#does anyone even remember this copypasta | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aita-irl · 4 months ago

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#not aita #faq

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its-elvie-innit · 8 months ago

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Dsmpblr stuff in one big archive post

The fake ranboo arg (run by a blog some people thought was ranboo or a kinnie. It never was, but instead was some sort of arg surrounding the ranboo lore. Multiple characters, like the Duke, duchess, and a discord server where people started translating the posts (which were all in ender, or minecraft galactic) (link to doc)

Minesonas, and then subsequently citizen memes. This was contained within three non-consecutive weeks, where people were discussing whether lmanburg had citizens or if it did, what would it be like?

People upset over ghostburs library being blown up. There were a lot of books in there important to a storyline, and some blogs were very upset they couldn't be archived

Mcytblr awards, which had a doc and everything (link)

DSMP sexyman!!!!! The competition one blog held to go over all the supposed sexymen in mcytblr, and if they were or not. The doc for this is here (link)

Dilfcourse (world sluttiest absent father) this went on prior to philza eventually finding out he was being called a dilf, and I think there may have been a poll (?) About who was the biggest dilf right after the one mcc with all new art of certain male ccs, but it also basically ended when philza got temporarily mad about tumblrites not wanting him on tumblr, and discovered dilfza. Then when he said he didn't like it, the entire "titty window" philza design disappeared and everyone stopped posting dilfza.

Philza nerfing a blog for an url (I think it turned out that tumblr did it? But it was still WEIRD) and EVERYONE got mad about it.

The one quackity kinnie blog? During this time, a ton of kinnie blogs popped up and the quackity one sticks in my head because it was kind of convincing

Drinnie. Another kinnie blog, I actually never knew if this one was real. It was more activ3 before I joined, but it was still a pretty large thing in small mcytblr.

Whatever we had going on with piss. I think dream started the pissbaby thing and it stuck. That was so big for so long

The split between dteamblr and dsmpblr. Also the protectiveness we kind of handed off between them. Being such a closely related fandom in the publics eyes, dsmpblr and dteamblr would both get hate anons about Dream and I still recall going to bat for them sometimes. Also the discussed "gnf sickness". I don't want to mention him because he's a horrible man and deserves jailtime but it was a part of it.

Mcytboundaries. Does anyone else remember that blog? That thing was so important in the first seven months I was here.

The death of kinnies. When those few kinnie blogs that cropped up started getting really upset over getting tons of copypastas and took them seriously. I remember being so annoyed at them because if you make a kinnie blog (NOT a roleplay blog) thats the culture!!! You knew that was going to happen!!!! Put a disclaimer in your bio or something gosh.

Beacon lamps sudden ubiquitous posts. Similarly with 420technoblazeit, sometimes there would be a joke that just stuck around because it was them who posted it.

This one's more recent, but those sootblr bloggers who kept having almost e-sex in random peoples notes. Even bloggers outside of mcytblr. What was up with those guys

Not wanting ccs on tumblr. Not an event, just the overarching opinion that it would be a bad thing. It slowly died off as an opinion during late 22, something that made me and a few other og mcytblrs very sad or hesitant because people would start sharing tumblr posts with the ccs. I remember It felt like the final death of og mcytblr to me

Does anyone remember if there was that one dsmp citizen server and if it actually happened???? That might be a fake memory.

Tubbo tumblr!! This is multiple events, but he mentioned he had one in early dsmp, and it kind of overjoyed people. Then, months later, he started scrolling on stream and people made posts (INCLUDING myself) about being so genuinely scared of him being online. Out of all of the "dsmper makes a tumblr" instances, I think this was the one with the most positive reaction.

Fuck dream hoodie (instagram) and mcytblrs reaction. Went in a really funny direction

Youtooz stealing mcytblr artists fanart

Hermitblr theory stolen by matpats yt channel and no reply

KARL HATEPOSTING. When for a month in 2021 everyone just HATED him for no real reason, maybe because of tftsmp?. I think it stemmed from two blogs, and then got its start in og mcytblr circles. I remember my ex mutual squid got too into it, it was really crazy. Why did we even do that.

Love or hosts.....love or hosts and the liveblogs...

The like, Hermitcraft vs Dsmpblr sudden dichotomy. One day I remember all of a sudden there were hermit blogs, and a few dsmp blogs after them, that started getting really pissy over people referring to dsmpblr as "mcytblr" because it wasn't the whole of mcytblr. Gosh that was so stupid and funny.

Those days people posted about crying over lost vods. Whenever someone did, it would catch like a virus and EVERYONE would start talking about how sad it was.

Kroger anon...Hearty anon...my loves. Hearty Anon was like the darling of mcytblr. I didn't even know they were a real blog I just thought they were like Kroger Anon. Always wanted one of those.

Finding out wooteena was like 11. Not actually eleven, but seriously everyone thought they were like an adult person I don't know.

Subtle, but the mcytblr friendgroups and different parts having beef with each other. It was really lowkey, but I'm sorry metfell and conarcoin and their whole deal had some real haters. thats probably because they were kinda mean sometimes.

INNITER OPRESSION. gosh I remember how giddy I would get defending myself over the url and saying it was just the first thing I thought of. If you had a certain url you were a magnet for sections of mcytblr in the silliest of ways I loved it so much. little cultural pockets for every streamer.

Mcytblrs reaction to the mcytwt trending writer. I thought that was so funny.

THE TUMBLR PODCAST. Those guys on tumblr that talked about us once!!!! On a podcast!!!! Similarly, all those times we dominated not only the trending page when there was a stream, but also the fandom reports tumblr put out about which keywords and tags were most popular. Whenever someone dropped down or moved up it was really "campeao del Mundo" in the mcytblr tags. And the slow decline and us being really really sad when a spot went -15...

DOES anyone else remember the triad. Mcyt reddit, Twitter, and tumblr. How Twitter thought we had a rivals to lovers thing but actually we just hated their guts. There was fanart and everything

When the Twitter refugees came over and the first wave was semi hate and semi welcoming. Everyone came around for the second wave, but the first exodus was 85% hesitant welcome and 15% vitriol and fear.

The discourse about calling them Twitter refugees??? Because refugees are "an actual thing" we couldn't call them that anymore. I just thought it was a little stupid.

Not a specific "event" but more a shift from analysis posts and liveblogs to art and headcanon posting. There was a time in the beginning where everyone theorized about anything and everything. As the dsmp aged and mcytblr grew it became so much more isolated, I still don't understand why people stopped using liveblog tags. Bring them back!!!!! Aurghh!!!!!!

When mcytblr (like nine people out of it) started going after some dude? I forget. But there was a harassment campaign, and death threats allegedly and some big blogs made a whole deal out of it and started saying how mcytblr was no different or better than mcytwt and I don't remember if it was justified or stupid. It was for sure after the first Twitter migration and possibly after the second.

Mcytblr crafting stuff. Such an awesome group of people. I think there's an archive for mcytblr crafts, btw, it's @mcytcrafts

Just about everything I remember, besides the discourse about tommy/others getting rid of the dsmp monuments or builds that had been there a really long time like the Wal-Mart and it being really heated for a while. By the time jack and tubbo started planting potatoes everyone was cool about the whole thing.

@mcytblr-archive

I don't want to write anymore :( I think like two of these are kind of my-circle specific but I'm unsure so I included them anyway. Hope it's useful!

Edit; Tapeworm post.

#archive stuff

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pumpkinstrawbrew · 7 months ago

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I'M DONE

I have spent the last three hours looking for fanfiction on Scarebat that wasn't Nolanverse or Suckerpunch (I love it btw, it's so good, checking everyday for updates🙏🙏)

I didn't only look on Ao3 as you might think, I have looked on Tumblr, Wattpad, Fanfiction.net, Quotev, Deviantart, FUCKING FICWAD, and some others...😔😔 I BARELY MANAGED TO FIND SOME SCRAPS OF CONTENT ON ONLY A FEW OF THEM AND THERE WERE LIKE 3-4 FICS IN TOTAL, MAYBE LESS, DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLY

I need to write my own atp but I'm only half-decent at writing (planning to start practicing writing on Tumblr in the future) and I suck at writing two canon characters interacting with each other.... I would be unstoppable if I had the ability to do so

sorry for ranting in your asks, forgive me, but I think you're the only person who can understand this

-🐓

honestly, it’s kinda odd how over so many years, scarebat barely made rounds on the internet. despite how their whole personas an’ things that surround them as characters make a perfect set-up for a gothic romance. yet, somehow it keeps getting overlooked. batman’s most ideally tailored fuel just never gets enough fanon attention.

an’ like, i wish that i could somehow share with you a link to some alt dimension, where scarebat was given all the attention it deserved. but as it is, we only have like yeah 3 fics an’ prob the same amount of arts.

on the one hand, it does suck. i admit. but on other, it leaves a way larger fields to explore. way more opportunities to do smth new an’ different with those characters. i’d also go as far as to state, that when a ship is rare, it has a chance to stay somewhat true to source material or have more of different an’ individual approaches. when a ship is super popular, it’s usually slowly, but surely gets flanderized into the ground. after certain point all that you would see is a low-key copypasta of a fic, that you’ve already read about that pair, but from a different author. i had a couple of popular ships back in the day, an’ it had happened with every single one of them.

so, in a way, i’m glad that those few scarebat fics are all at least different enough, even if i do say, that i kinda felt down by how it was labeled scarebat with it often being barely about the ship. or it was coming off as one-sided. different strokes for different folks, but it’s part of why i sat down an’ began writing my own fic, that would satisfy my own needs an’ my own vision. i just wanted scarebat romance times with some grittiness in between. which is why i do think, that you really should try to write your own story for them too! or even drabbles. anything that might tailor their dynamic in a way you see it.

an', well, i do get the anxiety of not ‘being good enough’, or feeling insecure about how well you would be able to capture the ‘canon’ feel. or say, just generally thinking like your skill is not on the level you wish it was. i won’t bore you with details about my own uh, writing / art journey. but i will say, that due to a few reasons of my own, i also felt like i could never write an english fic *i'm a non-english speaker*, an’ even more so, i honestly thought that i could never ever draw anything, bc i simply had no idea how to draw at all. but i do kinda know how to draw now lol. an’ i can actually write things in english too. an’ the point of it not me being super good at it or even reaching some unknown highm no. the point is that i can do it an’ i can do it in my own ways. i can create smth, that prob would have never existed otherwise, an’ in the end of the day, it’s pretty cool. quality can be not top notch, but it's like...hey, it exists now. i've given smth back to my otp, that makes me happy an' have fun.

so as someone who was where you are, when it comes to feeling like you can’t do those things, i’d say, you sure can! anyone can! it might take some lil practice an’ a bit of ‘hmm, not what i wanted exactly, but close’, until you get to the level you might have wanted, but i promise, you'd be amazed at what you can truly do, once you get on 'wave'. it won’t be instant leap, but as someone who dealt *still does to a degree* with what i call ‘toxic perfectionism’, i’d say that you just let things go at their own pace. just have fun with the process. in the end, fan stuff should be existing for your own pleasure an' perhaps, it can also be this for some other people, which is always nice. you don't have to be 'professional' about it, if you don't want to.

either way, i’m fine with rants! i mean, i've just ranted back as well lol. i know, that the main theme of this message was being kinda well, dissapointed with lack of content, but i do think, that it's not all that gloom an' doom in the end of the day. it can't be helped, that we sometimes have to basically provide for ourselves in fandoms, but it also gives us chance to 'shine' too, i think.

an’ i also wanted to say, that i’m glad you liked my fic! suckerpunch is one of those works, that i’ve started on impulse an’ till 3th chapter actually had a very vague idea, where to take afterwards, but i was surprised to see way more people interested in this ship, than i thought. so really, for a rare ship, scarebat actually does have at least some audience. an’ that audience is pretty rad an’ cool one too, so it’s not all that bad!

i do get the pain tho. sometimes, i also wanna read an' look at arts of my otps, that aren't mine. but perhaps, with time scarebat will gain more active fans. maybe, one day, we will click on ao3 an' feel like we had walked into a candy store.

#❓#also i've finished next chapter #will post it in two days #i hope folks will like some bat an' crow detective bit

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canonically47 · 9 months ago

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thoughts on every ridonculous race duo including don at the beginning because i just finished watching it for the first time. continued in reblogs

don is such a fun host! he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, and doesn't push anything 'for the ratings'. and even so, he manages to have a lot of funny, witty moments. of course, chris is still my favorite host, but don definitely cuts it close!... especially because, let's be real, we all forgot anyone else in the universe. (don't come for me blaineley fans she's fine I SAID DON'T COME FOR ME STAY BACK PLEASE I HAVE A FAMILY)

the LARPers. definitely some... interesting characters. they're the prime example of total drama's flat and boring personalities, most of which were distributed in pahkitew island. i'm kinda mad that, of all those horribly mid and boring characters, we got the most mid and boring one back. hell i'd have preferred dave there, he'd had given us some substance to the story. i don't even remember the girl's name and i don't wanna google it. forgettable, but definitely annoying for as long as they were on screen.

the tennis rivals. good, but overhyped i think. at least, i've seen a lot of people talk about them and ship them, especially since their cameo in the reboot. i for sure thought they'd last longer because of that. i really liked their banter but they don't come close to my favorites. i will not be calling any of their agents. sorry :(

the geniuses. yeah they definitely existed! i mean their characters were fine and i really don't have anything against them, plus their concept is kinda fun. but i absolutely despise courtney's character and hearing her voice come out of another contestant's mouth made me hate her immediately. I STILL KINDA LIKE HER... like, her character design is fun... i just don't care for them that much

the vegans. they look sooo pretty and.. that is the sole reason i put them down as 'i vibe with'. i really don't care for them. i don't even know their names lmfao

the fashion bloggers. sooo fun whenever they were on-screen. unfortunately this show is so predictable and i can tell when a character's arc comes to an end and they're going home. i don't wish they stayed longer tbh? i like them but i think they've had their time. the wlw/mlm solidarity ever next to the ice dancers but we're getting to them. anyways, solid duo!

mom and daughter. ugh. fuck you

the adversity twins. i don't want to sound like a copypasta so i'll keep it short but GODDD THEY WERE SOOO ANNOYING. does NOBODY else feel this way?? i swear before i watched RR i only saw good things about them. HOW? LITERALLY HOW??? they are so fucking annoying and all they do when they're on screen is whine. "ooh mickey is allergic to breathing :((" "actually jay has a water allergy :((" AND THEN THEY HAVE THIS OP SUPERPOWER WHAT THE FUCK IS TEMPERATURE DYSLEXIA THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ahem. excuse me. getting too worked up over thE WORST DUO. SHUT THE FUCK UP let's move on sorry i'll control myself

the step-brothers. idk about you guys but they are really close to being my favorite duo. just... their entire gimmick is so good. the build-up to finding out they're so similar... ough the bros ever. i was so sad when they got eliminated :( they were so funny AND fun. lorenzo is higher than chet because i like his character design more. tbh they're kinda the same person to me? but this is a mistake i made before watching RR, thinking every duo is the same person. which they're not, i quickly learned. at least not most of them. but yeah these two were very fun, they bounced off each other very well. i really liked them. they should've gone further methinks.

#total drama #total drama island #total drama presents: the ridonculous race #the ridonculous race #ridonculous race #not tagging everyone

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crusherthedoctor · 7 months ago

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📞 a character others dislike but you don’t?

♠️ favorite protagonist?

🕷️a character you feel is underrated?

📞 - a character others dislike but you don't?

Elise has gained more appreciation over time, but you still get people who think she's to blame for everything wrong with '06. She was a decent if underdeveloped character who simply wasn't used in the story that well, and anyone who thinks turning her into a Not-Sally is the only way to fix her isn't trying.

There's also Zor and Marine, both of whom I will always defend. Isn't it wild how I can barely remember anything from The End's three minute tough guy Reddit copypasta, yet everything Zor says is solid gold... shout out to IDW for missing the point and making him an unironic tryhard like every other villain in the comic. As for Marine, people act as though her character development never happened, which isn't helped by Flynn being one of those very people, and I don't understand why they give her flak for her stereotypical accent, yet make no such complaints about Bunnie.

For a couple of non-Sonic examples: King Sombra kind of went through the same arc as Elise in retrospect. As in, nowadays he has more open fans, but back when he made his debut, he received a disproportionate amount of flak for being a mostly silent villain, and the way he was used. I personally appreciated what they were going for with him, mainly cause of how they conveyed his Crazy Prepared defenses and the like, and honestly, by the time FiM concluded, I think he ended up better off than certain other villains lmao.

And of course, Moneybags. Not counting the first game (cause he didn't exist yet), I don't consider it a true Spyro experience if Winnie the Shit doesn't pop up in increasingly improbable locations to make deals in exchange for, *ahem*, a small fee. He also has some of the best lines. ("What are you going to do, sue me?")

♠️ - favourite protagonist?

Gex is unironically a better written character than everyone in Frontiers and IDW put together. This realisation makes me want to drink tap water at Jerry Garcia's.

Tails has always been my main bro out of the Sonic good guys, cause of how smart he is and how much he wants to help. :D It's also why I'm vocal about how much I despise it when fans double down on reducing the franchise to Just Furry DBZ due to super forms and whatnot, since it means Tails and other characters not named Sonic/Shadow/Silver are guaranteed to be treated even more like they're not good for anything meaningful. >:|

Then there's Spyro of course, which I know will be considered ironic to some given my complex feelings on Sonic, but truth be told, Spyro isn't really that similar to Sonic beyond some snark. He does admittedly act like a dude with tude in the first game, but it's clear that he's younger in that one. From the second game onward, where he's slightly older, he's considerably more chill... at least compared to Bubsy and many others from the 90's. And speaking of, despite his dialogue consisting entirely of WOAH, I respect Crash as well, since it was the bandicoot that got little me into the world of video games.

And many things change, but my fondness for Fluttershy will never die. Just as I have a preference for funny robot-loving villains who nonetheless remain a legit serious threat instead of being a joke, I have another preference for kindhearted quiet characters... which is why I also enjoy Trip... and Tikal... look, we all have our types, I'm sure you can sympathise. ;P

🕷️ - a character you feel is underrated?

The Hard-Boiled Heavies have mostly been pushed aside since Mania came out (aside from that one IDW story, but that's not a blessing), and it makes me madder than YouTubers who pretend they're mad because there are villains with dialogue who have less personality than these guys. They're so much fun, and despite all of them having the same Egg Robo template, their designs remain distinct from each other, even in silhouette form.

I also took to Ariem early on. Like the Heavies, "underrated" refers to general lack of fandom buzz compared to other characters, since although she appears to be quite liked, the acknowledgement given to her is somewhat limited due to her being stuck in an Android-only game for the time being. Some people also have an obsession with comparing her unfavourably to either Sage or Lanolin, for reasons I can probably guess in both cases. Me? I love her design, and her interactions with Cream and Knuckles are cute. :> I know it's not likely, but I hope she appears elsewhere so that she can be brought to more fans' attention... provided she doesn't get IDW'd.

Finally, a more complicated example: Metal Sonic. Now yes, he's very popular and beloved, and remains so to this day, but during the last couple of years, I feel I've been seeing two growing sides in the community when it pertains to him: the side who loves Neo Metal Sonic, and believe he's only a threat in that form like Flynn apparently believes (given how he often turns regular Metal into a jobber), and the side who consider him lame or essentially worthless because of his minimal characterization compared to others. He might not say much, and he might be a hedgehog-shaped tool of Eggman's ambition rather than a complete person of his own, but I believe there's a lot you can do with Metal that wouldn't require turning him into Usurper the Elf Shoes. OVA Metal ain't S-tier for nothing.

#Crusher's Asks #Opinion #Miles Tails Prower #Princess Elise #Marine the Raccoon #Ariem the Sheep #Metal Sonic #Zor #Hard-Boiled Heavies #Fluttershy #King Sombra #Crash Bandicoot #Spyro the Dragon #Moneybags

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fox-bright · 1 year ago

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Requisite Reddit Rabies Copypasta:

"Rabies. It's exceptionally common, but people just don't run into the animals that carry it often. Skunks especially, and bats.

Let me paint you a picture.

You go camping, and at midday you decide to take a nap in a nice little hammock. While sleeping, a tiny brown bat, in the "rage" stages of infection is fidgeting in broad daylight, uncomfortable, and thirsty (due to the hydrophobia) and you snort, startling him. He goes into attack mode.

Except you're asleep, and he's a little brown bat, so weighs around 6 grams. You don't even feel him land on your bare knee, and he starts to bite. His teeth are tiny. Hardly enough to even break the skin, but he does manage to give you the equivalent of a tiny scrape that goes completely unnoticed.

Rabies does not travel in your blood. In fact, a blood test won't even tell you if you've got it. (Antibody tests may be done, but are useless if you've ever been vaccinated.)

You wake up, none the wiser. If you notice anything at the bite site at all, you assume you just lightly scraped it on something.

The bomb has been lit, and your nervous system is the wick. The rabies will multiply along your nervous system, doing virtually no damage, and completely undetectable. You literally have NO symptoms.

It may be four days, it may be a year, but the camping trip is most likely long forgotten. Then one day your back starts to ache... Or maybe you get a slight headache?

At this point, you're already dead. There is no cure.

(The sole caveat to this is the Milwaukee Protocol, which leaves most patients dead anyway, and the survivors mentally disabled, and is seldom done).

There's no treatment. It has a 100% kill rate.

Absorb that. Not a single other virus on the planet has a 100% kill rate. Only rabies. And once you're symptomatic, it's over. You're dead.

So what does that look like?

Your headache turns into a fever, and a general feeling of being unwell. You're fidgety. Uncomfortable. And scared. As the virus that has taken its time getting into your brain finds a vast network of nerve endings, it begins to rapidly reproduce, starting at the base of your brain... Where your "pons" is located. This is the part of the brain that controls communication between the rest of the brain and body, as well as sleep cycles.

Next you become anxious. You still think you have only a mild fever, but suddenly you find yourself becoming scared, even horrified, and it doesn't occur to you that you don't know why. This is because the rabies is chewing up your amygdala.

As your cerebellum becomes hot with the virus, you begin to lose muscle coordination, and balance. You think maybe it's a good idea to go to the doctor now, but assuming a doctor is smart enough to even run the tests necessary in the few days you have left on the planet, odds are they'll only be able to tell your loved ones what you died of later.

You're twitchy, shaking, and scared. You have the normal fear of not knowing what's going on, but with the virus really fucking the amygdala this is amplified a hundred fold. It's around this time the hydrophobia starts.

You're horribly thirsty, you just want water. But you can't drink. Every time you do, your throat clamps shut and you vomit. This has become a legitimate, active fear of water. You're thirsty, but looking at a glass of water begins to make you gag, and shy back in fear. The contradiction is hard for your hot brain to see at this point. By now, the doctors will have to put you on IVs to keep you hydrated, but even that's futile. You were dead the second you had a headache.

You begin hearing things, or not hearing at all as your thalamus goes. You taste sounds, you see smells, everything starts feeling like the most horrifying acid trip anyone has ever been on. With your hippocampus long under attack, you're having trouble remembering things, especially family.

You're alone, hallucinating, thirsty, confused, and absolutely, undeniably terrified. Everything scares the literal shit out of you at this point. These strange people in lab coats. These strange people standing around your bed crying, who keep trying to get you "drink something" and crying. And it's only been about a week since that little headache that you've completely forgotten. Time means nothing to you anymore. Funny enough, you now know how the bat felt when he bit you.

Eventually, you slip into the "dumb rabies" phase. Your brain has started the process of shutting down. Too much of it has been turned to liquid virus. Your face droops. You drool. You're all but unaware of what's around you. A sudden noise or light might startle you, but for the most part, it's all you can do to just stare at the ground. You haven't really slept for about 72 hours.

Then you die. Always, you die.

And there's not one... fucking... thing... anyone can do for you.

Then there's the question of what to do with your corpse. I mean, sure, burying it is the right thing to do. But the fucking virus can survive in a corpse for years. You could kill every rabid animal on the planet today, and if two years from now, some moist, preserved, rotten hunk of used-to-be brain gets eaten by an animal, it starts all over.

So yeah, rabies scares the shit out of me. And it's fucking EVERYWHERE."

Man but the notes on that post really are just tumblr showing they have no idea how anything works.

"report to your local animal abuse people not to cops" local animal abuse people would be animal control. Animal control officers are cops.

"rabies is treatable if you go to the doctor right after the bite" rabies is PREVENTABLE, not treatable. There is no cure for rabies. If you suspect you came into contact with a rabid animal, you need to get a series of rabies vaccinations to prevent the virus from taking over your body. This is not a treatment and it only works if you go right away. If you show any symptoms of rabies it is too late.

"rabies is fatal in animals but treatable in humans" rabies has a 100% fatality rate and is not considered a survivable disease at this point in time. If you contract rabies YOU WILL DIE. The "treatment" in humans is called the Milwaukee Protocol, only 14% of people survive it, and it leaves you with massive brain damage and effectively turns you into a vegetable. You do not return to a normal life afterwards. Very few people who have undergone this process are capable of doing more than laying in a hospital bed and eating and breathing through tubes. To my knowledge only one person was able to live a semi-normal life after years and years of ongoing therapy and was not expected to have made it even through her first year after treatment.

I cannot stress enough how rabies is unlike any other disease you may be thinking of. It's required on a federal level in this country to vaccinate pretty much any domestic animal that comes into contact with wildlife for one reason and one reason only: it is not considered possible to cure rabies and the spread of disease would threaten all mammalian life including our own if allowed to continue to propagate.

#rabies

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weirdgirlblogging · 6 months ago

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this is a rewrite of a blowfly girl thing I made back in august. TW for mentions of what blowfly girl does

Blowfly Girl has received so much infamy on the internet for her copypasta. You know the story— girl meets trash bag, trash bag has maggot infested rotting meat, girl stuffs maggots inside of her most intimate parts.

It’s a tale as old as time, a copypasta to disturb people, or for people with the same paraphilia as her relating to it. I personally couldn’t get through the whole thing without feeling nauseous.

But as someone who felt sick to her stomach listening to the story, it’s weird how I relate to blowfly girl.

She appreciates the grotesque. Well, that’s an understatement. She absolutely thrives off of it, needs it in her life. She talks about being filthy and disgusting and gross, being a maggot in a world filled with butterflies.

I am the same. Though her grotesque interest comes in a more fetishistic or erotic form, mine is more muted. I’m not allowed to show how much I like gross stuff, even if not sexual. Lest I want to be mocked by people online, too.

Everyone seemed to think she was gross. Who wouldn’t find shoving maggots inside of such a sacred area to some extent gross? Posting about the pleasure in such detail, too. It’s something that people on the internet should be accustomed too, but are not always.

I have always been gross to people. Annoying, weird, too loud, too much to handle. Left alone in my own sick self hatred, like a bunch of maggots crawling inside and outside of me.

She has a desire to absolutely destroy herself. Blowfly Girl’s act of self destruction was her own, erotic, disgusting way of doing so, but she was willing to do anything to wreck herself.

I don’t think I could ever go to that extent. I have hurt myself in the past, not in any ways that were ever erotic to me, but I’m a wuss for pain and Blowfly Girl is braver than me. The people around me might know anyways.

I have tried to share my interest in Blowfly Girl to people. Some are receptive, listening to me elaborate on how interesting and sad the whole situation is. Often, though, it’s seen by others as disturbing, absolutely vile.

It scares me to think they all consider me vile for being interested in the story, even if I do not have any attractions like Blowfly Girl has had at all. To be fair, I’ve been shitty in other ways that don’t require me being similar to her to have others think I’m disgusting.

They don’t understand, though. They never really will. Like how I will never understand how it felt to be blowfly girl in that situation, no one close to me will ever understand that the vile, disgusting parts are why I relate to the story.

There was one line from My Maggot Story that stuck out to me the most. I remember it from when watching that video about Blowfly Girl’s history.

“Other girls like to have babies, but I give birth to decay and filth.”

The girls in my life and so many in this world have so much sunshine just spilling out of their mouths from their guts, stuff that people don’t mind. Deep down in their stomachs is where even more of this sweetness is stored. Happiness, bright colors, so much love that doesn’t hurt people. They don’t have to keep quiet, worried about hurting people or themselves with what threatens to come loose.

Then there are the ones like me. Filled with this black, inky tar deep down in the pit their stomachs. We’re absolutely stuffed to the brim with maggots, threatening to spill out of our mouths at any given moment. Our love sis real, but it’s not the kind anyone would have the first impression of ever wanting. So unlovable, so disgusting that nobody would ever want to even be near them.

I think that’s kind of cliche for me to say, though.

Its’s funny, in a way, to find comfort in the story of a lady doing such an act. A woman who was memed so hard by the internet and becoming such an infamous copypasta for shock value, no one taking the time to ever understand her like how it feels sometimes as if no one tries to understand me.

I hope she’s doing well.

Maybe I’ll be okay someday, too.

#Weird girl writes

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dramarising-replacement · 4 years ago

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as someone in lightning who has never participated directly in dom nor been on any of the lightning discord servers but has kept a loose orbit of the dramasphere and periodically skims the dom threads to check the schedule and see if anything's being voted on, the fact that consistently for the last 4 or more years every time i see someone in public say anything that even slightly sounds like it could be questioning the leadership on any level get slammed with the same guilt-trippy sounding "in LIGHTNING we're a GOOD dom flight and our leadership is WONDERFUL because you can TAKE THIS ISSUE UP WITH OUR DOM LEADERS DIRECTLY ANDTHEY'LL LISTEN BECAUSE THEY ARE GOOD rather than COMPLAINING ABOUT IT which you would know if you were COMPLAINING IN GOOD FAITH because otherwise you'd have gone through the PROPER channels to contact our LEADERS rather than WHINING IN PUBLIC and i'm going to heavily imply that the issues you raised don't exist and/or are stupid and wrong and based on a fundamentally idiotically wrong understanding of how our flight works" wall of text puts me right the hell off lightning dom as a whole real hard.

even if i had been the sort of person to have an interest in dom battles, that whole thing combined with a lot of other subtle things and the fact that almost everything is on a discord server out of the public eye at this point gives me uncomfortable vibes, and the fact that these copypasta response posts always seem to have this weird unspoken emphasis on the real problem being that it's visible in public gives me, as someone trapped in an abusive family of exactly that type, who's mother has told me this phrase exactly word for word, MASSIVE "there's some things we don't talk about outside this family." vibes.

the fact that literally nothing is really particularly known or spoken about lightning as a flight outside of people being like "uhh spreadsheets" makes me even more nervous of my own flight, because in my experience dramasphere silence like that only means that they're just very good at hiding where the drama is happening. no news is not the same thing as neutral news. no news means the news isn't getting out. there was also that major dom leader guy with a game of thrones name a year or two back who if i remember correctly did something along the lines of enter himself on his own ticket spreadsheet for a dom raffle he was running so that he could draw himself to win prizes, then when someone asked about that he exploded on them about how they're an entitled brat and ranted on about how as dom leaders they work so hard and are entitled to a cut of the prizes of their work? then fucked off to plague where he proceeded to do some other questionable things i don't remember? that was a thing, and that didn't exactly make me feel less weird something not right here vibes from what little contact i had with the lightning dom situation. i just get a huge feeling of guilt tripping from all of the few interactions i've ever seen of the dom scene interacting with anyone who asks questions and i also get the impression of this heavy unspoken frowning upon anyone speaking about anything going on in-flight outside it.

unfortunately if it turns out there is weird shit going on, or if this spirals into drama topic whether or not there is, given the fact that up until this point there has been literally nothing on lightning in the collective consciousness of fr up until this point beyond "idk spreadsheet probably" and the fact that right now the popular attitude of 90% of the userbase seems to be that all plague users are problematic rude edgelords and entitled whiny babies because they complain about getting shafted on their aesthetic (and the fact that the site artists are very blatantly going out of their way to exclude the damn color RED) and because the very act of being into such a non-wholesome aesthetic in the first place is apparently enough to make one inherently suspect, this will most likely result in lightning members as a whole coming to be viewed in popular consciousness as inherently problematic, corrupt, suspect, drama-causers, and untrustworthy. after all, there won't be any other preconceived notions on us there for people's brains to gravitate to automatically when they think of us. if my bad vibes feelings turn out to be not unfounded after all i'm going to be completely fucked by association because people on flight rising, even if they won't admit it, are horrifyingly steeped in category-based prejudices towards eachother and ESPECIALLY towards anyone who happens to have anything to do on any level with a flight that's been deemed a "drama" one. just cause they won't say it to your face on-site doesn't mean they don't think it and pass judgements based on it. and lightning if it does turn out to be corrupt will be especially fucked because we have nothing else going for us in the case that we end up being deemed one of the shitty drama flights where all the stupid entitled whiny baby untrustworthy asshole bad people are and everyone there is an problematic whiny scambitch they all suck and their flight sucks too and is probably conceptually problematic or offensive against a real life group or something inherently as a concept too and therefore everyone in it is cosigning causing people epileptic seizures because thrage was a dick about that and blah blah blah because i know damn well how these toxic-ass circles of tumblr that scream 24/7 about what a sweet welcoming wholesome community not like those horrible toxic communities outside they are run.

this whole situation is a mess of uncomfortable ambiguity, guilt tripping, and certain bad times ahead if anyone's suspicions turn out to be even slightly shy of totally unfounded, which i'm not inclined to find likely because insert that phrase about how if something presents itself as too good to be true here. flight rising as a community is already dreadfully susceptible to the worst kinds of aggressive isolationist cult mentality, and the guilt tripping every time i see someone ask questions in public thing has been setting off my warning bells for years. people already almost universally dislike lightning in general just for it's aesthetic and lore, and the kind of tumblr people fr is populated by are very much the type to jump on any chance to rationalize and justify their personal distaste of a fictional thing as a morality thing that allows them to condemn people morally over association with it and thus eradicate the disliked thing's presence and stop people being allowed to like the thing they don't like.

idk this is rambling. some things i've seen and the things i haven't seen make me nervous and everything about the potential outcomes sucks.

#Drama #Rant #Flight Rising #Cursing #Dominance #Long post #Confessions #Shady #Forums #submission

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useyernamesteven · 2 years ago

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Fake names: Amanda Hugginkiss, Oliver Klozoff, Jacques Strappe, Mike Rotch, Mike Hatt, Hugh Jass, Ollie Tabooger, Ima Butole, Drew P. Weiner, Olaf Maifrend-Sergei, Pierre Pantz, Haywood Jaspankmee, and more.

And if you wanna spam something the word limit is 84 words. Heres some copypastas if ud like

Explode your dick and small your ass. Get bent losers! PENIS BLAST!!

The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Cant afford a car. And i cant afford a house. And i cant afford the food that im puttin in my mouth. I cant afford to move where they pay a better wage. Cant live off the wages in the places that i stay. Cant get outta debt. And i cant afford a loan. Cant afford to rent. And i cant afford to own. Cant afford to go to school. And i cant afford to not. Cant afford to complain so i should probably stop.

Why does she think thats okay to wear? Going to the strip club? You have a nice house. Do u have a husband? Yes. Whats his name? Harold. Okay. Where're you going?! OH HAAAROLD! YOU WANT A WIFE THATS NOT A RAAAAGING CUNT?!

What. In the. Fuckknuckles is this? She's my girlfriend you intolerant shit. Whoa! Pump the hate breaks fox and friends. Im just surprised anyone would date you! Specially pinkiepie from my little pony.

Wait are you wearing a bra? No i took that thing off. It was getting in the way of my girls. Maddox i command you to put a bra on this instant. I REFUUUSE! My MELONS were meant to be FREE! Maddox cease this foolishness! I can jiggle if i want too, i can leave my bra behind. Cuz if my boobs dont bounce, and if they dont bounce, well theyre no boobs of mine!!

You son of a biscuit eating bulldog! What the french toast? You think i wouldnt find out about your little doo-doo head, cooty queen? WHO are You calling a COOTY Queen you Lint LICKER?!

Shut up fatboy! Aye! Dont call me fat you fucking jew! Eric, did you just say the f-word? Jew? No, he's talking about fuck. You cant say fuck in school you fucking fatass. KYLE! Well why the fuck not? ERIC! Dude you just said fuck again! STANLEY! Mm. KENNY! Why it doesnt hurt anybody? Fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck. How would you like to see the school counselor? How would you like to suck ma ballz? what did you say?! Im sorry im sorry what i said was HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MA BALLZ, MR GARRISON?

I have an army. We have a hulk. I got a jar of diiirt! I have OsTeOpoROsiS. I have crippling depression. I have magic hair that glows when i sing! You have something i want. You have a big mouth, you know that? I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!

Im going to have to put on my fucking double seeing glasses, because i cant even Begin to see the amount of BULLSHIT coming from you!

But since we're all gonna die, theres one more secret i feel i have to share with you. I did not care for The Godfather. What? Did not care for The Godfather. How can you even say that dad? Didnt like- didnt like it. Peter its so good! Its like the perfect movie! This is what everyone always says, whenever its a Aaah! Robert DiNero, Al Pacchino, i mean you never see ROBERT DUVAL! Fine, fine actor. Didnt like the movie. Why not? Didnt like- couldnt get into it.

Well aint you just the textbook fucking definition of classy! But guess what Jeeves. That garage wire wont do shit for dick against armour this thick! Whats that Alfred? How thick is it?? Well half as thick as my dick! So thick enough you need a fuckin anti-tank rifle to pierce it! And i dont even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass! Police girl, if you may. Bitches love canons! Oh fuck thats an anti-tank rifle. OH FUCK THATS AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!

Let me tell you how this is gonna work! Your gonna be. You aint gonna tell me shit. Listen! Suck my dick! Shut up! Listen to me! Suck my dick, you fuck man! Listen! Suck my dick! You will be here in the court on monday! You'll be here suckin my dick! You will listen to me now! Go fuck yourself!

So I go into the Dairy Queen, i figure im all set theres only one guy in line... but its a very skinny guy. And he's askin Questions. At Dairy Queen! WHATDYA HAFTA KNOW?! Chocolate, Vanilla, you want stuff on it. Get outta the lineeee. Hes askin how bigs the small, is it big? ...NO ITS SMALL! SMALLS ARE SMALL! THATS WHY THEY CALL EM SMALLS!! Its 89cents heres ten dollars buy elevn of em, get out the line. Its 100 degrees and i gotta here how bigs the small is it big. And thats when I KILLED him your honor. Case dismissed!

Some people like green tea. Some people like black tea. And some people prefer oolong tea. Me? I like Tit-ty.

Well you can tell by the way i awkward walk, im gone shit my pants theres no time to talk. A fart came out, yeah it was farty and im standin here but my butt feels muddy. And its alright! Its okay! Please step out my fuckin way. You can try. To understand. That i prolly shit my pants...

I've No More Fucks to Give! My Fucks have run up Dry! I've tried to go Fuck Shopping but theres No More Fucks to Buy! I've No More Fucks to Give, No More Fucks I've tried to Get. I'm Over my Fuck Budget and I'm now in Fucking Debt!

For I am a Sinner in the hands of an angry God! Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Lray for my now, at the hour of my death, which i hope is soon. Amen.

Now were here to teach you how to GO DOWN ON BITCHES RIGHT! Now bitches aint bein satisfied so check it! Quit -ing on that clitorus so damn hard! Bitches dont like that NONSENSE. Thats like puttin the tip of yo penis in a vacuum! Yall need to CHILL ON THE CLITORUS! Go Around that business! Thats like a button made of a million penis tops! Now every bitch like her cunnilingus just a lil bit different. Vaginas are like Snowflakes. Snowflakes is different. Learn yo bitches Snowflake! Ask yo bitch what she wants THEN DO WHAT SHE SAYS!

r/vexillology The Flag of Japan but its actually just this hand towel with a perfectly-placed water stain. Oh shit i just peed on my towel accidentally better turn this into clout. It was a WATER STAIN i had an ICE PACK and it LEAKED onto the towel I DIDNT FUCKIN PEE ON IT! you peed on it. you peed on it didnt you lil piss boy. I DIDNT PISS I DIDNT!!! IM NOT A LITTLE PEEPEE BOY!!! IM NOT!!!!

Once. Upon. A. Time. There. Was. A. BIG. Spaceship. And. Aliens. And. Mercenaries. And? War. And?? Betrayal. And?! ...Romance? ...and? Karate! AND?! Credits! The. End. We should write a screenplay together! Cool. Cool cool cool.

The peasant! At the dinner! He didn't pay his check. ...Its the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Kuzko in the back of his cart! Huuuuh! He must've taken him back to his village, so if we find the village we find him, and if we find him we find Kuzko. Oh yeah. Its all coming together.

It started with the wine. The wine. The wine. We were shopping for a bottle to bring to her cousins soiree. My cousin the Sous-Chef, she's very gourmet. I grabbed my favorite cabernet! He's got no clue and so I say, darling the wine. The wine? The wine! They're serving monkfish so darling the wine cant be red. How bout this Austrian riseling instead? Honey you know i dont like the riseling. When have you EVER seen me drink riseling?! Never but cant you listen this once? Red wine and fish? You'll look like a dunce! Fine, ill bring the red. You bring the white. That way ill still get drunk and youll still be right. Fine. Fine! FINE!

Whats your name? WHAT. What is. Your name?! Tony. Fuck you Tony! Whats your name? Ezekiel. Fuck you Ezekiel! Fuck you! Fuck you! Ay you know what i did last night? You better not bring my mother into this... You know what I did?! You better not! I built that fire over there. Oh. Then i fucked your mother next to it. Fuck you Ezekiel! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Yall remember how Texas had that "report an abortion" form that they had to take down after a week?

Well, Missouri has one, only it's for reporting transgender concerns.

Comrades. Friends. Romans. Countrymen. You know what to do.

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aflyingcontradiction · 3 years ago

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The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 89 - Twice as Bright

Jon: Right. But no more abattoir metaphors, please. Jude: Suppose it’s not really me, is it?

Yeah, too Fleshy.

Jon: I just have a few questions. Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year? Jude: Not alone, but yes. You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss. Jon: I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified. Why? Jude: Stop that! And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to.

Jon doesn't even know what he's doing and Jude is getting all bristly, like a scared cat hissing.

Jon: I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct? Jude: She’s not one of your little stories. Jon: According to the statement of Jack Barnabas, she very much is.

Anyone going to throw things at me if I say "Oooh, burn!" in this context? Because, this is very much an Ooooh burn sort of situation.

Jon: Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before. And from things much scarier than you.

Jeez, Jon, where's all THIS coming from all of the sudden? Man, I wish I ever went from 'exhaustedly done with the world's shit' to 'I'm giving the world its shit right back!' like that!

Jude: Are you trying to talk me into killing you? If I wanted, I could reach through your chest like runny wax, and hold your heart while it cooked. No-one would even notice, if I didn’t give you time to scream.

Oh god, I love Jude. Every other avatar we've met is all quiet menace until they go full-monster and even then they're just 'JooOoon, coming to fiiiiind youuuu'. And here's Jude just CHEWING the goddamn scenery with relish, cutting things asunder with her edge. I've said this multiple times to people while discussing TMA but Jude is just basically the navy seal copypasta of avatardom and I'm enjoying her so much right now!

Jude: Hard to say. When I look at you I feel that burning liquid pain, eager to flow out and purify your rotten carcass, but I feel that a lot. Jon: Oh. M-More or less than normal? Jude: Hard to say when every nerve ending’s on fire. Hard to tell degrees. Jon: Third degree, maybe?

I cannot tell you which of the two I want to squeal at more right now. I adore this entire dialogue so much.

Jude: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge. I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

Okay, but you still react like a cat that's been sprayed with water whenever Jon asks you a question, Jude, love, you're not fooling anyone...

Jude: The unfathomable contest of eternal forces is not the only reason I might want someone dead.

This is important right here. Obviously the idea that avatars are still their own people, regardless of the Entity they serve, became really obvious somewhere along the line, but at this point in my first go I was still basically thinking in terms of "Hm, well, this power and that power interact in this way... wait, that makes no sense..." and sort of discounting that it's not always ABOUT the powers, despite how obvious that was!

Jon: Statement of Jude Perry, regarding… some advice.

Jon just vacillates wildly between fear and being so DONE with Jude's bullshit and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Jude: The pain is sensational. You feel your flesh cooking, your nerves screaming out as they die exquisitely. Your whole body changes texture as you become that which feeds the fire. In that agonising, beautiful transformation, you can feel it ignite again and again and again.

Okay, now she's just making self-immolation sound tempting...

It was Agnes, of course. I don’t know where she found me, I only remember sitting in a booth with a beautiful young woman who smelled like matches and incense.

Well, someone's certainly smitten...

And with each act of glorious, hateful destruction, I felt my god’s love embrace me, consume me, give me life. Any feelings of pity or mercy I might have had for the poor woman I fed from were cauterised.

Ah, come on, like they existed to need cauterising in the first place...

And so I ended it. For all the agony and pain on Gretchen’s face, she didn’t seem surprised when I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. I think she screamed. She must have screamed.

Tbh, Gretchen may have been traumatised for life but Jude seems to have lost interest in her after, so that was probably fucking lucky for poor Gretchen here.

Jon: Michael? (...) Corridors, weird limbs, laughs like a… headache? Jude: What? No. He’s pale, got a big, weird scar. Smells of, um… Jon: Oh, ozone! Jude: Yeah, that’s the one. Hangs around with the Fairchilds sometimes.

I love that the podcast is lampshading the fact that they've got two recurring characters named Michael (AND one Mikaele on top but at least he's usually referred to by his last name). I wonder at what point Johnny went "Whoops, I may have created a confusion." (I mean, not that it's unrealistic, my UK friend group-and-adjacent-people had enough Andrews, Johns and Matts that they basically all ended up with weird nicknames but it's just a bad idea to have identical names in fiction.)

Jude: Come on. It won’t hurt. (...) I lied. Jon: - SCREAMING IN INCREASING AGONY -

I mean, first of all, duh, yeah, OF COURSE SHE LIED! But also, Johnny is not a bad actor. The scream reminded me a little of that one time that my partner managed to scald a hand with boiling water while making tea (one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, incidentally, would like to not hear that again.)

My impression of this episode

First of all, I adore Jude. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'd be friends with her (I mean, duh, she was despicable as a human being and is now a fully devoted servant of the Entity-of-torment-and-loss, having near-orgasms over the idea of making people suffer, so...) but as a character she's just so beautifully over the top! It's fun! And Jon's interaction with her is incredibly interesting because, well, this may be the first time that Jon meets anything Entity-adjacent that is actually afraid of HIM (and yeah, Jude may be putting on a tough act, but she seems fucking terrified.) That was just really fun to watch, to be honest. A little bit of ... vicarious power fantasy, perhaps, at least until Jude turns the tables again. This was just a really enjoyable episode!

#tma relisten #the magnus archives

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strawberryamanita · 5 years ago

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i have a confession to make.

i’m certain this is going to turn into some sort of meme or joke and make me a laughing-stock of the entire Internet. i know i may even get responses or inboxes for this, full of content intentionally sent to me to trigger or upset me. i know i’m going to come off as entitled, oversensitive, and out-of-line. i know that it’s incredibly laughable to react so dramatically to a work of fiction, and that even Mark himself would roll his eyes and make a joke out of this if he ended up reading it. i’m sure this is all going to be saved as a copypasta in itself to be echoed around the Internet, paving my legacy as a poster child for cringe comedy. i don’t expect any sympathy. in fact, i welcome the hatred this is going to earn me, because then the fandom and i can agree on something.

but Goddamnit, i have to get this off my chest before it eats me alive. i need to know once and for all if i truly am alone with these feelings.

the “Who Killed Markiplier?” series has traumatized me.

i don’t use that word lightly, because i don’t think i’m worthy of being diagnosed with any sort of trauma, despite being medicated for it (not this specifically, but past traumas); but i told my therapist about how badly i’ve reacted to it, and she said i may as well call it trauma. i’m well aware that i’m a unique case -- my plethora of mental illnesses make me exceptionally sensitive and emotional to the world around me. not only that, but having been recently diagnosed with Autism explains a lot of why i hyperfixate and obsess over things, even when i actively try to stop.

it’s all i think about. and it’s made me literally bleed for weeks straight from anxiety, like my body is flushing out all the poison in my mind.

i hate seeing “Who Killed Markiplier” stuff it all over the Markiplier tumblr tag. i know that the easy answer to this is to just not go into the tag, and i don’t; but it makes me feel even more distant from the fandom than i already am. i’ve blacklisted it, but people don’t tag their reblogs so i’m at risk for being triggered even by people i want to follow. i don’t want to leave the Markiplier fandom completely. i want to enjoy the skits just as much as anyone else.

i hate seeing Celine. i hate seeing Damien. i can’t even read/say their names out of context without having a wave of anxiety knock me down. i hate hearing about them, i hate hearing everyone connect everything Darkiplier does to memories of them, and i hate the idea that they’re an excuse to invalidate, infantilize, disrespect, push aside, replace, or mock Dark, even moreso after the animated video. they’re not a threat, they’re not dignified, they’re hardly anything anymore.

i know it’s Mark’s (interpretation of the) character at the end of the day, but for fuck’s sake, that character became a symbol for me of strength and perseverance despite who they used to be. people constantly tie Dark to the past, and now i’m deathly afraid of people doing that to me, afraid of people undoing all my hard work to move on and be someone new with simple words alone.

i despise that infernal piano music that comes to me in the middle of the night and makes me relive those videos over and over and over. i keep getting dragged back into that house, no matter how much i distance myself from it.

i hate how much time i spent trying to solve a mystery that we were told doesn’t matter. i remember waiting on baited breath for more than three weeks (the countdown to the videos, the videos themselves, and the time between the last chapter and the explanation stream), not being able to think about school or any other part of my life because it occupied every crater of my brain.

i’m sick of being told that looking for details doesn’t matter, that caring about it doesn’t matter, and that a character that i invested so much interest in is nothing more than a stupid, harmless, whiny waste of space. i hate being made feel like an idiot for caring. because it was made to be so much more than that to me.

and now all this talk of these characters being who they are because it’s a role they play. like nothing is sincere, like it’s all just some hyper-meta “gotcha!” moment where the only thing that’s certain is that nothing is certain. i’m sure that should be grounds for me to find a way to interpret things how i want again, but everytime i do we’re told “no, that’s wrong, this is what’s going on”, and i’m just so disoriented by everything that i think i’m gonna have a coronary.

and before anyone says “Mark said he’s not a perfect writer” -- that’s perfectly okay that he isn’t. i just want something to make sense, and i don’t want to be told i’m stupid just because i’m ignorant.

i’m not gonna stop loving Darkiplier as a character. i’m gonna accept their origins, continue to enjoy the character and use them as a muse for fanfiction and roleplay, and i’m gonna get excited when they show up in videos and respect them whenever they pop in on tumblr. i just needed to get this out in the open, because i’ve been sitting on it for a year and a half, and it hasn’t gotten the slightest bit easier.

i need to know if i’m truly alone here.

#i'm sorry #i'm really really sorry #i tried #markiplier #darkiplier #who killed markiplier #mayor damien #celine the seer

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studiousbees · 7 years ago

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[App Review]—LingoDeer (Japanese)

**EDIT** The LingoDeer team read my review and fixed some of the things I pointed out :>

Learning Japanese?? I was originally going to review LingoDeer’s Chinese lessons next, but I was contacted by the team who developed the app and the lessons after the read my review on the Korean course. They asked if I was learning Japanese and, if so, if I could do a similar review for the Japanese course (please note that I have never done any sort of sponsored review or anything like that; I review what I want and I review them honestly). I said I would, so here we are! Maybe this will get me back on track with studying Japanese, anyway. Those of you who were around during this blog’s early stages will remember I was studying Japanese for a while, but I had to abandon it because I just didn’t have enough time ㅠㅠ Welp, it’s time to start again!

I do want to note that, other than the obvious language difference between this review and my review of LingoDeer’s Korean course, there is also a huge difference in my perspective between both of these reviews. Having studied Korean for over seven years now, my LingoDeer Korean review was done more from a been-there-done-that perspective. A lot of my intuition as not only a long-term Korean learner but also a Korean grammar blogger and a language teacher went into it. However, I am nowhere near the same level in Japanese, so this review is written from much more of a beginning learner perspective, with a bit of my teacher brain as far as what is and isn’t effective for language learning thrown in.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s jump on in!

What is LingoDeer?

LingoDeer is a language-learning app for the three major east Asian languages, Korean, Mandarin Chinese, and Japanese. It is developed by teachers of those three languages, so that’s pretty cool!

Very first impressions

As I said in my review of LingoDeer (Korean), the LingoDeer app’s design and interface is very clean and visually appealing. I do get some loading screens still, but none of them are super long unless I’m on my home Wifi. I’d been thinking about maybe getting a new, stronger router anyway...

Learning Hiragana and Katakana

You can start with learning Hiragana and Katakana, or you can just skip it and go straight to learning the actual grammar and other material. For the sake of this review (and since my Katakana memory has always been pretty bad), I did the Hiragana and Katakana courses. Before you start a level in the Alphabet section, you can flip a toggle for whether you want to learn Hiragana or Katakana. Ultimately, though, it doesn’t really matter since they are presented together and you will be asked to match the corresponding Hiragana and Katakana. I have actually never used a source that teaches them together in this way, and I really like it because it made it easier for me to remember the Katakana. The main differences between doing one writing system vs. the other (for example, choosing to do them in Katakana mode instead of Hiragana) is that you will only be presented with stroke order diagrams for the set you chose, and they will occur more frequently. At the end of the day, the choice is yours.

Again, the sound files in this app are really great, so you can hear the sounds very clearly. My only real issue with the Hiragana/Katakana-learning exercises is when you have to match multiple pairs at once. There are a few screens like that at the end of each level, and if you want to hear the readout of the sounds as you do them, you have to flip a toggle on the screen because the sound is off by default. Since this is a language learning app, I really think it would make more sense to have the sound on by default. Also, you have to flip the toggle every new screen rather than flipping it once and that being your setting for the level. Having to flip it every single time just to get the automatic audio got annoying pretty quickly.

Just as the Korean course had extensive Hangul charts, there are interactive Hiragana and Katakana charts in the Japanese course. You can click on the individual spaces to have the sounds read out, which I liked. However, there seems to be a little bug such that sometimes when I go to the charts they don’t read out when I press the spaces. In those cases, I have to restart the app for the charts to work properly.

Finally, there are notes explaining the Japanese writing system, and they’re quite extensive! This app certainly does give a lot of information.

Getting in to learning

This app is currently structured 100% for beginners in the sense that you must start with the first level. There is no way to test up into a higher level. This test up feature is there in other comparable apps, so its absence here is very noticeable. Until such a function is (hopefully) added in, anyone who wants to use this app will have to obligatorily do the lower levels first regardless of their skill level.

All of the actual learning levels have grammar notes at the beginning, which you can access if you swipe to the tile left of the first lesson tile. I think it would make more sense to have the notes tile be the first one you see, as it is easy to miss and the notes give a ton of important information that beginning learners really should read. The notes are detailed and very helpful, but there are some typos here and there, and I noticed some unusual Romaji (though I’m not sure if it’s just that they were using a different Romaji system... are there multiple Romaji systems??). The word for “China,” which I had always seen before in Romaji as “ch(y)uugoku,” was written as “tyuugoku,” which threw me off.

When you get into the learning levels, you can choose how you want writing to be displayed, and there are a TON of options! You can go for full on normal Japanese writing with the Kanji and all, Kanji with Hiragana (my setting), Hiragana only, Romaji only, Hiragana and Romaji... you can choose what would suit your needs best and adjust as you become more comfortable reading Japanese.

As for actually learning, there is a variety of activities including word-picture matching, listening and choosing the right answer, inserting grammatical elements into the right places, and unscrambling sentences, and more. The only thing that I really wish the learning levels has is some speaking practice! I’ve said it many, many times before, but HelloChinese is a similarly structured app that has speaking practice built into all of its levels. If LingoDeer also had it, I would be so happy~ Also, as I mentioned in my LingoDeer (Korean) review, this app is fairly quiet in the sense that it does not automatically read out sentences for you on some screens, and there is no indication given that you can access audio for those screens. It would be nice if there was maybe a little play button to make it clear that you can hear audio on those screens with no auto play, or maybe an overall option (that could be toggled on or off as you please, of course) for automatic audio playback.

One other little bone I have to pick is that, when doing syllable-by-syllable unscrambling of sentences, the app starts indicating what the first syllable you pick should be within about three seconds. Maybe some people like the hints, but I could do without them for sure. I would be happy if the time to hinting was increased, or if there was a toggle to turn it off completely.

Upon completion of a level, you can get up to five stars. When you first start studying, you set a goal for how many stars you want to get each day, and if you choose the lowest possible number (five) and do a single level perfectly, your study for the day is complete.

The biggest error I have seen in this course so far is that the notes in the “Household” section (as far as I got so far) are missing ㅠㅠ I sent a report in, so hopefully that’s fixed soon. Considering how responsive the LingoDeer team has been to me so far, I’m fairly confident it will be fixed soon.

Overall, I like the structure of the lessons and the pacing. I could definitely see myself using this app long term!

Review and stats

(This section is more or less copypasta from my previous review, so feel free to skip it if you read that one!)

If you want to go back and review vocab or grammar flashcards, there is a section where you can do that. The review questions are the same as the regular level questions. You can choose to do a single lesson, or you can combine lessons for a comprehensive review. Also, there is spaced repetition listening practice, which is pretty cool. You can choose how you want the words and sentences presented, with Japanese, the English translation, or just the audio and no writing. After listening, you can reveal the correct answer and rate your recall/performance “weak,” “good,” or “perfect.” You can also choose if you want a word or sentence-focused review. Seems like a good feature.

As for stats, you can check how long your learning streak has been ongoing, and it even tells you how long you have studied for. There are some little achievement badges for things like learning time and streaks also. You can also set a time for reminders to study if you would like. However, I notice that the app is not synced to your phone’s clock but some other clock, perhaps that of the server it’s hosted on. So, for example, if I use the app in the morning here in Korea, it will still count any stars I get to the previous day since the app’s date hasn’t rolled over yet. There is not an option to change the app’s clock to sync to your time zone as far as I can tell.

Oh, and there is offline learning! You can download the course take it with you if you are, say, going on a flight or off to some remote area where there is no internet or cell service!

Conclusion

LingoDeer’s Japanese course is really fun and easy to use! The grammar notes are very informative, and the lessons are not too heavy so they don’t feel burdensome or intimidating to a new learner. The pros and cons:

PROS:

GREAT audio files

Lots of good notes and information on grammar

Spaced repetition practice and flashcards

Study reminders

Lessons that are informative and useful without being overwhelming

Offline learning

CONS:

No function to test out of lower levels

Typos in notes and other places

App clock not synced to phone clock

No speaking practice

#studyblr #langblr #learning japanese #japanese resources #lingodeer #language learning apps #app review

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thedegenerateasexual · 7 years ago

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the last of let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 27-34 + the epilogue:

chapter 27:

v v short, just a visit to the therapist again where she tells him about coming out

chapter 28:

alice went to her parents wioth the law school thing and told them she wanted to change majors and they...cut her off financially

that was not what i was expecting and not what she was expecting either god damn

she went to takumi’s to be sad and

“What about a weekend away? Forget about everything for a few days and relax. How do you feel about camping?”

“I feel like I’m not going to like it.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

He traced the bridge of her nose. “In a cabin, not a tent.”

“I feel like I might like it.”

lmao mood

“I’m not going to sleep with people to make them happy anymore. It’s kind of my thing, but I don’t want it to be.”

“Wait, he asked to have sex with you?”

“No, but if things went well, he would have. Eventually.”

“He might not,” he said. “You don’t really know what someone will say until you tell them.”

That … was not what she expected him to say. Her admission should have gotten her a solemn nod, meaningful condolences, and a promise that she’d find someone someday.

Did he really care that she was self-rejecting? Or …

Or …

OR!!!! i’m dying

“It seems easier to just not date,” she began, watching for any change in his demeanor. “Sex is too much a part of everything, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to tell my partner I don’t ever want to sleep with them and expect them to stick around. I’m not saying they wouldn’t agree. I personally am not okay with asking. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to try again someday, but I don’t want them to have the expectation that I will. It has to be my choice and a lot of people don’t respect that.”

She stared at his profile so hard she thought her eyes would cross. She prayed he would say the Perfect Thing.

please i’m losing it

He said nothing. Alice waited and waited, watched the way his fingers gripped the steering wheel, the way his thumb tapped to the soft music. He looked in the rearview mirror at the sleeping twins in their car seats, out his side mirrors when he changed lanes, but never at her. Not even a glance.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

She always told him everything, but she should not have told him that.

Not yet.

NOOOO what that’s the end of the chapter???

i guess in all fairness he can’t say “i’ll date you and we can never ever have sex if you want and i’ll always be OK with that” in like full honesty without, you know, really thinking about what that would be like, and it’s not a good idea to promise something if you don’t know if you can make good on it, and sex is super important to some people (??? i know but it is) so

chapter 29:

all takmui/alice hangouts at their camping cabin. alice decided to get drunk and He, A Gentleman, refused to also get drunk, just to make sure nothing untoward would happen. i lvoe him

chapter 30:

They stared at each other. Alice blinked first, but her eyes didn’t make it back to his. She focused on his smile, his lips, not wanting to kiss them; rather she wanted to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. The dangers of drunk-thinking could end in disaster. Her hand was halfway to his mouth when he asked, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

HE’S A GENTLEMAN i’m cryin

He gave her a funny look. “You like romance? In real life?”

“Of course I do. How do you not know this about me?”

Takumi laughed, turning away to look out the window for a moment. “I’m trying to figure something out and it’s not making sense to me.”

“Okay.” She willed herself not to be nervous.

“Before, you said ‘bisexual minus the sexual’ but didn’t add in a substitute. So if you don’t care about sex, what do you care about?”

“Ah,” she said, pleased by the question.

be still my beating heart i can’t believe he’s ASKING QUESTIONS where do people like this COME from

semi-related note i like that the book didn’t end with her coming out and them dating and it’s all rainbows, they still have a little poking to do, some understandings to come to, it’s Nice

“And for the record, I don’t believe in true love either, but I think it’s possible to feel like it could be real. That it’s possible to share something that feels that way with someone.”

The skeptical look on his face made her laugh without humor.

“And I think it’s possible to feel that way more than once. Sometimes even with more than one person at a time. Feelings are messy and confusing. It takes me a god-awful long time to sort through mine and I don’t always completely trust myself.”

i’m telling you dude. aces overthink shit. this is almost universally true i’m sure

about prom:

She didn’t know how to explain that, yes, her friends had been great, but going alone wasn’t in the plan. Every movie and show she had seen portrayed it as this big romantic event and she’d missed out on that because nobody asked her and she had been too afraid to ask anyone else. She wanted to wear her dress, get a corsage, and slow dance. It was stupid and archaic, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it like burning. If she thought about it too much, she could still feel that crushing hope that grew each day while she waited to be asked and that pervasive fear stopping her from asking anyone.

what a mood! i could type a thousand-word essay on my baggage re: school dances ALONE. at least alice got to GO to prom

OH my god alice is like still a lil tipsy and her brother called to yell at her about changing her major and he clocked that she was both drunk and hanging with “a grown-ass man” because “you have 2 friends and if you were with them you would have said their names and was immediately furious and demanded to speak to takumi

and alice, in a total power move, just HANDED HIM THE PHONE

“Yes—I’ll keep that in mind. Not that you could stop me if I wanted to, but I hear you.”

Her eyebrows slapped her hairline. She grabbed his hand, pulling it to her chest. “Wanted to what?”

Takumi squeezed her hand. Smiling, he looked at Alice and said to her brother, “No. You really couldn’t.” He hung up the phone. “That was fun.”

I BET I CAN GUESS WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT

listen. /I/ have a crush on takumi. he’s literally the perfect man

chapter 31:

FEENIE AND ALICE FINALLY MADE UP THANK FUCK

tbh feenie had some legit beef that is too long to copypasta - that alice was just using her for self defense - and admitted she had some bs going on too - it was a good make-up, actually. i’m so relieved

yk what’s cute?

“I really want us to grow old together, you know? Go through all the typical life stuff together even if that means we can only e-mail each other once a week because you moved to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska with your ten kids and I’m still in California because it’s amazing. Just like in that one movie—we’ll never lose touch with each other, ever. Is that weird?”

“No,” Feenie said. “It’s perfectly fucking normal.”

god bless

now that they’re back together feenie is ready to murder alice’s entire family for ditching her and helps her get a gameplan together about her future with no financial aid from her folks & god bless that too

chapter 32:

He watched the road.

She watched him.

God, did Alice want to kiss him. She had always liked kisses, small ones here and there. She wanted to kiss his cheeks and temples and the tip of his nose and his jaw and below his ear and every other place he would let her. She wanted to kiss him like he was the darkest night sky and her lips had the power to make stars.

AWWW she does like kissing well more power 2 u honey kissing is disgusting but live ur best life

omg it’s CONFESSION TIME

“So now would be a good time to say something,” she said when he continued to be silent.

“I’m trying. I’m just”—he paused—“I’m a little floored here.”

“I guess that means no.” She bit her lip.

“No. I mean, I’m not saying no.” More pausing. “I think I’m trying to say I need some time to think about this.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. And about us being an us. How that would work.”

Oh No ):

i was so sure he would be good!!!

“It’s just you’ve made your stance, I guess, pretty clear on things.”

A nervous quiver began to build in the pit of Alice’s stomach. “Oh. That.” She lowered her head. Her fingers toyed with the collar of her shirt when really they wanted to curl into a fist and press against the pain in her chest. But she didn’t want him to see.

“I remember what you said,” he said softly. “I don’t know if it’s something I could give up.” He closed his eyes, hands out in front of him as if he were reaching for the perfect combination of words to break her heart. Alice waited—wanting to hear it, wanting to run, wanting, wanting, always waiting and wanting.

IF HE FUCKS THIS UP I AM GONNA ZAP MYSELF INTO THIS BOOK AND KILL HIM fuck obviously he’s not obligated but C’MON!!!

“i’ve been reading everything that i could“ bye that is so thoughtful

An eerie calm settled over Alice. Every time this happened, she felt her pain with bone-shattering clarity, but this time—nothing. There was nothing. A numbness, surreal but true, made her heart keep beating at a steady rhythm, kept her breathing even, and allowed her to look at him. She watched him fidget and struggle, unsure where to look, what to do with his hands. Was he shaking from nerves or from worry?

Neither of them believed in forever, but for now wasn’t nearly long enough. Until he grew tired, until he moved on, until he left her because of something she had no control over. The thought of pretending, of faking her way through whatever kind of relationship he wanted, made her sick to her stomach. She had to be the one to leave him.

NO!!!!! goddammit!!

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” She inhaled, nodding and staring out the windshield at nothing. “It was my mistake. I should’ve asked and not assumed that you’d be okay with me as is.” She turned to him. “Let’s just forget the whole thing, okay? Everything.”

i’m gonna lose all my shit what the absolute FUCK how are they gonna fix this in 2 chapters

chapter 33, which had better be BETTER:

AWWWW it’s actually a phone call between alice and her dad!! he had a change of heart & agreed to pay for rent and groceries as long as she was in school doing SOMETHING bc he loves her and wants her to be happy ;_;

chapter 34, i’m dying, how will they fix it in one chapter:

“I wish it felt like this stupid, small thing I could crush in my hand, but it doesn’t. I wish it were some line in the sand that I could hop, skip, and jump over, but it’s not. It matters to him enough that the only thing he could say to me was that he cares, which you know, comparatively, wasn’t even that bad, but I can’t stop crying, because I’m pretty sure my heart’s breaking in there.

“A year ago, I would have said whatever. Sure. Yeah. Okay. But not now. Because I really, really like him, he knows everything, and he couldn’t answer me, because it matters enough to make him pause. Just that one stupid, small thing.”

she’s talking about her “breakup” with takumi and she’s miserable but yk what? it’s so good that she’s still not willing to budge and sleep with him just because she wants to be with him. it’s not like an admission fee. she likes him a lot but she’s done compromising herself w/ that line and i’m so proud of her for that

“I’m sorry about what I said the other night. I’m not perfect, but sometimes it really feels like you’re expecting me to be. I know I messed up, but refusing to talk to me isn’t fair. I’d never even heard of asexuality before I met you.”

Alice turned so fast she got a crick in her neck. “Will you hush?” She clamped a hand over his mouth,

sdfksghdkfgj fuck

altho fair point even i have called him perfect like 800 times. he’s trying hard & that’s what matters

oh my god so alice is like look im sorry but i like you too much we cannot be friends and he’s like yeah i think that’s true we can’t be and so she, tearfully, is like: that’s that then! and then he, wonderful man that he is:

“Except it’s not.” He grasped her wrist, rubbing his thumb gently over her pulse point. “I could say that I knew as soon as I saw you that I was doomed. I could say that I fell in love with you the morning after you fell asleep in my guest room and we got into a pillow fight when I tried to wake you up. I could say that when I was sick and you took care of me, almost asking you to marry me sounded like the greatest idea I’d ever had. I could say that every day I don’t talk to you, I feel like I’m dying a slow, melodramatic death.”

Alice stared at him, eyes wide, mouth agape. That kind of declaration was the bread and butter of romance movies, and it was for her.

IS HTIS SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM SHE LIKED ROMANCE MOVIES oh my god

OH MY GOD

JUST

SCREAMED

ok ok so he kisses her and then starts to kiss her again and then FREEZES

Inches away, eyes locked onto hers, he stopped moving. Alice pressed her lips together, anxious to get out of that frozen stance, but unsure of what to do. Didn’t he want to kiss her again? She wanted him too. What was he waiting for?

Takumi subtly raised his eyebrows.

(A question for her?)

(Oh. Oh.)

Now was probably the wrong time to tease him, but … “You didn’t ask first.”

“I realized that. I’m sorry,” he whispered back, words tickling her skin. “I’d like to kiss you again.”

“I’d like that, too. Yeah.”

I AM WAILING HE ASKED IF HE COULD KISS HER ARE YOU KIDDING ME

i take it back, he’s still perfect

i love this. romance novels for aces. make this a thing! straight women’s wish fulfillment is all that bodice-ripping ravishment BS and aces just want to be asked if it’s A-OK to smooch

She kissed him with everything she had and borrowed what she didn’t.

what a wonderful sentence

On the list of things Alice loved about Takumi, touching him was definitely in the top five. Resolutely she added kissing him to that list. Kisses were not supposed to be like this. They were nice and soft and made her feel warm inside, special, when done right, but were overly wet and vomit inducing when they weren’t. Kisses had never left her with her chest heaving and desperate for more moments like this. She never wanted to stop. She never wanted this kiss to end.

THIS IS REAL...alice understands the struggle.......literally i did gag once during a kiss they are patently Awful

“I already apologized, but I want to do it again, because I truly am sorry that I said what I did. I was too flustered to think properly and instead of taking the time to think like I knew I should have, I tried to answer you right away. I know what I want to say now.”

oh boy

“The reason why I hesitated wasn’t because of sex itself. You were spot on before. Sex is like jogging. Either you enjoy doing it or you don’t. To me, and this is just me, it’s the feeling that I care about—what sex is supposed to represent.”

“And that’s what to you?”

“If you felt the same way as I feel about you, you would want to have sex with me. You would think of me as someone worthy of your passion and desire, and you would show me how you feel physically. Not just with words but with action and urgency,” he continued, “but you don’t and for the most part, I understand. That’s not a part of who you are and I know that doesn’t mean that you don’t have other feelings for me. The thing is, that feeling that you can’t give me? It’s important to me. And I can’t apologize for feeling that way or for wanting it.”

TAKUMI....

oh my god

“This morning it finally clicked. I was thinking of sex, actually having sex, as the Holy Grail, and when I got frustrated, I tried to look at it from a different point of view and I realized something else.

“No one has ever complimented me as much as you do. Every day. All day. I could show up wearing a burlap sack and a tinfoil hat and you’d probably tell me how avant-garde and handsome I looked. You genuinely listen to what I have to say and value my opinion. You tell me I’m wonderful and talented and amazing—”

Alice didn’t mean to laugh—it bubbled out of her before she could stop it. She tilted her head to the side, looked at him, and said, “Because you are.”

“When you thought I didn’t want you, you started to cry,” he said. Alice tried to memorize the gentle look in his eyes as he spoke. “I watched you lower your head, clutch the front of your shirt, and try to smile because you didn’t want me to see how much what I was saying hurt you, because you do desire me. You wanted me so much that me saying no caused you actual pain. The thought of me only caring about not being able to have sex with you hurt because you thought I knew how much you wanted me.”

“For the record, I didn’t cry in the car. I cried in the shower.”

“It was still because of me.” He raised their joined hands and kissed the backs of hers. “It’s the same thing. Whether you’re so overwhelmed you can’t keep your hands off me or you’re crying because you think I don’t want you, it’s the same thing. It comes from the same place. That’s desire. That’s passion. You’ve never held back how you feel about me.”

AREY OU KIDDING ME...lmao i am crying again fully i can’t believe this

i have literally...never once in my entire 12ish years of struggling with this...thought of it that way

not one single solitary time. wow. i love this book. this is the best book ever, dumb fandom references and all

“Thank you,” she whispered, wiping away a rogue tear. She hadn’t realized she’d been waiting for someone, anyone, to say that to her. She knew it was true, of course, but sometimes hearing it out loud made all the difference in the world. “For saying that. Thank you.”

“It’s the truth.” He wiped away another of her traitorous tears with his thumb. “If we take away everything—there’s just you and me, nothing else, I see us together. Stripped down to the core, being with you is what I want because I’m in love with you. If we never had sex, I would still want to be with you because you’re in my heart, too. Just laughing, dancing, and twirling in circles, and I know that sounds weird as hell, but you are. And it’s important to me that you know that.”

STOPPP i’m like boo-hooing i can’t believe this

“So it would make you happy if we had sex?”

“I’m happy now.”

“Fine. You’d be happier, then?”

“Alice, we’ve been dating for five minutes. We have plenty of time to figure out what’s best for us.”

(DATING.)

bless her and bless him too

“Being in a relationship takes actual effort to be successful,” he said. “Not just talking, but listening, being honest, respecting each other, and compromise, you know, those kinds of things. That’s why people say make sure to marry your best friend because once the honeymoon is over? Nothing will save you if the foundation is shitty. But us? Me and you? We don’t have anything to worry about. We got this.”

“Okay.” She breathed. “Okay. I think that’s it.”

“It?”

“Yes. Yeah.” She kissed him.

It wasn’t the Perfect Thing, but it was real and honest and damn it, she’d take that any day.

THAT’S IT!!!!!

HTIS BOOK IS SO GOOD EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THIS ABOUT ROMANCE

okay and also there is an EPILOGUE:

SHE’S SURPRISING HIM FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY sdfkljs

“We’re still doing this every month? I thought six was the big one for you?”

“Yes, until we hit one year, and then I’ll stop being quite so extra. Not a lot though. Just a little. No promises.”

It had been seven glorious months.

(SEVEN.)

SIX IS THE BIG ONE FOR HER AND THEY MADE IT SEVEN!!!!

Getting Feenie and Takumi in the same room had taken weeks of machinations and failed attempts. Everything had finally come together on Thanksgiving. Takumi had volunteered to cook, Feenie refused to acknowledge his presence, but right before grabbing a third helping of his macaroni and cheese, she had looked at him, and said, “You hurt Alice, I hurt you. Are we clear? And pass the cranberry sauce. Please.”

(Alice had nearly fainted when she got her wedding invitation. It had been addressed to her and Takumi.)

i’ll allow feenie to be the good egg again

awww and her mom called and things are getting back to normal with them too, takumi’s even gonna meet them!

and then the v last lines:

“I know you make me happy,” he said, seconds away from falling asleep. “I know you love me.”

“I know you love me, too.”

and that’s that

overall review: i fuckin...love this book...it cuts you right to the core and doesn't mess around and the characters are so real and layered and imperfect and messy, and i can’t believe this is this author’s debut novel, like Damn. it is so good, and she is so brave for putting it all out there like that. best book ever 9.5/10 (half a point off for making me think about supernatural, but otherwise: perfect.)

#personal #LTAL

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