#didnt i make a post once about how i start posting on tumblr once i get winedrunk lol
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hecksupremechips Ā· 9 months ago
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me šŸ¤Ø
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ā€˜minor traumaā€™#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am šŸ˜Ÿ#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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lilamala Ā· 1 year ago
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i love being winedrunk on a weekday!
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kroosluvr Ā· 11 days ago
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aftermath
ERMMM this takes place after long winter au third semester.... it could honestly vary but i think sometime btwn 5-10 yrs. sumire is abroad, akira moved back to tokyo after finishing hs/college, goro is. around
SORRY ITS 5am again so ill make this quick . again
QUICK DISCLAIMER this is kinda like a lot of me projecting LMFAOSDOGKJSDHFK@#)40 so like dont read into this tooooo much bc idk royaltrio cld be insnanely ooc here but. YEA.
started thinking abt akira constantly calling up goro and sumire even after 1) goro dies (so they think) and 2) sumire distances herself post-third sem. i elaborate on this on my shusumi fic........ sorry subtle shilling
^ tldr i think these 3 kinda drift apart after the snowglobe world crumbles, that false reality that ironically brought them so close together..... back in reality, things feel Different (but this is Our reality right? why does it feel so strange now?) and so. well its just not the same, no amtter what
the. the ā€œthe love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was thereā€ tumblr post
even though they loved each other and knew it too, there was also some sort of looming feeling that it won't last - but it does, still. it exists, in some meaningful sense-
akira sees and thinks about sumire and goro in everything he does, his day to day life, worries about them, wants to tell them about all he's doing, wants to hear about what they're up to. so he does so by leaving voicemails (although in this case sumire changed her number LMFAO. he does it anyway)
in the same vein, sumire thinks about all the things she'd like to tell goro, but with no address to send it to, it's useless. but she writes them anyway - more and more as a solace to herself, conversing with the memory of goro in her head, making him live on in that sense. and with akira i think it's a little more subtle. here she's trying to find a coffee shop that measures up to lebalnc, and of course she doesn't. there's only one leblanc and only one akira. but yeah like in sumire's case she kinda goes these "roundabout" ways in her Missing Them. theres also the added thing of her wanting to be more independent (from goro and akira and kasumi and tokyo and etc etc etc. also elaborated on in said fic)
goro! i think there's smth so poignant about visiting your own grave (i wrote sumire doing htis in another fic. thats an aside) hair cut, mask on, no gloves, he's a different sort of goro akechi but not really in any meaningful sense either. he's just different. sumire leaves the scarf (i think w sumire, she learns from goro like. omg im blanking on the word. LIKE reliability..? thinking realistically? smth like that.) so shes subconsciously thinks oh ill get him something useful like a scarf to keep warm (and a lil more subtle on the love aspect). akira gets him a lovely bouquet, straightforward and honest w his love/adoration, never afraid to spell it out. smth abt goro needing to live a new life now but also he keeps looking back - but this time, there's love when he looks back. there's still love
a kind of "youll always have home with me" sentiment btwn these 3. even if we never return there, youll still have a place in my heart
like "i dont think ill ever have that kind of love again. but i had it once. and even if i couldnt keep it, its still important." THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN
anyway tldr theres just some sentiment w royaltrio w Wanting to move on but also holding onto your past, and learning how to reconcile with the horrible parts but also the tender and lovely parts. sometimes there's stuff you gotta leave behind and grow past, grow around, even if it's good. even if it's good, you still have to push forward. <- a lesson that i'm trying to teach myself currently so thats why this is very. projecting. LMFAODSJKHJKSDKW sorry im crnge goodnight
these notes are horrible dont read these.
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freakcliff Ā· 8 months ago
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x men tumblr dashboard simulator
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bluebabadee
THIS BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR NON-HUMAN PASSING MUTANTS. HUMAN PASSING MUTANTS DNI
10 notes šŸ“ŒPinned Post
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sparklejays Follow
based on your likes!
every time I see a human talking about "how cool it would be to have superpowers" or some shit like that I loose it a little bit more. do these people realize that being a mutant isn't just fun powers. like even beyond the shit I deal with trying to get jobs or all the relationships that have been ruined once people realized I'm a mutant. abilities aren't just fun and games, I have a friend who can't touch people without nearly killing them, I burned down three buildings before someone finally taught me to control my abilities, and these people are all like "wouldn't it be great to fly to work every day??" just admit that you see us as comic book characters and not real people with real struggles
#actually mutant #jay .txt
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scamperpamperblog reblogged spocktism
šŸ™ļøtilleys-brain Follow
self diagnosing is great and all but most of you people aren't telepaths, you're just hyperempathic
#actually mutant #actually telepathic #hyperempathy #crosstagging i know but some of yall need to see this #tilley speaks #it can be dangerous to go around acting like you know peopels actual thoughts when its just your brain
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oh-you-pretty-things
.
#vent post #sometimes I get really mad at magneto #like I think he's done a lot for mutant rights and stuff #but I'm so fucking tired of everyone assuming that I'm evil just because of my powers #like jesus not all of us are trying to start atomic wars #some metallokinetics just use their abilities to make cool sculptures #but I can't get a spoon from across the room in front of strangers without someone mentioning jfk
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mutantbuffy reblogged muntantpollscentral
šŸ©»mutantpollscentral
*physical mutation meaning something that is ALWAYS physical, not just something you can turn off and on whenever
#ig my mutation IS technically physical its just not visible to people most of the time so i feel weird claiming that #but like i was born with the tattoo marks #the powers didnt come till later tho #so idk which to pick
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sploimsh reblogged jesterjuleses
šŸŽ¹pussy-truck-faggot
HEY! shout-out to people with *weird* mutations. Mutations that don't look cool, mutations that are gross, mutations that are dirty, mutations that you can't tell people about because they always cringe. You're just as valid as every other mutant out there. Your powers don't need to be palettable to humans for you to be treated with respect.
#THIS!!! #rb
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rosetvler
god i am so tired of the hypocrisy in this community. the double standards are insane. its okay to have 'scary' powers but the moment someone's abilities are scarier than like, pyrokinesis you're evil and dangerous to be around. 'acceptance' for you people only means nice mutants who've never hurt or scared anyone ever.
rosetvler reblogged rosetvler
non-mutants can reblog this btw
#srb #actually mutant #getting real tired of this
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katiedidnt reblogged morelikesexmen
šŸ©»magicsteele27 Follow
okay like. i get that were all about acceptance and pride or w/e but no one in this tag has ever had friends irl i swear. if someone asks you not to read their mind you shouldnt. honestly you shouldnt be using telepathy on people at all without their permission. mutant abilities dont disclude you from respecting peoples boundaries
šŸŒŒrosetvler Mutuals
i swear to god you people are such hypocrites. its all 'mutant and proud' until someone has a power you dont like. its always about keeping the humans feeling comfortable instead of thinking about how it feels to never use your powers because theyre breaking 'boundaries' that were made up by humans in the first place
šŸ©»magicsteele27 Follow
dude do you hear yourself right now
šŸŽ†jade-the-pyromancer Follow
Hey, I like your point op, but maybe you should stop trying to speak over actual telepaths and let them decide how to use their powers themselves???
šŸ©»magicsteele27 Follow
i. i am a telepath.
#duddeeee telepaths are insane #used to be friends with one SO glad i broke that off before it went too bad
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verycharismaticdragon Ā· 1 year ago
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Okay, I promised a writeup of Luo Binghe voter fraud meme, and as Luo Binghe is currently in the finals of the poll this happened on, I figure now's a good time.
So! It all started when Luo Binghe, our beloved half-demon child, was submitted to @/hybrid-battle tournament - or rather, as it was called at the time, @half-being-battle. He won his first poll easily enough, but round 2 was a close battle where he and his opponent, Shantae from eponymous game, took the lead from one another a few times.
In the last ~12 hours, Binghe was losing slightly after a popular blog rb'd the poll with a call to vote for Shantae. However, SVSSS fandom caught this in time and passed the poll around some more. The poll ended with Luo Binghe winning with 51% of votes - or, as simple calculation will reveal, 14 votes lead.
We breathed out a collective sigh of relief, but too soon - as half a day later, someone sent this ask:
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(x)
Initially the pollrunner wasn't intending to do anything about it, but then someone suggested a teamup option, and the poll for the option was made (x). It was rb'd by some SVSSS fans with the general sentiment of 'free our boy he did nothing wrong', but didn't gain real traction until:
@gaywarcriminals reblogged it with a small rant in Binghe's defense
@piosplayhouse rb'd said rant with addition of the image from vol.3 cover, of Shen Qingqiu holding Luo Binghe's hand, edited to look like SQQ is the one saying the text above.
This version of the post was circulated in fandom overnight, leading to 'Luo Binghe moves on alone' option winning by a large margin - and, ofc, to the birth of "Luo Binghe voter fraud" meme.
Though aside from this particular post being funny, there was another factor contributing to the meme catching on: how damn in-character it all was. The following sentiments were all repeated more than once in the post's notes:
Luo Binghe getting accused of crimes he didn't commit? Omg just like in canon!
Shen Yuan would absolutely buy bots to get his most beloved blorbo to win an internet poll.
It's just Luo Binghe's protagonist halo!
All of which made the situation fucking hilarious.
Then, the next day, tumblr user verycharismaticdragon (whoever they might be šŸ˜‰) made some fanart about it, which possibly aided the spread of the meme too.
Also, SVSSS fandom surprised the mod with our chillness šŸ˜…
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(x)
Since then, Binghe has been going strong in that poll - and now, he's in the finals! So make sure to vote for him; as we all know now, the real voter fraud is the friends we made along the way. And I do recommend checking Luo Binghe's tag on the poll for some fun propaganda we've been making, including a family tree by Pio and some more art by yours truly <3
But wait! There was also another layer to the voter fraud iceberg. The tl;dr:
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At about the same time Luo Binghe vs Shantae ended, Hua Cheng was losing in round 1 of @/the-ghost-bracket, with something like 39% of votes to his name. In a desperate move, I linked his poll under my bingqiu voter fraud art, which gave him a boost to get close to a tie, but didnt flip the poll. The next day, I was explaining the LBH voter fraud meme to my friends, and mentioned Hua Cheng's poll too - which was when inspiration struck me, resulting in...
this post. [ID: art of Xie Lian with a wooden board which reads "Puqi shrine accepting donations in the form of votes for Hua Cheng in the ghost bracket", captioned "please help dianxia, he doesn't have the money for voter fraud"] Which gave the poll enough visibility for Hua Cheng to win with over 62% of votes in the end. (The link in the post is currently changed to round 2 poll, which HC was also initially losing. Srsly besties we gotta follow the tourneys to get our babygirls to win!)
So: LBH voter fraud meme had even helped little bro Huahua out.
And thats about it! Since then, the scum villain fandom has been joking about voter fraud on all of our polls šŸ˜‚
(Aaaand the last reminder to vote Bingbing in the finals. His opponent has been gaining lately and I think we shouldn't leave it to the protagonist halo this time.)
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emmkitt Ā· 2 months ago
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stop calling mephone4 a child.
my credentials(/silly): mephone4ā€™s biggest fan + someone who sees mephone as representative of myself. i am also an autistic adult. (relevant)
i went on an autistic tirade rambling about this in a discord server but i wanted to compile my reasoning and stuff here into a tumblr post because this is very important to me.
alright. lets start with the most commonly used argument.
calling mephone a child is ableist.
now i certainly agree that some children CAN act the way mephone does. however, i think itā€™s harmful when your ONLY argument as to why he is a child is ā€˜because he cant spellā€™ or ā€˜because he creates fantasy worlds in his brain as a means of escapism.ā€™
I think the issue is, we are reducing these very real symptoms of mental disorders to ā€˜oh heā€™s just acting childish,ā€™ instead of understanding them for what they are. autism and dyslexia are not cured the second you turn 18. it doesnā€™t work that way. giving in to the stereotype that only children can act this wayā€¦ i dunno man. it really rubs me the wrong way.
i think itā€™d be better to view him as an adult with these symptoms because, well, VERY rarely do we ever get representation of an adult with mental disorders in media. at least not in a way thatā€™s not villainizing them or mocking/infantilizing them. (sidebar, mephone IS NOT THE VILLAIN. he did bad things, yes, and should be held accountable for it, but he is NOT. THE VILLAIN. he is an abuse victim, and his way of acting is actually very good representation of the way abuse victims may go on to mimic actions of their abuser.) cobs (mephoneā€™s abuser btw) LITERALLY infantilizes mephone IN CANON. IN THE SHOW. WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO COBS. WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE COBS.
bro didnt go to school
i didnt know how to title this section. basically, people reducing him to a child because he doesnā€™t know adult things are MISSING THE POINT.
HE WAS RAISED BY COBS.
do you think cobs had ANY interest in teaching him ANYTHING about the real world? about how to be an adult? about how to ride a bike or pay taxes? NO. dude popped into existence knowing nothing except what Cobs WANTED him to know. he was meant to just work for Cobs and do tasks all the time and that was IT. OF COURSE his knowledge is going to be limited to what Cobs taught him. that DOES NOT make someone a child. GO REWATCH THE SHOWWWW.
suspend your disbelief for once in your life oh my god
i dont understand how people are able to suspend disbelief for LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE in fiction. such as murder/death, supernatural creatures, the universe itself as a whole, etc. but when it comes to age, the real world standards MUST be applied, no exception. Like since Mephone was canonically created 14 years ago in-universe that means he is 14 years old. we are completely ignoring the fact he is a fictional talking sentient phone robot for a minute.
and adding in the ā€˜he acts like a childā€™ argument for a secondā€¦ season 1. what 1 year old do you know that can walk and talk and create an entire game show?? he has practically acted the EXACT SAME WAY his entire existence, therefore that argument falls completely flat.
it would be DIFFERENT if in-universe they had established rules, where this age means this and that age means that, but the ii universe DOES NOT HAVE THAT. meaning people are free to interpret age however they want. it would ALSO be different if mephone was canonically stated to be a child (weā€™re getting to that) OR portrayed to be childcoded. whichā€¦. he isnā€™t.
okay so by these rules all of the contestants are younger than mephone.
the agreement amongst child mephone believers seems to be ā€˜creation date = birth date = real ageā€™. so bot is like 3 years old. the unvitationals are like 2. all the contestants are somewhere between like 4-14. but wait- some season 1 contestants ACT older or younger than the others? no. no theyre ALL 13-14 only. no exceptions. every newbie in season 3 is like 4-5. every newbie in season 2 is like 10. makes perfect sense.
do you understand how ridiculous that is. WE CANNOT , i repeat, CANNOT APPLY REAL WORLD STANDARDS TO A FICTIONAL UNIVERSE. oh my god. they are holograms. they are robots. they are in a weird plane floating in the vastness of space that has a picnic table that can generate food, and the ability to revive dead people, and ghosts and talking corn and. and all of THAT is fine. but god forbid someone interpret the talking phone as an adult. I DONT GET IT.
b-b-but cobs called mephone a childā€¦
once again, common arguement. i strike thee down with a ā€˜MANIPULATION TACTIC.ā€™ i feel like this has been covered enough and better in other mephone rambles so im not gonna get into it.
personal section
this is more of a personal experiences and opinions thing. less based on fact. agree or disagree idc this is just my experience.
once again, like i stated in the beginning, i see myself in mephone. a lot. I am an adult. i have autism. i have the tendency to act ā€˜childishā€™ sometimes due to my condition. im bad at being an adult. i struggle with tasks that are probably easy for other adults. iā€™m not a child. itā€™s very disheartening- i WANT to be viewed as an independent functioning adult, despite my condition, but when even a FICTIONAL PHONE who acts just like i do gets reduced to ā€˜childā€™ because he acts similarly to someone whoā€™s mentally ill and has been abused. it HURTS MAN. heā€™s just trying his best:[
anyways conclusion
idc. you can headcanon whatever you want cause technically nothing is confirmed, but this is more food for thought for the people immediately jumping on the ā€˜child mephoneā€™ bandwagon.
unless someone is canonically stated to be a child or is very heavily child coded, i donā€™t think its wrong for people to interpret them as an adult.
if sometime in the future mephone is canonically confirmed to be a child like. in universe. ill probably be disappointed.
i am a firm believer in age doesnt work the same way in ii as it does in our universe. theyre all fictional creatures. they were not created by conventional means. you dont have to apply our worldā€™s standards to it.
anyways uhh. ramble over lol
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wosemi-sama Ā· 9 months ago
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and the crowd went mild šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„ also no chara dividers im lazy rn
these r so short id add more but im rushing rn sorry lmfao šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­
intended lowercase!
misc. obm hcs
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LUCIFER
wakes up at the ass crack of dawn every single morning.
wears those old man pjs. with the long hat and fuzzy slippers and gown. you know the one.
most bitter coffee you've ever had in your life how he can drink it is astonishing.
his bed, his mattress, his pillows are all as hard as rock how does this man SLEEP.
sleeps like hes the corpse at the funeral hes that one image
MAMMON
will pull you into a headlock and call it a hug.
LEVIATHAN
guy who had mountain dew and cheeto dust in his veins instead of blood. guy who marinates in his room for two months straight. guy who- (i am immediately shot dead).
did a collab with the anti-lucifer league to create a 100k words dialuci fic to piss off lucifer (dont worry about him he got paid in anime and tsl merch).
TRULY believes he is the #1 tsl fan. and also #1 ruri fan.
wimp who VOLUNTARILY makes you cosplays if you are a cosplayer or even if you aren't. it will happen.
vtuber fan. he was like "hey i wanna be a streamer but i dont wanna show my face but i also want to be an anime boy! wait-" and now hes a vtuber.
has accidentally referred to all of his brothers as "chat" at least once. hes never recovering from that btw.
SATAN
cannot stop annotating books he reads for the life of him.
all of his books are just filled to the brim with sticky notes because all he does is annotate.
once he has a crush he will start imagining him and them in the same scenarios as the characters in romance novels he read. (loser alert!!)
sneaking a new cat into hol like once a week (he never succeeds btw).
ASMODEUS
oh boy his room REEKS of perfume and body spray.
"i sprayed my new perfume in every nook and cranny! smells so floral and elegant, don't you think?" (it smells like a bath and body works threw up.)
surprisingly plays the trumpet and BOY is he loud. bro is absolutely blasting those notes.
worst driver ever btw.
BEELZEBUB
freckles all over!! like a lot. *im not beating the insane allegations*
ate like 27 family size dorito bags, 30 dollars worth of taco bell, and four sprites in one sitting and he still hasnt recovered.
sleeps. like a lot. not as much as belphie but enough to be considered an eepy guy.
BELPHEGOR
will randomly grab every blanket and pillow he can get his hands on and make a nest in the common room if he's up to it. and then have everyone make a dog pile in it just so they can hang out and be silly.
will NOT clean it up afterwards. lucifer will tell him to and his only response will be "im tired..."
freckles like beel too i think theyre silly.
9829364 cow plushies. (theyre all from lucifer)
SOLOMON
will randomly gaslight people for no reason
"hey did you do the homework"
homework? what homework? there was homework? my, what even is homework? never heard of that.
"hey, i heard of this animal from the human world called a giraffe! can i see a picture?"
what? what's a giraffe? oh, those!! yeah, they're just myths. they're not real. purely fiction!!
yk that one post about tumblr funnyman solomon. he is a tumblr funnyman to me. he confidently posts his exploded spaghetti and gets 10k notes i think.
SIMEON
has a book club with satan and solomon. :)
probably writes oneshots of the brothers on tumblr idfk man (sorry to the simeon fans i write like nothing on this guy bro).
LUKE
bodily six ("but didnt the devs say hes ten?" shut up. /j)
along with that, also shorter than in canon. (since hes. yk. a first grader. that BOY is not five foot hes one sauce packet long dude.)
favorite store in the human world is walmart. i like to think his human world outfit is all exclusively from walmart bc thats funny i think.
DIAVOLO
hands of STEEL. he tries to grab your wrist and he nearly crushes it by accident.
ice cream!! he loves it :) his favorite is strawberry btw.
also this boy is NOT a himbo hes a smart man.
needs like a hug and some sleep and also a friend this boy works too much!!
BARBATOS
short. like really short. especially according to devildom standards since most demons are super tall.
"but isn't he six feet?" not in my heart.
somehow always making tea for some reason?? if he's not making tea then he's making pastries.
my boy does not SLEEP. hasn't slept since the sun has been birthed and doesn't plan on ever doing it.
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dragonstailbutch Ā· 5 months ago
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Hey sorry i am trying to like. find examples of what you mean when you talk about mra stuff and (trans)misogyny in forcemasc content and tumblr search has betrayed me once again, can you explain?
(sorry I normally wouldn't ask but I wanna make sure I'm not perpetuating anything!! Also fucking tumblr search!!! it is ridiculous!)
so ive been sitting on this ask for months since ive got it. i want to do it justice and try to take it at face value that its being honest in asking.
The thing is, theres this trend and a weird amount of effort to be like force femme, to be forceful and like its something to fearful of and give in to. But we cant do that, cause all that does is reinforce the idea that being a man is a toxic thing. I saw this post the other day where a transman talked about like, the whole "raised as a weapon" thing, the violence and horror of being a man and raised that way versus how they felt growng into it as a transman. How they wanted to reclaim that phrase or something? i could be misremembering.
But that was never the intent of forcemasc. It wasnt actually about being a dude, literally *forcing* someone who was unwilling into masculinity, none of the posts that i made that started the community (and yes i, a transfem butch woman, started and made this community and some of yall need to get over yourselves) were ever about that, it was intended to be a soft mimic or even a call to forcefemme.
i was all about making it soft and tender for a reason, cause if i didnt i was only reinforcing the toxic masculinity narrative, "men fighting in the mud" "men are dominant and cool" " to be a man is to be forced into masculinity and to be disgusted with the feminine" or whatever. When masculinity isnt about just men, and being butch isnt just being masculine. masculinity should also be sensitivity, not domination. i wanted it to be better, show a better side of what masculinity could be, what being butch is.
Ive spoken before a bit too, about the tags people used and added to forcemasc, and really maybe i was wrong in ever naming it forcemasc. people used and still use tags like autoandrophilia, autoandrophile, androphile, autogynephilia, androphilia, and autogynephile. Ive seen so many people with urls and tags and posts calling themselves transandrobros, literally calling themselves MRAs, as if that was something to be proud of, as if they dont understand that they arent fighting for their and our rights, they're fighting for cis-mens rights by using those names and terms, not transmascs/transmens rights. I can understand ignorance, but weve talked about how the words you use have history, especially those like the tags i mentioned and androphilia and androphobia and others, all of them have roots in deeeeeeeply misogynistic and transphobic people and history.
Literally all of these are awful and are phrases that arent and wont be reclaimed because theyre history is one of pain and hurting trans people, one of coercive 'help', literal forced detransitioning and reinforcement of MRA and terf narrative that men are both good and the worst creature alive and that to be a woman is to be disgusting and the purest thing all at once. That to be a transwoman is sick and we shouldnt be trusted.
Im trying to be very kind, not scream and rage, not because i dont desperately want to, but because if i do, as a butch transwoman, ESPECIALLY cause i claim being butch, people wont listen to me no matter how much of what i say is meaningful. one of the reasons why im doing this NO, instead of in anothr day or two, is that im coming to terms with the fact that the situation will just get qorse, not better without words.
Part of why im still sane is that ive gotten a couple asks here and there about how my posts and creation of the community has helped them and its so wonderful to see that, genuinely so amazing to see people recontextualize and love themselves. its wonderful and im so fucking happy about it.
i personally made this space so i could love myself, who i am as a trans person and my body, and i knew that other people needed and wanted that for themselves too and i wanted to help, share this love with more people. That to be hairy and chubby and masculine and butch was a nice thing. But to me it feels like it was coerced into being a thing for Men. A thing no longer for me or people like me who share the butch culture and name to no longer enjoy cause people unfamiliar with kink and tran history have decided that masculinity and butchness are the exact same thing. Id say people should go be a bear, but you wont learn their culture either and thats cruel and insulting to bears.
We deserve better You deserve better. Stop falling for the lies and hate. We beg you
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strwberri-milk Ā· 2 years ago
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Just read one of your ao3 fics and immediately came here. Could you possibly do Kaeya's first reaction to reader squirting for the first time?
ooo nice!! i didnt konw if people would really see my tumblr from my ao3 so im glad to hear that <33 also i. literally just accidentally posted this so people who sent asks before this/a few days ago YES i have your asks i just forgot to save this as a draft im sorry ;-;
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One thing about Kaeya is he is incredibly diligent in whatever he does. He does everything to 100%, even if it doesn't seem like it. What his priorities are is an entirely different matter.
This is doubly so whenever it comes to you. He adores you with every fiber of his being, loving to be around you and spend time with you and learn what makes you laugh and smile. Making you happy is the only thing he thinks he's okay with doing for the rest of his life.
When you first began to spend nights at his place he liked to try and rile you up, see what kinds of things get you going and how to make you a flustered mess. It was a fun past time of his and he really quite enjoyed it.
Once you started having sex with him you realised fully the true extent of his devotion to you. He used his body to make you melt under his hold, desperate for more and more of him. It didn't matter how much you pushed against him, as long as you didn't tell him no, he had no issues working over the edge over and over again.
His favourite was to see how much overstimulation you could take after a bout of edging before the only thing you could say was his name, body shaking as sweat ran down your skin that he couldn't help but kiss. The way your hands trembled in his as he held you could make him rock hard in an instant, gently nosing against you with the light ask of "again?" in that soft husky voice you could never resist.
All of his experimentation paid off one night in a big way, and the only way you could describe his reaction was excited. You knew in you'd never rest again after this joint discovery, but the way he pulled you into his chest made you not mind too much.
"Fuck, you're doing so good," Kaeya pants into your ear, ramming into your used hole over and over.
Your nails are scratching against his chest, pressed up against him in a way that would be uncomfortable were it not for him stealing any coherent thought you could have with the way he's fucking you. It's endless, almost maddening but you can't help the way your body reacts. His hands hold your hips still, forcing you to take whatever it is he wants to give you as your knees weakly rest against his waist.
"Mmn, Kaeya -" you keen, feeling another orgasm beginning to crest.
He was fighting for this one, feeling you on the precipice for a while now but for some reason, he wasn't yet able to push you over the edge. Now that it was coming again, he had to just have it. Your walls were clenching so tightly over him and you were biting your lip again, trying to hide your moans from him but he would just have to ignore it for now.
Kaeya is relentless, sitting up and pushing your thigh towards your chest so he can mount you better, watching as your body bounces against the sheets hungrily. There's nothing he loves the sight of more and when your expression begins to shift he knows he has you.
He fucks you through the orgasm, chasing his own peak as he feels your arousal soak his pelvis. The sound you make and the feeling is so erotic it makes him cum on the spot, almost collapsing onto you as his hips continue grinding into you slowly.
"You fucking squirted," he huffs into your ear, almost offended you held out on him.
"Why are you mad at me?!" you retort, brain too fuzzy to think right as you smack his face in retaliation.
"Have you never done that before?" You shake your head and an evil grin spreads across his face as he flips you over, pulling your back into an arch as he manages to get his half-hard cock inside of you.
"Really? I'll see how many times I can make you do it then," he practically growls at you, brutal pace starting up again.
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unnamedpebble Ā· 5 months ago
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Someone tried to climb up to the launch pad to see the new ship but didnt get very far </3
Ramblings + closeups vvv
This is once again a submission to @outerwilds-events even tho tumblr is hellbent on making me SAD and not letting me post there- For day 3 I choose the "Gossan" prompt but ig its also "hurt/comfort" if you squint, even tho its more a "little ouch/big hug" situation. Idk Gossan is one of my fav and them taking care of baby Hatchling is the cutest thing ever imo. I didn't think I'd do more than one post for the fest because I found out about it like 3 days before it's start, but I just couldn't pass the opportunity to draw Gossan again- Also like... Chewing drywall at the idea that everyone would admire Feldspar bc they're the more exuberant type while Gossan would be the one silently taking care of the future of Outer Wilds Ventures, getting the hatchlings interested in piloting, teaching them how to be safe in space and stuff- And like literally every single fanart of a member of the OWV being depicted as a parental figure makes me cry so I'm adding this to the pile- Also ??? Baby Hatchy. Need I say more ?
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speakofthedebbie Ā· 4 months ago
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you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!
the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):
Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis
just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it
Managerial Liberties by the same fella
these two tags explain it pretty well
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something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel
devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss
also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)
iā€™ll hold you close (iā€™ll stay the course) by the same fella
the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.
ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut
Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])
if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday
Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)
if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)
Freely We Serve by @romanaxe
i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)
A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)
this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!
The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli
{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried šŸ˜Ÿ well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}
basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor šŸ˜­) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had šŸ‘€)
somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)
this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala šŸ‘€) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono šŸ‘€) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen šŸ˜‚ most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace
new recs below!! ā†“ā†“
Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one šŸ‘€)
i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!
A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries
spinning this around in my head at all times
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basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)
a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)
in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!
Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)
oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th
honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)
if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple
not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics šŸ”›šŸ”)
idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting
tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)
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princesssmars Ā· 1 year ago
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cant live without a poly ship so pjhazel with reader...light (?) nsfw. making out and allusions to more. fem cheerleader reader. are there any pj fics i mean this is rachel sennot we're talkin about. not gonna proofread we die like jeff should have. reuploading bc tumblr hates me and wont make my posts show up on the tags.
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maybe reader is a cheerleader who both of the girls have a crush on, made difficult by them being...friends. aka pj has had a crush on hazel for years and has tried to stomp it down into the dust while hazel tries to forget about her feelings. which definitely always works.
you probably didnt notice them before the fight club, but once you join its hard not to. you like hazel because she's genuinely so nice to everyone and cute in that "you kinda scare me but i weirdly really like it", and you like pj because while her attraction is so obvious by the way she refuses to hit you, constantly adjusting your posture, and how you've caught her staring at your ass about twenty damn times already. but shes cute in a "you're obviously a loser but your desperation kinda turns me on way."
maybe pj catches on to how close you're getting to hazel, then being the hotheaded ass she is (affectionately) confronts hazel about it, telling her if she was a real friend she'd do her a solid and back the hell off ??? obviously hazel isnt falling for it, saying they should leave it up to you to decide who you're interested in.
lucky for them you invite them for a study date at your house that night ! when they ring your doorbell pj is nitpicking hazels button-up, getting surprised when hazel bites back and critiques her plaid zip up jacket because really? plaid?
they both quickly shut up when you open the door, smiling casually like you arent standing in front of them in a lacy bra and shorts, turning around inviting them up to your room as you expect them to follow you. they do, of course. (hazel makes sure to clowe and lock your front door beacuse shes. polite. yeah.)
the fake studying you do is dreadfully boring. hazel tries to pay attention to the work, while pj is flirting with you and getting more flustered the harder you flirt back. eventually you get sick of the bullshit, grabbing her by that fugly plaid jacket and bringing her lips down to yours.
you have to pull back only three seconds in when to your shock the brunette lets out the loudest groan you've ever heard and brings her hands up to squish your breasts, looking slightly embarrassed as giggle at her and brush some of her frizzy hair back away from her face.
a mix between a shaky inhale and a snort reminds you of the other person in the room, turning to see hazel with such a strong grip on her pencil you're slightly scared shes going to stab herself with it.
you ask her "dont laugh at her, you think you could do better?" and before you know it she's crawling towards you from the bottom of your bed and kissing you with the passion of a long lost lover.
you have to admit you're slightly surprised at how proficient she is at kissing, knowing just the right way to tilt your head and graze your lips with her tongue. it makes you so light headed you fall onto your back on the covers, hazel never giving you a chance to pull away as she follows you down and cages you in.
you make out with her for another minute or two before gently pushing her off to catch a breath, your chest rising up and down at a mile a minute. once your head clears more, you look above you to see hazel looking almost nervous. her eyes dart from you to the space to your left, and you tilt her head to see pj doing the same.
"you guys can kiss too, yknow. i wont mind. it'd be pretty hot actually."
you meant it as half of a joke but your breath catches in your throat when pj grips the sides of hazels head and kisses her. well, more like starts licking at the area around her mouth, but with a little guidance its not long before the two are in a heated makeout above you, the sight and the sounds they're making turning you on in ways you didnt think was possible.
you press a hand into both of their chests, the girls pulling apart and looking at you like they're both waiting for your command.
yeah, you were gonna have fun with this.
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was looking at hazel tiktoks and a comment complained about the lack of stuff about her on wattpad, then someone said to head over here and sometimes i forget that. u r real people. reading what i write. so. whats up.
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citrusinicake Ā· 7 months ago
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Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse
full text below
do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those
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starlvenus Ā· 9 months ago
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ZOMBIE!?!!?!!!1!!
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warnings! small description of rotting flesh, not super detailed, reader climbing out of grave sam winchester x fem!reader
i lowkey forgot about tumblr bcs of school </3 !! but i swear I'm trying to write more... ALSO!!! TYSM FOR ALL THE LIKES ON MY LASt POST!!! :D PLEASEEEEE feel free to request anything!! theres a chance ill write it :3 !! (fyi, not a full on fledged out fic :( just a little ramble thing until i couldnt/didnt wanna write anymore)
summary sams dead girlfriend comes back from the dead D: !! -- Your eyes widen, a gasp escaping your hoarse throat. A high pitched hum fills your ears almost instantly. Your eyes dart around seeing nothing. YouĀ  turn around trying to just shuffle to the left, almost instantly you realise there is little to none room. Instantly the panic settles in, your chest rising up and down rapidly. You move your hands to feel around you, you could hear your hand hitting something but you couldn't feel it. Despite how scared you were, you tried touching your face. Instead of warm flesh touching your own the abrupt feeling of brittleness makes a scream ripple out of your throat. With what little sense you have left, you try to claw away at the edges. Slowly but surely the casket slightly opens, dirt trailing in through the cracks. After you get the casket open, dirt instantly falls on top of you, the pressure of the dirt halting your shallow breaths. Desperately you try clawing your way through the dirt breathing in some as you climb your way out. After digging, and digging, the harsh glare of sunlight pierces through, burning your eyes forcing them to shut rapidly. Your eyes blink trying to get used to the jarring light. Your eyes slowly adjust. The moment they do, they dart around taking everything around them in.Ā 
Despite guessing you were in a casket seeing the graves all around you freaked you out. Your eyes trail around the area, slowly landing on your hands. The flesh on your finger tips is stripped, and rotting away, leaving dark and dry patches. Your skin is deprived of its liveliness. The sight sends waves of nausea, your tummy lurches. Tears gaze over your eyes, you use all the strength you have to pull yourself out. The ringing in your ear quiets down. Your body shakes as you stand up.. Not knowing where you are going you start walking. Hoping to find something. You make your way on a backroad, the cicadas buzz in your ear. Sometimes cars will pass you, they do look at you as they drive past, none of them daring to stop. After what felt like hours, you find a small phone booth. You think about how lucky you were.. You almost automatically press in the 10 digits.
The phone dials, and dials.. Until his voice rings through the shitty phone. ā€œHello? Who is this?ā€ ā€œSam? It's me.ā€ Sam sits paralysed. The once comforting voice leaves him with a shiver running down his spine. He struggles to even believe that he was able to hear her voice again. Just as quick as he thought he had her back, other thoughts raced in with the many possibilities, shape-shifters, crocottas, and more. Never considering the fact that it could be her. Despite his doubt he can't bring himself to hang up. It's been too long since he heard her. It lacks her past awkwardness, replaced with a lifeless tone, but it's undeniably hers. The slightest chance that it could even be her keeps him on the other line. Not willing to miss the chance. Ignoring his doubts, he hesitantly speaks up. ā€œIs.. is it really you?ā€
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sechsviciado Ā· 3 months ago
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when doves cry
reaperken/touka ; written circa nov/dec 2022
no warnings or ratings really?
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so after my slight reaperken/touka rambling yesterday i figured that i really have nothing to lose from posting this small snippet of a fic (oneshot??) thats been sitting in my google drafts for nearly the past two years; if this is crappy i can always just delete it but ive wanted to contribute a bit more to keep tokyo ghoul tumblr alive so i figure why not?
i felt so smart when i came up with the title since ken was a dove during that entire reaper arc until the events of cochlea. i didnt really pay attention to prince's lyrics in the song but looking back at it now i guess some apply? not really any inspiration was gained from it though, i just grew up with music from the 60s-90s so the title kind of came to my mind and it happened to be a prince reference. not really any ratings or warnings yet?? its nowhere near finished and im not sure if ill even finish it because i feel my writing heavily lacks.
anyway, without further ado
how many months had it been?
it had been months ā€” years ā€” since he recalled feeling this exact way. of course, haise had felt this way too, but it would never compare to the feelings he had for her before that brief period of time where he had lost recognition of everything and everyone who once meant something to him. ironically, it's when he felt most at peace with the butterflies in his stomach, beating against his rib cage and the cage surrounding the longing which could never be released. heā€™s regained his memories now, but he knew something was different within him even when he laid his glassy eyes on her again on that first visit to :re as sasaki haise. why did he feel so entrapped and yet so wrongly distant even when he had no recollection of her prior on that first visit to the cafe?
it would never be the same.
it would never compare to the feeling of falling in love with her and the realization that came with it. the realization that left him in a state of both a mix of surprise and agitation for days and with a feeling that could only be described as his heart skipping a beat and yet crumbling at the same time. it would never happen, would it? he had chosen to face that reality when he was still his old self, naive and too ashamed of his actions to actually face her after all the pain he caused her as a result of the pain which engulfed his entire life, too. too ashamed to accept his new reality, hiding behind his eyepatch ā€” too ashamed to admit he had fallen in love so easily. he wasn't any different now.
haise may have fallen in love with her through the lens of a reborn figure with a fresh start and no boundaries to stand behind (apart from his obvious shyness and the weird sense of familiarity), but it just occurred by fate. the same fate that had snatched him from her years prior had found a way to bring him back into her arms and make him belong to her once again. he can't help but believe that maybe there was some future destined between them; the embittered part of his heart and soul makes him realize even that destiny would probably be cursed or filled with further strife.
though he supposed that didn't matter now.
not when he was even more distant from her than when he was an amnesiac with no recollection of her apart from the same old feeling of confusing comfort and longing. it's humorous and yet painful to think about how low he'd fallen in this aspect, not even being able to face her once again. despite his older age, he was still just a boy when it came to this same ancient rush, wasn't he? it doesn't matter. she surely didn't want anything to do with him anyways, especially not after everything that he's done. he's betrayed her and everyone who was once a part of him once again, and heā€™s chosen to accept that painful reality ever since he vowed to stop dreaming and flung tsukiyama off that building. facades all break down eventually.
though he supposed that didn't matter now, either.
heā€™d be disposed of soon enough before any of this could matter at all ā€” before hinami was to be the one to disappear from the purgatory that was life as a ghoul. there was no heaven and there was no hell; there was no afterlife. heaven was bliss and safety on earth while hell was anguish and pain.
it was selfish of him to hope touka would feel any sort of pain after all of the grief and rage he's put her through time and time again, but he hoped he'd at least be remembered by the person he felt he loved most in this lifetime ā€” the one who hadn't thrown him aside but who had instead built a nest for him as if though her life depended on it. he can't help but wonderā€¦ heā€™s had everyone he's ever known and cared for snatched from his hands by the same twisted fate that led him to await his upcoming death, he doesn't know if the puddle of both coldness and warmth in his stomach is either fear or love.
he'd truly cherish any memory he had of her before heā€™d be killed.
he vaguely remembers telling her, years ago, that he'd be sad if she died; he just hopes she would be saddened at his death, too.
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malt-rants-and-stuff Ā· 2 days ago
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Having some Tashiro (and prev pres) Thoughts
mostly just re-hashing things my fellow tashiro fans have said but I just felt like making my own post about it. be warned i wrote this while on a 4 hour drive on paper so im not sure how the length translates into a post, this will be a long one haha. also beware of inconsistent caps lock usage.
OBLIGATORY WARNING FOR SASAMIYA FIRST AND SECOND YEAR NOVEL SPOILERS
This whole thing was mainly brought on by two things, one is my non-ssmyverse friend dming me a twt screenshot with the most bland and uninspired description of tashiro's character ive ever read, signaling to me that tumblr has really spoiled me with the good tashiro takes. the other thing was that i got inspired to bring the first and second years novels with me on my previously mentioned long drive, which means that i got the pleasure of rereading both and, most importantly, rereading Tashiro Love & Passion. safe to say i had a lot to think about afterwards.
The whole thing really reminded me of the aspect of tashiro that i've always found interesting: his observant nature. And i dont just mean how he views others, but also how he views himself. How this perspective breaks the most of what we'd expect from a character like him, something Harusono loves to do with their characters.
From the first couple of pages in L&P alone, we get a lot of insight on how tashiro sees himself and how he bases much of that on how others view him.
He mentions a lot of clubs that he was a part of in the past or helped out with, describing his tendency not to stick around one club.
"The all-rounder." A "pinch player" anyone could call on.
I feel like this is an important place to start because just from this we see a bit of how Tashiro breaks from the mold of what an unassuming reader may expect him to be.
In the Sasamiya manga/anime, we dont really have too many chances to really view tashiro for who he is as an individual. with our limited perspective of him, we get to know miyano's friend tashiro, a bright, fun, and earnest character who says whats on his mind and is apparently on the ping pong team with hanzawa which is neat.
and if you werent a bit unhinged like myself and some others, this would be a fair assessment of his character. but ohhh boy once Love & Passion hit the towers there was no turning back.
there have been some posts getting into the themes of this chapter that i feel analyze it better than i ever could, so i wont do that, but i do want to talk about how tashiro's character is portrayed throughout the chapter.
And by far the main part that i want to focus on is how hardworking he is, and his and other's perspectives of him are effected by this.
Because tashiro is someone who wants very very badly to win, as he says numerous times throughout the chapter. Even under the guise of someday getting to quit the ping pong club, he pushes himself to get better; even going as far as practicing against the grannies and grandpas at the bath house that totally didnt adopt him.
For all his complaints, it would be easy to push off his actions as comedic. maybe, and im just making stuff up as i go, saying that he is only behaving as a stereotypical fun-loving slacker would. that his only motive truly is just to leave the club and drift through the rest of his high school days.
But then, that just isnt true is it? what kind of slacker would put so much time and effort into a club that he never even wanted to stick with in the first place?
This my dear friends, is how the Tashiro brainworms Fucking Get You.
Because why indeed, why is tashiro, who drifts through life wondering if he'll ever find his purpose, his Passion if you would, so impressive to the Previous Ping Pong Club President (prev pres) that he finds himself in line for future president?
While tashiro never really seems to figure this mystery out himself, we can take a few guesses.
While we will probably never see prev pres' thought process here (unless we get those 10k words of hanzawa lore that he'd probably be a part of) his actions speak for themselves in a way.
Afterall, this is the same president that got him stuck in this club to begin with, the same one who watched him complain, the same one who'd help drag him back whenever he would try to skip.
He's also the same president who watched him keep to their deal instead of just trying to find a way around it and quitting anyways. the same one who played against him at every practice, watching him learn and grow as a player. who saw him work hard, determined to not bring the team down, even if he wasnt as into it as the others. who saw him stick around.
in his perspective, tashiro takes multiple chances to not how he feels different from the people around him, that he has never known their "love" and never felt their "passion".
He finds himself surrounded by the Passion of others each day. His teammates, his friends, his bath house grandparents, just about everyone in the whole world. but what about him?
i mean, its not as if he's not interested in anything, he has things he likes. hobbies he enjoys. he just... never got that burning Passion, that unabashed Love for something like everyone else seems to have.
I think prev pres understood this part of him. that he saw what tashiro, for all his insightfulness, couldnt see for himself.
because for all tashiro believes that he doesnt have Passion, he sure does love to watch others indulge in theirs.
he takes note of what little he can catch while kuresawa and miyano talk BL, just so he can ask questions later. he gets to know the people at the bath house, listening as they talk about their lives and interests. and while he may not be "super into" in the ping pong club in general, he still wants to see his teammates succeed. he may never have stuck with a club for very long, but he still made himself reliable enough that he's seen as someone they can call to step in when needed.
in my mind i think that is what prev pres saw in him, how tashiro's dedication to see the Passions of others flourish assured him that the club would be safe in his hands.
and, while i cant say tashiro's passion is one specific thing right now, i can say that it encompasses every dream he wants to see grow. every love he curiously watches bloom. every ping pong match he fights to win.
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