#detriment but really he is not making a decision he’s just going for it and rationalizing it later

[poprockspillage]

running in circles about ocelot today

[ofbreathandflame]

Wait actually, I lied, here’s another thought:

I think it’s interesting that Rhysand never does these personalized selfless things, similar to how we see with Tamlin. There are so many moments that we witness take initiatives of kindness divorced from how he feels romantically for Feyre, or even his own family. When he goes to bury the Fae, he actually doesn’t want Feyre to come along. And she doesn’t. It’s a moment of just pure kindness that begs nothing in return. Even though Tamlin views Feyre’s family as lacking, he still chooses to return there entire wealth, even before he’d even actually fallen in love for Feyre. He didn’t actually expect anything from her. When she doesn’t say ‘I love you,’ he lets her go, even a detriment to himself and even his court. He doesn’t prioritize his own happiness over hers, weirdly (and ironically enough, considering maf). Even the act of falling for her, he doesn’t rush, so much so that Feyre never really actually notices the direness of his situation.

It’s so weird how much he allows her to discover for herself. So much of their love-story is Feyre observing Tamlin - partially because Feyre’s first introduction is Tamlin, so it makes sense her observations are more poignant. This sounds so pro-Feylin, but like I just noticed that we rarely get moments like that with Feyre and Rhys that aren’t already pre-perceived for us. Tamlin, although he’s supposed to, doesn’t initially want anything to do with Feyre - he’s feelings are developed overtime. This comes at a change from Rhys who, the entire time we know him, seems to already have feelings for her. Feyre never has to *do* anything to have his affection. So much of Feyre’s narration in MaF is just what Rhys said a few chapters ago; she’s never coming to her own conclusions.

In comparison, every Rhys seemingly does always seems to benefit him to some extent. Or to impress Feyre. There are never these moments where Rhys earnestly grapples with people outside his immediate circle. There’s such an isolated mess about his character. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it but this seems like what I’ve been thinking. Tamlin often does things out of kindness that come to his detriment. He saves Feyre when he didn’t have to, he saves Rhys when he doesn’t have to; and these decisions don’t…benefit him. He does it because he has a journey and realizes this is the right thing to do. It’s so weird how’s he unintentionally an actual nuanced character simply because…he faces consequences

[fxrmuladaydreams]

make it work (mv33)

max x reader , george x reader (platonic) , toto x reader (paternal)

summary: you and max try to find a way to make your now very public relationship work

prev part

The following days after the Twitter reveal are spent staying inside Max’s apartment. Neither of you really leaves unless absolutely necessary. There’s a thick tension in the air now as well, as if you’re both walking on broken glass.

When it’s finally time for the next grand prix and your meeting with Toto you and Max discuss how you’re going to enter the paddock. In fear of making things worse you make the decision to not go in together, that way there’s less of a chance you’ll be swarmed by reporters.

You come in with George, who’s quick to put an arm over your shoulders and steer you away from any cameras.

“Netflix would have a field day.” He says under his breath as he pulls you towards the Mercedes building.

George lets you go once you’ve made it inside, looking around at all of the other Mercedes employees. Some of them give you weird looks, like they’re judging you, but most give you sympathetic glances, as if they know how all of this is going to play out.

You watch all of the media panels throughout the day. Whenever asked about your relationship Lewis says he had no idea what was going on, George says it was a surprise to everyone but he wishes the best for all parties involved, and Max snaps that he’s only there to talk about racing, nothing else.

Max meets with you after press is done for the day, the two of you heading into the Mercedes building to speak with Toto.

George exits the office just as you’re about to go in. He gives you a sympathetic smile and squeezes your hand.

You enter the office with Max behind you. Sitting behind the desk is Toto, looking down at some paperwork. Standing next to him is Christian Horner. You’re surprised to see the two of them together and not biting each other’s heads off.

“Sit.” Toto gestures to the two chairs at the opposite side of the desk. He looks up at you as you sit down, and tosses his glasses onto the desk.

You all stare at each other in silence for a moment, as if deciding who should speak first. Toto is the one to break the silence.

“Do the two of you realize what kind of trouble you have caused us?” His asks quietly. His eyes travel back and forth between you and Max. He sighs and leans back in his chair. “I can’t fire George, he’s still got a few years on his contract.” He points at Max. “I can’t fire you, because you’re not my driver.” Then he looks at you. “But Y/n, you are my assistant. You are the person I entrust with handling a lot of work that would be detrimental to the team if a rival were to find out.”

“I swear I haven’t said anything about anything.” You shake your head.

“It’s true.” Max chimes in. “She hasn’t spilled any secrets. It wouldn’t matter anyway though, seeing as I’m driving the better car.”

Christian laughs, only stopping when Toto gives him a stern look.

“The point is the two of you need to sort this out. Tell everyone that this was just a fling and it’s over.” Toto says.

“That’s not happening.” Max crosses his arms over his chest.

Christian sighs. “I told you he was stubborn.”

He looks at Max who just stares back up at him. You’d seen moments between the two of them before. They shared a father-son type of relationship. It was clear that Christian truly cared for Max and only wanted the best for him.

“We’re not breaking up. So find another solution to your problem.” Max looks back at Toto.

Toto glances back at you. “Y/n, I’d like to speak with you alone.”

Christian walks towards the door while Max turns to you.

“I’ll be fine.” You nod, giving him a soft smile.

He stands up, leans down to kiss the top of your head, then follows Christian out.

“That’s quite the headstrong young man.” Toto pulls your attention back to him.

“He cares about the people he loves.”

“And he loves you?” Toto raises a brow.

You feel your face heat up. “I mean, I think so. He’s sweet to me. He takes care of me.”

“And you love him?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out quicker than you expected.

Toto sighs, then stands up and walks to the front of his desk, leaning against it. “I care about you Y/n. You’re the first assistant I’ve had that’s been able to keep up with all the work I’ve piled on them. You get along well with both Lewis and George. You’re a lovely person. But dating Max Verstappen is a line I didn’t think you’d cross.”

You sink down in your seat, just waiting for the final blow.

“I trust that you haven’t given him any information about us. And I believe that you do for some reason truly care about that menace of a boy outside.” He nods towards the door. “So I’m sure that there’s a way we can make sure this works for everyone.”

You sit up straighter as your eyes search Toto’s for any chance that he’s lying.

“Really?”

“You’ll both beed to sign a few NDAs, but I’m sure it will be manageable.” He nods.

Before you can stop yourself, you stand up and wrap your arms around Toto, pulling him into a hug. He slowly pats your shoulders, returning your hug in an awkward way.

“Thank you. Thank you. I promise you won’t regret this.” Your eyes well up with tears.

“We’ll see. Just make sure I don’t see a Red Bull driver wandering around our garage.” He says with a smile.

You nod, then exit Toto’s office. Max leans against the wall next to the door, not having even left the hall. He cups your face with his hands. “You’re crying. What happened?”

“Nothing, they’re good tears.” You grin at him. “You were right. Everything’s okay.”

He smiles. “When have I ever been wrong?” He wraps his arms around your waist.

He leans down to kiss you just as the door to the office swings open.

“No Red Bull drivers allowed in the Mercedes building. Out.” Toto nods down the hall.

Over the next few days lawyers draw up NDAs for both you and Max to sign. He complains about it while you scribble your name on the papers. He signs just under your name though, promising he won’t reveal any secret Red Bull information to you.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders after you sign the forms, like you’re no longer buried under this huge secret anymore.

You can walk through the paddock hand in hand now. You can give him a good luck kiss before he has to go to his garage. And you can finally be there to celebrate his wins with him.

The Red Bull photographers snap a photo of the two of you after that race. Max tugs his helmet off his head, then practically runs over to you. You stand with the other Mercedes staff, your white polo clashing with his blue race suit. His hair is pointing in all different directions, and his skin shines with sweat, but the smile on his face is breathtaking. He pulls you into a kiss over the fence. It’s sloppy, and uncoordinated, and the crowd screams their heads off.

Later that night you see a notification from Instagram. It’s a shared post, from both Red Bull and Mercedes.

redbullracing and mercedesamgf1

liked by georgerussell63 and 58,635 others

tagged: maxverstappen1 and yourusername

redbullracing Our favorite couple on the grid 💙❤️ + 🩵🤍

[bliss-in-the-void]

I am a SatoSugu blog but I need to have an ItaFushi moment.

Listen. Personally I’m not the type to ship something if it doesn’t have canon moments that could support it, I just have trouble believing that it would be realistic, and for a while (in the first season) that was me with ItaFushi. I didn’t mind it, but I was like “eh, it could be a platonic only thing for sure”. But now. Nah. Just. Hear me out.

Megumi always says to Yuuji before they separate, “I’ll kill you if you die.”

Which they both know, we all know, that’s a very empty threat. But the weight of it is so, so heavy when you consider Megumi’s personal motivations and core values as a person. He reveres people who he believes are good down to their pure essence. He even told Todo that a person like that is his type. The second he met Yuuji, he knew Yuuji was exactly that. So, realistically, Yuuji is canonically Megumi’s type. But that’s beside the main point I want to make.

My main point is: Megumi specifically told Gojo that he wanted Yuuji’s life to be spared, knowing how detrimental his existence as Sukuna’s vessel was to the world.

“Personal feelings?” Asked Gojo. He knew immediately. He raised Megumi. When do you think Megumi has ever asked him for anything? Yuuji was instantly that important to Megumi. He just saw Yuuji’s pureness and felt the need to protect it despite otherwise being discerning and rational—he made the very emotional, very irrational decision to go out of his way and have Gojo keep Yuuji alive.

So when he says, “I’ll kill you if you die.” when he really just wants Yuuji to live more than anything else, he’s saying to Yuuji in his own angsty-bury-my-feelings-behind-harsh-words-way: “I cannot handle the thought of your death.”

Megumi, who is rational by nature.

Megumi, who knows Yuuji is a dead man walking already.

Megumi, who wants Yuuji to live anyways, despite knowing that.

Megumi, who loves Yuuji so deeply it scares him to admit it.

[cal-flakes]

╰┈➤ “i’ve got you..”

warnings: mentions of depression, restricted eating, descriptions of drug misuse.

summary: y/n can’t think of any other way to alleviate her pain. (this was a request, but i accidentally posted it instead of saving draft so the ask is gone.)

four days, it had been four days since rafe last heard from her, and he was starting to get anxious. the last time he saw her, she looked as though she wasn’t really there, more of a hollow shell than she’d ever been. he knew why, he knew she was spiralling, but she’d never disappeared on him like this before.

four days was a long time for them to not see each other, let alone not even exchange a phone call. rafe knew she needed some space, he knew she preferred to be left alone when everything came back up, and he was okay with that, as long as he knew she was okay. but this time, he didn’t. he had no clue.

he’d left phone calls, voicemails, texts, but to no avail. sighing, he swept a palm over his face in frustration, making the decision to just go over there.

he knew she’d be in, barry had called him a couple hours earlier to let him know he’d seen her on her way home from her shift at the wreck.

topper had also called him the day prior, having been to the wreck for some lunch with his mother. he took notice of her gaunt face which lacked colour and any sign of emotion. he made sure afterwards to pass this information onto rafe, letting him know she didn’t look good at all.

and it was true, she didn’t. she hadn’t been taking care of herself like usual, y/n couldn’t even remember the last thing she ate. she had no energy to wake up in the mornings, never mind eat and look after herself.

she settled on coffee and energy drinks to keep her going through the day, and then allowing herself to dissociate for hours when she got home.

the last few days y/n had been on autopilot. wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep…it felt like it would never end. the pain in her chest only grew when she thought about it.

she never thought doing a deep clean of her apartment would be so detrimental. coming across an old photo of her and her late brother as kids certainly wasn’t on her to do list, and have it uproot her life for the next few days wasn’t either.

she missed him dearly, not a day went by when she didn’t think about him, her big brother. and it hurt. it hurt so much to the point she was now trembling, looking at the crumbling pills in her hand.

they were old, but they were the next best thing compared to sweet nothingness. utter bliss, is how her friend had describe them to her when she bought them a few months prior.

her friend was somewhat of an expert when it came to downers, he knew his shit, and she trusted him not to give her anything that was too much or too little.

falling back against the couch, allowing the pills to slip down her throat with a sip of water, she waited patiently for them to kick in as she stared at the television.

rafe on the other hand, was on his way over, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel restlessly. he’d finally given in to his worries, too anxious to keep his promise of space.

he just had a bad feeling. sure, he’d seen her in all sorts of states before, she’d been through a lot, so he was bound to experience the highs and lows. but this, this was different. y/n had never shut him out like this before, and his stomach was doing flips every minute.

the range rover screeched to a half outside of her apartment building, the patter of rain echoing throughout the car as it landed on the roof.

pulling out the key, he twirled the bunch in his hand nervously before getting out to head inside. fortunately, her apartment was only on the second floor, so there wasn’t too many stairs to climb.

all measures of privacy were thrown out the window as he neared her door, pulling the spare key from his pocket.

he took note of the lack of noise in her apartment, hearing nothing but the television on an unusually low volume. it was eerily uncommon for y/n to not have music and the television on, as well as whatever devices she had in use in the kitchen.

his heavy footsteps padded through the hallway into the open living room where she sat, completely unaware of his presence. “y/n?” no response.

rounding the couch, he planted his feet in front of the television, causing her to jump at his sudden appearance. “y/n?” he asked again, his usually confident tone faltering.

“r-rafe…what…here?” she mumbled, her eyes flirting between him and the floor, barely open.

his mouth fell agape as he really took in her appearance. her cheeks were hollow and her eyes were unusually glassy, which was unfortunately familiar to him. he’d seen the same look in others eyes, completely catatonic.

slowly, he moved towards the couch, sitting down beside her to get a better idea of her current state of mind.

her head turned slowly to face him, still slumped against the back of the couch as a weak smile flashed across her lips.

“have you taken something?” he questioned, leaning closer to observe her. her head shook ambiguous, almost not answering his question as she reached a hand out.

looking down at her open palm, his jaw clenched as his eyes met the white residue left on her fingertips. “how many did you take?”

her hand trembled as she signalled a two with her fingers, her eyes now avoiding his.

pulling her in gently, he rested her head against his chest, his other arm reaching over her hips to pull her closer. she sank into his arms as he stroked her hair, pressing the odd kiss to the crown of her head.

“i wish you’d let me help you angel, i’d have been here in a heartbeat if i knew you needed me..” he muttered, his eyes now welling with hot tears.

tilting his head, he lay his cheek on top of her head as she rubbed hers against his chest, a silent nudge that she was listening.

her free hand clasped around his elbow, weakly pulling his hand from her head, his brows furrowing as she did. his confusion subsided as she interlocked her dainty fingers with his.

her eyes remained fixed on the television as they held each other, scared the other night fade away if they let go.

“i’m not going anywhere baby, ever. m’kay? i love you so much..” he whispered, a few stray tears seeping into the roots of her hair.

she nodded slightly against his chest in agreement, letting out a breath as he shuffled on the couch, moving to lie down. pulling her further onto him, she nuzzled into his arm as they lay there together, sharing silent tears.

“i love you y/n, more than you’ll ever know…”

[causenessus]

love notes

part 0.05. intros.

EXHIBIT ONE: COFFEE ENTHUSIASTS

l/n y/n °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

college student majoring in photography <3 also works at onigiri miya on the side but spends a lot of her time doing client portraits and taking photos in her free time to add to her portfolio and get experience. really enjoys taking photos of street art, including graffiti and interactive pieces because she thinks they have so much meaning and significance. wanders around with suna a lot as they look for more art. went to itachiyama and knows sakusa the best but they both became good friends with inarizaki because atsumu would always bring osamu and suna with him to visit them in high school. y/n would sneak glances at suna when she thought he wasn’t looking but was always too nervous to say anything. in college, they grew closer and things became more comfortable as their friend groups hanged out more. she's allowed suna on her private account because it's where she posts most of her thoughts since her main account has to be dedicate to photography.

akaashi keiji & sakusa kiyoomi °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

akaashi

double majoring in literature and photography <3 whenever their classes assign group projects, akaashi, y/n, and kenma usually all work together. even on individual assignments, they usually go out together to keep each other company while they find their focuses <3 but he’s really going thru it, spends a lot of his time and money in coffee shops (and takes advantage of getting free food at onigiri miya). doesn’t have a very big booking schedule for client photography because he’s so busy but he’s always booked because people are obsessed with how good his eyes and skills at editing photos are. met and got to know y/n at the high school games between fukurodani and itachiyama when she would come to take photos of the volleyball team for publicity.

omi

wing spiker for the msby college volleyball team and majoring in athletic training. frequents onigiri miya but will only eat what y/n or osamu makes. he definitely grew close to y/n and trusts her because she’s just as much of a clean freak as him. their first interaction went something along the lines of her watching someone on the vball team trip on her equipment bag and her coming up to sakusa saying “your teammate just touched my bag with his dirty sweaty shoe and now i have to sanitize it. please tell them to stay away from my stuff.” and he was immediately sold. sometimes feels like the caretaker of his group, making sure everyone’s taking care of themselves because akaashi and y/n often get in the habit of partnering together to make bad decisions or locking themselves in a room to cram for classes

miya osamu & kozume kenma °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

osamu

went on a whim and started onigiri miya while also going to school for a degree in hospitality. works most nights with yn allowing them to grow pretty close. in high school, she also felt the most comfortable with him out of all the inarizaki boys and he would tell her all kinds of stories about suna because he could see how she looked at him. they still usually gossip while they work together and he definitely enables her whenever she feels like doing something (as long as it’s not harmful to herself or detrimental to her future!!!). whenever msby travels to away games, he usually gets the chance to set up a stand outside the court and will leave yn in charge of the tokyo location. is also close besties with akaashi because they share an immense love for food and has given him a free pass to eat there whenever he wants (atsumu on the other hand pays and sometimes gets a discount, usually only if yn is the one taking his order bc she feels bad for him)

kenma

photography major and part time streamer. literally is the only reason yn and akaashi have good cameras because he’ll give them his old ones whenever he buys a new one or will buy them equipment they need as a present. (in return) yn and akaashi definitely help him in general classes. feeds and has basically adopted a cat that somehow climbs their window sill everyday. he’s like the keeper of his dorm because he’s always home so whenever someone is out and has forgotten something, they’ll always spam kenma asking him to “pretty please” bring it to them. posts a lot of the photos he takes on his main twitter account. definitely takes a lot of street photography and spends more time editing photos that people send in but sometimes does portraits if requested.

extras <3

yn, akaashi, sakusa, and kenma all live together

osamu doesn’t pay rent but he’s often over bc he doesn’t want to be amidst the chaos of his actual roomates

kenma’s been forced to keep his depression clutter limited to his room because sakusa and y/n are both clean freaks

(sometimes if he lets her, y/n will come in to help him organize and clean his room)

sakusa often ends up cooking for everyone to eat because he knows no one will eat if they have to make something themselves

his one rule is you cannot be in the kitchen as the same time as him or he will stare you down

y/n usually just makes something for herself at onigiri miya but she’ll always take sakusa’s cooking over it

do not come at me abt how the real world works with businesses please 😭 let me be

taglist: @wyrcan @oyasumeii @froyaoya @gyuijns @nbcvs (form to be added to taglist! <3)

m.list | next

[five-and-dimes]

Dimes/Cheshyr Dreamling Week Masterpost

Oh hi. Didn't see ya there. In honor of Dreamling Week 2024 I am finally compiling my Dreamling fics (which is... all my Sandman fics lol) into a nice convenient masterpost.

Enjoy my excessive hurt/comfort shenanigans:

Your Eyes Slay Me Suddenly (King/Knight AU, 5.8k words) Hob is a knight for King Morpheus, and while they're clearly into each other, Morpheus has some secrets getting in the way.

Run Away (But We're Running in Circles) (Canon Divergence, 10.8k words) Dream isn't really loved- there are just people in his life who love everyone. Hob and co. work hard to prove him wrong.

Off Book (Human AU, Explicit, 890 words) Dream knows that every interaction has a script, even if the words he's supposed to say aren't really what he wants.

As You Always Were (Human AU, 2k words) Hob is finally coming out to his boyfriend. It goes... different than he expected.

Unsung Lullabies (Canon Divergence, 30.7k words) Hob is tasked with watching Dream after he is turned into a small child. In the process, he learns a lot about the things that shaped his lover into who he is as an adult.

A White Blank Page (Canon Divergence, 4.3k words) Hob lashes out at Dream, but it's hard to apologize when Dream thinks he's done nothing wrong.

Mountain Sounds (Vampire/Werewolf AU, 6.3k words) There are many who think it's wrong for a vampire and a werewolf to be together, and so they try to tear them apart. They go about it the wrong way.

Next to Nothing (Retired Dream, 6k words) Dream thinks his difficulties as a new human are a personal failing. Determined not to burden Hob with his struggles, he ends up hiding things he shouldn't.

Undisclosed Desires (Canon Divergence, Explicit, 4.7k words) Hob learns that Dream has never experienced receiving oral sex. He decides to fix that problem immediately.

100 Years of Drowning (So What's a Few More?) (Canon Divergence, 4.8k words) Dream doesn't think it's necessary for Hob to know the details of his imprisonment, even if it makes some things harder. That's all fine and well until Hob wants to shower together.

Sloom (Canon Divergence, 5.2k words) Hob wants to meet Dream's family, and Dream fears the consequences of Hob learning that the other Endless are so much better than him.

Smile Like You Mean It (Canon Divergence, 4.6k words) Hob is determined to hear Dream laugh, and Dream is determined to hide it.

Endless. Not Everything. (Canon Divergence, 5.3k words) Dream is under the impression that Hob is not attracted to his masculine form, and decides to do something about it, even to his own detriment.

Come Morning Light (Canon Divergence, 6.3k words) In which Dream has nightmares about Hob speaking to him with someone else's voice.

Now I Lay Me (Canon Divergence, 10.5k words) Dream is tired of being a person, and so choses to dissolve into the Dreaming in order to preserve his function while still being gone. Those close to him have a lot to say about that decision.

Body and Soul (Canon Divergence, 3k words) Dream is willing to give Hob anything he wants, but his body is sometimes louder than he is.

Safe in the Palm of Your Hands (Canon Divergence, 2.1k words) During a panic attack, Dream shapeshifts and flees somewhere he feels safe. Coincidentally, there is a mouse in Hob's apartment.

[ghostboneswrites2]

A Mess - Volume 2

Part 3

Summary: How the Savior war and the loss of Rick affected your relationship with Daryl.

Warnings: profanity, loss, spoilers, character deaths, smut

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Chapter List

Note: man, one of the teasers I pulled from this chapter sparked some interest 😅

Well, @thesadcatt0, prepare for ANSWERS.

Anyways, I’ll shut up now. Enjoy ❤️

all banners credited on the masterlist!

        The lineup may have well been the worst day of your life. Two of your friends gone, and your lover taken against his will right in front of you. 

        The days without him we’re almost as bad as the day he was taken. You barely ate, never slept. You constantly found yourself crying in your shared bed, sniffing his pillow in place of him. It seemed so cruel to lose two loves in one lifetime.

        You had agreed to go to Hilltop with Rick and some others. You didn’t really know why you were going or what the plan was. You were just desperate to get out of Alexandria for a while. And, you wanted to see Maggie. You hadn’t seen her since the lineup, and she was pretty sick back then.

        You gave Maggie a big hug when you saw her, but before you could really catch up, the gates opened again and a loud engine echoed within the walls. Through the dust you could just barely make out Daryl and Jesus riding in on a motorcycle. 

        Daryl had barely stood up off the bike before you tackled him to the ground.

        “You’re okay.” You cried into the nape of his neck. He stiffened at the sudden human contact after days in isolation, but he relaxed as his arms snaked around you and held you tight against him. 

        “Yeah. I am.” He whispered into your hair, reminding not only you that he was okay but also himself. It had been a long few days at the Sanctuary, but now he knew things about them, and he had to report to Rick. They had to fight back. “C’mon.” He said softly as he tried to sit himself up off the ground. You rolled off him and stood up with him, gripping his hand tightly as he walked over to Rick to hug him. 

        That reunion was probably the highlight of the war with the Saviors. After that, there was nothing but more violence and death. You had begun to believe you were cursed. It seemed like you managed to end up with some kind of injury every time you had to fight. 

        When the final battle with the Saviors was over, you were left with a broken arm and a concussion. While your arm would take quite a while to heal, your head was fine the next day. The people that really needed healing were Maggie and Daryl. They both wanted Negan dead, and neither of them could let it go. But, Rick was unmoving on his decision to keep Negan alive as an example of what the communities all could have been. He was loyal to Carl’s vision, even at the detriment of those who had a score to settle with Negan.

        The inability to cope with Negan’s life being spared caused a bit of a rift between you and Daryl. You’d followed him to the Sanctuary for the short time he was in charge there. He hated being there, and he didn’t even really want you there in the first place. A lot of the Saviors were just people getting by, but a lot of them were also animals. He hated the way some of the men would check you out and lick their crusty lips when you walked past. It made him sick to his stomach to think what they’d do to you if they had a chance.

        The only time either of you felt any semblance of happiness at the Sanctuary was when you were both in bed.

        The frustrations of the work would often leave Daryl tense, and he’d take those pent up frustrations out on you in bed. The sex got a lot rougher in those days. 

        He’d turn you over so you were facing away from him. He felt too ashamed of himself to look at you, or let you see him. He was ashamed of the way he had failed people over time. He failed to get Beth out of that hospital, he failed Glenn when he threw that lunch that got him killed, he failed Maggie when he couldn’t avenge Glenn, he failed Rick every day he woke up to lead the people he hated, and he failed you every time you reached for his hand and he flinched away. 

        He’d grip the back of your neck with his thick hand. His cock would slam into you with so much force it knocked guttural sounds from within you. Your fingers would dig into the sheets when the bruising force of his thrusts got a little out of hand. 

        His mind would always be elsewhere. You’d rarely reach your climax, either of you. You’d both go to bed unsatisfied and you’d be sore the next day. Still, you were close to each other, intimate in privacy, and that was as good as it was going to get for the time being, so you both tried to enjoy it as much as you could. 

        When Daryl stepped down at the Sanctuary and Carol took over, you left with him to help work on the bridge. With the Saviors not always working well with others, things could get pretty hectic. Fights would break out, and often Daryl would be an aggressor. It was hot and sticky and bugs were everywhere all the time. The tent you shared was cramped and the nights were restless and uncomfortable. You couldn’t even have violent therapy sex without others listening in. There seemed to be no end to the suffering. Still, you remained by his side, no matter what.

        You stayed with him even when Rick blew up the bridge, when Daryl retired to the forest for six years. You’d often visit Hilltop or Alexandria to see old friends, but you stayed out there in that tent with him. Things were okay. He had become a bit softer, even in bed, but still he was withdrawn. You ate most of your meals in silence.

        Days dragged a lot of the time. When you got so bored you couldn’t stand it, you’d just take another trip to visit Maggie or Michonne and spend a few days away. He didn’t seem to mind, nor did he seem to worry about you taking care of yourself without him, so no harm done, you figured.

        One day you came home to see he had a dog. A dog, named Dog, apparently. 

        “Where’d you find him?” You asked as you patted and loved on the furry thing. 

        “Just out here.” He shrugged. He was holding something back, but you didn’t pry. You’d find out what it was soon enough, when you put the few tracking tips he taught you to good use, and tracked him on one of his hunts to find him at an old cabin. Another woman sat on the porch with him, long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulder. 

        She noticed you as soon as you noticed her. She stood quickly, shotgun cocked and ready, barrel pointed right at you. You disregarded her completely, eyes trained on Daryl, who you didn’t think had any business at another woman’s house. 

        Dog stood pointedly at her side, growling and snarling at you. You realized he was her dog.

        Without a word, you just nodded, and stormed back to your camp. 

        By the time Daryl caught up, you were haphazardly throwing anything that belonged to you in your bag and rummaging around the campsite. 

        “(Y/N)—“

        “Don’t.” You cut him off.

        “It wasn’t—“

        “Wasn’t what?” You snapped, turning to face him, eyes blazing. “Wasn’t what it looked like? Yeah, right. Heard that one before.”

        Your body was trembling with rage. Considering the events that led to your relationship with him in the first place, you were infuriated that he’d be doing the same thing to you as your sleaze bag ex. We’re you eternally cursed to choose unfaithful men? 

        “No. It wasn’t.” He pleaded. You glanced down at Dog who sat idly by his side, tail wagging. 

        “Really? Cause I’ve never known a woman to loan anyone her dog without a good reason.” You glared. 

        “She didn’t. Dog found me. I followed him. That’s how I met her.”

        “Oh, cute. It’ll be a real nice story for your grandkids.” You rolled your eyes as you zipped up your bag and threw it over your shoulder. 

        “(Y/N) will ya just stop?!” 

        “No!” You shouted, throwing your hands up with frustration. “No, I won’t stop! If there’s anything you should know by now, it’s that I’m nobody’s fucking side piece.” 

        “It ain’t like that! If ya’d just stop and listen!”

        He pleaded with you as he stalked behind you, slapping stray limbs out of his face as he dodged through trees to keep up your pace. He found that he, too, was shaking. He felt so much anxiety in that moment — the possibility of losing you, especially over something so stupid — it was tearing him apart. He found himself blinking away tears as you tried to speed away from him. But, as he blinked them back, the pressure in his throat and chest just seemed to push more out. He was terrified. He couldn’t let you walk away. 

        When he caught up, he reached out and gripped your arm, pulling you back. You spun around and looked right through him, eyes wide and full of your own tears.

        “(Y/N), please. Just stop and listen.” He breathed. 

        “You have thirty seconds.” 

        “It wasn’t nothin’ like that, okay? I swear. Her dog follows me around. I bring ‘im home to her sometimes. We talk a little. That’s it.” He explained. 

        “Why don’t you just talk to me?” You asked quietly. You had a point. You two spent the majority of your time in silence, to the point where you’d leave him for days just to go have a real conversation with someone. You always came home, though, because you’d rather suffer in silence then be away for too long.

        “I just—“ He took a breath to collect his thoughts. “She don’t know about none of it, ya know? I just.. I don’t look at her and see somebody else I let down.”

        “Is that what you see when you look at me?”

        “No.” He shook his head. His gums were raw from how hard he’d been chewing at them. “I see somebody I’m afraid o’ lettin’ down.”

        “You never let anyone down, Daryl.” You said harshly. “And you’d know that if you’d fucking come talk to our family once in a while. I’m tired of telling them you’re doing fine, even if you won’t crawl out of your fucking hole and go see anyone.”

          “I just..” His lip quivered a little as he looked down at you. He hated that feeling. His fists bunched up at his sides, legs stiff, boots glued in place. He felt so awkward and vulnerable when he tried to be open with anyone. Especially you. All he wanted was to be someone you relied on, someone you felt safe with. Every time he opened up, he felt like anything but that. “I’m sorry.” 

        His voice cracked as he uttered the apology. You faltered a little at the sight of him, but you stood firm. 

        “Well, sorry ain’t gonna cut it this time. I need you to prove it. With actions.”

        “Like what?” He asked eagerly.

         “Like talking to me, for starters. Have a fucking conversation with me. Talk to me while we eat dinner. Touch me. Act like you want anything to do with me.” You spat. While his voice had softened the moment you gave him a chance to explain himself, your tongue was still sharp and jagged. All these things you had thought and felt and bottled up for six years were finally out on the table. 

        “Okay.” He nodded. “I will.”

        You glared at him. In all your experience with men, it had never been so easy to get the changes you’d asked for.

          “And…” You thought hard. “Sex. Like, good sex. I haven’t busted a nut in like six years.” 

        His lips curled a little. He’d almost forgotten how blunt you could be, given the chance to speak your mind. You crossed your arms.

        “Okay.” He nodded again. “So what first?”

        You cocked an eyebrow at that. It was actually a good question. 

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

        The bark of the tree scraped at your back as you gripped onto his shoulders. Lewd sounds filled the forest around you has he pumped his length in and out of you. You moaned and gasped, enjoying the familiarity of such intimate sex. It had been a long time since it felt that way. 

        Still, you weren’t reacting the way you used to, and he took notice. He wasn’t building you up the way he should have been by now.

        He slowed his pace down and broke the ongoing kiss to ask you; “What’s wrong?”

        “What? Nothing.” You panted impatiently, not understanding his sudden hesitance.

        “Somethin’s up.” He pressed.

        “I was starting to get close.” You insisted.

        “Nah ya weren’t.” He pointed out. “Hang on.”

         He hooked his hands under your thighs and dripped down to his knees, holding your legs up above his shoulders as his mouth found your mound. 

        You sucked in a breath of air at the sensation of his tongue tracing delicate circles around your clit. “Oh.” You breathed. “Shit.”

        He hummed against you, the gentle vibration making you twitch.

        Your nails dug into the tree behind you as you rocked against his mouth, relaxing your weight into the trunk as he held you up against it. 

        “Fuck.” You whined as your clit became more sensitive to his gentle laps. He sucked at your clit and fucked you with his tongue for a while, before he brought his attention back to your clit again and focused intensely on that sweet spot. 

        Soon your legs started to shake and your body began to buzz. The feeling washed over you quickly. A loud moan pushed past your lips as you came, writhing in his grip against the tree until you were twitching and jerking away from him. 

         With your orgasm finally out of the way, he was back on his feet, slapping into you, until his own high reached a climax and he was pumping you full of his cum. 

        When you recovered enough to pull your clothes back on and think a full, coherent thought, you realized something. 

        “Hey Daryl?” You asked as he buttoned up his jeans and adjusted his poncho.

        “Yeah?”

        “You didn’t pull out.” 

tags: @kissmeunicornbaobei @thesadcatt0 @clairealeehelsing @duckybird101 @tmntfixationxreader @ryoujoking @blackvelveteen1339 @yondus-girl @ladylincoln @sunshinebug9 @saylum559 @yoowhatthefuck @duffmckagansbandana @celtic-crossbow @virginsexgod69 @dazzling-roaring-20s @l0kilaufeys0n7 @uhnanix

[electraslight]

Gwen Tennyson is one of my favorite characters in anything ever but there's this pervasiveness in this fandom that shes. Well. A nice, good person. And I don't really like that, especially when shes absolved of her very clear faults to the detriment of other characters. Basically all of Gwen and Kevin's relationship is Gwen doing things to Kevin that, in a normal show, she would be made to apologize for, like rushing him into a relationship when he has made it clear he is not interested at that moment, trying to make him jealous and putting their whole team in danger (which is entirely put on bens shoulders and not hers), hitting him as a punchline for a joke when all Kevin's done is make a silly comment, calling him ugly, blah blah blah you get my point I've been over this a billion times. There are other characters who get the short stick too. In the episode where Elena pretends to be Julie and puts the alien trio under the impression that she ditched nationals to hang out with ben, sure as a friend you'd be worried, but Gwen keeps saying over and over that it's not like julie, she shouldn't put a boy over herself, telling her she made a bad decision, even when julie tells her no, I've made my decision, I don't want to talk about this. Gwen does not respect anyone's boundaries even people like Kevin, Julie, and Ben, who are supposed to be her friends. But people in the fandom characterize Gwen as sweet, kind, helpful, never in the wrong ever even when she is doing something horrible. Remember when people used to say that "Gwen didn't deserve kevin" not because of the constant belittling of his interests, lack of appreciation of his boundaries (see also: those scenes in Trade Off where Kevin repeatedly takes her hand off of him and she keeps trying to touch him anyway), and general nastiness, but because Kevin, who was at the time under the impression that Gwen was getting tired of him (wonder why he'd think that what with her calling him hideous every other episode) got groomed, assaulted, and enslaved. And that's his fault I guess because he's a guy and guys can't get abused. Gwevin is so good you guys the only problem is Kevin,the guy who left his entire support system to go live with his girlfriend, the guy who carries her bags and nonstop talks about how much he lives her when she can never muster up a word to say about him besides "He's nice" and "he's changed". Gwen is always in the right because shes a girl boss character who is not allowed to have flaws besides being stuck up or whatever, and it's totally OK if she needlessly suspects everyone around her and crosses the boundaries of basically everyone she talks to. Read me this: if you think female characters should be strong, why shouldn't you acknowledge Gwen's flaws? Why is it better to have a character who's kind, sweet, motherly, badass but only in ways that won't upstage the male main character, than an awkward, horrible teenage girl who loves people so strongly she strangles them, who's overly paranoid based on her own biases, who views her friends as projects she can fix, but God she is trying so hard. God, I'm begging you, please factor this in to your Gwen fanworks, I'm so tired of her being portrayed as a good person. Shes not a good person. Shes a 16 year old girl.

(Also sorry I talked so much about gwevin its just that Gwen isn't allowed to be her own person outside of men in this show)

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 53)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Over the next few days, this was exactly what Mark did and what he found was something Sean knew would upset you greatly. 

"It looks like your girlfriend's ex is a serial cheater  and he has been for quite some time," Mark divulged, as Sean listened intently, taking in all the information with great interest. He already didn't like Cillian but this, this just confirmed it all for him.

"In early 2009, he cheated on his ex-wife with Sianna Miller, then in 2010 he hooked up with some model from Brussels when they were attending some kind of event. He also had a few flings while filming, one with Annabelle Wallis in 2014 and another with his assistant Julia. Then of course he went on with your girlfriend and knocked her up, but who's counting?

"Fuck me," Sean gasped as his face blanched at this revelation and he felt disgust building up within him. 

"Do you think she knows?" Mark  asked, looking at Sean with curiosity written all over his face.

Sean sighed heavily, "I doubt it. She's too engrossed in the whole idealized perception of this man to actually see who he really is," he told his friend impassively.

"You still want to play this game, then?" Mark taunted, grinning at his friend's reaction.

"I think so," Sean replied flatly.

"Good because I called that woman from Brussels, and she confirmed the affair," Mark said proudly, wondering how Sean could possibly break the news to you now that he had some proof.

"And what now? Am I just going to tell her about it or, -?" Sean  pondered aloud to himself before rubbing his temples with his thumb and index finger, feeling a growing sense of urgency brew within him.

Having spent hours on end gathering the information on Cillian's alleged infidelity, Sean couldn't help but feel a strong compulsion to confront you with the evidence, forcing you to make a decision regarding your future with this man.

But, at the same time, Sean also knew that his actions could potentially cause the two of you to drift apart as well. Revealing dirt on your ex would make him look bad and jealous, which was something that could be detrimental against winning you over. 

Thus, Sean spent several days mulling over the best course of action, coming up with various scenarios and schemas until, eventually, he hit upon a seemingly flawless plan.

Mark had agreed to write about it to you, anonymously, seeking your comment on these allegations before publication would take place. He knew that this would prompt you to discuss the matters with Cillian and thereby creating a conflict between the two of you just before the wedding without Sean actually having to get involved.

Sean thought that this was the best way to go about it and make you question the wisdom behind your ongoing platonic and yet conflicting relationship with Cillian.

And, of course, the plan worked when, on the Monday morning, a few days before Siobhan's wedding, you received an email with the subject line "Unverified Allegations Against Cillian Murphy - Invitation to comment" sent from a reporter at the Irish Times, from an email address you didn't recognise. 

"Dear Miss Y/LN

I am writing to invite your comment for an article that is currently being put together here at the Irish Times. The article deals with unverified allegations of extensive infidelity of the Hollywood actor, Cillian Murphy, with whom I understand the recipient of this email had an affair during 2023. 

The allegations relate to incidents reported between 2007 to 2024 respectively and whilst we have already received statements confirming these allegations from some of the other women involved, including model Alana Simmons and two others, we would also welcome and appreciate any relevant comment you would wish to make.

I look forward to receiving your reply, which we will ensure is included in its entirety in our article.

Kindest Regards

Mark Schulze

Reporter

The Irish Times"

You squinted at the screen, feeling a strange mixture of shock, anger, and confusion. What the fuck was this?

You stared at the email, your heart beating fast. You couldn't believe what you were reading. It couldn't be true, could it? He had always been adamant that you were the only one he had ever cheated on Danielle with and you wondered whether it was all a lie.

Was all that you had together a lie? Did he ever love you? Could he ever love you?

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[percervall]

Mamma mia, here I go again {pt10}

Summary: A summer of poor decisions leads you to having to face the consequences of your actions —and the men involved. Pairing: Kevin Magnussen x fem!reader, Lewis Hamilton x fem!reader, Mark Webber x fem!reader Warnings: mentions of homophobia, hinting at religious trauma Word count: 1479 Taglist: @ashy-kit @averagef1fansblog @barcelonaloverf1life @bradfordbantams @dannyramirezwife-simpaccount @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @exotic-iris13 @goldsainz @hiireadstuff @iloveneteyam @jaypreshpresh @laura-naruto-fan1998 @monzamash @norrisleclercf1 @opheliaas-stuff @roseseraj @szobosz @vellicora @ystrolllll 

Part 10 of the Mamma Mia series

As promised, the following morning the three of them show up to your hotel room with breakfast. You gratefully accept the take away mug Mark hands you as you let them in. It reminds you of that first conversation you had with the three of them at the beginning of September and you can’t help but feel a little emotional at how far you’ve come since then. 

Sitting down at the small breakfast table in your room, you accept the smoothie bowl Kevin hands you. It’s a little cramped, but all four of you fit around it. Lewis and Kevin catch you up on how their teammates and some of their closer friends on the grid fared during the race while Mark fills in the gaps with what he’s heard from DC and Jenson.

“I can’t believe the FIA ever thought this weekend would go without a hitch. The fact that Pirelli set very strict pit stops windows tells you all you need to know, really,” you say, shaking your head. 

“I’ve heard rumours that they’re looking at moving it later into the season to avoid these high temperatures,” Mark adds.

“That’s the least they can do. Greedy vultures,” you reply, muttering the last bit under your breath, earning a chuckle from Lewis.

“Wait,” you say, a realisation hitting you, “if we’re really doing this, does that mean I am also adopting an Australian rookie?” Mark laughs, head thrown back.

“I guess so. Hope you’re alright with that?”

“I mean, Mick has become like a little brother. Him and his family are the closest I have to one. Him and Jasmine; she’s my oldest friend. I-.. I cut contact with my parents when I was in my early twenties. They’re very religious and it got to a point where it became detrimental to my mental health to allow them access.” Even remembering their disappointment when you went into engineering and not pursued a career in teaching –which was deemed much more suitable for a woman by your parents– makes you feel about two inches tall. It was impossible to live up to their standards and their constant meddling in your love life to find you a man so you’d settle down and become the perfect little house wife messed with your perception of love a lot more than you even realised. 

“That’s also why I completely panicked when I realised I am in love with all three of you,” you continue, pushing through the uneasiness of the memories, “A relationship is meant to be between one man and one woman according to them, and while I have done a lot of unlearning over the years, this took me by surprise.” 

“Thank you for trusting us,” Kevin breaks the silence that follows. He rests a hand on your knee, giving you a reassuring squeeze. 

“I’m trying. When you’ve been on your own for so long it’s hard to let people in. But I want this to work, not just for me but also for this little peanut,” you say, putting a hand on your stomach. 

“We’ll follow your lead, sweetheart,” Mark says, to which Kevin and Lewis nod in agreement. 

“I know we will have to let at least our teams know about what’s going on, but outside of that can we hold off until the end of the season? I hadn’t considered the logistics of dating three people and it’s a little overwhelming.” 

“Works for me,” Kevin nods, “and how about we try to have a proper sit down dinner with the four of us at least once a week? We can think about next steps after the season, but that way we’ll at least see one another outside of the track.” You mull this over. It’s not a bad idea, even if it might prove difficult to get everyone in the same place without living together.

“I’d like that,” you reply.

“I don’t mind us using my house in Oxford for that. It’s got plenty of space for everyone,” Mark offers. You shoot him a thankful smile; staying in the UK as much as possible while you figure out next steps does make it a lot easier for you with regards to your responsibilities at the factory. The anxious flutter you had felt from the moment you had woken up is slowly disappearing, and in its place a calm washes over you. You know that it is not going to be easy, navigating this relationship with so much media attention and different moving parts, but you also know you owe it to this baby to at least try and make it work. There are five races left this season, and with the triple header coming up, you know it is going to be mayhem. 

“Wanna call Toto together?” Lewis asks you, bringing you back to the present. You nod, but bite your lip.

“I just-.. Before we do, I just need to know that you’re all okay with raising a child that might possibly not be yours by blood. I know how Kevin feels, but..” you trail off.

“As long as they’re healthy and happy, I don’t mind. I just know that I am looking forward to doing this alongside you,” Mark says, pressing a kiss against your temple before getting up to go phone his boss. 

“Same here baby. Family is more than just blood. I can’t wait to be one of three dads for peanut and spoil them and you,” Lewis reassures you.

The phone call with Mercedes went about as painless as could be. After what happened and your reaction on Sunday, Toto had his suspicions that the two of you had begun dating. The fact that Kevin and Mark were now also part of that didn’t seem to phase him whatsoever, or if it did your boss had the acting skills to not let it show. You did have to promise him to give Susie a call whenever you felt like you needed a girly chat. 

“That wasn’t so bad,” Lewis muses, pulling you against him. You hum in agreement, content to just stay like this for a minute when the peace is rudely interrupted.

“No. No, you listen to me Gene,” Kevin seethes as he paces the length of your hotel room, “Do you genuinely think they are spying on Haas? We are dead fucking last, what kind of delusion are you smoking?” Kevin looks up and locks eyes with you. Without a moment's hesitation you get up from the couch and cross the room. Kevin holds out his hand and visibly relaxes ever so slightly when you lace your fingers together.

“Guenther had no issues with this relationship. What difference-..” He’s quiet for a moment as he listens to the team owner. Whatever excuse Gene is giving him, it’s the wrong one; Kevin’s eyes flare in anger as he clenches his jaw. A quiet fury simmers through your veins at the way Kevin is being treated. The magnitude of this feeling takes you by surprise, this notion of how you’d go to war for him –for all three of them. You know Kevin doesn’t need you to fight his battles, so instead of taking the phone from him to tell his team owner just what you think of him, you squeeze his hand. 

“No, let me stop you there. I know my sponsors well enough to know that this won’t change anything financially. And even if it did, I am sure that there are plenty of brands who will gladly take their place if it means they can boast about their so-called diversity pledge. And if you talk about my family like that ever again, I quit.” Before Gene can even respond, Kevin hangs up and throws the phone onto the dining table. You take his face in your hands, brushing a thumb over his cheekbone before pulling him closer for a hug. Kevin wraps his arms tighter around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“You alright, mate?” Mark asks. Kevin nods, taking a deep breath before straightening up. 

“Steiner was no issue, surprisingly. Gene is a different story. Guenther had forwarded the information because it involves an employee of a rival, just out of courtesy. That fucking idiot first insulted my intelligence by saying how they are using me for information on Haas, and then began some rant about how this would cost the team money, and then came for me personally with some homophobic slurs I don’t feel like repeating.” 

“I’m sorry man. If there’s anything we can do,” Lewis offers. Kevin nods gratefully. 

“I’ll let you know.” You can feel your nose prickle with tears at how ready they are to help one another. The fact that Kevin referred to the four of you as his family isn’t lost on you, and it fills you with so much love and gratitude that despite everything, you have found a home in these three men. 

I can't believe it's almost over, I have been working on this fic since October. There's an epilogue left which will come next week

Again, biggest thank you to @curiousthyme for being my beta reader. I would be lost without you babe 😘

Please let me know your thoughts, your comments, tags, and likes mean the absolute world to me 💜

[thoughtspresso]

Aqua plans to die.

And his death will be necessary to take Kamiki down.

While the full details of Aqua’s revenge plan isn’t entirely clear to all of us yet, his intention to place himself in danger as he tries to take Kamiki down is a very clear, and very crucial part of the plot that he anticipates.

Before we can dive into how Aqua is going to achieve his revenge, we need to back up a little bit and understand who he is as a person, how he makes decisions, and what he personally wants.

What is Aqua’s Goal?

From a top-level view, Aqua has a singular emotional goal:

Aqua wishes to take responsibility for the deaths of his mothers.

Aqua/Gorou absolutely believes that after two lives of the same thing, that he was the common denominator. He was the fault his mothers both died, because he was useless and helpless. Had he never been conceived, and more crucially, if his mothers did not have to lie about his existence, they would have both stayed alive. If Gorou’s mom didn’t have to conceal the pregnancy from her parents, or did not have one at all, she would have lived a long life. He believes that perhaps his second chance at life was to save Ai, but he was paralyzed and helpless during her murder. He blames himself for Ai’s death too.

This is a driving force in Aqua’s character, and informs all of his decision making, even to the detriment of his own plans most times. It leads us to his supplementary goal:

Aqua wants to keep the people he loves safe.

Whether it was shielding Ruby from entertainment or making sure she’s in a safe agency with good group members, or Akane not going too far in enacting his revenge plot for him, or Kana from steering clear of a career-ending love scandal, Aqua’s key traumas has led him to feel compelled to take action and do whatever it takes to save people if he had the power to do so.

Here is a breakdown of Aqua’s plans, and some key questions we have to ask about each one.

1. Why make a movie called The 15-Year Lie? And what is “Ai’s true wish”?

I have reason to believe that Ai’s DVD for Aqua would have either been a message about wishing to be loved truly and be hated with full honesty for the person she really was, that she wanted her actual self to be revealed to people. In line with that, I think Aqua’s DVD included Gotanda’s original documentary for the B-Komachi dome event. Which is why Gotanda tried to defend Aqua's decision to reveal her secret in chapter 112, and why in chapter 108 Gotanda says about the script that “this is finally my time to fulfill that promise.”

2. What does he mean by “using Arima Kana”?

There were theories circulating that the person who texted Frill Shiranui could have been Aqua, trying to get her to encourage Ruby to play the role of Ai in the film. However, that couldn’t be any farther from the truth. As we know, Aqua was saying that Gotanda should “grow up” and understand that the most important thing for a movie is to succeed commercially first before we talk about artistic value. 

If Aqua had full control over the situation, he would have just straight up casted Akane. After all, that was what he initially proposed, and even contacted her for it despite saying he’ll never have anything to do with her again. What he needed, more than anything, was for the film to succeed commercially. And with the headlining actress no longer (a) the most famous celebrity of their generation, or (b) the heralded genius of their generation, Aqua has no other options.

Except: Arima Kana.

I think the aspect of him using her or manipulating her is mainly to encourage her publicity activities. He’ll be encouraging her to do well in her work to garner more star power for the movie to really be a success, and for her to help his sister be the perfect lead for the show. He’s also going to bank on the idea that Kana will do things for him because she has a crush on him, which he only realized in Chapter 102 after Mem-cho points it out, that he can pursuade Kana to get out of the way of his revenge plot if necessary to keep her safe or place her in the spotlight to attract people’s attention for the movie.

While unlikely, he might even encourage her to stay on a little longer until Ruby gets to the Dome performance.

Or, and maybe this is my shipping delulu talking, but it can also be that he’ll try to just be around her frequently to garner media attention about their relationship. In this way, keeping her close without actually dating her could serve a dual purpose: get people talking about them and the movie, but also make sure that Kana stays safe and nobody makes a rumor of pairing her up with anybody else.

Lastly, also not super likely but another option could be to convince her to headline the show, and play Ai in Ruby’s stead.

3. Why does Kaburagi say that the film is bordering on illegal?

This is a truly crucial piece to unveiling Aqua’s plot. We know Kaburagi likes producing shows that include good-looking young people, and that seems to be his main strategy for raking in young audiences and cashing out.

So why would he have hesitated, even for a second, on a plan to cast the top talent of this young generation, on the biggest news Japan has been talking about, handed to him by a first-hand source--the son of Ai himself?

On all accounts, this would have been the perfect formula for a smash success. So why would Kaburagi say things like, “do you have enough evidence”, when everybody already knew about the University student stalker that murdered her? What was so controversial?

Unless, when they said Aqua will play the culprit, they didn’t mean the Ryosuke.

They meant he was playing Hikaru Kamiki.

Here’s what we know about the film, and what I think Aqua is trying to do:

1. Portray Kamiki in the worst possible way and destroy his reputation.

The 15-Year Lie will be a biopic about Ai’s life from when she was starting out as an idol.  Ai will be portrayed as a poor girl abandoned by her parents, searching for the true meaning of love. We know that this framing will be part of Ai’s characterization because of the scenes where Ruby struggled the most:

In the search for love, they will show her falling for a young man and talented actor at Theatre Lalalai--that being Hikaru Kamiki. Once he gets Ai pregnant, he abandons her, and she runs off to the countryside to hide from the press. When Ai asked him to come visit her, Kamiki, in wanting to protect his career, attempted to send out a stalker. A few years later, seeing his kids wotagei on social media, he manages to find them again and kill Ai.

It is a complete and utter character assasination of Hikaru Kamiki, and while revealing Ai as a flawed person, draws for the sympathy of the viewers to love Ai for who she truly is. Which is exactly why Gotanda keeps insisting for Ruby to play the role, even when Aqua and Kaburagi have sensible recommendations for Akane and Frill.

At that moment, when Ai dies, Aqua will reveal his face, and openly declare that it was his father who orchestrated it all. Then he might even portray his father murdering Ryosuke himself, instead of the suicide that was reported in the media.

2. Aqua will use himself to bait his father out, and force Kamiki’s hand to kill Aqua.

The main reason why Aqua finds it necessary for the film to be a commercial success is because he needs the general public to be one hundred percent in agreement that Hikaru Kamiki is an evil man that deserves to be jailed. (Whether or not he reveals his name in the film, which he could but doesn’t need to.) This public lynching is his first control.

But here’s the thing: Kamiki didn’t directly murder Himekawa Airi and Hoshino Ai himself. At this point in time, Aqua is not aware of Katayose Yura’s murder either. And there is no evidence that connects Uehara Seijirou and Ryosuke’s suicides as murders by Kamiki’s hands.

And on top of all that, when these things happened, Kamiki was fully a minor.

Akane’s fears and interpretation was that Aqua would murder his own father because it’s the only form of revenge he could enact himself. 

But she’s wrong, there’s one more thing Aqua could do: make Kamiki commit murder again. If he kills Aqua, there will now be a murder that the public agrees without a doubt was done by Kamiki himself.

He can go to jail once and for all, or he can also get stabbed by an angry fan--Aqua doesn’t care. All he cares about is that it’s a sure win, and it’s over forever. He launches his sister’s career into the spotlight, he keeps everybody safe, and he atones for the death of his mothers with his own life.

In summary: Aqua plans to get killed by his father, so that an actual murder has occurred for which he could be jailed or publicly ostracized or even killed.

And here’s why I think Aqua will fail:

Aqua’s assumptions about his father are incorrect.

He believes that Kamiki’s reason for killing Ai was because her pregnancy would ruin his reputation and career as a rising actor. That’s why Aqua tries to hit him there. And he believes defaming him might provoke him to get killed.

But I don’t think Kamiki cared about his reputation at all anymore. He left his career as an actor behind after Kindaichi kicked him out of Lalalai, and went on to graduate from Faculty of Science. He never went back in front of the spotlight, instead opening a talent agency around the exact time he believed his kids might be joining the industry.

I have reason to believe that Kamiki thinks murdering Airi and Ai was to protect his children or some other great act of justice against his rapist(s). And that even killing Katayose Yura was done because he didn’t want a liar like her to take the spotlight that was supposedly for his daughter Ruby.

I don’t think Kamiki will harm Aqua.

But I do think he will come forward and expose himself and his twisted justification, and he might even openly give interviews to the media.

Instead, I do believe Kamiki might pay attention to Kana’s honest acting--something he’s never seen before in a person, and try to get close to her somehow. And if Kamiki’s name is not revealed, and if the theories are true that Frill works for Kamiki’s agency, he might recruit Kana to join him.

All this is to say, get Kana out of this manga. Somebody, please save her.

[amyispxnk]

Be strong like you should've been.

Summary: You're grieving already and you almost lose Joel. You're not gonna let that happen.

A/N: if I can be bothered and people care enough I might make this into a multiple part slowburn thing

Joel Miller x f!reader, platonic!Ellie Williams x f!reader

Word count: 2009

DO NOT COPY THIS WORK IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

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Frankly it was embarrassing.

Embarrassing when you would be walking through the forest, Ellie's puns from that dumb book becoming muffled as your thoughts clouded your mind once more, and the two of them noticed you were crying before you did, the realisation making you quickly wipe away the tears you pretended didn't even spill.

Embarrassing when you bolted upright from your sleep in the early hours of the morning, panting heavily and feeling the dried tears on your face as you saw her staring at you awkwardly, averting her gaze as soon as yours met it and staring into her can of food. You didn't miss the feeling of his gaze burning holes through you either.

Embarrassing now as you sat before Joel, fumbling for a med-kit or anything of use in your bag.

"Shit!" You cursed as the latch on the box came undone by itself, causing the roll of gauze to unfurl across the floor.

Ellie was scrambling to help get it back together as he groaned in pain, fingers digging into his palms.

"I'm so sorry, fuck, okay it's gonna hurt. I'm sorry." Your voice quivered at the end of the sentence as you choked on a sob, willing the tears away as they gathered at your waterline.

"You gotta hurry up!" Ellie said in a panicked voice, hands already reaching for your pistol as you tried your best to tend to Joel's wound. It wasn't anything detrimental, but they got him in the leg with a bullet and thats why he was currently on the floor, feeling useless since he genuinely couldn't move or get you both away from the danger.

"No, Ellie listen! Just give me that. You stay here, okay? I'm gonna get them away and then you-"

"Absolutely fucking not." He gritted, already reaching for his rifle.

"Joel, you can't move. I need to get them away." You argued, handing Ellie the supplies as you got up. He couldn't really stop you now and you all knew it.

She nodded slowly at your instructions, feeling a little weird since she was going against Joel's order by doing so, but taking the med-kit anyway and accepting your pistol as you told her it was 'strictly for an emergency' and to 'just focus on getting out of here'.

You waited until the pair had safely made some distance before you left the barricaded room, sneaking outside the other way as you hid behind a crate. The gunfire had quietened down when the raiders lost you, so you figured the best way to go about this was to kill them as quietly as possible.

You listened out for their voices and footsteps and crept up behind your first victim, jumping up and clasping a hand over his mouth before driving the blade into his neck, laying him on the ground and quickly moving on.

You did the same with three more, until you got to the fourth one. You had just stabbed him and you were holding him up until he died when another one of the men came behind you, foolishly stepping on a bottle and giving you just a split-second extra of time to evade his attack. You quickly moved to the side and dropped the man, leaving him to choke and gasp on the floor as you reached for your gun, firing it rapidly at the man across from you. He fell to the floor as you heard the shouts of at least a dozen other men once they'd heard the gunshots. So much for being quiet.

You darted out the door, running across the outside of the building and quickly looking around for Joel or Ellie, seeing neither of them. Good, you thought. That means they got away.

After ensuring they were safe and far enough from the building, you made a break for the forest nearby, praying that that was where they went. It would be the most logical decision, as Joel couldn't get much further fast enough.

You fired blindly at this point, just wanting to hit anything to slow your attackers down, barely even stopping when you got to the forest until you noticed a marking on a tree. It was a little design that Ellie noticed on a patch on your backpack one day, asking you about it. It was something from before the Outbreak even, an old design on it which lead to a long enthusiastic conversation about life before the world ended. She had remembered it and wanted you to be able to tell they were nearby without anyone else knowing. Smart girl.

You concealed yourself behind a few trees as you waited for the sounds to dissipate, reloading your ammo and wiping your knife.

It must've been almost 2 hours before you finally got back to them, immediately going back to worrying over Joel, and Ellie now too.

"Did you get hurt when I was gone? Did you stop the bleeding? I should've told you to clean the wound too, did you do that? Fuck." Words spilled out of your mouth as you frantically checked the two of them for injuries, until you felt Ellie's hand on your shoulder.

"It's fine. We're fine. I stopped him bleeding and neither of us got hurt. Chill out, man." She chuckled slightly at the end as you finally calmed down.

"I'm so sorry." You sighed, standing up and going to get some food out of your bag.

"If he can't move, then we'll have to stay here for the night. Can't say it'll be very safe, but I'll stay up and keep watch, okay?"

"I can walk fine." He countered, getting up with a heavy groan of difficulty before leaning against the tree.

"You sure about that old man?" Ellie teased, finding his struggle kind of amusing now that you were all out of danger and okay.

He gave her a look before turning to you.

"C'mon, gimme that." Joel reached for his bag, making you swiftly pull it away from him.

"Absolutely. Not. It's gonna make you even slower, and if you want to move we have to do it quick." You said, gesturing to the sun which was already making its descent to below the horizon.

--------

After that you got quiet. The three of you found an empty house which you barricaded before giving Ellie and Joel some food before she went up to bed and it was just the two of you in the living room.

"Y' should eat somethin'." He muttered, breaking the silence which had enveloped you after Ellie left.

"And you should get some rest." You argued, your back to him as you stared through the window, hands ready on your gun to shoot at anything you didn't like the look of.

You had been too weak lately. You let it get the better of you, and you got distracted. Now you were paying the price. She would've been disappointed in you.

You had lost your older sister almost 2 months ago now, and it still hurt just as bad as it did on the day. It was right before you left the QZ when you had snuck out with her to go watch the snow by your lake, wanting to enjoy it without the sound of gunfire and the bothersome guards on your ass every 5 minutes when you were outside and not doing something useful.

She had taken you there spontaneously, normally you would have planned a little better for this trip but neither of you expected it to snow so beautifully and she really wanted to take you.

But it was truly amazing, and definitely worth the risk, you concluded. The lake was still slightly frosted over as January was just coming to its end, tree branches and bushes had dustings of snow adorning them, and you both had a lot of fun building snowmen and making snow angels that night.

On your way back, you had to go through an old town which you had cleared last month.

It wasn't clear anymore.

One second you were creeping through a house and the next rotten teeth were sinking into her flesh as you watched in pure horror. Horror which quickly turned to rage as you raised your gun and shot the clicker once, twice, three, and four times in the head, watching it twitch before crumpling on the floor.

She had forced you to kill her so she wouldn't end up like that.

------------

You shook your head, shuddering at the memory before getting up and walking over to him.

"Let me check it." You told him before slowly pulling up his left pant leg and undressing the wound. Ellie had clearly done her best at patching him up, but it needed to be fixed up a little.

You worked quietly as he watched, tying the final bit of gauze and cutting off the excess before standing up again. You looked down at him.

It had been too close. Too fucking close. He literally fell whilst you were running away and you had to pick him up again, dragging him to the nearby room whilst shooting at the hunters. Blood poured out of his leg and you thought he was really going to die. You fucking blinked and he was on the brink of death. Just like she was.

"What's up with you lately?" He asked, having noticed the clear change in your attitude. You had known him before this whole adventure began, having done deals with him a few times and him having known your sister too. He didn't actually know she was dead though, having asked where she was when you turned up at his place one day and all you responded was that she had to leave for something, leaving it at that.

Then Ellie came along and you set off for the Fireflies, almost halfway through your journey now.

"I'm fine. You should honestly get some rest Joel."

"You're not fine." He said, grunting as he got up and walked over to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"You can talk t' me. I don't know if you're scared or what, but don't be. 'm here for ya." He assured you. He wasn't great at this whole comforting people thing, but he'd try for your sake.

"Cassie, she-" you began after a brief pause and he immediately tensed. Of course he sensed something was wrong all those weeks ago when you turned up without her, it wasn't like you to go anywhere alone but there you were, alone at his door.

"She's gone, Joel." Your voice cracked again as you finally let yourself cry, your entire body shaking with sobs as he turned you round and pulled you tight into him, rubbing your back soothingly and shushing you.

"Oh, sweetheart.." He didn't know what to say. You and Cassie were as close as sisters could be, he knew that. He knew how much you loved eachother and how you had stayed so strong these past 8 weeks amazed him.

"I'm sorry." You choked out. "I should've been faster earlier, I- I let you down."

"Shh, you didn't. You were so amazing out there. Don't say that." He said softly, moving back slightly from you and brushing your tears away with his thumbs. "You did the best you could, and that was enough. You didn't do anything wrong sweetheart, okay?"

You nodded slightly, gaze moving to the floor before he tilted your head upwards and looked at you.

"You should really go to sleep." You mumbled.

"I'll stay up with you." He offered.

"It's not gonna do us any good if both of us are tired tomorrow."

Joel sat back down on the couch with that. "Well I'm gonna stay up until you fall asleep, 'cause I know you will." He teased, making you let out a watery laugh before wiping your face again.

"Okay, I'm gonna go clean my face then."

"I'll be waitin'." He responded as you walked up the staircase.

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Thank you SM for reading, I hope you liked it! Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated and requests are open. 💞

[veliseraptor]

>>> because Jiang Cheng never wants to force people to choose him, even 'for their own good' - this is actually one of the sharpest divergences I think between Wei Wuxian's approach to problems and Jiang Cheng's approach to problems, but that's another post.

I don’t suppose you’d be willing to make that other post? (Hopeful)

you know what, I feel like sticking my hand in a bear's mouth today, so sure.

one of the things that Wei Wuxian does kind of a lot, and most notably in the instance of his golden core (but also other places) is make decisions about what is best for other people. Wei Wuxian has the thing that many smart people do, where he has very definite ideas about what is the correct decision in given situations, and a belief in his capability to make the correct decision, and will make the choice to make that decision above somebody's head if he thinks they're not going to make the same choice as he would for reasons he thinks are bad. in the situation with Jiang Cheng, his reasoning (valid or not, and I'm not interested in adjuticating that) goes basically "Jiang Cheng can't die > if Jiang Cheng doesn't get his golden core back, he will die > I can give him my golden core > if I told him I was doing that, he wouldn't accept it > so I won't tell him about it and will give him my golden core and go from there.

I think you see it with the way he interacts with Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, too - in his view Jin Zixuan is clearly undeserving and not good enough for Jiang Yanli, and could never make her happy, and therefore, regardless of the effect on Jiang Yanli, he acts according to that conviction. And also with what he chooses in novelverse specifically (with Lan Wangji) to tell/not tell Lan Xichen about Jin Guangyao, out of a conviction of what is best for Lan Xichen. Wei Wuxian is decisive and strong-willed and very confident in his skills of all kinds, and part of what comes with that self-confidence is the assurance that sometimes he knows better than the people around him, and maybe they don't realize that yet, but they will eventually, or else they just never need to know about the choice he made for them.

and then there's Jiang Cheng, who is...he's not conflict-avoidant, obviously, but what he won't do is interfere with somebody else's decision, or argue with them about it (past a certain point; the amount he argues with Wei Wuxian over his "defection" is, I think, unusual). when Jiang Yanli decides to marry Jin Zixuan, he accepts her leaving in a way Wei Wuxian struggles to do; when Wei Wuxian tells him to cut him off Jiang Cheng does it, as clearly as he doesn't really want to. when it's made clear to him that someone else, particularly someone he loves, has made a decision, even if he perceives it as harmful, even if he doesn't like it, he'll step back and let it go. obviously this has reams to do with his parents' relationship and the number it did on him watching their dynamic (and experiencing its consequences) - Jiang Cheng has internalized the message of "if you try to make decisions that other people don't like, even out of love, they will just end up hating you anyway."

(Wei Wuxian, I would argue, has the message of "regardless of whether people like your decisions or not, they might hate you anyway" which probably informs his thought process.)

I'm not saying this in a "Jiang Cheng respects peoples' agency, Wei Wuxian doesn't" sort of way (though I think that's kind of true, it's just not as 'this one good, this one bad' as that sounds), just in the sense of...if Wei Wuxian errs on the side of "I know best and can make decisions even if others don't like them" (to his detriment), Jiang Cheng errs on the side of "I have control over very specific things and will not overreach past those lines, even if it runs contrary to what I think is best."

[thisreadswhatever]

To Keep Me Safe From You: Part One

find my masterlist here

[description]: jax teller x fem!reader

[wordcount]: 3.1k+

[summary]: after overhearing a conversation that could be detrimental to the future of samcro, the club has voted that you have to die. fortunately for you, jax has to complete the kill.

[cw]: 18+, female reader(y/n), swearing, mentions of murder throughout, knives, smut, cliff hanger, possible grammar/spelling errors, generally following the show but slightly AU

[authors note]: so this one shot turned into something more and will be getting a part two as i'm not done with this scenario. i realised during this just how hard it is for me to write in a way where i don’t want jax to come tape me up and murder me... so sometimes the reader (y/n) makes some really questionable decisions, simply because i would let this man get away with anything. i hope you enjoy it :)

“We really talking about offing a chick right now?” Juice stared at his fellow members with wide eyes.

“She heard everything, Juice.” Even though he was whispering, Tig’s panic was loud and clear. “You wanna be the one to risk prison time over some waitress in a diner?”

Jax slammed his hand on the table, “We. Don’t. Kill. Women.” 

Bobby looked around at the eyes now peering towards their table before shaking his head at Jax in disapproval, “We also don’t talk about club business outside of Chapel, for this exact reason.”

Tig doubled down now he knew Bobby agreed. “She heard too much. I saw it in her eyes, Jax. I can handle the hit. I’ll follow her out back, it’ll look like she was mugged. No witnesses. No trace.” 

“Do you hear yourself right now brother? We don’t even know if she heard-” Juice stopped abruptly as he saw you walking over to their table, bill in hand. You smiled at the blonde haired man sitting at the end of the bench, avoiding the 5 other guys glaring at you. “Is there anything else I can help you guys with today?” He grinned back at you, taking the bill from your hand, “I think we’re all done here.” He placed three twenty dollar bills inside the wallet, a very generous tip, before handing it back to you. “Thanks for stopping by, boys. Get home safe.” 

“You too, darlin.’”

Jax watched you walk away, making sure you were out of range before addressing the other members. “See? She heard nothing. That ain’t no witness that’s going to talk to feds. She’s not even spooked.”

Tig scoffed and Bobby lowered his eyes at Jax, “Maybe we should take a vote, Pres.?”

Jax was really pissed now, even contemplating killing a woman made his blood boil. But Bobby was his VP, and he was right, this wasn’t a decision he could make himself. Jax let out a large exhale, glancing at you as you cleaned the last remaining tables. He leaned into the table, “Fine, we vote. All in favor of murdering the poor innocent diner chick. I’ll start. Nay.”

He was the only one who voted so. Juice had almost sided with him, but everything Tig had said persuaded him to change his vote. Tig had panicked the rest of the members into actually killing a woman. Jax was outnumbered, and there was nothing more he could do. While you were finishing your night shift, the Sons of Anarchy had just sentenced you to die. 

Jax had managed to get Tig to back off, reluctantly agreeing to let him carry out the hit instead. He figured at least he could kill you quickly, saving you from Tig’s twisted methods. The other members had left, leaving him the only 4 seater vehicle they had brought out that evening. Although you didn’t know it, Jax was waiting for you across the parking lot, leaning against the hood of Piney’s car, cigarette in hand. You shut the door to the diner behind you, fumbling with your purse to find your car keys. You were too preoccupied with the broken zipper on your bag to realise the same blonde haired man from earlier was still there, and approaching you. 

“Lost somethin’ darlin’?” 

“Shit-”, his voice startled you, causing you to drop your purse and everything in it across the lot. 

“Fuck, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He helped as you collected the strung out items across the tarmac. “You didn’t mean to scare a girl leaving work on her own in the pitch black at this time of night?” You snapped at him as you searched for your belongings along some hedges. Jax handed you a tube of lipstick and your reading glasses, that had somehow survived the fall. 

“I guess I didn’t think that one through. Sorry about that.” He stood up, extending a hand to help you. You barely acknowledged as he spoke, ignoring his hand, as you were desperately scanning the floor. 

“Well you’re gonna be really sorry. You have to drive me home. My keys aren’t here..” 

 “Fuck- you cant find them?” He dropped to his knees again, searching the ground with you. You could barely see in the carpark, you had no chance of finding them until daylight. 

“No, they’re gone. What the fuck am I gonna do now?” 

Jax stood up, pacing the length of the car park still searching for your keys. “They gotta be here somewhere.”

“This is useless. Can you just take me home?” 

Jax smiled, “least I can do darlin’.” He extended a hand to help you up from the ground again, but this time, you took it. 

He started walking towards his car, holding a pack of cigarettes out at you. You didn’t smoke, but you also didn’t usually get into cars with strangers, either. You weren’t sure what had come over you, and you felt wary about the whole thing, but you didn’t have many options left with no car keys, and he seemed nice enough. You followed him to the car, taking a cigarette from the pack and holding it up to your mouth as he lit it for you. “I don’t even know your name and I’m about to get in a car with you.” He chuckled. “Names Jax Teller. And I can assure you, I’m a normal guy, just ignore the kutte.”

“Okay then.. Jax. You gonna tell me why a normal guy such as yourself is waiting for a girl outside her place of work at almost midnight?” 

He held the car door open for you with a reassuring smile, “I’ll explain on the way home.” 

You looked at him through narrowed eyes, “you better get me home in one piece.” You got in the car, flicking the half smoked cigarette on the floor as Jax shut the door behind you. 

The inside of the SUV was a mess, the dash covered in raunchy magazines and parking fines. It was hard to think about anything other than the stench of dry oil and stale cigarettes. Jax began to drive, and you directed him on the way to your house, although you got the feeling he didn’t need your help anyway. 

“I can get one of the guys to come change the locks on your car tomorrow morning. Get you a new set of keys.”

“That’d be great. You guys locksmith’s or something?” 

Jax grinned, one hand on the steering wheel, glancing between you and the road as he drove. “Something like that. We run an auto repair shop out in Charming.”

“Oh. So is this your thing?” 

Jax looks at you puzzled, “my thing?”

“Getting girls keys lost so you have to give them a ride home?” Jax shook his head, amused by your assumption. “You’re actually the first.” 

Watching him while he drove gave you the chance to study him in fine detail. You’d noticed his good looks earlier at the diner, but now you could see Jax looked like he belonged in a hollywood movie. He held the steering wheel with one hand, the other on the gear stick, his fingers draped in silver rings. His beard was coated in a layer of stubble, with long shaggy blonde hair that tucked behind his ears. He was undeniably attractive. If anyone was going to lose your car keys, forcing you to drive with them for a ride home, you were glad it was him. 

He turned on your drive slowly before parking, reaching into the glove box adjacent to you. He searched the compartment, and a load of CD’s fell to your feet. “Shit sorry. There’s no pens in here. You got anything in that bag you can use to write your number down? You know, for the keys.” 

“I could grab a pen from inside.” 

Jax nodded in response, “I’ll walk you to your door.” 

Before you had the chance to say anything, Jax was out of the car and making his way to the passenger side door to open it for you. It was all a little surreal, you’d only met him a few hours before, yet he had shown you more courtesy than any man you’d previously encountered. 

You walked with him to the front porch, then searching under the mat for the spare house key. You thought to yourself how you’d have to find a new hiding spot for it tomorrow. You unlocked the front door. As you walked in, switching the lights on as you entered the kitchen, you knew Jax was standing at the door, patiently waiting. You hesitated for a second, debating on the idea of having this random stranger enter your house. On one hand, you knew it was the dumbest idea you’d ever had. On the other, he was charming, respectful and like nobody else you’d ever met before. And you knew that after tonight, you’d probably never see him again. “You can come in if you want, I’ll just be a sec’.”

Jax stepped through the doorway, looking around as he followed you to the kitchen, “nice place you got here.” You searched the ‘drawer of everything’ in the kitchen to find an old receipt and pen. “It was my best friend’s house before she went back to Washington. She’s letting me stay here while I save for my own place. I get cheap rent, she gets a free house sitter.” Jax was standing behind you, making you overtly aware of how close he was. “Y/N.” He was reading from the receipt over your shoulder as you wrote down the number to your home phone. “I never did catch your name at the diner. It’s pretty.” You handed him the crumpled up paper, and he placed it in his pocket. 

“And you never answered my question.” You turned to face him as you spoke, to find the beautiful blonde stranger holding a large blade against your stomach. “Living room. Now.” 

You froze in fear, unable to move. You realised you’d made a huge mistake. You had known the risk of letting him in. You knew better. And now it was too late. You pushed through the lump in your throat to get words out, “Just take what you want and leave. It’s all yours.” “I don’t want your shit, y/n. Walk. Now.” You did as he said, walking slowly towards the living room, feeling the cold blade now pressed against your back. “What do you want?” He pulled your arm back with his free hand, stopping you in the living room. He gestured toward the armchair that sat between the TV and couch. “Sit down.” 

“What are you doing, Jax?” You didn’t want to sit, you wanted to run. You wanted to buy yourself some time. 

“I said sit down!” Jax’s voice cracked as he yelled at you. Hearing him yell sent a shiver down your spine, and you snapped into the chair in front of him immediately. You could see his face now. His eyes were vacant, completely shifted from the warm, courteous man you’d thought he was when he entered your home. It seemed he’d grown 10 feet taller now, towering over you while you sat frozen and vulnerable in the chair beneath him. He brought himself down to your level, with the knife now at your side, the blade touching your arm. 

“You wanted an answer to your question?” 

You nodded. 

“I waited for you because I have to kill you.” 

“To kill me?” Nothing was making any sense. “To kill me..” You repeated, looking straight into his eyes, “but you don’t even know me.” Jax placed the knife into the sheath, and back onto his belt pocket before pulling a roll of duct tape from his kutte. You recognised the tape from the drawer you had searched earlier, but that couldn’t be possible, you told yourself. You never saw him take it. 

“You heard some stuff tonight that could ruin lives. And there’s a group of outlaws that want you dead now because of it.” 

His words rang in your ears like sirens, putting all your senses into override. You couldn’t catch your breath before Jax was binding your hands together in front of you so tightly you could see the skin pulling under the tape. “And you want me dead too?” 

Jax paused to look at you, matching your eyes, before looking down, continuing to tape your hands. “Doesn’t matter what I want.” 

Nothing made sense. You hadn’t heard anything they talked about. He had totally got the wrong idea, and if you could just explain it, he could understand. 

“Jax, please listen to me. I didn’t hear anything. I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” 

He closed his eyes as you pleaded with him, “Stop. Talking.” 

You pulled your wrists up, trying to touch him with your fingertips, as if that could reach the kind part of him you thought you had seen. Your bound hands pulled at his shirt as you begged. 

“I didn’t hear a thing! If I heard some fucked up shit why would I get in a car with you? Why the fuck would I let you in my house!” You felt faint, your ears beginning to ring as adrenalin circulated your veins. He tried to ignore you, and started to tape your legs. You wanted to think straight, to talk sense into him, but your eyes began to fill with water, tears unwillingly streaming down your cheek. “I didn’t hear anything,” you sobbed, “I’m not lying to you.”

Jax dropped the roll of tape on the floor. His hands covered his face as he rubbed his eyes, the words “jesus christ”, muttered through his teeth. Suddenly he stood up, pacing to the kitchen. You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the flicking of a lighter. You sat there, bound by tape, in silence, afraid if you said anymore he would come back to finish you off. 

Some time had passed. Jax had paced the kitchen before venturing into your bedroom. You’d spent the last few hours weighing your options. You could try to run, but you wouldn’t get anywhere with your hands and legs bound together. If you could get to the phone in the kitchen you could call the cops, but he’d see you before you could even dial the numbers. You weren’t sure how long you sat there, trying to think of anything that may save you. Your planning was halted when you heard footsteps coming from the bedroom. Jax lowered himself down to you, pulling the knife from the sheath. He pointed it towards you, and you braced yourself, knowing any plan you could make was too late. You closed your eyes, awaiting your fate, when you heard the sound of tape ripping and your hands were released from the bind. You didn’t move a muscle. Jax’s eyes smoldered. “I’m not going to kill you.”

You pulled the tape from your wrists, stinging as you peeled back the residue from your skin. “You’re not?” “I can’t kill a woman. And even if I could, I can’t kill you.” He cut the tape binding your feet. You gulped, still sat in the chair as if the tape had never been cut in the first place. You could run now, you should run now, but you didn’t want to. 

“What about the outlaws?” your voice was almost a whisper. 

“I’ll handle them.” You watched as he began to walk towards the front door. “I’m really sorry for all of this, y/n. I just couldn’t do it.” His face was full of shame, his voice clouded in regret.

You didn’t have time to contemplate before you yelled, “wait!”

Jax stopped in the kitchen, “What?” 

“You can’t just go.” You leaned into your knees to stand from the chair, legs stiff from being in the same position all night. As you stood you stretched your legs creating instant relief as you walked towards him. Your mind yearned for the same relief your body had, but now you were just really fucking angry. “You bring me here, tell me I’m going to die, tape me up and then decide you’re not going to murder me anymore. Now you want to just leave? And pretend this never happened?” 

“I can’t stay.” He sounded guilty, and his lack of eye contact was further proof of this. 

“Why the hell not?”  You were standing arms length apart, looking up at the man who was tasked with your murder, yet now you were pleading with him to stay. “What are you even talking about, Jax?” You tried to step closer to him, but he inched back. 

“If I’m not killing you, I need to stop whoever is going to instead.” 

You didn’t respond, as you were still trying to understand why you needed to be saved at all. 

Jax softened, “I know you’re confused but this is the only way I can keep you safe.” 

“To keep me safe from you.” 

He took a deep breath, taking your face in his hands. His blue eyes had melted, any anxiety he had been wrestling with tonight had passed.

After everything that had happened, somehow, here, in this man’s presence, you felt safe. You now knew he wouldn’t hurt you. He held you there in his hands, searching your face, looking for a different way out. Something in that moment shifted, the air around you moved as if it were wrapping you in string, tying you to Jax, bringing you closer together. He leaned into you, kissing you on the head, seemingly like the beginning of a goodbye. But he didn’t speak, and no goodbyes came. Instead he placed his forehead along yours, breathing you in along with whatever thoughts plagued his mind. You didn’t understand how or why this was happening, and you got the idea that Jax didn’t know either. Before you could make sense of it, he took you into his hands and kissed you. He pulled your face tight to his, securing you to him by the grip his fingers had through your hair. The tension between you was palpable, every movement of his tongue against yours was fierce and urgent.

His hands released and lowered to your waist, pushing you into the open island in your kitchen as you stumbled backwards on your feet. The cold countertop was pressing against the back of your jeans, contrasted to the warmth of his mouth on yours, his hands now tugging at your waist band. 

He lifted his hand back to your face, feeling your lips beneath his thumb before sliding it down your neck. The corners of his mouth stretched into a smile as he kissed you. 

“I knew there was a reason I couldn’t kill you.”

His tongue lapped against yours, gentle and kind with every touch yet urgent with his hands on you. Groans fell from your throat in response.

You had feared this man all night, and now you were drunk from his lips, and utterly desperate for more.

———

part two

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[thekristen999]

I really hate how this arc with Eddie has devolved into something in which Chrisopher has to forgive him for. (based on the eppy synopsis) This is the same guy who's every decision is an attempt to make a better life for his son because of the ridiculous weight of guilt he carries to the detriment to his own mental health.

And yes, if Eddie hadn't pursued Kim, it wouldn't have put this chain of events in motion, and it wouldn't have hurt Christopher. But all it took was Buck gently pointing out that this was really messed up, which Eddie acknowledged. And as soon as he did, Eddie ended things.

Eddie 's pursuit of Kim is a reflection of his unresolved grief and trauma. And now the conclusion of his arc for this season is if his son can forgive him for it? For having mental health issues. Really?

The thought makes me ill to be honest. And I hope this resolves with some serious conversations about therapy and Eddie needing and receiving help and not punishment for having a crisis.

I'll even take a mutually agreed, Chris goes to El Paso for the summer to give Eddie time to work on himself, with a support system. it'll still hurt, but it's the only resolution I can fathom that could open the door for some interesting S8 character stuff.

Whatever happens, Ryan is going to knock it out of the park and I'm there for it. I'm loving the dive into this wound, just very puzzled as to the journey there. Thye could have written an exploration of grief a million other less whacky ways.