#depression stuff

[whatevenisokay]

[aquareegia]

being told "your self awareness and ability to reflect is a sign of your emotional intelligence" by my therapist, doesn't really feel like a compliment tbh. the self awareness doesn't stop me from panic attacks over irrational fears tho. sometimes i wish i was blissfully ignorant, but i'm always hyper aware. my brain is made of alarmbells that are on 24/7.

[awildhappiness]

[best-of-theworst]

My personal space is around 5 kilometers in every direction. Just don't come close to me, please leave me alone.

[kentucky-cried-fricken-123]

damn, did I just enjoy life for a second there?

[cb-writes-stuff]

So, fun fact, I have started on antidepressants. Apparently they take about 2 weeks to actually start working.

Possibly? related, I’ve started feeling less depressed. Like, it still happens, but… I think I get stuck in it less?

I’m not sure what I’ll do if it, y’know, works. What advice am I gonna give depressed people? “Start on meds”? That’s not very helpful, not to everyone.

In hindsight, the weeks leading up to now seem so short. Maybe that’s because hindsight is 20/20, maybe it’s because I was dissociated for a lot of it—we’ll never know. My memories of that time are… gray. Dull. Washed together. If I pick a moment and focus, there’s color, but there’s hardly any moments to focus on. I remember it so poorly.

…Hmm.

[notesbynataly]

Trying to stay positive but I need to find solutions for being productive despite the bouts of depression ...

More than just going outside.

Any advice?

[sinister-sincerely]

Continuing cheering the up! I hope you're doing better, it's great to see ya posting again. Wanted to send ya a lil somethings to keep the good vibes going :3

Little doodle of us (I shall quack for you as you rest m'lord) and a very normal very happy moon with his favorite (totally coincidentally a rabbit mhmm yup-) plushy <333

I read this once I got myself into work. Bad timing because now I am on the verge of tears and gotta play it off as something in my eye. Not to get too sappy but ya' have no idea how touched this makes me. As someone with chronic depression swinging back and forth between deep periods of lethargy and manic I have more than enough time to sit and think. I get very in my own head that if I were to fall off the edge of the earth that it would shake me off and no one would blink... To think anyone thought about me, even in a passing since- it makes my day- my week- my month- etc. Thank you. Truly.

[dunglizard]

nine years ago today I formally decided that I wasn’t going to kill myself and called a mental health hotline (rare helpful one) which led to me getting medicated and slowly crawling my way out of the pit

and just look at me now: fat, hot, hairy, gay, top surgery on the horizon, and married to the actual most beautiful woman in the world

I’m still here and I’m celebrating!!

[puekjh]

I'm feeling really depressed but also like a pretty princess ✨

[whatevenisokay]

[aquareegia]

can i be honest here for a sec? i've never planned to make it past 18, and now that i'm well past that point, i don't know what to do with myself? i can't really imagine a future where i'm in because i didn't ever think i'd make it to the present. i kinda feel like a foreign object that shouldn't be here, that doesn't belong. how does one deal with that?

[orcaandseal]

Depression/Adhd study tips coming from someone who has depression, anxiety, and ADHD. All of these I try to do

Make the process as bearable as possible. Put on those fuzzy socks you like, comfy clothes, pour yourself your favorite drink, and have a treat while studying

Pavlov yourself into it

I've found that when I do these, it both helps sit down and get started, and it makes my brain associate it with positive things.

If you have the option, have a specific place you do schoolwork.

I happen to have like 3 desks in my dorm, even though I live in a single 🙃 So I have a desk where I have fun stuff, like my TV and gaming console, and a work desk which has my printer, laptop, and Kettle.

Minimize your distractions. Given that I'm currently writing this in procrastination, I'm lowkey failing that, but that's okay. You're going to get distracted sometimes. What matters is getting something done.

What did help minimize distractions is that I drink tea while I work. So I moved my kettle to my desk so I wouldn't have to get up and walk across my room every half hour

Find lighting that works for you. Some people might like soft lighting,

for me if I'm studying at night I need all the lights on to minimc daylight as much as possible.

Notice what you happen to be wearing or doing when your being productive. Like after you get your work done. We're you sitting in a specific position? what was the environment like? what were you wearing, was your hair up or down? were you wearing shoes?

Oddly, for me, I'm most productive if I'm wearing a bra with an underwire. If I need to clean, putting on shoes seems to cue my brain into its work time. Music usually helps me stay focused

If you take medication, make sure you take your medication.

Look, just make sure your basic needs, like sleep, food, and water, are all met first. Trust me, it is impossible to focus otherwise. Same with anything clamoring at your brain.

Regulate yourself first, like lay under a weighted blanket, meditate, or go on a walk. Those are all examples I do that help.

If you're nervous about an exam you're studying for and your stomach is in knots, you're never gonna retain the info. So take care of yourself first.

Block off more time than you think you need. Should this only take an hour? block off 2.5 hours. Especially if you have adhd and you aren't hyperfocused, you're gonna get distracted. Sometimes, you might not finish. that's okay. The goal is to have something. A word, a sentence, a page. Even if it's not a lot, something is better than nothing.

if you're really struggling with an assignment, half ass it. something is better than nothing, and yeah, you might fail it, but at least I'll be a 20% rather than a 0%.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly

[marvel-mistress-padawan]

I am questioning everything in my life right now. I've been trying to attend Grad school while working full time and couldn't seem to keep up with everything life required of me. So I left my full time work and took on additional loans in aan attempt to allow myself more time in the day and enable me to pass my classes. I'm not failing at this point but I'm not doing great either. I'm not actually good at anything. I'm 42 years old, I don't have a career, I don't own a home, I'm not thin, or pretty, or popular, or anything really. I'm just useless. And now I'm in further debt and for what? For a degree to do a job that I might not be any good at anyway? What is even the point?

And in like 30 years or less I will be dead and no one will remember or care that even existed. I literally just want to write stories and eat snacks and never leave my house. Why is that so impossible? Why do I have to work myself to death trying to "improve myself" so that I can have enough money to barely survive and no time at all for writing or creativity? It's all pointless. Why not just skip ahead and be dead now?

I am not suicidal. I have no plans to do anything drastic. I am just questioning the futility of existence. What is even the point?

[hermit-pride]

Day: 15. Still not doing very well with my journal but things are getting better. First off I saw my rheumatologist for a routine follow up and it appears that I am in remission with the Remicaide infusion and the weekly dose of methotrexate. But I had read that Paxil has properties that studies have shown reduces inflammation. I asked him to start me on it; which he did. Rheumatoid Arthritis also can cause depression as well. My theory about my depression is that I mostly denied having depression even though,in retrospect, I certainly had many symptoms of depression. But since I didn't "feel" depressed it was a particularly simple denial.

"Well dingbat", I told myself, "you have become so very accustomed to burying your feelings that you don't "feel" the depression like others".

So, nine days of Paxil and I see/feel the difference. My anhedonia has not changed appreciably, but my avolition has improved and I'm getting things done without reminders from my wife. My mood nearly always measured between 4.75 and 5.25 on a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being suicidal and 10 being finally able to look into Jesus face and knowing that 10 will be my new "normal". Now I seem to be between 5 and 6. But am still insulated against moods that are lower or higher. With my lifelong SzPD I'm not sure how I would hand mood swings out of my normally narrow range.

I guess, to sum it up, some of my negative symptoms for SzPD are impacted by my depression. Go figure!?!

Other good news, and bad... My wife ordered herself a wheelchair and she used to for the first time today. With her multiple health problems, she spend most of her time in bed; problems like POTS, fibromyalgia, long covid, poorly controlled Addison's, chronic spine problems, and new(er) onset of steroid-induced diabetes all contribute to her having little energy, dizzy spells, and continued oxygen dependence. Her life is miserable.

But, between Adderall and Paxel I feel like talking (outloud) and have the spiritual energy to engage in conversation. She told me this morning while driving to visit out of town family that I'm a "different person" with these medications. I have been reminded and I feel bad that she has little social stimulation other than what I bring. It is great to be able to better provide this as she has been depressed and lonely because of me being somewhere else when I'm with her. Other good news is that she tolerated room air while at rest. The bad news is that she is no less tolerant of activities like getting ready to see our relative. It would normally take 2 hours if she was well but this morning took almost four! And she required help dressing and packing, etc. Long covid-19 is a bitch!!

My RA is doing quite well. I worked Wednesday and Thursday night (12hr shifts) and had no resultant pain. Typically my feet hurt for about 24° afterwards. I'm hoping it's Paxil doing it's thing in concomitant therapy with Remicaide and MTX. I admit, walking an average of 12-18,000 steps over a 12 hour period isn't good for RA joints but with my ADHD I just don't want to sit. Also, if I sit for more than five minutes I get stiff, like a 90 year old man and when I get up on me feet it hurts a little until the stiffness goes away. Fortunately, work is going well. Thursday night I was called into the managers office and told that the union signed a contract and now we can get our raises. She said next paycheck will show a $2.46 raise! It's a good time to be a nurse! But joking aside, I have always enjoyed being a nurse and hope my health holds up until I'm 70 years old and I will (mostly) retire. My wife suggested I go part-time and work one shift per week after I retire. Hopefully, that will be an option. 💛❤️.

[lacyscabinet]

The feminine urge to bang my head against the wall