#does this count as live-blogging anymore? i AM finished the main story

[thxrgism]

considering the mild plot holes in the case im wondering if this is a V3-1 situation and Eden might turn out to be the mastermind

[that-little-zebunny]

The Cursed Beauty: Chapter one

Pairing: Beast/Prince!James Bucky Barnes x Beauty!Reader (Beauty and the Beast AU)

Warning: this is an 18+ fic!, attempted rape, injury, assault.

Word count: 1,241

Summary: Beauty's curse. :’(( lets keep it that way. Pilot chap 💕

Note: this is something that came up on my rewatching the beauty and the beast 2017 movie on my sad brain day 😅 hope you'll enjoy this. Feedback and comments are so so appreciated 💜 thank you for reading!

Seb Stan & Characters’ Taglist: @nano--raptor @marvelgirl7 ​ @godofplumsandthunder ​ @jobean12-blog ​ @hawksmagnolia ​ @jewels2876 ​ @bugsbucky ​ @tyranneosaurus ​ @hailmary-yramliah ​ @buckosawrus ​ @cherryblossomskye ​ @curleyred2020 @sipsteacasually @harrysthiccthighss ​ @lookalivefrosty ​ 

Series Taglist open <3

You just bid your Father goodbye as he head off to an inventors fair out of town. You prayed for his safe journey and went on with your day. Cleaning the house, feeding the animals, tending your little vegetable garden and your favorite time of the day to finish reading the latest book you’ve burrowed. It was such a lovely story. A lady went on an adventure to find herself and find love. It was almost on the exiting part when you heard continues knocking on your door.

You sighed and got up to see who it is knocking annoyed for having the need to stop reading.

“Who is it?” You asked, removing the lock on your wooden door.

“Y/N, lovely evening. It’s just me Romlow.” Said the person outside. Knowing who it is made you more annoyed. Brock Romlow the town chief and also the most self-centered brute you ever met.

You opened the door wide enough to peak but not wide for him to get in.

“How can I help you?” You asked him trying to hide your annoyance. It wasn’t a secret that he fancies you but you really don’t find him attractive unlike the other girls. He would walk in front of them and they’ll melt. So silly.

“We’ll I saw your father left earlier. I just want to check if you’re doing well on your own tonight.” He said his eyes roam up and down your form. Luckily you haven’t change to your night dress. The way his eyes run up and down your body makes you want to puke your dinner.

“I am perfectly fine, Chief Romlow. Thank you for going out of your way to check.” You said smiling politely at him. He looked at you in a long nerve racking minute before nodding to himself and left.

Your heart was beating badly when you finally closed the door. You really don’t understand the way he acts around you. Unlike the other ladies you don’t bother with how you look. You crave adventure and to be out in the world. You don’t plan on staying here forever, you thought as you walked back to continue reading your book before heading to bed.

  Something crashing from downstairs woke you up. One of the chicken must have slip in while you're closing up but you remembered checking if they're in their coop. Surely you'll notice? Lighting up your candelabra you went down frowning as another crashing sound came up.

As you reached the final step you saw a tall figure near your back door. The kitchen window is now unhinged from its place. You hurriedly covered you mouth as a gasp came up.

Intruder! You thought. Silently you blew the light from your candles and walked slowly to get back to your room to lock yourself inside. Half way up the stairs someone grabbed your ankle making you loose your footing. You covered your head in hopes to not hit the steps but you still felt a sting on the side of your left eye.

You got dizzy for a quick second as your attacker made you turn on your back. You tried to push him off you but he's too big he didn't even move a little with all the force you put.

"Stop! Please!" You begged and you heard a familiar annoying laugh.

"Now you're begging." Chief Brock said. "Been dreaming of having you begging for me." He laughed again making your stomach turn. He ripped your night gown exposing your chest.

No, this cannot happen. You thought. He cannot have you so while he's busy kissing your now exposed breast. You want to throw up but the need to make him stop in your main focus.

Trying to push his face away with your left arm you tried to find your candelabra with your free hand smashing it in his head as soon as you got hold of it.

"Goddamn it woman!" He said angrily. His hold to you loosen and you slipped away from his hold. Getting back to your room will not be an option anymore now that you know who your attacker is. He can just make up some story and get away with it.

So you dashed towards the kitchen area and used the open window he went in with wincing as you foot landed on some rocks. Fighting over the pain you felt all over you run. Running towards the dark forest hoping he wont be stupid enough to follow you there.

You run and run not caring where your feet are taking you. You don't know how far you've run when you saw a hay cart in a small cabin. There are light inside so hiding there wont be an option so with your shaking legs you got up the hay cart.

You made sure you're covered enough in case you're being followed. You're supposed to just wait until before the sun rise so you can continue walking in the forest but somehow exhaustion won over and you fell asleep.

You woke up gasping for air as the event last night came back. You looked around and saw that you're in a dusty but beautiful room. Sitting up the blanket covering your body fell down exposing your nakedness. You heart went wild.

Did he got to you? Were he able to...to...oh god! Tears started flowing down your eyes like a dam with the idea that The Chief was able to take your innocence. The big doors opened and you hurriedly tried to cover you body with the blanket.

A lady came in carrying some elegant looking tea set in a tray.

"Oh my, darling don't cry." She said. Her voice is so sweet and soothing that your loud sobs died down. Putting down the tea on the side table next to you she sat down and held your hand. "Our master found your sleeping outside his cabin in the forest. You're so injured and very much full of dirt that's why I had to clean you up. You're safe." She said and your tears bust out again this time from relief.

"I-I...thank you so much." You said not knowing what else to say. She smiled sweetly and offered a cup of tea. You slowly calmed down as you too a sip oblivious to the man standing outside your slightly ajar door.

His sharp eyes watching your every move.

"She's very lucky you found her Master James." Said his right hand man Sam. "Maybe she's the one that will help us break the curse?" He continued.

James just grunted knowing it wont be that easy as he drunk your beauty in. One look in his face and you'll quickly lose your sanity and will throw yourself at him like any other women outside his household does. It's hopeless. No women will genuinely love him. The Enchantress made sure of that.

Soon his people will sleep and wont wake up again. It was what she said. In his thirtieth birthday if no woman loved him in return everyone he cares will turn into stone in their sleep. That's why he always stays in his cabin at night. He couldn't sleep knowing all the people that truly cared for him will soon be gone because of his selfishness. He’s trying to teach himself how to live on his own. 

Because everything is his fault. His beastly behavior became everyone’s downfall.

[genuineformality]

I posted 1,210 times in 2022

That's 1,178 more posts than 2021!

115 posts created (10%)

1,095 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@taralkariel

@marycontraire

@totchipanda

@elle-rosewater

@saritasoyyo

I tagged 1,036 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#fanfic - 142 posts

#six of crows - 142 posts

#kaz brekker - 90 posts

#vitally important bird content - 72 posts

#please keep bird tags coming - 61 posts

#inej ghafa - 59 posts

#about the author - 54 posts

#writing - 39 posts

#febuwhump - 33 posts

#kanej - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#no shit i spent my first decade of bird watching with a pair of $40 binoculars and an inherited field guide

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I posted my second SOC fanfic yesterday and I have been gauging the response of this one vs the last. Acknowledging that I have a sample size of two and making some assumptions based on time and date of launch, word count, and changes in POV, I have come to the following conclusion:

The Six of Crows fandom greatly prefers stories involving the main character performing a grisly murder and does not prefer noodling about the realities of launching an anti-human trafficking nonprofit in a modern day Ketterdam.

Which, okay. I can see that.

I’m still 100% going to keep writing about Inej’s anti-human trafficking NPO progress, but maybe I’ll try to work a few more grisly murders into the plots. Goodness knows, as an NPO professional myself, I’ve certainly fantasized about being able to solve problems with murder, so maybe this will be cathartic for everyone involved.

28 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

#4

Old Gods of Appalachia continues to do a fascinating piece of storytelling, where the listener is introduced to something bone chillingly terrifying as the preamble and then introduces something that is significantly worse and scares the bejeezus out of the haint whom we have just gotten to know. It is both a brilliant way to introduce multiple types of creatures and also show the relative hierarchy of the things that go bump in the night.

38 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#3

Me, working on my SOC Modern AU: “What would a city created by nearly unfettered capitalism with an actual prosperity cult look like in the modern day?”

Also me, someone living in USA: “OH.”

44 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#2

There is nothing that makes me feel as connected to my ancestors as being on my weekly Shabbat call and forgetting which prayer I’m doing in the middle of it.

“…Asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav-“ look down at the bread in front of me, “-FUCK.”

49 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I have finished Season 2 of @thesiltverses and I am deep in my feels about the nature of faith and how we incorporate it (or not) in our daily lives; the pervasive perniciousness of capitalist propaganda; how the only good cops aren’t cops anymore; the incredible storytelling at work to showcase a world that is both incredibly alien and yet entirely familiar; and how to write people who are Not Good in such a way as to make them extremely sympathetic and relatable. (There’s a longer maunder about the nature and relativity of good and evil in the context of worlds that have significantly different cosmologies, which I’m likely going to have a lot of feelings about later.)

Absolutely incredible work. If you are into horror radio dramas (and don’t mind a *lot* of body horror - like *a lot*), I 100% recommend. Please join me in this absolute obsession. Just cannot get over how good it is.

86 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

[notnctu]

Hey how are you today ? :) I have a question but don't take it as a critic or anything, but, what is (are) the reason for your departure? Why do you want to log out forever from your blog ? Does your blog reminds you of negative moments who makes you uncomfortable? You don't have to answer tho, I totally respect your decisions! ♡

hello im good today ty for asking!!

let me put a disclaimer that there is nothing that makes me feel uncomfortable about being on here or that its something super serious or that i have issues with writing ff

im also gonna put it under the cut bc its super long and i overshare

reasons why i am leaving was that this blog has always been a temporary thing during quarantine, except I did not predict how big this blog would blow up to be, even surpassing the follower count on my main blog. i had left writing three years ago when i entered college because it was something that takes a lot a lot of my personal time. i only started it back up because we were all stuck at home and me and author xuxi got into nct together, started reading ff and reminisced about the 'old days' of when we would write on our separate accounts. and then we took it farther to actually just drabbling here and there out of boredom and wanted to share it with people. i fell back in love with writing after three years!!

but as you know, the world has slowly started opening back up again and some schools are reopening back to in person instruction, my school being one, and i already know that i would have no time to write. i could barely find time to write when it was online instruction lmaoo along with that, writing has become more of a chore than it being something light and fun, where i could write out my ideas for everyone to read. so i feel pressured to finish projects i promised, making it so its not something that i want to do anymore. like i always have it in the back of my mind, "fuck i need to finish ___" or "i need to write ___" :/ and so i feel like it holds me back from just living my life ig

for the reason why i want to log out and delete the app on my phone is because i chose to leave my blog up so my stories can remain. but i dont want to be on this blog or check it. as long as the app remains on my phone, i would want to click on it to check it routinely on a daily basis. i went on hiatus from feb - april? but i still checked notifications daily in the small moments i had (like lounging around, when i went on my phone before bed, when i checked my notifs when i wake, in the silences during car rides) like checking stats for this blog is so obsessive, im proud of where it has become but i guess im always checking to see if a reader left me kind words on my fic or if i received an ask from one of my anons, i just want to know all the statuses that go on lol and i feel like it distracts me because i can't let go of it. me logging out and deleting the app is my form of letting go, it's my own deactivation of the relationship i have with the blog. i just want to stop dedicating so much of my focus into it? if that makes sense

a small part of me too wants to put writing in the past... i love writing, i say that its a hobby of mine, but like seriously i love writing, it's my way of art expression bc i cant draw or paint for shit lmao i have been writing ff since i was in the 6th grade!! all throughout middle school and high school, and now some parts of college. and i just feel like i love it, but i dont want to pursue it anything more than a hobby and i also dont want to write original characters. i havent really explored writing og and i wouldnt really care to tbh and i feel adrenaline when im writing a passion piece, but i would never write if it wasn't for purpose of publishing it and esp fanfiction, i just want to conclude this part of me.

i know this was super lengthy, but ive kept my reasons of departing to myself, not because its anything incredibly personal, but because my thinking process is long when it came to this decision. i chose the date sep 12 because its the start of training for my club, which requires 100% of my time and so i found that it was just a good marker of when i should take my leave.

i appreciate and i wholehearted love every aspect of this blog; my followers, my works, my mutuals, everyone's feedback, everyone's sweet and kind messages, all the interactions, the aesthetic, all of it is something i thoroughly enjoyed and actually made me so incredibly happy. this blog was my safe haven, which is the reason why i can't deactivate it. there are so many parts of this blog that i come back to just to smile (my birthday wishes, my mutuals' support, feedback on stories i worked my ass off for, stories that i am genuinely so proud of, my own shit posts sometimes lmao) this blog is a time capsule of a moment in my life where life was paused and i could literally pass every day as if they were all the same and i could write with no other distractions. and i want to come back to it someday, although it would be long forgotten and untouched, but just to look back and reminisce (again) about the 'old days'.

[that-house]

Hey so I hit 100 followers today!

Buckle up, this is gonna be a LOOOONG post.

I quite honestly expected it (while my ego is a little smaller than my jokes make it out to be it is definitely present), I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

It’s not an insane milestone, plenty of people have 100 followers. A hefty portion of my followers are bigger than me. But it’s still important to me. Knowing that there’s 100 people out there who enjoy my shit makes me happy.

First and foremost the credit quite honestly has to go to ahegao George Washington. No, I’m not joking. Until I posted on r/tumblr about my desire to draw that, I had 0 followers. I jumped to like 10 overnight, which was awesome. And then those new followers helped me spread my posts and get more attention.

Secondly I’d like to shoutout @imaverysadgirl and @themeaninglessjumble. You two were my first real tumblr frens. You were the first of my followers to really interact with me. Ember, I’m super happy you’re alive to see me hit 100 followers. Jumble (I don’t know your name unless I forgot it), your art and creations are great and you deserve way more attention.

To all the rest of you, you guys are great, too. Every new follower makes me happy. I’d say I don’t deserve you all, but my colossal ego says I do. Regardless, being nemesi and getting called out for being horny on main and sending and receiving asks has made this last month or so great.

Finally, for all the shit it gets, and for all the shit it pulls, [tumblr] really is pretty dope. I got to meet you all, and it’s actively making me a better person by exposing me to groups of people I’d rarely interact with in real life.

Why does it feel like I’m saying goodbye? I’m not, don’t worry. I plan to stay, and neither death nor pain shall drive me from this hellsite. I’m just saying thanks.

Now with the thanks out of the way, I want to talk about myself a little. Just the stuff that I’ve always wanted to say and never quite gathered my thoughts and found the time to talk about.

You’re gonna get to know me so well! This is like a mini autobiography!

First off, my mental health. This is something I don’t talk about much on this blog, mostly because it doesn’t need much talking about. I’m doing pretty well, to be honest. I have a smattering of anxiety and I’m maybe a little too introverted for my own good, but I’m not suffering from depression and the only time I ever even remotely considered suicide was when I just really really didn’t want to go to French class. COVID has been great for me, since I don’t have to see people. I suppose I’m not a great person to talk to if you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, seeing as I can’t personally relate, but I’m still always here for you guys if you need me. Just because I haven’t lived through your experiences doesn’t mean I can’t try to help.

Next up I want to talk about my sexuality. This one’s a bit of a mystery. For the past 16 years of my life I’ve considered myself 100% straight. But lately (let’s be honest, following the release of Spirit Blossom Thresh) I’ve been wondering if I might be bi. How many times can I joke about wanting to smash sexy boys before it’s not really a joke anymore? And if I am, a lot of things would suddenly make a lot of sense. But every time I think I have it figured out it suddenly feels like I have no clue what’s going on. Regardless, my sexuality has honestly never been a massive part of my identity (though I’m definitely not asexual, my friends can attest I’m far too horny for that). I have no clue if I’m bi and for now it’s kind of a fun little adventure!

I guess I’ll talk about school and stuff now. Believe it or not, I’m kinda smart. I’m taking a shitton of AP courses this year. But I simultaneously feel like it’s too much and not enough. I’m smart, but I’m not a great student. Compared to my dad, who graduated college with a 3.98 GPA (and his only B being in History of Canada as an American) and now has a super well-paying government STEM job that he loves, I feel like even if I work my ass off I’ll never quite measure up. And my parents have had super high expectations of me, and it’s only recently that they’ve started to accept that I might get some B’s here and there. I’m worried about all the homework this year. I’m a year ahead in Math but I don’t feel good enough at math to be taking AP calculus junior year. I’m worried I’m going to get like a C. But for the most part school is alright, too. That’s sort of the trend in my life. Everything’s alright.

Time to talk about my love life! I have no love life! I’ve been single for 17 years and probably stand no chance of changing that until at least college! Haha I’m so alone! But I can live with it. Growing up an only child with a few friends means that I’m pretty good at functioning without a ton of social interaction, and, while I’d like a partner someday, I’m not desperate. I can wait until I find someone. Pretty much my goal is not to die alone.

Onto sports maybe? I played soccer for most of my life, and was always the worst player on the select team. I was too good for the normal team and not good enough for the select team (kinda like math). Soccer was really toxic, especially when you’re the worst player on a team of high school jock drug addict boys. So I quit, and started playing frisbee! It’s a lot better. The people are nicer! But my first season never happened because of COVID and now I’m in my Junior year and haven’t played much frisbee! So I kinda suck! But I’m physically fit and that’s good enough for me! On my own time I bike and run to stay in shape.

Are you still with me? Now I’m gonna talk about my hobbies and things!

I’ve been playing video games for a long time. I kinda suck at them to be totally honest. I probably have below-average reaction time, and my parents only let me play 15 minutes a day for most of my childhood, so I have a lot less practice than most of my friends. I’m pretty slick with Swain in LoL tho.

This next part is borderline shameless self-promotion, but since the Kickstarter isn’t live yet I guess it doesn’t count. I’m making a tabletop role playing game! I’ve been working on it for the past few years. My goal is to launch the Kickstarter prior to my college applications, because that’ll look sexy as fuck to potential colleges. It’s a post-apocalyptic sci-fi game where you play as supersoldiers trying to reconquer the wastelands of Earth for humanity. I’ll do a big post on it when I launch the Kickstarter, and I guess that’ll also be a full name reveal (kinda spooky since my full name is ENTIRELY unique and one-of-a-kind. More ego boost lmao).

And finally I want to talk about my art and writing. I’ll start with my drawing, and finish off with my writing, since that’s what I’d most like to be known for on here (but that’ll never happen because my caveman brain shitposts are too funny).

So I’ve been doodling for a long time. I briefly got formal art training but sacrificing my Saturday mornings to draw what someone else wanted me to make so that I could make better stuff in the future didn’t appeal to my 8-year-old brain. I draw in the margins of worksheets. I draw on random sheets of paper. Recently my parents bought me a drawing tablet, and I’ve been trying to improve at digital art. I’d say I’m getting better, but I don’t practice nearly enough. All in all my art serves its purpose. It makes people laugh and can sometimes creep people out. It’ll never go in a museum, and I’ll never make money off of it but whatever.

And finally, my writing.

How can I talk about writing without talking about reading? I’ve likely read more books than both my parents combined, and if not, it’s close (and my mom is a prolific reader too). I have three bookshelves in my room and books on every surface. You can’t follow me for long without seeing a post ranting about my latest read. I love to read and I read incredibly fast. Reading spurred my love of English class, which in turn helped me write.

And finally, we get to writing in and of itself. I’ve been writing stories since I was a little kid. I’d like to think I’ve improved a fair bit. I’m still no novelist, but I consider myself a fairly adept short story writer.

But I suppose where my writing really stems from is my bed. Every night while I’m lying in bed, I tell myself stories until I fall asleep. I work on a story until it’s done or until I get bored of it. Along the way, in the shower, on my bike, I build the world of the story, crafting the plot. Sometimes the stories are elaborate fanfictions of my latest reads. That’s probably how they started. Often, they’re unique worlds all of their own. My current writing posts are about the City of Mammon, but my current story in my head is about some vampires who hunt other vampires in Victorian England.

And now we get into the process of writing. It’s fun! I sit myself down with an idea in my head, and use all the fancy words I picked up from my books to convey the vibes I want. I honestly wouldn’t be a great writing teacher. It’s just a skill that comes naturally to me as a result of what I’ve been doing with my free time my whole life. And it’s beautiful. And every time someone compliments my writing or reblogs it, I love writing just a little bit more.

Well I guess this is it. The 100 follower special. I wonder how many of you guys will take the time out of your day to read this. Hopefully a lot!

James (or That House) signing off for the night!

<3 thanks guys

[buggy-d-hoe]

Tagged by: @margothedestroyerr :) Thank you my love <3 <3 <3

Tagging: @booty-boggins, @ocfairygodmother, @lostiintheocean, @mystic-scripture, and whoever wants to do this. Not sure who hasn’t been tagged yet!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs that you would love to get to know better.

Name/Nickname: Ooooo, my real name is a secret, but the nicknames I go by are Grace, Gracy, G, Pip (<3 <3 <3), and I’m sure there are others. IRL, that’s another story hahaha.

Gender: Cis female 

Star sign: Leo...and that’s all I know -3-

Height: 5'5″ish....maybe somewhat close to 5′6″?

Time: 10:50 pm

Birthday: July 26

Favorite Bands: BTS (YESSSS), Blackpink, Twice, EXO, TXT, Blink 182, and others. Honestly, I listen to a lot hahaha.

Favorite Solo artists: Agust D and some others who fail to come to mind at the moment hahaha

Song stuck in my head: Honestly, it’s anything BTS because I have that playlist on repeat. 

Last movie: Batman Begins....for research purposes.....;)

Last Show: Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma...and a word of caution...definitely watch with headphones O.O

When did I create this blog: November 2012 for @itsjustgracy and September 2018 for this blog. 

What do I post: On my main, I reblog multifandom content and works of fellow creators that I’m tagged in. This account is strictly for my characters and my fan-fiction purposes.  

Last thing I googled: "Jonathan Crane Batman Begins”...again...for research purposes ;) and to drool over Cillian Murphy <3

Other blogs: @itsjustgracy is my main and this is my OC blog :)

Do I get asks: Only when I reblog ask games. Very seldom do I get asks outside of that. Annoying haters on the other hand, ughhhhh I wish they took a break and find something else productive. 

Why I chose my url: @itsjustgracy is something I hear a lot IRL (Oh...it’s just *insert real name*/ Gracy) and this blog’s name is from when I was younger and I used to watch this show called Atomic Betty and it sounded cool...which is also a slang word for atomic. So in short: it’s like Cool Gracy (lame...I know hahaha)

Following: 660

Followers: 140 on main and 207 on here

Average hours of sleep: Hahahah...it highly depends. If I get too much, I get cranky and if I get less, the more energetic I am? It's between 30 mins to 4/5 hours? Horrible, I know...

Lucky number: 13 <3

Instruments: I played guitar for a little bit but I don’t remember so much anymore (it was a high school phase). I am a mediocre clarinet player who was first chair during my years playing (only like that word because of Spongebob hahaha, so I guess you can say I was pretty good). I played piano since I was six and still dabble in it (played both genres of classical and other things like video games, anime, pop culture, etc). Does it count if I sing in the choir? I’m an alto voice who can switch to soprano if the number is lacking for the service. Currently perfecting the organ because I am practicing in church :) If you’re lucky, you can hear a wild Gracy humming or just singing to herself. Looking to pick up another instrument and the violin is kinda tempting!

What am I wearing: Black leggings, BT21 Cooky Striped Crew Socks, Sailor Moon black long sleeve, and Pink Sailor Moon hoodie from a friend’s shop (please check out https://www.instagram.com/special.move/ if you like anime hoodies! They have MHA, Sailor Moon, Demon Slayer and they are about to launch their Jujutsu Kaisen collection) 

Dream job: Traveling RN because I want to get out of my area and explore the world. Maybe be an author on the side :)

Dream trip: Visit the #chaoshouse members and just hangout. Other than that, Europe, Japan, South Korea, etc. 

Favorite food: Don’t make me choose! TT_TT My brother and boyfriend already have problems with me being picky and incredibly indecisive when it comes to “What are we eating?”

Nationality: An American that is looking for any way out

Favorite song: All K-Pop songs are stuck on repeat and favorites do change depending on what comes up on shuffle. BUTTTTT...the one song that hits home with me is Epiphany and it’s sung by Jin from BTS as his solo. Not because he is one of my bias, but if you listen and understand the lyrics (yay for English translations) you’ll see why :) 

Last book read: My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. I am throwing up all warnings because the content material, or practically the entire book, is very triggering!!! This is an extremely dark book and even I had to put it down several times because it was definitely difficult to finish. It was hauntingly good read, but the subject material is what really made it difficult. My heart goes out to the author. 

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Harry Potter, not only to chase after Draco, but to live out my childhood. I DO NOT support the author and I would love to make that clear. The Wizarding World is something that has always appealed to me growing up and I used to wish about attending Hogwarts. I am still awaiting my acceptance letter!!!! Maybe anything in the manga/anime field because have you seen the creativity and how awesome the worlds are?!? (Being a hero in MHA, surviving in AoT, raising a Psyduck in Pokemon, etc.). Last would probably be...crud...this is hard...but maybe Star Wars because, apparently, Pedro Pascal, Oscar Isaac, and Diego Luna are enough to convince me that men like that exist <3. In all seriousness, that series  is legit...umph.....so imaginative. Because I said so, maybe LotR because I wanna run around with @mystic-scripture and fulfill our Hobbit dreams....and marry Eomer...because Karl Urban. Also Star Trek....because Karl Urban....and Chris Pine....and cause I love it too. Goodness, I am just blowing this question out of proportion with my thirstiness hahaha.

[tobrodachi]

Nice! My otome game scenario is writing itself up, as expected!

Synopsis: Saito Sakura, a woman working as an author for the famous VN company “N*tr*pl*s” is currently the main writer for an otome game scenario coming up. One night, during The Crunch, she collapses and wakes up in her game world! However, she wakes up as Adelina Fugo, the main villainess/pain-in-the-butt for the commoner protagonist Petra Saenz. Worse than that, since the storyboard was never completed, she’s only got a general idea of where the story’s headed in each of the four main routes, and they all lead up to exile or death of her character!

“Well, worse comes to worse, this all serves as inspiration for when I wake up!”

Tags: Female protagonist, dense protagonist, otome isekai, her hands are rated E for Everyone, we going ham with this bois.

Chapter 01/??:

The Crunch, or how I learned to stop worrying and love coffee.

My name is Saito Sakura, a 28 year old Visual Novel writer for N*tr*pl*s who’s currently struggling to make ends meet. Got myself a nice little apartment over at the Narita prefecture, got enough money for my daily expenses, and I love my job. But if my life is so rose-tinted, then why am I struggling?

Because, and let me be clear here, having all of those nice things means absolutely jackshit when you’re pulling a month-long work into a single week. Especially if it’s the third day of said week, with the blinds closed unless I want to invoke the Mother Of All Headaches, and haven’t slept for the past 72 hours and counting; all while subsisting on a diet based of vending machine potato chips, extra-salty tuna onigiri courtesy of my juniors, and an ungodly amount of that sweet, sweet nectar known to mankind as coffee.

Thank you, God of Coffee, for allowing us mere mortals to harvest your beans for our gain. For giving us the inspiration to think of new and innovative ways to prepare your juices, so that we can pair it up with other produce. Milk for the stomach, sugar for the heart, and cinnamon for the soul.

Mmmmm, spicy~! Just the way mama likes it.

“Excuse me, miss Saito.” a voice I couldn’t identify called out to me in the middle of my coffee break, accompanied by a hand clasping my shoulder at the same time.

Rude.

I blinked to get the fog out of my eyes, and fixed my stare at.... who was him again? All I can recall right now are names of characters and places that don’t exist (yet!), and this self-important NPC comes to talk to--

“Please, go back home and take a rest, we’ll cover for you.”

!!!!!!

I take back everything I said about you, my most favorite intern! May you be blessed by the God of Coffee for anything you may need, without suffering from stress-induced gastritis until you’re late in your 40′s~

“Thank you, but I still need to finish at least some sort of idea for the Childhood Friend route, and I’m still struggling to find ideas for that.” My mouth replied still in auto mode, while brain-me was still off in lala land----

Saito Sakura, you utter and absolute fool! How dare you let your heart dictate what your mouth says!? Apologize to me, dammit!

“As expected of our senior! Please, keep doing your best!” My most hated intern cheerfuly replied as he waved and went back to his work station.

Noooooooo~! Please come back and give me back my well-earned freedooooom~!

As I took another sip of coffee in disappointment, my mind went back to think about the southern regions of the Patagonia, while my fingers started moving on their own to an invsible script.

After what felt like hours, I look at the clock hands, and they’re still at 10. Is it morning? Night? I lost count of the pass of time after my 20th cup (and trust me, I kept count), with my own sleepiness never quite leaving the edges of my mind. And now, even the center.

Can’t.

Think.

The only thing keeping me awake is that burning sensation in at the lower part of my chest that seems to be coming from my stomach, and the sheer sensation of my heart wanting to grow legs and jump out of me. What’s worse is that the burning sensation isn’t even calming down, but rather going up; but I’ll take this over not finishing near the deadline.

My sight blurs once again, and I try to focus back to the screen.

The screen stays blurry.

It’s alright, I can still type, even if I can’t see the keystrokes, it’ll just be that intern’s job to figure out what I wanted to write~

Except, well, my hands stopped moving. Huh, fancy that. I can’t feel my hands anymore drumming their beat against the keyboard, so at least I’m assuming so.

I look back at the still blurry monitor, and I can see it’s coming closer to my face, aaaaaand it just went up and above my head, and ow, now besides having this really annoying burning feeling in my chest, I now also have a killer headache.

But on the flip side, now I’m also feeling really, really, warm and fluffy and wonderful.

Maybe I’ll stay like this for a few more minutes....

______________

“-o sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!” A mop of brown curled hair doing its best impression of a person apologizing actually said to me while bowing down.

Wait, that’s actually a human person. Nevermind, carry on.

I scoffed and resisted the urge to yawn. Who does this girl think she is? Queen Anne? Puh-lease! Not with those clothes!

“Excuses, as expected of someone who doesn’t even know their place.” I replied, while picking myself off the ground-?

Wait, what was I doing on the ground in the first place? I find it unlikely I was taking a nap, I was just finishing admiring the great mountainous view of this campus---

Wait, that’s not it, I was in my office and then everything became blurry before---

I looked back at the talking mop herself, and she seemed even more apologetic than before. It seems she said something else before, but I didn’t pay attention to it. I gazed at my -gloved?- hands -whenever did I put gloves on?- and saw the silk fabric sullied by the gravel from the road. Seriously, a lady shouldn’t pick up herself like this!

“So, who are you supposed to be?” My voice sounds different- I ask to little miss mop over there, what a sorry view. But at least that question made her look up into my eyes.

Good, she’s got at least a semblance of backbone.

“M-my name--” She stuttered, aaaaaand what little respect she earned went down the drain. Doesn’t she have any self-respect? “-is Petra, Petra Saenz. I’m so sorry about---”

“Keep your mouth shut, and zip up your apologies.” I said -isn’t it rude, though?- haughtily because, again, how dare this imitation for a human try to go through life without affirming her presence?

I heard giggles around me, and turned my head to find my followers -wow, even a girl posse, nice- trying to hold their laughter at the situation. A quick glare fixed it, and they stopped the noises, clearly afraid of what may come. Good, it wouldn’t do to have anything else.

Turning back to the mop, she seemed even more cowed than before, as if expecting divine retribution, which may as well be what’s happening here.

“You’re talking to-” Saito Sakura, Saito’s the family name “-Adelina Fugo. Tennis Ace, Treasurer of the Student Council, and New York’s future Best Selling Author!” Wait, where did that come from?

Oh, wait, those were my goals when I was a kid!

But while those girls were nodding and clapping at my declaration, the mop looked more lost than ever, and this time I couldn’t even fault her.

“Uhm.... what’s New York?”

I’m asking myself the same here.

The other girls stopped clapping and looked at me expectantly.

I -want to rub my eyes and drink some coffee- pick up a flower-patterned fan I had hanging on my hip, before hiding my mouth with it.

“OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!” -damn, that felt good to do, even if it WAS hammy- I laugh before fanning myself.

“If you don’t know about it, then you’re not even fit to be in this school!” Can’t let them see me hesitate after such a blunder. My father won’t let me hear the end of it if he hears I backed down after such a ridiculous claim - wait, why would he have to hear it, I live alone - No, I don’t, I’m not even of age!

This is.....

so confusing......

A/N: Well, after reading one too many otome isekai web novels, I decided to try my hand at writing my own! If the synopsis catches your attention. I don’t know when I’ll update it, but I’m aiming for a once-a-month update schedule, both depending on response and my own workload.

This is still in its rough sketches, so the setting is bound to change eventually.

My first intention is to write a “transported to another world” where the protagonist lands herself in the middle of a visual novel she’s creating targeted towards women, where you can court any of 4 romantic interests, in this case boys. That, however, doesn’t mean that those won’t be her only options (if she ends up actually courting anyone).

Since I’m still worldbuilding, I wanted to get this introductory chapter out of the way before commiting to anything in the world.

I should definitely make a blog for this down the line

[serpentsangel]

Talk Me Down: Part Seven

A/N: I’ve been feeling better and have managed to write a decently long chapter and I am proud! I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far because I am enjoying writing it and I’m almost at 600 followers and I’m excited because I never thought that was possible so I want to thank every single one of my followers. Whether you started following me for my writing or just my blog in general, I want to thank you. You are awesome! <3

Plot: (Y/N) enlists the help of Reggie to prepare for her first high school party. Despite his hatred towards Chuck and parties, Reggie comes just at the right time before he could let Chuck strike again. And Reggie’s conflict between his feelings and his future collide, testing him once more.

Words: 3,750

Warnings: Underage drinking and attempted assault

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Part Seven

“I don’t wanna do this anymore!” Reggie pouts as he closes his book and pushes it away, crossing his arm like a child as he curls up into himself and faces away from (Y/N), who rolls her eyes and picks up his books again opening them to the last page and placing a hand on Reggie’s shoulder and attempts to turn him over. “No! Let me hide! The information is evil!” He peaks over and hisses before covering his head with his hoodie.

“You’re being such a child Reggie.” (Y/N) chuckles as she gets up and pokes his ribs with her foot.”Get up, big boy. You aren’t five. I’m pretty sure you can manage to understand plant biology. It’s not that hard.”

Reggie huffs and covers himself with a blanket so (Y/N) couldn’t get him up that easily. “That’s easy for you to say. I’m just as clueless as animals are when they enter a Venus fly trap.” Reggie throws the blanket away as he manages to sit up, resting his back at the footboard of his bed as he lets out a frustrated groan. “Plant biology sucks just as much as any other Biology! Maybe I should’ve just taken something else and suck at that instead.”

(Y/N) closes her books and places them to the side as she sits down next to him. “Maybe we should take a break. You’ve hit a roadblock. That’s another tip for you, don’t overwork yourself too much, if you can feel your brain just about to explode from everything that you are trying to remember and whatnot, just take a break. Refresh your mind. Clear your mind and just, don’t think of the work while you’re on a break.” (Y/N) rests her head on Reggie’s shoulder as she lets out an exhausted yawn. “What do you wanna do while we take a break? Talk about life? Dreams? Is this what friends do?”


Reggie laughs as he ruffles up her hair. “You’ll get the hang of it eventually. Well, is there anything happening in your life? How is your high school experience so far? I’m really bad at small talk so don’t have any high hopes of this conversation going anywhere.”

“You can’t count on me for that either. All my mother ever talks about is her business plans, dealings and making sure I turn up to her socialite dinner parties so she looks some what respectable for being a single mother in the rich world.” (Y/N) says, getting up from Reggie’s shoulder and stretching her aching limbs out before slipping on one of his jackets as the room starts to get cold. “I’m surprised by my ability to even carry a decent conversation with you considering how much my mother and I barely talk like this. You’re just so, easy going I guess. A natural listener and maybe that’s why I feel like I can talk to you for hours on end until you shut me up from being annoyed by my voice.”

“Your voice isn’t annoying.” Reggie mentions. “And I guess it’s just any regular part of being human is having the ability to listen.” He shrugs as he stands up. “Want to have a snack or something? My mom just went grocery shopping yesterday so I’m sure we have lots of options to choose from.” He reaches his hand out for her and (Y/N) takes a hold of it as Reggie lifts her up to her feet with ease. The two of them head downstairs as Reggie grabs himself two apples and opens up the fridge for (Y/N) to see. “What do you usually eat?”

“My mom has people that cooks for us and its always decided by her. I’ve never actually decided, on my own, what I want to eat. It’s always been predetermined by my mother, something about keeping up ‘the look’. I’ll have some orange juice, please and this apple.” (Y/N) grabs herself an apple from the fruit basket as Reggie pours her a glass of orange juice. “Thank you, sir.” She takes a big bite out of the fruit and takes the glass. 
“I saw you at Vixens practice the other day.” Reggie mentions. “Thought you weren’t going to join.”

“Meh.” (Y/N) takes a sip of the juice and wipes her lips. “Yes, initially I didn’t finding the sport in itself to have some negative connotations but I want to try and be engrained in the student life that I never got to know and I have two some-what friends in there. Betty and Veronica have been such sweethearts to me and they’re kind of the reason I want to stay and not because Cheryl wants me to be the main choreographer or as she called it ‘the second coming of Cheryl Blossom’.”

“Just…” Reggie sighs. “Be careful alright. Especially with Chuck Clayton. I don’t like him. Never have and never will.”

“I may now know another boy now, Reggie but don’t be so jealous.” (Y/N) throws an apple seed his way and struggles to contain her laughter as his face squishes together at the seed hitting the tip of his nose. “He seems like the kind of guy that’d look at me like the so called freak but we share two classes together and he seems decent enough.”

Reggie tightens his grip on the apple as he bites into it intensely, trying his hardest on spilling all the beans on Chuck and risk having (y/N) label him a lier and a monster for even considering placing some serious allegations on him and if he draws her away now, then Cheryl will only make his life more hellish than before. “Jocks can be assholes, I’ve known my fair share of them and they aren’t pleasant people to be around, (Y/N).”

“Are you one of those assholes, Reggie?” (Y/N) teases, throwing another apple seed, this time Reggie catches it and chucks it her way. “I deserved that.” She gathers all her fallen seeds and throws them away. “I get it, you’re one of my first friends in this wild, wild, world and you’re looking out for me and I appreciate that because someone like me can get easily lost in the craziness you have grown up with but I’m handling things pretty well. And I can tell when someone is using me or is faking around me to get something from me or to use me in some crazy scheme. If Chuck is a bad guy, I’d be able to tell when the time comes. He invited me out to a party tomorrow. You should come, you’re team mates right?”

“You believe what you want to believe, (Y/N).” Reggie throws away his apple core. “I get that, but what if something happens and its too late? What are you going to do then?”

“You’re making it sound like he’s going to murder me or send me to a hospital.” (Y/N) finishes up her orange juice as she takes hold of Reggie’s hands. “I will be fine, okay? I appreciate this protectiveness of friendship and my wellbeing for being such an outsider to your world, but I’d like to experience it all in its entirety. Let me get hurt, I’ll learn from it. Let me know what betrayal is because there’s so many human emotions and trials that I haven’t properly experienced that I don’t think I can relate to anything or anyone until I feel them. Living with my mother up in Rosewoods and drained me from experiencing anything else but sadness, and neglect.” She smiles softly. “If things get unbelievably horrible, I’ll let you do the ‘I told you so.’ as I cry over ice cream and steal your jackets because this is the comfiest thing I have ever worn.” (Y/N) jumps off the chair and swirls around in his oversized jacket.

“For someone that sounds like a damsel locked up in her castle, you surely are wiser beyond compare.” Reggie chuckles. “And you can borrow my jackets on the condition that you have to wash them and return it back to me. Especially that one because it’s from my all time favourite band and I use it in my free days.”

“Deal.”

“Also, don’t get yourself caught up too much in a mess. High School isn’t as glamorous as it seems on the screen. If you trip off the wrong person, who knows what kind of chain reaction that’ll set off. Make sure you know who you’re letting in and make sure you keep the terrible out. It’s very much like a jungle, it’s survival of the fittest and if you can’t keep up and adapt, then you’ll miss out.”

(Y/N) stood up proudly as she smiles at him. “See? You know something about animals and ecosystems. So, what do you say? Ready to get back at it?”

As night rolled around (Y/N) realizes it’s time to head home, if she wants to make it to school in one piece on Monday. She pokes Reggie’s side as she picks up all her things. “As much as I’d like to stay and watch you draw tigers all over your notebook, I have to head home before my mother turns to Freddie Krueger and tries to go at me.” (Y/N) tugs at Reggie’s hoodie that she has on, wrapping her arms around herself, basking in its warmth.

“Right, right.” Reggie gets up and follows (Y/N) out of the door. “Get home safe, alright? Text me when you arrive and if you don’t text by midnight, I’m going to assume your mother killed you and I’ll call 911.” The two of them laugh at the idea.

“You got it, sir and thanks for today. Even though we were studying and learning about boring things, I had fun. You’re a cool guy, Reggie. Don’t ever change that.” (Y/N) gives Reggie a tight hug before running over to her car where Torres wasted no time in driving off, he himself not wanting to feel Margareta’s wrath. Reggie stands there and watches her drive off, feeling a part of himself chip off each time he watch her go because each time he does, it only means he’s getting a step closer to watching her leave for good and the mere thought of it has slowly been growing much more sour. And though he can’t change her mind about Chuck, without him seeing like a dick himself, the least he can do is protect her from him and even though he promised to never go to another party after the debacle of his summer camp, the least he can do is attend Chuck’s party. For (Y/N)’s sake.

Sunday finally rolls around and that means tonight is Chuck’s party. (Y/N) woke up earlier than usual simply because the nerves of attending her first party consumes her. She skims through her closet once more and picks out one more dress and looks back at all the outfits set out in front of her but her mind still cannot decide how fancy or casual she needs to dress. On a whim, she grabs her phone and calls up the one person she can easily talk to. “Hey! What’s up?” Reggie greats her. “What has you calling me so early in the morning? Not that I am complaining because you can call me whenever or whatever. Anyways, what can I help you with?”

“What do I wear?” (Y/N) bursts out. “I have four different dresses and outfits set out in front of me and they all make me look like I’m attending a funeral and I have about five other shoes I can wear but I just don’t know what I should wear!”

“Are you seriously asking me, Reggie the ‘jeans, shirt and hoodie’ guy, for fashion advice?” Reggie couldn't hold in the laughter. “What do you need my opinion for? Are you attending some red carpet event and need my expert opinion on your look?”

“It’s for Chuck’s party, tonight.” (Y/N) groans as she falls into her bed and speaks through the pillow. “This is stressful.”

“(Y/N), it’s only eight in the morning. You don’t have to worry about this until, like, later.” The sound of dishes echo in the background as Reggie jogs up the stairs and into his own room. “Why are you so worked up about this? Is there someone you’re trying to impress?”

“No!” (Y/N) exclaims. “At least, I don’t think so. I just have never been to a party on my own and I don’t know how any of this works! The only parties I have gone through were business deal celebrations that I was forced to go to and my outfit was chosen for me! And I also want to look like I know, to some degree, what I am doing! This is the once chance I am getting to show people that I am normal and that I am human and that I can adapt! Like a chameleon with their colours.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Reggie calms her down, sitting up and grabbing his car keys. “Don’t worry about it too hard, alright? You’ll look perfect no matter what.” A pause, Reggie realizes what he’s just said and his cheeks go completely red and he’s glad (Y/N) can’t see. “I can come over and I can help you choose an outfit if you want?”

“DON’T! You are not ready to face my mother. How about I skype you or send you pictures. Your opinion really matters to me, Reggie. You’re like, my only proper friend right now. I trust you.” (Y/N) gets up and forces herself to go through her closet once more, maybe there’s something in there that can make her look a lot more lively than a funeral. She spots a few skirts and tights and throws them into the mix.

“Well I am honoured, I have my Skype set up, just call me there. I’ll see you.” Reggie hangs up. He waits patiently for the call and as he waits he quickly fixes his hair and double cheeks to make sure he is wearing a shirt just as he presses the answer button. “I feel like I’m spying on you and it feels wrong. Also, I feel like I may be the only person from school to ever see your room and let me say, I am heavily impressed.” Reggie comments.

(Y/N) waves his comment off as she adjusts her laptop screen for Reggie to be able to see her properly. “It’s going to be a secret no one will ever believe you in, sweetie. Now, I have a few outfits and I hope you’re strapped in properly because this is going to be one heck of a ride.” (Y/N) disappears off screen as she changes to a short cocktail dress that was an off shoulder with a singular sleeve that captured her body beautifully and when she steps back in Reggie had to suck in a breath. “So this is dress number one.” (Y/N) twirls around as she lifts up her foot to show off the bedazzled black velvet heels she accompanied the outfit with.

“That’s the one!” Reggie chimes in.

(Y/N) pouts. “Oh come on Reg, this is only the first outfit!” (Y/N) snatches one of the other dresses from her bed. “You’d be the worst boyfriend ever!” She jokes as she goes back to try each and every outfit she gathered together and through it all, Reggie sat down, gave comments and eventually it came down to the verdict. “So, what do you think?”

“Honestly, wear all of them at once because you looked awesome in all of them!” Reggie says.

“I’d look like a freaking balloon if I wore all!”

“Well, I did like that fourth one you had BUT if you wore the baby blue skirt with the long sleeved, off shoulder top, with the light grey tights and those heeled boots then I think you got yourself the outfit of the night!” Reggie leans back comfortably and proudly. “Honestly, maybe I have a lot more fashion taste than I credit myself.”

“I like that too and maybe try wearing something other than a shirt and hoodie to school.” (Y/N) smiles. “Now, I’ve got some things to do, but will I see you at the party?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

By the time (Y/N) got there, the music was pumping and there was a hoard of bodies just swarming out of the place stumbling here and there and she was insanely terrified at first. It looked like it came straight from a horror film and the sight itself almost deterred here away but people have already spotted her and if she turns away now, then she’ll only give them another reason to talk behind her back. Pushing through a few drunk people, (Y/N) finds an opening in the living room, a game of spin the bottle starting as she moves towards the kitchen where she finds Chuck managing a few drinks. He spots her and lights up as he shoves through his friends to get to her. “You made it! Grab a drink, we’re about to start a game!” Chuck waltz into the living room, (Y/N) quickly grabs a drink and follows him. She spots Betty, Veronica and Archie and goes to sit next to them.

“I thought this was only going to be a small gathering of friends?” (Y/N) questions. “I feel like I walked into a b-tec frat party.” She shouts over the music into Veronica’s ear.

“Whenever a high school jock says he is throwing a ‘small’ gathering at his place, this is what he actually means. It’s kind of lingo for a house party. Rarely ever does someone actually hold a small gathering of friends for a game of monopoly or whatever.” Veronica explains as Chuck steps into the centre, announcing the commencement of Spin-The-Bottle. A few students go first and (Y/N) felt highly confused by the point of the game, you spin the bottle and you have to kiss whoever it points at? Whats the point of this?

Eventually it falls to her turn and Veronica has to nudge her in order for (Y/N) to reach the bottle and spin it, her heart racing as it slows down and she’s almost too scared to look up and see who it lands on. As the bottle comes to a halt, she follows its direction and its non other than Chuck. Right before she leans in, (Y/N) chugs down her burning drink and gulps to herself as she starts to lean in, her eyes close as her lips come in contact with Chuck’s. Everyone around them cheers as the pair kiss for a few seconds more before separating. Chuck smirks at (Y/N) as a small invisible blush creeps up on her cheeks.

The festivities go on, (Y/N) getting more drinks each time, kissing a few more of her peers before she decides she’s done with locking lips and wants to just dance and drink. Reggie comes in as everyone has reached their peak drunk threshold and he flinches as he smells the toxic air, wanting to throw up as he opens the door. His eyes wander around but despite his tall frame, he couldn’t locate (Y/N) or Chuck and there’s no use in trying to ask anyone here because they could barely hold themselves together. After a few minutes, Reggie is ready to give up until he spots (Y/N) and Chuck drunk making out in the corner and a fire erupts in the pit of his stomach and when he starts to see Chuck take her hand and lead her upstairs, Reggie couldn’t stand there.

He forcefully pushes himself through the sea of drunken bodies as he follows Chuck upstairs, watching him turn to a room. A few more people pushing and Reggie finally finds the door, bursting through just as Chuck was about to crawl on top of her. “Get the fuck away from her, Chuck!” Reggie pulls him off of her, Chuck tries to put up a fight but his drunken state prevails as he falls over. (Y/N) groans on the bed, half asleep as Reggie swiftly picks her up over his shoulder. He struggles to bring her through the party but he manages to get her outside where he carries her bridal style. Torres spots this and immediately runs over.

“What on earth happened in there?!” He screams.


“It’s a high school party, smartie. I know how horrible her mother is and I need your help.” Reggie begs. Torres nods as the two of them get her into Reggie’s car.

“Her mother left earlier and won’t be back till tomorrow noon. If you can get her well and safe from school, I will tell her mother that (Y/N) made it home safe and is in school.” Torres hurries for his card and gives it to Reggie. “Please protect her, because I am seen as nothing more than a driver and Madame will kill both of us if anything were to happen to her. That’s my number, keep me updated. If you need help, I will come over and retrieve her.” Torres takes (Y/N)’s phone from her purse. “Her mother has a GPS tracker on here and if she sees her anywhere that isn’t home then we’re all screwed. Here.” He hands Reggie a spare phone. “Use this.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure she is safe.” Reggie assures him as he gets her safely strapped in. As he drives home, he looks over at (Y/N) laying sweet and sound in the back of his car and his mind wanders around, a comfortable flame sparks in his body and he shakes it off, knowing that soon he’s going to have to shatter her completely. He pushes aside his personal feelings as he clears his throat and attempts to put on his game face once more but he smacks his hand against his steering wheel as he curses to himself, looking back at her once more, seeing the peacefulness settle on her face only making his heart weigh down more. 

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

TAGLIST: @serpent-squad @daddyxpea @notanotherfangirl @superhalsteads @abbigail-583 @static-heart-break @thesouthside-princess @idontknowhatiwant168393 @djdre92 @maryosprinkle @jimmys-afterlife-love @sarasmismyonlydefence@ccshbh @sweetpeaprompts @fantasiasvt @flannels-and-fire @xeniarocks

Want to be added to the taglist? Just message me and I’ll add you into the next chapter!

[theempresskaizer]

Tagged!! 30 Questions

tagged by two lovelies @kakihoden, and @arimii​ (smooches you both, may strength fill your bones and happiness take root and grow from your hearts)

Nickname(s):  Ythmir, myusername works fine too

Gender: Female

Sign: Scorpio

Height: hmmm im not sure, 167cm?? 165??

Time: 11:50pm, otherwise known as that time i somehow regret drinking that espresso but also am vibrating with energy so yeahhhhhh

Fav band(s): too many to even remember properly anymore tbh and on the top of my head, Panic@theDisco, FOB, Maroon5, Kamisama I Have Noticed, Florence and the Machine, Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike (lmao i consider them a band in the loosest sense of the word ig uess), Kaleo, The Rigs, Amazarashi

Fav solo artist(s): mafumafu, S!N, SymaG, Deadmau5, Karmina, un:c, araki,  Megaterazero, and so much more i cant even list them all but im currently just browsing youtube for utaites so if you know a random singer with lots of personality to their voice hmu

Song stuck in my head: cover version of Roki by amatsuki feat melost, and Inochi ni Kirawareteiru cover by mafumafu, boi i got the feels

Last movie I saw: i.... i have not seen a movie since last year... ;A;

Last show I watched: i rewatched the ikemen sengoku anime haha

When did I create my blog: April 2011 (s w e a t s) and my sideblog around April 2016 

What do I post: reblogs mostly on my main, and writings on my sideblog!

Last thing I Googled: complete list of utapri cards released for the mobile eng version because i am a nerd and i need a database to look at

Do I have any other blogs: yeah my sideblog! check it out for fanfics and original writing if youre bored, maybe?

Do I get asks: H A R D L Y D: prompt me people!! on my sideblog! do itttttt

Why did I chose my URL: it’s my oldest OCs name and my title haha, i chose it because im bad at choosing names and think im a clever lil shit

Following: 874 (a mess, i know) (i cut it down to 700 but end up following a bunch again and at this point i might prune it again)

Followed by: i havent even reached 500 beh haha

Average hours of Sleep: 6-8, any less and im bound to be malfunctioning

Lucky number: i have just the worst luck im just i dont know :/ fortune does not smile upon those who are grit their teeth and dig their heels and scowl because they cant win at rockpaperscissors

Instruments: once upon a time i tried learning the guitar. now i just do rhythm games. do they count?

What I am wearing: pajamas and my sins

Dream job: writingwritingwritingwritingwriting, basically telling stories and using words to convince people that hey look up and see the magic around you, you know

Dream trip: anywhere with history which is basically every nook and cranny of the planet but in particular i want to go to places where people move and live and breathe and learn about them. there’s so much to learn and so little t i m e ! ! you stand there and you look at them and you realize that so many of them have layers and layers of history and you just want to know who they are and what they do and sometimes you press your ear to the walls and they whisper back.

Fav food: anything that does not have mayonnaise (DISGUSTING)

Nationality: w h o knows?? 

Fav song: atm i am listening on loop to: Nonsense Literature as sung by Mafumafu or un:c; Dramaturgy as sung by Rib, I thought I was an angel as sung by S!N, and Roki as sung by amatsuki, someonen gimme new music

Last book I read: currently trying to finish And I Darken by Kiersten White, i find it compelling bu t where do i buy the time to finish???

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: let me into anything that has urban fantasy or with dragons, or better yet BOTH, let me have my lovelies

Blogs I would like to get to know better: despite the unfortunate fact that i am not the most consistent presence on here and i am a really awkward entity i have been looking at a few new blogs so if you dont mind me barging in unceremoniously into your internet lives, lemme have it:

@shadowfairyy , @countdowntocake ​, @shadycupcakestrawberry ​, @acrispyapple ​, @rizosrojizos ​, @oh-my-otome ​, @pseudofaux , @nobume-dateand @dreamscapesin1582, and at all the people im struggling and too shy to tag because i admire you all

[likeabulletyoucanhurtme]

The 100 (questions that is....not band or TV show)

1. If you were on a 2 hour road trip and could only listen to one song on repeat until the trip was over what song would it be? idk it would depend. Could be Neck Deep - In Bloom but also if you go with Dream Theater - A Change Of Seasons thats only like 4 plays :) 2. If heaven or hell didn’t exist and wasn’t a reward would you still make an effort in being a good person? Atheists believe in good. 3. What’s your poison? Vices etc. JD 4. What’s your favorite thing about your hometown? the football team lol.

5. Are you a better friend to your friends than they are to you? It's a mutual thing that we don't really talk lol. I'm a horrible friend to most people but one did say I was angel, which was a compliment cause she’s religious even though I’m not

6. Have you ever ran a red light? I can't drive, but I ignore traffic signs when walking. They're more of a suggestion than a rule especially in Glasgow.

7. Who is the most influential person in your life? I influence myself; fuck all y'all.

8. Give me a hot take. What’s the unpopular opinion you stand by? Love Island is pish

9. What would the ten year old you think about you now? 10yr old me wanted to be an astronaught so idk lol probably disappointed

10. What’s your favorite city to visit/live in? Town lol I don't do visits

11. Tell me the story of your first kiss. She asked me out and I was kinda dithering but then just as she was walking away I shouted yes at her like a fucking lunatic and she turned around like "....oh." Then we snogged :P

12. What was your yearbook quote (if you didn’t have one what would it be)? The romans didnt invent a great civilisations by having meetings. They did it by killing all those who opposed them.

13. What’s a non-sexual turn on for you? Millie's Cookies <33333

14. Who’s your favorite non-animated movie character? The wee old dear from Last Train To Busan <3

15. You fall into $10K and you have to spend it on yourself and not bills, what do you buy? Gig tickets, alcohol and stuff off my list

16. Have you picked names for your children yet? one

17. Do you have any talents? I'm very good at singing badly

18. Which would you prefer: Netflix and Chill or iTunes and Chill? Netflix or iTunes themselves. I ain't got no chill. And no-ones interrupting me if I'm listening to music/watching something

19. Fill in the blank: I want to ____ your _____. _hug_, _soul_

20. Is once a cheater always a cheater true? idk people can change but I'd say the relationship is forever ruined. Someone that cheated on me might not cheat again, but I wouldn't trust them anymore.

21. In one word, What was the reason your last relationship failed? complacency

22. What’s something therapeutic you do when you’re stressed? listen to music

23. What was your favorite non-Pixar Disney Film? Big Hero 6

24.  Ruin a first date in 5 words or less. "I like country music" :P

25. Drums or Flats? I thought this was about music or highheels but google says its about chicken. And I prefer boneless!

26. Do you remember your last dream? What about? No idea, I don't remember them much I'm just greatful for whatever sleep I can get.

27. Do you want your kids to go to church, synagogue, temple, mosque? why? Never! I don't want to fill their heads with nonsense and a life of trying to conform to outdated arbitrary rules just so they have a good afterlife.

28. If Gerard Butler, Russell Crowe, and Liam Neeson get into a bar brawl who wins? The press?

29. Looking back would you have lost your virginity sooner than you did or later? Sooner. The lateness was not for lack of trying

30. Do you have a favorite book? Not really but it used to be either Reaper Man or The Hitch-hikers Guide To The Galaxy

31. Fuck Marry Kill? Do I get to pick my own??????? Fuck - "Main Course" Marry - hahahaha no Kill - your hopes and dreams

32. Is college worth it? Why? Yes because its good to know things and worth it to get a better job so you're not working beside me :)

33. Favorite Cartoon growing up. idk I can't really remember what I watched.

34. What’s your favorite social media besides tumblr? I'm on Facebook more but that's just to play games mostly

35. Does your first crush still look good? I don't talk to her anymore but her pictures aren't too bad

36. Do you think starting a gofundme is begging or helpful? Depends on the reason, like I've seen one just for a sesh which is fucking stupid, but like Americans do them for medical bills or some legit reasons.

37. Sesame Street or Barney? Sesame Street! Cookie Monster<3

38. What you’re favorite R&B Album of all time? I hate them all.

39. What movie(s) do you know all the lines to by heart? I can quote bits of films but probably not the whole film

40. Would you date someone you met on here? idk like I prefer this as a more anonymous space to share things and rant about people who actually know me. If I'm doing this right no-one I meet on here should figure out who I am :) But yes I'd date y'all cause you're all wonderful peoples

41. Would you rather be too hot or too cold? Too cold, it's Scotland you know?

42. Would you date yourself? I dont think I could put up with my own shit. And if it was like really my personality in a female form we'd be far too fucking shy to speak to each other.

43. Apple or Android? Android, Apple is a cult

44. What is the first song that you can remember learning the lyrics to? Daydream Believer for my aunties wedding

45. What are 3 of your favorite Michael Jackson songs? I genuinely do not like any of them but Alien Ant Farm covered Smooth Criminal if that counts?

46. Fill in the blanks: it’s not cheating if ___ ____ ____. you haven't actually kissed or slept with the other person and you're only sharing inappropriate messages on facebook and they've already said they're not a homewrecker... sorry, too specific?

47. Could you put your dreams on hold to support your bf/gf pursuing theirs? my dreams have been crushed so it would depend on what theirs were

48. What’s is the title to your autobiography? The Life And Times Of A Fucknut

49. Is there someone you’re trying not to call or text right now? YES! SO MUCH. I want to message her all the time but she hasn't messaged me and i dont want to appear desperate even though I am so I'm not gonna message first although I check every 5mins if shes messaged me

50. What is your favorite emoji or emoji combination? :P or ;)

51. Do you have any deal breakers in relationships? cheating lol.

52. Are you Tre or Doughboy? I had no idea so I googled it and Wikipedia says "Tre is highly intelligent but has a volatile temper and lacks respect" which is so me :) Idk who doughboy is lol

53. Favorite movie? Don't really have one tbh. I have too many I want to watch to bother re-watching something i've seen.

54. How long do you talk to someone before you expect a relationship? when you talk to someone its the start of a relationship in the loosest sense of the word because friendship is still the relationship between two people

55. Ruin a first date in 5 words or less. repeat questions would ruin a date cause it proves you're not listening

56. How old are you and how old do you feel? I'm 29 but I feel the same as i always have

57. Tag your favorite tumblr blog. @evilsupplyco

58. Your house is burning down and your family is safe what is the one material item you’d grab? my phone'd already be in my pocket so laptop?

59. How long until you introduce your bf/gf to your family? theyve met

60. Fill in the blank: All you need in this life of sin is you and your ____. Nope. All you need in this life of sin is you. No and your anything

61. Kobe, Jordan, or Lebron? neither

62. What is your favorite Drake lyric? I hate everything he has ever said

63. Where did you meet the last person you fell in love with? I don't fall in love, I believe I only fall in lust/infatuation/obsession.

64. Do you know your love language? I joined a shitty website to find the answer. Apparently it's physical touch and then words of affirmation.

65. Take a Myers Briggs Personality Test: what are your results? No. I fail at these. The questions are never things that i would do so i feel like im unintentionally lying and it never sounds like me

66. How do you feel about Quentin Taurentino films? Violence and blood what could be better?

67. Fill in the blank: Get you someone who will ______. _worship you as the amazing and beautiful bad ass bitch that you are <-- actual drunken advice from me

68. What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? Spiderman 2 i actually had the album

69. What’s your favorite fragrance on the opposite sex? i dont care what they smell like as long as its not fags

70. Is there any magazine, blog, or publication you read weekly? Nope

71. Will you abstain from sex or go to marriage counseling? Why are these my only options? But I'm not going to counselling, if they have issues then they should just tell me :)

72. There’s two kinds of people in the world: Those who pour ketchup on their fries, and the ones who put it on the side to dip. Which one are you? The one who doesn't order ketchup at all.

73. Rough sex or slow sex? Both. Either. Any lol

73. Have you ever slept with a stranger? Nope. Not that I have anything against it I've just never had the opportunity

74. What’s your dream music collaboration? Produced by who (Dead or Alive)? idk but probably produced by rick rubin cause that guy does eeeeeverything lol

75.  What song will you probably conceive your kids to? Music would just be a distraction

76. Do you have a scripture or quote you live by? Nope

77. Finish this sentence: If men had birth control _____. itd be free

78. How long should sex last? As long as both partners need

79. What music do you listen to when you de-stress? Just whatevers next on the playlist

80. How soon should you text someone after getting their number? The next time you want to tell them something but they arent there beside you?

81. How do you feel about the 80/20 rule? Living in lol but its more like erm 20/80?

82. Is sex a determinate in a relationship? Yeah. Why would you get with someone if you're not at least somewhat attracted to them?

83. Is it wrong to move in with someone or “shack up” before marriage? Nope

81. Send me a never have I ever. Never have I ever enjoyed beer

82. What is your favorite video game of all time? Spyro The Dragon

83. Who is your favorite book/movie character? "SQUEAK" said the Death Of Rats

84. Can you define love as best as you can? Nope

85. Does size matter? I hope not, women like taller guys lol.

86. What is your favorite thing about the person you like? Physically? Personality? idk

87. Five Year plan? Go! Don't get fired, save money, get an actual house, buy stuff off my list?

88. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? idk i dont understand me so why you asking me?

89. Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do? I don't tend to think of myself at all really... and why would I identify myself?

90. What does emotionally available mean to you? Someone who is not emotionally closed off?

91. Could you go into business with your ex? Hahahahahahahah no

92. What is the last song you sang aloud? I'd Rather Drown ineverletpeopleinandihaveyoutoremindmewhy

93. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? They do. They told me. It sucks cause it changes nothing except igniting that small bit of hope id given up on...

94. How do you prefer to obtain your music Streaming, Downloads, or Physical? Physical albums for artists I like, even though it just goes straight into the laptop anyway i still like having albums

95. Name an artist you like that your friends probably don’t listen to. What friends? But erm Archangels Revenge. I doubt the ex members listen to them as much as I do lol

96. Tag someone that’s probably her baby father. this makes no sense?

97. Post a selfie you really like. nope

98. Do you watch anime? What is your favorite? Death Note or The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya so far, but ive got a lot on my list

99. What’s the zodiac sign of the last person you dated? Aquarius

100. Do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior? I know that he is not either.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Half Blood, Whole Heart: Part 17

Pairings: Jax x Reader, sister Winchester!reader- SOA/SPN Crossover

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, torture.

Word Count: 2,410

A/N: So I decided to repost my novel- the story that someone stole from my old blog and put up on Wattpad. PLEASE don’t be an asshole and steal my stories. It CRUSHED me when it happened and almost ran me off Tumblr.

Half Blood, Whole Heart Masterlist    Aesthetic by @ravenangel33​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The torture never stopped. Day in and day out for years you were cut, filleted, burned, beaten; ripped apart and put back together. You thought of only Jax and Thomas every single day; wondering if Jax was going to be OK without you, wondering if your son would grow up calling someone else mommy. The more you thought about your boys, the harder the demons would beat you but you never once let that stop you. You refused to let them break you no matter how much you wanted to just give up.

“How are they?” A cocky British voice said one random day. It took you a moment to place the voice and even longer to weakly hold your head up and look at the King of Hell.

“Good, sir. We are getting very positive feedback…”

“Crowley…” You croaked only to have another layer of flesh peeled from your arm. The man only glanced over at you for a moment as he walked by before he came to a dead stop and spun toward you.

“Bloody hell? Why was I not told we had a fucking Winchester?” He roared as he snapped. The demon that was carving you up disappeared as Crowley stormed over to you. “How long have you been here?” He asked gently as he healed the seemingly never ending wounds on your body.

“Don’t… know.” You rasped, your voice dry and cracking from lack of water. “7… 8 years maybe?”

“Bollocks.” He grumbled as he snapped. The straps holding you to the rack disappeared and he carefully lifted you up. “I will take care of you lot in a moment.” He snapped at the demons as he stormed out of the room with you. You blacked out for a while because when you came too, you were lying on black silk sheets as Crowley sat down on the bed next to you.

“Am I dead?” You groaned as he handed you a cup of water.

“Yes and no.” You drank greedily and he refilled the glass before he explained. “Your soul is in hell which means you are dead however you are still tethered to your body almost in limbo which is why you are able to still remember your boys despite the torture. Meaning…”

“You can send me home.” You said, your voice holding a lot more conviction as you finished the second cup of water. “How long have I been gone?” He shook his head as he took the empty water glass from you.

“Apparently my demons weren’t fantastic at keeping records so I have no idea how long I have had you. My guess from what you have told me is about a month.”

“The witch…” You said as you pushed yourself up in bed and you grit your teeth as every inch of your body protested. “Crowley, I tried…”

“The boys got her, darling. I’m startled that they didn’t inform me that they had lost you, however.” You started pushing the blankets back and gingerly scooted to the side of the bed.

“Look, I really appreciate you saving my ass but I need to get home to my son. Can you…?” Crowley nodded as he moved to stand in front of you.

“You should rest…”

“No.” You interrupted him as you found your feet and grabbed his arm to keep you upright as tears fell down your cheeks. “Please…” You looked up at him as your bottom lip trembled and he sighed.

“Alright. I’ll send you back to your body. I’ll pick you up topside and take you back home.” You nodded as you stretched up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you.” You saw a slight blush creep to his cheeks and his brow furrowed.

“Alright, enough of that. This will hurt.” He placed his hand in the middle of your chest and with one last look in your eyes, he shoved you hard. Your sore body felt like it was soaring through fire for a moment before you came to a sudden stop. You gasped and opened your eyes. You took a moment to adjust to the suddenly too bright light as you tried to figure out where you were.

You were in a basement but it appeared as if the house on top of it was burned down. There were large chunks of charred plywood beams littering the expanse before you and you realized you were in the basement of the Amityville look alike house. You looked up at the spot where the hole you fell through was at the same time Crowley looked down at you.

“Plan on living in a hole then?” He snarked and you scowled.

“Figured I could decorate it with chunks of flesh like my last living space.” You crawled through the charred remains of the house as quickly as your body would allow as Crowley waited.

“Do you Winchesters ever ask for help?” He asked as you brushed your hands off on your jeans and walked through the remaining part of the door frame.

“Nope, dad wouldn’t allow it.” You looked up at him with a small smile and he chuckled.

“Your dad was an interesting man. I met him, time or two in my day.” You stopped in front of him with your eyebrow cocked.

“You knew my dad?” He shrugged as if uninterested.

“Yes, well he spent many years in hell before your brothers rescued him.” Your stomach turned at the memory of what you had just gone through and what your dad and brothers had been through in hell and you cleared your throat and fought back tears.

“Oh.. Umm can you just take me to Gemma’s. I can walk if it’s…” You didn’t have time to close your eyes before Crowley snapped and everything around you shifted. The trip was much shorter than the one to Ireland so it seemed like only the blink of an eye before you were in your mother-in-law’s driveway. You threw your arms around Crowley’s neck and whispered thank you before running to the house.

“Mom?!” You called out as you pushed open the unlocked front door. “Thomas?” You heard a loud screech that was followed by a glass shattering and a chorus of ‘mama’ repeatedly. Sobs of joy racked your body as you ran toward the kitchen just as Gemma was stepping into the hall.

“Oh, my girl.” She sobbed as the two of you hugged. “You’re alive. Thank God, you’re alive.” She pulled away and pushed you toward the kitchen where your son was attempting to climb out of his high chair to get to you. He already looked so much bigger than when you last saw him.

“How long have I been missing?” You asked through your tears as you picked him up and held him in your arms.

“Three weeks, four days. Sam called the shop and told me kind of what happened…” She lit up a cigarette and sat down across from you at the long table she used for family dinners. “He told us to just tell everyone you must have been missing because they couldn’t find your body after.” You nodded as you kissed your son’s forehead.

“So, long story short; we went after a witch who caught me off guard. She tried to kill me but couldn’t. My soul was in hell but from what Crowley said my body was like in limbo which is why the boys must not have been able to find me. He rescued me last night in hell time which is much faster than our time. To me, I was gone for like 8 years.” She gasped as you grabbed her pack of smokes off the table and lit yourself one.

“Are you alright?” You nodded as you took a long drag and looked down at your pride and joy.

“Just glad I didn’t miss everything. How’s Jax?” You asked as you looked up at her. She exhaled toward the ceiling and shook her head.

“A wreck. I actually have my visit today so we better get you home to shower and change quickly so you can take the spot. No offense, you smell like burnt hair and road kill.” You nodded with a weak laugh and took another long drag of your cigarette before putting it out.

“Thanks mom. For watching Thomas when I couldn’t.” She waived you off as you put your son on your hip and got up from the table while forcing yourself to keep your soreness from showing on your face.

“I knew you were coming home. You’re a Teller.” She came over and wrapped you in a hug. “Just don’t ever do that to us again.”

——

“Babe?” You looked up from the book you were reading your son at the sound of your husbands voice and tears immediately filled your eyes. You stood up so quickly, you sent the chair you were sitting in next to Gemma toppling over as you ran across the room and leapt into your husband’s arms. You cried against his neck as the two of you held each other as close as physically possible.

“Ground, Teller.” You heard a guard snap and you forced yourself to unwrap your legs from his waist as he crashed his lips to yours.

“You’re never going hunting again.” He said against your lips and you nodded as he cupped your cheeks in his hands.

“Trust me. I agree to that. I just got back from spending 8 years in literal hell.” He gave you one more kiss before he pulled back to say hello to his mom and his son. The three of you sat at a corner table and you told them everything that happened since the last time you were there as Thomas played with toys contently. You smiled to yourself when you realized you really did have an amazing child.

“Yea, no more hunting.” Jax said as you finished your story and Gemma nodded in agreement.

“Believe me. After that experience, I will stick to just being a mom and a wife. I’ve got enough excitement in my life. I don’t need anymore.”

~~~~~~ LATE JANUARY 2010 ~~~~~

'Why does my house smell like boy?!' You groaned as you tried to clean around Thomas who had every toy he owned spread out around the house and Opie, Kozik, and Chibs who were helping carry in new furniture to finally replace the stuff that had been broken during the Djinn incident seven months before. You were ripping the contents out of your closet to wash everything when you found the main culprit. You crinkled your nose at the black back pack and carried it at arms length as Thomas came running into your room.

"Mommy fss." He said as he showed his fish bath toy. You smiled at just how adorable your child was as you picked him up and put him on the bed.

"Yea, baby boy. That's Thomas' fish; your fish." You opened the backpack and cringed as you were assaulted with the smell of body sweat and a hint of coppery blood. "Oh baby boy, your daddy is gunna be the death of me." You said as you grabbed the laundry basket and Thomas dive bombed the bed repeatedly with his fish in reply.

"Did you know I asked him four times if he unpacked this bag?" You cooed more to yourself as you started throwing salvageable clothes into the laundry. "He swore up and down that he would take care of it and yet here mommy is..." Your words were lost when a red ribbon tied around some letters caught your eye. Your stomach turned at the idea that someone was writing love letters to your husband.

"He better pray..." You whispered as you pulled the letters out of the bag. You exhaled the breath you didn't realize you were holding as you read over the note on the very top of the stack.

Jackson,

The truth about your father is in these letters. You should know John like I did.

-Maureen

You thumbed through the stack to see at least two dozen letters. With a sigh, you turned to put them in Jax's bed side table drawer for him to read before curiosity got the better of you. You sat down on the bed and pulled one at random out of the ribbon.

"One little peek won't hurt, right baby?" You asked your son as you opened the letter. Seeing a story, Thomas abandoned the fish and crawled over to sit in your lap. With a quick glance toward the hall and the nursery door, you recited the three little pigs as best as you could from memory as you read the letter to yourself. You couldn't stop your hands from shaking as you read the most damning accusations about your mother and father-in-law.  When you finished the first one, you reached to read the next one as Kozik, a new patch from Tacoma called your name.

"Where do you want this?" He asked as he walked into the bedroom with a floor length mirror. You held up a finger as you faked a coughing fit to cover up the sound of the letters hitting the floor so he didn’t see them.

“Umm... ehhem. Just lean it by that dresser." He nodded as you went back to tossing clothes from the backpack into the laundry basket.

"You OK? Need a glass of water or something." You giggled and shook your head.

"I'll grab it in a second. What I need is a husband that doesn't leave old sweaty clothes in a backpack in my closet." Kozik laughed as he turned and headed out of your room.

"The day Jax cleans up after himself is the day that I'll become Midas with his gold fingers.” He called out to you. When you were sure the coast was clear, you put your son on the bed and grabbed the letters. You looked around the room for some place to stash them and decided for that moment, under your mattress was the best place until you could come up with something better. You had no idea what could be in the rest of those letters but one thing was for sure. Maureen hid them from Gemma in Jax’s bag for a reason and you were going to find out exactly what your family was hiding.

Part 18

[hamimagines]

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

♫  turn and face the strange  ♫

So obviously it’s been a bit since I’ve posted any real content on here. Part of that is because I’m a full-time double major honors program student with a part-time job so like what even is free time. But the other part of it is a lack of inspiration and motivation. Frankly, after a year and a half, I don’t feel like writing Hamilton anymore, and I think that’s become pretty obvious. So here how things are gonna be moving forward. 

All your favorite series will be written to completion. 

I intend to finish what I’ve started. I will wrap up all the current storylines I’ve left open (yes that includes Tango, Jilted, and Couldn’t Ask of course). After that, I probably won’t be writing anymore Hamilton fics. I’m not going to say that I’ll never write anything Hamilton again because I don’t know maybe I will, but I’ve written so many Hamilton fics that I can’t even bear to go through and count them all anymore. I’m a little burn out on that front. 

I will be publishing things outside of tumblr. 

Most recently, an original short story of mine has been accepted and will be published in the spring issue of online literary magazine Acorn & Iris. I will share that link when it goes live, as well as any other publications I have should they come (which I really hope they do).

I will not stop posting on tumblr completely. 

I’ve decided that this is just gonna be a fic blog. No theme/fandom necessary. If you follow my main blog @petewentzdickpick   you’ll know that I belong to a lot of different fandoms, and I’m just gonna write whatever I want for whatever fandom, and it’s all gonna get posted on this blog. Which means, 

I will not be writing exclusively Broadway 

I will probably still write fics for other musicals or plays, but I also want to write fics for TV shows, books, and podcasts. 

Requests are going to change. 

I will still be “taking” requests, but that does not guarantee they will be written. It’ll be more like suggestions. They’ll probably sit in my inbox until I feel like I need some inspiration. They could turn into headcanons, drabbles, or full-length fics. Or they could not be written at all. So don’t expect to get a fic written by me just because you asked for it, but I do love hearing your guys input and ideas so don’t be afraid to send it in. 

I will not be changing my url. 

My I’m not writing ham anymore but #linsin is still such a brand so like no. I’m hamimagines that’s just who I am. 

If you actually read all of that, god damn I love you. If you just read the bolded parts, I still love you. Regardless of how much you care or not, thank you for taking time to read this, and thank you all for your never-ending flow of support. 

<3 Ranch

[tinypurpleparrot]

Fanfiction Writer Asks

Fuck it, I’ll do it myself, because I know I can’t count on you nerds to actually ask anything. :p

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

I really don’t know. I’ve been writing creatively since I was like 6. I don’t really remember writing for fandom until Pokémon, but I’ve been in fandom since the original Sailor Moon and Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers.

 2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

I guess the Yogscast. Except I only really like a few of them, and it sure as shit isn’t the main channel people. I haven’t found a new obsession because I can’t sit still for tv anymore, and I’m a patient gamer/reader. So once I find something I like, it’s probably old and everyone’s already moved on.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

OCs. I am boring, shy (and thus no fun), and quite good at ruining the moment.

 4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

Action/Adventure. Fight scenes. Getting out of dire as fuck situations. Underdogs.

 5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I have so many… XP I guess a story I wrote in called Royal Infamy. It was literally hundreds of pages long, spanned at least 4 different fandoms, and could’ve been a standalone series if I just changed the names. Unfortunately it’s been lost to the ooooolllllddddd (and I mean 2001) internet. I like to think that maybe it’s on some ancient server, saved by those sorts of people who try to archive the entire internet and have literal exabytes of hoarded data. It was also how I met my SO of 13 years.

 6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

A Prince of Persia fic. I don’t even like Prince of Persia.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I never get as much inspiration as when it’s 1am and I’m supposed to be going to bed like a normal person. But never at a normal hour in the evening unless I’m inspired at work and have to rush home before I forget.

 8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

It used to be from all the anime I used to watch, now it’s cobbled together from fantasy books and video games.

 9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Like erotic fic? Eeeh. I’m so terrible at it that I literally only have one, I’m writing it right now, I’m not finished, and I don’t particularly like it because I keep subconsciously writing away from the part where they hold hands because I’m conflicted and discomforted by the whole thing, to be honest. Like, even when I was adolescent and supposed to be thirsty as teenagers are, I just wasn’t and couldn’t. My ex tried to get me to write something for him, and I still couldn’t do it. *shrug* It doesn’t help that I’ve never been big on shipping. …Those characters sure are standing next to each other, yep.

 10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

Hahah… endings. That’s good. (Also see previous question.)

 11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can recall, unless you count ‘stop doing that thing’, ‘okay’ *does it more*

 12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Rythian. Fuckin’ edgelord. Just everything about him and his OC is *kisses fingers*.

 13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Unfortunately Rythian is usually entangled with other people from the Yogscast. :p

 14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx?

Current project doesn’t even have a title, that’s how non-committed I am to it (she says even though it’s fast approaching a novelette.)

 15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

If it’s an OC of a particular universe, there’s probably a naming convention, and I go by many names. If it’s just generic freestanding story, I keysmash and pick through it until it rolls off the tongue.

 16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Classic ‘rivals who hide their sexual tension behind their distaste for one another.’

 17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

“I haven’t seen your face since when you first came back from The End. And the … incident with trying to rid you of your curse.” He chuckled. “I’ve actually seen a lot more than your scars.”

 18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Like 75% of my work is abandonware. I have ADHD, I get bored, and I usually take so long, the fandom “dies” before I can finish. And the moment is gone.

 19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Royal Infamy. And make it mine this time.

 20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Probably Royal Infamy.

 21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Ilona Andrews. Her style is exactly what I aim for. …Okay maybe not the monster fucking, but the rest of it. Exciting, tense, a little bit scary.

 22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

The Prince of Persia fic. The first draft of the erofic. The weeb crack.

 23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Silence. My brain goes 100% towards analyzing music and then I can’t focus on anything else.

 24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Eeeeeeehhhhhh *whines* I don’t wanna…

 25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Nope. I don’t write that kind of pain.

 26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The part where these two people who’ve tried to murder each other could even reasonably be in each other’s presence, let alone fuck. Also eternal hatred for evasive genital description brought on by a broken, puritan society.

 27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I should start making outlines. My current three projects keep going off the rails.

 28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

To go in with no expectations of people ever responding let alone giving feedback to anything. You’re just tossing shit in a hole and for every ton, one flower might grow.

 29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I did a thing about how Lalnable Hector created Echo, and *crickets*.

 30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Twenty years later, I still get emails about a fic I wrote about Birdy the Mighty (C-tier anime about a dead boy soul-sharing an intergalactic cop’s body.)

 31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

-

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Other than putting slivers of wish fulfillment in, no.

 33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Someone found a fic I wrote in two weeks in an archive over 20 years old and sent me kudos. Like, that shit should’ve been buried. But they found it.

 34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Mary Sue. And you’re goddamn right she was. And I’ll fucking do it again.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Nope, not for fear or anything, I just don’t think to share before it’s done because I’ll probably abandon it anyway.

 36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

You’ll be unsatisfied with the ending.

 37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

You fucking made me open one of my old Gundam Wing crack fics to check. Now I don’t know because I’m still cringing.

 38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

*shrug* Like… I haven’t done a collab in *checks calendar* 17 years. I don’t have any live fandoms. I’m not big on trying to meld with other people’s styles.

 39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third.

 40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

No.

 41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

Can’t think of one. I usually don’t have minor/background characters?

 42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

…Okay, now I seriously can’t tell if xxx means erotic or a particular example. 😐 Anyway, I for some reason lost the ability to link songs to fics/personalities. I just don’t think of any particular person when I hear a song and vice-versa.

 43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

That would imply enough people cared.

 44) What is the last line you wrote?

Despite the queen pushing him, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to (which he didn’t.)

 45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I don’t fucking do this it’s going to bother the fuck out of me for weeks, even if I don’t finish. Just get it on paper so it goes away.

 46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

More action and intrigue.

 47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

 -

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

The antagonist finds the protagonist’s berserk button and realizes that maybe they should not have pushed it.

 49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can’t remember fics I wrote. And shit, that was at least 23 years ago. (She says even though she can perfectly remember her first fantasy novel 30 years ago. (The Gammage Cup))

 50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I think. I’ve gotten good feedback from my more serious stuff.

[conversationswithhank]

(Side Note: I knew this day was coming, but it crept up on me all the same. This is our 1000th conversation over on our main blog (www.conversationswithhank.com) and it is so fitting. This post wasn’t planned it simply worked out as it should. Thank you so much, all of our readers, for peeking into our daily lives one conversation at a time, for embracing the analog nature of our format in a hyper digital world and for getting to know Hank and Molly without ever seeing their faces. A lot of you have questioned if these conversations are real over the last four years and I will always stand by the fact that they have to be! I could not make these up if I tried. I am a writer, but I am not capable of inventing this kind of magic. I am merely the scribe who is blessed with a remarkable family, with my very best family. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, ~ Joy (aka Me)

****************************************************************************************************

Hank: Mama?

Me: (exhausted, icing my hands, end of the day sofa slump before dinner) Hum?

Hank: Are you still working on your book?

Me: Everyday.

Hank: And writing your blog?

Me: Monday-Friday.

Hank: And working at the Casa de Memoria (The House of Memory) doing pottery?

Me: When there is a tour group.

Hank: (looking at my hands holding frozen gel packs) But you aren’t drawing and painting anymore.

Me: Oh, I am in my imagination.

Hank: Oh! You’re so smart, Mama. I like that you are an artist and a writer and you do so much all the time. It is like you have two jobs.

Me: It is like I have multiple jobs. Let’s count: I am a mom.

Hank: Is that really a job?

Me: An often thankless 24 hour a day 7 days a week for 18 years but really for the rest of your life kind of job.

Hank: Oh.

Me: I write the blog and I promote the blog, rather poorly I am afraid to admit.

Hank: Right.

Me: I do freelance writing.

Hank: That is when people ask you to write stuff for their blogs or magazines and stuff.

Me: Yup. Then I also work freelance doing wheel thrown pottery instruction and present the Cantarinhas dos Namorados keeping the local tradition alive. You know there are only three potters left who know how to make them the specific way we do in Guimarães?

Hank: And you are one of them.

Me: Isn’t that sublime. I’m just a little girl from Indiana carrying on traditions that date back to the 16thcentury.

Hank: Annnnnnnnd you are writing your book.

Me: I have written many, many books. Mostly short stories, fairytales, gothic macabre fairy tales, children’s books and now a longer book that takes up most of my day, but hardly feels like work it is so much fun getting this story out of my brain and on to paper.

Hank: The book made you cry today.  You were crying when we left your computer.

Me: That happened, yup.  (whispers) That is a sign things are going well.

Hank: And you are going to publish this book.

Me: Publishing is the longest and hardest and last part to writing a book. I am going to finish this long book, then I am going to edit it, I am going to ask a couple trusted friends to read it and give their opinions, then I will start shopping around the first chapter to literary agents. There are other ways to publish if I catch no one’s interest, but what is important is the work. What is most important to me, with all my jobs, is that I do and make good work. Without question good work always is the best reward.

Hank: You do so much.

Me: And I am blessed to be able to work just enough to support my family and enjoy my life. My grandpa Hof taught me that.

Hank: He’s the one you called Bubb?

Me: And he called me Bubb right back. He taught me to work just enough to be stable so you have plenty of time to be happy and to really live. He was like me. He worked at Mullins Mills as the overtime night foreman making bathtubs and kitchen cabinets, but he also had a greenhouse where he grew chrysanthemums and he had standard bred horses and he was the papa to four kids and he had chickens and ducks and rabbits and a half acer farm and a big old house. He had many little jobs all giving him the freedom for happiness. He didn’t love working at the mill, but it helped pay the bills and my grandmother was a music teacher in the public schools and she was also a choir director at the Presbyterian Church and all those little and big jobs brought in money and kept the lights on, sometimes it was a stretch, sometimes it was stressful, but they were happy and made happiness a priority.  There are some people who believe that you should have one career. One important job that lifts you up, gives you status, affords you more than what is needed. Don’t get me wrong, Hank, money makes things easier but money does not buy you happiness.  Sometimes the best way to live your best life is to live contrary to how other people think you should and focus on your best life and live it creatively. Your papa and I are very creative.

Hank: Because science is the same as art. You have to imagine and invent and make your ideas real and work hard and prove stuff.

Me: That is right. I wouldn’t want to live any other life than a creative life. I have tried and it made me very sick from unhappiness.

Hank: That’s possible?

Me: It is very easy to fall into that trap, but because your papa and I are both creatives we support each other, really listen when we’re in crisis or at an impasse, we can adjust our schedules, help brainstorm possible solutions and as a team we make this wonderful life work. It wouldn’t be everyone’s best life, but it is our best life.

Hank: But papa is always stressed.

Me: Do not take that personally, not one day, mister. That is just how your papa is and it has nothing to do with you or I or his job that is just how he functions. That is his way of being, but this is why we are both so balanced him and me.

Hank: You’re never stressed.

Me: Rarely. Your papa is serious and I am silly. I bring the fun, although your papa is the funniest person I have ever met and clearly the funniest person in this house although Molly is giving him a run for his money.

Hank: (giggling) I love our life.  I don’t know what my life will be like when I am an adult, but I am happy now and I want to be happy then, too.

Me: Your happiness is paramount.  Happiness makes you rich, not money and certainly not fame. Cultivate it like a garden: tend it, nurture it, feed it and make sure it never withers and dies.

Hank: That is the saddest thing I have ever imagined.

Me: I am gonna be real with you.  (holding up my swollen arthritic hands) I got a lot stacked against me, but I am the richest woman in the world.  I love my life, I love my family and I am so very incredibly blessed. I would not change a single thing and I wouldn’t trade our life for anything in the world.

Hank: Me, neither.

Me:

Hank:

Me:

Hank: Mama, when will you be done writing?

Me: Never.

Hank:

Me:

Hank: That wasn’t the answer I wanted, but I like that answer.

Me: (grinning)

[writingwithinwriting]

Honest, soft spoken knicker-untwisting: I should probably say something about this whole Hollie McNish debacle, because I can.

(Hollie McNish, disagreeing with me.)

I have always maintained that some of the best insights you can hear in any field often comes from the person two-weeks into their endeavours rather than a person who has been doing it twenty years. 

This is also horrible, horrible advice and there is a reason I run a blog and not a full-blown literary journal. But then again, I have only been doing this for a year... Thus, I present to you my nicest hat I have to be trampled in the ring: here’s what I have to say about this whole PN Review debate...

If you have our ear to the ground on the poetry scene, someone said something not at all positive towards the current state of spoken word poetry. The piece is loudly proclaiming how it feels and I am not going to say what they are saying is totally invalid, I know I am a humble peasant in all of this. It is well worth a read. You can read Hollie McNish’s response here and, what I think is the most succinct defence out there, Melanie Branton’s well-written retort here. This isn’t a reply, it is a report from how things look from my point of view.

I hope not to prove that spoken word at large is indeed academic, or needs to be more technical or artful, or that the what reaches people fore-mostly is necessarily the best of what is out there. I think everything is fine, knickers simply need to be untwisted in this situation. Instead, I put forward that there is a reason that people are being reached by the poetry of this ilk, and it isn’t because we’re all beginning to drag our poetic knuckles as we frollick in delirious circles over the plug-hole of impending illiteracy blinded by our own conveniences.

I could use words like spiteful or vicious about the review, but I think the review knows that it is spiteful, and it is happy with its life choices. Watts doesn’t jive with spoken word as a genre and has mistakenly decided to attack it as a whole. 

“What good is a flourishing poetry market... less appreciative of nuance, less able to engage with ideas, more indignant about the things that annoy us, and more resentful of others who appear to be different from us?” 

I could write an entire piece around this statement which seems to misunderstand the fundamentals of the contemporary spoken word altogether but other poets have said it better and will continue to say it better than I can. But I will instead focus on what Watts missed.

She doesn’t deserve to be attacked for expressing her frustration and opinion in a genre that can often be an echo chamber of ideas. I welcome her voice as an outsider to spoken word. I read some of her work and it’s perceptive and has a lot of effort put into it, her voice deserves to be heard, she makes many good points but draws few good conclusions in my opinion.

I can’t even say I am neck-breathingly familiar with the work of Rupi Kaur or Hollie McNish or even Kate Tempest, of whom I consider myself a fan, who are all dragged into this piece. I decided to catch up on the work of Kaur and McNish for the sakes of this post, discovering I rather liked what I read and listened to. I won’t distract from my point by going out of my way to expand on my feelings. What I can say is that I am very familiar with the criticisms at hand here.

Mostly because Lindsay Ellis beat me to the punch with what was going to be one of my main points...

This came out after I had finished my first draft of this bloody blog post and I had to redo it all over again. I was going to talk about my unquestioning love of Jupiter Ascending and everything.

Ellis says it better than I ever could: this isn’t anything new, people just don’t like women. Even women don’t like women-y things. Our presence does not imply success. I’m not a woman myself, but I am easily mistaken for one all the time so I understand the resentment people have for when a medium is invaded by the feminine youth of today. People love to shake their fists at teenage girls; harbingers of degeneration in everything they touch with their grubby, right-swipey, manicured fingers.

Thankfully, I can ramble on more than just that aspect of why I think the review isn’t anything to be worried about. This isn’t a totally gendered issue, there are many facets to this and from what I can see it is a generational issue in many regards. Watts isn’t exactly middle-aged, but I know plenty of people who could be safely counted as millennials who dislike the technology that defines us as a generation and the possibilities that come with it. 

Social media allows us to show too much our lives to other people, it ruins the magic. Social media lets us show the best bits of our lives, its all false. Social media lets everyone have a platform regardless of quality, everyone has a blog these days. etc etc. Which brings me back to the review: Watts makes a few logical leaps in the piece which seemingly amount to ‘this ideal of honesty before technique has come to the forefront of these popular pieces of work no one can take them seriously anymore and they are the knell of the populist take over.’

I don’t want to attack Watts when I say perhaps she believes there is a throng of seraphic artistic thinkers whose opinions are the only ones we should care about thereby making her statement non-contradictory. Maybe in a few years time I will no longer be a sparkly-eyed amateur and agree. For now, I personally think that spoken word heading into the mainstream is a sign that it is being taken more seriously, not less. As well as a sign that more people are engaging rather than mindlessly teething over it. 

I think Watts has inadvertently proven that things are going rather well for spoken word; the piece brought up a defence hot on its heels and sparked rich debate, and must have been relevant enough to publish in the first place. Which is why I’m not angry, its why I don’t think McNish is all that bothered in her response. The review misunderstands how people take part in poetry these days. You can’t maintain that “the reader is dead” and also say the consumer has taken over; readers are consumers. 

People read and listen to Kaur’s work, they make hundreds of choices a day, they listen to Elliott Smith on their turntables whilst they eat toast with almond butter, or play Drake on repeat on their iPhones on the way to work as they shove a meal deal into their face. They might own tote bags, they might own tote bags and constantly forget to use them. They may or may not use groupons or own houseplants. You can’t just call the people consumers when things don’t go your way.

These are people, teenage girls on Instagram are people, many of whom care about things like caesuras and others who just feel resonant with the work of people they find in their every day lives. Maybe they are both.

I’m sorry not everyone knows where their local independent bookseller is and regularly listens to BBC radio shows on the latest publications but I don’t believe correlation is causation. Kaur and her colleagues across the social media spectrum are not discouraging engagement beyond their own works.

The internet just happens to be where young people live and I mean that literally. Online is where our friends are, where we watch our favourite vloggers, where we listen to our podcasts about shrimp and not, say, something useful. We aren’t always doing something ethical and studious, I’m afraid, and neither are you. I think poetry should embrace being a part of people’s lives when they aren’t wanting to feel smart.

Something I’d like to propose, however, is that you can listen to podcasts concerning jokes about shrimp that and know where your independent bookseller is in your city. The internet is another home, so I am going to allow myself to appreciate the poetry I find closest to home. 

I don’t know what to suggest about poetry outside the internet and spoken word, it is where I choose to engage with it, as a reader and consumer, thus I cannot say let it wither away and die nor can I list ways to engage us further in strictly paper publications. This is a false dichotomy.

I think it is pithy for anyone to complain when you don’t think a surge in interest in your passion is being done properly. I think it is ludicrous to say that short, clipped insta-poetry is akin to Orwellian Newspeak and “celebrating amateurism and ignorance...” All in all, it’s a bit mean-spirited and not all opening the floor to the people the attack is aimed at.

And the targets are not just McNish, although it was addressed personally in some regards, they are the people who brought McNish and others to prominence. Which brings us back to the Millenials and our self-created habitat of knee-jerk reactions, instant gratification and social media platforms that singlehandedly allowed Donald Trump to happen. We, the club-footed careless Godzillas crushing the old without thought, to make way for our new world order.

T.R. Darling’s work is a good example of something beautiful and lichenous that would not survive in its entirety outside of the ecosystem to which it has adapted. I wouldn’t call one screenshot of T.R. Darling’s work on Twitter a whole representation of what they do, I highly recommend scrolling through the muttering cavernous archives of Quiet Pine Trees yourself.

But in an interview on Wordpress Darling brought up something that I thought applied very well to the situation at hand, as a fellow peddler of literary internet snippets they had something to say on the nature of their work:

“Being brief isn’t enough. You can boil down a story to a sentence or two, but often you need context.“

It’s almost as if there’s a skill to this. Much like a haiku isn’t just about syllables but grounding in place and time, one of the online microfiction’s essential tools is the fact it is cut off by Twitter character count. Even Darling will admit their failures often curtail to not following through with the setting they’ve placed their work in. 

McNish is more than honesty. They are more than just an outpouring of what they feel, and if Watts can’t see that then it shows they are not seeing past the vehicles that have brought the work to a book’s pages. Rupi Kaur is more than soft-spoken delicately typed Instagram posts. Kate Tempest is more than blasting the tories on youtube. They are more than just what we perceive their draw to be, they are more than their audience, and the audience is more than that.

As I was watching McNish’s piece ‘Embarrassed’ and searching for devices to make some sort of argument against a professional poetry reviewer that her work is just as well crafted as anybody else, left me realising that what cannot translate to the page are the breaths held and spaces left open for thought and reply. As well as the fact my scrutiny was a fool’s endeavour.

Maybe McNish doesn’t want to do a finely tweaked disembodied personification of her feelings on breastfeeding in public because she wants people to reply and that would impede the voice she has created. I have absolutely no doubt that someone who shows as much intelligence and depth in their observations and work could do something adequately complicated to please us.

In my head, as I listened to Embarrassed and other poems, I felt myself start conversations in the pauses she left. Not just mmmms and yeahhhs, but actual interjections directed at the poet. And this is part of the medium, in finger clicks, in retweets and reblogs, there must be room to reply.

And it is not just about accessibility or the fact it says something you can tutt about my generation’s need to butt in with their opinions at all hours of the day. I think this could be what people are finding nuance in, I think there is an art to this. It isn’t just the legion drawling consumers with their apps and scant free time, but the people who buy poetry books and go to open mic nights. 

This is why people care. And I believe that is the goal in all of this, not in how many gold stars we get in using devices for devices sakes (or for the sakes of halting the rise of fascism, as the article implicates as the social media generations fault... somehow...) but communication and engagement.

I think the aforementioned authors have hit upon this better than almost anyone before them, and whilst I might be a scraggly infant on the scene, I do believe I care. And that is why I decided to write this, not because I necessarily had the most nuanced, experienced contribution but because I could.