#do not touch the wild mammals

[siliquasquama]

People need to respect wild animals as wild animals and not cute fluffy things to pet I stg

[rxttenfish]

............ i’m starting to worry that all the talk of “trash pandas” and people calling themselves raccoons have unfairly given people the idea that raccoons are safe or docile or easy to handle

like, the original wish to talk of them in more endearing terms was in reaction to the overarching narrative that they’re pests and should be exterminated, but that absolutely DOES NOT mean you should get close to raccoons nor treat them as pets. they are still a dangerous animal that you shouldn’t disturb, much less come within biting distance of a raccoon.

[bunjywunjy]

Do animals cuddle in the wild ?

(Totally not me wanting an excuse to see cute animals photos)

pretty much all animals with social or semi-social lifestyles cuddle at least occasionally in the wild for everything from protection to enhancing bonds and relieving stress! this includes everything from birds and mammals to some really unexpected animals like sharks.

touch is just a near-universal love language.

[aplpaca]

Do you have any cool bird facts

female raptors (eagles, hawks, falcons, etc) are larger than male raptors in pretty much all species. this happens even in groups not closely related to each other (ex: hawks and falcons), so its beneficial enough in their niche that its evolved independently a few times, though its unsure exactly what that benefit is atm (bc unlike males being larger in a lot of mammals, female raptors dont make a habit of fighting each other or using size to attract mates as far as we know). ex: heres a male and female Cooper's Hawk

somewhat mentioned above but falcons are more closely related to parrots than they are to hawks

Gray Catbirds and American Robins have been witnessed raising young in the same nest at the same time. In one instance (reported by Mulvihill and Murray), they were recorded caring for the young of both species in the nest, and when the Catbird young fledged, the adult Catbirds continued to provide food for the not-yet-fledged Robins. heres a pic of the nest from the report

the worlds oldest known bird as of 2024 is a wild Laysan Albatross named Wisdom who's 72-73 years old (at minimum, we dont actually know her birth date, just that she was at least 5 years old when she was banded in the 50s) and still raising chicks. here's her with one of her chicks

also Albatrosses have wingspans of up to 3.5m/11.5ft and have been recorded flying 49,700 miles without touching land (they do land in the water to eat tho)

this is from personal experience but if you walk around in a north american grassland for long enough, you Will get jumpscared by a Mourning Dove bc they make their nests on the ground in the grass and like to hang out on the ground in the grass and they also like to wait until youre right overtop of them to freak out and fly away from you

Bald Eagles don't get their fully white heads and tails until theyre about 5 years old

A lot of birds have been observed incorporating cigarette butts into their nests, and a study in Mexico on House Finches found that this actually results in drastic decreases in parasites affecting young compared to nests without them

Cedar Waxwings (and Waxwings in general) just look so smooth. they look like someone airbrushed them. look at this shit

in Jacanas, females lay eggs in multiple males' nests, and then the males raise the young by themself. Also they carry their babies under their wings like this

Horned Guan. Theyre endangered and live in a small area of central america. both the males and females have the little horn fez, the males just have taller ones

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

Let's talk about zoo animal welfare for a second...

(And I want to preface this by saying I have a 4 year Bachelor degree in Animal Science (focusing in welfare and behaviour with a major in Canine and Equine Science) before I got sidetracked into zoo animals and did 3 internships working with wild canids, ungulates and marine mammals - this involved both hands on behaviour modification/desenitisation as well as hands off behavioural observation and welfare study. I worked for 2 years as a marine mammal specialist and worked specifically in facilities to improve husbandry, behavioural training and welfare practises.

I also worked in a facility in the Asia Pacific, working to improve welfare standards for bottlenose dolphins and continued to work with cetacean welfare researchers after this. I also did a course in zoo management, husbandry and welfare and this involved working in an accredited zoo facility learning things like exhibit design, behaviour management and husbandry with multiple species.)

So a few points to say about zoo animal welfare when discussing zoo standards and practises:

The average person does not have the expertise to do behaviour observation and welfare evaluation in zoo animals - that's why when the general public visits a zoo and says "the animal looks sad" it's worth being skeptical of that claim. But it doesn't mean a gut feeling about a zoo's quality can be completely invalid. Just that it might be worth researching further or seeking more information.

However, with experience, it is possible to analyse behaviour in the context of welfare. And context to that behaviour is always important (for example, Moo Deng showing stress related behaviour towards the specific context of being touched or followed around by her keeper - very much an indication of poor handling practises)

Poor animal husbandry and welfare is not limited to specific countries or regions, however it can be more normalised and accepted under the influnce of cultures and laws. Or even just the culture of the zoo itself such as the "this is the way we've always done it" places.

Being an accredited zoo is a start to good welfare, but it doesn't make any sort of welfare concern obsolete. And accreditation is supposed to ensure that welfare concerns are addressed but because they are mostly run as a volunteer based organisation, they often don't have resources to check into every concern (unless it's a government funded organisation)

A zoo contributing to conservation research is great, but not if it is at the expense of the animals' welfare - welfare should always be prioritised, with research and conservation efforts to follow.

Welfare is a state that is in flux. So a negative welfare state can move into positive welfare state under different influences.

There are multiple factors that influence zoo animal welfare: enclosure/habitat, expression of natural behaviour, guest interaction, diet, enrichment, water quality, hygeine ect. It'll rarely just be one factor, though it does depend how salient that factor is.

Just because a keeper or management of a zoo have been there for a long time, doesn't mean they can't be criticised - it is possible to be still using outdated practises and believing in methodologies and management practises that need updating - that's the whole point of continued education

Having limited resources can often impact welfare. Giving a facility the resources they need to improve is a good start to improving welfare.

Even if an animal is being handled in an inappropriate way for a short time, that doesn't mean that can't have long term implications for welfare eg. if every time your dog jumped on you when you got home and you smacked him in the face once before going on with your day, that doesn't mean that your dog won't learn negative associations with your arrival just because it was one time.

Best practise husbandry of zoo animals involves:

Use of positive reinforcement based voluntary husbandry and health care

All interaction based on choice and voluntary interaction that is reinforced with primary reinforcement such as food

Mostly hands off approaches for the species that require them (ungulates, large primates, large carnivores)

Relatively stable social groups with aggression only in specific situations/contexts that are normal for the species

Back areas for animals to rest outside of public view

Species appropriate habitats to meet species specific behaviour requirements

Five freedoms of welfare being met but goes above and beyond the bare minimum

Poor zoo animal husbandry involves animals:

Being forced into anything such as presentations, education programs, medical procedures/gating

Any use of physical punishment such as chasing, slapping, pushing or poking - negative reinforcement such as bull hooks are also fairly outdated in handling species like elephants

Being excessively handled, chased and touched/restrained for no reason (eg. for social media videos)

Showing signs of avoidance and aggression constantly towards their keepers

Have constant conflict happening in their social groups

Are living in enclosures that are not suitable for their specific specific needs - size is only one factor in this. Substrate, habitat design, water quality ect. are also things to consider.

Are too close to the public/at risk from the public

Have no areas to retreat from the public/rest away from potential stressors

Have no enrichment program/no daily enrichment

Those are all flags that there could be some poor welfare happening and that a zoo is not prioritising welfare

Okay there's the ramble of the day done. Feel free to ask questions for further clarification if needed.

[sealsdaily]

The asker on that PSA post turned out to be kind of an unsavory type beyond just rudeness, but the general message is important so i'm archiving it here.

The thing about seals is their PR is ideal: they're cute and round and all, there's tons of videos of aquarium workers having fun interacting with them. They're just so cute, it should be fine to get all close and touch one when you see one in the wild, right?

Well...nope. Despite their lack of mobility on land, seals are still Carnivora, and their closest relatives are bears: even the cutest smallest seals have sharp claws and teeth for hunting fish.

One of the top predators in the Antarctic waters is the Leopard seal, and Elephant seals (who tend to live around places humans live, too) can be aggressive and their thick skin and fat help them withstand blows that would pulverize the average human.

However, this isn't just for your safety, but theirs too! As some of you may know, the US has the Marine Mammal Protection Act, which plainly serves to protect the ecosystems of marine mammals such as seals. It prohibits the "taking" of marine mammals, which includes not only killing and displacing the animals but also "harassment", which in turn is defined as behavior that has the potential to either injure said wild mammal or disturb behavioral patterns: breathing, feeding, breeding, migrating, sheltering, nursing. Any US aquarium with seals, or scientists bothering seals for research have received a permit to take them from their natural habitat and harass them. That doesn't mean that once you're outside the US you're free to stick your hand into that Leopard seal's mouth: regulations are written in blood, laws aren't just required but can just be common sense even when they don't apply where you are. A lot of facilities containing seals are rescue centers; the seals have to be there for their own good because of an injury or disease.

This has been a Sealsdaily PSA; please remember that most interactions with seals you see out there are done by professionals who have been permitted and trusted to interact with these animals, and if it's an everyman doing the interacting it can lead to consequences.

Oh i didn't know about seal finger before, but that's also a valid point about taking caution in human-seal interactions.

Technically this one is less "seal puncture leads to disease" and more "seals live in the same area as Mycoplasma bacteria that can infect punctures", but like, again, just, general safety. Seals aren't an outlier; if you see any wild animal it's best to keep your distance

[fox-bright]

My covid post from last year is going around again, as I sit here debating how and what to write about HPAI H5N1.

I'm tired.

Things to know:

HPAI H5N1, Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza H5N1, is so far wildly lethal when humans get it. Somewhere between 53% and 56% of the humans who have been found to have it have died.

Those people mainly got it from interacting with sick birds. A couple have gotten it from interacting with sick mammals. The one of those that's most important to US news right now is a worker at a milk cow farm who got sick very recently. That worker's only symptom before getting on antiviral medication was pinkeye.

(Keep your cats indoors; cats are getting it from sick birds. Don't have bird feeders this year. Do NOT interact with wild birds that are acting strangely; do not poke at dead wild birds.)

Humans are not yet giving it to humans. There are one or two cases where they might have done, in the last few years; those cases guttered out quickly, to the great good luck of our species, and did not spread.

Human-to-human transmission is the big concern.

We are not in any immediate danger of H2H transmission. When we're in immediate danger, you'll know.

When the flip happens, we will go from not being in immediate danger to being in immediate danger, very rapidly. This could happen this month, or in five months, or in five years, and we don't know when.

By the time we are in immediate danger, it is too late to do the greater bulk of your preparation.

So it's time to prepare now. This time we have is a blessing. We should not squander it. What would you have done differently in September, 2019, if you knew what was coming? Do that.

With some differences; a) flu can pass by fomite--that is, a sick person touches a doorknob, you touch a doorknob, you rub your face, you get sick--so you actually do need cleaning chemicals for this one. b) This one gets in through the eyeballs pretty easily in its current shape, so eye protection should be prepped for adding to masking in public spaces. c) this one is gonna call for fever reducers and we know how hard they were to get when covid hit; stock up. And stock up on pet food if you can keep it from going bad, because pet food gets its protein from cow and bird meat; there will be shortages.

With a lot of similarities; the flu is airborne so don't stop masking, if we have a proper lockdown this time you're going to wish you had flour and rice and canned fruit so keep stock of all your staples. If you have a nice big freezer, now is the time to get beef and chicken before the prices shoot to the ceiling. I'm also stocking up on powdered milk and powdered eggs for baking with.

We have made a lot, a LOT of mistakes with how we've handled covid. But one thing we didn't do wrong was all of the community-building in the early days. Think about what worked then, and what didn't really work. Now is the time to make sure community bonds are strong. As always, as in ANY potential disaster, there are two most-important questions?

Who can protect and support you?

Who can you support and protect?

Plan accordingly.

[highways-are-liminal-spaces]

Nature Ask Meme 🍄🦌🌳

Send me a number and I'll answer or post a photo!

Do you have a favorite place near you to "touch grass"?

What was your weirdest favorite animal as a kid?

If you could see any extinct species in the wild, what would it be?

If you could see any non-extinct species in the wild, what would it be?

What's the coolest wildlife behavior you've ever seen?

What's your favorite bird you've ever seen?

What's your favorite bird song or call?

Can you identify birds by song or call?

Do you have a favorite nature photo you've ever taken?

What's your favorite invertebrate?

Are you scared of any animals?

What stereotypical "icky" or "scary" animals would you defend to your last breath?

What is the ugliest mammal? What about the ugliest bird?

What animal has the cutest babies?

If you could domesticate any kind of animal as a pet, what would it be?

Would you rather see a volcano or a waterfall?

Would you be more scared caving or mountain climbing?

What's your favorite nonfiction book about nature?

What's your favorite fiction book about nature?

What's your favorite poem or song lyric about nature?

What's the most underrated mushroom?

Can you identify any mushrooms? How confidently?

Bioluminescence or mycelial networking?

What's your favorite freshwater fish?

What's your favorite plant to grow yourself?

Have you ever made a meal from food you've hunted/fished/foraged yourself?

What's your favorite outdoor activity?

What's your favorite local animal you see all the time but still love?

What's your favorite type of wetland?

What is your ideal weather?

Thunderstorms or fog?

If you had to give a presentation on any nature topic without any prep, what would you pick?

What is your favorite predator-prey relationship?

What is your favorite mutualism?

What is your favorite natural "cycle"?

What is your favorite adaptation?

Do you have a favorite piece of clothing with a nature pattern on it?

What is the most underrated ecosystem?

What ecosystem do you consider your "home" ecosystem?

What is your favorite kind of rock formation?

Igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic rock?

What is your favorite mountain range? Favorite individual peak?

Have you ever felt an earthquake?

Geysers or hot springs?

What is your favorite wildflower?

What is your favorite plant or flower smell?

What is your favorite species of tree?

Do you have a favorite individual tree?

What fictional species would you most like to observe in the wild, if it were real? Are there any ways to interact with fictional organisms you wish you had the opportunity to do?

What fictional environment would you most like to explore?

[moonbaby26]

As we know, Oda made the original seven warlords all animal themed. With Doflamingo -duh- being a flamingo 🦩💖. But in this post I wanted to add the additional reasons I find it funny that my favorite warlord is indeed, a bird. Because most birds are chaotic, evil trainwrecks if you didn’t know! Do not be fooled by their elegant propaganda of the American bald eagle, peacock, and such.

Far more bird species are of the hissing/unpredictable/possessive/oversexed/homicidal/drama queen variety.

And as part of my example, I will be introducing my pet cockatiel! He is a male, lutino color variant. I took him to the avian vet recently to get a quick nail trim (he treats my arm like a bloodied ski slope with his little feet razors otherwise).

The likeness is uncanny, right? Spiked up blond hairdo and all. 🤣

But here is my rambling list below of why Doflamingo fits the bird theming beyond just his aesthetics. Note, all species are different. These are just generalities.

1. Birds are needy, attention whores. Realistically, this comes from wanting the attention and safety of their flock. And my bird gets plenty of out of cage time with us. But oh my god, sometimes if he hears me so much as sneeze and he can’t see me…WHY AM I IN THE HOUSE, BUT NOT WITH HIM!? WHY!? RED ALERT. He starts flock calling for me, and I must respond with at least a whistle or he will begin screaming. Because surely, someone must be murdering me if I don’t come to him immediately.

2. They are complete horndogs. Seriously, everyone thinks humping inappropriate things is a male dog exclusive problem. Nope. There are professional bird behaviorists that people literally pay to come teach them how to calm their pet birds’ sexual aggression and the nightmare that can become. You have to be mindful of how you interact with them, lest they start thinking YOU are their mate and begin attacking anyone else in the house who is not you. Because they are jealous. So jealous. I only pet/preen my bird on his head. As that is perfectly platonic flock behavior. But touching anywhere else (back or chest for example) can make them think it’s sexy time. Male birds will hump the utter hell out of “favorite” objects. Birds kept with others must be monitored that no one is getting ganged up on. But it happens in the wild too. Female ducks need pepper spray or self defense classes. I’ll just leave it at that.

3. They are murderous/violent, and easily overstimulated. So my bird weighs around 80 grams give or take. As an adult human, he’s not going to take me down anytime soon. But if he wanted to, he likely could bite me hard enough to go to the bone. He never has truly bitten me, but I watch his body language. He runs up wanting to be petted. Or sits on me long enough that he falls asleep. He likes to be together, but always on his terms. If I touched him too much, or when he didn’t want it, he’d definitely bite me. People have lost eyes to larger birds. People have had to have reconstructive surgery from parrot bites. They can crush whole nuts in their beak. So what do you think they’ll do to your face when they are sitting on your shoulder and suddenly get triggered (which they very easily are)? Humans have been drowned by swans. And forget it when it comes to something like the Cassowary. You’re already dead if they really wanted you to be.

4. They are opportunistic. Oh look, more murder! People think only birds of prey are the true meat eaters. But a pelican would eat you if it thought it could swallow you. Even the smallest birds have been observed killing other birds and small mammals if they can. Food is food. They are not cute to their victims. They are survivalists. No mercy. Ever. Some baby birds actually eat their own nestmates if one sibling is stronger than the others (sorry Rosi, there really was a precedent for that 😰).

5. They are territorial. And still more murder! In my own yard we have birdhouses made for Eastern bluebirds. They’re a species that legit benefits from human intervention as bluebirds will only nest in cavities, which they have less of now because of deforestation and competition with non native species taking said cavities. Non native species (for the US anyway) of the European house sparrow in particular. House sparrows are tiny. Smaller than a bluebird. But they will slaughter a bluebird family. All over territory during breeding season. They enter the bluebird nest and will peck even the adult bluebirds to death if they can catch them on the nest. They killed a male bluebird of ours this way. Now we put up “sparrow spookers” on our active bluebird nests once eggs are in the box. It’s just mylar streamers that blow in the wind, and the sparrows are afraid to fly through it. But every breeding season we have to go through this again. Basically Riku dynasty versus Donquixote dynasty in our backyard with the invading house sparrows.

And I could go on and on really, about greed, mood swings, vanity, etc. But you get the idea now. Murder, sex, and bright plumage. Heavy emphasis on the murder especially. He really is a bird in every sense of the word. 😅

Edit: Oh! And I forgot grudges! Some birds will hold a grudge for ages. Just ask a crow. I thought my bird would be over my betrayal of the vet visit by today. Nah. He’s still pissed. He won’t come to me right now. He fakes me out to offer my hand to him, then says, nah, bitch! And opens his mouth like he rather bite. It’ll be a few days I guess. 🤣 Never betray a Donquixote!

[evenhisfacewasanalias]

Remedy

Lady Jane Grey/Guildford Dudley

Rating: Adult

He shifts down, again allowing some of the warmth from his palms to seep into her skin before pressing against the tension there too. This time Jane leans into the motion, exhaling intentionally as she feels the intense pressure and subsequent release. Another hold and press, this time moving outward from her spine. The back of her day dress doesn’t leave much room for him to maneuver but he’s covering as much bare skin as he can with each touch.

“You don’t need to do this for me,” she automatically insists, though she doesn’t exactly try to halt him.

“I’m not,” Guildford retorts, not stopping either. “I’m doing it for me - you’ve barely turned a page in the last half hour and I can’t think when you’re over there groaning like a doddard.”

(Aka: Guildford offers Jane a backrub as they search for a cure together)

Jane can feel a particularly stubborn knot forming at the base of her skull from squinting at the faded ink of the codex in front of her - echoing the throbbing of her temples at trying to parse out the unfamiliar Greek dialect. There is also, of course, the ongoing issue of the tightness between her shoulder blades from spending evening after evening hunched over a pile of ancient manuscripts and her own notes. Her lower back isn't faring much better either. In fact, it might be safe to say her entire spine feels about as rigid and inflexible as the ones on these books. Her headache, however, may also be attributed to her research partner.

After eight failed cures for Ethianism, Guildford has taken it upon himself to help go over her notes. Unfortunately, this means he’s taken over her usual spot on her own bed, sprawling back against her headboard and claiming her pillows for himself while she is left to perch awkwardly on the other end trying to read Aeolic.

And this would be so much easier if Jane was a fan of Greek poetry instead of medicine and philosophy, which were mainly written in the Athenian dialects. She’s certain the loss of the η and the excess vowels sounded absolutely lovely when read aloud, but to her exhausted mind it just makes everything that much more difficult to translate. The fact that this writer, one Cadmus of Thessaly, uses far too many pronouns isn’t helping either. Αυτός without any definite article could mean ‘self’, but with one typically meant ‘this’ or ‘the same’. So was the αυτός described connected to or separate from the θηρίον, the wild beast? What did the “love” or “delight in” of φιληδεω translate to? Was Guildford supposed to ‘love’ his beast self? Was he to ‘delight in’ spending time with other horses? Was someone supposed to fall in love with him?

She looked over at the man arrogantly sprawled across her pillows, currently tossing aside her notes as if they were mere rubbish. 

If that were the case, he’d be stuck as a horse forever. 

Maybe he was supposed to get a horse to like him?

Jane couldn’t seem to stop her brain from asking the next question - was Guildford supposed to fuck a horse? 

She grimaced at the invasive thought. Obviously not - for one thing, she knew the difference between φιλη and έρως - erotic love. And half the Ethians of her acquaintance weren’t even mammals. 

Deciding she had had more than enough of Cadmus of Thessaly for one evening, she tosses the book aside, and tries to unfurl her spine.

“Gah! ” Ok, so that was a terrible plan. Her spine has clearly decided to take out its vengeance on her for her bad posture. 

Guildford is looking at her strangely, and she realizes she probably looks like she managed to injure herself reading. At least the Duke of Leicester isn’t here to confirm his suspicions that the habit is too dangerous for young ladies. 

“Someone should invent a more agreeable position for reading,” she says to no one in particular, but also very much to Guildford in order to explain her geriatric verbal eruptions.

“Well it’s certainly not going to be that hunchback posture you’re trying to perfect,” he tosses back, as if he’s not the one directly at fault for her awkward seating posture.

Jane will insist on pain of death that the sound that comes out of her mouth next is not a squawk.

“Well I wouldn’t need to hunch over if a certain someone hadn’t taken up the entire headboard of my own bed.”

“There’s more than enough room up here -” Guildford extends his arm to indicate the pillow next to him, only to bump against the pile of crumpled parchment at his side.

“Yes, I so dearly love sitting amongst the refuse of all my hard work.”

“I didn’t,” he starts, and then, perhaps thinking better of trying to deny it, “these are just the old pages, the ones we tried that didn’t work. Or things I’ve already tried myself. And I can move them, you know.”

She tries to wave him off, not exactly looking to wedge herself in next to him any more than she wants to be hunched over at the end of the bed. But apparently her shoulders are now joining in on the protest as well. She winces and lowers her arm back to a more neutral position.

“Look, just come up here,” he insists.

“It’s fine,” she sighs, “the damage is done, I might as well stay like this until we’re finished.”

“It’s not fine, if you get any more uptight about it you’re liable to break something. Just…here.”

He pushes aside all the parchment, making space just to the side of himself. And Jane doesn’t particularly want to sit that close to him but she’s also too tired and sore to argue about it. She shifts up toward him with as much dignity as she can, only wincing a little when she tries to straighten back.

Perhaps she winces a lot.

Whatever she does, it seems to inspire Guildford to step in and rearrange her. Only instead of arranging her back against the headboard, he turns her back towards himself, pushing aside her braid and lightly prodding at her neck and shoulders with his thumbs. A pained hiss from her has his thumbs immediately retreating. But his hands remain where they are, heavy and warm against the small amount of skin revealed by the back of her day dress.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re too tense, I need your muscles to warm up and acclimatize before I do anything.”

“And just what is it you..?”

She starts to ask but then he presses with his whole palm against the spread of her trapezius just below her neck, so that her question finishes instead with a surprised exhale. Whatever he just did burns hot along the strained nerves of her spine, but also feels sort of nice?

He shifts down, again allowing some of the warmth from his palms to seep into her skin before pressing against the tension there too. This time Jane leans into the motion, exhaling intentionally as she feels the intense pressure and subsequent release. Another hold and press, this time moving outward from her spine. The back of her dress doesn’t leave much room for him to maneuver but he’s covering as much bare skin as he can with each touch.

“You don’t need to do this for me,” she automatically insists, though she doesn’t exactly try to halt him. 

“I’m not,” Guildford retorts, not stopping either. “I’m doing it for me - you’ve barely turned a page in the last half hour and I can’t think when you’re over there groaning like a doddard.”

Jane is definitely making noises now, as warm hands shift up to squeeze at the back of her neck.

“Mmh ,” she can’t help but hum as his lightly callused thumbs come back into the equation, stroking along the jut of tight muscle down her neck, gradually loosening it. 

He pauses for a second at the sound, almost long enough for her to be embarrassed by the noise, but then he resumes, digging his thumbs a little deeper with each pass. Jane lets her head tip forward, the stretch of it no longer so painful. 

Guildford has really nice hands, Jane realizes. Broad and strong, but surprisingly gentle, with agile fingers. In the privacy of her own mind she can admit that her eyes are often drawn to them. The night they met they were twirling around two stolen blades, expertly tossing them at the center of the dart board. The next time they met those self-same fingers were slipping a wedding ring around her own. She tries not to think about the ring itself too much, or the matching one around his own finger. Nor does she linger on the memory of him spinning her into his arms on their wedding night, only to humiliate her.

For entirely different reasons she skips over the memory of those strong hands pouring water across his bared physique in the stables. Far safer to think about his hands as he passes her a book - the broad expanse of them covering far more surface area than her own - or agile fingers twirling a quill, curled around a wine glass. Jane has apparently been thinking about his hands more than she had previously acknowledged.

She’s certainly paying attention now, as Guildford tilts her head to the side, cradling one side of her head in his deep palm while the other goes to work on her levator scapulae. She whines a little as he hits a particularly tender spot with his knuckles, switching instead to long broad strokes with the side of his hand, rubbing marvelous little circles right behind her ears. Jane feels some of her earlier headache start to ebb away as he tilts her head the opposite direction and repeats the motions.

Seemingly satisfied with her newly returned range of motion, he gently guides her head back to center, shifting his fingers upwards towards the base of her skull where the knot from earlier still existed - only to be thwarted by her hair. 

“Can I take this out?”

“Mmhmm. ” 

Jane has within her possession a quite extensive vocabulary - she’s a voracious reader, and a not-inexperienced conversationalist. Her mental lexicon stretches across seven fluent languages. But somehow a few small touches from Guildford’s skilled hands have reduced her to practically a single syllable.   

She now discovers yet another one of Guildford’s skills, as he manages to free her hair from its braid in short order with barely a snag. He sets aside the pink ribbon that held it back and she’s oddly touched by the care he shows for it. But that is nothing compared to the feel of his fingers sliding into her hair, shaking it loose from its earlier tension. Every nerve in her scalp lights up at the soft scrape of blunt fingers, the shifting of her curls back into their natural wild state. He runs his hands through her hair a few more times to make sure every strand is freed before pressing his fingers upward against the base of her skull. He holds them in place, digging into the strain there for what feels like many minutes but is barely more than a few breaths, before releasing. Jane lets out another embarrassing noise at the exquisite release of tension, glad she doesn’t have to look Guildford in the face for this. 

However awkward the sounds she’s making are, it doesn’t stop him from repeating the motion, gradually getting less and less response from her each time as the strain finally yields beneath his fingers. Jane feels half drunk on it by the time his fingers glide up to circle at her temples, freeing her from the last of her earlier headache. Even her earlier annoyance at him as the original cause of her cephalgia evaporates with the soothing press of his fingertips.

Jane is nearly at risk of tipping forward by the time he finally withdraws his hands. Figuring that was the end of whatever this was, she tried to pull herself mentally back together to face another round of research. But instead she feels his hands return again to her upper back. This time the work of his thumbs and knuckles dips a little below the edge of her dress.

“This would be a lot easier without all this boning in the way,” he murmurs against the curtain of her newly freed hair.

Part of her wants to declare that much in her life would be easier without restrictive bodices, but again all she manages is another “mhm”. Until she realizes what he’s implying.

“You want me to…?”

“Only if you want,” he interrupts, gently and a little hoarsely. And then a bit more teasingly, “I mean, I’ve already seen you in your shift. And if I remember correctly you’ve also seen me in far less.”

She blushes at the memory of just how much less he had been wearing at the time, thankful once again that he can’t see her face right now. But she can also hear the slight challenge in his voice, and she’s never been one to back down.

Her mind is still swimming a bit with the sensation of his fingers against her scalp, but she manages just enough coordination to tug at the laces tucked within the fore panel of her bodice. It takes a few moments to actually loosen them enough for their purposes, but then she’s pushing herself off the bed on shaking legs and slipping off her overdress and skirts. They pool at her feet with a heavy thud as she turns back to finally look at Guildford.

She expects to see one of his increasingly familiar expressions: either the standard rakish grin, or perhaps the oft-worn look of impatience with her - she is, after all, interrupting their research with the unfortunate consequences of her bad posture. What she doesn’t expect to turn and see are his eyes grown wide, mouth slightly parted in surprise. Jane quickly looks down to make sure she hasn’t accidentally removed her shift as well. But no, everything seems in place. She’s actually far more covered up than she had been on their wedding night.

Guildford schools his expression into some semblance of normality and clears his throat, “I only meant to ask you to loosen your bodice a little…”

Jane feels her face heating. Of course he hadn’t meant her to just strip off her dress in front of him like this. But he might have also said something earlier, before her dress was already on the floor. If she has to be embarrassed then so does he. 

“Well I’m not putting it back on now,” she declares. “It’s past three anyway.”

She sits back on the bed with her back facing him, half daring him to continue as planned, and half hiding her own mortification.

“...this might be easier if you lie down,” his voice comes out huskier than normal from behind the curtain of her hair.

“Alright.”

Jane should feel embarrassed at how compliant she’s become after nothing more than a little rubbing of her scalp and neck, but she’s never faced anyone quite so adept at it. Her mother used to occasionally brush her tangled hair for her - an experience neither of them would ever want to repeat. Susannah was much gentler with it, and occasionally she’d rub circles into her back whenever Jane took ill. But none of it compares to the strong hands and clever fingers currently scraping weeks of tension from her upper body, leaving her head floating with the sensation of it. It seemed her nerves were so used to stress she could barely think without it. 

So she moves without really thinking about it to help Guildford clear enough space for her to lie down next to him. She does note that he’s much more careful with the rest of her notes now, and tucks that thought away for when can do more than think “huh ” about it.

Jane stretches out across the newly cleared bedspread and sighs a little at the feeling of her spine uncurling just a fraction. She can feel the obvious difference between her head and neck, now relaxed in the cradle of her arms, and everything still coiled with tension below. 

Guildford sits at her side, his hip pressed into the space just below her ribs, and she feels his hands sweep down her back, probing for knots and areas of tightness. She should probably just tell him her whole back is one giant knot, but she’s distracted by the teasing sensation of the lighter touches through the thin barrier of her shift. Even though her back still hurts, his touches feel nice in the same way his fingers in her hair did, and she’s surprised at the way her nerves light up all the way down to her front. She can feel her nipples tightening where they’re pressed against the bed, assuring herself it’s only an automatic reaction to the contrast between the heat of his hands and the apparent coolness of her exposed skin.

An actual moan escapes her lips at the first deep press of his hands right above her shoulder blades, forcing the air from her lungs with a sound that comes out much more pleased than she intended. She hears what might be a scoff or a grunt from the man above her, but she’s having trouble finding it in herself to be embarrassed when the pressure of his weight against her stiff muscles, his warm hands molded to the skin of her back, feels this good. Still, she tries to hold the excess noises back as he works his way down her spine, feeling each vertebra tense and uncoil with the movement of his hands. 

And then the work of unknotting her muscles begins, his fingers working as a fine toothed comb seeking out every tangle and working it loose. She cries out as his fingers dig below her shoulder blades, scooping away the sore muscles and setting them back in place raw but relaxed.

“Where did you even learn how to do this?” She mumbles into her arms, head feeling too heavy to turn more towards him.

A soft chuckle in response. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.”

His hands slip below her linen shift to glide along her ribs, pressing forward along her sides and nearly to her front. Her nipples are definitely responding now, both at the sensation and as she catches the meaning of his words. Surely he doesn’t intend this as some kind of seduction? 

But Guildford had made it perfectly clear he had no interest in holding her to any ‘marital obligations’, that he was only interested in her mind and not her body. And he had said himself that he was only doing this so they could actually get some work done. A traitorous part of her mind suggests that if he were trying to seduce her, he was doing an admirable job of it. She’s glad her arms and hair hide her blush from Guildford’s eyes.

In the privacy of her own thoughts she allows herself to imagine what would happen if Guildford were trying to seduce her. Where might he touch her next? The Guildford of reality had worked his way down to her lower back and was gently kneading the area around her spine through her shift. Perhaps he would convince her a massage there would be more effective without this barrier between them, ask her to remove her shift as he had her dress, leaving her fully naked beneath him? She determinedly ignores the fact he hadn’t actually asked her to remove her dress, and that nothing more than a few small touches had apparently turned her into some kind of brazen hussy. 

Though what would he do if she removed her shift now on her own? She had thought she might have seen something in his expression earlier when she had removed her dress, a darkness to his eyes that showed interest rather than mere surprise. But perhaps it was just wishful thinking, brought on by the strange arousal his touch was causing. Aside from perhaps a little excess of time spent combing out her hair, and the slightly indecorous touches below her shift, Guildford had been almost clinical in his technique thus far. But as Jane had so little experience with any kind of touch, everything took on a more sensual aspect to her long dormant nerves. To Guildford, however, this was probably just another Tuesday evening. 

The thought of it cools her imagination a little, and she tries to return herself to reality. Only to find that Guildford has made his way down to the base of her spine, pressing deep into the tissue just above the swell of her ass. She can feel herself tensing back up - both at the sensation and the location of his touch. 

And suddenly Guildford is no longer at her side.

But he’s merely shifting to straddle her thighs, not putting any of any real weight onto her, but she can feel his leather-clad knees press to her outer thighs. 

“This part might hurt a little,” he breathes out from above her.

And then a firm knuckle is digging in the nerve center of her right gluteal muscle, and she nearly cries out at the sharp sensation of it. But how ever much she tenses and twitches against the pressure he holds steady until her body starts to relax into it. It’s finally starting to feel nice and then he’s finding another nerve point and digging in.

He swats lightly at her opposite hip. “Stop tensing up.”

“I can’t help it,” she mumbles into her arms.

“Just relax.”

“If I could do that, we wouldn’t be in this position,” she reminds him. 

And accidentally reminds herself of the position they’re in - him practically on top of her with his hands on one of the more intimate parts of her. The sharp edge of pain and pleasurable release of tension all seem to read the same to her torrid mind. She can feel herself growing damp and aching between her thighs as he manhandles this newfound erogenous zone. Jane really hopes there’s no way he can sense this, even as she clenches her thighs more tightly together.

And of course this is a mistake, only enhancing the pressure coiling there. She tries to shift her legs again, attempting to find a position that will keep her from making a mess of her shift but also not add any friction against her overheated core. 

Apparently, Guildford notices the small movements. “Are your legs bothering you as well?”

Yes, she thinks, but not for the reasons he’s probably guessing. Still, she nods her head, hoping the shift down to a less sensitive part of her body will solve both her problems. 

Jane is rarely wrong, but in this case she is very much so. Even though Guildford is now down at her feet, slightly rough hands squeezing at her heels, it’s no easier to ignore the heat that spreads beneath her skin, pooling at her center and spiraling into an exquisite ache. The digging of his thumbs into the arch of one foot has her gasping at the way her nerves light up. She hisses a little as his calloused fingers circle her ankles, the skin there a little too delicate. He returns to her arches.

“Do you have anything to ease the way? Oil or something?” He offers, and she waves an arm vaguely in the direction of the water basin.

She feels the bed shift as he goes to retrieve it, the small bottle filled with her own mixture of oils. The scent of rosehip and rosemary fills the air and she knows he’s found the right one. She mainly uses the oil to soften her skin and repel the bugs that plague her herb garden, but the scent is also supposed to help with stress. Jane hopes it will calm her down a little. 

It doesn’t. The combination of the oils and the scent of warm leather and outside that cling to Guildford hits her full force as he returns to her bed. He once again moves to straddle her legs, and she finds herself strangely wishing he’d press more of his weight down on to her, curious at what it might feel like. But the long, smoothe glide of oiled hands up the back of her calves is distraction enough. She sighs at the relaxing feel of it even as the movement does nothing to soothe the ache between her thighs. Guildford spreads her legs slightly so that he can work at each calf individually, and she can feel an answering pulse of moisture as one of his own legs settles between them. With each slow stroke she can feel herself dripping against her shift, the agonizing tease of her mons pressing into the mattress and nipples tightening against the bedspread below. She wishes she had some excuse to slip a hand beneath her, to press into where she needs it the most. Or better yet, an excuse for Guildford’s own clever hands to press higher…

Jane gasps at the feeling of his slick hands at the back of her knees, working higher with each pass. He’s already turned both her calves to jelly and now he’s attempting to do the same at the base of her hamstrings. Her breathing goes a little unsteady as the hem of her shift is pushed up a mere few inches by the work of his hands, and she notices that Guildford doesn’t sound much better - though he is the one doing all the hard work, and she’s supposed to be relaxing. But a deep press of his hands into the backs of her thighs finally manages to grind her clit into the damp fabric of her shift and she shivers at the barely there pressure. Guildford, unaware of this, just keeps going, pressing higher and higher until his hands are under her shift and halfway up her thighs. Just a few more inches and he’d realize exactly what he was doing to her. She can feel herself rocking back into the pressure of his palms, and then down again against the not enough tease of the fabric below, but he doesn’t complain even though she knows she’s tensing up again and undoing all of his hard work. Each press brings more tension instead of releasing it, muscles wound tight and aching.

All it takes is one more long stroke of heated palms to just below the curve her ass and she’s shuddering against his hands, an unexpected syrupy heat spreading out along her nerves. 

Jane forces herself to still, not entirely sure what’s just happened. She’s not a complete novice - she knows what an orgasm is. But there wasn’t nearly enough stimulation for that to have happened. And this felt different - smaller, though still nice. Her muscles don’t completely relax after, as they would if she had truly climaxed, but they still feel tingly and pleasant. 

Jane realizes that Guildford has stilled too, hands still beneath her shift but no longer moving along the back of her thighs. Neither one of them makes any sort of move as her breathing slowly returns to normal, her body untensing now that Guildford is no longer applying any real pressure to her body. Eventually, his hands slip from beneath her hem.

“I'll get your arms next time,” his voice comes out more evenly than she expects her own might at just this moment.

Jane’s mind gets stuck on the idea of a next time, despite her lingering embarrassment and the regrettable loss of Guildford’s hands on her.

“Your turn now?” She offers, still half-blissed but feeling strangely energized. 

He chokes at the question. “I’m fine, and it’s too near dawn anyway, I should really…”

“We still have nearly an hour, don’t you want to…?” let her return the favor? At least try another cure? 

“Don’t want to cut it too close, we can try again tomorrow.”

And with that he abruptly sets out for the stables, not once looking back at her. Only the scent of rose and leather still lingering in his absence. 

However, the oil sparks her memory of another possible cure. Tomorrow morning they’ll try again. And if she works off a little of the lingering tension herself while he’s away all day, she’s certain he’ll never find out about it.

[madamepestilence]

H5N1: What to know before fear spreads

What is H5N1?

H5N1 is a 1996 strain of the Spanish or Avian Flu first detected in Chinese birds before spreading globally across various avian species. H5N1 is similar to H1N1, but spreads slower and has a much higher mortality rate.

H5N1 may also be referred to as Influenza A. The American Association of Bovine Practitioners has seen fit to rename H5N1 to Bovine Influenza A Virus, or BIAV, and are encouraging others to use the same terminology.

I would not be surprised if the colloquial name among the public becomes Bovine Flu or American Flu in the coming months, and may be referred to as the Chinese Flu by the same folks who took the spark of the SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19) pandemic as an excuse to be publicly racist to East Asian people without social repercussions.

BIAV is a virus, meaning that it is a (probably) non-living packet of self-replicating infectious material with a high rate of mutation. BIAV is structured similarly to SARS-CoV-2, having a packet of infectious material encased in a spherical shell with a corona, or crown, of proteins that can latch to living cells to inject RNA.

Image source with interactive model: ViralZone - H5N1 subtype

What is the history of BIAV?

In 1996 and 1997, an outbreak of BIAV occurred among poultry and infected 18 people in Hong Kong, 6 of which died. This seemingly isolated incident then infected ~860 people with a >50% death rate.

At the time, BIAV was known as Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza, or HPAI, and killed nearly 100% of chickens within a 48 hour period.

From 2003 to 2005, continual outbreaks occurred in China and other East Asian countries, before spreading to Cambodia, the Netherlands, Thailand, and Vietnam.

From 2014 to 2016, it began being detected in American fowl, as well as mutating the H5N6 (lethal in birds, no human to human transmission) and H5N8 (largely spread through turkeys, ducks had immunity) viruses.

BIAV has since evolved into a clade known as 2.3.4.4b, and was first detected in 2021 in wild American birds. This then caused outbreaks in 2022 among wild and domesticated birds (such as chickens) alike, but was largely being overshadowed by the pressing SARS-CoV-2 pandemic at the time.

From 2022 to 2023, it was observed to be spreading among various mammals, including humans. Now, in 2024, we're having the most concerning rapid outbreak of BIAV since 2003.

BIAV is known to spread from mammal to mammal, particularly between cows and humans. BIAV may also be spread from cow to cow (highly likely, but not confirmed - this is likely the reason the virus has spread to Idaho from Texan cattle), and is known to be lethal to domestic cats and birds within 48 hours.

How does BIAV spread?

BIAV spreads through fomites - direct contact with infected animals or infected surfaces and then touching parts of your face or other orifices - as well as through airborne particulates, which may be inhaled and enter the sinuses and lungs.

BIAV is known to spread through:

Asymptomatic Ducks, geese, swans, various shorebirds

Symptomatic, may be lethal Foxes, bears, seals, sea lions, polar bears, domestic cats, dogs, minks, goats, cows, (potentially human to human, but unconfirmed - there have only been 8 potential human to human cases in 2024).

How can I protect against BIAV?

As BIAV is a type of Influenza A, existing protocols should do fine.

Current recommendations are to wash your hands vigorously after interacting with birds (I would also recommend doing this with mammals), avoid touching your face or other open orifices, and wear N95 masks.

Avoid sick or dead animals entirely - I would also recommend reporting them to your local Animal Control or veterinary centre and warning them about the infection risk. People who work with animals are recommended to also wear full PPE such as N95 masks, eye protection, gloves, and partake in vigorous hand washing.

If you suspect you've caught BIAV, seek medical attention immediately. Existing medications such as oseltamivir phosphate, zanamivir, peramivir, and baloxavir marboxil can reduce BIAV's ability to replicate.

Standard flu shots will not protect against BIAV. Remember - symptoms of BIAV may not manifest for between 2 to 8 days, and potentially infected people should be monitored for at least 10 days.

How far has BIAV spread?

BIAV is currently a global virus, though the current infection location of note is the United States.

Image Key: Dark red - Countries with humans, poultry and wild birds killed by H5N1 Deep red - Countries with poultry or wild birds killed by H5N1 and has reported human cases of H5N1 Light red - Countries with poultry or wild birds killed by H5N1

Image source: Wikipedia - Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 - File: Global spread of H5N1 map

Image source: Metro.co.uk - Map shows where bird flu is spreading in US amid new warning - File: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s H5N1 bird flu detections map across the United States

Should I be afraid?

You needn't be afraid, just prepared. BIAV has a concerningly high lethality, but this ironically culls its spread somewhat.

In the event human to human transmission of BIAV is confirmed, this will likely mainly affect marginalized communities, poor people, and homeless people, who are likely to have less access to medical care, and a higher likelihood of working in jobs that require frequent close human contact, such as fast food or retail jobs.

Given the response to SARS-CoV-2, corporations - and probably the government - may shove a proper response under the rug and refuse to participate in a full quarantine, which may leave people forced to go to work in dangerous conditions.

If this does spread into an epidemic or pandemic, given our extensive knowledge about Influenza, and the US having a backup vaccine for a prior strain of H5N1, a vaccine should be able to be developed relatively quickly and would hopefully be deployed freely without charge - we won't have to worry about a situation like The Stand.

Wash your hands, keep clean, avoid large social gatherings where possible, wear an N95 mask if you can afford them (Remember: Cloth masks are the least protective, but are better than nothing. If you can't afford N95 masks, I recommend wearing a well-fitted cloth mask with a disposable face mask over it to prevent pneumonia from moisture buildup in the disposable mask), support the disabled, poor, and homeless, and stay educated.

We can do better this time.

Further things to check out:

YouTube: MedCram - H5N1 Cattle Outbreak: Background and Currently Known Facts (ft. Roger Seheult, M.D.)

Wikipedia - Influenza A virus subtype H5N1

Maine.gov - Avian Influenza and People

CDC.gov - Technical Report: Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza A(H5N1) Viruses

Wikipedia - H5N1 genetic structure

realagriculture - Influenza infection in cattle gets new name: Bovine Influenza A Virus (BIAV)

[ocean-sunfish-hater]

A shallowish dive into some pits.

The pit organ of a viper is what is responsible for its ability to detect body heat via infrared (IR) light. Whilst IR detection has evolved multiple times in snakes, the pit organ is far and away the most sensitive and specialised of the bunch. The snake is able to detect thermal differences of just 0.003C, which is wild, because some of the best available cryogenic IR sensors that we've made are apparently sensitive to differences of around 0.01C (although I don't know much about thermal imaging so please someone correct me if I'm wrong).

The receptor that is found in the pit organ is known as TRPA1 (it stands for something technical and boring, cellular biology has never been my jam), and it's expressed in incredibly high amounts in the Trigeminal Ganglion of snakes, which is the main nerve that connects to the face.

ID: A close up image of the face of a rattlesnake. Its scales are a mixture of brown and yellow tones. It looks cool.

Some people theorise that the pit organ didn't initially evolve for hunting, but rather predator detection and thermoregulation. Studies of pit vipers and true vipers have found that pit vipers were much better at finding spots to warm up in than their non-pitty relatives. So the pit organ might have evolved for a more general use rather than the predatory one we first thought.

But you know what's interesting? In mammals, TRPA1 is actually cold receptor, as well as one that's responsible for itching. What's more, it's commonly known as the wasabi receptor, because that's what the chemicals in wasabi bind to to give us that characteristic kick. I guess its link to our trigeminal nerve is why it gets us when it's in our face but not really anywhere else, unlike the spice you find in chillis.

ID: An image of an Australian Black Rock Scorpion sat upon some light coloured wood. The scorpion is dark brown in colour with lighter coloured legs. Both its sting and claws are somewhat raised.

ALSO, I just found this out as I was doing a bit more research, but since TRPA1 is also a receptor involved in sensing pain, it's a target for a toxin called the Wasabi Toxin, produced by the Australian Black Rock Scorpion. The toxin forces the channel open, making the affected area hypersensitive to heat and touch, but doesn't make it swell up.

Anyway, this was a bit more of a ramble than my usual posts, I just thought it was interesting how this one receptor is linked to so many different things, and how it's used in such a variety of ways.

[wordy-little-witch]

Silly incorrect quotes bc I am a trash mammal and I need serotonin, Cross Guild Poly with queen platonic Shuggy

Mihawk: hm.

Buggy: hm? What's up, Hawky?

Mihawk: it's nothing. Merely pricked my finger on a thorn

Buggy, setting aside his book: oh! Here- *he pulls out a handkerchief, knotted to a line of others, and cleans the hand and applies a bandaid* and the finishing touch! *he kisses the bandage*

Mihawk: .... why did you do that?

Buggy, smiling faintly: just something captain, Rayleigh and their wife used to do for Shanks 'n I as wee lads. Kisses make booboos better, Mama Rouge used to say. A-anyway, sorry, just... didn't think.

Things go quiet for a time before they part ways. Later on...

Mihawk: Crocodile, I require your assistance

Crocodile: I already told you I will not give you an extension on your eyeliner budget-

Mihawk: no, punch me in the face

Crocodile:

Mihawk: lips, preferably.

Crocodile:

Mihawk:

Crocodile: why do I always fall for the batshit ones-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, half drunk: -and it's really a wild thing to insinuate that he wasn't a progressive novelist in the first place! It's like comparing peaches to pomegranates! Both are good, but they're only tangentially related and you HAVE to take the situation into account, and this motherfucker has the audacity to tell me I'm trying to "make everything needlessly gay" like SIR WHAT THE FRESH FUCK-?

Crocodile: What is he even talking about.

Mihawk, nursing his third glass of wine, face mask and robe in place: the homoerotic subtext between two fictional characters in a fantasy novel from well over thirty years ago.

Crocodile: why haven't you shut him up then

Mihawk, sipping elegantly: because he's right and should say it. I ship Bagginshield too.

Crocodile, exhausted by his nerds: I know several languages and this is none of them.

Buggy: AND ANOTHER THING-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks, still on the Oro: oh my gosh do you like like Buggy??

Mihawk, sitting next to him in bandages following his most recent challenge to Rayleigh: what? Do not be ridiculous. I merely find him appropriate company. It is not as if I find my thoughts plagued by him in the night.

Several hours later...

Mihawk, wide awake in his hammock, circus music and flashes of blue and blobs of red playing in his head: .... oh son of a-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile, staring into the camera like in the office: if I had a nickel for every time I found myself enamored by an idiot, I'd have three nickels. It isn't a lot, but it would go towards my therapy bills. Something must be wrong with me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile : What are you writing?

Mihawk: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

Buggy, looking over Mihawk's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club.

Buggy: What club?

Crocodile : The hating Buggy club.

Buggy: …The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

Crocodile:

Mihawk:

Buggy:

Crocodile: why would you-

Mihawk: the forbidden gumball

Crocodile: NO

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.

Mihawk: Unless you're home alone.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: Hoodie pockets are so great. I can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, dressed like a sexy nun: Forgive me Father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned.

Mihawk, sighing as he pinches the bridge of his nose: why do I attempt anything with you

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile : Mihawk, my old friend!

Mihawk: I think you tried to kill me at some point.

Crocodile : That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: Happy Scorpio season. If you have to burn a bridge, do it safely!

Buggy: With NAPALM.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: *slams books down in front of Crocodile*

Buggy: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Crocodile: You could have said literally anything else.

Buggy: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Crocodile: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, pulling up with heart shaped sunglasses: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: *yawns*

Buggy: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Mihawk: Then you must be exhuasted.

Crocodile: Will you two shut up? Some of us are running a multilevel marketing scheme - I mean. A business.

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Mihawk, winedrunk off his ass: You want to know why people are so afraid of clowns? Well you know what people say about how their feet aren't the only thing that's big? And how people who drive really big cars have small dicks? Well clowns are out there with their big feet and tiny cars...

Crocodile: oh by the Seas you have a point. The Fool could be packing some serious business in that suspiciously large and baggy pillowcase. We must look into this further.

Mihawk: yes of course. We must know thy enemy.

Crocodile: indeed. And furthermore we must know what secrets and strengths the Guild may leverage. This is for the company, truly.

Alvida, who just wanted to eat her salad in peace:

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head?

Crocodile : It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

Mihawk: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air*

Buggy: *shoots it*

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Buggy: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée". Gyahahahaha-

Mihawk+Crocodile, internally: gods he is so stupid. I need him carnally

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Buggy: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!

Buggy: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!

Mihawk: Buggy just threw a tantrum about a chair.

Mihawk: I just won Buggy Tantrum Bingo.

Crocodile: fuck I was so close...

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Crocodile : I baked you a pie!

Buggy: Really?! What flavor?

Crocodile: *pulls itemize bill out of the pie* DEBT!!!

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Mihawk: While you were caught up in your heterosexuality, I studied the way of the blade!

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Buggy: I am not a whore, and, not that I’ve done the math, but, if I were, I’d be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.

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Crocodile : I'm not creepy.

Crocodile : I'm petty.

Crocodile : There's a difference, ya' know.

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Shanks: Do you guys hear something?

Buggy: I hear the sound of you shutting the fuck up.

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Buggy: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Shanks: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Buggy: But you’re always acting stupid?

Shanks: ...

Shanks: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

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Buggy, turning to Shanks: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

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Buggy: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.

Shanks: You and me!

Buggy: *tearing up* Ok.

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Shanks: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

Buggy: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

Shanks: I like the way you think.

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Buggy: I want to kiss you.

Shanks, not paying attention: What?

Buggy: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

[goldensunset]

genuinely is there a writing reason for n to still dislike poke balls after bw1. like to him, they were a symbol of trainer's abuse towards their pokemon, but actually that's wrong and trainers get along very well with their pokemon so the poke balls shouldn't be a factor anymore right?? i think you said before too and i think the same thing, poke balls are just a safety mechanism so your 5 billion degree scorching hot magcargo isnt just wandering the streets melting the sidewalk

spinoffs might not be canon but there are regions where poke balls aren't used At All in the ranger series, and they're not inherently better or worse than mainline regions for it. cannot understand why he insists its all still going to be better if we Just get rid of poke balls

right like… i don’t fully get it. i mean i guess people might still have their opinions and preferences and it might just not Feel right to him, even if it isn’t like actually harmful. n doesn’t seem like he necessarily cares about human infrastructure he seems like he’d gladly let his magcargo torch the sidewalk and if you can’t accept it for what it is you shouldn’t be its partner but like lol idk

i guess like pla kinda touches on that too how some of the clan members thought of it as a disgrace to keep them contained but afterwards were like ‘i see. this is simply how you choose to relate to your pokémon’. like it’s just a matter of personal choice and relationships like there’s no one size fits all solution. they come to realize that

like i think of em kinda like dog leashes the dog obeys and could get off the leash or jump the fence etc if it really wanted to but it knows this makes its human feel safer and more secure

see like to oppose the use of pokéballs is not necessarily to say you think animals should run free and cause mayhem, but rather it could just be saying that it’s tragic that this is the current working relationship and that in an ideal world you’d be able to trust your dog to not maul another dog or tear up the sofa etc. sounds kinda like him saying ‘skill issue as a trainer. get better at getting them to love and trust and listen to you’. yeah look that’s easier for some people than others. easier for some species of pokémon than others. no matter how much your molten rock pokémon loves and trusts you it is still made of molten rock. do you want it to stop being made of molten rock

see like that mindset is kinda ironic to me bc i would argue that’s actually even more misguided and harmful in a way. to say that one day we’ll be able to overwrite a wild living being’s nature and get it to willingly behave for us? to force it into a certain box of behavior? or to say that we should let them do whatever they want and who cares about humans in this situation. neither extreme is ok

quite honestly the ideal world in which humans and pokémon coexist IS the one with pokéballs. where they consensually stay even if they’d rather be outside em because they love and trust their humans and value the relationship. social contract theory. we give up things we like for a greater good. dogs let themselves be domesticated they could kill us but they don’t bc we do nice things for them

tldr. i think n still has some learning to do about the world lol. well-meaning yet still ignorant in a way. also he has a massive advantage with his empath powers like dude check your privilege of course you can keep your nice tame baby mammal under control but what about the muk owners

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

Oooooh here we go. We have the cetacean “experts” joining in to justify the bad handling of Moo Deng and discrediting me/shooting the messenger because I support responsible cetacean management. Because everyone just made up their mind that you can’t give dolphins the habitat they need because “it’s not the ocean.”

But it’s apparently totally okay to give other species substandard habitats. I guess Moo Deng doesn’t really NEED to live in a jungle. Concrete is fine for her :)

Now we do know that dolphins can thrive in human care and “suffering all the time” isn’t actually the case (at least, not from this generalisation basis there can absolutely be poor welfare in bad facilities) and basically any time anyone mentions the word SeaWorld everyone loses the ability to critically think.

You know what we never do with cetaceans? Grab at and harass their babies for clout. The only time we ever interact with the calf in those early days is to check their health parameters. And it is always with active participation and consent.

It’s important that we make sure the calf is doing well, especially in those critical early days where the calf is so vulnerable. So, with positive reinforcement, we teach the mother to bring over her calf voluntarily and do a very gentle restraint to collect samples.

This is the only time we’re touching the calf. And not every facility does this either, some will stay completely hands off besides feeding the mother.

But this is how you do safe, respectful and stress free animal husbandry, actually using desensitisation and conditioning positive emotional responses to being handled:

When watching this video, keep in mind that restraining a dolphin physically with only a few people is almost impossible. This dolphin is staying with her carers because she trusts them and she has a relationship with them.

I know this dolphin and the people in this video. It’s an incredible thing to see cooperative care like this in action.

Commentary and tags like the one above goes to show how the “trust the keeper” argument is only for selective species that are being used for clout.

But trust the people who work with dolphins or orcas? Trust the people that work in dolphin welfare and who actively work to measure and improve it? No, because everyone and their dog are apparently cetacean welfare experts because they regurgitate Blackfish or the talking points of a handful of lobbyists parading as scientists.

And they’ll even use violent wording and thinly veiled death threats against keepers, justifying it with this idea that they want to “liberate” animals that they don’t have any idea about caring for.

Anyway here’s a bunch of research on dolphin welfare that supports positive welfare states in human care :)

• There are no scientific studies suggesting that dolphins in marine mammal facilities are more prone to disease than dolphins in the wild. In fact, peer-reviewed scientific studies have shown that the immune systems of wild dolphins are much more challenged than the immune systems of dolphins in human care (refs 1-2)

• Similarly, there are no scientific studies suggesting that dolphins in marine mammal facilities are any more stressed than dolphins in the wild. On the contrary, studies have shown that cortisol levels (i.e., the “stress hormone”) of dolphins in marine mammal facilities are either very similar to, or lower than, cortisol levels of wild dolphins, depending on the technique used to obtain the samples (See review in ref 3).

• Bottlenose dolphins in U.S facilities are living as long or longer than their wild counterparts (ref 4)

• Average life expectancy from 2001-2015 was 41.6 years in SeaWorld orcas, showing significant improvements in veterinary care and welfare (ref 5)

• Aggression and agonistic behaviour made up 1-2% of observed behaviours in orcas at Loro Parque, debunking claims of hyper aggression and chronic stress from supposed poor social structures. (ref 6)

(1) Ruiz, C. L., Nollens, H. H., Venn-Watson, S., Green, L. G., Wells, R. S., Walsh, M. T., ... & Jacobson, E. R. (2009). Baseline circulating immunoglobulin G levels in managed collection and free-ranging bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). Developmental & Comparative Immunology, 33(4), 449-455.

(2) Fair, P. A., Schaefer, A. M., Houser, D. S., Bossart, G. D., Romano, T. A., Champagne, C. D., ... & Reif, J. S. (2017). The environment as a driver of immune and endocrine responses in dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). PLoS ONE, 12(5), e0176202.

(3) Proie, S. (2013). A systematic review of cortisol levels in wild and captive Atlantic bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus), killer whale, (Orcinus orca), and beluga whale (Delphinapterus leucas). MA Thesis, Evergreen State College.

(4) Jaakkola, K., & Willis, K. (2019). How long do dolphins live? Survival rates and life expectancies for bottlenose dolphins in zoological facilities vs. wild populations. Marine Mammal Science.

(5) Robeck, T. R., Willis, K., Scarpuzzi, M. R., & O’Brien, J. K. (2015). Comparisons of Life-History Parameters between Free-Ranging and Captive Killer Whale (Orcinus orca) Populations for Application Toward Species Management. Journal of Mammalogy, 96(5), 1055–1070. http://doi.org/ 10.1093/jmammal/gyv113

(6) Sánchez-Hernández, P., Krasheninnikova, A., Almunia, J., & Molina-Borja, M. (2019). Social interaction analysis in captive orcas ( Orcinus orca ) . Zoo Biology, (April), 1–11. http://doi.org/ 10.1002/zoo.21502

Positive behavioural states are demonstrated in cetaceans in human care: Peer-reviewed scientific studies show that:

• Dolphins show anticipatory behaviors before sessions of interacting with their trainers (with no food involvement). This shows they view the interactions themselves as positive. (ref 1)

• An increase in dolphin behavioral diversity and play behavior following interactive programs suggest that such programs are in fact enriching for the dolphins and add to their psychological well-being (refs 2-3).

• Dolphins observed swimming in sync with each other at zoological facilities displayed optimistic judgements in optimistic bias tests, indicating positive welfare. (ref 4)

• When given the choice, dolphins in one study showed a preference for being in a smaller pool, despite having access to larger pools, indicating that size of pool may not be influencing dolphin movement preferences. (ref 5)

(1) Clegg, I. L., Rödel, H. G., Boivin, X., & Delfour, F. (2018). Looking forward to interacting with their caretakers: dolphins’ anticipatory behaviour indicates motivation to participate in specific events. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 202, 85-93.

(2) Miller, L. J., Mellen, J., Greer, T., & Kuczaj, S. A. (2011). The effects of education programmes on Atlantic bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus) behaviour. Animal Welfare, 20, 159-172.

(3) Trone, M., Kuczaj, S., & Solangi, M. (2005). Does participation in Dolphin–Human Interaction Programs affect bottlenose dolphin behaviour? Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 93, 363-374.

(4) Clegg, I. L., Rödel, H. G., & Delfour, F. (2017). Bottlenose dolphins engaging in more social affiliative behaviour judge ambiguous cues more optimistically. Behavioural brain research, 322, 115-122.

(5) Melissa R. Shyan , David Merritt, N. M., & Kohlmeier, K. B. & J. T. (2010). Effects of Pool Size on Free- Choice Selections by Atlantic Bottlenosed Dolphins at One Zoo Facility. Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science, 5(3), 203–213. http://doi.org/10.1207/S15327604JAWS0503

Note how this is a body of evidence from multiple sources that are being developed and complied over time. That is what science is all about.

Anyone who tells you that the science is finalised on something eg. Lori Marino and Naomi Rose insisting that the science is settled on cetacean welfare being inherently bad in human care - be very very skeptical of them. They are trying to sell you ideology over science (and they’d love for you to donate your money to their sanctuary that hasn’t passed any approval to build for 5 years)

The science is rarely “settled” on anything.

As for SeaWorld themselves, they have not published enough welfare data for us to discuss. But their animals do show signs of positive welfare states including active participation in health care and training, engagement with enrichment, ability to learn and adapt (stressed animals can’t learn complex behaviours and won’t participate in sessions), stable social structures with occasional conflict ect.

[orcinus-veterinarius]

The Orchive

Get it? Orchive? Orca?

Below is a master list of (mostly) my original posts that address frequently asked questions! This is a living document and may not be comprehensive. I also utilize an extensive tagging system!

Some of these answers are older. Feel free to ask a question again, and I’ll let you know if my thoughts have grown at all.

Please note that some topics contain multiple links, so look carefully!

Zoos & Aquariums (General)

How do I know if a zoo is ethical?

Stereotypical behaviors

Unethical animal sanctuaries

Why are so many zoos "for-profit"?

Elephants in zoos

Zoos & Aquariums (Specific)

The Beluga Whale Sanctuary

Clearwater Marine Aquarium

The National Aquarium

Disney's Animal Kingdom

Greensboro Science Center

SEA LIFE aquariums

Gulfarium Marine Adventure Park

Brookfield Zoo

Dolphin Quest (and Dolphin Connection)

SOS Dolfijn

Killer Whales & SeaWorld

Why I'm "pro captivity"

Is SeaWorld AZA accredited?

What about Blackfish?

How SeaWorld helps animals

SeaWorld's marine rescue program

Why is public sentiment against SeaWorld?

Why do orcas' dorsal fins collapse in human care?

Should whales and dolphins have larger tanks?

SeaWorld's killer whale breeding program

Life expectancy of SeaWorld's killer whales

Should SeaWorld have ended their breeding program?

Why did SeaWorld use artificial insemination?

Are killer whales "too smart" to be in captivity?

Why does SeaWorld teach their orcas to do "circus tricks"?

Keiko (Free Willy)

Tilikum

Tokitae

Morgan

Dawn Brancheau

Toa & Ingrid Visser

Kiska & Marineland Canada

Killer Whale Ecotypes

Should Tokitae move to SeaWorld?

Why are those orcas attacking boats?

How do whales sleep?

Other Cetaceans

What's it really like for a whale or dolphin in an aquarium?

Aren't scientists against cetacean captivity?

What are some sources supporting cetaceans in human care?

What do we learn from having cetaceans in aquariums?

Do dolphins do well in captivity?

Don't wild dolphins swim hundreds of miles a day?

How long do dolphins live in captivity?

Swim-with-dolphins Programs

Dolphin shows

Wild dolphin tours

Do dolphins enjoy being touched?

US Navy Marine Mammal Program

Hvladimir the "Russian Spy Whale"

Indoor vs Outdoor marine mammal habitats

Why reproduction is important to cetacean welfare

Opposing the SWIMS Act

Cetacean ultrasounds

Why sea pens aren't the perfect solution

How come we can't just free the dolphins?

Are dolphins still captured from the wild?

Pets

Adopt don't shop?

Vet Medicine & Vet School

Zoo opportunities for vet techs

Client abuse

Animal Rights vs Animal Welfare

Veal crates

Dairy hutches

Dissections

Animal rights groups spread misinformation

Why don't you support the Humane Society of the United States?

Do you support the ASPCA?

Trophy hunting

Other

Commercial fisheries

Shark finning

Red wolves

Fun facts about eels