#Does anyone even still remember this copypasta

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

wednesday is not only the greatest betrayal in television history but the most maddeningly trite, disturbingly vapid, and internally confused ideological train wreck I’ve ever had the deeply sorrowful displeasure of allowing to pass through my corneas may god have mercy on burton or whoever else was responsible while someone slapped his brand name on it, and on all of us who are fated to live in a world where something so culturally, socially, politically, and artistically noxious as this Mary-sue-lead, transparently TikTok-targeted, phone-worshipping, vaguely bigoted, backfired virtue-signaling, fake leftist capitalist “my immortal”-esque fanfic earns a second season through what I can only be explained as manufactured consent. something must be done about Netflix’s Wednesday. This thing is a condescending insult, especially to young people, the socially conscious, and members of marginalized and “””outcast””” groups (LiKe GoThS & ppL who CAN cONTroL BEEEEES) who genuinely suffer from what this thing hollowly masturbates to while looking us dead in the eyes and saying “yeah, you like that, don’t you?” It is a Gatling gun of random buzzwords and empty references to social issues, grotesquely and impotently disguised and screaming “I’m commentary!” before pissing its pants, squealing like a pig, and at its most coherent offering nothing more than to demonize mental illness and make any marginalized identity out to be a mayonnaise-stained Hot Topic hoodie through Wiseau-ian dialogue, inappropriate “grittiness” for its source material and Harry Potter setting, and incessant hackery. I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d’s secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell so I can be eternally punished for having given this moral abomination one fraction of a fraction of a cent also it’s not a good Addams family adaptation anyway let me know your thoughts in the poll below

you want to se

nd me to conve

rsion therapy

for werewolves

okay we NEED to put “camp” up on a shelf where people can’t reach it too because i just saw someone call the mario movie camp like girl what in the fresh hell are you talking about 😭

[its-elvie-innit]

Dsmpblr stuff in one big archive post

The fake ranboo arg (run by a blog some people thought was ranboo or a kinnie. It never was, but instead was some sort of arg surrounding the ranboo lore. Multiple characters, like the Duke, duchess, and a discord server where people started translating the posts (which were all in ender, or minecraft galactic) (link to doc)

Minesonas, and then subsequently citizen memes. This was contained within three non-consecutive weeks, where people were discussing whether lmanburg had citizens or if it did, what would it be like?

People upset over ghostburs library being blown up. There were a lot of books in there important to a storyline, and some blogs were very upset they couldn't be archived

Mcytblr awards, which had a doc and everything (link)

DSMP sexyman!!!!! The competition one blog held to go over all the supposed sexymen in mcytblr, and if they were or not. The doc for this is here (link)

Dilfcourse (world sluttiest absent father) this went on prior to philza eventually finding out he was being called a dilf, and I think there may have been a poll (?) About who was the biggest dilf right after the one mcc with all new art of certain male ccs, but it also basically ended when philza got temporarily mad about tumblrites not wanting him on tumblr, and discovered dilfza. Then when he said he didn't like it, the entire "titty window" philza design disappeared and everyone stopped posting dilfza.

Philza nerfing a blog for an url (I think it turned out that tumblr did it? But it was still WEIRD) and EVERYONE got mad about it.

The one quackity kinnie blog? During this time, a ton of kinnie blogs popped up and the quackity one sticks in my head because it was kind of convincing

Drinnie. Another kinnie blog, I actually never knew if this one was real. It was more activ3 before I joined, but it was still a pretty large thing in small mcytblr.

Whatever we had going on with piss. I think dream started the pissbaby thing and it stuck. That was so big for so long

The split between dteamblr and dsmpblr. Also the protectiveness we kind of handed off between them. Being such a closely related fandom in the publics eyes, dsmpblr and dteamblr would both get hate anons about Dream and I still recall going to bat for them sometimes. Also the discussed "gnf sickness". I don't want to mention him because he's a horrible man and deserves jailtime but it was a part of it.

Mcytboundaries. Does anyone else remember that blog? That thing was so important in the first seven months I was here.

The death of kinnies. When those few kinnie blogs that cropped up started getting really upset over getting tons of copypastas and took them seriously. I remember being so annoyed at them because if you make a kinnie blog (NOT a roleplay blog) thats the culture!!! You knew that was going to happen!!!! Put a disclaimer in your bio or something gosh.

Beacon lamps sudden ubiquitous posts. Similarly with 420technoblazeit, sometimes there would be a joke that just stuck around because it was them who posted it.

This one's more recent, but those sootblr bloggers who kept having almost e-sex in random peoples notes. Even bloggers outside of mcytblr. What was up with those guys

Not wanting ccs on tumblr. Not an event, just the overarching opinion that it would be a bad thing. It slowly died off as an opinion during late 22, something that made me and a few other og mcytblrs very sad or hesitant because people would start sharing tumblr posts with the ccs. I remember It felt like the final death of og mcytblr to me

Does anyone remember if there was that one dsmp citizen server and if it actually happened???? That might be a fake memory.

Tubbo tumblr!! This is multiple events, but he mentioned he had one in early dsmp, and it kind of overjoyed people. Then, months later, he started scrolling on stream and people made posts (INCLUDING myself) about being so genuinely scared of him being online. Out of all of the "dsmper makes a tumblr" instances, I think this was the one with the most positive reaction.

Fuck dream hoodie (instagram) and mcytblrs reaction. Went in a really funny direction

Youtooz stealing mcytblr artists fanart

Hermitblr theory stolen by matpats yt channel and no reply

KARL HATEPOSTING. When for a month in 2021 everyone just HATED him for no real reason, maybe because of tftsmp?. I think it stemmed from two blogs, and then got its start in og mcytblr circles. I remember my ex mutual squid got too into it, it was really crazy. Why did we even do that.

Love or hosts.....love or hosts and the liveblogs...

The like, Hermitcraft vs Dsmpblr sudden dichotomy. One day I remember all of a sudden there were hermit blogs, and a few dsmp blogs after them, that started getting really pissy over people referring to dsmpblr as "mcytblr" because it wasn't the whole of mcytblr. Gosh that was so stupid and funny.

Those days people posted about crying over lost vods. Whenever someone did, it would catch like a virus and EVERYONE would start talking about how sad it was.

Kroger anon...Hearty anon...my loves. Hearty Anon was like the darling of mcytblr. I didn't even know they were a real blog I just thought they were like Kroger Anon. Always wanted one of those.

Finding out wooteena was like 11. Not actually eleven, but seriously everyone thought they were like an adult person I don't know.

Subtle, but the mcytblr friendgroups and different parts having beef with each other. It was really lowkey, but I'm sorry metfell and conarcoin and their whole deal had some real haters. thats probably because they were kinda mean sometimes.

INNITER OPRESSION. gosh I remember how giddy I would get defending myself over the url and saying it was just the first thing I thought of. If you had a certain url you were a magnet for sections of mcytblr in the silliest of ways I loved it so much. little cultural pockets for every streamer.

Mcytblrs reaction to the mcytwt trending writer. I thought that was so funny.

THE TUMBLR PODCAST. Those guys on tumblr that talked about us once!!!! On a podcast!!!! Similarly, all those times we dominated not only the trending page when there was a stream, but also the fandom reports tumblr put out about which keywords and tags were most popular. Whenever someone dropped down or moved up it was really "campeao del Mundo" in the mcytblr tags. And the slow decline and us being really really sad when a spot went -15...

DOES anyone else remember the triad. Mcyt reddit, Twitter, and tumblr. How Twitter thought we had a rivals to lovers thing but actually we just hated their guts. There was fanart and everything

When the Twitter refugees came over and the first wave was semi hate and semi welcoming. Everyone came around for the second wave, but the first exodus was 85% hesitant welcome and 15% vitriol and fear.

The discourse about calling them Twitter refugees??? Because refugees are "an actual thing" we couldn't call them that anymore. I just thought it was a little stupid.

Not a specific "event" but more a shift from analysis posts and liveblogs to art and headcanon posting. There was a time in the beginning where everyone theorized about anything and everything. As the dsmp aged and mcytblr grew it became so much more isolated, I still don't understand why people stopped using liveblog tags. Bring them back!!!!! Aurghh!!!!!!

When mcytblr (like nine people out of it) started going after some dude? I forget. But there was a harassment campaign, and death threats allegedly and some big blogs made a whole deal out of it and started saying how mcytblr was no different or better than mcytwt and I don't remember if it was justified or stupid. It was for sure after the first Twitter migration and possibly after the second.

Mcytblr crafting stuff. Such an awesome group of people. I think there's an archive for mcytblr crafts, btw, it's @mcytcrafts

Just about everything I remember, besides the discourse about tommy/others getting rid of the dsmp monuments or builds that had been there a really long time like the Wal-Mart and it being really heated for a while. By the time jack and tubbo started planting potatoes everyone was cool about the whole thing.

@mcytblr-archive

I don't want to write anymore :( I think like two of these are kind of my-circle specific but I'm unsure so I included them anyway. Hope it's useful!

Edit; Tapeworm post.

[canonically47]

thoughts on every ridonculous race duo including don at the beginning because i just finished watching it for the first time. continued in reblogs

don is such a fun host! he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, and doesn't push anything 'for the ratings'. and even so, he manages to have a lot of funny, witty moments. of course, chris is still my favorite host, but don definitely cuts it close!... especially because, let's be real, we all forgot anyone else in the universe. (don't come for me blaineley fans she's fine I SAID DON'T COME FOR ME STAY BACK PLEASE I HAVE A FAMILY)

the LARPers. definitely some... interesting characters. they're the prime example of total drama's flat and boring personalities, most of which were distributed in pahkitew island. i'm kinda mad that, of all those horribly mid and boring characters, we got the most mid and boring one back. hell i'd have preferred dave there, he'd had given us some substance to the story. i don't even remember the girl's name and i don't wanna google it. forgettable, but definitely annoying for as long as they were on screen.

the tennis rivals. good, but overhyped i think. at least, i've seen a lot of people talk about them and ship them, especially since their cameo in the reboot. i for sure thought they'd last longer because of that. i really liked their banter but they don't come close to my favorites. i will not be calling any of their agents. sorry :(

the geniuses. yeah they definitely existed! i mean their characters were fine and i really don't have anything against them, plus their concept is kinda fun. but i absolutely despise courtney's character and hearing her voice come out of another contestant's mouth made me hate her immediately. I STILL KINDA LIKE HER... like, her character design is fun... i just don't care for them that much

the vegans. they look sooo pretty and.. that is the sole reason i put them down as 'i vibe with'. i really don't care for them. i don't even know their names lmfao

the fashion bloggers. sooo fun whenever they were on-screen. unfortunately this show is so predictable and i can tell when a character's arc comes to an end and they're going home. i don't wish they stayed longer tbh? i like them but i think they've had their time. the wlw/mlm solidarity ever next to the ice dancers but we're getting to them. anyways, solid duo!

mom and daughter. ugh. fuck you

the adversity twins. i don't want to sound like a copypasta so i'll keep it short but GODDD THEY WERE SOOO ANNOYING. does NOBODY else feel this way?? i swear before i watched RR i only saw good things about them. HOW? LITERALLY HOW??? they are so fucking annoying and all they do when they're on screen is whine. "ooh mickey is allergic to breathing :((" "actually jay has a water allergy :((" AND THEN THEY HAVE THIS OP SUPERPOWER WHAT THE FUCK IS TEMPERATURE DYSLEXIA THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ahem. excuse me. getting too worked up over thE WORST DUO. SHUT THE FUCK UP let's move on sorry i'll control myself

the step-brothers. idk about you guys but they are really close to being my favorite duo. just... their entire gimmick is so good. the build-up to finding out they're so similar... ough the bros ever. i was so sad when they got eliminated :( they were so funny AND fun. lorenzo is higher than chet because i like his character design more. tbh they're kinda the same person to me? but this is a mistake i made before watching RR, thinking every duo is the same person. which they're not, i quickly learned. at least not most of them. but yeah these two were very fun, they bounced off each other very well. i really liked them. they should've gone further methinks.

[crusherthedoctor]

📞 a character others dislike but you don’t?

♠️ favorite protagonist?

🕷️a character you feel is underrated?

📞 - a character others dislike but you don't?

Elise has gained more appreciation over time, but you still get people who think she's to blame for everything wrong with '06. She was a decent if underdeveloped character who simply wasn't used in the story that well, and anyone who thinks turning her into a Not-Sally is the only way to fix her isn't trying.

There's also Zor and Marine, both of whom I will always defend. Isn't it wild how I can barely remember anything from The End's three minute tough guy Reddit copypasta, yet everything Zor says is solid gold... shout out to IDW for missing the point and making him an unironic tryhard like every other villain in the comic. As for Marine, people act as though her character development never happened, which isn't helped by Flynn being one of those very people, and I don't understand why they give her flak for her stereotypical accent, yet make no such complaints about Bunnie.

For a couple of non-Sonic examples: King Sombra kind of went through the same arc as Elise in retrospect. As in, nowadays he has more open fans, but back when he made his debut, he received a disproportionate amount of flak for being a mostly silent villain, and the way he was used. I personally appreciated what they were going for with him, mainly cause of how they conveyed his Crazy Prepared defenses and the like, and honestly, by the time FiM concluded, I think he ended up better off than certain other villains lmao.

And of course, Moneybags. Not counting the first game (cause he didn't exist yet), I don't consider it a true Spyro experience if Winnie the Shit doesn't pop up in increasingly improbable locations to make deals in exchange for, *ahem*, a small fee. He also has some of the best lines. ("What are you going to do, sue me?")

♠️ - favourite protagonist?

Gex is unironically a better written character than everyone in Frontiers and IDW put together. This realisation makes me want to drink tap water at Jerry Garcia's.

Tails has always been my main bro out of the Sonic good guys, cause of how smart he is and how much he wants to help. :D It's also why I'm vocal about how much I despise it when fans double down on reducing the franchise to Just Furry DBZ due to super forms and whatnot, since it means Tails and other characters not named Sonic/Shadow/Silver are guaranteed to be treated even more like they're not good for anything meaningful. >:|

Then there's Spyro of course, which I know will be considered ironic to some given my complex feelings on Sonic, but truth be told, Spyro isn't really that similar to Sonic beyond some snark. He does admittedly act like a dude with tude in the first game, but it's clear that he's younger in that one. From the second game onward, where he's slightly older, he's considerably more chill... at least compared to Bubsy and many others from the 90's. And speaking of, despite his dialogue consisting entirely of WOAH, I respect Crash as well, since it was the bandicoot that got little me into the world of video games.

And many things change, but my fondness for Fluttershy will never die. Just as I have a preference for funny robot-loving villains who nonetheless remain a legit serious threat instead of being a joke, I have another preference for kindhearted quiet characters... which is why I also enjoy Trip... and Tikal... look, we all have our types, I'm sure you can sympathise. ;P

🕷️ - a character you feel is underrated?

The Hard-Boiled Heavies have mostly been pushed aside since Mania came out (aside from that one IDW story, but that's not a blessing), and it makes me madder than YouTubers who pretend they're mad because there are villains with dialogue who have less personality than these guys. They're so much fun, and despite all of them having the same Egg Robo template, their designs remain distinct from each other, even in silhouette form.

I also took to Ariem early on. Like the Heavies, "underrated" refers to general lack of fandom buzz compared to other characters, since although she appears to be quite liked, the acknowledgement given to her is somewhat limited due to her being stuck in an Android-only game for the time being. Some people also have an obsession with comparing her unfavourably to either Sage or Lanolin, for reasons I can probably guess in both cases. Me? I love her design, and her interactions with Cream and Knuckles are cute. :> I know it's not likely, but I hope she appears elsewhere so that she can be brought to more fans' attention... provided she doesn't get IDW'd.

Finally, a more complicated example: Metal Sonic. Now yes, he's very popular and beloved, and remains so to this day, but during the last couple of years, I feel I've been seeing two growing sides in the community when it pertains to him: the side who loves Neo Metal Sonic, and believe he's only a threat in that form like Flynn apparently believes (given how he often turns regular Metal into a jobber), and the side who consider him lame or essentially worthless because of his minimal characterization compared to others. He might not say much, and he might be a hedgehog-shaped tool of Eggman's ambition rather than a complete person of his own, but I believe there's a lot you can do with Metal that wouldn't require turning him into Usurper the Elf Shoes. OVA Metal ain't S-tier for nothing.

[fox-bright]

Requisite Reddit Rabies Copypasta:

"Rabies. It's exceptionally common, but people just don't run into the animals that carry it often. Skunks especially, and bats.

Let me paint you a picture.

You go camping, and at midday you decide to take a nap in a nice little hammock. While sleeping, a tiny brown bat, in the "rage" stages of infection is fidgeting in broad daylight, uncomfortable, and thirsty (due to the hydrophobia) and you snort, startling him. He goes into attack mode.

Except you're asleep, and he's a little brown bat, so weighs around 6 grams. You don't even feel him land on your bare knee, and he starts to bite. His teeth are tiny. Hardly enough to even break the skin, but he does manage to give you the equivalent of a tiny scrape that goes completely unnoticed.

Rabies does not travel in your blood. In fact, a blood test won't even tell you if you've got it. (Antibody tests may be done, but are useless if you've ever been vaccinated.)

You wake up, none the wiser. If you notice anything at the bite site at all, you assume you just lightly scraped it on something.

The bomb has been lit, and your nervous system is the wick. The rabies will multiply along your nervous system, doing virtually no damage, and completely undetectable. You literally have NO symptoms.

It may be four days, it may be a year, but the camping trip is most likely long forgotten. Then one day your back starts to ache... Or maybe you get a slight headache?

At this point, you're already dead. There is no cure.

(The sole caveat to this is the Milwaukee Protocol, which leaves most patients dead anyway, and the survivors mentally disabled, and is seldom done).

There's no treatment. It has a 100% kill rate.

Absorb that. Not a single other virus on the planet has a 100% kill rate. Only rabies. And once you're symptomatic, it's over. You're dead.

So what does that look like?

Your headache turns into a fever, and a general feeling of being unwell. You're fidgety. Uncomfortable. And scared. As the virus that has taken its time getting into your brain finds a vast network of nerve endings, it begins to rapidly reproduce, starting at the base of your brain... Where your "pons" is located. This is the part of the brain that controls communication between the rest of the brain and body, as well as sleep cycles.

Next you become anxious. You still think you have only a mild fever, but suddenly you find yourself becoming scared, even horrified, and it doesn't occur to you that you don't know why. This is because the rabies is chewing up your amygdala.

As your cerebellum becomes hot with the virus, you begin to lose muscle coordination, and balance. You think maybe it's a good idea to go to the doctor now, but assuming a doctor is smart enough to even run the tests necessary in the few days you have left on the planet, odds are they'll only be able to tell your loved ones what you died of later.

You're twitchy, shaking, and scared. You have the normal fear of not knowing what's going on, but with the virus really fucking the amygdala this is amplified a hundred fold. It's around this time the hydrophobia starts.

You're horribly thirsty, you just want water. But you can't drink. Every time you do, your throat clamps shut and you vomit. This has become a legitimate, active fear of water. You're thirsty, but looking at a glass of water begins to make you gag, and shy back in fear. The contradiction is hard for your hot brain to see at this point. By now, the doctors will have to put you on IVs to keep you hydrated, but even that's futile. You were dead the second you had a headache.

You begin hearing things, or not hearing at all as your thalamus goes. You taste sounds, you see smells, everything starts feeling like the most horrifying acid trip anyone has ever been on. With your hippocampus long under attack, you're having trouble remembering things, especially family.

You're alone, hallucinating, thirsty, confused, and absolutely, undeniably terrified. Everything scares the literal shit out of you at this point. These strange people in lab coats. These strange people standing around your bed crying, who keep trying to get you "drink something" and crying. And it's only been about a week since that little headache that you've completely forgotten. Time means nothing to you anymore. Funny enough, you now know how the bat felt when he bit you.

Eventually, you slip into the "dumb rabies" phase. Your brain has started the process of shutting down. Too much of it has been turned to liquid virus. Your face droops. You drool. You're all but unaware of what's around you. A sudden noise or light might startle you, but for the most part, it's all you can do to just stare at the ground. You haven't really slept for about 72 hours.

Then you die. Always, you die.

And there's not one... fucking... thing... anyone can do for you.

Then there's the question of what to do with your corpse. I mean, sure, burying it is the right thing to do. But the fucking virus can survive in a corpse for years. You could kill every rabid animal on the planet today, and if two years from now, some moist, preserved, rotten hunk of used-to-be brain gets eaten by an animal, it starts all over.

So yeah, rabies scares the shit out of me. And it's fucking EVERYWHERE."

Man but the notes on that post really are just tumblr showing they have no idea how anything works.

"report to your local animal abuse people not to cops" local animal abuse people would be animal control. Animal control officers are cops.

"rabies is treatable if you go to the doctor right after the bite" rabies is PREVENTABLE, not treatable. There is no cure for rabies. If you suspect you came into contact with a rabid animal, you need to get a series of rabies vaccinations to prevent the virus from taking over your body. This is not a treatment and it only works if you go right away. If you show any symptoms of rabies it is too late.

"rabies is fatal in animals but treatable in humans" rabies has a 100% fatality rate and is not considered a survivable disease at this point in time. If you contract rabies YOU WILL DIE. The "treatment" in humans is called the Milwaukee Protocol, only 14% of people survive it, and it leaves you with massive brain damage and effectively turns you into a vegetable. You do not return to a normal life afterwards. Very few people who have undergone this process are capable of doing more than laying in a hospital bed and eating and breathing through tubes. To my knowledge only one person was able to live a semi-normal life after years and years of ongoing therapy and was not expected to have made it even through her first year after treatment.

I cannot stress enough how rabies is unlike any other disease you may be thinking of. It's required on a federal level in this country to vaccinate pretty much any domestic animal that comes into contact with wildlife for one reason and one reason only: it is not considered possible to cure rabies and the spread of disease would threaten all mammalian life including our own if allowed to continue to propagate.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 89 - Twice as Bright

Jon: Right. But no more abattoir metaphors, please. Jude: Suppose it’s not really me, is it?

Yeah, too Fleshy.

Jon: I just have a few questions. Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year? Jude: Not alone, but yes. You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss. Jon: I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified. Why? Jude: Stop that! And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to.

Jon doesn't even know what he's doing and Jude is getting all bristly, like a scared cat hissing.

Jon: I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct? Jude: She’s not one of your little stories. Jon: According to the statement of Jack Barnabas, she very much is.

Anyone going to throw things at me if I say "Oooh, burn!" in this context? Because, this is very much an Ooooh burn sort of situation.

Jon: Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before. And from things much scarier than you.

Jeez, Jon, where's all THIS coming from all of the sudden? Man, I wish I ever went from 'exhaustedly done with the world's shit' to 'I'm giving the world its shit right back!' like that!

Jude: Are you trying to talk me into killing you? If I wanted, I could reach through your chest like runny wax, and hold your heart while it cooked. No-one would even notice, if I didn’t give you time to scream.

Oh god, I love Jude. Every other avatar we've met is all quiet menace until they go full-monster and even then they're just 'JooOoon, coming to fiiiiind youuuu'. And here's Jude just CHEWING the goddamn scenery with relish, cutting things asunder with her edge. I've said this multiple times to people while discussing TMA but Jude is just basically the navy seal copypasta of avatardom and I'm enjoying her so much right now!

Jude: Hard to say. When I look at you I feel that burning liquid pain, eager to flow out and purify your rotten carcass, but I feel that a lot. Jon: Oh. M-More or less than normal? Jude: Hard to say when every nerve ending’s on fire. Hard to tell degrees. Jon: Third degree, maybe?

I cannot tell you which of the two I want to squeal at more right now. I adore this entire dialogue so much.

Jude: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge. I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

Okay, but you still react like a cat that's been sprayed with water whenever Jon asks you a question, Jude, love, you're not fooling anyone...

Jude: The unfathomable contest of eternal forces is not the only reason I might want someone dead.

This is important right here. Obviously the idea that avatars are still their own people, regardless of the Entity they serve, became really obvious somewhere along the line, but at this point in my first go I was still basically thinking in terms of "Hm, well, this power and that power interact in this way... wait, that makes no sense..." and sort of discounting that it's not always ABOUT the powers, despite how obvious that was!

Jon: Statement of Jude Perry, regarding… some advice.

Jon just vacillates wildly between fear and being so DONE with Jude's bullshit and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Jude: The pain is sensational. You feel your flesh cooking, your nerves screaming out as they die exquisitely. Your whole body changes texture as you become that which feeds the fire. In that agonising, beautiful transformation, you can feel it ignite again and again and again.

Okay, now she's just making self-immolation sound tempting...

It was Agnes, of course. I don’t know where she found me, I only remember sitting in a booth with a beautiful young woman who smelled like matches and incense.

Well, someone's certainly smitten...

And with each act of glorious, hateful destruction, I felt my god’s love embrace me, consume me, give me life. Any feelings of pity or mercy I might have had for the poor woman I fed from were cauterised.

Ah, come on, like they existed to need cauterising in the first place...

And so I ended it. For all the agony and pain on Gretchen’s face, she didn’t seem surprised when I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. I think she screamed. She must have screamed.

Tbh, Gretchen may have been traumatised for life but Jude seems to have lost interest in her after, so that was probably fucking lucky for poor Gretchen here.

Jon: Michael? (...) Corridors, weird limbs, laughs like a… headache? Jude: What? No. He’s pale, got a big, weird scar. Smells of, um… Jon: Oh, ozone! Jude: Yeah, that’s the one. Hangs around with the Fairchilds sometimes.

I love that the podcast is lampshading the fact that they've got two recurring characters named Michael (AND one Mikaele on top but at least he's usually referred to by his last name). I wonder at what point Johnny went "Whoops, I may have created a confusion." (I mean, not that it's unrealistic, my UK friend group-and-adjacent-people had enough Andrews, Johns and Matts that they basically all ended up with weird nicknames but it's just a bad idea to have identical names in fiction.)

Jude: Come on. It won’t hurt. (...) I lied. Jon: - SCREAMING IN INCREASING AGONY -

I mean, first of all, duh, yeah, OF COURSE SHE LIED! But also, Johnny is not a bad actor. The scream reminded me a little of that one time that my partner managed to scald a hand with boiling water while making tea (one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, incidentally, would like to not hear that again.)

My impression of this episode

First of all, I adore Jude. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'd be friends with her (I mean, duh, she was despicable as a human being and is now a fully devoted servant of the Entity-of-torment-and-loss, having near-orgasms over the idea of making people suffer, so...) but as a character she's just so beautifully over the top! It's fun! And Jon's interaction with her is incredibly interesting because, well, this may be the first time that Jon meets anything Entity-adjacent that is actually afraid of HIM (and yeah, Jude may be putting on a tough act, but she seems fucking terrified.) That was just really fun to watch, to be honest. A little bit of ... vicarious power fantasy, perhaps, at least until Jude turns the tables again. This was just a really enjoyable episode!

[studiousbees]

[App Review]—LingoDeer (Japanese)

**EDIT** The LingoDeer team read my review and fixed some of the things I pointed out :>

Learning Japanese?? I was originally going to review LingoDeer’s Chinese lessons next, but I was contacted by the team who developed the app and the lessons after the read my review on the Korean course. They asked if I was learning Japanese and, if so, if I could do a similar review for the Japanese course (please note that I have never done any sort of sponsored review or anything like that; I review what I want and I review them honestly). I said I would, so here we are! Maybe this will get me back on track with studying Japanese, anyway. Those of you who were around during this blog’s early stages will remember I was studying Japanese for a while, but I had to abandon it because I just didn’t have enough time ㅠㅠ Welp, it’s time to start again!

I do want to note that, other than the obvious language difference between this review and my review of LingoDeer’s Korean course, there is also a huge difference in my perspective between both of these reviews. Having studied Korean for over seven years now, my LingoDeer Korean review was done more from a been-there-done-that perspective. A lot of my intuition as not only a long-term Korean learner but also a Korean grammar blogger and a language teacher went into it. However, I am nowhere near the same level in Japanese, so this review is written from much more of a beginning learner perspective, with a bit of my teacher brain as far as what is and isn’t effective for language learning thrown in.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s jump on in!

What is LingoDeer?

LingoDeer is a language-learning app for the three major east Asian languages, Korean, Mandarin Chinese, and Japanese. It is developed by teachers of those three languages, so that’s pretty cool!

Very first impressions

As I said in my review of LingoDeer (Korean), the LingoDeer app’s design and interface is very clean and visually appealing. I do get some loading screens still, but none of them are super long unless I’m on my home Wifi. I’d been thinking about maybe getting a new, stronger router anyway... 

Learning Hiragana and Katakana

You can start with learning Hiragana and Katakana, or you can just skip it and go straight to learning the actual grammar and other material. For the sake of this review (and since my Katakana memory has always been pretty bad), I did the Hiragana and Katakana courses. Before you start a level in the Alphabet section, you can flip a toggle for whether you want to learn Hiragana or Katakana. Ultimately, though, it doesn’t really matter since they are presented together and you will be asked to match the corresponding Hiragana and Katakana. I have actually never used a source that teaches them together in this way, and I really like it because it made it easier for me to remember the Katakana. The main differences between doing one writing system vs. the other (for example, choosing to do them in Katakana mode instead of Hiragana) is that you will only be presented with stroke order diagrams for the set you chose, and they will occur more frequently. At the end of the day, the choice is yours.

 Again, the sound files in this app are really great, so you can hear the sounds very clearly. My only real issue with the Hiragana/Katakana-learning exercises is when you have to match multiple pairs at once. There are a few screens like that at the end of each level, and if you want to hear the readout of the sounds as you do them, you have to flip a toggle on the screen because the sound is off by default. Since this is a language learning app, I really think it would make more sense to have the sound on by default. Also, you have to flip the toggle every new screen rather than flipping it once and that being your setting for the level. Having to flip it every single time just to get the automatic audio got annoying pretty quickly.

Just as the Korean course had extensive Hangul charts, there are interactive Hiragana and Katakana charts in the Japanese course. You can click on the individual spaces to have the sounds read out, which I liked. However, there seems to be a little bug such that sometimes when I go to the charts they don’t read out when I press the spaces. In those cases, I have to restart the app for the charts to work properly.

Finally, there are notes explaining the Japanese writing system, and they’re quite extensive! This app certainly does give a lot of information.

Getting in to learning

This app is currently structured 100% for beginners in the sense that you must start with the first level. There is no way to test up into a higher level. This test up feature is there in other comparable apps, so its absence here is very noticeable. Until such a function is (hopefully) added in, anyone who wants to use this app will have to obligatorily do the lower levels first regardless of their skill level.

All of the actual learning levels have grammar notes at the beginning, which you can access if you swipe to the tile left of the first lesson tile. I think it would make more sense to have the notes tile be the first one you see, as it is easy to miss and the notes give a ton of important information that beginning learners really should read. The notes are detailed and very helpful, but there are some typos here and there, and I noticed some unusual Romaji (though I’m not sure if it’s just that they were using a different Romaji system... are there multiple Romaji systems??). The word for “China,” which I had always seen before in Romaji as “ch(y)uugoku,” was written as “tyuugoku,” which threw me off.

When you get into the learning levels, you can choose how you want writing to be displayed, and there are a TON of options! You can go for full on normal Japanese writing with the Kanji and all, Kanji with Hiragana (my setting), Hiragana only, Romaji only, Hiragana and Romaji... you can choose what would suit your needs best and adjust as you become more comfortable reading Japanese.

As for actually learning, there is a variety of activities including word-picture matching, listening and choosing the right answer, inserting grammatical elements into the right places, and unscrambling sentences, and more. The only thing that I really wish the learning levels has is some speaking practice! I’ve said it many, many times before, but HelloChinese is a similarly structured app that has speaking practice built into all of its levels. If LingoDeer also had it, I would be so happy~ Also, as I mentioned in my LingoDeer (Korean) review, this app is fairly quiet in the sense that it does not automatically read out sentences for you on some screens, and there is no indication given that you can access audio for those screens. It would be nice if there was maybe a little play button to make it clear that you can hear audio on those screens with no auto play, or maybe an overall option (that could be toggled on or off as you please, of course) for automatic audio playback.

One other little bone I have to pick is that, when doing syllable-by-syllable unscrambling of sentences, the app starts indicating what the first syllable you pick should be within about three seconds. Maybe some people like the hints, but I could do without them for sure. I would be happy if the time to hinting was increased, or if there was a toggle to turn it off completely.

Upon completion of a level, you can get up to five stars. When you first start studying, you set a goal for how many stars you want to get each day, and if you choose the lowest possible number (five) and do a single level perfectly, your study for the day is complete.

The biggest error I have seen in this course so far is that the notes in the “Household” section (as far as I got so far) are missing ㅠㅠ I sent a report in, so hopefully that’s fixed soon. Considering how responsive the LingoDeer team has been to me so far, I’m fairly confident it will be fixed soon.

Overall, I like the structure of the lessons and the pacing. I could definitely see myself using this app long term!

Review and stats

(This section is more or less copypasta from my previous review, so feel free to skip it if you read that one!)

If you want to go back and review vocab or grammar flashcards, there is a section where you can do that. The review questions are the same as the regular level questions. You can choose to do a single lesson, or you can combine lessons for a comprehensive review. Also, there is spaced repetition listening practice, which is pretty cool. You can choose how you want the words and sentences presented, with Japanese, the English translation, or just the audio and no writing. After listening, you can reveal the correct answer and rate your recall/performance “weak,” “good,” or “perfect.” You can also choose if you want a word or sentence-focused review. Seems like a good feature.

As for stats, you can check how long your learning streak has been ongoing, and it even tells you how long you have studied for. There are some little achievement badges for things like learning time and streaks also. You can also set a time for reminders to study if you would like. However, I notice that the app is not synced to your phone’s clock but some other clock, perhaps that of the server it’s hosted on. So, for example, if I use the app in the morning here in Korea, it will still count any stars I get to the previous day since the app’s date hasn’t rolled over yet. There is not an option to change the app’s clock to sync to your time zone as far as I can tell.

Oh, and there is offline learning! You can download the course take it with you if you are, say, going on a flight or off to some remote area where there is no internet or cell service!

Conclusion

LingoDeer’s Japanese course is really fun and easy to use! The grammar notes are very informative, and the lessons are not too heavy so they don’t feel burdensome or intimidating to a new learner. The pros and cons:

PROS:

GREAT audio files

Lots of good notes and information on grammar

Spaced repetition practice and flashcards

Study reminders

Lessons that are informative and useful without being overwhelming

Offline learning

CONS:

No function to test out of lower levels

Typos in notes and other places

App clock not synced to phone clock

No speaking practice

[thedegenerateasexual]

the last of let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 27-34 + the epilogue:

chapter 27:

v v short, just a visit to the therapist again where she tells him about coming out

chapter 28: 

alice went to her parents wioth the law school thing and told them she wanted to change majors and they...cut her off financially

that was not what i was expecting and not what she was expecting either god damn

she went to takumi’s to be sad and

“What about a weekend away? Forget about everything for a few days and relax. How do you feel about camping?”

“I feel like I’m not going to like it.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

He traced the bridge of her nose. “In a cabin, not a tent.”

“I feel like I might like it.”

lmao mood

“I’m not going to sleep with people to make them happy anymore. It’s kind of my thing, but I don’t want it to be.”

“Wait, he asked to have sex with you?”

“No, but if things went well, he would have. Eventually.”

“He might not,” he said. “You don’t really know what someone will say until you tell them.”

That … was not what she expected him to say. Her admission should have gotten her a solemn nod, meaningful condolences, and a promise that she’d find someone someday.

Did he really care that she was self-rejecting? Or …

Or …

Or …

OR!!!! i’m dying

“It seems easier to just not date,” she began, watching for any change in his demeanor. “Sex is too much a part of everything, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to tell my partner I don’t ever want to sleep with them and expect them to stick around. I’m not saying they wouldn’t agree. I personally am not okay with asking. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to try again someday, but I don’t want them to have the expectation that I will. It has to be my choice and a lot of people don’t respect that.”

She stared at his profile so hard she thought her eyes would cross. She prayed he would say the Perfect Thing.

please i’m losing it

He said nothing. Alice waited and waited, watched the way his fingers gripped the steering wheel, the way his thumb tapped to the soft music. He looked in the rearview mirror at the sleeping twins in their car seats, out his side mirrors when he changed lanes, but never at her. Not even a glance.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

She always told him everything, but she should not have told him that.

Not yet.

NOOOO what that’s the end of the chapter???

i guess in all fairness he can’t say “i’ll date you and we can never ever have sex if you want and i’ll always be OK with that” in like full honesty without, you know, really thinking about what that would be like, and it’s not a good idea to promise something if you don’t know if you can make good on it, and sex is super important to some people (??? i know but it is) so

chapter 29:

all takmui/alice hangouts at their camping cabin. alice decided to get drunk and He, A Gentleman, refused to also get drunk, just to make sure nothing untoward would happen. i lvoe him

chapter 30:

They stared at each other. Alice blinked first, but her eyes didn’t make it back to his. She focused on his smile, his lips, not wanting to kiss them; rather she wanted to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. The dangers of drunk-thinking could end in disaster. Her hand was halfway to his mouth when he asked, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

HE’S A GENTLEMAN i’m cryin

He gave her a funny look. “You like romance? In real life?”

“Of course I do. How do you not know this about me?”

Takumi laughed, turning away to look out the window for a moment. “I’m trying to figure something out and it’s not making sense to me.”

“Okay.” She willed herself not to be nervous.

“Before, you said ‘bisexual minus the sexual’ but didn’t add in a substitute. So if you don’t care about sex, what do you care about?”

“Ah,” she said, pleased by the question.

be still my beating heart i can’t believe he’s ASKING QUESTIONS where do people like this COME from

semi-related note i like that the book didn’t end with her coming out and them dating and it’s all rainbows, they still have a little poking to do, some understandings to come to, it’s Nice

“And for the record, I don’t believe in true love either, but I think it’s possible to feel like it could be real. That it’s possible to share something that feels that way with someone.”

The skeptical look on his face made her laugh without humor.

“And I think it’s possible to feel that way more than once. Sometimes even with more than one person at a time. Feelings are messy and confusing. It takes me a god-awful long time to sort through mine and I don’t always completely trust myself.”

i’m telling you dude. aces overthink shit. this is almost universally true i’m sure

about prom:

She didn’t know how to explain that, yes, her friends had been great, but going alone wasn’t in the plan. Every movie and show she had seen portrayed it as this big romantic event and she’d missed out on that because nobody asked her and she had been too afraid to ask anyone else. She wanted to wear her dress, get a corsage, and slow dance. It was stupid and archaic, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it like burning. If she thought about it too much, she could still feel that crushing hope that grew each day while she waited to be asked and that pervasive fear stopping her from asking anyone.

what a mood! i could type a thousand-word essay on my baggage re: school dances ALONE. at least alice got to GO to prom

OH my god alice is like still a lil tipsy and her brother called to yell at her about changing her major and he clocked that she was both drunk and hanging with “a grown-ass man” because “you have 2 friends and if you were with them you would have said their names and was immediately furious and demanded to speak to takumi

and alice, in a total power move, just HANDED HIM THE PHONE

“Yes—I’ll keep that in mind. Not that you could stop me if I wanted to, but I hear you.”

Her eyebrows slapped her hairline. She grabbed his hand, pulling it to her chest. “Wanted to what?”

Takumi squeezed her hand. Smiling, he looked at Alice and said to her brother, “No. You really couldn’t.” He hung up the phone. “That was fun.”

I BET I CAN GUESS WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT

listen. /I/ have a crush on takumi. he’s literally the perfect man

chapter 31:

FEENIE AND ALICE FINALLY MADE UP THANK FUCK

tbh feenie had some legit beef that is too long to copypasta - that alice was just using her for self defense - and admitted she had some bs going on too - it was a good make-up, actually. i’m so relieved

yk what’s cute?

“I really want us to grow old together, you know? Go through all the typical life stuff together even if that means we can only e-mail each other once a week because you moved to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska with your ten kids and I’m still in California because it’s amazing. Just like in that one movie—we’ll never lose touch with each other, ever. Is that weird?”

“No,” Feenie said. “It’s perfectly fucking normal.”

god bless

now that they’re back together feenie is ready to murder alice’s entire family for ditching her and helps her get a gameplan together about her future with no financial aid from her folks & god bless that too

chapter 32:

He watched the road.

She watched him.

God, did Alice want to kiss him. She had always liked kisses, small ones here and there. She wanted to kiss his cheeks and temples and the tip of his nose and his jaw and below his ear and every other place he would let her. She wanted to kiss him like he was the darkest night sky and her lips had the power to make stars.

AWWW she does like kissing well more power 2 u honey kissing is disgusting but live ur best life

omg it’s CONFESSION TIME

“So now would be a good time to say something,” she said when he continued to be silent.

“I’m trying. I’m just”—he paused—“I’m a little floored here.”

“I guess that means no.” She bit her lip.

“No. I mean, I’m not saying no.” More pausing. “I think I’m trying to say I need some time to think about this.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. And about us being an us. How that would work.”

Oh No ):

i was so sure he would be good!!!

“It’s just you’ve made your stance, I guess, pretty clear on things.”

A nervous quiver began to build in the pit of Alice’s stomach. “Oh. That.” She lowered her head. Her fingers toyed with the collar of her shirt when really they wanted to curl into a fist and press against the pain in her chest. But she didn’t want him to see.

“I remember what you said,” he said softly. “I don’t know if it’s something I could give up.” He closed his eyes, hands out in front of him as if he were reaching for the perfect combination of words to break her heart. Alice waited—wanting to hear it, wanting to run, wanting, wanting, always waiting and wanting.

IF HE FUCKS THIS UP I AM GONNA ZAP MYSELF INTO THIS BOOK AND KILL HIM fuck obviously he’s not obligated but C’MON!!!

“i’ve been reading everything that i could“ bye that is so thoughtful

An eerie calm settled over Alice. Every time this happened, she felt her pain with bone-shattering clarity, but this time—nothing. There was nothing. A numbness, surreal but true, made her heart keep beating at a steady rhythm, kept her breathing even, and allowed her to look at him. She watched him fidget and struggle, unsure where to look, what to do with his hands. Was he shaking from nerves or from worry?

Neither of them believed in forever, but for now wasn’t nearly long enough. Until he grew tired, until he moved on, until he left her because of something she had no control over. The thought of pretending, of faking her way through whatever kind of relationship he wanted, made her sick to her stomach. She had to be the one to leave him.

NO!!!!! goddammit!!

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” She inhaled, nodding and staring out the windshield at nothing. “It was my mistake. I should’ve asked and not assumed that you’d be okay with me as is.” She turned to him. “Let’s just forget the whole thing, okay? Everything.”

i’m gonna lose all my shit what the absolute FUCK how are they gonna fix this in 2 chapters

chapter 33, which had better be BETTER:

AWWWW it’s actually a phone call between alice and her dad!! he had a change of heart & agreed to pay for rent and groceries as long as she was in school doing SOMETHING bc he loves her and wants her to be happy ;_;

chapter 34, i’m dying, how will they fix it in one chapter:

“I wish it felt like this stupid, small thing I could crush in my hand, but it doesn’t. I wish it were some line in the sand that I could hop, skip, and jump over, but it’s not. It matters to him enough that the only thing he could say to me was that he cares, which you know, comparatively, wasn’t even that bad, but I can’t stop crying, because I’m pretty sure my heart’s breaking in there.

“A year ago, I would have said whatever. Sure. Yeah. Okay. But not now. Because I really, really like him, he knows everything, and he couldn’t answer me, because it matters enough to make him pause. Just that one stupid, small thing.”

she’s talking about her “breakup” with takumi and she’s miserable but yk what? it’s so good that she’s still not willing to budge and sleep with him just because she wants to be with him. it’s not like an admission fee. she likes him a lot but she’s done compromising herself w/ that line and i’m so proud of her for that

“I’m sorry about what I said the other night. I’m not perfect, but sometimes it really feels like you’re expecting me to be. I know I messed up, but refusing to talk to me isn’t fair. I’d never even heard of asexuality before I met you.”

Alice turned so fast she got a crick in her neck. “Will you hush?” She clamped a hand over his mouth,

sdfksghdkfgj fuck

altho fair point even i have called him perfect like 800 times. he’s trying hard & that’s what matters

oh my god so alice is like look im sorry but i like you too much we cannot be friends and he’s like yeah i think that’s true we can’t be and so she, tearfully, is like: that’s that then! and then he, wonderful man that he is:

“Except it’s not.” He grasped her wrist, rubbing his thumb gently over her pulse point. “I could say that I knew as soon as I saw you that I was doomed. I could say that I fell in love with you the morning after you fell asleep in my guest room and we got into a pillow fight when I tried to wake you up. I could say that when I was sick and you took care of me, almost asking you to marry me sounded like the greatest idea I’d ever had. I could say that every day I don’t talk to you, I feel like I’m dying a slow, melodramatic death.”

Alice stared at him, eyes wide, mouth agape. That kind of declaration was the bread and butter of romance movies, and it was for her.

IS HTIS SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM SHE LIKED ROMANCE MOVIES oh my god

OH MY GOD

I

JUST 

SCREAMED

ok ok so he kisses her and then starts to kiss her again and then FREEZES

Inches away, eyes locked onto hers, he stopped moving. Alice pressed her lips together, anxious to get out of that frozen stance, but unsure of what to do. Didn’t he want to kiss her again? She wanted him too. What was he waiting for?

Takumi subtly raised his eyebrows.

(A question for her?)

(Oh. Oh.)

Now was probably the wrong time to tease him, but … “You didn’t ask first.”

“I realized that. I’m sorry,” he whispered back, words tickling her skin. “I’d like to kiss you again.”

“I’d like that, too. Yeah.”

I AM WAILING HE ASKED IF HE COULD KISS HER ARE YOU KIDDING ME

i take it back, he’s still perfect

i love this. romance novels for aces. make this a thing! straight women’s wish fulfillment is all that bodice-ripping ravishment BS and aces just want to be asked if it’s A-OK to smooch

She kissed him with everything she had and borrowed what she didn’t.

what a wonderful sentence

On the list of things Alice loved about Takumi, touching him was definitely in the top five. Resolutely she added kissing him to that list. Kisses were not supposed to be like this. They were nice and soft and made her feel warm inside, special, when done right, but were overly wet and vomit inducing when they weren’t. Kisses had never left her with her chest heaving and desperate for more moments like this. She never wanted to stop. She never wanted this kiss to end.

THIS IS REAL...alice understands the struggle.......literally i did gag once during a kiss they are patently Awful

“I already apologized, but I want to do it again, because I truly am sorry that I said what I did. I was too flustered to think properly and instead of taking the time to think like I knew I should have, I tried to answer you right away. I know what I want to say now.”

oh boy

“The reason why I hesitated wasn’t because of sex itself. You were spot on before. Sex is like jogging. Either you enjoy doing it or you don’t. To me, and this is just me, it’s the feeling that I care about—what sex is supposed to represent.”

“And that’s what to you?”

“If you felt the same way as I feel about you, you would want to have sex with me. You would think of me as someone worthy of your passion and desire, and you would show me how you feel physically. Not just with words but with action and urgency,” he continued, “but you don’t and for the most part, I understand. That’s not a part of who you are and I know that doesn’t mean that you don’t have other feelings for me. The thing is, that feeling that you can’t give me? It’s important to me. And I can’t apologize for feeling that way or for wanting it.”

TAKUMI....

oh my god

“This morning it finally clicked. I was thinking of sex, actually having sex, as the Holy Grail, and when I got frustrated, I tried to look at it from a different point of view and I realized something else.

“No one has ever complimented me as much as you do. Every day. All day. I could show up wearing a burlap sack and a tinfoil hat and you’d probably tell me how avant-garde and handsome I looked. You genuinely listen to what I have to say and value my opinion. You tell me I’m wonderful and talented and amazing—”

Alice didn’t mean to laugh—it bubbled out of her before she could stop it. She tilted her head to the side, looked at him, and said, “Because you are.”

“When you thought I didn’t want you, you started to cry,” he said. Alice tried to memorize the gentle look in his eyes as he spoke. “I watched you lower your head, clutch the front of your shirt, and try to smile because you didn’t want me to see how much what I was saying hurt you, because you do desire me. You wanted me so much that me saying no caused you actual pain. The thought of me only caring about not being able to have sex with you hurt because you thought I knew how much you wanted me.”

“For the record, I didn’t cry in the car. I cried in the shower.”

“It was still because of me.” He raised their joined hands and kissed the backs of hers. “It’s the same thing. Whether you’re so overwhelmed you can’t keep your hands off me or you’re crying because you think I don’t want you, it’s the same thing. It comes from the same place. That’s desire. That’s passion. You’ve never held back how you feel about me.”

AREY OU KIDDING ME...lmao i am crying again fully i can’t believe this

i have literally...never once in my entire 12ish years of struggling with this...thought of it that way

not one single solitary time. wow. i love this book. this is the best book ever, dumb fandom references and all

“Thank you,” she whispered, wiping away a rogue tear. She hadn’t realized she’d been waiting for someone, anyone, to say that to her. She knew it was true, of course, but sometimes hearing it out loud made all the difference in the world. “For saying that. Thank you.”

“It’s the truth.” He wiped away another of her traitorous tears with his thumb. “If we take away everything—there’s just you and me, nothing else, I see us together. Stripped down to the core, being with you is what I want because I’m in love with you. If we never had sex, I would still want to be with you because you’re in my heart, too. Just laughing, dancing, and twirling in circles, and I know that sounds weird as hell, but you are. And it’s important to me that you know that.”

STOPPP i’m like boo-hooing i can’t believe this

“So it would make you happy if we had sex?”

“I’m happy now.”

“Fine. You’d be happier, then?”

“Alice, we’ve been dating for five minutes. We have plenty of time to figure out what’s best for us.”

(DATING.)

bless her and bless him too

“Being in a relationship takes actual effort to be successful,” he said. “Not just talking, but listening, being honest, respecting each other, and compromise, you know, those kinds of things. That’s why people say make sure to marry your best friend because once the honeymoon is over? Nothing will save you if the foundation is shitty. But us? Me and you? We don’t have anything to worry about. We got this.”

“Okay.” She breathed. “Okay. I think that’s it.”

“It?”

“Yes. Yeah.” She kissed him.

It wasn’t the Perfect Thing, but it was real and honest and damn it, she’d take that any day.

THAT’S IT!!!!!

HTIS BOOK IS SO GOOD EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THIS ABOUT ROMANCE

okay and also there is an EPILOGUE:

SHE’S SURPRISING HIM FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY sdfkljs

“We’re still doing this every month? I thought six was the big one for you?”

“Yes, until we hit one year, and then I’ll stop being quite so extra. Not a lot though. Just a little. No promises.”

It had been seven glorious months.

(SEVEN.)

SIX IS THE BIG ONE FOR HER AND THEY MADE IT SEVEN!!!!

Getting Feenie and Takumi in the same room had taken weeks of machinations and failed attempts. Everything had finally come together on Thanksgiving. Takumi had volunteered to cook, Feenie refused to acknowledge his presence, but right before grabbing a third helping of his macaroni and cheese, she had looked at him, and said, “You hurt Alice, I hurt you. Are we clear? And pass the cranberry sauce. Please.”

(Alice had nearly fainted when she got her wedding invitation. It had been addressed to her and Takumi.)

i’ll allow feenie to be the good egg again

awww and her mom called and things are getting back to normal with them too, takumi’s even gonna meet them!

and then the v last lines:

“I know you make me happy,” he said, seconds away from falling asleep. “I know you love me.”

“I know you love me, too.”

and that’s that

overall review: i fuckin...love this book...it cuts you right to the core and doesn't mess around and the characters are so real and layered and imperfect and messy, and i can’t believe this is this author’s debut novel, like Damn. it is so good, and she is so brave for putting it all out there like that. best book ever 9.5/10 (half a point off for making me think about supernatural, but otherwise: perfect.)

[odogaronfang]

Do you have any Four Swords headcanons you want to share?

oh boy uhhhhhh i’ll write some ones i can come up with off the top of my head, maybe i’ll add more on or reblog a prompts post if you want more. i’ll warn you now, i’m heavily biased towards vio.

[disclaimer: my friends and i swap hcs all the time so some of these are kinda assimilated from them, @christen (eyes emoji)]

heres a readmore since it ended at 900 words

-green has social anxiety. like, bad. ironic, isn’t it, but them’s the breaks.

-vio is an extremely good actor. evidence: he managed to fool shadow into thinking he’d really turned to his side, and convinced his literal selves that he’d betrayed them.

-he’s also a good at picking people’s pockets. shh.

-if there’s an occasion where public speaking is required, red and vio tag-team it. vio’s good at structuring it, providing evidence and such as needed, and red can add the persuasion and lighten the atmosphere enough to get pretty much any audience receptive. in a modern au, they KILL at debate tournaments. duo interpretation? they’re the kings, baby.

-vio and blue are huge gossips. like, vio’s the type of unassuming quiet person that people won’t mind talking shit near, they figure he’ll keep to himself and not listen. that is WILDLY incorrect. he knows what everyone’s done and said now. there’s dirt on everyone and he without fail goes and shares with blue and sometimes red, if he’s there. nothing is sacred.

-this one @rainbowfunnk convinced me of, but the reason blue does that wink thing so much is because he gets that stress-induced eye twitch, and squinting makes it go away, at least temporary. i get it too sometimes and it makes perfect sense, tbh.

-red is immune to changes in temperature. like, -3 degrees? nice, he’ll be out in shorts. 102 degrees? nice, he’ll still be out in shorts. it can be attributed somewhat to the partial nerve damage the elemental rod caused him- he wasn’t ever trained in handling the flow of magic, and while he did extremely well it was at the cost of his health. it isn’t always very severe, but it’s omnipresent and really makes him upset sometimes. but he just has to kinda chalk it up to “life isn’t fair”.

-contrary to the popular fandom hc, vio curses. a lot. not usually in front of other people (or if he does it’s very quiet, muttered under his breath). but he can rival blue and even shadow in swearing if he’s really in that kind of mood. thing is, most of time time it’s in Old Hylian, so no one really knows what he’s saying. but he’s gone off on shadow on a few memorable occasions, once was even in regular Hylian, and it’s one of the funniest things that’s ever happened. it’d probably be a copypasta to them if such a thing existed in their world.

-shadow is an angry crier and he hates it. he was never taught how to properly manage his emotions (since y’know, unbridled rage = good thing for vaati) so his coping mechanisms are a) cry, b) punch, c) both a & b

-post-manga, shadow’s magic is significantly weaker, as his source of it is unreliable at best. with the mirror shattered and ganon sealed from hyrule, the bits of dark energy he can use are few and far between and never guaranteed, so he has to learn a whole new fighting style just to keep up with the links. he does have a gift for setting traps, though.

-red is EXTREMELY vindictive. you do something to him or someone he cares about, he’s going to remember it forever, regardless of whether he decides to forgive you. that being said, he’s very slow to fully accept and forgive shadow. after all that he did, to them and their friends and their land, he’s hard-pressed to just let it go. he tolerates him, helps where he needs to and acts as a guide to help in his ‘rehabilitation’ as it were, but the entire time he’s passive-aggressive and not the happiest.

-if anyone should be leading the links, it should be red and vio, tbh. vio would be just fine leading by himself, but red needs to act as his moral compass. sometimes vio’s mind just kinda “efficiency > morality” and red has to keep that in check. that, and red has to slow him down sometimes. vio is of a very “get it done and get it done NOW” mindset and kind of forgets that people need to, y’know, sleep and eat and do things other than work.

-vio and blue are both driven to a fault. they both need to be reminded to take breaks from whatever it is they’re working on, and end up kind of checking each other; say blue takes a break from what he’s doing, he’ll go up and drag vio away from his stuff even if he has to go dragged by his ankles. there’s always a little bickering involved but they thank each other later.

-one of green’s worst fears is being lost. it started with the whole separation at the waterfall and the culmination was in the pyramid. he takes maps and directions wherever he goes because he just can’t risk it. it isn’t so bad if he’s with some other people, because that way at least they’re all lost together, but if he’s alone with no clue where he is you can bet that’s a one way express ticket to a full-scale panic attack.

[greedler]

Our copypastas

i cant believe that @fashion police just vored a bug

🎩💰🎩💰🎩💰🎩💰🎩💰 good shit go౦ԁ sHit 🎩thats 💚 some good🎩🎩shit right🎩🎩there🎩🎩🎩 right💚there 💚💚if i do ƽaү so my self 🤑 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ🤑 🎩🎩 🎩НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ🎩 🎩 🎩🎩 🤑 🎩💰💰 💰🎩🎩Good shit

Boy, do I love truffula trees. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll chop down a tree and rub the leaves in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The softness, texture, and warmth. Yum

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Hello, everybody. Thanks for coming. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I'd like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you're about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there's more to this story than what's on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let's see. Buzz. Buzz. In Thneedville, it's a brand new dawn With brand new cars and houses and lawns Here in Got-all-that-we-need-ville In Thneedville, we manufacture our trees Each one is made in factories And uses 96 batteries In Thneedville, the air's not so clean So we buy it fresh It comes out this machine! In Satisfaction's- guaranteed-ville In Thneedville, we don't want to know Where the smog and trash and chemicals go I just went swimming, and now I glow In Thneedville, we have fun year round We surf and snowboard right in town We thank the Lord for all we've got Including this brand new parking lot! Parking lot! Oh, look, it's Aloysius O'Hare Aloysius O'Hare The man who found a way to sell air And became a zillionaire Hip-hip-hooray! In Thneedville, we love living this way It's like living in paradise It's perfect! And that's how it will stay Oh, yeah! Here in Love-the-life-we-lead-ville Destined-to-succeed-ville We-are-all-agreed-ville We love it here in... Thneedville! Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you... Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say... I'm just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one... I'd probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. Ted, honey, don't play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there's any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It's the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don't even know what it does. What's its purpose? Look at what we've got. It's the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway... Let's just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The what? Mom, it's not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That's right, I forgot. I'm old and can't even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That's not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here's the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we're talking about now? Oh, he's real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That's the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. Hmm. Mr. O'Hare, what we've got for you is something that is going to take O'Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O'Hare, I know what you're thinking. One, " I've gotten rich selling people air that's "fresher than the stinky stuff outside. " Two, and here is the important one, "How can I possibly make even more money?" We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don't think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O'Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And... And what's more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, The more people will buy. See, that's why he's the genius! It even rhymes! I'm aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I'm in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he's up to. Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the... Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they're all gone? It's because of me. Wait, what? It's because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool. You're darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home. Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I'm actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn't surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, "Burn!" But you will see, okay? I'm going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I'd had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise. Oh! We're going to be there soon, I'm sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah This is it This is the place These Truffula trees are just what I need Gonna chop one down and make my Thneed But first... Now you! That's great! So now our friendship can begin Hand in hand, and wing and fin There's nothing you and I can't do So let's all make my dreams come true Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that's awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys... Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh... No. Who did it? What's that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I'm the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you're telling me, you just didn't see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that's not how it works. Okay. Um... Didn't really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I've got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy... How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I'm going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you... Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What's your deal, man? Time for you to go, Beanpole! Pull them right out. Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature's innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That's it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I'm going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you're not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn't listen to his warning. And you won't believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don't make me come back! I guess you don't really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just... Nah! You don't have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It's all right. It's okay, I'll come back. It's no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I'll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot. I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps... This? Ted, you didn't. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You're kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just... I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I'll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I'll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're not going anywhere, young man. It's Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we're all playing board games! But... Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I'll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O'Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What's that all about? Oh. Um... Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there's not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don't know about. Here's the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don't even know what you're talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don't go poking around in things you don't understand or I'll be your worst nightmare. I'm Frankenstein's head on a spider's body! Yeah, um... Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I'm just going to... Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can't think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Ever. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You're already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn't. I'm just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It's a girl, isn't it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it's usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She's a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I'm going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? Now that's a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that... Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn't have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can't swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I'm coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that's bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What's happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it's coming up fast! Whoo! We're in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it's not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait... On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh... About that... Actually... I put your bed in the water. I didn't mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you're chopping them down! So, we've got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I'm going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I've got a big day tomorrow so I'm going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. Ow! Okay, what are you... Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. "No harm done"? "No harm done"? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just... In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don't even have a mustache. Okay, that's it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn't chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I'm starving. What's for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that... "Garbage"? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It's a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there's more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You're bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I'm gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people... Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn't sell it the first day. The Thneed is good The Thneed is great... Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally... That's it! You know what? I'm done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where's your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn't sell it. Turns out, it's ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we'll deal you in. What are we playing? I'm playing poker. He's playing Go Fish. And I think he's hungry. Oh. Pancake, the pancake Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What's going on? Oh, no. That's a lot of people. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need The Thneed is good The Thneed is great Let's hope we're not too late It's a super trendy hat It's a tightrope for an acrobat A net for catching butterflies A thing we use for exercise Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need Everybody needs a Thneed Oh, yeah! We're in business, baby! We need a Thneed Mom? Hey, it's me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We're going to be rich! What? I'm going to need all the help I can get. Don't worry. So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he's going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I'll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What's up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you're always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She's even prettier than... Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let's get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I'm so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I'm back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that's actually not a... Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There's my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn't amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you're all here, you all work for me, and that's cool. So, let's get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don't move an inch. Nobody's moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I'll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn't hit a woman. That's a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let's not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend... Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That's right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I'm going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay? Bigger? Yeah, this isn't some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It's going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. I mean, look at this. It's amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we've got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we're not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you're thinking. That would speed things up! But... No "but" s, Oncie. You're running a business now. You have to do what's best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to chop down a few trees. You've made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you're going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I'm sorry, but Mr. Once-ler's not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he'll see me. So... Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You're better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I'm not bad, I'm the good guy here. He just doesn't get it. Do you think I'm bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What's his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Well, there's a principle in nature Principle in nature That almost every creature knows Called survival of the fittest Survival of the fittest And check it, this is how it goes The animal that wins gotta scratch and fight And claw and bite and punch And the animal that doesn't Well, the animal that doesn't Winds up someone else's La-la-la-la lunch Munch, munch, munch, munch, munch I'm just sayin' How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? There's a principle in business Principle in business That everybody knows is sound It says the people with the money People with the money Make this ever-loving world go round So I'm biggering my company I'm biggering my factory I'm biggering my corporate sign Bigger, bigger! Everybody out there You take care of yours I'll take care of mine-mine-mine-mine-mine Shake that bottom line Let me hear you say Smogulous Smoke! Smogulous Smoke! Schloppity-Schlopp! Complain all you want It's never, ever, ever, ever gonna stop Stop! Come on, how bad can I possibly be? How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy How bad can I be? Just look at me petting this puppy How bad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity How bad can I be? How bad could I possibly be? Let's see! All the customers are buying And the money's multiplying And the PR people are lying And the lawyers are denying Who cares if a few trees are dying? This is all so gratifying! How bad? How bad can this possibly be? So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you've got a problem with what I'm doing, why haven't you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that's not how it works. Right, I forgot. You're a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that's it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention's going to be. Yeah, I wonder... Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don't want any trouble. And you won't get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can't live here anymore. So, I'm sending them off. Hopefully, they'll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin... Hey, Pipsqueak... Hey... So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I've sat here regretting everything I've done, staring at that word, "unless," and wondering what it meant. But now I'm thinking... Well, maybe you're the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become. That's not just a seed, any more than you're just a boy. I won't let you down. I know. Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but... My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we're going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have... Ted? Mom, I'm busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O'Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh... Hi. Isn't he clever, Mr. O'Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I'll stay here and talk. Sure, why don't you go ahead and adopt him? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I'll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let's put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I'm sorry... I don't know what you're talking about. Really? Well, then... I guess you wouldn't mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can't go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can't come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn't involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don't care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what's going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where's Grammy? It's alive! I remember you. Ted, what... Audrey! Hey, did you want to... Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It's about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that... Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you're going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don't have time for that. I don't know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let's just go. Let's go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I'm going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won't get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You're fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O... Ted... This is not good. How's it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that's right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the... Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don't have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It's Mr. O... Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There's no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy... Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O'Hare's head! What do you think you're doing, kid? Um, I'm looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks... The last thing you want around here is trees. They're filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you're really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It's called photosynthesis. Come on. She's making that up! That's a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don't need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who's with me? Come on! O'Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you're going? Come on, let's go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you're going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren't perfect here in Thneedville. And they're only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you're fired! Go on, tell them what you think. You don't know me, but my name's Cy I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy But it seems like trees might be worth a try So I say let it grow My name is Dan And my name's Rose Our son Wesley kind of glows And that's not good, so we suppose We should let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow My name's Marie, and I am three! I would really like to see a tree I say let it grow I'm Grammy Norma I'm old, and I've got gray hair But I remember when trees were everywhere And no one had to pay for air So I say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow Like it did so long ago It is just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to change the life we lead Time to let it grow My name's O'Hare, I'm one of you I live here in Thneedville, too The things you say just might be true It could be time to start anew And maybe change my point of view Nah! I say let it die! Let it die, let it die Let it shrivel up and... Come on, who's with me? Nobody. You greedy dirt-bag! Let it grow, let it grow Let the love inside you show Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow It's just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to banish all your greed Imagine Thneedville flowered and treed Let this be our solemn creed Thank you, Ted. We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache.

[tandem85]

Survey...thing

Okay so this is gonna be a bit weird. I came across this copypasta survey thing and thought it looked interesting judging by the first question. Had no clue of it's true length and I've been just kinda rambling on for close to 2 hours now. This tumblr has possibly the lowest traffic in recorded history, so I shouldn't have to worry about too many eyes stumbling across this. At least I hope. Eh, oh well, whatever, here it is.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 3. - Good machines don't guarantee success, though, as RCA and Xerox and others had discovered. (The Soul of A New Machine, Tracy Kidder)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch? - The wall and pillows.

3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing? - Browsing the internet after pulling an all-nighter due to insomnia and painful recollections of past mistakes.

4. What is the last thing you watched on TV? - 'The West Wing' on Netflix

5. Without looking, guess what time it is: - Eight fucking A.M.

6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? - 8:03 AM. End me.

7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? - A desk fan and the faint sound of traffic

8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? - A few days ago, to pick up an old iMac off Craigslist

9. Did you dream last night? - No.

10. Do you remember your dreams? - On average, no. Sometimes a decent one lingers, though.

11. When did you last laugh? - I honestly have no idea.

12. Do you remember why / at what? - Not at all. Probably just a passing chuckle at something I read somewhere.

13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? - Various posters, most either from Club Nintendo or Nintendo Power, along with a few more obscure ones.

14. Seen anything weird lately? - Plenty.

15. What is the last film you saw? - All the way through? I, uh, honestly couldn't say...I have a habit of just watching bits and bobs of films I like over and over again, usually to just take in detail or just to confirm a stray thought or something. If that's the case, then Star Wars w/the theatrical mono track. If an *entire* film, then probably Aliens a month or so back.

16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? - Small suburban town a few miles out from some city in some state, preferably more northern than where I am now. Countryside of Oregon seems nice.

17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? - Probably just save it all and try to coast on it for the rest of my life.

18. Tell me something about you that most people don’t know. - the fuck is this copypasta quiz? Er, well, nobody really *knows* me so just any facet of trivia about my life would do, I guess. I'm really, *really* obsessed with EPCOT even though I've never been and I haven't even visited Disney World since 2002. I genuinely have a copy of every pavilion and attraction's soundtrack from Future World burned to CDs sitting in my car right now, and if I had to pick favorites, Horizons and Communicore get the most play time.

19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? - Give everyone some common sense and a better sense of care towards others. That would ((hopefully)) end a majority of conflict out there.

20. Do you like to dance? - Not really. Haven't danced since my sister's wedding back in '09. Yep, even missed prom, not that I really care.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad? - Maybe if it's like Japan or somewhere with similar power standards...I couldn't make it a month in Europe and it's 240v mains standard. My life hinges too much on tech.

22. Does your name make any interesting anagrams? - Never really thought of it. Probably not.

23. Who made the last incoming call on your phone? - ...my mother, a few days ago. I only have my immediate family's numbers saved. Not like anyone would ever really want to call me.

24. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? - Some shitty (what I presume) in-ride recording of Horizons I wanted to play around with in an audio editor to get a decent loop or two out of...before I realized YouTube had better resources for that.

25. Last time you swam in a pool? - Years. I used to love swimming all the time when I was younger (weather permitting; my skin goes from moonlight pale to lobster red faster than it takes to boil an egg on the sun). Heck, I don't think I still have any trunks that fit anymore...

26. Type of music you like most? - Normally I'd say 70s/80s rock/pop, but I haven't listened to much outside of, er, soundtracks the past few months.

27. Type of music you dislike most? - Either country or EDM/dubstep/whatever. I can't stand singers in country, it's so painfully obvious they're forcing their voices to have this bogus accent, and dubstep/electro whatever is just screeching garbage that sounds worse than playing a data cassette through a walkman. 

28. Are you listening to music right now? - No, I was trying to go to sleep earlier, now I'm just laying with a laptop sitting 2 feet from my face listening to the fan whir.

29. What color is your bedroom carpet? - Beige

30. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do? - Expand the floorspace somehow. If where was an extra bedroom, a lot of storage problems would be solved. (lot of books and furniture. Takes up a lot of space.)

31. What was the last thing you bought? - iMac G3 off craigslist.

32. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? - nope

33. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? - I tried zip-lining once. Nearly broke my hands and fell 30+ feet into a ~40 degree lake. High-flying stunts ain't my thing.

34. Do you have a garden? - No, but I (as in my family) used to years ago. It was nice.

35. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? - Yes, thanks 4kids /s

36. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? - why am I still here

37. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? - Steve Wozniak, but my brain's so fried from exhaustion so often I'd probably royally fuck that lunch up.

38. Who sent the last text message you received? - My sister a few days ago. By mistake. Wrong "Andrew".

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? - If I had one and if I was stupid enough to max one out, definitely 100% my local game store, The Video Game Cavern.

40. What time is bed time? - My life is in such shambles that a bed time isn't even a functioning concept in my life. It's whenever I pass out.

41. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? - I'm a guy, so, no.

42. How many tattoos do you have? - None. I'm a total square.

43. If you don’t have any, have you ever thought of getting one? - Nah. Being broke + being a bear = never even a passing thought.

44. What did you do for your last birthday? - Nothing iirc. Had classes (then), didn't have that fancy a dinner, and just crashed that night.

45. Do you carry a donor card? - Can't be due to [insert some crap about bad bloodline]

46. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? - Ha. Ha. ha...

47. Is the glass half empty or half full? - depends on how the water got into the cup.

48. What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been? - Ohio. eh

49. When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? - Not a fan of tomatoes. I think my dad still grows some during the summer (not a full garden, just like 3 veggie plants he tends in the flower beds)

50. Have you ever won a trophy? - Not really

51. Are you a good cook? - Well I haven't burned anything or cut myself yet so maybe.

52. Do you know how to pump your own gas? - Yes

53. If you could meet any one person whose deceased, who would it be? - You know, I never really thought about something like this. Honestly, not as much 'meet' but more of just have a good long talk with, my grandfather. He passed when I was 8, so I never got to really *know* him that well. I've learned more about him from his service papers than being around him a lot when I was young. So yeah, that.

54. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? - Lol yep in middle school, uniform and enforced dress code. Everyone hated it back then, however since it was a small school in a massive district I never kept up with anyone afterwards so I can't speak for them, but I actually adopted practices from that dress code. Belt and polo not so much, but always wearing a nice shirt and keeping it tucked in, yeah. I've dressed that way every single day since then.

55. Do you touch-type? - Yep, but I'm weird and don't use the normal home-row hand layout thing. I can type proficiently, it just looks sloppy af

56. What’s under your bed? - A lot of junk. Binder of Gen 1 Pokemon cards, a case of cassettes, stack of old model railroading magazines, old busted up laptop, some blank paper.

57. Do you believe in love at first sight? - HA. Ha. ha......

58. Think fast, what do you like right now? - warmth. seriously, it's cold and my blanket is doing nothing.

59. Where were you on Valentine’s day? - Home, all day, doing pretty much nothing. just a typical day.

60. Life motto: - I don't really have a motto but if I want to be sappy I'd just lift the one from Horizons: "If we can dream it, we can do it" but I have no dreams and I literally do nothing

61. What was the name of your first pet? - I named all my fish once, but I was 5, so I'll just skip to my first cat. 'Whiskers'. Very imaginative.

62. Do you like to go camping? - Yes. I miss it. My sister and brother-in-law used to take me camping all the time years ago...but they've since settled down, had kids, and haven't done anything like that in a while. Meanwhile I'm broke, have no gear, no friends or anything like that so I can't do jack shit about camping.

63. Is there anything going on this weekend? - Not really. Just working on that iMac I keep mentioning

64. Do you have any nicknames? - Not really. Only thing that could vaguely qualify is 'swiss', the first word of my normal username everywhere else. Which is ironic since I'm 100% not Swiss.

65. Who is your favorite musician/band? - Genesis, Collins era. aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I've just earned myself a beating.

66. What time do you get up in the morning? - I STILL HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT YET

67. Do you wear pajamas when you sleep? - usually. just a t-shirt and pj bottoms.

68. What is the first thing people notice about you? - dunno. don't really interact with enough people to notice anything

69. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema? - err, probably Ghostbusters. The original, not the new one. They re-released it briefly in promotion of the new one. Fucking loved the new transfer and audio mix, blew the earlier (2014 30th anniversary edition screening) out of the water.

70. Do you sing in the shower? - Nah, I prefer the sound of running water

71. What do you do most when you are bored? - browse the internet, die a little on the inside. whatever's left, at least

72. What do you do for a living? - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

73. Do you love your job? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

74. Which came first the chicken or the egg? - the egg because evolutilkjoirwjga;slkdfja;lkgja;eruhmynf;djva;n

75. How many keys on your key ring? - 3

76. Are you close with your parents? - physically too close, emotionally, further than the moons around jupiter. though that can be said about many things.

77. What kind of car do you drive? - Pontiac Grand Prix. Jumped through freaking hoops the past half a year just to be able to drive it since the damn title was stuck in limbo since March 2016. Just got the tag for it a week ago.

78. What are your best physical features? - people comment on my hair and eyes a lot so those, I guess

79. What are your best characteristics? - oh god. Well, guess you can say I'm determined. Like how I keep on with this survey even though I only thought it was like 20 questions long, not 100 or so. Also you could probably punch me in the face and I'd be the one apologizing.

80. What was the name of your favorite teacher? - Ms. Hamm

81. Where did you grow up? - At this point I've spent most of my life in this hell hole, so Greenville, SC. wait, fuck

82. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? - err somewhere around 300 to 400 miles. Essentially really just one state away.

83. Can you do any impressions? - I've perfected an impression of a sad sack of shit living in emotional isolation stuck in a permanent state of panic

84. Are you a morning person or a night owl? - Night owl by far

85. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? - No, ew

86. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows? - kinda, yeah

87. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? - I couldn't be more of introvert if I lived in a literal hole in the ground

88. What is your best childhood memory? - driving a golf cart up a tree. Don't ask me how, but I somehow managed that when I was like 6. And by tree I mean massive pine. And by up it I literally mean the thing was hanging 5 feet off the ground on a branch.

89. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life? - (Re: 72, 73)

90. Do you light candles where you live? - yeah, I enjoy LIGHT scented ones. In open rooms. Strong candles are migraine invoking pieces of shit

91. What was your favorite toy growing up? - wooden Thomas the Tank Engine

92. Do you play any musical instruments? - I am a defect in my familial lineage

93. Have you ever been involved in a crime? - I'm a goodie-two-shoes meh-fest, only thing I've ever stolen is a pencil off a teacher's desk and even that was an accident

94. Do you have long or short hair? - too long for my taste, but it doesn't really look long at all. crazy curls.

95. Have you ever spread a secret to others someone asked you not to? - Never been given many secrets, but I've always kept them.

96. What is your favorite movie? - Oh jesus christ. I just have a slew of movies I enjoy above average, I'll be damned if I could ever properly rank them. In no particular order: Jurassic Park, Short Circuit, Blade Runner, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and Star Trek: The Motion Picture

97. Are you getting tired answering all these questions? - I'm already tired. This was supposed to be more amusing than anything, but it's actually felt good to just let my mind flow into the keys and out into this notepad file.

98. Last question.  Without looking can you remember what the first question was? - Something about lines in a book. It's what hooked my into doing this whole thing.

Wait, seriously, only 98 questions? Thought this thing would've rounded off too 100, then again, I thought it wouldn't be longer than 20 when I started and have just kinda been dragged through this whole thing. Well, it did feel kinda nice I guess. I'm debating if I should post this or not....eh, screw it, I'll throw it on my tandem tumblr. (Which it's short for TAND-EM, I was a retard and got the Tandy emulator confused for DeskMate, the proprietary Tandy OS shell. Nothing to do with bikes, but I guess the latin [at length] humorously applies as well.) I should probably write a header for this...oh, regarding the time questions, that was genuinely the time as of answering those questions. It's currently 9:46 AM. That's how long I've been at this. This...can't be healthy...

[csgnewstuff]

Cabro's legacy - Various

Doom 2 - Single Player - ZDoom Compatible - 16.5 MB

Disclaimer: I know none of the mappers in this compilation, so there's no way I could be going into this with bias. So, remember that before you slam the reply button. Thanks! Cabro's Legacy is a compilation of 15 years of Spanish Doom maps, a "commemorative megawad". That's 2000 to 2015. Fifteen years of Doom maps! Whee! Not only will this be fun to play, but fun to analyze, as we go from Y2K to last year. Within those fifteen years lies a lot of weird mapping fads and trends, some good, some just terribly embarrassing... and we all know what I'm talking about. Yep, those maps. Mmhm. The ones you liked but can't believe you did in the present day. Don't worry, I was exactly the same. Cabro's mapping tournaments, if I'm going by the text file only, was a contest in La Página de Cabro. From what I see, the contest had these rules: Limit-removing maps with custom music and sky. That's it. Participants had to use only stock textures. All maps must be playable in their own right, which means all maps shall be pistol started in this compilation. Thanks to ZDoom, this mapset has a portal map! Lots of games like to do this portal/painting thing these days, eh? Anyway, the mighty ZDoom ensures that you start each level with only the pistol, and when you complete a level, you're sent back to the portal map. Fair enough. The navigation of the portal map is a little disorienting - it took me way longer than it should to find the second portal room! I'm going to warn you now: This journey is going to be long, tedious, and near the end, you'll be begging for mercy. Sorry, you started reading this review, not me! You think I'd read a review this long? Fat chance! So anyway, here are the trends I could make out. Let's see if they match the Doom community as a whole! I (2000). The first contest. Only one map is playable, and it suffers from Wolfenstein Syndrome. There are some details here and there, but this is otherwise a very clean map. The other maps weren't included. II (2001). Still hallways, but rounded corners in places. Mappers are starting to branch out a bit, use some open areas, but still, hallways. Was this the year that everyone decided to copy The Darkening? Details all in the walls that serve no purpose, and crates, because CRATES. III (2002). Not as boxy, but the sense of scale has increased dramatically. Feeling small? Some rooms are ridiculously huge, beyond Run Buddy proportions, into Equinox territory. Still, nothing that'll knock your frame rate down a peg. This is 2002 after all. IV (2003): I think 2003 started like this: "Hey, y'all know this newfangled thing called 'detail'? I think we should take a look into it. Naw, you just spam the hell out of 1S lines because a clean room just ain't cool enough." I blame Caverns of Darkness, personally. Also, why did detail start to mean "smaller" ? Thankfully one map decided to pull this stunt; the others still did last year's "huge" trope, which is refreshing for a change. I'm starting to see midtex abuse, though - I know what's coming and I don't like it. Gameplay is about to take a back seat, isn't it? V (2005): OOOH MAIII GAAWWD DDDDEEEETTTTAAAAIIILLL! HNGGGH! *various ape noises* Yes, this is the year everyone went full potato with linedefs. Do I blame PA:R? All I know is that this is when my computer started to sweat, and my framerate started to dip. And nowhere to move, because not only are we detailing everything, we're playing with the proportions of a model train set. Spam those midtextures, ya bastards! Do a line of cocaine off a UAC crate! These maps aren't flowing well, and are artificially difficult with copypasta syndrome creeping in. There is no way to dodge attacks in cramped quarters, especially hitscanners! VI (2006): I will not rest until every map unit has something different in it. I will fractal the fuck out of this map, because detail, in the holy name of detail. Inject the midtextures, borders, and flat detailing directly into my bloodstream please. Pseudo-slopes! Tanking framerates! Gradient lighting! I got stuck in DETAIL SECTORS. What the Chri-OH GOD THE MONSTER COUNT WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE HORDES? Forty imps in a room that otherwise serves no purpose other than to connect two hallways that are also filled with imps...because why the hell not? Who needs gameplay? My map looks c00l d00d! Surely there's a good map somewhere? These have not aged well at all. And I know why, because the entire Doom community was infected with this. Gameplay is locked in the trunk, and we're cruising down Detail Boulevard. No brakes! VII(2007): ? *Throws down controller* Ya know what? I'm not even going to play these. I've had enough of the unfair difficulty. It's total bullshit that there are no skill levels, either. I can't see much of anything in one of the maps anyway, so hooray, mapper, I'm not playing that garbage! Another map is just very basic techbase, but still copypasta heavy. And then there's this slaughtermap - nope! What the hell is going on here? We started off with some decent maps, but as I step through the years, it's like, what drugs were we on? I cannot be the only one that sees how lazy these maps are. Yeah, visually impressive, I guess, but I'm not enjoying any of these - this is the No Fun Zone. And the slaughtermap is just so flat, so bland, so boring. VIII (2008): First map, and of course, a horde of revenants just punched my face in. I can see this being fun with an overpowered weapons mod, but as it stands it's just a boring KABLOOM-click-clock-clack SSG spamfest after the arch-vile scare. Yes, it's beatable, but I could only beat this one after savescumming the ever-loving crap out of it. Avoid, avoid. Okay, next ma--nooooooo we're back in detail land! PLEASE STOP! Oh, and even better, you can exit this map in two seconds, because the exit switch is right at the start of the map! This map looks really, really bad. The lighting in the complex is way too bright. I can't see anything in one room due to midtexture grate spam, everything is grey. That is an accomplishment, being so terrible. Oh, and hitscanners everywhere, because that's always good, innit? The last map is everything wrong with the uber-detail fad. This is total shit. Some sort of "city" map: the outside is so dark, nothing is really visible, and the buildings are so packed with little details that it looks downright comical. I'm not bashing these maps because I have any personal beefs with anyone, I'm being totally honest here - this map, and every one of these detail fad maps for that matter, are absolutely terrible. They look gaudy, the gameplay is either boring easy or frustratingly hard, and oh, of course I had to get stuck somewhere, it never fails with these maps! I got stuck in the hell section, on some "detail" rocks, and had to noclip out. IX (2010): ? BOO!!!!111 Yaaaay, we're now using the jumpscare technique! Nothing like going through a cave only to trigger something that causes two hell knights to pop up out of the floor instantly! Well, until you've overused it. And my poor framerate in the cave map! It looks pretty, though, and it's tough! It's not copypasta hordes either! I really like the cave/forest map. But that jumpscare abuse got old. I bound MDK to a key because I just can't be arsed fighting insta-monsters one after the other like that. Especially in this map where there isn't a lot of ammo. As for the rest, looks like we're hitting that era of "Try something simple for a change". Still, this was also the era of slaughtermaps - and expect an ass kicking. Some copypasta here and there, but at least it's something besides the super-cramped nonsense. This is not bad! Of course I could be totally wrong, and these suck, but in comparison to the previous few sets, this is really different, and I'll take that. Now let's pick these apart - some don't have difficulty settings. In fact, I've been meaning to bring that up - some of these maps so far have no difficulty settings whatsoever - ITYTD can be almost as hard as UV - and the only saving grace is that ammo is doubled and damage to the player is reduced. I guess in a community that only plays UV these days anyway, the other skill levels aren't even used. Boo! I use different levels all the time! It depends on how much I'm willing to use my brain at the time. X (2011): What. The. Fuck. We have entered the "what is this I don't even" zone. First map is a circle.. thing? It's kinda hard. Weird, but it wasn't the boxy junk from a few entries back. Second map is some kind of story-based map. The detail in this map is over the top, but at least all the detail looks like it's something in real life - computers, beds, tables, TVs, that kind of thing. Lost souls coming out of nowhere scared the piss out of me. And then there's this absurd hell map that is actually pretty cool. Got my ass thoroughly kicked, but someone is trying something different and that's more than I can say for previous entries. I can't hate these. Play 'em. There's one of these maps that feels like it belongs in the next category, so I'm going to hold my tongue on that one until a few lines down... XI (2012): MY MAP'S BIGGER THAN YOURS! Switch hunts. Everywhere. Ugh. NO. It's taking dozens of seconds sometimes to load these maps. What on this earth is taking that long to load? These are rapidly becoming unfun by how much time it takes to complete them. I'm not here to read 1,000 page novels, this is friggin' Doom! Why make an entire episode in one map? Is something fun not good enough anymore? Honestly at this point I'm not even really playing these. I don't have a month to play this, I don't have a week to play this. This is absurd. Make your own decisions on this one, but as for me, they've turned Doom into a chore, and when you do that, you FAIL. This doesn't bode well for the rest, does it? XII (2013): MORE *excessive swearing cut* NOVELS! Yes, your map is pretty. Yes, it took three minutes to load. Do I know if it plays well? Hell if I know, because my framerate dipped to 486 levels just trying to play the goddamned thing. This mapping contest has become the equivalent of Roman gods quarreling, each one of them trying to outdo the other in some ridiculous, hilarious fashion. It's becoming comical now. Whatever happened to making a map? It doesn't have to be a LITERAL MAP! There was one entry that didn't tank the FPS, and that was really mazey, so I'm not sure if I liked that one either. My head is beginning to hurt. NEXT! XIII (2014): Okie dokie, we're going absurdist now? Not sure what happened here! Still, maps far too damn long to enjoy casually, or even seriously, what the heck! At least level designs are cleaner, here. We're still switch hunting and maze-navigating though! Is anyone still playtesting these? Is anyone still reading this? Banana? Banana! I'm really sleep deprived, now. Starting to see things, and I'm not sure if it's me or the maps. And of course one of them is the size of Alaska, because that's the only language some of these contestants speak now. Are we almost done yet? XIV (2015)...Heh. So this is it? A city map that's somewhat playable, and a techbase map that doesn't suck? Cool, cool, what's the last map? A Sl.. sl..slaughtermap... *faints* So, to recap: we went from simple, fun maps, to detail-fests, to supergiant maps that take minutes to load and days to beat. What did we learn from all this? That the community has a lot of talent, and some of that talent might be going a little too far and trying a little too hard (read: way too hard) to prove itself. I have no idea why the contest entries went from short, fun romps to Greek epics, but I can't imagine being the judge, having to sit through dozens of entries, each trying to be megabiglargehuge, because the entrants are desperately trying to impress the judges. it's just not impressive if every single map entry tries to do this garbage. The larger the map, the less likely the gameplay is going to be tuned to anything sensible, unless there are teams of mappers looking at this stuff, and I doubt that was the case. There's no way to test this all the way through, multiple times, by yourself. My hands hurt, my eyes hurt, my ears are shot from blasting Ween all day and night playing this map over the Labor Day weekend. I don't even know if I played all these fairly; I may have cheated a bit to speed things up, but at this point it would take a team of reviewers to tackle this one and give each map a thorough assessment. I have given each an honest try (with the resurrect command bound to a key) and the majority of these maps are just too friggin' big. In conclusion, Cabro's Legacy is a set of forty-two maps trying to justify their existence, with many of them slipping and falling flat on their faces. Where did this go wrong? A better question is, "When did it ever go right?" Answer: Rarely. Maps taking minutes to load didn't help, either. Play if you dare.

http://www.doomworld.com/idgames/?id=18402