#depressing amount of self-hatred

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

[tragedykery]

screaming at the top of my lungs TANÉ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok that’s all

[skirwitte]

Reading my diary is actually like giving myself psychic damage… like this book is a literal real life horcrux. I feel light-headed

[huellitaa]

𓏲˳˚⊹ 🧸 become obsessed with yourself.

you are stupid. i said it. there. you are stupid.

let me get this straight. you are out here listening to these people who make you insecure. you are listening and actually giving a shit about people who put you down, make you feel unworthy, inferior, less of the absolute goddess that you are. you people please, you go above and beyond to help people & change yourself for people who would never do the same and for what. for people to like you? honey nobodys gonna like you. you dont even like yourself.

listen ml you need to get your priorities straight. sit down for a sec. like. just sit and genuinely ask yourself "what do i get out of this? how does this serve me?". go on, ask yourself. all these people who constantly think theyre better than you, that they can walk all over you, the ones that dont care a bit for you with their actions even if their words say otherwise, all these habits that only make you feel more low, more insecure, and dont align with where you wanna go in any way, shape or form. honey how in the hell does any of this serve you ???😭��

i am sick to death of seeing the word selfish everywhere the moment somebody steps up and is brave enough to try and better themselves. the amount of times ive gotten "youre so selfish" or "youve changed" or "you werent like this before" jst because i got out of the most severe depression of my life where i came close to being unalive so many times is riDICULOUS and just shows how normalised insecurity and people pleasing is nowadays.

you see, people are always trying to follow the trend, follow the leader, follow everyone else nowadays. nobody actually honours what they want & that is a reflection of their own insecurity and traumas and emotions they are too scared to face. do you really want that for yourself? youve got such big dreams, such big potential, but what on earth do you do to fulfill them?

i dont think you realise just how limitless you actually are. you can do anything. we are all born the same. its only those with the courage to get up and try who will reach what they want and achieve greater things.

GET OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF. i am so DRAINED and TIRED of caring about what people think. i like something? im gonna do it. i dont care. fuck people pleasing. what are they gonna do when youre rich and famous and successful and thriving? YOU ARE THE ONLY VALIDATION YOU NEED. life is so much easier when you genuinely could not care less, like you just dont give a single shit. you are the only person who knows you inside out and will be there with you 24/7 365. it infuriates me how self hatred is so normalised nowadays. like what the actual fuck, why would you wanna spend your entire life hating the only person whos gonna be with you every second without fail, when you are perfectly capable of reversing that???? its ridiculous.

get up. get obsessed with yourself. the only validation you should be chasing is your own. pull yourself together girl. this is ridiculous. you are so much more than this. start acting like it. be ur own biggest fan. be ur own bestest friend. everything you need is already within you. u got this. 💕

all my love 💓✨💗💘����💖

[cntloup]

house-husband!Nanami x fem!reader

fluffy fluff, teeny tiny allusion to sex

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

Kento hates work. "work is shit!" he said. he ran away from his life as a sorcerer to become a salaryman so he could make enough money to retire and live in peace, far away from people.

he only quit working as a salaryman and chose to be a sorcerer again because he deemed it less idiotic, and of course less depressing after experiencing the misery of the mundane day-to-day life. and he'd have less amount of regret about wasting his time and his work not having any significant impact on anyone.

but life as a sorcerer is far from easy. experiencing failure after failure, losing his friends and students, failing to save the common people, it had taken a heavy toll on him and nearly made him an alcoholic which caused a surge of self-hatred and disgust inside him.

he felt undeserving of your love so he tried to distance himself from you and it absolutely broke your heart to see him like that until you swooped in and took his hand to pull him out of the swamp created by the anguish and torment of the life as a sorcerer. so after witnessing how worn out and stressed he had become due to his work, you sat him down to discuss the situation.

he was hesitant at first when you suggested it, not wanting to burden you any further, but you mentioned how much you love your job and you're in for a promotion soon due to being one of the top employees.

you truly wanted to take the heavy burden off his shoulders and offer some solace instead which you did anyway only by existing, but this newly bloomed idea was a step further towards the life he always dreamed of. so eventually after some more coaxing and persuasion, he came around to the idea.

so he went to Yaga and blurted out, "I quit." and exited the room with no further explanation much to the principal's dismay and shouts of disagreement, but he simply didn't care as he left Jujutsu High for good this time with a faint smile on his face.

it really is a dream come true. he's finally free. and of course he picks up baking considering his obsession with bread and if you share this obsession with him or if you have a sweet tooth, you're in for a treat. he tries a new recipe every day. he has a keen eye for different ingredients and he's a natural at it with how meticulous he is.

he always wakes up before you, taking a moment to admire your beauty illuminated by the morning sunlight. your eyes slowly flutter open, "good morning, sweetheart." he greets which is returned by a sweet kiss on his lips.

and of course sometimes this ends up with your bodies tangled together beneath the sheets as you both pant heavily while giggling, not caring if you'll be late for work.

then eventually after some whining and some more kissing, you detangle your bodies and finally leave the bed.

he makes you breakfast and helps you gather your stuff and get ready for work.

he packs your lunch and always leaves a lovely cute note on it.

he goes over the shopping list you had written the day before while you're gone and makes sure you have everything you need, replaces your used up beauty products if you use any.

also makes sure that every appliance in the house is in perfect shape and if anything needs fixing, he's on it before you even notice it. after all, he wouldn't want his lovely, hardworking wife be bothered by such things.

you never come home empty-handed, always bringing back something for him, flowers or a tie, or simply something that reminded you of him. you always make sure to mention how grateful you are to have him in your life and how much you appreciate him.

"these for me?" he asks with a soft smile which is rare and only you get to witness, "for you, my love." you reply placing another kiss on his lips and handing him the flowers.

once you're at the door exhausted out of your mind, he's there to greet you with a sweet kiss, take off your coat and pick you up, carrying you to the bathroom and gently placing your weary body inside the tub which he has prepared for you.

he sits by the tub and feeds you the delicious meal he has made if you're too tired to do it yourself, and then comes the sweet treat he's made that day which always makes you moan at the first bite, "you're so good at this! fuck!" you say, making him chuckle.

he joins you in the tub after your whiny, yet cute voice calls out to him and you rest between his legs, your back pressed against his firm chest as he holds you in his strong arms and places gentle, languid kisses on your neck and shoulders.

the water temperature is perfect, not too hot, not too cold. and the aroma of your favorite oils and bathsalts takes over your senses as you take a deep breath out of finally being able to relax.

his big, slightly rough hands travel across your midsection, dancing on your skin, his loving touch eliciting soft moans out of your parted lips as your body melts further into his embrace.

he's truly meant to be a househusband😩😭

[furiousgoldfish]

I don't get why there are no resources for healthy expressions of anger. Are we as a society fundamentally opposed to people feeling anger? Are we afraid that if people get angry they're going to cause destruction so as an alternative we want anger to just not exist? Anger will go somewhere regardless of whether we want it to exist or not, and if a person who has good reasons to be angry, is not allowed to feel angry, they'll get eaten by self hatred and depression because that's what internalizing anger does.

It's also interesting that when abusers and people in power are angry, they can pretty much do whatever they like. Say no to them, they're having crazy revenges, they're tearing apart your stuff, they're starting wars, they're telling you how they're going to kill you in detail, no self restraint, no consequences, nothing. Anger is theirs to do as they please with and in response the society is just, too scared to do anything, so they assume that this specific anger is 'justified' and 'cannot be helped'. However when victims of something are angry, then they're labelled as 'unreasonable' and 'dangerous' and 'unable to move on from things'. Their anger is a problem that needs to be squashed, erased, there's apparently no justifications for these people to be angry, nothing that is reasonable or okay for them to do about it, they just get demonized and shamed for having a completely rational response to injustice.

Is that it then? Those who are able to act out on their anger, get justifications and obedience, but those who are helpless but angry for very good reasons, are just to be suffocated? Anger is allowed only for some parts of human society and it's the most violent, destructive and dangerous part of it too? Where is this getting us? Is the amount of injustice ever going to decrease if we defend injustice, and fight for it to keep going on?

If I look up ways to express anger, I get stuff like 'anger management steps', and 'letting go and moving on from anger', like excuse me. I didn't even get to express 1% of my anger and I need anger management? I have never had problems with controlling my anger, the struggle is to get it out at all! To integrate it into my personality, to hold people accountable without having to think about it, to show resistance when I'm being stepped on! What anger management? Why am I pushed to move away from anger, I haven't even arrived to anger!

Why is it assumed that every person who struggles with expressing anger is a maniac breaking things, enacting revenges, trying to injure or murder people, lashing out and doing harm to everyone around themselves. I can guess why. Because all of the resources are created for people who are letting their anger run wild without a cap and who use anger to get their way. The world is adjusted for people who are allowed to be angry, who were never pushed to the point where getting angry meant loss of survival, where expressions of anger would lead to torture. I am apparently not even considered to exist. I'm either a maniac or not a target audience for anger resources.

If someone's been traumatized out of being able to feel angry, people don't think it's worth having this person angry. It's very obvious this person has giant reasons for anger, so if we let them feel it, they could become 'dangerous', or 'just like their abuser'. You know, being angry at the abuser does not make anyone like the abuser, it makes them Normal. Rational. Having Self Worth. Human. Logical. Reasonable. Engaging in everyone's best fucking interest because you know that abuser is going wreck havoc forever and if nobody is even angry at them, it's giving them an even easier time. Anger is scary when it's in hands of abusers, in the hands of victims it is liberating, just, it puts things into perspective and back where they belong.

Now give me the fucking resources to get angry. I'm sick and tired of hating myself.

[mysinsforventi]

~💜~ If I'm your truth, can you be my lie? ~💜~

~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~

dom! Lyney x sub! f. reader

(reader ISN'T traveler!!)

+ 18 (minors DNI!!!) (all characters in this are adults!)

(This was written before 4.1 release! Characters are not canon! Just my AU!)

Warnings:

(THERE IS A LOT!!): not canon (ooc), a bit of arlecchino x lumine at the end (just minor) , angst, smut, dark themes, cursing, manipulation, gaslighting, pedophile noble man, drugging minors, kidnapping, trauma, death/ murder, lying , self hatred, betrayal, anxiety, depression, identity issues, anger issues, rough sex, nipple/clit clips, anal sex, vibrator, double penetration, master-kink, breeding, creampie, overstimulation, name-calling, discrimination, spanking, a bit voyeurism?, dirty talk, teasing, oral sex both, fingering, reader crying (out of pleasure), hickeys, bitemarks, possesive behavior, obsession, fatui lyney, bit yanderer lyney, (let me know if I forgot something!!)

About:

As lumine's & paimon's travel companien you had the luck of seeing a lot of things, meeting a lot of people. There was never a time you were not grateful for beeing so close with the legend traveler. That all changed after entering fontain. Fontain the nation of justice. It changed you forever. All because a special magican boy has his eyes on you. Showing a huge amount of interest in you.

Neither of you knew, you were all just puzzle pieces of a much bigger game. Well one person knew.. or is it all just a lie? Then what is the truth? Can you be HIS truth? After all he is YOUR lie. Will the traveler lose another important person or win another good friend? Who is the mastermind behind these events? Who is 'the knave' really? Who is betraying who?

Blinded by a lie you try to find the truth. What a great magic trick. Creating a lie for you. Actually you were blinded by the truth, trying to find a lie..

~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~

(I noted were the nsfw part starts and where it ends, because the ff is so long! ♡ )

(Another fanfic I'll go to hell for! I'm acutally very proud of this one lmao! Please enjoy~♡)

~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~

Fontain, the nation of justice. Lumine and paimon, your best friends and you just arrived here. You had overcome many difficulties since your first days in mondstadt. So you walked with confindence along the habor of fontain. Yet neither of you had any idea that this would be your last journey together. That the nation of justice would take something else from the traveler. The only hope, besides her good friend paimon, she still had left. What tragedy..

"I heard that here in fontain they use all kind of different machines!", paimon explained, floating infront of the both of you. You looked at the huge waterfall and smiled amazed, "What a sight!! Did you ever see something like this on your travels lumine?", you asked curiously, looking over at your friend. The traveler nodded her head as she smiled, "One time there was a huge waterfall that moved backwards. The people used to keep whales as their pets and ride on them~", lumine explained while giggeling to herself. "W-WHALES??", paimon asked shocked. You glared at lumine, "You are messing with me right?!", as you laughed. "What?! And paimon trusted you!!", your floating friend pouted, stumping her foot in the air. This made all of you laugh, "noo the betrayal!!~~", you added in a dramatic voice and laughed more.

After you calmed down you decided to talk to a girl looking into the water for a while. Scared she would jump in. "Are you alright?", paimon asked the girl. "Huh? Oh! Yes I'm fine, thanks for asking!", the girl said, continueing to stare into the water. "We don't mean to bother you it's just you looked worried so we wanted to ask if everything is okay?", paimon tried again. "Please don't jump! This might be weird coming from a stranger but it's not worth it!", you added, looking worried, mentally getting ready to jump in after her.

The girl finally turned around to you, "I wasn't going to jump. There is no reason to worry. I was just looking at a hill were my brother and I played as kids", she said, smiling a bit softly at you before going back to this emotionless expression of hers. Did she just smile? No you must be seeinh things, all this way through the dessert must've messed with your head.

"Well hello there, I don't think we had the pleasure of meeting yet? Are you lynettes new friends?", a boy, looking very much the same as the girl asked, walking towards us. "No we just wanted to ask if everything is okay and got to talking", you answered with a smile, "even tho we don't got what she was saying..", paimon added, lumine nodded with a gently smile. "Mhh I see thats odd. Usually lynette never talk much, especially not with strangers. The only one she ever talks is with me. I'm lyney and thats my sister lynette~", the boy, lyney said with a bright smile on his lips. "Nice to meet you lyney and lynette, I'm y/n, the travelers companien", you said, "paimon is paimon and thats the traveler", she smiles at the twins before us.

"Y/n what a magical name..", lyney laughed and looked in your eyes with a soft gaze. You smiled back and giggeld, "Thank you lyney, your name reminds me of sugar, it sounds sweet~". Lyney blushed at that and coughed. This made lynette laugh quietly. You giggled as lumine and paimon just hit their hand on their heads.

Back then you didn't even realise how much impact this moment had. This interaction between all of you. The soft gaze, the warm, charming smile, the sweet words leaving his mouth that lyney gave you. The caring looks, the short, happy smiles, the purring that lynette gave you. You had no idea what that would mean in the future..

"The opera house? Sure let's go there later I just have to take care of something here first", lyney said, looking at the traveler with a smile.

Would you look at that.. it's not the same smile he gives you. You never noticed... He always treats you different from the travler somehow?? Not that you were jelaous but you never noticed this fact about lyney. Does he do this with all people? You wondered.

You all walked towards the aquabus. It was such a nice view from up here. The aquabuses looked so cool. Music was ringing through some speakers. You listened to it as you sat on the aquabus, waiting for it to move. The song was an interesting one. Yet sadly you couldn't understand the whole lyrics of it. But it went something like this:

//

… I'm sorry that I did this

The blood is on my hands

I stare at my reflection

I don't know who I am

Practice my confession

In case I take the stand

I'll say I learned my lesson

I'll be a better man

… I'm packing up my things

And I'm wiping down the walls

I'm rinsing off my clothes

And I'm walking through the halls

I did it all for her

So I felt nothing at all

I don't know what she'll say

So I'll ask her when she calls.

//

"Do you like this song?", lyney sat down next to you, blocking your view of the speakers. A warm smile on his face. You nodded, "It sounded good. I just wished I could've understood the lyrics some more but it echeos here so much haha", you giggeled, looking at lyney. He laughed to and pulled a card from his sleeve only to show it to you, "Sometimes the deeper you look the less enjoyable something gets my dear. Try to enjoy the song for the melody not for it's meaning. Happiness suits you better then a confused stare~", with that the magican threw the card into the air only to make a rose appeare. "Look what I have here for you~ So that what was hiding in my hat~", lyney gave the rose to you and smiled.

You paused as your eyes widened. Thanks to your boyfriend lyney you knew all cards and what the meant. Back then you couldn't have noticed but now.. the card that he showed you was a reversed magican!  The reversed magician is a master of illusion. The magic that he performs is one of deception and trickery. You may be lured in by the showmanship of his arts, but behind that there may be an intention to manipulate for selfish gain...

Why did he show you this card? Has it something to do with the song you heard?

Looking at all the pictures of your photos together you still didn't think lyney was the murderer. Someone else must've framed him! You stood up as you walked outside of your teapot room, "lumine? I couldn't find anything either! I really don't think lyney would do such a thing you know!..", you sounded sad, upset. The traveler came to you to hug you, "We will prove your boyfriends innocence y/n! Don't worry okay?~", she smiled caressing your back. It has been almost 2 months since lyney and you were official dating. Yet it felt like two days since you two met. It is crazy. But you are so in love with him, your feelings for him were strong. So of course you would help him if he was accused of murder and had to stand trail! Lyney is a innocenct, good soul!

Or at least so you thought..

~ 💜 ~ The Trail ~ 💜 ~

You sit there, in the court, in the crowd, watching lyney's trail. Even if you just started dating not to long ago, you didn't believe a single thing that was said against him. Lyney was a kind soul, he would never do, such things! That was what you thought in the beginning of the trail. But now.. you weren't so sure anymore.. are you hurt? Is it the shock? You looked to your traveler friend, lumine. She seemed shocked as well, even more than you. For her it must be even worse than for you..

"Aren't you, mr lyney & you, mrs lynette both part of the house of the hearth?!", furina, the hydro archon just asked. A question that didn't really wanted to click in your head. Lyney? House of the hearth? Fatui? Bad person? There was so much going on in your head, yet your mind was completly blank. What did this mean?

After a few seconds you understood. You understood very well. But.. it has to be a missunderstanding right? Lyney would never..

"Answer my question mr. lyney!", the chief justice, nevieultte asked. Silence. You looked up to lyney, hoping to see a look of shock on his face. But there wasn't.. It looked more like.. guilt? Sadness? Maybe both? Clearly he feels bad that people think that way about him right? Poor lyney he really doesn't deserve this! "Yes your honor, it's the truth!", lyney answered with a serious look on his face.

Your breath stopped for seconds. The same words echoed in your mind. It is true? How did you never notice? Did he use you to get to know the traveler better? You looked up to your friend, lumine. She also looked down to you. Her face said it all.. hurt, disappointed, sad for you. But lumine quickly realised by just looking at you that you didn't know either.

Your heart hurted. Was it all just a lie? Maybe he never liked you.. it was all just a 'script' as furina put it? Actually you didn't know why you are so shocked. You kind of suspecte he hid something from you. You guessed right so why the hard feelings? The answer is simple really, because you are blinded by love. You fell right into his charm, into his trap, his illusion. Even now, your heart tells you it will be alright. He is a villain and? He murders people and? He is a liar and manipulator and? You still loved him! You always would no matter who he was or what he will become in the future. Caught in his charming web, no way of escape.

"Mr Lyney & Mrs Lynette are declared NOT GUILTY!!", finally the end of the trial was here. And you smiled, you were so happy. Even if lyney is a fatui at least he didn't hurt someone. Of course you still would ask for an explaination of him later! You still loved him after all, yet your trust issues are sending warn signals in your head through your whole body. Something still doesn't feel quiet right..

Looking up to lumine who just got ready to leave, you wondered, does she sense it too? Something is missing..

As trial ended you rushed over to your friend, lumine. She greated you with a soft hug and pats on the back. Oh.. she knew you were hurt. "Are you alright?", paimon asked, looking worried at you. You nodded while smiling softly, "It's going to be fine.. I'm sure lyney has his reasons! I want to hear his explainatiom first before jumping to conclusions!", you said towards your friends.

Not shortly after lyney & lynette ran after the traveler and you. It felt heartbreaking to see the way your friend acted towards the twins. Yet she had every reason to do so. After all she almost embarrassed herself infront of the hydro archon who maybe had information on her brother. Why would the hydro archon tell a criminals helper anything? Right?..

Still it hurted your soul to see the traveler leaving like that, "I'll see you later then!", lumine said to you as she left the opera house. So she DID sense it too! She knew something is off..

"Love, can we talk?", lyney asked you, sadness feeling his shaky voice. He is upset. The travelers reaction made him upset. The question is why.. because of his plans? Or does he really care?..

"Sure, where? Maybe somewhere more privat?", you asked with a gently smile towards the twins. "If it's okay.. would like to come back with us to.. um.. our home?", lyney asked, voice shaky, nervous. Is he scared you won't trust him? That you will say no? "Sure lyney let's go~", you smiled and nodded. There is a slim chance this could be a trap.. but oh well.. it's not like you couldn't fight yourself!

So you went back to the siblings house with them. "Sit down, would you like something to drink?", lyney asked with his usually cheerfull smile, but there was a pitch of sadness in his eyes. Sitting down on his bed you looked at him, "lyney why didn't you tell me?", you asked without taking your eyes from him. It was a honest question. Lyney held still in his movements and sighed, "I'm sorry.. I swear I wanted to! But the timing wasn't right.. I didn't want the traveler or you to hate me because I'm part of the fatui.. not all of us are bad..", lyney explained, looking at you with sorrow in his eyes. He looked upset. But was he upset over the 'script' failing or over their new found bound?

"I don't hate you lyney! I'm just.. upset why you didn't tell me sooner? I'll accept and love you no matter who you are or become!", you said, starting to tear up, "Tell me honestly.. was there a second motive involved as you and lynette approuched the traveler and me?", your voice was shaking as you asked what you feared most. The tears just started to overflow, running down your chin.

Lyney was lost for words. You were hurt and it ripped his heart apart. He never ment for things to be this way. All feelings for you were real and true! As for the traveller.. this was another story. But even if he explained it in detail to you, would you understand? Understand that he did all this just to protect his family, to give lynette finally the live she, no they deserved?! He didn't like the idea of beeing bad one bit. He loves to make people gasp in suprise and see their smiles and laughs. Hurting someone wasn't something he enjoyed, yet for his family he would go through with everything! Would you understand him? Stand by his side?

Lyney leaned in, pulling you in his arms and hugging you tightly. Trying to calm you down. "I know you have no reason to believe me. But all the words I said to YOU, all my feelings and actions for YOU, to YOU were real and came from heart. I showed you a part of me I usually keep hidden away.. the real lyney is a lot more complex and pathetic then the lyney on stage you know.. it's not something you just show everyone..", lyney whispered lost in thought, caressing with one hand gently over your back, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just so scared.. I'm scared of losing you. If you would give me the chance to explain how things came to be this way.. maybe you will understand the real lyney better?", it was a question to you.

You toke a deep breath while leaning against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. Suprisingly it was completly calm. Not a beat was off. Yet his body language spoke a different story. He looked scared, clenching his other hand in his lap to a fist, pressing his theeth together. He looked like he wanted to break down in tears but kept it under control. He hid everything away under this charm, under this cheerfull smiles. Taking his clenching hand in yours you looked up and smiled softly, "Thank you for telling me this lyney! I would love to get to know and love the real lyney, so would you please tell me more about you? I want to believe you! ", you said, kissing his hand with so much love as possible.

Lyney couldn't help but let out a gasp at your words. It felt like a huge burden was taken of off him. His heart was about to shatter in thousends of peaces. He loved you so so much, losing you would be like the sky would fall down, crushing every single shade of light amd hope underneath it. Without thinking he grabbed your hand, pulled you in his arms and hugged you tightly. "Thank you! I'll explain everything and I promise there won't be anymore secrets! I shall empty all my sleves and hat for you!", the magican said, his voice sounding a bit broken.

You hugged him back, gently caressing his back. Trying to calm him down. "I'm listening love~", you whispered, waiting for him to explain. For him to state his reasoning. For him to finally be a step closer to be himself around you. "It all started as lynette and I were still kids. Our parents died as we both were very young..", lyney started. You could tell it wasn't easy for him to talk about this. His breath grew heavier, voice slightly shaking. You toke both his hands in yours as you kissed them gently, "Don't force yourself if you're not ready! Today was a lot going on, we can talk another time love!", you said, worried for your boyfriend. As much as you wanted tl know the truth, your boyfriend's health mattered more to you. "No! I want to tell you this, I want you to understand that I'm not a bad person! J-Just give me some time please..", lyney snapped but sighed right after. He was different. Completly different from the 'lyney' you knew. Or you thought yiu knew. You just nodded and holding his hands in yours, waiting.

After a while lyney continued talking, "Because of our parent's death we were forced to live on the streets. I hated it! Our live was cursed. If it would just be me.. I couldn't have cared less but lynette didn't deserve such a live! It was disgusting, dangerous and I tried everything to get us out of this situation. So we leaned a few magic tricks we saw on the street, it wasn't anything special but it brought us some mora and some reason to live on. But it was far from good. One day a..", lyney stopped, shwalloed hard, clenching his fist, "a noble man came to us. He 'adopted' us, saying we were so talented. In the beginning I thought of it as a blessing. But.. it wasn't. Just another curse that was laid up on us! This noble man brought me to many different partys, festivals, just to grow his power, his social circle. And what better way as to use a young, 'handsome' and talented boy.. Tch!!..", the magican's eyes filled with rage. The grew darker in color and were filled with pure hatred. You never had seen your boyfriend like this.

"Lyney, it's in the past. You are here with me now!", you spoke in a soft voice, kissing his hands while looking at him. Seeing how his gaze grew softer right away. After a few minutes of silence he continued, "He forced me to peform magic on every party, mostly with lynette as my assistent, but more often I started to perform by myself.. he forced me to..", another sign that it was difficult to talk about this situation, your boyfriend sighed and continued, "I shouldn't tell you this. It's horrible but.. you have the right to know as my girlfriend. It will shock you a bit.. and I don't know if you will still like me after this.. so please get ready..", the magican said, hesitating a bit. He looked at the ground, hair falling over his eyes, so you couldn't see him tearing up.

What happened to him? You started to grow upset, thinking to ask your traveler companien, lumine to go and find this man. You know, just paying a visit, saying hello. How dare he make your boyfriend so upset? You sat up, moved out of lyneys arms as you placed your own around him. Pressing him to your chest, caressing his back gently, "Lyney no matter what you tell me it won't change a thing! It is the past! I won't leave you! So if you want to tell me, don't be afraid okay?", you whispered in a sad, warm voice.

Hearing those words meant so much to the magican. "Fine.. Thank you..", lyney continued speaking, "The noble man forced me to perform alone, drink with guests, wear clothes in ways.. that.. were not common for children. He forced me to sleep with rich women, man.. He teached me how to manipulate people.. As a child I thought I had to push through it, just so that lynette had a better live. Later on I started to realise how bad this all was. That it wasn't normal.. The snapping point was as lynette wasn't with me at all. I waited for her back at home but she never came. As I went to ask the noble man where my sister was.. he said... he said.. that one of the man at the party liked her and so he send her over to him as a gift..", lyney finished, his hands shaking, taking deep breathes.

Blood lust, rage, hate. You could feel it. It filled the room. Your own hands were cold, your heart beating fast. What kind of sick jerk?!! You really needed to talk to lumine about this! This bastard will pay!! That was your thoughts, yet you just bit your lip and hugging lyney thighter, kissing his hands.

"Stop this!", lyney all of sudden said. Holding in your tracks you looked shocked. Pulling away from him, "Oh okay.. I'm sorry!", you said a bit sad but worried. He must be very traumatized, you should leave him a bit, you thought. "N-No! Stop beeing angry for me! I can feel it.. the anger. Please don't feel angry.. like you said it's in the past and the noble is already dead!", lyney said, pulling you back into his arms. Making you fall on his lap, you blushed as you tried to sit up. Yet no chance since the magican held you close to him as he continued, "I ran after lynette, storming into the house of the noble. But as I arrived there the noble man was already dead. Father, the knave, arlecchino killed him. Father saved us. Also saving all the other young girls that were found in the basement! Lnyette didn't come to any harm. After this arlecchino made a deal with me, I could live happily with my family in order to follow her. Betrayal shall not happen and everyone would be treated as important. We shall get our freedom back.. I wasn't sure back then, after all I was just betrayed but.. father saved lynette so.. I ended up agreeing. Everything I do, have done is just for my family!.. Even tho I'm with the fatui at the end of the day I'm still just a brother who wants to protect his sister.." , lyney finished, sighing, looking to you. His eyes grew wide and he suddenly regreted telling you all of this.

You sat there listening to all of it, your heart was clenching in pain. It hurt. You loved lyney and lynette so much. You were hurt for them. What did they do to deserve this? Your hands were cold and shaking, tears running down your cheeks, biting your lip to stay quiet.

"Love.. please don't cry! I can't stand this hurt expression on your face! Look I'm all fine now, lynette is fine too. We have visions now and can protect ourselves! Besides.. we have you!", the magican whispered with a soft smile on his face. A caring smile, a real smile.. his real smile. Your heart jumped, yet you cried even more. Lyney finally for the first time showed you his real smile! This meant so much to you!

"Aghhh.. love.. please stop crying mhh? Look I'll show you something fun!", lyney said, grabbing his cards from the table next to him. "Pull one card! Doesn't matter which one!", lyney said, holding a few card in his hand. You giggled and pulled one, "It does matter does it? Fine I did and now?", you asked rubbing your tears away with the other hand, trying to calm yourself down. "Hold your card so that I can't see it, only you!", lyney said.

You did what he told you. "Now I want you to put this card, without me seeing it back into my hand okay?", your boyfriend said, holding his cards still in the hand. After you followed his request, he shambled the cards, "Now I'll mix them, I'll have no idea what you card was of course. But let my mind read yours, I'll pull your card out of this mixed card deck in a moment! Ready?~", he continued. You looked interested and curious as you nodded. "Is THIS your card?", lyney asked, pulling a card out of his deck. You pouted and giggeled, "Your mind trick didn't work lyney, this isn't my card". "Ohh... I see I wonder where it's hiding then? Mhh.. Oh I can see it clearly in my mind! Love, would you please check under the pillow next to you?", the magican pointed next to you. As you lifted the pillow and your card was underneath it you gapsed, "Noo wayy..". "Ahh see there it was hiding! And was this your card?", lyney smirked, taking back his card. You clapped your hands in excitement, "Yes!! This was amazing! You're so cool lyney!", you giggeld, hugging your boyfriend tightly. "And I'm glad you stopped crying y/n~", lyney smiled, caressing over your cheek.

"From now on I promise YOU, I'll try to be more like my real self and I'll always be honest with YOU!", lyney said, looking into your eyes. You smiled and leaned in to gently place your lips on his, "I know love! I forgive you and I believe you~", you said, kissing him again. Even if you still felt like you overlooked something, like something was missing you quickly dismissed it as he pushed you down on his bed. Kissing you deeper, caging you in between his arms, him now towering above you. The kiss continued until you both were barely able to breath. Then you parted to catch your breath. Your mind was blank, was lyney always such a good kisser? You couldn't remember. As you looked into his eyes all you saw was pure love, his cheeks were red, softly blushing. But his usually smile was gone, he just looked so cold. His eyes spoke another story..

"This is the real me.. without mask, without cheerfull smiles, without many words.. do I make you uncomfortable beeing like this?", lyney asked, looking into your eyes, watching out for any sign of discomfort. "No! You don't lyney! I'm curious to see more of the real you. I'll accept you for who you are, who you want to be!", you stated, hands reaching up to his face, just to cup his cheeks and squish them softly. A smile found it's way to lyney's lips. Soon after it disappeared again as he looked away with a sigh, "Thank you love. That means the world to me! But.. you maybe forgive me but will the traveler ever?..", the magican asked. He looked clearly upset. A sigh left your mouth. Even if you knew lumine pretty well you had no idea what to say. Giving information on her wouldn't do good.

"See.. like I understood your reasons, you have to understand that the traveler has been through a lot too. There is a good amount of bad history between the traveler and the fatui! Giving it's mostly fatui habringers that caused trouble and I'm sure the traveler knows that, eventually not all fatui members are the same. Yet we saw a lot, someone who used their own people as their doorstep, someone who kicked our dear friend brutally in the stomatch, someone who would gladly sacrifice any person along their way of power, someone who threw a whole nation into chaos and tried to drown it, someone who sold delusion illegaly and killed a got friend of ours, a psychopath who kinapped children, expieremented on them and drugged them.. these people were all fatui members. The traveler has been betrayed, hurt, got used so many times.. She probably just snapped..", you explained, looking at lyney. Another sigh left his lips, now looking back at you, "And you? You were there with her! Yet you forgive me? You saw those things too?!", he looked so hurt as he asked this. A smile came to your face, "Because thats the real me! I am me! I am my own person! And the traveler is their own person! The traveler maybe can't forgive you.. but I can! Because I am me!~", you said, looking into his eyes.

(Nsfw starts here~ )

Before you knew it lyney hugged you tightly, hiding his face in your neck, "Y-You can't just say things like this ma cherie~~", the magican stuttert. He got shy right there. Not expecting such an honest answer. Once again you suprised him, proving everything he thought he knew about you wrong. Throwing his mind reading skills under the aquabus. You really were something, he smirked in your neck. If you wouldn't be his girlfriend already he would've asked you to be his again. How much he loved you was actually insane. But that wasn't enough. Kissing and holding you close wasn't enough anymore. Lyney wanted you completly all to himself, he wanted you to be marked as his! Without thinking he leaned hin and sucked on your neck. Leaving a hickey. Then another one, and another one. He continued till your whole neck and shoulders were covered in hickeys and lovebites. Leaning back, panting heavy while admiring his work.

"Please let me show you how much I love you! Let me give you all the pleasure you deserve! Will you let let me take it a few steps further in our realtionship ma cherie?", your boyfriend asked you, serious look on his face, his cheeks called him out tho. He was so embarrassed to ask this. But he needed to know! You blushed yourself, heart beating fast, were you really about to do it? It's not like you were a virgin but thinking about doing such things with your boyfriend, lyney made you feel like one. You had dreamt about situation's like this.. might touched yourself to the thoughts of him taking you. But now, that it's about to become reality, you were actually a bit nervous. You wanted him obviously and you tried to say that but you just opened and closed your mouth like a fish on land. Heart beating out of your chest.

"I'm sorry love.. I got ahead of myself haha~ With your charming looking self it's really hard not to! Forget it ma cherie~ i just-", lyney stuttered, laughed akwardly and wanted to sit up. Noo you were silent for to long!! Aghh, you cursed at yourself inside your mind. The smile.. it looked fake. It was interesting how just now you saw the difference. He is back to his fake-self. Quickly you grabbed lyneys arm to pull him back on top of you as you yelled, "PLEASE FUCK ME!!", in his face above you.

A moment later you let out a loud gasp, holding your hand infront of your mouth. Why did you say it like that? Oh man.. what an embarrassement.. Hiding your face in your hands you waited for his reaction.

Lyney felt disgusting. You both had such an emotional moment and here he was.. semi hard under his pants, mind filled with unholy, sinfull thoughts of you laying under him. Obsessed with the idea to make you completly his. After you didn't answer he felt horrible. Was he about to become like the people he hated the most? Driven by their own sexuell desire not caring about others. He didn't want to be like. But these thoughts were lost the moment you pulled him back, saying the three magic words he never thought would hear from you. Lyney wasn't innocenct, he heard those words a lot, even if most are connected with bad memorys. But hearing you say those words was different! His cock twichted in his pants, only growing in size, geting harder. Damn.. you shouldn't have said that! A chuckle left the magican as he leaned down, stopping right infront of your lips, "Are you sure you can handle me?~", he said with a teasing smirk on his lips.

You held your breath has lyney leaned in, blushing hardly at his words. This damn tease..

"Why don't you test it out? I want all of you!~", you smirked back at him, just to laugh at his shy expression. He wasn't expecting that. Usually you were always the one blushing and he loved it. But now.. look who also has another side towards themselves?

Lyney chuckled and leaned in to kiss you deeply, caressing with one of his hands through your hair, "Then don't mind if I do show you the stars a bit closer tonight~", he whispered against your lips. Kissing you deeply, his tongue playing with yours. You couldn't help but to give in. Enjoying it, enjoying his sweet whisperes of compliments on your skin, against your lips. The room felt hot, yet you were so wet. Rubbing your thighs against each other while the whole make-out session happened. Lyney caressed his hands over your body, massaging all your sensetive spots. One hand of his moved under your shirt, playing with your breats while still kissing you.

You panted heavily into the kiss, nippels growing hard under his gentle touch. It felt so good. The magican pulled away, looking at you with lustfull eyes, "May I reveal your beauty to my eyes?", tugging on your shirt, he asked. You quickly nodded, lifting your arms up. One second later your shirt and bra layed somewhere forgotten on the room's floor. Lyney massaged your breats, playing with your hard nippels. Twirling them a bit,without hurting you. Curious over your reaction he leaned his head down, sucking on one of your already sensetive nippels. A smirk covered his face as you let out a loud moan. Suprised at the sudden pleasure overcoming your body. With his other hand he circled one finger around your nippel, but not touching were you wanted it to. While his tongue played and sucked on your nippel, you rubbed your thighs together. You were so wet already. Moaning and panting you had closed your eyes.

You opened them just as quick again. You were about to cum. "Ahh- l-lyney I-", you were trying to warn him. But the magican just hummed in knowledge and continued to suck. Taking his finger and gently flicking your other nippel, while sucking on the other you came. Moaning his name out loud, legs shaking. Cumming in your underwear. Lyney continued for a while before stopping as you calmed down a bit. "Did it feel that good? Ohh~ I must be really talented then with my mouth~ OOR.. could it be that I turn you on this much?~", a proud smirk covered his face. While still catching your breath you answered, "B-Both!", and sat up, pushing him to lay back on his bed. Climbing over him, sitting on his lap. "Would it be alright to take this off?", you asked, pulling on his bow and his clothes.

Suprised lyney leaned back, the view was great he had to admit. Maybe he should let you ride him next time, he thought to himself. Your question made him blush, his ears heating up, cock twitching im his pants. "Take everything off I don't mind~", he answered, smug as always. His heartbeat wasn't smug at all tho. Beating fast. You giggled and nodded, "Fine remember you allowed me too!~", you teased back. Your curiosity got the better of you and you couldn't wait to see your most beautiful boyfriend in his whole glory.

Taking off all of his clothes, just leaving him in his boxers you blushed. Damn he looked fine. You caressed over his chest, without thinking much leaning down, starting to kiss his chest, his shoulders, his arms, down to his stomatch, kissing his neck, leaving hickeys and lovebites everywhere. "Now everyone will know that the great magican lyney is taken~", you smirked, mostly to yourself, beeing proud. Lyney laughed, panting, with one hand gently caressing your head. "Let me return the pleasure to you", you smiled as you carefully removed his boxers. Gasping in suprise as his rock-hard cock jumped out, standing up all angry. A cute whine escaped the magican. Fuck, he had imagined you doing this for the longest time. He couldn't believe this moment was real.

Taking his cock in your mouth, filling up your throat as much as possible with his length. Taking it all in until your face met his hips. "Mghhh.. you're soo bighh~", you mumbled, mouth stuffed with him. Then you started slowly moving your head up and down, licking the tip with your tongue. Going faster after a while. Lyney could swear he was this close already. You were just so hot. You drove him insane. "Love, d-don't ahh- say those things! I-I aghh~ might lose control!", he whimpered out, holding on to the sheeds.

His cock twitching in your mouth. Was he close already? You moved your head faster, sucking harder. One hand caressing over his thighs, finding his full balls, massaging them gently. "Cumf in my mouthh~", you mumbled. Hearing him whine and whimper made you wet again. Feeling your clit throbb at the dirty sounds. "C-Cumming!! Nghh-", a second later your boyfriend, thrusted up in your mouth, leting out a grunt with a whine after. His hips jerking a bit, eyes closed while moaning your name in a dreamy voice. Cumming all into your mouth. There was so much. Without missing a beat you shwalloed his seed completly. Before you let go of him and pulled away, catching your breath.

The magican looked down at you, grabbing your arm, pulling you up in his arms to kiss you. A kiss full with love. "You did so well for me ma cherie~ Please let me taste you too?~", he asked into the kiss, licking over your lips. As you nodded he looked at you, "Sit down then~", he gestured to his face, laying on his back on the bed. A gasp left you at his idea, "A-Are you sure? I might be.. heavy..", you asked worried to hurt him. "Don't underestimate me! Sit down my love~", lyney said, looking serious at you. He really meant it.

With a nod you removed the rest of your clothes. You both were completly bare now. You crawled over him on the bed. Kneeling over his head. Your face all red, shy because you felt exposed like this. "What a great view ma cherie, lucky only I can see this everyday~", he whispered, caressing his hands over your ass. Massaging your ass while starring at your dripping wet cunt. You were so beautiful he could look at every part of you forever. What a perfect view but the show must go on so he leaned in, breathing against your cunt. Chuckling as you whimpered under his touch. Giving your slit a teasing lick with his tongue. But that wasn't nearly enough. "Sit down love~" he said to you, pointing on his face. Still kneeling over him you let yourself down on his mouth a bit more. "I said SIT!!", the magican grabbed your hips, pulling you down on his face, grabbing you tighs and holding you there. Holy shit! His voice changed tune completly. No, not only his voice, his entire aura was different! Fatui lyney is here and long may he stay..

A few minutes later and you came already twice. Lyney fucked his tongue into your hole, swirling it around inside, hitting all the right places. Then moving out, flicking your clit with his tongue. And repeat. It's like he couldn't get enough of your taste, your moans, your shaking legs. He was obsessed, with you! Tears running down your face, you grabbed the headboad as you leaned your head against it. Having not enough strengh anymore to hold yourself up. "C-Cumming again!! Nghh- lyney I'm.. cumming again!!!", you moaned, throwing your head back. The magican was unbothered, his pace growing faster, "Then cum!! Give it to me!", he ordered.

"AGHH L-LYNEEYY!!", you screamed his name, cumming into his mouth for the third time this night. Licking all of it clean, lyney removed his tongue from inside you. He smirked, happy with his actions, before geting an idea. He wasn't done with you yet! Just as you were about to catch your breath, he pushed two fingers into your hole, "You are still so tight ma cherie~ How will I fit my big cock in there mhh?~", he teased, smirking to himself as he started thrusting the fingers in and out of your used cunt. "T-To much-", you whined, moaning, yet moving your hips with his fingers. It felt so good but you were so sensetive that you coudln't help but to cry out. Not that you wanted him to stop, if anything you wanted him to go deeper!

"Mhh.. you are a bad liar ma cherie~ I saw the way you looked at my fingers all day, how you clenched your thighs together. I saw the way your eyes wandered over my back, my thighs. You eye-fucked me since the day we first met at the habor. So don't tell me it's 'to much'!", lyney looked up to you with a proud, teasing smirk. And you knew he was right. "M-More please.. lyney I want more~", you looked down at him, moving your hips faster. "That's my girl!~", the magican said. Fingers thrusting deeper, pace growing faster. You moaned his name loudly, eyes rolling over as you let out a loud yelp. What was that? Your head was spinning for a moment, it felt so good. "Ohh?~ Ma cherie let me show you a magic trick! In a second a waterfall will appear infront of our eyes, are you ready?~", lyney had this grin on his face that spelled trouble, yet you were to far gone already to realise that. "S-show mee ahh~~", you moaned, continueing to ride his fingers.

A twist of lyndys hand, currling of the two fingers. You felt how his fingers pulled all the way out, you whined at the lose of his touch. "Now watch closely love~", lyney said as he snapped his finger with the other hand. Trusting two fingers at once, full spead against your sweetspoat deep inside your cunt. While with the other hand he gently flicked your clit once. You didn't even know what was happening to you. Throwing your head forward, your mind became empty. A loud scream left you, you had lost all control over your body. Legs shaking like crazy, you squirted. All over lyndys face, all over the bed and all over your thighs. Panting heavily while holding on to the headboard. "Look at you~ I should make you my apprentice! You learn so quickly how to put on a great show~", lyney chuckled, removing his fingers from inside you, licking everything clean.

Still trying to calm down and geting your brain to function again you slowly opened your teary eyes. Did you just squirt? You never did that before.. oh wow!! "Mhh~ you taste so delicious, I want more ma cherie~", the magican under you mumbled. Pushing his tongue back into your still dripping cunt. Cleaning every last drop of you. Eating you out again. "Aghh!! L-lyn- aghj~ wait!! S-Still sensetivee~", you yelped, trying to push his head away. But lyney was having none of it, grabbing your thighs to hold you down, over his face, till he was finished. There was nothing you could do besides sit down and enjoy.

"Mhh~~ That was delicious~ This gave me an idea for my next show! The audience in the opera house would love your performance for sure! Maybe you will let me do this next time as our final act mhh?~", the magican grinned up at you from between your legs, gently helping you to lay down on the bed. Beeing so fucked out as you were right now you didn't even understand half of what he was saying, so just nodded. A chuckle left the magican. His cock throbbing in pain. "I'm sorry ma cherie, but I'm afraid I can't hold back anymore. May I show you a part of the real lyney or would it be to soon? You might.. not like this side of me..", the magican still was nervous. Hearing his voice drop into a bit of sadness, made you snap out of your lust-space. You took his hand in yours and kissed it gently, "You can go rough with me you know? I'm not made out of glas! I won't shatter easily! Besides.. i trust you lyney! No matter which you, I trust you!", you smiled, voice slightly cracking here and there.

With that the cheerfull glow in lyneys eyes was gone. The magical, charming self disappeared. As you looked up and looked into his eyes you got shocked for a second. This was new. His eyes seemed much more intimidating, much colder but not in a bad way. Just more serious. This lyney stared at you like you were his prey. A target he had layed his eyes on for a while. It felt like he could read your mind, see through your soul.

"Thank you y/n! For putting faith into my hands. Did I ever tell you how much I wanted you too see this side of me. But I was a coward. Like always, playing my games, hiding behind a mask. I really hope you'll still love me like this. I know I love you so much I can't put it into words!", lyney said, caressing with one hand through hair before leaning over you to kiss you on the lips. It was a deep kiss. You just smiled at him before returing the kiss. In your eyes there wasn't much difference. He still was your lyney! The one you loved!

"Spread your legs for me! I can't wait any longer. Let me stuff you full of my love! Let me make you mine!~", he whispered against your ear, caressing over your thighs. Kneeling above you he helped you spreading your legs, giving him the most beautiful view he so adored. "P-Please lyney! I wanna be yours~", you blushed at his confession and whined for his touch. For his love.

The bed made a 'thumb' noice as it was pushed forward against the wall. Lyney thrusted his whole cock into you in one go. Making you gasp loudly, clawing into his back. "You take me so well! You can be as loud as you like, let the others hear that I finally made you mine. Let the others know that I stole your heart. I want to hear you scream my name!", the magican said in between hard thrusts. Your mouth stood open, the pleasure was to much. You felt so full, walls strechted around his big cock. Threwing your head back with every thrust, biting your lip. Embarrassed that someone would hear you.

"Are you disobeying me? I told you-", lyney's voice got darker, grabbing your chin to have you look at him. "SCREAM-MY-NAME!", the fatui member said, thrusting hard into you with every word. Hitting your cervix over and over again. "Could it be that you have lost your voice? Huh.. what a pathetic whore! Here I thought so highly of you, wanting to make you my apprentice but actually with that dumb look on your face, making you my plaything sounds like a better use for you!", the fatui member whispered in your ear, biting into it. His thrusts geting deeper. "Still not screaming? Mhh.. I guess you leave me no other choice but to punish you..", lyney said as he leaned himself up. Snipping his fingers he suddenly held two clips in his hands. "Hold still otherwise it will hurt you!", he warned, thrusting deep into before staying still inside you. Putting one clip on your nipple, while he put the other on your clit. "There you go! Am I not nice my love? This will help you cum more quickly!", the fatui members smirked, pulling on the clip, making you whimper and moan.

Tears were running down your face. Your whole body felt so turned on. You felt so good. It was a bit painful but a few seconds later you wanted to cum so badly. This lyney was so mean but you loved it. It was so attractive and hot to you. As lyney picked up his fast, deep thrusts again you lost all sanity. Not caring about your noices anymore. Fuck it if someone heard you!

Lyney fucked you hard and fast, pulling on your clips, switching in between them. You screamed his name, cumming over and over again. Voice horse from all the screaming. "What a good whore you are for me! Finally obeying your master. I'm gonna cum soon! Gonna fill your slutty hole up with my seed!", the fatui members groweld, grabbing your thighs to push them up against your chest. Making sure his load would go deep inside of your womb.

You could only lay there and moan, whimper, scream and cum again and again. You were such a lovely mess for this member of the house of the hearth. Such a whore for this fatui member. So in love with the great magican. So obsessed with lyney. "P-please fill me up!! Want to you be yours!!", you moaned, whined. Not even sure if he was able to understand you in between the skin clapping and his own loud moans and whimpers.

"C-Cumming!!", lyney growled, thrusting deep into your cunt, all the way inside and stayed still. Warm liquide filled your cunt, your womb. You threw your head back, moaning. Lyney's cock twitched for a while, more of his seed coming out. Lyney pulled out after catching his breath, admiring his work. You looked so fucked out, so far gone. And he loved it. Within seconds his cock grew hard again.

"I'm not done yet!", he said, grabbing your arm and turning you around, to lay on your stomatch. The clips pressing into your sensetive spots. Making you hiss through your lips. "You are so attractiv love~ Your ass looks so fuckable. But for our first time this would be a bit to much right? So just let me fuck you from behind yes?", lyney chuckled, giving your ass a gentle clap. Pushing a pillow under your thighs.

His comment made you blush. A whine escaped you, a bit sad you wouldn't be able to do that today. But that was quickly forgotten as he pressed his cock, which was already hard again, into your cunt. Kneeling over you, behind you the fatui member watched as his cock disappeared in your needy hole. His hands, gloves still on, grabbing your ass. Massaging it, before thrusting all the way into you. Gently he spread your ass cheeks apart, revealling your other hole to his curious eyes. Shortly he was thinking off making you completly his today. Touching every part of you. But no, he had to be patient! He shouldn't overwhelm you! But.. that doesn't mean he couldn't use a bit of magic to please his curiosity!

"My my love, you don't get enough of me do you? Wanting me so much, even your other unused hole is clenching around nothing. You really want to be my plaything huh? Then let me gave you a taste what it's like. I wonder how much you can handle and how long you would last~", lyney whispered, teasingly smacking your ass. Before holding his hand infront of your face. "Remove my glove for me will you?", he asked. After you did what he asked of you he placed the glove under the pillow by your head. A snip of his finger. The light flickered before it turned of completly.

You got scared, about to ask what just happened. The next moment the light on the bedside table turned on gain. "Now check for me under the pillow infront of you will you?", lyney said with a smirk. So you did, removing the pillow with shaky hands. Revealling a vibrator in the same size as his dick. Your eyes widened, how did he do that??

"Ahh perfect! Let me take this~", lyney said, leaning over you to grab the toy. In the meantime pushing his cock deeper in you, grinding into you sweetspot, teasing you. Slowly grabing the toy as an excuse to mess with your insides. Slowly grinding his hips, circeling them a bit. Making you whimper and moan. Hands grabing the bed sheets.

"L-Lyney.. p-please", you whined, with teary eyes. This made the fatui member chuckle, "wrong title", he said, continueing to tease you. You moaned and throw your head back. Realising what he wanted. You blushed heavily. God damn.. this man.. he drives you insane! "M-Master please~", you asked, whimpered. "What a good whore you are! Your master shall continue the show now!", lyney said, leaning back as he sat up. Taking one finger and gently pushing it in your ass. "Your so tight. Tell me love, are you a virgin here? No harm done if not, just curious~", the fatui member asked, biting his lip at the thought. You moaned, hiding your face in the bed. "W-Why do you have to ask such an embarrassing ques-", you whined but got cut off by your own moan. Lyney pushed in a second finger already. Moving them a bit in and out. Not long till he added a third finger.

In

Out

In

Out

Then a laugh left him. Taking his fingers out of your ass. Grabing the vibrator instead, turning it on. You were embarrassed and confused so you wanted to ask what was so funny. Yet again this question got stuck in your throat. Lyney pushed the moving vibrator into your ass in one go. Thrusting it in as far as possible. A loud scream left you, making your cunt clench around his cock. Your mouth standing open in silent moans.

"What a dirty girl~ Already used everywhere!But don't worry, I'll be the last one to use all of your holes. After all you are mine now!~", the fatui member growledy thrusting his cock deep into you. Continueing his pace from before. Your screams, the wet sounds of your holes and the bed slamming up against the wall turned him on even more. "Even if you would try to fuck someone else.. I'll be the only one that comes into your mind! You will always beg for my cock, for my love, because no one can please you as much as I can!", lyney growled, sweat forming on his forhead. His cock twichted at the thought of you begging him to fuck you over and over again. It drove him wild.

You screamed so loud as you came that the whole fontain nation had heard you. Waking up celestia with your crys of pleasure. Not beeing able to think at all anymore, you were so gone. About to pass out actually. Lyney let out a whine, "I'm about to cum! Fill you up again! I'll make you mine! Then you will stay with me forever! With us forever! Take all of me so you will always be on my side ma cherie!~", lyney moaned, mumbled, while leaving hickeys all over your back.

A loud smack was heard, his hips pressing all the way into your ass, pushing the vibrator deeper into you while pressing your back into the matress. His hot cum filling you up. Your head was spinning, not even knowing what he all said in the end. For sure nothing important just how good he felt.

"Je t'aime~", lyney whispered as he kissed your neck gently. Pulling out of you. Taking the vibrator out, turning it off and removing the clips. Laying it down on his table next to the bed. The sparkle of magic and charm slowly returned to his eyes. The magican carefully turned you around, laying down next to you, so he could lay you on his chest. "I'm sorry love, did I hurt you? Do you need something?", lyney asked, voice calming and soft. You tried your best to stay awake and respond. "W-Water", you whispered, voice almost gone.

(Nsfw end! Aftercare here~ )

Lyney gave you a kiss to your forhead before geting dressed in his boxers and his shirt, "Alright love, please wait, I'll be back with water and something to clean you up", with that the magican left the room. Geting the said things for you.

As you were laying there, a complete mess, you realised just how bad this actually was. You are in love, totally obsessed and a total mess for this boy. Damn it all.. how would you explain lumine all of this? The marks all over your body were so obvious. It wasn't the first time this happened.. and it's not like she was a saint either. Buut.. this time it felt more difficult. Probably because lyney is part of the fatui! Aghh.. doesn't matter lumine is your best friend, she will understand! You smiled in thought, lumine always understood you so there wasn't anything to worry about.

A minute later lyney came back into the room with some water and a wet towel. "Ma cherie, are you still awake? I'm back, here is your water", you nodded, slowly sitting up. Taking the glas and quickly drinking all of it empty. That felt good! "Thank you", you smiled and leaned up to give lyney a kiss on the lips. "Let me help you clean up?", lyney asked. You only nodded. Letting him do the work.

After you were done the magican cuddled back to you in bed. Laying you on his chest, caressing through your hair. Before he knew it you were already fast asleep.

"Love?", he asked, not geting answer, he let his mask fall once again. A serious look appeared on his face as he looked out of the window, at the bright shining fullmoon. With one hand still caressing through your hair.

"I love you so much y/n, you don't understand. I never felt this way before for anyone! No one was more important to me than my sister. But since you appeared in my live you share that spot with lynette! I just want to protect you and keep you close. You are different from the traveler! You don't deserve to get involved into all of this bloody mess which is about to happen!", lyney whispered to himself, looking down at you. His eyes glowing brightly, only seeing you. He pulled out a card from under your hair. A fatui card.

As he flipped it in between his fingers, a frown rested on his lips, "Our identity's got revealed and it messed up our plan.. yet with father on the frontline's it should only be a minor issue! There will still be enough time to win the traveler's trust again.. after all we need her as a final failsave in our plan..", a dark aura surrounded the magican, eyes cold, emotionless. His face a frown. Before he felt you cuddling closer to him. Did you feel his mood swing? Could you hear him? No you couldn't. You were knocked out cold, just like he had planned. A small smile formed on his lips, "Sorry love, I shouldn't think about such dark things when I'm around you. After all you deserve to hear and see only good things", lyney smiled down at you, his smile growing warmer, emotion coming back into his eyes.

"Lucky father likes you, so you can stay with us! Don't worry my love, father made already all the plans for you to be save. Welcome to the house of hearth~", your boyfriend whispered, throwing the fatui card in the air. Shortly after the card turned into flower pattels, falling down on the ground next to him. As he leaned down to kiss your lips, he snapped his fingers one last time before also laying himself to sleep. The door of his room got locked. The curtain falling close over the windows. Leaving the room in the dark. Lyney took of his shirt and cuddled closer to you, holding close while singing his favorite song to you,

" … I'm sorry that I did this

The blood is on my hands

I stare at my reflection

I don't know who I am

Practice my confession

In case I take the stand

I'll say I learned my lesson

I'll be a better man

… I'm packing up my things

And I'm wiping down the walls

I'm rinsing off my clothes

And I'm walking through the halls

I did it all for her

So I felt nothing at all

I don't know what she'll say

So I'll ask her when she calls. ",

mumbling the last words, the magican also fell asleep.

~ ❤️ ~ Bonus ending ~ ❤️ ~

"Let's go try meeting the hydro archon again lumine!", paimon said to the traveler as they walked towards the opera house. Continueing their search for information. Wanting to find lumine's brother as soon as possible.

"Uhh.. where is y/n when you need her?", paimon sighed looking creeped out at the fontain. Lumine seemed to have heard voices again. What a creepy situation. "With y/n here, paimon feels much more save! Uhh.. not to say paimon doesn't feel save with you! It's just.. nevermind forget what paimon said hehe!", the floating friend akwardly laughed.

"Lumine.. aren't you worried about y/n at all? We both know the fatui can't be trusted..", paimon asks, looking worried at the traveler. "Don't worry paimon! She is for sure with lyney & lynette. Besides this is y/n we're talking about. She can handle it~", lumine smiled, holding a huge amount of trust and respect for you in her words. "Yeah.. you probably right! Paimon just hopes nothing bad happens to her..", your floating companien said. Lumine nodded and sighed, "I'll talk to her again tomorrow and warn her. Better save than sorry!", she said with a bit of worry in her voice. Something wasn't right. Lumine knew that. She could feel it in the air.

Suddenly all the lights around the two turned off. Paimon got scared and hides behind lumine. While the traveler pulled out her sword, ready to fight.

Clack. Clack. Clack...

Footsteps on the floor could be hard loud and clear. Then someone was clapping as the person walked out of darkness. Fatui jacket shining in the moonlight. A small smile met the traveler eyes.

"Perfect! The rumors do you justice, dear traveler. I didn't expect any less. What a wonderfull performance you put on!", a female voice spoke, sounding dangerous but also so charming. Lumine held her breath. That was..

"THE KNAVE?? What are you doing here? Traveler watch out! She is the 4th ranked fatui habringer!", paimon yelled, still hiding behind the traveler. "Oh did my sudden appearance suprise you this much? But wasn't it a forseen event that we would eventually run into each other? Well.. calm down! I'm not here to fight you or to get the gnosis! Not yet.. at least~", arlecchino spoke with a small smile on her face, raising both her arms in the fatui position before crossing them infront of her chest, "I'm simply here to breath a peace of advice to you~", she said. "Why should we listen to you?!", paimon asked, clearly upset. "Oh, you will listen to me. I made sure of this. After all you want to see your friend again right? Y/n? Was it?", arlecchino smirked, playing with her nails while waiting for an answer.

A gasp left paimon. Lumine put her sword away, putting both her hand on her hips while making an effort to listen, "Go ahead fatui! I'm listening!", she said, voice angry, upset, scared. Scared of losing another important person. "That's a wise move traveler! Your friend is save with us. Now for my adive-", the knave started but got cut off by paimon, "What did you do to y/n?!". Lumine looked clearly angry. Waiting for answer.

"Why? Nothing of course! Actually I took quiet the liking to her. She seemed like a very good 'friend', you may call it that. So no harm shall ever come to her!", arlecchino answered with a soft smile. "What are you planning knave?!", lumine asked, glaring at the women infront of her. Making the fatui habringer laugh, "Haha~ Aren't you cute?~ Mhh.. telling you much would ruin the plan. So let's say I'll borrow your friend for a while. Of course.. she can stay forever if that's what she wants! Your friend is very important to us! To the house of the hearth!", arlecchino answered, walking with every word closer to the traveler. Holding in her steps as she stood right infront of the traveler's face. Smiling down at her.

"You won't use her for your plan! I'll save her!", lumine yelled, pulling out her sword, pointing it against the knave's throat, "You best not provocate me knave!", the traveler whispered dangerously, her eyes glowing. Paimon floated a bit away, giving lumine the space to fight. Yet the knave grabbed the tip of the sharp sword in between her fingers and pressed it in her skin, drawing blood of her neck. Lumine let out a gasp, not expecting that, dropping her sword on the ground. A chuckle left arlecchino, grabbing the traveler's wrist pulling her closer, in the knave's arms. "You might not understand dear traveler. In our house everyone is family! Y/n belongs to that family. I see her as my daughter I'm very proud of. She can bring out lyney's true potenial! And that is very important to me, these kids need to survive for a better future! Even if I don't.. lyney will need to awake his true potential! So I support their lovely realtionship all the way. But.. do you dear traveler?", arlecchino whispered in the traveler's ear.

For a short while lumine was so hypnotisted by her voice that she completly forgot about everything. This women is dangerous! Lumine needed to warn you as soon as possible. This whole aura.. the knave's action. The charming voice. All of it.. it reminded the traveler on lyney. Damn it.. why didn't she realized it sooner?

'The knave' was never arlecchino! Arlecchino is the fatui habringers yes. But 'the knave' is a title made for someone else. Lyney was always the knave!! Lyney was arlecchino's shadow!! Her succesor!

~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~

( Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!~ ♡ )

[princeblue]

Sometimes I think about how the fandom has this perception of Giyuu as someone who is mercilessly bullied by the Hashira and can’t defend himself when that is literally not true, like. Giyuu continuously digs a hole for himself when he is around them, he uses these words like “im not like you guys” after he decides he’s going to walk out of the Hashira meeting because he thinks he can’t unlock the demon slayer mark.

And who wouldn’t look at Giyuu, a stoic man who hardly interacts with the other Hashira and uses words in a monotone voice saying he’s different from everyone else and not think “this guy thinks he’s above us” which is literally what Sanemi thinks when he sees Giyuu and Giyuu’s behavior.

Sanemi grew up a poor child in a poor town with people who did look down on him for his very existence, why would he not challenge and provoke someone who, in sanemi’s eyes, is saying he’s better/different than everyone else without no real proof?

And again, Giyuu is given two opportunities to explain himself, to actually say what he thinks about himself and his status of a Hashira. But he does not, and when he’s given the second opportunity (sanemi asking him “what do you mean by that”) he instead brushes off his fellow Hashira and continues to walk away, once again affirming this ideal of a person who thinks himself higher above the others.

At most the majority of the Hashira think of Giyuu with either curiosity or nothing at all, Sanemi and Obanai are the only ones who really don’t like him and voice their opinions on him which is always with contempt and Shinobu is the only one who is generally kind to him because she wants to be, and even then she has her moments of frustration and cruelty (“nobody likes you” in the mountains) which is what I assume is from how Giyuu holds himself and possibly her having the same ideal as Sanemi/Obanai but because of the persona she’s garnered for herself she’s not outright cruel and merely more passive aggressive but again, also curious. Which is where their friendship is sparked.

And this isn’t to say that Giyuu should spill his hearts and guts out to the Hashira, he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. Depression affects people in many ways and there’s no denying he’s someone with an extreme amount of self hatred and depression, but he’s also a Hashira who held his own against an Akaza who was legitimately trying to harm him and unlocked his demon slayer mark, he is capable of defending himself, he is capable of saying “shut the fuck up.” When someone says something about him that is meant to harm his feelings, he’s not some uwu precious bean and if Giyuu had expanded what he meant, “im not like you guys, im weaker.” The Hashira; specifically Obanai and Sanemi, would have regarded him differently and might not have been as cruel.

All in all, it’s very justifiable that Obanai and Sanemi held contempt for him, again Giyuu only continued to make himself look worse in their eyes, but he’s not mercilessly bullied by everyone he comes into contact with, because while we’re at it he’s also a snarky asshole (“why don’t you go train more” when he ties up Inosuke, calling sanemi a simpleton when he says he can’t wait to unlock the demon slayer mark, calling Tanjirou weak/stupid when he’s a traumatized child who just saw his entire family dead and now this strange man is trying to kill his sister)

And it really really fucking bothers me when people hate on Sanemi and Obanai for this, Obanai is a little bit more harder to dive into for me personally, but I feel like his dislike is garnered by being a supposed special person above others and it only brought him pain and death. To him there’s nothing special about being special so why would he like someone who “claims” they are?

Again this isn’t to say that Giyuu owes everyone an explanation, but he’s not owed any kindness or comradeship when he appears as someone who is indifferent or views themselves as simply being higher than others.

[dimonds456]

Okay, I'm done being subtle about this.

I keep mentioning in my tags and in a post recently that World War II was allowed to happen because Hitler started conquering Germany's neighbors.

The world didn't interfere at the time due to 1) not wanting to start another war so soon after WWI, and 2) The Great Depression was nearing its end, but still happening.

Hitler's excuse at the time was to "reunite Germany" since part of the treaty of WWI was taking all of Germany's military away and splitting the country. They brought it to its knees as much as possible. So when Germany started taking that back, when they started rebuilding their army, it was illegal to do so because of the treaty, but no one stopped them.

Things only escalated to a full-on war when Hitler invaded Poland, after being threatened not to do so by several other countries. He did it anyway.

This is what we are currently seeing in Palestine right now.

What Israel is doing is, by international law, illegal. The people who have the power to stop them are not doing so. Israel is operating under an excuse ("self-defense," and religious zionists support them because they are "taking back the Holy land and fulfilling God's promise" or whatever), and Israel is now attacking Lebanon and Yemen.

They're just going to keep going.

I've been hesitant to call Israel a Nazi state due to the sheer amount of baggage that comes with that, but there is no denying it at this point. They're neo-nazi fascists who are following in their own oppressors footsteps, spreading hatred and violence to other parts of the world while no one in power stops them. Hell, even worse, this time around, the people in power are fucking funding it.

If you think this "war" won't affect you, think again.

If you ask me, looking back on history, if we don't put a stop to this in its tracks soon, then I fear this is only the beginning.

Know your history. Stand with Palestine. Ceasefire NOW.

[j3110-cup]

SCOTT PILGRIM SELF INSERT!! (AGAIN)

this is a redesign/redraw/rehaul of my old SP self insert from almost a year ago now! :3 hopefully some people will (still) be interested in them,, .. LOOK BELOW FOR MORE INFO ON THEM!! | \/ things to know about Charlie Cobweb: they/he/she/any pronouns, they have complicated feelings about gender still. - personally wise; VERY awkward, accidently blunt, impatient, kinda edgy, tone deaf, emotional, misunderstood often, depressed, gets heated easily, sassy, sarcastic, cant take most things seriously. - in a band called Atomic Robot Army as the guitarist. With Max ((friends oc/insert)) as the bassist, and Scout/Jeremy as the drummer. ((yeah, we put the guy from TF2 into SP..)) - also roommates with Max and Jeremy. - Max, Jeremy, and Charlie are all from America, and lived in the same area, yet went to Canada to try and 'tour around the world' as a band, but they ended up giving up and just staying in Canada in an apartment together. - the Atomic Robot Army band was started when Max, Jeremy, and Charlie were in highschool together, and Charlie suggested they start a band randomly, so they decided why not. Max came up with the band name. - very into Sci-fi and tech, coding useless things is a pastime of his. - if you want a movie, album, or show pirated, then shes your guy. just ask for it and she'll have it on a DVD or CD for you somehow, dont question his ways. - keen music lover, you name it they've listened to it. not a single genre that they HAVENT heard. (unless you're an even bigger music lover, then thats impressive.) - they also enjoy keeping simple little plants a lot, only indoor though. You'll have to threaten him if you want him to go outside and do yardwork of all things. - uses their electric guitar to fight (patches up their guitar and apologizes to it as if it was a person after.) - possibly romantically attracted to his guitar, she wont confirm this nor deny it. - he paints his nails often, he thinks its pretty fun wearing a different color very few days, though it gets chipped easily. - one sided hatred towards Scott Pilgrim, dont let Charlie near him or they will JUMP at him. - friends with Matthew Patel (also has a crush on him), Roxie Richter, Julie Powers, Stephen Stills, and Other Scott. - has electric powers. Purely emotion driven though, if she feels any emotion intensely then her powers start acting up, this makes them very hard to control sometimes. - he does weed but a pretty limited amount, mostly uses it if they're stressed or it just feels like a good time. They've also offered weed to Stephen a few times.

(GO CHECK OUT MY BEST FRIENDS BLOG AS WELL, THEY ALSO HAVE AN AWESOME SP SELF INSERT!! @atomic-star-fighter)

so, I'm back on my grind. I really apologize for kinda just leaving for awhile, depression hits hard sadly!! BUT I'm doing very good and I'm excited to be active again!!

[writeforfandoms]

Wicked Game

Find my Gaz masterlist

You're having a hard day already, and lack of communication doesn't help anything. Turns out you're not the only one having a bad day.

Be mindful reading this one, it's a bit heavy. Take care of yourselves.

Warnings: Depression, anxiety, insecurity, established relationship, feelings-heavy, angst with a hopeful ending.

Word count: 1k

Your fingers tapped against the counter as you looked at your phone again, a quick glance this time. It lay still and silent, as it had most of the day. Oh, sure, you'd had some messages from a friend, a check in from a coworker, the usual emails. 

But nothing at all from Kyle.

You understood that things happened, and the two of you had an understanding. He did his best to tell you before he had to leave his phone behind, and you did your best to wait and understand. It had taken time to get here - one teary phone call, an argument after he got home once, more very quiet tears, and a long talk. 

It wasn't always easy, but you'd sooner leave than ask him to give up any part of his life.

That didn't always keep the anxiety at bay, though. Didn't always quell the downward spiral of your thoughts, from worry about him to worry about the two of you. Had your shine finally worn off? Had he finally realized he was better off without you? 

You breathed in deep, forcing your gaze back to the bowl of bread dough in front of you. No. None of that was true. He'd said he loved you just yesterday. Feelings didn't change that fast. His wouldn't change that fast. Kyle was a good man, an honest man. He wasn't perfect, but he didn't lie to you. 

He wouldn't lie about this. About the two of you. 

Gritting your teeth, you shook your head. Okay. This was bad. You knew it was bad. Normally you could distract yourself, stop yourself from spiraling. That it was this hard meant you needed to do something more. 

One hand snatched up your phone, uncaring of the sticky little bits of dough still clinging to your fingers. It took only a few taps for loud, angry music to blare from your phone. 

Better.

Putting your phone back down, you refocused on the bread dough. It still had to sit and rise for an hour, then shape, then second rise, then bake. Plenty of time for you to prep the rest of the ingredients for dinner. 

Too many ingredients for dinner for one. 

You stopped short and closed your eyes, breathing deeply. The urge to bang your head against the counter didn't help, and you didn't act on it. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me today,” you grumbled, not even phrasing it as a question, the words half-lost under guitar. “He's fine. Nothing is wrong. He'd say otherwise.” You breathed in deep again, holding it until your lungs burned, and then letting it out slowly. The thump of your heart against your ribs was not comforting, but it was there, so you focused on that. 

Clearly you needed more of a life if you were this upset. 

Or maybe it was just a bad day. Maybe your depression was flaring up again. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

The kitchen, normally comforting, was too small. Too enclosed. 

Everything would keep. No appliances were on. 

You slammed out the front door less than a minute later, keys in hand, jacket pulled on haphazardly. You just needed to go on a little walk. Some fresh air and movement would help clear your head, help you feel better. 

You'd just go for a little walk, no more than half an hour. Just long enough to really stretch your legs. 

It wasn't until some unknown amount of time later when you went to check the time that you realized you'd left your phone behind. 

Well. It wasn't like it mattered, anyway. 

You let yourself back in, moving slower now. Everything had drained from you the last five minutes of the walk home. No more anxiety, no more self-hatred, no more energy. Your plans for dinner felt like too much now, impossible to achieve. You didn't even want to look at the bread dough. 

In fact, you would have gone straight to your room to lay down. 

If you hadn't heard your phone buzzing against the counter, the repeated pattern of a phone call. 

You almost didn't go check, convinced it would be nothing. Just another thing to ignore today. 

But your feet turned to the kitchen instead of your room. 

Your phone vibrated one last time and then stopped. You'd missed the call. 

It probably wasn't important, anyway. 

But your phone vibrated again. A text this time. Despite the disinterest trying to crowd out everything but the thought of bed, you picked up your phone to check. 

A text from Kyle, asking you to call him back. Two missed calls from him, ten minutes apart. 

Your heart raced, even as you hurried to call him back. A thousand half-formed thoughts spilled through your head, everything from delight that he'd called to dread that he had some terrible news. 

“There you are,” he breathed as he answered. “Fuck, sweetheart, I was worried.” 

“I went out for a walk, forgot my phone,” you said, absently making your way to your bed to sit. “What's going on?” 

He breathed out slowly, just audible through the slightly staticky line. “Bad day,” he admitted. “Just wanted to hear your voice.” 

You warmed, at least as much as you could through the gray of your own depressive episode. “Yeah,” you murmured. “Been a not great day here, too.” 

“You alright?” You could hear him straightening up, tired but ready to put it aside. 

“I'm okay,” you answered, slumping back onto your bed, your feet still on the floor even as you laid back. “Tell me about your day.” 

“Was nothing special,” he said slowly, a note of hesitation in his voice. 

“Doesn't matter,” you replied. “I want to know what you got up to today. I can't be there with you, I can't make you food. But I can listen.” 

His breath hitched, and he cleared his throat. You knew he edited some things, because there were things he couldn't tell you, or things he didn't want to burden you with. But it didn't matter. You listened. You knew some of what he wasn't saying. 

It was the same thing in your heart, after all. 

I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish we could be together right now. I want to see you.

Things weren't okay by the time the two of you got off the phone. But they were better. You liked to think you'd helped. 

And you knew you'd both meant the words at the end of the call. 

I'll see you soon. I love you. 

[eroguron0nsense]

Portgas D. Ace Rant #21223

Sometimes I just think about how profoundly neglected child Ace was and how little the adults in charge of raising him –namely Garp and Dadan– were capable of understanding his emotional needs or the severe guilt and self hatred they'd basically allowed him to wallow in. Ignoring the child neglect played for comic effect, none of them have anything to contribute when Ace is visibly distressed by the constant reminders that Roger is hated by all, that his father was allegedly a monster, and to a certain extent we can guess that Garp probably played a role in fostering it. Even his attempts to actually support Ace (specifically the "You'll see as you live" line) don't really address the fundamental issue of suicidal depression and issues of self worth, and probably kind of inadvertently made it harder for this suicidal 10 year old to rationalize the very basic notion that he deserves/ that anyone wants him to be alive. Even his friendship with Sabo, which provides him with at least some of the companionship he's been deprived of, isn't anywhere near enough to address that kind of fundamental depression and neglect, and the only thing he knows how to do in response is to take out his frustration on an even smaller, younger, neglected child.

(It's also highly likely that he's aware, on some level or another, of the atrocities committed during the military's search for him, and he's definitely aware that Rouge forfeited her life for him, so this notion that his existence is cursed is reinforced by severe survivor's guilt)

It says a lot that the first person to provide Ace with any amount of the affirmation he desperately needs is Luffy, who out of all the people around Ace should by right be the least equipped to emotionally support him, just by saying that he wants to be around Ace and he's glad that Ace exists.

[lt-sparrow]

ok hold on per my last post i will now explain;

WHY THOMAS BARROW FULLY DESERVED HIS REDEMPTION ARC AND MORE:

i’ll start off with the not-so-obvious: thomas offhandedly remarks to ms. baxter that his father was never kind to him. his tone and eagerness to avoid the subject imply to me that he was abused, or at the very least, has a bad relationship with his family. that could give us some insight into why he is so horrid to others during the series (it’s not an excuse by any means, but it is a reason) [also this is kinda a stretch but i’ll say it anyway: he has, in my opinion, a scouse accent, which would mean he’s from manchester or liverpool, somewhere in the west of england. that is also where rjc is from, but i feel like if thomas were from yorkshire, rjc would have put on a yorkshire accent. given the show’s timeline, previous casting errors, and wiki, thomas probably would’ve been about 15-16 when he started at downton, so that suggests to me that he left his home at a young age to travel across the country for work. his father was a clockmaker, so shouldn’t he have had a relatively secure position at his fathers shop? this is, unless his father kicked him out….sorry that’s practically incomprehensible 💀]

he had an affair with the duke of crowborough, which, to me, felt very manipulative, more so from the duke—> thomas in my opinion. it also kinda struck me as though that was thomas’ first serious relationship. he’s clearly never really been loved before, or had affection directed towards him, obviously from his response to baxter’s later treatment of him

he clearly has a substantial amount of self hatred for both his general personality and his sexuality. most, if not all of his behavior can be classified as self destructive and sabotaging, so i believe that is the reason behind much of his ‘villainous’ behavior

as well as that, most (if not all) of his schemes were due to o’briens instruction, and i wouldn’t put it past her to be blackmailing him into doing some of the things

finally, he’s clearly mentally ill. as someone with diagnosed depression, anxiety and ocd, he fits the bill (to me) of depression and anxiety perfectly. many of his actions were probably driven by an unnecessary panic and fear that he felt due to anxiety. His self destructive tendencies can be attributed to depression (end of season six??? hello?? someone help him)

that’s all i just really love my little guy and i want everyone else to understand why. i see myself in him a lot (which is kinda pathetic). I just think he deserves a happy ending with a hot, loving boyfriend (*cough* Richard Ellis *cough*) and to own a cute little tailors shop or a clock shop or something.

[productofaritual]

HELLO I AM SORRY TO COME SLITHER INTO UR ASKS LIKE THIS BUT I SAW U LIKE AD ASTRA (YK THE SCI FI BOOK) AND I HAVE BEEN GOING FERAL OVER IT SO PLEASE DO TALK ABT UR FAV THEMES IN IT

(if u like ofc no pressure <3)

Never apologize for asking me about AdAstra or event horizon in general. I will go feral about it all day every day any day of the week month or year I have playlists I have theories I have spinoff ideas I HAVE EVERYTHING YOU CAN HAVE WITHOUT BEING INVOLVED WITH THE CREATION OF SOMETHING OKAY

Favorite themes I mean you do spend a lot of time with Ranboo and his concerning amounts of generational trauma and depression however I am a very biased Tubbo content enjoyer so just all of Tubbo's themes from the self hatred to the guilt to the trauma and everything in between

But my all time favorite is probably the way that Ranboo sees Tubbo throughout De Terra, even though originally I didn't even notice and it was my friend who pointed it out.

Because it takes chapter 3 for Ranboo to ever even acknowledge that Tubbo can act like an ass, but even after that and ESPECIALLY in chapters 1 and 2 he just holds Tubbo on this imaginary pedestal where Tubbo can basically do no wrong like he's fucking Beatrice from Dante's Divine Comedy (I've come to really like that comparison actually). An it's so interesting for me to think about WHY Ranboo thinks like that

From Tubbo's pov, especially because we see it first, we know he's a fuck up. That he tries his best, but he's not perfect, because nobody is, duh. But Ranboo thinks he is, despite having firsthand experience of the opposite (Tubbo screaming at him after finding the Irillian codex). He is basically incapable of constructive criticism towards Tubbo and again it takes chapter 3 of De Terra for him to even consider it.

And for the explanation I'm thinking of, which again I had no part in any of the creation of the fic so it's just me having fun by speculating and anything I say should be taken that way, I'm gonna keep the comparisons to the Divine Comedy because I can and I'm unhinged. Because Ranboo has basically gone through hell (Voidfall) and when he joins the Syndicate, he subconsciously expects to now go through heaven with Beatrice (Tubbo). Except that doesn't happen and he's still fucked up because duh that's how healing works. But he's scared because it's not getting better, which we see directly on screen. And yet he's still holding onto this idea of normalcy and perfection and the person who embodies that for him is Tubbo, because he's the one who took Ranboo away from the traumatizing shitfest that was Voidfall. So Ranboo then tries to keep his own problems from Tubbo and either doesn't realize or doesn't think about the fact he can't fucking do that forever when they literally live and work together and yeah I could go on for so long -.-

[yourmidnightlover]

undeserving

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: your self destructive tendencies have won this round, leading to you making a pivotal decision to end your relationship with bucky.

warnings: intense depression and self hatred, low self esteem/self worth, ANGST LMAOOO, no happy ending :(

a/n: short and not so sweet. idk why i was wanting to write something so sad lol. on a brighter note... i'm currently working on the next chapter to timeless :)

you didn't deserve the love you were being shown.

your pulse racing, tears clouding your vision as the music drowned out all of your senses that remained. he enveloped you entirely, made you want to be better.

he deserved so much. so much more than what you could give him.

he had come back from literal hell on the other side, and the world, ever so cruel, gave him you. a sick sense of humor it's got, truly.

you're weighed down by the simple tasks of everyday life. getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, showering... everything is a battle.

there was an urge, an unbridling urge, to want to be everything he deserved and more. but something in your godforsaken brain wasn't clicking.

the chemical imbalance in your brain has ruined your path. now, it was muddy and cloudy and there was no clear answer of what to do or say or ask in order to fix it.

but when you see him, his strength, you simply feel pitiful. how could someone battle his inner demons everyday and win, conquering them as he has battles from his past, be with someone who let menial tasks ruin their day?

so, as he stood in his tux, awaiting your arrival so he could finally ask you to dance, you approached him with baited breath.

"may i have this dance, doll?" he held his hand out, an uncharacteristic smile gracing his lips, the one that only showed when you were near.

you couldn't trust your voice. instead, you placed your hand in his, relishing in the fire that sparked from his touch, savoring it as if it were the last time. because it was.

you rested your head on his chest, swaying to the music as your free hand grasped his shoulder, tethering yourself to the ground so you wouldn't float away like you desperately wanted.

maybe you should've bribed the dj, made him put this song on a loop. a promise of calm and serenity before you wrecked your entire world.

maybe it was your self destructive tendencies that made this decision.

maybe it was reality sinking in, that the an who was holding you like you were the most beautiful thing to exist should be holding someone who truly was beautiful... and unbroken.

as the song came to a close, you pulled back with tears in your eyes. you could see his face contorting as he tried to piece together why you were so distraught.

"'doll..." his hands grasped your waist tenderly, gently squeezing as if he, too, was trying to ensure that he wouldn't float away.

"i-i can't," you choked on a sob, not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the beautiful event. "i'll always love you, james," you let your hands hold his face one last time, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. "but i can't be with you anymore." your voice was cracking as the tears were streaming down your face, breaking down the stoic barrier you had tried to keep plastered up through the night.

you couldn't look in his eyes again. they would tell a story you were too afraid to hear. they would whisper that you were being a coward, too scared to not amount to the expectations you had set for yourself. they would whisper that you should listen to bucky when he told you how wonderful you are.

eventually, they would convince you to stay.

but staying would mean you were dragging him down with you. you refused to be that kind of burden to him.

later, when he retreated to his room, bucky would find a letter you had written him. one detailing the shortcomings you believed you had, how he deserved more and better than someone so tormented by their own mind.

how you were so undeserving of his love.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I love adamsapple, like it's probably my favorite ship. Which is saying a lot because I have so many- but we're not here to talk about my shame.

I'd love to see more fanfics or rps touch on how Lucifer leaving Adam behind in Eden and taking Lilith with him, and eventually Eve, would have affected Adam.

Like, that's fucked up! And even though we don't know when Lucifer got with Eve, but let's say it was when he offered her the apple.

You just know Adam was reeling after Lucifer and Lilith got together. I like to think that Adam and Lucifer were best friends, or at least, Adam had a crush on Lucifer. He was technically a baby, even though he was born an adult, I like to think he had a child-like mind. All innocent and curious. Just, new.

I couldn't imagine having limited conciseness, basically under the control of Heaven and putting your trust in someone who then just crushes that and you're heart. Adam was probably being emotionally manipulated, I could only imagine the type of shit the angels would tell me. Telling him how to act, how he needs to love Lilith and create more humans.

This part goes for both Lilith, Adam and Eve; how could Heaven expect basically adult-baby humans to raise new humans effectively?

Back to Adam. The amount of pressure he would have been under because he was the man, he was made to be the protector and provider. But how was he ment to do that when not even Heaven told him how?

Lilith wouldn't listen to him, he probably spoke many times about what Heaven was saying- and she more than likely dismissed him or took that as Adam trying as him trying to control her. Which, yeah sure, maybe. But he wasn't controlling in the way we see controlling behavior now.

He was scared. She wasn't listening, and Lucifer was no help because he's Lucifer.

I like to think Lucifer was the only person Adam actually formed a bond with. Their personalities just meshed so well. To have the only person that understands you start dismissing you, spending more time with your wife- without you and then abandons you because you don't think the same as them? Then seeing them under the forbidden tree, doing whatever they were doing (lets say they were fucking). And you just know Lilith said some Absolutely ruthless shit to Adam. Thats absolutely brutal. That would fuck anybody up, but being a few weeks/months old? With Heaving drilling constant fear into you? Realizing you failed at your one job? The only person you ever connected with leaving you for someone you were made for?

People always say Lilith was made for Adam, but Adam was made for Lilith. He lost that part of himself.

Then, to have a bone taken out of your body, which was probably non consensual. Then there's a new, random woman there? And then the fucking pressure from Heaven is 10× worse than before because you failed your wife?

I don't think he would have been able to form a bond with Eve because of how terrified he was. I've been in situations where I was shit scared of a certain person coming to my house, into my home, and i was constantly on edge, trying to see if that random person is actually them, or making sure no one is waiting for me to get home. Its just pure paranoia. He was constantly looking for Lucifer, trying to make sure he didn't get to Eve, because of how much he hurt Adam, he basically damned Adam in the eyes of Heaven.

He would have experienced new emotions, without having to bite the apple. In a way he could have been the first person to feel hate, anger, self hatred, paranoia, anxiety and depression. Imagine having no answers to how you're feeling? Even worse, it doesn't fucking matter because all you're good for is breeding and protection, both of which you've failed at.

THEN that fucker you've been paranoid about gets to your new partner. Seeing Eve under the same tree with Lucifer and Lilith- then realizing they didn't even try to convince you to eat the apple because you were a lost cause? You're on Heavens side? Which wasn't the case- Adam was petrified of them!

So he was bad for Heaven, and he was bad for the people who hurt him. So what was he good for? So far, nothing.

I'm sure he would have loved his kids, but I think he would have resented them in some way. They were all he was made for, nothing else, not to live, not to experience, not to grow.

I think Adam wouldn't have bitten the apple, not by choice anyway. Either he was terrified of being left along again, and he wanted what Lucifer, Lilith and Eve had, maybe then he'll understand them. Surprise, he didn't. He hated free will. There was somehow more pressure on him to make decisions that not only benefitted Eve but now also his kids.

And Lucifer was mad that Adam bit the apple for Eve. Why for her but not me? He was immature so of course Lucifer would be selfish about this and not see how much taking the apple destroyed Adam.

I love Adam and Lucifer as a couple, but I know it wouldn't be canon, as much as they would be such a sweet relationship, I know Lucifer has hurt Adam way too much. Who knows what went on in those meetings before Lilith left. But I bet they would have been complete assholes to Adam, especially Lucifer, Lilith would have been a fucking cutthroat. And as much as her words would hurt Adam, it would be seeing Lucifers hate for him that would tear him down and break his heart all over again. In. Each. And. Every. Meeting.

Lucifer maybe a victim in the sense that all he did was fall in love. But other than that, he's just reaching. He's not a victim. "Oh but Adam slaughtered my people!", you let him, you let an army into Hell, you signed the contract, you never cared for sinners, in fact you probably hated them. And for what? Following in your footsteps- basically going against all the Heaven stands for. "He tried to control Lilith!", did you see him? Or did you forget what Heaven and the Angels were like?

I feel like if Adam fell, it would so long for them to get back to being friends again, or to a place where they could stand to be in the same room as each other.

Adam deserves so much love, not from a partner made from him or for him, not from the angels. But just from someone that sees him as Adam, and not the first man. I know he's made that as his whole personality, but I think he hates being the first man. Time and time again he would have been introduced as the first man, not as Adam. Him being made was all that mattered. Everything on earth was glorified, no one knew the shit he went through in Eden. The angels wouldn't understand and there was no way in hell we was going to open up to a random winner for them to eventually leave him.

Adam is such a heartbreaking character that I think a lot of Hazbin fans just gloss over. He was portrayed as a one time villian- and not even a villian, he was just a pawn of Heaven.

He's such a funny character, but I'd love to see more of him, to see who Adam actually is. Not the dickmaster or the first man, but just Adam.

Lucifer and Adam would have such a funny friendship if they sorted shit out, I can fucking see it. Who cares about some weird rivalry Alastor and Lucifer have- I want to see some fucking banter between Adam and Lucifer. Them just being a menace, could you imagine the type of shit they'd get up to in Hell?

Adam finally being able to get to know himself for the first time ever, and getting to know this new Lucifer- who has now gone through heartbreak because of Lilith. Fuck. Give me two dad's, on the roof, sharing a beer having a good ol bitching session. And about anything!

That's my rant done, I could go on lo ger but I need to actually become a functioning adult.

Okay- bye!

HOLY SHIT!!

That was a lot but I completely agree with you on all of that Adam really got the shit end of the stick in the beginning.

No wonder he became an asshole, everyone he ever tried to get close to just hurt him over and over again.

And yes I would love for Adam to come back and him and Lucifer to sort out their shit and be friends again because how fucking cool would that be?