#don’t necessarily need that being spread everywhere

[buckysgrace]

Hi. You’re amazing!

Do you ever write fluff? Like if you found out you were pregnant with Billy’s baby and at first he’s upset and doesn’t want anything to do with you but after you have the baby ( a little boy with blonde curls like Billy) he gets all emotional and wants to desperately be a better father than his dad was to him 😭

Hello! Thank you so much <3 I absolutely will write fluff!

CW: Mentions of abortion, mentions of child abuse, lots of Billy being scared and a lil mean.

Billy's son is also referenced as having blonde curls and his nose, but the rest is ambiguous!

He was scared.

Billy honestly didn't know what he was going to do. There had been many arguments with you about it, but you seemed fairly determined. You were going to have this baby, whether he wanted to be a part of the baby's life or not.

It wasn't necessarily that he didn't want to be involved, but he could feel a crushing fear spreading through him every time he thought about being a dad.

His relationship with his own dad was strained. Things weren’t the best between them. He never really had a positive father figure, someone that showed him how to stay calm even when he was frustrated. The last thing he wanted was to end up snapping at his own child.

He couldn’t be a dad.

“Not mine,” He said once you showed up with the ultrasound, the bloodwork and everything. Denial was all he could think about, all he could process. He couldn’t fuck up your life and this child’s life if he wasn’t involved. It was that simple, “I didn’t knock you up.” 

“Uh huh,” Was your dry answer, your eyes looking less than amused, “Do you want a paternity test then, William?” Came your snarky response, because you both knew the truth. This baby was his, there was no doubt in Billy’s mind about that. And it terrified him. 

“Don’t call me that.” He said as he pushed his hair off of his forehead, feeling sick as it continued to wash over him. He was going to be a dad. He was going to end up just like Neil. 

“Then don’t act like you weren’t a part of this.” You said, looking just as fearful as what he felt. He sat down on the edge of his bed, tapping his foot rapidly as he thought about how good a smoke sounded right now. He’d need a lot more to make him relax. 

“It’s still early, right?” He questioned at last, turning his attention back to you. He watched the way your eyebrows furrowed tightly together and then relaxed again. Your eyes softened, telling him what he already knew. 

“I’m not getting an abortion,” You said at last, “I’ve made up my mind. You can make your decision, but I’m not letting you walk in and out of our lives whenever you see fit. You can be a part of this baby's life or we can end this. Whatever you prefer.” You were gentle with him, setting out the options softly like you always did. You understood him better than anyone else, made him feel safe. It made him sick to think about how he was hurting the one person he really cared about. 

“Can I think about it?” He asked at last, feeling like there wasn’t anything else to do. He didn’t have an answer yet and he didn’t want to end up saying the wrong thing. He was growing angry at himself. He could only imagine what Neil would say once he found out. 

“Yeah,” You replied gently, eyes softening as you nodded your head, “But I can’t wait forever. I need to know your answer soon.” Your voice slightly wavered but he looked away, not wanting to see you so upset. 

“Yeah,” He responded as he nodded his head and placed his fingers tightly together, “I’ll let you know.” He said at last, staying put until you left. Everything was falling apart, breaking down around him. He couldn’t deal with it right now. 

Ignoring you was harder than he’d thought it would be. He looked for you everywhere he went, even though he knew he couldn’t have you. That was his own fault regardless. He’d made up his mind. It would be easier this way.

Yet, when the invitation for your baby shower arrived in his mail he felt his walls caving in. They crashed into him, making him break down as he stared at your handwritten notes on the card. He could tell just by reading it that you were excited, not afraid. He wished he could be more like you. 

In the end, he decided to go. He needed closure, as he was sure you needed to. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to stand living in the same town as you, knowing that his child would never know him. Somehow, that made him feel even worse.

He felt lonely as the months drew on. He had no one to confide in for his problems; especially Neil and Susan. He didn’t know what to say when they questioned about your disappearance and he felt even more at a loss when they asked him if you were pregnant. A shrug of his shoulders was his answer. He really didn’t know. 

The walk up towards the little gymnasium felt odd, like he didn’t quite belong as he stared at the little balloons and elephant decorations that were spotted throughout the room. There were familiar faces; your friends and family. Some other people that weren’t quite as well known. He still felt awkward, like everyone knew that he was the one who had knocked you up and ran. 

“Hey,” You drew out as you approached him, your palm flat against the bump in front of you, “I didn’t think you’d be here.” You said slowly, literally glowing as you stood in front of him. You had a sundress on, your cheeks were warm and forehead a little sweaty. He wondered if it was from the baby. 

“I didn’t think I’d come either.” He admitted at last, hating how horrible that sounded. He just felt like he was in a rut, buried deep inside of a hole with no real way of coming out. You were like sunshine through the dirt, warming his skin as he watched you. 

“What does this mean?” You asked him at last, tilting your head as your eyes softened over his features. He wished that he had a real answer for you, to tell you how he felt. He was in love with you; deeply. He just didn’t want to hurt you either. It was complicated. 

“I really don’t know yet,” He mumbled, “It just felt right.” He decided on, unable to tell you just how much he missed you. He was nearly desperate enough to fall to his knees and beg for your forgiveness. He would if you pushed him hard enough. 

“Billy,” You drew out in exasperation, “I can’t have you doing this, being so wishy-washy. What do you want?” You asked him seriously, looking like you were close to cracking too. He wanted to reach out and touch you, to hold you. He needed to apologize. 

“I just want to be better,” He replied slowly, “I want to be here. For you and for-,” He stalled for a moment as he looked down at your baby bump, feeling like he was at a loss once again. He wasn’t sure if you wanted him in his life or not. 

“Him,” You said quickly, “We’re having a little boy.” Your eyes were glazed over in tears, your lips pulling into the tightest smile. You were clearly emotional, making him feel awful as he reached his hand forward. Your fingers met slowly, molding against one another. He felt sparks traveling up his arms, leaving him resentful of the past few months he’d wasted. 

“That’s-, that’s good,” He answered after he cleared his throat. He was already scared to be a dad, but to have a son? He feared that even more. He was sure he was following directly into Neil’s shows, “Have you decided on a name?”

“I kind of like Cash,” You stated as you rubbed at your belly, “Just feels right. C’mon, you can open the presents with me.” You explained as you tugged him along, leaving him a little jittery. He thought about pulling out a cigarette, but figured it wasn’t the right place to do it.

He felt a little lost but slowly grew more and more keen on what was happening. It was still a lot to process, but it felt right being there by your side. You were clearly excited despite everything that had happened. He was grateful that you were so open, that you didn’t hold a grudge against him.

“Where are you living at?” He asked instead, curious as to whether your living situation had changed or not. You were still living at home the last time he checked. He was slightly nervous, wondering if someone else had slipped into his spot. 

“Still with my parents,” You admitted as you shrugged your shoulders, “They were upset, but they’ve come around.” Your lips were pulled into a smile, looking less than worried. Apparently things had been fairly well for you.

“They probably hate me.” He said a moment later, sure that it was true. He couldn’t see how they wouldn’t. He had practically left you. You snapped your eyes up towards him. 

“Hate is a strong word,” You told him quickly, “But yeah, they’re not the happiest. Especially dad.” You explained slowly as you continued to rub at your baby bump. 

“Great,” He mumbled as he placed his hands in his pockets, “I’m really sorry.” He breathed out slowly, knowing his apology was more important than everything else. He meant it too. He shouldn’t have pushed you away. 

“You just disappeared,” You started slowly, “I thought you were gone.” Your voice was soft, full of hurt and distress. He felt his throat tightening, burning as he thought about how much he missed you. He was a fool to ever stray away from you, to leave you on your own. 

“I thought about it,” He told you honestly, knowing there was no point in lying, “I don’t want to be like my dad.” He replied at last, getting down to the root of the issue. He didn’t want to accidentally lash out at you or at your future child. He never wanted that for him. It would be better to be alone. 

“You won’t,” You told him quickly, sternly as he exhaled deeply, “You’re not like your dad. I promise you.” You cupped his face softly, your hands smooth and gentle against his skin. He leaned against you, craving the feeling. 

“What if I lose control?” He asked at last as he drew his eyes over your features, taking in the way you were watching him. You sighed deeply as you rubbed your fingers across his skin. You looked deep in thought as you pressed your nails gently against his stubble. 

“You never did that at your swimming classes,” You reminded him, “You should come stay with me. Move in. It would be good for our baby.” You moved your hands to his neck, then to his shoulder and down to his hands. You gripped them slowly, pressing them against your growing tummy.

He stalled for the longest time, blinking slowly as he felt like the world was freezing around him. Underneath your skin he could feel your baby moving. He gulped, eyes wide as he felt the smallest smile curling against his lips. He exhaled deeply as he looked towards you again. 

“I don’t know.” He replied nervously as he felt his heart hammering roughly inside of his chest. He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking that it would be easier. He’d be closer for you, for the baby. If he was really going to do this, he needed to be near you. 

“You don’t have to marry me or anything,” You started, “Or be with me if that’s what you want.” You said sheepishly, looking embarrassed as you quickly looked away. He felt his heart shatter a bit again, worried that he had truly hurt you. 

“You have someone else?” He asked at last, worried that you had moved on. He had done wrong, but he really did love you. You were the only one he was passionate about. He wasn’t sure how to move on if you had found someone else. 

“No,” You responded with a smile, “But I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with us.” You nodded your head, but looked like that was hard to admit. He didn’t want you to be alone. Not anymore. 

“You make me happy,” He said at last, “We’ll work this out. I promise.” He said as he brought your hand up to his lips, savoring the feeling of your skin against his mouth. He closed his eyes, feeling very regretful. He wouldn’t lose you again. 

When he returned home he felt odd, but not like he had in the past few months. He didn’t drink away his feelings, or drown his anger out with music. Instead, he worked on packing. He wasn’t going to be like Neil; not at all. He was going to be there for you. He was going to be there for his son. No matter how scared he was. He couldn’t let either of you down. 

“Where are you going?” Neil’s voice made him jump, surprising him as he paused with the article of clothing in his hands. He turned slowly, looking at the way Neil was leaning against the door frame. He had his hands crossed tightly over his chest, his eyebrows furrowed together tightly. His features were stoic, like he was deciding whether he should be angry or not. 

“I’m moving out,” He said as he turned away, shoving the clothes back into his bag, “I uh, found a place.” Billy replied slowly as he finished zipping up his bag. He wondered how much he’d really be able to take with him. Probably not much if his dad got angry. 

“You moving in with that bitch?” Neil tilted his head up as he spoke, like he was trying to make himself taller. His eyes were sharp, cold as his gaze cut into Billy. He felt sick as he gulped harshly, trying to keep his tone at bay. 

“Don’t call her that.” Billy responded hotly, feeling defensive of you. You weren’t anything like that and you were letting him back into your life; just like that. You were everything and more to him and he wasn’t going to let Neil speak ill of you. 

“Is the kid yours or some little bastard?” His lip curled up in disgust as he spoke, his features filling with disappointment. Billy didn’t care. He was going to be happy with you. He wouldn’t be like Neil. Not ever. 

“Mine,” He said roughly, “And don’t you ever call him that.” He snatched up his bag, taking his few items with him as he moved forward. Neil scoffed as he shook his head, irritated as Billy pushed forward.

“She’s going to ruin your life,” He grumbled as he gripped Billy’s shoulder, holding him in place for a moment, “And don’t even think about crawling back. I won’t have you.” He said threateningly, like he might change Billy’s mind.

“I won’t come back.” Billy promised, stern with his answer as he walked past him. He wouldn’t let his son suffer the same way he had. They both deserved better than this. 

The rest of the months passed breezily, making him come to terms a little easier as your due date approached. He had done a lot of ass kissing, pleading and groveling until he got back on your good side. He brought you flowers every day, rubbed your feet after work and gave you plenty of kisses.

You complained about how you looked as the final weeks approached, but he thought that you looked beautiful. Stunning. In his opinion, you were glowing. He loved rubbing your tummy too, feeling like he got a deeper connection that way.

Your labor was messy, a little chaotic. Billy was terrified something would go wrong, but stayed close to you regardless. By the end of it, his hand was numb and his wrist aching from how tightly he’d been gripping you.

“Look at him,” You breathed out as you held the little boy in your arms, “He’s so cute.” You sniffled, looking like you were seconds away from breaking down again.

He stared and stared, memorizing his son's features as he came to terms that he was a father. He had a little boy, someone to take care of. He looked so fragile, so tiny. It made him nervous. He was fearful that he’d accidentally hurt him by holding him wrong, or by dropping him. He wasn’t sure how his rough hands were supposed to hold something so soft. 

"Billy," You breathed out quietly, making his throat grow raw as he stared down at the little boy. Soft blonde curls and the same sloped nose he had. Everything else about the little boy reminded him of you, "Are you crying?" You asked gently, making him feel even more emotional as he shook his head. 

“No,” He said hoarsely, doing everything in his power to keep from breaking down, “S’just a lot.” He mumbled as he wiped at his eyes, inhaling deeply through his nose as he tried to calm himself down. His hands were shaking, his heart thumping roughly inside of his chest. 

“I know,” You replied softly as you sat up a bit, gesturing the bundle in your arms towards him, “C’mon. You’ll feel better.” You reassured him, but he still felt hesitant. He pressed his fingertips together before he nodded, accepting the little baby from you.

Names hadn’t quite been figured out yet, but that didn’t matter at the moment. He looked healthy, his cheeks full and fists clenched together as he stretched his arms out. Billy felt a small chuckle leave his neck, fighting over the sob that was threatening to burst free.

He suddenly couldn’t remember why he had been so nervous, or scared. As his son curled against his arms it felt natural, like he already knew what he was doing. He savored the warmth, the way the little baby cooed as he adjusted him in his arms. Everything felt right suddenly.

“I won’t let anything bad ever happen to you,” He promised as he kissed his little head, sighing deeply as he snuggled his little son towards him, “Not ever. I promise.” 

[aliaology]

SO AMERICAN (short)

SUMMARY: in which holtzy and you are dating, and you are very much in love with him

PAIRINGS: alexander holtz x fem!hughes!reader

WARNINGS: none just fluff :)

driving on the, right side road. he says im pretty, wearing his clothes. and hes got hands that, make hell seem cold. feet on the dashboard, he’s like a poem i wish i wrote. i wish i wrote.

you were the prime example of ‘passenger princess’ but in your very own car. i mean— it wasn’t necessarily your fault that you weren’t the best suited to drive in the city. no no— it was jacks because all he did was drive you and luke around.

but your brother was not the one driving. no, it was your boyfriend who was. you also never understood why he loved to drive your car. but the actual reason was because it was so… you. and he loved that.

your feet were propped on the dashboard, notebook and pen in your lap and hand as you mindlessly scribbled words together. alex’s hand was on your thigh, the warmth from his hand spreading throughout your body like a wildfire.

his fingers traced lightly on your bare thighs, pinky almost sliding up and hitting your shorts with every move he made. the bumps in the road made it so his hand would lightly hit your skin.

your eyes were averted to the pen and paper as you eagerly wrote down word after word, his hand squeezing your thigh every few minutes.

as he squeezed your thigh one more time, you looked over to him. he was the epitome of a love poem and you wished you were the one to write it. with a soft smile on your face, you leaned closer to him and placed your lips onto his cheek.

and he laughs at all my jokes, and he says im so american! oh god, its just not fair of him to make me feel this much. go anywhere he goes, and he says im so american! oh god, im gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. i might just be in la-la-la-la-love.

you two were at a restaurant, smiling at each other. you spoke, hushed and quietly, almost with embarrassment. your words caused him to burst with laughter, hand slapping over his mouth as his shoulders shook.

his reaction caused you to giggle, a bright smile on your face. the smile would quickly turn to one of embarrassment when you ask a waitress for a meal— one that you have trouble pronouncing. and he laughs as the waitress leaves.

you had a frown on your face— not one of sadness but one of ‘are you kidding me?’

alex snorted as he spoke, “you are so american.”

feigning a look of offense, your eyes narrowed slightly, giving a look of hurt. this just caused alex to chuckle more before grabbing your hand and pressing a small kiss to it.

“how about we just get out of here instead? i think i’d very much rather eat in.” he suggested.

and so you went wherever he did. you ditched the restaurant. you ditched the fancy dinner, and you went home. when you got home; you both eagerly sat on the couch and just watched a movie.

god im so boring, and im so rude! cant have a conversation if its not all about you. the way you dress and, the books you read. i really love my bed but man its hard to sleep when he’s with me. when he’s with me…!

you sat with your friends, picking at your nails as they spoke. their conversation being something about style— something about clothes. you weren’t too interested, you weren’t even talking.

“anything to add, y/n?” one asked.

you shrugged. “i don’t know— style wise i really like alex’s and maybe i’m just biased but it seems super comfy. shockingly he also has a great taste in books and—“

“girl all you do is take about your man!” your friend cut you off.

another friend piped up, “can’t say i blame her. i mean we’ve been friends for what? seven years? in that time frame shes had one boyfriend and he kinda sucked. if i had a man treat me the way hers does, i’d be plastering that everywhere.”

your last friend shrugged. “i get it— honestly i want to hear more about this guy. she talks about him but its never enough because someone interrupts her.”

“its fine— all you really need to know about him is that he treats me very well, and i love him.”

after your little get together with your friends, you made your way to your apartment. the sun was setting and you wanted to lay in bed. but as soon as you got home, locked up and went to your room and saw your boyfriend, you knew for a fact you wouldn’t be going to sleep.

i apologize if its a little too much, just a little too soon. but if the conversation ever were to come up i don’t wanna assume this stuff. but aint it rough? think im in love!

[bounded-accuracy]

I think most of the gods in Spyre are probably non-evangelizing. We just see a very skewed sample because the evangelizing ones tend to (1) have more followers and (2) leave more of a written record.

I don’t think Cassandra’s fear of dying is necessarily a standard part of being a god. But gods who have that fear are better able to spread; the ones who aren’t worried about immortality don’t create that same urgency in their followers. The pre-NK version of Cassandra got forgotten, but they actually got forgotten in quite a loud way.

Probably lots of gods get forgotten and it’s just… not a big deal. They have one follower or a tiny handful of followers, they live a mortal lifespan, and then they pass on. They don’t have to force themselves, lich-like, to stay relevant over many generations or a wide tent of followers. They’re a close match to what some specific followers need in a specific time and place, and that’s enough.

You’re much more likely to run into a follower of one of the louder gods. But it’s sort of an illusion. It’s like going to the American South and seeing kudzu everywhere, and assuming most plants are like kudzu. Or that kudzu must be the plant that’s most beneficial to humans. There’s way more variety than that, it’s just that kudzu spreads really fast.

[cuntylouis]

Armand and the Romani

I’ve mentioned many times now that I think it would be really interesting and fitting if Armand in the show was Romani and that’s my personal interpretation of his character until proven otherwise. I don’t think it’s necessarily very likely going to be canon, especially when writers rarely remember Romani people exist, but like I’ve said this is like the only show in the world I think could be smart enough to understand how deeply the history of race and racism in Europe (which we know they’re going to address) is intertwined with the history of the Roma people, so you never know. I’ve seen an interesting theory that Armand could be a Tatar and I think that’s the most likely route they’re going to go, but I think him being Roma or some other ethnicity is still a possibility. Furthermore, because of the Roma people’s unique history he could actually be both Tatar and Roma at the same time, especially if he’s from Ukraine like in the books (more on this later). I wanted to elaborate on why Armand’s character and IWTV in general resonate with me so strongly, why I think Armand being Roma could bring a lot to the show and fit thematically, and how if Armand had a Roma background it would influence the way he acts.

Just as a foreword this post is long as HELL as I’ll be talking about Roma people with an assumption that most readers don’t know much about them, and it involves heavy generalization by necessity. I want to emphasize that Roma people are a very heterogeneous group that have very diverse experiences and practices depending on where they live, my experiences don’t apply to all Roma, and I’m not speaking for all Roma. I don’t know much about the Roma in France or Ukraine (which would be relevant for this conversation) other than what google can tell me and I don’t really trust it because much of the information you find on the internet is written by non-Roma people. So when I say something is a part of Roma culture, I mean really that it’s in my subjective experience a part of the traditional Roma culture in my country. The customs may vary a lot even between families in a same region, and the modern Roma and those with mixed ancestry (like me) don’t always follow traditions. I feel I need to stress this because there are a lot of (often negative) misconceptions of the Romani and I don’t want to further contribute to them or just replace them with different misconceptions. Content warning for discussion on sexual and racial violence and the Holocaust.

*

The history of the Roma people

The Romani (also called Roma, Rom and other variations) are a traditionally nomadic ethnic group originating from the northern India. The Roma are often confused with other itinerant people like Irish Travellers and the Yenish but are a separate group. Note also that the word ‘gypsy’ is considered pejorative and most Roma people dislike being called that, and the Roma have nothing to do with the country of Romania, the names are etymologically unrelated. The Roma people are divided in many different subgroups, and many facets of the Roma culture are easier to understand if you know that it was originally a clan culture like many nomadic cultures.

The Romani diaspora has spread to everywhere in the world (the biggest Roma populations are in U.S and Brazil) but is the most concentrated in Europe where they came through Persia in the Middle Ages, with most European countries today having a Roma minority of 0,5%-8%. The Roma population is estimated to be 10-15 million, but nobody knows for sure because many Roma aren’t included in censuses, many Roma people choose not to disclose their ethnicity due to discrimination, and some people who have Roma parentage don’t identify as Roma. The Roma identity is strongly tied to the community. A person who’s adopted or marries into a Roma family may in some cases be considered Roma regardless of their ethnic background, and an ethnically Roma person who doesn’t have connection to the Roma community and doesn't follow traditions might not be considered a real Roma (in practice the latter situation is much more common than the first one). This is relevant when talking about someone like Armand who if we follow the books was taken from his family when he was young and adopted by a white man. Regardless, the Roma are Europe’s largest ethnic minority. I don’t think statistics really matter in a fantasy horror show but it would be the most likely scenario for someone with Armand’s appearance who was born in the 1500s Europe to be Romani.

I assume the show Armand’s character and story may be largely similar to the books based on what we’ve seen, him just having been older when he was turned into a vampire, though it's unclear is he still from Ukraine. In the episode 2 we see him refer to his prayer in a language that Daniel thinks is ‘Kazakh, or 'somewhere in the Crimea’. Wikipedia suggest that it’s actually Uzbek, though we don't know does it mean Armand is definitely from Uzbekistan. Regardless, him using this language without even thinking when talking about his praying makes me think it may be his mother tongue, and we’re probably meant to think that he’s from the Eastern Europe/Central Asia region. I’m personally suspecting he could still be from the Ukraine region like in the books considering they had Daniel think of Crimea. Him using the name Armand Marius in France which is essentially a patronym also makes me think that he could be from a Slavic country. If he was Roma or from other nomadic tribe he could’ve also easily spent time in several countries. Although there is Romani language that is related to Sanskrit, most Roma speak as their native language whatever is the majority language where they live. Many Roma speak multiple languages, especially if they’re nomadic. From what we’ve seen of Armand speaking, Assad does a great job at making his accent vaguely sound like many different accents but not quite like any of them.

One of the ways the Roma are a unique group is that they’re one of the very few ethnicities in the whole world that don’t associate themselves with any country or place. Typically, even other nomadic peoples have some distant homeland or place they see themselves as connected to. The Roma don’t feel connection to any specific country or place; they have no homeland and they don’t want one either. Although in people’s perceptions the Roma are practically synonymous with free-spirited wanderers, most Roma in the modern time are sedentary, and historically when the Roma people have wandered it has often been because of persecution or trying to make a living, not by choice. Freedom and independence are important values for the Roma people, but more in the sense of being allowed to be themselves and live how they want, not necessarily physical roaming. It’s much more common for Roma people to dream of stability and having a home and secure job than of being able to wander.

Many of the perceived modern problems among the Roma can be traced to the change of work and industry from the late 1800s to the early 1900s. The industrialization and urbanization made most traditional Roma professions such as blacksmiths, craftsmen, horse traders, animal trainers and travelling salesmen and entertainers obsolete. Even though there was always prejudice against the Roma they also used to be respected for their expertise on those areas and there was positive interaction with the majority population too. Then suddenly they lost the chance to practice their old professions but lacked societal and monetary capital to learn new ones, which led to mass unemployment and poverty that still exists today. This not fitting in the modern society is a common Roma experience. In the books I feel this is reflected when the vampire characters seek ways to connect with the modern world and humanity. Armand sees Louis as such possibility, but as he in the end tells him ‘You are as cold and distant from me as those strange modern paintings of lines and hard forms that I cannot love or comprehend.’

The Roma people are defined by the dichotomy of being perpetual outsiders who never fully integrate anywhere, and on the other hand being chameleons who adapt anywhere. They often adopt the customs, language and religion of the majority population, while maintaining their own. The Roma have likely been in Europe for at least thousand years, and the earliest records of them are even older. Despite this the Roma have arguably never been fully a part of any wider society or fully accepted. It can be talked about the Roma society rather than just the Roma culture, because the Roma people often form almost a separate parallel society wherever they live. It’s common that the people from the main population don’t have any Roma friends while the Roma people don’t have any friends in the majority population, and the Roma may have little interaction and connection with the wider society. The Roma have been ostracized, but because of this long ostracization the Roma also don’t trust in the society around them and may try to limit their interactions with the majority population. As a Roma you can feel like you live behind a veil that separates you from the rest of the world and you can’t really touch and see each other. Many Roma experience the sense of profound loneliness and of rootlessness, a feeling like you don’t have the past or the future and nothing really matters. Everything above makes Rice’s melancholic, drifting, existential vampires very relatable to me.

The Roma people have been and still are associated with crime, dishonesty, uncleanness and supernatural. The Roma have often been accused of witchcraft, satanism and stealing children. Depending on the time and place people have tried to either banish or forcibly assimilate the Roma. In many countries it was legal to kill a Roma person without impunity. Historically The Roma have often been slaves or otherwise forced into labor or prevented from moving freely. For example, in Romania the Roma were kept in chattel slavery for centuries over 500 years until 1860. The first Roma in America arrived there as slaves too. Interesting in the context of the show, Spain sent Roma slaves to their Louisiana colony and at least according to Wikipedia there is an Afro-Romani community in St. Martin Parish due to intermarriage of African American and Romani slaves (I would’ve been interested to read more about this but couldn’t find much online sources). In the books Armand was abducted by the Tatars to be sold as a slave. Nowadays the term Tatar is used for different Turkic ethnic groups, but historically it was used to refer to anyone who came from the Northern or Central Asia (Tartary). The Roma people were also commonly known as Tartare/Tattare, as they came from the East too. Coincidentally some Roma are thought to have arrived in Europe as slaves of the Tatars or the Mongols. At the same time the Crimean Roma and the Crimean Tatars have a very close and unique history to the point that the Crimean Roma are commonly considered a subgroup of the Crimean Tatars. So it would actually be possible that Armand is both Tatar and Roma, especially if he comes from that region!

2. The Romani culture and relations with other people

The Roma people are often highly fetishized and oversexualized, and viewed as promiscuous and manipulatively seductive, which can also be seen in how Roma characters are depicted in popular culture. Roma people continue to be victims of sexual assault and trafficking at very high rates. Roma women are often assumed to be prostitutes or sexually available. When you see news about human trafficking in the Eastern Europe, both labor and prostitution, the victims are often Roma even though it's rarely mentioned. Many consensual sex workers are also Roma, but most of them likely wouldn’t be sex workers without poverty and if they had other opportunities. Roma children experience sexual abuse much more frequently than children of the majority population, and they're often viewed as more mature and manipulative than they are. This all reminds me of how in the books Armand was sexualized by nearly every person he comes across even when he was a child or teen. Taking Roma children from their families to exploit them or to assimilate and ‘take the gypsy out of them’ in one way or another has always been common, nowadays this often happens in the guise of child protection. Here in Finland even 50% of the Romani children in 1950-1980 were placed in state care institutions, and this continues to happen in many countries. The less fantastical version of what Armand went through with being abducted and sold and exploited by everyone including his ‘savior’ who tried to sanctimoniously civilize him is what has happened to countless Roma children over the centuries.

The traditional Roma cultural practices can be considered (when heavily oversimplifying) to be built on three pillars that are connected to each other: respecting elders, concepts of purity and impurity, and honor and shame. Most cultures probably consider respecting old people important but in the Roma culture this is deeper and more extensive than usual. Older people are treated and spoken to with very high respect, people often address even their own parents with the formal ‘you’. Being older is on itself seen as a sign of authority and younger people must always listen to their elders. This respect shows up in everywhere in daily life in both practical and symbolic ways, older people take the food first, if the house has more than one floor the younger people don’t live in the rooms above older people, shaking hands with or sitting next to an older person may be considered inappropriate because they imply an equalitarian relationship etc. It’s very difficult for a young Roma person to say no to an older person or express anger or anything that could be seen as disrespectful. The Roma culture has anarchistic qualities because the Roma don’t necessarily acknowledge the state’s authority, and intracommunity hierarchies are quite fluid and decentralized, but the older people’s higher status over the young ones is seen as obvious and natural.

Cleanness is another aspect that is very central to the Roma culture, in both literal and symbolic sense (ironically, since the Roma are often seen as dirty). The Roma don’t expect non-Roma to follow or even be aware of their complex system around it (mentioning this because I know some people fear that they accidentally offend Roma if they do something wrong lol). The Roma consider the body above the waist ‘pure’ and below it ‘impure’, and things that touch them are kept separate, and all objects are categorized according to their perceived cleanness. For example, when you come from the grocery store the shopping bag can’t be put on the floor or chair, you can’t sit or lean on the table, hats and shirts are not put on chairs, if a kitchen utensil falls on the floor it may be thrown away instead of washed because it’s now considered unclean etc. Kitchen is the purest place and is kept as clean as humanly possible. The clothes of men and women and people of different age groups are washed separately. When a Roma person grows old they become ‘pure’, and people are particularly considerate not to tarnish them, for example a younger person can’t sit on an older person’s bed and if they sleep in the same room their feet can’t pointed at the older person’s direction. In some circumstances an impure person may be temporarily or permanently banished from the community. The importance of cleanness in the Roma culture goes back to preventing illness in the traditional nomadic lifestyle, and it’s speculated possibly to even further in history in India where the Roma people’s ancestors’, the lowest caste Dalits, responsibility may have been to handle corpses and other unsanitary jobs.

Contrary to the stereotype the Roma are usually highly modest and anything ‘below the navel’ stuff (sex, pregnancy, periods, bodily functions) is rarely discussed. The Roma men and women don’t talk about them at all with each other if they aren’t a couple, and parents don’t usually talk about sex or dating with their children. Casual sex is disapproved. Oral and anal sex are considered unclean. Although Roma people often marry very young (sometimes underage) it’s usually with people of the same age group, people of distinctly different generations having romantic or sexual relations or even talking about sex with each other is a taboo. For example, if there’s something sexual on television the younger people may leave out of respect if there are older people in the room. A pregnant woman may hide it even from her own parents. Much of the Roma customs focus on ‘keeping face’ and maintaining respectful relations with the other Roma and their surroundings and avoiding anything that would bring shame, and this shame can touch the whole family.

Now if we come back to Armand, if he’s a Roma that adds a new aspect to his trauma, especially pertaining to sexual abuse and his relationship with Marius. Sexual abuse and grooming like that are hard to for any child to process, and especially difficult and confusing it would be for a Roma child, when in the Roma culture older and younger people even talking about sex is seen as offensive and older people’s wisdom and authority are seen as absolute. When in the Roma culture sex itself is taboo and wrong kind of sexual activity can make you ritually unclean it would further worsen the trauma that started from his kidnapping and cause immense shame. Since the old people are considered purer than young people a Roma child might also feel like they’re soiling the sexual abuser and blame themself. Death and touching dead bodies is considered unclean as well; a vampire would always be ritually impure. The way Armand is exposed to sex in Venice is pretty much the polar opposite of how sex is treated in the Roma culture. In the books we see Armand struggle with his complicated feelings about Marius and how he resents him but can’t still stop loving him and seeking his approval, or often can’t even express his negative feelings openly. I think it sounds familiar how many Roma people want independence but still feel obligated to respect their elders even if doesn’t always feel right.

I think this respect for elders also shows in how Armand treats Daniel in the show. He’s quite polite towards him and very considerate in trying to make sure he’s comfortable. Although Armand is in his servant disguise for most of the season 1, he notably keeps talking to Daniel in a pretty similar way after he drops his disguise. This maintaining the appearance of respect even when you’re angry at the older person is typical for Roma people. Armand is chronologically much older than Daniel, but Daniel is still physically an elderly person which is seen as automatically deserving high respect in the Roma culture. Armand and Daniel possibly having some sort of romantic relationship in the past complicates their dynamic.

3. The Romani from the WWII to now

It's hard to convey how extreme the prejudice and hate towards the Roma people is still in the 2020s Europe. Majority of people have highly negative views on the Roma. In the polls most respondents say they don’t want to work with or employ Roma people and wouldn’t want their child to date anyone who’s Roma. Majority of the Roma live below the poverty line, often in segregated slums around cities or villages in countryside, many of them without electricity or running water or access to other basic services like healthcare. Depending on a country the life expectancy for Roma people is 7-20 years smaller than for the majority population. Housing for Roma people has been a big problem for a long time, with many Roma being homeless or living in subpar settlements that the officials often destroy and force Roma to move. Nobody wants to rent or sell to Roma people or be their neighbor, so the Roma population often segregated from the majority population. Illiteracy is still common. Many Roma children don’t go to school; if they do, they’re often put in special classes or special schools where they’re separated from other children and receive substandard education. If they receive proper education they can’t get a job because nobody will hire Roma people. Many companies and places refuse to let Roma people enter. Hate crimes and police violence are common. As a Roma you can feel like you’re leprous, nobody will talk to you or come close to you.

Typical for anti-Romani racism is that people don’t see it as real racism and consider it justified and something that Roma people deserve. There also isn’t much difference how left-wing and right-wing people view Roma. Racism against Roma people is widely accepted and normalized regardless of political affiliation. In Europe the Roma are singled out and many people who aren’t (at least on conscious level) racist towards other ethnicities still despise Roma people. A case that has stuck with me and I feel embodies how the Roma are dehumanized is from Naples, Italy in 2008 where the beachgoers continued their day sunbathing and picnicking near the bodies of two drowned Roma girls. Though anti-Roma racism exists everywhere, it’s where the European hypocrisy is its most obvious. The Europeans often talk about the history of racial segregation, slavery and ethnic cleansing in other places like it’s something distant and absurd to us, when systematic segregation continues to be everyday to Roma people here in the present day.

The position of the Roma people is unique because much of the discourse around racism in Europe is focused on immigration and assumptions that people of color always come from 'somewhere else', but the Roma’s ancestors have often been here as long as the white Europeans’ ancestors. Racism against the Roma people predates the modern concepts of race, scientific racism and the modern imperialism and colonialism. The Roma are a large group that certainly hasn’t been living in an isolated bubble separate from the rest of the world and they’ve had a significant influence on the Europe’s culture, but they and their suffering are often invisible and many people are completely ignorant of it. The Roma have oral tradition and there are few Roma politicians, journalists or scholars so they lack platform to make their issues known. The Roma have become a sort of permanent underclass in Europe.

We know that the s2 takes place in the 40s in the immediate aftermath of the WWII and deals with it in some capacity. The hatred towards the Roma people can be seen as having culminated during the WWII when anywhere from 250,000 to 2 million, or 25% to 80% of the European Roma were killed during the Holocaust. The figures vary so much because the Romani genocide is severely understudied, we don’t know how large the Roma population was, and there weren’t as meticulous records of the Roma victims as there was of the Jewish victims. The Romani genocide (sometimes called Porajmos) has often been treated as an afterthought but for the Roma people it was absolutely devastating. The Roma were classified as racially inferior and were killed in concentration camps and in shootings by mobile killing squads. Roma people were often sterilized and used for medical experiments. In some countries like Croatia and the Netherlands practically the entire Roma population was destroyed.

After the war there was little sympathy for the Roma. Many Roma became stateless refugees, and Germany didn’t acknowledge what happened to the Roma as genocide until decades later, which prevented the survivors from seeking restitution. The post-war trials didn’t cover the crimes against the Roma people. Attempts to assimilate the Roma and wipe out their culture continued in many countries. There still isn’t widespread acknowledgement and understanding of the Romani genocide and how it’s a direct cause for the Romani people’s current situation, even within the community. Deep poverty, illiteracy and lack of education and social institutions has led to there not being full consciousness and collective memory around the Holocaust among the Roma like the Jewish people have.

What happened to Roma varied a lot from country to country. France has always been rather hostile to the Roma, and it was also a ‘forerunner’ in the modern racial discrimination against them because it started to register Roma in the early 1900s and giving them ID cards that categorized them differently from other travelling workers. During the World War II some French Roma were deported to nazi-run concentration camps like Auschwitz, but most were detained in internment camps in France that were created under the nazi authorities but run by the French authorities. Although not technically extermination camps, their living conditions were similar to concentration camps and thousands of prisoners died from disease and hunger. After the German occupation ended the internment camps stayed in operation until 1946, two years after the liberation. The special Roma ID cards were used until the late 60s. Some people have noted how in the show Santiago seems to work as the ‘front’ for Theatre des Vampires while Armand stays in the background. I think it’s likely related to their races in any case, but this arrangement makes sense especially if Armand is Roma because it would be very diffcult for any company or organization to be openly led by a Roma person in France during the WWII, and the years preceding and following it. Even in the 2020s many people and companies refuse to do business with Roma people, and back then it would’ve been dangerous. Also, whether Armand is Roma or not, many people are probably going to assume he is when seeing a South Asian looking French man, so that’s going to be in subtext regardless.

I think all this would make Louis strongly sympathize with and relate to Armand – and also to see him as more vulnerable and less dangerous than he really is. However, Armand might not see the things in the same way. After Louis is turned he still feels on personal level engaged with what is happening in the society and feels anger over injustice and continues to see black people as his people even when he becomes increasingly distanced from the community. But when a Roma person is taken away from the Roma community they’re not necessarily perceived as Roma by other Roma or even themselves. You might never become a part of the wider society either, you just become ‘no one’. Armand might not think of Roma as ‘his people’. Because the Roma already see themselves as outcasts and separate from the rest of the world and people, for someone who becomes a vampire that could mean complete emotional disconnect.

Perhaps because the Roma perceive themselves as separate from the wider society, it’s not typical for Roma people to be interested in politics or activism or influencing the wider society at all. This is a big generalization because of course there are Roma activists and Roma organizations, especially since the 70s, but by and large Roma people tend to be more or less apathetic towards politics and analyzing the forces behind it. Many Roma don’t vote (and needless to say many countries make it difficult for them) or participate in politics in any way. Political movements, rebellions and revolutions mean nothing to the Roma people. Every so-called revolution or change either has had no influence on the Roma people’s life or made it worse. The Roma people don’t trust non-Roma people, and the organizations and movements have usually been uninterested in involving Roma people anyway. As someone who is interested in politics and activism when I try to talk about stuff with any other Roma person I often get a ‘why does this matter’ or ‘what does this have to do with us’ reaction. The Roma are very used to their situation because they can’t remember or imagine it ever being different, and they often have an attitude that could be described as ‘it is what it is’. Armand might not feel similar anger Louis feels. Armand’s indifference and distaste towards societal institutions is reflected in the books too:

Armand would also perceive his own and Louis’ race differently than Louis does. For the Roma the world consists of people who are Roma or non-Roma (Gadjo). The Roma don’t really make differences between different races, they’re all Gadjo. When Armand meets Louis he would see him as a Gadjo man before black man, which I imagine could start to feel invalidating in the long term. The Roma tend to be sympathetic towards any outcasts and accepting of different people, but I think many Roma are also rather ignorant of different cultures and struggles, and they don’t necessarily feel automatic connection with different racialized people. The Roma perceive their experience as unique and something non-Roma people can’t understand. In the end all this means the way Armand views the world could actually be closer to how Lestat views it, and Louis might not find the solidarity and understanding he's hoping for.

4. The Romani family, kinship and spiritual practices

Religion and spirituality are very important to many Roma people. Here in Finland most Romani are deeply religious, much more so than the majority population that is pretty secular. Most Roma are Christians or Muslims, mostly different Christian sections in the Western Europe and Islam in the Balkans. The Roma in Ukraine are mostly Orthodox Christians or Muslims, so that would fit too if Armand was raised as a Muslim and didn’t convert later. Relationship with God, seeking forgiveness and sense of purpose, and someone who accepts you as you are, are something that Roma people commonly long for. The Hunchback of Notre Dame should never be used as an example of good representation and I swear this is the last time I’ll ever mention it anywhere, but I always thought this song captures surprisingly well something of how many Roma people feel. Armand’s intense and desperate relationship with religion and the spiritual struggle he and other characters go through is something that is very relatable to me.

With the lack of social structures, stability and purpose, for many Roma people the family and faith are the two most important things in the world. Without them the Roma have nothing. I think this is painfully clear with Armand who was separated from his family and culture, raised by a man who abused and then abandoned him, and literally lost his humanity and connection with God. Both other characters and Armand himself often describe him as this endless empty, hungry void that he is always trying to fill himself with something. Armand is prone to cult mentality and being manipulated in his intense yearning for emotional and spiritual connection.

I think Assad described Armand well when said he isn’t well-versed in the language of love and romance, but he does want it desperately. The Roma’s approach to romantic relationships is complicated because the strict rules of modesty around sexuality mean that they’re not usually explicitly discussed and even married couples avoid showing any affection in public. Historically Roma people have often been prevented from getting officially married so they have developed their own marriage rituals that vary by a country. Although the Roma take their relationship commitments very seriously legal marriage isn’t usually seen as important in the Roma culture and Roma couples may not get married at all legally.

The Roma are also one the very few cultures where in some countries like Finland the institution of marriage doesn’t really exist. The Romani here may get married sometimes but it’s seen as entirely unimportant and doesn’t have any bearing for the relationship, there usually isn’t a wedding or any rituals associated with marriage. A couple who’s committed to each other is seen as having the same status as a married couple. My paternal grandparents have been together for over 50 years and have never been married. Louis’ relationships with both Lestat and Armand would be considered marriage in the Roma culture. Because there aren’t well-established rules of dating and courtship in the Roma culture, forming romantic relationships can be difficult for Roma people. I’m thinking of Armand deeply wanting love but the way he approaches it often being awkward or offputting.

Family is the most important thing and the center of life in the Roma culture. The Romani culture is traditionally patriarchal and considering the importance of age, in practice the ‘leader’ is usually the oldest man of the family. The women’s position is complicated. Men and women are considered to be equals in the Roma culture and older women and their opinions are respected like with older men. Divorce is usually acceptable and isn’t seen as shameful, many older Roma women I know also have children with more than one man and it isn’t seen as a big deal. The ideal Roma woman is intelligent and emotionally and physically strong. At same time there have been and often still are distinctly divided roles for men and women in the Roma culture. Women are responsible for taking care of everything in the household and men for everything outside the household. The man of the house listens to their wife and children’s opinions but he has the final word. Men are expected to be the providers and protectors of their family and it’s something they base a lot of their identity and self-worth around – the most important thing really. I feel we can see a dynamic like this with Armand and Louis - Louis obviously isn’t a woman but he’s much weaker and younger (again, age being very important in the Roma culture). When watching s1 you think Armand is a servant, but if you look any closer, even without knowing it’s a performance, you notice what’s actually happening is that Armand is organizing and taking care of everything in their life. Later he tells Daniel how he’s protecting Louis like always with such a pride.

Another thing I think is worth mentioning that from my experience in the Roma culture physically disciplining children or women is and has been less acceptable and normalized than in the Western and many other cultures. It just isn’t done much, even my grandparents have said they don’t remember their own parents ever hitting them. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t domestic abuse in the Roma families, sadly it’s common in some regions, but it isn’t usually seen as normal and acceptable by the community. The Roma don’t like to involve police but there are many cases where an abusive man has been banished from the community. Also compared to many other cultures it can be less difficult for a woman to leave the man if she’s mistreated, since divorce is accepted and independence valued. I would say that when in most European countries there has often been an attitude that as a man you have a right and even responsibility to hit your wife and children, in the Roma culture it has been more like ‘a real man doesn’t do that’ and if they do they try to hide it. Roma men often perceive themselves as being more respectful towards women than Gadjo men are. When you combine all this - patriarchal society, older men having power over their family being seen as a normal and good thing, but disapproving overt violence within family – I think it would be very easy for Armand to convince himself he isn’t abusing or hurting Louis and is treating him right and being better than Lestat.

Art is very central to the Roma culture, especially music, dance and artisanship, but also other forms like painting and theatre. The first known records of the Roma people already refer to them being musicians.  Travelling theatre companies like the one Lestat run away with when he was young were often formed by Roma people. Armand was a talented painter and his love and search for beauty is something that always remains in his story. I found it interesting that this s2 Claudia poster was seemingly inspired by Carmen, one of the most famous Roma characters, and maybe flamenco dancers in general (flamenco being developed in the Roma culture). It tells me that they seem to at least be aware that the Roma people exist if nothing else.

The Roma appreciate beauty and the finer things in life, sometimes in a way that can appear materialistic to the non-Roma people, but the Roma themselves don’t perceive it so. It’s not uncommon that the Roma who’re poor or even homeless still own some jewelry or a nice car. If the Roma people are actually rich they like to show it and are generous in sharing it. Wealth has often been unattainable to the Roma people, so if they have it they don’t see a reason to hide it. Historically the Roma also haven’t trusted banks so they prefer to keep their wealth in physical form. With Armand who grew up in poverty you can see how he appreciates luxury and likes to shower his loved ones like Daniel and Sybelle and Benjamin with it too (again, being a good provider is very important for the Roma men). Sidenote this is another reason why I think the Dubai house’s sterile minimalist interiors were not Armand’s idea because no Roma person in the world would ever decorate their house like that lol.

The way the Roma people traditionally dress differs from the majority population, and their appreciation for beauty and wealth is visible in it too. The clothing has been a way for Roma to show their identity to both other Roma and other people. The rules of modesty influence the Roma people’s traditional clothing and they often avoid showing knees and elbows and the shape of the body. Younger people often wear lighter and older people darker colors. Especially Roma women have dressed in very distinct ways depending on their tribe, for men it’s usually more subtle. The typical Roma men’s every day clothing includes suits, black or white dress shirts, loosely fitting black trousers, vests, hats, ruffles and golden jewelry. Armand’s styling in the show both in the flashbacks and Dubai caught my attention. While there’s nothing exclusively ‘Roma’ in his outfits almost all of them could easily be worn by a Roma man. Most likely it means nothing but knowing how good costume designer Carol Cutshall she would probably try to be accurate.

In the Roma culture referring to dead people by their name and showing their pictures is avoided. Traditionally the remaining family moves out from the house where they lived with the dead person, and the person’s belongings and images are burned or otherwise destroyed after their death (at least in Finland this is still sometimes done). It’s out of respect but I think it’s also a response to generations of trauma where there has been so much death and suffering that Roma people need to forget and move on so they can continue living. In the books Armand treats death in the same way; when he loses someone he stops talking about them, sometimes even thinking about them. When he’s abducted he doesn’t mention his father (who he assumes is dead) again and forgets even his own name, because the child he was before he was taken doesn’t exist anymore. Despite being so needy he often just leaves things behind and keeps on moving, like when he simply walked away from Louis. The Roma aren’t prone to nostalgia and they don’t like wallowing in the past or worrying about things that might or might not happen either, it’s all seen as a luxury they can't afford. It still doesn’t make it just disappear. The deep hidden sorrow that Armand and many other characters of the series always carry with them resonates with me as a Roma.

*

Lastly, I want to emphasize this is all just random theorizing and I’m happy regardless of whatever Armand’s background ends up being! I also know some Roma don’t want Roma portrayed in fiction made by non-Roma people at all because they don’t trust it to be done well. There’s also a problem with Roma characters usually being played by non-Roma. IWTV is an exception to me personally because I have an unusually high level of trust in this show’s writing, I love and relate to Armand’s character, and I think Assad Zaman looks like he could believably play a Roma man instead of the usual casting of a white person who looks ‘exotic’. However, like I said in the beginning there isn’t any proof Armand is actually going to be Roma and for now this is just headcanoning and speculation for fun. I also want to say that I hope I didn���t give an impression that Roma people’s life is like constant misery because that definitely isn’t true! There’s a tendency to see the Roma only through their problems when there are plenty of happy and successful Roma people and there has been improvement in the Roma people’s situation even though it’s slow. I also think one of the Roma people’s strengths has always been that they can find joy and humor even in hard circumstances.

If you got to this point I salute you thank you for reading!

[sleepyfan-blog]

Malachai In the Snow

Author’s Note: This is the fourth part of a mini-arc in which Cedric will be (trying) to patch up injured Primaris Black Templars as they appear on Ancient and Holy Terra! For other adventures click here. First. Previous. Next. Thank you to @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan for allowing me to borrow Hura and Zariel! And thank you to @c-u-c-koo-4-40k for allowing me to borrow Pyrus!

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams @bleedingichorhearts @i-am-a-dragon34

Warnings: blood, injuries, character death, ask me to tag something if I’ve missed it/it bothers you

Summary: Jophiel comes to Cedric, with a prophecy of a dying brother on his lips. 

“Cedric… Cedric I need you to wake up!” Jophiel called out as he shook his Brother-Cousin awake.

The young Black Templar grumbled a little wordlessly as he yawned and stared blearily at Jophiel “What is it? It’s really late…” He checked the clock, which read just past one in the morning. The Blood Angel was sniffling a little and shaking. Cedric frowned and pulled him in, hugging him tightly “Did you have a nightmare?”

“I… Sort of. Not really, because it’s a vision! One of the clearest I’ve had in a while.” Jophiel answered, shaking his head a little before burying his face in one of Cedric’s shoulders. He allowed himself a moment to compose himself, feeling safe in the Apothecary’s embrace.

“... Do you want to talk to me about it? Or should I get one of the older librarians, to help you try and figure out what the vision meant? From what you’ve told me, not all of the visions you have are straight forward, nor easily understood.” Cedric asked, reaching up and starting to run a hand through Jophi’s long blonde hair.

“That wasn’t the case for this one. I’m… I’m pretty sure I know what this one means.” Jophiel murmured, leaning more into Cedric. “Another Primaris Black Templar is going to be coming to Holy Terra soon. Snow was falling on his body, and his blood was staining the white. He was all alone as he died, beside a lake that had a view of a mountain, and there were trees everywhere.”

There were thousands of lakes across Holy Terra at this point in time, many of them having forests and mountains nearby, with snowfall being possible. “I… I see. Do you have any idea where on Ancient Terra he might show up? Or when specifically?” 

“Remember that lake we found last week, while we were hiking through the woods? I… I’m pretty sure it’s that one, and I did check before waking you up. It gets cold enough in the winters here to snow on the valley floor.” Jophiel answered, voice shaking a little “But I know that I should probably report this vision to the older Librarians. They’ll be able to help me figure out better when and where this incoming brother is likely to land… And they have the pull to ensure that he’ll be found before he dies.”

Cedric’s first reaction is to try and convince Jophiel to stay quiet. That between the six of them they should be able to find whoever was near the edge of life and death before he died… But Terra was a large planet, and if their silence on this matter killed this Brother… His death would be on Cedric’s hands. “... If there are older librarians who you feel that you can trust with this vision… I trust you to spread this warning to those who need to know.”

Jophiel nods, frowning a little “I… There are a couple. And since, in my vision, he’s not got his full armor, it’s not like I need to tell them that this nearly-dead Brother is a Primaris Marine, necessarily. I.. I should be able to keep that part to myself. I think.”

Cedric nodded, leaning into Jophiel a little more “Alright. Do you feel the vision is urgent enough to wake them now?”

“Unless a freak snowstorm rolls in tomorrow, I don’t think so. It’s still early autumn, after all…” Jophiel murmured, yawning a little “It’s too far to get to my room… M’sleeeepy Ced!”

Cedric smiled a little, chuckling a little “Do you want to finish sleeping with me, then?” He knew how much visions took it out of Jophiel, especially on Ancient Terra, where the Warp was much more difficult to reach and use.

“Yes please…” Jophiel yawned, closing his eyes and promptly falling asleep. 

Cedric smiled again, making sure that both of them could sleep relatively comfortably before falling himself to sleep as well.

~

Weeks later found Cedric as part of a patrol of Imperial Fists and Salamanders, as the group made their way to the lake mentioned in Jophiel’s vision. The weather forecast was predicting heavy snowfall, and it was apparently very cold to those who were warm-adapted. Cedric found the cooler temperatures invigorating and refreshing. There was a light breeze that rustled the ever-green pine and fir trees that they were walking between, and the late afternoon sun was being swallowed by dark clouds that promised heavy precipitation.

Pyrus was walking alongside next to Cedric, as his warband was visiting the base and nudged him a little “So, any ideas as to which time period this injured Brother might be coming from? Or chapter and/or legion?”

Cedric could answer those questions, from what Jophiel had told him. But should he? Jophiel had been as vague on the specifics of the marine in question apart from the dire state of his injuries and how under-equipped he was for the cold and snowy weather. “Jophie said that the armor he had left was a dark color, nearly black, where it wasn’t bloody or covered in snow.”

Pyrus hummed, nodding thoughtfully “Ah… That doesn’t narrow it down. Lots of chapters have darkly colored armor. Hopefully he reacts well to us, if he’s awake enough to realize we’re there. If he’s a Black Legionnaire we’re gonna have to use the tranq gun on him so he won’t try to murder us while mostly dead. Stubborn bastards.”

Snow began to fall from the sky, the whispery quality of the snowflakes falling on the ground and the tree branches were distracting. Watching the ground quickly become covered in snow where the trees did not provide shelter, or where the wind blew the frozen water. Cedric silently wished he could enjoy watching the snowfall, but he had a Brother to try and save. He hummed noncommittally. Part of him really did want to tell Pyrus what he knew of the injured Primaris marine who they were hopefully going to find in time, but doing so would reveal that Jophiel had deliberately withheld information and Cedric wasn’t about to throw him under the bus. Especially when he was the one to ask Jophiel to withhold that information. “Hopefully they will react well, or at least neutrally to our presence.”

“... Are you alright, Cedric? You seem a bit… Distracted?” Pyrus asked, squinting at him, concerned. 

The young apothecary successfully suppressed his desire to fidget with his hands - which was a dead-giveaway for the uncertainty and worry running through his body and making his hearts race “I’m concerned for whoever we may find today. We marines are pretty tough, it takes a lot to-”

The direction of the winds shifted as Cedric was speaking, cutting him off as it brought with it the sharp, metallic scent of fresh blood. 

All six of the marines on patrol stopped in their tracks, including Cedric himself, turning towards the source of the smell.

Cedric was the first to start moving, running as fast as the dense underbrush and trees would allow him, dodging around  large patches of underbrush and jumping over and across the occasional fallen log or half-rotted tree stump.

It took both an eternity and no time at all for Cedric to find the badly injured Primaris marine. The other was leaning against the base of a tree, gold-flecked blue eyes focused on the partially frozen lake. He looked in Cedric’s direction as the apothecary reached over.

He smiled a little and rasped out “Good… Evening? Cedric. Is this the peaceful embrace of the Emperor? It’s… Beautiful.” Malachai asked, before turning partially and coughing, splattering the snow with his blood, vivid and dark against the white substance, even as the heat of his blood began to melt it. “Wish I hurt less, though.”

“Malachai, you aren’t dead,  not yet. Where we are is a… Complicated situation. But stay still, I have a first aid kit, which will help me stabilize you. Then, with help, I can get you to a place where you can be properly treated.” Cedric answered, dropping down onto his knees next to his badly beaten brother, opening the kit and starting to clean and bandage his wounds.

Malachai chuckled and then coughed violently, his whole body spasming a little before he reached up with broken fingers to try and push Cedric away with what little remained of his strength “You shouldn’t. The fucker beat me with the intention of making me one of his grisly reminders for the rest of us.”

“He has no power here. Not really.” Cedric half-lied. While it was true that Petras wasn’t in control of Ancient Terra, he held a distressing amount of sway amongst certain Crusades of Black Templars, and he really didn’t want to find out what his reaction would be, should he discover that several of the marines he’d killed were on Ancient Terra, alive and aware of the depths of the chaplain’s cruelty.

“... Don’t. Don’t lie to me, Cedric.” Malachai gently scolded him, reaching up and squeezing one of Cedric’s shoulders, leaving bloody fingerprints on his jacket. “More astartes are coming. I don’t want you to be punished for trying to help me.”

“Those are a patrolf of Salamanders and Imperial Fists. They won’t punish me for trying to help you. The entire reason why I’m in this forest is to find and try and save you, Malachai. Stop resisting and let me help you!” Cedric hissed, hating the way that his eyes stung badly enough to blur his vision as tears streamed down his face. He continued to do his best to patch up the stubborn bastard wheezing at him “Things are different here. I haven’t been ordered to watch you die this time. So I’m not going to, if I can at all help it.” 

Pyrus came barrelling into the clearing, followed closely by the rest of the mixed squad of Imperial Fists and Salamanders, their armor patterns showing that they were from multiple different time periods of the Imperium. The Salamander knelt down on the other side of Malachai and asked “What should I do to help?”

“Keep him still for me, please? He’s resisting treatment because of when he was brought to Holy Terra from.” Cedric instructed Pyrus.

“We… We’re on Terra? How is that… How is that possible?” Malachai wheezed, a stunned expression on his face.

“Short answer? Warp shenanigans. If you want the long answer, such as we’ve figured out, you’ve got to live to learn it.” Pyrus answered with an attempt at a reassuring smile on his face. “Are you a Black Templar, like Cedric?”

“Yes, I am.” Malachai rasped out. He nodded a little, before a whimper of pain left him. “I can’t. Feel my legs. The worst injury I got was on my back.” He paused for several seconds, closing his eyes and taking in several steadying breaths before continuing  “Just above where the armor I was allowed to keep… I heard the snap of bone and a lot of pain before… Before everything went dark and I woke up here. I’ve tried moving my legs and… Couldn’t manage it.”

“... Fuck that’s right. I remember now. He’d snapped your spinal cord in three places. I’m… I’m surprised that you’re breathing as well as you are, given the locations of the breaks.” Cedric murmured before he could stop himself “We’re going to need to immobilize his neck and spine as much as we can, to avoid further damage. Would two of you please set up the stretcher, while everyone else helps me move Malachai? Once the stretcher is ready will need to be careful to move him at the same time, so I will provide a count down from three to one. When I say now after, we move him at the same time. Any questions?”

“Me, I have one. Why are you bothering? The bastard has decided that my mouthy bastard ways mean that I have to die. Why refuse him? I hurt sooo much where I’m not numb.” Malachai huffed, squinting up at Cedric.

“Mal, I mean this with all the love and care in my hearts, shut up. You’re being rescued and treated whether you like it or not. The one who did this to you has no power in the base we’re bringing to you, and it’s my job to keep you alive and as intact as I can.” Cedric growled at the other, eyes flashing in irritation and worry.

Malachai laughed until he started coughing, his body spasming with each cough. “Yeah, yeah. I know. M’ sorry, though. I don’t think I can… Hold on much longer. S’ cold and breathing hurts.”

“Why does it look like someone kicked his ribs with armored boots until they broke?” Pyrus asked, a frown on his face. “Among other things?”

“Because he was kicked by someone’s ceramite-clad boots until his bones broke. Now is really not the time for these sorts of questions Pyrus. Help me put this splint around his chest so that when we move him it doesn’t fuck up his back or lungs with the wandering bone shards more than they already have.” Cedric answered, having done his best to shut down his emotions and clinically look at the situation. “Ignis, Ralos, Sven, Pyrus I need you to lift his torso up several inches so I can get this splint under him on the count of three. Is everyone in position?”

“Ready.” Called out Ralos, the Imperial Fist sounded calm through his vox communicator.

“Ready.” Calls out Sven and Ignis, though both seemed concerned.

“Alright, alright. I’m in position, and ready for the count off.” Pyrus grumbled, moving so that he was in a useful spot.

“Three, two, one, up!” Cedric called out. The four marines were able to easily lift the injured Primaris at the same time and the apothecary applied the splint as quickly as he could. 

Olik and Char were ready with the stretcher, so Cedric directed the four marines who were holding onto Malachai to pivot slightly as the stretcher was maneuvered so it was directly underneath the badly injured Primaris Marine and he was lowered back onto the stretcher. 

Cedric aided in carrying Malachai to the nearby field surgery tent that had been set up, as the Librarians had divined that Malachi would die, if he were to be taken all the way back to the nearest hospital, even in one of the emergency flying vehicles. Cedric very much wanted to be part of the team who worked on trying to put Malachai back together but his hands were shaking too much from the adrenaline and guilt running through him.

~

It had not taken long for them to get to the field surgery tent. Cedric helped heave Malachai onto the surgical table. 

The other Primaris marine shifted uncomfortably as several Imperial Fist Apothecaries approached him. “Cedric… What’s going on?”

“These Apothecaries are going to put you back together. I’m-” Cedric started before being cut off by Apothecary Melinth.

“You are going to be waiting outside of the tent, Cedric. You are too close to this patient to be working on them during such a delicate and risky procedures. Besides, I can see the way that your hands are shaking. Do you wish to risk his life?” The Imperial Fist asked bluntly.

Cedric swallowed hard and flinched back, eyes downward cast “No sir, I don’t.”

“Good lad. Leave the immediate area, while we sterilize the field and get to work. You’ve done well. We’ll do what we can for him.” Melinth ordered.

Malachai made a pained sound, one hand reaching out for Cedric “Wait… Please sir…”

Cedric hesitated before grabbing Malachai’s hand, gently squeezing it with both of his “Do what they tell you, alright? I’ll be right outside, waiting for you, once you’re out of surgery.”

“... You better be.” Malachai grumbled, managing to send a half-smile up at his brother.

“I will.” Cedric promised before letting go of Malachai’s hand, gently setting it back on the table and leaving the tent, his whole body shaking at the intensity of emotions running through him. He sat down heavily on a fallen log less than twenty-feet from the entrance of the surgical tent, listening to the shallow breathing and uneven stutter of Malachai’s hearts beating.

“Hey… Cedric… I couldn’t help but notice that you knew exactly how your fellow Black Templar had gotten injured. While I was running over, I caught something about a punishment… Do you… Do you want to talk to me about it?” Pyrus asked as he sat down next to Cedric, having appeared out of nowhere.

Cedric lost concentration on listening to Malachai’s. “... I’d really rather not.” The temptation to curl into a ball of self-loathing and recrimination was strong, but he was already being eyeballed by several firstborn marines as it was.

Pyrus, instead of taking the unsubtle hint to leave the topic alone, scooted closer to Cedric. The Salamander was pressed against Cedric’s side. “Was he on a penitent crusade, which is why he didn’t have his full armor?”

“... No, he hadn’t been sent on a penitent crusade. That would imply a measure of honor that he wasn’t afforded by the one who… Who did that to him. I really don’t want to talk about this right now. The last time I saw Malachai like that, he died in M42. I… I’m hoping that with more skilled apothecaries, his fate will be changed.” Cedric murmured, his shoulders hunching a little as he buried his face in his hands.

“... Aren’t Black Templars who taken on an Apprentice, like, super protective of them? And swear righteous vengeance against who or whatever killed their apprentice?” Pyrus asked, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders.

“That is how it’s supposed to work. It doesn’t always.” Cedric admitted quietly. It felt almost as if he was betraying his chapter by admitting that much… But his hearts hurt and part of him was very tired of keeping the secrets that he was. Maybe… Maybe he should ask Arnault and Roland to have a quiet but serious conversation about certain matters. Maybe it would help?

Pyrus started to speak, but several crucial, subtle sounds that Cedric’d been straining to hear, even over the sounds of his conversation with the Salamander scout had stopped. The world narrowed unpleasantly and something was shaking him.

Wait.

Someone.

“Cedric. Cedric! Easy. I promise I won’t ask any more questions. You back with me, buddy?” Pyrus asked, a frown of concern on his face, his bright orange-red eyes seemingly peering directly into Cedric’s soul.

“I can’t. I can’t hear Malachai breathing. Or his hearts. They’ve. They’ve stopped. I can’t hear them anymore. I… I need to… I need to help them get him back.” Cedric heard himself say, as the many intense emotions screaming through his hearts nearly overwhelmed his mind. He was trying to stand, but something was keeping him sitting down.

Pyrus was still holding onto him. “Cedric, you need to calm down. I get that that’s probably one of the three things you want to hear least right now, but running into that surgical tent covered in forest germs and dirt isn’t going to do your Brother any good whatsoever, and you bursting in on them suddenly might startle one of the other apothecaries into making an unfortunate mistake.”

Cedric could feel the growl in his chest, and the desire to fight and claw his way over to his Brother as his body coiled and tensed… But his good sense kicked in, and the young Black Templar sighed unhappily and went limp in the other’s firm grip. “You’re right. Much as I hate to admit it. You’re right. I-”

Any other words or thoughts he’d been trying to say or think died abruptly as Apothecary Melinth walked out of the tent and headed towards him, a grim expression on his face. 

“Apothecary Taniel, I am here to inform you that your chapter brother, Malachai has died. His injuries were too extensive for us to treat. Do you feel up to assisting us in harvesting the organs that can be utilized as well as his gene-seed, if it is still viable? You are allowed to refuse, if you feel you are not up to the task. Losing a Brother you’re close to is difficult.” Melinth informed him, no emotion showing on his face or in his voice. The other’s icy blue eyes staring down at him dispassionately.

Several ugly and likely untrue accusations lingered on the tip of Cedric’s tongue as he stared up at the firstborn Marine. Cedric had no proof that Melinth and the others didn’t try their utmost in order to try and save his life. The fact that he had died meant that they had access to more Primaris organs and geneseed to study and use as they saw fit. How… Convenient for them, to be able to have a second dead primaris marine to study to their hearts’ content. But he wasn’t going to say any of that, as it was an awful thing to accuse someone of baselessly. “MY hands are still shaky. However, once you’ve removed everything you think is of use and value out of him, please stitch up my dead brother and allow me to take the remains to Ramiel, so he can get his final rites.” He really hoped that his voice was as bereft of emotion as he had been aiming for, rather than the seething fury and implication he could hear within his own voice.

Melinth stared down at him for several seconds before answering with a flat and emotionless “That will be done, Apothecary Taniel.” And then the other left, turning on his heel.

Cedric was briefly tempted to lash out at the older Apothecary. To hurt him in a fraction of the ways that he and his Brothers had been hurt by at best uncaring and apathetic firstborn brothers. But the urge for violence passed when Melinth was out of his sightline.

“Hey… Cedric…Why don’t we go for a walk? It’s still snowing, and the forest is really beautiful right now. And some movement might help with sorting your emotions, yeah?” Pyrus gently prodded.

He shook his head “I want to be here when they are done usi-... Done with Malachai’s body, so I need to be here.”

“... Alright. Do you mind if I wait with you?” Pyrus asked, still holding onto Cedric. 

Cedric was grateful for the half-restraint, half-hug. It was helping ground him “If you wish to stay with me, I have no complaints. I do like you, Pyrus… And the snow is lovely.” He watched the snowfall with Pyrus as he waited the seeming eternity it took for them to be done harvesting from his dead brother.

They were even kind enough to have sent a message to Ramiel, ten minutes before they were done, so that the young Chaplain in training could prepare everything and gather the others before Cedric arrived on base with the body.

[kayleezra]

Capitalist Holiday//Ezra x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1564

A/N: Reader is described to have hair!

Summary: Modern AU, Ezra treat you to some new skin care treatments for valentines day

BEFORE

It is safe to say you never paid too much attention to Valentine's Day, not because you were anti-love but because it felt like a forced capitalistic tradition. However, that was before Ezra. Ezra loves the holiday, although he also believes it to be a trap made by the capitalist elite to make more money between new years and easter, he just loves an excuse to show his love to you. Not that he needs an excuse, the man showers you with affection whenever he wants. So at the beginning of February, you're caught off guard by Ezra’s question: “What shall we do this Valentine's day, petal?”

“Oh, when is it?” you ask, unsure what day it falls on.

Ezra has a slight look of distaste in response to your question like he’s avoiding answering.

“It’s a weekday isn’t it?” “It does, unfortunately, fall on a weekday with year, my love.”

Ezra knew that at the end of a weekday, you’re drained, emotionally and mentally tired and had to muster up a lot of energy to follow through with plans. He didn’t hold that against you, he thought the best ways he could show his love were in more intimate settings rather than public ones anyway.

“We don’t have to do anything too cumbersome, just something for one another. Perhaps we just order in, rent and film and be in each other’s arms on the sofa?”

“That sounds… perfect. Dress code: comfy clothes?” “If any,” he winks. 

You lightly slap his shoulder, “pervert,” you mumble.

“You wanna see perverted, my love? I’ll show you perverted!”

Within a blink, you're taken over his shoulder and being marched to your bedroom. 

PRESENT

Today was a lot. Not necessarily that something huge happened but it was just a day that kept testing you. Small hiccups kept surprising you since you woke up and it had sucked the life from you. You wanted nothing more than to shower the day off and sink into bed. However, it was Valentine's day and you were excited to be spending it with the love of your life, especially because of how excited he gets. So spending the evening with him and some comforting food whilst exchanging gifts seemed like a pretty good end to the day. 

When you finally get into the house you see it is dimly lit with candles spread everywhere. The sweet notes of your favourite candle tickle your nose and a natural flower bouquet of lilac and baby’s-breath sits displayed on the counter.  You bring your hand to your mouth as tears threaten to spill over.

“Oh my lord,” you whisper to yourself.

“The lord actually didn’t do this, didn’t even help. This was all my handiwork I’m afraid,” Ezra teases while entering from the bedroom and making his way toward you. He's wearing a set of loungewear you don’t remember. When he reaches you he grabs your face gently in his hands and brings his lips down to yours in a short and soft kiss. 

“Hopefully the day was kind to you?” “The day no longer matters because I’m back in your arms, where I’m supposed to be.”

Your words bring a smile to Ezra’s face, “Go on and shower, I’ve got some clothes laid out for you. Then, you get your gift.”

You smile at him before kissing him again and doing as he says. The clothes he laid out for you ended up being the matching set to his pair, something he must have bought recently.

“Ez, these are so nice! And they’re so soft!” you shout to him. “Don’t get too excited, that’s not your gift,” he yells back. 

You know it’s pointless to argue with him so you just smile and shake your head before getting into the hot running water that washes away the negativity from the day. The water feels so healing that you don’t want to get out but Ezra is much more compelling so you lather yourself quickly. The loungewear feels so much better on than it did in your hands, and with the warmth of the water still left on your skin, it feels like a hug. 

When you enter the living room having forgotten about your day, you see Ezra on the couch, leaning against the armrest with many bowls scattering the coffee table. 

“What’s going on out here?” “Your gift, now come lay down, ” he says softly while patting his crossed lap. 

You do as he says, laying your head on his lap. You look up at him slightly confused but too trusting and comfortable to really care.

“Now, close your eyes because I have a few facial treatments for you.”

“Facial treatments?” “Yes, I know it’s something that relaxes you and so I did some research finding some natural recipes and I gathered the ingredients and made them and then, of course, watched a few videos to ensure I was using them all to ensure the maximization of your relaxation.”

“Oh, Ezra,” you whine while pulling him down in a kiss. 

“Anything for, my flower.”

You then close your eyes and allow him to do what he’s planned. 

“Alright, so I’ve got a lemon exfoliant and cleanser, then a raw honey face mask and…a licorice tea moisturizer.” Ezra begins by wetting your face with a warm cloth. “Wow,  you really did do your homework,” you tease. He then begins softly massaging the exfoliant into your skin. “Well, I took a peek at your current products and asked a few places what would be best given your current needs and then the internet gave me a world of information, like how the lemon exfoliant will cleanse your face due to the antibacterial qualities and the sugar will remove any dead skin cells without being as harsh or as drying as salt.”

“Mmmfeels s’nice,” you mumble.

Ezra takes his time massaging your face, getting all sides and angles. He then washes it off with a warm cloth in what sounds like a bowl of water. 

“Now, we’ll apply the face mask, so you can open and let me see your soul-entrancing eyes,” You do, you look up at him and see a man that has nothing but utter love and devotion in his eyes. 

He smiles, “there you are, my flower.”

Ezra picks up another bowl and begins layering it on your skin, “Now this is, and I quote, ‘to give your skin a dewy glow’, although I must admit you’re always glowing so I’m not sure if this will do you any good.”

You let out a giggle in disbelief. 

When it's evenly applied, he tells you that it will stay on for 20 minutes. So you close your eyes and Ezra begins playing with your hair. “I can’t believe you did all this for me,” you say.

“It truly wasn’t much, I actually scaled back from my original plans as we didn’t have as much time as I would have liked, but it means that we have a beautiful day together planned in the near future.”

“You’re unbelievable. And by unbelievable I mean perfect and I love more than words can describe.”

He chuckles, “Trust me, petal, the feeling is more than mutual.” Ezra then gets you to close your eyes again and remove the face mask, “now for moisturizer. This is supposed to soothe your skin with its anti-inflammatory qualities.”

Ezra massages the cool moisturizer to your face and spends the next ten minutes just massaging your face and head. It’s when you begin dozing off that you speak up, “If you keep this up I’ll end up asleep in your lap.”

“And why is that such a bad thing?” “Because I still have your gift and we have dinner to eat yet.”

Ezra dramatically sighs, “alright, but only because it is at your request.”

If you thought the shower made you forget your day, then as of now the world no longer existed outside you and Ezra. A fresh smile paints your face, “Let me get your gift!”

“You didn’t-” Ezra’s voice drowns out as you run to where you had the gift bag hidden. You go running back to him with the bag in your hand and your heart thumping with excitement. 

“Now you should know it was not half as nice as what you’ve gifted me but-”

“Petal, there’s no-” Ezra cuts you off.

“Shh shh shh, just open it!”

And he does, he pulls out a rather tattered 1907 edition of Paradise Lost by John Milton. It’s bound with red leather that's been worn over the years. “Did I do okay?” you ask shyly.

“Did you do okay?! Petal, this, this is a vintage poem constructed of over ten thousand lines of verse… This is amazing! How did you even this find a copy?”

“That remains a secret but it took some time.”

Ezra pulls you into his arms on his lap, holding you like you might disappear. 

When he looks you in the eyes again he speaks, “Have I ever told you I love you more than there are stars in the cosmos?” “You have. And you show me. Every. Damn. Day,” you finish by kissing him. 

There's still a majority of the evening ahead of you but for a holiday made to exploit consumers, you feel as though the both of you did pretty damn good.

Taglist: @spideysimpossiblegirl @littlemisspascal @writer-darling @avengetheunnatural @louderfortheback @Currentobsessionrabbithole

[lipglossanon]

i’m over myself and being worried it doesn’t make sense lmao so plagas jack and leon,,,, you’re naked suspended in a dark room by tendrils dripping black goo when a tall man with a scar across his face comes in, black veins pulsing as black tentacles follow him another man appears behind him, shorter but just as muscular they study you as you feel how exposed you are black tentacles slither up your leg breaching your entrances as you try to squeeze your legs together to alleviate the pressure while they circle you, the shorter one comes up next to you and deeply sniffs you making you tense as the taller one grabs your jaw to make you look at him as he slips his longer than average tongue into your mouth- black goo running down your chin as you feel fingers enter you making you squirm while krauser pulls away a tentacle takes its place as you’re pulled to the floor face down, ass in the air fully exposed and mouth occupied sucking off the tentacles that take turns pumping this goo down your throat making feel euphoric as you feel the head of one of their cocks slide across your cunt making you buck your hips to help them slide it in, you writhe as another one slides in next to the other stretch you to your limit as a tentacle enters you too poking your cervix making you feel confused why it doesn’t hurt as something enters your womb the counter thrusting making you crave more as the men take turns breeding you eventually getting their full they turn their attention to feeding off you biting and sucking different parts of your body making you want them everywhere all the time as they escalate over the days they keep you captive breeding you, filling you with eggs, making you eat whatever larva you cough up after a session one day you woke up covered in blood instantly screaming- your open mouth raped by a tentacle as you feel numb to the sensation on your leg, tearing and searing pain followed by sucking eventually shock takes over you as the tentacle leaves you see the remnants of you legs where something ate them away leaving your calves intact but most of your thigh was gone as the shorter one- leon comes in with krauser behind him and they fuck your mouth in between raping you occasionally letting the tentacles do as they please keeping you filled as they feast on your organs almost disassociating, watching from outside your body as these men eat your flesh when they get their fill they dislocate your hips spreading your legs past where they should go both shoving themselves in your cunt tearing and bruising every part of you, you barely feel the pain of barbs sinking into you walls and they finish in your blood soaked cunt leaving you on the stone floor to be used again until you change or die

- 💀

(i had so much written originally 👀 i didn’t go past the word limit but if i added the monster pregnancy or lactating it would’ve been past the word count,,,, i did try 🤭)

💀 anon back again and with a note 🤭 and I’m totally fine if you have to send part 1 and then part 2 as asks 😉

And it made sense so no worries 😜 besides unhinged thoughts don’t necessarily need to be made sense of lmao

And I’ll say holy moly guacamole 😵‍💫 this makes me wonder what would happen if reader did turn 👀 👀 would it still be considered monsterfucking 😜

But just having Leon and Krauser literally only use you for their own needs is 🥴 🥴

[captainwaffles]

I’ve seen this everywhere on the internet

It’s the loving to hate stuff

(This is not a call out post, it’s just in general and what I’ve noticed. This post will be very negative so if you don’t want to read please scroll past)

When did it become so popular to hate stuff? Did I miss the memo? Every I look I see people hating on all sorts of medias

Particularly MCU and Riordan Verse

No let me be clear, there’s calling out and hating stuff like, the underlying sexism in RRVerese, or the things that are racist. Or in the MCU being made about how Natasha only got one movie, so on and so forth

That’s stuff that’s really wrong. And complaining about this is okay

To an extent. This stuff should bother everyone. But why is it the only thing some people go on about?

Don’t even get me started on people ‘critiquing’ media (evaluate (a theory or practice) in a detailed and analytical way.) Cause there’s critiquing, personal opinions, and then there’s hating

Critiquing is discussing something, like a plot line, and saying how maybe this would have enhanced the story and stuff, typically evidence would be appreciated. It’s not necessarily mean, more of an observation

There’s personal opinions. Everyone has one, but of yours are only negative upon a media/charecter/so on and so forth, why do you continue to partake in the media? I respectfully don’t understand. There’s been many times where I disliked something, maybe I’ll say I don’t understand this it’s not to my taste, and I leave it at that.

Then there’s just hating. This is really common on tik tok but it’s spreading here too. It’s the Person A hates this, so I’m going to hate it to without forming my own opinion. Soon this is just a mass of people repeating the same thing

This is not me saying stop doing these things (but the last one please make your own opinions) but why can’t we put the joy back into fandoms?

The stupid little headcanons that are used to fix flaws in the story, or just because you like it.

Little AU fics

Polite discussions

Harmless incorrect quotes

And other stuff. I haven’t seen a lot of just enjoyment of media in a while, and it’s kinda sad

When did the escape decided it needs to be more like reality?

[alyjojo]

Past Life ☯️ Karmic Spread February 2023 - Taurus

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Female

Who You Were: 8 Wands, 3 Wands, The High Priestess, The Hierophant, Strength

What You Did: 9 Cups, The Lovers, 6 Wands rev, Queen of Swords rev, Page of Swords

How It Ended: Ace of Swords, 9 Swords, 7 Swords, 3 Swords

What Karma Was Brought With You: 5 Swords, Queen of Pentacles rev, 2 Wands, 4 Pentacles

Who You Brought With You: The Hermit rev, King of Wands, 4 Swords, Temperance

Additional energy: Queen of Wands rev, 4 Cups rev, Knight of Swords rev, 9 Wands

Past Life Oracle: Baby, Medicine Man/Woman, Male-Female, Finances

Dreaming Way: Bouquet & Lilies

Charm:

Palm Tree 🌴 on Lilies

This life was not very long ago at all. In your marriage, you were the more of the typical “breadwinner” personality and your husband was more the nurturing kind, at a time when that was not the norm. And you were a counselor, a female one, the reading specifies cases of “pre-marital” or marriage counseling. You gave couples a safe space to vent their concerns, together or separate, and you either helped them find the path to togetherness again or helped show them that things may be beyond repair, you saw it as a 50/50 outcome but you were helpful regardless, you freed people of the burdens they carried quietly with no judgement. I do see a husband, and one child, but you were very work focused, almost more married to your job than your home, and that’s a personal conflict you’ve brought with you into this life, a stereotypical masculine vs feminine conflict and what’s “expected” of you. Bouquet & Lilies shows your past life at its core, you encouraged people to create a paradise within their connection, as something beautiful to be shared as two separate individuals merging as one.

Your own marriage was very happy, they aren’t really mentioned other than the switched dynamic. Work was life to you. The end of your life is very unclear. It doesn’t say what was done to you or how, it shows you having said to other people you were afraid you were being stalked, followed, watched, something like that, maybe in some specific instance or place. Those people you told were later devastated when something ended up happening to you, and you’d been right the whole time. This was a time before cameras were everywhere, cell phones weren’t a thing yet. I do get that person was eventually caught, in your case, Justice is your vindication by the law.

In this life, you’re still conflicted over “feminine jobs”. Could have a more “masculine” moon, rising, and/or 4th/10th house. Or a conflict between those houses specifically, placements in both opposing each other. Cooking, cleaning, mothering, sewing, old fashioned “woman” stuff. You carry very negative attitudes towards these things, which aren’t wrong necessarily for others, but they are not for you. You’re still a more work focused person. You’re also not a fan of sharing finances or joint things, if you have a person, you probably have separate accounts and strict standards over what is who’s job. To a level of kinda controlling even tbh, 4 Pentacles can turn into a greedy “what’s in it for me” type of mentality, especially with Queen of Pentacles rev. A negative imprinted attitude towards materialism and finances. What’s yours is yours, there is no sharing. Who you have brought is a King of Wands that comes in and out of your life, you break up and you reconcile, then you probably separate again and they’re back again. This is the *only* person that has a soul tie to you here, and it’s not a good one. Not that they’re bad, but they’re here more for instigative purposes. They may only come around when they’re in trouble or need money, which is a test for you because you don’t like to give. The whole next row shows you being the Queen of Wands rev (and there’s definitely an Aries vibe in you). This last row is saying no, this person is not your soulmate, that’s why this Queen is rev, and no, they’re not good for you. Don’t even pick up the phone the next time they try, which seems inevitable, or even current. Pain is attached to this person and Spirit is like nope this one is 100% a lesson only 🙏 They may have been the stalker 🥸

[chxrryrose]

extra long mental health rant so trigger warning

i get so fucking resentful and cynical on mental health awareness week i fucking hate it. the same ‘safe’ conversations happen every year, the same minimal phrases thrown round by people who don’t give a shit about mental health/illness but just want to be all ‘wow look at me im a nice human.’ don’t get me wrong i think the week and the conversations that are being had around mental health, though very basic and generalised imo, are still important and hopefully if we keep having them they will become just a normal part of society.

but it literally covers the tiniest portion of mental health, what about the other huge chunk of it that remains untouched? different mental illnesses, suicidal ideation and suicide itself, personality disorders that are demonised in media, barriers to accessing help, social and economic issues that result in poor mental healh, all the symptoms of mental illness that aren’t ‘pretty’ or ‘socially acceptable’ like lack of hygiene, i could go on and on. literally a huge portion of mental health goes untouched because people are afraid of it. it’s deemed ‘too much.’ it’s ‘too ugly.’ ‘too complex.’ you’re deemed a danger to society if you have a personality disorder or experience psychosis because the only knowledge they have of it is in the movies where you are criminals and villains. you’re deemed lazy and disgusting if you don’t brush your teeth or have a shower in a week because they don’t want to understand how hard the basic things in life are when living with mental illness. you’re deemed selfish, attention seeking or a liar if you express suicidal thoughts because how could you not think about everyone else around you and you smiled yesterday so you couldn’t possibly want to die.

these beliefs are so widely spread and held so deeply in society that they are everywhere and trust me when you’re experiencing it you notice it. in your own house, school, workplace, doctors. everywhere you’re supposed to go for help and everyone you’re meant to rely on and talk to. it’s not necessarily all their fault, they can’t help the society they were raised in and what they were taught from a young age. but they don’t want to change. because staying in their ignorance is comfortable and these conversations - the changes that need to be made in society - are not. so we stay having the same conversation year in year out never moving forward. and it’s enraging. if you think just talking about these things is uncomfortable, try living with it.

i can’t help but be angry and resentful this week. because almost 5 years ago i did exactly what i was told to do when i started having panic attacks. i reached out. i told my parents and i went to the doctors. numerous times because i knew it wasn’t normal and i needed help figuring out how to cope. that doctor put me off talking to doctors about it for years. i got told i was just a teenager and this was what happened, that it wasn’t a big deal and i was the problem by not being able to cope. the help we could try and access outside of the doctors was either full of false promises (cheers sixth form) or just not enough (waitlist for six months just for six therapy sessions and idk if you know but private therapy is spenny.) my parents bless them have got better with their understanding but there’s still things they just don’t understand and besides they can only do so much. so i was left to rot. for almost five years. convinced that it’s just my fault that i can’t deal with it. years of my life have been lost due to mental illness. it’s spiralled from just being a few panic attacks to mental illness consuming my every waking moment. not a single area of my life has not been destroyed by this. my life has spun so far out of my control i don’t even know where to begin to get it back. i don’t even know if it’s possible. im trying.

so yeah the same old ‘be kind speak to someone if you’re struggling xoxo’ conversation makes me a little angry.

[jerseymichaels]

I don’t really know where to start this or what I’m even going to say, because quite frankly I still haven’t processed everything and my emotions are so all over the place it’s going to be hard to write a coherent thought. But I dunno- I just feel like venting and ranting.

I started watching AH in 2011. 11 years ago. It’s weird to say that- it never felt like it was that long. They’ve been a constant in my life, they were there for pretty much every rough patch I had in those 11 years. It’s hard to look at how much they helped me keep going now, but they really truly did.

In 2013 I lost my grandmother. AH was there. In 2014 I was mentally and verbally abused and AH was there. In 2015 I started college and AH got me through every single stressful, insane year of it. They were even a lot of my inspiration in the art projects I turned in for classes. In the summer of 2019 I fell into crippling, all-consuming depression and if it weren’t for AH (and the people I met through the community) I honestly might not be here today.

In 2020, it all crashed down around me when all of the horrid things Ryan had done came out. He was a lot of the reason I was involved in the community- I started watching his streams, and then made a Twitter, then a Tumblr. I almost walked away then. I told myself it might be best to keep my distance. In the end I found myself going back to all of my favorite comfort videos of theirs (sans-Ryan of course) and knew I really wasn’t going anywhere. They had just helped me through too much. I couldn’t walk away.

And now we’re here, in 2022. Everything that was said by them, about fostering a healthy workplace and environment… about treating everyone as equals… saying they were going to make changes… empty promises. It was all so hollow. Every single time I check Twitter, or Tumblr, or Reddit, there’s always a new horror story from a former employee.

I’m so disappointed that I ever supported them. I can admit my relationship with them was unhealthy at points, and I knew it and didn’t do anything to distance myself more until 2021- and even then I still had a first subscription and watched some videos every week. Earlier this year I went to RTX, something I’d dreamed of since I learned it existed, and genuinely had one of the greatest weekends of my life. All of those memories feel so tainted now. Looking at the badge makes me feel kind of gross now, to be honest, though I know I bought it before I knew the truth.

I’m grappling really hard with letting go of RT. I absolutely will because the last thing I’d ever want to do is give this company any more of my support after all they’ve done… but it’s so god damn hard. They’ve meant so much for me for so long. I’ve made some of my best friends through the community, and even met my now-fiancé. Obviously my relationships with them have become removed from the community sphere, but it’s still where the root of our friendship came from. It sucks that the way that I met some of the most important people in my life is tainted now.

Keeping this blog as a Michael blog is even making me feel a little weird and guilty- even though Kdin forgave him and he wouldn’t have any hand in the wage theft/other company issues. I dunno, I’m just not sure if it’s still respectful, or if I should just get rid of this blog. It’s a tough line to draw.

I just really don’t know, man.

[idiasdiscordkitten]

Azul, Jamil, Silver, Vil, Floyd

What would be their romantic side? Is there a particular romantic gesture that they are really fond of? (flowers, romantic walks, sharing a blaket, etc.?)

I am feeling mushy today aha

this is such a sweet one! let's do it let's do it

azul, floyd, jamil, vil, and silver's ways of being romantic with you

Azul Ashengrotto

💜 definitely a massive cuddler

💜 azul would hate it if anyone but you knew, but he loves just wrapping his arms around you and resting his head on your shoulder, chest, lap, etc.  he wants to be held.  he’s also the type to look up at you with a pout and silently demand a kiss

💜 he especially likes cuddling under a blanket--it’s almost as if the two of you are sharing a wave.  there’s something so intimate about it, but not necessarily naughty...  just comfortable

Floyd Leech

💜 rarely is in that romantic of a mood, but when he is, he goes all out

💜 he’ll cook dinner, spread rose petals everywhere, light candles, the whole thing.  but by the time the two of you actually sit down, he gets bored and wants to do something else.  he’ll stick it out if it’s a special occasion though, like an anniversary

💜 floyd also really likes giving flowers!

Jamil Viper

🧡 jamil’s instinct is to cook a meal for you, give you a massage, just totally dote on you, but he tries not to after you remind him that he needs to not act like he’s a servant all the time.  it’s a habit he wants to break

🧡 so, his favorite way of being romantic with you is to just spend time together calmly.  watch a movie, take a walk, dance together...  things that don’t require one person to necessarily provide for the other.  a very equal distribution of effort

🧡 but notice that these things are also extremely simple!  what he treasures are the mundane moments with you.  dealing with his duties can be so chaotic, he views his time with you as a chance to relax and be unapologetically himself

Vil Schoenheit

💖 any shred of romance must be kept private, for two reasons.  for starters, vil doesn’t want the paparazzi knowing all of his personal business, and it’d certainly be controversial for him to get into a relationship like this.  but additionally, he doesn’t want societal pressures to impact you or your relationship.  if you don’t want to be in the spotlight, he wants to keep you out of it so that you can maintain your own privacy as an individual

💖 that being said, vil is extremely romantic.  every romantic action is methodically planned out from all angles--it honestly feels like you’re in a real-life fairytale with him

💖 candlelit dinners, expensive gifts, handwritten letters sprayed with his perfume...  he goes all out.  after all, you bring him so much joy, and he feels like he’s maturing into a better version of himself with you, so it’s the least he could do

Silver Vanrouge

💚 silver’s a simple guy.  his way of being romantic with you is to outright tell you what you mean to him

💚 he’s extremely self conscious over the fact that he’s falling asleep all the time, so he knows that there’s always a risk with any date or activity the two of you set up.  he’s absolutely more than happy to do anything you ask, but he just worries that you’ll resent him or think he doesn’t care

💚 he really does care, though, and he prefers to show it by telling you how much he loves you or how much he loves your ideas.  he also expresses a lot of gratitude for your understanding of his issue and willingness to stick with him despite it

[lordabovehelpme]

I honestly don’t think Frank would be super dominant in bed like a lot of people write him to be. Not that I dont love it! But just think, everything else in his life is rough, blood, sweat and pain, but in bed with intimacy he would be gentle, and praise his lover left and right

Okay anon- we are on the same brain wave! 🧠

I totally agree with you! I see a ton of people writing him all gruff and dangerous, and while he is (and I have a hoot reading those) I also feel like it’s something he wouldn’t be around his lover.

Here’s my thoughts...

If you don’t know him that well, like he hasn’t let you in yet or you’re just a quick fuck- that’s all you are. Then he’s all gruff and pushy and dominant. Because he doesn’t necessarily care about what you think or to be honest, care at all. So I totally understand writing him like that for those situations.

However.

Once you wiggle your way into his heart, he gets protective and boy does he care. He’d tear the world apart if something even barely harmed you, including himself. So there’s that fierce affection for you that makes him fall to his knees, that brings out his smiles, that threatens to make his heart burst.

Like you said, his life is full of death and blood and pain. And there’s no way in hell he’s bringing that to you. He’s already amazed you’ve stuck with him for this long, afraid that his sins and actions will taint your brilliance.

In the bedroom, (or elsewhere- I don’t judge) I can totally see him spending extra time making sure you’re ready for him.

He holds you from behind, putting your legs over his thighs so you’re spread for him. He rubs his hands over your body, touching you everywhere but where you want. And not until you’re nearly begging him, he’ll start to rub circles on your clit.

You’re all breathless and leaning back against his shoulder, eyes half opened and your own hands gripping at his forearm.

He fingers you, eats you out, making sure you’ve cum at least once before he even gets his cock out.

I can see this going two ways, the first being classic missionary where he can see your face, making sure that you’re not showing any signs of discomfort while he slides into you. The second being him having you on top, letting you work down on him at your own pace.

And he’s always asking if you’re okay, if it feels good, if you need to stop, if it’s too much. Somehow it makes you feel even more sensitive, maybe it’s because he’s pouring as much love as he can into your skin.

Afterwards, he’s all cuddles and kisses. Like melted goo, puddy in your hands. But not before he slides a warm washcloth between your thighs, telling you how amazing you are, how pretty you are, how perfect you are. Kisses pressed against your flesh as he lets his heart run wild. 

It’s never about him, and even when you try and make it, it’s because he wants to give you eveything and please you.  

So yeah- thank you for sharing!  

I’m actually in the middle of writing a softer intimate scene with frank right now. So keep your eyes out! Hehe 

[dontfeeltoohot]

Sicktember Day 2 - Homesick - Steddie (Sick Eddie) - Rockstar AU

This is the first time in his career that Eddie wants to go home during the middle of a tour. It’s not that he wants to stop, necessarily, but he misses Steve and Eggnog; their little black cat, so much it hurts. They’ve been married for seven months, making this the first tour since tying the knot. 

It’s not helping that he’s running a fever, hovering around 100 degrees. The musician’s been feeling kind of sluggish all day, but now, sitting in the airport with his sweatshirt hood up to obscure his face, Eddie thinks he might be close to throwing a toddler-like tantrum. He wants to go home. It’s December and snowing, causing delays to a lot of flights, including their own. 

Gareth, Jeff and Tim have been battling on Mario Kart with their handheld game systems, sitting against a wall near a large window. Chelsea, Zack and Jake are talking about logistics for being late to a venue and what they may need to do. 

Eddie’s sitting alone in an uncomfortable plastic seat, knees pulled up to his chest. His stomach feels disgusting and a headache is throbbing on the right side of his head. Everything feels too hot and too cold at once, his head feels swimmy and he feels far away, like he's being pulled from his body.

His phone starts buzzing in his jacket pocket, so he fumbles for it. Steve’s name pops up and he swipes the button to answer. 

“Hello?” 

The guitarist's voice sounds exhausted, even he himself can hear it. His words come out like molasses, slow and stuck together. 

“Hey Ed’s! Still stuck in the airport?” 

“Yeah, uh…flight’s delayed two hours.” 

“…are you okay? You sound rough.” 

“I uh, I don’t feel so great. Trying really hard not to just…be stupid about it. Kind of wish I was home,” his voice cracks on the last word and he winces. “Sorry.” 

“Shh, don’t be sorry. You must be feeling pretty bad,” sympathy and worry covers Steve’s words, making the older man’s chest aches. Fuck he wants his husband. He wants Steve, and Eggnog, and he wants to lay down with them and sleep off whatever bug he's caught.

“Yeah, I guess. Think I have a fever,” he shrugs, forgetting Steve can’t see him.

As he talks, a couple of people in their mid twenties walk up, grinning. Zack’s up instantly, ready to step in. Eddie looks up, frowning. 

“Hey guys, I’m uh, I’m on the phone, if you don’t mind.” He always feels like a jackass for telling people he can’t take photos or talk, but today he can’t be bothered, not when he feels like death warmed over. 

“Oh, sorry man. Honestly we didn’t see, we’ll leave you to it.” 

Deflating, grateful they’re cool enough to drop it, the long haired man talks with Steve until he starts feeling his eyes shut. 

“Steve, M’gonna try and take a nap,” he mumbles, coughing into his shoulder. “I love you and miss you so so much.” 

“Get some sleep baby. Hopefully you’ll board soon and then you can get to an actual hotel. Call me when you land. Love you too.” 

The second he hangs up, the fans are back. So much for being cool. Blinking, Eddie turns to look at them again before standing- might as well just take the damn photo and get it done with. He doesn’t feel like having a story of him being an asshole begin to circulate everywhere. He feels lightheaded once he’s upright, but he pushes the feeling away. 

“Sorry, we’re big fans, saw you last night! We just wanted to get a photo.” 

“Right, yeah. Do you want me to grab the other guys?” 

“Just you is fine, if that okay? They look kind of into whatever they’re playing.” 

Nodding, the guitarist calls Zack over to snap a photo, who looks more than a little annoyed. Eddie’s aware it’s not because he’s asking for the bodyguard to take it, it’s the fact the photo’s being taken at all. As they all get closer, Eddie grimaces. 

“Just a heads up, I’m kind of sick, so sorry if I spread my germs or whatever,” he says guiltily, putting an arm around one of the guys shoulders. 

They take a photo and Eddie signs one of the girls shirts that happens to be an old Corroded Coffin one. That’s pretty cool, he has to admit. When they leave, he sits back down, rubbing his face. Six more shows and he’s home. 

[thesunshinebunny]

Can I ask for the dorm leaders reacting to their S / O asking them to join them in the shower for the first time???

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, oooookkkk, I can see what you did there dear anon.

In my great humble imagination, I'd like to take a dip in the huge bathtub that Kalim surely has in Scarabia. Let me dream, I like to relax in big bathtubs with foam, bubbles, music and incense. Before we begin, I warn you that all characters are +18.

Let’s goooooooooooooo

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Riddle

Oh dear, you don't know what you just did.

It was a decent proposal to be honest, you just wanted to spend a quality moment with our Queen, but I think the smoke got into his head.

"Riddle, I'm going to take a shower, would you like to join me?"

Puff red as a tomato and about to explode.

You stared at him in disbelief, until you realized your words. Maybe Riddle wasn't ready for that big step.

You entered the bathroom alone, but not before asking for forgiveness.

Now you left Riddle alone with his thoughts, that's much worse.

Your intention was to take a short shower, but with the event that had just occurred, you were eating your head as the water ran down your body.

The longer it took you to get out, the more your anxiety ate you up inside. You would have panicked if you hadn't heard the door open and close almost inaudibly.

Riddle stepped into the shower, standing behind you and circling your waist.

"Please don't turn around, it's still too embarrassing for me, but I can't help but feel calm right now"

Neither of you spoke or moved the rest of the time you stayed in the shower, even forgetting to wash properly. But that 'mistake' was the beginning of multiple long shared showers.

Leona

The lazy lion here wasn’t in his plans to get into the water, much less shower. If you had asked getting into the lounge’s pool, maybe he would have considered it.

He just lay on his bed, about to fall asleep, not caring about your figure in the middle of the room. He didn't care that you were getting irritated every second.

"I don't have the need to bathe, go alone"

He heard you leave and thought he was going to sleep peacefully before you get out of the shower… until an impact on his head dislodged him.

You had thrown dirt all over his hair, spreading over his chest and the bed.

“Now you have a reason to shower. You're dirty"

I recommend you to run to the shower, because the look Leona gave you… I highly doubt that you will make it out alive.

Arriving at the threshold, Leona grabbed you by the legs, placing you on his shoulder and getting under the faucet.

This fucker turned on the shower without letting you remove your clothes first, ending up drenched.

"Ah, my mistake, I think you're a little wet. Let me take off your clothes"

The malicious smirk on his face didn’t give you confidence, and didn’t disappear even when you were both naked under the water.

“You have courage to fill me and my bed with dirt, did you want to take a shower? Now you are going to clean me"

Ah… worth it?

Azul

Did he hear you well? Do you want to take a shower with him?

Oh dear sea witch, help him, he is about to have a neurism.

Azul wasn’t against your proposal itself, he was very concerned about his physique.

And what if you don't like what you see? would you are disappointed? And if it disgusts you to look at him naked or semi naked?

Thousands of questions ran through his head, making it impossible for him to give you an answer. If you looked closely, you might even see smoke coming out of his ears from the gears in his head moving; even tears were threatening to leak out of his eyes.

You placed your hands on both sides of his face, "Come with me"

You guided him into the bathroom, placing him under the shower head. You let go of your octopus and turned on the hot water before he could say anything.

Both were burned by the touch of the hot water, even Azul wanted to get out of there, but you stopped him by wrapping your arms around him.

The warmth of your arms on his torso made his heart skip a beat. He never thought he was going to be able to have this kind of intimacy with you, and I'm not talking about nudity.

It was literally like being in the rain in the middle of the courtyard, but in solitude inside Azul's room ... rather in his bathroom ... with clothes that were beginning to cling to the body.

"Do you feel better? Do you think you're ready to take off your clothes and really give us a hot shower?"

Azul never said a yes so fast in his life.

Kalim

A shower? A simple shower? What is that? Kalim only knows how to take big baths in tubs that could be the size of a house.

Either way he said yes, don’t be alarmed.

Wasting no time, he led you to the bathroom in his room, which you could swear was the same dimensions as the bedroom, apart from being very resplendent.

Kalim was very respectful at all times, he gave you your time to undress, he wasn’t invasive and he turned around when you asked him and thus enter the water.

Our sun here took the trouble to decorate the bathtub when you weren't looking, now the whole place was decorated with incense and scented candles from the Land of Hot Sands.

Even if you walked carefully, you might come across a few gold coins on the marble floor of the tub.

All very beautiful, but I think I would be very overwhelmed with such extravagance. And that is also your case, it’s better to tell Kalim directly.

Like before, don't worry, Kalim would understand your feelings a 1000% and if closing your eyes for the entire bath time makes you feel better, then Kalim would be willing to snuggle you on his chest and wash your head himself.

He ’s a gentleman, what can I say.

But, if you feel comfortable with all that, then I advise you to start a bubble war. Who said bathing with your partner has to be serious?

"Take care of your bubble ammunition, you wouldn't want to be left with nothing and for me to tickle you"

You made a mess in the whole bathroom, be careful when you leave, there is soap and water everywhere.

Vil

Oh no no no, dear, no dear.

One does not shower with Vil, one BATHES with Vil.

Like Kalim, Vil takes his bath quite seriously. He needs to follow his skin routine very meticulously and for that he needs oils, essences and… other things that my poor ass couldn't buy all the time, even if I wanted to.

His bathtub is not as gigantic as Kalim's, but it is much larger than average.

If for any reason you are embarrassed to bathe naked, don't panic. Vil has exclusively for you a bathrobe that you can use in the water, and one for him too obviously.

Prepare for a full-body massage session. The oils are not for decoration, they are to soften the skin and Vil would give the best massages of your life, you cannot argue with me

By the way, you also wash your hair with an equally expensive shampoo. There is no middle ground here: either you take a simple shower in your bedroom, or you go big with Vil.

That reminds me, the moment you take the first bath with this Queen of beauty, you have just signed a contract (not one of Azul's) in which it stipulates that from now on, every day you will bathe with it, end of discussion.

Vil may at first have been a bit ecstatic to the idea of ​​you giving him massages with his special oil and washing his hair; he has a very meticulous routine that he adheres to to the letter and your inexperienced fingers would not do enough magic.

Buuut, nothing like a good class in the middle of the bathtub to give good results.

In summary, taking a bath with Vil is like having a full day at the Spa, completely free ... well, almost free 😉

Idia

Idia.exe stopped working.

Jokes aside, Idia stopped reacting for a few seconds, he didn't even remember to breathe.

I can't tell if Idia is one of that kind of weeb that doesn't bathe, I want to believe that he does, please make me believe that he does, I implore you

Taking a shower with Idia can be a bit… embarrassing, mostly on his part. He isn’t used to so much human contact and that you ask him for such a proposal, is to get out of his comfort zone.

Nor could I tell if, when in contact with water, Idia's hair would evaporate, like the scene in Hercules blowing Hades’s head XD.

If so, it would be a lot of fun to watch, but you would have to reassure him because he would surely be much more embarrassed.

If that's not the case, maybe he would be around as long as the intimacy last with red hair, someone at some point mentioned Idia with red hair and now I can't help but imagine it

Many caresses from your part, hugging his torso from behind. Like Riddle, he would surely not be prepared to look at you for the first time or for you to see him.

Trie to calm the waters by asking him about his new inventions.

Also avoids telling Ortho all this bamboleo. He is too pure for this type of situation, let's not fill his head with indecent images of his brother.

Malleus

What a peculiar proposal, but it will be honored without a doubt.

He may have asked Lilia for instructions to abide by your proposal as well as possible… and Big Bear Mama Lilia may have asked him thousands of questions about it, perhaps embarrassing him a bit, but we will never know.

I have a slight suspicion that Malleus has a very rococo-style bathroom, in dark colors, but not necessarily black and green, do you understand?

Did you know those old tubs, from the Marie Antoinette years? Well, Malleus has one. He also has a shower, but to be honest, I see Malleus as a passionate lover, so the shower wouldn’t be in the game.

But, if you feel uncomfortable with the bathtub because it seems too much or you can’t step in (because, let's face it, hardly a person enters in that marble piece of furniture) then Malleus has no problem using the shower.

Whatever your decision is, the moment will be magical, and I mean it very seriously.

Our dragon daddy here would invoke any kind of magic to make the evening more enjoyable, like the little lights that fly around when Malleus is about to appear or disappear.

I recommend you don’t go around telling your intentions of take a shower with Malleus, we know that a certain lemon green hair is hanging around the corridors and he wouldn’t hesitate to listen to a conversation that has his young master as it’s center.

An uncomfortable moment if Sebek enter the bathroom screaming as always, demanding an explanation as to why a simple human is bathing with his young master.

[spenciebabie]

aaaaAHH blurb idea! spencer using toys on innocent gf👀👀

yet another long one... oops

He knew she was inexperienced, not a virgin necessarily, but inexperienced for sure. And some part of him loved it, wanted to treat her like the princess that she was. But then this other part of him just wanted to absolutely ruin her. Especially when she started talking about sexual things. Something about the way she seemed so shy, ducking away from any vulgar words, just made him want to hear her say them even more. Which made cases like this one a little troublesome.

They ended up being sent to question the owner of a sex shop together and she was almost covering her eyes as she walked through the aisles. He couldn’t get her awkward disposition out of his head all week. So he just decided to ask her about it, turning to face her on his sofa while they watched a movie.

“Do you own any sex toys?” he asks, and she opens her mouth to answer but nothing comes out.

“What?” she whispers

“Sex toys? Do you have any, or have you ever used any before?” He leans in closer, but she just shakes her head, but he’s not happy with that, “Words baby?”

“No” she says, biting her lip

“No what?” he asks and she looks a little frustrated 

“No I haven’t used any...” she huffs before whispering the last part, “sex toys”

He leans back on the sofa, watching her for a moment before he stands up and heads to his bedroom, he has a root around his bedside table and pulls out a vibrator. Nothing too extravagant, just something with a shaft and a few different speeds, and it was in her favorite color too.

When he joins her on he sofa again her eyes blow wide at the sight of the toy.

“God! Spencer!” she groans, “What are you doing?” 

“I just thought I’d show you what a sex toy was like,” he teases, “and maybe how to use one if you’re a good girl?” but she shakes her head.

“Have I ever taught you anything you didn’t like princess?” he asks, reaching out to stroke a hand along her thigh, and she lets out a deep sigh.

“Okay maybe, I just- are they strong? I’m really sensitive-” she stammers over her words but in a way that he finds so completely endearing

“I know you’re sensitive baby, and I fucking love how wet you get so easily” he leans in and groans against her ear. The hand on the thigh sliding steadily further up until it was teasing at the hem of her panties.

“I bet I’d find you soaked if I took these off, isn’t that right baby?” he asks, nibbling her neck just enough to tease. She lets out a deep breath and moans.

“Words baby” he repeats

“I am” she moans, but that’s still not good enough

“You’re what?” he growls, his fingers ghosting over the crotch of her soaked panties.

“I’m wet” she says in a little whimper, and two syllables have never sounded so perfect. 

“That’s a good girl” he coos, “Now lets take these off” 

Working together they slide off her panties along with her oversized t-shirt, leaving her completely bare and kneeling on the sofa next to Spencer. The toy still firmly in his grip.

“Okay, now that you’re nice and wet for me, I’m gonna use the toy, okay baby?” he asks, running a finger delicately through her folds as she mewls. “Come up on your knees for me, and spread your legs just a little” he instructs and she does, placing a hand on either one of Spencer’s shoulders to steady herself.

He lines the toy up underneath her, the tip of it just running through her folds. 

“That’s it, now be a good girl, and ride it for me” he commands and she obliges, sinking down onto the length and moaning with every inch, stopping just as she reached Spencer’s hands that were wrapped around the base.

“Tell me how it feels?” he encourages, and her eyelids flutter open.

“So good Spence” she moans, and he places a soft kiss on her lips before he turns it on. Something she’d almost let slip her mind. Instantly she’s doubled over, her nails digging into Spencer’s shoulders.

“How does it feel now?” he teases, and she has to work hard to steady out her breathing enough to answer.

“Fuck” she moans, and he already feels like he’s won, hearing her curse like that, “It so- I- fuck- ah!”

“I never said you could stop moving though princess, did I?” he asks, using his thumb to turn up the vibrations as she rose up along the length, slamming back down and up again before she stopped, whimpering.

“I can’t- my legs are-” he lets out a harsh chuckle

“Aw, you need my help, such a needy little thing, alright then” he growls, pushing the toy up into her, turning up the vibrations yet again as he continued his movements. Thrusting the vibrator in as deep as it would go on each thrust, savoring the desperate little noises she made as he hit against the spot inide her each time.

She had to lean forward then, resting more and more of her body weight against him. Her hands knotting in his hair as her head came down to rest against his shoulder. But he liked it this way, he could hear her little whimpers that much clearer.

“Tell me how you really feel, don’t hold back”  he tells her 

“Amazing” she moans against his ear, but he tuts, turning off the toy completely, and he hears a small whine of protest

“I told you not to hold back. Tell me” he growls and she gives in, she just needs to feel it again, she was so close.

“It feels so fucking good, I can feel the vibrations everywhere” she moans, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this wet before in my life Spence, please, I wanna cum, let me cum, I’m a good girl, please” 

“You’re not a good girl” he whispers against her ear, “Good girls don’t use toys to get off, you’re a filthy little slut. Tell me what you are, and maybe I’ll let you cum”

“I’m a filthy little slut” she whimpers, “Please, I’m your filthy little slut”

“That’s more like it” he grins, turning it back on to the highest setting which has her shaking in seconds, squirming around the toy as Spencer moans praises against her ear. He can feel the way she’s soaked his hand, and some of the sofa beneath her, but he cant bring himself to care about the upholstery as she collapses against him and he turns off the toy.

“So what’s the verdict?” he asks as he strokes a delicate hand over the back of her head.

“Have you got any more?”