#does this rule deserve its own chart too?

[jessieren]

Never too late for Sweaty Shaun in a white t shirt

I'm sorry, I've been falling behind lately, my trip to London is approaching and I still have many things to take care of before departure ...

I hope you'll be delighted by a few videos featuring a white t-shirt in the spotlight and a sweaty Shaun as a bonus ...

[helloescapist]

Hello. I read your Shinobu in a relationship post and honestly I'm speechless at how in depth it is. Wow! Can I ask for more? I need more. Like perhaps more info about them quarreling? The gifts. Or or they are newlyweds and reader got badly hurt and forgets about her. Will her live be stronger and how will she deal with it? Thank you so much!

SO, because of how much I love the “reader got badly hurt and forgets her”. It just pierces me through the heart, and it, it just deserves its own individual attention. I love it. I really do. So, this will be a two-part answer. With the second part to follow later (I'll come back and link it when it's up as well as put it on the masterlist as well!).

Quarrelling and Gifting Headcanons | Shinobu Kocho

Word Count: 2270

Setting: Shinobu Kocho x gn!reader

Content Warnings: SFW, we beat around the bush.

[image is not mine]

It’s so important to note that, Shinobu really will avoid unnecessary conflict in her relationships. It’s not that she’s afraid of a fight, or even the risk of “losing”. Because to be honest, she doesn’t think she will lose the argument. Rather, she really just feels that they can be completely avoided. Which is… ironic as conflict tends to find her.

Let’s be honest, as adorable and sassy as her remarks often are, they have the tendency to rub others the wrong way.

When it comes to disputes of any kind, Kocho has a strong preference for facts, rather than allow her emotions to run the discussion. She knows nothing good will come of doing that. In an attempt to keep the smile on her face, and further suppress her frustration (This woman has stomach ulcers I swear), she will focus her attention on the overall picture. How this argument will play into the enormity of your relationship. Is it something small such as mistakenly utilized a decorative towel?

The practically of her brain screams in agony. It. Is. A. Towel. Therefore, her usage is appropriate, but for all that her logic wails at her, you really do adore those cutesy towels. She’s sorry. She’ll take better care next time to leave your prized serviette be. A dispute over who’s turn it is to tend to the dishes? No, she distinctly remembers that she did in fact scrub them the night before, but, she’ll note the small bags under your eye. The languid movement, and stifled yawn. You had made her dinner despite your fatigue from work, and she knows you hate the task.

She’ll do it.

Now, let’s be clear. Shinobu is not a pushover, nor is she a placemat. You will not often find her compliant, but you will discover that she does try to understand your perspective. To notice when you’re sore from having carried too heavy of a burden, exhausted from running errands, or whether the heat has gotten to you. She will take this with a grain of salt, and accept that you are human.

However, she will go to great lengths to ensure that the same dispute, does not happen twice. You may see a chore chart in your near future, or she may simply request enacting a rule that states, whoever doesn’t cook will do the washing, and your decorative towels will be accompanied by more practical towels. She will keep implementing solution after solution until one is successful.

That being said, in every relationship. There comes a point when you will be tested. Blows will be traded, petty remarks, and snippy behavior, and a fight is just unavoidable. (Shinobu knows, as she tried her damnest to dodge it).

To be in a bond with the Insect Hashira is to know that these blows are not common place. They’re rare, and far and few between. In fact, your love has likely avoided such a dispute for a noteworthy passage of time. You had even begun to wonder if she was capable of expressing anger. When it happens, you were likely knocked entirely off kilter. D-Did Shinobu raise her voice?

Understand that it will never be anything small that has drawn the preserved woman’s ire. As I have mentioned, she is a woman of solution, and prefers to mull things with rationale. With great consideration. But just because she is not as trigger happy as other partners, does not mean her patient is limitless. There are a few things that could make your relationship tense.

You may find yourself humiliated by Kocho’s inability to keep her tongue and cheek in check. To an extent, she understands that you have to play into your boss’s ego. She will tell herself time and time again that it is all a part of the corporate ladder (both in the modern world and the taisho era), but there will come a point when an ignorant employer will push her too far.

It may be that they pushed off their duties on you for yet another time without the slightest clue as to how to perform the task, and yet to continue to berate you for the smallest of infringements. It may be that once again, they have pronounced your name wrong at a social gathering, or they have allocated the blame to you of an incorrect order even though it is clearly their own hand writing. Regardless as to how you arrived here, her tongue has betrayed her. It has written a carnet you cannot afford.

“[YN]. It’s pronounced, {YN},” while she glowers at the man. The cut of his eyes, shocked that she would dare to do correct a man of his station. A social gathering to promote a new item at your place of work, a tea shop having already driven you ragged for the month. The buffoon of a man so incompetent that he could not work off the necessary mathematical equations to determine the quantities to order, so he had pushed all of his duties on you. Late nights dragging you through the mud. Questioning your competence, degrading you so openly. Unashamed of his own ignorance, far too content to place the burdens on you. To play you the very fool he was, and while she had tried to convince herself that it was necessary, you loved your job. You were not in over your head; you understood the importance of boundaries in your work life. Oh, she had tried, she really had, but to have heard the botched symbols roll of his tongue, butchering your name to the owner of the tea shop. "Excuse me," his voice appalled, a note of warning flicked across his tongue. Completely ignored despite the obvious widening of your eyes, and the touch of your hand against her arm. Lightly tugging. Far too late for that, the rage immolating from every pore of her being. Her teeth gritted, her pragmatic existence whispering for her to cool her temper. To remember her place, to remember your job, and the attention from others she has garnished. Alas, it’s too late. Amongst tea shop attendants, business owners, and members of the community, she had drawn the line in the sand. Stood her ground, as she hissed. “[YN]. You should be well aware of how to pronounce it. You have only had them working like a dog the past few days.” The insistent tugs and coos that you attempted to reassure her were wasted. She was too far gone. Somewhere between insisting he prove his competence, revealing his competence, and fallen curses that near shattered her teeth in her attempt to restrain, Shinobu had realized. She had gone too far.

Shinobu will recognize that her temper had gotten the better of her. That she not only (successfully) told off your boss, but in a public setting amongst your peers, community members, and even strangers. She’s (sort of) embarrassed. While the Insect Hashira still feels that she was correct—the man obviously deserved a tongue lashing, she can acknowledge that it was neither the time, nor the place.

She won’t apologize for how she felt, but she will apologize for how she had conducted herself.

Another situation that you may find yourself in a dispute will come of Shinobu’s own social battery. Bare in mind that while she is willing to engage in the occasional social event, especially if you are a social butterfly, she is still an introvert by nature. She needs time between each outing to recharge her own social batter, and if it’s not given, you will find Kocho snippy. Even a little petty.

When the poison wielder is up for the social interaction, she works over time to ensure she sticks to social expectations. They don’t come naturally to her, and if you recall, she often spills her own thoughts without even realizing that she had insulted someone. This will only be amplified if her social batter is overtly drained.

Except, she’s no longer trying to behave.

She will look your friend dead in the eye and ask why they insist on clinging to you. Do they not realize that as lovers, you would like time alone together from time to time. Third wheel.

Yet again, she needs a moment to realize why you’re upset—she’s dating you not your friend. Ugh, but your friends matter to you. [insert the annoyed groan]. Okay, she was wrong. She handled this poorly. She’s sorry, Shinobu will try another approach next time.

She’s aware that her turn of phrase is not always… the nicest.

And lastly, Kocho is not attached to drama. Overtly emotional situations, and individuals can often times be draining for her. It requires a bit more of herself to follow your train of thought in these situations. She’s tired, but for the most part, she will accept your emotional needs—that’s what a partner does.

However, intentionally setting herself into drama induced scenarios such as power struggles, fighting for your attention, attempts to elicit jealousy as her lover, etc. These will never end well. You will find her tongue sharp, poised, lethal, and ready. Emotional Manipulation of even the smallest level is difficult for her to sort through, but to discover you had outright forced the situation on her will have her seething.

Such situations such as intentionally allowing her to believe that you have slept with another person, will elicit unburden rage. She will rely on the facts, you. Manipulated. Her. She will withdraw, cold calculated. Lethal.  You’re sorry? Yes, yes you will be. Atonement is the only solution.

It’s war.

She is emotional, irate, and irrational.

Even if it means taking herself out, she will drag you with her.

In a fight or flight response, she loses all sense of herself. Backed into a corner, Shinobu’s insticts to survive is what captivates her. Drags her to make impulsive moves, to decimate all in her path to safety. She… hates this about herself. Her carelessness for self-preservation.

In more explosive situations (like genuine abusive, yandere behavior), the Insect Hashira runs the risk of simply cutting bonds. Severing ties, burning bridges in her rage. Pack her things in the middle of the night, disappear into the moonlight.

You will never see her again.

She saw the problem and provided a solution.

Ultimately, that’s Shinobu’s goal. A dispute is really just a problem masquerading in emotions. She feels that as your lover, it is her duty to help find solutions. To ensure the success of your relationship. Her affections will drive her to deeper lows and higher highs than she could have ever imagined, than her spirit will even confess.

That being said, even in times of heated disputes, if you are able to maintain your wits. TO remain logical and reliant, calm despite her storm, you will find that Shinobu is almost always, willing to compromise.

Gifts from Shinobu I believe would very. They may feel extremely diverse, and often times, completely unrelated. H-How could the same person who had affectionately gifted you a small stuffy of a Japanese macaque monkey also gift you… a fish head? Or perhaps the better question is, why did she give you a fish head?

You will find that no matter how far apart you are from one another, Shinobu’s thoughts are always with you. You are always on her mind, the small ways you fiddle with your hair. The touch of light across your cheeks, the small way you bite your thumb when you’re thinking--- you are always present in her thoughts regardless of her task. Because of this, she will bring you some of the most… obscure tokens of affections from her travels.

She had gifted you a delicately weaved snow monkey stuff because while she had been passing through, she happened to come face to face with one in the bath. The relaxed way the little one’s features grazed in the onsen. It’s small puff of hair, and the way the anima’s eyes closed in deep satisfaction to meet the warm water---- ah how cute, you often made such a face in the bath. When she would wash your back.

When Shinobu passed by a food stall in a port region on her way home, she could not help but notice the lavish cloth. The blonde who’s speech was unfamiliar, and overtly friendly seller at that, drew her attention. You had recently taken an intrust in foreign books. Spoke of how lovely the details had appeared. She brought one of his confections, a cake? He had delicately wrapped the sparkling treat in cloth, a translator ensuring that the symbol a roze—no, rose had significant meaning in his culture of romance.

Picked up a new pair of sandals for you, delicate little weaves of flowers carefully placed into the making. You express that it really wasn’t necessary, a simple replacement shoe would have been more than enough, but she’ll disagree. The color is the exact shade of pink that blossoms on your cheeks when she praises you.

The Lavender hair pin that she has placed into the intricate wave of strands of hair. The embellishment admittedly flashy enough to draw Tengen’s attention, blow glass and meticulously crafted. A special order that she had placed upon your anniversary, the small touch of her smile as she places it into your hair. “Do you know what lavender symbolizes?”

The Fish head in all of its peculiarities. While it’s true that that it’s usage avoids unnecessary waste, her medical book had expressed that it would increase your serotonin levels, and assist in sleep. She had noticed the way you tossed and turn at night, drifted from bed to warm your self water in the hopes that sleep would follow. Shinobu will prepare a fish head for you, and wish you sweet dreams.

Her gifts while… unique all serves a purpose. Her devotion to you.

Secured in every package.

Part two of Request: Wisteria Bound Promises

[catmarlowastrology]

The Ryan/Vallow Murders: Chad Daybell Natal Chart Reading

Lori Vallow Daybell and her husband Chad face first-degree murder charges in the deaths of Lori's two children, Tylee Ryan and J.J Vallow. The whole story of this family is bizarre, and the children's horrific fates is heartbreaking. If you want to read more about this case, you can go here.

In Chad Daybell’s chart, the Sun is in its home sign, Leo. He has self-assurance and a sense of importance. This Sun, in its purest form, never doubts their status as notable individuals deserving of respect and admiration from others. They frequently have a magnetic personality since they have no self-doubt and high self-esteem. His Sun is squared by Neptune, which causes him to have false notions of his own significance.

It appears that his Moon is in Pisces. Pisces Moons need to dedicate themselves to a cause in order to feel emotionally satisfied. They think they have a calling and must pursue it no matter what. Given that his Neptune is in the sign of Scorpio, he romanticizes the concept of survival and holds peculiar notions towards power. He thought that his mission was to survive the end of the world and rise to power in the post-apocalyptic world. His Moon is likely in opposition to Uranus, making his deluded needs unstable. He would feel even more predestined to this mission as a result of the Moon-Neptune trine.

Since his Mercury is in Leo, he has self-centered thoughts and leverages his skills to please his ego. He is the hero of his story, and everything he does and believes is intended to demonstrate who he is. Not all Leo Mercurys behave in this manner! I describe him as self-centered in this instance because the Sun in Leo rules his Mercury. Every planet in his chart goes back to that Sun in Leo too. That’s the foundation of his personality.

Mercury trines Saturn and squares Neptune. He has irrational, self-centered thoughts, yet he takes them extremely seriously. It's very real for him.

Venus is in Virgo. He is drawn to partners that he believes have potential but could use some help. It almost seems as though he views his partners as projects—individuals he can improve to reach the top of their potential. His Venus is ruled by Mercury in Leo. He helps others in order to make himself look better. He feels confident about his views on love since Venus and Jupiter are in a (large) conjunction.

The third and last planet he has in Leo is Mars. His ego drives everything he does, and his acts and behaviors are all self-serving. He takes advantage of every opportunity to show off his personality. 

Jupiter is in Virgo, therefore he is self-assured about his skills. He is confident in his ability to perfect things and regards himself as efficient and competent. Additionally, he believes that he is quite helpful to others.

Saturn is the last planet I’m going to analyze in his chart. It’s in Aries, the sign of its fall. Saturn represents our high standards and matters we take extremely seriously. In Aries, Saturn takes great care in how he behaves and acts. Since Mars, the ruler of his Saturn, is in Leo, it appears to be due to the fact that his behaviors mirror who he is. 

Many details of his life are unknown to us because we don't know his time of birth. It seems that everything he did was done to increase his perceived importance. He lacks objectivity and rationality in his chart.

More: Lori Vallow Natal Chart Reading To book a reading with me, please visit www.catmarlow.com!

[veliseraptor]

CQL Characters Rated by Their Stress Levels

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “Lan Wangji smiling at Wei Wuxian” and 10 being “Lan Xichen at Guanyin Temple.”

Lan Wangji: Varies wildly over the course of the series; see @howpeacefulislwj for detailed rundown. The roundup post averages his peacefulness at 4.2/10. Generally speaking, stress levels middling, between 3/10 and 5/10 with some extreme highs, pretty much all Wei Wuxian related.

Wei Wuxian: One of those people where you’re like “god I hate him, everything’s so easy for him and he can do everything better than me, it’s the worst, how the fuck does he do it” and then years later you find out that he had an epic burnout and dropped off the face of the earth for sixteen years because actually it wasn’t that easy he just made it look that way. 

I mean, he starts the series at about a 5/10 general state (he’s managing a lot but handling it okay) and basically escalates to a relatively consistent 9 or 10/10 for most of the stretch from the Burial Mounds through to his dying. Someone should make a @howpeacefuliswwx chart, I’d be curious to see his average.

Jiang Cheng: Has been existing in a constant low-level state of stress since late childhood and only grows over time. The calmest I think we ever see him is when he’s holding a bunny and other than that it’s mostly downhill. I worry about him getting ulcers sometimes. 8/10.

Jiang Yanli: Jiang Yanli is so used to being stressed that she barely even registers it any more. What do you mean, most people don’t raise two other children when they are also a child? What do you mean, most people take breaks from supporting others to help themselves? Weird. If she was thinking about it she’d be at a 8 or 9/10 but since she’s so accustomed to this way of life that it just feels totally normal she’s more like a 4 or a 5. 

Jiang Fengmian: Avoids being more stressed by generally avoiding his problems, which is one way to deal with it but doesn’t really end up working out most of the time. 3/10.

Yu Ziyuan: Resides somewhere in the vicinity of 5/10 stress levels, 11/10 rage levels, and when the stress levels get above 5 then everyone else’s stress levels better be hitting the roof.

Lan Xichen: Lan Xichen would probably be relatively unstressed if life didn’t consistently come crashing through his relatively chill vibes. Lan Xichen on a good day is, like, 3/10, handling pretty well, but when things start going wrong around him then he pretty quickly hits critical stress levels and will do drastic things to resolve that, such as convincing Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao to set aside their near-murder differences and swear brotherhood, which will definitely work out absolutely fine. Ends up averaging closer to 8/10 because things keep going wrong around him.

Lan Qiren: He’d be fine if his entire family didn’t insist on causing him problems, constantly. Handling it surprisingly well, all things considered. Still 6/10 though.

Nie Mingjue: I mean, does spend a large chunk of time steadily inching toward a qi deviation? That on its own is pretty stressful and also he just seems like generally a high blood pressure sort of person. But the qi deviation inducing saber is definitely not, like, helping. Putting him at a roughly 6 or 7/10 with a median level that just keeps inching slowly upward.

Nie Huaisang: Actually less stressed than you’d expect given how flighty he seems to be! Even when plotting revenge is less “stressed” than “determined.” Pretty good at keeping himself calm most of the time. Generally sits at a stress level of 4/10 or so with a few significant exceptions.

Jin Guangyao: Very stressed all of the time. He has a lot to be stressed about! Between the various complexes and the tendency toward paranoia, Jin Guangyao is definitely among the most stressed in a room at any given time, while doing his best to convey otherwise. But seriously, look at this smile. Does that look like the smile of a serene man to you? 10/10.

Jin Zixuan: You know those high-strung racehorses that sometimes get spooked by, like, a shadow on the ground? That’s Jin Zixuan. Mostly manages to mask his constant low-level “AHHHHH” with a layer of arrogance and/or social awkwardness that looks like arrogance, but it’s there, in the background. 7/10.

Jin Zixun: Shielded from the general Jin neuroses by being an asshole. It’s not fair, but there you are. 3/10 because he does seem to have some inferiority complex issues going on, but that’s not the same thing as stress.

Jin Guangshan: Deserves to be a lot more stressed than he is. Alas, is confident enough to not be terribly stressed. 2/10.

Mianmian: So you know how cheetahs are very panicky animals and so they often in zoos get paired with dogs who will help them figure out that this situation is safe and they don’t need to panic? I feel like Mianmian is Jin Zixuan’s stress meter in their friendship. She will let him know when to be stressed! Because she is not going to spook at her own shadow. Has a sense of reasonable responses to stressors and knows how to remove herself from a bad situation when necessary. Generally a 5/10 because the inherent stress of existing in the Jin Sect is a real thing. 

Wen Qing: It’s hard to be the most competent person in the room most of the time who spends most of her time in very politically precarious positions and with her or her brother’s life at least sort of in danger! Pretty up there for “most stressed” candidates. She’s really having a time of it. Generally hovers around an 8/10.

Wen Ning: Generally not stressed, at least not in the traditional way. Is distressed a lot, but not so much stressed. Ends up at roughly 4/10.

Wen Chao: Like Jin Zixun, gets somewhat shielded from stress by being an unrepentant asshole, though his end of life 11/10 stress via Wei Wuxian kind of makes up for the rest. Averages more of a 2/10 most of the time, though? I don’t think we can let that relatively brief period skew the scale too much.

Wen Ruohan: Does “magic induced losing your mind” count as stress? I mean, he has a pretty stressful job even before that, but he doesn’t project “stress” so much as “incipient madness” during the period where we actually see him doing things. Not sure what rating to give here. It seems like he’s kind of on a different scale.

Wang Lingjao: For the most part seems to manage to get by relatively stress-free, up until things start going completely to shit and she gets haunted to death. Generally closer to a 2 or 3/10, because life as a servant ascended to mistress in a strictly hierarchical society is inherently a wee bit stressful.

Wen Zhuliu: Too sick of this shit and not getting paid enough to really stress out about it. 1/10.

Lan Sizhui: One of those people who manages to appear serene and calm all the time but mostly has just gotten used to functioning at a higher level of stress and therefore can pass for calm even when he is having an Experience of it, which makes his stress levels kind of hard to gauge. But I’d put him at a relatively consistent 6/10.

Lan Jingyi: Wouldn’t call him stressed exactly but he’s definitely very high energy. Kind of gives off the vibes of a very energetic dog who would be stressed if you didn’t keep him busy, but mostly (because I feel like Gusu Lan Sect is pretty good at keeping him busy) hovers around a 2 or 3/10. 

Jin Ling: I feel like Jin Ling isn’t stressed most of the time up until the actual events of CQL itself, where he is both very stressed and very confused almost constantly from the time he first runs into Wei Xuanyu, and it only goes downhill from there. So covering the events of the show I’m going to put him at a 7/10, because he does manage to deal with some wild things with some equanamity and makes it all the way to episode forty-five without breaking down sobbing.

Ouyang Zizhen: Seems like a sensitive soul but doesn’t give off the impression of carrying around a lot of stress, at least not from what we see of him. Probably the chillest of the junior quartet, tbh. Gonna give him a 2/10.

Xiao Xingchen: For most of his life Xiao Xingchen manages his stress very well! He’s actually surprisingly chill. Gets significantly more stressed, understandably, after Xue Yang engineers his no good very bad breakup (the first one) with Song Lan. But in general not that stressed! It is actually part of why he doesn’t handle the stress when it comes very well. He’s not used to it and he only had one pair of eyes to sacrifice. In general a 3/10.

Song Lan: Makes up for Xiao Xingchen’s relatively low stress levels by picking up on the stress for both of them. Still chiller than a lot of people on this list, though, but there’s a lot of very stressed people in this show, so. 5/10.

Xue Yang: Manages his stress by making everyone else very stressed, on purpose. If he’s having a bad day he’ll go and make someone else have a worse day and it helps. At least until there’s a dead Xiao Xingchen and then nothing helps! But as a rule exists at a general 2/10 and honestly he deserves it.

A-Qing: Her life is inherently stressful because she is a street kid trying to make it in a world that is not very friendly to people with no structure supporting them, but she manages to bear it pretty well on the whole. Still, it’s hard being a-Qing. She just makes it look easy. Probably a 4 or 5/10.

Sect Leader Yao: He’s not stressed, but he’s very good at making everyone around him stressed every time he opens his mouth. His presence is a +2 to stress for everyone in his vicinity with the exception of Sect Leader Ouyang, who is for some reason immune. 0/10.

[softinkshadows]

Shingeki no Kyojin Astrology: sun-moon-rising combinations

I was looking around tumblr for detailed astrology speculations of my fave anime characters, but there aren't that many! Being q well-versed in astro myself, i thought why not do my own version (very spoiler-free, don’t worry)! I followed the birth dates given by isayama:

Eren Jaeger - Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising Aside from the fact that he can be hotheaded and impulsive, Eren's feelings of vengeance run deep and explosive. Remember that time he was chained to the bed after the attack on trost, and his eyes were wild with the need to violently eradicate all titans? He's so tenacious and emotionally stubborn too (a Scorp moon trait) to the point of being closed off from everyone else, especially towards the end where he seems to take the weight of the world's burden on his own shoulders. And all for the sake of protecting his community and ensuring the safety of his friends for the rest of their lives. His comrades and family are his motivation. This is his Cancer rising steering his life.

Mikasa Ackerman - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising "Look that moody brat is running off on her own again." Mikasa is similar to Eren in her impulsiveness and determination, but different in two ways- what they aim to protect and their extent of fearlessness. Eren is aware of his own weaknesses and helplessness, but Mikasa's amazing physical prowess makes her act without any hesitation at all. She's hella fierce and driven to keep herself in shape too, doing all those sit-ups and chopping firewood post-injury. I think she deserves a double Aries! An Aries rising means a Libra descendant too, which is reflected her whole-hearted devotion in her close partnerships (Eren and Armin). Her aquarius moon really shines thru with her stoic independence, focus and perseverance.

Armin Arlet - Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising He's the brain of the 104th cadet corps, and is second to Erwin in terms of strategy! An intelligent planner with low self-esteem often found second guessing his own analytical abilities, Armin is a true blue Virgo moon. His emotional self stands out the most from the main three protagonists - Eren & Mikasa mostly express anger and desperation, whereas Armin is usually shrouded in fear and worry. He's a very soft bb, hence the Pisces rising, not to mention he gets so dreamy imagining the sea, the vast plains, and the magical world beyond the walled universe he knows. A spiritually-attuned and curious explorer :")

Levi Ackerman - Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising Levi is such a complex person, thanks to Isayama's brilliance. Like many Cap suns, Levi is authoritative, cold and incredibly savage. That's not to say he doesn't feel anything either. Levi is an evolved Scorp moon (maybe even moon in 11th house) because his feelings are never for himself, but he hurts so much for others - you can tell every death hits him so hard, but he doesn't show this to anyone else. He also exudes this quietly intimidating aura of natural competence, a common characteristic of this sun-moon combo. He can take things personally as well (re: height issues) but it never snowballs into more than passing irritation. The turbulence of his emotions and habit for violence is balanced out by his earthy Virgo rising, which is emotionally subdued, quite thin and delicate in physique, and super neurotic and nitpicky when it comes to cleanliness and health. Cap, Virgo and Scorp are some of the most guarded signs, and a combi of all 3 are hellish. You can tell this poor beautiful man is always caught between feeling and thinking, between maintaining his humanity and forsaking it.

Erwin Smith - Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Leo rising In another life, Erwin Smith would be the damn CEO of a global conglomerate because he oozes so much charisma. Hell if charisma were energy Erwin Smith would be its prime, eternally renewable source. His stature alone is so commanding, and I find some strong Leonine traits in his thickset physique, strong eyebrows, beautiful hair, and that way he shouted in full glory atop wall Rose in that one episode to the cheering masses below. He might be a Libra sun, diplomatic in political affairs, but his Capricorn moon is what drives his decisions. Cap moon has a rep for being cold and unemotional, but i believe they are way more than that! Cap moons rarely boast about their long list of achievements, instead looking forward to the next goal. They struggle with emotional expression, and are super driven and disciplined. Erwin is capable of making the hardest decisions, putting aside emotions to strive for an abstract ideal, and this is to be expected of the commander who takes on the role of the devil.

Hange Zoe - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Gemini rising All hail our favourite mad scientist!! Hange is such a breath of fresh air in the Survey Corps, balancing out the heaviness of missions with their wacky tales of titan research and experimentation. Their penchant for study and higher knowledge is typical of a Sagittarius moon, who is drawn to advanced academic study and spiritual truths. It's also a lighthearted and optimistic sign, true to Hange's upbeat personality. The Virgo in them contributes to their sheer intelligence and obsessiveness with research subjects. We also know they LOVE to talk, and once Eren asks Hange about experiments, they cannot stop (Gemini governs communication). Virgo, Sag and Gemini are the most intellectual signs, and because they are mutuable Hange tends to follow orders rather than give them, making it difficult to adapt to their new role towards the end of the series. Mutable signs also means rapidly-changing emotional states, and a whole lot of chaos, which suits our beloved squad leader.

Jean Kirstein - Aries sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising Our third Aries on the list ohmygod. The snk universe is full of feisty hotheads. Jean is always seen clashing with Eren, fuelled by Eren's closeness with Mikasa and his own adorable jealousy. I mean, they had a full on fist fight right after dinner in the mess hall, although everything went downhill after the first few punches. Our first impression of Jean during his cadet days is coloured by his desire to work in the interior, and this favour for material safety and wealth is perhaps common to a Taurus rising. Also, Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and harmony, and thus often figures in the charts of artists. If you've seen Jean's drawing skills in that special episode, you'll know that his artistic abilities are the finest we have seen, exceeding even that of isayama himself. Jean's strong principles such as being averse to killing people and oftentimes cynical nature, is also characteristic of the moral and cautious Virgo moon.

Sasha Braus - Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising Not all Leos are showmans. Sasha is the type of Leo who displays more of the quirky, unabrashed personality suited to her opposite sister sign Aquarius. Authority doesn't exist when food comes into play, as we see when she breaks potato with Shadis and later steals a slab of meat from the officer's warehouse. Unlike the visual artistry that Jean possesses with his Taurus rising, Sasha's Taurus centers around her love for food, and hell she can have fiery determination for it (rmb the wild night she mistook Jean's hand for meat?). I love that both of them were pitted with each other in that cooking special episode. I considered placing her as a Taurus moon, but Taurus moons are usually steadier and classier in emotion, whereas Sasha is often breezy, gets nervous and chaotic, with stellar intuition, making her likely a Gemini moon.

Connie Springer - Taurus sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising Although not much attention is paid to Connie's growth, his character development reminds me a lot of Aang from ATLA. Cheery and happy-go-lucky at first, before the incident with his mother made him more prone to feelings of anger and vengeance, especially near the later chapters. His strong protective bond with his mother is what compels me to say he is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is very homebody and drawn to family and traditions. His goofy self and him referring to Sasha as "his twin" puts him as the spunky Gemini rising, another sign he shares with her.

Reiner Braun - Leo sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising Aside from his natural leader personality (Leonine), Reiner likes to take on the persona of the big brother of the group. His outward stoicism, decisiveness and task-oriented nature is typical of a Cap rising, who is often serious and solemn in appearance. He reminds me of that Cap rising workaholic who does his best in a corporate organization, working 9 to 5 plus overtime as it fulfills his sense of purpose. Beyond his stoic facade reveals a more troubled personality. Like a Pisces moon, Reiner is impressionable, and it's difficult to tell if his emotions and personalities are his own, wavering and absorbing traits from those around him. His internal war with his identity and the ensuing fatigue characterises him during the second half of the series.

Annie Leonhart - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising Annie is the kind of Aries that is so motivated to achieve her goals that everything else is sidelined, including her own emotions. She's quite ruthless in chasing her objectives, and her composure, focus and endurance is highlighted with an Aquarius moon. I'm guessing she has a 4th house influence somewhere because of her motivations to go home to her father and lead a normal life. I find the daintiness and delicateness of her features similar to Levi, who is also a Virgo rising. The Virgo effect also registers as a brutal, unfiltered honesty (also seen in Levi), and Annie doesn't hesitate to speak the truth about her own or her opponent's capabilities.

Other characters which I won't go into much detail about:

Bertholdt Hoover - Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising Bertholdt is quiet with an unobtrusive personality. His lack of supposed iniative and aggression can perhaps be attributed to the mutuability of Virgo and Pisces, which goes with the flow instead of charging forward. He keeps his feelings to himself, but reacts when the people he wants to protect are threatened.

Historia Reiss - Capricorn sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising Historia initially lives for the sake of others (esp Ymir), and is more co-dependent than many of her other squadmates. She also tends to put up a front of pleasantness, afraid of disappointing or offending people. She has a strong tie to family, and a profound sense of duty.

Ymir - Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, Aries rising Ymir is extremely astute when it comes to evaluating human behaviour. The religiosity of her background is also usually found in this sun-moon combination, which tends to attract paths of strong spirituality. She also has a bold and noble sacrificial streak for the sake of her companions.

Zeke Jaeger - Leo sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising A headstrong, intelligent and radical character. In a way similar to Erwin in his ruthlessness, but emotionally darker and much more sinisterly private.

Kenny Ackerman - Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon

Rod Reiss - Virgo sun, Libra moon

Dot Pixis - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon

Hannes - Capricorn sun, Taurus moon

[blacksunscorpio]

What does it mean when I have a Capricorn signature?

Signature Sign In Astrology

You might have heard the term signature sign thrown around if you’ve been studying astrology for a while. Others of you might not have heard if this concept at all. It isn’t as well-known, however, it can reveal significant information about you.

What it Means

To put it plainly, the astrological signature sign is the zodiac sign that’s the most specific to you and your character.

How to find it

It involves noting which element and quality/modality appear the most or has the most signs and then combining them into a zodiac sign which is taken to be the signature sign of the chart. It will be easy to do because certain characteristics of signs will repeat themselves. It’s the most frequent modality and element in your natal chart.

Ex. 1 A person has more fire signs than any other element, and more fixed signs than any other quality, then that person's signature is Leo. In some cases, there is no clear majority in either element or quality to give a clear signature. When this occurs, an individual has an Ambiguous Signature.

Ex. 2  Let’s say you are a Taurus Sun, a fixed earth sign. But many planets in mutable signs take up residence in your chart. In addition, you have a multitude of planets in water. This makes you feel like a Neptunian/Pisces, which is a mutable water sign. You might not have many or any for that matter significant placements in Pisces but somehow still identify with the qualities of the sign to a great extent.

How To Find It Cont.

You weigh the elements and modalities of the sign where a planet is located in your chart. Begin with the Sun, next Moon and repeat this process for all the planets in your natal chart: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. The ascendant and the Midheaven also have to be considered.

Signature Signs Through The Zodiac

Aries signature

If Aries is your signature sign, you are ambitious and have a strong will. Boss-like. Warrior. Killer instinct. Can sometimes be hot-headed and impulsive, it happens that you act before you think instead of the other way around which can get you into serious trouble. Don’t be Oberyn from GoT and get cocky now. However, you’re a born leader and like to initiate things. Taking action is your second nature. No one will ever pull the Hermit card or 4 of cups for you in a Tarot reading. Way too active. A straightforward sign, which sometimes blends into bluntness, bossiness, or take-no-prisoners attitude. Being independent is very important to you. You hate being told what to do. You like to work alone if you can. Competitive and brave, someone who loves new challenges. You love to win. Will always be after new opportunities to conquer.

Taurus signature 

If Taurus is your astrological signature sign, you prefer to think before you act. Need a lot of time to make a decision, but once it’s done, nothing can make you change your mind. You are incredibly stubborn and persistent. Taurus is the sign of hedonism. If this is your signature sign in astrology, you know how to enjoy life. You appreciate good food, beautiful clothes, and everything luxurious. Taurus craves stability, both financially and emotionally. You are dependable and passionate. Love to cook and or shop for expensive and good quality things. Can be jealous in love or possessive as well. Bullheaded to the point of no return but just as ambitious when it comes to cultivating stability and wealth.

Gemini signature

If Gemini is your signature sign, you are curious, witty, and chatty. You are a great observant, someone who notices every detail, and then make a pun about it. Gemini is incredibly smart. They love to read and write, and they are usually talented when it comes to expressing themselves. However, Gemini because of their mercurial flighty nature can lack focus if they don’t reign it in somehow. This flightiness can give others the impression that they are sometimes superficial. You get bored veryyy quickly. Because of this, you need a lot of mental stimulation. Geminis are life-long learners, they are simply in love with knowledge. Need to be sure to keep that devil and angel [your twins] aligned so as to not make enemies or be seen as two-faced.

Cancer signature 

If Cancer is your signature sign in astrology, you are a gentle soul. However, you become easily overwhelmed with others. Cancer is a crab and will retreat into its shell if it’s not in the mood to deal. Can be moody and or need a lot of time on your own, in the safety of your home. They like to be surrounded by family members. You are soft and caring. HIGHKEY intuitive and can sense the emotions of others easily [especially when developed.] They are extremely protective of their loved ones. Will pinch you with their claws if you mess with them or someone they care about.

Leo signature

If your signature sign is Leo, you have a big heart. Quite warm and sincere. Famous for its generosity. They, like Jupiterians like to give- especially in terms of love and affection. Leos need luxury around them. They are the royalty of the zodiac, right? They enjoy being around others, making people laugh and cheering them up. Have lots of energy but a big ego to go with it. They love attention and might court it often or simply get it naturally since the Sun is in the mix here. Too much of the negative manifestation of Leo can make one prone to arrogance, bossiness, and boastfulness. It’s important to realize that this wounds people around you. If you show others your soft side, they will give you all the love you crave.

Virgo signature 

If Virgo is your signature sign, you are modest, effective, and helpful. Deeply analytical and process information at the drop of a hat. Productivity is very important to you. Virgos have a high attention to detail, and they solve problems by analyzing them. Rational and cerebral thinking is one of your greatest strengths. Quite reliable and have a strong sense of duty. Can be hyper-critical and a bit too compulsive in their tendencies. Prone to nervousness and anxious habits. However, this sign has a very powerful brain. They prefer thinking over feeling, which can be sometimes challenging for them. 

Libra signature 

If your signature sign is Libra, you’ll be quite elegant. Venusian, baby. No matter what they do, they’ll make sure to do it with their face on and in their best attire. Libras are graceful and charming. They have great social skills, and they get along with everyone. However, sometimes they don’t stand up for themselves even when they should or because they wish to avoid conflict at all costs. They can also be a bit superficial which might be perceived as “fake” by some. There’s a deep need to be liked. Quite good taste though. Keen artistic talents. Great diplomats and would do well as an ambassador or even in HR [actually, please think about getting into Human Resources, there are way too many pieces of shit in this particular department]. This sign strives to create harmony, both visually and in interpersonal relationships.

Scorpio signature 

If your signature sign is Scorpio, you possess the qualities of Pluto. You have a deep mind, are intense and probing with perhaps a bit of a mysterious aura. You make a perfect detective. Nothing stays hidden. Quite loyal and passionate with intense emotions. Intuition is superb, but you are very sensitive at the same time. Scorpio can become obsessed with the object of their love. May be prone to jealousy in love or be quite ruthless and vengeful if slighted. It’s important NOT to get on this person’s bad side because Scorpios rarely [if ever] forgive. Is probably very sexual or unmatched in bed. Might end up rich [Pluto=wealth]. Might become a Mafia-boss. Might become a dictator. Might run a funeral home. Depends, lol.

Sagittarius signature

Expansion. Jupiter rules this sign and as a result one with this signature loves new experiences that aid them in understanding the world better. Optimistic and with a great sense of humor, people love being around them. They have high energy levels and they are always on the go. If your signature sign is Sagittarius, you have an unshakable faith in the universe. Philosophical prowess and an open mind with a streak of jolliness The sign of philosophy, and always looking towards the bright side. Might be blunt, unattached, and a bit dramatic or louder than most, however, lucky breaks might come often or in the nick of time. Makes sense since Jupiter rules luck.

Capricorn signature 

If Capricorn is your signature sign, there are significant earthy vibes to you, no matter your actual sign. Said native is reliable, efficient, and incredibly meticulous, and high-key ambitious. There’s a great need for success that borderlines on obsession. They are empowered by executive achievements and accomplishments. Order, structure, and discipline are paramount. Capricorns are famous in astrology for being known as hard workers who put a lot of effort into achieving their goals. They do not give up. They will climb the ladder, do or die. Typically will be quite successful in life. Often accused of being cold or cruel. Hell, they might be. Still, they are in need and are deserving of love and commitment. Reliable in a relationship once they decide to stop restricting themselves of affection and give in.

Aquarius signature 

Unique and eccentric, you always notice it when you meet an Aquarian. If Aquarius is your signature sign, you prefer to live life on your own terms. Freedom is your most important value in life. You enjoy being around like-minded people, even though your relationships are usually not of an emotional nature. Aquarius is the sign of brilliance in astrology. I always say that Aquarians have the highest levels of analytical intelligence but sometimes get written off because they can be weirdos lol. Mad scientist vibes. Wonderful ideas, fascinated by everything new and modern. Tech geeks. Aquarius is also the sign of humanitarian ideals. If you have this sign strong in your chart, you have a strong sense of justice.

Pisces signature

If Pisces is your signature sign, you have a very strong intuition. Quite sensitive to the point that all that white noise can easily overwhelm them. Hard to make out reality sometimes. Hence, Pisces needs to spend a lot of time alone in suspension thinking about things. Compassionate and have a strong sympathy for those suffering. Great healing abilities and an even greater imagination and creative streak. Probably feels quite good around water and can have a psychic knack with animals. Can be very musical and often have strong artistic talents. Be sure to tether yourself to this world so as to not float off. Escapism is okay but don’t escape reality too much. You may have come from another realm but in this incarnation, you were placed here for a reason. You belong here on earth with us ;).  

[celiabowens]

Book recommendations, Literary Fiction edition(?)

A companion to this post (which should be updated, at some point lol)

Short Story Collections: 

Salt Slow by Julia Armfield: grotesque and disquieting collection about women and their experience in society, how they view and perceive their own body and desires. Pretty strong mythic, magical realism, body horror elements in here.

The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks: fascinating collection in which Sacks reminishes some particularly odd stories of patients who had to cope with bizarre neurological disorders.

Home Remedies by Xuan Juliana Wang: a collection focused on the Chinese millennial experience. Stories about love and loss, family, immigration and the uncertainty of the future. (also there’s an extremely beautiful short story about a pair of Chinese divers that broke me forever!!!)

Bestiary: The Selected Stories by Julio Cortázar: unforgettable selection of short stories that mix surreal elements to everyday life and apparently ordinary events. Would also recommend All Fires the Fire by the same author.

Novels:

How Much of These Hills is Gold by C. Pam Zhang: one of the biggest debuts of 2020, it follows two recently orphaned children through the gold rush era. An adventurous historical fiction piece that focuses on themes like gender, identity and immigration, this is one of my favorites 2020 reads so yeah, I’d really push it in anyone’s hands to be honest.

Burial Rites by Hannah Kent: historical fiction inspired by the last days of a young woman accused of murder in Iceland in the 1820s. A quite bleak, but beautiful novel (the prose is stunning).

The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave: historical fiction novel set in Norway in the 17th century, following the lives of a group of women in a village that recently (barely) survived a storm that killed all of the island’s men. 

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead: the 2020 winner of the Pulitzer Prize. The book follows the lives of two boys sentenced to a reform school in Jim Crow-era Florida. A bleak, but important book, with a shocking final twist (side note, I’ve been recommended The Underground Railroad by Whitehead as well, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. If you’re looking for something quite peculiar, if a bit less refined when compared to The Nickel Boys, The Intuitionist is a quite odd pulpy noir set in an alternate NY about...elevator inspectors *and racism*). 

The Leavers by Lisa Ko: haunting book about identity and immigration as the main character is apparently abandoned by his own mother (an undocumented Chinese immigrant) during his childhood. Mainly a story about living in between places and constantly feeling out of place. 

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa: when everyone would probably recommend Murakami (not much against Murakami besides his descriptions of women and their boobs), I suggest checking out some of Ogawa’s books. The recently translated The Memory Police, published in Japan in the mid 90s, is an orwellian dystopian novel set on an unnamed Island where memories slowly disappear. Would also really recommend The Housekeeper and The Professor, a really short novel about a housekeeper hired to clean and cook for a math professor who suffered an injury that causes him to remember new things for only 80 minutes. 

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: Ocean Vuong’s debut novel, following a son writing a letter to his illiterate mother. The book seems quite polarising due to Vuong’s writing style (his poetry background is really quite clear and the book doesn’t really follow a regular narrative, rather than portrays events and memories in brief flashes), but I loved it and I’d really just recommend going into it without knowing much? It’s a beautiful exploration of language, family history, trauma, sexuality and more.

Exist West by Mohsin Hamid: this book was fairly popular when it came out (in 2017 I believe) and was often incorrectly marketed as magical realism. Hamid’s book is a brief and quietly brutal journey with a few fantastical elements, following a couple trying to escape their city in the middle of war, as they hear about peculiar doors that can whisk people far away. The doors are, of course, a quite effective metaphor for the immigrant experience and the book does a great job at portraying the main characters’ relationship. 

Family Trust by Kathy Wang: this has a really low rating on goodreads which...wow i hate that. Family Trust is a literary family saga/drama about a Chinese-American family residing in the Silicon Valley. It’s often been compared to Crazy Rich Asians, but I believe it to be more on the literary side and definitely less lighthearted. 

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee: historical family saga (one of my favorites tbh, I’m absolutely biased, but this book deserved more hype) set in Korea and Japan throughout the 20th century, following four generations of a Korean family. While I wasn’t the biggest fan of the prose, the book has really great characterisation and absolutely fascinating characters. (I’d suggest checking out eventual TW first, in this case). 

The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker: another recent read, The Silence of the Girls, while not faultless, is a pretty good retelling of The Iliad, narrated through Briseis’ perspective. The prose can feel a bit too modern at times, but it provides the reader with some really strong quotes and descriptions. 

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng: and also Little Fires Everywhere by the same author, to be honest. If you’re looking for really really good family dramas, with great explorations of rather complex and nuanced relationships? You should just check out her stuff. Vibrant characters, good writing, and some superb portrayal of longing here. 

Nutshell by Ian McEwan: i’m starting with this one only to grab your attention (if you’ve even reached this part lol, congrats), but McEwan’s one of my favorite authors and I’d recommend almost everything I’ve read by him? Nutshell, specifically, is a really odd and fun retelling of Hamlet...told from the pov of an unborn baby. But really, I’d also recommend Atonement (of course), The Children Act, Amsterdam? All good stuff. 

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles: I’ve read this book this summer and, while I’m still unsatisfied with the ending, I’d thoroughly recommend this? The novel follows Count Alexander Rostov, who, in 1922, is sentenced to a lifetime of house arrest in the Metropol, a luxurious hotel in the center of Moscow. A singular novel, funny and heartbreaking at once, following a vibrant cast of characters as they come and go from Rostov’s secluded life. 

Human Acts by Han Kang: from the bestselling author of The Vegetarian (which honestly, I thoroughly despised lol), Human Acts focuses on the South Korean Gwangju uprising. It’s a really odd (and at times grotesque) experimental novel (one chapter is narrated from the pov of one of the bodies if I remember correctly), so one really has to be in the mood for it, but it’s a really unique experience, worth a chance.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: sort of a really chunky historical adventure novel following two artists in 1940s/1950s NY, who create a superhero and use him to wage a one man war on the Nazis. A bit slow in places (the pace can be uneven at times and the book is quite long), but an enjoyable novel that does a pretty good job when it comes to exploring rather classic themes of American contemporary fiction: the American dream and the figure of the artist (I think there’s a particularly interesting focus on how the artists navigates the corporate world and its rules) and their creative process.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel: this is a pretty classic rec, the book really got a lot of hype when it came out? It’s a dystopian-ish novel set after civilisation’s collapse, following a post-apocalyptic troupe (of Shakespearean actors). It’s a really odd, but surprisingly quiet book. Not sure if a pandemic is exactly the right time to read it, but I thoroughly recommend it. 

The Garden of Evening Mists by Tan Twan Eng: I feel like this book is extremely complex to summarise to be honest. In short, it’s a book set in Malaya at the end of the 1940s, following a woman who, after surviving Japanese wartime camps, spends her life prosecuting war criminals. But truthfully this book is about conflicts and contradictions and in particular about remembering and forgetting. Lovely prose. 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: and also The Goldfinch. I’m sure no one really needs me to introduce Donna Tartt?

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton: quite cerebral mystery set in New Zealand in 1866. Honestly you have to be a patient reader who enjoys novels with a pretty complex structure to like this, but if you’re into this sort of challenging read...go for it? It’s a book of interlocking stories (with 10+ pov and main characters) with a really fascinating structure based on astrological charts, which provide insight to the main characters’ traits and personality as the mystery unfolds.

The Hours by Michael Cunningham: ok...do not watch the movie first. The Hours is an incredibly difficult novel to describe to be honest: it begins by recalling the last moments of Virginia Woolf’s life, as she’s writing Mrs. Dalloway. The book focuses on three separate narratives, each one following a specific character throughout a single day of their own life. Goes without saying that I’d suggest being familiar with Mrs. Dalloway itself first though.

An Artists of the Floating World by Kazuo Ishiguro: not one of Ishiguro’s most famous works (most start reading his work with Never Let Me Go or The Remains of the Day), but probably my favorite out of those I’ve read so far. The novel follows  Masuji Ono, an artist who put his work in service of imperialist propaganda throughout WWII. Basically a reflection and an account of the artist’s life as he deals with the culpability of his previous actions. 

Stoner by John Williams: I feel like this is an odd book to recommend, because I don’t think someone can truly get the hype unless they read it themselves. Stoner is a pretty straight-forward book, following the ordinary life of an even more ordinary man. And yet it’s so compelling and never dull in its exploration of the characters’ lives and personalities. Also, I’ve just finished Augustus by the same author, which is an epistolary historical fiction novel narrating some of the main events of Augustus’ reign through letters from/by his closest friends and enemies. Really liked it. 

Do Not Say We Have Nothing by Madeleine Thien: back to integenerational family sagas (because I love those, in case it wasn’t clear lol), Do Not Say We Have Nothing follows a young woman who suddenly rediscovers her family’s fractured past. The novel focuses on two successive generations of a Chinese family through China’s 20th century history. While not every character got the type of development they deserved, the author does a good job when it comes to gradually recreating the family’s complex and nuanced history. 

There’s probably more but I doubt anyone’s going to reach the end or anything so. There’s that lol.

[ageof9thhouse]

Signs in the Seventh House

The house of “the other” is fittingly the domain of the sign of harmony - Libra. Libra is ruled by the planet Venus. Venus’s Greek deity is famously Aphrodite, the goddess of union and beauty. Aphrodite is born off the coast of Cythera from the foam produced by the Ancient God, Uranus's genitals. So there was no sexual intercourse making her existance be a little more on the superficial side. She was so beautiful that Zeus was afraid she’d cause conflict between the gods (which she did anyway) so he married her off to the ugliest but the most unproblematic God Hephaestus. We can see that the theme of “opposites” came into play right from the start. Despite this, she was unfaithful to him and had many lovers. The most famous one of her affairs being with the God of war Ares (Mars/Aries), her exact opposite. Another famous story is the “Venus and Adonis” in which Aphrodite is attracted to a young hunter who has no interest in love. Aphrodite, being used to be the one who is pursued is taking on the role of “the other” and turns into this aggressive seducer. She loses her own self identity in the act of pursuing someone who she sees as her equal. At one point, she even tries to dress like Artemis so that Adonis would think she is a huntress like him… So, this is the house of what you think of other people you encounter initially. The part of you that you want to avoid so instead you see it in other people. You are bound to encounter what you refuse to identify with. More than intimacy, this is a union of the minds the ruler of the house Libra being an air sign. Interacting with other people gives us more clues about who we are than who they are. There can be immediate attraction or repulsion, depending on what kind of a relationship the person has with THEMSELVES.

♈���Aries / Mars in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to take other people’s actions too personally. They might feel like the whole world is out to get them but that is not the case. One-on-one relationships build the person’s identity. They seek a partner who is fiery and a go-getter. Having a partner makes them feel sure of who they are. They may expect their partners to act or decide for them. People who’s got this aspect put harmony and balance in a relationship first. They expect honesty in relationships and they are very direct people themselves. They also jump into relationships way too quickly and end them abruptly. Even when putting balance first there is a sense of selfishness from time to time. They can expect much more in a relationship than they give. They might view themselves as faultless and be quick to blame the other party. Relationships for these people are always heated but also somehow light-hearted.   

♉︎Taurus / Venus (Day Chart) in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to value other people more than they deserve. At first, they are slow to trust people but once their trust is gained they dedicate their whole life to “the other”. One-on-one relationships have to be forever in the minds of these people. They seek a partner with who they are comfortable around. Someone who is trustworthy and stable and of course drop-dead-gorgeous.These people are not looking for a snack, they are looking for a whole meal. It is also common for those with this position to believe that money can buy them, love. Co-dependency patterns must be watched out for. They might become too attached to people and when they have to let go, they simply don’t want to. They view the people they love as their property almost. In a relationship, they think of themselves as the other party’s whole world. Relationships for these people have got to be based on true love and they have to be stable.    

♊︎Gemini / Mercury in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to be conflicted when it comes to dealing with other people. And they often try to be in multiple relationships at once since they really do think they can be in love with more than one person at the same time. One-on-one relationships can actually make them feel nervous because they have so much to say and share - so, even if they are not nervous they sure do come across as if they are because of the hectic energy. They seek a partner who is intelligent (but not more than them) and someone who keeps them on their toes at all times. They like the idea of teaching their partner something about life, so in all relationships, they come across as bossy or know-it-alls. The attraction for them is someone who experiences the chart owner as a teacher through life – they want someone who looks up to them. Relationships for these people have got to make sense. There is a tendency for these people to listen to their minds than their hearts when it comes to love. They always feel like they have to make a choice between options and it is common for them to change their minds often. 

♋︎Cancer / Moon in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to allow other people to affect themselves on a very emotional level. These people do shy away from one-on-one interactions because when they do, they tend to fall for people way too easily. Even the smallest act of care can win these people over who think of themselves to usually have a cold-exterior. They might seek a partner who reminds them of their mothers. A partner who is nurturing and perhaps older than them. They expect to be taken care of by their partners and be loved unconditionally. The partner in their lives has a lot of impact on their moods and overall sense of security. Co-dependency patterns must be watched out for. These people can easily be insecure when they do not feel like the person in front of them do not actually care for them. The unconditional love theme is highlighted here because if they do not feel like that, they might think that other people despise them. Two extreme cases...  Relationships for these people have got to be gentle and sincere. 

♌︎Leo / Sun in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to have a more naive attitude towards other people. These people usually seek out people who draw attention to themselves - someone who is confident enough to let their inner-child shine. They might also be more interested in people who remind them of something from their childhood. They like to interact with people since being social sparks their creative fires. They might act childish around people they especially fancy. Leo tends to want to dominate. In this case, the person with this placement might want to take control of the other’s personal choices or vice versa. Being in a relationship will boost the ego of these individuals and they just adopt a more positive point of view overall. They really like the idea of people helping each other to discover who they are in a lighthearted manner. Relationships for these people are like out of a movie. Very romantic at heart but often naive when it comes to love. 

♍︎Virgo / Ceres in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to be overly analytical of other people’s actions. These people may be very judgmental of their partners, especially when they don’t meet their expectations, which are pretty high. It is important for these people to remember to do their parts in one-on-one relationships, not just expecting their partners to do all the work. These people are attracted to people who seem to be put together. Interactions with others stress these people out since they are constantly up in their minds about how they come across especially when they fancy someone. In any partnership that a Virgo might form, it cannot be emphasized too much that there must not be a superficial partnership. These people want to dig deep down and knows every tiny thing about other people they encounter. Being in a relationship helps them to get their lives in order. For these people, relationships are based on people going out of their way to help each other.

♎︎Libra / Venus (Night Chart) in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to see other people as a threat to one’s own identity. There is an innate desire to harmonize with others but this desire can turn on them and lead them to do the exact opposite of this... to rebel. Libra is in its natural house here. However, these people may often forget that they have a role in the relationship that is other than receiving. They may perceive the relationship to be all about them and what the partner does to support and balance them while they maintain complete freedom to go off and do their own thing. Even a slight imbalance in the partnership may cause these people to give up on the relationship and go into another one. These people are attracted to good looking and peaceful people. Interactions with others often have a flirtatious vibe. They tend to think people fall in love with them easily when they also get easily attracted to people. Being in a relationship allows them to be in a more peaceful and comfortable mood. 

♏︎Scorpio / Pluto in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to be too intimate with other people from the get-go. Relationships are bound to be deep, intense, powerful, and profoundly intimate. They are all-in when they are in love with someone, sometimes to the point of obsession. With every partner who comes into their lives, they go through a deep transformation. Ending a relationship may feel like the end of the world until they construct another world with someone else. They may find that they attract partners that have depths of intimacy which can get scary sometimes. They are also very possessive over the ones they fancy to the point of losing themselves in the agony of jealousy. In their interactions with other people, they like to bring up the most hidden parts about themselves just to test what they would think about it. They are very attracted to people who are more on the mysterious side and who scream sexual energy. They like to dive deep into things they do not understand. A complicated personality is their ideal partner which can turn toxic real quick. They often confuse lust with love and form deep connections with people they should avoid.  

♐︎Sagittarius / Jupiter in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to try to out-do other people right from the start. They are usually attracted to people who give off the vibe that they do not have a care in the world. Even though they are very easy to form relationships they are mostly attracted to those who are “out of their league” or who play hard to get. They view relationships as a way to prove themselves to themselves... They learn a lot through partnerships since mind-expanding conversations is a way of flirting. Being in a relationship puts them in a good mood but they prefer to keep the emotional aspect of things light. They love to explore and be adventurous…and they love it, even more, when they have a partner on their side to experience this journey. Interacting with other people gives them very high dosages of energy. They enjoy studying other people’s motives and giving them advice about their lives even if it is none of their business. 

♑︎Capricorn / Saturn in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to feel undeserving of the person in front of you’s attention. Interacting with other people causes great anxiety which makes these people come across awkward. But when they work on themselves and push themselves out of their comfort zones they are masters at bonding with people. When they learn their Saturn lessons they are great at dealing with people and usually influence them a lot. These people tend to be attracted to those who remind them of their father or a dominant parent figure. They find ambition to be highly attractive. They are also very careful with who they pick as a partner. If they jump into a relationship too quickly it can cause great distress. Taking their time in partnerships is important for these people. A relationship should be built on solid ground - a tower moment is something hard for them to get over. When they are in a relationship they feel like they have a purpose (which should not be necessary). They take relationships very seriously. 

♒︎Aquarius / Uranus in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to try to play it cool and look unbothered when encountering people. These people tend to fall in love with people who are aloof and interesting. There is also this theme of falling for friends or friend-zoning people once they learn that they like them back. Yes. They usually love the game more than the player - meaning the thrill of the chase is what gets them going in romance. When interacting with other people they come across very friendly and they also view everybody as their friend, so when they are hurt by someone who is just an acquaintance it feels like a betrayal from a close friend. A relationship for them should be based on a very close friendship and once they are in love with someone that person becomes their whole World, and they expect the same in return. When they are in a relationship, they embrace their weird sides and be more bold about expressing themselves with someone who has accepted them as who they are on their side. 

♓︎Pisces / Neptune in the 7th House:

There is a tendency to lose oneself in other people’s ideals. The boundaries are very blurred between the individual and other people. They are huge people-pleasers and want to meet up to other people’s expectations. The good side is they are very capable of overcoming obstacles - the downside is they only do it when someone else asks for it. They are attracted to people who move them in a spiritual way. They like the idea of having a soul-mate. There is magic to this position and the greatest potential for a fairytale ending is hidden here, if only there is enough faith and devotion to reach this destination coming from both sides. These people dedicate their lives to others and lose their selves. Being in a relationship makes them feel like they are living in a dream, they have to watch out for the warning signs though since the dream can turn into a nightmare and they would only realize it after they wake up from it - if they ever can. 

(Art: “Venus and Adonis” by Charles-Joseph Natoire)

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I don't get it - what's wrong with the BB interview? Even you've addressed how PTD wasn't that great yet still raced to #1. They could change their rules but to what exactly? It's a popularity chart. If the same people are streaming the same song over and over - is that not precisely what manipulating the charts is? I mean, we're smart and found a great loop hole but how is this great for the boys? Making them think they're more popular than they actually are? PTD was weak, man and I love them??

I'm really glad you asked me this question because I wanted a chance to talk about what I did find insightful about the article. To be honest, when I started reading the article I thought "They're right", but the more I read it the more the lack of professionalism and the clear agenda it had bothered me.

First of all, talking about chart manipulation isn't a bad thing. But paying a group to be on the cover of your magazine and mentioning their achievements only to question them isn't the right way to do it. You think they'd do this with anyone else? Had it been Dua Lipa, the article would've been about her artistry and achievements in the industry, and she would've been portrayed in a positive light. Did BB even treat BTS as artists? To me they were only treated as an interesting phenomenon.

BB could've done an exposé on BTS and chart manipulation, but not like this. It's a bit rich for BB to question BTS only. Instead of opening a discussion about the merit of the charts and the ways the industry circumvents BB's guidelines, the article points fingers only at BTS, implying that, in contrast with Dua or Olivia, BTS are cheating the charts. BB essentially avoids taking responsibility for its own methods and its influence in the industry by saying BTS are the only ones compromising the legitimacy of the charts and their value. It's an easy way to make BB look good and BTS look bad - the charts and the US industry aren't the problem, BTS and the Korean music industry are. Throughout the whole article, the way they talked about the "fascinating" case of HYBE and BTS's success felt more like an insult than a compliment, or even an objective analysis. Anything related to Kpop or Korea was more or less used against BTS.

Second of all, the way they discussed chart manipulation was deeply flawed. They didn't lie about Army's strategies nor were they wrong to question the ethics of mass buying, but they should've done their research first. Quoting twitter users, alluding to "experts", admitting they didn't know exactly how Army operated, etc. is really bad journalism. They want to expose BTS for chart manipulation without proper evidence? The language they used conveyed ambiguity and uncertainty too. They never explicitly stated things, it was all hearsay. What kind of journalism is this?

But, again, even if they had done their research, targeting BTS without likewise exposing other artists on the charts is having a clear bias.

The article was also very interested in HYBE. This is another interesting topic, sure, but HYBE isn't BTS. If they wanted to write about HYBE they should've done so in another article. And it's telling that they talked about HYBE almost exclusively in an unflattering light. What they said wasn't false: for example, they questioned the company's longevity and worth due to their undeniable dependence on BTS - I agree with that, but what about HYBE's success story? BB aren't anticapitalism. They are pro-money hungry companies, and HYBE is certainly smart when it comes to money. Were it any other company, BB would've been all over that. But with HYBE they mention Army, and how HYBE exploited the fan-artist relationship, as the reason behind the label's success only to make HYBE and Army look bad. Artists profit from their fans, but usually no one talks about it; it's bad form. We talk about how cool and iconic Beyoncé is, not the amount of money she made, directly or indirectly, from her fans - or rather, the money she makes from her fans is legit and not worth questioning, unlike the money BTS make from Army. (As an aside, had Beyoncé been on their cover, do you think BB would've questioned the legitimacy of her feminism/activism due to the money she earned from a clothing line made at sweatshops employing mostly woc?...)

I agree that the relationship between BTS and Army is interesting, but streaming is only the tip of an iceberg that BB didn't bother to uncover.

To me, it's clear they had an agenda. The way they spoke about BTS's diplomatic passports, HYBE, Army, the charts, etc. - all of it had a negative connotation and contributed to the narrative of BTS being shady or puppets, or whatever. It was more of the "dark side" of Kpop. Why does no one talk about the dark side of American pop?

Also, like I mentioned, the article tackled too many topics. If you want to talk about HYBE, write an article about HYBE - the company's executives were quoted more than most of the members; it doesn't make sense. And if you want to talk about chart manipulation, that's a separate topic that shouldn't be the main focus of a magazine Army is expected to buy. Who, if not Army, is expected to buy the 7 different editions for each member? Army is supposed to buy an article slamming them and BTS?

There is a time and a place to discuss these things. Most of what was said was legitimate, but the authors twisted the truth to fit their narrative when they refused to do actual research on the topic, quoted fans of artists competing with BTS on the charts, and refused to look at chart manipulation as a whole and how other artists are attempting it as well (they even pointed out that other artists' fans try to do what Army does but less successfully - which is why they are... what, more innocent than Army?...).

Another thing that was unprofessional was the fact that BTS were rarely quoted directly. On the last part of the article, regarding the English singles, I can't even form an opinion on what was said due to the ambiguous, even manipulative way, the section was written. They quote an executive on how BTS compromised with the company and make it seem like BTS were unwilling to release English tracks (which fits their narrative), but they don't quote the members themselves. In the initial article I read they noted that RM remembered the situation differently and quote him saying "There was no alternative", which made it seem like RM was never in conflict with HYBE. But now the article states "RM wasn’t fond of the idea, though he acknowledges it was a crucial way to keep buzz alive during the pandemic. “There was no alternative,” he says.", and now it seems like RM opposed Dynamite at first, contradicting the initial article. This correction only corroborates with BB's narrative. But what about the members that were allegedly in favor of the single? And why is Jin only quoted to share the struggles of recording the song? Why was nothing positive said about Dynamite when we know for a fact they must've said it? It simply wasn't interesting to BB. The members were only quoted when they had something juicy to say, and we were never offered much context or told what question they were replying to, what tone they used or how it fit the real time conversation BTS were having with each other and with the interviewers.

Essentially, although the writers didn't lie about most things, the article was biased, ambiguous, unprofessional and lacking in direction. It was like three insufficiently researched and prejudiced articles in one.

Also, while PTD wasn't that great, there are many not so great songs that make it to n.1 on BB. Being great has nothing to do with your results in the chart. Many artists make songs no one really likes yet we're forced to listen to them on the radio anyway. Fans streaming like it's their job and bulk buying songs isn't right, but at the very least you can say that it is their choice, and it reflects the fans love for their artist even if it doesn't always reflect their love for the song. A lot of American artists have it easy and top the charts with generic songs that the GP listens to without even meaning to - they're just shoved down our throats by their labels. That's chart manipulation too, isn't it? What is BB supposed to represent? Popularity? If so, maybe BTS don't deserve the top spot, but maybe those artists who do only get that number 1 because their labels know how to put them up there. If more artists had the same treatment that artists like Dua Lipa get, then maybe the n. 1 song would be different. Isn't that chart manipulation as well?

[isis-astarte-diana]

Milk and Honey: Day 3

Day 1 ‖ Day 2 ‖ Day 3 (Fin)

Summary: “I think we need to talk about yesterday.” Inches are lost; miles are gained; things are said that can’t be unsaid.

Warnings: Tiny bit of non-sexual nudity and also, separately, a sexual reference. Dodgy dynamics (I tried to fix them!). Angst with a happy ending.

Word Count: 3880

NB: This chapter was such a struggle to figure out and I think it shows (!!) but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Also, yes, I did write another ‘Missy and reader watching a horror film’ scene, and no, I won’t apologise for it. (Maybe there should be a seasonal Hallowe’en film night fic?) I consider this the end of the story!

You think it’s the rain that’s woken you.

It’s deafening against the window, a downpour that floods the road outside so that the sound of each passing car is turned into a crashing wave. The room is black as pitch. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust and make forms of the shadows.

“Go back to sleep.”

Missy’s voice close behind you makes you jump. You twist around awkwardly, tangling your legs in the duvet, and almost smack your face into her elbow. She’s reclining on top of the sheets beside you. In the inky gloom you can just make out the pillows propping her up against the headboard, the open book she holds in her lap.

What time is it? The first hazy thought shakes loose in your mind. Almost immediately afterwards, how long has she been awake?

What comes out is thick and groggy. “Too dark to read.”

“Hmm.” It’s not quite a chuckle. She turns the page, a slow, rasping sound near your ear. “Is it dark to you?”

There’s something low and melancholic in her voice that makes you frown. You try to sit up, propping yourself up with one arm, but the duvet pulls tight and stops you halfway. You’d hoped to see her face better by moving; the shadows give no such clarity. She’s featureless in the dark.

“Go back to sleep,” she says again, not waiting for an answer. “It’s early.”

“And you?” Your head falls back to the pillow of its own accord. Wakefulness is still out of reach, a tendril of smoke that you cannot grasp. “Will you sleep?”

No response.

Even as your eyes close and you slip back into unconsciousness, you can feel her gaze on your face, warm and ticklish. Or maybe it’s her hand.

+++++

Missy is brushing her hair.

Eyes half-closed, you pretend not to watch her. She stands in front of your mirror, purple housecoat flowing around her like something from a fairy tale, sweeping a wooden brush through the tangles. Four hairpins jut from her mouth.

I’m glad you changed your mind about the bed.

The swelling there is gone. A ragged line is all that remains, dark through her pale pink bottom lip. She sets the hairbrush down and drags a pin from between her teeth, running it across the scab. Her eye twitches.

I think we need to talk about yesterday.

Red splotches on her cheek mark the place where the graze had been, new skin that looks tight and itchy. Parts of the large cut are healed completely. It’s only by the faint purple scratches - one below her eye, one on her jaw - that you can even find where she was injured. She twirls a lock of hair around her finger and pins it at the back of her head.

I don’t know what to do.

Your throat feels tight. She finishes putting her hair up, skilful and unhurried, eyes never flitting from the mirror.

I wish you would look at me.

Slender fingers chart the healed cuts on her face.

I wish you would touch me.

She unbuttons the housecoat and drops it from her shoulders, revealing her chemise. She twists as if to look over her shoulder. It’s no significant state of undress but you clamp your eyes shut all the same.

A long moment of silence passes.

“Could you look at my back?”

Her voice is soft. When you open your eyes, she’s turned back to the mirror, having shrugged off the gown and hooked it over her arm. The white linen chemise ends just above her knees. Her pale calves are dappled with fine, dark hair.

“Please. I can’t quite see it in the mirror.”

You throw the duvet off and sit up, skin prickling with goosebumps as it meets the cool morning air. Outside the rain is torrential. “Of course.” Your voice is still groggy.

She tilts her head as you approach. A single strand of hair hangs loose at her neck. It stirs with your breath.

“Can I-?” Your fingers hover at the embroidered straps on her shoulders, not touching, not asking. Just waiting.

“Please,” she says again.

There is no right way to ease the top of the dress down her arms. You search for something to look at that won’t make your chest hurt but there’s only her bare shoulders, her bright eyes in the mirror. Closing your eyes would be insulting. So would turning your face away.

You can do nothing but watch her shoulder blades twitch as you guide the straps down past her elbows. The fabric droops, falling clear to her waist. She shivers but makes no effort to cover her chest. Your eyes drop to the small of her back.

“Well?”

There’s an indent, a quarter of an inch deep, maybe more. The new skin that lines it is a furious shade of pink. It’s sickle-shaped, with jagged edges, curving to the left of her spine. You catch your fingers drifting towards it and clench them into a fist at your side.

“It looks good.” You clear your throat. “It’s healing. No swelling or anything.”

“But not healed yet?” A strange sort of optimism tints the question.

“No, not- not properly. It still looks...” Painful. “Fresh.”

“Good.” She tugs her chemise back into place hastily. “That it’s healing. That’s good.”

“Yeah.” Still cold, you reach for your dressing gown and draw it around yourself. “I’m, uh - I’m gonna go for a shower, okay?”

“Of course.”

She fastens her housecoat with quick fingers. 

+++++

When you find Missy reading on the sofa, there are two steaming mugs on the coffee table in front of her.

She’s gotten changed.

It’s nothing you haven’t seen before - the dark floral blouse, the wool skirt - but it feels uncanny. Somehow, seeing her in her chemise or in a pair of your pyjamas is less bizarre than this, her usual clothes with a softer silhouette, no corset, no boots. She has her legs tucked beneath her and her back angled away from the cushions in a way that’s startling unfamiliar. She looks relaxed. She looks comfortable.

“I made tea,” she says, and you realise that you’re staring.

“For me?” It sounds pathetically surprised.

“No. They’re both mine.” She glances up at you with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, for you.” An arrogant, sarcastic sort of lopsided smirk; a faint flicker of her usual self. It makes your heart flutter.

“Thank you, Missy.”

She blinks. When was the last time somebody said that?

You take the cup and sit beside her. Her foot, stocking-pale and peeking out beneath the folds of her skirt, brushes your leg. You don’t flinch. Neither does she. To keep from reaching down and resting your palm on her ankle you wrap both hands around your mug. In times of desperation you can undress her, in darkness or in anger she can lay her hands on you to push you away or pull you close, but by the cold light of a rainy noontime you don’t know where you stand.

You don’t know the rules of this game.

As you drink your tea in silence - save for the occasional drag and rasp of a page turning - the words roll over and over behind your teeth, a tangle you try and fail to straighten out before speaking aloud. There’s too much to unravel. Too many thoughts, emotions, sensations are knotted together, and how do you ask if she feels what you feel when you don’t know what that is?

How do you ask if you can touch her?

How do you explain that you want to?

Missy watches you from the corner of her eye. It’s clear from the set of her jaw that she can sense something of the tumult in your skull. You wish she would put the book down and stop pretending to ignore you. You wish she would speak first.

You wish she would hold your hand.

“What are you reading?” You ask, and immediately wish that you hadn’t when she lifts her eyes from the page and sets them on you. They crinkle at the corners with her smile.

“Immensely dull,” she admits as she shows you the cover. It’s a nondescript black hardback titled in an unfamiliar language. “He’s been telling me to read it for centuries. I let it gather dust in the vault just to get under his skin.”

You can see where this is going. “And now he’s conveniently forgotten to bring you any other books?”

“Clever girl.” You hope she doesn’t see the way it makes your fingers twitch. Dropping her gaze back to the book in her lap, she shifts just enough that her foot rests against the outside of your thigh. She leaves it there.

“I think-”

The words come out before you can stop them and now it’s happening. You’ve lit the fuse. Missy looks at you again, properly this time, and you’d do anything for her to jump in and plug this gap with a derisive, do you? or, try not to strain yourself  but she doesn’t. She just waits. It hurts to meet her eyes.

You do it anyway. She deserves that much.

“I think we need to talk about yesterday.”

She nods, almost imperceptible. Something cracks behind her smile but it stays put, too wide, too false to be comfortable. “Do we?” It’s hollow. Not a question, not a snarl. Maybe a scoff.

Maybe a plea.

The doorbell rings.

+++++

In the doorway to your flat the Doctor proffers a damp plastic bag. The smell of hot oil and chip shop vinegar rises from it in a haze. It instantly makes you hungry.

In his other hand he carries a folded umbrella, wet from the rain.

"I brought food,” he says, and you realise that you’re staring.

“Is that-”

“Yes.” He taps the end of Missy’s sonic umbrella against the ground. “Can I come in?”

Uncertain. Like he thinks you might actually say no. He looks down at his full hands, the chips, the sonic; peace offerings. The closest to an apology you could ever expect, and one you aren’t quite ready to accept.

You don’t know when you got so angry with him.

“Did you do anything to it?”

“No,” he says, fire in his eyes, and it means I would never. You know his vehemence is supposed to be an olive branch, too, but it incenses you. He understands the notion that some things are sacred. He knows that there is a line and this is where he’s drawn it, too far on the wrong side of cruelty.

You stand to the side to let him through the door. When he’s close enough, you snatch the umbrella from his hand.

+++++

Missy is so different when he’s there.

She sits up straighter. Even when he takes your seat beside her, banishing you to sit cross-legged on the floor, she keeps her distance. Her feet are back on the ground. The book that she was reading is, you can see from your low vantage point, hidden beneath the sofa.

The umbrella is propped up against the coffee table in front of her. It doesn’t leave her sight for an instant.

“So,” he inspects a chip on the end of his fork. “You look better.”

“Than you?” A tilt of her eyebrow. “Always.”

He ignores it. “How’s recovery going?”

“Tiresome. Next time I get stabbed I’ll make sure that it kills me.”

Next time I get stabbed. Your stomach twists painfully and you put the remains of your meal aside. Their tight back-and-forth continues for almost half an hour.

When the Doctor gets up to leave, Missy sees him out, closing the living room door behind her. In a bid to ignore the low murmur of their voices in the hall, you tidy up as loudly as you can.

+++++

Four knocks against the doorframe, just audible over the rolling boil of the kettle.

You’ve never drunk this much tea in your life.

Even before she speaks your stomach is dropping. The kitchen feels smaller than it ever has before. Counters and cabinets press in on you, claustrophobic, like the room is shrinking around you in the silence.

“It’s time for me to go back.”

Squeezing your eyes tight, you fight not to make a sound until you’ve steadied yourself. Horror and sorrow and pain tug at your throat. When you finally manage to reply it’s terse, partly with anger, partly because your voice will break if you say any more. “Do you want to?”

“Does it matter?” She asks, and somehow it’s worse than yes. “The Doctor and I- agree, that I’ve recovered enough to travel again.”

“Did you show him your back?” There’s an ember of something too much like jealousy in the question.

“No.” I would never. A trace of disgust in her voice. Some things are sacred. “No, but we spoke.”

You scoff. “You mean, he said jump and you asked how high?”

She doesn’t even argue and god, you’d take being thrown against the bathroom sink over this, any day. “Yes. That’s how it has to be.”

“Does it?” For the first time you throw a glance over your shoulder at her. It’s a mistake. It makes your bottom lip quiver. “Why?”

Her brows draw together, a soft sort of torment on her face. “You know why.”

“I don’t.” Squaring your shoulders, you turn to face her, bracing your hands on the countertop behind you. You set your jaw against the plaintive whimper that races up your throat. “Tell me.”

“I’m not- ready. To be around people yet.” She waves a delicate hand in front of her face. “I thought I was, but obviously I was mistaken.”

“You look ready.” You gesture to her. “You’re standing here with me.”

“I’m not safe.”

“You haven’t killed me, have you?” You indicate your very-much-still-living body. “I’m still here.”

A quick hand wraps around your extended arm, just over your wrist, where she’d grabbed you yesterday. It’s not a tight grip but the joint is stiff and, despite your best efforts, your face twitches with discomfort. Spotting the movement, she loosens her hand until she’s just barely touching you.

“I hurt you.”

Your eyes flicker over her face, the pain written into it. It’s not a question, but you answer anyway. “Yes.”

Her gaze drops from you and she lets go of your wrist, but you catch her hand in yours and take a step towards her. She could pull away easily, you know that; but she doesn’t. Her fingers lace between yours.

“Do you want to go?” You ask again, making a conscious effort to keep your voice soft. She doesn’t look at you.

“I have to,” she murmurs to the floor.

“You don’t.” Closer still, letting your clasped hands swing between you. Less than a foot of distance from chest to chest. “And that’s not what I asked.”

Missy lifts her bright eyes to you and the desperation there makes your breath catch. She doesn’t speak.

“You can stay.” It comes out like a plea. “If you like.”

Her voice is a cracked whisper. “I can’t.”

“Why?” You reach for her other hand and she doesn’t flinch, letting you slot your fingers together with hers until you can feel her heartbeat through both palms. “Why can’t you, Missy?”

“Because-” with a steadying breath, she sets her jaw and twists her lips in contempt that you know isn’t directed at you. “Because I am not a good person.”

“Then be a good person!” 

You don’t mean for it to be so loud. Her eyes widen and you squeeze her hands, closing the distance until you’re almost touching. Your faces are inches apart.

“It’s not something you can learn. You’re not stupid, and you’re not helpless, and, whatever, the Doctor thinks, you are not his pet monster. If you lock yourself up with him until you feel like you’re good enough you’ll be there forever.”

Her face crumples, tears shining glassy in the low light of the afternoon, and it looks like she wants to lunge and pull you close but she doesn’t. She parts her lips and takes a breath and lets you carry on. You can feel a mutinous sob building at the back of your throat.

“You don’t have to save the world. Most people never do. You don’t have to be kind all the time because nobody ever is but you have to choose, Missy. You just have to choose not to be cruel. Every day, you choose. That’s all you do. That’s all there is to it.”

She laughs, low and tearful, a strangled sort of noise. “You say it like it’s easy.”

“On a good day, it is.”

With a shaky breath like she’s drowning, Missy asks, “and on a bad day?”

“On a bad day, you do the best you can.” When a tear streaks down her face you can’t stop yourself dropping her hand, reaching up to cup her cheek. It’s cold. Her mouth falls open with a quivering gasp when you wipe away the moisture with your thumb. You feel your own eyes burning and offer her a watery smile. “And then you try again tomorrow.”

She covers your hand with her own and looks at you for a moment as if she’s waiting for permission; and then she holds it there and tilts her head to press a soft kiss to the inside of your wrist.

The tears you’ve been swallowing back escape with a choked whimper.

“Stay, Missy.” You crook your fingers and curl them lightly against her jaw. She shivers. “Please. I’m asking you. Stay here with me.”

Closing her eyes like she’s struck with pain, she moves your hand from her face and rests her forehead against yours. Slowly - so achingly slowly - her hands release yours and come to rest on your waist. It makes your breath hitch. You mirror her, just as tentatively, pressing your palms to the line where thin blouse and thick skirt meet.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, the breath of the words ghosting over your face. “For yesterday, I-”

“I know you are.” Her fingers tighten on the fabric of your clothes. “Don’t do it again.”

“Never.” She opens her eyes, so close that you can hear the moisture on her lashes. “I promise you. I would never.”

“I believe you.”

“I want to be good.”

You chuckle through your tears, breathless and high-pitched. “For what it’s worth, I think you already are.”

She makes a fractured sound in the back of her mouth and slides one hand into the small of your back. Lifting her head, she moves closer, pressing her chest to yours. Her fingers are cool and feather-light on your face.

“Everything,” she murmurs, brushing the tears from your cheek. “It’s worth everything.”

The kiss is damp, and salty, and it knocks you breathless.

For a second you worry about hurting her, feeling the rough line of the scab through her bottom lip drag against your mouth, but she has no such concerns. She kisses you like she’ll die if she doesn’t.

You know how she feels.

When, too soon, she pulls away, you can’t help whining and trying to chase her mouth with your own, but she steps back, just enough that you can’t reach. For a long moment you’re terrified that she’s changed her mind, that this has been some mad and frenzied mistake, but she presses her lips to your forehead and tucks a stray hair behind your ear.

“You’re cold.”

It takes you a moment to even process the words. “Am I?”

Smiling, she reaches back to move your hand from her waist and show it to you by way of explanation. It’s trembling.

You hadn’t noticed.

“Oh. Yeah, I s’pose I am.”

She kisses your knuckles, just once, just lightly, and you realise that you are, in fact, shivering.

“You go and sit down.” Gentle fingers brush the underside of your chin. “I’ll make tea.”

The touch has you ducking your head shyly and you tease, “twice in one day?”

“Only for you, poppet.”

+++++

“It’s obviously the little girl.”

“Is it?” You glance away from the gore on the screen and down to Missy. Her head rests in your lap, over the thick blanket that covers you, her eyes fixed on the horror film playing out on the television. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, first of all, I don’t recall telling you to stop.” She looks up at you with a quirk of her eyebrow, rolling her eyes to indicate her hairline. With a fond scoff you resume gently scratching her head. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Your Highness.”

“Mistress is fine.” Judging by the sharp smile that flashes across her face, she doesn’t miss the choked noise you make. “It’s a revenge film. I mean, look,” she gestures to the screen, “everyone who was nasty to her is dying. It’s poetic justice.”

“Like Carrie?” You prompt helpfully, smoothing a frustrated line from her forehead.

“Exactly like Carrie.” She wrinkles her nose. “But with worse practical effects.”

“I s’pose they all look fairly bad to you.”

“Hmm. It’s like pornography.” Your fingers falter against her scalp and she chuckles. “Pales in comparison once you’ve done the real thing.”

You look back at the television, debating for a moment whether to speak, but curled on the sofa here with her it all feels so much simpler. With forced casualness, you ask, “do you miss it?”

“Pornography?” She snorts. “Sometimes. I had a lot of me time in the vault.”

“No!” Feeling heat rise into your cheeks, you swat the side of her head very gently with your palm. She laughs. “I mean-”

“I know what you mean.” She takes your other hand - the one resting on her shoulder - and brings it down to her lips, kissing your palm. It makes you melt. “Which answer do you want? The good one, or the bad one?”

“Just the real one, Missy.” You lace your fingers through hers. “I don’t mind what that is.”

With a soft exhale, she clutches your hand to her chest. You can feel her hearts beating. “Like I said. Sometimes.” She throws a sideways glance up at you and you smile.

“That makes sense.”

“Does it?” So much aching vulnerability in the question. You squeeze her hand.

“Yeah. Makes sense to me.”

She nods like she doesn’t quite agree, and the movement turns into a nuzzle against your thigh. Taking the hint, you set up the rhythm of light scratches through her hair once more. “We still have to talk, don’t we?”

“Yeah. I think so.” She presses your palm tighter into her blouse. Her eyes are still red and puffy. “But not right now. Unless you want to.”

“Not right now,” she echoes softly, and ducks her head to kiss your knuckles. Her head twists in your lap as she settles herself again.

“Are you sure you don’t want a pillow?”

“Positive.” Her lips tilt at the corners. “This is perfect.”

Yes, is all you can think, watching the red-and-blue light of the television flashing on her pale face. She hums contentedly when you scratch behind her ear.

This is perfect.

[melchron]

Nightmare Time Episode 1 Thoughts

Ok. It took me about an hour but I think I can develop some thoughts on Nightmare Time. I'm just gonna type as I think so events will be all out of order.

My mom decided to watch it with me last minute so that was nice. She doesn't remember much from the Hatchetfield shows but she enjoyed this anyways.

The Knok Twist made me mad and happy at the same time. I have adopted all of Joey's soft boy characters and now I have to send my new son back for being a defective creep. But also Ted is hilarious, I kind of missed him (just a little though), and it was a nice twist.

Was Konk fully naked the whole time? Was he at least wearing pants or shorts or something?

Every entrance Robert made as Hidgens killed me. When he kicked down the door but had to scoot into frame with his leg still up, I died.

His dramatic Hidgens reveal made me squeal. I knew he was coming but I love how his reveal was dramatic anyway. It was like he went "Oh they want Hidgens? Time to Hidgens harder than ever."

Angela was so good as Lucy. I love how she is nothing like Lex. I love seeing more if her acting range. She is so talented.

I think I might like Ted now. Like before he was fine. I know people were obsessed with him but I was one of those jerks being like "They only like him because of SSN and their weird CharTed ship. He was funny in SSN but he's not that great. He's just fine. (I never said any of this to anyone. People can like what they like no matter my opinion. I kept my negative thoughts to myself.) I don't know what happened here but I think I like him. Still not obsessed but he's pretty cool. Maybe I'm still trying to have Konk idk.

I knew Hidgens was insane before but know he's absolutely unhinged. Before he was crazy like "A musical world is my dream and I want it. You think I'm crazy? Well it would also bring world peace so there I justified it. My actions are actually helping and not at all selfish." And now it's like "I will murder to make my musical. No justification here. I am absolutely selfish and I don't care."

How, when, and why did Ted decide to join Hidgens on his crazy plan?

I wonder how CharTed shippers feel about Lucy.

Bill is back and I'm loosing it!!

When did Alice get so moody? I know we didn't see much of her in TGWDLM but she seemed chill. I know denying doing drugs while underaged isn't the goodest possible thing but she seemed like she was a rule follower. I'm not mad at this Alice and I don't think it's bad, it's just different than what I imagined.

Bill is trying his best and I love him.

James's Blinky voice is cool and I love it.

James's bowtie was effected by the green screen background and that was funny to me.

I can't wait to meet Ziggy.

TED HAS A LITTLE BROTHER?! AND HE'S NERDY?! I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT THEY'RE DYNAMIC SO BAD!! NAME? LASTNAMES? MORE PLEASE!!

Bill saying he loves Alice but doesn't like her hit different. I had a friend whose mom said that to her as jokes and now I do the same to my brother. It was weird hearing someone be serious and then the person they said it to got actually hurt.

Is Snigglette ok? Do they sniggles have their own minds? I always thought they had a hivemind too. Why is there a Papa Sniggle? Did he birth them (Male sniggles can probably give birth we don't know) does every god in Drowsy Town have their own brand of sniggles? Where did the original sniggle come from? Is Papa the original? Who birthed him? Do the sniggles decided which god they want to follow. Do they have to follow whoever their Papa follows? Is Papa just a Smurfs reference and I'm overthinking his importance to sniggle lore? I have so many questions.

Do Wiggly and Blinky coexist or is this a different universe?

Can I get a date for whe this takes place? Like a month drop would be good.

Deb being an artist and Alice being a playwright made me extremely happy. Just two creative girls loving each other. Can we get a script drop? I will pay money?

Can we get a Blinky doll drop? I will pay money.

Matt did such an amazing job scoring the whole thing. Everything he played set the perfect mood.

Jeff is one of the most talented people I know of. All of the songs were so good. OMG that intro gave me chills in the trailer and everyone singing was so beautiful I love it.

I am obsessed with the Blinky song. James, Curt, and Jeff is now one of my new favorite harmonies I love their voices together.

Was the Becky Barnes tree thing a reference to their little Irish girl Becky who didn't come down for supper? If so, how does Hidgens now about Becky's childhood? How does Hidgens know Becky? Is she actually Irish?

How did Ted know about Lucy falling?

Why was this so spooky? I love horror movies and this actually had horror movie vibes. TGWDLM and Black Friday had its moments and they were spooky but I never got chills from them. I got chills from this.

What was Jon's character? Was he a sniggles or just some guy that was under Blinky's control? Either way he was creepy. He was just so eerily normal.

I wonder if in universe they were actually swearing in the Blinky song. Imagine parents just being like "I don't know what this is but I think it's supposed to be for kids. Oh well, their enjoying it so idc."

Surprise Jaime appearance was appreciated.

Everyone is absolute royalty but Corey and James are the kings.

Bill got a happy ending. It's what he deserved. Wait.....WE GOT A HAPPY HATCHETFIELD ENDING!!!!!

I think those are all of my thoughts. I absolutely love this and am most definitely buying tickets for 2 and 3.

[dropintomanga]

Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia - 2 Sides of the Same Coin?

Whenever you hear about Koyoharu Gotoge’s Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba, you tend to hear about the records the series has smashed in Japan since the anime adaptation aired. From taking over entire top 20 Oricon manga charts to being one of Japan’s most highly grossed movies ever to influencing political campaigns, Demon Slayer is a once-in-a-lifetime hit that captivated an entire nation. (Oh, and Gotoge is the 1st mangaka ever selected for the Time 100 Next list)

However, outside of Japan, Demon Slayer isn’t as popular as one of its other Shonen Jump brethren, Kohei Horikoshi’s My Hero Academia. Demon Slayer still sells well and fans love the series over here in The United States, but manga sales charts are filled with more My Hero Academia volumes than Demon Slayer volumes.

I’ve been thinking about both series’ popularity in the context of the East versus West dynamic.

As cultural experts will tell you, Western principles are built on a sense of individualism. You deserve the freedom to choose your own path. You can make it on your own. No one should get in the way of what you want. Eastern principles are all about collectivism. Make sacrifices for the prosperity of the group. Don’t do anything that hurts other people around you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

When I think about My Hero Academia, it makes sense that Western fans love it a bit/lot more than Demon Slayer. We all want to be heroes of our story. We want to be more than who we are. It’s about youth who are focusing on their own growth and getting away from their comfort zones to find new opportunities to become stronger.

Demon Slayer isn’t about being a hero. It’s about a guy who wanted to make his demon sister human again. He’s not interested in being the absolute best to save the world. While saving Japan ends up being a consequence of his actions, family is what’s important to main lead Tanjiro Kamado. Also, superheroes aren’t nearly as popular in Japan compared to here (with the exception of Spider-Man). 

There was a book I read, Amaia Arrazola’s Tokyo Travel Sketchbook, that briefly discussed the Japanese conventional idea about family. Post-WWII, Japan promoted the idea that it was going to take women to stay home and take care of the home life while the men went out to be the breadwinners. Japan had to, since it had to take everyone together to rebuild the country. However, after the real estate bubble of the 1980s’ was burst, the idea of family being the center really fell apart as Japanese men lost their status as breadwinners due to jobs being finite and gone.

I also remember reading about the history of Western influence in Japan. There’s been a bunch of debate about whether Japan truly embraced Western ideals. To be fair, a lot of voices that claim Western influence being high in non-Western countries tend to be Westerners themselves. Japanese voices on Western ideals may have been been misunderstood in the first place. Demon Slayer takes place during a time of transition where modernity was growing in Japan, while My Hero Academia uses the Western love of comic book superheroes as its basis for its story.

When I think about Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia’s popularities in different parts of the world, it’s perhaps the Western vs. Eastern view of how striving for new opportunities often means loss of community. In My Hero Academia, we do see the psychological effects of bad family influence due to the relentless pursuit of status in a modern world. I saw this mostly early on with Shoto Todoroki (this is being explored even further with the rest of his family as of this writing) and much later in the series with Tomura Shigaraki’s past being revealed.

I noticed that a lot of things are blamed on bad parenting (especially in Western culture). A lot of psychological help does suggest that the family has a big role in influencing a child’s development. However, are they to blame for everything? Outside factors, like social inequality, do play a role. Endeavor, the father of Shoto and top 2 hero at the time, had to deal with so much perceived inequality (i.e. being compared to All Might) that it drove him to abuse his own family. When Deku told Shoto that that his power was his alone regardless of his upbringing, Shoto saw that he was in a place of equality since he was in a supporting environment among his peers compared to his dad. He’s started to understand how life experiences with other people and circumstances can change someone for better or worse as he reluctantly re-connects with Endeavor (who’s trying to redeem himself). 

With Demon Slayer, there’s the infamous Spider Family arc, where the villain, Rui, created a fake family in order to fill a void in their life as a demon. Rui ends up abusing their “family” to drive their superiority. They killed their parents at a young age while they were still human due to a fear of not being loved by them. The whole point of the arc was that everyone deserves some kind of loving family in their life. It’s hard to get through life by yourself even when you’re an independent spirit. I do feel though that certain relationships with family members/friends should be cut off if they are abusive like the case with Rui’s. There’s even more stories similar to this with the rest of the Twelve Moon demons (especially another family-related one with the arc that will be featured in Season 2 of the anime, which I might discuss later this year).

My Hero Academia is about moving forward with some reflection. Strive to be a hero of your life. Don’t think of the consequences as long as you’re saving innocent lives. Demon Slayer is also about moving forward, but remembering that there are points in your life where you need authentic connection and that bad people are still human beings who just feel disconnected from the world.

It also feels like both series address the issue of what connection-seeking traditions to pass on to newer generations that feel family/friendship seem lacking today. In My Hero Academia, there’s All for One’s desires to have successors to pass on his Quirk to even if they are dangerous. In Demon Slayer, there’s Kagaya Ubuyashiki, leader of the Demon Slayer Corps, who wanted to end his family’s curse and realizing over time that demons who wanted to fight back (like Tanjiro’s sister, Nezuko) against Muzan Kibutsuji should live. As someone who’s a Chinese-American, I've thought about what I could pass on as my culture has millennia of history and it does feel like age-old traditions/rituals are being passed over for materialistic convenience. 

I do think it comes down to whether we pass on values or beliefs. Beliefs are basically “What’s good? What’s bad? This is real to me even if it’s not to anyone else!” There’s way too much emphasis on them. Beliefs tend to be very binary because people are often more than just their beliefs. Values are just abstract rules to everyday life and don’t involve personal beliefs. I feel like not enough emphasis is focused on values. For example, things like compassion and respect are values, not beliefs. I had to embrace what values I had to finally grow as a person because some of the beliefs I held to in my mind were hurting me. 

Demon Slayer leans more toward appreciating values (usually ones that appeal to the Japanese mindset) due to Tanjiro’s personality, although My Hero Academia is a mix of appreciating both beliefs and values. While I do wish that “values > beliefs”, My Hero Academia does have some good insight on how beliefs can shape/warp values for both sides. 

Both series take a look at the tension between family and the self in their own ways. It’s much more so with Demon Slayer due to how much the concept of family was important in the growth of Japan in the past. I think we can agree that while there are cultural differences in handling it, the idea of family is lost on both sides of the world. American and Japanese cultures aren’t very tolerate of “gray zones” (i.e. illegal immigrants who have families, sex workers who have families, etc.) and want life to be more black or white. That’s why many fans who don’t feel accepted for who they are look to other outlets for some kind of family that will accept them.

Healthy families of all kinds lead to stronger communities that in turn lead to a better world for everyone. I sometimes feel that modernity does family no favors. It’s fine to grow, but constant growth without self-reflection becomes harmful. Plus, family always comes back to affect you one way or another. You can’t ever fully get away from family as they’re the starting point to everyone’s life. 

The only thing I can say is accept that your family/community, good and/or bad, is a part of your identity when you have conflicting thoughts and then take it from there. Denying that is just like trying to hide all your problems instead of dealing with them. It never ends well.

Blood is thicker than water and as both Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia show, when it’s shed, it can lead to disastrous consequences - both individually and collectively.

[rachelbethhines]

TTS Songs Ranked Worst to Best

Someone asked me to rank my fav and least fav TTS songs a while back, but I’ve since then relistened to the soundtrack and there’s a whole bunch of songs that just forgot about, so here’s a more accurate ranking now that the songs are more fresh in my mind

32 .  Life After Happily Ever After (Reprise)

This song is infuriating, because the finale is infuriating. Listening to this song just makes me angry all over again because it reminds me just how unsatisfying the ending to TTS was. I wanted to turn it off at several points. I barely can get through it despite it being so short. It doesn’t help that the soundtrack leaves all the dialogue in there and fails to actually end the song. It just cuts off before the final note.

31. Hook Foot’s Ballad

Does this even count as a song? Why is it here on the soundtrack but not the Hurt Incantation? Did Menken really waste his talent writing a joke and did the showrunners really waste money and limited resources on this?

30. Friendship Song

Bland, boring, and pointless. It was clearly written as a marketing stunt for the radio disney charts and not as anything to do with the plot of the series. They just throw it up on screen to fill out the running time and don't even let the whole song play through. It’s pitiful.

29. Waiting in the Wings (Reprise)

I didn’t think much of the original song one way or the other, but the reprise is soooo dumb. The plot twist it introduces winds up ruining the whole show and sabotaging both Cassandra’s and Rapunzel’s characters. It’s not even a nice sounding song on it’s own. The kid’s voice is irritating (who I’m sure is doing her best, but really little kids shouldn’t be made to sing professionally as a general rule) and the melody just as bland as the first time it was played. The only reason to like this song is if you’r a mega fan of Cassandra’s or her VA, which I am not. (Note: this is not a criticism of Eden Espinosa, I just don’t happen to follow any of the VAs in this show)      

28. Through It All

I like the instrumentals in this song, and that’s about it. Everything about this song is wrong. It doesn’t fit the story, it’s a misuse of the cast and songwriters, it’s a waste of valuable screen time, the melody is dull, and the dang soundtrack had to throw in that lame dialogue about ‘greatest threat ever’ at the beginning. If you want a pump up song in your story then you got to earn it. You can’t just tell us things are bad, you got to show it. A joyful horseback ride and everyone sitting in a bar safe and sound isn’t threatening or depressing enough to warrant a cheering up session. Plus the song itself doesn’t add anything to the overall story.

27.  The Girl Who Has Everything

Sometimes I think the writers were willing trying to sabotage themselves. It’s as if they were determined to make the only two main female characters in the show unlikeable bitches in season three.   Don’t believe me? The creator Chris has said this song only exists to highlight how much easier Rapunzel has things than Cass and went onto say that Rapunzel was in the wrong during their conflict because ‘she held Cassandra back’. (Oh yeah she totally ‘held back’ the grown woman who left on her own accord, returned on her own accord, and then assaulted and tried to murder a bunch of people for no reason of her own accord.) But this song does succeed in furthering season’s three narrative that Rapunzel is a spoiled selfish brat. Shame the story fails to address this setup and never has Rapunzel learn to be a better person. Rather the narrative bends over backward to tell us how special Rapunzel is without any sense of self awareness and this song falls into that same trap; making it both irritating and pointless.

26. Listen Up

Yeah, I talked about this on my salt marathon, but I just don't like this song very much. The melody is fine but the lyrics are a real miss in my mind. It doesn’t help matters that the song is indeed pointless in the grand scheme of things.

25.  Livin’ the Dream

This is much on the same level as Listen Up as it features the same problems. It doesn’t add to the narrative and the lyrics kind of let it down. I placed it higher just because I like the melody a little more.

24.  More of Me

This song is a lot like the Friendship Song in that it was created to be an end credit song for the pop charts and you’d be forgiven in forgetting it even exists. However, it at least got to actually play all the way through. I think this song was a real missed opportunity. I honestly believe that it should have been the opening theme song of the show instead of Wind in My Hair. It’s more built to serve such a purpose and it’s a waste of resources not to actually use it. Alternatively, I would have accepted it being reworked into the actual series as a character song. Especially since we’re missing a song in season three due to budget cuts.  

23. Wind In My Hair

Speaking of theme songs, I think I would like Wind In My Hair a lot better if i didn’t have to listen to it every episode. On its own it actually has a lot of things going for it; a nice melody, interesting instrumentals, good singing, ect. Unfortunately it’s just over exposed, and none of those elements lend themselves naturally to an intro song for a tv show. In fact the theme song feels really out of place and is edited oddly to fit the shorter intro. 

22. Wind In My Hair (Reprise)  

Honestly the theme song is mostly comprised of this reprise, but it has the opening instrumentals from the OG song frankensteined onto it. This means that the version that plays before every episode is on fullblast all the time to keep the energy up, but that’s not how the song is suppose to go.  The actual reprise that plays in the pilot builds to a crescendo, starting soft and melancolony and getting louder and more hopeful and determined. It sounds a lot better in full because of that.  It’s still too overexposed though. Both these songs would probably be higher on the list of not for the theme song version. 

21. With You by My Side

This song is fine. It’s nothing special, but it’s not bad either. What knocks it down the list is the fact that Lance isn’t in it, despite Lance being right there.  Like don't bother hiring a famous Broadway singer if you’re not going to have him sing!  But that speaks more to the poor writing of season two than anything else. This song also doesn’t really add anything to the narrative as, contrary to what the writers intended, it doesn’t actually enhance the emotional impact of Cassandra’s betrayal later in the episode. The song itself is just tacked on and doesn’t take the opportunity to lay down any foreshadowing for that plot point.  

20. Next Stop Anywhere

Another perfectly serviable song. It’s not bad but nothing outstanding. It gets the job done. It’s also really ho-hum and the soundtrack keeps all the unneeded dialogue, which is a pet peeve of mine. 

19. Waiting In the Wings

Despite it’s hype, I never thought much of Waiting in the Wings. It’s got nice instrumentals and Eden Espinosa gives it her all in the singing department. The problem is it’s too generic. It’s a bare bones basic ass ‘I want song’. Cassandra's movations are weak and unsupported by the narrative, the melody is boring, and it honestly doesn’t add anything to her story. I mean it should, it’s her character solo, but because she’s written so poorly the song just winds up undermining the character in the end.   All I’m saying is that, this is not the song from season two that I would have nominated for the Emmys. But it’s still Alan Menken, it’s still nicely performed, and given the rest of the competition for that year, it did deserve to win. 

18. If I Could Take That Moment Back 

This song is also pretty generic, but it’s less boring than I See the Light, (yeah, I said it, I See the Light is boring) so that’s a win in my book. Ergo this holds the title of the only New Dream duet that I enjoy. But there’s better stuff on this list. 

17. Next Stop Anywhere (Reprise)

Well no, I take that back. The reprise of Next Stop Anywhere is also technically a New Dream duet. It’s still not anything amazing, but it works for what it is. Plus, Adria’s opening dialogue in the soundtrack version doesn’t bother me quite as much as some of the other dialogues choices that were kept in.  

16. Stronger Than Ever Before 

I really enjoyed this song in the moment. It’s catchy and fun, and it finally has Lance doing something rather than ignoring his existence. However it is borderline unnecessary in terms of story placement, and I’m slightly mad at it now that I know that we could have gotten a Rapunzel and Varian duet but it was scrapped for this instead.   

15. Crossing the Line

Keeping with the theme of ‘songs I have conflicting emotions about’, we have Crossing the Line.  This song is confused. It starts and stops, the melody isn’t clear, the orchestration is playing tug of war with the singers for dominance, and it’s basically Alan Menken and the show’s creators ripping off Frozen. (I guess he’s kicking himself for leaving that particular project?)   But it’s interesting. I never heard anything quite like it. It’s memorable even if it doesn’t fully work. It’s got these interesting bits and pieces to it that just never quite comes together as a whole. Some of the lyrics are some of the best Glenn Slater has ever wrote and is far better than the story actually surrounding the song. Yet there’s other lines that are total cringe. Sometimes the song is bold and catchy and gets you all hyped up, and then other times its limp and staggering and feels so awkward to listen to.  Yet it’s not boring or generic and so I have to place it higher than the rest of the songs that’s come before. (Also, there’s some amazing orchestral covers out there that really pulls together the various parts really well, just fyi) 

14.  Nothing Left to Lose

I really don't like this song.  I’ve been one of its biggest critics ever since it was leaked by the marketing team earlier this year.  And yet... I can’t in good conscience place any lower on this list.  All of the problems I have with it are the exact same problems I have with Crossing the Line. It’s confused, the various pieces don't line up, the instrumentals are competing with the vocals, the song’s progression is weird with it’s constant key changes, some of the lyrics are good while others are absolute shit, ect and so forth.  It also actively works against the story it's trying to tell. The song wants you to sympathize with Cassandra, but her lines are as shallow as a puddle and makes her look like a sociopath. Especially when she’s physically attacking Varian through out for no reason. Also neither character learns anything from the exchange and it fails to impact the story.  By all accounts this is a bad song.  But I’m Varian trash.  There I said it. You happy?  Varian’s parts in the songs are fine, good even, and the song is anything but bland. I would rather listen to a mess then be bored to tears by a competent yet standard four chord pop song. 

13. I’d Give Anything

This song is nice to listen to. Story wise it absolutely sucks and shouldn’t have been in the finale at all. But it sounds pleasant.  This is one of those songs that could pop up randomly on the radio and I would just think it it a nice sad break up song. I can’t say that about some of the other misplaced songs in the show. This one however, you can very much, absolutely divorce this song from the narrative and it would be fine.  Now that’s not good writing, and it’s very much a waste of limited resources, but I’m rating the music here first and story second. 

12. Buddy Song

The Buddy Song also absolutely did not need to exist but it also sounds nice. Plus, it makes use of Lance so I’m a little more lenient towards it.   I can’t however place it higher since it really is just Alan Menken ripping off Alan Menken. Like, I would not be at all surprised to find out that this was originally a deleted song for Aladdin or something.  

11. Bigger Than That

What can I say, Lance just gets good songs. When the show bothers to give them to him.  Unfortunately, it’s not the best placed. It kind of interrupts the more important drama of Be Very Afraid, and probably should have been saved for a later episode. Especially since it hinges on a plot point that is contradictory to Lance’s character.    We should have gotten a Varian and Rapunzel duet here and given Lance his own episode in the second half of season three. This song could have easily been refitted into being a bonding moment for him and the girls. That would also have filled out the season’s original songs to the usual eight instead of only  seven.

10. Life After Happily Ever After

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The top ten. The best of the best.  This song makes the cut for three reasons.  1. It lyrically and musically interesting 2. It does the job of furthering the story and the characters  and 3. Eugene’s part is so damn good.  Like this song could have easily fell down into the ranks of ‘fine but generic’ if it wasn’t for the bridge with Eugene. That puts it over the top and to my mind makes it better than anything from the OG film. (well almost anything, Mother Knows Best is still great)    This is the barometer by which I measure all of the music in the series. Is it better or worse than Life After Happily Ever After? Because this is the level that I equate good musicals with.  What keeps on the tenth spot and not higher is the dialogue that still left on the soundtrack and the lack of a Cassandra introduction. That and also the rest of the songs are just flat better. 

9. Hurt Incantation 

Hurt, Decay, Reverse, whatever you want to call it, this was such a cool fucking concept. One that was utterly wasted by the show.  I place this so high because it just sounds awesome! It looks good too, and it offered up so many possibilities from a story perspective.  What lets it down is the lack of follow up for it and it’s too short. There’s needed to be another verse. It also should have been on the actual soundtrack instead of  Hook Foot’s Ballad.  (The Heal Incantation also was sung in What the Hair, but I’m not counting it since it was written for the film) 

8.  The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise)

I hate the initial song and the set up that it took to get here, but I love this reprise. It’s perfect. This is what the story needed more of. Rapunzel taking her life into her hands, and her proposing to Eugene would have been the perfect capstone for her arc.  In fact I’m angry we didn’t actually get that. There’s absolutely no reason why Rapunzel couldn’t have done so and we could have had her and Eugene engaged during the second half of season three. How much better would have it been if Cassandra threatened their wedding plans and that’s why they couldn’t go through with it until after the series ended? So much more tension that way. 

7. I Got This

This is a really good song that actually futhers the characters and the narrative. Moreover it’s refreshing to see the heroine not be perfect and to fail sometimes due to her own inadequacies. It’s just a shame that the series didn’t follow through with this set up, but I appreciate the attempt all the same.   

6.  Set Yourself Free

This is the only song in the series that’s an actual satisfying pay off for anything. Music wise it’s nothing too special, but in terms of context it just works. We were sorely deprived of such resolutions and songs with actual meaning in the show. 

5. View From Up Here

This song is too good for the episode it actually appears in. We needed something like this back in season one to introduce Cassandra with. It also sadly doesn’t fit with the wider narrative after season three. However I shall still appreciate it as a ‘what might have been’ type song. 

4.  Let Me Make You Proud 

The only reason why this song isn’t higher is just overexposure and I’ve no one to blame but myself for that. I’ve listened to this song way too many times. As such it tends to alternate between this, View from Up Here, and the next song on the list. But make no mistake it is glorious. Fantastic instrumentals, set up, and of course amazing vocals. 

3.  Everything I Ever Thought I Knew

Yes, I know this plot point didn’t lead anywhere, but it works for this song at least. Also Eugene’s VA is a really underrated singer. He sounds nice and he emotes really well.  Though I’ll be honest, this jumped up to third place because it was fresh in my mind after listening to the soundtrack before making this list. I’ve always liked the song and I do rate it highly, but it can change places with Let Me Make You Proud and View from Up Here at anytime depending on my mood. 

2.  Let Me Make You Proud (Reprise)

This song is heartbreaking!  Story wise it probably shouldn’t exist because it gives away the twist too soon, but who cares, it’s awesome!  Varian’s arc is the most compelling in the show and the only thing that saves TTS from falling into mediocre obscurity; and it’s songs like this that help make the arc stand out even more than it already does. 

1. Ready As I’ll Ever Be

I said it before and I’ll say it again; Ready As I’ll Ever Be is the greatest thing Alan Menken has ever written in his entire career!  If you know anything about the multiple award winning songwriter then you know that is no faint praise and I do not dole it out lightly.  This song is the reason why this show even has a fanbase. People are still getting into the series because of this song. And no matter how many times you listen to it just rocks!   It’s complex, layered, moody, and with a fantastic beat and energy. The performances are wonderful and the instrumentation glorious. It belongs in the hollows of Disney’s greatest hits and not regulated to a spin-off tv show that failed to make its money back.  I weep for the lost potential that this song and this show had. It hurts to know that so many people will never see this flash of brilliance that has come out of the House of Mouse, will never know the wonderfulness that is Varian.  Ah, ‘c'est la vie’, I suppose. Tangled the Series got what it deserved, but it's crew did not. While I can not in all honesty recommend the series in full; I do sincerely urge any Disney fan to check out the songs at the very least. Especially this one.  And that’s it. There’s my official ranking of all the songs, and I hope those of you read my Tangled reviews appreciate the hours it took into making this. 

[and-damntheconsequences]

Alright, here we go: Merlin astrology

Immediate disclaimer: I'm not good at this.

(Scroll down a little way to see what I've actually given them — you'll see where to stop — I just wanna mention some stuff first.)

*

Exactly two people want this and one of them is me, but that's good enough so let's go.

So, I've gone through some of the episodes to see if the show actually tells us when their birthdays are, but even though Arthur's birthday is shown and feasts for festivals for Beltane and Samhain are held (May 1 and November 1 respectively), there doesn't seem to be much overlap that I can see. The closest I can find is that in 5x03, Gaius briefly mentions that the Horn of Cathbhadh was traditionally used at Beltane, so Arthur's birthday would have been a short while before then, if he had done the same. But I'm not convinced that tradition matters all that much to Arthur, and there doesn't seem to be anything to suggest it wouldn't work just as well on other days — plus Arthur would have missed the Beltane feast had he gone then, and people would have been far more curious of where he was, which they don't seem to be.

So we don't know when either he or Merlin have their birthdays. Also since King Arthur doesn't have a specific set of years it took place in (only roughly 6th century AD), I have no point of reference for any other astrological placements.

I could be very wrong, and I definitely could have missed other things in different episodes, but this essentially puts it as a completely clean slate, so this is based just on my own thoughts about them.

Again, I'm not good at this. This is just based off of my own past knowledge and lots of Google to check everything. Lots.

I've also based their birthdays off of a completely different type of astrology that I'll do a post on later.

**

Okay here we go:

Arthur:

Birthday: July 28th

Sun Sign: Leo

A person's sun sign represents their most basic personality, and the traits they hold that remain constant throughout most of their life. At it's most basic, the sun sign says "I am."

For Arthur, Leo seems like a perfect fit. Leos are the Kings and Queens of the stars, the leaders and front runners of the sky. Their element is fire, which shows their driven, passionate, and warm hearted nature, and as Leo is ruled by the Sun, these qualities go double. Leos are confident, self aware, and have a personality that can dominate others, which can often lead to them displaying extreme arrogance or being very egocentric. They are able to speak their mind, but if not reminded, can sometimes neglect the feelings of others on a quest for status and influence.

Leos are represented by the lion, which symbolises the qualities of power and courage. These animals are known as fearless, able to withstand great challenges, and assured in their own strength. They can sometimes be a little aggressive or overbearing, but they have the power to walk with great dignity, and both give and receive high respect.

Moon Sign: Leo

A person's moon sign represents their emotions and deeper, more veiled, identities and subconscious tendencies. They may also show a person's more instinctive self, or the potential that they could reach. Where the sun says, "I am", the moon says "I feel"; the sun is action, and the moon, reaction.

Leo moons are bright with energy, and best in their element when they are shown admiration and respect — especially for their charm and wit. They may struggle due to a demand for respect, but the respect is well deserved for the leadership and willpower they show in order to help others. They are sharp and have intellectual potential, but can sometimes try to process things far too quickly, missing subtler clues in communication and jumping to rash conclusions. Some misunderstandings can take them completely by surprise, which other people may be confused or thrown off by.

Leo moons enjoy having an outlet for their energy, seen as the "wild child" of the zodiac moons. This often manifests as taking risks, but they are naturally lucky, so this usually pays off. They are also often optimists, perhaps for that reason.

I've also given Arthur the same sun and moon sign, and not only because they seem to fit the best. Those with sun and moon signs in the same zodiac are associated with a dark or new moon, and that energy drives them to influence change, and create their own mark on the world.

Ascendant: Aries

A person's ascendant, sometimes called their rising sign, is the sign that was on the horizon at the time of their birth. It represents the public mask a person may show to others, and the impression they may give off, as well as their own personal outlook on life. If the sun and moon signs are "I am" and "I feel" respectively, the ascendant probably says, "I seem".

For Arthur, I considered a few, but decided that Aries was the best fit — in doing so, making all of his main three signs fire signs.

Aries ascendants are seen as brave, fiercely opinionated, and independent. They have a strong and commanding presence, the warrior of the zodiac, and that can come off as a little intimidating at times. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and Aries ascendants will be the ones seen to lead the battles. They are trailblazers and initiators, who base their actions heavily on instinct and quick pace decisions, though that leads them to be very short tempered, rash, and often bossy. They may leap before they look, and choose just to deal with the consequences later, but they have strong intuition, and a determination to succeed.

Merlin:

Birthday: Dec 23rd

Sun Sign: Capricorn

I've already given the meanings for the signs, so I won't rewrite those. I'll just go straight onto the individual sign meanings.

For Merlin, I wasn't so sure of his signs as I was Arthur's, and I actually decided his birthday based on a different and lesser known type of astrology, which I'll make a post on later, because it makes more sense for them both.

However, Capricorn actually does fit moderately well for him. Capricorns are the hard workers of the zodiac, the ones with the determination and resourcefulness to get stuff done when it most needs doing. Their personality, and most innate knowledge of who they are is based on purpose, and the need to feel as if they have contributed something important. They are patient and brave, and perhaps the most traditional of the zodiacs, which in turn makes them incredibly stubborn. Their earth element means their stamina is unmatched, and in times of crisis, they are the most reliable and efficient, and have an unparalleled devotion and loyalty to those they have allowed within their circle of friends and loved ones. While they can be seen as boring, overly practical, and responsible, I believe that a major presence of other zodiac elements in Merlin's chart would help to balance that out.

Moon Sign: Cancer

Again, this one might seem a little controversial, but I do believe Merlin's moon being in cancer makes the most sense, and I have a lot of reasons. The sign of cancer is itself ruled by the moon, which means that by having the moon in this placement, the influence it has over Merlin's life would also be amplified. This means that his inner self and deeper, hidden, identity, would play a major role in who he is, and how he views himself, more than any other moon sign.

Cancers moons are one of, if not the most, emotionally sensitive moon signs, though its not often so clearly shown. They have a true depth to their feelings, which is often hidden away out of a need to protect themselves. It is assumed that this depth and complexity makes them weaker, when in fact the complete opposite is true — they are able to develop true resilience, and won't crumble under under emotional pressure. They are always struggling to be better, and working towards self improvement and reaching the best of their own potential, which compliments a Capricorn sun very well.

In turn, they are incredibly nurturing and gentle, with a generous and family-oriented approach to many aspects of life, whether that be oriented to biological or found family. They work towards long lasting relations, and form deep connections with the people they allow to become close to them. They are also incredibly selfless, and can easily fall into the trap of allowing their self worth to be decided by their worth to others, as in their heart they truly want to do good by others. There are the kindest of souls, always hoping to see the best in people, and often allowing others to let that kindness go underappreciated — they aren't doing the right thing for the sake of recognition. At the same time, they can have a competitive nature, and are deeply intuitive and receptive.

They can be deeply hurt when betrayed or unappreciated, and will often close off and seek to hide away at times as a means of defence. This would be especially true for someone who's sun sign is contradictory, and Capricorn is Cancer's opposite, often putting up walls against vulnerability because they fear what they may lose if they show it.

Again, his moon sign has a secondary meaning when put with his sun. Cancer and Capricorn lie at opposite ends of the zodiac, and people with moon and sun signs which conjuct in this way are associated with the full moon. This energy means they will be someone of diversity and conflict, who will struggle with the differences of what they need and want, and who they are and who they should be. They will need to create compromise, and seek to find happiness within themselves, instead of desperately reaching out to find purpose and contentment elsewhere.

Ascendant: Sagittarius

For Merlin, his drive and goal is based on what he is told is his destiny. Right back in the first episode, his pain is that he doesn't understand why he is the way he is. When Kilgharrah tells him that he has a destiny, he latches on to it, and that is the nature of a sagittarius ascendant.

Sagittarians are the adventurers of the zodiac, the explorers who see life as a quest, and for a Sagittarius Ascendant, the prize they seek is meaning and truth. They are deeply philosophical people who will see every moment as an opportunity, and will use it to infinitely expand their own horizons, in whatever form that takes. They often may have a lot of faith in things greater than themselves, and that hope is integral to the interconnected way they view themselves and the world.

They are sometimes restless individuals, and value fun and adventure. They have an urge to explore in every sense of the word, and I believe that Merlin would have indulged that far more had he been given the safety and change to do so.

They are also social, and make friends effortlessly and sometimes in the oddest of circumstances. It may be the optimism that they seem to radiate upon first meeting them, although his Capricorn sun sign would dampen that when around those he is closer to.

Sagittarian Ascendants are often unapologetically outspoken and harshly opinionated. They are naturally witty, but can be blunt, or come across as rude when that isn't their intention, and this backfires all too often.

Capricorn and Sagittarius don't have much in common, so they would both conflict. His sun sign would make him more serious and realistic than his ascendant would otherwise allow, and in turn, his ascendant would make him more impulsive and social, as all signs within a person's chart have a great affect on each other. Someone with both will often flick back and forth between positive and negatives. The contrast may also lead him to keep secrets, as his "public mask" and true desires and sense of self are quite different, but in time, these two aspects can make space for each other, and productively blend the heavenly kindness and earthly wisdom that these signs bring.

Again, I won't do his whole chart, but I believe Merlin's chart is one that conflicts in many ways, as he has many things pulling him in many directions. Many times, he struggles to choose between what he knows to be necessary, and what he believes to be right, and I think his chart would reflect that. However, I think that in time and away from the pressure he has always been under, these aspects would blend together in a very beautiful way.

******

To put it very simply, Arthur's a King and he knows it, and Merlin's a mess.

So there we go. Several hours of research and writing to create something that will never be useful to anyone ever, but it was fun to do at least.

I'll do the other type of astrology soon, I have that all decided, it just might take a while to decide how I want to write it. And then actually write it.

[moodyoranged]

bristol & teddy because im gonna use these to spitball now. <3 @loveback

Are their zodiac signs compatible?

no <3 but hear me out. i think whatever the rest of their charts are make it all even out and like just as people they have room to grow together. cancer’s problem with libra is that they’re not responsible enough, but i think teddy, especially after the girls are born, would be able to step up and find like the discipline to be there for them.  and then libra’s problem with cancer is that they’re not “full of life” enough and i think bristol simply doesn’t fit that concern so they could make it work even with astrology-zodiac-signs.com working against them.

Who developed a crush on the other first?

teddy liked bristol first. i think he was like third guy in his high school friend group and his buddy actually like knew and interfaced with bristol. but there’s simply a charm to being the weird little friend that he worked to his advantage. but anyways he liked her first because he simply wasn’t on her radar at that point.

Who made the first move?

teddy. he simply had to be bold and use his boyboss powers to make a move on a girl who’s only vaguely aware of you and your situation. it was kind of like. they had three conversations where she wasn’t overtly mean to him (one of them she was but it was bit sexy) so he just went out on a limb.

What did they do on their first date?

first date was technically them going to a party together and not actually spending time together while they were there they were just formally There Together even if they only spent like forty minutes actually talking and treating it like a date. their second date,  which felt more like a real first date, was dinner and a movie because he was a teenager and what other dates could he possibly know.

Who said “I love you” first? Who is more likely to?

the first time around, teddy. he hadn’t really been in a relationship before, and kind of jumped the gun just because it felt like the thing to do. it was a spur of the moment decision, and one he felt was way overkill after the fact, so they didn’t really revisit it. i think second time around it was also probably teddy don’t know why i clarified the difference.

Who believes in soulmates?

i don’t think either of them do. i think they love each other and i think they’re like glad to have one another but i don’t think they see it as like some kind of cosmic arrangement (maybe a little sometimes, when they really think of the odds of them ending up where they did, but not really). they feel to me like they’d fall more in the camp of acknowledging like love is work and choosing each other and not just some invisible strings pulling them together.

Who wants to be married someday?

i don’t think either of them are like. biting at the bits. like they’re just secure in their family without having any of that.  i think maybe teddy would like just assume they were heading there one day but it’s not some deep desire.

Who is more affectionate in public?

well i have it on good authority that drunk bristol has no reservations. but beyond that probably teddy but even then he wouldn’t be like overly affectionate it would all be in the little things <3

Who initiates the most physical contact?

once again drunk bristol shoots for the stars <3 and i would perhaps even say her in general. i don’t know. it just feels right that once you get her behind closed doors she’s touchier. 

Who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

hear me out. bristol. but what they as a couple perceive as cutesy is radically different than what i think that word would usually imply. like i think teddy could open a text where she’s sarcastically threatening his life and he would be like aww that’s my girl. like i just think teddy’s a kind of dry/bad texter but her’s have personality and carry her tone more which he simply will read as his cutie girlfriend. kinda fucked but true.

Who is more protective?

bristol i think. just out of force of habit/who she is as a person. she loves fiercely and protectively because it’s a role she’s always been pushed into, she’s always been the person that has to protectively hold things together. so like it’s not a possessive kind of thing its just something ingrained in her to care so deeply about her family and once he became apart of that it was a done deal. he’s protective of her in his own way, but her’s is again just something that’s apart of her.

Who does the driving?

teddy does more but i don’t think that’s a strict rule they’re probably switching around

Who’s pickier about the room temperature?

bristol obviously she’s calling the shots.

Who is usually the first to apologize?

teddy because he’s usually the one that’s wrong and deserves whatever bristol in response to that <3

Who takes the longest to get ready?

bristol. i don’t think she takes long i just think teddy had three outfits and two of them include hats so he just doesn’t have to think or try.

Who borrows the other’s clothes more?

they’re practically the same height so like. i think they would be able to share clothes it’s really just a matter of if they would want too. i think they share a stash of like faux vintage graphic t’s for pjs and hanging out around the house. maybe a couple jackets. but ultimately she’s got her taste he’s got his she’s welcome to any insane short sleeve button downs or hoodies on his side of the closet but it won’t be a cute oversized thing it’d just be clothes <3 he wore her cut offs to the grocery once when he needed to do laundry in a bad way. he probably wouldn’t again but it wasn’t the worst.

Do they have any pets?

well obviously there was bristol and tatum’s gorgeous dog at first. and i could see from then on them being dog people always having one or two, not super picky about size or breed or anything.

If they live together, who brought up living together first? How long did they date before they moved in together?

i think ultimately bristol would have to be the one to bring up them living together. i think teddy would be like open about being willing to move in but in like trying to figure out how their lives would work after kali, he didn’t want to like insert himself in a way she wasn’t comfortable with even when he was willing to move in and buckle down. i think because he left the ball in her court it maybe wasn’t til a couple months after kali was born that he moved in, just because at that point it felt like less of a statement and more of just a thing that made sense.

What are their relationships like with each other’s siblings? Other family members?

teddy has older sisters, who like bristol just fine. teddy isn’t close with them, so they’re not super invested in like vetting his girlfriends. they like her with the typical disdain you would have for your weird little brother’s baby mama. his parents too they like ultimately embrace her love the girlies and all that but just did not see teddy’s life going this way and aren’t shy about saying it. i think teddy tries to get along with as many of bristol’s siblings as possible, but there’s just a lot of them, and he can’t win them all over. he’s best with the younger ones, probably, just because he finds it easier to get them on his side. tatum was the hardest nut to crack and the sibling he was most invested in getting to like him. i think she was openly hostile to him for a while but once she realized he was sticking around and bristol seemed to be invested in him she cut him some slack. she is now as nice to him as she is anyone else in the family, so not very, but more than she is any outsiders, so he can take pleasure in that.

[hermitreunited]

Hargreeves Character Worldviews

I am obsessed with the Hargreeves, and trying to understand them better.  As part of writing a fic a while back, I wanted to get a better grasp of character dynamics and it ended up spiraling into this huge and ever-changing theory, that I still think about when thinking about them.

Here’s some point of view statements I settled on for them, and under the read more I’ll put what they all mean. (It gets,, really long down there. Lots and lots of thoughts, enter at your own risk.)

Worldview Statements

Luther: I’m scared I’m not good and if I don’t get results, people will find that out.

Diego: I am good and I am going to get results and that will prove it to people.

Allison: Trying to be good matters more than getting results.

Klaus: Trying gets no results, people can see that, I’m a failure, who gives a fuck.

Five: The results are everything, but failure can be fixed as long as you keep trying and eventually get there.

Ben: If you try, you’ll get results. If you want it enough, you can make it happen.

Vanya: I’m good but no one will see that, and if they aren’t watching, there’s no point.

How to Look At All This

So way back when, when I was starting to think about this, I kept trying to pin down specific terms and evaluating each Hargreeves along those lines (there were attempts at drawing out a chart, for goodness sake). The difficulty is that the meanings of things are varied with them, and some might find importance in things that others simply don’t care about. Even within one person, definitions might get tangled because people don’t always make sense.

Good is closely related to worth, for the purposes of this meta. For some of them, this means doing good, but for others it is being good. Failure is the flip side of that, having to do with a lack of success at doing good work, or being a person with little worth. These two things don’t always line up in ways that make sense, because meaning can be layered and people are complex and contradictory.

There’s also some stuff to do with intent and trying, usually tied up together with each other and with results. They care to varying degrees about how they are viewed by others, and about controlling that narrative. There’s also questions of destiny - how much of their lives do they believe is based on their own choices, and how much is just fate? Because if fate is to blame, then they don’t need to carry guilt, and there may be no point in trying.

Luther - I’m scared I’m not good and if I don’t get results, people will find that out.

The pressure of being Number One is a pressure. I don’t think he views that responsibility as a birthright; he wouldn’t need to be so defensive about it (ie, insisting he go through doors first) if he thought it was a given. It makes him smile when he’s at his lowest to hear Klaus call him Number One, and then it sends him spiraling. Because it reminds him that he can lose it.

Reggie made it clear through his treatment of the others that failure is a possibility, even for kids with superpowers. He kept calling him Number One even when no one else was left, keeping Luther’s good standing in question even if the others had gone.

Luther is secretive, on the whole. He tries to keep his mutation a secret because he’s ashamed of it, and I wonder if that’s part of why he is so sensitive about Diego’s comment about Reg not being able to stand the sight of him? His body is more than a new uncomfortable shape, it’s a proof of his failure on that mission, a reminder he wears every day.

It’s also another twist to add into the confusing knots about worth and goodness being tied to successful deeds and the opinions of others. Now he’s adding ‘monster’ to the list of things that he’s scared he might be, and that he wants more than anything to prevent others from seeing.

Sum-up: Worth is mainly determined by how other people value you, so if he fails, he can become worthless. Destiny might have decided that he’s a failure, but at least he can try to hide that through successful results and get others to keep perceiving him as good, for as long as possible.

In One Word: frightened

Diego - I am good and I am going to get results and that will prove it to people.

He didn’t always think this. He spent a lot of his youth thinking that he needed to play by the rules Reginald set, which meant that he was worthless as long as he was number two. Part of what made him so angry about it was that it was rigged against him, but also part of it was that he knew it wasn’t true. Once he left the academy, that instinctual knowledge was able to take root and flourish, and now he can admit on a conscious level that he is good, both in terms of his worth and in terms of the results he gets. Diego saves people; he’s been doing it his whole life.

He’s got this inferiority complex but it’s less about whether he is actually a failure and more about how other people see him. He’s decisive and confident in his choices, the way he butts in on Eudora’s case because he knows he can help, how he gets rid of Reginald’s monocle because he trusts his instinct that it needs to be disappeared.

He doesn’t see worth as an inherent quality, though - his worth is dependent on what he does. He knows he has worth, but he hasn’t separated out yet that his worth is based on him as a person, and not him as a series of successes. Maybe once he can prove to everyone else that he is more than a number two, he can quit having to run the race so hard, but until then, he’s going to keep endlessly working for the recognition he deserves.

Sum-up: Destiny can go suck an egg, Diego’s worth is based on his results. He’s only a failure if he stops trying, or if he strays from his good intent of helping others. If he works hard enough, saves enough people and projects a cool enough image, he can eventually get the way he is perceived by others to match up to the truth.

In One Word: righteous

Allison - Trying to be good matters more than the results.

Allison is excellent at getting results. Her power hands her results without her even trying - but that’s the trouble. Trying is important and right and hard and what good people do, even if it doesn’t give them the results they want in the end. Allison can appreciate exactly how hard it is, which is why she took the easy way so often, and she carries a lot of guilt for taking the easy path instead of the good path for so long.

Even good intentions can result in a bad outcome, because trying isn’t enough to guarantee success, or because a bad action is still a bad action even if done with good intent. Using her powers to manipulate people is wrong, even if it is done with the best intentions, even if it has a good result. That doesn’t fix the bad action at its core.

Allison can speak certain results into existence, but there is still no way for her to know the full ramifications of any choice she makes, and in that way, she is just like everyone else. But she is so powerful that her choices can have outsized effects; she is a conduit that can cause massive harm. How much bad has she put into the world, intentionally or not? How much good could she have done if she had made different choices? Everyone deals with questions like this, but it’s usually a lot more theoretical. Allison takes personal responsibility for all of the bad that she’s never stopped, and all the good she might have missed.

Refusing to use her powers puts her in the same weight class as the rest of the world. Her limits are the same as everyone else, and so she should be held to the same standard as everyone else. The more people that view her that way, maybe she can relax and let herself believe it.

Sum-up: Results don’t matter as much as your intent and your methods of reaching them. Destiny can set you up with certain strengths, but your worth comes from your choices, not abilities. If people can see that you are trying to make up for your failings, maybe you can be forgiven.

In One Word: guilty

Klaus- Trying gets no results, people can see that, I’m a failure, who gives a fuck.

He has really been through it. He’s been through a lot, and he protests a lot, but every time he screams ‘no,’ no one ever listens to him, and it never changes his situation. Time and again, he’s learned that his desires don’t matter, trying doesn’t matter, because he never gets results. The best he can hope for is trying to find a way to maneuver himself away from situations before they get too bad, and to train himself to believe that he doesn’t mind when he fails and things hurt him. He can’t fight destiny, and destiny apparently wants to punish him. Maybe he can decide to be into that.

There’s a power in this viewpoint. Whatever is controlling his life, it’s certainly not Klaus, so there’s no point in him worrying about it. That’s what Luther is seeing when he’s talking about Klaus being carefree. Luther has lived his whole life bent over from carrying the weight of responsibility that Klaus happily discarded.

This is also one of Klaus’ biggest issues, though, because it’s not true that he is destined to be a fuck-up, and he doesn’t actually want it to be true, and even his siblings who reinforce this viewpoint for him also don’t actually want that for him. Sliding so hard into apathy is harmful for everyone who loves him and himself, because it sets him up to be hurt, and for his only defenses to be accepting it by trying to believe that he deserves it.

Sum-up: He’s destined to be a failure, and everyone who sees him knows it. It doesn’t matter what he tries, he’s not going to get good results, and since he’s a bad person, it’s all coming from a place of bad intent anyway.

In One Word: apathetic

Five - The results are everything, but failure can be fixed as long as you keep trying and eventually get there.

This at first seems like a forgiving attitude, but it’s only to an extent. He can and will keep trying, and that doesn’t devalue the success, but he must eventually succeed.

His ‘keep trying’ attitude would be forged in the apocalypse - how else can he keep going? But it was part of him before that. He kept going through Reginald’s abuse, he kept going in the apocalypse, he just keeps going. He has the time to keep trying, until he doesn’t, and that’s when he starts to panic and dig in.

Maybe this is also why he sticks to his plan so rigidly, even if it starts to prove to not be a good one. If he just keeps trying, he can get it and everything won’t be a waste. It’s an all-or-nothing game, and Five won’t accept that he can get nothing.

The apocalypse needs to be stopped for the obvious reasons, and because he wants to save his family, and because the commission wants it and Five doesn’t like authority, and because he decided to and can’t give up something that he’s decided to do. But it’s also fundamentally important to him because if it’s the end of everything, then it’s the end of Five’s ability to keep on trying. The idea that this could be forcibly taken away from him by the apocalypse is unacceptable.

Sum-up: It doesn’t matter what destiny says, because if you try enough you can change it. You can do bad things if you have a positive intent, and if it helps you reach your results. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it, as long as you get the results you need. If you fail, everything you’ve done is for nothing, and you are worthless.

In One Word: tenacious

Ben - If you try, you’ll get results. If you want it enough, you can make it happen.

From the little we see of Ben, he is Klaus’ reluctant cheerleader. His style of pep talk is mainly of the ‘just do it’ variety. He sees Klaus struggling with his addiction and gets frustrated, since he sees life in simpler terms. He figures that if Klaus just tries hard enough, he can overcome his problems.

When Ben was a kid, he didn’t want to unleash the horror, but he did. He was forced all the time to do things he didn’t want to do, and sees that as proof that it’s possible to do things you don’t want to do. You just have to get over yourself and do it.

He’s never known the freedom of adult life without that kind of control being exerted over him, so he hasn’t had the chance to sort through the difference between coercion and choice. He hasn’t known that burden of adult life, either - of having to navigate decision-making when the only taskmaster is yourself, with all the failures, fears, and contradictions that come with an adult life.

Sum-up: Sometimes you have to do bad things with a good intent, even when you don’t want to, because that’s what gets results. Destiny is a non-issue, and worth is self-determined, too. If you want to achieve something, all you have to do is try hard enough.

In One Word: frustrated

Vanya - I’m good but no one will see that, and if they aren’t watching, there’s no point.

Like Diego, she was told to believe she was worth less than the others - in Vanya’s case, very literally told to believe this. She had to learn to separate her worth as a do-gooder from her worth as a person in order to survive, so she is able to believe that she has worth even without powers. It’s undeniable, however, that she believes she would be worth more if she was special.

She’s also always lived in worlds that are ranked. The academy with its the endless debate on relevance of their numbers, the orchestra where being first chair definitively means you are the best and is a goal she hasn’t been able to reach. She knows that she has worth as a person, but no one has ever recognized that, just as she never gets recognition in these very performative spaces where she’s spent her life.

It’s hard to say how much her subconscious rebels against the ‘ordinary’ rumor, but it’s clearly something that has dogged her. She names her book ‘Extra-ordinary’ as a way to fight back against how she is perceived because perceptions matter a lot to her. They don’t define her to herself, but they are the definition the rest of the world sees.

Unlike Klaus, she doesn’t have a negative perception to combat - she just has nothing, and she hates that more than anything. Maybe she knew when writing the book that it would hurt her siblings and be a bad look, but at least it’s a look. Being ignored she cannot abide, because it denies her any kind of agency in crafting her own definition.

Sum-up: Destiny says she’s worthless, everyone’s perception is the same. It should matter more that she is good and that she is trying, even if she isn’t getting the results of saving lives, because that’s never been something she could do anyway. The true failure is in the perception of others, not in herself.

In One Word: angry

Whew, anyway, so. 

I hope to post a part two at some point about how all these different viewpoints fit (or very much do not fit) with each other. Like I said at the top, originally I went into this trying to get a grasp on their dynamics together. But this post has surely gone on long enough already.

This is just my interpretation, and maybe my elaborate bait in trying to have more character discussions. It’s also definitely malleable -  I am folding in new takes all the time. If you’ve got points you’d like to make, in support or disagreement, I would totally love to hear it! I clearly like to overthink and talk about this an awful lot, and adding new perspectives is always fun.