writers are USING this trope to create even MORE anti Jedi rhetoric when there is already SO much of it in the community in general (and that god awful ‘The Acolyte’ show only made the hatred and genocide apologia worse, even though I do acknowledge the show wasn’t given as much of a chance as Ahsoka and The Mandolrian shows were).

Just as The Acolyte had to INVENT an entire scenario where the “EMPATHETIC SPACE MONKS 😭🤦‍♀️” of the galaxy apparently cover up a massacre which DIRECTLY parallels Anakin Skywalker’s descent to the Dark Side—which makes NO goddamn sense that it’s truly LAUGHABLE—you have brought to me a fic trope scenario where the writer has apparently INVENTED something that was NEVER canon to show how “corrupt 🙄” the Jedi Order is—before they stand back and go “haha! 😌 See? SUCHHH horrible people.”, as if they didn’t just invent that scenario in THEIR own head to justify their bias against the Jedi and their way of life.

It’s very similar to the uncharitable views that certain parts of the SW fandom (specifically the Anidala and the radical Anakin fans) have towards the Jedi in regards to NONCANON info that we do NOT truly know (such as why Anakin never visited Shimi all that time), before just CHOOSING the most uncharitable and mean spirited view of the Jedi that they can, which is saying—“Well, the Jedi Order must have a strict policy on NEVER seeing your birth family again, or they’ll be kicked out! 🤪🤪”, when there is NOTHING in canon to ever give any indication of that. It’s literally fanon that has somehow all but become canon in the eyes of the fandom, and I haven’t the foggiest clue how it happened (yes I do. 🙄🫠 It’s because SW fans LIKE Anakin, so of COURSE they don’t want to admit he was in the wrong or that he could’ve taken things too personally or the wrong way—so they settle on, “Those mean Jedi must’ve bullied him and kept him from his mom! 😡🤪”🙄🤦‍♀️).

Fans will make something up out of thin air—literally twisting themselves into KNOTS to try and excuse Anakin’s choices while blaming everyone else to pretend it’s not his fault and he didn’t truly have a choice (COMPLETELY untrue)—while at the very same TIME, giving absolutely NONE of that courtesy to the Jedi Order themselves. The Jedi’s actions are nitpicked to DEATH. Everything they do—choosing to fight in the war to save lives instead of sitting on the sidelines to watch the galaxy burn, not worshiping the ground Anakin walked on to try and teach him humility and grace and respect, literally putting their LIVES on the line RIGHT BESIDE THE CLONES each day on the battlefield, Mace going to arrest Palpatine before realizing the man would never be convicted at a corrupt trial—NONE of it is ever enough.

They are 10,000 strong (NOT taking into consideration how some are younglings or retired Jedi), and yet they are judged with the sharpness of a knife that they cannot solve every damn trillions of problems in the galaxy.

They are a literal DROP in the ocean. It is LAUGHABLE to expect them to somehow be able to end slavery throughout the galaxy in the Outer Rim without the backing of the Republic’s help (which they definitely would NOT choose to help the Jedi, and even if somehow they DID, it would STILL be a long and tedious thing that would take DECADES to fully accomplish), and it is even MORE ludicrous to BLAME the JEDI FUCKING ORDER of all people for the Clones’s situation, like they could just stroll into the Senate building and wave their lightsabers around to suddenly give the clones their (deserved) rights, or to expect them to somehow—what? Kidnap all the clones (because a lot of clones would sadly NOT go willingly because of their brainwashing indoctrination that this is what they were ‘made for’) and run from fighting in the war? Where the hell do people expect them to GO? How do people expect the Jedi to be able to take CARE of all those people (INCLUDING their own) in such a situation without the Republic backing or the Temple walls?—be able to just magically give the clones rights or to just magically be able to say no to fighting in the war as if that would somehow do ANYTHING for the clones instead of just placing them under the rule of men like Tarkin.

The one thing I will concede is that (WHILE being in the war, because YES, despite what some people believe, it was UNAVOIDABLE. Palpatine definitely made sure of that) the Jedi probably needed to learn to get more into politics to control their image in the eyes of the public (ironic, considering how many people blame them for their own genocide by saying they were ‘too involved in politics 🙄’ when the TRUTH is that they did everything to AVOID being in the political sphere because they heavily disliked it). There is a bit of (gentle-hearted) naïveté here, because they all assume that the citizens of the galaxy will just SEE that the Jedi are trying to protect them. But people get selfish and greedy REAL fast when their lives become affected badly by things happening around them. And the more the war dragged on, the more citizens of the galaxy (disgustingly) latched onto Palpatine’s slowly growing propaganda that the Jedi were somehow the big bad villains of the war and not like—oh, I don’t know—the fucking SENATE. 😭🙄🤦‍♀️

My POINT is that—you’re RIGHT, anon. This fic trope you’ve brought up is (while HEAVILY ew in my eyes 😭🤢) just one part of a growing infection of the SW fandom where it’s becoming the “edgy” take to blame the Jedi (the VICTIMS) for their own genocide, instead of placing the blame at the politicians’s feet, where it belongs. Palpatine wasn’t able to gain this power ALONE. The Senate makes it EASY for him. Because they’re all out for themselves at the end of the day (YES, even Padmé, who would’ve taken Anakin’s tusken massacre to the grave if she’d had the chance), and even the ones that DO care about the bills they’re trying to push to help change things STILL are in such a position of privilege (ironic, considering fandom pretends the Jedi Order is ‘privileged’, when they are anything but and are more of a ‘model minority’ group struggling desperately to keep the soft power they have to at the very LEAST have a place at the Senate’s side to TRY and make them see reason sometimes) that they forget about the little people suffering underneath them (Padmé has to be REMINDED of this by one of her handmaidens at one point).

The point is that George Lucas intended the SENATE to be the corruption of the Prequels that brought about their own doom. Not the fucking JEDI. 😭🤦‍♀️ But somehow, SW fandom has rewritten their memories to somehow believe this to be true. But if they’d watch ANY George Lucas interview, they’d see this is not the case. And people are allowed to have different interpretations of stories at the end of the day—but what IS ridiculous is how certain anti Jedi fans SHAMELESSLY try to rewrite history by outright STATING that it WAS GL’s original intent to portray the Jedi as ‘corrupt 🙄’, which is just… SO far from accurate that it’s laughable.

But yeah, at the end of the day, the REAL ‘villain’ (besides the Sith) of the prequels is the SENATE, because THEY are the ones who should be doing their jobs, but who are INSTEAD lining their pockets or kissing up to the clueless citizens of the galaxy come election time, while apathetically expecting the Jedi Order to solve all the problems that the SENATE is too damn lazy and selfish to solve.

The one conclusion I can make is that if the Jedi HAD realized they’d need to play the game of politics to keep in the public’s good graces—then you bet your ASS they would have been on intergalactic interview after intergalactic interview subtly “hinting” at the clones’s lack of rights and plight to try and stir up public outcry—because THAT is how you get true change. By changing things from WITHIN the very public itself. Because THAT is the only thing that will make the Senate LISTEN—is if they’re at risk of losing votes later on down the line.

Anyway, I of course went on the longest of rants once again. Lol. 😂😅 But I hope the long wait time was worth this response! 😊❤️💕

-

To any readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

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[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

_

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

[littencloud9]

Thanks for answering my ask. If you don't mind me asking (again), who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them. Sorry if you've answered this before.....

HI!! no problem i LOVE talking about my favs. here’s like top 3 ships of some fandoms i’m in because there is simply too many LMAO

jujutsu kaisen

- itafushi: literally my number one ship ever. they make me so fucking emo. the tragedy of what couldn’t have been prevented. i pray for itafushi moments in the jjk manga but every time it happens it is somehow worse than the last. peace 🙏

- yutamaki: they mean so much to me. i love them both platonically and romantically! their moments in jjk0 are super sweet and i love that they’re always supporting each other 🥹

- satosugu: this is a ship i’ll put in a blender. i don’t usually think of them but when i do i want to throw up blood. they’re the cause of all my problems. i love them. they are so my tears ricochet core

other ships i like are nobamaki, inuokko, and mechamiwa! perks of being a multishipper lol

-

bungo stray dogs

- shin soukoku: MY YIN YANG DUO!! they are the dumbest. somehow they bulldozed past all the normal stages of dating and went straight to dying for each other. who does that.

- kunichuuzai: i’m cheating here because i love all individual pairings in this ship AND the poly ship. especially kunichuu which crept up on me and slapped me in the face. chuuya being downbad for kunikida is GREAT. they are so good when you dont have toxic shippers breathing in your ear about how one is better than the other ❤️

- tachigin: do u ever think about how they’re both liars. how they both have a hidden identity. how they both found family within the mafia not as the person they really are, but as the person they pretended to be. how the betrayal felt like when tachihara dropped his mask. OUGH

i also really like ranpoe and atsulucy! and beast!akutagawa x beast!tanizaki is cute too

-

link click

- i’m a liar. shiguang is the only ship i have in this show. my FAVS. their devotion to each other is insane. they make me genuinely feral. cxs being an annoying little shit x lg who stays hopelessly in love anyway. ARGH I LOVE THEM. THEY WANNA SAVE EACH OTHER!!!!

-

tian guan ci fu

- fengqing: the implications of this 800 year old situationship is very fun. knowing someone so well that you know exactly what to say to hurt them. loving someone so deeply and repressing it to the point that you mistake it as hatred. i’m obsessed with them

- hualian: how can i not include the most romantic (and canon) pair EVER. get you someone who loves you like hua cheng loves xie lian because holy SHIT. i have not read the books (only watched the donghua) and yet these two make me feral i need them to hurry it up and get married already 😭

i don’t really ship anything else as of yet. but i do like and acknowledged beefleaf. i’ve heard it’s horribly tragic. i cannot wait to find out

-

sk8 the infinity

- renga: RENGA!!!! MY PRECIOUS. they are fucking head over heels for each other i’m obsessed with it. their ‘breakup arc’ genuinely hurt my soul. but i love how confident they are about each other’s skills, how they’re each others biggest supporter, how they see the best in each other etc. insane. i need season 2 asap

- matchablossom: [danny motta voice] they wanna fuck so bad. the end

i don’t ship anything else. but do i think cherry and adam had a situationship back when they were teenagers? yes. anyway

-

avatar the last airbender

- mailee: MY GIRLS. THE BEST ATLA SHIP AND YOU HEARD IT FROM ME. mai who masks her emotions with blankness and ty lee who masks her emotions with a smile. but they both know each other better than that. they protect each other and they are also 🖤🩷 how could you not love them!!!!

- zukka: [affectionately] there is something so wrong with these two. the original red and blue gays. to ME. i think they bounce off each other well and they’re a really funny duo. also. the prince and the fool. what more is there

- yuekka: personally i love love LOVED yuekka. i like how yue really loosened up around sokka and how sokka was head over heels for her LMAO they were a really cute ship. moon coded gf x ocean coded bf do you see how great that is. the tides follow the whims of the moon. they can’t exist without the other. ARGH

-

voltron

- klance: sigh. since we’re digging this deep into my fandoms list let us talk about klance. do i agree with anything that was written past season 3? absolutely not. they are definitely a wasted potential ship that ruined my life forever but like. yah. the ship you obsessed over at 14 is SERIOUS business. the homoerotic rivalry they had was seriously unmatched. nobody talk to me

- adashi: haha. my first experience with being queerbaited. they buried the gays before the gays even had lines. i was so upset about adam that i consumed an insane amount of fan content and then wrote 10k words in one sitting. thats how upset they made me

- romellura: the gfs ever. the writers screwed allura over so every ship i have for her is… very fan-based. but i’ll protect them with my SOUL. the softness of meeting someone who knows EXACTLY the kind of loss you felt. finding comfort and home in each other.

- veracxa: sorry one more. VERACXA IS SO GOOD AND SO UNDERRATED. lance and veronica having the same taste is so funny. also love that veronica went out of her way to make acxa feel welcome. and their matching judgy stares. the older sister and sister in law. i KNOW lance was sweating

-

sorry for the long ass list. there’s lots of other platonic/familial relationships i enjoy in shows too i swear i’m not just insane 😭🙏. thank you so much for the ask!!

[barbswo]

I always suspected that being a writer means dealing with people who will throw rotten tomatoes at your head, because you don’t write how they would want you to write, or because you don’t give into stereotypes, or because you do, and that annoys them. Over the past couple of months I grew accustomed to waking up and reading all different things about my talentless and horrible self.

And that’s not okay, but it is what it is. I can handle criticism even if it comes wrapped in insults and shitty comebacks.

But death threats are a different story, and I hope we all understand that. It’s one thing to be dragged for your art, and a whole another one to read “drop dead” when having breakfast with your grandma. It’s totally unacceptable to continue sending those messages when I reply with a gif to the first one, because I honestly don’t know what you expect me to say.

I am a polite and kind person and I prefer to have fun rather than start some battles with haters, cause those can’t really ever be won. It might’ve been my fault in the first place, cause I decided to reply, encouraging the flow.

But enough is enough guys.

So please. Kindly.

FUCK OFF.

I don’t know why I have to explain these things over and over again—if you don’t like a story you DON’T READ IT. Especially when it didn’t cost you a cent, because fanfiction is bloody FREE.

God, I wish I had your free time, because how can a person read a 420k words-long story while not even liking it and then proceed to go and shit on it not just somewhere over the internet, but in the author’s dms is beyond my level of comprehension. Fuck! Just write what YOU want YOURSELVES and include all those wonderful tropes and plot-twists and smut scenes that I apparently am incapable of delivering and leave. me. be.

I hope pressing the “ask” button to send those things made you feel good. Eat that superiority, giggle and high-five yourself for getting through my skin. I don’t even know how many of you are there, counting that you come shielded with anonymous masks, and it’s unsettling.

You did manage to hurt me, congratulations. Don’t tell me if the celebratory cake tastes good. I don’t want to know.

Just one question though—what do you expect to happen? That I will rewrite the entire thing? Start hating it and delete it? Delete this account? Forbid anons to ask me questions? Well, here’s a newsflash: I won’t do it. I perfectly get that some readers prefer to keep their nicknames a secret when asking their questions, counting how toxic this fandom is proving to be. And no matter how much shit you pour into my inbox, I won’t stop loving what I do.

It might be impossible to handle, I know. How dare she be proud of her work? How dare she not ‘drop dead’? Grrr, let’s think of another thing to insult...

So just. Stop. I won’t entertain you anymore. As soon as I see curses and insult and threats I’m sending you to the bin. (Unless I decide to make fun of you if you reach another level of stupid, so approach with caution)

Being kind is free. So is being polite.

But being a bitch is free as well, so yet again.

Live, laugh.

FUCK OFF.

[thestobingirlie]

Hi! I hope you don’t mind non-anonymous asks.

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you for being one of the loudest voices of reason of this godforsaken fandom.

Secondly… Can I also share my complains? I feel like I’ll die if I won’t talk about it.

I feel like you probably talked about it before, but still these whole “Eddie being the only person in entire group who understands him” trop started a new era of fics where Steve is almost literally hated by Dustin & the party, no one (from Dustin to Hopper) supports him (except for Eddie, of course. Look at out knight in shining armor) and even Robin (EVEN ROBIN GODDAMNIT) abandons him.

And I don’t know where is this desperate desire to isolate Steve from his found family comes from (well, actually, I have a couple ideas)…

These trop also might seem one of the reasons why shovel talks trop became so popular. And again, in this kind of things, everyone in the group suspects the worst about Steve. But… I mean, in my head, the only person who will receive shovel talks from literally everyone would be Eddie. I imagine that even Mike will show up just to say something “y’know dude, you’re cool and I admire you, but if you hurt Steve I smash your head with your guitar). God, there so much potential for Steve & the party dynamics. So much potential for Steve’s and Mike’s dynamic to explore, but no. Of course, we’ll chose the most toxic, abusive and horrendous relationship dynamic to ever exist.

These “Hellfire club feat. Eddie acting like disrespectful pigs while being guests at Steve’s”… And Steve being a helpless damsel in distress who locks up in his room and cries instead of kicking these assholes out… Lord, give me strength.

This top/bottom, dom/sub shit… Look, I actually headcanon Steve as bi. And. I think that he most likely prefer to be bottom. (Not because he’s weak helpless cry baby who can’t stand up for himself), but because he takes care about everyone so much, that he will probably want for once be the person who receives care from his partner. However, this shit with feminisation and infantilisation of Steve went too far. I mean, you want to ship Eddie with someone fragile, feminine, gentle and someone who will actually cry when people being mean to them? Chrissy Cunningham is right there. There’s nothing wrong with shipping f/m ships. I’m telling ya, your taste hasn’t “upgrade” just because you started shipping mlm.

It’s one thing when people recognise that they’re writing toxic, even abusive relationship. But the way some harringrove fics recently started looked better in comparison with some (actually most) steddie fics is just sending me… Yeah, steddies be like “harringrove is this”, “stancy is that” and then write most horrific, toxic and unhealthy shit ever.

Don’t even get me started on this “Robin starts to care less about Steve/stops caring about Steve at all because of Nancy, or other shitty idea for the plot of another shitty fic”… Just fuck ya’ll. Seriously.

Again, thank you very much.

And honestly, the way that rockie is (most of the time) in the love triangle fics in which ronance is endgame…

I mean, the most popular fic with rockie is actually a Steve-centered fic (and it’s good, cause it captures Steve’s dynamic with the party) with rockie being a background ship.

And the second most popular rockie fic is actually a ronance fic with vickie being abuser & manipulator. Ronance shippers stop making Vickie gross and rockie as a whole about ronance challenge. Level impossible.

And this is my villain origin.

hi! i totally don’t mind non-anon asks, send away!

i love being called a voice of reason lmao. so thank you very much.

it’s honestly insane the extent that people feel they have to go to to make eddie seem… more important to steve? they have to totally isolate steve from 90% of his friendships. make characters prefer eddie, and say horrible shit to steve, all to make eddie seem like a good option. the only person that treats steve well. that doesn’t spit on him and treat him like shit. and even then that’s often accompanied by eddie’s friends treating steve like shit and eddie going along with it. it’s just ridiculous (and screams of abusive dynamics, but that’s by the by).

shovel talks my beloathed. they suck a lot anyway because people aren’t always great at writing them lmao. but literally the character within steddie that would be receiving shovel talks… eddie!

i mean. these shovel talks also typically happen in a universe where steve saves eddie’s fucking life. and people still feel the need to write all of steve’s friends and families as warning him against hurting eddie. like. wtf lmao.

the way steve and the party dynamics have been left out to die… take me back to a post s2 world!!!!!!!

don’t get me started on the hellfire fics. got steve acting pathetic when my baby boy is a BITCH!!!!

it’s actually so crazy how reactive steddies got about hellcheer and then went to such efforts to deconstruct steve’s character and turn him into chrissy. just fucking ship hellcheer!!!

all that drama about steddies finally being a “good” steve ship, and trying to write the most fics. all to create a toxic and abuse dynamic that rivals harringrove… alright. okay.

so many dynamics suffer at the hands of people prioritising romance and prioritising eddie and it’s literally depressing lol.

rockie was never even given a chance!!! from day one other shippers have done all they can to vilify vickie and for what? because she’s a cute bisexual that loves robin???? let my girl fucking live!!!

[asteralis-01]

Actually no im not done complaining about toxic shipping cultures

Ever since I joined the proship + rq community (which was at the same time) I CANNOT stand people getting mad at ships. I have a few ships I cannot be around (tw but Sal x Larry being the biggest, we are uncomfortable w the concept, had it used against us to cause trauma, and Travis hates it for obvious reasons that’s HIS man not his brothers man ew). However- is this reason for me to invade Sally face spaces and start screaming and yelling about how horrible Sallarry is; is it ok for me to garner a good chunk of the fandom to go and storm the palace of sallarry and kill all shippers in their steps?? NO! From what I’m aware, the devs were even implying it before they decided to go the route they did (which honestly I like because it shows a really dynamic and complex relationship with many different phases, and Trav KNEW they had something for each other before they became siblings). Like I don’t know how much time I spent avoiding fanfic and fandom spaces because I didn’t ship the conventional ships (which in hindsight were SO CHILL compared to the shit I ship now). I left friends for the things they shipped, had friends leave me for what I shipped, and for what??

When my abusive ex was using the ship and various other sources of media to gaslight me into doing the gross things I did with them, then THAT is not ok. That’s a time where someone is taking a ship to far, and it’s genuinely hurting people. But not a SINGLE SOUL (including myself) was ever hurt by ships that I didn’t like. It was just the one time I had a bitch who used it against me. It just goes to show how stupid toxic ship culture is. Anyone remember the absolute OUTLASH that tsumishima got on TikTok from like 2018-2019? Yea that entire time I never actually saw any tsumishima content, and the people I saw who shipped tsumishima never posted about it. When they did they were just trying to defend themselves from the doxing and death threats.

And the thing is- how can you assume what someone thinks about a ship. I would ship junko and mikan in a recovery au- I think they would actually make a good couple with all their shared trauma as long as they got therapy for the rest of their lives. But no one would let me get past ‘Junko and Mikan would be cute’ Because they would already sniping me down from across the screen.

Anyways this is such a sleep deprived ramble, I just hate toxic ship culture. You literally NEVER have to look at a ship you don’t like- and only in the aforementioned case above or similar cases should a ship be called out. Not because of the content, but the way the person is using the ship. The fictional characters literally do not matter and they will not be mad if you put them in a ‘bad’ relationship. And don’t come at me saying ‘oh but I’m an introject/fictive and I-‘ BLOCK THE TAG!! STOP LOOKING FOR IT!! I AM TRAVIS AND I NEVER SEE SALLARRY STUFF BECAUSE I HATE IT SO I DON’T LOOK AT IT AND I AM PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE EVEN THOUGH IT EXISTS AND PEOPLE ENJOY IT. Someone else’s ship does not make it true- the only thing that should make it true is your own opinion, thoughts, feeling and perspective. And guess what- that’s only your truth, not anyone else’s.

[sweetluna20]

i’m posting this cause i feel like it

reasons why i don’t like some wbb players 

jada gymfi- when i say i hate jada, i mean it. one thing i want to make clear; is that i don’t care if she’s friends with the McCaffery kids. like i genuinely do not care for them. but what i do care about is what she allowed. idk if she’s oblivious or dumb. but allowing white nepo boys talk about women and black women like they’re entitled to pisses me off so much. like talking about in anyway that’s not uplifting with your platform makes me so upset, all those women have gotten there because they’ve worked hard. meanwhile you have a benchwarmer enabling this behavior and 2 nepo baby’s getting where they are because of their father. ANDDD allowing those white boys to talk about black women in a negative manner after a black women getting wrongfully killed is so fucking insensitive. like how dumb are you to even think that’s okay. just sitting there and laughing is not okay, especially when you have a young fanbase looking up to you. Plus you always defending and obsessing over your “best friend’s” boyfriend is such toxic pick me behavior. like stop you’re just embarrassing yourself. why don’t you actually focus on your schoolwork and your own love life. like c*nn*r is a grown ass man who doesn’t need defending. calling yourself a “core four” with caitlin, gabbie and kate is so weird because you’ve quite literally have contributed nothing to the Iowa team. like in your 2 years playing here you’ve like 7 games. kate and gabbie has been their for caitlin her entire collegiate career. really it’s the core three and that doesn’t include you.

jada seems so weird and disgusting to me, i genuinely can’t believe her actions. no sane person with morals and boundaries would do the shit she has done.

2. aj ediger- she hasn’t done anything. ive never been a fan of her. she just seems like a fake entitled bitch. she also seems really annoying ( i only liked her for molly content) 

⚠️‼️tw abusers‼️⚠️

qadence samuels- you’re a horrible and disgusting person who should be behind bars. i hope you have a terrible season and that you retire from basketball because no one wants to see you for 3 more years. oh and i hope you go to hell.

sedona prince- fuck you, you abusive fuck. hope you rot in hell and that you have a terrible season and never end up in the wnba 

(im not going into qadence and sedona shit cause i don’t feel like getting triggered with my own trauma.)

those are my thought :|

(can someone please update me on the hannah stulke situation)

(don’t send me hate this is my personal reasons)

(i don’t like spreading hate, but some people have genuinely earned it)

[lorelei-system]

I’m in a bad mood so I’m gonna rant about being called manipulative.

This is specifically about me mentioning being suicidal to people in the past, so potential trigger warning for that. Also, I am not actively suicidal, so no need to worry. This is about the past and about specific people, not anyone here on tumblr.

I hate being told “you’re not going to do it anyway” when I tell someone that I’m suicidal. I mean, yeah, I’m still alive at 30 somehow. So they keep being right and that just makes them believe even more that I would never actually act on my “threats” (they’re desperate calls for help, not threats, but whatever). It just genuinely doesn’t help. It makes it even harder to survive, and makes me feel even more alone. Because nobody believes me. Nobody takes me seriously. Nobody ever helps me.

And I know there’s not much anyone can do, but just offering their support is loads better than getting mad at me for even mentioning being suicidal, and completely dismissing my very real feelings.

Worse yet is when someone calls me manipulative. I am not a manipulative person! I will tell you how I feel, and I will ask for what I need. I am not threatening suicide, I am telling you that I don’t know if I can make it through the night.

And yeah, I get how what I say in this regard can be interpreted as manipulative at times. Me saying “do this thing that I want or I can’t guarantee that I’ll be alive tomorrow “ doesn’t sound good. But it sucks that I even have to beg for love and support. I only say things like that when I’m incredibly desperate and feel unloved, and feel like it’s the only way to get the person to show they care.

Is it the wrong way to go about it? Probably. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? No!

But calling me manipulative and refusing to give me the support that I am begging for doesn’t help. It only causes me to finally realize that I can’t trust you to help, and to stop telling you when I’m suicidal. Which won’t stop me from being suicidal. And so far, it hasn’t stopped me from surviving anyways. Because I’m strong. Because I’m used to not being able to count on anyone to be there for me. But it shouldn’t be that way. And maybe one of these days, I won’t survive on my own. And maybe I would have with your help.

It’s just insane how far I have to go to try and get people to show they care, and it obviously backfires. Instead of showing me they care, they act cold and accuse me of being manipulative, and get angry, and just leave.

All I wanted was for someone to care. I don’t know why I’m so inherently unlovable, but that’s how it feels.

(In case anyone reads this far, this is not me begging for attention. It’s more of a journaling kind of post, so I’d actually prefer not being flooded with messages about this. Also, please don’t tell me that my behavior is toxic, or disagree with me, or anything. If I have to remove this post, I will. I just wanted to share my feelings, but I’m not open to discussion. Likes are welcome, otherwise, please just leave me be.)

[writingsbychlo]

It’s weird cause I dislike Nesta but I’m genuinely coming around to her in some ways, and then toxic Nesta stans come in and make me push away from the character more. The amount of times I’ve been told I have no real trauma, that I’m a bad person, or that I’m a red flag who must treat other people horribly, all because I don’t like her character even after understanding her, is WILD. I’ve even been told that if my trauma was done by “a Nesta” that it wasn’t actually trauma. Like it’s crazy how toxic some fans get. Like Nesta is a controversial character for a reason, she did bad things and was cruel to underserving people. She caused others some trauma (like how in the first book most of Feyre’s insecurities she speaks of come back to Nesta). But then we get to see why she was like that, and we get to see her genuinely be introspective and heal herself, so she can be better. She’s such a complex character and I actually really respect her journey, but when people praise or ignore her cruelty it feels counterproductive. Like you want to defend her cause you love her, but by denying her cruelty you are kind of denying her own arc. I do wish they had her verbally apologize to the people she hurt though. People may say the words aren’t important, but they really are. Sorry for the long rant, just wanted to chime in on the complex Nesta talk. Love your writing and hope you have a good one 💜

thank you my darling!!

yes, you’re right!! a lot of people completely excuse or don’t acknowledge her behaviour because they want to see her in this perfect light, but the whole point of nesta is that she’s NOT perfect! I just think parts of it went too far, the imperfection is what nesta is all about, what real people are all about, but not enough healing was done for the amount of hurt, imo!

[the-lavender-creator]

OKAY! I’m sleepy and tried as fuck, it’s 1 am and I feel like I’m about to slip off into the best damn sleep ever. But for some damn reason I decided NOW was the very best time for me to come and rant my heart out about your fic.

forgive me. This might be long.

AGGHHHDBDUSBSJAHIH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHH-

Sorry. Had to get that out of me. It’s my knee jerk reaction to before, during, and after reading you fic.

now onto the- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

oh! Guess I had a little more in me! Ok now I seem- AGHHHH- to be- AGHHU- a little - Hxjdsisjsi- better???

BUT GOSH ALL THE THUNDER ANGST IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVED IT AND MY POOR LITTLE PATHETIC WET CAT LITERALLY

ok on to the specifics!!

first of all. I like how you make this a whole ass overall arc about Clawdeen and Toralei getting together, Toralei dealing with her plan and her feelings. And also hee super horrible mom RATerina! While also sprinkling in some absolutely god damn DELECTABLE thunder angst scenes. Oh I ate those up so ravishingly. They were so nice and angst and the most tasty words alive!

But yeah. The opening contrast of how Lighting is a norm to Monsters. And lots of times needed and wanted, compared to Thunder. Which is something Toralei fears more than anything. It’s just such a nice highlight. Cause really. Just like Cleo had her fear of the dark. It’s an unusual fear for monsters. These are stuff Humans are afraid of. And that’s probably something that gets under Toralei’s skin as well. Because Monsters don’t fear the dark or storms. They thrive in it. So when she, a definite monster, has this fear of a species she’s been trained to despise, it’s probably just this extra level of overwhelming humiliation and shame. And it really sets the tone nicely opening up!

I loved the first flashback, how it really shows the early signs of brainwashing and toxic ideologies her Mom had ingrained into her. Toralei loves power and thrives on it. It’s an unknowing coping mechanism. But at a young age she isn’t shown that it’s okay not to be in charge, and that others can be royalty too. Thag others can be in charge as well. That she’s not better than others. She was never taught that and it’s sad to read it through a child’s eyes.

and It’s so weird to see the dynamic Toralei and Lagooona have. Not friends. And more like. Hostages. Lagoona is somewhat of a hostage in her own room. Having her most personal thing used against her- where have we seen this before OH YEAH! FROM Raterina!!!

to think Toralei has inherited some of her mothers abusive traits is terrifying. For she truly is just an abused little girl who never got the love she deserved.

And oh. Oh my dear little heart. How it shriveled at reading the part where her mom yells and rants at her for hours until she is sobbing and crying hysterically for hours on end. My poor sweet girl who just wanted a hug got nothing but hate instead.

and OH. my head as poor little Toralei who wanted to be all grown up. Left alone in the house and realizing she left her guitar outside. Poor little kitten clinging to a branch and crying for all she’s worth as she thinks she’s gonna die. And what’s worse is she’d rather risk that imminent death and fear instead of going inside and risking her mothers wrath. god that sounds like a trauma inducing fear if I’d heard of any.

Ooooo the first Clawdeen and Toralei scene. Very interesting. Tantalizing. Fun how Toralei finds her adorable but excuses it like everyone does. It’s odd to see her try and manipulate her. But also it’s just. So easy to see at the same time. Hee wirh her British accent and feline smirk. Sharp claws and predatory eyes. So complex

Damn Raterina really was pulling the strings to Toraleis entire childhood. It’s gross in a way. Like she’s nothing but a puppet to her. A plaything she can control what happens too.

Also odd. Toralei says she doesn’t actually have anything against Lagoona. But it’s rather the fate of species. Is this something her mother has said? Or something that people assume from her that she eventually went ‘Oh, uh. Guess I have to hate her then?’ Too.

OH MY BABY. MY SWEET SWEET GIRL. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DONT CRY AND SHUFFER AND FUEBUFSNAIFHSUS (I love it. Hurt me more!)

Lol. Not her having a journal that said ‘diary’ in giant fancy letters that she can’t find a way to cover up. That’s such a mood. Why do companies even put diary on the front. It’s obviously embarrassing.

still rolling in my bed over the thunder angst. Poor kitty huddled up in a ball and crying and shaking and-

ok. I’m really trying not to loose myself in the angst here!

”that’s insensitive to mer-folk”

ok BESTIE THAT WAS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING FUNNY. idk y but I found that so hilarious.

Toralei giving draculaura a compliment then immediately insulting her lack of appreciation for the compliment is such a mood and a her thing idk what to do.

LOL ‘how to lure in a wolf and date her’. Throw the saddest fucking party in existence and fully lean into how much of a pathetic wet cat I am, and desperately try to ignore how deeply this all plays into my everlasting trauma from my mother!!!!

No but Raterina never celebrating Toraleis birthday 😩

Toralei the DRAMA. the one woman act. Turning up the pathetic wet cat levels to extreme today.

Aww little Frankie just wants to help but was definitely shoved into high school way before they were ready and honestly that’s so much trauma in itself cause they’re parents literally created them and the first thing they do is send them away to literally live out their life. Like- um. WHAT. The abandonment and rejection they must subtly feel. Like. Wow.

uh anyway this is about toralei.

Toralei. The drama. Who decides to have along ass gay fake romance with Clawdeen to get the necklace instead of just snatching it from her while she sleeps is such a gay mood I can’t.

it’s like ‘On one hand. I could sneak into her room and jsur steal it away? I’m a werecat I’m agile and silent! No one would hear or see me. It’s foolproof. And I have the necklace to give to my mom and win her love!….. OR I COULD DATE CLAWDEEN AND HAVE A SLOWBURN GAY ROMANCE AND BE GAY AND POSTPONE THE MISSION AND MAKE IT TAKE AS LONG AS FUCKING POSSIBLE!

oooo I’ll go with the second one! Definitely a smart decision!

AND NO POOR BABY NOT MORE PAIN AND ANGST AND YES I FUCKING LOVE IT ITS SO DELICIOUS AND JUICY AND RAW AND ANGSTY AND FONDUFNSUD CLAWDEEN IMMEDIATELY HUGGING HER AND TELLING HER ITS GONNA BE OK AND MY HEART IS BLEEDING EVERYWHERE

NO MORE TRAUMA WITH RATERINA. RHAT BITCH.

KSKSKDKS OOOOOO TORALEI YOU GAYYYY. WE ALL SEEEE ITT.

the vulnerability of fears 🥹. The little heart to heart is so precious. The exact moment toralei kinda screws up her plan by falling in love with Clawdeen

DAMN MEOWLODY AND PURRSEPHONY SO SUPPORTIVE AND MEAN AND BRUTAL AT RHE SAME TIME. like on one hand they’re being good people. But on the other GUYS TORALEI IS JUST A BAY GAY. A PATHETIC WET CAT. SHE DOESTN KNOW ANY BETTER BE KIND TO HER.

THE CONFESSION. BE STILL MY HEART.

AND YEAH THEIR ALL GAY AND HAPPY AND-

OH FUCK HERE COMES RATERINA. TIME FOR MORE AMAZING ANGST

NOOO NOT TORALEI IMMEDIATELY SHIFTING TO THE MEAN COLD TRAUMA PERSONA SHES BESN FORCED TO BE BY HER SUPER MEAN MOTHER.

oh man how angry I felt when Raterina greeted her by roughly grabbing her chin and telling her she looked like shit basically. Like THE ANGER

nooo more trauma. Her mom sucks ass.

Aw Toralei just wants to protect Clawdeen .

NO. NOT A THUNDERSTORM. NOT AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIMING SHOWINB THE MOST HUMILIATING VULNERABILITY IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO WILL EXPLOIT IT MERCILESSLY AND MAKE THEM FEEL PATHETIC ABOUT IT! (Not me reacting as if I didn’t prompt that exact thing)

NOOOOO SHUT UP RATERINA.

YEAH GET OVER THEIR AND DEFEND YOUR GIRLFRIEND

SOMEONE GIVE TORALEI A FUCKING HUG

WHOOOOO LETS GO DRACULAURA.

LETS GO BLOODGOOD. SLAY BITCH

YES KICK HER ASS OUT!

Love how Frankie and Draculaura know to leave them alone. Almost as if they know Toralei showing this much vulnerability must already be mortifying for her. Especially with her mom calling her pathetic for it.

HDBSUDNS CLAWDEEN BEING SO SWEET AND TORALEI ADMITTING HER ORIGINAL INTENTIONS THROUGH THE TEARS AND FEAR. THIS WAS ACTUALLY SUCH AN EMOTIONAL RAW SCENE AND PROBABLY MY FAVORITE ONE BESIDES THE RATERINA THUNFER CONFRONTATION.

legitimately I love how she admits it. Cause she doesn’t want to keep anything away from her now. Cause she loves her so much and she’s getting love and comfort she’s so unfamiliar with and her mom truly just sucks ass and gosh. And how Clawdeen knew but had so much faith in her. Probably the first one to every trust and have faith in her. Loving her nevertheless. Finding the good in her.

YES. THEM ENDING WITH SNUGGLES AND COMFORT THROUGH THE STORM. THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH LAVANDER. THANK YIU SO GOD DAMN MCUH FOR WRITING THIS THIS IS TRULY A WORK OF ART. THIS REVIEW LITERALLY TOOK ME AN HOUR IT IS NOW TWO AM IM TIRED AS SHIT. BUT I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS. IM SO SORRY ITS SO LONG!

NUHBGYVFT AND THE WINNER FOR THE LONGEST NON-BEE MOVIE ASK EVER SENT GOES TO-

But also. AHhhhhhh thank you so much this is like legit my favorite ask ever, I love when people give me their scene-by-scene thoughts on my fics, tysm <3

For anyone who hasn't read it, the fic in question is There's Always a Storm!