#doing a lot of research for this chapter as I try to decide just where the heck Lenora is | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwaslayer · 6 days ago

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wildfire (cs) | eleven.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 6.1k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, san x oc talk a bit, talking also leads to other things 🤭, a quickie in san’s office, riding him on the chair hehehe, covering his mouth cause he gets a lil loud, flashback scene is just ppl talkin about this whole thing and switching up 😭, san x iseul x yunho moment, the start of namjoon’s stress chronicles pt. 2, some overthinking and pondering decisions

san: goodmorning my love. i hope you slept well. i'm sorry to upset you last night, and i'm sorry i put you in that position. i wasn't thinking and acted impulsively. let me know if i can get a few mins with you at some point - i still wanna talk to you. i miss you, baby. have a good day today, okay?

You wake up a little later than expected, and it has you rushing out the door before you can even respond to San's text. You do feel bad for not responding right away but truthfully, you just needed to get your mind together and be in your own space to try and figure out what the hell was going on.

You were starting to get scared and you weren't sure where this would lead you and San. You knew what you were getting into, but the last thing you wanted was for San to get in trouble— especially him, not you.

"Hey ma." You answer the call on your way to class, tugging your bag strap up on your shoulder.

"Hi lovey." She says cheerfully even though she's coming off of a shift.

"Did you just get off of work?" She sighs as she slams her car door and hops in, the call being picked up on the bluetooth.

"Yeah, we're a bit short-staffed so I picked up another shift. I came in around 7pm last night." You nod.

"Well, try to take it easy."

"I will. Are you on your way to class? How's it all going?"

"Um." You pause. "It's alright. But, yeah. I'm on my way over."

"Uh oh." She teases. "Wanna come home this weekend so you can tell me all about it while we get our nails done?"

"Actually, yeah. That sounds nice."

"Okay, babe." She chuckles. "You sure you're okay?" You nod even though you feel your heart drop, tears threatening to spill this early in the morning.

"Yeah, I am. I just have lots of stuff to update you on."

"Okay. Can't wait. Have a good day, hun. Make sure you take your breaks properly, eat and hydrate well."

"I will, mom. I love you."

"Love you too!" The call ends and you suddenly feel alone although the campus has moving parts, bodies floating around to move from point A to point B. You tuck your phone into your bag, fully deciding you'll get to San in between classes today. You do plan to stop by the lab to wean your mice really quickly at some point; maybe you'll deal with San then.

Which is crazy to think about cause that's exactly how things unfold.

Your first class of the day drags on, the lecture today being packed with a ton of overwhelming information. You've already got a few assignments for this class alone, causing you to huff out a heavy sigh when you write it all down in your planner and try to organize your to-do list. When class finally wraps up, you take your time packing up before heading to lab to work on the mice. You grab a parfait to go, quietly eating away as you make your way to the basement. The very back door to the west wing basement is the closest to the café you grabbed the parfait from, so you easily make your way over and toss your empty cup into the trash just as you tackle the steps and head downstairs to the door. When you pull out your badge and get ready to tap it against the reader, the door swings open and causes you to jump aside to prevent yourself from getting hit.

"Oh, I'm sorry—" San stops in his steps. "Y/N?"

"San." You breathe out, clutching your bag tighter. You weren't expecting to run into him now, but you suppose the universe had other plans for you.

"Hey." He fully steps outside and lets the door shut close. You can't help but automatically glance at him from head to toe; he's wearing denim on denim, and you realize he's the only person who could truly pull off the look. He's got on a denim button-up and jeans, chucks. Sleeves are rolled up halfway. He digs his hands into his pockets, soft black hair framing his face. You can smell his cologne from where you stand.

You're not standing very far from him when you should be creating more distance.

"Hi."

"Going into lab?"

"For a second, yeah. I gotta wean my mice before my PI gets mad at me." You look up at him and he chuckles a bit, biting onto his lip.

"For the record, I could never be mad at you." You slightly scoff and playfully roll your eyes.

"Sure, Professor Choi." You pause. "I'm sorry I haven't responded to your text. I was meaning to come see you later, but I guess now is a good time, too?"

"Uh, yeah. I gotta meet Jongho and Namjoon to plan out this proposal for the space in the new building." You nod. "But, it's not for a bit. Was just gonna grab some food before heading over."

"Goodluck."

"Thanks, love." He clears his throat. "Wanna give me a quick run down of what happened yesterday? With Yunho and Iseul?"

"Don't let me get in the way of you getting food."

"You're not. I can always grab some after."

"Are you sure?" He nods.

"You're more important." He lets out a breath. "So, what happened?"

"Yunho said he thought he saw me at the conference, that's all. I know he was gonna try to get it out of me, but students started walking into class."

"I didn't even know he was there."

"Well, I clearly didn't either. He said he stopped by last minute cause he was in the area." San sighs. "Iseul knew about it, too. I saw the way she looked at me when I walked out." You look up at him with innocent eyes, and it makes him weak. "San, we need to be more careful and this isn't helping."

"Well, that's why I wanted you to come over so we could talk about this in private. Why haven't you texted me back, angel? I know there's a reason. Are you still angry with me?" He asks so gently and so sweetly it makes your knees buckle. But at this very moment, Iseul is passing by the stairway, on her way back to the office after a meeting in the west wing of the Harvey Center. She doesn't typically pass this way but today, the conference room was closer to the back end, and she wanted to stop by the nearby café to grab another cup of coffee— excited to try the seasonal flavors on the menu that just arrived.

As she passes the stairway that leads towards the very back west wing basement door, she hears muffled talking echoing from below and can't necessarily help herself.

"I just.. don't know right now, San. It feels like everything is crumbling and I don't know how to feel. Jiung knows, and he thinks you forced me into this for the lab—"

"What? You told him that wasn't true, right?" His tone rises slightly, but it's enough for you to remind him to keep it down. It's also enough for Iseul to just slightly peek over the edge to confirm who is speaking near the back end basement doors;

And of course it's you and San.

No one ever passes through this way, and of course San would be taking that opportunity.

"Obviously." You sigh. "I'm just saying, people are onto us. The happy hour thing was probably the cherry on top."

"I got angry and I acted on impulse, I'm sorry." He reaches for your hand and as much as you wanna hold onto it tightly, you can't. You just let him take it in his, his lips lightly grazing the surface of your hand. "Can we take this to my office?"

"I thought you were on your way out."

"And I told you I've got a few minutes to spare. Please?" He pleads and you simply nod, removing your hand from his hold just as he badges in and leads the way to his office. Iseul lets out a breath as she continues on her way, texting her husband the exact scene that just unfolded in front of her.

iseul: i just saw san and y/n talking by the basement doors. he was holding her hand and kissing it.

yunho: so what now?

iseul: i told you i'm gonna try to catch san later. if he doesn't wanna admit to it then i'm going to namjoon.

yunho: iseul.

iseul: yunho, no. i can see the look you're giving me already. they're being way too obvious on campus now, and he better be grateful that i'm just trying to look out for him.

yunho: okay.

That's all Yunho replies with because what else can he say? He knows Iseul is stubborn, and he knows she won't change her mind. He agrees that it's wrong but he's not sure if they're overstepping.

Maybe Iseul really was looking out for him. He'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's right.

This is wrong.

He's convinced this is all wrong because of her.

When you get to the basement, it's as empty as can be and you couldn't even be more relieved while trailing behind San. He looks down at his watch again, fiddling with the door lock and handle before he swings it open.

"Are you sure you even have enough time to spare?" You ask as he locks the door and makes his way over to you.

"Swear."

"We should make this quick before people come back to the basement."

"You know people are always in and out of here."

"Still."

"Why are you upset, love? Talk to me."

"I just don't know what to do. Your ex seems to be onto us the most, and they probably saw the whole thing go down yesterday. You were like.. angry-angry, San, and it was obvious—" You don't even realize you're going on and on about the same thing until San cups your cheeks, softly shushing you; trying to keep the peace by easing you.

"Baby." He says softly, his eyes looking into yours. "Baby, don't worry about this right now. I'm sure it will all blow over—"

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then, I'll face it when the time comes but—"

"San."

"We'll figure it out." He reassures again, even though truthfully and honestly, he's not sure what that means. He's not sure what he'll do if it actually unfolds out of hand, he's not sure what he'll tell you if things do go wrong. He's not sure how he'll be able to salvage everything even if he wants to more than anything in this world

He just doesn't work on empty promises like that.

"I'll never let anything happen to you. I'll take care of this." He adds.

"I don't want anything to happen to you, though." He sighs and shakes his head.

"Nothing will. Just— just trust me like you've already been doing, okay?"

"Okay." You respond softly, hands resting on his wrists as he continues to cup your cheeks— thumb caressing the surface while his eyes roam over your features.

"I'm sorry for yesterday and I'm sorry you've been upset."

"It's alright."

"I missed you."

"I'm sorry, Sannie. I just needed a moment."

"You don't have to apologize, sweetheart." He kisses the tip of your nose before chuckling. "Although, I'll still beat his ass for trying to put his hands on you the way he did."

"He was such a dumbass." You roll your eyes. "I am grateful for you being there in time, though."

"Yeah, well. Couldn't really do much, but I'm glad you ended up okay." He's still looking at you, his thumb now lightly tracing your bottom lip. He looks deep into your eyes and he can't help but feel like mush; knees getting weak, heart melting at the way he looks at you. He prays to God nothing happens with all this going on because he's afraid to lose you.

He's afraid he can't lose you.

When he looks at you, he feels a sense of calmness. He sees the affection and adoration swirling in those orbs of yours. Your entire being radiating warmth and love. He'd hate for Iseul and Yunho to take away the one thing that has finally kept him grounded. But, he wouldn't put it past them and that's what scares him the most.

They hadn't stopped to think about their actions before. And for someone like San, who loves so hard and trusts wholeheartedly, he just didn't think the love of his life and his bestfriend would ever do that to him.

This is how everything has unfolded and he'd hate for them to be the reason behind all of this, too.

"Baby." He calls for you, and you don't respond verbally. The way he's looking at you, the way he's holding you, caressing you and keeping you close, is enough for you to dip forward and meet him in a sweet kiss. You hear him exhale as he cups your cheeks and takes the kiss, deepening it as you stand in the middle of his office. Your hands grip at his sides as your tongue fights for dominance with his, the kiss easily turning into a sloppy, wet mess. "Fuck, baby." He sighs. "Need you."

"Here?" He nods. He rushes over to his chair, bringing you onto his lap. His eyes are full of desire, lust— pleading for you to give him all of you. "Sannie."

"We'll make it quick." He smirks, hands coming up your thighs to hike up your maxi skirt just enough; thumb immediately finding your clothed core. "No one's around. Just us." You shut your eyes in pleasure, already aching, craving, for him bad. "You do know how to keep quiet, right?" He teases, watching as you continue to react to the way he's touching you.

"Mm— shouldn't I be asking you?" You tease back, fiddling with his belt and undoing his jeans to release his heavy, hard cock.

"Brat." He chuckles. "Ride me."

"So demanding." You playfully roll your eyes the moment you position his cock at your entrance, shutting them close when you ease down his length. He lets out a soft, breathless groan, head cocked back against the chair as he tries to adjust to the feeling. "Fuck, San."

"Yeah, baby. It's all yours." He whispers, looking at you through hooded lids. You pick up your pace, working your hips back and forth; dragging your walls against his member. You let out a quiet moan against his lips, San whispering a string of cuss words as you roll your hips—

Driving him to insanity.

"Missed you so much. My perfect girl." He mutters. He can't even help himself when he feels you tighten around him, letting out a moan that might be a little too loud for your liking.

"Sannie." You whine a bit, covering his mouth with your hand as you continue to push and push towards the edge, clit rubbing against him so deliciously you feel like you'll come undone sooner than later. You watch as San's face contorts in pleasure— pretty brows knitting together, tightly as his eyes shut close. He's murmuring small moans against the palm of your hand, whining and begging for you to cum first because you always come first.

And it doesn't take long before you do.

Your movements become sloppy while San continues to grip your ass in an attempt to help guide you; his cock filling you up perfectly as you bounce up and down before resorting back to rolling your hips against him. It takes two, three, four turns before you press your forehead against San's and unravel in his hold.

"Ohhhh—fuck—gonna cum—" You gasp just as San fucks upward into you once, twice— releasing his load into you and filling you up with every last bit. He lets out choked moans against your hand, panting and heavily breathing when you feel like it's safe to finally remove it.

"Good god, sweetheart." He breathes. "I'll never get tired of this." You giggle, kissing him sweetly on the lips before slowly removing yourself from his length. You both let out small breaths, San keeping you near so he can wipe you down with a napkin before tending to himself.

"Hopefully no one's in the basement still." You fix your skirt and get yourself together.

"Uh, not like you had anything to worry about. You seemed to have that under control the entire time." You laugh.

"Taking precautionary measures since we need to."

"That was kinda fun, though." San smirks. "Maybe we should do that more often." He stands to adjust his jeans and fixes his belt.

"Did our little fight just go over your head?" You joke and he sighs.

"Fine." He playfully rolls his eyes. "We'll just keep it to the bedroom."

"You're so annoying." You smile. "You should get to your meeting before you end up being late."

"I will, boss lady." He puckers his lips. "Just one more." You shake your head and meet him for another kiss.

"Bye Professor Choi."

"Bye baby." He smiles, subtly biting onto his bottom lip as he watches you sway your hips and walk out. As soon as the door shuts, he feels empty. He misses you already and he can't wait to spend time with you again.

"Oh shit—Sunwoo!" You almost shriek just as you come out of San's office. You're afraid he might've heard something, or that he might even sense it, see it on you, with the way he cocks a brow up and tilts his head to the side. "You scared me." He laughs, though it's obvious he's kinda confused as to why you're so startled by his presence.

"You okay?"

"Mhm." You hum.

"Meeting with Professor Choi?" He gives you a look again and you feel like your ass is on fire. Sunwoo has probably gotten wind of the whole thing and now he's trying to read you.

"Just a quick last minute check-in."

"Oh, that's nice he let you pop in. Everything all good with your progress and stuff? Think you'll stay so you can continue being my right hand?" You laugh and shrug.

"Maybe. We'll see. But yeah, all is well!" You look at your phone. "Anyway, gonna run off to wean the mice before class." He nods, watching as you hurriedly drop your things off at your desk and scurry along without looking back.

—FLASHBACK

"So, did you hear about Professor Choi getting hella angry over some postdoc at the happy hour event? I guess he was getting handsy with Y/N and was being a total dick."

"Okay? So, he deserved it."

"Yeah, but people there said it was weird."

"How is sticking up for someone weird?"

"No like, guys. He was angry. Like the type to get angry over your girlfriend, angry."

"What are you insinuating?" Belle cocks a brow up.

"I'm so surprised you guys haven't heard about it. It's like the talk on campus right now. People think Professor Choi and Y/N are a thing. Professor Lee and Professor Jeong are also apparently fueling hella shit behind it."

"That's ridiculous, Y/N would never. That'd never happen." Belle tries to laugh it off until she sees Sunwoo sitting quietly in his chair. "Right?" Sunwoo looks at her and shrugs. "Sunwoo."

"Dude, I don't know. I've just seen Y/N go into his office a few times and I thought they were meeting about projects. But, now that I think about it.."

"Are you serious?" Belle furrows her brows. She's slightly annoyed that you'd actually take it this far, and she's not sure how she feels about it if it were true. "Is she trying to secure her spot in lab that bad? She wanted him to like her so bad she had to sleep with him?" Sunwoo knits his forehead at her.

"Yo, hold on. You don't even know if it's true. Even if it is, I'm sure there's a story behind it and not just that. Y/N wouldn't do that."

"We didn't expect her to be wrapped up in rumors like this, too." Belle scoffs. "Wow. If their so-called relationship ends up being true, bet it was because Y/N threw herself on him."

"That's fucked up. She's your friend, Belle."

"Not really, we just knew each other because of school and now we work together."

"Belle."

"What? You really can't tell me you don't think that? You're lying."

"No?! Belle, what?" Sunwoo's tone grows. "I'm saying they're two grown ass adults who are capable of making their own decisions. I'm not dismissing it or saying it's right, but I'm saying there could be more to it than that. Why are you assuming that so quickly?"

"Whatever, Sunwoo. It's gross, regardless. Especially for her as his rotation student." She rolls her eyes. "God, can't wait for it to be over so I don't have to deal with her." Sunwoo starts packing his things and shaking his head.

"That's crazy." Sunwoo chuckles a bit. "She was your friend before anything, bro. I'd expect you to at least have her back." He scoffs a bit. "I gotta go, I got shit to tend to with Y/N. Cause you know, I don't just switch up on people without having my facts straight." He almost mocks Belle's attitude as he throws the peace sign up to his other friend and starts walking off.

—END

After you tend to the mice, San gathers himself and heads out of the basement to head to the bathroom and freshen up before grabbing a quick snack on his way to Namjoon's office. On his way out, he didn't see anyone in the basement; Sunwoo must have gone to hide in one of the rooms to do some work. He's able to whisk himself away without any issues, prancing into Namjoon's office in a better mood.

Jongho definitely picks up on it, but doesn't comment on it. So doesn't Namjoon, but he needed to make use of his time wisely since he's got a busy ass schedule today.

They have a good conversation and are able to draft out some very good points about letting Jongho and San take some real estate in the new building. Namjoon is always good with words and although he's taking quick notes on his laptop, he's making a mental note on how they should present this to the dean. He has a good feeling about it, and he thinks it's perfect timing because the dean has been wondering about other ways to foster good collaboration between schools and departments and how to make their programs a little more unique and prestigious compared to others.

San is coming out of his day way better than yesterday, way better than he expected this morning.

Too bad it's all about to go out the window again.

When San heads back to his office, he powers through his check-in meetings with a select few postdocs and grad students— discussing different avenues they could take with their projects and what their goals should be by the end of the quarter. Afterwards, he finishes the remaining items on his to-do list before sending out his last emails of the day and packing up.

you: can i come over tonight?

san: course you can, baby. you don't have to ask. lol

you: yes, i do. lol. okay, see you later? i have office hours then i'll wrap it up for the day.

san: sounds good, beautiful. i'll have dinner ready for us, k? just come over as soon as you can.

you: ☺️

He smiles to himself as he slings the bag strap over his shoulder, excited to tell you about how the meeting went today and how optimistic he's feeling about everything despite the chaos that has ensued.

Maybe things will be okay after all.

Right?

"San. Can we talk?" Iseul catches him as he steps out onto the first floor of the Harvey Center from the elevator. He furrows his brows at her, unsure what in the hell she could possibly wanna talk to him about right now.

Well, scratch that— he knows, but he's also not sure why she's the one doing the talking on this. It's kinda ironic coming from her. But, San isn't gonna be rude nor is he gonna be a dick to her, especially on campus grounds.

So, he lets out a sigh and shrugs.

"Sure." He plainly says, leading the way to one of the empty conference rooms down the hall. He sets his bag down on a chair before crossing his arms to his chest, distancing himself from Iseul on the other end of the room. "What's up?"

"You're seeing her, aren't you?"

"What are you talking about?" Is all he can defend himself with because he's truly appalled she's doing the talking on this when it shouldn't be any of her business—

"That's crazy. All this time and effort to keep her around and you couldn't even do that for me." San's brows knit together so tightly— he's not sure what the fuck he's hearing right now.

"We're bringing this up because why exactly? Even if we hadn't worked out, you still found your way with Yunho." She rolls her eyes.

"You're being so stupid, San. How are you so comfortable dating your student? You could lose everything if anyone found out."

"I don't see why this is any of your business."

"Because if you aren't gonna get your shit together, I have no choice but to go to Namjoon—"

"You can't actually be serious—"

"Ask yourself that! You're so hung up over her that you're willing to give up everything for your little relationship." She pauses. "She's young, she's got the doe-eyed look going on. Seems sweet, but she probably doesn't even actually care about you. Get real, San. Wake the hell up!"

"Iseul, you're treading on very thin ice." He warns. "You still haven't told me what any of this has to do with you." He steps forward.

"It has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the fact that I'm trying to do the right thing. You know this is wrong." San scoffs and pathetically chuckles, hands dug deep into his pants.

"Does it make you happy, Iseul?" San almost corners her. "Does it make you that fucking happy to keep destroying everything for me?"

"No one destroyed anything for you, you continuously do that for yourself!"

"You're the only person who has ever painted me as a failure and disappointment. You don't get to do that now, you don't get to have a say in any of this!"

"She's a fucking student, San. What's wrong with—"

"And he was my bestfriend!" San finds himself seeing red as his tone grows. All of the happy, good luck shit he was feeling today went out the window in one swift motion. He should've known Iseul would've taken this road. He should've known she would've done this.

For some reason, Iseul continues to be the reason why he can't be happy.

"Hey." Yunho walks into the conference room. "You two are gonna need to keep it down." San can't help but roll his eyes because of course.

Of fucking course.

"Great to see you've been invited to this unnecessary discussion." San looks at the both of them.

"Unnecessary?!—" Iseul fires back.

"Iseul." Yunho calls for her sternly.

"Whatever, you know what? I tried. You do whatever you want, San. Risk all your shit for some student who won't give a damn once it's all been taken away. All she wants from you is your resources and to move up, but I guess that's what you wanted—"

"You know nothing about her!" San growls back. "You know absolutely nothing about her." He repeats.

"Iseul." Yunho calls for her again. This time, there's a lace of anger because this was not what he wanted out of this. He warned Iseul about getting into San's business and she wouldn't listen— now they were all here, arguing over shit when there's already so much bad blood and tension between the three of them. "Can you please just wait outside?" She huffs and clicks her teeth, grabbing her things before storming out.

"Yunho, honestly. Save it. We don't have to do this."

"San, she's right. You could get into a lot of trouble if people start putting the pieces of the puzzle together. People are already onto you after the happy hour event, and I can't exactly say you two have been the most discreet."

"What are you even talking about?" San asks, exasperated and completely over the conversation.

"You two by the basement doors?"

"Oh, so you guys are just spying on us?" San cocks a brow up. "Really makes it better."

"It could have been anyone."

"Could it have been? Exactly how long were you guys watching us?" Yunho sighs.

"I'm only looking out for you—"

"And what makes you think I want you looking out for me, Yunho?" San's tone grows. "Hm? Cause last time you ended up looking out for me, I found you tangled up with my wife." Yunho's jaw ticks, but he doesn't say anything else. Because what can he say?

"You know this will fuck up everything for you." Is all Yunho responds with. "Everything."

"So be it. Sorry, but I literally have no reason to listen to you. Or her." San pauses, his jaw clenching as he swallows thickly. Borderline aching from how hard he's been clenching. "I hope that one day the both of you will finally learn how to mind your own business. Stop coming into mine. We're not friends, we're not acquaintances, we're nothing. We haven't been anything for a very long time and I'd appreciate it if we kept it that way." San grabs his things and rushes out the door, the force almost causing the door to hit the wall on his way out.

"San?" Namjoon comes from around the corner as he watches San walk out of the conference room, loosening his tie as he tries to gather himself. To be honest, he had been standing there for a good minute trying to make sense of the arguing and loud talking going on within the conference room. It didn't take him long to realize who was inside and what exactly was being discussed— especially when Iseul storms out, mumbling a few cuss words and San slander to herself. Luckily, not too many people were around, and if they were, they didn't try to focus much of their attention on their whereabouts. Namjoon is lost because he doesn't have any actual concrete facts to have a say in this. Maybe the happy hour event. San’s little antics.

He does need to get to the bottom of it, though.

Before it all goes south and it comes raining down on San, on him.

"Not right now, Joon. I'm sorry. I gotta get home." Namjoon doesn't say anything else as he watches San hurry off, needing to take a break from this place and get some fresh air ASAP.

"The hell is going on?" Namjoon mumbles to himself before nodding to a few oncoming students when he slowly walks back to his office and pulls out his phone to send a few texts.

If not today, he sure as hell is getting to the bottom of all of this tomorrow.

San hasn't felt this angry in so, so long, and quite frankly, it scares him. He's afraid of reverting back to his old self, his old way of coping. He's afraid of taking the wrong step forward that'll undo all the progress and work he's done on himself.

But truthfully, he fucking hates this.

He fucking hates this because at this point, he feels like it'll only bring more anger. Sadness. Hurt,

He hates that Yunho and Iseul are getting under his skin this way, he hates the predicament you're both in, he hates that Namjoon was there. He hates that he knows this is wrong but he absolutely refuses to let you go—

Even though, he's starting to feel like he needs to rethink those choices.

Mainly because he doesn't want anything to happen to you, mainly because he wants you to succeed and be happy. Mainly because he wants to protect you and keep pushing you forward; even if that means he has to support from afar.

He fucking hates this.

San drives with one hand on the wheel, finger brushing against his bottom lip as all the thoughts run at a thousand miles per hour in his head. He knows it's wishful thinking to assume it'll all blow over and be yesterday's news that didn't really mean much. He feels like it's far from that, and he knows Namjoon is eventually going to talk to him about everything.

He wishes he can hold on for a little longer, push it out a bit more.

Despite his feelings and how shot his mood is, San still manages to stop by for some aburasoba— remembering how you've mentioned time and time again that you had been craving it. He makes a pitstop at a random flower shop nearby, grabbing a small bouquet of baby pink roses. He gives the florist a small smile when she asks him if it's for a special someone, his dimples poking out; heart fluttering, butterflies swarming his tummy when he thinks about you.

And only you.

He wishes he could give you the world without having to hide it. There are so, so many things he wishes he could do or say that don't involve him acting behind doors or away from people.

This shit truly is hard.

When he finally pulls into his garage and parks, he sits in the seat for a little and huffs out a heavy sigh. He grabs his things and sets the food and bouquet down on the island counter before heading upstairs to shower. He gets comfortable in sweats and a matching crewneck, heading back down to the kitchen to get everything set up and ready for your arrival. You let him know you'll be over in the next few minutes, so he lights up a candle and gets the TV going— leaving it on the home page so that you can freely choose what you're in the mood for.

"Hi!" You greet in a sing-song tone as you let yourself in and walk into the kitchen. San is washing some dishes, which gives you the opportunity to hug him from behind and place a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. He chuckles, sinking into your hold before you pull away. "Aburasoba?" You gasp. "And pink roses?" You turn again just as he wipes his hands down and faces you. "Thank you, Sannie." Your bottom lip pokes out in a small pout.

"Of course, baby." He playfully runs a finger down your bottom lip and smiles. "How was the rest of your day? Sounded like you ran into Sunwoo after you left?"

"Oh my god, yeah. But, I don't think he really caught onto anything. I just told him we met real quick then left, and he didn't question it." You sigh. "But otherwise, the rest of the day was good. Exhausting. I had tons of students coming into office hours so I ended up being done a little later than expected."

"Planning their proposals for finals?" You nod.

"Yup!"

"I know the feeling." You laugh, helping him grab the bowls and taking it over to the living room. You plop next to him on the couch, already flipping through options for tonight. You settle for rewatching The Walking Dead, San chuckling at your pick to sit through while eating dinner. You manage to yap away in between bites of your aburasoba, San only humming or giving you short answers in response.

At first, you don't think much about it. You assume he's exhausted and he's trying his best to keep you company like the good man he is. But then, you turn and he's not really watching. He's kinda scrolling through his phone, setting it aside then blankly looking at the TV. It's obvious San isn't entirely present. It's obvious he's got things in his mind, and you're not sure if you did anything wrong or if something happened in between the time you two were apart—

But, he seems unhappy and you wish you could fix whatever it is.

"Babe."

"Hm?" He hums.

"What's wrong?" You turn over to look at him, cupping his cheek while you crawl onto his lap.

"Nothing." He chuckles and rubs your back, eyes looking deep into yours. All he sees is a personification of love, comfort. And nothing is harder than fighting the 'what if's' in his head when you look at him the way you do, when you touch him the way you do. "Nothing baby, sorry. I'm just really exhausted." He doesn't like to lie, but he sees the soft smile that grows on your face when you receive his reassurance and he can't help but brush it under the rug.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He nods. "Yeah, baby." Though, he isn't.

"Okay." You kiss him on the lips and caress his cheek, smiling at him. His heart aches because he thinks about all the moments you've had to share secretly or behind doors, not being able to put your relationship out there like you both wish to. He finally lets the 'what if's' free, thinking about how this could affect your future, you;

He can't help but feel like, maybe, you deserved better than this.

—read 11.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

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ckret2 · 11 months ago

Text

Chapter 40 of human Bill Cipher, in spite of his fondest hopes, still being stuck in the Mystery Shack:

As much as Gideon wants out of the evil magic game, the survival of his father's used car dealership rides on Gideon's help.

And, relatedly, Bill's started receiving psychic car commercials.

1981

Ford had been in his study for what felt like forever, staring at the pile of papers and numbers on his desk, trying to stop the figures from shifting and swimming before his eyes; when something from behind him lit up the dim room with golden light and he a heard a familiar voice behind his shoulder—

"Heeey, Stanford! You've been having a lot of dreams about tax forms lately, what gives?"

Ford was startled out of his thoughts. He turned around, smiling in relief. "Oh, Bill! Hello." Apparently he was dreaming. Thank goodness. It explained why he couldn't seem to get these forms to make sense. "How long have you been watching me?"

"About twenty years."

"What?"

"About twenty minutes," Bill said. "I wasn't going to bug you tonight, but usually your dreams are a little more adventurous! You're starting to worry me, kid." He disintegrated the tax forms with a gesture and floated down to sit on Ford's desk, like a razor-thin glowing paperweight. It was strange to see him cross his legs. "What's on your subconscious?"

Ford hadn't thought his Muse cared that much about his day-to-day human troubles. It was comforting to know someone was worrying about him—someone so far beyond human potential that maybe Ford didn't have to worry he'd be disappointed to learn Ford was struggling a little. "It's my grant money," he sighed. "I feel like my research into Gravity Falls is nowhere near completion, but that money will only last for so long. It won't be long before I'll need to ask for more funding, and I'll have a hard time convincing anyone if I don't have anything to show for it, but I don't want to share incomplete research..."

"Ah, money. The second-worst curse human society's ever inflicted on itself."

"What's the worst one?"

"Marriage."

Ford barked a laugh. It wasn't even that funny a joke; it was just such unexpectedly human cynicism for such an otherworldly entity. It sounded like a joke Ford's dad would make.

"Well, money. What to do..." Bill drummed his fingers on Ford's desk, gazing off into the distance as he thought. Ford realized that, at some point while he was distracted, most of his study had vanished, leaving his desk and chair sitting precariously atop a faint gridded plane in the starry blue void where he usually met Bill. Finally, Bill said, "Have you considered buying gold?"

He hadn't. "Will it help?"

"Sure it will! Eventually!"

"In time to help pay my mortgage?"

"Hmm." Bill thought a moment longer, then snapped his fingers. "Got an idea." He floated off of Ford's desk to eye level, strange sigils appearing in white-blue light around him. "Do you happen to know where the people who decide your funding live?"

"Er... the general area." It had to be near the Backupsmore campus, didn't it?

"Then I might be able to help you!" The symbols solidified around Bill. "I know a little spell to help persuade people. It'll let you plant ideas in their dreams—give 'em a little subliminal nudge. It could make some bigwigs come around on the importance of the research you're doing out here."

A fascinating concept. Ford studied the sigils greedily. He didn't recognize them, but they looked fairly simple. "You're not... talking about mind control?"

"Nah, that's not in my wheelhouse. It'll just let you... talk to them! Like I talk to you! I'm not controlling you, am I?" His eye curved up in a facsimile of a smile. "But you'll find most people have a harder time ignoring you when you're talking to them inside their own heads. What they do with that when they wake up is up to them. Just think of it as a way to schedule an interview where you'll have their undivided attention."

Ford pressed his lips together as he thought; then shook his head. "Thank you, Bill, but no. I wouldn't feel right earning money that way. I'd rather know they were impressed by the scientific and historical value of my work—and if I use magic, I'll never know for sure if they really thought my work measured up."

Bill laughed. "That's what I like about you, Stanford! You really shoot for the stars—and you've got the work ethic to get there! You don't want the fame and fortune unless you earn it!"

Ford was momentarily taken aback. It was rare that his muse openly complimented him; on most nights he dealt with Ford with a sort of cool, detached fondness, something a little too distant to be real affection. When he did voice his approval, it was like the sun coming out after a month of cloud cover. There were nights, when Ford was really feeling his isolation in these woods and he'd half convinced himself all his years of research had been a waste of time, when he was half willing to chase that sunshine to the ends of the earth.

"You'll do whatever it takes to finish your research, won't you?" Bill asked.

Ford gave Bill an awkward, self-conscious smile. "Of course I will. How could I not?"

"Hey, not everyone has your ambition! Most people take the easy way to the top. Cheating, copying, riding on greater men's coattails... Some guys earn the dough to buy their gold, others just want to dig for someone else's." Bill spread his hands in a shrug. "Well, it was an idea." The sigils started to fade.

Ford raised a hand. "Hold on. I don't want to use it, but... do you think I could learn that spell anyway?" He smiled hopefully. "For research?"

"For fun?"

"For fun."

Bill laughed. "I was waiting for you to ask!" The sigils reappeared, and next to them appeared an incantation. "All right, I'll walk you through it. Pay attention, I don't think you've got enough time to go over it twice this REM cycle."

Ford nodded, focusing fully on Bill, determined to remember the spell well enough to record it in Journal 2 when he woke up.

####

Spring, 2013

Tentatively, Bud Gleeful said, "Son... now, I know you lost that spooky grimoire of yours. But... don't you have anything left that might help out the dealership?"

Gideon growled in irritation. "I told you, father! Everything I knew was in Journal 2! It's gone! Anyway, I'm just trying to be a normal kid now. I don't want to get mixed up in any more magic. I'm through with it."

"I understand," Bud said, nodding. "And I think that's mighty admirable of you, turning over a new leaf like that. Shows real maturity." He hesitated, wringing his hands together. He pre-emptively winced and said, "But it's just that... business hasn't exactly been booming, ever since your little tenure as Bill's sheriff. And you know I love the fellas you made friends with in the penitentiary, they're all such... colorful characters; but having them hang around does make folks a little wary to drive into the parking lot..."

Volume doubling, Gideon snapped, "Are you saying it's my fault?!"

"No, son, no. You know I'd never." Bud knelt down, and—cautiously, like he was trying to pet a feral cat—put a hand on Gideon's shoulder. "But, well... business is slumping, that's all. We'll be fine as long as we live within our means, don't you worry about that—but our means might not cover luxuries like those fancy suits and fine new boots you like so much, you understand."

Gideon lowered his gaze, tugging self-consciously on the sleeve of his favorite suit jacket. It was already just a little too short to be fashionable; he probably didn't have long until he outgrew it completely.

"Your mother and I are doing all we can," Bud said. "If there's anything you can do... well, you don't have to, of course. But—it'd be a mighty big help."

Gideon grit his teeth, glaring at his feet. (How long until he outgrew all his shoes? He had a growth spurt coming "any day now," he'd been told. The prospect didn't excite him.) He balled his hands into fists; and then muttered, "There... might be one spell I remember... the sigils were pretty simple..."

####

June 2013

Bill could see it in his mind's eye: if he kept pushing and pushing eventually there'd be no more room in two dimensional space for his mother to fill, and then she'd be forced to bend UP, up into the third dimension, all that open free space. Then she'd see the dark, she'd see the far points of light—

"STOP!" His mother howled in pain. He kept pushing. She was out of room. She didn't bend up. He shoved—and she splintered. Bone snapping, cartilage tearing, he could see inside her thin body as things broke and ruptured. He didn't know what to do.

And for several long, long seconds—he couldn't remember what was happening. The world seemed to bend wrong, and he couldn't remember.

At least, he couldn't have remembered a few weeks ago. He hadn't wanted to. But he'd been studying a book on lucid dreaming since then; and the first things it taught was how to remember more of his dreams. And now, he recalled exactly what happened next when he pushed his mother and she splintered and ruptured:

He pushed harder.

Her skin fractured and peeled off, strand after strand. It filled the spaces between his fingertips, wrapped up his arms. He could shut his eye but he still saw it through his eyelid, still felt it tickling at the corners of his mouth.

"You want me to tell everyone the third dimension's full of dead shapes?! Huh?!" All he could see was blood and bone and peeling skin. "Then why don't you go find them for me!" He let out an angry, hysterical, broken laugh.

Her hand grabbed weakly at his.

He let go and jolted back, gasping—and almost retched. What had he done? He hadn't meant to. But he'd kept pushing—but it was too late by then. It was too late by then, wasn't it?

"What have you done?"

Bill whirled around to face— "Dad?"

The green trapezoid looked as sick as Bill felt, eye darting in horror across the crumpled line in the corner. He couldn't even see most of it from where he was—his eye didn't work like Bill's, he couldn't look through the mess of skin to the gore beneath.

"It was an accident," Bill whispered. (He'd kept pushing.) "It really was, I promise."

His father tore his eye from the corpse to Bill's face. "What are we going to tell your followers?"

Bill looked past his father. Through a wall so thin Bill almost couldn't see it, hundreds upon hundreds of shapes were settled, waiting—to see him. He was sure: somehow, somehow, they could see him too. They knew what he'd done. His life was over.

A thunderous voice boomed, "Whooee, what a fix! Boy, you look like you could use a getaway car, couldn't you?"

Bill blinked. He blinked again. He looked up-but-not-north.

A human in a pink Hawaiian shirt, standing on top of the universe, looked down at him.

Bill said, "What."

"Here, let me just—getcha right—" The human plunged his hand through the second dimension, scooped beneath Bill, and popped him right up off the surface of the universe. "Now, if you'll pardon my saying so, you look like you could use a little help getting somewhere far, far away from here!"

Bill stared at him. "What."

"And I've got just the thing to help you!" the human declared. "Aren't you feeling stuck? Trapped? Just can't take your obligations anymore? Miserable you can't hit the road and see all of—well—" he gestured vaguely out at the flat surface of the universe stretching into the distance "—whatever this is? Then you need to visit your buddy Bud Gleeful—(that's me)—at Gleeful's Auto Sales, the finest used car dealership in Roadkill County! We'll get you a set of wheels that'll carry you on the cross-country police-evading tour of your dreams!" He dropped his voice and murmured to Bill from behind his hand, "Warranty expires at the state line."

"What." Bill looked down at the universe—and was disappointed but not surprised to see he wasn't a triangle anymore, but a human. He looked at Bud again. "Are you advertising to me. Is this an advertisement. Am I getting advertised to in my sleep."

"And if you sign before you leave, we'll throw in a free air freshener," Bud added.

Bill stared at him in horrified amazement. "I am going to kill you," he said. "And then I'm going to wake up and kill you in real life."

"Ah, well. That's a right shame."

####

Bill shot straight up with a roar of rage. "Oh, when I get my hands on...!"

"Whoa. Bad dream?"

Bill whirled around with a murderous glare. Dipper's spirit, ghastly and pale, was hovering in the middle of the attic. Bill snapped, "You're a bad dream!" He scrambled after the spirit.

"Whoa! Hey!" Dipper tried to swoop away from Bill toward the stairs.

Bill caught him by the back of the neck. "You are going back in your bo—bed, you're getting in, and you're not getting back out."

"Ow, let go!" Dipper squirmed in Bill's grip, kicking his feet in the air. "I was just going to turn off the TV! I heard it playing an advertisement, I think that's what put me in... you know." He gestured at himself. "The sleepwalking dream."

Bill hesitated in front of the kids' door. "What advertisement?"

"I don't know, it was too far away to tell. But I know it was an advertisement, it sounded... advertise-y."

"Hmm." Bill considered that. And then he flung Dipper's soul through the door.

"HEY!"

"I'll turn off the TV," Bill said. "Go back to sleep!"

Ugh. Everything ached, his stomach was trying to turn itself inside out in an attempt to escape and go forage for food independently, and the world held a vindictive grudge against Bill personally. He trudged downstairs, muttering crabbily to himself.

He wasn't surprised to discover the TV was off.

####

"I'm conducting a survey," Bill said. "Did you hear any advertisements from the TV last night? Maybe have any dreams that might have been influenced by hearing an ad?"

"Uh..." Soos slowed at the bottom of the stairs as he thought. "Nope. Slept like a baby all night."

"Interesting." He waved at Melody to try to catch her attention. "Hey, how about you?"

"Nope!" Already dressed for work, she hurried from the stairs to the living room without even glancing Bill's way. She tended not to linger when he was nearby. He told himself he was flattered.

"Dude," Soos said, "What happened to your arm?"

Bill looked down. On the underside of his forearm were two thick lines set at an angle, burned so dark brown they were nearly black. "Leaned on the stove after someone used the burner. Oops."

"Do you need...?"

"Don't worry about it, it's already healing." Bill rolled down his hoodie's sleeves as he leaned into the kitchen, "How 'bout you, Stan? Hear any phantom ads last night?"

"Nuh-uh. But I sleep with my hearing aids out," Stan said. "The only things loud and grating enough to wake me are a car horn or your voice."

"Ha!" Bill looked from Stan's side of the table to Ford's—and Ford wasn't facing him, but he was glancing from the corner of his eye toward Bill's arms.

Bill turned away without asking anything. No point. Obviously, Ford had been too far underground to have picked up anything. Bill told himself Ford was seething at getting the cold shoulder.

"What're we talking about?" Mabel asked, coming downstairs with Dipper close behind.

Bill looked at her—and then let his gaze sweep past her with the same cold disinterest he'd favored Ford with. He brushed past her to head upstairs. "Hey, somnambulist." He shoved Dipper's hat down over his eyes as he passed. "TV was off. No one else heard anything. You dreamed your stupid ad."

"Hey." Dipper pulled his hat back up. "Jerk."

Mabel called, "Bill?"

He ignored her and kept walking.

####

"What was that all about?"

Bill was curled up in the attic window seat, flipping covetously through an issue of Gold Chains For Old Men; at the sound of Mabel's irritated voice, he merely said, "Oh, hello." He turned another page. "Here to try to make a fool of me some more?"

She planted her hands on her hips. "Bill, what are you talking about?"

"Tell me about those 'Mysteries' of yours. Did you plan your story any deeper than that? Were you going to arrange for me to catch you with a cloak and dagger just to make me wonder?"

Mabel paused. "Oh." She laughed weakly.

"So how many people were in on it, huh? Was it just you and Stanford, or did you have the whole house laughing at me behind my back?"

"It—it was just us two." She leaned on the wall by Bill's feet. "Um, so... are you actually mad?"

He shot her a venomous look, then lifted his magazine so he couldn't see her any more.

"Come on!" She poked his knee. "It was a harmless prank! And you lie to everyone all the time."

"No I don't."

"You're so sensitive."

"I am not," Bill said indignantly. "I'm proud. I have pride. And lately pride's about the only thing I have going for me. And I didn't think a friend would try to undermine it."

Mabel heaved a sigh. "Okay, all right. Sorry."

Bill lowered his magazine to peer at her skeptically. "Are you really?"

"Well, yeah." She leaned against the window seat. "It was just a joke, I don't wanna hurt your feelings."

He stared her down a moment longer, assessing her sincerity. And then he sat up and pulled her into a hug.

She squawked in surprise, but returned the embrace. "Bill! What—?"

"You're sweet, you know that, star girl?" He gave her one last squeeze and let her go. "When you aren't trying to make me look dumb. But you don't rub salt in the wounds, that's what matters."

"Pfff. I kinda think you'd try to kill me if I did."

"Mmyeah, I might." He wouldn't. Only person in this entire dull rotten world who was willing to apologize for wronging him. He wasn't giving her up easily. "Hey—did you happen to hear any commercials last night? Maybe have any dreams that might've been caused by one?"

"Nope! I had a dream about cats fighting a war against an octopus."

"Oh, that one. Did the octopus win or did the lions show up in time?"

Mabel paused. "It's always creepy when you do that. But the octopus won this time."

"Aww. That poor picturesque beach town."

"I tried to get between the octopus and the town when the cats failed."

"Did you stop it?"

Mabel shrugged. "Dunno. I woke up before it reached me."

"Too bad! But hey—you've been making big progress with your lucid dreaming. You'll get it next time!" No salesmen offering cars as war chariots for the cats, though. It was almost a pity. Bill would've liked to hear about Bud getting eaten by a giant octopus.

"So I guess Dipper was the only one who thought he heard a commercial."

Dipper and Bill. "Guess so."

####

The large, empty floor room, down the main hallway at the far end of the house, was among the few places Bill was allowed to go. Except when the humans had some big event like a dance or a museum exhibit planned, there was nothing in it but a flat old sofa, a fireplace he couldn't turn on, and Soos's electric piano taunting him. In spite of its relative isolation from the rest of the household, Bill rarely had reason to visit it.

But when he wanted space to pace and think, there was no better room.

Last night's advertisement was magic, no doubt. And he suspected he knew the exact spell. The Mystery Shack was way on the outskirts of Gravity Falls; probably nobody else here was affected because they were just out of range of the signal. The only reason Dipper had nearly picked it up was because he didn't have his thick skull in the way when his spirit was out of his body.

But Bill's psychic abilities had been heavily suppressed since he was put in this body. How was he channeling the signal so much more clearly than anyone else?

He thoughtfully ran his tongue over his new golden tooth. "Hmm."

####

Bud entered the Gleeful house flipping through a pile of mail. "Junk, junk, bills, junk... Here's your subscription, honeybunch." He held out an issue of Nervous Wrecks Weekly magazine. His wife paused her cycle of polishing the front window to stiffly take it.

"Junk, coupons... Gideon! You've got a fan letter!" He checked for a stamp indicating the tiny envelope had passed through a state correctional facility. "And it isn't even from the prison, isn't that nice!"

"Coming!" Gideon ran out of his room, snatched the letter from Bud's hand with a little grunt, ran back to his room giggling, and slammed the door.

Bud chuckled. "Joy, sweetie, you remember when that boy got so much fanmail he used to throw it out? These days he's excited for every single letter." The corners of his mouth turned down. "Suppose it's good for him, learning to appreciate the little things."

"Mhm." She looked down at the roses outside the window. She'd need to trim those soon. "I suppose it is."

In his room, Gideon studied the odd envelope. It was tiny—barely large enough for the address and the stamp, no return address—and when he turned it over he discovered lines of text printed on the paper. The flap was tucked carefully into a fold in the envelope that held it tight.

As he pulled out the flap, he realized that the envelope wasn't held together with glue; it was some sort of cleverly-folded origami craft that began to unfold in his hands as he pulled out the flap. The letter was written on the inside of the envelope. "Why—what a delightful little creation!" He sat at his dressing table to focus on unfolding the letter, careful not to damage it so he could re-fold it later.

Once he'd smoothed it out, he could see that the paper was carefully torn from a book. The outside of the envelope was made from the last page of a chapter, with only a few lines of text at the top of the page and the rest left conveniently blank. It talked about telling the difference between waking and dreaming.

He turned the page over to read the letter.

GIDEON–

IT'S ADORABLE THAT YOU'RE USING A DREAM COUNTERFEITING SPELL FOR CAPITALISM! I BET YOUR PARENTS ARE PROUD! HOWEVER, MY FILLINGS ARE PICKING UP AUTO DEALERSHIP ADS ALL NIGHT. IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. CUT IT OUT.

In place of a signature, there was a triangle with an eye.

Gideon's blood ran cold.

He read the letter again, then studied the words themselves. He didn't recognize the tall, thin, crooked handwriting. He flipped over the envelope. No return address. He noticed for the first time that the letter wasn't addressed to "Gideon". It said "STAR BOY". Fan mail. Right.

The postmark was from Gravity Falls.

"It can't be Bill," Gideon muttered to himself. "Bill's dead. It's got to be some prankster with a twisted sense of humor..."

But then, how could some prankster know he was doing dream magic? Did anyone else even know that Bill had called him "Star Boy"?

No. It had to be a prankster. If Bill were alive, he'd be doing much worse than sending letters and complaining about fillings.

He crumpled up the letter and threw it away. His father's business needed Gideon to do whatever he could to help. Gideon's own financial future depended on it. He wasn't about to let some prankster stop him.

####

There was a rumble of several motorcycles and a revving car engine outside the Gleeful house, disturbing the late evening still. Gideon came in the front door wearing a little backpack, waving behind himself as he came in. "Thanks for the ride, Ghost-Eyes! Good talk today! I'll see y'all this weekend for brunch!" He shut the door as the engines receded into the distance.

"Welcome home, son," Bud said from the couch. "How were the ex-convicts this week?"

"Oh, great, just great. Graybeard's daughter is gonna let him meet his grandson and Spiderwebs got a new job."

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear. I know you were real concerned for Spiderwebs."

"I shouldn't have worried! He got work at an alpaca ranch on the other side of town, did you know there's an alpaca ranch 'round here?"

"Can't say I did!"

"I think it's a good fit for him. Being out in nature calms him down."

An uneasy silence fell over the room as they waited a polite amount of time to change the topic. In the kitchen, Joy cleaned the same dish for the third time.

Bud cleared his throat. "Well, uh—you know, it's been a couple of days since we've run a 'nighttime ad.' Do you think it's a good time to...?"

Gideon squeezed his backpack's straps. He could still see that spindly text reading "STAR BOY". "Do you think? I don't want to put 'em too close together, folks might notice..."

Bud grimaced. "It can't hurt. It's been almost two weeks since I sold a car."

Gideon scowled. But he nodded. "Yeah, all right. I'll go set up."

"You know how much your mother and I appreciate it," Bud said. "I'll go heat up dinner."

Gideon went to his room, tossed his backpack on his bed, rolled out the tarp on which he'd drawn the circle and sigils in permanent marker, and set up the candlesticks and candles around the perimeter. His father called him to dinner; they watched an evening talk show; and after a little more dawdling, they figured it was late enough that most folks would be asleep, and went to Gideon's room to get to work.

As Bud awkwardly lowered himself to sit in the circle and Gideon lit the candles, Gideon asked, "Father, do you ever... remember who you talk to? I mean, whose dreams you're in?"

Bud considered that, pursing his lips. "No, can't say I do. It's a bit like I'm dreaming myself," he said. "And it's sort of a jumble of a few hundred dreams, too. Like I'm visiting the whole town at once. All I can recall is a blur!"

Gideon frowned. "I see."

"You sure you don't want to be sitting in the circle this time?" Bud asked. "I'd bet if folks saw you in their dreams telling them to buy a car, why, they'd just rush right down."

These days, Gideon wasn't so sure. Sourly, he said, "I don't want to get involved." He'd gotten enough of starring in his father's car commercials when he was younger. He'd thought he'd escaped that completely when he picked up the telepathy act; he didn't relish the thought of using telepathy to star in another car commercial.

"All right, suit yourself. Just keep it in mind." Bud got as comfortable as he could on the floor and shut his eyes.

Gideon took a deep breath and began chanting: "Dreamers, hear me, from far far away; tonight you'll dream of what I say; dreamers, hear me, from far far away; tonight you'll dream of what I say; dreamers, hear me, from far far away..."

The flames flickered and turned bright blue. A purplish shimmery light surrounded Bud; and as Gideon kept chanting, the light expanded to the edge of the circle and beyond, creeping across the floor, over the bed—

A shrill wail filled the room. They both started, losing their concentration. The wail persisted several seconds before it resolved into a eardrum-bursting roar of words: "HI I'M SCOUT YOUNGER AND I'M IN A PICKLE SO YOU CAN DRIVE FOR A NICKEL! I'VE GOT SO MANY CARS I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT 'EM! SO WE'RE GIVING THEM AWAY FOR FIVE CENTS, THAT'S RIGHT FIVE CENTS! SCOUT YOUNGER, I'M A DEALER BY THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE—"

"Dagnabbit," Bud shouted, "that's the man undermining my no-barter-for-a-quarter deal and getting all my business! He's halfway to Portland—but darn it, his commercials are so catchy!"

"—THAT'S YOUNGER PATRIOT CARS, ON THE NORTH SIDE OF INTERSTATE—" The commercial was cut off with a clap of thunder that made them both jump again.

And before the dying rumbles of the thunder had fully faded, a second voice spoke—a high-pitched, furious shriek that Gideon hadn't heard in nearly a year but instantly recognized: "SEE HOW YOU LIKE GETTING USED CAR ADS SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, YOU LITTLE TWERP. THIS IS MY FINAL WARNING!"

There was another crack of thunder; and then nothing.

Nothing but a faint, muffled, mechanical whir coming from Gideon's bed.

Slowly, Bud said, "Is that...?"

Gideon looked under his bed; then on top, tugging over his backpack and unzipping it; and he pulled out a still-running cassette tape player. A complicated sigil was painted on top of the player and stretched over the play button, glowing shimmery purple as though it had absorbed the magic from Gideon's spell.

Bud took the tape player, stopped it, rewound a bit, turned down the volume dial, and hit play: "—your throat in the middle of the night, you little—"

He stopped the tape. He and Gideon looked at each other.

Bud said, "Don't tell your mother."

####

"Third lap!" Dipper crowed as his car zoomed over the line on the digital racetrack. "You'd better catch up fast!"

"Aw, c'mon," Mabel groaned. She tilted her body along with her game controller as she steered her car around a tricky curve, as though that would help her go a little faster. "No fair, I'd be winning if you didn't throw a goose at me—"

"Pff, shut up, you always use the goose."

Bill was sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching the fish tank—as far as either Dipper or Mabel could tell, having a staring contest with the axolotl—but without breaking eye contact with the tank, he leaned over to elbow Dipper's knee. "Hey kid. Go left."

"What? No, shut up." Dipper tried to kick Bill's arm away.

"Go left. Trust me, it's a hidden shortcut."

"No! You're not even watching."

"I'm psychic. Go left."

"No." Dipper jerked his car to the right. It drove off the track and landed in quicksand. "Aw, man—"

"YES!" Mabel sailed past him. A fanfare played as she crossed the finish line. "The winner! Woo-woooo!"

Bill beamed as Dipper glared at the side of his face.

Somebody knocked on the door—and kept knocking, frantically hammering for attention. Dipper and Mabel looked over.

Bill glanced over, rolled his eyes, said, "You don't want to answer that," and looked back at the fish tank.

Dipper glared at him again, stood, and went to answer the door, Mabel close behind. "Hel— Gideon?"

"Told you," Bill muttered.

Gideon was sweating, panting, and wild-eyed with panic. "Mabel! Dipper!" He paused to give Mabel a sweet smile. "Hi Mabel~♡" And straight back to panic. "We've got a problem! I know y'all don't want me 'round here, but—but this is an emergency!"

Dipper glanced at Mabel. She sighed, but reluctantly stepped back to let Gideon in. "All right. What is it?"

"I know I sound insane, but—but you have to trust me," Gideon said. "I don't know how, and I don't know why, but Bill Cipher's back! I'm sure it's Bill, it can't be anyone else, he... he knows things only somebody with his powers could know!" He paced anxiously in front of the twins, "He's been sending me threatening mail and harassing me and—and I don't know what he's up to, but we've got to find him and stop him! You've gotta help me!" He grabbed Dipper's arms. "I think he might be trying to kill my family!"

Dipper and Mabel turned to glare at Bill.

He was determinedly studying the fish tank.

"Hey, Goldie," Dipper snapped.

Bill glanced over with an expression of mild interest. "Hm?"

"Gideon here says that Bill's been harassing him," Dipper said. "What do you think about that."

"Oh wow," Bill said, extremely unconvincingly. "That's so crazy. I can't even believe it."

Gideon's anxious gaze darted past Dipper and Mabel. "Who's...?" He thought he remembered seeing that stranger around Wendy.

Dipper stepped between their line of sight. "Thanks, Gideon. We'll handle this... problem."

The stranger got to his feet and sauntered to the entryway. "Hey Gideon. Just out of curiosity, what were y—"

Mabel cut in, "Bye, Gideon!" She tried to push him toward the door. "We'll see you later!"

The stranger leaned over Gideon, planting a hand on the doorframe. "—what were you doing that got on Bill's nerves so much, I wonder—"

"Shhh!" Mabel tried to push Bill away.

Had Gideon not heard the voice so recently, he might not have noticed anything odd about the stranger in front of him. But as it was, a chill instantly ran up his spine. He slowly looked up. The menacing smile was unfamiliar, but the eye... something was wrong with that eye. The longer he stared into it, the more he could see the cruel, mad, golden inhumanity.

Gideon squealed in terror and bolted out the door.

Dipper squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. "Seriously?"

Mabel chased after him. "Gideon! Gideon wait!" She caught up with him rounding in front of the gift shop and had to tackle him into the dirt.

"Get offa me! You're working for him, you traitor—"

"Gideon, listen! We're not working for him, he's our prisoner!"

"Oh." Gideon stopped struggling. "Well, that's a different kettle of corn, isn't it."

Mabel sighed in relief. She backed off Gideon, but had to hold his ankle to make sure he wouldn't bolt again. "Okay, look. We don't know how, but Bill's stuck in a human body, and he's got no powers."

"How do y'all know he isn't faking it?"

"Because he tried to kill us and we beat him up." She winced. "We've... kind of beat him up a lot."

Gideon nodded. "O... okay."

"But you can't tell anybody," Mabel said. "If there's an angry mob or something and he gets executed, the real Bill might hatch from his body like an egg and he'll take over the town again!"

Gideon shuddered. He could almost still feel ache in his legs and the blisters on his feet under the adorable sparkly pink shoes.

"So he's fine here with us. We've got everything under control, he's not dangerous like this—" Mabel turned around to shout, "—and HE SHOULDN'T BE SENDING THREATENING LETTERS, BILL."

Bill's voice drifted from around the corner of the house: "YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"

Dipper said, "What did Gideon do to warrant that, anyway?"

Bill glowered into the distance. "He knows what he did."

"Okay, I-I won't tell anyone. I promise." Pitifully, Gideon asked, "Can I go home now?"

"Yeah, you can go home now." Mabel let him go. He got up and ran as fast as his little legs would carry him.

####

They reconvened in the living room. Dipper and Mabel stood in front of Bill, glaring. Bill sat on the sofa, smiling innocently.

"Bill," Mabel said. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Oh, yeah?" Lots of people thought he should be ashamed of himself, but not many had the guts to say so.

"Bullying Gideon like that!"

"I have an excuse," Bill said. "I've been crabby this week. Body made me crabby. Some kind of human neurotransmitter imbalance. I didn't sign up to have neurotransmitters, it's completely out of my hands."

"That's not an excuse," Dipper said.

"Plus, you're an entire adult thing!" Mabel said. "You're picking on a little kid! He's like, eleven!"

"So? There's not a lot of difference between eleven and a hundred eleven when you're a million million years old."

"Then maybe you're too old to bully anybody."

Bill blinked in mild surprise. "Huh."

Dipper said, "Plus, you're gonna blow your cover and get everyone in trouble!"

Bill shrugged. "He can't prove anything! Anyone could have sent a letter pretending to be me."

Mabel asked, "How did you send a letter, anyway?"

####

"Hey, Soos," Mabel yelled, "Can you send a letter for me?"

"Sure thing, hambone! Just stick it on the pile in the kitchen."

Mabel licked a stamp, haphazardly slapped it on the envelope to her parents, tossed it on the other mail, and ran back upstairs.

Bill crept into the kitchen, peeled the stamp off Mabel's envelope before it dried, stuck it on his tiny origami letter, and stuffed them both into the middle of the mail pile. "Sorry, kid," he muttered. "You'll just have to resend this one."

####

"I have my ways," Bill said.

"And how did you 'harass' Gideon?" Dipper asked. "What could you possibly do from in here to harass him?"

####

Bill sat on the sofa in the floor room with Mabel's boombox radio on the floor, a cassette tape player/recorder he'd salvaged from the museum held up to the speaker with his thumb hovering over the record button, his other hand hovering over the key with the thunder sound effect on Soos's keyboard, an air horn between his knees, and a nearly-dead marker he'd fished out of Mabel's trash and revitalized with rubbing alcohol waiting next to him for drawing a magic-activated sigil. He glared at the boombox as the local radio station played an advertisement for air conditioning installation. "Come on," he muttered at the boombox. "Play the stupid car commercial."

The next ad started. "Bargain alert, bargain alert! I've got more used cars than I know what to do with! Hi, I'm Scout—"

"Yes," Bill hissed. He hit the record button, squeezed the air horn between his knees, held the tape recorder up to the boombox until the end of the commercial, kicked the boombox's power button, quickly held the tape recorder up to the piano, and triumphantly hit the key that produced the sound of a flushing toilet.

"NO!" He kicked the electric piano's leg, flung the tape recorder to the other end of the sofa, and flopped face down on the cushions. After permitting himself a moment of grief at the injustice of it all, he dragged over the tape recorder, stopped it, rewound it back to the start, hit the lightning key several times to make sure he had it, and then set up again to wait for the next time the car commercial played.

####

"Hey Wendy, could you get this door for me?"

Wendy gave Bill a puzzled look. "That's the wrong hallway. Rainbow Club's down that one." She pointed at the door across the room.

"I know, I'm just looking for the restroom! I need to dooo... girl hygiene things?"

Wendy looked at the tape player-shaped lump under Bill's shirt, looked at his face, and raised her brow.

"Okay, okay. I'm gonna prank Lil Gideon."

Wendy opened the door, leaned through, and opened a second door to a coat closet. "Good luck. We're all counting on you."

Bill saluted her, and rummaged through the leather biker jackets in search of Gideon's little backpack.

####

"You've got no idea what kind of dark powers I still have at my disposal," Bill boasted, leaning back and lacing his hands behind his head.

Dipper turned to Mabel. "Yeah, he's got nothing. He probably bribed a tourist to call Gideon's house or something."

Bill scowled, but didn't dignify Dipper with a response. "Anyway, the game's over now that Gideon knows where I am. I won't do it again."

Dipper scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Why should we trust you?"

"Because," Bill said calmly, "if I do it again, you'll have to tell your uncles, and I'll be in serious trouble. So I won't... and therefore, you won't. Right?"

Dipper frowned, but looked at Mabel. Mabel was considering Bill with her hands on her hips. She prompted, "Aaand...?"

It took Bill a moment to figure out what she was aiming for. "And I've realized I was mean and I'm very remorseful for my hurtful actions."

Mabel pointed at him. "That's what I wanna hear!" She looked at Dipper. "I think we can let him off with a warning."

Dipper shook his head in resignation.

Mabel said, "But you're not stopping there, Bill."

"How's that?"

"Come on, man, think!" She poked her finger against her temple. "You know the answer! We just watched this episode yesterday!"

"Episode?" Dipper asked.

"I've been using Color Critters to teach him social skills."

Bill said, "I have social skills, all you're doing is showing me what'll be on the test."

"That's how learning works, dummy! I wanna hear you regurgitate that textbook answer!"

Bill opened his mouth, stuck out his tongue, and pantomimed sticking his finger down his throat and gagging; but then he said, with a blatantly artificial chipper tone, "'If we hurt our friends, we should try to find a way to make it up to them and make sure it can't happen again.'"

"That's right! 98 points! I'm taking two off for attitude."

"So how do you expect me to make it up to him? I can't exactly un-send him a letter. Unless you're gonna loan me that time tape—"

"Stop asking for the time tape," Dipper said, "it'll never happen."

Bill shrugged. "Then what do you suggest."

"Figure it out yourself," Mabel said. "You're the one who's gotta make it up to Gideon, not us."

Bill rolled his eye. "Is this part of the terms to buy your silence?"

"Yeah, it is."

"All right, fine." Bill sighed and stood up. "Give me a bit to brainstorm. I'll be upstairs." He meandered out of the room.

Mabel called after him, "You better not think you're wiggling out of this!"

"Relax! I won't disappoint you, Shooting Star. Promise."

Once he was out of earshot, Dipper turned to Mabel. "How do you expect him to make it up to Gideon?"

"He should say 'sorry.'"

Dipper nodded. Okay, sure, that sounded reasonable. "How long do you think it'll take for him to think of apologizing?"

"I'd give it a couple of hours."

####

(If you recognize the dealership being parodied, we now share a warrior's bond. Anyway hope y'all enjoyed, I've been looking forward to introducing Gideon for a long time! As always, I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts and comments on the chapter!)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #gideon gleeful #mabel pines #dipper pines #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanart #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher #(i got impatient I'm posting this a few hours early)

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chvoswxtch · 1 year ago

Text

pancakes

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

summary: a major setback causes you and frank to have to think quickly on your feet to find a new lead.

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of guns & bombs

word count: 7.9k

a/n: so, i had to do a LOT of research about bombs for this chapter. in the event that i disappear, just know the fbi probably has me detained somewhere for my questionable search history, and i'm having to explain i'm a writer, not a serial killer. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

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A golden ray of honey dripped through the sliver of space between the thick wooly curtains in the motel room, dancing right across your eyes like a spotlight across a stage. The glow of the sun rising above the horizon of your eyelids parted the clouds of your subconscious, causing you to shift back into a sentient state. In your half-dazed condition, all of your limbs slowly uncoiled from their curled up position, and when your palm brushed against the empty sheets beside you that were cool to the touch, the absence of Frank’s warmth had you suddenly rousing awake.

Rubbing the remaining residue of sleep from your eyes, you glanced around the dimly lit room through a blanket of semi-coherence while you pushed back the thin quilt and scratchy sheets to sit up in the stiff bed. The motel room was completely silent, and the small analog clock on the nightstand showed that it was seven thirteen in the morning. As you looked around the room, you noticed that Frank’s duffel bag was missing.

Frank was also missing.

When you got out of the bed and made your way over towards the windows, you pulled back one of the thick wooly curtains, wincing slightly as the sunlight shone right in your eyes that were still in the process of adjusting to the new lighting in the room. When you saw that Frank’s truck was gone, a crease of confusion furrowed between your brows instantly.

“What the hell?”

Surely Frank wouldn’t have left you alone in a motel room in the middle of nowhere when a terrorist group was actively trying to kill you…right?

Looking around for your bag, you found it on the small round table next to the window, and your nimble fingers produced your phone quickly, only to find a dead battery signal glaring at you from the screen in neon red. As you frantically searched through your bag for a charger, it abruptly dawned on you that you didn’t have one. The only thing you had grabbed from your place the night you were attacked was your phone and your bag.

Panic instantly began to spread throughout your nervous system like wildfire on an unsuspecting barren forest.

You had absolutely no idea what town you were in, no mode of transportation to get anywhere, no phone to call Frank, no anything. You didn’t even have a goddamn toothbrush. For ten minutes, you searched every inch of that motel room for some kind of note, or something that Frank might have left indicating where he was going and when he would be back. In a fit of mania, you searched all of the drawers in the nightstands, all of the cabinets in the bathroom, underneath the bed and beneath the mattress, even inside both of the pillow cases. You also ripped the horrendous paisley quilt and the scratchy sheets off the mattress in a frenzy thinking something might have gotten lost in them somehow.

When you realized that Frank hadn’t left any clues behind for you, instantly you began to catastrophize the worst possible case scenarios while furiously pacing back and forth in front of the bed.

What if Frank was hurt badly somewhere? What if someone had come for you, and taken him instead? What if he had just abandoned you here because he didn’t want to deal with you anymore?

It was now seven thirty-seven in the morning, and you couldn’t take another minute of sitting in this empty hotel room alone with no answers. You swiftly changed back into your own clothes, deciding to stop by the motel office first to see if anyone had seen Frank leave. Maybe they could at least point you in the direction he had gone; Frank was not exactly an easy guy to miss. Someone had to have seen him leave, and it was the only idea you had at the moment that was keeping you from having a full on meltdown.

In the process of slipping on your shoes while sitting on the edge of the bare mattress, the lock on the door to the room suddenly clicked, and your head snapped up abruptly to see Frank’s broad figure appear taking up the entire door frame. In the span of a second, three emotions flashed through you; relief, confusion, and anger. Before he could even take a step into the room past the threshold, you subconsciously reached for the bare pillow on the bed beside you and hurled it in his direction as hard as you could.

Frank’s face instantly morphed from being stuck in an expression of concrete lividity to twisting up into pure obscurity. There was a faint twinge of offense nestled between his thick brows when he instinctively reached out to catch the the pillow, staring over at you in a state of complete disorientation.

“What the hell was-”

“Goddammit Frank! Where the fuck have you been?”

The shrill tone of your voice immediately caught his attention and subsequently softened the furrow between his full ebony brows. Frank’s eyes flickered around the space, taking in the disheveled state of everything before his curious gaze landed back on you. He took a cautious step into the room and gently closed the door behind himself, his vigilant stare locked on you.

“What happened?”

In a fit of frustration that was bubbling over with pure adrenaline from the anxiety rushing through your bloodstream, you reached for the other bare pillow and hurled it right towards his head, watching as it hit the wall behind Frank with a soft thud when he quickly ducked. Confusion creased in the center of his forehead again while he stared at you incredulously.

“You happened, you dick! I woke up and you weren’t here! All your stuff was gone, your truck was gone, you didn’t bothering leaving a fucking note. I had no idea if you were dead in a ditch somewhere or just ran off to be an asshole, leaving me stranded here in the middle of fucking nowhere with no way to leave and no phone!”

By the time you finished your hysteric rant, your chest was heaving from how hard you were breathing, and your hands trembled slightly at your sides where they were balled into tight fists. Frank’s face instantly dropped into a contortion of remorse when he took in the sheer look of terror in your eyes. Noticing the way your hands shook slightly with trepidation, his deep brown eyes softened with guilt, and he took a tentative step in your direction with his large hands held up in a faint sign of surrender.

“Sweetheart…m’sorry. I thought you’d still be sleepin’ by the time I got back. You usually sleep in when you ain’t workin’, and I thought…I shoulda left you a note or somethin’ just in case. I didn’t think ‘bout your phone bein’ dead. M’really sorry.”

The gentle cadence of Frank’s deep voice instantly soothed your lingering feelings of unease, and the overwhelming sensation of panic slowly dissipated seeing him staring down at you with his big puppy dog eyes swirling with regret. The contrition Frank felt was evident not just in his voice, but was also etched clearly on his face, and visible in his body language. He hadn’t meant to scare you. He also had a point; you weren’t a morning person by any means, and when it came to your days off, you did like to sleep in. Letting out a slow and deep exhale through your nose, you unclenched your fists slowly and and brought your arms up to cross over your chest.

“I would’ve slept in if those sheets weren’t made of sandpaper.”

Frank cocked his head to the side slightly as he heard you grumble under your breath, and the edge of his full lips curled up in bemusement at your sudden change in demeanor. For a second, he just eyed you quietly, taking in the sight of your messy bedhead, soft expression of irritation, and the evidence of the sleep you hadn’t gotten beneath your eyes.

“You’re awful grumpy in the mornin’, ya’know that?”

Letting out a quiet huff of annoyance, you narrowed your eyes into slits while looking up at him. Frank, unlike you, was a morning person. Well, sort of. Morning people are pleasant in the morning. Frank wasn’t always pleasant, he was just always up early. But given the recent knowledge of his military background, it made sense now.

As a matter of fact, a lot of things about him were starting to make more sense.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be so grumpy if someone hadn’t made me start my day with a close call of cardiac arrest.”

Frank let out a small chuckle at that and shook his head, glancing around at the cataclysmic mess you’d created in the motel room once again before looking back at you with one of his dark brows arched in challenge.

“Nah, you still woulda been grumpy. Now, you got anythin’ else you wanna throw at me? Or you want some coffee and breakfast?”

»»———　　———««

Halfway through your second coffee and devouring a stack of pancakes, you paused abruptly while staring inquisitively over at Frank across the table.

“Where did you go?”

Frank brought his own ceramic mug of black coffee to his lips, which looked comically small in his large hand, and took a hefty gulp as he swallowed down a bite of pancakes.

“The warehouse.”

A dry scoff left your lips as you let your fork drop onto your plate, making a sharp clattering noise that tore Frank’s gaze from his own plate up to your line of sight.

“I thought we weren’t going back there-”

“No, you weren’t goin’ back there.”

“Frank-”

“It don’t matter, it’s gone.”

As soon as those words left his lips, your vexation transitioned into perplexity. Your brows inched together in the middle of your forehead as you stared at Frank in pure puzzlement.

“What do you mean it’s gone? We were just there last night-”

“Someone burnt the goddamn thing down.”

Frank’s large hand was enclosed in a tight fist around his fork, and there was a slight edge to his gruff voice as he nearly glared across the table at you. His words only fueled your bewilderment, but the pissed off look on his face kept you from interrogating him any further. Frank leaned back into the booth of the table you two were sitting at in the small, outdated diner down the street from the motel and ran his fingers through his short, tousled dark waves in exasperation. His deep brown eyes scanned around the diner absentmindedly, a look of pure contemplation layering his appearance. After a moment of silence, he let out a heavy exhale through his large nose and looked over at you with a calmer expression.

“I went to check it out early this mornin’, and there were cops and firetrucks all over the damn place. Ain’t nothin’ left of it.”

Nothing left?

A sinking feeling settled in your stomach that the cop that had caught you and Frank last night had tipped the Defenders of Freedom off, and they had set off a bomb in the warehouse to cover their tracks.

“Do you…do you think that cop tipped them off and they blew it up?”

“Nah, it wasn’t blown up. We woulda heard an explosion. Besides, the bombs these assholes are usin’, they’re strong enough to do some heavy damage, but not enough to level somethin’ completely like that.”

Tilting your head to the side slightly, you looked over at Frank curiously when you heard the conviction in his voice. He dismissed the idea you presented with such confidence, it made you wonder why he was so certain.

“How do you know that?”

“If it was a bomb, even if it was set off in the middle of the warehouse, parts of it would still be standin’. They’re makin’ homemade ones outta shit that can’t easily be tracked, so they’re small scale. They do a whole lotta property damage, and hurt people close to ‘em when they go off, but they ain’t made outta strong enough shit to level a warehouse made outta concrete and steel like that. I don’t know if that cop tipped someone off, but someone sure as hell set that fire on purpose. Whatever was in there, they didn’t want no one to find.”

There was a hint of anger in Frank’s voice when he spoke, and it reminded you of the conversation you had with him in your office over a month ago when the last attack happened. He had sounded just as angry, and you suddenly remembered him saying how much he hated people that used bombs and how he had called them a coward’s weapon. You hadn’t fully understood his resentment then, but after learning about his past as a Marine last night, it all seemed to finally click in your head.

“You were attacked by one.”

Frank immediately tensed, and his eyes quickly snapped up to meet your sympathetic gaze. It wasn’t a question, but the look of rancor in his eyes that was as bitter as the shade of his coffee confirmed it. A crisp chill cascaded down your spine at the realization that there had probably been far more than just one attack that Frank had been caught in the middle of during his time in the Marines. It made you wonder if that’s where the scar on his left temple had come from, the one that made him freeze up when you touched it last night.

“Even if they find somethin’ in all that goddamn rubble, it’s gonna take days to sort through, so it’s back to fuckin’ square one.”

Frank grunted as he lifted the ceramic mug to his lips to take another large gulp of coffee. He clearly had no intentions of elaborating on his history with explosives, and you decided it was best to leave it alone for the moment.

Resting your elbows on the table, you ran your hands through your hair with a sigh and clasped your hands over the back of your neck as you stared down at your half eaten plate of pancakes and hashbrowns. There was absolutely no way you and Frank had come all the way upstate and were going to leave with nothing. Going back to the warehouse was out of the question since it was surrounded with law enforcement and reduced to ash, but there had to be some way to find a lead.

While you were staring down into your coffee, an idea popped into your head.

“Not necessarily.”

Frank quirked one of his dark brows while looking across the table at you, waiting to see where you were going with whatever thought was going through your head.

“You can’t build a warehouse like that without a permit. Someone had to have filed for that permit, and they would’ve had to have a deed of ownership for that plot of land.”

After your words hit Frank’s ears, his eyes seemed to light up with recognition while he processed what you were saying. If the two of you could figure out who filed for the permit, or who owned the land, you had a lead. He swiftly sat up a little straighter in the booth as he stared at you almost in awe.

“How do we find that?”

“Property records are public in New York. They would have had to file the permit with the local county office and provide the proper documentation.”

“So we find the local county office, we find the records?”

“Exactly.”

Frank’s warm whiskey eyes sparkled with an emotion that resembled pride, and his full lips suddenly split slowly into a toothy grin that caused crinkles to form at the edges of his eyes as he brought a bite of pancakes up towards his mouth.

“You’re a goddamn genius, sweetheart.”

There was something about the way that Frank was looking at you, and grinning at you, that made heat blossom across the tops of your cheeks and start to burn in your lower belly. You weren’t used to men complimenting your intelligence, or your ideas, and you weren’t sure how to react. Dipping your head a bit to hide the bashful smile that tugged across your lips, you reached for the bottle of syrup and cleared your throat, scrambling to form a coherent sentence in response.

“Finish your eighth cup of coffee and we can go.”

Frank let out a dry scoff of amusement as he watched you drown your pancakes in a pool of maple syrup.

“I’ll finish my eighth cup when you finish your tenth. In the meantime, how ‘bout I getcha some pancakes for that syrup, yeah?”

Setting down the sticky bottle of syrup, you rolled your eyes playfully as you looked across the table at Frank and attempted to hide your amused smile.

“It’s not that much-”

“I can’t even see your damn pancakes underneath all that.”

Without another word, you reached over with your fork and drove it into half a cut up pancake that was on Frank’s plate, and his face twisted up into an expression of mock offense as he set down his coffee mug when you stole the half pancake onto your own plate.

“Hey hey hey, whoa-”

“You said I needed more pancakes-”

“I didn’t say mine.”

“Well then you should’ve specified that you didn’t wanna share.”

You used the side of your fork to slice a part of his half pancake and smothered it in syrup before bringing it to your lips with a teasing smirk. Frank’s eyes narrowed slightly as he clicked his tongue against the inside of his cheek. He shook his head slowly before he reached across the table to swipe the two remaining pieces of bacon off your plate.

“I quit. I’m droppin’ your grumpy, theivin’ ass off at the next rest stop we pass.”

A loud fit of laughter erupted from deep within your chest at Frank’s disgruntled appearance, and you covered your mouth with your hand as a few patrons at the diner that were most likely regulars stared in your direction with looks of curiosity and annoyance. Frank glared at you lightheartedly as he tore the bacon in half and tossed one half piece into his mouth. You looked over at him with a whimsical smirk on your lips as you arched one of your brows.

“You can’t quit a job you don’t have, Castle.”

“The hell I can’t.”

Rolling your eyes frivolously, you pierced the half of the pancake with your fork and went to place it back onto Frank’s plate.

“Fine, here.”

Frank pulled a face of faux repulsion as he gently pushed at your wrist with his large palm.

“I don’t want it now.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you gawked at him and scoffed lightly in bemusement.

“Are you kidding? You just made a whole scene-”

“That was before you got it all soggy with all that goddamn syrup. Keep it.”

Placing the fork with the half pancake of Frank’s down on your plate, you crossed your arms over your chest and bit the inside of your cheek to contain the grin that threatened to take over your lips. You watched him eat the bacon he had stolen off your plate with a broody expression on his sharp features.

“And you call me grumpy.”

“You are grumpy.”

“You don’t think you are?”

“I am when you steal my goddamn pancakes without askin’.”

“Isn’t the whole point of stealing to not ask?”

Frank shot you a deadpan look as he brought the ceramic mug to his lips and downed the rest of his black coffee.

“Finish your fuckin’ syrup so we can go.”

The twinge of light annoyance in Frank’s voice mixed with the faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he glanced around the diner coaxed a small laugh from you. It felt so natural to be sitting across from Frank, having breakfast and bantering back and forth, as if the two of you did this every morning. Despite the rough start to the morning, for you and Frank, he seemed lighter, and in an all around pleasant mood.

He was so incredibly different from the stoic, intimidating man you were introduced to for the first time almost six months ago. Lately it felt like the more time you spent alone with him, you were granted more and more glimpses of the real Frank Castle. And while you were elated to finally breakthrough so many of those broody layers of his, you were also starting to get nervous.

Because every little interaction made the miniscule crush you had developed on your bodyguard develop and evolve into something inherently deeper and more profound for the man behind the job.

»»———　　———««

The second your eyes caught the sight of Frank tucking a gun into the waistband of his jeans against his back and cover it with his black denim jacket, you instinctively held your hand out and placed it against his chest to stop him from reaching for the door of the county office. He glanced down at your palm on his chest before looking at you with a curious furrow of his brows.

“No.”

Frank tilted his head to the side slightly in perplexity when you gave a firm shake of your head in his direction.

“No? No, what?”

“Frank, I am not letting you go in there guns blazing-”

“Aw Christ, it’s just a precaution-”

“-or letting you intimidate, or beat the hell out of whoever is working at that front desk just to get what we need. We do this my way.”

Frank clenched his jaw as he stared down at you, taking in the stern expression on your features.

“I was gonna ask nicely.”

“You don’t know how to ask nicely.”

Letting out a deep exhale of frustration, Frank narrowed his eyes at you in annoyance while his index and middle finger on his right hand twitched at his side a few times.

“So what the hell are we doin’ here then?”

“I am going to do my job, and I need you to let me do that.”

“What, you…you wanna interview ‘em and get an exclusive for a damn article right now? Is that more important?”

Frank’s evident exasperation and sour attitude were starting to get on your nerves, and you grit your teeth as you narrowed your eyes at him in defiance.

“No, I’m not ‘getting an exclusive’, Frank. My job isn’t just writing. It’s called investigative journalism for a reason. You think all the evidence I get for my articles, I’m just…given? Not only do I have to hunt down my own sources, but I have to make them talk to me and give me what I need, by any means necessary.”

It suddenly occurred to you that in the six months Frank had been your bodyguard, he had never really seen you in action. He had been to your office several times, and watched you write countless articles, but the only person he had ever seen you interview was Steven. After the first threat you received, your story content was limited, and you were confined to topics that involved as little human interaction as possible for your own safety.

You understood Frank’s apprehension about letting you take the lead on this, but you also wanted to prove to him that you weren’t some damsel in distress. You could do this. It was your job, and it was what you were good at. Letting out a soft sigh, you fought off your own agitation to flash Frank an imploring expression.

“Frank, I know what I’m doing, Okay? Just trust me. And…behave, please.”

Taking in the pleading look in your eyes, Frank stared at you silently for a minute before throwing his hands up in resignation and letting out a grunt of agreement, reaching out to open the door to the county office and motioning for you to enter first. You tried your hardest not to laugh at the look of pure irritation that shrouded his face when you asked him to behave. As you stepped into the small office building with Frank, you just hoped the two of you could get what you needed and get out before a scene was caused.

The county office was small and stuffy, filled with the scent only a building that hadn’t been updated since its initial construction decades ago could have. Despite the cool temperature outside, there was an uncomfortable heat that lingered in the air. There was a stout, middle aged man sitting behind the desk with his feet propped up, arms crossed over his protruding belly, and his weary eyes were focused on a small television screen in the corner of the office that was playing a baseball game. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at that moment, and you hoped you could use that to your advantage.

To your right, there was a meager waiting area that had a few worn chairs lined up against the wall that had definitely seen better days, and a little square coffee table piled with magazines that were several decades old. Glancing up at Frank over your shoulder, you motioned towards one of the chairs.

“Sit there, I’ll be right back.”

Another displeased grunt sounded from Frank at your instruction, but he didn’t verbally protest. He plopped down into the chair closest to the door and crossed his big arms over his broad chest. His full lips were pursed in a slightly adorable pout that was accompanied by his signature broody expression, and if your phone weren’t dead, you would’ve definitely taken a picture to laugh about later.

As you approached the desk, you fluffed up your hair a little and plastered your most charming smile across your lips before clearing your throat.

“Excuse me?”

The older man’s bushy brows were furrowed in aggravation at your interruption, but when his cobalt blue eyes navigated up to investigate the cause of the disturbance, they swiftly rose up his forehead in surprise. Before he could even get his feet off the desk, his gaze landed on your chest where the v-neck cut of your shirt’s collar showed a bit of your cleavage, and he stared unabashedly for a good ten seconds before a crooked smile split open his thin lips.

“My my, aren’t you a pretty little thing? I’ve never seen you around here before, Miss…?”

This wasn’t the first sleazeball you’d let ogle you to get concrete evidence for a lead. It was honestly easier for you to get information from men, because most of the time they were too busy shamelessly staring at your tits to even notice that you were hustling them. Still, it always made you feel a little cheap, like you needed a scalding shower afterwards to burn away their lingering stares. At least this time you had the comfort of knowing Frank was just a few feet away if there was any trouble.

“Oh, I’m not from around here. My name is Lorelai. I could actually really use your help. What did you say your name was?”

You asked in a sweet voice, tilting your head to the side innocently. The man rested his elbows on the desk, leaning in slightly towards you with that same crooked grin.

“Lorelai? Pretty name for a pretty girl. I’m Roger, and I’m happy to help you with whatever you need.”

It took every ounce of willpower you had not to gag at the wink he shot you. He probably thought it came off as flirtatious, but in reality, it just made you nauseous. Swallowing down your discomfort, you forced another convincing charming smile onto your lips and leaned forward on the desk slightly, granting him a better view of your cleavage. You hated yourself as soon as you did it, but you prayed this idiot would take the bait and just give you the documents you needed without any suspicion.

“Thank you, Roger. See, I work for the company that owns the warehouse that burned down this morning, you know the one on Wick Road? Anyway, my boss wanted me to file an insurance claim, and in the middle of it I realized that I don’t have any copies of the permit or the land deed that I need to file the claim, and if I don’t get it filed by the end of the day, I’m gonna be in a lot of trouble. Can you help me? Please?”

Using that same saccharine voice that was several pitches higher than your normal tone, you batted your eyes a few times for dramatic effect, crafting a faux expression of innocence and helplessness. Incompetent men like Roger enjoyed playing the hero, so you laid the vulnerable act on thick.

“Of course I can help you, sugar. It’s no trouble at all. Anything I can do to help a sweet little thing like you, I’m happy to.”

The way his hungry eyes wandered over your chest coupled with the bravado in his nasally voice had you digging your nails so hard into your palm, you were shocked you hadn’t drawn blood.

You’re almost there. It’s almost over. Just keep it together.

“Really? Oh my God, you’re a lifesaver, Roger.”

You reached out to give his shoulder a light squeeze for good measure, and the overwhelming scent of his cheap cologne filling your nostrils triggered the early onset of what was sure to be a powerful migraine. Roger stood up from his chair and brushed his oily black hair away from his greasy forehead in a way that was probably meant to look slick, but made you shudder internally with disgust.

“Why don’t you come with me, and we can-”

As his eyes caught sight of something over your shoulder, Roger’s reptilian grin instantly fell, and his “suave” expression melted into one of discomfort. His eyes flickered over to meet your gaze again, and he cleared his throat.

“Uh…is he…with you?”

When you furrowed your brows in confusion, Roger gestured with one of his sausage fingers behind you, and as you turned your head to see what he was talking about, you were met with the sight of a very pissed off looking Frank. His large hands were balled into such tight fists that his knuckles had turned white, and they were resting on the top of his thighs, like he was ready to spring into action at any moment. Frank’s jaw was set in a harsh line, and you could see a muscle feather beneath his skin when he grit his teeth. His thick brows were pulled together in vexation, and you could see a wrathful fire burning in his eyes that had nearly turned black with rage.

You had to wrap this up quickly before Frank lost his patience.

Turning back around to face Roger, you gaped at him for a moment as you let out a nervous laugh.

“I…yeah. He…he’s with me.”

“He your…husband or…something?”

“He’s…my-”

Before you could finish, Frank’s heavy boots were thundering across the floor, and you suddenly felt the heat radiating from his chest flush against your back as his large hand settled on your right hip.

“You mind hurryin’ it up with them documents my wife asked for? We ain’t got all goddamn day. And while you’re at it, why don’t you try lookin’ her in the fuckin’ eye when you talk to her, yeah?”

While Roger had initially taken a sharp step backwards when Frank marched across the room to stand behind you, the barrier of the desk clearly made him feel safe enough to provoke Frank. He let out a scoff as he crossed his arms over his ill-fitting button up, glaring up at Frank in a mixture of offense and irritation.

“Hey, I didn’t see a ring, buddy.”

Frank took a step closer towards the desk and reached his hand beneath the collar of his black henley, slipping his thumb under the chain around his neck to pull it upwards to flash the gold wedding band that dangled from it. The gesture caught you completely by surprise, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at the sight of the wedding ring now that you knew Frank was a widow. His eyes were wild with animosity, and his gruff voice dropped a dangerous octave lower as he sneered down at Roger.

“There’s your fuckin’ ring. Now you got thirty seconds to move your ass and get her what she asked for, or I’m comin’ back there and I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Okay! Okay, sorry can you just…one second.”

After flashing Roger an apologetic expression and a nervous smile, you swiftly turned around and pressed your palms flat against Frank’s chest to push as hard as you could to guide him backwards in the direction of the door.

“Out.”

You hissed quietly through gritted teeth while staring up at him with your own hardened gaze. Frank’s face instantly twisted up in fury and rebellion as he glared down at you, refusing to move to an inch.

“You outta your damn mind? I ain’t leavin’ you alone with this motherfu-”

“Frank, wait outside, now.”

You shoved at Frank’s chest as hard as you could, but he only wavered backwards half an inch. For a solid sixty seconds, the two of you seemed to be locked in a glaring contest. You didn’t have time for his shit, and you snapped your fingers and pointed towards the door as a final signal for him to leave. Frank shot one final death glare over your shoulder at Roger before staring back at you in unfiltered vehemence. The top left corner of his lip curled up slightly in a sneer, and he grunted as he stalked off towards the door and shoved it open with a force so powerful, it rattled the door hinges.

Fuck.

Swallowing thickly, you took a deep breath as you quickly formulated a plan for damage control. Turning back around to face Roger, you saw that he was glancing between you and the door with wide eyes, and his body language was significantly more conservative than it was before. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, you took a small step forward and looked at him with a repentant smile.

“I…I’m really sorry about that. He’s um…he’s…been struggling a bit…ever since he came home…from his last tour.”

A look of cognizance flashed across Roger’s face, and as his eyes flickered towards the door before settling back on you, his features dulled into a more friendly look that was splattered with pity.

“What branch?”

“Marines.”

A wry smile tugged at the corner of Roger’s thin lips, and he nodded his head in a gesture of understanding.

“Tough sons of bitches.”

“Temperamental, too.”

He let out a snort at that, rubbing his plump hand over his patchy onyx beard that was loosely sprinkled with flecks of gray.

“No kidding. My father was a Marine, and he was always a real hot head. Wasn’t always that way, but…I guess they uh…never really come back, huh?”

For some reason, that caught you off guard.

They never really come back.

In the nearly ten hours that had passed since you learned more about Frank’s history, you hadn’t really had a chance to really process it. You hadn’t had a moment to think about what he must have gone through, the things he must have seen or done that changed him, the people he might have lost, or all the ways he could have suffered. In that moment, you felt an overwhelming wave of sadness for Frank, thinking about the absolute hell he must have gone through, and then the added weight of losing his wife on top of that.

“No…I guess they don’t.”

Roger wrung his worn hands together in front of him almost in remorse, gesturing loosely towards you as he let out a quiet laugh.

“Look I didn’t mean any disrespect to you or your husband-”

“It’s fine, really. You were just…trying to be nice.”

You were being a fucking creep.

“Here, let me get you those documents. Wick Road, right?”

A tiny surge of hope shot through you at that, and your lips parted into a small, grateful smile as you nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Flashing you a tight lipped smile, Roger disappeared into a back room before emerging a few minutes later with a manila file that contained several copies of documents. He handed it over to you and slipped his plump hands into his pockets, nodding his head in the direction of the door.

“You uh, tell your husband I apologize…and uh…thank him for his service for me, would you?”

It made your blood boil that he was only willing to be respectful of you because he thought you were married, and because you had told him Frank was a Marine. But you shoved all that down as you took the file from him, nodding with a tiny smile.

“I will, thank you.”

“Have a good day, Miss Lorelai.”

As soon as you turned around to leave, your eyes rolled so far back into your head, it was painful. When you stepped outside the office, Frank was leaning against his truck with his arms tightly crossed over his chest, looking thoroughly heated. His head snapped up when he heard the office door creak open, and you marched over towards him with a pissed off expression of your own.

“What the hell was that?”

“You said you had that-”

“I did, Frank! Until you flew off the handle-”

“What was I s’posed to do, huh? Just sit there and watch that asshole stare down your shirt-”

“You were supposed to let me do my job!”

Frank scoffed and let out a dry, humorless laugh. His ferocious gaze roamed over the area surrounding the small building before he glared down at you with a look of repulsion.

“So that’s what you do, huh? You just let ‘em stare at you like that to get what you need? That all you do, Lorelai?”

The implications behind Frank’s words should’ve incensed you, but if anything, they felt like a jagged blade cutting through your chest. The fact that he would not only insinuate that you would use your body to get a lead, but look at you in disgust as if he actually believed it, hurt you more than anything. The venom with which he spit out your alias made you shudder slightly. Treacherous tears stung along your waterline as you clenched your jaw to keep the dam from breaking.

“I’d rather them stare at my chest than shoot them in cold blood.”

Frank’s anger faded slightly hearing the accusation laced within your tone of dejection. Clutching onto the manila folder in your hand, you spun around on your heel and started walking swiftly in the opposite direction. You didn’t know exactly where you were, or how you would get home, but right now Frank was the last person you wanted to be around.

The sound of Frank sighing heavily from behind you rang clearly in your ears.

“Where you goin’?”

“Home.”

“What, you gonna walk there?”

When you didn’t respond and continued to keep walking, Frank dragged his palms down his face in pure frustration.

“For Christ’s sake-don’t be ridiculous. Get in the truck. Y/N…Y/N! Get in the-goddamnit.”

For a moment, you thought Frank had given up and was going to actually let you find your own way home. But then all of a sudden, you heard tires rolling tumultuously across the loose gravel of the parking lot, and before you could make it to the edge of the street, Frank pulled his truck out in front of you a few feet away to cut off your path. He quickly hopped out and left the driver side door open, walking around the hood in your direction with determination.

“You ain’t walkin’ all the way back, alright? Just get in.”

“I can find my own way home-”

“You can’t go home. Not until I figure out-”

“Frank, I’m not your fucking problem anymore!”

Frank stared at you with a storm of emotions brewing behind his eyes. While the annoyance he felt was still lingering on his sharp features, the rage that had clouded his vision had dissipated into shimmering guilt. The migraine that had been triggered by Roger’s cologne had steadily begun to throb, and you rubbed at your right temple and sighed heavily in frustration as you took a look around at your unfamiliar surroundings. A few stray tears slipped down your cheeks, and you weren’t sure if they were from the pain in your head or the pain in your heart.

“You’re not my bodyguard anymore, alright? I’m not your problem, and you owe me nothing. Okay, I was just a job, and the job’s over now, so just-”

“Hey, hey…quit that.”

“Frank-”

“You were never just a job, and you know it.”

Frank’s words immediately caught your attention, and when you looked up at him, he was already staring at you with finality. The timbre of his voice made it clear there was no contesting that statement, and it was almost like your ribcage had shrunk around your heart and lungs with how tight your chest felt. He took a step closer towards you and carefully brought his large hands up to cradle your face delicately, wiping away the tear tracks from your cheeks gently with the rough pads of his thumbs. Frank’s features had repressed into an expression of disgrace, and his eyes were shining apologetically as he looked down into your own.

“Look, I…I didn’t mean that, alright? It was a shitty thing to say. I just…I hated the way he was lookin’ at ya, and I hate the thought of you subjectin’ yourself to that kinda shit just for a goddamn lead. It’s dangerous-”

“Yeah, well being a woman and just existing is dangerous, Frank. I deal with that kind of shit everyday, even when I’m not chasing a story. When I’m walking down the street, when I’m in line at the grocery store, when I’m in the middle of a meeting at work…it…it happens all the time.”

Frank’s warm brown eyes held pure sympathy for you as he listened intently.

“I ain’t seen it happen like that though, ‘cept for when you interviewed that trust fund asshole.”

It took a second for you to realize that he was talking about Steven, and you involuntarily let out a quiet laugh that immediately made you wince and rub at your right temple.

“Yeah well, apparently having a big, scary looking guy with murderous intent in his eyes threatening people on my behalf has done wonders for keeping creepy men away.”

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Frank’s mouth, but he was looking down at you in concern when he noticed the way you kept rubbing your head. He slipped his fingers into your hair to hold the right side of your head tenderly, and he gingerly brushed his calloused thumb over your right temple. Your breath hitched slightly at the contact, and you stared up into his eyes as his own inspected your face. The way he was touching you right now reminded you of the way he had comforted you after that night at the bar a few months ago, when he’d held you in his arms for the first time.

The only time.

You hadn’t been that close to him again until now…and you wanted him to feel that again.

“Headache?”

“I think Roger’s cologne gave me a migraine.”

A crease of confusion sprinkled with a hint of irritation settled between Frank’s dark brows as he stared down at you, and his large nose was wrinkled up slightly like he’d just smelt something foul.

“Who the fuck’s Roger?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he asked that, and the look on his face, which you instantly regretted when a shooting pain seemed to split right through your brain.

“The guy at the office. He also said to tell you, ‘sorry for hitting on your wife’. Oh, and I may or may not have told him that you had PTSD and that’s why you were being an asshole, so he also said, ‘thank you for your service’.”

Frank blinked at you in sheer incredulity a few times as he processed those words. After a moment, his face twisted up again in irritability, and he carefully dropped his large hands from where they were cradling face and the right side of your head. He walked over to open the passenger side of the door for you while shaking his head in annoyance and grumbling under his breath.

“Roger can kiss my ass. Fuckin’ shithead.”

The fact that Frank seemed genuinely offended only made you laugh harder, and you let out a quiet whine of pain as you rubbed at your temple.

“Frank…please don’t make me laugh right now. My head is killing me.”

“C’mon, get in the truck, sweetheart. I got somethin’ for your head.”

Frank gently took your hand and helped you up into the passenger seat of his truck, shutting the door as quietly as he could to not cause you any further discomfort. While he walked around the hood, you could see the annoyance still plastered on his face, and you heard him grumbling to himself under his breath.

“Roger’s goddamn lucky I don’t go back in there and kick his fuckin’ ass.”

After Frank handed you a few pain reliever pills from the first aid kit he kept in his truck along with a bottle of water, he went to put his truck into drive, but paused for a moment and turned his head to look over at you analytically.

“Where’d you get that name?”

“Huh?”

“Lorelai. You use that all the time? Or is it always a different one?”

“Oh, um…it…it was my mother’s name. It’s usually the alias I give. It just…it makes me feel closer to her in a way. Like she’s…still around.”

There was a look of understanding in Frank’s warm brown eyes. He didn’t need to ask anything else to comprehend the grief and the longing in your cadence. Without you having to speak another word, he could interpret the loss you’d experienced, and he simply nodded respectfully in response. It was refreshing to have someone not pry at details you weren’t ready to discuss for once, and to have someone that understood the complicated timeline that came with mourning.

It seemed as if tragedy was something that had plagued you and Frank both, and it was oddly poetic in a way how it seemed to connect you on a level you hadn’t experienced with anyone else before.

Wanting to switch the conversation to a lighter topic as Frank pulled out onto the empty two way street, you glanced over at him in curiosity when you noticed he was driving in the opposite direction of the motel.

“Where are we going?”

“Someplace that ain’t got sheets made of sandpaper.”

tags: @thyme-in-a-bubble @twoshields @day-dreaming-goddess @messymissy @itwasthereaminuteago @strawberry1042 @queenofthenoobs @wanda2themax @xcastawayherosx @ferns-fics @stevenknightmarc @ponyosmom35 @babygal-babygal @wellwwhynot @oldermenaremyreligion @combustiblemeow @tired-night-owl @fairykiss32 @danzer8705 @calkissed @fxckahs-blog @lemon-world1 @yeah3459 @collaps3r @polskiperson @imperihoe @v4leoftears @harperdoodle @spideyvibez @joalslibrary @cherry-berry-ollie @annalism @sorrowfulfragmentation @kdogreads @sumo-b98 @blackhawkfanatic @gloryekaterina @whistle1whistle @starbritestarlite @callmebrooklynbabes @hallway5 @scarletfvckingwitch @bifuriouslatina @soupyspence @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

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#frank castle #frank castle x you #frank castle x y/n #frank castle x reader #frank castle x female reader #frank castle x fem!reader #frank castle x f!reader #frank castle fic #frank castle series #the bodyguard series #bodyguard!frank castle fic #bodyguard!frank castle series #bodyguard!frank castle x reader #the punisher #the punisher fic #the punisher series

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dark-frosted-heart · 6 months ago

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Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Chapter 21 His POV

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

We started the process of making an antidote to condemn the condemned. Hoever, it was difficult to do…

Roger: So how ‘bout you take a break and run an errand for me?

Kate: An errand?

Roger: Yeah, it’s a kind of errand only you can do. I’m gonna keep researching, but I got someone to go with you—

Before I could even finish my sentence, the lab’s door opened.

Alfons: What is it. Why are you calling people over all of a sudden?

Roger: …See?

After Kate and Alfons left to run a “cemetery visit” errand, silence fell in the lab.

The silence seemed to bare his heart.

(...I still haven’t told Kate yet)

—That being, the fact that repeatedly conducting experiments on myself had shortened my lifespan.

(I got no intention of devaluing my own life. Humans are nothing without it)

(But before I joined Crown, there weren’t a lot of Cursed Ones around me)

I suddenly remembered the day I went out to collect information on a new Cursed One…

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: It’s Roger! You there?! Don’t be so depressed about your life. I’m cursed like you— —Anyway, let me explain in person! If you’re pretending you’re out, I’m kicking down your door!

I kicked the door open and—

Puppy: Arf arf!

There was a small, beer-colored puppy.

Roger: A dog…? You’re so thin. Where’s your owner…

Puppy: Arf! Arf!

The man that the puppy was trying so hard to wake up, laid sleeping forever in his bed.

Roger: Ah, damn it! I was too late… If I came sooner, I might’ve been able to stop him…

From the bottles of liquor on the floor, it was easy to imagine that the man gave up on life in his despair.

(I’m sure…this guy died without knowing he was cursed)

—So many of the Cursed believed they were abnormal, so they either fell into evil or chose to die like this.

Puppy: Awoo…?

That beer-colored one was still a pup and didn’t seem to understand that his owner had died.

Roger: Sorry I couldn’t save your owner…

That’s how Ale and I met.

~~ End flashback ~~

(Before I joined Crown, stuff like that always happened)

Not being able to find Cursed Ones.

Or when I did find one, they’d either be already dead or jailed for their crimes.

(—So my only choice was to stick needles in myself. So that I could get data on Cursed Ones)

Life’s a series of choices.

And I don’t regret my choices.

Rather…I’ve decided that the choices I make will be the right ones.

(That’s how I really feel)

(...But)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Pull yourself together, Roger Barel! You’re the strongest egoist out there! This despair’s nothing. Just give it the middle finger and laugh it off like you always do!

Roger: …O_O

~~ End flashback ~~

Roger: I never thought…I’d fall in love

Whenever I heard Kate laugh, whenever I saw Kate’s carefree smile, whenever Kate taught me about romantic love, I wished for an “eternity” that humans could never obtain.

(For the first time, I might be regretting a choice)

(Because I fell in love with the lil’ lady)

With a bitter smile, I picked up a test tube and resumed my research.

(...I’m the worst at giving up)

(I’m a hunter. I never let my prey get away)

(I will get everything I want)

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikevil jp #ikevil translations #roger barel #ikevil roger #ikevil roger route

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alexissara · 7 months ago

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Sapphic Games List Summer 2024

Welcome to the Upcoming Sapphic Games List Summer 2024. This is a series where I the divine goddess of the lesbians grace the video game information I painstakingly researched onto you my humble sapphic audience. This is not a review series or a series of pitches but a best guess series with some amount of impressions and details to give you an idea of games you might get to see yourself represented in if your a person who wants sapphic romance in their life. These are upcoming games so I really can’t promise their quality, the details, and even games with clear cut queer romance could idk pull a shocking homophobic ending or something so remember this is based just on trailers, demos, previews, interviews, and me asking questions to developers. These games are still in development, things can change and some of these are just strong guess although I try to make my reasoning make sense or put it in high probability rather than any other section. You can check out the last two ones I did of these here and here.

I am making this before whatever Nintendo Direct in June happens, I attempted to wait it out but they hadn’t announced it by the 14th so I decided to simply wrap up this article. To that end I may do a quick extra addition with a few more games as I keep digging, which I am always doing plus whatever has potential from there if there is anything new.

It takes a lot of research to make these so if you’d like to send any support at all my way Patreon and Ko-fi are the best ways to help me keep making these while I work on making my own lesbian art for sapphics of all kinds to enjoy badass sapphics.

Action Lesbians

Nova Hearts

Nova hearts is a magical girl dating sim RPG. While a bit closer to a Visual Novel then say a persona game Nova Hearts still has solid evolving RPG combat paired with social sim mechanics that grow relationships between your main character and the cast both in the party and outside of it. It's really cute and you can play the first chapter of the game yourself for free with Nova Hearts: The Spark.

Food Devils

This might be more of a Make Your Own Gay but given the roster has 3 women and 2 men plus an avatar of your chosen gender it’s pretty hard but I guess possible to make it where the game ends in all MF pairings. That said I have a strong feeling that there will be some degree of canon queerness outside of player choice given the game has chosen to default to the female avatar and the main romance they showcase is her romance with another woman. It's an SRPG with base building and it seems like romances will go beyond the devils too and give the player some options to romance maids and butlers as well thanks to kickstarter goals being met. It seems like it's going to have like an interesting twist on some coz vibes of cooking food and romancing hotties.

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Sword of the Necromancer: Resurrection

A remake of an amazing Lesbian Roguelike game is in the works and set to be released probably pretty close to when this goes up. You play as sword Lesbian Tama who is willing to do anything to save Koko who eas tragically killed recently. You gain The Sword Of The Necromancer and use that to revive monsters and fight through the dungeon to gain enough power to revive Koko.

Sword Of The Necromancer: Revenant

The original intended game from Sword of the Necromancer: Resurrection, Revenant adds a man to the fold which, yes boo, tomatoes, tomatoes [or at least it seems to] but it keeps our main two adorable lesbians in the plot after their happy ending and brings them into the fold in this new chaotic story remaining main characters. Spoilers for the above game I guess, the lesbians are unburied in one of the possible endings and this game follows that. We'll have to see how it ends up working but Tama and Koko both seem to be playable in it and so it seems like you'll just have a little party to use in the plot.

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Abyss X Zero

This game is getting a gay benefit of the doubt. The creators are queer, their last game is queer, I can assume somehow it'll be baked into the story of A and Z probably them being gay for each other despite them both needing to fight the other. The games a 3d metroidvania with a super nice art style, some level of customization and two Playable characters. They look great and the game looks great, very cool action and really brimming with style.

BRIGHT RED SONG OF LOVE

A new game being developed by Lily Valeen, creator of Boss Game. Boss Game was a game about girlfriends being gay and working gigs and fighting monsters so and this game looks gay too, so expect some gay ladies doing some cool stuff. All we have is screenshots and it’s probably like omega early in development but I wanted to mention it because lily Valeen made a really cool game and this is a great reminder to follow her and maybe check out boss game on Steam or on your phone or on Itch.io.

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Crescent County

You ride on a motorbroom and try to make some cash cuz your broke as fuck. You are a gay witch looking for cute girls, new friends and new rivals, maybe all three at once. It looks really cool and fun and she kisses a girl in the trailer so I know it’s gay. It sounds like you might have several romantic options but it doesn’t seem like optional queerness just romantic options. I didn’t have a queer racing game on my bingo card of types of games I’d update y’all on or see but here we are, so cool, I love it. This seems like it has a queer dev team making a queer story in a new interesting way that I haven’t seen many games do. It sounds like the romance system is pretty neat too the dev mentioned that like you need a bed frame to have a girl over cuz she is going to have more self respect then to fuck you if you just have a matress on on the floor. So like, it sounds like a lot of fun.

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Unbeatable

You are a pink haired girl who beats up cops and is in a rock band and the cast seems to mostly be women, if you are not gay in this game I believe it to be a hate crime and I will fight the developers. The game looks incredibly cool and the stunning hand drawn animation is just great. It is a kinda rhythm game I think in a setting where music is illegal and you love doing crime. I’m sold on this game I just need it to be gay, that’s it. I’ve bought it in my heart already but make it gay please, please, please. Also it looks like it’s tagged as LGBT+ so you know, it’s possible, I believe, I chose to believe. It looks too good to not be gay.

Make your own Gay

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Demonschool

In This game you do tactical combat against a flurry of demons and build relationships with other characters. I had romances confirmed and well the trailer shows our main protagonist reaching for another woman’s hands. I also had confirmed there is some side stuff that isn’t the main character Faye with someone so there may be some canon sapphic stuff that isn’t just player directed and optional. This is a tactical RPG with shin megami tensei flare but doesn’t play like any other SRPG I’ve played even SMTs own SRPG, Devil Survivor. This game is heavily focused on unit placement and doing things in really tight deadlines. I hope they have an easy mode or something in the full release because I utterly love the social sim elements here and would love a bit more room to fuck up. On the sapphic end the roster seems to have tons of cute girls even outside of the probably intended to be canon romance girl there is a haughty rich girl who seems like a perfect enemies to lovers arc and a cool delinquent girl, there is a lot of range for a lot of dynamics but we’ll have to see how all of those systems work on release.

Long Story 2

A very kid friendly visual novel type experience. It’s cute, it’s sweet, it’s simple and it’s the kind of soft story you can get excited about if you just want something wholesome to enjoy. You really Get to craft your story so it's very craft it yourself.

Moonlight Peaks

We really do not have a ton of details but it’s likely to release in 2026 since that’s when they said it would and have have a pretty strong publisher in Marvlous behind it. This is one of the most exciting farming sims I've seen. You play as a vampire and unlock new vampiric powers over time. It looks as if there will be 7 women who are different kinds of super natural for you to romance in this. Also an interesting talked about feature is the werewolf romance options might shift in personality a little on a full moon and stuff like that which makes for a neat way to push for a different vibe in a farming sims cast.

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Monster Prom 4: Monster Con

The 4th game in the monster prom series, the potentially PVP dating sim is back at it again with more goofs, new monsters to fawn over and a new setting. If you're fiending for more Monster Prom, Camp or Road Trip then you already are gonna be grabbing this but if you're new to hearing about this series or finally wanting to check it out because one of the characters designs it’ll be an exciting jumping on point. Romances are player focused, characters themselves though are canon queer sometimes having same gender exes and stuff. We have a canon queer trans woman as one of the main love interests this time so that is really excited and also a really cool set of two new women. If you come with a full party of lesbians as it stands you’ll have to fight over at least one girl given there is only 3 women to romance and 3 men but if your playing 3 players you can each aim for a different girl in a run if you want to avoid PVPing or simply play in single player for a chiller romance comedy vibe. This is a really silly game series that is all about the bits but there is a lot of good stuff even outside of the comedy.

Arcadia Fallen II

Arcadia Fallen 2 is the follow up to Arcadia Fallen. The first game let you be sapphic and this game probably will also let you be sapphic as well. I think it’s a safe bet, they say there will be 3 body type so probably the typical choice of He/She/They pronouns with a chose whatever body suits you best choice. This should be a choose your own adventure style visual novel with a magical setting and while I haven’t played the first yet, I am keeping my eyes on this one’s kickstarter to see where it goes. The artstyle is gorgeous and it’s always nice to see artists from across the world making games where you can be sapphic, in this case some awesome Danish devs.

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Sensei! I Like You So Much!

This game bills itself as a fangirl simulator where you create your own favorite characters and geek out with fellow fans, take commissions and gather in community with others. My vine is this game will have no romance however, I feel compelled to bring it here because I mean you can be really into a lesbian ship and geek out with other women who are really into a lesbian ship or so it seems from the trailer. Obviously, like any of these I only have whatever the devs have said and whatever I see in trailers, screen shots, etc to go off of but it looked like you could make a girl and it looks like in the trailer they made yaoi so I am gonna guess you can make yuri. So, here we go, it’s sapphic but like, different than other sapphic games, probably, I’d personally be way more into romancing a fellow fan of something than a lot of other concepts for a dating sim so I’d love to be wrong and there is some secret dating sim element.

Reanimation Scheme

It’s an Otome visual novel where you can date four men but also there is one sapphic wrote. I hate these kind of gender rations but hey, this exist, it’s upcoming, you should know about it, maybe it’s written super good. The art style is solid and if you like the design of the exactly one woman you can date in the game you can prep for some sapphic fun even if a lot of your time in the game will be interacting with men, You play as a Necromancer which is always really cool and ya, enjoy.

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The Crush House This is a reality show managing sim with a spooky mystery. It’s like putting you managing the sims lives in context where you try and push people to behave particular ways based on audience demands and what you feel like. You can make women be gay with each other and even run a show for Girls for Girls audiences and stuff so there is a lot cooking here for a silly and strange little game.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard

Dragon Age, a little known indie series from abusive publisher EA from Abusive company Bioware now potentially hanging onto it’s last chance for life with a brand new game. Dragon Age is a fantasy roleplaying game where the people who look like lesbians are straight and the people who look straight are lesbians at least that’s the classic Bioware flavor. This time though, unlike these other games, an actual queer woman is the director [after like 4 directors left] and she seems like a really cool person with good taste so I want her to be successful and for this game to not crash Bioware into the dirt like so many other studios under EA. You’ll likely be able to make a character of one of two genders and have them fill a role in this plot. We know that every character will be pansexual in the game meaning you’ll be able to romance anyone and if you don’t romance characters they will romance each other.

Grave Seasons

Like farming sims, like murder mysteries, want to make sweet sweet passionate kissy faces with a murderer? Then Grave Seasons might be the game for you. You do typical farming sim stuff but a randomly generated one of the NPCs that are romanceable. You need to figure out the mystery, if the hottie you're making heart eyes at is the killer and if they are what you wanna do about it. If it’s not you might want to find the killer and fast lest your cutie get taken out too. At least that’s what it sounds like to me. There should be several women you can romance and it seems like a fun game to replay and a farming sim that puts the romance at the front even for people who want to be efficient because well you don’t want a bunch of people dying do you [unless you do].

Freeride

So this one is really making your own gay cuz I do not think they gender proto and proto is just supposed to be a stand in for you but I flirted with a cool looking bunny girl in the demo and she seemed to be into the conductor who was a demon girl so like maybe it'll even be explicitly represented in this. It's hard to know with so few details but you can gift people stuff and everything. It's a physics based game mostly focused on choices and doing a secret personality test on you.

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Fable

It looks like this Fable game just has you play as a woman, like I am just taking precedent here to say that romance to some extent will exist and you can in fact marry women. It be weird if you couldn’t so I’ll say that is very likely here. If you like RPGs with big budgets then this might be the one, it doesn’t seem to be as silly as some of the previous games but they weren’t always going for silly so I think the tone seems just about right.

Narrative Games

Cage of Roses

Lesbian vampires are always a good time. It's a visual about some lesbian vampires. You're in by the art style and visual novel or you're not. It sounds exciting to me.

Rainbow Valley

A game from yuri game developer and publisher Studio Elan. This is a collaboration with a monster high focused YouTuber and you can see the Monster High inspirations in the designs. I imagine this is really going to capture the vibes adult fans of monster high really have been wanting to explore while not being locked down by the big company.

Tithe In Blood

Another game from yuri game developer and publisher Studio Elan. This is a darker yuri story about a woman practicing blood magic after the loss of a loved one.The romance and blood magic lead to a lot of deadly twists and turns.

The Witch's Bakery

The Witch’s Bakery is a game coming to Kickstarter soon that’s about running a cozy bakery and being a little gay witch doing it. This game is coming to kickstarter at some point in the near future at the time of writing. It has a canon romance so I don’t think you’ll be picking who you swoon and instead you’ll get to play out a soft little love story while you bake, run a shop and make friends.

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Lost Records

Life is Strange and Tell Me Why Developers are back with a new game and the first trailer had the main four women of this plot kissing so it’s gay, that’s like locked in it’s not even like Life Is Strange 1 optional gay it’s just gonna be gay. It seems like a nostalgia trip featuring a bunch of sapphic women in the lead and that seems like the most perfect game for Dontnods main audience.

Cabernet

A gothic vibe lays over this game, it tickles at horror while also not being terrifying, you are the vampire newly created and enter this society. This is another one that might be more of a Make your Own Gay but it’s vampires and that’s inherently gay so I gotta put it here. I had the devs confirm to me that this game will include gay romance and you can have your girl read Carmilla so as far as I am concerned I think her sexuality has a decent shot at being part of the narrative and not just an option.

Tavern Talk

This is a game inspired by exclusively other queer games in the same style of those queer games, I am gonna say it’s safe to guess this is a soft little queer game that will take you through an interesting narrative perspective all while mostly being behind a bar and making drinks for people.

Psychroma

This is a horror game with what seems to be a queer non binary protagonist but it may not be all sunny and rainbows, for sure prepare yourself for angst. The protagonist has amnesia and doesn’t remember who seems to be her girlfriend. This is a cyberpunk horror which is shockingly not a super standard combination despite the clear synergy between the two. It has a sapphic energy, it’s always hard to draw the line on a non binary character and if their sapphic or not before you get the context because well that’s a massive umbrella of genders, identities and feelings. Still the vibe test for me passes as sapphic and I am here to tell you about vibes, that’s the point of this series, I have an extremely high success rate and so I will take the shot here. If you're looking for something creepy and queer then this is for sure it even if the sapphic vibes are a false flag.

Life is strange: Double Exposure

IDK if they’ll make Max and Chloe canon here or how they will right around it but also like the game studio making this game has a bunch of like allegations against them so I don’t particularly care too much. I do want to find out so I will look around for details but ya know I mentioned Lost Records earlier maybe look to that one instead if these come out around the same time at least. Otherwise, idk you do dialog and stuff in this one and mess with timelines. It does look like Chloe is dead so, you could go to your local library and read Life Is Strange: After The Storm for free instead, a possible suggestion too.

Love Ghostie

Your a lil ghostie and you play match maker and you can make little sapphic pairings so, ya you can make sapphic stuff happen in this game and it’s like part of the point. It’s a very adorable game with very adorable little monsters and looks to be a great game to cuddle up and just live your best shipping life.

Sigh of the Abyss Sigh of the Abyss is doing something really cool in the visual novel space and it’s bringing a feature I’ve wanted in games with mix gender romance for a long time to the table. You can in your options at any time say your looking to romance Men, Men and Women, Women or no one. In the game you play as a woman and the game defaults you to being bisexual but you can actually have it where the game simply does not have men push romance on you which is such a relief because it’s one of the world part of mix gendered dating games for me is being here for the women but having to be flirted with by every man and never able to say “Hey, I’m a lesbian.” How deep these options will go I am not sure but it was really swift in easy in the demo. If you're looking for some dark fantasy story telling this seems like an exciting place to go for a story.

High Potential

Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2

I mean it’s got vampires and roleplaying like probably. Maybe it'll be too uptight and serious but we'll see what it's like.

Sorry We're Closed

The games listed as LGBT and the main characters on the art and stuff are women so pretty clear. It’s a horror adventure and it seems really aesthetically unique, I think this is one to keep your eyes on it might just be a big new thing.

RPG Maker WITH

I mean it just depends on if people make a sapphic game in it and share it. It's like a game about making games. There's a good chance someone will want to make Yuri but also I wouldn't expect it near launch.

Ra Ra Boom

There is a vibe here, it's a beat um up which is a kind of game not famous for it's story but idk the vibe tells me these super cheerleaders are gay. That’s all I got to say really, it looks fun and if it’s gay bonus points to me.

Fighting Games

So Fighting games are hard to cover on this because fighting game devs are cowards an also don't make their narratives compelling and their mostly about men with women relegated to the sides. I love fighting games though and I don't want to ignore them so I put just a general pin on potential sapphic characters dropping in 2024. Like Skullgirls recently added Marie who has some queer coding with Peacock and she's like a main villain so there's stuff. Guilty Gear Has a season 4 coming out which could add a story expansion and idk confirm Bridget is a lesbian. Granblue's next characters are likely datamined but there is a chance of a suprise appearance and many likely candidates are sapphic characters. Plus a new game might come out, maybe Diesel Legacy will have the cool mobster girl be a lesbian, we just won't know util stuff comes out.

gillford academy

This is an rpg putting a lot of emphasis on your choices mattering with characters. The characters are pretty young but there is a chance they might be sapphic at least in a if player chooses the right choices way.

Mixtape

I think I saw a gay moment in this trailer. It's like 90s nostalgia the game, I have no idea how it’s supposed to play. I assume it's kinda standard narrative 3D gameplay which I think is always a pleasant time. I don’t know a ton about this game but I am keeping my eyes on it in the future that’s for sure.

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If you enjoyed this post and want to help me do the level of research I put into these please, please, please consider funding me on Patreon or giving me a one time donation over on Ko-fi. I am a writer for a living so that means being professionally poor and any bit of money really helps so much. Every dollar helps me make new sapphic art myself from making TTRPGs to working on my own game project and lots more. If you don’t have cash following me, sharing, etc is always lovely and I love nice comments.

There should be more of these in the future. I couldn’t fit every single game I saw with potential or even straight up confirmed into here so I am hoping to make this more regular maybe even pivot to video and do game by game chats or something. We'll see what the future holds but I hope you found at least one new game to look forward to.

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mirandasidefics · 5 months ago

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But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 11

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Dannan x Plus Size Reader.

Summary: Ruhn supports Reader as she continues to heal. The two come to an agreement regarding her use of Azriel's tonic on the nights where she struggles the most. As their friendship progresses, so do their feelings towards each other. Reader opens up and shares parts of herself that no one, not even Lucien, knows about her. So, what happens when Ruhn makes an idiotic mistake?

Also, Lucien has a confusing dream.

Word Count: 16K

Warnings: Feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, grief, angst, conflicting emotions, mentions of substance use, Reader being dense af, smut (18+/MDNI), oral (f receiving), masturbation (male), making out/kissing, secondhand embarrassment (aka Ruhn's a dumbass).

Author's Note: This is a heavy Ruhn centered chapter. And we have his POV! I decided that I couldn't sufficiently tell his and Reader's part of the story without his POV. The final scene is split between the Reader and Ruhn's POV as there is a lot going on in each of their heads. I did a lot of research into what the ingredients for Azriel's Mother's tonic could be, and I settled on it being a similar product to laudanum (opium mixed with hard liquor). There are some added natural sleep-inducing herbs as well. The "black gum" that Ruhn mentions is the equivalent to opium (heroin). For those that recognize the song, I didn't include all of the lyrics, but Reader does sing the entire song. Ruhn's focus just goes in and out so what the audience sees is what sticks in his head. I think that is all.

As always, a HUGE thank you to my beta readers!

Series Masterlist Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 10 Next: Chapter 12

Ruhn noted how (Y/N) had been quiet since leaving the party. Which was unusual as typically their nightly routine included each of them talking about their day, at least the parts whenever they weren’t together. Tonight though, she was silent as she moved about the room. Something was on her mind, he could tell; but whether or not to try and get the information out of her or let her share it on her own was the question he found himself asking now. She kicked off the small heels and unclasped the delicate necklace, setting it on the smooth top of the vanity.

“Could you help me?” Her voice sounded distant. She turned her back towards him, lifting her hair away from the ties that secured the deep red dress to her frame. He hummed his acknowledgment and pulled at the laces, loosening the dress. He caught sight of a strip of vivid blue-violet fabric stretching across her back. Her hands quickly grasped the front of her dress, pressing it to her chest to keep it from falling. She nodded her thanks and rushed into the bathroom to finish undressing.

Ruhn started to undress himself as well, unbuttoning the dark silver cotton blend dress shirt that he wore. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull off his socks when he looked up into the mirror on the dresser directly in front of the bed. His breath caught in his throat. The door to the bathroom had not shut all the way, a fact that she must have been unaware of as she pranced around in the sinfully sexy lace bra and pantie set. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was something she picked out for herself, or if his sister had yet again decided to meddle. It wouldn’t be the first time. He couldn’t help but notice the color of this particular set was his favorite color.

Ruhn knew he should have looked away. That he should have stood up and turned around to give her that privacy, but he simply couldn’t. Instead, he sat on the bed with his bare chest exposed and just watched. She was so beautiful. Not just on the outside, no. He saw how beautiful her heart and mind were as well. Her compassion and resilience were aspects of her being that he respected and adored.

She moved with grace as she set about removing her makeup. He had to bite his lip to suppress the longing groan as he watched her bend over the sink. The lace panties high enough to expose the delicious curve of her ass cheeks. Thank fucking Urd she couldn’t smell his arousal, but she would be able to see and feel his hard cock if he couldn’t get a hold of himself.

He shook his head, resisting the urge to physically slap himself to get moving again. He quickly undressed, remaining in his boxer briefs. Their shared body heat always seemed to keep him warm enough. She certainly never complained about his lack of apparel either. The thought made him smile slightly. Plus, it wasn’t like he could easily pack up his former belongings with his old house being watched. And he had seen no point in purchasing any new pajamas from any of the vendors in Velaris, even though Rhysand did supply him with a decent paycheck. What he was being paid for he honestly didn’t quite know. He held no official title that he was aware of, and apart from training with Cassian and Azriel the only thing he did was care for (Y/N). But that wasn’t a job. As far as he was concerned he was just spending time with his friend.

Ruhn could hear her feet pacing back and forth on the tiles of the bathroom. Wordlessly he went over to the dresser and pulled out one of her nightgowns. Truth be told he’d much prefer her to join him in bed with the outfit she currently had on, even if he had no plans to touch her without her permission. But he knew that she preferred to be a little bit more covered. Ruhn gently knocked on the door, careful to face away so as to give her a semblance of privacy while he held out the silk nightgown. She took it from his grasp, giving a small thanks.

This had also become part of their routine. If she intentionally forgot her night clothes or not, he didn’t mind helping her in this way. He knew that she was dressed when the door opened the rest of the way. He immediately noticed that the blue straps of her bra were nowhere to be seen alongside the thin straps of the nightgown. He had to take a deep breath to calm himself knowing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He slipped into the room next to her so that he could wash his face and brush his teeth. The whole scene was perfectly domestic.

A part of him longed for more, but he didn’t want to overstep or make any assumptions on her feelings. Especially after her forced separation from Lucien. It had taken several nights of restless and disturbed sleep before she felt comfortable having Ruhn close to her. He didn’t mind waiting until she had become comfortable.

He would wait as long as needed. He had his own shit to sort through, much of which he just pushed to the side. He had his theories about the last female he even thought of getting close to, before she turned out to be someone that he considered an enemy. But (Y/N), he knew that she didn’t deserve to be compared to anyone else. So he kept finding things about her that were completely different to ensure that his feelings for her were not an attempt to fill a hole that had been left behind.

Ruhn had grown close to the woman over the past few years together. There was no doubt in his mind that she was important to him and everything that was going on. He believed that he must have been equally as important to her since she had been more receptive to his attempts to comfort her. He honestly found it difficult to keep his hands to himself most of the time. There was something about being in physical contact with her that he craved. Even if that contact was as fleeting as a quick kiss to her brow, he needed her. And on the rare occasions that she returned the gestures, he felt more grounded than he had in his entire life. She brought him a sense of peace that he would be eternally grateful for. Especially since he never got to experience this feeling with - no he would not think about her. Lidia was gone. It was as simple as that, and nothing more.There was no sense comparing all that he had in his life now with something that was entirely unknown.

He shook his head, ridding his mind of the shifter’s memory. At least for the time being. His focus returned to the human standing next to him. Her head tilted to the side by a fraction, studying him. Ruhn took the opportunity to pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her forehead. Lacing her fingers with his, they made their way back to the bed. Pulling back the covers he climbed in, and she soon followed. Most nights they would fall asleep simply laying next to each other. Tonight however, she rolled on her side to face him.

“Everything alright?” He asked, lifting his arm to create a space for her. Tentatively she curled up next to him, eyes seeking permission to rest her head on his chest. He curled his fingers, beckoning her to come closer.

“I’m just in my feelings,” She admitted, her arm wrapped around his torso and her head resting on the space between his shoulder and pectoral. He wrapped his arm around her back, resting his hand on her hip. She let out a deep relaxed sigh. He hummed in response, moving his thumb in a soothing gesture. He knew her well enough to know when she didn’t feel like talking about a subject. So, if silent comfort was what she needed then that is what he would give. Not long after his eyelids began to droop and he drifted off to sleep.

A soft melody drifted and wound its way through the townhouse like a withered visage of a specter. The melancholic chords of a piano slowly brought Ruhn to an awakened state. He stretched his arm out across the bed, in hopes of curling it around the soft feminine figure whose warmth he’d grown accustomed to. Only that side of the mattress was cold and empty.

With a jolt his senses went on high alert. It took a moment for his mind to process that the music was not from his imagination, but from within the townhouse. There was only one person that would be playing the instrument, (Y/N). Nyx had asked her to sing at the most recent Winter Solstice celebrations, to which she nervously agreed. She shared a few songs that she said were from her world’s winter celebrations. Apparently not all humans strictly celebrated the Solstice, but something called Christmas. She accompanied herself on the piano that night and took to practicing ever since.

With his adrenaline subsiding he slowly climbed out of bed and proceeded to make his way downstairs to check on the human manipulating the ivory keys. He pulled the shadows that waited on the edges of the room towards himself, readying them to strike any threat that may be waiting, tricking him into believing that she was safe. He didn’t know why he suddenly thought that she could be at risk in one of the safety places for her, but the concern was there nonetheless.

The halls were dark as he made his way through, following the sound of the piano. By the time he reached the door of the small library on the ground floor he was able to make out the familiar sultry voice of (Y/N)’s singing. He released a breath, comforted by the reassurance that she was safe.

It's not simple to say

Most days I don't recognize me

With her attention on the keys of the piano, the woman hadn’t noticed him entering the small space. While she tried to keep her voice low, it carried and resonated throughout the entire home.

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used to be

Although it's true

I was never attention’s sweet center

I still remember that girl

Ruhn enjoyed listening to her voice. The warmth that it embodied reminded him of the nights they spent curled up in blankets by the fire together.

She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

He watched as her expression changed from concentration to sadness.

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

His breath caught in his throat as he listened, the lyrics carrying a certain unspoken weight.

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

He marveled at the way she navigated from one part of her voice to the next. Seamless despite the weight that her sadness must have added.

She is gone but she used to be mine

His heart clenched as she finished the first chorus. It quickly became obvious that her playing and singing was more than just a source of entertainment. She needed this. He realized that music was her outlet. Many of the Fae had a natural love of music in some way. Her affinity could be yet another indication that she truly had Fae heritage, even distantly as they all suspected. While he was no musician himself, he was still intrinsically drawn to its beautiful complexity. Lilting melodies, full and robust harmonies, and driving beats all stirring parts of him that made him remember he was alive. He enjoyed music, but (Y/N)? In this instance she was music. Her entire body became much more than just an instrument. It was a vessel. One that embodied everything she was feeling, calling it to the surface and expelling it in a beautifully sonorous experience.

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest

I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over

Her voice built, commanding that it be heard. Ruhn decided that he loved hearing her voice and would encourage her to use it at every opportunity.

For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless just enough

Who can hurt but

Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised

And gets used by a man who can’t love

He couldn’t help but wonder if some of these lyrics held any specific meaning for her, or if it was the overall message that she resonated with. He was slightly aware that she had a past with ex-lovers. She didn’t really provide much in the way of details, but he knew she had been hurt. He was also aware that she often didn’t feel worthy of being truly loved, often having been used. Ruhn decided that he would ensure that she never felt that way with him.

To fight just a little

To bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone but it used to be mine

She closed her eyes, tears slipping out and descending in salty trails down her cheeks. The impassioned resonance of her voice rattled every surface of the room as she held the note. He felt every ounce of the turmoil and longing that she had been holding inside. The gravity of the loss she was experiencing. It was pouring out of her, crashing against his senses much like the way Lidia had raged against his mental shields that week in the Asteri’s dungeons.

Used to be mine

Ruhn wanted to kick himself. Why did he suddenly think of Lidia again? The two were so different from each other. At least that’s what he thought. He never really got to know the female that risked her life for him. He did know (Y/N). Knew that she would do anything to protect those she loved. Whether through fierce words or use of the physical training she still attended daily, she was a protector with an occasional hairpin trigger. So why was he making any connection between the woman in front of him and the female that… The thought left his mind as (Y/N)’s voice cut through his defenses.

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

Her voice became brittle and shook from an exhaustion that he found himself all too familiar with. The sad smile on her lips dampened the impact her words had just moments before filled the small library. The next chord was one of finality. The soft tones clung to the air, just as tears clung to her eyelashes.

She is gone but she used to be mine

Ruhn watched from his spot near the door as she finally looked up from where her hands continued to rest on the keys. Tears streamed down her face, and for the first time in the years he’d known her she didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. She didn’t hide her sorrow, allowing him to fully see her heart and how it was breaking. He knew she was struggling, but he had no idea she was in this much pain.

Something inside him knew that she wouldn’t shy away if he approached, so he didn’t hesitate to walk across the room to be by her side. He was in front of her in just a few quick strides. There wasn’t much room on the piano bench for the two of them to sit in a way where he could hold her close. So, after a quick glance about the room he spotted the large plush reading chair.

Taking her hand, he pulled her to her feet and along towards the chair. He noted that the chair, while surely an amazing place for her to curl up with a book, wasn’t exactly wide enough for her to sit with her legs crossing over his lap. It didn’t make a difference though; he knew that she needed to be held to feel at ease. At least, that was how it always was when she woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night.

Typically, he would hold her as they lay on the bed together. His fingers either tracing along her skin marveling at how soft and supple it was or buried in her hair gently tugging on the strands just above the back of her neck. The action often allowed her to feel relaxed. It all depended on the level of security and protectiveness she needed to feel that night. Ruhn quickly surmised that tonight the best way to hold her would be for her to sit directly in his lap.

So, after settling on the chair, he pulled her towards him, guiding her to straddle over his hips. She complied, no hesitation in her movements as she made herself as comfortable as possible. Her nightgown inching up her thighs, revealing her skin as the fabric halted just below her hips. Her legs were able to slide in between his thighs and the arms of the chair, but just barely. He didn’t mind the pressure of her legs against his thighs, the feel of her body pressed against his helping to ground him as usual.

With near perfect practiced synchronicity Ruhn wrapped as much of himself as he could around her voluptuous frame. One hand slid along her lower back, providing support as it reached toward her hip. While the other slipped up her spine, fingers splayed out between her shoulder blades. He felt the small bumps rise along her warm skin. Her own arms wound around the top of his shoulders, her hands threading themselves into his hair. He let out a relaxed sigh at her touch, his breath ruffling her hair. She leaned forward and their bodies melded into each other’s. From this position, Ruhn would be able to easily pick her up and carry her back up stairs if needed.

With her face buried in his neck, she continued to silently cry. The wetness from her tears contrasted with the warmth of her breath against his skin. Her nose grazed just underneath his ear. He wanted to believe that his scent was somehow calming to her as her muscles relaxed the longer they sat in that position. Eventually, she broke the silence.

“Today was my brother’s birthday,” She whispered. Her shuddering breath fanned across his neck sending the briefest of shivers through him. Ruhn wasn’t sure how to respond, or if he should respond at all. He opted to remain silent, instead taking one hand and tenderly rubbing it along her back. She moved her own arms from around his neck to wrap them around his torso before fully relaxing into his hold on her. Ruhn smiled at the fact that their positioning probably made her look like an overgrown child. Urd knows that he caught her holding Nyx in the very same position many times trying to get him to calm down.

“My brother should be 30,” She continued. “I-I had never missed his birthday before…now I’ve missed three.” Her voice cracked from trying to keep her emotions in check and holding back her sobs. Tears still flowed, but Ruhn could tell that she was on the verge of breaking. With a kiss to her temple he let her continue all the same, knowing that she needed to process through her feelings.

“How many more am I going to miss?” She sucked in a harsh breath. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home.” Her body began to tremble slightly, a signal the dam was ever closer to breaking. His hand continued to rub her back as his other squeezed at her hip, silently letting her know he was still listening. She didn’t need words from him anyway right now. He had quickly learned how to tell when she wanted his opinion on matters versus just silent comfort.

“I miss my family so much,” The words tumbled out, nearly blending in with the sob that she finally allowed herself to release. Ruhn pulled her closer to him and he felt her fingers press deeply into his shoulders. She gripped him as if he was the only thing preventing her from shattering entirely. He recognized that she held a quiet strength, but in his arms she suddenly became the most fragile thing in the world. Everything inside him wanted to protect her. To shield her from the pain and grief of losing everything she held dear.

“But it’s not just them I miss,” She continued through her sobs. “I miss everything about the life I had.” Ruhn listened as she continued to vent. She talked about how close she was to finishing her dissertation, years of dedicated hard work and research now felt wasted. She also talked about her recent promotion, finally allowing her to gain a semblance of financial independence. All of this leading up to the confession that threatened to rip his own heart from his chest.

“I’ve been in survival mode for so long.” She could barely speak from how heavily she was crying. “I-I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Ruhn wasn’t sure if he could hold her any closer than he already was, but he certainly tried. Her entire body shook from the force of her crying. He shushed her, bringing a hand up to her face to cradle it against him. After a moment she lifted her head, resting her forehead against his.

Her sobbing calmed down to a few shuddering breaths. She brought her hands up to his face, cupping each side. Her nose tentatively brushed against his. Their lips were less than an inch apart, but she didn’t bring them any closer. He wanted to kiss her, but this wasn’t the way he wanted their first kiss to be. He wanted her happy when, if ever, she decided that she wanted more with him. Urd knew that he wanted more with her.

Ruhn realized that he loved her. He loved her so damn much that even just simply waking up next to her everyday caused his heart to beat just a little bit faster. All he wanted to do was ensure she was happy, healthy, and safe. Especially safe given everything that she has been through. He vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to make that happen.

“I’m not going to tell you who you are, as that is for you to decide,” He stated, breath intermingling with hers. “But I can tell you what I know and see every day that I’m with you. If you want to hear it, that is.” She brushed her nose against his again. He couldn’t tell if she wanted him to be the one that closed the distance or she would give in herself. Again he knew that it would be better to wait.

“Please,” She breathed. “Everything feels so different. Like something is missing. I-I could use a reminder.” One his hands cupped the back of her neck, his fingers threading in the hair at the base. He gave a gentle comforting tug causing her to sigh.

“Okay,” He pushed her face back slightly so he could better look her in the eyes. “You are kind and compassionate. I see that everyday when you’re with Nyx, a child that you have no relation to and yet you treat him as if he were your own. You’re patient with him and are teaching him what it means to be empathetic to those that have experienced hardships and the trials of life. You are talented and creative. Listening to you tonight, at the celebration and just a few minutes ago, you always take my breath away. I love listening to you and I don’t think that I would ever get tired of your voice. Use it more often, in every context, not just musically. You are so strong, so resilient, and fierce. No one would fault you for wanting to hide from the world. For letting the darkness you’ve experienced swallow you whole. But you don’t. You keep fighting for your life, knowing that things will get better. Even if there are those in this court that don’t want to appreciate all that you are.” Tears were again falling from her eyes, but a small smile graced her lips. Her cheeks took on a lovely blush at his praise.

“You have such a large capacity for love,” He brushed away her tears with his thumbs. “I know things have changed and that you feel lost. But you are not alone in the feeling because so many things have changed since you were introduced into our lives. I honestly don’t know what my life would be without you.” He set his forehead against hers, his hands back around her waist, rubbing small circles.

“Thank you,” Her whisper was so soft. He only knew that she had spoken from the breath he felt against his lips.

“Anytime sweetness,” He smiled, squeezing her sides. She squirmed at the touch, no doubt the sensation sent a shiver up her spine.

“With everything that has happened, the good and the horrible, it's easy to get lost in a sea of emotions.” She revealed. “It feels like that has been happening more and more lately. They swirl around jumbling my thoughts into an incomprehensible cacophony. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there have been more nights where I just can’t sleep. Not necessarily because of the nightmares, just…from how loud everything can get. Being with you helps, but I still just wish that my brain would quiet down sometimes.”

Ruhn hummed in thought, processing her words. He had noticed that she was more restless the past week, but he had assumed it was related to her dreams. But if she was restless due to racing thoughts there might be a solution.

He hated the idea of her using Azriel’s tonic, but it would provide the calm she needed to sleep. He had been so scared when she wouldn’t wake when he found her after his only trip to Midgard a year ago. No matter how hard he shook her she remained unconscious. He became so panicked that he eventually placed his ear against her chest, her heartbeat slow but present. He didn’t know what to do until Azriel arrived racing up the stairs to her room. The male claimed he was on his way to check on her when his shadows notified him of Ruhn’s presence and the fact that (Y/N) wouldn’t wake. Azriel attempted to calm Ruhn down after telling him about the tonic, but he didn’t want to listen until (Y/N) was awake again.

Once she finally woke up Ruhn demanded to know what was in it, and he wasn’t surprised to learn that it had a near lethal dosage of refined black gum mixed in. If she were to use it again it would have to be strictly monitored. He knew all too well the dangers of addiction.

“What if,” He started, “Would taking some of the tonic help? Just a small amount, enough to help calm you.” She peered at him, her brow furrowing in thought. He loved how cute she looked, even though it was a serious topic at hand.

“It could,” She nodded, eyes drifting towards the side with ongoing contemplation. “I just worry about pouring too much. I thought that I measured it correctly, but…” Her words trailed off as she met his gaze again.

“What if I were to help by measuring it out for you?” He offered. “I have experience with one of the ingredients, and have an idea of what would be a good dosage for you. But I don’t want to dictate when you take it. If you feel it would be helpful, and you want my assistance I will gladly mix it up for you in some tea.” Her expression flashed with disgust at the mention of tea.

“I’d rather swallow it as is than drink it with tea,” She stated before jokingly making a retching sound. “What if I took it with alcohol?”

“Baby, it’s already mixed with alcohol. That’s what makes it so dangerous.”

She pouted her lips, but eventually sighed. “It would help with reducing the noise in my head?” He nodded.

“But if you’re not comfortable with taking it we can find something else. Maybe Bryce-” She shook her head at his suggestion.

“The tonic was the only thing that has really helped so far,” She reminded him. “I just need someone to make sure that I don’t overdo it. I’ve had my fair share of taking medications with similar properties and I always get to a point where my tolerance builds and I need more to have the same desired effect.” So she did have an understanding of the risks. Ruhn found himself relaxing a bit at that. At least he wouldn’t have to convince her to not take it daily.

“Let’s do this then,” He offered. “You tell me when things get to be too much, and I’ll pour you the dose that fits your needs best before bed. The tonic comes with risks, but your mental health is just as important.” She nodded.

“Do you want to go back to bed?” He asked. “Or do you want to stay down here and cuddle.” He pulled her closer, settling her hips directly over his own. He had to suppress his surprise at the feeling of her, with only his boxers separating them.

“Cuddle in bed?” She offered. A whisper of a smile gracing her features.

“Sounds perfect,” He returned the smile as she stood up and off his lap. Taking her hand, Ruhn led her back towards their room.

“Wait,” She stopped at the bottom of the staircase. “What should I do when I’m in the Day Court with Lucien?”

“Does Lucien still share a bed with you in the Day Court?” Ruhn asked as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. A possessive part of him didn’t want to hear the answer, selfishly wanting to be the only male to keep her warm in the midnight hours.

“No,” She responded quietly. “He sleeps in his own bed, but he does sleep in the room. We…we felt it was best given all the drama about him being mated to Elain.” Ruhn’s shoulders relaxed just ever so slightly with the news. He knew they were friends, knew that the red-headed male had been privy to a fair number of her most vulnerable moments. He had to remind himself that, based on what little information Lucien provided, there was a brief moment when their relationship had danced on the edge of the already thin line between friendship and something more.

He had suspected that perhaps they had nearly become intimate, or at least seen each other nude. Either way he didn’t particularly like the thought of another male being so close to her in that manner. Regardless of what it was, this moment ended up being the catalyst for Lucien to diminish his presence by her side over the past year and a half. Of which Ruhn was secretly glad. While (Y/N) stated that it was a mutual decision, Lucien informed him that it was her idea and decision. So far Lucien had been true to his word of respecting that decision, even if the separation between them was clearly hurting them both.

“I’m sure that if you explain everything that you told me, he would be more than happy to assist in keeping an eye on you,” Ruhn offered. “And if he doesn’t want to then I’ll just have to start going to the Day Court with you.” His smile was mischievous as he pulled her closer to his body. They both knew that if Ruhn, Bryce, or Hunt were to step outside of Velaris there would be too many questions surrounding them. Especially given the fact that Ruhn and Rhysand looked so similar.

The woman rolled her eyes, “Everyone was in agreement that knowledge of travelers from other worlds needed to be kept within the confines of the Inner Circle.” Her voice took on an almost mocking tone as she repeated Rhysand’s words. “At least until it becomes necessary to share that information.”

Ruhn knew that Rhysand would only reveal the existence of other worlds if there was a direct threat that required the assistance of other leaders. The hope was that those from Midgard would be able to defeat the Asteri largely on their own, and that (Y/N) would find a way home without the other High Lords taking notice. While (Y/N) had interactions with Helion, as far as Ruhn knew he had yet been informed of her true origins.

“I know,” Ruhn said, bringing her hand to his lips before he tugged her up the stairs. “Plus that’s your time alone with Lucien. I doubt he would want me third wheeling.” She giggled. Fucking giggled and his heart soared.

“Just hurry up,” She pushed at his back the rest of the way up the stairs. “I wanna cuddle.”

Yet another Autumn was in full swing in Velaris marking a full 4 years since you arrived in this world. Despite your ongoing trips to the Day Court you were no closer to finding a way home. As much as that simple fact upset you, you were slowly becoming more used to your life in Prythian. Every morning was the same routine of you waking next to Ruhn and having breakfast together before Azriel and Cassian took you to the House of Wind for your self defense training. Training was followed by caring for Nyx 4 days a week. You loved your time with the little heir, but you’d be lying if you said you also didn’t love having time to do what you wanted on your days off.

Most days you would engage in your own hobbies of reading and music, and others you would explore Velaris with someone from the Inner Circle. Well, all except for Rhysand really. Each of the other members had their merits and you didn’t mind getting to know them. You especially enjoyed occasionally joining Nesta and her friends for a book club sleepover. She practically provided you with a never ending supply of romance novels, most of which were not for the faint of heart in regards to smut. Of course, you devoured each and every one of them, but even with the friendships you were forming, you really preferred the time you spent with Ruhn.

You were together every night, and he really had become your rock since your break down after Starfall. You always expressed your gratitude and appreciation for his support, verbally and through small gestures. However, a part of you felt bad because he did so much for you; not only did he provide comfort and support, but he ensured that Lucien was made aware of your needs as well.

The three of you had a very open and honest conversation surrounding the tonic and Lucien spending more time with you in the Night Court. Ruhn had recognized your needs and was proactive in making sure they were met. You were constantly on the lookout for a way to return his efforts, but there never seemed to be an opportunity.

You didn’t want to push the topic, aware that he had his own emotions to process. The loss associated with someone that you were almost certain may have been his mate, even if he didn’t recognize that himself, and being away from his friends surely was taking an emotional toll. Not to mention that his entire life had abruptly changed, being captured and tortured, only to be rescued and forced to live on a world that was not his own. It was a similar situation to yours, so who better to share his feelings with? You wanted to do something for him, support him in the ways he supported you, but you didn’t know where to start since he didn’t open up in the same way.

Sitting on the couch in the front parlor of the townhouse, your mind wandered in and out from thinking of various ideas as you read the latest novel borrowed from Nesta. Of course, the novel was one of her favorites and she gave you a warning to only read it when you were alone. You wished you had listened, clamping your legs together at the thought of Ruhn going down on you like the male lead in the novel. Which led you to wonder if he would enjoy a blow job as a way for you to express your thanks. So far the contents of this particular novel only inspired ideas that you were certain Ruhn would want no part of, at least not with you. You were friends, nothing more. You’d been friendzoned enough times to know that was all you’d ever be with the annoyingly handsome male.

Apart from the fact that you had to push the dirty thoughts from your mind, it was a nice quiet afternoon. One that was made all the more enjoyable with Lucien by your side. Well, he wasn’t exactly by your side as your legs were technically draped over his lap. His own book in one hand while the other traced lazy designs on your exposed thigh.

You smiled to yourself as his fingers drew their designs. The sensation caused a shiver to run up your spine. You were grateful the male had followed through on his promise to see you more often between trips to the Day Court, even if he was technically sneaking behind Rhysand’s back to do it. He had reassured you that if you ever became uncomfortable with the extra visits he would stick to the schedule Rhysand set. Of course, you told him that you would never push him away, that you enjoyed all the time you got to spend with your best friend. Though, that didn’t stop you from worrying. There had already been a few close calls with Azriel almost finding out. The most recent incident was a month ago.

Lucien arrived at the townhouse, winnowing into the back garden. The two of you spent the morning of your day off lounging in your room. Ruhn had left just a few minutes prior, jokingly warning against any “funny business”. You had rolled your eyes, the notion of anything like that occurring between you and your friend was utterly ridiculous, that morning in the Day Court being a fluke. He was mated and not at all interested in any other female, especially not a human.

The two of you spent most of the day talking and catching up. He was in the middle of recounting an instance of Jurian making a fool of himself at one of the human markets when you heard the front door of the townhouse open. You knew that Ruhn wouldn't be back for at least another hour. So whomever was downstairs was someone you were not expecting.

“(Y/N)?” Azriel’s voice floated up the stairs. Of course, it had to be one of the worst people to show up unexpectedly. Your eyes went wide, looking at Lucien whose eyes were equally wide.

“Under the bed!” You whisper shouted to the red-head. The two of you scrambled getting Lucien underneath your bed. You had just resettled on top of the mattress from fixing the sheets when Azriel’s head popped up around the corner of your door frame.

The conversation between the two of you was short with him asking if you wanted to go to a new bakery that had just opened. You politely declined, claiming that you weren’t feeling the best and were probably going to take a nap. If one thing could be said, Azriel had become much better about respecting your boundaries, so he excused himself and offered to go with you another time.

After hearing the front door close again, you rushed over to the top of the stairs to make sure that he truly left. When you returned to your room, you quickly shut the door and locked it just in case someone else decided to show up unannounced. You made your way back over to the bed and dropped down to the ground. Lifting the bedskirt you started to laugh.

“Comfy?” You asked, a wide grin spreading across your face as you looked at the male. Lucien was lying on his stomach, hair mussed from the effort in maneuvering himself around while under your mattress.

“Hardly.” His voice was less than amused as he attempted to crawl back out. The sight was one of the most entertaining you had witnessed in quite some time. His slow wiggling army crawl made him look more like a worm than the formidable predator that you knew Fae males to be. You couldn’t help but laugh loudly and fully. You laughed so hard that tears were streaming from your face and a slight pain bloomed on your side. You had not laughed like that since before your arrival in this world. The only thing that stopped you was the fact that you nearly triggered a coughing fit.

“This makes me feel like a teenager again,” You admitted between laughs. “When I had to hide my boyfriend from my parents. Azriel has a bit of a tendency to act like such a dad!” You erupted into another bout of boisterous laughter. “Daddy Az!” Lucien just stared at you, his expression torn between amusement and irritation. You just continued to cackle.

The two of you couldn’t always hide out in your bedroom though. Which is how you ended up in your current position on the couch, the dark gray curtains of the picture window overlooking the cobblestone street drawn shut. Your eyes focused back on the book in front of you. You kept your face as neutral as possible as the two main characters started to engage in a downright raunchy sex scene. You were no stranger to smutty stories, but the level of detail this author included was not what you were expecting. There was honestly no real plot to this book, just bold erotica.

The passage of the book ignited a longing in your core. Again, you were forced to rub your thighs together to try to alleviate the desire building inside you. Lucien’s fingers stopped their movement, carefully squeezing your thigh. You couldn’t tell if it was in response to anything you were doing or if he just wasn’t paying attention. Regardless, you recognized that your body was reacting to the scene too strongly. Fuck, you needed to get laid. Five years without sex is way too long.

You were so engrossed in your novel and the thoughts surrounding the passage that you didn’t hear the voices of those approaching the townhouse. You also didn’t hear the group enter and make their way into the parlor.

“Aww, aren’t you two sweet?” Bryce cooed from the entryway. Your body jolted from surprise. One would have thought the book in your hands burned your skin with how quickly you dropped it. That was nothing compared to the shriek you let out when Ruhn’s face appeared next to your shoulder.

“What are you reading?” His deep voice sent heat straight to your core. Goosebumps rose up along your arms as his breath fanned across your ear. He gave you a quick peck of a kiss to your cheek before leaning down to pick up the book. You felt Lucien’s grip on your thigh tighten before it went back to tracing indiscriminate patterns. His attention went to Bryce and Hunt, striking up a conversation with them. You reached for the book, but when you failed to answer Ruhn quickly enough, he pulled the novel away before you could get a decent grasp on it.

“Hey! I am reading that!” You screeched at the dark haired male. You attempted to go for the book again, but Ruhn pranced out of your reach.

“Well, isn’t this interesting.” He mused before exaggerating the clearing of his throat. The next sentence that came out of his mouth consisted of the most explicit erotica you had ever heard in your life. There was nothing left to the imagination at the graphic detail the author laid out. You felt the color drain from your face as the other three individuals immediately stopped their conversation while Ruhn continued to read in an overly dramatic fashion.

“I begged him for his seed. Begged him to fill me. I-” Ruhn scrunched his face as his eyes scanned the page. “Fucking Hel I’m not saying that out loud. You know if you’re interested in this material all you have to do is ask. I’d be glad to show you first hand.” Ruhn dangled the book in front of your face. A smirk stretching across his features.

Your hands reached for the book again, “Give that back.” You demanded. Your face burned red from the embarrassment that filled your chest. Ruhn pulled the book out of your reach a second time. Placing the corner of the novel against his cheek he hummed in playful contemplation.

“No.” His statement was simple. “If you want it, come get it.” With that he raced out of the room.

“Fucking asshole!” You seethed under your breath. Your embarrassment clouded your better judgment. A part of you knew that you fell for whatever scheme he was planning, but another part of you didn’t care as butterflies filled your stomach.

“You’re such a child!” You shouted, swinging your legs to the side of the couch. Without a second thought you raced after him, barely registering Bryce’s comment.

“She’s aware that she's just in that long tank top and panties right?” Bryce snickered.

As you rounded the corner into the front hall you saw the back door slam shut. You ran for the door, quickly following him into the back garden. You stomped over to Ruhn, his bright eyes lit up like the night sky. You weren’t about to give him the satisfaction of you having to ask a third time to return the book, so you simply held out your hand expectantly.

You honestly shouldn’t have expected that he would return the book so easily. No, Ruhn Danaan was a jerk that enjoyed teasing you at every possible opportunity. He held the book high above his head, completely out of your reach. But boy, did you make a spectacle of yourself trying to retrieve the item responsible for your shame. You jumped, arm extended upwards hoping to wrap your fingers around the book’s spine, only for Ruhn to move the book to his other hand. You smacked his chest and made a second attempt to jump for the book. However, you lost your balance as your foot landed on the tip of Ruhn’s boot.

The male caught you, his arms slipping around your waist to steady you. With the book now within your sights as it rested on your hip you spun yourself around with the hopes to finally catch it. Alas, you were bested by his supernatural Fae reflexes. His arm was back in the air, the book dangling above his head. His other arm tightened around you, pulling your back flush against his chest.

“Come on sweetness,” He mocked. His lips pressed against your ear. “You can do better than that can’t you?” You growled in frustration. The male just laughed, kissing the top of your head.

“Would you stop that,” You warned, attempting and failing to push his face away from yours. You didn’t want him to know the effect that his lips and breath against your skin caused. The shiver that traveled down your spine. The way your legs turned to jelly. You were grateful that his arm was around you, certain that your knees would give out otherwise. Desire built within you the longer he held you close, wrapped in his warmth.

“Did you know that when you’re aroused your scent takes on a slight hint of amber musk?” He crooned. He hadn’t moved his lips from their spot against your ear lobe. “It surprisingly complements the vanilla and honey very well.” Your eyes went wide and you whipped your head around to face him. You knew that the Fae had a more sensitive sense of smell, but you had been uncertain of the extent of this ability. The idea that anyone would be able to smell hormonal changes or emotions as if this were a poorly written omegaverse story, made you nervous. Knowing Ruhn was able to tell when you were aroused…You were absolutely mortified.

“Aww baby, don’t worry,” He tried to reassure you, but the teasing tone to his voice never dissipated. “I’m certain that I’m the only one to have picked up on that.” He paused, his voice almost clipped. “Perhaps Lucien too.” You groaned. It was one thing for Ruhn to notice and become familiar with your scent. He lived with you and slept next to you every night. Somehow you felt even more embarrassed to know that Lucien could also tell. You made a vow to never read another smutty book in either of their presences ever again.

“Just, give me the book Ruhn,” You were rapidly getting tired of this game.

“I will, if you tell me something about you that no one else knows,” He finally let you go. “And gimme a kiss.”

“A kiss? Really?” You were exasperated and leveled him with a glare. “Aren’t we both a bit old to act like immature and hormonal teenagers?”

“Maybe,” He mused, swinging the book in front of your face. “It doesn’t have to be more than a simple little peck.” You rolled your eyes. You stood there, tapping your foot with your hands on your hips as you pondered what to tell him.

“Fine,” You bemoaned. “Seeing as no one has asked me yet, I’ll let you know when my birthday is, and my exact age.” You crooked your finger, beckoning him to come closer. Once he was close enough, you wrapped your hand around the back of his neck. You allowed your fingers to thread in his hair, his own hand coming to rest on your hip.

You had no idea where the sudden boldness came from, but you wanted to get back at him just a little. So, using your most seductive sounding voice you whispered the information into his year. Since you weren’t entirely sure if either Prythian or Midgard used the same calendar as your world, you gave an approximation of days after one of the main solar holidays which your birthday landed on. Had you angled your head differently you would have seen how his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head at the sound of your voice. What you did note was the tightening of his grip on your hip. You then topped off your performance with a small kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Oh that’s not fair. That was hardly a kiss.” He complained. “And there’s no way you’re that age.”

“I most certainly am. And you should have been more specific about the type of kiss you wanted,” You explained, offering him a sweet smile. “Book please.” Holding out both of your hands you patiently waited for him to comply. With an exaggerated sigh, he placed the racy novel into your awaiting hands. You beamed up at the male, lips parting to make a sarcastic remark when someone behind you cleared their throat. Lucien stood on the wooden deck, shifting from one foot to the next.

“I should be getting back to the human lands,” He announced, eyes focusing on Ruhn. A harsh expression crossed his features.

“Okay,” You nodded, choosing to ignore how Lucien’s gaze never left the other male’s, and quickly ran up to him. He opened his arms, enveloping you in a hug as part of your usual parting routine. You embraced him as well, taking in a deep breath as you pressed your nose against his neck. You knew that your sense of smell wasn’t anything like the Fae’s, incapable of picking out each and every specific scent that made up the whole. But that didn’t stop you from wanting to memorize the way he smelled. You couldn’t put your finger on any one particular fragrance, the only thing your mind could determine was that he just smelled like a warm and cozy autumn afternoon. Ruhn had his own scent in your mind as well. Again, nothing that you could describe beyond the way it made you feel at ease and secure.

Lucien held you close, his own face buried against your neck. Perhaps he also found comfort in the way you smelled. You suddenly remembered Ruhn’s comment, of the two of them being able to smell your arousal. Carefully you pulled away from Lucien before wishing him a safe journey back to his shared home with Vassa and Jurian. The males gave each other a small nod, and within the blink of an eye Lucien was gone.

Lucien had lost count of how many times he read the passage in the center of the page of his open book. His attention continuously strayed to the woman whose legs were draped over his lap. Her attention focused on the novel in her own hands lent to her by Nesta, eyes darting side to side as her gaze swept over what must have been truly tantalizing material. Especially if the intoxicatingly sweet aroma spilling off her was anything to go by.

It took effort for him to keep his breaths steady, fighting against the desperate desire to inhale deeply every time the breeze brushed through the open window and ruffling her hair. His left hand rested across her plump thighs, fingertips tracing lazy designs along the outer side. Every now and again the softest hum would slip past her lips. The sound caused his cock to twitch against the fabric of his trousers.

The scent of her arousal was thick and heady. He glanced over to her, careful not to rouse suspicion that he was watching. A thin lacy off-white strap of her light blue cotton top slipped off her shoulder. The simple item was one that Bryce had given her for the Winter Solstice last year, and her breasts looked sinful whenever she wore it. Another breeze flitted past, and Lucien watched as her nipples peaked underneath the fabric. Mother above; he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the groan that wanted out.

An eternity passed by as he debated on giving up his attempts to read entirely. The need to taste her was damn near overwhelming. That desire quickly won out. Without another thought he allowed his fingers to trail higher up the exposed silken flesh of her thigh, slowly moving towards the apex between her legs. He delicately brushed over the outline of her pubic mound before moving on to the opposite leg. He watched intently as her breath became shallow, hitching when his fingers teased over the sensitive area again. Her eyes stopped their flitting movement from taking in the words on the pages before her, however, she didn’t bring her attention to him. Instead, she parted her legs just enough for him to dip his hand between them. A silent invitation.

He accepted the gift that was offered to him, and curled his fingers between the limbs, pressing the outside of his pinky against the thin fabric of her matching panties. Ever since their trip to the Day Court she stopped wearing any articles of clothing that would obscure her legs from his view when they were alone together. He had no complaints, secretly loving the fact that she felt confident enough to show them off. Her breath hitched again. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, pleased with the reaction he was eliciting from her. He moved his hand up and down, dragging the edge of it along her folds. She spread her legs a little further, and Lucien felt the damp spot that had seeped through the cotton material.

Lucien turned his head to better look at the woman. Her book swayed in her grip as her eyes fluttered shut from the pleasure she was already feeling. He pressed his hand further between her legs and hooked his pinky finger under the fabric separating her flesh from his. He smirked with satisfaction; she was absolutely soaked. She whimpered as his finger wriggled in between her folds, inching closer to that precious bundle. Her body went taut as soon as he made contact, and her eyes found him. His grin was triumphant.

Her book fell to the side, thumping against the carpet beneath the couch they lounged upon. Lucien tossed aside his own book, not caring where it landed in the parlor. He twisted to face her, her legs falling open for him. Wordlessly his hand traveled up to the waistband of her underwear and began to pull down. Lifting her hips, she allowed him to remove the garment. His mouth watered at the sight of her glistening cunt before him. He maneuvered himself lower, bracing his forearms on the cushions. Gently pulling on her leg to bring her closer, she then angled her hips to give him better access to her center. He kissed his way up the inside of one thigh, gently blowing warm air over her folds, and kissed back down the opposite thigh. She stifled a moan at the contact. He wrapped one arm around the thigh resting against the back of the couch, pinning her in place. His other hand traced up the inside of her opposite leg, gently pushing it further out, opening her to him completely.

He looked at her again, her chest rising and falling from breathlessness. She made no move to stop him, so he descended upon her. He brushed his nose along the seam of her entrance. Her inhale sharp and sudden as he trailed it over her clit. His tongue soon followed, dragging along from the base of her entrance, dipping in to collect her honeyed essence on his tongue. He moaned at her flavor, his cock now hard and straining against his trousers. His tongue languidly found its way up to her clit, gently circling around it. The needy whimper she made was music to his ears, encouraging him to recreate an intricate dance over her sensitive pearl.

He brought his hand up and spread her lips, before flicking over her bud with the strong muscle. She cried out, her hand winding its way into his hair. He grinned in satisfaction as she held him close to her. He gave his undivided attention to that bundle of nerves. Alternating between the tip and flat of his tongue pressing against her. She called his name when he wrapped his lips around her pearl and sucked. Her head was thrown back in complete bliss. She didn’t hold back any of her pleasured moans, and he relished the sound.

He buried his face further into her, moving to dip his tongue deep in her core. Her hips bucked, seeking more stimulation. Lucien was all too happy to oblige. A quick kiss to her clit and he backed away. Running his fingers through her wetness, he coated the digits before sinking two into her awaiting opening. He almost came from the pleasured cry she released.

Encouraged by her voice, his lips wrapped around her pearl again. He thrust his fingers a few times, feeling along the velvety walls for the spot that would make her see stars. Upon finding it, he began to massage the spot with the pads of his fingers. More of her essence flowed from her, dripping onto the cushions below and coating the fabric with evidence from how good he was making her feel.

He could stay here, licking her core for hours if she’d let him. Cauldron, he prayed she would let him. She was so sweet, with just the right hint of musk. She squirmed her hips, but his grip on her only tightened. Her walls began to clamp around his long fingers as they continued to massage against that soft spot. Pride filled his chest. She was going to come soon, surprisingly quickly too. Not wanting to disappoint his love he wrapped his lips around her clit again and sucked harshly. She cried out as her legs began to shake. Lucien sped up the pace of his fingers inside her, matching it with the flicking of his tongue against her bud. Within seconds she came. Hard. Her walls pulsated with the pounding of her heart. He slowed his movements, but didn’t stop, wanting to savor the taste of her just a little longer.

The sound of thunder roared through the manor, instantly jolting Lucien from the dream. He growled at the fact that nature had the gall to disturb and wake him. He turned his head to the side to see the chilled droplets of water splattering against the window of his room. The human lands were always dreary this time of year. Actually, to be honest they were dreary in general, regardless of the time of year. However, that was probably to be expected south of the wall. Even with the wall gone these past five years magic had largely stayed within the Prythian Fae lands.

Lucien groaned again, his hands rubbing along his face. He threw off the cream colored wool blanket, leaving him only covered by the matching cotton sheet. He shifted his legs only to feel the sheet get caught on his hard cock. Looking down he grunted in frustration. This hadn’t been his first sex dream, but it was the first where (Y/N) was involved.

He was with her just the day before and wondered if this was the reason she occupied his thoughts. Her scent had been intoxicating as they sat on the couch together, basking in each other’s company. If he had to be honest with himself the dream was just a manifestation of the actions he wanted to take before they were interrupted. He groaned again. He shouldn’t be thinking of her this way. She was his friend. Yet, he couldn’t help it when the memory of her bare breasts would sneak past his defenses in the middle of the day.

He took several deep breaths, hoping that would help him calm down. After a few minutes he could no longer stand the throbbing sensation of his member. Pulling the sheets back he looked down at his body. His cock stretched up towards his navel, hovering just above his torso. The tip glistened as lighting lit up the room. He sighed, having no choice other than to take care of the issue.

Lucien allowed his hand to traverse down his body. If he was going to do this he may as well make it enjoyable. His large hand reached the part of him begging for attention. Gently he traced the tips of his fingers down the underside of his shaft, the touch caused him to hiss through his teeth. He continued on downward to massage his scrotum. His hips canted up as pleasure bloomed. He called forth an image of Elain in his mind. Surely it was permissible for him to think of his mate in this context, even if she was still processing the mating bond and didn’t appear to want anything to do with him. They had the time for her to process and come to a decision. So, he could let his imagination build an idea of her in his head.

His hand went to his shaft, thumb spreading the pearl beads of liquid that flowed out. He continued to hold the picture of Elain in his mind, but it was a struggle. He kept having to consciously drag his mind back to her as it kept wandering to thoughts of (Y/N). His hand caressed along his length until it was flush against his base, squeezing as it traveled down. He performed the same action as his hand returned to the head of his cock. More liquid spilled forth and the image of (Y/N)’s tongue licking the substance from his tip slammed to the forefront of his mind.

He moaned at the mental image of the woman, bent over between his legs. He spread them further apart ever so slightly as to make space for her body. He truly wondered what her mouth would feel like wrapped around him. How far would she be able to take him? Would she have to use her hand to caress what she couldn’t fit? How would her mouth compare to being inside her. He could easily picture her perched above him, slowly lowering herself to allow his cock to breach her warm cunt.

Lucien warmed his hand to the temperature he imagined would wrap around him once he was fully sheathed inside. The moan that left his lips was louder than he intended. He quickly brought his free hand to his lips to muffle any other sounds that may slip out without his permission.

He picked up the pace as he continued to picture her bouncing above him. An image of the way her breasts would bounce with the movement entered his mind. He remembered how full and heavy they looked. Gods, he had desperately wanted to wrap his lips around her peaked nipples that morning in the Day Court.

He wondered if things would have been any different if they had given into their desires that night, or even that morning when they sobered up. Would he be able to act upon the thoughts that filtered through? Allow himself to sink deep into her warmth as they made love? His hand continued running up and down, up and down, giving quick and firm squeezes as needed along the most sensitive parts of his shaft. He could feel pressure building in the pit of his lower abdomen, his balls tightening by a fraction. His hand moved faster as the mental version of (Y/N) rotating her hips. She would do her best to reach her own climax, wanting her euphoria to peak in time with him.

Lucien stroked his member a few more times before that pressure boiled over. Ropes of cum spurted forth, coating parts of his abdomen. The orgasm went on longer than any he had before. A second wave caused his seed to dribble over his hand. His hand slowed and eventually stopped.

Pulling away from his softening length he slowed his breathing. He sat up, bringing his legs over the side of the bed. Standing, he walked over to the small pitcher and basin that rested on the top of the narrow dresser in the corner of his room. He quickly cleaned himself off and returned to the bed. As he returned to a horizontal position the reality of what he did finally caught up with him.

He came to the thought of his best friend riding him. Why? What the hell was wrong with him? It was true he missed her, despite spending more time with her in secret. Maybe that was the reason the image of her was called to his mind. Since Elain continued to push him aside, his mind instead conjured the female he missed the most, giving him pleasure he didn’t even know he craved.

It was hard to admit, but the time spent with the otherworldly woman occupied his thoughts more and more frequently. He could only assume that his growing affection was due to the time spent with her. (Y/N) never truly wanted him out of her life. Their agreement to separate was just to stop the others from talking and meddling in what should have been just between him and his friend.

Besides, he didn’t believe that she would be interested in him in that regard. Not when she had become so close to Ruhn. The way that the male looked at her, his need to constantly touch her and her easy acceptance of that affection sent a pang through Lucien’s chest. Yes, she was more likely to be interested in Ruhn than him. Lucien made himself believe his feelings weren’t more than a quick and fleeting infatuation anyway. She could actually create a life with Ruhn. Lucien concluded that he should let her have that life, if she so chooses. He would be perfectly content to continue their friendship.

With his thoughts starting to settle, he listened to the rain that continued its assault on the manor he shared with Vassa and Jurian. Soon after he drifted off to sleep, but his dreams wouldn’t so easily let her go. Later that morning, Lucien found himself repeating the cycle from the night before. Perhaps he was in more trouble than he wanted to admit.

The smell of sauteed garlic filled the townhouse when you entered. Having just returned from the Day Court with Lucien, your stomach rumbled. The week you spent there had been fruitless yet again. You were starting to believe that the information you so desperately sought simply did not exist. It had been too long without any real headway. Which didn’t make any sense. According to Nesta, one of the Night Court priestesses had, at one point, compiled research regarding other worlds. Therefore, the sources should reasonably exist. Then again, her research was more about proving the existence of other worlds, not necessarily travel between them.

Still you clung on to some version of hope. For your next trip you were planning on going to a much older library set in the middle of the Day Court territory. According to Helion it was the oldest library in Prythian, built along the edge of a river. He explained that not only did the library house books and scrolls, but it held artifacts as well. You had to admit that you were excited for that aspect. If you couldn’t find a way home you could at least learn as much about this land that you found yourself in.

“Ouch! Shit!” Ruhn’s shout interrupted your thoughts. You made your way into the kitchen to see said male using one hand to pour scalding water into the basin of the sink. He shook his other hand at his side, likely from the splash of the water as it hit the porcelain.

“What is all this?” You asked, glancing around at the chaos. The kitchen island was covered in debris from cut vegetables, herbs, and what appeared to be a partial cheese wedge. At least three saucepans were on the stove top, not including the large pot he held. Ruhn chuckled nervously as he twisted to face you.

“You’re, uh, a bit early,” He set the pot back on the stovetop. “I was hoping to have this done by the time you got here.” You were utterly confused.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” You pointed out. You made your way further into the kitchen, the smell of garlic and onion making your stomach growl.

“Well, I would hope that’s a bit obvious.” He smiled and your stomach filled with butterflies. “But in case it isn’t, I made you dinner.” You didn’t know how to react. It was by far one of the sweetest gestures you had received in a while. It seemed that most of the people in your life were fond of giving gifts, so something as simple as a homemade dinner was new.

“Okay,” You still didn’t understand why he would go through this trouble of making dinner. “Why?” You couldn’t help but be cautious. While Ruhn had given you no reason to doubt his intentions, gestures like this reminded you of a past negative relationship. One of your ex’s would perform these grand gestures or even small acts of service, only to remind you of his “generosity” when he wanted something.

Ruhn didn’t answer, but simply smiled as he continued moving about the kitchen. Cooked noodles and a few veggies were tossed into a white sauce that bubbled on the stove top. He gathered a couple of plates, setting them on the only clear spot between the stove and sink. One of his shadows managed to fetch a pair of crystal wine glasses from the cupboard. You could smell the sharp sweetness of the pale wine as he poured half a glass for you.

“Come on Ruhn,” You placed a hand on top of his to gain his attention. “What is this all for?”

“Today’s your birthday isn’t it?” The question rattled you. It took a few seconds for you to begin the mental calculations, and sure enough he was right. Today was your birthday. Ruhn had resumed plating the pasta dish, and therefore missed your stunned expression, surprised by the fact that he remembered. Then again, he was the only one that even knew. The reminder that no one else had even bothered to ask in the years that you had been here stung. However, you were determined to not let that ruin his thoughtfulness.

“Follow me,” He instructed, rounding his way around the island, both plates in hand and piled high with the best smelling white wine garlic sauce that you could imagine. Excited for what the night could bring you followed as he instructed.

You had gotten through half of your meal when Ruhn placed a rectangular black box slightly larger than your palm on the table directly in front of you. Your laughter fizzled out as you stared at the object. The butterflies were back, swirling around and threatening to fly up and out of your throat. You hadn’t expected any of this, neither dinner nor a gift, when you told him of your birthday.

“Happy Birthday, again,” He smiled. The expression was so genuine and filled with adoration. Your heart stuttered. You looked between him and the box with wide eyes. It had been nearly four years without anyone even bothering to ask about your birthday. You were aware of everyone else’s birthdays, and at least the approximate time for Cassian’s. Everyone else received at the very least well wishes and at most celebrations were held. Yet still no one had directly asked you about yours.

“That’s not,” You had to swallow the lump that was forming. You could only point to the object lying before you. “That’s not-”

“It’s not jewelry,” He chuckled, “If that’s what you’re worried about.” You let out a relieved sigh.

“What is it then?”

“You’ll have to open it if you want to find out.” He reasoned, sliding the box closer towards you. With nervous fingers you reached for it. The item was simple and reminded you of thick cardboard. The lid slid off easily, the bottom half thunking slightly against the wooden table top. Inside was what resembled a smartphone. The large black screen was dark and reflected the lights from the small chandelier above.

Confusion crossed your features. What were you supposed to do with a cell phone living in Prythian? You couldn’t exactly use it. There were no cell towers or access to any network that would allow you to make calls or send messages. The only thing that it could be used for is a place to store music and photos. Maybe even a game that didn’t require any internet. You also had no way of keeping the phone powered up. From what you could gather, faelights and firstlight were entirely different energy sources from each other and different from the energy sources you had on Earth. So what was the reason for a gift like this? It wasn’t as if you weren’t grateful, just confused.

“Turn it on,” Ruhn encouraged. He clearly knew something that you didn’t. You could tell the male was eager for you to find out whatever it was he had planned. You followed his instruction, powering on the device. The screen lit up, slowly going from one load screen to the next. The names of the manufacturing company and service provider were different from your own, yet still provided a sense of familiarity. When the phone finally loaded, you were greeted with an image you thought would be forever lost to you.

The background image of the phone’s home screen was the most recent picture you had taken of your nephew before your life had changed. For the briefest of moments everything went still as you stared at the image. You had no words. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing as the tears brimmed your eyes.

Slowly Ruhn reached over, tapping one of the two icons and a music player replaced your homescreen. He scrolled down, titles of songs flying by. It took you a moment to realize that you recognized some of them. Your brows furrowed, confusion blooming yet again. You tried to remember if there had ever been any discussion of your world having the same songs or artists as those on Midgard, but your mind came up empty. There was no way…

Your question was answered as Ruhn backed out of the music app and opened the phone’s image gallery. Your gasp was audible. Tiles of images from your life on Earth filled the screen. You scrolled through the gallery. Eventually you came to a few that you didn’t initially recognize. You clicked on the tile, causing it to expand. The image of you holding Nyx at your first Starfall forced the tears to drip from your eyes. You scrolled right to view another image. One where Ruhn had joined you and the little heir. Waves of longing washed over you.

“I-I…H-,” You lifted your hand towards your throat as you struggled to find your voice. “How?” Your tongue felt heavy as you tried to retain some composure. You couldn’t look at the male, afraid that you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself together. This was without a doubt the most thoughtful gift you had received in your life.

“I asked my friend, Declan,” Ruhn explained, his voice uncharacteristically soft and timid. “He’s a tech genius.” You continued to scroll through the new images. You had been completely unaware that your picture was being taken as often as it was, most of the images being candid shots of you and Ruhn together. You almost didn’t recognize yourself. Not just because your body had clearly adjusted to a life with less processed foods and regular exercise, but you appeared happy in every picture with the male. Genuinely happy. When did that happen?

“Why?” The question was a hushed whisper. This didn’t make any sense. Why would he do this for you? Why was he doing anything for you? Even if Lucien asked him to help make sure you stayed safe, Ruhn was under no obligation to go to the extent that he has for you. So why?

“Dec managed to transfer over most of the music and photo data that was on your phone,”

Ruhn continued, dragging his chair closer towards you. “We weren’t even sure if it would work, but I’m happy it did.”

“What do you mean?” He looked puzzled, as if the answer, his motivation was the most obvious thing in the world. The obvious reason would be that he considered you a friend. But that reason alone wasn’t sufficient for all that he did.

“I-I don’t understand,” Words were failing you as you continued to stare at the phone. “Why…are you so good to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He continued to speak as if the answer was obvious. “You deserve to feel special and cared for. You’re important to me and I…care about you.”

“You care about me?” You finally turned to look at him.

“Yes.” He smiled again.

“You asked your friend to-” You had to swallow before your words got away from you. “This…all of this is because you care about me?”

“Yes.” His chuckle was gentle as he brushed his knuckles against the side of your face. You hadn’t realized how close his face was to yours. Your eyes flitted down to the curve of his full mouth, and before you could stop yourself you pressed your lips against his. Your body felt alight, zapped and thrumming with electricity. You pulled away just as quickly, eyes going wide. You didn’t mean to kiss him. Or at least, you think you didn’t mean to. Your emotions just took over. Surely he would understand that it was an accident.

“I’m…I’m sor-” But your words were muffled as he chased your kiss with one of his own. As your lips met for a second time, everything slowed down and sped up simultaneously. Ruhn’s hold on you felt like a dream, his large warm hands cradling your face. Electricity skittered down your spine as one of the hands moved towards the back of your neck. A familiar gentle tug at your roots settled the nerves that raced through your veins.

As you eased into the kiss, your hands came to rest on his shoulders to help ground yourself. You felt as if you were floating; though you weren’t entirely sure that you would have minded if you never came back down. All thoughts in your mind jumbled and turned fuzzy as his lips caressed and melded with your own. With each passing second you craved more of him.

You almost wondered if he was able to read your thoughts when his hands drifted down your body, dancing over every curve until they found the small of your back. He pulled you closer towards the edge of your chair, before separating your mouths, breaths intermingling between you.

Quicker than you could comprehend, you felt your body being lifted. The next thing you knew you were planted on the table top with Ruhn placed between your thighs as he towered over you. Plates and utensils clanged against each other and your wine glasses rattled from the force your bodies had on the wood. Your head was forced to angle up in order to reach his lips again. As you reconnected, Ruhn’s tongue traced along the seam of your closed lips. Without any hesitation you opened up to him, allowing him the opportunity to explore.

Kissing Ruhn made you feel alive, blood vibrating with the racing of your heart. Goosebumps rose along every inch of skin as his hands wandered over your body. His kiss was all encompassing, every one of your senses on high alert and zoned in on the feel of him against you. The only sounds in the room consisted of your mingled breaths and the repeated meeting of your lips.

Ruhn’s calloused hand traveled down the side of your waist, passing over your hips to come to rest on your lower left thigh. Fingers wrapped around the back of your knee, grip tight and secure. In a fluid motion he tugged you forward, wrapping the limb around his hip. The movement caused you to fall back, but you caught yourself on your elbows. Ruhn leaned over you, pushing you further back to lay flat against the table.

Excitement raced through you at the thought of him taking you in the middle of the dining room. Ruhn’s mouth separated from yours and began to trace along the side of your neck. His quick breaths tickled your skin. Your hands traveled up his arms, one lingering on his bicep while the other continued to wrap tightly in his hair. You guided him to a spot on your neck that made your toes curl. Ruhn sucked on the spot of your pulse point, just below your ear. You whimpered at the tingling sensation that shot down the right side of your body, warmth spreading throughout your core. Gods, you wanted him. Wanted him sheathed deep inside you, rutting and grinding to bring you to the brink of an orgasm.

“Fuck Ruhn,” You moaned. He grunted in reply, doubling down on his attention to that spot on your neck. Something nagged at the back of your mind, but you shoved it aside. Soon his lips trailed further down, kissing their way along the front of your throat and collar bones. His head dipped lower, down to your cleavage.

“Ruhn,” You whined. “Slow-slow down.” However, it appeared he was too lost in his lust to have heard you. That nagging sensation in the back of your mind appeared again.

“Ruhn, baby,” You tried to gain his attention again. “I need-”

“I love it when you say my name.” His mouth moved back as he hummed, lowering the collar of your dress. In another motion he moved aside the cup of your bra, exposing one breast to the cool air of the dining room. You could feel the bud peak from the sudden lack of warmth. His nose brushed around your nipple, and your hips canted up toward his pelvis. Your response surly was a favorable one as in the next instance his mouth enveloped the stiff bud.

“Oh Gods!” You pulled at the roots of his midnight hair as his tongue began to gently lave over your nipple. “Ruhn, please wa-”

“It’s okay Lidia. I’ve got you.” His words forced reality to slam back into you like the coldest winter winds.

“What did you just say?” You grabbed his face, forcing Ruhn to look at you. The blue of his irises were nearly obscured by the blown pupils. “Ruhn!”

“What?” Ruhn blinked in surprise at the strength the woman used to push him away. His hands had to brace themselves on the edge of the table so that he didn’t fall on top of her.

“You just called me Lidia,” Her voice was strained. The expression on her features a mix of emotions, each one vying to overtake the other to gain control of how she would react.

“No,” Ruhn’s voice was breathless as he reeled back to a standing position above her. “No. Fuck…I-I didn’t...” Guilt washed over him as he looked at the woman before him. What the fuck was wrong with him? He didn’t mean to say that name. He knew that he was with (Y/N). He was ecstatic that he was finally getting to hold and touch her in the way he craved since well before their first Starfall. He allowed his mind to be clouded by lust.

“Was she…was Lidia the female that saved your life?” (Y/N)’s tone was somber, yet held a slight wobble. Ruhn looked down, afraid to meet her pained gaze. He noticed that her naked breast was still on display. Her eyes followed his stare and she hastily fixed her dress to cover herself.

“I…” He tried to swallow his shame. “Yes, but I didn’t-”

“Yet you did Ruhn,” She moved off the table. Arms wrapping around herself, she sat back in her chair.

“She doesn’t mean anything,” He tried to reassure her, but even he knew that it was a lie. He didn’t understand, honestly he didn’t allow himself to understand exactly what Lidia meant to him. His feelings were jumbled like a pile of worms. A perfect reflection of how he currently felt looking at how she caved in on herself.

The situation with Lidida was complex to say the least. He had grown to care for Agent Daybright. Hel, he had suspicions that there was something greater at work that brought them together. That was until he found out who she really was. Day, his Day, was none other than The Hind. The very same female known for hunting down and destroying any rebel life that dared make itself known on her radar. But Lidia had been a double agent. Years later and Ruhn was still trying to wrap his head around this revelation.

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” (Y/N) begged. Ruhn couldn’t focus his attention on the present moment.

“Do what? Baby I-”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Her bitter yell shot down his spine. “Please.” He was shocked that she yelled, actually yelled. He couldn’t blame her for that though. He called her by another female’s name. Something that no one deserved, but especially her. Ruhn knew that (Y/N) already had doubts and insecurities. He had vowed to himself that he would build her up, make her see just how desirable and worth loving she was. He thought he had finally succeeded when she initiated that first kiss. Yet despite his physical attention being on her, his use of the wrong name unraveled everything in an instant.

“I’m not an idiot, so please do not try to play this off,” She began, her voice taking on an edge of cynicism. However, she took a breath before continuing. “I recognize that it’s complicated, at least from what little Bryce told me, but Lidia clearly meant something to you.” Complicated was putting it in the most simplistic of terms. When he found out who Lidia was, he felt betrayed. Played like a fiddle for a fool. It didn’t matter how much the female tried to talk to him through whatever bond had been forged. It didn’t matter how he would always regret shutting her out during that week, only for her to die making sure that he got out safe and alive.

“Bryce talked to you about Lidia?” Ruhn’s own voice hardened. He felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had intentionally never mentioned Lidia’s name to (Y/N) before. He didn’t see the need since the female was no longer living and all of his attention was focused on the woman by his side day in and day out.

“Well you certainly didn’t,” She snapped. “And I still had to ask her several times before she finally gave any information.” The (h/c) woman sighed, shoulders slumping forward from an invisible heaviness.

“Why did you ask her?” Ruhn knew the answer. Ruhn knew that he rarely even talked about the events that lead to him getting involved with the human rebellion against the Asteri. But it was for good reason. His life had been completely turned upside down, he didn’t want to add on to anyone else’s shit. It didn’t matter that Hunt argued that (Y/N) would understand. Ruhn didn’t want to add the burden of his feelings on to her, not with all she had been through.

“You wouldn’t open up, and I didn’t know what else to do!” She almost seemed defeated by her growing frustration. “Did you really think that I didn’t notice there were days where you were struggling? Did you think I didn’t notice when you became distant? Your gaze unfocused and attention elsewhere? Did you think that I wouldn’t listen?” Her accusation stung. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell her. Ruhn couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her any of this. For all that he wanted he just couldn’t open up to her. It was his job to take care of her, not the other way around. Not when her existence meant so much. But he had failed her too. He hurt her and there was no excuse. His throat constricted with remorse.

“We’ve spent nearly four years getting to know each other,” The soft laugh that escaped her sounded beaten and on the verge of breaking. “Three of those years have been spent sleeping in the same bed almost every night. You have supported me in ways that I will never ever be able to repay. You know so much about me and my needs. I know next to nothing about you.” She wiped at her cheek, flicking away the tear that managed to slip past. He wanted to reassure her, but all he could manage was to remain silent and unmoving. The shame kept him frozen. Who knew that a single name could cause such turmoil?

“I’ve tried Ruhn. I have asked questions about your life and your interests. All to see if you would open up to me in the ways I have shared with you; but I feel constantly shut out from anything that is meaningful. I don’t know what else to do.” Another silent tear slipped down. She sounded so tired.

“I know that everyone heals in their own time, and I don’t want to force you to do something that you are not ready for. But if there is to be anything between us,” Her tone became a plea, “If there are any genuine feelings, then I need you to share yourself with me. I want to know who you are and support you when you need comfort. It is only fair.” Ruhn knew that she was right. That Hunt was right. She would be the only one that would be able to understand the upheaval and veering trajectory that his life had taken.

“I also,” She suddenly became much more hesitant. “I also need to know that you are able to differentiate me from her. I shouldn’t have to compete with a ghost. I deserve more than to be a consolation prize.” Her last statement felt like a slap in the face. He knew she didn’t deserve that, but he also recognized how easy it was for her to feel that way. Lidia essentially gave her life for Ruhn. He would forever feel responsible and grateful to her. So when he referred to the woman in front of him by his almost lover, he made all of her insecurities come true.

“I am so sorry,” His voice cracked, desperate to apologize. “That was a fucking shitty thing for me to do. You don’t deserve that. I-I know that. I just…” How was he supposed to explain something that he didn’t fully understand?

“It’s fine,” The words were clipped, acidic and dismissive. This situation was a far cry from fine as she looked away. He wished she would rage and lash out at him, not this quiet acceptance of suffering. Didn’t she feel safe enough to speak her mind and show all of her emotions with him?

“You don’t need to explain anything tonight. Take the time that you need, and know that I am here if you need me,” The sentiment was sincere, even if her voice felt empty as she continued to stare off into the corner. “But I think that it may be best for us to sleep in separate rooms. At least for a few days.” His breath shuddered, throat closing as he held back his own tears, but he nodded his agreement. He didn’t want to be separated from her, but understood why she wanted some space.

“Do-” He cleared his throat. “Do you want the tonic then?” He fiddled with one of the rings on his hand. He sent a shadow to collect the bottle from the spot he kept it stored.

“Yes,” Her tone wavered. “I can mix it though. You should get some rest.” The bright clinking of the bottle hitting the table was deafening in the now quiet dining room. Ruhn watched in silence as she uncorked her liquid salvation, splashing a few drops into the rest of her wine. He didn’t stop her. Her gaze remained averted, fingers gracefully lingering on the stem of the clear glass. He moved to get a better look at her.

“(Y/N),” His voice died in his throat at the emptiness he found in her gaze. She shifted her face ever further away, a clear indication that their conversation for the evening was over.

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie

@fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion

@randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

@jpgtae @cheneyq @morganwdarius @latinxbipride @catharticlovewriter

#acotar x reader #crescent city x reader #azriel x reader #lucien x reader #lucien vanserra x reader #ruhn x reader #lucien vanserra x plus size reader #azriel x plus size reader #ruhn danaan x plus size reader #ruhn danaan x reader #bhinfic #acotar smut #lucien vanserra smut

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satureja13 · 2 months ago

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The Meteorites in a (coco) nutshell

In this chapter, the meteorites play a bigger role again and since it's already one and a half years ago since the Boys found them, I thought I'd make a quick heads-up in chronological order:

The Boys found the meteorites at the Invisible Farm in Chestnut Ridge. Martha, the owner, told them the impact caused the farm to become invisible. (She had the valid hunch that supernatural creatures could be able to see the farm and she was right. And so she hired the Boys as ranch hands.)

The meteorites reacted and started to glow whenever Vlad or Ji Ho were near. Kiyoshi meditated near the meteorites to find out more and he could hear Martha's horses (they had completely vanished after the impact) and Sai had the idea to let Ji Ho and Vlad do their 'bond magic' (when Vlad and Ji Ho concentrate and touch/woohoo, 'bond magic' happens) to enhance the reaction and find out if the meteorites could help them to rescue the horses.

There was something happening between Ji Ho and Vlad but they didn't notice any other effects - and no horses. But when Jeb went jogging the next day, he found a portal! So there was an effect, just somewhere else ^^' They went through the portal one after the other but they all ended up in different places in the Otherworld. To the places where each of them found a horse. (The links to how they found the horses are in my pinned post -> here)

Martha's goats, who joined them, were able to engage a magical link between them and the horses and shared their form with the horses so they (who were quite happy in the Otherworld) agreed to return to the mundane world every now and then. Later, Martha agreed to leave the Horses and the goats (she was quite happy to get rid of the goats ^^') with the Boys because she was so thankful they brought back the farm. (That's where the Little Goats come from and how the horses joined the Boys.)

So there we learned that the meteorites were capable of sending the Boys to the Otherworld. Rubyn was eager to research the meteorites and made some tests to explore further applications for them. Only supernaturals are able to travel to the Otherworld and only for a short amount of time, so these meteorites could be of great value for the Boys.

Helping Rubyn with the research, Ji Ho found an entry about a certain Professor Callahan who predicted the crash of a meteorite pair in Chestnut Ridge over a hundred years ago! They found out that the last whereabouts of Professor Callahan were in Selvadorada and so the Boys and Rubyn went on an expedition to find out more. After a few weeks and many riddles, they discovered a huge cave with a ship!

There were pedestals for the meteorites! One on the ship and one in the cave ö.ö So even though Future Jeb warned them to separate, (in a message they found at a temple (where they also found Tiny Can)) they decided to place the meteorites on the pedestals. Vlad, Jeb, Saiwa, Tiny Can and Jack went on the Ship with Vlad's meteorite and Ji Ho and Rubyn stayed in the cave with Ji Ho's. (Kiyoshi was still in the tree by then).

The ship teleported the four of them to another cave in Otherworld's Tomarang, where they later fixer-upped the run down lot above the cave into their crappy happy home.

With Vlad being stuck in the Otherworld, the Vampires in the mundane world thought it would be a good opportunity to claim unprotected Ji Ho for themselves. Vlad sensed the danger through the bond and he and Jeb left the Otherworld to rescue him - and got lost... (They only had one of the meteorites and couldn't teleport without the other so Jeb had used his ability to travel between worlds. It was worth a try...)

Vlad had left his meteorite with Jack and Sai should Rubyn find a way to bring them back, and really, suddenly it started to glow! They brought it down to the ship to try their luck - and it took them to Britechester, where Ji Ho and Rubyn waited for them! They'd set up the pedestals from the cave in Selvadorada! (They united with Jeb and Vlad at Ji Ho and Caleb's wedding but that's another story ^^')

Later, Rubyn invented smaller devices with pieces of the meteorites in them to enable the Boys to travel to the Otherworld and back without the pedestals. Kiyoshi had joined them again a few days before and so they could travel all together back to their home in the Otherworld!

A few months later, Greg pimped their TukTuk with pieces of Rubyn's devices and the meteorites so they could travel comfortable from the Otherworld to the mundane worlds.

While helping Rubyn with her research for the teleport devices, Jack found a strange book in the old library in Windenburg.

It was called 'Escape from Batuu' and it told the story of Val and Jino. These two lovers, who swore each other everlasting love and even promised to find and love each other in their next lives, had to leave Batuu, got hunted by the First Order and experienced thrilling space adventures with their friends - hence the book.

After Val and Jino lived a very happy life full of love, they eventually died of old age, and their friends shot their urns into space, where they continued their journey together. Eons later, their urnes had transformed into meteorites. They crashed down at a farm in Chestnut Ridge the very day Vlad and Ji Ho met for the first time at Choongang Highschool in Copperdale end of July 2022... ö.Ö'

#underwater love #piglets in space #meteorites #sims 4 #sims 4 story #simblr #ts4 #sims 4 vanilla #woo ji ho #jack callahan #vladimir tepesz #giga byte #jeb harris #kiyoshi ito #saiwa #rubyn

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twisted-wonderland-shenanigans · 2 years ago

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Okay, either the scientist knew she was preggo or they just thought she was going through hormonal changes or whatever, there is NO WAY CROWLEY DOESNT KNOW THE HUMAN IS PREGGO.

Also, how much should I bet that Cater is just going to keep the whole world updated with every single DETAIL.

Oh, Lilia is going to have a FIELD DAY WHEN THE BABY IS BORN, same for Trein, he’s probably going to love it.

Referring to this fic snippet here:

Okay, to be fair, I forgot to mention that the events take place shortly after Yuu's arrival. Probably between chapter 2 and 3 given the timeline we have, which puts it at about...two, three weeks after the prologue and shortly after Riddle and Leona overblot.

As for the scientists/researchers, while logically speaking they would immediately jump at the chance to come to the island to start their studies, they first had to make sure these pictures circulating on Cater’s Magicam posts were legit first. Once it is established through a video or two that was posted, that's when they reach out to Crowley to make the arrangements!

And they actually arrive a week after the pregnancy announcement, so you can bet that they are very eager to get some studying done as quick as possible! 😂

As for the staff not realizing that fem!Yuu is pregnant, they are aware of what a pregnant monster's scent is like for sure. But because there hadn't been a human in centuries, even if Crowley was old enough to have been around humans, it's not like he remembers the scent off the top of his head! The staff would all essentially be like those confused cats and dogs trying to figure out what this strange bump is and why their human smells funny before instinctively feeling protective.

Can you just imagine Crowley building a nest for Yuu without realizing just *why* he was doing it in the first place? Or the blank stare he'd give the moment someone asked him like, "...why am I doing this??" and it only becomes clear shortly after the announcement, in which he tries to pretend he knew all along 😂

I'm also reminded of this one post where OP's cat had had multiple litters in the past and was so excited when OP got pregnant that the kitty kept trying to show her to the nest she made for OP's "kitten", and it was the sweetest thing I'd ever read 🥹

Anyway, you can bet your bottom madol that Cater will absolutely be keeping EVERYONE updated on Magicam throughout the whole process, and he is getting flooded with baby picture requests 🤣 It's also sweet how mothers come across the posts and try to offer advice that they'd learned on raising their kids, which is nice, though not all of the advice would really be practical based on species 😅 But at least they're sweet enough to offer that and words of encouragement! I can even see some inviting Yuu to a mother's support group meeting ;;v;;

You can also bet that Yuu will be receiving a lot of baby shower gifts and such from Cater’s followers. At least they don't have to worry about needing to buy diapers for a while! 🤣

Ooooooh yes, Lilia is going to be ecstatic to be able to hold and care for a baby again! He will offer to help watch over the little one (hadn't decided on a gender or name yet for the new baby) so Yuu can take a break, though don't worry about him trying to feed the baby his cooking. He learned and knows that milk is important for the baby, so he makes sure to have the bottles readily available even at Diasomnia~ (though Silver and the others make sure to keep an eye on him when it comes to feeding time just to be on the safe side)

Trein has already raised two daughters, and while he may not be interested in raising another, that's not to say he won't wind up spoiling the little human baby like any grandparent would! He'll also offer a shoulder for fem!Yuu to lean on and reassure her that she's doing a great job as a mother ;;v;;

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland monster au #twst monster au #faun speaks #fem!yuu

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chahnniesroom · 1 year ago

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tenderness | chapter 9: a time to learn

[noun] /ˈtendərnəs/

1. the quality of being gentle, kind, or loving

2. the feeling of pain, aching, or soreness

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in a world where soulmates are rare and precious, you don’t know why the universe has decided to give you one. you never could have imagined that they would be an idol, and one that you worked with at that, or the challenges that would arise from your bond.

chapter word count: 6.8k

chapter warnings: injury recovery, lots of emotions happening

a/n: no words can describe how difficult this chapter was to write haha i apologise for some of the transitions between scenes and also for the fact that i did not proofread more than a cursory skim.

i am not a doctor and i did minimal research on anything medical related

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter | read it on ao3

Chan’s not a doctor and he’s never wanted to be one. But the longer that he spends in the hospital, the more he wishes there was something he could do to help. He knows that in a way, his presence is helping. The doctor tells him that for injuries, a soulmate bond is actually beneficial because sufficient Charge can increase healing times.

The doctor also explains that the more serious injury is the initial stab wound. The blade had damaged Y/n’s liver, which had required surgery and now demands constant monitoring. It was the main reason that Y/n would have to stay in the hospital for an extended period of time. While the second wound was larger and required more stitches, it was fairly shallow and was expected to heal without any issues.

As expected, there’s various bruises from the fall, but what surprises Chan is that he’s told Y/n is suffering from a mild concussion. When he had watched the footage that he had saved from social media, he could see that Y/n may have hit her head, but it hadn’t seemed that hard.

It means that Chan hasn’t left the hospital yet. It doesn’t really help that Y/n was specifically brought to the hospital that her father owns and that she’s situated in one of the nicest rooms available. With a large private bathroom, a separate room that has a few couches and low tables to entertain guests, and a large bed that’s almost more comfortable than the one Chan has at home, there’s no reason to leave. Yonghwan has been going back to the dorms to collect clothes and other personal items, like Chan’s laptop and some equipment. After a few days, the boys are allowed to visit too, although only in small groups and for short periods of time.

Chan kind of hates the medications that Y/n is put on. He knows that she needs them to deal with the pain, to protect her from infection, it's just difficult to witness how they make her woozy and extremely tired, drifting in and out of consciousness. When she is awake, her thoughts are scattered, she can’t concentrate for long periods of time, and she spends most of the time watching Chan as he works or dozing.

It's a relief when she's finally weaned off of the ones that have the worst side effects.

Although she gets her phone back pretty soon after waking, Y/n doesn’t really touch it until her doctor lets her know that her concussion has healed and she’s been cleared to look at screens without any limitations. Chan has helped her with messaging some of her friends and family, but she seems pleased to have full access to her phone again. Chan leaves her to catch up on everything, taking out his laptop and opening up a track that he’s been trying half-heartedly to finish a first draft of.

He gets pulled away from his work a couple hours later when Y/n calls his name. She’s biting at her lip and staring with a furrowed brow at something on her phone. He immediately sets aside his laptop and turns to face her, trying not to worry.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Did you- I saw-” Y/n takes a second to gather herself and then flips her phone to show him what she’s looking at. It’s a Twitter fanpage, dedicated to Chan’s Bubble subscription. The last tweets are the updates to his profile picture, background photo, name, and status.

He did it in a fit of anger, knowing it was about as much as he could do without getting in trouble with the company. He wouldn’t dare send any messages about the incident, especially ones that could be twisted the wrong way and end up hurting Y/n, but he couldn’t just sit and pretend everything was okay.

So he deleted it all. Or, rather as much as he could. Replacing the pictures with solid black, leaving the status line empty. He didn’t have as much freedom with his name, but left it as “찬“ and nothing more. He hadn’t sent anything since then, either.

The other members hadn’t changed anything on their profile, but they too had been subdued in their messaging. The first couple of days, they did nothing. After that, Changbin, Jisung, and Felix joined Chan in the continued radio silence. Hyunjin had sent pictures of the sunset, when it was Y/n’s favourite time of the day and the clouds were painted pink against the blue background of the sky. Minho, Seungmin, and Jeongin had messaged only a couple times since then, reminders for Stays to eat well, get lots of rest, and stay safe.

There hadn’t been an official statement released by the company, but news of the incident had spread like wildfire.

“And yesterday was Sunday,” Y/n says slowly. “You were here the whole time, what about Channie’s Room?”

“What about it?”

“You didn’t do it?” When Chan just shrugs in response, Y/n’s brow creases like she’s trying to figure out some sort of puzzle. “What? But you… You always do it. Did the company tell you that you can't?”

“No, they didn't have to. I already let them know I wasn't going to."

"Then why?"

“I didn’t want to. I don’t want to,” Chan says sullenly, even though the explanation makes him feel like a toddler who doesn’t want to share their toys.

“What do you mean? It’s- You promised Stays! Here you can go now, just go to your studio and do a short live. If this is some sort of roundabout punishment for what happened-”

“I don’t want to,” Chan repeats. “All they’re going to do is spam the chat with questions about what happened. I don’t want to deal with that and honestly I don’t know if I can go through that without blowing up on them.”

"But-"

"Is it really so hard to believe that I have had other priorities the past few days? That I don't want to have to pretend that everything is okay?"

Y/n seems to soften at that. Chan reaches out and he catches her hand in his, mindful of the tape and IV that’s attached to it. The Charge warms between them.

“No, no, I’m sorry. It’s-” she hesitates for a moment. “I’m glad that you’re taking a break. Sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you.”

“You weren’t. Everything that I’m doing, it’s my decision. I know everything has been pretty overwhelming lately, but you’re-”

Before he can finish, the door to their room slides open and a nurse steps in to serve them dinner.

“What were you going to say?” Y/n asks once they’re alone again.

“I don’t remember anymore,” Chan lies. “So it probably wasn’t that important. Let’s eat.”

Chan’s almost glad for the interruption. The moment is gone now and Chan’s just now realising that he has no idea how Y/n would react if he had said what he wanted. That she was his biggest priority right now. That he cares about her. That he would do anything for her.

He’ll do that later, when they’re at home. When everything has calmed down.

—

Chan wakes to the loud smack of someone’s hand against a table. His face is burrowed into the soft fabric covering Y/n’s shoulder, his arm is wrapped around her waist, and the whole length of his body relaxed by the warm thrum of the Charge. He cracks open one eye and, after seeing that neither Y/n nor Eunsung, who was the source of the noise, have seemed to notice, quickly closes it to feign sleep.

When Eunsung speaks, his tone is exasperated, like he’s had this conversation multiple times before.

“Are you even listening to yourself? You can’t keep doing this. You have to talk to him about it,” he insists. “The doctor said you have acute fatigue and the only reason it’s getting better is because the two of you are practically glued together right now. The second that he starts going back to schedules, it’s going to be the same as it was before.”

“I was doing fine before,” Y/n defends herself. “Things just got so busy with all the concerts, I forgot to eat enough. As long as I make sure that I’m getting enough calories, it makes up for the Charge. I promise, I'll make sure to take better care of myself."

Chan has no clue what they’re talking about. Acute fatigue? Y/n not eating enough? Chan hasn’t heard anything on these before.

"I don't think you understand. It's not about you doing things to take better care of yourself, it's about him not letting you take care of yourself. If you Charged for at least 6 hours a day then you wouldn't have to worry about eating more than you used to. You shouldn't have to be making up for anything," Eunsung argues.

"Listen, Eunsung-oppa," she says. "I know you're saying this because you're concerned, but I know what I'm doing. This is… This is bigger than just Chan-ssi and I. He's not just my soulmate, he's the leader of Stray Kids, a producer for 3RACHA. It's- The work that he does- What I see on Twitter, the comments on Youtube, the posts on community. He has the power to reach so many people and make lives better. And he does. He’s such a good person. How can I do anything but support him in any way I can? Even if that means letting him push himself without stepping in, then I'll do it. I trust that he knows his own limits."

“And if that means him ignoring your limits?”

“Eunsung-oppa-” Y/n protests.

"You've talked to him about it," Eunsung interrupts her, clearly able to read something in her tone of voice.

"Yeah, I- I understand how you feel, being on that side of it. I thought that I could convince him, but it turns out that he convinced me instead."

"But the conversation you were having, it was about him taking care of himself instead of you prioritising your needs, wasn't it?" he presses. Y/n confirms, but it sounds reluctant.

“He didn’t want to hear it. He was… I don’t know. I don’t want to say what he said to me.”

“And he never brought it up again?”

“He did, kind of. He said sorry the next day. And I know he’s sorry. I know some of the things that he said were just in the heat of the moment. I get it, I really do. He was stressed, tired, we probably weren’t getting enough Charge, even then. But… It hurt. What he said,” Y/n says, her voice small. “What he really meant. It still hurts a little, every time I think about it. Every time I see him.”

"Sometimes you two are too similar. You’re both just pretending you’re fine, but you’re not. I know Chan, maybe not as well as you, but in a different way. He’s not the type to just let this type of thing slide. As much as I hate him right now for making you hurt, if he doesn’t know that you’re hurting, then there’s no way that things will be fixed. I think you need to talk again, if he cares about you at all then he wouldn't just let this go."

"I think you're overestimating our relationship a bit."

"What? Even after the past few months, you guys aren't close?"

“I’m not delusional, I never had fantasies of us immediately falling in love like in the movies or shows, I just,” she shrugs with the shoulder the Chan wasn’t curled up against. “I don’t know, I just thought that we could be friends or something.”

“You wouldn't even consider yourself to be friends?” Eunsung says in a low voice.

“Actually, at one point I did think we were friends… or maybe more,” Y/n admits with a hollow laugh. “I was wrong. His attitude keeps changing, I can’t keep track of it. One second he’s annoyed at me for nagging him and the next he’s carrying me to bed because I fell asleep on the couch. But wherever we’re arguing, it feels like it’s always my fault. And I know, I know that I’m hard to be around. It’s just hard. The moments of… care, they were an illusion. It was all fake, like kids playing house. He can tolerate me of course, but in the end, I'm just someone he works with.”

"You don't think that if he were to hear what you're saying, he would be sad?" Eunsung asks. Y/n stays silent for a while.

“I don't know. What he said to me. I thought a lot about it. I- I want to make his life better, but I think… I think I make it worse. I don’t understand why we’re soulmates, I can think of a million people who would be better for him than me,” she finally confesses, voice sounding wet.

Eunsung shifts forward, but before he can speak, a nurse knocks on the door and lets herself in. It’s enough noise that Chan takes it as an opportunity to pretend to wake up. When Y/n notices, she looks back towards the nurse and quickly sits up straighter so that Chan's arm naturally falls away from where it’s wrapped around her.

“I think you should go to the company, Chan-ssi,” Y/n suggests after the nurse has finished redressing her wound and has left. Her voice is back to normal, upbeat even, and if Chan hadn't been awake then he wouldn't have been able to tell she had just been in a heavy conversation. It’s scary how easily she can mask her emotions. “I don’t want you to fall behind because of all the time you’ve been spending here. Eunsung is already heading there, he can give you a ride.”

“What am I, a chauffeur?” Eunsung mutters, but he stands up and gathers his things without waiting for an answer. “Come on, let’s go.”

Normally, Chan would protest being ordered around, but at this point he’s just grateful to have some space to process what he just heard. He knows that Minho and Jisung were planning to visit soon and that Felix would be dropping by shortly after, so at least he feels somewhat comfortable leaving Y/n alone. He feels lightheaded and… bad in a way that he can’t describe. It's different than when he first found out that Y/n was hurt. Now it's almost like he’s dissociating, but worse because having an out-of-body experience would be better than the heavy press of emotions that he feels now. It’s clogging up his airways and all he can do is focus on following Eunsung out of the room.

Chan hasn’t had many opportunities to interact with Eunsung, but he knows for sure that they were never as tense as they are right now. It’s understandable though, after what he just heard. When Chan starts toward the lane where he usually gets picked up and dropped off, Eunsung instead steers him toward the parkade.

“This way, superstar. Unlike you, I actually have the freedom to drive myself.” Chan barely notices the thinly veiled jab, he’s still reeling from the conversation. He can’t think of a comeback and really, doesn’t feel like he deserves to give a rebuttal.

When they finally stop in front of a car, Chan catches himself right before reaching for the back car door instead of the one to sit shotgun.

The pair sit in silence for the first half of the ride, until Eunsung finally speaks up.

“You know, you don’t deserve her,” Eunsung says, eyes trained on the road ahead.

“And you do?” Chan fires back, thinking of all the rumours he’s heard from the rest of the staff, the giggles he hears whenever Eunsung interacts with Y/n. Although his guilt is creeping up and clouding his thoughts, his first instincts are to feel defensive.

Y/n is his soulmate, not Eunsung’s.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, I’ve seen how close the two of you are.” He tries hard to not sound too accusatory, but instead his words come out as overly bitter.

"Yeah, we're friends."

"And is that all you want to be?"

In response, Eunsung just laughs incredulously. “What? Even you thought- You think that I like Y/n? I’m-” He can’t even finish his thoughts before he starts to laugh again. “Of course I like her, but she’s like a sister to me.”

“Of course you would say that-”

“I’m married, Chan."

"What?" Chan exclaims. "But, but everyone was saying you- I thought- Who are you married to?"

"Saerom. I've definitely mentioned her before, I know for sure that Y/n has too."

“Oh,” he says dumbly, “I thought- I thought Saerom was the name of your dog.”

"What?!" Eunsung turns to gape at Chan.

“How was I supposed to know? You said you have to take her on walks otherwise she gets too restless, you talk about buying her treats! You said she doesn’t like it when you’re travelling for too long, it sounds like how Berry gets when the family goes on vacation. Just because she has a human name doesn't mean she is a human. I've never seen a picture of her either."

“Oh, I cannot wait to tell Y/n about this.” Eunsung continues to laugh while Chan hides his face in his hands. His cheeks feel like they’re on fire. He’s relieved that Eunsung isn’t secretly in love with Y/n but also mortified that he thought his wife was a dog. At this point, opening the car door and flinging himself out doesn’t sound like a bad idea to get himself out of this conversation.

“You don’t wear a ring,” he says, probably digging himself further into the hole he’s currently in.

In response, Eunsung hooks a finger under the collar of his shirt and pulls out a chain, a ring dangling on the end of it. They turn into the company parking lot and Eunsung kills the engine, turning to face Chan directly.

“Chan-ssi,” he says seriously. “I know that there are rumours about a relationship between Y/n and I. She knows about them too. I’m not deaf to the chatter or the way they react when we’re together. Just, is it really so bad if people suspect that the two of us are soulmates? And I’m not saying this because I enjoy all the rumours. It’s because I know that they mask any sort of interactions that you have with her. If any other staff finds out that you’ve been visiting her in the hospital, they wouldn’t think anything of it other than you being concerned because she’s a manager and you were right there when it happened.”

Even though Chan doesn’t like the idea, he knows that Eunsung is right. It’s safer this way. He just has to get used to swallowing the possessive part of him that wants to publicly declare his soulmate bond. He can do this if it means protecting Y/n.

“You’re right,” Chan says quietly.

“I know all of this must be hard for you and even harder if you didn��t know about Saerom. Just know, we’d never do anything outside of being friends, I promise. If you don’t trust me, then at least trust Y/n. And,” he hesitates for a moment. “I know you heard our conversation earlier.”

“What?”

“I saw when you woke up. You’re not as good of an actor as you think you are, but luckily for you, I don’t think Y/n noticed.”

“I- I really messed things up, didn’t I?” Chan says, feeling defeated.

“I’ll be honest, it’s going to be difficult, fixing your relationship. Y/n is very independent. It’s definitely one of her strengths, but it’s also a big weakness. She doesn’t ask for help, even if she needs it and she’s very hard on herself. You know her family, she’s used to doing things on her own. She’s trying her best with this whole soulmate situation and she was really opening up. She trusted you.”

The past tense in his sentence shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

“You hurt her,” Eunsung continues. “But I know Y/n will forgive you. She cares about you, a lot. If it wasn’t obvious by… everything that has happened so far. You just have to talk to her.”

“I- Thank you, Eunsung,” Chan finally says. “Thank you for being there for her, for helping with all of… this. I’m sorry.”

“You’re a good person, Chan-ssi. I want things to work out between the two of you.” Abruptly, Eunsung’s tone hardens. “But if you make a habit of hurting her, just know that sasaengs will be the least of your worries.”

—

Chan forces himself to try and be productive for at least an hour in his studio before resigning himself to the reality that he wouldn’t be able to get anything done with how distracted he is. He spends the whole time wishing that he was back at the hospital.

Right as he’s about to call it a day, Jisung- who has just arrived after visiting Y/n and assures him that she’s still doing okay- and Changbin join him. They’ve actually been getting work done in the past few days and quickly run through the progress that they’ve made. Even with their presence, Chan’s attention span is practically non-existent. Everything seems to remind him of Y/n.

He ends up staying until the sun starts to set. When Changbin and Jisung start to discuss dinner options, he takes the opportunity to pack up his things.

“Hyung, are you not joining us?” Changbin asks.

“Sorry-” Chan starts saying.

“Hyung just wants to go and see Y/n again. He doesn’t care about us anymore,” Jisung whines playfully.

“That’s not true!” Chan says indignantly.

“You don’t have to lie, just make it up to us.”

“Anything,” Chan agrees.

“Have dinner back at the dorms with us tomorrow,” Jisung says instantly. “You need to bring new clothes to the hospital anyway, you can save Yonghwan-hyung a trip this way.”

Chan realises this was his plan all along and reluctantly agrees. Logically, he knows that nothing will happen to Y/n while he’s away, he just feels better being able to see it with his own eyes.

—

When he gets back to the hospital, he’s surprised to find Y/n just staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She doesn’t react to the sound of the door opening or Chan’s greeting while he had closed it again. He approaches her cautiously, afraid of startling her, but still manages to make her jump when he gets into her field of vision.

“Oh!” she says breathlessly, putting a hand to her chest. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were back.” She automatically smiles at him.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, just had a weird day,” she says in that same strange voice she had back in Japan. Chan is starting to realise it means that she’s hiding something.

“Y/n-”

“Maybe it’s just because you were gone. Not to be clingy or anything, I’m glad that you were finally able to go to the company and get some real work done, but I’ve gotten used to having you attached to my side,” she jokes. It’d be convincing if her voice was more steady, if her smile reached her eyes.

“Uhm,” Chan says, not quite sure if he should pursue the topic further or go along with Y/n’s attempt to gloss over it. “I’m sorry, I promised that I’d go back for dinner tomorrow.”

Y/n rolls her eyes at that. “You don’t have to apologise for that! I’m glad that you’re finally getting to see them after being cooped up here. They're your family, you have to spend time with them.”

“I wasn’t forced to stay here though! I want to be here, I want to be with you. You're my family too,” Chan says earnestly.

Y/n's lips press tightly together at that and she breaks eye contact.

“How about this, Eunsung-oppa was planning to come by tomorrow sometime anyway. He said that he’d bring me some non-hospital food and I couldn’t say no,” she says instead of responding to Chan’s comment. “Felix wanted to come by again too, so you can go home at the same time as him. I’ll tell Eunsung-oppa to come by around dinnertime so you don’t feel like you’re leaving me behind, is that okay?”

“Okay, but promise me that if anything happens then just call me and I’ll come back.”

“I promise.”

—

Dinner with the members is rowdy as usual, maybe even moreso. Chan doesn’t think much of it, happy to have a distraction from his thoughts, until he takes a second too long to respond to someone and catches a couple of concerned glances. He realises that the boys are being overly rambunctious to keep him present. It warms his heart and makes him feel guilty at the same time.

After eating, Jisung slumps onto the couch, stretching out so that his feet hang over the side. Chan joins him, smothering him in affection before he leaves for the night. He knows that Jisung has been more anxious than usual these past few days and although he wishes he could do more to help him, his biggest priority at the moment is Y/n.

“Minho-hyung and I met Y/n’s family yesterday,” Jisung says, voice muffled from being pressed against Chan.

Chan bolts upright, accidentally elbowing Jisung in the process, forcing a groan out of him.

“What? When?” he demands. His mind is racing, finally able to sort out Y/n’s strange behaviour when he had last seen her.

“I forgot to mention it at the studio, but when I was visiting, they also showed up. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but they seemed alright.”

“Just alright?” Chan prompts him, trying to calm his heart rate which has spiked.

“Uhm, I mean her parents were very… polite. They spoke to Y/n privately so I just met them briefly.”

“Where did you go?”

“Her brother, Siwon, I forgot he’s a doctor too. He took me to a private lounge they had, there weren’t any people around which was good. He seemed nice, concerned about Y/n.”

“Well not that concerned,” Chan mutters darkly, “since he didn’t even bother to visit until yesterday.”

Jisung stares at him, clearly shocked by the sudden vitriol.

“Sorry,” Chan says, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up wildly. “It’s just been a lot these days, my emotions are everywhere.”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Jisung says cautiously. “It’s been a lot for all of us, but mostly you and Y/n.”

Chan hums in agreement, but still feels bad.

“You can go back now if you want,” Jisung prompts him.

“What? No, I-”

“I can tell you’re distracted,” he says. “Go, we’ll still be here when she’s better.”

Chan goes.

—

The route to the hospital and through the back entrance is becoming more familiar by now. Chan accidentally startles Y/n when he opens the door to her room, but her expression quickly settles to one of relief upon seeing him. Now that he’s looking closely, he can recognize the same, strained smile that he first saw at Chuseok.

She shuffles to the side of the bed and lifts the blankets so that Chan can sit beside her. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her closer.

“The boys all missed you,” he says in greeting. “Dinner wasn’t the same with just the eight of us.”

“Oh come on-”

“You’re part of us, now. I told you before. And-” Chan hesitates for a moment. “I heard that your parents visited.” Y/n stiffens for a second, before relaxing again.

“Ah, Jisungie, the little snitch,” she says, the fondness in her voice opposing her words. “Yes, they dropped by while you were away.”

“And?”

“Well, my eomoni was telling me that it was a sign that I should quit my job, get out of the industry, said I was stupid for getting between the sasaeng on you, the usual. But I got my abeoji to look over my files, when I asked he said that I can be released tomorrow!” she says excitedly, smiling so much that her eyes curve into crescents. “I get to go home!”

It’s clear that things with her parents didn’t go as well as Y/n is projecting, but Chan is too much of a coward to push more. Somehow that righteous anger that had filled him when he had talked to Jisung has been replaced with uncertainty. He doesn’t want to get into yet another disagreement with Y/n now that he knows what she truly thinks of him. Or rather, what she thinks that he thinks of her. He needs to focus on bringing them together instead of allowing them to drift further apart. He vows to bring this topic up another time, when things are better between them.

“That’s great!” he replies, but even as he says it, he can’t help the nervousness that starts to form in his stomach at the thought. He is happy that she’s been healing well and will definitely be reassured to have her back home, but until now, the hospital has served as a sort of protective bubble for Y/n, shielding her from the outside world. He has the irrational sense that keeping her here longer is the same as keeping her safe for longer.

—

“Bang Chan-nim?” The doctor that has been in charge of Y/n’s care steps into the room and glances at Y/n, who is busy packing away her things. All morning she’s been in a good mood, enthusiastically talking about what she plans to do once she’s back at the dorms. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Of course!” he replies. He tells himself that everything is alright, but can't stop himself from running his hands through his mess of hair, palms prickling with nerves.

The doctor leads Chan to his office and smiles at him gently, like he’s about to break some bad news and needs to make sure that Chan doesn’t also break. It makes things worse, Chan’s stomach starts to churn, his mind racing.

“This might be a difficult conversation, but you may already be aware.” The doctor starts slowly. “Y/n-nim works with idols, right? In the entertainment industry?”

“Yes,” Chan agrees, but he’s confused. Did someone leak the news of Y/n’s injuries? Is there a sasaeng that’s been visiting the hospital? He wants to pull out his phone and immediately call the company and force them to do more damage control, but the doctor continues.

“These days, there is a lot of pressure for young women, especially those who work with or follow idols, to fit into certain beauty standards.” Chan nods. He’s seen countless people destroy their bodies to try and lose more and more weight and knows how devastating it is, but he still doesn’t understand the point of this conversation.

“I’m concerned about Y/n-nim”-the doctor interrupts Chan’s thoughts-“When she came to the hospital, we were focused only on her injuries, but throughout her treatment, we have noticed that she is underweight. The testing that we’ve done tells us she has not been getting enough of what her body needs. Not getting enough food, not enough charge, and not enough rest. She's showing signs that she was becoming malnourished.

“It’s not uncommon to see those with soulmates, especially young women, take advantage of the bond, reducing charging time and saying that they will eat more instead. They often eat a normal amount so that it doesn’t concern anyone, but it’s not nearly enough to make up for the missing charge. Both of you have probably been more sensitive lately. It wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve also noticed yourself being irritable or having rapid mood changes these past few days."

Chan can't do anything but stare as the doctor pulls out a small packet of paper. His pulse roars in his ears and all he can feel is guilt, pooling in his stomach and creeping towards his extremities. He feels nauseous. This is his fault.

He thinks back to all the nights where he stayed in the studio, just a little bit longer to finish a track, sliding into bed to charge for only a few hours before they had to wake up. Of the extra meals, protein drinks, snacks he had consumed that he thought nothing of, too used to the varying diets of the rest of the members depending on their schedules and the ups and downs of bulking up or cutting calories. He’s used to the heaviness of his eyelids, the pounding headaches, and occasional dizziness that were the result of sleepless nights.

All these things he had taken in stride, forgetting that Y/n had been dealing with too. He had the luxury of being an idol, during schedules and tour, there was always breaks for food. But he had seen the way the managers and coordis had to run around, only eating when they had a couple minutes to spare.

He knows that he’s snapped at Y/n more than a few times, patience worn thin enough that at the end of the day he doesn’t have it in him for niceties. Of course, he had felt bad about it after the fact, but Y/n hadn’t seemed very phased by it and he had forgotten about it until the next time. It wouldn’t be the first time that stress made him more easily annoyed and ill-tempered, but now he realises why he seemed quicker to get caught up in his emotions.

The doctor continues talking, but Chan feels like he's underwater, the sound is muffled. This is his fault.

"Bang Chan-nim!" The doctor clasps one of Chan's hands in his and finally pulls his attention away from his self-loathing thoughts. "Are you okay? I know it can be a shock to find out, but don't feel bad. It's very common to be surprised, people are good at hiding things like this, even if you're close to them and I know that your bond is still relatively new. Luckily there are a lot of strategies we have to help your soulmate get more Charge, even if you both have busy schedules. Okay?"

"Okay," Chan replies weakly, he can barely focus on what’s being said, all he can think of is that he's the reason his soulmate is malnourished. And he didn't notice. That they think Y/n has an eating disorder, when it's him that has dictated the amount of charge that she gets. The doctor flips open the packet of papers and starts to highlight it.

"The most important thing right now is increasing Charging time. With Y/n-nim's injuries, her bedrest and all the time you two have spent charging have already been helping a lot. Take this recovery period as a time to build new habits and establish a routine that involves more skinship. I understand you two are busy, but I expect you try for at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep while charging, but more if possible. If you're both doing work on the computer, watching a show or movie, or eating, then sitting close enough to touch will help recharge without taking away from your regular activities. As you may already know, for the most efficient charging more skin-to-skin contact is recommended." He flips the front page back over and places the packet onto another, larger, stack of papers. "More details can be found here and this is the rest of Y/n-ssi's care instructions, prescriptions, and other information on soulmate bonds."

"Thank you so much," Chan says, automatically reaching out to accept all the papers.

"You're welcome. This must be very overwhelming, but Y/n-nim is healing quickly. Your bond is helping her recover much faster. We caught her malnutrition fairly early and expect that she'll be at normal energy levels within a few weeks. Don't feel guilty and try not to worry too much, Bang Chan-nim. Your bond is a good thing, not a bad one." The doctor smiles warmly, checking his watch and standing up. "Y/n-nim should be ready to be discharged now, let's go back to the room so that we don’t keep her waiting."

Chan follows the doctor back in a daze. Y/n is sitting on one of the chairs in her room, scrolling on her phone when they arrive. She brightens when they enter.

“Can we leave now?” she asks eagerly. Chan beelines to her side, reaching to hold her hand.

“Yes, everything has been sorted out now and Bang Chan-nim has all your care instructions. Please give us a call or come to visit if you have any questions or concerns at all,” the doctor says.

“Of course.”

“Looks like everything is ready to go. It was very nice to meet you both, although I wish it could have been under better circumstances. I hope that the rest of your recovery goes well, Y/n-nim, and please do not hesitate to contact us for anything.” With that, the doctor bows and leaves the room.

At the same moment, a nurse knocks on the doorframe as a greeting, pushing a wheelchair through the open door. Y/n’s smile fades when she sees it.

“Oh, no,” she says quickly. “I can walk, there’s no need for one of those.”

She turns to look at Chan for support, but he just shrugs helplessly. Secretly, he would feel better if she used it. After only a week in the hospital, she isn’t close to being fully recovered, even if she hides it well. He’s seen the slight grimaces when Y/n tries to shift positions and the way her face is lined with pain when she walks or has to stand straight for longer than a few minutes. If she pushes herself too much now, it’ll just extend the overall healing process.

“Really, I don’t need it,” she insists. “What was the point in all the walking practise? Besides, Chan-ssi and Yonghwan-ssi will be beside me, they won't let anything happen to me.”

The nurse looks sceptical, but agrees. Before they leave the room, Y/n twists her hand trying to break Chan’s grip.

“It’s too public,” she murmurs when he tightens his hold instead. “Just in case, I don’t want anyone to see anything that can be misinterpreted.”

Unable to think up an argument against that, Chan reluctantly lets go. Y/n hooks her arm with Yonghwan’s instead and they make their way out, Chan hovering behind them anxiously. They’re all wearing masks and hats and the car that’s going to pick them up is waiting at a private exit, but there’s a shared urgency in their movement. By now, the media has turned their attention to other stories, but with the radio silence from Stray Kids since the incident, fans have had nothing to do except theorise and wonder what’s happening behind the scenes.

He knows that it’s making him paranoid. He finds that he’s constantly looking over his shoulder when he’s in the hallways of the hospital. He’s never been more careful trying to cover up his appearance and avoid anybody who looks like they might recognise him.

They can’t risk the chance of a sighting of Y/n, especially now that her face was captured and shared on social media by fans before JYPE’s legal team was able to step in, and pictures of Chan with Y/n would make things much worse. There have already been rumours about how close Y/n is with all the members and who she is, using pictures from other schedules and events, somehow identifying her in blurred out clips from vlogs that have been posted, and even old footage from when she worked with Xdinary Heroes as evidence.

It scares Chan. Scares him so much that he can’t talk about it to anybody.

Although Y/n’s time in the hospital was fairly short, all things considered, Chan feels like he’s the one that has changed during this stay. Everything he has learned has made him feel like his chest has been opened up and his insides have been scooped out, leaving him hollowed out and unsteady.

When they finally get home safely, it feels like Chan can breathe easily for the first time in days.

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