#don’t live in fear
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“If you want to do it, do it. Even if you’re afraid you’ll be no good at it.”
Is something I am living by currently.
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if you’re scared if you’re angry if you’re sad you have to stay alive. i love you
#i don’t know what to do right now#part of me wants to say it won’t be a humongous deal#but. it’s obvious what he’s been saying these last few years#i’m so sorry to everyone who has to live in fear#and i’m so sorry to the people outside the country who this is gonna hurt#i’m sorry to the rest of the world who has to put up with this bullshit on a megaphone#we have to keep fighting#current events#us politics#< for blacklist
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(DCxDP) The obligations of a rogue versus those of a parent (Pt. 4)
—
Tw: descriptions of body horror, Dr. Crane has PTSD and Does Not Realize, Crane has an actual panic attack and just doesn’t care, the Riddler makes one (1) sex joke about Batman
Will be crossposted to AO3 eventually
(Pt. 1 here) (Prev here) - (Pt. 5 here)
(Masterlist here)
—
Dr. Jonathan Crane is in his lab, the acrid scent of chemicals filling the air, and his hands are shaking.
Danny’s health, for the first week that he had him, had been steadily improving at an extremely quick rate. However, his healing had begun to stagnate. Danny said that it was because his body had run out of ectoplasm, and that while there was a lot of ambient ectoplasm in Gotham, he needed a stronger type in order to heal.
And so, that led Dr. Crane here.
He had stolen the research notes from the Penguin years ago regarding his experimentation on him.
(He quite vividly remembers the sound of bone creaking and groaning as it twisted, lengthened. The squelching of shifting tendons and muscles, the strange fabric-like tightening of skin. The feeling of going from man to monster, of losing all claim to his humanity.)
Danny had called him Liminal, part ghost. He had said that he was transformed by, among other things, a kind of synthetic ectoplasm.
Danny needed ectoplasm.
Crane had the research notes. He had every ingredient necessary. And yet, attempt after attempt failed.
The chemical smell burns his nose. His hands tremble.
Dr. Crane is not afraid.
He doesn’t feel fear anymore. He’s tried to, many, many times, but nothing has worked. And yet, his hands are shaking still.
(The horrifying sensation of vertebrae pop-pop-popping along his spine, growing and lengthening. The unbearable itching beneath his skin as toxin glands begin to form. The feeling of his teeth sharpening and elongating, of his skull growing, of his vision changing and brightening. The awful stench of chemicals. The awful stench of ectoplasm.)
Jonathan takes careful note of his shaking hands, his blurring vision, his accelerated heart-rate and shallow breathing.
(Human hands. Human vision. Human heart and lungs and organs.)
He takes note of them, but he does not let that distract him from the task at hand. Danny is not a chemist, but Jonathan is.
The boy knows enough about chemistry in theory, but he won’t go anywhere near Crane’s equipment. He seems to have some sort of intense fear of laboratory settings, probably developed during his stay with the GiW, and Crane is willing to respect that, if only because he cannot afford to lose him.
As such, Crane is the only one qualified to do this. And, unfortunately, if he isn’t successful the boy may very well die.
He heats the chemicals to precisely the right temperatures, adding each one to its correct container.
Dr. Crane thinks of the Scarebeast, that creature born of cruelty and greed and a sense of superiority. That creature which he tries to ignore is a part of him, that can never be removed. A damage which cannot be undone.
He pours the contents of a small beaker into a larger flask, watching the liquids swirl together. The stench in the air is becoming closer and closer to the one burned into his memory.
Crane’s whole body is wracked with unpleasant sensations. It’s truly unfortunate, he thinks, that despite his mind’s lack of fear, his body still reacts so harshly.
Jonathan’s eyes wander, eventually settling on a purple and green card sitting innocently on the corner of the table.
Right.
Even if they wiped out the GiW tomorrow, and even if Danny could survive without ectoplasm, he would still be in danger.
Crane has to get him back to good health. It’s the only way he can be sure that the boy can defend himself properly.
The solution in the flask begins to foam, and Jonathan does not hesitate as he adds the final ingredient. He pours the mixture into a new container, capping it and placing it into a freezer set to -40 degrees.
Hopefully this time he got the timing right.
Jonathan tries to relax, the ventilation in the room slowly but surely clearing the familiar smell from the air.
He thinks of the letter.
Surely, he thinks, that man can come up with some better material for his jokes. Or, at least something new.
Same old threats, same old attempted poisoning.
Aiming his threats at Danny, though, that was new. New and utterly unacceptable.
Scarecrow did what he had to.
He doubted that his solution would last forever, of course, as with that man it never did. As such, he would prepare both himself and Danny for the inevitable moment that his choices came back to bite them.
However, for the moment, they were safe. Danny could rest and recover, and Jonathan could figure out a plan to minimize possible damages.
Jonathan is no longer shaking.
He’s exhausted. This is his fifth attempt today, and each one leaves an unfortunate strain on his mind and body.
With a sigh, he settles himself into his seat at a nearby desk, opening up his computer and logging his most recent attempt. He still has to wait for it to chill to know if it was successful, but he can always update the logs later.
Once he’s done, he stretches, joints popping loudly as he walks to the freezer.
When he sees the results of his tireless work, the ghost of a smile flits across his face.
Success.
Jonathan picks up the jug of ectoplasm and leaves the lab, which is in all actuality the basement of the new apartment that he moved himself and Danny into after receiving the note. The scrappy old woman who was his landlord had told him that as long as he paid her five hundred dollars up front, she would let him set up in the basement without any questions or cop calls.
And so, the most expensive apartment in the Narrows was his.
At least, he thought, the distance between the basement and the apartment was short enough that Danny didn’t have to sit in while he was doing his labwork.
Jonathan knew that he didn’t exactly have a strong grasp on the concept of ‘lab safety,’ proven by his built-up immunity to almost every toxic chemical he’d ever encountered, and he doubted that Danny should be around such an environment.
He was back to the apartment quickly, not bothering to hide the self-satisfied smile on his face. Danny is sitting in his armchair, trying to read one of his books. Danny looks up, ready to greet him, when he sees the jug in his hands and pauses.
“Is that..?”
“Synthetic ectoplasm,” Jonathan says proudly, “I found the Penguin’s research notes and decided to recreate it, since you said that you needed it to heal properly. I’m not sure if it’ll work the same as what you usually have, but I hope it’s helpful all the same.”
Danny is standing, now, and looking at Jonathan with a strange look in his eyes. He looks, Jon thinks, like he’s about to cry.
Then Danny is rushing forward and wrapping his arms around Jonathan, his scrawny form shaking.
Jonathan is, for a moment, horrified. Did he do something wrong somehow? Why is this child, who’s so afraid of touch, hugging him?
And then he hears Danny’s voice, and he knows that it was all worth it.
“Thank you,” he’s mumbling, over and over, “thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.”
“Of course,” Jonathan says softly, because what else can he say?
The boy cries in his arms for a while, and Jonathan briefly wonders what his life must have been like before, if a person like him can be seen as a comforting figure.
Then, Danny pours himself a small glass of the synthetic ectoplasm, putting the rest into the small fridge which had come with the apartment, and he settles back down, sitting in the armchair once again.
Jonathan sits opposite of him, and they chat with one another as Danny drinks.
Danny talks to him about the stars and tells him about different spaceships, and Jonathan makes sure to pay attention and ask the boy questions.
He doesn’t miss the way that Danny lights up every time he asks him something about his interests. He’s so passionate, so smart, a trait that he seldom sees outside of his fellow rogues, and Jonathan wants to encourage that.
It’s…nice. Peaceful, almost.
And then the front door flies open, because Jonathan isn’t allowed to have nice things.
“Jon,” a familiar voice rings out, “what the hell?!”
Danny is frozen in place, clearly terrified.
Jonathan heaves a sigh, turning to face the nuisance who’s entered his apartment.
“Eddie,” he drawls, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Edward’s face is red with anger as he invades Jonathan’s apartment.
“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe it’s the fact that you sent a bunch of rogues a cryptic message and then dropped off the face of the earth for two weeks! I was worried, Jon!”
Jonathan hums in acknowledgement.
“I didn’t think it was that cryptic,” he says, picking up a book in order to pointedly ignore the Riddler.
“Oh, of course you didn’t, you straw-stuffed hickory dickory dickhead. I swear, you’re always—” he pauses, finally having noticed Danny sitting opposite of Jonathan, “—who is this?”
“My apprentice,” Jonathan replies, dreading the upcoming headache he was no doubt going to develop from Edward’s company, “he’s helping me hunt down the GiW. His name is Danny.”
Edward gasps dramatically.
“You—an apprentice?! And you’re letting him sit in the old man chair?! You don’t even let me sit in the old man chair,” he wails, draping himself over the headrest of the couch with a flourish, “Jonathan, I thought I knew you!”
“Edward,” Jonathan says, “get out of my apartment.”
“Oh my goodness, this is incredible. You’re becoming the bat!”
“I am not becoming the bat, Eddie, now get out.”
Edward has a shit-eating grin on his face as he waltzes over to Danny. Danny, who seemed terrified when he first appeared, is now looking at him with obvious amusement written all over his face.
“I mean, look at him! The hair, the eyes, the scrappy build. If you put him in one of those traffic light vigilante costumes, he could easily pass as a Robin!”
“I’m not doing this with you today, Eddie.”
“Riddle me this, Jon: I am a treasure hidden inside of a chest. You can break me, or steal me, or give me a rest. I can flutter, or pound, or attack, or drop, but if you don’t have me, you’re certainly fucked. What am I?”
Jonathan pauses for a moment before he groans, dropping his head into his hands.
“Eddie.”
Danny sits still, a confused look on his face as he repeats the riddle silently. Then, his face lights up in delight.
“A heart!”
“Jon, I like this one,” Edward says with a smile, ruffling Danny’s hair, “you are correct! A heart, something that I wasn’t aware that our dear Jonathan had!”
“Eddie, stop.”
“No, no,” Edward says, “I was worried about you, you deserve this. I mean, you even missed girls night! You never miss girls night!”
“Girls night?” Danny asks, absolutely delighted.
“Oh, of course,” Edward says, sprawling over on the couch, dangerously close to just laying in Jonathan’s lap, “we have it once a week. I’m invited because of Selina and Jon’s invited because Harley likes him.”
“And what does girls night entail, exactly?”
“Eddie,” Jonathan groans, “please.”
“Well,” Edward hums, “we usually paint our nails, or watch a movie, or gossip about the other rogues, and occasionally, we tell each other about any ‘encounters’ we have with Batman,” he says, raising his eyebrows up and down.
Danny’s jaw drops.
“Edward, shut up,” Jonathan says, an irritated tone in his voice that wasn’t there before.
“No way,” Danny says, “I thought that Batman, like, hated you guys or something. You mean he actually..?”
“Oh, the Bat is much like a bottle of liquor or a cheap cigarette, in that he was made to be passed around.”
Danny chokes on air.
“Edward Nygma,” Jonathan hisses, getting out of his seat and looming over the man, “get the hell out.”
Edward pales.
“Leaving, leaving!” Edward says, dashing away from Jonathan. He pauses, turning to flash Danny a quick smile.
“Remember Danny, I’m your favorite uncle! Not any of the other rogues, me!”
With that, he leaves, the room falling completely silent.
And, as per usual, that silence does not last.
“You full-named him?” Danny asks gleefully, “and it worked?”
Jonathan just sighs, sitting down on the couch and rubbing at his temples.
“Please, don’t take anything Eddie says seriously. He’s a moron.”
“Dr. Crane, please let me come to girls night with you,” Danny pleads, his eyes sparkling, “I promise I won’t embarrass you.”
Jonathan groans.
“Of course you won’t, Eddie will do it for you.”
“Come on, please?”
“I think we’re a bit busy with the GiW at the moment,” Jonathan snaps. He pauses as he notices the crestfallen expression on Danny’s face.
This boy is going to be the death of him.
“Perhaps, though, when all that is taken care of…”
Danny cheers, grinning wildly, and Jonathan is not at all relieved to see him happy again. Certainly not.
The rest of the day is relatively normal.
Danny works on trying to get information from the GiW database while Crane refines his his fear toxin, both preparing for a raid on the GiW base they located in Gotham.
It was only a temporary base, nothing of note, but there was a chance of discovering more bases through it, and that wasn’t something either of them were willing to give up.
Still, something like this would take time. Rushing would only lead to failure.
…
Late in the night, long after Danny is fast asleep in his room, Jonathan pauses.
The GiW are not the only threat out there. They aren’t the only threat to him or to Danny. Perhaps it could be helpful to reach out to someone with greater resources than himself.
He sends a quick message to Red Hood.
Hopefully, he thinks, everything will go smoothly.
—
#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp fic#liminal scarecrow#Jon’s PTSD is triggered by the smell of ectoplasm because his life is a nightmare#HDJFNDNDNFKDJF#I am the master of emotional whiplash#rip Jon just trying to have some peace in this fucking house#never gonna happen king 🫡#oh also Eddie is not lying that bat can manwhore#and like half the rogues in Gotham know this from experience#and also most of the JL#and some of JL dark#btw Eddie and Jon are besties#they’re both awful but they make it work#when Jon full-names Eddie that just means that if he doesn’t stop whatever he’s doing he’s gonna get a dose of fear toxin#Eddie isn’t intimidating enough to full-name anyone so if he gets mad he just bashes whoever in the head with his cane#Jon is the living embodiment of ‘me and my girl don’t argue she bash me in the head with a rock and I walk it off like a man’#also side note I’m not doing any ships in this#because I don’t want to#they are just Like That#if you wanna read it that way though it’s completely fine#also shoutout 2 that one scriddler fic on ao3 that helped inspire that riddle LMAO
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Something that really sets Wille and Simon apart from other queer ships is that when we say their love language is physical touch, IT REALLY IS PHYSICAL TOUCH. And I’m not speaking of just sex. Over the course of the show, the amount of touching between them is astronomical. And that’s really something rarely seen in queer media. There may be moments here or there, but often times there’s a lack of physical contact unless it’s for “the plot”. Wille and Simon feel like a real couple in the way they’re always physically reaching out for each other.
#wilmon#young royals#OH ALSO#wtfock#sobbe#cuz they def belong in this category too#constant touching between them#but you don’t get it with most queer ships and idk if it’s just bc production is afraid of it being ‘too much’ or what#but it’s annoying#and frustrating#just something I’ve been pondering on recently#tv has come a long way in terms of representation#but it still feels like there’s almost a FEAR of too much affection between queer pairings#it’s seen more with mlm than wlw cuz I think they’re like oh well women are more physically affectionate in general even with friends#but damn like#I mean I’m a woman and bisexual so obv I have a lot of queer friends#and a couple of my besties are gay men who have been married for years#fun thing they live right next door to my parents lol#and I’ve known one half (michael) since I was 16 and he was 14 lol my friend jen actually had a big crush on him#and I was like GIRL#BUT ANYWAY#he and rick have been married for many years and they’re SO AFFECTIONATE in a casual way that you would be with a partner#just touches here and there on the shoulder or hand hold or kisses like???#obviously they aren’t the only gay couple I know but I’m around them so much so they are a good example#Lol this got weirdly personal but the point is that we don’t see that shit in queer media#at least not enough of it it’s like producers/writers are afraid of ‘too much’#so they give not enough#ANYWAYYYY rant over!!!
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Prompt 324
Is Mermay Over? Yes. Is that going to stop me? No.
So, Danny and Jazz might’ve run off to their uncle’s- they love their parents, don’t get them wrong, but even with at least one person in each generation of their family ending up a villain, they’re… intense. And they were getting that I’m going to destroy the government for this, look on their faces.
SO! Off to Uncle Crane’s, the somehow responsible one of the family. Seriously, how the Gotham Rogue is somehow the responsible person is… well, it’s a story to be sure, but hey, he’s actually pretty chill. And sometimes you need fear to eat and survive, they get it, it’s a liminal thing and a ghost thing.
Siren thing?
Look, it’s something to do with how ecto interacts with the body of a living or partially living person, even if they’re all still baffled about the how and why. Then again, it’s not particularly important at the moment, they’re in Gotham now and vibing in one of their uncle’s homes.
Honestly? They see why he didn’t move away after university, this place is pretty chill. Well, save for the fact the waters are horrible unless you’re used to it, but that’s what the tanks indoors are for. Even if Danny is the only one of them that has like, a proper fully aquatic form at the moment.
But honestly, doesn’t really matter. They’re pretty chill, even if the local furry brigade keeps breaking into their warehouses? Like damn, it’s not like their uncle is even currently doing rogue work, chill.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Liminal Scarecrow#Uncle Crane Au#Realms Sirens need to feed on more fear than other ghosts#Scarecrow canonically cannot feel fear due to something with his brain (hence the fear toxin)#I know I said merfolk but imagine more like sea serpent-fish things#Yes this might’ve influenced the whole Scarebeast incident (Jonathan still hasn’t forgiven Penguin)#Danny with whole-ass tail & fins & scales thanks to his ghost half bleeding through & panicking: It’s the GIW’s Fault!#Jack & Maddie (already picking up the entire armory) Oh don’t worry about it Sweetie we’ll take care of it :)#Jazz: I ain’t living in what’s about to be a Fenton Warzone- off to the responsible chill uncle now#The Bats: Scarecrow escaped almost 3 months ago with no sightings what is he Planning-#Scarecrow (also with patches of scales from Scarebeast Incident): Don’t murder on my property & if you do kill someone No You Didn’t
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Twilight ain’t a Wolfie … he wolf doggo… Woggo
Fanfic prompt:
You see the dumb thing I realized looking at wolf link is that wolf link doesn’t really look all that much like a wolf
More like a dog with wolf aesthetic
But then it gets cursed because looking at his frame and body proportions
It gets very clear that his body isn’t as slender and the space between his front legs is much larger then a normal wolves
Hind legs to wide
Ears not truly right for a wolf
Not afraid off people like a usual wolf would be
His face looks wolf like at first but the proportions are off as well
You know which animal fits this….?
That’s right a wolf dog
A dog/wolf hybrid would fit the rather odd proportions and the lack of fear
…
And that is incredibly cursed
The chain might not even notice because it is surprisingly hard to tell wolf dogs apart from wolves
To them Wolfie is a dog anyway lol
But Malon being a farmer since childhood who usually have to deal with wolves and sometimes even their dogs creating offsprings with them (or at least heard about it from other farmers who have wolf dogs by accident lol …it happens more often than people think)
And being very concerned about the implications of Twilight
Telling Time
Their descendant's beast form looking like a wolf dog…
WTF are those implications what is anyone meant to do with this information
Time be like “Twilight explain how you look half dog ,please !?!?!”
Twilight who just never thought about it that much “how could you do this to me !?”
It’s not making it easier for twilight that the golden wolf is his ancestor
Time just decided to get him a collar and now the chain has a good explanation for why Wolfie is allowed into towns
…
He is unfortunately a dog (they were laughing for a while about poor woggo twilight )
The conversations with guards are so not worth having access to towns as Wolfie
#linked universe#lu legend#lu wind#lu time#lu four#lu warriors#lu sky#lu wild#lu hyrule#lu twilight#twilight princess#yeah it is just wolf link's rig and probably made so that people don’t fear him to look more dog like#but also…#what are the implications of a character's dark form being a hybrid#half human twilight where lol#lu wolfie#the chain decided to be on their worst behavior#he is never going to live it down#but now he can get into towns with just one of the chain saying that he is a wolf dog
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While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.
And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.
#he really does mean well :’)#he also LOVES being a sassy petty little show off but these two things can and do coexist and in fact. improve the overall vibe lol#honestly Edwin is so funny. I don’t even find him that mean tbh that level of petty has always been hilarious to me.#if id known him in high school I definitely would’ve sat near him in class. don’t know. I feel teenage me would’ve considered him#‘potential friend’ or at least ‘someone to work on group assignments with’#lol but anyways edwin makes me very sad#that boy lives his (after)life in so much fear#storyrambles#dead boy detectives#this is a bit of a mess but I’m just going to post it as is#edwin payne#random thoughts
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billy’s mom waking him up while it’s still dark, whispering even though neil’s working the night shift. it’s a couple days before his tenth birthday and she’s telling him they’re going to have their very own adventure, just like the ones in billy’s books. she grabs an already packed suitcase from under billy’s bed and kisses him on the nose, tells him to get dressed quick. the two of them leave in an old beat up yellow bug that she managed to get for a third of the asking price and keep parked around the corner until now. they stay with friends and jump from place to place so neil can’t track them down. billy gets used to surfing couches and staying in motels.
he spends his tenth birthday in a diner, his mom gets him a big stack of pancakes and a milkshake with extra cherries. gets a candle out her pocket along with her silver lighter. sings happy birthday and pulls a face when the waitress frowns at them, just to make billy laugh. she sips at her coffee while billy tucks in. smiles when he holds some out with a “c’mon mama, share with me.”
billy thinks it’s neat. thinks it’s the best birthday he’s ever had.
they eventually end up with a place in california, a little bungalow near the coast and billy grows up with his mom. billy gets pretty shirts from the thrift store ‘cause his mama lets him do stuff like that. doesn’t call him a queer, doesn’t force a baseball bat into his hands whilst yelling at him for crying, for being a pussy. his mom lets him read and keep a journal and press flowers between the pages of the neverending story, she plays hendrix and dusty springfield and laughs when billy comes home from his friends’ house with his first piercing at thirteen. she doesn’t tear down his posters or yell when she finds him using her eyeliner.
and everything’s perfect. sort of.
they have bad days- billy’s mom has bad days. billy calls them gray days ‘cause that’s how the world looks when she’s like this. all her color gone. no singing-dancing in the kitchen or baking five different kinds of cake because she couldn’t decide which one was best, no last minute trips to the beach or sitting outside at night and telling billy about the stars. instead she’ll stay in bed, won’t go to work. she’ll stare at the wall blankly and look right through billy when he tries to talk to her. she won’t take the pills the doc gave her and billy doesn’t know what to do. never knows what to do. just chews at his lip until it bleeds, bites at his thumb until it’s red raw. he’ll get in the bed with her. lay beside her and just talk like she used to do with him when he had a nightmare. hum a song to her.
billy’s still pissed at the world just slightly less so. still has that anger and anxiousness simmering just below the surface and shows his teeth when cornered. he’s still hardened in a way that a kid shouldn’t be but. it’s different. there’s no neil. the only bloody noses he gets are at school, when he fights with the kids who call him a fag and a fairy, call his mom a basket case. he uses fists when they laugh and ask if she’s all there with a finger pointing at their heads, ask if billy will “catch the crazy.”
those are billy’s bad days. sitting in the principals office, icing his knuckles.
when he’s fifteen, billy manages to bag a job at the local auto repair by turning up every day and telling howie how good he’d be, that he knows cars and it’s all he wants to do and please please please. eyebrows pulled together, eyes puppy dog wide and hands clasped in front of him until howie grumbles, throws an oily rag at billy. says fine but billy’s gotta pay for anything he damages. someone brings in a chevy camaro and billy asks howie to let him help fix it up. does the begging again until howie laughs. says get a hold of yourself, kid, voice fond as he ruffles billy’s hair.
billy’s four months away from turning seventeen when the doorbell goes. he’s eating a sandwich and watching knight rider. he’s wearing the necklace his mom got him for his last birthday and- he answers the door. doesn’t think twice. freezes when he sees neil standing there. he looks different. hair a little shorter and more wrinkles. where billy’s gained weight, gained muscle, neil’s lost it. his eyes are a little sunken and he’s still got his wedding band on. he reeks of booze. billy has to remind himself to speak, just says “yeah?” his voice comes out small and neil smiles at him. smiles and billy feels this weird twist in his stomach ‘cause .. that’s his dad and he hasn’t seen him in years and it twists and twists and-
turns out. not much has changed. billy realises a little too late that neil will always be neil. they run again. have to leave everything behind. billy doesn’t get to say bye to his friends, to howie, to the car. they leave a lot of stuff behind and head in any direction away from neil. they both try to keep the mood light, take turns driving and play the tapes billy grabbed. they end up in indiana- hawkins. they stay at a motel until billy’s mom finds a place for dirt cheap. it has two bedrooms and a dingy bathroom, a living room slash kitchen and one hell of a damp problem. it’s dirt cheap for a reason.
it’s above a shop in town and- it’s fine. their landlord is an asshole but they’re together and they’ve got a roof over their heads. billy’s enrolled at hawkins high and his mom gets a job at the laundromat. he tells her that he doesn’t need to go to school, that he could just work and help pay the bills but his mom won’t have any of it. says that she wishes she had finished school and that billy’s too clever to waste it. that he has potential.
billy knows the reason she dropped out of school was because she had him. he just nods, rests his head on her shoulder.
it’s billy’s first day at school and his mom drives him to make sure he actually goes. he gets out the car and tries to shake the nerves off. straightens up and puts on his act. plasters a fake smile on his face and it’s working, he’s got most of the girls swooning and the boys at least seem curious. billy looks around and his eyes land on a guy leaning up against a bmw. his hair’s coiffed to high heaven and he’s wearing a polo, preppy as fuck but- pretty. it’s one of the first things billy realises about him, all doe eyes and moles dotted just about everywhere. he’s got a smirk on his face. not aimed at billy but the guy beside him.
pretty-boy walks over to him and billy raises an eyebrow, plays it cool. he introduces himself as steve and billy gets the idea that he’s top dog at hawkins high, is immediately proved right when they step into the building. king steve, freckles calls him. billy laughs- catches steve looking at him when he does and feels his face get hot. steve just smiles wider, calls billy california and tells him to sit with them at lunch. billy tries to ignore the way steve’s smile makes him feel like the rug’s been pulled out from under his feet.
he nods and steve grins. tugs at one of billy’s curls.
says “i think you’re gonna like it here, california.”
#it got away from me i fear#billy has to live somewhere else at the start and then they move to california i don’t care he needs to be there with his mom for the#majority of the time he just has to#he Is california ! what else am i supposed to do here he needs it#makes hawkins that much worse#he’s best friends with argyle but he doesn’t get to say bye !#billy’s first kiss is with a girl but the second the one he counts is with a boy and his mama knows he’s gay also#probably argyle if we’re being real#my words#billy hargrove#billy’s mom#harringrove#cw slurs#cw mental illness#spinning in circles i just need mamas boy billy and king steve so bad#mamas boy billy & king steve
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I recently learned that I can lock my likes
And now nothing is stopping me from liking the ungodly amount of smutty Azriel fanfiction I read
#acotar#acotar fandom#sarah j maas#acotar series#prythian#a court of thorns and roses#azriel supremacy#pro azriel#azriel spymaster#azriel x reader#i’m just a girl#im about to get weird with it#I don’t know how I didn’t know about this before#I no longer live in fear#I’m gonna go back and like all the ones I’ve already read#I’m coming for you smutty Azriel fanfiction writers#this fictional man is just so hot 🥵#don’t quote me on that#someone take my phone away#shittalkingwiththesuriel
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hey this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular but I’m saying it for the record here: if I tell you no, please stop messaging me about fundraisers and mutual aid.
I get enough messages that it’s impossible for me to keep up without devoting at least half an hour each day, when I’m not even on tumblr that long most days. Me having a boundary about this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a lifeboat for me on my own blog.
In my personal life I’m already advocating and donating literally as much as I can spare. This is not me not caring, it’s just me not willing to interact with that on the one place I go online to not interact with irl news and world events for the most part.
I cannot be upset all the time. I cannot be upset everywhere. I cannot use all my emotional and mental energy fielding my own upset from ongoing events. My options are to hold boundaries about this or stop coming online at all.
I’m all for sharing information and signal boosting to reasonable extents, but the scale of it this year is so large and so enduring that it is literally not possible to for me to participate on every account I have. I’ve previously shared links to Gaza eSIM donations and a major hub of verified Go Fund Mes here and elsewhere online. We, the online humans, know how to look those things up ourselves by now. There are many, many people choosing to do advocacy work, and right now, I can’t be one of them.
If you’re extremely upset when I tell you I can’t share/donate right now about a Gaza family or personal fundraiser you ask me to share here, just unfollow and block me. That’s what those buttons are for. Protect your own emotions and energy and get me off your feed instead of staying upset and continuing to engage with online people or content that upsets you.
Please don’t send repeated angry messages based on manufactured purity politics and moral outrage into my messages and inbox when I exercise the right to run my own blog.
#and on that note#I also think some people need to sit down and ask themselves#if their old end times anxieties and fears and preparations and word spreading#haven’t filtered straight into a new non religious end of society and end of modern world order anxiety that they’re pushing on other peopl#even if it is the end times#you cannot change that by beating your own anxieties into other people’s heads#people can care MORE when they are GIVEN ROOM TO BREATHE#first rule of sustainable activism is you can’t do it constantly and you can’t push it on people constantly#you have to pace it and you have have have have HAVE to play long games#short term activism burns you out and if it leads to full despair from burnout it can get you killed via depression#it’s not a joke#there’s a reason your elders have books and community lore about healthy activism even in times of crisis#they lived it. they learned from it. learn from them.#spend your time doing things that can make real impacts.#do little things online but unless you’re an actual information hub you shouldn’t be posting constantly about it#people won’t even want to follow you anymore eventually because that’s not why they followed you#and then you have no audience for your important message anyway.#I know this. I learned it myself on other accounts.#please. stop. harassing me.#how is harassing me going to make me MORE willing to change my mind and post? just because you demanded it?#I am an autonomous person#this is my ONE curated space on the website#you have a multitude of tags and other users#don’t waste energy on a person who already told you no. let’s call that activism rule number two#spend your energy where it’s not likely to be wasted#you’re needed for a long haul#act like it 😭#and stop spamming me 😭#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?
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When you…when we….when I uh….uh…it’s the day :)
#publicly broadcasting my age to various strangers online? my my that’s a first!#(shhh the various sketchbook tours don’t count that was done subtly)#there was a reason I didn’t have it in my bio for a long while—because I was a minor back in 2022 when I first joined :P#or maybe it was 2021 I can’t recall no more#anyways I don’t think anyone is entitled to know your age especially when your young#it’s best to not attract unwanted attention and you need to be careful with what you put out in the world#or maybe it was just how my anxiety brain operated lol idk always so overly cautious with everything#but I’ve noticed majority of people do list age nowadays (probably for inverse safety reasons)#so hey why not proclaim mine I’ve got nothing to loose#anyways wow my birth! The first day of living life! 19 times traveling around the sun!#COMMENSE FEARFUL SCREAMING#hplonesome art
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Thinking about Reverend Daughter Gideon again.
Like Harrow Nova is tragic on a outrageous level, two hundred murders that did nothing, but Harrow knew what her parents done when she was very young and the thought of a tiny baby Gideon learning that she should be dead but isn’t is just…. Her attempted murderers are now acting like her parents while their actual child (the only companion she knows) is treated like trash right in front of her.
Our Harrow tries to be the best because of massive guilt, that even though she knows she can’t ever make up for what her parents did she has to at least try. Reverend Daughter Gideon, however, would be driven by fear. The only thing that kept her above being treated like Nova is being a necromancer, if she’s a bad one she might just lose everything.
The fandom needs more Reverend Daughter Gideon is what I’m saying
#the locked tomb#Gideon Nav#our Gideon has no fear because she has nothing to lose#she literally only has her life and she’s perfectly willing to throw that away#but RD Gideon had it drilled into her head from a early age that she’s living on borrowed time#she’s supposed to be dead#our Harrow used Gideon as a whipping girl but I don’t think RD Gideon would#at least not in that way#because RD Gideon is well aware of what made her#and is all too awear that Nova is exactly what will happen to her if she fails#they still hate each other but they don’t try and kill each other I guess
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I have five pennies would u make em Smooch for tha
Hmmmmm..maybe
There’s a good mount of peeps who don’t like characters smoochin
#asks and replies#look at me#makin excuses#mainly cause I have the irrational fear my mother with burst in and witness the sin of kissing and throw me out the window#I don’t even live with her anymore lol
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it’s going to be so funny seeing these takes/rumors for the next however many weeks or months considering i know the broad strokes of the pilot sarah herself brought to the network AND some of the questions the network is asking fjfnfndbnddnnd
#don’t ask me for details bc 1) i can’t say and 2) i have no info on the most important part (a certain peroxide vamp and if smg’s shipping#opinions have changed)#i’ve been living in fear for WEEKS#concept is not what this person is saying but could go either way on quality#not afraid to say the spike question is make or break for me#btvs
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Tik tok link
ITS LITERALLY THAT AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
UTMV fandom stop romanticizing trafficking, kidnapping, what amounts to basically mind control, and abuse just because it’s your “hot” little blorbo that does it challenge. Failed continuously over and over.
I think the worst part about it is when they use killers masochism to justify the abuse with “well he likes it!”
Pretty soon I predict some people in the fandom may tip to the other side of the scale and make killer start hating nightmare so much and sexualize that too.
Just let bro do one simple thing and breathe without constantly sexualizing him. like would you like it if you start sharing how much you hate your abuser and have violent thoughts about revenge only for someone to claim you want to fuck and have sexual tension with your abuser.
#howlsasks#qin qin16#utmv#sans au#sans aus#utmv fandom#cw abuse mention#cw trafficking#cw kidnapping#cw sexualization#cw sex mention#killer sans#killer!sans#abuse isn’t hot.#trafficking isn’t some cute one and done thing. and neither is ramcoa which is basically what killer is a survivor/victim of.#people die from trafficking. children die. people are left traumatized and disabled for the rest of their lives. it’s not cute.#many survivors live in fear of being found again. some even think they never truly escaped.#many traffickers would rather kill themselves and their victims than be caught. it’s dangerous for anyone involved.#not as simple as calling the police or cps bc they can be involved or don’t have enough evidence.#traffickers are dangerous people.#nm may not be the ‘traditional’ trafficker but he still is one. a powerful one at that. very few stand a chance against him.#cw ramcoa#people don’t even seem to realize that more often than not#it’s family trafficking their kids and siblings.
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When the most well known thing he’s done is try to keep superboy as a pet that wasn’t even my boy that was a different universe </3
#does this constitute as furry art#fanart#dc fanart#dc#dc comics#comic fanart#comics#kamandi#prince tuftan#I live in hell#I don’t want to tag jack Kirby for fear of sullying his name with my stupid doodles#bilby art tag#what do i tag this#I tried to keep his stripes the same
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