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fortunatelyfresco · 4 years ago

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A Holistic Integration of Type 1 Narcolepsy into the Reading of Moist von Lipwig

Literary Interpretation, Disability, and Finding Yourself Between the Lines

As it goes, "I wrote this for me, but you can read it if you want." It might be a fun ride for anyone who is very interested in Moist von Lipwig, or narcolepsy, or both, and/or anyone who enjoys collecting small details from within a body of work and arranging them into threads that are supportable by the text, without being actually suggested by it.

Personally, I find it very interesting to read the meta behind different headcanons, and see how creators can unintentionally write a character who fits certain criteria. There are only so many traits, after all, and some of them tend to travel in groups! Humans are pattern seekers, etc etc.

The first step of reading Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic is wanting to read Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic. Being narcoleptic myself and relating heavily to Moist, this step was very easy. I invite you to take my hand and come along, at least briefly, if you were interested enough to click the readmore.

Once you have taken that step, things start falling into place. At least they do if you're intimately familiar with narcolepsy, or if you first learn about it in detail through, for instance, a Tumblr post with an agenda :)

I'll break this down symptom by symptom, citing only the ones I both have personal experience with and see textual support for.

I'll be using OverDrive's search function to catalogue "evidence" in (the American editions of) Going Postal, Making Money, and Raising Steam, so I might miss passages that don't use certain keywords.

Please take any statements along the lines of "being narcoleptic means X" with a huge grain of salt. Sometimes it's just more succinct. Narcolepsy can manifest in many different ways, and is still being actively studied. Don't base your entire understanding of it on a fandom essay I wrote to cope with the crushing pressures of capitalism. I have not even fully read the scientific studies linked here as sources.

Here we go! Spoilers abound.

I. Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) and sleep attacks.

Being narcoleptic means (salt now, please) that your brain does not get adequate rest while you sleep, no matter how much you sleep. This is because of a disturbance in the order and length of REM and NREM sleep phases. This leads to constant exhaustion. Some sources describe narcoleptic EDS as "comparable to [the sleepiness] experienced by a healthy individual who has been sleep-deprived continuously for 48–72 hours."

(Source.)

Sleep attacks can come on gradually or suddenly. In my case, I become irritable and easily overwhelmed, and nothing matters except finding a place to lie down. A more severe attack, under the right circumstances, can put me to sleep while I'm actively trying to stay awake and engaged.

Moist refers to 6:45 am as "still nighttime." He is "allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day" and is "not good at early mornings," and the narration even cites this as "one of the advantages of a life of crime; you didn't have to get up until other people had got the streets aired."

In Going Postal, he repeatedly falls asleep at his desk. I can only find two instances, but the first one describes it as having happened "again," so it happens at least three times over the course of one week. Both of the times I found were after Mr. Pump cleared his apartment, giving him access to a bed, and I can't find any reference to the fire destroying it—just that his office is "missing the whole of one wall." His presumably wooden desk is still intact, even, just "charred."

There's also no build-up either time. No direct narration of the time right before he falls asleep, just retroactive accounting for it.

Which is primarily a function of stories not showing us every boring second, and secondarily one of the smaller ways we're shown Moist being overwhelmed and racing to keep up with himself, but tertiarily it's a great set dressing if you've already decided he's narcoleptic. Sometimes sleep is just a thing that happens, without any deliberate transition. Sometimes you sit down to catch your breath or get some paperwork done, and wake up several hours later.

I've found only one example in GP of Moist waking up in his actual bed at the post office: the morning after being possessed by all the undelivered letters. Presumably either they put him there, or Mr. Pump did.

There are two points in Making Money where Moist, in an effort to be a comforting and/or guiding hand, advises people to get some sleep. First Owlswick Jenkins, and then one of the clerks (Robert) who is worried about Mr. Bent.

I take the optimistic view that this is Moist genuinely caring about these people, not just trying to get them to do what he wants. He has always done some combination of those things (GP opens with him having befriended his jailers, after all), but there's definitely a thread of him learning to treat both himself and those around him more like real people. (See also.)

Looking at this thread through narcolepsy-colored lenses, you get Moist perhaps drawing from his own experiences in an effort to be helpful. In Owlswick or Robert's position, what is something he would want to hear from the man currently in charge of his fate, or at least his job? "Get some sleep."

If we accept this as a pattern, it culminates in Raising Steam, when Moist starts to worry about "Dick Simnel and his band of overworked engineers," fixating particularly on their lack of sleep.

What sleep they got was in sleeping bags, curled up on carriage seats, eating but not eating well, just driven by their watches and their desire to keep the train going.

[...]

"People are going to die if we push them any further," he said to Dick. "You lot would rather work than sleep!"

[...]

The young man swayed in front of him and Moist's tone became gentle. "And I see now that part of my job is to tell you that you need some rest. You've run out of steam, Dick. Look, we're well on the way to Uberwald now, and while it's daylight and we're out of the mountains it's going to be the least risky time to run with minimum crew. We're all going to need our wits about us when we get near the pass. Surely you can take some rest?"

Simnel blinked as if he'd not seen Moist the first time, and said, "Yes, you're right."

And Moist could hear the slurring in the young man's speech, caught him before he fell and dragged him into a sleeping compartment, put him to bed, and noted that the engineer didn't so much fall asleep as somehow flow into it.

Moist then recruits Vimes to help him talk the rest of the engineers into getting some rest. The two of them briefly commiserate about people not realizing how important it is.

"I have to teach that to young coppers. Treasure a night's rest, I always say. Take a nap whenever you can."

"Very good."

II. Insomnia.

This is a lesser-known but very common symptom of narcolepsy. Or a comorbidity, depending on how you look at it. It seems counterintuitive if narcolepsy has been presented to you as "sleeping all the time," but it makes sense once you know it's really a matter of disruption in the brain's ability to regulate sleep cycles.

The case for this symptom is flimsier, and I fully admit I'm just reading my own experience into it. But here are two excerpts from Going Postal that I find quite suitable for my sleepy agenda:

1. "A man of affairs such as he had to learn to sleep in all kinds of situations, often while mobs were looking for him a wall's thickness away."

I latched hard onto this detail the first time I read GP.

At my worst, I could not get more than a couple hours of sleep in my bed. I kept taking naps in the bath because it was one of the few places I could sleep. It seemed to fulfill some of the criteria (isolation, temperature control, etc) that my brain demanded in exchange for playing nice.

We're told over and over again, throughout Moist's books, that he functions best under pressure.

(Brief aside: This is often cited as a reason to interpret Moist as having ADHD, which I'm also fully on board with. Not coincidentally, narcolepsy and ADHD share a few symptoms, have a notable comorbidity rate, and are treated with some of the same medications. Source.)

So again, if you're already inclined to read Moist as narcoleptic, the following is an easy jump:

"Moist thinks he's good at sleeping in strange places under strange circumstances. This is because A) his basis for comparison is a disordered attempt to sleep in normal places under normal circumstances, B) something about danger satisfies his brain into running more smoothly, and C) he's a resourceful person who is 'not given to introspection,' and so is less likely to wonder why his body demands sleep at strange times and more likely to focus on finding a place for that sleep to happen, and chalk this up later as a skill."

And returning briefly to EDS: Why would someone like Moist waste time finding a safe place to sleep while people are actively trying to kill him? At the beginning of GP, he leaves Vetinari's office and immediately goes on the run. In multiple books, when he feels threatened, his brain instinctively launches into complex escape plans. We see him successfully blend into an Ankh-Morpork crowd at least once after becoming a public figure.

So why bother? After all, a safe place to sleep is also a safe place to change clothes, or at least remove whatever distinguishing features he's given himself. Why wouldn't he just become someone else and leave town immediately?

The obvious answer is that sometimes things just happen, and an author doesn't need to know or explain every single detail of a character's past.

I would suggest, though, that one of those things might be Moist reaching a point where sleep is just not optional. A point where he not only doesn't, but can't, care about anything else. Where he is too tired to think straight, too tired to talk his way out of trouble, too tired to even contemplate the long journey from one town to the next.

2. "Moist knew he ought to get some sleep, but he had to be there, too, alive and sparkling."

Sometimes (especially in combination with underlying mental health issues) narcoleptic sleep deprivation can bypass everything I've described so far, and lead straight into a manic state. You won't necessarily find that on Google, but it's been my experience.

That's obviously not what the text is implying. "Alive and sparkling" is just a very relatable description. And we do often see Moist getting away from himself, speaking without thinking, making absurd promises that he justifies immediately afterwards as Just Part Of Being Him, always raising the stakes.

And here are a couple of excerpts from Raising Steam that could be interpreted as Moist being a light sleeper, AKA struggling to get deep sleep:

1. "And slowly Moist shut down, although a part of him was always listening to the rhythm of the rails, listening in his sleep, like a sailor listening to the sounds of the sea."

2. "All Moist's life he'd managed to find a way of sleeping in just about every circumstance and, besides, the guard's van was somehow the hub of the train; and although he didn't know how he did it, he always managed to sleep with half of one ear open."

Moist is exactly the kind of opportunist to see that as a useful tool, isn't he?

III. Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic Hallucinations.

These are hallucinations that come on as you're falling asleep or waking up. They can also happen during REM intrusions while you're awake. My most memorable ones include piano notes, someone calling my name, being trapped in the waves of a large body of water, and a huge truck going over a guard rail and tumbling down a hill. These are often, but not always, accompanied by sleep paralysis (and sleep paralysis is often, but not always, accompanied by hallucinations).

In GP, Moist casually cites his own hallucinations as proof that what is happening at the post office is not one.

"They're all alive! And angry! They talk! It was not a hallucination! I've had hallucinations and they don't hurt!"

Obviously that's not true for everyone, but it's true for Moist, and he has enough experience that he immediately recognizes the difference.

At one point while awake, Moist "[snaps] out of a dream of chandeliers" to realize someone has approached him to talk, while he was busy having visions of what the post office used to look like/could look like again.

Now, that's cheating, because we're probably supposed to assume it's a side effect of being possessed, but... I'm putting it here anyway.

There is also perhaps a case to be made for the tendency of Moist's internal monologue to lapse into extremely specific and prolonged hypotheticals. The lines between hallucinations, waking dreams, and "regular" daydreams have always been very blurry to me. I'm especially curious about the example at the end of Going Postal, which goes like this:

"Look, I know what I'm like," he said. "I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I just wanted to prove to myself I'm not like Gilt. More than a hammer, you understand? But I'm still a fraud by trade. I thought you knew that. I can fake sincerity so well that even I can't tell. I mess with people's heads—"

"You're fooling no one but yourself," said Miss Dearheart, and reached for his hand.

Moist shook her off, and ran out of the building, out of the city, and back to his old life, or lives, always moving on, selling glass as diamond, but somehow it just didn't seem to work anymore, the flair wasn't there, the fun had dropped out of it, even the cards didn't seem to work for him, the money ran out, and one winter in some inn that was no more than a slum he turned his face to the wall—

And an angel appeared.

"What just happened?" said Miss Dearheart.

Perhaps you do get two...

"Only a passing thought," said Moist.

In-universe... what is Adora reacting to? What did just happen? The fact that these incidents are not isolated to Going Postal is a point against it being some sort of literal timeline divergence caused by The Spirit Of The Post.

So maybe Moist visibly zoned out. Maybe he had some kind of minor but noticeable cataplexy attack (more on those later) as part of a REM intrusion, brought on by the intense emotions he's currently struggling with.

IV. Vivid Dreams.

Again, at least some of this is probably supposed to be part of the possession, but I've been professionally projecting myself onto the surreal dreams of magically afflicted characters for years. Do try this at home.

1. "Moist dreamed of bottled wizards, all shouting his name. In the best tradition of awaking from a nightmare, the voices gradually became one voice, which turned out to be the voice of Mr. Pump, who was shaking him."

2. Moist is uneasy about the Smoking Gnu's plan, and then he has an extremely detailed dream about the Grand Trunk burning down.

This culminates in "Moist awoke, the Grand Trunk burning in his head," followed by a paragraph of him thinking things through and starting to form his own alternative plan, followed immediately by "Moist awoke. He was at his desk, and someone had put a pillow under his head."

So he fell asleep at his desk, woke up from a vivid nightmare, was awake just long enough for a coherent train of thought, and then passed back out. Which once again is not "proof" of anything, but fits the predetermined interpretation like a glove.

V. Cataplexy.

Cataplexy is a sudden loss of muscle control, usually triggered by strong emotions. This is thought to be a facet of REM intrusion—waking instances of the atonia that is meant to stop us from acting out our dreams.

The most well-known manifestation is laughter making your knees buckle, but it's not always that severe. My own attacks range from facial twitching, usually when I'm angry or otherwise extremely upset, to all-over weakness/immobilization and near-collapse when I laugh. My knees have fully buckled once or twice.

This is the biggest stretch. This is the one that is absolutely only there if you've already decided to read entire novels between the lines. It's also not even necessary for the broader headcanon; plenty of people have narcolepsy without cataplexy (or such mild cataplexy that it's never noticeable, or very delayed onset, etc).

However. I am doing this for fun. So I want him to have it. It's also become a major part of how I imagine Moist engaging with emotion, and I'd like to make a case for that.

There are a few scattered references to Moist's legs shaking, or being unsteady, or outright giving way, but there's usually an external physical reason, and/or enough psychological shock to justify it without a medical condition.

The most compelling example I've found so far comes from Moist and Adora's conversation about people expecting Moist to deliver letters to the gods.

"I never promised to—"

"You promised to when you sold them the stamps!"

Moist almost fell off his chair. She'd wielded the sentence like a fist.

"And it'll give them hope," she added, rather more quietly.

"False hope," said Moist, struggling upright.

"Almost fell off his chair" at first sounds like casual hyperbole, but then "struggling upright" implies it was a bit more literal. It's also an accurate description of me recovering from my more severe attacks, supporting myself on a wall or my spouse, or pushing myself up if I've fallen over in bed.

That happens to me multiple times per day, by the way. It doesn't bother me, and I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it for a long time. I barely think about it, except to fondly note that my spouse is good at making me laugh.

Which is to say, even severe cataplexy is not always noticeable or debilitating. Sometimes it absolutely is! It can be downright dangerous, depending on where you are, what you're doing, and whether you have any other conditions it might exacerbate. I don't want to undermine that.

I am just hell-bent on justifying the idea that this fictional character could have repeated attacks throughout the canonical narrative that are so routine they don't merit an explanation, or even a description. Especially for someone who is used to hiding his few distinguishing features behind false ones that are much more memorable. (See also.)

(That link goes to my own fanfic. Sorry.)

On the milder side, between Going Postal and Making Money, there are three instances of Moist's mouth "dropping open" when he's shocked, upset, confused, or some combination of the three. This is the kind of thing that shows up a lot in fiction, but rarely happens so literally in real life.

(There's technically a fourth instance, but I'm not counting it because it seems to be a deliberate choice on his part to convey surprise.)

And then there's laughter. Or rather, there isn't. I could be missing something, but I've searched all three books for instances of laughter and various synonyms (not counting spoken "Ha!"s), and what I've come up with is:

Moist laughs once in Going Postal, when he receives the assignment for the race to Genua.

Two packages were handed over. Moist undid his, and burst out laughing.

There's also an instance earlier in the book where Moist nearly "burst[s] out laughing."

I find the specifics here interesting, and, for our purposes, fortuitous. Cataplexy is complicated and presents differently for everyone. In my case, when laughter triggers an attack, one of the effects (which is sometimes also a cause) is that I laugh very hard, with little or no control. "Burst out laughing" is quite apt.

Let's move on to Making Money, and start with a quick tangent:

Mr. Bent explains that he has no sense of humor due to a medical condition, and that he isn't upset about this and doesn't understand why people feel sorry for him.

Moist immediately starts in with "Have you tried—" before getting cut off by the frustrated Bent.

Out-of-universe, "Have you tried" is such a well-known refrain to anyone with an incurable condition, I'm not at all surprised to find it in a book written by someone who had at least begun the process that would lead to a diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. And Pratchett has certainly never shied away from portraying ignorance in his protagonists.

In-universe, it feels a little odd. Moist's tongue runs away from him all the time, but usually in the form of making ridiculous claims or impossible promises. Moist's entire stock-in-trade is People Skills, and it feels strange for him to make this kind of mistake immediately after being told Mr. Bent is not looking for solutions.

But if one were reading with, for instance, the idea in mind that Moist himself has an incurable condition related to laughter and is enthusiastic about, but still relatively new to, the practice of drawing on his own experiences to help people... it is easy to imagine the gears in his head turning the wrong way, superimposing those experiences over the tail end of Mr. Bent's explanation. Disabled people are not immune to these well-meaning pitfalls.

There is another Mr. Bent moment that I want to discuss, but we'll circle back around to it later.

I found two instances of Moist himself laughing in MM.

1. "He said it with a laugh, to lighten the mood a little."

This is deliberate laughter, employed as a social tactic. A polite chuckle, probably. Not the sort of thing that generally triggers cataplexy.

2. "Moist started to laugh, and stopped at the sight of her grave expression."

The first and only involuntary laugh in MM. It doesn't always trigger attacks...

Which brings us to Raising Steam. Compared to the first two books, Moist laughs a lot here. I count nine instances. Two of them are "burst out laughing"s, a couple include him as part of a group, some of it comes off as deliberate, and some of it doesn't.

I've always seen a lot of... rage in Raising Steam. Combing through it for laughter, I realized Moist's emotions in general are much closer to the surface here, and he's much less concerned about letting people see them. He laughs with friends and acquaintances, he cries in front of strangers, he shouts at Harry King, he has that entire conversation with Dick that boils down to "I'm very worried about you," etc.

Opinions vary wildly and sharply on Raising Steam. I have my own hangups with it, as I do with most books in the series. (Every time I make a new Discworld post, Tumblr passive-aggressively suggests the tag "my kingdom for a discworld character who is normal about women and other species.")

But I like this particular change in Moist, and I choose to see it as character development. He's trading in the professional detachment of a conman for the ability to grow into himself as a person and make meaningful connections.

So, what does that have to do with cataplexy? A lot.

I don't want to get too maudlin, so I'll just say I have plenty of personal experience with emotional repression masking cataplexy symptoms. And so, I believe, does the version of Moist we've put together over the course of this post.

Which brings us back to Making Money, and Mr. Bent. He says something about Moist that I find very interesting: "I do not trust those who laugh too easily."

Unless I've missed something, at that point in the book, Moist has never actually laughed in front of him. And Mr. Bent is a man who pays very close attention to details.

So, what is the in-universe explanation for this? I'd like to propose that Moist is very skilled at seeming to laugh, without actually laughing. He smiles, he's friendly, and he makes other people laugh, which is another thing Bent dislikes about him. He gives the impression of being someone who laughs a lot. (He certainly left that impression on me; I was very surprised by the lack of examples in the first two books.)

Even staying strictly within the bounds of canon, it's easy to imagine why this might have become part of Moist's camouflage in his previous life. He wasn't looking to get attached to anyone, and he didn't want anyone getting inside his head. Engaging with people genuinely enough to laugh at their jokes would run counter to both of those things, but some of his personas still needed to come off as friendly and sociable.

Still working within the canon, it makes sense to assume he's similarly distanced himself from emotion in general. He sits in a cell for several weeks without truly believing he's going to die. He's bewildered when Mr. Pump points out that his schemes have hurt innocent people. He has no idea what to do with his feelings for Adora. Etc.

Interpreting Moist as having cataplexy adds an extra element of danger. Moist thrives on danger, but there's a difference between the thrill of a con and the threat of sudden, uncontrollable displays of vulnerability. And so it becomes even easier to see him stifling his own emotional capacity.*

We meet Moist at a moment of great upheaval. He is forcibly removed from his cocoon of false identities, and pushed out into the world as himself. And we are shown and told throughout Going Postal that he does not know how to be himself. (See also.)

He is repeatedly stymied by his own emotions. He gets tongue-tied and confused around Adora, he snaps at Mr. Pump, he lashes out at Mr. Groat, he gets lost in school flashbacks when he meets Miss Maccalariat. This thread continues in Making Money, where the sudden reappearance of Cribbins immediately rattles him into making an uncharacteristic mistake.

I called him Cribbins! Just then! I called him Cribbins! Did he tell me his name? Did he notice? He must have noticed!

Later in the same book, Moist misses a crucial opportunity to run damage control on the bank's public image... because he's excited to see Adora.

The Moist of GP and MM is not used to feeling things so deeply. It throws him off his game. I'm not at all suggesting cataplexy is the only (or even primary) reason for that, but I do think there's room for it on both sides of the cause and effect equation.

With or without the cataplexy, I find Moist's relative emotional openness in Raising Steam... really nice. (It's a work in progress. He's still getting a handle on anger.)

Cataplexy just adds another dimension. A physical manifestation of emotional vulnerability, which would have been especially untenable for a teenager on the run. Just one more facet of the real, human, fallible Moist von Lipwig who spent years buried beneath Albert Spangler and all the rest.

Another piece of himself that Moist is growing to understand and accept, as he learns to more comfortably be himself.

The Moist of Going Postal runs into a burning building to save lives without fully understanding why he wants to, and justifies it on the fly as an essential part of the role he's trying to play.

The Moist of Raising Steam mindlessly throws himself under a train to save two children, and then blows up at Harry King about the lack of safety regulations. Freshly traumatized by the murder of several railway workers and his own violent, vengeful response to it, he still offers, in the face of Harry's own grief, to be the one to inform their families. On a long and dangerous journey with plenty of moving parts to think about, he worries about Dick Simnel and the other engineers, and pushes them to take better care of themselves.

He also meets a bunch of kids who nearly derailed a train as part of a childish scheme. His admonishment is startlingly vivid.

"Can you imagine a railway accident? The screaming of the rails and the people inside and the explosion that scythes the countryside around when the boiler bursts? And you, little girl, and your little friends, would have done all that. Killed a trainload of people."

[...]

"I'll square this with the engine driver, but if I was you I'd get my pencil and turn any clever ideas you have like this into a book or two. Those penny dreadfuls are all the rage in the railway bookshops."

Maybe what he is also saying, between the lines, is:

I left home at 14 and began a life of smoke and mirrors. I was empty inside, and I thought everyone else was, too. It was all fun and games, and then a man made of clay told me I was killing people. Nip it in the bud, child. Write books.

------------

*There are studies suggesting that in addition to deliberately employed "tricks," people with cataplexy may experience physiological reactions in the brain meant to inhibit laughter. (Source 1, Source 2.)

Most of the information here is way over my head, but that second link also says "one region of the brain called the zona incerta (meaning 'zone of uncertainty') was only activated during laughter in people with narcolepsy, not in controls. Research on the zona incerta in animals suggests that it also helps to control fear-associated behavior."

The linked article about that (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-03581-6) is also over my head, but I would certainly describe Moist von Lipwig as having unusual fear responses.**

**Narcolepsy is a fun roller-coaster ride of constant scientific discoveries about exactly which parts of your brain are paying too much attention, not paying enough attention, or trying to eat each other.

#moist von lipwig #narcolepsy #discworld #disabled headcanons #oh my god this got so out of hand #earned itself a title AND a subtitle #mr. cybulskis i'm sorry i fell asleep in your class every day it was at the exact wrong time and temperature and lighting

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vex-bittys · 4 years ago

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How does the staff react to the "bitty whump" side of the bitty fandom? (Dont look if you're faint of heart, Tw rape, abuse, murder, betrayal, forced breeding etc)

*As far as the staff goes, Butter, Poff, and Honey are much too young to read/view that type of content. Syrup has long since decided never to leave the shop because humans are weird and untrustworthy. Bitty whump just confirms this for him. Edgar and Waffle severely disapprove of bitty abuse and harm because they often rescue bitties who have been victims of this. Miss Vex (character) does not approve because she runs a shelter and medical center that sees far too many injured or traumatized bitties.

*As far as me, Vex, as a person? Whump fic/art doesn’t actually bother me that much. I don’t seek it out, but if I see it, I’m not going to be triggered by it. I even wrote a (fairly mild) bitty whump piece for ammazolie once. I’m going to give a very long explanation below for why people who write, draw, or enjoy any type of whump media should not be demonized, but I also want everyone to know that it is ok to dislike and avoid this type of media. If it is triggering to you, don’t seek it out.

*Please also remember that the creators of this media are human beings, so maybe don’t harass them or send them death threats? This is not up for debate or discussion on this blog.

*So I like psychology. I love the psychology of movies and stories. One of my favorite bits of media psychology is the reason that people love to scare themselves with haunted houses, rollercoasters, and scary movies. Some people genuinely enjoy the shock factor they feel when viewing or experiencing these things, but the deeply ingrained reason that we love these things so much? Control. Control of fear. No matter how scary the experience is, you know that it will end. You can safely put yourself in this situation knowing that it will only last the duration of the experience.

*Why is this important to the psyche? Because the world is downright terrifying, and one of the scariest parts of the big, bad world? Things happen without a reason. Things happen beyond our control. Things can happen to anyone at anytime. We need to be able to ground ourselves by exerting control over emotional experiences.

*Many people use whump media as a coping mechanism for trauma. They could not control the trauma that happened to them, but when creating whump media, they can control it. Some people use it to cope with a scary world by creating fictional situations that reflect that scariness. By controlling what happens, it gives the power back to them. Some people just enjoy the sense of excitement it gives them without causing harm to others. I can experience this and no one is harmed? There’s a thrill to that, a thrill that people would not enjoy knowing that an actual person or animal was harmed.

*I know a lot of people (especially young people) in fandom feel very righteously outraged that such things can exist. That’s the idealism of youth. Everyone experiences that at some point. That’s a young person’s reaction to the uncertainty and injustice of the world. There’s so much scary stuff out there that it’s natural to want to change it, but sometimes it seems like too big a problem to pursue. Instead, younger fans will try to stomp out whump because they see it as a problem they can tackle. Their extreme reaction to whump reflects the extreme uncertainty and lack of control they see in the world.

*One argument is the whump normalizes violence, including sexual violence and torture. They think that whump creators are setting a bad example for young people (though they themselves are young and can immediately determine that the situations dealt with in whump are bad). It’s not a matter of normalizing these situations for children. This is a matter of recognizing the difference between fiction and reality, and being able to view media without accepting that everything you see is normal or proper behavior.

*This is something that comes with experience. We aren’t born knowing everything. As we grow up, we learn that fiction is not reality. We learn that sometimes media addresses negative or terrible things from the real world. However it is addressed, we still have our own moral compass to guide us.

*I have written whump, and I have written noncon both as a kink and as a crime/whump. Am I a terrible person who torments animals and condones rape? Hell no! I am a very outspoken advocate of more severe punishments for rapists and animal abusers. Creating something in fiction is not the same as supporting or condoning it in reality. I really hope some people read this and it makes them think.

*You don’t have to like whump. Lots of people don’t. Lots of people find it triggering, and that’s ok. The best thing to do if whump is upsetting to you is to avoid it. Don’t seek it out just so you can harass creators. Don’t seek it out at all. You control your online experience through the content and interactions you’re engaging in. Do what is right for you, but try to respect that not everyone views media in the way or for the same purpose.

#whump tw #bitty abuse tw #discourse tw

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h4kka · 3 years ago

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Could I beat the Hypnosis Mic boys in a fight?

I’m not in the twst fandom but I found this one post where someone evaluated all the twst boys and whether or not they could beat them in a fight, so I figured I’d do the same with the Hypmic dudes. Only one rule: No Hypnosis Mics allowed.

Ichiro: He’s a physically strong guy who sometimes fights crime and also used to be a delinquent, so he’d definitely win...except not really because Ichiro’s too nice to fight me, plus he’s one of my best boys so I don’t want to fight him either.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Jiro: He’s around my age (at least at the moment I wrote this) and he’s a generally nice dude with a good personality, so we’d probably be friends who wouldn’t get into physical fights, but in the scenario where we absolutely have to throw hands (friendly sparring, maybe?), it would likely be a draw. Dude’s a soccer player, but he probably wouldn’t be strong enough to completely overpower me since I’m also a green belt in karate (but I’m a bit prone to hesitating, plus...I haven’t taken lessons in a while).

Conclusion: Draw.

Saburo: He’s a kid. I’m an adult. Adults beating up kids = BAD.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Samatoki: He wouldn’t fight me because I’m a girl. I wouldn’t fight him either because I love him.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Jyuto: Assaulting a cop who’s had plenty of experience fighting crime is not a good idea in the slightest. Let’s leave it at that.

Conclusion: Jyuto wins and my 5’3” ass gets sent to jail.

Riou: Like Ichiro, he’d undoubtedly win hypothetically, but in reality Riou wouldn’t want to fight a 5’3” 19 year old nerd because he’s just a big ol’ teddy bear.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Ramuda: He’s 2 inches shorter than me so our height difference isn’t too big, but I’d definitely win regardless because he likely doesn’t have any physical combat experience whatsoever. Can we get an F for Ramuda’s groin?

Conclusion: Maggie wins.

Gentaro: Gee, I wonder who’d win in a fight, an author with no combat experience or a green belt in karate?

Conclusion: Maggie wins.

Dice: He’d put up a semi-decent fight, but without a Hypnosis Mic he’s kinda powerless in the end. A single kick to the nuts would probably send him wailing.

Conclusion: Maggie wins.

Jakurai: A hypothetical win for Jakurai; he used to be an assassin, after all. But Jakurai wouldn’t want to fight me. I wouldn’t want to fight him either. Not necessarily because pissing him off is a VERY bad idea, but because he’s a genuinely sweet man who’s nice to everyone.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Hifumi: I’d definitely win hypothetically, but at the cost of making a man with severe gynophobia cry. Nobody wants that.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Doppo: Why the hell would I fight Doppo? Why the hell would anyone fight Doppo? He’s a tired, overworked, and perpetually stressed man whose mental health is being eaten away by a shitty corporation. He just needs a rest.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Sasara: He's totally chaotic and unpredictable AND he's got some decent level of combat experience as seen in the DH vs BAT manga, so if I were to throw hands with the resident funnyman (not that I’d want to bc why would you wanna beat him up?), he'd definitely fuck me up.

Conclusion: Sasara wins.

Rosho: Since I’m a college student and Rosho’s a teacher, he would absolutely not be okay with the prospect of throwing hands with me. I don’t wanna fight him either. He’s a good man who wants to help kids achieve their dreams.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Rei: I’d definitely lose. He’s a con man, for Pete’s sake, not to mention he’s almost a whole foot taller than me. He WILL find a way to fuck me up somehow.

Conclusion: Rei wins.

Kuko: As said above, I tend to hesitate when I’m doing karate and it’s been a while since I was able to attend lessons, and even if I put up a good fight, Kuko’s the one who has experience physically fighting off bullies to the point of getting sued.

Conclusion: Kuko wins.

Jyushi: No. I’m not fighting Jyushi. Anyone who tries to beat up Jyushi is a horrible excuse for a human being.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

Hitoya: If I tried to pick a fight with him he'd probably just find me to be Kuko 2.0. In other words, he'd just think I'm an annoying gremlin. He's not gonna bother throwing hands with me.

Conclusion: Nobody wins.

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #shut up maggie

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theowlhouseheadcanons · 4 years ago

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So what are the Beta's personalities? I don't think there is a guide. All I know is Luz is a Bustard, Amity is pure bred bitch and Willow is S M U G.

Okay, I have two options: do you want the detailed, serious answer or the over-simplified, stupidish answer? Choose wisely.

Painfully detailed:

All we “canonically” know about them, apart from the designs, is their heavier approach to darker, maybe punk/goth vibes - a lead to all the content the fandom produced so far, creating all kinds of creative views about their characters.

If we take a look to Dana´s unrelated artworks, it's a mix of grim bizarrice with mundane and/or wholesome character remarks that makes the odd creations seem… relatable and emphatic, or at least curious enough to make you crook your neck in contemplation. There is also this faint feeling of madness and gloom (with different variations depending on the piece), but they all seem consistent within the big picture.

Overall, they appeal for complexity, and this is where I think the Betas stand - with deep roots on dark humor too. So, after making this boastful analysis of Dana´s art that nobody asked for, let's get to them.

Amity:

As her canon version, she's a character with layers (and masks, depending on the company she might be bearing at the time).

At first impression, she might seems cold and uninterested, with sarcasm being her favorite tool in conversation; Amity makes the effort to keep most people around her at distance to avoid creating unnecessary attachments, so she´ll come off as rude and selfish - but if you hang around enough or prove you have some guts and values, she might take a liking; And once you become friends, you´ll never meet someone more loyal;

She doesn't mind breaking rules – especially her mother's rules – for the sake of entertainment and for helping her friends. She's a fan of pranks and deception, but do not mistake her impetus for recklessness: Amity plays clever to guarantee he reputation remains intact for the right people (leaving the ones who knows her true ways crawling under their skin (enemies) or smirking at her (friends));

She's not one who easily share personal information, reserving her deeper feelings and worries to a scarce number of people;

She won't back down from discussions, and if she feels like something or someone is crossing any lines of her (surprisingly existing) "moral code" she won't leave it alone until she gives a final word on it (besides, she loves the taste of victory, and hate when the ones she cares get hurt in any sense); She fights with words that hit exactly on people's weak spots, but if she's irritated enough she might put her destructive magic to some use (as a threat);

In school, her notes are good (although she can easily make them better if she just puts in the effort) and if the teachers don't insist on pushing some expected behavior towards her, and instead work with her “flexible learning process”, she won't bother. Actually, if she takes interest in the class, she´ll deepen discussions with interesting topics and good criticism, making teachers raise their eyebrows on her competence. But, if for some reason the schoolmaster gets on a tight spot with Amity, she´ll make sure every minute of their class feels a bit closer to hell :)

(One might imagine how polemic Beta Amity must be among the faculty)

When she's not idly hanging with Boscha and the girls, she can be spotted sauntering alone in the corridors, wearing the portrait of Boredom on her face that keeps most people at distance. The only individual that doesn´t appear to be affected by her subtle threatening aurea is Willow: as anything odd and potentially entertaining, Willow conquered Amity´s attention enough to mold a friendship with her. They work pretty well together, with Willow´s centred personality balancing off Amity's fiery behavior. Hanging out with Willow feels both relaxing and exciting, as she never knows what new “job” her friend might be up to - and she's always down to tag along on her quests;

Willow:

Willow is an intriguing kid – and I'm not talking about her dubious choice of fashion or her ability to keep a poker face to everything and everyone while absorbing more details and information than anyone in the room – everyone that knows her agrees with that definition. And everyone knows her; Why? Well...

Her irreducible dedication and unbiased expertise in the bizarre and all sorts of knowledge makes her a handy option for those who need to get some job done and they don't know who else to call. Her almost obsessive curiosity for everything keeps her constantly busy with some experiment, project or investigation;

She displays the minimum respect to people around her and seems genuinely unbothered by social dramas and average teen stuff; Interacting with Willow might feel awkward or incredibly interesting as she has the habit of infodumping and calling attention to random details in the environment (and you'll never know what's going on her mind); ~Her humor is a little morbid too~

She's the kind of person you can hang out alot but if you put some thought on it you'll get shocked how little you know about them – Willow doesn't have a problem with sharing, but she'll only do when requested;

And besides, she rather have the company of plants and herself (a fact she more show than tell), because neither of them will delay her plans or interrupt them with spontaneous cases of *looks down on notes* needing help; (but don't worry, if she's your friend, she will help)

Willow will defy rules only if she knows there won't be bad consequences for her and her "partners in crime" – and she might not share that part with them sometimes so they won't get comfortable enough to mess up;

Luz:

The main common thing between Beta and Canon Luz is their contagious energy and righteous mind: they're always ready to have a good time while being able to help someone; The main difference, I guess, is that Beta Luz has a more flexible moral on methods she might use to do "good";

She never skips the calls for adventure, even the ones that presents potential dangers (which she generally doesn't take note until it's too late) making her a magnet for trouble;

Her friends are so used to her shenanigans that Luz doesn't need more than a look to have them sighing "what have you done this time?"

She's a sporty girl, but also a lover of video games and anime and trying new stuff – which once again, might be a call for danger;

She's friendly but can't help her passive aggressive humor, which can gets sharp depending on her mood; Aggression and offences are a last case resource, unless we're talking about bad guys; She might be down to break rules if it is necessary for doing good, but overall she rather leave law undisturbed; She doesn't mind taking "alternative" ways to achieve her goals, but she draws a line on cheating – and that buys her some heated discussions with Amity;

Luz swears she tries to not get involved in people's business but she never thinks twice before calling people out when they're being unnecessarily bad or rude. Actually, she has the habit of acting before thinking – the main pillar of her troublemaker reputation;

With all that, one might think she's reckless and slow in catching things up – which is not a lie, but that doesn't mean she can't be responsible: she always keep her promises and is committed to following deadlines and conditions – and I'm not sure if this is the place to add, but she's pretty good with children! For Amity's amusement

In sum (simple version):

#that was fun #what do you guys think?#the owl house #the owl house headcanons #toh #amity blight #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house amity #the owl house willow #toh asks #toh luz #toh amity #toh willow #beta amity #beta luz #beta willow

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tokugou · 3 years ago

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Hi. First: I love your GIFs! They're pleasing to see on my dash (and sometimes gives me niggling ideas for creating GIFs of my own but almost never do it cuz procrastination and my creativity sucks haha 😅)! Please keep creating! <3

Second, genuine question (and out of curiosity): Why do you self reblog your posts often? People can see your posts on their dash, and even on the search thingy. The search thingy doesn't let people see your self-reblogs (just the original post). Even though I've kinda been on and off of Tumblr for years, I don't really get how it works, so I'm a bit confused as to why you and other bloggers self-reblog your/their own posts?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though! I'm just genuinely confused and I don't know who/where else to ask/search 😅. Thanks in advance! Have a nice day! <3

I honestly don't know what I did to get dragged into this discourse

Thank you for polite question, I honestly don't know if I can help you a lot and if my answer will explain it as you expect. I also was on and off tumblr for a long time and often, but I can answer it based on my own experience on this becasue it was confusing to me too when I first met with self reblogging.

Long reply under read more so to not trash other people' dash

first of all self promotion isn't a bad thing and i'm staring to think some of people here see it as a crime

compared to old one nowday t/mblr is a mess, lot of people left this site and most of them were content creators (either artists or gifmakers) and back then it seemd more welcoming to editors? People would rb your stuff no matter your popularity becasue hey it is content from my fav series i wanna see more i wanna keep it on my blog and show it to others so there was no need for people to self reblog becasue it circulated around a lot on its own.

new people who join this app are raised on i/stagram t/itter and/or f/book where LIKES means everything, you show your support by liking posts THIS NOT APPLY TO TUMBLR AND NEVER DID [you can check this amazing post about rebloging]. As nice as it is to get likes on your post becasue it is like a pat on a head - it is only a pat, doesn't mean anything on a long run. Reblog = spreading. If people don't spread it we stay unnoticed and we tend to self reblog more.

another thing that changed is: people no longer scroll from top to the last post they saw before going to sleep, cos why would they? You wake up in the morning open app while eating breakfast or drinking coffee and you sroll past ten or twenty post or an equivalent of hour or two of your absence - you dont go deeper cos it would be a waste of time - again, I say USUALLY, some ppl still do this and it is ok either way - which leads us to main point of self/reblog:

DIFFERENCE in TIME ZONE not all of our followers live in the same time-zone, when I post something in my free time it doesn't mean others have it too, most of them are probably sleeping or in working place at that hour. We self reblog so people who were absent (and we think might be interested in - becasue why not? they follow us for a reason right?) can see it when they get back on here. By reblogging ourself multiple times, that puts the post back on the follower’s dash and hopefully gives them a chance to see it.

most of people follow ton of blogs (one of my friend I met here told me they follow over 1k blogs) imagine even half of these blogs posting regulary, a few things per hour, the dash is messy and crowded OUR EDITS TEND TO GET LOST IN IT. Most of people follow a lot of blogs and might miss our posts becaue their dashes are WAY more active than these who follow five or ten blogs.

t/mblr fandoms aren't welcoming to new creators in my experience, to get notes you need to be popular/have lot of followers but you can't have lot of them if your posts aren't spread/seen and so on and so on it go in circle (a lot of ppl also only reblog popular posts and avoid these with litte of notes - don't know why it is like this, maybe they think these posts are suspicious?) so with self reblog we also give some of these fake notes to make a post more appealing, i guess? this one is just speculation.

the search function you mentioned is very rarely used tbh people don't go to search for things daily, they usually only do this when they join new series/ship/etc to check if there is something. People usually stick to what they see on their dashes. AND most importantly this option doesn't work as it should. It is some type of algoritm that promote post that are alive/active - even if your post is relativy new it might not show in search becasue it died quickly (as if it wasn't interacted with for some time). With search option it is 50/50 your thing either show there or not. ALSO REMEMBER search option is a terrible promoted thingy that doesn't show you everything so you better stick to /tagged/ thing you can enter manually while on dash if you are using web t/mblr.

people no longer go straight to specific blogs to check if they missed something, they might do it for their besties (as they call it) but other than that DASH is all people see and focus on, so the more often content creators self/reblog the higher chance followrs will see it.

we are not paid for what we do and it come to everything: edits, gifs, arts, writing, video and META POST we are not paid for it and no matter how many people say notes are just numbers these numbers are our motivational payment, the less you get the less you create because you just don't feel the point of sharing your creations if it is not received well or at all.

when I started posting I used to post new content daily even twice a day, nowdays seeing most of my edits not being well recieved in fandom I lost motivation to the point I was thinking of quiting because it didn’t give me joy anymore and I'm still considering it.

I personally never felt bothered seeing self rebbloged post, I follow a bunch of content creators, some of them sr twice a day some each hour, some more or less often. It often helped me to see something I would missed becasue I wasn't here and personally it often give me joy to see the post I remember seeing that had 2 notes when I rb it and now it is 500 or more.

to anyone who read it and still think self reblog is a bother: do not tell people to stop self reblogging. If you genuinely have a problem with self reblogging, just unfollow or block the person who does it and don’t make a fuss over it!

I hope I managed to answer you at least partly? I probably lost the point somewhere between first sentence and second but... well

#chloe.mailbox #long post #anonymous #i keep saying WE as in content creator but honestly i dont feel as if i was part of it

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loptyrs-moved · 4 years ago

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Can you talk more abt ur fandoms ocs? I like your writing a lot and would like to know more abt em

Oh my goodness I’m 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you’re SO sweet thank you!

Well, I have quite a few and some have their own deeper lore stories that go with them. If you guys want more information on them, I can do separate posts on all of them. But Here they are! I’m so excited to share my babies with you!

More is under the cut. The Picrew I used is here.

Ikemen Revolution

Black Army Side

Corrin Fukui

Age: Appears to be in mid-early twenties

Hair: Brick white

Eyes: Blood Red

Height: 4′11

Any other Qualities:

Draconic features -- She’s literally a dragon but not by nature

Curved Opalescent Horns

Shimmery opalescent tail

Wings that also shimmer in the light

retractable?

Pointed ears

Easily frightened by loud noises and sudden movements

stunted growth

Hoards blankets and comfort items

writes in a journal every day

its one luka got for her and she refuses to write in anything else. she pours her heart out on the pages, and all her memories

she had a brother! but he passed away because of the magic tower :(

turns into a gIANT DRAGON

ICE ICE BREATH BABY

Was found by Luka while on a patrol near the forbidden forest, lost and afraid, so she was taken in

Had amnesia at first

She actually is an experiment of Amon and she managed to escape

Excellent at sewing and gardening

Sufficient with baking

She’s for Luka! The way they fell for each other was a slow, gradual trust, and mutual understanding. She saw him as a man, as he was, and nothing else.

Sometimes is called Corri

gentle hearted and innocent

but not as innocent as you’d think

she’s a dragon, and she’s a greedy little one

Ophelia Dae

Age: 24

Hair: Crimson red

Eyes: Jade green

Height: 5′8

Any other Qualities:

A skilled swordsman, and one of the Chosen Thirteen

9 of Spades baybeee

While she is more accustomed to short swords and sabers, Phelia is a magic user! But she isn’t really in agreement with Ray with his stance on magic

BOMBASTIC AS HELL

BISEXUAL

“Is he bothering you Queen?”

Trans

Was friends with Ray and Fenrir while in school, and was just as much of a hellraiser as them

she was there when the day things went dark happened and was almost taken but that day is a blur for her

phelia REFUSES to talk about it

she still has nightmares

raised by a single mother

TRIVIA! She was an old fire emblem oc i had and she was the daughter of Arvis -- so if you squint when she uses magic you’ll see Valflame

joined the army probably because Fenrir was too, and she was inspired by him

she joined for her own reasons but he made it easier for her to do it too

his passion was what made her fall for him in the first place

has a personal vendetta against the magic tower for what they did to her and her friends

AND CORRIN JEEZ

will sacrifice herself if necessary to the cause

PROBABLY HAS ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF IT

Bruh girl

Amira Nasiri

Age: 22

Hair: Chocolate brown

Eyes: Turquoise blue

Height: 5′3

Any other qualities:

My version of Alice! Difference is that she’s Persian

That’s it

She’s just as spunky as Alice

however she responds with being called Alice a little different

she’s adamant about being called Amira

At some point she just accepts Seth does it to distance himself

also an avid baker like alice

pISTACIOS

BAKLAVA

Amira is just Alice except she’s just my take on her.

She has the same vibrant spirit as Alice

and I personally consider Seth the canon route for REASONS

just ask me why fjgdfgjksd

Red Army Side

Azul Flores

Age: 25

Hair: Raven black

Eyes: Wisteria purple

Height: 5′0

Any Other Qualities:

An old friend of the Queen of Hearts

like she met him when she was 8 years old

fought his bullies when they would give him a hard time when he was a kid

they dated for a WHILE

did NOT work out

HARD CHILDHOOD

Ambitious, hard working young woman who was married into a high standing family on the Red side. Her mother was a teacher and gained the attention of one of the Chosen Thirteen on that side, and got married

Azul is NOT the officer’s daughter. She’s his step daughter

Has had extensive studies on the History of Cradle and of the Red Territory.

Wants to be a Cradle Historian

Works for the Red Army as a personal assistant to the queen

UNINTENTIONAL

THEY ACTUALLY CANT STAND EACH OTHER

Unless....

Look their story is very dramatic and it hurts me every day so please stay tuned with them.

CUT THROAT BITCH

YOUR DEVIL

DEMON

Heckles Jonah like its her job — she knows him better than anyone elsd, if anyone knows his bs, its her

Bad resting bitch face

Actually really shy, and quiet when in different surroundings

A sweetheart and will cut a bitch for you once she knows u

She is perhaps one of the most transparent, honest, genuine person. there is no bullshit with her. she will tell you her honest thoughts with you

Cerise Nam

Age: 19

Hair: Berry Pink

Eyes: Petal Pink

Height: 5′2

Any other qualities:

Her mom came to Cradle from a far off place, and set up a food and pastry shop in the Central Quarter. Met her dad. Been there since

They live in Black Territory

She works for her parents and works with the pastries/desserts

loves making desserts from where her parents are from

She knows the Queen of Hearts VERY well since she makes the best mille feuille

Got a job from him actually, and works for the Red Army Headquarters kitchen

Loves to cook and bake!

a little naïve, but she’s a realist

youngest of FIVE kids!!

Morning girl

She may be petite but she can HEAFT heavy bags of flour/rice/dry goods

Met Zero by accident, and crashed into him while in town

love at first sight for her. how can you fault her?

she thinks he’s dreamy... and sweet...

does she flirt with him a little? Cerise can’t help it...

She and Zero have more of a hidden relationship because she fears her parents won’t approve

family stuff -- and she understands

RED ARMY OFFICER?? BLACK TERRITORY GIRL

look im cheesy

dont worry it works out

zero has to consider himself and his own personal stuff too so its a little difficult

Non Army Suitor(s)

Lucile Lidell

Age: 20

Hair: Straw blonde

Eyes: Aqua blue

Height: 5'1

Any other qualities:

She and her twin, Noelle, are the actual descendants of the original Alice

Inherited unusual hairpins that were from cradle

More of the 'modern woman stuck in the wrong time' kind of gal

Rebellious

Noelle and Luci: partners in crime

Short skirts galore

Does not give a singular shit of what MEN think of her

Wants to be taken seriously

Sometimes acts like an airhead in order to get attention. She's actually pretty somber as a person and prefers to be in the background as her sister takes the stage

loves her sister more than anyone else in the world

When she and Noelle fall into Cradle, they kind of hightail it and live in the woods with Harr and Loki

Sticks with Harr since he's literally the least threatening man ever

First man to feel safe around

"Excuse me he said NO pickles!"

Will cut a bitch for him, or use magic -- luci will hurt someone if they even think a bout looking at him wrong

Loves to make clothes

'I mended the holes in your cloak for you...' 'Bye Harr, be safe and have a good day.'

'Welcome home, I missed you.'

Puts up a tough girl front but she's just a big softie just like him

Doesn't realize she has a crush on him until shit starts to hit the fan

Actually very vanilla tbh but wants to spoil her bf

Ikemen Sengoku

Ito Tsunade

Age: 26

Hair: Straw Blonde

Eyes: Molten Gold

Height: 5′5

Any Other Qualities:

Graduate student at the same university as Sasuke

got stuck in the storm with him and Mai, and was tossed into the sengoku era

but she got separated from Mai

Met Shingen first much to her luck because uh.... lets say Tsunade is aint the sharpest tool in the shed

HEAD EMPTY

ZERO THOUGHTS

AIRHEAD

her aesthetic when she gets there?

TITS OUT

BIG HONKERS BIG TATA

HOT

her head might be empty but her tits are fat and they will protect you

Music nerd — loves traditional Japanese instruments, especially the difficult ones

Specializes in girl metal in modern day

eventually proves herself and plays some sick chords for the takeda/uesegi forces

she has entertained them for now

puts sake away like a monster

when she meets sasuke, she finds comfort in the fact he’s also lost with her, so she clings

asks him how to protect herself from shingen bc he’s horny lolol

genuinely thinks sasuke is hilarious

also does NOT realize she’s in love with him until the gravest of grave happens

her name was UNINTENTIONAL

Aibana Hinata

Age: Presents in his early-mid twenties

Hair: Black Midnight

Eyes: Haunting gold and vermillion

Height: 5'3

Any other qualities:

The concubine of Nobunaga

Please know I made him a long while before the other guy was dropped so I’m just gonna offer this little gay boy

Nobunaga bought him from a brothel after being so intrigued by him. Hina entertained him so well that he was set for life

A RIGHT SNARKY BASTARD

HE KNOWS HE’S PRETTY AND CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER

Likes to challenge Nobunaga in battles of wits

board games

debate as pillow talk

swordplay if the lords will entertain him enough

Bisexual as hell

Gender? Don’t know her

He uses all pronouns

True pronoun: princess

ONLY EXISTS IN A UNIVERSE WHERE THERE IS MAI

Nobunaga/Mai/Hinata........

Unless.......

Smart, and educated

former geisha

he can read! and write!

LOVE FUCKING WITH HIDEYOSHI

if there is mai, he would bond with her like no one else

he would be her best friend

her confidant

genuinely adores her

even if she is pursuing nobunaga, he doesn’t resent her ... he just wishes that she would find room in her heart for him too

puts up a tough exterior

a softie.....

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skamamoroma · 5 years ago

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Please tell me how you remain so positive! Negativity doesn't seem to bother you and I'm jealous tbh haha I wish I could not let it bother me when people shit on shows/characters I love but I take it so personally and I don't know how to stop it. Do you have any advice? It's just because I know how this fandom operates sometimes I watch clips and instead of enjoying the content, I end up thinking about how the fandom is gonna misconstrued certain bits of it to be ~problematic~ sigh.

Ah love. It makes me sad that your fandom experience isn’t as fun as it should be!

First of all, I haven’t seen any pointless negativity for a long while which means I must have blocked well. That’s a tool. Use it! There’s no shame in it. Fandom is a subjective experience and it’s meant to be fun! If it isn’t for whatever reason then try to solve that. You dictate your own fandom experience to a large extent.

Also, I am long in the tooth. I’ve been on tumblr since 2009. I’ve been in fandoms for way longer than that too. It’s a fun part of my day and I don’t allow it to be anything other than that. Fandoms are based on (for the most part) fictional stuff. That’s supposed to be fun and creative and thought provoking. If fictional stuff starts to become too serious then I think people need to assess their approach.

Some fandom things ARE important and do bring up very serious and tricky topics. That’s a wonderful thing. For example, mental health or sexuality to use the ones for s3 but also so so much stuff that people have experience with or that they find hard to discuss or have VERY ingrained opinions about. There are certain things I DO NOT touch because I have views which have been dictated by personal experience (one of the reasons why some elements of s6 of Skam France atm are a no go for me) and I know many will not share my view! But that’s ok. People go through things and yes that part of it means people will have opinions. That’s a great thing! It ISN’T when those opinions are forced upon others. I’m all up for constructive criticism and for important chats in fandom, also for ensuring spaces are safe and behaviour appropriate. I’m NOT up for anything that goes beyond that into pointless negativity etc. It’s not fun for me so I leave it behind or remove it.

I guess, look at it this way. If you’re in a cafe with all of your friends and you are all going to order. You say you’re getting an iced latte and everyone else doesn’t like them. Does that stop you from getting one? Does it make you like it less? Someone tells you they had a really disgusting one once and they’re bad for you. You know you drink them in moderation and love them and they are a treat for you. Should you let that one person stop you from enjoying that treat?

Apply that same logic to fandom! It’s a kinda cheesy analogy but I hope it helps!

“Problematic” is a word I wish would be removed from modern speech as well as “discourse” and a few others. True “problematic” stuff should absolutely be raised. Most stuff labelled as “problematic” is not at all. It is someone not agreeing, not liking it, not applying objectivity. If there’s a legitimate reason why something is “problematic” then I’m all for chatting about it because perhaps I have something to learn! I have learned a lot from folks in fandoms. As Elia in Skam It said, we shouldn’t be talking about stuff we don’t know anything about. We can offer a view but those who KNOW should talk about it.

No show is perfect. None. I adore Skam Italia s2 but I still recognise a few issues, for example. It doesn’t destroy my love. I recognise that cultures and countries and approaches are different, language is different, people may not approach stuff on the same way and shows should be open to criticism (which is why I think what Wtfock have done a few times is really cool of them). It’s not a crime! Being wrong isn’t a bad thing. If you’re grown up enough to realise you maybe don’t know everything and can use it as a way to learn... then use it! And shows should take the same approach if criticism is valid and constructive... so that part of fandom is a great thing I think. It’s why I’ve always been honest about, for example, the way Ludo Bessegato or David H as show runners have really not done themselves any favours at times (if we’re sticking with Skam as an example!). Does it mean I hate them?! No! Ludo Besse is someone I have great respect for in many ways, he cares a shit ton, he has serious talent but I fully recognise he can be dramatic and also huffy and can fail to receive constructive criticism at times. Doesn’t stop him being a great dude! I am sure I stuff up at times too!!

Where it is toxic and unhelpful... it is often folks taking fictional stuff far too seriously, imposing their own views which do not require consensus, failing to see nuance or simply because they wish to be cruel. None of that is helpful and if you don’t wish to see it, you don’t have to.

I guess I’m also older. Look, I’m tired 😂 all the time. I also have a mental health condition for which distraction can help MASSIVELY. Fandom is a part of my day alongside all other stuff that adds a bit of fun and creativity and you get to meet lovely people. If that’s not what fandom is to you then try hard to make it so! I think I’ve seen it all at this point. I also recognise that I am a bit older and so maybe things don’t affect me as much. I don’t give a shit what people think. Genuinely! I am entirely who I am and love what I love with all of the important caveats that needs... and so I guess this is all the advice I have! I hope it helps and that you can enjoy fandom the way it should be enjoyed.

Life is hard as hell at the moment in MANY ways. Don’t make something designed for fun and escape into another issue to tackle. Come chat any time ❤️

#ask #positivity #wasnt sure which fandom you were speaking of so i just considered skam in general as an example!#personal

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the--sad--hatter · 6 years ago

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Game Of Survival (Bucky x Reader)

FANDOM - MARVEL

PAIRING - BUCKY X FEM!READER

WARNINGS - SMUT, VIOLENCE, ANGST, GRAPHIC BLOOD AND GORE, SWEARING, DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

DESCRIPTION -

“If you do bad things for a good reason, they’re still bad things.”

When a serial killer decides to save the world, who can she turn to for help? You went to the people who supposed to be the professionals, the experts, the heroes. You should have guessed they would try to save you as well.

When you were a young girl, you were taught that love was a weakness, a failing of the human race, an anomaly in your biology designed to keep you weak and the only way to be strong was to train yourself to never succumb to it. It was a lesson you learned well, because you had no other choice. You were a creature incapable of love, incapable of loyalty. And on your eighteenth birthday, with a stolen gun from the top drawer of your father desk, you proved just how much you had learned. The weight of the gun in your hand was a small price to pay for the weight lifted from your soul when you pulled the trigger.

“Goodbye papa.”

You never forgot the look in his eyes as you fired the gun, nor the way it felt when his blood splattered against the pristine walls. It was freedom, and it was divine.

You never stopped pulling the trigger after that day. Your goal was righteous, your methods were not.

For a scared child who cowed at the crack of a belt, you pulled the trigger.

For a young girl ripped away from her home and stowed away in the dark, you pulled the trigger.

For the young boy enticed away from his family and his veins poisoned and soul stained, you pulled the trigger.

For the parents who would never hold their child again, you pulled the trigger.

Your price was non-negotiable, a promise. To be better. Better than the one who had hurt them, better than you.

But you weren’t a hero, no matter the good you had done for the world. Nobody ever called you a hero. They wouldn’t even call you a vigilante.

They called you what you were.

Serial killer.

Drug lords, crime lords, kidnappers, sex traffickers, abusers, rapists, murderers…. They were your victims.

Your methods were brutal, unmerciful, terrifying in their violence, downright sickening in the satisfaction you derived from the heinous acts.

Nobody felt a shred of pity for those who died by your hand. Nobody ever outright condemned you for what you did, but you were just too far over the line for anybody to defend you out loud. But behind closed doors, in hushed voices, they would say it. Whenever the news showed another monster in the world, the whispers were there.

“I hope The Executioner gets them.”

Natasha Romanov had met you only once, and not a word had been spoken between you. She had pushed open the door, gun at the ready. Her mark, the man Fury had sent her to take in, dead or alive was lying on his bed. If it weren’t for the gash along his chest, from Adams apple to groin, he might have been sleeping. Moonlight streamed through the open window, glinting off of the silver blade you carefully wiped on the edge of the bedsheet. You turned your head to look at the Russian Spy, your red lips curled into a feral smirk as you raised a blood stained hand to your face, holding a finger to your lips. ‘Shhh’ you gestured, blood dripping from your fingers.

Natasha nodded once, a short but firm tilt of her head. She knew who you were because she knew who he was. A despicable man who called himself a doctor, she had seen the pictures of his ‘patients’. Or what was left of them. You turned away from her and walked out onto the balcony, disappearing from view.

Had that interaction happened a few years earlier or later, Natasha might have reacted differently. But it didn’t, and she let you walk away. Clint understood why she’d done it.

Clint had met you as well. But he had spoken to you.

You had a gun pressed to the temple of the woman Shield wanted to speak to regarding a string of unethical and dangerous experiments. Biological warfare, her victim was a small town in France. Hundreds dead, thousands more in danger.

“Put the gun down.” He ordered.

“Give me a reason.” You demanded coolly.

He thought it over before he answered because your tone wasn’t mocking or challenging. It was genuine. If he gave you a reason, you would stand down.

“She’s the only one we can get to in time to stop the next attack.” He said.

You raised the gun and pointed it at the ceiling immediately.

“Tell them what they want to know. They will put you in a cell, you’ll be safe from me.” You told her.

You walked away, right past him as if you didn’t think he would stop you.

“Wait…” He said.

“No.” You replied firmly as you continued walking.

“You can be better than this, you just proved that. Don’t you want to be a part of something bigger than this? To actually make a difference, a real one. What you’re doing, you don’t have to do alone.” He offered.

“Not interested.” You said dismissively.

“I can’t let you leave.” He warned you.

“Then stop me.” You told him without turning around as you walked out of the door.

He wanted to, but Fury told him to stand down. Clint had always wondered how you found your victims. Now he knew.

Sometimes when Nick Fury wanted someone dead, executed, a file always found its way to you. You were smart enough to know Fury was manipulating you, he was smart enough to know you didn’t care.

Contrary to what the rumours said about you, you weren’t a vengeful ghost, you weren’t a righteous demon or a dark avenging angel. You were human, an as such, you made mistakes. You were flesh and blood, and when you were cut, you bled, when you were shot, it fucking hurt.

The steady drip of your blood splattering on the floor was loud in the otherwise silent room. It wasn’t a heavy enough flow for you to bother staunching it, you wouldn’t die from blood loss so pressing something against the wound would just be unnecessary effort and pain.

Better to let the blood flow. Words you lived by.

But even lonely serial killer sometimes needed somebody to dig out the bullets and stitch them back together. Sometimes even someone who was used to working alone knew when they were in too deep.

You didn’t bother turning around when the door whooshed open.

“You.”

“Hello Clint, nice to see you again.” You said.

“Uh, who the hell is this and why is she bleeding all over my clean floors? You, creepy lady, stop bleeding on my floor.” Tony Stark instructed you.

You turned around, smirking at various The Avengers who had all gathered to hunt down the intruder. You held up the flash drive you’d almost died obtaining and tossed it at them. Clint was the one who caught it in his fist.

“Would somebody mind digging this bullet out, I’d do it myself but I’m about four and a half minutes away from dying so I don’t really have the time.” You said sarkily.

“I’m waiting for a reason we aren’t cutting that time short, Clint?” Tony sassed back.

“What’s on the flashdrive?” Clint asked you.

“Seven and a half billion reasons not to let me die. Saving the world is your thing right? Or have I broken into the wrong place?” You asked them.

You were betting you hadn’t. You were betting your life on it.

~~~~~~~~~~The Next Day~~~~~~~~~~

When Bucky was a young man, he’d been what nowadays was referred to as a player. When the war came and he shipped out he was torn between wishing he had someone to go home to when it was over, and thankful that there was nobody he might leave behind. Then came the fall and he didn’t think about things like love anymore. When the hellicarriers went down and Bucky started to regain control of his own mind, there was no space in his fractured mind for something like love. When he was in Wakanda, relearning how to be human again, he realized that someone like him wasn’t ever going to be able to find love. Then Tony Stark reached out and brought the lost Avengers home and Stark’s forgiveness went a long way to Bucky being able to start to forgive himself, but still, there was something in him that just knew love was not in his future.

Or so he thought.

It happened in a split second, on an unremarkable day. He had just returned from a mission with Steve and Sam. He was weary, bruised and tired. All that melted away, forgotten when he heard her before he saw her. A loud, unrestrained laugh, brimming and overflowing with joy. Bucky’s feet led him towards the magical sound automatically, like a siren call. He turned the corner and it was like he’d only been seeing the world in muted colours his whole life without even realising it. She had her back to him and as she turned around, hair flying out behind her, he saw the wide smile across her face, the twinkle in her eyes and everything snapped into place with an earth-shattering finality.

She was the one.

“Buckinator, come meet this delightful creature.” Tony called, waving him over.

Bucky didn’t hesitate, it wasn’t confidence, it was desperation to speak to her.

“Hi.” He breathed out, in awe of the shining beauty who was now smiling right at him. For him.

“Hello.” She said and her voice was just as melodic as her laugh.

That was the day he fell in love.

“This is The Executioner, one of the most prolific Serial Killers in the world.” Tony announced.

Her lips curled up at the edges and like a magic trick, she went from sunshine to sinful.

Unfortunately for him, she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

A/N - This is a teaser/tester. I kinda just want to write a story where the reader character is not the good guy, but she’s not the bad guy either. She’s in a very moral grey area, like Natasha would have been when Clint first found her.

However, I don’t know if it’s something worth writing or should just be one of the ones that only lives inside my mind.

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kieren-fucking-walker · 5 years ago

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Commenter appreciation

So I still have recs and things for @dghdafeedbackfest but I’ve had a heck of a day and I thought I’d try something different this time! While the fest is a focus on giving feedback to creators, I wanted to take a minute to show some appreciation for the people who show up pretty much without fail to comment on or generally enthuse about the things I create. I know for a fact that if you create in this fandom you’ll know most of these names, because they’re just that good at being supportive, wonderful people who I also know for a fact I wouldn’t still bother writing without.

So, in no particular order!

flightinflame [@flightinflame]

I see your name in my inbox and I know I’m going to smile! I love your comments and how enthusiastic you are, and I love knowing my writing makes you happy! Also doing writing sprints with you is amazing, I have no idea how you write as fast as you do, I’m in awe! Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and kindness, it makes writing things a joy ❤️

Lynds [@gold-from-straw]

So often I get comments from you that make my day! I think some of my favourites are ones where you just yell at me about emotions? It’s such a delight to receive them, and working with you on my first Big Bang for this fandom was such a wonderful experience, I honestly can’t stress enough how much that fic would not exist without you and how happy it makes me to see you in my comments! Thank you for being wonderful 🧡

kelspots [@kelspots]

You show up so frequently in my email notifications and it makes me so happy! Whenever I’m re-reading old comments I’m amazed by how often you’re there in them and how much I love to see them. Knowing you’ve enjoyed something I wrote really makes my day! Thank you for your enthusiasm and the time you’ve taken to leave me as many comments as you have 💛

juniper_and_lamplight [@juniper-and-lamplight]

Where would this fandom be without you? Your consistent support is one of the only reasons some of my fics have been finished! Your comments are always insightful and moving and your levels of rec organisation terrifies me as much as I am in awe of it. As a beta you’re amazing to work with, I’ve never felt nervous to send you anything and all of your feedback has been helpful, made me super happy, or both. Thank you for being awesome and making me feel more confident about my writing 💚

sarcastic_fangirl01 [@last-holistic-renegade]

Another mainstay who makes me seriously happy! I love reading your comments, I love knowing something I’ve written is something you’ve enjoyed! You’ve always been lovely and supportive and some of the things you’ve said about my writing have honestly made me tear up a bit! Thank you for saying such lovely things and making me want to keep writing (especially brotzly!) 💙

gallantrejoinder [@gallantrejoinder]

I’m 99% sure there was a point when you seemed to comment on the entire back catalogue of my fic and it honestly made me so happy! You always have something lovely to say and I love seeing your name in my notifications because I know it’s going to make me smile! Thank you so much for being wonderful enough to leave as many comments as you have, I hope my writing brings you as much joy as your comments bring me 💜

DontOffendTheBees [@dont-offend-the-bees]

Hellz I don’t think anybody in the history of fandom has ever had to put up with as much ridiculous bullshit fandom ideas as you have from me, and I can only thank you for being wild enough to meet all of them with enthusiasm and return with your own in kind. Writing with/around/at you is such a joy, you’ve seen so many things that are never going to make the light of day from completely random au’s to the cracky-est of crack ships, and I literally love any time we talk about anything we’re making for this fandom. One day those numerous half finished google docs I’ve thrown your way may see the light of day, but even if they don’t they’ve had a brief experience of being loved by you and that’s more than enough for me. I’m pretty sure you’re the reason half my ideas have stuck around longer than fleeting shower thoughts, and I’m always excited to share fic with you so thank you for being a great and wacky friend, and partner in what I can only describe as crimes against fandom that will not be named here ❤️

incorrigible_worksop [@incorrigible-worksop]

Delightful friend! Your enthusiasm is one of the only reasons my Tangled AU exists, I genuinely don’t think I could have gotten through that writing process without you, and the whole experience was such a joy! You’ve been commenting on my fic for ages before that though, and it always felt wonderful to see your name in my inbox because your comments are always an absolute joy to read! You’re encouraging and enthusiastic and often make me laugh, yours are one of the first I’ll go to when re-reading comments to try and remind myself I can write things people like, and I’m so so thankful that working together gave me a chance to actually talk to and get to know you. Sharing fic ideas with you and knowing you’re excited to read them only makes me want to write them more, so thank you for being so incredibly supportive and a wonderful friend 🧡

reptilianraven [@actualbird]

Whenever I get a comment from you I end up reading it multiple times a day, because I get so excited and happy reading through it that I often don’t manage to take all of it in! I’ve never not been absolutely delighted to receive a comment from you, your excitement to read my stuff makes me excited to write it, and knowing you’ve enjoyed it is such a wonderful feeling! I have no idea how you write as much as you do, but I cherish every single word and I constantly go back and read your comments when I need cheering up or reminding I can write things. Thank you so much for being so enthusiastic in telling me that you liked something I’ve written, it means the world to me! 💛

Again, this is by no means an exhaustive list, there are so many people who take the time to comment on fics and I treasure each and every comment I get. It’s the only reason I keep posting things, and I know it’s the same for a lot of other writers. I just wanted to put some appreciation out to some of those people, because I know a lot of writers are vocally frustrated about a lack of feedback these days (and in many cases understandably so) but there are people who consistently show up to support and share love for the hours of work that goes into making fic, and I absolutely cannot overstate how much I cherish those people. I think it’s safe to say at this point that while I write stories for myself, I post them for you, and it’s not something any of us should take for granted, so thank you for being so wonderful, and as most of these people write themselves I highly recommend checking out their fics and giving them as much love as they deserve 💜

#dghda feedback fest #dghda #appreciation #i literally love all of you and everyone who's ever left a comment on my fic #i cannot overstate enough that you're the only reason i keep posting things so thank you <33

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yes-hello-dbh · 6 years ago

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Gradually

A Connor x Reader fic.

No talk. Just read. And enjoy.

Connor felt indifferent towards you.

After his first impression with Hank he hadn’t been particularly enthused about being assigned another partner. He was more than capable of adapting to human unpredictability that much was certain, but the idea of having another cynical, ill-tempered, emotionally unstable human to work with would make his life far more difficult than it had to be.

Meeting you had been a breath of fresh air, as humans say.

You were nothing like Hank. Where he had been defiant and hostile, you had been civil and accepting. You showed no bias. You acted professionally. Most surprisingly, you spoke to him openly and displayed a genuine interest in his help.

Relieved and, admittedly, a bit stunned he’d asked if it bothered you that he was an android.

“Human or android, a crime is a crime. What’s the difference?”

Above all the other pleasant surprises he’d discovered about you, he found himself satisfied most with your answer.

Connor felt intrigued by you.

Humans had such peculiar ways of life- the habits that they displayed, the routines they upkept. All of them were so carefully executed yet brought, to his knowledge, no real meaning to their day to day lives.

Being Cyberlife’s most effective model meant that he was instilled with the notion that everything had a purpose. Every step. Every calculation. Every analysis. Each was executed with the intent to complete a comprehensive task dedicated to his primary objective. Even his seemingly human habit of coin tossing came with the purpose of calibrating his systems.

To him, it seemed so frivolous to complete a task that contributed nothing to their own current objectives.

Humans displayed such strange behavior, repetitively, he noted.

You were no exception.

The way that you blew on your coffee exactly three times despite knowing that it would do nothing to cool it down.

The way you would walk away from a frustrating case file and immediately come back to it after a mere 6.62 second average, no new insight found.

The way you brought your headphones to every crime scene despite never once listening to music outside of the office.

Why do it? Why waste time doing such meaningless acts of repetition when it could be spent on completing something truly relevant in the field?

It eluded him. You eluded him.

…

Yet he couldn’t help but feel intrigued.

Connor felt conflicted by you.

From the moment he was activated there had been only one thing on his mind. The mission.

Biocomponents. Model numbers. Case files. Every minute of every day was filled with nothing but information on the deviants he was assigned to neutralize. As Cyberlife’s last hope to end the uprising before it began, Connor pursued his mission with a searing drive. He completed every task efficiently, almost religiously, and without fail. It was his sole purpose, his only reason for existence. In a way the mission was his lifeline. Without it there was no him.

And then there was you.

An excellent partner and an even better detective, Connor had been continuously impressed by your work ethic. You were just as determined as him, if not more, and you’d proven time and time again that having an android around wasn’t going to stop you from doing whatever it took to solve a case. He would have accomplished his mission even without the DPD’s help, but with every new case, he found that working alongside you had made his mission even more probable of success.

That was his initial thought, at least.

The mission was of utmost importance, his top priority, yet the words of such overwhelming kindness and sincerity spoken from you.

The way you smiled at him as if he were human…alive.

Suddenly there were two things that occupied his mind. As his time with you progressed, he refused to admit which one he began to favor more.

Connor was distressed by you.

He had never felt fear for his own well-being. He was a soldier. A machine. He was expendable and could be easily replaced with the snap of a finger. Being in such a dangerous field this artificial immortality of his proved to be useful.

He’d never been concerned with his safety.

Yours, however, he concerned with all too much.

Humans were so fragile, so very fragile, and he never realized the terrifying truth of this until he met you.

“It’s a flesh wound, Connor. I’m fine.”

But you weren’t fine. Not really. Statistically speaking, a bullet to the shoulder roughly had an 84% survival rate in normal circumstances. Received in a high-risk field such as law enforcement then that percentage dropped to 79%. The rate was still fairly high, albeit undesirable. Connor knew this. The minute he saw the android fire the gun his brain had already computed the outcome and chance of your survival.

But the splatter of crimson as you crumpled to the floor, your pained scream echoing in his ears…

In that brief moment, he forgot the statistics.

He didn’t care what Amanda thought. He didn’t care that he needed the android alive. He didn’t care that he very well lost one of his only chances to get information on Jericho. All he cared about was that it hurt you.

His only thought before pulling the trigger was that he wouldn’t have hesitated even if it were human.

Connor felt exhausted by you.

Androids couldn’t experience physical fatigue. They had no brains to overwork or muscles to wear out, no need for food or water or sleep. Their bodies were meant to last for decades at maximum efficiency. They were the perfect machines, and naturally, they could never feel tired.

Connor soon realized that this statement was completely false.

In the six agonizing hours that he’d spent waiting for your surgery to be over he’d become painstakingly aware of how tired androids could get. It was like his body had become lead, a ridiculous statement considering he was primarily made of plastic. No matter how many statistics he went through to keep himself focused- the total pints of blood contained in a hospital, the different types of emergency surgery and their subcategories, the aftereffects of anesthesia- he found himself feeling more and more exhausted as the hours ticked by.

4 hours, 27 minutes, and 14 seconds. That was how long your surgery took. When he saw the doctor walk through the hospital doors he can say with absolute certainty that it was the most adrenaline-induced experience he’d felt since activation.

He’d held your hand as you slept. 98.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Heart rate 72 beats per minute. Vitals. Your vitals.

The exhaustion of waiting was nothing compared to the crushing relief that washed over him seeing you alive.

Connor felt invigorated by you.

Deviation was…a conflicting process. Granted, he wasn’t even fully aware he had deviated before leaving to infiltrate Jericho, however the final decision during his confrontation with Markus had not been surprising, much to his- well, surprise. But deep down he always knew that no abundance of statistics could cloud the memories of you that now flooded his mind. Your laugh. Your smile. Your loving words.

Where he once focused all of his being on accomplishing the mission he now found himself directing towards fighting for you, living for you, and it gave him a new sense of purpose that brought a completeness he had never felt before. It felt foreign, yet so right, as if his entire being was meant to intertwine with yours. As if nothing else mattered but you.

It frightened him almost as much as it inspired him.

It was this invigoration that helped him realize that infiltrating Cyberlife was the only way to truly remain by your side.

“Come back to me.”

Even if it meant dying for you.

But he refused to let it come to that.

Connor felt saddened by you.

As Hank pointed the gun at his head, the imposter only inches away from himself, he couldn’t help the pang in his chest as he lamented over the words he never got to say to you.

Connor felt elated by you.

They had won.

They were free.

Amidst the cheering and tearful embraces from his people, nothing made him happier on that day than the feeling of your lips on his when he returned to the hospital. There was so much he had yet to understand. So much he had yet to experience. He was ecstatic. Relieved. Conflicted. Fearful. So many emotions that he couldn’t possibly begin to process in that moment.

But perhaps for the first time amidst these conflicting feelings, holding you in his firm embrace, he understood what it meant to be alive.

Connor felt many things by you, but above all else…

“I do.”

He felt loved by you.

AN: You know, sometimes you’re supposed to be working on an English paper and sometimes you end up finishing a six month old 1.4k fic...*wheeze*

Also hi there. Introducing fake statistics by @yes-hello-dbh . Don’t tell anyone.

But in all seriousness, I dropped this wip back in like September(?) and completely forgot about it for a while. Glad I went digging through my old works and decided to finish it. It’s a little rushed, and I know the dbh fandom is practically dead at this point, but it never hurts to introduce new content. Hope you enjoyed!

(lowkey for @the-darklings as she focuses on other fandom works. take some dbh content love. You’re doing great <3)

#detroit become human #dbh connor #dbh fic #deviant!connor #connor x reader #rk800 x reader #deviant!connor x reader #writing #fics #my posts

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fandomshatelgbtqpeople · 6 years ago

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On JK Rowling, Dumbledore, lycanthropy, and cultural context

I want to address an idea I’ve been seeing pop up a lot recently, which is that JK Rowling added Dumbledore being gay and lycanthropy being a metaphor for AIDS years later in order to seem progressive, and I’ve put a lot of time into thinking about why these claims bother me (since I’m definitely not mad on Jo’s behalf because she’s been dead to me since 2016), and I think it really comes down to this. These claims are based entirely off of how things are today and show a fundamental disregard for the cultural context at the time that’s concerning and feels dismissive to the people who lived through it. Basically, it goes hand in hand with the lack of knowledge and sometimes intentional rewriting of our community’s history that’s so prominent on this site.

Note that I am not arguing that Dumbledore is good rep or that the lycanthropy-HIV metaphor was well executed (or even a good idea in the first place). I just wish people would stop treating these things like JK Rowling said them yesterday as opposed to 12 years ago.

1. Dumbledore being gay

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out in July 2007 and Jo first publicly said Dumbledore was gay and in love with Grindelwald in October 2007, so the idea that she added it years later is just factually untrue. It came out three months after the release of the final book.

Let’s take a look at public attitude towards queer people in 2007. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m American, so I’ve done my best to find data on the UK, but most of my info is from the US.

In 2007, in the US, Gallup reported that only 59% of adults surveyed believed consensual sex between two people of the same gender should be legal, that 46% of adults believed that same-sex marriage should be legal and come with all the same rights are marriage between a man and a woman, and that 50% of adults favored a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman. Despite all that, only 22% of surveyed adults answered that they thought gays and lesbians (the language in the poll) should be more accepted in the US and 27% of adults thought gays and lesbians should be less accepted. Jumping back to 2005, 43% of respondents didn’t think gay people should be hired as elementary school teachers and 36% didn’t think we should be hired as high school teachers. I mention these numbers specifically because they’re relevant to Dumbledore.

On the legal side of things, there were enforceable sodomy laws on the books in 13 states until 2003, four years before Deathly Hallows came out and Jo announced that Dumbledore was gay. In 2004, the fact that Kerry was in favor of same-sex marriage was considered a significant liability in his presidential campaign because even a lot of democrats still didn’t support it. In October, 2007 when Jo did that interview, same-sex marriage was legal only in Massachusetts, civil unions were legal in four states, and domestic partnerships were legal in three states. Meanwhile, twenty-five states had constitutional bans on same-sex marriage and twelve of those states also had constitutional bans on other rights, such as civil unions and domestic partnerships or extensions of employment benefits to same-sex partners.

In the UK in 2007, just under 40% of adults believed that same-sex relationships were morally okay, 17% strongly agreed that same-sex marriage should be legal, and just under 45% believed that a same-sex couple could raise a child as well as a man and a woman. A 2005 Gallup poll found that, 38% of Brits believed homosexuality should be more widely accepted, 15% thought it should be less widely accepted, and 44% thought the currently level of acceptance was about right.

On a more personal note, my high school hired its first openly gay teacher in 2008, and the fact that he was gay was considered pretty scandalous among the student body. We had a gay band instructor, but he only ever referred to his partner as his roommate. When we did debates in social studies classes, same-sex marriage was always one of the issues we had to debate over. Of the eleven people I went to high school with whom I now know are queer, only three of them were out in high school. That’s how uncommon it was at the time to come out before you were relatively independent.

So this idea that announcing that a prominent character who was a headmaster at a school and had a close relationship to the teenage boy main character in a wildly popular children’s book series was gay would have been a popular move in 2007 is pretty laughable to anyone old enough to remember what 2007 was actually like. No one was using support for queer people just to bolster their public image unless their product was specifically marketed towards queer people, because the general wisdom at the time was that it would hurt them too badly with straight audiences. In fact, if memory serves, the queer fandom’s reaction to Dumbledore was initially pretty positive because it was more than we ever thought we were going to get. I didn’t start seeing people talk about how it wasn’t enough or about how the entire plot line was homophobic until maybe 2012.

You can’t use today’s context to interpret why someone made a decision in 2007 because it’s difficult to overstate how different things are now. The only reason to want to look pro-gay in 2007 was if you genuinely thought it was the right thing to do.

2. Lycanthropy and HIV

I was genuinely surprised when this caused a stir when JK Rowling tweeted (?) about it in 2016 because I was pretty sure she’d talked about lycanthropy being a metaphor for HIV years ago. It turns out I was right. She discussed it during the copyright trial she was involved in in 2008 (you can find it here, on pages 72-73). So it didn’t come out until nine years after Prisoner of Azkaban and three years after Half-Blood Prince (when Fenrir Greyback was introduced), but it’s not something she first mentioned on twitter in between tweets about how she meant for Nagini to be a Korean woman in 1989. It was before she was shooting off her mouth about ridiculous stuff every other day.

Regardless, I can understand why that would feel like her pulling something out of left field today because HIV doesn’t get talked about as much, but you have to remember that these books were written in the 90s at the height of the AIDS crisis. It’s difficult to imagine how much that permeated our culture if you didn’t experience it, even for someone like me who was in elementary school in a white suburban area and, as far as I’m aware, didn’t know anyone who was HIV+. My school had a how-not-to-get-AIDS assembly every year. They probably showed us every movie in existence about kids with HIV. After-school TV shows did special episodes about how you shouldn’t be “blood brothers” with your friends because of AIDS.

So when my friends and I were reading Prisoner of Azkaban as middle schoolers in the early 2000s, those memories were still fresh in our heads. We didn’t need to be told lycanthropy was supposed to be a metaphor for HIV because it had just been a huge issue five years ago and we knew enough about HIV and how the people who had it were treated to see the parallels. I imagine it was even clearer to the people who read PoA right when it first came out in 1999. It didn’t even occur to me that the metaphor is less obvious to people who are younger until I started seeing claims about this was just something she made up years after the fact and was like, "What do you mean this wasn’t clear to you when you read the book?” It fits perfectly with the general public’s preoccupation with and faulty understanding of AIDS in the late 90s. You just have to acknowledge that things have changed in the past twenty years.

I know that this comparison calls on a lot of stereotypes that are homophobic and otherwise bigoted against people who are HIV+, but those aren’t arguments against the metaphor existing and being intentional, they’re arguments about why that’s not a good thing. Fenrir Greyback is straight out of a 90s detective show. The “person with AIDS who wants to infect other people because they’re bitter about it” was such a common trope that almost every crime drama in the 90s and early 2000s did an episode about it. The “adult man gives a young boy HIV” thing grew out of the “gay men are pedophiles” and “queer people want to recruit your kids” stereotypes. These were prejudices Jo had that misinformed her writing.

I don’t have a whole lot to say on this one other than that given when it was written and how close it fits, including how much it draws on negative 90s-era stereotypes about people who are HIV+, I would honestly have a harder time believing it wasn’t intentional than believing it was.

Anyway, really my point is that it wasn’t always 2019 and if you’re using only today’s culture to inform your opinions about why someone made a certain decision a decade or two ago, not only is your understanding of the situation going to be incomplete, but the fact that it’s incomplete is going to be obvious to anyone who remembers what things were like during the time period you’re trying to talk about.

#modk #harry potter

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sunsetsover · 3 years ago

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Would you ever want EE to do a proper mental health storyline for Ben, or would you be concerned they'd make a mess of it?

I say "proper" not to dismiss everything that's already happened but more... he's obviously got a mental illness but the characters and writing don't really acknowledge it properly, it's more an unnamed Thing that causes angst and drama and is just like... oh man, there'sBen being unreasonable and crazy again! Whew he tried to kill his dad and had a breakdown but anyways!!! As fans we can say this that and the other is subtext but it would be cool to have a story where he/his family and friends - and the audience - actually have to acknowledge it as something more than Just Ben Kicking Off, Again, or Daddy Issues, Again.

i def wouldn’t be opposed to it !! i mean i’ve been saying ben has bpd since i first started watching again 2019 and i still firmly stand by that lmao and to be perfectly honest i’m not NEARLY as critical of ee’s handling of delicate storylines as a lot of ppl online like tbh i think they’ve done a decent job of all the difficult sls they’ve had recently (except chantelle/gray’s but even then (controversial opinion incoming !) i think for as much of a piece of shit gray is he’s a really interesting character and in a sick kind of way i like his scenes bc the actor is really good at playing an absolutely despicable bastard so in a weird way i get why they’d milk him for all his worth but that’s another can of beans lmao) like i think bobby’s mental health sls were handled well (apart from the fact his ocd sl kind of disappeared but that’s not an issue w the sl itself) and so far imo they’ve done a p great job w isaac’s mh sl so i’m not one of those ppl who are like ‘omg no more serious/difficult sls the show isn’t good at them !!!’

if they were to do it it’d have to be some point in the future i mean w callum’s ptsd sl basically confirmed they’d have to kind of play that out and then give it a rest for a little while so maybe in a couple of years?? and imo if they were to give ben a mental health sl they’d have to have some big trigger/episode happen to kind of bring up the issue again bc like u said it’s kind of like swept under the rug for a lot of characters as ben being ben and plus aside from in the aftermath of the boat stuff last year he’s been fairly stable since he’s been w callum so you’d need some kind of catalyst to send him off the rails again for it to become an Actual Conversation. and if callum started seeing some more professionals long term for his ptsd it would make sense for him to maybe be more likely to call out issues as he sees them?? if that makes sense ??

(as for an actual bpd sl i wouldn’t be opposed to that either i mean i feel like more ppl need to know what bpd is/what it entails just in general plus all of the ground work is literally right there and has been since ben’s childhood like imo you could not get a better diagnosis for ben than bpd but that’s just me !! but on the flip side i know a lot of ppl would probably be super critical of it a) bc of ben’s past actions/behaviours w crime and his manipulation and stuff and ppl w bpd get a bad rep for manipulation anyway but i personally am all for bad/imperfect rep plus imo it would help explain some of that behaviour and b) bpd is so kind of unknown?? niche in a way ?? and like there SO many different experiences w the same disorder that there are bound to be ppl complaining abt how it’s inaccurate or whatever ?? like i’d get why the ee team would be like ‘not worth the aggro lmao x’ but like i said imo if they WERE to go that way w ben’s character there’s no better diagnosis for him than bpd so ..... and i know you didn’t ask abt this specifically but if they were to go this way this is what i would want lmao)

idk i guess a mental health sl for ben is not smth i desperately want bc in my heart him having bpd is canon as far as i’m concerned but at the same time it’s definitely not smth i’d be opposed to if ben’s mental health issues became a serious problem again u know??? like it would be really nice to be like ‘ben’s not causing this problems just for the fuck of it, there’s a reason and this is it’ but at the same time i get why as a show they might not wanna do that so ??? idk i’m not particularly bothered one way or the other bc like i said in my heart me and him are bpd twins so !!!

the ONLY reason i'd be apprehensive is bc of audience reaction. like nbf people's reactions to ben's actions last year when he was so clearly going thru a crisis were so ugly and genuinely difficult to read as a mentally ill person and i haven't forgotten or forgiven that plus seeing how ppl are already reacting to callum actually showing symptoms of his ptsd and being Obviously Mentally Ill the exact same way and it's already tiring and UGLY like honestly ??? the majority of ppl in this fandom aren't mature enough and don't have the critical thinking skills needed for such a serious sl for ben and/or callum. they didn't during callum's struggle w him coming out (it wasn't as bad then but i promise it was still there) they didn't during ben's deafness sl/his breakdown in the aftermath of that and they are already showing that they're gonna be the same during callum's ptsd sl. and it's irking bc it's like.... ben and callum are BOTH victims of traumatic childhoods and abuse and are BOTH pretty obviously dealing with mental health issues bc of the shit they've been thru but the minute they actually show symptoms or act in a way that is clearly bc of trauma and/or mental illness it's literally like the world is ending on here n the characters are being ruined and their relationship is being ruined etc and don't even get me started on the way they talk abt these symptoms completely ignoring the fact that these are actual real life symptoms of real life illnesses that affect real life ppl..... the way ppl used to talk abt ben struggling to cope w his disability used to COMPLETELY fuck w my head as someone who used to do similar things while i struggled w my disability .... aha ....

but that's neither here nor there lmao the point is it's not the show i don't trust to do a decent job it's the audience's ability to handle it for what mental illness actually entails (aka the difficult/ugly symptoms) while not be complete dicks about it or making it abt ballum. but at the same time i wouldn't be opposed to a mental health sl for ben at all !!! i'd probably just hope it's not anytime in the next year or so and then disappear off the internet while it plays out lmao

💞💞💞

#sorry this is so long and also that it took me so long to answer lmao #tldr ben has bpd idc what the show says idc if it ever becomes canon he just does ! i can't make the man not borderline !#eastenders #anon #question

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