#didn’t Really change my behavior tho bc i. Don’t Think That | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

romantic1869 · 2 months ago

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Gods above and below, I love this so much bc you managed to put into words all (or damn nearly anyways) everything I think/feel about the whole TodoFam situation without being too harsh or too soft , it’s so beautiful

Poetry aside, lol, I love the way you lay Enji’s issues out -the main being that he’s essentially a bumbling idiot at his core who never knows what to say so he resolves things with his fists and never learns how to deal with things properly until it’s too late- but it also makes me realize just WHY I hate him so much (beside, ya know, being a self absorbed abusive prick);

He -in a loose way- reminds me of my own father (rest his soul), whom was a socially awkward ‘large’ man who ‘overcame’ his issues via unhealthy behavior; for my dad, it was alcoholism (started way too young by enabler parents bc he was the baby of 8 and almost 16yo so younger than their second youngest) and acting like a jackass goofball instead of violence, but that doesn’t change that he could be a mean, belligerent drunk at times and I still live with the trauma of that

While he never stopped drinking (which, besides depression and avoiding medical help for far too long, ultimately lead to his death of congestive heart failure in 2011, when I was a junior in high school) and he could be mean when drunk, he never raised his hands against me or my sister, and he ALWAYS apologized once he was coherent (usually only a few hours later, if that honestly), and I think that’s so important a realization -that guilt and remorse and making a point to apologize as soon as possible

My dad wasn’t perfect (far from), but he made an effort and always made sure my sister and I knew he loved us, even if some of the mistakes he made have left trauma on us (in addition to the generational trauma from our mom’s side but that’s a different kettle of fish to deal with)

Enji never actually apologizes (that I can remember? Correct me if I’m wrong but I feel like I’d remember a sorry from him) or makes an effort to spend time with his kids or do much of ANYTHING to truly atone for the 20+yrs of abuse and neglect and trauma, he just tries to control the narrative by assuming WHAT they would want and never putting any energy into trying to get to truly know them or ask what they want or even try and say how sorry he might be for everything he’s put them all thru

He doesn’t even truly apologize to Rei (not really anyways, the flowers are a token at best and an afterthought at worst even if he did remember her favorites), and it’s insane to me the way she’s treated as little more than an accessories to his (and Shouto’s) arcs; my parents separated when I was young bc of my father’s alcoholism, but he and my mom were always cordial and kind to each other (not always always but they didn’t go out of their way to be mean or cruel to each other and they made things work to the best of their abilities with what knowledge they had at their ages)

(Where was I going with this? 😅)

ANYWAYS, fact is, Enji’s efforts were selfish and half assed at best, but likely also colored HEAVILY by Japan’s cultural toxicity -ironically (and don’t crucify me for this) I actually think Enji had more character development that Deku did, but I’m not going to get into that. I can never like Enji bc of my own reasons colored by my experiences with my own dad, but I can at least admit that his character development is interesting if a little half assed -the ending (esp for Touya) still sucks tho and Rei stuck being a nursemaid for her abusive husband is just cruel

Endeavor: Physical Strength vs Emotional Strength

Or The Total Mess that is the Todoroki House.

*Note: The following is not a defense of Endeavor nor is it excusing his actions. It is a deep-dive analysis into the complexities and nuances of his behavior and how it affected his life and everyone else in that family based on observations I’ve made throughout the series. There are also comparisons with other objectively violent characters from other series.

Trigger Warning for domestic and child abuse.

...

We're gonna start out by looking at what happened to his character over the available time frame. Endeavor did not start out as a violent person to his family. We can see that in the flashbacks of the family's early days.

Starting here, note that he’s not cold toward Rei in this scene. The way they’re walking around out here in the garden gives the impression that negotiations between him and Rei’s family are going well so far, but they’re out walking and talking in private just to make sure this arrangement is going to work and making sure further negotiation isn’t going to be a waste of everyone’s time. I say this because if he was dead set on ice powers for this Quirk marriage, Rei probably wasn’t the only option.

It's also important to remember Rei did choose this. She chose for her family rather than herself, but it wasn't her parents' end all be all decision. (And maybe there was familial pressure on her side, but it's not explicitly stated in canon so exactly how much free will Rei actually had is up for interpretation.)

However what I think shows here is they weren’t really talking all that much. Specifically, he is not ‘talking down to her.’ He is not treating her with any particular disrespect or putting her down as inferior. He doesn’t have the arrogance he later exhibits. This also isn’t him being aloof and ignoring her either. Look at his face, specifically his eyes. That is the same blank, deer in the headlights, “I have one brain cell dinging around in my head that is struggling to find a way to interact with people,” stare he shares with Shouto.

He has no idea what to say to her.

So finally, Rei turns off to the side to admire the garden, and he asks, “Do you like the flowers?” It’s a small thing, but it does show that in some capacity, he did show some interest in Rei and making her happy. He’s just stupidly awkward about it at this point. (Even if his ultimate goal was…well, we’ll get into that.)

But this trait of never knowing what to say is a massive defining part of Endeavor’s character that has manifested in a myriad of disastrous ways throughout his entire arc.

Now I don’t think there’s enough shown about Endeavor and Rei’s relationship that we can conclusively say they ever loved each other at any point, but I do think they were, at the very least, cordial in the beginning. They got along, they loved their children, and that in their minds was good enough for them. If you look at the scenes that are Touya and Fuyumi's early childhood, the family seems content. There's no sign of the abuse we see later.

The other big indicator that Endeavor was not originally a violent person to his family is the two very different ways he approaches training with Touya and Shouto. His motive for training them hasn't changed, but compared to the warmth and pride extended toward Touya we see in the above picture, Shouto’s experience with training in the second screenshot is harrowing and traumatic.

So why the difference?

A big reason is it has to do with age. When Rei defends Shouto, telling her husband that, “He’s only five!” and Endeavor is still pushing their son to achieve the standards of an older child, yes, this does show his impatience. However, the other unspoken sentiment here is he himself is not getting any younger. When Touya was born, Endeavor was twenty-two and had his whole life, career, and all his hopes with it ahead of him. His kid has a greater Quirk than his, his legacy is secure, nothing to worry about. But then they learn about the genetic issue with Touya’s Quirk. He can’t use his fire safely, he’ll never be able to use it safely, and he will never be a hero in the way Endeavor can.

Touya: Failure

Fuyumi: Failure

Natsuo: Failure

Shouto was probably viewed as his last chance. Endeavor was getting older and running out of time. If Shouto didn’t work out, then this legacy was dead in the water. At least, I hope Shouto was the last chance, otherwise he might've tried getting another kid out of Rei, divorced Rei and married someone else for the same reason, or attempted securing his successor through a grandchild.

Which is some freaky medieval way of thinking.

Anyone else getting Henry VIII vibes here?

Remember what I said about him never knowing what to say? The most obvious example of this is his complete and total inability to control the situation with Touya.

The tragedy of both Touya and Fuyumi's characters is they are the only two kids in the house who remember the happier childhood, and they both cling to that in their own way. It's why Fuyumi is so determined to 'fix things.' She's trying to regain the family they lost. For Natsuo and Shouto, things have always been bad in the house, hence why Natsuo bailed as soon as he could.

Then we have Touya. His flashbacks start with him at a toddler age. It is very common and normal for a child that young to prefer one parent over the other, but usually it's the parent they're most familiar with: The one that stays home with and takes care of them. Remember, to a toddler, everything is new and potentially scary, and that can also include a parent that is not always present: The parent that's working. In the Todoroki house, Endeavor has his career as a hero, so we have the indication that Rei was the parent who stayed home. In that situation, the probability of Rei being the 'familiar parent' was more likely, so for Touya to prefer his father over his mother shows just how close he was to Endeavor. Or because Fuyumi was the new baby and needed more attention, he could have gravitated away from Rei and gone to his father instead. He didn't see his father's ambitions for him. He didn't see that he was a successor as opposed to a son.

What he, through a child's innocence, saw and understood was that his father loved him and wanted to spend time with him.

Cue the genetic disparity of his Quirk: Where Endeavor failed as a parent was him never talking to Touya about what had happened. He didn't sit down with him and explain it wasn't safe for him to use his Quirk.

The My Hero world has a social problem of Quirks defining one's worth. It's not just the PLF's philosophy. Having no Quirk is viewed with pity and having a Quirk that can't be used could be viewed as a disability by this society, regardless of the fact it's completely possible to live a healthy life without having a Quirk. So Touya's 'issue' required compassion and understanding, especially from a parent. What Endeavor needed to say and what Touya needed to hear was, "This is a path that is blocked to you, it isn't your fault this happened, and I will love you regardless."

Instead, he just dropped him completely. (Given his character, I doubt he's even the one who broke the news to him.) In Touya's eyes, he didn't have the adult nuance to understand why he was being ignored; he just had the child innocence of, "I don't want to hang out with Mom and Fuyumi, I want to be with Dad. Why is he ignoring me? Why won't he train me anymore?"

What Touya learned from this is he only has value in his father's eyes as a hero. So he began training himself to be a hero because he was desperate to get that love and affection back. When Endeavor discovers the fact he's been training and burning himself, Touya never apologizes for disobeying him. He just repeatedly says variations of, "I can do this, then maybe you'll finally be proud of me."

Fuck, dude, just tell the poor kid you're already proud of him. That's all he needed to hear.

And Rei does call Touya out on this. She asks him, "Do you want to be a hero because you want to be a hero or are you doing this because it's what your father wants?"

In order words: "Are you doing this because you think it will make your father love you?"

And we come full circle to the 'death' of Touya where he realized, "I was never a son. I was a product."

...

Endeavor never addresses the problem going on under his roof. He handed the problem off to Rei. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know (and still doesn't) how to be a parent, and instead of confronting that lapse in his character, he instead made a coward's retreat back into the safe and familiar territory of being a hero.

This was the catalyst for his violence to his family.

Being a hero means fighting villains.

Fighting villains is often solving problems with violence.

Because he never knows what to say, he didn't know how to properly navigate a complex emotional situation, so he resorted to the only method he knew that worked:

Beat it into submission.

And since we have the previously mentioned signs they were once a happy, normal family, I have a feeling the violence began very suddenly and without warning.

...

To back this up, I'm gonna give a little personal insight here. I used to work in an orthopedic clinic and a lot of injuries that came through were hand injuries due to someone punching a wall out of anger/frustration. You may think this is fine since they didn’t hit another person and only hurt themselves, but the issue with taking your aggression out on even an inanimate object is you are unwittingly training your brain to associate anger with violence and make it all the more likely for you to lash out violently against another person.

Throughout his career, Endeavor has conditioned himself into this same mindset of repeatedly forging and reinforcing the physical connection of violence with the mental/emotional connection of anger.

Look at this scene from Arcane.

If you haven't seen this series yet, 1.) Get on that. You're missing out. (Don't worry, there's not too many spoilers below.) and 2.) This is Vi and this screenshot is from a scene where she, in a moment of anger and grief, strikes her little sister hard enough in the face to knock her to the ground.

Look at the horror in her eyes when she realizes what she’s done.

Now before and after this moment, we see Vi undoubtedly loves her sister and would die for her. (Season 2 pending...) The first thing she does when they're reunited is hug her and tell her how sorry she is. But Vi has also been a fighter all her life. The sisters grew up in the rough part of town, they had to fight to survive, and they've experienced a violent atmosphere from a young age. We also see that when Vi gets frustrated or angry, she punches/slaps inanimate objects, so she too subconsciously associated violence with intense emotions, and in a moment of blind rage/grief, she failed to dissociate and she hurt her sister.

It wasn't a conscious decision, but it happened nonetheless.

What follows is she walks away from Powder. She doesn't go far, she just puts some distance between herself and her sister to calm down and process what's happened and hopefully find a way to move forward. Only, for unrelated reasons that don't pertain to this topic, she is apprehended by authorities and spends the next 6-7 years in prison, obsessing over her regrets and finding her way back to Powder.

She is never going to forgive herself for this.

I bring this scene up because as far as fiction is concerned, we as the audience do often excuse a character losing their temper and hitting a loved one once. What Vi did was not okay, but because it only happened that one time, nobody is labeling Vi as 'abusive.'

...

So consider the first time Endeavor hit Rei. We don't see it in canon, but with all the indicators of a relatively happy home, I believe that first act of violence was the culmination of these factors:

Endeavor's ongoing inferiority complex with All Might and the frustration in his inability to surpass him, and then projecting that frustration onto his family.

The career of solving problems with violence.

The subconscious association of anger with violence resulting from that career.

I'm also going to throw out the possibility of multiple head injuries incurred from his career playing a role. Traumatic brain injuries can and often do lead to behavioral changes where an individual has trouble managing emotional responses, experiences anxiety, has a shorter temper, etc.

Obviously, none of the above should be treated as excuses (not even the TBI possibility because there's therapy options for that), but they are potential contributors to the pivotal moment of frustration and impatience where Endeavor, like Vi, failed to dissociate and did something he couldn't take back.

Striking Rei is his tea kettle incident. Think back to the awkward moron who didn't have a clue what to say to her when they first met. That young man never thought he would do something like this. That first moment when he hit Rei, I really don't think it was a conscious decision and it may have taken him off guard as much as it did Rei. Like Vi, he probably acted out of blind anger and may have been just as horrified by what he'd done, and I can imagine Endeavor walking away from that to calm down and process that he crossed a line he thought he would never cross.

Unlike Vi, who was going to return to Powder after calming down so she could apologize, beg forgiveness, and move forward, Endeavor is an emotional coward who never knows what to say or how to confront a complex emotional hurtle. So he did the same thing he did with Touya: He retreated from the problem and pretended it didn't exist, and because it was never addressed and he was never held accountable, it only got worse. The lid was off and there was no getting it back on.

I'm not saying there was a definite chance he could have come back from that (that ball was in Rei's court as much as it was Powder's) but Endeavor had a choice:

He could have addressed what he'd done and made amends by submitting to whatever consequence Rei set down for him.

Or he could have rationalized his own twisted justifications for what he did.

He chose wrong.

For another comparison of the violence aspect, I’m also going to bring up Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!, a character who I think flies off the handle far more frequently than Endeavor does.

If you haven't seen Durarara!!, same as above with Arcane.

The nuance of Shizuo is the intense rage he experiences, the violence that follows, and his own inner turmoil. He associates violence with anger, but these are traits that he fully recognizes as detrimental to himself and his personal relationships with other people. He has a temper, he gets violent, he lashes out with abnormal strength and has seriously injured many people.

But the people he's attacked are usually people who provoked him, whether it's thugs who opted to harass him on the street or he heard that a friend was in trouble and rushed off to help them. Not that violence is the answer, but they were people who arguably deserved a beating. More importantly, though, is the way Shizuo treats his relationships with caution. He's a loner by choice. He does want to connect with other people, but he keeps his distance because he legitimately fears harming someone he cares about. Because of his caution and self-awareness, he is a complicated and likable character that I think anyone with a short temper who has said or done things they regret can relate to.

If he didn’t have that level of control on himself and was violent with everyone regardless of who they were to him, he would be despised by the fandom as much as Endeavor is.

This is how Durarara!! can get away with presenting a violent character in a comedic fashion. Shizuo, despite his temper, is an absurdly strong guy, a little bit of an idiot, and fiercely loyal to his friends. All three of those are endearing qualities.

And in the right framing, Endeavor's violence is also presented as comedic.

This scene is funny, but grabbing Hawks like that and lifting him off the ground is technically assault and it is intimidation. Replace Hawks with Rei and this scene changes drastically from funny to very unsettling. Replace him with Touya and it's a fight.

...

Where Endeavor really differentiates from Vi and Shizuo is marked by two important factors:

Shizuo, for all his claims at being unable to control his anger, has it very much under control around the people he cares about. He really only lets loose against a perceived threat.

Vi mostly has that same control even though she lost it for a moment, but she was also separated from her sister in an indirect punishment for her actions.

Endeavor does not have Shizuo's restraint nor did he face any immediate consequences like Vi.

Which brings us to Rei.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to Rei, and the absolute harshest opinion I have of her is that she is pathetic and she failed her children. And I know that's a very black and white, cold-hearted view, but hear me out because it's a lot more complicated than that.

Endeavor is ultimately responsible for his own actions, but Rei also had the option to deal with the problem when it started. When he started hitting her, she could and should and have taken the kids and run as fast as she was able and not looked back. No amount of financial security, family appearance, or whatever justification one finds in this scenario is worth it. She should not have tolerated that abuse against herself and she definitely should not have subjected her children to that. While there's nothing conclusive to say Endeavor was physically harming any of the kids aside from Shouto, not fighting for her autonomy/safety was inadvertently teaching all four of them this is how men treat their wives, women are supposed to tolerate this treatment, and a marriage like this is 'normal.'

And in the end, she straight up abandoned her children. We see from Shouto's point of view right before she attacked him with the tea kettle. She's talking to her mother on the phone, saying she 'can't take it anymore' and she just wants to 'run away from this life.' Well...considering she goes on to spend the next ten years in a psych ward and left her children to her abusive husband...she did get what she wanted. Ten years and she really didn't put any more effort in trying to get back to them? She knew Endeavor was hurting her youngest. Going home and protecting her babies should have been her priority. For a long time, I legitimately thought she was in Fujiya because she was considered unsafe to rejoin society whether she was a danger to herself or to others. When she shows up in Endeavor's hospital room, I stared at the screen and thought, "The fuck? She could discharge herself at any point?"

All right, now that I've gone over my hard-line point of view, let me dial back the judgment and consider what else is going on here:

Rei is a refrigerated character.

She has very little characterization beyond her abuse and being the victimized mother in Shouto's story, so we don't know all that much about her. In all fairness, her oldest son suddenly dying while she was hospitalized certainly would have contributed to her downward spiral and account for her prolonged hospitalization.

She tolerated her abuse longer than she should have, but it is possible:

She learned that from her own parents. Tolerating abuse is often a byproduct of generational trauma. Maybe her father treated her mother the same way and she grew up thinking this was normal.

Maybe the first time Endeavor hit her, she rationalized it into a point of acceptance where she told herself that everything was fine and that it was only the 'one time' and it wouldn't happen again, a sentiment she kept repeating every time it happened.

Maybe she was raised to believe ‘the man of the house is always right,’ and that is a mindset that is hard to break if instilled from childhood.

Her parents certainly didn’t seem all that supportive with what was going on, but we also don’t know how much she told them. We don't even know if that one phone call she had with her mom was the first time she reached out for help after years of pretending everything was fine or if this was was something she was repeatedly updating her parents about and those parents chose to be aloof to it.

Maybe she really did grow up in a loving home and just didn't know what to do when confronted with the violent relationship she found herself in.

Maybe she was gaslit into believing it wasn't abuse.

Maybe she really did report the abuse and the godforsaken, root-of-all-evil Safety Commission told her, "Your husband's a hero. Stay quiet and don't ruin that public image." Basically told her to suck it up. That is also a possibility, and one I think could be the most likely, but the series doesn't really go into just how corrupt the Commission was, so we're in headcanon territory.

Maybe she did try to take the kids and run but failed to get away. (Unlikely since it’s never mentioned in canon.)

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have an upbringing that instills the belief, 'if your partner hurts you, they are dead to you' and not everyone has the good fortune of a reliable support network that can help them recognize a bad situation and get them out of it.

Given how well-known Endeavor is to the public, maybe Rei was afraid no one would believe her about the abuse. "A hero would never do such a thing. She's making it up for attention. Her family was poor, so she must be a gold-digger trying to screw over her hero husband in the divorce proceedings."

There is also the important fact that Japan has a social stigma against divorce. Persevering for the sake of family stability and maintaining an ideal appearance is a deeply ingrained cultural norm, which does introduce a troubling power imbalance between a husband who works and a housewife who doesn't have her own independent income. We also have to remember that Rei and her family were financially dependent on Endeavor, so she may have feared the monetary fallout at the prospect of leaving him. Also, with the popularity of the hero ranking system, the No. 2 Hero's wife divorcing him would have been very public and potentially humiliating for all involved.

And we can’t ignore the fact that Endeavor systematically broke her down into a shell of a person who couldn't see a way out of her situation and was tormented to the point she had a psychotic episode and attacked Shouto, the very child she tried to protect. And this too could have contributed to her prolonged hospitalization if this was the final straw and she viewed herself as a failure of a mother.

Maybe it was a combination of two or several of the above factors.

At the end of the day, abuse is a multi-faceted beast, and just as the abuse comes in many forms, the victim can have any number of reasons for staying in their situation.

So even though I have my harsh opinion of Rei and I think she should have done more to protect her children, I do 100% sympathize with her. She is a victim and she in no way deserved what she went through.

But while her inaction wasn't the cause of the crisis in her family, it was definitely a contributor to how badly it got out of hand because whatever the reason Rei didn't expose Endeavor or try to take the children and leave him, that lack of accountability opened up the opportunity for him to rationalize his own twisted justifications for his actions. “It’s fine. She deserved it because ______. She was 'acting out.' She was overreacting. She doesn't know what she's talking about.” Whatever he needed to tell himself to believe he didn’t do anything wrong even though he knew he wasn’t fooling himself or anyone.

She didn't stand up to him. Their children couldn't stand up to him.

So he continued the physical abuse unchecked.

...

Moving on into the redemption arc.

After the Kamino Incident, Endeavor finally, finally, finally got that vaunted No 1. Hero spot he'd been chasing for two decades. But he didn't earn it the way he wanted to by proving he's the best of the best. All Might retired, so he won by default.

And then he finds it's just one spot further up on a ranking system that means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. So he looks back at what's really important and he sees the charred skeleton frame of a house he burned down.

One institutionalized wife

One dead son

One daughter who clings to the memories of a happier home

One estranged son

One son who only has a use for him as a teacher and not a parent and will probably drop him the second he no longer needs him

In spite of everything, I do genuinely think the man deserves some credit for at least being willing to make an attempt at reconciliation. Not a lot since he dug that hole himself, but let's face it, a lot of lesser people would have looked at that mess and thought, "Fuck it, no going back now," and continued business as usual. So the question becomes:

Is Endeavor trying to redeem himself out of a need to make himself feel better about everything he's done or is he truly doing it for the benefit of the people he's hurt?

I tentatively think/hope could be a mix of both--I believe there is a part of him that cares about his children--but it definitely skews more toward making himself feel better because there's never a moment before the redemption arc begins where he's isolated, thinking back on everything, and just has the appropriate, "What have I done?" revelation. If his remorse was genuinely all about his family, we would have had that 'crying in the hospital scene' a whole lot sooner.

I think if Horikoshi wanted to portray Endeavor's redemption as genuine remorse for what he did to his family, I think he would have put more of a focus on Endeavor actually seeing the impact of what he'd done and feeling the inner turmoil and regret. Not just Natsuo's anger but also seeing firsthand Shouto's isolation and complete lack of social skills as a result of his training or having a conversation with Fuyumi where she admits she never wants to marry or have children because she doesn't 'want to risk ending up like Mom.' Seeing the effects of his behavior, realizing it's his fault.

So no. While there may be a part of Endeavor that loves his children (or he tells himself that he does), his wanting to atone is inspired mainly by his self-worth. He realized the ends did not justify the means and he tries to fix it.

But either way, how does he go about it?

The biggest change he makes toward earning forgiveness is to his hero career, which tracks with his character. That's familiar territory, so it's easier for him to navigate. He takes a significantly gentler method of teaching/mentorship with Shouto and he tries a kinder approach with his fans. That's progress, but it's still avoidance of the main issue that is the rift he caused with the other members of the family.

His relationship with Fuyumi doesn't have much friction. Fuyumi clings to their family's happier memories. With Touya gone, she was the only child who could remember a childhood without fighting parents, abuse, and suffering siblings. In a twisted way, this is something she and Touya have in common. So it makes sense that she would be the one who's the most receptive to Endeavor's attempts to be a better father. She sees this change as their best chance at being a normal family again. Like Touya, she wanted her father back.

Natsuo is different. He was 3-4 years old when the toxicity in their household really began to spike and when the violence started. Incidentally, this is also when memory cells in the brain start to fully develop and form concrete memories. Compared to his older siblings, the abuse is all he knows and that is why he's the child who left and went low-contact. The only thing Natsuo's really done wrong is start family drama when there's company over for dinner. I mean, c'mon. That's just rude. Don't do that in front of guests.

While Endeavor makes attempts to better his training methods/fan interaction, what he doesn't do is call a family meeting to discuss things, not that this would have resolved anything by a long shot, but it would have established a baseline of where everyone in the family was at and whether or not forgiveness was even on the table at all. It is an extremely arrogant thought for Endeavor to think forgiveness for something of this magnitude is possible, and if he wanted to seek forgiveness (or to atone, whatever the hell that means) for the lifelong mistreatment of family, he should have been more prepared for the most abject, humble groveling to the people he wronged that he could manage.

He should have admitted to his mistakes and faults, laid out everything he'd done wrong, apologize for that as best he could, then express he wanted to repair their relationship and be a family again while also acknowledging that he understands if that is not possible. Lay down that groundwork, maybe be open to family therapy so that a professional third party can act as a mediator and provide impartial guidance, figure out where the boundaries are, acknowledge he can't give them back their ruined childhoods but he can *insert anything Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto ask as recompense, even if it's just leaving their lives forever*, and listen for once to what his family is saying.

Instead, he tries to have normal conversations with his children as if nothing bad ever happened. He offers to come watch Shouto's remedial training like that's a totally ordinary thing for him to do. He tells Natsuo during the family dinner that he would like to try his cooking some time. That is a good olive branch! There is nothing wrong with saying that, but without that prior baseline conversation, it comes off as contrived and that's how Natsuo interpreted it. He sends flowers to Rei, also a good signal to send, but he should have done the the uncomfortable thing and contacted her through her physician to see if she's open to meeting with him for a conversation or sending her a letter she could choose to open at any time (or send back unopened.) That would have established that same baseline and helped move forward towards the atonement he wanted.

But he does the same thing he always does: He pretends the real issue just doesn't exist and he tries to control the situation to suit him.

Why?

Say it with me: He never knows what to say! He can't navigate complex emotions!

He doesn't try to find out if his family is even willing to forgive him, frankly because he's an emotional coward who doesn't want to hear the answer.

However, we cannot say he has no character development at all.

There is one thing worth noting around this point in the plot that I think is important to recognize. If Endeavor ever had any character development that was in favor of his redemption, it was when Natsuo was kidnapped and nearly killed, and it's not because he ran and hugged him in the street.

In this scene, he admits to Natsuo that his actions might as well have killed Touya.

This is a small thing, but it also huge because you have to consider that up until this time, Endeavor has been gaslighting himself into believing it was Touya's fault for getting himself killed or Rei's fault for not doing as she was told and watching him. He could even have been irrationally blaming All Might for just being a barrier to his goals. Any warped excuse and justification he could think of to escape the blame.

It's not a lot, but he did finally give voice to the guilt that he is the reason he failed and his child died. He finally acknowledged that the blame lies squarely with him and no one else, and acknowledging he drove Touya to his own death means way more than just talking about his intentions to atone.

He took accountability here, at least within the family.

That is one point he's earned. We as the audience can begrudgingly concede that one.

But this progress is again stalled when Endeavor makes the decision that it would be best for his family if he distances himself from them. He chooses to build another house for them where they can all live together with their mother and away from his shadow.

The initial reaction I had to this decision was, "Okay, your solution is kicking them out of the only home they've ever known?" But then I considered that having those kids leave a house where they lived through a traumatic and stressful childhood was a good call. Natsuo already bailed, after all. And then there's Fuyumi... Yeah, you know what, maybe a conversation would have been appropriate here. Instead of finding out what they want, he goes and decides it for them like he always does.

Touya has a genetic disparity that prevents him from using his Quirk safely? Endeavor decides he shouldn't be a hero, disregarding any possibility of finding a potential workaround.

Shouto finally uses his fire at the Sports Festival? Endeavor has his whole speech that pretty much shows he has Shouto's entire life planned out after graduation.

He wants to do what's best for his family? He decides what's best for them.

And we're back to the big dumbass never knowing what to say and still running away from the main issue by making assumptions and decisions without actually considering the thoughts/opinions of the people around him and controlling the situation to his benefit.

He may have his intention to do better, but he has no idea what he's doing. He doesn't know how to relinquish his authority role.

And then we have Touya with his, "Bitch, you thought!" grenade. Or is it a nuke?

It's important to note is that failure to articulate emotion in a healthy way is a trait that is shared by all of the Todoroki family members.

Endeavor - the emotional coward who resorts to violence when confronted with an uncomfortable situation

Rei - the passive mother

Fuyumi - the peacekeeper and people-pleaser

Shouto - the child who was systematically deprogramed into an angry husk imitating his father that he has only recently started to recover from

Touya and Natsuo are the only two who actually have some pushback against the bullshit in their family. Touya's a whole kettle of insane fish who's warped psyche deserves a character analysis of its own, but the point is, even as a kid, he doesn't creep around his father or try to make peace with him. Natsuo also has no problem calling out Endeavor for everything that went wrong in his childhood, plus he moved out and went to college as soon as he could.

Touya - the unstable sociopath who shares his father's tendency to violently lash out while stuck with the mental fragility of his mother

Natsuo - the traumatized avoidant

Neither of them have a functional way of dealing with their issues. (In fact, Touya is so unhinged about it that the door has peaced out and is halfway down the street.)

Endeavor wanted to atone for what he did...by burying and not actually taking any real accountability until the unavoidable moment Touya is screaming down to him, "Is it because you became No. 1 that you finally paid attention to your family?"

Touya has a warped view of the world brought on by years of trauma, but he hit the nail on the head.

Endeavor's main motivation for atonement is for the self-satisfaction.

So we have the symbolism of Endeavor, who has always used his physical strength to solve his problems by beating them into submission and used his intimidating height to glare down at everyone beneath him, and then we have Touya standing on top of a mountain, shouting down. Endeavor's in a position where he's looking up at his dead child, who is arguably the broken bough, elephant in the room, core unavoidable reason a full atonement was never going to be possible, bringing about a twenty-year overdue reckoning.

And he once again doesn't know what to say.

As the story ends, this is where we leave him: Crippled, looking up at his dying child, and confronted by one of the lives he ruined. By choice, he's going to sit here and face what he did. These talks are not going to be pleasant. I doubt Touya is so burned out and exhausted that he doesn’t have the heart to spit out more of the lifetime of vitriol he’s built up.

I know a lot of fans were disappointed Horikoshi didn’t kill Endeavor off in the end, but I personally prefer to look at it this way:

Some characters deserve death.

But some deserve to live in despair.

...

To revisit Arcane, I think this quote neatly sums up Endeavor.

#mha #touya todoroki #endeavor #todoroki family #shouto todoroki #fuyumi todoroki #natsuo todoroki #rei todoroki #bnha #personal vent

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theharrowing · 1 year ago

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I have reread Boy Blue almost three times now. You are such a talented writer!! I hope this message dont bother you but I have two sorta fun questions:

1. When I watch Rainy Days, for some reason I feel like it's super Boy Blue-coded (?) Like idk, the ambiance, the moodiness, the yearning. What era / mv BTS you associate with Boy Blue characters (if any)? Or you can also answer for Collateral, whichever you want!

2. When you write a story, do you begin with like knowing how it's gonna end first or do you build a rough outline of events and then decide the ending? All the endings (if you can call it that) in Boy Blue and Collateral have been so unpredictable (literally I could NOT guess how it was going to end) so I'm just interested. Btw I'm not a writer so I'm sorry if this is a weird question!

P.s: i'm glad I didnt trust Yoongi in Boy Blue hehehe

Thank you so much for writing again and sorry for the long message!

ANON HELLOOO!!! 😍

THREE TIMES that’s wild wow thank you so much!!! (the chapters are pretty quick hehe but still wow!!!) this doesn’t bother me one bit, i’m very excited to respond to these! this is going to be a VERY LONG response hehe enjoy.

this response will contain spoilers, for anyone who hasn’t read these fics!

1. i get such big Boy Blue vibes from Rainy Days Tae!!! both in the way he is burying himself in the art (idk i get this obsessive vibe tbh) and also with how 😐 stoic and serious he seems through a lot of it. i see Boy Blue Taehyung trying so hard to distract himself but all he can see is someone’s face/likeness and he needs to paint it and carve it and build it somehow. and yes, definitely the ambiance and yearning!!! i will definitely be making it his personality in White Lies haha.

originally, i wasn’t really associating their personalities with any era, but Boy Blue Taehyung maybe had hints of Stigma performances (especially with blue hair, of course.) Yoongi and his boys i just imagined in like a Velvet Goldmine crossover almost, and Jungkook was if My Time were a little more punk (and a little more whiny haha.) (Namjoon and Seokjin didn’t really have development lol sorry boys!)

for Collateral, Yoongi was originally from That That, and the others came from any number of eras (Butter maybe, Proof at times.) but because these roles don’t really fit the guys normally, it’s all kind of all over the place and i don’t really imagine them from specific eras (i have been more or less keeping Yoongi current throughout Collateral and using more recent descriptions and images every time, with the exception of some mood boards.) sometimes my mind goes to Weverse magazine shoots, especially 2020 and 2022.

2. i almost never plot things out when i start, which was the case for Boy Blue and Collateral lol. i did sort of plan the ending of Boy Blue by the time Yoongi was introduced but i was still playing around with various ideas. (glad you didn’t trust him tho bc i made him obsessive and weird like immediately and it felt like nobody really caught that??? there were hints of his involvement throughout, tho, because i always loosely wanted that to be a plot twist. In the basement, when Yoongi says, “This wasn’t supposed to happen” what he means is “This isn’t how we planned it.” and even in earlier chapters when they are first captured, his behavior is erratic because he is upset with Taehyung, especially for having a gun.)

i finally wrote an outline for how i wanted to end Boy Blue somewhere around chapter 40. i was like “ok, we need to end this fic, it’s been going on for a long time now.” i think around 42 is when i had the ending completely figured out. most of Boy Blue was the product of me just logging out of class and creating chaos.

Collateral got an outline in chapter 12, and boy howdy, has it changed a lot. i don’t think think i had the actual ending set in stone until chapter 15. i think that was the point when i decided that in order for this story to get the ending i wanted, i needed to plan a sequel, and i slid Balming Tiger into the story.

THESE ARE PROBABLY WAY MORE WORDS THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR but i get really excited to talk about my fics, so thank you for giving me something fun and thoughtful to wake up to! feel free to ask more questions if you would like to! i am an open book!!! 💙💙💙 and thank you so much for reading!!!

#lovely anon #fic: boy blue #fic: collateral #reader reviews #you've got mail 💌

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you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be · 2 years ago

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Hi, I’m sorry I’m bringing this to your ask box because the original post is getting a bit lengthy - I didn’t meant to say you’re not a shipper or anything like that!!! I have seen people who say they’re not shippers express frustration with the quote being taken out of context, and that was the kind of sentiment I was targeting.

I’m also truly sorry that you felt people were misleading you with their posts about the podcast, but I don’t get the impression that Beejhawk shippers who WERE posting that quote out of context were genuinely trying to fabricate a narrative in which their relationship was canon or confirmed. I’ve seen the same posts and to me, those posts that happened after the podcast were written by fans who were excited to hear Mike’s interpretation of their postwar relationship included them keeping in touch in some manner.

I also don’t think anyone has argued that Mash has any canonical gay relationships - at least, I haven’t seen that, and a disclaimer that I’ve only been a fan for a year or so! But I hope no one told you that and I’m sorry if they did. It’s just a show that one can have a lot of fun watching in a queer way - all while keeping in mind that that was NOT the original intention.

I do really recommend you listen to the actual podcast bc it’s a really beautiful conversation between two people who love the show a lot.

I’m sorry you felt you were tricked but I truly don’t think anyone intended that to happen.

Please don’t feel pressured to post this or respond, I just wanted to explain myself to you without making the post longer! 💓

Hey no hard feelings! At worst I was frustrated bc I felt misunderstood, but I didn’t feel like I was being ignored or invalidated. It’s an on off ship depending on what themes of the show I’m focusing on. I hope I didn’t come across too harsh and I’m sorry if I did. It was more frustration that the original meaning and quote was getting ignored more than anything because the entire idea of the war changing them and them being life rafts to each other who wouldn’t have talked if not for the war and the entire goodbye debate was important to me more than I was about the shipping, I didn’t think Mike was saying that explicitly as a ship thing (though I wouldn’t put it past him lol) but I never had the full quote bc it got cut short for the sake of shipping which is frustrating, and a lot of other fandoms DO say things are canon that aren’t so that attitude was already on my mind more as a behavior than anything relating to mash itself. I look forword to getting there I listen to a few mash podcasts but am not caught up on any of them. I appreciate you checking I’m ok tho! I hope you are the same and don’t feel stressed about the conflicting ideas and that I wasn’t too harsh in the way I expressed my opinion.

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plum-pitt · 8 months ago

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oooo, figured i’d reblog bc i think alot of these r really interesting! side note: won’t be commenting on versions i haven’t watched/read, or the ones i just.. don’t have much of anything to say about. I put these in numbered order matching with which take im responding to, if a number is skipped then it’s corresponding take is one i didn’t feel the need to comment on.

1: Yes and No on 2012 April. I think she’s definitely over hated by a fanbase that hyper-dramatizes how “awful” she is (i feel like how people tend to look at Donnie as a victim and make excuses for his weird behavior by making her look worse by comparison def feeds into this, at least from the discourse i’ve witnessed personally) I think she’s got some interesting ideas behind her, like having the kraang dna, but i just don’t think she has a super strong identity to me, like she feels more like a plot device and eye candy for Donnie and Casey to fist fight over than an actual character. Just an unfortunate byproduct of male writers who haven’t yet learned that objectifying women is wrong.

2: Eh, I kinda agree with this one too. I feel like he could’ve been INFINITELY better if we just got more time with the guy and got to see more of his personality shine through outside of the consistent crisis-mode the plot necessitated. His design totally fucks tho, the mask with Leo’s markings, the chainsaw hockey stick? Straight HEAT.

4: Valid, but also I think in some instances (importantly ones where they’re the same age) Casey and Raph can be a cute lil combo. But only on occasion, sometimes the vibes are there but sometimes they’re not.

5: I FEEL THIS SO HARD. She’s so intriguing but her arc is so infuriatingly paced that it makes me want to pull my hair out. I couldn’t even put to words why i hated it until i saw a video by godzilla mendoza that laid out the show’s overall pacing problem by using her arc as an example, showing EXACTLY how long everything took and how often they’d dangle development in front of the viewer just to rip it away with some contrived bs so they don’t have to commit to a status quo shift.

6: Eh it’s alright but yea definitely overdone at this point. I like that they give eachother shit all the time and have this cautious nerd vs. reckless jackass dynamic going on but i hate that so much of their onscreen interaction and most of their rivalry just comes from both of them wanting to get with April.

7: I agree, but i think the reason is that Mikey just didn’t get nearly enough focus in Rise to properly stand out. I really liked what little we got of him and think they definitely could’ve taken what we see in the show to some really cool places if given the proper time to flesh them out, but it just never came to be which is a damn shame.

8: BASED. I’m so fucking sick of April being shipped with the turtles you have NO IDEA BRO😭😭😭 It’s never once been done well imo, Mutant Mayhem was definitely the least egregious but i have this sinking feeling in my stomach that this might change with the series coming up soon. I feel like this franchise as a whole can do without shipping for the turtles, at least in the canon source material. Fanworks can go crazy, more power to em, but i feel like most of the romantic relationships we’ve seen attempted across the franchise proper have just never quite stuck the landing, and at least for me that can really bring down my enjoyment of a show.

9: Also based as fuck, 80’s shredder is so funny I love him and his dynamic with Kraang.

12: I agree! I think it’s a super fucking cool idea to have Casey start out as a cop. Then some inciting incident could happen that maybe exposes some corruption or something to make him realize that operating inside that system is not what he thought it would be, and that if he wants justice to truly be served he needs to take it into his own hands, thus becoming a vigilante. But hooooooly shit did they do this concept dirty. His casting is a big factor here too, no offense to that actor but he just did not fit this character well at all, and his writing was abysmal.

14: I actually do kinda feel this. It’s like you’ve got the other 3 turtles of mildly varying size and builds, and then Raph, who’s just this absolute fucking behemoth. It’s not necessarily his size that’s the problem to me rather than how he looks grouped together with his siblings. I feel like it could’ve worked if they pushed the varying body types a bit more (maybe make mikey just like this teeny lil goblin, Donnie could be taller than raph since spiney softshells irl also get pretty big, but much slimmer by comparison, while Leo keeps a build closer to what we see in canon) Either level the playing field a bit by making Raph a lil smaller or go ALL IN on making them completely different body types from one another. As it stands the lineup is just a lil bit awkward to me.

15: I think the worst part about 2012 Mikey is that sometimes he’s shown to be incredibly competent and then the next he’s like “baby drinking the chemicals in the cabinet under the sink” levels of stupid. Like idk how i’m supposed to be attached to this guy when the writers can’t seem to decide what he even is. Him getting slapped around is definitely excessive, but also he’s an annoying jackass sometimes who needs to learn common sense, and i can’t say i wouldn’t be in the brother’s boat of just getting irritated with him if i was in their position a lot of the time.

16: ABSOLUTELY. The crossovers never do their individual characterization justice because they’d rather make the same “haha look at these dumb 80’s guys, they’re so incompetent and can’t take anything seriously” jokes every time. Just because their series of origin is lighthearted and they’re all capable of doing the funny doesn’t make them all the same character. You saw people making this exact same shitty ass argument when Rise first came out and people saw them all just having fun together and not taking a threat they did not know the magnitude of super seriously. It’s an argument so clearly born of ignorance i feel stupid even dignifying it with a response. The only reason anyone would make this argument is if they just haven’t watched the show.

17: I actually really like them together in 2003, i think their slow burn development is a super fun little side plot to follow that ends really cathartically. Otherwise, 2012 was ass for obvious reasons, I think Rise!April getting with Cassandra is a pretty cool idea, aaaaaaand well the others i just don’t have any strong opinions about. I think they’re pretty boring most of the time but when done right they can be super cute.

18: I feel like a lot of Mikey’s i can see totally vibin with just having a bunch of friends. Like I wouldn’t go as far as saying I think he’s aromantic necessarily, but i don’t see him as being the kind of guy who feels like he needs a romantic connection to be happy. So long as he’s got his buds in the blunt rotation, my guy is perfectly content in life.

19: Based, people using her actions under MIND CONTROL to justify not liking April is yet another example of people bending over backwards to make her look like a bad person when- she’s really not? Like i personally find her a bit irritating but even i can point out that a lot of the criticism made against her are hypocritical at best and downright bad faith at worst.

20: I honestly can’t say i have a favorite canon ship in for this franchise, it’s not really what i come to it for in the first place, but i can see the appeal of Raph and Mona, even if there’s a couple elements of it i’d personally tweak.

Some of My TMNT Hot Takes 🔥

Warning: Opinions

2012 April was a good character and a fun version/take on April. Y’all are just mean.

Casey Jr. in the Rise movie was a bland and uninteresting character. He did not feel like/deserve to be called a “Casey Jones”.

Jennika in IDW, while a cool concept/character, is overused/overrated.

I don’t like shipping Raph (any version) with human characters. I prefer him dating other mutants or aliens.

2012 Karai is the best/most interesting version of Karai, but she’s also one of the most irritating recurring characters in 2012. I love and hate her.

Jonatello in 2012 is overrated as hell.

Rise Mikey is very forgettable (to me).

April needs to stop being shipped with the Turtles and being their love interest.

87 Shredder is the BEST version of Shredder!

I liked the Irma being a robot twist in 2012. It was an injustice to the Irma character but it was still shocking, and I do like her kinda return as Rook, so there’s some credit to that.

2007 Splinter was a bad dad.

Casey being a cop in the bayverse movies was an interesting take that could’ve worked for his backstory of becoming a vigilante, but it was executed poorly.

IDW Donnie x Mona Lisa is stupid and a completely pointless ship to include in the comics. It feels very forced.

Rise Raph is too big. That, or the other characters are too small. Either way, while I like Rise Raph, his design feels off sometimes.

2012 Mikey is actually annoying and often deserves to be scolded by his brothers for doing dumb immature shit. He’s 15, not 5, he should know better.

The 87 Turtles DO have individual and unique personalities, that includes 87 Leo!

Capril is not a good ship, but I’d still much rather ship April with Casey than with any of the Turtles.

While I love 2012 Renetangelo and 87 Kalangelo, Mikey is the one Turtle that I don’t think needs a love interest. I’d much rather see him be single.

If you’re mad at/hate 2012 April for “killing Donnie” when being possessed in that one episode, but don’t feel the same towards Raph, Karai, Slash and Rockwell for torturing/hurting their friends/family when brainwashed, the you’re a massive hypocrite.

Raph x Mona Lisa in 2012 is the BEST TMNT ship that came out of the four TMNT franchises that Nickelodeon has made. Maybe even the best overall couple in all of TMNT.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 1987 #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt #thoughts from the pit

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flip-flopping-frede · 2 years ago

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How I ended up dehumanizing people in my own marginalized community because I idolized them.

I want to acknowledge that I understand that this behavior that I did was dehumanizing, and it caused me to hurt people by perpetuating phobic things.

This is me journaling. So, a bit of time ago, approximately Sept 15, 2021, discovered I am akoiromantic. And yes finding a label that fits is epic and also processing it and accepting it usually takes time. I am someone who is generally romance favorable, however I don’t identify as romance favorable because I am romance ambivalent, meaning my feelings about romance change. Sometimes I can be romance-repulsed, essentially. After some akioromantic—affirming experiences, I started to question if there was even a point to dating or if, how do I say this, it would be possible for me to work with anyone or how I would go about doing that. At some point, I stumbled across cupioromantic and I was like yes! These are my people! This is my target! If I kept my eye on the prize than a relationship could be possible, since cupioros are aromantic/don’t experience romantic attraction.

I basically dehumanized a group of people by idolizing them. It become more extreme, like instead of it stemming from the fact that cupioros don’t experience romo attrac and desiring the romo relationship, it become more about cupioros making me feel safe bc I knew they would never be romo attrac to me (when people are romo attrac to me I avoid them). Obviously this escalated to the point where I discovered people who do experience romo attrac (akoiros like myself) identifying as cupioro. And this made me feel unsafe I guess and I did not like it, so I basically asked permission from other cupioros if I was allowed to gatekeep cupioromanticsm by saying if you are arospec/experience romo attrac you can’t be cupioro. (I did not say it that bluntly and did not realize I was idolizing cupioros until later on). For the most part there was discussion and yes at points I did feel like I was not being validated, however people mostly seemed interested in educating me and sharing their experiences, which meant I was getting a lot of attention that I appreciated.

It really sucks and is honestly a bit scary to see that I’m capable of idolizing an entire group of people. It is also probably shows that I’m drawn to people/relationships that would fail, since a lot of cupioros say they *wish* they could experience romo attraction, and even tho I always brushed this off as internalized arophobia and not accepting that they are aro, I have to accept that there are some members in the cupioro community who are not aro, but arospec. Example today I read the experiences of someone who never had a crush before, and they identified as cupioro. And then they eventually realized they were demi with their current partner. I think it would make sense to “switch” labels, however if they person felt validated and comfortable by the cupioro label and/or in the cupioro community, then it makes sense in my mind for them to still call themselves cupioro and/or remain in the cupioro community.

However, in my mind it also makes me feel unsafe and threatened, and that is when I realized I was dehumanizing a marginalized group of people by dehumanizing them. In terms of dating, “aro” does not make me feel safe because it is wildly common for arospec people to throw their labels away and just identify as aro.

I feel like I have to some accepting on my part, and I feel like I also have to do some internal work as well. I really caused some emotional distress and I actually entertained the idea of gatekeeping and invalidating people (something against my values) all because I idolized a group of people that already suffers from internalized cupiorophobia and cupiorophobia. I feel bad and I think I felt a lot of shame, anxiety, anticipation and dread yesterday (especially because one of the people didn’t validate me at all and was more focusing on talking at me and invalidated what I said), but I think at the moment the most significant emotion I am experiencing is disappointment. I was so proud of myself for breaking off my fp relationship in summer 2021 and not developing a full-on fp relationship this time, only to realize I have been idolizing cupioromantics. It wasn’t even a specific person or certain people, it was a marginalized arospec orientation. I didn’t think I was capable of that, I didn’t think I was that desperate for some sort of hope for a potential relationship to work out.

Sure, I can try aro4aro or aro on aro dating, however like I said the arospecphobia is really bad so arospecs may identify as aro. This means people who experience romo attrac may use the label aro or aroace. This is such a big deal for me because these are potential friends. Sometimes, as an akoiromantic, I can experience romantic repulsion towards the people who I was romo attracted to, after they express romo attraction towards me. And idk with BPD and having 0 support system I feel like I would just destroy the friendship/relationship or avoid them. And that just makes me feel sad.

I just have a refreshed feeling of hopelessness manifesting as the BPD symptom of emptiness. Sure, it is possible that there is someone out there who is my “right person” or “ideal person” or “right/ideal people”, and also, I don’t feel like going through the pain of starting and loosing so many potential friendships in the name of romance repulsion or BPD splitting, or worse, enduring what feels like “romantic attraction” towards me. It would probably be really helpful for me to work on the DBT skill of mindfulness so I can identify idolization behaviors or “splitting white” on someone or something more quickly, before I start doing behaviors that go against my own morals and values in the name of being emotionally regulated or having something to focus on. 🤷🏽

#internalized arophobia #internalized akoirophobia #internalized arospecphobia #cupiorophobia #BPD splitting #splitting white #idolization #idolizing #putting on a pedestal #disappointed in myself #I wish I wasn’t like this #why do I have to hurt people #BPD #BPD emptiness

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winslowat3am · 2 years ago

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You prob won’t see this but hi! I follow you and your beautiful wife bc of your love for black women and life tips! I wanna share a story that happened yesterday where I was harassed in a gas station by an aggressive black male security guard and get nonblack poc feedback bc I no longer feel safe around black men and just curious to what advice or thoughts you have.

Last night I walked inside a pilot gas station to use the restroom where I wore a yellow camo track suit with the hood up bc I was cold. The security told me to take my hood down even tho there was no policy where I could see and followed me to the restroom door and called me out my name (I heard him thru the door), after I finished in the restroom I went to confront him at the register he was hiding behind where we got into a heated verbal exchange , I cussed him out amd I hurt his ego evidently bc he felt the need to follow me outside to escalate it but I outtalked him and got in my car. I never took my hood down. I went back in the gas station with a girlfriend for water after informing her of what happened where he then tried to make me remove my hood again and tried to encourage the women at the registers to refuse me service bc I wouldn’t remove my hood, we got into it again. He was aggressive, approached me slamming his hand on the counter, got loud, and sensitive bc I got the best of him twice verbally and in the end I still got the water and never took my hood down; the nice white lady at the register took my money from my friend who paid for it, the black woman at the register was a m@mmy. He nitpicked my outfit and physical appearance but ppl passing thru wore hoods and had pants hanging off their asses, tummy shirts, brought dogs in the store, but was never harassed like I was. I don’t have a problem following a policy but I won’t follow a policy when it’s enforced on me but no one else. So I called the police and they told me to file a complaint with corporate and see what I can do about it so I will be calling them in the morning. Did I mention the security tried to get me banned for trespassing just bc i didn’t back down and verbally whooped him?? LOLL!!! I’ll be carrying a switchblade from now on and learning to shoot a gun real soon!

Read my tags. I'm assuming you're a bw? It doesn't take all the hoodrat buffoonery Glocktavious displayed to ask someone to remove their hood. Talk to a lawyer, they'll help you go about prosecuting Dustavious the right way. So unprofessional. I hope this isn't a late response, I don't really check Tumblr lately or read every ask but yours grabbed my attention. You did the right thing! Always stand up for yourself. You're a savage for checking his ass. Never be afraid of a man, & keep a weapon on you. 👏👏👏👏Insecure, pussy "men" pick fights with women, they think being aggressive & loud intimidates you & they never prepare for a strong retort that shuts their shit down. My completely honest & straightforward unfiltered pov: We need to address the fact that the bullying of bw is a problematic behavior that is perpetuated by bm primarily (not all, but atp it's so common it might as well be). You'd be better off opening up your dating options to men outside of your race, tbh. (Be very selective & careful when itrl dating). Non-bm build their communities & protect their women. [Redacted] That's why I don't understand why some ww leave wm, who have privilege & power, for bm, who 9/10 don't have anything to offer except dick, kids & struggle love. Even when bm manage to have success it doesn't change their crusty ass mentality. I recently learned that a bw is killed by a bm every six hours. [Redacted] Bm are the only race of men who publicly bash, degrade & bully their race of women while praising, fetishizing & worshipping non-bw. But you can't expect men who hate themselves to love or value you. I see the bs bw have to deal with daily & it saddens me. I feel like they target bw cause they think it'll make them men & acceptable in the eyes of wm, it's embarrassing. [Redacted] I can't imagine treating my baby like that. [Redacted] I'll never post or reblog a "this is a safe space for everyone" post. It's not. I don't post for them. I don't want racists/colorists in my space where bw & woc tell me that they feel safe, seen & protected. I gatekeep my blog so that you're safe expressing your feelings here. I thought it was obvious since I never acknowledge bm but it needs to be said. I 100% agree with the bw advising bw to choose higher quality men. You should watch Cynthia G & Paris Milan on YouTube & other black women who cover domestic & racial topics, it's very educational & insightful, they offer a lot of perspective & I agree with so many points they make. [Redacted] The best advice I can give you is to run & never look back. Good luck. ❤️

#you can sue him personally for discrimination & verbal harassment & file a complaint with corporate #If you're banned from the store then you can have the cops get his information & press charges #once corporate finds out about the incident he'll more than likely lose his job #Make sure to stress that he intentionally embarrassed you by making a scene followed you to the bathroom & outside of the store in attempt #to escalate the situation he was highly aggressive & approached you & that you felt scared for your safety which caused emotional distress #those are super important details & ultimately where he fucked up #& if you're able to write down the date/time this occurred & have the camera footage obtained by police & your friends as witnesses #it'll help your case #The moment someone loses their cool & lowers themself even lower than they already are you already won #As you go through life the more jackasses you'll encounter & you'll become so immune that shit won't even anger you the way it used to #Speaking from experience #I don't see him living long cause losers who fuck with people & think being loud & ghetto gives them an upper hand never live a long life #toxic masculinity is a fear of strong women masked by a fraudulent superiority complex #he's corny asf if the only thing he could think to call you was ugly like what guy doesn't automatically run to that as an insult?#They even use it when they get rejected it's always that or 'bitch' cause they're sooo original #they're tiring #long post #ask

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marsgod · 2 years ago

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omg i just had a thought … what if a transfer student came to nrc had a similar unique magic to valentine (the guy from “why do ghouls fall in love?” !!! he was always one of my favs) and knew jamils/leona’s s/o from a past encounter .. and wanted their heart … starts screaming and throwing things

- jamil anon

OMFG MONSTER HIGH MONSTER HIGHMONSTERHIGH— OFF TOPIC BUT RLLY ON TOPIC BC I FOUND OUT MY SCHOOL HAS SOME MONSTER HIGH DIARY BOOKS AND<333 SCHOOL W

also i was gonna work on this after matchups but i love this so much

⇢ Jamil, Leona x Gn! Reader

⇢Warnings; maybe slight angst, cussing, reader cheats on leona w/ val (just referenced tho)

Leona would probably avoid the transfer student anyways, seeing as they’re from RSA originally, like, he doesn’t honestly care enough to purposely bother them but will avoid and/scowl at them if the transfer is in his way.

ignores the bad feeling when you know him, but huffs when he sees the both of you talking to eachother

You were talking to the Valentine kid again, Leona wouldn’t say that was a problem but what was was the fact that you kept staring at him, longer than a normal person would. Val wasn’t unattractive by any means, but considering you were, if you maybe hadn’t caught on, were dating him? A little bit strange.

Leona huffed and walked up, not speaking a word, but staring Val in the face from behind you until he awkwardly excused himself.

Honestly, Leona would notice right as you two start drifting apart, but wouldn’t do anything out of anger

It’s not that he realizes Val’s Unique Magic, but thinks you’re genuinely in love with him

Leona was pissed, more pissed than he could describe, you told him that the both of you were friends! And then- And then you don’t even have the decency to break up with him before kissing Val?! Proceeding to not only break up with him, cheat on him, but also just plain embarrass him?

After Leona was done destroying his room in a fit of anger, he tiredly looked around, still breathing heavily. He didn’t know what he did wrong, just what you did.

He avoids the both of you, which basically leads to him sleeping and being even grumpier, which makes things 10x harder for Ruggie, who’s desperately trying to find out what the hell’s wrong!?

okay so i can’t really process how this (monster high) would translate to twst, but imagining that it did, Leona is extremely pissed at Val and will try to “extremely hurt” him, or scare the crap out of him with threats until he leaves (willingly preferably, but not is fine with him)

finds it hard to trust you again, and will be a lot more grumpy with any events having to do with RSA

Has a couple of issues with any “friends” you have that he doesn’t know of already, Leona ends up being more protective and hostile towards others

Jamil doesn’t have any thoughts on Val, so long as he doesn’t get in the way of what needs to be done

He doesn’t go out of his way to insult or befriend Val, but makes it known that nothing of his behavior will change solely due to Val’s relationship with you

Val wasn’t awful, Jamil could admit that much, but it’s not like there was any point in interacting with him further than you and him hanging out, or working on an assignment together, and Jamil doesn’t plan there to be. What Jamil couldn’t admit, however, is how much his eye twitched whenever Val go so, so close to you.

Jamil, as much as he hates it, will tell you his observations and.. Well, if you’re so sure about the fact you both were just friends, Jamil won’t push too much

That being said, after that talk, he’s constantly aware of how much you two hang around and just how close Val gets to you

Jamil sighed, annoyed most of all, he didn’t see why you were staying with him if you obviously liked Val, honestly, what was the point in dragging this out?

Now, Kalim is horrified when it comes out you both broke up! You two had the perfect relationship, and you were so happy too! What happened?!

Jamil refuses to talk to anyone about it above “It just didn’t work out”, so Kalim obviously does the reasonable and confronts you!

Kalim was (probably) always there when you and Jamil fell in love, and whatever this was, your constant heart eyes and lengths of paragraphs of praise towards Val, was not at all love..

“Oh, come on, Jamil! I don’t know what got into (name) but something must’ve happened! You have to talk to them!”

Jamil silently scoffed, what could come of that but unnecessary trouble?

Kalim would have to be the one to do most of the saving, simply because Jamil is still upset about the whole ordeal

Jamil, knowing about Val and his power, will, of course, take on with proper Jamil fashion and make Vals life a living hell (in minor or major inconveniences) for the rest of his stay at NRC<33

(Totally not self indulgent at all) (or just a tiny bit, as a treat<33)

Doesn’t completely not trust you, because he knows it wasn’t your fault, but also can’t find himself completely trusting your friends again, it can slowly be brought back up to that point

#{..jamil anon..}#twst x reader #twst headcanons #twst #twisted wonderland #twst jamil #jamil x reader #twst leona #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #gn! reader #gn!reader #{..🌸writing🌸..}

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 4 years ago

Text

another helping of living w/ bakugou thoughts:

pls i am so sorry, i feel like i bombard y’all with these constantly, but u don’t understand, he literally lives in my brain full time

- if you’re rolling your sleeves up, to wash your hands before dinner, he’ll whack your hands away and do it himself. very much “you’re takin’ too long, idiot. i wanna eat already. let me do it.”,, don’t be fooled tho, you could do it in 2.5 seconds and he’d still open his mouth. bc it has absolutely nothing to do with u and everything to do with him wanting to be close to you

-ik he watches the mha equivalent of the history channel. i just know it. dude is a grandpa at heart, n im so confident he would 100% sit down and watch a 3 hr docu on like, old weaponry or some nerdy shit

-bakugou is annoyingly arrogant, but only about things that don’t matter. like, he’ll fully sit in front of you and tell you he’s stronger/faster/smarter in passing conversation,, but when he does actually impressive shit??? the man clams up. absolutely clams up the second you praise him, trying to brush off whatever ridiculous feat he just pulled to protect u with a “It’s not that big a deal, shut up about it already, dumbass.”

- pls mans is an absolute simp. u ask him to do something and he’s on his feet in a second. ofc he’s complaining but he’s also then following that up by doing things you didn’t even ask him to do. fan behavior honestly.

-when you’ve had a bad day, he’ll make u food and throw blankets in the dryer for u. don’t expect much verbal comforting from him, bc obviously, but he’s pretty good with actions. you always feel a little warmer after he’s wrapped you in a blanket n fed you something ungodly spicy

- i have absolutely no basis for this but ik he secretly watches kids movies. like, if it’s animated then he’s there. ofc no one is allowed to find out about this ‘embarrassing’ behavior tho, except maybe you. maybe. if you accidentally happen to see it bc he’d never tell u himself.

- he’s a beast to wake up in the morning, but he’s a lot more easy to convince if u pet his hair. or rub his back/shoulders. maybe even kiss his neck. look, u cannot tell me that he doesn’t want to be absolutely coddled in the morning- especially when he can get away with it so easily.

-bakugou always pulls ur legs into his lap if u sit down next to him. pls he’s so weird, he’ll just like, tap his fingers on ur calves absentmindedly while he’s watching tv

-he probably created a playlist of songs ur ‘allowed’ to play around him. meaning, it’s only the songs on ur phone that he likes 🙄

-bakugou always takes his work phone calls outside. like if his phone rings he’ll just stand up n walk tf out the door to take it. even if it’s cold. u ask him once about it n he just “Work stays at work. This is my fuckin’ home. Now shut up about it already.”

-you’ve never once seen this man wearing socks around the house. don’t ask me, i cannot explain this whatsoever, but i just kno this man walks around constantly barefoot 🤢🤮 unfortunately.

-he’s like, the most functional person ever in almost every aspect, but the stuff katsuki is bad at?? pls he is hopelessly bad. like, lets say art stuff. omg he just doesnt have the patience for it, okay, so say goodbye to any dreams of cute lil couple’s crafts. like, he’ll sit there while u do yours, but his will look like utter shit

- during the week, katsuki is either at work, training, or at home. pls, he works so hard during the day that i highly doubt he’s anything but an absolute homebody during the work week.

- bakugou gets pissy if u re-arrange any of the furniture on a whim. pls he likes comfort and familiarity n if he stubs his toe on the stupid coffee table one more fucking time, he’s going to scream

-its a rare occurance,, especially bc of the crazy hours he works,, but bakugou rlly likes making dinner for u to come home to. he just likes to feel like he’s taking care of u tbh

-he still goes to bed at like 8:30. or thats what u think, but rlly he just goes to sit in your room and have some time to himself for a bit. as much as he loves u, he prob still needs some alone time to recharge

-bakugou takes meticulous care of any plants u have in the house. like he’ll water them on a strict-ass schedule, n preen them when necessary. pls the way he’ll curse them out if they even dare to wilt under his care?? very much “What the hell, you bitch? ‘m doin’ everything fuckin’ perfect! Grow already!”

-katsuki is such a little bitch when he’s sick. he’ll be running like a 103 temp, brain literally melting, and still trying to get up and work out. the only way u can get him to chill the hell out is if u take a nap with him. ofc that means u always get sick too,, but hey- lil sacrifices right??

-he never lets you get the door. like, if there’s a knock n neither of u knows who it could be,, pls he’s on his feet so fast. waving u away n looking thru the keyhole w/ sm suspicion

-he has his spot on the couch, n u will not find him sitting anywhere else. like, that’s his spot. u better pray for anybody who mistakenly takes it

-bakugou doesn’t like dirt or grime, so he won’t allow you or himself, to sit on your bed with clothes that have been outside. like, even if you’re just sitting on top of the covers, he’s gonna throw a fit and demand you change your clothes first bc “No way in hell am I gonna let your dumbass dirty up my bed.”

-katsuki rlly likes when it storms outside. he’ll go sit in front of the window and watch the rain, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for more thunder.

-living with bakugou is incredibly frustrating, bc he’ll just show up with new skills all of the goddamn time. like you’ll be like, “hmm i’d love to remodel the bathroom someday”,, and the very next weekend bakugou is meticulously re-tiling the bathroom floor by hand, probably also painting the walls in a new color, maybe even installing a new sink just to spruce it up. n then he’ll just present the entirely new, upgraded room with such weird nonchalance that it pisses u off. pls and if you watch him while he does these little projects, with all the weird precision and skill he suddenly gains?? pls you’re sure he must be possessed by the ghost of a craftsman

- when he hangs out with the bakusquad, he’ll drag you along every time. he expects you to sit with him the entire time and act as a social buffer?? basically, someone’ll ask him a question, one he deems stupid and therefore not worth answering, and bakugou will just look at you expectantly. he’ll just stare at you blankly, hardly even blinking until you pick up the slack and answer for him. you call him out on this many times, but it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. he does this over and over and over again

-bakugou gets really unsettled when you guys fight. like, he can’t sleep and he’s snapping at everybody, and is somehow more aggressive than usual. he always wants to just make up already, but the pride in the way won’t allow it

-he’s a weird stickler about intended furniture functionality?? like, the table is for eating, and the couch is for watching tv, and then only way you’re gonna get him to mix the two is if you ask him rlly rlly nicely

-finally- i have no basis for this one, but ik it in my heart: bakugou has a very intense fight with your thermostat nearly every single day. he swears up and down that it never ‘behaves’ for him, but every time you check it, it’s working perfectly fine

--/--

ahahhaa sorry y’all for the super random spam today,, but here were are back to our regularly scheduled bakugou programming,,,, bc idk if it’s obvious ur honor, but i love him

#bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x self insert #bakugou hcs #bakugou headcannons #bakugou fluff #bnha fic #mha fic #mha headcannons #bnha headcannons

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shingia · 4 years ago

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Could I request Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Sakusa, Miya twins, and Tendou with a reader who used to self harm but was sober for a while, only to relapse after they left bc of a huge argument then please and thanks? Sorry if that’s really intense tho. And thank u for being so nice🙂💞

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

ok i reaaally hope this is what you expected. i didn’t know what kind of ending you wanted but i decided that you, my friend, needed comfort, so i gave you comfort because you deserve it ❤️️

i hope reading this will make you feel better! kisses on your nose ❤️️

type : (strong) angst | word count : 4.4K

warnings : mentions of self-harm, depiction of depressive behavior (plz do not read if any of these might trigger something, i want you all to be safe <3)

⇀ 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

« fuck you, kuroo. fuck. you. ». those were the last words you had told him. they had hurt, but they were nothing compared to the last words he had told you, the words that kept playing over and over in your head as you slowly felt yourself drift to your old habits again : « i’m done with you ».

was it your fault ? did you push him over the edge ? you had many questions to ask kuroo, but he wasn’t there to answer anymore. so these thoughts were left spiraling in your head as you started to lose balance between love and pain. because his love used to be the cure to your pain. so now what ? what were you supposed to do other than going back to your old habits ? you couldn’t think of any answer.

on monday morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier because, first of all, you needed some time for the swelling of your eyes to go down, and second of all, you needed to mentally prepare yourself to see kuroo again. it had been two days since your fight, and he had not manifested himself once. it seemed to be well and truly over ; and that thought had been the main cause of the collapsing of your mental strength over the last two days.

during your first period, although you were avoiding his gaze, kuroo couldn’t help but cast glances in your direction. because he knew you better than anyone, and he could only imagine how hurt you were.

but he really started to get suspicious when he noticed you were not raising your hand to correct today’s homework. he had helped you with that last week, and you had told him that you felt confident enough to propose your correction to the class ; which rarely happened. so why weren’t you raising your hand ?

he had a bad feeling about the answer… he didn’t care about giving you quick glances anymore, he just stared at your arms until one of your movements would make your sleeve reveal just a few inches of your skin.

and he was horrified to have his fears confirmed. the cuts that he had so often kissed while holding you in his arms were back. and he knew it was all because of him. and although his first thought was that it was not his job to heal them anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to act unbothered.

he had loved you for long enough to know that you needed him right now. or maybe he still loved you ? it was not clear, but it didn’t matter right now. what mattered was that he needed you to listen to what he wanted to say, even if that was the last thing you accepted to hear from him.

« y/n, we need to talk » he told you once you got out of the classroom. you looked up at him ; his face was unusually austere. he carefully grabbed your shoulder and took you away from everyone else.

« i can’t… i couldn’t walk out of there pretending like i didn’t see what your arms looked like » he started. « now listen, i know i fucked up, but i still care. and you still matter. whatever our relationship is doesn’t define you and most importantly, these don’t define you » he pointed at your wrists, his brows furrowed with concern. « so please, i’m begging you, keep in mind that i’m always here if you need to talk. always. and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but in that case, please find someone else. for the sake of everything we've been through together, don't let everything you’ve accomplished go to waste » and he wrapped his arms around you in the strongest hug he had ever given.

⇀ 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

it had already been a week. and bokuto had absolutely no idea what to do. call you ? text you ? probably not. what would he even say ? « hi, sorry for slamming the door in your face after screaming at you for fifteen minutes. am i still your boyfriend ? » awful idea.

and while bokuto was pondering every option he had left to get in touch with you, you were left in the darkest place of your mind. and you hadn’t felt like that in a few months. because bokuto used to always be there, his number on speed dial whenever you feared you would relapse. and thanks to his unwavering support, you hadn’t. but was there anything in this world that was truly unwavering ? you really started to doubt it. and now that bokuto had left you, what could carry the pain away ? whatever the answer was, you were in no condition to think rationally about it.

you remembered how he used to celebrate every improvement in your mental health, how strong of a cornerstone he had been for you. and just the fact of not knowing where you guys were at after your fight was enough to make you feel like you were drowning again.

you were overflowing with emotions that you thought you couldn’t control, and apart from holding on tight to bokuto’s chest, you only knew one way to feel better.

you loved him, you really did. but after a week without hearing from him, you started to think that maybe his feelings were not as real as he pretended they were. and how could you not blame him for that ? for letting you down so fast ?

curled up in your bed, tears were streaming down your face ; because you felt weaker than you had promised yourself to be. you were exhausted, in every sense of the word, yet there was still a tiny bit of strength left in your body that made you grab your phone and open your conversation with bokuto. the last message was a bitter pill to swallow : « no problem babe, i’m always here for you ». it was just a week ago but it felt like an eternity had passed. your fingers started slowly typing on the screen and immediately hit sent, knowing that you would second guess your message if you re-read it. « can we talk? », just three words, it was the maximum you could get off of your chest right now.

but bokuto did not answer. for the simple reason that he was too busy catching his breath in front of your door. he frantically knocked, not stopping until you opened it.

« oh my god, are you okay ?! » he exclaimed, patting your entire body like he wanted to make sure you were well and truly there. and once he had made sure of that, he pulled you against his chest like he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. « did- did you… » he ventured to ask, not wanting to finish his sentence precisely because he was afraid of your answer. but when he heard you let out a muffled sob against his chest, his fears instantly got replaced by guilt. more than he had ever felt. « you’re alright, i got you. i got you now… » he murmured, his hands stroking your back tenderly. « we’ll get through this together, ok ? we’ll show the world how strong you are. because i know you are. »

⇀ 𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚

yes, sakusa had run away. and he was glad he had. because he knew how hurtful he could be with his words, and he had enough respect not to inflict that to you. but as he made his way back home, doubt started installing in his head. what if he shouldn’t have left you after your fight ? he immediately shook the thought away. no, you were good now. you were better. nothing like who you were when he met you.

and sakusa could be very convincing when he needed to, including with himself. that’s why he didn’t get in touch with you for the next three days, because he thought you just needed some time for yourself.

but when he received a worried text from komori when he got out of the gym after practice, he changed his mind within seconds. « i just saw y/n, something felt off. maybe you should check on them ? ».

sakusa felt a wave of guilt descend upon of him. of course he should. it was his fucking job to offer you his help, even when he thought you didn’t need it. and especially when he knew what you had already been through. he cursed himself all the way to your house, where he could only imagine how lonely you felt. not wanting to waste any more time, he pulled out his phone to call you. and heaved a relieved sigh at the sound of your voice : « hey, are you ok ? like, right now are you doing ok ? » he asked hastily.

you sat on your bed and rubbed your strained eyes, fiddling with the cloth of your t-shirt. « i- yeah, i’m good… » you lied. « i’m at your door, open up please, i gotta see you » he said before hanging up.

you knew sakusa was not going to take no for an answer. so, after wiping your tears and putting on a long-sleeved hoodie and sweatpants, you went to open the door.

« hi… » you uttered quietly. sakusa didn’t dare to move. he had been so determined to get to your house, but now that you were standing in front of him, he wasn’t so sure of what he was supposed to do.

you decided to be the first to break the silence, « i’m okay. and i’m sorr… » « sorry. about everything. » he pre-empted you. seeing you like this made him fear the worst. so he gently grabbed your wrists like he wanted to hold your hands, when in reality he just wanted to confirm his thoughts. and when he saw you stiffen at his touch, he knew he had guessed right. « come here » he whispered before going in for a hug. but you pulled away at the last second. « can we… go to my room ? i- i feel better there » you asked timidly.

he didn’t even answer and simply wrapped his arm around your shoulder before taking you to your bedroom where you immediately curled up on your bed. you didn’t want sakusa to see you like this, but you were in no position to fight back anymore. quietly, he laid beside you and pulled you in a warm embrace, just tight enough to let you know that he got you now.

when he noticed you were trying to find something to say, to explain yourself, he shushed you with a kiss on your shoulder. « you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. but i want you to listen to me very carefully : don’t ever think that you’re back to square one now. you’ve dealt with this before, you’ve grown and you can do it again as long as you promise yourself to get back up. and i won’t leave your side. you deserve so much more than what you give yourself, and i’m here to remind you »

⇀ 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚

tsukishima’s pride was important to him, everyone knew it. the only thing he valued as much as his pride was probably you. but during your arguments, the scale always tipped in his pride’s favor, you simply could not compete.

but surprisingly enough, it was you who had told him to go away after getting in the most heated argument you had ever had. and he didn’t have to be told twice : you had shattered his beloved pride, and he was not going to stay here begging for your mercy.

he still loved you, but he also had no problem ignoring you at school. yet for some reason, this argument didn’t sit well with him. well, no arguments ever sat well with him, but today felt different.

ignoring you was one of the most hurtful things tsukishima could ever do to you. he had helped you through so much, and suddenly becoming a stranger to him was slowly bringing you back down.

« it’s just one time, i won’t relapse » you thought the first time you tried to cope with the pain the way you used to. but you feared it wouldn’t be just one time. you were diving into what you had said goodbye to ; but now that tsukishima was ignoring you, there was no one to stop you from falling, right ?

well, that would have been true if he hadn’t kept a discreet but attentive eye on you. which is why he knew very well that you had gone back to your old habits. and he needed to do something about it.

but he wasn’t good with words, and he feared that actions would not be enough this time. he needed something more permanent, something that you could keep with you all the time. so he decided to do something he had never done before, and gave it to you as soon as it was done…

receiving a letter from tsukishima was definitely not something you expected. but what was written in it was even less expected.

« i’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but… i really need you to stop being so hard on yourself. i know it’s not something i usually say, but i fell in love with you because i learned to love your imperfections. and you have to start doing the same about yourself. please. and if you need to be held, to be listened to, i’ll be there. but i wanted to write something because i want you to be able to read this as much as you need, as much as you want. i want you to get better, but even more than that, i want you to want to get better. you can do it, i believe in you more than you can think. please come to me if you need it. i love you ».

the tears that streamed down your face had a salty taste, but for the first time in a long time, they tasted like hope as well. and the next time you came face to face with yourself and your thoughts, your eyes found find their way back to the letter, and you knew that there were people that still believed in you, counted on you, loved you. tsukki was just the first one of a long list. (<3)

⇀ 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

he had been there through everything. more than you would have imagined. which is probably why you felt desperately empty ever since he got so angry at you that he left without looking back. but at the time, it simply had not crossed his mind that you would suffer so deeply from his words.

but you did. a lot. and that was the reason you found yourself crying on your bedroom floor, not even able to be mad at anyone but yourself.

still oblivious to the true damage, atsumu thought he could get back to you by pretending like nothing had happened. he often did that because, to him, what was in the past belonged in the past. except that today, and in your situation, it could not work.

« wanna grab something to eat ? » was the first text he sent you. and you didn’t feel like answering, so you didn’t. « are you still mad ? i’m not <3 » was the second one. but you still didn’t feel like answering. maybe it was your fault ? maybe you were overreacting while you were just supposed to play it cool like he did ? but you would have played it cool if you knew how to.

when atsumu decided to go to your house, it was initially to apologize in person. he had not planned on seeing you looking the way you did, which was a heart-wrenching reminder of the dark period of time you had gotten through together. but here he was, standing in front of you, feeling more helpless than ever. he knew too well the look into your eyes, one that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

he dropped the pack of snacks he was holding in his hands before cupping your cheeks. « oh no, no, no. i fucked up, didn’t i ? i am… so so so sorry. c-can you forgive me ? » he stammered, absolute panic in his eyes as he took you in his arms. why would i have to forgive you ? you thought. i’m the only one to blame.

but atsumu seemed to also hear the things you didn’t say, and he refused to let you feel guilty for anything. ever so gently, he took your hands in his before placing the softest kisses on your wrists that were still covered by the sleeves of your hoodie. « i probably won’t ever forgive myself for leaving you alone. but promise me you’ll always come to me if you need help, or any kind of support, hugs, kisses… you name it. i’ll be your coping mechanism, and i’ll be the best you’ve ever had »

and he kept holding you for a long time, at least until he felt your breath become steady again. and if you thought atsumu was doting before, prepare yourself to be even more amazed now.

⇀ 𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

fighting with osamu was not frequent, fortunately. but when fights occured, it was bad. really bad. he tended to think that you could endure as much as atsumu when it came to harsh words ; but you couldn’t.

kind of like his brother, samu had a tendency to leave the past behind and pretend like nothing happened when he got in touch with you after a fight. and that’s what he did a week ago, after one of the biggest arguments that you had ever had.

too happy that he seemed to still want to be your boyfriend, you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you had gone back to your old habits during the time you were on bad terms. but as they said, old habits died hard, and your destructive thoughts were still very present even when things seemed to have gotten back to normal.

yet samu was not blind, and he noticed that you were acting a bit more distant since last week, since your fight. but he still thought that your problems could be solved by just keeping on pretending like everything was ok. and eventually, things would turn out ok by themselves, right ?

you were laying on his bed, turned on your side as you scrolled on your phone. usually you would have had an arm swung around him, but you didn’t want to take any risk, so you kept your distances.

« hey, come closer baby. we’ve barely cuddled today » he told you before lazily wrapping his arm around your waist.

feeling nervous, you swallowed the lump in your throat before putting your phone on the nightstand. « i’m going to sleep, samu », you said, stretching your arm to turn off the light.

but he was quicker than you and gently grabbed your arm, careful not to apply any pressure on it. his eyes widened, he had barely seen your wrist but it had been enough to notice that the scars were recent. he put two and two together and looked at you dead in the eyes ; you looked ashamed, and it broke his heart. « when did y- was it because of me ? » he asked, his voice faintly shaking. you pulled away from his hand and held your arm against you, sinking in the pillow. « no, of course not. it’s nothing » you breathed out, looking away to avoid his gaze. but he was quick to make you face him again, with a slight pressure of his fingertips on your red cheeks. « there’s only one thing that i hate more than seeing you in pain. it’s knowing that i caused this pain. let me help you, y/n. please. you deserve to feel better. i’m sorry i didn’t give you as much love as you gave me. and i’m sorry for behaving like an asshole when you needed me. just… fuck, i just love you ».

tears started prickling the corner of your eyes, but he saw you trying to hold them back. with the most gentle look in his eyes, he proposed to turn off the light if it made you feel better. and you nodded ; you knew that you’d eventually had to have a face-to-face conversation with him. it was the only way to get better. but right now you just wanted to be held without thinking about what he’d see. or wouldn’t see.

so he turned off the light and let yourself get comfortable in bed before wrapping you in his embrace once again. his soft breath against your neck was obviously not enough to make all your pain magically go away, but it let you know that he had your back. and it was all that mattered.

⇀ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

« i don’t want to do this anymore, y/n ! » tendou had yelled, making this sentence the peak of your argument. six words, and they were on replay in your minds since four days. you couldn’t believe that almost two years of relationship had ended so abruptly. but you had to face the truth : tendou had enough of you. and obviously you linked that to the turbulent start of your relationship. you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to deal with your self harm when you had just started dating. yet he had managed to make you feel so much better that you had been sober for about a year, all thanks to him. but maybe you hadn’t been grateful enough ? maybe that was why he had decided to end things now ?

the only thing you knew for sure was that he was gone, and you felt like you had lost your anchor.

you had spent the weekend in your dorm, and it had been a painful weekend. so painful that you did not get out of bed on monday morning ; it was just too much to handle. deep down you knew that you were not handling your problems the right way… and escaping reality was not viable.

but little did you know that tendou wanted nothing more than to see you again in the hallways and finally have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. and when he didn’t see you in class, he started to freak out. he knew how it was to feel alone and rejected ; and he started to fear that he had caused you to feel exactly that. so he did not follow his friends to the cafeteria at lunch and headed to your dorm instead, hoping that you’d open the door.

and you did. thank god you did. but panic started bubbling in his chest when his eyes laid on your face.

« alright, come here » he told you with a forced smile before pulling you in his embrace. truthfully, he didn’t feel like smiling, but he knew that the last thing you needed was to think you made him feel bad. when he was with you, his main goal was to cheer you up, he’d deal with himself later. « angel… did you do it again ? » he asked, his tone being the furthest thing from judgmental. you muttered a quiet apology, your face buried in his white uniform jacket. but something lingered on your mind. angel ? it sounded right, but you knew it wasn’t. not anymore. « don’t apologize ! the only person you owe an apology to is yourself » he whispered against your ear. slowly, he put his hands on your waist before bringing you to your bed where he sat right next to you, still refusing to take his hands off of your body.

« tendou, you don’t have to do this… » you muttered, knowing that you weren’t supposed to be this close anymore. « i’m your ex, you don’t owe me anything ».

he immediately looked down to meet your eyes, an eyebrow raised in confusion. « your ex ? wh- you think i broke up with you ? y/n, when i said that i didn’t want to do this anymore, i was talking about fighting with you ! i’m sorry, i should have texted you these last few days, but i thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me »

a tear rolled down your cheek. tendou’s words sounded like heaven right now. maybe you weren’t alone after all ?

« now, do you need me to get you something ? band-aids ? anything ? » he asked, caressing your hair with his right hand. you nodded your head no and kept your head buried in his neck, like you were waiting for his scent to go to your head. « i know you’ve been through a lot, and i’m proud of you no matter what. but, you know… even though i have enough love for the both of us, i’d really want you to have enough love for yourself » he said and placed a kiss on top of your head, waiting for you to say something. but he sensed that you were not ready yet. and he was ok with that, the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure you. it was going to be a long path, but you had already done it, and you were going to do it again. and he’d be there the whole time.

ok so if you’ve read until there it probably means that you needed comfort (i hope i have given you enough) : so if you are in this situation yourself, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help, you can and you will get better. i’m rooting for you like saeko roots for karasuno ❤️️

@toworuu (didn’t forget about you ^^)

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #hq angst #hq comfort #haikyuu comfort #bokuto x trader #kuroo x trader #tsukishima x reader #sakusa x reader #osamu x reader #atsumu x reader #tendou x reader

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saintobio · 3 years ago

Note

I have high hopes that y/n didn’t do that. Personally, I don’t think she would spite him even after all he’s put her through, unless it concerns her health. Even then I still have doubts, she’s very selfless. Then there’s the dialogue between his two best friends. I do recall you saying that they’re soulmates but everything’s is wrong timing for them a while back, so I’m kinda glad she asked for a divorce. In my opinion their relationship was toxic even after the whole Sera ordeal was over, it just seemed like the only thing that could “patch them up” so to say, for y/n and gojo was that baby. And moving her into the mansion he was planning on moving in with sera? My guy…he clearly needs more time to change.

Anonymous said

I can't see y/n giving up that child. She'd risk the labor at the cost of her life. She loves the baby, and no matter how much Gojo hurt her, she'd reason that the child is innocent.

Shoko's behavior... her dad's... I think she's going to have the kid still, but she's too scared to let Gojo be a part of it because she can't trust him with her and the child (just like she said.) I think the "abortion" might have been a ploy to get him to agree to a divorce and/or keep him in the dark about the child. WHICH, I read it closely but I'm hella dyslexic so I think I saw that he never agreed to one or signed any papers right? They're still married? And he hasn't been going out so there's no way he got "served"?

Anonymous said

okay what was shoko tryna say tho?? “it’s not what it seems”????🤨 I’m kinda doubtful reader actually had the abortion.. my heart hurts so much for satoru even though he’s a dick. mans really bought us the mansion he imagined living in with sera… ughhhh tojixreader arc when

Anonymous said

Honestly I think y/n kept the baby. She probably lied to get Gojo to leave her alone, she’s leaving so she can continue the rest of her pregnancy term in peace so she can give birth safely. I just can’t see y/n killing her baby bc of its father’s mistake, u all saw how she cherishes the baby. I feel so bad for gojo tho, he has lost his second family, his reputation is ruined and he believes his baby is dead. U really ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it huh?😭 crying, throwing up, sliding down my the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, and coughing. If u hate us just say that🧍‍♀️

@el13 said

YOU SAID WE COULD HANDLE IT, I COULD NOT HANDLE IT omfg I didn't see that coming. Whether she decided to stay with him or not, I really didn't think she would have an abortion (unless🤔). But holy shit, I feel so much pain for him. I guess sometimes the timing and circumstances just aren't right. Anyways I'm gonna cry myself to sleep now- 😭✌️

Anonymous said

why do i feel like she's keeping the baby but she just doesnt wanna tell mr gojo the dumbass bitch? 😈😈 i think this chapter hurts a whole of a lot but having to be here since wastelands made me numb as fuck, other than that, another amazing chapter saint 💗 ily, *kiss kiss*

Anonymous said

This chapter hurt a LOT but I think they divorcing is for the best like when you think about it their marriage was so stained with Gojos mistakes and there was no way y/n would ever trust him completely.I know many people think Gojo deserves all this pain and he does but I also think he deserves to get somehow a “happy” ending , I hope he gets therapist and learns to love himself and not to be so codependent of others. He has a lot of work to do and for y/n ( I have the theory she didn’t get an abortion pretty sure she’s moving and raising the child by herself and if she did get one good for her too bc she should always prioritize herself) I hope she finds someone who loves her unconditionally and gives her what she deserves ( if that man is toji or not it really doesn’t matter to me) and I also hope she heals from all the pain Gojo put her thru , she deserves nothing but happiness . And just a final note! The way you write angst is AMAZING!!!

Anonymous said

I wonder if mc rlly went thru with the abortion? if that makes sense, I just feel like it’s very out of character for them. I’m excited to see ch20 !! I love ur writing style it’s so heartbreaking yet beautiful

Anonymous said

Saint… wtf was this? This was so sad omg😢, Satoru’s really going through the shit, but so is Y/N. Ahhh and the little munchkin too🥺?? This was a ton to take in at one time omg. I’m holding out a small amount of hope that the baby isn’t really gone and they are just keeping them away from Gojo, but ik it’s a long shot. I really hope both him and Y/N get a chance to heal from all this, but once again, Gojo really did this to himself (and Y/N) he didn’t have to marry her and treat her like that, but he did and I don’t think he’ll be able to move on with his life and start his healing process until he acknowledges it and stops trying to find an excuse for it. As for Sera… well, I don’t think anybody just deserves to be treated as badly as that, she better understand that’s what she gets for messing around with a married man. She should’ve known better and then treating Y/N like shit… when she was nothing but kind and understanding… yeah I don’t wanna she deserves all of what’s going on considering her situation, but at the same time it’s a lesson learned (Especially with the whole Naoya thing, cause 😬 that was just embarrassing). Anyway, I hope Y/N has a chance to heal and recover from both her angina and her mess of a marriage. Question: did Y/N get the surgery to get rid of her angina? Or is she still waiting? Where is Y/N gonna travel to? And how did Toji react to everything that’s going on? But all in all, this was an amazing chapter Saint, and I really appreciate you doing this on your time when you feel like it. It makes it even more special that you share your talents with us ❤️. Get plenty of rest and drink water ❤️❤️❤️

@minaces said

Pls why do I have a feeling this miraculous fanfiction baby of 5 months somehow lived ??? (Idk how incubation works !!!!!!!!) but like she's leaving the country ,,,, and shoko's little "trust me" just leaves me thinking . . .

I'm like gaslighting myself into thinking that the baby somehow lived idk why I got so attached to this fanfiction fetus

Anonymous said

i will believe there was no abortion, that’s why y/n is going away, and they just wanted to make satoru suffer. yes.

AH BUT FR THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER I CANT STOP CRYING

i felt it all the way to the core. you get to understand gojo’s pain. but i still believe y/n decision were wise and we do not have the reasoning behind them since we just got gojo’s pov.

if he actually proceeded with his actions it would all be in vain, for he would just be escaping the consequences of his actions

AGGGHH im such a sucker for you and your writing

these are all rly good theories you guys !! they’re very interesting to read but i can’t confirm anything rn </3 i’m glad to know that the angst delivered tho 🥺 tysm

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not #tw.abortion

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i-need-air · 4 years ago

Note

Hey it's me again ❤️

I'm just gonna whisper something in your mind (is that even possible?)

Having a baby with Hybrid Katsuki.

Just that. Imagine girl. Perfection.

Ok, real talk here. Every time I see a request from you I uwu a little bit bc I know for a fact whatever you're requesting will make me get so immersed and involved and I'm gonna 💕💞AAAAAA💕💞 while writing AND [lemmecatchmybreath] it happened once again skdjdkfkf Hope you enjoy and sorry it took longer than normal~

Word count: 1.8k

× listen 🥺 I already started and I'm melting, ok?

× when he finds out you're having a smol baby together?

× he freezes and looks at you in a whole different light

× if you're getting pregnant, he will definitely smell the change in your scent and will know even before you do; he'd be instantly by your side with a bewitched expression on his face, taking your cheeks into his palms to just soak everything in yet he's shaking slightly

× and even if you adopt [hopefully a smol hybrid], something deep inside of Katsuki, burried and long forgotten surfaces

× this is the life he always wanted, he always craved even in his darker moments

× this happiness, this fulfillment, this joy

× I absolutely believe he will diligently read and learn everything about the baby to come; will educate himself like no other, deciding to be the very best father he could ever be

× his life was rough and he was stolen away from his biological family, he will now have a chance to have his own and he will not fail you or the baby

× when you hold the little bundle of sunshine in your hands, head down admiring the beauty of a new life, he will stand there, again in shock, again soaking this moment in... so beautiful, so perfect

× will he ever tell you that? of course not; angry ass wild pomeranian—

× but his face gives him away every single time and when you tilt yourself to hand him his new son or daughter, he falls in love for the second time in his life;

× he burries his nose in the soft and fragile skin of the baby's head and breathes in, his instinct kicking in to defend, protect, care, look out for...

× watch carefully because once the baby makes a noise, he'll still, unsure of what to do, but smile so softly as the baby coos in his arms securely; that right there is the best image you can have of soft Katsuki.

× the first few weeks are actually horrible, sorry to break it to everyone aksjskdj not because he doesn't know what to do or does not want to help; on the contrary, he is so incredibly attentive but he also recites the books he learned by memory at this point and it's getting absolutely infuriating;

× although understand him, please; he wants to prove he's a good dad 🥺 except you wanna smack him bc he scoffs if you suggest something he isn't sure about.

× you will find him standing by the baby's crib as it sleeps; he's just???? making sure this is not a dream????? don't question anything though

× can we hc Bakugou with a daughter too? [ already established in the Hybrid!Kiri hcs that Kiri'd have daughter bUT i just really really like beefy men with tiny daughters;;; my heartttt;;; ]

× his little angel, no discussion, no argument, his daughter can do NO WRONG!

× he's very down to earth though, don't get me wrong, he just absolutely adores spoiling her

× speaks softly into her ear, the lowest you'd hear from him

× gruff, raspy, gutural voice ofter overused to scream now low and soft as he holds her into his chest; doesn't do baby-voices or anything like that, but calls her his angel then smirks at you if you're watching;;; then starts softly complaining and bitching about you to the baby 💀 all while rubbing her back

× omfg his hand is as big as her tiny back; guys, call an ambulance, I'm—

× Katsuki would be the type of little shit to pull what I just said then grab you and glue you to his chest too; he'd look down at you both, eyes shining in such adoration he'd take your breath away just before he continues his ranting about you;

× once the baby starts being more interactive, her giggles specially the ones induced by her daddy will make him melt; absolute diminute baby with a small wiggling tail clapping her chubby hands at her dad? his eyes would widen suddently, ears snapping high in surprise and he's taken back by the emotions overtaking him

× he's gone, man; she has him wrapped around her tiny little finger and you can't do anything about it

× instantly acts all in denial if someone is around though; scoffs to hide is obvious smile, placing a palm on his mouth to further block it out and tickles her with the other, earning another fit of giggles

× please, don't tell him his whole tail is waving from side to side

× the only clear giveaway apart from his ears and it's;;; a d o r a b l e;;;

× specially when your daughter also starts wagging her tail in response whenever he does it;

× "Hey, come see what the dumbass is doing!" or "Look at what she did" while showing you a video; proud pappa 🥺

× we're bringing back Proud Bakugou bc hIS DAUGHTER iS tHe BeSt; no, seriously, his kid is the mf best in the world and he will start this presentation with—

× now sit down with me and accept this: the baby; yes, your sweet daughter; mhm, that adorable screeching angel; mhm;;; she'll talk so early it's disturbing.

× at 6 months or so she's already saying mamma, dadda, kitty, woof-woof

× seriously terrifying how sharp she is and how she cannot shut up; for the love of gOd, Katsuki, this is all your fault... it doesn't matter, he just smirks as he has another reason to brag to anyone about his child

× did that street vendor look at him funny? "I'M GONNA FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAUGHTER—"

× super-protective of her and fucking hates with a burning passion if anyone dares to do that thing where they match up babies saying "Maybe they'll get married when they grow up"

× hands down, no filter, he just looks deep down in whoever had the audacity and says "Like fucking shit they'd deserve her."

× drag him away before he throws fists

× he will definitely if you don't drag him away and you know it, they know it, the baby knows it and cheers for pappa, the whole world knows it at this point and they're buying tickets to watch the shitshow

× chest carrier and walks around with the kid like a boss

× man has shit to do, don't even dare to judge him;

× handles fits really well, he's impressive to say at least

× she's spoiled, yes and always has new toys, coloring books, whatever she wants but the moment she throws fits, he puts his foot down

× baby would be smol angery bb all adorable in all her Bakugou genetics anger and he'd just stare, tapping his foot

× literally waits in place until she calms and looks up at him with big, round eyes, puffy red cheeks and ears lowered

× mission accomplished; he nods then picks her up;

× and you're there amazed??????

× "The fuck you lookin' at?" lil shit still has a foul mouth tho, but make him get just as pouty and embarrassed as the child in his arms by saying something cheesy like "How amazing you are as a dad 💕"

× all rainbows and unicorns until she starts repeating insults and fr tho, Katsu almost shits his pants, fearing your reaction. Will, hands down, chill out with the insults even if he meant no damage with them; he has this unreadable expression on, a mix of shame and fluster, dread too? he's sorry, ok????

× loves, loves, loves cooking for you both and once the kiddo has her own special chair to sit at the dining table together, that's when he sees it: his dream

× you, wiping some food off her cheek with a loving expression, talking about your day casually, baby giggling while she moves her face away playfully; he loves you both so much.

× has these rare moments where, at the end of the day once you're settled in bed, he'd hug you tight and thank you in his mind for... for this... all of it...

× once she starts walking they're both a disaster

× seriously, do not expect the household to be silent ever again [ well, that dream was gone long ago anyway lol ]

× "Where the fuck do you think you're goin'?"

× rapid giggle running around from place to place

× "Oh, for fucks—"

× "Katsuki." you only need to say, catching him in his insults

× 😳 ... "Kid, come back, we're goin' to the park." Skdjkdfkl

× sudden adorable tiny fast steps approach him bc they're going for walkies!

× he is very careful with her and teaches her about stranger danger; also teaches her how to growl and even if her attempt is a total failure, small rawr leaving her lips, he's like "Yes. Good job. Now give it more heart."

× he growls as an example

× she growls back, sounding like a cute lil pup 🥺💕

× as she grows up, she obviously acts more like her father yet he knows when to stop the bad behaviors and it only takes a warning growl from him to get her to cease

× yet somehow you're the strict parent at the end of the day??????? tf????????? who made the rules??????

× starts calling her brat, squirt, lil shit 💕lovingly💕

× "your child" if she did something bad

× "Your fucking child kicked the ball into the vase and broke it." Aha, nice one, Katsuki. Good job.

× not to brag but her puppy eyes don't work on him but yours do; the problem is her puppy eyes do work on you bc she's the light of your life so if she wants something; she'll puppy-eye you knowing you'll get it for her bc daddy loves you very much 💕💞

× literally evil mastermind; didn't I tell you she's sharp? pft, she's playing you both so hard

× every day he comes back from work she runs to him at the door, tail wiggling happily behind her as she stretches her arms to be picked up and he always does, without a doubt, then proceeds to kiss the top of her head

× come out to greet him too? the whole loving routine is his absolute thing and wants to see you, have you kiss his cheek; he complains but adores it soooooo much!

× you have a family night; BONDING WITH MOODY POMERANIANS. Yes, plural, and it sounds perfect~

× even if it's just one of those animated movies he hates so much, he'll watch through all of it and make sarcastic comments just to make you both laugh; will grin satisfied asf if he manages to do so bc he's the best.

× will definitely want another kid, so how about maybe a boy??? hmm???

× asks you if you're up for the idea and if you agree, he'll roll his eyes and crack his shoulders, acting so very uninterested and purely exhausted yet his smirk would give him away:

× "Knew you'd torture me with another devil"

× throw him out, istg— 💀

#bakugou katsuki headcanons #noire writes #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years ago

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Omg thank you so much for your posts about rinharu!! :"")) I was one of those people who were like "why are rinharu fighting again?? Did kyoani purposely seperate them /again/ just for the sake of drama ?? (And so that they have more oppurtunities to showcase other ships??)" I was really irked at first cuz i thought the first part of TFS is finally going to be a movie about rinharu being a powercouple, but! After reading your posts i realised that haru never really moved on from rin leaving, even in S3 the reason why hiyori's words affected him was because he thought he caused rin to leave (and by extension ikuya, but lbr haru wasn't as frustrated with ikuya nearly as much as he was with rin right) so i'm just here to say.. thank you so much for opening my eyes!!! Now i'm really looking forward to the second part!!

Awww no problem <3 tbh I've always said that free is one of those that has so many nuances left bts that it's sometimes confusing for those who aren't as invested I think. Like there's so many important things that are left out and are in additional materials, that some has no idea what's going on at times. Like back in the days when some interpreted s2 in the opposite way bc of that one thing. My point is that not everyone is even watches stuff like recaps for example (where there are in fact new easter eggs and so many important things like Rin's dad death aftermath etc), and even less read novels and checked side stories and dramas.

For example, in books this Haru's issue about him thinking he's cursed and hurts everyone with his swimming is a huge thing, when Asahi "lost his ability to swim" after seeing Haru's free. But in SD it wasn't adressed at all tbh.

And what Haru feels for Rin is such tornado of emotions, that surprised even me with all the descriptions, bc like it's real bad. Like that part I posted from the chapter when Rin leaves is at least understandable, since he leaves. But the way he reacts to him in general even when he just appears in his sight is always described as if someone tortures him for real lol. And he's always like "pls someone save me, I don't know how to deal with this, bc I've never felt such emotions before".

So basically, like yeah, he's as it is has this thing, when he thinks of himself as some bad omen, so he's very sensitive about it, but since everything Rin-related feels x100000000 for him, its just... well, it hurt for a very long time and sadly was just overlooked by a certain someone, so here we are.

I think we all at first believed that bc Rin's so shocked and in disbelief that Haru could even think that it was his fault in some way:

that maybe they talked about it bts or smth like after the relay. But it seems like Rin either forgot or most likely I think he maybe thought that Haru understood without words? I'm just real sad still that Haru didn't get to hear this speech:

I mean, they made it look by the end of s1 that it was about relay, which partially yeah, but for Rin it was really about Haru. You see what he said.. he said that that 1x02 race with Haru alone.. what made him want to swim again. This whole speech was not only about the fact that Haru wasn't at fault that he quit swimming in the first place, but about the fact that Haru is his lucky charm, that makes everything better. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HEAR THAT. So like for Haru it's to this day like "after I messed him up, Rin was saved with the power of friendship and a relay". But he was saved by Haru really. Bc according to s3 info, it was basically just about Haru being on the relay team. I don't try to demean their friendships or anything, but its just what it is.

And as I've said before in one post it's just fascinating that to this day Rin for example thinks that s1 shananigans were just about him and just his problem:

Haru thought it was about them and their problem:

So like my point here is I also up to the end of s2 thought that maybe Rei or Rin told that to him, bc we seemed to move on to another problems, until in Kizuna we were shown that he still dreams about that scene of Rin leaving. s3 Hiyori just exposed the wound really.

But also once again see what he said there, it's not just about that one time he keeps reliving, aka his first come back, its really just about each time Rin was leaving. Like the very first one already was bad, the second was the worst, bc he thought he hurt him and thought that bc of him he quit swimming, others are just painful bc by then it was already another kind of feeling. I mean, I do think that this first Rin's return to Australia thing needs to be cleared up since it's obviously still haunting him. But again it's just part of this. Haru after the Australian trip and "I've always admired you" and "without you I have nothing to aim for" and after TYM goodbye when Rin told him that he doesn't need a surprise party and that just swimming with Haru before leaving is the greastest surprise for him, he knows already about the way Rin feels about swimming with him... I think the reason why everyone is freaking out here is that bc the way it's executed it's just really about him constantly missing him and "why am I always have to longingly watch you leave, while you seem fine." If he was in a free race, but wasn't on a relay team, he'd get the same reaction. Its just all seasons combined that brought us here. We already in 3x01 without Hiyori knew that he wasn't handling Rin being far away again good. So tbh it's logical even without any explanation really. I mean, Rin does indeed leave and come back as he pleases and does what he wants without holding back or sometimes thinking about consequences. There's no lie here.

It's like since the beginning for Rin it was like "I found the gorgeous guy I adore and I want to swim with, I'll transfer schools just to nag him into swimming with me, it's not like he's gonna care if I leave after that." (he literally in the book didn't think it was a big deal)

For Haru it was like "I lived just fine, but this guy stormed into my life, made me want things I didn't think I'd ever want, got me addicted to him and then dropped me like a hot potato".

Rin's just very passionate about life and things he wants, like Haru for example, but he's really also very unobservant and very clueless at times.

But like just bc he doesn't know about Haru's existential crisis and all the pain he's truly in when he's leaving, doesn't change the fact that he at times didn't even treat him as a simple friend (because they can't be just friends I KNOW), but still things like "you could've called" "well sorry, I guess I'm just not good at it" are probably hurtful, considering the fact that you are good at it with everyone else tho, Rin sweetie. Like thanks for avoiding us the most and holding back and visiting us the last each time, we feel real special. Haru is like the opposite, he doesn't call anyone for example, but he can call Rin in the middle of the night if needed, he always does for Rin smth that's completely out of his comfort zone.

It's like some say "Rin didn't know he wanted him to call" or "he didn't know Haru felt guilty". He did know he wanted him to call and he didn't know Haru felt guilty and stopped swimming competitively when he stopped swimming, but then Rei told him and Natsuya in 3x03 reminded him about this too. Its just the fact that he doesn't want to add 1+1 and thinks "well, there's no way I can affect Haru like that right?", "he can't be that upset about Rin Matsuoka, right?". While facts are he IS literally the only one who affects Haru in such huge way. It's like everyone else can just pass him by and it's nothing, but he walks by and it's a whole "asdfghgfdsa why my body is on fire, its just Rin who's just standing there".

And I'm also buffled by this thing that some people really say stuff like "where did this come from, they were perfectly fine" etc, as if they ever had normal "friendship" relationship. I'm like when did they ever behave themselves okay? In 3x03 Rin is dying to call Haru, but can't do it, while he's constantly texting everyone including Nagisa. First thing he says in the airport when he comes back is "I'm home, Haru" to air, but then goes to hang out with Makoto and Sousuke, desperately looking for an excuse to see the one whom he from the beginning, as it was shown wanted to see the most, but in his opinion can’t without a reason. It's only when Makoto tells him that Haru was upset about Albert he quickly rans off out of there bc "hooray, I have an excuse to see my bae”. Like we know from the airport scene that he wanted to see Haru the most. If they're so as people say were doing great, than how do you exlain all of their s2 and s3 behavior for real? It's like as if in TYM Haru didn't lose his shit from some gossip about persimmons. I mean, they never settled anything really. And Haru is constantly scared of Rin leaving again since forever.

So it's complicated, but yes, we're super excited for p2, bc asdfghjhgfds.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka

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