#depending on how i feel that day lol
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as a generally curious person, the one question that's always burning at the back of my mind is: how do my mutuals look?? so because tumblr is the Great Anonymous Basement of the internet and we're obviously not posting selfies, I'm asking you all (very very nicely) to reblog this and tell me what you look like in the tags!!
#i'll go first!#i have lightish blonde hair and blue eyes (aka typical white person)#my hair is incidentally the straightest thing about me (and very long. i'm thinking of chopping it off and getting a bob soon)#i wear glasses. everyone agrees my face looks weird without them#my sense of style fluctuates between 10 y/o boy from the 1930s and someone's secretary in the 1970s -- or any combination thereof#actually i think it's safe to say i look like either: a grandma. the grandpa she buys clothes for or the queer kid who raids their wardrobe#depending on how i feel that day lol#oh and you can recognise me by my flat cap. i don't leave the house without it#yup. i get Looks when i go outside lol#i also still have a forehead covered in pimples. have done since i was 12. still waiting for that to clear up (if it ever will sjkdf)
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CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.
[youtube with closed captions]
a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.
#spn#vid#spnamvarchive#so fun fact i started making this more than a year ago. got it 90% done. and then was like no this isn't working#i will come back to this later.#it turns out that i needed to make some videos about cas and angels (the love club + help i'm alive amvs)#in order to make this one. anyway this video is about french mistake robert singer voice season six#i really struggled with it because i could NOT find the thread until i realized that it needed to be literally godstiel pov#it's about love and desire and jealousy and hurt and omnidirectional rage <3#it's about the fact that cas is so utterly dependent on dean for his self-image - however dean sees him that's it#it's about having a moment of reflection about lashing out before you do it but doing it anyway#it's about taking cruelty and dishing it out#and crucially. it's about being pregnant#mpregpocalypse#fun fact: i made a post about working on three season six amvs all the way back in nov. 2022#and only now have they come to fruition (this one + love club + metric)#anyway. have you heard that cas is obsessed#the thing is i do kinda want to add some specific director's commentary here. like the first verse is about cas being like.#incredibly deeply emotionally vulnerable to dean. as in: his emotional state and self-image is totally dominated by what dean thinks of him#and if dean is mad at him. and then the second verse is about... dean upsetting him and him responding to that by Killing Everybody lol#like he has a moment of reflection ['certain regrettable things are now required of me' + killing rachel] where he's like i've 1) also done#bad things and 2) i feel bad about it so maybe i will regret Killing Everyone. but then he does it anyway due to everybody keeps turning#on him. i feel like the rest of the amv is self evident. i guess i should note that 'share a paradise' is about how both of them have#a nostalgic view of the early days of their relationship when it wasn't Like This lol. but everything else i think is self evident.#oh and the reason the other angels flash onscreen with their burned wings at the end is i'm EVOKING the image of cas' wings burning. even#though it doesn't happen. i'm evoking it
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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Ren: I could buy you a expensive ring, you know? To prove my undying endless love for you. It can have a diamond! The prettiest one in the world! With our birth stones too! We could get matching rings in fact! I'll have the stones custom cut to be shaped into hearts an--
Me: No need for diamonds. Just want a cheap colorful cool rock.
Ren: But...I--
Me: Also shiny, but nothing flashy.
Ren: ...
Me: Maybe tasty too...
Ren: ...
Me: ...
Ren: *buys two ring pops, one for himself and one for me*
#;raven's posts 💜#14dwy#14 days with you#every blue moon i'll share a thingy for y'all about them again. to share in the tags. as a treat lol#but will keep the actual fics on the other blog only for now until I feel ready again.#i feel like the /indefinite hiatus/ on that blog will last maybe two months top...depends...we'll see how things go.
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the thing abt the surgery is that yes I do get litle moments of being ecstatic it finally happened but also I just feel Normal now. like my base state for all my life up until last week was worry, horror, and panic when i'd occasionally remember the very unwanted thing my body was capable of, spiraling into what ifs on potential conflicts in my life and future... and now i just feel Not Stressed Out All the Time. Normal.
#talkys#and again that's still that i have not really ever been in active risk of anything happening LOL#god im so happy. im really considering the tattoo even though im not a tattoo person at all#ill see. it depends on how much my incisions/scars fade...but a small green line shouldn't be that bothersome to always be looking at...#ALSO tbf a tiny bit of the worry is still there... im gonna ask my doctor to detail everything about the photos he took of my insides#bc idk. what if they somehow grow back. what if he didn't remove all of em. ykwim. pair of noia#but that's also just due to regular health anxiety#actually you know what can i schedule a hysto. just to be super sure nothing can ever happen to me.#+ ALSO ALSO it didn't feel real every day leading up to it and it kind of still doesn't! like! who was that cheye! he wasn't scared at all!#no way i found a doctor to do it and my parents didnt fight me on it and my mom didnt scream and cry and cause a scene once there. YAY
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fiddauthor angst,,,,,, if u will,,,, or maybe portal ford angst,,,,,,, thank you :3
I FEEL SO BAD IM SO LATE ON ALL MY ASKS DJDHFITNOTBT
anyway here have ford right after he got blasted into the portal trying to hide from bills demon minions :)
(pleeeease click to see it property tumblr messes the quality up)
#I FEEL SO BAD I LIKE-#only sometimes make a full piece for an ask???#like idk it depends how motivated i'm feeling day to day#i'm sorry yall if one of you gets a fully rendered piece and someone else get sketch lol#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#art#portal ford#attempted art
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DAY 2 + 3 : Past reflections, regretful present, uncertain future
#yeah this is for eddtober#idk if I’ll do more days. I’m planning to but it depends on how I feel lol#anyways yes this is for both days. smiles#eddsworld#ew patryck#fanart#eddtober#my art
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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🤍🫂🌹
#this is a very very soft announcement bc it might change (as you know me smh 🙄)#as some might remember i said like 1-2 months ago that id see how i feel about tumblr after cmi11.5 and see whether i want#to stay or close that chapter of my life! and i've been thinking about it a lotttt these days and i keep going back and forth#but i think depending on how everyone likes Entertainer it might be my last fic on here 🤍#which again.. can change depending on my mood n motivation.. im also not saying this to get attention etc but to inform you where i stand :)#writing is just a looooot of effort and tumblr has been vvv quiet (i also think my blog has lost some relevance but that's okay!! things#move fast)#i have soooo many wips i love lol 😭 but im not sure if i have the energy to write 20-40k stuff when nobody's around anymore :(#but let's see how you like Entertainer bc im vvv excited for it!! 🥰 keep spreading love until then <3#love you guys sm 🤍#might delete since it's an unsure post.. just wanted those who see this or care to know 🫂
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I wanted to ask because I find you have really good takes on arknights ships most of the time so I’m genuinely curious what the deal with PlatiNearl is. I don’t remember them interacting much in the Kazimierz events and I assume the ship is popular because they were some of the only kazimierz operators from when Arknights started. You don’t have answer if you don’t want to of course, but I want to know what it is about the ship that you like if you wouldn’t mind explaining
Huh. I don't believe I've talked about ships that much, but I was originally baited by the Near Light 3D PV. They played up a sort of rivalry or climactic showdown between Ideal Knight and Knight-Assassin... only for them to never exchange a single word in any event. Needless to say, I was disappointed. Though it wouldn't be the first time. Also NLPT isn't really popular at all, at least in EN.
Regardless, it did get me thinking about the potential. Even if they don't say anything to each other directly, Platinum does have a voice line about Nearl, and her operator record has Nearl show up in her dream. Also Plat's whole deal is that she's assigned by the Armorless Union to keep an eye on Nearl.
On the surface it's knight and knight-killer, positions that are fundamentally opposed and can never truly meet on the horizon as the KGCC has a hold on both. One is stuck in darkness, the other in light. Nearl (at first) wears mostly black, Platinum is all white. Nearl is pretty old-fashioned, Plat is a bit of a fashionable girl. Nearl is serious and disciplined, Plat is casual and wants to coast by on life. Nearl has a hidden dorky side to her personality while Plat, despite her lackadaisical nature, enjoys simple frivolous pleasures. They're pretty clear opposites.
It's no secret that Platinum hates knights. According to her, they’re either muscle-headed jocks or self-obsessed assholes (and she knows what she’s talking about; she was one of them) What pisses Plat off the most about Nearl is that Nearl is neither. Nearl is what a knight SHOULD be and Platinum is just astounded that after all these years, after all this time, she’s acting like being a knight actually means something. It pisses her off so much because why? To run the risk of being left behind by stubbornly clinging to what some might call outdated ideals... deep down, I think she can’t help but admire Nearl too. There's something admirable about believing in the romanticism of true knights in a world so determined to quash you under its boots. For all she knows, the world has moved on from knights, but Nearl disagrees. There's value in keeping the ideal alive in a world that seemingly dismissed it but is also in desparate need of it. Nearl is not the artificial lights of Kazimierz that Plat is used to, but actual light.
I also want to say that Plat resents Nearl because Nearl had the chance to escape Kazimierz, but came back instead. Plat wants nothing more than to be free from her current life. So to see Nearl willingly return to the place that made her life hell? It’s infuriating. How can she think this rotten country can be fixed, when Platinum herself can't see any light at the end of the tunnel? They're both victims, but how is it that their outlooks are so different?
Pictured: Juxtaposing the symbolism of Nearl standing alone but bathed in light, who's still adored by many, while Platinum stands in shadow, surrounded by others but in reality she has no one and has to fend for herself in a cutthroat organization she hates. Their respective loneliness and isolation...
The events reveal that Platinum is quite compassionate. She didn't become an assassin to kill people; rather, she was coerced into it by someone taking advantage of her emotions. Yes, her job is to monitor Nearl, but she doesn't want to hurt her. She sees that Nearl has been away from her family and just wants her to be with them, likely projecting her own feelings of being estranged from her own parents.
This is more going into extrapolation of their characters and circumstances, but yes, Platinum kidnapped and threatened Maria to use as leverage but I have to wonder if Nearl would actually hold that against her should she learn about Plat having been manipulated into a job she desperately wants to leave. Also I think just based on Nearl’s voice lines about not pursuing enemies and giving them another chance to change their life trajectory, she’d feel sympathetic for Plat’s situation if she ever learned that she was tricked into it and couldn’t easily leave.
I just really like the idea of a slow-burn where Nearl herself is actually against Plat at first because of said kidnapping but eventually learns about her situation and how Plat is trapped and miserable. Her distrust and wariness turns to pity and then gradually concern. Nearl’s strong desire to help people compels her to try and find a way if she can help the girl she has mixed feelings about. In Plat's op rec, Nearl's appearance implies that both of them can never truly escape the shadow of the KGCC. If they come calling, Plat will eventually have to answer. Nearl still has to watch her words and actions now that she's back in Kazimierz, otherwise her friends get targeted.
Compare and contrast Nearl the ideal knight who stuck by her morals versus Platinum who just did what she was told under threat of retribution and how they both ended up getting screwed over by the system anyway, the unwinnable Kazimierz competition scene. Alternately, an assassin falling for their mark? That's the stuff of novels. Something that actually happened to Platinum's predecessor, and for her to follow in his footsteps?
NLPT slow-burn because both of them aren’t sure how to feel about the other. Plat avoiding her, it’d be so easy to blame all her problems on Nearl; if she didn’t exist, she wouldn’t be in this predicament. and Nearl always second-guessing Plat’s intentions... I have a scene in my head that’s basically like: too much of their dynamic is rooted in the place that changed their lives for the worse. But at Rhodes Island, they are not assassin nor knight, but comrades. And as her comrade, Nearl will die for Platinum, if need be. She was willing to die for Firewatch too, despite Firewatch also claiming to despise knights.
#dltext#anonymous#dl talks ak#idk what you mean by 'good takes' lol#half the time i'm just like 'damn liking rarepairs is suffering'#i multship nearl but depending on the day i feel certain pairs more than others#and get smacked in the face just how unpopular they are in comparison#platinum#nearl
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Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Him having a sort of fatal attraction vibe goin with Traveler like Came||ya’s whole thing almost hdbfb#//The whole ‘you’re interesting; I really like you; I can’t WAIT to see what makes you tick’#//Except he might actually be more of a danger to them; considering his endgame for those he ‘loves’#v; l’innamorato (fatui!kaeya)#//The love idea of him v attached to Signora; deffo got along with the kiddos of the HotH better fjhdh#//Prolly loved presenting her W|ll Sm|th style; even if the attention it drew to him too did make his skin crawl more often than not#//Love the idea of him stalking Traveler thru their journeyw lil heart eyes; interfering at key moments to hinder or help them progress#//Depends on how he’s feeling at the moment jcbcb#//In this verse would deffo butt heads with Taru in Fontaine specifically—he wants Traveler’s attention too jfbfb#//Prolly met them in Mond as part of Signora’s lil entourage—IMMEDIATELY got intrigued at first glance#//Background wise; I like to think he was a Fatuus meant to infiltrate the knights like many of Eroch’s ppl#//And in the progress of going through the knight thing got acquainted w Luc & began to have doubts abt the Fatui cause#//After visiting his home; hearing abt and meeting his father; then the day of the Heckening happens & they fight#//Bc Kae already planned to come clean & renounce the Fatui & Khaenri’ah; but the mess Crepus’s death made of him#//Tried far too hastily; far too bluntly to tell Luc the truth of his origins; swearing he knew nothing abt the Delusion#//Only to get claymore’d; which absolutely helped cemented him into the Fatui’s ranks more#//A part of him knows it wasn’t the time to say it; that he is at fault for trying to take advantage of Luc’s vulnerable state to tell him#//Only for the lad to have been far too volatile & so it turned out badly; but he still blames Luc for the break of their bond#//Anywho; I like to think as of Inazuma; he does have a certain grudge against traveler bc of Signora#//Before; encounters were more of puppy love bordering on dangerous obsession—after that; the dangerous bit became Personal#//Ohhh I’m writing a yandere here; okay<-should have realized that from the FIRST slew of Fatuiverse hcs lmao#//He genuinely does love Traveler; would like to see them breaking down in despair in his arms#//The two of them together would make a most beautiful ice sculpture indeed#//Even with his grudge; Traveler does stand a chance at swaying him to actually be helpful#//Sumeru quest wise; Co||ei is the magic word—i like to think he came along with there bc he wanted to see abt the Eleazar#//And maybe find clues to her family or even her herself; Traveler or Paimon dropping the name would make him cooperate SO fast#//Klee in Mond is basically his Teucer jffb. She is as good as fam in his eyes—I like to think he keeps up his habit of collecting pyro ppl#//Bc he never got over his broken bond with SOMEONE. Even if this verse has him more bitter abt it#//But ye jdbdbd. Is it rlly a Allie posting if it not short lol blurb and then heckin TAG SPAM lololol
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i survived the movie premiere and i only had a few sightings which is very good but . i feel like i just got beat up. in an alleyway idk there is no other way to describe what i'm feeling rn. the movie was about just some guy who quits his lame cashier job and then struggles to find a job he actually likes (me). who loves to watch movies, who loves to go to a cinema and who prefers to sit in the last row and who wants to eat popcorn (me)(since this was an estonian film he was talking about THE exact cinema i go to btw)(there are so many other cinemas here). who wanted to go and study something creative but then just.. didn't (me). who does nothing all day long (me). who feels like every opportunity has already passed and that it's too late to really pick up anything now because it's just way too fucking embarrassing (me). who feels like he has nothing to offer (me). and who feels like he's just an interesting "hello" and nothing more (me).
extra (me) points for when he and his girlfriend went to hang out with her father and then after it he went "i think it's amazing how well you get along with your dad" . as if that isn't something i have said .. countless times before😭😭😭
#there really were some scenes that made me want to cry so badly lmao it's so embarrassing#him and his gf were having an argument and she said how she can't depend on him at all#and that he doesn't do the things she asks him to do even though he doesn't do anything all day long#btw the gf was actually really really nice she gave this cute speech to him at the end#which made him feel better#like she reassured him that he IS interesting and that she doesn't think the world has ended and that it isn't too late#and that he isn't a failure#all of that good stuff#i did not feel better though😭😭😭#like yeah that's#literally me#nothing#i'm listening to the challengers soundtrack while crying this is so funny actually#seeing my literal classmates' names in the titles did not make any of it better either lmao#they're all doing things#things they love#i have to hype myself up to go the fucking grocery store#mayor of loserville#lol#cw vent
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I HC that fem Leona would wear her hair short to mirror how lionesses don't have manes - it's a common trend amongst lion beastfolk (particularly those in more traditional families) that girls would have short hair and boys would grow their hair long
#also genderfluid Leona who styles their hair depending on how the vibes are each day#his usual style for he/him days#and maybe she'd use a head wrap for she/her days#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twst#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland headcanons#twst headcanons#I don't know much about hairstyles lol#feel free to share your own opinions and headcanons with me! :D
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we've seen rei and natu and fuyumi in 'pleased to meet you', but what is dabi's relationship like with enji and shouto?
you know, enji is one thing in ptmy that i'm undecided on. one one hand, i almost don't even want to touch that, bc it's sooooo much—and i'm also still not sure where they'll be at the end of the canon story, not that that has to translate into ptmy—and also bc, i go back and forth with wondering what i want for their relationship ?? so tbh that's probably also contributing to the mud puddle i feel stuck in right now re: ptmy. but on the other hand, i feel like there is no way for me to not talk about them, you know ? where touya and enji are at as he recovers like. i can't not talk about it. idk idk ! i'm stuck !
as far as shouto, i think, as he's healing, it would make sense to me that he goes back and forth with how he feels about shouto. shouto will always be there for whenever touya feels like reaching out, and he'll always be just out of view in case he needs anything at all, and at times, touya could be convinced to nurture some kind of relationship with him, but i think he gets in a bad mood and then changes his mind LOL like, it's that simple. he's just that much of a brat LOL
i definitely have more planned for touya and shouto's relationship, but i'm still deciding endeavor....i'm hoping my feelings will become a little more study once the manga finishes and i have some kind of direction to follow LOL but tysm for asking ! and for your patience !
#✿ ask willow#it's all so fragile too i think#and a lot of it genuinely depends on how touya feels any given day LOL#bc he's so driven by his emotions i think#idk if this made any sense but LOL#tldr: still figuring out enji; more to come with shouto
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https://www.tumblr.com/faulkner-gordon/766372402703810560/this-is-lawrence-and-alison-to-me substanceshipping . (spink is cis in my mind so boypussy is gavin about david)
you're so right actually
#i enjoy both cis and trans spink it just depends on how im feeling that day tbh lol#substanceshipping#leighcest
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Take some Fydd's I just realized I never posted
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#fydd is such a comfort character to me rn its not even funny I adore this lil lad#hes been helping keep me sane#Ive also been keeping sane by brainstoriming more abt how I wanna make eternal gales someday which is also helping#and lemme say its getting real ambitious folks this bad boy isnt getting made for a While lol#the more Ive been thinking abt eternal gales and how I want it to be formatted the more certain I become that while its not going to be a#game Im probably going to be making it within a game maker engine#like Ill still look into how feasible making it all into a website would be but I think for what I want to make this would work best#which is! very ambitious and is definitely not smth I can manage rn! but I have been wanting to re learn to code anyways so!#its mostly just a matter of like. doing some smaller projects first and getting my shit together#ideally I want to be able to be in a place to get started in about 5 years maybe? idk that feels reasonable to me#but Im fine if it takes longer as long as Ive gotten at least some actual real project started and worked on#Ive been playing around with the idea of maybe trying my hand at making a small game for fun#not right this second but maybe soon? idk depends on a bunch of shit#honestly eternal gales has dragged me through so much whenever I feel hopeless I just have to remember that I Need to make it some day and#imagine ppl asking me questions abt it and analyzing my writing and I go ok so I must persist no matter what I need ppl to read abt them
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