#honestly Edwin is so funny. I don’t even find him that mean tbh that level of petty has always been hilarious to me.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.

And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.

[kalosstarters]

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

OK before progressing, I have to mention that I have some pretty strong opinions on certain things so if you can’t deal with that, do not read. This is a long post.

@fairy-amy

Favorite character: 

EDUWARDO ELRICU (I don’t care how it should actually be written, that’s how I hear it) ♥ You’ve come to see how much I’ve learned to like him... But seriously, what’s there not to love? He’s brave, he’s badass, he has dealt with some absolutely awful things, but somehow still manages to keep going (well, these are things that a lot of shounen heroes are, but still he /doesn’t/ feel like just another shounen hero, nope), he’s super duper determined (to the point of being stubborn), and despite doing some “Robin Hood-esque” things (such as the mine incident in the first vol of manga) and claiming that God must hate him for his sins, he’s actually the purest thing I’ve ever seen and has really strong morals (hello?? He didn’t even want to kill the mass murderers in lab 5?? And only used the philosopher’s stone when he /absolutely/ had to i.e. when he was in Gluttony’s stomach). HE JUST WANTED TO SEE HIS MOTHER’S SMILE AGAIN AND CAN YOU REALLY BLAME A _5_-year-old (I think he was 11 when the bad stuff TM happened??) for wanting to do that?? He’s also super smart and the fact that he was the youngest state alchemist ever tells something. He’s also both short and short tempered and honestly those are both things that I can personally relate to, and sarcastic and funny yet also super caring even though he’s bad at showing it... He always puts his important people’s happiness before his and he feels super guilty about Al losing his body AND AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE’S HELP THE POOR BOY until finally he faces Truth on Promised Day and says that he has all these people on his side and ahhh man I love him. He is by no means a perfect character, he makes mistakes and sometimes says shit he shouldn’t, but that makes him feel even more realistic (As realistic as a shounen hero can feel. I would also lie if I said I didn’t like his design, Winry is a lucky girl). OK that was the story of why I love Edward Elric, /in brief/.

Least Favorite character: 

Kimblee. Honestly. I feel the other “bad guys” in FMA at least have some kind of motive to do whatever they are doing, but Kimblee states (at least in FMAB, I don’t remember if this line was in the manga) that he’s killing out of sheer “fun” of killing. Soo yeah. And he’s just gross and manipulative and ugh.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Do I have more than 3 fma ships? I’m not sure. But my OTP is obviously EdWin, from childhood friends to lovers is always a good trope and even though they bicker a lot, to me it feels they actually enjoy it. Seriously, if you just look behind those wrench throwing scenes (that are just poor slapstick humor and should not be taken too seriously), they actually share a lot of really sweet moments. Ed praising Winry for how amazing she did as a midwife (and always remembering to mention how amazing his mechanic is), Winry being inspired by Ed’s determination when she saw what’s inside Ed’s clock, Ed stopping Winry from shooting Scar because “her hands are meant to heal” (just fuck. me. up), the hand holding and comforting each other when they find out about Hughes, “I’ll make you cry tears of joy”, Ed sneakily holding Winry after she helped Scar in Briggs, which is something that assdsdg I can’t deal with because ughhh that boy so rarely shows physical affection and I’m just a freaking sucker for that kind of stuff, Ed thinking about Winry when he almost died, Winry thinking about Ed when she almost died, THE FREAKING LAST SCENE WHICH WAS SO AWKWARD AND SO ADORABLE AND SO THEM AND AHHH I AM SOO GLAD IT HAPPENED (tho I still would have liked to see a kiss but who cares THESE TWO ARE CANONICALLY MARRIED AND WITH AT LEAST TWO KIDS BUT MOST LIKELY MORE BC duh that’s even what Arakawa herself has said!!! Hnnnnghh I love them ;_____; Oh and I forgot to mention that Winry literally helped Ed to walk again, building Ed automail when she was only 11 and helping him also in other ways and asafdsg (Also how would I not find Ed blushing fiercely (and occasionally reciting the periodic table) when someone hints that something is going on between these two or when something remotely intimate happens between them adorable?? Also the scene in which Winry gets mad at Al because he doesn’t understand Ed’s feelings somehow hits me hard because it’s such a ‘supportive girlfriend’ thing to do from her!!) Really who even cares about my other ships after that unnecessarily long rant?? I also like Roy/ai and Al/mei but really I’m not like most of the people in this fandom who seem to think that the first mentioned of those two is the best thing ever. They are sweet, but I think the fandom’s opinion of them has put me off a bit, and I see them as that couple who will never /really/ be a couple anyway, because of the unfortunate circumstances. Al/mei is cute, but we see quite little of them to make me feel super strongly about them. I suppose for example Maes and Gracia and Ling and Lan Fan and Trisha and Hohenheim are good ships as well but I’m not quite on the “I’m gonna read fics about them” level with them yet.

Character I find most attractive: 

ehhhhhhhh. Older Ed. Yes. That is not a question tbh (the other side of me wants to mention older Winry here as well :P)

Character I would marry:

oh I /would/ marry Ed if he was real and of my age (and not married to Winry lmao). Not gonna lie. (honestly tho Al would probably be a nicer husband but with Ed it would never be boring)

Character I would be best friends with: 

my answers are starting to sound kinda boring, but Winry is definitely friend material. She goes through so much but still is so supportive of others and does not want to sit around when she could be doing something to help. Plsss people appreciate her more. (Sheska would be a cool friend as well, I can relate to her wanting to read so much)

A random thought: 

getting to see people’s opinions on fma and its characters has made me a bit shocked. I can’t believe some characters and ships (even canon ones) are seen so negatively while some others, that I would /not/ expect people to see positively, are surprisingly popular. This fandom makes me want to not be in it, I can’t lie about that. But to compensate a bit, I have to mention that I have also met a few super amazing people who have been so nice to me and who do amazing art and write amazing fics (INABD is the best thing ever) and ahhh I am /so/ glad I know about those things and those people. So at the end of the day, I guess the positives still win the negatives. An unpopular opinion:

I’d say it’s pretty unpopular to ship edwin more than roy/ai. So that’s one. I also don’t think Winry is annoying. That’s another one. Hmm this post is already so long that maybe I will not go more in-depth with this answer.

My canon OTP: 

EDWIN. I probably don’t have to say more than I already said Non-canon OTP: 

hmmmm... Roy/ai? I mean they are sorta canon but also not, if canon means being married and stuff.

Most bad*** character: name one character in fma who isn’t badass? Like Ed is the first to come to my mind but really there are so many other badass characters in it that it would be wrong to mention just one. OK let me say Izumi because that woman /kicks ass/ and she even survived Briggs alone which is not something many people would be able to do. So Izumi.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Ro**d. Ew. Why fandom why. I will never understand this. Even if you do age Ed up (and if you don’t, it’s pedo/philia), I see many problems there and yeah I’m not even gonna go there. If someone wants an in-detail analysis on that, ask :P (they say you shouldn’t bash other people’s ships but I don’t feel the need to accept pedo/ships. That’s all.)

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): 

Of course manga/brohood is not perfect but I don’t really feel badly about any of the characters. Maybe I would have like to see more of emotional Ed in this version as well (as I know 03 digs more to the emotional side) but other than that I don’t really feel any character was ‘screwed up’ in the way that is meant in this question. Favourite friendship: 

Ed and Al are the most important relationship in fma so it would be wrong to not mention it. They are precious. But like, Roy and Maes?? And the sibling like relationship of Winry and Elicia? And Parental!Riza and Ed. And many others!

[droppingthebasssince1997]

Even though its January 14th and new years was 14 days ago i just feel the need to talk about some stuff thats happened. Im not the kind of person to talk about things that happened. I’d rather keep it in and figure it out myself cause i guess I'm just used to it and also its so hard for me to voice out my emotions at some times. I just can never put it into words. 2017 was honestly the hardest year of my life and i know there are people out there who have it way worse but it was pretty shitty. So many things happened. I fell in love with an abusive, angry, self indulged coke head who made me hate myself and made me feel like everything i did in life was stupid. I stopped believing in myself, slacked hella in school, skipped school to basically be his fucking maid. all i did was clean, cook, sleep, drink and repeat this entire cycle. and if he was having a rough day well that just meant that id get yelled at for the tiniest things even if it means us arguing over who could get a can of pop. I guess thats when i stopped caring about everything, my mental health and physical health, my relationship with my family and friends (the 2 friends that i had lol) and my education. I was so lost and confused that I had pretty much given up on everything. I stopped trying to be positive or doing everything with a smile like i usually do. Long story short I had a little slip on june 9th. that was the day when i decided to end everything. fortunately enough i got stopped and long story short i got slapped with a record for trying to call out for help. Instead of saying its okay for wanting everything to stop in life for once, the first thing the psychiatrist told me at 12pm (after being taken in at 4am and being kept there) was that i was slapped with a criminal record. After he said that i guess i just shut down as usual. why the fuck would you consider someone a criminal for trying to kill themselves. Till this day i can't put the pieces together or come up with an idea of why they would do so. yes i had empty blow bags in my wallet and maybe its because i was drinking that night but still it made no sense in my head. It made me feel unimportant and unworthy despite everything that i had just went through. I didn’t talk to anyone for 3 days and funny story even tho i was told to stay away from alcohol my ex and his fam still got drunk and drank around me the entire night. the same night i got out of the hospital. I spent the first night alone because well everyone was partying and I didn't have any good friends to talk to. I lost kalli because i was dating a jerk and i lost kayla well basically because she had a busy life. long story short my parents found out i was lying about doing summer school and i went back to live with them beginning july. i really broke their hearts and my dad didn't talk to me or even look at me for 2 weeks. My dad is a sweetheart and in my 20 years on this planet he has raised his voice at me once and he apologized 30 minutes after. I really hurt them and I guess i waS still to dumb to see how i was still hurting them. i was still with josh the entire summer and i would come home hammered and coked out at 3 in the morning way past my curfew and fight with my parents. it got so bad once to the point where my dad and i got almost got into a physical fight. I was trying to leave the house and he grabbed all my stuff and chucked it. It was a horrible night. that was also the night i came clean to my mom about everything except coke because i don't think i could ever come clean about it. long story short i decided education was what i wanted to do for the rest of my life esp after having a great time during the summer being a summer camp leader. So i went back to kelowna to start year 2 well kinda. I was on probation cause i fucked year 1 up hard. i was still with that jerk but my good friends that i lived with made me realize what he was doing to me. he had me shoved up against car doors and walls while being right up in my face yelling at me. or getting made and pushing me because i accidentally lost cocaine. well i finally got the courage to break up with him for good. It was probably the hardest thing i have ever done. I never thought i could break up with him or get out of that abusive relationship. and sometimes it still hits me that I'm done with his bullshit for good and I'm okay. Im safe and I'm never going back there and he can never ever hurt me again. I guess I'm just scared and so fucking angry at myself for not seeing everything and the larger picture. I called myself a feminist for the longest time and would be like “how can girls stay in abusive relationships?” and now i know how. Being manipulated and controlled is a real thing. You are completely blinded by everything. your sense of power and identity get ripped away from you and your abuser becomes the only thing you have and find comfort in. Its weird and some people might not understand it. But i sure do and i finally realized all the things he had done to me. mentally and emotionally. anyways this is where 2017 got better for me. I started talking to my old friend edwin again. Josh made me ghost him when we got together. we talked everyday. it was like nothing had changed and within 2 days of talking to him i basically told him everything that happened in a year and 7 months. it was a lot tbh and i never actually noticed haha. but he stuck thru everything including my wild drunk nights out. I turned into something else and hoed around. I guess it was my way of dealing with stuff and found comfort in seeing guys? Because i didn't know who i was and my confidence was so used to being dependent on a guy for security and empowerment that i couldn't do it alone. I couldn't empower myself and thats mainly the reason to why i slept around. anyways edwin and i talked 25/7 day and night and we got so close without even realizing it. we gave each other relationship advice as he was seeing a couple girls and so was I. when i came back for reading break he kissed me and thats when i realized he had feelings for me all this while. I was so blinded by all these fuck boys to see he was right under my nose the entire time. and when he was flirting with me he actually was flirting with me and not joking about it. well i made a mistake after but long story short i liked him in an instant. i liked him more than like. i loved him but i knew it was too soon. i was scared to get serious so fast considering its only been a couple months since i broke up with josh. anyways he asked me out and i said yes in a heartbeat. He is not like any other guy and i know it. he’s far from them and he;s never going to hurt me. he didn't even have to say that to reassure me i just know. and I'm dating my best friend like how much better could it get. he helped me get sober and i could be 5 months sober but i had slip up. so its been 2 months fully clean and i couldn't feel anymore cleaner and pure. end of 2017 started to look better for me. I started dating my best friend, got sober, got out of probation, got a job in kelowna and my relationship with my parents got so so so strong. My mom and I haven't been closer and its honestly the best. little did i know we are the same person esp when drunk haha. But then some stuff with my little sister when down and i ratted her to my parents because it was the only way to get her out of that situation. anyways she doesn't talk to me anymore or ever. And i guess I'm so hurt and thats why i decided to write everything out because I'm hurt. I lost my best friend since 2013. yes she is my sister but she is also my best friend. If you ask me who i want as my bridesmaid id say shalini right off the hook. without thinking because when we moved here we had no one but each other. we moved half way across the country and left everything and everyone behind just because I  was failing school in singapore. we got close i guess after only having each other and it just stings a little that she can't trust me cause who do i trust now.I know i have edwin but its different. she’s my sister she just knows me like no body else. we were fobs together and we matured and grew together. i don't have any other girl friends i trust besides her. i don't have a girl best friend and i guess I'm just sad over that. I lost all my girl best friends cause of josh and the others are back home half way across the fucking world and i just don't mean as much as i used to to them. distance and time difference can play a part lol. I really don't know what got to me to talk about everything or at least a couple things but maybe its just cause i finally got my period after 3 months and I'm super emotional and hormonal? sighs anyways i know 2018 is going to be my year and so many things are happening this year its defs gonna be a year to remember. I just wish for my best friend to come back or for me to find a good girlfriend who's on my level and wants to talk to me about her date or texts me while she;s on her date or something or comes over to nap or eat food or netflx or maybe go shopping with idk. i know i already have a friend./ twin sister  like that, hanna, but she’s half way across the country and boy have we distanced. anyways i took like 45 mins typing this out and crying so i think its time to toughen up and get back to reality and life. Im a strong girl who’s been thru a couple things and with that experience of being hurt, used and manipulated I'm gonna make a change and 2018 is going to be waaaay different. I got this, all of it.