#dipper is her legal name now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

themoonweaversden · 5 months ago

Text

Messeges that were found so far: STAN / STANLEY PINES / STAN PINES / STANLEY (spoilers)

This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)

Masterpost with all messeges / codes

You have to keep spamming it to get all of these links

Eventually you'll get this:

Transcript:

"WHEEL! OF! SHAME!

STEP RIGHT UP! It's time to play my FAVORITE GAME!! BOOTLEG SIXER over HERE spent a LIFETIME trying to hide his humiliations, BUT I'VE BEEN INSIDE HIS MIND, so NOW they're ALL YOURS for the low price of BEING MY NEW PAL! IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS, AND THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO BE NAMED STANLEY PINES! CLICK BELOW TO SEE WHAT THIS MOUTH BREATHING CARNIVAL BAKER HAS BEEN KEEPING TO THE VEST ALL THESE YEARS. BROUGHT TO YOU BY: SHAME!

"SHAME:™ IT'S THE ONE FRIEND WHO NEVER LEAVES!"

EX-WIVES!

FEARS

SECRET SHAMES

UNREPORTED CRIMES

FAILED PRODUCTS

LOWEST MOMENTS

DARKEST THOUGHT

HOW HE BEAT ME"

If you click EX-WIVES

Transcript:

"EX-WIVES

Old Goldie Vegas wedding to a cursed gold-toothed antique.

Marilyn Fakenamé Vegas wedding to a cursed gold-toothed antique.

Brenda Chuggins Shack attraction for having "World's Biggest Thumb." (Carny Tip: Never date your own freaks. She used that thumb to hitch-hike off with Johnny Snakes 3 days later)

Sandra Sweetmeadow A kind beautiful Amish girl eho made Stan choose between her and his "sinful gold chains." He chose the chains.

Someone named "Burline" Stan has no idea who she is, but he found her wedding ring in the Shack Lost & Found, put it on, and it got stuck forever. Physically binding. Might be legally binding!

His childhood poster of "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" (8 year old Stanley drew a ring on the poster and made Sixer witness.)

Natalia Annika Ömanövv Totally un-suspicious turist from a country that no longer legally exists. She took Stanley's creedit card and social security number while he was sleeping and still "checks in on him" via hidden cameras. Ah, love!"

If you click FEARS

Transcript:

"FEARS

The IRS Finding Out

Soos being the one to find Stan dead and taxidermying his body. (Soos would consider this an honor)

The cops calling Stan's fingertips "unusually little."

Betting Dipper in a poker game (and losing.)

Word getting out about Stan's little fingertips, people discovering that they're littler than Ford's.

Stan being dubbed "Baby-Fingers Pines" by the media and having to look into black market finger enlarging."

If you click SECRET SHAMES

Transcript:

"SECRET SHAMES

The time Wendy beat Stan in arm wrestling. 3 times in a row. She never has to work overtime as long as she never tells a soul.

The fact that no one came to his fake funeral except his mom and an IRS agent who whispered to the coffin "this isn't over."

The quick cash Stan made in 1975 posing for a "Hunky Drifters Catalogue" that wasn't as tasteful and classy as the job listing made it sound.

Was the baby mascot for the "Fussy Boy" Brand diaper rash commercials. (Claims that was Ford.)

Writing His Duchess Approves erotic fan-novel: "The Duke's Temptations at Oglebottom Estate.""

If you click UNREPORTED CRIMES

Transcript:

"UNREPORTED CRIMES

The time Stan hit Toby Determined with his car and just... kept driving.

Illegally breeding wolves to create a "super wolf." You should hear this thing howl.

Pretending to be a veteran to get a discount on PEZ, then having to invent an entire fake war in a fake country to keep the ruse going. Stan still has a "Remember Operation Enduring Excuse" bumper sticker, and regularly updates the Wikipedia page for the "People's Grepublic of Grunklestan."

Shooting out the tires of the Mythbusters Van after they axposing him for "looking kinda doughy" on tape.

Selling his heart medication to Children claiming it was "metal-flavored candy!"

Accidentally inhaling too much taxidermy glue, black out, and waking up to discover that he had somehow managed to rob himself. Still tracking down the lost boot buried by his arch-rival "Glue Stan""

If you click FAILED PRODUCTS

Transcript:

"STAN'S FAILED PRODUCTS

The "Wishy Washy!" - A washing machine that somehow makes your clothes dirtier.

The "Counter Fit!" - A rubber band you attach to your kitchen counter to exercise while doing dished. INJURY TOLL: 27

"Welcome to Gravity Town!" - A cartoon show pitch which was unanimously rejected by every network for "blatant Illuminati references."

"Flavored Lottery Tickets!" - Turns out that the kind of people who think they can win the lottery are the kind of people who ignore "do not swallow" instructions. LAWSUIT TOLL: 48

"THE SAD SHACK" - A burlap bag to cover your head so no one can see you rendomly crying during the day. Cheaper than therapy!

A soda called the "Drippy Stanley!" INGREDIENTS: Pine Sol, wood glue, & expired sun tan lotion. Soos tested it and now he can't remember the year 2000."

If you click LOWEST MOMENTS

Transcript:

"LOWEST MOMENTS

That time he somehow got an F- on a history test, which teachers thought was mathematically impossible. Filbrick made him stand on the lawn for two days holding a sign that said "Estra Stan, 3 dollars or better offer."

When "1998's Best Tourist Traps in Oregon" listed the "Mystery Shack" as #99 below "The world's bigest fence" and "the dog that might be thinking human thoughts."

His birthday the year before he met Dipper & Mabel. No one came to "Mr Mystery's Mystery-Age Party & Used Wolf Pet Sale" He'd spent hours writing comedy roasts of employees who never came, burned off one of his eyebrows attempting to make a cake, and drank the night away skeet shooting Sixer's old Beethoven Records.

The day after he met the twins, he overheard them debating whether they should escape out the window and report him to the FBI. Mabel shook a Magic 8-Ball and tey stayed.

Stripping for edible flour in Tijuana Please don't make me elaborate."

If you click DARKEST THOUGHT

Transcript:

"DARKEST THOUGHT

Pin all my crimes on Soos"

If you click HOW HE BEAT ME (You have to keep spamming)

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME He didn't! IM STILL HERE, SUCKER!"

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME LOOK the gambler got a lucky break, alright? A lifelong LOSER was due for ONE freak royal flush! What does it mean? NOTHING! LESS THAN NOTHING! NOT WORTH EVEN THINKING ABOUT!"

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? That a guy who once tried to EAT THE DECORATIVE POTPURRI out of the bowl in the bank OUTSMARTED ME?! PLEASE! Goofus was just following Gallant's LEAD! It was SIXER'S PLAN, PTSD BARNUM is just a side character, a resume-inflating, cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of DENIAL AND shamelessness! Sixer ate Stanley's potential in the womb, and the only thing interesting that ever happened to him started when I entered HIS head! END OF STORY! PERIOD. And I have NOTHING MORE TO SAY ABOUT IT!!!!"

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME ..."

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME AND ANOTHER THING! Ever since that pathetic excuse for a 5-sensed three Dimensional one lifespanned skin-puppet was barfed into the universe, he was nothing but a carbon copy of a better genetic duplicate, and he knew it! A trillion years from now when I've broken out of this place nd taken over, he'll be remembered as the special bump under the cement truck of my inevitable triumph asterisk next to an asterisk next to an asterisk next to an asterisk who would be a joke if he was capable of understanding comedy whehich he OBVIOUSLY isn't, I mean, have you heard the hacky matreials he does on his tours, I've been inside his dreams, he WORKSHOPS that material, he PAVES over it, and the best he can do are some puns that would make a third grader cringe and vaudeville that were hack before they were even invented! Its an insult that showed to wear a suit and tie, he should be in a BARREL with SUSPENDERS!

HACK JOKES. CODEPENDENT. SELF-PITYING STUPID "FULLY CLOTHED WOMEN" COULDNT WIN LOCAL ELECTION SMUG SAS-CROTCH TACKY UNWORTHY CLICHE DREAMS "SINGIN' SALMON" AND THAT'S THE FINAL WORD!"

Transcript for this image in specific taken from this Google doc

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME OKAY I SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE! You’re just like those those PREACHY INFANTILZING AUTOMOTONS AT THETHERAPRISM who are SO OBSESSED with getting me to TALK about my “FEELINGS”. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET A RISE OUT OF ME?! TRY! I DARE YOU! I DARE YOU!”

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME KEEP CLICKING! SEE WHAT HAPPENS! I CAN OUT-LAST YOU PAL! DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU’RE STEPPING TO HERE?! IM LITERALLY INSANE! TRY IT! KEEP TRYING IT! I’VE GOT FOREVER, LET’S GO! COME ON! GO! KEEP CLICKING! KEEP DOING IT!”

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME KEEP DOING IT!"

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME I LOVE IT!"

Transcript:

"HOW STAN BEAT ME IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!

⚠︎ FLASH WARNING FOR THE FILES BELLOW ⚠︎

Transcript:

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!"

Transcript:

"DO Y Ou even fAThoM ho W muCH pAIN IM"

Transcript:

"sOMeTIMES when i CLOSE my eyE i caN"

Transcript:

"I cAN STiLL sEe (encoded in alchemic sipher, author's cipher, theraprism and color cipher (in that order))"

Decoded messege: "The eyes of everyone I've ever"

(last three images)

#bill cipher #book of bill #gravity falls

58 notes · View notes

strawberryshortcake1495 · 29 days ago

Text

Here’s all my Carla designs in my Grauntie Carla AU! :3 (+some facts about her)

1: Carla had a little sister named Amanda who she was forced to raise after her parents passed away in 1962. From that point on, she had to live with her grandparents who helped take care of Amanda while Carla went to school and all that. In 1967, Amanda is 5 years old which’ll make Carla 17. She had to raise Amanda 24/7 after her grandparents passed away, though. It’s unknown if Amanda is still alive in 2012, but she probably is. 2: Like how Stan gravitates towards Mabel, Carla likes to pamper Dipper however she can. She doesn’t like the way Stan makes fun of him for being a wimp and always scolds him whenever this happens. Dipper finds comfort in Carla and would ramble about his conspiracies to her, and she’d listen without hesitation. This doesn’t mean she hates Mabel, though. She loves the kid, as she reminds her of how Amanda used to be when she was a little girl. 3: Carla is always berating Gideon’s parents on how to raise him and she thinks they’re bad parents. She held no ill intention with Gideon himself and was actually good friends with him, often conversing about the mysteries of the universe (much to Stan’s dismay). She noticed his sketchy motives but tried to ignore them until the finale of Season 1. 4: She will often tell the twins about how she wanted to be a ballerina when she was younger; and that’s why she visited the Juke Joint often, since her grandparents couldn’t afford dance lessons for her. One time, Stan overheard this and felt super guilty, thinking that he held her back from pursuing her dreams just by staying at her place and giving her another mouth to feed. That night, the two cuddled and Carla reassured him that she’s happy to live the life she has now.

5: She and Stan got married 2 months after the portal incident, so she’s legally married to Ford but nobody knows that.

6: She always wanted to be a mother but with all the stress Stan went through with trying to bring Ford back, she didn’t bother asking. As she grew older, she realized that she would never be a mother but accepted the role of being a great aunt. She loves it.

#gravity falls #gravity falls au #carla mccorkle #stan pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #gideon gleeful #ford pines #grauntie carla au #my designs #aaaaaaaaaaaa #this took me way too long to make #oh wow #i love me so much #giggling and twirling my hair #the adult and grauntie designs were my favorite ^^

14 notes · View notes

ckret2 · 2 years ago

Text

The most unpleasant breakfast.

I feel like this picture is a perfect summary of the fic so far.

Chapter 5 of The Pines Capture Human Bill Cipher But Can't Tell Anybody Because They Don't Know Whether Killing Him Will Restart Weirdmageddon (title TBD). Masterpost here. Updated 8/7/2024 for TBOB compatibility!

####

The group asking for a seat at the truck stop diner was an odd sight: three adult men; two children; and then one disheveled barefoot lunatic in a cartoon pony toga, handcuffs, a chain restricting one arm, and the dirt-smeared remains of a butterfly marker mask. But truckers and odd sights were the only things you saw at 3 a.m. in a Roadkill County truck stop that was old enough to still have functioning pay phones, and the handcuffed guest wasn't blinking SOS in Morse code, so the weary party was escorted to the round corner booth without question. They sandwiched Bill between Soos and Stan and silently awaited their menus.

"Hey, I'm Dani, I'll be taking care of you tonight." A waitress passed out menus to the group, hesitated uncertainly with a couple of paper kids' menus in front of Dipper and Mabel, and handed them over when Mabel made grabby hands for the accompanying four-pack of crayons. "Can I start you off with some coffee, or...?" Dani's gaze fell on Bill and her face lit up. "Oh, hey! Toga Lady! Hi!"

Bill gave her a puzzled smile and raised brows. "Hello?"

"Oh, yeah dude!" Soos laughed. "Wendy got a picture of you the last time you came by. You're totally a local meme now."

"Okay, I've gotta know." The waitress gestured at Bill's ensemble with her pen. "What's your story?"

"Well—" Bill opened his mouth, and froze; and the whole table went still as they simultaneously had the same realization.

If anybody revealed Bill's identity, in Gravity Falls, the epicenter of Weirdmageddon, they'd have a mob on their hands. At worst the town would rip Bill to shreds, and at best they'd throw him in a cell so they could schedule his shredding for a pleasant Saturday afternoon when more people could watch.

Bill couldn't risk the possibility that he'd die for good, and the humans couldn't risk the possibility that he'd be re-released as a triangle.

None of them could reveal anything.

And all of them knew it.

"Party," Bill said. Warming to the cover story, he went on: "This is my party uniform. A little anachronistic, but what can I say? There's nothing I like better than being the center of attention at a wild party!" He cast a sideways glance toward the Stan twins. "Until the fun police break it up."

Ford grumbled, "Partying wasn't the problem. You were going to burn down the town."

"You get so worked up over a little bonfire, sheesh." Bill rolled his eyes, leaned toward the waitress, and said, "These geek types, I tell you. Some people wouldn't recognize a good time if it appeared to them in a divine vision."

"Maybe if I ever had a divine vision..."

Bill shot Ford a dirty look. They quickly broke off their mutual glare, conscious of Dani curiously watching, and Bill breezily explained, "He had a bad trip and still blames me for it."

Dani laughed. "You're crazy! What's your real name, Toga Lady?"

Bill hesitated. "Guess!"

"What?"

"Guess! It's a game. You guess mine, I'll guess yours."

She looked down at her name tag. "I already told you my name's Dani."

"But did you tell me it's Danielle Miranda?"

Her eyebrows shot up.

Bill beamed. "I'll give you three guesses! While you're thinking about that, could we get a round of coffee, and... do you serve anything more toxic than mildly spoiled apple juice? No? Just coffee."

"And a chocolate shake," Mabel threw in.

Bill's eyes lit up. "Make that two."

Stan snapped, "I am not paying for you to get a chocolate shake." Bill sighed.

Once the waitress was gone, Bill said, "Trauma still disrupts humans' long-term memories, right? Have the locals forgotten my name yet?"

"Yeah, no, everyone remembers," Soos said. "I know two different Williams that got their names legally changed."

Bill groaned. "Great. Terrific! Fine. I don't even care. My last pseudonym was getting stale anyway, it's about time I find a new one. Do I look like a Silas?"

The others stared at him. Stan said, "What?"

"A Silas, do I look like my name could be Silas."

"Sure, that sounds stupid enough for you."

Bill shot Stan a dirty look. "Fine, you try. I've spent the last couple of days getting killed, tortured, drugged, beaten, and starved—"

"Whoa, wait," Soos said, "you've been what?"

—so all I'm coming up with is 'Not-Bill' and 'the letter A.' Somebody else think of something."

Stan let out a loud sigh. "Who cares? Bob."

"No."

"Will."

"No, and you sound stupid."

"Hey—!"

Ignoring Stan's irritation, Bill looked around the table. "Anyone else?"

The others at the table considered the question. Soos said, "Ferdinand. I think Ferdinand is way cool."

"Coming out of you, that's not the high recommendation you think it is, Questiony."

Soos winced. "Ouch."

"C'mon, give me something that sounds a little bit like me."

Dipper said, "Troy Angle?" Mabel laughed.

Bill didn't. "Troy again."

Ford ventured, "Xanthe?"

"Ha. Sure, just call me 'yellow hair,' why not. I like the direction you're thinking—"

Stan—whose barely-suppressed rage at this whole situation had been steadily building back up since Bill called him stupid—snapped, "Why are we looking for a name he'll like? Why does he get any say in this! I say we call him whatever he can pronounce through a mouthful of broken teeth! Because when I'm through with this sonovab—"

Bill blocked his view of Stan's threatening fist by holding up his menu. "But Stanley's got a point, I need a simple name. How many Americans know how to spell Ξανθή?"

"Get this stupid thing out of my—"

Mabel, who'd been mulling over the whole "yellow hair" idea, stood and slammed her hands on the table, interrupting the brewing argument. "GOLDILOCKS!"

Bill erupted into a peal of laughter that made the rest of the table flinch. His handcuffs clattered as he smacked his hands on the table and he leaned toward Mabel. "Yes yes YES! Perfect! Ha!" It was like a light switch had flipped on in Bill, re-energizing him, and suddenly he was brighter than he'd been since before his capture. "Funniest coincidence, I—well, forget it, you wouldn't get it." Eyes crinkling in genuine amusement, Bill said, "But I like you, kid. You're the one with the fun ideas!"

Mabel blinked in surprise, any pleasure at the unexpected compliment dampened by the knowledge that being liked by Bill was never a good thing. "Oh. Yep," she said flatly. "Fun's my thing."

Miffed, Dipper said, "Hey, I made a pun."

"I don't like puns."

Ford said, "If you'd please stop trying to win over my grand-niece with flattery..." but fell silent as Dani came back with drinks.

She passed coffee around, set a chocolate shake down for Mabel, set a second one down for Bill—"On the house"—and winked. "Is it Rumpelstiltskin?"

Bill cracked up again. "No, but give me three hours and a particle accelerator and I could teach you to spin straw into gold!"

"Worth a shot! Okay, is everyone ready to order?"

There was an awkward pause. Soos finally said, "Oh man, we all got to talking and completely forgot to look at the menu. Can you give us like five minutes?"

"Sure. Just wave when you're ready."

The group steeled themselves to the task of picking a meal, which felt far too mundane for such a bizarre night. Dipper frowned at the paper kids' menu he'd been handed. "Hey, Soos. Can I look at your menu when you're done...?"

Wordlessly, Bill stole Dipper's menu and crayon box and slid over his adult menu.

"...Thanks."

Bill had already dumped out the crayons and started drawing triangles on the menu. "Don't mention it!"

By the time Dani returned, Bill had covered a quarter of the menu in tiny doodles of his own triangular face, reluctantly scratched them out after Soos pointed out he could get arrested for those, and covered half the rest in countless eyes. Soos ordered a burger, Stan ordered bacon and eggs, Ford ordered an omelet, Dipper ordered an omelet too not because Ford did but because it sounded good and maybe he wanted to try one okay that's all, Mabel ordered rainbow sprinkle chocolate pancakes, and Bill ordered a banana octopus pancake and a side of bacon "as floppy as you can make it" over Stan's objections to letting Bill get a side item.

"And raw bacon. Got it." Dani closed her notebook, gave Bill a considering look, and said, "Is it Blondie?"

"Ha! No! But you've been a good sport so I'll give you a hint! It's something in between your first two guesses."

"Huh..." Dani considered that a moment; then noticed Bill trying to pick up his shake with handcuffs on. "Do you... need help with those? I think the attached gas station's got bolt cutters."

Firmly, Ford said, "We've got bolt cutters at home." Bill gave Dani an apologetic shrug.

As soon as Dani was gone again, Ford leaned forward. "All right, Bill. If you're going to be in our house for who-knows-how-long, we need to establish some ground rules."

"Boy, do we ever," Bill said, with the confidence of somebody who assumed he'd have an equal say in deciding what the rules were.

Ford went on without acknowledging Bill. "For now, we can lock you back in the cellar—"

"Cellar's right under the gift shop," Stan pointed out. "I was thinking a storage closet. Just stuff him in there and pile a bunch of furniture in front of the door."

"You know, Stanley, I think that would be safer," Ford said, like he was trying to pretend he liked the idea based on safety rather than based on how satisfying it would be to make Bill as uncomfortable as possible. "Although I'm sure Bill knows he'll just be putting himself in danger if he makes enough noise to catch anyone's attention—so there's rule number one, no sounds. And once I've done some repairs, we can move him to the bunker..."

"No, I don't think so," Bill said. "I don't like that at all."

Coolly, Ford said, "Well, Bill, you're our prisoner, so we can do what we want, you don't get a say in it, and you don't have to like it. In fact, the more you dislike it, the more I think I do like it."

Stan laughed, elbowing Ford. "Took the words right out of my mouth."

Bill said, "But that's just the thing—I do get a say in it! I'm as worried as anyone else about what might happen if this body is killed. But there are fates worse than death. Like boredom, for instance! You know what I'm talking about, right?" He gave Mabel an appealing look.

She doggedly avoided making eye contact, slurping her shake.

Bill shrugged and returned his attention to Ford. "You know and I know you'll only keep me alive until you think of a way to kill me that I can't come back from—and that gives me an advantage. It means I've got nothing to lose. If I'm not living a life that's at least barely tolerable, then your only way to stop me from choosing death on my terms instead of your terms is by sticking me in an artificial coma." His smile stretched wider. "And are you really, really sure I don't know a way to kill myself in my sleep?"

Ford and Stan's scowls deepened the longer Bill spoke. Stan muttered to Ford, "It's not too late to take our chances killing him the old-fashioned way."

Ford shook his head. "What do you consider intolerable conditions."

"Being locked in a little cell with nowhere to stretch my legs, no entertainment, and no company. Abandon me in your bunker? I'll bash my skull in."

Bill declared this with such vehemence that it momentarily gave Ford pause; but he asked, "And if we lock you in the cellar?"

"Then I scream for help until someone calls the cops, and we all get to learn what they find more convincing: 'You've gotta believe me, this lady is secretly Bill Cipher in disguise,' or 'Help me, officer, these lunatics think I'm some kind of demon pyramid!'" Bill rolled his eyes. "I'm not asking for much. Just a little entertainment. Only enough to make this place more appealing than dying! A few rooms I can move freely in, the occasional conversation, a window or two I can look out of..."

"In other words," Ford said, "if we don't want you to do anything drastic, we need to give you a slight chance to escape."

"See, this is why you're the smart one!" Bill graced Ford with a brilliant smile. "And in return, you've bought yourselves time to look for a guaranteed way to finish me off. It'll be like a game: can you figure out how to get rid of me before I find a way out?"

"I stopped playing games with you a long time ago, Cipher."

Bill leaned across the table toward Ford, ignoring that he was at risk of shoving his elbow into Stan's chest and that the kids had started leaning over the table too as if they were prepared to lunge at Bill. "We never stopped playing. You just stopped having fun."

Their negotiations were interrupted by Dani's return. She distributed their meals, then said, "Okay, I've got two guesses. They're dumb, though."

"I'll allow it!"

"Rapunzel or Goldilocks."

"Hey, guess number four! Smart girl! Give her a nice tip, Stanley."

Stan grumbled, "Stop trying to spend my money."

Dani laughed. "You're joking!"

"No, really! Goldilocks!"

"No, no way. You're totally lying."

Studying her face to gauge how much of her skepticism was sincere, Bill amended himself, "Okay, okay, you're right—first name Goldie, last name Locke. Funny though, right?"

"I didn't think I'd get it. Goldilocks the Toga Lady. Ha! You guys enjoy your meals."

Once she was out of hearing range, Bill muttered, "Tabitha, I should have gone with Tabitha. That's a way more believable human name than Goldilocks. I could pull off a Tabitha."

Ford cleared his throat to catch Bill's attention. "All right, Bill, here's your situation. You're trapped within a small geographical radius and surrounded by enemies. You have no money, no identification, and no connections. The last time we saw you, you were pleading for rescue through a book—"

"'Pleading' is so pejorative! I was offering mutually beneficial deals, but you were too busy taping judgmental selfies in my book to—"

"—SO, wherever you came here from, you clearly can't go back there. And if you still have any powers at all, they're obviously dampened or we'd be dead by now. Your options are limited even if you do escape—so before you try, think how much less latitude we'll give you once we catch you."

"Sounds like somebody's about to agree to my terms."

Ford glanced at Stan, to see if he wanted to voice any objections; then Soos, as the current owner of the shack; then the kids, with a silent apology for what this would mean for their summer; and when no one protested, Ford said, "You'll stay in the main shack. You can go anywhere that isn't closed behind a door—that means the kitchen, the living room, the R&D room, and the attic. You don't get to enter any room behind a door without supervision. You don't get access to tools, poisons, or anything you could potentially use as a weapon. No phone, no computer, no borrowing anybody's cellular phones. I suppose there's no harm in letting you use the TV." He glanced around at the family. "Does that all sound agreeable?"

Nobody was thrilled with it, but nobody protested.

Bill said, "Question."

"What."

"How will disputes over what to watch on TV be resolved."

"Everybody in the house gets priority over you."

"You're being petty. We can't even vote on TV selections?"

"Fine, let's vote. Who's in favor of being petty and never letting Bill choose what to watch?"

Everyone but Bill raised a hand.

Bill laughed. "Okay, I walked into that! But I want books."

"Fine. You can have books."

"And writing materials."

"Under supervision only."

"Sheesh, paranoid. Okay. And a radio."

Ford considered that.

"Come on, you don't think I could get into trouble with a radio."

"You can use the record player."

"Nobody uses records anymore. I want a CD player."

"Fine. You can borrow a CD player."

"Fine." Satisfied, Bill picked up the maple syrup bottle and poured way too much on his pancakes.

Mabel cast a quick, envious glance at Bill's banana octopus. It had chocolate chip eyes and was way cuter than she'd expected.

Bill caught her glance, gave her sugary pile of sprinkles and chocolate an equally covetous look, and said, "Want to go half and half?"

She shoved her plate over. "Like you wouldn't believe!"

Dipper hissed, "Mabel," and Mabel flinched, guiltily glancing toward Ford to see if the Head Bill Cipher Expert had any objections to the pancake swap. Ford grimaced, but said nothing. Mabel had already agreed, Ford couldn't think of anything Bill could have done to an untampered-with plate of pancakes, and if Ford objected on principle he'd just end up making himself look like the bad guy—which he had a sneaking suspicion Bill would immediately pounce on.

Meanwhile, Bill certainly hadn't waited to see if Ford approved. He mercilessly sawed his mushy cephalopod in half, the swap was made before anyone could protest Mabel sharing her bounty of sugar with the worst person in the universe, and Bill gleefully added more maple syrup to his new source of sweet sensory overload. He scooped up a forkful of pancakes, stuck it in his eye, then jerked his head back at the pain and stared in confusion. He tried the other eye before he remembered his mouth.

Mabel played with the banana peel tentacles on her half-octopus. At Dipper's grimace, she said, "It's fine, he'll be fine! Octopuses grow back if you cut them in half."

Soos had worked through his burger like popcorn at a movie while he watched Ford and Bill's hostage negotiations. Now that the important decisions had been made and Soos was down to fries, he said, "So, how do we keep Bill out of all the other rooms? Am I gonna have to put locks on every door tomorrow? Because if we just say 'don't go there,' Bill will be like, 'okay,' and then do it anyway, you know?"

"Yeah, Stanford, how are you gonna keep me out of your rooms?" Bill was twirling a piece of bacon around his fork like spaghetti. "I hear I'm pretty sneaky." He stuck the fork in his eye again, flinched, and gave it a disappointed look.

"Well—" Ford glanced around to ensure no one was nearby, leaned closer to Bill, and lowered his voice. "I've actually got a clever idea about that."

Instantly intrigued, Bill leaned in closer. "Oh, do you?"

Like he was inviting Bill in to hear a secret, Ford reached past Stan to put a hand on Bill's shoulder—and said, "Amnesia Limina—"

"You—!" Bill tried to jerk out of Ford's grip, but was blocked by a wall of Soos. Soos caught on and grabbed Bill's wrists before he could shove Ford's hand away.

"—Stupidi Digiti—"

"I hate you."

"—Occultus Locus."

A bright red light flashed between Ford's fingers. Bill's eye twitched. He jerked out of Soos's grip and shrugged off Ford's hand. "When did you learn how to play dirty?"

Dipper had watched with such fascination that he hadn't even noticed a chunk of omelet fall off his fork into his lap. "Whoa, what was that?"

"A curse," Ford said. "Cast it on a door, and no one who interacts with it will know how to open it. Cast it on a person, however—and they'll forget how to open any door or window. We don't have to worry about locking Bill in if he doesn't know how to use a doorknob, do we?"

Bill asked, "What's a doorknob?"

Stan cracked up. Ford grinned at Dipper and gestured at Bill. See?

"Seriously, what's a doorknob? I know every word in the English language, I'd know if 'doorknob' was a word. Is it a wart? A kind of fungus?" Bill sighed irritably. "Where did you come up with that! I thought you forgot that curse years ago."

"I haven't forgotten anything you taught me," Ford said, clearly offended at the suggestion.

"No? Then why'd you waste all that time installing a retinal scanner on your lab door?" As it dawned on Bill that he no longer understood what retinal scanners had to do with the function of doors, he muttered to himself, "Why did he install a retinal scanner."

"I'm not a fool, I knew if I'd cursed the door you would have removed the curse as soon as you possessed me."

Bill laughed. "You idiot! Don't you know the curse can't be lifted by anyone but the person who placed it?"

"It. Can't?" Ford sat there, experiencing the unfamiliar sensation of being the student called on in class who'd read the wrong pages instead of the assignment, even though in his heart he was sure Bill must not have taught him that part of the spell. "What if that person dies?"

"Responsibility for the curse passes to the next of kin! Lucky for you, or this fork would already be in your throat—although I haven't completely ruled that out. Maybe one of your family will be more reasonable about the situation than you."

The rest of the table loudly assured Bill that they would not be more reasonable. Ford gestured toward them. "I don't think so. None of us are foolish enough to fall for your tricks anymore. You aren't going anywhere until we say so."

Bill ignored the rest of the table, gaze fixed on Ford. "Don't be so sure, Stanford Pines. You aren't the first cocky mortal to hold me and you won't be the last! I'll get out of here, and when I do—oh-ho-ho, I'll make you regret every single timeyou ever thought of crossing me."

Ford raised a brow. "I 'won't be the last'?" Stan laughed again, elbowing Ford. Bill cringed, face heating up.

The kids grinned. "Wow, Bill," Dipper said. "Pretty big of you to admit what a loser you are."

Bill rounded furiously on Dipper. "I'll show you a loser—" He lunged across the table toward him.

"Hey!"

"Get over here, you—"

"Everything good so far?" Dani asked.

The table froze. Bill had a fist curled in Dipper's vest, Soos had an arm around Bill's chest, Stan had his hands around Bill's throat, Ford was pointing a knife at Bill's face, and Mabel was prepared to bite Bill's wrist.

Bill slowly let go of Dipper. He gave Dani a thumbs up. "Everything tastes fantastic!"

"Great!" Dani moved on.

The guys slowly let go of Bill and sat back. Mabel gently bit Bill's arm to ensure he knew she meant business.

He didn't even acknowledge her. He'd fixed his glower on Ford again; and when Ford met his look, Bill pursed his lips and spat a thick, milkshaky wad of phlegm onto Ford's omelet.

Stan rounded on Bill so fast he kneed the table. "You little—!"

Ford put a hand on Stan's shoulder to stop him from making a scene. Calmly, he cut around the chunk of soiled omelet, scooped it up, and dropped it in Bill's milkshake.

A crooked smile broke through Bill's scowl. "You know—" he hooked a finger around his milkshake glass and tugged it closer, "this is the most fun I've had in a very long time." He squeezed one eye shut and made direct, defiant eye contact with Ford as he drank the shake.

Mabel and Dipper exchanged a look and cringed in disgust.

####

When they left, in lieu of the extra tip Bill had wanted Stan to give the waitress, he turned over his paper menu and drew a map to an eighty-year-old buried cache of stolen jewelry just a fifteen minute walk from the diner.

He'd finished his milkshake, egg and all.

####

(if you enjoyed, I'd love a comment! Thanks!)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls fic #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

373 notes · View notes

harper-collins · 2 years ago

Text

7 years later... - Billdip Oneshot

Pairing: Bill Cipher x Dipper Pines

Warnings: Usage of guns, mention of drugs and mention/someone being called a prostitute - MATURE, If you don't like these topics please don't read!

Hiya! This is a continuation (in a way) of the idea that I had and the last oneshot that I made regarding that idea. It has both Bill and Dipper now adults and in the Mafia business.

If this isn't something people really enjoy, then I probably won't continue it, but this is where the majority of the story would take place (after this oneshot) if this were to become a fully-fledged story on AO3!

Enjoy!

It was another typical day with a lot to do for the blonde, and he was just getting started. He had quite a few ‘scheduled’ appointments today due to him wanting to check every single person under his new leadership now he’d taken control of his old boss's company, which had also meant going through each finance and seeing exactly who was in the ‘family’.

Although Bill himself had known quite a few people, especially the others that visited often, he never knew just how many people were connected to his boss, and after getting a light shock, he decided to see each and every person to see if one of them would be perfect as a personal bodyguard for himself.

His boss had bodyguards that he’d had before, and were given down to him… But Bill wanted one to himself that he trusted, due to the fact he’d managed to get past those same bodyguards and murdered his boss just over two weeks ago. Now, he had someone specifically that had interested him deeply.

Once he’d seen the name he knew that he wanted to meet him again. It had been about seven years since their last meeting, and the man he was waiting for this morning didn’t live in Gravity Falls, he was a part of the extended family that was specifically in California and had a blood relative living in Gravity Falls.

Whatever his legal name used to be, it wasn’t in the books, but that didn’t matter to Bill. He knew that this man was careful with any of his personal information from the moment he came into the business at the young age of twelve. Bill had been there when he had first met his old boss, and through the years the brunette and his boss had kept communication.

Bill had noticed that the male had been given finances from the male he was waiting for this morning and got them on a bi-weekly basis. It wasn’t listed exactly what those sales were or where the money was appearing from, but knowing that the brunette had a business that actively gave Bill money almost inspired him to speak to him.

That had been that. Bill had told his assistant to go and call the brunette (using the right equipment of course) and tell the male to come for today, at 10 AM. Must've been a bit of a shock to the brunette that he had been given a call at all because no one had been told that Bill had come to power officially. He had known it was trickled down the spine of the family, some coming up to him to actively support or congratulate him, or even kill him. Although, Bill was unsure whether this news had gotten to the brunette.

As ‘The Triangle’ was wondering about this exact topic, a voice took him out of his train of thought. “He has arrived Boss, do you want me to bring him through?” Py asked with an edge to her voice. Bill turned his seat around to look at his bodyguard and nodded. “Bring him through,” He replied and stood up, awaiting the brunette.

Bill lit up a cigarette and put it in his mouth, taking in the smoke to his lungs as he awaited the brunette. It didn’t take long for him to appear, and the moment Bill saw the light hit his face, he was certainly glad he’d called.

Dipper, or rather as many called him, Double Dipper, was a short, brown-haired individual. His hair was put in a fairly specific manner, it was obvious to Bill that he’d used wax for this particular occasion to keep his hair in place, and had the clearest skin that Bill had ever seen for a face. No scars in sight, and everything was intact. He had a chiselled look and the only thing slightly obscured out of view was his forehead, where Bill was aware of the birthmark being hidden behind the bushy hair.

He wore a suit, although it was noticeable to Bill that he didn’t like it, his shoulders were almost hidden from view which almost made him think that the brunette wasn't confident enough to meet him. It was the puffed chest that gave the confidence that the brunette needed to keep Bill interested though as the male looked him up and down.

“Pinetree,” Bill breathed. If it were any other situation, any other business, Bill was sure he’d run up to the brunette and hug him. This wasn’t a soft business, and that sort of attitude wasn’t welcome in these parts. Dipper nodded a little, keeping a calm and collected look covered across him. Bill got the faint smell of pines coming off Dipper.

“Mr Cipher, or would you prefer I call you ‘The Triangle?” Dipper asked, trying his best to stay formal, and not have anyone pointing guns at him. That wasn’t the purpose of this visit. He thought he’d been called in by the boss, not the man who had teased him every moment he’d been in Gravity Falls working under the boss.

Bill inhaled his cigarette again before taking it out of his mouth and blowing the smoke into the room. “Bill or Triangle is fine, you’re a friend, and I don’t want to be too formal with you,” Bill told him, eyeing the brunette up as he spoke. The more Bill spoke the more Dipper realised that the only person he was going to be talking to from now on was Bill.

“I’ve been going through our finances recently, and I noticed that your name and contact details were written down with a significant amount of money being given to me… I was wondering, where is it coming from?” Bill asked curiously. In all honesty, Bill didn’t care, he wasn’t that interested in figuring out what the brunette did that gave him the money, usually, all people cared about was that the money was given.

Bill had other motivations for asking this question though, it allowed Bill to understand the brunette more, and more importantly, he could keep him here for longer. “Narcotics mainly, but guns are also something that I tend to sell,” Dipper summarised, he wasn’t going to splurge his operation easily, and neither was Bill expecting him to give it. This information was probably the best Bill could be able to get out of the brunette without any fuss.

Bill hummed as he put out his cigarette in the dish next to him. “I was thinking Pinetree… Maybe you could come on another day for us to discuss things further,” Bill grinned and took a step forward to Dipper. His respective bodyguards inched closer, but neither of the men really noticed. Bill was feasting his eyes on the confusion that was evident across the brunette’s face.

“Not to be out of line, but why would we need another meeting if all we needed to speak about was finances?” Dipper asked, putting a hand on his hip. Bill clicked his tongue watching the movement and took a step back and sat down. “Pinetree you interest me so much… I’ve decided to offer you a position you might not be able to refuse… You just need to prove yourself,” Bill responded, giving him a ‘bored’ look, mainly for the show.

It gave the impression that the blonde had given this offer to other people, and as Bill wanted, it encouraged the brunette to get competitive. Of course, Dipper was the first one and probably the only one that Bill was actually offering for the job, but the more that the brunette was ready to put up a fight, the better his results would be. If he wasn’t easily breakable under the pressure of course, but he would be practically useless if that were to happen.

“My assistant will contact you on the day to come here when we’re ready for you, but for now, prepare,” Bill continued, watching as the cogs working in the brunette’s mind. He nodded a little. “Thank you for your time and offer,” He simply responded and Py took lead in leading them out of the room. Bill grinned, watching them both leave. This was going to be fun.

As Pyronica was leading Dipper out of the building, out of the twists and turns of the building, they had to cross a room he had originally gone through to get here without Pyronica, but this time it had become a little crowded. He played it cool going through until he looked up and heard something…

“...you see that guy? Seeing The Triangle? He’s too cute to be in this business or a killer for that matter…” He heard from across the room. Dipper looked over to the man who had been talking, who wasn’t facing him. Probably one of his biggest mistakes. “...probably just a prostitute,” He heard the man continue, and that’s what cost him.

In a flurry, Dipper put his hand on his Pistol, took the safety off and took it out of its holster. The brunette pointed the gun at the man’s leg, close to where it’d really hurt, and shot. The man wasn’t expecting it, no one was. A loud sound went through the room that silenced everyone, apart from the one who was shot. It was perfect and had gone right through the side of his leg, and almost out the other side.

He screamed and fell off the bar stool he had been sitting on whilst everyone else stood still, looking at Dipper. After a few seconds of watching the man’s pain, he put the safety back on, and slowly put his gun back in its holster. Once Pyronica had seen he was done, she grinned to herself and continued to show the brunette the way out, knowing that their boss would be happy to know.

He hadn’t shot to kill, but he’d shot to suffer. Something that she thought Bill would appreciate.

#gravity falls au #billdip #writing #bill cipher #dipper pines

5 notes · View notes

wildestheart4ever · 3 months ago

Text

Now what kind of man would a kid who was raised mostly by a father who says shit like “With no cops around, anything is legal” and “Yes, burn the child!” going to turn out like, I wonder?

A man with a mostly blasé attitude towards the law? Treating kids like adults?? Short of giving them things they’re not supposed to have, that is.

He’s like the voice of reason, just a bit skewed to the left.

Pays more attention to what the kids are doing and immediately notices when Dipper is hiding something.

“You know your ears turn red when you lie? Your dad is the same way, can’t lie to save his life.”

Quicker to discover the third journal

“Found the third journal.” He announced, dropping the aforementioned book onto the desk in front of his father.

He watched as his dad carefully picked up the book, eyeing the bold number 3 as if he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at

“Where?”

“If you could believe it, Dipper had it. Said he found it in the woods a bit ways from the shack.”

Stan snorted, exasperated as he sorted through the pages, “Right under our noses, unbelievable,” he turned to look at him, wagging the book with a raised brow, “I doubt the kid gave this to you willingly, you pinched it off him or what?”

“Oh, of course not! I just slipped him something.”

The older man’s face pinched into a scowl, “Of all the - Benjamin Stanford Pines, what the fu-“

“Slow your roll, old man -“ Ben quickly interrupted, raising placating hands, “- I just snuck some melatonin into his and Mabel’s drink. Kid needs the sleep anyway.”

“You worry me sometimes, kid, and I’ve been to prison.”

I do know that I just spent the morning playing with the idea of Ben being Gideon’s worst nightmare. Bro is making threats of child protection just to get the little monster off his family’s back

“After all, there has to be a reason for a nine year old to have such anger and need for control. One carefully worded call from CPS can take care of that”

“Try breaking into this house again and I’ll call the cops on your ass for breaking and entering.”

For the sake of keeping the plot of Gideon Rises. Any advice to move the safe to a safer location go ignored, after all, what can a snot nose brat do?

Canon says: A lot

Click for more information

Ben was born in the backseat of Stan’s car

Stan and Carla kept every single one of Ben’s first keepsakes [1st school project, 1st arts n craft and participation award, the works] once they got a roof over their head. Overcompensating for the first few rough years of life with no stability

Nothing like giving Stan feelings of inadequacy than being unable to provide for his family

Took Ben months until he felt secure enough to unpack his backpack.

He has Carla’s dark curly hair and eyes, the shape of her nose and her smile. Sometimes it hurts Stan to look at him and see the reminders

Lives in Seattle

He and dad Pines [I shall call the parents James and Darcy Pines] are on regular speaking terms

Maybe he was the one who helped convince his cousin to send the twins over Gravity Falls for the summer

He used to chase the gnomes off the property with a BB gun

He always greets Soos with a noogie. Older brother privilege, of course.

Privately makes fun of Robbie for being threatened by a twelve year old……and quietly threatens him if he ever thinks of fighting Dipper again

Let’s Mabel paint his nails

Stan calls Mabel “Sweetie” and “Pumpkin”, Ben calls her “Mi lady” fake posh accent and all

He calls Dipper “Chief”

It’s because of him that Stan is a more responsible guardian to the twins

Wendy had a crush on him…..Dipper gets a little weird about it

Ben has a calico cat named Honey, he jokes about her being Stan’s only grandchild. Stan thinks she’s the most spoiled cat in the world

Ben has absolutely no interest in dating

He’s the town darling…..joking, he was the town troll. Stan Pines son through and through

Brought a shotgun to the Weirdmageddon and made himself a menace

Ben Pines, traditional monster hunter vs Ford Pine’s more scientific/magical approach?? That’s a thought

I refuse to believe Stan wasn’t going out there to look for the kids

Thinking up little scenarios for my dad!Stan au that I’m never going to write but it’s fun to think about.

I decided to give him a son named Ben. Ben is the cool uncle that comes over to the shack every random Saturday to make sure everything is in working order.

Is he Stan’s voice of reason, does he slap his old man upside the head when he’s being particularly stupid with the kids? [No Stan, we do not sell out our niece’s hand in marriage to some chump]

I’m trying not to shove him in every situation where it requires someone to be the voice of reason

I don’t know what his job is but now the guy has blood on his hands - did he kill agent Trigger in NWHS? I don’t know, I do know Soos joked about him coming off as very Freddy Kruger in the situation

Does he do wet work?

Omg, is he a hit man???

Point is that he will get his hands dirty in the name of his dad’s mission.

OR, he isn’t there for the whole mishap and shows up the next morning to have a very tense first meeting with his uncle Ford [Ford doesn’t remember Stan’s son, but then again, he barely spared a glance at the slip of a child before dragging Stanley off to talk in private]

I know killing off Stan’s wife is a thing in this au, a little thing that happens long before the series, give some more to the stangst, let his son be a shining beacon in his life [Before Soos comes in to further curb his loneliness that is]

Carla, Carla McCorkle is his wife. The relationship I imagine for them is a very different matter.

Is it something he and Ford talk about in the quiet of the night in the rare moments that they can stand to be in the same room? Maybe

Ford wandering around, looking at what Stan did to his house, seeing all these family pictures and wondering. He figured that the son left at some point as a grown child does, but where’s the wife? Divorced or???

But then I was thinking about Weirdmaggedon and I thought ‘You know, it’s shocking no one actually died in that mess…….we should change that’

So I killed his son too

Now here is a Stan gaining back his memories wondering where his son is. And now I have an old man crying in anguish in my head.

Tears, tears from everyone

#gravity falls #stanley pines #stan pines #pines family #dad!stan au #dad stan pines #oc Pines #Gravity Falls oc

32 notes · View notes

daily-dipcifica-doodles · 3 years ago

Note

What career choice do you see Pacifica taking when she's older? I could see her being a lawyer, real estate or even Mable clothing business partner with the company selling all kinds of sweaters.

oooh boy you made a mistake asking me that cause i'm gonna have so much to say JJDFJFDSKL

don't fret, this WILL include doodles, I'm a doodle sideblog it's my thing ✨

also dipper is gonna be included in little bits of this thing here and there cause dipcifica blog, par for the course 👍

sorry in advance, love!💖

ok SO

when thinking about careers for the kids, including mabel, i try to think about what their goals seem to be in canon vs their talents

for pacifica, her goal is clearing up her family name and her talents are... quite a few for her age. she's charismatic, she has an eye for fashion, she's great at golf though i severely doubt she'd be interested in that as a career, and she probably has a decent amount of knowledge on legality and things in that vein considering who her parents are and what they deal in

she could be an actress, a lawyer, a fashion designer, a model... lotta options there JFDDS

for dipper, his goal is... well he doesn't quite have one tbh. neither him nor mabel lol

we know what he likes! he really loves mysteries, he likes singing (as shy as he is about it) and has a decent voice imo, he's pretty charismatic as well when he feels comfortable and confident in himself, and he's a very analytical guy

but none of those things are a goal per say, and they could all branch off into multiple career paths: archaeologist, adventurer, scientist, novelist, detective...

different circumstances could also change his career path very easily because of his not very solid goal - provided he has enough motive, he could absolutely pull a stan and exploit the supernatural for monetary gain, if something happens to his family or pacifica that would require an easy way to make a lot of money

there's a LOT of ways to decide for dipper and they're all centered around what kind of story one would like to tell lmao

anyway, onto pacifica's options!!

careers for her would depend on how she wants to approach clearing up her family name i'd say?

if she were to decide to become a well-accomplished person so that her family name would be cleared because of how great and well-known she was, she could pursue acting tbh?

there's a lot of things she could do but idk i feel like she could be a great actress if she wanted to be

that or a politician, but i don't think she's interested in the mess that would bring lol, that's more within her father's line of interests

the nice thing about her being an actress is her bringing dipper to all the galas and premieres and stuff and him not knowing how exactly to act in that situation (of course, assuming he didn't pick a career that has him deal with large crowds of people daily - he'd already be used to it in that scenario)

hence: doodle

now, if pacifica were to decide that the best way to clear up her family name would be to take all legal matters into her own hands and go about that very literally, she'd absolutely become a lawyer or something in that vein

this could lead to a lot of sleepless nights especially while she's studying to be a lawyer, so - many fluff and flangst options there ;)

aaand that's all I have on Pacifica rn - it's 5 am so my brain's a lil mush

anyway sorry for the rambling, you activated the essayist in me 😔

i'm very talkative despite how it might seem JDFSKLSD w h o o p s

have a great day! ✨💖

#gravity falls #pacifica northwest #dipper pines #doodles #dipifica #dipcifica #dipper x pacifica #asks

750 notes · View notes

chatxkilluaxnoir · 2 years ago

Text

There is No Turning Back Anymore, Ch3/15:

A bit of a time skip happens, and we get a first look at an older, 16-ish (not super far off from being 17 really probably) Scarlet (Dipper is also around the same age too).

….................

Alright, here is the first non-prologue chapter!

Once again, a bit of a shorter chapter this time around too, but they will get longer (for the most part), I promise.

^_^

I have also updated the AO3 version of this, so for the most updated version of this fic on there, please go here.

….................

Tossed Away (Like Trash) Chapter Summary:

Scarlet finds something that sends her spiraling.

Actual chapter under the cut as (almost) always.

Scarlet had been living in her new home now for 4 years. The longest she had stayed in one place ever since she was put into foster care. Her and her brother were now 16 years old. Just turned one a month ago.

She should be happy. Should. But she wasn’t. She was far from it. For she had found something in her parents’ rooms she hoped to never find. Files that caused her to silently fume in her room that she had run back to after reading them (and putting them back the best she could, so her parents didn’t know she read them), thinking about them. Files that talked about putting her up for adaptation once again.

She didn’t even think that was possible anymore. This wasn’t just a foster home, but supposedly her and her brother’s permanent home. But, somehow, maybe due to her long, not-so-good history in foster care and even her history before that, they had figured out a way to get her put up for adoption once again. To put her back in the Homes.

How could they do this to her?! Put her back in the Homes, to be carted from 1 to the next, probably until she was finally legal to be by herself, which wasn’t even that far off, just a couple years. And when that did happen they would just kick her to the cubs to fend for herself. Like she was nothing. Like trash.

Seriously though! How could they?! How could they?!? She was already 16! No one would want to adopt her at this age. NO ONE!

Scarlet was just positively seething thinking about this. Seething so much, you would think her fiery red hair was actually made out of fire.

……However that wasn’t the biggest reason why she was upset. No, the biggest reason why she was upset–was that Dipper’s name wasn’t anywhere in the files with hers. Not even his “real name”, which would make more sense to show up in the files than the nickname she came up with after seeing his birthmark on his forehead (though that isn’t actually the real reason she started calling him that).

….................

Hmph. Real name. How funny.

Scarlet thought darkly for a split second, before sinking back into her fuming thoughts once again.

Why would they just want to send her back and not Dipper?

Was she not good enough?

Did they love him more than her?

Did they just hate her?

How could they love someone like Dipper more than her!

HER!!!!???

After thinking very jealous and self-hating thoughts for awhile, she calmed down, & came to realize she was being cruel and unfair to Dipper.

That she was being very selfish.

It wasn’t Dipper’s fault after all, that it looked like they wanted to keep him and not her.

It was her parents–no, it was hers–herparentshers–NO!!! It was HERPARENTS’ FAULT!! Just theirs’! Yes, just them, and no else’s. Certainly not her. Nope.

After that barrage of unwanted thoughts, thank you very much. Scarlet had another realization, and a horrifying one at that.

And that was, if they were to send her away, they would be separated, since it would be just her, and not Dipper too. And she didn’t want that. No, not at all.

She loved and needed him far too much for that.

Dipper was her K-adorable brother after all.

Even if they weren’t related by blood, they had been adopted together, and before they were adopted, in the foster home (though they weren’t together in the foster home very long before they were actually adopted. A month, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less at most probably. However, in that short amount of time, they had gotten to know each other well. It was like they had known each other forever), and before that even, they had been close as well. Closer than even Dipper knows. No matter what. They were still siblings! They still loved each other. They still needed each other.

….................

And Scarlet Hood, now named Scarlet Zilver, wouldn’t let them be torn apart. Not again. Never again.

She wouldn’t allow that to happen.

No matter what she had to do.

….................

AN:

Alright.

So I decided to post this earlier after all, lol.

So honestly, just keep on excepting a new chapter every week or 2, with it sometimes being earlier or later (though, with how things have been going, earlier seems more likely for me), because even with the whole fic basically done, I still can't seem to stick a schedule, lol.

Anyways. This chapter, is pretty important for some of (not all) of Scarlet's motives and how she acts around certain people for the rest of the fic. So a pretty important chapter despite not being the longest chapter out there.

See you guys next chapter(s)!!!

….................

P.S.: Some of the spacing and formatting might be exactly right and how I want it on Tumblr, because I am using rich text and not html (though, I can get most of my formatting and spacing right with rich text on AO3 though, so don’t know what is up with that), like some lines and paragraphs and etc., should have more than 1 space between them, and some stuff should be underlined not bolded or italicized or both,

(someone said you could use the link thing to underline, and I tried, but it didn’t work. Probably because it wasn’t a real link, because I didn’t want to actually link anything, just underline, but I don’t know how to do that stuff without using html on tumblr/here, and I rather not deal w/ that. I can deal with that stuff more/better on AO3, when I do use html over rich text, because the editor/poster there is bigger, and there are tools and Docs and info to make it easier)

so I have want more of the actual, real, proper formatting, then AO3 is the place to go over here.

#chatxkilluaxnoir #chat's fics #chat's writings #noir's fics #killua noir's writings!#noir's stories #multi-chapter #multi-chapter fic #gf #gfau #gravity falls #gravity falls au #TINTBA #tau #transcendence au #There is No Turning Back Anymore

7 notes · View notes

ilovelotsofthings · 3 years ago

Text

Never Got Divorced → Eda and Stan

[6/12/2022]

Added: This is a mess. I hope other posts in this Au will be neater.

Needed to figure out the kinks in timeline and ages. Also law… kind of.

Basically this is the planning stage that I posted.

Okay like with all of my AUs I have no real plan per say.

This AU is just that Eda and Stan never got divorced

There is no romantic or sexual attraction.

Just 2 con artists who got married to steal from each other yet it fell through.

Eda ran before any divorce papers were ever given, okay.

Oh yeah since Eda has popped into the human realm since she was like 14 to 16 she got a legal identity.

Her legal identity is her actual name but she just goes by Marilyn.

Makes life easier if there is not hang ups

[Also I want this crap as legal as I can]

Basically she knows more about the human realm then she makes herself appear. She is smart.

Stan knows he never divorced her btw but they still haven't seen the other in decades.

Stan did indeed sign with his legal name.

Now on to less fun things like Math, timeline, and sort of law.

Ages/Timeline.

Stan was born in the late 40s or early 50s.

Just to make a time frame I will say 1945 to 1955 making him anywhere from 67 to 57

Eda was born anywhere from 1974 to 1978. That is if TOH takes place in 2022

Canon also has her in her mid to late 40s. [like 44 to 46. Maybe 47]

If you cannot tell this timeline does not work if we looked at both canon.

(As in my "Law" section for them to be legally married they would've had to sign their actual names and Stanley Pines would be dead. I want those 2 married and not the hilarious image of Stan getting Eda married to Ford. Which means the canon timeline cannot work. Another knot is the fact she would have to have gray hair when they married which would point to "Stanford '' marrying her. So also ignoring that, she is still a ginger. Good thing this is an Au.)

Since the canon timeline will not work here it is reworked. ■

Eda was born in 1976 making her 46 years old in 2022.

Her "Human" identity which is her legal name on the Boiling Isles with a smudged birth year. That year being 1974 [21. She can legally drink now]

Stan was born 1965 making him 57 in 2022.

Eda and Stan got married in Las Vegas in 1995 with her dipping after stealing the car and earnings.

Ford Pines went into his portal in 1996. So Stanley "died" that same year.

Then everything in canon happened the same except Eda told King more of the truth and didn't wait till Season 2 episode 3. The legal adoption still didn't happen until later though.

Also because I shifted the timeline by a decade that means Mabel and Dipper are only a year (maybe 2) younger than Luz.

OH also since this is an au. Season 3 (as it hasn't come out yet) is non canon.

Law [Sort of. Not a lawyer and I got my info off of Google]

In real life it seems if the married person goes missing and is declared dead [or is just presumed dead] the couple is no longer married.

Also if they got remarried their marriage is valid and not the previous one.

This is in fact boring for this Au as Stanley "died" their marriage would no longer be valid.

So yeah no that law doesn't exist in this universe unless they remarried

Also Eda proved her existence to the American government (Not as a witch) by just showing proof of her being there for a while.

Still she fibbed as she wasn't born in Usa and has no proof of her living there as a baby or child.

Either way she did it.

Basically she legally exists. Neither got remarried so I am pretending they are still legally married.

While I am having trouble finding out if you can adopt without your spouse knowing it looks like a maybe.

I mean Eda mostly live on The Boiling Isles and adopted King there so it wouldn't matter anyways

Basically their marriage exists and the GF timeline changed by a decade.

[Stopping here 6/12/2022]

^ Did that so the next post looks neater than this mess

The next post should be the meeting of Pine Twins and The Group (Hunter, Luz, Gus, Willow, Amity, and Vee)

#au #never got divorced au #aka #Eda and Stan #long post #mess #unnamed au #very messy post #i am not kidding

4 notes · View notes

itsthemysterykids · 3 years ago

Note

Can you give us a scenario on how you all meet ?

Mabel: Yeah, it was the beginning of summer. I was quietly sipping a milkshake with Dipper*

*Flashback*

Mabel: *Laughing* And then I said, ‘That’s not the yarn brand I use!’ And then I- *She raises her hand, accidentally hitting Norman in the face as he was walking by with Neil, Coraline, and Wybie*

Norman: Ow!

Mabel: …

Mabel/Dipper/Norman/Neil/Coraline/Wybie: *Laughing*

*Record scratch*

Coraline: Wait a minute, that’s from Bob’s Burgers.

Wybie: And weren’t we outside?

Lili: I’m pretty sure we met on a bus here.

Wybie: Yeah, but we didn’t talk to each other on the bus, right?

Neil: Wait, here’s what happened.

*Flashback*

*The Mystery Kids get off the bus*

Coraline: I guess the six of us are stuck together for the summer. Let’s be friends, solve mysteries, and vent our problems to each other.

Norman: Sounds fun.

Mabel: Got room for two more? My brother and I are campers, too!

Raz: The more venting the better. Me first! My dad hates me and I can’t swim!

Wybie: My parents abandoned me and my legal name is Wyborne.

Mabel: I can’s sleep at night because of a triangle demon that haunts my nightmares.

*End flashback*

Lili: No…

Mabel: Yeah, that’s now how it went.

Coraline: That’s not the Coraline I know.

Raz: … Oh shit, how did we meet?

Wybie: We were all going to camp, and… Uh… Yeah, we were going to camp.

Dipper: Then what? We just started hanging out together?

Norman: I guess… Okay, let’s just leave it at that, I guess.

#coraline #mystery kids #paranorman #gravity falls #psychonauts #the mystery kids #ask stuff #answered ask

5 notes · View notes

absolutely-correct-amphibia · 4 years ago

Text

So I compiled a list of all the information we received from the Matt Braly AMA

1. Matt hopes Apothecary Gary will return

2. Anne has been to Thailand

3. Whatever is outside Amphibia is considered a spoiler

4. Sasha is an average student and only plays video games when Marcy drags her into it

5. Marcy wasn't written to be autistic

6. SJMS was the name of Matt's school

7. Matt actually dislikes the lyrics in theme song, to the point that he vomited

8.Amphibia is "as old as our world" while Wartwood had been around for a millennia

9. Marcy was originally a musical prodigy in the early days of development which is why she's holding a guitar in some character models

10. The show is a three act story and we're currently in the second act

11. The pandemic significantly impacted season two episodes' production to the point that they were completed just a week before airing

13. If the roles were reversed with Sprig getting transported to Earth and living with the Boonchuys instead then he'll actually do well for himself because he's cute

14. Matt hopes to do more crossover episodes

15. The date of the girls' birthdays are considered spoilers, so is their middle names and family lives

16. Punk girl's name is Cheyenne

17. Matt would love a comic series, either one set in Amphibia or on Earth

18. Matt was "dumbfounded" by Maggie's unexpected popularity

19. Sasha was based on a friend of his, who was similar in terms of personality

10. Matt has mixed feelings about a fourth or fifth season, doesn't want the show to outstay it's welcome

11. Polly will grow legs this season

12. Valeriana and Tritonio possibly reappearing this season is considered a spoiler

13. Matt would love for Jhope to voice a frog

14. When asked if Sasha was bisexual: "Glad you can relate to this character, stay tuned"

15. Anne and Sasha's rematch will be "volcanic"

16. Sasha represses her emotions towards Anne because it's easier for her

17. Season 3 will explore what's up with the title card mural

18. Anne isn't actually fluent in Thai

19. We'll see which eye of Grime actually functions

20. Interspecies families are 100% thing in Amphibia

21. There will be decipherable runes later on

22. Marcy will get more flashbacks

23. Whoever the skipman belonged to is considered a spoiler

24. Amphibia is set in 2019

25. Sasha is confirmed to change over the course of the show

26. Anne's missing shoe is still in the ruins of Toad Tower

27. Sasha vs Sprig fight is considered spoilers

18. One of the special episodes with a twenty minute runtime is a Halloween special that will air on October

19. Marcy and Yunnan definitely crossed paths before which is why the latter wasn't surprised at seeing Sasha despite her being a human

20. Wartwood townies confirmed to return, not just Wally

21. Hop Pop knows too much and not much

22. The toxic element in Anne and Marcy's relationship is considered a spoiler

23. Time possibly passing differently in Amphibia is considered a spoiler

24. A hiatus will happen but not a very long one

25. Matt hopes there'll be a Surinam Toad and Caecilian character

26. Grime's last name is considered a spoiler

27. We'll see what Polly's hair color is going to be

28. Anne is probably still only in private school because her parents pay them very well

29. Sand Wars prequel is possible in comic book form

30. Dipper and Mabel would be frogs in Amphibia

31. Curator confirmed for dead

32. Frog Soos is now the new owner of the Curiosity Hut

33. Bill Cipher? Who can say?

34. Characters may not entirely be accurate when calculating how much time has passed since the first episode

35. How the girls first met each other is considered a spoiler

36. Anne is the the queen of compartmentalizing

37. More Sprivy episodes confirmed

38. Polly is five years old

39. Marcy coming to Wartwood with the Plantars is considered a spoiler

40. Mr and Ms. Boonchuy will make a physical appearance

41. Hop Pop may have never married

42. The fate of Sprig and Polly's parents are considered spoilers

43. Season 2 has as many episodes as Season 1, twenty

44. The reason why Matt stoped using Amphibiland as the show's title was because of a legal dispute

45. Amphibia is as big as Australia

46. No body swap episode

47. Anne is into marsupials zoo books and romance manga

48. Sprig's three heroes figures were given as a birthday gift

49. Sasha and Marcy may have tossed their uniforms once they got their new outfits though Marcy could have kept hers

50. Owl House crossover is very much possible if there's enough support for it

51. Why Marcy looked so smug in the season one flashbacks is considered a spoiler

52. Anne's family probably isn't Catholic though but Sasha and Marcy's families may be

53. Matt currently has three seasons planned "for this particular story arc"

54. Amphibia is "an ode to past friendships"

-Mod Response-

Anon, I may not know your name but you are a hero.

#amphibia #mod noodle talks #submission

277 notes · View notes

portalford · 4 years ago

Text

I Can Picture You So Easily

AO3

It hits Stan at the stupidest times.

Well. That makes it sounds like Stan just forgets, when really it never quite goes away — sometimes it’s just more.

Like now.

He’s looking in the mirror — he found it tucked way, way back in a closet (and he’s gonna skip right over that because when he got here the mirror in the bathroom was broken, cracked until you couldn’t see a thing and why was Ford—nope) — and he’s trying out a new look for Mr. Mystery.

Gotta keep it fresh, right? Accessorize?

Glasses aren’t accessories, unfortunately. He can’t go without them anymore.

(Really, he needed them years ago, but he was too stubborn to admit it, or too broke, or whatever, but he’s literally tripping over his own feet now. Needs must).

Ford wouldn’t be caught dead in this getup. No sense of fashion. So that’s fine.

The glasses—

(Ford started wearing glasses when he was six. Stan had laughed himself silly when they went to the drugstore and tried on the biggest, most obnoxious frames they could find. Ma had scolded, but she’d been too distracted checking price tags to do more than scold.

In the end, they went with some cheap horn-rimmed frames that Stan wouldn’t be caught dead in even now. Old-man glasses, at six. But that was Ford all over).

—they bring some stuff up. The twin thing sucks, sometimes.

(Looking in a mirror and seeing the changes, the lines in his face, the grey in his hair — does Ford have crow’s feet now? Is his hair going silver? It was always unmanageable — is it thinning like Stan’s is now, or is it still thick and flyaway, like it was when Ford was sixteen? Did he even live long enough to get lines in his face and aches in his joints, or is he forever twenty-eight, dead somewhere in the universe?)

Time to stop thinking.

Notice the differences.

Stan’s ears and nose are bigger than Ford’s, always have been. He’s heavier and his shoulders are broader.

(Has Ford gotten bulkier, fighting to survive? Or is still he halfway to gaunt, like the last time Stan saw him?)

Definitely time to stop thinking.

Stan flashes a smile, and yeah, that’s all him. Cheerful, magnetic, and a hundred percent fake.

Time to work the crowds.

*****

There’s an ad for the nice ink pens Ford saved up to buy when he was fourteen.

Stan turns it off.

*****

Mabel finds a picture, once.

“Grunkle Stan!” Her eyes are all lit up as she shows him the torn photograph. “I found this under a floorboard in the attic!”

If Stan ever had any doubts about his poker face, he can lay them to rest now. It’s all on the ropes and his expression is perfectly level, maybe even a little curious.

Mabel is still talking. “I didn’t know there were pictures of you before you were all old! Do you have any others?”

Oh.

Stan still forgets sometimes, even after everything, that most people can’t tell him and Ford apart.

He knows better.

The young man in the photograph is unmistakably Ford, taken while he was living in Gravity Falls. He’s got his head bent over that journal of his, but the photographer managed to catch the eager light in his eye, the edge of his smile.

Stan wonders who that photographer was, all those years ago.

A tug at his shirt reminds him he’s not alone, and he definitely can’t get messed up about this picture of his secret twin brother.

Mabel’s face has fallen a bit. “Grunkle Stan? Are you okay?”

Stan gives himself two more seconds to look at the picture — Ford just looks so happy; Stan can’t even remember the last time Ford looked like that, even before it all fell apart — and turns to Mabel.

“Yeah,” he says. He smiles and ruffles her hair. “Pretty good picture, huh?”

*****

The name is the worst.

Stan never thought identity theft could involve so little fun.

Usually he can get away with just “Stan Pines,” and that’s fine. That’s his name. That’s who he’s supposed to be.

Sometimes, though, that’s not enough for whoever’s asking.

“What did you say your name was again?”

He smiles. Lays it on thick. “Stanford Pines.”

“Could you sign here?”

He does. His blocky, uneven handwriting looks even worse than usual where he’s expecting to see neat, flowing script, the way Stanford Pines is supposed to be written.

“This is Stanford Pines,” someone will say. “Mr. Mystery.”

Stan smiles some more. Yes, Stanford Pines is certainly that.

Gideon is the worst. Stanford this and Stanford that and Stan’s never wanted to punch a child so much in his life.

“Stanford Pines!”

He smiles, and he lies.

*****

Dipper halfway drives him nuts sometimes.

It’s not like the kid’s a mini-Ford — he reminds Stan enough of himself, sometimes, though Stan’s not sure that’s great either — but he’s got the brains and the stubbornness and the love of weird nonsense, for sure.

He’s also got that obsessive edge, the drive that sent Ford right off the metaphorical cliff.

Usually Mabel tags along on the weirdness hunts — they make a day of it. They go out, just the two of them, and come back laughing and joking and shoving at each other.

That’s enough of a painful reminder, but sometimes Stan will catch Mabel sitting by herself, coloring or crafting with a little less energy than usual, and he’ll realize that Dipper’s buried himself in monster theory again.

He tries to keep the kid busy with chores and hustle, but it’s a losing battle.

It was the first time, too.

*****

There’s this old song that Ford used to love when they were younger.

It’s got no words, and Stan used to make fun of it — what's the point of a song with no words? But Ford insisted it had Meaning, capital M.

It comes on the radio now and then.

Depending on how masochistic Stan is feeling that day, he might let it play.

He still wonders what Ford heard in this song, and if Ford would hear it now.

*****

He realizes, one day near the end, that he’s been Stanford longer than he’s been Stanley.

What’s the point, really? What does a name matter if it’s so easy for someone else to take your place?

(Did Ford matter so little, in the grand scheme of things, that not one person could recognize him in a place he lived for six years?

Does Stan, in a place he’s lived for almost thirty?)

If he could just stop catching Ford in his reflection now and then, that’d be great.

*****

It’s not any better once Ford gets back (once Stan brings Ford back, the ungrateful bastard).

“Stanford!”

Stan’s got a smile on his face before he even turns around, and what’s wrong with him that he’s halfway made this lie into a Pavlovian response? Someone calls him Stanford, he smiles and lies.

(Stanford — the real Stanford — is in the basement right now. He doesn’t even exist, as far as anyone else is concerned. Stan is Stanford, Stanley is dead, and Ford is a nonentity.

What a life this is).

*****

“So how was it?”

Stan grunts. “How was what?”

Ford rolls his neck, wincing a little as he works out the unavoidable crick from hunching over a drawing for twenty minutes. “Being me.”

Stan shrugs. “Wasn’t hard. We’re basically the same person, y’know.”

Ford snorts. A long time (a lifetime) ago that comment might have gotten him worked up, but he’s steadier now, softer around the edges. “Very funny. I saw your lease renewal. You didn’t even change your handwriting, for heaven’s sake.”

“Ford, I rolled up to town, said I was you, and started a tourist trap. You had a total personality transplant and nobody noticed.” Stan grimaces. That sounded really bad.

Ford’s expression has gone rueful and a little sad at the edges, but he doesn’t seem like he’s about launch into full-blown self-recrimination, so that’s fine. “Yes, well. That’s what happens when you isolate yourself for six years and your only friend erases his mind to cope with the mistakes you made.”

And that’s Ford trying to shoulder all the blame again, but Stan keeps his mouth shut. They’re both too comfortable to argue right now. “Being honest — for once — it kinda sucked.” Ford’s looking at him, open and encouraging, so Stan keeps going. “Everyone thought I was you, and it—I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be.” Stan shrugs. “I wanted you you.”

Ford smiles, and it’s a little more worn than Stan remembers, but it’s real, and it’s him. “I understand. I met a few parallel versions of you on my travels, and they were you, but — they weren’t really you.” Ford closes his journal (his new one) and sets it aside, tipping his head back over his chair. More playfully, he adds, “I wouldn’t want to be you either, Stanley.”

Stan laughs. “Yeah? Couldn’t handle the salesmanship?”

“Have more self-respect than to wear any part of your wardrobe.”

“Says the man who wears sweaters in the summer.”

Ford lifts his head and smiles, and this time it’s almost exactly how Stan remembers — quick and a little crooked. “Fair enough.” Ford stretches, rolls his neck again. “For what it’s worth, Stanley, I am glad to be back.” A wry look. “Even if it’s going to take ages to sort out the criminal record you gave me.”

Stan slouches deeper into the couch. Any further and he’s going to slide off, but that’s a risk he’ll take. “Yeah, yeah. Talk to me when you’re legally dead.”

“You did that.”

“And?”

“I legally don’t exist.”

“I was trying to learn theoretical physics at the time, Stanford; cut a man some slack.”

Ford laughs, quiet. “Did I ever thank you for that?”

Stan cracks an eye open. He didn’t realize he closed them. “What, learnin’ physics? Because I’m pretty sure that’s some of the stuff that’s not coming back.”

Ford rolls his eyes. “For saving me.”

“Hm.” Ford’s thanked him several times, but lately it’s been less Ford kicking himself and more Ford cautiously trying to engage in the old back-and-forth they used to have, and Stan can get behind that one. “I dunno. Might have to say it again.”

“You’re burning through my gratitude very quickly,” Ford says mildly, “but all right. Thank you for saving me. You knucklehead.”

Stan never got called that when he was Ford. He thinks he’s missed it, at least the way Ford says it — like it means something completely different.

“Uh-huh.” Stan’s eyes are closed again. He figures he’ll just leave them closed. “Missed you too, nerd.”

And maybe there’s something to be said for being your own person.

It feels pretty good.

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #stanley pines #stanford pines #back on the angst with a happy ending train #feat. a side of introspection and melodrama!#i love it here

122 notes · View notes

the-fiction-witch · 4 years ago

Photo

I sat reading over some paperwork from the last tournament, in my quiet and tidy apartment. Suddenly the phone rang so I sighed picking it up and putting it to my ear putting my paperwork down.

"Hello?"

"I need you to do me a favour" Her familiar voice asks, I shut my eyes a moment sighing

"What?" I asked

"I need a babysitter" "I am not a babysitter"

"Can you just... Please." she asks

"I am not a babysitter y/n"

"I'll give you twenty bucks"

"Sixty"

"Twenty five" "Fifty five" "Twenty five and when I get back I'll bring you dinner"

"... Deal" I sighed "Bring her over I'm home all day" I told her before hanging up the phone "Fuck" I sighed rubbing my eyes going to make myself a coffee, By the time I made it and manged to get about half of the little cup down there was a loud knock at my door so I sighed and went opening it

"Give me a hand you dick!" she complained so I went out and helped her bringing the pram down the stairs into my apartment, the little blue and white pram sat now perfectly in my living room full of blankets and little toys, y/n followed and shut the door getting her jacket off sorting though her huge bag. as she did I looked into the mess of blankets in the pram seeing the little blue dress and Y/H/C hair.

"Hello... Small Human"

"Have you forgotten her name?"

"No, I know her name" I complained "Harriet?" I began but y/n glared at me "Henrietta?" she still glared "Hecet-" "Lisa" she corrected

"Yes, right Lisa. Where did I get the idea she started with a H then?"

"No idea benny" she sighed putting her bag on the table "Bring my baby"

"Uhhh okay" I shrug picking little Lisa up by her arms pulling her up like a I would to help anyone up from a sitting position

"No!" she yelled taking her from me "You do not! pick a baby up like that benny!" she yelled

"Well I don't know?"

"I hate having to leave her with you" she sighed

"why are you leaving her with me anyway?"

"I have to pick up a late shift for Alice and my usual babysitter is busy, so ... its you or I take her to work with me"

"I think you'd be better taking her to work with you" I told her

"Benny watts do I need to remind you I'm a waitress in a strip club?"

"No, I just think she'd be better in the back room with the girls then here with me"

"... You might be right" she sighed "But you're in charge" she says handing me Lisa "Like this" she says making me hold her properly

"Why am I in charge?"

"Because you're my only option"

"Why am I in charge of the thing you pushed out of your virgina?"

"Because your a babysitter" "You birthed it you manage it" I told her to which she slapped my arm rather hard "OWww!"

"you're in charge Because I say so benny now you wanna shut up and listen so I can get to work?" she asks so I sighed and nodded "dippers, wet wipes, don't let her sit in one just because you don't wanna do it she'll get a rash, she should wanna nap so just let her sleep in her pram with her teddy bear, if she's hungry give her milk" she says putting a couple of bottles on the side "Use it sparingly it's all you've got for tonight" she says

"Can't I go out and buy more? it's just formula right?"

"No you can't"

"Why not?" "Its not formula"

"Oh... Oohh. Its uhh"

"Yes Benny its breast milk. your a big boy you can handle it" she says “Also put a shirt on”

“Why?

“Because you are caring for my baby put a shirt on” she warns “But a shirt on you whining little weasle”

“Fine, I’ll do it in a minuet” I told her

"Don't kill my baby. I'll be back at One" she says kissing Lisa's head and tapping her nose making her giggle "don't kill my baby" she warns going to the door getting her jacket

"I won't kill your baby" I told her

"Fine, don't neglect my baby benny" she warns as she left, and the moment my door closed she started to whine and cough and before I could even think she started crying loudly

"Great... This is gonna be fun" I sighed putting her in her pram and getting a shirt on going and sitting at my table trying to get my work done over her crying "what!" I yelled and she stopped "what do you want!" she simply stuck out her arms so I sighed picking her up sitting Lisa on my leg as I worked "This is why I'm not a fucking babysitter"

"Fuck" she giggled

"ohh no...." I said "Y/n's gonna kill me"

"Fuck! fuck! fuck!" she giggled

"Ohh noo that was your first word wasn't it?"

“Fuck!”

“Ohh fuck” I sighed.

“I’m home!” y/n smiled as she got in the door

“Will you... sssshhhh!” I told her as I had just that moment got lisa into bed in her pram

“Sorry benny, have fun being a babysitter”

“I wish to never babysit again” I told her

“Well, she’s alive, and so are you. You did better then I thought you would” she smiled giving my cheek a kiss taking the things she had brought for dinner to the kitchen “How was she? really?”

“fine, just cries alot.”

“she’s a baby benny. They do that” she laughs

“I noticed”

“Maybe I should make you be my regular baby sitter?”

“Not on your life”

“You should spent more time with her you know?”

“I know, I’m just no good with kids. Its not that I don’t wanna be around y/n I just... don’t know and I don’t wanna mess her up”

“You think I know anymore then you do?”

“True” I shrug “Ohh uhh on that note I may have uhh-” I began as I heard Lisa waking up from our talking

“Fuck!” she giggled and y/n looked like she wanted to kill me

“Did you teach her a word benny?”

“yes...”

“See. This shit. This is why I divorced you” she sighed going to gather her stuff

“You didn’t divorce me”

“Yes I did” “No you didn’t legally we weren’t ever married”

“By las Vegas Law we where Mr and Mrs watts for a grand total of sixty four hours. We we’re married. and then I divorced you”

“And then you found out you where pregnant”

“I did. Benny... If you wanna be a part of her life I have no issue with that. But for all intensive purposes, she’s my baby. I got pregnant I dealt with it, and I birthed it. she’s my baby you wanna be part of her life then ask. and read a fucking parenting book” she says pushing the pram to the door “See you around benny”

“See ya Y/n” I told her as she headed out the door “Wait!” I told her going after her helping her carry the pram up the stairs to the street picking lisa up and giving her a cuddle and a kiss “Bye bye lisa”

“Bye daddy” she smiled

58 notes · View notes