#don’t fret you guys it’d nothing bad </3

[squashfolded]

”This happened to me while I was watching a sunny ep" hmm?

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

[whump-a-la-mode]

Villian-Sicle | Part 3

I didn’t expect to continue this beyond part 2, but I’ve come to love these characters. I hope you guys enjoy! Heed the warnings, this one contains a lot of medical stuff.

CW//Superhero whump, villain whumpee, hypothermia, hospital setting, cardiac arrest, blood, dialysis, talk of death, talk of “pulling the plug”

Taglist:

@whatwhumpcomments

@sola-whumping

@professional-idiocy

The machine was too loud.

Talking over it made Leader feel that they were tearing apart their vocal chords. Then again, the stress of the situation wasn’t exactly aiding in that respect-- they could practically feel their tense muscles tightening around their windpipe.

“They’re going to be okay, then?” Their tone was rushed and pressing.

“I don’t want to guarantee anything.” The Head Doctor bit their lip. “Really, I can’t guarantee anything. By all accounts, the patient should already be dead. Human body temperatures shouldn’t be able to get that low...”

“Humans shouldn’t be able to fly, either.” Medic shook their head, gesturing at Leader, who tucked in their wings, not even realizing that they had unfolded. “But here we are.”

“There’s nothing particularly unusual about their physical anatomy, though?” Head Doctor raised an eyebrow.

“Enhanced people have different anatomy by default. Higher heart rate, for one thing.” Medic provided, glancing towards the heart monitor sitting next to the hospital bed. The spikes were shallow, and abnormally close together, but none the less steady.

“Yes.” Head Doctor dipped their head. “Well, then, that would explain how our patient is still breathing.”

“They should remain that way, then, right?” Leader fretted.

“I have high hopes. We’re doing everything we can. It’s up to them, now. If their body temperature can raise before it’s too late.”

The conversation ended on the same worried note as it had began, and the groups’ gazes seemed to unanimously drift downwards, as if they had simply forgot that they were standing over a body halfway between humanity and corpsehood.

Villain’s skin was horribly pale, translucent, even, as if it were on the verge of melting away. The restraints on their wrists and ankles-- Leader had insisted as to their presence-- seemed far too loose around their captive’s thin structure, but they simply couldn’t be tightened any further.

The only patch of Villain’s body that did not lack color was their chest, in which a catheter of at least an inch in diameter had been inserted. The skin around was red with irritation, resisting feebly against the roaring machine drinking blood from the line, only to return it at the same access point.

The whole spectacle was horribly grisly, with tubes filled with scarlet draped over Villain’s chest in a gruesome web. The machine itself, sat off to the side, seemed to whine and groan with every feeble heartbeat its victim managed to make.

Hemodialysis, the doctor had called the process. Manually warming the blood in an attempt to warm the body. Despite its vampiric appearance, somehow, the process was keeping Villain alive.

A chill ran through Leader’s body at the very thought. Villain was a stubborn asshole, one they’d been pursuing doggedly for months. Somehow, regardless of what trap they placed or what situation they were thrown into, Villain made it out.

Now...

The machine was plugged into the wall with a single cord. Just a wire, just some electrons passing through metal. Something that could so easily be severed. A single tug, a clumsily placed foot. The fight would be over. Would it be so wrong? Villain had done such wrong... and they wouldn’t feel a thing. They’d part in an unconscious pool of their own delusion.

Leader bit their tongue.

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“You okay?”

Hero watched the small flame of force flicker between their fingertips, their eyes nearly crossed with focus. They had hardly realized that somehow had spoken to them, and it took several awkwardly long seconds for them to look up.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay? You looked distracted.” Counselor furrowed their brow.

“I think I’m... always distracted.”

“I know. Just... that was a lot, back there. And you looked stressed.”

“Just worried, I guess.”

“About Villain?”

“There’s not much else to be worried about.”

“I’m worrying about you, right now.”

“I think... Villain is the one that we need to worry about, right now.” Hero chewed their cheek. “You were in there, right?”

“For a minute, yeah.”

“Are they okay?”

“Alive. They were alive. But with Medic there-- well, I don’t think there’s a better authority on Enhanced biology on the seven continents. I think it’ll turn out okay.”

Hero chuckled humorlessly.

“That’s another thing I’m worried about.”

“What? Medic?”

“Yeah. Medic kind of. More Leader. Medic is... I mean, I love ‘em, and they’re the biggest hardass out there, but they’re a doctor more than anything else. Hippocratic oath and all that. But Leader...”

“You’re worried because Leader... isn’t a doctor?”

“No, no, it’s not that. Leader just seems so much more worried about the fight, and the mission, and the good of humanity, than, well, than anything that’s right in front of them. I’m just worried that...”

“That Leader’s going to make a bad choice?”

“Something like that.”

“I agree that they can be... a hardass. But they’re not a bad person. I don’t think they’d execute someone. Not like this. Not after everything.”

Hero’s gaze turned to Counselor. They hadn’t expected their friend to come to the base of their concerns with such speed.

Counselor gave a small smile in return.

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Head Doctor left the room.

They had made their leave hurriedly, ensuring that they would be back in just a few minutes, to press the Code Blue button if anything happened. Leader had nodded along, hardly processing any of it.

They were focused on the person before them.

Over the last few minutes, by some miracle or curse, Villain’s heart rate had begun to stabilize. Though the beats came just as quickly, they were stronger than they had been. Not quite normal, but on their way.

Medic seemed fixed on the monitor, eyes narrowed as though they watched prey. The screen had more than just a heartrate reading. Alongside that, it showed a series of other graphs-- breathing rate, oxygen levels, among some that Leader was clueless as to the meaning of.

They glanced to the door. It was firmly closed. Certainly, the rest of the hospital would be too busy with the recent break-in to intrude.

“Medic?”

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but continued their fixation on the readings.

“Yes?”

“What would you say is the... the percentage we’re working with here.”

“The percentage?”

“Of survival.”

“Well... I suppose I can’t make an exact predication, but it’s climbing every minute. 80 percent? 85? They’re not completely out of the woods, yet, but their temperature is raising steadily. The dialysis is working.

“80 percent.” Leader hummed. “So... 20 percent chance that they don’t make it?”

“That is how math works, yes.”

“That’s not an insignificant percentage.”

“We’re doing everything we can. As I said, it’s rising, and quickly. If we can get their temperature back up into the 90s, I would say that continued survival is almost guaranteed.”

“Is that so?”

“What’s got you acting so weird, all of a sudden?” Medic finally turned from the screen, glancing to Leader.

Leader gulped.

“Do you remember when we were in Denver?”

“At the telecommunications hub? Yeah.”

“And in Vancouver?”

“Yes?”

“And at the bank, in Phoenix?”

“Leader, I assure you, my memory is fine.”

“No, no, I mean, Villain did all those things, right?”

“They had help.”

“But they led the charge?”

“I suppose so, yes.”

“They’ve hurt a lot of people. Destroyed a lot of places... brought them to the ground. Leveled a city block, once.”

“Seriously, what is this about?”

Leader’s gaze glanced down to the Villain, pale, restrained, with a tube skewering their flesh, then back at Medic.

“No.”

“What?”

“No. No, no, no. I let you restrain them like some kind of beast, which, for your information, is completely against medical protocol. I’m not letting you kill Villain.”

“And why not?”

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Outside the hospital room, in a pair of plastic chairs, Hero and Counselor sat with far more relaxation between them. They watched passively as Head Doctor left the room, hurrying off to another room.

Hero took a fidget rope from a coat pocket and began twisting it between their hands.

“What do you think they’re going to do with Villain, then?” Counselor’s voice was considerably quieter, as if they were telling a secret. They stared off, down the hallway, instead of meeting Hero’s eyes.

“I just hope they let us have some input in this whole thing.”

“Me too. But... what would you prefer? If you had the choice?”

“I mean...” Hero sighed. “They haven’t been the best person, I think we can all agree on that. They’re dangerous. But I also think that... they’re scared. They’re scared, Counselor, really scared.

If it was up to me, I think we should help them. While in our custody, but, I think they need help. And maybe then, they can help us? I mean, they must know something about Supervillain. It’d be nice to have an informant.

Really, I just want to see them okay again. Even if it does mean that they go back to being an asshole.”

“That’d be nice.”

Hero nodded.

“I think Medic mentioned that, once Villain’s stable, we’re gonna move them back to base. Where we have the special medical equipment, the Enhanced care stuff.”

“Yeah. I think Leader is definently going to want to keep them in custody.”

“If they try to hurt them, though... I’m not gonna let that happen. If we have to keep them prisoner, we can at least be humane about it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“I just hope Leader agrees.”

“Me too.”

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“It’d be a waste.”

The answer was too analytical. Leader had expected to be yelled at, to get an earful about morality and ethics and other crap. Not something so simple, so factual.

“What do you mean?” Leader’s tone wasn’t accusing, at least they didn’t intend for it to be. It was far more dumbfounded in nature.

“Everything in this world runs on technology. Those lights, that door, this machine, everything. Everyone has a phone. Every building has a network, of both electricity and information. Villain can patch into all of that. You said it yourself, they leveled a whole city block. What else can they do?”

“What are you... what are you implying?”

“We keep them, and we use them.”

A garbled voice resounded throughout the room. Leader whirled around, half expecting Supervillain to be right behind them, before turning back.

“Was that y-” They began to ask, but didn’t quite get the chance.

“Code Blue! Code Blue!” Medic snapped. “Don’t be useless, press the damn button!”

It took Leader’s confused mind a moment to note the emergency that Medic was responding to-- that of a horrible, electric screech. The heart monitor was no longer showing a steady pulse.

At the sight, Leader’s own heart rate sped up. They nearly tripped over their own feet as they rushed to the blue button on the wall, jabbing it with their finger multiple times in a frenzied panic. Once they were satisfied that they spiraling terror had been registered properly, they returned to Medic’s side.

The doctor had their hands positioned on Villain’s chest, one over the other, slamming downwards repeatedly. In between, Leader could see a sharp rise in the chest-- they were still breathing. But for how much longer?

Dammit, dammit, don’t think like that, it’s someone’s life!

A resounding crash burst through the room as the door was slammed open. They rushed to the bedside, seemingly ready to continue CPR, before Medic raised an arm, preventing them.

“No, no, they’re okay.” Medic panted breathlessly. Leader raised their eyes to the heart monitor-- sure enough, a slow, steady rhythm was returning.

They’d made it.

“Mmm..”

Leader panted for breath, trying in vain to calm their racing heartrate.

“Mmm... whaaa...”

Leader’s shaking gaze shifted to the source of the noises--only to find their eyes locked with the wide ones of Villain.

[charming-2d-boys]

I'm so happy to hear you write for female characters. Could you do some headcanons for Paku, Machi, and Shizuku in a relationship with a female reader? >:3

Of course! I honestly can't wait to write for so many characters and try understanding them better, so thank you for this opportunity! 🙇

Man, Shizuku is so hard for me to understand... And I thought Illumi would pose a challenge for me...

Also, very, very long, you’ve been warned!

I hope you'll like these! ❤️

Pakunoda

you’ve definitely met somewhere on the street when you stopped walking to pet a cat and to your surprise, it actually started rubbing against you and purring loudly

yeah, enjoy this chance

how many cats that you stopped to pet either came to you or let you pet them for a long time?

so when you hear a meow and the cat stops and goes towards the sound, you’re disappointed because you wanted to pet it some more

you probably thought it was another cat that meowed, but surprise! It’s Pakunoda, who smiles as the cat hurries to her and rubs against her legs

she feels your eyes on her and sees your pout because the cat just... up and left you with your hand in mid air and it’s not fair how some people attract them so easily

Pakunoda will think you’re so cute so she beckons you with her hand, telling you that you can still pet it

if she stays, the cat stays and it loves the attention you both give her

you offer the cat the remaining bit of sandwich that you had prepared that morning and didn’t get to eat

it purrs happily as it eats and then looks up at you and Pakunoda expectantly, probably wanting some more

I’m sorry, little guy, that’s all I had left

it just meows before bumping its head against your hand and then going back to rubbing against Pakunoda’s legs

you sigh because it doesn’t look as if it’s going to come back to you and you get up, ready to leave

but Pakunoda gently grabs your wrist, stopping you

Don’t be upset, this little guy is a little glutton. Aren’t you, hm?

she says as she scratches the cat behind its ear, making it meow and purr in satisfaction

when you tell her that you really like cats and feel relaxed around them, she suggests you go to a nearby cat café that she sometimes frequents when she’s in town

it’s a pretty sudden request and you’re a bit hesitant, but when she introduces herself and you do as well... you decide to give this a shot

Pakunoda seems harmless enough and no one who likes animals that much can be such a bad person, right?

the whole day is spent playing with and petting the cats while talking with Pakunoda about yourselves

she really does seem like someone you could probably get along with very well

she’s beautiful and has got a nice personality and you love the way she talks, it’s like music to your ears

Pakunoda seems to think pretty much the same thing about you

you seem to be different from other people and you’re so friendly, kind and funny that she almost wonders how she hasn’t seen you around before

you'd been swamped before with work and/or classes and just now had a day off when you decided to go out and get some fresh air after being cooped up with all those papers and documents

so you wonder if Pakunoda will be in town for a bit longer so you can hang out again

and when she asks you if you want to meet up again in a couple of days, you're immediately smiling and telling her that you can't wait

you two start frequenting pretty much every cat café that the city has to offer, and when you’ve been to all of them at least a few times, start looking after other cafés where you can see other types of animals: dogs, parrots, hedgehogs, owls etc.

you always end up spending entire days in those places, always talking and always having fun

one such night, after leaving another cat café that you managed to find hidden somewhere between some tall and narrow buildings in an alleyway, you’re both walking on the street, just getting ready to go your own separate ways

Pakunoda stops you as you’re ready to cross the street and you look up at her questioningly

you can barely see it, but her cheeks and the tops of her ears have a very faint pink tint to them

you were so curious as to why she stopped you that when you opened your mouth to ask, Pakunoda quickly asked you out... on an actual date

the surprise quickly faded before you happily agreed, making Pakunoda’s shoulders sag in relief

she insists on walking you home that night and of course, you let her, just to spend some more time together

after that, things get progressively more intimate and romantic

Pakunoda often comes over to your place and you two often cook together

she loves teaching you new recipes

when you decide to surprise her by cooking something for when she comes home late one night, she hugs you really tight and thanks you for being there

always gives you a hug and a kiss when she comes over to your place

she’d love to introduce you to the others if you were to accept her as who she is fully

Pakunoda often cuddles with you when you’re both done with everything for the day

whether you’re on the couch or on the bed, she’ll often pull your head on her chest and play with your hair

you always giggle when you tell her you love her and feel her heart beat faster

arguments? pretty much none

Pakunoda is not really the confrontational type and you just... easily discuss whatever might come up between you two

you’ll definitely get a cat and take care of it, maybe even the cat that brought you two together, who knows?

you always reassure her that she’ll have a place to come to and call home, even when she tells you that you don’t need to tell he because she’s fine

Pakunoda definitely appreciates it, though, because she’s always dreamt of having somewhere and someone to come home to

Machi

you were frantically looking for a really old book at the local library because you were so close to finishing your paper

and this book would be one of the last ones you needed to use and then you’d finally be done

the old librarian was currently helping someone else so you started going in-between bookcases, searching by yourself

and there it was!

on a shelf barely out of reach

you started jumping, trying to grab it by the spine, when you finally managed to pull it out a bit from the other dusty, old books

just a bit more and you’d finally get it-

whoosh

there goes the book

you just blink because... what the hell was that? where did it go?

you look to where the book was, still seeing specks of dust flying around, before looking to the ground

nothing

and when you look to your right, you see a small girl with pink hair and... shinobi clothes?

she holds several books in her hands and is quickly walking away

 Hey! Excuse me, I need that!

you’re almost yelling because you’re so close, you can’t have someone else take the book, the due date is in two days!

when she turns around, you’re left speechless

she’s adorable looking and even that serious look on her face almost looks like a pout to you

she’s looking at you expectantly, as if waiting for you to just say what you have to say so she can leave

I need that book... *hard stare*

For my paper... *hard stare*

That’s due in two days... *hard stare*

Please?

...

she sighs as if it’s a great effort and takes it out of the little pile in her arms, handing it out to you h she’ll tell Chrollo that she couldn’t find the book and that she’ll go and look for it in the coming days

and as she turns around to leave, you actually say a loud wait! that attracts several glares and a few shushes

you quickly apologize before jogging up to her to introduce yourself and tell her that if she still wants it, you can meet up with her here and give the book to her

she still stares at you, a bit of apprehension readable in her eyes, before telling you her name is Machi and that we’ll see before leaving

it didn’t even occur to you that she literally picked up the books and walked out with them without even stopping by the checkout desk

that night, you read and used to book as fast as you could so you could finish writing up your paper

and the next day you were waiting at a nearby table in the library, trying not to fidget so much because you had already been waiting for an hour and there was no sign of the pink-haired girl yet

you felt a little tug on your hand and shook it a bit, thinking it’d gone numb from how you were staying

only that you felt the same tug again, only stronger, and you looked up when you felt as if you were pulled by an invisible force, only to see the girl from the day before

you finally got up and walked to where she was, between bookcases, before taking the book out of your bag and handing it to her

she took it without a word and it almost seemed as if she was going to turn around and leave, but you stopped her and asked her what her name was, before introducing yourself

Machi

it was a cute name and apparently, your mouth was faster than your brain because you saw her blue eyes widen and a bit of redness cover her cheeks before she looked to the side, avoiding your eyes

why you felt the need to ask her to hang out if she had time was beyond you, but it was too late to take your words back

only that then you thought how rude and weird that sounded and started fretting over how to apologise and explain yourself, but to your surprise, Machi accepted (she was surprised that you had the courage to ask her as you didn’t really seem to have it in you, but apparently, she was wrong)

it was a simple hang out as friends situation

you actually did most of the talking, with Machi contributing only a little bit

you actually felt a bit upset, thinking that you’re bothering her or boring her

but when you stopped talking and apologized for talking, she only told you to keep talking because she enjoys what you were saying

she wasn’t going to tell you that she loves how enthusiastic you look when you talk about something you like or that it’s funny how much you gesticulate or what a good storyteller you are

and it was actually fun hanging out with you

Machi had a good feeling about you and because she trusted her intuition, she surprised you when she asked if you could see each other again

let’s just say that the relationship between you two’s been getting better the more you saw each other

Machi’s made it a habit of bringing you flowers from time to time

and you do the same because you like that little blush on her face when she receives them and thanks you quietly

loves hugging you and breathing in your scent whenever you see each other

she thinks that she could see you as her home

Chrollo and Pakunoda will definitely notice a positive change in Machi’s attitude, as much as she tries to hide it

when she tells them about you, they slowly become your biggest supporters

Chrollo will want to meet you at one point, just to assess you and your intentions with Machi

he almost seems like an older, protective brother and it’s adorable

when he’ll tell her that you’re a good girl and that he hopes you’ll be happy together, you can’t stop smiling

and honestly, neither can Machi - although her smile is smaller, it’s still there

loves it when you wake up after her and come into the bathroom, only to hug her from behind while you greet her sleepily

for your birthday, she’ll cook you something that she learnt as a kid in Meteor City

when you tell her you love her for the first time, she’ll hug you reeeeeally tight and whisper it back, telling you that she’ll always protect you

on your first year anniversary, you’ll take her to the beach and spend the day together playing in the water, volleyball and eating ice-cream, while at night, you’ll go to a restaurant and order whatever the two of you want and then walk on the beach while holding hands

you will insist on taking photos of the two of you and even ask others to do it for you

Machi will take one of those photos that she liked the best - the one where she put a bit of ice-cream on your nose and your face was confused and adorable - and keep it in her wallet or in a special little compartment underneath her pincushion

always looks at it when she misses you or can’t call or text you

no one tells her that she smiles every time she looks at that photo of you

Shizuku

Shizuku is... forgetful, to put it nicely

so when she dropped her phone and you saw it, you hurried to give it back to her

only that you were pretty much blocked off by two men, one very tall, with scars on his face and huge hands and another one who was really short and had half of his face covered by a bandana with a... skull?

you’re intimidated enough that when the shorter man asks you what you want while glaring at you, you can only show them the phone

a short and monotone oh from the girl is what makes the two men move out of her way as she comes and takes the phone from you before thanking you

you can only nod before you both stare at each other for maybe a second or two

the little cough you hear from the larger man makes you both end your staring contest and stare at him instead

We have to go he says plainly as they all turn and start walking away from you

you can only stare at them, feeling a bit confused

and, as if feeling your gaze, but not really caring, only Shizuku turns around, curious about why she can still feel your eyes on her

and you just wave at her, because you don’t know what else to do when she’s staring at you like that

you keep seeing her from time to time in different places, usually really crowded ones, along with the two men from before, still flanking her on both sides

you always wave and smile at her whenever she looks at you - she always finds you even in the biggest of crowds

Shizuku can’t really remember you all the times and while the other two always tell her that yes, we’ve seen her before and no, we don’t know her name, she sometimes wishes she remembered you and know why you always wave and smile at her when you see her

you’re acting as if you know each other

so, one day, after you do what you always do, she tells the Franklin and Feitan that she’s going to talk with you

they don’t try to stop her, but they are ready to defend her if anything were to happen

when Shizuku does finally ask you why you smile and wave at her, you just tell her that you thought she was really pretty and wanted to get to know her, but her two friends kind of scare you and you didn’t want to trouble them, since they always seem to be in a hurry or on an errand or something

when she only tilts her head a bit, as if still confused, you smile and ask her what her name is, then introduce yourself

looks like you’ll have to be the bold one today

you ask her out, as friends, just because you’re curious about her and want to get to know her

if she wants to, of course

Shizuku is still a bit confused by the sudden turn of events and almost feels herself drift away before she says yes

and just in time, because her two intimidating friends come and tell her that they have to leave, while looking at you apprehensively because, well... you’re a bit of a pretty, weird little girl, aren’t you?

still, all three of them leave and when Franklin finally asks Shizuku what you’d talked about, she finally told them

well, that was... unexpected, to say the least

you were definitely weird - but so were they, so they had no right to judge, right?

he asked her if she planned on going and she said yes

they had nothing important to do for the next few days that would follow, so it would be okay to take some time off

Shizuku does have to be reminded several times about her promise and you, mostly by Franklin, since Feitan couldn’t really care any less

your hangout is fun, at least you think it is

Shizuku is pretty... calm and doesn’t really show much, if any emotions

but at the end of the day she does say that she had fun and that you’re cute when you’re happy

so you ask her if she’d like to do this again some other time

and when she accepts, you exchange numbers

you go out several times and you feel like you’re getting closer to Shizuku, both emotionally and physically

and when you shyly hold onto her hand during one of those times, you almost deflate when she doesn’t really squeeze back or let go and just glances at you

pretty much ready to let go of her hand and abruptly end this hangout and leave before you embarrass yourself any more, you’re taken by surprise when your hand is finally squeezed back before Shizuku laces your fingers together

you almost loudly sigh in relief and find yourself talking again, about whatever just comes to your mind, happy and just filled with a newfound energy, while Shizuku quietly listens to you and feels herself absorbed into this little bubble of joy you created and trapped her in

the next few months see the two of you getting closer and opening up more

she’s quiet for the most part and even appears cold, especially to others who don’t know her

but behind closed doors, she just loves having you in her arms, either watching TV, cooking, sleeping, washing the dishes etc.

plays cards with you and almost always lets you win because she likes your smile more than your pout - even though you’re cute no matter what

the others are dying to meet you when they see Shizuku meeting up with them and wearing a shirt that’s definitely not hers

oh, I took (Y/N)’s shirt again

yep, they really wanna meet you

they all treat you nicely and Shizuku holds your hand throughout the entire meeting

which they think it’s adorable because they can actually feel that Shizuku is happy

she loves giving you massages, especially when she sees that you’re really tired

will sometimes forget to do chores, but she does write them down somewhere or has you remind her

whenever you two can, you really like going window shopping

she could steal everything for you, you know?

just say the word and it’s all yours

writes down on her hand and wherever else she can so she can remember your birthday and anniversaries

you surprise her by baking her a cake from scratch for her birthday

and Shizuku’s even happier when you bake another one so she can celebrate it with her friends as well - she insists on you joining them and actually have a lot of fun listening to them tell funny stories about Shizuku and what her memory problems did (nothing too bad and that everyone remembers fondly)

will take you on the rooftop of the building and stargaze with you

also tells you she loves you because she really does

you definitely proved that you loved her, so it’s only fair she returns the favour

loves kissing you under the stars and it’s one of the few memories that Shizuku actually remembers and holds onto dearly

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (27/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: I’m the slightest bit overwhelmed by how kind a lot of you are and how many people have become invested in this story. It’s the coolest thing seeing the happiness it brings some of you, even if I am stressing you out right now. Whenever I get a message about how a story has made someone’s bad day better, I get a little smile on my face. You are all awesome ☺️

Thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for being my beta! Don’t fret. She yelled at me a lot about this part of the story too, so it’s not just you guys and it does get better. 

AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @stunningswan​ @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​ 

-/-

Emma has never once complained about having off from work before.

Not once.

She has four days off right now. It’s four days of no baseball and no responsibility, and she has been looking forward to it for months ever since she first saw the time off on the calendar and marked it in a huge red circle. There’s nothing quite like having the ability to sleep in, not brush your hair, and lounge around in pajamas all day as you watch professional athletes hit tennis balls back and forth at each other at one hundred miles per hour as they play the US Open.

But there’s a bit of a sting to it all when two tickets to the semi-finals tomorrow are saved in her phone, and she hasn’t spoken to the person who bought them for her in three days.

(They’re in the nosebleed section so no one would notice them, and Emma remembers laughing out loud when Killian showed her the seats because she has no idea how they would even see the ball.)

Okay, there’s more than a bit of a sting.

It fucking hurts.

There’s always been a reason why she didn’t make plans so far ahead of time, not ones that require monetary and emotional commitments from her, but she’s been breaking all of her rules over the past five and half months. All of them. She’s made plans to go to Portland, to go to a wedding, to go to this idiotic set of matches that she would actually really love to go to.

All of them with Killian.

Emma should have known better. She honestly should have. Every time she ever made plans with Neal or Walsh or any other man that she was dating, they always fell through. They never held up. Either the relationship would endend, or the guy would fade away at the last minute. It didn’t matter. Every time she got her hopes up, they fell back to the ground and were crushed under the weight of her own disappointment.

Neal was the definition of flaky. He was always making these big plans with big dreams and promising her so damn much before ripping the rug out from under her so quickly that she barely even had time to brace herself before she fell flat on her ass. And the really shitty thing is that she didn’t even realize how awful it was that he was doing that to her because that’s what people had been doing her entire life – foster parents, social workers, childhood friends, her birth parents. That little seed of hope would be planted, roots would start to grow, and then it’d all be torn out of the ground. She was in a relationship like that for years and then fell into the same exact trap two years later.

Why would Killian be any different?

(Of course he is different.)

A laugh escapes her lips at that, one she didn’t give permission to, and all it does is make Emma curl into her bed a little bit more, wrapping her arms around her pillow and yanking the blankets further up her body so that the outside world can’t get to her. It’s just Emma, her laptop, and a bag of salt and vinegar chips that are most likely going to break her tongue out.

As it should be.

This is not how her day was supposed to go.

Not at all.

Killian was supposed to come over after his morning training, and he was going to spend time with her and probably Ruby, debating television shows and movies and eating whatever takeout he decided to bring on his way here. But Killian isn’t here. She doesn’t even know where he is. Probably not training considering he’s out for the rest of the regular season.

It’s what he told her, but it’s also what she’s read in about fifteen different articles online.

And what she had to post on her Twitter account as part of her job. Life is funny that way. You think you can avoid your boyfriend and all information about him, but she can’t. It’s part of her freaking job.

She couldn’t have kept herself from reading the articles online if she’d tried.

(She didn’t.)

There’s a knock on her door, a sound that Emma has been ignoring for most of the past few days, but she didn’t turn the lock when she went to get her chips two hours ago, so Ruby easily opens the door and walks into her bedroom. She’s got her hair pulled back into a ponytail and is wearing leggings and a sports bra like she just went to the Pilates class that Emma skipped out on.

She shouldn’t have done that.

Fueling her emotions into that would probably have been a much healthier way to cope. No, it definitely would have been. Exercise is better than stuffing her mouth with junk food even if junk food feels so much better at first.

Shit. She’s pathetic. But honestly, she doesn’t even care.

“Hey,” Ruby says quietly as she shuts the door behind her. “How are you feeling?”

Emma doesn’t respond, just curls herself further into her pillow like the pathetic person she is as a tennis ball is thwacked across the court and bounces up into the bottom level of the stands. But Ruby, never one to be deterred by anything, walks across the room and settles down on the bed behind Emma, wrapping her arms around her stomach and pulling her closer while Ruby’s chin rests on her shoulder.

It’s the most considerate touch she’s felt in days, and it’s the only time that someone hasn’t shown her pity or tried to tell her that everything was going to be okay. After she left the hospital, leaving Killian behind with her mind reeling and falling down a hole with no escape, Emma immediately went to her apartment and changed into running clothes before running until her legs wouldn’t work anymore. It was fifteen miles, something she’s done before, something that’s not even her personal best, and she thought that she could keep going.

She had to keep going.

But the adrenaline died out on her, all of her anger and rage and, frankly, sadness dissipated into barely being able to breathe, and she’d swiped her metro card and walked through the gates to get on the train that would take her to David’s house because she needed him like she hadn’t needed him in years. David is always the reasonable one, is always the one who makes her see things that she can’t see, but he wasn’t there. It was only Leo and Mary Margaret, and as much as Emma loves Mary Margaret, she couldn’t understand why Emma was so hurt by Killian lying to her.

It’s not what the lie was, though that is a pretty big deal. It’s the fact that the lie happened.

Over and over again.

She gave him her heart in all of the shattered and glued back together pieces, and as careful as he is with it, he still managed to add a crack or two.

How could she have ever expected otherwise?

Why did she?

Why does she still want him to be the one to help her keep holding it together?

David had eventually come home and seen her talking to Mary Margaret, and somehow, he just knew that she needed him to hold her for a little while. He did, cupping the back of her head with his hand and not placating her by telling her that everything was okay or that she shouldn’t be angry or anything else that she wasn’t quite ready to hear yet.

There were a lot of things she wasn’t ready to hear that day.

“Do you want to go for a walk with me sometime today?” Ruby asks, and Emma breathes out on a sigh, her stomach swirling in a messy cloud of anxiousness over the fact that Ruby has finally decided that Emma has to talk. She’s been waiting for it. She’s also been expecting a much more abrasive conversation. “I know that your legs probably still feel like shit from that crazed run you went on, but I feel like a walk would be good. Fresh air, exercise, maybe I will even stop and buy two dozen donuts. You know, really splurge and keep them to ourselves and not let Graham have any.”

Emma chuckles, and this time she’s kind of glad for it. It’s not a big belly laugh, but it’s something.

Baby steps are better than nothing.

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a walk?

“Nope. It’s good to get our legs moving, work some of this laziness out of you. Plus, I fully plan on making us walk the full perimeter of Central Park, so we’ll have earned those donuts. If we haven’t died first because that’s a huge ass park.”

“You do realize that Bryant park is closer?”

“And that’s exactly why we’re not going there.” Ruby squeezes her again, pretty much hugging her, and it may actually make Emma’s heart swell. “C’mon, Ems. Indulge me for an afternoon, okay? It’s not like you to lay in bed like this. I don’t like it.”

It’s not. She’s already thought that. This isn’t her. She’s not the type of girl who lays around in bed because she’s upset that she and her boyfriend got into a fight, if that’s even what this can be called. There wasn’t exactly any fighting, even if her mind has managed to create the illusion that there was. Honestly, she barely let him get any words in besides his explanation of what happened. And she’s not the type of girl who cries and eats ice cream and wonders how life will ever go on.

There’s nothing wrong with doing that, but it’s not her.

And she hasn’t cried. That’s beside the point, though.

“It’s really comfortable in here, okay?”

“You’re moping.”

“Then let me mope.”

Ruby sighs and hugs her a little closer.

“Emma, I know that I might not seem like the most emotionally mature person at times, but I’ve been in a steady relationship for a long time. I know that things like this happen, and I know that after lying in bed for nearly three days now, you need to get your ass up. You’re not going to find any solutions at the bottom of that chip bag.”

“I hate Graham for helping you be so emotionally stable. You used to hate love.”

“It’s all the good fucking. I’m telling you. Knocked some sense right into me.”

Emma barks out a laugh and completely rolls over on her stomach, letting Ruby’s arms release her as she snorts into the pillow. “You are the worst,” she mumbles, her voice muffled by the material.

“I am the best.” There’s a slap against her ass that has Emma jumping and rolling over again so that she nearly knocks over her laptop. “Now, go brush your teeth, put on some deodorant, and change clothes so we can take over the city with our powerwalk like the rich old ladies we’ve always aspired to be.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

It’s an actual blazing inferno outside, the heat curling up from the concrete to practically burn through Emma’s sneakers, and it makes her really not want to be out on this walk. But she knows that the faster she walks, the faster she can go back home and retreat back to her room. All she really wants is to go back to her room.

And get under the shades of the trees in the park. September needs to end and allow October to roll in so that she won’t sweat every time she steps outside. This is ridiculous.

It’s probably all of the salt and vinegar leaving her pores. What a thought to have.

If only eating strawberries or kale or something was a good emotional comfort food.

It’s a little over a mile to the park, and as awful as the entrance is all full of tourists and street vendors and people trying to sell her a guide to the city like she doesn’t know it’s on a grid system, Emma is thankful just to have the slight breeze and be away from the masses of people. She won’t admit it, not out loud, but Ruby was right to get her to get up and get moving. When she’s lounging around, her mind wanders to things that it shouldn’t wander to, and at least now she’s able to put all of her focus on putting one foot in front of the other and watching all of the people around her.

Why pay for Broadway tickets when you can watch people in Central Park?

The air-conditioning. Yep. The air-conditioning.

They walk for an hour, just a casual stroll that Emma keeps thinking should be a run, but the heat of the day becomes too much for her, her heartbeat going wild, and as soon as she sees an unoccupied bench in the shade, she makes a run for it, leaving Ruby to catch up from behind. It’s a bit ridiculous, but this is a golden opportunity to allow herself to sit down and breathe without anyone bothering her since most people in the area are concentrated around the boathouse and not the little beaten path to the side of it.

“I hate summer,” Ruby groans when she reaches the bench. “It’s the worst. I don’t care that it’s when all of the good sports happen. It’s too damn hot.”

Emma bends down to rest her elbows on her knees and cradle her head in her palms. “It was your idea to come out here.”

“Yeah, well, you were depressing me.”

She doesn’t say anything back, taking a moment to breathe and stare down at the laces on her shoes. One of them is about to come untied, but she can’t bother to fix it. There’s no point if she plans on never moving from this spot. The sweat that’s trickling down her back is going to keep her glued here anyways.

How the hell did she run fifteen miles the other day? What kind of rage-fueled adrenaline was that?

“Killian lied to me about his shoulder.”

The words come out without her permission. She doesn’t even remember thinking them. Her mind was blank and then all of the sudden they were there, escaping from her tongue and her lips and becoming part of the air that’s surrounding she and Ruby.

Emma is still staring at the ground. Her hand has also unconsciously found the chain around her neck, the one with Killian’s mom ring that he gave her as a good luck charm. She hasn’t been able to take it off. She wanted to, wanted to take away that reminder of him, but she couldn’t do it.

Killian wanted her to have one of his most prized possessions, and as mad as she is at him right now, she can’t take it off.  It means too much to her to have been given something like this.

“He lied to me,” she continues, taking a deep breath, though she’s not sure if it’s from the exercise or the emotions running a race in her mind and wearing down her nerves. “And I get it. He was scared. He – ”

“He didn’t want you to think less of him for being broken.”

“How do you know that?”

“Mary Margaret told me. You know she can’t keep a secret.”

Emma chuckles, but it’s a weak one, before lifting her head back up so that all of her blood can return to its rightful place. She was starting to get worried it wouldn’t. All she can really focus on is how cool the metal of the ring is against her stomach.

“Unlike you have apparently become, I am not the best with my emotions,” Emma continues. All of the words she’s been holding up are bubbling up to the surface and ready to spill over and run rampant. “I’m pretty shitty with them, but Killian made me feel comfortable, you know? When we’re together, I do pretty okay sharing all of the broken parts of me. He knows a lot of stuff that not even you know, and I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we trusted each other enough to share the brokenness. And trust me, we have a lot of it. We’ve had…we’ve had pretty shitty lives at some points, and I am so mad at him for repeatedly not telling me that he was hurt and for not being smart enough to stop playing and get some help. It’s not that big of an injury, but it could have been. He loves that stupid game, and he’s going to lose it if he keeps doing things like this.”

Ruby reaches down and grabs Emma’s hand and wraps her fingers around her palm and squeezes so that Emma has to look up at the sky to stop the tears from finally falling. This is dumb. This is all so dumb, and every bit of it could have been avoided.

“I think though,” Emma continues, still blinking away the tears, “past the lying and this gut-wrenching fear that he’s going to lie to me about other things too, I’m mostly hurt that he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me. I love him so much, Rubes. He probably has no idea how much I love him because I barely know how to express it, and, but I don’t know how to fully trust him if this is going to be a pattern.”

Ruby’s sighs, and Emma swears that she feels it in her own bones. Her heartrate has calmed down, something next to normal, and she no longer feels like she’s going to throw up. She was kind of feeling like that for a little while, and the guy sitting in the grass fifteen feet away from them reading a book in peace probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

“You’ve got to talk to him.”

“I don’t – ”

“You don’t want to right now,” Ruby finishes for her, and Emma twists her head to the side to look over at the lake instead of at Ruby. “I know. I got that. You have every right to be pissed off at him. You have every right to kick and scream and feel anger so deep in your belly that it aches when you breathe. It doesn’t matter what he lied to you about. If it hurt you, it hurt you. Case closed.”

“I know but – ”

“Nope, nope, you’re going to let me finish. I am on a roll, and you’re going to crush my momentum.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Ruby squeezes her hand again before letting go. “Killian should not have lied to you. That’s just…I know we all tell little white lies, but this is obviously different. He shouldn’t have lied to you or to anyone. He should have trusted the people who he loves with the things he’s struggling with, but I don’t think this was about him not trusting you. He didn’t tell his family about any of it either.”

“They knew about the accident.”

“To be fair, Liam was there, and I think there’s no way Elsa couldn’t find out.”

“Semantics.”

“Very important ones,” Ruby points out. “I don’t – I’m not trying to tell you how to feel. I’m just saying that Killian didn’t do this out of malicious intent. He’s not Walsh, and he’s certainly not Neal. He is not spending his time trying to bring you down because he can’t handle being with a successful woman. I honestly think he’s scared of losing you and of losing the game, and that can make people do things that they wouldn’t usually do. You may not realize it, but I think you have become just as important to Killian as baseball is – if not more so. I know all about that ring you keep messing with and how big of a deal it is. Honey, he wouldn’t have given that to you if he didn’t love you. I’m not saying that fixes everything because it doesn’t. You have to talk to him and let yourself trust him if you think he’s worth trusting.”

Ruby echoes the words Killian said to her in Elsa’s office, the words that she repeated to Mary Margaret when she was trying to explain what was going on. They’re right. They’re all right, and she hates it. She doesn’t even know why. She should be thrilled that everyone seems to think that Killian didn’t set out to hurt her.

She thinks that too.

But Ruby is right in the fact that he did hurt her and right in the fact that she should be allowed to feel how she feels. How could she not with everything that’s happened to her in her life?

But she’s not thrilled.

And it’s dumb. Really, really dumb. Because she should want to get up from this bench and run to Killian’s apartment. It’s not far, maybe another mile walk, but she has absolutely emotionally exhausted herself to the point that talking about this more would be too much for her.

Talking everything out is still new to her, and when the stakes are this high, that pestering feeling that it’s all going to go wrong is continually building. Because what if Killian realizes that she’s more broken than he thinks too she is, and it’s all too much to deal with? Their relationship seems so simple on the surface and yet underneath it all…

Oh fuck.

Emma loves Killian so damn much, more than anything as he would say, but being together has never been simple. It’s always been a series of guesses and choices and an underlying hope that things would work out. She allowed herself to have that hope from the beginning, when she barely knew anything about him and when he’d fucked up with her already, and she should allow herself to have that same faith now that she genuinely knows so much of what makes up the ever-evolving person who is Killian Jones.

Tomorrow. She’ll talk to him tomorrow. Her stomach is still in too many knots for her to even think about seeing his face today and seeing the smile that always makes everything inside of her feel like it is floating on cloud nine.

Tomorrow. It has to be tomorrow because then she’s got to leave for Boston and Detroit, and she’s not waiting a week.

And she almost desperately needs to know how he’s doing. He’s got to be hurting, and she knows that she added to that.

“Can we go get those donuts now, Rubes?”

“Absolutely.”

The walk home seems swifter than the walk there, and it’s likely because Emma isn’t weighed down by the heaviness of a lot of things that are on her heart. Or maybe it’s because she does have donuts to look forward to. Today is going to be her last day of self-indulgence where she allows herself to mope and eat like all of the junk food in the world is going to disappear tomorrow. Because tomorrow she’s going to start eating actually balanced meals with things like vitamins and nutrients – most of the time – and she’ll hopefully stop feeling so sorry for herself.

That’s a bit of a gamble.

Ruby still makes a point of distracting her for the afternoon, obviously sensing that Emma is two seconds away from running away to her room and never emerging again, and while she contemplates that a few times throughout the day, especially when Graham comes home and kisses Ruby hello, she doesn’t.

In fact, she’s the last one awake and the only one to stay out in the living room. The only light that’s on comes from the TV, a tennis match still going on late in the night, and maybe it’s the lack of sleep she’s gotten or maybe it’s that feeling that happens when you’re alone at night and your mind starts playing tricks on you, but something gives her the courage to pull out her phone and text the person she’s been thinking about all day.

Emma: How’s your arm?

The bubble pops up immediately.

Killian: It hurts, mostly in the mornings, but not too bad. Lots of Ibuprofen and ice.

Emma: That’s good.

Emma: Not that it hurts. That it’s not too bad.

Killian: Yeah, I’m glad it’s not as bad as it has been.

Her heart may actually break a bit more at the thought of him being hurt all of this time. She’s been so mad at him, so frustrated with him for not sharing it with her, and she’s barely had any time to think about all of the pain that he’s been going through. Shitty move on her part.

It’s one thing to get injured and still be able to go about your daily life. It’s another when your livelihood depends on your body.

Killian: You should still use the tickets tomorrow. Take Ruby or David. I can get you an upgrade to sit closer since I’m not going with you now.

I don’t want to use them with anyone but you, she types, a little pathetically.

She doesn’t actually send that message. She can’t muster up the courage no matter how much truth is in the statement. Wine or whiskey or, hell, tequila are really tempting at this point to make herself feel a little less – upset, conflicted, hopeful even. But drowning sorrows in alcohol is no way to solve a problem, even if she’s done it before. It’ll only make her feel worse.

Emma: Can we talk tomorrow?

That text is riskier, means more, and is far scarier, and yet it’s the one she sends.

Killian: I’d like that.

Emma: Me too.

[blue-honeycomb]

Escape Artist: Chapter 1 [Aizawa x Reader]

Decided to play around with this for a bit before going back to my other stuff.

Masterlist

Prologue | Part 1

---

The Escape Artist stared at the television screen with incomprehension, blinking once, twice, until a small hand smacked her dead center in the face. The force was enough to shake her from her thoughts and she cast a sidewards glare at the little brat sitting casually beside her.

Big, off-white eyes stared unflinchingly into her own, equally white, featureless face twisting into some form of expression that was lost on her. Luckily, the little hellion's hair was prone to flashing colors with their emotions, so she at least has some idea as to what they wanted. Even if that idea was vague at best.

"How was I supposed to know there was a whole pack of heros right there?" She huffed, casting her eyes back to the news special broadcasting her latest anti-kidnapping kidnapping with concerningly clear footage. Like, crystal clear HD, not some fuzzy security camera but media quality definition; the kind that got you recognized.

On the screen was a video of her popping into existence in a police station not even 3 yards from where a group of heros and police officers were finishing up an interview, setting the child she'd brought in a chair as he chewed on the mochi she'd thought to bring with her for just such a purpose. As though in slow motion, she could see her screen self whip around and suddenly freeze, staring directly at the heros, and consequencely the cameras, before disappearing once more. Honestly, it was pretty comical, and apparently, a good portion of the in studio reporters seemed to think so too.

"That," She pointed at the screen for emphasis while leveling the yellow flashing, blank-faced little shit a glare. "Was not intentional, no matter what you little misfits seem to think." From the shadow of the color flashing cretin popped another one, this one gray haired and black eyed, grinning widely at her with his wickedly sharp teeth.

"Don't make up shit just cuz you can't understand me. Don't think I'm not on to you, shark boy." Not that any of her brats ever listened to a thing she said anyway. The only one who ever seemed to try was Spitter, but that was because the boy couldn't say no to anyone ever, so it was never satisfying. Hard to feel victorious about getting your way when it took years of abuse to make the person (a little fucking boy) willing to heel on command. Thinking about how'd she'd found the little guy made her stomach turn.

Moving on before she breaks something.

Shark brat said something about hero costumes to Whiteout Brat and a lot of gesturing took place, as well as a good bit of yelling. Thankfully they lived far enough underground to avoid being hear by any passerbys. Escape Artist turned away while they were distracted and let them entertain themselves while she thought about what she'd just seen.

It was the first time the public had seen conclusive evidence of her existence outside of a few shitty grocery store video feeds, and the entirety of Japan seemed to be eating it up. Words like vigilante and uncatchable were being tossed around, as well as theories about teleportation quirks and being a greiving mother seeking vengeance. All these things would have made her snort in amusement had it been even a few months ago. But now? Now she couldn't afford to get caught or have a hoard of glory-hounds on her trail. Too many mouths to feed, for one, and secondly, too many little bodies following her when she wasn't looking. Anything could happen with the added variable of nosy superpower enhanced dogooders.

The problem with working with homeless, traumatized children is that after you've taken care of them for a while they come to expect you to actually take care of them. As in, not just feeding them occasionally and giving them a place to crash, but actually filling that parent shaped whole in their lives and taking over all the responsibilities that comes with it. Like protection, love and trust. And time. Especially time. So much more than she has to spare.

So they've taken to following her when she's not watching closely enough, and that terrifies her because she can give them love and trust in abundance, but protection is something she just can't provide. She simply isn't strong enough to take them with her everywhere she goes, let alone into a situation that may one day be her last.

Speaking of situations.

It was time to go out and get more food. While nothing went bad in her inventory, thank God, it never actually stayed full with how many mouths needed feeding everyday. Shark boy alone could put away half his body weight in a single sitting if given the chance, and even that's got nothing on Bull or Hot Shot. Honestly, and though Escape Artist would never say it aloud, Bull's vigorous appetite may have been the reason she was abandoned in the first place. She just had to eat so much to function that even with the triweekly raids Escape Artist could barely keep up with the ever growing demand.

And then there's Hot Shot. Nicely put, he was a rather enthusiastic young boy in possession of a very destructive, fuel-exhaustive quirk neither she nor he had any idea how to train. It wasn't until he'd joined her merry little band that she'd learned the location of every clothing store in the city. Every single one of them.

Her life sometimes, she swears.

There was a shattering sound in the designated kitchen area, followed by a high pitched screech that fell somewhere between a frog croak and a chirp. Not even a second later the sound of footsteps darting through the tunnels at frankly ridiculous speeds creeked overhead, followed closely by the wall rattling thud of Bull chasing right after.

Escape Artist sighed, running a hand through her hair and pulling slightly. Beside her, Shark boy leapt to his feet in a dead run to go watch the drama unfold with unholy glee, Whiteout following at a slightly more moderate pace. Not even 8 in the morning and already the chaos had begun.

Her head thud quietly against the back of the couch. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

---

Escape Artist was more than a bit concerned by what had happened on her way back home, but she supposed it could have been worse. For one thing, she wasn't dead, and for another, neither was the man she'd smacked headfirst into (or more accurately, he'd smacked face first into her). Unfortunately for the man though, the impact had left him notably unconscious and maybe a little bruised around the nose and forehead. In short, she done fucked up and this time it didn't involve another mouth to feed… she hoped. She didn't know if she had the patience needed to take care of a full grown man on top of the 8 kids at home and the 2 feral cretins that visited occasionally.

It'd been a simple case of bad luck all around, honestly. She'd just finished robbing the local Walmart (yes, it still exists and she still doesn't know how to feel about that months on) and was coming out of ID when she's suddenly been thrown to the ground by a speeding black mass all but flying through the darkened alley. Her first thought upon getting over her shock was to thank whatever was watching over her that night it wasn't a car. Her second was to fret over whoever she'd just gotten killed.

Luckily, it hadn't been a car and the stranger had survived the encounter. So, all was good in her books, besides the obvious part where the guy was laying unconscious in an alley and sporting an obvious hero getup in the shadier part of this district. If that wasn't asking for a knife in the back than she didn't know what was.

So now here she was, sitting across from the unmoving lump of man, chin in hand and elbows firmly planted on her thighs. She'd covered him up with a blanket from her inventory some time ago to keep him at least somewhat warm as the night gradually grew colder around them. She didn't think she'd manage to get the thing back before the guy was up and trying to kick her ass, but Hot Shot needed to learn to control his flames anyway and maybe going coverless for a while was just the motivation he needed to do so. She pointedly didn't think about the extra comforters she'd grabbed because she knew the first wouldn't last three nights in the little shit's care.

She blinked slowly, eyes roaming over what little bit of the man she could make out from under the blanket. Long, dark hair curling over the blanket and his heavily stubbled face (she'd picked the wild mass up off the filthy ground because ew), long lashes and a narrow, masculine face. He was attractive for sure, though the dark lines around his eyes, nose and forehead made him seem almost sickly pale in the unflattering street light. What she noticed most though was the peeks of sleek, firm muscle that the fluffy covers, ridiculously huge scarf and baggy clothing couldn't hide.

She was a woman with damn human needs. It'd been at least 3 years since she's gotten any and she was long overdue. She felt strongly that she should be able to appreciate this man's undeniable beauty so long as she kept her hands to herself and didn't do anything creepy like take pictures or some shit. She blatantly ignored the little voice whispering about how equally creepy it was to watch someone sleep without their consent.

It was also creepy how the observe function of her quirk let her learn a few tidbits about the man without any conscious effort, but for the most part she ignored the notifications hovering around the man all together. It wasn't like she'd ever meet the guy again after this, unless he was trying to arrest her of course. Either way, she doubted learning this guy's name or whatever was really worth invading his privacy anymore than her mere existence did. She'd like to think she has some standards.

In her uncharacteristic moment of distraction she failed to notice the subtle shift of the man's head before he went eeriely still. It wasn't until she was shifting to get more comfortable and noticed that a section of his hair was misplaced that she realized her mistake.

It happened too fast for her to properly react. With a quiet that belied the strength behind the attack, the man launched himself into her personal space and had her wrapped head to toe in the weird scarf he had with him. On instinct she tried to open her ID, but with a cold chill of realization discovered she couldn't get it to activate. In fact, her whole world seemed to suddenly swirl on its axis and for the first time since she'd come to this place her mind blanked with true, mortal terror.

His eyes glowed deep, sinister red against the shadows spread over his handsome face, dark hair whipping above his head like a dark, inhuman halo. Those muscles she'd been admiring just moments ago were suddenly the weapons of intimidation they were meant to be, something that made her heart race and quake with fear.

And her body. Maybe even worse than the sudden influx of terror was the sudden aknowledgement of her body's long forgotten functions. Where once she was satisfied she was now hollow, the movement of long unused organs felt like insects crawling though her body, scratching and nipping as they went.

Suddenly, the world was not just a thing that could be walked away from with a single though and a armful of goods. For the first time since she'd opened her eyes in that alleyway nearly a year ago, it was just her, the world and all the dangers that came with it staring her down with burning red eyes.

For the first time since she received her quirk she was well and truly alive.

"Escape Artist, was it."

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

I love your writing. roger has PTSD from his abusive father that told him he was never good enough. He has never told anyone, when he gets to Queen Freddie, John & Brian start to notice something about rog when ever they touch or are to close to him he flinched away & they can hear him crying some nights, one day Brian gets into a fight with him and starts yelling roger gets a flashback of his father hitting him during fights and breaks down cry Brian stops to comfort him with hugs and kisses

Content Warning: Child abuse

Roger threw his drum sticks down, arms flying up into the air. He had on a mocking expression, a irritated smile on his face. “Brian, what the bloody hell is wrong with you today?” he yelled, having had it with Brian’s attitude and performance in the studio today.

Brian rolled his eyes, shrugging. This was Roger’s third explosion of the day and it wasn’t even 4pm yet. “Nothing much. What’s wrong with you?” he quipped back.

“Me? You’re the one all over the goddamn place. We’re wasting tape here! Can you get yourself together, for the love of god,” Roger seethed, collecting his drumsticks off the floor with an annoyed sigh.

Brian just shook his head, taking in a deep breath. Maybe he was making mistakes, but so was everyone else, including Roger. For some reason Roger chose today to make Brian his punching bag. He usually took it like a champ, but he was tired today. His hangover from a night of partying was still lingering, a slight ache in his joints. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back his punches.

“Can we just try again? Please?” Brian pleaded, fingers finding their place on the fret, pence ready to pluck on the other hand. He wished he could make time move faster. Or muzzle Roger.

“Only if you’re not gonna fuck this up!” Roger said, shaking his head to get some hair out of his face.

Meanwhile, Freddie and John just listened and watched, not knowing what to do. Roger was in a pissy mood and there was no rationalizing with a pissy Roger. You just had to leave him alone to finish his tantrums most times. The two were beginning to feel like that time was approaching.

Freddie looked around awkwardly before cautiously saying, “Ahem. Well...1...2...1, 2, 3, 4,”

They started out fine. Freddie was hitting the notes, John keeping beat, Brian in key. It was Roger who messed up, playing one the cymbals far too early. He let out a frustrated groan, barking out a ‘Fuck!’ before throwing his sticks once again.

Freddie had enough of that. Time to let the toddler work it out himself. He raised his hand up, letting everyone know it was time for a break. They (or at least somebody) kept messing up and there was no point in purposefully wasting tape. They’d meet back up in an hour or so.

John couldn’t get out of the room fast enough, trailed by Freddie who shot Brian a questioning look when he made no attempt to leave. Brian shook his head, mouthing “I got this”

Once the door was closed and they were alone, Brian walked over to his seething friend. Obviously something was up with him. Something was bothering Roger and he was taking it out on the rest of them.

He dragged a chair over to Roger’s drum kit where Roger still sat, breathing hard, and sat down, crossing his legs.

“What’s the matter, mate?”

“Nothing,” Roger immediately answered, rubbing the tip of his shoe into the carpet.

“I think you know that’s bullshit,” Brian said, an eyebrow raised.

“Well, it’s the truth. I’m just tired of everyone fucking up. That’s all,”Roger spat back, standing up and kicking his stool out of the way before walking away from his kit. He crossed his arms, staring out of the recording booth with furrowed eyebrows. 

Brian quietly sighed, expecting no less from the Roger. When he got into his feelings, there was hell to pay. Even if you didn’t do anything to deserve it. 

Brian spun around in his chair to look at Roger, saying, “We don’t have to get into the nitty gritty of it. Can you just..help me understand what’s got you so worked up?”

“Nothing! Nothing’s got me worked up! It’s you all pissing me off. Now can you fucking go and leave me alone? That would make me feel better. You getting the fuck away from me,” Roger exploded, blue eyes wild as they bore into Brian.

Brian shrunk back but nodded. Fair enough. Today was a bad day. It happened. Fine by him. He got up, walking past Roger who was breathing in deeply, heading to the door to leave. Get some food and forget about the blond for a bit. 

His hand was on the doorknob when he heard the tiniest, “Dad?”

Brian looked back, confused as to why Roger would say that. His heart dipped when he saw Roger.

His eyes were still gigantic, but with fear this time. Tears were spilling from them, his whole entire body shaking as he took a step back. 

Again, in that tiny, terrified voice, Roger said, “D-Dad? What are you doing?”

Brian looked around himself and then at Roger, utterly at a loss for words. Was this some weird joke? Roger was a funny guy, but this wasn’t. Whatever this was.

Roger took another step back before falling onto the ground, continuing his rush to get away from something Brian couldn’t see. His crying grew more erratic, flinching at every movement, hands going up to cover- no- protect his face.

“Dad, p-please. Please. You smell like beer. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” he curled up, sobbing so hard he’d wheeze to catch his breath.

Brian sniffed his shirt, his pores reeking of the alcohol from the night before. 

He still didn’t understand any of this. But he couldn’t just watch his friend go through whatever this was. 

He approached, causing Roger to start screaming for help, shoving himself into the farthest corner he could find. Roger was a full grown man, but he’d never look so small before. 

“Please! I’ve been good! I’ve been good! I’ve been good!” he screeched, legs kicking out in front of him. 

Brian approached slower, hands up in front of him, whispering loud enough for Roger to here, “Hey, hey. Roger, it’s me, Brian, your friend. Your friend. I’m not gonna hurt you. You know I’d never hurt you. Never in a million years. You’re safe. I won’t let anything touch you, Rog, I promise,”

He was finally within arms reach of Roger, who kept crying, but stopped flailing. Brian brought his hand slowly onto Roger’s shoulder, a feather light touch that made the drummer wail. The sound was horrible, breaking Brian’s heart into a million pieces, his hand immediately being retracted. 

“I’m sorry, Roger. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. Roger, I’m so sorry,” Brian whispered but Roger didn’t seem to listen, squeezing himself tighter into the corner.

Clearly, Roger wasn’t there right now. Whatever this was, he was far off in the recesses of his mind. He needed to be grounded. Something Brian was fairly good at because of his depression. He prayed it’d work.

“Roger. We’re in a recording studio right now in Munich, Germany. It’s September. We’re both on the floor, right now. You’re reliving some memories, I think. But they’re just memories, Rog. You’re safe where you are. Your dad isn’t here. It’s just you and me, Brian. You know I’ll protect you,” 

It took a few minutes of Brian slowly talking to bring Roger down. Roger’s eyes seemed to finally focus on Brian instead of the empty space before him. The tears stopped. Clarity took over his face. 

Roger looked around for a moment before looking at Brian. Without hesitating, he launched himself into Brian’s lap, face burying into his neck. Brian wrapped his arms around the trembling Roger, rubbing his back soothingly with one hand, and petting Roger’s head with the other.

“I got you, Rog. You’re safe,”

Roger was crying again, but this time from relief.

“It felt so real,” he blubbered, holding onto Brian so tight it hurt. 

“I know, Rog. It’s okay now. Just breathe,”

“I could see and smell him. I could feel his hands. I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t!”

Brian rocked them as he listened to Roger, affirming everything he said, every feeling he had.

Roger was able to come down from his adrenaline high, but refused to let go of Brian. He had no idea what had just happened and was too scared to let go. What if it happened again?

The door opened, making Roger jump, not too far though with Brian holding onto him steadfast.

Freddie and John walked in, puzzled looks on their faces.

“Looks like you two made up,” Freddie commented.

Brian shot him a look but ushered the two over to join them on the floor. Freddie and John noticed Rogers splotchy, tear streaked face, sweat matted hair and shaky frame and understood. Something happened and now it was time to comfort him. Questions could be asked later.

The floor of them laid on the floor, hugging and cuddling Roger, stroking his cheeks and massaging his shoulders. The three of them got Roger calm enough for him to drift off, body exhausted after going through a flashback.

Roger felt so warm and safe that when he woke up to Brian, trailed by the others, carrying him to his car, he just made himself comfy in his arms, falling back asleep.

He woke up again, hours later, in his bed and still in Brian’s gentle embrace.

There’d be so much to talk about tomorrow. So much to explain and try to comprehend. But for now, he was alive, in one piece and protected by a curly haired angel. He nuzzled into Brian’s chest, the tides of slumber stealing his conciousness away.

[hiddendreamer67]

Amanda’s Discovery 9

Summary: Logan questions the human on why he was let go.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 |Part 10

Logan’s grip tightened around the strap of his bag, his nails digging into the hard fabric as the borrower fought to maintain an outward stoic appearance. This was crazy. Here he was, having willingly revealed himself to a human yet again, and now said human was looking at him expectantly. Logan was at least thankful she was staying put across the room for now. He couldn’t handle the threat of having a human so close again.

No, this was much better- Amanda was sat on the floor, and Logan was stood upon a shelf of books above the desk. Strangely enough, up on the bookshelf like this with the desk directly below, Logan actually found himself looking down upon the human. The perspective certainly helped ease his mind slightly.

Logan took a deep breath. “Why did you let me go?”

The human’s smile fell, and Logan began to fret that perhaps he had angered her already. “Wait, what?”

“What are you planning?” Logan changed his method of questioning slightly. “Why did you release me?”

“Oh, um...I’m not planning anything?” Amanda sounded confused herself. “I mean, I’d like to be your friend, but ah, no evil plans here.”

Logan could almost roll his eyes. Of course she would not admit to her plans so willingly; but even after several days of supervision, Logan himself could not guess her motive. Amanda had done as she promised, not leaving any notes nor trying to interact with Logan in any way. The radio silence was almost more frightening than the constant written communications.

Amanda shifted, looking uncomfortable as Logan squinted his eyes at her, trying to understand her intentions. And there it was again- her actions made no logical sense! Was Amanda truly insinuating that Logan made her nervous? Should she be made aware just how intimidating her own stature could be?

“You cannot fool me.” Logan assured her, hoping it was the truth. “You humans are full of dirty tricks.”

The two looked at each other for a moment. Amanda’s gaze was unreadable, and it caused Logan’s heart to pound in his chest with a sense of anxiety for the unknown.

“...okay, well I really don’t have any tricks.” Amanda looked around as if searching for advice. “Sooooo, I don’t really know how you want to proceed with that…”

“I do not believe you.” Logan retorted.

“And how exactly am I supposed to convince you otherwise?” Amanda huffed. “I’ve been as nice as I can. Sure it’d be easy to prove I’m evil, but how can I convince you that I’m not? I mean, heck, how do I know you’re not lying or tricking or whatever?”

Logan blinked, tilting his head at the accusation. “Why would I lie?”

“Exactly!” Amanda began to look excited. “So, do you see my point?”

“I don’t follow.” Logan frowned slightly.

Amanda looked at him for a moment, reading his expression. When it became clear he was telling the truth she looked down at the floor and let out a long terse breath of air through her nose.

Logan winced, watching the action wearily. It was clear from her body language that Amanda was beginning to get irritated. This was certainly not ideal as a frustrated or enraged human could be quite the danger to any borrower in the vicinity.

However, when Amanda brought her head back up, Logan was surprised to find another emotion in her facial features. She seemed upset, almost as though her irritation were making her sad rather than angry.

“Okay, how about this?” Amanda suggested, her voice softer. “I’m an open book. Ask me whatever you want, and hopefully I can prove to you that I don’t have some ulterior motive or something.”

It was clear Logan would not get a plan out of her directly, so he gave a small nod. Besides, he still had many more questions for the human. “Very well. How do you know the term ‘borrower’?”

“Oh, right.” Amanda appeared thoughtful for a moment. “Well, I suppose the most basic way to explain it is that there’s a children’s book series about you guys. Mary Norton must have met one of you or something- she’s the author- or I guess she made a really lucky guess.” Amanda gave a slight chuckle.

After realizing Logan was not laughing as well, Amanda awkwardly cleared her throat and continued. “Sorry. Ah, anyways, at this point borrowers are mostly thought of as some sort of fantasy creature, but there’s a group of us who have always hoped that borrowers were real.”

Logan tensed, adjusting his footing and getting ready to run. “You’re borrower catchers.” Logan proclaimed harshly, beginning to connect the dots.

Amanda’s eyes widened significantly. “Oh, nonononono!” She quickly corrected. “No, oh geez, I promise, nothing like that. Or at least, I’m not that. We’re just fascinated with the idea of creatures of all sizes existing, anywhere from giants to tiny people. But just existing, not keeping! No catching here, I swear.”

“I have no reason to believe you.” Logan took a few large steps back, keeping a careful eye on the girl who still had yet to move. “You’ve been attempting to lure me out of the walls for weeks.”

“Okay, when you put it like that it sounds...bad.” Amanda admitted. “But don’t you think if I was going to catch you, I would have done it already?”

Logan paused, just a step away from the secret entrance hidden flush with the surface of the bookcase. He glanced at it briefly.

“I mean, I’m sorry to be that guy, but I could have stopped you the other night, Logan.” Amanda continued. “But I didn’t, because keeping you here would be wrong. I’d love to talk to you and get to know you and all that, but I want to do that on your terms. It would just feel weird if you were uncomfortable or trapped.”

Logan thought about the truth of her first statement. He could not deny it; he had been completely at her mercy then, and that was what he had been confused about ever since. That night had been the perfect opportunity for him to become nothing more than a human’s captive, a pet for Amanda’s entertainment. Instead she had let him go, and even now continued to keep her distance.

“What would you do if I left right now?” Logan asked, his gaze flitting from his exit back to her expression. She looked hesitant, and even disappointed.

“I wouldn’t stop you.” Amanda insisted, her tone edging on pleading. “Logan, really, you’re free to do as you wish. If you left yeah I’d be disappointed but I’d...I dunno, probably try to get some more homework done?”

Logan decided to test this claim. Without another word he dashed into the entrance, gone in the blink of an eye. Panting, Logan retreated further down the hall, far enough to be out of reach but close enough to continue listening in.

[agent-hood]

Blue Monday, ch.2

It was frightening how easy Parker settled into staying with Harry. After a brief argument of chivalry vs. comfort vs. convenience, it was decided that since Parker only slept about four hours maximum anyways, Harry would continue to use the bed as normal while she would use it while he was away ‘at work’.

Unable to resist, she asked him what he did and laughed to herself as he sputtered for only a moment before answering that he was a tailor’s apprentice. It would have been cute if he didn’t immediately turn around and ask what her job was (especially since she had mentioned that it was what qualified her to help him with his).

“I work for a foreign diplomat, but there’s currently some issues going on so until further notice the US office is closed and I’m without a job.”

“Then... what are you doing here in England?”

“Uh... my friends.” She said quickly, thankful for the one improv class she took freshman year in college and that her actual job made her so comfortable with lying.

“They bought me a ticket as a sort of ‘forced vacation’. Only they’re kind of idiots so the return date is six months instead of six weeks. It’s fine though, I just need to find a quick job in the meantime though that doesn’t ask too many questions. Have to keep my security clearance.”

Thankfully pre-agent Harry was fairly gullible, or she was just a better liar than she thought, because he helped her compile a list of potential places she should look at over breakfast. That had been another argument she quickly won, the scent of food she had taken the liberty of making winning over Harry’s need to play host.

“Then there’s the green grocer down the way...” he mumbled, chewing on the end of pencil he was using to circle various ‘want ads’ in the paper as he absentmindedly fed Hampton the rest of his bacon with the unoccupied hand.

“Well I think we have a good start at least. Ready to get going?” Parker said as she finished the dishes. Normally, she would have no problem with the process, but it was a little different when she couldn’t talk about her past experience, or where she came from, or when she came from. Thankfully she had Harry there to at least walk her through this part of the process otherwise she’d starve before her six months were up.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for him to be off-lead?” Harry asked as he locked the door behind them, eyeing Hampton warily as if he were afraid he’d sprint at any moment.

“Oh Harry, soon you will learn.” Parker sang as she followed him into the street. “Hampton is certifiably the best boy ever. Never walks off, doesn’t make a huge mess minus the drool, and he sings with you in the shower. Plus,” she said, hefting up Hampton into her arms like a baby. “Look at that face. How can you look into those eyes and doubt him~?”

“Well now I’m wondering if we shouldn’t be looking for jobs more geared towards manual labor, how much does he weigh? 15 stone? And you just pick him up like a baby.”

“A mothers love knows no weakness.” She said matter-of-factly as thy approached the first place. She plopped Hampton down and asked Harry to wish her luck as she went in... only for it to not work out. So she tried again with the next place, and the next, and the one after that. Methodically they made their way down the list, until they sat morosely in a cafe, lethargically stirring their drinks and cursing their fortune.

“It may just take some time is all. You shouldn’t get discouraged by today.” Harry said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder in what was clearly an uncomfortable gesture.

“You’re right. I’ll try again tomorrow. Now c’mon, it’s getting dark and tonight’s your first lesson.” Harry quickly finished his tea and paid the bill as Parker walked out to the street, lights starting to come on and fight against the quickly darkening sky.

“So I’m thinking someplace small, with just a handful of people and music that isn’t too... hey what’s that?” She trailed off, distracted by a flashing neon sign coming from a nearby alley.

“Hmm? Oh uh- Parker- I wouldn’t... maybe we should just keep going.” Harry fretted, trailing behind her as she plowed ahead, finally coming upon the front entrance of a hidden ‘adult’ store.

“...oh my goodness...”

“Yes that’s what I was trying to warn you-“ “This is perfect!” She shouted, nearly jumping in excitement.

“I beg your pardon?” Harry’s eyes went wide at her jubilation, not seeing that the answer to her problems was right in front of them.

“A smut store! This is exactly what I’ve been looking for and I didn’t even know it! They don’t ask too many questions, the pay is decent, and nobody wants to work their so they probably- oop, yup! Right here there’s a ‘help wanted’ sign. C’mon let’s go!” She said excitedly, grabbing his wrist and dragging him behind her.

The inside was exactly as she pictured it: Walls various shades of pink and red, stacks of magazines, walls lined with various toys and lingerie sets, and to top it all off, a staircase to another room labeled ‘peep show’. The guy behind the counter took one look at them and politely let them know they had stopped renting the ‘viewing rooms’ to couples.

“Oh! No nothing like that- I actually saw your ‘help wanted’ sign outside?”

“Sorry sweetheart, we’re full on dancers up there. The only position is ‘clerk’, and that includes cleanup.”

“I don’t see a problem so long as there’s rubber gloves and bleach.”

“...alright then. Pays 3 quid an hour shift starts at noon.”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow at noon then?” Parker stuck out her hand and was pleased to receive a firm handskahe in agreement. She turned to beam at Harry and share the good news, but he wasn’t there.

She found him close to hyperventilating near the edge of the alley. Hampton was whimpering and pawing at his back where he was leaned against the brick wall, but Harry seemed singularly focused on freaking out.

“Harry... what’s wrong?”

“Parker, I... I don’t think you should work there.”

“Why not? It’s been the only lead I’ve had and they’re already willing to start me tomorrow. I’d like to not leech too much off of you while I’m here. It’s bad enough I’m taking over your couch, I should at least pay some kind of rent.”

As she was speaking Harry bolted upright and began speed-walking away from her, leaving Parker scrambling to rush behind him and get a word in edgewise. Thankfully his flat wasn’t too far so it didn’t take long for her to catch up.

“Harry what the shit! Why are you running?!”

“I am not running, I am simply moving to a more appropriate location for this conversation which we are not having because you will not be working there.” He said with no room for argument. But he was about to get a harsh lesson in that.

“You haven’t given me a legitimate reason as to why not- and besides, it’s not like you’ll be working there so I don’t get what’s gotten up your ass about this!”

“It’s a shop for perverts.” He hissed, half as a warning and half a secret. Parker was floored- he really wasn’t the Harry she knew.

“And?!”

“What do you mean ‘and’?”

“I mean ‘and’! What’s so wrong with ‘perverts’?”

“It’s not- I don’t- it’s-!” He sputtered, face going red and a sudden well of tears springing forth. Parker felt as though she had uncovered a sudden bear trap and was in the single moment before it sprang and snapped her foot off. She immediately went to him, guiding him to sit where he immediately collapsed in on himself.

“Harry what’s wrong? It’s alright.” She placed a light hand on his shoulder, in what she hoped was a comforting gesture, but ready to give him space if he needed.

“I... I think I’m broken.”

“What do you mean?”

And he told her. All about his confusion that he couldn’t tell whether or not he liked girls or guys, or anyone. And the turmoil, instilled from an early age, that came along with it that sort of deviation from the expectations and ‘norms’ of society.

“Harry,” She said, taking his face in her hands, wiping the tracts of tears from his cheeks. “I know my words don’t hold much weight, with how little I’ve known you, but along with that, I- a complete stranger, can definitively say: You are not broken. The world can be unkind, and that unkindness can be louder than everything else- but the best defense against that unkindness is to just... be yourself. Agressively.”

“Aggressively? Won’t that... I’m not sure, drive people away?”

“Not the ones who matter. I’m still here- see? And so long as it’s convenient for you I will be for some time.“

“And you don’t think less of me for my more perversive tendencies?”

“If I did it’d be very hypocritical of me. And you’re not as uncommon as you think- Freddie Mercury and David Bowie: they feel like you do and they’re the biggest rock stars of all time.”

Seeing his smile breakthrough finally, Parker couldn’t help but grin herself. She bumped his shoulder lightly with her own.

“There we go. Now I know we were supposed to hit the pub tonight, but I think it may be better to stay in? We can get some junk food and listen to records and you can use Hampton as a blanket tonight.”

“That... yeah that sounds perfect right about now.”

[ganymedesclock]

Depending on how Operation Kuron plays out do you see the Paladins except Keith beginning to give up Shiro? Shiro's biggest fear is that he's a monster so seeing his team begin to fear him because of his actions (involuntary or not) would be his worst nightmare. What would he do if this does happen?

Honestly, the only thing I can see happening if we take the essentials here- that 1. Shiro’s been compromised by the empire, 2. they intend to use him against his will 3. in a way that has already shown clear disregard for his health and longevity, the only thing I can see the paladins doing is doubling down on protecting him and staying with him.

Let’s do a head count here, shall we?

Coran- Coran has some really obvious parental sentiments towards all of the paladins and the team. He worries terribly about their welfare and at this point and has gotten quite attached to all of them. Coran fretted about losing Allura in s1e11, pointing out he’s lost just about everything else in his life- and given his reactions in s4e6 when faced with the very real prospect of losing the paladins, I think that applies to the rest of the team as well. (He was one of the people bawling his eyes out at the idea of Keith going to stay with the Blade for a while in s4e1)

Allura- Like Coran, she’s lost a lot to the empire. Furthermore, she was the one agitating big time in s1e7 that they can’t just give up to the empire because it seems hopeless. It doesn’t make sense she’d give up now with far more personal stakes and a lot more confidence under her belt. Furthermore in s3e2 she called Shiro “completely irreplaceable”

Pidge- In s1e6 flat-out said that she’d come to view the paladins as like a family to her, and this would implicate Shiro big time since he was the first one she was open with about her family and her secret, and connected with him heavily right out of the gate in the first episode- their whole moment on the jungle planet. And, uh... considering Pidge cut her hair and infiltrated the government rather than give up on the slightest chance of her father and brother still being alive, she doesn’t have a good track record for giving up on people she cares about.

Keith- Pretty self-explanatory, as you already cited him as not giving up on Shiro because he’s made it clear he is completely ride or die for his Black Paladin.

Lance- Shiro is his personal hero and Lance is also the feelings and empathy guy. If Shiro meant absolutely nothing to him, was just a complete stranger- Lance would still totally stick his neck out on the grounds of just the empire’s using him up and throwing him away like a napkin. Not gonna happen on Lance’s watch, nuh-uh no sir.

Hunk- Remember when Hunk pulled a complete 180 from “hey I don’t really want to fight a war in space against a ten thousand year old tyrannical alien monster” to “there are not enough words in any known language that can be meaningfully strung together to express how much I want to punch Zarkon in the face, personally” over the plight of a girl that he had only known for a day?

And I mean you might be insinuating something about like “oh, but the empire would sneakily set it up in such a way that it’d just look like Shiro is suddenly becoming a huge jerk or really inept or something” which... that’s not how any of these involved parties roll. If Shiro started suddenly making really bad tactical decisions the team’s response wouldn’t be “well. tactics machine broke, everybody go find a new one” it’d be to worry about him because this is unlike him and something’s clearly wrong.

[tmnt-veelicious]

Across the Stars - Ch.2

URG, this chapter is small and yet it took me time to write it... I hate beginnings :’D Oh wellzzz, time to meet the others ! Heads up, next chapter might contain mentions of anxiety/panic attack. Also I’ve added links in this chapter regarding Vee’s tattoo and a reaction she has at some point (OF COURSE IT’S A VINE HAHAH) Have fun reading <3 First Chapter --> HERE Next Chapter --> HERE

She got green-lighted for a meeting three days later, meeting up with April right after work, following the reporter deep down the bowels of New York city's sewers. Vee couldn't deny being nervous, the exctasy of being shown things and beings that were so out of the ordinary fueling her with renewed energy. She still wondered if all of this was nothing more than a dream, but soon her thoughts shifted as they stumbled upon the infamous lair. The place was huge, the ceiling as high as the surroundings extending to many opened and closed rooms. It wasn't as much filled with water as Vee first thought, but it still had a slight 'sewer charm' that kept the woman grounded in this new world. ''Vee!'' She recognized Donatello's voice, turning to him with a wide smile. Although it did falter a little as she spotted three other turtles beside him, all impressive in size and look. April did warn her earlier, but she did not expect them to be so imposing. Donnie offered to take the woman's coat out of courtesy, revealing Vee to be wearing a black long-sleeved turtle neck shirt and jeans. She oddly felt smaller than she already was, her eyes still locked on the three other turtles. The one she noticed the most was wearing a red do-rag, his whole body being a mountain of muscles. He looked intimidating and severe, gazing down the human as if constantly judging her. Then she could see another one wearing a blue mask, this one looking more collected and slightly less muscled than the other. Vee couldn't help feeling a strong sense of leadership in him, mostly dued to his posture and general calmness. And finally she spotted the orange masked one, always showing a smile. He was smaller than the others, but still taller than Vee without any doubts. She already categorized him as an extrovert, a people-person, an explosive energy seeming to emanate from his sole being. ''So, that's Donnie's girlfriend?'' scoffed the red masked one. Vee froze. ''Wh-?'' ''If you mean by that a friend that happens to be a girl, yes she is,'' corrected Donatello with a frown as he was back by the woman's side. ''Aw come on D, the way you keep talking about her, we thought you guys were already a thing,'' chided in the small one with a mocking tone. If looks could kill...! Donnie was staring down at his brothers, trying to get them to stop. He did change the subject around, gesturing the other turtles to Vee, presenting them, from blue to red and finally orange. ''Forgive these buffoons.... Here's Leonardo, Raphael and Michelangelo.'' Vee smiled in response. ''Nice to meet you all! My name is Véronique.'' ''Veh-what now?'' cut the big one, confused. ''It's a French name, Raph. She's French Canadian,'' sighed Donnie, reajusting his glasses. ''Ooh, Canadian,'' said Michelangelo. ''The land of maple syrup and moose riding!'' ''And we also live in igloos,'' added Vee with a playful smirk. ''Sorry if my name is a mouthful of nonsense. You guys may call me Vee.'' The orange masked turtle nudged Raph. ''Look, she even says sorry, just like a true Canadian,'' he commented. ''Okay Mikey,'' cut the soft, yet authoritarian voice of Leonardo, finally speaking up. ''You've mocked our guest more than enough.'' His blue eyes went to April, catching the reporter's attention. ''April, can I have a word with you?'' As both of them moved to a quieter place, Donatello took the opportunity to show Vee around the place, shooing his two other brothers away as he knew they wouldn't stop pestering him. *** ''I don't know what to think about all of this,'' started Leo, crossing his arms before him, staring down with a quick sigh. ''… She looks nice but...'' ''But?'' pressed April with half of a smile. ''Can we trust her? Who knows if she'll go around telling people about us? It's already good enough that we have you, Vern and Casey around, but now a new human presence equals new possibilities or troubles.'' ''Woh, easy there.'' April tried her best to sound reassuring. ''I can already assure you that you can trust her. … You should give Donnie more credit; he wouldn't have met her if he knew she'd be trouble. You knew he was talking to her and yet you didn't stop him.'' ''Well, yeah, because he was trying to find information about her. I didn't want someone with a criminal record to go live with you, if she ever had one. Plus she moved from another country, that's a bit suspicious.'' April mimicked his position, showing a blank stare. ''That's called a new life experience, Leo. I don't see how that can be a bad thing.'' The turtle stayed silent, trying to think of a good comeback. His eyes trailed around the lair, soon spotting Donatello and Vee... ''Give her a chance, for Donnie's sake,'' added the woman gently. ''… They seem to get along pretty nice and I think it'd be good for you guys to see a new face around here.'' You should give people more credit, echoed chief Vincent's voice in Leo's head. He looked back to April, still serious. ''One mistake and she won't be allowed here anymore.'' *** Vee couldn't hide her grin as she spotted Donatello's workplace: two desks facing one another with plenty of screens showing various things. ''Oh wow!'' she let out in awe. ''I've never seen that many screens for one desk, let alone two!'' ''I do a lot of surveillance and multitasking so they come in handy!'' beamed up the tall mutant with a smile, as if proud he could impress the woman. The human continued to look around until she came near his lab part, a soft ''ooh'' escaping her lips. She always have had a fondness for science, her curiosity always pushing her to stay informed about its many subjects. She rolled up her sleeves to her elbows, out of habitude whenever she would get to touch things and be careful, and proceeded to check out a beaker and other tools. ''This is amazing,'' she added. ''All this super secret setup, this cool lair! You guys are truly like some sort of super heroes!'' Donnie was now showing a shy smile, but it quickly faded out as his eyes spotted something on Vee's left forearm. He came to her, carefully taking her wrist in his large hand, examining her skin which showed a tattoo, a sentence. He didn't remark Vee who was now looking up to him with large eyes, surprised by his behavior. Being this close again, she could now notice how tall he actually was, the top of her head hardly reaching his shoulders... ''I remember you saying you have tattoos, but I never really got to see them,'' he said, mesmerized by it, a finger slowly going over the letters. Vee was blushing hard, letting out a small laugh. ''Yeah, I have four of them and I plan to get more,'' she said. Donatello looked up to her, then realizing that he was probably a bit too close, his hands suddenly letting go of the woman's arm. He cleared his throat, standing straight. ''What does it mean? That's Latin, isn't?'' he asked. The human showed a comforting smile. ''Indeed! It means 'You are here for a reason'. … It's a lil' something I try to remember when things go bad.'' Their eyes met, Vee suddenly feeling her heartbeat increase. She couldn't help moving forward, next gently taking one of his hands, getting to sense his skin's texture. She noticed how slightly distressed he looked, most probably not used to people approaching him like this. ''… It's funny,'' calmly started the woman. ''I thought I knew you after all of those months of talking, but now everything feels new. … I'm still trying to figure out if any of this is real or not.'' His other hand came over hers, the ghost of a smile coloring his traits. ''It is very real, I can assure you,'' Donnie started. ''… I'm sorry about all the secrecy.'' ''Why did you finally accept to meet face to face?'' The turtle slightly sticked out his tongue a few times, thinking, Vee instantly knowing this was the cutest thing she would ever witness in her life. ''It just felt right,'' he finally said. ''I mean, it's easy talking with you. I don't need to rephrase everything I say, compared to whenever I speak to my brothers. We share many interests... Do I need to go on?'' Vee snorted a small laugh. ''See! We even have the same freakin' laugh. Unbelievable,'' he added, chuckling. Yeah, okay. This was no dream. The woman was finally starting to feel more at ease, her hands still inbetween his. She couldn't help noticing how warm he was, even though being a reptile.... ''Hi! Would you like a cup of tea?'' said a new voice. Vee looked towards the source, a surprised gag suddenly leaving her as her body twitched, now seeing a giant rat holding two small cups. Donatello realized he never mentionned this newcomer... ''Ah, uh, Vee, this is master Splinter. He's my dad.'' The woman looked surprised for a second, next taking her time to observe the rat. He was slightly smaller than her, his fur showing some grey and his black eyes were strangely expressive. She showed a smile, trying to be polite. ''W-why yes, tea sounds nice!'' she replied, next being handed a cup. The brew smelled nice, calming her nerves instantly. She did not hesitate to take a sip, green tea being one of her favorite kinds. ''Thank you for the cup, the taste is absolutely delightful,'' she added next. ''Polite. Just as expected from a Canadian,'' said the rat, amused. Okay he's the father, alright, thought Vee, trying not to spit her sip. She could hear Donnie grumble, probably cursing the entire world. ''Does everyone have to embarrass me today?'' he simply said. ''Do not fret over this, my son. I was simply approving your choice of guest. At least she didn't try to attack me like Casey did.'' ''Well, yeah, that's why I took her away from Mikey and Raph before she got any bad ideas,'' replied the turtle, now showing a smile. ''Even if I wanted to try,'' added Vee. ''I'm no ninjas like you all. The only thing I can manage to do is get bruises by simply looking at a wall.'' Both snorted, Vee's clumsiness having been brought a certain number of times in their previous discussions over the last few months. The woman's heart fluttered for a moment as her eyes met his, somehow glad she could finally share moments like this in flesh and not before a screen... ''Donatello did mention you are an artist, but I was curious as to what kind exactly?'' next asked master Splinter. Vee grinned with a small frown, still looking at Donnie. ''Well, it seems like I'm a popular choice of conversation around here.'' The turtle wished he could disappear. Vee turned back to the rat, her traits calm and soft. ''I am mostly well-versed in music and drawing, although I tend to touch writing in my free time. I try to be as versatile as possible so I can take on many offers and possibilities. … I tend to believe knowledge is the most powerful tool I can have.'' Splinter smirked at the mention of this, a small chuckle escaping him as he eyed the turtle. ''Well if that doesn't remind me of someone!'' Donatello sighed, visibly annoyed: ''Dad, please...'' ''Don't worry, the old rat that I am will stop pestering you,'' said the other, already turning to leave. He did nod at Vee, a smile still on his lips. ''It was nice to finally meet you and you are always welcome in this house!'' As soon as he was out of sight, Vee threw a new playful grin towards Donnie, cocking an eyebrow. ''A lot of your family members seems to hook us up already. Should I take this as a sign?'' The turtle blushed, soon hiding his face in his hands, grumbling before finally speaking: ''They revel themselves in my misery, please don't pay any attention to them.'' ''Well, disregarding that, they all seem fine so far,'' added the woman, taking a new sip of tea. Donatello looked down to her, somehow amused. ''… I don't understand. How can you be so calm about all of this?'' he asked. ''Your reaction is just so … different!'' Vee shrugged: ''If I'm willing to believe aliens could exist, why not mutants? My curiosity strangely overrides my fear right now and I can't help being in awe when facing all of this.'' ''Huh, I can already hear Raph's voice saying 'We're not a freakshow'.'' ''And I don't believe you are either.'' She was now before him, her free hand on one of his arms, her thumb slowly stroking his skin. Their eyes met, Vee's gaze tender, smiling softly. ''… Donnie, I value you first and foremost for who you are, not what you are. You're probably not used to hear this, but it's true. We spent many months talking and developping a friendship.... The fact that you're showing me all of this, who you truly are, only deepens the trust I have towards you.'' The mutant showed a same smile, his hand coming over hers, subconsciously craving for any contact. ''Thanks... that means a lot.'' For a moment, everything felt at peace, the world shutting down around them. Nothing else mattered as they had found eachother. Finally...

[sarahzipp]

Author’s note: This post was written in the summer of 2017. It’s taken me nearly three years to grow the courage to post it publicly.  Time heals all wounds!  I hope you enjoy.

Waving goodbye to Amsterdam, our home for 3 years.

Did you know – moving a family of four and two pets to a foreign country is hard. In fact, it’s a giant logistical nightmare. I did. I learned that lesson, I learned it so hard 3 years ago moving to the Netherlands and muddling through immigration paperwork and not having a bank account because we don’t have a BSN yet (it’s like a social security number) and we can’t paid and we can’t get a BSNt….and so on and on and on. It’s a doom loop. It’s a doom loop in Dutch. But moving abroad has become like childbirth to me, after a couple of years I forget the pain and do it again. And there’s a lot of crying.  And nobody sleeps.

But this time it would be in English, and therefore much easier, right?  We’re only moving about an hour’s flight away, how bad can it be? Besides, we’re seasoned expats, wiser and more experienced now. Step 1 – book flights. Several times a day flights buzz between Holland and Scotland. They’re cheap and plentiful. No problem! Wait, what?  We can’t fly the dog on EasyJet or any of the quick jumpers into the UK. Hmmmm. Look, a fairy! I mean, look – a ferry! They have a kennel. Perfect for a multi-species move. Yes yes yes! Let’s move by ferry. How cool and adventurous. It’d be uber Zipp-like to move to a foreign country by ferry. We shall invade Scotland by sea! Neat-o.

Our previous experience with boats in Amsterdam gave us undue confidence. What could possibly go wrong?

So, we just book the tickets, 2 cabins for us + my mom (who so graciously/foolishly agreed to come visit/help us not commit acts of homicide while we pack and move). Check. Next we book the dog into the pet hotel. Check. Great. Now just notify them we are bringing Kitty as a carry-on (like we did on the plane when we moved to A’dam). Wait, huh? Why is it not allowing us to add the cat. Try it again. What if we depart from Rotterdam? Ugh. Call them. Sprek je Engels? Huh? We can’t have the cat on board without a car? But we don’t want to keep the car. We want to sell it so we can buy a UK car with a right-side-of-the-car-steering-wheel when we get there. It’s going to be difficult enough unlearning how to drive American-like in the UK. Oh, shut the front door! Are we really going to keep an ailing French mini-van with a passenger-side window that won’t roll down and a steering wheel on the wrong side of the car for a 5lb cat? Yes. Yes, that is exactly what we are going to do. Because life. Because family expatting is a series of maddening choices and ridiculous adaptations. It’s a relentless state of absurdity. Because that’s how Zipps do. No creature left behind. Check.

Ok, transport of humans and pets secured. Now what about our stuff? Step 2 – pack up and go. This time around, in the most adulting moment of my life thus far, we hired actual professional movers to pack up our shit. Why not? My employer is paying relocation expenses. Well done, Dr. Fancy Pants. I thought we were well organised. We laughed at how much we’d accumulated in 3 years. Wasn’t it just yesterday we packed ALL of our belongings into 9 Army duffle bags and boarded the plane to Amsterdam? Yeah, we moved our entire family across the Atlantic packed into 9 bags. Nothing more. And one half of those bags was my Ph.D. fieldwork papers. (Fun tip – we precisely weighed each bag by using the scale at the vet’s office where we went approximately 743 times trying to get the appropriate Pet Passport for the dog). Now, the movers handed me the inventory list – 100 boxes. 100 boxes? WTH? No matter, it was all out of sight, out of mind for now. See you on the flipside, boxes of crap. We’re down to the bare minimum. T-minus 9 days to departure. Just a few more issues to tidy up, then it’s time to kick back, relax and enjoy our final week in the lovely city of Amsterdam (stay tuned for a post, eventually to be written, on my deep, warm and conflicted feelings about life in the ‘dam and saying goodbye to my favourite city in the world).

So, we calmly went about packing up our Dutch lives. Er, rather, we scrambled every last minute, failing to find more than a few fleeting moments of peace in our last days there. We sold stuff on a thousand different marketplaces. We patched holes and fretted over which dishes were ours and which came with the apartment, etc. because our skeevy landlord will try to cheat us (separating expats from their security deposits is a hobby of Dutch landlords). I remember the feeling 3 years ago, whilst scrambling to pack up our American lives. Just get to the airport. Once we get checked in at the airport, we can relax. Breath. Panic. Breath. Repeat. 

Delierious with joy over are good choices, smart planning and simple lifestyle. Also pictured: cat that almost ruined everything, twice.

We tried, desperately, to capture the final bike rides and boat rides on camera. Fleeting moments of exquisite presence. We tried to celebrate, laugh, hug, cry and properly say goodbye to our family of expats. We tried to make space for our girls to spend those final, fleeting days with their buddies. Good god, we have been through some shit with these people over the past 3 years. Expat friendships, for big and little ones, are bonded in a crucible. Never forget this place. This stuff has been magical. Breath. Have presence. Enjoy? Pack, organise, DO SOMETHING. Did you cancel the internet service? Pay the parking ticket? How do we forward the mail? Notify the Belastingdienst? Sprek je Engels? 

And that’s when we noticed the cat was missing. Yes, the cat. The cat that caused us to keep the car. The car that caused us to pay a shit ton more for the ferry. The ferry that will take us to Scotland. The Scotland that will distill the whisky. The whisky that will taste so good when we drink it.  But I digress . . . the next few hours were a furious chaos of packing and loading and searching for the fecking cat. The children are weeping for the cat. My mom is organizing a search party while I cooly ignore this tangent of madness, because I am confident the cat is simply hiding. “The cat is missing, mom. Start acting like it!” my sweet youngest daughter screams at me and slams the door. I ignore her and discreetly throw out bags of forgotten little toy scraps that no one will remember so long as they aren’t seen during the throwing out process. Hours later, the cat is found hiding under a bed. I smugly chastise my panicked family. They fail to thank me for my calm resolve.

In spite all of our diligent #adulting, expensive movers and good intentions, here we are, literally running from the apartment with armloads of shit dumped out from random drawers whilst the landlord arrived from the other side of the building for our final check out.

It was like a scene from a Benny Hill movie, I’m sure. Cut to scene – exterior of building, black and white at 1.5 speed: Zipp parents frantically scrambling and stumbling out the front door, arms laden with useless plastic items, while the Landlord calmly strolls in the back door, clipboard and magnifying glass in hand. Cut to shot of kids, pets and granny in the car screaming, crying and flailing wildly.  Cut to Aaron opening driver door, pointing forward confidently and saying: Onward march – take to the seas! (in the captions). Can you hear the music?

People overuse the term, “stuffed in like a can of sardines.”  This is not one of those times.  We stuffed said crap into every nook and cranny of our van. So, there we were; 4 Zipps, my mom, our old dog with bad gas and a cat.  Everyone but the driver had items crammed under and around her feet as well as on her lap/between her body and the door or other passenger. I am not exaggerating. It felt difficult to breath in there. When we finally pulled up to the ferry door, I yelled at my children – “act natural, pretend like you have plenty of room! And for God’s sake, don’t mention the head lice!” I thought we might be over the weight limit or something. I knew we were technically one centimeter over the height limit, although I was sure the massive weight load was compressing us down at least that much.

We love our pets, Nana is losing her mind!

Jonah (the dog) smells funny

Pipsqueak the Mighty

  Maybe if the kids just smile at the check in guy they’ll let us go without any questions. I really don’t know, the whole thing was so sketchy because we weren’t sure if our car was too tall with the roof carrier on top and we were still recovering from some confusion regarding the pets on board (Fun Fact – Our 70lb geriatric labrador was perched up on a stack of luggage in the back of the van so high he could not get out on his own accord. So while we were waiting in line for the ferry (for hours) I had to unload and load him in “gently” whilst containing the stack of threatening-to-spill-out luggage with one knee. It was a long line. He had to get checked in too. My “gentle” level decreased with each outing). For once the gods smiled upon us and no one asked questions. We rolled in and were literally the last car on our platform. After a brief game of where-the-hell-is-the-cat-that-required-us-to-bring-a-wrong-side-of-the-road-driving-car-to-the-UK?, we deboarded the van and checked into our cabins.

My mom has never in 12 years of grandmothering ever chosen to not spend more time with her grandkids. But that night, with her head bent in (what I think was a bit of shame or guilt) she asked if she could have the key to a cabin and stay alone. Without her grandbabies. Yes mom, save yourself.  We broke the Na-na. My mom has never before or since rejected a moment’s time with her dear little grandchildren. I rejected the urge to jump overboard.

Ferry of Doom or Ferry of Freedom?

But we made it. We were on the ferry. Breathe. Deep sigh of relief. Enjoy the ride. It was fun and adventurous to travel by ferry. I highly recommend it. 15+ hours later, with minimal sleep and a deep sense of relief mixed with sadness, we calmly exited the ferry. Just a wee three hour drive to our new home.  Left, left, left. Remember to drive on the left, honey. We inched forward in an endless procession of vehicles exiting the ferry.  Last in, last out. 

That’s when Aaron turned to me, panicked face – “oh shit, we’re out of gas!”  In the mayhem getting to the ferry, we forgot to fill up. OMG. We cannot run out of gas on a ferry or in the border patrol line.  No exaggeration at all, we were on E. It gets worse.  When we finally got off the ferry, there was a line of cars snaking its way to the border gate. We would never make it. This was a trail of tears, eeking forward a car’s length every 5 minutes. It was a minimum hour wait and we had a maximum 15 minutes of fuel. 

One last time, I un-gently unpacked the dog from the back of the van to walk him.  A border agent passed and I tearfully pleaded our case.  “Well, we don’t need a broken down vehicle holding up this line.” He was so kind, really un-Dutch in his kindness and willingness to help. Within minutes, we were ushered around the line to front.  We pulled up to the border entrance window. Wait, oops. The driver is on the wrong side. Ha ha ha! I was in the passenger seat. Let me just roll down the window to hand you the passports…oh, yeah. The window-roller-downer is broken. Ha ha ha. Aaron, if you just pull up a tad, I can open the door. Oops, sorry everyone in line behind us! Here ya go, border patrol lady.  I stepped out and handed the agent our clutch of passports. “Your Visas haven’t yet been processed, so you’ll need to re-enter another time.”  Wait, what now?  We can’t come in?  We chatted. We worked it out. Kindness and understanding from her and her colleagues that I cannot understate. Sorted, as the Scottish say.  She let us through, although I’m not sure we entered 100% legally. 

Bumbling and fumbling, we crossed the finish line to begin again.  Stay left, keep the rubber side down and journey onward. Love, trust and (Gaelic) pixiedust. 

Welcome to the United Kingdom. Mixed emotions.

  Zipps invade Scotland by sea Author's note: This post was written in the summer of 2017. It's taken me nearly three years to grow the courage to post it publicly. 

[th-emptyhearse]

A Valentine’s Trilogy

For @4wksoffluff  

Summary: 3 different valentine’s days at Watford. Pining. Snowbaz. 

Chapter 1    Chapter 2    Chapter 3

Simon:

It’s my first Valentine’s day as a single person in a couple of years, and even though I’ll have to see the couples around the school being all mushy with each other while I’m not in a relationship myself, I don’t mind. But when I wake up, there’s a box of chocolates at the end of my bed. Interesting. At first, I think it could be from Agatha, but we settled on just being friends ages ago, so that’s pretty unlikely. I really have no idea who they could be from, but I see there’s a note attached to them, so I sit up in my bed and turn it over to read it. All it says is “Happy Valentine’s day.” That’s disappointing. No clue there.

  Baz:

I just wanted to do something for him. It’s our last year, and the last Valentine’s day where I’ll see him, and I don’t even care if he doesn’t know it’s me who gave him the chocolates, and that he’ll never have me anyway. I just want to make him happy.

When I wake up he’s already shoving a chocolate into his mouth. Typical Snow. He looks happy, but he also has a little bit of confusion written on his face. Huh, I figured he’d think they were from Wellbelove, but it doesn’t look like that’s happened. I suppose they really have settled as friends.

“I see you have an admirer,” I decide to say to him. What can it hurt? It just spurs on his look of confusion. He sits there looking puzzled and puts another chocolate in his mouth. I walk into the bathroom, let him chew on that one, literally and metaphorically.

Once I’ve turned the shower on, I strip my pajamas off and climb in. What if Snow figures out they’re from me? I think as I’m in the shower. What then? What would he even do? Oh, Crowley, he’ll go running to Bunce, and she’ll figure out, won’t she? Oh, Crowley. I should have thought this through more. Snow will just use the new knowledge against me. Oh. Crowley.

I’m still fretting as I spell my hair dry, and when I’m putting my uniform on, even still when I’m sitting down at breakfast. What have I done?

  Simon:

I ate quite a few chocolates this morning, but that by no means is going to cause me to skip breakfast. I’m down there before Penny or Agatha, so I sneak a hunk of butter straight into my mouth, it’s just so good, and they’re not around to see and tell me off.

Agatha arrives before Penny, so I decide to ask her about the chocolates, even though I don’t think they’re from her.

“They’re not from me, Simon,” she says with a look of confusion spreading over her face. She doesn’t look hurt that someone else is interested in me, which is good. Our romantic era is well and truly over. “I really don’t know who would send you chocolates,” she’s continuing as Penelope comes and sits down.

“Whats this?” Penny asks, spooning a bit of porridge into her mouth. I don’t know how I allow her to tell me off over butter, because she’s just as bad, except with brown sugar on her porridge.

“Uh,” I say, “when I woke up this morning there were a box of chocolates on my bed.” She looks intrigued. Penny loves a good mystery.

“You’ve got yourself a secret admirer, huh?” She says with her brown eyes alight.

“That’s exactly what Baz said,” I tell her. She only rolls her eyes a little at my mention of Baz. She tells me I talk about him too much, but I really don’t think I do.

“Now, if they were at the end of your bed, how did they get there?” Penny puzzles. “Only boys and I can get into your dorm- ooh! Unless some other girl has figured out a way in. No, no. No one here is smart enough for that, I’m sure.”

“Hey!” Agatha scowls.

“No offense,” Penny adds quickly, but Agatha just harrumphs and crosses her arms.

“They’re not from you, are they Penny,” I ask timidly. It’s a possibility. I have to at least ask.

“What? No.”

“So it’s a boy then.” I conclude.

“It would seem that way, Simon.” She looks all the more intrigued.

“So,” she says,” in order to figure this out we need to know who’s single, and who’s got easy access to your room.”

“Dev’s single,” Agatha says, “and he’s in the room below you, right Simon?”

“Yeah, but I really don’t think it’d be him. I don’t know, he just doesn’t seem like a give-chocolates-to-another-bloke kind of guy.”

“Simon doesn’t think Dev could be gay,” says Penny, making a tick mark in the air, “noted, but he is still a possibility. You never know, Simon.” She says the last bit whilst making direct eye contact with me.

“Yeah, I guess. You never know.”

‘So, who else is single?” Penny asks.

“Baz, Chris, Kevin, Finn, Tim, David, George, Gareth,” She says the last name with a raise of the eyebrows and a ‘we all know why that is’ look. Gareth and his cheeky to him, gross to everyone else, belt buckle. I chuckle a bit.

“So that’s it, all the single guys at school?” I ask, because it really doesn’t seem like many.

“Yeah,” she says.

“Everyone’s pairing off like mad, Simon, this is Watford.” Penny explains. She’s right, I suppose.

“I think we can rule out Kevin, Finn, and David,” I say, “they’re all so young.”

“Good point,” Penny says.

“I guess that leaves us with Chris, Tim, George, Gareth, and Baz.” Agatha concludes.

“But we can rule Baz out,” I say quickly.

“You never know, Simon,” Penny says again.

“Oh come on,” I reply, “you don’t seriously think Baz would give me a box of Valentine’s chocolates do you? He hates me.”

“Or does he?” Penny makes a smug face. “Let’s just not rule him out quite yet, he does have very easy access to your room. He lives in it for Crowley’s sake! It would be very easy for him to put the chocolates on your bed.”

“Okay, fine. You win.”

“Isn’t Chris asexual?” says Agatha, eyes cast off to the side, like she’s lost in deep thought. “I mean, I know that doesn’t mean he can’t have romantic feelings for anyone, but he really doesn’t seem interested in any romantic relationships. I think he might be aromantic.” I wonder how Agatha knows all this, but I decide to leave it. Maybe she’s just friendly with Chris or something.

“Yeah, I think I’ve heard that,” Penny agrees, “We’ll rule Chris out too, then.”

“So,” I say slowly, “that leaves us with Tim, George, Gareth, and Baz.”

“Indeed.”

“This is quite fun, isn’t it? Nothing like a good old harmless mystery,” says Penny. “Let’s get to the bottom of it. Who do you think seems most interested in you, Simon?”

“Uh, no one, I thought.”

Agatha looks a little sad at that. Pity and a bit of guilt maybe, though I don’t think she should feel like that. It wasn’t working either way in our relationship.

“If we’re really thinking about who seems most interested in Simon,” Penny says thoughtfully, “we are going to have to go with Baz. You’re obsessed with each other, even if it doesn’t seem to be in a good way.”

“Penny, I really don’t think-”

“No,” she cuts me off, “hear me out. I think you should just ask him if the chocolates were from him. It’s the easiest way onwards from here.”

“But, Penny,” I complain, “He’ll just throw me down a flight of stairs and proceed to use the situation against me in future. He’ll make fun of me, you know he will.”

“Unless the chocolates are from him.” She grins.

“Not very likely Pen. He’s my enemy.”

“I agree with Penny,” Agatha says. “If you really want to find out who they are from, you should ask him. And you’ll be safe if you do it in your room. Anathema.”

And that’s how I end up waiting for Baz in my room that night, sorting through my feelings, realizing there may actually be something there. Sitting on my bed, wringing my hands nervously, waiting.

  Baz:

Snow is sitting on the edge of his bed, chin cupped in his hands, when I walk through the door that evening. I go to step into the bathroom to change, but Snow grabs my arm. I flinch at his touch, it’s too tempting to me. I wrench my arm out of his grip and say in a clipped tone “What is it Snow?”

“Um, well…I just have something to ask you, Baz.”

“Spit it out then,” I reply.

“Uh, so, I was just wondering,” he starts nervously, “Was it you who put the chocolates on my bed today?” Oh. Crowley. Crowley, Crowley, Crowley! What have I done? I’m panicking on the inside but I try not to let it show on my face. If I say yes, Snow could so easily use the information against me, But, I let this thought cross my mind for a second too: Simon Snow may really like me back. Then I bat the thought away because it’s ridiculous. What am I thinking?

“No,” I say, with a little too much delay.

“Okay,” he says, and if I didn’t know better I’d say he were disappointed. “It’s just,” he continues, “I really don’t know who put them there, and Penny and Agatha seemed to think it must be you.”

Shit. They’re onto me.

“They were really nice chocolates, by the way,” he says, not really to me but more to the room, to the school, to nowhere, to himself. And I smile. He’s looking away so I figure I’m safe, and let it flicker across my face for a few seconds. But he sees me.

“If they were from you, I know you wouldn’t admit it, so I’ll just say it in case. Thank you.” He looks so genuine, and his voice is so small. This is all too real for me. I didn’t imagine this happening at all when I put them there this morning. And I don’t think Snow wants to use the information against me, I really don’t.

He’s looking right into my eyes when he says it this time, his own eyes looking scared, confused, beautiful, genuine and so prettily cornflower blue. “Was it you, Baz?”

If he didn’t look so damningly genuine, and wasn’t so persistent, I don’t think I would have said this. But I wanted to, so I did. And I’m just hoping like hell that he feels for me too, that he doesn’t tear my heart out and slice it into a thousand pieces with his sword.

“Yes, Simon,” I say, “it was.” I’m terrified, I’m overjoyed, I’m relieved, and I’m anxious. This could backfire so badly. He takes a deep breath before saying what he does next.

“Happy Valentine’s day, Baz.” And I swear I could cry. But I don’t, because, Simon Snow, Simon bloody Snow, takes my face in his hands, and he kisses me. I’m so shocked I just freeze. And he jerks away, a worried look on his face.

“Oh, Crowley, oh sh- oh I’m, I’m so, sorry, uh, shit, Baz, sorry aagh.” He’s tripping over his words, and it’s so sad and adorable, and he looks so rejected with his forehead in his hand pacing backward that I grab him, pull him to me, and kiss him. He kisses me back and it’s heavenly. I can smell his scent of cinnamon and smoke, and feel his soft, sweet lips beneath mine, feel his golden curls in my hand as I grab them. We break apart and he looks so relieved and I laugh, I’m so happy.

“Snow, you idiot, don’t be sorry.” I lean in and kiss him again. “Happy Valentine’s.” And then we’re standing in our room, a little confused, a little relieved, both smiling like idiots, with our hands wrapped around each other’s, a better future ahead of us.

[anime-matchmaker-blog]

Hey! Could I get a match-up please? (Danganronpa and Mob Psycho 100, if it's not too much work for you ;v;) I'm a short INTP/INFP girl(5' orz) and have dark brown eyes and black hair. I'm really bad at small talk or holding a conversation generally and I keep blabbering stupid stuff (like "Do you like sprinkles? I love sprinkles."). I'm also super lazy and unathletic and have like zero stamina OTL. I'm always daydreaming and get confused quite easily. [1/3]

I also get sick super easily which is really annoying and frustrating ;;A;;!! I’m a sucker for cute and romantic things love wearing skirts and dresses

My ideal first date would be in a café talking about our interests and just enjoying each others company

It’s definitely not a bother or too much work, anon! ^^ Thanks for the request and I hope you’ll like your matches!

Your matches are…:

Mob Psycho 100 - Hanazawa Teruki

Teru was that kid who was virtually unapproachable in the beginning. Once he got a change over, he seemed like someone who may be nice, but you decide to keep your distance from him anyway. When you get caught in a bad situation, Teru comes to diffuse it, using his experience as a thug to pull you away from the tension. You thank him and as you’re about to pull away, he recognizes you from his class. You two end up walking home in awkward silence, neither of you unsure how to start a conversation. Your awkward bursts help guide the topics that arise and you end up talking to him about subjects like literature to shopping to ice cream. He isn’t as bad as a guy you thought he would be.

A day off leads you two to a popular ice cream parlor in town. This gives you the opportunity to witness Teru’s atrocious fashion sense yourself and after some ice cream, you take him to the mall to buy him new clothes. During the colder seasons, you make him a scarf and a pair of gloves since he neglected to buy those himself. Teru feels guilty for being unable to repay you and he hopes you accept payment in the form of affection. His interactions with the other girls grow less frequent and more sincere as he spends more time with you, realizing he can be himself when around you. This freedom allows him to be more affectionate and intimate for the person he truly loves.

In your downtime, the two of you can be seen out in the streets, walking around, people-watching, or sitting at a cafe and chatting for hours. Other times, you’ll be at one another’s houses enjoying each other’s company, watching movies or anime, or helping each other do homework. Teru loves it when you randomly give him a hug and he tries to do the same to you whenever possible. He also enjoys teasing you for your sense of direction and claims that you can never go anywhere without him since he can’t bear the thought of you getting lost somewhere.

It doesn’t take long for the rest of the school to label you two as an official, honest couple. There are always girls who approach you to try to scare you off, but Teru shuts them down quickly. His former followers help keep the peace among the jealous crowd while rooting for your happiness. Teru used to play around due to his popularity, but now that he’s found someone to love, he can only hope you’ll forgive him for his past actions and help him become someone he strives to be.

HagakureYasuhiro (Danganronpa): With his cheery and laidbackpersonality, it won’t be difficult at all to befriend Hiro, even with your moreintroverted nature. The two of you will get along pretty well, actually, thoughHiro might come off as intimidating at first due to his height and appearance.The fact that you’re not good at holding conversations isn’t much of a problem,at least not to Hiro, since he can get rather ridiculous himself when it comesto conversing. If you don’t shy away and actually listen to him, he’ll bereally happy about that. He wouldn’t mind the things you tend to blabbereither. Though he might be confused at first, he’ll likely roll along with you,much to the confusion of everyone else around you two. Hopefully you believehis fortune-telling is not the same as the occult, or you can prepare yourself tolistening to him explain why they’re not similar in the slightest. However, ifyou do believe that, Hiro would be genuinely happy about that. He doesn’t havemany friends (or any, if not counting Makoto and crew) so having someone thatwon’t mind his eccentricity would be a highlight in his life.

Hiro isn’t the most athletic person around either, and wouldmost likely enjoy just chilling around somewhere with you. He’d be interestedin seeing the pieces of artwork you’ve created, thinking it’s pretty cool ofyou. He isn’t as artistic of course and will praise your skills since in hiseyes, your creations look amazing. It’d catch Hiro off-guard if you were togive him something you’ve knit, especially if you let him know that you like todo that for your family and friends. As much as Hiro enjoys hanging out withyou and talking about a random assortment of topics, he didn’t think your friendshiphad gotten that deep, not that he’s complaining. Your hugs would also be asource of surprise for Hiro and the first time it happens, he’ll stiffen at thecontact, not expecting something like this. He’s never had many friends afterall, so receiving such affection is a bit foreign for him but after a few moretimes of this happening, he can say that he loves your hugs and will startreciprocating them. Your declarations of love will be processed in the sameway, though the first time he’ll be more shocked than surprised and getextremely flustered. Of course, after learning that you mean as a friend, he’llcalm down a bit more but he’ll still be quite nervous around you for a whileafterwards.

Hiro can be rather slow in the head so when he finds himselfnot feeling quite as happy as he normally feels when he hears you saying youlove him, he likely won’t be able to figure out that he has feelings for you. Hecan’t tell you this since he’s afraidof hurting your feelings so he’ll likely turn to Makoto, who’ll help him learnthat he likes you as more than a friend. Telling you this is the scary part,since what if you don’t feel the same?? He’ll try doing some fortune-telling tosee the outcome, and when it comes out positive, he decides to take the plunge.As endearing as you becoming easily confused can be, he really hopes you’ll beable to understand what he means and not take it to meaning that he loves youas a friend.

If you do accept his confession and feel the same way abouthim, Hiro would feel ecstatic but also become very flustered at the same time.What does he do now? Before he can actually think of anything, he’ll justoutright asks you what you’d like to do on a date and at hearing what yourideal first date would be, takes you out for exactly that, after asking Hinafor good café recommendations. Hiro might be a bit more awkward since this is adate, not a regular outing with you.While nothing has changed, at the same time, everything’s changed. He’s yourboyfriend now! He’ll try to act more like a gentleman but he really isn’t thatgreat at it. Hiro always thinks you’re adorable but especially today, he’llthink you’re simply gorgeous. Your clothing choices accentuates your cutenessand Hiro really can’t help but stare. He’ll attempt to do romantic things foryou but he totally lacks knowledge in that department and once again, will turnto his friends for help though both Makoto and Hina aren’t knowledgeable aboutthat either. He’ll bring you flowers sometimes and chocolates another, and evenoffer to tell you your fortune for free!

Because Hiro never really had friends, he treats those hecares for with great sincerity and that doubles for you. Your tendency to easilyget sick, as much as it frustrates you, would have Hiro worrying a lot for you.He’ll want to take care of you to the best of his ability and he’s alwaysfretting about if you have the medicine you need and if you’re getting enoughrest. Like you, Hiro can be easily scared too, especially if the topic ofghosts comes up. The perfect combination would then be the two of you in thedark, talking about ghosts. He’d try to comfort you and find the light to turnback on, or another light source so you’d be able to sleep, but once the topicof ghosts comes up, he’ll be freaking out rather badly and hurried change thetopic. This would be a rather interesting experience for you both to go throughat least, but Hiro would then adamantly tell you to never bring this up again.

[flamel110]

Do all of them. I dare you.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My gf.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Yes.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My Dad, my sister, and my gf lol.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d like to think that I’m amiable.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeah totally, but I can take care of myself.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Passionate ones.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Yup.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My sister and my gf.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My girlfriend.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“I could not for my fucking life find a gif of a toddler getting kicked in the head, so this will have to do.”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

San Francisco by Scott McKenzie

74 is The New 24 by Giorgio Moroder

The Man Who Sold The World by David Bowie

Diane Young by Vampire Weekend

Kids by MGMT

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I love it.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in coincidence and “against all odds”.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I got closer to my family.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yeah, she was pretty cute.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it would be arrogant to dismiss the possibility.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No, not really.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I prefer water baths, but yeah.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Sure, I’ve got nothing against em.

21. What are you bad habits?

I procrastinate a lot.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Europe.

23. Do you have trust issues?

I used to, but not really anymore.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

When you take that first breath after finishing your last thing to do.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My legs, but not to a fault. I just don’t wear shorts that often.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone and scroll through tumblr.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I like my skin color, tbh, but I could use a bit more sun sometimes.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My sister, my gf, and my fraternity brothers.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Nope.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Eh, maybe. Why rush?

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

It once was, but not anymore.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Eh, there are a few attractive celebrities, but I really don’t care that much.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

rdsichwsrd

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I do parkour sometimes.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. Podcasts are cool.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yeah.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I try to think through a common interest among the group and propose it in the form of a question in order to stimulate conversation among the group.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

I don’t idolize people.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I’m doing it.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

No. Always perform accurate and reliable risk analysis.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Could be anything, but I’m probably tired. I’m usually tired.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah, even if it’s an awkward smile.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

SPAAAACCE.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My desire to conquer the world.

46. What are you paranoid about?

The fucking world.

47. Have you ever been high?

have YOU ever been high??

48. Have you ever been drunk?

lol yeh

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I almost tripped up some stairs today.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

I did, so I became someone else.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I want better eyes.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Don’t typically wear it.

54. Favourite store?

Amazon

55. Favourite blog?

lol mine. It’s got all my favorite stuff on it.

56. Favourite colour?

Sky blue and forest green.

57. Favourite food?

Had some good stirf fry last week. I’m not picky and enjoy most things.

58. Last thing you ate?

Some chicken helper I made the other night.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Bread.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

A few. Some mental, some physical.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Got ISS for punching a kid once.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nah, but I have had my share of police encounters.

63. Ever been in love?

Maybe. Love is strange.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

It was after Military Ball my junior year of high school, it was a peck on the lips, and it really wasn’t that memorable tbh.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Yes for always.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Sometimes lol.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook but still gross.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nah.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Nick, Brett, Aaron, Joslyn, Nolen, Bread, Josie, Evan, and Bryan, in no particular order.

71. Craving something? What?

I dunno I’m just hungry.

72. What colour are your towels?

Black

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Four

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Nah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Half a dozen to a dozen or so.

75. Favourite animal?

Snakes maybe?

76. What colour is your underwear?

White, rn.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Mint Chocolate Chip.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black

80. What colour pants?

Black?

81. Favourite tv show?

Right now? AHS Coven.

82. Favourite movie?

Midnight in Paris

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

I dunno lol

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

“I’m H2O intolerant... *ACHOO*”

87. First person you talked to today?

My gf.

88. Last person you talked to today?

My friend Brett.

89. Name a person you hate?

No.

90. Name a person you love?

My sister.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nazis

92. In a fight with someone?

Nazis, always.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2 or 3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

3 or 4

95. Last movie you watched?

Animal House

96. Favourite actress?

Kathy Bates

97. Favourite actor?

Jeremy Dooley in Uno: The Movie

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nope.

99. Have any pets?

Nope.

100. How are you feeling?

Tired and hungry.

101. Do you type fast?

Relatively.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Sure, but why fret.

103. Can you spell well?

Fairly well.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah, certain peeps.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yup.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

I believe so.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yeah.

108. What should you be doing?

Reading and writing up journal entries for TechCom.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

I’m hungry.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yeah, and boy howdy did I learn that it’s not cool to idolize and obsess over people because it’s super creepy and dehumanizing.

111. Do you have trust issues?

I used to, but not anymore. Didn’t I answer this already???

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Probably a brother.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

lol Dick Wizard

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Oh yeah. And then some.

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to a bit.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Eh, it’s alright.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Oh yeah.

119. Favourite book?

Right now it’s The Gunslinger by Stephen King

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Nah.

121. Are you mean?

No, I don’t think so. I just don’t give a damn sometimes.

122. Is cheating ever okay?

I don’t believe so.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

lol no.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. Attraction or infatuation, maybe. But love, even platonic love, takes understanding.

125. Do you believe in true love?

No.

126. Are you currently bored?

A little.

127. What makes you happy?

Video games.

128. Would you change your name?

If I had to protect myself.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Gemini

130. Do you like subway?

Lol yeah.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Well, I mean, she’s already my girlfriend so...

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My girlfriend I think. Didn’t this one already come up too??

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Wisdom’s a gift, but you’d trade it for youth. Age is an honor, it’s still not the truth.

134. Can you count to one million?

It’d take a while but yeah.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Meh, can’t think of one.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Fucking closed you heathens.

137. How tall are you?

5′9′‘

138. Curly or Straight hair?

No preference.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

No preference.

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter.

141. Night or Day?

Night.

142. Favourite month?

October.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milk.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea.

146. Was today a good day?

Yeah sure.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“God favors drunks, small children, and the cataclysmically stoned...” -Stephen King, It

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure, why not?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Eddie Dean - who did not know Roland sometimes thought of him as ka-mai, ka’s fool - heard all of it and heard none of it; saw all of it and saw none of it.”

[spiderfan22]

DAY THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-THREE - 3/14/2020

“CARNAL KNOWLEDGE” Part One

Adapted from the screenplay by Jules Feiffer

I have no rights to anything, I just want to make that clear. But here is the first act (of three) of a potential stage adaptation of Jules Feiffer’s Carnal Knowledge script. Forgive the formatting please, it didn’t transfer over so well.

____________

Act One NOTE: Bobbie is present onstage throughout act one, always on the periphery, watching the action. None of the characters notice her until prescribed otherwise. 1. Fall 1946. We hear dance music of the period. Jonathan and Sandy are at a college mixer. They check out the girls. JONATHAN Hey if you had the choice - SANDY What? JONATHAN If you had a choice. Would you rather love a girl. Or be loved. SANDY Well I'd want it to be mutual. JONATHAN Yeah but if that wasn't an option. SANDY You mean would I rather love her or have her love me. JONATHAN Yeah. Yes. SANDY Well it's not that easy a question is it? I think I'd rather be in love. JONATHAN Me too. Only not if it meant getting hurt. I mean I'm not just gonna put myself out there, you know? SANDY Right, or hurt anybody else either. Jonathan shrugs. Hey would you marry someone if you weren't in love. Like if she was rich for instance. JONATHAN What do I look like a prostitute to you? SANDY Exactly. Because I'd rather make it on my own. I mean I'd want to establish myself first before settling down. If I was a doctor say - JONATHAN Your old man's a doctor. He's probably got some in's there you could. Me I'll take as much help as I can get. SANDY Right but if you didn't have faith in yourself, I mean to begin with - JONATHAN Yeah but you also gotta be realistic, Sandy. SANDY I'd rather just have faith. JONATHAN You know. You know what bugs me? Bugs me, it fucking depresses me. That every time I start being in love with a girl she does something to turn me off. SANDY Like with Gloria. You were in love with Gloria. JONATHAN Started to be in love. And then what does she do, lets me feel her up on the first date. There's something deeply wrong with that. Turned me right off. SANDY But you kept going with her. JONATHAN Well she let me feel her up didn't she? SANDY What about Gwen? JONATHAN That was different. Her I could talk to. SANDY I've never been able to talk to any girl. JONATHAN You will, it just takes practice. Anyway, I was really getting crazy about her - Gwen. But she was stuck up, you know? Wouldn't let me lay a hand on her the whole time. So I went back to Gloria. SANDY You want perfection. JONATHAN Oh that's my problem huh? What do you want, wise guy? SANDY I don't know. Just someone nice, I guess. JONATHAN Not beautiful? SANDY She doesn't - no, she doesn't have to be beautiful. I'd like her built, though. JONATHAN I want mine sexy-looking. SANDY But not a tramp. JONATHAN Sexy doesn't mean she has look like a tramp, Sandy. There's a middle ground. SANDY I want that too. Something like that anyway. JONATHAN Tall. Very tall. SANDY No, that would scare me. JONATHAN Most of all she has to be understanding you know? She has to get me. Like we'd finish each others sentences. SANDY That would be nice. JONATHAN Bit tits. SANDY But still a virgin, right? JONATHAN I don't care. SANDY Oh come on. Jonathan. JONATHAN No I'm serious, I've given this some thought and it'd be ok if she was just a little ahead of me. A little. With those big tits. If she knew a hundred different ways - SANDY You want a pro! JONATHAN Not like a slut. Just experienced. And I'd want it to be beautiful. This very mutual thing. But also a little wild. SANDY See I want more of a companion. Long-term. Someone to grow with, that's stable. Because that other stuff I can just get on the side. JONATHAN No but the first time is what I'm saying. The first time has to be beautiful. I don't just want to waste it on somebody. SANDY I don't know Jonathan. I guess I just feel the same way about getting laid as I do about going to college. Like it's something I'm being pressured into. Jonathan notices Susan across the floor. He nudges Sandy. JONATHAN What do you think? You like that? Huh? Maybe? SANDY Her? Yeah. JONATHAN Good. She's yours. I give her to you. SANDY What do you mean? What's wrong with her? JONATHAN Nothing. I'm just a generous guy. SANDY So what do I say? JONATHAN Start with a joke. SANDY What joke? JONATHAN Or better yet, tell her about your unhappy childhood. Get her feeling sorry for you. SANDY Hey that's not bad. JONATHAN But it can't be an act. She'll be able to tell. Sandy hesitates Well go on schmuck! If you don't I will. Sandy walks over to Susan. She looks at him expectantly. He doesn't say anything. He returns to Jonathan. SANDY I fucked it up. I couldn't think of anything to say, I - JONATHAN Yeah you struck out. My turn. SANDY What do you mean? She's mine! You gave her to me! JONATHAN But you struck out! SANDY Well I get two more times at bat! Sandy goes back over to Susan. She looks at him but he still says nothing. She speaks SUSAN This is the first time I've ever been to a college mixer. What about you? SANDY Yeah. I kind of hate it. SUSAN Me too. SANDY It's such a phony way of meeting people, you know? Everybody's putting on an act. So even if you meet someone, you don't know if it's them - SUSAN Or the act! SANDY Right, not the real person. The real them. Pause. SUSAN I'm not sure I agree. SANDY With what? SUSAN Oh, with what you just said. SANDY You don't? Then why did you say - SUSAN Because, I was going along. And we were talking and it was nice and. But then I realized I wasn't sure if I believed what I said, and wouldn't that be an awful way of beginning a friendship, with a lie. Pause. SANDY You know come to think of it, I don't know if I agree with it either. SUSAN You don't agree with what you just said? He looks at her. She smiles. SANDY Well how DO you feel about it then?? SUSAN Well I guess I think people only like to think they're putting on an act when really it's not an act, it's them. But if they think it's an act they feel better because then they could potentially change it, even though they won't. SANDY You mean they're just kidding themselves because it's not really an act. SUSAN No it IS an act. But they're the act. The act is them. SANDY But if it's them how can it be an act? SUSAN Because THEY'RE the act. SANDY But also real. SUSAN No. SANDY They're not real? SUSAN No. SANDY They're not? You're sure? SUSAN No. I mean yes I'm sure. SANDY Then by that argument I'm not real either. SUSAN No. SANDY Well if I'm not real I must be an act. You think this is all an act so, so what's the. I mean. He looks down. Frets. Starts to walk away - SUSAN Wait. It's all right, you don't have to - I'm an act too! Everyone. It's just the way it is. I mean for instance, you behave differently with different people, correct? SANDY No. SUSAN You don't behave differently with your family? SANDY Oh I thought you meant different people, like new people. Sure with my family - SUSAN And with friends you're another way. SANDY Well yeah, friends - SUSAN And with your teachers still another way. So which one is the real you? He laughs. SANDY Well when you put it like that! You should be a lawyer, you know? They laugh. Uh, you're from Smith, right? She nods. Do you like it? How do you like it? SUSAN Sure it's ok. Do you like Amherst? SANDY Sure, why wouldn't I? My parents worked very hard to send me so I'd better like it. They laugh. Can I ask your name? SUSAN Susan. SANDY Susan, I'm Sandy. SUSAN The music is nice isn't it? He nods. Extends his hand. They dance. Jonathan watches.

2. Jonathan and Sandy later than night in their dorm room. SANDY I don't know. She talks a lot. Might not be worth it I think. JONATHAN That's too bad. The impression I got, I think you could make it with her. SANDY What? Really? JONATHAN Let's just say I wouldn't kick her out of bed. SANDY You don't think maybe I should wait and try for somebody else? JONATHAN Like who? Pause. SANDY She was the best looking girl at the whole mixer, I'll say that. Wasn't she? JONATHAN Tits were kind of small. SANDY I thought of that too. Maybe it's not worth it. JONATHAN Nice legs though. SANDY She did didn't she? JONATHAN Mmm. SANDY I'll tell you one thing, she's got some funny ideas. JONATHAN I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

3. Outside dorm. Sandy and Susan are kissing in the shadows. He tries to get on top of her. SUSAN Sandy Sandy wait, can we slow down? SANDY What? SUSAN No I just don't want to be rushed, ok? SANDY What's the matter? I like you Susan. So I don't see - He tries to kiss her again. SANDY I like you too, but it's only our third date. There's no rush is there? SANDY But you let me kiss you last week. SUSAN So? SANDY Susan if I got to kiss you last week then I should at least get to do a little more tonight, go a little further. It's only fair. SUSAN I know, and we will. But you're the only boy I know I can talk to. And I'd like to talk to you so. SANDY That's funny. I can't see you being quiet for any guy. SUSAN Well, not quiet exactly. But there's a difference between shutting up and not even starting in the first place. Because you can sense it. In the past if I liked a boy, and I wanted him to keep liking me, and I was brighter than he was, which was usually the case, then the only choice was to not show it or have him lose interest. So it's hard. SANDY Yeah. I mean even I wouldn't want someone overly bright. SUSAN But what I'm saying, you wouldn't feel threatened. SANDY I might a little. SUSAN No I don't think you would Sandy, nearly as much as some people. For example, someday I want to write novels. He gives her a funny look. Not now, but down the road. Eventually. When I have something to say. Now that doesn't threaten you does it? SANDY No. Pause. I mean a little, I guess. He smiles. He leans forward to kiss her again, she lets him. SUSAN Don't press so hard, ok? They kiss. See, it's better when it's gentle. Thank you for listening to me Sandy. What are you grinning at? He doesn't answer. Sandy? Jonathan appears. He has a camera. He snaps a photo of them.

4. JONATHAN You feel her up yet? SANDY Come on, I like this girl. If I rush it it might ruin things. JONATHAN I was right about kissing her though. SANDY Yeah. Only we had to have this big fight about it first. JONATHAN Which you won. SANDY Well I don't know if I won it or not. JONATHAN See that's when you should've went for it, put your hand on her tit. Pressed your advantage. SANDY Come on. This girl's nice enough to kiss me, I should do that to her? JONATHAN You act as if she's doing you a favor. SANDY Well it is sort of a favor isn't it? I mean when a girl lets you kiss her and, you know, go on from there. Feel her up and so forth. Jonathan gives him a look. You know, the rest of it, go all the way and the rest of it, everything - I mean isn't that a favor? Because what's in it for her. I mean if she's not getting paid or anything. Jonathan starts to chuckle under his breath. What? Jonathan starts to laugh. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you Jonathan. I'm serious here. Bursting with laughter, Jonathan falls to the floor. Fine if it's so important - I'll feel her up! Jesus!

5. Sandy resumes with Susan. They kiss for a long time. He gets on top of her on the ground. SUSAN Sandy, please take your hand off my breast. Sandy - SANDY What? Why? SUSAN Because, I asked you to. How can it be fun for you when I don't want it? SANDY I didn't say it was fun. SUSAN Then why are we doing it? Why is your hand where it is? SANDY Because the way we're going by now I should be feeling you up! Susan sits up. She adjusts her clothes. SUSAN I just don't think we're there yet Sandy. SANDY Well I do. SUSAN But you want me to feel something too don't you? That we're on the same page? SANDY I thought you liked me. SUSAN I do, but for other reasons. SANDY What does that mean? SUSAN It means if we went any further there wouldn't be those reasons anymore. SANDY We might have something else though. SUSAN Like what? SANDY Something else, better. I don't know. You're the first girl I've ever done that to Susan. I just thought it was time. Pause. SUSAN I didn't know that. SANDY You can't tell? SUSAN No. SANDY Well it's something we both have to go through. Don't you think? She thinks about that. Smiles. She puts his hand on her breast. He takes it away. Susan are you a virgin? SUSAN Yes. Are you? Sandy nods. He puts his hand back on her breast. SANDY What do I do with the other hand? She puts it on her other breast. What are you gonna do with YOUR hands?

6. JONATHAN And then what? SANDY She told me to take my hand off her breast. JONATHAN Bitch. And then what? SANDY I said I didn't want to. JONATHAN And then? SANDY She said how could it be fun for me when she didn't like it. JONATHAN Jesus! SANDY So I said I thought you liked me. JONATHAN Good, turn it back around on her. SANDY And she said I like you for other reasons. JONATHAN Other reasons?! SANDY So I told her how I really needed this. JONATHAN Why? SANDY You know. Because it was my first time. JONATHAN Your first time what? What did you say exactly? SANDY I don't - that I was a virgin I guess. JONATHAN You told her that?? SANDY Was it a mistake? Jonathan shrugs. JONATHAN I wouldn't. SANDY Anyway, then she got nicer to me. JONATHAN What do you mean nicer? SANDY She put my hand on her breast. JONATHAN You mean you put it on and she left it. SANDY No. She picked it up and put it on. Jonathan stops. He demonstrates - JONATHAN You mean she picked up your hand like THIS - and put it on like THIS? SANDY That's right. JONATHAN She didn't take your hand when it was halfway and just sort of guide it in for a landing? SANDY No. So I didn't know what to think! JONATHAN You didn't huh? SANDY I mean for just wanting to be friends she's suddenly getting pretty aggressive. Pause. JONATHAN And then what? SANDY I asked her if she was a virgin. JONATHAN You're kidding! SANDY Was that a mistake?? Jonathan doesn't answer. Anyway, she is. JONATHAN That's what she says. So now you got what, one hand or two on her tits now? SANDY No, by this time she's put the other hand on her other one. JONATHAN She put BOTH hands on?? TWO hands?? Elsewhere: Susan is brushing her teeth in a mirror, getting ready for bed. SANDY So I said. I said what are you gonna do with YOUR hands? JONATHAN No. SANDY It just came out! JONATHAN Then what? SANDY She. Let me see if I got this right. Yeah, she unzipped my fly. JONATHAN Bullshit artist! He swats Sandy excitedly And then what?! Then what?? SANDY Well she. You know. She did it. JONATHAN Did what? WHAT? Sandy tentatively makes a hand motion indicating masturbation. Bullshit artist! BULLSHIT! Jonathan swats him repeatedly. They laugh.

7. Phone rings. BOBBIE Susan there's a call for you. Susan goes to the phone and picks it up. SUSAN Hello? Jonathan appears on the other end of the line. JONATHAN Hi, is this Susan? You don't know me, I'm a friend of Sandy's, his roommate Jonathan. I'm sure he's told you about me. Yeah so I'm just here at Smith for the night. I was taking a drive and found myself practically on campus, and I had some time. So I was wondering Susan - you weren't in bed already were you?

8. Sandy in the library. He eyes a girl as she walks by, but is too nervous to say anything. He adjusts his pants. Goes back to his studying.

9. At a college bar. Jonathan and Susan. For a long time they don't speak. JONATHAN So, where'd you go to high school? You like Smith? SUSAN What's your major? JONATHAN Do you always answer a question with a question? SUSAN Do you always date your best friends' girlfriends? JONATHAN You know Sandy told me you were beautiful. SUSAN He told me you were smart. I guess he's a poor judge of character. JONATHAN I guess what he meant was your personality. SUSAN Are you serious? JONATHAN Ok, I won't deny you have a certain special quality. I like girls who are special. SUSAN I'm hardly that special. JONATHAN You can't tell. That's another thing, you're not stuck up. SUSAN How do you think you know so much about me? JONATHAN Some people you can tell about right away. Intuition. Most girls I talk to it's like we're spies from foreign countries, you know? Speaking in code. Everything means something else. Like I say, would you like to take a walk? and it means something else. And she says, I can't, I've got a French test tomorrow. And it means something else. SUSAN And you say, why don't I come over and help you study, right? JONATHAN You're sharp. I like that. SUSAN Which means something else. JONATHAN Maybe too sharp. SUSAN Does that bother you? JONATHAN It interests me. SUSAN What is that, more code? JONATHAN No. I just think we'd be good together. SUSAN I'm dating your best friend. JONATHAN He won't mind. SUSAN How do you know? JONATHAN Because I'm not going to tell him. SUSAN What if I mind? JONATHAN Then you'll say no to the next question. Do you wanna go out Friday night? SUSAN I can't, I'm seeing Sandy. JONATHAN Saturday then. SUSAN I have to study. JONATHAN Sunday. SUSAN Seeing my folks. JONATHAN Where do they live? SUSAN Newton. JONATHAN Sunday night. I'll help you get over your folks. I know how that can be. She smiles. I'm serious, how about it Susan? What are you so afraid of? She has to stifle a laugh. SUSAN Not you.

10. Outside by a pond. SANDY I just can't get over how beautiful you are. SUSAN Hardly. SANDY Really, Susan. SUSAN I have a weight problem for one. You should see. When I'm nervous I empty the refrigerator. And I'm always nervous, so - SANDY You think you weighed 200 pounds the way you talk. SUSAN Also I'm flat chested. SANDY Well. Here I was this whole time thinking you were beautiful, telling everyone how beautiful my girlfriend is - SUSAN Yeah well SANDY And this whole time I've been dating a dog! SUSAN Don't call me that. SANDY I'm not, I was kidding. SUSAN Even as a joke. It's not funny. SANDY Ok. SUSAN I just hate it when boys use words like dog. SANDY Then I won't use it. I'm sorry. But what's the problem with calling a dog a dog? I mean if she is one. SUSAN Because. If you judge people too quickly then they go through life being called dogs when they're really, when they're actually really wonderful people. And you're too sensitive to think in terms like that, Sandy. SANDY I don't know. I'm not that sensitive. SUSAN But you are. SANDY Look don't call me sensitive, ok? SUSAN Why not? SANDY No reason. Just you don't like dog and I don't like sensitive. SUSAN But there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. He stops. He walks away from Susan. Then he comes back a moment later. SANDY Look, I don't see anything wrong with calling someone a dog, not if they're really a dog. But since you don't like it I'll stop. SUSAN You don't have to stop. I just won't mention it again. SANDY Ok. SUSAN But I'll still think it. SANDY What if I don't care what you think? SUSAN But don't you see, we can't do that Sandy. We can't be that way. If we start thinking things about each other but not saying them, if we hold back anything, it'll just start to accumulate, new things tomorrow and more the next day. And because of that we'll stop talking to each other because we'll be too afraid. We won't dare talk to each other because then something might slip - and oh Sandy that's too horrible! You can't live that way! SANDY Then what's the solution? I just say exactly what I feel all the time? SUSAN And I say what I feel. They look at each other for a beat. Sandy and Susan kiss. SANDY Dog. SUSAN Sensitive. They have a playful moment, laugh. He pulls her to him. SANDY I take it back, you're not a dog. SUSAN Thanks! SANDY You're welcome. Susan why won't you go to bed with me? She looks at him. She walks off. He watches her walk away.

11. Dorm room. Sandy undresses. Jonathan eats an orange. SANDY Think I'm in love. JONATHAN Bullshit artist. SANDY No, really. JONATHAN What happen, you get in yet? SANDY What's that got to do with it? JONATHAN Everything. I mean how do you know if you don't know how you are in bed together. SANDY That's not all there is Jonathan. JONATHAN It's a lot of it. SANDY But you don't understand. She tells me thoughts that I didn't even know I had - until she tells them to me. It's crazy! I mean I can really talk to her! JONATHAN You can talk to me too. Are you saying you're in love with me? SANDY But it's different. I can say things to her I can't say to you, that I wouldn't dare. JONATHAN Like what? SANDY Things you'd laugh at. JONATHAN Name one. SANDY Well, the fact I'm sensitive. She thinks I'm sensitive Jonathan. And she's right, I am. Susan sits at a piano. She plays scales. JONATHAN Sensitive huh? Oh boy, sensitive!  What do you guys talk about, huh? Flowers? SANDY Books. JONATHAN You phony. I read more books than you do. SANDY I'm going to start. I'm reading The Fountainhead. JONATHAN Yeah what's that? SANDY Her favorite book. You ever hear of Jean Christophe? JONATHAN No. SANDY It's a classic, you moron. I'm going to read it right after The Fountainhead. JONATHAN yeah - you ever read Guadalcanal Diary by Richard Tregaskis? SANDY No. JONATHAN That was a bestseller, and I read it. You ever read Gentleman's Agreement by Laura Z Hobson? SANDY I'm going to read everything from now on so it doesn't really matter. JONATHAN Well I got a head start on you, asshole, so who's the one who's sensitive now? Come on, WHO'S SENSITIVE?? Jonathan has gotten very close to Sandy's face. The two young men stare at each other.

12. A car parked at night. The interior is lit only by the radio dial. JONATHAN I had a very messed up childhood. SUSAN What does your father do? JONATHAN He fails. She half- laughs. That wasn't supposed to be funny Susan. She coughs. SUSAN Were you very poor then? JONATHAN He couldn't hold onto a job but he kept giving me advice. The more he failed the more advice I got. He's a Communist too. Did I mention that? SUSAN We're Republicans. JONATHAN You're not isolationists are you? SUSAN Oh, no. In the dorm room Sandy is trying to read The Fountainhead.                                                                 He soon gets bored and starts to masturbate. Sometimes I think I'm a Communist. JONATHAN Me too. We have so much and other people have so little, you know? After I get set up as a lawyer what I'd really like to do is get into politics. SUSAN Run for office? JONATHAN Yeah, public service, give back. What really gets me is I was too young to fight in the war, because what was that all about except to show that if everybody pitches in the plain people have a chance. So even though I'm the first in my family to get an education I don't ever want to forget where I came from. She turns and looks at him. SUSAN You're a lot more serious than I thought. JONATHAN Don't I know it. He reaches over and puts his hand on her leg. She puts her hand on top of his.

13. Back in the dorm. The lights are out and the boys are in bed. SANDY Where'd you meet her? JONATHAN You don't understand. I'm another person with this girl. You wouldn't recognize me. I mean the things that come out of my mouth - SANDY Hey she really sounds like something. Is she built? JONATHAN That's just it. She's got a quality. She doesn't talk much but the things she has to say are so sharp, intuitive about me. SANDY We should double date sometime. JONATHAN Well I'd like to know her a little better before we do anything like that. SANDY But eventually - JONATHAN Sure, sure. SANDY Gee isn't it great? A month ago neither of us even knew a girl, and now? JONATHAN Yeah. Now we know one. SANDY What's her name? Pause in the dark. JONATHAN Myrtle.

14. The woods. Night. It's dark. Jonathan and Susan are mid-fuck.  She moans. He emits a series of grunts. It doesn't last too much longer. He exhales loudly, then sighs an enormous sigh. She touches his face. Then he gently rolls off her. He looks up at the sky. Susan looks at him. JONATHAN I used to wake up in the morning and all I could think about was girls. Not even getting laid, it was purer than that. Girls as machinery. I'd follow them down the street wondering how they got their arms to swing from their elbows that way. And why they liked to walk barefoot. It drives me crazy girls walking barefoot! And girls who wrinkle their brows. And girls who rub their noses. And girls who touch your arm. Right here, like that. God, girls have great hands, like they're squeezed out of a tube, their fingers. And girl skin. Girl skin. Nothing that ever lived feels as good to touch or be touched as girls skin. To be with a girl with great skin and girl hands, wrinkling her brow, rubbing her nose, touching my arm, me with shoes on and her barefeet. - Oh Susan girls were killing my life! They were taking up so much of my time! I couldn't work, couldn't think, I would've flunked out. And you, you came along and you saved me. And now all I got in mind is you. The other girls are gone and you're in their place and I can study, I can be somebody, and do things. Do anything! GOD!! I can't shut up. Please Susan shut me up! She covers his mouth with kisses.

15. The next day. Jonathan is grinning. Sandy punches him. Hugs him. SANDY Bullshit artist! You're kidding. You're not kidding? You really did it? You beat me to it you son of a bitch? You bastard! God! Well you just wait. Next it's gonna be my turn. JONATHAN I don't know Sandy. I don't think she's gonna go for it. I mean if it hasn't happened by now - SANDY Why not? Of course she will! I mean she has to eventually. I've just been taking it easy with her. JONATHAN Sandy, trust me - find somebody else. SANDY Are you crazy? When I'm right on the verge? Anyway, I see her tomorrow night - JONATHAN Hey uh Sandy. Do you ever... do you ever talk to her about me? SANDY Yeah sure sometimes. JONATHAN Will you do me a favor then? SANDY Sure, what? JONATHAN Don't tell her I got laid.

16. Boys dorm room, afternoon. Susan, fully clothed, stands between the two beds smoking a cigarette. Sandy is starting to undress. He stops. SANDY Please Susan. We have to. It's time. Past time. She doesn't answer right away. And when she does she doesn't make eye contact. SUSAN Sometimes I want to do it and a second later, I don't know. It goes away. I don't know why you put up with me. He tries to take off her shirt. She moves away from him. Sits on Jonathan's bed. SANDY Susan. That's Jonathan's. Mine's over there. She doesn't move. He sits beside her. She smokes her cigarette, not looking at him. SUSAN I just don't think I can. SANDY But it hurts Susan. You don't understand what it does to a guy. Just to keep building up and never - SUSAN Then let me help you. I don't mind - She starts to touch him with her hand. Sandy pushes it away. SANDY No, not like that. Not anymore. SUSAN Please Sandy just let me do it for you - SANDY No, not if we don't go all the way. Oh Susan let's just do it! I love you! She allows him to kiss her. I love you. Don't you love me? She nods. He lies her down on the bed. They kiss some more. Start to take clothes off. SUSAN Do you have something? Sandy crosses the room to his bed and from under the pillow slips a condom. How long have you had that? SANDY Not too long. SUSAN Not a year or anything? SANDY I'm sure it's okay. SUSAN I don't want to take any chances. SANDY We won't be. These things have to work. She doesn't respond. It's ok. She doesn't respond. I'm positive it's ok.

17. In the dark. SUSAN Ow! JONATHAN Did I hurt you? SUSAN No. Ow! You rat! JONATHAN Ow! SUSAN How do you like that? Ow! JONATHAN Ow! SUSAN Ow!

SANDY Am I too heavy? SUSAN No you're fine. SANDY Ohhh Susan - SUSAN Can you wait? SANDY I, I can't wait. I can't wait. SUSAN Please just wait. You're trembling. SANDY I love you Susan.

SUSAN I love you Jonathan.

JONATHAN What do you think of? SUSAN I don't know. SANDY I don't know. JONATHAN The first time tonight I thought of grenades. Hand grenades going off. The second time I thought of movie music. The third time I thought of orange juice. SUSAN I don't get that. SANDY Orange juice? JONATHAN I'm just telling you. And the fourth time I thought of the fifth time. So what do you think of? SUSAN I don't know. SANDY Nothing I guess.

SUSAN What do you think of? SANDY When? SUSAN When we make love. What do you think of? SANDY Oh. Just how good you are to me.

18. A week later. Mid-conversation: JONATHAN Nothing, you just act like you're the first guy in history who ever got laid. SANDY I'm the first guy in MY history who ever got laid, so - JONATHAN Well it's beginning to be irritating. I mean I like it too but you don't hear me crowing either. There's such a thing as good taste. SANDY What's the matter with you huh? JONATHAN Jesus! Nothing I said! SANDY - No I mean it. After you started scoring what did I get out of you? We did it standing, sitting, in the car, under the car, Myrtle, Myrtle, Myrtle. Maybe you forget but I knew Susan before you started going with Myrtle, and yet who scored first? You! That didn't make me feel very good, you know. In fact it made me feel really jealous. But did I once tell you to shut up? Did I one time say I'm tired of hearing about it already Jonathan? No, I didn't, I never said that. Because I'm your friend. So I sat through it. Besides, after encouraging me for so long I thought you'd want to hear all the details - JONATHAN Okay, okay. You made your point. SANDY Sometimes... Sometimes I think I'm a better friend to you than you are to me. Jonathan looks at Sandy.

19. College bar. Sandy and Susan sit together at a table, Jonathan across from them. Everyone has a smile on their face, laughing. They are drunk. SANDY Didn't you ever do that? SUSAN What? JONATHAN What? SANDY Of course I knew what it meant - JONATHAN Of course. SUSAN "Of course" SANDY Misled, I knew what it meant, the word, but I didn't know what it looked like - JONATHAN He didn't know what it looked like. SUSAN Didn't know, or didn't want to know? SANDY So when I finally saw it in print, I thought it was MYZILD. Like, he had been MYZILD by her. SUSAN Are you following any of this? JONATHAN Just go along. He'll wear himself out eventually. SANDY She MYZILD her youth. And I kept wondering, you know, what could it mean? This word MYZILD. JONATHAN Sounds sexy. Let's MYZIL, baby! Jonathan playfully grabs Susan's hand. Susan and Sandy laugh. Speaking of which, does anyone know who Round John Virgin is? SANDY Yeah he was one of Robin Hood's guys, right? The Married Men. SUSAN You're thinking of Little John. And it's the MERRY Men. SANDY Merry... JONATHAN Round John Virgin. SANDY Wait, is that...who am I thinking of, from Shakespeare. What's his name.  Falstaff! Falstaff? Susan suddenly claps her hands, and bounces in her seat. Excited because she knows the answer - SUSAN Round John Virgin mother and child! Round John Virgin mother and child, mother and child! JONATHAN Yeah! Way to go Susan. SANDY Round John Virgin mother and who? Susan takes over the song, singing: SUSAN "Holy infant so tender and mild" SANDY Oh... Oh! ALL THREE SING "Sleep in heavenly peeee-eace! Sleep in heavenly peace!" They cheer and clap and drink and Sandy puts his arm around Susan. SANDY Susan! Susan, Susan. Do the one for Jonathan about the bear. You'll love this Jonathan. JONATHAN What bear? What? SUSAN Just this old hymn we used to sing. [It's stupid.] We used to sing it in church about a bear with crossed eyes - JONATHAN What are you giving me? SUSAN Whose name was - Gladly. JONATHAN The bear's name was Gladly. SUSAN No, don't you know it? Gladly The Cross Eyed Bear. SANDY Gladly the Cross Eyed Bear, Gladly the Cross Eyed Bar. Get it? Get it? Jonathan stares at them for a long time, giving nothing away. Then suddenly at the top of his lungs - JONATHAN GLADLY - THE CROSS - I'D BEAR!!!! They roar with laughter. Jonathan raises his glass of beer and they all cheers.

20. JONATHAN This has to stop. It's time. One of us has to tell him. SUSAN I know, but I don't know how. JONATHAN You don't have any trouble telling him lots of other things. SUSAN What does that mean? JONATHAN It means the way you talk to him. You don't ever talk to me that way. SUSAN What way?? JONATHAN I don't know. SUSAN He's very vulnerable, that's why. I don't want to hurt him. JONATHAN Yeah well you're hurting me. SUSAN I know, but he loves me. JONATHAN That's no reason to go to bed with someone. She looks away. And you would have just gone on, wouldn't you? If he hadn't told me. Hadn't blabbed the whole thing the second it happened, which of course he was going to - would've kept me in the dark about all of it! SUSAN I don't know. JONATHAN As long as you could get away with it. Right Susan? SUSAN I don't know. Maybe. JONATHAN You're really something. A piece of work as my father would say. SUSAN I don't feel like something. I feel like nothing. Silence. JONATHAN How much longer do you expect me to take this? SUSAN I'm trying. I'll tell him. Soon, I promise. JONATHAN I see how you're trying. SUSAN It's not my fault. I don't enjoy these fights. JONATHAN Listen, if it's me you really love - and it's supposed to be me you're really in love with - then I'll tell him. I'm gonna tell him. SUSAN What?! JONATHAN I'll tell him about you and me. SUSAN No Jonathan! JONATHAN Why huh?! How can you be more understanding to him on this than to me?? SUSAN Because, you're stronger. JONATHAN You only think so. Fine, you tell him everything else, you're so open with each other, understanding? You can explain about us. It should be easy. SUSAN What do you mean I tell him everything else? I don't tell him anything! JONATHAN Bullshit, Susan! He tells me!! He's my best friend! He's my best friend! Now are you going to tell him or not?! SUSAN But he's so helpless Jonathan. So, so - JONATHAN Well you're not gonna turn me helpless. SUSAN I'm the one. I'm the one who's helpless here. JONATHAN Why? Nobody's stopping you. You're free Susan. Do whatever you want. SUSAN I don't feel free. JONATHAN You feel free with Sandy. Beat. Then she shrugs. He goes to her. Susan I love you. Why can't you be more like you are with him when you're with me? That's all I'm asking. Why can't it work that way.

21. SANDY She says no good for me. JONATHAN Maybe she's trying to let you down easy. Sandy looks at him a beat. Jonathan smiles. Sandy smiles. Go on, laugh. It adds up. Jonathan pushes him. Teasing him. Sandy laughs. Laugh. It's funny. It is.

22. JONATHAN You don't know every mood of mine like you know every mood of his. SUSAN No. JONATHAN How come? SUSAN I don't know? JONATHAN You don't tell me thoughts about myself I never knew I had until you tell me. SUSAN Does he say I do that? He nods. Then I guess I must. JONATHAN You do it all right. So do it with me. SUSAN I can't. JONATHAN You can do it with him, do it with me. Tell me my thoughts! SUSAN I can't. JONATHAN Why? SUSAN I just can't with you! JONATHAN This has gone far enough. SUSAN No more ultimatums Jonathan. I can't stand it. I won't. JONATHAN Good, cause this is my last one. Tonight you tell him or tomorrow I do.  Look at me Susan. Susan. She won't look at him. He grabs her hard and screams at her. Susan! Tell me my GODDAMN THOUGHTS!!!!!!!

23. Phone ringing. Susan answers, Jonathan is on the other line. SUSAN Hello. JONATHAN You didn't tell him did you? SUSAN No. JONATHAN Why not? SUSAN He looks at me with so much trust, I couldn't. JONATHAN And how do I look at you? SUSAN Like you're bitter. Resentful. JONATHAN It used to be trust. At least you know my thoughts now. SUSAN Did you tell him? JONATHAN What do you think? SUSAN No. Pause. JONATHAN So what do we do now? SUSAN I don't know. I guess I get another ultimatum. JONATHAN Maybe but. I mean do you think there's any sense in this? SUSAN You and me you mean? JONATHAN Going on. SUSAN That's up to you. JONATHAN I don't think there's any point. I wish I were wrong. I don't feel anything anymore. SUSAN Neither do I. Pause. JONATHAN The reason I didn't say anything to Sandy in case you were curious was - I knew he wouldn't believe me. So I'd have to go into details to make him believe me. And then he'd come running to you. And you'd tell him everything. And then you'd go to bed with him. SUSAN Yes. That sounds like what would happen. Beat. Then they both give short laughs, breaking the tension. JONATHAN Would it be weird if I thanked you? SUSAN For what? JONATHAN I just never knew I could feel this close to a girl. SUSAN You are very different from when we first met. JONATHAN I guess maybe I've matured.   He is about to hang up So anyway - SUSAN Jonathan... He waits. Listens. Long pause. Then she doesn't say what she wanted to say. I'll always be your friend. JONATHAN Jesus Susan. I hope not.

24. Dorm room. Susan is helping Sandy pack to go camping. Jonathan is also there. SANDY Buggy. It's going to be buggy. I know. SUSAN It's not going to be THAT buggy. SANDY It's the country, what do you mean? It's the woods. SUSAN Yes but you can't cover yourself from head to toe! SANDY I'll get eaten alive! SUSAN You won't, you just don't know what it's like. You never camped out before. Tell him Jonathan, isn't he being silly? SANDY I am not. SUSAN Are too. SANDY Am not. SUSAN Are too, are too! A real city boy if I ever saw one. SANDY How about the cot? SUSAN Come on sweetie, that's what the sleeping bag's for. SANDY You're really serious about sleeping on the ground?? SUSAN What a baby. SANDY God this backpack's heavy. SUSAN I told you you overpacked. You are a nut. Isn't he a nut, Jonathan? They continue to bicker. Jonathan can't look at them.  He turns away. He sees Bobbie for the first time. They lock eyes. She smiles. He is unnerved by her. She takes a step towards him. Jonathan staggers away from her, downstage. To the audience: JONATHAN Wait a minute. Can we please just wait a minute here? Everyone? HEY! Pointing at Bobbie Who Is That Woman???!????

End of Act One.

[the-uptake]

The Uptake, The 704. 3|0|0|-. Book 1, Chapter Eight, Part One. (Part 2)

Necrophilic incest and body horror tw’s.

“–Get y’own shirt, Orpi!”

Torber was still catching his breath fretting and snarling over a tangle of bed sheets, and scowled up at his younger brother from across the room. The youngest two were on the bed across the room putting on their socks and shoes.

“Hey, man. I like Nightswill, too.” Orpi pinched at the dark grey band tee with a halved peach design. “You wear his shit all the time. Don’t see why I can’t.”

“Language,” the elder snapped, beyond tired. He wasn’t about to admit that the shirt had been in his bed because he’d been sleeping with it. Orpi simply rolled his eyes and started to walk off, leaving Vana and Ruti gawking stock-still at the forming argument.

“Y’can’t just hoard all his stuff.” Orpi shrugged and glanced over his shoulder. “He ain’t comin’ back.”

“He’ll come back!” Ruti huffed, glowering at Orpi.

“We’re gonna find him.” Torber accused a pointed finger at him.

“It’s been half a year!” Incredulous, Orpi laughed and stepped back in. “Face it–if he ain’t dead, he flaked! He went loon as hell at the end! You saw how bad he slagged up the livin’ room on Epiphany. He ain’t worth fightin’ about.”

Torber’s features thinned in plaintive resignation. The likelihood Galen was indeed dead wounded Torber daily. He had kept the severity of Galen’s symptoms secret from them, to spare them the same worry it put on him. Knowing the compulsions his younger brother had been experiencing as a result of the accident only further served to haunt and torment him. How bad off Galen had been that last day, simply shoveling straight quarter drift into his mouth by the handful… Torber’s imagination could only take so much, knowing Galen had told him the urges had been mounting in severity. If it had just kept getting worse since that first week, and it had been nearly six months… It was unthinkable.

Sarcasm inscribed the middle child’s hazel eyes as he slinked up to Torber and leaned his arms across the elder’s sleeveless shoulders, feigning empathy.

“Look. I get it. He’s our brother, too. Was. But he’s gone. Even you stopped lookin’ for him every single day like you did at first.” Suddenly the scandalized look he gave his older brother suggested he knew why the shirt had been in the bed, suggested that that was exactly why he’d snatched upon drawing attention to it. “What would y’do if y’DID find him?”

“Gale’s. Fine.” Torber frowned and smoothed the front of his asymmetrical zippered vest, rejecting Orpi’s nettling with an even, unblinking glare. “I know it.”

Orpi scoffed and rolled his eyes again in annoyance, and reached up to pull the dark green sock hat down too far on Torber’s head. Then he walked off, knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere. Torber readjusted the last birthday present their mother had given him, and his face soured vacantly.

“Stop scrappin’,” Dolom grunted in the living room. From the bedroom, the kids recognized the sound of their father flicking Orpi in the head. “It don’t matter if Gale’s dead or just gone. I mean, it’d be nice to know one way or another. Both his and y’mom’s birthdays comin’ up. We all dealin’ with the loss different. Y’all oughta share his stuff, not fight over it.”

The eldest child didn’t argue. But, he wasn’t about to draw attention to the various things of Galen’s that he’d already taken from his drawer of the nightstand they’d shared and put in his own, let alone relinquish them. He hoped everyone would just leave the rest as it was. Under his breath, he uttered aside, “Just… don’t wreck it in the yards today, dreg.”

After a long evening of negotiating with a sorters’ cadre to unload the family’s yard finds that day, Torber was last coming home that night. He found a note wedged in the handle-plate of the front door, addressed to him. With little care, he plucked it up and let himself in. Only once he had stepped inside did he unfold it to read it. His three siblings were rough-housing, Dolom vegetating to an old sci-fi movie on the couch. Torber half-expected he’d walk into the bedroom to find Orpi had vandalized his nightstand and strewn it everywhere. The note was on a to-go menu for Santo’s Diner, the handwriting scrawled and difficult.

||Hey ‘Nite. 94th and Bradley at 9. We gotta catch up.||

He swallowed hard. Exactly one person had ever called him that. Others’ terms of endearment for him had always been the truncation down to Torb, rather than the particle of their namesakes stalkers typically discarded when naming their children. Torber-Nite. A four year old tries to be clever with his knowledge as he gains it, and this part of their cultural history had been no different for the two kids. He remembered telling him, it’s Galen, like Ga-Le-Na, that’s why it’s not Ga-Len. His pulse raced ice, and he steadied himself.

“What’s that note anyway, kiddo?” Their father had noticed he’d finally come in, but didn’t look up from the screen.

“…Aah, ah. An old friend tryin’ t’get back in touch with me. H– hadn’t seen him in forever.” He swallowed his grief and put on a smile best he could. A brief sideglance to read Orpi yielded nothing. “He’s probably got some crazy get rich quick scheme to run by me or somethin’, knowin’ ‘at guy,” he faked. “You guys go on t’dinner without me. An’ don’t wait up.”

Dolom slouched harder with a grunt, turning off the set by remote.

“We can handle dinner without ya for a night, Torb. Go hang out. Y’never go out anymore. Enjoy y’self.”

Torber pocketed the note and patted his dad’s shoulder from behind the back of the couch, the unmistakably unsettled look in his eyes going unseen, then headed out without another word.

At a brisk pace, he made quick time down Bradley Street. In the summer night air his mind weighed on the plausibility someone was slagging hard with him. But who could have possibly known this exact way to get under his skin? He could only think of a single person who’d ever called him ‘Nite, and after all he’d seen, how could that one person not be dead? Why had he left a note, on paper, rather than call, or text? If he’d come in person to leave a physical note, why hadn’t he simply shown himself? As he stood beneath a streetlamp at the designated intersection, his mind flooded with all the possibilities of the imminent encounter, with no clue what to expect.

Only Galen had ever called him that before–and only at his most vulnerable, when he needed Torber most. Nights like this, his practice with a butterfly knife comforted him. If this wasn’t Galen… Hell, if it was– no, he couldn’t be that bad off, reaching out like this. Somehow, he had himself half-convinced he could stomach all this better if it were a prank after all. At least then, maybe he wouldn’t have to confront himself.

«I’m here, ‘Lena.»

With every minute that passed after Torber had arrived at the junction between Bradley and 94th, anxiety and dread dragged him further down. He began to pace, arms crossed. Ultimately, he leaned against the lamppost and stared off down the street, ignoring foot traffic when it didn’t look like it had made eye contact.

The weight of a weak but heavy, gloved hand laid upon his shoulder, carrying with it a voice thin with fatigue.

“Y’came, man. Y’actually came.”

Torber turned, startled, to find a figure standing behind him, face obscured within a grimy off-green hoodie. With a sliver of dark hair sticking out to one side, only his mouth, neck, and jaw were visible. The complexion was off, like bad quality grey Halloween makeup… but that mouth was unmistakable. The figure nervously slouched his weight into his hoodie pockets, as Torber continued to stare helplessly. The elder hesitated only a moment before tackling him in a trembling vicegrip, clutching the back of his head something fierce through the rank smelling fabric.

“I. I thought y’was dead.”

“Probably am.”

Galen writhed, realizing he’d made such a comment aloud. When Torber reached up to draw back the hood to get a better look at the brother he hadn’t seen in six months, Galen winced and pulled it back down. But, Torber still caught a fleeting glimpse of that clouded, jaundiced eye framed with scars.

“Nn, not here.”

Galen looked both ways nervously, repeatedly. Torber grabbed him by the shoulders and glared, horrified, into the shadow of a face cast by that streetlamp.

“–What HAPPENED t’you!”

It was as though tormented by a walking corpse, a mockery of the brother he once knew.

“I said not here.” Galen twisted out of the grip. His tone urged Torber to control his voice. “J, just needed someplace t’meet you. We gotta go someplace more private. Comon, we can go where I been stayin’. I’ll grab y’a bite t’eat on the way, too. Pretty sure y’not eaten yet.”

Taking it in, Torber consented shakily to following the ghoul, and the two slowly started the rest of the way down Bradley Street.

“Y’didn’t tell ‘em where y’was goin’, yeah?”

“Course not.” A shake of the head. “Just told ‘em t’go onto dinner without me.”

“Good.” A hard pause. “They can’t know, aight?”

“Don’t even know what I’d tell ‘em anyway.”

They approached the Burger Box on Bradley and 90th, only for Galen to slip Torber a small unmarked cred and stay outside while Torber got his food. Torber could tell Galen didn’t want to go inside because he didn’t want to take off the hood, but still he had to ask:

“Y’want me t’get you anything?”

Galen stared at him in a moment of tacit disappointment before stepping off to the side and reclining against the side of the establishment to wait for him.

Once on their way, they turned down 90th, went a ways, and stood at the broken curb of Hanbrook Road. Trembling visibly as he stepped up to the chain-link gate, Galen fished something out of his pocket which Torber assumed was a lockpick, the ghoul’s posture hiding the padlock as he held it to get it open. Galen opened the gate and ushered him in and set the chains and lock back in place behind them, and as they mounted the sloped driveway, Torber began to question whether it had been a key after all, since he hadn’t observed a wallet.

The copper cast of nearby street lights lit the site dimly. The unfinished building itself stood six stories tall, and had originally been destined to become low income housing in the sliver of real estate between the Quarter itself and what was considered true city limits. But, funding had run out before the insulation or walls had been filled in, the weathered and incomplete structure little more than support beams, roofing, and the beginnings of windows and stairways. The concrete turn-in ended abruptly, paving way to formless dirt. Sand was mounded up at random spots across the construction site, as well as some abandoned construction materials long-since rusted over. It had rained recently, the strong scent of river mud lingering in the entire place. It smelled of drowning.

«So this is where he’s been all this time,» Torber thought to himself.

Galen stopped about halfway up the shallow slope up to the building from the street, and drew back his hood to look to Torber. Once he had Torber’s attention, he worked up the nerve to fully unzip and pull off the outerwear completely. In a gesture of heartache, he flung his glove-clad hands out showfully, still clenching the hoodie in one hand. He wore ripped hybrid denim jeans, a stained white tank, calf-high work boots, and a broad, agonized grimace. All Torber could focus on was the cracked, peeling skin of the uncovered parts of Galen’s body. The rolled top of the paper bag crushed in his fist, his gut churning. There was no doubt this was his brother–or at least, had been once.

Torber very much wanted to wake up.

“It gets worse, believe it or not.”

The lyrical ache in Galen’s voice hung acrid in the humid May air as he turned back up to the building, arms falling to his sides.

On to Part 2 »»»