#dept. of mental health

[farmobileo3]

Setting up LA County Mental Health Department with their first garden club day!

[heartbeatkaleidoscope-new]

Okay but entire rooms full of Swifties partying and jumping around to "I Can Do It With A Broken Heart" is SO WEIRD to me, like yeah she's singing about handling your shit in tough times but she's literally broken ???

That song fucking broke my heart the first time I ever heard it, both because she felt like that, but also because she thought she had been doing such a good job at hiding her pain when it was actually visible on her face and in her eyes all last spring. She fooled no one bc her pain was THAT intense and that kills me for her.

[bluebird-poetry96]

What Am I

What am I? 

Anything, other than a sophisticated, intricate, complicated, paradox. Will I ever be, anything, other than darkness, enshrined in light, desiring to be radiant... Am I destined to shine and be divine? Without the abyss filling my being? Is that possible? Will I ever be anything other than a burden, who is so desperate, to be independent?

Am I already heavenly..?

Have I become my fabrications?

No, I don't think so, not yet.

-Raven Blue Bell

[screenshotsonpinterest]

My t swift posts rarely make a splash but if I may get on my soap box to compare two lyrics from “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me” rq

Regardless of my thoughts on the rest of the song, “I was tame, I was gentle ‘till the circus life made me mean/don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth” is an AMAZING pair of lyrics. It’s effective, heart wrenching, and incredibly visual. The kinda line that makes you run your tongue over your own teeth to make sure they’re all still there. It’s almost a tear jerker and it’s one of Taylor’s specialties: a highly specific line that becomes universal in the way that so many people, specifically women, feel silenced and traumatized by what life has done to them.

Compare this to “You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.” Which should be just as effective, but I don’t think it is. Partly because it’s more accusatory in tone but mainly because it almost IMMEDIATELY became a meme. Taylor nation was posting the pic of the five holes in the fence with this lyric. And yeah, if you find one you relate to, it can be a funny meme. But it adds a little bit of corniness or millennial style humor to a song that insists on taking itself completely seriously. Like women were stabbed in the brain and killed in asylums, you just didn’t get tickets for a concert.

Now obviously Taylor wasnt raised in an asylum but she’s never been in a circus either but she really only received backlash for the asylum line. Circuses and asylums can both be places of incredible abuse but, personally, I think the circus is a much more apt metaphor for the entertainment industry. It embodies the often cannibalistic nature of celebrity along with the call of the spotlight.

Throughout this whole album Taylor keeps trying to evoke the “crazy poet locked in an asylum” imagery and I just don’t think it works for her. It’s an image that removes her agency in a life that she 100% chose and built for herself. She is much more the circus performer who feels they can never quit than she is a clinically insane patient in a hospital. WAOLOM loses its effectiveness when it stops being a lament on the trials of the entertainment industry and instead becomes an insistent whine that Taylor swift the individual will always be the victim.

[ourdykeofsorrows]

I knew ambulances were expensive but god damn

Almost 900 for an ambulance I was FORCED to take because “that’s the school’s protocol for these things” when campus police could have just as easily driven me to the hospital themselves.

[ranger-kellyn]

ANYWAYS your boy got TWO bonuses at work this pay period i'm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lord-of-the-noodles]

[sizablelad]

sometimes i talk myself out of thinking i have adhd, but then i look at the diagnostic criteria again and i have adhd

[music-for-them-asses]

It's only 9 am and the lord is testing me

[soleil-et-etoile]

to try to heal

this feels like a prompt

stitch the soul with sinew & i-didn't-need-you-anyway's

run out of thread & tissue thirteen days into may

tell yourself: it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay

self-diagnose, scalpel in the chest, no anesthesia for this pain

what is surgery when nothing is visibly wrong in the first place

wake up in the hospital bed & no one seems to have stayed

a few hundred more mornings, i smile & shed the band-aids

“what was the most pain you have ever felt”

healing from someone, i once thought i would heal with

[godtier]

BTW pro-tip: never settle for a nurse practitioner or a physician's aide if you need maintenance meds

idgaf how qualified they are, idgaf that they can treat shit or w/e

almost every one I've ever encountered or heard about has either had a chip on their shoulder or just thought they knew better than an actual MD

so if you set up an appointment and they're like "oh so-and-so Dr isn't available until like three months from now, but a nurse practitioner is available", you should either just wait those three months out (if it's not a pressing illness) or go to an urgent care and get seen by an actual fuckin MD

nurse practitioners and physician assistants are good for prescribing antibiotics, if that.

don't let them be in charge of your maintenance medication.

don't let them shame you or bully you because they think they know better than every other MD you've ever seen.

don't settle for them out of convenience.

call other practices. ask if there's another Dr that's available if your normal MD isn't around. go to an urgent care that's staffed by actual doctors and verify that you'll be seen by an MD, not a CNP or PA. if you're sick with the flu or a bacterial infection, sure, you might be able to get proper treatment from a CNP, but do not let that office try to make them your primary care provider.

again, I cannot stress it enough: if you have a chronic condition and you have maintenence medication, whether it's chronic pain or ADHD or depression or anxiety, do not see a CNP for that.

and if at all possible for psychiatric conditions, just find a psychiatrist. if you have a therapist/psychologist, have them recommended a reliable, understanding, and properly attentive psychiatrist for your medication.

because if you take controlled substances, those CNPs will try to make an example of you if they can. they will try to get you off controlled substances and lie about how such and such med is "just as good."

an MD prescribed it for a reason. that reason should be the only reason anyone follows, unless you're looking for a second opinion. in which case, just see another MD. please.

don't find yourself in a situation like mine, where a CNP thought she knew better than my MD of nearly 15 years and decided one of my important meds was too much of a hassle for her to keep prescribing, and then lied about it.

[prozach27]

.

[bluebird-poetry96]

8/8/24  10:44am

The disbelief that he is 7 now.

My heart breaks knowing I had to leave the kids in that place...

I beg;

I pray to the Universe, he is doing okay, that he's in a living in a better place.

Pray that he's out of that household-

With a mom on drugs; with an emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend.

A mentally deranged boyfriend;

Mentally unstable and absent mother.

The trauma inflicted upon those children is

Unforgivable.

I made mistakes that I will,

Always. Regret.

I tried so hard to help.

So hard that they he started calling me mom.

So hard that I didn't have time or energy to shower, For Months.

So hard that my mental health took a turned for the worse- getting Furious over the smallest thing,

Including the children

When they were just being children.

So hard I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to kill myself- again.

When I think about it, I can't breathe.

I pray they are doing okay and living good lives, without abuse, without having to know the word Trauma.

But I know, the trauma has seeped into their souls,

They'll be right where I am.

Involved in trauma groups,

Inpatient hospitalizations,

Flashbacks years after all this, into their adulthood,

Hopelessness encompassing their mind,

Possible attempts, on their lives,

By there own hands.

I have major regrets.

Nothing I can do now, except worry, hoping, they are safe.

-Raven Blue Bell

[natsunenuko]

TW // mental issues, mental absue, harassment, surgery/blood

I'm sorry this one is so long, but please carry on reading. It's a chance for me to not only speak about the situation but let out some steam too. It is unfortunate this announcement comes at the same time the flood occurs on the south of my home country (Poland) and I'm in the endangered zone, luckily so far safe, as I feel my head can't handle more stress.

It's been so long since I've been this personal online. I realized how I didn't feel the urge to vent for 3-4 years by now which is a sign of improving mental health. But my healing is still a process, and I'm afraid it's too hard to carry this rock alone at this point. I fought my thoughts if I should do this and I think just as deeply as I write right now. Yet, I know it's better late than never and I thank deeply my friends for helping me out recently as well as in the past in my lowest. I wholeheartedly owe my life to you.

I couldn't ask for better friends. As years verified, even long lasting relationships might be nothing but a mask and I had to learn the hard way. I ended a friendship of 13 years at the time over a misunderstanding. Other person I put my trust on was nothing but a groomer with morally corrupted sexual tendencies who would take advange of a group of minors while being the only adult among them, yet acting like a person much younger than all of them and pressuring all their mental issues on children instead of seeking help. The latter, I might speak of more in detail when I'm ready.

Long time ago I tried calling out for help but back then, the intrusive thoughts won; "Others have it worse, just work harder.", "No one will give you anything for free, no one will care.", "What people will think of you?". and I would only speak about these things in a closed circle of my friends.

I tried my best in silence by not giving up on my creative passion, working restlessly for years, improving. Hoping I could reach the point I can sustain myself purely on what I make.

But the problem is not being self-sufficient. And it's not about my art...

All of my life it has been me, my momma and my granny. The other two important figures weren't there for us, by choice. (which is hard to say if losing someone you loved is worse than not being cared for in the first place) My rather young self at the time didn't put much thought about it as I didn't understand it but something always felt wrong; my only issues at the time was being "that weird, quiet kid with little to no friends". But despite the hardships, my momma has always been my hero, working without a time for a break or rest so we could live happily, to afford something special from time to time.

However in 2014 my momma has been hospitalised and almost lost her life to wrongly treated ovarian cyst (cyst rapture), with enough blood loss to require emergency surgery...

From that point on things went downhill and the result of that we feel to this very day. To stay afloat we fell into a severe dept. (We didn't have any savings, could only rely on borrowing money or loans) And since I was a child as all of this happened, I've only learned about it all throughfully as I entered adulthood, so I wouldn't need to worry about anything and "just be a kid". Which I really understand, but it doesn't make it easier to handle.

And by now, for several years I keep on trying to earn money, so I could free my momma from this chain and let her live, not survive. I always wanted to get through this quietly, because I never, ever wanted to burden anyone with my home problems. But it grew to a point I might need to grab anything to climb towards the light

The goal is $10 000... which is scarily large number.

I list all the options but Kofi is preferred to keep track of the funds!

My commissions are HERE! (the sheet will receive a slight update in upcoming days) My Kofi is HERE! (Level 4 Tea is free headshot drawing every month!) HERE's other services I do (adopts, brushes, etc) I plan to do paid requests for my friday streams on occasion! Anything else I come up with I hope to include in here! Every person who donates will be part of "Thank you" list where I hope to shoutout everybody, cause every penny matters. I want this situation to end...

[laora-ryn]

fr3-d1, [error noises], and Alice Dyer

So this may have been done before idk, I don't keep up with the online fandom too much! But I went through episode by episode looking for Freddy interactions, and despite what everyone in-show says, there aren't a ton of crashes/errors so far? However, there is a bunch of weird, unexplained instances of Freddy, et al acting independently!

Alice calls this out specifically in episode 21; on five separate occasions (episodes 1, 9, 14, 19, and 21), Chester reads an incident about or mentioning the Magnus Institute to Sam. The only time a TMI statement is read in a different configuration than this Chester-Sam combo, is when Chester reads the doppelganger case to Celia.

On a slightly separate note, as far as I can tell, the error beeps have actually only ever happened in Alice's presence, despite her and Colin's insistence that it's super buggy and crashes often:

2 jmj errors, in episode 3 and episode 17

one example of Freddy reacting to something Alice says out of nowhere in episode 5

Freddy also crashes Alice's computer when Sam asks her about TMI in episode 19, forcing her to suddenly have time to chat

This…feels like a little more than a coincidence, to me?

At this point, I'm less wondering "why is Chester so interested in Sam" - that's either relatively straightforward (look into TMI, save Jon and Martin from a terrible fate), or some plot twist I can't imagine that's way different from that!

Now, after doing all this reading, I'm a little more interested in what Freddy, or Chester, or whatever overlap exists between them, has against Alice!!

Under the cut is a summary of all the autonomous actions as of episode 21, grouped by the apparent source and sorted by date:

Definitively Chester:

Episode 9, 8 March: Chester starts reading the cursed dice statement on his own, without Sam interacting with his computer

Episode 17, 4 Apr: Chester reads a universe-hopping statement to Celia

Episode 21, 12 Apr: Alice intercepts a Magnus Institute incident report on Sam's terminal, being read out by Chester. Freddy makes several disapproving beeps when she deletes it

Definitively Jon:

Episode 7, 12 Feb: Sam receives an email from a "John" with an internal email address, with Gerry's name and address

Freddy, otherwise unspecified:

Episode 3, 22 Jan: Alice receives a jmj error on her computer, which Colin troubleshoots. Freddy sasses back at them both via error beeps

Episode 5, 5 Feb: Alice: "what the hell is wrong with everyone today?" OIAR computer, not having been touched or interacted with: [error noise]

Episode 17, 4 Apr: Alice receives a jmj error on her computer, which Gwen troubleshoots. Freddy emits error beeps often, but not as snarkily as it did in episode 3 imo

Episode 19, 11 Apr: Sam asks Alice to talk with him about the Magnus Institute. Immediately, Alice's computer throws an error, like it wants her to stop working and talk with Sam

"Someone," "the system":

Episode 4, 29 Jan: "the system" sends Alice a notification that Sam searched for "Magnus" and "protocol"

Episode 4, 29 Jan: Gwen receives an email from an unknown source showing Lena trying to kill Klaus. She apparently receives this multiple times before she confronts Lena in episode 7 (approx. 2 weeks)

Episode 20, 12 Apr: Sam has received an email from a garbled email address he can't reply to, with a ton of attachments from 1999 regarding the Magnus institute, Starkwall, and William Price (the Response Dept head)

Colin's extracurricular activities, just for completion's sake:

Episode 1, 9 Jan: Colin sneaks back into the office after shift to find a computer running, which he verbally threatens before shutting off

Episode 7, 12 Feb: Colin attacks Sam for bringing a phone into his office; he is put on mental health leave

Episode 10, 9 Mar: Colin sneaks back into the office to dig into the computers some more. He is disappointed that Alice is out, because he wants her opinion on something

[autumngracy]

It's always been getting steadily worse, but the amount of political bots I've been seeing everywhere this year—youtube, tumblr, twitter, news sites—is truly terrifying. Within a few hours of posting, even a 2 minute long clip from a news network (even a tiny local channel!) has hundreds of comments that are almost nothing but bots and bots responding to bots.

Reporting them does nothing anymore and isn't worth it due to the sheer volume, and many websites won't let you block users, so you're stuck with seeing them 24/7.

One thing that's immediately apparent is that pretty much all of these political bots are posting right wing comments (or right wing comments disguised as left wing comments, meant to deter left wing voters from casting their votes).

The Justice Dept. recently released reports showing ongoing Russian interference attempts during this year's election cycle, which are mainly disinformation ops. But they were preaching to the choir, as anyone can see how many political bots are operating right now, and that they're mainly all trying to effect the same thing: a win for Donald Trump in 2024.

I don't have any comforting conclusion to this; I guess all I'm saying is ... you have to be aware of how much disinformation and propaganda is out there. You have to consider the intent behind the posts and comments. You have to check the sources of things and verify the information before taking it to heart (amd before spreading it, please).

But most importantly you have to not let them get to you. The whole point of these election interference campaigns is to mess with people's heads and make them feel they can't trust anything anymore, especially official journalistic institutions and the government itself.

They want their political opposition to drown in a quagmire of uncertainty, fear, and the feeling that no one is on your side and nobody knows or cares what the truth is anymore, so you may as well not bother standing up for your beliefs or trying to fact check anything or convince other people they're being deceived because you are and will be completely overwhelmed by unwavering, rabid opposition.

Do not fucking give in to this shit. Things are not as hopeless as they seem when you're doomscrolling youtube comments and twitter threads. Truth still matters. Love, community, and solidarity are still there to be found if you know how to look.

Do not let these villains steal your certainty, your hope, your conviction. Do not let them isolate you and silence your beliefs. Do not let them convince you voting is pointless.

And please, look after your mental health. They want you exhausted, afraid, and in despair.

Don't let the bastards grind you down.