#didnt wanna lose her this way... would rather she broke down or something

[wp100]

my original car I owned is officially a write-off. Thank god. Took like over a week for that to happen. But I'm relieved about this.

Sucks the accident happened in the first place, but at least I'm still here. I love my new car, but my old one had zero issues apart from a wheel cracking and some other things but she was perfect, and was quite low kms (not too much over 108,000). written-off too early :(

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 17 -  “Bamboozle Me Faster So I Can Go To Sleep” - Sarah (FINALE)

Okay so Caeleb went out last round by a 4-3 vote against Sarah, in which, was surprised Sarah got that many votes, as I had thought Stoner was getting the votes over Sarah from the other side.  End of the day though, didn't really affect much, as target still went to jury, although was by far the toughest vote yet that I have had to make, as I really do personally like Caeleb, he was just too big a threat to be keeping around.   Now, I made the final 6, got a jigsaw immunity to try to win, or at least, one of myself, Stoner, Sarah or Tommy win this immunity, to keep the power on our side.  Then, my ideal this round would actually be Eve going over Kevin, but, I have a feeling my side will probably want to rather target Kevin.  So, will see what occurs, and go from there.   If anything, might even do a vote split if one of us 4 win immunity, but time will tell.   Anyways, it's surreal to believe that this game is almost over, and hoping to make final 5!

well........ y'all its a sad day, caeleb went home last night, 4-3 myself and eve in the minority with him, and its not looking too good for us. BUT WAIT RIGHT THERE.... i wake up and look in my bag and my CINNAMON APPLE CAELEB GAVE ME THE LEGACY ADVANTAGE !!!!! this acts as an idol at the final 6 which means I'm not going home !!!!! This is an incredible feeling but it still only gets me to the final 5, I have to play out from there until the end. I'm in a tricky situation with eve who I trust, but with this immunity being a puzzle i think if i really tried i could have a good shot at winning but do i risk winning 2 immunities in a row and THEN on top of that playing an advantage?? my threat level would increase SO MUCH, but it might be what i need, i dont see myself in the position to make any big flashy strategic moves in this end game, meaning i have to make a statement some other way to the jury. But do I risk losing the last 2 immunities?? It's an incredibly tough call that I have to make before i would like because i work through the challenge deadline and the first 2 hours of tribal, so i really need to get my shit together soon. I'm a lot of things but a quitter is not ones, im not in an ideal position but at least im in any position, better this than ponderosa. I just have to make the best move WHATEVER that is, and hope that it pays off in the longrun. Do i pitch a final 3 to tommy?? Would he take me to the end? Do i try and rekindle with sarah/stoner or do I bank on my relationship with darcy is enough to keep me in? So many factors, so little time, so many possibilities. Survivor gods please be on my side. Please. 

Eve I love you and you're great, but you pushed way too hard to know what my vote was, then tried to vote me out. Even if I'm a goat, I'm not THAT stupid 👀 Also. Even if I don't get individual immunity, I fuckin LOVE PUZZLES 

I can't believe I made it to the finale after this crazy season but it's no time to slow down I'm in the Final 6 and I need to keep playing hard because now I can be in a vulnerable position after flipping last tribal. I just need to make sure I don't go home tonight, or Darcy, or Stoner. Right now I think I can potentially win if I get to the end with the people I'm planning to so I just need to keep trying my hardest to stay afloat in this game, keep moving towards the goal and doing my best. Hopefully I end up on top! :) 

CHRIS IS VOTED OUT

Final 5 and I feel like I already lost the game, but as long as they keep me I'm going to keep fighting until the end and try to win at final tribal council if I''m able to survive. I think if I can survive tonight's Final 5 tribal I have a really good shot at making it to Final 3 so it's all about making it to Final 3 at this point because I need to be there to have a shot at winning. 

BAMBOOZLE ME FASTER SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP. But hey last tribal was spicy as hell idk how I keep being so stupid STONER YOU FOOL. I'm voting Darcy because I'm salty about being lied to, if I get voted out this round I'm ok with it because I made it this far anyways and I think I played an honest ass game. I'd rather go down with some dignity and no sense of moral turmoil and guilt (cough cough stoner) than go lying through my teeth to people I kinda like talking to. Also I watched tribal at 2am and never went to sleep again and am moderately delirious so catch me on no beauty sleep tonight only <3 

IM IN THE FINAL 5 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I WON IMMUNITY AND IM IN THE FINAL 4, BY 1 FREAKING POINT!!!! god bless...... i didnt confess last round so lets jump back... actually i might've but not after that TRIBAL. So basically i won immunity and had the legacy advantage which meant me and eve were in the final 5, but not everyone knew that, when i did my talking it seemed as though the consensus was DARCY... or so i thought, but either way I didnt want darcy out which meant I had to do something, despite eve wanting darcy too with my legacy advantage being the key component to that whole round I knew stoner had to go home after our last conversation together, practically threatening me and telling me im a big threat and im gonna go home, all while cockily saying he's not going anywhere, and continuously talking about how keeping him is good because he's gonna do what's "convenient" but guess what stoner, you can't reason with convenience, so he had to go. so I told eve we should do stoner instead, the threat of him having an idol had been around since the final 7 and with next round the last time to play one and my legacy being good until 6 i was in a tricky spot, so I swapped mine and eves votes to stoner and luckily they split they're votes somehow for some reason and after eves 2 were cancelled the vote was 2-2 which could have ended up as a tie but with myself and eve both SAFE we had nothing to lose to campaign at tribal why stoner should go and how we aren't going to flip our votes, in the end it worked and 4-0. After tribal i approach sarah considering her allies just blindsided her to which i am presented with the idea that she wants DARCY gone, cracks were already forming which is JUST WHAT I WANTED, i knew stoner was the glue holding sarah and darcy together if at all considering each of their relationships to him, so cutting him out broke the ice on the darcy vs sarah fued. Fast forward to now, i win immunity after a STRESSFUL FUCKING DAY OF THIS CHALLENGE, but i won so im GRATEFUL. Anyways it seems like people still wanna do Darcy, tommy and eve included, HOWEVER, if i had it my way tommy would go home tonight, he's a big physical threat and if FIC is a pressure cooker I don't see myself beating him, and if i can use this to keep darcy on my side and potentially protect me if eve flips on me at four then thats great, if not that then darcy and sarah can continue to be at each others throats while me and eve go to the final 3. 

DARCY IS VOTED OUT

SARAH IS VOTED OUT

Tonight is final trial! I need all the luck I can get, tonight it the determining factor that will show who the winner of this long chaotic season will be, stay tuned!

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL TAKES PLACE

Well tonight after final tribal council it feels like I have no chance, I was thrown off by nicole (Rightfully so) and didn't know how to recover. Ive learned how Egotistical and how much of a bully people see me as. I really dont see a point in winning a game if people think im those things. I really hope kevin gets his second win and joins the ranks of 2 time winners, he really deserves it, hes so kind and has been typing to me while i was crying after that all. To say the least, I dont know what else to say in this game, I had a lot of fun getting to know people. I played hard, but unfortunately I guess I need to do some self work from the sounds of it. Maybe I'm just taking Nicoles speech about me to hard, but i really thought me and her made up. Clearly, theres still some things that need to be discussed between the two of us. I never meant to hurt anyones feelings, put down anyone, or make people feel like they where beneath me, but I guess i did, and I have to own that now. This game really has reminded me of why 1) I am in this community because of the AMAZING PEOPLE ive met and 2) Why i need to take a break from them, because at the end of the day, I clearly have a lot to work on to make sure im not an egotistical bully, for some reason those words stuck with me more than anything else that was said tonight. Thank you monty and gage for the AMAZING season and the good times, sorry if my game was not as good as it could be. I feel like ive crawled my way up from the bottom so many times. And here I am sitting at FTC, feeling on the bottom again. 

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Lola Thomas

Will she friend us on Facebook yet? Lola has been accepted! Send in your blog and faceclaim!

out of character info

Name/Alias: lexi (yeah im gonna try this again because looks like the negativity is GONE. BLESS.)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 18

Join Our Discord: Yeaaaah

Timezone: central

Activity: 7 ( i do work so activity will prolly bump before 2pm and after 8pm lmao )

Triggers: nada

Password: jimmy can fast pass my ass ;))

Character that you’re applying for: Lola Thomas

Favourite ships for your character: going in this with a clean slate so try and give me a favorite ship? ’,:)

in character info

Full name: Lola Diane Thomas

Birthday: May 20th.

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: pansexual, female, she/her

Age and grade: 16 (almost 17) && senior.

Faceclaim: Taylor Hill

Appearance:

Head: Lola is what you call a tall glass of water. She’s refreshingly attractive. Her eyes are neither blue or green but a weird combination of the two colors, making them pop against her naturally darkened complexion. Her hair is soft and wavy and like to tangle near the ends by the time Lola is out of school and on the way to work. It’s color likes to change with the rare sunlight, meaning if she is outside in the sun all day every day natural highlights will appear in her honey chestnut tresses. Her nose is like a little button that deserves to be booped constantly. Her lips are full and plump- to that she owes genetics. Lola believes it is her only good trait.

Body: A natural looker. She stands at about 5'8, so be prepared if you’re tiny. She will tower you with her legs for DAYS.  She doesn’t have particularly large assets but they are there. And it’s a nice handful on either side of the equator. You just gotta look for them behind her non-stop barrage of sweaters. She likes to say she has a white girl booty- its cute && snooty. Her shoulders and cheeks are very, very, lightly dusted in freckles you can only see in the winter. Despiter her tall figure, Lola is NOT a bean pole, she’s slim thicccc weighing about 145 pounds and it’s not in her face.

Style: Lola dresses like she lives in Goodwill, trendy and thrifty. She would kill for knee socks and button up blouses. She aims to look like ‘The classic look of a teenager in the 90’s’. Her shoes will never don a heel for she believes she is 'too tall’ for them. She likes to keep a mellow color scheme for all her clothing items. Tan, green, white. Sometimes she looks like the first instagram post you see tagged * v i n t a g e. *

Personality: 

First off let’s get this straight, with Lola it’s not a personality but more of how she adopts a personality to fit each social clique she is suckered into that day. If you dig deeep deeeeeep down pass the meme references and pop culture shout outs- she’s awfully shy and hates making the first move in ANY kind of situation. She is sympathetic to most of the problems she hears- other than relationship ones. What’s a feeling for someone else other than your cat? She doesn’t get it. Skittish doesn’t even cover how much of a fraidy cat she is.. One little boo when she’s not expecting it is enough to get Lola to shriek and jump three feet into the air. She does have a nuturing instinct, finding it rather difficult to see anyone lonely or upset.

Once you get to know Lola, she is a sweetheart with a soul of gold. She would freeze in the frigid temperatures to keep her friend warm. She’s the girl who will sneak you into her house so you dont have to go home if you’re scared too or can’t. She is quite snarky however- as if a dam broke and every witty thought ever spun in her head rushes out. Once you get her talking about something she is personally interested in, good luck shutting her up. Lola is also a very superstitious person. Never one too step on a crack or split a pole. Her biggest quirk would have to be her need for reassurance that her jokes are funny. She thinks of herself as a comedian but is already sure everyone thinks she is trying too hard. She is a rather dull girl on the outside, moody and solemn. But if you can crack into her cold shell there’s an ooey gooey sweetness inside. Lola is often easily upset- movies to road kill make her tear up. Anytime she even gets mad the salry reminders if her lameness well up in her eyes. And that only pisses her off more.

Despite having a cool exterior she can and will snap- just push the right buttons. 

History:

Lola wouldnt deem herself an outcast yet she would always feel that way. Whether she was cheering with the girls or writing lists with Jenny, her feelings were uncontrollable. Her anxiety makes it impossible to determine if someone is being nice to her or if they have a plot to harm her. In middle school, Lola secretly dreamt of becoming a goth kid- going as far as painting her nails black for two years. But her fears never made her set out to do it. Plus everyone was a little then so isn’t that technically confirming? Her school work was the only thing Lola was ever certain in. Work was easy, you couldn’t fuck it up by being a complete oddball. It was practically memorization. After starting high school, Lola was practically a wallflower. Hell she was the wall and the flower all wrapped in one. She dropped every friendship and dedicated herself to her studies and her pets. After she got a job she was allowed to have them finally and her fur babies were the only things she cared about truly and deeply. For they could never hate their mother.

Things were always tough for Lola, socially or economically, but that didn’t mean her childhood sucked. It just meant instead of a Barbie dreamhouse for Christmas she got the summer edition Barbie. Not a house. Just the doll. Jealousy is an emotion often clouding her anxieties and judgement on people. It caused her to lose her best friend since.. Well, as long as she could remember. Lola grew jealous and almost possessive over Jenny. She probably didn’t mean too but when she saw Jenny getting along with people when she couldnt caused a burning rage to settle in her chest. It got so bad Lola didnt even speak to anyone for a week before blowing up and ruining her only real friendship.

Just because she looks innocent doesn’t mean the brunette is. There are probably a few flat tires and keyed cars residing in South Park that are Lola’s own doing. Not to mention she is a total bystander. You wanna skip school? Cool, yeah I’ll watch for a teacher. You wanna smoke pot in the bathroom? It’s all good as long as she gets a hit. These are all childish 'bad behaviors’ but as Lola sees it, there’s no point in trying that hard to be bad. After all the one time she tried it, the poor thing almost died from hypothermia after blindly listening to a slumber party dare.

You aren’t supposed to sneak out in slumber parties. Or streak in Wal-Mart. Or jump of a bridge into negative temp waters. But these are all things Lola did too prove she was cool. And it ended up with her grounded, being hospitalised for pneumonia, and gaining a large fear of heights. And a hatred for party games.

Sample paragraph:

Of course, it was another cold blustery day. Chestnut tresses fluttered in front of her sight along the whole way home, it didn’t matter how many times she forcefully blew the bangs out of her face- they always flopped back down. Numbing fingers clutched tighter to the soft cloth lining of her jacket pockets. The index fingers and thumbs of both hands pinching at the materiel. Gosh- why is it always freezing? Dull orbs flittered around the blank scenery of the all too familiar path from her house to the school. The only sounds Lola could hear were the crunching of her flats against the snow and the wind whipping furiously around her. Boring. It was all white and boring. Lola was tired of being bored. She imagined that would be the only feeling she could muster for the rest of her life and it made the corners of her glossed lips tug down.

She shook her head as if to clear the thoughts instantly, humming a tune to distract herself as she continued on her trek.

One step, two step, three step…

…Sixteenth step-

Lola really needed a friend. A small sigh lifted her chest and as it billowed past her mouth she noticed movement in her peripherals. Was she really looking down this whole time like an idiot? How embarrassing! She clenched her hands into fists, further rumpling the jacket from its own pockets. Avoiding any kind of eye contact she swayed over to the side near the street and hurried her steps along. Too fast to count now. She passed the figure and her hands slowly unfurled. The blood rushing to her digits made them quite warm and her face flushed as well. God she was awkard.

Just as she thought she was in the clear, Lola felt a tap on her shoulder and her heart stuttered in its cavity as she stumbled to a stop. Fuck.

Headcanons:

🌟 owns a bike but rarely rides it.

🌟 has one cat- a black kitten named sparrow.

🌟 also two rats- yin and yang which are little chocolate colored sisters.

🌟 3.8 GPA

🌟 wants to learn french

🌟 owns a polaroid camera kinda girl

🌟 gardens in her free time

Anything else:

Im really insecure so if it takes me time to reply its cuz im demeaning myself and my baby and my words. 

[greystoner]

Do u have a post somewhere abt your ocs? Who are they what do they do!

HOO BOY sorry this took me so long to get to i havent had a lot of spoons

my ocs are all a part of my original story which i still… need to title lmao. or at least, my main 3 ocs are! valére, cosette, and theodore. i have a 4th in the making named apollo but i don’t have a lot down for him yet. and a 5th one will be revealed in the future

i can try to give a description of their original canon (it’s basically like a supernatural/horror/comedy) and then talk about each of Them specifically. i actually have a pinterest board i started making for the story the other night. and the 3 of them have their own individual boards too.

first thing’s first: the setting of the story is primarily in france.

basically in the world there’s a handful of individuals who are very, very sensitive to the supernatural. you can think something like mediums/psychics, but their sensitivity is far beyond those. it starts when they’re a child, seeing supernatural things such as ghosts/spirits etc on a regular basis. each person has different reactions to it of course, but many get so used to it that they don’t realize how Not Normal it really is.

there’s also these supernatural beings i’ve been calling ‘messengers’ for now until i come up with something better. they’re neither good nor evil, necessarily, but they’re generally tasked with fighting off monsters and at times, keeping a close eye on that handful of humans because, obviously, these humans would attract anything supernatural like a moth to a flame. it can put them in a lot of danger. but their main job is to fight off malevolent creatures from the world. the messengers tend to travel between the mortal world and others frequently, and often take the shape of animals or even people. with animals, most try to pick an animal that would easily blend in. so basically birds, cats, dogs, etc. some have one animal they stick with, others change depending on where they’re going.

a lot of the monsters can’t be seen by normal humans, but normal humans can still certainly be affected by them. the monsters that these messengers have to fight off range from imps to goblins right up to thinks that border on eldritch abominations. think a lot like, monsters you’d see in bloodborne or dark souls or w/e.

also messengers can be considered “symbiotic” while demons are “parasitic”. but that’s a whole other worldbuilding post for another time.

BUT ANYWAY ONTO THE CHARACTERS THEMSELVES please be prepared for a shitton of Words and rambling

ok starting with valére. here’s his pinterest board

and here’s a drawing of him a friend of mine did a while back

so valére is kinda like the Main Protag of the story. he’s the one that’s most fleshed out currently. he’s a 39 year old dude of french peruvian descent that was born in marseilles, france. his father’s side of the family were peruvian immigrants and have been in france for a few generations. his mother is french/polish, so val is mixed, but takes a lot more after his father’s side.

he’s a 6′5″ brick wall of muscle and appears intimidating at first, the scars don’t help, but he’s a giant teddybear. he’s very friendly, smiles a lot, laughs a lot, but can be a little odd with his behavior and people can think he’s a little weird because of it.

he grew up in marseilles and had a pretty cozy life. his parents weren’t Rich but were definitely upper class, so they never struggled much. the visions of spirits and whatnot were always present thru his childhood and he never thought much of them, they were just a normal occurrence in his mind. so it was easy for him to ignore them and vice versa, and it was hard for anything malevolent to feed off of him.

he did have some trouble making friends growing up though, mostly because a lot of other kids thought he was a weirdo and he sort of was but without meaning to be. just, when you grow up constantly surrounded by spirits and shit, then it’ gonna kinda shape you in a way. but he’s always been open and kind to others, and hates conflict and will do what he can to avoid it or break it up.

and he was the kind of kid that got hurt a LOT cus he had – and still has – the tendency to be rather reckless. his pain tolerance has always been crazy high. like, by the time he was 6 he had already broken an arm and a leg. he broke his leg on the playground but got back up and tried to play again as if nothing happened and his parents were like WHAT the fuck.

but anyway when he was like 9 he was walking back home from school and he found this giantass pure black owl injured in the gutter and he was like ??? because it was the middle of the city, what’s this fuckin owl doing out here, and why is it hurt? basically it’s hurt really really bad and it could very well die but he hauls this giant bleeding bird up in his arms and it doesnt even try to attack him and he carries it back home and spends hours that day taking care of it with the help of his mom and manages to keep it from dying. then the next few days he takes care of it and feeds it and after they finally released it valére swore for years it thanked him and said it would repay him some day

after that the spooky shit kinda got more intense but he never really thought much of it and just carried on and it seemed like he was the only one that could see any of it anyway. but otherwise things were relatively calm for a while

when he was 20 he was visiting some cousins out in paris. he was leaving a bar at like 3am and he was followed out by some guys. and at this point valére is already a huge dude so basically it takes 4 of these guys to properly get him down and then another slit his mouth which left him with nasty scars. there wasn’t much of a reason for it outside they were assholes and also took all of his money he had on him at the time. right after they left tho, even tho he was bleeding everywhere he got up and basically started walking toward the nearest hospital but not even halfway there someone spotted him and stopped him and called an ambulance LOL but even after that whole ordeal it really didnt put a damper on his overall positive attitude

things were quiet again for a bit but he started finding feathers around his apartment every so often and he’s like ???????

when he’s 22 things go to shit fast and he’s involved in a nasty traffic accident where a truck crashed head-on into his car, and it lands him in the hospital with gashes all over his body, spine broken in multiple places and many other broken bones, and his chance of living was very slim. if he did live, he’d be paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. turns out that owl he saved like 13 years before was this sort of like… spiritual/paranormal agent thing carrying out a mission disguised in that form and it got attacked by a malevolent being the day valére found it. and true to its word it repays him by basically saving his life by transferring its power/essence into him. and of course the doctors and his family things its a miracle etc etc ANYWAy

what mr owl failed to mention was that now that valére had these powers he’s pretty much kinda thrown into The Job as a messenger himself and basically has a duty of hunting down and killing the big scary evil monster demon stupid assholes so hes like cool i guess

he’s just all in all a pretty friendly well-meaning guy even if he looks kind of imposing with his scars and being a 6’5” brick wall of muscle (hes got some squish around his belly tho). and he says weird shit still sometimes and he laughs a lot. and it’s rare to catch him in a bad mood and he tends to avoid people if he is in one. he is very emotional tho and cries really easy. but even tho hes super friendly and welcoming he doesnt get close to people due to the danger of his job and he doesnt wanna wrap anyone else up in it, but even when hes asked why he dodges the question. but after now 17 years of doing that kinda work hes kind of really traumatized from everything hes seen (and also the accident and almost Dying in the hospital) but he hides it very well.

he’s the Dad Friend™

his abilities are: he’s capable of sprouting four black owl wings for flight, invisibility (but he can do selective invisibility, meaning he can make a certain person/people able to see him if he wants), he’s got cool swords he can summon at will that has a lot of powers of its own, and he can also do spatial/time manipulation but it takes a pretty big toll on his body so its kind of only for desperate measures. he can manipulate/control fire. also he can teleport i guess. but if he uses too much of his powers at once he can lose control and basically turn into a freaky monster (i keep imagining the glasgow smile scars tearing open and his teeth r sharp and theres like this black sludge coming out of his mouth… woo) and go on a rampage and then later will be back to normal but it has only happened once when he was still getting used to it and he swears Never Again (lol)

he likes bandannas (he has like 58967659 different ones and is always wearing one around his neck) and sweaters (like the bandanas he has like 58967659) and cream puffs (any pastry really but those r his favs) and cats and small dogs and classic literature and sappy romance movies. also hes gay and works at a flower shop during his free time

-

ONTO THE NEXT: cosette! her pinterest board is here

i don’t have a good reference pic of her yet… besides this thing i did a few weeks back

along with a big wip i’ll post eventually.

but yeah so she’s a 19 year old girl of romani descent, but she’s been kind of separated from the culture for a long time, since her parents died when she was young and she was put into foster care before finally being fully adopted by 11.

she’s got a lot of attitude and likes to cause trouble, because her adoptive parents are kind of strict and it caused her to have a very rebellious streak. at one point she uses their money to buy a motorcycle lmao so that’s her main mode of transportation and it’s sick as fuck. the helmet she wears while riding it has lil cat ears on it.

but she is well-meaning despite the rebelliousness and sharp tongue. she likes to crack jokes and tease the people she cares about, but will go to the ends of the earth for them.

she hasn’t had her powers as long as valére has, obviously. val has had his ever since she was still just a baby. she got her powers when she was 17, so she’s still getting used to them. she saved a cat from being attacked by stray dogs and surprise! the cat is just like the owl that val saved once. and one day when cosette gets hit by a car, the messenger offers her some of its life force. and now it sticks around with her as a cat and she calls her gigi even tho that’s not her real name

basically considering how gigi takes the form of a cat, some of cosette’s abilities are based off that, not unlike how since the messenger that val saved and vice versa was an owl so he has the power of flight and whatnot, she’s incredibly resilient, has heightened reflexes, can do Sick Parkour, always lands on her feet, and she has lil fangs that grow when she uses her powers and her eyes do Cat Things too. and her nails can turn into claws lmao. she also has powers similar to val’s like the invisibility, spatial/time manipulation, etc, but considering she’s still kinda new to it all she’s not As Powerful as val can be yet

but she meets val literally just bc they pass each other on the street one day, she senses val is The Same, and follows him back to his place DSBFHDBDFHFGF and decides she’s going to stay there and val is just like ???????? ok cool

she’s a huge lesbian btw

-

theodore is the next oc (pin board here) and the one whose fc is louis garrel. here:

 he’s 34. the youngest of 5 kids. his siblings were extremely mean to him throughout his childhood lmao cus they thought he was a freak. like for the first 5 years of his life he legit never spoke and was petrified by the visions of spirits and stuff he’d see. his parents didn’t know what was going on, they’d take him to a therapist and of course the therapist had no clue

so he grew up as kind of a cold and distant guy. hes very well meaning deep down but he just didnt have a happy childhood. the one relative he has a good, loving relationship with is his father. he excelled in school and was popular at first bc hes Handsome but considering his disposition it was hard to get close to him at all

and the case with him and his messenger is strange because. until he gains his powers he and the messenger had never met before whatsoever. the messenger is named vadim and takes the form of a giant black wolf. im still working out Why vadim even bothered saving him but basically, theo gets shot by his eldest brother and left to die. vadim drags theo off somewhere secluded, saves him, etc.

except vadim isn’t exactly a messenger but also isn’t a demon either. he Used to be a messenger. soemthing happened that made him Not so he kind of toes the line between them. messengers are kinda like angels in a way but on a much lower tier i guess. demons are just… demons

and this is where the symbiotic/parasitic thing comes in

bc messengers are very serious about repaying debts. it’s why val and cosette survived at all, because they had saved the lives of messengers before so said messengers saved them. and, for example, gigi pretty much lives with cosette now and cosette offers her protection and vice versa. it’s mutually beneficialmeanwhile like

if youre possessed by a demon you dont really get much out of it yourself. you’re pretty much just. a host to a parasite

and vadim is like… he isnt possessing theo but hes still feeding off of his energy despite saving him and giving him power. i havent really decided a lot on theo’s power but. he’s really strong. which is one reason vadim bothered saving him. bc he could see the fuckton of untapped potential

and a lot of it is due to his bottled up anger and hurt and whatever

also he and val kiss

-

the 4th i’m working on is named apollo and his pin board is here

he’s Sort Of an antagonist but not exactly im still working on his info but he looks like this

he’s a successful businessman but unlike the other characters he Actually Died before he was saved except. he was brought back by a demon that posed as a messenger. and basically bc it was kinda like a deal with a devil sort of thing. now he has to do whatever it wants and is lowkey possessed but also is kind of getting a kick out of bad shit but also not? he’s full of a ton of Conflict. but also the demons messenger counterpart comes into play at some point to help save apollo it’s good

the demon is a white snake and the messenger is a black one

no step on snek

[dontcrybecauseitsoverr]

i had a perfect relationship. i had liked her and thougut she was goals from the start of moving up here in august. she was funky, peppy, aesthetic, cute and just. i liked her a lot. she had a bf since 14. and everyone has a highschool sweet heart in maine it seems. but it was abusive, and not good, stealing , the most horrible treatment. like. she’s at class at a hospital and her her snap maps is glitched and shows her on a street corner. and he KNOWS she’s at work, studying to be nurse. and he’s belittling her that she’s a fucking hooker working the corner good for nothing. i didnt talk to her for months. maybe a reply on story here or there talked about snow tubing. until one day in may 19’ we started talking, hard. when she was away on a trip to florida. so easy time to talk. no boy to be there. while they on the out of the relationship. and what nice ass guy comes in to play? who’s also hot af and shit! meee. broke up bout a month later, and we started kinda stuff a month later. then made official like another month. one night in september , she wasn’t responding and she was very sick at the time, i thougut she passed out from maine, with kidney infection and i drive over to make sure she’s not dead or some shit to location at mcdonald’s. and theyre ptfo in the front seats. it was some insurance issue bc he was so dumb in life her parents provided everything. i knew no cheating bc she was in horrible pain. so i didn’t really feel that bad about it and i’ve dealt with some shit before and made it though and were all okay. she had a very sincere apology i beleive. so i thougut id be ok. and i did. also much wasn’t going for me still then so as i knew. one time i was told she was in an amottos with him holding hands. but i still don’t know about that one, as that girl was jealous and wanted to fuck. but jul also hated amottos so like i was like nah. i don’t want to know if she did or not because it doesn’t matter. time goes on we flourish, have fun, no issues at all. 0. then november she had a bad breakdown, really bad. stopped seeing me. started to get real shady. used work as excuse to not see me late, and was with him. only saw me like once a week. barely spent a night. and then went back to ex. and also rehab i believe for mental issues. we ended stuff few days after christmas. got cheated and was broken. i’d say to 0. never got closure. i saw her once at a gas station in feb. and them walking into kfc and she had my purple pants i bought her on. i never stopped thinking about her, and had all my trauma issues daily. always wanted her back. as it felt whole. the tale of juliet shaw.

3am yesteday i receive a text “you were right” from a green text, 207. i knew instantly who it was. now i don’t know anyone with androids, or someone who wouldn’t be in my contacts at 3am as well. i could have just deleted the text, and went on with life. but i sat and decided to respond. it has been so long. i assumed stuff was over. i asked her if i did anything to cause it, she said no, which i believe. i asked her why she did. and she said her brain. and lost weight really skinny now, bad brains. it’s sad, but i’m just glad she’s gone from him. ive have gone though so many different scenarios about how if i’d meet her again, or if she did do something like this. and i decided to talk..bc what else do i have to lose? my college is fine. i’ll have associates. i have 0 anyone interested in me. just two times i’ve hu this year. so what’s the worst that can happen. she’s in such a shit state too. left the relationship months ago she says, but didn’t wanna talk about it , but i assume it went really bad, and she’s broken and wants to get back with me. we’ve been apart longer than we were together. 7 months known 11 months apart now. the problem is, no one would support. my family saw me break down into my moms arms that she went back to ex. they would be pissed like they were mayson. she wouldn’t be allowed in the house most likely. but my mom cheated on dad, and theyre still together. but what do i feel to think? it’s not like she would make the mistake again, she agreed we were perfect, and i know it was. i’m the main character in my life. what am i to do? she was, still is the girl of dreams here. we did everything together. i’d rather make this work in maine than just go off to a college and fuck and stuff. and never had quarrels about our relationship. did random things. loved to drive. smoked. sex was the best ever. if i tread the water and see really what’s up, i should go. i already felt better now that i got some closure and that she just came back. it’s as if she knows what is here and good and yeah. it doesn’t sit right with me to just push away and not do anything about it. that’s really not who i was raised as. granted my mom would, but i can’t. legit have 0 ppl going for me, nothing on tinder bumble anything. clssses former. gonna be like sorry. i feel no self worth too, bad. i even rn got anxiety sending her pics right now of myself, even tho i’ve never been happier with my looks. just maybe wouldn’t be enough somehow. but look at it just from the standpoint of me. right now i got over it, mostly. and right now i can have it back? feels like the move to do. i worked so hard for it before, enough that she came back, feel like that just says something worth it. so i get over the issues, and then get to have the girl i loved forever back? sounds good to me....worth the risk bc i still can just gtfo anytime to another state. but also could be in an apt in portland. go to USM. get some lined pants, my coat. bundle up. and be with the girl of my dreams? maybe. i knew if i keep talking to her, it’ll go back to us dating. which will make me happy. and then if so prob marriage. if we end up together for a year, or more so. and i have to be like to mom and dad i’m sorry i did this though and came back. it’s been smooth and not a single issue. guess we’ll see. contact back to juls 💜 bc why not just go back in full steam. only way to go i feel. cant just be friends. she even said she wanted to keep talking so. all the time listening to Folklore falling asleep. to The One all the night. and but it woulda been fun, if you woulda been the one. o7

[irastayshome]

Ibrahim's birth

Ibrahim arrived in this world on 21st January 2017. Back then, we were lucky to afford a doula because I was hella nervous about the whole birthing process and tbh my head wasnt in the game because of all the stress at work. After the 'hard part' was over, and as I held my son, I vividly remember my doula saying that the easy part was over and the hard part of being a parent has just begun. I thought it was a joke at the time because, well, what could be harder than pushing a 3 kg baby out of your vagina? 2 yrs and 6mths on, I have mentally kicked myself in the head for taking my doula's words lightly. These days, I consider it a win when I do not raise my voice or completely lose my sh** and raise my hands at my son. I keep needing reminders of what it took to get him into this world and the many moments we failed him along the way so that I do not be complacent and mistreat him.

So I thought I might write his birth story down after all. Didn't really wanna remember all the details of something that feels rather insignificant now, but some days at home are just rough and a good reminder is useful.

*

19 January 2017. I had been on maternity leave for a week, but only just completed my case transfers from home. My mamamia had been insisting that I sleep over her place once a week for the last trimester on Hasyali's night shifts. I didnt mind at all, because my r/s with my parents have improved significantly after moving out. Distance is truly necessary sometimes.

It finally dawned upon me that I was due in a week. Being last minute as I always am, I tried to 'catch up' on the squats that my doula/birth educator had been reminding us to do at 9 pm. But really, i was just doing it for fun cause like it would make any difference at 39 weeks, esp since ive been treating my body like crap while handing over my work the last few weeks. Planned to youtube more exercises to speed up labour etc etc but fell into the rabbit hole of "natural birth positions" and "painfree birth vlogs" and before I knew it, I was hooked on the Midwives yt tv series till i fell asleep at 5 am. Damn youtube.

20th January 2017. 7 am. Felt like I ate something so bad and had to do a big one. And so I did, groggily, and went back to sleep. Feeling so smug that I could finally sleep in on a weekday. 9 am. What is going on with my bowels??? Tried to recall what I ate last night, but dont care just sleep after the business. 10.30 am. Sat up and mentally admitted that those horrid pains at the bottom of my tummy could actually be contractions! Trying to keep cool, I ate breakfast quickly, trying to mask my ronyok face each time the tightenings came by because nyayi was there and I just did not wanna tell my family. pretty sure they would have shipped me off to the hospital immediately.

Took cab back at 12.30pm and smsed hubs about the contractions, saying it could potentially be the real thing. But not sure, so I timed them in the cab. 10 mins apart. regular. oh crap its happening. Got home, discovered the bloody show. So yup i got my confirmation. Smsed hubs a photo of it but told him to just take it easy, go solat Jumaat and just slowly pack his bag aftee. He just got off his night shift so he probably hasnt slept at all. Told doula Kak Hajjar about whats going on, and was advised to just relax and walk2 until i cant talk anymore from the pain. Hubs came back, and i took off on a birth walk alone around the estate. Every few mins, I just stopped and breathed deeply, sorely regretting not pestering my hubs to come along bcoz adoi sakit and nothing to squeeze or hold on to. and in the 3 pm sun no less.

Came back, started panicking when i realised hubs belum pack!! what is it with men and last minute packing?? feeling annoyyed bcoz im about to do some serious work but he cant even get started on packing. but ok takpe, got in the shower to cool down and to relieve the pain while he packed. Contractions were now 4 mins apart, but I could still talk. NUH told me to come in now. Doula told me to wait till i cant talk. The kancong me decided to go anyway, worried about the rush hour jam on the start of a weekend.

Arrived at NUH at 6 pm, realising that id skipped lunch. I was hungry, and oh no so damn sleepy bcoz i barely slept the night before! Damn youtube. Ate mr bean pancake with hubs. Met doula who told.me i dont look like its time bcoz i could talk and joke about. I admit i secretly thought that it was because i had a high tolerance for pain hahahaha joke. Entered the delivery ward at 7 pm, was 4 cm dilated. Yay! but wait what, all that pain and only 4 cm? oh no.

So began the longest night of my life. Doulla massaged my back and did hip squeezes through contractions, and I occasionally swayed while standing with hubs. These two were just incredible birth partners. My labour pains were rough at the front, but damn the back labour pains were friggin insane! Felt like maybe I had tentacles trying to burst out of my spine and turn into Doc Ock.

At some point, i remember just saying random supplications and feeling so regretful that i had not rehearsed what selawats I wanted to read in those moments bcoz my head was really jammed up trying to manage the pain. By 3 am my body felt like it had gone through a marathon and i really did fall asleep between contractions out of sheer exhaustion. It was exhausting to just tahan the pain.

By 4 ish am (hazy on the details by now), a VE confirmed I was 9 cm dilated. At this point I was already vomitting and my head hurt so much from tahaning the pain. I remembered thinking, or maybe even saying out loud, that I wanted them to cut the baby out. Im pretty sure I was transitioning at that point but I didnt know bcoz my mind was too panicky. They told me the head was still too high to push, so they offered to burst my waterbag, but said theres no assurance it would bring the head down but wld certainly intensify the contractions. I was pretty sure I would pass out if they intensified, out of exhaustion. and never mind that I was barely able to wake up btwn contractions due to my flu and fever (yes ARGH hate flu during labour). So I refused and waited for news that im fully dilated.

6 am. Still at 9 cm. My head was thinking "how long did Kak Hajjar say transitions lasted again?? takkan lama gini??" This time, my mental strength just gave way. I screamed for an epidural. I remember feeling so terrified that my baby would be stuck while im pushing, because I had zero energy left. Fatigued from the pain and the fever, I pleaded for an epidural again n again. I rmbr my doula, my husband, the nurses all giving me such kind words of support, saying ive gone si far and am at the last lap, and encouraged me to stick to my birth plan of going without medication. But I was too defeated by exhaustion and just wanted to sleep. Hahahaha. Like i literally said "yang, i nak tido" and started to cry.

So they called in the anesthesiologist (dunno the spelling). While he prepped the long-ass needle, I felt a huge gush of warm water down there. My waters broke. At this point I could have just waited for the head to descend, but I was too tired and looking forward to a promised 2 hour rest before pushing. So I kept quiet about it. I was in tears, out of disappointment at myself for not being able to ride out the exhaustion. But my doula was so kind and reminded me that God is the best of planners, and perhaps this was the way for me to achieve a natural birth still and avoid any emergency csection if I could not push. The nurses too were angels, and kept assuring me I had tried really hard for a long time and shouldn't beat myself up. And so I slept. That was the best 2 hour sleep of my life. pretty sure I snored and drooled, in the presence of my doula. Nak kata paiseh but nah I was too tired to care, and all modesty had left the room hours ago.

8 am. Woken up by cheerful nurses who told me it was time to start pushing. I just wanted to sleep in longer, but then I remembered oh ya baby is still inside. That epidural was gooooood. So began pushing. It felt so weird pushing when I cant feel anything moving down there. They had to tell me when to push i.e. when contractions came, and kept telling me I was pushing wrong and i had to do it as how i would when pooping. I suddenly didnt know how pooping felt like anymore. Kept pushing for an hour plus, but apparently the head keeps going back in. My husb and I had affectionately named our foetus "jubjub", just to avoid calling it the baby during the pregnancy. and my doula joked that perhaps the baby keeps going back in bcoz we named him jubjub like the muppet from Hi-5 that likes to peekaboo around. haha that was a good one.

My gynae finally came in around 9.30 am ish. She told me that I had to do an episiotomy to help push the baby out. My husband stopped her and told her to let me continue trying. But eventually she kept persisting and my husband apparently could not tahan seeing me push so hard anymore (he said the veins on my face look like they were gonna burst). So he agreed. The moment she cut, I pushed and felt the head empty out of me. I thought that was weird cause I was on epidural, but apparently they reduced the dose while pushing. A few more pushes later, I heard it. Ibrahim's first cries. The nurses and my doula congratulating me. My husband telling me I did it and he was proud of me. But mainly, Ibrahim's cries. 21st January 2017, at 10.03am.

They placed him on my chest. I cried. and cried. And i thought he was the most perfect thing I could ever hold in this world.

Dearest Ibrahim, a mother can love her husband out of choice, but theres simply no choice in this love I have for you. It is so raw and intense and relentless, that Im so consumed by it from the moment I held you. There are days, now, when I feel your anger towards me because I am so hard on you, especially since im not very good at coping with the two of you. But I hope you never feel that I love you any less when I get angry. and I hope you truly forgive me when you give me a hug after I apologise each time for beating you. You deserve so much better, and i'll keep striving to be a better mother to you and adik.

Ok bye. Am gonna cry my eyes out now. Damn birth stories.

[paleconda]

blog- 9th february.

i- as an american doing pretty damn well job of pulling off as british- do not like to do american-like things. such having having wet and cringe humour, being unnecessarily loud, being blatantly ignorant on world culture/affairs (no offence), and especially opening myself up. one thing i’ve noticed is that brits always keep to themselves and rarely discuss thier deep feelings and thoughts with other people. they’re not very open to tel you their life story, and i’m the same way.not to say that i’m not down to earth, bc i very much am. i just stay quaint when it comes to public situations. that being said, my journey and story on my sexuality is very personal, deep and complicated, and unfortunately, i feel like i have to go into massive detail on what’s all happened and how it’s impacted me. it’ll make me vulnerable, but easier to understand and empathise with. this is going to be a particularly long read tho.

the date is 07/07/2010. it was the summer before the 7th grade and i had just realised my sexuality only a few months earlier. the worst night of my life. the night my parents found out about my sexuality. i was only 12. but the way the found out was rather quite stupid and embarrassing (no i wasn’t wanking and it wasn’t porn). at the time, i didn't have a phone. and my favourite show would come on at 1 am. but i didn't feel like staying up late, so what i did was borrow my grandmas phone and set an alarm. well in the alarm it had an option for a message. well my dumbass self put “get the hell up you bisexual fucker”. yeah. well, when my grandma went to puerto rico for a funeral, she left her phone bc she wouldn’t have any service over there. and i had forgotten to take off that alarm. so my mom is just going thru the phone (idk why) and she happens to come across it. she calls me downstairs and confronts me about it. after about 10 minutes what seems like an interrogation ( and me not talking, i felt as tho i had no choice but to admit it). they started crying and told me how its never okay even if the world says it is, and they brought up sodom and gomorrah and told me i needed to have a long prayer. my relationship with them hasn't never really been the same since then. so after that, i kinda ignored thinking about my sexuality. i would just go thru my day, occasionally look at gay pictures at night, then go to sleep. then, toward the end of 7th grade, i ended up taking nudes and sending them on http://showyourdick.com (terrible, i know) and they. ended. up. seeing. the. pics. it made things a shit tonne worse. i was still closeted at school, i had been accused of being gay as early as 4th grade, before i even knew i was gay (im actually bi/pan, but lets just use the word gay for now). fast foward to the beginning of 9th grade (late 2012). i had already been stanning nicki for almost a year, but i was still closeted. i also had a tumblr account(not this one). not only did i still kinda feel bad about being gay, but i was terribly insecure as well. i ended up starting to cut myself around late September. but for a while it was only on my thighs bc i didnt want anyone to see. later, in january 2013, i was feeling really depressed one night, and i kinda went on a cutting tirade. (trigger warning) i even cut my arm. i remember feeling the warm blood running down my leg and feeling dizzy, with my ears fogging up and nearly passing out in the bathroom. this next part may sound wierd. maybe its just me, maybe it was the fogging in my ears, idk. but i remember hearing nickis voice, almost aloud, and she said Stop. crazy init.  the next morning, i got really scared, bc my sleeve wouldn't completely cover up the scars. well, one of my teachers saw (i still dont know who) and reported it to the office, and one of the guidance counselors called my parents and told them. another really bad day. the next day, my guidance counselor called me down, even the principle came in the room. they told me they were sending me to a place where i would have therapy. i agreed to it, but i wasnt aware that i would be forced to spend 3 nights there. its called being Baker Acted.  the deputy at my school called my mom and told her where they were taking me but they didn't tell her i was required by law to spend 72 consecutive hours there. so when she came to pick me up that night, thats when she found out. needless to say she was crying. alot. and as if it wasn't bad enough, it just so happened to be her wedding anniversary.  i end up relapsing 2 more times after that whole ordeal. the last time was march 9th, 2013. so things temporarily improve for the summer. i ended up (finally) coming out to my closest friends. but i never made a big deal out of it. like i never made a big post on facebook or IG or anything. I kinda just let people figure it out and have their own assumptions. so september rolls around and i end up getting depressed again (september is always a bad month for me) but i promised myself i wouldnt cut myself again. so i end up overdosing. alot. 7 pills at a time. (it was just vyvanse tho, its not like it was percs or oxycodone.) so my parents went thru my texts and they found out about what i was doing and thats when the trust begins to deterioate again. they would always take away my phone at night. they said its bc of some report they saw on the news where having your phone in your room while your sleeping is unhealthy (which.. they were right. but it’s ovbious that wasn’t the real reason they took it.) it was bloody annoying. but back then, they would only take it on school nights, and sometimes i would sneak it back, and although they got mad, they wouldn't really do anything about it. also, as you could’ve probably guessed, i had downloaded a couple of gay apps because i was curious. the first time i downloaded grindr, i was in the 8th grade. and it wasn't the only app i would download. there was also hornet and jack’d. well, theres this one guy who i ended up talking to. and i end up sending nudes to him on kik. and my parents end up going through my kik. this was in december 2013. my horny self was just tryna hookup. welp. they see the messages. things go downfuckinghill fast. they barge into my room, one second they're yelling at me shoving the screen in my face and then the next thing I know my dad is shoves me down and kicks me multiple times, and my mom ends up calling the police and filing a report. to say it was traumatising is an understatement. but because it's kik, theres not much they can do. this renders me phoneless all the way until june of 2015. and at this point i wanna take a little bit of a detour. bc i almost feel as though my life as a normal teenager has been robbed.

some of you may ask why i didn’t move in with relatives or just file a report to social services.

they wouldn't let me. and bc they're broke and aren't good at finances, that's what they (we’re) doing anyway. my family is living with my grandparents for like the 4th time since i was born. so they change the password in my phone and im only allowed to use it when they say (this is february 2014, roughly) and i have to be in the same room as them. and then in march, something goes wrong with my phone and it wont read the SIM card. so now i can't even call or text.  things just didn’t get better that year. its summer 2014, and now they suddenly change the password to my laptop. (they still won't tell me the password). i started crying and begged them to change it back. so they did. but just a month later, on July 11th, they change it. and its stayed that way. so now its june of 2015. they buy me a new phone, but they said there are "rules for having the phone" and they take it away every night. well, in november, i had downloaded grindr. theres this feature on my phone where i can hide an app, but one day, back in november, i forgot to hide the app. so they saw it. and they didn't even open the app (it was password locked) and i refused to give them the password. so now im phoneless.... again. and this time they wouldn't even let me use it... at all. so i went back to having to use my grandmas phone and computer to log onto Twitter. for the longest time, i could only be on twitter from 4-8pm on weekdays bc thats whenever i had access. fast foward to april 2016 and im taking a college class across town. all of a sudden, my mom hands me my phone, and im shocked. she says im only having it on a "limited basis". so for about a month, im only allowed to use it outside the house, but they eventually let up. every once in a while, we still get into an argument about it.  may 2016: its time for me to choose what college to go to. my mom had made me apply to a christian university about 30 miles away. i didnt wanna go, but the other college i had been looking at had ran into financial trouble, the big public university in my city didn't accept me, and i didn't wanna go to a community college. plus, the christian university (southeastern University) offered me a bunch of money in scholarships. and i honestly felt forced to go. by august of 2016, things start to drastically change. most of it is in a good way, but there are still some things that are... iffy, for lack of a better term. i’m beginning to lose weight and my grades are actually good for once, but my phone is still taken way at night all the way to december, when they finally stop. then in january 2017, i am finally able to buy an iphone. at this point, everything sort of catches up to the previous post. there’s still loads for me to explain but this is enough for now.

on a side note, it’s amazing how different things are for me now after looking back at all that. i still can’t believe that we are in 2019 and that i graduated high school nearly 3 years ago. i’m gobsmacked at how much i have changed since then. it’s a lot to ponder on. and i’m glad to say that i’m currently at the happiest place i’ve been in for years. maybe ever.

end.

[ahmuteun]

Psst do them all. 😄😄😄

hello my dear beverage lolsorry anon, she beat u to it

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

yeah, i think you should be attracted to the person youre with

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

some are, some arent

3. Are you a virgin?

heh

4. Are you in a relationship?

nah

5. Are you in love?

nah

6. Are you single this year?

i have been for the majority of it

7. Can you commit to one person?

i can but i dont want to right now

8. Describe your crush

i dont have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

i dont wanna think about that

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no because im not a child

11. Do you ever want to get married?

i mean if dami and i are both single by our mid 30′s were marrying each other

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

depends

13. Do you get jealous easily?

nah, im not a jealous person

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

see 8

15. Do you have any piercings?

just one on each ear

16. Do you have any tattoos?

none yet

17. Do you like kissing in public?

i’d rather kiss in private

20. Do you shower every day?

yeah

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

i know someone does....

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i mean im holding a conversation with sam at the moment so i know sam is thinking of me at least

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

im not a cheater, so yes

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

god no

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

god no

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

when i was younger my parents and i planned on getting me the double eyelid surgery but now i dont care enough to want it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

yeah

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah i think so

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

heh

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

heh

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

all the people ive kissed are older than me 

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

i liked someone who became one of my best friends, but i dont believe ive ever liked one of my best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

no? well..... i mean they didnt hate the person, a lot of them just didnt approve 

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

kind of?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

no

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

heh

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

i dunno

43. How long was your longest relationship?

a year and five months i believe?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

one

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

zero

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

heh

47. How old are you?

20

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

well i dont like anyone soooo

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

welp

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i mean were still friends so i’d accept the apology but tell her to return the presents 

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

i mean there are people i would do anything for but no one in a romantic sense

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yes, because i couldnt do all the work and they werent going to change 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

this doesnt apply to me

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

there are many people i will never forget

55. Share a relationship story.

we broke up because she loves chemistry while i hate it and she hates math while i love it most of the time

well thats the story we should tell people at least lol

56. State 8 facts about your body

im short

i have long dark hair

i have small eyes

my eyes are light brown, for a korean at least

im very pale

i have ten fingers

i have two legs

i look like garbage

i ran out of things to say lol

57. Things you want to say to an ex

hey you dork lol

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

no

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no, no one needs that

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

well, define “partner”

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

it depends on the person, but their face i guess?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

pay for my college tuition 

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

uhhhhhh two people having genital on genital contact with the goal of climaxing? i dunno

64. What is your definition of cheating?

not being faithful to the person youre with

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

people have routines for that?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

i dont roleplay

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

where it ends with someone paying my college tuition

68. What is your sexual orientation?

bi

69. What turns you off?

being an ass, smoking, saying something extremely extremely stupid, i cant think of any others

70. What turns you on?

being a good kisser, suits ties and bowties are nice, playing piano, having a nice smile, neck kisses, things like that

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

i dont think ive had one

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

“i’ll pay your college tuition” 

wow jk that makes it sounds like prostitution, i’d still be down or it tho 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

pay for my college tuition 

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

a nice face? i dunno

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

i dunno

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

i dunno, i havent done much

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

i used to go by the high school rule but now i dont think you should date someone thats less than half your age plus seven

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

one time i didnt shower for two days 

jk nah it wouldnt be a secret if i didnt put it on the internet

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

i think it was- wow, almost two years ago yikes

it was insecurities mostly and stupid stuff i suppose

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

a few hours ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

jennie

seulgi

onew

krystal

le

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my brother i think

83. Who was your first kiss with?

s.b

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

she likes chemistry and i like math, it was always destined to fail lol

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

never again, long distance relationships arent for me

[deafeningcreationperson-blog]

Is car insurance very high in California?

"Is car insurance very high in California?

Is car insurance very high in California?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Is car insurance very high in California?

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Is car insurance very high in California?

Is car insurance very high in California?

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Is car insurance very high in California?

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How much on average does your insurance go up after a speeding fine?

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Ways to check is a business has insurance?

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Who has the cheapest car insurance?

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How do you get health insurance for under $500 a month?

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Where can I get the best Auto Insurance Quotes?

My semi-annual auto insurance renewal is coming up. I've shopped before and I think I'm already getting a damn good rate, but still I'd like to try to get an even better rate. I've tried both Geico and Progressive, and both quoted me over $200 higher per year than I already pay. Any other good suggestions? This would be for coverage in California.""

88 Toyota pickup 2wd- whats the insurance costs with just liability?

88 Toyota pickup 2wd- whats the insurance costs with just liability?

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The cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old boy?

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How much will my brothers insurance go up after his accident?

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Which is the best insurance company for motorcycle insurance?

I have honda aero motorcycle 750 cc.. may i know which is the best company to go with????? Thanks

Anyone know the cheapest car insurance around?

Anyone know the cheapest car insurance around?

What's the song from the new progressive motorcycle insurance commercial?

it's a rock song

""Getting my first car,without license or insurance?""

Hi i live in California and im getting alot of money to get my first car withing a 90 mile radius,the problem is that i have no DL or insurance.My question is what happens if i get stopped?Im only going to be driving it to my house and thats it until i get my license.Im also buy it off a person not a dealer.""

Can i insure my car in england with a insurance co in bulgaria to save money?

ive heard that people in england are using insurance companies in bulgaria to insure there cars here at home as it is supposed to be a lot,lot cheaper? and if so does anyone know of these companys?""

Father is looking for medical insurance. Any suggestions on which company?

My father is looking for medical insurance that covers stuff like x-rays, perscription, doctor visits, etc. Does anyone have a good medical inssurance company that covers that stuff ...show more""

Which would be a better place to sell auto insurance Arizona or Dallas?

Which would be a better place to sell auto insurance Arizona or Dallas?

Insurance quote on nissan navra ?

in febuary i will be 17 is there any chance i would be able to get a quote on a truck like that or am i living in a dream world

Is car insurance very high in California?

Is car insurance very high in California?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/im-trying-get-heath-care-insurance-barry-noble"

[por-siempre-aqui]

I always have to get the last word in

I dont like being wrong 

I pretty much never hide how im feeling 

If someone attacks me, I defend myself, I do not shut down and act like a coward. 

The last part is the bit I don’t absolutely hate about myself. I got all of these wonderful personality traits from my mother, though i am very sure she would prefer to not notice the resemblance. 

I do not thinking or knowing that we are basically the same person, my mom has for the most part always been someone i have feared. there were a few times growing up where she was a very nice person, and i love her because she is my mom, she gave birth to me and she loves me, but she doesn't know me. that hurts the most. I don’t recall how old i was, or even if she still has the copy of this letter. but I remember very clearly that i decided i wanted to give my mom a letter for mother;s day, i even remember me writing it out, “for this mother’s day i want to tell you how i really feel”, I told her how bad she made me feel, i basically called her a bad mother. i remember when she confronted me about it, she was in tears, I felt terrible. how could i do that to her? but how could she not acknowledge what the letter said? i never got an apology for expressing how she made me feel, she made me feel inferior, she made sure i did not have any self confidence. it has taken me so long to understand and appreciate myself. love myself, my body, my mind, my thoughts. i think about how useful it would have been to like those things about myself when i was a kid, rather than an adult.  

Our relationship has always been rocky, it has had its moments where I try to open up to her, but i know i can come off as condescending or mean, “well I got it from her” (that’s what i tell myself)

the truth is that being mean to her doesn’t make me feel better, and in turn I hope she feels or felt the same way when she was mean to me growing up. but its not something i will be able to talk to her about, sometimes I talk to my dad about it. Idk how he has dealt with it, and i wonder if he still really loves her and whether I will find myself in that same wondering position in the future with my own spouse. 

i have tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt, to say this is how she was raised and she doesn’t realize how much it has affected me and my life, I am so thankful that i am aware of it, hopefully i can break the cycle. she isn’t a monster, I do not have memories of anyone hitting me or calling me vile names. but she did make me feel like shit for not cleaning my room. it started to feel like me having a disorganized room was the absolute worst disappointment that i could have bestowed upon her. 

we have had moments where i felt she was the only one i could talk to, i went through a lot growing up, i would constantly get bullied and/or lose what i believed were close friendships, she was the one i would turn to to talk about these things. then i would tell her that i wanted to see a psychologist or a therapist and she would tell me that i didnt need that because i wasnt crazy. it made me feel so terrible to know she didnt take my suffering as seriously as i did. i would also just blatantly tell her when she would hurt my feelings, I would say; “mom when you said that, it really hurt my feelings”, she would simply tell me i didnt know what i was talking about. 

the biggest issue since all of those kid troubles, happened when i was around 20 years old. she started talking to an old boyfriend via Facebook, something I helped her set up. i never truly felt guilty about that, shes an adult and she knew what she was doing. she would constantly talk to this man, she would send him pictures and flirt with him. only i knew about it. we would go to stores for shopping sprees and she would be talking to him, i would take advantage and have her buy me stuff. it wasnt expensive stuff, but my mom would only buy me things if she felt i needed them, not just because i wanted them. things were not terrible, but then she decided to tell my dad the truth and confront him and then me, she told me he was planning on running away with this man, that she was going to live with him and make a life with him, that she didnt feel loved or welcomed at our house, that she felt she wanted more. i had never seen my dad so vulnerable, so broken, he broke down in tears, he was afraid. then he became determined, when i saw how it affected my dad i was enraged at my mother. my dad would even try to make plans for the three of is, him, my brother and me. we were going to move away and start a new life, we weren't gonna let her leaving us break us down. somewhere in there my mom decided to get some help, she started going to therapy, and she decided to stay put with us. i know my dad went with her a couple times, and so did i. i hated it at first, the therapist seemed to already have so much sympathy for my mom and none for me. then i had a single session with her and she got to know me, the sessions stopped and i guess at the time it was very useful. i went back to that therapist after a couple years when i was in an awful relationship with my ex, i didn't feel like i was benefiting from it, i ended up taking it into my own hands and i came out of that terror on my own. 

lately we have been having a lot more teeny fights and i have been struggling with my own life once again. I have been wondering if i should go back to therapy, i will have to maintain my own health insurance soon and it frightens me, because i wanna choose the right insurance that will cover my current gyno and a decent therapist. this turned into something else, but i have been so upset all morning because i let her get to me. i can only hope i dont ever let my kids feel this way, being a parent terrifies me, i dont want to be a helicopter parent.

my current partner, makes me feel like i can do anything, especially if he is by my side.