#with that same sort of arc of her having to grow up too fast and deal with all of this and him not really seeing it

[richhietozier]

very vaguely working on a buffy the vampire slayer au fic rn (that i think will be centered around steddie) where nancy is the slayer, eddie is a vampire, and steve, robin, and jonathan are nancy’s scooby gang

[smash-64]

2024 Game of the Year Countdown #2: The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky Sony PlayStation Portable, 2011

According to my save data, I have not played the first installment of the Trails series in six years! This is quite astounding since I think about Trails on the daily, and going in with all the knowledge I have picked up since last playing it, I am fully enjoying all the little bits of lore that are continually sprinkled throughout the dialogue and story. It makes me wonder exactly how much of the larger story had been planned out when Trails in the Sky was initially released in 2004, as we have now celebrated 20 years of this ongoing and highly interconnected series of 13 games (11 localized). 

Trails in the Sky for the PSP is very much an older style JRPG that would feel at home on the PS1 during the Golden Age of JRPGs. Going back to play it after playing the most modern games reminds me of how much the patience of players has been eroded over the years. You can’t skip battle animations. Menu navigating is slow and saving is slower. There is only a very small amount of voice acting, all reserved for combat phrases and grunts. However, these are simply part of the charm of games from this era, and something that I became accustomed to very quickly. 

The inclusion of voice acting in modern games is a great thing, but I think it can take away from the wonderfully depicted character portraits that are full of emotion and nuance as developers have seemingly decided that having both is not necessary. Falcom has yet to reach the same heights with their 3D animation that they had with these 2D portraits. The subtle differences are really cool and I wish we’d get some sort of return to this at some point. Maybe some sort of mini-installment as a flashback DLC or something? I doubt we’d ever get something like that, but I can always wish.

The first Trails in the Sky game, commonly referred to as FC (First Chapter), is undoubtedly the slowest of slow burns when it comes to JRPGs and Trails games, which is really a thing to behold since Trails prides itself on such things. If you want fast, high-flying and nonstop action, you’re going to be sorely disappointed in this game. Luckily, I was not looking for anything other than a fantastic story and world into which I could dive and be fully immersed. Sky FC is the most charming and immersive entry point to the Trails series. I found myself genuinely wanting to spend time just existing in the Trails world. Walking the streets, visiting the restaurants, seeing the sights, watching the plays. I want to live here!

Estelle Bright remains my all time favorite video game character, and getting to see her grow from a young and inexperienced rookie to a more level-headed senior Bracer by the end of FC was a joy for me. The charm and endearing dialogue that we got in the Sky series has yet to be matched, despite the great work we’ve seen in the Crossbell and Erebonian arcs.

There’s just something that has been somewhat lost as the stories and settings have become larger and with dozens upon dozens of characters. I won’t go too far down that road, but it was refreshing to come back to a much more intimate journey once again.

Players who did not start with Trails in the Sky may find the combat to be a bit difficult at times, especially on higher settings since the games weren’t balanced for anything other than Normal. Aidios help you if you decide to play on Nightmare! I played on Hard with my NG+ save and still had to restart a couple of fights. I didn’t exactly make it easy on myself since I brought the precious cinnamon roll, but absolute glass cannon, Tita Russell, with me to the final gauntlet of boss fights, but I couldn’t pass up putting all my favorites together.

Music plays a key role in JRPGs and Falcom is well known for good compositions. Simple location tunes set the tone wonderfully with songs like “A Cat Relaxing in the Sun” and “Ruan.” Meanwhile, “Sophisticated Fight,” while perhaps a bit overplayed, is a nice break from what many traditional JRPG battle tunes sound like. “Silver Will” is an obligatory inclusion in any Sky music discussion, and “Decision to Leave” brings a soft, sad, distant piano sound to a key moment. However, my favorite is still “Hoshi no Arika,” the song that plays during the credits and closing shots. It fits the mood perfectly and brings a tear to my eye as the game rips me in two, demanding I play the sequel once I recover.

Trails in the Sky is just as good today as it was when I first played it, and it continues to be the best entry point to the Trails series, should anyone who has been blatantly ignoring my pleas for the past few years decided to change their minds. It exudes the same sort of feeling that the Golden Age of JRPGs had and that many people desperately miss in modern gaming. With the announcement of a 3D remake coming in 2025, there is no longer the “it looks old” excuse for JRPG fans. 

[karin-gespenst]

CtM s14e1 first watch immediate thoughts

well that ended better than I had feared it would. Thank you to everyone who posted about the content of the episode, that helped me go in prepared for the story of Paula. While it certainly is upsetting to see how the adults from the church were actively disturbing her instead of helping, I'm glad her parents finally saw that she needed care based on her actual situation instead of some religious belief.

The three different generations of unwed mothers in this episode show how their treatment in society has changed. Millicent had to give up her child and never met him again for decades, pretending that he never existed until his wife was at her front door. Nancy at least got to see her child growing up, and fought her way through all the obstacles that kept them apart. It may not be likely to have happened like this historically, but they are in a good place now and hopefully will have a happy future together. Paula now is going to a mother and baby home, I believe offscreen the midwives gave her some education about her body and now she will have an environment that is meant to support her in the coming time. If that home is the same one that Chummy works in, I believe there's a good chance that both Paula and the baby will be fine in the end. I was impressed how the scenes with Paula and with Colette were cut so close together that it was painfully obvious how young Paula still is. Sister Monica's words about children bearing children were raw and too true.

I'm open to the idea that Roger is a decent person and Nancy and Colette will be happy being in a family with him. It's going to fast for my taste and I blame that on the writers trying to bring Nancy's arc to a close way ahead of the series ending, because they have SO MANY characters to take care of. We haven't had a happily married couple for a while (apart from Turnadette and Fred and Violet - do they have a shipping name?) and supposedly that's what the show is about, or is it?

That religious differences situation with Nancy's future stepmother was interesting to watch, I've recently rewatched Derry Girls and there is certainly a lot of aspects that I won't understand as someone who grew up in a different time and place. I remember thinking that is ridiculous for two persons of different flavors of christian beliefs to be treated like some sort of inconceivably incompatible beings. and it's apparently still a topic today, my uncle and aunt had to get special license from the pope to get married if i recall correctly, and had two different priests at their wedding.

I liked the speaker at the raise the roof meeting, can she come and help Sister Julienne fight for Nonnatus House in the war against the Board?

Did I miss something about how Fred ended up being at the protest? Or was that meant to be a surprise for laughs?

the question of needing another cesarean once you've had one is still a topic today for good reason. All the women in my family who had one with their first baby also needed one for their second, or third. Phyllis being traumatised by the mother who died painfully while she tried to save her is very moving, and I'm glad that Rosalind was able to step in and help. That was a very good job she did there. I can also see how she is struggling with the hard aspects of nursing work, and the intersection with social work. You can be professional and do your best and come up with ideas, but there will always be another suffering person or pain you can't prevent. It's what made me quit social work ten years ago and I still think of the people I tried to help but couldn't because I'm just one person and can't cure everything.

So, Cyril and Rosalind. I understand the compelling elements of the story they have. We haven't had a long term story about an interracial couple yet and I get why they don't want to introduce someone new. With Joyce just going through divorce she's not the best candidate for such a story. Wait - maybe that would be interesting, since Cyril is also in this weird place of being separated and probably working towards divorce in the future. Lucille may have learned about herself that she does not want to be married anymore and prefers staying alone, or taking holy orders or something else. mutual agreement on ending their marriage would be something I can get behind. As I've seen it she never was very keen on finding a husband before Cyril proposed, so I understand if she doesn't want one anymore, especially not in a different country.

the next episode is going to hit hard as well, I guess. while rewatching I notice very much how the show has changed in pacing and how the episodes are more crowded and the ratio of fluff to grit is not always on point. still I'm happy that the show goes on and we meet more patients of the week with their predicaments that still relate to our lives today.

[ihaveforgortoomany]

Druvis and Schneider Parallels, and looking at the end of Chapter Two (why not?) + more on Schneider in general

Being two characters we met in the same patch, both characters do have a couple of similarities to each other that I wanna just yap about + talking about the ingame impact of Schnieder.

Both have (had I guess in terms of Druvis) a strong desire to help their families, whether it was Schneider's desire to protect their family at all costs therefore going to the Manus and for Druvis it was (other than her desire to protect the forests and love for them) a desire to aid her family in times of financial crisis in the form of developing her arcanum, then afterwards with FMN seek out the truth of the fire and who caused it.

Aesthetic wise both pull from the "flapper" movement of the 1920s, their shorter hairstyles are a big signature of developing women's fashion in this era.

The connection that Druvis developed the pristols Schneider uses when we met her. (Speculation: Arcana had approached both FMN and Druvis at the same time similar to the Dittasdorfs and Heinreich in Chapter Six, or FMN was approached alone and then told Druvis about it. Schneider likely after being rejected by the Foundation sought after FMN to join the Manus to protect her family, eventually leading to her meeting Druvis and obtaining her signature guns. )

(Headcanon: If Vertin ever comes to the point to need better protection or the situation becomes dire enough, Druvis will likely be the one to fashion guns for Vertin, maybe in the style of Schneider's, actually Vertin probably does have those guns somewhere, Schneider wouldn't have left them in the mansion or somethin)

Their relation to Vertin: argubly Vertin had met the both of them at their lowest points, vulnerable to the Manus and seeing no other option to join the Manus for their respective desires. Vertin offers salvation and shelter to the both of them, but tragically it is only one of them who is able to survive.

Druvis by the end of Chapter Two does reach a sort of conclusion by the end, resolving to look to the future for the first time since the fire instead of looking back into the past like Forget Me Not. This growing resolve plays a large part in helping Vertin pass the Reformation Bill in Chapter 4, she is (alongside the efforts of Iliya and Z) the one to spearhead the coup against Constantine.

For Schneider, what conclusion are we left at? Her arc in Chapter One and Two follows a tragic attempt to save her family, failed by the Foundations and Manus that all leads to aiding Vertin against FMN and Arcana. And after? In those six hours Schneider can only hope someone would remember her.

Again either Im overstretching but why specifcally is her last will is to be remembered? Its a depressing thought that she desire to be remembered, maybe a desire for her efforts to not be in vain, she effectively had failed in saving her family from the Storm, Mariam might have been saved from the Manus but truly they were all doomed regardless.

Whats also tragic about Schneider is how long she keeps up a brave facade in the face of this, her flirty attitude rarely ever breaks,the exception bring Arcana torturing both her and Vertin in the oranges scene, and in general around Vertin by the latter half of the Chapter (the umbrella scene and the last scene).

Even in these 24 hours and less of interacting with Schneider, her last moments break away from the facade of the Mafia leader and the flirtations to someone very scared of disappearing, terrified of being forgotten to desire at least one person to remember her. (It being Vertin likely because she is the only or first person to offer genuine help to her, someone forced to grow up too fast finally finding someone to depend on, even if its inly six hours)

(This is the end of the main analysis below is just pure ramble, speculation and copium)

Additional thoughts

On the topic of Schneider, its common knowledge she was playable in Beta but removed due to complaints in CN about a "dead" character being playable. We also know how well integrated aspects of the UI, menus, dailies, Wilderness and etc are incorporated into the lore and story (example being character profiles being interviews by UTTU).

Knowing that Schneider being playable was intended alongside the story (Chapter 1-4 being available from launch) with her psych cube being present as well. (Was she even placed in any banners? )

Right I sound like Im on copium but Bluepoch intending Schneider being playable in spite of her fate in the story means they likely had a in universe explanation for her to be reversed but still appear in the suitcase - now the lore implications of this are big. (Theories on different timelines or versions go brr here I guess) They had a reason for Schneider to be in a situation like this, but enough willingness to remove her playability entirely and gave her kit to someone else (was it Melania right?).

Heres the questions - would there have been a lore explanation for Schneider post-Ch 2 appearing in the suitcase? If yes does that mean either story could have experienced adjustments following her removal? Or later down the line we will get a character that was reversed by the Storm but appears in the suitcase?

(theres still the infected section in the Atlas that including CN no one is in BUT this section has been there since release) Storm inflicted going here would be crazy and Im pretty sure someone on reddit has brought up the idea.

Expect a more coherent post after this, i have just a bunch of stuff I wanna put down and talk about.

[kaxenart]

for the character ask questions, 3 for Ibarra, 5 for Temir, 10 (is probably spoilers so i won't be sad if you skip it but) for Finn, 19 for Kergat, and 20 for whoever you want

3. What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

I did face first. This is the oldest pic of Ibarra. I tend to make a face first and figure out the rest as I go, on account of being a bit of a visual thinker.

5. How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

I was considering the name "Temi" but I didn't think that sounded tough, so I went looking for names with the same starting letters lol

Temir (and variants of it Timur, Demir, etc) means iron. And I think that fits for a guy who is very hardened. But you also need to take care of iron or it's gonna rust.

Not much in-universe justification. He has an ancestor from the Middle East/Western Asia.

His first name Tomorrow came a lot later. I just wanted something slightly odd and embarrassing.

One of my teachers in high school said he used to know someone named Thursday because her mom procrastinated naming her as a baby and you can't leave the hospital with a nameless baby, and didn't think anything else up by the time Thursday rolled around.

Tomorrow was named for similar reasons. His mom was stressed out and blanked out on the names she did plan and asked the Nurse Bot if she could name him tomorrow and the Nurse Bot took it literally and with a baby named, promptly booted Temir and his mom out of the hospital for having insufficient health insurance to pay for more days.

But it's a sort of fitting name for Temir's mom's attitude towards life, constantly trying to keep Temir's spirits up and insisting tomorrow is gonna be better.

10. What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

lol yeah that's too many spoilers to answer thoroughly. Growing a backbone will be attempted at some point.

19 What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

Kergat is hot. lol

I feel like her giant puppy eyes get kind of out of hand when I draw her. Her eye size in page 1 vs the recent pages is very stark. lol

20 Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

I have no idea where to cram in Temir actually wearing the non-uniform fits I like to draw.

Maybe he gets sponsored by a fast fashion company lol

[elijahs-dumps]

Cassandra and her villain arc; was it bad? Let's discuss... (Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure)

Just wanted to say before we dive in, I'm currently working on a piece about Gonzo from the Muppets and some Hazbin Hotel stuff too. So stay tuned;)

Cassandra was mainly portrayed as snarky, cold, and even a little rude. She's almost a perfect opposite to Rapunzel, which makes them interesting friends. And it's nice that Rapunzel has another girl she can rely on, since I personally believe female friendships are important in media. Within the TV series, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, Cassandra is often seen budding heads with Eugene or helping with Rapunzel's misadventures. And as the show goes on, we see Cassandra actively looking out for Rapunzel more and more.

Even though Cass states many times in the first two seasons that she loves and cares for Raps, their relationship is quite unstable through out the show even before she became a main antagonist. Let's take a look at their relationship pre-season two to get a better understanding:

For example, in The Challenge of the Brave (S1 E4) when Raps joins the challenge, Cass feels like Raps is being a bad friend by trying to win something that means so much to her. She's annoyed by Raps' ignorance, and jealous of the admiration Raps is receiving. Yet, Cass never even told Raps how much the contest means to her. So instead of communicating her feelings, Cass starts to act more snappy with Raps and actively tries to get Raps eliminated from the game. However, it's not unreasonable for Raps to be unaware of Cass' wishes, especially since she struggles with social cue. Regardless of the fact that Cass should've been more patient with Raps, I think this episode would've been nice foreshadowing to her change of heart in season three if they didn't try to paint Cass as the victim in this episode. I don't understand why only Raps apologized, when they both should've acknowledged their wrongs.

In Under Raps (S1 E9), Rapunzel tries to make Cass feel better about being single by making her things and showing her appreciation for Cass. When this happens, Cass sort of gets annoyed for no reason even though Rapunzel's intentions are sweet. She doesn't even really verbalize if Raps is pushing boundaries or not, she's just... frustrated?

This doesn't relate to Rapunzel directly, but in Great Expotations (S1 E8) Cass uses Varian to get what she wants. Even though she does make up for it, it's still a testament to her character. Cass often acts without thinking about how others might feel or think, and the way she treats Raps in season one is a prime example of that. She does take into account how naive and ignorant Raps can be, but she refuses to show any patience for it as Raps recovers from literally being isolated for eighteen years. And Cass is supposed to be Raps' best friend! It's the same with Varian. You see, Cass isn't really a bad person. She just wants her moment in the spotlight, her moment to prove herself. In these episodes, that's often what drives her to make these mistakes towards her friends. This would be a great character flaw, and an interesting writing concept. But this show keeps having Cass in this same situation again and again, and she never grows from it. It gets old very fast.

Not to mention, Cass also tried to force Raps not to tell Eugene how she got her hair back when it first happened. All because Cass "doesn't trust Eugene". I thought this was strange, because I don't really know what kind of friend asks someone to lie to their significant other.

In the flashback episode, Beginnings (S3 E6), we learn that Cass never wanted to be friends with Raps to begin with, and there was a lot of guilty undertones on Cass' part of the relationship at least in its early stages from what we can see. Raps clearly latched onto Cass way too fast, because she was still fresh out of the tower when they met. And Cass wasn't ready to be what Raps needed (which was therapy). Cass was Raps' first friend besides Pascal, and I don't understand why Cass would take on that role if she wasn't going to put in the effort to at least try and be compassionate and understanding with Raps.

Moving on to season two, Cass didn't really do anything of substance until The Great Tree episode (S2 E14) which is a little weird in hindsight. But I thought her insecurities about needing to prove herself and how she always feel second place to Raps were pretty justified. We saw a couple times through out the series that people preferred Raps over Cass, or gave Raps opportunities when Cass worked harder for them. Still, I don't feel like that's Raps' fault. Waiting in the Wings did a perfect job of illustrating Cass' feelings on this subject, and it even made me like her more as a character because it gave her so much more depth. Still, the song talks about how Cass is going to keep waiting until her moment in the sun arrives no matter what, which contradicts her villain arc quite a bit considering the fact she did not wait at all. Anyway, I think Cass trying to insinuate that Raps doesnt trust her judgement anymore in these episodes was BULLSHIT. Raps clearly loves and values Cass, and trusts her completely. All Raps did was mkae a call that Cass didn't agree with, I dont think this meant that Raps wasn't listening or wasn't trusting Cass. The two of them simply disagreed on it, which they do all the time.

Technically, the thing that pushes Cass off the edge is the fact that she finds out she's Mother Gothel's biological daughter. But there was one other incident that set this villain arc into motion before the episodes within the House of Yesterday's Tomorrows. Cassandra's hand wound from Rapunzel.

When Cass injuries her hand during the final fight within the Great Tree, she blames Raps for it even after they talk it out and apologize. I didn't understand this at all, because yes Cass warned Raps not to use the decay incantation. But it's not like they had any other choice! And Raps was not in control of herself or the tree when Cass got injured. Not only this, but Raps also told Cass to leave before anything even happened. Why is Cass upset with Raps for not listening to her when she wouldn't listen to Raps either?

The season three opening episode, Rapunzel's Return (S3 E1), shows us exactly what Cass saw in the House of Yesterday's Tomorrows. We learn that Cass is Gothel's real daughter, and this is a huge turning point in the series. Because in this episode, Cassandra's entire villain arc stopped being about her own struggles and insecurities and how she's felt second place to Rapunzel this whole time, it became about the fact that Gothel chose Raps over Cass. I felt like this was a lazy writing choice, to make it seem like Cass' feelings of being inferior to Raps are more justified. But honestly, I think her villain arc could've stood well on it own if they just planted to the smaller seeds of doubt earlier on, and didn't involve Gothel in it. Of all people. Gothel is a naturally selfish woman who would never do anything that doesn't serve some kind of purpose for her. I find it hard to belief she kept Cass around simply to do house work around her cottage instead of just dumping Cass at an orphanage of some kind.

I also feel the need to mention the fact that Cass was absent for almost 12 episodes in a row, during what is supposed her season as the antagonist and her moment to have the spotlight, probably has something to do with why her writing in season three came out so half-baked. Combining this with the fact that her change of heart was only really hinted at in maybe five out of the forty-five episodes, episodes in which the conflict involving Cass' character is always resolved by the end, makes her entire villain arc seem out of character at first glance.

This season went to great lengths to make Cass' actions and attitude as nasty as possible, especially by having her show no remorse or doubts after Be Very Afraid (S3 E9). This is on of the reasons her redemption arc fell flat.

In A Tale of Two Sisters (S3 E14), we see the last bit of Cass' doubt be outweighed by her need to blame someone for the way Gothel abandoned her. So, she blames Rapunzel. But Cass knows Gothel was sick and abusive towards Raps, and she also knows it's not Raps' fault she was kidnapped. After all their years of friendship, I didn't buy the concept that Cass would let her anger manifest in a way that would blame Raps for a traumatic event that happened to both of them.

While I'm well aware that Zhan Tiri has been manipulating Cass since the House of Yesterday's Tomorrows, it still didn't make Cass's villain arc anymore believable for me. It felt like the show's way of trying to excuse its own crappy writing.

Once a Handmaiden (S3 E16) is when Cass realizes Zhan Tiri has been manipulating her since the beginning, and begins to regret her choices. So Cass disguises herself as Rapunzel's current handmaiden to try and find a way to extend some kind of olive branch. This gives us a little more insight into the headspace Cass has been in these past few months, and it gives the audience more room to sympathize with her (especially in the play scene). Yet, when Zhan Tiri reveals Cass to everyone and the guards start attack her, Cass is quick to become incredibly angry, even though Raps was trying to call off the guards. Cass literally takes over the entire kingdom, almost killing hundreds of people after spending the whole day bonding with Raps like old times. While I have issues with the amber-firing machine Varian made, I feel like the switch up with Cass in this episode was absolutely insane.

Cassandra's redemption arc, if you can even call it that, completely fell apart because it was so rushed. It was similar to Varian's redemption arc in that sense, but even though Varian's redemption arc had flaws he was able to sort of get away with it. Varian's villain arc was shorter than Cass', his crimes weren't as bad as Cass'. and he served at least a year in jail anyway. Cass served no punishment for her actions and got to leave Corona scot-free. This also plays into the constant contradiction Cassandra goes through this season of soul-crushing remorse vs homicidal rage.

Considering Cass was one of our main three characters for the entire show, I just think she deserved better when it finally came time to give her some more depth and complexity. But what do you guys think? Do you think Cassandra's time as an antagonist was poorly executed? How do you think they could've fixed it? Feel free to let me know!

[kittenmoth]

I'm very disappointed that centaur zuko is a dragon but centaur toph isn't a badger

Sorry! Zuko is a dragon due to how I made the Royals in the verse have super special specialness via being dragon bloods. Zuko and Azula were legit "born to be special" and Zuko in this verse feels he doesn't live up to the task. It's sort of how I incorporated the whole "the royal family is blessed/favored by Agni" thing to this AU. The only dragons in this world are those who descend from the royal family, hence why Jet mentions how "being a dragon just means he's a royal".

This is also why he's able to pass as other species though, you don't see a dragon every day. You kind of assume if they don't have horns or are a weird color they're probably some other kind of lizard hybrid, and Zuko spends the majority of the first arc with his horns sawn off as part of his banishment. They regrow quickly once he joins Azula and goes home because dragon horns just be like that and grow back kinda fast if not continuously filed back down. This is also why he has a larger set in some pictures and none/smaller sets in others.

Toph isn't a badgermole because Toph learns from them the same as in the show. Where Zuko was legit born to be special and powerful and fails to embody it in ways his Father and he himself wants, Toph just says "screw fitting the mold" and learns to be powerful and do things outside of her "nature" by finding the origin of her element without being directly related to it in the same sense Zuko is. I did originally consider making her a badger or something similar but having her be a more unassuming animal felt like it fit her origin a bit better. The whole "small and frail" image society had of her. Zuko later learns from the original dragons, too, just like in the show. Because despite being dragons themselves in a way the royals have not honored their elements origin through anything but boasting appearances in a long time.

Hybrids of the original benders of course did exist at one time, and maybe still do, but they would likely be much rarer now after the Fire Nation started the war and are probably also more limited to people who have a special link to the origins. I haven't put much thought into that yet, beyond that the Fire Nation probably makes it very unsafe to be a descendant of those lines due to wanting all the power over them? Still world building on that part.

Toph really ends up helping Zuko accept that he doesn't have to just be the perfect whatever he is in this verse as well. She learned to be herself despite what she was born to be in the eyes of others, she helps Zuko understand that he can learn to be who he is despite the same. Sibling energy wins the day.

Basically, Zuko was purposefully made after what his bending element came from because it puts the pressure of perfection on him. Toph isn't because Toph just learns it from them herself because Toph is awesome and special in a different way. Her own way. The way she chose for herself in a way. Zuko thinks he is stuck trying to fit in a slot he's not made to fit, Toph just punched a hole to make it fit herself because she can and wanted to and who was gonna stop her?

Hope I explained this well enough to get the idea across, sorry if it's nonsensical and rambly I just woke up lol. I'll elaborate if something doesn't make sense. But this is the general idea I had behind why Zuko matches his elemental origin but no one else does. At least no one we've seen in the main Gaang.

[jonquilyst]

Several weeks ago I wrote how I was writing the hardest part of my story. If you've been following along, by now you can probably guess what that hardest part is: the pairing of Megyn and Jayden.

As I stated in that post (without directly mentioning it), this love arc was planned since the very beginning and was always meant to happen, but it's been a very difficult arc for me to write. This post is pretty long and wordy, so if you want to read about why, then you can read on below the cut:

TLDR: It was super challenging to write Megyn becoming willing to become Jayden's partner because of her trust issues/past trauma and the fact that Jayden was inspired off of a person I ended up breaking up with last summer.

So, this arc was incredibly difficult for several reasons, the first being the challenge of Megyn becoming willing to become Jayden's partner. I wanted their coming together to be rocky. For Megyn to be unsure because she has trust issues related to her trauma growing up, but she would come around anyway. I really had no idea how I would do that until I was actively writing the arc.

I think I've just been afraid of having this go too fast or having this be out of Megyn's character because I've established that it can be incredibly difficult for her to open up to others, but at the same time I wanted her to overcome that and her trust issues/anxiety. For Megyn to realize that Jayden really is a good person to be with and that sometimes, it's okay to embrace change and to try something new

That is what I want the pairing of Jayden and Megyn to be. Megyn opening up, overcoming her trust issues, and embracing the evolution of her relationships. I really, really hope I've achieved in sending this message because I've been pretty insecure about the execution of this pairing for a while now.

Also, I wanted to break stereotypes with Jayden, as he sort of looks like a "bad boy" (esp since he's a POC) when in reality he's an absolute cinnamon roll who just happens to have a mohawk and pierced ears.

The second reason is more personal. Last summer, I had a falling-out with the person that heavily inspired the character of Jayden. I won't get into detail but yes, we were in a (brief) relationship and we were very close, and after everything went down I realized I could no longer go back to being friends with him, so we parted ways.

This experience really changed the way I thought about the eventual pairing of Megyn and Jayden. They were primarily based on what I thought we'd have and now that he's gone, I had to rethink about how I would write about pairing them together. It's been difficult as I grieve the departure of this person. I miss him every day, but I know we're better off apart.

However, even though Jayden is inspired off of a person I no longer talk to, he is still a separate entity and he is NOT this person. I still love Jayden a lot. He's my boi and I knew I wanted to continue on with having him pair with Megyn because again, I had it planned since the very beginning and I felt it wouldn't be fair to him to scrap this arc because he's based off of a person who I fell out of love with.

So yeah, that's why this arc has been so hard for me to write, but I wrote it anyway for the sake of healing from my breakup and for the characters I love very much.

Thank you all for the love and support. I really hope you're looking forward to what I have planned for these two 💖

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 28 – Finna by Nino Cipri

This was another slim book I picked up basically blind entirely so I had something fast on hand to read. Unfortunately, didn’t work out nearly so well for me as most of the other’s I’ve read. Which is a shame, because the fundamental idea behind it is incredible, or at least seemed like an excuse for a kind of ridiculous pulpy adventure that was just made for me.

So, the story’s about a pair of 20-something queer dead-enders working at a bigbox furniture story that is similar to but legally distinct from Ikea. The Monday after they broke up, they find themselves both working a shift at the same time. And, even more awkwardly, after a transient wormhole forms and a customer wanders into a parallel universe’s not!Ikea, the two of them are volunteered to go rescue the wold woman. From this follows adventures through wild and deadly alternate realities, self-discovery, realizing how much there is out in the world, post-breakup reconciliation, a moment of dramatic self-actualization-through-heroic-sacrifice, and so on and et cetera.

Now, there are good qualities to this book, but I will be honest that the weeks since I’ve read it have dulled my memory of everything except the petty annoyances. So this review is basically just going to be complaining about what I thought didn’t work or irked me out of all proportion to its significance. Okay? Okay.

So fundamentally this feels like this could have been a fun, cheesy absurd comedy about some #relatable millennials trapped in retail purgatory and all its kafkaesque upbeat cheer. Tragically it was written by someone whose memories or ideas of what that’s like were warped by too many years on twitter and around people being professionally writer for the book to ever really ring true (to me, at least).

Or, possibly better put, it felt like the book was trying to tell me what sort of story it was and what emotional journeys its characters were going on and what it was trying to satirize more than it ever followed through on any of it? Which is pretty unhelpfully vague as a complain, I’m aware.

More concretely, the emotional arc of the two leads just felt incredibly rushed – these did not feel like two people who had had a messy breakup after an incredible hurtful argument three days before! They were, at most, slightly awkward around each other, and inside of fifty pages they were friends again. Which was just deeply emotionally unsatisfying for what the back cover sold the book as, or for my own desire for my messy drama generally. More generally, they both theoretically have flaws, but you only know this because the narration keeps explicitly saying what they are and how they’re growing past them instead of them ever really, like, meaningfully fucking them over or causing them to be unsympathetic.

Our protagonist also just had an utter surfeit of self-knowledge – her internal monologue sometimes reads more like the author’s notes on the character’s passions, neuroses and flaws than anything anyone would actually think about themselves. Especially someone in her position. And all the therapy-speak just really made me grind my teeth (not least because whatever the book says, there’s no way she’d able to afford the regular therapist sessions she apparently has on regular retail wages. Which is a minor thing but a) it really does annoy me, and b) it feels telling.)

And, fundamentally, the book just kind of took itself too seriously? Or, more properly, given how utterly absurd the premise and most of the set-pieces were, it just wasn’t nearly funny enough. Or horrifying enough, if you wanted to go the other way – there’s the raw material for some decent creepypasta style horror there, but that would kind of undercut how wholesome and uplifting nad etc the narrative’s clearly supposed to be.

So yeah, ended up using some amazing conceits and occasionally great visuals to construct a pretty tepid adventure story around an emotional core that didn’t feel real to me. What a pity.

[little-peril-stories]

Happy STS! So if you don't mind, imma keep asking questions about The Queen of Lies until the big day arrives (whenever that may be!) Consider me your unofficial hype machine.

What was the biggest challenge or difficulty you encountered in the course of writing TQOL that you didn't have when writing TPOT? Did it surprise you? And why do you think it was an issue here and not in the original story?

Thank you, Claire, for the ask! Happy STS! Even though it's Wednesday!! I super do not mind, and I'm sorry I took a while to get to this. I'm staying with family and my free time always gets kind of messed up when that happen.

I love having you as my unofficial hype machine and I appreciate it so so much!!! 💕

This is such a good question. I have been pondering it for days. I kinda got rambling so I'll add a Read More to avoid taking up too much real estate on the dash.

One thing I struggled with: writing Will so that his snark and defiance still felt fun and fresh despite the fact that we've met him in this way before, but also writing Will so that he still felt like the same person. His character arc is really different in TQOL, and his struggles and suffering are largely (though not entirely) of a different sort as well. We get to see a different side of him for at least part of the AU, and I guess I feared accidentally just making him into a whole new character. I still want him to feel like himself.

(Of course, this wasn't an issue for TPOT because it was the first time I was writing him and I had nothing to 'keep consistent' to.)

So...yeah. Keeping the characters consistent from TPOT to TQOL was a big challenge. Colette also got a bit of this; she definitely reads a little different in the AU, although there are plot reasons why, and I did pull from one (TPOT) scene in particular to explore one aspect of her character we really only see once(ish) in TPOT.

I didn't worry about this for Breanna because as far as I'm concerned, she is a different person, and this story is of how she grows into someone far more like Bree.

If I'm being honest, my biggest challenge with TQOL is happening, like...now. I've started my readthrough and will soon be preparing to post it. The story just kind of fell out of me, so fast that I didn't have much time to second-guess myself, but that's all coming out now.

is it realistic enough? (super did not care about this while writing TPOT; now there are some things I would edit out)

was I too mean to [character] in [x] chapters? (in TPOT, there are like 2 things from early in the story that I feel were either 'too mean' or 'not realistic' and I may very well edit them out, but I didn't have this concern. Even though I was, like, really mean to the characters.)

did I do enough time period research? (super did not care about this for TPOT. enjoy your anachronisms. yum yum.)

did I treat [x] subject with the appropriate amount of sensitivity, care, and respect? (in TPOT, I really only had this concern with *that one chapter* but with TQOL, there's a few things I'm nervous about)

even though I knowingly and purposely repeated some plot elements/tropes because I wanted to see if I could / because I just wanted to, will readers see that as cheap or lazy? (n/a to TPOT)

is there enough whump for the whump people? (n/a to TPOT. there is whump aplenty in there)

is the romance executed well enough for the romance people? (lol in TPOT I was allergic to Bree & Will's romance until the bitter end so this was...not really on my mind)

and the list goes on.

Thank you so much for your question. It made me think a lot!

[flanaganfilm]

hi mike, saw someone say your ask box was open and i came running! have you ever had any ideas as to how the crain family would be getting on now a few years later/what they're doing? it's always in the back of my mind wondering if creators also wonder about those sort of things themselves once their project has ended. thanks so much & hope you have a great day!

I do think about that. Quite a lot, actually.

The Crains took on lives of their own for me. I'd never written long form before, so it was the first time I lived with the same characters for that long, and for such extended arcs. Here's where I think they are, a few years later:

Shirley: I think that Shirley and her husband overcame her disclosure of infidelity. She'd been closed off for so long, after the series ended I think she found some peace in her life and opened herself up to her marriage. I think she also began to find kindness again. They ran the funeral home together, but Shirley found purpose in helping people handle grief and loss with empathy and kindness. Her oldest would be just about ready to start college now, and I think that would have her looking back and realizing that she always remembered her childhood as seemingly endless... but now she sees just how fast it truly goes by.

Luke: Luke stayed sober. He's six years into it now, and it's gone so well that he's also become a sponsor. That doesn't mean he's immune to the struggle, far from it. He still walks up to that edge sometimes. Oddly, it's in those moments that the "Twin Thing" kicks in... and he feels an inexplicable and complete sense of love. He knows that's Nell's, and that always pulls him back from the brink. He never did find Joey, or find out what happened to her. And sometimes he still wakes up with nightmares that he's on the floor of the Red Room, or that Joey visits him with her runny-egg eyes. But no matter how hard it gets, he feels what Nell feels for him... and that always pulls him through.

Theo: Theo and Trish got married, and moved far away from New England. They currently live in Portland. She still works with children, but enjoys a much smaller patient pool. She specializes in the kids who are hardest to reach, and she's sought after for her unique and uncanny ability to connect with them. She doesn't wear gloves anymore, but she still avoids the very crowded places. She and Trish take long hikes, grow their own pot, and travel frequently and spontaneously. They're considering a surrogate... and if it's a girl, they're going to name her Eleanor.

Steven: Steve and Leigh have two kids, and are thinking they might stop there. He never wrote about what happened at Hill House, but he still writes. Science fiction. Leigh recommended the genre as a way for him to focus on the future, not the past. He likes it a lot. It's pulpy, but it's earnest. He maintains Hill House, as it is his responsibility, but he doesn't enter the property beyond the gates. He has a rotating collection of people service the property itself, always during the day, and only for a few hours at a time.

Hill House stands quietly and silently in the hills. There is something different about it. Still the same energy, but without the malice. Steve assumes this is because of Hugh, Nellie and Olivia, who maybe curb the most malicious energies of the house from within. While shadows still walk in the windows at night, there are no living souls there to see them. Mostly, Steven imagines the spirits inside spend most of their days sleeping. And if they cannot sleep, he imagines Mrs. Dudley singing softly to them on the wind.

There is grief, for all of them. There are nightmares. Horrible dreams of moldy rooms and phantom hands. They meet twice a year, usually without spouses, to catch up and raise a glass to Nell, and their parents. There is a lot of healing still to do, a lot of therapy, a lot of introspection. But there is peace, too. There is love. There is forgiveness.

[concerningwolves]

omg art i just saw your tags on the animorphs post you rb-d: are you a fellow animorphs fan?? who was you favourite character? which book was your favourite? and what did you think of the ending?

ahh Ari hi!! Yes absolutely I am a fellow animorphs fan! It's the first thing I can remember getting Really Autistic about, actually. I found one of the books in a charity shop when I was in middle school (I just remember it was a Jake POV book) and I have vivid memories of going to my friends on the field during break asking "are you visser three? are you visser three??" and explaining about these shapeshifting kids to anyone who would listen – or, well. More often anyone who wouldn't listen, but I digress. Then in 2021 I downloaded all 54 books and (re)read them over the course of like three weeks, sometimes I was getting through three or four books a day. It sure was A Time lmao.

I imprinted hard on Tobias in middle school (which on rereading I realised was because there was something deeply resonant to me, an undiagnosed autistic child, about how he struggled to be human). I still love him so much, but I actually found myself getting quite attached to Marco on the reread which was? not at all what I expected?? I've literally just seen your post where you quote him on ruthlessness, and I think that actually captures why he appeals to me now. I'm a Big Fan of ruthless characters now and I wasn't as a child, but also there's just this particularly delightful sort of tragedy to his character in that like.. he had to grow up really fast, even before the plot of the books started (as did Tobias and Ax, and they're also my faves so. I think it's obvious I have A Type here), because the way things were with his dad basically parentified him. I also love the comparisons between him and Rachel in the types of ruthless they are; they're both very much of the Do Whatever It Takes mindset, but Marco is the one who plans the What It Takes part while Rachel is the Do It element, and that makes my narrative foil-loving nerd brain go BRRR.

I truly can't pick a favourite book, which I wish I could say is because I loved them all but really it's because my memory is simply quite bad 😔. But! The one where they meet the Howlers haunts me and I think about it regularly.

As for the ending my brain sort of. Breaks. Every time I try to have coherent thoughts about it because there is just So Much going on up there. The two points that stick out to me are the different paths that Cassie and Jake took, and Rachel's death. I loved that Cassie and Jake didn't get a happy ever after-type ending together; Applegate said that the war had changed them too much, and she stuck by that when I think a lot of children's authors would have walked it back for the sake of making readers happy.

Meanwhile Rachel's death felt like it made sense and it fit with the tragic feel of the books, but I also spend silly amounts of time wondering what if she hadn't died. What if she'd survived, how on earth would she have gone back to life afterwards? Could she have? Like, her entire character arc had gone beyond this point of no return; she embodied the war on the yeerks in a way that none of the other kids did, and her death sort of symbolised the death of that war, so maybe she had to die. Maybe it would have been even more tragic if she had lived, and spent years afterwards trying to find something to give her the same rush of adrenaline that she'd come to feel as normal (and even to crave). I don't know. It's an entirely too thorny question for me to ever unravel in a satisfactory way, I think.

But then again, the entire series is one big tangle of thorny dilemmas without satisfactory answers. That's why it's so good.

[frauleinandry]

okay, here’s my follow-up to this post. I had a lot of minor gripes with the third semester. so, what would I do differently? well, the big change I’d make is that I’d slap on half a month, and add an extra palace. who’s palace? well, you’ll find out later on in the post, though it probably won’t be a surprise.

under a cut, because it is  l o n g

... before I get into that however, let’s rewind a bit and talk about kasumi/sumire. like I said in my previous post, while I thought maruki was integrated well into the pre-existing persona 5 narrative, kasumi... kinda wasn’t. to some degree, it was probably intentional - there was meant to be something off about her - but in the end, it just meant half of sumire’s screen time wasn’t even really her, and the rest of it we got was compressed into such a small amount of time, its impact got watered down.

to fix this, I’d blend kasumi into the persona 5 story a bit more, and show some cracks in maruki’s actualisation pre-third semester. to do that, I’d have her accompany the rest of the phantom thieves down to the bottom of mementos (assuming you’ve met the requirements for the third semester, of course). after shido’s change of heart, kasumi notices that the public reaction is... really bloody odd. after all, she’s been worried that the general populace would grow too reliant on the phantom thieves, but then they pull off their biggest heist yet, and the public don’t react at all. realising something’s fishy, she goes to leblanc, and upon hearing they plan to steal the public’s heart, offers to join them.

that means just you get to use akechi for a palace pre-third semester, you get to use kasumi too - even if neither of them are really themselves. cinematic parallels, go! admittedly, I wouldn’t involve her much in the plot, outside of maybe being unusually rattled by the prisoners in mementos (after all... even if she doesn’t consciously realise it, sumire’s also given up on her life too). this is really the culmination of the thieves’ character arcs after all, not hers.

on that note... when the phantom thieves get banished to the velvet room and regain their spirits of rebellion after joker finishes chatting to them, kasumi... doesn’t. joker can’t get through to her, and it’s implied maruki’s actualisation has temporarily worn off, and she’s far too depressed to rally herself for the final boss. no fear, though - igor assures the phantom thieves that if they stop yaldabaoth and separate mementos from the real world, she should reappear in reality.

from that moment, things go as they do in canon... until we hit the third semester! the very start would be the same, with the phantom thieves under maruki’s spell and akechi going to joker, but instead of kasumi noticing the odaiba palace in the real world, she notices one located at her gymnasium. hmm, I wonder who that could belong too?!

yeah - before we get to maruki’s palace, we clear sumire’s first (not that they know who’s it is, at the time). It would be a stage/auditorium/theatre of some sort, and something would be really off about it. firstly, the palace ruler is missing, and despite it being a traditional theatre, there’s a lot of weird, machine-like tentacles infesting the place...

I don’t have too many ideas about the gameplay mechanics of the place, other than that you’re restricted to the royal trio for the whole thing, and you can only explore so much of the palace at once before the next section is cordoned off until the next day. Akechi, who wants to get this over and done with, insists they visit it daily until they clear it, as he’s weirded out by what’s happened to reality. so, no breaks - the palace is meant to feel a bit gruelling after all.

before each palace visit, joker automatically visits the phantom thieves and hints to them that things aren’t as they seen as in canon (except without wasting a whole day wandering around with no fast travel, folks). In the evenings, we also gets snapshots of how maruki’s reality has changed things for maxed out confidants (aka takemi’s reputation was never smeared, takase-kun never died, etc, etc). 

as akechi, kasumi, and joker explore the palace, we get plenty of royal trio interaction, and more plot-relevantly, a mysterious voice warns them to turn back whenever they progress, as what’s laying ahead will only hurt them. as they get closer to the treasure, kasumi gets more and more unsettled, but she refuses to falter like she did with yaldaboath. eventually, they reach the treasure, and shadow sumire appears. there’s something wrong with her though - she appears ghostly and insubstantial, as a part (but only a part of her), is cendrillon. shadow sumire then puts on a performance of the car accident that killed the real kasumi, and sumire snaps out of her actualisation, and as in canon, freaks the fuck out.

shadow sumire then offers her a choice - forget about this place, and she’ll return to being kasumi soon, or change her heart, and be the person who got their sister killed forever. despite joker and akechi’s best efforts, sumire decides to protect her shadow/treasure instead, as she can’t go back to being the person she once was.

things are a bit tense between akechi and joker, but they’re determined to go ahead with the heist anyway - akechi points out azathoth’s tentacles, and comes up with the theory that whoever altered sumire’s mind is the one responsible for the current weirdness. you then fight sumire, and upon winning against her she faints, and her shadow/cendrillon goes berserk, and beats joker/akechi. of course, that’s the point that the rest of the phantom thieves reappear, and help you kick ass!

afterwards, they give sumire a pep-talk - even though things are difficult, she still has a future waiting for her. everyone then wonders what the hell is going on - morgana turned into a human, and makoto, futaba, and haru’s family members have all come back from the dead (and haven’t disappeared just because they snapped out of the actualisation). akechi point blank asks sumire what happened to her, and she points up, just as maruki enters her palace.

maruki reveals he’s responsible for everything, and explains his plans. the phantom thieves call him out, as it was their struggles that made them better people, but then maruki points to sumire, and highlights that not everyone is strong enough to deal with their pain. he states that sumire probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for his actualisation, something that sumire confirms. while the phantom thieves quiet down a bit at that, akechi’s undeterred, and wants to challenge maruki. maruki sadly admits he thought that might be the case, but asks for them to think on things for a bit, as if they undo his reality, everyone will suffer - the hurt will regain their wounds, and the dead will return to their graves. 

everyone meets up at leblanc the next day (wakaba saying hello to them all, just as a bit of an extra punch in the guts), and the mood is pretty grim. akechi calls them all out for falling for maruki’s blatant manipulation, and haru curtly points out it’s his fault half of them are in this situation. akechi then gives her and a vague apology - he doesn’t exactly feel bad about killing kunikazu since he was an asshole, but does regret robbing haru of her agency. she... kind of accepts it, knowing its the best she’s gonna get, and he does the same for futaba.

ryuji then brings things back on track - while maruki’s got good intentions, what he’s doing is still fucked up. yusuke agrees, and points out that you can’t have good without the bad. makoto objects at this point - while she doesn’t disagree with them, they’re not the only ones affected by this. fighting against maruki would be akin to murdering her father all over again, while simultaneously dooming sae to a job that treats her like shit. futaba then brings up what sumire said, about how becoming kasumi saved her life, and admits without the change of heart she might have wanted something like that for herself.

everyone’s VERY torn, but then lavenza in her butterfly appears, and tells them to meet in shujin the next day. this goes practically the same as it does in canon, with lavenza revealing maruki’s reality will become permanent if they don’t change his heart by the end of february. sumire then appears, and apologises for eavesdropping, and reveals the location of his place - odaiba, where she first entered the metaverse. after some discussion, the phantom thieves decide to change maruki’s heart, as ultimately, a world where everyone’s brainwashed isn’t much of a world. sumire’s both a bit shocked and envious that despite everything, they’re still pushing ahead. ryuji laughs, and says that’s what a phantom thief does. sumire then asks to go to maruki’s palace with them, and reluctantly, the thieves agree.

they meet maruki in the auditorium, and reject his reality. he accepts that they’ll have to fight after all, even if he isn’t pleased by it, but then notices sumire and is shocked by her presence. he offers to ‘fix her’ again, but sumire says no. she admits she’s not as strong as the thieves, but she wants to be, and that means no more running away from her problems - she has to accept who she really is. this reignites her will of rebellion, and unlocks her second persona, vanadis. they then leave the palace after that, and morgana recommends spending some time stocking up on supplies/etc, before they go back in again.

from here, things are basically the same as the canon third semester, but with a few minor tweaks. all the third awakenings happen automatically (maybe with a with the occasional day spaced between them, to give the player some freedom and to allow them to kickstart sumire’s confidant), and sumire unlocks hers at confidant rank 10. 

I’d also throw in a couple more scenes where the phantoms thieves interact with sumire/akechi. perhaps they have a welcoming party for sumire, after reaching the part in the palace you need to go to mementos to unlock? sumire gets told about the phantom thieves’ adventures, and we get some banter between the team. afterwards, joker has a quiet chat with akechi, who’s a bit surprised the phantom thieves have been so cordial with him. akechi then reiterates that he still doesn’t understand them at all, but admits that working in a team isn’t so bad after all, and that’s what unlocks his tier three persona (instead of, y’know, only unlocking it for the final boss battle where rebellion blade is entirely useless). 

after that, I’d keep most of the game the same, up until 2/2 (which is 22/2 or something instead). instead of joker being alone when maruki arrives, I’d have all the phantom thieves be there, so this time, when he drops the bombshell that akechi’s been dead all along, everyone hears it. he then gives them until the evening to make up their mind. akechi’s still insistent they go after maruki as he’s tired of being a puppet, and storms off, with morgana suggesting the player makes sure he’s alright. 

during this time, you can walk about leblanc and talk to the other phantom thieves, to get their full opinions about what’s going to happen to akechi. sumire would be pretty upset, as while she’s got the impression he wasn’t a great person, he was still a friend. ryuji and yusuke think the situation is absolute bullshit, while makoto agrees that it’s horrible, but commends akechi for making the right decision. haru admits that despite the fact that she doesn’t really forgive akechi for what he did to her, that doesn’t mean she wants him to die, and futaba agrees with her, especially since akechi was clearly trying to be a better person. 

in the end, you talk to akechi, and get the choice whether to change maruki’s heart or not. if you chose no, akechi is pissed, and you get the bad ending where everyone’s ostentatiously happy. if you chose yes, joker and akechi confront maruki together, and give him the calling card.

the final confrontation with maruki is the same, but when his reality is destroyed, time resets back to christmas, with sae asking the joker to turn themselves in. akechi doesn’t appear this time, though. things then basically go the same as in vanilla persona 5, except when the phantom thieves gather in leblanc, sumire and morgana join them. (after all, joker going to prison doesn’t really have much emotional impact if he’s only there for like... two weeks).

things then go the same as in canon, with most of the thieves moving away from the shibuya area for one reason or another, but instead of joker riding the train back home with morgana, they go on the roadtrip like in the original persona 5, as one final hurrah.

[fwkei]

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

--------------------------------------

You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely. 

“When you want to find the common di-” 

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words. 

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave. 

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste. 

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move . 

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.  

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover. 

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done. 

It's all worth it. 

You thought to yourself opening the doors. 

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words. 

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there. 

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.” 

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously 

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell 

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes 

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.  

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated. 

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face. 

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze 

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you. 

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat 

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence 

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling 

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again. 

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”  

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-” 

Silence. 

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you. 

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.” 

Silence. 

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.” 

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs. 

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry. 

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.  

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face 

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry. 

He felt his heart ache once again. 

 “But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders 

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath. 

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation. 

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just- 

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke. 

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.  

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment 

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again. 

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears   

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.” 

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words. 

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said 

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.” 

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well.. 

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard 

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them 

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what? 

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right? 

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you. 

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly 

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being. 

------------------------------------------

Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more.  But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing. 

[demonslayedher]

following himejima's opinion is shinobu's crush tomioka ?

Himejima has such a shipper’s heart, doesn’t he?

He probably notices things that the characters themselves don’t even notice, as a bunch of little comments throughout the second fanbook (besides the wonderfully insightful section on how the Pillars see each other) makes me think that the Wind, Water, and Insect Pillars are all especially dense when it comes to romance. Shinobu herself can only give Mitsuri love advice in the form of assessing it as medical symptoms, it doesn’t seem she’s dedicated much thought to her own heart and tastes.

So… my thoughts on Shinobu, and by extension, Giyuu and Shinobu as a pairing. 

First, one thing to get out of the way: Giyuu’s got a type*, it’s manly men. Sabito? So cool. Sanemi? So cool. He probably has no idea how this personality type attracts him, and Shinobu is so far from that. I doubt he felt any particular attraction to her in the first place.

Shinobu, if anything, seems like the type to get easily annoyed by men. It can be the same behavior, but somehow it’s more permissible from a girl than from a boy. Likewise, Shinobu is attracted to cheerful personalities (Kanae, Mitsuri, even Tanjiro grew on her really fast), which Giyuu most certainly is not. *(Clarification: This was not necessarily a statement on sexual preference, but on what sorts of people catch their attention and who they are inclined to gravitate toward--the sort of people that they are inclined to admire and spend time with.)

But we also see in these little comments some other things that they subconsciously really care about. Giyuu doesn’t say it, but he really likes that Rengoku and Mitsuri reach out and talk to him. Shinobu can probably tell that Giyuu is lonely, but it’s so frustrating, because he wouldn’t have to be so lonely if he’d just talk more. Even if this trait annoys her, she seems to subconsciously worry about him.

Likewise, Giyuu appreciates that Shinobu talks to him. Giyuu notices that sometimes she looks unwell (she’s probably been poisoning since before the Spider Demon arc, so good on him for noticing).

Himejima likewise sees a tendency in Shinobu to push herself too hard, he’s probably picked up on the fact that Giyuu is sensitive to this too. Himejma has known Shinobu ever since she was a little girl, so he’s probably grateful that Giyuu would pick up this about her too, since Himejima probably knows there are limits to how much he can advise Shinobu to take care of herself. Likewise, Himejima notices that Giyuu’s got a dark personality, but he seems to enjoy talking to Shinobu (yes, Giyuu is indeed happy when she talks to him). Himejima notices that a more playful side of Shinobu comes out when talking to Giyuu, and he’s probably grateful to see her relax around someone like that.

So, quietly, of course Himejima must be hoping it’ll blossom into something good for them both.

BUT THEY ARE SO DENSE.

My further conjecture is that if Shinobu had any particular feelings for Giyuu, she either wasn’t aware of it, or she chose to downplay it in her heart. We see one private fretful moment at the beginning of the Pillar Training arc when she scolds herself for not being able to keep her feelings under control, as she seems to find this a key element of being a good warrior. If she were aware of special feelings for that grim colleague, she’d probably set it aside as silly, for she’s got more important things to worry about, and people who she already has chosen to prioritize (avenging Kanae, seeing Kanao grow into a functional person, making sure no harm comes to weaker people in her care, etc.). Furthermore, romantic feelings have a way of making one vulnerable, and Shinobu is at a state of maturity where she probably flees from any sense of vulnerability.

If Giyuu had any special feelings for her, he probably had no idea. He’d probably require someone pointing it out to him for him to get it, and he’d probably turn to stone for a day or so, and then if he accepts it, he’d probably not be able to act naturally around her all for a while (which would probably tick Shinobu off a bit if she doesn’t know what’s going on. Likely, since it doesn’t seem she’d suspect Giyuu of having feelings for her).

(Quick caveat: Shinobu might also be the type to distance herself from her emotions enough that she could enjoy a friends-with-benefits relationship. I think Giyuu would have more trouble with this, though, he seems like an all-or-nothing type. And most of the time, he’s giving nothing unless someone like Tanjiro forces his way in to make it an all-in friendship. In a “we’re colleagues but secretly we’re up to other stuff on night missions” sort of dynamic, which I can see working in the realm of fanwork (but not canon), my thought is that Shinobu would be the instigator, but Giyuu would quickly sink into deeper feelings.)

So, let’s say they do have feelings for each other, and somehow—SOMEHOW—move past their own respective difficulties with fluffy feelings, and SOMEHOW become a couple.

It would take a really long time, I think, but if it were to happen, they’d probably be a very solid couple. They’ve got a lot of similar trauma they could unpack together, and likewise, it would be good for them both to have someone value them and get each other to accept that. Giyuu’s got years of feeling like he should had been dead and never deserved to even be in the Corp, Shinobu valued the people around her so much that she constantly tries to suppress her own feelings and nature personality, and if it means avenging Kanae, then yes, it’s worth going on a suicide mission.

But even with that kind of hard work going on under the surface, in the day to day, their interactions as a couple annoying each other and caring for each other in little ways would be a lot of fun.

Tl;dr: If Shinobu has a crush on any male character, yes, it’s probably Giyuu. But I place a lot of weight on that “if.”

--- ADDENDUM, AGES LATER...

So, I have since finally been bitten by the "yes, I do indeed enjoy GiyuShino and I want it" shipping bug. It makes me view canon through through different lenses that see potential and thinking, "if only they could had talked more, then Giyuu could had found himself as comfortable with her as he is with Tanjiro, and as soon as she understands his Final Selection issues they'd be smooth sailing after that" or "if only Shinobu had some hope in a future for herself instead of hedging everything on revenge for Kanae, maybe if Kanae had expressed her own personal wishes to get married someday, Shinobu would have had some desire to try to do that in her sister's stead."

Which is to say, I'm of two minds on GiyuShino:

--In a strict reading of canon, they never got the opportunity to recognize their own potential for feelings for each other. I stand by my analysis above.

--But potential was there, AND I WISH MORE COULD HAD BEEN DONE WITH IT.

[juniorgman187]

About Time (Reid Fic)

Summary: Reader’s offer to help Morgan renovate one of his properties makes Spencer jealous enough to confess what he never could before. 

A/N: I try to avoid specific Reid eras in my works so that it can be up to you how you imagine him, but please just imagine seasons 1 or 2 Spencer - I’m telling you it’ll make the experience richer. Also, I might improve this fic in the near future bc I’m not entirely happy with it. Category: Drabble, Fluff Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: None Word Count: 2.5k Playlist: Would You Be So Kind by Dodie

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　

Clink … Clink … Clink … 

The repetitive noise was barely discernible at first, then it became all that I could focus on. 

In an attempt to find the source, I looked up from my paperwork and scanned the room. It only took me half a second to discover that Morgan was the culprit. 

From across the round table, I watched as Derek absentmindedly stirred his coffee and sugar together, making a ‘clink’ noise each time his spoon hit the rim of the cup. This wouldn’t have been bothersome had it not persisted for more than 10 minutes which, by all accounts, is plenty of time for the sugar to dissolve.

“Derek… ” I sort of sang, trying to capture his attention as nicely as possible. 

“Derek.” I repeated, this time a little less quietly and a little more sharply. Still, my voice did nothing to stop the noisy stirring of his coffee. I stayed silent for a second, just in case he finally noticed I was speaking to him, but when he didn’t, I gave a concerned look to Spencer beside me as if to ask if he was seeing what I was and he returned just the same expression of confusion. 

That’s when I knew something was wrong. 

“Derek!” I said even louder, finally catching his attention. 

His head snapped in my direction, his ghost-like countenance falling away after looking directly at me. I was relieved to see proof of life had been regained behind his eyes. The abrupt reaction made me squint harder in his direction to decipher what was truly going on. “Is everything okay? You were kind of zoning out just now.” 

He sighed while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just had a late night last night and I didn’t go to bed till three this morning.” 

“Oh?” I asked coyly. “And what was her name?” I brought my mug to my lips to hide my growing smirk behind the rim. 

He didn’t catch on right away, which to me was more than enough evidence that he wasn’t well. He was usually the first to be aware of an innuendo, maybe even the one to be making it. “Whose name?”

“The girl that kept you up till three this morning.” I mimicked his voice in crude yet playful imitation.

To this, he shook his head and rolled his eyes with a grin. “Alright, get your pretty lil’ head out of the gutter, Kitten. I was busy fixing up a property I got down in Emporia. Lost track of time. That’s all.”

Whether or not he was hiding something more, I didn’t care anymore. He’d piqued my interest in this new topic. “Emporia? That’s like 2 or 3 hours away.” 

His eyebrows lifted in agreement. “Yeah, like I said - late night.” 

Not even trying to tempt him with my words, I simply remarked, “But I mean it can’t be that hard though, right? Fixing up the house?” 

There was no verbal response from him, only a mirthless chuckle.

I was less careful with my words than I should’ve been, letting them flow through my mouth without filtering them first. “I’m just saying, I worked with Habitat For Humanity for years. We built thousands of houses from scratch, each of them within a matter of days.” 

He sat up in his seat and leaned forward to assert himself. It was nearly the same mannerisms he would display in an interview when he wanted to maintain dominance. “Well, that’s because you got how many people working on one house?” 

When I didn’t answer, he simply tapped the table and leaned back comfortably in his seat, prematurely relishing in a self-proclaimed victory. “Yeah, exactly. Whereas, it’s just little ol’ me fixing up these properties.”

“Okay, then I’ll help you.” 

He only snickered in response, lending way for me to believe he didn’t trust that I’d provide any sort of productive assistance. 

“I will!” I insisted. “Since you’re so convinced those houses were only built as fast as they were because it was a group effort, I want to prove to you that it’s actually because I’m just a fast worker.” 

“It’s not a race, Kitten. All I said was it took me a while to fix up the house. I don’t need you to help. And I wouldn’t be paying you even if you did, by the way.”

“Oh, I’m not doing this for money,” I reasserted. “I’m doing this for pride. I know I’m right, and I want you to know it, too.” 

It’s worth mentioning that Derek and I made these kinds of bets all the time. Our friendship was practically built on the foundation of competition. The first interaction I ever had with him was when he came up to me while I was arranging my desk to ask what I thought the odds were that he could toss his paper ball into the trashcan across the bullpen. 

Years Ago . . .

“What are the chances I’ll make the shot?” I heard a deep, unfamiliar voice inquire from behind me.

“You’re aiming for the trashcan all the way over there? No way.” This voice I knew was Elle’s. She’d been the second person to introduce herself to me and if I had to guess, the deeper voice belonged to the guy I recalled sitting diagonally from her. I made eye contact with him when I initially walked in, but he hadn’t taken the time to introduce himself to me, nor I to him. He seemed a little preoccupied … making a paper ball and all. 

“Actually, if Morgan’s throw had specific arc, the trajectory of the ball would -”

“He’s not making it, Reid.” Elle cut off the small, almost mousy voice promptly, shutting down any ‘pro-Morgan-making-the-shot’ argument he was about to make. 

You could get a lot from just listening. Some might call it eavesdropping, but I like to call it being observant, and from what I’d observed 

A) The one throwing the ball was Morgan. 

B) The smart-sounding one was Reid. 

C) Reid was a proponent of Morgan, so I could assume they were close friends. 

D) There were three very distinct, very different personalities in this general vicinity of desks alone. 

“O’ ye of little faith! Gimme a break, Elle. You’re just busting my balls ‘cause Reid came to me about Lila before he came to you.” 

“That has nothing to do with the fact that I’m right.”

“No, but it means you have bias.” Derek retorted.

“Fine then. If it means that much to you to have an unbiased opinion, let’s ask someone impartial - like Anderson.”

“Actually, I have a better idea,” The deep voice said as soon as I’d placed the last item on my desk - a stack of sticky notes in the shape of a cat’s face that’d been gifted to me the moment I exited the elevator by Penelope Garcia. 

“Excuse me, Kitten,” The deep voice purred. “You think I could get this ball into that trash bin right over there?” 

It took me a second to register that he was addressing me until I realized where the nickname originated from and that it had belonged to me - I could thank Penelope for that.

“Oh, um …” I looked around the room like somehow it would have my answer. In some ways, it did. 

I made contact with Reid first. He smiled weakly at me with tender awkwardness that melted my heart a little bit. Meanwhile, Elle’s eyes were luring me to join her on the dark side and say he wouldn’t make it. To be fair, riling him up seemed like fun. I’d be on Elle’s good side, gain her approval, and if I executed my jest playfully enough, I’d be on Morgan’s good side, too.

“No shot in hell, big guy.” 

Present Time . . .

That’s how it all started - this sibling-like rivalry. Ever since then, we’ve been challenging each other like our lives depended on it. And if I had to make it my life’s mission to win this most recent bet, then so be it. 

“Alright, kitten, I’ll take you up on that offer. I’ll pick you up at 9 on Saturday.” 

We sealed the deal with a cross-table handshake, and at that moment, I hadn’t realized it - only when I thought back to it, did I notice - Reid had been watching the entire interaction unfold. Misinterpreting every painstaking second of it. 

_ _ _

Sticking true to his word, Derek had taken up my offer in spades. Not the least bit shy in delegating me each and every duty there could possibly be. 

I’ll admit, he used my pride to his advantage. Because while I was practically doing all the handy-work imaginable inside the property, he was resting on his laurels outside, probably taking up the view of rolling green hills that went on forever just beyond the front yard. 

It just so happened that that would be our maintained, respective locations for the unexpected arrival of Derek’s very first (very unhappy) guest.

I was inside painting when I heard the placid squeak of Derek getting up from his Adirondack chair on the wraparound porch. I remember peeking my head out of the doorway for a second to see if he was finally going to come inside and help me, but lo and behold, I caught him walking further away from the entrance. While I might’ve given an eye roll of annoyance at the action, I thought nothing of it. Not until I heard Derek speaking to an eerily familiar secondary voice. 

“What are you doing here?” I could hear Derek ask. My ears had perked up like a dog on high alert. 

“Don’t play dumb. You’re trying to … to -” The second voice stammered. 

“Spit it out, kid!” 

“You’re trying to steal my girl!” Whoever it was, was desperate to speak with conviction, maybe even malice, to prove some level of strength that could match Derek’s, but they tried and failed. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Steal your girl? What the hell are you talking about, man?” 

“You know I like her! And yet you’re just hanging out with her alone now? On one of your desolate properties? Can’t you see how suspicious that looks? You’re supposed to be my friend.” 

I’d stopped painting completely at this point so I could take asylum behind the closed door. I could place that voice anywhere, and I needed to press my ear against the only thing separating it from me to confirm what I already knew. 

“Reid, I am your friend,” And there it was. Reid? “And as your friend, I’m telling you: lower your voice unless you want her to hear you.”

“Don’t patronize me. Just tell me,” Spencer, if anything, spoke louder. Perhaps he did want me to hear him, or he simply wanted to defy Derek. “Why do you flirt with her?”

“Flirt?” Derek seemed appalled at the word. It would’ve been offensive that he was disgusted at the thought of engaging with me in that manner had I not felt the same way. What we were doing was not flirting - by any stretch of the imagination. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You call her ‘Kitten,’ you both make sexual innuendos that you think fly over my head, you invite her to come over.” 

“Slow your roll, Pretty Boy. First of all, ‘Kitten’ is just a nickname I gave her the first time we met because I didn’t know what her actual name was. You know that - you were there. Second, the sexual innuendos are just playful jabs at the fact that I sleep around. Low hanging-fruit. Third, inviting her to come over might seem suspicious, but if you walk in there right now, you’ll see that nothing is going on between us. She’s just here to help.”

I wanted any excuse to walk out there myself and announce my nearby presence. Confront Spencer and tell him I heard everything. Ask him where any of this was coming from. How he could think, for even a second, that there was something between me and Morgan. 

Turns out, I didn’t need an excuse. I had already walked out. 

Spencer gulped hard when he saw me. And for that I felt sorry for him. He looked so unlike himself. His hair was disheveled like he’d ran his fingers through it a million times out of stress. His outfit was strangely untidy, the buttons of his cuff unclasped. “Could you ... did you-”

“I heard everything,” I clarified to the dumbfounded shell of a man standing at the base of Morgan’s stairs.

It was a triangle of stares between us all. Exchanging quizzical glances in a battle of wills to see who would fold first. I was looking at Reid, Reid was looking at me, then he looked at Morgan, who looked back at him, then at me. Like I said, a triangle of stares. 

“Um ... I’ll leave you two to talk. I’ll just be inside.” 

I suppose there were worse ways to finally get Morgan off his ass and working. 

Reid trailed Morgan with his eyes, while I simply waited for the sound of the door shutting behind me. It took a few more seconds until one of us had the gall to speak.

“Did you mean what you said? About liking me?” This question that I posed went unanswered for what felt like minutes. Looking at Reid, I could tell he wanted to say something, he just didn’t know what. 

The soul was willing, but the flesh was weak. 

“If you’re not ready to admit it, that’s okay. But then why did you really come here, Spencer? To yell at Morgan for possibly making a move on me? Because now’s your chance. Make your move, Spence.” I descended the stairs, stopping to stand on the very last step so I’d hover a mere inch above him. “Make a move.” 

Make a move, he did.

Warm, clammy hands that were disproportionately bigger than the rest of his body caught my face so that unbelievably, inconceivably soft lips could make their fierce attack with no resistance. His fingers laced through my hair until his hand found the nape of my neck. He used that as leverage to pull me impossibly closer. 

When he was just one step away from sucking my soul out of me, I laid my palm on his chest and pushed him slightly backward. I think I heard him laughing when I did this, probably to hide the shame of letting himself commit so fully to the moment that he forgot just how intense his passion was. 

His eyes fluttered open and his lips were still contorted in a pucker. It took him a second, but it finally came. 

“I meant what I said,” He confessed ever so nonchalantly as though it were the easiest thing in the world to him, despite being unable to come even close to admitting it just minutes before. “I like you. A lot.” 

It was me who laughed then, both from the sheer elation hearing him say that brought me and the distant, exasperated comment that came from within the house. 

“Well, finally! It’s about damn time!” 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

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