#did i say i love tony
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So I watched the warp effect (I am officially in my joongdunk era and I have accepted my fate). After stewing on it for a few days there is one aspect of this show that refuses to leave my mind. I am talking about the commentary on trauma and rejection explored through Jean, Kat, Alex, Captain and Tony. (All of the following is my interpretation of the show. I am not sure if some these were actually intended by the creator of the show or stuff I just made up in my head on my own. Because I have indeed done that before many times. Well this is what I got from the show whether it was intended or not.)
Jean had a traumatizing sexual experience with Alex, whereas Kat had a traumatizing rejection experience with Captain. Jean and Kat were in completely different situations, having completely different traumas that manifested in completely different ways. However, what remains the same is the fact that trauma changed them both as people. It changed the way they interact with people, and it changed the way they thought about themselves.
I believe that trauma, no matter how big or small, will change a person forever, sometimes overtly and sometimes so subtly that the people themselves don't realize it. And even if they manage to overcome that trauma and move on in life, those changes that trauma caused don't magically go away, they remain as a part of their personality. The show reflected this too.
Jean's change was very obvious, probably because till the end of the original timeline she was never able to get over her trauma. Her conversation with Kat on the rooftop of their school revealed how she lost her confidence because of her experience with Alex. Years later, it was through another conversation with Kat by the swimming pool that it was made obvious that she still hadn't regained that confidence. It was pretty obvious in the JeanKat bar scene too. Jean was never able to forgive Alex despite liking him in the original timeline, and she was never able to forget her trauma either.
Kat's change is also pretty obvious at first. She understandably felt extremely insecure and unsafe, fearing she will get attacked even though she knew Captain was in jail. It is this fear that pushes her more towards Alex and making her somewhat dependent on him. I thought it was pretty ironic that Alex was the one who caused Jean's trauma yet he is also the one healing Kat's trauma. Alex made Kat feel safe. And while I do believe that Kat did like Alex to some extent (she had been hooking up with him regularly for 10 whole years), the reason she wanted to date Alex was not because she liked him but because she felt safe with him. She was seeking security from Alex, not love. The result was that it became very difficult for her to bounce back to her previous carefree lifestyle despite still not wanting to be tied down by anyone. Even though she was able to come out of the trauma Captain caused her, her attitude towards men, especially unfamiliar men, had completely changed.
It is at this point in my essay that I must declare that Tony is my favorite character in this show. And it's not entirely because he is played by Joong. Tony healed a part of me that I was struggling with for a long time. That is why he has a very special place in my heart. It is because I haven't found a Tony in real life that I am still single. (Yes, I am pushing the blame of my forever singleness on a fictional character I just found recently.) (Yes, before that I blamed it on other fictional men I didn't like half as much as I like Tony.)
My most favorite scene in this show is the one where Jean rejects Tony after trying to sleep with him. The way Jean reacted after reliving her trauma, the way Tony immediately picked up on her discomfort, the way he tried to reassure her that they didn't need to sleep together despite having no idea what went wrong, the way this reassurance did nothing to comfort Jean. The rejection from Jean, especially after she had been the initiator of the whole situation, was surely very hurtful for Tony and also a huge blow to his ego. Yet, he had the kindness and patience to let Jean say everything she wanted to say to him. He also had the empathy to wish her well when he still had no idea what she was struggling with. I also love that he left immediately after instead of trying to stay and comfort Jean. She told him to leave, and he did. No questions asked. And he managed to do all of that while being in a very vulnerable situation.
I feel like I have to mention the CaptainKat rejection scene even though I really don't want to. It made me way too uncomfortable. Let's just say that the main reason Captain lashed out at Kat was that he couldn't heal his bruised ego. I will never understand how you could hit someone you apparently like enough to want to date them.
Moving on to another scene I really liked, the bedroom scene with Kat and Tony. Actually, Kat and Tony happen to be my favorite pairing from this show. I find their dynamics to be very interesting. I kind of want a Kat and Tony spinoff where it shows how their relationship progressed in the original timeline. Kat and Tony hooking up was to be expected after their first encounter at the bar. Tony clearly found Kat attractive, and he was clearly intrigued by her attitude (my man has a type and I don't fit that at all, so I would be single even if Tony was real). If he had not been pursuing Jean at the time, and if he had not been the loyal type, he would have totally hooked up with Kat. But if that had happened, Kat would probably not trust him as much. I refuse to believe Tony's respect for the person he was actively pursuing was unrelated to Kat's decision to keep sleeping with Tony.
Anyway back to the bedroom scene. This entire conversation was so interesting to me. At this point, TonyKat had been hooking up for a while and become quite close to each other. But their relationship was not exclusive and Kat was sleeping with other people too like she always did. And now Tony was starting to like Kat enough to want to date her and he wanted to let her know that. Tony's opening for this conversation was to ask Kat how many people she was sleeping with currently. Her answer was no one except Tony. I fully believe that if she did have other sleeping partners, the rest of the conversation would not have happened. Tony would have ended the conversation there. Maybe he would revisit this topic sometime in the future, maybe he wouldn't. But certainly their relationship would have progressed very diffetently.
Back to the conversation, Kat reveals that she stopped sleeping with other guys because they all always end up wanting to date. She keeps coming back to Tony because with him she can come and go freely as she pleases. This part of the conversation shows how much Kat trusts Tony. Later on in the conversation when Tony expresses his willingness to date her, she doesn't seem all that surprised. Nor does she seem wary of him. Which I find very interesting because in this very conversation she talked about ditching guys because they wanted more from her. I believe that the reason she is so chill about the whole thing is her trust in Tony. I think she trusts that he will always respect her decision no matter what. Which makes me very curious about what happened between them from their first hook up to this point. She seemed willing to consider the possibility of dating Tony. She even asked him to get her food. Which I found very interesting considering she refused to eat with Captain because it went against her hook up rules. So why do the rules not apply to Tony? What happened to make her like him so much? What made her trust him so much? And what made Tony like her so much in the first place? Because not that long ago he liked Jean, and he seemed to like her a lot. I really want a spinoff of their story. At this rate I will end up writing a fanfiction for myself.
This started as a discussion on trauma and somehow ended up being an exploration of the TonyKat relationship. Oh well. It is what it is.
#the warp effect#did i say i love tony#i also really like kat#i woke up too early and couldn't go back to sleep so i wrote an essay#i am way too invested in the tonykat dynamics#i have a feeling i will end up writing about them again
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i've had some thoughts rattling around my brain about Keen since episode 9 showed us flashbacks of the boys as kids when they were adopted and then a little older when they started their training for real, and this week's episode just added more fuel to the fire.
i think one of the saddest things that the last couple episodes have really exposed that a lot of people might miss because of the other bombshells that have been dropped is the fact that Keen was set up possibly even worse than Fadel and Bison were in this life. they were adopted together, told they were going to be a family, and then Lily manipulated them all into becoming who they are as adults. she lucked out that Bison and Fadel liked each other so much and bonded so strongly to each other, and she used that bond to isolate and control Keen in a completely different way.
Keen's desperate to be in the field like the other two and to be sent on missions; he doesn't have the same set of skills that they do and wasn't able to develop his talents in the same way, and it's clear that Lilly took the natural aptitude of Fadel and Bison and turned that into what they are now, but she chose to push Keen into the behind the scenes aspect of the business. she's also made it clear from the start which set of talents she values more as is clear from the way she glares at Keen when he can't shoot his bottle in the flashback.
Keen isn't given any kind of reassurance or support for missing his shot, or told to try again; Lily answers Bison's questions about why they need to learn to shoot by telling them that they have to learn to protect themselves, then she gives Keen a few more judgey looks, implying it's something she doesn't expect him to be able to do. the next scene in the flashback is her giving Bison and Fadel their first assignment, and by this point Keen has already been relegated to being the paper guy and having an office job.
these kids all lost their parents and are gathered up by Lily at the same time and told they're going to be a family; they look like they're all roughly the same age. we all know how seriously Fadel and Bison take to the brother relationship, but Keen is pushed to the outside of this by Lily and her priorities. i had figured before episode 10 that they had been trained together for a longer period of time and maybe Keen had just not gotten along with them because he was jealous of their talents, but Fadel telling Style that he doesn't really know anything about Keen besides that they were adopted at the same time says to me that Lilly purposefully kept them apart instead of it being their choice.
Fadel saying they don't care about Keen makes me so sad for him. the fact that he only really knows that Keen was adopted at the same time and does other work for Lilly that's not in the field means they don't care because they don't know him at all. they haven't had the chance to bond with him the way that they did with each other. they weren't pushed together with him; they were pushed to each other, and Keen was pushed off on his own to watch them be the favoured children and struggle by himself.
imagine your parents are murdered in front of you, you're scooped up by this woman who says she's going to take care of you and build a family with you and two other boys your age who have been through the same experience, but then you're not as good as the other two boys at the tasks she sets you, plus the two of them deeply connect to each other and fall into a sibling bond and leave you outside of it. that you're kept so separate from them that despite being a "family" for years, they know basically nothing about you, while your shared mother keeps dangling the things you want right outside of your grasp.
she's driven a wedge between the boys so deep that Keen resents Fadel and Bison enough to WANT try to kill them himself, while they don't have any idea that he would even be willing or able to. he's been kept so far out of their notice while their successes and talents have been constantly waved in front of him as well as being consistently put down by Lilly for his mistakes and inadequacies. she's pushed Keen into a corner and made him think that it's Fadel and Bison's fault for putting him there instead of it being a way for her to control him and keep him under her thumb.
Fadel and Bison have given the impression from the first episode that it's the two of them against the world; brothers bonded so tightly together that nothing can shake that. they have a Mother, but really they only have each other. it's the two of them and it always will be. but there were three of them. there were three boys when this started. and they don't care about Keen. he's alone.
i'm really hoping that the current situation snaps Keen the rest of the way out of Lilly's control. he should have already figured out what his future looks like if he really wants out of the family business like he's promised Thanon, because if he's known the entire time that Fadel's last boyfriend got murdered instead of just leaving, he should be fully aware that they face the same fate if he tries to leave Lilly. with that knowledge plus finding out that Lilly killed his parents along with Fadel's and Bison's, hopefully he turns on her and helps the others take her down. her lack of hesitation to send him or other hired hitmen after the two favoured sons should be a pretty clear signal to him about her willingness to off him as well at the drop of a hat.
fingers crossed that Keen and Thanon get to have a happy life far away from Lilly and that he finally gets to have an actual family that doesn't involve manipulation, abuse, and murder.
#i hope all those kenta fans out there love keen just as much because he's been pushed around by lilly the same way tony did to kenta#have i turned myself into a keen defender? apparently#fadel saying he doesn't care about keen made me so sad tho and it was such an offhand comment from him that here we are with this long post#also let pepper and jj kiss on screen i am BEGGING you gmmtv pls#i mean unless they don't wanna kiss then that's okay too but like come on they're in all the boy kissing shows but never get to kiss boys#let them take a turn okay it's time#the heart killers#the heart killers meta#the heart killers ep 10#thk meta#thk ep 10#thk keen#thk fadel#thk bison#thk lilly
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rewatching the marvel movies as a thirtysomething adult trying (finally) to heal from 20+ years of severe mental illness and trauma and actually doing the work to do that really hits different. but also not that different. i've never understood the obsessive love the fandom has for tony stark and i understand it even less now.
the avengers within the mcu were never a cohesive unit (or, you know, actual friends) because they were constantly at the mercy of a severely mentally ill billionaire who consistently and unapologetically allowed his trauma and illness to explode outwards and harm others and then he would wallow and whine and use his considerable wealth to attempt to mop up the mess he created. he never got real help. he never put an effort into seriously trying to heal and it damaged not only every single person around him but random citizens and cities.
"but he was a good man at heart!"
yes. he was. that is not enough. that man was unwell and a danger to himself and others. he knew that and yet he continued to cause chaos and spread his trauma to other people. mental illness or not, that is selfish. his sacrifice at the end was noble but it doesn't undo the decade before that.
it's kind of mind boggling that steve, of all people, gets shit on the most in the fandom when the first two captain america movies (notably movies without tony btw) were the only movies with a shred of actual real competency and friendship in them.
#i swear the obsessive love for him has to be projecting or daddy issues#the coddling he gets both by the fandom and the narrative is some serious 'i can fix him' teenage logic#anti tony stark#i would actually like to make it clear that i don't hate tony#he's a complex and fascinating character#but people are always saying 'why weren't the mcu avengers cohesive as a team' and um it's quite blatantly because of tony#also his stans are.........let's go with enablers#wow look at me having an opinion on fandom-y things#i genuinely did not think i could do that anymore#mcu discourse
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say what u will about barry allen but no other superhero has had a worse time. you come in, take up another heros mantle, be a hero for however many years, DIE!!! actually die not comic death but die to the point you are functionally irrelevant for 20 years you completely cease to be that character and the vast majority of people grew up with a different flash, get resurrected you're back now (yay?), writers don't know what to do with you because there's already another flash and there has been for the past two decades so the entire universe kinda hems and haws about what to do with you until they take you out of your main comics and just have you chill in the justice league, then you lose your powers and are once again no longer the flash.
I need a "where are they now" but for Barry Allen flash. dead for Twenty Real Life Years. come back to life. reset the universe. just to lose your powers and be booted again from the superhero title. God himself hates this man
"Oh wally got erased from existence" "well x happens to Batman" it's not even about what happens in the narrative it's like. you're the only mainstream superhero ever that stopped existing for two decades and when they do decide to bring the character back they have no idea what to do with you so you're eventually forever relegated to the sidelines And also you're not the strongest or the most skilled or the fastest flash and they keep retconning all the special stuff You did in specific and refuse to let your narrative exist beyond Dead Mom. bartholomew baby I'm so sorry
#:v#Barry Allen#DC comics#the flash#It's just like. idk I really like Wally and I grew up with him in the cartoon#wally is what made me love the flash!#but why can't there be space for both of them. there's like 80 different batmen.#and Barry is so different from all the other speedsters you know? hes methodical and stops to think twice and is cautious#everyone else is silly and hot headed and impulsive#not to say Barry isn't silly or impulsive but he's not like. Hal you know?#he's level headed and his jokes are more like Dad puns then anything#idk I just really like Barry and I feel like the comics Don't#Also I forerv have beef with new 52 ENOUGH WITH REBOOTS#new 52 is why we got those dogshit movies idc idc 🙄#Also I'm fine with superheroes going through shit constantly I think especially with like peter parker and barry allen#the appeal there for a lot of people is they're regular nerdy guys who get beat up a lot and constantly fall down#but they always get back up#it's why making Peter a ceo in the comcis didn't work#That's not really what his character is ya know?#he's not a tony he's the down on his luck guy who can't afford eggs this week but he will still save new york#anyway I wish they could just do what marvel did and let there be two spidermen. why not ya know?#im sure the appeal is there. give us them both Please
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ominous and threatening sketchy ... sniffle ...
★ some extra stuff under cut :



some concept drawingz i made for the little guyz of an unfinished fic of mine



and headshotz that i redrew digitally
#the bit where sketch iz quoting a bible verse iz based on the jacksfilms reactbot#like . i can't watch a clip of that thing saying that without thinking “damn . sketchbook core” for some strange reazon#why . of course !!! itz cuz hez an angel who can do no wrong !!! my sweet sweet guardian angel !!!#and the first one waz like . made ironically#i waz gonna do a follow-up drawing that would be like “cloze your eyez . spooky ...” while i writhed in bed – y'know mouthwashing reference#but whatever . therez alwayz next time#im have mixed thoughtz on the humanizationz – i still feel like shit when i think about that unfinished fic#i might tweak them if i ever try to finish that thing ; i just wonder if they'd hate me for thiz#sigh#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis sketchbook#sketch the sketchpad#dhmis hv sketchbook#^ hez the only one from the hv au actually included#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis colin#colin the computer#honestly . i felt kinda awkward giving sketch dimplez – ive had people tell me to smile less becauze they make me look bad in photoz#and like . i get it . theyre right – i don't want them to have to put up with that too#i just really wanted to project smth of my own onto them#i did the same with my acne . but actually i really love my acne . it makez me look masc az shit#now all i have to do iz get tonyz killer eyebagz and facial hair and id be perfect ....#i dropped the ball with the digital drawing'z coloring huh ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ#well . what can you really expect from me#i dunno#like and subscribe and comment what your opinionz on the conceptz are and maybe i won't burn my house down !!!
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Sometimes I feel bad about my own tendency to self sabotage my personal life and career, but then I read a tony stark fanfic and I am reminded I could do way worse.
#and i say that with the utmost respect#self sabotaging tony os my fave#his life in shambles because of things he did himself is my kink#tony stark#mcu#stony#especially in stony or stuckony fics#like#yes girl break up with yoir boyfriends that love you because you had a bad day#he just like me fr#stony divorce#marvel
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Favorite Tony + Angela Moments Per Episode - 3x6 (Part 1)
#tonyangela moments#one of my favorite episodes#the most married#we were robbed of their actual wedding#in love#soulmate things#they just live together and raise each other's children#she was so real for saying that#cause truth#who's the boss#tony x angela#angela x tony#tony micelli#angela bower#judith light#tony danza#3x6#love#faves#i love them#cute things#no slow burn ever did it like them#perfect couple indeed#it's giving luke/lorelai marriage talk vibes
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HI AZZIE HII it's doll !!! have you ever shared about coffin in your au? or maybe what kind of relationships they may have with the other teachers(?) if you have shared this IT'S MY BAD but i am really interested in your story. i demand answers /nf /vvvpos (i really enjoy your writing! sorry if this comes out of left field and you can reply to this any time you'd like. TAKE YOUR TIME)
oh, thank you so much for this question, Doll!!
Coffin is basically the dollhouses grim reaper/personification of death, much like Tony is the personification of time, Coffin has existed for millennia’s , I never had an idea in mind for when exactly they first showed up, probably around when humans (puppets? Objects?) started existing. (Idk maybe she did animal funerals before people started existing)
Coffin has always tried to blend in with the people around her, I’ve had a fun idea that it has a grim reaper outfit for every decade of fashion to fit in and not draw suspicion, she always got weird looks anyways though, just due to general appearance and mannerisms
Coffin became weary of people and forming relationships, both due to seeing so many people die that they eventually saw no point in befriending or dating mortals if she would always outlive them and also saw how much harm humankind (puppetkind?) could do, always spending more time with animals than any mortals.
(also probably some abandonment issues due to Tony kinda just disappearing from her life in the 60s but shhhh)
and I think those feelings would extend to the teachers as they would meet them all, she’d definitely nudge the walls down a little around more seemingly trustworthy puppets like Tracey and Sketchbook while it would actively judge Shrignold and Warren before talking to them.
#The puppet graveyard#withholding some information feels like keeping a bomb in a cardboard box#Tony and Coffin did know each other long before the events of dhmis (and subsequently the current time the au takes place)#God I love my goober queen#Next major art piece will definitely be a redraw of “The Rise And Fall Of A Midwest Princess” album cover by Chappell roan with Coffin#I love my wife what can I say???#:3#dhmis#dhmis coffin#paula the postbox!!!#don’t hug me i’m scared
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joe and eva’s emotional post-challenge hug and tony and sarah’s emotional post-fire making goodbye hug gotta be my favorite survivor moments
#got me crying at BOTH#eva trusting him enough to say hey I have autism#these are what my episodes are. Why they look like. what I do in them. and here’s how to pull me out if that ever happens#and then their tribes split and she has an episode and gets to hug her and pulls her down from it with EASE#he said he wasn’t gonna let her down and man If they do not reunite imma be MAD#and he said that he’d want someone to treat his own daughter that way!!#and Sarah and Tony. my cops r us. my sweet best friends.#i absolutely love the relationship they formed after past drama and just how well they did#and how much they loved each other#I love when survivor has genuine relationships. gotta be one of my favorite things#nobody’s listening l
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oh i do so love megan bayne and her little freak together
#witness me#wrestling#JUST saw dynamite what a great match#megan & penelope are so good together i really like their energy#it took me a minute to get hype for megan bayne but when she stood up terminator style after the hip check#and did the jaw pop thing i was like OOOOKAYYY I LOVE HERRRR#and like i say i looove her with penelope#penelope ford is so fun i love her matrix dodges and her big fluffy entrance coat and her freak behavior (licking)#im really excited for dynasty!! i think having toni lose this tag team match was a really good setup for it#the upset gives her a reason to buckle down and get serious and it gives legitimacy if she drops the title there#sooo happy with the women's division in aew lately yay women
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What a missed opportunity not to make Seward and Van Helsing gay lovers in which Seward calls him daddy
Oh yeah they really could have, it would absolutely have been the tone of the novel and Van Helsing is even interested in men in it. But no, they just make him jerk off with Jonathan, be pathetic and Jonathan almost pitying him.
Some part of that book were good but others were Absolutly Not :,)
#dracula#the book is called The Other Dracula btw#it's a retelling of everything from Jonathan arriving in pensylvania to... Bit after Lucy's death ?#They say 'yeah we said in our diaries that we chased after dracula but we never did lol - what ACTUALLY happened was...'#It is SO incredibly explicit. Plus it's in french which really struggles to make things sound sexy#it was such a beautiful mess and i love it#'his ardent fire poker' is still in my brain#L'autre dracula#(and it's by Tony Mark)
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Lady Gaga is so cool, she literally just does whatever she wants. Mainstream pop, then weird albums, an Oscar-winning movie/soundtrack, two jazz albums, now she’s apparently in her Dolly Parton era? Every time I hear something new about her I have to be impressed
#I say this as someone who is not her “fan”#I like some of her songs and yk obviously I had to like “Die With A Smile” (it’s so good y’all)#and I like how she did two albums with Tony Bennett and I love “Always Remember Us This Way”#but I just think it’s cool how she’ll literally dabble in anything and everything#elly's posts
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always there ... unchanging ...
★ original image under cut :

#tony can say sketchbook is just like chester . but the truth of it is much more shocking#y'know . you become the person that you needed at your lowest point . etcetera etcetera#also hey coffin fans . did you miss chester ? i sure did#i need to draw him more#although it's difficult given his uhh#situation ...#ahaha ...#i love drawing his and tony's fucked up lil teeth#they're so bad at dental care <33 [totally not projected that onto them or smth]#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#dhmis coffin#dhmis hv chester#dhmis sketchbook#dhmis hv sketchbook#doodle#digital doodle#my love for them is NEVER ENDING#I NEED TO SQUEEZE THEM. I REALLY REALLY DO.#i don't even CARE that this is gonna flop so bad . I LOVE THEM REGARDLESS !!!!
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AND FOR THE WOMEN AS WELL, WWE AND AEW JUST KEEP ON FEEDING US😈







(In response to my other post with male wrestlers)
#i did. one with homoerotic male tag teams that people love why not do it for women wrestlers that ppl love😈#🥰🥰🥰#kris statlander#rhea ripley#iyo sky#mercedes martinez#toni storm#shayna baszler#chelsea green#sonya deville#these posts are mainly aimed at me when I say l for the gays💀💀#anyways happy early rainbow month🤙
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we rewatched mr america last night and omfg tim's complete and utter dread upon hearing that gregg is at the townhall debate, he almost seems scared. tho i truly feel that gregg was only there to give the producers the shaggy da vhs he made and then ended up having to sit because the event started. i dont even think it would have devolved into fighting if tim hadnt brought up RUNNING THE VICTORVILLE FILM CENTER like how could gregg ever let that slide
#i feel somewhat confident in saying mr america era is probably the lowest point in their relationship#love tims complete lack of ability to stop himself from fighting with gregg#toni cant believe it#i would love to know tonis perspective on their relationship#like did she even know that he and tim had been doing a film show together?
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The Avengers (1963) #29
#I went back and checked her original appearances as an Iron Man villain in Tales of Suspense (1959)#and this issue is notably the first time Natasha has been portrayed as brainwashed#originally she was motivated by genuine loyalty to the Soviet Union#as well as fear of punishment for disobedience or failure#and she was initially just manipulating Hawkeye but then she developed genuine feelings for him#and from there she no longer wanted to serve the Soviet Union#but she did because they threatened her parents#though I noticed that in her first appearance#before Tony realized she was a villain#he thought ‘What a cold woman she is! So unmoved by all this excitement!’#and then at the end he says ‘All that beauty outside… but inside… nothing!!’#which is very similar to how Clint characterizes her here and ‘cold’ ‘distant’ and ‘unemotional’#and this is reminiscent to me of Natasha’s characterization in flashbacks in Black Widow: Deadly Origin (2010)#where it was emphasized that she wasn’t yet a whole person#and her face was sometimes drawn with a blank expression#also I’m kind of charmed by how clearly Clint’s love for Natasha is purely physical attraction#marvel#natasha romanoff#clint barton#my posts#comic panels
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