#doing a lot of stress eating
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once more around the sun!! :3
#mine#cats#happy new year!!! a little late but alas#i didnt like th colours here but now i love them hehehehehheheh#i hope everyone had a good holidays life development for me is i now like ice hockey#in my sports fan era...these greasy sweaty bloody white men...intrigue me#also i got a new diary!! im using th hobonichi cousin in kinda alarmed by it ngl a5 is a lot of space to fill#i tried the hobonichi techo a couple years ago n found it a rlly weird size 2 work in but now.........big page scawwy#im trying not 2 b too insane about it . like relax who cares#if i do cute spreads i will share them :3#also in th same vein im not setting a book goal this year !! tbh i surpassed my goal last year by a lot and wasnt stressed about it at All#but i get so guilty about not reading sometimes like girl . guilty to who? god? are we catholic now? get a grip#anyway anway im going to toot on my flute and then eat my weight in mac n cheese#love how i had to get a new cork in my flute bc i didnt play for like 10 months n th guy was like play regularly! n i was like yeh will do!#and then did not do that#alas...time escapes me
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Making a birthday cake for a friend tonight (something I haven't done for a while), and I forgot how much I love baking & cake decorating. I'll post pics when I'm done, I'm very excited. 🥰
#archivist talk#the archivist regrets starting nursing school#the archivist#the archivist is a tad stressed but also this fun thing is happening so that's just dandy#i think i might have to give up on the kitchen being a place where one can sit and eat#i never use it for that personally#not because i don't want to#it just lacks the space for it and i don't have a real dining room#(my kitchen is long and narrow)#if i can figure out a good reasonable way to re-arrange the living room such that i can have both a living room AND a small dining corner#i may do that#however given the amount of bookshelves i've got going on & all my other lusts i imagine this won't happen#le sigh#i love my apartment so much#i think if i had a small dining area/dining room that would make the kitchen perfect#and if i had a den that i could put my desk/file cabinet/all adulting work in#that would free up my bedroom to be even more coquettish & focused#and also entirely comfortable#that would change a lot actually goddamn#but alas this building is not going to change#so maybe if one day i could afford a 2 bedroom that had a den .... bonus points if it has wood floors#and those arched doorways that i so love#i would be in heaven#i have to finish nursing school so i can pay for things with less stres#and also help my siblings more#and then maybe so i can get a nice home that would be super cool#but for now i must simply chill as they say
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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new gemini update was so good as always but I can't stop thinking:
big mama: there's nothing wrong with my sons
splinter: you fucked up two perfectly good kids is what you did. look at blue. he's got an eating disorder
wwhhhattttt? nooo, don't be silly. leo doesn't have an eating disorder.
leo and donnie have eating disorders--
#this is a Joke but also No It's Not#it's just different flavors lmao#but both of them have absolutely fucked relationships with food#my poor babies... :(... who did this to you...?#(it was me i did)#leo spends a lot of time worrying about whAT hes eating and how mUCH hes eating and if hes eating the rIGHT thing#largely due to his mom and also just being a celebrity/child celebrity in general#but also in part due to:#donnie has a lot of food sensitivities which have really never been accommodated for at all and as a result he just#has a very negative association with food and eating. he doesnt LIKE eating and he avoids it a majority of the time.#its stressful and unpleasant and he doesnt like it#which ofc only gave leo another reason to hyperfixate on food and calories and nutritional value etc etc etc#which leads to#ironically#leo (who def has an undiagnosed ed and restricts/denies himself food regularly): worrying abt making sure donnie eats enough#donnie will do the same thing back sometimes but not with the same obsessiveness that leo does#esp because the ideals surrounding eating and dieting set up around them really kind of just#lead them both to believe (at least to an extent) that leo is fine and eats a totally healthy and ok amount of food (esp in comparison to d#(no he doesnt)(and even when he does thats not the point)#tw eating disorders#cw eating disorders#eating disorders#tw disorders eating#cw disordered eating#disordered eating#gemini au asks#asks#anon
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Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome
#im not even going to reply to that person im not gonna argue with someone who clearly is fucking#grading my symptoms on if they're as bad as their#guess what i also feel like fucking shit when i overeat and it causes my body a lot of stress#and it fucks with my hormones and it fucks with my mood#and i live a piece of shit horrible terrible life whenever I can't get myself out of that and somehow#but my brain makes me do it and it's hard to stop and sometimes i have to eat even when im in pain#cause that's the only way i can concentrate on something or the only way that i can stimulate my brain#even though i feel sick and I don't want to do it anymore so maybe shut the fuck up#oh my godddd#fuck that person#oh i would take overeating any day maybe shut the fuck upppp#overeating especially on foods that stimulate the brain well PUTS YOU IN THE STATE OF UNDERNUTRITION JUST LIKE UNDEREATING#YOU IDIOTTTTT#sorry this is so personal to me and someone just went on a tirade on how much they have it worse cause they don't eat#good lord go fuck yourself#that post was just because i never see anyone talk about this i only ever see the other side of the coin and it makes me feel alone
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Got my first shrimp goby pair last week and this is my impression of them so far.
#Art#Fish#Fishblr#Fish art#My art#The fish is fine btw just a coward#Though I do think he might have gotten a small concussion from his two escape attempts#Jumped out of the tank literally at one in the morning and then an hour later at two in the morning it was a miracle I was awake during this#I have since covered the food holes in the lid with heavy objects#It gave me a heart attack on day two cuz I thought it was dead#I even poked it with a stick and it didn’t react at all#Luckily I left it in there and it was up and going about six hours later and has since been behaving normally#It is eating tho which is a good sign#Tested my paremetres and there’s nothing wrong with the water so ╮(╯_╰)╭#Shrimp is delightful to watch#She explores the tank a lot and is super cute#Idk what the sex of the fish is but I’m pretty confident that the shrimp is a girl#Has snapped once and I was unprepared for how loud they actually are in person#The fish cuddles the shrimp with its tail and they’re super cute#They gave me a stress for a few days but everything’s stable now so#10/10 aquarium pets#Aquarium stuff
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i’ve been soo horrifically busy and drained recently but i’m gonna try to take it at my own pace and queue up a bunch of stuff :’3 if you’ve tagged me in art or sent me an ask or commented on one of my fics just know it’s coming….!!! :’’3
#gonna try to just . sleep and eat properly bc i’ve been feeling kinda sorta really anxious lately#which obv takes priority before anything else but. answering asks and rbing fics and art Helps with my stress :’3#same w writing…#ON THAT NOTEEE i think i might rewrite and repost my old teentoru fic that i plucked out of my masterlist a while ago!!!#i was planning on writing a shorter drabble for him but i think that can wait until my brain is feeling a little more well rested…#and thennnn maybe it’s time for the selfindulgent hurt/comfort poly stsg fic 😭#… lots to do#i wanted my summer break to be productive writing wise so i’d at least like to post a really long fic….#…. maybe mer!suguru? finally? 😭#he makes me happy#ari noises ✩
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ok now that you've said it, im gonna ask for it. Azul X Cater, either friendship or romantic could be fun. Cater helping Azul relax without the stuffy business stuff and raising his confidence levels callin him cute or w/e? And Azul helping Cater with getting him super cool items to post on his magicam / putting spicy menu items in the monstro lounge for him to eat (not for like the art idea but like just in general on how the ship might play out)
HEHEHEHE THAT'S REALLY CUTE :3 they could be a power couple, i can see it in my mind's eye...
azul acts all confident but i think if a cute boy got close and batted his eyelashes at him he'd get flustered and fold in an instant lol
#also the fact that theyre both the same height fucks me up still. i feel like cater should be taller but hes NOT!!!!!!!!!!#twst#azul ashengrotto#cater diamond#twisted wonderland#cereal tries to draw#ummm idk what 2 tag them as#caterazul#azulcater#cayzul#hwat ever#should i be adding like#shipping#asks#to my more specifically shippy posts#i saw a post a while ago that said ppl should do that so ppl that dont like shippiing can blacklist#i get stressed sometimes bc. i feel like there is a lot of overlap sometimes for platonic and shippy! but sure why not#here was pretty clearly shippy LOL anyway. anyway hi. jfksdljfklsdhgkldjsfdsjfksdjgklsdjf#they could be cute#that bit u said about helping azul relax from the stuffy business stuff is paralelling an oc x oc [not twst related] thing my friend#and i have w/our boyos lol#to be fair. the stuffy business guy was initially a joke character based on azul that turned into a real oc with lore and development LOL#but anyway. we had a whole arc where my guy was like 'turn off the little business pilot in your brain 😒' helping him relax lol#anyway point is i can see it with cayzul#takin azul by the hand like 'LETS GO TO A TRENDY CAFE~' 'we could just eat at the lounge-' 'umm call it market research 😉'#silly. hehe
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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hellooooo tumblr i need advice for what are good snacks or easy meals to keep around in my house. my psych meds mean i have no appetite and can’t tell when im hungry, but i still get physical hunger symptoms and anxiety associated with them. im struggling to feed myself and not have regular meltdowns from being hungry so like yeah anything easy that isn’t just straight garbage or needs to be ordered takeout. thx
#thoughts#a lot of times i’ll end up in trouble cuz i need to cook but im too physically stressed to do so#because i didn’t realize i was hungry or didn’t feel like i had to eat until i get hunger pangs
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#my dog who nearly died in august was really sick this morning :( we gave him an anti-nausea tablet and that seems to have helped him a lot#he’s eating and drinking again. able to go for a walk. and much more peaceful. it was just so sudden and i was the only one in the house#very stressful and frightening day. reminder of how sudden and grief-inducing it all is#i’m hoping he’s okay for now. knock on wood. i could just do with some support
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#hey everyone! i don’t talk with too many people on this heaven-site but i’d like to give a little context in regards to#why i’m taking too long to answer replies/texts.#first i'd like to apologize for the huge delay in answering these messages!#also... i'm certainly going through burnout and my health is really weak due to stress#and other health stuff. i was studying matrices after work yesterday and poof! fainted and almost fell out of my chair lmaoo#but now i’m resting a lot (i didn’t go to uni today lol) and eating better and i’m sure i’ll be fine quite soon to#answer delayed messages and keep rewriting my fic (and some lyric analyses are on the way too! 🫣)#hope you lot are doing well 🩷 lots of love!#jules.txt
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Recently bought the chickens a rat-proof feeder because the world's biggest pack of rats has moved in and I've had enough. Training the chickens to use it is going well, if slowly. (It would be a lot faster if I still lived with my chickens, or at least lived closer than 30 minutes away... 😅 I can't be there all the time to work with them.)
Midnight, however, refuses to engage with the thing and instead stands next to it looking cranky while she watches the young'uns eat.
#unfortunately the seller forgot to send me the part that makes the door close softly 🙄 he'll send it soon tho#it would definitely be easier to teach the chickens that this contraption is safe if it didn't slam closed#it would probably also be easier if they'd ever eaten out of a feeder of any sort ever in their lives 😅#midnight has been eating off the ground for 11 years and doesn't seem keen to eat out of some newfangled noisy tin can#but hopefully it'll get easier#if the chickens get hungry enough they'll eat out of anything i figure#anyway the star of these training sessions is definitely tofu. she's very shy so i didn't expect her to try it so quick but#apparently she'll do anything for bread scraps!#midnight#tofu#crow#oh yeah more quick notes#the front panel on the feeder is open in these photos bc i was still in the process of adjusting the spring tension#also I've since rearranged the bricks so it's easier for the chickens to stand in front of it#i reeeeally hope this works bc. you guys. the rats are SO bad#i was at the end of my rope i was seriously almost ready to simply get rid of all the chickens i was so stressed#things haven't been easy for me regarding all my animals i had to leave behind when i moved. i miss them every day#I'm also so not used to living in a house without a single animal. I've always had pets around til now#i want a cat but I'm holding out hope that i can convince my parents to give me MY cat. my dad refused to let me take her#and I'm worried about her. she needs more specialized care and she will never receive it in that house#sigh anyway. i have a lot on my mind
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Thought I would update:
#personal*#jess talks#I am by no means fully better#I will never be fully better in all honesty#BUT#the last few days have been such a turn around from the weeks before#/some positivity is heading my way and that’s good#I don’t want to jinx anything by talking about it#but things have semi improved#certain stress related subjects have got good ish conclusions#so the stress my whole family felt is lifting#again I’m still waiting for it to flip on its head again#but there’s progress being made I guess#I’ve also made a doctors appointment to talk about the numerous things wrong with me#so that’s eased me a little too#but yeh - a semi decent update#I personally am feeling better mentally#I feel more myself again#still have blips and weird spikes of anxiety#but I’m actually able to eat again without wanting to hurl#and I feel more comfortable doing things again#like I cleaned all the floors of my house yesterday…#not to mention lots of good long chill seshs/talks in the garden with both parents#I have a sleepover with my sister planned for tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that#just yeh#thought you guys deserved an update
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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes#The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe#Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing#I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha#It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please#I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me#I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha#Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3#I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly#The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3#In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol#And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful
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in terms of being a man who is not miserable for women to work with or be around, being nice and respectful about your wife in conversation with other people is the absolute minimum beige flag. i know so many shitbag misogynists who manage to be nice to their wives and absolutely no men who are mean to or about their wives and are not interpersonal nightmares to other women if they have to work with them regularly in stressful situations.
#this post brought to you by a man casually revealing a thing he did to a room full of shitbag misogynists who nevertheless sat in horrified#silence contemplating how their wives would eat them#and their wives would eat them. good for them for marrying women who would eat them i guess#tbh i do think having a stressful job makes a difference here because you do see people under a lot of pressure or sleep deprived or taking#things they shouldn't have taken. allegedly. as a cultural issue
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