#does this make me a sadist?
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Maybe I'm a masochist, a sadist, or both, but I have to say it... we were robbed of a real reaction shot of Charles hearing Edwin screaming from Esther's device.
The one time it cuts back to Charles struggling, Edwin has temporarily stopped screaming. Then the girls show up and keep Esther busy, so he's not screaming for a significant amount of time. Charles is getting his bag and picking the lock during that time. When Esther restarts the device again at a higher level, Charles is dropping down into the snake pit.
We never actually see Charles hearing him even though he definitely could. Niko and Crystal could hear his screams from outside.
If they were going to emphasize that Charles was completely helpless and unable to do anything to rescue Edwin, and then make us listen to his agony, the least they could've done was give us that reaction as compensation for the devastation they unleashed on us.
(ko-fi)
#does this make me a masochist?#cause it would hurt my heart?#does this make me a sadist?#cause i want to see them suffer?#who the hell even knows#but if you're going to make protectiveness one of the main qualities of their relationship#you gotta go all in on how destroying it is for one to see or hear the other in pain#their name is payneland for a reason#they gotta live up to it lmfao#when their partner being in pain hurts them more than their own injuries do#you know it's the good shit#dead boy detectives#rambles: dead boy detectives#the case of the hungry snake#charles rowland#jayden revri#payneland
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Apparently my writing motivation only kicks in when I’m tormenting Matthias Raoul Gautier.
Today my brain went: “We’re going to write specific details of him going through the death of his first wife and second child.”
#l talks#poor hit-by-a-truck-driven-by-life man#does this make me a sadist?#wait#I think that’s if I like pain on me?#am i a masochist?#y’all know what I mean#probably#matthias raoul gautier
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Alastor pulls the “we’re not so different; you and I” card 🤪
Don’t fall for it Vaggie!!!!
#pov: you’ve become your parent#vaggie’s comment in the finale made me think of this#and her excitement about making the guests fight in the doomsday district#she suppresses her sadistic nature#but it does existtttt#meanwhile alastor is quite literally letting his freak flag fly#hazbin hotel#my doods#hazbin hotel fanart#alastor#vaggie#do I tag chaggie if it’s this small of a cameo???#liked by ad#that tag is for me
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it shouldn’t be glossed over just how empathetic Joel is. he expressed empathy towards Ellie given her dire case of being a child within the confines of a cruel, unforgiving-apocalyptic world that supplants what should have been a habitual childhood for her. he offered an apology for scolding Henry and calling him a rat without initially reconciling the benign intentions behind his actions. he pleaded for the elderly sniper on the outskirts of kansas city to put down the rifle so he didn’t have to kill him. it all accentuates just how against his nature he must be to survive in this world. he can’t always spare people, he can’t always shed sympathy. but he wishes he could, and even on occasion tries. it’s the very context he once stooped to the level of the hunters in his past that makes this point pang all the more. he isn’t apathetic. he isn’t exclusively selfish. he isn’t rigid. he is open-ended. Joel is more than a hammer that sees all problems as a nail to be forcefully struck without finesse. He values compassion and preserving life, and any ultimatum that cements the opposite only elicits a last resort of violence and numbness. the silver lining is more desirable than conforming to cruelty
#thinking about this makes me realize how much the firefly hospital is going to mess me up#joel isn’t sadistic there’s no sick pleasure in killing or demeaning people#he cares so so very much#he wants life to thrive and he is willing to accept when he’s wrong#god this iteration of joel makes me wanna chug down wet cement#drives me stir crazy he really does#the last of us hbo#the last of us#the last of us hbo spoilers#tlou spoilers#joel miler#pedro pascal#ellie williams#bella ramsey
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my personal headcanon is the vees were unremarkable nobodies when they were alive. i just love it as a thematic throughline for them. they love to let the public of hell speculate on them being famed and acclaimed since before death, but the the truth is they were a d-list failed influencer that got by on cheap controversey and scamming, a broke junkie who burned every shaky bridge he ever had, and a worn-out broadcast production assistant with more rejected auditions and tossed out script pitches than he could count. nobody missed them when they were gone, nobody cared who they were until they were dead.
#because villains who didn't start off supremely powerful are more interesting to me#vees#it's not that they CAN'T be better. or that they're simply ignorant of the ways they fuck up others lives#they actually all do have that knowledge of being the underdog. and it's made them all the more shitty#because they never want to be those people again#narratives about people who make each other worse <3#to be clear they were still shitty people in life. manipulative. consumed by greed and envy. all their individual flaws etc etc#but hell made them into the absolute worst versions of themselves#of course what their Worst Self is and the journey/length of time/initial reaction to being in hell varies#like val sees hell as a continuation of the things happening in life. just w/ the power dynamics always privileging him#it's the same drugs and violence. except the violence isn't just survival anymore but the chance to indulge his deeply sadistic desires#vox has completely dissociated from his time alive. that person is dead and he's reinvented himself 1000 times over since then#90% of the time he has those memory files shoveled into a hidden directory#he refuses to acknowledge that he's still haunted by some of the same insecurities from almost a century ago#val doesn't necessarily see his living self in a fond light but he does see that person as fundamentally him#velvette thinks life was full of people who weren't her demographic but fortunately that's been fixed by sinners!#they just couldn't Get Her and that was all their faults#the primary way they view their past selves can be summed up as: scorn (vox) apathy (valentino) and in denial (velvette)#sorry the bulk of the post was in the tags. i will be doing this again#the scorn is the coping mechanism for shame. of course
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Watching RWBY with friends and having it be their first time is the best thing.
Like watching them react and form opinions of the characters and then watching it completely change later?
Phenomenal.
Seeing them try to theorize what will happen and have them looking at you for the answers and the pure despair when you reveal nothing?
Empowering.
Seeing them slowly start to get obsessed with the show just like you?
Fantastic.
17473819/10 would recommend
#I’m not evil I swear#there’s just something about watching my best friend suffer like I did the first time through#does that make me a sadist????#oh well don’t know don’t care#I love this show so much#don’t worry I’m sure when#AND YES I MEAN WHEN#V10 comes out I’m going to be suffering greatly as retribution#but for now I hold all the power#rwby#greenlight volume 10#greenlight rwby volume 10#greenlightvolume10#save rwby#crwby#save crwby#i’m gonna go cry now
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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)
Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.
#laishuro#laios touden#i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings#as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes#but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred#not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life#are so compelling to me#and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons#and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience#whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that#when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know#this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night#sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always#but WHATEVER#i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol#which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga#so i became obsessed#and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf#and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ#now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life#with laishuro. and its great!#my comics
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“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)
Bonus:
Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c#As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around!#Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins#Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol#But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship!#And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots#Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own#Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪#He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes#''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly''#I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her-#Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person#''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :)#Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't#It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot#Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time#Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently#I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe#And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe
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bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.
#i hate when ppl make him out to be a sadistic villain with no remorse. like did we read the same manga 💀#but at the same time he is NOT crying abt all the ppl he sent to the grave. he sleeps just fine at night knowing he committed atrocities#yes he feels remorse? but he isn't like kunikida to weep at someone's grave for failing to save them#and then we have his emotions themselves#dazai isn't emotionless. far from it. he has difficulty expressing affection but yk he finds someone endearing when he trusts them#trust is very important to dazai and is one of the aspects of human emotion that he can fully grasp#but like everything else is in a hazy gray area that he does not feel like exploring. he feels alienated from his humanity bc of this#AUUUGHH can someone help me with character analysis PLEASE#I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS MF UNTIL RECENTLY SO I MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF IMPORTANT DETAILS#see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that#and this is for dazai specifically. i am very well versed on his relationships w other charcaters#but just like asigiri himself said: it's very difficult to write dazai and write him WELL#so yeaaa i have a lot of smart ppl following me pls help#bsd#ALSO MY FRIEND STILL HAS NO LONGER HUMAN UUUUGHHHHHH I NEED THAT BACK BC I TABBED IT A SHIT TON#FOR LIKE CONNECTIONS TO YOZO AND BSD DAZAI AND WHERE ASIGIRI DREW INSPIRATION FROM YOZOS CHARACTER FOR DAZAI#THAT WOULD BE SUCH A VALUABLE FUCKING RESOURCE BC I DID SOME ANNOTATIONS IN THEM TOO BUT MY BOOK IS ANOTHER FUCKING STATE#I HATE IT HERE FML
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sleep deprived dust can't recognize what's dream and what's real when he goes in and out of consciousness so i think dust is allowed to be incredibly reckless when he's awake but thinks he's in a dream. he will kill whoever passes by him (or attempt to. for him it's an instict to shoot bones anyways.) he will drink 4 bottles of alcohol just because he thinks its just a lucid dream. have incredibly loud conversations with phantom paps because he's asleep so nobody will hear him talk. or just have loud ass breakdowns because again he thinks he's asleep!!! nobody's gonna know what he gets up to in his dreams. and until someone (probably phantom paps) tells him that he's not asleep and this is reality he won't realize until he's done something really reckless
horror is seconds away from exploding dust's skull open with his magic while dust is trying to strangle him and FINALLY phantom paps tells him he's awake and dust snaps out of it. killer is walking around the house with bones sticking out of him like pins on a sewing pattern (casually too. another day in the life for him) and he just asks dust what that was about. dust just gets off of horror and shrugs his shoulders with an idk. and then walks away. this is the 6th time its happened this month
#horror needs to find a way for him to get back at dust for almost killing him#horror IMMEDIATELY booby traps dust's room's door with several fatal traps. and then dust just teleports away to dodge them#horrors incredibly cool bone manipulation power is incredibly underrated. neither dust nor killer can do what he does#when i say people underestimate just how powerful horror is i mean this#he has MANY shows of power where he summons a shitton of bones. or when he's clever and tricky#using tiny bones so his karma can hit the guards more and kill them faster??? GENIUS#granted kist could definitely think of something like that but that doesn't mean horror's a coughing baby#ok back to my original post. i came up with this after doing my little dusttale translation thing#dust is such a fucking asshole during it all istg and i whooped and cheered every time he was a fucking dick#when he doesn't know what to do when in doubt destroy everything you see. what a guy#he'd definitely be a lot smarter than that in real situations but again#he came up with that strategy while he was under the impression that he was in a dream#so i do think this little prick can be quite an unrestrained destructive force when he doesn't know whats real or not#can i just talk more about translated dust because GODDDD he was SO FUCKING COOL IN MAD TIME SERIES I SWEAR#when he plucked floweys petals off him one by one???? and then berated him??? and the nursing home comment??????? fuck i lov him#can you please unspill the spilled blod??? sick ass line. i think he knew from the start he was gonna betray flowey in that one#god i love canon dust so much he's such a sadistic shit. and he likes it. what a freak. HE LIKES IT#the only person he outwardly expressed regret about killing was papyrus. you'd think he'd care more about everyone else but NOPE#or maybe he did in the earlier runs. still doesn't hide from the fact that he was cruel to everyone else. because thats dusttale 4 you#youre on death row and theyve sentenced you to endless torture and then the mtt pulls up#listen man if i were on death row and they were my torturers id let them do whatever. my babies can get back at me for making them suffer#canon horrordust my beloved i love canon horror and dust#idk if killer in this is like totally canon but idc. it's such a funny idea to make him unbothered when he's injured its hilarious#horror and dust's personal little punching bag ✨✨#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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impromptu meta at 2 — oh wait 1 in the morning thank you daylight saving time
the thing about light yagami is that we all know he is repression incarnate. and we also know that kira was born out of his desperate need to justify sort-of-accidentally killing two people. and so therefore kira isn't what light's repressing, not at the outset; kira is an extension of his repression.
and the death note and his need to hide it very quickly takes over light's life. so it's easy to say that light is light yagami on the outside and kira on the inside, and maybe light feels that way. but. kira is just as much a persona as light yagami. a more hidden persona, but still not the real him, whoever that is.
and the thing is that no one sees past that. ever. most people obviously fall for the charming boy act, but even the detectives — L, near, mello — god, even ryuk stops at part two. i think a lot about how L set up the mock execution because he thought that kira would have killed his own father if necessary. can you see light doing that? eighteen-year-old light yagami who said "if anything happens to you, dad — i'll see that kira gets the death penalty. i swear it."? remember when ryuk laughs at how good an actor he is afterwards and light doesn't look at him?
light never thinks kira is evil. even in yotsuba arc he acknowledges that they think very similarly, just that kira has gone too far. (ha, ha.) for all of death note light yagami is light yagami, who says if kira wins then kira is good, who has convinced himself he is doing the right thing. he gets frustrated when other people don't perceive him the same way — lind l tailor, misa killing police chiefs while pretending to be kira — but the anger has nowhere to go other than murdering more people.
light yagami is kira is light yagami. but L, ryuk, everyone doesn't manage to see through kira in the end.
and after L dies, well. no one will ever measure up to L, in light's eyes. he almost idolizes him in the weirdest way possible. so maybe, he thinks, if the only person in the world who could ever possibly see all of him (this isn't true, it's just what light believes) thought he was just a murderer, then maybe —
i think he hollows himself out in the second arc. in the anime he seriously considers killing sayu; in the manga he never does that but justifies his unwillingness to himself by saying that this way soichiro and light won't come under suspicion (they weren't going to in the first place). light doesn't really have a sense of self. L said he was evil and of course L is wrong — was wrong — will always be wrong — but isn't it easy to play into that stereotypically evil image of himself? especially after soichiro, his last moral compass, dies: isn't it easy to nullify misa's memories, to say she's not intelligent enough to be my partner, to kill kiyomi in the most painful way possible?
("light would have done the same things in the first arc!" sure. but not with that much callousness.)
it's just. it's tragic, you know? light has always pretended to be nicer than he is but he isn't the cold any-means-necessary person they thought kira was either. he is constantly playing someone he thinks he is but he can never escape being light, in the end.
does this make any sense do i sound insane
#death note#light yagami#it is. really fucking important to me that L never figures it out in canon actually.#you could argue maybe he does through yotsuba#but i dont think so#i think yotsuba light was so desperate to be moral that he didnt have much of a personality anyway#anyway this is why i am convinced transition could save light yagami#i should probably have written this at a different time to make it sound better but i hope this is . understandable.#it somewhat annoys me when people imply that light is kira internally#like yeah. he's awful. he's misogynistic and an asshole. i like the sadist hcs also#but that's not All of him. it's not#no one sees him in the end. no one fucking sees him at all.#the disciples are sort of an exception to this paradigm because they both know light is kira and think he's right#and misa has lived with him for five years! five entire years!#but misa never really had an interest in understanding him either
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I'm going to do that thing my sister does where I post art I make even if I'm worried people will judge it for some reason despite the fact that I doubt anyone will-
Anyway, have a silly doodle page of a scenario we keep bouncing around in which Lilith is like- ultra sadistic and keeps hurting Alastor when he goes to give her updates on the hotel. There's a bit of stuff to the soul contract stuff we've added but this is all for fun. The two on the left are my favorite-
Anyway-
#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel fanart#feathers rambling#fanart#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie#rosie#hazbin hotel rosie#my art#my hazbin hotel art#Does this make me a loser?#That's fine I'll live with that#why tf do I always worry so much???#Gonna make more doodles of this so you'll have to suffer w/ me#sadistic!lilith#hazbin au
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I'm kinda weirded out that Bi-Han scars his brother and people act like him being a little mean to Tomas is his worst deed and he deserves to die for it or something. Bi-Han doesn't owe Tomas any love or respect. You don't have to like someone just because daddy said so.
I totally agree that hating Bi-Han for not liking or loving Tomas as a brother is pretty wild take on his character, because he did not ask for such a bond, the same as Tomas did not ask to be orphaned and adopted into Grandmaster’s family. Both were forced into a situation created by adults that apparently couldn’t act appropriately to the situation (e.g. killing Tomas’ mother and sister when the family accidentally trespassed on Lin Kuei territory and Grandmaster adopting Tomas out of shame / to save his honor rather than out of love/care for the boy).
What is even weirder to me, Kitana and Mileena had in previous timeline(s) bitter relationship yet I don’t see fandom to hate original/alternative MK9!Kitana for rejecting Mileena ("You are not my family... you are a monstrosity!") and looking down on her because of Tarkatan blood (“[Shang Tsung] has created horrid replicas of me crossbred with Tarkatan blood!”). People apparently can acknowledge that Kitana was thrown into “sisterhood” she did not ask and the creation of “twin sister” happened out of her control and knowledge while also understanding it was no Mileena’s fault for acting and looking the way she was because it was how she was specifically created. If fandom can accept and support Kitana’s choice of rejecting “sister” on the spot without any empathy to look at the situation from her perspective AND AT THE SAME TIME can feel sorry for Mileena, then the similar treatment should be given to Bi-Han and Tomas, as they were presumably children who adapted to the unfamiliar situation in their own ways. However the main difference between those two scenarios is that Mileena is the “psycho” (so Kitana is excused for not wanting her as a sister) while MK1!Smoke is the personality-wise castrated version of MK9!Tomas who for whatever reason is now the fandom’s Cinnamon Roll that never did anything wrong and anyone who doesn’t melt at the sight of this cutie IS BIG MEANIE, boo!
A character not loving fans’ favorite does not commit a crime however fandom wants to present it as unquestionable proof of said character’s evilness. Fictional or real life, people are allowed to not like each other as the definition of family will vary from culture to culture, and from one person to another - it does not however allow anyone to abuse other people, but that should go without saying.
Bi-Han said mean things to Tomas, and Kuai Liang for that matter. He in general treated others in a similar, cold fashion. But objectively speaking he did much more questionable things over the course of the story, yet people are fixated on Smoke’s feelings alone - and to be honest, I'm not even surprised anymore by that.
But you know what frustrates me the most about fandom’s perception of Bi-Han and Tomas relationship? The amount of fanwork presenting Bi-Han as always mean, always abusive to the poor poor little Tomas which is not just the best proof the fandom is set to demonize kid Bi-Han for his adult self’s choices. It is the whole implication that Grandmaster and the Mother and like everyone involved in raising the brothers, all the masters and teachers did not act to prevent it from happening nor cared to correct Bi-Han’s action. And the most sick thing about that? Children imitate the behavior of adults. Do people really think that kid Bi-Han started saying "Lin Kuei blood only" bullshit out of his mind just to spit in the pitiful orphan's face? Like, really?
Stupid beliefs like that come from somewhere and children are taught by their parents and adult people around what “values” and traditions they should respect and follow. We literally know just three Lin Kuei characters and the fact that only Kuai Liang and Tomas rejected Sub-Zero’s leadership while the clan followed their Grandmaster implies Bi-Han’s beliefs are accepted and shared by the clan. So maybe instead of being so set on demonizing kid!Bi-Han - who so far was only said to be “always cold” to Tomas what is not equal to being abusive and cruel on purpose - maybe it is time for fandom to examine previous Grandmaster and the whole clan’s beliefs that A) were passed to Bi-Han to mold him into man he is today and B) apparently fucked up Tomas’ childhood so much.
#mortal kombat#tomas vrbada#sub zero#bi han#my replies#do i sound bitter? good because i'm so tired of this weird new trend to present kid bi han as some sort of bastard#always tormenting poor tomas while everyone apparently don't give a shit maybe beside kuai liang#like do you really think that grandmaster's son in a clan set to turn children into warriors to serve earthrealms#would be spoiled instead of taught the warrior discipline from childhood like everyone else?#and it may be just me but when i hear someone is cold it means he does not want to bond with you not being an asshole with sadistic impulse#but sure let's blame a kid bi-han and not the way he was raised by adults WHO SHOULD make sure kid Tomas was safe in unfamiliar environment#sorry rant over
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My abs are so fucking sore today, I need Retsu Unohana to smile at me with zero mercy reflected in her eyes while making me hold stretches that should be illegal.
#almost cried stretching this morning#and I was like ‘I feel her presence it’s like she’s in the room with me’#Local ages old lesbian does not apologize for making you sob on the tatami mats due to your own hubris#but she Does get sloppy style afterwards#pspspspspsps sadist lesbians pspspspsp
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....I have to see the dentist tomorrow and I can't tell if imagining I'm seeing @taliscat 's scarecrow is making me less or MORE anxious....probably more...if you can't tell I'm mortified
I'm worried that they're gonna tell me I'm gonna have to have surgery for this wisdom tooth coming in and hnnggg if y'all don't hear from me just know that I love you all...
#ri rambles#idk dentists are just#i swear most if not some#are lowkey sadist#which makes it a perfect profession for a scarecrow#but that does nothing to comfort me#r.i.p.
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