#did i say we. maybe i need to journal something lol

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[disgruntleddemon]

i though i'd try and do designs for the better world from J3 as fun lil challenge! i went w middle age-ish, since we don't rly see that in canon.

McGucket gets to be fun and silly. he gets into eccentric button ups (i firmly believe the Hawaiian shirt Stan puts on the skeleton was McGucket's), and just generally enjoys getting ridiculous with his outfits. also, return on the mustache! and a ponytail for the hell of it. kind of a fun uncle vibe.

i think Ford just likes plain colored button ups. that's basically all he wears in flashbacks lol. besides that, he's a bit more outdoorsy. best believe he has a shit ton of random things in the vest pockets. he also doesn't have any tattoos from Bill, so that's nice

for Stan i basically just went w his sea grunk look. his hair is just starting to thin out a bit. his chin is also scruffier since i'm still not sure how to give a dog stubble. idk, his design was the trickiest to figure out.

Stan and Ford's matching earrings were from an incident where they were drunk and one of them thought it would be a great idea. both of them insist it was the other's idea. they never got rid of the earrings though lmao. McGucket teases them about it sometimes.

anyway, long ramblings on my timeline headcannons under the cut:

so, the main thing that ended up changing the timeline, was Ford reaching out to Stan Sooner. things had just started to go bad, like in cannon, but Bill played one of his cards too soon.

he did the zombie possession thing, and that's enough to scare Ford into contacting Stan. the idea that even death wouldn't be enough to escape Bill was pretty terrifying y'know?

he hadn't yet come up with the plan to hide the journals, so primarily he wants Stan to help buy him some time. basically, he needed someone who could babysit him and make sure he was restrained if he fell asleep.

given his goal, he has more time to just sit down with Stan and explain the whole situation. he's a bit more trusting than cannon Ford, but in a "this is a last ditch effort, idk what to do if this fails" way. obviously, Stan agrees to help, which also means they're now living together and forced to work through their issues. it does go a bit smoother than would have in cannon tho. at some point during this time period, they do hide the journals. they're basically throwing anything at the wall trying to see what sticks.

Ford believes they REALLY need McGucket. with some convincing from Stan, he works up the nerve to call Fiddleford's home. only to be met with Emma saying he hadn't come back, and not to call her anymore. i kinda picture a scenario where Ford and Stan desperately try to find McGucket, only to, ironically, get snatched by the blind eye after seeing something supernatural

i'm not entirely sure how i'd have the confrontation play out. i do think this gets to be a moment where Ford is the one to excel in a social situation. like, i think it'd be a chance to see some of him and McGucket's friendship, and show how much Ford does actually care.

either way, McGucket agrees to help at the end. idk what to do with the blind eye, but i'm thinking similar to the ending of the episode in the show. except maybe more open ended if all the members got their mind erased in case i want the blind eye to make a reappearance as antagonists later.

i've seen a couple different ways people go about protecting Ford's mind from Bill in mystery trio aus. unicorn hair, metal plate surgery but riskier, metal helmet, etc, but i'm surprised no one ever uses project mentem!

for one thing, it just SCREAMS fiddleford to me. i already headcannoned better world McGucket gave cannon Ford the blueprints for it, so of course i'm gonna use it as part of my better world timeline. i mean, if he made the memory gun, i can def see him making the brain protector too lol.

after that is a couple various events:

Ford and Stan have to help McGucket recover from his memory gun addiction. while not as pronounced as cannon obviously, he still has memory issues left over

they start dismantling the portal

Ford publishes his research like McGucket originally suggested, and does get quite a bit of money from that

Mcgucket and Emma get divorced and have to figure out their situation. i think it'd be awhile before Fiddleford gets proper custody, but i do think Emma moves closer, and Fiddleford gets to see Tate

the trio opens something similar to the mystery shack, but an actual anomaly natural history museum. Stan ends up doing tours, while Ford and McGucket do the displays + research for that. it's around this point those two officially get together. they'd been kind of dancing around it for awhile lol

surprising everyone, it's Fiddleford who thinks they should revisit the portal, and that he has ideas on how to get it to work safely. still not entirely sure how to have that play out, but obviously they do figure it out in the end

at some point the institute is founded

when the portal is actually finished, and dimensional travel becomes more of a thing, Ford and Stan start exploring together. they don't go sailing, but the do get to go on adventures as brothers :]

at some point, shifty is revisited. having seen a few aus where he ends up as Ford and McGucket's kid, i'm kinda leaning in that direction. haven't decided what to do with him yet

now, when cannon Ford shows up, and gets some of the basics of what happened in this world he asks Fiddleford something to the effect of "so, did Stan hide the journals?" and he technically did hide them, WITH Ford, so McGucket is like "yeah, i guess so, but-" before cannon Ford cuts him off and changes the subject.

i think cannon ford was already overwhelmed by seeing what was essentially his dream world, that finding out what happened to Stan would be too painful. if they reconnected, that would hurt, if they never saw each other again, that would also hurt. so, cannon Ford, king of repressing his feelings, just avoided the topic.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

lmfao Dark Howlett/Creed!Reader having rankings for who they like the most

Imagine a tier list video except it's Reader ranking the X-Men and villains

Logan and Victor are probably F tier lol

Cube anon

Hahaha! Oh dear... Okay, I might as well do it, and make it canon (with hidden fun facts and lore for the au!)... This is in Creed/Howlett Reader's pov:

(Journal: List of Who Is The Least Awful)

(In the Green)

Gambit: is nice to me, only tries to steal my food and my spare change, wants information but at least attempts to listen to me talk first (he smells like cats and spice, maybe a hint of cinnamon) 7/10

Kurt: tries to be polite, but I know he's scared, and he went along with what the others did (I saw him wearing a cross necklace... Catholic, maybe? seems sweet, is blue and fluffy... smells like blueberry muffins) 6.5/10

Todd: still jokes at my expense, but is only as scared as everyone else... still doesn't like me, went along with their plan to use me (is he a feral mutant? or just a poor frog, erm, toad kid?) 6/10

Beast: was nice to my face, did not say i should stay, knew I was being tested, did nothing (why is it always the same?) 5.5/10

(In the Yellow)

Xavier: ... I don't like him, he set me up... but he is polite to my face, albeit he also decided I wouldn't be staying with them (who let him have kids?) 4/10

Rogue: isn't bad, but is distrustful of me (wasn't she in this position before?) 4/10

Magneto: terrifies me... but hasn't personally messed with me (he's Pietro and Wanda's dad, he's scary as f*ck!) 4/10

Evan: annoying and likes to mess around/make jokes about me, is not the worst (I'm not fighting him, he has SPIKES, I'm not that much of a sucker for pain-) 4/10

Lance: still annoyed me, was not nice, was rude and threw a rock at me in retaliation once (has issues, but don't we all?) 3.5/10

(In the Red)

Kitty: is a bit snobby and prudish, but hasn't tried to fight me or get in my way, smells like bubblegum (she's smart, once was in a club with her, was ignored, it's normal) 3.5/10

Jean: did not trust me at all, is suspicious of me, has tried to read my mind, she scares me (a telepath or telekinetic? how do any of these kids live under the same roof? smart, pretty, avoid) 3/10

Scott: definitely does not trust me, has tried to start a fight with me, his lasers burn, is very, very stubborn (I am not fighting him again, one time was enough, did he have to insult me, too? are he and Jean dating? ... they seem like a good fit...) 2.5/10

Wanda: ... no... nope... does not like anyone, is related to Pietro, is the nicer of the twins (wears red and black a lot... is dangerous... steer clear of her) 2.5/10

(In the Black)

Pietro: is annoying as f*ck, is rude, insults me and everyone else, will rub your insecurities in your face, is demanding, is dramatic, is addicted to drama (why did I ever try to talk to him? avoid at all costs. Is NOT worth it) 1/10

Logan: ... avoid avOid AVOID! dangerous, terrifying, deems me too dangerous, has almost hurt me, don't go near him, stay away from him and his brats (I thought he'd understand... what it's like, to be this way... he doesn't care...) 0/10

Sabretooth: Run Run RUN!!! Avoid at all costs! Do not talk to, do not get near, stay still, don't speak, pray, will bite and scratch and aim to hurt, deems me too soft (said it more hurtfully than that... is NOT nice...) -1/10

(Hmmm... I don't think I have friends... I have maybe Gambit, but he's, well... I know why he comes around. I know it's just a job, just a scheme. But I'm lonely, okay? I need someone to talk to, and out of everyone, he's the least problematic... Is it so bad to want someone as a friend? What am I doing wrong? I try to act normal, talk normal, eat normally... These people should understand, but they don't... Is there a point to this?)

(... I heard something outside... I need to check it out... I'll write in you again, Journal...)

( Last written entry of Reader ********, dated 12/03/200? , in their journal )

(How is this for a peek inside Creed/Howlett Reader's mind in their version of the Dark AU? And a reminder: they didn't know who their dad was at first but find out during **********...) (So yes, Gambit ai the closest they have to an ally/comrade, but they aren't quite friends...) (When Reader wakes up and finds the other three with them, those three are traumatized, trying to apologize, and telling Reader they'll be welcomed this time, that the others can't leave then after this, look at the state they're in-) (Well, um... look at this list, and tell me how well you think that goes over initially) ( @sugar-soda @vivid-bun @danni1323 @crowwithguns @thewickedweiner)

[fruitswrl]

Dreaming + Shifting

Shifting diary entry #8 !!! (and asking for help again…)

I’ve made posts before about what it means to dream and how that relates to your shifting journey, and here I am doing it again… (also I wish I’ve made more diary entries on here it’s kinda been a while, but I’ve doing A LOT of reflection in my personal shifting journal, maybe I’ll make some of them posts…?)

My whole life I’ve been a dreamer, before I even learned of shifting I lucid dreamt quite often. I would use dreaming as an escape from my life here. My dreams are often intense and vivid.

And they definitely were last night, I had so many dreams it was crazy. But to parts in particular stood out to me that made me want to make this post.

It was later in the night, I originally thought to lucid dream and shift that way instead of doing an awake method (because of something that happened earlier in the night that I’ll get to later)

I think I just forgot that I wanted to that and I didn’t end up saying affirmations as I went to sleep to help guide me into a lucid dream, instead I thought of my DR. And … I ended up having VERY vivid dream of my DR s/o. Like I don’t think I’ve had a more vivid dream related to my current DR.

(I don’t remember what was going on before this) I opened the door in the room I was in and there leaning on the wall was my s/o. Again so vivid so much more detail in this dream. I remember thinking that I felt my stomach drop when I saw him there 😭 I also thought “omg he’s so tall I need to script he’s not this tall” ??? Anyways I think we talked but I can’t remember, I just remember kissing him and us cuddling. I remember sitting in front of him with his arms around me. I think someone else from my DR interrupted us bc we had some place to go, and my sister from this reality did the same?

I remember feeling really sad when I woke up, but I just tried to feel better by reminding myself I can just be there for real 😭

Now for the part I REALLY wanted to talk about. The part that, if anyone reading can help me analyze, I would much appreciate it.

I was gonna do an awake method last night but decide I should sleep for a couple hours then do it. So I set the intention to wake up at like 4, I woke up at like 4 30 but I was waking up before this but just kept going back to sleep and anxiously waking up lol. Anyways I woke up and put on a guided meditation and went for it, but then a couple minutes in I just randomly remember this part of my dream that made me stop my meditation.

I can’t fully remember what was going on before this, but I was in some sort of library/book store and this lady asks me to tell her a cool fact. (?)I panicked and couldn’t think of anything. I can’t remember what happened between this moment and the next but it eventually led to us talking about shifting. She told me she’s an avid shifter, she’s been shifting since 2020. And she told me she’s 24 years old? I don’t know who this woman was, she’s certainly not anyone in my life and not like some shifting “influencer” I like or something? I remember her giving me shifting advice but I just can���t seem to remember what it was!?!? 😭 I remember her comforting me, and telling me stuff along the lines of “don’t worry it is inevitable that you will shift” though. Ugh, I wish I could remember. But this is why I decided to try and lucid dream instead.

But if anyone reading this wants to feel free to analyze this for me, idk what this means for me or my journey. If my subconscious mind keeps saying and doing stuff like this, why haven’t I shifted? What does this even mean for me?

I’ve had similar experiences in dreams, like this one time a couple weeks ago I was dreaming of Star Wars (odd bc I’ve never seen the movies) and I met two guys and I explained shifting to them and they were very curious about it. And I even remember thinking in that dream “should I tell them I shifted here?” (???)

Anyways I feel (slightly) sick to my stomach about the vivid dream I had of my s/o and idk what my other part means…

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - DD - May 9 & 11

I’m combining both of these entries into one since I have similar thoughts about both!

First off, yay we get our first time meeting Mina and Lucy!!!!!!!! And may I just say it’s great to see these girls being besties and chatting? You can tell just by the way they write that they have known each other a long time. Bram actually did a good job writing these women talking to each other. It feels natural and organic. Finally a “men writing women” moment where I don’t want to gag. I will still never get over the adaptations pitting these two lovely ladies against each other!! Why do we still feel the need to make them “compete.” Ugh :(

Mina’s Letter - I love how she starts right away with “forgive me for not writing you.” She already KNOWS Lucy is going to get on her for that, lol. Also her gushing about Jonathan is adorable and I love how she talks about writing to him in code. Those two nerds, they’re going to end me with their cuteness. Also, studying lady journalists to help with your journalism? What a queen doing that research. As she should! Again, it’s the bare minimum, but Stoker really did a good job with this one I must say. Seeing her be hopeful about Jonathan’s trip to Transylvania and the subsequent promise of seeing places like that together is a bit sobering. :( that is, until we reach her PS!

“You have not told me anything for a long time.” This line makes me want to laugh for some reason and I’m not quite sure why? Maybe it’s because I can hear a slightly scolding tone when she says it, or maybe because I can totally see me telling one of my friends this, especially to goad them into telling me the tea. Either way, it’s great.

“I hear rumours, and especially of a tall, handsome, curly-haired man???”

I’m convinced Stoker read my texts or something because LOL that’s literally how I type! The idea of her writing “???” is adorable and I love it so much. Also by “rumors” does she mean Lucy’s mom? I’m pretty sure she means Lucy’s mom. I think it’s funny the first really descriptive thing we really hear of Arthur is his curly hair!

We can get a good glimpse of Mina’s personality just by this letter. We can already tell she’s genuinely excited to be married to Jonathan and help with his work. She is also very methodical, as she is thinking of several different ways she can practice her stenography and shorthand to help assist him. Like Jonathan, she does her research by reading up on how women in similar fields conduct their craft. She is obviously hopeful and in love with him, as she dreams of seeing new places with him after they are married.

However, she does not neglect Lucy in her missive! While her letter is mostly about Jonathan (which I assume is likely due to to Lucy asking after him and most engaged people do tend to talk about their fiancé — just look at Jonathan), she does take time at the beginning and ending of the letter to a) assure Lucy she misses her and b) tell her the latest news ASAP!! This shows that she deeply cares about her friend, even with her impending nuptials.

Lucy’s Letter - “I must say you tax me very unfairly with being a bad correspondent. I wrote to you twice since we parted, and your last letter was only your second.”

Yep, sure enough, Lucy gets on Mina for not writing to both of her letters (I do wonder if Mina answered everything that was in both letters…). Of course, it’s in a good-natured way and it gives me the same vibes as Rarity from MLP:FIM fainting into a couch or something and I am HERE FOR IT (for those who don’t watch the show, I genuinely mean this as a compliment. I love Rarity -- also I could probably make a whole post about Dracula characters as MLP characters, hmm…).

“Besides, I have nothing to tell you. There is really nothing to interest you.”

*Proceeds to list the hottest gossip* I love this girl so much. She has my whole heart.

“Some one has evidently been telling tales.”

Yep, definitely Lucy’s mom! I would love to see the letters between Mina and Lucy’s mom tbh.

Also when talking about Arthur, it’s so adorable because you can tell at first she only tries to sprinkle in a little bit about him, like “oh he’s just someone I met” and then it quickly morphs into “we met this guy who would be great for you” (Seward mention!!!! Can’t wait to meet everyone’s favorite pathetic wet cat /pos) to “I’m already picking up his slang and using his first name and did I mention IM IN LOVE WITH HIM????”

You can already learn so much about Lucy from this first letter. She’s sweet and caring to the people around her, lively about everything and a bit unsure about love (since she doesn’t quite know if Arthur loves her back). I looked up her age (idk if that counts as spoilers but I’ll tag this as such just in case) and she’s 19!!! This is exactly the kind of letter I would expect a 19-year-old to write to her best friend. I just love how excited she sounds, as she should!!! She’s a young girl in love, perhaps for the first time, and wants her best friend to know. I do love how she tells Mina “write back to me IMMEDIATELY with your thoughts.” Same, Lucy, same.

Back to Seward. It’s so funny to me that he wants to make a psychological study of her while staring straight into her soul and she seems to be chill with it!! Like she still loves Arthur, but she’s also not put off by Jack, either. He’s just got that neurodivergent urge to study her under a microscope and honestly, who can blame him? I can also see why Lucy would ship Seward and Mina together; obviously, I’m a diehard Jonmina shipper (and I’m pretty sure Lucy is too, she just likes chaos), but I feel like Mina and Seward would totally bond over train schedules and other nerd stuff.

So, to sum it up, I love both of these girls and their friendship so much and I can’t wait to see more of them!!! Eeeee

[frogsndogs]

So recently I watched this pilot short: Epilogue of endings. It’s about 12 minutes long, created by a group of animation students over a single summer. I had never heard of the project before it showed up in my youtube recommended.

It changed my brain chemistry. I watched it 9 days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it to save my life. The music? Spectacular. The voice acting? Perfect. The art? astounding. The characters? I’m already emotionally attached. Hotel? Trivago.

Listen, I don’t tend to watch of a lot of things anymore unless I’m with other people, and I have this weird thing about engaging in new media, I think because a lot of what I’ve been watching recently has been kinda disappointing, or very… I don’t know… it’s hard to describe. It just feels like a lot of studios are making characters shallower, relationships strained, and half-assing their world building. A lot of media that I’ve taken in recently is trying very hard to make itself seem edgy and serious and that’s not what I want right now and definitely not what I need.

But this 12 minute pilot? This is everything I never knew I needed. The characters feel like real people, with complex motivations and interpersonal relationships. They’re flawed, but they’re trying their best with the situation that they have. They have things, other people that they care about and would fight for, they have motivations and backstories that you can see the breadcrumbs of, but have not been revealed yet, and the breadcrumbs are so good you can’t wait for the whole loaf. The world-building is exquisite, built up enough that you can see the beginning, but still drawing you in with more questions. 

I have a more detailed review under the cut, with SPOILERS, but I highly recommend that you go watch the pilot. It’s 12 minutes of time well spent in my opinion.

So the first scene. We’re introduced to Lucy, Blu and CG. I think Blu is already my fav, lol. In this scene, we see the three characters playing eye-spy while walking through a forest. It’s a pretty innocuous scene if we didn’t pan up to the sky and see the sun having broken open and Lucy becoming emotional over having to leave town, and presumably the rest of her life behind. Blu doesn’t answer her.

So Lucy clearly doesn’t know what’s going on, and I’m wondering if Blu has limited information himself. Maybe even Blu doesn’t know why or how any of this is happening. Maybe Blu literally can’t answer her question because he doesn’t have the answers. Maybe it hurts, being so helpless and out of control, so he’s in denial to a certain extent, trying to pretend that everything is fine. He’s trying to keep this little girl, happy and safe and alive, while also presumably dealing with his own shit, and no he’s not doing it perfectly, he’s flawed, as people and characters should be, but he’s trying and so far she is alive and safe to a certain extent so way to go Blu! I think this will probably cause some tension between the two down the road, but for now they just keep walking.

I wonder where they’re going, if anywhere specific? Why did they leave town specifically, we see there’s lots of danger pretty much everywhere, did something happen?

Anyways, then we get to this scene of someone fixing what appears to be a subway train. He stops, pulls out a journal and we get some exposition stuff. We find out that the world ended, and how. And WOW. This whole thing was gut-punchingly realistic I feel. People blowing up the competition trying to race off into space when it’s announced that the sun is going to die out? That’s something that unfortunately I can see people doing. I wonder/hope that this will become a plot point again later on, and we’ll find out what happened to all those people. But anyways that’s not even the craziest part; the fact the sun broke open and released a whole bunch of eldritch horror monsters??? Yep here we go. And then the next thing hurts. Like a lot. Because the narrator says that ‘people who hoped to live out their last days in normalcy quickly found out that their life-style was no longer sustainable’. That shit made me want to cry. The want for a peaceful death, a calm death, a painless death, but having even that ripped away from you. This setting that these characters are in is awful and very terrifying, and we can see how it is hurting them, torturing them, but I got to give props to the world building. It’s good writing. They set up the plot, the problem, what’s been going on the past couple yrs, some mysteries, to both the viewers and the characters, and in doing so give us some idea of the characters that we do have. Because the characters that we do have are trapped. The characters that we do have are abandoned. The characters that we do have are survivors. 

And then we pan out to see the narrator having an interaction with one of the Monarchs. And this scene? Gave me chills, man. I was so creeped out by this. Acedia’s ‘I do not like that response,’ Mole’s utter helplessness to do anything, his clear, potent fear of the creature, the way that it just lightly touches him and he flinches. Then the frustration that we see on his face after it leaves, the anger that turns into tiredness and then hopelessness? Someone needs to wrap this man in a blanket stat.

And this is where I’m starting to think that Blu doesn’t really know the full extent of what’s going on. There’s a good chance that Mole knows about the Monarchs because he’s being held prisoner by one. It’s possible that Mole is seeing the world collapse before his very eyes, while Blu is just seeing the aftermath and not knowing why and I can’t say which is more terrifying.

The ‘I have influence?’ line is peak. I love it so much, I can’t even say why. That whole little interaction with Lucy saying that she takes after Blu, Blu being so genuinely touched and CG being low-key offended is perfect and I love it. It shows how close they are, how much they care about each other.

The the… zombie ppl??? I love the detail of how unlike a lot of teenage protagonists, Lucy listens to Blu, and gets out of danger. She trusts him to handle the situation on his own, and knows that the best thing that she can do right now is get to safety. There’s an implicit trust there, in spite of her clear issues with Blu not telling her things, and this is what I’m talking about when I say the character relationships are complex.

Oh fuck. The transitions? The way that it cuts from one character to another, each unintentionally completing one another’s scentences, and unknowingly engaging in conversation. It’s amazing storytelling, an amazing presentation and for some reason it just confirms to me that these characters are family. They fit together like puzzle pieces. I don’t know what else to say.

We get more info on our mysterious narrator, Mole, who is an amnesiac, and clearly going through it. During this scene we see a crumpled newspaper of what seems to be a younger version of him, winning an award for his dedication at being a subway motorman. His name is crossed out in black ink, so we can’t see it. Which makes me question, did he do this to himself? Is his amnesia a trauma response to everything he’s going through? Did something happen to the point that his brain decided shutting down and forgetting everything was better than remembering this one thing? And it hurts, because in the picture in the newspaper he looks so happy. So young. So alive. It’s a stark contrast to the man we see with bags under his eyes, talking to himself and becoming increasingly distressed. I read through the article, and again, props to the team, some other people might have just did random letters or whatever but they put in a whole ass-story, giving the viewers more info about Mole than even he has. We know he was a dedicated subway motorman. We know he was inspired by his father. We know he had a sister. But these answers only serve to bring up more questions? What happened to his sister? Was his father still alive at the time of he end of the world and what was their relationship like? Because there’s a chance that their relationship was really good, and that’s why he went on to become a subway motorman, but there is also the possibility that he was pressured into doing so, and the way that he complains about being on a train when the world ended makes me kinda lean towards that option.

Then we see CG and Lucy walking around the underground tunnels and we get more info on them. We find out that CG was created by Lucy’s mom, which begs the question of where is Lucy’s mom???? What happened to her? Is there a chance that she’s still alive? Does Lucy know what happened to her mother?? Or is this just another thing that Blu is keeping her in the dark about? Does Blu know what happened to Lucy’s mother???? Or— as you can see I am totally normal about this woman. Anyways.

CG is a fun character, optimistic and bringing a lighter atmosphere to the show, but there is just something… off about her in this scene. The disregard for the danger, the naiveté, the joyful voice in such a horrible situation, feels so wrong to me. I wonder though if CG chose to be like this, or a certain amount of it is her programming? Does CG know what happened to Lucy’s mom? I think CG was created to be take care of Lucy but it seems to be the other way around here, why is that? 

And then we get info on Blu. Blu was a solider during the war when ppl were trying to get all the resources to race off into space. I wonder if Blu had believed that he would be granted a place on one of these ships. (If he managed to survive of course.) Or had he been in the military prior to all this, and was just pulled along? This makes me want to know more about his belief system before and after the end of the world. Also it is implied by CG that Blu is carrying a lot of pressure, and I wonder how that will be dealt with later on… hmm… 

Also the music that plays when Blu uses his arms to pull down the wall? Amazing, I love it, I love the scene, I love the fact that he’s a cyborg, I am so invested in these characters already it’s killing me.

Then we see Mole almost (accidentally) kill Lucy and CG. He’s out of it, he’s the only person running the trains, he didn’t expect to have to watch out for anyone, I think that we can give him a pass on this. Blu doesn’t think so obviously.

(Sidenote: the way that Lucy curls into Blu, as he protectively shields her is so cute, my heart, help)

Blu is pissed. His tone doesn’t change too much, it’s light, but there’s this threatening undertone there that kinda creeps me out. Mole tells them he doesn’t have a name, before Blu forces him to tell them that its Mole. Wait… is he called that bc Moles live underground? Anyways, Blu wants to leave him to die there, which shows an interesting side of his character. Prior to this we’ve seen him take a protective, fun role as Lucy’s guardian but here we see this apathy towards someone who is obviously not doing so well. A lot of other people would be excited to find another living person in the apocalypse, but he’s fine just walking away. Is this just because he almost killed Lucy? Or is there something more going on here? In Blu’s bio on the rainbott instagram, it says that Blu was ‘left to die in a mysterious incident’ and it’s interesting that he feels fine leaving someone else to die in such horrible conditions. Again - complex character writing, props to the team.

But Lucy doesn’t want to leave him. This shows her compassion and maybe too her want for connection with other people. Blu resists; ‘Lucy that is the most unimpressive man I have ever seen,’ this line has no right to be so funny, esp with Mole just staring at him in the background. Did he hear that or is he too far away, too out of it? Then he relents, perhaps solely because of Lucy, or maybe also because of his own want to do the right thing. He doesn’t like Mole, he makes that obvious, but if Lucy want’s to adopt this strange hobo man, fine, if it makes her happy. He’ll do whatever it takes to make Lucy a little more happy.

Mole’s ‘it doesn’t want me to leave’ scares the shit out of me, and the way that he just freezes up when Acedia shows up… 

The scene when it talks about humans really creeps me out, and makes me worried even more about Mole. Calling him ‘entertaining’ and saying that he ‘belongs’ to them. It sounds like it sees him as a toy at best, and reminds me of the way that Mole said earlier that the Monarchs had the power to ‘turn Earth into their own personal sandbox’. Did Acedia get rid of Mole's memories for that purpose? So that he would 'belong' only to them. I wonder though, why Mole, and if there were others, if Mole had to watch those around him die, or worse when they gave an answer that it didn’t like. I wonder what Mole has had to do to scrape by and survive, what he’s been through. But Blu pulls him along anyways, kind of against Mole’s will. Like obviously being with Blu, Lucy and CG is better than being with a horrifying shadow monster, but aforesaid horrifying shadow monster is going to be pissed at him. I wonder how he’s going to react to that, if he’ll lash out at Blu or worse, Lucy for rescuing him because now it’s gonna be angry and he’s gonna have to be the one to deal with the fallout of that.

Then the scene where Blu pretends to buy tickets to appease CG? It’s for comedic relief, but again it makes me think about Blu. Is he doing it because he knows CG will be annoying if he doesn’t? Or does he genuinely not want her to be hurt? I’m not sure. 

Then the campfire scene. Lucy looks away when Blu removes his mask, Mole tries to lean in to see what’s behind it. Blu doesn’t like this, I assume it’s a sensitive subject, but Mole is again, kind of out of it. Mole is scared of Blu and Blu clearly knows this, even kinda uses it to freak him out. I’m looking forwards to see that relationship developing, maybe one that contrasts Mole’s relationship with Acedia, I dunno, someone who cares about him in this really twisted way that hurts him, and someone who at first doesn’t care at all(at first), but still takes care of him in spite of it. I dunno… just vibes.

And Lucy’s little ‘what if we tell ghost stories around the fire’ breaks my heart. It’s like she too, is in denial to a certain extent. This is just a fun camping trip not the end of the world. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine.

Then the post-credit scene. There’s presumably, something left of the government that is working to try and deal with the Monarchs, which gives me hope that there might be a way to stop them, a way to stop all this death and destruction. I am curious about what’s left of this order, what the gov was like during the war, and how they’re operating now. Also the way the commander calls the droid C21, and the way that CG is called CG, and the way that he says ‘find the girl’ and C21 frowns and does this have something to do with Lucy’s mom??????? What does any of this have to do with Lucy? Does she know more than she’s letting on, or does not even she know what she knows??? Help I need answers.

Also all the characters in the credits. I desperately hope that they find the main cast and all become friends pls.

CG’s little song is beautiful and I think that it embodies the heart of the show. Like I said earlier a lot of the stuff I’ve watched recently tries very hard to be dark and edgy and a dystopian show where all the characters have been trapped and abandoned and tortured is the perfect setup for some grim and gritty TV. But it’s… not. The characters are funny and lighthearted and smiling in spite of all the shit that’s going on around them. The characters are trying to be nice, to be good. They are connected, they are a family. It is a dystopian setting for sure, but I think that the story is about family, about love and caring for each other. The story is about Blu, Lucy and CG playing eye-spy. The story is about Lucy smiling when she tells Blu her mom said he was a bad influence. The story is about CG wanting Blu to get some rest and take a break. The story is about Mole’s desperate panic at trying to stop the train before it hits Lucy, and Lucy not wanting to leave him to die. The story is about four people sitting around a fire, listening to music.

I really love this story, and I hope to see more of it one day. It’s really beautiful.

[choster33]

Bridgerton S3 Episode 4 Reaction

So I finally watched the last episode of Part 1 and it was everything I wanted it to be! It was so steamy and full of Colin angst. I am going to write and react about what I saw so if you want to read on!

First off, the rest of the Featheringtons are trash. They're hilarious, but horrible sisters and mother to Penelope. I will one day write an essay about the trauma that Pen has gone through and etc. because ugh. Now on to Lord Debling who is adorable with his plant present.

Yes a nod to Penelope sitting at that settee and enjoying the view of Bridgerton House aka where her love Colin is at. I think she isn't leading Lord Debling on here, she genuinely is getting tired of being in the corner, playing what if and ready for a real relationship. She's not in love with Lord Debling, but ready to accept something real over her years of fantasizing over Colin for nothing.

I agree with people who wrote that the scene that Colin is rereading his journal, he's going over what Penelope has read so that he knows what she read and enjoyed and what would be going through her mind. Lady Bridgerton for sure knows that Colin is in love with Penelope! She knows he's in love and he couldn't take his eyes off of Penelope. And she's no idiot, the boy is acting love sick and she can smell that a mile away.

Tillie Arnold is an amusement, but not endgame.

Is it just me or is Lord Anderson not that funny or charming? I don't mind him courting Violet or anything to do with his person, but I don't get it. Maybe I'm taking cues from Lady Danbury who is an impeccable judge of character, but I'm meh about him.

LOL! I love Queen Charlotte and Brimsley! The step another pace backwards comment was gold. "You read me too well."

Awww look at Francesca's little face! She likes John so much! They just get each other and the two actors portray that so well. The joy they have when together, the unspoken silences, and the chemistry they have is evident and I like them!

Lord Samadani is portrayed perfectly as well- he is handsome and dashing and everything that a traditional girl would have wanted. But not what Francesca wants.

Aw, poor Cressida. I never thought I would think or say that, but here we are. The writers have reframed her into a victim of the ton and has tried to free her from the trope of Mean Blonde Bitch.

Oh, Pen it's so obvious you're staring at Colin. Even Lord Debling can tell something's up. I really like Lord Debling, I think he's so cute! I know he's not endgame, but he's doing everything right so far. Asking her how he would secure her hand and putting out feelers of her reaction to a proposal.

Oho the infamous prostitute scene! Yes, he seems incredibly disinterested. Of course his enthusiasm is elsewhere it's with Penelope! I don't mind this scene so much because it just heightens Colin's disinterest with any woman except for Penelope.

Ha! I love how Francesca just accosted Lord Kilmartin! She knows what she wants and it's this man! They are so cute and awkward and adorable! Francesca wants love, but doesn't want to or know how to play games like Daphne did. They are the on the spectrum romance I didn't know I wanted or needed.

Ooh more Cressida backstory and it is grim. Her family and house are so cold. Yeesh. No wonder she is who she is and does what she does. Eloise is sweet to come by and check up on Cressida, she's a good friend. Her father seems like a pill.

I like the Mondrich's and understand them having class/adjustment issues about suddenly becoming part of the ton. It's good to have some contrast and real people part of the main story, but I also don't understand Will's determination to not see how it looks for him to be serving as bartender. With that act he seemingly doesn't understand the whole have/have not system the ton is based on. Wake up, Will!

These assholes. I never liked these puffed up men of the ton who parade about as rakes, but are more likely just assholes who've slept with a girl or two, who they've most likely had to pay. I'm not a prude or judgmental, but I am with Colin and would be sick of them too.

Penelope being wary of her engagement with Lord Debling makes sense. The girl has been in love with Colin Bridgerton for years and still is and so it would be hard for her to just throw that all away and go with Lord Debling, whom she is not in love with. She's not opposed to him, but also waiting for true love.

Ha! We get more love sick and pining Colin! It's sad to see him like this, but also sweet poetic justice for all the years Penelope was pining alone for him. Lady Bridgerton is such a good mother! She knows Colin like the back of her hand and I love the part where she talks about armor. She knows he's been playing a part lately and wants him to be his Cinnamon Roll self.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentions Penelope and getting a proposal! That minx! She's sharp and sly and knows exactly what to say to get a response from her children. Lol.

The ballet was gorgeous! That hair piece OMG it was stunning! I like the Queen, but no Francesca will not end up with Lord Samadani!

The ballet sequence is interesting because of Penelope's reaction to it. The ballet is a romance story and Penelope is wrapped up in it. Other people are admiring the artistry and appreciating the dancers, but Penelope is swept up in it. Which proves that a loveless marriage will not do for her.

See, back to Lord Anderson and I get why he would like Violet, but not why she would like him back. They are reading friends to me than late in life love match. I just don't see instant chemistry or anything.

Tillie is beautiful and amusing, but eventually Benedict is going to chafe at the hiding things and lack of romance. Clearly Tillie is her own woman and not needing a man, which will turn Benedict off eventually I believe.

I actually like the Cressida and Eloise relationship. What am I saying? But I do! I think it's cute. Cressida is in sore need of a friend to soften her and Eloise needs one that listens to her.

Yes! Colin thinking back to that one day and the glass and the looks and the comments about eyes. They were so close and comfortable with each other because they were friends before feelings and etc got in the way.

More Francesca and John and they are very cute. She's abrupt with him at first because she thinks he doesn't like her, but lights up when she sees his gesture. This man gets her to her very soul and it's very cute. Lemonade isn't going to cut it man! She has someone who reads her very soul! The queen's face lol!

Excuse me! Colin is here for a purpose, boys, out of the way!

Oof, you were being honest, but way to fumble the ball Lord Debling. He knows that Penelope loves romance and romance novels and couldn't throw her a bone about one day being in love. Maybe that's what it is and wasn't meant to be, but oof.

Here comes unhinged Colin and I love it! I have been spoiled by this from all over and here it is! Yes walking right up to a dancing couple like that quite scandalous! This is going to be good.

Eros and Psyche indeed! Cressida can be a cow at times, but she's right here. Everything she's putting out here is right. They are old friends, but something is going on between them and directly across the street of that window Penelope's obsessed with. She gives Lord Debling all the answers and clues to put the pieces together.

I feel for Penelope because she feels like Lord Debling is her one and only shot at a husband, but Lord Debling is not a fool and has figured out about her and Colin. He's not wrong and the two of them would not have been a good match, but I feel bad for Penelope.

Colin running down this carriage, yes very unhinged behavior indeed! The boy is lovestruck! Those eyes when he says he cannot leave her alone! They are so in love and the total opposite reaction we see from him with the prostitutes. He is all emotion, all heart on his sleeve and I love to see it.

They're getting it on, they're doing it! Eeek, squee, all the feels! That moment after they start kissing where they look at each other to see if this is real and yes, yes it is! Then they get back into it hot and heavy. He's going for more and she gives the nod of consent. Yes, let's do this Colin! I've been spoiled about the fingering but it is hot! Yes Go get it girl!

Aww that moment of laughter between the two so cute! I've seen other posts on this and it's a moment where they are two old friends and giggling together and that is the nature of their romance and relationship and I agree. It's utterly adorable.

Ok!!! Ugh now I know why so many people can't wait for part 2. Fortunately for me, it's only a couple more days and I can't wait!!!! We're going to have Lady Whistledown drama, Eloise drama, a lot of Polin sex, and a marriage! I can't wait I can't wait!

[multiplicity-positivity]

Do you happen to have any sort of positivity post for fictives who lost their source, or it shut down, etc stuff like that? Or just some advice?

We recently found a figure of a character from an anime and mobile game we used to love back in ~2020/2021/2022 somewhere in there. It reminded us of it... and it alerted me to the presence of her. The character from that figure is actually with us. Upon putting her into simply plural, I went to find something to use as a profile picture. Only to find a reddit post that says "day 3 of drawing [source name] until EN shuts down" from sometime last year. Looking it up, it turns out the game was shut down about a year ago. I can feel she is feeling a lot of grief about it--and especially as she is probably still feeling a bit confused about everything if she is newly formed. I don't know the best way to approach this, as I myself just formed a few days ago.

Feel free to give advice if you have any, but it's alright if not.

-@cloverstarsys (the tag on our blog isn't giving us notifications right now tho so in just gonna tag a (mostly) blank sideblog so I get the notification lol @zakaithecatboy )

Hi! So first off, we did write a positivity post for introjects who have lost or can no longer access their source. It will be posted on Thursday night at 8:00PM EST!

And as for some specific advice for you and this headmate, the biggest thing that comes to mind is to remind y’all that it’s okay to grieve, to mourn, and to feel negative feelings. Trying to ignore the pain won’t make it go away, and often can make it worse! So if this new headmate is feeling lost, hurt, or sad that her source has shut down, we’d encourage y’all to allow her to grieve however she feels most comfortable (as long as she’s not causing harm to your body or other headmates, of course!).

If you haven’t already, maybe see about getting her a journal or some other sort of space where she can vent and process her emotions privately. Having an outlet is really important for any system member, and especially those headmates who often find they’re dealing with big, heavy, or painful emotions!

She also might just need some time and space in order to come to terms with this. It might be good to check in with her often, see how she’s doing and how she’s adjusting to life/handling the news about her source shutting down, and do your best to honor her requests (within reason). If she wants a bit of space, try to give her that! If she wants someone to listen to her gush about her source and recall fondly different aspects of it, try to be that listening ear! Simply having someone in her corner who is ready and able to provide support could be a wonderful thing for her.

Also maybe see if she would like to have a little photo gallery with pictures of her source that she can look back on whenever she’s feeling wistful or nostalgic. Our own alters each have their own photo album on our phone, and they fill the albums with whatever sorts of pictures they want! Definitely ask her beforehand, but if she’s interested in the idea, putting together an album or gallery with pictures from her source could maybe help remind her of it while encouraging her to make peace with the fact that it’s gone (kind of like a shrine or a grave in a way!).

We hope something here might work for y’all - we’re really sorry if nothing we said here sounds useful! We’re wishing this headmate peace, hope, and acceptance in the future, and hope that y’all will be able to form some positive memories together very soon!

[swanprincesspixie]

Hey, i apologize if this might be kinda negative, you can feel free to answer privately if needed

i was into shifting before actively, until mental health got very bad and i gave up at last year's summer, (tho after giving up i mini-shifted by accident few times, only my vision wasn't working in most of them) but those still didn't courage me to come back into shifting because i got the mindset even if i shift ill get back here anyways, sorry im just mentally ill i struggle with trying to be positive, im recently getting myself back, i intended and expected to shift a few nights, though i didn't had even slightest progress or any feeling like im close like how i used to have before, i think its either cuz im uncontrollably pessimistic or its because i can't take shifting serious anymore?, is there anything i can do to change my beliefs? Like any advices to unlearn anything i got into my head from a year of giving up?

Please don’t apologise! You have nothing to be sorry for💘

I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mental health and I hope you know you’re loved and worthy!

You wont shift back here unless you want to. Something that can maybe help you with that fear is just scripting “I wont shift back to my cr unless I want to”.

I think the reason we “fail” is because we’ve decided we failed. When you wake up in your cr after an attempt you instantly start questioning where you went wrong. One thing you can do is just decide “nope. I shifted.” Doesn’t matter if you woke up here!

I would just say to persist in the assumption that you’re a master shifter and always wake up in your desired reality. Everytime you have a negative thought just remind yourself you already shifted lol who cares about this negative thought???

I found that law of assumption has really helped me so here are some notes from my journal that I think could be useful for you (most of these are from tumblr so credits to the people who said these first but I just wrote them in my journal to remind me):

1. If you do not accept you failed, then you did not fail.

2. All realities are equal!

3. The less you feed the ego, the weaker it gets

4. We overcomplicate things because ego wants to understand so badly but self already understands everything.

Again credits to the blogs who said all this first, I’m sorry I don’t have the names but I just had these written in my journal because I found them helpful!

I hope there’s something in here you found helpful. I wish you nothing but success on your journey:)

[ananke-xiii]

okay so the thing that I personally like about that scene in the confession booth in "Paint In Black" is that, to me, it feels very real? precisely because there is no confession at all.

Like, Dean enters that booth knowing he needs to lie about his sins because he's on a case but then he ends up starting what the priest calls "soul-searching", aka the "examination of conscience". Now, this is cool because, techincally speaking, one should do that before confession, to prepare for it and to actually confess one's sins in a "sincere" way. However, since the first confession in a catholic's life happens before first communion, which in turns happens around age 10-12, it's not infrequent for young people (and not only them, I believe) to just... lie about their sins. I surely did because, truth be told, the church had sent us on a "spiritual retreat" trip to learn how to do this internal examination and do our first confession afterward but I was like: dude, I'm only 11. So I lied because the silence was awkward and I apparently just *had to have found* at least a tiny speck of sin inside myself which I honestly didn't.

So I'm not going as far as to say that lying at confession is a canon event for young catholics but that scene felt 100% absolutely real to me. Of course, fiction being fiction, that scene had to mean something else as well and Dean is neither catholic nor a teenager (and he's also bearing the literal first curse, lol) so his surprise at the "say four or five prayers and you're good as new" feels genuine. SO he starts asking (himself) questions, which is a good first step for some serious soul-searching: "I thought I was ready to die but what if I'm not? As a matter of fact, I'm starting to think that I'm definitely not and I'm scared because I want to live my life because maybe there is more to it than I thought". Woah, this is heavy, existential-level stuff. And, of course, we don't get to hear the real confession and I think it's fair and beautiful because: a. wanting to live life is not a sin to confess; b. how one wants to live their lives is nobody's business; c. confession is indeed confidential so it wasn't for our ears to hear it anyway.

What we do hear is Sister Mathias "confessing" to Dean that that guy was cheating on his girlfriend. She wasn't a priest so she wasn't bound to secrecy but she did bond with Dean and so she spilled the tea. She's presented a little bit like "Gina", aka a smokescreen: yeah she's the hot nun that Dean finds attractive but is she really? I mean, yeah she is hot okay, but Dean's attracted to her because she seems to have gone through something that's similar to that he feels he's going through as well and wants to ask her questions and know about her experience.

There's an unsual sensitivity for a Buckleming episode around Sister Mathias because she's made a very specific choice and she's not judged for it. She understood Isabella because they also happened to share a similar story made of "painful love". Because of that love, Isabella was forced, unlike Sister Mathias, to enter a convent even though she felt like dying when she did so. Isabella committed an awful act but I mjust admit that I feel sympathy for her because her life was undeniably sad and ended horribly. Even as a ghost, first of all she ended up in a foreign land (lol, ghosts language is universal I guess), but she was also eternally tied to that one painting made by the lover who "betrayed" her. She lost everything, she had nothing that belonged to her. Not even her journal was hers, because it had become her father's after her death.

It's interesting that, just like we don't get Dean's "real" confession, Dean didn't want Sam to read Isabella's journal. There’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that must stay secret. Or only told to and shared with the right person.

[ashotofhelena]

2025

Here we are again... in the twilight hours of the year. Time for some reflections and goals, as is tradition.

2024 was a year of twists and turns that somehow led me right back to the same place as I started in the beginning of the year. It was a year of taking chances, and caring less, and trying not to take everything personally. I learned a lot about myself, and also recognized some flaws I have that may be holding me back in life.

Looking back on the year, I am proud of myself and what I tried to do to achieve the year of change I wanted. I committed to things I wanted to do (writing class! reading, running), and definitely adopted an open mind to meeting new people & dating. Somehow, all that I tried to do did end me back in the same place I was at the beginning of 2024... dare I say perhaps even the beginning of 2023.

So 2025 will be the year of intention and prioritization. I plan to do things with intention, and prioritize this "change" I have been mulling over for the last two years. It will also be a year of taking charge, and putting in the work to see the things I want to happen, happen. So with that... here are some resolutions:

Run 1.5k miles next year! Crazy but I will be training for the New York marathon (!) so I think this will be achievable. I am going to tame myself and try not to set any goals for the marathon other than finishing it.

Read 30 books. I read 53 books in 2024 - a true feat that I am quite proud of! I want to dial it back next year, and focus on reading books I really really want to read. I want to focus on Russian literature, cyberpunk-esque science fiction, and the NYTimes top 100 books of the 21st century list.

Do more reformer pilates and yoga. I did my fair share of strength training this year, but want to add in more pilates and yoga to add to my stability and flexibility. I wanna be svelte in 2025!!

Look for a new job!! This has been something I just didn't do for the last two years. I do love my job, and my team but I really am just not growing at my current role anymore. I 100% need to prioritize finding a new job and making more money in 2025.

Re-learn Chinese. It is honestly embarrassing how little Chinese I know - I want to be better at speaking and understanding Chinese. Going to use some apps to start learning and see where that takes me.

Write / journal more consistently. I did a pretty terrible job of journaling this year, which sucks because I do think journaling helps me process a lot more. So in 2025, I want to journal more consistently, AND I want to write more... maybe some short fiction essays or other essays meditating on life.

DATING. To be fair to me, I really did try my best this year to date!! I went on a lot of first dates, and I also became emotionally entangled with someone who was very much emotionally unavailable (lol). It has been tough but I am holding out hope there is someone out there for me!! Adopting an abundance mentality to dating, and hoping I attract a man in finance, 6'5", blue eyes, trust fund!!

Slow down. I am such a go-go-go girl sometimes, and it is definitely not healthy. Learning to slow down in 2025, and enjoy the little things in life, and finding the beauty in the absurdity we call life.

2024 was all in all, a good year. A year of learnings, awe, and revitalization. I feel cautiously optimistic about 2025, and am really excited to build off of 2024.

[sunflowerhoney]

Hello darling! 💗 Can you answer: 8, 17, 19, 21, 31, 43, 54, 61, 66, and 84 for me? 🙂‍↕️🫶✨

Hello my love!! 🥰

8. What are your current goals?

Since it’s the New Year I’ve definitely been thinking about my goals a lot!! I’d say my main one is to save up more money and be more wise with my spending, especially since it ties to another goal that I (well we hehe) have which is moving to a new apartment!! I also want to eat out less and eat more food at home/cook more! I’m also hoping to get back into running again or maybe start a new hobby!

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

Trips or experiences, I’m not the kind of person who goes on a lot of trips but when I do like being able to splurge or do the things I want to do, I’m not the kind of person who tries to save money on vacation, if I’m on a trip I’m going to enjoy myself 😅

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

I’m pretty sure you did multiple times while we were getting ready for work this morning so…today 🙈💓💓

21. Do you keep a journal?

I did for a while In 2023 but then kind of stopped when things got busy, now I’m trying to start it up again though since I got a journal for Christmas

31. Something you did and you are proud of?

Getting promoted to my current position at work and making it 150 days self harm free :) (as of today!!!)

43. Who inspires you?

Not in a weird way but my boss, she’s one of the nicest people ever and is literally so hard working, she’s always wanting to do the best things for the clients we serve at work and is just an insanely selfless and self-made person which I think is really cool

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU LIKE BOYS YOURE A FREAKING LESBIAN 🗣️🗣️🗣️

lol but in all seriousness I think I would just tell them that things are going to get better, you won’t be stuck with your family that fights all the time forever, you won’t be stuck in New Jersey forever, you’re not bad or evil despite what people might say you’re literally just a kid who’s been through a lot and isn’t getting the help they actually need, you deserve more than what you’re experiencing and none of it is worth hating or hurting yourself over

61. Something you find romantic?

Sweet messages or gestures just because without having to ask, I love knowing I’m thought about/cared for it makes me all 🥰 plus my self esteem sucks so the feeling of being reassured feels very safe and romantic too

65. How would you describe your bad side?

Competitive, jealous, insecure, angry, negative, low self esteem, tendency to lash out when I’m feeling scared or hurt or coping with humor instead of addressing the issue, raising my voice instead of speaking calmly, having a difficult time disengaging from a hard conversation even when sometimes a break is for the best, very stubborn

84. Vodka or whiskey?

Vodka (because vodka cranberry…yum! 😋)

[corazondebeskar-reads]

on today's episode of ~tmi with toni~:

I was NOT a good girl 😭

I always share the good stories, but I think I'd do an injustice to my goal of healthy d/s rep if I didn't talk about the bad.

warnings for subdrop, safewords, and punishments (and a happy ending) below the cut, friendly reminder that this is also my kink journal and pls feel free to ignore this if you're only here for fandom or are going to be weird about it

I'm inherently not a brat. I was, once upon a time, but it ended up being one of those concepts better suited for fantasy than reality.

(We figured that out the first time he used a painless punishment, and it became very clear that a) I had been enjoying punishments too much, and b) I did not have the heart to handle disappointing him.)

this is all to say that I couldn't remember the last time I was willfully disobedient. that was, until two days ago.

one of the worst parts is that I got away with it in the moment because it simply did not connect for him. why would he ever think I was being intentionally bad? it's been years. maybe a fucking decade.

it started out normally; I was walking by, and he grabbed me and bent me over the bed. I was 1000% on board until I realized he wanted anal, and (this IS tmi with toni, pls remember) we were maybe too rough last time, so I was still raw and not looking to bleed.

I called yellow, and (I really want to emphasize this) he stopped immediately, stepping back and taking his hands off me while checking in verbally. I explained—not because I needed to justify the safeword but because I wanted him to know I was still down to fuck in a different venue.

He double-checked, because he's a soft dom and a worrier, and then he fucked my pussy. After a while, he slapped my ass and told me to get up on the bed on my back.

but reader, I did not want to. he was hitting it soooo good from behind. But instead of just... saying that or asking nicely, I decided just to fuck back into him until he got lost in the sauce and continued.

After a while, he told me again to get on the bed on my back. I really, really did not want to. That was probably the position I wanted least, so I climbed up and laid on my side in another position.

He still didn't realize it was intentional and just manhandled me where he wanted. Later, he told me he thought I was just cockdrunk. I was, but unfortunately, I was also being selfish and disrespectful.

He didn't notice, but I couldn't deny it to myself any longer, and got myself so upset in secret that I couldn't come when he told me to. (This is not something I get punished for. I usually can come on command, but if I can't, I can't.)

I confessed when we were done, but tripped and fell into a bad subdrop. Hence why I didn't get punished until today.

He held me and wrapped me in a warm blanket until I stopped shaking. When I was okay enough for him to get up, he got me juice and ran a hot bath. And did it again the next morning when I woke up shaky and achy from the comedown.

He didn't want to punish me, not after dropping like that. But he knows me and knows I needed it, so today, when I was able to take it, he caned me.

I know, I know—I'm a masochist, and we've already established that pain punishments don't usually work. but look. I do NOT like the cane. That cane and I are arch nemeses. It's evil and mean and I wish it a very good trip to hell.

Which is exactly why I volunteered it when we negotiated punishments. (and why if you've read my kink-adjacent works, it shows up as a villain lol)

TLDR; my dom is amazing, but now it hurts to sit. 😭

[mas-o-kissed]

Syscovery timeline for my own reference but posting here too in case this helps other ppl (tw for vague mention of trauma and self harm)

Early childhood stuff blah blah trauma etc. etc., I’ve experienced dissociation for as long as I can remember, and even though it’s not something I’m aware of experiencing now, I know that I did have full blackout amnesia a few times in my childhood with others taking over (I know of this happening because there were consequences)

Middle school I remember being aware of Navy fronting and getting very scared. I did a lot of like… stuff to myself with the goal of behavioral modification (keeping journals of the day’s events and self harming as consequences of unwanted actions). EDIT: To be clear, Navy was not doing the self-harming stuff. I was scared of him because his presence made me feel out of control, and “self-training” was our (Red and my) deeply unhealthy way of trying to avoid that feeling.

I think this may be when Red came about because to our knowledge she was an abuser introject and persecutor. This was also around the time I stopped seeing childhood abuser regularly. I felt like I was being guided in punishments to keep us safe.

Red was a constant presence throughout high school but only fronted in emergency situations. She was usually like… on my head talking to me and she looked like a little bunny. I thought that she and Navy were just one guy.

Late high school I became aware of Navy and Red as separate but I have no idea how. Lol. I just remember we all decided on name designations (mine is teal). I know I was aware of them because I remember drawing them and talking to them.

College was extremely lonely and we had very clear communication during this period. We felt it was very unsafe for Navy to be near front but we all needed an outlet so we started a vent blog lol. This is notable because it’s something concrete I can look back on.

I will mention that even though we were online we told no one, reached out to no one, and did not know what plurality was. I have no idea if it was really being discussed around this time? Which was like. 2013. I thought they were just really, really vivid imaginary friends and that I was a lil freak for having them.

Mid way through college we had a really intense period of dissociation. I think we experienced a split and the person fronting during this time did so for like a year and a half. It was very, very confusing. I distinctly remember the moment of returning to my body and after that the memories of that whole period kind of blurred so I don’t remember a lot of it. We still don’t know who that guy was and I don’t know if he’s around anymore. Like maybe we split and then re-fused together? Is that a thing idk

After this communication with others was really low. And after a while I kind of just. Disconnected from the memories of them. And had no idea I had forgotten anything.

I learned that plurality is a thing like. Very recently. I’ve known about DID for a long time but it clearly does not match my experience and I had thought that was the only way plurality could manifest.

Met some systems and memories slowly began to unlock as we talked to them about their own experiences

Realized that the reason certain characters we were roleplaying as felt so cathartic was because they were… Navy’s! That’s his guy. Our guy. Whatever. (I’m talking about Big Boss Imp).

Been really back and forth on denial about it. And we find that if we talk about certain things we will start feeling weird and disoriented. But!

We learned about PDID and ever since seeing that we feel a lot more. Legitimate. Like we are allowed to be this. Because there is a diagnosis that feels like it fits our experience. Not that it’s even a diagnosis in the US and thus not something we could actually seek! Lol. But since then it feels like I’m “allowed” to talk about it more.

(I am not saying that you need a diagnosis to talk about experiences. I am saying that our?? Gatekeeper?? I guess?? Really did not like us talking about it, but since making that discovery it feels like it’s a lot easier. That’s what I mean by “allowed.” Lol)

[whenimgoodandready]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! We can not stand ideally by and let this injustice continue! Someone needs to grow a spine and tell those oppressors to shove whatever it is they’re spewing at us up their a**! I’m talking to you Sabrina Raincomprix! You need to end that toxic “friendship” you have with Chloe and be more upfront! And you Ms.Bustier! You need to put your foot down and start disciplining Chloe for her b*tchy behavior! And I’m most definitely talking to you Damocles! You’re the God damn principal! Do your job! You worship an owl themed superhero and you’re not living up to the justice they were trying to preach to you!? Shame on you! Just how are these three gonna do that!? Let’s see:

*Confrontation-The class is taking an orientation assignment on what schools would be fitting for them regarding their future careers. It’s what they call Lycée. It’s how the French educational system works there. If one were to pursue journalism (Alya), they’d be more focused on literary courses. If one were to be a filmmaker or artist (Nino and Nathaniel, respectively), a performing art school is best! An environmentalist? (Mylene) Green Peace! A hairstylist? (for “unicorns”/“dragons” Rose) A beauty school! (Maybe she can style those flying T-rexes that now exist?) A love for helping people? (Sabrina) Nursing school. A spoiled b*tch who can do whatever the f*ck she wants cuz she’s got connections and another who can easily bullsh*t their way into life as long as they don’t get caught!? (Chloe and Lila crickets chirp) Yeah, they got no future for themselves :P. What about Adrien? He’s not modeling anymore, so what’s he gonna do!?…….he doesn’t know…….(whispers) sentibeing. With all these different goals in life, it makes them realize they won’t all be together next year and thus no more Le Resistance. Awww, that sucks.

To further sabotage Marinettes life, new class rep Lila and deputy Chloe force Sabrina to falsify the classes application forms with obscure careers (ex.Sporto Kim as a physiotherapist! Lol!) and leave Marinettes desire for fashion school untouched so as to place the blame on her with the excuse that she’s trying to get revenge on everyone for voting for Lila as class rep instead of her. The akumatized victim was Juleka who’s wish to be a mortician, (well, she is goth! But I thought she wanted to be a model!? (“Reflekdoll”). Oh well), is now saying she has to repeat the year! Again! Wait! When was this pointed out that Juleka was repeating the year? Did I miss something!? Another surprise that we were supposed to find out instead of foreshadowing!? Ugh! Whatever, she gets akumatized into her signature akumatized form, Reflekta, with her given miraculous power of The Tiger, and goes on a super megaton punching spree to vent out her frustration. Lame! But hey! I don’t have any ideas either on a villain who’s theme is repeating a school year! What would their look be!? What would their power be!? So yeah, they just…..went with what they know. The only difference is Reflekta can not only turn people into copies of herself, but also with her mind set!…..Eh.

Sabrina Raincomprix! Ms.Bustier! Principal Damocles! Let me just say, on behalf of everyone in the fandom, IT’S ABOUT F*CKING TIME! They say patience is a virtue, but whoever said that probably didn’t have anything good to keep themselves anticipated for next week! Sabrina finally put her foot down and outed Chloe and Lila as the culprits to the doctored application forms and even though Lila countered it by saying she (Sabrina) did it outta jealousy over Lila joining in the group, Sabrina did get one over on the both of ‘em when she and Marinette exposed the two over the crime and reveal Lila’s true colors. Marinette constructed a makeshift restroom with hidden microphones and a two way mirror (where did she get that!?) with help from construction workers and permission from the principal (how’d she convince him?). Although Sabrina had conspired a lot of misdeeds for Chloe, the pressure finally got too much for her as it included her whole class and trashing their future careers and it wasn’t worth it for a petty hatred against a single person. Just wish that inner courage was there seasons ago. For Ms.Bustier, she admitted she was too easy on Chloe for trying to get her to change, but she strictly tells her that from now on, it’s no more carrot! Only the stick! The cold hard stick! (Hmm, must be the pregnant hormones). Was this cathartic like we all assumed it would be!? Am I satisfied to see Chloe get busted and Lila exposed for the conniving little b*tch that she is!? NO! It wasn’t and it wasn’t cuz I was already spoiled by this, but because the girls did not actually get their comeuppance! Chloe easily got away with it through her dads mayoral connections (although Principal Damocles did stand up against Mayor Bourgeois and decided to quit so as not to be abused in hurting his own students anymore) and Lila or Cerise!? Just walked away, dropped her identity and went with another in a new school! WHO THE F*CK IS SHE!? (I’ve heard “Orphan” rumors!) Yeah, NOT SO CATHARTIC! The whole thing with “Cerise” was completely forgotten about during the reveal of how those “useless” anti-akumatizing charms work and there was no mention of anyone calling the ambassador mother about all this! Another sucky moment in all this was only Ms.Bustier apologized for not believing Marinette about “Cerise” and not Alya or any of her classmates cuz that scene was deleted for God knows why even though that would’ve been sooooooo much better for us fans to see and make it cathartic! (breathes) Now that the three I mentioned grew a spine, it’s a shame we’ll barely see any of it cuz of the remaining time the characters have before school ends and how the season is ending too. Despite that, good job Sabrina! You’ll make better friends. Ms.Bustier, show no mercy on Chloe with what little time you have with her in class (even though the next two eps are gonna be Hell!) and farewell Principal Damocles! Hope you find a new job and thanks for teaching us how those anti-akumatizing charms work! (and Congrats on breaking your speech impediment Juleka for encouraging him on that). Maybe next season we’ll see how they stay more confident and assertive?

[not-poignant]

For the meme!!! 21 - 22 - 23

We love a sequential number sequence :D

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

I mean, yeah, maybe one day! I don't want to quit writing, I certainly don't wish I could. I love this job! It's been my favourite ever job! It's also been the hardest fucking job I've ever done!!! But I still love it :'D

I don't want to say 'I'm never going to quit' - I don't know what the future might bring. The arthritis in my hands is pretty bad, maybe one day I'll be in too much agony to justify it. Maybe one day I'll just stop enjoying it. I don't believe in sticking something out forever based on how I feel about it now!

I can say with all confidence that I don't want to quit. The biggest flaw in this version of my job is that it doesn't pay super great for the amount of work that goes into it. BUT, it definitely pays better than working as a professional artist did, and there is growth, and amazing people do support the Patreon, so it's like...that flaw becomes less of a flaw over time.

I love this job. It wasn't one I would have picked for myself, but it's introduced me to the best people, it's something I feel I'm actually pretty good at (maybe I'm not, but this is a nice feeling to have), and it's kind of unique. I get to be my own boss (I'm a mean boss, but I'm getting better), and I get to work from home, and I can accommodate my chronic illnesses. I get to spend time in amazing worlds, with amazing characters, and then I get to reply to amazing comments and asks made by amazing people.

Like, when this job is going well, I feel like one of the luckiest people. When this job is hard I just groan a lot and take painkillers for editing headaches. But like, the good parts of this job are very good!!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I'm pretty organised.

So, all of my chapters are written in Microsoft Word and saved directly into Dropbox (with offline storage as well). All of my folders are also very well organised. I have a naming system for each chapter, and everything is chained together pretty well.

On top of that I now use Obsidian for worldbuilding (it's free! Though you can pay and they deserve money for their awesome service). I used to use World Anvil but found it too clunky for my personal needs. I have about 4 Obsidian vaults now (i.e. different worlds) and they look like this:

You can see a chained folder system on the left, and the graph view on the right.

And the information in the individual files is set up like a Wiki page:

Not all of my worlds get this treatment, but Underline the Rainbow, Vexteria, Mallory & Mount and something else I've forgotten about all have vaults. Fae Tales doesn't, because I didn't know Obsidian existed when I started worldbuilding for that, lol, so all of that is in Word.

And then I will on occasion just write in notepads and in Paperblanks journals when I need to brainstorm stuff. This part of the process is especially useful when plotting, brainstorming names or titles, or figuring out the end of a story.

I don't use Google Docs (don't actually like it), Scrivener (hate it, sorry Scrivener fans), or anything else. Word has its issues, but it does well enough for me. I actually formatted Perth Shifters in Word.

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

I write in a study dedicated to art/writing, because those have been my jobs for over 15 years. I sit at a large desk, and have a desktop computer with one monitor (I've wanted two monitors for such a long time), a decent speaker system, and a good RGB hard-drive.

It's a mess, lol.

Hang on let me show you:

I have stickers on the desktop by the immaculate WhiskeyRabbit. I have a bunch of art supplies, and art in various stages of completion (the raven is finished, Augus behind the raven is not). There's meds and supplements everywhere. I have my Metformin (diabetes meds) in front of me because I often eat where I work, lol. I have some Sank collectible toys on the subwoofer because I find Sank very inspiring. And lots of art behind me like I'm some 18 year old instead of the 41 year old I actually am.

Oh and like, some half-finished chocolate blocks, lmao. And some fingerless gloves, a tea-towel, notepads for my writing, a calculator for my wordcount, a little spiky massage ball for the muscle/fascia issues in my wrists from writing so much, and much, much more.

It's a very ADHD desk. I do not notice the mess, lmao.

To my left is my writing whiteboard which tracks my writing and the chapters I've completed for the year, and my yearly wordcount to date. It also has some pinned up fanart and gifts from readers to keep me going when things get hard! :D

--

From the Weird Writing Questions meme!