#otherwise id have to try and sell it.. like god

[wp100]

my original car I owned is officially a write-off. Thank god. Took like over a week for that to happen. But I'm relieved about this.

Sucks the accident happened in the first place, but at least I'm still here. I love my new car, but my old one had zero issues apart from a wheel cracking and some other things but she was perfect, and was quite low kms (not too much over 108,000). written-off too early :(

[captainstarburst]

hey can you tell me more about captain starburst. I think he's really cool hehehe

YES ID LOVE TO. i made a big post about him here a little bit ago, but i always love the opportunity to infodump so i will try my best to give a full summary of aaaalllll his stuff. under the cut of course. warning for some body horror? esque stuff because i talked about his weird body

SO starting off i'm actually gonna talk a bit about nix, because starburst is an AU of him. nix is a god from a place called the purpose, and his story has a few similar themes to starb's. they both have a lot of focus on guilt after hurting others. nix, as opposed to starb, is a lot more aloof and at times abrasive, while starburst is overly cutesy and joyful. nix is a god that was forced into a "hero" position (more of a villain in the broader scope of things, but told what he was doing was for the greater good) while starburst has dedicated his life to heroism. they both started in a similar place, but diverged, with nix turning towards more selfish goals and starb forcing himself to be nothing but selfless. i should probably make some kind of big summary post for nix too at some point since i feel like people know less about him even though hes like, the first one, but that's besides the point.

he comes from a universe called superverse, which is a collaborative setting between me and a bunch of friends. it's basically just Supheroes With Capitalism, most heroes are there for show and entertainment exclusively, even if that's at the detriment of those in surrounding. specifically, he was made by a company called AMOEBA, who makes furries and sells them as tools, or otherwise less than people. they grow them in tubes LOL. starburst was made to be handed off to.. i just say The Government there isnt really anything specified there because i dont know government stuff. but they wanted to use him destructively, just to do whatever for their gain. cartoonishly evil american government you know. he was their first project, and quite literally an explosive failure. when he was born he exploded the entire building he was made in. his body's kind of fucked up and so are his powers!

in terms of his biology, the most notable thing about that part of him is that.. his body's full of a SUPER strong acid, and that's used almost exclusively to? destroy his own organs. if theres too many. because his body ALSO regenerates his organs, and like, makes multiple of them. that's why he has two hearts! it doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes he just gets a new organ. and if he has too many his body gets rid of some extra ones! it doesn't hurt him, but i imagine it probably feels.... weird. but that's why he has two hearts!

all of his powers are emotion based, and EXTREMELY volatile. when he's feeling any kind of strong emotion, including positive ones, and doesn't have it in check, he's at risk of just.. generally being way too strong, leaving holes in things or breaking stuff he grabs, he generates warmth in states like that and if it comes to too much of a head he will quite literally explode. he can also create stars, big or small, think like.. the variety of sizes that plates come in. when he's in control of his emotions, the stars are round and glow a warm yellow, and when he's not, they're pointed and sharp and more of a gray/white. when he's excited he also tends to have little glowing floating stars appear around him! he also has slow falling and healing powers, both that he has to be calm and focused to use. for specifically his healing, he has to make a wish to use it (like wishing on a star).

he was on his own for a while after he came out of the tube, wandering aimlessly before eventually becoming enraptured by the idea of heroism and helping people. he didn't really understand that heroes were just for show, and that influenced how he went about his career later down the line.. but early on, any time he tried to help people, it just ended in fire or explosions or some sort of harm coming to other people. he has a lot of guilt and repressed feelings because of this, and it took him a long time to learn to control his powers.

i use him in roleplays with my friends, and i ALSO use nix in those roleplays. the reason he was able to control his powers was because of nix helping him learn, and the two getting closer and eventually dating. he has a lot of partners and a lot of his story beats around him meeting these people he ends up caring so much about and helping them, and in turn learning more about himself.

i go over this in the post i linked above so i'll try to be brief, but along with him learning to control his powers, the first big thing that skyrockets him into being a known hero is when AMOEBA comes after him. they kidnap people, get him to come back to them, he ends up stabbing the guy in charge in self defense trying to free those people, and eventually does get out with them. AMOEBA is never punished for this, but they do leave starburst alone after that.

before he was a recognized hero, though, he met another AMOEBA creation, russian roulette. they WERE successfully used as a government weapon, and mistreated greatly. they captured starburst at one point, then they both broke out, and then they got too scared of being close to someone and they ran away from him. they were recaptured and promptly punished, and with nowhere to turn their anger at the situation, they started blaming him for what happened to them. for a long while the two had a really long running thing of getting into fights or chases or whatever but russian roulette never actually having it in them to hurt him. eventually they both get trapped together and still they refuse to kill him, which leads to them eventually talking it out and both of them agreeing they don't really want things to change, but they don't want to actually fight anymore. they're also something like partners?? but not exactly. its complicated and starburst has a lot of strange relationships with people where he just doesn't mind them being weird or trying to hurt him in the past hes a weird little guy LOL

a similar thing happens to him with another hero, villian spectasy (his hero name is hocus pocus.) villian comes from wealth due to his father being semi-famous, and is a little bit.. too self centered for his own good. the two enter into a business partnership after handling a fight well together, that kind of just ends up as villian turning starburst into his sidekick.. while the two also get into a romantic relationship. eventually they get into a disagreement publicly, culminating in starb telling villian he doesn't want to be his sidekick anymore. villian's whole thing is him kind of learning to be a better person, and i didn't wanna just like.. leave him stranded after doing a bad thing, and i also like him, so he and starb don't break up. starburst really wants to see him become a better guy, and villian really wants to be better because of that. and eventually he'll learn to be better for just. the sake of it. i think it's sweet.

and FINALLY, i will talk about tesla and scelestic. both are owned by my friend @apotheoseity!! scelestic is a villain organization, one of the bosses there (TISM) turns people with powers into tools and what have you. not a good explanation ask him more about it LOL. but starb gets kidnapped by them, mostly so TISM can harvest the aforementioned acid in his body and turn it into.. weird acid grenades. that's not the important part though, while he's there he meets teslacoil! who is tism's adopted snake son. the two get REALLY gay really fast, despite.. the kidnapping? and the evil surgery, and all the villainy stuff? starb just gets googoo gaga about him. it culminates in starburst getting kicked out of being kidnapped for being too gay LMAO. but the two kept in contact and eventually got married! they're the perfect couple, despite how beautifully strange they are. starb also eventually ends up reconciling with TISM after he marries tesla, and now he's just TISM's weird son in law.

i wanted to focus on specific story beats with characters and plots, and thus the timeline for this is kind of incorrect. the actual order of events is more like this: early starburst stuff, before he meets much of anyone -> he meets russian roulette and they're together for a bit before they run off -> he gets with nix -> AMOEBA comes back for him and he solves that whole thing -> he gets kidnapped by scelestic and meets tesla -> he and tesla get married -> he and villian have their whole thing -> he and rouls reconcile

he also has some other connections i didn't touch on- his adopted son is @apotheoseity's maya, and he's also a father figure to @pbjpuppy's flicker. he's also dating his motorcycle (it's name is the star strider), a big slime guy named glumby (from another plot with villian), and @pbjpuppy's vinny!

and very important hes ME! hes a representation of a lot of stuff to me, and also just... literally a representation of me, i represent myself as him more often than not (and nix, he just tends to be the cuter of the two i guess?) he carries a lot of guilt with him, and in general pushes himself to be something that's soft and cute and nice for others, and disregards a lot of his own feelings. he does almost nothing but work, and even if his work is exclusively helping others, he still does nothing but doing things for other people and not himself. and that's really important to me. i imagine in the future he'll grow into better habits, but right now his flaws are very meaningful to me.

this is SO SO long im sorry. theres so much to this guy and theres so much to. everything i write and all my characters. but if you read it all THANK YOU!! i don't usually talk this in depth about my characters, and it can feel a little vulnerable to do so, but i want them to be enjoyed to their fullest. and thank you for asking about him it means so much to me that people wanna know more about my stuff!!!

[rottencoyote]

for like, idk maybe for like four months i’ve been pissed off at my friend, FOR GOOD REASON BRO I SWEAR! so when i was still doing uni (studying in film for whoever wanted to know, and somehow graduated idea bro that was the big man upstairs doing me a solid for once), me and my friend went on break and walked around the city doing fuck knows what, cause that’s what uni students do ig. she was bored, and i was bored, so i was like “hey! wanna go see my favourite store? sells cool shit” (by cool shit, i mean cool clothing and jewellery and other neat lil nick nacks) and she said “sure id love to!”.

now a thing about my friend is that she likes to steal. actively steal. both because she thinks it’s fun and because she can’t afford what she wants sometimes cause she spends most her money on vapes and weed and a bunch of other psychedelics. before we entered the store, i made her promise not to steal, cause i love and respect the fuck out of this store and i’ve wanted to work there since i was fifteen (and i’m now twenty). she said she promised and swore she wouldn’t take anything, and me being a fucking hopeful and trusting dumb fuck, believed her. now i saw this really sick hoodie, where it was basically a cropped hoodie (STAY WITH ME ON THIS) but it was made to look like a rib cage, so it was fucking cool. the owner sold it to me for 45 bucks, but the hoodie originally costed 55 bucks, so she took ten bucks off cause i fell in love with this hoodie, so i got real fucking hyped and thanked her profusely. now, this is a key thing to remember, cause the tags they used were airtags. the type of tags where it needed to be unlocked with a type of pin at the front desk. otherwise you can’t take that shit off, unless you got scissors (this is also important).

so my friend went into the change room with a BUNCH of clothes, and i waited near the front and had small talk with the store owner, asking if it’s been busy, slow, shit like that. i noticed that my friend is taking a long fucking time, so i go to check on her and ask if she’s good, and she said yes, paused then asked “hey coyote? do you have any scissors in your bag? i need it for my nails”

now this is where a lot of my guilt comes in, cause i genuinely didn’t realise my mistake until it was too late. i said yeah in my bag (which was in the change room with her) and she said thanks. i always carry scissors on me cause i like to scrap book, and if i see anything interesting i cut it out and sample it to put into my sketch book so i get inspired for any future projects.

after like another ten minutes she finally comes out, but i notice two things. the first was that there were significantly less clothes than when she walked into the change rooms with, and the second thing was noticing something sticking out of her pocket.

SHE CUT THE FUCKING TAGS OFF WHEN I TOLD HER NOT TO FUCKING STEAL. SHE EVEN PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES TOO!!!!

like????

now i’m freaking out, cause i don’t want to get roped into this. and she kept on trying to reassure me and said it’s fine she’s a ‘pro’ at this. bro idgaf you promised me and BROKE that promise. the lady asked where the clothes were, and my friend said in the free clothes box. so i go and check, literally emptying the box while thinking “she’s fucked, i’m fucked, we’re BOTH fucked, god PLEASE no” just planning out my fucking funeral atp, and the woman goes to the BOTH OF US “empty your bags, now.”

i watched her empty her bag, fucking cringing and mortified, just watching the store owner tear into her, saying she has to pay for all of it. i started apologising profusely, telling her i didn’t know she was going to do this, just kept on saying i’m sorry over and over again, cause i’m livid, mortified, just fucking humiliated at my friend. BRO, THE STOREOWNER DEADASS LOOKED ME IN THE EYE, AND SAYS THAT I WAS IN ON IT?? HUH??? KEEP IN MIND THERES LIKE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE IN THE STORE WATCHING THIS HAPPENING AND WERE JUST JUDGING US. (which i don’t blame them, cause it was a fucking shitshow and a half). the storeowner asked her how did she even do this, and she said “i used my nails to cut the fabric”…bro come ON LIKE-

you could tell she used scissors, CAUSE SHE DID. MY DAMN SCISSORS THAT WERE IN MY BAG. CAUSE IM A STUPID FUCKING DUMB FUCK WHO REALISED WHAT SHE WAS DOING WAY TOO FUCKING LATE.

i genuinely wanted to fucking cry AND die man, right then and there. i was so unbelievably humiliated and embarrassed cause my fucking friend couldn’t keep her damn hands to herself and couldn’t keep her promise. the storeowner said that she did the same thing at our age, and said she wouldn’t call the cops on us, i tried saying sorry again and that i never meant for my friend to do this, and pretty much got shut down again and that the storeowner didn’t want to hear my excuses. i ended up dragging my friend out from there and tearing her a new one, saying how i can never show my face there or even step foot into that store again, and she kept saying sorry, but also tried to joke about it?? which only made me more fucking angry, cause any chance i had of working there was just fucking trampled, chewed and spat onto the fucking dirt because of her.

i feel guilty cause i was unknowingly involved until it was too late, but i’m angry and hurt because she promised me that she wouldn’t steal from there, but did it anyways and didn’t give two shits, and that i got pulled into it and blamed because if she was stealing, then that meant i was stealing too. idk man, cause it’s been four months and it’s STILL bugging me, cause it was literally MY DREAM to work there. it sucks man. it really fucking sucks.

[warpweighted]

[ID: # is there a better textile to use? # trying to be more sustainable with my knitting]

@kind-words-like-honey hi! hope you dont mind the long reply ^_^

so like ultimately the amount the individual consumer can do is negligible etc etc grain of salt better is relative no perfect options several complicated and specific factors etc

HOWEVER theres three basic paths to take: Dupes, Secondhand, and Sustainably Made

Dupes: if you're just looking for bamboo without the carbon disulfide, tencel/lyocell is the viscose for you, and it's actually sold commercially! Lion Brand has some and so does Valley Yarns. Viscose is just pure cellulose so once it's been produced itll biodegrade just fine

Secondhand: Colourmart colourmart colourmart! they sell yarn mill ends that would otherwise be disposed of. tbh it's a lot of lace weight but u can get really nice yarn for a fair bit cheaper. also Swansons Fabrics, Paper City Fabrics, & Lucky Deluxe Fabrics! also anyone in your community (sca chapter, quilting guild, knitting group etc) looking to destash

Sustainably Made: really depends on what you're going for cuz like, cotton is theoretically more sustainable to produce but oh my GOD the water use and pesticides and worker exploitation. I dont know if I can make that calculation and give a definite answer. I havent really looked into the specifics of other natural fibers modern day production but I fully expect there to be Issues in all of them even if not quite to cotton's scale. Getting sustainably & ethically produced firsthand textile anything is time consuming and probably expensive, but your best bet is probably craft fair wool handspun, and similar small local endeavors. for a natural fiber rayon dupe, to me it feels kinda like cotton and drapes kinda like silk so maybe a blend?

tbh this is the path I'm shakiest on, but like... in terms of natural fibers cotton is Known to be uniquely water-heavy and it also uses a Lot of pesticides and theres a Lot of labor exploitation. The other main ones (wool, silk, linen) are smaller-scale industries that dont necessarily have as much impact as cotton. or maybe the environmental impacts havent been as thoroughly researched I'm not sure.

the most minimal-impact commonly available commercial production is, according to my brief look into things, probably linen. It's sensitive to herbicides and fertilizers so they tend not to be used as much* (no word on pesticides so idk there), and theres not the two-step plant->animal production process that comes with animal fibers** so it is, probably, on balance, with caveats, more sustainable than most other fibers

*according to the FCOC growers guide

**this input model presumes that the animals are fed on monoculture commercial feed or similar and that the feed itself is not sustainably grown, and also that the animals in question were not already being raised for meat or milk or as pets. this is of course not necessarily the case for all animal fibers! its complicated its nuanced

what grinds my gears like nothing else is textiles manufacturers greenwashing bamboo/rayon yarn or fabric as though the fact that it's derived from plant material erases the enormously toxic manufacturing process. like the first thing you think of when you think of bamboo yarn/fabric is 'oh it must be made like any other plant fiber' but no!!! that's a semisynthetic fiber that's usually made with carbon disulfide which is extremely toxic to workers and environment both!

and there ARE less destructive bamboo processing techniques you CAN make bamboo fiber the same way you do any other bast fiber theres EVEN a less common chemical process that doesnt do the same harm that viscose rayon does but NO instead we get ~natural fiber~ greenwashing that hides behind the extremely reasonable assumptions people make about plant fibers

I will never ever in my life begrudge people who buy bamboo yarn or for that matter acrylic because (a) goddamn its fucking rough out here (b) I'd be a massive hypocrite (c) the problem is the manufacturers not the individual and (d) sometimes it IS the yarn for the job but I will never stop beating my drum about this bc we! deserve! to know!

[therealslimstrider]

hey dirk, i'm trying to get my last 5mil for the golden clock- i've got truffles being made, golden eggs making mayo (item ID name glitch my beloved), i'm working on converting my island farm into a fairy rose honey farm... do you recommend anything else to make it go faster?

Before I get started on my tangent - If you're doing truffles, make sure you maximize your friendships with the pigs. Truffles are also affected by these two perks, as well as the Artisan perk.

If you've already chosen different perks, you can change them at the fatassed inflation fetish KK Slider statue in the Sewers.

The key thing to consider when playing at all is exponential growth. If I were give you 500 gold, you should be thinking about how you can turn that into 2000 gold, or more. And then you want that 2000 to make you 10k, and 10k to make 50k. You're looking for a high profit margin - meaning the gold you make is much more than the gold you spend.

This may vary depending on what you have available to you, but the tried and true method of raking in cash is as follows.

Go to the desert and spend a couple hundred thousand on Starfruit. You'll make it all back, don't even sweat it. You want enough for a couple harvests. As much as you're willing to plant.

There isn't much of a point to fertilizing since your farming is probably maxed out. Cover your farm with Starfruit. (If you're not already decked out with iridium sprinklers - Krobus sells one every Friday.)(They don't work on sand.)

Harvest it all and drop another crop. I think you have enough time in one Summer for two harvests. Sell all the Gold and Silver quality ones. Drop the others in Kegs to make wine. (I wouldn't bother with Casks. Two month payoff.) Between a Big Shed full of Starfruit Wine and Iridium Max-friendship Max-perk truffles, that should get you going.

I find it also helps to do little things around the area that help make money or even craftables along the way. I have several beehives in the Backwoods area behind the farm, because they produce honey there.

Also for my Greenhouse I have 4 iridium sprinklers. Three are watering a crop of Ancient Fruit (Toss Ancient Fruit in the seedmaker until you can fill all the plots.) and coffee. The coffee is mostly for speed boost + schmoozing villagers though. (As it's an Artisan Good, it's Universally Liked.)

If you're in Spring: replace Starfruit with Rhubarb. Fall: Cranberries. If you have the Ginger Island farm, Starfruit and Pineapples are your best friends.

There aren't a whole lot of options for exponential growth in Winter, as your pigs are just going to chew through your hay. Winter Seed crops do actually sell pretty well. Otherwise, spend every good luck day in the Skull Cavern. (Jade in a Crystalarium; take a stack of it to the Desert Trader on Sundays for staircases to save stone.) And sell your gems + iridium bars if you can spare them.

If you fish a lot, or use crab pots often, turn all the fish into Sashimi before selling. (Some exceptions apply but obviously for Normal Quality crab pot items this works wonders.)

Take the Master Slingshot and Explosive Ammo into the Skull Caverns. My god. You won't regret it.

[milimima]

That house. That house that my mom picked out was our first house house. Na I ain’t gon cap when we was in cali it was lit. But guess what my ppls got cps called on them allll the time 🤣🤣😭 why cause they was wildinn . They was. And the can’t tell you otherwise cause they know. Or maybe they don’t but let’s let’s break down. We can. Cause these are facts. Regardless I feel like I was always taken care of like God always had my back even when I ain’t believe in him. Even was claiming atheist and all dat n this and that throwing all these “facts” out there. I was really cuttin ppl ass up about it. Like nigga what🤣 believing in God was like believing in Santa clause. Cause that’s what I heard. And there was all these “facts”. So I was hard on it anddd on top of that, how can their be a God where there’s all this shit happening to me God all this pain and rage and anger at such a young age I couldn’t understand and I didn’t feel understood.

Then I remember the first time G really showed up in my life. I was trying to take my life. Cutting myself up, being quite dramatic but all this is are facts lol, I was beating myself up. Crying and screaming in the bathroom with everyone home. You’ll that silent scream 😭😭 And I just was rl remember me n da devil was talking. I was like fuck it. I felt like I was selling my souls bitch I was prolly like 14-15 but that was my experience. Ide remember what brought those feelings about, I’m pretty sure it was a bunch of things. I was just talking to him and cutting and trying to cut deeper without making to much noise and I just remember G coming to me like “So you just gon go like that” .. bruh I’m rl tearing up hold on.

Bruh and this was before I even knew God it’s so crazy I’m thinking of this rn. Cause I didn’t bruh. I didn’t know him. Even after that situation I was still going th— hold on. He was “So you just gon go like that, let them win, you not even gon see what I got for you” that’s when he told me bruh. He told me I was destined for greatness bruh. He told me I have grace and blessing over my life, a mission. And at the time I was arguing w God rl blood on the floor tears in my eyes like No. I don’t see it. How could it be. With all this going on why me . He ain’t answer me bruh. He was like “You een gotta know all dat.”

This rl how G talk to me. That’s why I can call him G. He said “You think I took you this far just to bring you this far” damn I feel dat shit in my soul I guess it applies rn. Bruh I still was denying God it almost was like he told me all dat and I didn’t really believe him, it was a lot. A lot happened. But I kindve just shook it off. At the time it was just something to keep me going. Like ok God said he got sun for me but my situation was still crazy so I brushed it off I went back to not not believing but also not really claiming he did. Like I just kindve ignored it. Him. And went back to life, Ay bro I got suspended like twice after dat day and thrown in da crazy house cause I was wildin out.

Bruh still ignoring shit. Well I wasn’t hearing. I wasn’t aware. I was just tryn get out my situation. Dammmmn. This is crazy how it’s all coming full circle. It took for me to get alone wit God. Rl. He had to bring me back to dat place. Alone. Really alone. Really isolated. Really feeling like I ain’t got shit else. So who did I turn to … well who found me. I feel like sometimes our soul will go looking for things are flesh isn’t aware we need yet. Sheeeeesh who am I. 🤣🤣🤣 naaa fr tho. Then I started to understand, I started to listen. Now just now. I’m starting to obey. Now I’m starting to search for him. Claim him. Look for him but not really cause I understand he’s everywhere. But also really talk to him. And understand if we’re apart of Gods creation why do we think we can put him in a box. Like it’s only one way to pray, one way to worship, one way just to even have a relationship with him. We’re allll different. All apart of him. He’s so beautiful and multifaceted, how can we box that up. We can’t. Anyways I had to do that to me a few times (get alone w God) but now it’s like I see. Now I hear him. 14-15 bitch that was almost ten years ago. Woooowwwwwwwwww. Life. Life is crazy. Tryn not to think so hard but woowww.

[potato-jem]

right?! honestly, i think the shop should just pay you to be on holiday permanently 😌😌 (i’m so sorry to hear that cece :( i’m on my way to italy to beat up whoever gave you shit shifts) oh that makes the matching tattoo story even better!!! i think ironically enough it adds more meaning :D

i’m so happy you had a good time on your break though, you truly deserved to relax a little and those kittens would have appreciated the pats 🥺🥺

i know!!! i literally would send you food ALL the time. (heartbreaking news: that café on my campus with the biscoff latte NO LONGER SELLS THE BISCOFF LATTE. how the fuck am i meant to function in these winter months without my biscoff latte?!) 

good food and wine my beloved. best remedy for anything ever. you and your friend sound like you have the best relationship 🥺🥺 i’m so happy you have a support system like her <3 she sounds wonderful! but i hate how your job keeps making you stressed!! make sure you keep your friend on speed dial!

when i said they announced the tour last minute, i truly mean last minute 😂😂 imagine three people texting, calling and screaming at each other about concert tickets at the same time. we are all anxious yellers and i screamed with the friend who managed to secure them before realising we had to tell our other friend not to buy the ones he got a hold of 😂

my childhood best friend had TWO shots of soju, which he drank incredibly slowly and yet he managed to get a headache and laid his head on the table like he regretted all his life choices 😂 and my other friend enjoyed it but she really did need the walk back to the hotel otherwise i don’t think she would have felt okay if we stayed any longer. don’t worry, nero’s drunk babysitting service is always on standby 😌😌😌

i was so happy, until i checked my bank account 😭😭😭 (still hasn’t fully recovered, but oh well) i will have to check what i got once i get home because i can’t think from the top of my head, but i will let you know next letter!! 

yeah, look, not my proudest moment when a majority of the store turned to see what the employees’ were looking at (my stupidly massive pile of albums plus a lightstick my friend made me get), but hey, freebies!!! as for the restricted book, it wasn’t in a restricted section as such, it was in the classics section with a huge “restricted, 18+” sticker on it and sealed in a clear wrap, so i had to pull out my id (mostly because it was required of them, but also i didn’t actually think the person serving me thought i was over 18 😭😭😭) and i got the book for american psycho because i wanted to see how my professors appreciate the writing style!

i think i blinked though 😂😂😂 qudos bank arena is quite huge!! a lot of the bigger artists play there, although harry styles and ed sheeran played in the stadium directly across from there because that one is HUGE. the energy was insane!!! it was so incredibly fun and yes, the gay panic was gay panicking. me and my manager were clutching at each other like we were about to die (because we were, i was going to have a heart attack i swear) 

yeah!! the sightseeing was actually really peaceful, although it blew our cover about not being local 😂 mochi is kinda like a sweet squishy rice gummy?? i didn’t try it either before sydney but it was really nice! highly recommend! and gelato is always good

he did 🥺🥺 we made eye contact and suddenly i felt like this connection, and i couldn’t just leave him! he is attached to my bag and i play with his ears while i walk 🥺🥺

cece i cannot begin to tell you how stressed i was this week. and all i had due this week was ONE assignment (for my worst class, but thank god it’s over now i handed it in) my professor was really bad and didn’t really explain or talk about the books we had to read or explain the assignment well? i just winged it, so hopefully i did okay. i also have to finish some skeleton structure of my short story tomorrow and i’m just so tired 😭😭😭

oh my god 😂😂 well if you’re driving her, you may as well get another one right? your tattoo artist must be rich by now 😂 (once my bank account fully recovers from sydney, you bet i’ll start getting some!!)

i’m sealing this letter off with a tight hug and the hope that this week is a lot less stressful <333333333

hello nero my beloved soulmate!! <33

i’m back and i am already suffering from severe PHD (post holiday depression, i decided it is a thing). my friend left last night and i hate this. it’s so unfair that we live in two different countries and we can’t see each other as much as we would like to. i’ll probably see her soon, i should have another week off in august and we were talking about me visiting her this time so hopefully i’ll be able to go.

anyway, on to the trip!! it was so cool!! i mean the first week we stayed in tuscany, we went around florence and a few other cities around here, and we got tattoos!!! i told you about this already but they are so cute!!! our little irish dinosaurs (they’re irish because we met in ireland <3 they’re named saoirse and niamh).

then for the second week we went to rome!! oh it was so nice!! we found the perfect weather. it was always sunny and warm enough to go around in shorts, but never too hot not to be able to explore. we went for the usual places: the colosseum, the pantheon, the squares and fountains, all that. but also we accidentally found ourselves into the roman forums and they were amazing!! i’d never been in them, only seen them from above, but they are so big, you can see a whole city. but the highlight was ostia antica. it was this archeological site near rome and it’s so quiet because not may people know it. it’s an 84 acres site where you can literally walk into houses and shops and temples and theaters from the roman period. and it’s amazing because usually rome is very protected, like there are fences and barriers everywhere, you can’t get too close to a lot of stuff, but in ostia antica we could literally touch the ruins, walk through them and find our way back in a maze of doors and corridors. it was so cool!!! also that’s where i found the cats!! they were so cute and friendly 🥺

last thing before i close this letter. the food!!! oh the food. we found this little restaurant on the very first night, which was actually so close to the trevi fountain, and it was so cheap and good (very rare combination to find in the middle of rome). they had some of the best spaghetti i’ve ever tried. also we kept going back there in the next days so they recognized us and they were so nice because they offered us appetizers and wine and they always remembered that we liked to order three plates of pasta to share between the two of us. they were so nice!!

i really needed this trip. i needed to be off work for a few weeks and just disconnect from all the drama and stress. and the good food and wine helped a lot with that lol. but seriously i’m so happy, it was an amazing trip and it was so good to see my friend again after so long <3

but enough about me now!! how are you doing nero?? what have you been doing these last two weeks??

also, about our last letter, i am very happy that you are following my orders and planning a very relaxing trip :) you deserve to not even think about uni when you’re on a trip. and it’s gonna be so fun to dance to that kind of music!! can’t wait to hear all about that one!!

and i’m very happy you’re obsessed with me getting tattoos because this is turning into a sickness. i can’t stop now :’)

but here are my other two tatts!!! the little rainbow one is very simple but very personal. i’ve been waiting forever to get it and it looks perfect 🥺 (yayyy you can start booking stuff!!! that means tattoos coming soon!!!)

i’m enclosing a hug and a really big plate of cacio e pepe (a kind of spaghetti with cheese and black pepper) just because one can never have too much pasta <3333

hi cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

i believe phd (post holiday depression) is a thing, i get it every time. it’s sad that your friend has gone home, but think about august!!! that should be so fun!!!

i’ve seen pictures of tuscany and it’s so beautiful!! and yes tattoos!! the fact that they are irish dinosaurs named saoirse and niamh because you met in ireland is the cutest story behind a matching tattoo ever 🥺🥺

oh rome!!!! that weather sounds lovely, i’m glad it was around for the entire trip!! sounds like you got up to quite a lot!! i’m literally imagining you walking around and pointing out these little tourist attractions 🥺 but ostia antica sounds so beautiful. a whole 84 acres to explore and experience the ancient roman life?? i would go crazy in there, especially with all the cats!!

oh the food sounds incredible!!! it’s so amazing you found something good and cheap!!! but those people sound so nice 🥹🥹 i’m glad they also added to such a wonderful break you had! i feel like pasta now…

you definitely needed that trip!! just a refresh is sometimes all you need, and good food and wine are recommended to help relax by doctors actually 😌😌😌 but i’m so happy you got to see your friend after so long and i’m so glad that you enjoyed yourself!!!!

i’ve been doing alright!! i had my trip to sydney and my twice concert, and it was so much more fun than i thought it would be!!! so i took my best friend and a family friend of mine, and my manager from work came too, but we all booked our concert tickets together so it was me and my friends, my manager and her brother and his partner. (don’t even ask me how stressful buying six tickets was)

the japanese place opened up again, and we were staying somewhere even closer to it. we basically walked everywhere, because the train station is in the shopping centre next to the japanese place, and that was only ten minutes away. so i took my friends to eat more ramen than we could see and we shared a bottle of soju (my friends are lightweights and it was VERY funny to watch. i had to finish the bottle off though)

and then we did lots of activities on the tuesday before the concert and we went to that album shop and book shop again and i spent way too much money, cece’s orders 😌😌 i spent so much money in the album shop they gave me a free album and preorder benefit photocards (which are really rare!!) and i had to show my id in the book store because i bought a level one restricted novel (actually banned in my state, but my professors made me too curious), which was quite funny

the twice concert was so fun, literally everyone in the audience were dancing and singing, and i was gay panicking and it was wonderful! each of the members of twice also had a solo performance and they did so well! one of them, momo, had this dance where she HAD A POLE?!?!? AND SHE HAD NEVER POLE DANCED BEFORE?? she was so good, i will save your eardrums by not sending the video i took 😌

anyways, here’s the photo they posted at the end!! we are in the centre and slightly to the right <3 (i’m sure you’ll see me 😂😂)

and then we actually got the chance to go to the harbour bridge and the opera house, which are in the same place, so we didn’t waste too much time there! and then we went to this room of claw machines near the eateries and i managed to win two things!! (one of them i spent way too much money to grab out, but he looked so lonely and i had to get my son out 😭😭) and then we had gelato mochi, which my friend found. so they get a scoop of ice cream and wrap it with mochi! we all got two, because none of us can make a decision and it really was a good end to the trip 🥺

other than that, i am running a little behind on uni, but i decided to use some of my leave and take the week off work. i’m just going to smash out the essays i have due (and overdue) and i’ll probably be able to rest better during the big exam session 😌

i’ve been looking forward to seeing these two and you didn’t disappoint! the rainbow one is adorable and the font for the script on your ribs is beautiful!!! i think i might be addicted to your tattoo addiction 😂 (yay!!! i’m so excited!!)

i really wanted this cacio e pepe, all this talking of food made me hungry! i’m squeezing you back real tight and i’m giving you a bowl of ramen <3333333

[mayraki]

“You deserve love” (9)

jj x reader

not my gif! credits to the owner.

summary: after an unexpected event on a rainy night, two friends find out they have feelings for each other.

MASTERLIST

“What?” You asked once the sentence he just said went to your mind and you processed it.

“I have this opportunity to go to the city and open a store there.” He said softly.

“But dad, we can’t..”

“I know. I wanted to talk to you about this first. But, this is huge Y/n! Can you imagine my store in the big city?” He said with a shine in his eyes and a little smile.

“That’s all you’ve ever wanted.” You said softly. Your father got up and walked over to you to give you a big hug.

“And you, you can get a proper education and then go to a good college. Have a normal life..”

You stood back and broke the hug. “I don’t want a normal life, I want to live here dad.” You felt anger and sadness growing inside of you when you finally understood what was really going to happen. “And what about the store here? You’re just going to sell it? Just like that? And, what about my friends! The Pogues! I can’t...” The image of JJ appeared in your mind and your stomach turned. “Oh my god! What about JJ? We just gave him a job and now you’re going to take it away from him? After everything his been trough! I can’t do that to him.” You shook your head.

“Sweetheart..”

“No, dad. I need... time alone.” You walked to your room and shut the door.

The words of JJ came back to your mind and your heart went to your stomach. Tears were now coming down to your cheeks and you tried to keep yourself together. But everything that you were holding started to come out and you couldn’t control it.

That night you couldn’t sleep. Your mind was filled with thoughts and it wasn’t shutting off. The moment you felt that you were falling asleep, your alarm started to sound and it was time to open the store.

~

“In the city?!” Kie asked once you told her, John B, Sarah and Pope.

You were at John B’s after a long day working. You decided to tell them what was going on before it was too late and some big decisions were made.

“You can’t leave!” Pope said sitting down next to you.

“Maybe you can stay in my house!” Kie offered “I’m sure my parents won’t mind!”

“I’d tell you to stay at my house but I don’t think that living with your ex is a good idea.” Sarah said with a little smile and you shook your head letting out a little laugh.

“Or here!” John B said “it’s not as big as Kie’s house but... well, we have beer!” John B said while trying to cheer everyone.

You let out a little smile and then shook your head. “The thing is, I can’t let my dad go. But... I can’t let you guys either.” You said and then Pope hugged you, followed by everyone else.

“Don’t leave us Y/n!” Kie said.

“Guys! Air!” You said and the hug was over.

“The real question is, have you told JJ?” Sarah asked and you shook your head.

“No, I haven’t seen him today. He didn’t have to work... and, to be honest, I’m not looking forward to telling him.”

“You have to, Y/n.” Pope said.

“Yeah, I know..”

“Well, it’s now or never. Here he comes.” John B said quickly looking through the window.

JJ walked into the house and everyone went silent. He stood there looking confused and then brushed it off. He locked eyes with you for a second and then looked down, walking to his room.

Everyone turned to you and you sighed. “I know.” You said getting up and walking towards JJ’s room. But when you were about to knock on the door, JJ came out of his room quickly and then stopped once he saw you. He gave you a little smile.

“What’s up, princess?” He asked and your stomach turned when you heard the nickname. You knew he was trying to act normal around you so the other ones wouldn’t suspect anything weird happend, like the talk you had last night.

You were about to say something but then JJ walked to the living room, and you noticed he had his boots on.

“Hey, man, can I take your boat? I have to do something.” JJ asked John B and he nodded without questioning.

Your mouth opened trying to say something once again, but JJ was fast and he was out of the house in a matter of seconds.

“What the fuck?” You said almost in a whisper and then walked out of the house. You followed JJ into the John B’s boat and you stood next to it while JJ was already inside getting ready to leave. “JJ, we need to talk.”

JJ locked eyes with you but then his eyes went down to the lighter he was holding. “Uh, about the other night... I-”

“That’s not what I want to talk. Even though we need to talk about that, there’s something you should know first.”

He lifted his eyebrow and then stood closer to you but still inside the boat. “What happend?”

Your heart started to beat faster and you couldn’t keep the eye contact with him. You thought this was going to be less difficult.

“Last night, when I went home. My dad told me something. It’s not decided yet, but I think you should know. My dad got a deal yesterday, and it’s about... opening a store in the city.” You said quickly still looking at the ground. “And he wants me to move with him.” You finished and then came up with the courage to looked up at JJ. But he wasn’t looking at you.

He had his jawline clenched and he had his eyes on the boat floor. You knew he didn’t like the news and you didn’t blamed him. You wouldn’t like it either.

“It’s fine.” He said like nothing shrugging his shoulders and then continuing getting ready to leave.

You stood there confused at his response and his sudden ‘I don’t really care’ attitude.

“It’s fine?”

He nodded “I was right.” He said and then started the boat.

“You were right?” You asked more confused. “What do you mean JJ?”

“Everyone leaves in the end.” He said without looking at you and then he was far away from you, leaving you there with a heart beating faster and tears coming down your cheeks.

~

“Did he said that?” Kie asked with surprised. You nodded and then let your head rest on Sarah’s shoulders.

“And I feel fucking terrible! I told him, I told him that I would never leave him. He’s right.” You said closing your eyes and the feeling of tears wanting to come out your eyes appeared again.

“No, he’s not right. You’re not choosing to leave. If you decided to leave, it’s because you can’t leave your father. And to be honest, it’s not your decision, it’s your father’s. He shouldn’t be mad at you.. or anyone! This things just happen!” Sarah said gently touching your hair.

“I know, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I feel like crap.” You said softly and Kie grabbed your shoulders and the pulled you up.

“C’mon! This is not the Y/n that I know! The Y/n that I know since forever would look for the best option here, look for the solution! And the most important, stand up for herself! Don’t get me wrong, I love JJ, he’s my best friend. But he can’t get mad at you for doing something for your family. I don’t want you to leave either, and I’ll miss you like crazy if you do, but it’s your fucking decision and if it makes you happy, everyone has to understand it!” She finally took a breath after getting everything out and you stood there surprised.

“She’s right, Y/n.” Sarah got up and let his arm go around your shoulders. “Id miss you like crazy too, but if you want to leave because you think it’s the right thing to do, I’ll be there for you. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Thank you guys..” you said softly and then sighed “The thing is, friends, right. But the other night.. JJ..”

“What Y/n?” Kie said impatient.

“He kind of told me he wanted to kiss me.” You said quickly and then sat down on the couch once again with your hands covering your face. “Ugh, I hate it here!”

“He said what?!” Kie and Sarah asked at the same time. They both sat down next to you.

“Yeah, he said that.” You slowly nodded.

“And what happened after that?” Sarah asked.

“Nothing, my dad wanted me to go home to tell me the news. And then, the next time I saw him and told him this. I didn’t told you guys anything about everything because-”

“Everting?” Sarah asked. “Y/n, is there something else?”

“Well, kind of.”

“Kind of?” Sarah and Kie asked at the same time.

“We almost... kissed.”

“What?!”

“I didn’t want to tell you guys because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it! And I didn’t know it was that big of a deal at the beginning! And the rule!”

“Fuck the rule!” Kie said.

“You have to talk to him about it!”

“Talk about what?”

“Your feelings!” Sarah yelled.

“My what?! I don’t know what I feel!” You got up and started walking around the room nervously.

“C’mon! You obviously like him Y/n. Don’t deny it.” Kie said following you.

“He probably hates me after I told him about the news!”

“Now it all makes sense why he’s so angry!” Sarah said. “He likes you too.”

“I don’t know! Maybe...” you shook your head slowly and then stood still with millions of thoughts going around your mind.

“You have to talk about it. Otherwise, if you leave, you’ll regret it.” Sarah said and Kie nodded.

You sighed “Alright, I’ll do it tonight. I know he’s going to be at John B’s house.”

“And I’ll take John B out of the way, don’t worry about him.” Sarah said and you slowy nodded and the thought of actually talking about your feelings with JJ made your insides go wild.

~

You felt your heart bitting faster once you entered John B’s house. You immediately noticed JJ in the kitchen looking for something on the fridge.

“Hi.” You said softly with a smile on your face. He looked up to you and then came back to what he was doing seconds after.

“Hi.” He said with a dry tone. The air was tensed and you could hear your heart in your chest.

“JJ, we need to talk.” You said getting closer to him.

“Do we?” You stopped and stood there surprised. He sounded angry and his tone hurted you.

“Yes, we do.” You said getting frustrated.

“I don’t think we do.” He said quickly and then started to walk to his room but you stopped him by getting in his way.

“What is wrong with you?” You said getting angrier.

“Nothing’s wrong with me.” He said shrugging his shoulders and the way he was brushing you off and the situation made you even more angry.

“Oh, so it’s going to be like this then? You hating me for something that I can’t control?”

“I don’t hate you, Y/n” he said clenching his jawline.

“Stop ignoring the situation! Stop treating me like trash JJ!” You felt the anger inside grow. You couldn’t stand when he was acting like this, and you’ve had enough.

“I’m not ignoring the situation! There’s nothing to talk!” He said and you noticed he was getting angrier too. “You want to leave me and have a life on the fucking city? Fine! Do it! I don’t fucking care.”

“JJ! I don’t want that I-”

“What do you want to keep talking about it? Huh? It’s not like something I say it’s going to change it. Or what your dad wants to do. You’re going to leave us like everyone does. Get a better life. Do you actually care?!”

That one hurted. The fact that JJ had the audacity to tell you than you didn’t care was something you’ve never thought he was going to say. Because he knew, you cared.

“Can’t you fucking see it JJ? Can’t you fucking understand it? JJ, I fucking care about you! Why can’t you see it?! I’ve been there for you when you couldn’t hold yourself straight! Since I found out about your father I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I found every way possible to help you out of that situation! I would fight your dad if I could! I would give you everything I have if I could! Because I fucking love you!” You let everything get out and you couldn’t control the words that were coming out of your mouth. You realized what you said but it was too late to regret it. “And I understood your feelings, I did because I know what it fucking feels like when someone leaves you! But you keep pushing me away when all I want is to be there for you! One minute you want me and then the other you don’t! Do you know how that makes me feel? Like fucking trash!... I know sometimes things don’t work out! But I keep trying and trying and trying... and all you do is push me away.” The tears were coming down your cheeks and a pain inside your chest was growing. “And the worst thing is. No matter how bad you treat me, I’ll always be there for you. Because I fucking love you and I can’t help it.”

You couldn’t be there anymore, the pain you felt was something stronger than you could hold on to. You needed to get out of there. So your turned to the door and walked out. But then JJ talked behind you.

“I love you too. Fuck! I love you too, Y/n.”

***

PART 10

tag list;

@thewackywriter @malfoysmarauders @jj-maybank-stan @flashmidnight @downbytheouterbanks @k-k0129 @anahgiedd @cilorawr @nicolettalauren @dolanfivsosxox @curlyshawnie @meganjudee @mrs-maybank @alexa-playafricabytoto @hurricane-abigail @howdyherron @im-thatannoying-girl @2410slb @sspidermanss @mourningstcrs @avashroom @sleepingalaska @queen1054 @poguesrforlife @harrysbbby @baileythepenguin @i-mmunity @timotaychalabae @daygiowvibe @outofstyles13 @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @alwaysasadaesthetic @no-good-ideas @uglygal123 @lonely-kermit @sexytholland @cece-lives-here @lovelymaybankk @annedub @my-soul-is-the-moon @fanficscuziranout @blueevelvt @awkwardnesshabitat

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Raphael and madzie!! please I will sell you my firstborn for some Raphael and madzie content. Like him babysitting and sleepovers and playing dress up and watching Disney movies together. Raphael wearing this tiara and him and madzie playing together. Baking and singing together, going on trips to the park together and Raphael just being so happy.-

-Like if you think about it they are technically cousins🤔 with the whole found family thing, Catarina and Magnus are siblings Raphael is Magnus’ son ergo madzie and Raphael are cousins but they still think of each other as siblings. Raphael is her big brother! Please🥺

ok anon i hope you know that you are literally my new favorite person in the whole wide world and this ask is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i will literally never shut the fuck up about raphael and madzie i will make this brotp a thing if it KILLS me just you watch

idk if id say they are technically cousins because i don’t know if catarina and magnus consider themselves siblings - definitely family for sure, but i get the feeling it’s more of a “generic” family feeling rather than a Specific Dynamic you know? but either way this is found family so it’s not like family tree/architecture is actually that stiff and matters that much, RAPHAEL IS MADZIE’S BIG BRO idc

and it’s literally canon that raphael is the best, most thoughtful, caring and dedicated older brother so like!!! honestly it’s what madzie deserves. she has a wonderful mom (two if you subscribe to dotarina raising madzie together <3) and underful uncles and a wonderful brother who is always on her side and would do anything for her, and that! is! fantastic! 

especially because like madzie is implied to be used to big families, since iris was going around making an army of warlocks basically lmao and like of course that was an abusive family dynamic but the point is that she was used to having siblings. but she was also implied to be the eldest and now she is the youngest! and she gets to have a nice big bro who takes care of her and plays with her and has her as a priority and i just 🥺🥺🥺

and god not to be a slut for raphael and rosa but i picture raphael just telling madzie all that he could about rosa?? you know??? he’s all like “you have an older sister too, you know? it’s a shame you never got to meet” and madzie kind of tilts her head and asks him to tell her about it. so raphael does. he sits down with her and shows her pictures of the both of them together from their childhood up until her death, and he tells her all the stories he possibly can. he says, “she would have loved you just as much as me. she always wanted to be someone’s older sister. said she wanted to take care of them like i take care of her” and madzie is all like “she sounds sweet. i wanted to know her, too” and raphael tears up slightly and he’s like “yeah. yeah. me too, cariño” and she hugs him

and like not to slut over this but i like to think that raphael teaches madzie about the monarch butterflies and día de los muertos and one day they are playing outside and a monarch lands on madzie?? and madzie calls it “rosa” and the butterfly is just flying over her head, alternating between her and raphael, for the whole afternoon? and raphael chokes up. fuck it all the legends are true, i love this alright

just like.... obviously raphael’s relationship with madzie is not some kind of substitute for his relationship with rosa, because madzie deserves better than that and no one can be rosa but rosa. raphael loves madzie for madzie, because she is sweet but fierce, extremely intelligent and with a playful/slightly mischievous (in a good way) side that is slowly blooming as time goes by and she heals from her abuse more and more. she is also good, endlessly caring, kind, compassionate, imaginative, affectionate. madzie is madzie and that’s all she needs to be. but the idea that raphael has someone to share rosa with, even if madzie obviously doesn’t feel about her the same way raphael did as they never met, but to bring her into this new family in a way... and let madzie knows that she also has another sibling looking out for her, even if from another plane... that’s nice and good food okay. and i think madzie would want to know about her, just like she tells raphael about her other siblings from when she lived with iris, even if they never got to be too close (cuz i doubt iris would risk letting them become very close and eventually realize her abuse and possibly rebel against her) 

maybe it’s madzie herself who brings it up, she asks raphael about the pictures in his home or about his “ave rosa” plaque 🥺 and he tells her about it and makes sure that she knows that he doesn’t love rosa more or less than he does madzie, just differently. they are both his little sisters no matter what

anyway! onto more rapha&madzie focused headcanons. first of all you are so correct about playing dress up and shit, raphael is a SIMP and a sucker for his lil sis so he absolutely will wear a tiara if she asks no questions asked. simon sees it one time and he doesn’t even consider making fun of him because raphael shoots him a glare that absolutely reads as “i double dare you, motherfucker”. not because uwu girly stuff just because he has this whole serious vibe and there he is with a tiara and tiny braids. we stan

also look i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, raphael absolutely learns how to handle black/kinky hair for madzie. he was used to doing rosa’s hair but that was very likely straight or just wavy hair. madzie’s hair texture is different and raphael makes it a point to learn everything he can about how to take care of it and make hairstyles that she might like and won’t hurt her, okay? and yes i know that madzie straightens her hair but i like to think that over time she stops. i kinda headcanon that one of the reasons she did it was to look closer to iris, plus just the fact that as a white abuser i doubt she exactly planted it on madzie to love her natural hair. but over time living with catarina and being closer to a mostly-poc family and seeing maia and other beautiful black women with their natural hair and/or afro hairstyles, she stops straightening it, and everyone encourages her, raphael included. he even uses that, like, “i’ve been learning how to do these hairstyles for you, you know” and he shows her some and she gets so excited about trying them and it’s great

(initially he has catarina’s supervision, because again black hair is important and even if raphael is a moc he’s still nonblack. but catarina trusts him and he’s always so careful and makes sure to always listen to what she says, asks questions and all but takes notes lmao, so it works) 

and baking!!! i mean look madzie is gonna be naturally prone to liking to bake, as a warlock and shit. and if regular kids already play with making potions, warlock kids are definitely even worse, especially because she does see catarina, dot, and magnus doing that all the time so it’s one of the things that she likes to mimick. and baking is basically potion making but edible and solid lmao. but like she loves it, mixing the batter, adding sprinkles, seeing as the textures change and the taste builds and stuff like that, you know? she’s definitely fascinated by it especially because she does it without magic and it’s just, wow, so cool to her?? and raphael as the cook that he is is more than happy to teach her, bake with her, and see her enthusiasm. raphael with oven mitts taking a batch of cookies out of the oven yall. i need a second

and like i absolutely subscribe to genius madzie because LOOK that girl is endlessly fucking smart and so intelligent especially for her age, not to mention powerful and observant and just, she’s brilliant. and with both catarina and magnus, huge nerd extraordinaires, and possibly maia because i like to pepper in the fact that maia and raphael are dating, she gets all the incentive she could possibly want to want to learn about both mundane science and magical theory

but in short like! raphael getting her those chemistry sets for kids, you know? where you have some recipes and you can mix up ingredients and they change color or otherwise change and shit? my friend had one of those when we were kids and my god i loved it so much, i was just fascinated. i think madzie definitely would love it, and raphael knows that she will, so he takes a whole day off for when he brings her this gift because he knows they will be playing all afternoon. and they do! she’s super excited about it and raphael as usual is all careful and teaching her how to do it properly without spilling and taking the measures appropriately and stuff. and it’s super sweet

initially they follow the recipes and raphael’s autistic ass is just delighted to do that, but madzie quickly starts doing some #improv, and again, because she is a genius, she quickly starts to figure out what each substance does. so she’s texting theories, trying out experimenting, seeing if she’s right, trying to asses her work? you know? basically literally a mini scientist using the scientific method and stuff and raphael is so proud of her and in awe of how smart she is and he tells her that she’s the smartest kid he’s ever met and kisses her forehead and she giggles and is just super excited?? 

also sometimes she asks raphael what he thinks and he’s just like “uhhh” because he has no idea lmao he’s just happy to see her do her thing and help her with the practical parts. and she giggles at him and she’s lowkey outraged but again, she’s just sweet and he loves her

i also 100% think it was madzie who figured out a potion to make raphael able to eat (oh look what is this fic that mentions that doing here) because FUCK mundane raphael all my homies hate mundane raphael, the heavenly fire made him a daylighter. and she could see how sad raphael was that he didn’t get to eat at all, especially because he clearly loved food and he always had this sort of longing when they were cooking together, you know? it also made her sad that he couldn’t try her cooking, and he was always telling her that to cook, you need to always taste what you’re making, and once she says “but you can’t do that” and he looked so sad she immediately felt bad about it, even if obviously it isn’t her fault

anyway my point is she knows how much this means for raphael and she wants him to be able to eat human food again, both for him and for herself. so she spends a long time studying vampire anatomy/digestive system, food properties, and magic, and she eventually figures out a potion that he can take before a meal that makes him able to eat. it goes slowly, initially he can only drink, but eventually she does figure out a way to make him eat anything and he just cries like a baby tbh. she is worried for a second but then he takes her in his arms and hugs her fiercely and peppers kisses on her face and says that this is one of the best things anyone’s ever done for him and that he’ll “forever be in her debt” or something that makes her laugh because raphael doesn’t owe her anything, he’s her brother. and he tears up all over again

of course that takes some years but they’re immortal so who cares. and catarina is SO proud of her little genius for that, too. raphael and maia include the potion as courtesy for any vampire who orders food at taki’s and share the recipe and it’s just a small revolution in the vampire world and madzie is already making history like hot damn. GENIUS MADZIE OKAY

but of course first and foremost she is a kid and deserves to be a kid, i just love her being naturally curious and interesting in researching and learning and stuff. but of course they also play a lot, and keep trying to out-cheat each other as she has magic and he has super abilities and the game becomes more seeing who can cheat the most and get away with it than anything else lol. and it’s its own brand of fun

also, raphael keeps trying to get madzie to eat healthy but the second he averts his eyes she’s like “abrakadabra this is now ice cream” and he’s SO frustrated. absolutely nothing can stop her from doing it. “if you eat these carrots i’ll buy you ice cream later”. guess what she can just turn it into ice cream now. your tactics are meaningless

also madzie playing dressing up! and she wants to be Stylish like her mom and her big bro and her uncle magnus but of course she’s a kid so her sense of style is essentially book magnus lmao but raphael 100% indulges her in all her endeavours and helps her make her outrageous outfits and shit. she likes colorful stuff as we’ve seen and he paints her nails and stuff. sometimes she makes herself mini suits mimicking or straight up matching raphael’s and raphael thinks it’s the cutest thing. especially when she like, imitates his blazer but keeps wearing a boa as well or something. aioudjsauihda i love kids and fashion can you tell

and she sometimes picks out clothes for him and guess what? raphael 100% wears them because it’s madzie and he is s o f t for her

and singing!!! and DANCING!!! there is no way raphael can’t dance no matter how hard he tries to pretend otherwise, and between him, dot, and magnus, madzie just loves to dance and becomes a great dancer in no time. raphael loves twirling her around. also him teaching her the jarabe tapatío you can’t tell me that she wouldn’t be all over that shit. the playing with the dress, the bright colors, dancing around the sombrero.... bitch she would love it. and they have so much fun doing their little improvised version of that and she claps and he has his hands behind his back and has the greatest smile on his face and she’s having so much fun

also raphael loves reading for her!!!! and eventually when they move away from reading books with pictures she starts creating her own “holograms” to illustrate the stories with magic, and raphael is so proud of her!! she’s just immensively creative and makes such beautiful illustrations for the stories and as raphael reads she changes around the setting she’s creating and it’s so fun and they both like it so much?? and she eventually falls asleep on his lap and he tucks her in and kisses her forehead and 🥺🥺

she also likes to paint and idk why but i have a feeling that raphael fucking sucks at painting, so that’s funny and he smiles and says that she has so much more talent than him... 

and every time they are together raphael has the hugest smile on, it just doesn’t leave his face for a second. especially when they are playing outside in the sun and he just so fucking happy and basking in the warmth and playing with her, you know? and as madzie grows older, talking and just chilling together as well? you know? he just loves her so much and his cheeks almost hurt by the end and just aaaaaaaaa they are the sibling dynamic we DESERVE and DEMAND 

[fanfic-corner]

Under 10,000 Words

16/12/20 - I can never figure out what my favourite length of fic is, but I think it depends on my mood. Sometimes I want a huge, 200,000 word journey, and sometimes I just want a quick drabble. Anyway, here are some fics which are all between 2,000 and 10,000 words, organised by the word count.

Sleep Deprivation by Honey_Honey on AO3. (2,313 words).

Tags: Cute, First Kiss.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: The one where killing monsters leaves Dean without a week of sleep, and Cas has to deal with the consequences.

Notes: This was so fluffy and cute and I can totally imagine Dean overthinking everything while Sam just finds the whole situation hilarious.

That One Time Sam Winchester Googled Something Weird and It Had Pretty Awesome Results by quitepossiblyjanuary on AO3. (2,587 words).

Tags: Romantic Fluff, First Kiss, Stars, Humor, Courtship, Short & Sweet.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: In which Sam Googles something and his curiosity doesn’t kill the cat. Or him. Or anyone. It’s a pretty awesome feeling.

Notes: This was so adorable! Gabe was so sweet, and his mind reading skills made me laugh.

What Can’t Be Seen by destieldrabblesdaily on AO3. (2,639 words).

Tags: Soulmate AU, author!Cas, Strangers to Lovers, First Kiss.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Written for this prompt: Soulmate AU where you first see color after eye contact: Cas is a famous best selling author and he’s promoting his book, so he’s talking to a crowd of people and suddenly his world is in color, and a lot of his fans pretend to be his soulmate. A Cinderella type situation ensues.

Notes: This was really cute and such a sweet and funny idea.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood on AO3. (3,673 words).

Tags: POV Castiel, Fluff, Sign Language, Castiel in the Bunker, Canon Compliant, Sharing Clothes, Asexual Castiel, Gentle Dean, Non-Explicit Sex, Domestic, Established Relationship.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Based on this text post from thebloggerbloggerfun: “Listen, imagine Eileen sneaking out of Sam’s room at night to go to the bathroom or something and steps out into the hallway in one of Sam’s shirts only to see Cas trying to quietly leave Dean’s room while wearing one of Dean’s shirts and they both just stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before trying to muffle quiet laughter and now they have a late night club where they talk about life and gossip about the Winchesters in sign language"And this anon I received: "what if Eileen and Cas discover there are some things Sam and Dean both do in bed because Dean jokingly gave Sam pointers when they were younger and Sam took the advice”.

Notes: This has to be one of my favourite fics of all time, even though the first time I read it I hadn’t even met Eileen yet! I’m still so pissed off that she wasn’t in the finale (unless we’re counting Blurry Wife?).

surely heaven wants for you by cenotaphy on AO3. (3,782 words). 

Tags: Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Heaven, Coda, Post-Finale, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean, Outdoor Sex.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Cas doesn't come to him. Dean can't really argue with that, given the circumstances. In all the history of balls in courts, he thinks there might never have been a ball as thoroughly in a court as this one is in his. He drives for what feels like a long time but might just be a single sunny afternoon, or maybe years (time's funny here, Bobby had said), just enjoying the music, the shifting landscape outside his window, the hum and creak of the engine. Finally the forest opens up and the road narrows down in a way that he's fairly certain wouldn't typically happen on any kind of earthly interstate, and he glides the car to a halt at the edge of a lake.

Notes: This was so beautiful and such a interesting exploration of Dean’s feelings!

a quick salt and burn by xylodemon on AO3. (4,609 words).

Tags: Episode Related, Cemeteries, Case Fic.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: "Fuck," Dean mutters, wincing as pain throbs in his shoulder and neck. After the ghost chucked him into the hedge, he hit the ground like ton of bricks and clipped an exposed tree root so old it was practically petrified. "So much for a quick salt and burn."

Notes: This is adorable and hilarious, so a double win.

Funny Bone by PallasPerilous on AO3. (4,933 words).

Tags: Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Skeletons, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Alternate Universe - No Angels, Canon Divergence, Mild Gore.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: It wasn’t even a particularly creepy skeleton; it was in kind of a “just chillin’” pose on the floor. One ankle was still locked up in a heavy iron cuff, at the end of a short chain leading back to the wall. Snoresville, as dead stuff goes; Dean’s seen worse at Disneyland. It was the skeleton’s comment about Dean’s ass that really livened things up.

Notes: This has to have been one of the funniest fics I have ever read, but oh boy did I feel bad for poor Cas.

Grace by july_19th_club on AO3. (5,164 words).

Tags: Fix-It, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Resurrection, Reciprocated Confession.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: A man dies. What happens next will shock you. [script]

Notes: This was written beautifully, and now I really want to see this filmed! So much better than the ending we got.

(un)conventional by imogenbynight on AO3. (6,100 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe, mechanic!Dean, Writer!Castiel, Conventions, Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Spec Lit Con--Speckly Con, to it’s regular attendees--is an annual weekend-long event held in Chicago, dedicated to science fiction, fantasy and otherwise speculative literature. This year Dean's favorite author, C.J. Novak, is appearing as a panelist. Naturally, he shells out the cash for an all access pass.

Notes: This was so adorable that I nearly screamed in the corridor outside my computer science lesson. Plus, the writing was absolutely gorgeous! I miss conventions :(

La Vie A Plus by K_K_TiBal on AO3. (6,260 words)

Tags: Punk Castiel, Asexual Castiel, College/Uni AU, Roommates, oh my god they were roommates, College Student Dean, College Student Castiel, Pining, First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Art Student Castiel, Love Confessions, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Tattooed Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester is hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with his best friend and roommate, Castiel. Castiel - with his blue hair, and his tattoos, and his artwork, and his perfect everything. Dean never stood a chance, really. It only sucks because, as far as Dean can tell, Castiel is definitely not interested. But love, much like art, has a way of being unpredictable. Even if you think you know where you’re going with it.

Notes: The angst is strong in this one! Again, I feel like many aces have had this conversation or that fear that people (allos, especially) may not want to be with them.

Event Horizon by Winglesss on AO3. (6,442 words).

Tags: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Dean, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Past Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Texting, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending, Veteran Dean, Doctor Dean, Writer Castiel, Strangers.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Castiel couldn't have helped his sister. That's why being offered a chance to help somebody else dealing with suicidal thoughts he took it without hesitation. When he gets the first text from someone who needs his help, nothing goes as he expected.

Notes: I don’t know if that kind of suicide prevention scheme exists, but this fic is very sweet.

I Think That’s Mine by palominopup on AO3. (6,804 words).

Tags: Fluff, AU, Reporter!Dean, Writer!Cas.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: A mix up at the Atlanta Airport places Dean Winchester's laptop in someone else's possession. A series of calls and texts bring two men together.

Notes: This was so cute, Cas was so sweet, and Dean was an icon.

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime on AO3. (7,865 words).

Tags: Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief, Explicit Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Declarations of Love, Canon Compliant, Minor Injuries.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—

“Uh. No.”

It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on. He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be.

“Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it.

Notes: What a great idea, and written so well! I always thought the show could have done so much more with djinns, but never mind.

In the House of the Rising Bun by imissmaeberry on AO3. (9,046 words).

Tags: Bakery and Coffee Shop, Baker Dean, Barista Sam, College Campus, Poet Castiel, Mutual Pining, Daddy Issues, Background Sam/Jess, Past Balthazar/Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester only has three rules concerning the cafe he and his brother Sam own, “House of the Rising Bun”.

1. Any and all opportunities to make a pun will be taken. 2. Free regular coffee with your student ID (If you want some of that fancy nonsense you gotta pay, sorry kids). 3. Anyone and everyone is always welcome.

Between Dean running the shop full-time and Sam helping out whenever he isn’t in class, there really isn’t a whole lot of time for romance for either of them. But that all changes when they gain a new regular - some writer from London - who may or may not have the bluest eyes Dean’s ever seen.

Notes: First of all, the puns were amazing and I am willing to fight people on that. Secondly, that was so sweet and funny I am afraid I might have to disappear under mysterious circumstances and open my own cafe…

I hope you enjoy these! I haven’t read any new fics for this list and even then there were way too many to put on one list, so expect a sequel at some point in the future!

[wordsafterhours]

Ticket to L.A. (3)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 

A warm, tingling sensation spread throughout Rowan as the girl, who had captured his attention so completely, rested her head against him. It was late, she was probably tired, as it was inching further into the wee early morning hours. They’d had a few drinks, talked and laughed, leaving her no time to get any of her work done. He wanted to feel bad for distracting her, but he couldn’t muster up an ounce of regret no matter how hard he tried.

Deciding to live in the moment, Rowan leaned his head against hers, reveling in the companionable silence that had settled around them. He needed time to process this entire situation anyhow. He’d never flown by the seat of his pants a day in his life, but reason had evaporated the moment he’d heard her laugh. It was almost as though he was coming home for the first time in his life.

Jesus man, you sound like a damn romance novel, Rowan internally chastised himself. Fate. Serendipity. Whatever this was with her, right now. . . these things didn’t actually happen in real life. This was just two strangers sharing a moment because they had nothing else to do, right?

“Ro?” she said quietly, almost so that he missed it amongst the raging thoughts in his head.

“Yes?” he asked in the same hushed tone.

“What’s your favorite animal?”

He tried to stifle a laugh but was unsuccessful, causing the woman to lift her blonde head from his shoulder—he promptly felt the loss of contact so acutely it was almost painful. With a shake of his head, he cleared his throat and proceeded to answer her rather random question. “A hawk.”

She smiled, quite wickedly,  and a rather mischievous glint filled her bright blue eyes. “Oh, like those birds that eat dead animals off the side of the interstate?”

“No! Those are buzzards. Hawks are majestic and powerful. Buzzards are straggly, ugly even,” indignation punctuating his words.

“Goodness, you sounded wounded, Buzzard. I was only kidding!”

“Buzzard?” She couldn’t be serious, likening him to a bird who ate dead things for a living. Disgusting.

“Yeah, that’s your nickname now, Buzzard.” She informed him, her smile growing larger by the second.  

“That’s it, I’ve found your only flaw. You’re a terrible nicknamer. If I’m a bird, I’m a hawk. I mean have you seen me? Tall, muscled, green eyes most women would kill for? Look like I could grace the cover of a men’s fashion magazine?” he rapidly fired while motioning up and down along his body.

“I don’t see it,” the stranger deadpanned with a facial expression to match.

Rowan craned his head back, trying to decipher if she was serious. Several tense seconds passed amongst them before she cracked up, nudging their shoulders together.

“I’m only kidding. You should have seen your face! Gods, you’re like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and my best friend is a male model, so I would know.” He watched suddenly as her face grew beet red for the first time all night at the realization of what she’d allowed to cross her lips.

“Oh, so the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, huh?” he mused and waggled his silver brows.

“I think I’ll just melt into the floor now,” she muttered, sliding down in her chair, a beautiful pout taking residence upon her face. The maneuver caused her white t-shirt to ride up, revealing a small silver of tanned skin. His throat grew instantly dry and subconsciously he reached out, tracing the bare skin with a calloused fingertip.

Her soft hand brushed against his, starling him. Like a child getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar, he tried to yank his hand back, all too aware of the multiple boundaries he’d carelessly violated. However, she latched her hand onto his, preventing him from severing their contact.

Pine green met turquoise and the air grew thick with unspoken feelings. Both continued to stare, bodies moving closer until lips were barely a hair’s breadth away. It would take nothing to feel her velvet, pink lips against his and Rowan wasn’t going to waste the moment. Her eyes fluttered shut, a clear invitation to kiss her, but he never got the chance as a loud voice rang out over head. Surprised by the unwelcome intrusion, they fell apart, moment ruined.  

“Flights are now starting do board. The storm has moved out of the airport’s vicinity and it is safe to resume flights. Please check the information boards to see updated flight schedules regarding arrivals and departures. Again, we apologize for the delays, thank you for your patience.”

I can’t believe I almost kissed him. I don’t even know him. Damn PA system. Aelin internally cursed while avoiding Rowan’s heated gaze. “Uh, I guess we should check out those updates,” she said lamely, gesturing towards the cluster of monitors with her thumb.

“Oh, I guess you’re right.”

He stood, offering his arm to her. She looped hers through his and both awkwardly wandered towards the screens. She eyed the small text up and down, finally noting when the flight to L.A. was boarding out of gate 22. A small glance to her right revealed a brooding Rowan.

“So, when does your flight leave?”

“Looks like I still have a while,” he replied quickly, schooling his features to replace his frown with an impartial look instead.

Aelin turned from the board and started to walk back to their seats, tossing over her shoulder, “My flight appears to be boarding next. Well, if that shit is to be believed.” Rowan’s steps faltered for just a moment, like he needed a pause to digest what she had said, before he resumed following her. Perhaps he didn’t want this night to end either but then again, she could be projecting her own feelings onto him. There was a strong chance the sentiment was not mutual. That possibility caused her heart to painfully stutter and she rubbed her chest, trying to quell the ache that was taking root.

The duo plopped into their chairs, both electing to stay silent. Finally, it was Rowan who breached the chasm that had developed, “I guess you’ll have to answer your emails and write your blog post on the plane ride. I’m afraid I’ve occupied all your free time.”

“Looks that way,” she muttered, picking up her discarded laptop from the floor and shutting it down prior to slipping into her bag. Aelin wasn’t why, but his remark had further soured her mood. She would do anything to spend another few hours with him. Sell a kidney. Send a nude photo to Arobynn Hamel, the creepy lawyer that worked for uncle. That man was always hitting on her, but she’d never felt like this before and desperation was setting in by the minute.

The part of her that was used to be disappointed and incessantly let down was reminding her of all the reasons this couldn’t or wouldn’t last. Quite honestly, she was sure the bubble the two had forged couldn’t last past tonight. She’d get on that plane and Rowan would end up being just another person, floating out of her life as quickly as he’d entered it. Things didn’t work out for her, ever. Her parents, Chaol, Sam… all of them finite examples of how life shit on her when she least expected it.

Too wrapped up in feeling sorry for herself, Aelin hadn’t noticed Rowan move closer to her, until she felt the same calloused fingertip that had branded her skin earlier, apply gentle pressure beneath her chin. Willing herself not to cry in front of a stranger, she glanced up through her lashes. He looked concerned, the tip of a question on his tongue.

He kept his finger perched beneath her chin and leaned his forehead against hers. “You never told me your name.”

She snickered. If he had been trying to distract her from herself, he’d certainly succeeded. He was right, she hadn’t told him her name for a good reason, and she wasn’t sure she’d tell him; a little mystery could be a good thing. “I know, it was intentional. You could be a serial killer after all.  You are good looking, give off a mysterious air, sought out a girl sitting alone in an airport. All these things just scream serial killer, ya know. I binge watch murder shows like the rest of the country.”

“First, you liken me to a buzzard and now I’m a serial killer?  No wonder you’re single, you can’t give a compliment or flirt to save your life,” he jested, not moving at all while he did so.

Aelin pulled back and scoffed, “I’ll have you know, I’m an excellent flirt. Shame on you for suggesting otherwise.” She paused, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear.  “Besides, you don’t know I’m single! Buzzard!”

“Well, I hope you are,” he confessed, staring intensely at her.

“I’ll get back to you. I’m pretty sure there’s this very attractive man just waiting to take me out. I mean, I am a solid 10 and swim 5 times a week. You should see me in my bikini. It’s gold—” She would have continued torturing him, but Rowan sounded like he might cough up a lung. Being the merciful woman she was, Aelin leaned over and patted his back, trying to hide a shit eating grin the entire time.

“I’m good, I’m good,” he stated, waving her off. Mmm, I bet you are.

Before the two could continue, the same monotonous voice from earlier sounded overhead yet again, “Now boarding flight 547 JFK to LAX. Please make your way to the proper gate with your tickets and ID ready. Again, flight 547 JFK to LAX now boarding.”

Aelin’s stomach dropped at the stark reminder that their time was indeed ending. Rowan’s face crumpled as he came to the same realization.

“That’s me,” she mumbled, sadly. Rowan, being a gentleman, stood and bent down to pick up Aelin’s bag from the floor. He tenderly slipped the bag onto her shoulder, making sure it was in a comfortable position. Both stared, unwilling to utter goodbye. It was in that stubborn and stifling silence that Aelin decided she would divulge her name but not in the way he probably expected.

She rifled through her bag, finding a Sharpie. “Give me your hand and close your eyes.”

Rowan did as she demanded and extended his large hand towards her expectedly for the second time tonight. She scribbled her name and number on his open palm and then pressed his fingers around it, sealing it with a featherlight kiss. “Please don’t look at it until I board the plane.”

Rowan cocked his head, finding her request peculiar, but decided to acquiesce, giving a slight nod. Aelin smiled faintly whilst placing a hand on his shoulder, rising to her tip toes, and brushing a soft kiss against his stubbled cheek. Her lips lingered for a few more seconds than necessary and before she could stop herself, she hastily turned and disappeared through gate. 22.  

Rowan watched the beautiful golden blonde woman until she disappeared from his view. He then gave himself another ten seconds before he opened his hand, revealing what she had written.

Aelin. 423-555-9048.  His face split in two. Despite no longer being in front of him, this woman was still making an impression. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. He slunk back down into the uncomfortable plastic chair that he’d occupied for the previous 8 hours and continued to stare at his hand. Time seemed to stop as he sat there, analyzing his feelings and the situation that was quite literally, at hand. With renewed purpose, he sat up straighter and pulled out his phone, googling the distance between Seattle and L.A.

One state—Oregon. 1,135 miles. 18 hours in a car. A stuffy plane ride. This was just a short list of what separated them. This woman—Aelin—could in fact be the love of his life and here he was wasting time compiling stupid lists. He should be calling her. Gods, he should have chased after her. But he’d already acted out of character when he rashly scoured the airport for the owner of such magical laughter.

Could I really do it? Could I chase after someone I’ve only known for 8 hours? He repeated this over and over to himself until he could no longer counter himself.  

Having spent so long talking to Aelin and then spending more time agonizing over what he should do, Rowan had missed his flight to Seattle by a couple of hours. But he wasn’t sorry. This day had started out in such a shit way and by the time he had gotten to the airport, Rowan was ready to curse Hellas and label it the second worst day of his life.

If you asked him now though, he’d tell you it was the day that changed his life.

Was it cosmic forces? Fate? Luck? He didn’t know but he wasn’t going to question it any further. He picked up his carry on and slung it over his back as he approached the ticket counter.

“Ah yes, I need a ticket for the next available flight to LAX.”

[sirtravisjacksonoftexas]

Was Jesus a mythical figure, based on the Egyptian god Osiris? Um, NO, and here is why:

Osiris was originally a nature god who symbolized the vegetation cycle. Later, he also became the god of the dead and resurrection, ruling the underworld. He was both the brother and husband of Isis, and the father of Horus. He was one of the most famous gods of ancient Egypt.

But was he famous enough to be the inspiration for later gods?

Jesus Mythicists argue that Jesus Christ’s story, as recounted in the Gospels, was based on pagan myth. Indeed, they argue that Jesus is a mythical figure based on several pagan gods, one of which is supposedly Osiris.

Are they right?

Was Jesus based on Osiris?

No, and looking at the supposed “similarities” between the two will show that:

1. Virgin born?

Nope, he was the son of the god Geb and the goddess Nut, who had…SEX! Repeat, SEX!

2.  A Christmas star?

No.

3. Visited by Wise Men?

No.

Jesus Mythicists will try to say that Osiris was visited by three wise men, and that these are the three stars in Orion’s Belt. These are supposed to point to the star Sirius, which is Osiris’ star.

That’s not just baloney.

That’s bad baloney.

Now Osiris was identified with the constellation Orion, according to legit (i.e. mainstream non-Jesus Mythicist) scholars…but Jesus was NOT.

And remember; the Bible doesn’t say how many wise men visited Christ; it only mentions 3 gifts (If I give you five gifts, does that mean that I have 4 clones of myself running around?).

4. Miracle worker?

So were all other gods in religions.

Big deal.

5. Performed miracles involving bread and wine?

No, Osiris taught mankind how to make bread and wine. FAR different from Jesus turning water into wine and later miraculously multiplying bread loaves (and fish) to feed a multitude.

6. Had disciples?

Not unless you count mankind as a whole, whom he taught how to make bread and wine.

7. Traveled and evangelized?

No, he traveled and spread civilization. Jesus traveled and spread…the teaching of salvation.

8. His flesh symbolically eaten in a Lord’s Supper?

Nope, pure fiction. 9. 23rd psalm copied from Egyptian texts that calls Osiris “The Good Shepherd”?

Also pure fiction.

The reason Jesus Mythicists came up with this whopper is that at times Osiris (and other gods, as well as Pharaohs) are depicted as holding a shepherd’s hook. This is called the crook (heka), and is symbolic of kingship, not of being a shepherd. Though it was probably derived from a shepherd’s staff or crosier, this is not known for certain. The god who started out this peculiar fashion sense was Andjety, a god of the ancient Egyptian town Djedu. Despite being a local god, he had a connection with the concept of kingship, and was eventually absorbed into Osiris, the two becoming one god. Thus, where Osiris got the crook. Pharaohs were at times called “Good Shepherd”,  a general term for being a good king or a good ruler. Thus, Osiris would have no doubt been considered a “good shepherd” of the dead (even though Osiris is not called as such in ancient Egyptian literature). However…David was considered a shepherd of God’s people (Psalm 78:70-71), and he was considered a good, faithful king, a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam 13:14, 22). King David wasn’t perfect, but he was nevertheless the greatest king the Old Testament Israelites ever had.

Moses and Joshua were likewise both likened to shepherds (Numbers 27:12-23), and they were likewise righteous rulers of the Israelites.

I think it’s safe to say that David, Moses and Joshua (as well as other righteous leaders of the Israelites who were “Shepherds” or leaders for their people; Samson, Gideon, Deborah, Solomon, Hezekiah, etc) would have likewise been thought of as “Good Shepherds.”

None of this means that Jesus was a mythical figure based on Old Testament heroes. However, the concept of the Good Shepherd, which Jesus used of himself (John 10:11) harkens back to the Old Testament’s usage of the term in Psalm 23, and to the concept of it in other Old Testament passages, not to Egyptian Mythology. 

See what happens when you ignore Christianity’s Jewish roots? See what happens when you ignore the historical and cultural background of the Jewish people?

So much for this comparison.

10. Lord’s prayer based on a prayer to Osiris?

Once again, pure fiction.

If Jesus Mythicists bring up the book of the dead, saying that the prayer to Osiris that was the basis for the Lord’s prayer is in it, demand from them the chapter (or Plate, as they are called in the Egyptian Book of the Dead) it is found in, and which version of the Egyptian Book of the Dead that they are talking about (No two copies are identical). They wont be able to come up with anything, or they will lie and state that its in one plate or another...only for a careful reading to show otherwise. Jesus Mythicists will say “Its in the Egyptian Book of the Dead! Look it up!” without stating where in the Egyptian Book of the Dead that this prayer is located.  Its like me saying “Vulcans are mentioned in the Bible! Look it up!”, without naming the book, chapter and verse where these supposed vulcans are mentioned.

This is the same trick that Bill Maher pulled off in “Religulous”, stating a bunch of whoppers about Horus being so similar to Jesus, and then saying all this information was found in the Egyptian Book of the Dead...without using specifics.

The intellectual equivalent of a snake oil sales pitch in action, folks.

11. Baptized? The reason why Jesus Mythicists make this claim is because…After Osiris was nailed into a coffin, they were together chucked into the Nile.

I guess I was baptized every time someone shoved me into a pool…

12.  Crucified?

Not even close.

In one account, Osiris’ brother Seth tricked him into getting inside a coffin. Seth nailed the lid down and chunked the coffin into the Nile, where Osiris died. In another version, Seth turned himself into a crocodile and killed him. In another, Seth turned into a bull and trampled Osiris.

Not one of these are bonafide crucifixions.

Jesus Mythicists may protest, saying that the first method of Osiris’ murder involved nails and wood (i.e. coffin), so that has to be a big parallel, right?

  Sell it to the Airforce, Jesus Mythicists.

Your pitiful excuse for an objection is very much overruled.

13.  Resurrected?

Osiris was resurrected…but unlike Christ, he didn’t do so with his own power.

You see, Isis resurrected him.

Repeat: Osiris, the “god of resurrection” …needed wifey to resurrect him.

This is the equivalent of Poseidon needing his wife Amphitrite to control the seas (which of course he didn’t; Poseidon in Greek Myth had total control over the sea).

Sounds…pretty humiliating, doesn’t it?

This makes Osiris’ resurrection more like those of the Biblical Lazarus (John 11:38-44) and other resurrections in the Bible (2 Kings 4:18-37, Matthew 9:18-26, 1 Thessalonians 4:16, etc) than that of Christ, who, unlike the rest, resurrected himself!

Thus, Christ’s resurrection is unique. Jesus needed no aid in resurrection; he rose from the grave using his own power.

Osiris needed help to return to the land of the living.

Jesus would have considered him a wimp.

Sources: 

“The Way to Eternity” by Fergus Fleming, Alan Lothian, and Dr. Joan Fletcher (Consultant), 24-25, 51, 55-56, 58 “The Ultimate Encyclopedia of Mythology” by Arthur Cotterell and Rachel Storm, 307

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z996Ur3foY&feature=emb_title 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZyABKBMULo&feature=emb_title 

https://www.ancient.eu/Egyptian_Book_of_the_Dead/ 

http://www.touregypt.net/featurestories/crooksandflails.htm 

“Ancient Egypt” by Philip Steele, 12  

https://books.google.com/books?id=cszxVyk6NYsC&pg=PA12&dq=Pharaoh+crook+flail&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjutaDH2YjlAhUGRKwKHek0DVAQ6AEwAXoECAMQAg#v=onepage&q=Pharaoh%20crook%20flail&f=false 

“The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus” by Gary R. Habermas and Michael R. Licona, page 91, 296 “Man, Myth Messiah” by Rice Broocks, 137-138.

[thurisazsalail]

Fuck the Natural Cures industry, they’re just as bad as the commercial cosmetic industry. Same misogyny, all of the greenwashing.

I don't know how needs to hear this, but there are no remedies for cellulite. Stop wasting your money and feeling bad about it.

See this shit? ^^ (maybe not- PHOTO ID: a very thin white woman in cartoon line drawing image next to a soft brush, with a list of directions on ‘dry brushing’ and benefits including dead skin exfoliating, lymphatic system stimulating, cellulite reducing, pores unclogging, stress relief. Good results promised in just 5 minutes a day!)  

Cellulite is a secondary sex characteristic (like pubic hair). It is seen more in some sexes than others because of factors like the shape of connective tissue (IIIII vs XXXX shaped), how much subcutaneous fat one has, genetics, and other things. I was 50lbs underweight and still had cellulite. Corpses have cellulite. You aren't shitty for not having silicone-smooth RealDoll skin. You aren't ugly or broken or a failure. What you *are* is being lied to and shamed by a fucked up culture, including major corporate beauty media AND "small biz" "healthy" "all-natural" shops about what you should look like. Cellulite isn't an indicator of health. It is an indicator of fat under the skin, the stuff that regulates your body temperature and keeps your organs safe. You know what losing too much of it does? Gives you hypothermia in 90F weather. It can cause organ damage. Because the only way to lose *most* of it (never all of it) is to starve nearly to death, muscle wastage, brain damage point, and that organ damage is permanent. And you will STILL have cellulite! BUT THURISAZ, I TRIED A CREAM AND IT MADE MY CELLULITE GO AWAY FOR HOURS!!! No, it didn’t. It likely contained caffeine, silicone, mica, and other fillers and light deflectors that sat on top of your skin. Caffeine in facial and skin products causes swelling to increase skin thickness temporarily, reducing the appearance of fine lines, dark circles under the eyes, and yes, cellulite. The rest is a smoother and a light deflector. Works in foundation, too. That’s why your HD foundations sometimes look too light in photographs, but are fine with the bare eye. Mica and silicones. Sometimes glycerin will be in there as a humectant, pulling water from the air onto your skin. The fat went nowhere. Then cream washed off, your cellulite “came back”. You paid for caffeine, silicone, and mica.   These people who sell you remedies aren't just "trying to help". There is nothing "helpful" about first creating a problem where there is none and then selling you a solution or leaving you feeling like shit. There is nothing "helpful" about parroting unscientific, unhealthy, bullshit "advice" they read from a Natural News column before making you feel like you 'need to do something' about your body to fix a problem... that again... doesn't exist. Fuck these feel-good scam industries. You get the immediate high of "I hope this helps!" followed by the letdown of "oh god the problem" (that doesn't exist remember) "is still there!" For that kind of high/low ride, just be fucking honest and do some coke. (<--- that is sarcasm and hyperbole, please do not actually do coke.)

Seriously though, don’t give predatory companies your money. You deserve better. You deserve real happiness. You love eyeshadow because the colour red is the bomb dot com and you want it all over your face? I support you. Yes the fuck I do because I have like, four different red eyeshadows. 

But if your motivation is that you feel like shit and maybe this will help make you feel beautiful, idk like, maybe buy a therapy session or go to a movie, or go out to a place you’ve been kind if idling on but never went because there’s no one to go with. You might strike up a convo with someone there and totally meet someone who also loves what you do. tbh I had a BLAST with someone who worked at a (empty at the time god I wouldn’t keep customers waiting) gift shop in a museum because THE WHOLE DADAIST MOVEMENT WTF and the Atomic craze??? what a WILD ride that must have been! You never know!

Even right now, when we’re all inside, I’ve been hitting up OKC and shit for other people who are ALSO suddenly all inside and checking their profile, and I chatted up a guy I’d otherwise never have talked to. I’d never have the courage. Ever. In person oh my god the words adn my moutha nd i cant who heyt go? But from a safe computer distance, “Duuuude I saw you like ___________ did you see ___? Because wow that last season was SO fucked. up. What else have you been up to? How’s the cat?”  You can do it. I believe in you. Reject the bullshit. Free yourself. Feel better for REAL.

[roxannepolice]

Long asks anon again, here to offer my opinion on the current wank. Rey as a character is rather blatantly breaking sw story rules and nothing is going to get SFF fans hackles up like rule breakage. This is root of both the MarySue accusations and current wank. Rey has a tragic backstory thats doubling as the only failure she can call her own. But its a) damn near entirely offscreen and b) serves as convenient justification for why shes competent at near everything that comes up.

Reys instantly good at the force because of a convenient force download that to the best of my knowledge only occured in the noncanon KOTOR II and quite frankly cant blame most of the general audience for not getting because without prior knowledge or the novelizations why would they? She has darkness in her but as so far used and touched it consequence free and its almost entirely symbolically externalized on the Kylo (and in SW symbolism is Real in a way it isnt in other narratives) Shes strong in the force because Light rises to meet Dark but to quote the current crop of movies ‘thats not how the force works) or at least thats never how it worked before. Shes the first SW protagonist to go behind enemy lines and come out with both hands in the second movie. For ppl wondering how come Luke and Ani never get labeled MarySues, this is why, they got thier asses handed to them, Rey hasnt. There /is/ something /off/ in Reys story, and ppl pick up on it. if you can make a post (w/ over 1k notes!) about how great it is that a character meant to prop up 7hrs worth of movies has little to no character development to go through, somethings off. If multiple ppl can make posts about how its neat Rey can tap into the darkside (still characterized as evil in ST) consequence free (with some quite frankly stupid justifications, 'shes disciplined’ really? jedi lacked a lot of things thats not one of them) somethings off and again, if the only failure your main heroine has is /entirely retroactive something’s off/. If the story were getting with the is the story most ppl think we are, a 'female empowerment’ (i dont feel particularly empowered by being told I have an equal chance at being a deus ex machina but ok) than well, her story is over and theres no need for IX (hell it could have been over in TFA, most ppl assumed she had accepted her place as the future jedi in that one) and no need for reylo The ST was always gonna deconstruct all that came before it purely by virtue of being a sequel. The tragedy of anakin skywalker is now a farce, the happy ot ending now a tragedy, and the mythopoetic structure shot to shit in the name of serialization and perpetual warfare. this stand true for all the sequel characters including rey and ben. the only question is are we going to get anything out of it? I compare it to home renovation. You can knock out a wall and the walls gone, but new opportunities arise. With Benlo, I’m reasonably confident that there will be at least some attempt to take advantage of the new space. With rey and the resistance kids? not so much. it just feels like they knocked down a blue wall to rebuild it as pink one and at the point it just feels like a waste of time because ive seen this before. Ive seen pure cinnamon roll desert orphan reform jedi order If this was all youre going to do that the fuck was the point? which circles around to my problem with team good guy this go around and That Scene. JJ twisted the story into a pretzel to justify the winners of the last round being the underdogs again and then rian twisted so much further the storys head may as well be up its own ass. And then at the very end he shoots it all to shit and rushes to reassure us its all gonna be okay. He removes the entire point of the underdog trope /the tension that comes from the fact that they might lose/. I mean there wasnt a whole lot of that to begin with already but really? So theres no tension that Reys gonna win so her journey feels frictionless, and theres no question where shes gonna end up so full offense why give a shit? Thats where the whole 'can rey lose a fight?’ thing comes from. Ppl want conflict in her arc to justify its existence and give us a reason why this her story to begin with. if the only character going through growth for all three movies is ben, if the only characters whos fate is up in the air is ben, and if all the tension in the reylo relationship comes from ben, then why is this /reys story/? why not just make it about the character actually driving all the drama and thus, the story?   As a final thought, im going to add that having Kylo be aware and insecure that hes never gonna be as Iconic as Vader was a great story choice, regardless of where ends up. Current Rebels, on the other hand, seems to have not gotten the memo that they are never gonna be as iconic as Original Rebels, and the story itself seems to being trying to sell them to me as being better. Rey is Luke but better, Poe/Finn are Han wo the smuggler grit, and id be lying if i said it didnt piss me off.

&

Long asks anon to kick down ur door again, AND ANOTHER THING. SW is a lotta things. Subtle aint one of them, and St hasnt changed in that regard. If you have to debate it chances are either a) ur arguing counter to the text in which case mor power to you but not really helpful for predictions or intended meaning or b) /it aint there. A bunch of ppl didnt like anidala, but nobody doubted we were supposed to think they were in love by the end of AOTC, bunch of ppl didnt like poes arc, but no one doubts he fucked up by not listening to holdo was the intended take away. Which brings to rey and flaws or lack there of. Were told rey has flaws but she has yet to suffer any real consequences from them with the exception of The Damn Parentage Wank, which again, pulls the double duty of making her hyper competent at everything. Because rey has no consequences for her flaws, from a story function pov there aren’t any. If rey did have a flaw to overcome, we would all agree what it was

Now won’t you all just look at this beautiful, spot on rant which has been lagging in my askbox since the last time Rey’s flaws or lack thereof were the discourse’s focus (November, I believe?) and suddenly became a thing again, courtesy of Tweetgate. I think you really summed up the crux of this debate wonderfully, anon.

I particularly agree with the part about Rey not getting narratively punished for whatever flaws we’d like her to have (great point about returning from behind the enemy lines with both arms still in place), when SW don’t stay away from allowing characters to get “punished” even for otherwise applaudable features - vide Padmé, whose idealism is what Palps manipulates into gaining more power (this is why Padmé will never come off as a Mary Sue or too perfect, btw). But I’ll say even more - Rey doesn’t even get called out on her flaws, except for by Ben, who’s mostly dismissed as a baddie like Palpatine saying Luke was foolish to rely on his friends. Let’s just consider one thing - both Anakin and Luke get called out on their flaws by Yoda (Anakin repeatedly and by lots of other people for that matter) whereas with Rey, the same grumpy-yet-jolly senex pops up from the afterlife to further inform us what a great jedi material she is.

TBH, I have a very cynical theory as to why Rey is being pushed as the main character while it’s difficult to deny that it’s Kylo Ben who does all the plot heavy lifting. I’m pretty sure Ben’s arc was the first one DLF thought out (and the big question is, was it the only one they thought out) and only later on decided to make Rey the main character, which also involved much less spontaneous writing. Mind you, it’s not as if benepemption didn’t have a manufactured subtaste to it, but with Rey’s heroine’s journey stiff structure occasionally substitutes any in-world explanations of her actions (this is why I have to hope renperor has some narrative purpose rather than happening because lovers need to be separated and anti-hero needs to achieve what he wanted in 2nd act). I feel as if whatever potential her character had (and hopefully still has, pending IX) got smothered by layer upon layer of making her likable by everyone, which largely relied on negative characterization: she’s not helpless, she’s not too naive, not cynical, not too emotional, not too emotionless, not morally corruptible, not anything you’ve ever complained about regarding any SW character, not falling for the bad boy, not not not - and in the end it’s kinda difficult to say what Rey is like and while the goal of making her widely likable was achieved, it also made it almost impossible to view her as loveably flawed/annoying like the classic characters. And on top of all this is the matter of making her a nobody just like you!, as DLF appears to say with uncle Sam’s gesture (which also kinda assumes the existence of a Star Wars fan as some uniform entity? because if you identify with her, good for you, I just don’t understand why the franchise assumes I’ll identify with her by the grace of being a SW fan alone), because, as you excellently put it, the message here is that everyone can be chosen by God - which again, it’s not as if the saga ever contradicted this, so why the hell make a case of it? I can’t agree that it’s made into Rey’s flaw, though, imo her low birth only serves to further frame her as an oppressed virtue. And I definitely agree regarding too much of her growth being left off-screen, or before the story ever begins. The problem here isn’t even that it is left off-screen (it’s not as if we had huge insight into any of the pt or ot characters) but rather that her characterizations is left off-screen while being depicted as at least untypical (unique to put it bluntly) for her situation (same goes for Finn). A hopeful, kind person growing up on her on her own in slavery under a nicer name is a rarity and DLF makes a case for it being a rarity - and this sparks up curiosity in her past, as if market pandering to Re/sky wasn’t enough. So from this pov her un-reveal being frustrating isn’t just a case of not wanting to love her or her self only a potentially deeper psychological question getting answered with well, light.

I should add, Ben’s arc feels like the most spontaneous one (though Finn’s may yet be a masterpiece) and he’s the one to admit his fear of not living up to Vader’s legacy, because I think he’s the character serving as the creators’ vessel, more or less like Luke was Lucas’ avatar in ot. In his fear regarding Vader’s legacy one can feel Disney’s fear due to having bought popculture’s holy grail and not being entirely sure what to do with it. On this background, Rey (a literal scavenger of OT’s pieces) and rebels 2.0 repeatedly blessed by Leia come off as what DLF would want to be. And the result is that the character which was supposed to be Vader 2.0 proves the most original and surprising one, whereas “breaths of fresh air” come off as room aromatizers with “fresh” written on them.

And as far as the plot being bended into a pretzel and then disappearing up it’s own ass, well, a part of me is still hoping that taking virtually the same villains as before is a mythological-psychoanalitical metaphor of a nigredo repeating itself until the unconscious gets accepted by the conscious…. but, tbh, as the leaks flow this hope is withering.

[ariadnelives]

Chapter 7 -- The Nightmare

[Missed earlier chapters? Go catch up here! Otherwise, welcome back! Oh, and make sure to join our discord server! Chapter can also be found @ ao3]

“I hate this lady so much,” Pilar practically snarled as she adjusted the ship's course. “Was she ever young, do you think?”

“Nah,” Ariadne said from the passenger seat, trying in vain to get a spoon to stick to her nose, “I feel like she's probably been an unpleasant old crone forever.”

“She was probably already on Calisto when they got there and they just built the bio-dome around her stupid rocking chair.”

The Jovian moon Calisto was now within visual range, and the rest of the viewport was filled with yellow and orange swirls. No matter how many operations they ran through the colonial moons, they never quite got used to the scale of a gas giant. Jupiter and Saturn took their breath away every time they looked at them. Something primal and hard-coded into their DNA told them that this was not something they were meant to see, and yet, here they were, a stone's throw from Jupiter.

The ship pulled closer to Calisto and Ariadne abandoned her spoon effort to pull out fake IDs to get into the bio-dome.

They got into the dome without incident, found a small garage to park in, and gave an almost comically large tip to the downtrodden-looking lot attendant.

La Pesadilla's high-rise apartment was at the top of a building whose elevator was constantly broken. While a woman of her means would be able to have it fixed, she liked that it was broken because it meant anyone who wanted to visit her would have to take the stairs.

Ariadne quickly repaired the electromagnets, actually making the elevator much faster than it was before it had broken, and wrote “HA” on the “Out of Order” sign. They were at her door in seconds.

La Pesadilla answered and, like Jupiter, her appearance never ceased to shock Ariadne and Pilar. At a glance, one might guess she was 90 years old. Her skin was eerily reminiscent to a well-worn catcher's mitt both in texture and coloration. Her expression was about as friendly as a large-mouth grouper, and under her tattered bathrobe was an inexplicable t-shirt depicting what appeared to be a zebra wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigar. Whether she wore pants under the bathrobe was up for speculation.

She walked with a cane, even though she did not need one, simply because she liked to jab it at people when speaking.

“You didn't fix my elevator, did you?” she more snarled than said.

“Nope,” Ariadne lied.

“Good, I like it broken,” La Pesadilla grumbled, “makes it harder for people to drop by and ask me favors.”

There was a moment of silence in the hall as Pilar and Ariadne struggled to find the words to respond to this statement.

“Well, come in if you're coming in,” she said, gesturing into the apartment with her cane, “I pay to air condition the inside of the apartment, not the hallway. Every second this door is open is a waste of my money.”

Ariadne and Spacebreather, still at a loss for response, stepped into La Pesadilla's apartment.

The place was decorated like a family-style restaurant, which is to say, the walls were covered with hundreds of curios, oddities, and other units of nonsense which begged the question, “what exactly is the difference between vintage collectibles and old garbage?”

Two other women sat on an overstuffed couch in the corner, their focus divided between small information terminals affixed to the armrests and a holographic table at the center of the room playing an old rerun of Val Deimos, P.I. at an almost obscenely loud volume.

“Balotelli's cheating on his wife again,” said the one on the left, a relaxed-looking black woman of approximately 70 with wraparound sunglasses (worn indoors for reasons that were known only to her) and a blue-and-purple sweater knitted to look like a particularly starry galaxy that Ariadne thought might be subtly swirling and twinkling. “How much do you think he'll pay us to keep it under wraps this time?”

“No dice,” replied the one on the right, a strong-jawed white woman of perhaps 65, wearing a tank top, cargo pants, and combat boots with an iron-gray buzz cut. With one hand, she rapidly tapped on her terminal. With the other, she repeatedly lifted a rather heavy hand weight. She did not seem to break eye contact at any point with the flickering rerun streaming on the surface of the coffee table. “His wife knows. Hired a private dick to tail them last week. Tried to have 'em whacked but lost her nerve at the last second.”

“Do we have the records?” Galaxy-sweater asked.

“I have the contract here,” Tank-top replied.

“We double down. He's up for reelection in May, and I'm sure neither of them wants the scandal breaking in April. Probably pay a pretty penny to keep it under wraps.”

“Sex, betrayal, and intrigue?” Tank-top asked. “This sounds like a pretty valuable story. It'd be a shame if some reporter outbid them for it.”

“Oh my god,” Ariadne cut in, “do you always talk in clichéd banter or is this for our benefit?”

Tank-top stopped her arm curls for half a second and then continued. Galaxy-sweater raised an eyebrow at her.

“Who's this lunchbox?” Galaxy-sweater asked in a derisive way that seemed to be second nature to mean old ladies and made even the most baffling of insults seem to make sense.

“This is that brat I was telling you about,” La Pesadilla growled.

Tank-top did not look away from her television program. “The one who always fixes the elevator?”

“I think so,” La Pesadilla grumbled. She wandered into the kitchen but continued speaking, incrementally increasing the volume of her voice so she could still be heard. “Her name starts with an A, and her wife here is named after … I don't know, some kind of rice dish.”

Pilar pondered this for a moment and resolved to ask Cookie about it later on.

“Shoot, hope that elevator is fixed.” Galaxy-sweater smiled, “I got bad knees and shit to do.”

La Pesadilla returned with two brightly colored plastic cups, filled with a cloudy yellow substance. She practically shoved these into the hands of her guests with a grunt.

“What do… what is…” Ariadne was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. She was barely reaching adulthood herself and she still had very little experience in the department of respecting her elders. She suspected that perhaps sixty percent of the people in the room were not acting as they should, but she was unsure of where she fell in that ratio.

“It's lemonade.” La Pesadilla removed a smallish disc-shaped tin from her bathrobe pocket, pulled out a handful of leaves, jammed them into her cheek, and began chewing them. “You're kids, you drink lemonade. You're in my house, I offer you a drink. The elevator's out of order, you take the fucking stairs instead of trying to fix it. There's rules to this sort of thing.”

“I said I didn't fix your elevator,” Ariadne stammered.

“You always say that.” La Pesadilla rolled her eyes. “What do you want? You're talking through our program.” She gestured at the hologram. The show was popular enough that Pilar had seen this particular episode several times with her parents, and since she had not had parents in approximately a decade, it was a safe bet it was not their first viewing.

“You could always pause it while we conduct our business,” Pilar offered in a tone she hoped would come across as helpful. She took a polite sip of her lemonade, which had no ice and seemed to be little more than powdered mix stirred into room-temperature tap water.

“You could've shown up on the hour, like a normal person, so you don't interrupt the last five minutes of my show.” La Pesadilla slumped into an old, heavily-patched recliner, searched for a small metal jar, and spat the leaves out into it. “So, spit it out.”

Galaxy-sweater let out a small “heh” at her phrasing.

“Why do you come here and bother me again?”

Ariadne finally seemed to find her voice. “We're looking for information.”

“Well, you've come to the right place,” Tank-top grunted, somehow still lifting her weight, “we've got all of it.”

“The Red God cult that's formed on Mars in the last year or so. We need to know everything we can about them.”

“What do we get?” La Pesadilla asked. “I mean, you're asking me to do the opposite of my job here. People pay me to keep their secrets. If I tell you about these guys, I ain't got no leverage on 'em, can't charge 'em for my services, feel? If I'm gonna spill the beans, I gotta know it's worth more than keeping my mouth shut.”

“Cut the crap,” Pilar said simply, “money is no object to us, and I think you'll be pleased with the amount we've deposited in your account as an act of good faith.”

La Pesadilla tapped at her display and raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Well, I'll be damned.”

“You'll get the other half when we have our information,” Pilar said.

La Pesadilla looked at Galaxy-sweater and nodded.

“Think we got something on them.” Galaxy-sweater said, tapping away on her own display. “Yeah, their leader's this fancy scientist turned whacked-out bible nut, calls himself the Zealot.”

“Real original nickname,” Tank-top added.

“Got into some real shady shit.” Galaxy-sweater furrowed her brow at the display. “We got our hands on a few black market ledgers about 20 years back, and the shit he was buying? Banned on just about every rock in the system.”

“Why would someone selling illegal goods on the black market keep a ledger of their customers?” Ariadne wondered out loud. Galaxy-sweater looked at her flatly and gestured vaguely at the blackmail operation they were currently sitting in the middle of. Ariadne took a sip of her lemonade. “I see.”

“You said 20 years ago?” Pilar looked confused. “These guys have only been operating for the past year, year and a half.”

“Nah,” La Pesadilla grunted, “they been around longer'n you kids have been alive. The Red God stuff is new. They used to walk around the moons, door to door, saying that the Earth was a New Sodom that was to be destroyed due to its sin and heresy and that the only way to be sure Jesus would spare the rest of the system was to join their church.”

“Or make a donation,” Tank-top said.

“Course, the day they predicted came and went.” Galaxy-sweater chuckled. “The Earth was still there. Then that happened, oh, five or six more times before everyone stopped giving them the time of day.”

“Buncha idjits,” La Pesadilla mumbled, “Jesus don't need our money, and he's got a whole universe to run. He doesn't go around blowing up planets because some people didn't pray right. All he cares about is if you're a good person. He don't even care if you believe in him if you ask me, just live your life best you can and he won't bother you.”

“Like bees?” Galaxy-sweater asked, smirking.

“Exactly, like bees. You don't bother him, he don't bother you.”

Ariadne thought this moralizing was rich coming from a professional blackmailer, and she couldn't help but think she'd been given the same advice about what to do when you encounter a swarm of bees, but she bit her tongue to avoid starting another tangent.

La Pesadilla took a sip from a nearby mug that seemed to be full of red wine. “Anyway, nobody bought his end-is-nigh crock and, last I heard, he was a pretty sick fucker. He bought a bunch of illegal shit and went underground. Nobody heard from them for a while, and they came back with a new god and a shiny new preacher. Little white girl, 'bout your age.”

Ariadne scowled. “Not even close.”

La Pesadilla matched her scowl. “Kid, if we're talking years, I'm easily five of you. You both got all your original teeth? You're the same age, far as I'm concerned.”

“What exactly did he buy?” Pilar attempted to break the tension. She, at times, was confused by Ariadne's talent for locking horns with grumpy older women, but suspected this was a deeper issue than they had time to unpack at the moment.

Galaxy-sweater looked at her screen. “We got three Cortex brand neural implants. Those things were all the rage back in the 90s, companies used to get them for all the employees so memos would go right to their brain.”

Tank-top laughed slightly. “Yeah, but they got banned pretty quick.”

La Pesadilla took another sip of mug-wine. “Security risk… a lot of bosses got caught snooping in their employee's thoughts. There was one big scandal where a manager tried to increase productivity by planting thoughts in his employees heads while they slept. An entire office working 16-hour shifts and sleeping at their desks because their brain was telling them 'if I stop working I'll die, if I ask for overtime I'll die, if I make a mistake I'll die.'”

“Yikes,” Ariadne concluded. “Go on, what else?”

“Blueprints for immersion pod,” Galaxy-sweater  explained, “That's a VR capsule that uses the brain's visualization center as a processor to create realistic simulations of pre-programmed scenarios. Originally designed for video gaming, scrapped because every focus tester who attempted to play a children's shoot-em-up game had to be treated for very real PTSD, and made illegal after the prototypes were found being used as training simulators for a radical Earth-based supremacist paramilitary corps.”

“I'm sensing a theme here,” Pilar chimed in.

“Here's where it gets really interesting,” Galaxy-sweater said, pointing at the screen, “he bought up a bunch of medical equipment. Machines for growing and implanting new organs.”

“Shouldn't need that,” Tank-top piped up, still watching her show but seeming to slow down on the weights. “I know he was sick, but if he needed a transplant he could get one at any hospital and be home for supper.”

“Could've been for implanting the Cortex device,” Ariadne suggested.

“Could be,” La Pesadilla said. “We ain't here to speculate, we just give you the information.”

“Aaaaand,” Galaxy-sweater reached the end of her list, “one Quantum Shift Generator. Weird little devices, designed for the Shop-n-Go corporation. They had this idea for expanding to the colonial moons that they could just build a single store interior which all of their storefronts would lead into, that way they could have a dozen stores in a bio-dome but only pay one set of overworked employees.”

“Wonder why that got banned.” Ariadne smirked.

“If you're thinkin' it's some worker's rights whatever, you're wrong,” La Pesadilla grumbled, pouring herself another mug of wine from a bottle that had been conveniently located next to the mug on the table. “It's because all the exterior doors led to the same interior, but they ain't give you the same courtesy on the way out.”

“What she's trying to say,” Tank-top said, placing her weight on the ground and reaching for a nearby bottle of water, “is that people would attempt to leave the store only to find themselves coming out of the wrong one. You could end up 15 miles across town in the 40 seconds it took you to buy an iced tea and a candy bar.”

“Would've made a great public transit system if there was some way to predict which storefront you'd come out of,” Galaxy-sweater offered.

“That's all we've got,” La Pesadilla said. “Where's the rest of my money?”

“Now, hang on,” Galaxy-sweater said, easing herself off the couch, “these girls paid good money and we have got one more thing. Been meaning to get rid of it anyway.”

She ambled over to a bookshelf, grabbed a small, shabby-looking paperback, ripped the back cover clean off, and handed it to Ariadne. “They dropped this in our mailslot back when they were still pretending to be Christian. Got a picture of the Zealot on the back. Might help.”

La Pesadilla jabbed her cane towards the closed door. “Now, get out of my house and put that money in my account.”

Ariadne and Pilar put down their half-finished lemonades, more than glad to not have to finish drinking them, and walked towards the door. As they exited, they heard La Pesadilla mumble, “and so help me if that elevator is working.” The door closed behind them and they immediately heard it lock.

In the elevator ride down to the first floor, Ariadne looked at the laminated cover she'd been handed. The photograph was of a white man, perhaps in his 40s, with squinting, intense eyes, a full but neatly trimmed gray beard, a straight, pointed nose, and a wide-brimmed black hat.

She felt uneasy and turned the book over. Something about him, something she couldn't quite place but knew very few others would see, hit upsettingly close to home. She didn't look at it again for the rest of the trip back.