#do some background check on her life post your breakup. You can also talk to your common friends who were in touch with her to know if she i

[halfabreath]

Holster goes on Survivor after graduating, part 2

here! we! go! part one here, tag here

so Holster's got a strategy to update and an ex lover to deal with and like. He and Esther didn't end great.

I feel like we don’t talk enough about why Holster’s chirped so much for hooking up with Esther in canon? Like there’s mention of a rash and a saga that requires an email but we don’t really know?

but essentially Holster likes Esther and is made fun of for it and I can’t imagine that feels good for her? And they probably didn’t do it in front of her but surely that’s not great for anyone’s mindset

Holster and Esther start dating after Winter Screw and she’s so enamored with this sweet dork who sings to himself while he brushes his teeth but the second he’s around his friends she feels like he doesn’t change per se but he showcases such different parts of himself and she likes what he doesn’t show! She’s into that! But that’s Holster like a large percentage of the time and Esther’s got a life of her own so they’re on again off again, Esther doesn’t come to kegsters or games and things fizzle and reignite a couple of times until Holster becomes a captain

Esther knows in her bones Holster will never ever ever ever ever ever choose her over his team (especially Ransom, like what’s the deal there?) and honestly Esther Does Not Enjoy having intimate conversations about how things make her feel and she’s really good at talking her way around her problems so when They break up Esther’s trying to articulate how she feels around SMH she says “I hate who you are when your uniform is on” and for Holster, who’s entire identity rests on being on A Team (literally his position on the team is being part of a tiny two person team within the larger team) this is his life this is what makes him happiest this is how he feels most himself so Holster hears “I hate the thing that makes you you”

So yeah! They broke up and then avoided each other and didn’t really get closure but also neither of them are bitter, it just felt kind of like “man I miss hanging out with them but yikes who was I at that point??”

of COURSE the first challenge involves the exes having to work together in pairs for their tribe and it’s a clusterfuck and Esther is downright cold to him. She’s sending him all the bad vibes in the world and Holster’s now legitimately worried he destroyed her life with their breakup because there’s some tangible animosity there and then they lose the first challenge and Holster’s wondering why he even got out of bed this morning when Esther pops up behind him and says “come with me, I need your long ass arms for coconuts”

The SECOND they’re out of earshot from the camp Esther‘s like “I’m really sorry I was so mean but I think it’s a huge advantage for the rest of the exes to think we hate each other so they don’t suspect an alliance”

Holster: So you don’t hate me? We’re good?

Esther: Good isn’t the word I’d use, Adam

Holster: That’s fair, I wasn’t a very good boyfriend. But I’ve got your back and we’re going to the top three, you good with that? Here, have a coconut wait let me open it for you

Bada bing bada boom, alliance

Don't get me wrong, it's awkward. Like, really awkward. The vibe of this island is uncomfortable and the near-constant rain for the first five days certainly doesn’t help and their tribe loses three immunity challenges in a row so this alliance is TESTED but Esther and Holster always surreptitiously check in by having lightning fast strategy sessions by the well or when everyone has left camp and they’re SO careful to maintain the illusion that they hate each other when they’re actually earning back trust day by day

Holster’s SUPER helpful around camp. He always offers to carry heavy things and makes people laugh and always knows exactly where the machete is and delivers coconuts to people when they’re resting but it’s miserable

There’s this SWEET moment where, after watching Esther shiver for three days straight Holster takes the machete to the woods and cuts off the bottom half of his sweatshirt to make a scarf/towel/wrap for Esther and they pretend like she did it out of spite and honestly? It’s a power move that helps Holster gain access to this smaller faction of people so they have more intel because the other contestants are like this helpful strong idiot need someone to look out for him

It also means Holster’s running around this island in a cropped sweatshirt and compression shorts

The Himbofication of Adam Birkholtz is complete

And even though Holster’s constantly surrounded by people, hungry, wet, participating in incredibly strenuous physical challenges, and at Tribal Council every night it’s still better than having to hear Ransom say they’ll never be together

Esther can fully tell Something Is Up. At first she just thought it was the stress of the game and the circumstances but then during a challenge she and Holster are on a platform way out in the water waiting for their turns on a relay race and they’re actually completely alone for the first time in days and she absolutely uses that time to interrogate Holster because she’s efficient, damn it

And Holster’s annoyed she’s taking his head out of the game and he’s exhausted and hungry and he’s the last leg of their team which means if he loses they all go to Tribal AGAIN and he can’t let his team down, he really can’t so the whole thing bursts out because he just wants her to stop and it goes like:

Esther: Look, I know you’re annoyed but you’re not telling me something and I think you can see why that would be concerning to me given the fucking context

Holster: It doesn’t have anything to do with the game, you know I’d never jeopardize this for us

Esther: No, that’s not what I think it’s just -

Holster: Holy hell, all I did was tell Ransom that I’m in love with him, are you happy?? NOW SWIM, SHAPIRO

Esther, while diving: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Holster, under his breath: that makes one of us, you could have told me. saved me a lot of time. Rude.

So now Holster’s just admitted this before his ex and 7 million viewers and oh yeah he’s gotta swim through an obstacle course so he and his team can eat today

And finally, FINALLY, their tribe wins. Holster gives it everything he’s got to gain ground (water?) and win it for the team and he’s just laying in the sand, trying desperately to catch his breath, Jeff Probst screaming in the background, while his whole tribe swarms him and if he closes his eyes he swears he can feel the ice under his feet and hear the clack of the sticks and pucks and it’s the first celly he’s earned in years and it feels incredible but it makes him ache for Samwell

Jeff notices that he’s tearing up and of COURSE asks what it’s all about and Holster’s swallowing back tears when he says “I’ve spent my whole life playing on one team or another and after graduating from college I suddenly wasn’t? And I didn’t know how much I missed it until I was on a team again and I even though I love my friends I think this is the first time I’ve let myself admit that things aren’t like they used to be and that I’m not, either”

So Ether’s watching her ex cry on national television and for the first time she understands exactly how deeply he loves his team? And how hard he tries to make them proud of him? And suddenly a lot of their relationship makes a hell of a lot more sense

After the challenge Holster’s laying in a hammock and Esther rolls into it with him and just says “We’re good. Top three?”

Holster, beaming: Bro! Top three!

Esther: What did I tell you about calling me bro when we’re cuddling

Holster: I thought that only applied to post-coital romantic cuddling? Unless of course you’re trying to tell me that you’re ARDENTLY in love with me

Esther: shut up

Holster: a heart full of LOVE a heart full of SONG NO FEAR NO REGRET A NIGHT AS BRIGHT AS DAY -

Ether: Hi, guys?? can someone vote me off this island please?

Part 3 coming soon!! This is so much!! But I fuckin love it!!

[heyheshi]

Love Me Again

2.2k words

written and uploaded: August 9, 2020

🌙 - angst

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!!

I wrote this as a thank you for your support this past month! I've been writing here for exactly a month now! Also thank you for 100 followers! I love you all!!

Y/N - your name

Y/S/N - your second name (middle name)

Y/L/N- your last name

Masterlist

_________

It has been almost 7 months since you and Harry broke up after being together for two years. You're disappointed to say the least, you thought you were going to marry him at some point in your life but then one evening he told you that your relationship was 'too much to handle at the moment'.

Of course, you being you decided to agree with him even though deep inside you don't want to break up. You understood where he was coming from, you were both still young and only at the peak of your careers and the distance often became too much.

You love him, you really do and you would have fought for your relationship if it wasn't for the look of tiredness in his eyes. You tried, he tried, but somehow in the middle, it wasn't enough - so you let him go.

It was really difficult for you to deal with the breakup - neither you or him dated other people, or at least not that you know of - having to pack your bags and move out of your shared home to a different city is already tough but you know that seeing him with someone else will shatter you.

He's more successful than he did the last time you saw him, awards after awards, deals after deals, more fans and more recognition for him and you couldn't be prouder, after all, partly the reason you broke up is his job and you'll be damned if you found out that you let your relationship go for nothing.

You're happy. You focused on your job and your family, saved enough money to buy your own car and helped at this local charity that supports disabled children but it wasn't enough. You are happy but you aren't fulfilled and you know what - or rather who - is the missing piece.

You haven't heard anything from him, only catching him on the news every now and then with your busy schedule, unlike before. So here you are now, busying yourself in hopes that you'll magically stop thinking about him every second, on a Saturday morning on your local park for the weekly charity work you do.

After your break up, you decided to help this charity to keep you busy and since you love kids, it’s hard for you to stay away. Every week, there's a feeding program for the children along with a few gifts and games for them with the help of some of the donator.

Today was like every other week, you fed the children and now one of the friend you made here is hosting a game for the kids. Later on you'll give them lunch then a guest will read them a book and bond with them before the day ends.

Speaking of the guest, you haven't met them, you've been busy with the food and you shake your head at yourself - 'I should have greeted them, shame on you Y/N, they're your guests!'

Quickly retouching your hair a bit to find the other guests, you bumped to Jessie, another helper in this charity, "oh I'm so sorry Y/N!", she frantically said, maneuvering over you.

"Hey hey, wait! Was there a problem?", you asked your friend before looking back at the kids to check if there's something wrong.

"Yes, I left something on the building! It was the prizes for the kids! Oh god they're gonna be so sad if I didn't bring it here on time!", Jessie stressed while running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll go get it. Yo-"

"It's my fault, Y/N, I'll get it!"

"I have my car", you took your car keys from you loops of your jeans and showed her, "will you take care of the food?"

Sighing in relief, Jessie nods, "of course!", she hugged you, "you're a life saver! Thank you so much!"

"It's no problem at all, now I gotta go!", you walked backwards to your car while waving at her.

That was almost two hours ago, the building wasn't far, only a 20 minute drive but the traffic on Saturday's always horrendous and it doesn't help that you forgot to ask Jessie where she stored the prizes and that no one is answering their phones.

Locking your car while you clutch two big bags full of toys towards the tent where you can see a glimpse of the children listening quietly to the guest that's reading them a story.

You found Jessie went to her, "you made it!", helping you with one of the bags, "I had to make an excuse to the children about how the guests couldn't wait to read them stories! Thank God they bought it!"

You laughed at her relief, "couldn't find it! You forgot to tell me where you put these stuff!", bumping your shoulders on hers, "I'm charging you for my gas! Traffic was horrible!"

"I know! I know! So sorry about that! By the way have you meet the guests?", her eyes went wide while mentioning your guests.

"Haven't had the time", you sigh overexaggerately, "supposed to, before I bumped in to you!"

"Come on! I'll introduce you to them!", she took your right arm and pulled you towards the kids, "they're like crazy famous and the-"

"Mister Harry Styles! You're up! Kids give Mister Styles around of applause!"

Shit shit shit shit shit, you paused in your tracks making Jessie look at you. On the background you can hear Harry introduce himself to the kids and starting to read the title of the story.

It has been a long time since you last heard his voice in person and it gave you flashbacks but you have to stay strong, you're not here for him, you're here for the kids.

Deciding that it was for the best to stay as low-key as possible, you excused yourself from Jessie and went to the other tent where the other stuff were placed.

No one here knew that you dated Harry, you opted on using your first name when you moved here, knowing his fans might notice you since you grew up with everyone calling you by your second name.

You busied yourself with everything you see, childish - it is, but you don't know if you can face him as much as you miss him.

You heard the children cheered so you went to look at the commotion. Harry just finished reading the story then one of the kids raised their hand.

"Mister Styles I'm Dolly. What is your favorite part of the story?"

"Call me Harry, Dolly. Probably the part where the character realized how wrong he was for doing the things he did...", Harry answered then another kid raised their hand, "Yes?"

"I'm Brady, um have you ever experienced that? Letting something go then regretting it? My dog had a puppy but we had to give her puppy away because we can't afford another pet and our dog looks sad all the time now."

You continued to listen to the interaction between Harry and the kids, interested on his personal answer.

"I'm so sorry about your dog and puppy and I did. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. In your terms, I was you and the dog at the same time. I had to let someone go then quickly regret it, I was miserable but time heals and I'm sure your dog will be happy soon!"

After a few more questions, Harry stepped out of the small stage to take some pictures with the kids. You went back on the other tent to hide.

His answer on the second question made you think but as fast as the thought came to your mind, you dismissed it. 'It's not important anymore.'

"Y/N! You haven't met our guests!", Jessie yelled from the other tent making you look up to her and then closed your eyes tightly.

You saw Harry and a few other people beside him, the kids now receiving their prizes with the help of the other people who helps with the charity.

You turned your back around them to compose yourself then walked towards them as you don't want to seem rude to the sponsors.

"Mister Harry Styles and Mister Jeff Azoff, Missus Mary Richardson and Miss Lisette Raj, this is Y/N Y/L/N, one of our helpers out here!", Jessie introduced you while you smiled at the 3 other people, avoiding eye contact with Harry.

You knew Jeff, of course, you met him a few times and by the way Harry stiffens, it seems like he connected the dots even with your second name being used.

"Y/S/N, it's a surprise to see you here!", Jeff greeted you using your second name, the one everyone from before knew you by as he pulled you in a hug.

"Oh you two know each other? What a coincidence!", Jessie mused.

You uncomfortably chuckled, "yes, we do..."

"It's so nice to meet you Miss Y/L-"

"Please call me Y/N!", you smiled at Mary, "thank you so much for donating! We appreciate it, especially the kids!"

"It was always a pleasure to help! Harry wanna say something?", Lisette tried to joke but you, Harry and Jeff didn't laugh.

Harry cleared his throat and put his hands on his back, "thank you so much for having us, the kids are great!", looking at you straight in the eyes.

You shifted on your place and replied, "no, thank you.", you nodded your head and smiled tightly, "if you all don't mind I'm gonna go and check on the kids, yea?"

"We'll join you!", Mary proposed nudging Lisette. You only nodded at them and started walking.

"Wait! I- miss Y/L/N, can I talk to you for a second?", Harry's voice made you stop, turning around slowly you answered him a small 'yes' then walking back.

"I'll join Mary and Lisette.", Jeff said before he waved goodbye. Jessie looked at you questionably before joining the kids.

You and Harry walked a bit far away in complete silence until Harry started talking.

"Y/N huh?"

"Yea, it's my name."

"No, your name is Y/S/N!", Harry retorted so you stopped walking and faced him.

"Things changed.", you said looking at him in the eyes.

Harry sigh, "I'm so sorry Y/S/N..."

"Me too. I'm so sorry I fell in love with you in the first place."

"I- no! Did you regret it? Us?", Harry tried to meet your eyes but you refused.

"I don't know, you tell me", you looked at his eyes at last, "did you?"

You're met with silence as Harry pondered. You can feel your heart beating so fast, scared of what his answer might be, finally, "the only thing I regret was letting you go..."

"Oh come on, I was just joking!", you tried to laugh, "that was so long ago! Forget about it! I've moved on!", you poked his biceps hoping he wouldn't hear your uneasiness.

"Were you really? Because fuck! I'm being serious right now!", Harry raked his hand through his hair signifying his frustration, "was that it? Our two years? Have you really moved on?", his voice weakened as he speaks, quickly clearing his throat, "I mean of course I'm happy if you moved on! I just thought that maybe..."

"Maybe what?", you urged your ex.

"I don't know... what happened to us?", his voice cracked as he looked up to the sky.

"We broke up.", you deadpanned.

"I know, I'm so sorry about everything. I should have never let you go. I thought breaking up with you will make everything easier but I was wrong... so so wrong love..."

You didn't answer him knowing that you'll cry if you did.

"Are you happy?", Harry tried to coax an answer out of you.

"I am... you?", you doubted but answered anyway.

"I'm- I'm lost, so so lost. I thought everything will be fine but it wasn't.", Harry sobbed but wiped his tears as quickly as it came.

"You'll be okay, Harry. Us, you and me, it wasn't meant to be.", you tried to reason him.

He turned his body to you, "it was! But I was an idiot and if I can hold you in my arms again and say that you're mine for one last time, I'll do it in a heartbeat...", and that's when your first tear fall.

"Harry this is wrong!"

"I know! Being without you feels so wrong but we can make it right again! I'll do anything to have you back Y/S/N! I still love you.", he whispered.

"We can't."

"Are you seeing someone else?", the look on his eyes made your heart shatter, you only shake your head.

"Give me another chance, baby. I promise we'll take it slow, I'll do anything! Fuck anything love, just say it!", his desperate eyes met yours as he clutched both of your hand in his.

"But it was my fault too! I'm so sorry! But this," you motioned the space between the two of you, "I don't know!", you cried out.

Harry continued to beg, "it's okay baby but please, please, you were it for me love! I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

"Harry...", you whimpered.

"Y/S/N, love me again."

_____

[cloveroctobers]

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it 

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

[purplesurveys]

1252

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? I have a gray turtleneck and brown shorts at the moment.

What are on your feet right now? I never wear anything for my feet when I’m at home.

What color are your fingernails? I say this a lot on surveys but mine are never painted. Nothing against them, I’ve just never felt the need to spend on something like my nails.

What does your hair look like right now? I have apple hair at the moment to temporarily get rid of my bangs, which I am more than sick of at this point.

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

What was the last thing you two did together? The last time I saw Angela we went to the BTS pop-up store. I haven’t seen Andi since January, but when we hung out that evening we just had Korean barbecue and we also parked somewhere in UP to just talk about life in my car. My breakup had been fresh at the time and back then I just needed someone to whom I could vent.

What is (s)he doing right now? I’m sure Andi’s doing something with Leigh, maybe having a video call or something since I think they tend to have one every evening. I’m not sure what Angela’s up to but considering her replies have been a bit slow tonight, I guess she’s somewhat busy at home.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Angela just replied to something I sent her around 15 minutes ago but the exchange wasn’t meant to be a full-blown conversation, if that’s what you mean.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? Eh, I don’t have a crush these days; too obsessed with work to figure out what I find attractive lmaooooo. I do have a main celebrity crush and I might just cite them instead so that I can at least fill this section out. 

What does (s)he look like? Curly hair; mismatched eyes; moles underneath his right eye, on his nose, and on his lower lip, and the widest smile I’ve seen on any person.

What was the last thing you two talked about? He’s a celebrity crush...

Does (s)he make you smile? Yes.

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Edgardo.

What does he do for a living? He’s an executive chef for a luxury liner company. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half due to the pandemic and has stayed in the country this whole time, but we’ve *very* recently been informed that he can go back abroad in around two weeks! Of course it will suck letting go of him again after having him back for such a long time, but I’m just glad the family can finally be on track again, financially speaking. It had been something I’ve been worrying silently about.

What was the last thing you two did together? Had dinner last night, but we did that with the whole family too. We don’t really do things that’s just the two of us.

Do you get along better with him than your mother? Yes.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No. I’m not sure we have eBay here anyway.

Do you just shop around when you’re online? I don’t really shop ‘around.’ I usually have an idea of what I want to get myself, and it’s just a matter of finding the right shop from which to buy.

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? I know a couple of co-workers who love shopping, like Gabi.

Have you ever sold anything on it? I’ve never tried selling, but I’m actually in the middle of doing something for the very first time – I’ve decided to get into trading! I got my BTS Butter album yesterday but didn’t get to pull the photocard I was vying for – the pull I got, though, was of the most popular member, which means it would be a very easy trade. I put the trade offer up the other day and I finally got a match yesterday.

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? Like five minutes ago. I constantly check it.

How many friends do you have? Just checked and it says I have 686. I wanna get rid like half of them though.

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? Hmm, that doesn’t really happen.

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? Angela.

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? Yeah, I think I look up a random item or phrase at least once a day. Doesn’t hurt to learn a new thing each day. :)

What was the last thing you Googled? The K-Pop group g.o.d., since my teacher mentioned them in our Korean lessons earlier.

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? No, I haven’t used Bing in like 12 years.

What do you Google the most? Synonyms, I think, since I’m constantly writing for work.

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It’s a love-hate relationship most days because I hate how thick and frizzy it can be...but I recently had mine trimmed all the way up to my neck and for some reason it’s taken on a wavy form, which I didn’t expect to come out at all. And I’ve found that it actually suits me quite a bit, so I’m enjoying my hair for now.

What color is your hair? Black.

What does it look like right now? Slightly damp since I took a shower not too long ago.

What kind of shampoo for you use? Just a normal Dove one.

I - Ibuprofen 

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? I don’t think I’ve ever taken it? I usually take paracetamol...idrk the difference either. Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I only ever take medicine for headaches/migraines.

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean sure, I’m glad there are those who have been able to create products that can instantly relieve pain or discomfort, but I’m not obsessively grateful.

Do you have any right now? I don’t think we have any.

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? Nah, I already have one.

Where do you work? Media/PR industry.

Where would you work? I wouldn’t change jobs/industries. This is where I wanted to end up in, and I’m really really glad and fortunate to have landed here on my first shot, right out of college, and during a pendemic.

How much money would you like to get paid? An additional P5k (~$100) would probably be more satisfying, but considering my parents aren’t the traditional Filipino parents who suck 100% of my earnings right out of me the second payday comes, I’m able to enjoy a substantial chunk of money to myself, give them a portion of my earnings, and still be able to save.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? That would be my ex.

Will you next kiss be a mistake? I have no idea when that would be and with whom it will be shared, so I won’t be able to give you a definite answer.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Other than my dogs, nah.

Who was your first kiss? The aforementioned ex.

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My best friends. I’m also doing a whole lot better in the self-love department these days, so that too :)

Have you ever been in love before? Yeah.

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Sure. It feels light and comfortable, especially when it’s shared.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Because everyone feels love differently. < There we go.

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Abigail.

What is she doing right now? She was watching The Good Doctor the last time I checked on her like five minutes ago. It’s her latest obsession.

Where does she work? She works in the food and beverage department of a 5-star hotel in the city.

Do you two shop together a lot? I rarely do my shopping with either of my parents.

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Technically, I guess. My dad pays for it and we have a family account.

If not, what movies would you order? I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a movie before. Before streaming on Netflix, I just used to get illegal torrents lol.

Do you rent a lot of movies? I’ve never rented a movie. Was too young for it, I think.

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? No.

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? I don’t even live in the US. Never been there either. < Same.

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? I’m not familiar.

Have you ever been to Ohio? See first answer in this section.

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? Practicing on Duolingo. I had an extremely short period of using the app again a couple of months ago, but I lasted all of two days hahaha I had been trying to get back on learning Korean, but I enrolled in official lessons not long after that anyway so it didn’t make sense to continue the stages in the app.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nope. The people I’m talking to right now in between this survey are all welcome conversations.

Would you ever quit school? That wasn’t an option for me and I never would’ve done it anyway. 

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? No. Sometimes it can be the strongest thing you can do for yourself.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? Does my Korean lesson textbook count hahaha...if not, I haven’t really read anything in years.

Do you own a lot of books? I do, but they are all books from my childhood and teenage years. It’s been a while since I last updated my bookshelf.

Do you have a library card? No, haven’t had one since Grade 1.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Without Seeing the Dawn was pretty influential to me, but I dunno about ‘life-changing.’ I need to read more to find the book that would have that effect on me.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? I do these days. I didn’t really practice it when I used to drive to school, whoops. Always forgot to do it.

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I rarely get to do that.

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Nah. I can’t ride a bike either. Do you always think safety first? In COVID terms, yeah. I have a face mask and shield on as soon as I find myself outdoors.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? Reena. Who are you talking to right now? Nobody. It’s just me, this survey, and some music in the background.

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Angela and Reena, if I’m not mistaken.

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? No, I’m good.

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? I don’t know enough about it to have a bold opinion, considering I’m not even from the US and it’s been a while since their army has had any strong contact with my country.

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? I think one of Angela’s uncles has a high position in our national army.

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? Not really.

Would you ever go to the army? No.

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? Nope.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it felt right when I did it the first time; and I maintain that stance now even though I’m no longer with that person.

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? I could. Sex isn’t a big deal to me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? I’m also listening to mono. and taking bites from my doughnut every now and then.

What are you craving? Spicy tuna salad, but it can wait. Andi got me my favorite truffle baked macaroni because it’s CM Punk day today :D :D and that’s able to satisfy my savory cravings for now.

What do you need to buy? Shelves.

Why are you taking my survey? I’ve mentioned this before but I like categorized/themed surveys, so alphabetical ones are always fun for me.

X -Xanax 

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? I don’t think so.

Have you ever taken it before? No.

Do you even know what it is? No, actually.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I’m sure I have.

Y - Yourself.

Name. Robyn.

Age. 23.

Do you smile a lot? Sure, I’d say that’s common these days.

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? Not really.

Do you own anything zebra striped? Nah. I have some stuff that come in black and white stripes, but not zebra print. Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? No.

[gin-and-luce]

You killed our dog! Adriana of The Sopranos gave me strength to navigate life after a breakup during a global pandemic lockdown

I’m going through a breakup. It’s come at the worst time but also the best time. He ended things with me (more on that later) after three years in the most Beta-Male way...but this is what happens when your type can be boiled down to softboi. I can’t see my friends in the conventional way, so I made some new ones on screen to help me navigate the end during quarantine.

Over ten weeks ago I started watching The Sopranos. It doesn’t need justifying, everyone knows it’s the best television series of all time, but I’d never seen it, and I knew a global pandemic induced lockdown would provide optimum viewing circumstances. My favourite thing to do is completely throw myself into the female narrative and experience I’m watching on screen. I prefer a long deep drama over a film. I like being able to see my girls every night. 

People have said to me before “you should start a blog”, but I could never escape the feeling that doing so is massively narcissistic because it *is*, unless you have something actually relevant to write about. Alternatively, the image of Gretchen Weiners leaning in and going “you let it out honey, put it in the book” floats across my conscience, and everything embarrassing that I’ve ever done, plays in a montage in my mind. 

Who gives a fuck what I have to say about anything…….. especially about a cultural phenomena that is quite literally regarded as the best TV show of all time?

I’d been wanting to write this after I watched Long Term Parking. I lay in the dark for 45 minutes after the episode ended. I’d never felt like that watching a television show or film before. My throat had seized up but I didn’t cry, even though I felt like it. I knew it was coming from the moment Adriana met the agent. I wasn’t surprised, but I was heartbroken and absolutely fuming. I still am. 

I’m not angry with Christopher, Tony, or Silvio, but just the general unbalance I’ve felt when I’m in a relationship. The loss of self, relationships being a series of compromises. From what I have found from my own experiences and my girlfriends’, women are just much more willing to compromise, but don’t consider it to be a compromise. Men can only take into consideration their own reality, an evolutionary selfishness that just doesn’t translate. 

Just as lockdown began I texted my boyfriend to say I loved him and I missed him. He responded with “Can’t say I feel the same”. Nearly 3 years were over just like that. We had the obligatory phone call, where I was hysterical and he was smarmy and smug. Yet when it was over, I felt nothing. It’s allllll a big nothing.

My personal Gospel is Sex and The City (shout out to HBO!). This was my Berger moment. He essentially scribbled “I’m sorry, I can’t. Don’t hate me” on a post-it. The irony of the whole thing is that when we watched it together, he himself said he was most like Berger. Thinking about it makes me wince.

My life opened up in front of me, I was exposed to his weakness regarding the situation in full when his sister-in-law messaged me on Instagram a few days ago. He hadn’t told his family, nor had he told his flatmates (another shout out to my sleuths at the back, you know who you are!). 

The Sopranos is a show about life. The Mafia structure provides a vehicle for us to question morality and mortality. You take what you get from it. When I watch it again at a different stage of my life, I will get something else out of it. 

For me now, while I stew in my own emotion during quarantine, Adriana represents emotional labour and the expectation for women to behave in a certain way in relationships. 

At first when my ex’s family members were messaging me, I was confused. It is frankly humiliating to smile as if everything is normal, so as to protect someone that in the end would not do the same for me. I know he wouldn’t do the same because there was just no courtesy in what happened weeks ago. I am trying to move on but things like this stunt your personal growth.

The struggle with emotional labour hones a guilt that someday I’ll regret giving my early 20s to something that didn’t work out. I felt like I was on borrowed time.

These are obviously my own insecurities spurred on by the fact that I’ve read enough “10 things I wish I knew in my 20s” blogs to know that these are my selfish years. Still, it is ultimately devastating to see the last 3 years of your life conclude via a text that displays a failure to realise that there is no real clean cut for a long-term relationship. 

I respect him for the blunt statement because it means I get to reference the Berger SATC breakup and say “casually cruel in the name of being honest” (Taylor Swift, 2012) a LOT, which softens the pity in the social scenarios that I invent in my head in the shower.

When Tony calls Adriana to tell her Christopher has tried to kill himself, that was like my final phone call too. This is the end. Her youthfulness was why I related to her most in the show, but at the same time having nothing to lose made her easily expendable. Youth makes you put 100% into something knowing it is a gamble. 

I’m not comparing my ‘borrowed time’ to Adriana because she ends up dead, but there was a disregard for her life that was so harrowing because she did nothing but try and do the right thing. I watched Adriana put Christopher first willingly for 5 series. He supported her music management dreams but ultimately ended up making it all about him. He gave her the Crazy Horse but this ultimately was just another mob hangout. He sat on her dog, he continued to use heroin, shag other people, and so on.

“You could start writing again,” she tells him in her last episode, to which he responds  “I could do my memoirs, finally,”. Here is Adriana still!! STILL!! catering to Christopher’s ego to give herself some confidence. Very me.

All the way through she was just too good for him. Her ties to the Famiglia aren’t as tight as Carmela and Co. No children, still young, there’s chance for Adriana to get out if she wanted to. Of course this makes her prime FBl bait, but shows she sticks by Christopher through everything purely out of love. In the end she dies on her knees, subservient, with Heart’s Barracuda the last song she hears. I know Adriana had to go. That’s the way it is in the Famiglia because Christopher took an oath. But in a way she also had the carpet ripped from underneath her, just like me. 

There are lots of men writing on the internet about how Adriana is greedy and hypocritical. I just don’t understand where this reading is coming from other than obvious misogyny. I’ve read others that say if she was really that strong she would have simply left the relationship years ago. I believe that she believed things would improve for both of them, and that most people are just slut shaming her for her past. 

Still, Drea DeMatteo won a Best Supporting Actress Emmy for the episode. Fuckin’ A. 

I rooted for the woman. Before I was made redundant while working from home, I would spend half my life at my desk willing it to be 5:30pm, so I could slither back to the settee and spend the other half of my life in New Jersey. I’d phone my mum to discuss the episodes. She loves the show too, it’s always been a favourite in my household. We’d talk about the women like they were our friends and how we relate to them. The Sopranos is like a big mirror urging you to question everything. The answer to life is simply what are ya gonna do? 

Men love making things black and white so it is easier for them, when really women are in the background sorting out the shades of grey. 

Don’t get me wrong, Adriana’s significance is massive, albeit more so because of her death. You watch Christopher and Tony’s relationship start to crumble afterwards. It's shattering to see the disregard for Christopher’s sobriety and how despite his loyalty, he still sees him as a liability and weak. 

On the other hand, for Adriana’s sake, I am still enraged that he couldn’t see the bigger picture at the time. She is collateral damage in his path to finding his precious arc - “Wives, girlfriends, they can complicate life in a major way” Tony expresses to Jennifer as he runs from his own guilt. 

Christopher is desperate for Tony’s approval but is more than happy to use his blood connection as a protective leeway whenever he steps out of line. Again the irony is that he comes to tell Tony about Adriana first, just as the old Famiglia values say he should, but there is no real personal reward for doing so despite the personal sacrifice. 

I think Christopher regretted it in the end, and rightly so. When he is faced with his potential alternate life at the gas station, we assume that this was what made him go to Tony. It’s a family with loads of kids. Adriana probably can’t even have kids??? What kind of male logic?!  #justiceforadriana

I can’t help but feel for him when JT screams “Chris, you’re in the MAFIA!”. It’s the same kind of reality check that Chief Cubitoso gives Adriana, it’s an ultimatum and it’s the realisation that they are trapped in this life. Just ask Gene.

Carmela knew. I read her dreams as a testament to a woman’s intuition. She knows her friend isn’t what everyone is describing, she knows Adriana wouldn’t just disappear. She is all too aware of the emotional labour Mob women carry. When she sees Adriana with Cosette on the banks of the Seine, it is as sad as it is when we dream about people who have died. 

There is a scene in an early episode where Carmela says “Don’t we all?” in response to Meadow squealing “She’s MARRYING a BABY?” at a painting of The Marriage of Saint Catherine. I thought about this again when Christopher dies. Carmela passes her instinct off as hysteria, she isn’t to know. “So quick to blame, what is the attraction in that?” she cries during the aftermath of the car crash. There is a critique in her own femininity here that just makes you want to shout “NO CARM!!!!!!!”. As she believes she mothers Tony, there is the double-edged sword whereby he protects her through keeping her in the dark. “Heaven only ever sees my love making a fool of me” sings Emmylou Harris at the start of season 5. Carm’s power is taken away but she doesn’t even know. 

Carmela dedicates her life to being a mother but it’s not enough to save Meadow from her surname. We get some sense that AJ ‘Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit’ Soprano might be on a new path when he feels like the burning of his car among the autumn leaves of death was cathartic. As a man, he just has more freedom anyway. 

Miss Meadow gained her independence by getting her driving license, but in the end we see that she is still held back in the final scene by her inability to parallel park. She slots right in, eventually. As she does, she slots into the Soprano cycle after years of doing the most to get out and pave her own way. After every breakup with someone without links to the Famiglia, no scrubs, she returns and dates someone closer to home. Her career path is left tenuous to us, it would be all too easy for her to become a kept woman, which feels like it is the only real option should she settle down into the lifestyle with Patrick Parisi. It isn’t what she envisioned for herself, so part of me wants to hope that her story ends up a little bit more like Elle Woods. Legally Italian. 

I probably wouldn’t even have remembered her saying anything about parallel parking if I wasn’t terrible at parallel parking myself. It’s the pepperings of these subtle callbacks that make the show so beautiful. As the guitar solo plays on during the frustration, you’re invited to reminisce over Meadow’s journey. I fully wept watching her struggle to get the damn car parked because I’m trying to get my car parked too. Don’t stop believing, Meadow. 

I admire all the women in The Sopranos. The show is feminist, and that is a hill I am prepared to die on. It’s definitely up for debate as it is obviously littered with gratuitous nudity and women are commoditised. We have to allow this for cultural context for the show, but real life is basically exactly the same too? 

I read a post on Reddit where a dude is asking whether he should watch the show with his girlfriend. He types ‘“It’s a masterpiece of film but she probably wouldn’t get into it as I am”, and you don’t have to look much further to find more comments about how women and their puny minds just won’t get it. It’s an odd perspective to take given that Tony’s psychiatrist is a woman, but of course women could never grasp something so complex. It’s bullshit if you ask me, the female narrative prevails throughout all scenarios. 

The Pine Barrens seems to be everyone’s favourite episode. It’s not my favourite but there are two major elements that resonated with me. The first is Meadow looking down at the three letter words Jackie Aprile Jr had placed on the Scrabble board, and the second is when Gloria says to Tony:

“What you said was that you didn’t wanna piss me off..which implies that you’d have to deal with me, which is more about sparing YOU than my fucking feelings”. Don’t need to elaborate on that. Rest in power, Gloria. Legend.

Of course I could write pages and pages of hot feminist takes on all of the women - Jennifer, Janice, Livia, Angie, Svetlana, Charmaine. Lord knows I could probably write a book on Tracee.“ 20 years old, this girl”, I bashed Living on a Thin Line by The Kinks for about a week after that episode. It is the male gaze of the show made me love the women more. Carmela is my mother and I’ll probably name my first born Meadow. 

Carmela is the powerhouse and backbone of The Soprano household even though Tony provides. She represents stability, emotional labour, and putting on a brave face regardless. In some ways, it is as if Carmela represents the human emotion side and the fragility of organised crime. She is secure, but not enough, and her lack of ability to stand on her own two feet plagues her conscience through time. She is totally complicit, but must be to ensure her future with Tony as he pays anything to roll the dice just one more time. At the end of Long Term Parking, she and Tony stand looking at where she will build her spec-house. The forest looks the same as where we lost Ade, it’s a grim reflection that Carmela wouldn’t have this life if it wasn’t for the quick disposal of those like Adriana.   

Yeah okay, what the hell is a show with a feminist underpinning trying to say about wider society about a woman who exercises her beauty, loyalty and ambition?? Is it that she is not to be trusted?? Adriana’s a rat, but before this she is already deemed “damaged goods” anyway. She dresses provocatively, but that’s because she just looks MINT always. You would dress like THAT if you looked like THAT. When you Google her, ‘Adriana Sopranos Tennis’ comes up. I roll my eyes. Fucking men, eh? To take it down to a basic Sixth-Form-Poet reading, Adriana is Curley’s Wife and Daisy Buchanan all in one. She loves a red manicure too, and it might have worked out better for her if she had played the complicit beautiful little fool. 

This isn’t ‘Why The Sopranos is good!’, but a love letter to Adriana and her strength, because there is basically little or no content written on the women of the show when I have Googled.  I needed there to be more things written about her that isn’t just “bitch had it coming” when in fact she is a martyr. 

When Adriana was on screen, there was my mate. I knew her, she wanted what I wanted, but she sacrificed so much of herself for others and it was heartbreaking to watch. She barely gets a look-in in early episodes, but when she does she is usually wearing something animal print, which automatically made her the number one character on my radar. I am choosing to believe the theory that she is the cat in the final episode too. 

Still, I have been struggling and questioning why an episode that aired 16 years ago, with no plot that links to my own circumstances, has had such a monumental impact on me. 

I saw a tweet that said “have we ever sat down and thought about why relationships only work if the guy is more invested than the girl or is that just something we accept” (@anugov1). Adriana invested more in Christopher, even in the end, than she ever did herself. 

As I navigate this transitional period in my life, I am Adriana driving in the vision we see when we think she is going to start her new chapter. We can’t leave the flat, I have no job. The Sopranos has provided the most cathartic escapism for me. As I enter into whatever new world follows this nightmare, I wanted my mate Adriana to find her new world too, turning the classic rock up to 11.

[chrisevansbabymama]

The Break Up - Part 1

Part One

Y/N was sure of it. Chris was doing this to rub it in her face, to show how happy he was without her; and how his family was happy too. Whilst everything had been going south for her since they’d broken up, it seemed he was also siding with the world against her. She’d been watching the Insta stories of her close friends and family, never flipping past anyone because they were all people she knew intimately. Then Chris’ played straight after, before she even had a chance to skip it. They hadn’t unfollowed or blocked each other yet on their socials, of course this was down to their persistent publicists who’d decided it was best to not give the press any leverage on their break up.

In true Chris fashion, he hadn’t uploaded in a while - he wasn’t even an avid Insta user, so her theory that he was doing this to taunt her made sense.

Home is where the heart is, he captioned a picture of him and the family that seemed to have been taken candidly. Everyone looked so happy. Had this been taken almost six weeks ago, she would have been in there nestled somewhere between him and Dodger.

She’d lingered too long on the picture, smiling back at the faces she’d known as her second family in the last year and a half since they’d met. Then the next one played, and she didn’t want to skip it. She didn’t care if he saw her on the viewers list, she had nothing to lose now anyway.

“Happy birthday ma,” his Bostonian accent boomed, the video showing Lisa sitting at the kitchen counter in a robe scrolling through her phone as he walked up to her.

“Christopher Robert Evans!” She whined, extending her hand towards the phone, trying to block him.

“Whooooaaa,” He laughed, that laugh that she loved so much, “Wow! C’mon, just say ‘hi’ birthday girl,”

“It’s too early for this Chris,” she looked away.

“Why are you up so early on your birthday?” he asked hugging her, then the video cut off after the 15 second allowance.

Y/N had played it over and over again, each time noticing something new; his beard had gotten longer and hair darker. He’d lost weight: he wasn’t as bulky as she remembered him in her arms. But he looked so happy, so it couldn’t have been a post-breakup weight loss. The other times she’d noticed the small details that only she or his friends and family would know; how his nephew had shot up in height, Lisa had painted the kitchen in ecru and rearranged the pantry.

She knew she had to speak to Lisa and wish her a happy birthday. They still talked even after the break up, Lisa was always confident that it was temporary and that he would come to his senses. Y/N doubted it; he’d said some pretty mean things, she’d said some pretty mean things too and she wasn’t sure how they were going to, if ever, recover from that. Even though her heart was going against the grain of her resolve, challenging everything she stood for: to not be taken for a fool by a man. But feelings are a funny thing, and she loved Chris. Despite how he’d taken her for a fool, she still wanted it to work and this to be all over.

But Lisa didn’t pick up Y/N’s call that afternoon. Not even the second one either, the over-thinker she was, Y/N drew to a conclusion that Lisa was too busy with her family now to talk to her. Nor did she even want to talk to the woman that had hurt his son. And that too hurt because he had hurt her.

But the truth was, she wanted Lisa to pick up so she could hear his voice in the background. Even if it was muffled, it was her favourite sound.

“Hi Lisa, it’s Y/N...I uhm, I didn’t want to leave a message of course but I know you’re super busy with the family around. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday! I hope you have an amazing day with everyone. I miss you, sorry I haven’t been in touch much this week, I’ve been super busy. But I hope we can catch up sometime, okay, bye. I love you,”

And just like that, Y/N had spent the whole day glued to her phone endlessly refreshing her Instagram and Twitter hoping for an update. She’d lost the privilege of knowing the intimate details of what he was up to, so if it meant grasping 15 second bursts on Instagram, then that was fine too. She was like one of them now – his followers, only getting the vague and general stuff, and not the direct messages or memes sent directly to her like she used to. That realisation hurt her especially because he hadn’t been posting anything, and the one time he resurfaces he’s with his family, flaunting his joy and life without her. She had posted a lot, (too much even) since the break up, and if she were to be honest, it was for his attention. She wanted him to see how good she’d been looking, the mini dresses, the short shorts, the haircut, the mysterious male hand in her food snaps and the melancholic love quotes. But he hadn’t watched any of the stories, much to her dismay. Scott had, and he would call to check in on her. But he wasn’t Chris!

“Lisa,” Y/N answered later that evening as she settled on the couch with a glass of wine after dinner, resigning from her social media stalking because if she knew Chris well, she knew he wasn’t going to post anymore intimate moments with his family. And if anything, it would be something to do with Dodger or repost something about NASA and the moon and stars.

“Happy birthday!”

“Y/N, sweetie, hi. Thank you so much, how’re you?”

“I’m good Lisa,”

“Sorry I missed your call, it’s chaos over here,” she laughed. “I haven’t had a chance to catch a break since morning,”

“I can imagine. Always keeping you on your toes,” Y/N chuckled softly. “How’s your day been?”

“It’s been busy and full – but so lovely. They sent me to get a massage this morning, then they all cooked lunch. We’re just coming in from dinner. I got your present, you are too kind and generous Y/N. Thank you so much, I really wasn’t expecting it,”

“Oh you’re welcome, I hope you enjoy it,”

Lisa paused, “I uhmm...was hoping you would show up. I really thought when they sent me to the spa that I’d come back home and you’d be there as a surprise. I kept waiting for that opportunity for you to pop up and surprise me,”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to pause. But nothing came out, shocked that Lisa was thinking of her at all on her special day when she was spending it with her family. Even worse, was the gut wrenching feeling in her stomach as Lisa’s words sunk in reminding her how easily she could have been there today, had she maybe just swallowed her pride and parted ways with her inhibiting principals?

“It’ll be okay Y/N. You and Chris, this is just a rough patch,” Lisa reiterated the same song she’d been singing the last few weeks but Y/N no longer believed it.

It’d been weeks. No changes or sign that he was even going to come back. He’d barely fought for the relationship then, so why would he now?

At this point, she was starting to realise that she needed to graduate from the grieving stage of denial and anger to bargaining, and with some time acceptance.

“I don’t know Lisa, I thought so too but, I don’t know,”

“This isn’t right, you two love each other,” Lisa said, almost to herself more than anything. “Why can’t you both see it?”

“Uhm, Lisa I have to go,” Y/N said quickly, awash with emotions that she didn’t think she’d confront today when she’d woken up in a good mood.

No matter how friendly she was with Lisa, this was his mom, so she couldn’t be too reckless and as honest as she wanted to be, but her son had really hurt her and it wasn’t fair that she was painting a picture that both of them were being stubborn. Y/N needed to save the rant for her mom who was used to the late night phone calls and tears. But she loved Lisa too much to lose her by weeping over and ranting about that annoyingly handsome son of hers.

“I’ve got company, sorry. Can I call you tomorrow?” Y/N lied.

“Of course, I better go too, they’re waiting on me to start the movie,” Lisa laughed, both women knowing that she could read through Y/N’s lie.

But Lisa had a way of working her coulda-been-daughter-in-law; she knew the right words to say and a way to speak to her to get her to open up. Tonight wasn’t the right time, especially with her culprit of her son in the room next door and the joyous occasion.

“Ma! Come. On!” Y/N could hear Carly yelling in the background.

“See what I mean?” Lisa laughed.

“I see,” Y/N laughed. “Goodnight Lisa, and don’t worry about Chris and I. Enjoy your birthday,”

“Goodnight honey, we’ll resolve that,” Lisa said. “I love you,”

“Kay, I love you too,”

Y/N chewed on her bottom lip, pensive, sad, wistful, her heart longing for the Evans’ family company, and attention from a certain Evans. If she was there, she and Chris would have snuck out halfway throughout the film and gone for a walk where they would share intimate goals and aspirations. Or they would go on a long drive and end up in a parking lot with mellow background music and heating on in his car, eating McDonald’s off their laps and stealing each other’s fries and dips. Chris would teach her about the constellation. They would make a new playlist together and drive back, sneak back into the house sometime around 2AM and make a messy freakshake that they would have found on Pinterest. They’d stay up in the lounge, whispering quietly with Family Guy in the background and melt into each other as they made out. They’d ultimately end up in his childhood bedroom, squeezing in on his bed. It was a good excuse to cuddle all night long. Chris would wake up with a dead arm but the pillow talk made it worth it.

By the time she’d drowned her third glass of the red wine, her memories and visions of him got blurred and not so pleasant. The vision of the last time she saw him, the day that they broke up kept haunting her but in parts, so she decided to call it a night and waddled up to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed, falling asleep straight away. She didn’t hear her phone ringing and vibrating downstairs.

Baaaaby

Missed Call (2)

And then pinging with message alerts.

Baaaaby: hey Y/N, it’s Chris

Baaaaby: hope you’re ok?

Baaaaby: Call me when you can

Baaaaby: Please*

[artificialqueens]

Karma is a bitch, Chapter 1 (Multi ship) - Flor

A/n: Olá! I’m your resident ball of stress and anxiety posing as a your average brazilian uni student trying my hand at writing fic in english after literal years writing solely on my mother tongue, how yall doing? Anyway that is just a very long way of saying i can’t promise perfect english and that i’m very nervous and very excited about posting this. There will be a lot of ships and queens so i’m just going to tag them as they appear, thanks and enjoy!

Summary: Manila being in love with her best friend is just proof that Karma is real and getting back at her for laughing at her coworkers and teasing them over their lack of guts to act on their obvious feelings. Surely that’s it, a cruel joke of the universe and something she will get over with time so in meantime she just needs to focus on something that isn’t Raja. Naturally playing cupid is exactly what she needs.

Chapter summary: Raja breaks up with her girlfriend, swears off dating and Manila has a existential crisis, or several, but who is counting anyway?

***

Manila is not a useless lesbian.

Well she is a lesbian. And okay she can be a bit slow and useless in certain circumstances, sometimes hidden jokes and social clues will fly over her head, but it happens with everyone okay, it’s not that big of a deal. But those two characteristics together? No ma’am, Manila considers herself a pretty sharp lesbian, especially since she works with several textbook representations of useless lesbians. Her workplace is filled with useless lesbians.

RuPaul’s Look Race started small and easily lost in the big Los Angeles scenario, a modeling agency born of spite aimed to the outcasts of the fashion world like the founder herself and it quickly won over the hearts of all the models who used to the racism and homophobia of the fashion industry saw themselves drawn to what promised to be a safe accepting spot. With care it grew exponentially in a short space of time attracting not only clients but also employees who failed to check most of the box on privilege, Manila was hired on the third year of existence of the agency and she saw as it grew and grew until they became the name in everyone’s mouth, the first place that LGBT models turned to, expanding its wings until they started to gather to artists in general rather than only models.

They are an one of a kind business, no one does as much as them, no one attends to so many different artists in so many different fronts all at once so of course they are a big deal, especially when you consider how inclusive they are.

It makes for a very livid, very gay, workplace and Manila would not trade it for the world. The longest living unofficial rule of the place is “LGBT+ until proven straight or cis” because she could easily count how many of her coworkers don’t fit under the rainbow. It feels good to be out and proud of her sexuality, her own personal bubble in a world that wasn’t always kind to her. One of the most unexpected consequences of working on the gayest business in America however is the ridiculous amount of pinning she gets to watch unfold before her daily.

Manila can give you examples of actual useless lesbians until you are begging her to stop and she knows as a fact that she is nothing like them, she doesn’t do those things they do, she knows how to flirt and she damn well knows when someone is flirting with her, and more than that she always knows what to do in those situations.

Until now.

Because Raja broke up with her girlfriend and Manila is facing a life crisis where she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

It’s not like this is the first time this has happened, it’s nothing really new to be honest, Manila has know Raja for almost 10 year and she cannot count how many partners her friend had in those, this is far from the first breakup Manila has lived through and at this point she knows their routine by muscle memory alone.

Raja for someone who is actually quite polished and has her life together has quite a problem with keeping a stable relationship for long periods of time, Manila is sure that in those 10 years of friendship the longest relationship lasted a bit more than 2 years, but at the same time Raja is the type of person who doesn’t like being single for too long what may explain everything. 

So Manila is well versed in post-breakup Raja.

She knows that her friend was the one to end it simply because she texted her asking to come over, it’s just one of her things. If her partner was the one to break things off Raja would seek Raven’s company so both of them could curse and complain and Raven in all her sharp tongued abrasive self would point out all the flaws in the ex until Raja felt better about it, they always showed up with killer hangover after those talks but the older woman always looked better and less down after yet another rejection when Raven was done with her.

But when Raja was the one to break it off she always went to Manila because Raven couldn’t see the point in getting sad over something you choose, for good reason, to call off. Manila knew that just because you were the one to pull the plug doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting and sad to see it gone no matter how bad things had become or how better in the long run the decision is.

If she is selfishly honest Manila sorta likes those post breakup hangouts they have, she likes the intimacy and closeness they bring to their friendship. Raja is not shy with her affection but she hardly is the most touchy person either so the younger woman relishes on those nights where Raja will curl her long limbs in her couch touching Manila’s side and resting her head on her shoulder, sometimes playing with her fingers or just holding her hand.

It’s good, Raja always smells like subtle spicy perfume and her skin is soft and impossibly warm at all times. It’s also very normal and very platonic. It’s not like how Katya will take any and every excuse available to touch Trixie even if for a few seconds, hands itching towards her every time they get together to discuss something or just casually talk, the blonde Russian cleaning her schedule for those meetings and pretending no one knows about it.

It’s not like that for Raja and Manila. If Manila rests her own head over Raja’s, well it’s just a comfort thing, and if she takes a deep breath so the other’s perfume is all she can smell, who can blame her? It is a good perfume.

So this time is no different from any other time. Raja shows up at her door, defeated expression looking so out of place in her angular features, Manila ushes her inside and they almost cuddle on the couch while some stupid comedy plays in the background.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She whispers softly even if it’s not necessary.

She feels more than sees Raja sighs.

“Not sober.”

“Gotcha.”

Manila nudges her a bit so she can get up already missing the warmth and rushing to her kitchen so she can find the wine she knows it’s Raja’s favorite. That’s another normal, completely platonic thing Manila does, keeping Raja’s favorite drinks and food around even if she isn’t particularly fond of it herself.

It’s not like she is like Shea who buys or makes tea for Sasha every time she gets coffee for herself, completely unprompted, just so she can have a excuse to go to her and chat for a few moments, smiling dumbly as the Russian smiles that bright kind smile of hers that could melt ice and melts Shea’s heart like butter. It’s not like that because Manila doesn’t go out her way to buy those things or uses them as an excuse to talk to her friend, she just buys it with her own groceries to keep it around if needed, and it’s good to have food your friend likes around right? Especially for moments like this!

Patting herself on the back for being such a prepared friend Manila goes back with two glasses and two bottles of wine feeling like one is not going to be enough. The smile that Raja gives her when she reads the label could make flowers grow. 

She pours them full glasses before sitting back on the couch, Raja automatically curling back into her side and even if her elbow is kinda uncomfortably pressed against her side and her hair is trickling her neck Manila would never make any movement or say anything to make her change positions. They drink in silence, finishing several cups before Raja lets out another long sigh.

“I broke up with her after a date. It just kind of hit me as we were leaving the restaurant that we spent basically the whole meal in silence, she kept looking at her phone and it didn’t bother me at all. We used to turn out our phones during dates.”

“I’m sorry Raj, falling out of love sucks balls but you know it was for the best for the both of you. It wouldn’t be fair to keep going like this, relationships shouldn’t be something you are having out of convenience, and hey now you both are free to find someone new.”

Saying those words leave a sour taste in her mouth, the idea of Raja once again going out on mindless dates with random women, falling in bed with them until one catches her attention enough for her to try yet again to have an actual relationship, is making her heart clench in her chest.

Platonically of course. 

Manila is simply tired of seeing her friend meet dead end after dead end and find herself on her or Raven’s couch drinking away the pain. It’s not like there is any hidden motive for that feeling, Manila knows herself, knows her own heart, if there was anything more than best friend concern she would surely know. It’s probably not different from what Jujubee and Raven feel for each other.

“It’s the same thing every fucking time Nila, it doesn’t matter if I’m the one dumping or the one dumped the reason is always the same we just fall out of love, for fucks sake why can’t i get regular messy breakups once in a while? Why can’t I get cheated on?”

“Why exactly would you want to get cheated on? I, just like every normal person, prefer clean breakups but you seem to think they are overrated.”

“Like you are anywhere near being normal Miss Pineapple Dress for a Fancy Work Party” Raja laughs lightly, Manila feeling it with her body

“That dress was fucking awesome and i will not be shamed for being a fashion icon ahead of my own time.”

“Whatever you say” The fond amusement in the taller woman makes her smile wider, allowing herself to relax even more against the warm body

“You still didn’t answer why somehow getting cheated on would be better than a nice clean breakup.”

“Because then i could explain why it happened, I could get mad at someone else because it wouldn’t be my fault.” Raja’s voice is softer than it was the whole night, barely over a whisper “You know why i got dumped last time? Because she said i was never really there, that i never allowed her to actually know me.”

Automatically and uncaring about the awkwardness of the position Manila throws her arms around Raja hating the way her voice sounds and hating the words even more. Maybe she is biased, maybe she isn’t really trying to put herself in the ex girlfriends shoes, but she just can’t phantom why anyone would say that about Raja of all people.

Her best friend is intense in all the best ways, she puts herself into everything she does to the point someone will eventually have to drag her away from her projects, she may look unapproachable and regal with her beautiful features and high fashion clothes but she is one of the biggest dorks Manila knows, full of passion and bad jokes. And yes she is a bit hard to know, it takes time to take her down her walls and see beyond the carefully crafted poise and sharp words, but she is worth every minute spent trying.

“And i guess she was right, i guess i do this all the time because it’s the same thing now, someone falling out of love with me because i wasn’t giving them enough. Maybe I’m just not meant for this.”

“This?” Manila tightens her arms around Raja like she is trying to squeeze that resigned tone away

“Love, relationships, the whole nine yards. Meaningless one night stands are clearly more of my thing since they are the one thing I can successfully manage.”

“That’s not true! You of all people shouldn’t be selling yourself this short you big idiot, you are amazing and people should be lucky to have a shot with you. You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

“Are you taking life advice from those stupid romcoms Vanessa is obsessed with? Because it sounds like it.” Her words lack the necessary bite to sound like a insult even if she snorts disbelieving and Manila slaps her chest without breaking the hug

“Okay edgy lord maybe you should watch one of those and lift your spirit because this talk is not like you at all.” 

She goes for a joking tone, poking Raja again but is glad the older woman can’t see her face and the way her brows are furrowed. This is new. Unfamiliar and uncomfortable in a way that those post breakups encounters never were, not even in the beginning of their friendship where Manila was still testing the waters and what worked with her friend. Raja was always sad, though she only cried twice in 10 years, and her smiles never quite reached her eyes even if they softened a little when Manila said something funny or ridiculous, but never like this, never truly defeated in this raw way. Raja hardly ever gets this low in her self esteem anymore and never about her love life and the fact that she is, is throwing Manila out of her loop, this is new territory.

“Maybe I should take a page out of Violet’s book and just give dating up altogether, she is young but is clearly into something.”

“Really? Because as far as i know if Violet wasn’t so open about how anti dating she is then either Pearl or Max would have totally already made a move and we wouldn’t have to watch them dancing around each other like that.”

“But that’s the thing, the problem with Violet doing it is that someone is in love with her and I think we have established that no one is in love with me.” And before Manila can say the obvious Raja beats her to it “And i don’t think anyone ever will.”

I am.

The thought almost makes its way out of her mouth before Manila stops herself, biting her tongue so hard she can taste blood.

It comes out of nowhere and everywhere at the same time, a certain that just overtakes her body and sets on her bones like it belongs there, like it was just laying under the superficie waiting to make itself known. Her breath catches on her throat and she must make some sort of chocked sound because Raja cranks her neck to look at her, sad eyes and soft smile making Manila want to scream.

“It’s okay Nila, don’t take me too seriously, I had a couple of shots before coming here so I’m just being drunk.”

Manila just nods, words stuck in her throat in fear of what will come out if she let them out, Raja sighs again and even in normal circumstances her words would not make the younger woman less worried, the excuse of drunkness not erasing the self deprecating voice and sad tired eyes, but now they just make her heart ache even more.

God. 

This is fucked up.

Fucked up and so, so right. 

Of course she is in love with Raja, of course there is nothing really platonic in a lot of her actions, in the way something ugly and heavy curls inside of her when Raja gets another girlfriend, in the way that her chest feel warm when Raja smiles at her in delight, how her laugh can light up her day, how her hugs can make the bad days look less dark, how having her arms around her feels good, how warm she feels in the places they are touching.

Manila thanks whatever deity is watching her that the realization stucks her when Raja is already drunk and half asleep, curling even more on the couch, letting her weight rests fully against Manila as her breathing gets deeper, and that she didn’t decide to lay down facing her because Manila doesn’t know how she would hide her reaction.

Karma is definitely a bitch she decides almost hysterically as her bitten tongue slowly stops bleeding.

This is karma for laughing at her friends, she is sure it is, what else can explain the universe punishing her with this? With those feelings? Clearly she cracked one too many jokes about Crystal and Gigi being oblivious, or rolled her eyes too much when watching Shea and Sasha, or Trixie and Katya, or maybe she snickered too loudly watching Vanjie and Brooke or maybe she gave Jinkx shit romantic advice or something she can’t even remember. Maybe, she muses, it’s a combination, all those little things piling up until karma decided to get her for them all at once and landed her in this mess.

She is in love with Raja.

Wonderful, clever, talented, beautiful Raja who struggles to maintain meaningful romantic relationships.

Raja who is one of her best friends. One who basically decided to give up dating 10 minutes ago.

What the fuck Manila is supposed to do now?

~~~~~~~~

Manila decides after a bad sleep night in an uncomfortable position in her not so soft couch that the best course of action is doing nothing.

She needs… She needs time to process this sudden epiphany, to analyze their interactions and her actions and try to pinpoint when exactly platonic friendship transformed itself into something she never expected or intended to, something she is too afraid to name. Gather her thoughts and her emotions in a more organized way than the panic and confusion of last night.

She also needs time for Raja to get over the breakup, again this is a familiar scenario and Manila knows what will happen, has watched as her friend tried to drown herself into work until the sting of another failed relationship disappeared multiple times and understand that is the worst possible moment to try to act on those…. feelings. If, and that is a big gigantic if, Raja takes her mind away from fashion for one second to seriously consider Manila’s hypothetical words there is the risk of being a rebound fuck, a distraction.

Manila is not sure of many things about those feelings but one that she knows with clarity is that she doesn’t want to be a one night stand, a band aid to help with loneliness, Manila is not that girl who will let herself be used as a mean to something else, she has more self love than that. She wants the real thing, the full experience. If she can’t have that she will not settle for scraps, her heart is not strong enough to deal with that.

So when her alarm blasts, too soon she laments as her eyelids seem to be glued shut and her brain protests that she sleep too little and too badly, she is relieved Raja choose to end things in a Sunday because that means Manila will have work to distract her mind and stop her from spending a day long pity party overthinking all her feelings like a lunatic. 

At least she hopes so.

Raja is already up and moving around in the kitchen by the time Manila drags her body away from the couch feeling places she didn’t know could hurt screaming in protest. Shit, she needs a better couch, she feels bad for letting her friends sleep in that now. The dark haired woman makes her way to the kitchen and is not prepared to have the air sucked out of her chest by the vision in front of her.

It’s ridiculous. It’s not something new, some groundbreaking scenario that she never got to witness, some hidden part of Raja that she didn’t know existed. It’s ordinary, familiar in a way that makes her insides all warm and fuzzy and that’s the problem.

It’s familiar, it’s domestic.

There is something in the way that Raja moves around her small kitchen making toast and sipping coffee from a bright yellow mug, clearly fresh showered with her hair still damp, not even pausing to think where things are or what ingredients Manila will have that is so right. It feels right to have her there, so comfortable and at peace in a place Manila considers so intimate, so personal. Raja looks at home and the domesticity of it makes something in Manila ache.

This is what she wants, she realizes, to wake up and find Raja sipping coffee or to wake first and make her something to eat or to spend a lazy morning together.

“Good morning sleepy head.” Raja says when she realizes Manila is there snapping the other back to reality “You know seeing how late you set your alarm I can totally understand how you are always late.”

“My alarm is set at the perfect time, it’s not my fault LA’s traffic is more unstable than Gia Gun’s eyelashes.” The answer comes easily and she thanks a higher power that she can act like a actual human around Raja

“Well maybe that’s a sign that you should set it earlier, it wouldn’t kill to arrive earlier in the good days.”

“And how would you know? I don’t think you even know your actual work hours anymore.”

“Raven told me” Raja smiles cheekily, sipping from her mug to hide it “Want me to make you some toast while you get ready?”

“Sure”

She says and does her best to not look like she is bolting the fastest she can because while it’s the truth it doesn’t mean she wants Raja to realize it. It’s the domesticy again, the easiness and calm that comes with having Raja there offering to make fucking toast like she belongs in her home.

Manila lets her forehead rest against the shower wall as the water falls on her back trying to get her shit together before she faces her best friend and new found love again. She will not freak out, she will not over analyze shit or stare like some sort of lovesick fool with no self control.

She is a grown up woman and she knows how to behave when she is attracted to someone.

At least that is what she tells herself and what she fails to do almost instantly. Because as Manila dresses herself she can’t stop thinking about the fact that Raja has clothes at her place. Clothes. And Manila has clothes at Raja’s place as well and that’s… that’s not really a really platonic thing is it? Manila doesn’t have a drawer full of her things in her parent’s house for fucks sake. 

This is karma she swears to herself, this is karma for laughing at poor airheads Crystal and Gigi for being oblivious, this is the universe getting back at her and making her the stereotypical useless lesbian who doesn’t even really she is in love and practically dating her best friend.

But at the same time she can’t help but wonder if that means something as big as she thinks. So they have clothes at each other’s houses and Manila doesn’t do that with anyone else, but what if that’s something regular with Raja? Does she leave things in Raven’s or Delta’s houses too? Is that something special they share or it’s just one of those Raja things that make Manila smile fondly when she thinks no one is watching?

Fuck, Manila is really turning into one of those people. She makes a sound of frustration in her chosen shirt, pressing the fabric to her face and trying to block everything but the pleasant smell of the shirt and take a few deep breaths to again get her shit together.

When she finally finishes her makeup and makes her way back to the kitchen she is ready to face the day and suppress her feelings like a normal woman. 

Things go smoothly after that and Manila shots down the voice in her mind whispering that that is a good sign, they eat among small talk and Raja mentions her breakup only once when she mentions her ex will go pick her things when she’s at work and she’s relieved they will not have to have another face to face conversation, Manila holds her hand and squeeze giving Raja her best comforting smile not letting go until the smile she gets in answer doesn’t look fabricated.

On the way to work their topic of conversation changes as they begin discussing their agendas for the day trying to squeeze a joint break. They don’t have many reasons to interact during work hours, Raja, along with Bianca, run their fashion department dealing with clothing most of their non model clients while Manila works exactly with the modeling section of the business and since both are high up on the hierarchy there is really not much leeway to go hang out at each other side of the building, having to settle for lunch wherever work allows them to leave at the same time.

“You want to go to that new Italian place down the block?” Manila asks as they get close enough to see their workplace towering among others

“Rain check.” Raja says as she twists her thick hair in a bun that somehow manages to look elegant rather than messy “Willam got a show coming up and i have to meet her to brainstorm concepts for the looks.”

“Oh… we can go after you finish?”

“We are meeting for lunch actually.”

“Right…” Manila kicks herself as soon as the word leaves her mouth, her disappointment so thick she can almost taste it and it’s fucking ridiculous

“We can go tomorrow if you like?”

“Maybe, we have a photoshoot tomorrow but it looks like Dahlia is sick and if she can’t make it i need to be there to find a quick replacement.” Ugh sometimes being the official problem solver sucks

“That’s okay we can just try again another day.” Raja smiles at her then, all white teeth and soft eyes, and her hand rests on her shoulder as if she can sense that Manila is unhappy

And maybe she can because if her face is showing half of what she is feeling then Manila is officially looking like a pooting teenager and that is not a flattering look on someone her age. Again she feels like screaming because the universe is clearly trying to rub her face in her own obliviousness about her own feelings, again this is not new, there were times they had to cancel lunch plans when the other was already seated because something urgent came up, and neither is the disappointment and mildly annoyance in her chest when she realizes she will have to spend a day without sharing a part of her day with Raja, but now, now that she is painfully aware of the exact nature of her feelings there is another layer to that disappointment that she was unaware of and doesn’t really like.

It doesn’t help that it’s Willam that Raja is going to meet.

Don’t get her wrong, Willam may be a diva and a pain in the ass, the cause of many tears on their PR department because of her crude and biting humour, but she is not the worst client they ever had and once you get used to her particular brand of vulgarity there is a lot of fun to have with her. But Willam is, above everything, a self proclaimed slut.

There is an ongoing joke that the reason she gets so many gigs as an actress in crime shows is because she doesn’t really have to act as a prostitute or young slut, she just has to be herself. Willam is very confident and very comfortable in her sexuality and Manila is actually impressed with that, she really is, but that doesn’t mean that she wants that energy around post breakup Raja right after Manila discovered she has more than platonic feelings for her.

It’s a receipt for disaster, well, actually it’s receipt for sex what in her books are exactly the same thing.

She forces that stupidity down as hard as she can. There is pinning and then there is suffering for imagining your… crush having sex with someone else and Manila is not going to be that person, she really isn’t. The younger woman sighs quietly and grips the steering wheel glad that Raja is too busy dealing with loose strands of hair to pay attention to her reactions.

“If i’m free tomorrow i will shoot you a text” She says going for a smile

“Great! I will keep my agenda free then.”

Manila’s heart totally doesn’t skip a beat.

She is so fucked.

[winchest09]

Our Virtual Lockdown - Lowdown

Hey everyone!

Our lockdown livestream was once again one fulled of fun, laughter, fic recs, games and...one unplanned round of charades! Ahaha!

6 hours we were talking...SIX and again, I loved every single second. It was so nice to see so many gorgeous faces, and I’m so happy that so many of you joined us! We had 18 in our party at one point! I just hope that all of you had a blast and enjoyed yourselves.

Me and @katehuntington​ love holding these events and we are already planning the next live stream (date to be announced) but it will be in this month (May).

This is the lowdown for the third lockdown party!

Below you will find:

Everyone who joined - their tags, what’s coming up fic wise and their masterlist.

A Challenge to join

Blogs who want to help with your writing

Fic Recs

Supernatural DnD

Announcements

Q + A’s with the writers.

So without further ado… *cracks fingers*

To everyone that joined...

You are the guys that make it the live stream what it is.  So below is a list of everyone who was on the chat last night accompanied by their masterlist and what they have coming up soon! In no particular order…

@katehuntington​​: Kate is currently working on the next instalment of Ride With Me, All I Want and a two part commission. We will see this on her blog soon!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@flamencodiva​​​: This babe is currently working on Call of the Ocean, A revoluntionary war fiction, an ABO Greek Goddess fic AND an untitled angst filled fic including Dean, a girlfriend and secrets! She is also rewriting Underworld and Legend of Van Helsing.

She’s one busy gal and we LOVE IT. <3

Check out her masterlist HERE

@whatareyousearchingfordean​​​: Alex is currently writing the ending to her Jensen fiction Et Cetera and she already has a sequel in mind! At the moment she’s trying to decide her next move...Firefighter Dean OR Secret Service Dean? Head over there and let her know!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@talesmaniac89​​​:  This beaut also has a lot that she’s working on at the moment. The next instalments of The Man in Apartment 43. The next chapters of Lost (which is a little darker), a fluffy Dean oneshot and a Castiel comfort fic.

Behind the scenes, she’s also working on a Heist AU, Another ‘Choose your own adventure’ fic and a Ghost Writer AU.

Check her out guys, her masterlist is HERE

@superfanficnatural​​​:  This babe is currently working on the next chapters of The Bringer of balance as well as the next chapters of The Choice! He’s posted a few oneshots in the past two weeks and is writing Male!Reader fics!

Behind the scenes he’s currently working on an RPF called Matchmaker, A reader knight of hell/demon dean fic which is a love hate relationship as WELL as a Marvel SPN crossover. OOFFT.

A new writer that is nailing it! Go and give him some love, his masterlist can be found HERE

@emoryhemsworth​​​: This beaut is currently working on a series which is based off of an album called ‘Losing Sleep’ Each song will be a chapter and we’ve already been treated to some of her plans! She also has some other goodies on her masterlist.

Check our her masterlist HERE:

@anathewierdo​​​: Is yet to create a masterlist but she is currently working on Call of the Ocean with Flamencodiva. Not only that, she’s also working on a Princess Diaries AU, a Serial Killer AU and after the livestream...a gunshow fic!

By gunshow we do mean The Winchester’s muscles.

*drools*

@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​​: This wonderful lady joined us briefly on the live stream and although she left before we could find out what she has coming up!

Check our her masterlist HERE:

Me: I’m currently working on two series, Life for Rent and Man’s Best Friend! I also have a couple of Dean series being worked on in the background as well as a couple of oneshots…watch this space!

To the new writers...

These guys were all new to the live stream this week and were welcomed with open, loving, spn fam arms! After speaking to these babes, we know that they are fairly new to writing to the supernatural fandom. They all have AMAZING idea’s when we played our prompt game and hopefully all of them will bite that bullet and post their ideas soon.

Remember guys - we’re all here to love and support you! My inbox is always open if you want to talk fics, want me to look over one etc.

Go and follow and give them some love!

@janicho88​​ @queenbeesback​​ @imjustadrummer​​ @malfoysqueen14​​

and to the readers that joined…

@leissa1287​​​ @waywardbeanie​​​ @dawnie1988​​

We love you, we thank you for reading and we thank you for all the support and love you give us constantly. Thank you for joining the chat and we hope you had an amazing time <3

-------------------------

CHALLENGE TIME

Ohhhh yes! One of our amazing writers, the darling @flamencodiva​​ is holding a celebration in regards to reaching 1700 followers!

Congrats babe!

Not only is she hosting a character take over on her blog she’s also posted a writing challenge for all us writers out there!

Check it out HERE

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Need Help with a fic?

We’ve got you covered!

Need to has out a plot with someone?

The lovely @malfoysqueen14​​ has offered herself up to be a plot buddy to anyone that needs it. Stuck on a plot point, want to talk through a story line with someone? Give her a message! She’s here to help <3

Need help writing those all important fight scenes?

Give our babe @imjustadrummer​​ a message! They are filled with knowledge and even give us a demonstration on how to punch correctly on the livestream! Definitely one to have on your contacts list! <3

Need help with research for a fiction?

The most wonderful @waywardbeanie​​​ has offered herself up to be a researcher for anyone who wants help with their fiction. She has been a die hard SPN fan forever and she’s like the Ellen of our live stream.

Need a researching buddy? Give her a message! She’s a doll <3

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Fic & blog Recs!

In our live stream, we want to highlight what we’ve been reading and the amazing authors behind the words. So below is a list of all the fics that we recommend for some good ol fic binging!

@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​​: We were told of this lovely little gold mine by Alex and we just have to include it on here! This writer has so many fics on her masterlist...you’re gonna be there for a while!

Check them all out HERE

When You Least Expect It by @coffee-obsessed-writer​​

Summary: After a hard breakup, Jensen decides to throw himself into organizing a Music Festival in Austin that is meant to raise money for a few of his most cherished charities and organizations. As he throws himself into planning it, he stumbles upon a spirited, undiscovered performer, who he convinces to come aboard to help plan and coordinate the event with him.

What transpires after that takes both Jensen and his new friend, by surprise. But when their respective pasts come back just before the event kicks off in Austin, they will both have to decide if the unexpected feelings are worth perusing, or if they should just walk away and go on with their lives.

Dear Dean by @smol-and-grumpy​​

Summary: After taking Saint Lo, by sheer dumb luck, Lieutenant Dean Winchester from the 29th Infantry Division, Baker Company, received a truckload of replacements for his platoon that was falling apart. Little did he know, that one recruit would change his life forever.

Almost Paradise by @amanda-teaches​​

Summary: Dean finds himself looking at pictures of old loves. Will he ever be able to find that paradise again?

Turned Sideways by @crashdevlin​​​

Summary: (Rockstar AU)  When Y/n gets an opportunity to meet her favorite band backstage at their concert, she assumes they won’t even ask her name. But when she impresses the front man, Dean, with her voice and knowledge of their entire catalog of songs, it launches a chain of events that is sure to change her entire life.

Crash Into Me by @crashdevlin​​

Summary:  Dean meets and befriends a witch in NW Florida. This is their interactions over the course of season 8 through season 14.

Midwife Crisis by @ellewritesfix05​​

Summary: (Elle hasn’t written one it appears but in my words) - You were heavily pregnant with Dean’s child, hormones raging and Dean was receiving the brutal end of it. Needing a break, he fakes a case to get away. When your good friend Gabriel hears of this...he decides he needs to teach Dean a lesson with a little help from is prankster ways...

PHEW! I definitely think we have enough fics on here to last us for a few days…don’t you? ;) Please guys don’t forget to give these writers some love when reading their fics, comments, reblogs, asks. It means the world.

-------------------------

Interested in roleplaying & DnD?

@imjustadrummer​​ is setting up a Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in the Supernatural (main) universe!

If you’re into role playing, fancy bringing one of your OFC’s to life or just wanna be badass yourself...why not consider joining?!

All the information you need on this is HERE

Make some new friends, live out your dreams of being a hunter, angel or demon and HAVE FUN!

-------------------------

ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We have three wonderful announcements to make this time! We have THREE blogs celebrating followers!

A massive congratulations to:

@flamencodiva​​: This beautiful mama has reached 1700!

@whatareyousearchingfordean​​: This absolute babe has reached 1000!

@superfanficnatural​​: This beaut has reached 200!

WOOHOO!

*pops the party poppers*

-------------------------

Q & A With The Writers!

During this live stream, we asked everyone to join in and ask questions to the writers you want to know more about...the write up is below :)

- If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? Alex ( @whatareyousearchingfordean​​) : @superfanficnatural​  because of the male reader aspect/sides of things! 

Emory (@emoryhemsworth​) : I’d like to collab with @winchest09​ (Tabby)

- Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

@talesmaniac89​ : This did happen once and what was once a fluffy ending got turned into a bad ending because it was guessed. It happened once that they managed to get it so i changed it. 

- What was the last line you wrote?

@katehuntington​ :  “The cowgirl smirks and gently pushes him into the tack box in order for them both to be out of sight. Once they are safe from Bobby’s eyes, she kisses him, short and sweetly, but it’s enough to make Dean’s head spin”

- Have you ever cried whilst writing a fic?

@superfanficnatural​ : I cried to one last time, the angsty fic i wrote. I  was trying to get into the mood, i was mad, so went fuck it i’m gonna break peoples hearts. And then i cried haha.

- Can you tell us what writers you really admire?

@emoryhemsworth​ :   All of you are included in this live stream, that’s a given but I am going to talk about people who aren’t in here.  @impala-dreamer​, @kittenofdoomage​, @supernatural-jackles​, @ravengirl94​ are just a few. In regards to Rhi (Kittenofdoomage), everything she writes is just gold. She’s not written anything that’s bad! For Beka (impala dreamer) I just love her as a person. Oh and @bringmesomepie56​, her fics are just amazing.  

- Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

@flamencodiva​ : No, not really. My stories tend to evolve in the writing process. Underworld princess and Call of the Ocean were meant to be super different than what they are now. We realised we had changed certain plot points as we were writing but that was before we started to post it. 

- Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

@winchest09​ :  Yes and no. I’ve had stories which were originally meant to end a certain way and they changed over time. Sometimes I do wonder what the reactions would have been like if i had gone with the original ending for Shatter Me and if hadn’t have gone down the angsty road for Yesterday but then I think fics choose their own path as you write them. It felt right at the time. 

- What is your favourite genre to write for?

@malfoysqueen14​ :  Angst. Never mind the fluff, the smut, the crack, it’s all about the angst. The angst is my ultimate goal. 

- Where do you get your inspiration from?

@imjustadrummer​ : A daily situation, or films. If the kids I worked with have said something weird i’d be like…”oh yeah, hey that can be a fic!”  A lot of different places really!

- Funniest story you’ve written?

@queenbeesback​ : It was an online thing, where they met online and it took a while for them to meet up. That was quite light hearted. 

- What is everyone's favourite ships?

Everyone: Dean and Donna. Benny and Dean. Sam and Eileen. Dean and Jo. Charlie and Alex. Sam and Gabriel

- What’s your favourite trope to write?

@anathewierdo​ : Friends to lovers and enemies to lovers

- Which part of your upcoming fic was the hardest to write?

@imjustadrummer​ : Trying to work out all the clues and cleverness to it. Like codes and things, working out how to put in all the easter eggs in my upcoming fic. It’s like a treasure hunt so I need to ensure there is cleverness in there.

- If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

@superfanficnatural​ : Oh that’s...ok...most definitely...Smuuuuttttt (pretty much how he announced it)

-------------------------

I think that’s it!

Thank you so much once again to everyone who joined the chat, we had 6 hours of laughs and i cannot wait to do it again. I’d appreciate it if you could share this to spread the love of the fics and authors on here!

Keep an eye out for the next date for our next livestream! It will be in a couple of weeks, date to be announced. If you guys have any idea’s or want something included, let us know. If you want to be tagged when we announce, let us know!

@deanwanddamons​ - tagging you babe as you asked so you can catch up on what we talked about <3 

THANK YOU.

xox

[astrology-india]

How To Attract A Taurus Man And Make Him Fall For You

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/how-to-attract-a-taurus-man/

How To Attract A Taurus Man And Make Him Fall For You

Have you met a handsome man who was born under the astrology zodiac sign of the Bull, and who sends tingles down your spine every time you think of him?

Maybe you have been on a couple of dates with your Taurus crush, but the dates never mature into a serious relationship?

Possibly you are looking for ways to capture the heart of a Taurus man and keep it?

Learning how to attract a Taurus man and make him desire you is not as hard as you may think. To be able to ignite attraction in your Taurus crush, it is important that you familiarize yourself with his key traits, and what he is looking for in a romantic liaison.

The Taurus male has the zodiac sign of the Bull which indicates a masculine strong-minded character, that can be stubborn and reserved.

Alternatively, the ruling planet of Taurus is Venus, the planet of love. This gives him the trait of being a trustworthy and devoted partner to someone who takes their time to understand him.

A Taurus man is ruled by his senses rather than logic and is initially drawn to a woman by her looks and her aroma. Dressing well will excite his visionary sense and leaving traces of your distinctive perfume will arouse an animal instinct that will always keep you in his mind.

Additionally, a Taurus man tends to gravitate towards beauty, loyalty, and a woman who is confident. Remember the saying, ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’, beauty comes in many forms so be confident moving forward.

This article will give you insights on what you need to do to appeal to the man born under Taurus the bull. Please keep reading.

8 Tips For How To Attract a Taurus Man

Be Confident

When trying to win the heart of a Taurus man, femininity is just the tip of the iceberg. Besides looks, your level of confidence really matters ladies. Taurus men find confident women to be quite sexy.

A confident woman is one who is not afraid to articúlate her needs and desires. She is assertive and is not afraid to share her point of view with the opinionated Taurus guy.

However, care must be taken to not become overbearing or dictatorial, because your Taurus crush could pull away if he feels too pressured.

You should be able to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses as well as work on making yourself better. Above all, be comfortable in your own skin.

Sow The Seeds Of Desire In His Mind

Some Taurus men can sometimes take forever in showing their affections which can create uncertainty in a woman’s mind.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was something that could draw him out of his shell without him thinking you were too pushy???

Well, something that has worked for lots of women wanting a relationship with a Taurus man is Text Chemistry. This is a process that has been developed by a dating expert that uses carefully crafted messages that make a man desire the woman who sent them

Sounds way out I know, but when you think about it, everyone has a cell phone and it is now an accepted part of our lives. If you could send messages directly to your crush’s subconscious brain you could create a desire for you without him even realizing.

Every relationship situation is different so you need to make up your own mind if this simple technique will show you the easiest way to attract a Taurus man.

Listen to a video that tells you how to create the desire in a man’s mind. This has been successfully used to make a man obsess over a woman or even powerful enough to get him back after a breakup. Click this link to discover for yourself Text Chemistry here.

Show Your Femininity

 Men are visual creatures. What’s more, in his book,  Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey has emphasized that the principal thing that makes men gravítate towards women is femininity.

If you want to appeal to the alpha Taurus man, your femininity is highly important. Taurus men appreciate beauty. They crave to be with a woman who not only smells good, but also one who is well-groomed, and one who makes the most of her best features.

Therefore, be sure to hit the gym, wear a signature perfume, flattering hairstyle, statement jewelry, and a dress that flaunts your favored features. Your outfit should highlight your best features, but it shouldn’t reveal too much. To complete the look, be sure to wear a smile.

Be Authentic

Relationships thrive on authenticity and connection. With that in mind, if you want to become irresistibly attractive to your Taurus crush, truthfulness and loyalty are crucial qualities.

A Taurus man is very loyal, and he wants to spend his life with a woman who is loyal. Additionally, he tends to gravítate towards a woman who is not afraid of staying true to herself.

He wants a woman who does not wear a facade when around him.

With that in mind, do not be afraid to express yourself truthfully. Be willing and ready to let your Taurus boyfriend know who you are, including your faults. Disloyalty and untruthfulness will certainly turn him off.

Exercise Patience

Patience is a virtue when dealing with a Taurus guy more so because one of the positive traits of Taurus men is patience. What’s more, Taurus men can have a tendency to be very stubborn, cold, and aloof, and sometimes you will need to show patience to cope with it.

Therefore, if you want to win the attraction of Taurus man and keep it, learn to be patient. Taurus men love to take things slow, and they don’t like to be pushed or chased.

When you communicate your intentions and interest in him, it is important that you allow him to move things at his own pace. Being demanding and nagging will definitely make him lose interest in you.

Understanding how a Taurus man acts within a romantic situation is vital if you want it to become a long-term commitment. Truly understanding a Taurus man’s particular traits and characteristics will give you the key to his heart.

Someone who has studied the characteristics of a Taurus man is relationship expert Anna Kovach. Anna has written a book detailing everything a woman needs to know about her Taurus crush, from dating through to the bedroom.

If you want to know the key ingredients that will make a Taurus man surrender to your charms, and also, be happy to spend the rest of his life with you Taurus Man Secrets will give you the answer.

 Cook Him Good Food

I’m sure you’re familiar with the adage, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” If yes, then you know how to win the love of your Taurus man.

Taurus men are said to have a refined palate, and a delicious meal can be a great turn-on for the bull. Therefore, you can invite him over and cook him his favorite meal.

Alternatively, you can take him for dinner to a restaurant that specializes in hot spicey dishes, which usually happens to be the bull’s perfect cuisine.

Nothing raises a Taurus man’s ardor more than a full stomach, accompanied by his favorite wine, secluded lighting, and background music.

Sense of humor

Laughter helps the brain to release endorphins, which are feel-good hormones.

What’s more, when a Taurus man is completely relaxed in your company he is renowned for his great sense of humor.

Laughter will not only boost your bull’s mood but also enhance your connection and increase his attraction towards you.

So, be sure to provide some funny stories that may have happened to you recently.

However, it is important that you exercise caution when making jokes because Taurus males can be extremely sensitive. Just stick to comical incidents that are in the news or situations that have happened to friends.

A great way of breaking the ice with a Taurus man is by sending him comical material via text. Be very careful not to overdo it and send messages for the sake of it.

If you want to know how to make the best impression and get the best reaction you can find out by clicking this link here.

Shower Him With Compliments

Have you ever been complimented? If yes, how did it feel? It must have felt good, right. Well, men love receiving compliments. With that in mind, you can make yourself irresistible by making him feel good about himself.

In other words, it is important that you give your Taurus crush genuine compliments. For instance, you can take notice of his determination, sense of style, sense of humor, and even his generosity.

The secret is to compliment him on something you find attractive, and something that will spark his interest.

I have included the YouTube video below because it has been recorded by a woman who gives you some more tips on how to attract a Taurus man. I hope it helps you win his heart.

Final Thoughts

Do you feel like you are now ready to conquer your Taurean’s world? Do you think you are now well equipped to create more attraction with the Taurus man you have eyes for?

Well, being the attractive woman a Taurus male will chase and commit to comes down to showing him your best qualities. In other words, to be an irresistible woman, you need to be grounded in your femininity with regard to how you dress, smell, talk and even walk.

Additionally, it is important that you let the Taurus male do the chasing, which comes down to exercising patience.

Remember a Taurus guy does not want to be rushed or pushed to do anything. Allow him to move things at his own pace.

However, if he needs encouragement, the perfect way to do it is via text message. Subtle words that he reads in your messages will make him crazy to be with you. Discover these powerful magic sentences here.

If the bull shows interest in you, be sure to respond with confidence and authenticity. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. If you want him to fall hard for you, let him see the real you who is comfortable in her own skin, and who accepts her flaws.

Last, but definitely not least, find out all about his traits and characteristics so that you know exactly how to handle him when he falls for you. Check out Taurus Man Secrets here which will give you everything you need to know to complete your perfect relationship.

Once you believe in yourself, and follow the tips in this article you will know exactly how to attract a Taurus man.

Looking For More Help With A Taurus Man?

I hope this article has been of help. If you would like to read more informative posts about a Taurus man, you can find them by clicking this link to our homepage.

[hwhelldayum-blog-blog]

I Figured It Out (A Gummi Phone Rant)

So I loved Kingdom Hearts 3. It answered a lot of questions I had, reunited the sea salt and the Wayfinder trios, and validated why I spent so much time on my phone playing a mobile game people kept telling me to quit because it would never be part of the whole story. However, something about the story left me unsatisfied. I’ll probably do a post about my feelings on the game as a whole, but there is one specific thing I want to discuss (three guesses based on the title.)

Yes I am talking about the Gummi Phone. Spoiler/not really spoiler Chip and Dale send Sora the Gummi Phone so he can keep in contact with them and Ienzo because plot purposes. Also installed on the phone is Jimimy’s journal, a secret emblem count, treasure count, play games, take selfies and a few other things. But plot-wise this phone is used to contact Mickey/Riku, Chip/Dale and Ienzo throughout cutscenes. 

Now being a girl who picks up her phone in the morning before she picks up her glasses I can happily tell you that one of the best features of the phone is the ability to communicate to others knowing that the message would get to the recipient when they had time to read it. Thus time constraints are a second thought when you can text something you just thought of or even life events you cannot wait to share with others. It is why instagram, snapchat, youtube, facebook and tumblr are so prevalent in modern day life.  

Speaking of which during the game all of the transitions from place to place have a psuedo-instagram posts. They feature the worlds Sora goes to, Ienzo and Riku being deep, and Mickey trying to humanize his uber-strict teacher. I mention this because when they first showed up I got so excited, but then they just cycled through the same fifteen posts and I was disappointed. I bring up these posts because I feel thy could have helped with communication in another way. 

One of my biggest gripes with this still fantastic game is the lack of communication between the main #1 trio of the entire series: The Destiny Trio. When the trailers came out I was so excited to see Sora, Riku, and Kairi rekindle their friendship after being stuck doing things high school students should not have to. Instead they isolate all three from each other and then try to crunch their communication to 2 at a time per character for about an hour and a half of cutscene time. And this is for a game that has about 12 hours worth of cutscenes. Now I believe they could have done an easier way to make sure these cinnamon rolls could have been in constant communication throughout the whole game and it all starts with this gosh darned gummi phone. 

Now lets say that there was another button to select on the gummi phone menu. Lets call it... Snapstagram. After some important cutscenes or after completing worlds, you can log into Snapstagram and BAM! Look who is posting. It’s Kairi sending a selfie with Lea about her training and Riku being #plaidbrothers with King MIckey. Finished with Corona? Well guess what? Kairi successfully beat up Lea in a sparring match. Meanwhile Riku revisted radiant garden and reunited with Leon and Cloud for a selfie. But most importantly you have the option of commenting one thing for each post by your two besties. Not only is this a way to keep these three paopu-fruitnuts in constant contact but also lets the players follow Riku and Kairi on their progress with their missions. 

Now I know what you are thinking: But wouldn’t that be a lot of programming for the Kingdom hearts team? First off, they had 13 years to work out the details of this game. Secondly THEY HAD 13 YEARS TO WORK OUT THE DETAILS OF THIS GAME. But most importantly they have done something similar to this concept in an earlier game. FFXV. 

Check it. Spoiler/You’ve had plenty of time to play this game not spoiler: Noctis and Luna are arranged to marry but since they live in rival areas their only means of communication has been this journal sent back and forth by Luna’s magical dog Umbra. Every time Luna sent Noctis a letter about how she is excited to be reunited with him, Noctis has the option to give one reply to her. Now in FFXV, so far we have only seen Luna and Noctis communicate when they were children in flashbacks, the heartbreaking death scene, and the fully completed are they in heaven post credits scene. If the player has not watched Kingsglaive of FFXV Brotherhood, they do not see Luna for more than 30 minutes of the entire game. But this constant communication between the two lovers give those players enough information to get “Yeah they are a long distance relationship and I should care about the girl my character feels this strongly about. 

A common trend I see in the Kingdom hearts thread is the lack of communication with Kairi in particular with Sora and then Nomura kind of hoping the players assume they don’t need communication, but that is my problem. The main theme of the whole kingdom hearts games since number one is that Sora’s friends are his power. I realize that quite a few people believe this means his friendship with Donald and Goofy (And don’t get me wrong if anything happened to either of my disney brothers I would kill all 13 darknesses, 7 lights and then myself in an instant) but the journey started because Sora was separated from both Riku and Kairi. 

Now people believe that Riku has so much communication with Sora but I need to remind you that Riku popped up in brief moments of Sora’s life in KH1 while Kairi was a litteral resident in Sora’s heart most of the game. COM Riku’s route only happened after Sora went beddy-bye. No Kairi communication but no real Riku connection either. KH2 Riku and Kairi slipped between Sora’s fingers most of the game until Endgame. So equal communication. DDD No Kairi but Riku also didn’t truly communicate with Sora except for before and after the Mark of Mastery exam. But he was Sora’s dream eater so it makes up for the time Kairi was literally in sora’s heart.  So Lack of Communication is pretty equal between all three hot messes. 

Now if they were able to have something to keep in touch to make sure the other two were safe that would satisfy the small part of me that turned sour when the other two trios were reunited and the main group got the shaft. The Wayfinder Trio during BBS had constant scenes between them and constantly verbally worried about each other the whole game. The sea salt trio had mostly scenes between duos but they were spread evenly during their game so each character had their own grievances about their breakup. Sora, Kairi, and Riku got the opposite. Equal amount of time in the past games, but this game when it was supposed to be the ultimate reunion story they had nothing until endgame.

With Snapstagram, not only does it give us background on mission progression for the non-player friends, it tells the players who did not play 1 or 2 enough information to go “These are my best friends I would die for them”. When I came to this conclusion a few hours ago I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I love KH3 and I kept wondering why I was so unsatisfied. If they game had utilized the gummi phone to be more like a regular phone, I think it would have been an easy was to solve some of the story issues that players had with the game. 

[noctem-novelle]

This February, celebrate Black History Month with Black authors!

Culture is important, whether it’s your own to celebrate or someone else’s that you can learn about and appreciate. In the last few years, we’ve seen a steady increase in people of colour, LGBT communities, non-Christian religions, and non-European cultures represented in young adult and middle-grade fiction. While this is a great improvement and definitely a step in the right direction, people of colour are still underrepresented. We can do more to make sure that authors of colour are seen and heard. The following list, while by no means exhaustive, is a selection of excellent YA and MG novels written by Black authors*. This month, take some time to explore their stories.

*This list appears in no particular order and is not intended to be read as though any one book is superior to another.

1. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (Young Adult)

When sixteen-year-old Starr Carter witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend, she must decide whether to lie low or to join the protesters who seek justice for Khalil. A touching, timely, and often raw story about a girl who finds herself when she feels most lost, it’s no wonder this book has spent more than 100 weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers list.

2. Riding Chance by Christine Kendall (Young Adult)

Based on Philadelphia’s Work to Ride program, this novel follows a young man who gets into some trouble at school and winds up doing community service at the Chamounix Stables in Fairmount Park. There, he learns to play polo, an intense sport that teaches perseverance and focus. This book really hit home for me, having spent most of my childhood at polo matches with WTR. In real life, Work to Ride provides underprivileged children and teenagers in Philadelphia with constructive extracurricular activities, peer mentorship, and even college enrollment assistance. To learn more about Work to Ride, check our their website or Facebook page!

3. Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann (Young Adult/New Adult)

Let’s talk about the amazing QPoC rep in this book! Alice, who is asexual and biromantic, is determined to spend her post-breakup summer on a tv binge. She definitely does not intend to fall for her co-worker, Takumi. Whoops. This book is a mostly-fluffy slow-burn romance, full of nerdy pop-culture references. If you remember tumblr circa 2011, this book is for you.

4. Garvey’s Choice by Nikki Grimes (Middle Grade)

Garvey’s father has always wanted him to be an athlete, but Garvey is just not interested. When his only friend convinces him to join their school chorus, Garvey finds confidence and a new way to communicate to his distant dad. Told in verse, this is a heartfelt novel about one boy’s transformation through music.

5. American Street by Ibi Zoboi (Young Adult)

In her debut novel, Ibi Zoboi draws on her experience as a Haitian immigrant to tell the story of Fabiola, a young woman whose mother is detained by U.S. Immigration when they emigrate from Port-au-Prince to Detroit. This book explores the cost of the “American dream” with a mix of family drama, romance, and a hint of magical realism.

6. The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo (Young Adult)

Xiomara feels both invisible and too visible in a world that doesn’t want to hear her but is happy to objectify her. To express herself and to find some relief from her religious mother’s strict expectations, she turns to slam poetry. This novel-in-verse includes romance, wavering faith, and feminism.

7. Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson (Young Adult)

This powerful novel features a young woman who is determined to make it out of her impoverished neighbourhood. Jade’s mother taught her to take every opportunity she’s offered, so every day she takes the bus across town to a private school where there are plenty of opportunities, even if she doesn’t quite fit in. But some opportunities are less welcome than others, like the chance to join a mentorship program for “at-risk” girls. Sick of being singled out as someone who needs help, Jade hopes to find some autonomy and to stay true to herself.

8. Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert (Young Adult)

Suzette is home in Los Angeles for the summer and she isn’t sure she ever wants to go back to boarding school. Between supporting her bipolar brother, Lionel, and trying not to think about her clandestine relationship with her roommate, she’s got a pretty full plate. Unfortunately, she’s also falling for the same girl that Lionel likes. When Lionel’s mental illness sends him spiraling, Suzette must face her past to help him. This family features a blended family, Black Jewish characters, and a queer woman of colour.

9. Courage by Barbara Binns (Middle Grade)

T’Shawn has done his best to help out since his father’s death, but life gets complicated when his brother Lamont comes home from a stint in prison. T’Shawn finds peace on the diving board, and earns a scholarship to join a prestigious team at a local swim club. But when the neighbourhood crime rate starts to rise, T starts to think that he and Lamont may never put their pieces back together.

10. Monster by Walter Dean Myers (Young Adult)

A murdered drugstore clerk, a trial, and a young man in crisis. Monster is the story of Steve Harmon, amateur filmmaker and alleged murderer. To cope with the trial, Steve writes down the proceedings as if it were a film script, but as he tries to tell his own story, the truth starts to feel a little hazy. This one has also been adapted as a graphic novel.

11. All-American Boys by Jason Reynolds (Young Adult)

Rashad wasn’t stealing, but people sure seem to think he was. After he drops a bag of chips and a police officer beats him for it, Rashad is stuck in a hospital bed while the nation debates his character. Meanwhile, Quinn, a white boy who witnessed the beating, comes to learn that racism didn’t end with the Civil Rights Movement.

12. Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor (Young Adult)

Sunny is an albino girl living in Nigeria. Her skin tone often makes her an outsider, but she soon finds herself drawn into a community of magic users called Leopard People. Together with her new friends, Sunny is tasked with tracking down a killer known for maiming children.

13. The Red Pencil by Andrea Davis Pinkney (Middle Grade)

Amira is finally twelve and hopes to start school, but her life is turned upside down when the Janjaweed militia attacks her Sudanese village and her family must make the long and difficult journey to a refugee camp. Life at the camp is hard, but when an aid worker gives her a pencil and paper, Amira’s world begins to expand.

14. One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia (Middle Grade)

Delphine Gaither and her two younger sisters travel from Brooklyn to Oakland to spend the summer with a mother they barely know. Imagine their surprise when she sends them to a Black Panther summer camp. Set in 1968, this historical fiction novel explores family dynamics and the importance of sisterhood.

15. Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson (Middle Grade)

In powerfully emotional poetry, Woodson tells the story of her childhood and what it was like to grow up Black in the 1960s and 70s. This novel-in-verse won the National Book Award and the Coretta Scott King Award.

16. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor (Middle Grade)

Between the depression and threats from the night riders, the Logan family has had a tough year. Cassie doesn’t see why her family’s land is so important, but as she becomes more aware of the way their white neighbours treat them, she soon comes to understand that the family’s strength comes from having their own place in the world. This book tackles the ugly reality of racism in the deep south from the perspective of a precocious nine-year-old. It can be hard to stomach at times, but I think that just makes it more important.

17. Zora and Me by Victoria Bond & T.R. Simon (Middle Grade)

Part historical fiction and part small-town mystery, this fictional imagining of Zora Neale Hurston’s early days sees the author as a young girl, exercising her skills as a storyteller. When one of Zora’s tales seems to come true and a man winds up dead, she and her friend Carrie find that things in their little town are not as peaceful as they appear.

18. Blended by Sharon M. Draper (Middle Grade)

Every since her parents’ divorce, Isabella has felt torn in two. Two houses, two families, two races. Switching between her parents, also means switching between two different identities. How can she ever feel whole when she’s constantly split in half? This book examines the life of a biracial girl, and doesn’t shy away from addressing exoticism and the (PG) fetishisation of mixed-race people.

19. Black Enough: Stories of Being Young and Black in America edited by Ibi Zoboi (Young Adult)

This contemporary anthology delves into the many-faceted lives of Black teens in the United States. Popular authors from a wide variety of backgrounds have contributed their voices to show that being young and Black in America is not just one singular experience, but a constellation.

20. The Parker Inheritance by Varian Johnson (Middle Grade)

A hidden letter and a summer mystery are what await Candace when she pokes through an old box in the attic. With the help of her neighbour, Brandon, she deciphers the letter’s clues in the hopes of discovering a forgotten fortune. This book is perfect for readers who like a good puzzle.

[witchofleviathan-blog]

Master List of Pagan Servers

Long Night's Hearth  A brand new pagan chat for newbies and sages alike. Join us in one of our many discussion topics, or hop into a group meditation. 15+ only! https://discordapp.com/invite/7G4GbVC The Rivers of Auðumbla ☼ The Rivers of Auðumbla is a Norse/Germanic Paganism (but not limited to) focused server for all those who are interested, practitioners, curious, or even just looking to make friends. Our goal is to create a comfortable environment for those who are looking to expand their practice or share their practices as well. This server is a place where all is welcome as we do not discriminate or judge people's identities, practices, or anything of the sort. We are accepting of everyone’s beliefs but we will not tolerate any hateful ideologies as we aim to be a community that people can feel comfortable to be in. Whether you love Norse/Germanic mythology, practice any form of Heathenary, looking to learn or make friends, or just work with particular Norse/Germanic deities we hope you can join us! https://discordapp.com/invite/735HNk5 Norse Devotion  Hello! We are a server for anyone searching for a place to freely talk about their deities pertaining to the Norse pantheon such as Loki, Freya, Odinn, Hati etc. We have other channels for witchcraft purposes and for talking about other pantheons while mainly talking about the Norse. Please feel free to join! https://discordapp.com/invite/9N32sNF The Casual Coven  We're a welcoming community of younger people from magick-based religions such as paganism, satanism, and wicca. We have older, experienced members willing to give advice to newbies just finding their path, so don't feel turned away if you are just starting off! This server is a welcoming community for people of all religions, regardless of beliefs and backgrounds, and showing respect to each other is our highest priority. We're a chill server with few rules and restrictions, so feel free to stop in and check us out! We have designated shitposting channels to make sure the meme-helliness doesn't get out of hand, so if that isn't really your thing, don't worry about being swamped with it. We also have channels for venting, writing, video games, photography, and more! This is NOT a debate server. People of all religions are welcome to join, but attempting to convert others to your religion or insulting other beliefs will result in a ban. self assignable roles our own homemade bot events hosted often plenty of channels for any topic friendly staff and welcoming community updated anti-troll defenses to keep spammers out a waifu voting gauntlet and plenty of shitty memes a chill community with lots of active members https://discordapp.com/invite/zv6Y5B6 Druid's Grove  We are a community of druids welcoming all other pagans to join our community, hang out and chat. https://discordapp.com/invite/GEkQAyq Whispering Grove  Whispering Grove is a new server catering to druids, pagans, bards, ovates, and much more. We welcome anyone just finding their path, or those who have been on their journey for some time. This server is LGBTQIA+, and mental health friendly. We respect one another with equality. https://discordapp.com/invite/WzMHavy The Guild Of The Wilder  Welcome, we are a small community of like-minded folks how hold interests in outdoorsmanship and her related activities. Everything from Hiking, hunting, botany, brewing, such as the more traditional spirituality based aspects of the outdoors as in traditional paganism, animism, and shamanism. So if you have interest in the outdoors, the back to the basics off-grid sort of lifestyle, or just want a comfy place to chat we welcome you to the Guild friend. https://discordapp.com/invite/5Fycxfg A Home For Pagans  we are a server that is a home for all pagans wether you be traditionalist or new age please join and have a chat. https://discordapp.com/invite/2Qn3BzV Agora  A server for Pagans, Wiccans and religious denominations of all kinds! We're an open-minded, friendly and non-judgmental server for everyone, young and old! It doesn't matter how long you've been learning or practicing- we would love you to join us!  This is a place for learning, discussion, fun and games- all in equal measure. https://discord.gg/USCTMsg gays only (no wiccans)  Hello! We are a non-wiccan LGBT pagan server! The only requirements are to be LGBT and pagan! Please, no wiccans. We offer a safe environment for traumagenic systems as well as Tupperbox. We offer -General channels -Meme channels -Spirituality channels -Support -And a welcoming staff and members! https://discordapp.com/invite/s2hFtxH Gaelic Sun Tribe  This is a right-wing Irish discord inspired by /pol/ mostly NP trolls but we except post people. https://discordapp.com/invite/zsf4QBa Aphrodite's Grotto  Aphrodite's Grotto is an open and inclusive server for any and all people whose experiences fall under the pagan umbrella of the religions of the world. This is a safe environment for pagans who wish to share their romantic experiences, seek advice from a community, or meet other pagans in a romantic setting. We encourage the acceptance of couples as well as single members into the community, as their unique experiences can shed light on many situations. As we grow and learn together, maybe you'll just happen to find the one that's been missing from your life. - Our server features: ° A thorough vetting process, and comprehensive   community guidelines. ° Relationship Advice ° Dating Ideas ° Support for LDR's ° A positive atmosphere ° Games and cute bots ° Astrology and Divination  ° Spirituality Inclusion  ° Breakup Support  ° Partnerships ° Self-assignable Roles ° Currently seeking staff Aphrodite's Grotto is a creative space still currently under development. https://discord.gg/yzemPg8 Shamanism  The Shamanism server is a place for any wandering soul in search of information about shamanism, altered states of consciousness, trance rituals experienced by shamanistic tribes and a likeminded growing community to exchange with. https://discord.gg/64XbQPp Just Some Pagans  A new server for Pagans, Wiccans, or anyone who's interested. All religions are welcomed as long as they remain respectful.  •Self-assignable roles •Lots of channels, including some for memes, games, writing, venting. •More stuff to come https://discordapp.com/invite/jeJjhuy

[thekonnection82]

As promised, Mamamoo completes their year long project ‘Four Seasons Four Colors’ with the release of their ninth mini album ‘White Wind’ on March 14. ‘Four Seasons Four Colors’ had goals of building up Mamamoo’s artistic repertoire by exploring new sounds that are unexpected of the group. Using seasons and colors for the concept gives the quartet wide range to accomplish these goals. Reviewing the last two mini albums (‘Red Moon’ and ‘Blue;s’) have been awesome, and I felt obliged to post about the final piece of the project.

The concept for this album treats white as the blank canvas for Mamamoo to freely create an array of colors by using the colors they had showcased in the past, conceptually both primary and neon colors. Mamamoo pays homage to their start as they use their bright colors in a modernized way parallel to their jazzy, retro-pop concept of debut. The way they are bolder and cooler with the pop of neon gave me the essence of their previous releases under the primary colors. Even the album cover design used a gradient accent of blue and purple that reminded me of their mini album cover for ‘Purple’ that was released prior to this project, which they first expressed the concept of mixing colors to symbolize a new sound. With all this said and seeing the teasers, I wondered if they were in any way revisiting their old sound.

I’ll be quoting Mamamoo as they gave descriptions of each song in their highlight medley video.

Let’s get to it!

  ‘White Wind’ Album Art

  ‘Where R U’

R&B song that expresses the heart fluttering feelings of waiting for a destined lover, as if they’re playing hide-and-seek. 

This track took me by surprise by how airy and light the production was. The plucked chords reminded me of strings from the violin family, and the flute synth notes created a refreshing, dreamy sound. If you listen closely during the pre-chorus you can hear xylophones chiming in and it plays as a cute little accent. These parts gave me the feeling that I was probably going to transcend into heaven, but the guitar and the main beat helped balance out the mentioned parts  as if to keep listeners grounded. The vocals expressed well about wondering where their future lover is. Although Mamamoo sang lightly, they didn’t sound weak or broken but rather firm. The way the song ended felt abrupt and awkward, only to realize it emphasized the wonder that surrounded the repeated question.

  ‘Gogobebe’ (Title Track)

The song uses the ‘jijibee (…)’ from Kim Gunmo‘s ‘Jjanga‘ as a motif for the lyrics and melody. You will be able to see Mamamoo having fun and enjoying themselves without clinging to past loves or things that have happened. 

Mamamoo embodies a liberating dance track here. Solar and Hwasa have entrancing control of the refrain as it draws you in and encourages you to continue partying with the group. Wheein delivers her lines in a sassy and chic way that you can forget her soft side. Moonbyul, raps her self-written lines coolly and with ease, and I appreciate her parts had two differing tones. The chorus’ melody reminded me of R&B girl groups of the 1990’s, which gave a different kind of retro vibe (compared to their rookie funky-pop releases). Within the chorus, the line where the members sang in unison gives emphasis to the theme of letting everything go. Yet, I find the theme ironic when the arrangement and production of this song sounded like it was crafted carefully and intricately. I never would have thought the combination of reggaeton and this latin guitar riff would be tasteful. So this is a fun, colorful track that will make you move in any way as you please.

Check out ‘Jjanga‘ by Kim Gun Mo, who co-composed this track.

  ‘Waggy‘

Bossanova-style song that tickles your heart like a spring wind, and has witty lyrics. It’s a song that’s like listening to a friend who has fallen in love and can’t hide their heart fluttering excitement. 

When the simple instrumentals started playing, I already had good feelings towards this song as it sounded upbeat and sweet. ‘Waggy’ really oozes fluttering affection, perfect for the spring season. The vocals are charming as they sing like a fresh breeze, and bounced to the rhythm like animated springing flowers. Mamamoo’s “beagle” humor could not be avoided as they added cute but subtle animal sounds throughout the song. The trumpet solo was a nice, classy touch that rides along the track’s wholesomeness. This quaint song was a little reminiscent to their similar, but more relaxing bossa nova track called ‘My Hometown’ (2016). It was nice to hear Mamamoo do this style of song again as it reminded listeners of their strength in making something a little old sound new while maintaining their boisterous group personality. You can definitely see this come to life as they performed ‘Waggy’ on music shows as they dressed up in various costumes and finding amusement out of  Hwasa’s tsundere attitude.

  ‘25‘

…still clumsy at 25, missing her natural, pure younger days while still loving her own self now, a step closer to her dream by maturing strongly. 

Since Wheein holds the color and wind symbol for this project, ‘25’ is the album’s obligatory solo track. Knowing her discography, Wheein is usually the one being featured, or has had a rapper feature on her tracks. It was nice to hear Wheein sound relaxed yet her serious effort was still prevalent. Even co-writing this song, ‘25’ gives listeners a chance to hear a personal, introspective side of Wheein. Besides the lyrics, the smoothness and steady groove of this song gives a sense of nostalgia, especially for those who grew up with ‘90s-early 2000s R&B.  The simple arrangement of guitar and snap beats didn’t overshadow Wheein’s varying vocals as it expressed genuine gratitude. Mamamoo’s fanbase, or Moomoos, would find this track so obvious in style as they are familiar with her leaning towards R&B and soul. It’s a down-to-earth, chill song which acted as a nice break between the livelier songs throughout the album.

On the set of ‘You Hee-yeol’s Sketchbook’ .

Backstage at M Countdown.

  ‘Bad Bye‘

Pop slash R&B track that ardently expresses the painful feelings of not being able to accept an approaching breakup. As the farewell is too painful and bad, a ‘good bye’ is expressed as ‘bad bye’.

This song started off with sad piano notes and I assumed it would be Mamamoo’s classic pop-ballad like the way they performed on music show “Immortal Songs 2” or their diva-esque ‘I Miss You’ (2016). But the thought was immediately denied when the mid-tempo beat with brief pulsating synth high hats, rain drops as snaps, and deep basses came in. The vocals are strong throughout the song, even at their lowest, softest parts. The melody sounded distressing and reminiscent (again) of old-school pop slash R&B tracks of the early millennium. The arrangement briefly alters during Moonbyu’s first rap part, and I thought it was interesting how dark it felt. Overall, listeners can belt out their heartache with some rhythm and soul.

  ‘My star‘

It expresses ‘You are my star’ to someone who can’t be compared to anyone else. The heavy bass and trendy beat hit you powerfully. 

A few seconds of the intro created a dramatic mood. Mamamoo is definitely right when they say that this song hits you hard, especially since the heavy bass drives the song. To match the heavy bass’ booming energy, the vocals had to sound mighty and confident as well. Solar’s tone fits perfectly for this, and Hwasa’s raspiness added some texture as it stands out more when reaching for those loud, high notes. The rap sounded gritty and flowed rhythmically well even though it was so brief. I kind of expected the bridge to be totally toned down, but there were spurts of the resonant notes (in the background) that tells me the energy was not going to be halted at any time. Kudos to Wheein who sprinkles the ending chorus with her falsettos. This song was very enjoyable and can uplift one’s mood.

  ‘4season (Outro)‘

It’s a song that brings Mamamoo’s ‘Four Seasons Four Color’ project into one. It has lyrics about each of the album themes, ‘moon, wind, flower, and sun’

This definitely ties up the ‘Four Seasons Four Colors’ project nicely. The arrangement felt warm and laid back, and it had me reminiscing of what Mamamoo tried to prove with this project for the past year. It’s parallel to their song ‘Paint Me’, but instead of talking about the colors they mention each season. Like how Mamamoo has described in their highlight medley, the outro encourages listeners and fans alike to continue on making memories with the group, which implied that just because the project is over, does not mean their musical ventures end.

Promoting to vote on M Countdown.

Promoting on Music Bank.

‘White Wind’ for the majority of the album reached the retro vibes in a way I did not expect. Rather than the funk and blues similar in their debut, Mamamoo took elements of 90s-2000s R&B pop and showed a more modernized confidence. It is a unique take of fusing old trends with the current trends of programmed music. I mostly enjoyed the diverse beats and production of this album, thanks to the magic provided by Cosmic Girl, and Rainbow Bridge World’s Cosmic Sound, Park Soo Wang, and hit maker CEO Kim Do Hoon. They were able to provide clean, vibrant backdrops while keeping Mamamoo’s vocals shining upfront. This EP also compiled the gists of previous albums: the freshness of spring like ‘Yellow Flower’, the bold and daring like ‘Red Moon’, and the chicness like ‘Blue;s’. Mixing these sounds gave Mamamoo more to paint with and it has produced vivid and entertaining tunes for any kind of listeners. 

  What do you think of ‘White Wind’? Comment your thoughts down below!

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  Written by: Eliana L.

Sources: Mamamoo Facebook | Mamamoo Twitter | Mamamoo Youtube | TV-People Youtube | Mnet K-POP

Check out Mamamoo's newest album 'White Wind' ! As promised, Mamamoo completes their year long project ‘Four Seasons Four Colors’ with the release of their ninth mini album ‘

[glen-communist]

Letters to My Past Lovers

I saw a post like this a long time ago and I've always wanted to do it. I'm really happy I did because this was a very cathartic experience, I highly recommend it.

1. Michael

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and regrets about us. I am grateful for the time we spent together and the lessons I learned from us. You were my first ever boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. We went to my prom together and those pictures are awful. I’m laughing just thinking about them. We really grew together I think because the person I met at work and the person that cheated on me were really different. So, maybe our growth wasn’t exactly healthy. I remember feeling so hurt by the things you did to me and that really impacted that way I’ve gone on in dating and I think I’ve hurt people because I was hurt by you. But I can’t blame you for everything. I was awful. Maybe not at first, but I grew to be controlling and smothering. I was lazy and didn’t show you the affection I think you needed. I was manipulative and just straight up mean to you. I am really sorry for the toxic things I did to you and in our relationship. There are so many things I regret. I’d like to think that I’ve grown and changed since then. I would not have been able to admit any fault in our relationship ending until recently. I understand now that I really pushed you into a corner and we just became so comfortable to a fault with each other because I let myself treat you the way my parents treated me growing up. I’ve learned that I’m meanest to the people I love the most, and I really did love you. And think that feeling was mutual. I never said thank you for apologizing and returning my things after the fact. I don’t think I kept the letter you wrote me because I was not ready to process my feelings about our relationship at all. But I think I reached a point this year where I can appreciate what we had for the good and bad. I wouldn’t take our time together away. You really helped me figure out who I was, and you did support me in my transition into college life, which I do appreciate a lot. I don’t appreciate the trust issues that I have now. And the commitment issues. I’m still healing from my wounds and learning from my mistakes. And it is still hard for me trust any guy that shows interest in me because of all of your lies. I hope you’ve stopped doing that. I really do. Because I think you’d be a great partner for someone if you didn’t lie and sneak around like you did with me. I’ve stopped checking up on your Facebook, so I’m unsure if you’re still with the girl that caused our breakup, but if you are I hope she has made you a better person and that she doesn’t hurt you the way I did. And I really hope you don’t hurt her the way you hurt me.

2. W

I’m not sure if you knew this, but you were my first hookup after my breakup. So, I appreciate you for being my first, but I do not appreciate the interactions we had. From what I can remember and the text messages I have screenshotted, you were not exactly healthy for me. However, in the brief moments we actually spoke to each other about life, you seemed very troubled and confused, so I hope you’ve had time to heal and grow since we’ve last spoke. I am grateful that I had the experience I did with you and that I’ve been able to grow and learn from it, and hopefully you did, too.

3. K

Honestly, you did not have that large of an impact on my life, which is not necessarily a bad thing. For a brief FWB, you were very nice and considerate. I never felt uncomfortable around you, and your dog was adorable. I think we both knew that what we had would be brief and casual (even if I didn’t understand that at the time), so I appreciate that I never felt pressured by you. I do genuinely hope that you are doing well and that you find happiness.

4. Ryan

The way things ended between us was very unsatisfying. You were the first guy I was thinking about getting serious with after Michael, so when things fizzled out, I was definitely upset. Although, in retrospect, that was probably for the best. I was not ready for a relationship when I met you, and that really showed through my actions. I was petty and jealous about little things because I still hadn’t recovered from what happened with Michael. I hope you are doing well, and I hope you know that I regret the way I acted and think of you as “the one that got away.”

5. Will

You don’t know this Will, but I do still think about how things ended between us. I believe you were the first of many guys that I inevitably ended things with because of superficial reasons. And I really regret the way I acted and treated you. You were so nice, so incredibly nice. And you deserved more than what I could give you at the time. If I met you now instead of then, things probably would have lasted longer or ended differently (although the commute to your house was a lot for me). I hope you are doing well, and I really hope my actions and words didn’t scar you. I’m very sorry for the way I ended things and that I wasted your time because you do deserve better.

6. Noah

Oh, Noah… what to say? I still dream about you and what could have been. Not in a creepy way, promise. You were a wonderful FWB. Although your room was VERY dirty, and I should have said something. But the time we spent together was always so much fun. I really hope you have stopped smoking so much because that was a big factor in why things ended between us, and if I remember correctly, you had some health issues because of it. We shouldn’t have dated. I knew it wasn’t going to work, and we ruined a great FWB dynamic because of that. When I say I still dream about you, I mean a fantasy version of you that could be what I need in a partner, but still provided as much fun as you did in real life. Unfortunately, our goals and hobbies were too different for things to ever last between us. And frankly, you suck at texting back. A relationship between us didn’t work, but I hope you find someone that does work for you. Any girl would be lucky to have you. And if you are still a smoker, hopefully you find a girl that loves it as much as you do. And I’m jealous of any girl that still gets to sleep with you, but we all need more than that from life.

7. H

I’m unsure if I should even include you on this list. I’m defining “lovers” as “people I have slept with” so you do fit that mark, but you were far from a lover. We hooked up once in your car and then you blocked me. I can’t be that mad because I have ghosted people before as well, but I’ve never slept with someone then ghosted them. That night is pretty hazy for me, I honestly can’t even remember your name. But I do remember that you had a picture of a girl in your car and as your phone background, so I’ve always wondered if you cheated on someone with me. If you did, fuck you. That is such a nasty thing to do. But, I do remember you saying something about having recently broken up with a long term girlfriend, so it is entirely possible that you just weren’t over her. Or you could have been a lying cheater. I’ll never know. I definitely regret that night, and I hope you figured out whatever problems you were going through and grew from them.

8. Q

Another nameless hookup. This was not a good phase for me, and I’m sorry that I dragged you into it. Although, you probably didn’t care about me as a person, or at least that is what I gathered from the meaningless conversations and sex we had. You never even bothered to ask me about what I liked or please me at all. But you did put a condom on without me having to ask, which was very appreciated. I’m sure I am just another mark on your headboard, and you are kind of that for me, too. Hopefully you’ve met someone that you actually want to satisfy and treat as an actual human being and not just a hole.

9. Joe

Oh, Joe… I do still think about you and that night. I didn’t know it at the time, but you were the best sex I’ve had to date. And I wish I knew that, so I could’ve stayed there longer or at least met up with you again. I also didn’t know at the time that you were in a fraternity (your living situation should have tipped me off, but it didn’t), so I can say that I’ve slept with a frat boy. But that is not really how I think about you. To me you were the best sex ever and I think one of the few times I’ve actually orgasmed while having sex with someone else. So, I thank you for that night, and I really hope you are doing well.

10. Douglas

I don’t know if you were playing me or if I freaked you out. You came off as such a nice guy, but after we slept together, you blocked me. So, it is entirely possible that you were lying about everything and just using me for sex. You said I was your second time ever, but who knows if that is the truth. We also had sex in a car which is my least favorite way to have sex. Although, based on your performance, it is very likely that I was your second time, or you’ve never slept with a plus sized girl before. You are another guy that I wouldn’t include on this list if my definition of “lover” was more specific. Another regretful notch on my bedpost.

11. James

I am so sorry James. I am really genuinely sorry. You deserved so much better. You were one of the sweetest and funniest guys I’ve ever talked you. You let yourself be vulnerable with me, and I broke your heart. My actions haunt me, and I can’t say sorry enough. I still have that cup you gave me, and there are professional pictures of me out there with your sweater on. My friends really liked you, and really liked your friends. I even hung out with your family and met your mom. I really liked you. But I was so stupidly superficial. I really wish we never slept together because that ruined everything. I was too immature at the time to really appreciate everything you brought to the table beyond stupid sex. If I had to chose one person on this list to see again, it would be you, so I could really apologize to you in person. Breaking up with you over something as stupid as sex is my biggest regret. I don’t know if you ever think about me, but I kind of hope you don’t because I hate what I did to you and I don’t want you to feel bad about yourself like that again. I’m so sorry. I really hope you are happy now and that you found someone smarter than me because you are a beautiful person that deserves the world.

12. Thomas

I really wish we never met. That might sound harsh, but I wish we never met for your sake. I was your first girlfriend after your previous one had passed away, so I know that me breaking up with you must have brought up some awful feelings. If you never met me, you probably would have been better off. Although, we did have some great moments together that I wouldn’t want to forget. Like spending New Years 2020 together playing D&D with your friends. That night was so much fun. But I don’t think either one of us were really healed enough to have a long-lasting relationship. We were moving really fast and I wasn’t ready for that or honestly happy enough with myself to support a real relationship. I’m sure you’ll be fine and find someone that is ready because you were a really cool person and some lucky girl will get to really appreciate that. I just wasn’t that girl.

13. Brady

We had some very unfortunate timing. And some serious communication issues. I’m pretty sure if COVID didn’t happen, something else would have led to our demise. I can’t really explain why but I don’t think we would have ever worked. You were very confusing for me. Very hot and cold. And with my commitment and trust issues that would have never worked. But I won’t shy away if I see you on campus again because oh boy was the sex good. It’s just the feelings that weren’t there for me. I know you’ll find happiness with someone someday. We just weren’t a good pair, but that’s okay. And I think you feel the same way about it, too.

14. Mikey (a different one)

I think you were the only guy I’ve “dated” that ended things with me. Which is interesting because I still managed to hurt you despite you wanting to end things first. You are a really nice guy and I loved talking and getting to know you. But we were just so different. And I think you understood that, too. You said that you weren’t ready for something serious, which may have been true. And in retrospect, I wasn’t ready for anything serious either. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings in the end, but I still stick by what I said. I don’t think we would have ever lasted. But I am glad I met you and got to know you on a truly deeper level. Thanks for that.

[jerepars]

The Con Extended Chapter Notes

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.

> “Look, it’s not like you’d really be dating me or be with me or whatever,” he began. “It’s just…see, you’re trying too hard.”

> “I’m offended,” I mumbled, already full of regret for even granting him a minute to waste. “Trying too hard at what?”

> “To impress Jughead,” Archie said it like it should’ve already been obvious to me. “Basic human instinct is that we’re attracted to the people who don’t try too hard.”

When I began writing this chapter, I looked for scenes that are dialogue heavy for Archie because that’s what I’ve gotten used to doing for Jughead. Even if it’s the same dialogue over and over again from the 13 episodes we’ve currently got. I feel like the way Jughead speaks is very distinct so his dialogue is always the toughest to write. If I can’t hear it in his (Cole’s) voice in my head, then I don’t think it’s the right dialogue.

Turns out that’s pretty much a Jughead-only problem.

I kept watching clips of Archie/KJ speaking and the parameters are...wide open. It’s easier. So bless Archie Andrews for that.

I have my own ideas about the persona I want Archie to take on in this story. In the second part of the chapter, Archie is described as clueless, unreliable, a fuckboy, a jock, a frat guy. I don’t think that’s anything new, and yes, those things will hold true in the story. But that’s just Archie on the surface. Because he is very involved in this story, I want to be able to look beyond the conceit that he projects and see his depth.

So with that in mind, it made me think of Beaver, a minor character from the ABC Family show Greek. He’s portrayed as this big dumb frat guy. But when it comes to explaining to Casey why Cappie and Evan can’t be friends in 4x04 (1:40 to 2:48), he acts as if it should be obvious. He says, "this is some pretty basic stuff". So in that scene, in that episode, it’s revealed that there is more to Beaver than meets the eye, there’s something beneath the surface.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense without knowing the context of the episode or the plot of the show. But this is what inspired Archie’s persona at this point in my story, when he is presenting the plan to Betty, like it’s simple matter of fact.

> “It wouldn’t be as much a game as much as it would be a…a…a con,” Archie found the right word and then added, “and besides, can’t I just be a nice guy trying to help?”

> “No,” I said blatantly. “A proposition such as yours has to have some quid pro quo laced in it somewhere.”

> “Quid what now? I don’t know even know what that means.” Archie let go of my arm and put both his palms against the couch cushion and leaned back in place, against the empty air. The playful expression left his face. “Look, Betty, I really do want to help. My girlfriend and I broke up this summer and I’m still processing it. I feel like I need to be doing more than just writing breakup songs. I could use a project.”

> I had no idea that Archie Andrews had such a heavy heart.

I was thinking about how on the show, especially in the early episodes, Betty and Jughead both consider Archie to be their best friend. Even when this kid hurts them, wrongs them, they give him chances to get back in their good graces again. That begs the question of why to me.

The answer to that question didn't come to me immediately as I thought back on all of the rewatching of season 1 that I've done. It did become clearer when I went through the Archie clips. I think it's pretty subtle, buried in the shuffle of all the blatantly difficult things that happen to everyone else. In 1x02, Jughead confronts Archie about Ms. Grundy and talks about the Archie that he used to know (1:35 to 1:48), who always tried to do the right thing. And that's it--that's who Archie is, he's a nice guy that tries hard (even though he falls short sometimes...a lot of the time). He wants to do the right thing and be helpful.

I think Archie gets typecast as a "bad" guy in a lot of stories because of the way he breaks Betty's heart or because of how oblivious he is or how he loves girls, loves being in love with these girls, and/or goes from girl to girl. I guess I want to get away from him being the "bad" guy. I want to highlight why he is actually a good friend to these characters. I'm always cheering for Betty and Jughead. Of course I am. In this story, I'm cheering for Archie, too.

...this is probably another one of those things that might not make sense or seem important until much later in the story.

Possibly worth mentioning: the part where Archie says "Quid what now?" is my version of Archie saying "wait, the what now?" from the diner scene in 1x07 (2:30 to 2:45).

> Three eggs were yellowed and lightly simmering on the frying pan when I heard the knock at the door. It was just past seven in the morning, a few hours before I had to be at the dance studio. There were two parts to each dance production during the ballet season: rehearsal weeks and performance weeks. During rehearsal weeks, all the dancers in the company—principals, soloists, corps members, and apprentices alike—participated in about an hour of ballet class before a break for lunch and then rehearsal. Rehearsal times were staggered and divided up according to dance scene. But class was always at the same time every morning.

I don't know what time the Joffrey Ballet's company class is during their rehearsal weeks, but there's this series about the New York City Ballet, and in this clip about the corps de ballet (6:00 to 6:10), one of the dancers mentions that he has to be at work at 10:30 every morning. If you watch the video, I should warn you that he seems kind of entitled and whiny (I'd love to not be at work until 10:30; and when he says that he's working his body, what exactly does he think people who do manual labor do every day?), but it's the only video I found that mentions a time, and that was helpful to writing the details of the daily routine as Betty describes in the paragraph.

> For the autumn program, Giselle, a very popular classical romantic ballet, would be staged by the Joffrey for the very first time, and I had made the first cast. I would be in one scene—the Peasant pas de deux, a common interpolation piece for big companies that did productions of Giselle. I would be dancing with my pas de deux partner, Trev Brown, for the better part of nine minutes, but we also had two variations each within that time frame. Since it would be my first time in a soloist’s role for the company, I had a lot to perfect over the next several weeks.

Using Giselle as the production for the autumn program is carry over from Shell Games. It took me so long to figure out what ballet and what pas de deux would be reasonable to use for that story. What Betty says here is true--this season, the Joffrey Ballet is premiering Giselle. I already knew that I wanted this story to be set in Chicago and when I saw that, it was solidified. There is more about pas de deux and the Peasant pas de deux past this chapter. This is just scratching the surface so that the dance part of her life is dispersed throughout the story instead of hitting you over the head with it all at once.

There is a great in-depth background and synopsis of Giselle right here.You can also check the Wikipedia page if you're interested.

The Peasant pas de deux is an interpolation piece between scene 13 and 14 during Act I of Giselle. Interpolations are additional dances inserted into a ballet that were not part of the original composition. As Betty says, big ballet companies (Joffrey is big) include interpolations.

Variations are small solo dances, usually between 1-2 minutes. Betty mentions that she and Trev have two variations each. There is technically only one female variation in the Peasant pas de deux, but some productions have an interpolation within the Peasant pas de deux interpolation, adding a second female variation.

For Betty, I went with the Peasant pas de deux that includes the second female variation. If you want to know what Betty and Trev's dance might look like, you can check out this excerpt from Giselle done by the Bolshoi Ballet here.

> “Betty, stop. Eat.” Jughead stressed the last verb. “I don’t want to be held responsible for any sort of injury if you miss the count on your pirouettes because you didn’t get enough breakfast, just so that you could be polite. Don’t worry about me. I’m meeting up with JB soon. She said something about breakfast burritos.”

I've been listening to I Am the Avalanche's self-titled album a lot while writing this story. Part of "New Disaster" goes: Don't play that game 'cause I can't be held responsible / For any sort of injuries / I don't wanna hear it. I almost named the story New Disaster because in pulling a con, there is a game being played. Possibly injurious to something other than the physical body? I didn't go with that as the title, but here is my ode to it anyway. Snippets from other songs on this album might work their way into the story as well.

> As a member of the Joffrey Ballet, there were certain things afforded to me (and my fellow company members) as per the terms negotiated by the American Guild of Musical Artists, the labor union I belonged to. A supply of custom pointe shoes to my specifications, twice-weekly physical therapy, paid vacation and sick days, a 401K, that sort of thing. But maybe the most important thing I had access to was counseling. Joffrey had a resident psychologist and every Friday I made it downtown early before class for my standing appointment.

From that same series as the video about the corps de ballet, here is one about custom pointe shoes for company members of NYCB. I don't know exactly what being a member of AGMA covers for ballet dancers (obviously, how could I know, right?). I would imagine that it varies from company to company depending on the negotiations with that company. I know that for most big ballet companies in the US, the dancers are unionized by AGMA. I know that the dancers at Joffrey are part of AGMA. The fact that I took it upon myself to figure this out is like a reminder of how stupidly obsessive my research is. All I really wanted to do was make it feasible for the company to have a resident psychologist.

> Ballet would never just be a normal, steady job that could be turned off after 5 PM. What we did wasn’t ‘normal’ and it was all encompassing of our lives. I thought that ballet lent itself to a lot of mental barriers to get stuck on: whether or not we had the right body type, if we were on the right diet, if we were going to get promoted, if an injury was going to end everything for us, if we could even have healthy relationships—healthy anything—when we were so focused on the pursuit of perfection for our art.

There are a lot of articles about the psychological effects of ballet. I thought it only right to mention some of those issues. It was reading about the resident psychologist at Atlanta Ballet that made me feel like I even could.

> I wouldn’t have changed anything about my experience on the way to making the corps de ballet, on the way to where I thought I was still headed onwards and upwards in the company, because it had shaped me to have thick skin and become mentally tough. I just wished I’d been counseled even before I’d gotten my apprenticeship. I wished I’d talked to Dr. Donahue earlier and heard her encouraging words and integrated the coping skills that she promoted, back in the days of my adolescence. Dr. Donahue had been a ballet dancer herself, a former corps member with Boston Ballet. So she got it, what it was like for us, where the psychological blocks were, and how our lives were affected by ballet beyond the studios of Joffrey Tower and the stage of the Auditorium Theatre.

I mentioned Joffrey Tower in the notes for the previous chapter when talking about Betty's commute, but this is the first time it is actually mentioned in the story.

Joffrey Tower houses the rehearsal space for the Joffrey Ballet.

I think there's some misconception that Joffrey Ballet performances take place at the Chicago Theater because of its close proximity:

But the resident home of the Joffrey Ballet is actually the Auditorium Theatre. I got to go to an event there once and the architecture is absolutely beautiful.

> Friday mornings were an important maintenance day for me so that I didn’t capsize before the weekend. I didn’t elaborate why to Jughead as he stood in my kitchen. I continued preparing my food so I could stick to my schedule and get out of the apartment on time to walk to the bus stop at a casual pace rather than sprinting my way there. I liked to be early.

After reading this chapter, I think it's pretty clear why the story is called The Con. One thing that hasn't been made clear yet is the song it's named after, "The Con" by Tegan and Sara, the title track of their 2007 album. One of the lines in the song goes I'm capsized, staring on the edge of safe. That's why there is mention of capsizing in this paragraph. In the video chapter for the recording of this song, Tegan and Sara talk about how there can be different interpretations to the word itself, con (4:00 to 5:27).

And that's what I like about it. That's why I think it was the right title to go with, because it has a bunch of different meanings, not solely because of the con that Betty and Archie are working.

con (verb): persuade (someone) to do or believe something, typically by use of a deception.

con (noun): an instance of deceiving or tricking someone.

con (noun): a disadvantage.

con (noun): a convict.

con (verb): study attentively or learn by heart (a piece of writing).

> “He’s pretty much a clueless frat boy with fuckboy tendencies.” Jughead’s exact words were a little funny, but calculated and deliberate. I knew he didn’t describe Archie that way to be mean, but rather, for what he thought was my benefit. “I don’t know if you can trust him to not let you down. His lack of a poker face is endearing but…he’s kind of oblivious. Not the most reliable.”

Speaking of different kinds of cons...this piece of Jughead's dialogue is inspired by the Comic Con trailer for season 2 where Jughead tells Archie that his utter lack of a poker face is what makes him so endearing.

> Jughead took off his beanie to run a hand through his dark hair. An unruly lock curled over his forehead. A sigh came as he repositioned the hat on his head and spoke again, “Look, you and I are…we’re friends, right? Obviously because you’re Chic’s little sister but not only because of that. We’ve been around each other, sort of, for practically our whole lives. I should care about what happens to you. I think I should be looking out for you.”

Before I wrote in Jughead wearing the beanie in the first chapter, I thought about whether it was still appropriate for him to be wearing it in this AU. All the pictures and scenes from the show without "this stupid hat" suggest that, no, non-canon Jughead does not ever need to be wearing the hat so that the curl can attack us at all times.

And then I found the perfect instance in the story for him to be without it. So it stayed. And it's going to be so good when he has to take it off.

I can't stop laughing at the writing decisions I find myself conflicted over these days.

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc