#doesn't matter so long as we get it
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The dropout Community is crying out for "Oops! All-Bards", especially the ones who watch both D20 and Play It By Ear (which is a lot of us). For context, the idea is the party is (unsurprisingly) all bards or musical characters, the DM would probably be Brennan, or our good fella Ross Bryant. We have tons of options for a cast, including...
Zach Reino (We know he plays D&D, has appeared on Hello From the Magic Tavern)
Jess McKenna (She'd be a total newbie, which would be so fun to see, unless she's learned to play since Dungeons and Dating on Offbook, has appeared on Hello From the Magic Tavern. EDIT: Jess has learned to play dnd, how fun)
Ross Bryant (Long time player, DM, has appeared on Hello From the Magic Tavern)
Rashawn Nadine Scott (currently the lovely Viola on Burrow's end, is in a DND podcast which I unfortunately cannot remember the name of)
Jiavani (unaware of her D&D experience, a Play It By Ear regular, insanely funny inproviser)
Zeke Nicholson (unaware of his D&D experience, an Offbook & Play It By Ear regular)
Mano Agapion (If Ross DMs, then there's an open spot in the dome! Host of Play It By Ear, Unaware of his D&D Experience)
There's so much else you could do with a concept like this, if everyone's a different subclass, what if their characters are themed around different musicals? Or different genres of music? @samreich we're counting on you
Edit: Please give cast suggestions in the tags! Resident Horny Bisexual Theatre Kid grant got mentioned, and also once offbooker Lou Wilson, who was there for one of my favourite Offbook songs: "No thank you, Too Scary!" (Episode is 68. Monster Kids for those wondering)
The Full list of potential cast members:
Zach Reino
Jess McKenna
Ross Bryant
Brennan Lee Mulligan
Rashawn Nadine Scott
Jiavani
Zeke Nicholson
Grant Anthony O'Brien
Lou Wilson
Krystina Arielle
Sam Riegel
Liam O'Brien
#dimension 20#brennan lee mulligan#play it by ear#dropout#jess mckenna#zach reino#zeke nicholson#ross bryant#jiavani#rashawn nadine scott#rashawn scott#mano agapion#pibe#off book#zachary reino#I want Zach's Heathers character to meet Jess' Hairspray character#or smth like that#doesn't matter so long as we get it
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#insane choices being made 👀
Loki 1x04 // 2x02
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#loki spoilers#took me this long to recover from the 'and he knows' scene to gif it bc y'all what even was that 😭😭#how many more times can we get confirmation mobius will ALWAYS be there no matter what god i'm so unwell over them!!#and don't get me started on loki being able to confidently state mobius knows and accepts everything about them...#can you BELIEVE#(btw this doesn't matter but in my mind there's always clapping and cheering when mobius walks around the corner 😅)#loki s2 spoilers#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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I need to become a writer I just had the silliest idea
Okay so girls used to be the word for all children right? And Nightmare and Dream are Old and don't realise the meanings have changed, so imagine Cross one day trying to come out to Nightmare by saying how he "used to be a girl" and Nightmare responding "Well yes but that's no cause for guilt, we all were at some point" and accidentally giving Cross the impression that the entire gang is trans. And then every time he goes to one of the others and tries to subtly bring it up they think he's talking about something else and it keeps the bit going
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Nightmare Sans#Comedic misunderstandings I love you#I just want him sidling up to Killer while he's organising his jars of monster dust and souls and whatever#being like ''...so. ... how long ago did you...''#But Killer thinks he's talking about the jars so he's like ''oh around the time Nightmare picked me up''#''Oh. ...and he was. okay with that?'' ''yeah he doesn't care as long as I don't make a mess''#Also either at the start when he's talking to Nightmare or at the end I want him to get his gender affirmed#''We all were girls once (puts a hand on Cross's shoulder) but what matters is you are a man now. and a fine one I should add''#''Thank you boss ;-;''
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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Time & Space pages 1-2 ( This is the start || ao3 (not yet!) || next ) Starts less than 24 hours after the death of Willy Stampler. With the job done, there's finally time to sort some things out. They just need the right amount of space.
#dungeons and daddies#dndads#normal oak#henry oak#normal oak swallows garcia#dndads 2#fanart#kineticallyart#time & space#Coming at chu live from my first dance chaperone duty#Monkeys paw is not over btw! In case this made you nervous#I'll be doing both#Next 4 pages of mp already in the works#They're delicious you're gonna love them#Anyway canon didn't have the framework to peel apart the oaks like a surgeon with a grape#So here we go :)#Don't worry normal i gotchur happy ending#For you. Personally.#Anyway i don't have this planned quite as meticulously as mp#Plotwise#But the script doc is like 6k words long so there's gas in this tank#That said updates on this will be slower than on mp until mp ends#Getting mp done is still priority 1#Anyway (x2 combo)#Implied context here is that at the “Willy is dead and we saved the world” after party at the S-O-G's place#Normal kinda lost it#At who and what about doesn't really matter#No one's holding it against him#But the result is that they're not gonna let him pretend to be okay anymore#Normals done a lot of taking care of other people; time for other people to take care of him for a bit
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!
Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.
For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.
Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isn’t really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.
To make it easier, I’m gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.
During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.
In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. He’s very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isn’t to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though.
Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see he’s not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding “Hey that’s a throwing knife right? No that’s a dagger”
After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the maze’s agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, “So this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?” He’s already worried for everyone’s safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere that’s safe?
Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting “I think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.” He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oeca’s name, because at this point he can’t fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly can’t trust in him.
Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out “Owen.” and Owen replies with “yes sir”. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.
The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, “How many entrances are there to this maze?” After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.
Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. It’s not just Oeca getting hurt, it’s the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. “I broke my promise.” He also takes Apo’s word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didn’t pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.
When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. “Anyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attack”
“Anyone else that will, I will just cut down” are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohwee’s disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.
Owen then goes on to say “I’m not looking for violence” and “I'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)” he doesn't want people to think he’s dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.
Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. “My job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stage”
When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. “The only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that risk”
So we’ve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.
He knows it doesn’t work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owen’s protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, “They don’t get it,” because he knows people don’t trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people.
Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze it’s no wonder Owen becomes very violent.
“Ori I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. “
He doesn’t see himself to be super aggressive though “People think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like ‘oh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legs’ but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with that”
“I'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.”
When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like “Don't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.”
Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself “When I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrant” “you're not in control, who are you to say what happens?”
He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says “I'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be it”
Another note before this section ends is that it’s not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owen’s method of leadership.
Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk.
The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen.
So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. He’s nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust.
With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. He’s very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose.
Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. It’s mentioned in the early days, and it’s a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isn’t the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.
“You lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.”
You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apo’s punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did
- went into maze without group consent
- pulled the lever
- he lied
Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.
With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.
“What's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect them”
“Forget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.
From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.”
“How am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.”
Owen being viewed as soft has always been something he’s aware of. People tend to think because he’s kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if he’s emotional and kind we’ve seen before in early maze days he is not soft.
Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.
“To visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in it” - Owen about Apo
“The more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.”
"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's him”
Apo: Just give me a chance.
Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.
I’m not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he can’t be certain someone isn’t a threat.
With this change Owen does become more aware he isn’t the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first though
"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate" - Owen about Ash
This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but it’s not that out of character. If we look at every flashback he’s had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one he’s always wanted.
Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.
However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesn’t think so at this point.
His notebook btw
Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creature’s venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.
When Bek comes back he doesn’t hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says he’s not violent but anytime he feels like he’s in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soup’s basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie.
Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack.
Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.
Ori: what are you talking about?
Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same
At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all “Every Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyle” he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back.
So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people don’t listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but it’s a more solid character now.
When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust.
Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but it’s a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet he’ll still offer his protection to them. It’s because of this the ‘sudden’ shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience.
Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. It’s out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows it’s very unlikely he’ll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance.
When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesn’t hesitate to act the way he used to.
There’s lots of similarities to Owen here to the one we’ve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose
“I had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torch”
There’s an obvious difference here right? The man we’ve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasn’t changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But it’s important to note that this isn’t a completely new person, this isn’t something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen.
“I know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curse”
Apo: this isn't you you've changed
Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive.
Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing right?
Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one he’s done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isn’t just the maze and the occasional person, it’s demons.
The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didn’t fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didn’t understand until his village had been burned down.
One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasn’t as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat.
Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction it’s no wonder he kills Apo.
Despite this ‘massive personality change’ Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldn’t cause panic. He still cares about these people.
But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection
I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress he’s been under. Perhaps even guilt he’s been feeling.
Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading us… in there…
Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up.
Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they don’t listen. He knows people here aren’t good. He’s known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. That’s the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?
Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't.
Like before he won’t let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He can’t risk anything ruining his plans because he can’t afford to. He’s so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill.
Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhere
Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)
Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)
Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking
The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasn’t done anything wrong to him personally. She’s one of the few people that didn’t break his trust but he still kills her. Why?
First off he doesn’t see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way it’s enough for Owen to kill her. I’m sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking.
Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here
Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop.
Something that’s brought up when discussing the idea of ‘Maze Owen’ is the fact that we can see ‘glimpses’ of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesn’t die by keeping him away. Even if he’s aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as ‘Maze Owen’ slipped through. But It’s not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything we’ve seen.
Before ‘killing’ off Krow, Owen does say this “There's no escaping who you are” Which is really interesting since most characters he’s interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesn’t need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer.
When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group “I was protecting you all.” and “You don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.”
Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesn’t trust him anymore. They don’t believe his protection was needed. He’s told that he will not get out of this cell. He’s left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think.
We’ve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.
Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I
(Flash back ‘i was an archer.?’ ‘i was a hunter?’ I was a soldier)
“I was a tool. Used.”
He knows he’s going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says is
“So what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in two”
“So what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't me” flashback about Apo first coming up
“I can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My head…”
After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims “I hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those things” He pleads and cries. And he's desperate
Owen: “No magic it's me please.”
Magic: “You kill people owen”
Owen: “It wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.”
Owen: “Magic please don't go… no… magic. You can't do this.”
Magic: “I can and I am”
I think when we look at these final clips there’s a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He can’t understand why his friends don’t trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose.
Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. There’s no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there.
So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person.
So what am I talking about? The concept of ‘maze’ Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didn’t have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character.
'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.
To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.
He's always been capable of ‘evil’'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad.
Owen’s same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect.
The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.
In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"
It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.
Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.
Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.
Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesn’t make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.
Owen’s thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.
He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.
That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you can’t just take him out of it.
Going over everything you can access in Owen’s pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he won’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. He’s seen with a military mindset, people don’t want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.
Now let’s compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesn’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values we’ve seen throughout the series stay with him.
It’s one of the reasons why Owen can’t understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and that’s what he’s good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasn’t had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.
So let’s go back to the previous question: who was it there? You’re probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.
There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?
I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. There’s more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.
But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much.
In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?
When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.
So let's go over his death scene one more time. “My head it's split in two” I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says ‘I was a tool. Used’ I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.
It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.
The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. “I'm right here you can't convince me otherwise” He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.
“It wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safe” everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.
No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.
Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."
So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.
It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either.
My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong. Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?
#zara rambles#outsiders smp#outsiders smp spoilers#owengejuicetv#okay if you read this whole thing just know this was about 6k words sjdfhsd#i spent a looooong time writing this mainly cause i started in july got busy with school and continued it last week. along with rewatching#owens pov to get everything here. the original document with all my notes is like 12k long because cOwen looooves to talk#i'm open to other people's opinions obviously like i said i could be wrong but this is just how i see it based on the episodes we have on y#it's kinda unfair to expect people to know random knowledge buried deep in some 4 hour vod from 2 years ago so everything here is from yt#with the exception that one fighting cOri quote since Owen deleted that section from his yt series. but it was originally there#idk what else to say really. i'm not the biggest fan of the whole 'maze' owen thing as you can tell by this and many other posts of mine#i think its fine to call him that but you gotta understand there aren't actually 2 different people. thats the tldr#anyway ty for reading wish me luck when i post this on twitter#oh sorry for no videos tumblr hates those so you guys only got the quotes 😔 still the same stuff though so it doesn't really matter sjdjdj
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You know, I post a lot of horny content here but tbh the sexiest thing that's ever happened to me was the time I got embarrassed because I realized I'd already told my partner about this statue I love and they told me to tell them about it again because they like listening to me be excited
#i have memory issues and tend to repeat stories without realizing#and im used to people being kind of annoyed or ar least telling me Ive said something before#and with my family im used to them sort of tuning me out and just letting me get my excitement out of my system#but my partner actually listens and lets me be excited even when ive already told them something#and when i tell them about stuff that doesn't interest them they still try to remember details because it matters to *me*#and Im still getting used to that#also when we were talking about the statue i made a comment about how much i like sculptures and they said that they remembered that#because one time not long after we met I showed them a bunch of pictures from art museums Id seen and they were like. 80% statues#and id kinda blocked that from my memory because i was embarrassed and thought id been boring them#but they'd actually paid attention and retained all my excitement and some of the details i talked about#i just love them so much#and they make me feel loved#my post
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maybe im just dumb but what is the difference between kris p and kris t?
TL;DR - They are Kris Dreemurr fictives and we needed a way to differentiate them
Oh you're not dumb, don't worry! It really is a little confusing because we haven't talked about who they or we are in a very long time. I'm going to talk a lot here so you have all the context you might need! If it''s too long,, the TL;DR above is the gist of it.
For context, we are a system! You can read about it a little in our FAQ
Kris T and Kris P are TWO Kris introjects/fictives of Kris Dreemurr from Deltarune in our system.
Originally we just had Kris T who split in Dec 2018, and then when Chapter 2 came out, Kris P came into our system after that. Of course at first, Kris T. was just "Kris", but since we had a double now, we had to figure out how to differentiate between the two. We knew another Kris fictive from a different system at this time who was nicknamed P. Kris by Susie in our system, and susie wanted to emphasize who she was talking about.
SO. As a small nod to that, everyone decided to nickname Kris P as Kris P, as an inverse of P. Kris.
A little convoluted, I know!
Besides being Kris introjects/fictives though, they also look different! I made some new drawings to try and showcase their differences if that helps :3?
Their dark world forms also look different. Kris T's is simpler, with a shiny soft cape, while Kris P's is more complicated with a hooded cape, which is also described as "very comfortable"
Here's a whole Toyhouse of images of how Kris T. looks like right now! There's also his reference ! vvv
Sorry if you weren't interested in our "life story"! They're not just random characterizations (they are alters), so I wasn't sure how to answer w/o giving you some sort of explanation.
They have their own sideblogs, so if you have specific questions directed towards them, you can always ask here because we'll see it better, or you can send them an ask in their own blogs. Kris T's is @kristalpepsi, and Kris P's is @itswhattheycallyou
#ask#Anon#fictive#fictives#headspace#ebonytailsart#Because I drew something I guess???#Tumblr is going to be special because I think these images are going to be too haunted for Twitter and Instagram#Feel free to call Kris T. Kritty or Kris T.!#Please be nice to him. He is still a person and presents as trans and nonbinary both inside and when fronting#He just so happens to use binary pronouns.#This is all information they're willing to share publicly! Especially because this has all been public information since 2018 lol!#In regards to 'does this means I cant reblog art of them anymore or use their art as my icon/header?' you still can! It doesn't matter.#As long as the post itself doesn't say “do not use as...” then don't worry about it! :3#Being a system in public/ online and having UTDR fictives is actually rather terrifying. Susie is just very brave about it and doesn't care#Hm what else.. this really brings us back to ogeeitsme.. when people would ask us questions about our system a lot.#Like 'what's the difference between Chara's and Kris's eyes?" We drew a whole graph for that hehe#From Kit#If I get too scared I may delete this.
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"He's got his hands on our wheels, and we've got nowhere to go as a result."
#boonboomger#super sentai#bakuage sentai boonboomger#genba bureki#bun orange#madrex#charge team captain madrex#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#//long post#translation: over-time#subtitles added by me#boonboomger spoilers#anyways i have a lot of thoughts about this scene and you can read most of it on a previous set that i posted of the scene where genba is#reflecting on this interaction however i'll talk about madrex here#i think that his bond and care for his goons is so important not only to his character but to the plot as a whole i think this sense of#comradery and care between hashiliens will have an impact on their choices in the future and their individual fates#boonboomger focuses a lot on teamwork but also individuality in a way that all the relationships feel impactful in some way#with the hashiliens it feels like this sense of comradery is a big driving force for them not letting themselves lose#however it is also used against them as we can see through disrace suggesting making the three puppets which causes madrex's cover to be#blown as his care for them shows itself through him expressing signs of anger with the boonboomgers the comradery is a driving force but no#matter the obstacles they will get through it together there's a distinct difference in how the bonds are handled between the hashiliens &#the boonboomgers with the hashiliens it is silly but also a weapon used against them whereas the boonboomgers don't have a force like that#on their team as even if the isa works against them they're not a part of the boonboomgers' team and the boonboomgers are able to remain#solid due to their trust and belief in one another which isn't something that exists between all the hashiliens this is why genba is able#to get his wheel back but madrex isn't he doesn't have stability and disrace has too strong of a hold
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Heard Sonic Boom is 10 years old today so in its honour here's an edit of the Sonic Boom intro we all deserved
#sonic boom#sonic the hedgehog#alas..... had to get the. i think it's the French version of the intro? couldn't find the full one in English#not that it matters bc there was no dialogue only the text#i don't even remember if it's French actually i made this ages ago#listen i love sonic boom but the intro was just... not as good as the intro for every other sonic cartoon that came before it#truly it and we were robbed#especially when we had a perfectly good sonic boom song for it#(I'm sure there was probably some kind of legal issues reason they couldn’t use it. that doesn't stop me from Longing)#so i said fine i will do it myself#timing is a lil off but I'm too lazy to fix it so this is what we get#has someone already done this? undoubtedly. but i couldn’t find it so i made one myself#two cakes and all that jazz#oh look she speaks
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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tw // period mention, allusions to suicide + self harm
to my fellow selfshippers with pmdd:
your f/o loves you so much. they would do anything to help you get through any bad periods you might be dealing with.
they would be especially protective of you during this sensitive time of the month. if you asked, they would put away any sharp objects to keep you safe. they would bring out your safety plan, or if you don't have one, they'd help you make one, paying special attention to recognizing your triggers and finding what helps your unbearable mood swings feel more tolerable. personally, it helps me to visualize my future and look at comforting pictures to reinforce those goals, so imagine your f/o doing something like that with you-- if it helps, of course.
they wouldn't feel burdened by your intense emotions. they would try to remain in-tune with how you feel-- at least to the best of their ability. if you track your cycles, they would try to get involved, pointing out when you might start experiencing severe symptoms and helping you plan accordingly. they'd give you attention if you need it, and they'd give you space if that's what you prefer.
if you said something you don't mean, they wouldn't take it personally. they would gently accept your apologies and, if you're like me and you need these reminders, they would reassure you that your dark thoughts, your outbursts, your nightmares-- your symptoms-- do not define you.
on a lighter note, they would supply you with everything you need to satisfy your cravings and soothe your cramps. to them, your pmdd doesn't make you a worse person than any other period-haver. they would be glad to stick with you through the bad and the good. they love every part of you, not just those that they deem "easier to deal with." ♡
(pro/comship please do not interact. non-pmdders are free to reblog, but please do not derail the subject of this post!)
#self ship#self shipping#selfship community#self ship positivity#f/o imagines#fictional other#safeshipping#safeship community#pmdd#premenstrual dysphoric disorder#tw period#tw suicide#tw self harm#cw period#cw suicide#cw self harm#so to make a long story short. i stopped taking birth control bc i got really sick and it landed me in the hospital#i was planning to stop taking it anyways bc i figured it wasn't helping. well. two months later and i'm having the worst episode i've had#since maybe early last year or the year before?#it's horrible. i wouldn't wish pmdd on my worst enemy. i felt like i was being possessed by a fucking demon.#i genuinely felt like i was experiencing a mental breakdown today. and it sucks because i really thought i was getting better.#so now it's a matter of either getting back on birth control and living with chronic pancreatitis or just sucking it up and hoping i don't#get to a point where i make an attempt.#this is so fucking awful. i had a fucking panic attack because i thoroughly convinced myself that my mom died.#i'm sorry for going off in the tags. i don't see my therapist until tomorrow and i really don't know if i can make it until then#it doesn't help that this semester is already off to a bad start. one of my classes is already being canceled and i need it for one of my#programs.#anyways. fellow pmdders i love you and it sucks that we have to deal with this shit. i hope it gets better. i hope it gets better for us all
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and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.
#do you see the vision here <- guy who has a watch rate of one episode per month#oh the implications of scorpus not being there for tenax in his time of need... the death of the child who is not but is symbolically their#is that a separate fic completely yes but it is ALSO in some ways a divorce fic. tenax like i needed you but scorpus also needing him#OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY DO SAY FELIX WAS HIM and i can do SO much with the concept of a “stray”. oh please. please strays instead of rats#one knife to the ribs one fixed race one apartment board THAT'S A STORYLINE BABY RISE OR DIE THE ROMAN WAYYYYYY#i do see your calla/tenax storylines i do. i could be swayed but we are not here for that currently this is the same as the chariot racing#like i KNOW what i said about the gold faction representing everything that scares scorpus a dream he never thought they'd reach#and then to have it ripped away now he no longer even has the dream untarnished i do understand. which is why the “i'm disappointed”#kills me even MORE because it shows he gets it. like on some level he does understand why scorpus had to but it's his pride that's wounde#so to continue from what i WAS saying with:#sets the bar so low because how else would tenax love him (as if tenax would not do the same thing if he lost) and they have even MORE#questionable celebratory reward sex. yes i assigned scorpus a degradation/praise kink the world works in wondrous ways don't question it#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#tenax making sure to care for the kids is what's killing me too because i REALLY want to draw a parallel with scorpus making sure he takes#care of the prostitutes. yes he's a notorious hedonist yes he has a lot of sex but he always pays well doesn't he. over-well. he pays too#much and ends up in debt he pays enough to buy girls freedom. so that they only have to if they want to. it gets him a reputation sure AND#it gets whole houses of girls under his (and therefore tenax's) protection. you can't bruise her up; that's scorpus' favorite girl.#she can charge more for being favored. he can pay for massive parties where no one else is invited and if he falls asleep midway drunk#off his ass after a race the girls would never say. they still get paid. if tenax comes to watch and give instructions they'd never say.#if tenax tells them all to leave and it's just him and scorpus in the golden room and all the girls see before they shut the door#and latch it behind them is scorpus on his knees in the soft plush cushions with tenax offering him grapes one by one from his fingertips#like a favored concubine instead of the champion whose laurels are tilted on his head they won't say a word. not even when the noise#inside the room continues for long after the hour runs out the girls still stand watch until it's quiet and then crawl back in around where#scorpus is alone in the big wrecked bed with a smear of blood or wine on his mouth who could say. certainly they wouldn't.#no matter what they still get paid. whether they did the work to wreck him or not.#ANYWAY#they take care of the selves they couldn't protect is what i'm trying to say. for tenax it's the child he was/scorpus it's the body he sold#only he hasn't stopped having to sell it. & i guess as we're learning with the extortion tenax is still a child running from a burning hous
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Bujold: In a few generations there will be an entire planet full of telepathic men who hate women religiously.
Me: Elaborate on that
Bujold: No
#kat reads the vorkosigan saga#Ethan closing the book out with malpractice on a planetary scale#yeah let's give everyone on the planet experimental telepathy for kicks!#though I suppose if they're not overdosing on that one chemical it doesn't matter#life on Athos is portrayed very chill and nice as long as you do not let any of these people interact with women ever#and YET I struggle to believe that a religious separatist group founded in misogyny and obsession with sin#does not have other fucked up elements#beyond the whole having to earn social credits to get kids thing but beta colony also does that so it's not unique to them#like. we can assume what kinds of people the founding fathers were. that's gotta leave a societal mark
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Okay, here’s a question for you that my brain has randomly summoned: If Dream and Punz were experimenting with their own lives before the prison, why would it not show it in the video we get all about the Revival Book?
Because we didn't really need to know, tbh? Like, we really didn't. Most of what we know about c!Dream is always revealed at the latest possible moment: think the revive book, the staged finale, the vikk and lazar experiments, yes, and the Plan in entirety. There was reason to tell us that c!Dream and c!Punz had already tested the book after the prison break, because part of the question pre-staged finale reveal and pre-prison break was how much of c!Dream's ramblings about revival to c!Tommy were genuine, and the fact that he had tested the book before to some degree quite solidly confirms that all his whole "ooh now we know it works! now i can use you as a guinea pig to test revival mwahahaha" moment after reviving c!Tommy was for show and not genuine. On the other hand, we were still entirely in the dark on what c!Dream and c!Punz's goals were at the point of prison break, which iirc was around when that lore video came out. We really didn't need to know that they were testing the book on each other yet, especially because that reveal would only really hit the hardest in the finale where it was looped into the themes of self-destruction and self-sacrifice that followed c!clingy. Keeping that reveal until it'd actually mean something rather than just making it an earlier lore drop kept us guessing for longer and worked better for the story that was being told in those final four streams
#my asks !!#if we had that information earlier it would just be. information. like oh okay so he's fucked up ... we knew that already lowkey#but by placing that reveal alongside the c!clingy of it all it really highlights the c!tommy + c!dream parallels#and leads up to their moment of understanding which that. whole thing was building up to#the timeline doesn't actually matter that much imo i just think it makes more sense pre-prison than post-prison#but the fact that it happened /does/ matter to the conversation that c!tommy and c!dream had at the end#when it comes to c!dream lore the question is never 'why didn't they reveal this earlier' tbh#we never get early reveals in c!dream lore it's a staple of the story to keep things hidden for as long as possible#there's a reason why so much of what we know ends up having to be revised after the fact#even with stuff like. when were the blueprints put on the mountain. when was staged finale actually planned. etc#all revealed long after the relevant plotlines were like. done
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