#does anyone else get sleep paralysis after nightmares?

[cupophrogs]

Does drew ever see pops or dogday having nightmares or the other way around. How do they help them

“We all do, on account of all the trauma, but we’ve got a bit of a system. Dogday is usually fine so long as he’s sleeping close to somebody, and physical touch usually takes his mind off a nightmare fast. Pops’ll wake up screaming sometimes, but a little bit of music or a small game calms him down; something to focus on. As for me, well…”

“By the time I remember where I am, I’m already distracting myself. And once the others are awake, I’ve forgotten. I don’t mean to hide it, but it just slips my mind. Besides, we have other things to worry about, like Catnap’s gangly ass.”

[rainrot4me]

Jeff the Killer General Headcannons

Summary: Basic, SFW, and NSFW head-cannons. My personal thoughts, feelings, and opinions about Jeff as a character.

TW: NSFW below the cut, minors dni! Above the cut is sfw!

Words: 2.6k

Basic:

- Big isolation guy. He enjoys pestering people or hanging out, but when it comes to personal things like missions or killing sprees, he prefers to be alone. His head’s already loud enough that he doesn’t need to add to it when he’s trying to focus.

- Blunt. Like to the point it’s a drag to even talk to him sometimes. He doesn’t really give a shit about anyone or anything besides himself, so why would he need to hide what he actually wants to say?

- Dangerously short temper. It barely takes one nasty remark or even a hint that you have ill intent towards him before the killer is on your ass. Would rather beat the shit out of you than take the time to reconcile.

- A STARER. Has absolutely no remorse when just boring his eyes into someone, eyes wide and horrifying. He loves to watch every expression as he’s ending someone’s life, every bit of anger or fear, but especially the blank stare in their eyes afterward. You catch his glance all the time, and instead of looking away politely like a normal person would, he just smiles as he glares even harder.

- Loves story based video games that Ben shows him. Life is Strange, Night in the Woods, and What Remains of Edith Finch. Has to play them all in their entirety before he can do anything else, so he’ll be glued to the couch for days.

- Has a difficult time with names, so he comes up with nicknames or terms to make it easier. “Twitch” - Toby, “Sockets” - Jack, or “Glitch” - Ben. Don’t worry, he’ll give you one, too.

- A laugher. When he’s in pain, when he’s sad, when he’s happy, that man is laughing. Choked out dry heaving chuckles or tipsy short airheaded giggles, it doesn’t matter, he will be laughing.

- Terrible sleep paralysis and nightmares keep him up during the night, the most sleep this man will ever get is a little over 3 hours. It really doesn’t help his mood, either.

- The scars on his cheeks used to bleed and get infected so bad he could barely shut his mouth due to the swelling. He would numb it down with pain killers and anything he could find, but it wasn’t until Slender tried to make him into a proxy that they eventually sealed and scarred over, creating wide gashes (weird cryptid powers).

- Thinks about his brother every waking moment. He feels so much pent up regret and sadness concerning Liu, but refuses to search for him or even shed a tear. This sends him into mental breakdown episodes, and sadly, the only relief is just to create more carnage.

- Actually really hates violence unless he’s the one delivering it. Doesn’t like violent movies or music because they romanticize everything he hates about himself. Any media he enjoys is either really bland or really toned down, stuff that won’t trigger him.

- Cuts his own hair, and yes, he’s horrible at it.

- Messed up his appearance to make himself ‘beautiful’, but just ended up so disgusted and ashamed of himself in the long run. When his mental fog gets bad, he’ll just stand in front of the mirror and stare at himself, letting every negative thought wash over. Outside, he’ll brandish it like a weapon, something to get victims to submit. But on the inside, it’s just a nasty reminder.

- Showers only when it gets to the uncomfortable point. He doesn’t have the time or energy or wash himself every day, but when it gets to the point he feels the blood and grime subconsciously, he’ll get over it. Even if he does wash himself, half the time actually in the shower is just letting the water run over him and staring at the tile wall.

- Gets all of his money and random trinkets from victims. Proceeds to spend all that money almost immediately after on a pack of Blue Moons. No orange slice, either.

- Messy, disgusting room. Has no healthy habits of keeping him or his space tidy, so it’s always near disastrous.

- Even though the media and lots of outlets perceive him as this insane maniac killer, those were all big stories from his teenage years. Even though he doesn’t feel like he’s matured, he’s definitely found a happy medium away from spree after spree of slaughter. He still itches to take down a whole neighborhood, but he’s found his ways to cope.

- Very good at hand-to-hand combat. He wields a knife if things get a little rough, but prefers to use his hands to do the dirty work. Makes it feel more personal to him.

- Late-night kitchen demon. You’ll find him rummaging the fridge or making a bowl of cereal in the complete darkness, but he’ll swear up and down it wasn’t him.

- Annoying, painfully so. Hell wrack EJ’s ear off or pester Toby about little things, but he can’t help but get giddy when he sees he’s ticked them off just enough.

- Really agile. Had a thinner build, but muscle definition and tension really adds to the aesthetic. Really defined v-line and hips bones, as well as carved out shoulders and collarbones. Looks like a beefier skeleton, but hot.

- Lip piercings. Snake bites. They’re not healed and they’re not pretty, but he thinks they look badass.

- Scars and jagged pieces of flesh everywhere on his body. They’re either from mission aftermaths, rough targets, or his own doing, but they’re all gnarly and barely healed half of the time. They hurt terribly, but he’s constantly cracked out on painkillers that he doesn’t even care anymore.

- Enjoys the shoegaze music genre. Aldn, Wisp, Elita, Deftones, and surprisingly, The Cardigans and The Cranberries. They remind him of his childhood.

Dating Him/SFW:

- “Baby” “Babe” “Cunt”

- Big words of affirmation guy. He’ll act disgusted and shove you off, rolling his eyes about your sweet words- but in reality, he’s gushing so hard he can’t stand it. Reassurance makes him feel more loved than anything.

- The fastest ‘enemies or lovers’ troupe you’ll ever experience. It’ll only take one face-to-face argument before you both get too close and he’s pulling you in for a rough make out. He’s bad with emotions, what makes you think he wouldn't be bad at reading love/hate signals too.

- HATES to show any sign of weakness or adoration. If you’re laying with him or holding his hand, as soon as someone enters the room he’s shoving you off. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s a deep-rooted fear that someone will use you against him.

- If he’s spent the night in your bed, he will always be gone by the time you’ve woken up. Out of fear of vulnerability, he will only fall asleep after you and wake up before you, otherwise he just won’t stay with you at all.

- He’s like dealing with a little kid. Yes, he’s been through heaps of mental anguish and trauma, but he’s gone through all of that without a hand to hold. In some sad way, he sees something motherly and comforting in you which drives him to latch on and become dependent. It's weird, but so is he.

- Jealousy problems. Big time.

- “He touched you. So I cut his arm off. What is so hard to understand here?”

- Needs to be bossed around. He can and will rot in his bed all day unless you tell him to get up and do something.

- Absolutely melts when you kiss him unprovoked. When he doesn’t force you or tease you into one, but when you decide to kiss his face or hands on your own terms. It’s his favorite thing.

- In his manic brain, he wants something calm, someone who can settle him out. You offer him stability and a chance to unwind and that’s really all he needs.

- As a nervous response, he’ll intentionally push you away if he knows you like him. He holds a lot of regret, so he doesn’t want to drag you along with the rest of his baggage. Will say and do things he knows will hurt your feelings so you leave on your own.

- “And what made you think I’d want you? Because we kissed? Hah! How cute.” Meanwhile, he’s in his room pining himself to shreds.

- Watches you sleep constantly. Doesn’t matter where you are or how far, he will trek through your window or into your bed to watch you snore quietly against your pillow. He likes the vulnerability of it and acting as your ‘protector’, like you have no choice but to rely on him in this state.

- You are the last person Jeff wants to break down in front of, but when it eventually happens, and you’re there with open arms- the killer can barely breathe from how full his heart feels. The feeling of just being able to sob and bury into your shoulder while you rub his back is incomparable.

- Possessive AND protective to a fault. Wants everyone to know you’re his, but at the same time, really enjoys when you flaunt yourself so he can stare down the wandering eyes and really show them who they’d be messing with. Either way, eats it up when you feel good about yourself and safe in him.

- Nasty, terribly toxic relationship. You both bounce off of each other and are constantly arguing, but you both get over it because you’ve grown codependent. There’s nothing ‘casual’ about the two of you, you’re either fuck buddies or desperately clawing at each other for survival. Jeff is an obsessive guy, he either wants everything to do with you or he’ll hide away and tear himself apart over you.

- Jewelry is such a yes for him. If you’re wearing thick earrings or chunky necklaces that brighten your face, he eats it up. He’s such a sucker for silver.

- Does not ask for kisses, he takes them.

- “C’mon baby, I can’t help it. You’re just so fun to mess with.”

- Since he doesn’t sleep much, likes to lay on his back while your head rests on his chest/shoulder. He’ll tangle his fingers through your hair or brush your cheek with his thumb while he stares at you or the ceiling. Even when he has doubts about you loving him, your body always subconsciously shifts towards him while you’re snoozing, and it makes him feel just a little better.

- Fake punches/hits you when he’s bored. Will hold his hands up and box at your face but never making contact, just enough to have you side-eye him. He thinks it’s funny.

- Shoulder kisses.

Dating Him/NSFW:

- Can and will touch you inappropriately no matter the circumstances. His rough hands groping your ass or shoving between your thighs to give flirty little touches in front of everyone, his shit-eating grin when you get embarrassed.

- “Stop glaring, sweet cheeks. I know you want me.”

- Will fight to his dying day that he’s a top, but as soon as you even give him a glint of dominance or snap at him, he’s folding so fast. Dominant person, submissive lover.

- Killing machine on the field, pathetic ass bottom in bed. It takes forever to get to that point, but once he’s mentally checked out and half-drooling on the mattress, he’s so pliable and lightheaded he’ll take it with ease. You have to really work for it, but Jeff trusts you/wants it bad enough subconsciously that he’ll force himself to go into a subspace.

- All-time favorite position is laying you out on your back, one leg up on his shoulder while the other is being held down at your side. It really opens you up and gives the nastiest, most lewd noises that have him pussydrunk. Bonus points for reaching a hand in to choke you.

- “And to think you were beggin’ me to stop while your pussy is soaked. I mean, look at you, babe. You’re suckin’ me in somethin’ awful.”

- CHOKING. Either you or him, he gets off on it so bad. Choking you is so satisfying, he loves the resistance and struggle as you gasp for air, face flushed and eyes rolling with his fist around your throat. Meanwhile, if you’re choking him, his body nearly convulses from the pleasure. He loves the lightheadedness and pressure of it, hoarse chuckles as both of your hands grip around his neck and just squeeze. He thinks he could cum just from being strangled.

- “What’s wrong, baby? Lil’ too much? Ah- You’ll get over it, just open up f’me.”

- Hair pulling, strangling, biting, smacking—really anything that’ll cause pain.

- Standing side-by-side in the mirror, his body is littered with nasty cuts and scars while yours is littered with pretty bite marks and hickeys. He loves it.

- Eating you out is so tiring, but it’s all worth it to look up and see your heavy, glassed-over eyes beaming down at him, lips parted as you’re gasping.

- Hard, quick thrusts that have you gasping and yelping. His hips snap against yours rhythmically until you throw your head back, then he leans in close and shifts his knees closer to really speed up. He never has a set pace, but prefers always adjusting to whatever has you making the most noise.

- “C’mon… Louder- Hah- I’m not stoppin’ till you’re cryin’ for it.”

- A bitch fight every time you two get together. Bickering with the other about ‘who can last longer’ or ‘going until you beg for it’ and it irritates the shit out of both of you. Gets you both riled up that you’re more fighting than fucking, but by the end, you’re both dead exhausted and reduced to panting messed laid out on top of each other.

- Refuses to pull out. He can’t get you pregnant, Slender made sure of that (God help if this heathen was allowed to procreate), so it’s either in your cunt, ass, or mouth, nowhere else. Even if he’s jerking himself off, he’ll wait to cum until he can get to you and finish himself out.

- Stands over you and stares hard enough until you’re reduced to your knees, words never even leaving his lips before you’re unbuckling his belt and shifting his jeans down. He’s fought you enough, sometimes you like to just be good for him.

- Pulling him in by his belt >>>>>>>>>

- Eating you out or sucking you off so much that drool leaks from his scars, eyes so hazed and soft as he hums and moans against you.

- “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

- Fucked you with the handle of his knife because you read something about it in a book and wanted to see if it actually felt good. He was weirded out at first, but when he watched you jerking your hips and mumbling for him to fuck you, he’s never fucked his cock in faster while rubbing the blunt of the handle against your drooling clit. Same thing with running the blade against your skin. It just elicits some reaction out of you that he can’t understand, but it turns him on terribly.

- Has a big thing for cop x prisoner roleplay actually.

- “What? Officer, how am I supposed to finger you with these handcuffs, hm? I guess you’ll just have to let me go, yeah? Or do you not want it as bad as your pussy leads me to believe?”

- Really loves fingering you while he’s buried in your ass. Curling his fingers up to make you arch your back just a little more, having your head spinning from the overstimulation… yeah.

- A 2-3 round champion. He’ll never be able to just cum once and be satisfied, regardless if you’re ready to stop or not, he’s forcing his cock back into wherever it was or in a completely different hole and riding himself out to his next orgasm. If he’s not shaking and on the verge of passing out after sex, it wasn’t good enough for him.

- “Jeff, stop! We could get caught!” “Or you could just shut up and take your panties off. You’re soaked, there’s no point in fighting me when I’m already this hard… C’mon, baby, give me your hand or something…”

Thanks for reading!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated!

[collidescopeeyes]

Random Relationship Headcanons: Viego

- Wants to be near you literally all the time. Loves physical contact and will find any excuse to get it.

- He physically can't blush, which is a tragedy because otherwise you could see how flustered you make him :( you still catch him just staring at you with open adoration so it's ok though

- Gives you privacy if you ask for it but his default state is wanting to be around you. Kind of guy who would be thrilled to watch paint dry with you cuz it means you get to spend time together. Will follow you around until you pay attention to him, 100% sulks if neglected for too long but can't stay mad at you for long.

- Gets jealous easily but is working on not being so possessive, so he just gets clingy(er) if he's feeling insecure. It's kinda cute.

- Low key gets freaked out if he doesn't know where you are. His last love died painfully in front of him ok he's got Trauma

- Can tell immediately if there's something up with you, pls talk to him about it, he worries and he just wants to help

- Likes to read, from romance novels to historical texts. Goes through surviving texts from Camavor frequently, trying to jog his memory. Keeps a journal now, in case the mist takes any more memories. A lot of it is prose about how pretty you were today, a fair hand at sketching too.

- Likes animals, especially dogs and horses–royal hunts were a big family event growing up. Animals do not like him anymore, the mist makes them uneasy. It makes him sad sometimes :(

- Has strong opinions on wine and ballroom music. Will talk about the composition of a symphony for hours if you let him. Would love to teach you to dance.

- Used to care a lot about how he dressed, but those memories are still pretty fuzzy and he doesn't really think about it anymore–dying kinda puts vanity into perspective. Likes dressing you up though, and will definitely dress to match if you're going somewhere. He likes the idea of coordinated outfits.

- Gets moody occasionally, it all gets a bit much for him sometimes and he starts thinking about all his fuck ups. Alternates between sad and self-blaming to frustrated and kinda bitchy, but does his best not to take it out on anyone. Instantly feels bad and apologizes if he says anything out of line. Give him time, cuddles and reassurance and he'll start feeling better.

- Can't sleep without you in his arms. Doesn't choose to sleep often anyway (he gets bad nightmares), but will happily lay there all night watching you sleep. Doesn't like to admit that though bc he knows it's kinda weird.

- Doesn't need to eat or sleep or drink, but likes doing it anyway. The other wraiths in the isles are shadowy mist creatures because they're souls the mists have taken, and the bodies are somewhere else. Viego’s situation is closer to him ACTUALLY being the crown and just possessing his own body constantly, sort of like he'd possess anyone else’s. He's still technically undead though so his only real bodily need is the magic that's keeping him walking around

- The crown can't be moved, his head just moves with it. It's sort of like horns, except they're not actually attached to his head. Yank him around by it ;). He can demanifest it if he tries but it makes him feel numb and weirdly claustrophobic

- Speaking of, is claustrophobic. Man was trapped in a sword for like a thousand years; he was only quasi aware that whole time, kind of like having a nightmare or sleep paralysis, but it still makes him uncomfortable. Doesn't come up much since he just kinda mist teleports out if he starts feeling cramped. If it's ever for some reason necessary he will be holding you like an emotional support stuffy and you won't get a choice about it.

- His tears are black and dissipate into mist after a bit. It's very goth. Can control the amount of mist pouring from his heart; at its thickest it's almost like a small waterfall.

- Lets you put your fingers in his chest hole exactly one time. It was so cold you couldn't actually feel anything. He described it as akin to someone squeezing his heart.

- He can float but it takes concentration and he honestly prefers just walking. Also, he's tall asf. You need something off a high shelf, he's your man.

- His sense of temperature is fucked. He can tell if something's hot, but if you hand him an ice cube and a piece of wood he can't tell which ones colder without looking. Worries his hands are too cold for you since you always feel warm to him (they're not)

- Looking at his reflection weirds him out, and sometimes you catch him staring at his hands. Man doesn't have an introspective bone in his body though so he couldn't tell you why, but really he only sort of remembers what he used to look like and sometimes the dissonance gets to him.

- In the far far future of TIARW some of the restored shades will choose to stay in the kingdom, since apparently Viego was beloved by the people before his wife died and he went fully off the deep end. Viego gets the opportunity to redeem himself to his people and kingdom, and another shot at being king but older and wiser now. With you as his queen, he swears not to make the mistakes of his past and to rule with the best interests of Camavor in mind. Maybe I'll write an epilogue along those lines at some point.

NSFW (under cut)

- Look he's perma stuck in honeymoon phase he's Thirsty

- High libido. A menace if you let him be but 100% respects if you aren't feeling like it, he knows he can be a bit much. Does need lot of physical intimacy but that doesn't need to be sex necessarily, he just likes making you both feel good

- Despite this, doesn't jerk off much. It's being with you that gets him going, not that he specifically wants to get off

- He doesn't get tired. Like ever. 0 refractory, will just go until either you tap out or he's so overstimulated he can't anymore. Watching his cum drip out of you just gets him so worked up though so it's a vicious cycle

- He's got a filthy mind and will have you every which way he can think of, in every room you'll let him. Fav position is probably you riding him cowgirl though; he likes the view

- Likes leaving lovebites, but he lowkey feels bad if he bruises you by accident. He gets carried away and forgets his strength sometimes, you'll have to convince him you're fine. He heals too fast for you to leave marks on though, it's tragic :(

- He's touch starved, we all know this, he was trapped in a sword for a thousand years. In particular though, his neck is very sensitive, as well as his thighs and lower back. Doesn't like the area around his chest cavity being touched. Loves having his hair pulled.

- He's got experience. He was a heartbreaker in his youth and he figures out exactly what you like uncannily quickly

- Love love loves going down on you, he loves watching you and he gets to make you feel good, doesn't even care if he cums as long as he gets to eat you out

- Boss him around, he loves it when you take charge. Loves being both praised and degraded, will try so so hard to be good for you. Edge him until he cries, make him cum over and over, yank him around by the crown and tell him what a pathetic cum drunk slut he is, he'll take it all and beg for more <3

- Not specifically dommy so if you aren't taking the reigns he's the perfect combination of loving and so horny he can't think straight. Tells you how pretty and perfect you are while he makes a fucking mess of you.

- He's so loud. If he's not telling you how good you feel or how perfect you are, he's moaning and whimpering and swearing. Ask him a question and watch him struggle to put a coherent sentence together in real time.

- If you want to give him a task you know he'll fail, tell him to keep quiet. Fucks it up immediately and he gets SO upset, full tears in eyes begging to make it up to you.

- Will happily do whatever makes you both feel good, willing to try most things you want to. Hard limits, wouldn't like saying mean things or hurting you even as part of a scene (receiving tho, yes pls). Also, very mixed feelings about doing it anywhere anyone could ostensibly see you–on one hand everyone should know you're his and he's yours, on the other he'd have to kill them. It would be the only way, they gotta die.

- Aftercare is a must, whole nine yards, hot scented bath and cuddles and affirmations all around.

[drama--universe]

S/O suffers from sleep paralysis

Requested by anonymous: Anyone from The Untamed you want with a reader who has sleep paralysis? She tries to alert her husband but she can't because she can't talk or move, but she still manages to alert her husband and he then tries to help her?

Pairing: (Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, Huaisang) x fem!reader

Warnings: slightly suggestive bullet point at the end, except for that none

Wei Wuxian:

Wuxian seems like a heavy sleeper

so even when you could move and shove him, he probably wouldn't awake

but he also has a sixth sense for trouble

(how else does he survive so easily through everything)

so when you wake up, only to find out that you couldn't move a muscle

it is concerning

the room is dark and yet you can see shadows, even though they aren't actually there

you want to move desperately, but you just can't and thus you chose to just screw your eyes shut in hope that it would somehow make you feel less afraid

luckily for you, Wuxian usually magically awakens when this happens

and when he sees you, he immediatley knows that something is wrong

even when he doesn't really know what is wrong

he quickly wakes you up, shaking you awake before hugging you closer to him

he's the type to not sleep again until he is sure that you're okay

doesn't agree if you tell him that you don't want to sleep

even when you explain why you don't want to sleep, he insist that you still need to

will hug you until you sleep eventually

he's afraid of it happening again and doesn't want to go to sleep before you

always wait for about an hour after you fall asleep

just to be sure

will also gladly take your scolding for it

Jiang Cheng:

this guy is a very light sleeper

I think he wakes up three or four times in the night

it would take him a few seconds to notice that you laid awake

yet you didn't answer him when he asked why you were up

that's when he notices that something is wrong

shakes you awake and flinches as you suddenly sit up

you cry as you explain what had happened

he listens carefully to your story, still a bit confused why it had happened

stays awake with you until you calm down

although he doesn't like physical contact too much, he still holds you in his arms

when you do go back to sleep, he opts to hold your hand instead

stays awake a bit longer, staring at you as you fall asleep

this time a peaceful sleep where your mind isn't playing mind tricks on you

when you're finally peacefully asleep, he follows

his hand remains in yours throughout the whole night

he also moves to wrap his arms around you

it's quite a funny morning

Nie Huaisang:

honestly, he's probably awake

insomniac of the trio

either he's painting or brooding

he notices when your eyes open, but you looked fearful if anything

he first thought you had a nightmare, but when you don't move he gets concerned

call out to you a few times before effectively waking you up by shaking you awake

he's weirded out by your story, but doesn't show it on his face

instead he just tries to calm you down

will get anything you need

you want food, he'll wake up the kitchen staff and asks if they can make you something

you want to just cuddle, he'll smother you with kisses while doing so

he'll make sure that you wouldn't panic again

if you decide to sleep, he will hug you close to him as a sort of reassurance

if you don't want to sleep, he'll stay awake with you and get your mind off of it

and he isn't opposed to helping you sleep in other ways ;)

[beelsbignaturals]

🐄 DEMON FORMS: BELPHEGOR 💤

AN: thanks void for helping w the tags ♡♡♡ also jsyk my requests are open and I am gonna be working on them slowly but surely. I have a con in like... a little over a week? So I'm a lil busy rn but thank u for the love on my creepy demon posts. As always you can check the obey me world building tag on my blog to see the other parts of this series :3

inspiration for this part: honestly, nothing specific unless you count like,,, The Hat Man

TWs: body horror, possession, sleep paralysis, mentions of insanity, mentions of psychosis, lesson 16 mention, demons being demons

● Okay, Level 1.5 belphie is more common than a regular human looking belphie because he can't be bothered most of the time. Also, he doesn't like humans that aren't you, so why would he want to be palatable for them? He has permanent eyebags. He goes back and forth between blinking way too fast or not at all. Which …Is unsettling. He can stare for hours and fall asleep like that. He has cow ears, and his tail is out because he plays with the fluffy part as a stress response. It makes him feel safe (probably bc beel will brush his tail for him when it gets all tangled, and he secretly LOVES it. Puts him to sleep in seconds.) Speaking of sleep, if you look directly at Belphie, he is very…. Fuzzy looking. Like you just woke up and everything's blurry, but it's only him that looks like this. 

Today is the day you learn demons can purr. You knock on the door of the twins' room, entering when you hear a quiet "come in." Perhaps you expected to see Belphie napping on Beel's back while the larger twin does push-ups. You certainly didn't think you'd see the pair sitting on the floor, Belphegor's tail being meticulously detangled by his brother. Belphie looks a bit like a house cat, curled up on the floor, eyes closed and purring as his tail occasionally swishes about. You silently take a video and leave before Belphie wakes up and forces you to delete it.

● Level 2. His tail grows large thorns, perfect for thwacking anyone who annoys him. He constantly smells like lavender and something else that no one can for sure define, but if you stand too close, you will get drowsy. Everything about him seems a bit… uncanny valley. He doesn't look terrifying so much as he looks…. Just,,,, Incorrect. His breathing sounds like a white noise machine.  This is the form he takes during lesson 16. He chooses it specifically so he doesn't make you run immediately. 

Despite the trauma that you experienced, you have learned to find comfort in Belphegor's demon form. Sometimes, you doze off to the sound of his breathing while your hands play with the soft fur of his ears. On more than one occasion, you have compared Belphie to one of the children from Polar Express, which got you smacked in the face by his tail. But even when you get on his last nerve, he is careful not to cut you with the sharp barbs on his tail. A silent apology for killing you once upon a time.

● Level 3. Goodbye sleepy, cozy weirdness, and hello sleep paralysis demon. The thorns on his tail get larger and spread to cover his arms. His eyelids just. Fuck off. He doesn't have them anymore. Jeff the Killer looking bitch. The longer you look at him the more…absolutely fucking AWFUL he looks. Five minutes? He has double the normal amount of teeth. Ten? His horns are casting shadows that look like every nightmare you've ever had. Twenty and all of a sudden you are literally frozen in place. If he's feeling kind, he will use magic to knock you unconscious. If not, you are going to be stuck like this until well after he leaves. If he leaves. Also, he eats dreams.

You will occasionally wake up in the dead of night to the sound of raspy breathing. When you look up, you find a pair of eyes staring intently at you. In the first few seconds after waking, your dreams are so incredibly vivid that it shocks you when they dissappear from your memory, as if it never happened. You yawn, throwing a pillow at the demon's face. Which causes Belphie to laugh, not losing balance from his perch at the end of your bed for even a second.

● Level 4. He is more mist than corporeal. He can be more on the solid side. He just prefers not to. If he is in this form, hold your breath and run. Breathing in any of the mist has…. Very bad side effects. You might find yourself unable to sleep ever again, no matter how tired, until eventually you go insane. Or perhaps living your worst nightmares is more your speed? Either way, it's absolutely horrifying, and he doesn't even have to do any work to destroy you. He just makes you do that yourself. If he likes you, he can make the effects a lot less awful. Breathing in the mist is literally breathing Belphegor, so he can also read your mind (all the better to find your deepest fears). You can hear a whispery voice in the back of your head… that's him. He likes to hang out and chat with Beel like this. Or plot anti-Lucifer activities with Satan since only the person he is possessing can hear him. He can suggest you do all sorts of things, and if you aren't paying attention, you might think it's your body working on its own. If he talks normally while just being a cloud of mist, his voice is surprisingly loud, encompassing the whole room.

A tiny voice, one you know all too well, speaks in the back of your mind. The first time this happened, you thought it was your conscious or something. Perhaps a psychotic break. But no, it is just the youngest of the seven demons you live with. Belphie enjoys backseat driving while you go about your day. He laughs when you trip (honestly, it might be him that caused it...), makes jokes at the most inappropriate times, causing you to choke on your own spit, trying to suppress laughter. And when someone is being particularly rude, he gets rather descriptive in his insults. But hey, he means well. You think.

[ruvviks]

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them? break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest? midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? for Tiberius :3

tiberius asks!

BETRAYAL: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

tiberius has been betrayed by his ex girlfriend who cheated on him pre-war, and through the whole shitshow he ended up falling out with a lot of the people he thought were his friends. the situation fucked him up very badly and it's the main reason he's got a lot of trouble trusting people and letting them in :(

in the wasteland, tiberius also ends up getting betrayed by a variety of people but all of it is related to doing mercenary work, so either someone he teamed up with that ends up pointing a gun at his head or a client who has lied to him, stuff like that. all of this doesn't hit him as bad as the other situation did because it's something he's already prepared for; he doesn't go into these kinds of situations fully trusting any party involved, so it's a lot easier to deal with

tiberius himself has only ever betrayed the institute. he infiltrates them for the railroad but ends up destroying the place after seeing how insanely fucked up it is; though something tells him that in a way the institute already knew that would happen. during his time there he learns it's a lot bigger and a lot more complicated than what it's making itself out to be and he feels like he's being watched; as if the whole place is part of something much bigger and they already know what he's there for, and how it's gonna go. still, it all comes as a betrayal to shaun specifically, but tiberius does not feel bad about it at all given how far gone shaun already is by that point

BREAK: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

answered here!

MIDNIGHT: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

tiberius tends to sleep pretty good nowadays. the special boy radiation cocktail he got in his veins initially caused him very bad sleep paralysis and nightmares, but that has settled down over time and now he can fall asleep almost instantly after laying down, and he generally sleeps through the night very peacefully. the only downside to it is that he sleeps very deep and thus doesn't get woken up by noises easily; and it also comes with the fear that one day he won't wake up from his sleep at all :(

if he spends the night awake, however, it's usually because he's on watch in a dangerous area of the commonwealth while out on the road. he's very good at just sitting there without doing anything else, just spending his time looking around and occasionally looking up at the sky above; if he does need to keep busy (usually because otherwise he will start overthinking) he can be found cleaning his weapons or preparing some food for the morning, or he's reading something by the light of his pip-boy or writing in a journal :]

[garrothromeave]

mcd garroth + laurance headcanons for the sake of me posting something while working on my long-ass post, also happy birthday blaze ily, 

garroth - total momma’s boy. seems obvious, but it’s true -- back in o’khasis, he was practically glued to the side of zianna. whenever she had to leave for a few days when he was younger, he’d cry if he couldn’t go with her. when he left for the guard academy, he wrote to zianna on a daily basis. to put it simply, he had separation anxiety. the hardest thing about faking his death was not being able to see or talk to his mother. - incredible piano player. his father made him take lessons when he was younger for quite a few years, but he was naturally very good at it. he never mentions this skill to anyone. while they were at malachi’s castle and were looking for materials before they left, garroth stumbled upon an old piano and played something. he got really into it, and laurance ended up stumbling on him playing. he made laurance swear to never tell anyone about it. - when garroth was around eight or nine, his stutter was so bad that garte didn’t let him speak in public or around any people other than the family out of shame. vylad and zianna used to help garroth with his stutter.

- garroth is very sensitive to the saying “oh my irene.” growing up in the ro’meave house, it was taboo to use irene’s name in vein. or anywhere in o’khasis, really. nowadays he’s still very caustious whenever he says it, because he thinks that someone is going to yell at him. - horrified of getting hurt. back during the days of training in the guard academy, while he was very good with technique and fighting itself, he had a very bad flinching problem. overall, for the longest time, wounds and pain made garroth very uncomfortable. because of this fear of getting hurt, he has a bit of a stubble because of the one time he hurt himself while shaving.   - 6′4, because 6′11 is unbelievably tall and i honestly don’t even think that it’s canon? s’yeah. he seems 6′4 to me.

- garroth often sees new things and (internally) has this very child-like wonder response. he was sheltered for the entirety of his childhood and teenagehood. and after the guard academy, he stayed put in the same village for 5 years -- so he hasn’t experienced very much. he often wants to ask dozens of questions, but because of his shyness, he tends to just observe anything new very closely. which leads me to my next headcanon,

- because of o’khasis’ intolerance to many things, he was not very commonly exposed to magick’s users. the first magicks user that he directly met would be zoey, and he was very nervous when talking to her the first time he met her. when garroth gets to know her more, she catches on that he’s curious about a lot of things, and offers to tell him about things. he declines, and he regrets that decision to this day.

- as stated before, o’khasis isn’t very tolerable of things, which caused garroth to develop incredibly bad internalized homophobia. when aphmau comes along, he gets a very strong desire to protect her (little do we know, this strong desire comes from his connection with esmund) and confuses it for/tries to convince himself that it’s romantic love. it is in fact love, just platonic. so basically, this man’s gay as hell.

- garroth has more freckles than any other ro’meave family member. he’s mildly insecure about his freckles, seeing them as a ‘childish’ trait, which is why he wasn’t very bothered with the idea of hiding his face with his helmet. 

- his hair is super curly. it used to be more tame, but as he got older, it got more curly. it’s usually a mess because he doesn’t know how to take care of it, but it somehow looks hot as hell. (no homo ofc.)

- garroth is allergic to blueberries. 

- raven was garroth’s first genuine connection since he left o’khasis. zenix was his second. he loves raven a lot, and hates that he can’t see him as often as he’d like to.

- garroth is a total cat person. don’t get me wrong, he loves dogs, but if he were to choose between having one or the other, he’d choose to have a cat. he had a pet cat when he was little that he still thinks about a lot. (probably named sprinkles, just for the hell of it.)

- because of how he grew up, garroth’s actually a very picky eater. while he’d never admit it to himself or anyone else, he misses the more “rich-people” food he was spoiled with. 

- garroth isn’t actually that stupid, when he first arrived at pheonix drop, he had a name in mind that he wanted to go by (to better hide his identity). however, when his name was asked by someone, he panicked and “garroth” accidently slipped. he beat himself up for the longest time after that. the only reason he finally let go is because no one had ever pointed out how/seemed suspicious he had the same name as the deceased first-born son of o’khasis.

laurance - his hair grows decently quick, so even after cadenza cut it for him, it only took about 4 months for it to grow back just past his shoulders. he prefers it having some length to it anyways, and usually ties is back into a ponytail. after the irene dimension, he would let nekoette braid his hair. - has a very lanky body type. naturally has long limbs, and would often get called a ‘stick’ when he was younger. he’s about 5′11. but don’t confuse his thinner stature for weakness, he matches garroth’s strength easily.

- bi icon. fuck that “you were my first kiss” bullshit he gives aphmau, the list exists and while it’s stupid and weird, according to it, garroth was his first kiss. which is fuckin funny as hell if you think about it.

- laurance is very good with animals. more so rodents and smaller creatures, like squirrels, birds, rabbits, etc. cadenza was convinced that laurance could talk to animals for the longest time. he even had this little mouse that would pop in his house. however, on the contrary, larger animals -- not so much. he’s shit with horses and cows, especially. 

- incredible singer. has serenaded aphmau on multiple occasions, and has even gotten her to sing along with him from time to time. he sang for malachi to help him fall asleep every night since the day they met him. this caused him to start singing for levin at night as well. when laurance saw malachi again after the 15 year jump, within the first few days of his return, malachi asked for laurance to sing for him again just like he used to. which brings me to my next headacanon,

- laurance saw malachi as his own child, and treated him as such. they were very close, and malachi was the most heartbroken over laurance’s disappearance since he saw him very much as a father. it wasn’t that laurance favored malachi over levin that created this bond, it was the fact that laurance first-hand saw a child in need of a home and someone to love him, and it reminded him of when he was small. 

- he’s a sucker for bets. gambles, wages, anything like that. while he’s not directly a gambler, if someone offers he’s sure to accept. he’s a risk-taker, and ends up getting really into it. this also branches into his competitive behavior. he’ll be really upset and possibly a bit petty if he loses. why else do you think he still hadn’t given castor the 5 dollars he owes him?

- slingshot master. you give this motherfucker a slingshot he can kill someone with his impeccable aim. he’s also very good with a bow and arrow or any sort of projectile, but he’s the best with a slingshot. when he was younger, he hand-made slingshots from materials that he’d find around the forest.

- speaking of the forest, laurance is a very nature-loving soul. when he moved to meteli when he was adopted, he’d often go and explore the forests nearby. he and cadenza would use their imaginations and play all sorts of games. laurance and her especially loved to climb trees, and would jump from branch to branch. this helped laurance become very flexible. this is also how he met sasha, she was sitting in his favorite tree one day and they just hit it off from there.

- after he was rescued from the nether, laurance frequently had nightmares that would lead into sleep paralysis episodes. the first time it happened garroth had been looking over him (since this was around the time when laurance first got back and garroth had allowed aphmau to go do her lord tasks while he watched over him) and when he had the ability to move and speak again, he started freaking out. garroth had to calm him down and assure laurance that he’d talk to zoey about what happened. garroth and zoey are the only ones that know of laurance’s sleep paralysis, mainly because he didn’t want to worry aphmau or anyone else. zoey often gave him ways to cope with it. it didn’t happen every night, but it did occur at least 5-6 times a month. his sleep paralysis stopped the moment he entered the nether for the second time. 

- the first time laurance heard he’d made the list for the jury of nine, he felt honoured. when he was oblivious to how corrupt it was, he saw it as a huge opportunity. after learning about it’s true nature, he was still glad that he’d made the list -- because him being on the list prevented another person from risking being on the list and being chosen to be apart of the jury.

- yes, laurance can cook very will in this universe as well. it’s not that he was taught, it’s more that he can look at ingredients and just throw them together to make great combinations. zoey also taught him a few things.

- laurance does not know his real birthday. malachi does not remember his. since cadenza had “given” laurance a birthday, he offered to let malachi share his unofficial birthday with him. malachi accepted. 

garroth + laurance

- laurance began referring to garroth as “pretty boy” after seeing his face. he continued to call him that for the first month of their friendship. garroth hated it, and that’s the only reason laurance eventually stopped.

- laurance and garroth are both very good story tellers, but after one incident where garroth was telling levin and malachi a story, he started stumbling a bit over his words and couldn’t articulate correctly, so laurance picked it up and continued it. from there, they took turns with the story and occasionally interrupted one another to add a detail or plot point, and after that, malachi refused to listen to garroth or laurance separately when telling stories, because their collective minds came up with the most fascinating shit.

- garroth isn’t the best at coming up with insults because he’s simply too nice, but laurance loves to make fun of garroth (in good fun, of course). however, there is one thing that garroth could hold over laurance; and that was their height difference. whenever laurance would mess with him, garroth would just bring up height to piss laurance off. 

- when laurance regained his sight, him and garroth sparred very often. that’s when garroth realized how much strength laurance actually had, since he’d originally underestimated him. laurance, in all honesty, was equally surprised. their spars were pretty evenly matched.

- while these two are best friends, the amount of arguments they’ve had is insane. most of them were light-hearted and were more so disagreements, but sometimes things escalated and would result in yelling. that’s because laurance always took it a step too far. that, or garroth would try to disregard what they were talking about, which only made laurance more heated. but they’re both incredibly quick to forgive each other. once they had a really bad argument and didn’t talk for an entire hour afterwards, but once they saw each other again it was like they’d never fought. 

- since garroth grew up with everything and laurance often had to hunt and shit, garroth wasn’t amazing at it. laurance found out, originally teased garroth, but gave him tips and took him out and taught him how to hunt. garroth’s still shit at it when he does it alone, but when he does it with laurance he’s pretty decent. 

- garroth doesn’t drink. laurance does. laurance once tried to convince garroth to drink, but he refused -- which laurance respected, but garroth had to deal with drunk laurance for the rest of the night at the guard station. he learned things that he really wish he hadn’t that night. 

---

i had more for garroth and laurance’s relationship, but uh, i don’t really have time to write them down, so take these for now! i hope y’all enjoy them as much as i did writing them :]

[engagemachine]

"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?

But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.

I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.

But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.

Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.

Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.

I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.

I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.

The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.

On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.

I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.

This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[snowsurvive-aa]

sleep   meme !

type   of   bed  :     cassandra  slept  on  the  same  bed  from  her  toddlerhood  through  her  early  twenties ,  with  little  to  no  variation  ( unless  she  upset  the  briarwoods  during  their  occupation ,  or  unless  she  fell  asleep  at  her  desk  during  the  chroma  conclave  attacks ) .     large ,  well - balanced  between  soft  and  firm .     it’s  only  after  her  spiral  that  she’s  convinced  to  find  a  new  room  of  her  own ,  one  without  quite  so  many  memories ,  and  agrees  to  a  new  bed  entirely  with  this  move ,  not  just  restuffing  her  old  one .     it’s  not  too - too  long  after  this  that  kynan  moves  in  with  her ,  and  the  bed  is  theirs .

number   of   blankets  :     it’s  always  better  to  start  with  more  than  you  need  in  whitestone  weather  and  old  stone  walls ,  even  though  she  often  ends  up  only  under  one  sheet  rather  than  a  multitude  of  blankets .

number   of   pillows  :     two ,  and  the  softer  one  has  to  be  on  top  of  the  harder  one .

type   of   clothing  :     nightdress ,  one  of  a  few  that  she  has  to  choose  from / depending  on  the  weather .     if  she  has  to  get  up ,  she  has  a  dressing  gown  she’ll  throw  on  overtop  for  propriety’s  sake .

does   it   matter   where   they   sleep?  :     cass  prefers  her  bed  to  just  about  anywhere  else ,  honestly .     but  she’s  fallen  asleep  at  her  desk  before ,  and  most  likely  will  do  so  again .

what   do   they   do   if   they   cannot   fall   asleep?  :     work .     there’s  always  more  paperwork  to  be  done  waiting  for  her  at  her  desk ,  and  she  gets  in  the  regular  habit  of  going  to  work  when  she  can  no  longer  rest .     after  kynan  moves  into  her  space ,  he  can  generally  convince  her  to  stay  in  bed  and  let  him  hold  her  --  especially  if  she  can  run  her  fingers  through  his  hair .     once  they  have  children ,  a  quick  round  around  their  hall  to  check  on  them  and  tuck  them  back  in  helps  her  settle  herself .

frequent   dreams,   nightmares  :     a  very  frequent  occurrence .     at  times ,  they’re  so  regular  that  it’s  nearly  clockwork .     it’s  mostly  memories ,  the  nightmares  at  least  --  her  near - death  in  the  snow  being  a  very  prevalent  one ,  accompanied  with  the  sounds  associated .     her  night  terrors  are  another  beast  altogether ,  as  is  her  ‘ sleep  paralysis  demon ’ ,  no  one  less  than  delilah  briarwood  herself .

deep   slumber   or   naps  :     . . . neither .

when   do   they   sleep  :     when  her  body  ( or  her  guards )  make  her .     as  she  gets  older ,  she  sets  up  a  better  routine  for  herself ,  though  sometimes  she  still  needs  a  little  help  remembering .

what   could   wake   them   up  :     her  children ,  her  brother ,  vex’ahlia ,  kynan .     anyone  who  she  cares  about ,  really  --  any  of  their  voices  would  wake  her  up  in  a  second  flat .

tagged   by:   @shedawn ! tagging:   you !

[kaito-is-baby]

I was wondering if you could do the s/o with sleep paralysis with the sdr2 cast like the dr1 ask. If not, completely understandable!

Of course I can! I love all of this sleep paralysis topic, sorry for being so slow btw, I'm just bad at not procrastinating, can't help it! Anyways, hope you like it~

The 2 part is here

DR2 CAST WITH AN S/O WHO HAS SLEEP PARALYSIS PART 1

Hajime Hinata

•This poor boy keeps seeing Izuru and all the weird things he did during the tragedy when he closes his eyes

•So he knows how it is to get zero sleep

•But he doesn't want you to suffer that, you doesn't deserve it

•He tries to make his bedroom the most peaceful place to be

•The most illuminated, clean and out of obstacles so it doesn't scare you out

•But that doesn't work, you keep seeing the same weird things on your paralysis

•He even throw a chair once because you saw a man standing once

•And he always hugs you and comforts you when you wake up

•None of his efforts really work but you know he is trying hard and that makes you feel so loved and happy

•Plus you know he understands you better than anyone else and you are very happy about it

Chiaki Nanami

•She doesn't really sleep

•She spends her whole night gaming

•And then kinda... sleeps in class

•So you two never really sleep together

•But you do stay in her house a lot of times

•And she watches you sleep while playing

•It's a great excuse to see your cute face sleeping

•So when you wake up from one of your paralysis she knows something is off

•And she asks you so you tell her about it

•And then she decides to try and notice when you are having one

•Afterall she doesn't sleep at all, she doesn't mind to look at you a little closer to wake you up

•And she realizes that your parpados move quite a lot while you are having a paralysis

•So she always wakes you up when she sees that

•And then cuddles with you until you fall asleep again

•Just to go back to her game after that

•And always keeping an eye of you

•An excuse to look at you even more while you sleep? She loves it!

Nagito Komaeda

•Oh, he has sleep paralysis too!

•And since he was very little

•He thinks it is like an omen or something

•Whenever he has one something good is about to happen

•And the worse it is the better it is the next thing

•You know because that's how luck works

•So you two have a lot of sleep paralysis

•And talk about them later

•Usually you just cuddle and talk about what you have seen until you fall asleep again

•And sometimes what you have seen is the same and it scares you so much

•Because that's too much to be a casuality

•And you can't help but to think that those spirits are actually real and not just a product of your subconscient

•"Don't worry, S/O, it is just my bad luck affecting us and making us see the same, It's statistically possible you just gotta have bad luck!"

•Well, if you think about it, he is right

•And who has worst luck than him? No one

• So you just hug him again and go back to sleep 

Kazuichi Souda

•You were sleeping with him but it didn't stop you from those sleep paralysis

•You could see him next to you, using more than half of the bed

•But you couldn't move or call his name

•And then you started to see shadows and weird silhouettes get near you

•Nearer and nearer everytime

•Until one of them reached you and touched your face with his long nails

•And you woke up

•Screaming of course

•And then Souda is screaming too

•He was scared, very scared

•"What it is? What it is, S/O?!!"

•He is grabbing you, holding onto you trying to hide all of his fear

•You explain him then what happened

•”So... like a nightmare?"

•"It isn't exactly like a nightmare, because you are actually awake so you feel everything a  lot more realistic and you really feel like it's here" you try to explain him

•"B... but... are those shadows real?"

•No, Kazu, they aren't

•He chills out after that

•Poor boy was totally ready to move to another house or even another country if those shadows were real

•And now, knowing it isn't real he can focus on you

•He knows it has to be horrible, he usually wakes up crying after a nightmare so he can't even imagine how horrible it has to be

•So he cuddles with you and caresses you all night

•And also suggest to keep the lights turn on

•Just in case... it helps you, you know?

•Yeah, sure, you aren't afraid at all, Kazuichi

•But you actually thank him for that

•He suggested it for himself but having the lights turned on help you

•You have much less terrifying paralysis this way

•Everything that can attack you looks less bad on the light

•And having Kazu holding onto you also helps to reduce your paralysis

•So you two decide to always have the lights turned on

•Not that he mind it, he has tried to convince you about it before knowing about your paralysis already, he isn't a big fan of darkness

•Actually he is very scared of darkness and didn't know how to tell you

•So he is glad this helps the two of you!

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

•You had never had a sleep paralysis sleeping with him

•And you screamed when you woke up

•Well, you were scared so you had reasons to scream

•But know he is angry

•Someone woke him up and that makes him very very angry

•And then he realizes it's you, screaming, who woke him up

•That makes him even more angry

•And also worried

• Who or what dred to scare his beloved S/O?

•"What happened?! Is someone here?! Someone hurted you?! Someone tried to kidnap you?!"

•Okay, he is a little paranoid

•But he is the leader of the biggest yakuza clan, he is used to big problems so he gets on the worse easily

•You explain him the real problem as fast as you can so he calms down as soon as possible

•And he is relaxed

•Well, he is worried about you and gets that it is a horrible thing

•But he thought something a lot worse had happened

•So he hugs you and tries to reassure you

•But the one that has really been reassured is actually him

•Now you do manage to fall asleep on his arms

•And he waits until your breath gets heavier to try to sleep too

•He didn't want to sleep while you were scared

•But you are sleeping now and he has to get as many hours of sleep as he can or tomorrow he will be even more irritable than usually

Peko Pekoyama

•Again, you scream when you wake up

•And when you open your eyes you see your girlfriend with a sword in her hands

•Wow, she's fast

•"There's.... there's nothing..."

•She and Fuyuhiko are just as paranoids

•You try to explain her that it was just a sleep paralysis, like a nightmare but much worse

•And she gets it

•She just has to hold you and calm you to sleep

•You know she isn't the best with words or love gestures

•But she tries to cheer you up

•And being honest, seeing her with that sword just as soon as you woke up made you feel very vey safe

Ibuki Mioda

•You wake up very very disturbed

•You had just seen a girl next to you, sitting on Ibuki's lap

•So you are quite... scared

•And Ibuki wakes up with you

•She doesn't have a heavy sleep so she wakes up easily just with you moving a little

•And you explain her what happens

•She tries to cheer you up singing

•And sing you to sleep too

•But her voice is worse than the nightmares

•Not tha she's a bad singer, she is amazing

•She just... isn't very... relaxing to say

•And you know that If she keeps singing the neighbour's will probably call the police

•Because she is really loud

•So you just ask her to tell you about her day until you fall sleep again

•And then she talks while atroming your head until you fall sleep

•And you two discover that that's the best way for you to avoid having sleep paralysis

•Falling sleep in her arms while you listen to her day is the best way to keep you relaxed

Mikan Tsumiki

•She knows there are hundreds of ways to stop sleep paralysis

•But with medical proofs? Not so many

•She's the ultimate nurse so she really knows how to help stop them

•Have enough sleep, regular sleep patterns and being relaxed and comfortable going to sleep

•She can help you with all of that

•She steps an hour to go to bed so you have enough rest

•You two always sleep together since she knows about your paralysis so she will comprobar that you actually follow a sleep pattern

•And she tries to calm you and reassure you that nothing will happen while you sleep

•Caressing you, hugging you and being your personal teddy bear

•Of course with all of her usual shyness and clumness but it does help you feel better

•And if that doesn't stop your sleep paralysis then she knows the medicine that can help stop them

•She either prescribes you imipramine or clomipramine

•The point is that, however she manages to you do stop having those paralysis

•So go and thank your nurse girlfriend! She's definitely the best!

Did I write way too much for Kazuichi's one? Yes. Do I care? No, because I love him and he deserves all the love in this world

Well, I love how this came out too, the sleep paralysis S/O is a very good topic but I will cut it in two parts again so... wait a couple of days for the next one~ ♡ • Tenko can’t understand it either

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

I don’t know if I’ve ever discussed this here or not but I’m an empath. Not to be confused with being empathetic (though I am that as well) which means to feel compassion for other people. Being an empath means you feel someone else’s emotions with your own body. I’m not a full-blown empath. At least, I don’t think so. Not someone who can go and investigate haunted houses or anything, but I certainly draw in emotion that doesn’t belong to me, whether it’s from a friend, a family member, a total stranger, or even a place (more like the leftover energy found in a place). 

This gets extremely overwhelming at times since I can’t always figure out what emotions belong to me and what belongs to other people. It’s hard to push it back out and send it back to whoever it belongs to. 

I also do think that...spirits and energies are drawn to me. 

I’ve had plenty of experiences that go beyond simply being a hyper compassionate person. Things like knowing something’s happened before being told or knowing when someone is in distress or feeling the presence of otherworldly things. I’ve even had more than one psychiatrist tell me they think i’m empathic. 

Sometimes I get, what I like to call, visitors. I’m absolutely not a clairvoyant of any sort. I don’t see visions of the dead and the dead don’t speak to me (beyond a quick glimpse and sometimes scattered whispers). But sometimes I feel someone with me. The energy in the room changes. The temperature in the room changes. My own emotion suddenly changes.

When this happens, sometimes I feel someone touch me. It’s never been threatening. Mostly it’s been as though someone just wants acknowledgement which I’ll give, but I keep it to a minimum because I don’t want a visitor to think they can stay.

For example. 

Last week, Thursday into Friday (3am-ish) I was tossing and turning. I’d had an uneasy feeling all night long. Not my own anxiety, at least, I didn’t think it was. I’m not really an intuitive empath so it’s hard for me to pick apart all the different emotions/feelings inside of me.

But this night, I’m lying in bed facing one away and when I rolled over, a big, black mass flew right at me and said something (too indistinct for me to understand). It left me breathless and I turned the lights on and needed a bit to settle again, but I acknowledged that someone or something wanted my attention and after that the uneasy feelings went away and I was able to sleep.

It does get scary sometimes. Visitors sometimes come through my dreams. And, I know, lots of people will think it’s just a nightmare. Just a dream. But there’s a difference and I don’t expect anyone to believe or understand unless they’ve experienced it themselves. But there is a difference between normal dreams and visitor dreams, and I can tell even in my sleep. (Sometimes it’s sleep paralysis, but again, I can typically tell the difference). 

Uh...So, yeah, I don’t really expect anyone to actually believe me. It’s fine if you don’t.  But, hey, if you’ve ever had any similar experiences or even totally different but you want to share, I’m absolutely not a skeptic!  

[life-rewritten]

Psycho but it’s okay Rapunzel and the cursed castle analysis

Sacrifice and Neglect 

Psycho but it’s okay episode 5, is titled Rapunzel in the cursed castle. There’s been many hints in the intro, the flashbacks, and also like I said previously the cursed castle also gave those vibes of  the fairy tale.  But first let’s look at Rapunzel and see what the show uses to foreshadow the story.

Rapunzel in the Cursed Castle

Rapunzel is the known fairy-tale told by the Brothers Grimm. Also, writers who loved to use violence and discomforting situations in their tales The summary of the plot of Rapunzel as followed.  

‘Due to her mother’s hunger and her father’s desperate need to protect her mother, Rapunzel ends up getting taken by a sorceress in order to pay for the fact that her mother ate some greens also named after from the sorceress’s garden.  She grows up to become beautiful and have extremely long hair. The sorceress panics and traps her in a castle with no way of escaping, the only way the sorceress visits her is by asking her to let down her hair. The prince however hears her singing and sneaks in and asks her to let down her hair they fall in love and plan a way to escape. Unfortunately, they get caught, Rapunzel loses her hair and is tossed out into the wild, the prince falls into thorns and become blind. The witch traps her self in the tower. Rapunzel and the prince however later find each other, her tears washes away the scratches in his eye and he starts to see, they live happily ever after.’

This is how the story is told in the show by Moon Young:  Because she is the Rapunzel in the story she tells it from her point of view.

‘A long time ago, deep inside the forest, there lived a little girl in a cursed castle. The girl’s mother always told her that she’s too special to live among everyone else outside the castle… However, the girl felt like she was imprisoned. So she prayed to the moon every day: ‘Please send me a handsome prince who can save me from here. Will he come today? Will he come tomorrow?’ The girl waited for him every day.’

 Zombie Kid & Rapunzel 

I want to first break down the theme of the episode that was shown in the tale of Zombie Kid in the previous episode and also shows up here. That’s the idea of being trapped by either neglect or being trapped by sacrifice. In Zombie Kid, the idea of neglect stems from the world neglecting the mother and the zombie kid because he’s different, his mum also neglects him by not giving him what he actually desperately craved warmth, she locked him in the basement and just fed him to stop his hunger. I want to pause there first so you see the mirror images and themes in Rapunzel that are also similar in this tale. This is the fact that a character  is so hungry that their hunger requires sacrifice, but it leads to neglect. In Rapunzel her mother’s desperate cravings leads to her father sacrificing her instead so his wife gets the food. But it leads to her feeling neglect and imprisonment because she’s all alone with no family but the witch. In Zombie Kid he ends up alone because his mum sacrifices herself when all he really wanted the most was her love and warmth, he felt neglected by her sacrifice.  The idea of hunger and obsession leading to people feeling hurt and alone is one of the important things to take notice of. This parallels to Gang Tae and his mum when she sacrificed everything for Sang Tae but neglected his feelings and wants, and also Moon Young because of her mother and her father’s decisions in the past.

Character Analysis of Rapunzel

THE FATHER

Next, we focus on the story again. And we are introduced in this story to the father in Rapunzel. His actions and his sacrifice is what leads Rapunzel to be taken and captured by the sorceress. He trades her for the vegetables to keep the mother happy. This is messed up when you think about it but it’s also quite telling for this show. I’m going to make a post on bluebeard later this week as well which also mirrors this same idea. First of all we know Moon Young’s dad has a disorder which causes him to automatically when he sees Moon Young to want to kill her. We are also hinted to that he could be violent and might have killed her mother because he feared her. Stay with me, the thing is I disagree with this. Because I think just like the father here who loved his wife so much, he’d sacrifice his daughter’s mental state, I think that’s what Moon Young’s father did too. Because he’s so in love with her mother, as told in the story of Bluebeard, because he saw her as an angel no matter what she did, I think he let her isolate Moon Young and groom her the way she wanted making Moon Young imprisoned in the castle he built for her mother. The signs are there that he was obsessed with her mother, he builds a castle so they can both stay there alone from everyone, he sees her as an angel someone who can’t do wrong, and I’m sure he’s trying to kill Moon Young either one because he realises his mistake and sees her mother in her, or two she was involved with the disappearance of her mother and he hates her for that. The father in Rapunzel does everything he can for his wife who is about to die because she doesn’t want anything but the vegetables found in the witch’s garden. For her to not leave him he goes and takes them and trades them with his daughter.

THE WITCH

We then focus on the witch in this story or the sorceress. Her anxiety about letting Rapunzel go into the world is heavy, she sees her as her possession and object, and grooms her up all alone. She refuses her to leave and makes it impossible for anyone else to get to her. This obviously shadows Moon Young’s mother. We are shown the scene where Moon Young’s mum takes a hair brush in the cellar and brushes her hair. This mirrors what happened whenever the witch visited Rapunzel. Moon Young’s mother calls her beautiful and tells her she’s her creature made just for her. She also shows up in the end of the flashback as Moon Young runs to go see Gang Tae. She makes her push him away and we know she threatens to kill him because of the previous tale Sleeping Witch. In Moon Young’s sleep paralysis nightmares her mother hovers above her promising to kill whoever tries to free her. This is what the witch does to Rapunzel. But just like Moon Young Rapunzel is delighted when a prince finds a way to enter into the castle. They immediately start making plans to escape. Unfortunately they are caught. I also mentioned this in my brain dump but the witch throws the prince of the window of the castle into a thorn bush that blinds him once she caught him and Rapunzel planning to escape. This is another proof that Moon Young is terrified that Gang Tae will die if he stays near her. 

So you may ask why is she not trying to push him away anymore. Because her mother is meant to be ‘dead’. I put dead in quotation marks because both me and Moon Young clearly feel like she is not, her ghost hunts both Moon Young and her father, and we know she disappeared, we’re not sure how. Moon Young’s flashback seems to show two different women being killed, and we don’t know if any of them is her mother. But Moon Young believes that her mother can’t harm anymore once she finds the prince again, just like Rapunzel she stays by his side and makes him be able to see. Metaphorically this is what Moon Young is doing for Gang Tae, she’s trying to make him see her beneath the assumptions that she’s unfeeling, she’s trying to make him see who she really is not who she made him think she was, she’s trying to make him see that he also can be free and heal. And the prince once he begins to see stays with Rapunzel and they live happily ever after. Except…

ROMEO AND JULIET

We are also told another tale and the previous fairy tales also allude to this. You can read my previous analysis to know more. We are alluded to the story of Romeo and Juliet, and also shown imagery linked to it by the balcony scene in both episodes 5 and 6. This is not a good foreshadowing to the story again. I mentioned that red shoes means that eventually Moon Young will choose to let Gang Tae go, we see that this was correct because she chose to let him go in the past to save him, I said that this meant that something will show up later that will cause our couple to be separated again. And this is shown through the shadowing of Romeo and Juliet. The idea that the families are against each other already foreshadows that the actions of her father and mother, will be negative towards Gang Tae’s family. And we already know something has happened to Gang Tae’s mother, there’s a murder that we’re still trying to unveil. I also said from the beginning that Moon Young tearing butterflies is because she was involved somehow in murder of the mother, because the murder is alluded with the imagery of butterflies. Wouldn’t it be ironic if the same butterflies haunting Gang Tae and Sang Tae is also Moon Young mother who is haunting Moon Young and her father? I already agreed to this that Moon Young’s mother was either a serial killer, or was not afraid to kill women who she thought were better than her, or obstacles. This is why she’s a great murder detective novelist. I’m now 80% sure she was the person who killed Gang Tae’s mother which means that once that is unveiled, Moon Young and Gang Tae will separate again because of trauma, anger and hurt. Just like in Romeo and Juliet, the teens are forced to separate that they choose death once they see freedom is futile. Though Moon Young mentions that, that could have been sorted out through communication if both of them chose to sleep.

What made me happy however is that Rapunzel is a happy ending, we are right now watching the part where the prince and Rapunzel reunited and started a family. We are seeing a found family with Gang Tae and Moon Young and her illustrator and manager. I can see the warmth return back to the cursed castle and Gang Tae has chosen to stay by Moon Young’s side, he is starting to SEE just like the prince.

Ps...

Before I go, I know this post is sooo long. Sorry there’s just so much to say. The imagery of the show mentions thorns again. I mentioned how in sleeping witch, thorns were disguised as a rose to make Beauty fall for the curse, in this story the prince was also tricked by the witch in disguise as Rapunzel and she led him to climb up until she pushed him to fall into the thorns. In sleeping witch thorns trapped her and made her succumb to her curse, in Rapunzel thorns prevent the prince from finding Rapunzel. I thought this was interesting, could the thorns represent the trauma that has scarred each of our character’s hearts, could it be harshness of the world stabbing them in the back cause they’re different, or could it just represent Moon Young’s mother in all of their lives, she is the reason why trauma, anger and pain is happening to the characters, and she might return again. I’m also scared how she could return because if there’s anything foreshadowed it shows that not all good things are good in this show, so she probably will be a disguise as something pleasant. Let’s keep our eyes out.

Okay this is my full analysis on Rapunzel, and I will try and do Bluebeard later this week. But again I’m enjoying this show, I find it surprising when I analyse and it makes sense, or when the show agrees with my theories. Can’t wait for Saturday.

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Lullabies

A bad mission leaves you unable to sleep. Luckily, you’re not the only one awake in the compound.

-

           “Alright, I’m out!” You said loudly, standing up from the couch. The others in the room, Nat, Clint, and Wanda, were all arguing over an episode of Forensic Files. They all acknowledged you as you stood up. Tonight was their intervention, after all. It was the first time you’d been social since the big mission incident happened.

           “Promise me you’ll sleep tonight!” Nat called out. You walked into the kitchen, not expecting to see Steve filling up his gigantic water bottle. He was a friend, a good one, but you hadn’t spoken much since it happened. You just felt like you let him down, and it was the last thing you wanted to do.

           You’d been on your own until Tony, your dad’s best friend from childhood, took you in, gave you a serum when your heart threatened to be the cause of your death, and gave you a kickass suit to go with it. And then you were almost an Avenger, but not quite. You were grateful, really – it gave you some of the best friends you’d ever had. Nat was like a mom to you, and Tony was the closest thing you had to a father. You’d been there for six months until the dreaded mission last week.

           You’d been the only survivor out of your team of five. You’d been tortured, in every way possible. You were so shaken up that you barely slept for the past week. The bruises weren’t fading. Neither were the memories, and it left you completely unable to sleep, much less do anything but lay in bed and feel guilty for surviving. Nat had finally drawn you out of your room with Chinese food and everyone else had joined until you were all arguing over the ICBY murders.

           “Good night, Y/n,” Steve said with a little smile. His smiles were always warm. He was sweet – you considered him a friend, even though most of your conversations were light-hearted.

           “Good night, Steve,” you replied with a smile. You walked into your room and got in bed. And you tried to sleep. This time, for whatever reason, it came. Maybe it was because you could hear everyone else in the living room and it was comforting. It helped you to understand that you weren’t alone anymore.

           Sleep paralysis had been taking over every time you closed your eyes, and this time was no exception. Tonight it was the bad guy, staring down at you with a gun in one hand and gauntlet in the other. And you tried to scream for anyone who was awake still, it was so real and you couldn’t move your body, but nobody came. Maybe it was because it was late. Maybe it was because you weren’t really screaming, but you couldn’t take it. You woke up gasping, your throat sore, tears streaming down your face. It felt like you were being strangled again. You turned your body toward the air conditioner to get a clear breath.

           “Shit,” you murmured. It was 2:26 AM. You felt like you were suffocating, and without even taking your phone, you slipped out of your room and let it lock behind you. The hallway was dark, the only lights coming from the floor-to ceiling windowed view of the city, and it was calming. It was cool, too, Tony always kept the building freezing cold. One of the back lights in the kitchen was on, and you sighed. There was only one thing that could make you feel better. When you were a kid your mother always made chocolate chip cookies when you were upset. She’d hand them over to you, warm and gooey, and you would eat as many as you could until it knocked you out.

           So you got a pan out as quietly as you could and searched in the fridge until you found your secret stash of cookies. You resisted to eat the dough and set them on the pan, heating the oven and setting them in. You always took them out before they were done anyway, so it didn’t matter.

           “FRIDAY, play the Office in the living room and set a timer for cookies.” The corner of the room glowed in response.

           “Hey!” A familiar New York accent knocked you out of your daze as you heard the theme song start playing. It was Steve. You quickly ran in.

           “I’m sorry!” You exclaimed. “I had no idea anyone was in here, I thought everyone was asleep.” He was half asleep, still, but he smiled.

           “I did too,” he answered dryly.

           “No, I’m sorry. What were you watching?” You took a seat on the couch, all the way across from Steve.

           “Honestly? 60 Minutes.” You let out a laugh.

           “Of course you would, old man.”

           “I’m not that old.”

           “You’re a hundred years old.”

           “I’m not!” He tried to say. But he sighed. “What are we watching?”

           “The Office. Everyone in my generation thinks it’s comedic gold. I do, too. It makes me feel better when sleep paralysis wakes me up.” You were freezing. You wish you had taken a blanket with you, or grabbed the one that was sitting by Steve. Steve could see that you were cold, too. He could see the chill bumps on your skin in the dark. He could see the dried tears on your face and decided he should probably have a little more conversation with you before bringing that up.

           “So, uh, what’s it about?”

           “An office.” Steve chuckled at how dumb he was.

           “Yeah, I should’ve realized that.”

           “It’s about a paper company. You might hate it. It’s weird humor, honestly.”

           “Yeah, well, I might like it too.” He grinned. Whenever he did that, you couldn’t help but do the same. It was contagious. His optimism, even after everything, and his faith in the world made you want to be more like him. And he and Bucky were the only ones who could possibly know what you went through with the serum. Not to mention he was gorgeous. He had the perfect hair, perfect teeth. He was twice your size and for some reason you wanted him to crush you. He was a giant teddy bear. He was a sweetheart, but he always said what was on his mind. He wouldn’t lie to you. He had no reason to.

           “Y/n,” FRIDAY caught your attention, “your cookies are almost done.” You jumped a little bit. Steve must have noticed how jumpy you were, and it made him a little upset. Why didn’t you feel safe?

           “Cookies?” He asked. You got up – the oven had an auto shut-off for when they were done, and by the time you got over there you just grabbed a random dish towel to take them out of the oven with. You slid them onto a paper plate, took paper towels as napkins, and brought them back to the living room.

           “Did you wake up in the middle of the night to make cookies?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. He sat up slightly, motioning for you to sit beside him. You were a little nervous, just because he was him, even though you’d done it in countless meetings or when everyone was piled into the room. But this was different. You were alone.

           “No,” you admitted. “My mom used to make them whenever I woke up in the middle of the night. I used to have really bad nightmares.”

           “Did, or still do?” It slipped out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying. “Sorry.” You took a cookie from the plate and started eating. They were the most comfort you had in a long time. Or maybe it was Steve, or a mix of both.

           “Still do. I just can’t go back to sleep after,” you answered. “You can have one.” He smiled and took one from the top of the plate.

           “I can’t either. Back before I went into the ice they never really had a word for how you felt when you’d come back from war or a car accident or anything you felt like you shouldn’t survive. Now they do, and it’s almost as bad as not having a word at all.”

           “I’m used to it now. It just makes me mad that it affected me this much.”

           “Yeah, it does me too. But you know, kid, my door’s always open. You can always come talk to me. I get it.”

           “We’re talking now, aren’t we?” You eyed the blanket. Even with the warm cookies you were eating, you still felt cold. “Can you hand me the blanket?”

           “Yeah, of course.” He passed you the fluffy blue blanket that you were pretty sure Clint had brought in and never taken back. You wrapped it over yourself, leaning back on the couch. “I don’t know what you went through back there, but…”

           “I haven’t even told Tony. The only people that know are me and Fury and Nat.” Steve nodded, looking down.

           “Why not?”

           “Because that makes it feel real.” Thinking about that night just made your skin crawl and it made you almost start crying. “Everyone wants to know and if I tell them then they’ll just feel sorry for me. I set myself up for that, for all of this. I told them I could handle it, but…”

           “You’re handling it,” he interrupted. “Trust me. TV and cookies is way better than the way I used to handle things.” You sighed.

           “I’m sorry I’m dumping on you. And I changed your TV. You probably came out here to be alone and I just…”

            “Shut up, Y/n. I like spending time with you. And I like that you brought me cookies when you didn’t have to share them. I’m glad I’m not the only one awake in the middle of the night.” You felt a little better. He wouldn’t lie to you. He wasn’t like that. What you wanted, more than anything, was just to curl up next to him. You needed human contact and suddenly you needed him. You realized that you didn’t feel safe because of the cookies or the TV. You felt safe because Steve was there.

           “Do you come out here every night?” You asked, trying to change the subject a little.

           “Pretty much. Sometimes I’ll go to the gym. But sitting here feels much better than punching things. Sitting with you, I should say.” He gave you a small smile, hoping that it would be returned.

           “You’re lying.”

           “No. I’m not. Can I tell you somethin’?” You nodded. “When they said there was only one survivor, I was hoping it was you. Not that I wanted everyone to die, I just… I couldn’t take seeing you, dead, because you don’t deserve that. And I didn’t want to not get the chance to tell you how I feel about you. Even if it is kinda stupid.”

           “What do you mean?” You couldn’t see very much in the darkness of the room, since the credits were playing, but you could see a faint look of something in his eyes that reminded you of home.

           “I mean I care about you. More than I should. It’s dangerous, I know that. It can get you killed, I know that. I don’t expect anything in return, especially not from you, but… I really like you. You’re smart and funny and you’re so good at what you do, even when it doesn’t look like it.”

           You sat up, throwing the blanket aside, and walked over to him. You were so close to him that you could smell his breath. Cookies. You wrapped your arms around him, nearly bursting into tears because of the sheer amount of time you’d gone without anyone saying they cared about you. You were happy because somebody cared about you this much.

           “I like you too,” you said. He hugged you tightly, so tightly that you thought you might burst even though you had the same amount of strength as he did. He rubbed your back up and down for a minute, sighing against you, and ran a hand through your hair.

          “I’m not worth cryin’ over, doll,” he pointed out.

           “I’m a crybaby.” He laughed softly. It was as warm and comforting and safe as the chocolate chip cookies you’d made. You finally let him go, even though it was only to cuddle up against him. You offered some of the blanket to him and he took it, leaning down. He eventually moved until you were right beside him, holding you so you wouldn’t fall off the couch.

           “So what do you say we get some coffee tomorrow morning?” He asked.

           “I’d like that.”

           “Good.” You must have fallen asleep with him, because you woke up the next morning in the same place, muscles sore, and the blanket had been kicked off of you. He woke up at the same time and just smiled down at you.

           “I should probably go take a shower. If you still want coffee, that is,” you said.

           “Yeah. I’ll meet you back here in an hour.” You pulled yourself away from him, standing up, and sighed. “I’ll put the cookies up, don’t worry about it.”

           “Thank you,” you responded. He smiled at you and started cleaning up the couch area. You walked into the hallway, about to head to your room, but lo and behold, Wanda was standing there with a grin on her face. “What?”

           “You spent the night with Steve. Didn’t you?” She asked.

           “Not like that. We just both fell asleep. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get ready for our date.”

           “You’re dating?”

           “Shh, not yet, just… We talked most of the night.” She smiled.

           “He’ll be good for you.” You scoffed and typed the code into the pad to get into your room. Once you did a fingerprint scan, the door flew open. You certainly hoped he would be good for you, because last night was the first time you’d slept in what felt like forever. He was a better lullaby than the chocolate chip cookies, that was for sure. 

A/N: I hope you like this! I loved writing it. 

[hcldenbitch]

wanna play 20 questions?

what are 3 flaws your character has?

3 of holden’s biggest flaws are; he deprives himself of any sort of affection. sure, he’ll come fuck you, but the second you start trying to be weird and cuddle after he’s gotta go. he was told a few times by a shit ex that he was OVERLY affectionate, so he took that as a hint to fucking stop altogether. he likes to think he can take care of himself, he can handle any sort of chaos that comes his way with no problem, but the fact is, holden struggles A LOT when it comes to being responsible, or when something unexpected happens. he likes to think that he’s got his addiction under control - and for the most part, he does - but holden struggles with it every single day and just doesn’t know how to deal with it. therefore, he buries his dick in someone and calls it taken care of when the itch of wanting something comes around. 

what are 3 insecurities your character has?

holden’s always afraid that he’s gonna relapse. whilst he has a pretty okay grip on his addiction, the temptations are ALWAYS there - especially with the company he keeps around. holden’s also insecure that he’s gonna be alone all his life - whilst he has a load of people he talks to all the time, there’s a few he really considers his friends / family. but he has that voice in the back of his mind always telling him that they’re just keeping him around as not to hurt his feelings. he really struggles with his health in general - his mental health is a fucking nightmare; with constant nightmares when he’s capable of falling asleep, to sleep paralysis demons, to full on panic attacks holden doesn’t feel it’s anything he needs to talk to anyone about. he’s always telling himself ‘well, if you hadn’t fucked up your life then maybe you wouldn’t have so many fucking issues’ and refuses to be a burden to anyone. he likes to play like he’s superman, but he isn’t.

what is something your character is most proud of?

the thing holden is most proud of, is his career. for someone that wandered the streets, selling himself, drugs, and even going as far as stealing, this is a huge accomplishment for him. and he’s amazed that so many people can appreciate his work as well. holden puts his heart and soul into each and every tattoo and sketch that he does because he wants people to be fucking proud to have his art on them for good.

where does your character feel most comfortable?

the tattoo parlor. holden finds himself at ease at love hate tattoo, the people there are his kind of people, the clients are always interesting, and holden gets to show off his skills. so when he’s there, he feels like he just belongs in the space, and no one is sitting and judging him.

where do they feel most uncomfortable?

anywhere that he’s alone. holden and being alone have never gone hand in hand - before johan arrived to the apartment for residency holden was never there. if he had to be, he made sure he had someone over. if not, he’d be out in the bars, finding company and solace in someone else. when he’s alone, he thinks too much, and when he thinks too much, he gets that itch for a line or two to shove up his nose. 

what are some hobbies of your character?

he’s a gym rat; holden absolutely loves being in the gym to keep up with his physique. ever since he’s been in recovery, building up muscle and tone so he doesn’t look like that lil sick, thin, deathly looking man he used to be. he actually likes hiking, too! anything that requires him to be outdoors, sign him up. he also has a drum set, but given that they live in an apartment he’s been unable to play it like he wants to.

are they more extroverted or introverted?

definitely extroverted. there’s not one person that holden wouldn’t talk to - if a brick wall would respond, you could bet your ass he’d have a conversation with it as well.

does your character have any scars, how did they get them?

holden has too many scars to even count. however, they’re mostly covered in black ink, or in places people can’t see and he prefers to keep it that way. most of them are from using needles to shoot up, some are self harm scars, some are just from being completely stupid. but a huge majority are due to his self sabotaging ways.

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father?

holden’s always been the black sheep of his family; his mom and dad had his life planned out for him before he even arrived on earth. the meant to be lawyer was anything but what they expected. a rambunctious, rowdy, and hard to get anything done kid was their soon to be worst nightmare. once they found out that holden wasn’t going to comply to their expectations, and they found out that he was on drugs, they kicked him out and disowned him on the spot.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?

he has an older sister, elisabeth. the two of them haven’t spoken since she found holden overdosed in his apartment. 

has your character ever had a reoccurring dream or nightmare, what happened?

it’s very seldom that holden sleeps; he has insomnia and finds himself awake more often than not. when he does sleep, more often than not he’s paralyzed in bed whilst a figure that looks like a mixture of gollum and the broke neck lady ( from haunting of hill house ) looks over him and holds him down. nine times out of ten it starts with the creature just sitting on his chest, staring him down with drool just oozing from it’s shark like teeth. they then lean over holden’s face and breath this hot, sulfur smelling breath right in his face and they slowly start unhinging their jaw ( think pennywise in IT ), trying to eat holden’s face and he can’t move. so needless to say, if he can skip the sleep, he does.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?

holden just looks for someone that can be as annoying and as hilarious as he can. someone that doesn’t take life too seriously and he can just vibe with. as long as he can get along with you, that’s all that matters to him. ( they also gotta not mind him stealing their food whenever they go out to eat ).

what qualities does your character dislike in others?

people who take life too seriously. holden likes to think of himself as a jokester, so if you’re going to be around him and suck the fun out of every little thing, don’t even bother speaking to him because he will put you in your place. he also hates when people are overbearing, and naggy, and just a fucking negative nancy. 

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight?

fight definitely. holden has no issues taking a problem head on ( unless it’s a problem that relates to him ). if he sees someone in trouble, or if someone comes to him saying something happened - holden is the first one to ask where they are and how he can find them.

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone? have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?

saying it and meaning it, is something holden can’t bring himself to do because he truly thinks that love is some made up concept that he’ll never understand. faking it, that’s a different story. he just laughs and says thanks and goes about his day. holden has never said it without meaning it though, except the one time he told his ex right before they started getting bad. 

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?

holden’s convinced that he’s gonna come back reincarnated as one of the queen’s corgi dogs. and if they’re dead before he dies, he claims he’ll come back as a cricket so he can piss everyone off.

how does your character react toward children?

he hates them. they’re gross, needy, rude, they ain’t his cup of tea.

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?

holden’ afraid of swimming. he once nearly drowned during a swimming practice when he was 8 and ever since then, getting in the water - whether it be a pool, sprinkler, or ocean - he just ain’t having it.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?

it would more than likely be the moment he realized what love really was. when he felt it, it was unlike any other feeling in the world that he had ever encountered. and he would give up anything just to feel that little bit of happiness just one more time.

[ruvviks]

fear and hide for tiberius >:)

tiberius asks!

FEAR: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

tiberius is scared of death. he may not be quick to show it, especially not after getting infused with the children of atom's special boy radiation cocktail, but he is in fact terrified of dying. in any "regular" situation he cares very little about what happens to him and has a lot of self-destructive tendencies, but the SECOND he's done something that in the moment seems irreversible he starts to panic big time. wounds bother him very little but oh no, he can't seem to stop the bleeding and he starts getting a little light-headed? it's over. panic will take control and he will do anything in that moment to get someone to help him and to save him. it's not even really the act of dying itself, but moreso the moment in which the thought "there's a big chance i won't live to tell the tale" crosses his mind that he's just terrified of :(

tiberius is also pretty scared of a special type of feral ghoul that i don't have a name for yet, but they're kind of similar in appearance and behavior as these enemies from the evil within 2!! the idea is that they're a lot more recently turned ghouls in a slightly different way which causes them to be a lot more aggressive once they've been set off, but kinda in hunter-esque fashion. they're a lot quieter and actively stalk their victims rather than charging right at them, and while they ARE easier to kill than other feral ghouls due to radiation not yet giving them a health boost whatsoever, they are also a lot better at killing you, knowing exactly where to hit, slash, or bite to get their victim to die as quick as possible. any other type of feral ghoul can also make tiberius pretty nervous, especially the stronger types, but this one is just scary as hell because they are a lot more likely to outsmart you in combat

HIDE: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

tiberius hides a Lot. most of it is not even on purpose, he's just not one to quickly share stuff about himself and just in general doesn't speak unless spoken to. he most often hides new scars and wounds from his loved ones as to not want to have them worrying about him, and for a good while he doesn't open up to anyone about what happened when the children of atom just kinda took him in for a couple of weeks. he's never told anyone about the horrible nightmares and the sleep paralysis that followed after getting the radiation cocktail, and also doesn't want to tell anyone now that That's settled that he sleeps like a brick instead and sometimes worries he won't wake up in the morning

tiberius simply has a lot of trouble opening up to people. he's been hurt before in a variety of ways and being vulnerable with other people especially in a harsh world like the one he's found himself in is simply just something he can't afford to do :( if anyone asks about anything, he will be willing enough to talk about it, but still often tries to talk around the truth or be as vague as humanly possible; it really takes quite some effort to get him to be straightforward with you about how he's feeling, which is a very big contrast with how he usually talks since with everything else he prefers to be as direct as possible

[signaturedish]

A question for ur TF fic. What if when Harry gets turned he's like, younger? When it happens I mean (He is 10 right?) Like, five or something maybe? What would change? How would the bots and cons react? How would Harry react?

Hey you! Sorry that took a hot minute. 

Yeah, Harry’s ten in the fic. 

The way I intended it was that he was clearly ten in his internal monologue right up until he was turned into a robobaby. Then the trauma on top of a completely different set of instincts had him thinking and behaving a good 5-3 years younger than his current age with a gradual upward incline as he got more comfortable and familiar with himself in later chapters. Right now in the narrative, he’s almost back to normal, we’re just waiting on a returning desire for independence which won’t happen until he’s secure in his relationship with Megs.

So to make him five, I think that drop in maturity would come off much more dramatically. He was a pretty independent human ten-year-old, resigned to his treatment as a servant, and capable on his own. A five-year-old Harry would be far newer to his servant status and much more unsure of himself from the getgo- Five-year-olds aren’t built for the kind of independence the Durselys expect from him, we’re right in the middle of those growing pains. 

Then we turn him into a robobaby. 

(I like the age I chose for Harry but sad baby Harry was so cute I made this a little long for more details, excuse my indulgence)

Appearance-wise he wouldn’t change much. He’s already too small and at the youngest growth stage, his internal programming would probably be more toddler-esque with a stronger inclination to cry for attention, a greater need for positive attention, and more automatic behaviors geared toward inciting those things. 

Oh and he keeps his lisp.

The first few days would be a nightmare, like constant crying, deeply distressed at all times, desperately reaching out to the scientists on blind instinct and getting reprimanded for it at every turn. A whole mess, a whole inconsolable mess, the scientists think there’s something fundamentally wrong with him, he’s incoherent past the point of even perceived aggression. 

Then Megatron makes his move. He’s been hearing what sounds like a newspark being tortured for hours and hours and now that he can see that it probably isn’t a sleep paralysis-level nightmare driving him to madness he needs to Handle This ASAP.

First problem- Harry isn’t responding to cool, logical instructions to communicate through comm. He’s way past regular conversation. 

This is eventually resolved when Megatron very clumsily takes the right stabs at comforting him. It takes hours, some sullen silences, panicking, maybe a soft reboot or two, but he does get there. Crooning lullabies, softer sentences, praise when Harry stops crying, Megatron is flying so blind it isn’t even funny but he’s not dumb, he can see it’s working.

The transformers view PA!Harry as a very gifted and mature toddler. This itty bitty little baby can fit so much serious thought and a burgeoning emotional intelligence in it so they try their best to accommodate and not come off terribly condescending. Success varies. 

Younger!Harry acts much truer to his appearance. So in general, how the TF crew thinks of Harry changes very little, but how they respond to him does.

Megatron is as soft as he can possibly be to the point of genuine pain. Harry is so much more emotionally dependant and lost that it’s less easy to drift back into overlord mode around him. You’ll note that Megatron doesn’t have another mode to switch to, just a rusty parental unit protocol set he’s never activated before. Soundwave gets called down immediately, surveillance be damned, he needs someone with caretaking knowledge and he needs them now. 

Bumblebee doesn’t really perceive the difference, he couldn’t clock Harry’s age in any au, he was kinda sure the bot was glitched initially. His genuine confusion when Harry kicks and screams and sobs like a very young child who’s thinnest thread of guidance was just ripped away from him by a lying yellow monster easily comes across as cruelty. The mistrust and fear/hatred Harry develops for him does not mellow for far longer than his stay with the Autobots.

On the bright side his meltdown makes the Autobots come to terms with their find much more quickly. They could hear the distress calls a mile from the dam and had a lot of the freakout there instead. 

Ironhide rips him out of Bumblebee’s cab while Jazz is split between hovering worriedly and tearing the scout to pieces for allowing him to get so worked up. Similar rough aesthetic and coloring to Megatron and an English accent help a great deal in calming Harry down and the rocking and lullabies do the rest. 

Every Autobot has his targeting systems on and a whole lot of automatic aggression coursing through them with the terror and pain of a sparkling still fresh in the air. After Bumblebee is brought to miserable apologies and Bonecrusher is ripped limb from limb they’re still pumped and ready to Throw Down with Megatron. But he just makes that deal to keep Harry safe and assures Harry that he’ll be okay with Optimus and Megs’ll be back soon. 

Harry is still distraught Megatron left him with strangers. But he’s there long enough to form those Autobot attachments, primarily with Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz.

Ironhide doesn’t put him down much at all, even when Harry tries to hide it, he gets anxious all alone on the cot and much prefers the nook between pauldron and helm to cuddle in and listen to growly war stories and life lessons. He sleeps up there whenever possible too. Ironhide can tell all this and happily allows it, staying stock-still for hours and gently rousing him whenever Harry begins to have a nightmare about the dam.

Ironhide’s perception hasn’t logically changed much, but the way Harry behaves ticks every box to drive him into an overprotective rampage, to the point that humans aren’t allowed within thirty feet of him and even the tiniest whimper has him hovering like three thousand pounds of promised death over his charge. 

They bond the closest, to the point that Ironhide could plausibly replace Megatron as Harry’s imprinted guardian (but he doesn’t).

Jazz and Ratchet share tertiary ‘older brother’ type roles in Harry’s life. Jazz reads to him, plays games with him, and holds him when Ironhide can’t be there. His playful casualness helps keep Harry calm and gets him to open up, but its not something he responds to as successfully. Camaraderie is appreciated but not something an insecure five-year-old always understands.

Jazz gains the most points correcting Optimus’ treatment of him and handling any humans who get into the hanger before Ironhide does something drastic. Thinks that play up his aptitude as a parental figure and devotion to keeping him healthy and safe. 

Ratchet...he really needs Harry’s observational skills and willingness to shoulder some emotional weight in the relationship, unfair or not. Without the ability to deliver the reassurance Ratchet needs, in addition to possessing a much more fragile disposition himself, it can be difficult for Ratchet to interact with Harry. He keeps to himself when Harry doesn’t ask for him or need treatment and they read rejection in each other’s hesitance too often for Harry to pursue the affection fit to burst in Ratchet.

Ratchet would 100% die for him and is right up there with Ironhide as his most aggressive defender, but he isn’t a great source of comfort for Younger!Harry. He wins his points through being the best cuddler, hands down, and praising him most often. Soft moments when neither of them are shy or afraid are where they’re closest.

Optimus is weirdly like Bumblebee here. He has Harry clocked as infant but god knows that that’s supposed to mean. He doesn’t have a mode outside of Prime to switch to for Harry and the stumbling we see in PA is him doing his very best. He’s not dumb, he recognizes that Harry isn’t emotionally mature enough to be spoken to the way he might mistakenly speak to him in PA, but he doesn’t have any other words. There’s a lot of frustrated staring and helpless silences here. 

Jazz tries his best to gently encourage some softer interactions and Ironhide is raring to punish his Prime if he dares misstep with his sparkling charge, tensions stay a little high.

With Soundwave planning Harry’s extraction, it goes off almost without a hitch, no sparklings were bitten in the attempt at least. Thundercracker might actually die depending on the plan. He has the most experience out of the Decepticons with immature and young bots via his own casseticons and a paternal disposition under all his cool logic. So he’s bustling around like an expectant mother, training up all the other Cons in grueling exercises and curriculum to get them up to his standards of child rearing aptitude and childproofing the base.

Megatron really does appreciate some tangible, reliable instructions. He’d appreciate it even more if he wasn’t a little bit threatened by how confident and capable Soundwave is when interacting with Harry. Soundwave quickly becomes the second favorite- almost on par with Ironhide.

Barricade is terrified of Harry in that way twenty-somethings are terrified when married friends give them babies and then leave to do something. This is way too important and delicate for him and someone pleaserescuehimitsgettingcloserohmygod-

Thundercracker is much more cautious handling Harry. We haven’t gotten there yet in PA, but he’s kind of the fun uncle who definitely goads Harry into things partially to get under Meg’s skin. Not so when Harry is more openly vulnerable and clumsy, now we’ve got a little baby chick who needs to stay in his nest and be warm and safe. Gliding will happen much, much later. If ever.

Harry was affected by how the scientists treated him to the point of being intensely shy around friendly, good humans and flatly terrified of anyone else. Megatron hunted down every remaining SS agent with Soundwave’s help to finish the job for that.

Eventually, Harry would feel more secure and comfortable and would start wanting to be on the ground and playing with less parental bots instead of carried everywhere by his guardians, but that recovery is achieved at the Decepticon base after some weeks have passed.

Okay and I think that’s it! Thanks for asking!! I had probably too much fun...