#did not mean to post this early but fuckin thanks tumblr for that

[juggalogojackerbox]

(Click for higher quality, god forgive me for the walls of text)

Craftelle Luna Shandrus, or "Onycraft" - 30 years old (D.O.B August 16, 1969) - Male (He/Him only) - Species... Unclear?

Onycraft is... a man of many descriptions to be sure. Neurotic, loud-mouthed, perpetually smells like the back of an old shed, loyal to a fault and stubborn like a mule, et cetera. Of course with the sordid and tragic history to match he certainly makes for an, interesting individual. Sure his tendency to casually ignore the laws of reality can be a bit of an annoyance, but if you ignore that, alongside all the telltale signs and side effects of being born out of unethical biologic experimentation and of coming back to life after going through the electric chair, hes just another eccentric alcoholic from rural Maine USA with a heart too big for his own good- Or I guess if you want to put it in "simple terms"

(Obligatory toyhouse link)

(So uhhhhhh, YEAH! Go me for finally posting this reference sheet hooh man, I fucking love this guy so much I hope others will soon enough as well, he is very dear to me and has been for the past like, decade plus? Good lord hes old as piss- I mean he is my first ever oc but still, damn)

(Well anyway, more "side-references" under the cut as a lil bonus here yes, I'm gonna go lay down now)

[chipper-asks]

Hi! I've been following you for a good while now and have always rly admired the community you've build, and, your art itself, obviously, it's always very cozy in here. May be a strange question, but as a relatively popular artist on the interned, are there any tips you could share on how to engage and sustain an audience? maybe you know some recourses for artist to get their art seen? I've been an artist posting online for roughly 10 yrs and pretty much failed at accumulating any sort of prominent presence. I don't feel bad about it really, it's not why I do art per say, but these are pretty rough times and unfortunately other means of art monetization grow thinner with stupid updates & algorithms forcing anyone who can't afford payed adds or subscriptions out of business. I kinda have to make use of social media, even if it's not my element in the slightest. Feel free not to answer if you feel like it. Thanks in advance! Also big thanks for your shouts of my art overall, I really appreciate your support!

So I've had a post in my drafts for who knows how long detailing how to build and curate your audience online. But I haven't found a good way to go about posting it because I didn't want it to come off as tooting my own horn xD

BUT YOU HAVE ENABLED ME SO HERE WE GO!!!

(im going to generalize, you may already be doing some of these things but I think its good info for anyone who wants to build an online presence)

1. Engaging your audience

A: First, you have to think of the platform you're sharing your art on and what people use it for. Not even tumblr, but the internet as a whole. It is a place where people form communities and share information. It's also one of the most popular ways to mentally escape; from school, boredom, to the horrors of real life.

So if you want people to find you, make a space where they can escape/feel community.

This means: No callout posting, no venting, no doom posting, no politics, no guilt posting, no anything that would make you unfollow someone else if you were having a bad day.

It's okay to have an occasional vent or political post cause we're human, but trauma dumping is something thats very hard for someone else to read and honestly should you be putting that kind of information online, the internet is a place of community but it also isnt safe.

B: The Value of Fandoms

It's time for some metrics, featuring my own follower count.

I've been on tumblr for 9 years and I have been making an effort to grow my base as a way of getting money as a freelancer (like you) so I started doing this allll the way back in highschool. I can remember each milestone and which fandom I got them in

1,000 I got when I was posting stuff for Undertale

2,000 I got when I was posting stuff for The Property of Hate

there was a big break between these milestones where I was just drawing ocs and object heads and stuff, but nothing I was hyperfixated on

5,000 I got from Hollow Knight

but then something really unexpected happened.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I decided cringe was a worthless social construct and decided to fully indulge in my enjoyment of doodling dragons.

I juuust inched past 5,000 when 2022 started. I Ended Up With 12,000 as 2022 ended. That's more than double. As of posting this I am at 13,600 and its only February.

So how did that happen? I could tout along and say that it was simply luck and I wasn't really making an effort anyway but that's a big fuckin lie, i've been "selling out" this whole time (it's not fucking selling out to post in fandom. You like a thing? You go to the thing's community and post about the thing)

Posting in a fandom is essentially like, now bear with me, advertising for your blog. Fandom is where the eyes are and where the traffic goes. Big tags like #artistsontumblr #tumblrart #art are used OFTEN but they're too general and often people look for things that are specific. Fandoms like Hollow Knight, BNHA, Mob Psycho, The Owl House, etc are currently popping off and have a lot of traffic.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to join a popular fandom to post your work in to get followers, it just means that if you're into a show or a media, post it on your main art blog and don't make side blogs. Keep it all together

Why?

Because 5% of those fandom people stick around for YOUR STUFF and those 5% of people are the best goddamn people in the world. You want those 5% to see EVERYTHING you do and THEY'RE the ones who will recommend you to THEIR friends and do outreach on your behalf because they like YOU and not YOUR STUFF.

i fuckin love those guys

So as you hop from fandom to fandom, you're going to lose some people but that's fine. Everyone curates their experience online and if you head off in a direction they don't like then they can deal with it. The rest come along for the ride cause 1: they either really like your stuff or 2: are into the new thing you're getting into.

SO ANYWAY

posting in fandoms under one name is GOOD because it puts everyone in the same bucket that will see your stuff and there's a chance that a few will stick just for your stuff. It is not cheap, its how you reach out to people to help cheer up their day and escape from things stressing them out.

C: What should you post?

So this is something that isn't an exact science but if you're looking to increase your follower count, this is something you can keep in mind.

Because this is the internet and the digital word of escaping from stress, people flock to things that are

1: Familiar 2: Funny 3: Relatable

So i've already been over fandoms and that's something that goes into the Familiar category. Familiar can also mean generalized but still popular concepts, like werewolves, dragons, vampires, apocalyptic scenarios, etc.

The more you trail into something niche, like marine biology, the seelie/unseelie courts, object heads, etc, the less traffic you'll find. There are communities centered around these but they're not massive like certain fandoms.

Which is how you end up with artists who spend hours upon hours on every piece only getting like 14 - 32 notes per piece. It's not lack of people caring or lack of interest, its the fact that these artists haven't "advertised" their blogs in fandom. Those people who end up caring about more personal posts are those 5% you find from fandom spaces. Their Familiar from that fandom begins to include your artwork as Familiar and thus they're more likely to share it.

Funny is simple. Tumblr is a platform of shitposts and memes. Do you have a favorite character in a fandom? Shitpost them. 2 birds with one stone, Familiar and Funny. I can't teach you how to be funny, but if you see something that makes you laugh online, pause and try to find out why and see if you can replicate it. (You wont get it in one go)

Relate-ability is also simple. If someone finds something they can easily associate with they will eagerly tag #mood #me or @ one of their friends in the post.

What doesn't get people following just by itself is your skill.

This sounds really fucking depressing but hear me out.

Your skill in art is a multiplier. It can take those three categories from above and BOOST IT to fantastic new heights. People love things that are from their fandoms that are funny and relate-able. People go FERAL for shit that is from their fandoms that are funny, relate-able AND COOL AS FUCK. If art represented x5 in an equation and you have nothing else, you get 0. If you include any of those three other things and then x5, you get something grand.

2. Sustaining your Audience.

If you want to set up your blog as a platform to eventually gain freelance income from, you need to make it yours and not your audience's.

This is key to prevent burnout and feeling obligation to create for thousands of featureless faces and losing sight of what made you enjoy art in the first place.

It is REALLY EASY to fall into that pit, especially as you grow your audience. When you have a small audience, it's easier to interact one on one with someone. Engagement is exciting when you have a small audience! People? Interested in your work!! Fuck yeah!!

But as you reach those milestones, the vibe begins to change. More and more people demand your attention. People who are new don't see you as an artist they knew from another fandom, they see you as a content creator and that is the worst goddamn stone wheel to get stuck around your neck.

You can still respond to requests and answer silly questions, but now you have to keep in mind that if you draw this little dragon for someone, three other people are going to ask for their own little dragons. And that's fine because you love dragons and they asked so nicely. You make those dragons but now there's seven people asking for their own dragons and you actually want to work on something other than dragons-- but you made those dragon doodles for those other people so wouldn't it be hypocritical to say no-

It becomes a spiral.

So to prevent that situation from happening, you need to respect your boundaries as an artist and what you will do and what you will draw the line at. If someone doesn't like you for that, they can unfollow.

In terms of posting regularly to sustain your audience, i've found that it helps but ultimately doesn't matter.

(this is a tumblr centric view, i cannot say the same for other platforms)

The way tumblr works resembles a massive recycling facility. You will see shit on your dash from 7 years ago but you dont mind, its how this place works.

It doesn't matter how often you post. You won't lose priority on people's dashboards if you don't make your daily art post. What matters is that you just make the post.

Each post you make is like sending out a bucket of chum into the grand ocean of tumblr. The more buckets of chum you have, the more likely you are to attract fish. The more you post the larger your radius is. The more variety you make in spreading out to different fandoms the wider your range is. And these spots of chum don't go away! They're permanent brown spots in a big blue wasteland and fish will stumble across it and then try to find the source.

Basically, you can disappear for an entire month and then suddenly return out of nowhere and shove 57 posts into a week and then disappear again and people will show up and stick around.

THis post is getting really long and there are probably some things im missing but my hadns are getting achy and i think that's my call to stop :p

if you have anymore questions tho im very willing to answer 👍

[parin-gurumin]

Although I don't particularly care about popularity or receiving attention, due to the nature of how my experience on twitter has been like these past few years, I have always enjoyed the Tumblr experience far more than any other platform. People are far more likely to interact by means of overall reblogging and adding comments in the tags, it's very sweet and motivating.

I came back to homestuck after A DECADE because of me having a rough, mentally and emotionally draining week because my impulsive thinking was like, "Hey man, fuck it, how far into Homestuck do you think I can read before I get help. (from discord support for context)" I had never actually read it when I was a kid because I just didn't have the attention span and willpower to read through SO much dialogue. I only ever interacted with it by means of just celebrating it as a fan who never actually read it, but liked it nonetheless. Of course now that I am a grown ass adult who can make their own conscious decisions and actually has the time and whatever to actually both appreciate AND enjoy reading extensively I am enjoying homestuck way more than I ever did before. I know that because of the death of flash (fuckin rip, dude, AWFUL) and extensive information about Hussie (TO PUT IT LIGHTLY) have since made getting into the comic a bit of a hassle and a choice it makes me wish I had actually read it at its best performance.

But, back on topic, twitter and other socials have the tendency to be particularly attached to trend hopping and sticking with what's currently doing numbers. Because, again, I don't care about dabbling in trends I just do what I want and ultimately that causes people to just not care about what I create. I have grown very apathetic towards my art and due to academic trauma from having been in a private art college with a low acceptance rate I have been in art burn out hell for literal years. The mix of both nobody caring about my art and my own rocky broken relationship with art made me extremely unmotivated yet long for the joys of creation once more.

Whenever I post here specifically it brings me joy again, it makes me realize that YES PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO CARE ABOUT AND ENJOY WHAT I MAKE NO MATTER WHAT IT MAY BE AND ITS CURRENT POPULARITY. I'm very happy seeing the same faces in the likes and/or rbs for my posts. I'm very happy seeing the same person revisit and reblog it for a second time or more. I'm very happy with how close and genuine it feels. (in a non-parasocial way) I'm just glad that despite this site being in a perpetual state of uncertainty, run by a skeleton crew, functions like shit, current CEO is a moron and the site is set to sail until it dies naturally it became the most genuine feeling of the social platforms ESPECIALLY for art.

I know this has gotten very longwinded and is essentially chaotic practically emotional rambling but like, thank you!!!!!!!!!

I have more stuff to come and from the bottom of my heart genuinely appreciate everyone's support here, it actually means the world to me. THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

MY OLD ART BTW!!!!!! anything that's not in that small 2021 corner is 2013-early 2014

[starlit-hopes-and-dreams]

[ID: A colourful collection of icons and images related to tumblr, each animated to switch between two angles, surrounding the words 'tumblr 2022 My Year In Review' in front of an orange grid background. End ID.]

I posted 649 times in 2022

That's 649 more posts than 2021!

66 posts created (10%)

583 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-can-even-burn-salad

@suspicious-whumping-egg

@redwingedwhump

@starlit-hopes-and-dreams

@verkja

I tagged 611 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#whump - 88 posts

#whump writing - 82 posts

#fantasy whump - 75 posts

#glass shards - 32 posts

#whump art - 30 posts

#writing things - 23 posts

#🤣🤣🤣 - 22 posts

#writing - 20 posts

#starlit plays tag games - 19 posts

#hidden depths - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i've adopted this story ✨️ as such my first speculative thought was whether cyra would go with adair when (emphasis) he eventually escapes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hidden Depths: Masterlist

Genre: Fantasy whump

This story is set in my fantasy world of Valysii. It follows an eighteen-year-old young man named Resh, who essentially sold himself into indentured servitude in return for assistance from the Crown to save his sick sister.

Unfortunately for him, he works for the crown prince, Marcus, who is a sadistic bastard. He finds this out soon enough, but not soon enough to matter, if you catch my drift :D

This story is told in dual POV.

See the full post

9 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

Chapter 8 ~ No way out

Hidden Depths

Previous ~ Masterlist ~ Next

Genre: Fantasy whump

Written per Whumptober 2022 prompts

CW: flashback of attempted noncon, panic attack, mentioned death, mentioned murder, angst, failed escape, buried alive, magic whump, captivity

WC: 4499

See the full post

10 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

#3

Last Line Tag

Thanks for the tag nanashi23!

RULES ARE SIMPLE. Share the last lines of... (whatever last lines means to you) . What you've written, last thing you wrote, last line said by a character. Surprise me. : )

This snippet is from a new story featuring Nykim from my fantasy whump Hidden Depths :D

~~

"Her," Nykim said shortly. The early morning light was nearly blocked out by the dense canopy of green from above, so he was forced to slow his pace or risk tripping over a root or fallen branch. That wouldn't do, not even in front of Brant.

Brant shook his head, the motion barely visible. "Her." Brant's tone was full of disbelief. "I still can't believe it."

"What, is it so hard to believe a female could be as vicious as she is?" Nykim asked softly, infusing his voice with a quiet sort of venom. He wouldn't tolerate any disrespect, even when she was gone.

"No, of course not," Brant was quick to say. "It's just, I fuckin trained him. I mean, her. Known her as long as you, and never would've guessed."

Nykim rolled his eyes, then came to a stop before the first wall. There were three of the fuckers, with only one gate, patrolled by the royal guard at all hours. Too tall, too smooth, to climb, but Nykim didn't have that problem.

~~

*grumble fucking tags grumble* Tagging people makes me nervous 😅

Tagging: i-can-even-burn-salad - since I'm not responding to your tag lol verkja @littleperilstories (if you want to of course!) also, butyoumissedmyheart - if you'd like to (like really, feel free to ignore this tag lol), sometimes sharing small pieces is easier than posting a whole chapter :)

There, I did it. *phew*

15 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

#2

I have 3 more chapters and 5 more days in October. I had given up on completing whumptober last week when I got stuck on my last posted chapter. I'm still slightly behind, but it's doable. It is doable. I'm over here cheering myself on. You can do it, anna! :D

25 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Whump Intro

Hi, hello! 

Um, I’ve been avoiding this intro bc I am a shy awkward hermit that usually just lurks and likes stuff, but that doesn’t really work on Tumblr so here I am! Plus I wanted to use Whumptober to force myself into sharing my writing and figured it might be useful to introduce myself first.

You can call me starlit, or anna, or hey you, I don’t really care lol. She/her pronouns. I love reading fantasy & fantasy romance, writing, and playing RPG video games when I have the time (usually fantasy based-are we sensing a theme here? 😂)

Before we get to more about me nonsense-

Acknowledgements!

Shout out to i-can-even-burn-salad

For beta reading for me and then being brave enough to share her stories with me. And for sucking me into Tumbler lol. And for talking to me all the time and making me laugh. And for being such a great person. <3

I love her writing and stories so much. Please, please, check her writing out. It's worth it, I promise! Bring tissues though!!

Best internet friend ever trophy, where is it? I need to send it… oh, there it is. Here you go, Elli! 🏆🎉💜

I haven't had the opportunity to check out many other blogs yet, bc someone has such an extensive back catalog 👀 😂 but tagged below is the one I have read. I devoured Traces in one day because it was so good. Highly recommend!

Traces by whumping-in-the-wings - Thanks for writing such a great story! Can't wait to see what happens next :)

(Obligatory disclaimer: heed the warnings. They are well-tagged.)

I've got my eye on several other blogs once I have a little more time. Hope ya'll like spam likes/reblogs/comments, bc I'm a bit enthusiastic 😂

Ok, back to me, I suppose. Under the cut 🤣

I tend to use emojis excessively, but don’t expect me to know the meaning of them beyond face-value expressions. I shamelessly claim elder millennial status as an excuse (which means I’m 18+, obviously).

I’m audhd (combo autistic/adhd), but I didn’t find that out until earlier this year, so I’m still very used to tiptoeing around people and holding myself back out of self-preservation. Working on that though, bc I’m tired of that shit. 

Erm, also… fuck is my favorite word. If you don’t like foul language, I might not be a great fit for you. 

I joined Tumblr about a month ago, so I am still learning and ask for your patience. (I will probably be learning for quite some time, tbh) If I’m doing something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it.

Asks are welcome, although not sure what you would ask me lol. With asks, keep in mind that I’m literal as fuck and context is everything :D

As is fairly common from what I’ve seen in this community, I’ve daydreamed whump for as long as I can remember, and it’s nice to:

1. know what to call it 🥲

2. find someplace where I don’t feel weird about getting it out of my head and putting it on digital paper. Well, not quite as weird haha.

I’m super nervous to post on here, but that’s what I’m here for, so… deep breaths 😶

Likes: 

See the full post

91 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ekhap]

The Christmas Cowboy

Hi all!

I would just like to begin this post by thanking the moderators over at @dualrainbow once again because those lovelies dealt with me using three different usernames on the sign-in forms, including my IGN, my nickname, and my actual username on tumblr.

But! I have a story to present to you! And so as such, I would love for you all to read my entry for Siegemas 2021 in response to the prompt, "Kissing under a mistletoe ⎯ “You know what that means, right?": The Christmas Cowboy (Bandit/Thermite, 1.9k words, Rated T)

Rook tended to go winter-crazy — he was always the one to gather decorations, organize the putting up of the major and minor trees, and any other minor decorations during the interlude between the Americans celebrating Thanksgiving with the other special ops and the beginning of the month of December. Usually, by the fifth of December, the base is nearly completely decorated, with the major tree in the center of the canteen, and a smaller, though still respectable tree somehow finding its way into each of the dormitories, including the women’s.

It’s a little odd. Though, with the exception for the Russians, who believe that it’s too early for celebrations, one has complained so far.

Blitz has started hanging around Rook, and so has, inevitably, brought the rest of the GSG9 along with him. While IQ has found company in the stalwart Doc, Jäger was already friends with Twitch, and Blitz gravitates towards Rook, it leaves Bandit alone with Montagne, the gentle giant of the GIGN.

Except Monty is far more interested in eavesdropping on Rook and Blitz than conversing with Bandit, which is reasonable, though just slightly hurtful. Just a little. Especially since Rook is talking about which one of his Christmas songs is the favorite, and it’s very strange that he’s so well-acquainted with American Christmas song. Boy’s been hanging out with Castle too much.

“You’re talking to Miles too much, Rook.” It’s not Bandit that says it, or even Monty with his slight smile. It’s a newcomer to the small table (decorated, of course) walking up with the fucking boots that could only belong to one man.

Thermite sits himself across from Bandit, right in between Monty and Jäger, wearing the most obnoxious cowboy outfit Bandit has seen – and in the three years of Rainbow’s operation, he’s seen a few. Halloween is always the same thing from the FBI — Cowboys and Ash’s poor little mutt as the sole Indian. This specific outfit, though.

“What sort of evil fuckin’ Christmas spirit threw up all over you, Jordan?” Really, it’s disgusting. Red vest, green undershirt which goes terribly with his green chaps, red and white handkerchief, and his boots are green with sparkles. Looking at where he must’ve walked in, there’s a light starry trail from the double doors that some poor custodian will have to clean up.

Jordan isn’t assuaged. “Oh, Dom, you haven’t even seenthe hat.” And if, in that moment, you asked Dom where the hell he could’ve pulled out a bright red cowboy hat greater than the size of Texas, he wouldn’t be able to tell you.

“I didn’t know you had that much space in your ass, Jordan.”

“It’s a whole freight train back there, you looking for anything?”

“I’d like to know where the hell everything went so wrong for you, cowboy.”

“I feel like we’d all like to know that, hm? Let’s start something, here.” He turns to the young, impressionable Frenchman. “Hey, Rook!” And he has the attention of the whole table. “Where did everything go wrong for you, lover-boy?”

“When my conservative father allowed me to do ballet, why?”

“Makes sense, dance does clearly lead into shooting terrorists for money, I hear.” The man who is clearly more intent on being a caricature of an American than representing his nationality well turns back to Bandit, still unimpressed.

“That’s one more thing that can fit in the freight train, what else do you want to shove up there?”

-

Bandit doesn’t hate the holidays. He really doesn’t, but when your only family that could’ve celebrated it was an absentee father and a twin with just as much fiscal ability as you, you don’t really develop an affinity with it as, say, Jäger does.

The engineer is currently in the process of decorating the tree Rook so kindly donated to them with the absolute gaudiest decorations possible. It reminds Dom of chunky jewelery. In all sense of life, outside of Christmas, apparently, Jäger is collected and conservative in his expressions of joys. He finally gets an experimental model of his magpies to works and the most you��ll see him do is high-five Fuze or smile with that perfect set of teeth.

Bandit also didn’t have feelings for the engineer. That would be ridiculous and unprofessional. And he absolutely did not despair when he found out that three of the four Russians were not straight, and the one who aligned most closely with Jäger’s personality got to him first. Asshole. And, to make things even worse, Dom can’t even complain about it, because two otherlovebirds are trying their best to be secret about their sordid affair.

It explains why the common room of their dorm has three gruff men in it right now, Glaz, Kapkan, Fuze, as well as the lanky German, and Bandit himself, all huddled around a tree slightly taller than all of them, trying to put the star on it without breaking the ceiling. They’re grown men. They’ll do fine.

They all thought this until Kapkan fell onto Jäger, causing Glaz to rush over and knock himself into Bandit, who body slammed Fuze, causing him to hit the side of the table. Whoops.

A quick call to Doc who says I’m too busy to deal with this shit and Fuze and Jäger are in the back of an ambulance while Kapkan drives Glaz and Bandit to the hospital behind him. Fuze didn’t request this entourage, though when a man forces you to become intimate acquaintances with a table, Glaz had said, you deserve the pomp and circumstance of a speedy journey to the hospital. Truly, a moment that deserved to be remembered, which was why Kapkan now has a full album of pictures of Fuze knocked out on the floor. And groggily trying to push him away. And a few videos of him trying to speak.

It’s not funny, though Kapkan is still giggling to himself as he recalls the past hour. It’s a bit morbid. But Bandit remembers how Fuze was slurring and — yeah, he’s going to hell. He knows it know.

“You doing alright back there?” It’s terrible how much of a worrywart Glaz is.

“Yeah, just—” Bandit snickers and Christ he really is going to feel the heat after he dies. “You remember Jäger’s face? I’ve never seen him scrunch up like that, like— oh, fuck— even when his tech fails him, it’s less of a brow furrow like that. Holy shit.” He stares up at the roof of the car, trying and failing to not laugh.

“He was worried. I know I’d be violent if something like that happened to— to someone I love.” Glaz looks uncomfortable, and it dawns on the German that, right, yes, they don’t know that he knows. Yikes.

“I mean, yeah, sure, it’s a reasonable response, but, like,” someone once told me that explaining yourself is an admission of failure, “Christ, yeah, I guess Jäger’s fine. But that whole situation was fucking funny.”

“Oh, it was hilarious.” And Kapkan hums in agreement.

There’s a moment of silence while they navigate some arterial streets before Kapkan speaks up.

“You know, when your car battery blew up in your face, Therm looked at you the same way. I’d watch your mouth.”

What?

The simulation was at some French consulate in West Africa, they donated it to peacekeeping efforts after multiple employees developed PTSD after a terrorist event Rainbow had to de-escalate. Bandit was putting his CED-1s on the garage wall when that asshole Twitch blew them up – he was knocked out for the round. Did he really?

“Yeah, Dom, he did. Get your shit together, why would we lie about that?”

“We’re here.” And lo and behold, there’s the marble walls of a community hospital. “And look who found out his friend got injured.” No.But there it is, the fucking Jeep that can only belong to one man because who the hell else would drive a Jeep and also be a professional terrorist killer��

“Howdy, partners. Y’all faring well this tragic evening?”

“Don’t talk like that.” If Bandit wasn’t stewing, he’d feel a little bad about snapping. But he’s thinking. Hard. And Jordan is bent almost at a perfect 90-degree angle so that he can smile at Bandit through his window, and not the others. What the fuck.

“What, does it offend you? You grow up in the wild west, pardner?”

“Let’s just go see Fuze.”

-

Fuze ends up being fine, a minor concussion, though Jäger is more torn up than Fuze about the whole situation. He gets to endure teases from the Russians and the sole American while Bandit sat a small distance away, staring at the back of the head of a specific American who is now, stupidly, stuck in his mind. How dare those Russians.

Thermite drives back Fuze and Jäger after the doctor agrees to home oversight, and Bandit returns with the other two Russians, just as he came. So he gets to question them further.

“Has he said anything about me?”

“What, Fuze? I doubt it, he thought Christmas had come and gone already.”

“Fuckin smart ass, Timur, I mean Jordan. Has he said anything about me recently? Or after the sim in Abidjan?”

“I don’t know, I don’t really talk to him. You know anything, Max?”

“Shuhrat would know, but he really doesn’t seem able to talk right now. And I highly doubt that Jäger would even let you in five feet of him if he knew that you were going to harass him. Mother hen, that one.”

“He sure is, but if I get around the Jäger defense system, and have a few minutes to pick his brain, do you think he’d know?”

The two Russians look at each other, and Kapkan slows down for a red light. “I suppose. Sim was a month ago. He should still know. Just his last 24 hours is foggy. You could try. Why do you want to know so bad, though?”

“I just— I just need to know, alright?

“Alright Dom, you do you.”

-

Bandit is on a mission, and nothing can stop him. He’s never known these halls better, and his well of information is just waiting for him around this corner.

“Hey Marius, I think I saw Mute fucking with your Magpie.”

“What the fuck, I told him not do that!” And just like that, Fuze is defenseless, Jäger running to the other side of the building. Bandit has at least ten minutes, fifteen if Mute is actually in the workshop and he’s just past this door—

“Jordan.”

“Dom!” He’s gotten up and has moved towards Bandit and is smiling like an idiot with a Fuze sitting at his desk behind him also smiling like an idiot like there’s some joke that he’s not getting and quite frankly it’s just rude to— “Look up.”

And, yeah, someone took the time to put a command strip hook on the ceiling and put a piece of mistletoe just right above the doorframe.

“Jordan, I am absolutely not going to—” And Thermites lips are soft against Bandits. It’s a moment initiated by the American, and after a second, Bandit realizes what’s going on, and melts into it, grabbing Thermite’s hips while Thermite cups Bandit’s face. It’s magical, and over all too soon.

“You know what that means, right?”

“What, Jordan.”

“It means I actually get to ask you if you want to experience this freight train of an ass.”

“Oh, my fucking God.” And, after a moment, Bandit leans in for another kiss.

[the-acid-pear]

I didn't want to but my last post got so long Tumblr can't load it AFSGSGAHH so this is my second post bc liveblogging this manga is part of my personality now <3

From where i left,

I love seeing Shibukawa i hate knowing how that fight will go down tho </3

JACKKKK 🥺

Oh is that literally Andre the giant?

MOTOBEEEE 💞

THAT'S RETSU?! GOD I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM AT ALL I-

KUREHA IS BACK TOO NICE

Katou baby you won't last

YESSSSSSSS YES YES YES MY SON.

Yeah and uh, Katsumi whatever.

BABYYYYYYYYY BOYYYYYYYYYY

Poor Kozue on god pugoygpgu

Toba 🥺

Kozue like 😨

Chapter 186

You don't know but like 2 days passed and i actually forgot what was happening VÑVPJOYG

I just remembered that scene in the fairy odd parents movie where the crowd goes OHHH AHHH

WHAT NUT?

I don't want to simp so early in the morning but UGHHH look at him!!

Hey has Baki always been doing the yujiro stand or is this new?

Feel you Mr Andre the giant i too have been told to not use my full strength. Though I'm just 1.60, my power comes from my anger issues and my god given right to kick ass

That's one strong kick

Rip the crowd n Andre the giant

Chapter 187

I don't think that's true Baki boy

That's a big number sir

I really don't care about this fight much at all surudtidkgxkhkdgksr

Poor Kozue man

Okay no apparently all cis men on the comments did want to become the string ???? Get help /j

Chapter 188

This is prob cool if you know who these people are. I unfortunately don't.

Look of bloodlust? He looks like the average fuckboy

YESSS BABEY LET'S GOOO THE GLASSES ARE BACKKK

Me watching the anime: omg that's so random why is he wearing glasses out of nowhere lol?

Me now (my brain is bigger): WOOOOOOOOO

I'm still obsessed with Toba's size

IFYOYDITDPUGPJG

Okay i had to google who igari was bc i wasn't recognizing him, now I'm cheering on him

This is gonna be a good one, hopefully

That was murder

DOPPO POG DOPPO POG-

Chapter 189

Hehehe this title sounds promising 👀

KSJSKSHSJS BRO 🥺

I really can't tell if he's scared of confident, i HOPE he's confident like, he's my pollo afteral (i make that joke in Spanish bc idk how to do it in English 😭)

Nice feet (See? No one can accuse me of having a foot fetish because no one reads these haha!)

I'm not gonna simp for 3 lines straight but i can't just pass this without saying how much i love how Doppo looks in this arc my man looking more precious than usual 😌����💞

Shout-out to the ppl in the comments wishing Motobe a happy bday <33

Chapter 190

These men just LOVE breaking fingers don't they?

It was a pleasure knowing you Motobe-san

I must say Doppo first watching the fights with Katou now with his son is like, super damn sweet like this dude is just such a Dad™

Sumo is such a damn cool sport tbh, i watched like one documentary on it once and nothing else but it's just like damn

NOOOUGHHH

MOTOBE IS FUCKING DEAD.

Lshekwhwksgskd someone was mentioning how they make Motobe sound like a badass but he loses every time and someone just responded "He's 50", which is similar to the justification i tried to give myself whenever Doppo kept fucking losing but then you have mfs like Shibukawa who is 70 and is just mad powerful KSVSNSH 😔

Chapter 191

Hehe the king ☺️

THAT WAS SO RANDOM AJGSJSGEJSG i love this mf

FUCK HOW SHORT IS RETSU OMG 🥺

1.76 HE'S SO TINY HE'S SHORTED THAN DOPPO OMFG

also if y'all wonder how I'm doing my jaw is currently trembling and i think i have a fever, but it's fine, we getting to 200 today boys

I really don't care much about Katsumi but he has a very shaped face i won't lie, his eyes are very pretty too. STILL DONT CARE BOUT HIM 🙄😒

They just throwing hands these mfs ffs

Katsumi that's a bit too far don't you think?

A fuckin pussy out sort of luck i see

Chapter 192

I hate smooth Retsu sm let him keeps his face wrinkles ffs

Obsessed with these lads

ANDRE MY MAN look at him

EVERYBODY IS GETTING IN THE WAY FR SPUGPYDOTSÑD

I love how these characters say <3

Fucked up to beat up a wounded man tho NGL :/

OH FUCK HIS ELBOW NO

Chapter 193

Idk man after 180+ chapters Retsu's body doesn't look that wild to me

I know he will lose bc uh, Retsu obviously? But man i really like this Russian

Kozue that's how every match is

Hhhh 😬

He's dead.

Chapter 194

OH MY GOD HIM AGAIN?! HHH FFS!!!

VAMOOOS KATOU

Hey they aren't doing the white lips thing anymore that's sick

Motobe Latino /j

OYFPUTDPUTDPUTDPID

NO MY MAN KATOU IS NO MATCH TO YUJIRO NO ONE IS NOOO 😢

Chapter 195

Monkee

MY BOY BAKI GETTING THAT GOOD OL FLASHBACK HUH BAKI PTSD MOMENCE

YEET

Chapter 196

LSHLSHEKEBSJSHSVS IM LOSING IT

Look at the cocky mf man sjsgdhd

I must say i love the progression of Baki's personality

ANDOOOO

Chapter 197

Katsumi is deranged

My health problems are solved btw

I honestly hope Katsumi wins, for the honor of shinshinkai exclusively

Doppo looks so proud of his son 🥺

These mfs so childish ffs

...how is he that small 😭

I really don't understand any of these people

Chapter 198

I love seeing Toba just around doing shit like yeah king you go. My nostalgia enjoys his presence

Toba king i don't want to see you on a wheelchair please-

Toba baby you are going to die and horrible death and i will hate to be the witness of it

LSHSJSHSKHWKSHS ???

He's dead 😔

SHOUT-OUT TO THE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO COMPARED TOBA TO THE TERRAFORMARS ROACHES 😭😭💀

Chapter 199

Igari right? He's dead too. I have less doubt than anyone else, Hanayama is a beast.

THEHWHSHHS 😭 WHY DOES HE HAVE TO OPEN BOTTLES LIKE THAT FFS

Different? Idk man he looks the same to me

Chapter 200

Like it's not just brawling man if anyone the size and strenght of Hanayama did anything they would win no matter what, this mf is a beast

THAT'S SO MEAN THEY WERE SUCH BESTIES OUGH MY HEART 😢💔

I'm sorry, he's gonna get WHAT? 😳

Ndhskshskhdkd obsessed

THESE MEN OMFG.... IM LOSING IT

So glad at least SOMEONE is still a bro 😒

HANAYAMA BRO??? IM BETTING ALL MY MONEY ON YOU BRO PLEASE

Obsessed he didn't even realize

THANKS HANAYAMA PHEW I WAS GETTING WORRIED FOR A SECOND THERE!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

And that's it for tonight, adiós

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher of the Night (Chapter 16.1)

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

UPDATES FOR WITCHER OF THE NIGHT WILL BE PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY NOW IN MY TIME (GMT +8) (GUESS WHAT? IT AIN’T SATURDAY TODAY! LMAO)

CHAPTER 16

WITCHER OF THE NIGHT MASTERLIST

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: The best part has finally come to an end, life aren’t all smiles and rainbows. Now, here comes the negativity that will surely eat you whole with the life you have with the witcher. 

Warnings: Fluff! Kinda’ Dad! Geralt? Slight. Cirilla being such a sweetheart? Jaskier being Jaskier. Mention of blood. Insecure and overthinking reader. Mention of Yennefer and Renfri. 

Words: 8k+

A/N: This should’ve been posted last saturday. But, life happened so here it is. I should’ve been taking a break but I think I’ll have my break next saturday instead. Think of this as if I just gotten late to post this chapter for you, bb’s! Though, there will be no update on June 27 instead! 

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE! Sorry for the grammatical errors and such because English isn’t my mother tongue!

Disclaimer: PNG’s and pictures used in edits are not mine even the GIF’s too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. It was the day where Geralt was back on his wild hunt. He'd procrastinated more than he can ever plead for; taking him days with his family was better than having none as the lone witcher would leave with nothing but his horse and sword like the good ol' days.

Other times, he'd have Jaskier in his trips when the bard was too restless to stay and guard Cirilla---it has been two years for doing so---and he would complain about how tedious Geralt would tell his stories about slaughtering such a specific beast. The toubadour wanted to experience and see everything happen before his eyes regardless of his fear for such. 

Which leaves Cuthbert and his family for taking care of the princess. Besides, Geralt thought it would be better that people wouldn't see Cirilla living in their home from time to time, as it can also complicate how she would be found because she didn't need to be.

But, with you around; there has to be somebody that was needed to guard and take care of his child of surprise; leading the preferable options down to you because you knew how a girl works and how their mind moves rather than with Jaskier who always welcomes him home with arguments about nonsense things together with his child of surprise. Complaining how she'd intentionally stomped on his foot because of how she was confined in their home all the darn times till how his cooking was abnormally awful rather than Geralt's.

No matter how uneasy Geralt was with leaving everyone alone, he needed to sacrifice the worries away for his family and choose the safety for the people. Even if it would take him days to bask in his solitude with Roach whom he would have as his silent companion.

The witcher was getting ready for his hunt today. He was checking on stuffs that were utterly important not to forget. Elixirs. Herbs. Equipment. Weapons. Geralt continued to place his things inside his bag before a soft piece of parchment has brushed off his fingertips, making him stop from rummaging inside his bag to snatch it out.

It was the drawing he retrieved from the gallants he'd fought. The broken sketch of you and him together, taken from being scoured by the royal guards because he was needed for a favor that could help the kingdom and its heir.

Fucking people who kept on needing him all the damn time. He silently spewed blasphemy over and over inside his head for making his life more complex than it ever was with Destiny laughing on his side.

Especially that he was finally accepting what it brings to him. You.

He'd taken one last look on the paper before tucking it inside his bag; in a safe place where it wouldn't be destroyed before he'd heard familiar stealthy footsteps padding closer to where he stood beside his horse.

"Geralt,"

Jaskier has taken what the witcher has fetched him to, showing the contents of what laid on his palms before his brooding friend has taken it with a begrudging look that says he woke up on the bad side of the bed today.

Though, the bard was sure he did because of the perception that he needed to leave you alone in his chambers.

Geralt has given him a sharp look which has taken aback Jaskier who seemed to be surprised in such the break of dawn, ceasing his yawn when he'd received such surprising antagonism. He saw the blank stare he'd given him, thoroughly stupefied from whatever sauciness he was trying to give.

Jaskier could even notice how he was more quiet and grumpier than usual first thing in the morning. An unusual state of the witcher when you came along because he was finally talking more after getting some sleep.

"What’s going on, Geralt? Did something happened? I thought friends trust each other! You know you can trust me on this---anything! Is Roach dying? do you need another horse?"

The monster-slayer raised a sassy brow at his friend, looking away as he went on to obtain the items that laid on Jaskier's hands. His hands abnormally heavy as their hands grazed each other; letting the bard know that there was something more to it other than the idea that you would be away from him.

"Should I ask you the same thing?" he deeply grumbled, sounding like a snarl that has caught Jaskier off guard.

His talkative friend appeared to be wounded from his silent grudges that he held out for him. Jaskier couldn't help but scrunch his face in utmost perplexity, feeling aggravated for what attitude Geralt has been giving him when all he had been doing was help him in such a crazy, early hour of the morning.

He won't be taking his attitude when he was still heavy-eyed from trying to get his sleep last night. Reasons why he couldn't was because his room was beside yours and the insatiable witcher. Technically, his suggestions that have been approved sometimes hit him in the head like a boomerang; he didn't think it through that his advice can bring him results where he would suffer.

Geralt and his shitty, overly developed libido.

"But, I don’t have a horse! Why are you---Oh! Ohohoho. You were being sarcastic! I know you---know the differences of those monotones of your verbose timbres. Everybody should applaud me for it," Jaskier scornfully laughed, annoyed by how the witcher has been acting. He held onto his hips, shoulders rolled as his head fell back while he sarcastically laughed, feeling the swift breeze of the morning fog giving him a whiplash as Geralt walked pass him to fix Roach's reigns. The toubadour has turned on his heels to see the subtle swerving of topic by staying silent and minding his own business.

"---I'm utterly not in the mood for your grouchy attitude, Witcher! You sound like you are accusing me of something I shouldn’t have done!"

Roach gave a nicker as she heard two friends share their squabbles; being immature over not sharing what one has a problem over the other.

"You sound guilt-ridden." Geralt bluntly stated, ignoring the bard who has sauntered in front of him with an offended face. His friend seem to be lost at words from where ever his hostility is coming from. 

Jaskier tried thinking it through, cocking his head to the side as he stood before the brooding witcher. He hadn't been too intrusive the past few days nor did he try and get his patience boiling. In all honesty, the bard has set a good amount of space around Geralt when you came in their lives. Reaching to the point that Geralt spends his time with you and Cirilla a lot more than him.

Though, there were the times where Jaskier gets to spend more time with you than Geralt when he was being the complicated mutant he is, sharing banters with you that ends up in a wrestling match because of how he kept on spitting jests that rattles the kindness you ought to have.

The witcher knew Jaskier blushed when he’d accidentally tackled you to the ground from choking him with all your might as you used your arms. The bard’s weight bringing you down when he tried battling with your physical blitz of ripostes. Geralt couldn’t help but purse his lips at that as he watched you wrestle with his annoying bard who had a palpitating heart from being flustered over you. 

Jaskier likes you and he was sure about that.

"W-What---Oh! what a fuckin’ crass you are! What do you even mean?!" he bellowed and stammered, sounding and looking utterly lost. Pretty ocean blue eyes demanding for answers over what grudges he was holding; dramatically raising a hand for thespian gestures.

"Does she look like Booker? No. I suppose not. The cavalier you were fond with was horrible," Geralt sounded too straightforward, never known to sprinkle his words with flowery vernacular that would consider him kind and nice. He gave out a loud, audible sigh; giving him a nonplussed look.

No matter how rude he sounded, his eyes had a look of defiance and understanding. The witcher wasn't mad at the fact that Jaskier has taken a liking towards his midget. No. Geralt knew better than to be enraged over feelings he couldn't control; much so to himself despite of hating the strong feelings he was having over you.

Besides that, Jaskier was his friend. He respected you and Geralt because he knew what was coming forth between the both of you. Like a masochist, even to the point of helping you and the white wolf build the relationship that was bound to happen sooner or later.

Julian Alfred Pankratz just knew you were both endgame from the moment Geralt of Rivia have saved you from those scoundrels. What stated his facts correct was the subtle glimpses that the witcher has been giving you whenever you were around or near their presence; staring when you least expect him to and caring when you needed to be fostered.

Your existence had Geralt thoroughly interested for what and who you were and his friend could visibly see that.

Hence, right at this moment; it was his time to look obvious towards the ivory haired witcher over his one-sided attraction he had for you.

"I should've known, Jaskier. Your gestures aren't exactly subtle."

Geralt shook his head when he lately realized that, clasping a hand over Jaskier's shoulder to give a firm pat; respecting whatever he felt for you. If he wanted to continue those unrequited feelings, it was fine. But, the gesture from him was a silent discussion that he won't be backing down nor stepping away to give the him the opportunity to become what Geralt is already to you.

"I beg your pardon---? Shouldn't you be attacking me with your little tricks already?---I mean, right! Yeah." Jaskier started and stammered at the same time, but was cut off by a terse statement.

"Never leave her side as much as I would."

Geralt gave another light pat to his shoulder before he walked around him, treading over the front door to retrieve two flasks of water and your special Ale that he somehow needed to bring because it reminded of you. The bard trailed behind him, following his footsteps till he was hunched over to get them.

"Geralt, if I may ask---but I hope you wouldn't punch me in the gut after this. The Djinn, obviously was a snake in the lake. What will happen to her now?"

Jaskier just couldn't help but shut his mouth now, does he? he thought at the back of his mind, silently cursing for even bringing it up for him to remember.

The witcher stood up with a long drag of his breath; sounding surfeited by how his mind worked. He was in deep ponder over knowing that his friend had taken the hots for you too, yet he appeared to sound like he was pushing you away soon that he knew Geralt was thoroughly enamored.

"Now, you want her to go." he deadpanned, nettled by what he was suggesting. His eyebrows tightly crossed together from how cretinous it sounded, "---I've been told by a daft of a bard to keep the rat when I was finding a shitty Djinn,"

Geralt couldn't accept what he was hearing. He didn't need to hear this question especially when he was leaving for a hunt. The latter was finally trying to accept what destiny holds out for him, testing what would happen with you around; thinking if it was even a smart decision for him to not challenge fate for the second time around.

It was probably for the better before any sacrifices can happen. Though, why was he even being questioned when he's finally having momentous moments with you?

Geralt gravelly hummed in displeasure, walking away from his friend as he said out loud with a brooding demeanor, moon over by what questioned he received when he'd only done what everybody wanted from him.

"You smell of heartache, rejection and bewilderment, bard."

Jaskier looked utterly wounded from receiving such spiteful words.

"O-Oh! You just didn't quote me that, witcher! You are beyond frank and hilarious when you are being verbally challenged!"

He heavily marched towards Geralt, stopping in front of him with his arms dramatically wide open; indignant of how petty he sounded for being asked over a question that was bound to be inquired soon enough because you were a person who came from another dimension that truly exists.

"I was simply asking what you would do when the rat finally needs to come home from where she rightfully belongs! What will happen to her?!----especially, to you, huh?!"

Geralt's eyes were heavy as it landed on him. Brooding. Crestfallen. Enough to say that the concept of it made him even more dejected and disgruntled. The witcher kept his mouth tightly shut, snapping his eyes away to mule over what he said.

You were already a part of his home besides his original family and Geralt didn't know what to do when one person leaves. Again. He was already done with leaving people and it wasn't surprising when karma hits him back as it'll use you as a pawn.

But, he does not opt for it to happen.

Jaskier brought his arms down to his sides. Baby blue eyes narrowed and his eyebrows pushed together to elicit his worry for his friend despite of the real deal that he also had with you.

"----Because apparently, you are in the risk of heartache when the time comes for her to leave. Isn't that right, Geralt?"

The break of dawn is nigh; dark and light colliding to meet the sun as they were finally reaching daybreak from all the fusses that was happening. He should've left before you even woke up, knowing you would be slightly upset as you weren't used to what life he had nor did you exactly have the vivid idea of everything.

You knew nothing at all and soon enough, Geralt was sure it'll kick him in the butt for not saying anything more about their world and for what it holds.

"You aren't just fond of her anymore. It's beginning to grow more than that," Jaskier honestly convinced his theories and observations, pausing to look at Geralt who has given him a tiny quirk of his brow for what he wanted to say, "---Before you tell me that it's because of something the Djinn has cast upon you both, it must be wrong."

Geralt went completely silent; letting Jaskier share his opinions laid out for him to understand, "You risked to appear in front of that wandering vampire that the queen has kept around---" pause. "---risked everything we had, trying to lay low from everyone because our lives are at stake here,"

Jaskier's weight fell on one foot to the other, raising a hand to point at himself as he continued to conclude, "You can fool anyone but me, Geralt. I can see who she is for you,"

"What do you want me to say, Bard?"

He brought a finger up to the witcher, ceasing his temper from bursting out of nowhere, "All I'm saying is that you shouldn't let her go." pause. "---Keep her, because I know you'll think of the greater good and try to fix everything according to your treacherous and foolish plans. Don't let her leave you---don't make her leave us,"

Geralt cocked his head to the side, forehead creased in confusion for the sudden contrast of his advice. His friend was technically not sounding forthright after asking him what his decision was with the involvement of you.

The latter started again, "Choose---" Brusque and impatient. His harsh, clipped tones cut him off. Geralt stated as a matter of fact, "---the lesser evil. So, I've been told."

He rounded up and dragged his feet away from the bard, walking the path back to his horse with a vexed Jaskier who angrily marched to where he was.

"No, you fool!" he ungraciously exclaimed, standing beside Geralt who took Roach's reigns, tugging at it as he motioned for her that it was time for her to gait, taking heavy steps away from their home while Jaskier followed close.

"---choose the greater good; even if the decision makes you selfish, Geralt."

The witcher looked up at the sky, seeing the beautiful sunny color paving its way to greet them a good morning. It wasn't a good morning to him based on how irritating the start of his day began. He stopped his mosey with an evident sigh, letting Jaskier continue to talk.

"---Stop challenging fate before it's too late---you deserve to be happy---surprising isn't it? From a bard who keeps on blabbing horse shite all the bloody time---well, I'm tired of being with a brooding witcher! If it means to be with a rat forever just for you to stop being cantankerous then I'm accepting the sacrifice!"

The bard's voice echoed across the meadow, combining along with the chirping of birds and the strong breeze of the morning wind. Roach was sniffing Geralt when he'd heard that soft padded footsteps jumping down their stairs in a hurried manner. He'd given Jaskier a disappointed look of his golden peepers; his plan now ruined that he would leave without bidding goodbye because of one bard that could always get under his skin for no reason.

"You were saying, bard?"

You were out of the threshold in no time. Hair in a tangled mess from your previous nightly adventures; along with your painted skin that had witcher bites, looking gauche from wearing Geralt's large tunic that ended on your knees with nothing under and a pout drawn to your face as you ran barefoot along the meadow, wildly screaming his name.

"Geralt-of-fucking-Rivia!" you panted and whined, never believing that he was leaving without any form of goodbyes, "---Don’t you dare step a foot! I swear to God, I will cut your majestic white hair when you walk away and I’ll never make you my special ale anymore!"

The threat was loud enough for him to cease his footsteps; plans of irritating you further would never be a good idea especially that he was leaving for a hunt. 

Palms upon your knee, you stood in front of the frowning witcher wearing his black, leather full gear armor; heaving deep pathetic breaths as your hauled over yourself, raising a hand to stop him from leaving.

When you've finally caught your breath, you promptly straightened your back; letting him see your swollen eyes due to sleeping late with probably morning dew slipping a few off the ends of your eyes. He affectionately caught sight of your upset ones; displeased from his sudden flee.

"How dare you leave when you know I don't wake up early like this?---and leaving without a hug!? Seriously, Geralt?!" you declared, obviously unsettled from being fucked the night after without waking you up to say that he was about to leave you for days in a world you hardly know about?

"---What if I don't get to see you again?"

Questions after questions, you demanded answers from Geralt in which it shall never be received based on how he simply watched you raved, feeling the discomfort and worry of leaving his family alone, "What if you never come back?" it sounded like you were thoroughly agonizing over the idea. You started to fret, toes feeling the moist pasture land over the soles of your feet; bringing you more concern.

"---What if I've been kidnapped or something?!"

Geraly shook his head, mouth in a tight thin line as he interrupted, "You're never leaving the house, midget. You need to take care of Cirilla," he let go of Roach's reigns to place his arms on either side of him, his tone more passive than yours, the words he told held more meaning as if he was giving a lot more trust than he can ever do by letting you handle the responsibility for his child of surprise even just for days.

The point simply tells you that he wasn't treating like you were his possession after admitting his feelings. Geralt was acting like a father and a husband for making you feel that way over supporting what he does for a living.

Just the act itself made you reach out for Geralt's hand, tightly clutching it in both of yours like you didn't want him to leave because you were feeling a little agitated for no reason. Overthinking always does take a toll on you. But often times, these female intuitions you have were correct for whatever bad feelings you were having.

Geralt closed his fist to subtly caress the back of your hand as Jaskier tried to convince and pour ice to your anxiety filled head, "Small rat, those are only predictions. He won't die yet. You're talking to a 100 year old witcher and you're frightened that he wouldn't come back alive?"

You face suddenly morphed into confusion, giving Jaskier a look of puzzlement. 100 years old? Geralt never looked that old to you, maybe his face was pretty much mature than yours but his features tells that he was around 30'ish and above, a lot more older than you nevertheless.

Geralt was still quiet as he continued to brush his thumb over the back of your hand. No objection was received and so, you believed Jaskier's words were true. Yet, his age never made you uneasy nor made you want to run for the hills. He was still Geralt. Your mean looking, soft-hearted witcher. More human than any other man can ever be.

He was yours. Only yours; and you needed to bite your tongue from saying words that would taser your heart from being unanswered.

"Wait---what--- you're a 100 years old?!?!----anyway, Geralt---!!" Geralt only hummed in dissatisfaction for Jaskier's existence in their world.

You peered up at the witcher with a fretful beam, your nose scrunching from feeling too worried for him when he goes out to hunt for his monsters; remembering what stories he told and the scars you've seen on his body. It was making your heart feel heavy, and Geralt wasn't a simpleton to not know nor feel how concerned you were for him.

It's been a long time since he's ever had someone making him feel all sorts of things and the doubled up emotions was making it more uncontrollable for the feelings he had for you.

"In our world, when a person leaves, they always bid their goodbyes!" Geralt drowsily blinked back at you, an utter soft flicker in his eyes that made your heart turn to mush.

Your eyes were hopeful as you asked, "---now, where's mine?"

You've let go of his hand, timidly standing before him with your frail arms on either side; wiggling your bare toes on the grass as you shyly waited for his reaction. Was it too much to ask even just a kiss before he goes?

"Goodbye, midget." the white wolf gravelly rasped, insincerity dripping in his tone because he didn't like bidding goodbyes to people he would still get to see again. The words seemed to be bitter for his taste, his farewell totally feigned because he was never going to leave for good. You've seen a tiny slip of his fangs as he talked and tried to regret what he said.

"---though, I doubt I meant that because I am not leaving for good,"

His reaction made you want to jump in a hole and just talk to yourself instead. Your face fell at that and Jaskier was found silently wincing from what the witcher has interpreted. He would rather bask in his own laughter and silence by himself than be punched by Geralt. So, he did; snorting a chuckle as he continued to eavesdrop and watched you both in a conversation.

Though, the bard's laughter was momentarily ceased when Geralt sent him a scowl.

"Why am I---why are witchers idiots? why are you an idiot sometimes?!"

Jaskier was known to be brave for even deciding to be Geralt's travel companion before; having the freedom to annoy him and never gotten the chance to end up beheaded or served as a meal for monsters. He was the only person who Geralt could handle no matter how he brings problems and for how annoying he can become.

However, at some point; they've gotten into a huge fight and it was intense. Luckily, they were on good terms right now after being separated.

"I second the notion, small rat!" the toubadour jested with a grin; Geralt's lack of knowledge about romantic gestures entertaining him.

You palmed your face in fluster and from the frustration; seeming more difficult to say what you truly wanted because Jaskier was close enough to hear what you could ask. A frown etched your face, grouching before the witcher like a kid that has never been given a big swirling rainbow lollipop.

"I didn't meant that! I meant---I meant---!"

You were stammering as you stood rooted on the ground, glancing up at Geralt while subtly pointing to your pouted lips. He calmly breathed out his frustrations from not understanding you prior before. But, the way his golden eyes lit up, sparkling beneath the sun's rays made you see that he knew what you meant.

His eyes were like diamonds twinkling under the sun and it always leaves you bewitched.

He has given Jaskier another grimace before humming back at you in comprehension, "A buss." His mouth curled in a small smile before you've seen him give you a gesture with his hand; urging you to come closer.

"Come ere'. You should've been more specific, midget."

Geralt slung an arm around your hips, his armor hitting your skin with soft clungs; pulling you closer to him as he leaned down to your height, catching your ajar lips in between his as he puckered to give you the most tender kiss you've received, taking you breath away like how he always does.

He'd kissed the tips of your vermillion, feeling like the other piece of your heart has been put together; making you feel complete. Satisfied. With the sudden life that was given to you when you woke up in the middle of the forest, having no idea how you've been transported.

But, experiencing no obstacles in their world from the time being was making you feel jittery because you knew life didn't work that way. It always leads you into an ocean, making you drown in impediments that can assuredly take the happiness away from you in just a flash.

You knew something was about to happen because fate always leads you in that position. It was like it wanted you to taste what contentment in life would be before snatching it out of your hands.

What would your fate bring you in their world?

Geralt has pulled away in the slightest amount. The tips of your vermillion brushing against his as your heart felt heavier to feel his warmth around you; not liking the concept of your witcher away because of certain reasons you couldn't explain. Faint voices has woken you up from your slumber, forewarning about him leaving you; urging for Geralt not to go which took you to run out of the door in your disheveled state.

He lightly gave you a kiss on the tips of your nose; your mouth frowned at that no matter how your heart slightly fluttered from the soft gesture. Geralt straightened his back as he has given Jaskier a knowing look. Jaskier unconsciously has given him a subtle roll of his eyes, feeling that he was being cocky for showing that he had the freedom to kiss you like that. It was how Geralt could define his repartee and Jaskier swore that he got one point of having the upper hand from the surprising physical display of affection.

"Difficult...to be lovers with a 100 year old witcher, won't you say?" he sent the message to you and sounded like he wanted to sulk but he covered the tone with a feigned cough.

Light hurried footfall came falling behind. The Ashen haired child announced her appearance with a look of nausea; her nose twisted in distaste for what she saw because she had already been watching you three in a distance.

"Ugh, gross." she joked, quickly replacing her abhorrence with a genuine smile, "---Is this how disgusting it is to see a child's parents kiss?"

Everybody turned to look at her, the arm that has snaked around you was now gone as you also looked at the princess with a bewildered expression for what she'd said. Nobody dared to object nor concur to what they've heard, only reticence.

But, not for Jaskier. He'd called Cirilla out for saying those words unexpectedly.

"So, you're calling them your parents now? Mother? Father?---and me?"

The lion cub of Cintra raised a sardonic brow as she tightly crossed her arms over her chest, tone all jest and playful as she commented, "---Which leads to you, bard." she abruptly paused to make it sound more intriguing as she spat, "---a dust mite in the household."

Cirilla took several steps closer to Geralt, making you fall back to give them time together. You've given them both a loving smile to indicate that you loved seeing them interact all the time because of how compassionate he was over his child, such a fatherly thing he appeared to be like, with the princess finding comfort and protection in his arms as she stepped closer to give the witcher a big, bear hug that he certainly didn't think twice to accept.

"Take care, Geralt. More than ever--please do come back,”

You eyed Geralt who was hugging Cirilla, your smile turning wider than ever as you lively jested among the affectionate scene you were seeing from a father and daughter.

"Is this the part where we should give you a group hug?---Okay! Okay! I'm joining!" Cirilla wholly accepted the idea of that and pulled your arm to surround beside her and Geralt; his hand immediately falling on your side, grabbing you closer once you were pulled by the pretty child.

The giggles that he heard from you both has lifted a smile on his brooding, sharp features. He lowly hummed in content before lifting his eyes off his girls in his arms to glance at Jaskier who seemed to suddenly be out of humor.

"Bard." he gruffly called out, amused from how the troubadour was despondent from the whole thing happening. Geralt gave an audible huff, alarming Jaskier because he knew what he was thinking. The witcher was thinking how pathetic he was looking to be so withdrawn over the abrupt embraces under the newly emerging morning sun.

"A dust mite mustn't interfere with a family group hug---oof! This is harassment!"

Jaskier was strongly pulled by Geralt who took no complaints over the embosom he was in, puffing out a frustrated breath as he tried to pull back from the embrace but had no choice when the witcher was using his strength, his hand behind the poet. His slight struggle painless for him. He gave the bard a strong pat on the back that made him cough out on how his lungs hurt from the sudden attack.

His grapples were cut short when you've placed your palm just below Geralt's; giving Jaskier a hug as well. Your touch felt unexpected as the white wolf heard his sudden heart palpitations over the subtle brush of your fingers on his friend.

Geralt knew, but not you.

Jaskier will be fine. If this was the only affectionate gesture that he could get you in, so be it. His unrequited affection will go away slowly, he hoped.

The white wolf's departure haven't lasted for a day till you were low spirited enough to stare out onto the windows, sitting on the stoned sill of the windows. Your viewpoint giving such reverence over how immeasurable their world could offer. From trees to the core of their land certainly looked earthy to you. A facsimile of what your world has been. Do they have oceans too? Noodles? Oh, you definitely wanted noodles for thinking about it.

Kaedwen. It was what their kingdom is called. You've also heard about Nilfgaard. Novigrad. But, you have no idea as to what it looks like rather than the kingdom of Kaedwen that looks no good like how you imagined Switzerland to be if you were talking about how the government treats their people.

Humans were treated poorly and even to the point of selling themselves as slaves; remembering what you have heard and saw while walking around the marketplace back then. They were living in dirt and striving to live with the ones who were abundant, seeing like they could never surpass to be cared for like they were humans.

Their government are treating them like garbage. The medieval movies you've watched were real because you also remember how you were close to being sold by a nobleman because no one knew who you were; having no name or a bloodline that could save you from being abjected.

Except for Geralt who needed to create a bloodbath just for you to live. The act alone has probably given him a violation against their law because of how he'd killed knights or people. Or was it legal for it happen?

You were staring far too long out in the open; waiting for your witcher to come back. What if he was away to probably find the sorceress that could bring you back home? Or better yet, what if he did find Yennefer and comes back choosing her instead because you're too dependent over him. His tiny mortal who always needed saving?

What if he gets tired of you? will he throw you away just like how people treat their lovers in earth when they're bored of each other?

What if you've just existed in their dimension because you were needed to fill the empty gap of Geralt's heart until he finds the sorceress?

You've asked Jaskier about it the past few days ago which has left your heart in a disgruntled mess when you've had answers over his relationships he never tells about.

"So, Yennefer, huh?" you've followed Jaskier out of the house. Nightfall was about to come by soon and Geralt wasn't around as he left with no words. The bard jogged through the end of the meadow till he'd reach the edge of the vast forest, twigs and branches breaking apart from every step when you've trailed behind him with a bothered heart.

"What?---Oh! You're asking me who she is?" Jaskier crouched to pick up blocks of wood that will cover up the whole night full of brisk as darkness was bound to visit soon. You hugged yourself to calm down the goosebumps that rose your skin when the cold hits you,"---Would you want a simplified explanation or a detailed one?"

You thought for a moment before feeling your heart beat ringing in your ears. It was that loud for the anticipation running in your veins for how curious you were about Geralt and a vision of his past, "The simplified one,"

Jaskier continued his rummaging, picking up woods after woods as he nonchalantly tittle-tattled, "She's a strong, fierce sorceress. Nice too because she's helped me out of a curse but also kind of rude to me---I am not biased just because of the whole crow’s feet ordeal---they've shared quests and I've been there to witness how they connect with each other. However, their relationship has lots of ups and downs. They've somehow find each other no matter what happens back in the decades except for now."

Your throat felt like there was some phantom hands trying to choke you; constantly bickering back to tell how strong and powerful she was that they've shared tales and adventures. It was downing over your head about how much of a burden you have been to Geralt, the constant feeling of your relationship with him being the cause of the responsibility he had for taking you because he had no other choice that he was the first person you've encountered.

You were definitely the most useless amongst his prior lovers.

He shrieked when a large bug has flew over his face, flicking them away with his hands as he threw his arms around; trying to hit the bug with a block of wood as he continued to talk, "---Move away, you shite of a bug!---Geralt stopped finding her due to reasons I have no clue about and because he needed to avoid people at all costs---but---oh, gods. It’s quite difficult to explain,"

Jaskier has gathered all the wood he needed. You've reach out to help him carry the blocks but before you could even touch them, he'd stepped away and walked around you as he continue to speak, "Oh, and about Renfri; don't bother nor think about it."

He heard your footfalls following him back to the meadow and even heard you exclaim, "Why?"

"She's reached her demise. Explains why Geralt has a moniker named the 'butcher of Blaviken'. Ended up killing her to save an ignoble child named Masha---Martha---Marilka?! Oh, whatever! He chose that to save the innocent lives of people instead. He never told you that?"

Your felt the needles poking through your chest because of how naive it felt to know nothing about it, also feeling sad about her early demise. You've remembered how Geralt ceased his stories when he'd reach the part where he went to a town named Blaviken; not even bothering to tell you that he has met a woman named Renfri and somehow had such hapless fate between them both.

You felt foolish. Ignorant over a story that was never told. Hence, it was enough to turn that smile upside down as you quietly muttered, "No."

Jaskier stopped walking, waiting for you to catch up as you stood beside him with a frown. He'd given you the twinkle of his pretty baby blue eyes with a sympathetic smile as he uttered, "That's never new, though. It's understandable. I've experienced it too, don't worry. Geralt has always been Geralt. He rarely becomes loquacious,"

You've crossed your arms behind your back, your fingers fidgeting; nails scratching your palm from how you were feeling the tiny prickle of your nerves telling that you weren't in the best part of your brain. The dragging feeling on your chest adding more weight from the start that Jaskier has opened his mouth to chat.

"He does that for anyone, huh? Saving people, I mean."

Jaskier was oblivious about how you've turned your head away to anxiously nibble on your lower lip. He was incognizant over your disappointed mental breakdown of your own self because he went on to simply tell, "No matter how he says that he doesn't want to be involved nor desires for anyone needing him. He still saves them because---"

You immediately cut him off, swallowing the tight knot in your throat, looking at him in the eye with a disheartened gaze, "He doesn't want people needing him?"

"Geralt never liked it. But, guess what brought you here! You! Even had the chance of needing Geralt because you were lost and vulnerable. Was it out of pity? I---I---No. No. Definitely not out...of...pity?"

When the moment he'd seen your eyes, Jaskier was quick to know that he made the wrong choice of words and even the topic to tell. He gave an awkward grin, instantly regretting what he said when you've shifted those eyes to look away.

"Why did they never see each other again?"

The bard has cursed himself repeatedly inside his mind, praying to the gods that you won't be mad at Geralt when he comes home because him and Cirilla didn't need another chance of being surrounded by the silence eating them up when you both are having misunderstandings or issues about each other.

"The witcher has made mistakes. He let her slip away. They've parted after a pretty intense fight."

He'd pretty much simplified everything, sounding like he told it to you in bullet form and left you alone in the middle of the field as he ran back inside. Though, it was too late. You've heard what is needed to know and the discomfort that dropped inside your stomach felt like these feelings you had for Geralt was already serious.

It was definitely too late because you've lately realized that liking him wasn't the correct term. Love felt better and deeper.

Soft knocking has pulled you off your reverie which has made you blink as you swiftly turned your head to see a child whom you also have a soft heart for. This child that has no idea why she was being persecuted---or maybe you were the person who had no thought again as to what reason and purpose does Nilfgaard want from her because honestly, all you could see from her was a child who had nobody left behind for her to console. If it wasn't for Geralt, she probably would have been taken by the people who want her.

You narrowed your gaze and gave her a bit of your scrutiny, angling your head in a way that tells the child you were trying to look through her. Did she have some sort of magic too? Was she a mutant too?

"Mum'?---will it be alright for me to call you that? I--I---I don't want to call you rat or midget," she tried to call you for the third time. Her bright cobalt eyes buoyant as she wend one's way, ceasing before you with a tight-lipped smile.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" you softly pardoned with a sweet smile.

The princess couldn't help but bashfully give a beam, conscious if you've said that because you didn't want to be called that way. But, she gave no second doubts and repeated her questions again; anxiously and hopeful to undertake.

"Can I call you Mum'? Everybody has a nickname for you and also considering how you've started taking care of me---with---with Geralt now deeming as your beloved..." she trailed off in the middle of her sentence and you waited for her to continue but it was intentionally left to be dithered.

Heat traveled towards your cheeks. The princess wanted to call you 'Mum'? you silently questioned yourself. Your heart beat was racing from being accepted by his child of surprise, sounding like she wanted you to be her mother and seeing her fret before you made you think that she would gladly be your daughter as long as you were comfortable.

"Beloved? Right! Right! You can call me anything you want, Ciri."

The affirmation made her give you a toothy grin. Cirilla didn't think twice and merrily cajoled with a small hop of her feet that were close against each other, "Great, Mum'! Can you teach me how to bake?---maybe a cake---oh! Or a very scrumptious bread!?"

Your sullen features have been promptly lifted on the spot. You've grasped onto what she wanted, a distraction from how apprehensive she seemed to be like from the way her heels tap on the stone floor and to the way her forehead was slightly creased like she was on pins and needles. The princess was even worried because Geralt wasn't around to guard anyone in the household.

Her wrist was quickly snatched by you, pulling her out of your chambers and running through the hallway, towards down the stairs with heavy, excited thumps.

"Of course! would you like me to teach you how I'd baked blueberry muffins from the other night?"

The lion cub of Cintra hummed in mirth, nodding behind despite of knowing you couldn't see her as you pulled her around. Your eyes scanned the first floor of the house to see Kolby snuffling the front door with Jaskier no where to be seen.

You passed by the newly fixed table; knowing that Geralt ended up fastening back what was ruined. Trying to whisk your head away, you did you best not to feel the warmth spread over your face. Toes were lifted up to the highest as you reached for the door of the cupboards to see the bowls all gone when the last time you remembered; the white wolf has changed the position of plates in a much lower level for your sake.

Jaskier was just intentionally doing it right now and it made your blood boil for his constant teasing.

"I'm going to strangle that bard. I swear to Thor; I hope he hits Jaskier with a lightning---where did he even place all the bowls again?!" you complained more so to yourself as Cirilla was left standing on your side, waiting for your next command.

You've gestured with your hand, making her stay inside the kitchen while you walked away. The Hirikka suddenly howling out of the blue when you jogged towards the front door, stepping out of the threshold as Kolby followed suit.

"Jaskier?!" a loud yell echoed as you called at the top of your voice; seeing no bard anywhere.

Kolby unexpectedly sprinted, running off your side as he turned along the path around the house where the back door lead to.

You groaned out loud, strolling to where the Hirikka went, "Jaskier! Will you please tell me where---Jaskier!"

An ear-piercing shriek left your lips. Heart stopped from beating, your blood running cold as you were filled with panic and fear from seeing Jaskier hunkered down in the middle of chevaliers circling him like he was being tyrannized.

Armored gallants sat on their horses, their helmets taken off their faces which has given you images of what they looked like. A mixture of different ethnicity that you were well aware of back in earth. But, they've shared gazes in their eyes that placed you in a horrified position that tells everything was about to go down and it wasn't just Jaskier hunched on the ground.

When he heard your footsteps, he was pleading that you wouldn't actually visit the back part of the house but seeing Kolby safeguarding as he stood in front of you; thoroughly feral and livid for visitors that weren't invited at all, Jaskier knew all hell was about to break lose.

"A liar, bard." you've heard that voice back in the marketplace, a timbre you didn't wish to hear ever again as it haunts you with memories that he was a mystical being and the person who has stabbed you to bleed.

"The witcher didn't bring his little woman all along," Tybalt's breath fanned your ears, making you hastily step away from the vampire with your eyes all wide from the spine-chilling memory that gets you shunning away. Kolby was rapid enough to slip in between the uncomfortable space that Tybalt has locked you in, all predatory and wild as the movement made you stumble down beside Jaskier.

You've coughed out from being accidentally pushed to the ground, the knights of Kaedwen stepping back to include you in the tyranny of hopeless pleading. The bard's lip was wounded. Broken. Bleeding. Claret colored liquid painting his teeth which tells that they've been bashing him for quite some painful minutes. His doublet untidy and disordered from their constant forceful pulling.

"Rat," he weakly groused, holding onto his battered stomach. Jaskier tightly blinked the dirt out of his eyes as he spitefully spat the blood, wiping the blood off his busted lip with the back of his hand. His golden dagger tightly on his palm as he ceaselessly jested. The words coming out of his lips sounding familiar as you remembered you've said it to him before in the middle of being taken.

"---You had one job."

NO UPDATE FOR THIS UPCOMING JUNE 27, BB’S! I’mma take a break! (Or not because I always end up opening my drafts and try to write lmao) I’ll probably write the future chapters for everyone and so, I won’t get stuck on procrastinating before school starts in about after 2 months. LMAO. I get anxious when I think about this fic being unfinished due to random reasons because I don’t want that. FEEDBACKS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! (Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you)

Taglist for WOTN: @alyxkbrl @himarisolace @barkingbullfrog @ayamenimthiriel @hellodevilslittlesister @vania-marie @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us @nympeth @amirahiddleston @gabethelobster @dreaming-about-starfleet @uncoolcloudyhead @melaninstylezz @psychosupernaturalhero @missjenniferb @dance-dreamer @marvelousell @kingniazx @angelias134 @tapismyforte @chook007 @covid-donotenter @winter-moons @cheesecakeisapie @silverkitten547 @angelofthor @carrieannewaywardson, @plantingmum, @stuckupstucky, @shesthelastjedi, @a--1--1--3, @gutfucks​, @raynosaurus-rex

Overall witcher taglist: @pizza-eater-i-ate-the-pizza​

General taglist: @agniavateira​, @iloveyouyen​, @rahdaleigh​,

[snailfen]

shit i remember from the hlvrai tags chronologically

(i watched it sometime in may i think. I do not know)

- the early days where hello gordon was easily very funny

- whenever i checked the tags there was always at least like. Three people posting "whats hlvrai"

- either that or kinda condescending posts from hl fans :( i mean i get it but :(

- that one dr. feelgood video (blows a kis to tumblr user batz) thank yoy

- ahhhhh the days where we could call benrey a tumblr sexyman without any repercussions of people actually seriously thinking he was a sexyman.

- constant reminders that if you posted nsfw content of hlvrai you would Die. i did not mind this can we go back to this please please please </3

- MEMEING ON M/TRIX-86 <3 THE MEMES WERE FUNNY BUT THEY HURT MY EYES

- ALSO someone posted something freaky in the ao3 tags once and i remember the tag here was like "hey do NOT fucking look at ao3" why do i remember that

- fuckinnnnn uhhhh the siren au. That was good :D

- also then there was uhh. constant iterations of wc and mlp designs. that was cool!

- lovecore/aesthetic takeover babyyyyyyyyyy :)

- We All Just drew gordos in dress. I agree

- uhhhhhhhh i dont know what to put here i know there was SOMETHING i was gonna put here. Hell

- OH OH I THINK UHHH THE I PLAY COMPUTER SHIT THAT WAS GOOD i dont know if this was before that last one or after

- we all just collectively went "hlvrai brainrot" i think thats great

- Y2KVR MAN!!!!! THAT WAS FUCKIN COOL AS FUCK. also the barnrey thing that took over too

- uhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHOOH OH YEAH THE FUCKINN HLVRAI MUSICAL!!!!! THAT TOO

- dilftopia

- askblog takeoverrrrrr i wasnt really bothered by this actually i really didnt care

- uh. i know i remembered more shit but uhhhhhh i cant think of anything else to put here. Bye

amd throughout all of this ao3 has still not separated hl fans and hlvrai fans </3

[ionlydatesassyelves]

mods are asleep post more gay drabbles it's the only flavor i can write

modern human au where L and Luigi are seperate people who have to deal with each other, and then they also have to deal with Dimentio. because that's the only other flavor i can write.

((will format correctly in the morning because fuck tumblr mobile))

~~~~~

L wasn't entirely certain when a street performer had set up a magic show in front of his mechanic shop, but it didn't seem to be driving away business, so for now he ignored it. For several weeks, actually, he did a stellar job of ignoring it.

The performer stopped him one day on his way into work, sauntered into his path before the crowd with a dazzling smile. He conjured a rose for L and offered it with a bow, the trick met with cheers and applause.

L scoffed and moved to step around the attention whore, but his path was blocked again. "Not one for flowers, then?" the shorter man sang. He pulled the scarf from his own neck, wrapped it around the delicate rose, and pulled it away with a flourish.

He now held a bouquet of rusty wrenches and screwdrivers wrapped in colorful paper.

L couldn't help it, he laughed, the whole crowd laughing and applauding as well. The man bowed again, and this time L accepted the gift, and he was at last allowed to go on his way.

He pulled the bouquet apart once he entered the shop--not excellent tools, gathered probably from the dump, but the gesture was still hilarious. Once L had unwrapped the paper, he found a card nestled among the tools. No number to call, no elaboration on the givers identity. Only a name.

"Dimentio"

L tried very hard not to hope Dimentio would be hanging around outside his shop again, but he couldn't help being glad to see the thin boy stood up on a box and talking excitedly to the crowd before him.

L elected to spare five minutes to be late for work and watch a couple of Dimentio's tricks. Dimentio smiled when he spotted him in the crowd, asked him to pick a card at one point and summoned it from a little girls knit cap. The girl was delighted, her mother twofold, and she let the little girl hand Dimentio a sizeable tip at the end of the show.

L was more than disappointed he couldn't spare the cash to at least tip Dimentio. He knew Luigi often liked to leave a parting gift for hard working performers that had made him smile, and Dimentio had done that two days in a row. Which was not an easy feat, given L's situation.

The thought pressed firmly at the back of his mind all day. Eventually, he decided to take an early lunch and bolted to catch Dimentio outside.

The performer was gathering tricks and props into a worn duffle bag by this hour, moving onto a different spot. L called out to him before he could go, and Dimentio seemed surprised to see him again.

"I'm afraid you've missed the encore," he teasingly replied, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Nah, I got enough of your flashy tricks, thanks," L returned. He jogged over to meet Dimentio on the corner, and it was more apparent without the box that Dimentio stood more than a full head shorter than him. It was also more apparent he wasn't wearing shoes.

L frowned down at the sidewalk, taking in the boys pale toes and wondering if he was okay. It wasn't the coldest of the year yet, but it was still far from warm.

Dimentio shifted in place, seemingly eager to get on. He smiled at L anyway. "To what do I owe the pleasure then?"

L ran a hand through his messy hair. He was never very good at this. "You eat yet?"

There was a laugh, and L smiled again. It was different than the stage laugh. Dimentio choked on it a little suddenly, and his voice cracked on the end of it. "Was than an invitation?"

L snorted and jerked his head over his shoulder, walking back towards his shop. He was thrilled that Dimentio followed him.

There wasn't much to the shop, but there was a small, worn couch tucked away in a tiny back room where L could retreat to relax and warm up a little. Dimentio left his pack at the door and happily settled onto the couch with his legs folded under him. L tried not to sit too close to him, but it was difficult to not squish in the small space.

L brewed hot coffee for them both and they shared the sack lunch L had brought for the day. He tried to get Dimentio to eat the whole sandwich, insisting he could make something later, but Dimentio refused to touch more than half of anything.

They sat and talked in the warm little nook for some time longer than they probably should have, but eventually Dimentio went on his way.

L didn't mean to go on and on to Luigi every time this happened afterwards, but eventually Luigi encouraged him to take enough food for L and Dimentio to both have a decent lunch. Gradually, their dates became routine enough that Dimentio swung by the shop even when he had been performing elsewhere that morning.

L didn't quite realize he had a crush until the afternoon the windchill picked up and he gave Dimentio an old coat. It swallowed him up, but he had thanked L sincerely, and stood on tiptoes to give L a kiss on the cheek before he left that day. L didn't want to admit he had spent the rest of the day finding his fingers softly touching the spot, but he did.

It was three dates after that when L finally worked up the nerve to scoot closer to Dimentio on the couch and kiss him fully. Dimentio was so quick to slide his arms around L and return the deep kiss. They wound up making out on the couch, and it wouldnt be the first time.

------

Luigi got to meet Dimentio three weeks after the first time L had invited him to lunch. Usually he kept to the quiet, shambly part of the city, but he'd been visiting a friend on that end of town and ran into Luigi on his way to work, mistaking him for L. They had laughed at the mix up, but Luigi was glad to meet Dimentio at last, and Dimentio was thrilled to discover L had been talking about him.

Dimentio had neglected to tease L about it later that day, but when Luigi told him that night his boyfriend was indeed very cute, the flowers and lovebites L had to come home with suddenly made sense.

Luigi and L both began to look forward to Dimentio brightening their days, either in the silly gifts he would conjure for Luigi before work, or the warm kisses he snuck around L's shop to steal. It wasn't uncommon for Dimentio to come up in conversation while Luigi and L ate dinner together.

Winter rolled around, and they began to wonder more and more where Dimentio called home. If he was safe at night, or at least warm.

L stayed up later pacing some nights, wondering where Dimentio might be and if he was okay. Some days his make out session with the preformer turned into something more, and L could give Dimentio an hour or more of warmth and comfort. But Dimentio always left into the bitter cold with L's old jacket pulled tight around his thin form, bare feet against the cold sidewalk, but no less a spring in his step or spark in his smile.

L began working late and hoarding spare change, cutting little treats for himself where he could to gather up a little bit of extra cash. When Luigi finally asked what he was up to, if he needed help with anything, L admitted he wanted to get Dimentio something warm to wear. At least some new shoes. Luigi gave him the sweetest, warmest smile, and began working overtime as well, adding extra tips to L's fund.

L was beyond tickled the day he finally could lead Dimentio into his worn shop hand in hand. After they ate and exchanged their usual quips, L reached behind the couch and handed Dimentio a very large plastic bag. They couldn't do much to wrap the gift, but Dimentio took it with a bewildered grin. "What is this, now?"

"Call it an early Christmas..." L muttered, sitting back and trying to appear as casual as possible. He was sitting on pins and needles, praying Dimentio didn't notice.

Dimentio eagerly set to digging through the bag, but his motions soon slowed. He pulled out two large, fluffy sweaters in bright colors, and a wool scarf with matching hat, holding all the items in a bundle against his chest. He turned and gave L a shaky smile, like he was waiting for the punchline. "...is this for me?"

"Yeah, it's for you," L almost laughed. "Don't want you to fuckin blow away in the wind out there."

Dimentio turned very quickly back to the gifts in his lap. He looked like he might cry. He busied himself instead pulling the box from the bottom of the bag and opening the lid with a quiet gasp.

"They're a little worn..." L apologized as Dimentio ran his fingers thoughtfully over the black boots. "We found them at a thrift store but, uh... I really didn't want you to freeze..."

Dimentio smiled, and choked a little. "I love them." he said quietly.

He tried them on, and they were a size too big, but only half a size with the colorful wool socks Luigi had tucked into the box. They were big and bulky especially since Dimentio didn't bother lacing them, but they somehow suited him when he kicked his legs back and forth on the couch, and L couldn't help smiling.

He pressed his face into L's shoulder and wrapped his arms tightly around the larger man. "I love them," he repeated.

L tried not to respond "I love you too."

Dimentio hung out around the shop the rest of the day, leaving only when L locked up for the night. L insisted he might as well come over for dinner, but Dimentio fidgeted anxiously and insisted he couldn't owe L any more favors.

L wrapped both arms around Dimentio and kissed him slow and deep. "You don't owe me. Just stay safe, okay?"

Dimentio winked, adjusting his scarf around his face to hide the bright blush coloring his cheeks. "No promises."

L bit his lip, but he steeled his nerves and tightening his grip before dimentio's fingers could slip from his. He had to know. "You got somewhere warm to sleep right?"

Dimentio gave L a peck on the cheek and squeezed his hand. "I'll find somewhere."

And then he left.

L couldn't sleep that night.

The thought of Dimentio huddled in the freezing streets was keeping him up. He had already been sick with worry, but previously he could chalk it up to paranoia. Now it had been confirmed, Dimentio was homeless. It wasn't fair. Nothing was in this awful city, but that especially tore L up.

Four times, L almost asked Luigi if he could invite Dimentio to stay. But every time he tried to come up with a reason, he felt like he was asking to keep a dog, which was both insulting to Dimentio's independence and throwing another burden on Luigi. L hated both of those things, so four times, he shut his mouth.

The fifth time had been an impromptu trip to the grocery store, stocking up on essentials. L had commented idly on people looking like they were preparing for the apocalypse.

"Its probably the storm," Luigi had carelessly reminded him.

"...what storm?" L asked, face melting to horror.

Luigi sighed a little as he compared their cart to their list. "I told you, there's supposed to be a blizzard rolling in tomorrow. They say the streets are going to freeze. Oh--remind me to leave the water running tonight, we're fucked if the pipes freeze too."

L couldn't help his knee jerk response. "Dimentio's homeless."

Luigi's eyes flew up to meet L's, wide and shocked. He knew what that meant. "What?" he asked anyway.

"Dimentio's homeless," L repeated, his voice shaking. "He's out on the streets, I don't think he has anywhere to go."

Luigi took that in for about three seconds, then took a deep, steadying breath. "Let's hurry up here and get this home, then we'll see if we can find him."

-----

Luigi almost wrecked the car when L spotted Dimentio from the passengers seat and just jumped out onto the sidewalk. L ignored the frustrated scolding behind him and bolted towards the performer.

Dimentio had taken shelter from the falling snow on a high slope beneath a bridge, but when L climbed up he discovered that Dimentio was already shivering. He was bundled in several layers, but his nose and ears were already a pale shade of blue.

"Get up, you're coming with us," L said sternly, not waiting for a reply as he grabbed Dimentio's bag and slung it over his own shoulder.

"N-no, L, it's... d-d-don't--" Dimentio tried to stutter out a protest, but he was shivering too hard in the howling wind.

His effort was interrupted by L scooping him up off the ground--all the clothes put together probably weighed more than Dimentio himself. "I don't want to hear it. We're going home."

Dimentio didn't argue with that.

Luigi had managed to stop the car nearby when L struggled back down the hill with Dimentio in his arms. L didn't think much about taking the backseat on the ride home and holding Dimentio in his lap, but the preformer didn't seem very intent on moving, so no one questioned it.

Granted the rickety apartment wasn't much, especially for three people, but anything was better in a blizzard. Luigi took Dimentio immediately into the bathroom and showed him how the shower worked, told him to get clean and more importantly, warm. He left Dimentio a soft towel and some of his own cozy pajamas, and Dimentio still seemed at a loss for words.

While he was in the shower, Luigi made a warm soup for dinner and L busied himself cleaning space in his own room for Dimentio's things and piling spare blankets onto his bed.

Dimentio arrived in Luigi's pajamas and the coat he'd been wearing, and L traded it for a softer hoodie. He was still a little uncertain, but he seemed happier and at least the color of a healthy human again.

The three piled on the couch together and ate soup out of mismatched bowls, watching TV as they chatted late into the night.

Before they headed to bed, Luigi got Dimentio to gather up what little clothes he owned so he could wash them in the morning. Luigi also produced a spare toothbrush for Dimentio they "happened" to have, and certainly hadn't bought that day hoping and praying they would find Dimentio tonight.

Dimentio was grinning ear to ear by the time everyone was getting ready to settle into bed. L insisted Dimentio keep his bed tonight, and went to the couch himself, but the preformer clung to him and bashfully asked if L would be willing to stay.

They snuggled into bed together, squished in the small space, but warm and happy to hold onto each other. They whispered in the dark for several hours before falling asleep, sneaking in soft kisses here and there.

The storm did end up snowing them in for several days, and Dimentio was happier to be in the house with each passing hour. Dimentio taught them both several card tricks, and Luigi taught Dimentio new, flashy ways to shuffle the deck. They traded stories about the ongoing struggle against the upper class, laughed over preparing meals, and snuggled together in the quiet.

On the fifth day, news reports began to state that the worst of the storm had passed, and streets should begin to get clear. The weather in the early morning channels also seemed to indicate that the danger of freezing outside would be gone.

L found Dimentio staring out of a window soon following the newscast, watching the snow fall on the empty streets outside. L sat behind him and slid his arms around Dimentio's thin waist, and the smaller man leaned back against his chest. "So I have bad news," L began with a sigh.

"Mm." was all Dimentio said.

"The truth is, we've kidnapped you," he announced grimly.

Dimentio snorted, and L could just make out his smile in the window reflection. "Is that so?"

"Unfortunately, yes, you've actually been a hostage this entire time," L went on in a deadpan, sarcastic tone. He propped his chin on Dimentio's head, and a sigh ruffled his curly hair. "I'm afraid you're going to have to stay forever."

Dimentio's grin crept a little wider. His hands wandered up and rested over L's. "Unfortunate indeed... and if I were to refuse?"

"Well, Luigi gets attached easily, so you might make him cry," L informed him.

"Hmm. Tragic." Dimentio hummed. "You're not one for tears, are you?"

L shrugged carelessly. "Nah. I'd just drag you back here. What do you weigh, like eight pounds?"

"Probably six," Dimentio agreed. He squeezed the toned muscle of L's forearms latched around his waist and teased "Hardly a struggle, even for a weak shrimp like you."

L laughed into Dimentio's hair, and squeezed the performer tighter against him. He pressed a kiss to the top of Dimentio's head and murmured "I want you to stay. We both do."

Dimentio bit his lower lip - a failed attempt to control the excited grin on his face. His hands squeezed awkwardly around L's wrists, and he sucked in a short, thrilled gasp. "I'd love to," he managed.

[echoequinox]

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you wish to know better (i’m not gonna do that lmao). tagged by @hardisonparker​

name/nickname: echo! no nicknames, thank god

gender: woman comma trans question mark

star sign: i was born under the sign of the shadow on the first of sun’s height (or cancer, for the boring astrology)

height: 5′ 10″ (blech, tall girl squad)

time: 8:42am - only awake this early for a therapist who isn’t responding

birthday: july 1

favorite bands: at the moment uhhhh i dont... really listen to a lot of band bands. i’ll just say linkin park still

favorite solo artist: matt maeson and porter robinson for fuckin SURE

song stuck in my head: hero too from my hero academia by... chrissy costanza, i think?

last movie: i think my roommate made me watch To All the Boys I Loved Before: The Third One

last show: cw flash!! i’m really into it rn it’s fuckin great, cisco is a gem tbh

when did you create this blog: like..... 2013 i think, it was when i came out

what do I post: rarely anything, i dunno, clowns?

last thing googled: survey says.... elder scrolls star signs for the above joke JFDKSALC

do I get asks: no :) <3

why I chose my url: when i changed my name to echo i wanted to overhaul my brand so i moved from realityengineer/realityassassin to echoequinox. equinox doesn’t actually have any special meaning, it’s just another E word i liked, like echo

following: 286 but i really should go prune that and then follow new blogs with my more recent hyperfixations (like flash and my hero)

followers: i actually have like 400 followers but i keep forgetting followers on tumblr don’t mean shit like they do on twitter - zero fuckin engagement when it’s not people you know personally

average hours of sleep: anywhere from 6-14 hours a day, broken up every two hours by my insane sleep apnea that stops my breathing completely. i snore really bad lmfao 

lucky number: lucky? none. i like 7s though, like 7, 17, 27, etc. maybe it’s because they’re usually prime

instruments: so i played trombone in high school (ilu @exrayspex <3) but i dont play anything as of late. i really wanna get into music and make fun music in a daw like fruityloops, which i wholeheartedly believe to be an instrument

what am I wearing: this pink shirt that’s too small for me, like all my shirts. that’s it. the bare minimum of a therapy zoom call

dream job: either novelist or video game designer/writer. i really like writing. i wrote a really smutty monster fucker erotica that i’d love to publish but no one to read and edit it lmao whomp whomp (like it put it up on twitter and it didn’t even get any likes, it was rough)

dream trip: somewhere overseas. i really like italy and i’ve wanted to go to greece since i saw it in mamma mia lmfao 

last book I read: OOOOOH the new star wars novel from the high republic uhhh light of the jedi i think. “read” is a strong word - i finished about half of it and got distracted by everything else in my shitty life

favorite food: taco bell, PERIOD. more specifically like... the crunchwrap i guess - lots of meat and cheese, in a convenient to eat package (pro-tip: customize it in ANY way or you’ll get one of the ones sitting on the rack for like an hour). or the quesadilla but you literally have to get extra everything for it to be worth it, but the sauce is to die for. get the app, y’all, you can customize whatever you want super easy, pay for it there, and at the drive thru be like “i have a mobile order for echo” and that’s IT. minimal contact, it’s a godsend

nationality: white (american)

favorite song: uhhh? right now it’s either Hero Too from my hero or Get Your Wish by Porter Robinson 🥺 it feels so painfully trans (also whenever i see porter robinson i think of the “your brother is gnc af” “YOURE INSANE” post because got damn porter is gnc af lmfao)

top three fictional universes: i gueeess i gotta say....... tamriel (elder scrolls), thedas (dragon age), and the my hero universe? yeah that tracks

[diarybutablog]

Yesterday I had an amazing day!

I’m sorry I didn’t post anything since May but I really felt like I didn't had time to post anything and many things happened and I'll try to write the most important things in the other posts and now I'll try to say what happened yesterday.

The day before yesterday my father told me and my brother to got to sleep before midnight so we could wake up early. He wanted to go with us on a trip to Brighton because i wanted a comic from a Graphic Novel Shop that was there near the train station and also go somewhere to eat. Yesterday I woke up at 11 AM and he wanted to go with us on 10 AM… ALRIGHT. He opened our door to our room (i live with my younger brother in the same room in UK) and just said "So we're not going to Brighton?". To which i responded "Hello :>"… I guess he didn't like that because he just closed the doors. I waited in my room scrolling through Reddit on my laptop and seeing the same jokes reused with different images. I saw a meme where someone said the if you add Mr Bean to anything it will automatically become funny. It was so stupid that I felt weird because I wanted to chuckle for a moment when I saw this stupid picture.

Suddenly 12 AM came on a clock and I decided to dress up. After I did that I went and washed my hair. I think I was washing it for really long because I came out of the bathroom an hour later. I decided to go to the main room.

It’s not living room because it’s too small.

My dad was as always on his phone on Facebook when I came out of bathroom and I told him that I am hungry so I made myself two toasts, one with butter and pate, and the second with pepper cream. I ate them and drank some soda. My stomach hurt because I don’t usually drink sodas. Anyways, my dad told me that we could go together without my younger brother because he's asleep, so we did. My dad bought 4 tickets for us. Each one of us had one for return and one for going onward. My dad was telling me to keep the tickets somewhere like my right back pocket so i won't lose it heh. When we were riding we discussed Poland and UK as well. After the gossip about horror and thriller movies we arrived. First we went on an expedition to find the Graphic Novel Shop to buy me a comic book but so we were walking and walking and… we found it.

(Kinda i did it because my dad was totally lost)

I was broke but my dad had some to buy me a gift up to 20 pounds. I was searching around and found some cool comic books like the ones about Scott Pilgrim and based on D&D. Also i saw the 13th volume of a series called Giant Days which chapters are called troubles.

(I don't know why they call them troubles heh)

After searching for a while i noticed the comic section called LGBT and i wanted to check if something interesting was there AND THERE WAS! I really liked She-Ra and the Princesses Of Power and I noticed a book written by it’s creator Noelle Stevenson which is called The Fire Never Goes Out: A Memoir in Pictures.

It’s basically her diary but she adds her doodles and thoughts to it. I highly recommend it to anyone and I think I might do a Twitter thread describing my day but that’s not important now and probably won’t happen. I also saw a little comic book that was about tweets from our lovely Donald J. Trump but ilustrated as satirical pictures.

Basically boomer humor.

I showed it to my dad and he told me kindly that he wasn't interested in buying that for himself or for anyone. After that me and my dad came out of the store and we went to get something to eat for dinner but… my dad wanted to buy a bag and something to put a gift in. We were walking around the stores and he was stopping like every 5 SECONDS to check the next store and see if they sell something to put a gift in. We entered the Pride Shop or something like that and I wanted to buy the mug that was on the exhibition which presented Batman and Superman kissing. Also I was looking at the pride flags and pride pins but I didn’t give any signs about them to my dad because I don’t want him yet to know that I’m trans, or I think I am. When my dad was coming to these shops, I was coming with him to some of them, but if I wasn’t I was just standing outside waiting for for. In one of them there was a Moomins Handbag which I really wanted but my dad told me that he only would buy it if it costed up to 3 pounds but it was worth 8 so I didn’t get it… When I left the Moomins Handbag store I heard and saw two goth kids coming right beside me and I only heard them say that the girl in this conversation had a Moomin faze and collected everything related to Moomins… 

Does that mean that I’ll become a goth kid as well?

We were looking for a place to eat for a couple of minutes and I noticed a place where last year I saw a dude that was playing drums very nicely and it was cool to listen to him. We didn’t stay there for long because we still went to the restaurant to eat something but before we went there a random lady gave FREE COOKIE ICE CREAM to us! While I was walking I held my book without it’s cover because it’s pink and I don’t really wanna go out with pink stuff because I feel like I am showing too much of my secret side with this color. Me and my dad ate these ice creams before we went inside the restaurant but my dad got angry because instead of physical menu to pick up we had to scan the QR code but he was too much NOT FRIENDS WITH TECHNOLOGY that he just came out of the restaurant and I went after him. We were walking and found a pizzeria that we went to last year and ordered two pizzas. Before we got our pizzas we got plates filled with olives, potatoes with onions and cream, eggplant parts and some weird green vegetable.

(Probably a zucchini slices)

Also I got apple juice with 4 ice cubes in it and my dad got one beer like a dad. We were eating our pizzas peacefully and suddenly something amazing happened. A obese young adult lady with red dyed hair FUCKIN’ stole my pizza and tried to run away… and she did, but one of the stuff workers chased her and saw her coming into another pizzeria and… did the same thing, but the whole thing wasn’t only STEALING MY PIECES but also taking someones pizza slice and throwing it at them, scratching one of the stuff ladies arm and when leaving this pizzeria blocking the exit doors and not letting the stuff member that was chasing her leave the restaurant. Instead of being sad because someone took my pizza I started to laugh under my nose quietly so others wouldn’t notice. My dad only saw my smirk and asked me if I feel alright and I said „I think it’s the most entertainment I had in UK so far”. I think I kinda understand why this woman took MY piece of pizza. It was probably because me and my dad sat on the seats next to the exit so it was easier for the crazy lady to take something that was near exit than at the back of the restaurant. One of the stuff members came and told us „I’m sorry but these FUCKING… I mean stupid people will not bother you anymore”. After that she left with the rest of my pizza and gave me a new one FOR FREE! I ate the one piece and we asked the stuff to help us pack the pizza to take it outside so they gave us a pizza box to take with us. My dad before coming out of the store with me asked the Scratched Girl if everything is fine and she said that it’s just a scratch and also asked where were we from, so my dad said „We’re from Poland” and she said „Well… I’m from Russia”. I have no idea what was the rest of their conversation but my dad made a joke that the EASTERN EUROPE was being attacked. If I was good from history I would make a historical joke or a meme now, but I’m not… so not joke for today. Before we left police came to check if everything was ok, but they weren’t stopping us from leaving so we… left. On the way back we were looking at the city of Brighton and right at the train station my dad checked if he had his train ticket and… IT WAS GONE! My dad started to panic but had an idea how to fix this problem. He took his ticket receipt and tried to show it to the woman that was standing next to the ticket receiver. Surprisingly it worked and we waited for our train. When our train came my dad wasn’t sure if it was the right one so he asked me to ask the conductor if we’re in the right one and he said that we were in a right one.

TONGUE TWISTER

When we were heading back to Hastings I decided to start reading Noelle’s book. It was very touching and nice to read. When we arrived to Hastings I was on the 132nd page and I had to close it for a moment and when we came back home I needed to use a toilet and also I used this situation so I could continue reading this amazing book. I finished the entire 194 paged book in a day but everyone probably would do that. After finishing reading it I wanted to tell my friends about my day because I think it was great. After telling some of my friends how was my day I decided to eat my supper and watch with my dad the second episode of Beastars. My dad did like this episode and the whole show. We watched it because we made a small tradition while I am in UK. One day I read one chapter of one of my Warrior Cats books, and the other day we watch a singe episode of Beastars. After all of that I decided to sit and write my day down as a Tumblr Blog post.

Thank you for reading my summery of my day. 08.08 was an amazing day I probably won’t forget because of this post and maybe because I told my friends about this. As I said I'll try to post tomorrow how my other days have been because there’s so much stuff I wanna get off my chest.

[thegeminisage]

sorry but i have been thinking about this for ages and it’s time 2 get it off my chest

kind of wild to be a gamer & a lady & engaging in fandom in 2020 because in my social circles/life in general there is a HUUUGE disconnect (long post goes behind a cut)

growing up, Games Were Only For Boys. my first interactions with games in a sense where i was actually engaging with the story of them did not involve me at the controller, it involved me watching my brother play

in my late teens and early adulthood up til now, Fandom And Especially Fan Fiction Is For Women - obviously there are exceptions to this, but in this post i am speaking in a very broad, general, stereotyped sense

which is wild because when i began writing fanfiction (for video games, in 2003) there were a LOT of guys who also wrote fanfiction that usually just involved action/adventure plots and little to no romance and i think that stopped because the stigma of fanfiction is that it’s romance/erotica aimed towards the ladies

the Fandom That’s For Women is very very VERY focused on shipping, romance, and sex

games, especially story-heavy games, can often also be full of sex shoved in your face - but that’s sex aimed at men, not women - women in skimpy outfits, jiggly boob physics, etc

true irony is that nowadays in fandom if you DON’T write the slash or you ship m/f characters you’re more likely to get hate for being homophobic or whatever but in 2006 when i was writing fma and ff6 slash i got shit on ALL THE TIME for publishing “that gay shit” and while i’m well aware slash as it exists today existed also way before 2003-2006 i wasn’t in those spaces i was in video game spaces and They Were For Men

so if you’re not in the engaging in fandom in the Stereotypical Dude Way (no gays, only boobs & violence against women, fanfic is stupid) or the Stereotypical Lady Way (ship everyone with everyone, romance is the focus, obligatory sex scenes) you can like sometimes find this section of fandom (SOMETIMES) that’s like...all gen only gen 110% of the time ONLY wholesome content ONLY fluff canon romances get a pass but nothing else and it’s like you’d write your mom and dad, not like, Romantic, it’s innocent in an almost childlike way, because there is also the stereotype that games are Only For Children

which is fine but it’s like...a lil boring...sometimes...not that i don’t have my “gen and fluff ONLY” days/fandoms because we do get tired of pointless sex & romance - i also definitely have my “oh they are ALL fuckin” days/fandoms...experiences are fluid...

anyway much more women play games and engage in fandoms for games now & thats dope as hell but for me personally there’s still this weird disconnect of like...i want to enjoy fandom (maybe especially game fandom bc fandoms for games are almost always very small) in a way that’s adult and explores the depth of the stories available to us but i don’t want to do it in a “obligatory bikini-clad woman and blood & guts scene” way or a “obligatory sex scene & everybody’s shipped with everybody” way either so like......idk. i’m not wording this very well i don’t think

i guess i miss how game fandom was in the early/mid 00s...despite the sexism and homophobia and etc...obviously all that is bad

but i think it’s harder these days to find good solid adventure/action fics these days ESPECIALLY for video games 

bc 1. most men don’t typically write fanfiction anymore and they are less likely to write romance 2. there’s this unspoken pressure that if you ARE writing fanfiction they Gotta smooch (or do more than smooch) & if you don’t stick it in there your fic falls anywhere on a scale of “boring” to “problematic” - there’s a huge focus on romance especially between same-sex characters - and i think PART of it is because we staaaarving for seeing those sorts of relationships written BY women and queer people in proper mainstream media which is valid but also partly that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy - everybody thinks fanfic is for romance so it continues to be about romance

i just want like a middle ground...is that too much to ask...especially in game fandoms...

ok for an example...ff13 is the WORST offender re: fandom stuff 

what little fic there is is like focused on shipping fang/vanille which i dont like bc i see her as fang’s lil sister or hope/lightning or hope/snow which is like ?!?!?! because he’s like 14 or hope/noel because they’re literally the only 2 dudes who are in their early 20s and romantically available even though they BARELY speak to one another...like half the appeal of 13 to me was the very limited romance and YEAH i love me some fang/lightning but where’s the gen?! there isn’t any because gen’s too boring!!! men would write gen but they don’t write fanfiction!!! (or there would be needless sexualizing of/violence against women. i’m not going to sit here and say i actively want to read stuff written by men more than i want to read stuff written by women when i know that’s usually how that goes lol) and when you do find gen it’s like...VERY wholesome and thats great sometimes i have written that tooth-rotting fluff but ff13 is a dark game that deals with dark stuff sometimes... you see what i mean?? 

anyway. drives me batty

and it’s wild too that the PEOPLE in my life who engage with fandom all distinctly fit into Guy Fandom or Girl Fandom or Gen Only Fandom...i rarely ever see crossovers...my brother is the first most of my friends from tumblr are the second and a lot of people i met thru undertale are the third...Girl Fandom does not engage in game fandom much, most of game fandom is Gen Only Fandom or Guy Fandom...but i want the lessened romance/sex of Gen Only and Guy Fandom, the adultness of Guy Fandom and Girl Fandom, and the “please stop objectifying and victimizing women” of Girl Fandom and Gen Only Fandom...HOW do i get this...i don’t...i can’t...Gen Only Fandom tends to stay so far away from heavier darker stuff too and i like my heavy shit...it’s a Problem...

again there are obvious exceptions to these generalizations...these are just personal observations...nobody send me mean anons...i just had to get that out there

this isn’t very well worded if you made it to the bottom thank you for indulging me

[supercasey]

Since Tumblr is finally allowing you to pin posts, I may as well make an about/FAQ, seeing as I think my last one (if I even had one) is super old.

Name: Theodore JJ REDACTED

Age: 21

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Questioning (leaning towards Asexual/Aromantic)

Height: 5"1 (154.94 cm)

Birthday: August 28th

Things I Like: Writing, FPS games, video games, Pokemon, Digimon, my family, my friends, my gramps, tigers, cats and dogs, going on walks, swing sets, father-son relationships (platonic), car rides, road trips, drawing, watching True Crime stuff, being outside when it’s warm/hot out, ghost stories, etc.

Things I Hate: Snot, incest shipping of any kind, child abuse and/or r*pe being in fics without any fuckin’ warning, being guilt tripped into doing stuff, my dysphoria, writer's block, when I've run out of my will to socialize, yelling, overstimulation, bullying, etc.

Current Hyperfixations: ((These are the things I’m really into atm, but they change periodically; I’ll try to add/delete things as I go)) Team Fortress 2, Nomad of Nowhere, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, DC Comics, Deathstroke the Terminator lore/comics, etc.

Past Hyperfixations: ((These are the things I’m not as into atm, but they change periodically; I’ll try to add/delete things as I go)) Red vs. Blue, Teen Titans (OG Cartoon), Young Justice (Cartoon), Justice League (Cartoon), Stardew Valley, Villainous/Villanos, Sanders Sides, Overwatch, Halo, Destiny the game, True Crime, Fallout 4, FNAF, Hollow Knight, Minecraft, etc.

BYF/DNI

This blog does not want any interaction with the following; those who ship incest (this includes adoptive relationships), those who ship underage relationships, those who follow transmed/truscum ideology, those who follow TERF (Trans Exclusive Radical Feminist) ideology, those who are homophobic, transphobic, aphobic, or racist, Sla/din shippers (Slade Wilson/any of the Robins), Sp/ysco/ut shippers (Spy and Scout shippers, even if it’s for AUs where they aren’t related), any parent-child shipping whatsoever, MAPs (Minor Attracted Person), etc. ((I may not have listed everything, but that’s all I can think of atm.))

((FAQ under readmore))

FAQ

Writing Questions

Q: When did you start writing and what was your first fic? A: I think I started in late 2013-early 2014. My first fics were all Teen Titans related, and I think my first fic was a Monster AU for TT... It was very bad and posted on FFN, as were all my earliest fics/most of my Teen Titans stuff. Don't go looking for it, it sucks.

Q: What are your favorite fics that you've written so far? A: This is always subject to change as I continue writing, but my favorite long-term projects are "Aerospace Accident" for Villainous, "Paranoid Android" for Sanders Sides, and "Ground for Divorce" for Nomad of Nowhere, all of which are on hiatus, while my "Kid! Scout AU" is also a big favorite and still being worked on atm. As far as one-shots/completed works go, "Jeremy" for TF2, "Lost at Sea" and "Fish Food" for Fallout 4, "The Fallen Hunter's Lament" for Destiny, and "You'll be Fine" for RvB. I've got a lot of fics, y'all.

Q: Are you working on any original stories? A: Yes, I am! I have a few stories I’m working on atm, but they’re all very much still in progress. The two stories that I’ve made the most plans for are called “Balthazar the Almighty” and “Coming of a New Age”, though I’m not sure which will be finished first. Probably BTA, if I’m gonna be honest. Feel free to PM me if you wanna hear me infodump about complete and utter nonsense regarding these stories!

General Questions

Q: Can I message you if I’m suicidal/looking for guidance? A: I mean, if you want to, you can, but in all honesty most of my advice boils down to “You should really see a professional/get help from the authorities”, and most folk don’t seem to like that, so it’s up to you. I’m also a bit of a mess, especially with the quarantine going on, so I would recommend looking elsewhere for help. Sorry, I’m just not a great therapist.

Q: Can minors follow your blog? A: Sure! I don’t really post anything inappropriate, save for some rather lewd jokes, but nothing too raunchy. But be warned, I’m twenty-one.

Q: What other social medias do you have? A: Not a lot, if I’m being honest. I have a Discord, but I’m only gonna share that if you PM me asking for my handle. Other than that, I’m Supercasey2 on Twitter, Supercasey on AO3, supertheodore on DeviantArt, and that’s about it.

I think that’s good for right now... thank you for reading my FAQ, and have an awesome day, y’all!

[artificialqueens]

nobody knows where we might end up, chapter ten (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 4829

AN: Thank you so much for all the recent feedback! I appreciate it so, so, much, comments make me so happy and just want to make me write more and more. Thank you writ for being a wonderful beta as always <3

(then)

“They’re cute, baby. Stop fiddling with ‘em.” Vanessa looks at Brooke’s reflection in the mirror, her girlfriend sitting on her bed and raising her hand for the tenth time in as many minutes to touch her new bangs.

“Are you sure? I think I may have gotten a little overzealous in the post-exams haze and made a mistake.” Brooke flips her locks over her shoulder, shaking out her hair. Her bangs frame her face perfectly, and Vanessa has to admit that they’re absolutely adorable on her.

“See, already mooning over yourself.” Vanessa snorts when Brooke pouts at her through the mirror. “For real. They look amazing on you.”

Vanessa spots Brooke’s eyes trailing over her in the mirror’s reflection, along with the way they seem to gleam. “You look amazing, did you know that?” Brooke stretches out her hands, making grabby motions towards her.

Vanessa rolls her eyes but walks over, lets Brooke put her hands all over her leather skirt and rake them on the sides of her tank top, ignoring how good it feels. “I know exactly what you’re doing.”

Brooke gives her an innocent look, complete with wide eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Your hand literally just grazed against my boob.”

“Did not.”

“Whose hand was that, then?” Vanessa grins, one that gets even wider when Brooke’s hand gets higher up along her sides again.

“The ghost that lives in this dorm? It is an old building, after all.” Brooke gives her an angelic smile, as if she’s not tracing the lace on Vanessa’s bra.

“Nope. I don’t want no haunted titties, no thank you.” Vanessa’s declaration makes Brooke laugh and pull her closer.  

Vanessa presses a kiss to Brooke’s lips, lifting her head up to look in the mirror to make sure that her lipstick hasn’t smudged. When she’s satisfied that it hasn’t, she climbs off, ignoring Brooke’s protests. “Come on, baby. We gotta go meet everyone right now. You can undress me later tonight.”

They walk over to The Maddy, the popular student bar close enough to their dorm building that their feet don’t hurt in their heels from the journey. Vanessa cranes her neck once they’re inside, trying to get a good look over the crowds of people and she can’t help but let out a small huff.

“Everyone’s too damn tall. B, do you see ‘em?”

Brooke giggles, making Vanessa shove her side. “You’re short, baby. That’s why you can’t see anyone.”

“Am not.”

“Yeah, you are. And it’s adorable.” Brooke leans down to press a kiss to the top of her head and Vanessa can’t help but melt despite the crack about her height.

Brooke points at a table across the bar, waving when she catches the eyes of their friends. “Found them! Come on.”

Vanessa trails behind Brooke, hand intertwined with hers so that the two of them don’t get separated in the throngs of people.

Silky and A’keria immediately cheer upon seeing the two of them. “You bitches are late! Y’all need to stop fuckin’ so much before we’re all supposed to meet up.”

“Shut up, Silky.” Vanessa can’t help but holler back at her roommate, snickering when the groups sitting nearby turn towards them to look at the source of the noise. “Ain’t no time we specified! Just said after nine.”

Brooke tugs Vanessa down into a seat beside her, across from Detox and her friends from her media studies classes.

“Vanjie!” Detox gets up to hug Vanessa, nearly lifting her off the ground when she does.

“Hello? Your roommate? I’m here too?” Brooke shoots Detox a look, which makes her cackle and high five Vanessa.

“You too, babe. You know I save the best for last.” Detox goes to hug Brooke, but mouths ‘that’s a lie’ over Brooke’s shoulder to Vanessa, who has to clap a hand over her mouth to keep herself from laughing.

Detox pulls back. “It’s the bangs. Didn’t recognize you with them. Last time I saw you this morning, you had a forehead.”

Brooke’s hands immediately fly up to fiddle with them. “Are they too much? They’re totally not working, are they? I shouldn’t have told the hair dresser yes, oh god, now I’m stuck with them, and-”

Vanessa elbows Brooke’s side. “Relax, B. You look beautiful with them, baby.” She can’t help but lean over to kiss her, and is glad to see Brooke’s face soften as she pulls back and squeezes her hand.

Detox’s friend that’s sitting across the table points at the two of them. “Gay?”

Brooke wrinkles her nose, and Vanessa feels the way that her grip tightens on her hand. “Yes?”

The girl grins. “Excellent.”

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “Why you asking?”

“Cause me too, Detox and Roxxxy here are great but too straight for my gay self. Alaska.” The girl sticks out a hand to shake and Vanessa can feel Brooke relax immediately, as if she had been worried that they’d get a different response.

Conversation flows after that, as they get to know Detox’s friends a little better. The drinks do too, Silky and A’keria slamming down shot glasses on their table and ordering them to drink up.

“We’re done exams, no more excuses. Especially you, B.”

Brooke shrugs at A’keria’s statement. “Can’t deny that.” She tosses the shot back, making Vanessa’s eyes shoot up to her hairline. Since when does her girlfriend down shots without so much as a wince?

“I’ve never seen you drink anything other than cider, bitch! Where has this Brooke been all year?”

Brooke giggles. “Worried about class. You haven’t seen drunk me yet either. Maybe she’ll come out tonight.”

Brooke had drank in moderation during both semesters, feigning the excuse of having to wake up early in the mornings afterwards to study. Vanessa never pushed her, but it did mean that she always ended up the more drunk and messy one between the two of them.

Vanessa grins. “Now won’t that be a sight.”

A sight it is.

“Baby. Baby. You gotta work with me here.”

Vanessa grunts as she wraps an arm around Brooke’s waist, trying to support her weight and keep her from falling. Brooke, for her part, isn’t much help, her tall legs making her drunk self look like a baby giraffe learning how to walk.

“That was so fun. So, so fun. I love fun.” Brooke giggles as the words leave her mouth, her head lolling to the side and onto Vanessa’s shoulder.

Vanessa snorts. “Do you now? Wait, don’t step in that pothole-” She tugs Brooke around it, bringing them over to less cracked parts of the sidewalk.

“Whoa.” Brooke stops slightly, swaying in place and making Vanessa pause with her. “We live far.”

“We’ve only walked a block, baby.”

Brooke gives her an indignant look, her mouth dropping open. “That’s like, a million miles away. Too far.”

Vanessa tugs on Brooke’s waist. “You can do it. I believe in you.”

Brooke’s face immediately softens in a way that would make Vanessa aww, if she didn’t know that Brooke is absolutely wasted. “You do. And I believe in you. ” Brooke points a sloppy finger at her. “You can do it.”

“Do what?” Vanessa has to hold back a laugh at how determined Brooke looks.

Brooke pauses. “I don’t know.”

The rest of the walk goes about the same, Brooke’s aimless drunk babbling providing Vanessa with enough material to tease her about for the next year, at least. She’s never seen Brooke so uninhibited, so unwound, and it’s a sight that she’s going to savour.

Vanessa herds Brooke into her dorm room, pulling out a pair of pyjamas from her dresser. Brooke, however, pouts at her. “Don’t wanna change.”

“You’ll be comfier in these.” Vanessa feels like she’s negotiating with a toddler, like her baby cousins that come over every Christmas and Easter and want to find the ice cream and chocolate stashed around the house before eating dinner.

Brooke crosses her arms. “No.”

Vanessa sighs. She’s gonna need a different tactic. “How ‘bout I help you?” Probably a faster process than Brooke trying to change on her own in this state.

Brooke tries to wink at her but fails, blinking both of her eyes at the same time and Vanessa has to hold back a laugh. “Trying to undress me, huh?”

Vanessa snorts. “What can I say? You’re irresistible.”

It’s enough, though, for Brooke to let Vanessa pull off her jacket, her dress, and pull on her pyjama shorts and t-shirt. She looks all adorable and sleepy, yawning and her hair all mussed as she blinks and Vanessa wants to snuggle her right then and there.

Brooke tugs on Vanessa’s leather jacket. “You too.”

“I don’t have pyjamas in your room.”

Brooke shoots Vanessa a look as if she’s the drunk one. “Wear mine, silly.” As if the suggestion is the most obvious thing in the world.

Vanessa rolls her eyes, but smiles. “Of course. My mistake.”

Brooke stumbles towards her dresser, pulling out an oversized pyjama t shirt and holding it up triumphantly. “Found your favourite shirt.”

Any qualms that Vanessa has about going back to her own dorm room are squashed, because a cuddly Brooke in pyjamas is a sight that is too hard to resist. Detox’s side of the room is empty, the girl probably not coming home until the morning and it’s all Vanessa needs to grab the pyjama shirt from Brooke.

Vanessa tugs Brooke to the bathroom next, wiping off her makeup as best as she can (‘the makeup wipe is cold, Ness!’) and getting her to brush her teeth. Brooke reaches out for her as soon as she snuggles into her tiny twin bed, scooting up against the wall to make space. She pats the area beside her and Vanessa can’t help but melt at the sight.

Brooke lets out a sigh of happiness when Vanessa climbs in beside her, burying her face against Vanessa’s chest. Vanessa is rarely the big spoon, but something about holding Brooke right now feels so right, so comfortable. As if having her arms around her girlfriend is somehow going to protect her from everything horrible that life is going to throw at her, as if being together means that they’ll be able to keep each other safe and get through everything as a unit.

It doesn’t take long for Brooke’s eyes to start to flutter shut, for her breathing to slowly become deeper. Vanessa traces her fingers up and down Brooke’s back, a soothing motion that’s about to lull her to sleep, too.

“Love you, Nessa.” The words come out in Brooke’s sleepy whisper against her shirt, so soft that Vanessa’s not sure if she’s imagined them.

Vanessa’s fingers involuntarily stop their motions as she looks down at her girlfriend, the one who’s nuzzling her face against her and already falling into dreams that are hopefully soft and happy and full of possibilities.

Neither of them had said it before now. It’s not that Vanessa hasn’t wanted to - she falls for people hard and fast, her heart quick taken over by feelings quicker than it should be. But Brooke is different - she hasn’t wanted to throw the words at Brooke before she’s ready to hear them. They’ve been together for seven months, seven wonderful amazing months that have made Vanessa’s first year of university more than she could have ever expected. A streak that’s been longer than all of her past relationships, and made her even more scared of disrupting their flow, of the good balance that they have.

So she’s waited. Held back the words, shown her love in other ways, like bringing an iced coffee for Brooke before their shared lectures, braiding her hair out of her face when the layers become too much.

Vanessa feels it, too, in the way that Brooke pulls her close when she can tell that Vanessa’s feeling overwhelmed. How Brooke lets her vent and rant and rave even when she knows she’s being overdramatic, but letting her get her feelings out and validating them without making her feel nuts. The way that Brooke always brings an extra sweatshirt to their shared lectures because she knows that the lecture hall is cold and that Vanessa will always forget to bring one of her own. The softness and warmth of the sweatshirt and the way it envelops Vanessa, reminding her of Brooke’s hugs.

They hadn’t said it until now, but they’d shown it to each other.

But tipsy, sleepy Brooke, snuggled against her chest, has let the words out in a sleepy sigh. Vanessa hates how much it makes her heart soar, how much the words are lifting her up, up, up, and making her feel so protected, so happy.

They’re just words, but from Brooke? They’re everything.

“Love you too, baby.”

Vanessa doesn’t know if Brooke has heard the words during her descent into dreamland, oblivious to her physical surroundings because she’s already snoring softly. She doesn’t care.

She’ll say them again tomorrow. She will.

“Sorry B, but you look like absolute shit.” Vanessa has to hold back a laugh at Brooke’s grumpy huff as she slides into the seat across from her in the dining hall.

Brooke’s bangs are sticking straight into the air on her left side, the rest of her hair a frizzy mess. Her brow is furrowed as she tries to decipher what’s laid out on her tray, eyes squinting and fingers rubbing her temples to lessen her headache.

“So kind.” Brooke grumbles the words out, flinching when her spoon hits against her bowl of cereal with a clink. “Why is everything so loud?”

“It isn’t. You just drank way too much last night.” Vanessa takes a bite of her breakfast burrito, thoroughly entertained by the sight in front of her.

“Ugh.”

“You remember much?” Vanessa treads lightly with her question. She’s not sure if Brooke does, or if she even wants to. Though she needs to find out.

“I remember arm wrestling that frat boy and beating him. And having a drinking contest with A’keria. And singing Mulan songs with Alaska.” Brooke wrinkles her nose. “Did all of that happen?”

Vanessa snorts. “You bet it did. Your drunk ass is a true entertainer.”

“And then you brought me back home, and helped me get ready for bed, and-” Brooke pauses, looking up at Vanessa with wide eyes. “I didn’t dream that I said-”

“You said ‘em.” Vanessa bites her lip as she looks at Brooke. Does she want to take them back?

“You didn’t say them back? That’s okay.” Brooke looks down, suddenly very interested in her cereal and Vanessa puts her burrito down because what?

“What? No, you goof, I said them back to you right then. God. You were just off in your sleepy dreamland before you could notice. I’ll say them again right here, too.” Vanessa picks her burrito back up, points it at Brooke whose tentative smile is starting to spread across her face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, B.”

Brooke’s eyes are crinkling in the way that they do when Vanessa knows that she’s really happy and can’t hide it. “Well, good. Because I love you, too. So much.”

“Good.” Vanessa’s response comes out softer than she intends it to, but she feels like she’s been wrapped in a warm blanket, tucked in with hot chocolate and a soft hug. Protected, warm, safe.

Her heart feels like it can never, ever possibly be hurt again. Not when Brooke is looking at her like she’s the most important thing in the world.

Because Brooke’s the most important to her now, too.

(now)

Vanessa knows the back of that blonde head.

Her heart feels like it’s dropping, down, down, down in her chest as she watches Brooke leave Ralph’s with her arm around another girl, holding the door open and letting her pass first. Part of Vanessa wants to run, yell after them, yell at Brooke because has she really moved on so fast already?

But the other half of her expected it, because of course Brooke has. She hadn’t wanted anything else from Vanessa anyway, just sex.

It’s understandable.

Brooke’s gonna get it however she wants it. It’s what she does. And she’s allowed to do that, she is. Vanessa can’t stop it.

Though it doesn’t stop Vanessa’s hand from gripping her glass of cider hard enough that she’s not sure if it’s going to shatter into pieces underneath her fingers. The beating of Vanessa’s heart feels like it’s been amplified, echoing louder than the sounds of the bar and the conversations around her because all that matters is that Brooke has moved on. She’s gone. And it’s fine, it is. Except that it’s not.

She needs another drink.

“I shoulda opened the door. I’m a dumbass. A whole dumbass.” Sure, the words are coming out a bit slurred but words are hard sometimes and Vanessa has to tell someone. Kameron and Asia, with arms around her on either side to keep her steady in the backseat of their Uber, seem to be viable candidates to listen.

“Vanj, imma be honest. I have no idea what the sweet hell you’re on about at the moment.” Asia’s quip makes Kameron laugh, though Vanessa is undeterred.

“Doors should not be closed.” Vanessa points between them, because they need to know.

She’s stupid. Real stupid. Maybe if she hadn’t run away and just kept sleeping with Brooke her feelings would have faded on their own and she wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Because that’s how feelings work. Or at least, that’s how they should. Stupid closed door.

“Feelings fucking suck.” Vanessa grumbles it under her breath, and it makes Kameron pat her leg sympathetically in response.

“You still haven’t told us what those feelings are about, bitch. You keep mumbling about doors.” Asia’s tone isn’t mean, but the words still make Vanessa huff and lean her head against Kameron instead. Of course they don’t get it.

“Women just hurt you forever then come back eleven years later and hurt you again. Forever. Don’t date women, they’re mean.” Vanessa slides lower on her seat, crossing her arms. Mean. Women are mean. Even when they don’t try to be.

“They can be mean when you don’t date them, too.” Kameron mutters the words so softly that Vanessa’s not sure if she even hears them right. She catches Kameron’s imperceptible look towards Asia, though, one that Asia misses while she’s looking down at her phone.

But Vanessa’s drunk brain doesn’t want to focus on Kameron’s love life problems. She’s still thinking of Brooke and her hands and her smile and her hair and how soft and warm she was when they used to share a bed.

Vanessa can’t help the slump of her shoulders. She’s a fucking idiot, so hung up over Brooke. Someone who doesn’t even care about her.

She doesn’t want to tell Kameron and Asia. They won’t get it, they don’t know her history with Brooke and how long this has gone on and how different things used to be and Vanessa really, really needs a hug. Or Silky. Or her mom. Someone to hold her and tell her that things will be okay.

She needs Brooke. Really, really needs Brooke.

She needs the version of Brooke who used to care about her, the one who would bring her an extra blanket on the couch while she was studying and snuggle with her underneath it. The one who would bake blueberry muffins when Vanessa was sad because she knew that they would always make her smile, even a little.

She needs that Brooke back. Sure, that Brooke hasn’t been around for more than a decade, but Vanessa misses her desperately, no matter how much she wishes that she wouldn’t.

Vanessa used to think that she was over it - over the mess of their breakup, over what had happened between them because now she’s doing well in life with a great career. But she’s not, she’s fucking not, and it fucking sucks because no amount of published research papers or successful surgeries or high ranked positions at fancy hospitals can drown out the little voice in her head that is telling her that it all means nothing, not after she’s gone and ruined what used to be the best thing in her life.

Kameron and Asia drop her home, making sure that she gets inside her apartment before they head back out. Vanessa has to grip onto her kitchen counter to stay steady and not fall over, because the Hennessy that she had tossed back at the bar after she saw Brooke leaving is beginning to catch up with her, not mixing well with the lack of food in her system.

Vanessa’s jacket falls in a crumpled heap onto the floor as she plods towards her bedroom, leaning against the wall for support because everything is just a little too blurry, a little too messy. The zipper on her jumpsuit catches on fabric as she tries to unzip it once she’s sitting on her bed. The fit feels restricting, almost claustrophobic, like it’s squeezing her chest tighter and tighter. She tries to pull on the zipper even harder and grumbles when nothing happens, making her tug on the fabric in frustration.

“Shit!”

The fabric rips underneath her fingers, the tear travelling down her back while the zipper remains unmoving. The tear is enough, however, to allow her to wriggle out of the jumpsuit.

Vanessa lays the jumpsuit on her bed once she’s free from it and bites her lip. Shit. The rip is big enough that it’s not something she can easily fix with a few stitches.

Great. Now she’s gone and ruined one of her favourite outfits, too. She’s not sure how or why, but it’s somehow Brooke’s fault. Everything in her life right now seems to be.

Fucking Brooke. Messing everything up.

Vanessa misses her so much.

She’s not sure why she reaches for her phone. It’s a stupid idea. An incredibly stupid idea. As is going to her contacts and finding Brooke’s name, along with pressing ‘call’ with a shaky finger, and holding the phone up to her ear, hearing the tone on the other end of the line as it rings and rings and rings, Brooke not picking up.

Of course she doesn’t. Why would she, why should she? She’s taken another girl home. She’s busy. But Vanessa misses her. Her drunk brain misses her, every fibre in her body misses her more than she ever wants to admit.

The answering machine crackles and Vanessa starts to panic, her fingers tapping on her leg because fuck, she needs to hang up, before-

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Brooke Lynn Hytes. I’m not here, so please leave a message.”

“I miss you, B.” The words tumble out before Vanessa can stop them, a little slurred and mumbled as she pushes her hair out of her face, and now that she’s started, she can’t stop. “I fuckin’ miss you so much, an’ I know you don’t care, I know you’re busy, but I miss you. I shoulda opened the door. Stupid fuckin’ door.”

“Fuck.” Vanessa feels a wave of nausea hit and drops the phone beside her, puts her head between her knees and she just wants to curl up into a ball. Only Brooke could be capable of reducing her to someone so pathetic, so reliant on someone else.

She’s too tired to take off her makeup, properly get ready for bed. Everything is swaying too much and her bed is comfortable enough, the sheets soft on her skin and maybe it’s okay if she just lays here despite the fact that the lights in her bedroom are still on. She can’t get up right now and turn them off, anyway.

Going to Ralph’s on a work night had been a bad idea. Getting wasted on a work night had been an even worse idea. Drunk dialling her ex, though? Vanessa’s really taken the cake with that one.

The extra strength Advil is doing nothing for her pounding headache, nor for the way that her office seems to spin on an axis. Looking at her schedule on her desk, she sends a thanks to the universe that she doesn’t have any surgeries pencilled in for today - she can’t imagine holding a scalpel in good conscience while in this hungover state. Just research allotted time until one, then-

Shit.

Another consultation meeting, this time with the hospitalist and the neurosurgery step-down floor staff. A meeting that Brooke will most definitely be at.

Vanessa’s been staring at her phone since the morning, wondering how her drunk ass could have been so stupid as to call Brooke the night before. As if it would have done anything. As if Vanessa should have expected it to.

Brooke isn’t hers. Brooke hasn’t been hers in over a decade. They’ve both changed as people, evolved under the environments that they’ve been in, and the Brooke that exists now isn’t the Brooke that Vanessa used to love. She’s a version of her, one who’s been through eleven more years of life and emerged as someone different, someone more unknown.

And here Vanessa is. Calling her, all hung up over her like an idiot. Brooke had probably looked at her phone this morning and scoffed, ready to show up to work looking perfect as usual, not a hair out of place and remaining as unfazed as she always is.

Maybe Brooke hasn’t noticed. Maybe she hadn’t even gotten the voicemail notification last night. Vanessa hopes so. She doesn’t want to think about Brooke seeing it, realizing that Vanessa is still a mess over her.

She doesn’t want to see Brooke’s gloating face at the meeting, either.

The hours tick by faster than Vanessa wants them to, the hour hand of the clock on her wall creeping closer and closer to one until she can’t avoid it anymore. She feels like she’s walking to the gallows, towards her certain death because she’s royally fucked up and now has to face the music by seeing Brooke’s reaction.

Except that she has…none. Brooke greets her with a neutral expression, a firm handshake, not a strand of hair out of place. She sits silently while Vanessa talks to the hospitalist, not interjecting or interrupting like she usually does and leading them to argue. Today she’s…expressionless. Not protesting any of Vanessa’s words, not asking any questions to challenge her, and it’s eerie. Real fucking eerie. Sure, she’s writing notes in her notepad so she is paying attention but she has no fight in her.

Vanessa almost hates it more than the version of Brooke that argues with her over things. This Brooke is too collected, too calm. While Vanessa is appreciating the opportunity to talk, she almost misses Brooke’s challenging words.

When Brooke looks at her, it’s with an expression characterized by indifference. Her eyes don’t betray any emotions over others, and it’s making it impossible for Vanessa to discern what she’s even thinking about. Vanessa wants to go up to her, shake her, get her to talk, because she needs to know what she’s feeling, what she’s thinking, if she saw the stupid voicemail, if she wants Vanessa to never speak to her again.

Because right now Vanessa doesn’t know, and the not knowing makes her feel like she’s going to lose her mind.

“Dr. Hytes.” Vanessa calls out her name as the meeting ends, and she sees the way that Brooke’s hands falter as she packs up her things. Brooke doesn’t look up at her immediately, but Vanessa can see how she bites her lip, how her movements become just a little bit less fluid.

When everyone else has left and Brooke’s gaze rises from the table, her mask is a little more askew, less successful at protecting the emotions that threaten to spill out from behind it. Vanessa can’t tell what they are, but she can see the furrow in her brow, the slight widening of her eyes that would be imperceptible to anyone else.

“Can we talk?” Vanessa hates how much her voice comes out sounding like she’s pleading, because maybe she is but she doesn’t want Brooke to know.

“I-” Brooke pauses, lets out a jerky breath as she looks down, picks up her things. “I have to go. Have a procedure soon. I’m sorry.”

Then she’s pushing past Vanessa, out the door with her things and her heels clacking down the hallway before Vanessa even realizes that she’s gone.

Shit.

Half of Vanessa wants to go after her, chase her, figure out what the fuck her reaction even means because it doesn’t look like that of someone who is fully over the situation and ready to move on.

Her reaction seems more reminiscent of someone running away.

Vanessa, for one, is fucking tired of running.

[hayesit]

matt’s 2019 year in review

here it is! and it’s late because i had other/better things to do (and procrastinating), was recovering from hangovers (also procrastinating), and recovering from being sick (procrastinating).

i’ve been doing these year in review posts since 2016, so here is my fourth installment. every year i look back through my google calendar, my camera roll, and my bullet journal as a gratitude exercise and to chart my own development as an adult. 

here is my spotify wrapped 2019!

the beginning of this year was off to a good start: i met two friends that i know through the internet! i met my friend riley when she visited boston (i met her through a mutual friend and through overwatch league twitter) and my friend jimmy that i’ve known for…. 6 or 7 years (?!) through tumblr and designed the logo for me and alex’s late podcast, hardly tea, may she rest in peace. 

i moved dorm rooms in between the fall and spring semester, and once again i was not happy with where i lived. i lived with 4 rando’s that i was placed with and the 5 of us barely even talked with each other. my direct roommate i saw for only two weeks, and for the nights he slept over in the bed (that he was paying room and board for) and had the worst snoring humanly possible that not even earplugs could kill (video below). i hardly slept while he was there and roamed the halls of riverview suites like a ghost due to the anxiety i felt about my lack of sleep (we love a vicious circle)! he disappeared after those two weeks without notice and i lived in fear of him returning for the rest of the semester (which he didn’t), but returned to my normal sleep schedule. 

that semester was my first semester of full-time grad school. i got a poor grade on an assignment that had a note from the professor that said she knew i could do better and it hit me how much different grad school is from undergrad and how much more effort and dedication it requires. after crying in my professor’s office, my work ethic has improved since then, but it’s not anywhere near where i’d like it to be (more on that later). 

now to more positive things for the spring semester: i met some friends that semester both ~on and offline~ that made the semester far more bearable AND i did however truly pop off in every last one of my powerpoint presentations for class. i looooove making powerpoints and just fuckin telling jokes about my research topic and have ppl tell me that they are looking forward to my presentation & that i should teach college classes :)!

me and 4 friends had a social group in which we’d drink and play board games and forget about the board game and drunkenly talk shit called cabam after all our first initials! i always looked forward to that and dug the group chemistry a lot.

during this semester i grew a   “ beard “, otherwise known as i chose not to shave just to  “ see what would happen “ (praythatitfilledin). sorry about that!

the overwatch league was something that i had to look forward to watch every week and i had my experience enhanced through sideshow and avast’s unofficial companion streams, which guaranteed lots of laughs. i have bought tickets to two boston home games in 2020 which i am very excited about! analysts have predicted boston to be in 20th place this year (there are 20 teams) but i’m still excited for the 2020 season anyway!!

i can’t have a year-in-review of 2019 without mentioning game of thrones. due to the show’s final season being undeniably weak, i enjoyed the camaraderie with the other people that watched thrones during those six weeks. i haven’t thought about the show or its universe for quite a while, unfortunately. i truly was quite into the world of westeros, but the weakness of the end of the story cheapened the journey of each of the characters, in a way. such a shame.

while i got my diploma in december 2018, i walked across the stage of umass lowell’s tsongas arena with my bachelor of arts in psychology (and minor in theatre arts). it wasn’t as emotional or triumphant of an experience and just felt weird, considering i had already gotten my diploma and was going to remain in the clutches of rowdy the riverhawk as i am staying for my masters degree in applied behavior analysis/autism studies. i brought a ceramic monkey to graduation. it didn’t have any symbolism, but i just wanted to see if they’d stop me (which they didn’t)

 this summer was better than most summers of mine go, i hung out with alex nearly every weekend, got my very first iphone, and got a data plan. the combination of these three things got me back into playing pokemon go, an unexpectedly fun pastime! went on lots of walks!

my favorite day of summer was going to a lake with alex and our friend gianna, who i grew closer to after meeting her during macbeth last year. fond 2019 memories with gianna include: doing simulation patients with her, watching movies with her and alex, and the halloween party. what a great gd person and a great gd friend! big fan and eternally rooting for her. 

fire emblem: three houses came out on the switch in august and is, without a doubt, my game of the year. there’s truly so much to love about the game: the world, the characters, new changes made to the series, things that were gone but returned, interesting micromanaging, and best of all, how huge my brain feels when playing it. 

i got a 6-week summer job as a paraprofessional at an extended-school-year program for children with developmental disabilities at a preschool in haverhill which taught me a lot of lessons, such as: i hate cleaning shit off of children.

then i had feelings that didn’t make much sense for about a month! whoops!

my full-time job i currently have is working at my old high school as a behavior specialist. i provide consultation and work on programs to lead to more appropriate behavior in students, primarily ones with developmental disabilities. so far it’s been fairly rewarding, some days are more challenging than others, some days are a lot of sitting in meetings, and some days are a lot of running around. some days there is not much to do at all, which has its obvious upsides and downsides. working at the high school isn’t something that i want to do forever, but it’s a good place to start with. i’m definitely learning a lot and there are a lot of benefits to working here. sometimes i can work on my grad school work (which is all online until the 2020 summer semester) which is definitely huge. and my commute is either a 15 minute walk or 3 minutes if my mom drives me! 

a ~complex~ thing about working in my hometown is that it makes the most financial sense to live at home because it’s so close to work. this is my first time living at home full-time since high school and i’m not enjoying that part too much. most weekends i visit alex in lowell, but being stuck at home with no car (going to retake the license test in the spring when the ice melts!) and having to go to bed so early definitely hurts. sure, i have what is likely the lowest amount of expenses i’ll ever have in my life (no car-related payments, no rent, no groceries), but i feel landlocked. i feel like a teenager with minimal freedom, which is in part because my mom doesn’t quite understand yet that i’m a 22 year-old that should have a lot more freedom than i do now. the most i really do on weekdays after work gets out (2:30p) is go to savers with my mom if it’s tuesday (senior citizen day), maybe go for a walk if it’s nice out (which for most of the school year, it isn’t), or be on the computer watching bon appetit videos and playing overwatch, fire emblem, or pokemon, eat a bland dinner at 6, go to bed at around 9:30. sad! truly not a situation that i want to be trapped in that much that much longer!

i think the best and most important part of this year was becoming closer with alex. as i mentioned before, we see each other most weekends, to our great benefit. our living situations have flip-flopped, with me living at home and alex living in an apartment near campus, which in both similar and different ways have taken their respective tolls on us. having each other while going through changes and stagnations in our lives has been immeasurably important. thank you alex for providing a place to be myself other than my own head. thank you for being my best friend. 

now i come to the thing that i’m most excited about for 2020. not 2 suck my own horn but i have cobbled together a fuckin dream team of five friends (me, alex, chris, kelly, and molly). the two times we have all gotten together it has been so satisfying in such a wonderful and otherworldly way that i am filled to the brim of happiness being around them. the craziest thing is that i met chris and kelly through twitter! TWITTER. and they’re real-ass people and my real-ass friends! i haven’t been so pleased with something in my life like this for so long and it feels so good to have adult friends that i have chosen rather than friends by circumstance. it’s truly a crime that we can’t see each other more often, but we already have a day picked out for the next time we all do something together. feeling emotional writing this paragraph bc i love me gd friends so much!

there is a lot of uncertainty about this new year for me. i sure as fuck don’t want to live at home more than i have to but don’t know where to go, my practicum class starts for me this summer which means i’ll most likely have to change jobs (fine by me, but will be exhausting), i recently began my search for therapists and hope to find one soon to help me ~unpack things~, my thesis begins in the fall semester and i don’t know what to do for it, and i’m not 100% dead-set on working in special education. it’s been hard transitioning from living on campus and going to school full-time to the life i have now. 

[kiwi]

Hi I love your art!! I was just wondering how old you were when you started posting online? I'm almost 16 and I still haven't started posting my art online. I feel like my art is "good enough" to start posting it online but at the same time I'm always constantly working to get better so I don't want to regret starting an account too early in my artistic development. Sorry for rambling but do you have any advice for starting to post onlinr? Social media is nervewracking and I dont want to mess up

hi, thanks anon!

i was 11 when i joined deviantart and hooooooo ooooooOOOOOO BOY im glad i deleted that mess. it wasnt because of the art at all though, i actually made a lot of friends that way and even though there was the odd meanie, every like and comment really encouraged me to keep going! the only reason i dont recommend doing it that young is because i was baby and didnt kno how to act online. if you say dumb stuff on the internet as a tiny bastard it can come back to bite you in the ass

but by all means, if you know how to conduct yourself in a reasonable way online, please post your art! there is absolutely no milestone you should reach before it’s acceptable to post your work. you should post just for the joy of it! if sharing your work doesnt bring you happiness, keep it private for your own enjoyment, but personally sharing my work has been very encouraging for me to keep going

i was 14 when i started posting art on tumblr, and 15 or 16 when i started making youtube videos. and i really did love it! i didnt do it for money at that point, i just did it because it made me happy to network and grow a channel based on something that i made all by myself. do i like every piece that i made back then? hell fuckin no! did i make some real ugly art a bunch of times? hell fuckin yea! but do i feel that sharing my art has stunted my growth? absolutely not. it’s done the opposite! just because you start posting doesn’t mean you’ve “made it” and youre done improving. you can change and learn so much by opening up to your peers online!

as far as advice for posting online goes... (under a readmore to save space and in case i wanna add something later)

1. as i said before.... dont be a little jerk lol. ive learned over the years to treat my online art accounts in a professional way. just share your art and try not to get into shit with strangers for no reason

2. similarly, dont feel the need to respond to bad comments. try to learn the difference between a helpful critique and a troll! and trust me, you will get plenty of both. also, just because youre sharing your work doesnt necessarily mean you have to acknowledge and follow every piece of criticism you receive, sometimes you just want to share art for the fun of it and thats fine! learn to delete comments and move on

3. utilize tags! tag the most popular things associated with your art first. tumblr only tracks the first five tags, so make sure to tag the fandom it’s associated with before adding your in-tag commentary if you have any. go wild with tags on other sites though honestly it cant hurt. on youtube i put like 50 tags on every video that even vaguely have to do with the vid’s subject matter, just to increase the chance that itll show up in more peoples searches

4. if social media is nervewracking to you, just start posting on the site you’re most comfortable with first. maybe just start sharing with your friends and family before you reach out to bigger communities. eventually, you can start posting on multiple sites to maximize the amount of views you get

5. just have fun! drawing fanart is a great way to both get exposure, and find people who like the same things you do. fanart is an awesome part of online communities and everyone enjoys a brand new piece of their favorite show, game, or character! if posting isn’t fun for you, don’t stress yourself out with it.

good luck!