#d/s lifestyle

[older-dominant-daddy]

This should be a standard practice/ daily ritual anyway.

Part of being the Dom is letting your subs brain empty out.

if your sub has had a bad day and is tired of thinking for themselves then that is your cue to pull them onto your lap and finger them until they can’t think at all. cover their neck in kisses and bruises and watch all of their thoughts drain from those pretty eyes of theirs❤️❤️❤️.

[queer-petplay]

I keep getting doms in my messages and I just have to say: I don’t think even half of you understand the type of commitment it takes to have a submissive.

A true d/s relationship requires high prioritization. A submissive is trusting you to care for their emotions while you are wielding power of them. This isn’t a dynamic for someone who just wants kinky sex. You need to learn your submissive’s triggers, their trauma, their blindspots, and their nonverbal cues that they are past the point of being able to safe word. It’s not just about pleasure and getting off. You need to be prepared to reassure your submissive that they’re valuable to you as a person. Sometimes you’ll need to know that they need this when they might not know themself. Because to be a dominant is a power role. That power can easily become unbalanced and easily become abusive if you’re not constantly communicating and being conscious of the impact of your words and actions.

To any subs reading this: you deserve a dom who is educated about d/s and truly cares for you as a person. Have high standards. It can suck not to have a dom, but it’s so much more damaging to yourself and your future relationships to have a bad dom than it’s worth.

[zhxme]

would be nice being tied up in a chair with my hands bound behind me and my legs kept spread so that im completely vulnerable to whatever pleasurable torture im up for.

[anachronistica]

Put the work in.

i think it’s important when submissive and traditional women are unmarried to be constantly working on themselves. I feel the same way about Dominant and traditional men. Even though we are single, we should all be putting in the effort to learn to become the best partners for our dynamics as we can.

While I am no longer single, I mentor, coach and help many friends who are single in this lifestyle. These are my recommendations of why to continuously be learning and growing as a Dom or a sub while single, both sfw and nsfw.

Things a sub can/should do to prepare for a future Dom-

learn to cook and to set a proper table

learn to communicate in a polite, constructive way with no dramatic or abrasive tones

get into a good routine with cleaning and know how to clean / stain remove / disinfect all types of surfaces

have a decent wardrobe for casual, semi formal and formal attire

work on any weight loss or gain / appearance / health related (mental and physical) issues to keep yourself healthy

read up about common dynamic rules, expectations, day in the lifes, etc. to see what you like and don’t like (as well as collars, contracts, etc.)

learn to budget , grocery shop, meal prep / plan, learn block schedules techniques

do basic research on gardening, canning, food preservation / storage.

have strong knowledge of Dom/sub sexuality, kink, and common expectations

most importantly - find your limits and your dealbreakers on what you do and do not in a partner and both sexually and dynamic-wise. Make notes. Know what you need before you start vetting.

What Doms could do to prepare for a future sub-

be fully educated on the lifestyle, Domestic discipline, Trad living, consent, freeuse, contracts, types of commitment collars, all of it

have rough outline of expectations, rules, routines, future goals for what they would and would not expect from a sub (that can be eventually tailored to your specific dynamic)

Know their preferred methods of domestic discipline to use

work on their career, securing a decent career and stability

build up all savings accounts and investments

secure a decent place to live / buy a home with the thought in mind of having a private space for discipline to be conducted

have solid formed opinions about common topics brought up during vetting and lifestyle discussions

know their kinks and sexual expectations but don’t be gross about it when presenting it

Anything you would add or subtract?

[queer-petplay]

Yesterday i kneeled in front of my partner and barked at them until they took out their dick for me to blow them 🐶

[zhxme]

“whats wrong sweetheart? is this too much?”

they said in a condescending tone, pressing the wand more harshly on my clit.

i trembled and thrashed as best as i could as i sat on their lap. legs spread with my hands bounds. unable to see anything against the blindfold tied on my head.

i made a desperate muffled sound to make an incoherent protest against the gag.

“whats that? more?”

they pressed a button on the wand to upped the intensity. the overwhelming pleasure making me squirm and try to escape the torment as i felt my whole body break.

the orgasm hits me violently, juices trailing down to make a mess on their lap.

“good job baby~ how about you give me another one for me?”

[tinybitsubby]

We’re almost done.

There’s something about those words. If you’ve spent time over someone’s knee for discipline, you probably have an instant reaction to these words too.

I was disciplined last week for a situation that falls under one of our “will result in a spanking” rules. I hadn’t realized my mistake at all and was caught off guard when called over to him and instantly laid over his knee. It was only his hand, but this man can tear it up with those huge hands.

A few minutes in my dress was pulled up and I’m sure my bottom was already quite pink. I was trying to remind myself not to hold my breath so much when he rubbed my back and said,”okay, we’re almost done”. There’s something so sweet about it, it seriously warms my heart.

Those few words, in that understanding tone, acknowledge that he grasps how uncomfortable I am. Sharing that it’s almost over gives me renewed hope that I can make it through to the end. But, at the same time, he establishes that he’s in charge and it’s going to continue because he feels it needs to continue.

Discipline through spanking is a tricky balance. Somehow he finds it. I feel loved and cared for, even while he can tell I REALLY want this spanking to be over. He acknowledges my pain, while remaining the strong leader our dynamic requires. Three little words let me know he’s right there with me.

[zhxme]

its a crime im in bed sleeping with no panties on and not waking up with someone’s fingers touching me or dick inside me.

[anachronistica]

do you really want it?

One of the most common pitfalls I see in D/s dynamics, especially for submissives, is the tendency to focus too heavily on personal wants that don’t simultaneously benefit their Dominant. Don’t get me wrong, we all have individual desires in life-like that must-have book or a killer pair of shoes. But within the context of a D/s relationship, the essence of submission lies in prioritizing what pleases the Dominant.

True fulfillment for a submissive often comes from serving, fulfilling their Dominant’s wants and needs, and finding joy in the act of giving. When our focus shifts too far toward personal whims, it can disrupt the balance that makes a dynamic thrive.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that many Dominants fall into the trap of over-prioritizing their submissive’s desires. They become overly focused on ensuring the submissive’s happiness, sometimes at the expense of their own. While this might seem like the ultimate expression of care, it can unintentionally lead to a dynamic where submission begins to fade. Why? Because submission, at its core, thrives on structure, leadership, and the natural flow of power—not on a Dominant constantly catering to the submissive’s every whim.

The key here is balance. A healthy D/s relationship is built on mutual compatibility and shared goals. Finding a partner who aligns with you fully. Not just in terms of D/s style but also in life goals, sexual compatibility, and long-term vision. This is crucial. When the foundation is strong, there’s less friction between the Dom and subs wants and needs, because they naturally align.

When a submissive’s wants already resonate with the Dominant’s, and vice versa, the dynamic becomes less about one person serving the other in an uneven way and more about mutual growth and fulfillment. That’s the beauty of finding someone who checks as many of your boxes as possible. It ensures that both partners are uplifted and fulfilled without compromising the power exchange that makes the dynamic so unique.

Ultimately, success in a D/s relationship comes from understanding this delicate balance and nurturing it. When both partners are on the same page, the connection deepens, the submission thrives, and the Dominant leads with confidence. And isn’t that what we’re all striving for?

[tinybitsubby]

Conflict is difficult in any relationship. If you practice D/s, it can make conflict easier to work through, but it’s also possible that it makes even harder. Power dynamics will always come into play when someone is hurt or feeling overlooked.

We had some conflict over the weekend. He hurt my feelings and it felt like he stole the joy out of a situation that usually makes me happy. I waited a bit and then told him he really hurt my feelings and it’s hard not to resent times he puts a dark cloud over things I love to do. He said he needed time to process the information.

It frustrates me when he wants time to process. Although it can be a healthy strategy for getting things right, and not just running with your first reaction, in that moment of letting him know I’m hurt, I’d really like some reassurance right then. I don’t think there’s any wisdom in trying to force the conversation if one party isn’t ready. So asked him to please let me know right away when he could talk about it.

Without D/s, I’m sure I wouldn’t respect the space he needed and would have instead pushed him to keep the conversation going. But he told me to give him space and I did. Understand that I can only do that because I know he loves me and I trust that we will be revisiting my hurt. This would not work with someone I cannot trust or that would just brush it off and never let it be brought back up.

He came to me after an hour or so (THAT FELT LIKE ETERNITY) and listened, apologized and we discussed how it might have been handled better. Before D/s it definitely would have blown up OR I might have just kept my feelings to myself. Just another way D/s is the right choice for us.

[zhxme]

gagged, blindfolded, noise canceling headphones on. kneeling on the floor with my hands bound as i sit on a dildo while having another toy in my ass and vibrator on my clit. making a huge mess under me as another wave of pleasure takes over me. making me tremble as i struggle to keep bouncing on the toy.

the only thing encouraging me to keep going are the few forehead kisses and pats i get every few minutes.