#disillusionment diary

[deeppink-man]

blushing meme for Mr.Park

[corviiids]

your characterization of characters is so good, especially your half-joking death note aus/hypotheicals... i feel as if youre a scientist who's spent years observing lawlight in a confined enclosure and is now sharing your accumulated expertise with the wider public. that being said do you think if light watched american psycho he would be self aware enough to notice the similarities

this is such an extremely nice thing to say to someone who only watched death note in literally february of this year. im humbled and honoured by this accolade. also mildly concerned about exactly how quickly light yagami became a part of my soul and personality

i actually have not read or watched american psycho but im willing to do so to complete this analysis if i must, although i do not really like horror films. unsubstantiated yapping hidden below anyway

my instinct (uninformed) is a soft no? light is remarkably self aware in some ways and absolutely, completely, 1000% untrustworthy about matters of his own self in other ways. my limited understand of american psycho is that mr patrick bateman is not driven to commit murder by a desire to enact social reform? please correct me if im wrong. i think on that front alone light would see someone committing atrocities, especially without being driven by grand ideals, and immediately distance himself from the character regardless of whether or not similarities exist beyond that

actually you know what im adding a condition. post-kira light would say no he's nothing like patrick bateman. pre-kira/yotsuba light would say the same thing but secretly doubt and fear

however this is a heavily caveated take because i need to watch the film and educate myself first

[exilley]

man sometimes i think to myself, i'm so out of touch with reality. this isnt it. and then i get recommended shit from the manosphere or some freakishly absurd internet or celebrity drama and i have my sense of ideological security reassured so immediately. like i'm... fine. i'm literally just some guy

[gnnbloupthworld]

Some Paragraphs From Sol Pais' Diary

Hit with a discomfort I can’t shake off, that I can’t turn off. Not disillusionment, it’s… There’s something wrong. It’s in the air. And I can’t shake it off. Something’s wrong with the time, this time. Supposed to be another… I don't know why I'm here and not there. What the fuck is in the sky, it’s too fucking loud. It’s too quiet. Disquiet. That’s the word.

.....

Time works in strange, strange ways. Might find a portal back to my reality soon in my bedroom. Might go to sleep one night and wake up at that time, in that year… trying to think about it logically, scientifically… but this has a lot to do with fate... My life is in the hands of time and fate right now. I’ve never trusted my intuition but I have been feeling otherworldly things since one specific night… I've discovered a part of myself, growing more and more into myself every day… who I really am… I have discovered that I'm not at home

.....

There isn’t a doubt in my mind that soon I will be back where I need to be.

Back home..

Back with you (E)

Something inside of me telling me to trust…

Soon

Soon

Soon

Will it be okay?

Please

Please

Please

Back with you…

.....

I believe I can see the future

Cause I repeat the same routine

I think i used to have a purpose

Then again, that might have been a dream.

I think i used to have a voice

Now I never make a sound…

Every day is exactly

The same

I can't remember how this got started

but i can tell you eventually how it will end.

....

Now I just stare into the sun

And I see everything I’ve done,

I think I could've been someone,

But I can't stop what has begun.

When everything is said and done,

And there is no place left to run,

I think I used to be someone,

Now I just stare into the sun.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

can you talk more about harry being able to feel magic throughout the series?

Sure, so there are a few instances I recall of Harry feeling magic and I honestly don't know some of them. Like, some are questionable evidence and some are much clearer...

It was a magnificent mirror, as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet. There was an inscription carved around the top: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. His panic fading now that there was no sound of Filch and Snape, Harry moved nearer to the mirror, wanting to look at himself but see no reflection again. He stepped in front of it.

(PS, 149)

Compared to Ron:

“See?” Harry whispered. “I can’t see anything.” “Look! Look at them all…there are loads of them.…” “I can only see you.” “Look in it properly, go on, stand where I am.” Harry stepped aside, but with Ron in front of the mirror, he couldn’t see his family anymore, just Ron in his paisley pajamas. Ron, though, was staring transfixed at his image.

(PS, 151)

Ron is implied to not feel the urge to look at the mirror the way Harry does. Not only that but Harry just instinctively gets how the mirror works, where you need to stand to see the reflection, and why Ron can't see it from where he is standing. This isn't something he experimented with before, he just, knew.

Harry couldn’t explain, even to himself, why he didn’t just throw Riddle’s diary away. The fact was that even though he knew the diary was blank, he kept absentmindedly picking it up and turning the pages, as though it were a story he wanted to finish. And while Harry was sure he had never heard the name T. M. Riddle before, it still seemed to mean something to him, almost as though Riddle was a friend he’d had when he was very small, and had half-forgotten. But this was absurd. He’d never had friends before Hogwarts, Dudley had made sure of that.

(CoS, 218)

Harry senses the Horcrux in the diary. It's possible this is because he, too, is a Horcrux and not because he is sensitive to magic in general, but I'm noting it here anyway.

“Three . . .” muttered Mr. Weasley, one eye still on his watch, “two . . . one . . .” It happened immediately: Harry felt as though a hook just behind his navel had been suddenly jerked irresistibly forward. His feet left the ground; he could feel Ron and Hermione on either side of him, their shoulders banging into his; they were all speeding forward in a howl of wind and swirling color; his forefinger was stuck to the boot as though it was pulling him magnetically onward and then —

(GoF, 73)

In this above one everyone is urged forward, it's the hook painful sounding sensation I'm not sure others are experiencing.

Moody raised his wand, pointed it at Harry, and said, “Imperio!” It was the most wonderful feeling. Harry felt a floating sensation as every thought and worry in his head was wiped gently away, leaving nothing but a vague, untraceable happiness. He stood there feeling immensely relaxed, only dimly aware of everyone watching him.

(Gof, 231)

Again, I'm just not sure how the Imperius is supposed to feel, but Harry describes a light floating sensation besides his worries being wiped away (the latter of which I think is part of the curse, but I'm not sure about the first one)

“Disillusionment Charm,” said Moody, raising his wand. “Lupin says you’ve got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won’t stay on while we’re flying; this’ll disguise you better. Here you go —” He rapped Harry hard on the top of the head and Harry felt a curious sensation as though Moody had just smashed an egg there; cold trickles seemed to be running down his body from the point the wand had struck.

(OotP, 54)

Harry feels the disillusionment charm washing over hum in cold trickles. Again, it's hard to say if it's normal or not since no one else describes feeling anything like that from what I remember.

“Sirius?” Harry spoke again, but much more quietly now that he was nearer. He had the strangest feeling that there was someone standing right behind the veil on the other side of the archway. Gripping his wand very tightly, he edged around the dais, but there was nobody there. All that could be seen was the other side of the tattered black veil.

(OotP, 773)

I talked here more about Harry and his weird sense regarding the vale, but yeah...

“You’re quite right,” said Dumbledore serenely, shaking back his sleeve to reveal the tips of those burned and blackened fingers; the sight of them made the back of Harry’s neck prickle unpleasantly.

(HBP, 67)

It could be a description of stress and discomfort, but I don't think Harry used these words to describe discomfort or worry at any other point in the books. And considering it's Harry Potter who spends most of his life in discomfort I think it's interesting and likely Harry sensing the curse.

Harry could not tell whether the shivers he was experiencing were due to his spine-deep coldness or to the same awareness of enchantments. He watched as Dumbledore continued to revolve on the spot, evidently concentrating on things Harry could not see

(HBP, 557-558)

This is what I mentioned in the post anon is referring to.

I don't have notes of something like this from DH, since I'm still compiling them, but I did find this scene to add on the train of Harry's magic being super intuitive and intuned with his emotions:

Dust swirled around Harry like mist, catching the blue gaslight, as Mrs. Black continued to scream. “Mudbloods, filth, stains of dishonor, taint of shame on the house of my fathers—“ “SHUT UP!” Harry bellowed, directing his wand at her, and with a bang and a burst of red sparks, the curtains swung shut again, silencing her

(DH, 171)

Harry literally casts "shut up" as a spell, and it not only works, but it works when no one in the Order succeded in shutting the portrait up magically! Harry is so insanely powerful I don't know what to do with this information anymore...

[all-things-are-nothing-to-me]

Nearly as soon as the Bolsheviks took power, they began to execute anarchists and Socialist Revolutionaries, most of whom had fought alongside the Bolsheviks in the Revolution. They also purged elements of their own party deemed "anti-Soviet" or "counter-revolutionary." This state repression was well documented by the Soviet government, but here we have chosen to use journals and letters of those affected. Lithuanian-American Jewish anarchists Emma Goldman and Alexander Berkman describe the Bolshevik betrayal: The systematic man-hunt of anarchists [...] with the result that every prison and jail in Soviet Russia filled with our comrades, fully coincided in time and spirit with Lenin's speech at the Tenth Congress of the Russian Communist Party. On that occasion Lenin announced that the most merciless war must be declared against what he termed "the petty bourgeois anarchist elements" which, according to him, are developing even within the Communist Party [...] On the very day that Lenin made the above statement, numbers of anarchists were arrested all over the country, without the least cause or explanation. The conditions of their imprisonment are exceptionally vile and brutal. (Boni, 253)

[saintarmand]

i'm sure i'm not the first one to notice this but i just identified an ldpdl book i don't remember seeing people talk about before so i had to share. in 1x06, louis seems to be reading jean-paul sartre's la nausée (1938)

i just stared at shots of the scene until i was pretty sure the last letters were -ausée and then i ctrl+f searched that on a bunch of wikipedia pages on french literature until i found a match. i can't believe this dumb shit actually worked—the cover immediately looked familiar. louis's edition isn't exactly the same one pictured here but it's very similar.

wikipedia has this to say about the novel:

Nausea (French: La Nausée) is a philosophical novel by the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, published in 1938. It is Sartre's first novel. The novel takes place in 'Bouville' (homophone of Boue-ville, literally, 'Mud town') a town similar to Le Havre. It comprises the thoughts and subjective experiences—in a personal diary format—of Antoine Roquentin, a melancholic and socially isolated intellectual who is residing in Bouville ostensibly for the purpose of completing a biography on a historical figure. Roquentin's growing alienation and disillusionment coincide with an increasingly intense experience of revulsion, which he calls "the nausea", in which the people and things around him seem to lose all their familiar and recognizable qualities. Sartre's original title for the novel before publication was Melancholia.

sounds like louis all right!

it also says the character "often resigns himself to eavesdropping on other people's conversations and examining their actions from a distance," which is pretty much what louis is doing in this scene.

la nausée being published in 1938 makes it brand new when louis picked it up (lestat's return to rue royale was in 1937.)

i haven't read this (yet) or any sartre at all but i'm sure some of you have so feel free to share anything that comes to mind about it :)

[lulublack90]

Prompt 29 - Weapon

@jegulus-microfic March 29 Word count 926

Previous part First part

They stayed in the pool for a while, relaxing, washing the stresses of the last few weeks away. They had destroyed the Horcruxes, and now all that was left was the man himself. 

“Don’t you think that was all a little too easy?” Lily said to the group. “Shouldn’t there have been more of a fight from the Horcruxes or a swarm of Death Eaters descending on us?” The rest of the group began to look worried and spun their heads to peer into the gloomy forest. Barty, though, seemed cool as can be. 

“Na,” He grinned, head lolling back onto the bank as his eyes slid shut. “The reason they weren’t properly protected and were relatively easy to find is because old Mouldy Voldy is an—”

“Arrogant bastard!” They all chanted together in a dull monotone, cutting him off. 

“Exactly!” Barty snickered. “He assumes he is the most intelligent wizard of his age. He didn’t think anyone would figure out that he’d made the Horcruxes, so he didn’t bother putting any effort into concealing them. He gave the cup and the diary to Bella and Lucy, thinking their fear of him would make them put them in Gringotts, but forgot to factor in their need to show off. He’s completely underestimated everyone below him. The only wizard he thinks of as a peer is Dumbledore, and Dumbledore isn’t searching for Horcruxes, so why would anyone else? And I bet the only reason the Locket was harder to get than the rest was because he’s only just made it before he hid it in the cave where muggles might have walked into. Plus, with the amount of times, he’s fractured his soul and the amount of physical change his body had gone through because of it, I doubt he even felt them being destroyed.” He opened his eyes when the others didn’t say anything. “What?” He questioned. 

“Barty, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say so many sensible words in one go, ever,” Regulus said incredulously. 

“I think he’s right, though,” Evan said, glancing around to see what the others thought. 

“Weirdly, it does actually make sense.” Remus agreed. 

When they’d had enough, they exited the pool, dried, dressed, and left the forest. 

“You did amazing, you know,” James told Regulus as they walked through the undergrowth. “I’m so proud of you.” James took Regulus’s hand and brought it to his lips to kiss. Regulus felt lighter than he had since before he’d left Hogwarts. They might actually be able to finish this and survive. 

They cast disillusionment charms on themselves just as they reached the edge of the forest and felt the change in the air as they walked through the anti-apparition wards. 

Hogsmeade looked exactly the same as usual. Perhaps Barty was right. Maybe no one knew what they’d managed to do. Then, a familiar figure appeared, walking away from Honeydukes with a bulging bag.

Someone pushed past Regulus and ran forward. 

“Who was that?” He asked urgently, unable to see who wasn’t beside him anymore. 

“Sirius!” Remus croaked. Together, they moved forward in the direction Peter had headed. Regulus spotted the plump man turning a corner and totally disappearing. 

“Sirius!” He hissed as he closed the gap. “Sirius!”

“I’ve got him!” Sirius’s voice came out of thin air. 

“Can you apparate with him?” He asked hurriedly. Sirius didn’t say anything. “Sirius, I can’t see if you nodded your head.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Oh yeah, sorry. But yes, I can apparate us both.”

“Good, get him back to Evan’s. We’ll deal with him later. Remus and I need to get back to Grimmauld.” He turned in the direction he guessed everyone else was standing. “Evan, have you got somewhere secure you can keep him that’s secure?”

“Yes, fathers got a cell in the basement.” Evans's bodiless voice answered. 

“Okay, everyone else, go back to Rosier House. Remus and I will meet you there when we can get away. James, you’ve got your mirror, don’t you?”

“Yes,” James said, his voice closer than Regulus had expected. 

“Right, let’s go.” He spun, and he was one street over to Grimmauld Place. He removed the disillusionment charm and apparated again outside number 12 at the same time that Remus did. 

“Ah, Son, you’re home!” Orion greeted them as they walked through the door. “Your Mother’s in the drawing room awaiting your return.” Reluctantly, Regulus followed his father up to where his mother waited.

“Regulus,” Walburga greeted. “I assume you’re lead was fruitful?” He’d practised what to say in case she asked, so the words came easily. 

“Yes, Maman. Unfortunately, he slipped through our fingers like the slippery creature he is. I did manage to knick him with Bella’s blade, but he was gone before I could do any real damage.” Walburga held out her hand. It took Regulus a second to realise what she wanted. Carefully, he pulled the weapon from his robes and handed it over. 

“Did you clean this blade?” She asked, eyes narrowing. 

“Yes, Maman.” She waved her wand over it and muttered a spell that Regulus couldn’t quite hear. A blood-red ghostly figure which resembled Sirius rose from the tip of the dagger. Walburga ended the spell and handed it back. 

“The Dark Lord will not be pleased by your failure.” She said, dismissing him. 

“We will try again in the morning. We will not fail the Dark Lord.” He bowed before leaving the room. He smirked as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. They’d definitely find Sirius again tomorrow.       

Next part

[deadpresidents]

"No fewer than twenty-nine of my [research] cards document [Ronald] Reagan's detachment. He was at once the most remote and the most accessible of men. Although he reveled in the constant flesh-pressing of the Presidency, and ate up flattery with a spoon, he needed regular spells of 'personal time.' Glance through the Oval Office peephole and you would see him happily writing in longhand, always with his tie straight and jacket on, ensconced in an egglike solitude that the curvature of the lens only emphasized.

Adored by so many, he was a man with no real friends. This was not due to any inherent misanthropy...Until he remarried in 1952, earnest, bespectacled Ronnie was said to be 'best friends' with [actor] William Holden, and after that with Robert Taylor. But neither man was more than a barbecue buddy. Hundreds of political supporters and associates claimed to be close to him when he was Governor of California and thousands during his Presidency. Former Senator Paul Laxalt spoke for all of them when he said, 'I guess I know Ronald Reagan as well as anybody. Of course we never talk about anything personal.'

Sooner or later, every would-be intimate (including his four children, Maureen, Michael, Patti, and Ron) discovered that the only human being Reagan truly cared about (after his mother died) was Nancy. For Laxalt, disillusionment came when the President called to thank him for his campaign help in 1984, only to pause in midsentence and audibly turn over a page of typescript. For William F. Buckley Jr., it was when Reagan showed polite relief at his inability to accept an offer of hospitality. For Michael Reagan, it was the high-school graduation day his father greeted him with 'My name is Ronald Reagan. What's yours?'

Patti Davis, Reagan's younger daughter, writes in her 1992 autobiography:

'Often I'd come into a room and he'd looked up from his notecards as though he wasn't sure who I was. [Youngest son] Ron would race up to him, small and brimming with a child's enthusiasm, and I'd see the same bewildered look in my father's eyes, like he had to remind himself who Ron was...I sometimes felt like reminded him that Maureen was his daughter, too, not just someone with similar political philosophies.'

Reagan's scrupulously kept Presidential diary is remarkable for a near-total lack of interest in people as individuals. In all its half-million or so words, I did not find any affectionate remark about his children. He conscientiously named every visitor to the Oval Office, having a printed schedule to refer to, but in conversation he tended to rely on pronouns. Nor did he pay much attention to faces. 'Nice to meet you, Mr. Ambassador,' he greeted Denis Healey, the former Defense Minister of Great Britain, while the real British Ambassador stood by. 'But I've already met him,' his Excellency [the Ambassador] complained, 'eleven times.'"

-- Edmund Morris, Ronald Reagan's authorized biographer, on President Reagan's aloof personality, "The Unknowable: Ronald Reagan's Amazing, Mysterious Life," The New Yorker, June 28, 2004.

[deeppink-man]

Friends moments doodles

[blueiight]

• “ive known exactly four vampires in my entire life and you’ve all been the worst” [lestat, louis, bruce & antoinette]

• the shot of louis strangling claudia followed by louis bashing in hallucistat’s head…

• the confirmation over who cut the diaries & who keeps them stored, the agreement armandxlouis had over divvying up her words + the fact that louis hasnt read those pieces since they were cut out (both a symbol of his own mental as well as the violation done to claudia’s private words post mortem)… dont forget who told u this 1st

• followed immediately by the line of the season… to me.. “he wants you in pieces for the privileges of putting u back together as he sees fit”… all time projection

• hallucistat mocking louis’s accent X_X

• claudia’s enchantment & disillusionment with the theater paralleled with her struggling to ever gain back trust in louis

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

some more thoughts on the x-files: perihelion novel by claudia gray, which i zoomed through ravenously! tl;dr -- if you are searching for msr healing after the terrible s11 finale, you should read this and bask in its profoundly healing glow. you're welcome!

spoilers--

so, i had nooooo idea this existed until reddit told me the day before yesterday, and then my hoopla app actually had it, so i could get it INSTANTLY! it was like a dream come true!! the stars aligned for me! i honestly might read it again now.

i really love how this takes all the awfulness of the truly awful s11 finale and says, "okay, let's dive in and grapple with what this emotional reality would really be like. let's frickin' process." scully's pregnant in her 50s! their son is dead and apparently wasn't their son at all, instead the product of medical rape! you can so tell that this is written with the wisdom and insight of a woman writer's perspective, in a way that most of this show struggled profoundly with even in the 2010s (and it was so extra glaring and painful in the 2010s). it really dives into the repeated loss of bodily autonomy that scully experienced throughout the show, and how she grapples with that as she moves into this surreal experience of being pregnant again. it's just such an achingly astute portrayal of scully and how she tries to bury things and be sensible and keep moving forward and how at a certain point that's not tenable anymore. it felt like getting to be with her again in the best way. she also gets a female friend (ilu, dr. karen jones)!!!! which i adore!!!

i can see the hokey side of the whole 'scully now has powers that control electricity!' plot twist, but i have to say, as someone who feels sooooo ragey over everything scully went through, there's something so cathartic on a metaphorical level of scully's repressed feelings literally exploding the world around her. yeah! ⚡

you can tell this is written by someone who's a deep fan of the show and is intimately familiar with it (fanfic writing skills, what what! i distantly remember this author's fic from the days of yore!!) and especially with everything mulder and scully have gone through emotionally, which is so rewarding to read. i think the canon of the show itself kinda forgot some stuff, or didn't find it worth diving into, so it's so great to get that more fandom-oriented perspective that's really aware of the significance of the events of canon and how they would pile up on each other and create such a lasting impact. also, thank u for making mulder and scully kiss some more. long game! <3

both mulder's and scully's voices are absolutely perfect, both in conversation and narration, and their chemistry shines off the page. it really feels like being with them again. i don't have quite as much to say about mulder, since this is first & foremost scully's time to shine to me, but i think it captures his humor and disillusionment and general perspective so well, and the way he grapples with his sense of purpose. and there are just some really delightful mulder zingers in here, which are essential to my well-being.

domestic mulder and scully who are sort of a couple again but sort of keeping their distance is just such a delicious state to get to hang out in, and seeing them start to work through their trauma and get closer is so sublime!!! i just felt so fond of them, and i love how this captures both their fun, affectionate banter and their more serious, painful issues. this story really digs into their full relationship history in such a deep and thoughtful way. it's all there! they finally have sex in a motel shower! nature is healing!!! i can't believe i can buy this at a bookstore and hold it in my hands!!

i also love how this keeps in the style of the show with the extremely earnest philosophical voiceover-style monologuing from mulder and scully. it's truly just an essential part of the show's style and i love that it's here too.

(and scully writing diary entries and then tearing them up into tiny pieces and putting them in the incinerator!!! girl!!!! <3)

even if i'm obviously here for the shippy stuff first & foremost, i enjoyed the plot stuff. i like how this has a misogynistic serial killer plot, and it winds up that the guy doing it is just sort of small and horrible and easily defeated -- that felt so validating after having recently watched just, like, so many episodes about gross men killing women. the new mytharc is also fun enough that i would absolutely enjoy a multi-book series of mulder and scully dealing with it!

absolutely love the suggestions that mulder IS william's dad and that william is not dead. (and skinner's not dead either!) take that, s11 finale!!!!!! your evils are not insurmountable!

i wasn't familiar with the word "perihelion" so when it's revealed what its relevance is, i was sooooo in my feelings. now that's what i call emotional payoff!

oh my gosh they've got a baby girl on the way. 🥹🥹🥹 and now i really want to meet herrrrrrrrr. pls let this become the series it's so clearly setting up. 🙏

p.s. absolutely loved that we got a "SCULLAAAAY!" or two. it had to happen. <3

this book rules!

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, at this point, for some reason, my brain is really focused on Den giving Tyme the research, after saying "sometimes we can have a chance to resolve lingering feelings"?

But like. Great and Tyme are linked, yes?

Because of course they are, but also because Great's rewrite is all about a better love story with Tyme, and because Tyme's getting shot stopped Great's heart, and because Great 's rewrite starts when Tyme's heart stops. So I think at least some of the rewrite has to be what they both want -- the "can you forgive me" is proof of that. So of course Great's rewrite has a co-author, because there are details that are in the rewrite that only Tyme has.

So obviously they're both wishing for a better, softer, kinder start to their love story.

But now, Tyme has a choice to make, to put the diary back and go back to before he started his revenge plot, before he sent Nan down the path that killed her, before he found Great again, before he used Great for revenge.

( @hotasfahrenheit called this before 7 aired, but I hadn't thought too much about it because I somehow blanked out the part where the opening scene is literally them both dying 🤦🏼‍♀️ I think the fact I was waiting for a POV shift to Tyme's version of the rewrite kept me from thinking about other options, even though all the evidence is there!)

BUT

If somehow the timeline resets, then all that growing and wanting to be better that Great did is gone. All the actually wanting connection and working to be with someone and fighting for something he believes in that Tyme did is gone. All the parts where they were sweet to each other, where they wished for each other are gone.

And what happens to Tonkla and Dome and Win and Title. What happens to Korn, if he doesn't have his parents image destroyed, if he doesn't lose Tonkla, if he has to deal with his decision killing Nan. What happens to the attempted justice and the disillusionment and the consequences that happened for them?

What about Manee and her revenge?

Also, does it even make sense for either of them to come out of this alive?

Does anyone get justice if they don't do the things that contributed to Great's parents downfall (not that there's a lot of it to go around, but still)? Does anyone get to be a better person?

Ugh!

This showwww. 😭

[mellorphic]

In Defence of c!Niki - a Four Part Analysis of Every Arc

People who didn’t watch C!Niki see, in the fandom, a big sister type character with girlboss energy who wants to kill a child. Niki isn’t that. She has a well-written narrative which focusses a lot on her relationships with others.

PART ONE: c!Niki’s Early Days

PART TWO: c!Niki’s Rebellion

PART THREE: c!Niki’s Disillusionment

PART FOUR: c!Niki’s Healing (you are here)

With the nuke plot to kill Tommy and everything that happened post-Doomsday, things seem bleak in terms of Niki’s character. But despite her words and her feelings, her actions show the audience that she does truly have some trust, some hope, some love, left inside of her. Buried deep down.

After all - she still wears Wilbur’s cloak. Despite all of her talk, and how much Niki blames him for a lot of things, it’s obvious that deep down she doesn’t really believe he’s the root of all evil. She still cares about him and misses him, otherwise she wouldn’t wear his cape.

Like Tommy, Wilbur is another scapegoat for Niki’s anger and pain. But she doesn’t actually hate him. She never did.

She was conflicted but she still loved him, she still cared about him, and it’s completely healthy and perfectly fine for her to have mixed feelings. It’s good that she’s not pushing it away and that she’s processing it. Her anger is justified, even if Wilbur hurting her wasn’t his goal.

HBomb and Niki were close, especially in Manberg, and when he tells her that he’s leaving the SMP, Niki asks for some way to keep in contact. She still values the people who have been kind to her, holds them in high regards and has attachments and trust towards them, no matter how much she may claim she doesn’t trust or care for anybody.

That stream was also when Techno offered for her to join the syndicate, but she doesn’t immediately except the offer, saying she’ll get back to him and speaking to her chat (writing in her diary).

N: I don’t trust anyone, y’know, I don’t know if I can trust Technoblade. But he seems like he’s one of- y’know, the most, I guess, hurt people by Tommy? Because he did get betrayed by Tommy.

As an inniter main I do have to say that I personally don’t believe that Tommy betrayed Techno but it is understandable why Niki, who had no idea about what happened in Tommy’s exile or what he was doing with Techno, would believe this to be true, especially as the narrative of him betraying Techno fits with what she believes of Tommy.

But that isn’t the part I want to talk about in terms of her healing - she may not trust Techno but she has compassion and empathy for him and what he’s gone through. That part of Niki is still in there, even if she doesn’t realise, and it shows she isn’t beyond healing.

Despite everything, it’s still you, and all that.

A lot of Niki’s time in early season three was spent in her Secret City, turned Secret Library, where she was on her own and didn’t want to go outside, with insomnia and night terrors when she did sleep. But while building, she had a lot of time to reflect on her feelings and actions, and began to distance herself slightly from Jack’s plans to murder Tommy. She was of course still friends with him, but she was realising that killing Tommy wasn’t what she wanted and coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t his fault.

When she was on her way to meet Techno, ready to join the syndicate, she talked about him in her diary.

N: i don’t actually want to kill Tommy. He.. he’s just a child, and in the end it’s not his fault. It’s not Tommy’s fault that Wilbur left me, and it’s not Tommy’s fault that he… Wilbur… <sigh>… Wilbur- it’s not his fault! It’s not Tommy’s fault, and it’s not anyone’s fault, y’know? And I feel I’ve made myself a lot of.. a lot of enemies with that. So I wanna make it up.

Her ability to recognise her wrongdoings shows so much progress. I literally love her.

And she joined the Syndicate because she was finally able to see that there were people on the server who wanted her around. I don’t like some writing choices of most characters in the syndicate but I do think that in character this was the healthiest choice for c!Niki to make - she felt genuinely seen and heard by those in the syndicate and she’d trusted Ranboo for a long time, who wasn’t formally there when she joined but she thought he was.

It’s important for Niki to have that because she still finds herself frustrated with people who she thought she was close to, that don’t speak to her.

N: I-I don’t know what’s with Puffy, Puffy-.. hasn’t talked to me. She-she just doesn’t talk to me, she doesn’t talk to me! And I can’t deal with it anymore when everyone’s just not talking to me!

Puffychu. I miss you.

At the same time she has a lot of internal conflict about joining.

N: am I sure I want to do this? Am I- do I- am I sure I want to do this? Oh, I don’t know.. I don’t know.. I don’t know what to do.. I’ve never actually spoken to Ph- wasn’t- wait, no, wait- Ph- Phil was the person who killed Wil. Wh-wai- what am I doing here?! Wait. <laughs> am I sure I want to do this..?

….Remember when she made a promise? She still has her loyalty. Niki is still as loving as she always was, she still cares for Wilbur as much as she always did. It didn’t change.

N: on one side, Phil was the person who killed Wil, on the other side.. Wil was already long gone. The Wilbur I know, he was long gone. The Wilbur Phil killed blew up L’Manberg, and that’s- that’s where it all went wrong. So- yes, yes I want to do this.

Niki didn’t change, it was just the circumstances around her that changed, and now she’s taking the power back by surrounding herself with people who care about her and distancing from things that hurt her. Unfortunately people often have to take responsibility for a healing process they never should’ve had to go through in the first place. That’s exactly what Niki is doing and she never should have needed to but it’s great that she is.

N: … I will finally have a place to go again, right?

Throughout Niki’s time on the server she has always been the person to put her differences with people aside. It first happened with Eret and it happened with Techno and Jack and now Phil.

Niki’s Syndicate Code Name is Nemesis, based on the Greek Goddess of Retribution. People say she’s just a Goddess of Revenge but it’s a lot more like Justice, she often punished people for their hubris, an example being Narcissus. I love this for her and the context to it relating to her Manberg arc and it fits because she has a strong moral compass. While a lot of people connect this to the rocket duo arc I think it’s important to also look at it in the context of her past and it shows that she’s definitely reconnecting with that, compared to before where she wanted to push it away.

When she learnt Wilbur was revived, Niki was angry. She was upset he hadn’t come to speak with her after it had already been a few weeks and she was worried that he was planning something. Niki said a lot about manipulation and how she wasn’t going to be manipulated again and hoped that Tommy, Tubbo and Jack wouldn’t get manipulated either which shows us how she felt about the things that happened on November 16th - again, she trusted him not to blow it up, she literally hid the TNT from everyone else because that’s how much she trusted him.

I don’t actually think she was manipulated by Wilbur but it’s clear that at this point in time she felt like he must’ve manipulated her into trusting him.

But Niki was given a lot of time to reflect between that and when Wilbur actually spoke to her. And it’s clear she had been reflecting because the conversion she had with Jack after Dream escaped also tells us she’s come a long way.

Before we get there, though, this stream itself shows she’s been reflecting on things, too.

N: I’m not gonna blame it on Techno, I’m not gonna blame it on other people again because I always did that! I always blamed your mistakes and your betrayal and you hurting me on other people, <goes through nether portal to her Secret Library> and look where it got me. It got me nowhere.

When the syndicate got Dream out of the prison, Niki was not doing that for him. She was doing it to help Techno because of his favour, and to help Ranboo. The fact that it resulted in Ranboo’s last death had Niki distraught.

N: Dream had a favour, he held a favour over Techno.

J: Great! That’s between them.

N: but he’s my friend!

J: wasn’t I? Wasn’t everyone?

N: You’re still my friend, Jack!

J: do you have any idea where I’ve been? At all? For the past, like, three months?

N: no, I was waiting..

She’s gone from saying she doesn’t trust anyone and doesn’t want to be involved with anyone to actually being able to admit that she still cares about people and that they’re her friends.

J: it was fine that no-one else came, but you were the one person that agreed with me on things. You were the only person-

N: but how was I supposed to find you? Because you just disappeared. You disappeared out of nowhere.

J: but did you even try?

N: no. I didn’t. I didn’t..

She doesn’t beat around the bush - she admits it, and she sounds genuinely sorry for it, but she’s also telling him that he did hurt her too. Him leaving was exactly what everyone else did but Niki’s not angry this time.

N: why does it have to be like that? Why can’t we all-

J: it doesn’t have to be like that! But it can’t not be like that here. We can’t change the ay this place works. And that’s why I left.

N: why not? Why can’t we change this place?

J: what happened when we tried to make change, Niki?

N: …I know. I just think, I wanna give people a second chance, Jack.. and I want you to be here with me, giving people a second chance.

She’s regained her optimism and her hope, and I think the syndicate and the time she’s spent reflecting is why. Niki is genuinely opening herself up again, metaphorically in the sense of her being ready to let people in and give them second chances, but also physically, leaving the Secret Library more often to spend time with the Syndicate.

N: I had to help my friends. These are the people that took me in when I had nobody.

J: you know you could’ve always came to me.

N: you were away.

I love rocket duo sm.

And back to Wilbur. When he finally came to see her, Niki said everything she wanted to say to him, everything she needed to say, and heard him out when he spoke - and finally, Niki got her apology. That was all she wanted, and after that it was like they were back to how they were before, just goofing around. Niki got back what she’d missed. People wanted her to beat him up but I never understood why, because not only has Niki never been a character to use physical violence, she also never hated Wilbur as much as people make it out like she did. She was hurt, of course, but she never really hated him.

While we’re here.

N: why did you never come back?

W: … I was sick.

):

During Niki’s finale we see the full extent of her healing process. She’s able to have fun with Phil and bake with him, and able to immediately trust Kristin upon meeting her, and she hasn’t been able to trust anyone that quickly since the start of L’Manberg.

Niki is a character whose healing process meant getting back to a place emotionally that she was in before the trauma she experienced but as a final note I’d like to say that this isn’t the only way to heal and it’s not the only valid one. For a lot of people, getting back to the place they were in before their trauma is impossible and that doesn’t mean they haven’t healed, it just means they’ve grown in a different way.

The effect Niki’s trauma had on her was that it didn’t bring any change to who she really was, it just made her hide behind walls and anger and defense mechanisms. Her healing process meant breaking those things down and the Niki underneath was still the same.

Of course, the finale left her with many loose ends but that’s okay. People have loose ends. It’s more realistic for not everything to be tied up in a nice bow, especially when endings are a cause of an abrupt event like the server reset that meant she didn’t have time to tie things up. This is how things happen in real life too - most endings aren’t planned for.

Overall I think she’s an underrated character with a big heart and a character arc that shows cc!Niki’s potential as an actress and a writer, as well as a personality that brings a lot to the world of the Dream SMP canon as a whole.

[muzzzzle]

Aesop Sharp/Garreth Weasley 🙈🙈🙈

Ok, I know what you lot might be thinking, but HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE! Or just give this little mischievous story a read 🌝

NSFW 🔞 MDNI

Voyeurism | "Forbidden" love | Teacher/Student relationship

— Minus twenty points to Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley. And detention. Again.

Cressida hears the heavy sigh of the Potions Master and looks at her classmate with dislike. Stupid Garreth! For seven years, he hasn’t managed to learn just to follow the recipe, almost every lesson still ends with a nearly blown-up cauldron and a sigh from Professor Sharp. And how many points has Weasley cost Gryffindor over the years! It must have been because of him that her house hadn’t won the Hogwarts Cup for a long time. However, it doesn't matter anymore. Blume adjusts her round glasses with thick lenses and shakes her head. The last year. She should focus on her research!

Cressida proudly raises her head and walks towards one of the closed, "out of order" restrooms. She likes Hogwarts, but there is definitely not enough space for independent practice here. She has to be sneaky if she wants to continue testing her theories. Previously, Professor Sharp allowed her to use his office to practice potions additionally, but after the incident in the Great Hall, when Blume was training Depulso and accidentally sent a Yorkshire pudding right in the face of the Potions Master, he changed his views on favoring her. Oh boy, did it cost Gryffindor points back then!

Cressida importantly pushes the wooden door, muttering a spell of her own composition. No one would have been able to find her cauldron under these charms — the Gryffindor was insanely proud of herself, but so far she kept these achievements secret, trusting only her diary, which she also decided to enchant from prying eyes after a certain incident in the fifth year. A cauldron is bubbling in a narrow booth on a tiny station — lately, Blume has switched exclusively from spells to improving potions. And unlike restless Weasley’s concoctions, none of them have ever exploded. However, none of them have ever improved properly either. But Cressida did not despair and persevered in her experiments.

This time, the silvery flare on the walls is cast by an invisibility potion, the effect of which usually lasts for a very short time. Blume is determined to fix this glaring flaw and extend the effect. After many attempts, she finally calculated the necessary proportions and figured out what affects the duration. Now, with a sinking heart, she pours a not-at-all-hot, playfully bubbling liquid into a prepared vial.

The girl lifts the narrow tube to the light and carefully examines its color and consistency, nodding satisfactorily and ordering the quill to make notes. The potion in the vial sparkles invitingly and Cressida, crossing her fingers on her other hand, knocks the contents into herself. It's quite dangerous to test experimental potions right away, on yourself, but Blume is ready to do anything for the sake of research .

A second later, the girl notes with pleasure that the potion still performs its function — her arms and torso are now nothing more than a slight ripple in space, much less noticeable than the usual effect of the Disillusionment charm. For the beginning, everything is going pretty well, but Cressida does not allow herself to rejoice prematurely. She marks the time to assess how much the effect has been prolonged for — the enchanted hourglass, swaying with pot-bellied sides in the air, began counting down exactly at her command. The only thing left to do is to wait a little.

Ten minutes! This is already an incredible success, the Gryffindor describes her sensations, and the quill, obediently rustling on the parchment, writes down the data. Twenty minutes. Hour. One and a half. Cressida is still invisible, the sand in the clock has long ceased to fall, the quill hovering in the air in bewilderment. Something's wrong. For some reason, it lasts for too long. Blume, worried, raises her wand and, pointing at herself, confidently says “Finite Incantatem”. Zero effect. Of course, counter-curse usually works against other charms, not potions, but it was worth a try. The girl has a spare antidote, but she is clearly not poisoned — will it work?

Three hours. The Gryffindor begins to worry a lot and gives up in an internal struggle, takes the notes and a sample, and heads to the dungeons. It's very funny to watch how students behave without noticing her. Although not everything went strictly according to plan, Blume is still pleased with herself. Surely Professor Sharp will be impressed! Maybe even let her use the potions room again.

Having got close to the slightly open doors of the classroom, Cressida slips inside, intending to raise her voice — the only thing that can give away her presence, but freezes when she sees the familiar red hair. Of course, it's already evening, and Weasley has earned himself detention. There is no sign of Potions Master within her sight — it looks like he is rummaging in his small office, and Garreth, pushing the knot of his tie a little lower, unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, exposing a sharp Adam's apple. A mischievous thought flashes through Blume's head — to make fun of a fellow student by introducing herself as the voice of conscience in his head. The fact that there is no other voice of conscience there was absolutely undoubtful to her. Almost shrieking from her own brilliant idea, she sneaks up to Garreth, but the sound of creaking hinges makes her stop — the professor, without his usual jacket and coat, in only a shirt and vest, leaves his office, raising his eyebrows at the troublemaker.

“Mr. Weasley!” the teacher's voice is not as gloomy as usual, it even seems to Cressida that there is a hint of light sadism in it. “For several weeks, classes have been held without incident, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to leave you for detention anymore!”

Garreth turns to face the professor and squints, smiling slyly. What impudence! Cressida holds her breath, waiting for the Potions Master's reaction and completely forgetting why she came here. It is unlikely that the professor will appreciate the fact that she has been shamelessly eavesdropping, taking advantage of the situation. The girl is about to open her mouth to announce her presence, but Weasley is ahead of her, for some reason raising his wand and waving it somewhere to the side.

“It seems to me, Professor, you have never really regretted it,” the door of the Potions room closes with a soft knock, light sparks run along the ornate handle — the entrance is sealed. Cressida looks back at the scene unfolding in front of her with mouth open, trying not to breathe.

The Potions Master smiles like a predator and with a frolic that is difficult to expect from a person with his injury, shortens the distance between him and the student, grabbing Garreth by the bare neck with a sinewy hand and squeezes slightly, lifting student's chin up and forcing him to back away to the professor's desk. Weasley, resting his hips on the table, exhales with a strangled wheeze, teasingly looking into the teacher's eyes, literally devouring him.

Has Sharp just attacked a student? Blume can't even move, not knowing what to do: whether to grab a wand and help Garreth — no matter how much he annoys her, the guy clearly does not deserve such a fate! But she doesn’t even have time to put her hand in the pocket to find the usual rough shaft of the wand there, as the red-haired freckled devil does something that does not fit in the head of the seventh-year — sweeping away papers and bottles behind him with one hand, he jumps onto a round table, with the other hand pulling the professor by the edge of his vest closer, so that the groins of both touch, and wraps his legs around Sharp's hips, pressing even harder, forcing the professor to loom over him. Aesop is still squeezing the student's neck, rubbing his hips against Weasley's groin, breathing noisily, and glaring at Garreth's flushed cheeks with a clouded gaze.

“You're forcing me to take serious measures, Mr. Weasley," the professor mutters hoarsely, feeling a hard lump in the other’s trousers, but not taking his eyes off the cunning squint of the Gryffindor.

The student, fidgeting with his hips on the classroom table and still throwing his neck back, squeezed by Sharp's strong hand, with dexterous long fingers Garreth fumbles for the buttons of the professor's vest and releases them one by one, brazenly withstanding the gaze boring into him. When he is finished with the buttons, Weasley rises in one sharp movement, throwing an unnecessary garment off the teacher's hunched shoulders, and presses his body against the chest of the Potions Master.

"I'm ready to accept any punishment, Professor," Garreth breathes into the teacher's face, and the next second Cressida's eyes crawl to her forehead.

Professor Sharp, a Potions Master, and an ex-Auror, pulls her classmate by the neck closer, and furiously, greedily covers Weasley's lips with his own, keeping pushing his hips forward. Both are breathing heavily and moaning hollowly, not looking away from each other, aggressively kissing and burying themselves in each other's hair. Blume is still standing a little apart, not daring to budge and realizing that she shouldn't be seeing all this, but an unfortunate (or, on the contrary, rather fortunate) viewing angle lets her see almost every movement, touch and every glare in the crazy eyes of both. Their eyes are actually quite strange as if they both had too much firewhisky. Right, maybe it's some kind of hallucination? Of course, the professor realized long ago that she was here, and now he is punishing her for her mistake with some sophisticated potion that causes visions. But if so, why is that what she sees?

Garreth greedily penetrates the teacher's mouth with his tongue again and again, unbuttoning snow-white shirt of the professor with his hands now. Sharp pushes off with a groan, removing his fingers from the red curls, and puts his palms on both sides of the student's thighs, forcing the redhead to rub against his crotch with even louder moans.

"What are you saying, Mr. Weasley?" the professor exhales in his ear in a deep, soothing voice, allowing the student to undress him, biting the lobe of his ear and feeling a shiver pass through Gareth's body from his breathing and touch. “Do you repent of what you did?”

The Gryffindor raises his clouded green eyes to the teacher and smiles ecstatically, already running his fingers over ex-Auror's chest and collarbones, and stroking his broad shoulders. Aesop catches his every move, continuing to frantically squeeze his narrow hips.

“I think you'll have to punish me a little more,” Weasley's fingers got to the heavy buckle of the professor's trousers, and now they are in full possession, greedily touching hot sensitive flesh.

Sharp whines softly, throwing his head back, letting the student take control with teasing movements for a second, but very soon pulls himself together and, gripping the burgundy tie with golden stripes, pulls it behind Garreth's back, admiring the open, sparsely freckled neck. Weasley obediently follows the insistent movement of the teacher's hand and, throwing his head back again, trembles slightly when the hot tongue of the potion maker slides up his protruding Adam's apple, leaving shiny tracks, circles his chin and, again, penetrates into his mouth.

"You don't know when to stop, Mr. Weasley. I'm afraid I'll have to teach you a lesson," the ex-Auror mutters hoarsely, tearing himself away from his student's swollen, flushed thin lips, and suddenly pulling the ribbon of his tie even tighter, squeezes the lump in the other's pants.

Garreth lets out a hoarse moan.

“Yes,” he breathes out in euphoria, feeling a frenzied excitement from the manipulations of the teacher and from the silk strip pressing on his throat slightly. “Harder.”

Sharp, smiling smugly, pulls his tie even more down, listens attentively to every wheeze, and, squeezing Weasley's crotch tighter, feels that he can barely contain his excitement himself. Releasing the burgundy strip of fabric, he takes a couple of steps away, admiring the hot young body, and throws off his trousers, revealing an impressive rock-hard cock, covered with a net of swollen veins. Cressida, who has been on the verge of fainting for a long time, barely restrains herself from crying out, covering her mouth with a sweaty palm. At the bottom of her stomach, a feeling unfamiliar to her before pulls with heat, from which her heart starts pounding faster, and her breathing quickens. Fortunately, with all the loud sighs and groans that these two make, she is the only one who can hear her breathing.

The professor, wearing only an unbuttoned shirt now, sinks into his chair, spreading his legs wide, and, wrapping a tight ring of fingers around his penis and not taking his eyes off the student, begins to move them up and down. Weasley, catching his breath and jumping off the table, immediately puts himself next to the Potions Master and kneels in front of him, his face very close to Aesop's groin.

“Let me make it up for you, professor,” having slid with his palms from the knees to the bare thighs of the teacher, he suddenly swallows the bright pink shiny head and, repeating Sharp's movements before, with wet sounds starts sucking his organ in, helping with his tongue.

Aesop, allowing the student to caress him, leans back in his chair, rolling his eyes and breathing unevenly with a muffled whistle, squeezes the armrests of the chair so that the veins on his hands seem about to burst. Weasley, who seems to be doing this not for the first time, playfully draws circles around a sensitive penis with his tongue, rising from the bottom up, paying special attention to the head, and abruptly swallows the organ as deeply as he can, knocking out an indecently loud moan from the professor. Gasping, Garrett tries to free his airways, but Sharp grabs him by the hair and holds him there, thrusting his hips deeper into his throat. After a few seconds, during which he almost finishes, he lifts the student off himself, barely allowing him to take a deep breath, and immediately kisses him hotly on the lips, insistently groping for the tongue that has just almost brought him to orgasm. But the Potions Master knows what the red-haired devil is waiting for, and has long learned to control himself. They haven't finished yet.

“Well, Mr. Weasley, I must say that you definitely know how to make amends,” the teacher gets up from his chair and, again grabbing the student by the tie, slowly lifts him up and, as if by a leash, leads him back to the table. “But your punishment is still ahead.”

Garreth, excited and ready, jumps back on the table, allowing Aesop to pull off his trousers. Sharp spreads the student's legs slightly to the sides, almost licking his lips, examining the view in front of him. With a slight movement of his hand, he opens a drawer inside the table and takes out a small bottle with a translucent viscous liquid. Generously dripping the substance directly on the student's groin, the Potions Master runs his thumb down the scrotum with reddish hairs, distributing the lubricant around the heated hole. Weasley, leaning back on the table, trembles from the cold touches, but the professor, wrapping his other hand around the student's cock, begins to slowly drive over it, forcing Garreth to relax. Aesop gently circles the edges of the shrunken rim with his thumb and, not seizing to work with his other hand, gently inserts his fingers inside, forcing the Gryffindor to emit a guttural moan of pleasure. Careful at first, finger movements are accelerated, slightly stretching everything inside. Sharp can't stand it anymore, his fingers wrapped around Garreth's organ start flying faster on it, while the ex-Auror, helping himself with his other hand, finally gets his cock in, forcing Garreth's flexible narrow back to arch towards him. Aesop, at first cautiously, but increasingly confidently driving himself into a tight hot space, feverishly wanders with his eyes over the freckled face of Weasley, who, completely surrendering to the caresses of the professor, stands up on his elbows and trustfully pushes forward.

“Yes, Professor," he whines, feeling the approach of orgasm. “I am already…”

Sharp, having accelerated, feels the penis throbbing in his hand and erupting sperm in all directions, and, now grabbing Weasley's clenched thighs with both hands, impales him on himself in a few more strong thrusts, until with a long moan of happy devastation he starts to tremble all over, fingers digging into the student's skin, undoubtedly leaving traces on it.

Like this, they stand for a few more minutes, recovering their breath. Aesop, wiping the sweat off his forehead, comes out of Garreth and, helping him up, pulls him by the hand, this time gently catching his lips. He steps aside, picks up the wand that has rolled to the side, and directs it to the sperm spreading over the sunken stomach with a few ginger hairs in the bottom. Weasley, rising after him, busily pulls on his clothes. The Potions Master, still breathing heavily, sinks into a chair, watching as the student tucks his shirt into his trousers with an expression of pleasant fatigue.

"Garreth, I'm certainly very flattered that you so often look for an excuse to get a detention with me, but maybe we should be careful," Sharp says softly, thoughtfully lowering his chin on his fist. “Let's have a couple of classes without incidents, okay?”

Weasley, pushing back the red curls stuck to his forehead with his palm, approaches the professor and, lifting his stubble-covered chin, kisses him again, slowly and sensually.

“As you say, Professor," he replies with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, hastily adding. “But this time the explosion was unintentional – it turned out that adding pickled growths of Murtlap to the Forgetfulness Potion was a bad idea.”

Sharp shakes his head kindly and watches the student's back. Cressida, flushed and pressed against the wall, prays only for the dust, that has been tickling her nostrils for several minutes now, not to make her sneeze, giving away her presence. What will the Potions Master do to her if he finds out, that she witnessed his secret meetings? At best, he will put an Obliviate on her. However, Blume would probably gladly prefer to forget about what she just saw.

After regaining his breath, the professor rises and with a wave of his wand beckons the clothes scattered on the floor to him, and returns the documents dropped by Garreth to their usual places. For a second, Cressida thinks his gaze is directed right at her, but Aesop calmly walks towards his chair again, pulls on his trousers, and heads back to his office. Seizing the moment, she takes off from her hiding place and runs out of the classroom, finding herself at the other end of the castle in a matter of minutes. It's a miracle that the ex-Auror did not notice her presence — for sure, he was too caught up in other thoughts. Cressida is still invisible, and it seems that another visit to the professor is inevitable.

But there's nothing wrong with staying invisible for a little longer. As long as she doesn’t get to witness somebody else’s secret. As for this one – she will just try to forget about it, and will definitely not tell anyone. Except for maybe her diary.

Ok, so if you got to this point, please let me know what you think, so I don't die of embarrassment 🌚🌚🌚

[therainjumper]

Dear Diary,

Despair and the mourning was in my mind, to the point I almost broke down as we took a break in the battle.

I’d been desensitized, yet not enough. Why? Your home was destroyed, your family was now in constant danger and now? These aliens were rampaging Earth!

The fall of Reach was still etched fresh in my mind. Now it was the countless deaths of my fellow Helljumpers and Marines. Now it was the uncertainty whether my cousin would live or not. Now, it was that if my parents would make it or not.

The scene of this city burning brought me in tears. It was not just “Feet First into Hell”, it was the deep sense of despair that made it hell.

- Mitch’s journal in January 4th, 2553

“CONTEXT:

Private First Class Doherty was recuperating after an intense mission of humanity’s homeworld, Earth. He did not have the courage to write after the traumatic experiences he encountered during the Battle of Earth. He witnessed Marines and Helljumpers die one by one, which left him very traumatized.

His disillusionment on being an elite trooper was now at a breaking point. First bullied, then seeing his men die one by one by the hands of the Covenant.”