#do not want. but so long as I look after myself reasonably I'm good.
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wifewithasecret314 · 1 day ago
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"Talking" at Graduation
While doing long distance with my future husband, we ended up taking a short break. During this time, I ended up messaging the classmate I cheated on him with while drunk in my apartment and we started talking and sexting off and on. Coincidentally, that spring my little brother was graduating college so I was going to be in town again and we planned on meeting up. However, as the graduation came around my boyfriend and I ended up getting back together so I politely told the classmate that we couldn't meet anymore.
The graduation ceremony went well, and after my brother's graduation party, we all headed back to our hotel for the night. As everyone was climbing in bed, I got a text from the classmate telling me he was in the hotel parking lot. I didn't want to be rude so I figured I would go down and talk to him in person. I put on sweats and made my way down.
When I got to the car, he motioned for me to get in the front seat. I reluctantly got in and then immediately told him that I was just there to talk. Without a word, he opened his door, climbed out, and got in the middle of his backseat. He reached down, pulled out his massive cock, and started jerking it off slowly in front of me.
All of our sexting over the previous month had left me wanting the real thing again. I knew that I shouldn't but he already had it out and a blowjob didn't really count as cheating right? Plus my boyfriend and I had just been on a break so it shouldn't hurt to make it a little longer...I figured if I made him cum with my mouth then it wouldn't really be cheating.
Leaning back between the front seats, I took his cock in my mouth and started sucking him off. I did my best to make him cum as quickly as possible, jerking him off with both hands while I sucked on the head of his cock. The sweats I was wearing even made it easy for me to reach back and slide them down, giving him a good view of my ass while I blew him.
Unfortunately, all the effort to make him cum only turned me on more, and after a couple of minutes, I couldn't take it anymore...
I took off my pants the rest of the way and climbed on top of his massive dick, slowly easing myself down. I had almost forgotten how good his cock felt.... With my hands on in his chest I proceeded to ride his cock. Just talking had turned into me bouncing my little ass on his massive cock in the back seat of his car while my whole family was inside our hotel room.
At one point he jokingly commented about me "just talking", but I told him to shut up and fuck me. He forcefully grabbed me by the hips and bent me over in the back seat and proceeded to start pounding me from behind. While slapping my ass, he pushed my head down into the seat. He was fucking me hard enough that the whole car was rocking. I'm sure if anyone in the parking lot or windows looked over at the car, they would know immediately what was going on.
After several minutes of relentless fucking, he told me he was going to cum. Before I could stop him, he grabbed my hips and pushed me up against the car door while he came inside me. Just giving me another reason not to let my boyfriend find out about this...
Once we caught our breath, I cleaned up and got dressed before heading back inside. My boyfriend would never have to know that I extended out break a little longer.
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mzyraj · 3 months ago
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Early morning thoughts, still ruminating on that video from the other day, but shout out to that time I possibly got psychosis during the Duke of Edinburgh award camping thing and was terrified and convinced I was gonna die in that field if I stayed, so I bailed and my best friend of the time broke up with me for being 'selfish' because I left
#mental health#psychosis#tbf although I thought I was hallucinating at the time I'm not convinced I was. but delusions were clearly there#like I thought the clouds were doing something impossible but having been to a similar area much later. the clouds do just do that sometimes#but I still thought it was A Sign and I was gonna die out there so like. what's the difference#sorry ex friend if you thought at 14/15 years old you were gonna get me through that. most likely you just thought I was faking. nope.#but this is why I am very 👀 and sympathetic around mental health stuff#it's never happened (or not so badly) since. probably was triggered by the physical exertion and period and lack of sleep. but still#maybe just as well I'm not gonna go through pregnancy. who knows how bad it might be via those physical and emotional stressors#my mum's cousin who was incredibly smart and sensitive developed schizophrenia and spent most of his life in mental health facilities#do not want. but so long as I look after myself reasonably I'm good.#on that day I was still scared in the car and back home but being with my dad and then inside helped. the Danger felt Outside#a nice bath and good sleep in bed and I think I was basically fine the next day. but then drama with friend#tbf to her. it would not have been easy to be friends with me anyway because I had bad depression and wanted to die generally at that point#if she'd said 'I cannot handle being friends with you' that would have been fair#still would have sucked but it would have been fair. calling me incredibly selfish for what was actually mental health problems. not so much#I'm rambling in the tags#but just feeling the potential vulnerability in my mental health rn
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lieutenantselnia · 4 months ago
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Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹
#it was just a 20 minute beginners home workout and I can feel every muscle in my body now but I think they'd be so happy I pushed through!#I've had particularly Heinz and Maximilian on my mind I think they would be sooo happy that I'm trying to take better care of myself💖#Heinz because he's always there anyway of course but I kind of imagine Max is probably overall the fittest out of my f/os#he seems like the kind of guy who'd want to be an example for his soldiers and always hold himself to the same standards as them#he'd be so supportive and cheer me on and be proud of me every time I get myself to do something😭💖💖#I've never particularly enjoyed doing sports (aside horse riding but in the past year I didn't have time anymore for that bc of uni😭😭)#so I didn't really do anything anymore after I finished school#I started doing simple home workouts last year but in winter my mental health went a little📉 and then I had no motivation to keep going#dunno how long I'll go through with it this time but better than nothing I guess#again with the home workouts lmao bc driving to the nearest gym ain't worth the time for me and I'd need some basic fitness first anyway#I'm doing it mainly for health reasons but this time I'm also motivated to actually get a bit stronger#I don't mind looking like a stick figure and I'm overall content with my body (maybe it could help me to look a bit more masc tho?👀👀)#but I know especially for my posture and such it would be good if my muscles were just a tad bit more developed#my mum was proud of me too when I told her about it hehe :) she works in healthcare she's always a little concerned#she's just a little worried about me getting health issues when I'm older that could be avoided by taking proper care of my body now#I get where she's coming from but it's not easy but at least I'm motivated to try again now :)#selnia talks
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foldingfittedsheets · 7 months ago
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Before my beloved and I moved in together they were living with roommates in a place that didn't have a bathtub. Now, a reasonable person might conclude from this that baths would be out of the equation in a home with only one standing shower and no tub.
But these people weren't quitters. Naturopathic doctors and acupuncturists they were dedicated to treating their bodies well and one of the ways they liked to do that was hydrotherapy. Most people are familiar with this through things like polar bear plunges. You sit in a hot tub then jump in freezing water.
It's supposedly good for you and they were way into it. But again, no tub. They'd do hydro showers but it just wasn't the same. These people were not quitters, though. (One of them is the boob soap person, so it really isn't a surprise that she goes hard on everything). So they got what looked like two big metal old timey tubs but which were actually animal food troughs and set them up in the garage. They set up a water heater and god knows how they emptied the tub after, I think there was hoses involved? A pump maybe? I honestly can't remember. Anyway! Voila, hydrotherapy on demand.
I was not aware of this. So when I came over after a long day and my beloved said we should take a bath I was extremely puzzled. I only knew about the one shower. They showed me the garage tubs. I did want a bath and I wasn't really sure about the setup, but honestly I'll try anything once if only for the story, so I agreed.
Fun fact about me though. I haaaate being cold. I've been 0% body fat most of my life with skin barely keeping my bones enclosed. I'm always cold. My favorite activity at the time was sitting directly in front of space heaters. My shower temperatures turn me lobster red and make my beloved cringe. Willingly dunking myself into cold water is the antipathy of my entire deal.
On the night in question I happily submerged into the warm tank, pleasantly surprised by the big silly improvised tub. Which again was meant for livestock. My knees bumped companionably against my beloved as we soaked in the hot water. After a while they rose to go into the cold water. "You don't have to," they told me.
But I was haunted. I wouldn't be doing hydro if I just stayed in the warm tub. Maybe hydro was amazing. It has all these health benefits. I desperately didn't want to but I stood up with them. We were having this nice intimate evening in the garage, just us, I felt safe. I was gonna do it.
They stepped easily into the cold tub, dunking matter of factly into the frigid water. I went to step. I did. I really really tried. My foot went in and I started shrieking, my progress arrested by the total state of shock I entered when my warm toasty foot hit that smug arctic water tension. My beloved started laughing as my pitch ascended the deeper my foot went into the cold water.
I started loudly narrating my discomfort as my foot touched the bottom and I willed my other foot up to join it. "THIS IS VERY COLD," I yelled, "IT'S SO COLD I THINK I MIGHT DIE HOW ARE YOU JUST CASUALLY SITTING IN THIS FREEZING COLD WATER?! I'M DYING- I THINK I'M DYING! I'M DYING BUT WE'RE HERE, TOGETHER! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THESE EVEN THOUGH IT'S SO COLD ALL MY MOLECULES HAVE COMPRESSED INTO A SOLID STATE!"
I ended up with both feet planted in the cold tub, water up to my shins, bellowing and panting while my beloved laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. I hunkered over the cold water, squatting like a frozen gargoyle.
My beloved was trying to psyche me up while I willed my body to obey me. In a sudden jerky drop like a puppet whose strings have been cut I plummeted my body into the cold and let out a shriek that I’m sure could have shattered glass and then leapt up out of the water at a speed relative to a rocket achieving space flight. I didn’t like it.
When we got back inside my beloved's roommates were collapsed on the ground with tears in the their eyes from how hard they'd been laughing. They and probably every neighbor down the block had heard my pterodactyl screeching and narration because the garage was not remotely soundproof.
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cherrygirlfriend · 4 months ago
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in whose sheets
pairing: rafe cameron x exgf!reader
genre: smutsmutsmut, minors DNI!!! rafe is a munch (oral f receiving)
synopsis: you go see your ex-boyfriend after he calls you to come over
word count: 0.7k
a/n: a short little blurb inspired by bad idea, right? by olivia rodrigo because i relate to that song so fucking hard!
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✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩
He was so bad for you.
That was the reason you'd broken up in the first place. He was possessive, he had punched a hole into your wall more times than you could count, always making sure to pay to have it fixed, making sure to comfort you whenever you'd get scared by his temper; he'd never raise his hand at you, but everyone that knew you, knew that he was bad for you. It all ended at a party when some guy started hitting on you in front of Rafe and he lost it, the tall blonde beating the guy to a bloody pulp right in front of you, his knuckles bruised and bloodied. The next morning, you'd broken up with him.
So, when he called you two weeks after the breakup, you were expecting it to be nothing more than a random drunk call that had become a habit for him. And even though you had told all your friends that you wouldn't answer if he called, you found yourself in a quiet corner at the party you were in with your friends.
"Baby, please... need you to come over..." He was practically begging you.
"Rafe-"
"Don't 'Rafe' me, baby..." He said with a sigh, clearly drunk or high off his ass. "Need you to come over, come on..."
"I'm not coming over, Rafe."
"Please... can't even touch myself without picturing it was your hand... I need to taste you again, baby, you know no one can make you feel the way I do." You could hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side, and he let out a quiet groan. "No one can make you come the way I do..."
You felt a shiver run down your spine as your mind was filled with images of being in Rafe's bed, the blonde pleasing you until you were so overstimulated you were telling him it was too much, yet he wouldn't stop, wanting you to be nothing but a whimpering mess in his arms. You tried to steady your breathing, but you couldn't deny that the idea of him doing to you was making you wet.
"Rafe-"
"You know you want to."
And that's how you had ended up in your ex-boyfriend's bed, while your friends were blowing up your phone, asking you where you were, Rafe's head in between your legs, his strong arms wrapped around your thighs, keeping you still while your bad was arching off his bed in pleasure.
He was always so good at convincing you to do whatever he wanted.
You knew that it was a bad idea, that you shouldn't be here, but you really couldn't bring yourself to care, the way two of his fingers were pumping in and out of you while his lips were covered in your wetness, sucking your sensitive swollen clit into his mouth greedily, close to bringing you to your second orgasm, knowing that it wouldn't be your last.
"Fuck, Rafe..."
"You're mine." He said in a muffled voice before pulling away from you slightly, causing you to let out a small whine at the loss of his lips on your clit, meanwhile his long fingers continued their work on you, the blonde looking up at you, the desperation in your eyes only making him harder. "No matter what you do, you'll always be mine... No one is ever gonna be able to make you feel as good as I do."
"Rafe..."
"Say it. Tell me you're mine, and I'll continue."
"I'm yours..." You whined in a hoarse voice, so desperate to have his
His lips continued their previous ministrations, causing lewd moans to escape your lips as you looked down at him, your hands buried in his hair, pulling him closer and closer to your clit, the blonde picking up his pace, desperate to see you come for him.
And as you came undone on his tongue, arching into his mouth and letting out profanities and loud moans of his name, he slowed down his pace, letting you ride out your orgasm as he pulled his digits out of you, bringing them to his glistening lips and licking every drop of you, the sight more captivating than any painting that you'd ever seen.
"So, you ready for more?"
When he looked up at you with that familiar smirk, you knew that as soon as your friends found out whose bed you had spent the night in, they'd all be so disappointed in you, and you'd probably end up hating yourself as soon as you gpt home, but you simply couldn't bring yourself to care, nodding, silently to tell him to go on.
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thebibliosphere · 9 months ago
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Ma'am/Sir/Other
So much of your blog is "Yaya another thing in my body broke (kill me)"
I'm not judging at all, cause I'm also dealing with that somewhat but,
In the most polite manner possible;
How the fuck do you manage to function without killing everyone around you in a bodily pain induced rage.
Body hurts too much.
But in all seriousness, therapy and a whole lot of radical acceptance.
I don't approve or like what’s happening to me, but realistically, there is no way to avoid it, so I either have to accept it and make changes to my life or reject it and increase my suffering.
It might take me a while to process this change and there might be a few screaming breakdowns in the interim (”it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!”) but after a long time of doing this type of therapy, I’ve gotten good at holding my own hand and holding myself through the despair.
It’s a bit like being my own gentle parent. Like “hey bud, I know this sucks and you’re feeling a lot of big emotions right now. And I’m not asking you to stop feeling them, but I do need you to eat and drink before you get sick, okay? Okay, you’ve had some water, do you want to try for a shower? No? Okay, let’s go back to bed for a bit. We’ll try later... Cry it out if you need to. I’ve got you.”
Probably sounds bonkers to some people but it's the only reason I’m still alive.
My support network is wonderful and they do so much to keep me going, but it wasn't until I allowed myself to feel my emotions and self soothe through them that things got better.
I can’t change what has been done to me. I can’t change the dynamic nature of my disabilities or the fact that parts of my body will continue to break down. But I can accept myself and say, this is the way things are: react accordingly for our continued survival.
Radical acceptance isn’t about approval or giving up. It's a stress tolerance skill that lets you look at some of the worst parts of your life and go “fuck this sucks. Okay, how do I make this suck less?” and then following through on it.
It's a skill that takes a long time to build. But it's well worth investing in.
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ddejavvu · 3 months ago
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for a Tyler request what about him and reader getting into a really bad argument and storming off and when he cools down he can’t find her and is panicking
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Alive and Crazy - Tyler Owens x Reader
come participate in tyler owens night !
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Perhaps it was cruel of you to pick such a secluded hiding spot, but after all, isn't that what hiding's all about? Perhaps then the cruel part was hiding at all. But you can't shake Tyler's vicious words, "Y'know, if you don't stop trying to hold me back, maybe I should just cut myself loose."
All this over a tornado? His lifestyle is... intense. You are of the opinion that Tyler's hobby is ridiculously dangerous, and while you're slightly comforted by the safety precautions he takes (especially the drills that anchor his truck into the ground), you're less than impressed with the way he shows off and makes those precautions almost useless. Really, does he need to lean out of the window to see how long he can handle it? You'd only been trying to find some middle ground, but Tyler apparently seems to think you're trying to chain him up in the basement to prevent him from ever having any fun.
There's a secluded cabinet in the back of your laundry room that's perfect for hiding - just big enough to fit in and with an outlet for easy phone charging. You're just about to hit your two hour mark huddled in the cabinet when you hear thundering footsteps nearing your location.
"Baby? Hey, baby, y'gotta tell me where you are. Come on, baby, just wanna know you're safe. You in here?"
That's the last thing you hear before daylight spills into your dark cabinet, and your phone's screen becomes instantly duller in comparison. You glare up unimpressed at Tyler but his face crumples in relief so fast that you can barely hold the expression.
"Shit darlin'." He heaves a sigh, and any sympathy you'd felt for him instantly disappears when he has the gall to scold you next, "Do you know how damn long I've been looking for you?"
"Oh I'm sorry," You bite up at him, rage reigniting in your eyes, "Does my need for space inconvenience you?"
"No!" He nearly shrieks, but he reins himself in, "No, no, that's not- I shouldn't have said it like that. I was just worried."
"Well I'm not sure why," You turn back to your phone, but there's no concentration present as you mindlessly scroll, "I'd have expected you to be out enjoying your freedom seeing as you're cutting yourself loose."
"I'm not cutting myself loose." He vows, and it's soft instead of his typical drawl. He crouches, then makes the terrible, horrible decision to attempt to fit into the crawlspace with you.
"No- no, Tyler, you can't fit!" You squeal as he shoulders his way in, pressed flush to his body as he settles in a space half his size.
"It's fine." He grunts, but it's labored and very much not fine, "I just wanna be near you."
"I don't wanna be near you." You sneer, but you make no move to get up, "The whole reason I'm squeezed into this cabinet is because I was trying to hide from you."
"Did a damn good job, too." He admits, head slumped against the wall instead of your shoulder, "I was runnin' around for almost half an hour."
"Serves you right." You grumble, "Don't say mean shit if you want people to like you."
"I know." He reaches out and sets a hand on your knee, chaste and reassuring, "I'm sorry, darlin'. I just- lost control, or something. I don't know. I've been doin' this my whole life, and when you try to tell me how to do it, it makes me feel like you don't think I can handle it myself."
"Tyler, no one can. Some of the things that you're doing-" You stop yourself short, "I'm not saying you can't have fun. I'm not saying you can't chase- er, wrangle tornadoes. I'm just saying you don't have to keep trying to outdo yourself. There has to be a limit, otherwise you'll get killed."
He's silent after your speech, perhaps mulling it over, perhaps drafting his counterargument. In the end, he tips his head from the wall to your shoulder, and murmurs close to your ear.
"Yeah. You're right. I think... I think I just don't know when to stop sometimes."
"I agree with that," You try to keep too much accusation from seeping into your tone, "But that's why I said something. I don't want you to stop, I just don't want it to stop you."
"Yeah. Alright. I understand." And he sounds like he does. He laces his fingers with yours like he does, and he cranes his neck to peck his lips against your cheek like he does.
"You're not holding me back," He promises, "What I said earlier... that was dumb. This is a partnership, not some sort of prison sentence. I love you, darlin'."
"I love you too," You sigh, leaning sideways into his embrace, "You promise no more hanging out of windows?"
"I promise I won't anymore. Can't promise nothin' for Boone."
"Boone's crazy," You laugh, "You're all crazy. I just want you alive and crazy."
"Deal." Tyler grins, holding out a pinky and letting you lock it with yours, "Alive and crazy, darlin'."
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kozachenko · 4 months ago
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Finally decided to play around with my old lineless style again! Also figured out a way to draw Reimu that I actually really like!
Artist's Notes;
I've mentioned in a few earlier posts that I've been wanting to draw in my lineless style again for a while as a way to test what I've learnt from my previous style in regards to lighting. I did the face first and then for a while was thinking about doing a full body illustration of Reimu just to draw her outfit again. I'll talk about the face first since that's the first drawing I did in this batch.
For the longest time I really couldn't find a way to translate Reimu's face into my style. I was able to make her clothes work out well, just not really her face. I did like elements of how I drew her face a few other times, namely the tiny eyebrows and her pupils, but they didn't really feel like Reimu to me, or at least how I imagined her in my head. I then realized that it was less of a problem with the entire face and moreso the eyes, and it took me quite a bit of trial and error to make something that I was happy with. Also, as much as I thought the tiny eyebrows were cute, it didn't really make sense with her character. Like, from what I know about Japanese history, plucking your eyebrows was something that nobles (rich people) would do, and since Reimu is...neither of those things, I decided to just give her some thicker eyebrows instead (I will be saving the plucked eyebrows for another character though, so they will return). After I got to a face I was happy with, my next challenge was the hair. I did the front part first and liked that enough to continue, and then after more trial and error I realized that deep down I was a short-hair-Reimu-is-best-Reimu-truther this whole time because once I gave up on the long hair and gave her shorter hair something just clicked in my brain. And so, after drawing her outfit in again (this time without the yellow tie which is kinda sad but I'll find a way to incorperate it into future designs because it just was not making sense to me in context with the rest of the outfit) and finnicking around with the bow, I came to a version of Reimu's face that I actually liked. I thought that it made more sense for her character to have her cut it short, mainly because she's doing a bunch of Youkai extermination and she has to keep her hair out of her face somehow. I still wanted to make it kinda messy though, as Reimu is probably too lazy to clean it up herself. I think another reason I like it so much is because in Forbidden Scrollery, Moe Harukawa gave Reimu short hair and that really suited her, so I guess that was just a subconcious reason as to why I liked it so much. I also think that the shorter hair helps to separate her a lot from Marisa, as I think Marisa looks really good with longer hair. Speaking of, now I wanna do a drawing of her and Reimu together to really solidify how I draw them (unlike the previous version where it was just them standing). As much as I do like the face, I am concerned if she looks too much like how I drew Keiki now, but that might just be a product of the stylistic choices I made with her eyes and I might just be overthinking it. I am hyperaware of same face syndrome so that's probably the reason I'm so concerned about it lol.
Now for the fully body drawing. I was struggling to think of a good pose for her, so I just took a picture of myself and used that as a reference while still making slight adjustments for readability's sake. This is another case of, "I've looked at this too long and can spot every single issue with it" but this time I'm still happy with the final product mainly because this was a test drive for how I want to develop my lineless style in the future and for what it is I am more than pleased with the result. The main reason I deviated away from my lineless style was mainly because I was having a hard time with the lighting and making it interesting, and I am so glad that I've finally found a way to make it work! I'm especially happy with the clothes, as I think clothing folds are really fun to draw. I was somewhat inspired by the works of J.C. Lyendecker and the way he draws clothes, though admittedly it is not a one to one, since I mainly wanted to try implying the shading of the clothing folds with shapes (I do really want to do a study of his style one day as his art is incredible). So for the sleeves, I drew in a bunch of triangles where I wanted there to be a strong highlight, roughly coloured in the inside, and then blended them all so it looks like a more subtle. On both of these drawings, I also added in a noise filter to give it some texture (as that's what I used to often do with my drawings) and while I do like it, I might want to experiment with making it more subtle in the future, as it's pretty noticeable in both these drawings. Overall, I'm really happy with the lighting and colours of this drawing, and while I could nitpick several aspects of it (her hand holding the gohei looks too tense, I tried making her look like she was standing on the balls of her feet but the positioning of her Gohei's trail of papers ends up making it look weird, and I could've put more effort into the hair and bow and so many more things), this is more of a piece for me to experiment with my style again, and I'm excited for when I get a new idea for a piece, as I really wanna try some more stuff out with this style!
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mercy-burning · 2 months ago
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A Kindness You Can't Afford
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Summary: Something that started out as 'stress relief between co-workers' is now a little concerning to you, but for some reason you can't help but keep letting Spencer walk through your door... Rating: Mature (18+) Content: Strong language, unprotected sex, rough sex, fingering, blink-and-you'll-miss-it choking, squirting (As always, let me know if I missed anything!) Word Count: 2.7k
MASTERLIST
NOTE: @imagining-in-the-margins sent me lyrics to Hozier's It Will Come Back to entice me to write something for her monthly challenge (which is themed Friends With Benefits), and then this happened. You can thank her for this. And also Emily Henry, because I read Happy Place and Beach Read back to back recently, and DAMN IT if I wasn't itching to do some romance-writing of my own. Sure, this one is less romance and more porn without plot, but I digress. The inspiration is there and that's all that matters. Plus I've started working on something else that probably won't see the light of day for a long while, but it's nice to feel the motivation. I'm starting to feel like myself again :) I don't know how long this creative sparkling cloud of dust is going to last, but I'm grateful to be living in it, if at least for a little while. It feels good to be there again <3
Enjoy!!
*******
There's a small pit in your gut that only deepens when you hear a knock at the door. A chill permeates your nervous system and sends you off on shaky limbs until you reach it, and as your palm comes in contact with the cool metal of the doorknob, you're disappointed to discover that the contrast does nothing to comfort the hot and clammy skin. Unless the person behind the door turns out not to be who you think, you will not know that comfort.
You open the door anyway, already used to this feeling of unease. It's a feeling you've come to tolerate, and sometimes even crave in desperate moments. Tonight has not seen one of those moments, but you suppose that doesn't really matter because you've already agreed to his terms, and unless you call it off, you're stuck. You've seriously considered doing it a few times, but something deep inside tells you he might not like it very much, and you're unsure of how he'll react.
It isn't a risk you're willing to take.
And so, you meet Spencer Reid with a bright smile, pretending not to know why he could possibly be outside your door past 9pm. He looks a little sleep deprived, but it's nothing new. Your work is exhausting. It was a major deciding factor and is the driving force behind your agreement in the first place. A way to relieve stress. Somewhere along the way, it seemed to have turned into something darker, though in retrospect that darkness has always been there. You often think back to the first time you initiated intimacy— how excited you were that he seemed willing to take you up on the offer... How your head swam through glittering mist and your heart beat quickly at his words.
"God, Y/N, I need you to be sure... Because once we go there, once you let me in... Even after I leave, I'm always going to be there... You're going to feel me everywhere you go, and that's a promise..."
In the moment it even sounded romantic, and in some twisted way, it might still be. But you don't want to let your brain misconstrue this whole situation. You've promptly decided to take it for what it is and accept the fact that he has some deep desires he needs to expel, and you're just a convenient companion for the journey.
"Spencer, you're here late..."
He exhales through his nose. "No later than usual."
"Right... Come on in." You widen the door and confidently step aside like you wouldn't know any different.
Rather than let you close the door, he'd taken your words as an invitation to make himself at home, pushing it shut with his foot and jolting you forward with it, subsequently pulling you towards him. His hands are quick to guide your face to his own, and without a second more in passing, the night has officially begun.
Electricity is immediate, sizzling through your core at Spencer's drive. It's true that when you're alone, it's difficult not to overthink the situation and rope the emotional and logical side of it to the forefront of your mind. But being with him like this dissipates the thinking entirely. All you know is that it feels so good, and it's absolutely worth all the turmoil you put your brain through.
It's worth it when his tongue possesses your own and coaxes the most sinful, desperate noises from the depths of your chest, and when your delicate fingers find purchase in his hair. It's worth it when your back is up against the door with his knee wedged between your thighs. It's worth it when his hand glides down your jaw until each finger curls around your neck, not choking you but simply resting there like a necklace would. He squeezes gently for a second each time you twitch your hips, desperate to feel friction, and you whimper.
You've come to learn that the more noises you make, the more he rewards you with... well, more. So it doesn't take very long for him to decide that enough is enough, and he pulls away from you to turn you around. You brace your arms on the door and lean your head to the left so he can work.
Warm lips attach to your neck as nimble fingers snake around your front and dip below the band of your lounge shorts and underwear. Your insides hum to life, and your legs naturally spread apart a little further, making Spencer laugh against your skin. You half expect him to tease you, but the surprise leaves your body in the form of a rather whorish Oh! when he spreads you apart and glides his fingers through your warm cunt. He explores you thoroughly, circling and spreading and plunging his fingers inside you, until eventually he continues a slow and steady pace running up and down your clit. You can feel it in his breath, in the way it stutters over your neck— He's about to give you your first orgasm of the night. If his skilled hands wouldn't do it (which you know they will), his words definitely would.
"Mmmm, I love how warm you are, Y/N," he slurs into your neck. Then he lightly nips at your shoulder and quickens the pace and pressure on your clit. "And how fucking messy you get for me..."
You know what he wants, but even if you hadn't, it still would have happened. The first time he made you squirt, he'd been determined to do it again. And again. In every different way possible. Over the course of your stress-relief-escapades you've come to learn that this particular way (with his hand down your loose-fitting shorts) is his favorite. He never strives to do it anymore unless you're wearing a pair. Perhaps it's the sounds, or the feeling of your damp clothes and the desperate need to peel them away in favor of something more solid, but it's become your favorite way, too.
Your nails scratch at the door as you pant and sigh your way through an intense building orgasm, and Spencer leans forward with you, using his free hand to assist in holding you up as he furiously works at your clit with the other. His chin rests on your shoulder as he huffs out, "Go on, baby, let it out..."
He knows you're close, and those final encouraging words seem to snap the coil tightening inside you. Your thighs tense for just a second before you feel every wave of pleasure crashing into every limb. And then, you're able to relax and ride it out, letting him hold you up and pull the orgasm out of you like magic. It's wet, it's warm, and it's fucking sensational...
You can practically see the wild look in Spencer's eyes even if you couldn't actually see him at all. His presence is always, as promised, so inherently there, that even now it's a vivid image. His pupils are an empty abyss, and if you look too closely you're sure to fall in. Hell, you're not even positive that you haven't already fallen in, because the thought of calling it all off when it feels this good seems, simply put, wrong. Why would you ever want to deprive yourself of this feeling? His possessive, damn-near monstrous way of loving you as concerning as it is, had taken you to the highest places you'd ever known. Even if it isn't 'love' on paper, you certainly love it anyway. And he must love it, too, otherwise he wouldn't keep coming back.
He only comes back because you let him in in the first place, the rational part of your brain tries to reason, though it can't quite break through the fog of lust. At this point, it's so thick that you aren't sure it's ever going to clear.
Not that, right now, you'd mind...
Once your breathing slows and your legs gather the strength to pivot, Spencer removes his hand from your shorts and gently guides you to turn around. His lips are on yours immediately, and he's tugging at your shorts and underwear to pull them down. They drop to the ground and without a second to spare, he tugs you along through your living room and over to the couch. It's practically a straight shot to the bedroom from here, but apparently time is not a luxury he can afford this evening, because you barely have time to anticipate what his next move might be before he makes it.
Mouths still attached, the two of you nearly fall on the couch, and Spencer's weight covers you like a blanket. His hips pin yours down and his arms have taken to pinning your own above your head. He nips at your bottom lip and pulls away for a moment, but you chase him, trying to lean up and keep kissing him and whimpering when you can't.
A low laugh exhales from his chest. "And I thought I was the needy one in this relationship..."
He shifts then, getting up and kneeling between your bare legs to start undoing his pants. Meanwhile you lift your shirt over your head, grateful you'd already ditched the bra earlier in the afternoon. Less time to waste.
Seeing you completely bare from head to toe and ready for him seems to amplify that animalistic quality in Spencer that's so unlike the aura of the boy you met years and years ago. Whether he had that quality before he'd met you is unknown, but it's hard to imagine. You like to think that you and you alone have single-handedly created this primal sexual being simply by expressing interest in what youcould offer him amongst the joint understanding of the daily hardships that leech onto a BAU agent. Regardless of the truth, the sheer sense of power it fills you with... In every deep stroke of his cock, in every mark left behind, and in every praise sung, there is this irreplaceable strength that you cling to long after he's gone.
No hard truth would ever take that feeling away, and so you can't help the grin that manifests at his urgency. You can tell he wants nothing more than to sink into you immediately; he visibly struggles for a moment before opting to fully slide his pants and underwear off together until they're tossed over somewhere into the abyss. You half-expect him to whip his shirt off to join them, but instead he lunges forward and covers you again, muffling your whimpers with his mouth as one hand guides himself into your slick cunt.
You can feel the rumble in his chest the moment he's all the way in and you clench around him. He rests his forehead to yours and kisses you deeply before asking, "You ready for me, Y/N?"
The low echoing tone in his voice seems to answer in the momentary silence that follows.
You better be... 
It sends a chill down to the marrow of your bones.
You barely whisper out, "Yes," and before the last letter leaves your mouth, Spencer has pulled back and snapped his hips forward, starting a slow and brutal pace inside you. Your legs spread wide naturally, giving him all the room in the world to position himself to handle you however he wants. He opts for holding your breasts in his palms, holding himself steady and pinning you down firmly to the couch cushions.
It doesn't take long for your eyes to start their descent to the back of your head, until they flutter shut and you're seeing stars behind closed lids. His pace quickens, still hard and determined, and yet you know he has more in him. Part of you itches to whine and beg for him to go farther, to push him to his limits and make him fuck you until you're nearly unconscious and delirious. And truthfully, that's still a high possibility, but you also wouldn't mind staying like this forever.
Then, one of his hands shifts and glides up to your neck again. You open your eyes and find Spencer staring down at your body with hair falling down in front of his face and sweat forming on his brow. His mouth hangs open and then grins when he catches you staring, the sight making you sigh out and grip the bottom hem of his shirt with your fingers for any kind of stability.
You're teetering on the edge of another orgasm, and by the way his face is slightly scrunching you can tell that he's not far behind you.
Just the flash-forward thought of him filling you up sends a jolt through your body, and before you know it, your legs are tensing again, and you're yelling out his name in broken syllables as a flood of warmth spreads through your body. For a split second you wonder if you've both come undone at the same time, but this feeling is different and more intense. Familiar.
The sounds filling the room only confirms your conclusion, and then Spencer's words as he pauses and feels you twitching around him.
"Twice in one night, huh?"
You force yourself to look at him, to see the unhinged pride pooling in his eyes as you finish and wait for him to follow suit. It both empowers and frightens you at the same time, an odd combination of feelings that you're sure to have a crisis about in the morning. But for now, you can't help but lean back and watch the ceiling as Spencer grips your hips and starts fucking you relentlessly into the couch.
Finally, he pauses at the hilt inside you and holds himself there, stuttering out expletives and coming. He pulls back and then forwards a couple times, gently rocking himself through it, and then his grip on your body loosens and you're able to pull him down to you.
You wrap your legs around him to keep him still, unwilling to let go of this feeling quite yet. It's there— that strength that he gives you, whether he knows it's there or not.
And in about an hour after you wash up and go to bed, he will be gone, and that strength will slowly fizzle out overnight, and like clockwork, you'll long to feel it again some time after the concern runs its course— After you replay the night in your head, over and over, analyzing every look and every touch and every reaction. After you frighten yourself into believing that he must be in tune with some level of evil to use you for rough sex and then leave you alone during the day and act like it never happened, even though it's literally what you agreed to.
The back and forth will only make living harder, and so you'll push it all away and focus on work. Until Spencer eventually brushes your arm with the back of his hand as he passes you, or hands you a cup of coffee with a kind smile, and then you'll come right back to wondering how such a gentle soul could hold such intensity. It will unnerve you until you tell yourself that it's just the complexities of the human condition and that every soul contains multitudes. You see it every day. It's not uncommon. It's completely normal.
The thought will calm you enough to get you through the rest of the afternoon, and when you get home, you'll settle in for the night without a second thought. You'll make dinner, watch a show, read a book, endlessly scroll online, or talk to Penelope about whatever show she's watching... You'll keep yourself busy.
And then the sun will set. Your house will grow quiet. You'll start to feel it: the small pit in your gut that only deepens when you hear a knock at the door. You'll meet Spencer Reid with a bright smile, pretending not to know why he could possibly be outside your door past 9pm.
So, yes. For now, you will hold onto him a little longer and bask in the afterglow of this exercise in 'stress relief'. Because even if it doesn't mean anything greater, and whether there's even anything within Spencer's motivations to decode in the first place... This moment in time, each time, is the most relieved you ever feel.
Your fingers flex gently over his shoulders, and through the soft, even exhaling of his breath across your cheek, you know for certain he feels the same.
*******
PERMANENT TAGLIST (tags not working are struck out): 
@starrylang @xoxospencerreid @lovejules888 @awesomebooklover17 @yourmisosoup @gubswh0re @venomsvl @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @umbreonwolfy @hotchandspencearedilfs @spencerreidsmommy @abby2661 @youabitchhhh @reidsbabe @shemarmooresfedora @donald4spiderman @moonlight-2-6 @chaoticcatie @flipperpenguins @muffin-cup @centiaaa @foreveryoungxx3 @happymangospot @matthew-gray-gubler-lover
If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment and I’ll get on it right away!
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klausysworld · 10 months ago
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Hi could you write some angst about a deeply insecure reader who hates her appearance and is sort of friends with Elena and everyone(pushed to the side kind of relationship)but when klaus comes around it’s clear that she has a crush but believes he’s out of her league then klaus uses it to his advantage by showing an interest in her for information and helps her with her self worth.klaus then starts to develop feelings for her but then it’s revealed that he was just manipulating her and reader is devastated and utterly humiliated and it sets her back to how she was before him.(sorry if that was a really long explanation,you can decide the ending)thanks I love your writing btw
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Real
Growing up in Mystic Falls is a bizarre experience.
There were town events almost every month where you had to dress up and act better than everyone, parents basically had a competition over who had the prettiest daughters or the most handsome sons.
Not my parents.
They didn't think I was good enough to even pretend that I could compete. I was told my worth from a young age and became more aware of it with time. When your own parents don't think you're good enough it's sort of an eye-opener if you will.
It didn't help that everyone in this town seemed to be born into modelling.
Somehow I was lucky enough to wind up 'friends' with people like Elena, Caroline and Bonnie but I knew I didn't belong with them. Somehow they were gorgeous enough to get whatever they wanted.
Sometimes I wondered if everyone else at the age of 17 looked like them and I was behind or if somewhere, I was above average. I doubted it. A lot.
Occasionally I would look at a mirror and think that I wasn't even that bad to look at. There was nothing particularly ugly about me, there just wasn't anything special. I looked plain in a way, bland and forgettable.
I was very forgettable actually. My 'friends' made that abundantly clear throughout the years when they would go out without me or forget to ask if I also wanted something or liked something.
Somehow I was of no value to them. Perhaps I was simply there to amplify their beauty. Like a DUFF. I was definitely the DUFF.
Damon actually told me that I was once, after Tyler had made the joke and Damon asked what it meant. Even though I already knew it to be true, to be told it was much worse.
You could sort of tell everyone else was thinking it, especially when I was stood beside Caroline.
Stefan was the only one who was nice but I wasn't sure if it was out of pity or just because that was who he was. Then again, I'd rather just not know.
So I tried my best to keep in the background, avoid attention and stay out the way.
Even with all the vampire and werewolf drama that took course, I kept myself quiet and to the side. Strangely it was Katherine who was kind to me, whether she had an ulterior motif I'm not so sure anymore but she never hurt me in the time she was there. Neither did Elijah when he came to town, he was polite to everyone but it was obvious that my presence was irrelevant to him.
And then of course, Klaus arrived.
I didn't officially meet him until the senior prank night, he sort of just threw to the side and told me to keep my mouth closed and not to bother running because he'd just kill me. Part of me thought about running anyway so he would just end it but I didn't.
Klaus dragged me by my wrist into his car, told me to keep quiet while he drove Elena to the hospital. For whatever reason he brought me along and left me in the car as he went to drain her of blood for his hybrids. I did as told: sat silently and waited.
He came back out and spoke to Damon for a moment, I saw them glance over in my direction only for Damon to laugh and smirk. I sighed to myself and got out the car. It was clear that Klaus thought I could be a good pawn but was surly mistaken and Damon told him to do whatever he wanted to me. In response I walked home, neither noticed so it was fine.
A week or so later he came back, crashed homecoming or something? I dunno, I wasn't there but I was told about it the next day via a stroppy Caroline.
It was that same day that he came and sat beside me at the grill. I ignored him for the most part, confused by his attempt at what I could only guess was flirting? I wasn't really sure. I think he could tell.
"Not easily impressed are you love?" he questioned as he leant forward, uncomfortably close. I sort of just looked at him, still unsure to what he wanted. A smirk pulled at the end of his lips and his hand lifted, his fingers wrapping around a piece of my hair making frown and pull away abruptly. Without hesitation I stood up and spun on my heel, going to leave. His laugh followed me and a hand grabbed my waits, it was stange.
"Calm down love, It's not like I was going to rip it out, I just wondered what it felt like" he chuckled, pulling my back flush against his front making me tense and squirm.
"It feels like hair" I stated simply "Now get off" I grunted, shoving my elbow into his side to make him let go. I kept walking, keeping my eyes on the ground.
The next time I saw him he apologised for the previous encounter which again, i didn't understand but there was no point in questioning and arguing so I just accepted it and tried to leave but he asked if I'd stay for one drink, he asked so nicely and he smiled. I was stupid enough to think it was genuine and accepted.
Looking back it was pretty obvious that this was a game for him or a trap, whatever you want to label it but in the moment I ignored what was right in my face. Deep down I knew it was all a joke of sorts really.
But no boy, let alone a man had shown me this sort of attention and the soft fluttering it made me feel had me staying for far too long. I listened to his little stories and asked a range of questions as the drinks kept coming. He asked a couple about me but i gave relatively vague answers. There wasn't much I had to give him on me, I wasn't up for a pity party about friends and I didn't really fancy talking about my shitty parents either. I think Klaus picked up on the fact that I didn't really want to talk about me and eventually gave up with it.
It was late when I realised I needed to get home and he offered to take me which I admit made me wary. I didn't want him to kidnap me and think I'd be any good as leverage again, though I guess Damon made that pretty clear already. I decided to just walk home which he eventually accepted and got into his car.
Walking by myself probably wasn't my best option after drinking so much in one go but I made it home with minimal stumbling. My mother shook her head when she saw me and asked what was wrong with me. When she realised I had been drinking her mind jumped to two very different conclusions. The first being that I was being a slut which was ironic as in the past she'd made it clear that no guy would want to sleep with me, and the second being that I had taken pills to kill myself.
Listening to her drastic thinking made me wonder what kind of pills she was on but I didn't question it and waited for my father to come and take her to bed, telling her to just ignore me. Then I proceeded to make my way to the bathroom, getting changed and washing my face before going to my bed.
My phone dinged making me sigh, thinking it was Elena asking me to help her with something dumb and life threatening however much to my surprise it was Klaus. A smile involuntarily spread across my face and we messaged back and forth before he told me to rest.
The following few days he would just check in. Not too much but he also made it clear that he hadn't forgotten me which was all I had ever truly wanted from someone. To be acknowledged at the very least.
Of course I didn't tell the others that he had been talking to me, besides they didn't ask so I didn't see why I should. I guess I just wanted something for myself.
I wasn't completely stupid. I always had the feeling that he was using me, especially towards the start...but he was just so wonderful with his words and his ways.
When he began to make and buy sweet gifts and claim they were tokens of his affection, I couldn't help the blush on my face. When he would find a way to have his skin against mine, or how he would pick up my hand and gently tug my along. Somehow we always seemed to end up somewhere for food, and he would always refuse to let me pay.
Something about him was so enticing, addictive if you will.
He began to make me feel a certain way. He made me warm and happy. His touch was so soft, it made me feel like I was buzzing. i was stupid for thinking he could feel the same way about me.
I had been so scared to admit my feelings.
He had assured me that he would never push me to.
He told me that he liked me, that he didn't want me to be frightened of him or nervous around him. "Not unless it's the sort of nervous that puts butterflies in your stomach sweetheart" he had teased and my cheeks had glowed red.
Over the space of months his presence never lessoned. He always made time to see me, and speak with me. I found myself longing for his voice, his touch.
On days where he was too busy at home, he would urge me to come over. I would spend as long as I possibly could with him, a few times I even stayed over but he had slept on top of the duvet so that I would feel comfortable.
This had gone on for a small while until he actually said the words 'I love you'.
Perhaps I was just so happy to actually hear those words. Maybe I believed them to be true, real. Or I just saw what I wanted to see, heard what I wanted to hear and ignored the rest.
The time I gave myself to him used to make my smile and blush. Now it just makes me feel dirty, humiliated and embarrassed.
Knowing that he could and has had his hands all over my body, his lips and eyes. In the moment I felt like a goddess, probably because that’s what he told me I was. The memory of him inside me haunts me. I had thought it to be such a beautiful experience, romantic and personal.
I wish I could say that I had slept with him only once but as the months went by we would share intimacy often.
I had even told him that I loved him, so many times and I meant it for all of them.
So you should understand why it was so hard to accidentally hear him tell his sister that he had been compelling me for any information on the others.
It had felt as though my heart had stopped when the words hit my ears and tears already made my eyes burn. I heard a weak laugh and turned my head to see Damon, strung up by chains whilst bleeding all over, looking straight back at me.
“Y/n…” I heard Klaus’s voice, his tone one of panic or maybe it was just surprise. He probably didn’t want me to know of his routine. Damon only rolled his eyes and gave me look,
“You didn’t…think it was real, right?” He coughed, a cruel smile on his face.
His words just made me quieter. They made me think. Why did I think it was real?
My eyes slowly lifted to meet Klaus’s. I could see and feel Rebekah looking at me, everyone was silent. Even Damon shut up for a second. I think maybe he was expecting me to say something but I didn’t really have anything to tell him.
As awful as it all made me feel, and even with the amount of emotions swallowing me, I felt more disappointed in myself than I did him.
My right hand went to my left arm, pinching my skin through my jumper in some sort of hope that I’d wake up from some stupid nightmare but it didn’t work.
The first tear fell from my eye and I sniffed to keep the other ones from coming.
Klaus just looked at me, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, I didn’t want to know either. I could just guess anyway.
So without a word I just turned around and left, walking quickly back out the door before breaking into a sprint in the direction of my house. I could feel the mascara running down my face, ruining the foundation I had only recently started wearing, for Klaus’s benefit.
My hands wiped at the tears as I pushed my from door shut behind me and went upstairs, blocking out the annoyed voices of my parents and locking myself in my room.
It was only once I was in the shower that I was flooded with memories. That I remembered all the things I had done with him. By the time I stepped out of the bathroom my skin was scrubbed raw in an attempt to wash his touch away. Even the slightest touch made me feel as though my body was burning, stinging with pain but I would have rather felt that every day than have to realise Klaus had been using me for over a year now.
I was curled in my bed, hidden under the blankets and surrounded by the dark as I let every comment not matter how small or petty play back through my mind.
I wasn’t even sure who to be upset with. I chose myself.
Klaus must’ve known I was an easy target. Desperate. I wonder how much he’s had me tell him. To be fair I knew more than you’d expect about what was going on. I had gotten good at observing and overhearing so I still knew what was going on, even when spending so much time with Klaus himself.
I also wondered what else he had compelled me to do. I hoped he wouldn’t do anything other than ask questions but I couldn’t help that fear creep inside me. It made me sick to my stomach, and then I wondered if he would just wait to compel me again so that I could continue to be his information feeder.
The idea made my fingers dig into my arm, bruising the skin purple but I wouldn’t stop. I only did so that I could go get some vervain that I kept downstairs in one of the cupboards at the back. I was reaching for the little glass bottle when I heard a door close. I spun around quickly to see Klaus in the doorway of my kitchen. My hand clutched onto the vervain tightly and I noticed his eyes glance at it briefly. His hands went up as if to show no harm but there was no way I would believe that meant a thing.
“Sweetheart- listen to me..” he began and I let out a breathless laugh
“Get out” I whispered making him sigh and frown as though he had the audacity to be upset or annoyed.
“Y/n..”
“No Klaus. I’m fucking serious, get out.” I told him, my eyes watering again. I let out an involuntary whimper when he stepped forward making him stop and stand still.
“I never meant for you to know that” he whispered and I frowned, swiping a tear away.
“Sorry I ruined your plan” I mumble, exhausted.
“No- no I didn’t mean it like that- I meant that-“
“Klaus it’s fine” I murmur, avoiding his eye, “It’s fine, I get it. You needed to know what was happening, you got to be two steps ahead. I’d appreciate if you just found someone else now please”
I could feel his stare on me, it make my skin itch and I just needed him to go. I could feel my hand getting clammy as I held onto the bottle.
“I haven’t compelled you in such a long time” he muttered, as though maybe that made it better. “I used to, but I truly have fallen for you Y/n. I love-“
“Please get out” I cut him off, my spare hand resting on my forehead to cover my eyes.
“I love you”
“No you don’t” I cry, “you wouldn’t do this to someone you love. I know you don’t love me. You never have and you never could. You’re just pretending again so I’ll let you control me, I don’t like it” I whimper, tears streaming again. I could hear him getting closer but I was already against the counter and I couldn’t out run him. There was no point in trying.
“Sweetheart, I’ll never use you again-“ he tried to argue but I couldn’t listen to it.
“I really, really need you to leave. Please Klaus just get out, I can’t stand you” I tell him honestly and for a second as I look up at him, he looks almost sad but I have to assume it’s still apart of his act.
“You- you’re not going to do anything…anything harmful are you? To yourself, I mean.” He asked and I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. I should never have told him that I’d had those thoughts or feelings once. I shouldn’t have ever said a word to him.
“No…now go away” I whisper, my hands trembling as I stared at the ground, listening to his footsteps eventually get further away.
I knew there was no way I could sleep, he was probably still outside my house. Waiting.
I wasn’t sure what he was waiting for but I could him there.
I had no idea what I was going to do.
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mewguca · 4 months ago
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Shame
this is a rather personal piece; it's primarily based on my own struggles
It probably could've been executed better (like having more of the interaction she's agonizing over), but I really wanted to focus on that visceral reaction of shame, guilt, and self-criticism
here's a long ramble I wrote while starting this ...
I realize, perhaps much of the reason certain depictions of moon trigger me so much is due to my own overwhelming shame and guilt. It's a defense mechanism crafted because I yet lack the strength to accept myself. I suppose that's why characters like Five Pebbles are so appealing to me — he is someone I've given the room to express his faults, his flaws, his hatred, his despair, his pain, and all his imperfections... For him to be mean or angry is natural and expected, so it's not as scary to express my negative feelings with him as the instrument. He's not a "good person", after all, so it's fine if he is "bad." His standards aren't as high.
Conversely, because I idealize LTTM so much and connect her to myself, I deny her the same things I deny myself. I do it without even thinking, really...
I've often thought, "but this sort of emotion doesn't really suit her... isn't this sort of projection too self-indulgent? If I made this, it'd be too obvious that my own emotions are bleeding through onto the canvas..."
So, I wonder if she's experienced that same sort of emotional repression. It'd be cathartic, in an unfortunate way. To see someone else struggle to grapple with such things, because they want to be pure and virtuous and not upset others...
It's harder when you spend so much time shaping that perfect, faultless, virtuous sort of image, especially when you do it reflexively. Unconsciously. You're making the pressure for yourself worse, but you can't stop... I'm actually not a very friendly person. I'm actually quite afraid and irritable, and I push people away when they get too close. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want anyone to hate me... I don't want to cause suffering or strife. Sometimes, I wish I could just be a completely passive observer.
But I suppose I'm a human being instead, so I have to accept that. Thanks for reading, I guess. I'm not really looking for emotional support here... I just want to be understood.
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heavysighing-dreamyeyes · 3 months ago
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Suuuuuup, I've been binging on your writing lately and I completely adore it (sometimes I go back through my likes to re read some of your stuff 💖💖)
So I'm dropping a scenario here.
Reader and Jason Todd have been roommates for quite some time (which means this would be a mutual pinning scenario), sometimes reader patches Jason up and orders some takeout for him. Until one night, Jason was too beaten up after a patrol so reader treated his bruises and scratches before helping him ease his back on his bed while reader sat down beside him. Jason begins with his dose of "you shouldn't be doing this" "I'm not a kid" "I can perfectly hand myself" then Jason starts questioning reader why they care so much about him and worry about him.
Until they reach the point where:
Jason: A prick like me? Yeah, sure.
Reader: Even pricks like you need someone who looks after them.
Jason: Careful, I might start thinking you like me or something if you keep saying things like that.
Reader: Maybe I do like you.
Honest Words
Haha, nonnie, do you even need me? You've got a great fic right there. I feel like I never actually write them getting together, so let me try something. ~ 600 words
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'Maybe I do like you. Maybe I do like you.' The words play on loop in Jason's head as he stares at them. The silence goes on for too long and he forces himself to choke out a laugh, "You're joking. Not much to like here."
You tilt your head thoughtfully and hum, curious as you finish cleaning up his wounds, "I dunno, Jason, I see plenty to like."
"Like what?" He asks before he can stop himself. He winces a little, less from the stinging of his wounds and more at how interested he sounds in knowing what exactly you like about him.
"Lots of things," You muse, sitting back on the bed, "I like your eyes."
"My eyes?" He prompts, leaning towards you.
You nod, "They're pretty, and clear. Like you want to be seen. I like that you always let me touch your hair," You reach and brush his hair back to prove your point.
He smiles a little, "I don't think that's any reason to, you know," Jason trails off.
"I like that you're good. Even when you think you're not. You try. You try so hard even when the whole world seems like it's against you. You keep trying. You keep helping people."
His breath hitches at the raw honesty in your voice, the determination and truth in your eyes, "You're– you've never been against me."
You nod, and your gaze leaves him as you start to clean up the gauze and bandages from his bed, "and I won't be. Unless you do something crazy."
He laughs, it almost scares him, how easily you've read him. That you made him laugh even when his throat threatens to tighten and his mind threatens to spiral, "Crazier than what I've already done?"
You nod and grin at him, and it sets his world right, "Crazier than that, much crazier, actually."
He grins right back at you, "I'll keep that in mind for the next time I break the law."
You laugh with him and pat his knee, "Get some rest, Jason. You look like you've been through it tonight."
"I thought you liked how I looked?" He drawls, unable to keep from teasing.
"I do," you say happily, voice fond with affection he's not completely sure how to react to. You stand up, "Now, heal up, ok?"
"Wait," he stops you, grabbing your wrist. He doesn't have a plan, doesn't quite know what he's doing, but he wants you to stay.
"Yeah?" You ask, raising an eyebrow.
He sucks in a breath and guides you closer, slotting your body between his thighs. He looks up at you, the person who's become irreplaceable in his life. He carefully sets his palms over your hips.
"Jason," You breathe out, "You don't owe me anything."
"I know," he says, voice soft but firm, "I want this."
You cup his face with both hands, thumbs tracing his cheek bones as you study his eyes, picking apart the truth of his words, "Would you want me to kiss you?"
Jason leans into your touch and nods, he's not sure what this means for the future, for either of you, but you're being honest. You like him. And he likes you.
His heart is in his throat when you lean down to kiss him.
His eyes slid shut as you press your lips to his. He tilts his head up. It's sweet, loving, it's so completely you, and he gets lost in the feeling, chasing your mouth when you pull away.
"Okay?" You ask softly.
"Yeah," he breathes out, "more than okay."
You smile at him and trace the line of his jaw, "Good, now heal up, Jason."
He smiles back at you, voice light and teasing, "What? Don't wanna kiss me again?"
He smiles even wider when you tell him, on the way out his bedroom door, you can do all that and more once he's better.
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marvel-ouss · 4 months ago
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You're Not Sorry
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Dad!Charles Leclerc x Mom!Reader
pov: Charles goes to support his cousin in Naples and sees someone he hasn't seen in a long time along with a younger version of himself.
warning: miscommunication, pregnancy, the italics are Charles pov, some swear words, mentions of cheating, mentions of eating
type: angst with happy ending
note: this picture did something to me, I swear I saw Charles talking to his younger self! I almost cried...
It's Jules' 6th birthday today and I promised him that we'd go to the Karting race that is gonna happen in the Naples circuit.
We arrived around 11am so he could greet everyone.
"Hello birthday boy, how are you doing?" Martin asked Jules, he was the first person I met when I first came to Naples. When Martin noticed I was pregnant and I told him it was a boy he said that the first thing he'd do when the child was big enough was take him karting on the circuit he worked. 5 years later Martin kept his promise and now Jules karts regularly.
"I'm good, uncle Matt. I'm really exited to watch the race." Jules said jumping from excitement.
"One day we'll take you to a f1 race, now go join your friends, I need to talk with your mommy" Jules gets out happy with the silent promise. "Have you seen him?"
"Good morning to you too Martin, I'm great and you?"
"Sorry, I'm good. Now answer me" I could tell he was nervous I just didn't know the reason.
"Seen who? Martin are you sure you are okay?"
"Charles." I haven't heard that name in so long. "Giuseppe told us earlier that a f1 drivers was gonna be here I didn't really care but then I remembered Jules so I asked if anyone knew who it was and they told me we had a section booked for the Leclerc family"
"So you are telling me that you were told Charles was gonna be here and told my child to go outside where he his most likely to be seen?" I asked already leaving the stall we were at.
Arriving outside I couldn't find Jules. Martin and I looked at each other and we started looking for Jules.
"Jules where are you?" I screamed hoping for him to hear me “Jules!” I kept screaming, I was scared, what if someone took him? Jules’ the only thing I have left.
"That's her, that's my mommy!" I hear Jules' voice and see him along with the only person I hopped not to see today.
I was in Naples to support my cousin during the karting Championship. When I arrived I greeted as many people as I could and took as much pictures and gave as many autographs as possible. I was walking around when I saw a little boy that reminded me of myself during my early karting days. I looked around to see if there was any adult, maybe a mother or a father, looking for the child, but didn’t see any.
“Hello young man, what are you doing here alone?” I ask the little boy. As I approached I could tell he was crying.
“Can you help me find my mother? I don’t want to be alone forever. My mum can’t be alone, she’ll miss me.” He said with a broken voice.
“Of course, come on let’s look around to see if we can find her. My name is Charles, do you want to tell me your name?” I held his hand and walked around.
“My name is Jules Leclerc but my mommy calls me gioia mia” I couldn’t say a word. Leclerc? How is it possible? A Leclerc that we don’t know about? Maybe it’s just a coincidence, there must be other Leclerc’s out there.
“Jules, where are you? Jules!” I heard a woman’s voice screaming, we went in the direction of the voice.
A woman came into view, I knew her from somewhere. When she turned around I could tell it was y/n. We started dating 8 years ago. But eventually broke up 3 years after. I had just started my F1 career and I'll admit that I started ignoring her and focusing more in my future. So I wasn't surprised when one day I woke up and she wasn't there.
I tried contacting her but it was already too late, I had fucked it up really bad.
“That’s her, that’s my mommy!” Jules said letting go of my hand and running in her direction.
I saw Jules running in my direction and opened my arms. “Gioia mia, don’t ever do that to mommy again, I thought I lost you forever baby”
“I’m sorry mommy, I was with the older boys but they had to go, I looked for you in the stall but you weren’t there anymore.”
“I’m so sorry baby, I was already looking for you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay mommy. Look I made a new friend. His name is Charles.” Jules turned do Charles who was a bit far from us “And Charles, meet my mommy.”
I couldn’t face Charles. I knew we had to talk but I wasn’t ready for it all. At this point Jules must have introduced himself and I know my child well enough so I bet he said his name was Jules Leclerc, he’s always super proud to say his first and last name. I think Jules is too young to connect the dots, he knows my last name is not Leclerc.
I remember the fist time we watched f1 together he noticed and told me that there was Ferrari driver had the same last name as him. Little does he know.
He probably didn’t realise that he was in the presence of THE Charles Leclerc who also happened to be his father.
“Hi Charles, thanks for helping him find me.” A said dryly without making eye contact.
“Hello y/n, haven’t seen you in a long time. How have you been?” Really? How have I been? He's joking right? First ignores my existence, now is talking to me like nothing has ever happened?
“I’m going. How is f1 being to you?” No, you don't care y/n! What are you doing?
Charles widened his eyes. “It’s going, Ferrari’s not at it’s best but we’ll get there”
“Mommy? He’s Charles Leclerc?” Jules asked confused.
“Yes gioia mia, he’s the f1 driver you talked about the other day”
“Cha, we share the same last name!” He said very enthusiastic.
“Oui mon petit, it seems so” I lift my head to look at Charles but he’s already looking me dead in the soul. I’m fucked.
“Let’s go Jules, let’s look for your uncle Martin he’s very worried as well. Say bye to Charles.”
“Bye Cha.” Jules goes in his direction to give him a hug. Charles gets down so he can hug Jules properly and whispers something in his ear.
“Goodbye Charles.” I say already turning around.
“At least this time she said a proper goodbye." Hypocrite! I can't believe my ears, that bastard... Never mind y/n, he's not worth a scene in front of Jules.
-
The day went by really fast and I didn’t see any of the Leclerc’s throughout the day. Jules had a lot of fun and really enjoyed the day with the other boys. Some of them even took him for a lap around the circuit.
It was 7:30pm when we decided it was time to go.
“Mom do you think I’ll meet other f1 drivers when we go watch one of the races?”
“I don’t know baby, probably. I know some of them, if we find them I’ll introduce them to you, deal?”
“Deal” he said closing the subject and starting to ramble about his day.
I was putting Jules in his car chair when I heard someone calling my name do I closed the door and turned around.
“Y/n, I was looking for you.” Charles was in front of me breathless so I assume he ran on his way here. “We need to talk. I didn’t wanna do it earlier because Jules was there and I didn’t wanna make a scene. But you can’t deny that he’s my child, he looks just like me.” He said all in one breath.
“I won’t deny it, I knew it when I left. Well, that was one of the reasons I left. I wasn't gonna bring I child into your life for you to ignore the both of us, so I figured that leaving was more fitting.” Charles started laughing.
“ Are you kidding me y/n? I would have died for the two of you if you had tol-“ “Really Charles? Are you kidding me? You treated me like shit the last months we were together! You wouldn't even acknowledge my existence!
“Y/n, you could have told me, we would find a way! Instead you left me in the middle of the night!”
“Don't say you were alone when you had another girl!” “I had what? Well that’s news! I didn’t know that.” Charles interrupted me shocked.
“You weren’t?” “No I wasn’t!”
“Charles you were never home, I didn’t know were you were, I needed you when I discovered!”
“I was focused in my job! I didn't even had time for you how was I supposed to be with another woman?”
“You put your job in front of everything else. I waited for you every single night! The night I discovered I was pregnant I had everything planned to tell you, but when you arrived home you just brushed me off! I needed you for fuck sake” I started crying and he hugged me.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby" He kept repeating those words like a mantra.
I heard the car door and soon after felt Jules’ arms wrapped around my leg. “Mommy are you okay?”
“Yes baby, everything’s alright. Sorry for keeping you waiting.” I held Jules and put him back in the car and turned to Charles. “Give me your phone please” he said, so I gave him my phone. He dialed his current phone number and gave me back my phone. “Send me a massage se we can talk better and figure things out okay?”
“Yeah, ciao Cha.” I said going to the drivers seat and making my way home.
-
I put Jules to bed then headed to the kitchen to get my phone and called Charles.
“Hello?” I said when noticed he had answered the phone.
“Y/n? Are you okay?" No, I'm not. For 5 years I thought he stopped caring because he was with someone else. At this point I have no idea what's worse. being cheated on or being left behind because of work
“Hi Cha. I don’t know. At the moment I have a lot on my mind and I don’t know how to process everything.” I said still a little overwhelmed.
“How's Jules?”
“Just put him to bed, he was worried, he never saw me crying.”
“I wanted him to meet my family. You should be there too, my mom and brothers miss you.”
“How? I left you and they miss me?” I said on the verge of tears.
“They know it was my fault. I said you left because I got too occupied with work to pay attention to you and you were done with it. My mom almost killed me that day.”
“Poor Pascale you always gave them the worse time.” Now I was crying.
“I've said it a hundred times and I'll say one thousand more times, I'm so sorry mon amour. I didn't know how to deal with everythin. I'm so so sorry”
“Do you think Pascale still likes me?”
“Of course she does she never stopped loving you, but she likes you ever more now that you gave her her so desired first grandchild” The line went silent after what he said. He accepted Jules so easily. "Why Jules? And why did you keep the Leclerc?"
"His name is Jules Pierre Hervé Leclerc. I gave him the names of important people to you. I didn't know if you were gonna meet him someday so I wanted do keep a part of you in him. It was a shock when I figured out but it was a result of our love. You are the love of my life. Even after all this years I still feel that love for you. I couldn't think of another name that would suit him as good as that one."
After that Charles hung up the phone. I knew he had a lot on his mind so I didn't insist on calling him. We both fucked up in this situation, I shouldn't have left, and he should have known that his profissional self stays in the headquarter.
When he's ready to talk he'll call me. The next morning I woke up and made breakfast for me and Jules. I was on my way to wake up Jules when my phone started ringing.
"Hello?"
"Y/n, what's your address?"
"Hi Charles, good morning for you too" what's with the going straight to the point and not even asking how the person's doing? First Martin, now Charles, who's next? Jules?
"Sorry, got too exited. I bought gifts for Jules. Where can I meet you?"
"You can come to my house I'll send you the address. Did you have breakfast?"
"No, not yet"
"Good you'll have it with us and we'll tell Jules" I said hanging up the phone and continuing with Jules' routine.
-
A few minutes later Charles was knocking on my door. Jules was in the living room playing with his toy cars.
"Good morning mon amour." Charles said kissing my cheek and giving me a hug.
"Good morning Cha, you can come in" I said giving him space to come inside.
"Bonjour mon petit. What're you doing?" Charles asked Jules while sitting on the couch.
"Chaaa" Jules screamed getting up and hugging Charles.
"I'm gonna set the table. I'll call you when everything's ready" I said going to the kitchen.
They stayed in the living room until I called for the two of them.
We starting eating our breakfast.
"Jules we have something to tell you." I said when I finished my breakfast
Jules moved all his attention to me.
"You know, when I was younger I met your dad. And I think it's time for you to meet him as well."
Jules look at me and Charles, back and forth.
"Mommy, is Cha my dad? Is that what you were trying to tell me?" Jules said with his eyebrows frowned, due do confusion.
Me and Charles stayed silent for a little bit and I just nodded for Jules to know that was exactly what I was trying to tell him. Both of us fearing his reaction. We where still in silence when Jules got up from his chair and made is way towards Charles.
"I forgive you for not being here. I love you daddy. Now we can be a family." He said hugging Charles.
Jules was such an intelligent child. I didn't want to tell him the whole thing so we just said that Cha was busy but what mattered was his presence now.
We started doing, as Jules called them, "Fam Time" once a week. Charles would sleep the night to spend more time with Jules, we would go to races. Jules met all the drivers as he wished. We were happy once again.
-
I'M BACK GUYS! Probably not for long hihi
I hope you like this new story. Feedback is always welcome.
xx
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shotmrmiller · 11 months ago
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Tormented by a Ghost
Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader
TW: small mention of smut and simon being kinda mean
TY TO MY BETA FOR MAKING THIS 10X BETTER @c-h-a-r-n-i-k
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Tired of living with your family, you decide to move out. There's just one problem— Rent is too costly to afford on your own. You complain about it to your friend, and they tell you that they know someone who's also looking for a roommate and preferably another female. Fantastic!
Your friend gives you her number and ya'll are moving in together by the end of the month. It was great. No nagging parents, no micromanagement, nothing. You loved it. Until your roommate brings her man over. And he's a fucking bully.
--
You're crawling home from a hard day at work, and you want nothing more than some wine on a quiet night. Unlocking the door, you step into the flat. The lights aren't turned on so you assume your roommate isn't home.
Dumping your bag in your room, you make a beeline towards the kitchen. As you're bent over in the fridge, your roommate's door opens.
"Hey,” you call out, "I'm pourin' myself a glass of wine if you're interested!"
Then an assertive, baritone voice speaks from behind you.
"You must be the roommate."
You give an ear-piercing scream as you jump, whipping around to face him with a hand over your racing heart.
"Fuckin' hell! No, it's okay, I don't need my hearin' er nothin'." he scolds.
"What the fuck! I almost flat-lined with my head in the fridge because of you!"
Then you get a good look at him. This monster of a man is a minimum 6'3, with a black balaclava covering his face, a black long-sleeve shirt, and grey sweats. You tried real hard to not ogle the tattoo that stains his exposed left arm. And the grey sweats, we all know why. Cursed be your fetish for thick forearms and big hands.
He leans his head back, looking down his nose at you.
"I think it'd be an improvement," he says, "You face down, I mean," and your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline as he chuckles.
You don't know who he thinks he is, talking to you—a complete stranger— like that but you aren't about to take his shit.
You sneer. "Fuck you. Yeah, I bet that's the view you get the most. Women willingly turn away to not get a look at your mug. Did my roommate ask you to put that mask on so she could face you during sex?"
He steps forward, his height allowing him to tower over you, and growls out, "You callin' me ugly?"
Smirking, you roll your eyes. Of course.
"I don't see any other reason for you to hide your face. Not that it matters to me— I'm not the one that has to tolerate it."
His eyes squint at you as he retorts, "I'm quite the opposite."
Opening your mouth, you're about to tell him that he can say whatever helps him sleep at night when your roommate calls out to the big brute in front of you.
"Ghost? What's taking so long?" she asks.
You tried and failed miserably to hide your mocking giggle at hearing his name, and he leers at you in response. "Go on, Ghost. You're being called back into the realm of the dead."
As he steps away, he says with contempt, "Dumb little bird doesn't know what she's talking about," before walking over to your roommate, looping his arm around her shoulders and going into her room.
He probably doesn't even know your name and he laid into you like he's hated you his whole life. After pouring yourself a glass of wine, you shake your head and walk towards your bedroom. Freak.
--
One day, after having your friend with benefits over in the morning for some nice stress relief, you walk him out. And fucking Ghost is sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. You quickly shuffle your friend out the door, face glowing with embarrassment.
Why was he here? Jesus Christ, now he's going to watch you do the walk of shame around the flat. Hopefully, he won't say anything. As you walk away from the door to the kitchen to get a bottle of water, Ghost speaks up.
"Well, that was pathetic."
You hang your head and close your eyes in resignation. Should've known someone as toxic as he wouldn't mind his own goddamn business.
"What now, Ghost?"
He sounds oddly smug as he says, "I've been here for a couple of hours, and I didn't hear anything coming out of your room. Sounds like he doesn't know what to do with a cunt."
Behind gritted teeth, you grind out, "Don't worry about my pussy, bud. You've got yours coming in," and you hold the n as you look at your watch, "30 minutes. Now piss off."
As you stomp away towards your room, the bottle of water all but forgotten, you hear him let out a deep chuckle. He's an asshole. A physically attractive one, sans the face, but still an asshole. You're going to have to get your friend to come over more often if Ghost is going to continue being around with those jacked arms and deliciously tight grey sweats.
Sucking your teeth, you make a mental note to ask your roommate why she gave him a key to your shared flat without asking.
--
A week later, your roommate has Ghost over and you figure it'd be a good time to get some action yourself. You send him a text and in less than 20 minutes, you're letting him in. Hugging him, you tell him to go to the bedroom. But he's not paying attention to you— he's looking directly behind you.
Turning around to look, it's Ghost. Goddamn it. And this time he's shirtless with his arms crossed and a skull mask on. God fucking damn it. Pulling the arm of your friend, he looks down at you and you tell him to go on, that you'll be there soon.
He nods, walking away with one last look at the phantom leaning against your roommate's door. Exhaling a ragged sigh, you turn back to Ghost.
"Can I help you?"
He shakes his head mutely before responding, "No, lovie, but I can help you." You shake your head at his nonsense.
"No. I'm not doing this with you."
You turn to walk away when he speaks again.
"Yer really gonna let him touch you again? He clearly doesn't know what he's doing— Bedroom's silent as a crypt. Even with those glasses he's got on, he can't find what he should be lookin' for."
Insulted for your friend, you face Ghost with a disbelieving look on your face.
"You're not seriously standing here trying to cockblock me. You—" his audacity has you stammering, "You have no idea what I'm like. Maybe I'm just naturally quiet in bed."
Ghost stares at you for a solid minute before he shrugs and goes back to your roommate.
Unbelievable asshole. Why does he have to look so good shirtless, the berk.
--
You start noticing that Ghost is there a couple of hours before your roommate gets there and you'd think it's weird if you weren't too busy being distracted by the fact that he's always taunting you one way or the other. And then one day, you question him on it.
"You do know your girlfriend won't be home until the evening? It's barely 3."
Ghost turns his head from the TV to look at you and grunts.
"Not my girlfriend." That's news to you.
"Then why you spendin' so much time over here? You're gonna have me thinkin' you like spending time in my delightful presence." you banter with a teasing smile.
Ghost continues to stare at you and the heated look in his eyes confuses you but then he turns back to the TV.
"I can't stand ya, ya daft bint."
You pretend you don't hear the muted tenderness in his voice.
--
And on a sunny day, it all comes crashing down. The boys are over again, but this time Ghost is boring holes into the back of your head as you both go into your respective rooms. You're straddling your boy's hips shirtless when you hear your roommate's furious yelling from the other side of the flat and then stomping towards the front door before it slams closed.
After your bedroom door is busted open, the bolt being broken out of the faceplate from the brutal strength behind the force— and you're jumping off the bed and crossing your arms over your exposed chest.
It's Ghost and he's staring directly at your friend on the bed.
"No." He stomps over to grab your friend by his shirt and drags him off the bed and towards the front door before tossing him against it with a nasty-sounding slam.
"Get the fuck out."
Your friend is spluttering when Ghost cuts him off.
"If I see you here again, I'm turnin’ those silly little glasses," and he taps a lens with his finger, "into contacts. Now get the fuck out. I won't repeat myself." And with that, he trips over his own feet running out the door.
You're standing in the living room. eyes are wide in disbelief. What just happened? There's a moment of silence before Ghost breaks it.
"Your roommate won't be coming back today." He walks over to you picks you up to sit you on the kitchen countertop and lifts his mask over his mouth.
"Now. You're going to come on my tongue before I fuck you and personally test out this 'I'm quiet' theory, pet." You look down at him and sigh.
"I think I'm gonna need a new roommate," you lament.
Pulling the gusset of your knickers to the side, he says, "Don't worry your pretty little head over that. I'll be moving in with you. Also, no. You don't have a choice."
He digs his fingers into your thigh and purrs against your skin, “If you find it in you to scream, my real name’s Simon.” 
And with the way his usually sharp tongue delicately rubs against your clit, you can't find it in you to argue.
A/N: dreamt of this and it had me in a chokehold.
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Text
Tea Lovers
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A Levi x reader fanfic (Flufftober 2024)
Crossposted from AO3
Maybe your love for tea is the only thing you have in common. Maybe your biggest talent is annoying the shit out of Levi, and still somehow always getting away with it. But maybe he wouldn't have it any other way.
tags: fluff and humor, silly and sweet, tea-obsessed fem!reader with their head in the clouds (word count: 3.33k)
(Levi x reader Masterlist)
"Please?", you asked Erwin for the umpteenth time, making puppy dog eyes while trying to keep up with him as he walked swiftly back towards his office.
The moment he had seen you making his way towards him, his steps had significantly picked up speed, but you didn't even notice, too busy trying to put as much pathos into your voice as possible. This would be your last chance, so you were dead set on convincing him this time.
"Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?"
But as always, your pleas fell on deaf ears. None of your tactics worked on him. You had been begging Erwin to take you with him for weeks.
The moment you heard he was heading to Mitras for work, you knew you just had to go with him, but for some reason, he said no every time you asked him.
Maybe this was because you had no business being there, only occupying a low rank in the scouts. Maybe it was because you had a habit of talking too much. Either way, he didn't seem too keen on the idea.
Erwin let out an exasperated breath. "As I said before, this is a meeting between the military leaders of the three divisions. You won't be able to attend."
He gave you a stern look, but it was lost on you.
"Besides, I am only there for a day anyway, so what would you even want to do there?", Erwin added in a final desperate attempt to discourage you. Needless to say, it didn't work.
"I'm glad you asked!", you said excitedly, a little out of breath since you had to break into a little jog to keep up with his long strides. This didn't stop you from rambling, though. It never did.
"I promise I will stay out of your hair! In fact, you won't even notice I'm there. Because while you're doing your official commander business, I'll be out on an important mission myself, roaming the streets of the city, looking for the good stuff. The kind they only sell in Mitras, you know? The finest, fanciest first class shit only reserved for royalty and aristocrats. I will get it all! Well maybe not all... But as much as I can afford! I saved all of my wages for the fateful day that I would be allowed to step foot into the capital and–"
"So you're saying it was never your intention to attend the meeting?", Erwin interrupted you.
You blinked at him. "Well...no. I thought that was obvious. Why would someone like me be there?" You were just a common soldier, after all. "I only need a ride there and back again."
Erwin groaned.
"Why didn't you lead with that? I can't believe you pestered me all this time because you wanted to go on a shopping spree...", he muttered, defeated.
You perked up at his words, eyes twinkling with hope.
"Does that mean you'll let me go with you?."
He dragged a hand across his face and sighed. "Fine. If that means you'll finally leave me alo–"
"Yay!", you interrupted him, the biggest goofy grin plastered across your face as you broke into a small victory dance. "I promise you will not regret this!"
"I don't know about that...", Erwin mumbled, having finally reached the safety of his office. He unlocked the door, attempting to shut it before you could enter, but you slipped in right behind him, much to his chagrin.
"Is there something else?", he asked, looking between you and the mountains of paperwork he would still have to finish before leaving for Mitras first thing tomorrow morning.
"I just wanted to say...thank you, commander", you said, still smiling widely.
"I'll be forever in your debt! If you ever need help with something, anything, don't hesitate to ask me! Big or small, be it manual labor or administrative stuff I'll–"
"Actually", he interrupted the exuberant stream of words gushing out from your mouth, his eyes on the documents sitting on his desk. "I might have something you could help me with."
– –
The next morning you practically skipped to the carriage which would take you to the ship, barely able to contain your enthusiasm.
Erwin was walking alongside you, eyeing you incredulously. He knew you couldn't have gotten much sleep last night as you had stayed up with him, working your way through all the paperwork, but it didn't seem to affect you much.
Another surprise to add to the list then, since last night he had already been astonished to discover that despite your seemingly airheaded nature, you were actually quite a serious worker with attention to detail.
Quite frankly, he hadn't expected much when he had enlisted your help yesterday, but your ability to focus on such a mundane task for so long made him reconsider the preconceived notions he had about you. Maybe you weren't so bad, after all.
You were still chattering away in joyous anticipation as you climbed into the carriage, not minding the fact that Erwin didn't say much in return, when suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks.
There was another person inside the coach.
He looked up at the sudden noise, a blank expression on his face, and your eyes widened in recognition.
Sitting there with his legs crossed, book in hand, was none other than Levi Ackerman. You never had the chance to speak with him before, as you were part of a different squad, but of course you knew who he was.
Delighted, you thrust out a hand and introduced yourself. He stared at it with raised eyebrows, not returning the gesture. "I'm Levi–"
"I know", you said happily. "You're Captain Levi. I'm so pleased to finally meet you." You slid into the seat across from him, allowing Erwin to enter behind you. "I had no idea that you were coming with us. Erwin must have forgotten to mention it."
His eyebrows wandered even higher at your familiar way of addressing the commander, and he shot Erwin a glance.
"Don't ask", the man mumbled as he sat down next to Levi. This was just the way you were with people. He had given up trying to correct you.
Levi hummed, turning his attention back to the book in his lap. It was a long ride ahead and he was looking forward to reading in peace.
Clearly you had other plans in mind. "So I take it you will sit in on the meeting with Erwin?", you asked, unperturbed.
Levi scowled, looking back up.
"Yes", he said flatly, then attempted to focus on the book once again.
"Figures. With you being humanity's strongest, and all", you said, nodding.
He tutted irritably, eyes still trained on the pages.
There was a moment of silence which actually allowed him to parse the meaning of the sentence he had been re-reading for the fourth time now. However, it was short-lived.
"There's this one famous shop I'm dying to visit, though", you started.
Levi snapped the book shut. He was now full-on death-glaring at you, but you gave no notice, just happy you had his attention.
"You should go there, too, if you get the chance. It has the rarest, finest–"
"You should try to get some rest. How can you be so full of energy after last night?", Erwin interrupted you, trying to salvage the situation. He had watched Levi's eyes growing narrower and narrower and was honestly fearing for your life at this point.
"Why, it's only the power of black tea! Two pots, to be exact", you replied eagerly.
"Two...pots?", Erwin repeated, dumbfounded.
"Well, usually the two pots are reserved for getting me out of the food coma after lunch, and I only have one in the morning. Can't face the dread of getting up without it. But today called for more, since it's a special occasion." You gave him a warm smile. "Thanks again for letting me tag along."
"You're welcome", Erwin said, still a bit taken aback by the sheer amount of tea you consumed. He glanced at Levi, who was still looking at you, the glare on his face now replaced with his usual deadpan expression, and heaved a sigh of relief.
"If you ever need help with paperwork again, just give me a holler. It was actually kind of fun", you said, still smiling.
"You have a strange definition of fun", Erwin muttered, shaking his head. "But I will." He rubbed his eyes, which were dry from the lack of sleep.
"I'm glad. You look a bit...overworked", you pointed out, taking in the bags under his eyes. They were so pronounced that even you noticed them.
"I'm just tired. I'll try to get in some shut-eye on the way."
"Got it. I'll keep my mouth shut." You grinned.
Fortunately for the two men, you spent the rest of the ride glued to the window, quietly taking in the sights around you.
– –
Your silence lasted until you got to the boat, then you just couldn't keep it in anymore.
"Wow, this view is breathtaking", you said as you leaned against the railing of the ferry, looking out onto the river leading you deeper inside Wall Sina with big eyes, hair fluttering in the stiff breeze.
"Don't you think it's amazing how fast this moves? With this speed, we'll be in Mitras in no time."
"You act like you've never ridden on a ferry before", Levi said dryly.
He and Erwin were standing some distance away from the railing to avoid the sharp winds.
"That's because I haven't."
He shot you a surprised look, watching as you craned your head up towards the steel wires suspended above the river which helped the barge move.
"Did you know that these boat can carry up to 150 tons? That's like 300 cows or something."
"I'm sure cows are heavier than that", Erwin said.
"300 horses, then", you said. "My point remains. These wires are strong as hell"
"They are indeed", Erwin conceded.
"I didn't know farm animals were an accepted unit of weight", Levi deadpanned. "You forgot the pigs."
"Hmm", you went, seriously considering the answer. "Maybe about 750? They are much lighter than horses."
Levi shook his head at your earnest response and watched as you leaned even further over the railing, putting your entire weight on your upper body.
"If she keeps this up, she's gonna end up falling in."
Erwin hummed in agreement. Neither of them made a move to stop you.
"I'm going inside", Levi said, taking out his book again. He hadn't planned on being outside at all, but you had insisted, sputtering nonsense about the beauty of nature and taking in the sights.
As he sat down to read, he couldn't help but to take a last look out the window at the deck, half-expecting you to have fallen into the river already.
But you were still there, arms stretched out at the surface of the water like you were trying to touch it, an expression of pure and utter delight on your face.
"Idiot", he mumbled, and turned his attention back to the book.
This wouldn't be the last time he glanced up to check on you.
– –
After you had reached Mitras, you were quick to run off the boat.
"Let's meet here again for the last ferry of the day", Erwin called after you, not sure if you even heard him.
He watched you disappear into the crowd of people and sighed.
"What am I going to do with her..."
– –
You made it back just in time before the boat departed, waving at the two men who waited at the dock as you ran towards them.
Out of breath, you skidded to a halt in front of them.
"You're late", Levi said with apparent distaste.
"I'm...sorry", you panted. "Got lost...on my way back. I didn't know the capital was...this damn big."
"It's fine. I'm glad you made it", Erwin said mildly.
You were still wheezing and clutching your sides, a single bag inside your left hand.
"That's it?", Erwin asked, gesturing at the bag as you made your way onto the ferry. "I thought you wanted to go on this grand shopping tour and spend all of your money."
"Oh yeah, I did! I went all out and splurged everything on this!", you said excitedly. "I can't wait to show you."
Levi watched the exchange with raised eyebrows.
"Everything I heard about the capital was true! In fact, it was even better than I imagined! I actually thought I was in heaven. It was so hard to decide which ones to get. There were so many different varieties", you continued enthusiastically, gesticulating wildly for emphasis. "But I decided to go for quality instead of quantity. I mean, that's what money's for, right? It's not every day that you get to be in the capital, perusing the finest shops for the finest goods this world has to offer."
You carefully set your bag down on the table and took a seat in front of Levi and Erwin.
"Sooo... Are you ready to see the precious fruits of my long and laborious quest for the best of the best?"
You didn't even wait for an answer, taking out tin after tin and placing them on the table with dramatic flourish.
"Isn't this amazing?", you said happily, your face practically glowing with rapture as you took in the sight of your haul spread out in front of you.
Levi nodded, looking actually interested for once.
"Is this all...tea?“, Erwin asked in disbelief.
The table was, in fact, filled with tea canisters of all sizes.
"Of course it's all tea. What did you think I was going to buy?", you asked, genuinely puzzled that he could possibly think you would spend your hard-earned money on anything other than tea.
"I just assumed you meant clothing and the like."
"Huh. I could have sworn I told you", you murmured, still unconvinced.
"You did not."
"If you say so."
"I do say so", the commander retorted, a twinge of irritation noticeable in his voice.
"Okay, whatever. Who cares. Let's return our attention back to what's really important.", you said, gesturing at the tea in front of you.
Erwin heaved a deep sigh as you giddily started to showcase the tea you had bought.
For each one, you started with its region of origin, then you named its grade, which was of course always the finest, followed by a florid description of its aroma, never forgetting to mention what set it apart from other, lesser ones, and finally you opened the tea tin and made everyone smell it.
"How did you get this?", Levi asked in astonishment, examining the smallest of the tea canisters. "This is from Wall Maria. I thought there was none of it left."
"Ooh, I see you know your stuff. I'm always glad to meet a fellow coinnoisseur." You gave him a cheerful smile.
"I was actually planning on saving the best for last, but oh well, since you're interested..."
You took a deep breath. "You're right. It's only the last special finest tippy golden flowery orange pekoe from the most distinguished tea growing region in the south of Wall Maria. I basically had to sell a kidney to get this. Remember that famous tea shop I told you about on our ride here? They are known to have the rarest leaves, usually only reserved for royalty. But I got to talking with the owner and used all of my persuasive power to get him to sell it to me, until he finally caved!" You smiled gleefully.
Erwin could imagine exactly how that had gone. He felt sorry for the poor guy. You must have pestered him the same way you had Erwin when you tried to get him to take you to Mitras with him.
"So it's actually legit?", Levi asked, not entirely convinced.
"Go ahead, open it", you told him with a grin. "And see for yourself."
He did, holding it under his nose to take in the aroma.
"It's exquisite, isn't it?", you said excitedly, watching as his eyes grew wide.
"It is." He admitted, sounding impressed.
"You smell it, too, Erwin!", you said and took the canister from Levi to practically thrust it in Erwin’s face, then proceeded to look at him expectantly.
"It smells the same like the others to me. Rather like tea, as one might say", Erwin said matter-of-factly.
You gasped in horror. "Take that back. How can you even say that? That's sacrilegious."
Erwin shrugged. "It is simply my opinion."
You harrumphed and shook your head in disbelief.
"There is no place for opinions here. This is excellent tea, and that's a fact.", Levi said surly.
"Thank you!", you exclaimed. "I'm glad that at least one person here has taste and is distinguished enough to recognize true greatness when they see it."
You glared pointedly at Erwin before giving Levi a sweet smile.
"Since you seem to be an expert judge on the matter of tea, maybe you can help me decide which one to put in this? It's too big for the little I have of the Wall Maria one."
You reached inside your bag to take out one last item. It was a beautiful dark blue tea canister with an ornate, flowery design. "They had so many gorgeous ones, but I ran out of money, so I could only buy this one."
Levi looked at it, brows knitted. "It's yours, decide for yourself."
"Oh come on, please? I really can't make up my mind."
He clicked his tongue in annoyance, but then pointed at one of the bigger tea tins.
"That one, then."
"Yay, that's a good choice, thank you so much!" You beamed at Levi.
He averted his gaze and scoffed. "It's not like I put much thought into it", he muttered.
But you didn't even hear him, too busy humming happily as you put the tea back into the bag.
"This was the best day ever!"
– –
"This was the worst day ever", you groaned as you slunked into the room you shared with three other scouts. Two months had passed since that trip to Mitras.
There wasn't a single body part that didn't ache from today's intense training session. To top it all off, you had been in charge of cleaning duty. Now the day was basically over.
"So much for having a good birthday", you grumbled. No one besides Erwin had even remembered it, and he remembered everything, so it didn't count.
Sighing with exhaustion, you let yourself fall onto your bed, only to let out a little cry of pain. "What the hell?", you asked as you rubbed your lower back where it had made contact with something hard lying in your bed.
You rolled over, examining the culprit. It was a beautiful dark red tea canister with blue flowers dotting it, the inverse image to the one sitting on the shelves next to your desk.
"Could this be…a birthday present?", you wondered, a happy smile already spreading across your lips. "But from whom?" You turned it over, looking for a clue, but you found none.
You asked your roommates when they came back, but they sheepishly admitted that they hadn't even known that it was your birthday.
"Hmm“, you said. There were only two other people who knew about your prized tea canister: Erwin and Levi.
Erwin, always the fair-minded one, had already told you that he didn't get anyone presents. "If I gave you one, I would have to give one to every scout, and I'm afraid I can't afford that."
So this left you with only one option. It had got to be from Levi.
"That's a fellow tea lover for you", you whispered, touched, as you pressed the present to your chest.
"But which tea should I put in it?"
You knew just who to ask.
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Notes: Soo this marks the beginning of The Tea Lovers series, a bunch of loosely connected short and sweet and mostly just silly fluff pieces I am writing for Flufftober. They're all set around the same time (sometime after the fall of Wall Maria in S1, before Eren and co. join the scouts) and feature the same reader. You happily live in your own little world where everything revolves around tea, totally oblivious to what you're doing to Levi, lol. I am going to be releasing the next part soon, so stay tuned!
Click here for Part 2
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vettelsvee · 4 months ago
Text
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THEY SAY | Oscar Piastri
f1 masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | instagram
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oscar piastri x gf!reader
summary: reader is quite insecure about herself due to fans and paps comments, and oscar tries to comfort her
word count: 1206
warning: wait till the end and tell me if you'd like a part 2 *kiss kiss*. reader feeling insecure about herself and thinking she's not good enough (remember: you are good enough, don't hear what others say!). use of y/n. corrected the translation at almost 1am so i apologize if there are mistakes
you can send your one shots requests here! feedback as well as comments and reblogs are truly appreciated! <3
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After a long day in the paddock, and after a race that was supposed to be the highlight of the season but ended in a DNF for Oscar, your boyfriend decided to cheer both of you up by inviting you to have dinner in a fancy restaurant. You have been in a relationship for several years since you both were high school sweethearts, so sometimes the romance wore thin. Today, he wanted to give his best after a day worth to forget.
Lately, he had noticed that your behavior was a bit strange. You seemed uncomfortable with yourself, and your self-esteem was at an all-time low, judging by the unpleasant comments you had been making lately about herself. Moreover, the media and "fans" criticism didn't help either, as paparazzi and journalists had been harassing and spreading rumors about Oscar cheating on you, or that you have been gaining too much weight for Piastri’s liking. All of them, among others, were damaging your relationship slowly. 
For those two reasons, and because he felt like changing the scenery after the weekly training stress, Oscar told you that you would go out to enjoy a peaceful dinner. He was conscious of all of those criticism, and he was going to remind you how special you were to him and most of it, how perfect you were for him. Also, that you shouldn’t give a damn shit about others opinions, specially when Oscar was the one dating and loving you.
Although you initially resisted to go because you didn’t want to be the center of attention once again, you finally accepted because you knew it hadn’t been an easy day for your boyfriend. You dressed in a beautiful electric blue dress he had gifted you for you birthday las year, and decided not to wear makeup and jewelry. However, you still felt nervous. It was the presence of paparazzi, who followed you wherever you went, made you feel increasingly insecure about yourself and your relationship once again.
In those moments, you thought that Oscar deserved a girl better than you.
"Love," you addressed you boyfriend, a bit hesitant. "Do I look fine like this?"
"My God, Y/N… You're perfect. You always are."
You looked at yourself in the mirror once again. You tried to fake a smile, but you didn't like what you saw in front of you.
"I don't know… I feel a bit ridiculous in this dress," you explained. "Do I look too fat? I don’t think this color suits me very well either..."
"Don't say that," Oscar scolded, approaching you. "It looks amazing on you. Do you remember when I gave it to you? You loved it! You have been wanting it, for months actually, and even though you didn't say it, your face said it all."
"Yes, I remember perfectly, but the problem is that I don't feel comfortable with myself," you continued. "I'm tired of everything that's being said about us and the opinions people seem to have about us. To be honest with you, every day I feel more like… well, that I don’t deserve to be in your life. At least, not as your girlfriend.”  
Oscar sighed. He knew you were right. He was pretty conscious about the media and obsessive fans’ behaviour towards you, and he didn’t like that part of fame either, especially when it was for no reason, and because they had no right to comment on your relationship, which was definitely private, but not secret.
You started to cry shily. He did nothing but hesitate to hug you and make your head rest on his chest. He immediately starting to stroke your hair while gently rocking you from side to side, trying his best to calm you down.
"That shouldn't worry you because you're the most important person to me," he assured you. "I love you just the way you are, for the worst and the better, and I’ll keep doing so every day for the rest of my life, ok?."
"Yeah, I know," you said, pulling away from him quite angrily, "The thing here is that I don't care about what you think, but what other people think. I hate that there are people who are spending their free time, or not so free, making theories about us as if we were a Marvel movie!t”
"Darling..."
"Don’t," you exclaimed, interrupting him, "I understand, and I respect, that you're a public figure, but that doesn't mean I can't be tired of the treatment I receive from girls that are in love with you! Aren't they such big fans of yours, and do they admire and love you so much, that they can't have a minimum of respect for the person you share your life with?"
Oscar knew you were right.
"Don't let that worry you," he explained. "What matters is that you and I love each other, and it's not a fake relationship like many out there, so don't let the negative comments affect you. Remember: those people don't deserve even a second of your thoughts."
"Well..." you replied simply. "It's difficult, Osc… I feel like people are analyzing and judging me all the time, no matter what I do."
Your boyfriend sighed again. He didn't know what to do to calm you down. Seeing you hurt made him feel really bad. Although he was familiar with the daily attention and hate comments, it didn't mean you, his girlfriend, had to get used to them. He felt frustrated and worried for you because, even though he knew you were aware that negative attention was part of the deal you signed when you started dating back in high school, it didn't mean you weren't bothered by seeing the love of your life being constantly mocked.
Oscar started thinking what to do. He wanted to make you happy, but if going out to have dinner isn’t what you desired that night… 
"What do you think if, instead of going out, we stay here, at the hotel?" he proposed to you. Immediately, you seemed a bit cheered up by the suggestion. "We can order something and have dinner in bed while watching a movie or a series you fancy."
"Really? You don't mind? I'm sure you already had the reservation made, and I really feel so bad..."
"Of course I don't mind," he explained, giving you a kiss on the forehead. "You are the most important thing in my life, so I will do whatever it takes to make you feel better."
Your eyes were still red, but you tried to feel better and fake you were ok. You hugged Oscar and thanked him again for what he just did.
Immediately, you both snuggled up in bed while watching a movie you chose, while Oscar phoned to the hotel’s reception so you could have room service for dinner. Pizza, most specifically, as you wanted it and told your boyfriend.
You didn’t know, but that moment made Oscar the happiest man on earth. He made you smile, even amidst the sadness. However, it was time to start thinking how he could propose to you in a different way because your insecurity, sadly, ruined his plans to kneel and pull the question.
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