#yes i am a broken 25 year old but by god i am trying to get back on track

[parin-gurumin]

Although I don't particularly care about popularity or receiving attention, due to the nature of how my experience on twitter has been like these past few years, I have always enjoyed the Tumblr experience far more than any other platform. People are far more likely to interact by means of overall reblogging and adding comments in the tags, it's very sweet and motivating.

I came back to homestuck after A DECADE because of me having a rough, mentally and emotionally draining week because my impulsive thinking was like, "Hey man, fuck it, how far into Homestuck do you think I can read before I get help. (from discord support for context)" I had never actually read it when I was a kid because I just didn't have the attention span and willpower to read through SO much dialogue. I only ever interacted with it by means of just celebrating it as a fan who never actually read it, but liked it nonetheless. Of course now that I am a grown ass adult who can make their own conscious decisions and actually has the time and whatever to actually both appreciate AND enjoy reading extensively I am enjoying homestuck way more than I ever did before. I know that because of the death of flash (fuckin rip, dude, AWFUL) and extensive information about Hussie (TO PUT IT LIGHTLY) have since made getting into the comic a bit of a hassle and a choice it makes me wish I had actually read it at its best performance.

But, back on topic, twitter and other socials have the tendency to be particularly attached to trend hopping and sticking with what's currently doing numbers. Because, again, I don't care about dabbling in trends I just do what I want and ultimately that causes people to just not care about what I create. I have grown very apathetic towards my art and due to academic trauma from having been in a private art college with a low acceptance rate I have been in art burn out hell for literal years. The mix of both nobody caring about my art and my own rocky broken relationship with art made me extremely unmotivated yet long for the joys of creation once more.

Whenever I post here specifically it brings me joy again, it makes me realize that YES PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO CARE ABOUT AND ENJOY WHAT I MAKE NO MATTER WHAT IT MAY BE AND ITS CURRENT POPULARITY. I'm very happy seeing the same faces in the likes and/or rbs for my posts. I'm very happy seeing the same person revisit and reblog it for a second time or more. I'm very happy with how close and genuine it feels. (in a non-parasocial way) I'm just glad that despite this site being in a perpetual state of uncertainty, run by a skeleton crew, functions like shit, current CEO is a moron and the site is set to sail until it dies naturally it became the most genuine feeling of the social platforms ESPECIALLY for art.

I know this has gotten very longwinded and is essentially chaotic practically emotional rambling but like, thank you!!!!!!!!!

I have more stuff to come and from the bottom of my heart genuinely appreciate everyone's support here, it actually means the world to me. THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

MY OLD ART BTW!!!!!! anything that's not in that small 2021 corner is 2013-early 2014

[thesexydevils]

Mine Truly - Part Three

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only.

I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted anywhere even if you give credit. But please re-blog and comment. Thank you!

Pairing: Dark Tony Stark x Desi (Indian) OFC

Summary: Tony Stark’s interest is awakened by a new feisty and strong Intern.

Warnings: dark fic, non con, manipulation, stalking, workplace harassment, misuse of power and money, desi ofc, dark Tony Stark

Part Two

A/N: English is my fourth language, so sorry for any mistakes. My stories are mostly written for adults and have mature topics.

Mishti - Bengali, Indian origin and means Sweet or Sweet person

Mine Truly - Part Three

Mahi’s POV

The rest of the day went by without seeing or hearing again from him. I hurriedly packed my things in my purse and left the small room when my mobile rang. It was Aryan’s call. “Hey Mishti, what’s up?”

I smiled at the nickname he gave me. “Ari, I am fine. Just leaving the Stark building. Why?” “Thank God you haven’t left yet. I will be there in 5 minutes and then we can go for a few drinks.” I thought about cancelling but then changed my mind and said yes.

I walked out of the building and as soon as I was out, I felt someone watching. I turned around but there was nothing. But suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and screamed in my ear. I couldn’t help but I screamed too. My heart almost jumped out of my chest.

In panic I moved my head backwards and hit the person on his nose. “What the fuck Mishti?” I stopped and looked back. “Aryan? What the hell is wrong with you.” He let go of me and moved his head back, holding his nose.

I was trying hard not to laugh. “Mishti, did you break my nose? Am I bleeding? Oh god, I can’t have a broken nose. Please no.” Okay I was laughing my ass off as he was being such a drama queen.

“Oh, nothing happened and no you are not bleeding. Ari, you should have thought twice before trying to scare me. That’s what you get when you try to be mean.” I stuck my tongue out at him and before I knew he picked me up. My hands landed on his shoulders. “Ari let me down. I swear if you let me fall I will…” “Oh come on Mishti, I would never let you fall. Have you seen my biceps?” I playfully slapped his cheek. “Okay mister strong, now let me down. I am hungry, I need food.”

He laughed because he knew food was my life.

No POV

Tony was in his lab, working on a new device, but his mind drifted back to Mahi. The way she spoke and looked at him drove him crazy. She was always so disrespectful like he is a nobody.

He didn’t want to be mean and rough to her, but her attitude always got the worst out of him. Tony wanted to date her like a nice guy and give her beautiful gifts and lavish dinners but every time he only got rejections.

Never before in his life had anyone rejected him, and the first time he let it slide, but she did it again and again.

The rock music was blasting in the lab, and he was working without any shirt only in his black wife beater. He took a big sip of his now cold coffee when one of his Iron man suits sent him some messages.

“Jarvis, get them on the big screen.” “Yes Mr. Stark.” Said the monotone British voice.

Within seconds many pictures popped up on the screen. Some were from the morning and the others were from this evening. Tony tapped on the screen and one of the photos became large. It was the one where a guy picked Mahi up in his arms and she had her hands on his shoulder.

She was smiling so carefree and beautifully at him. It made Tony’s blood boil in jealousy. The coffee mug was smashed against the wall.

He looked at the other pictures and she was mostly smiling or looking shyly at that boy. “Who the fuck is this? Jarvis, do you have any information about this fucker?”

Tony was breathing very hard, trying to control his rage. “Yes sir! He is the same person from Ms. Sharma’s Instagram profile. He is Aryan Khanna, a 25-year-old male. Both grew up together and have been childhood friends since kindergarten. From their social media accounts and the comments on their posts it is believed that they are dating. But neither had confirmed the rumours. Sir there is a video from him on his account where Mr. Khanna was openly declaring his love for Ms. Sharma. The video was made 3 months ago at a friend’s wedding.

Tony hit the table with his fist “Bloody fucker. How dare he look at her. She is mine and I will not let her be anyone else.” Tony watched the video of him proposing to her but somehow, he was a bit glad she didn’t say yes, but she didn’t even say no to him and that irked him more.

He enlarged another photo of them. It was from this evening. Both were having dinner in an Asian restaurant. She looked happy in the pictures. Tony was pissed, he was the one who should be with her right now and should have a wonderful evening. She should be smiling at him. He should be the only man who looked at her that way. “It’s time to learn the hard way love. You will come to me on your own. I am going to make you beg.”

He caressed her picture. “Jarvis, open her family’s file.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aryan walked in silence with Mahi. They were just a few metres away from her building. Mahi looked at him when she felt his eyes on her. Aryan took her hand in his and caressed her knuckles softly. Her heart was beating faster as he pulled her hand up and kissed the back of her hand.

“Mishti, you know how I feel for you, don’t you? I know you are worried that if it doesn't work out between us, our friendship will be destroyed. But I promise you no matter what your decision is I will always be your best friend, and nothing is ever going to change that.”

Mahi looked away from him. She wanted to tell him yes, but now there was the Stark problem, and she didn’t want Aryan to get into the line of fire. Mahi had a feeling that it would not end well for anyone. 

“Aryan, I ... you are an amazing human being, and any girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend and partner in her life. But it scares me to think of what if it doesn't work out. I can’t lose you and...and Sweetu, she looks up to you. You are her big brother, after Papa you are the only one who she really listens to. I don’t want her to lose you if it doesn’t work.”

Unknowing to her a tear rolled down her cheek. Aryan softly wiped the tear away with his thumb. “That is the reason why I love you, you always put your family before anything else. You would do everything in your power to keep your loved ones happy. That's how I know it will work, because we both will make sure that this relationship will turn out perfect.”

Mahi was conflicted about whether to tell him or not to tell him about Tony Stark and his harassments. After thinking about the pros and cons she finally decided to tell him about Stark.

Before Mahi could say anything, the door opened, and her little sister came out running and hugged Aryan tightly. “Aaaarriiii, I missed you so much. You are now too busy to visit us.”

Aryan hugged the girl back, but his eyes were still focused on Mahi. He knew she was going to tell him something important. “Come on in and meet Mom before she leaves for the hospital. Mom will be happy to see you.”

The young girl pulled him inside, but he looked back at Mahi, and she nodded her head at him.

The next day

Mahi was somehow surprised not to see or hear from Tony. She was sure he would be lurking around the corner, but there was no sign of him the whole day.

His absence made her think about his warning, the more she thought about it, the more she was sure he was planning something. 

The way he behaved with her in the past days, showed her that he was not going to leave her alone. She pushed all of his thoughts out of her mind and packed her things and left the room. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

She reached her home without running into Tony. She somehow felt a bit relieved that maybe now Tony will leave her alone and find someone who wants to be with him.

She opened the door and called out for her mother, but there was no reply from her. Even her sister's room was silent. As Mahi locked the front door and walked up to the living room. Before she entered, she could hear someone softly crying.

“Ma what happened? Why are you crying?” Mahi stood in front of her crying mother. Her baby sister was clinging to their mother. She took her mother’s hand in hers. “Tell me what happened?” Her mother pulled the scared girl's arms from her. 

“The hospital reported me, because they found prescription drugs in a large quantity in my locker. They believe I took it from the stock to sell it on the street. The management terminated me without notice and they will report me to the authorities.”

Mahi hugged her weeping mother tightly. “Mom, we will find a way out. Please don’t cry. I will talk to Aryan, maybe he can help us. You have to be strong, we both are with you. We know you would never do anything like that. Sweetu, stay with mom, I will talk to Aryan.”

Mahi hurriedly took her mobile out of the purse and went to her room. It was ringing but he didn’t pick my call. Tears welled up her eyes as she sat down on her bed. 

After a minute or so her mobile rang. “Ari I... I need your help. My mom, she got...”

“She has a drug problem, and the hospital will press charges against her, right love?” She snapped for air like someone had thrown a bucket full of ice water on her. 

“Tony ... Tony what did you do?” That bastard just chuckled at her, like it was just a funny prank. 

“Really, what did I do? No, what you made me do. You forced my hand, because you had to be stubborn and now your family will pay. First your mother, poor her. She will spend a good amount of her life in jail. Then there is your sweet sister, so innocent and young. Hey if you need money, you can always send her to the red-light districts. Your sister will make good money there and with the right pimp, she will ...”

“Shut up, shut up ... just shut the fuck up, you bloody pig. I will kill you.” Mahi hissed in her mobile. Tony only laughed at her outburst.

“I know a very exclusive brothel with many elite customers. She will be in good hands, and this is only the start. Wait till I start with your friends.” “Stop, just stop, please. Tony, don't do this to my family, please I beg you. You're Iron man, you’re supposed to be a hero and a good man.” She held the mobile tighter as she sobbed. 

“Mmmm, yes, I am Iron man and a world known hero and you still disrespected and rejected me, like I am a loser.”

“What do you want?” “YOU. I want you tonight in my bed. If you don’t come, then I have to ...”

“No, I will come.” “Good girl, wear something sexy for me and be here by 9. You already tested my patience and I am done playing nice. If you are late tonight, your mother will be in jail and your sister will vanish without a trace. Am I clear?” Tears were running down her cheeks, her legs wobbled as she tried to suppress her cries with her hand.

 “Say it!” She flinched, it took everything in her not to scream and throw her phone across the room.

“Yes, Tony. Please, just leave my family out of this. I will do anything for them. Just don’t hurt them.”

“Good girl. I can’t wait to have you in my bed. Oh baby, it’s going to be a very special night for us. I am waiting.” 

With that the line went dead.

If you like it, leave comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!!!

[old-men-yaoi-lover]

I had a friend with whom I had like the craziest 3 am convos, now we're drifting apart so I'm gonna like document some of that weirdness, some jokes

1. Universe was created last Thursday

2. Peppa pig is 2m tall

3. I classify my memories by places, not time. Time isn't linear it's geographical

4. Ego finished before it could fester, the universe doesn't allow me

5. From the depths of Mushroom kingdom, emerges a man with a moustache so long

He's got a plan, he's got a scheme

Warrior, wario the money making Machine!

6. Will he cry, a broken man for all he has lost? Will they live or will they roam about with their hearts dead and brains shrieking?

7. Never be vanilla. Always be so extra and dramatic that you put Ursula to shame

8. We could just be immortal sentient jellybishes, floating in the ocean all day, but nooo

9. Rodrick from the live action movie is way too fine

10. A: I don't have friends

B: wait what about m- (starts fading away)

11. Confused OONGA BOONGA intensifies

12. I want to pour mouthwash on my eyes

13. A: Haha you're so old.

B: old, ancient, a dinosaur, even.

14. I pity myself, an eternal doormat who keeps trying to help people despite being ignored by them.

I'm a beta male, sonic

15. A: hey come onliiine

B:Who dares summon me, The Great Naga, king of the serpentssssssss

16. I broke into a children's park to play on the swings, I'm a criminal

17. Without even a semblance of awareness of any conciousness

18. Never feel guilty for eating chocolate

Feel guilty for being alive instead!

19. Thanks bro, you keep me undergrounded

20. After everything that has happened, if I don't get in my favourite college, I'm gonna be so pissed off that even the Gods will worry. The simulated Matrix should be sweating rn. They better not distract me.

21. I forget I'm alive sometimes

22. How can I sleep when the world is briefly magical for a moment which seperates the days? ✨

23. Haha suffer peasant

24. A: i grow, not grow up

Cosine so fine Constantine

Always alone, post Malone, Sylvester Stallone

All these rich people always act they busy

All I ever want in my life is pu-

I'm sorry, I got carried away, i don't where that came from

But like there's so much symbolism in this ryt, socioeconomic disparity, immaturity and-

B: Yea the pussy is a metaphor for how you were in a dark cave in your life

25. Mongolian throat singing ensues

26. Let's lie back and stare at the stars as last of the lights are put out

27. Mike wazhousekey

28. Ye have been blessed, kill some people in your dreams

29. I wanna die while somersaulting into the mouths of sharks in a lava pit volcano

30. A: my neck hurts so bad

B: want me to break it

31. Why am I like this?

When did I become like this?

32. You can feel the 12 year old girl energy from the screen

All my friends have personality of a toddler

33. Being buff and anxious is wayy better than being anxious

34. You're one sarcastic and a pleasant funny chap good sir

A hoit a toit

35. The theological conclusion to an eternal saga

36. And her skin the colour of coffee but only with milk because she was white (talking about how there were little coloured people in standards of beauty thing)

37. Atleast you try, my beloved

38. A: do my laundry

B: here have monekys

A: ...

B: special helicopter swings for shirts too

39. That attention seeking, two timing bubonic barnacle rat

40. There is no gender

There is only cockroach and those too filled with fear to face it

Anyways they have their own whole life and they seem happier without me so Saying goodbye i suppose haha sed lyf

[poolman70]

I have lived on this rock for 53 yrs. I thought I'd seen and felt everything. Well God or whatever is in control I've really, I mean really tried to be a good person. I've lost most of the people in my life that I have loved.yet I keep trudging everyday to put a smile on. And everyone around me don't know how I hurt. My one solid is my 25 year old son he's a great kid, I was lucky to find my soulmate, she's the greatest woman that I could dream of, strong, smart, and yes beautiful. This creator or whatever you want to believe "tests" and we must have"faith" what about me! 😭 My wife is dying from cancer now. I cry all the time, uncontrollable. I'm 53 what am I going to do. I've had 5 back surgeries. Who would want a broken man. So what I want everyone that ever reads this. Is it can always get worse. And when you look at those homeless people begging on the street know that they have a sad story, show them love cause we can be dead tomorrow. Love is powerful you could change their life. Always try to be a good person it's not for God or anything but your soul.

[if-you-forget-me]

1-70

Hate you 💕💕

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Depends on the day

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Julia!

03: Do you regret anything?

Plenty of things

04: Are you insecure?

Also depends on the day

05: What is your relationship status?

Patiently waiting for a proposal

06: How do you want to die?

I absolutely hate this question, next

07: What did you last eat?

I had a sampler platter of appetizers 😩

08: Played any sports?

The real question is was I any good at playing sports

09: Do you bite your nails?

Mmmmm yes

10: When was your last physical fight?

Does drop kicking Julia count

11: Do you like someone?

I hate literally everyone

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Not possible for me I love sleep

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

See question 11

14: Do you miss someone?

I miss my dogs (they’re downstairs)

15: Have any pets?

..see question 14

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

My tummy hurts

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

I’m a child of god

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Frens :(

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Only so I could win the lottery

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

Your moms house

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I can’t think past tomorrow

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Absolutely not

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

I do not

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Science ✨✨

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Julia just left my house so does that count

26: What are you craving right now?

I’m craving ice cream even tho again..my tummy hurts

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Whoever’s heart I broke probs deserves it

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

No bc they’d be buried 6ft under bye

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I make Julia cry daily with how smelly I am

30: What’s irritating you right now?

My tummy hurting

31: Does somebody love you?

God I hope not

32: What is your favourite color?

Green :)

33: Do you have trust issues?

Yes :)

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

OMG BUCKLE UP bc I remember aLL of my dream. Actually long story short, Shania Twain ATTACKED me after trying to homewreck someone’s relationship and they had to pry her off my body

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I cried in front of Julia today bc she wouldn’t carry me

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Oh for sure

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

I can’t remember anything so probs to forget

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

It literally just started and I’ve tried two different SSRIs

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I already told you I’m a child of god

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

I actually just did my first topless excursion it was very liberating

51: Favourite food?

Tomato’s and mozzarella

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Do you believe in ligma?

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Watched The First Avenger :)

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Ew

55: Are you mean?

Yeah

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Not enough

57: Do you believe in true love?

Ya

58: Favourite weather?

Mmmmmm depends on the day and activity

59: Do you like the snow?

Sometimes

60: Do you wanna get married?

See question 5

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Awe yeah that’s gay

62: What makes you happy?

My dogs and cows

63: Would you change your name?

That’s so much work

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yeah she’s stinky

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Impossible I have no friends

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Joe only tolerates so much of me

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Tbh I think it was you Brandon LOL

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I can’t remember anything next

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

Haha 69

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

My dogs any day of the week

[latenightgasstationwalk]

14. He got a package one day that I signed for that was rather heavy. I brought it to him and he just started laughing. I was like “what’s in there?” He opened it up and pulled out a big urn and set it on a display case we had in the dining room, all while laughing, and said “my dad”

15. Gifted me a BB gun a few weeks after I moved in and said “use this to kill the mice”

16. Installed a ceiling fan in the living room that broke a gas pipe in our ceiling (house was mad old and had gas pipes all over the internals for gas lanterns) and I luckily awoke at 2 am like “damn what’s that smell” and he took everything apart and fixed with with A LIT CIGARETTE IN HIS MOUTH.

17. Woke me up every other day around 4:30 am so we could spend an hour doing donuts in the cermak parking lot before we opened the store

18. Spent 2 hours at a bar trying to convince me to steal some guys key fob so we could joy ride his car. Insisting that “we’d just leave it somewhere and he’d get it right back”

19. Threw a stapler at the jimmy Johns corporate guys head when he gave him a bad score. He was not fired. Infact his scores never went under 95 out of 100 from that point on.

20. Turned his brothers room into a storage room for moped / motorcycle parts every year around fall when he would move out to go back to college

21. Got really mad at the entire staff of our jimmy Johns one day and told them all (except the delivery drivers) to go home in the middle of a lunch rush. We 2 manned the whole lunch rush and all he could talk about was “think of how much labor we saved we don’t even need them bro”

22. Ran out of firewood at a bonfire and started destroying his own furniture for more wood

23. BB gun fights in the house whenever we felt like it

24. One time we were at a KFC and some guy started harassing the cashier over the price of chicken wings vs chicken thighs while we were eating and Sweeney, from across the lobby of a packed KFC, said “hey, Shut the Fuck up, you sound stupid. We’re trying to eat” the chicken haggler man begrudgingly left looking pretty angry.

25. Refused to enter a Dunkin’ Donuts because they had recently remodeled and replaced their door handles with ones shaped like the letter “D”

26. Found an opening managers weed stash in the jimmy Johns safe and said “we already talked about this, next time I see weed in the safe, I’m just going to take it”

27. Built a motorcycle from the ground up out of parts he got from broken motorcycles, and traded it for like 6 mopeds, which he scrapped for parts. Then used the proceeds to buy some weird rare shotgun, which he then traded for a 2000 Honda Civic.

28. Got drunk and ripped his brothers jeans right off his legs. Just grabbed a pant leg and ripped his jeans right off. I didn’t think that was possible. We were outside also.

29. One time I asked him If we were still doing WSR reports on a holiday and he said yes and I replied “that’s what I thought” and he gently told me not to say that to him again because “that’s something you say when you want to fight some one”

30. Push the kitchen table out of the dining room so me and our other roommate could fight because he was mad that I peed on him (very drunk)

31. Discover that our house had a hole in the ceiling of the attic because a raccoon had been living up there. He stated on the matter: “I wana do something about it but he’s so god damn cute”

32. Made me go to a strip club for the first time on his brothers birthday and got mad when I freaked out and wanted to leave

33. Noticed a payroll error had caused me to go from 0 tax exemptions to 22. When I asked what I should do he said “shit bro they didn’t take any taxes at all. I’d leave it like that”

34. I noticed one day that he always has a white T-shirt under his Jimmy Johns shirt and when I asked why he said “if I need to beat someone’s ass I’ll have to take off any jimmy Johns gear so people don’t associate it with the company” like this is what I mean he would structure his life around future conflicts lmao

35. Pulled a gun on a guy at a McDonalds drive through for trying to grab his bank deposit bags

36. One time we went to Culver’s and these really weird looking guys walked up to is and said “what’s up man how you been?” He stood there and stared them down with no words until they looked a little freaked out and walked away. When I asked about them he said “they’re just losers from my past. Not even worth talking about” I wonder about this one very often

Pretty sure he’s half Klingon.

List of things Sweeney has done that I don’t talk about because no one would believe me

1. Beat up a guy who forced his way into the womens bathroom at jimmy Johns

2. Made some random guy clean the bathrooms after getting them dirty. also at jimmy Johns

3. Go out and get everyone who lived in our house a gun after our house got broken into

4. Made me drive around with him in the absolute worst neighborhoods in milwaukee (with guns) in search for his Honda Civic that had just been stolen.

5. Texted me “why is the door locked” while I was at work and by the time I texted him back he had already kick our door down and replaced it.

6. Bought a new stove one day out of the blue and when I asked why he said “there’s like one million little mouse shits inside this stove”

7. Shot our ceiling with a revolver from the 1940’s that he was cleaning while loaded.

8. Leave a motorcycle engine in the oven for 6 months that he was “heat treating” whatever that means.

9. Smoke a bare minimum of 20 blunts a day with almost no change in his demeanor

10. Walk out on my first day of training as a manager because he had to beat up one of his roommates

11. Fire me at 10pm on cinco de Mayo while I was already very very drunk

12. Forced me to drink an entire bottle of whiskey (Jim beam 🤮 )with him on the 4th of July when we both had to be at the store by 5am the next morning.

13. Literally bought a car off Craigslist every Fucking month. Every month he’d be selling whatever he got the month before and buying something else. Always for a profit but never really getting out of the used car circuit. He even had a 89 corvette for a while.

There’s so much more but I’d have to like sit and remember it all.

[alreadyblondenow]

Cupid in love

Pairing: Cupid!Jaehyun x female!reader

Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, angst?

WC: 3,150k

Warnings: FANTASY GALORE. rough break up sex, unprotected sex, slight nipple play, swearing, mentions of other idols

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time.. For NCT-WRITERS Cafe Resonance

—————

Walking around the mall alone and witnessing yet another beautiful, and successful Valentines Day for the year of 2021 and you’re the only person in the world who knew the man behind this beautiful day.

“Alone during Valentine’s day Y/n? Jaehyun hyung can’t come?” Mark, the waiter from the cafe asked you while he serves you your third round of your favorite warm drink. This is where you and Jaehyun first met, and you have been celebrating Valentines day for nearly three years here now just because Jaehyun can see all the lovers holding hands through that clear glass. All his hard work has paid off.

But tonight, he is already two hours late and you wonder why because he has never been late on Valentine’s Day.

“Uhm, Jaehyun will be a little bit late. Business trip. But I completely understand his schedule” you smiled and thanked him.

Of course you’re not sad that Jaehyun couldn’t make it on time this year. Maybe he got caught up with a little work an emergency perhaps? But you do hope that this is nothing serious.

Three Valentine’s Day ago

You were sitting quietly at Cafe Resonance with a warm drink on your side. Just admiring the happy couples that are enjoying the day with flowers, sweets, and different kinds of surprises. It was a normal day for you, but not until a very handsome man sat in front of you on the other side of the table. Giving you three pieces of Cafe Resonance’s Valentine cookies.

A cupid in his human form. Came out to play and enjoy his day for his own selfish needs. The gods forbade Jaehyun to celebrate his own day so he could stay pure like the god that he is and remain sinless and worthy. But the young cupid is full of passion and curiosity that he took his chance to walk on Earth and make himself meet someone that can satisfy his physical wants.

“The cafe manager said that if I want someone to fall on love with me, I should give them a Valentine cookie” he said and flashed a very handsome smile at you. Knowing all too well that what the manager told him was complete bullshit, because no one can force love to happen with anyone but him.

At least that’s what he knew.

Your first encounter with Jaehyun was surprisingly refreshing and fun. You ate all the cookies that he gave and to be honest you only did that to show him that you’re interested with him too, and also it’s not so bad to fall in love with someone like him. He’s nice, decent and well mannered. Though it’s pretty obvious that he’s after for some Valentine’s sex, and you have no problem with that.

At the end of the day, the man made you scream in bed, fucked you on the wall and made you cum for more three times using his cock. He sure knew how to fuck, you thought.

But the bitter feeling and ugly thought of waking up without him by yourself the next day is something you don’t want to happen so even though you’re dead tired from the sex, you try si hard not to sleep yet and make the best of this moment by asking too much questions to him that he likes answering.

Was the valentine cookie from Cafe Resonance real? Is it really possible for you to fall in love with a stranger?

“Go sleep. I promise I’m still here when you wake up” he said.

And he kept his promise not only the day after Valentine’s Day, but also for the next few weeks. Who would expect that a cupid who just wanted to have fun during his day, wasn’t so immune with love after all. And who would expect that he’s willing to be punished by the gods because of you? But what amazes Jaehyun the most, is how you fell in love with him. Because even as a cupid, he didn’t made you like him or used his powers for his selfishness.

Either way, he still refused on believing that the Valentine cookie was real and effective. Such kind of love mustn’t be tolerated he thought.

Life with Jaehyun was sweet and real. Too beautiful to ruin. That’s why when Jaehyun said that he’s leaving, you didn’t take it lightly which soon lead to your first fight.

Jaehyun didn’t have much of a choice but to tell you the truth. Even though you just laughed at him when he finally said the words, he secretly hoped that you’d still understand because he believes that you love him.

“I don’t have a choice Y/n. I’ve been away for months now. I am neglecting my duty as a cupid, by this time the happy couples that we saw during Valentine’s day could have broken up already because I’m not around” he explains frustratedly.

“So you’re saying that you’re the cupid and couples can break up because you’re not around. Because you’ve been busy being happy with me?”

“Yes” he answered weakly and reached for your hand to kiss it. Promising you that he will come back and find you. “It’s just for a year. I’ll sort everything out and I promise I’ll give the love that you deserve”

And as Jaehyun left you as soon as the truth was revealed, you let him leave you with a big doubt and judgement in your heart. Is he secretly married and you’re a mistress now? Have you done something wrong to make him leave you like this? And these ugly thoughts ran thru your mind for months and months during his absence.

During your wait for Jaehyun’s return, you decided to move on and just date anyone to forget everything about Jaehyun. But every time that you plan a date with someone, the set date will be either cancelled or the guy won’t show up. Little did you know that Jaehyun is the man behind those unfortunate events. Secretly watching you from a cloud above you, guiding you towards patience until he returns and win your heart again.

It was not easy for Jaehyun to see you like this, purposely forgetting everything about him like he was just a dream to you. He can’t let that happen, for he knew that what you have is love.

On the next Valentine’s Day, you can’t believe who showed up in your doorstep. He didn’t change a bit, and neither his feelings for you.

“Can I come inside?” the cupid asked nervously.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but seriously what are you doing here Jae?”

“I told you I’d come back right? I’m here now, and we don’t have much time-“

“I have a boyfriend now so please leave me alone”

“That’s a lie. I know everything about you, I’ve watch you every day from above for a whole year. Please just believe me. Don’t push me away, I kept my promise didn’t I? I’m here now”

And the thought of Jaehyun keeping his promise was enough for you to welcome him in but your heart is still cold and broken because of what happened from the past.

As you and Jaehyun sit and have a decent conversation, he showed his wings which is enough proof to believe him that he really is the cupid. You were speechless for hours, and your apartment’s for corners was suffocating you so Jaehyun decided to have a walk with you.

He wanted to hold your hand like every couple he sees now. He wanted to whisper how much he misses you and loves you. Ironic isn’t it? He’s the cupid who spreads love on Earth but he can’t have love for himself.

“So how old are you?” you finally spoke. Those were your first words after seeing his wings, and that was four hours ago.

“Human age is 25, but cupid age... I have no idea but let’s say almost 127 years old? That’s still young in cupid years” he smiled and let out a small laugh. Completely missing that you’re shocked to the core upon hearing his age. But now that you know more truths about him, the normal thing you would do was react hysterically and make him leave you alone. Surprisingly, you wanted to hear more about him. To hear more about the truth.

“Tell me more?” You said shyly, slowly reaching for his hand for you to hold and hold it tightly. Oh you missed him.

He smiled so big and reached in for a kiss on the forehead before he tells you more about him and to what he do. The simple walk turned into a date, and of course he brought you to Cafe Resonance to celebrate your reunion and basically your first year of knowing each other. And when you got back to your apartment, he immediately brought you to your room and fucked you all night in different positions.

“When are you going to leave?” you asked while drawing circles on his chest and savouring his warmth.

“Tomorrow” he answered weakly and tightens his embrace, “I can’t be away from duty like what I did last year. The gods might not let me see you if I continue to be stubborn”

“It’s sad. But I understand, and at least now I have something to look forward to”

Three Valentine’s Day later

Thru the years of being together, even when you don’t see each other everyday, Jaehyun always finds a way to show his love for you thru unexpected things. Big or small.

Like during your birthdays, he always sends gifts to you with sweet and short notes. Or like whenever you wake up on your side of the bed and see a feather on his side of the bed. That simply means he’s always with you, like an angel.

This year’s Valentine’s day marks your three years if staying in love with each other, and you’re more than excited with seeing him today. But given that he was hours and hours late already, you decided to call it a day and go home to rest. Maybe he will come by the next day? Nonetheless, you still believe that he will do everything just to be with you.

Three days later, he’s still nowhere to be found and it’s weird how you can’t feel him watching you anymore. What is happening?

“Hi Y/n” Mark greeted you with his normal cheerful aura. “Were you and Jaehyun supposed to meet? You completely missed him. It’s weird actually, he came here not have some coffee but instead he had a talk with the manager”

“Uh- yeah, sorry. I guess I’ll see him at home then,” you answered awkwardly and forgot the cake that you purchased.

When you came back to your apartment, finally you see his unique figure standing by the window and staring blankly at the sky.

“I thought you forgot about me, are you okay? Jaehyun?” You hugged him from behind and kissed his broad shoulders.

“Sorry about that, how are you?” He turned around and return the hug and kisses. Saying that he’s really sorry for leaving you hanging on a very special day.

“I’m fine. What happened? Is there something wrong? You look troubled” you asked, but he didn’t answer your question but instead he kissed you deeply and motioned you towards your bedroom, making a trail of discarded clothes on the floor.

And once you landed on your bed, Jaehyun immediately went on top of you and kissed your neck, all the way down to the valley between your boobs while kneading them and sucking them. His breathing was heavy and you quickly noticed it. You wanted to make him stop and make him talk, but you’re too late.

He already spread your legs wide and positioned himself between your legs, kneeling in front of you so handsomely as he starts touching your pussy with his thumb. Up and down he makes you wet and sensitive, not to mention he was really gentle and slow. At first you thought he was going to fuck you already, but to you surprise he put his two fingers inside you and came closer to you again, to suck your nipples and bite them softly until he’s satisfied.

Swollen and sensitive, that’s how he left your nipples and starts lining his cock on your entrance, slowly pushing in his cock. “Fuck” he comments with a grunt. Putting every inch of his thick and veiny cock inside of you, moving his hips slowly. His head rests on the crook of you neck, his breath tickling you but all you can do now is moan.

Moan and keep him close with your arms wrapped around his frame. And when you whispered “I love you, Jaehyun” that instantly melted his heart and fucked you even more deliciously. But he also wished you didn’t say it to him because now he knows your love is not real. Cafe resonance put you in a spell and only your true love can break it.

He got up from his comfort close to your body and got a hold on your hips, slightly lifting it so he could fuck you harder and so he could see your boobs bounce up and down, grip it whenever he wants to, pinch it whenever he wants to and suck it whenever he wants to.

Suddenly, he pulled out completely only to push back in a little harsher that your head hit the head board. He did it again. Making you hiss with the stretch from your cunt, but the pleasure is driving you insane. He then started to lick your neck and chest, pinning your arms on your side while he fucks you harder. Your moans became louder and you started gripping the sheets and just stop fighting the feeling, and accepting the intensity of every thrust Jaehyun gives you.

“Why are you so rough tonight?” You asked with ragged breaths, toes started curling, and you begged him to go slower because you don’t want to cum yet but he didn’t listen.

He made you cum for the first time tonight and it wasn’t anything you’ve ever had before. You gripped the pillow so tight, moaned his name weakly, and let you shiver and curl beneath him while his hands still roams around your body, his cock still inside you and he hasn’t cum yet, a sign that he is not yet done with you.

Little did you know, he’s scanning every inch of you, engraving your beauty while you’re naked in his mind. For this is your last night together.

“I wanted to talk-“

Jaehyun started talking but to his surprise you voluntarily move your hips and started fucking yourself. He was sure he made you weak already and fucked you hard, how is possible that you still wanted to go for another round? But he wasn’t complaining, in fact he loves the image of you fucking yourself and using him to go off.

“That’s right baby, fuck me. Go deeper” and so you followed what he wanted, after all you’re not doing this for your own pleasure, you’re doing this because you wanted him to cum too.

With widely spread legs and bouncing tits, you moved your hips up and down while Jaehyun is kneeling in between your legs and you have a complete view of Jaehyun’s fucked out face. Eyebrows furrowing, parted swollen pink lips, chanting your name over and over again and telling you how much he loves what he’s seeing and feeling.

“Oh fuck Y/n, you feel so good”

“Fuck baby”

“Go slower, I don’t want to cum yet-“

But you didn’t gave into his request simply because he didn’t go slow earlier with you. So you moved your hips faster, up and down and put on a show for him by kneading your boobs in front of him and pinching your sensitive nipples to make yourself clench around him.

In a matter of seconds, Jaehyun’s hands are around your rib, perfectly placed under your boobs, and your legs are folded so he could go deeper. He took over until he’s finally shooting his warm, thick cum inside you. Satisfied for what you’ve done to him because he landed on top of your body, so weak and his legs are still shaking.

Too tired to clean the cum dripping from your hole, too comfortable in Jaehyun’s arms and presence that you never want to let go.

On the next day, you woke up quite late and you’re all alone in your cold bed. Though you’re completely cleaned and dressed, maybe Jaehyun took care of you last night before he leaves.

Scanning your apartment for something Jaehyun left, a small note or a flower placed somewhere... but you didn’t find anything. He usually leaves with a promise of seeing together again. Maybe he forgot?

When Jaehyun found out the truth about that Valentine cookie, he immediately hated himself for giving it to you and being the root of his heartbreak right now. He needs to fix this by looking for someone that will love you despite still having his effect on you. He’s positive that once your true love showed up, you will completely forget and move on from him.

It’s weird how this year, all you did was feel an unexplainable pain in your chest. A year full of pain and you dont know where your heartbreak is coming. Not to mention, Jaehyun hasn’t been making you feel his presence lately. That’s why you feel so lonely.

6 months have already passed since the last time that you saw him. And suitors always comes in the way, and you wonder how and why because you knew Jaehyun would get rid of them.

And as months passes by, you continue to fool yourself and still believe that Jaehyun will come back to you. Even tho you felt nothing from his presence the whole year.

Until finally, you received a note from him on Valentine’s day 2022.

Go to Cafe Resonance tonight -JH

And so you did, with a big smile on your face and with a new dress you bought specifically for this occasion. You waited for his arrival, looking at your watch every minute... but he never came. Instead, he sent you another note given bu the manager of Cafe Resonance.

“I’m sorry Y/n,” Manager Chenle said handling you the note that contains the saddest news you’ve ever received.

But just before you could open the note, someone sat in front of you and asked permission to share the table with you because everywhere else is full.

“Yes its fine,” you said without even looking at him and proceed to minding your own business. Reading Jaehyun’s last note to you that says.

He is a good man, full of love and has a heart of gold. He is the one destined for you, not me. The love I can give to you, has no match to what he can give to you. I’m sorry.

“By the way I’m Johnny”

The man reached out his hand for you to shake, smiling so handsomely at you. It’s weird how your heart instantly skipped a beat. Jaehyun how could you do this to me.

[fallingintogracee]

I miss writing

maybe this would become another memory that 25 year old Shann would scroll and laugh at - at her stupidity, innocence and vulnerability.

it’s been a few months ever since jan 2020 happened and ended, I'm thankful it resorted to where we are now - better friends than ever and having a more authentic friendship than anything we’ve had over the last few years. I'm thankful that the tears were worth it in the end, and it’s just another step to finding what God wants me to find. 

wound up in something that I'm unsure of, I now hate the phrase “I think he’s the one”, and have become incredibly skeptical of relationships. any budding romance scares me. I'm afraid of it’s potential to hurt me like it has the last few years. yet, somehow I've met someone that I'm sure of. whether it’ll be a blessing or another lesson, whether it’ll be something I take with in the far future, or something I'll look back on fondly, maybe a part of my heart is sure about him. 

the way it was unexpected, the way it was built. yes, there were the mistakes that were made, but there were also redeeming moments and things that He has been showing me. like any relationship or friendship, there’s always that trust element, that trust factor that has to happen before anything. to trust the Lord with this prized possession. 

all of a sudden, I appreciate all the love languages because he shows them all so well. he takes notes of things I appreciate, he is concerned about my well-being, he sends me long affirmations over even the smallest things, he sends me prayers I didn’t know I needed, he shows up with breakfast for the next day when he knew I wouldn’t get it for myself, he puts in the effort to try. 

he knows me at my core, he understands the depths of my heart. it is a common understanding, one that words need not be uttered. 

even if it were a passing phase, I now see that love can be beautiful. though I am still skeptical, I understand the love that people talk about, or glow when they're talking about. it is the same kind of love. 

it is the same kind of love that helps me to appreciate his flaws. it is the same kind of love that wishes to be there in sickness and in health, wishes only the best for him. it isn’t a toxic love that demands expectations and more than I can offer. it comes naturally, it is built on years of friendship, and months of getting to know a person. it is the same kind of love that I bring to the Father and ponder on, the same kind of love that leaves me on my knees before the Lord, because I want the best for him and not just myself. 

this kind of love changes you, it leaves you broken and different, it shows you how to love others before yourself. this kind of love shows you how you can be a better version of yourself. this kind of love should draw you to the Lord, and less of yourself.

I've begun to appreciate things in him that I never understood. the deeper parts, I've been wanting to know them all. I appreciate the humour that is much needed in conversations, I appreciate the way he leads me back to Christ. I appreciate our deep conversations about the Lord. I appreciate his heart that is open to accountability, his heart that is faithful and can have faith in the impossible. his heart that is incredibly humble and kind. his heart that loves first, that is growing all the more closer to Christ. I'm still in the process of learning and knowing his heart. I don’t expect myself to know it all, but maybe I want to be on this journey where I learn. 

but the most important thing is protecting this friendship. ultimately what scares me is my heart of deceit and flesh, that leads me (and maybe us) to decisions that we should not be making. I want to honour the season we’re in because I care about our friendship. because in the end, it is what matters the most. 

Lord, guide me. 

[alloftheimaginess]

Tell All

A/n: I cried when I got this request. It literally took me back to being 14 years old writing cringe fanfics on wattpad of one direction and their super stereotypical likes and dislikes lol also before I found out that black people wrote imagines so I was always reading "and Yn brushed her long blonde hair up into a messy bun and decided she looked good and was ready to go about her day, making sure she applied sunscreen because her fair skin burned easily" those were good times. Also changed it up a little reader and Harry stayed together and are in an amazing relationship because who wouldn’t want to be exclusive it’s Harry fucking styles. Also it’s my first Harry imagine so it definitely sucks lol

Warnings: a few swear words, sucky writing and probably a ton of mistakes.

"Let's welcome our guest" Lauren the host says and I run on stage and she pulls me into a big hug as everyone cheers and I hug her back, rocking us back and forth.

"Oh my god, how are you?" I ask kissing her cheek as I pull back.

"I'm so good, super glad you're here" she says.

"You and me both" I say pulling away fully and turning to the audience and I smile at them.

"And how are you all?" I ask and they all cheer so I laugh.

"That's good to hear" I say sitting down and I smile.

"So I have yet to read your book, your tell all as it has yet to come out officially. I'm hoping you could read just a little of it" she says handing me the book I sent her yesterday and I nod opening it to the chapter I want to read from.

"Keep in mind everyone, if you haven't already preordered Yn's book do it. It comes out in four days and I seen online from your official site it’s already sold out" she says and I smile at her nodding.

“Yeah but I’ve partnered with a bunch of stores so if they have books you can buy it. Also I’m donating a bunch of books” I say and she smiles.

“Really?” She asks and I nod.

“Yeah, with every book bought it’s a meal for a family so I bought out like 3 thousand copies and so that’s 3 thousand families fed and not even to mention all the copies that have been ordered from everyone. So now I have all these books and will be giving them out starting today” I say and everyone in the audience cheers.

“Sounds like you guys are actually excited so I’ll start with you” I say and they cheer even louder and I laugh.

"Ready?" She asks and I nod.

"I'm so nervous" she says giggling and I laugh.

"You're nervous, how do you think I feel? You guys are the first people besides my mom that are hearing anything from it. But the chapter I chose is called ‘Oh No I'm Pregnant’ so we’ll start there" I say and everyone starts screaming in the audience and I have to cover my ears as I laugh, even Lauren is in shock and I laugh waiting for the screams to die down.

"This isn't what I needed at all. The band is broken up, I don't know what to do with myself. We're only 21 and 20 this can not be happening" I read and she leans in smiling at me.

"I remember my thoughts. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe the break is exactly what we needed at this time so I can focus on being a mother, yes this is exactly what I need because now I can give you all of my attention" I read and the pictures of Winnie pop up on the screen and Lauren turns to look at them.

"Oh my god, she looks like Harry!" Someone screams and I giggle behind the book.

"Look at those curls" Lauren says.

"How am I going to tell him? How will he look at me. Will I just be the woman he made an accidental child with that he won't even want? Will he hate me and say it's not his? What will his family think? His family is some of my biggest supporters. We have been together for a while but we’ve never even talked about kids" I read.

"Do I tell him immediately or do I tell him later? I have all these questions and no one to help me answer them" I read flipping the page and everyone is listening while watching videos of Winnie and I, some of them from when she first started walking to now as she's almost five years old and she's in gymnastics doing flips.

"Moving past my doubt of pregnancy. This is called dedicated to Winnie" I say and everyone cheers.

"The minute I heard your heartbeat you took over my every thought. I have to be an amazing mother to you, I have to give you all that you deserve. Then I found out you were a girl. My little girl with a beating heart and I knew your name. As soon as I seen you I knew you were my little Gwyneth" I read and the video pops up of Harry playing the guitar and everyone starts cheering

"We'll be a fine. We'll be a fine line. We'll be a fine line" he sings playing the song on the guitar.

"What are we going to be?" He asks and the camera points towards Winnie who's sat in my lap.

"We'll be alright" she sings bouncing with him to the music.

"Again" he yells over the music and she giggles.

"We'll be alright" she sings through her giggles.

"Why?" He asks still playing the song.

"Because of mommy" she sings to the beat of the song and I tickle her and she giggles doubling over from laughter.

"Because of mummy" Harry sings and I smile at him.

"We'll be alright" he sings standing up and she sings with him and he kisses her head before he quickly pecks my lips and I laugh.

"Holy shit!" Lauren yells as the audience is losing their shit.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up" she says freaking out.

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry I know I'm not supposed to swear but how could I not? Did you just see that fucking video? Yn you are going to give everyone a heart attack" she says and she stares at me with wide eyes.

"I can't believe this is real" she says laughing and the audience is still losing their shit and I just laugh through all the chaos.

"You came onto this show letting us think we had the upper hand because you have to answer every question we ask but really you had all the power over us" she says.

"I'm literally crying. Play that back" she says wiping her eyes and they play it again.

"How old is she?" She asks.

"She's four. Almost five" I say.

"What's her full name?" She asks.

"Gwyneth Anne Styles" I say and she covers her face.

"After Harry’s mom? Who all knows about her?" She asks.

"Yes and my family knows, his family, the boys aka Zayn, Niall, Louis and Liam, the food delivery guy that brought me food the whole time I was pregnant from that Chinese food place, the people that help Harry with his albums so everyone in the studio. James Corden and now all of you" I say.

"Harry is a dad. Oh my gosh" she says covering her face and I hear some of the audience crying.

“So are you two like officially together?" She asks and I nod.

"Yeah" I say smiling at her.

"Like dating or marriage because after the news of a whole five year old I can't trust anything else you say" she says and I laugh.

"Just dating, I'm only 25. I'm still trying to figure myself out" I say and she laughs.

"I wouldn't believe that even for a second" she says eyeing me and I laugh.

"Good" I say.

"Good" she says back and then she pauses.

"Wait what?" She asks and I nod.

"What do you mean good?" She asks.

“Ooh that looks like it’s time” I say.

“Uh uh, I need information” she says.

“We have to move on” I say

[libraryofloveletters]

Love Story

You’ve been in love with your best friend since the day you met him. How long does it take him to realize that? 

Luke Alvez x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of divorce, alcohol and some kissing

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 2.4k

Author’s Note: First Luke fic!! hope y'all like it :)

----------

12 years old. 

That's how old you were when you met the love of your life. 

It was September 13th and it was chilly outside, you were walking home for school and you stopped to zip up your sweater. Usually your mom picks you up from school but she had to work late that day. 4 boys came running down the street towards you. “Isn't it little miss no daddy?” 

They always did this, every. single. day. Your father had left your mother for his young secretary, it was so cliche but it was true. Everyone knew, he paraded her around town like he hadn’t just walked out on you and your mother. From that day on, you kept to yourself at school and came straight home afterwards. You didn't have many friends, but not like anyone wanted to be your friend anyways. 

Ignoring them, you continued walking, hoping that your legs would carry you fast enough. “Leave her alone!” and the sound of a punch caught your attention. That’s when you first laid eyes on him, standing there in a green sweater and black sweatpants, he walked over to you. His hair was curly and brown, his eyes were a beautiful shade of brown almost mocha like and they had this look, one that gave you butterflies in your stomach. 

“I’m sorry about that, they’re so annoying” you stood there in shock. He looked like the popular kids, you wondered why was he talking to you? He waved his hand in front of your face “helloooo? anyone there?” he chuckled “Thank you” was all you could say 

“I’m Luke” 

“I’m y/n” 

Luke walked you home that day, and everyday on from then. On the walk home, you discovered that Luke lived right down the street from you and that he was a year older than you. You thanked him again for standing up for you and for walking you home. He assured you that he didn't mind and asked if you wanted to walk to school together the next day. 

By that summer, you and Luke were attached at the hip. He quickly became your friend, your best friend. He met your mother and she loved him like a son. She was so glad that you were making friends. Luke had invited you over for dinner that night, introducing you to his parents, who felt the same way about you as your mother did about Luke. 

16 years old.

That’s how old you were when you realized you loved him. 

Luke’s parents were out of town for the weekend, leaving the house all to Luke. Instead of throwing a party like a regular teenager, he invited you over for your monthly movie night. This was regular occurrence, it happened at your house mostly because your mom worked late and the two of you could watch without any interruptions but every once in a while, you’d have them at Luke’s place. 

The clock read 11:05pm and Luke begged you to spend the night with him, claiming that he didn’t want any ghosts to come for him. You warned him that watching a scary movie wasn’t a good idea but you gave in. Calling your mom and tell her you’ll be staying with Luke tonight, she told you to be safe and tell Luke hello for her. Luke headed to the kitchen and you headed up to his room to borrow something to wear for the night. You pulled off your sweater and put on his soccer jersey, it read Alvez and the numbers 07 on the back. Your back was to the door when you bent over to pull off your jeans.

“All that just for me?” He joked, his voice startling you.

“Oh my god Luke! no” You shook your head and sat on his bed.

He laughed and sat beside you, two beers in his hand. He handed you one and knocked his bottle against yours. You smiled at him as you took a sip. “So, no pants tonight?” he shifted on the bed looking at you “as long as you don't mind, it’s so hot in here” The air conditioning had broken and his dad didn't fix it yet, leaving the two of you in the hot summer heat. “Oh I never mind” he squeezed your thigh, playfully. His touch always left butterflies in your stomach 

You and Luke always had a very playfully friendship, but he was there when you needed him as you were for him. He was there for you when you got your appendix out, you were there when he cried about a bird flying into the window after getting his wisdom teeth out, he was there when you cried over your father leaving you and never looking back, you were there when he didn't know where else to go after coming home drunk. You both love joking around and acting like you were together when you weren’t. It hurt your heart to know what you could be but weren’t. You always hugged each other like it was going to be the last time you'd see the other. 

You and Luke were now laying on his bed beside each other, looking up at his ceiling. His hand rested on your thigh and your arm was flung over his chest, somewhere between laughing and drinking, his shirt had disappeared as well. You turned on your side, looking at him, he slipped his arm under you wrapping itself around your waist. Your leg was now on top on him and your head was on his chest. He wasn’t fully asleep but his eyes were closed. The moonlight slipped through the cracks in his curtains, his eyelashes fluttered against his skin, his hair dishevelled. Your hand reached up, resting on his jaw as your thumb rubbing his cheek softly. He shifted his head slightly, kissing your palm. 

“Goodnight y/n” 

Goodnight Luke”

18 years old. 

That's how old you were when Luke left. 

Luke left home the year after he graduated. He was 19 and you were 18. You remember the day he told you he enlisted, your heart dropped to your stomach. It was only basic training, he promised you that he’d be home in a few months. He returned home with the news that he was being stationed in Iraq. Your heart dropped once again. Everything began running through your mind, what if you never saw him again ? what if he dies? what if he comes home a different person? what if he forgets you? You forced yourself to stop thinking like that when truthfully, you were heartbroken. 

The morning before he left, you woke up at 6 and the two of you went for breakfast. You sat in your car, watching the sun rise together, one last time before he left, unsure if you’d get to see him again after this. He held your hand the entire time, you never wanted him to let go. You headed home with him, doubling checking he had everything. He stood on his front lawn with his parents, hugging them goodbye, he was trying his hardest not to cry. You hugged him goodbye and wished him well. You watched as he and his father pulled out of the driveway, standing there hugging his mom who was crying. you watched until you couldn't see the car anymore, praying that he comes home safely. 

22 years old. 

That’s how old you were when Luke came home. 

You stood in the airport with his parents, watching as all the soldiers reunited with their families. Luke came into sight, he started running towards his mother giving her a big hug. She started crying and you couldn't help but smile at the two of them. 

After saying hello to his parents, he came over to you, he picked you up and spun you around while hugging you. He put you down, the two of you stood there, arms wrapped around each other with no intention of letting go. Pulling away slightly, you looked at him taking in that he was standing in front of you again. He kissed your forehead, pulling you closer to him. 

“I missed you so much” you mumbled, face in his chest 

“I missed you so much, you don't even understand” 

23 years old

That’s how old you were when Luke kissed you for the first time. 

“Do you really have to go?” You sat on his bed folding a pile of t-shirts, he sighed at your question. “Yes I do, the F.B.I offered me a position has a head hunter, do you know how lucky I am to get that?” you put the shirts in the box, listening to him ramble about how great the job is going to be. You helped him carry the boxes down to his car. He had furnished his apartment right after he bought it. The two of you had spent the past few months driving back and forth to D.C to get his apartment ready. 

He was ready to head out and you found yourself in the some position you did when he left for Iraq. You watched as he said hugged his parents goodbye, trying his hardest to pull away from his crying mother because she didn't want to let him go. He walked over to you and pulled you into a hug. 

“I don't want you to go” you looked at him hoping he’ll change his mind and stay. 

“I have to go, you know this” 

His parents stepped past the two of you, saying that they would be back in a few minutes with something for him. The two of you stood there, in each other’s arms, his hands cupping your faces and your arms wrapped around his waist. He leaned down and kissed you. You kissed him back.

You couldn't believe it was finally happening. Pulling away breathlessly, he pulled you back into a hug, your face in his chest. His parents came back out with a huge photo frame. There were moments from your life together, a picture of your first playdate that your mom had taken, pictures from your prom and high school graduation, a picture of the 4 of you the day he left for Iraq and the day he came back, as well as one of the 2 of you cuddled on the couch asleep. 

25 years old. 

That’s how old you were when you moved to D.C and confessed your love

He knocked on your door, standing outside with a bottle of champagne and pizza. A little tradition of yours, you’d do it whenever either of you had a milestone. You did it when he bought his apartment, only fitting he did it with you. “Who is it?” you called out from the other side of the door “it’s me!” You opened the door, pulling him into a hug. He shut the door and came in placing the box and bottle on your coffee table. You walked to the kitchen to get two glasses, only to realize it’s too high up for you to reach. It was like Luke had read your mind, hearing his footsteps approach the kitchen. 

“Is that my jersey?” he stood there looking at you. 

You didn't even notice that you had taken it home with you after you slept over and never returned it. 

“Does it have your name on it?” you questioned him sarcastically. He laughed, shaking his head. “I thought I lost that, but here you are wearing it 9 years later”

“Anyways can you reach the glasses ?” you jumped to show him that you couldn't reach it, the jersey lifting as you jumped. “Still no pants huh? it’s like we’re teenagers again” he laughed. You looked down to see that he was right, you had just gotten out the shower when he knocked on the door, not realizing you opened the door without pants. He took two glasses down and the two of you headed to the living room. 

Half a box of pizza and a whole bottle of champagne later, you and Luke were cuddled up on your couch. His arm was around your shoulder and your head was on his shoulder. 

“I love you” 

“I love you too Luke” this was something you had been telling each other since you were young, you didn't think much of it. 

“No, I mean it. I’m in love with you, I always have been. I don't know why it took me so long to tell you but I love you” 

You sat there, you knew how you felt but you weren't sure how you could put it into words. “This is stupid, I’m sorry. Forget I said anything” he stood up as did you. 

“It’s not stupid. I love you. I always have. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one for me. You stood up for me, that's something no one had ever done for me. My heart broke when you left for training, my heart broke when you left for Iraq. I didn't know what I would do if I lose you. You came home and left me again to come to D.C and I was happy for you. I really was but it hurt me to see you leave again. God why do you think I took the job here? I couldn't stand being away from you anymore.” you confessed everything to him. 

27 years old. 

That’s how old you were when you married your best friend. 

After your late night confessions 2 years ago, you and Luke began dating. 

Today was September 13th and you’re getting married to the love of your life today. It was only fitting you got married the same day you met. Today was much like the day you had met Luke, it was chilly outside and the leaves on the  trees were different shades of orange, yellow and brown. 

You and Luke stood at the alter smiling at each other, hand in hand.

“I do” he slipped the ring onto your finger 

“I do” you mirrored his actions. 

“I pronunce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride” Luke didn't hesitate to pull you in for a kiss. 

And just like that, another chapter to your love story has come to an end. 

[winchesterfanatic1967]

Nobody Knows Me Like My Baby Part 2

Pairings: Dean x AU Reader

Word Count: 2,614 

Warnings: None 

Read Part 1 here

Dean Winchester is hellbent on revenge. His father John Winchester was a well respected cop in the neighborhood, and he’d been assassinated by a man named James Y/L/N. He tries to get to him by getting close to his daughter, Y/N. But the past comes a knockin’, and the truth is revealed and in the process people get hurt.

I couldn’t help but check y/n out as she walked a little ahead of me. Damn, I didn’t expect her to be so beautiful. When we approached baby she gasped in excitement. 

“This is yours?!” 

“Yup. She’s my baby.”

“She’s beautiful! Oh my gosh I love her.”

“I like a girl who has good taste in cars.” I couldn’t help but grin. 

“I’m honored to even sit in her.” She said as I turned up the radio. 

“So where would you like to eat?”

“There’s this really good diner that has the best burgers.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

I smiled a little as she softly sang along to the radio. A girl with good taste in cars and music? Too bad this is just temporary. We walked into the diner, and it was just starting to pack with people. 

“Hey Y/n!” 

“Hey Jody! How have you been?” She asked politely. 

“Doing well, doing well. Who’s this handsome guy?”

“My new friend from school! Dean Winchester, meet Jody Mills the owner of this fine establishment.”

“Nice to meet you.” I said politely. 

“You as well. Come on you two, let’s get you a booth.”

We followed her to a booth more in the corner, and we sat across from each other.

“I don’t need a menu Jody. I’m getting my usual.”

“You need a minute to look Dean?”

“Nah, I’ll just get the double bacon cheeseburger with a beer please.”

“You got it.” She said as she grabbed our menus and walked into the kitchen. I looked at Y/n, and she smiled at me with her gorgeous lips. I smiled back at her. 

“So, I really am sorry for today.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It was an accident and I’ve had a long and frustrating weekend. So I’m sorry if i acted like a bit of a diva.”

“Nah, you had every right to be annoyed.”

“Well it’s squashed, we’re good.” 

“Okay, sounds good. So tell me about yourself? How old are you? What’s your favorite color?”

“Well, I’m 25. I live at home with my father.  My mother passed away a few years ago, cancer. My birthday is y/b/d, I love animals, my favorite color is pink.”

“Typical girl.” I said playfully and rolled my eyes. 

“Hey! Your turn now.”

“I’m 26. My mother passed away as well, but in a house fire when I was 4 years old. My dad passed away a few months back. He was a cop, so he was killed in the line of duty.” I cleared my throat, “My birthday is January 24th, and my favorite color is red.” 

 “I’m sorry about your parents Dean. I know what it’s like to lose a parent, it sucks.”

“Yeah. Especially all the “I’m here for you.” and “If you need anything you know you can call me, and then you don’t hear from them until the next funeral.”

She scoffed, “I hate that. The fake sympathies and sorrows. Everyone looks at you like you’re some broken toy that can’t be fixed.”

“Yeah, I can relate to that.” And the thing is, I actually could. This girl is a good listener, and a good person to vent to. Jody came over with our food, and we both said thank you and started to eat. 

“Mmmm, oh my god you were right. These burgers are the best.” I moaned in delight.

“I know right? You should listen to me always.” She giggled, wiping her mouth with her napkin. 

“Well, you have good taste in cars. Good taste in music, and good taste in food. Want to get married?” I asked jokingly and she let out a beautiful laugh. 

“God yes. Let’s go to Vegas.”

“My type of girl.” I said teasingly. 

“So Dean, what are you studying?”

“Well, I have a confession to make.”

“What’s that?” She asked in confusion.

“I’m not really a student.”

“Then what are you doing at the University?”

“Well, I’m a cop. I’m undercover because there’s a suspect at your school that we’ve been trying to catch for a while now.” I actually felt bad lying to this girl, she’s been nothing but kind to me but I had a job to do. 

“Oh wow. Well you be careful then.”

“I always am.” 

“So what was your dad like?”

“My dad?” I asked, shocked.

“Yeah, you said he was a cop. Is that why you became a cop? Follow in his footsteps?”

I didn’t say anything for a moment, and she sighed smacking herself in her forehead.

“I’m sorry, I do this thing where I ask too many nosey questions that I have no business asking when I’m curious.”

“No! It’s ok. I don’t mind. No, I didn’t become a cop to follow in his footsteps. I did it because there’s a lot of crap in this world, and there’s so many people who deserve to be helped. My dad died doing what he loved, and I hope I can say the same one day.” I say honestly. My dad loved being a cop, and he loved to help people. 

“My dad was a great cop. Everybody in my community loved him.” I said. 

“I’m sure I would've liked him.” She said softly. 

“How about your dad? What does he do for a living?”

“He’s a businessman. Leverage buyouts, land developments, casinos, things like that.” 

“Hmm, that sounds interesting.”

“It is. He’s very into his work. He buried himself into it after my mom passed though. Truthfully, it gets lonely sometimes.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“Nope, I’ve always wanted a little brother though. How about you?”

“I have a younger brother named Sam. He’s a lawyer.”

“Is he married?” 

“About to be. His fiance's name is Jessica, she’s a good girl for him.” 

“Hopefully I can meet them someday.���

“Well, what are you doing tonight?”

“I don’t think I’m doing anything. Why do you ask?”

“Well If you’re interested, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tonight? Me you, Sam and Jessica?”

“Only if I pay.” 

“Oh no sweetheart, not happening.”

“Well then I’m not coming.” She said with a teasing tone.

“I was raised to treat my women like a princess.”

“Fine. But let me pay for the next date.” 

“Oh so this is a date now?” I say playfully. 

She just giggled, and a blush crept up on her cheeks when she realized what had slipped out. Why is this girl so adorable? 

“But yes, if it means that much to you then you can pay for the next one.”

“Okay.” 

“Well, are you ready to get going?”

“Yes.”

We left the diner, and I drove her back to campus. I couldn’t help but watch her, she amazed me in such a small time span. She was definitely my type of girl. We had the same taste in everything so far, and she’s confident in herself. She’s gorgeous, and her laugh is contagious. 

“So where are you taking me tonight?” She interrupted my thoughts. 

“I was thinking of this little italian place that I love. I order takeout from them all the time. If you like italian food?”

“I love italian.” 

“Great, so I’ll pick you up at 6? And then we can meet them there?”

“Sounds great. Let me see your phone.”

I handed her my phone, and she typed her number in. I smiled as she placed a heart next to her contact name. 

“I’ll see you tonight Dean.” 

“See you tonight y/n.”

She leaned in, and kissed me on my cheek. We exchanged shy smiles as she went to her car. Damn, this was not supposed to be happening. I called Sam, and explained to him what’s been going on.

“Dean, this is so wrong. You’re playing with this girl's feelings. It’s not right.”

“I’m not playing with her feelings.”

“You’re using her for a vendetta, Dean. It’s not ok.”

“Yeah, but I need to bust James L/N. She doesn’t have to know.”

He just sighed behind the other line, and I could practically feel him shake his head in annoyance. 

“What time is dinner?”

I rang the doorbell, and looked around with my hands in my pockets. Y/n lived in a mansion, her family was definitely wealthy. She probably doesn’t have a clue about the shady shit her dad is involved in. She’s a sweet girl, and the circumstances suck. The door swung open, and a man stood there with a crooked brow. 

“And you are?”

“Dean sir. I’m here to pick up Y/n.”

“Dean! Hey dad, this is my date tonight. Dean Winchester.” Y/n said as she came around the corner. 

“Winchester. That last name sounds familiar. Any relation to John?”

“I’m his son.” 

I knew right then and there that he knew who I was. I gave him a hard smile, and we were having a stare down. Y/n cleared her throat breaking me out of my trance. 

“Ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Bye daddy.” She said as she kissed his cheek and we continued to stare each other down.”

“Have fun honey.”

I opened the passenger door for her, and she slipped in. I climbed into the driver's seat and she turned to me.

“Do you know each other?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“Well, he knew your dad.”

“I’ve never met him y/n.”

She let it go, and we drove in silence to the restaurant. 

“I’m sorry Dean, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“That’s ok, I would be curious too. My dad was a known cop, they probably knew each other from the neighborhood or something. Maybe they went to school together.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

I pulled into the parking lot, and I noticed Sam’s car. He was always early. I held my arm out for her to take, and she linked her arm with mine. We walked inside and I spotted Sam and Jess sitting at a table waiting. He waved us down and we made our way over to the table. 

“Hey Sammy, Jess.” I said as I gave them each a hug before turning to Y/n.

“Guys, this is Y/n. My new friend. Y/n, this is my brother Sam and his fiancee Jessica.” 

“Nice to meet you both.” Y/n said politely, shaking both of their hands. 

“You too.” They both said nicely. 

“Order whatever you want y/n.” I whispered in her ear and she smiled before agreeing. 

“Okay.”

The four of us talked, and laughed. I don’t think I’ve been this happy in a long time to be honest. I’ve been so revenge driven and angry that I stopped doing fun things.

“So Dean really spilt coffee all over you?”

“Yup, all over my new white shirt. I was so mad at him, but he’s cute so I guess that makes up for it.”

I laughed a little, as Sam and Jess laughed at her joke. She really was something else. I could tell Jess liked her, and she was making a great impression on Sam. I hated that this was all a facade. 

“So what are you studying in school Y/n?” Sam asked. 

“Oh I’m studying to be a veterinarian, I love animals so much.”

“Me too, I love dogs. I’ve been trying to convince Sammy here to get me a german shepherd.” She said teasingly as he smiled.

“Come on Sammy, make your girl happy.” I said teasingly. 

“Really? I’m being ganged up on? He let out a laugh. 

“Well Y/n, you seem to have an impact on Dean. I haven’t seen a smile on his face in months.” Jess says. 

“Well he makes me smile too. I’ve only known him for a short time, but I haven’t laughed this much in a while.” She confessed and I instantly felt awful. 

When she wasn’t looking, Jessica shot a glare at me, along with Sam. I couldn’t blame them, this is a fucked up situation. But I wanted to see the son of a bitch behind bars. I wouldn’t let him get away with all the shit he’s done. I feel bad that I’m pulling Y/n into my screwed up life when it’s not even her fault. She’s done nothing wrong. 

“Dean, can I speak to you outside?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah. I’ll be right back sweetheart.” I said to her. 

“Okay.” She says sweetly. 

Sam and I walked outside, and I instantly started getting a lecture. 

“This is cruel Dean, you’re using this poor girl. She’s got nothing to do with this. She likes you, I can tell. You’ve got to stop.” He says.

“I can’t Sammy. I can’t let dad rest in peace until the scumbag is put behind bars.”

“And how do you think she will feel when you’re the reason he’s put away Dean? She’s going to find out that this is all a game to you. If you don’t want to hurt her then you need to detach yourself. It’s not fair.” 

“If she doesn’t find out, then she won’t get hurt. Shut your mouth Sam.” I said. 

Without saying anything more, I walked back inside the restaurant. Y/n and Jess were laughing hysterically about something, and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Hey ladies. What’s so funny?”

“Oh nothing.”

“Yeah, just girl stuff.” Y/n said, still giggling.

“I don’t even want to know.” I said teasingly. 

“Well, we’re gonna head out. See you soon Dean?” Sam says.

“Yeah, see you soon little brother.” I said as I gave him a hug, then Jess.

“It was really nice to meet you both.” Y/n said as they gave her each a hug.

“Yeah, we’ll have to do this again sometime.” Jess says.

“Yes, it’s been a long time since i’ve had this much fun.” Y/n says.

I drove Y/n home in silence, and about 10 minutes into the car ride I felt her hand reach over and hold mine. I glanced over and she was staring out the window, hiding her smile.

I grabbed her hand tighter, and smiled to myself. I couldn’t deny the butterflies in my stomach, this girl was really tugging at my heartstrings. I pulled in front of her house, before turning to her. 

“I had a really great time tonight sweetheart.”

“I did too, Dean. Thank you so much for lunch, and for dinner.”

“You’re welcome. We have to do this again.”

“How about tomorrow, we can have a picnic at the park?” 

“Sounds great.” I say honestly. 

“Great. It’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

We looked at eachother, and she glanced at my lips before leaning in. I closed the gap between us kissing her soft lips. Her hands made their way to the back of my head and she ran her fingers through my hair. I moaned in satisfaction as I placed my hand on her waist. 

She pulled away, smiling. Her cheeks were tinted pink and I grinned back at her. 

“See you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.” 

“Okay, goodnight Dean.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.” I say softly. She gets out of the car and makes her way to the house. Before going inside she turned around and waved at me. I waved back and she went inside. I’m falling for this girl, and that wasn’t the plan. 

SERIES MASTERLIST

[crayonurchin]

I’m in a weird spot right now.

Mentally, I am in a lot of pain.

My ptsd is... a lot.

My OCD doesn’t ever stop. It’s exhausting.

I might be transgender. I might have Transgender OCD. I have no idea. All I know is I woke up one morning and the thought I might not be a woman robbed me of everything feminine that I’ve loved so much, all the comforts of being a woman, even all the progress of loving my body I fought tooth and nail against an eating disorder to gain. Gone. Gone in a day. I’ve enjoying my gender for 25 years, and now I’m just... stuck. Stuck in a strange limbo of uncertainty and pain. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but none of it is good, none of it is relief it’s just pain and sadness and God I don’t know why this happened.

I am 25. That’s so young. But I’m terrified I’ve lived too long already to not be further. I’m afraid to confront that because what if I lose sight of all I’ve already achieved? All my progress and success. What if I’m doing things wrong? What if I am just. Wrong.

I’m fighting every single day to keep going forward. I can say even on my worst days, and this year I have had BAD days, that I always try to do the best thing for me. Sometimes that’s just, eating some food and drinking water. if I see I’ve not done it, I will do it. 

I will not be robbed of my chance to live a long, happy, healthy and wonderful life. I REFUSE to let that be kept from me by illness.

But it is just a lot. And nobody can help me but myself. That’s the lonely bit.

I am a lucky person. I live in a good home. I have a close family. My dad is just about the best person on earth. I have a best friend I can rely on. I have friends online and in real life who I know will help me if I ask for it- or will hang with me. My therapist has done incredible things that have changed my life forever. I have good physical health. I’m talented, determined, passionate.

But I am also very, very ill. And I have been ill for a very long time now, even if I didn’t know it. Developing OCD at 12 and still having it at 25 is upsetting. Sometimes it feels like there’s an element of life I’m being kept from by this. A happier, less stressed, less sad side of life. One that everyone things I'm a part of because I’m right beside them, but not one I’m actively experiencing. 

When I was 16, I told myself I would never be mentally ill. And now, it feels like all I am is mentally ill. I want to be happy again- a real kind of happy. One I don’t have to fight for, or force, or fake and hope I make.

I’ve told myself I’m broken for a long time. That there’s a little me that’s normal deep down inside, but she’s covered in a dark shadowy static, totally encased in all the darkness and pain, and the only reason nobody else can see that is because I craft a careful skin on top of the static, because I don’t want people to think that’s who I am. I want people to think I’m the person I want to be. I want to be that person...

My therapist is encouraging my to change that language, to CHOOSE it to be different. Because I know I'm not broken. All the things I am are just me. And yes, I have hated myself for years, but that doesn’t mean I’m hatable, it doesn’t mean anything.

I am Jess Butcher. I am a 25 year old woman, and if I’m not that’s okay. I like spicy food and sour flavours. I list colours to calm down. I paint my nails because I like painted nails. I find people amazing gifts. I compliment strangers on tiny things because I love making people smile. I make characters and stories and huge worlds and I can share them with people. A couple months ago I was having suicidal ideation and I did a 5 hour party for 6 children, and those children all loved it and I was happy they did. I’ve spent thousands on therapy because I am worth the effort. I have cried an ocean of tears all because you have to feel it to heal it. I refuse to avoid my pain because I don’t deserve to hold it in, I deserve to laugh and to love and to enjoy every little part of our little blue dot. I love women, I love their beautiful bodies and incredible brains and gorgeous voices and the way their soft arms wrap so warmly around you. I’m full of so much potential and words I don’t have right now because it’s late. It’s late and I have work in the morning and all day I have been trying to live in the moment but I’ve been in so much pain. It hurts so much and I don’t know when it’s going to stop but it’s GOING to stop. Not because it magically went away but because I worked hard to overcome it. Nothing will ever stop me from that. NOTHING. Not even my own mind.

Because I am me.

And that’s incredible. 

[wherethingscomebackx]

Top 25 Larry fics of 2019

It’s that time again!

You may be familiar with these lists:

Top 25 Larry fics of 2016

Top 25 Larry fics of 2017

Top 25 Larry fics of 2018

As always, I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is Larry. I like making lists and I like Larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2019 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out! 

25.) Foolishy Laying Our Hearts on the Table by @runaway-train-works (11k)

“You think Harry wants that?”

“Dunno. Maybe. Wanna make him happy.” Harry takes advantage of the red light he’s pulled up to turn and look properly at Louis’ face. He’s not even looking in Harry’s direction though, focused instead on something out of his side window, head drooped, mindlessly playing with the string of his hoodie between his fingers, lost in his own world somewhere. For some reason, it makes Harry’s spine straighten.

“Because he’s your best mate?” Harry questions carefully.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

He couldn’t have heard him right. “What?”

Louis releases a deep breath, still not turning around. Harry wonders who he thinks he’s talking to right now. “He’s so pretty. Want to kiss him all day long. And buy him a big house and give him presents and marry him.”

Or

The one where Harry is in love with his best friend Louis but doesn't think he stands a chance until some wisdom teeth and a rather unusual confession might just change his mind.

24.) Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanydreamers (126k)

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

23.) all we can do is keep breathing by @avocadolouie (310k)

“Harry, I-I’m so sorry…” Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis’ soul, it’s so hard, nearly impossible.

That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself.

But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty “I’m so sorry” that doctors throw out in self-preservation, isn’t at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it.

--

a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together.

22.) Raise a Glass to the Four of Us by @2tiedships2 (25k)

Louis stared at his luggage.

Well. Apparently not his luggage, because the clothing he was looking at currently was a: worth more than everything he currently possessed, b: not his size at all, and c: more suited for a fancy ass lawyer than a holiday in NYC with his best mates.

“Ooh, nice loafers,” Niall said as he pulled one out of the suitcase. “I love the rainbows.”

“Okay,” Liam began. “What do you want to do first? Eat, shop for new clothes, or spend hours on the phone with the airline?”

Louis continued to stare at the luggage.

21.) You Have to Retreat to Advance by @2tiedships2 (18k)

“What am I going to do, Perrie? I can’t go on this retreat by myself. My boss literally said he wants to meet my omega.” Harry paused. “Okay, not literally but he definitely expects me to be bringing him.”

“Don’t people go on these things by themselves?” Perrie asked.

Harry shrugged. “Of course but that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“My boss is expecting to meet my omega! I don’t have an omega!”

“Is this a paying gig?” Perrie asked.

“You mean paying an omega to spend the weekend with me? I’m sure the resort has nice amenities. Does that count?”

“I take that as a no,” Perrie said with an eye roll. “It’s okay, Louis might be willing to do it for free.”

“Who’s Louis?”

Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

20.) A Darker Shade of Love by LittleSpoonStyles94 (750k)

Louis is a 30 year old multi-billionaire with a very dark past. He is violent and is a sadist with a taste for pain. Harry Styles is a 19 year old student who sets out to London after being kicked out by his homophobic father to follow his dreams. He wants to go to the best University to study but he needs a lot of money so he starts to work as a part time stripper at a gay club to support his studies and his life. The club he works at, Garland's, is part owned by Louis Tomlinson. When they meet, its life changing for the both of them.

19.) You Still Make Sense to Me by @amories (37k)

Harry, Louis, and their family navigate life together through the years.

18.) Like Water Over Fire (Like Water On Fire) by @mcssymon (119k)

“I’m sorry your highness, I think I misheard you, did you really say that you are hoping to meet your husband?” Oh god, Louis panicked. Was Prince Harry gay? Was he even allowed to be gay? Surely he wouldn’t be allowed to have a selection from a group of men, right?

Prince Harry looked partly like he wanted to laugh, but also very, very nervous about what he had just admitted, “Yes, sir, you heard correctly”

Or Prince Harry has 46 men and 13 weeks to find the husband of his dreams, Louis has a limited amount to time to live out a royal fantasy. They might just be exactly what the other needs.

17.) waiting for the tides to meet by @nauticalleeds (59k)

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

16.) Call Answered by @vondrostes (249k)

The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

15.) Counterbalance by @louandhazaf (44k)

Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

14.) Everywhere and Nowhere by @2tiedships2 (16k)

Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food."

"What has he given you?" Liam asked.

Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though."

"Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school."

"What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?"

"I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you."

Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

13.) Swallow The Knife by whoknows (76k)

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

12.) and oh, all of your saturdays could end up in woe by ihavetoomuchfreetime (70k)

a fic in which louis' in a long-term relationship with an abusive asshole, niall, zayn and liam are so far but not really, and harry is that all too friendly guy who works in sainsbury's.

11.) thinking about the t-shirt you slept in by @absoloutenonsense (52k)

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

10.) Consequences by @allwaswell16 (78k)

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

9.) Strawberries & Cigarettes by @dimpled-halo (76k)

Harry looks up and immediately freezes. Next to Ms. Archie stands the boy from just the other day. The boy with the leather jacket and chipped black nails, that might or might not be sketched in the very book Harry has just placed on the table in front of him. The leather jacket is missing today, probably because they aren’t allowed as part of their required uniform attire, but Harry can still see the fading black nail polish on his nails, and eyeliner around his eyes. Harry’s mouth goes a little dry. This boy is so intriguing to him.

“Ye-yes, Ms. Archie?” Harry tries to play it cool, but he’s almost positive that his cheeks are burning red, and he’s relieved neither of them can tell how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

The boy seems to also recognize Harry, because his lips curve into a knowing smirk.

“Harry is at the top of his class. He’s your best bet at getting familiar with things around here.” She explains.

Louis nods, his smirk still very prominent on his face. “Thank you Ms. Archie. I’ll be sure to take advantage of young Harold here.”

*

Summary: Two stories, eleven years, and the two boys that never stopped loving each other.

8.) Pain makes people change by Deidei (113k)

An organization called Canis Lupus existed solely for changing humans imprisoned in their wolf form back to their human form. Some people after experiencing some traumatic event can only ‘’protect’’ themselves from the pain by forgetting everything. To do that, to feel safe, they shift into their wolf form.

Which they'll be stuck in forever should no one intervene.

Louis Tomlison went through a traumatic experience at the age of twelve in which he lost his mother, to make the pain go away he shifted into a wolf and fled. He survived in the wild as a wolf for five years until Canis Lupis caught him... Though he wasn't alone, he had a pup at his side.

7.) Pretty Please (With Sugar On Top) by @angelichl (113k)

Harry is a sugar baby omega who cons rich alphas for a living. Louis is a rich alpha with too much self-control.

6.) Enemies with benefits by ssii8 (267k)

Where Harry is captain of basketball team and Louis is captain of football team and they hate each other. But somehow this doesn't stop them from having sex.

And everything is perfect until they start to feel something more.

5.) Ready To Fall by whoknows (21k)

“Ninety and rising,” Nick says triumphantly, as though making Harry’s heartbeat pick up by thrusting an obscenely attractive person in front of his face is any kind of success. “Louis Tomlinson has just walked into our control room and suddenly our dear Harry Styles has lost all ability to speak. Could this be some kind of strange coincidence?”

“I hate you,” Harry hisses, forcing his eyes back into Nick’s direction, uncaring that the mic must have picked it up. “I thought we agreed that you were going to play fair.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick denies, except he’s holding up a picture of Louis’ face now, sharp cheekbones prominent, soft lashes nearly sweeping against his cheeks as he looks down, and his fucking mouth –

“A hundred and two!” Nick crows, all but clapping his hands together in glee. “The highest it’s ever been!”

“To be fair, I did bend over the desk on purpose,” Louis’ voice comes crackling in the headphones. Harry practically breaks his neck whipping his head around at the sound of it, gaping at him through the glass panel. “You can’t really blame him for getting a little excited about that, can you?”

4.) Close to Nowhere by @angelichl (34k)

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

3.) Play Pretend, Find a Friend? by @angelichl (40k)

They had to pull back for air. Louis surveyed the guy’s face, in awe of his blown pupils and sharp jawline, the way their shared spit glistened on his lips.

“Hi,” he breathed. He blinked, and came back to himself a little bit, blushing at his own boldness. “Sorry. Is this okay?”

The stranger removed his right hand from the curve of Louis’ waist in order to cup his jaw, tilting it up to the angle he desired. He pressed their lips together, murmuring, “Definitely.” And then he kissed harder.

When Louis sees his ex-boyfriend kissing a random girl at a party, he acts out of blind jealousy. He kisses the first guy he can find. It turns into a thing.

INSPIRED BY CLOUDS.

2.) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat by @angelichl (34k)

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

1.) All My Colours by IceQueenRia (267k)

Green… yellow… red. Red! RED!!!

Some people were born Dominant and others submissive. Sixteen year old Louis Tomlinson was a submissive and was proud to be so… until he was forced to his knees for the first time. The man before him was every subs nightmare, an abusive Dom, the kind who didn’t believe in the colour ‘red’ unless it was in the form of blood.

There were others, but Louis was the ‘favourite’ and he was the one the Dom liked to ‘play with’ the most. In fact, when the rescue team arrived, Louis was the one currently providing ‘service’ to the Dom.

Or

Louis, Zayn and Niall are abused subs. Liam Payne is their devoted new Guidance Counsellor who just wants to make Niall smile and hear Zayn speak. As for Louis, he knows his guidance won’t be enough to help the boy heal. No, Louis Tomlinson needs something very special and very specific. He needs Harry Styles.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Past Aizawa/Mandalay

Word Count: 1,921 Words

Summary: Hitoshi and Katsuki's birthday.

Warnings: Period Mention, Menstruation Mention, Food Mention, Nightmare Mention, Death Mention, Cursing, Caps, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison   Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 7

6:25 AM

Existence Is A Prison

pure: It's a birthday! That means birthday breakfasts are in order!

life is a nightmare: Kiyo made everyone yakisoba buns with enoki and I made soup dumplings to celebrate.

farmer toshi: You two are so sweet, thank you.

deku deck-you: Thanks, girls.

pure: No problem!

saviour: I will not be attending class today. I will not be leaving my room today.

feral cat dad: What's wrong?

saviour: Painful period. Dysphoria. Hate living.

feral cat dad: I'm sorry, kid. I'll tell Vlad you're dehydrated and have Nemuri take care of you, she'll know more than me, but I'll bring a hot water bottle, food, and some company for you in the meantime.

saviour: Thank you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: I am the father collective here, it's only fair I parent my child.

8:30  AM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20: I'm recording the classes for you so you don't miss anything, Ibara, dear.

saviour: Thank you, Seiko.

nat20: Not a problem, love. I don't want to see you falling behind when you don't deserve to. I mean, it's surely not your fault uterus' exist.

saviour: You're amazing.

nat20: I know.

12:45 PM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: I'm bringing over lunch, Ibara.

saviour: You're all too nice to me. I shouldn't even be in bed still.

schrodinger better run: Ibara, honey, we're nice because we care about you. You deserve to rest this off and see when you feel better. There's no rushing yourself. I'm sure that, once you rest up a bit, Recovery Girl can help 'heal' the cramps or at least tone them down a bit.

saviour: Still, thank you. All of you.

2:04 PM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: I think this is hilarious, personally.

nat20: What's even happening over in 1-A, you guys have been yelling and all for like ten minutes.

gay salt: birthdayboysinbirthdayhats.jpg

gay salt: Shinsou had to come deliver something to Mr. Aizawa from Mr. Snipe's class and now everyone is questioning Kats and Hito if they're twins and Midoriya's trying to chill everyone out. Really, you should be here, Seiko.

nat20: They are twins. I mean, practically, yes, they are.

ranch flavored jello: I know, it's great. The best part is that everyone is in such a heated debate about it.

feral cat dad: I have no clue what's even happening but I'm not gonna stop this unless Katsuki or Hitoshi says something.

foil-mecha: ourclassrightnow.jpg

schrodinger better run: Todoroki, please. It's not that deep, man.

foil-mecha: I don't think he cares, honestly.

nat20: I heard more screaming. Vlad King is starting to get concerned.

foil-mecha: They said they are twins and Midoriya's trying to ask why Katsuki's mother cheated on his father. This is the funniest thing, honestly.

3:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: Okay, I found the 2006 First Year Sports Festival and I just need you all to see Mr. Aizawa as our age.

gay salt: younglankyaizawamidbattlewithtensei.jpg

foil-mecha: Mr. Aizawa, you were tiny.

feral cat dad: To be fair, I was an idiot kid and didn't eat well until like a week prior to that Sports Festival.

ranch flavored jello: I'll punt kick you, Dad.

feral cat dad: Yeah, yeah, I know. I started eating better after that, I promise.

gay salt: lankyaizawatakingdowntensei.jpg

nat20: Mr. Aizawa was a strong little stringbean.

feral cat dad: If you call me a stringbean again, I'll make you do garbage duty for a month.

nat20: That's normal, Father Collective.

feral cat dad: Curse these children being functional human beings.

President Megaphone: At least we know they clean up after each other and themselves.

President Megaphone: Plus, you were a stringbean, Shouta, so it's a fair statement.

deku deck-you: Wait, I just realized Mr. Aizawa told us he was divorced.

gay salt: Oh yeah, he did and nobody even questioned it!

ranch flavored jello: To be fair, we were busy introducing ourselves.

feral cat dad: Yeah, I was married for a while after high school. Maybe a year, I think.

President Megaphone: 10 months and 17 days from December 2010 to October 2011. I still think it's funny you didn't even spend one birthday married.

farmer toshi: Dad, what happened!?

feral cat dad: Well, you see, I had pressure put on me to get married to a girl I knew because we both weren't out yet as gay and lesbian, respectively, and we both realized during our marriage that it wasn't working so we went through a mutual divorce and are still friends.

President Megaphone: Yeah, Shouta and Sosaki are friends.

life is a nightmare: Shino Sosaki? Mandalay from the Wild Wild Pussycats?

feral cat dad: The one and only.

life is a nightmare; Wow.

9:52 PM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: Dating sucks.

feral cat dad: Why, what's up, Pony?

schrodinger better run: My gf broke up with me because she realized I'm actually in Japan. I mean, I told her a hundred times but she never believed me that I was going international. for high school.

deku deck-you: Eh, the trash got rid of itself from what it sounds like.

schrodinger better run: I mean, I'm kind of happy because she never really liked me for more than just saying she was dating a cute girl but I also feel bad about being happy that we're broken up.

ranch flavored jello: Ice cream and cry?

schrodinger better run: Thank you, Toru, it's much appreciated.

2:26 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Hey, dad?

feral cat dad: Yes?

farmer toshi: Can I sleep in your room?

feral cat dad: Yeah, sure, come on. Don't let the cats out.

farmer toshi: You're not even gonna ask me why?

feral cat dad: Should it matter?

farmer toshi: Well, I don't think so. I just don't want to have another nightmare but usually the caregivers at the orphanage would ask for a good reason.

feral cat dad: Well, you don't need one with me. Just don't let the cats out is my only request. Ai has figured out how to open the kitchen door and will get lost on UA grounds again.

farmer toshi: Kumo is staring at me while I open the door.

feral cat dad: Yeah, he's like that. Just ignore him, focus more of keeping Ai from making a break for it.

farmer toshi: Alright.

11:04 AM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Alright, I was going through you kids' files during my free period and Tsunotori, your birthday is today.

schrodinger better run: Oh, I don't like celebrating my birthday. I haven't celebrated it since I was six.

feral cat dad: Why, what happened?

schrodinger better run: My cousin from my biological family made fun of my feet, we got in a fight, and I couldn't explain to defend myself so I got grounded and wasn't allowed to celebrate my birthday so I just haven't celebrated it since then.

feral cat dad: Is there still a day we can celebrate with you that isn't today?

schrodinger better run: I like celebrating my adoption date as my new birthday. October 7th.

feral cat dad: I'll put a reminder for that.

saviour: Wait, are you putting all of our birthdays as reminders?

feral cat dad: Perhaps.

7:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

foil-mecha: I'm going to the convenience store before school for breakfast in class because I want sandos and energy drinks. Anyone else want? Say yes.

feral  cat dad: YES.

foil-mecha: Are you okay? You responded in like one second.

feral cat dad: I'm just realizing I like someone and I'm suffering.

gay salt: Please.

nat20: Yes.

farmer toshi: Two redbulls and anything with egg, please.

saviour: Fruit if it's there.

pure: Yes.

schrodinger better run: Yes, I'm so hungry.

life is a nightmare: Ham is preferred, please and thank you.

ranch flavored jello: Yes, food.

deku deck-you: Yes, please.

foil-mecha: Everyone will receive redbulls and sandos.

8:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

foil-mecha: I got held up, there was a villain attack right outside the store when I got there. I'm with food and drink and on my way back.

feral cat dad: I've already written you a pass, it's taped to the wall just inside the gate, have fun delivering food to Hitoshi.

8:25 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Tokoyami is a god.

farmer toshi: tworedbullsandthreesandos.jpg

nat20: Wow, he likes you.

foil-mecha: Oh, I got three for everyone. I just grabbed a bunch so everyone can pick.

nat20: Be careful at 1b, Mr. Kan is one of those 'bring something for yourself, share it with everyone' type of teachers.

foil-mecha: And I'll tell him to fuck off because us dorm kids didn't eat breakfast this morning.

deku deck-you: Yeah, our poor stove is dead.

ranch flavored jello: It wasn't my fault! I promise! I was just cooking and it died!

feral cat dad: To be fair, it is old. I think that thing's been there since I was in UA.

8:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20 has started a video chat

[Tokoyami opening door and Vlad King stops teaching and stares at him]

Kid, you're not my student. Your class is down the hall, are you lost? -Unknown

Hey, Pony, Kiyo. Here, pick three each and a drink or two. -foil-mecha

Young man, you can't just waltz into my classroom and hand unsolicited food to only two students. -Unknown

[Kiyomi and Pony are shown grabbing their sandos and redbulls from the large bag Tokoyami came in with]

You're right, I'm not. Ibara, Kageya, Seiko, come get yours too. I found a cool one I think you'll like, Ibara. -foil-mecha

Oh? What is it? -saviour

Well, I heard you say you like apples and melon. I found you a sando with both. -foil-mecha

I'm in love with you. -saviour

Sure, yeah Get your food, I need to get to 1-A. -foil-mecha

You should be in there now! This isn't your class! -Unknown

Sir? Sir. I really don't care. I have a pass from Mr. Aizawa and I'm literally about to leave. Our oven broke in the dorms so none of us ate breakfast this morning. I went to get us all breakfast and got held up with a villain attack. Kindly, sir, I think even Nezu would be unhappy if even a single one of us hero course students weren't eating breakfast this close to the Sports Festival. So, you feel free to carry on your lesson. Let just the five of your students  eat their breakfast. I promise, it won't disrupt you further than  it has. -foil-mecha

Fine. -Unknown

nat20 has ended the video chat

gay salt: I love Tokoyami. I do.

foil-mecha: My mothers and fathers didn't raise a carpet, I don't exist to be stepped on by authority figures.

nat20: Thanks, Fumi. I'm starving.

foil-mecha: Anything for my friends.

ranch flavored: ALL HAIL FOOD GOD TOKOYAMI

feral cat dad: Bringer of Energy Drink, Keeper of the Sando.

gay salt: We all love you, Fumi.

foil-mecha: What a time to be alive, being adored by my peers and teacher AND getting to tell off an annoying teacher?

feral cat dad: God, yes, sando time. Gimme.

gay salt: aizawaeatingasandolikeaferalcat.jpg

nat20: Thanks, I'm scarred for life having witnessed Feralzawa.

farmer toshi: I love you, Fumi.

foil-mecha: Seems that's everyone's sentiment this morning.

farmer toshi: I'll get a crush, fucker, don't tempt me.

foil-mecha: Alright, alright.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust 

[atinybitofau]

S E O N G H W A ⇨ the reason why

“a hair brush”

-a series involving every day objects that either force you two together or force you two apart.

• “I hate you!”

• you don’t know how it happened.

• it just happened so fast.

• how Seonghwa came into your shared home with him,

• crying, telling you he loves you.

• after you caught him kissing another woman in his car.

• “Baby, listen to me—“

• “Don’t baby me,” you hysterically stumble back. “Don’t touch me. God don’t touch me. How dare you? How dare you, Park Seonghwa?!”

• it’s so fast.

• your reflexes and the amount of pain that came storming over you.

• how you loved him beyond your capability.

• and he just goes and—

• “Kiss her? She was kissing me!”

• “You kissed her back!”

• he tries so hard.

• stumbles over the broken glass on the floor trying to reach you but you keep throwing things.

• things that were small enough at first.

• until a hair brush the size and weight of your fist goes colliding into his face.

• for a second, silence comes through.

• just the throbbing pain of heart break and a hair brush thining the air.

• and you take that brush back and stuff it with your other belongings.

• ready to take everything you gave up for him right back.

• “I hate you, Park Seonghwa, go choke. And a hair brush to the face isn’t going to amount to the pain I feel right now.”

• you let him watch you as you leave,

• the hair brush that you hit him with following you for the rest of your life.

• and you’re brushing your hair with it 2 years later during a phone call with a hysterical Hongjoong on the line asking that,

• “You have to come.”

• “I do not.”

• “Y/n.” he warns. “This is my 25th birthday. I’m getting old. And if you don’t come to Gwangju for it, I’m going to combust.”

• “Then I guess you’re combusting.” you reiterate into the speaker with a firm tone. “I know who’s going. And I know what you have planned. I’m not going to the cabin retreat and that’s final. We’ll have celebrate your birthday some other time.”

• “I only have one once a year! I only turn 25 once.” he sighs. “If I had known you two would get this worked up about your break up, I wouldn’t have set you two up together in the first place. Spite me for thinking you two were meant to be together.”

• you think about it again after a couple months.

• how you were kind of over it.

• maybe you were over reacting.

• that maybe Seonghwa didn’t really kiss her back and you probably shouldn’t have almost reconstructed his face for it.

• how you loved him more than anything.

• did he?

• “Hongjoong.” you swallow down your pride before asking him, “Do you think I was out of line? When Seonghwa and I broke up.”

• “Why are you asking me this, y/n?”

• “Because I want to know.” you firm despite his frustrated sense. “Seonghwa might as well have been meant to be with me but I just... maybe I wasn’t for him.”

• “You know he has a girlfriend now.. right?”

• you sigh not even bothered by that, “Sure. But I don’t see your point.”

• Hongjoong chuckles at that.

• thinking,

• how you two really were meant to be at the time.

• maybe the time just wasn’t right.

• “Come to ski lodge. You’ll have fun, I promise.”

• he doesn’t answer your question.

• but he does make good promises.

• and you did have fun.

• albeit, with Seonghwa smacking lips with his girlfriend all the time by the fire.

• the pillar duo (Yunho and Mingi) making fun of you for toppling over too many times during the skiing hours.

• cause you were better at Snowboarding than you were at skiing no doubt.

• “Okay.” Hongjoong looks down at his schedule while you all cozied by the lobby fire, Mingi still playing with your hair with your hair brush. “So we get 2 hours with snowboards and the slope included. Who’s going? I need people to come with me to pick up the meat.”

• “Ooh.” Mingi teases making you laugh. “Meat.”

• “You’re..” Hongjoong sighs in disappointment. “You’re an idiot. Mingi, shut up. So? Who’s gonna snowboard.”

• “Deonghwa, I suck at snowboarding.”

• you snicker almost, hiding your amused smile under your expression when your ex across the room hears his current girlfriend coo.

• “R-really?”

• you can feel the heat of the eyes on you.

• either because you were his ex being forced to listen,

• or because everyone in the room knew you and Seonghwa were the king and queen of the slope.

• how snowboarding was just something the both of you can never pass up.

• you don’t mind his girlfriend though.

• she’s nice..

• it’s been 2 years, how could you not be over it by now?

• right?

• “I kind of wanted to go.” you two catch eyes for a brief moment when he speaks.

• “I can keep her company, hyung!” Wooyoung says mid chew not hesitating to send you a secret glance. “It’s a waste of a free board, seriously. We’ll be fine.”

• Mingi and you share a weird look.

• since you two were planning on just going together cause no one else seemed to be interested.

• both equally as surprised Seonghwa was willing to leave his current girlfriend behind.

• usually never willing to leave you.

• especially with a bunch of idiots.

• “Sure. You’ll be okay here?”

• “Yeah.” his girlfriend obviously doesn’t know who you are yet, smiles when she says. “I’ll be okay. Have fun!”

• you rack up your boots, Mingi helping you when Seonghwa walks into the changing room with heavy eyes.

• still hates the sight of another man helping you.

• especially when he already had issues with Mingi way back when.

• how you fit in Mingi’s arms almost as perfectly as you did in his once.

• “Eyyy.” Mingi wiggles his brows not even noticing Seonghwa who walked in. “When you said your ass looks good in tight pants, I didn’t think you meant this good.”

• “Song Mingi, keep it your own pants.” you chuckle not realizing your ex burning up behind you. “You’ve seen me in jeans before. It’s the same thing.”

• “Well I don’t think so.”

• you have to admit though.

• you were over it.

• —you and Seonghwa.

• how his girlfriend seemed nice and all.

• and you were having fun.

• even if it were unusual it was with Mingi.

• “Hey, were you gonna use this?”

• it’s the first time you’ve spoken to him after so long.

• the both of you seeming to forget the feeling,

• and he chokes up when you bend down in front of him almost the same way Mingi did.

• but unlike Mingi, shouldn’t be drooling over your ass cause he has a girlfriend.

• “Um.” he clears his throat blush on his cheeks. “Yes. I mean— no! No I wasn’t. Sorry.”

• you turn your chin over your shoulder and send him a soft laugh, “You okay, Deonghwa? Sounding a little flustered there.”

• he doesn’t like it.

• the nickname.

• “Don’t call me that.”

• raising an eyebrow with your board cocked up beside your hip, you tell him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was designated use for your girlfriend only.”

• he notices how you’re over it.

• no hard feelings.

• but the traumatizing feeling of your hair brush hitting his nose coming back to him like it just happened last night.

• the way the tears ran down your pretty face.

• how your pretty face never changed over the years.

• has to defend himself by saying, “I-it’s not. I just don’t like it. She calls me that all the time and never listens when I tell her not to.”

• you laugh again sending him another genuine smile. “Well I’ll try not to call you that again for next time.”

• his eyes ravel in the way you bring your goggles down.

• how you were still a woman he once loved,

• whom he thought he was over with a long time ago.

• “Anyway, Mingi’s waiting for me so I’ll see you out there?” you wave him off. “And good luck! Don’t forget not to choke.”

• an inside joke you two once had.

• his heart jumping upon noticing you remembered.

• that you didn’t forget about him.

• shouldn’t feel like this even though he does.

• “Mingi! Stop it! Oh my god we’re both gonna fall!”

• he’s about to explode.

• thinking,

• where would be the nearest drug store to buy a hair brush so he could throw at the the both of you.

• glaring when Mingi tangles his body over you when he purposely collides into you on the slope.

• when you smile all giddy with Mingi hovering over you.

• he can’t take it—

• oh my god, he’s gonna explode.

• “Seonghwa!”

• his eyes flicker up when you call him,

• pouting like a baby at you when you walk over. “Are you okay? Oh my god.”

• did something happen?

• oh.

• he cooly just hit the fence.

• a pain he didn’t even notice.

• hurt more to watch you flirt with Mingi like a high schooler than getting hit in the face.

• hurts more remembering that god damn hair brush.

• “How many fingers am I holding up, Hwa?”

• he stares at your eyes instead.

• “Two?”

• you can’t help but smile.

• heart jumping at the way he pouts when he’s frustrated and annoyed.

• you only knowing cause he was once the love of your life..

• once..

• “Two fingers?” you reach over to caress the throbbing pain on his temple. “Seonghwa, I was holding up four fingers. You were looking at my eyes.”

• “I know.. I’m sorry.”

• you bite on your lip before hoisting him up. “Come on. I told you not to choke remember?”

• “I know.. I’m sorry.”

• you look over at Mingi who’s staring at his phone.

• you now looking back at your ex thinking—

• you’re sorry.

• and this might be the only chance you get to tell him that.

• “Hey.” you breathily say while he stares out over the snow slope. “I just wanna say I’m sorry. About the hair brush incident. I know I probably am a little late but I’ve been thinking about it all weekend. Plus, Yunho won’t let me live it down.”

• he huffs and shakes his head. “At the time, I guess I deserved it.”

• silence.

• filled with wordy bandaids and hot breaths.

• patching up the scar with some concealer for now.

• “So... friends?”

• he doesn’t want to agree.

• but seemingly remembers he has someone who fills up the blank before it, a girlfriend that’s not you.

• “Friends.”

• now he definitely can’t stop staring at you.

• during the barbecue when Mingi has you on his lap from Yunho tripping you.

• you a little more tipsy than normal.

• obviously having way too much fun.

• “Babe, did you hear me?” his girlfriend asks waving in his face. “You‘ve been out of it this whole day. What’s gotten into you?”

• he doesn’t want to break it to her.

• how he already wants you back.

• still wants you instead of her.

• “Wooyoung told me something earlier..” she snaps him out of his gaze. “I just want to know if it’s true.”

• “What?” he looks back at his girlfriend desperately. hoping she’d break it first. “What did he say?”

• “That you dated y/n? She’s nice.” his current girlfriend compliments. “She really knows how to get a crowd going. I mean, look at her. She almost.. she almost looks like she’s you? You, Seonghwa. She looks like she could be you. Eye candy. Plus, she came with me to the bathroom earlier. For someone who used to date my boyfriend, she’s really something.”

• he feels bad, yeah.

• feels like he just threw a hairbrush at his girlfriend face,

• that brush being you.

• “I’m sorry.” he tells her. “I should’ve told you.”

• “No don’t be. Cause I see the way you look at her Seonghwa.” she leans back with a smile. “I had fun. Being with you and all. But I think we both have a reason now to say we never loved each other? I mean, it’s kind of obvious we don’t make each other’s empty halves up.”

• “You think y/n does?”

• his girlfriend looks at you from across the room.

• how your smile mirrors her own boyfriend, your ex.

• how she had fun this weekend.

• had fun taking your place until you unintentionally took it back.

• “I think.” she leans up to press a kiss on his lips. “I think you should go and get your girl, Park Seonghwa. You know. After this weekend. Cause I’d feel bad for breaking up with you while I was kind of your plus one?”

• he doesn’t know how to start.

• first talks to Mingi to make sure he can.

• “What?” Mingi’s face contorts. “Ew hyung, for one. She dated you. That’s like against the bro code.”

• he sighs.

• in both relief and disappointment. “You’re an idiot.”

• laughing Mingi replies, “I would never be able to handle her throwing a hair brush at me. I think we all know you’re the only guy who can.”

• he doesn’t know if the pat on his back is reassuring or not.

• hopes to god he gets to throw away that thing if you two do end up getting back together.

• “Seonghwa?” you ask when a familiar set of numbers pop out on your screen. “Hey. I didn’t know you still had my number. I heard about you and your girlfriend... I’m sorry.”

• “For what?”

• “I don’t know.” you chuckle nervously brushing your hair as you have him on speaker. “I just feel like I should be.”

• time passes a little.

• while you stare in the mirror.

• wondering why people always decide to call you in the middle of getting ready.

• “I only have a couple minutes.” you say. “Is this important?”

• “Kind of? I need to see you.”

• “For what?”

• “I need to throw away your hair brush.”

• you laugh at that, kind of knowing where this was going.

• your heart ready to explode.

• yeah, you’re ready to explode.

• maybe also ready to take him back?

• “Seonghwa, you just broke up with your girlfriend. You can’t seriously be thinking about courting me again.”

• “I wasn’t thinking about it, y/n. I know I’ll be doing it. Just called you to let you know. And that I’ll be picking you up from work tonight.”

• he reminds you of him.

• too straight forward for both of your own goods.

• always getting what he wants without having to do anything.

• being the other half you need.

• your hand immediately throwing the hair brush on your vanity into the trash when you press your phone against your ear to say hysterically,

• “I still have lots of other things I can throw at you, you know.”

@atinybitofau

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 25 (SEASON 2 FINALE PT 2!!!) RECAP

Yayyy, I'm finally here at the last episode of season 2... I'm honestly still working through my final thoughts on this episode and I've just been waiting to write it out so I can stop swirling it around my head.

Oh Kureno...

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Mmmph... ain’t it beautiful. 😈

- Vibing extra hard to the opening cos it’s the last time I’ll hear it for a while (and also cos I’m distracting myself from the sads again)

I think I might do a ranking of the openings and endings so far at the end of this recap!

- There’s this music in the background that always plays when Akito’s manipulative powers are at work that goes so well with the uneasy tone of the scenes and it’s great.

Hana was giving me hardcore Tomoyo from Cardcaptor Sakura-vibes in this episode. I think it might’ve been the hairstyle but I dunno, Hana’s also obsessed with her best friend too so they might be more relatable than I thought lol

Ok. I hate to be predictable but Rin obviously gets Outfit Appreciation this episode. IT’S JUST FACTS. This is Rin’s best outfit so far. I wanna draw it, I wanna wear it. Yes. We should all aspire to include more arm sleeves in our outfits. 5 STARS.

Omg Yuki, tone it down 😂 WE GET IT. SHE’S MADRE.

Lol, where’s Kyo? I’m sure he wants head pats too. But, myyyy boy, Momiji...

...Did he really just pull the ‘let’s pray about it... together 💕’ move?! I am cackling 🤣

I kid, this was another cute moment between Momiji and Tohru. It’s just funny how everyone wants Tohru’s praise and affection... you know... like a GOD.

Ooooo, I hate to admit it... but I’m starting to love Shigure in full Trickster God mode. This whole episode he was sinfully delightful to watch. Voice acting - of course, was amazing. John Burgmeier makes Shigure’s lilty, carefree tones have such dark and sinister tone this episode. It’s not shocking enough that it feels like it’s a totally different person but it’s almost like as if you’re noticing something new in the painting you pass by everyday. That darkness was always there...

I am Hatori. Hatori is me. I’m starting to understand why Hatori stays friends with Shigure... 😅😅😅

*sigh*

“And now we move on to Kureno Sohma, 26, who is about to watch a random DVD given to him by a high schooler”...

I feel like a lot of things that happen to or around Kureno never seem quite right... or legal lol 😅

Oh Kureno... you poor Begotten Child of Eve... This scene is beautiful. But in general, Fruits Basket is so good with the use of colours and shadow and FRAMING in pretty much all of its scenes and scenarios. The way the whole scene is mostly dark but there’s a hint of purple showing how even though he is away from Akito, he’s never truly AWAY from Akito. It’s a nice touch.

It was soooo... cool to see Shigure in his true form. Haha, I have no other way to say it. He was being such a smart-ass and was incredibly cold towards Kureno but it’s really satisfying to see Shigure’s ‘real face’. Which is ironic because throughout this whole phone call we don’t actually get a clear view of Shigure’s face. 

That absolute drop in Shigure’s voice in the English dub was excellent as well.

All the pawns are falling into place... He really is the worst. I don’t like it. I like it.

CINEMATIC. I love how dramatic this scene and this anime is!!! Also, Kureno’s outfit is great, a long coat is always good. There’s also something very ‘Edward and Bella’ about this meeting and this reveal of the truth. It’s just... so early 00s and it’s great lol

But oh, look wow, Kureno doesn’t have the curse (!)

I love Kureno’s description of the curse breaking, it sounds so euphoric and beautiful! Also, I have to say, Ian Sinclair was fucking killing it this episode. I was a bit worried about him being Kureno at first because I’ve only known his performances as dynamic and slightly eccentric characters. But, he really nailed down Kureno’s calm and robotic kinda demeanour so that when his eventual breakdown happens...

It almost sounds alien and so broken like he’s been holding back his tears for so long but also a little bit pathetic which I personally love as a take on Kureno. Because... he is a little bit pathetic. 😬 His whole life is on stand still because of a promise he made to a 7-10 year old girl... when he was in middle school?! I know that tradition is tradition but I genuinely agree with Shigure berating him for letting this go on for so long.

I guess that’s always been my personal problem with Kureno. He could’ve potentially stopped so many Akito-caused disasters in many of the zodiac’s lives just by even telling his own truth. And I know that it’s explained that Kureno just wanted to calm Akito down and reassure her and I definitely felt for him in that moment... but I think I need more of an exploration of how Kureno genuinely feels about Akito without the loyalty promise. I just don’t understand why he’s carried this promise on for so long.

But anyways... I found Tohru’s reactions to what Kureno was saying very interesting...

Almost... like she finds this... relatable? (I dunno why I’m even trying to be coy when I’m behind rn lol) I’m definitely seeing the reflection between Tohru and Kureno now, lol

BIG REVEAL(!) I remember when I first found out that Akito was a girl from the manga and I don’t think I really thought anything of it 😂 Like I don’t really think I thought much about her gender, I definitely knew she was feminine but I kinda just read her as androgynous? Kinda the same as how I read Ayame at first. How did the anime-onlys receive this reveal?

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OPENINGS AND ENDINGS RANKING!

OPENINGS

Again - Beverly (Season 1, Opening 1)

Home - Toki Asako (Season 2, Opening 2)

2001 Opening

Prism (Season 2, Opening 1)

Chime - Ai Otsuka (Season 1, Opening 2)

ENDINGS

Lucky Ending (Season 1, Opening 1)

2001 Ending (THOSE STRINGS!! 🎻)

Eden (Season 2, Opening 2)

The Charm (Season 2, Opening 1)

One Step Closer (Season 1, Opening 2)

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Ahhh, I’m so glad I can now fully envelope Season 3 now. This was a great climax episode. Ian Sinclair really got me good in Kureno’s scene - teary eyed at 2am lol 

See you in Season 3!!! Yayy!