#doing all sorts of research and stuff
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Yes, it's technically Thursday, I'm always a bit behind the wheel. I got tagged by @grayintogreen, and I figured...well, what the hell. Maybe sharing a little bit of Unhappy Families will help with the writing motivation; I'm stuck in 1945 and absolutely dreading writing 1947, which is probably part of the problem. Turns out, trying to figure out how to write a downward spiral bender ending in a drug overdose? Not exactly fun!
But anyway. I don't really know who to tag but if you're working on something and want to share with the class, consider this a poke in the ribs?
And without further adieu, here's a little bit from Unhappy Families (or: one went up, two went down), specifically from 1929:
Pops dropped them off along the banks of the Hudson after what felt like the longest, quietest, most awkward car ride of Jonathan’s life. Tony’d sat uncomfortably close to him the entire time, his hands balled into two white-knuckled fists. Pops was silent the entire time, only speaking when the car stopped and he popped the trunk open to hand them two shovels.
“You two, get diggin’. I’m going to grab a few things and pick up our guest, and I’ll be back in thirty. I expect to see a decent size hole when I get back, understood?”
He and Tony’d quickly mumbled out a ‘yessir’ that seemed to satisfy Pops, who gave them a short nod, got back in the car, and drove off. Without looking at Tony, Jonathan started to dig. It was almost second nature to him at this point; he’d been digging graves for his father since he was fourteen, it was easy at this point to just turn his brain off and work through the task methodically. In, up, out, in, up, out.
He let himself get lost in the task and didn’t notice right away that Tony wasn’t digging until he caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye, gripping the shovel and staring at it like he couldn’t understand what it was.
“Tony…ya gotta dig. You can’t leave me doin’ all the work myself here.”
Tony just kept staring at the shovel.
“Fer Chrissake…Tony, Pops’ll know you didn’t dig when he gets back. You gotta at least try, kid.”
Fuck, was he shaking? He’d been doing so well, too, kept it together in the car the whole time, why did he have to slip up now? Christ. With a groan, Jonathan shoved his shovel into the dirt and walked over to his little brother. “Tony. Look. I know what you’re thinking. And…you can’t think, with this sort of stuff. You think it was easy for me when Pops took me out to do this for my first time?”
He still thought of it sometimes, that night when he was fourteen, when Pops took him along to take out a few rival soldiers mooching in their territory. The way they’d begged and pleaded, their terrified eyes…how quick his father was with his gun, not even blinking as he shot man after man in the head. The way the blood spray looked on the wall behind them. The smell of blood and bodily fluids and gunpowder.
How heavy the shovel had been. How heavy the bodies were.
“You just…you get used to it. You learn to turn your brain off and go somewhere else. Don’t…don’t think of it as diggin’ a grave, Tony. Yer in Mamma’s garden, helping her plant the tulip bulbs in the spring. Just…we do what Pappa wants,” he said quietly, staring into the hole he’d been digging. “I’ve told ya before. Keep acting the way he wants you to, and when it gets tough just…hide in your head for a bit, let instincts take over. Eventually, it gets easier.”
“Is that what you do?”
“...yeah. Yeah it is.”
Tony sniffled and looked at the hole, the shovel, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. When he opened them again, he had this look of grim, strangely cocky determination on his face, and he shot Jonathan a toothy grin.
“Bet I can dig faster than you.”
“Like hell you can, you little shit!”
For a few minutes, the two of them were able to forget why they were engaged in a digging contest; they were just two brothers trying to get one over on the other. And…it was nice.
And then the car came back.
#wip Wednesday#(but on a Thursday)#Unhappy Families#hazbin fanfic#god I'm nervous sharing anything from this. I hope it's okay.#I haven't had a proper beta reader so we've been flying solo#doing all sorts of research and stuff#the plan is to finish writing it and then go back and take a second pass at everything#you know. polish it all up.#god willing I'll get this done by...fuck idk. November? hopefully earlier.#but we're aiming for november as the latest finish time because of nanowrimo#...anyway.#gonna slink back into my hole now.
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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jade who got heartstruck by someone who listens, and trey who generally takes interest on really listening to what people have to say, about things he doesn't know yet
#referring to outdoor wear trey's lines who said--#People get to research whatever they want in the Science Club which means I get to hear about all sorts of fascinating stuff#Rook lectured me on proper hiking technique before we left. His tips have been pretty helpful—I haven't taken a spill yet#he listens#twisted wonderland#twst#treyjade#trey clover#jade leech#cater diamond#floyd leech#and also i just watched jade's outdoor wear vignette who mentored cater who wanted to run away already fshdshd#trey might do things minimally#but he seems to be packful of information about handling any possible situation or encounter against random things#that he obviously ; doesn't show#unless for desperate measure
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behold: my least favorite string of words in the entirety of Tears of the Kingdom.
#totk critical#totk#tloz#gerudos#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war....#I just stumbled upon it again doing research yesterday and....#there's so many layers as to why it aggravates me#that it's spoken from the perspective of a masked woman as to embody all gerudos while removing her own identity#in the context of her loyalty to rauru as well#that giving birth to a bad man makes you responsible for his actions (he's not a toddler anymore he's an adult ok)#or more metaphorically that your initial conflict with hyrule makes you Sinful and cursed and you must Feel Bad Now *shame shame*#that she's passing on that ageless guilt with no expiration date onto the shoulders of *a teenager* and it's considered GOOD???#(wind waker shaking crying right now)#ALL OF THAT to prop her up to swear her loyalty to the people planning to go murder their ancient king (sure he's a Bad but still???)#using some sort of weird ass original sin scenario that is arguably not any gerudo's fault but Ganondorf's#(or if it is then it's not shown so ???)#the vibes are so so so off I just really !!!!! don't like#this is stuff like this that makes me reject that it's a good story about alliances being formed in good faith#because this is just manipulative#maybe the alliance angle everyone's stronger together was the intention but the execution is another story entirely#gerudos never benefited from ganondorf's actions also#so it's not even a case of making reparations for the way you benefit from systemic oppression due to your ancestor's actions#gerudos won literally nothing in ganondorf's war#apparently he even subjugated them if they weren't on his side (like.... a king would.... not to excuse it but the double standard here)#so it just instrumentalizes the ageless sin of motherhood + suffering under a bad monarch billion of years ago for war#so uhhh.... yeah that's not... that's pretty bad imo#the gerudo girl could have went “hey girl this man used us and still hurt us to this day let's kick his ass once and for all”#and this would have been a different story entirely#a little cheap but not.... That Bad
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funny how this fic started off as an "unserious" idea (not cracky, more so i didn't take it that seriously, it was basically so i could rotate certain characters from my head into a google doc), i didn't expect to care abt it as much as i do now like i have a basic chapter layout for half of the set chapter count, specific scenes prewritten, a planning doc with around five pages thus far, the basics (title, summary, etc), random scenes for it spinning around in my head, and a bit of chapter one and three pages of chapter four written 😭
and i started properly thinking stuff for and working on this fic like...two days ago
it was not supposed to be This Serious hfjkdhf
#(this reminds me of how unserious i initially took picking petals but then it turned into All That lmaoo)#literally shoved some of my fav reboot rarepairs in this lmao#i think the reason why i havent made more progress with the chapter prewriting is bc college is kicking my ass i hardly get free time 😭#and also there arent any transcripts for s2 of the reboot :(#had to do psychology and mental health research for one of the characters for a hc and although i wanna incorporate it im hesitant#bc i dont wanna fuck it up somehow. but also im doing more research in case i think of another idea for them#i might go for it tho. we'll see. if i do its gonna further the angst bc some Baggage goes with it but stuff will wrap up too#so far whenever i think abt them i use that sort of lens anyway#so either i do it fully or aspects are implied via connective factors like environmental surroundings#either way it will involve that specific idea i have thought up to some degree#anyway im halfway thru s2 and taking notes for the fic while watching (i was planning on watching first then rewatching while outlining-#-buuut im too pumped lmao i see scenes and go 'oh imagine if i change it up a little in the fic' etc etc and then i just gotta jot it down)#the elimination order is tearing my hair out tho bc i love the cast but s2's elimination order was Not It i def gotta change that#ugh so much planning 😭 it was NOT this difficult with picking petals#(could be bc tdpi is my fav cast to write for)#sigh. lets see how it goes! and if I'll even publish this anytime soon lmao#kit writes#kit stuff#noahtally-famous#(....also dw ygs i know i rlly gotta finish agtsta's next chapter too-)
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-- Poorly Constructed Enchanted Tool --
A small tool carved from a fruit tree seed. Energy to power the enchantment has seemingly run-out long ago, and the method of recharging is unknown - but, based on the appearance, it's very likely that this was once used for detecting magic. Usually, looking through the glass center would highlight areas of higher magical energy concentration present in the viewer's environment, even if they were otherwise obscured to the naked eye. While this form of enchantment itself is highly advanced, the craftsmanship of the item is far less neat or complex than what might be typically seen in similar devices. It may have been made as part of training/practice, or as a hasty replacement for a previous tool that had broken.
#written from the perspective of some fantasy traveler who checks all of the local thrift-stores and lost & found places for every#town they visit - looking for interesting items and documenting them or something#In reality - just another one of my goofy little avocado pit carvings lol. Still working on inlaying little stones in them and stuff#I don't really have the tools to make super intricate stuff but doing little plain swirly patterns is still fine enough lol.#WORKING ON NEW POLL ADVENTURE also I know I know it's been months.. I have been Busy and struck by the evils of summer#But like I mentioned in the previous one I do want to at LEAST finish the quest with the egg lol#ANYWAY.#Things like this would plausibly exist in Nanyevimi (my fantasy world) but wouldn't be very common as - like mentioned- this would be an#extremely advanced enchantment. REALLY advanced mages could sense magic around them (to varying degrees of pinpoint accuracy of location#) without even having to use any external device. But for a majority of people there's really no way to know someone is using magic near#you unless you either see visual proof or if it's strong enough to feel effects from it (since magic is kind of like radiation in that the#higher energy/more of it youre exposed to the more it damages you/can make you sick/etc.) and even then most people would just be like#'hmm why do I feel so nauseous and bad out of nowhere?' likely wouldn't directly think to link it to magic. Thus the only really reliable w#way isto just hone your senses over like 500 years as you become an expert mage - OR use enchantments like these. But a 'sense magic' encha#ntment is not as common as a just 'magic is not allowed here' enchantment. If you wanted to prevent magic from being usedin a space#it's easier to just put up a broad barrier enchantment around that space than to have some sort of Magic Sensor to pick out if it's being#done and then handle each individual case of it . etc. etc. These sort of things can have their uses (especially for people investigating#things or trying to be secretive about detecting something etc.) but are less common - especially in this form (where visuals are used. itd#be more likely to jsut have like 'piece of metal that gets warm or cool depending on magic nearby'.) ANWAY so this is why it's a notable#object. Though a majority of the realm is not very magic literate - if you were a researcher or a mage and found this at a pawn shop you'd#definitely be like 'oohhh!! :0 inch resting... ' if not you might just be like 'oh cool necklace!' lol#also love the quick 2min ''costume'' for the image of it being used. literally just 'wrap yourself in scarves from the waist up' and slap o#a wig and ears lol#on this blog I guess since it's worldbuilding related and technically art.. maybe more like crafting? I should have a crafts tag lol.. hmm
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embracing the vampire autism i have going on apparently means combing through 500 vtm books and making notes on the lore and contradictions in the lore and potential implications and what was intended to be taken from some things vs things that actually make sense in context/with better research and sorting through what was included for mechanical gameplay vs worldbuilding reasons and combining all of this + the information intentionally left vague so i can form my own ideas into an amalgam of schrodingers canon with which to try to figure out what i personally tend to view as canon in-universe and then still figuring out how to insert the contradictory information/alternate interpretations in as like. character opinion/intentional misinformation/etc.
#The upside to this is i actually really like combing through a bunch of information and sorting through it. in theory.#Lowkey kind of house of leaves/arg feeling#the downside of this is i am being So Autistic about it and it is going to take So Long and also#my desire to be Accurate and the fact that this encompasses so many times and places#means that i am going to want to do So Much only tangentially related researchhelp#and there's already So Many vtm/dark ages books even without getting into the other world of darkness stuff#which at this rate i am probably going to want to get at least somewhat into#because it can canonically intersect with/affect vampire shit at times#mypost#'embracing the vampire autism' i say. as if i havent been visibly careening toward this particular collision for A While#it first i was like. no this isnt the autism. at least not any more than usual. i've always Liked this#this is.... a normal amount of liking something. sure.#.....fuck.#and the issue is. i have. other things to be doing. but here we are.#and instead im like. that unhinged conspiracy board meme from always sunny but with vtm lore#attempting to sort all of it out coherently and borderline comprehensively#which is. kind of fitting for people trying to but together all the different lore and conspiracies in-universe tbh#and kind of reminds me of when i first started researching the occult as a younger teenager#with the like. mountains of information and different loosely interrelated subjects to sift through with various degrees of sketchiness#nostalgic. anyway
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Btw funniest thing to happen in Snake Eater after "I need you EVA............ Because I can't fly the WIG" was finding out, amidst the very poignant and emotional events of the finale, that "Big Boss" isn't a nickname they gave Snake on the field but an actual official title bestowed by the US President. I fell off my chair
#bidonica plays the metal gears#metal gear solid 3#snake eater#Sends me that kojima has like insights and stuff about geopolitics it's not like he's oblivious or skips on research#but he also treats the political institutions like fantasy lore#see also how in death stranding 'president' is this sort of esoteric and possibly hereditary title#reminds me of how nge used biblical themes#like 'yes it's all very cool and interesting i'm going to do what i want with these toys'
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im always in between not considering myself a comic artist and then also when i do make a comic im like wow i love comics
#maybe its cause yk. i get better at it and i feel more comfortable with the process now than i did yk a couple years ago#enrolled in this school barely ever having drawn a comic nor having done much research into the course#just kinda based on ‘i want to draw lots’ and what the application process was like#didnt even really read many comics#and then after a year or two of sorta doing comics wanting to do other stuff but also#occasionally making a comic still#in the end its really not that weird at all i think. the course gives a lot of freedom and make whatever kind of art you want.#im not graduating with a comic for example but rather a sort of transmedia exposition#but then. i also do like comics. learned to like them. i like panelling (but storyboarding is so hard)#above all i think i just love drawing. i want to do more than that as well but an empty piece of paper is my home#its my home! and i love my home
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La squadra's fav perfume hcs pls! And the scent notes as well. Love ya 💖
You have thrown me a curve ball, dear Anon, but you threw it with love and I appreciate it. 💖 I haven't worn perfume in the last fifteen years (I am sensitive enough that they give me a headache), but I am stepping up to bat!
Risotto: In his younger days he never wore perfume beyond occasionally using his father's cologne for bigger events, so he didn't develop a personal taste beyond it. Upon starting a new life in Passione, he became a challenge because his Stand's influence has given his already pungent skin a slightly metallic odor that isn't noticeable without cologne, but immediately cuts into anything floral or fruity. In the end his teammates figured out that an earthy perfume suits him best, usually a sandalwood base followed by herbal heart notes like rosemary or star anise and some peppermint or pine in the top notes, which gives him the reassurance of smelling fresh and clean. He is more fascinated by fruity perfumes all the same, and admires people who wear them well.
Formaggio: As a true jack of all trades, he knows his perfumes well enough that he has some private theories about what your perfume preferences say about you (based on many a one-night stand and short-lived fling). His body odor isn't as strong as Risotto's so he has more room to play, and he will always go for spicy and fruity scent notes because in his opinion, these make you smell the most exciting and the most desirable - ripe for the picking, if you catch his drift. He will go for a vanilla base note to further enhance his favorites, and look for heart notes like strawberry or pear and cinnamon or ginger. He then finishes off with citrusy top notes, usually orange and bergamot. If your perfume smells good enough to eat, he will know he has found a kindred spirit, but he also loves a good floral perfume on principle because you can't go wrong with flowers.
Prosciutto: The Grateful Dead has not only compromised his ability to taste, but also impacted his sense of smell by virtue of proximity, which is one of the few things he's actually self-conscious about. Theoretically he loves the idea of perfume as a complement to your ensemble, but the selection process is tedious guesswork at best, so he has resigned himself to buying highly approved designer brands only. One of the few who not only prefers a strong musk base, but also wears rich scent notes really well in general like amber, vetiver, blackberry or cardamon. Herbal and floral scent notes "wilt" on his skin, but he can appreciate them on a partner by leaning close and focusing on their scent. If he ever catches you wearing something smelly or tacky around him because he "can't tell anyway", he will never forgive you for holding him (and yourself) so cheap. He could and probably has punched people over this.
Pesci: While he's perfectly content to use your run of the mill deodorant or wear anything that seems popular and therefore must be acceptable, he is quite sensitive to other people wearing perfume, and can tell when their chosen scent and natural odor are not in harmony. He can appreciate any sort of perfume that is in harmony with the wearer's skin type, but if pressed a little further, he does have his favorites. Fresh top notes like citrus will always be preferred to floral notes, and ideally these should be followed up by fruity or herbal heart notes depending on the desired vibe, like green apple or basil. He loves a fig base note, perhaps with a touch of vanilla, but only on his partner because he's too embarrassed to wear such a sweet smell himself; a cedarwood base might be a better compromise for him overall.
Ghiaccio: He openly prefers deodorant and body spray to perfume for himself (what other people wear is their business and he won't say a word unless it's downright offensive to him one way or another), but was gently and sometimes not so gently coerced into wearing cologne for more solemn occasions and had to make up his mind about what scent notes were acceptable. Will not be caught dead wearing any type of musk: wood base notes are his go-to, especially pine, and for the heart notes, he prefers to pair that with minty herbs like spearmint, sage or absinthe. The top notes are mostly watery like oakmoss or sea spray, and altogether these give him an almost cold smell that suits his powers as well as his desire to present as cool. He would prefer his partner to either wear something light or nothing.
Melone: Like Formaggio, he has made extensive observations about perfumes and personalities, but also pays more attention to context because he, by virtue of being an underpaid assassin, will usually take what he can get and is perfectly content to wear anything cheap if it catches his fancy at the moment. He's not ashamed to admit that he sometimes uses cooking extracts when he has nothing else on hand. His preferred base notes are vanilla and violet, respectively (he experimented with but never committed to musky or woody base notes), and he likes to blend these with heart notes like lavender, orange blossom or magnolia. The top notes are usually citrus, and altogether they give his tired skin a fresh and naturally sweet glow-up. He appreciates most types of perfume on a partner, though the stronger ones will overwhelm him unless applied in moderation.
Illuso: Possibly has the nicest skin on the team, which seems to be one of those arbitrary blessings of life that requires no effort on his part and only makes him more smug about the fact that he does know his fragrances. He loves a cypress base note for its woody and spicy scent as well as its benefits to a nervous constitution like his, and he's all about those floral heart notes: jasmine and ylang ylang are his prime favorites, the latter sometimes paired with sandalwood. The top notes are also likely to be on the floral side, especially rose or hyacinth, and the overall impression is exotic and alluring. Being a bit of a snob about this, he can get openly judgmental about people's choices, and because he does have enough knowledge to boast, he will give unsolicited though sound advice on scent notes.
Sorbet: If he can, he will wear perfume every day, and he tends to be loyal to his few select favorites, though he always tags along to perfume shops to browse and appreciate the bottle designs. His preferred base notes are patchouli and sugar cane. He loves a sweet smell, and accordingly he tends to go for heart notes that give it character and nuance: think a hint of musk, spices like clove, fruits like coconut, or subtle florals like lily and violet. The top notes are usually citrusy to add some freshness, and occasionally spicy to make him smell almost like a flavored caramel. He scoffs at bland woody colognes and rolls his eyes at the more pronounced floral fragrances unless they have something unique to recommend them, but otherwise tolerates everybody's choices with great composure.
Gelato: He actually doesn't wear perfume on the daily unless Sorbet explicitly expresses a wish for it, and then you will find that to him, the only valid base note is patchouli because that's what he grew up with and he refuses to part from it. That's a strong start already, but he loves to boost that with heart notes like frankincense and myrrh, and the top notes will likely be a citrus like bitter orange or a spice like black pepper. All in all, his favorite colognes have a musky or smoky quality to them that echoes the crowded bars he likes to frequent, and in other contexts gives his presentation an almost somber aspect. He is somewhat unbending in his preferences and finds it a little odd that most people go for lighter blends than he does, but will not make a big deal of it beyond poking fun if he can get away with it.
#jjba#risotto nero#formaggio#prosciutto#pesci#ghiaccio#melone#illuso#sorbet#gelato#squadrah headcanons#squadrah original#love how i get like a one or two line ask and the result is a pages-long essay lmaooo#i laugh but i do love to think about this sort of stuff#and the research is really fun and educational#hope you all enjoy this like comment and subscribe
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very vaguely working on a buffy the vampire slayer au fic rn (that i think will be centered around steddie) where nancy is the slayer, eddie is a vampire, and steve, robin, and jonathan are nancy’s scooby gang
#i’m rewatching btvs rn and when i first thought of the au i was like oh slayer steve and vampire eddie#but it took two seconds to be like. no. nancy is the slayer it can’t be anyone else.#just made for her yk? i do believe very strongly that she and buddy would get along#thinking steve and nancy date like normal but then she finds out she’s the slayer and that’s what makes their relationship crash and burn#with that same sort of arc of her having to grow up too fast and deal with all of this and him not really seeing it#but then much like in st after their breakup he gets pulled into one of the vampire/demon situations and ends up joining the gang#who at that point i think would just be slayer nancy and jonathan who i am considering making a werewolf like oz#robin would be a willow esque witch/wicca methinks but i want the fic to be set when they’re in college#so i’m trying to decide if her and steve meet in high school or if they meet when they both start at hawkins university#and then eddie is a vampire but like. got turned maybe a year or two ago yk#so he’s not centuries old with a bunch of teenagers/freshly 20 year olds bc yuck#slightly spike coded bc. spike <3#can’t decide who i want nancy’s watcher to be tho like would it be hopper?#i guess that would make sense but he doesn’t have the nature of a watcher with like all the books and research and stuff#maybe dr owens??#hell maybe mr clarke???#idk still thinking that one through#they’re def gonna meet argyle at hawkins university tho#and i want chrissy to be there but i haven’t decided what role she’ll play yet#wait…..should chrissy be the slayer…….she’s very buddy coded hold on#oh OH chrissy is another slayer like faith but not homocidal lol#yeah i like that#was thinking ronance endgame too but now i’m wondering about robin and chrissy hmm#many thoughts many thoughts#steddie fic#btvs au#buffy au
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do you ever just
#I’m kind of dying a little but it’s cool#I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today and I feel like I’m kind of regretting it 😖#I went in mostly concerned about my autism and adhd and prepared to talk about/deal with those#but then she ended up prescribing me lexapro for my anxiety#so I went and did a bunch of research on that but I’m kind of terrified of taking it#because it seems like a lot of people get nasty side effects especially at first#and like having anxiety isn’t fun but I can push through that even if I’m an anxious wreck about some things#but like my autism and adhd affect my life a lot more#like being totally overstimulated in public or not being able to hold my focus at all are a lot bigger deal to me#and I’m horrible at communicating with people especially in real time rather than over email or whatever#so I didn’t really properly get across my concerns and just sort of let her prescribe what she wanted#idk now I’m having doubts and I’ve never really taken meds before beyond otc stuff or like the odd strep prescription when I was younger#especially nothing that messes with your brain like this one does#plus I just really don’t do well with not feeling well or not feeling like myself so that kind of freaks me out#and I really should be sleeping rn but I just need to get this stuff off my chest I guess#it’s like things weren’t totally fine the way they were but they were *fine* you know#not changing things is just easier I guess#I just like to be prepared and researched and this psychiatrist took me off guard#I just don’t know what to do now#if anyone’s read this far- has anyone else with audhd taken lexapro for anxiety?#did it go okay?#im kind of scared of it now#😮💨 okay I really need to go to sleep now#anxiety#autism#Adhd#actually autistic#Vent post#i guess? It was really just in the tags
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AND im super excited to add rivers and stuff :]]
#i need to decide if i want it to be a fantasy world or a more realistic one#if its fantasy I keep typing fancy instead of fantasy ugh#anyways. if its fantasy itll be wayyy more world building#bc id have to decide what Kind of fantasy and all of the like#fantasy things would be ON TOP of normal worldbuilding stuff like the politics and the climates and stuff#roy not too much tho.. since either way id have different civilizations#just with each fantasy species id want to take care to make them all have different like. ykwim#my least favorite thing in fantasy is when theyre like And all elves like forests and all dwarves are miners when likee#irl#humans are all the same species but we all do all sorts of different things and have tons of different cultures.. so i hate it when they#just have humans have different cultures and every other race is a monolith like it makes no sense#or they have the humans have one culture ('normal' aka vaguely european) and everybody else gets 1 thats a poorly thought out stand in for#a real one... idt theres anything wrong abt getting inspiration from irl cultures at all as long as you do your research and are respectful#but i find it rly lazy to just be like. and the elves are like chinese people. like ok..? plus i think when you do that yr wayyyyy more#likely to be SO incredibly racist. yk ... its judt somrthing you have to be rly careful abt#but im excited for world build Is the basics of it ^-^ im always thinking Id be normal if i had a big big project so maybe this can be it..
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I have obtained a new oc and in the process I've already signed myself up for needing to make at least 3 new ocs for his story which he now has despite me initially Intending for him to be a side character for a different side character to hang out with. My townhouse has over 200 characters on it.
#rat rambles#oc posting#he doesn't have an official name yet but he is my silly billy and I love him#also take every him with an asterisk again he's like super new (I just got him today)#although several elements of his story so far have been things Ive been wanting to do for a while so thats a part of why I have so many#ideas for him already since its some stuff I've been wanting to play around with for a while#the real reason he has a chokehold on me rn is that I tripped and made him my 500 thousanth character with identity issues#I <3 characters with a fucked up relationship with their sense of self and what it even means to be themself#oh hes also a magic cat world character because thats what like 90% of my ocs are from at this point lol#and another goop related guy but this time not directly related to every other goop guy#he doesnt interact with any of them or even know most of them exist#long story short hes a robot who used to not be a robot but remembers nothing abt his life before he turned himself into a robot#all he has as reference is a mostly ruined journal his past self kept that is almost entirely unreadable due to it getting soaked in goop#he knows that this was self inflicted and his approximate age but that's abt it in terms of useful information#early story is mostly just him traveling alone trying to see if anyone nearby knows who he is but after going through like 5 or so towns he#starts to get more worried and upset about the whole situation and starts trying to look into some different missing person reports in#hopes that he can find one of himself#he runs out of the savings he had on him pretty quickly though so he had to figure out how to stay afloat while doing his research#'luckily' he meets a man while looking into one case he found who was willing to let him stick around at his place while looking into it#this guy had some investment in these dissapearances because he suspected that they related to his father and hoped to find any sort of#window in what he was up to since he hadnt seen him since he ran away at around 17#spoilers his dad is cake this is still connected to cake nonsense because everything in this world fucking does but the main boy himself#actually has no ties to cake or his activities so thats smth at least#but yeah long story short things get. real bad for my boy after the first few months of staying at this guy's place.#yknow how risa in the future was often used as a weapon of war using some unstable chemicals? yeah guess where that started.#mr daddy issue haver over here may understand that his dad is a bad person but evidently that doesnt stop him from being not much better#currently Im planning on having main boy escape eventually and get stuck in the non magic world where he meets april but that could change#it depends on if I want him to interact with the other stories going on at all or not#I probably wont but I would like to leave myself some wiggle room to let him meet more side characters#like (looks with big sad wet eyes) ginger maybe? please? please april? let me see your sister? that you havent seen in years? please?
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Sex Ed Time
ok I'm gonna tell you about some things that might happen if you are transitioning m->f. this is not a comprehensive list just my own experience, be sure to do your own research I just really wanted to voice how this affects me because I think open discussion about this type of stuff is just more helpful for everyone rather than keeping it private
BOOBS HURT WHEN THEY GROW
your sex drive (libido) will probably go down a lot
facial hair is very hard to get rid of
my go-to gender affirming clothing is high-waisted jeans. I suggest going to a goodwill or some sort of cheap store that lets you try on clothes to figure out what you like
muscle mass will go down, fat will be redistributed
boobs do all sorts of crazy stuff when you run / exercise
overtime your skin will get softer, you also might smell nicer, and I've been told it can thin body hair but I don't really see it all that much 🤷
your brain chemistry can change when you reduce testosterone and increase estrogen, there are lots of factors that contribute toward any changes to your personality, but hormones can have an impact as well. for me this is a good thing because I struggle with allowing myself to feel emotions sometimes, no matter how hard I tried I was never really able to get myself to cry. I've gotten closer to being able to cry since I started transitioning though and that makes me very happy
this is a slow process that can take several years, ultimately you're going to be in your body for several years regardless, so if this is something you want it's definitely something you should try to pursue if possible. the time will pass anyways, and it does feel nice to work towards something that can make you happier.
also this is very important, you don't need to do any sort of hormone replacement therapy in order to be trans. not everybody can access HRT, and for those who can access it, not everybody wants to take on all the changes that come with treatments. you don't have to chemically or physically change your body in any way in order to deserve respect
all right that's all I have for right now feel free to add anything in the comments, I would especially like to hear from trans men what your experiences have been, I think openly talking about these types of things can really help some people
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I did have a productive day tbh. I did all my work shit, I made two appointments and I went for a run for the first time in 5 days :)
#i was on the phone to my friend complaining throughout most of the work shit#she was bored at work (she is a cashier at a failing bike shop) and i was also bored at work (proofreading)#i did find out there was some kind of swat team situation in my town though and 3 people got arrested which is crazy#you don’t hear of this type of stuff happening here. they had 5 ambulances. i didn’t even know we HAD five ambulances available. like at all#anyway so the appointments are dentist because i FINALLY got a permanent filling last week but it SUCKS#i mean he covered the area that needs to be covered but there’s a sharp bit and it doesn’t feel secure and the bite is really bad#like the temporary felt better. if he could’ve just.. repeated the temporary but with permanent materials. i’d be fine!#but he decided to freestyle and i really must ask why#i wouldn’t mind but this isn’t an nhs dentist and it’s going to take me a week’s work to pay for this filling and it’s not even good#so i’m going back there and making them sort my shit out#i just hope they don’t have to give me anaesthetic because it took like 4 hours to wear off last time. and the injection site#was really sore! i think it bled at one point. or my gums did. SOMETHING bled. look i couldn’t work out what was going on but it was bad#it hasn’t happened since. is all i know#oh and i also made a physio appointment because the bone spur on my ankle is fucking killing me#i went for a run and felt like i was losing my damn mind because my arthritic knee that has popped out of its socket 4 times previously#wasn’t giving me any trouble at all; but my stupid ankle WAS#i keep trying to research what to do about this but google results are so full of AI garbage i can’t find anything specific#like okay WHAT kind of insoles or orthotics do i need? what type of shoes? what exercises should i be doing???#when i went to pick up my prescription i thought about asking the people at the pharmacy but they were so rude i just aborted that mission#i don’t know what’s gone on but they look at you as if you’ve just stumbled into their living room and started guzzling their ibuprofen#i’m like girl i just want my allergy pills. jesus#personal
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