#did you see: universe
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3#i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it đ#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to#just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff#the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face#i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc#i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are#plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL#as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3#thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene#kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this#for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind#what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild#but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs#'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework
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drake listened to the diss track :(
#aashwarr#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 aesthetic#discover university#kendrick did not hold back LMAO#âi got a son to raiseâ#âbut i can see you don't know nothing about thatâ hello???
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Sooo I've been obsessed with this au for a few days now and I thought.. why not use my abilities for evil
These are the designs from the tf2 x Steven Universe au by @lenny-link drawn in Steven Universe's art style! Or my best attempt at it lol.
I think the best looking ones are spy, heavy and soldier :]
Close upsâ
Also here's just the background; it's the bg from the tf2 lineup as a SU background, I'm really proud of how it looks hsjdjd
I also HAD to draw Andalusite by @gracefireheart cus good god he has taken over my entire heart. He's truly everything. The myth the legend the icon the moment. Happy pride month.
I like giving him a receding hairline cus. medic(has hair) + heavy(bald) = less hair. mathematics. The first drawing is my puny amateurish attempt at Rebecca Sugar's beautiful doodle art style. (I think I nailed the face and hair tho hehe)
(Your drawings are what introduced me to this au, I love them sm- I really hope you'll like this!!) (p.s; sorry for giving him a boob window. I wasn't strong enough.)
Aaaand my own design for a medic and scout fusion, Tourmaline! They only really form him when they both feel like wreaking havoc. he's impulsive, inattentive, hyperactive, he has no self preservation, and he's low-key dumb. When his senses kick in is usually when they unfuse. He can't see for shit and has to constantly remind himself to put on his glasses
(scout and medic shitty lil bratty kid + uncle who enables them dynamic truthers rise up)
(I had so many ideas for things I wanted to post so I thought I'd just put it all in one place gsjdjd, I hope people won't mind :'] )
#tf2#steven universe#tf2 au#my art#please dont tag the last fusion as ship#Lenny-link I know you're currently inactive and I hope you're doing well#hope you see this when you come back I hope you'll like this :')) these designs were so fun to draw and translate into su's art style#I had a blast :DD <333#I had to mess with the designs a bit to give them the proportions of the gems they're based on#Or cus I wanted to add stuff :') like making spy look more like a zircon cus I'm still living for their designs#or giving sniper rutile half shoes cus I think he'll like them#Btw did you know that the rutile twins in su are voiced by Ms Pauline's voice actress (Ashly Burch)? Small world#I referenced jasper for medics smile. She is smug and evil after all.#This au revived my will to draw. I would've even animated an idea I have if I had more time
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It drove me nuts that Steven never tells Peridot what happened on the moon in Can't Go Back. Of course, I forgot that in canon it was daytime when he got back and she was already out of the house, so this scene isn't quite plausible. Oh well!
#steven universe#peridot#su peridot#steven quartz universe#peridot su#su fanart#my art#my posts#comics#p#pp#fanart#2024#described#id in alt text#i will never draw this bathroom correctly lmao#this is from a little 6-page comic i gave up on but i promise this was the only genuinely interesting page#but if it seems abrupt. that is why. its also the precursor to that other drawing i did because apparently all i can do is angst dsklfds#also if you see me doing crazy amounts of subsurface scattering its because i JUST figured out how to do it and im still entranced
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Stop -- Hammer time !
#a spiritual redraw of a drawing i made in 2021 of just hammer kirby & dedede. i did post it but you're not gonna see it anymore it's hidden-#- for being ugly as sin. this time with more hammer ability-givers & adding a lil idea i had for the hammer design#i have an amv in my head about dedede's development & i wanted to include the tidbit of the hammer being loaned from ddd but since-#- it's just 3 mins long i thought of portraying it via visual shorthand instead#in-universe reason ddd probably painted his symbol on it because he was so sure he'd win in superstar ultra & somewhat rubbed it in kirby's#- face with that. & well we all know how that turned out#also i decided to make bonker's black shadow over his face be shades instead bc i like how it already looks like he's got a pompadour#like a greaser. a greasemonkey if you will#wanted to include heavy mole's projectiles but couldn't bc it'd not fit in well w/ this composition </3 so sorry my lil chainsaw roomba#my art#kirby series#kirby#king dedede#storo#bonkers#mookie
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Did Carlos go to law school or did he donât didnât go to law school
from landofmotorsport
#carlos sainz jr#scuderia ferrari#f1#Charlesâ look up lmao he was shooketh#Carlosâ âwhat?â and lean in he was so confused he couldnât hear properly#heâs also always leaning in to ppl to hear. heâs an old man#and then him turning to Charles as if he would have an explanation for why they think he studied law#his short ânoâ when they clarified help#poor woman read about sr instead of jr#âI never went to university actuallyâ#and he sounds so proud of it lmao#but also remember he is proud of finishing high sch#remember that time he solved a math problem and said âyou can see I finished school eh? not many drivers did I thinkâ#ok intellectual#c2#c square#charlos#charles leclerc#austin 2024
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So does he, Gallagher.
#honkai star rail#hsr blade#gallagher#i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU#and then blade constantly just being blade as usual#its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but#i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary#but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just#get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better#so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle#funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still#but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me#so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway#one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys#also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out#i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool#and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher#so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought#(no i am not but we can pretend)
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ribbonwood
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu hyrule#(also zelda 1!!! but idk how people would feel about me tagging it since I used Jojo's design?)#(ya'll can always tag my gen loz art as LU (or as any linkverse honestly if it inspires you to think about your favs) and vice versa)#(I want to inspire you to think and create! If you see my gen loz art and want to add that to your headcanons or it changes how you think??#take it! play with it! invite me to play as well haha!)#(not ocs but like- gen stuff??? ye go for it)#mom walked in and looked at the comic I was working on#so I started rambling about my plans with it and what my peers are working on and how cool it all is and how I want to have more of that#and she said âwhat a waste of timeâ#so I got loosey goosey with it :\#nice exercise to just draw w/o doing guides or being careful#did this in like under 15 minutes! >:D#but anyways#I haven't slept yet so gn!#.. he's holding stuff in the wrong hands!!!! a#look up ribbonwood / redshanks trees! If Hyrule was a tree- this is it#I imagine zelda 1&2's landscape to be california chaparral!!! I'm really passionate about it!!!!!#check out the california chaparral institute's website -> chaparral -> chaparral types#it's Hyrule's Hyrule!
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felt like drawin g this guy
im gonna crush him between my palms like a big ol' mosquitoooe
#art#digital art#tf2#team fortress 2#team fortress classic#tfc heavy#i think when he gets angry enough he looks like a cooked lobster.#drawing#gave up on pristine clean lineart a longggg time ago#im sketchmaxxing and... and doodle pilled#smashing words together into a sentence sometimes is like... malachite from steven universe. you know? just shouldnt be done.#but i only wanted to see if i could and did not stop to think whether or not i should.#anyways
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Will never get over how Starscream and Skyfire's relationship is always doomed. There's never an iteration of them where they both stay on the same side at the end. They always end up being against each other, tearing each other apart (whether intentionally or not). They always end up losing each other, be it by a snowstorm, by the war, or by death itself. They never receive a happy ending together, one if not both of them is doomed to suffer.
Skyfire is doomed to be an Autobot, by forces out of his control. Starscream is doomed to be an Decepticon, by his own self destructive tendencies. They are both doomed, because of who they are. They always try to save the other, in their own way. But it never works. They are doomed to fail, whether they stay together or not.
#Starscream and skyfire are parallels of optimus and Megatron. do you understand me.#believing in someone when no one else did. seeing something worth supporting when no one else did. being the one person they trust.#they both ended up being torn apart by the war and their own ideals. losing each other because of their conflicting views.#one became an autobot and the other became a decepticon. one of them must fall.#i have lots of feelings about them yknow.#doomed yaoi shit going on here#will never get over how much g1 starscream cared about skyfire. like. he kept trying to have skyfire stay by his side#he was still a shitty guy and treated skyfire like shit but there was genuine care and emotion under it all. he still cared#i need a universe where they get to reconcile. where they get to be happy. pull an earthspark and let them be friends again#i need a skyfire who learns to love and accept post-war Starscream. i need a Starscream who despite everything still want skyfire with him.#i need them not to be doomed but rather learn and grow. accept the flaws and faults of the past and learn to move on#can you tell i love skystar#can you tell i love them#skyfire#jetfire#starscream#transformers#transformers g1#g1 transformers#the fire burns#skystar
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@jegulus-microfic // may 22 // prompt: control // words: 1169
âWe should eat soon. Do you have any preference?â James asks as he glances into his rearview mirror.
âNo, I'm easy,â Regulus replies. He swipes at his phone again, mindlessly opening the calculator before closing it again. He's been alternating between the calculator and the weather app for the better part of an hour now, nothing else to do on his phone and a deep reluctance to have an actual conversation with James.
He looks up at James when thereâs no response. It takes a second for his own words to register and with a sigh he adds, âI meant easy to please.â
Again, the double meaning snatches Jamesâ attention. âI'm just not picky,â Regulus grounds out.
âYeah,â James scoffs. âI can tell.â
Regulus drops his phone on his lap, turning his head to give James his full attention. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âNothing.â But evidently it is not nothing, because James waits barely a second before continuing with, âItâs just that you barely waited for the bed to get cold.â
âExcuse me?â Incredulity bleeds into his voice.
âI heard that you went out a lot.â
âWith my friends.â Late nights wallowing on the couch were only accepted for so long until they started tugging at him with impatient hands, dragging him out of the house and into this club, then that one.
They told him that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else, but Regulus never did take anyone home. Any pair of hands that didn't belong to James made his skin crawl.
âAnd we all know how your friends feel about you,â James says harshly.
âOkay, seriously, what the fuck is your damage, James?â Regulus twists in his seat, staring holes into Jamesâ side profile. His messy hair and wire-frame glasses. His cheeks are flushed with anger, but Regulus doesnât think James has anything to be angry about.
âWhat's my damage?â James asks, eyes flitting over to Regulus. âWhat are you, twelve?â
âYou know what I mean.â
âDo I?â
Regulus laughs, short and joyless, before dropping back into his seat. His eyes fall shut as he lets his head thud against the headrest. âAnd I remember, suddenly, why this didnât work.â
âYeah? Was it your incessant need to be in control?â
âNo, actually. It was your complete and utter inability to listen.â
âOh, I think I hear you loud and clear,â James scoffs, and Regulus resists the urge to just crawl out the car window. Heâs slight enough, he thinks he could fit. As a matter of fact â
âStop the car.â
âWhat?â
âYou heard me, stop the fucking car.â
âRegulus, you're not walking all the way to Sirius' house. We still have three hours to go.â
âI don't care. Stop. The. Car.â
âWhat's your damage?â
âMy damage is that I'm stuck in a car with you with nowhere else to go!â
It's silent for a beat. Then two.
âWell, I'm sorry you feel that way,â James says eventually, before harshly twisting the dial to turn up the volume.
They drive to the roadside restaurant in silence. Or well, as silent as can be with the music playing loud enough that Regulus canât hear himself think. Just as well. He wasnât thinking anything nice.
James makes the executive decision to pass by a drive-through, probably to prevent having to spend more time in each otherâs company than strictly necessary. Regulus canât say that he minds.
No words are exchanged as they eat, but when Regulus reaches for his drink in the cupholder, James speaks again.
âDo you still like vanilla milkshakes?â He inclines his head toward the cup in Regulusâ hand. James always teased him about choosing the most boring flavor, but vanilla is a classic and Regulus stands by it.
Regulus has the urge to make a snide comment, but he swallows it down. Glances over at James, tense in his seat, both hands on the steering wheel. It unnerves Regulus a little, seeing James like this. He is supposed to be loose limbs and easy smiles. Not⌠this.
âYeah, doâ do you still like those cherries?â Regulus asks, holding out his cup for James in case he wants the maraschino cherry that sits on top of the whipped cream. James plucks it out of the swirl with ease, like they never stopped doing this.
âDo you still go to the diner down the street?â
They used to go often. The 24/7 diner, red and white tiles on the walls, cracked leather in the booths. They spent late nights there, when studying took priority over cooking and everything else was closed. Appearing again on a Saturday morning, soaking up the alcohol that still lingered in their systems. Salty and sweet kisses shared next to the jukebox.
âNo, itââ Regulus catches himself before he says something embarrassing like it hasnât been the same without you. âItâs been a while,â he says instead.
âI see.â
Regulus squeezes his eyes shut, black spots swimming in his vision. Then, before he can chicken out, he asks the first thing that comes to mind.
âDoes your mom still collect those novelty plates?â
James laughs at that, the sound of it comforting and familiar, and he seems to relax in his seat. Even if just a little.
âSheâs actually moved on to novelty shot glasses. My dad had to get rid of five plates heâd bought in advance. I still have them, though. I just know sheâll return to the plate thing soon enough.â
They pass the time like that, dragging up memories and habits, questions flowing between them. Regulus finds that he likes it. Heâd missed Jamesâ easy nature, his way of telling stories. He also finds that he is secretly relieved that James hasnât changed a lot in the time they spent away from each other.
Do you still? Say yes, say yes.
Do you still forget to clean your glasses? Do you still keep a picture of you dad in your wallet? Do you still like your coffee the same way? Do you stillâ
Say yes, say yes.
âI got the internship, by the way,â Regulus says at some point. Heâs not sure how much time has passed, but stretching fields of green are slowly giving way to houses again. âTheââ
ââone at the publishing house?â James cuts in excitedly. His head whips to the side to look at Regulus, joy evident in the little crinkles around his eyes. âNo way!â
Regulusâ heart stalls and stutters. A heavy beat in his chest. Say yes, say yes.
âI canât believe you remember that,â he breathes.
Silence stretches between them and for a moment, Regulus thinks the conversation has died down again. It was nice while it lasted.
But then, so soft like he hoped Regulus might not hear, âI remember everything about you.â
Do you still? Say yes, say yes.
âJames. Stop the car.â
âWhat?â
âStop the car.â
Say yes, say yes.
Thankfully, James doesnât need to be told a third time.
#exes jegulus! brought to you by the fact that i wanted them to say âwhatâs your damageâ#not to be confused with the messy exes jegulus microfics#which is a different universe#sorry for the car setting#itâs the talking on the ride home effect#anyways do you think they got arrested for public indecency?#feeling kinda tempted to write a part two where they mess up the backseat#but we'll have to see if the smut fairy visits me#do you guys remember when i wrote a whole pwp? i can't believe i did that#anyways!! tags!!#regulus black#james potter#jegulus#starchaser#jegulus microfic#mil's microfics#mil's writing
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PLS PLS PLSSSSS keep talking about kids with olympic athletes! gojo and nanami pls pls pls i have to Know. everything u wrote about yuuta was already so so cute
(prev olympics au here)
the gojo twins are hilarious because your baby boy looks exactly like satoru, but has very little of his personalityâit seems like the only things he inherited was satoruâs love for sweets and love for you. still, even though heâs a strong swimmer, he much prefers to relax in his floaties alongside you if youâre also in the pool, or chill by your side on a lounge chair, glasses too big for his face keeping the sun out of his eyes as he shares his smoothie with you, and asks to borrow your phone to take pictures of his sister and daddy in the pool.Â
your baby girl on the other hand⌠she might have your face but sheâs got satoruâs everything elseâhis competitive streak, his confidence, and definitely his mischievous nature. sheâs the one who tiptoes into your bedroom at five in the morning, tapping at her daddyâs shoulders, and putting her little finger over his lip to shush him before he can wake you up; sheâs always the one to convince satoru to take her swimming the backyard at the crack of dawn, and why by the time you and your baby boy wake up, she and satoru are already past warm up laps and swimming lessons and onto who can make the splashiest canonball competitions (she always wins because while her tiny body can endure a belly flop, satoruâs years of training physically doesnât allow him to do it⌠and maybe because heâs not so competitive when it comes to his baby girl, heâll always let her win).Â
kentoâs professional judo career honestly doesnât last very long. after his first olympic games, you two start dating and he proposes just after he wins gold the second time heâs in the olympics; he does maybe two more years of national competitions while youâre pregnant, and decides that the intense training for the next two years in preparation of a third olympic competition isnât worth missing time he could spend with you or your baby girlâplus, with all the money heâs made from competitions, winning gold medals, brand ambassadorships, commercials, and collaborations, he had enough money to provide for all of your for the rest of your lives. so, thatâs what he does (his dream has always been to be a househusband, anyway...) his previous salaryman career comes in handy when deciding how to invest his money, how to buy a house, how to take care of his friends, how to set up a fund for your daughter, and an extra account or two⌠just incase more babies come alongâŚÂ
by the time your baby girl is four, sheâs already kentoâs biggest fan. she loudly and proudly proclaims to everybody that her daddy was basically superman and won all the shiny trophies and medals in the house from when he was being a superhero. if anyone recognizes kento when theyâre out together, she always confirms their suspicions, proudly boasting, âyeah kento is my daddy! heâs a winner!â it always makes kentoâs heart swell to hear her praise. he doesnât compete professionally anymore, but he does train from time to time, and has taken on a few mentees, and your daughter LOVES to watch him coach/train. sheâs got her own uniform that she always puts on whenever they go to the gym together, and gets so excited when kento or ino or yuuji pretend to spar with her.Â
sheâs honestly kentoâs mini figure. sheâs respectful and reserved, but strong and knows when to fight and how to use her voice. thereâs a time when he gets a call from her school saying that she got in a fight, the principal frames it as your daughter needlessly pushing around an older kid, but your daughter is certain in her words when she tells her dad that it was because the kid was being mean to the younger kids, and to her. kento doesnât say a word to the teachersâdoesnât even fight them sending her home early for the day, because heâs happy to scoop her up and take her out for ice cream and tell her that heâs proud of her.
#anonymous#gojo twins r so real to me... one looks like him but does Not act like him and the other one does not look like him but might as well Be Hi#and he loves n smothers them both so much....#kento goes from salaryman to professional athlete to househusband he really does live the dream life LOLLL#see also: kento's baby girl đ¤ satoru's baby girl = best friends LOLL#in my head kento and satoru are olympians at the same time/know each other#but yuuji isn't he has his own story/trajectory#which is why he is nanami's mentee in This Universe#actually i think yuuji's kinda exists on his own#and all his friends/his circle are real proud of him when it's all said n done yk#nobara teases him about finally putting his strength to good use megumi is proud in his own way#his grandpa and nanami are obviously proud of him and he comes home w a gold medal#and is basically a hero in his tiny home town#(also time for me to introduce my favorite hc: yuuta and yuuji childhood friends bc they're from the same city)#the narutoism of it all... he comes home w gold and everyone basically tosses him up and down... angel boy :(#megumi kinda exists in the kento/satoru world too i think... nd before him there was toji#wait maybe yuuta and yuuji can exist in the same timeline nd everyones like what r the odds those two kids from sendai are olympians#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#nanami kento x reader#kento x reader#think tho in the yuuta/yuuji olympics verse yuuji competes 2 or maybe 3 times (so total of 12 years) nd then quits#not because he's gotten weaker but just because he really did it for the money yk but he's set for life now#honestly he was set after the first time but he just wanted to be sure/you and his grandpa encouraged him to at least do it to have Fun#this time around so he does#but for yuuta this is his Career yk like he loves tennis#he's not in it for the olympics he just likes it and happens to be real good at it#two of them talking about each other in press conferences so cute
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recently my parents have been sorting through old stuff because their basement flooded, so my mom keeps sending me pictures she finds from when i was a little kid and after a while i was like hey uh mom. these are cute and all but is it just me or does a deep and unsettling Knowledge beyond human comprehension seem to lurk behind my eyes in literally every single one of these? and she was just like âyeah your eyes always looked like that it was kinda creepy đĽ°â
#squinting at my own baby pictures like yo what the fuck is wrong with this child#any one picture doesnât really capture it but you see enough of them in a row and it starts to get REAL unnerving#what do you MEAN me as a toddler just casually looked like i could hear the universe sing its eternal song and understood every word#why does it feel like iâm making direct fully cognizant eye contact with the future in any photo where i notice the camera#how did i at the tender age of 3 have the demeanor and countenance of some sort of ancient trickster god#DID I EVER GROW OUT OF IT???#mumbling
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post ep 11
#trigun stampede#trigun#meryl stryfe#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#i cant even elaborate on this episode bc ive spent all day Thinking about it yesterday#and it made me Miserable#i just want to see vash have some autonomy again...#he is a little bit more on the quieter end for stampede as less angry about things but i dont think he's more of a coward in stampede#even though he was transported into his memories and saw and heard those terrible things from the kids and wolfwood#he was able to gather himself and keep going#his resilience has always been the strongest and also saddest thing about him#so it killed me irreversibly when he lost the one person who he could always look back to reliably#the fact knives couldnt even alter anything in rem's dialogue within those memories just stands for how strong her place is in vash's memory#and potentially knives just knows that would be too ooc of her to make in any Universe if she had something horrible.#man. I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN LIKE ALL 3 PLATFORMS. I'm alright with Knives as a character but jesus#- i did it all for you - im so sad that vash had to hear something like that. im so so sad about it#anyway i hope meryl stays safe shes done so much#i love her so much <3#ruporas art
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...in which rosho gets sudden dĂŠjĂ vu at the block party
#i spent 3 days crawling out of my months long art block to draw this#but i can see the light at the end..#rosasa#rosho tsutsujimori#sasara nurude#hypnosis mic#hypmic#fanart#ron drawings#did you guys know i love rosasa and they mean the world and universe to me
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I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.
I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.
The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...
Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.
I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.
And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?
It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.
To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.
In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.
Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.
So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.
What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.
Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain#so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash#i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent#what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving#is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt#and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists#so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character#so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of#'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him'#but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid#and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like#the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of#being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths#then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part#and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts#and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine#this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer#and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like#how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil#and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit#like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma#but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel#and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple#bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed#but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal
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