#doesn’t give a damn!
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big al is literally that “i’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me” meme and i think that’s what every geriatric mercenary needs to aspire to
#oc txt.#c: alberta#i mean SHE IS A BAD BITCH#88 in show timeline and she’s still out here like i wish i bitch would 🤨#doesn’t give a damn!#her only weakness is her granddaughter 🥰 bc she loves her more than she’s loved anything or anyone#homegirl has been killing for caps since she was 25 and showed no signs of stopping until bethany got stuck in the middle#of some retaliation against her when she was 15#after that she was like I GUESS it’s time to hang it all up 😔✌️ … lol kidding 😝 i’ll break your legs#she doesn’t trust a single mf but they’ve done well in gecko springs and live just on the outskirts#run a little gecko farm#for the last fifteen or so years#she sits on the porch with er rifle all day and listens to her wind chimes while threatening to snipe jonas from ALL THE WAY back there#and she probably could tbh!#bethany is still like traumatized tho so she keeps to herself and tends to her geckos#keeps trying to domesticate them but it’s only worked once 💀#named him sugar bomb and he’s her best friend 💕🦎#big al forces het to go be an adult in town tho#get outta the house and live bith#not everyone has 400 lives like that old hag
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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i’m just gonna come out and say it
if luke comes back in a future book, i hope percy is taller than him now.
#like a good few inches taller#if you can’t relate to this thought process then keep on scrolling#call me toxic#call me petty#call me stupid#i don’t care#i know damn well that height doesn’t matter and doesn’t make one man better than another#it doesn’t represent dominance#percy is the better man because of his bravery and his loyalty and his unwavering goodness#but i’m so loyal to percy that literally anything that gives him any sort of edge over luke gives me satisfaction#LEAVE ME AND MY PETTINESS ALONE#unless you ageee#then please join the club#i swear to gods if even one person calls me toxic or says i’m encouraging double standards i WILL delete this app and im not bluffing#THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT#YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND#short kings i love you don’t even worry#this is between me and luke#and percy and luke#percy jackson#luke castellan#pjo#percabeth#heroes of olympus#percy jackson and the olympians#annabeth chase#rick riordan#riordanverse#pjo headcanons
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Mostly Hiring manager, but HR manager and PR manager too
#elden ring#elden ring varre#white mask varre#varre#white faced varre#tarnished#tarnished oc#varre x tarnished#tw; blood#suggestive#no jokes or humor this time sorry#just Varre being Varre#I know I usually stick to humor stuff but this clawed through my brain like an eldritch horror#I actually hate 5/11 Varre faces I drew here but I did my best#sometimes homeboy is gonna look like a lil gremlin and there’s nothing I can do about it#but also those other 6 /11 faces are the best I’ve ever done so I’ll take it#never been more clear to me how I unconsciously push myself to do harder things#like we got crazy hand angles with defined knuckles and fingernails#we got the upward angle face that doesn’t look like shit#we got form fitting lighting that is passable#semi accurate fabric physics#did I not give a fuck about the BG#yes#but I’m here for Varre sex appeal not rendering bricks#also misericorde magically changes scale throughout the whole comic#lmao oops#most detailed environmental lighting I’ve done too#Christ the lengths I go to for deranged fictional men#at the very least I feel like the dialogue isn’t ooc#me fighting for my life to make sure Varre looks like the same damn character between each panel
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we will find each other in every universe but it’s just cumplane leaving vaguely flirtatious comments for each other in every other aspect of the internet
justherefornoods: bro your noodle recipe sucks
onedollarecipes (OP): why tf are you even on this website
godyuan: did u srsly buy a $50 skin for such a shitty gameplay
afkaero: u’re here every time I stream if you like me sm I have an OF u can pay and I can continue to buy $50 skins <3
seventimesidiot: how do I fix my laptop screen it has blue and green lines I spilt water all over
sysysysysy: just send it to the repair store. water logging can’t be fixed by u
seventimesidiot: im broke & i need my work done. any idea?
sysysysysy: hair dryer, knocking it against the table, don’t be broke
seventimesidiot: fuck u
#svsss#shen yuan#cumplane#shang qinghua#im actually so damn curious why mxtx doesn’t give airplane a name
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‘The only thing that could tear down the House of Black was itself.’
By likeafunerall, and reposted with permission.
#The way they’re all over Sirius and he doesn’t give a damn.#He is surrounded with people yet so alone.#Walburga’s shadow towering over Sirius and her wand glowing red. Gods.#Sirius is pretty when he’s suffering and cries.#sirius black#the noble and most ancient house of black#wolfstar#r/s#rlsb#harry potter fanart#likeafunerall
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Your thing about katsuki losing his shit when u don’t answer his calls is hilarious to me bc he definitely would and since that’s just roommates that implies that when you’re actually like together he’d be so much worse (And eren does this too I can’t help but bring him up)
he takes it so so seriously it’s comical. ever since katsuki started at ua, he’s acted like he’s your government assigned bodyguard, too. and through all the attacks and shit that happened while he was in school, he really doesn’t take any chances, so he needs you to pick up the damn phone when he calls. you guys only became roommates because he was one missed call away from having a heart attack, please he does not play around when it comes to you. showing up to your place of employment at 2pm in full hero gear and dirt on his face because he called you thrice between 11am and 1:32pm and texted twice and you still didn’t answer so he’s coming to check up on you himself.
missing a call from him while you’re on way home from work bc you were underground on the subway, and not even realizing until you open the door and there’s katsuki standing in the entryway with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face and looks to your phone sticking out of your bag, taps on it, and dramatically goes “oh, so it does work!” to which you roll your eyes, and earn a poke to the nose and katsuki grumbling, “answer when i call, dummy,”’ before going back to the kitchen to finish dinner. he’s such a brat about it (and the only reason he didn’t go collect you from the train station out of panic is because you two have each other’s locations now—in an effort to stop dynamight from interrupting your work meetings).
when you two finally start dating, honestly it calms a bit. naturally, you’re spending more time together, and less virtual communication is needed. his panic really only sets in when there’s an attack or a villain on the run. he calls you before and after missions—sometimes he calls during them, he’s got to make sure that you’re okay, that you’re safe, that he can come back to you when it’s all said and done. all his friends say he’s whipped but katsuki really couldn’t care less, he needs you to be there. and let the record show, that when you call him first, he always comes running
#anonymous#eren answers all ur calls bc he’s a LOSERR!!!! doing nothing but waiting for you to text or call#and he’s kicking his feet when you finally do….. down terrible#you don’t answer when there’s an attack near where u work and katsuki has never moved faster in his life#when he gets to your job the building has already been evacuated and he’s combing through the rescue area#and his friends and other pros are shouting for him but he can’t hear them all he can hear is the sound of his heart in his throat#and when he finally does see you next to shoto he sighs. you’ve got a blanket around your shoulders to keep u warm and ur probably cold from#shoto having to rescue you and katsuki is grateful for that but rn he doesn’t care#he holds u so damn tight and he doesn’t cry but his voice is wobbly ‘you didn’t pick up’ and u just melt against him bc ‘u came anyway’#once again everybody give it up for the loverboy of all time….#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha x reader
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Scribbled my take on Boomie. Just a mishmash of his various versions. 😛
#Captain boomerang#George digger Harkness#suicide squad#my art#digger is just fun to draw#he doesn’t give a fuck#and I enjoy the energy#he’s so damn blue I love it tho#mixing his versions and such#like I did the dork squad
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much as bakugou hates having his privacy invaded, he doesn't bother to hide his face when buying you flowers.
out in public, right there on the street. first, in front of the strangers passing by, and then not long after, his candid, frowning face is plastered across several cheap magazines all throughout the city. it pisses him off to no end to keep his mouth shut when he knows some bastard is snapping his picture from across the street — but he swallows it all down, for you.
doesn't pull his hat any lower as he drives through the streets, doesn't hesitate to take the stairs up to your apartment, doesn't care to cover up the look on his face — with his pitifully sad eyes and soft frown — when you open and shut the door before he can even say anything.
bakugou hates to have his privacy invaded, but he'll gladly let the world know where his heart lies, this time. yeah, he fucked up before, but he'll be front page every single day if that's what it takes for you to realize how much you mean to him.
if, eventually, the center spread will be of you, leaning against the door frame with a little smile and a bouquet in your hands. he wouldn't even mind, really, if they captured the exact moment you decide to give him a second chance, or the kiss you plant on his cheek after.
can't tell how red his face is from a distance, but his smile is crystal clear.
#waaahh just the image of him buying flowers and getting put on the corner of some magazine 🥺#with some stupid headline like 'dynamight doesn’t give up !!' or something so cheesy akfhekqk#and then you're still deciding if you want to try again with him but you see him EVERYWHERE#every checkout line has a different magazine with his face on it#🥺🥺🥺#and if he's gonna be SO DAMN LOUD about how much he wants this 🥺 then you supoose you can listen 🥺🥺🥺🥺#he's so annoying i hate him alfbdiajkaqk#✿ willow writes#✿ thoughts: bakugou
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i don’t think we appreciate jack wielding a gun to make sure no one got in his way while carrying belle’s unconscious body out of her family’s estate enough because i’m 100% certain jack “is she breathing” dawkins would have pulled the trigger on anyone in that moment
#the artful dodger#jack dawkins#belle fox#jack x belle#it’s art! the way he constantly looks down to check on her as he rushes down the stairs the gun pointed wildly out finger on the trigger#jack dawkins is unhinged doesn’t give a damn about anything but her
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Short DPXDC Prompts #592
Harvey is mid bank heist when he hears “Harv? Is that you? It’s been so long!” From one of his hostages. Oh that voice was so incredibly familiar there’s no way-
Well he’ll be damned. Jack and Maddie Fenton, the couple he had a momentary fling with in college were pushing through the crowds and fully ignoring his goons pointing half a dozen guns at them as they made their way towards him.
———
Harvey couldn’t believe it. Jack and Maddie were still deeply in love and as crazy as ever, but they kept reaching out to him. They didn’t seem to mind him as the broken man that he is unlike another college friend. They treated him like a person. They didn’t expect his therapy and treatment to magically change him back to how he was, they just were happy that he was happy.
They mentioned once before that they messed up with how they treated their son but they realized their mistake and did their absolute damndest to make it up to their kids. They weren’t going to villainize their college ex. They were going to support him and be for him every step of the way.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny phantom#bones writes in the tags#bones prompts#what I’m saying is Harvey/Maddie/Jack could be a really cool pairing#college era fwb or college fling maybe? either way: they are in love#Harvey is a bastard who doesn’t understand that Maddie and Jack’s weapons and inventions they’re giving him#to cause chaos and crime in gotham is their way of showing their love towards him#they’re trying to help and they’re doing their best and their best is actually pretty damn good#they treat Two-Face and Harvey both like real people and they aren’t afraid of him. it’s a nice change of pace#Batman captures Jack and Maddie and they tell him that they’re shocked that Bruce didn’t get together with Harvey after college#first of all: holy fuck they know his identity#second of all: They’re just talking to him like an old college buddy who they haven’t caught up with in ages
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Sly needs more credit for how completely and immediately down bad he was for Michael.
I don’t believe in love at first sight but Sly was by all means enjoying some mysterious cowboy eye-candy in episode 73.
#Michael: lifts his shirt#Sly: *exhale* damn.#conveniently doesn’t question Michaels#definitely suspicious probably illegal job#or the fact he doesn’t have a debit card#invites him to stick around for motercyclin’#goes along on a mission with Michael#and his brothers ‘mike’ and ‘mikey’#Sly do you give all of patrons this service#im abnormal#woe.begone#w.bg#sylvester august baxter#michael walters
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I know it’s wholesome Sonic and Tails Wednesday eve and I shouldn’t be posting anything angsty BUT
Now that we’re exploring the potential of Tails being directly linked to the Chaos Emeralds…
Team Sonic and the restoration are fighting Eggman’s forces, it’s rough, they’re outnumbered and are getting close to being out powered, Silver and Team Dark’s assistance be dammed, Eggman did plan how to keep them occupied.
A foreign place, no citizens around, no remaining functioning facilities nearby, not any city, town or population, nothing close to them, everything has been rather evacuated or demolished by Badniks.
They’re scattered around the battlefield, everyone way too far from one another, but they have to cover more terrain, and no one’s better than Sonic to do that.
He’s going from edge to edge, dodging, punching, wrecking, they’ve been at this for hours but he can keep on for days, no doubt.
There’s yelling and shouting until there isn’t, a harsh sudden silence taking its place, weird. Sonic turns to the vibration in his arm.
His communicator illuminates in bright angry red, an alarm. Tails vitals.
Tails flatlines.
Way to sudden, no rising on vitals, no yelling from his side of the battlefield, it had to be a mistake, he needed it to be a mistake.
But the screen shows Tails’ communicator’s still attached to his wrist, and there’s no longer any silence when the shouts and cries of the fox’s name fill the place, It wasn’t a mistake.
He nearly trips on his own feet at how quickly he moved, his legs suddenly so weak to support him, but he had no time to freeze, he had no time to doubt he had no time-
He gets beside him in less than a second.
He’s on the ground, no badniks near him, the ground around him almost steaming, surrounding him in infernal smoke, he can feel the ground trembling, trembling, almost like how his body felt when a much younger Tails was purring while hugging him. Hell, why does he look so small all of the sudden?
His baby brother’s bright pretty yellow fur tainted if not bathed in a sick red. His chest fluff has no white left to show, a deep wound right over his heart. No.
He craddles him close, he knows he shouldn’t move him but he shouldn’t be so still, he wasn’t supposed to be this still, no, he was supposed to at least be crying he was supposed to hug Sonic back he was supposed to open his eyes-
There are no functioning hospitals in miles. The medic team is not equipped for this after hours of treating the wounded and preventing casualties. There’s no longer any medic team around, just wrecked badniks and his friends approaching.
Tails isn’t breathing. He doesn’t react to the speedster’s hand on his cheek. He doesn’t purr when his brother’s fingers run through his bangs. He doesn’t wake up when Sonic shouts his name begging him to please open his eyes.
Tails flatlined, but Sonic could tell his own heart threatening to stop.
He can’t hear anything. He can’t think. He can’t see anything but how still his little brother’s chest is.
He doesn’t think. He just knows he will not lose his little brother. Not now. Not ever. Not like this.
His body moves on his own when he practically rips a chaos emerald from Shadow’s hand, returning to his brother’s side not a second after, he doesn’t think even once about what doing next.
Sonic puts the chaos emerald over his kid’s small chest, right over his heart. Most would call what he made an “overpowered defibrillator”, but he knows he was just reaching for a miracle.
The miracle mercilessly shocks his kid.
One time, it doesn’t work. Two times, he can feel how the kit’s body can barely handle that much energy. Three times, his own hands are trembling, why is Tails face wet? It’s not even raining. Four times, someone’s yelling at him to stop, he’s only hurting Tails even more, he’s only damaging his body, but he can’t hear anything, Five times, he uses even more power, all his rage, desperation and… fear? Into that last shock.
Tails wakes up with a gasp. It worked.
It worked, Tails opened his eyes and started coughing loudly. Rough and harsh, but it meant he was alive, no wound visible anymore over his chest.
It worked, and that’s all that matters now.
Not how the skin in his hands got burned even through his gloves, not how his little brother’s eyes are no longer baby blue but an emerald green so much like his, not how long it took for Tails to actually look at him and answer when he asked if he was okay, not how he seemed more scared than confused about the fact that he was alive, not how even while Tails was fully awake and conscious Knuckles couldn’t find a pulse.
Tails is alive, and that’s all that matters.
#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#sonic and tails#unbreakable bond#they are cosmic truth#they’re brothers your honor#this will have consequences#damn chaos emeralds literally giving him life huh#anyways don’t worry this time this is unrelated to you know what fic haha that one’s worse#i just needed to get this idea out before Wednesday because#✨not very wholesome✨#and now the bros have matching eyes ❤️#hope that doesn’t backtrack or anything
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Time travel AU - Obi-Wan’s teething starts to pay off
Obi-Wan: *FINALLY gets a single fang cap out with his furiously concentrated teething… hands it to a confused Jaster because he is a small teen wtf is he supposed to do with a tooth cap???*
Jaster: *takes it with a wince* Thank you, Ob’ika, what a lovely gift for me to give your buire when they get home*
Obi-Wan: *grunts out thanks and goes back to concentrating on removing the other five fang caps* Thanks.
Jaster: *wiping his hands with a sanitary cloth and dropping the fang cap in the baggy Silas holds out for him* As I was-
Guy he’s in a meeting with: Um. Did your ad just lose a tooth? Isn’t he a bit big to lose teeth still?
Jaster: No, he didn’t lose a tooth.
Guy: …you lyin??
Jaster: I mean, he didn’t lose the WHOLE tooth-
Guy: IS HE OKAY?????
Jaster: *head in hands* He’s fine, this is normal for his species.
#star wars#obi wan kenobi#incorrect star wars quotes#jaster mereel#time travel#my fics#a traveling circus#Obi don’t give a fuck he tryina remove half his mouth he’s having issues talkin#these damn fangs are takin up too much room!!#Jaster is giving it to alpha he doesn’t know if alpha and Cody want to save these
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how did the UN become such a joke
#ukraine#just watched yet another video of russians warcriming ukrainian civilians#where the FUCK is the UN???#so sick of the UN and other international groups completely failing fucking everyone#this video showed a russian drone hunting down a car with people just trying to go shopping#the last video i saw was a couple ukrainian POWs who were unarmed with their hands up being executed#and the russians are fucking sharing these with russian civilians who are CHEERING#like at that point you deserve every punishment justice can serve#but no punishment will come because the UN is a damn fucking joke#the UN doesn’t give a shit about russians genociding ukrainians#the UN won’t even call it genocide
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can you do a chapter based on your Death!Reader and God!Brother hcs where Death wakes up from her sleep and goes to Heaven to check up on her brother's children and everyone is obviously terrified of her?
Hmmm…I’m not typically one to do requests because the urge to write is so sporadic and random for me. BUT I have been thinking about the initial confrontation in Heaven for a while now, so here are some head cannons for that. >w>
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- It’s a typical perfect day in Heaven…Until it isn’t. Having seen what had become of your realm and learning Heaven was to blame for it, you’re on your way to rip someone a new asshole.
- Screams erupt from the Angels as the ground begins to shake and the bright sky darkens. Sera and Emily rush out just in time to join the Angels in watching in abject terror as a massive pool of darkness forms on the ground, and from it slowly rises a menacing figure.
- The figure is massive, and it only continues to rise until even the tallest building barely reaches its hips. Its six long horns twist and arch toward the sky, only making the figure appear even taller. Upon reaching its full height, the figure spreads its six mighty wings, each one sporting a menacingly sharp claw and all as shrouded in darkness as the rest of the figure.
- As its wings blot out the sun further, the figure opens its many blazing white eyes; two where you’d normally expect to see eyes, a third in the center of its forehead, and dozens more scattered across its wings and body.
- Sera lost all color as soon as she saw the figure rising, and somehow lost even MORE color when the figure opened all of its eyes. She looks like she shit herself, and Emily is panicking, trying desperately to get Sera to tell her what’s going on; she’s never seen the older Seraph look so terrified.
- With this unimaginably imposing figure now looming over Heaven, Adam decides this is the PERFECT time to attack, having been dumb enough to think this was a Demon attacking Heaven.
- The exorcists fly up towards the figure, ready to attack. This only angers the figure further however, and with a rumble that shakes the ground itself, the figure merely flaps its wings; creating a gust of wind so powerful it knocks all the exorcists back onto the ground.
- It’s at this point Sera FINALLY snaps out of it, rushing to Adam in mad panic and damn nearly strangling him while telling him to call off the exorcists. Which he does, albeit with some reluctance.
- This doesn’t stop him from asking Sera what gives, and her response is “Adam you absolute fucking fool, that is DEATH!”
- Now it’s Adam’s turn to look like he shit himself. “Death? As in, “the big man himself’s younger sister” Death?? As in, “the baddest bitch you’ve EVER seen, but can kill ANYTHING by just touching it” Death??? THAT fucking Death????” Ignoring that last statement, Sera’s frantic nodding in confirmation confirms to Adam that he has indeed fucked up. Big time. Adam then proceeds to lose all color in his face and practically cowers behind Sera as she cautiously approaches you, mentally preparing herself to be reaped on the spot.
- Back to your perspective however, you’re fucking PISSED. So pissed that you don’t even notice or stop to think that most of Heaven’s inhabitants likely have NO CLUE who you are, and are likely legitimately fearing for their lives. Meanwhile for all the older Angels and Angelic beings who’ve been alive long enough to have known you before you went to sleep, like Sera, they’re all still very much afraid, but it’s more in line with the “oh shit mom’s home early and she saw the mess we made in the kitchen, she’s gonna kill us!” kind of fear.
- The fact that they sent exorcists at you makes you even angrier. Like for starters, how fucking weak do they think you are that you could be stopped by just some low level Angelic beings with pointy sticks?? And then the audacity to even attack you to begin with, like THEY weren’t the ones who fucked up and you’re just some kind of strange intruder needing to be slain?? The INDIGNITY of it all!
- Your voice booms throughout Heaven, making even the ground tremble at the sheer intensity of it. “WHO DID IT?” You’re met with only silence, so you ask again with more force. “MY REALM IS A COMPLETE MESS WITH MILLIONS OF DISPLACED SOULS RIGHT NOW. SO AGAIN I ASK, WHICH ONE OF YOU FLAT FOOT CHILDREN DID THIS?!”
- Sera replies, voice trembling slightly. “Are…Are you talking about the exterminations? “IF THAT IS WHAT YOU’RE CALLING THIS MOCKERY OF MY WORK, THEN YES.” Sera looks visibly confused and concerned. “But…That SHOULDN’T be possible!…The exterminations KILL the Sinners; their souls should be gone, not stuck in Limbo! There has to be some kind of mistake here!”
- Hearing this, you can’t help but let out a brief but harsh cackle, making the ground jolt from the abruptness. “DEAR YOU HONESTLY THINK A SOUL COULD BE SO EASY TO DESTROY? A SOUL IS A POWERFUL THING FOR A REASON CHILD, IF THEY WERE SO EASILY DESTROYED THEN NONE OF YOU WOULD BE STANDING HERE BEFORE ME NOW!…SO ONCE AGAIN, WHO. DID. THIS?! AND SO HELP ME, IF I HAVE TO ASK AGAIN THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES.”
- Whilst Sera is dumbfounded by this revelation, Adam sees a golden opportunity to save his ass and points at Sera. “I-It was her! Yeah it was all fucking HER idea! I-I tried to tell her it was stupid, b-but she just REALLY wanted to go down and kill those bast- Demons! Yeah she REALLY wanted to kill all those poor Demons, can ya fucking believe this shit?!”
- Before Sera can defend herself, the darkness seems to intensify, and she can just FEEL every one of your eyes glaring daggers into her. “SERA…YOU SIGNED OFF ON THIS?? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, I EXPECTED SO MUCH BETTER FROM YOU! I LEFT EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS FOR HEAVEN AND HELL TO WORK TOGETHER TO SORT SOULS FOR THIS VERY REASON! AND NOW BECAUSE OF THESE BARBARIC “EXTERMINATIONS”, YOU’VE COMPLETELY DESTROYED THE BALANCE I WORKED SO HARD TO CREATE AND MAINTAIN. I HOPE YOU’RE PROUD OF YOURSELF, BECAUSE I’M CERTAINLY NOT!”
- It’s a strange and mildly amusing sight to see the head seraph get scolded like a misbehaving child by this massive dark entity. But here we are anyway!
- At one point during the tongue lashing you’re giving to your niece, Emily buts in and asks for an explanation for what’s going on; having not heard Sera’s previous explanation to Adam apparently.
- Your temper flares for a brief moment, and you just about launched into another lecture at the little shit who DARED interrupt you. But upon seeing Emily, you softened considerably, seeing that she was young and TRULY didn’t understand what was happening.
- “AH…I APOLOGIZE DEAR, BUT I DON’T THINK I RECOGNIZE YOU…COME CLOSER LITTLE ONE SO I CAN SEE YOU.” You slowly crouch down and lower your hand, offering Emily to climb onto it. Emily is hesitant, obviously a bit scared of you. But Sera encourages her to go to you, she knows that you won’t hurt Emily and it’s high time she meets her aunt anyway.
- With the small seraph in hand, you stand back up to your full height and bring her closer to your face. Now FINALLY able to see her properly, you speak. “YOU’RE FAIRLY YOUNG FOR A SERAPH…YOU MUST’VE BEEN BORN DURING MY SLUMBER, AND IN THAT CASE I APOLOGIZE THIS HAD TO BE OUR FIRST MEETING. TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR NAME CHILD?”
- Her voice trembling slightly, Emily tells you her name and then asks who you are and asks if you’re a seraph like her and Sera. The innocent question gets a genuine laugh out of you, and despite it shaking the ground it’s a lovely sound. “OH CHILD, I AM FAR FROM BEING A SERAPH. THOUGH I CAN SEE WHY YOU WOULD THINK THAT. YOU WERE ALL MADE IN MY IMAGE AFTER ALL.”
- Seeing the visible confusion on Emily’s face, you elaborated. “LONG AGO, YOUR FATHER WANTED TO SHOW HIS APPRECIATION OF ME. SO FOR HIS FIRST SENTIENT CREATIONS, THE SERAPHIM, HE BASED THEM ALL ON ME.” Emily looks surprised, and follows up by asking how you know God.
- You give another genuine laugh at her question. “SWEETY I’M HIS YOUNGER SISTER, I AM “DEATH”, THE GODDESS OF WELL…DEATH. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME “D” OR “AUNT D”, MOST OF YOUR SIBLINGS DO.” Emily’s mind is blown “Wait! YOU’RE aunt D?! Sera told me all kinds of stories about you before you went to sleep, like the time you got into an argument with Father over his invention of the “Snuggie”. I never thought I’d get to meet you!”
- “IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A BATHROBE YOU WORE BACKWARDS, AND I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE HE THOUGHT THAT WAS AT ALL CLEVER.” You huff, feeling amusement and mild irritation at that memory.
- “SPEAKING OF YOUR FATHER, WHERE IS HE?” Sera speaks up, having managed to recollect herself, and explains that no one has seen or heard a word from God since before you went to sleep.
- The irritated snarl that leaves your throat sounds like thunder and shakes the ground, making everyone tremble with fear. “THAT LAZY BASTARD HAD ONE FUCKING JOB, WATCH HIS DAMN KIDS, AND HE COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT?! NO WONDER THIS ALL HAPPENED THEN, HE LEFT YOU ALL UNSUPERVISED!”
- Bending over, you carefully set Emily down before standing back up. “I HATE TO CUT MY INTRODUCTION SHORT, BUT APPARENTLY I NEED TO GO AND HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH YOUR FATHER.” You stare pointedly at Sera and continue. “DON’T THINK THIS MEANS YOU’RE ENTIRELY OFF THE HOOK EITHER. WHILE YES, YOUR FATHER’S ABSENCE IS MOSTLY TO BLAME FOR THIS DEBACLE, YOU ALSO KNOW BETTER THAN TO DO SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS. WE WILL BE DISCUSSING THIS MORE ONCE I FINISH WITH YOUR FATHER, AND IF I COME BACK AND FIND OUT YOU HELD ANY MORE OF THESE “EXTERMINATIONS” I WILL TURN YOU INTO A HOLLOW! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?” Looking at the ground, Sera nods and says “Yes Auntie D…”
- Satisfied with that response, you bid everyone farewell and slowly melt back into the ground, completely disappearing. Once you’re gone, the sunlight is back and it’s as if you were never there.
- Now the seraphim have to soothe the murmuring crowd while Sera starts attempting to get in contact with Lucifer to let him know that “Hey Aunt D found out about the exterminations and is NOT happy about it. She just got done yelling at me, and now she’s on her way to go read Father the riot act. Just warning you now because once she’s done with him, you’re probably gonna be next.”
- Lucifer receives the message and is now frantically trying to create peace offerings in hopes they’ll make you more amicable, while also preemptively planning his own funeral in case the peace offerings don’t work.
- Meanwhile in God’s palace, God is currently relaxing in an elaborate hot tub and watching American football on an absurdly large TV whilst drinking wine like it’s water. He’s pretty drunk and having a grand time yelling at the TV.
- His fun is interrupted through by you literally kicking in the door and storming in, you’ve shrunken down to your smaller size so all your features are actually visible now and not covered in darkness as you glare at your older brother with an intensity that could peel paint.
- God startled momentarily before seeing it’s you and giving you a dopey smile. He’s also in his smaller form, so that makes things slightly easier for you. “Ohhh heeeyyy Death!…You startled me thereee…It’zzzz beeen awhillle, huh?” You scoff at his slurred speech, in disbelief that he could be so drunk right now.
- “Yes, it HAS been awhile. Good to see that you still choose to spend your days getting completely wasted instead of tending to your children.” You answer tersely, and God rolls his eyes. “Zzstill the saaame old ssstuck up bitch…Tha kidzz are fahine Deee! Yyyoou should cohme haave ah drink wib meee.”
- You ignore God’s offer for a drink and cut right to the chase. “No, your kids are NOT fine! When was the last time you checked in on them?! Do you even know what they’re up to right now??!” God dismissively waves his hand and chugs more wine. “I juzzt checked on thhhem ah couple decades aghooo..They’rrre prohably makinnn neeewh liffe.”
- “God that is a load of shit, and you know it! I was JUST down in Heaven, and the seraphim told me that you haven’t seen or spoken to ANY of them since I left to take my nap eons ago! And furthermore, while you’ve been in here drinking the day away, your children have COMPLETELY destroyed the balance we created! They’ve been mass slaughtering Demons annually for millennia now, and Limbo is a complete disaster right now because of this!” Hearing this, God looks down at his bottle of whine, embarrassed, and mumbles an awkward “oh”.
- Silence hangs heavy in the air for a moment before God clears his throat and says. “Zzsooo…You’rrree NNOT gooing to drink wiff me?” At this you snap and snatch the wine bottle from God and chuck it at the TV, smashing the bottle and the TV. God shouts in anger but before he can ask you wtf that was for, you just lay into him. Calling him a deadbeat and pathetic excuse of a deity.
- “How can you just sit in here day after day, while your CHILDREN are out there causing such mayhem! Do you not love your children all??!” God is shouting back at you, his anger having sobered him up some so he’s not slurring as much. “How DARE you accuse me of not loving my children! I would giive ANYTHING for them and you know that!”
- “Then fucking ACT like it!! Don’t just sit in here and rot your mind with booze and TV!” God growls. “I don’t need you to tell meee how to handle my children! Why do you even care?! It’zzz not like they’re yours anyway!”
- “I care because they are part of MY family, and I want my family to be safe and happy, something that you couldn’t give less of a shit about apparently!” God throws his hands up at this point “Well what do you want from me Death, go hhhold their handz?! My children are ALL capable of thinking and being on their own, they don’t NEED me to do shit for them!”
- “That doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you there emotionally! But with the way you act maybe it’s best you ARE never there! After all, what use could any of them get from your pathetic drunk ass!!” This clearly struck a nerve as God points back at the door you came in through and roars at you to get the fuck out of his house. Growling, you give a harsh “Fine!” and tell him he can sit and be a drunk deadbeat all he wants because you’re done with him and his shit, and he’s NEVER to contact you again unless it’s in regards to his children or business.
- You stomp out of God’s palace and return to Limbo, wanting to start working on getting things cleaned up and cool off some before you go check on things in Hell.
- Once you’re gone though, God slumps his shoulders and hangs his head. With your venomous words echoing his head, he summons another bottle of wine and begins chugging it while he trudges into his bedchambers.
- He flops down onto the bed and picks up a framed photo and slowly brings it closer to his face. It’s an old photo, one taken shortly after God created the first few seraphim. You and God are both standing next to each other, arms around each other’s shoulders and leaning in close while the first seraphim all stand in between the two of you. Everyone is absolutely beaming, and God looks especially happy; so proud of his creations.
- Tears drop onto the photo as God remembers how things used to be back then, back when he was actually NEEDED by those around him and wasn’t just some brand figure who’s only job is to smile and wave. Even as he slowly sets the photo down, tears continue to fall and he holds his head in his hands. “…I’m sorry I’m so damn useless…Hopefully you’ll forgive me someday…Not that I deserve it though…I’m…so fucking sorry…” No one is there to hear God’s sobs, and eventually he passes out. He’d rather be dreaming of happier times anyway.
#damn this ended up being WAY longer than i intended#and with a bit of angst no less!#god isn’t a bad guy he’s just SUPER depressed and suffering an existential crisis#basically after creating the angelic beings he didn’t really have to do anything anymore#because the angels were able to create and think on their own#so there isn’t really anything for god to do now because the angels can do it themselves#with so much time on his hands he started questioning his existence and what he was even meant to do#he feels completely useless because he truly believes that if he isn’t constantly creating things then he has no purpose#he deals with this by holing up in his palace and drinking himself silly and getting high#he has not told you this primarily because he doesn’t know how#he’s much like his son lucifer in that he’s not great at discussing his feelings#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x death! reader#death reader#i like to imagine the seraphim have a group chat and sera just posts in it like ‘aunt d found out about the exorcisms. we’re all dead.’#and it starts blowing up with everyone freaking out and trying to figure out wtf they’re gonna do#lucifer is preparing for the ass whooping you’re gonna give him
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