#do i need to worry about my mental health?

[whorrorbvby]

an update:

hey friends a lot of people have been asking where ive been on other socials and im sorry for being m.i.a and ignoring everyone’s worries. im not getting into it right now and i dont know if i want to talk about the details publicly. 

i deleted tumblr from my phone about two and a half weeks ago and ive had a friend keeping a queue going on main for me. it might be that way permanently now i don’t know. I don’t know that I want to come back to tumblr if im being honest. a lot of things happened and i just can’t handle seeing certain people anymore so i’ve been hanging out on two of the more safer socials where tumblr people people generally leave me alone. not that im upset with you any of you or anything it’s more of a personal relationship and it just turned me off of basically everything and i just can’t handle a lot right now.  

i didn’t want to stop posting my own content for obvious reasons but i really can’t bring myself to come back it’s too hard and my heart can’t handle it right now. i also haven’t taken any new photos or anything and as of right now i don’t really feel super comfortable in sharing my body in that way. situations have made me feel disgusting as a person and i can’t look at myself. im trying to post more on ig to boost myself back up but i don’t know my self image is kind of ruined now. plus i’ve lost 15lbs from stress and inability to eat because of it and with how many people already harass and bully me for how scrawny i am i don’t want to subject myself in my current mental state to even the possibility of anyone saying anything. 

but like i said i have a friend running main for me and i might have them run this account too and my pepper page just because i do want to go back to making content i just dont know if i can handle posting or being in certain spaces right now. 

on top of what im currently dealing with in my personal life this is just a really hard time for me in general because of the holiday season and close to the anniversary of my best friends death so i tend to shut down a little anyway it’s just my entire world came crashing down again and im honestly starting to give up on even existing. i know im being melodramatic and i need to suck it up and just go back to status quo it’s just really hard this time and i cant force myself into a positive headspace like i used to even for a second. i have honestly never felt this empty and i barely know who i am or what my worth is anymore. 

i dont know if i’ll turn my asks back on. my friend offered to answer anything for me but its better for my mental health if i dont because i know people will ask questions and i dont trust myself to not completely go off on a tangent. im sorry i know im rambling but i feel like a proper update with zero room for misunderstanding is needed and i dont want to sugarcoat or lie to any of you to make myself seem or feel better cuz i respect the hell out of you guys and you deserve honesty if for nothing else. and i appreciate so fucking much you all continuing to support me and hype me up through all the bullshit life keeps throwing at me. 

im mostly on ig and threads right now and on threads im talking about games and movies with new people im meeting and it’s been really helping through shit. if you follow me on snap you saw me say im thinking about deleting everything. my accounts are still up and as long as my friend still wants to help me out i’ll at least have a queue running on main but i’ve deleted every social app other than ig and threads. i wholeheartedly planned on deleting snap last night but it’s the only way some of you get any updates from me so for now i wont delete it but i might make a new one instead just to get away from situations that are bringing me down. we’ll see. if I make a new snap i’ll post it everywhere n put it in my bios. that being said i don’t have a private/nsfw snap and i wont make one im sorry. i still wont sell content outside of what i post on peppers and i wont do customs im sorry. maybe in the future but right now i need to focus on myself and getting out of this headspace before i do anything else. 

but truly thank you for sticking with me and just genuinely being the best crew around. i promise to try my best to get out of this mess of a headspace im in as quickly as possible and im really sorry for basically abandoning everything again but i really am hopeful for the future and just trying to focus on myself and my happiness at the moment 🙏🏻🧡

[literaticat]

It took me a while to stop crying and resolve to help people who will be targeted (starting 1/20/25). I am also trying to reconnect to even a scrap of joy, by tiptoeing back into writing. But...I keep analyzing my WIPs through the lens of how That Guy will be making half the country feel, wondering, "Is X funny enough? Is Y topic too serious?" Help?! Is it worth writing/querying anything that's not totally escapist? Are there genres that should just stay in a drawer right now?

No need to wait until January to help people! :-)

As to the writing piece: I think you are overthinking it. And hey, I get that! Half the country is still somewhat in "reeling mode", it hasn't even been a month, no need to make any huge decisions or change the course of your writing life or fret about queries that you aren't ready to send anyway right this second. Give yourself some grace. Do some deep breathing.

Nobody knows what the future will bring.

Hey, maybe people will want to read more than they ever have and publishing will thrive across all genres. Maybe there will be an unforeseen trend of books about cowboys in space or something that will make a genre flourish that we haven't ever even thought of before!

Or, maybe the tarriffs will eff publishing up so badly we won't need to worry about ANY genres anymore. Maybe he'll sell us all to Daddy Vladdy for a nickel or start Civil War II and we'll all have to become resistance fighters. (Or, maybe we'll get lucky and the meteor will come; that might be better, because I don't have much to offer in the way of actual resistance fighting unless the troops need children's books or cookies!)

But since none of those lines of thinking are particularly helpful or healthy, maybe let's not focus on speculating about all the random possible scenarios. It's too much! Your brain will break!

Here's what is within your purview: YOUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD. That includes your work, yes, but also your home, your family, your personal behavior and habits, your physical and mental health, and the well-being of your communities (both literal, like, the people who live near you, and figurative, the people near you or even across the country or the globe with whom you have shared values, etc)

I'm not an expert obvs, but I do feel like, when I stop "reeling" and thinking about whatever bizzaro outrage some politician is perpetrating and start thinking about what tangible things I can do to help support MY LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD, I feel a lot better. More useful.

(Like, how about instead of doomscrolling, I actually take that time and put my impotent rage to use pulling out the dying tomato plants and getting the yard ready for winter? How about instead of crying into my pillow, I gather a bunch of stuff to donate to a local charity? OH LOOK, I FORGOT ABOUT THE NEWS FOR A WHILE AND GOT THINGS DONE AND MADE MY CORNER OF THE WORLD BETTER! And now I'm tired and can take a nice shower and watch something silly on TV and go to sleep! Yay!)

What I'm saying is, AFTER you do the deep breathing and give yourself grace and all that stuff -- maybe DON'T think about your WIPS through the lens of "OMG what horror show is that freak in the white house doing" or "what will random terrible people think about what I'm doing" -- but rather, think, how do *I* feel about what I'm doing?

We have limited time on this earth -- do you WANT to spend your time on this? Will working on this bring you joy? Does the idea of writing it excite you? Will it reading it bring other people in your communities joy, or hope, or escapism, or important information, or inspiration, or *something else positive*? Those are the kinds of projects you should focus on, imo.

Obviously I have no clue what "Trends" will be coming up in the future, or what the publishing landscape or the world will look like at all -- but I DO SUSPECT that what we will need the most is books that bring something positive to the table. Whether that means a book full of pure delight/escapist entertainment, or reminders about what is beautiful in the world and special about humanity, or tools to help people enact change, or fuel for the next generation of rebels and resistance fighters, or whatever it is.

And, I think that "something positive" could come in the form of fiction, nonfiction, and pretty much ANY genre or category.

(Probably not a great time for extremely bleak / hopeless books, and certainly not a great time for books that you yourself are not passionate about. Writing and publishing is hard enough - don't do the projects that are a misery on top of all that!)

[captain039]

PART 3 Heal your hurt

Viktor x reader

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, angst, health issues, mental health issues, light swearing, chubby reader, intimacy, smut, friends to lovers, reader has chronic pain, idiots in love

Previous part <-

After Viktor's leg massage a few nights ago you haven’t been able to get him off your mind. You heat up at every thought of him, cheeks going red no doubt. His hands felt so nice against your aching legs, practised hands moving with grace. Your mind wanders to more inappropriate images, these same hands slipping under a waistband skill full finger-

“You’re going to over fill the sink” you jolt and turn of the taps quickly the bubbles high and the water almost overflowing. Get a grip! You curse yourself silently lift the plug slightly to drain some water before you begin to wash the dishes with a little bit of aggression.

“You are distracted, lately” Viktor comments from his spot in the small kitchen.

“I’m fine” you cover up quickly.

“You’re not in any pain today, are you?” He asks and you can hear the furrow of his brow.

“No” you shake your head, today was a good day, so far, only the persistent dull ache you always had in your hips and back. It was a downpour outside, a thunderstorm rolling over, Viktor didn’t want to ruin any notes rushing to the lab in the rain, so he stayed home.

“What distracts you then?” He asks and you wonder when he became this worried and interested in your wellbeing. You think about the last few years, quiet and reserved, as he always had been, he respected your space, and you respected his, you weren’t really friends, not like you were in childhood, just acquaintances, living separate lives in the same home. You sagged a bit, you and Viktor were close as children, he’d always have some new invention or toy to show you and tell you about and you’d listen eagerly with wonder. Then your teens hit, and that seemed to go downhill from there, you were struggling with the growing pains and being in the under city there was no real access to medical care, your mother knew a healer, but she just said that children change and grow and that is what you were doing. When your father got promoted and you moved to the upper city when it was all well and less divided, you had access to a little bit of medical help but still nothing. You forced yourself to work despite the agonising nights of not being able to move after them, you made the medical officers look at you again properly and they finally found something not right. You never saw Viktor again, till three years ago. A re-kindled flam you suppose. You thought he wouldn’t recognise you; you look very different from when you were a kid, but he knew, just like you knew it was him.

You’d finish the dishes lost in thought and Viktor hadn’t pressed the question.

“We need more food” you comment glancing outside to the down pour.

“The markets will be shut in this weather, you’ll catch a cold too” Viktor answers and you sigh knowing he’s right so you go to your room, pick up a book and sit in your reading chair by your bedroom window. The day passes slowly you fell asleep during your reading a gentle hand on your shoulder shaking you awake. You groan a bit at the awkward angle of your neck and sit up seeing Viktor a little too close. Your book is on the side of the table and you have a blanket over you.

“The rain has stopped” he says and you nod rubbing your neck a bit as he shuffled back.

“I would’ve let you sleep longer, but your neck looked uncomfortable” he comments and he’s right your neck hurts now. It’s still grey outside but there’s life outside on the streets, no doubt the markets have opened back up.

“I’ll grab my coat and head to the markets” you say stretching and yawning.

“I will join you” Viktor says surprising you.

“It’s a lot of walking, Viktor” you say and he waves you off.

Viktor walks beside you as you go from stall to stall grabbing produce as you need. Some people recognise Viktor and greet him which he greets back quietly too. It’s a little funny watching him tense up with embarrassment at the recognition he receives.

“Are you ok?” You ask as he slows down but you realise he’s looking in a shop, an inventors shop.

“Did you wanna have a look?” You tilt your head and you see his cheeks redden slightly before he nods. You smile a bit and follow him inside. The shop owner has a collection of contraptions from toys to everyday gadgets to some strange things you’ve never even seen. His eyes are slightly wide before they narrow on each thing he inspects, you find it cute the way he calculates how it works studying it before putting it back and moving onto the next item.

“Welcome in” the shop owner grins at you.

“Hi” you turn and greet while Viktor is too busy studying another gadget.

“I’ll be damned” The shop owner laughs softly.

“The great inventor, Viktor” you looked to Viktor seeing him tense and place the gadget he was holding down to turn to the shop keeper.

“It’s honour to have you in my shop” he smiles.

“You have many interesting inventions” Viktor says scanning over them again.

“Not as interesting as yours I imagine but they keep busy” the shop keeper grins.

“They’re still interesting” Viktor comments his eyes falling on you. You tilt your head at him as he study’s you for a moment before looking back to the shop keeper.

“It was nice to see your inventions” Viktor says and you figure he’s ready to go.

“Have a good day” you smile at the shop keeper and head out.

“Do you want to head home?” You ask.

“You still need to get bread, yes?” He asks.

“I don’t wanna push you” you mutter softly.

“Let us get bread then” he brushes you off again. You figure he would do that, you did it back to him, he’s had this condition since he was a child, probably born with it, he knows how to handle it. You’re worried nonetheless the whole way to the bread maker and back to your apartment, Viktor slows in his walk and you match his pace as you walk home. Once home Viktor sits down which you’re thankful for as you unpack the food. It’s dinner time already so you make a simple soup and serve it with the fresh bread you bought on the table.

“Thank you for joining me” you say softly as you both eat.

“You are welcome” Viktor says. You notice how his braced leg is stretched out beside him and you feel guilty. An idea pops in your head, you’re hardly any good with your hands as he is, and- no stupid idea, he doesn’t like people touching him why would you get a free pass? You glare at your reflection in the soup.

“The soup has made you angry?” Viktor asks a light tease in his voice but also concern. Your eyes snap to his face relaxing and you shake your head.

“No just a thought” you say trying to keep a poker face.

“What is it?” He presses gently.

“Just a stupid thought” you grit your teeth a bit before relaxing your face.

“Hardly stupid if it makes you feel like this” he adds.

“I was just gonna offer what you did to me to help with your leg, a massage or something” you blurt and suddenly you’re bright red and frozen.

“Forget it, forget I said anything, stupid-“ you’re up in a rush grabbing your bowl and putting in on the sink disregarding what you had left. A hand rests on your wrists where your hand is fisted against the counter and you tense looking to Viktor who is looking at you.

“I appreciate the offer” he says softly and you clench your jaw and look away from him. He sighs softly his hand moving from your wrist to the side of your face his finger tips gently pressing to your cheek to make you look at him again.

“Would you feel better if you did?” He asks and you frown. This wasn’t about you, it was about him helping him.

“This isn’t about me and my feelings-“ he lifts a hand to stop you.

“Would it?” He presses an intensity in his eyes you’ve never seen before. His finger tips draw down to your jaw as he drops his hand again.

“Well yes it would but-“ he shushes you again and you stare slightly baffled.

“Come” you stare confused at where he just was before you follow him. You’ve rarely been into his room, it’s so…him. Simple but practical with notes and things scattered on his desks, his bed is neat and hardly used. He sits down on the edge of his bed and beckons you to do the same so you do, when you became so obedient you have no idea. He rests his cane on the nearby bedside table before he leans down and begins to unbuckle his brace.

“Viktor-“ you say but the look he send you shuts you up instantly, you feel like you hardly know this Viktor, the one that has told you to shut up three times in a row. He rests it by his cane and rolls his pant leg up. He sits by you, his eyes looking to his leg, his foot inwards slightly, you see a few scars on his skin, maybe from operations.

“This makes you uncomfortable, I don’t, it was a silly idea” you whisper embarrassed.

“It doesn’t” he says and you shake your head you know, by looking at him you know the walls being put up. You sigh and lean into him resting your head on his shoulder so he doesn’t do anything. He must accept your words are true because his pants slide back down covering his leg and you both sit there for a moment. Your hands rest in your lap, fiddling with your fingers a bit as you sit in silence.

“Stop” Viktor mutters and takes your hand moves it to his lap instead, his fingers go to your palm before moving up and intertwining with yours holding your hand still. You stare at your hands tangled together, heart beating loudly in your chest.

“It’s late” you begin.

“You need sleep” You stand his hand slipping from yours as you leave the room.

Next part ->

[uncanny-tranny]

I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.

Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.

Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.

"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.

That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.

[nanihirunkits]

hi.

[all-pacas]

morning! like probably the rest of you i both slept and feel like shit. In a way, that’s why this tumblr exists for me, to detach: I’m on a personal level going to take a couple days off of news and phone alerts and block the politics tag, just to level out and calm down. And that means I’m also going to go back to my usual spam here. Disassociation. 🙃

[awakefor48hours]

Fatphobic people will literally romanticize eating disorders and malnourished bodies, not do any research about how fat actually works, tell fat people (who they do not know) that they're ugly, then say they care about your health.

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

[lieutenantselnia]

Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I know y’all follow me for South Park Insanity, but I have a personal PCE win to share

(Medical and ED stuff mentioned so below the cut)

I mentioned a while back that for the past few months I’ve been struggling with lack of appetite and inability to keep anything down, steadily devolving into malnutrition and being legitimately scared about it. And try as I had been, I have had no energy to make progress and have only gotten worse. Early in the morning after another sleepless night and after involuntarily throwing up the only food I’d been able to eat for a few days at 1 am, I finally dragged my broke uninsured ass to the emergency room as soon as it opened, shaking and dizzy and scared out of my mind.

Y’all. The doctors and the nurses were so helpful and patient even as I was actively panicking, listening to the root cause of it all, administering zofran and hooking me to what’s apparently called a “banana bag” with every vitamin imaginable bc IT TURNS OUT my ass is deficient in SO MUCH SHIT. I felt the best I have in months after discharge, all day. I even had the energy to spend the day on the couch with my partner instead of lying in bed PLUS THE ENERGY TO GO FOR A FUCKING WALK AFTER EATING A SOLID MEAL (and drinking a shit ton of orange juice ofc) while we waited for my scrip to be filled!!! I genuinely don’t remember the last time I was able to just leisurely enjoy the sun and grass.

And bonus: I got a prescription for an anti nausea medication and apparently a side effect is drowsiness (so I have a few days off work to adjust to that which I got mixed feelings about) so I might actually get some sleep coming up!

I’m a huge hypocrite I know, but listen to your body when you need outside help. It’s scary and hard but I feel worlds better already. 💚

[deerest-deer]

thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[myfandomhalf]

The amount of Dazai mischaracterization in this fandom is CRAZY

I’m not tagging this with a thing because I don’t feel like getting jumped today but whew I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of people finally realizing that Dazai doesn’t actually give a shit about Sigma past “this is a person -> this person became involved in a dangerous situation -> the right thing to do is my best to try to keep them alive” NOT “I must keep this person alive because they matter a lot to me personally and I would be very sad if they died or got hurt” 🥴 plus also the fact that Sigma is useful to him for information, I do think he would’ve tried to keep him alive even if he wasn’t useful, but NOT because he cares about him or has some sort of personal interest in his well being 💀 (he also would probably not have tried as hard if sigma wasn’t useful)

Like that’s so crazy to me do y’all even know who Dazai is 😭😭

Anyway like I was saying I was pleasantly surprised and then those people started showing up with their pitchforks and now I’m back to having very little faith

[chronosbled]

{ Closing my ask box and submissions because I keep getting nothing but political bullshit spammed in my inbox. If you wanna send something, send it via messages (followers and mutuals only) or Discord. }

[orion-archives]

I'm tired. Of all of this.

Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.

I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.

I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.

But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.

But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?

Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?

I'm tired. Too tired.

I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.

Because you can't escape yourself.

I'm tired...

[pnsge]

inside you there are two wolves: one gives a fuck, the other doesn't give a fuck