#didnt have them before high school really
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A lot of this as true but as a cis guy who's been assumed to be queer since before i knew i was queer and has long hair, which normally wouldnt even be something i'd bring up, but this is something ive experienced due to being really short and having long hair but i wanna refer to number 3
3. That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men.
Idk if you've had to be around these fucks but let me tell you, men like this act like im not a man. every day i wear a mask i get called maam even when ive got a beard spilling out of the edges of my mask. (got called mamacita at a taco truck the other day while having to pick up a dashing order. thats new) But growing up, i was the punching bag. Didnt matter if i was agreeing with everything they said, did, or even hyped them up. I was the punching bag. Ive had my hair lit on fire while driving, beat up multiple times, bullied until i started fighting back. you could say it was just shitty high school guys but then we get into adulthood. When you become older but still dont even clear the national average men dont look at you the same. im still a target to these people just because of my look, and not even the hair. I got assaulted, by a straight man, while i was checking the oil in my car. My hair wasnt down, wasnt wearing feminine clothing, doing autowork checks. And guess what when i freaked out because some random guy came up behind me and started grabbing at my chest he backed up and then freaked out i was a guy and was threatening to beat me up because i was "tricking him" call me a coward i just ran off. You can call out your friends sure, and sometimes it might work in a social group setting. but i guarantee you youll just stop getting invited instead of behavior being corrected. this is said already but the men these men listen to arent gonna do this, and you might be able to change some minds with words. But as someone who pays attention to shit, words dont do shit. actions do though. if you wanna fix this problem its not gonna be the tiny little gay guy these men wanna beat the shit out of that they are gonna listen to.
at some point something else but words is gonna have to be done and as a man i wish i could figure something out but because of both my sexuality and my unchangeable features of my body im basically excluded by most any "masculine" guys.
I dont have an answer, i wish i did but i dont
But i will say its gonna take actions, not just words, for these sacks of patriarchal dung to take themselves to the trash can or clean themselves up.
If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.
"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.
Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.
Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.
You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."
Problem with that being:
1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.
2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.
3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.
4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.
I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.
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me to one of my friends: yeah i told my two main professors atm about my migraines because it felt important that they knew, and they were both really understanding and apparently both had migraines in the past!
her: wow yea thats so nice!
me: yea :)
her: so nice to know it can get better!
me, before processing: yea it really is nice that theyre so understanding and willing to accommodate me!
me, now having processed: wait what
#i am So in the moment that i dont even really consider things like. long term#which i think is a fair outlook right now. but my friend does also have a really good point#however. it is also So painfully obviously the perspective of someone whos never faced chronic illness#very kind and I like her very much. But also#Person who goes 😟😟😟😟😟😟 when youre casually like yeah ive been tired for five years and have a headache 24/7#She was like. I have a headache when I’m doing REALLY BADLY and even then it’s just like a little bit#And I was like. ??????? That’s the normal??#And then ofc i remember my life before i got migraines and its like. Yeah#I’m a weird one I got those late onset migraines#didnt have them before high school really#Which checks out because theyre REALLY energy related and thats when i started sleeping too little and doing too much#and then theyve only gotten progressively worse!#anyway. i shoud Eep#z talks
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oh my god ! haha . anyway a bit buzzed perhaps. anyway here's what happened on the date
#at some point i took the earrings off. the metal clanging was screaming their name too loud and it#was 6 knives to the throat and he confirmed it so. here's the kicker. you can be taught a lot and you can have their hands on your thighs#and you can kiss them but even if they pray even if they tell you about the bible looking into you like really they lost what they believed#in a pennsylvania countryside catholic schools with a protestant family since joining the london school of economics#even if they pray for you to stay the whole way even though their hair was softer than hers you think of her and he thinks of someone else#and be tells you none of it will make sense. they smile and they say what a shame you might miss the train but they hold onto you#the entirety of you - like a religion or a polite insistence or something to keep.#you learned they were used to losing everyone they felt bound to love. they said they got really good at letting go. you were told#you think he's being epistemologically#irresponsible and he tells you he carries a massive task. he tells you the responsibility is monumental#and he feels responsible for defining responsibility. he shows you songs and his poetry. my eyes feel on fire.#she doesnt know this. this is marylebone. the next station is edgeware road. everyone here looks happy and high and clear of the doors.#he says tell me when you get to the station and very especially tell me if you don't. the next station is paddington. please mind the gap#between the train and the platform. you say this to him. he says i minds the gap between you and i. i mind it so much that i need you to#come back. he says this because you kissed him briefly but you kissed him well. she says you're a good kisser but he says you have him#stunned. he asks you who decides the truth. he tells you you decide the truth without his mouth. you're fast enough to make it there before#the wheels do. this world is lit by glass and light and people with a pact to fall in love with the abstractions more than each other.#he tells you to be committed to your various intangible loves more than anyone. you both have to be. they love each other anyway.#i was supposed to find a persian poetry book with her on our fourth date except she was hours late. i found it with him. he didnt give up#he should be perfect and i should really like him.
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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Ars Paradoxica school au but it's a high school where all the kids are obsessed with the drama in the science and maths block.
I have a rough outline for the first two arcs of the plot but don't know where to go from there.
Mr Partridge is the head of Maths, Mr Barlowe also works there too and both their wives are quite involved with the school for various reasons ( I haven't decided whether I actually want them working there or not yet).
Dr Grissom showed up and got immediately promoted to head of science, the rumours as to how vary between her bribing the headteacher or being a time traveling scientist with knowledge far ahead of the current time. Or maybye she's just good at her job.
Mr Wyatt works there too along side Ms Roberts, who's happy to finally be able to teach instead of constantly being on supply duty.
The school ends up getting shut down when some government guy shows up and one of the Chemistry teachers commits arson.
#if one person want to know about my ideas for point of exile ill tell#ive never really done an au before so idk what im doing help#please say if theres anything i got wrong or something#didnt mention but the school is seriously undercunded and doenst have an onsite tech team so when a bunch if the computers glich out late#after school Anthony and Sally bond over fixing them and complaining about the head and deputy#sally grissom#ars pardoxia#ars paradoxica#anthony partridge#Esther Roberts#Jack Wyatt#also now im just imaging within the boock itself all the stuff is happeneding with the maths a physics teachers with some chem kinda involv#d and the bio teachers are just like nope not paid enough for this#be kinda funny if there was still timetravel and spy stuff was still happening#this is all just from the childrens pov#omg im rambelling#au#ars paradoxica au#high school au#high school teacher au#idk lol#rare non queued post
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sometimes i mayhaps would like a boyfriend
#so here is my life rn im going to explain using letters representing people instead of their names bc there are two people w the same name#a and b are dating and c and d are dating then band d cheat on their respective partners w each other and a and c want to date and they#find out abt the cheating so they all start dating - b c and d are in a play that i am in along with e and f#e and f are also dating - f is one of the only other trans people in the cast so we talked a lot and he said he thought he only liked girls#and was thinking about breaking up with e because he is also a trans guy#one day we were going home from rehearsal and f left then e and i were watching b c and d say bye to each other all loveydovey#and e said he wanted that and i said yeah me too and he mumbled something i couldn't hear and i was like 'yeah' bc i couldn't tell and he#said 'join me!' and held out his hand and i took it and boom we were holding hands (his skin was very soft in case you're wondering) and we#shared phone numbers and said that's like how he started dating f and i was like oh interesting and we left and i realised he was asking me#to date him and i was like okay free bf! two free bf! then he texted me and said f didn't want me in their relationship and oh. no free bfs#and then flash forward i was in the friend group with a b c and d and i made friends with a super controlling guy who didn't want me to be#friends w the friend group and only him and was all 'if you're friends w them that means you don't like me' and we were friends w benefits#so i ditched that friend group for him and he was mean to them and wanted me to be like that too so i was kinda rude to them#flash forward again i finally left the toxic guy wow i have no friends now i was in 1st yr high school but e was in last year middle school#i didnt talk to him much bc i was focused on school stuff and now this year e is in first year of hs and im in the second year and he's#hanging out w the old friend group and I noticed him even before i knew who he was and i was like oh that person seems really cool hm#wonder who he is hes friends with old friend group how interesting OH that is e he looks different but he looks cute and now i kinda want#to text him bc he's in one of my lunches and he was in student council on friday and we looked at each other and i waved hi but he didn't#wave back and now im worried hes heard that im mean bc the old friend group but i still like him bc we were really good friends but also#ive been thinking about what might have happened if we did start dating and i really want to text him but i only have him on snapchat bc id#what happened to his phone number but i don't have it anymore#i really want to talk to him but snapchat gives me anxiety and idk what he thinks of me now#but i really want to talk to him!!!!!#help#what#should#i#do#does looking at him count as flirting#zen is gay :]
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why does clark kent wear glasses though. silly answers only.
#superman#THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS QUESTION#i don't want a 'well you see his powers blah blah blah' answer i just think it's so funny that he wore glasses before he became superman#my theories are 1) he thought they were neat and was sad as a kid that he'd never have to wear glasses#so he started wearing them except now he can't stop wearing them otherwise people would be confused#and they'd figure him out as superman too so he's stuck w the glasses#2) his vision really is not good and 20/20 vision is a thing he has to put effort into doing so he doesn't do it all the time#3) in the same vein as 1: he wore glasses w a halloween costume in high school and someone he liked told him he looked cute with glasses#so he didnt stop wearing them and then he couldn't stop etc etc#bluebird.txt
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a loved one of mine sent me this post back in June, but i was immediately afraid of being a party-pooper so i didnt post my reply publicly but, now, ive had more than enough emotional distance from the knee-jerk anxiety of "oh no what if i correct people and everyone sends me hate and doxxes me" that im like "oh yeah i should post that" lmao (if i already did this: sorry, chronic memory loss stinks. i dont remember having done this before lmao)
if you dont like reading a long thing of text to get information btw, totally get it, here is a video link to Jessica Vill's video about the topic which will walk you through identical information if that is your preferred way to process/learn
also: you can easily google and wiki my sources, these arent hard things to verify once you know to look them up to begin with. but i did include screenshots below as my various sources; as well as evidence of "yeah, it would be super easy to fact-check me about this if you feel so inclined" [transcripts of images will be my reblog of this post under a read more, bc tumblr kept throwing a fit otherwise if i did it here] nonetheless, never blame people for not knowing what they didnt know. the misconception is absolutely the fault of PBS (for not fact-checking the author of that article pre-publication if nothing else) for publishing an article preying on the Black community's pre-existing attachment to Betty Boop for clicks. i wont be going into that article itself that had so terribly misreported, esp since PBS already apologized, im just reporting the information i know
i will add the following corrections to what i said in that DM:
i do not "blame" anyone above for the misinformation. if i "blame" anyone, it is PBS for claiming Fleischer consciously based Betty Boop's personality and design on Esther Jones, which you can see in the screenshot above; where BlackHistory.com cites and quotes that said misreported article. thats who i was groaning about in my DM, the PBS article; i was not nor was i ever attributing misinformation to come from @rikareena or @lveshae, but especially not @rikareena who fact-checked and was lied to by (a) said misinformation and (b) there not being an editorial within the snippet SAYING "oh btw sorry, our source we mentioned was bad actually. PBS apologized for the misinformation and not fact-checking it and we should too for spreading it without fact-checking our source ourselves". you should always google your facts and that is exactly what @rikareena did. it was not anybody in this post's fault that these sources were based on misinformation. do NOT blame or send negative attention to any tumblr-user/individual person within this post or outside of this post, istg, demand better of these website-sources instead (esp to have fact-checking teams themselves) and not individual people omfg
we do have few photos of Little Esther (you can see all of them in Jessica Vill's video), not just one. but they all are of her as a child. we have NO confirmed photos of her as an adult. also, to clarify, Little Esther was who i was talking about in regards to lost media, we have VERY little records of her performances (to which im glad people HAVE been looking into her and finding more about her that we can confirm is definitely her through this misreport. i love that she is re-gaining fans and her story is being shared, very big silver lining of this whole thing. if you're into uncovering lost media, please do look into her and help find more about her) also, she goes by "Baby Esther" and "Little Esther" as well as her name of Esther Jones/Esther Lee Jones
the photo i said was maybe her as an adult was incorrect. you'll see it below, it's the "Do Tell by James Van Der Zee, circa 1930" portrait that has oft been misattributed to Esther Jones. we do not know who this woman modeling for him had been
the cosplayer in question i mentioned was specifically Olya Gussy. she dressed up as Betty Boop and was photographed in 2008 by Retro Atelier. she is often misattributed as being an adult Esther Jones, which she is not
part of why i can never remember Betty Boop's primary "original" voice-actress is because Betty Boop has had SO MANY, even in just "classic Betty years". but i was specifically thinking of Mae Questel. the main three classic 1930s Betty Boop voices were Mae Questel, Mary Hines, and Bonnie Poe, but there were also several others in the 30s alone. but, yeah, when i was trying to talk about Betty Boop's voice-actress, it was Questel specifically who was in my head
i got my information wrong about the Betty Boop musical "Boop!". i got confused; i blame my chronic memory loss, but still my bad. anyway. it has so far ONLY been OFF-Broadway and is DUE to be ON Broadway in 2025 (get hyped!!! im so excited!!). off of Broadway, it has so far only been in Chicago according to the Wikipedia. and though it only had a had a short run in Chicago overall, the entire time it WAS in Chicago, Betty Boop was played by a Black musical actress: Jasmine Amy Rogers. love her, go support her!!
here are various screenshots with more information. feel free to look into them and/or the court-case on your own time. this is just "yep, shallow 2+2=4 levels of using google/wiki to fact-fact" on myself (which, to reiterate: is NOT a diss on anyone who didnt know what they didnt know, outside of this post or within it, idgaf, i do not tolerate trolls and dickheads being mean and utalizing me/my posts as a weapon to do that with) and show my sources in a more visual way
so yeah!! Betty Boop absolutely should be claimed by Black people since she has so many connections to Black American art within her performance, and Betty should 100% be drawn as a Black woman by any and everybody who wants to depict her that way
but also dont give Fleischer Studios credit for things they didnt do. they did not utalize Ether Jones in their initial conception of Betty in any purposeful or concious way; they did not design a Black animated female character in the 1930s. do not give them that credit that they have not earned. Fleischer Studios only utalized Esther Jones to get out of a court-case they had with Helen Kane. them accidentally creating a character whose performance is heavily in connection with Black American artists, like Esther Jones, is VERY DIFFERENT than them basing a character off of Esther Jones or being inspired by her in of by itself. do not give them flowers for making a Black female character star in her own shorts (and then rescind said flowers-that-they-didnt-earn for how she then "became white-washed" like that PBS article misreported) when they just?? didnt do any of that?
(also this is mostly unrelated but bc it is tangentially related to "dont give Fleischer Studios credit for things they didnt do" thing: if you know me, youll see me specifically crack jokes about Betty Boop being wlw and/or about her "he/him butch girlfriend, Freddie". im talking about her canon boyfriend, Fred or Fearless Fred, who is a human (unlike her also once-canon boyfriend of Bimbo, the anthropomorphic dog). do not take me making jokes about headcanons and how "Fred's design is too sapphic to be a cis man" as legitimate fact. youll see the internet jokes of a similar vein sometimes, im definitely not the originator of that joke)
Betty Boop is for everybody in the same way as youve likely seen that Hatsune Miku trend where everyone is making a cultural Miku re-design to their specific ethnicity or way of life; we've seen Betty Boop be flexibly "for everyone" tons of times, even outside of her being a nostalgic tribute to the flapper girl era (a cultural niche in which women of ALL backgrounds took part). in classic Betty Boop cartoons alone, we've seen:
Betty Boop as white/white-passing (especially any time they copied Helen Kane which Fleischer Studios did OFTEN and didn't even HIDE until it became a legal issue; but also Helen Kane wasn't even being that original. baby voices like Betty Boop's was a common gimmick of actresses then and Helen Kane's catch-phrase wasn't even her own. i still personally think Fleischer was copying Kane, but also it makes 100% sense why she lost that lawsuit),
we have had Betty Boop be Jewish (the most obvious being parents in some shorts speaking with thick Yiddish accents, implying she is the daughter of immigrant parents, most famously in the "Minnie the Moocher" short as part of the set-up before any music even began to play),
we've had her be rotoscoped dancing using Indigenous Hawaiian dancers, in their regalia, and given a tan (multiple times but my favorite is "Bamboo Isle" for sure),
we've had her collab with Cab Calloway (a famous Black jazz musician for anyone who doesn' recognize the name) along with others and had Betty Boop's catchphrase ultimately come from Baby Esther's scatting, along with other instances of Betty Boop's performances having connection to Black American performance-art
and, hell, you could even make arguments about Betty Boop as a cowgirl in her "Nan McGrew" parodies. cowgirls and cowboys were a largely queer and/or POC group, paid very little but allowed a lot of freedom of expression and welcomed isolation, until America cinema and the like white-washed cowboys to hell and back. you could see Betty Boop as anyone of any identity, really, but especially as being of the marginalized in that vein
Fleischer Studios did definitely (accidentally popularize infantalization in animated women woah who said that, who brought up my special-interest) only announce that they used an alagamation of flapper women in their design to better shoot down Helen Kane, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true. Betty Boop IS the 1930s tribute to the flapper era of the 20s and all the women from there, of all skin-colors and ways of life. anybody can cosplay or draw Betty Boop. but Black people especially do have a special connection to Betty Boop that cannot be denied and is v beautiful
(i could talk for a few hours about Betty Boop, and i will be the first to admit this isn't even her first "well, originally..." debate concerning her as a character, much less the breadth of her impact OR all aspects of her history. there's all the ways she did steal/borrow from Helen Kane, at least in my opinion; her impact of infantalization in animated women's designs; her hyper-sexualization and how theater at the time functioned (in a sexual way*) and her specific "gags in the margins"(*×2) animators would make; her almost movie about her and her father that a lot of Betty Boop fans have dug up and shared the conceptual work of around; and even the debate of her age as that is constantly in flux depending on where you look and at what time of history (*×3). all of which i mention in an "if you liked learning about Betty, there is a lot more to look into learning about her" way rather than an "ask me, ask me, ask me" way)
(said * clarifactions will be with the aforementioned reblog to not make this post even LONGER than it already is lmao)
anyway. again: A++ art though, absolutely love it ♡
boop-boop-a-doop
#betty boop#esther jones#baby esther#little esther#esther lee jones#long post#ps. the wiki bit about the PBS article is a bit confusing bc theyre throwing years around around#to clarify: 2015 was when the article was published. well within the same month it was posted (probably the same week ngl but#idk for sure) they posted an editorial on the bottom of the article apologizing and saying they were wrong (in no small part#bc Fleischer Studios themselves contacted them yiKES YIKES YIKES lmao). so these articles from 2017 and everything?? real sHIT FUCKING#JOURNALISM like youre telling me yall could scroll to the bottom of the article??? bc i KNOW it was at the bottom i SAW IT BACK IN 2015#anyway. i guess?? PBS realized people were still citing them and went ''y'all really not scrolling to the bottom?? really??? yOURE#GONNA GET US IN TROUBLE jfc you guys we dont want a court case from the people who own Betty Boop and the defunct Fleischer#Studios about libel and apparently we cant trust yall sO YOINK'' and then in 2021 allegedly deleted the article according to wikipedia#(i dont care enough about PBS' article to check if it was deleted) the one thing i will grant these other articles is my#chronic memory loss makes shit fuzzy so MAYBE the editorial apologizing was posted as late as EARLY 2017. okay MAYBE. but i fucking dOUBT IT#BC??? HELLO?? FLEISCHER STUDIOS MESSAGED THEM??¿???¿¿? but idk MAYBE its a 2015 article that went viral in 2017 so Fleischer didnt know#until then?? buT THATS ME BEING FUCKING GENEROUS. I REMEMBER SEEING THE FLEISCHER MESSAGED THEM AND SEEING THE ARTICLE LINKED AND READING#IT AND THE APOLOGY AND I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS 2015 I REMEMBER BEING IN HIGH SCHOOL but idk maybe i was visiting a teacher at the time i#saw it and my memory loss is making shit fuzzy bUT 2018 ON GOT NO FUCKING EXCUSE AND I REALLY DO THINK ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENED IN 2015 I JUST#AM WELL USED TO MY MEMORY LOSS FUCKING WITH ME. THATS MY ONLY DOUBT. NOT WHAT I ACTUALLY REMEMBER. BUT THE FACT THAT I KNOW IVE#BEEN CONFIDENT BEFORE ONLY BE WRONG AND BETRAYED BY MY CHRONIC MEMORY LOSS. I SWEAR THE EDITORIAL HAPPENED IN 2015#but yeah the wiki makes it sound like they didnt have to apologize for years ans that they did a quick ''sorry!!'' and delete. nah lmao
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#im losing it a little bit and feel like crying but just *cant* and its making me irritated on top of wanting to cry#my last relationship... broke up with them 3 months ago didnt block them bc they owed me money (long story)#and now we're having this like- closure-ish/last conversation of our relationship (as in 'friendship')#and its been over the course of like a week now? bc we both take a day or more to respond#me bc i carefully write my msgs and make sure i hit every point i wanna make#them bc they just suck at responding and are online much less post breakup#and im the one who needs to respond now and ive been carefully thinking through our entire relationship from start to end#making sure i didnt miss anything important i want to say#and im realizing that i dont think they ever truly knew me#they made me feel very early on that i had to hide parts of myself because they were so unstable that just my negative emotions could push-#-them towards an anxiety spiral or even harming themselves#and idk how purposeful that was i dont think it was very intentional but regardless they made me feel that way#and because they only ever saw either the 'good' side of me or the very surface level bad days (like worrying about family acceptance)#i dont think they ever truly knew *me*#and instead they created this image in their head of me thats so perfect and on such a high pedestal#which only further my feeling of needed to hide the 'bad' parts of me#and its just- they've known me for like 4-5 yrs now. dated me for 2.5(?) of those. and they dont KNOW ME#and idk what to do with that.#it creates this really weird feeling in my chest and i dont know what to do with it#ive had friends in my life before who claimed to be so close to me but didnt actually know me at all#but they all had the excuse of being delusional about our relationship after only knowing me for 8 months bc they were school friends#but my ex? they knew me for ~4.5 *YEARS* they dont have that excuse. the only excuse if you can call it that is the fact they made me hide#what do i even do with this realization...#vent post
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Yall ever think about how much is passed down between children that adults may be completely oblivious to.
Which goes for positive and negative things.
Like games that an older child taught to a younger one, who then taught it to another child below them the next year. There's plenty of stuff I remember doing that no adult ever taught me.
But that also goes for the bad parts of being young like bullying.
It's why it would be so hard to stop the cycle of bullying altogether. A 5th grader treats the 4th graders like they're all babies and they need to stop doing certain things and act a certain way, and the 4th graders don't like it but they internalize it so they end up doing the same thing to class below them a year later. Or high school seniors treating freshman like absolute dogshit just for being freshman, and they hate it so much but by the time they become seniors they think they've earned the right to do the same thing to the younger kids. So it repeats indefinitely.
And it's not even necessarily something that adults can intervene in if they don't know it's happening. They can give all the bullying PSAs they want and maybe they'll catch one individual act and punish it, but you would have to convince multiple generations of students to drop this behavior in order for it to truly disappear.
#we had something kind of like this at the high school i graduated from#it was a 3 year school but you had to apply to get in and you could only enter as a sophomore or a junior#most people entered as sophomores and there were not a whole lot of incoming juniors cause they already had students from the previous year#but i entered as a junior simply because i didnt know that it was an option when i was going into my sophomore year#well the 'returning' students all treating the 'incoming' students like they were just dirt beneath their feet and didnt belong there#and i had a few people be nice to me at first but ultimately i ended up being friends only with sophomores or other incoming juniors#which i was kind of fine with cause there werent a lot of people in my class that even looked like someone i would like anyway#but it was ridiculous when i entered my senior year and i watched all the same people who hated being treated like shit the previous#year start doing the exact same stuff to the new students. i tried my best to not fall into the mindset but i was also too meek to call it#out in the people around me at the time. but it ended up becoming a whole issue when we got close to graduation#see they had originally only allowed juniors to the school. and the school colors were blue and green. but like UGLY blue and green.#and the graduation gowns were blue with an ugly ass green stole. well when they started allowing sophomores they gave the 3rd yr garduates a#white stole to differentiate them. which was only a handful at first. until eventually it turned into mostly white stoles with a few green.#well the administration finally agreed that the green stoles were ugly as fuck the year the i graduated and decided to give everyone a white#stole but with little green chevrons denoted the number of years you attended so you either had 2 arrows or 3 arrows#for some reason! the entitled fucking 3rd year seniors decided this was an affront to their very existence and make a huge fucking deal#about it. we ended up having a whole class meeting over it. one girl even said that her mom was upset by it because 'she sent her daughter#away so young' (literally only 1 year before us but whatever..) and i ended up chiming in at one point because i couldnt take it anymore#and i explained how nobody in the room was my friend because the returning students were rude to me. they acted like they were better than#every one else. they treated us like we didnt belong there. and its not my fault that i didnt even know the school existed 1 year earlier.#and the whole room just got silent and the admins were like 'oh i see. we werent aware that this was going on'#like it was literally 'tradition' to treat new students like shit and the adults in charge just had no fucking idea#anyway i really hope things changed after that probably not but i can only hope.
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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💭.
#writing this before i forget it that was the coolest dream ever#it started with just taking to high school friends on likeee. dark mode msn??#and then idk exactly how it happened but i accidentally invited kasabian to my house n for some reason they actually came#only serge and ian were like actually In my dream tho#ian was cranky and didnt hang around much but me and serge were best friendsies and it was so cool#i dont remember details 😖😖😖 but they thought i was rly cool and impressive and i was having a lot of fun#and then like. serge set fire to a clothes drawer in my house#the fire was inside the drawer and gets bigger when you open it#some guy was sleeping with one hand inside the drawer (normal according to dream lore)#and he moved in his sleep and pulled the drawer open and the fire grew#for some reason i went somewhere else and when i came back the fire was put out it was rly easy#and i found this sticky note from serge on the drawer and it forget what it said but#he wanted us to know he did it on purpose but it was meant to be easy to put out#but somehow it was just this mysterious thing i wanted to figure out#like it was a riddle he left for me#but everyone else was really angry at the whole band and it was like#that triggered ppl to start finding out some shady shit like the band was supporting the coal industry (???)#and everyone was so angry at them and cancelled them and i was so sad and hurt and some ppl felt sorry for me like i got bullied#that isnt enough to ruin the vibes of the rest of the dream tho !! me and serge became besties really fast and it was so cool and fun
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Yandere Bully x Reader Nerd who is shy and clumsy but a freak in bed causing Yandere to have trouble walking the next day? And reader apologizes to them the next day.
Study sessions~! (Yandere bully x top nerd male reader) ૮ >⸝⸝⸝⸝< ა
WC:. 1.7k
Tags hair pulling, choking, spit as lube, bad prep(reader doesn’t prep him fully) degrading, spit usage, biting/marking nipple play (mainly pinching and pulling) back shots, no protection, creampies, forced feminization. ˚₊‧꒰ა❤︎໒꒱ ‧₊
A/N I didnt really know what kinks to use so I just chose a few of mine and tried to make it as nasty as I could and I also gave the Yandere a name but you can decide who it is! <33
School, that was personal hell for you. Perfect grades perfect credits and a perfect teachers pet reputation. All of that made you the perfect school target of jasper, and while he first started bullying you out of interest it delved much darker into obsession about you, behind closed doors on the other hand was a different story, you had him bent over the couch of his house or spread out in the bed of yours. In that setting you were the one in control, you liked that setting the best.
What was supposed to be a simple tutor session for the two of you turned to just be an excuse for you to have jaspers head in your pillows while you fuck him. “Hn- right there-!” A groan left jasper’s mouth but that didn’t detest you in the slightest “c’mon you little freak, you were so proud during English today?” You’d mock him leaving down right in his ear and jerk your hips forward dragging the tip of your cock along his inner walls.
“Oh- hm- [name]!~” jasper was in another state of bliss arching his back raising his ass up more for you while his eyes batted back and forth between thrusts “damn jasper, clenchin just like a pussy” your hand reaching forward gripping a hand full of his black locks pulling his head back to watch as your cock held his winking rim open, jaspers hole not having been prepped fully was burning from the sensation of nothing but his own spit as lube
“such a tight little cunt jasper, you let every guy get a fuck outta it?” You look down at him in the eye pressing your hips forward holding your cock right against his prostate and holding his head up by the hair to make him look at you as you fuck him. “Noo— just you!” His moans starting to sound like high pitched squeaks every time you thrusted into him “I’m havin a hard time believing that jasper” your hand loosened from his hair letting his face fall forward into the bed sheets as his rim spasmed around your cock.
“More, [name] please~” jasper croaked out while you re adjusted yourself leaning down right on top of him mounting him taking your hand off his hip reaching under him to start groping one of his pecs while biting at the nape of his neck giving it a little suck while your hips crashed against his ass cheeks. “Such perfect tits jasper, so small like they’re beggin fer me to touch em” you murmur against his neck leaving purple and red marks in your wake before biting a little harder right in the crook when you snap your hips forward driving your cock further into him.
“Fuck! Hng—“ a sharp gasp leaves jaspers mouth his hands reaching up gripping the head board slightly while your hips pound nailing him down into the meters making the head board creak reaching one hand back to hold your hair and tug at it holding your face in the side of his neck while you fuck him. “That’s it, you really like that huh? Yet pussy’s clamping real tight when I do this” you groan out heaving a little on top of him using your right hand to tug and pinch his nipple making jasper arch.
“I’m s’close [name]” jasper bites at the pillow fisting your hair tightly with his other hand on the head board “yeah, wanna cum?” You muffle your words chewing on the skin of his neck snaking your left hand down gripping the base of his cock before picking your pace up “yess, yes~!” Jasper nods quickly rutting his ass backwards into your groin desperate to get your cock inside him deeper while his gummy like walls contract around you “go on Jasper make a mess of yourself” you taunt giving his cock another harsh jerk in rhythm of your thrusts with your other hand gripping his pec tightly massaging it while your hips stutter and ground forward.
“Oh- ha—[name]~!” Jasper gasps out clenching his eyes shut tight and scrunching his nose up with his face into the pillow shuddering while his inner walls convulse around your shaft. “Spasming like an animal in heat Jasper—“ you huff into his neck licking up where you bit snapping your hips forward one more time gripping his cock tougher while it pulses and throbs beneath your fingers with his cock head no longer a pink color but a angry red while he shoots thin liquid ropes of sperm all over your bed sheets soiling the open splayed math book Jasper had out for your “study session”.
“Look at that pussy squirting!” Your hand letting his cock go but your right hand keeps groping his bed pinching the nipple before digging your nails into his pale skin. Your cock head assaulting his prostate over and over rubbing against his bundle of nerves just right before pulling your cock out of the obsessed male, “no—cum inside me~!” Jasper puffs his cheeks all disappointed and whiny when you pull out of him using your left hand to give your cock a few tugs aiming right on his ass cheeks making a slick mess of him “what a slut beggin for your cunt it get stuffed”
You mumble out taking your mouth off his neck with a slight grunt sitting back up getting off top of Jasper letting his now bruised pec go “not such a bully once you’ve been dicked down huh Jasper?-“ a sly grin creeps onto your face pulling his hand out of your hair and turning him over on his back “don’t think I-can take any m’ore” Jasper looks up at you lazily with his cock all soft and stuck to his thigh by his cum, “I think you can pretty boy” you murmur lifting his left thigh up hoisting it up on your hip. “Just hold on an take it good Jasper”
“Mh fuck—“ a hiss escapes jaspers mouth looking up at you as you use your left hand guiding your cock back to his rim pushing past the puffy ring of muscles “shh— that’s it~” you coo softly not giving mush of a time for him to get used to the sensation before you move your hands to either side of his head holding yourself up between his thighs again rolling your hips in a circular motion crashing back into him as his rim stretches wide around you greedily taking you in. “[name] F’me c’mon~” mewls leave jaspers mouth already back into a bliss with his thighs wrapping tight around your hips arching his back.
“Needy aren’t you” your hand moves from the bed sheets using one to wrap around his neck while you jackhammer your hips forward lightly choking Jasper just enough to make him feel dizzy “ah~ [name]” the moan leaves his lips softly drooling on himself looking up at you all fucked out with his cock hard again as his walls milk at your base.
“God you’re already fuckin close?” You huff on top of him your grip on his neck tightening picking up your force making the bed squeak with your hips bruising his ass cheeks from the force “hmm~” Jasper goes incoherent under you unable to speak between your choking and fucking making his eyes gloss up like a dolls, all love obsessed you could swear there are hearts in his pupils while he watches you on top of him.
“Fuck jasper, such a slutty cunt” you groan your hand slipping off his neck not caring about the red marks left behind as you grip his thighs tight thrusting erratically nearing your edge while your chest puffs full of air with your once pristine hair falling out of place from the sweaty mess you and Jasper are making between the sheets with your books and note pads long forgotten and spilled onto the floor.
“I-m bout to—“ Jasper cuts himself off croaking out weakly from being choked his voice scratchy feeling a heat in his lower abdomen with his legs pressed up into the head board of the head and his cock sandwiched between both of your stomachs making a sticky amount of pre cum while his cock swells up.
“That’s it jas” you look down for a moment pressing your sweaty forehead to his bitting at his bottom lip kissing him punctuating the kisses with your thrusts while Jasper grips your shoulders tightly holding onto you arching his back cumming on himself spilling on his stomach splattering on yours when your cock head pulses right against his sweet spot making his rim twitch around you tightening like a vice.
“[name], [name], [name]~” his voice rang through the room his lower body nearly bent in half under your weight only making you grumble fucking Jasper faster trying to reach your own high not caring about anything else as the pleasure dogs your head up “take it for me jas—“ a guttural groan left your lips while your hand on jaspers thighs weaken pumping your hips forward slowly spilling yourself inside him letting your semen coat his inner walls with the molten liquid.
“Are you alright Jasper?…” you ask softer catching your breath lost in a after glow on top of him blinking looking up at him with your cock half pulled out of his ass and your chin resting on his chest looking all concerned despite the rough treatment you have just given him. “I better not have a limp tomorrow or I’m beating your ass—“ Jasper growls out despite him loving it he had a reputation to keep and he couldn’t afford to be limping in front of his friends, specially not when he had a straight guy ruse going.
The next day seeming to come slower than anything you went about your normal routine in school, although anytime Jasper saw you he quickly looked away all red in the face and angrily walking with a limp with a few other muscular minions he had from the foot ball team. Poor Jasper couldn’t hardly make it through foot ball practice after the pounding his ass took last night.
Study hall came around jaspers friends all together at a table leaving you and him alone for the moment “I’m sorry I went to rough Jasper…” you whisper out with a little frown seeing the red and blue bite marks on his neck with a pink hand print on his Adam’s apple from yesterdays coupling. “It’s fine just shut up you smart ass” Jasper grumbles out acting tough and mean secretly giving your thigh a nudge with his knee letting your know he wasn’t really angry at you.
#sleep 0 deprived#sleep-0-deprived#x male reader#x male reader smut#yandere cw#cw yandere#bottom male yandere#male yandere x male reader#yandere original character#yandere oneshot#yandere oc#sub yandere#bottom yandere#male yandere#yandere x male reader#yandere character#yandere mlm#mlm yandere#x top reader#x top male reader#x dom male reader#x dom reader#Yandere#gay mlm#dark content x male reader#dark content#yandere obsession#mlm ns/fw#tw dark content#yandere x reader
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LEARNING CURVES (M)
★ PAIRING: 00 line x Reader (ft.Mark)
☆ WORD COUNT: 23k
★ GENRE(S): Pure Smut
☆ SUMMARY: After a negative sexual encounter in high school, fear and reluctance hold you back from exploring new experiences. However, a friend offers advice that shifts your perspective, suggesting that perhaps all you need is some practice to improve and feel more confident in trying new things outside of your comfort zone. You would need a lot of practice.
★ ☆ WARNINGS: Multiple sexual acts, unprotected sex, orgy, cursing, choking. Literally just sex.☆★ NOTES: I had some fun writing this, shout out to my friend for literally living this life. You made dreams come true.
You loved being able to catch up with your friends; it was rare you got to see them nowadays with your conflicting schedules and new adult responsibilities. By now, you were all grown up, having traded in your sibling-shared rooms for an open loft and independence. You lived alone, and while at times it can feel lonely, you really enjoyed the time to yourself. Spending time alone would allow you to learn more about yourself.
Today, after debriefing with your friends about their sex lives, you discovered that yours is about as dry as the Nevada desert.
Your friends occupy the living room space of your new loft. You had been in your new home for about a month when they decided to come over for a housewarming party. With Jisung's tall, lean frame stretched out on the couch, everyone else had to make room on the floor. Being a lightweight. He ended up knocking out before anyone else. Your friends Chenle, Yang Yang, Yuna, and Mia surround you on the floor. Your not sure how the conversation got started, but everyone was recounting embarrassing sexcapades from the past.
“And then he fell asleep on top of me after finishing. He was practically crushing me; I thought I was gonna die,” Yuna laughs hysterically at the memory.
The idea of your friend experiencing that makes you shudder. Your other friends laugh along easily. The empty alcohol bottles that decorate your carpet and countertops can only indicate one thing: everyone was off their ass drunk. There was easy conversation, unceasing laughter, and smiles so big they hurt your cheeks.
The stories continue on, and you’re enjoying the time you get to spend together. Yanyang tells you about some girl he went home with after class one day and how she could only get off if he was wearing a cat headband.
“So you pretended to be her kitten the whole time?” Mia asked with a laugh. You could tell she was getting a kick from the mental image of Yangyang purring like a kitten.
“It was hot, actually!” He protests.
"Well, I thought this story was supposed to be embarrassing? You’re in to petplay, big whoop?” You chime in.
"Well, it only got weird when she started calling me Mr. Whiskers,” he groans out of anguish at the memory.
Maybe it was the alcohol, but you were practically weeping at this point. “MR.WHISKERS??”
“There's no way! Tell me you left!” Chenle adds,
“I had to see it through” Yang Yang shakes his head before shrugging. “What about you, miss lonely? Any stories? Don't think we haven't noticed how quiet you are” Yang Yang targets you.
You feel a chill down your spine, like a bucket of ice water was just dumped over you. Although they were more of the second-hand variety, your friends did have some embarrassing stories. They weren't the ones that embarrassed themselves, and that intimidated you a little from telling your own story. Yours had been so embarrassing that you refused to try anything sexual since then. You felt like they wouldn't understand.
"Well, I haven’t really done much.” You say. You wanted to avoid the conversation.
“Oh come on, what about Doyoung? You two didn’t do anything?” Yuna asks.
“No, Well, not really” You could feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment. This was why you didnt want to talk about it. Your lack of sexual experience was probably the reason he broke up with you.
“I've only ever given head, and it was really bad,” you finally admit.
"Well, come on. It was your first time; you can’t beat yourself up about it,” Yuna encourages.
It was back in high school; you had been dating Doyoung for a few months, and you were both ready to take the next step in the relationship. You were too afraid to go too far, so you offered to just give him head.
You should have known better than to try to sneak away at school, but you were young and foolish. Things took a turn for the worse after you and Doyoung slipped into a supply closet in between classes.
You were both really inexperienced and only knew sex from porn. You were overly cocky in your abilities, and so was he. When you first put him in your mouth, you didn't mind your teeth at all. You used too much saliva, making everything too messy. He couldn't get hard at all, so it was hard to stroke it, and so you were just awkwardly flailing your wrist on his length. He wasn't that big, and you thought that maybe if you took him farther down your throat, he would feel better. Big mistake.
You swore it barely touched the back of your throat, but you had just finished lunch like 30 minutes prior, and honestly, the unfamiliar taste of his precum was making your stomach turn a little. The next thing you know, your throwing up on his shoes.
“And then the janitor walked in, and he had to help clean up my throw up” You finish your story, hands cringing at your sides.
Your friends had listened intently through the whole story without interrupting once. You finally look up from your lap to scam their reactions.
Chenle was biting his lip, holding back a laugh for his dear life. Yuna was trying her hardest to look serious as she nodded her head in understanding, but you could see the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall from how hard she wanted to laugh. Yangyang and Mia were fully turned around; all you could see was their shoulders shaking.
“THIS IS SERIOUS!” you whine in aggravation. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The previous silent laughter turned to full-blown cackling. They were so loud, it made Jisung stir on the sofa.
You pout and cross your arms, trying to shrink yourself away. Thinking back on it after all these years, it was funny now, but it had really taken a toll on your self-confidence. You couldn't even get Doyoung hard, and after he broke up with you, you found it hard to try again. You had dated a few other guys here and there, but the moment they tried to get more physical, you got cold feet. You were a virgin, but if you wanted to be technical, you lost your virginity to a fence in the 5th grade while trying to climb a fence. You had slipped and fallen hard on the fence. You didn't realize it at the time, but the blood in your underwear that day was caused by your hymen breaking, not a deep cut from the fence you couldn't find.
Your friends finally calm down after they see you not laughing along. "Hey, we're sorry,” Mia apologizes “Does it still bother you?”
"Yes,” you say
"Jeez, its been years; you really haven’t had any better experience than that?” Chenle says
“You always know exactly what to say,” you say dryly.
“What he meant to say was you were young and that was a long time ago; you shouldnt beat yourself up about it.” Mia glares at Chenle.
“I guess,” you shrug unimpressed
"Well, practice makes perfect so your not gonna get better if you do nothing,” chenle says
This time, you shoot him a glare at his brutal honesty.
That's how you find yourself downloading Tinder. You had thought about it over the next few days. Your friends were all grown up and living their best lives, and you were still stuck on something that happened in your freshman year of high school. Years had passed, and you needed to move on. Maybe Lele was right? Maybe all you needed was to go out and keep falling until you could stand up on your own. Clearly, they had had their fair share of embarrassing stories, and it had helped them grow. You had a lot of growing to do if you were going to make up for the last few years.
You make your profile very simple. You add a few cute photos; nothing risky because you’re still afraid you might run into one of your friends on the app, and you would just die if they found your account.
You add the description of “just looking for fun” and hope you can cast your net wide enough to catch someone promising.
You swipe for about half an hour until you get tired. You had a lot of planning to do. Chenle probably didn't mean it literally, but that's how you were going to take it.
You knew nothing about being intimate or physical with someone, but you were quite bookish. Instead of love and companionship, you were drawn towards studies and literature.
If there was something you didn't know, you would just crack it open and study its insides. That is how you would approach this; you would treat it as an equation that, with a little bit of study, you could solve.
Practice makes perfect...
Practicing math makes you a mathematician
Practicing science makes you a scientist
Practicing law makes you a lawyer
So technically speaking, if we follow the trend, if we recognize the pattern...
Practicing sex makes you a sexist?
Ok no, but you get the point. With practice, you should improve.
Your phone dings, and you smile at the message you got “What kind of fun are you looking for?”
Renjun was his name, and you had made plans to meet with him this weekend. In between classes and work, you made time to prepare yourself to meet Renjun. You had spoken to him briefly through text. You had told him that you were inexperienced and were only comfortable with giving head. He told you not to worry and that he was more than okay with that.
First things first: you had to deal with your first bully if you wanted to move past your past and loosen its hold on you. The thing that made you insecure, the thing that kept you up at night, you had to overcome.
THE BLOWJOB
You had prepared for this day all week. You read article after article of different techniques to try. You had gone through a whole 18 pack of popsicles, and by the 10th one, you had finally managed not to gag when you reached the last color. You couldn't quite pat yourself on the back yet; you weren't sure if you were getting better or if you had just frozen your tonsils. Today, you would find out, though.
You nervously clutch your phone as you shoot him a text letting him know you were outside. He buzzes you in, and you make your way up to apartment 0323 on the third floor. When he opens the door, you can't help but return his smile. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but this cover was really pretty.
Renjun just had a welcoming aura that made you feel comfortable. When you come inside, he asks if you want anything to drink, and he shows you where his bathroom is in case you need it, making you feel at home. After he does a short walk through, he leads you back to the living room, and you both sit on his couch.
“This is a really nice place,” you comment, awkwardly unsure of what to say “Do you have roommates?” His apartment was very large; you noticed it was on the nicer side of town, and you saw at least 4 bedrooms.
“Yeah, but I kicked them out tonight,” he says before eyeing you up and down “I want to take my time with you”
Your skin instantly heated up at his bold words. The kind man who had smiled and welcomed you into his house might have been a fox.
“I've only ever done this once before, and I'm not really sure if I’ll be any good,” you say, unable to hold his eye contact.
“Its ok baby; I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” he says softly “You wanna sit closer so I can see your pretty face?” He says it gently.
You scoot closer so that your thighs are touching. “There's my girl,” he says, and you can feel your heart rate pick up at the praise. He doesn’t look away from you once; his piercing stare makes you feel shy.
Your eyes are glued to your hands, folded politely in your lap, and when he reaches out to intertwine his with yours, you wonder if he can feel the way your hands tremble in his grasp.
“Are you scared? Why are you shaking baby?” he asks sweetly, using his other hand to caress your cheek soothingly. “Don’t be afraid, baby we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do” He strokes your face for a bit longer before lightly gripping your chin and pulling you to finally face him “Do you want to do this, baby? Let me hear your pretty voice”
His compliments twist at your heart again, and it feels like you’re under his spell. He spoke to you in a way that was sweet like honey; it made you want to comply with everything he asked of you.
He smiles at the dopey look on your face when he calls you pretty “You like it when I talk to you like that? Hmm pretty?” Still not brave enough to take a full sip from you without your permission, he pecks the corner of your mouth. "You have to answer me, or we can't have fun."
You nod lazily, and you try to chase his lips when he pulls away.
he pulls back "words," and his eyes look glazed over as he stares at your lips.
“Yes, I want this,” you whisper breathlessly
He kisses you gently, barely allowing you to savor his taste, before he pulls away again. “Let's take it slow, ok? I got you; just follow my lead,” he says, inches away from your mouth. You nod impatiently and surge forward again, claiming his lips against yours.
You were really eager; you didn't realize how touch-starved you were until tonight. You were pressed heavily against his side as you worked your lips over his. It was a very sloppy kiss, but you loved every second of it. His lips were so soft, you couldn't help but groan against them.
You felt a rough hand against your sternum until it traced up towards your neck. His finger tips barely grazed the skin of your neck. He caressed you there for a moment before his grip turned firm, and he pushed you back just enough to get your attention. You whine in disappointment, and he kisses the pout on your lips.
“I said slow, baby I’m not going anywhere,” he says softly. He tries to keep things light so you don't become discouraged. “You taste so good; I want to savor it,” he soothes with praise.
He spoke in a way that made your stomach do backflips. You nod and take a deep breath. You wait patiently for him to lean in and allow him to take the lead. He kisses you slowly and sensually. You can fully understand what he meant earlier when he said he wanted to savor it. There was something about his slow, almost lazy kisses that had you gripping his thigh. He slips his tongue inside your mouth and strokes against yours. You gently suck on his tongue, matching his energy. When he pulls away, you have trouble catching your breath.
“like that, ok? you try now”
You lean in and kiss him, copying all the things he did to you before pulling away.
Your eyes were completely glazed over at this point. Your body was loose, all tension from before evaporating. His kisses were like liquor.
“Good baby,” he says.
You were ready for more, so you sank off the couch until you were situated between his legs. He doesn't say a word while you buckle his belt, holding your eye contact as you discard it to the side. He helps you by pulling his pants down his thighs before pulling himself out of his briefs. He stood in front of you completely hard, and your heart feels light.
You did it! He was hard, and all you did was kiss. first obstacle overcome! You smile dopely at him, and he returns the look with a soft smile before caressing your cheek.
“What are you so happy for, baby? Want it that bad?” He says this, stroking himself languidly.
With your new-found confidence, you shoo his hand away and grip the base.
step one… firm grip
step two… pump and suck
or was it suck then pump?
You tried to remember the articles you had read, but it was like your brain was short-circuiting.
“Relax, baby, don't think about it.” He pats the top of your head soothingly “Open your mouth,” he guides. You do as he says and wait for the next command, “stick your tongue out”
You stick out your tongue and slap the length lightly against your fat tongue before pulling it off and licking from the base to the tip again.
You lick at the underside of his tip before kissing it. “Is this ok?” you ask shakily. From the way his breath picks up slightly, you suppose your off to a good start.
"Baby, you are doing so good for me. "Just like I taught you, take it slow," he says, panting a little.
You give him a nod, then glance back at his lovely pink tip. You suck on the tip experimentally, being extra cautious of your teeth. When you pulled up, you massaged the head with your tongue. You get comfortable, and soon your ready to take more. You slip down further on his length and stroke what you cannot fit in your mouth. His cock had a slight curve to it, and you were hesitant to go deeper. You didn't account for that with the straight popsicles you would suck. You stay within your comfort zone and work him as best you can. You start twisting your wrist at his base, and when you come up for air, you drag your hand up, chasing your mouth, to twist your wrist at his tip. This causes him to let out a moan.
“Just like that, baby, you’re doing so good”
The praise goes to your head, and before you can second-guess yourself, you suck one of his balls gently into your mouth. the way his hips jerk up suddenly scares you. you think you did something wrong but he immediately encouraged you.
“Keep your eyes on me, baby; im close”
You kiss your way back up the shaft until you take it back into your mouth. you moan around his length and he shudders.
“That's right, baby, almost there,” he says, his voice thick with arousal. You feel his hand at the back of your neck as it gently guides you up and down. “do you trust me?” he asks
You nod subtly, trying not to scrape him with your teeth. “Breathe in deep,” he tells you as he lifts you off his length.
You take a deep breath, and you know what is coming. You practiced for this. You were ready.
He guides you back down his length. Slowly sinking you down, forcing you to take more of him as he hits the back of your throat. Your eyes tear up immediately, and your hands move to grip at his thighs. Your nose is tucked into his abdomen as you deep-throat him.
Yes! You were doing it! This wasnt so-
You cough violently after a few seconds of having him down your throat, and he pulls you up immediately. You catch your breath, trying to contain your harsh coughing fit. Renjun is stroking himself in front of you, and you open your mouth again, letting him stroke over your tongue.
Without warning, he finishes all over your lips and face. You lick at your lips, tasting the mess. It tasted salty and bitter
It was a long day; you didn't have any courses today, but you'd just finished a lengthy shift and wanted to relax. Soft music fills your home while you give yourself the princess treatment. You really needed to relax, so you lit a few candles.
When you get home, you take a hot bath. You had filled the tub with bubbles, which reached your neck as you sank down into it.
Only when there was a knock did you realize there was a body in the doorway. You nearly leap out of your skin, only to discover it was Chenle.
“What are you doing in my house” you heave in a breath, trying to calm your heart.
With a playful hop onto your countertop, he mocks you, "Spare key." You feel at ease in his company despite being nude; Chenle was more like a brother to you. The bubbles were pretty dense, so you doubted he could see anything. “Had to do a welfare check; you werent texting back in the groupchat”
“I've been busy,” you say hesitantly. You hadnt told your friends about your escapades. You were too nervous, and you definitely knew they wouldn't like the idea of you meeting up with strangers in the middle of the night.
“Your hiding something,” he said, narrowing his eyes at you
"Well, I am in the middle of taking a bath,” you joke.
“Not what I mean,” he says, rolling his eyes “what have you been up to, you sneak”
You gave a deep, heavy sigh. Lele was the kind of person who would dig until he found the truth, so it was best to just tell him. You spare the two of you the hassle.
“I took your advice.”
“My advice?”
“Yeah, on practicing... you said I should practice if I wanted to get better.”
“I was wondering why you had three twelve packs of bombpops in your freezer” Lele tilted his head with a nod.
“So I did, and... I hooked up with someone” You sink further into the tub until only your eyes are visible above the bubbles.
“Tell me everything; I want every detail.” A Cheshire grin spreads across his face as he smiles at you, crossing his arms over his chest.
Honestly, you have been dying to talk to someone about this. You tell him how you met Renjun through Tinder, how sweet he was, and how comfortable he made you. Chenle is leaning forward, nodding along with everything you say, fully immersed in your story. It wasn't until you finished that he let out a shocked chuckle.
"Wow, baby bird has finally left the nest,” he jokes, “so whats next? You're going to keep seeing this guy?”
You liked Renjun, but you weren't ready for a relationship just yet, especially after only swallowing his dick. You aren't done with your expirations yet. You still had to find your other test subjects. You reasoned that including a variable would help you assess how much you were progressing and if you were truly improving. Renjun was nice, but it was almost time for someone new.
“Maybe. I dont know. Im not really ready for a relationship”
“Are you just looking for something fun?”
Precisely
Although he told you a thousand times that you did an amazing job, you still weren't satisfied. You could hardly take him down your throat. You would need more practice if you were going to be able to take on something bigger one day.
You had been training your gag reflex lately; this would decide if you were ready to move on to the next stage. You had looked up somewhere that practicing on a banana might get you used to the natural curve of a penis, but when it broke off into your throat and you almost choked on it, you decided to play it safe and stick to your ice pops. At least those would melt before you choked and died. You could stand proud the next time you see Renjun.
He buzzed you up like last time, and your steps were a little lighter as you bound up his stairs for the second time.
“Hey pretty, are you ready for another lesson?”
This time, as he brings you in, he takes you directly to his bedroom. You get a little nervous; you weren't ready for that yet. He notices your tense shoulder and laughs softly. “Calm down; we’re not doing anything like that. I just wanted you to be comfortable,” he explains
You relax and follow him as he crawls into his bed. His room was very... Renjun, or at least what you thought Renjun to be like. Ambient mood lighting casts a gentle golden glow throughout his space. He was very clean and ordered, and his room had an overall calm and cozy vibe to it.
He got comfortable against his headboard, and as you positioned yourself in between his legs on your stomach. His bed sheets smelled like fresh laundry, and it was like you were lying on a cloud. You prop yourself up on your elbows and begin working. You are grateful that things with Renjun were strictly business. You hated small talk, and this dynamic would make things less awkward in the long run. You reach forward and are about to pull him out of his shorts when he stops your wrists short.
“You gotta work me up, baby, not yet,” he explains.
Slow, steady, and sensual. That's how Renjun liked to move. You were getting better at understanding him. He liked it slow, and he liked it when you teased him.
You trailed your hand up and down his thighs; he was only in some sleep shorts, so you teasingly trailed your hand under the fabric and stroked high on his skin. You pushed up the other leg of his shorts as you laid hot kisses against the skin there. You kissed up his thigh and over his bulge that was starting to strain against his shorts. He was bare under, and just the thought alone had your mouth watering. You had to remind yourself to take it slow.
You trail your hand even higher under the fabric of his shorts until you softly grip his length. You kiss him through the fabric as you softly stroke his hard cock. It was right in front of you, and he was refusing you. You had to squeeze your thighs together as you pictured the way you would finally get to shove his cock down your throat. Your grip tightens at the thought, and his soft moans that now flow from his lips tell you that he's ready for more.
You finally slip him out of his shorts and take him into your mouth. You rest the tip against your tongue as you lazily lick him up. You hold his eye contact as you take more and more of him into your mouth. You hum around him in pleasure as his face twists in pleasure.
"Fuck, mmm so pretty. so fucking pretty with your mouth full,” he moans "I could watch you all day, just like that baby, just like that”
You could feel that familiar sense clouding your head; you were sinking again. Your thoughts traveled to that special place, and his words alone made you feel drunk.
Fuck going slow; you needed him down your throat. You pull up to take a deep breath in through your nose and sink down on him again. You take all of him and settle at his base. You look up at him from your position, and you can see his mouth drop open in a silent moan.
He heaves a breath and grips the sheets as you slurp loudly on your way up. You work at his base with a tight fist before sinking back down again. You repeat the motion a few times before you feel his hands collecting your hair up into a ponytail. He uses the makeshift ponytail as a handle to guide you up and down his length. The next time you come down, he holds you still for a few seconds, and you can feel his hips shyly cant up, fucking your throat. You cough hard and smack at his thigh for air. He draws you up, and your wet, tearful eyes meet his. However, a fox returned the stare. The fox he had hidden beneath his sheep's skin was finally showing his teeth.
“Back down, baby, we're going to make you learn tonight,” he says “Open your mouth”
You obey, and he grips your jaw with one hand while the other brushes his length on your lips before lowering you flush against his pelvis. “Come on, take it. Its all yours pretty,” he grunts, fucking your face until he feels your throat tighten again and he pulls you up. “Breathe, come on, baby we got to get that throat fucked out”
And your down again. He pulls you up and holds your head in place as he thrusts shallowly into your mouth and over your tongue. “Hands off, I got you," was another command.
You snake one of your hands down your front as he uses your throat for his own pleasure. He was so deep down your throat that you never wanted him to pull out. You circle your clit a few times as you get lost in your own pleasure.
“Almost there, look at me,” he cries as his hips begin to stutter so close to release. He brings you down again, and his thighs shake. He was about to pull you up, no doubt to finish on your face, but you refused to pull off. You force him to cum deep down your throat.
You pull off swallowing quickly before you start coughing again. You help him ride it out with a few weak pumps of his cock. You watch him catch his breath as he looks at you with nothing but disbelief in his eyes.
“How was that? Was that okay? Was I going to fast-”
He sits up and pushes you back onto the bed. He kisses you deeply and moans at the lingering taste of himself on your tongue.
“How about I show you?” He kisses down your body over your clothes until hes settled between your legs. “Let me show you how that felt, please. Let me make you feel good,” he begs
The look he gives you makes you ruin your panties all over again. You had never had anyone touch you like that before but you trusted him.
“Show me”
You conquered the blowjob and then the blowjob conquered you. After passing out in his room, you snuck out the next morning before his roommates woke up. You didn't plan on seeing him again after this and that left you feeling a bit down. There was no time to dwell on it, though. It made you wonder if Renjun was correct in saying you were moving too fast, since after two positive experiences, you were already thinking about exploring further.
Who would be your next target?
RIDING
Renjun was right. Renjun was 100% right. You needed to slow down.
You wanted to move things along; you were eager to learn more about your own body, so you opted to start small. Well, as little as a 7-inch dildo could be. Although you had never used a toy like this before, you were no stranger to an orgasm. You definitely made yourself come before but you used some shoddy vibrator you got when you were 18 from the back of some edgey store in the mall that had a small adult section.
You had ordered this toy offline and didn't think it would be as big as it was until you got it in the mail. It wasn't super grithy but the stretch still scared you. Maybe you should have listened to the online forums and started small with 4 inches but at the time, 4 inches didn't sound like a lot. That was less than a five-dollar footlong at subway and you were always still hungry after eating one of those. No matter how much lube you used, no matter how aroused you were, you couldn't take it. You will have to try again later.
You had effectively scared yourself back into a corner. You decided to take a break from your “studies” and focus on school and work. Maybe you just weren't ready to leave your comfort zone yet.
Your life returns to normal for a bit; you work, come home, then sleep. You wake up early for class, go to work, then come home and sleep. You wake up early for class, go out with your friends, come home, and then sleep. It was a constant rinse and repeat of the same things. You had hobbies but none of them were as interesting as the one thing plaguing your mind recently.
You needed dick, bad.
Against your better judgement, you eventually hit Renjun up again and you guys meet up a few more times. He'd come over to your house the last few times because he complained about not being able to get his roommates out of the house. You loved pleasing Renjun and he loved pleasing you but his tongue and fingers weren't enough for your greedy pussy anymore. You needed more.
You lay in bed one night after Renjun left, having finished another session with you and even though he had made you cum your pussy was still throbbing for more. You knew if you had asked, he would have given it to you, but you wanted to investigate on your own and conduct your own research before diving headfirst into something like that.
You reach down into your soaked panties and rub at your clit lazily. You squeeze your legs together as your pussy clamps down around nothing. You try to mimic the way Renjun had his fingers shoved knuckles deep in you earlier; you trace at your slit and work in a finger curling it the same way he did. It wasn't enough. You add another one and work yourself up, pumping your fingers pathetically inside and grinding the palm of your hand against your clit. It still wasn't enough, and even adding a third finger still didn't satisfy you. You needed something bigger. You shudder at the thought but pull your fingers out of your dripping cunt. You reach under your bed for your box and set it on your bed before pulling out your new toy.
“Take it slow; just like I taught you,” you repeat his words to yourself.
You line the toy up to your entrance and coat it in your juices. Your about to push it inside when you decide to play it safe and add more lube. Now that the toy is fully coated, you can get comfortable on your back and ease it inside. Your a lot more relaxed this time than when you first tried. Renjun had already made you cum earlier, and you thank him for his services. You slid the tip in and took more and more until it was at least 2/3 inside. You didn't particularly like the rubbery feel of the dildo; you bet Renjun would feel better nuzzled deep inside you. You imagine him inside of you and its like your body opens up and your able to take the rest.
You kick your legs open further, spreading them wider. You don't move for a few seconds, getting used to something being this deep inside of you. You found it hard to pull the toy out, your insatiable core clamping down tight onto it. Your able to find a small, shallow rhythm, barely able to pull it out, your back arching as you fuck yourself. You wriggle as you shove the toy in farther—suddenly, seven inches was not enough. Deeper, that is what you wanted. You would need to find something bigger. You grow close but you can't quite take yourself over the edge. You reached down with your free hand and rubbed at your clit. Your essence coats the toy as you topple over and spill all over it. Your bones are tired and you pray that you can wake up on time in the morning. You drag yourself to the bathroom, clean yourself up, and know that when you finally crawl into bed, you will sleep through all of your alarms.
You spend the following few days getting to know your body. You eventually part with your old toy and get a new vibrator—you choose a wand. Toys are expensive; you had no idea till you went shopping for them. There were a ton of beautiful ones. You ordered a gorgeous pink glass one, for which you were really excited.
The sensation of having something tucked away deep inside you had grown on you, but you still craved more. You could never get over the fact that you were fucking a toy, no matter how lifelike it seemed. You were getting off to plastic when you had already had the real thing at your fingertips once. You were ready for more.
Swiping. You swiped all day long, but no one genuinely intriguing drew your attention. You came to the realization that Renjun was a true blessing. Just as you were about to give up, a promising-looking message appeared on your phone.
The most gorgeous lips you had ever seen were the first thing you noticed. You knew right away that you needed them all over your body; they looked so soft. Although his profile picture was basic, it did not matter because his face was the main attraction. He had very dear-like features and you noticed the moles that dotted his tan skin. Haechan was definitely someone you wanted to get to know.
“I think theres something wrong with my phone”
“???”
“Your number’s not in it”
"Cornball, your getting blocked.”
“Give me a chance!”
His face demanded that you at least give him a chance to speak, and you did. After talking to him for a minute longer, he was charming. You noticed his quick wit and that immediately drew you to him. He was different from Renjun. He was cocky but not in an arrogant way. He had confidence and thats exactly what you needed. You needed someone to talk you through it and teach you how they liked it and haechan seemed like the guy. You give him the same speech you gave Renjun, about you being inexperienced and looking for someone to learn from. Someone to study. You tell him what you want to improve on, and he texts back shortly after
“I’ll have you riding like a pro in no time, trust me”
You trusted him.
He was late and you were growing impatient. You were waiting patiently in your living room for a text from haechan. He was supposed to be coming over tonight; normally, you prefer going to them because you really dont like letting strangers know where you live but it turns out he went to the same university as you so that made you feel a tad bit better. You had dressed in something simple but effective: your favorite lace camI and matching silk shorts. You even took the time to prep yourself before he got there. On the bright side, if he didn't show up, you could finally try out the pink glass dildo that came in the mail a few days ago. A knock at the door shakes you from your thoughts.
Although you were just complaining, now that he's here, you start to get a bit nervous. This was the first time you would be having penetrative sex with anyone. You shuffle over to the door in your house shoes and look through your peep hole. Messy black hair was peeking out from under a hoodie as the figure in front of your door scrolled through their phone. You tentatively open your door, not taking the chain off until you can clearly see his face. He looks up at the sound of the door opening and sends you a grin.
“I don’t bite”
“Thats exactly what someone who bites would say”
“Then you would be right”
You shut the door and take the chain off the hook before opening it fully again and letting him in.
He eyes you up and down, drinking in your figure. You do the same and under the light of your living room, you see him in all his glory. You send a quick prayer up to the tinder gods for blessing you again. He was dressed in grey sweats with a black hoodie pulled over his head but boy was he handsome. You take a daring step forward and push the hoodie off his head before wrapping your arms around his neck. Long black bangs fall into his eyes and the way he pears down at you through them has your legs feeling weak already.
“You gonna be mine for tonight?” he asks sultry
“Just for tonight?” he licks his lips at that.
“Your right, gotta teach you how to fuck me.”
“That could take a while,” you tease.
“Use me for how ever long you need, I’m all yours,” he says
You pull him down, claiming his lips with yours. You pull his hoodie up and he pulls it the rest of the way off before his hands are creeping up your sides.
In all the ways Renjun poured over you, slow and thick, engulfing you whole like honey, Haechan was brisk and jagged, pulling you every which way rapidly like a river as he flowed through you.
You tried to use what Renjun taught you but that wasn't going to fly with Haechan. You had to learn to adapt to Haechan. He didn't like it slow; he liked to move at a quick pace. If you pull away, he is on you, chasing your lips for another taste. If you stumble back, he's gripping you tight and pulling you closer. Haechan had almost a desperate kind of love.
You’re finally able to peel off of him and catch your breath and he wastes no time in moving down your body to your neck, kissing and leaving marks for you to find in the morning. His hands slide down your back and grip your ass. He kneads your plush ass before pulling you closer, your front flush to his. He had backed you up into a wall at this point and you suddenly felt him nudge his leg between yours.
"Are you ready for your first lesson?” He says that as he moves one hand back to your hip, he uses his grip to pull you over his thigh. He grinds you down into the muscle and you shudder at the feeling. ”Just like that baby, that's it.”
You follow his lead and weakly grind your hips into his thick thighs. You could feel everything between the thin fabric of your silk shorts, the fabric dampening at the front and the cold press of the cloth against your clit makes you shiver.
“Like you mean it, come on,” he coos
You pout but grind down harder. You were looking for that praise that Renjun gave you so easily; Haechan was going to make you work for it.
“There we go bear, just like that, thats my girl,” he says, helping you along until you whine for more. You needed more; you loved his thighs but you brought him here to learn how to ride a dick.
"Ready for you to bite," you declare, rolling your hips with assurance.
He tilts his head with a scoff, tongue in cheek. "Suddenly, you can handle it?”
You reach out and pull him to your lips again to shut him up. He continues to grind you down until a patch of your wetness forms against his thigh, until your hips tire and your legs shake.
He can feel your movements grow weaker and he nudges your forehead with his when you drop your head.
“Not so tough are we baby? Gotta work on that stamina,” he grins devishly. you send him a fleeting glare. Oh, he was going to work you out. “fix your face; you asked for this, you wanna learn; you better listen”
You want to argue back but all you can do is slump against his thigh and throw your head back against the wall to catch your breath. Haechan pulls away from you and has to catch you before your legs give out from under you. He leads you over to your couch and sits down. legs spread wide, sitting you on his lap. You straddle his waist and your thighs cramp up.
You groan out and move off to spread your legs out over his thighs, sitting on the couch instead. He snickers at you but works the kink out of your thighs.
"Are you ready to listen now?” he asks and you nod shamfully. “It may look easy but it takes a lot of stamina to ride. You gotta pace yourself, baby.”
You nod and let out a yawn. He had already tired you out and you hadn't even started.
“Don't tap out on me yet; come on just a little more and I'll let you rest,” he urges you back on top of him after properly easing out the tension on your thighs. You reluctantly get back on top and relax into his hold. With a mischievous grin, he sits you squarely on top of his bulge.
“If you can hold out long enough to make me cum, next time I'll let you ride it,” he says, kissing your lips before leaning back against the couch, waiting for your next move. You whine and try to lean forward against his chest. You were tired and if you were going to do this, you needed a clutch but he could see right through you.
“Nu-uh, sit up; you got this.”
You send him a frown but you start to move your hips none the less. You find a rhythm and pace yourself like he instructed. His hands rest on your hips uselessly, making you do all the work. You brace one hand on his shoulder and the other on his knee as you roll your hips into his. He felt so good pressed up against your center. His eyes were hidden behind his bangs and the sight of him leaning up against the sofa, his head resting confidently on the back of the couch, while a lazy smile played at his lips was making you dizzy. You swivel your hips and his breath picks up. You think he's close with the way he grips your hips loosely now. He's biting his lip, urging you to ride faster and push past the pace you set for yourself. He bounces you in his lap shallowly as he fucks up into you.
He has to be so close. He has to be because your thighs are starting to feel that familiar but unfamiliar burn as you lose your momentum again.
“Don't stop, fuck,” he groans.
He was close; you could see it in the way his back arched off the couch slightly, his breath hitched and his eyebrows pinched, but he didn't finish because you collapsed before he could.
Your breathing is heavy. your heaving chest from exhaustion against his heaving chest from exasperation. You had just unknowingly edged him.
“I cant, please,” you cry.
He strokes your back soothingly “You did great today, baby. We have all the time in the world for you to get it right,” he reassures.
and you feel better because he was right
You didn't expect Haechan to take his job so seriously. He was committed to having you ride like a pro by the end of the month at the latest. He sent you exercises to help you build stamina and strength while on top. You did your own research as well and found some good stretches to try because you did not want to cramp up again. You did plenty of at-home exercises and you were feeling really good about your improvements.
You didn't expect the large package that arrived at your door one evening. You surely don't remember ordering anything and when you pull it inside and open the box, your pleasantly surprised. Inside the box sat a teddy bear. The box could barely contain the bear and when you struggled to pull it out, you understood why. The bear was at least 5 feet tall when you laid it out. Deep inside the bottom of the box lies a single card.
For practice <3
—sunny boy
You roll your eyes and dial “sunny boy.” The phone rings and then a voice answers. “Did you get your present?”
“You cant be serious; this thing must have cost a fortune! I appreciate the enthusiasm but you really dont have to do this”
“Friends help friends”
“Do you not get pussy or something?”
“Wierd way of saying thanks but your welcome. Besides, I promised you I’d have you riding in no time,” he says over the line, “FaceTime me; I need to judge your progress”
“Sure you do, pervert”
You send over the FaceTime request and soon you’re looking at the top half of Haechan's face in what you assume to be his bedroom? Aside from his forhead being lit by his phone's light, it was too dark for you to see anything.
“Let me see your pretty face,” you coo
He whines and shifts the camera down more. He was so pretty and you would never get tired of looking at his face. You wish he would stop hiding from you.
“Enough talking, let's see what you got” Straight forward as always. Oh, how you adore him.
"Ok, hold up” You put him in your pocket as you haul the giant teddy to your room and drag it up into your bed. You spend the next few minutes setting up your phone and getting the right angle. You were wearing boy shorts and a tank top, which was nearly identical to what you had on when you first met him.
You suddenly feel shy under the gaze of the camera. You had the front camera facing you so you could still see haechans face and you mounted the teddy and you imagined it was him there under you. You hold his gaze through the lens as you grind down into the toy firmly. You roll your hips sharply and suck in a breath. He watches you intently; you see him rustling about on the screen; you could only imagine what he was doing.
You never thought you could be the dominant type, but when you rode, something clicked, and you loved it. You loved being in control. It felt good to be in charge every once in a while. It was all about you when you were riding.
Your hands travel up the teddy until they wrap around the bear's neck. You held it down in place as you rode it, taking it slow, saving your energy like he taught you. There was no rush when you rode; you controlled the pace. You could hear Haechans muffled moans through the phone and it made your ride a little rougher. Your eyes glaze over as you picture your hands around his pretty neck. You wonder if he would make those pretty noises for you or if he would hide them. Your hips don't stop for a second and you whine at the lack of heat against your skin. Nothing was more satisfying than feeling Haechan's warm body against yours and inhaling his scent. The thought alone had you sticking to your shorts.
“Show me what your doing,” You dont know what overcame you; you could barely recognize the person who spoke those words, even though they came out of your mouth.
A delicious moan tumbles from his lips as he angles his camera down to show his hand working furiously over himself. He angles it so far down that his face is no longer visible, and you instantly miss the sight of his plump lips trapped between his teeth. “Let me see you, baby. All of you”
He tilts the camera back up and the dazed look he sends you has you clenching around nothing. The way his hips thrust into his palm pathetically has you curling over the stuffed animal as you fuck into it repeatedly. Haechan's head falls back as his mouth hangs open in heavy breaths. He finishes over himself with a shudder. You watch him, sitting up a little straighter and slowing down your hips as you catch your breath.
“How was that?” you ask with a smirk
“5 stars”
You were in a good mood, and nothing could stop the excited skip in your step as you walked. Even your friends took notice of your happy demeanor; they didn’t know what had gotten into you but they hoped it was dick. Well, Lele knew and honestly, you were surprised he hadn't gone mouthing off to the others.
You are out running errands with Yuna when you get a call from him. You pick up the call in the middle of the grocery store, following behind Yuna and her buggy.
“Are you ready to hear the best news of your life?” he starts when you answer
You put him on speaker, nudging Yuna to pay attention. She raises a brow, asking who it is without saying a word. "Lele,” you mouth.
“I'm scared,” you finally reply to him. You were in the pet supplies aisle and luckily no one was around. You never knew what could come out of this man's mouth.
“I got you a date with that cute cashier; turns out he's Jisung’s cousin!”
Yuna sends you a shocked look. She grabs the phone from you excitedly “are you talking about the guy who checked us out last week at that thrift store?” she gushes
You and a couple of your friends went thrifting last week, and when it came time to pay, the cutest guy was there to cash you out. You remember looking at his name tag and remembering his name was Mark. Your friends swore he was checking you out, but you ignored them all. The poor guy was probably just trying to do his job, so you left without asking for his phone number.
“Yuna? Are you guys out right now? No invite, wow,” you hear him pouting on the other line
“You want to help Yuna put up twenty bags of groceries? Be my guest,” you complain.
Yuna hated going shopping alone, and choosing who to drag out shopping with her next was like playing Russian roulette.
“Dont change the subject!”
“What? but you did—”
“I gave mark your number and he said he was going to text you so be on the look out!”
You want to be happy. Mark was really cute and he looked so sweet but you still had a hard time connecting with people like that. Before you could answer, Yuna beat you too it.
“Dont worry, I'll be on the look out”
Chenle says something about being late and that he would call later for updates before ending the call. Just when you were giving him props, you should have known he was up to something.
"So, mark huh?” Yuna coos
“I dont know, Yuna, its been awhile since Ive been on a date; i’m really not looking for a relationship right now,” you groan. Your head was spinning with the news. You had a thousand things going through your mind. More stress was not what you needed. You definitely didn't have any time for anyone right now with your studies (not the academic kind) going on.
“Oh please, this iexactlyly what you need! Who said anything about a relationship? Why not just have some fun?”
Funny, it was like those words that started all of this.
You and Mark have been texting on and off for a few days now. He was one of the most down-to-earth people you had ever met, and you had even visited him at work, feigning looking for some scrap fabric for a project for class. You guys had gone on that date that he promised and ever since then, you have grown close with Mark. You wanted to grow closer to him so close that his body was on top of yours.
You weren't ready yet, though; you still had a few things you wanted to learn. You did end up going on a few more dates with him and one night after a few drinks, things got a little handsy. Nothing explicit happened and ultimately you told him you weren't looking for anything serious at the time. He took it surprisingly well and you two have been chill since. He has broached the topic of friends with benefits with you and you had told him you would be down but you haven't brought it up since. You need more time. When you finally have Mark, you want to give him everything and more. You need everything to be perfect.
You would not mess this up, not again.
Haechan was coming over and you were excited that you could finally take him for a test run. You would think you were training for a marathon rather than sex the way he was training you. Unlike last time, he got there perfectly on time. You had made sure to stretch before hand and when he walked through your door, you could barely get a “hi” in before he was picking you up and wrapping your legs around him.
“I've been waiting for you,” he mumbles, his lips pressed against yours. He kicks your door closed and pins you up against it.
“Let me make it worth your while then,” you call back and wrap your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair.
Haechan's kisses make you feel like you were drowning; he stole your breath like water replaces air in your lungs. It was like how waves rocked you peacefully in their embrace until you realized you needed to come up for air. You never wanted to come up for air.
Soon you were on your back, spread out in your bed with him on top of you. His hands were everywhere and he finally took pity on you and pulled away, letting fresh air fill your burning lungs. His kisses move to your neck as skilled hands undress you. You were getting lost in his touch and when you felt your mind slip into that place you sometimes went, that submissive headspace, you knew you had to snap out of it. Tonight was supposed to be your rodeo, not his. You were almost completely naked, save for your panties and he was still fully clothed. You raise yourself onto your elbows, watching him as he kisses you down your body. He kisses your navel before peeking up at you. You grab hold of his hair, pulling him back up to reconnect your lips. You use your lips to distract him before you push him down and flip your positions.
You straddle his waist and brace yourself on his chest. You smile in victory but all Haechan does is adjust the pillow behind his head before resting his hands beneath it. That stubborn smirk—let's see how long it takes you to whip that grin off his face.
“Im ready when you are sweetheart”
The first roll off your hips speaks for itself. Slow and firm. You wanted to make him feel it. You can feel him pressing heavily through the fabric of his sweats and you can feel yourself clenching at the thought of him filling you up later. You grind your clothed pussy against him, gripping his shirt in your fist as you work your hips over top of him. The smirk falters a bit as he huffs out a breathy sigh. He's good at taking what you give him; he just lies there and lets you use him, just like you used the stuffed animal he gave you.
“How am I doing so far?”
“So good,” he says off-handedly, more focused on the way your hips move. You smiled; it was time to give him more.
You slid off of him and he groans at the loss of heat. You help him out of his clothes and he lies before you naked. Your eyes examine his body and you moan at the sight of him. His dick was almost as pretty as his face. You had enough waiting; you wanted him inside. You mount his hips again and line him up with your entrance, coating the tip in your slick.
“Keep your hands right there; I don't need your help.” You instruct him to keep his hands gripped in the sheets. You wanted to show him you could ride it all by yourself.
“Fuck me,” he moans impatiently, his hips pushing up slightly, trying to slip through your folds.
"Are you sure there are no other tips you want to give me?” you tease
“I'm trying to give you mine if you would sit down,” he groans.
You grab the base of his length and sink down on top of him. You were so wet, he slipped in easily. You were flush against him—hips against hips. You had to take a few moments to collect your thoughts. He felt so good inside of you. You had never felt so full before; no toy could ever match the feeling of having Haechan stuffed inside of you. You were going to use him until he broke. You steady yourself over his chest again and lift your hips slowly, savoring the drag of him against your walls. You look into his eyes and his brows furrow at the feeling. You drop back down on him harshly. Your thighs tingled in the pleasure but they didn't burn; the exercises had paid off. You set a brutal pace on top of him as you use him. You had practically forgotten he was even there for a second until his loud moans filled the room. You had grabbed a hold of his cheeks, pushing his face into the pillow. You felt an upkick at your hips and you looked down to see his hips thrusting up into yours. You caught his rhythm and matched his pace, giving him everything he gave you in return. You let up on him and gave him space to breathe. His hands are at your waist the next moment and he's gripping tight, helping you fuck onto him.
“Don't stop, please. Let me do this; I need it,” he begs before his feet are planted on the bed and he's using all his force to pound into you from below. Your mouth drops open and you have to brace yourself on his chest again so you don't fall off. Your hands slip up a little farther and they encompass his neck beautifully. He lay under you, moans tumbling out of his mouth, his hair messy on his forehead, his tan skin damp with sweat and when your hands grip his neck, you think the image it creates against him should be a painting.
Your eyes daze and your mind slips but this time you don't go to that place that makes you want to give everything up to your last breath. This place is different. This place makes you feel bold and makes you want to take and take until Haechan trembles. This place makes you feel powerful.
“Fu-fuck baby, please,” he gasps, his eyes rolling to the back of his head breathlessly “Give it to me; fucking use me. Hurt me,” he whimpers the last part. You completely snapped. You don't know who you are; you don't know what this headspace is but it craves the tears that fall down Haechan's face pathetically.
“Hold still,” you say, pushing at his knees and motioning for him to lay back down flat. You wanted complete control. Your grip tightens and your hips roll sharply over his. So deep, everything feels so much; you feel everything at once and you’re certain your soaking Haechan’s lap. Only now do your thighs burn but now the ache adds to the pleasure. Your so focused on your own pleasure that your grip loosens and as the air rushes back into Haechan's lungs, he feels a high like no other and his orgasm crashes into him. His thighs shake and he orgasms deep inside of you. After a few more harsh flicks of your hips, you cum hard, sending a shiver down your spine.
You had previously discussed it because he would be the first person you would have inside of you. You had already been on birth control for some time and you had both been checked. You wanted to stay protected. Your not sure if he took your virginity or if you took his with how dazed he looked under you.
"Look who couldn't handle it” you brag smugly.
“Of course, your amazing. I taught you.”
“So you like being used? You smile, lying down next to him to catch your breath “intersting”
“Don't push your luck; I'll still fuck you better. Make you forget your name.” you core clenches at the thought and you remind yourself to take him up on that eventually
You pack your things, signaling the end of your English lecture. You exit the class with a yawn, having almost fallen asleep during the last half of the class. your walking across campus when you hear a voice call your name. You see Mark a few yards behind you. It turns out Mark also attended your college but only part time so you rarely saw him on campus. You return his smile and you are about to walk over to him when you see another figure moving towards you.
Renjun? you hadnt seen him in awhile; you had been keeping it casual with him. He goes here too?? Just when you think it can't get any worse, Haechan rounds a corner and spots you too. You had ghosted him after the last time you two hooked up. you did not want to confront him right now.
There is absolutely no way you just ran into all your hoes at the same time.
You turn around and flee the scene before anyone can approach you further. You’re speed-walking in the opposite direction now when you run into Chenle and Yuna. “Ask questions later for now, run!” you say, pulling them along.
You don't stop dragging them until you make it to your car. Safe and sound inside, you lock the door and catch your breath. “What the hell was that about you? You looked like you saw a ghost” Chenle tries to calm his breathing, adjusting his signiture shades back into place.
“Was it Mark? I thought I saw him over there. Did something happen between you two?” Yuna asks, letting the passenger seat fall back to lay down and settle her own breaths.
You wish there was something going on between you and Mark, but nothing has happened since the last time you saw him.
“No, not mark, it was something else…or someones else”
“someones?” she questions
You hated keeping things from your friends; you hadn't meant to keep it from them for this long but you had gotten so caught up in everything that you barely had the time to catch them up to speed. You explain everything. From Renjun to Haechan and to the new guy you recently found, Jaemin. You had moved study subjects already and you felt a little bad for ghosting Haechan like you did after all the effort he put into teaching you but with Mark as your end goal, you were really impatient to get to him.
The car is silent for a few moments, mainly from Yuna’s shock, before she finally decides to speak up. “How in the world did you go from being scared of the thought of dick to getting more dick than me?”
“That's what your worried about!”
“If you don’t want them, give them to me”
“YUNA!”
“Joking! I’m joking”
You feel a weight lifted from your shoulders now that you were able to tell Yuna how your life has really been going and what you’ve really been doing. Honeslty, you were getting really sick of replying with “nothing” anytime anyone would ask.
“Wait, why aren't you surprised” Yuna asks Chenle suspiciously.
oh my—
“You did not tell him before me!” Yuna narrows her eyes at you.
“She definitely did,” Chenle smiles.
“You traitor!”
“You know how he is! He practically threatened my family,” you say in defense.
You had no tint on your windows so to any onlookers, it probably looked like you guys were having a really heated argument. Everyone was talking at once and fingers were being pointed. The three of you continue to bicker until you hear a knock at your window and the car goes silent as everyone turns to look out the window.
Mark is standing outside your car nervously. “Is everything okay?” His muffled voice barely carries into the car. You roll your window down with a forced smile. This was perfect.
“How can I help you, officer?” You joke.
“I’m sorry, you just ran off earlier and I just wanted to, like, make sure you were ok.” he says, scratching at his face nervously.
“We’ll let you two talk,” Yuna says with a fake smile. Her and Chenle exit the car but not before she sends you a glare that says this isn't over.
After they left, you offered Mark a seat in your car. “Im sorry, I didn't like... interrupt. Did I?” he says awkwardly.
“Oh no, your fine. I’m sorry for earlier; I just realized I had forgotten something in my car. I needed it for my next class” You lie.
“Okay, thats good to hear. I thought you were like avoiding me for a second,” he laughs. “Your really cool and I don’t want what I said about being friends with benefits to ruin our relationship. We dont have to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable ”
“That's not it at all! I really like you, mark I've just been a little...busy lately. I like the idea of being friends with benefits. Just give me some more time. I can’t really explain now,” you say.
Out of all the conversations you wanted to avoid, this was definitely the one you wanted to avoid the most. You had no idea how to navigate this conversation. You wanted Mark so badly that it was driving you crazy but you just needed time. You were so close to the finish line that you couldn’t give up now.
“That’s cool, I get it.” He gives you a nod of understanding and he gets ready to leave, moving to open the door with a quick bye, probably needing to get to his next class. You wanted to leave him with something. You had to do something to hold you both over so you didn’t stop the next words that came out of your mouth.
“Before you go, can I have a kiss?” you ask sweetly. Mark just smiles at you and shakes his head fondly before leaning in and sealing your lips with his.
THE HANDJOB
It was probably a little too late in the game for you to be trying this but somehow your quick pecks turned into heavy petting. Now you had Mark’s dick in your hands. Mark was kissing hotly into your nouth as you stroked him slowly. You twist your hand at the base of his cock, focusing most of your attention there. After a few moments, you feel Mark’s hips shift and buck into your grasp. His hand joins yours and guides your hand higher.
“Don't tease. Please, I need you,” he breathes into your mouth.
When you sucked dick, your hand typically pumped the base. You would concentrate your attention on the areas that your mouth couldn’t reach. Without your mouth focused on the tip, you would have to make up for the lack of contact. You appreciate the information; every moment is a learning opportunity for you. Even now, you were able to gather data for your research.
You follow his lead and stroke the length of his length, twisting your wrist when you get to his tip. Mark's head falls back and rests against the headrest of the car. You pray no one's eyes wander to your small sedan because, from the faces Mark was pulling, they would no doubt know what was going on.
Mark's face scrunches up in pleasure and after a few more firm strokes over his cock, he cums. His seed pours messily over your fist. By the end of it, your arm was a little tired but it was definitely worth it.
He gives you a shy smile and apologizes. You reach over with your clean hand and get some napkins from your glove compartment. You assure him one last time that you definitely want to be more than just friends with him and that you will let him know when you’re ready. He left the car with a smile and your glad to have taken care of that because you were late to go meet Jaemin. There was still more you wanted to learn. There were more things you needed to experiment with.
SIZE
You had actually met Jaemin at a cafe. He sat at the table in front of you, glasses pushed up on his nose as he typed away at his computer. His white hair made him stand out and gave him a soft, rabbit-like appearance but there was something about his face that made him look devastly charming and boyish but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. He quickly stops typing and you notice that he is staring back at you. He sends you a smile and you return it awkwardly.
Fumbling the bag—I repeat, you are FUMBLING the bag.
You try your best to avoid his gaze again until you finish your own classwork and collect your things. Your leaving the cafe when you notice him in your peripheral vision, trying to get your attention. You thought he was going to tell you off for staring like some creep but he handed you his number instead. Fast forward; now you have a dick appointment.
After some talking and explaining, you give him your usual spiel. You were supposed to meet up with him today right after class but a few setbacks made you late. You finally arrive at the location he had specified, and you are immediately perplexed.
This was Renjun's apartment.
You walk up the familiar steps and hesitantly knock on the door. Your so used to Renjun opening the door that when Jaemin opens it, your slightly taken aback. What the hell was going on?
“Hey, come on in,” he says as you stand there stiff as a board. You shake yourself out of it and step through the door.
“I'm sorry I was late. Something came up,” you apologize.
“Its fine, my roomates are going to be out for the night so we have the house to ourselves for awhile,” he smiles at you. Just looking at that dazzling smile makes you forget about your internal dilemma.
You would worry about that later; tonight it was just you and this handsome stranger you met.
He leads you to his bedroom and you can't help but notice his room is directly across from Renjuns. You would definitely need a list of his roommates because you refused to find yourself in this situation again. The thought slips from your mind as Jaemin pulls you into his room and shuts the door.
“Are you okay, angel? You look a little shaken up?” he asks attentively.
"No, its ok, im just stressed about classes. I’m hoping you could help me relax?” you lie smoothly.
He gives you a sly smile and you hold your breath as he leans down to whisper in your ear. “You wont be able to think straight when I’m done with you”
You suck in a breath and your body completely opens up to him as his hands tentatively trail up your waist. He strokes your sides teasingly as he kisses the sides of your mouth before trailing his lips down your neck. His touch was light and soft, like you were a porcelain doll. You try to reach up and hold on to him but he just pulls away slightly and shakes his head.
"Nu-uh, baby hands to yourself until I say otherwise,” he corrects you.
You pout and open your mouth to protest but he grabs your face and holds you in his grasp. “Big girls don’t talk back. Fix your face,” he commands
You swallow nervously and nod your head. He kisses your lips once “Thats my girl”
He took his time mapping out your body with his hands. He was in no rush at all and you had to bite your tongue to hold back your whines. His hands gripped your ass, squeezed your hips, traced your spine and palmed your chest. He examined you with the same curiosity that a child does with a new toy or a scientist does with a new test subject. The tables had been turned. You weren't the one with the magnifying glass now; he was.
He helped you out of your clothes and you stood in front of him in only your underwear. He turns you away from him before pulling you back against him, your back to his chest. He hooks his chin over your shoulder and you can feel him bulging against his sweatpants. He was huge and the smirk you felt against your neck told you he knew how to use it. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought and when his hands return to your skin, you let out a moan. His hands spread out over your stomach; they were cold to the touch. You arch against him, pushing your hips backwards into his. He sucks in a breath and grips your hips. He holds them firmly before he pushes his clothed length into your ass, grinding against you from behind with a groan. You feel your panties soak up the feeling. You weren't sure if you could take something that big but you would sure put up a fight trying.
One hand travels down over your panties stroking you through the fabric. He coos at you as he feels how wet you are. He pats against the seat of your panites and sure enough, you’re wet enough that your panties make a soft, wet noise upon contact.
“Is that for me, angel? "Are gonna drip down my cock when I split you open?” he asks with a lazy smile. The things that came out of his mouth never matched the look on his face. He would say the most toe-curling thing so casually with a smile that you would think he was telling you about the weather. Your chest is heaving at this point. You had never played like this before. Was this what he meant when he said he was a dom?
“Answer me when I'm talking to you, baby. You wanna be my good girl, right?” You whine and nod pathetically. You would do anything for his praise. “Then speak up”
“Its all yours,” you say breathlessly, hoping that's what he wanted to hear.
He dips his hand past the waistband of your panties and circles your clit while his other hand holds firmly onto your hips. You throw your head back against his shoulder. He strokes over your slit teasingly before slipping two fingers inside, one after another. Your hips immediately buck up against his palm, or at least they try to but he has you pinned effectively against his hips.
“Dont fucking move; dont fucking make a sound. Just take it,” he rummbles in your ear “Take it”
His knuckles-deep and all you can do is bend yourself forward, trying to escape his grasp but he follows and fucks into you faster. You cry out, your thighs shaking as he curls an arm under your shoulder, using his leverage to pull you back against his firm chest. “Come on baby, if you can’t handle this, you won’t be able to take me,” he says sweetly.
He hooked his fingers cruelly and you collapsed against him, orgasm whracking through your body. He held your trembling form up like it was nothing. He picks you up and throws you on the bed. You were still in shock as you lay there, catching your breath, your legs still shivering. He held your eye contact form where he stood at the foot of the bed and grabbed the back of his shirt before pulling it over his head swiftly. As he stood in front of you, you saw him for what he really was: he was no rabbit, he was a demon, and you were a fool. He didn't treat you like a porcelain doll; that was just the calm before the storm.
He puts one knee on the bed, starting off towards you and you subconsciously scoot backwards. He sends you that devilish smile and grabs your ankle, pulling you back down the bed until your thighs bracket his hips.
“Where you running to, angel?” he says
You try to close your legs around him; the press of his hips against yours is already to much.
“Open your legs,” he says patiently. You shake your head defiantly, even though the command makes you even wetter.
He runs a hand through his hair and breathes an exhausted sigh. He pries your legs open, pinning them down as he leans forward over you. He uses a hand to grip your face and pushes his hips deep into yours, pinning them down from squirming. “I don’t like playing with brats so your either going to listen the first time I tell you to do something or I’m going to have to break you in,” he warns.
Your heart was beating out of your chest at his words. This was definitely not the same guy with the nerdy glasses you met in a cafe.
You nod your head in understanding.
“Use your big girl words,” he says with a peck of your lips.
“Yes sir,” you say. A pleased smile dances on his lips.
“You learn fast,” he praises. That you do.
He captures your lips in the first real kiss of the night and you moan into his mouth as his tongue snakes its way past your lips. You roll your hips up into his and he allows it as he shoves his tongue down your throat. The kiss was messy and lazy. You pull back to plead, “Please, I need to touch you. Please let me touch you”
He waits a moment, like hes thinking about it but he nods and pulls you back into another heated kiss. Being with Jaemin was extremely intimate; he worshiped your body as if it were his only purpose in life. His kisses were dangerous and claiming. He marked your body like you belonged to him and tonight you did.
You rake your hands down his spine, nails digging into his skin as your back arches against him. It was too much yet not enough at the same time. “I need you,” you beg.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve been good for you.”
“Thats right, baby, you have been really good,” he nuzzles at your neck affectialanty “but I need you to be sure”
“Im positive, I want you”
Jaemin kisses you assuringly and pulls down the sweatpants that still clung to his hips. He must not have been wearing any underwear because the heavy sound of his length slapping against his abdomen fills the room.
Your eyes trail down his body until they reach the sight in between his legs. You take in the leaking tip of his pretty pink cock and the veins that adorn the sides. That thing was supposed to fit inside you. Never in a million years would you have imagined that death by dick could be an option in your life.
“Don't worry baby, we’ll make it fit,” he says. He grips the base of his cock and strokes it a few times before lining it up over the top of your belly. It nudged over your navel tauntingly. "I'm going to fill you up until I get here." he says, tapping the length of his cock on your stomach.
No amount of study could have prepared you for this. You came up completely blank on the idea of how this would even possibly fit. He notices the nervous look on your face and kisses your forehead. “Relax, I got you.”
The tension in your shoulders relaxes a little at the comment. Jaemin seemed like he knew what he was doing. You trusted him enough.
He gives you a moment to collect your thoughts as he pulls away from you, going to retrieve a condom from his bedside table. You take the moment to steady your beating heart and prepare yourself. When he comes back to you, he has a bottle of lube and a condom already wrapped around his cock.
“Are you ready?” he asks finally
"Yes,” you breath nervously.
He uncaps the lube and takes your hand, pouring some in your palm and then some over his length. He guides your hand to his length and you stroke the cold substance over him. You coat him in the lube and your grateful for the quick lesson you had with Mark earlier. You know just how to twist your wrist to get a reaction out of him. He groans softly and lets you have your fun before he pulls your hand away. He lines his cockhead up to your entrance and traces through your folds, nudging at your clit in the process. You moan impatiently. He sends you a frigid look through the fringe of his white bangs, instantly putting you in your place.
You pout but wait patiently as he eases his tip through your folds. Ok, this was fine. This was good. He fucks you with his tip pulling out before pushing his way back in. He fists his cock, coating it in the slick that drips from your cunt. You relax under his ministrations, completely letting him take the lead as he works you up with just the head of his dick. You can tell he must be holding back and you appreciate it.
He continues like this for a while before slyly slipping more and more inside of you each time. You’re at the two-thirds mark before you notice the stretch. You face pinching up in pain and your hands immediately find purchase on his hips, a plea for mercy. Jaemin stills inside of you and takes your hands into his own. His touch was delicate and he brought your hands to his lips. He kisses your fingertips before he kisses your palm. He was giving you whiplash with how gentle yet rough he could be sometimes. He kisses down your arm and up your shoulder. He presses kisses into your neck and over your lips. When he finally pulls away,looking down at you with a smile, you realize that somewhere between his barrage of kisses, he slipped the rest of the way inside.
“Look at you, wasn’t that easy”
You just stare back up at him in shock. That was not as bad as you thought it would be; you could still feel a slight lingering discomfort from the stretch but that was soon melting away.
He kisses the confused wrinkle in your brow “just relax baby. Now that the hard part is over, leave the rest up to me”
He pulls his hips back and works them forward experimentally. You shift at the stretch but you handle it well. He massages your thighs as he thrusts into you at a lazy pace, taking it easy and giving you enough time to fully accommodate his length. He hit so deeply inside that you could hardly catch a breath. Your body was hyperaware of every drag against your core and every nuge against your cervix and it craved more. You wrap your legs tight around his waist as you urge him to give you more.
Jaemin ignores your pleas and continues the rythme that he has created so far. You roll your hips, impatiently clawing down his chest in retaliation.
“I'm trying to stay nice angel. Take what I give you” What he was giving you wasnt enough and if he thought you were dumb enough to not notice him holding himself back, he was wrong.
“Don’t fuck me like that”
“Careful angel”
“I can handle it”
"Behave,” he says, gripping your face. He pulls out until only his tip remains and thrusts back in harshly. You scream in pleasure at the snap of his hips. That was what you were looking for; you needed to be broken in. If you wanted to get what you wanted, you needed to disobey.
“Fuck you,” you spit
“Watch your mouth,” one final warning.
“Fuck.You,” you say slowly, making sure he hears every syllable.
Something takes over him. You can see it through the dark gaze in his eyes. Rough hands pull you halfway off the bed, suspended hips held tight in his grasp as he pounds into you. You can’t even scream; your voice is caught in your throat as he uses the grip he has on your hips to slam you onto his cock. Each brutal thrust of his hips sounds off with a harsh clap of skin. Your back arches dangerously off the bed and you almost slip the rest of the way off if it weren't for one of his hands pushing down on your sternum, pinning you to the bed.
“Is this what you want? You wanted it so fucking bad.”
He pulls out and your body compulses at the lack of contact. Your being manhandled off the bed, legs almost giving out from under you but Jaemin swiftly turns you, bending you over before pushing you flat on your stomach. He kicks your legs open further, opening you up for him before he finds your entrance again. You are grateful for this position because when the tears fall from your eyes and your saliva soaks his sheets, you dont have to worry about him seeing how pathetic you look. You hide your face in the sheets, crying out in pleasure. Your body cant keep up and overstimulation kicks in. You’re vibrating, literally, as you tremble in your spot under him.
His body leans over your back and you feel the heat of his body press into you as he continues to pound you into the mattress. His hand slips under you and circles your clit gently, knowing its already too much for you and just wanting to add a little extra to take you over the edge. You can't help the scream that bubbles out of your throat as you cum hard. Everything is black for a little bit and when you finally come to, all you can feel is your own wetness and release sticking to your thighs. Your empty and when you turn to look over your shoulder, Jaemin is stroking over your ass and soon that too is covered in cum.
You could hardly hold your head up anymore as it fell back down limply on the bed. You feel a rag clean you up but you refuse to open your eyes. You hear the sounds of a bath being run, and the next thing you know, your sitting in Jaemin's lap in the tub as he cleans the two of you. Your head laying lazily on his shoulder as he soaped you up and wiped you down. You know he lays you down in his sheets and when your head hits the pillow, you fall asleep.
When you wake up, the sun shines in your eyes as you roll on your side groggily. Your body was sore all over and you felt like you had died and come back to life. Maybe you should have stretched before testing Jaemin's patience. Speaking of which, you notice the oversized shirt adorning your body as you shift to get out of bed. You look around and notice your clothes have been neatly folded on his dresser. You stand and it takes every fiber in your body not to wince every time you take a step. You can still feel his phantom touch as the events of the night before replay in your mind. It was so worth it. You finally make it over to your clothes and notice the note sitting on top of them.
Had to leave for class. Grab breakfast on the way out ;)
One word kept replaying in your head. out. Somehow, you had to navigate your way out of this godforsaken wolves den without running into Renjun or any of his other roomates. You hoped and hoped that they didn’t make it back yet or that they had some class to go to, but when you hold your breath and press your ear up against the door, you can hear a few muffled voices. You could make out the voices of two people; one was Renjun for sure and the other was familiar but you couldn’t put your finger on it.
You were so fucked
You contemplate scaling the window but after looking at the 3-story drop, you decide against it. You try to wait it out, gambling on them just going back to their rooms but it sounds like they started up a videogame in the living room. Your pacing Jaemin’s room, completely forgetting about the ache between your legs. Your about to finally pull Jaemin’s shirt from over your head and put your own clothes back on when you have an idea. You pull open his closet and snag one of his hoodies off of a hanger. You find a pair of matching sweats in one of his drawers and tug those on as well. They didn't fit your frame well but that worked in your favor, with the baggy fabric helping to hide your shape. You pull up the hood and grab your things. If you move fast enough, they shouldn't be able to recognize you; they would no doubt see you, but at least they would just lump you in with any other random girl Jaemin brought home.
1…2…3
You pull open the door and peek your head out into the hall. The coast was clear; you held on tight to the sweatpants slowly falling off your hips and booked it to the front door. You pass the kitchen on your way out and your stomach almost growls at the food Jaemin had left out for you. You have half the mind to swoop in and snatch it but you keep trucking. You pass the living room in a heart beat. You quickly unlock the door, letting yourself out. The last thing you heard before the door closed behind you was, “What the fuck was that? Did you just see that?”
STAMINA
Maybe this was your karma. You had evaded Mark for another week and Chenle wouldn’t let you hear the end of how much Mark had looked like a “kicked puppy.”. You liked Mark, and you really did want to get closer to him in more ways than one, but that was why you had to do this. The last guy you really liked up and left you because you didn’t know how to suck dick... and threw up on him, but thats besides the point. The point is that you didn't want to lose Mark; you were scared to lose Mark, even over something as trivial as this. So you went back on the hunt.
The tinder gods were not looking down on you anymore because every match that came back just didn't make the cut. There were so many weirdos on the app that you were surprised you even got as far as you did. You would have to do the search by foot.
You would scout the courtyards and hallways in between classes, hoping to find your next target, but it was difficult to find what you were looking for. You were searching for stamina, not something that could be seen with the naked eye. Haechan's training helped you a lot, but you were looking for the kind of stamina that would carry you through multiple rounds. You needed someone to practice cum control with.
It was hot outside, and you were exhausted. You were almost late for your last class when someone ran into you. "Sorry, excuse me," the girl replied before scurrying away again.
"Wait!” you call out to her. She had dropped something—a keychain—from her gym bag. “You dropped this,” you say. She turns around and jogs back over.
She quickly thanks you for the keychain and says, "Sorry, I’m in a hurry. I didn’t mean to bump into you. I’m late for track." She then jogs over to the track and field facility. Your about to brush off the interaction when an idea suddenly comes to your head.
Who has more stamina than a long-distance track star?
You find a seat in the stands and observe the combined practices of the men's and women's track teams. You watched as they stretched and did warm ups and you finally found him. In his track suit, he was tall and slender. Although his waist was delicate, it only accentuated his broad shoulders and well-defined biceps. His short, dark hair was cropped close and clung to his forehead from perspiration.
"Jeno, You’re up on the 200-yard dash," yells one of the coaches. and all of a sudden, your mystery man is making his way to the starting blocks. So his name was Jeno.
You head down the stands, happy with your findings, when you hear someone talking about a party that will take place after today's track meet. You didn't know how but you would find a way to that party. Luckily for you, you knew someone who happened to know just about everyone.
“Please Jisung, I need to get into that party!” you beg your friend.
“Then go by yourself,” your friend huffs in annoyance.
You have been friends with Jisung for awhile now. Jisung just had the type of personality that allowed him to fit into any friend group. Everyone adored him. You had to be a nobody if you didn't know Park Jisung. Even though his reputation precedes him, he's actually really laid-back and easy to talk to.
“I don’t know anyone there!” you whine from your seat perched up on his desk in his dorm room.
“Then why do you even want to go” Chenle interjects from his spot on his bed as he scrolls through his phone, playing videos out loud obnoxiously like an old man.
“Its for science,” you state.
“Funny, because thats what im trying to study for,” jisung says sarcastically, “I need to finish my assignments. I dont have time to go out”
A beat of silence passes while you contemplate your next bargaining chip. “I'll do it for you”
Jisungs head snaps up from his textbook “Uh?”
“Come on, I’m like a genius. I’ll finish it for you if you come with me tonight,” you bargain
“This science you speak of doesn't have anything to do with your little outings, does it” Chenle says. He didn't have to specify which outings for you to get it.
“What outings?” Jisung peeks over at his roommate.
“Deal or no deal?” You hurry and try to change the subject; you didn't need poor Jisung to find out you were fucking around to eventually fuck his cousin. Everything leading up to that would probably just end up confusing him.
Pushing back from his desk and letting you take over, he said, "Knock yourself out." You knew those years of drowning your self in your studies to get over heart break would not be in vain
You arrive at a house a little ways off campus. The party was already raging and you were a little upset that you didn’t come to get absolutely wasted. Jisung parked his car on an off-street and walked beside you as you approached the house.
“I might disappear for a little bit tonight but don’t leave without me,” you advise him.
He bemoans, "Make sure you keep your ringer on; you never answer." He hated it when people split up from him at parties, but he was prepared. Chenle told him that you were trying to meet someone tonight.
Once inside, you waste no time in finding the kitchen. You weren't planning on getting wasted, but you at least needed a little liquid courage if you were going to talk to the Greek god you saw earlier. You and Jisung knock a few shots back until you start to feel the buzz. You stick to his side as he introduces you to a few of his friends, and you engage in small talk until you finally see Jeno walk through the front door.
Jeno had finally shown up and he looked even more delectable outside of his track uniform. He was wearing an open flannel over a dark shirt, adorned with a silver necklace. He wore some light-washed jeans that had a few rips and holes in them. He was like he jumped straight out of a boyfriend pin board. You felt a little creepy watching him over the rim of your red solo cup. You finish off your drink and part ways with your small group. Hes walking into the kitchen and you follow behind him.
“Hey, your Jeno, right?” you call out to him. He looks up from the drink he's pouring and sends you a friendly smile. You don’t miss the way his eyes look you up and down.
“Whats up?” he replies, taking a swig from the mixture he poured.
“I watched your track practice today; did you run the 200? Your really good,” you say honestly
“Thank you; do you run too?” he asks, keeping the conversation flowing.
Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was your impatience but you can’t find it in you to care about easing your way into the question. “I don’t actually, but i’m actually doing a study on endurance and stamina I was hoping you could help me with that”
“Oh yea? What class is the project for?”
“No class, just my own personal studies”
“On endurance and stamina?”
“Yes”
It takes a moment for the gears in his head to start spinning
“Oh…oh!”
"I can give you my number; just text me if you’re interested," you say, pulling out a piece of paper with your phone number on it. You had written it down earlier, knowing that a pen would be impossible to find at a college party.
He takes it from you and stares you down for a moment, his heavily lidded eyes raking over your frame again. "I'll let you know." You don't need to look to know that he's staring at your ass when you turn to walk away.
He texts you before the night is even over but you don't respond until the morning. You let him know the exact details of the “stamina training” you had in mind and he agreed to your terms and conditions. You plan to hook up the following day; this was the last thing you needed to perfect, and you were excited. That day had come in no time and now you were fresh out of the shower, waiting for the fateful knock on your door.
You had no time to prepare for this session, and you honestly didn’t know how to. How does one develop a resistance to pleasure, and how does one avoid the one thing you seek when satisfying oneself? Hopefully Jeno had the answers, and if he didn't, hopefully he helped you find them.
Your fixing your hair and making sure everything is laid neatly when you hear a faint knock on your door. You look at yourself one last time in the mirror before going to open your front door. Jeno stands infront of your door with a small smile and you let him in. At this point, you were used to the awkward small talk and embarrassing attempts at flirting. You wasted no time in pulling him towards you. His hands instantly find your waist. You’re so close, you notice the cute mole he has under his eye. He stares back at you, his eyes round like puppy dogs. You pull him back into a slow kiss. Today there was no rush; it was all about resistance.
Once you get your fill of his lips, you pull away again and lead him to your bedroom. You kick your door closed and pull him down on top of you on your bed. “No matter how much I beg, dont let me cum,” you warn him
“Who says I was going to let you cum?” he teases back before he meets your lips again.
You smiled into the kiss; you were going to like this one. You wondered what type of role he would play when darkness wrapped around you both in its cool, sensual embrace. Would he let you take control like you did with Haechan? Would he be as strict as Jaemin, keeping you in your place or would he be laid back like Renjun? Guiding you and willing to relent some of the control to you if you ask. His firm body pins you down under him, and he kisses you hotly before ghosting his lips down your neck teasingly. His hands snake their way up your shirt and he explores the skin exposed there before pushing it up and over your chest. He lays sweet kisses over the top of your breast, not yet ready to part with the image of you wrapped in the lace that was your bra. Your impatient so you sit up on your elbows to help him get you out of your shirt. You pull your shirt over your head, and you scoot a little out of his embrace to pull down your shorts. Jeno takes the hint and strips himself bare, except for his briefs. When your done, he pulls you back under him and gets you settled again. You can feel him pressing hot against your skin. You had barely just met him, but something about the way Jeno kissed you and touched you—the way he paid attention to your body—was so intimate. The little sounds you would make when he nips at your skin. The way you bite your lips when he licks your sweat-prickled skin unabashedly. He watches it all, doing his own little research to learn just what you like. You weren't sure at first, but Jeno was a lover boy. Even though you weren’t his, he would love you like you were.
Hes already slipping his hands into your underwear and the moans that slip out of your lips are sinful. He rubs your clit in soothing circles, spreading your juices so he can slip inside and open you up. His other hand slips behind your back and finally removes your bra so he can suckle on your nipples and massage your chest.
“Fuck Jen, I need more, please,” you whine
“You better be able to take what you ask for,” He warns.
He finally slips 2 fingers inside of you and begins to pump them leisurely. You grip the hair at the back of his neck and pull him back to your lips. You needed to drown out the sounds you were about to make when you felt his thick fingers stretch you out. His hands were warm; they warmed your entire body as they worked in tandem to bring you high. Deeply curled fingers had your back arching as you moaned in to his open mouth. He swallowed down all your sounds as he huffed his own into your mouth. He was grinding down shallowly into one of your thighs as he lay on top of you. The length of him rubbing against you gave you a good idea of what you would be working with tonight and you were happy for your lessons with Jaemin because Jeno was definitely going to split you in two. That thought alone had your thighs clamping against his wrist and your hands gripping on to him, anywhere you could reach.
“You there, baby? Fight through it. You got it. Come on,” he said, speaking with a soft bass in his voice.
“Im gonna cum,” you choke out every part of your body, lighting up with pleasure that you can't snuff out.
His fingers slow but they don't stop completely. He lets up, willing you to calm down. You feel your orgasm slowly slip away and the feeling that was left afterwards was something close to desperation. Your legs are spread wide as you roll your hips up onto his fingers, urging him deeper. You pull him impossible closer to your body. His fingers pick up their pace again and it feels like you have grown 100 times more sensitive because this time it takes little to no time for the waves that crash against you and lap at your stomach to finally drown you out. Jeno can feel the way you tense up in his hold and he pulls away completely this time.
“No, please, this is driving me crazy,” you cry
“Come on, baby your doing so good,” he says, kissing your pout
Your body is still tingling with the traces of your lost orgasm but you manage to calm down as Jeno passes his hands against your skin soothingly. Stroking your sides and stomach lazily until you settle.
“What if we try something else?” he suggests after another minute of gazing at you.
“Like what?”
"Well, if you find it difficult to hold back your orgasm, why not just let it go?”
“I'm not following. Doesn’t that defeat the whole point?” you quirk a brow at him
“Im saying what if you build your endurance to last multiple rounds. Find a way to keep going through multiple orgasms.
The thought turned your entire view upside down. You had never thought of it that way. You weigh the options in your head. The burning desire and desperation that edging leaves you with or the overwhelming sensations that overstimulation was sure to make you writhe with. Maybe this question was best asked when you weren’t horny and wound up from an orgasm denial because all you could think about was cuming.
“Lets try that”
Jeno kisses down your body until he lays between your legs. He shifts one leg over his shoulder and kisses your clit softly while holding eye contact. Your hips already twitch with need. “Hands behind your back” was his whispered command.
You fold your arms, bending each at the elbow, neatly behind your back. You rest against them as you breathe deeply through your nose. Jeno licks a flat strip against your folds. Your folds were already soaked, practically dripping onto the sheets and he just cleaned it all up. He licks a pointed strip now through your folds, parting them on his way up until hes teasing at your clit again, He wraps his lips against it and suckles gently. He slips his fingers back inside as he gets lost in making out with your pussy. It takes every fibre in your being to hold still; you needed to focus on lasting as long as you could. You decided you would scum but you at least wanted to see how long you could last. Jeno just hums against you, lost in his own thoughts and his own world. His eyes were closed now but his eyebrows were furrowed up like he was concentrating.
He parts his fingers inside of you, stretching them out to make room for his tongue, He licks inside of you over and over and you truly do go crazy. Your thighs attempt to clamp close, but Jeno’s free arm pins one of them open, forcing his face back into your heat. He fucks his fingers ruthlessly now, determined to throw you over into the current, and he does. Your orgasm leaves you feeling sleepy and heavy. The only thing that brings you back down to earth is Jeno’s slick mouth sliding into place over yours as he kisses you deeply.
“3 times. Can you handle that? 3 times?” he asks
You take his words into consideration; you feel yourself throbbing, but you think you could manage two more rounds. You send him a nod and he kisses you again as he shoves off the last piece of his clothing. You can feel him stroke against your slick folds, teasing the head of his cock inside before pulling back out to slap it against your wetness.
“You ready?”
You nod and he pushes inside of you. You were right; he was splitting you open. Once he was sitting all the way inside, you let out a small whimper, and he instantly soothed you.
“You’re ok. I'm gonna make you feel really good,” he shushes into your ear as he caresses you.
His voice is so soft and smooth that you relax against his hold. You wrap your arms around his neck and peck his lips before sending him a nod. You couldn't bring up enough energy to speak. You barely had enough to cum again but you would fight through the drowsiness.
“Let me know if you want to stop, ok?” he offers gently before pulling his hips back slowly to thrust deep inside of you again.
It was like he was hypnotizing you—the way his hips moved as he fucked you, the way his slim waist looked with your legs wrapped around it, the way his arms flexed when he went a little harder. You could get used to being under Jeno. You would take however many rounds he gave you. If it meant you could prolong this sensation, you would endure each and every one of them. You loved the way he filled you up and split you open over and over again as he pounded into you. You loved his noises you had to strain to listen for, you loved the way his face would scrunch up in pleasure when you clamped down tight around him.
Your bodies compliment each other's movements as you chase his hips with your own. You were wound up too tight; you needed release. His hands snake down between your legs and circle your clit skillfully. You cum again, this time around his length. He fucks you through it and settles deep inside of you, holding still until your breathing evens again. You didn't know how he did it. He hadn't come once since you started, which must have taken an ungodly amount of will. You knew you wouldn't be able to do that, at least not for a long time. You would have to settle for fighting through the overstimulation for now. You weakly thrust your hips up again, signaling for him to start again.
“Last one baby, I think I'll be a little more selfish this time,” he says before pressing a kiss into your shoulder.
You don't get to ask what he means before he manhandles you into the next position. He lips your hips before swiftly placing a pillow underneath you, angling your hips up. He grips your thighs, forcing them off of his hips and pressing them deep into your chest, your knees bracing your head. He shoves back in deep, fucking you into the mattress in a mating press. He didn't care if you could cum again because he was going to rip it from you. Puppydog eyes no longer stare back at you; they hadn't since he laid you down on the mattress, but this time something else swims behind his eyes. It was pure hunger, like that of a wolf. You realized that, although he was good at holding back, once the gate was open, nothing could stop what rushed through. It was like the final leg of a race, where you see the finish line and sprint for it. He was pent up, and he was going to let you have it.
Over and over again, his hips pounded harshly into yours. They were sure to bruise by morning, joining the others that probably adorn your body from all your other late-night activities. He hadn't mentioned them but you knew he had noticed because he focused most of his kisses there, like he wanted to paint over the others work.
Empty, there was nothing going on inside your head. Just his name repeating on loop until it filled up your thoughts so much that it had no choice but to spill from your lips. His own pathetic moans fill the air as he thrusts, getting sloppy, less sharp and less precise, and he finishes deep inside of you. You’re almost there and you’re grateful that he fights through his own overstimulation to keep fucking into you lazily. You cum around him and your body goes limp against your sheets.
“You were able to keep up with me; you were amazing,” he says around his heavy breathing. You just look over to him and smile, far too exhausted to speak
When you wake up the next morning, you are not expecting to see jeno still lying next to you. You were sure you made it clear to him this wouldnt be a long-term thing. You shake him awake and he stirs in this sleep before cracking an eye open. He looks at you, then rolls over like you were bothering him.
"Jen, get up. You have to go,” you say, shaking his shoulder again
"Hngm,” he groans, pulling more of your cover over him.
You just stare at him incredulously. You slap his shoulder hard and he finally sits up fully. He looks more alert now as he takes in your appearance and then the time on the bedside table.
“Fuck! Im going to be late for practice,” is all he says before rushing to grab his clothes and phone off your nightstand.
You just watch him in amusement as he scrambles around the room. He's halfway through the door before he stops in his tracks. He turns around and strides back to you before leaning over to plant a sweet kiss on your lips. This kiss was short, but you sensed something in it. He pulled away and stepped out the door fully this time, saying a quick goodbye. Jeno was a track star; he’d make it. As you hear your front door close with a heavy slam, one thought runs through your head.
Jeno the track star, and Jeno, the lover boy, was attached to you. In what ways, you didn’t know, but you could not find out.
Navigating across your college campus was already difficult when you had to regularly avoid crowds of students. Now that you were practically a wanted fugitive, it was even harder to slip between the halls and walk from class to class.
Jeno had texted you a few times since he left your house that one day. Haechan never stopped asking around for you, Renjun was pretty cool about everything so it was only a little awkward when you passed him in the halls, and Jaemin... Boy, if Jaemin got his hands on you, it was so over.
There was only one person you wanted to see and that was Mark. He was the only one who hadn't tried to hit you up. It was like he had vanished from the face of the earth. You had practically begged Jisung for any updates but even he hadn't seen him around. It wasn't until you walked into the library one day and saw Mark cuddle up with some girl that your questions were answered. You were devastated. You had spent so much time trying to be perfect for him and he had used that time to move on to another girl. You couldn't exactly blame him; you had been blowing him off for awhile in favor of your "studies.”.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You hated life. Life always has a sick way of turning you on your head. What was this all for without Mark? Not to say you went on this whole sexual exploration just for him but he was the end goal. He was the final boss. It was like putting in hours on a videogame just to have it shut down before you could save. Yes, you play it for fun, but you also play for the sense of accomplishment that comes with completing it and winning.
What was that saying? Play stupid games,win stupid prizes?
You were out sipping smoothies and pouring your heart out to your friend group. You told them everything. Some were more shocked than others.
“You were trying to fuck my cousin!?” Jisung says this in horror as he almost chokes on his smoothie.
“Sorry, Jisung, I cant explain that one” You send him an apologetic smile.
“I just knew something was up! You had that glowy look,” your friend Yangyang says
“Yeah, that post-sex glow!” Mia chimes in
“Will you two quiet down?” You shush them; you did not need the entire establishment knowing you “glow” after sex, making it sound like you had some type of radioactive pussy.
“I cant believe you fucked them; thats bold even for you,” jisung adds
“I dont need your judgment, jisung”
“No, im not judging; its just that they all-”
“Can we please drop it, I dont want to talk about this anymore; people are starting to stare” The old couple that sat across from your table sneaked glances at you and your friends.
"Well, if you want to get over Mark, you should get under someone else,” chenle says
“Its your advice that got me here in the first place,” you remind him as you finish your smooth sucking down the last drop.
You needed to just spend some time alone, collect yourself and get over mark. Honestly, your kind of happy that this happened sooner rather than later, before you developed more intimate feelings for him. You had already been on your way down that path and it had scared you a little. Maybe this was for the best since you weren't yet ready to face your feelings.
You were supposed to be the reasonable friend. You were supposed to be the friend who told everyone else when they were making stupid decisions, but now that you were making dumb decisions, there was no one there to stop you. You shouldn't listen to Chenle, especially not after the first time but it was like there was a devil-shaped Chenle on your shoulder, egging you on.
You texted Renjun; it has been weeks since you last spoke to him and you hoped there were no hurt feelings between you. You had told him you wanted to meet up and that you had a lot of things on your mind that you wanted to forget, even if just for one night. He said he wasn't upset about you ghosting him; he said that was what the app was all about and that if you ever needed a distraction, you were always welcome over.
You were so grateful to Renjun; he always made you feel safe and welcome. You were thankful that he was your first sexual encounter after your past failed attempts.
You know the way to his house like the back of your hand at this point. You were excited to see Renjun again. You hoped that you could build a relationship outside of just sex; he seemed like a really cool dude. You knock on the door, and it swings open a second later.
It wasn't Renjun.
“Sorry, my roomates were just leaving,” the man you were here to meet says, popping up from behind Haechan, who had answered the door. The blood drained from your face. "Haechan, let her in”
Haechan doesn't take his eyes off of you once. When he eventually shifts to the side to let you through the door, you expect him to walk out, but he simply closes it behind you.
You walk into the living room, and 2 other pairs of eyes lock onto you. Confused looks were exchanged between everyone in the room except Renjun, who still had no idea what was going on.
“These are my roomates, Jeno and Jaemin, oh and thats Haechan” Jeno and Jaemin were sitting on the couch in the living room, dressed to go out and Haechan was still standing in the small walkway that led from the living room to the front door.
“We know each other,” haechan says. Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun all give him a confused look after he makes the comment.
“So do we,” Jeno and Jaemin say in unison before quickly looking at each other, even more confused.
“I actually forgot I think I have an assignment due, I need to turn it in before 12 so I think I'll leave,” you say with a sheepish, akward smile.
You turn to run away but Haechan blocks your path. “Where are you running to babe? You’ve been avoiding me for weeks I think we should have a little chat.
“I really need to turn in that assignment” You try again
“Sit down, princess,” jaemins stern voice calls from the couch, He moves over and pats the space next to him.
Fuck.
“Wait, don't tell me,” Renjun says, finally putting all the pieces together. “Did we all fuck her?”
“Yes! I fucked all of you,” you grumble as you plop down on the couch sandwiched between Jeno and Jaemin. You were caught either way, so you might as well fess up. You can't bring yourself to look at Jeno; you knew there would be hurt in his eyes. “In my defense, I had no idea you were all roomates”
“No judgment over here love. I just wish you would have come to me instead of Renjun if you wanted to fuck tonight,” haechan smirked
You cross your arms against your chest and huff. its not like you were in trouble; you were all grown consenting adults but it sure felt like you were.
“That's what you were gonna do, right? Use everything I taught you to go fuck him?” Jaemin says, his piercing stare seeing right through you.
You were annoyed, you hated being on the hot seat, you had come here to escape your worries and not be confronted by 4/5ths of them. Maybe that is why you lash out a little. “Yes, Jaemin, I'm going to fuck your roomate and make him scream loud enough for the rest of you to hear”
“And where did you learn how to do that?”
“From you, of course”
The room grows silent and that annoys you more. You couldn't understand why no one was ripping you out of your clothes yet. “Is someone going to fuck me, or do I have to find someone else to do it”
“Are you ok with Renjun sharing you?” haechan suggests
“I think I can handle it; can you” you say to the room.
“Wouldnt be the first time we shared,” jaemin says
You finally turn to face jeno. He looks at you, then at your lips, and finally speaks. “I want you… I need you so bad” You had a feeling his words had a deeper meaning than that
You didnt have time to worry about him; you already had so much on your mind but you did spare him the slightest mercy and lean into him first. You kiss him, pulling him into a heated kiss and you can feel warm hands under your shirt as Jaemin kisses your neck. Suddenly, you were being pulled away from the kiss and hauled off the couch. Renjun stood in front of you and said, “lets go to my room; I have the most space”
The trail of clothes that is left behind in the hallway was the only evidence you left behind as the door to Renjuns room closed behind you. You crawl into the bed, and Jaemin crawls in behind you. Renjun takes it upon himself to have you first. He claims your lips in a kiss before he trails his hot mouth down your body. He sucks at your chest before continuing down. Jaemin grabs a hold of them from behind, massaging them in Renjun's wake. Haechan props himself up beside you and kisses you, his hand drawing mindless circles against the skin at your stomach as Renjun caresses your thighs as he prys them open. He lays between them and for once, he doesn't wait. He dives in, immeditaly pressing his hot tongue all over you, spreading your juices as he sucks and licks at your cunt. Your hips fuck up on to his tongue and into his face, and he doesn't stop you. He doesn't stop you when you grab ahold of his hair to grind against his face messily. From beside you, Haechan sits up, dick pressing against your lips and urging you to open your mouth. You do your best to suck him off, lazily closing your mouth around him, too focused on how Renjun feels between your legs than about properly sucking him off. Jaemin strokes your hair away from your face, gripping it in a makeshift ponytail for you as he watches you suck off Haechan. You can feel him pressing up against your lower back, and you can't help the new wave of slick that gushes out at the thought of him feeling you up again. You had missed him—all of them, really. The thought pulls your mind back to Jeno, who sat silently on your other side. You reach out blindly until you feel for him. He takes your hand in his and guides it down his body. His hand covers yours as you palm him through his boxers. Soft groans leave his mouth, and you manage to pull him from his confines. You grip firmly and stroke him as best you can from your angle. He seems to appreciate it because, in no time, he's fucking up into your fist.
You feel Haechan tense in your mouth and you think he's going to spill but he pulls out instead. He takes up camp next to Renjun, forcing the other to scoot over. They both lap at your fold messily and you don't miss the way their tongues swirl together, tasting each other. You are ripped away from the beautiful sight between your legs when Jaemin grips your hair and makes you take Jeno into your mouth next. He guides your movements, pulling you up and down the jenos cock, making it hit the back of your throat. Your training really paid off because you only gag slightly until you are in control of the reflex again.
Fingers slip between your folds; your not sure who they belong to, but their curving deep, fucking into you ruthlessly. The way they sissor you open has you moaning around Jeno, causing his hips to stutter. You feel a pair of lips sucking cruelly on your clit and you come undone violently. Jeno cums deep down your throat, making you choke a little. He pulls out, laying limply next to you. You don’t miss the way his eyes shine at you.
The grasp in your hair forces your head back and you turn over your shoulder to kiss Jaemin. You were positive he could taste Jeno on your tongue but that didn't stop him from shoving his wet muscle down your throat and chasing the taste. Sometime during your distracted haze, Renjun pushes inside of you and you moan into your kiss with Jaemin. Renjun fucks you fast and deep. Hold on tight to your hips. Haechan busies himself with your chest, sucking on your nipples before pulling back to steal you away from Jaemin's kisses. Haechan kisses you messily, just like the way he ate you out and swallowed your moans. Renjun's pace turns sloppy and he finishes against your stomach. With how neat and tidy he likes to keep his things, you were surprised at how messy he could get in the heat of the moment. He pulls out and flops down beside you. Haechan quickly takes his place and you thank Jeno for his help in preparing you for this moment.
Haechan pushes inside of you easily, your greedy pussy completely swallowing him whole. He wastes no time in driving into you over and over again. He used your body to get off, pressing quick circles into your clit. You swipe some of Renjun’s cum off your stomach and shove your soiled finger into Haechan’s mouth. Your fingers rest against his tongue as he licks them clean with a groan. You slip your hand free, smearing some of his spit across his mouth in the process. You didn’t know what it was about Haechan, but he just got you so worked up. Maybe it was how nasty he was, licking up another man's cum, and how he would probably lick you clean after this. You couln'tt stop your hips as they bucked up into his. You chase your highs and you use each other. After a few quick thrusts, you're cuming all over his length and leaking onto the covers, adding even more fluid to the mess. Haechan doesn’t pull out. He comes deep inside you, stuffing you full before he pulls out to watch it drip from your hole.
“Get on your hands and knees for me, baby,” Jaemin whispers in your ear. He had waited patiently for everyone else to get done with you because he wanted your full attention. Jaemin was going to show you that he was all you needed.
You don't even get a chance to move before he moves you into position himself. He takes one of the pillows from the head of the bed and instructs you to lay your head on it. You think hes being nice, worried about your neck cramping, until he says, “bite it”
He wouldn't go easy on you this time, not with how pent-up he has been. A hand grips your head, shoving your face into the pillow as he slips inside. This time, there is zero resistance. With all the slick spilling out of your hole, he was able to lube up before slipping inside.
“Fuck, look at that. Taking it so well,” Jeno says from his spot on the bed. A few moans follow and you assume they are all touching themselves at the sight.
Jaemin forces your head up and makes you look at Renjun, Haechan, and Jeno, all beating their dicks. “You think they can fuck you like I do? No ones got you like I do baby and i’m gonna prove it”
Your pushed back into the pillow, your screams muffled as he snaps his hips into your ass. Crude clapping fills the room as your skin makes contact from his long, deep strokes. Your moans are instead replaced with Haechan's as they fill the room alongside Renjun and Jenos. Jaemin doesn't let up, grabbing one of your arms and pinning it to your back. Renjun's pillow was soaked with your tears as you cried in pleasure at the way Jaemin fucked you. Your thighs grow weak and you can’t hold yourself up anymore but that's ok because Jaemin's strong grip keeps you up as he holds you in place, pounding into you from behind.
“Fuck, im gonna cum” Haechan moans
You’re about to as well when your thighs start to tremble and your body starts to thrash as you try to escape the onslaught of pleasure.
“Stay right there, princess. You got it,” Jaemin grunts into your ear. His chest is pressed against your back, and his biceps curl around your throat, pulling you away from the pillow and successfully trapping you in a chokehold. You scream out load finally, and your orgasm wracks through you. Your tight grip on Jaemin's cock has him cumming deep inside of you with a groan.
Everyone was exhausted and sprawled across Renjun's bed. Renjun, followed by Haechan, Jeno, You, and Jaemin. That was how you were all laid out. Someone went to grab a towel and whipped you clean before wrapping strong arms around you. Through your drowsiness, you looked up to see Jeno nuzzled into your side, embracing you. You had resolved most of your problems except for one.
You shake the thought from your head���not tonight. Tonight, you would just be his and enjoy this moment. You would face him in the morning. You didn't know him well but maybe you could change that.
a/n: I hope you enjoyed reading this. There will be no Part 2 anytime soon or maybe even ever. Maybe a spin-off could happen but probably far down the road in the future. This is literally just porn with no plot. I seriously have no idea where I would take this story. Comment and leave feedback if you want to; it is always appreciated.
a/n: Fun fact i actually did lose my virginity to a fence, it is completely possible to break your hymen through injury. That shit hurt so bad lmaooo. Some of these events in the fic are pulled from real life. See if you can guess which ones lol.
#haechan smut#jaemin smut#jeno smut#renjun smut#nct dream smut#nct dream scenarios#mark lee smut#lee jeno smut#nct smut#nct dream imagines#nct dream fanfic#nct 127 smut#haechan scenarios#haechan imagines#haechan fanfic#jeno scenarios#jeno imagines#jeno x reader#jaemin imagines#jaemin scenarios
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previous reblogged post
#anyway we used to talk a lot but even tho we went to the same uni we didnt have any classes in common and we kinda drifted apart#i really hope this wasnt my fault lol#bc one time during orientation week i was watching the charity hair shave thign and then i saw oomf walking along#but i wasnt REALLY sure if it was them since i was kinda far away and i didnt want it to be awkward in case i got the wrong person#so i just kinda... said nothing and hoped they would say something first?#and we kinda made eye contact and none of us said anything so i was thinking 'maybe it's the wrong person after all' but maybe it was??#it was really awkward aaaaaa#and then we kinda just stopped talking the entire time i was in uni#a while after i made an insta account last year we became moots on there and sometimes reply to each other's stories but#this is like once every 2 months and im so bad at making the conversations last any longer than a couple of responses#sadge#there was one other oomf i was kinda close with in uni#but mainly it's bc we shared a lot of classes#when two introverts -> ZERO talking (lol ^_^;;)#(unless theres like assignments or study materials to discuss)#and they definitely had a closer knit friend group i was kind of an outsider to#there was one other person they were pretty close to in high school (before i really got to know them) and they went to prom together#funnily enough im pretty sure (not completely sure tho bc i never asked lol) theyre both aro/ace so it makes a lot of sense#anyway ill probably delete these late night ramblings later o7
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some safe-for-work headcanons regarding how they might of gone about having sex for the first time for some of my favouritr haikyuu ships:
daisuga: look you know these bitches had it scheduled. not like a meticulous planned thing, but it was definitely something they knew was going to happen in advance. Like they talked about it, agreed they both wanted it, and then 3 weeks later Suga's parents go away for the weekend and they know like a solid week in advance that their "hang out" on Saturday evening is basically exclusively so they can have sex. They're very prepared. This also probably makes that week of training super annoying for the team bc they cant figure out why their captains are being SO overly giggly like you are seventeen/eighteen year old men wtf is going on.
iwaoi: i've always thought they were probably way more nervous than any of their friends assumed and definitely did not have sex as early as people thought. like mattsun and makki both constantly tease them in a way that insinuates they're actively having sex but they probably didnt actually do it until like... the last few months of high school. They were both just nervous! Iwa was very afraid of rushing things and doing it "wrong," and Oikawa wasnt even sure what doing it "right" would be so they had like 6 false-starts before they actually managed it.
ushiten: dorm living is not condusive to intimacy so when for the first time in like 8 months since they started dating that they have a confirmed evening with a locked dorm alone they end up making out for just a crazy amount of time. Tendou is too nervous to actually move anything forward because he's too anxious over the possibility of rejection but he keeps making these weird half-insinuations like "haha I cant believe nobody's going to be back for another four hours... we could do anything and get away with it... isnt that so funny... like nobody would know if we were making out or having sex or just reading a book... haha... isnt that crazy... me and you..." and he's all weird and twitchy about it until Ushijima tells him he doesn't think the idea of them having sex is crazy at all and then it is on immediately.
kuroken: highkey, kuroo probably lays out like a whole romantic, corny ass evening with candles and rose petals and is prepared to have a whole long conversation about being "ready" and Kenma just sort of rolls his eyes and is like "have you finished talking? this is Too Much. I need you to understand this is Too Much. Oh my god I love you but WOW." (it works anyway and Kenma is sufficient wooed).
tsukkiyama: this one might be a little out there but I genuinely think they're the most likely to have it happen by accident, or in a spontaneous moment of opportunity. Like they both intend to just take advantage of the empty house with only a bit of making out and then suddenly they're losing their clothes and it's like "we'll have a conversation about it tomorrow, im sure."
kagehina: okay this one is more stupid but I imagine after they've been dating a while Hinata is like "you know what, im ready to take the next step" but Kageyama cannot read ppl so Hinata's somewhat obvious attempts at seduction go entirely over his head, and Hinata is getting increasingly frustrated and dramatic and trying really really hard to get Kageyama to realize what he wants and it ends up causing a fight between them because Kageyama thinks Hinata is being weird and Hinata thinks Kageyama is being intentionally distant and eventually Kageyama blows up and is like "Oh my god if you want to break up or something just say so!!!" and Hinata is like "Oh my GOD I dont want to break up with you I want to have sex with you!!!" and of course that shuts everyone up and unfortunately Yachi is probably also there and wants to die.
#haikyuu ships#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu ship headcanons#daisuga#iwaoi#ushiten#kuroken#tsukkiyama#kagehina
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