#dementia action week

[sabertoothwalrus]

I'm going to think out loud about the dungeon meshi ages for a sec

I'm going to preface this by saying that this is based on my existing knowledge, and fact checking is difficult because there is A LOT of contentious research out there.

First of all, I think a lot of people come at this from a modern lens, forgetting the context that this is fantasy medieval era. this is fiction. on top of that, this is specifically Ryoko Kui's understanding of medieval era aging. plus fantasy. So before anyone comes at me with a bunch of 'ermmmm actualy's just consider that I don't really care and also it might not matter in this context lol

as far as the "age of maturity" assigned for each race, something I don't see many people talk about is that "teenagers" are a fairly recent concept. For a long time, you were either considered A Kid or Not A Kid. but this doesn't necessarily mean kids were more/less developed then, just our cultural expectations for certain age groups have changed.

Laios says the age of maturity for tallmen is 16. I don't think that means 16 year olds in the dungeon meshi universe are necessarily "more mature" than modern 16 year olds, but moreso that they have more responsibilities. However, things like medicine, smoking, drinking, sun exposure, physical activity, etc all affect age, so it's possible that developmentally they're closer to modern 18 year olds? Izutsumi is 17 (less than two weeks from turning 18, actually), and very much acts like a modern 17 year old.

The age of maturity for half-foots is 14. Chilchuck was 13 when he got married and had his first two children. Even though, at age 29, he's the equivalent of a modern 50 year old, I don't think he was That much more developed at 13 than a tallman. I think if half-foot 14 is equal to tallman 16, then Chilchuck was Pretty Damn Young for a parent LMAO. Even if you're generous and say tallman 16 is a modern 18, he still would've been younger than that.

The long-lived races are interesting. Marcille is obviously a unique case, and not a lot of this applies to her. We do know what Senshi was like as a minor (miner, lol), and he seemed like a modern 15ish, considering he was 36 and dwarf maturity is 40. I think it'd be really interesting to delve into how a culture functions with people being developmentally adolescent for soooooo long. Imagine middle school lasting 20 years. that would fucking suck. I suppose it makes sense why long-lived races are so patronizing.

Moving onto lifespans, I want to emphasize that they're average lifespans. Even in the manga, they say some half-foots live to 100, it's just rare. So it's less that a tallman 60 year old is "older" than a modern 60 year old, it's that it's easier to keep people alive for longer nowadays. Modern medicine is a BIG contributor. Dental health as well, considering how much your health is affected by your diet (and how much the action of chewing alone aids in digestion). Curious to know what the FUCK elven dentistry is like.

It also makes me wonder if half-foots would have a longer average lifespan if they weren't like, used for bait and treated so poorly, but half-foot 29 does seem to be middle-aged for half-foots. so who knows!

In that vein, I don't know if I can see Mithrun quite making it to 400 😬 like, his experience as a dungeon lord took a lot out of him quite literally, and he's doing exceptionally well despite it! I imagine he'd eventually start to develop a lot of heart problems if he doesn't have them already. Perhaps early-onset dementia. His memory seems still quite intact (he corrects Kabru on his story's accuracy) and he doesn't act like, lobotomized. He doesn't seem forgetful or confused, and he has a sense of humor/sarcasm still. It's mostly his task initiation that's been affected.

I almost want to say that mana affinity could affect long-lived races' lifespans, except dwarves have very poor tolerance for mana, so it's probably not that.

okay anyway I didn't really have a point to this post so I'm just gonna end my rambling here

[beemovieerotica]

What is up with Congress going "What Trump and Elon are doing is illegal!!!" And then still obeying them and letting them continue to do said illegal shit like ??? Do they just not give a fuck? Is it ragebait publicity and what's going on is actually normal ???

The above is a really helpful site to keep bookmarked during this time. At present, there are seven groups who have filed legal complaints regarding the executive order on birthright citizenship, four groups that have filed complaints on DOGE's right to operate, multiple individuals fighting the orders on various trans rights, and the Society of Friends is fighting back against the order that would allow ICE to invade houses of worship. Some of the entries have updates regarding pauses / restraining orders to Trump's demands.

These are all non-Congressional entities - unions, churches, activist groups, Jane and John Does - that are taking a stand, and they're worth supporting.

On the other hand...

Democrats in Congress are laser-focused on 2026...and they're not going to help with much else. They have explicitly stated that they are dropping "culture war" issues - they won't be engaging on trans rights or mass deportations, because according to exit polls, it was a big reason they lost the election. The average American does not care about trans people or immigrants. People want two things: 1) Cheaper gas. 2) Cheaper eggs. They do not read the news. They have no idea that Obamacare and the ACA are the same thing. They genuinely believe life was better under Trump because they got a check for $1000 in the mail. Our civics education and political literacy is in the fucking toilet.

So Congressional Democrats are bending to the right to accommodate the oblivious centrist voter, and my faith in them has expired. I don't trust the people on Capitol Hill - I'm an ex-Californian who had to watch as a 90-year old Dianne Feinstein shambled her way around Congress and refused to make way for younger politicians who don't have dementia. So I'm very strongly of the opinion that Washington will continue to be run by old money, lobbyists, and geriatrics, and the actual fights are going to be won at a local level, where we'll be working to make individual cities and states into havens. We are already essentially a patchwork of safe states versus not - I anticipate we'll see the lines bolden even more in the next few years, and I'm focusing my political energy on my immediate neighborhood and city for the time being.

[mindblowingscience]

As the world's aging population grows, and dementia, cardiovascular disease, and osteoporosis reach epidemic levels, people of all ages want to know how they can live healthier, not just longer, lives. For women in their 40s and 50s, it's not too late to take action. A study that tracked more than 11,000 women in Australia has found that midlife is a crucial time to meet physical activity guidelines of at least 150 minutes a week. Women in the study who said they maintained those guidelines consistently over the next 15 years had better physical health scores than those women who did not.

Continue Reading.

[violetfaust]

Actually, I take it back.

Trump’s actions in his first three weeks do not justify impeachment.

They justify the Twenty-fifth Amendment. He is obviously insane. He wants America not just complicit in genocide but openly, actively committing it so he can build seaside hotels. He let a Nazi and some schoolboys without security clearances take over the Treasury. He is dismantling entire agencies of the US government. He started a trade war with our nearest allies and has openly imperialist ambitions.

He is in the throes of dementia or some narcissistic fit.

He needs to be removed IMMEDIATELY.

[thechanelmuse]

Wendy Williams

When my damn spidey senses kick in.

From the moment that diagnosis news went viral today, something didn't feel right. But I couldn't put my finger on it.

So Wendy's niece, Alex, went on The View today and discussed the upcoming 2-part Lifetime docuseries, Where Is Wendy Williams?, with the hosts (who all watched the series). Apparently, the series exposes the court-appointed conservatorship that bars the family. I been knew about the family being barred and not being put in the know about her whereabouts (sketchy), but not what the series features aside from Wendy. Interesting.

Peep all the details revealed and the specific questions that are asked:

Right after the interview 🤔, news about Wendy having aphasia and frontotemporal dementia comes out. How convenient. Who is the damn guardian? Why is it so secretive? I google. This ho down here pops up but I also see it's made its way onto twitter:

Now this court-appointed temporary guardian has filed a lawsuit against Lifetime to block the docuseries from coming out, according to TMZ. On the same day as the interview and that diagnosis news. Clockwork. 😒 Per TMZ:

"Sabrina Morrissey -- who says she's acting in her capacity as temporary guardian of W.W.H. (presumably Wendy Williams Hunter) -- just filed suit against A&E Television Networks, but she did it under seal, meaning the public can't peep what exactly she's running to court for.

"Morrissey is also seeking a temporary restraining order in her action -- again, that's often the mechanism used when someone wants a judge to step in and halt the release of a film or television project. Now, what's interesting is that the judge actually ordered all the docs to remain temporarily under seal -- and set a hearing date for next week to determine whether they should stay that way as the case plays out.

"Of course, the Wendy doc drops this weekend, and while the hearing on the sealing issue falls after the release date, it's possible the court will rule on the merits of what Morrissey's asking for ... namely, injunctive relief against A&E -- while the docs are temporarily sealed. "

Leak docuseries now.

😒

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

A note before we begin: I understand that sometimes people look askance at some of the fundraisers. I do attempt to vet people, but I also attempt to practice a radical level of acceptance and compassion for people who are in need, who may not always be people everyone likes. It is up to my readers to determine where and if they want to give; I have only ever declined to publicize fundraisers twice, both by people with extensive and visible histories of scamming fandom. If you know of someone who has a history of scamming, it is helpful for me to be made aware, but unless there are receipts to go with it, I'm afraid I can't take that into account. Simply telling me "so-and-so is a bad person" does not help. (Lest I start more drama, this is not isolated to this week's post, it's just a particularly unhelpful comment this week which spurred me to write this.)

And now on to more helpful things!

Ways to Give:

maryellencarter linked to a fundraiser for johnhawkens, who is about to lose his temporary housing and needs assistance with food and transportation. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

just_juniper_joy is raising $350 to get through a lapse in emergency assistance; they are currently waiting for disability paperwork to go through and in the process of renewing the emergency aid in the meantime, but their county office is moving slowly, and they need to pay for medication, phone, and internet, as well as rent. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

aurorlaura linked to a fundraiser for Alchemia and Bugland, who have urgent financial needs after the loss of their home, and are also looking for advocacy and legal support in Illinois, particularly support for people with disabilities, autism, blindness, and/or who are LGBTQ+. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

nightwhite13 is raising funds to help seal a hole in their home through which a rat is entering; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Beck is raising funds for top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

just-a-zesty-lil-rat is raising funds to cover a medical deductible so they can get top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

catlineyemaker linked to a fundraiser for gallusrostromegalus, who recently rented a home to a friend who ended up doing serious damage to the home and required legal action to evict; they can't sell the house as-is and can't afford the repairs needed to make the house salable. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Buy Stuff, Help Out:

have-a-hygge is an artist selling her work to raise funds to open her own gallery, a task complicated by being a fulltime caregiver to a parent with dementia. You can read more and find purchase and giving information here.

Help For Free:

Maggie is a graduate student at American University, doing research on fanfic and the way people learn about sex and sexuality as teenagers. They have a survey available about experiences reading or writing fanfic and how it impacted their sexuality and understanding of sex, which may lead to interviews if the person is agreeable; all interviews are anonymized. You can learn more and take the survey here.

Recurring Needs:

rusty-chevy's workplace is in a slow period, and management has been cutting hours; she is raising funds to cover at least part of the shortfall from reduced paychecks, and was just denied rent assistance. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

alirhi linked to a fundraiser to get herself, her mother, and her sister stable housing; they are currently staying in their cars in a a dangerous parking lot. They have a friend who will let them park a camper in her yard, but the camper there currently is unlivable. With two of the family on disability it is difficult for them to keep up with bills and also save for housing. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here including a few new ways to give.

gwydion linked to a fundraiser for a friend, whose dog Rosie needs medical care, dental work, and special food; you can read more and give here at gofundme.

rilee16 is raising funds after having to use rent money to pay their electric bill; their roommate, with whom they have had a number of issues, has been an ongoing issue and is also costing them money, and they are now facing a late fee for October rent after the check didn't clear. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[harpershigh]

Name / Alias : M, Mime, Mimetoist (she/her)

Are you over 18? : Yes / No

  – W R I T I N G –

Are you selective about who you write with? : No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only). --

Are you selective about who you follow? : No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people).

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon? : Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / Not Applicable.

What post lengths do you write? : One-Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella / All of the aforementioned

Do you use icons and/or GIFS? : No / Gifs / Icons / Yes / Sometimes.

Do you write on other platforms? :No / Yes 

(I've RP'd in Orkut back in the day, also in the Mythweavers forum, Role Gate and Discord, but only in mother tongue. In english, I only write here and sometimes on AO3)

What level of plots do you write? : Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Epics / All of the aforementioned

How quickly do you usually respond to threads? : Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

What types of themes do you like? : Adventure / Romance / Fluff / Angst / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / All of the aforementioned

What genres do you like? : ( Feel free to add! ) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Smut / Adventure / Espionage / Dark / Emotional / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog? : (Not triggers) No / Yes / Sometimes

(degenerative mental diseases such as Alzheimer, Dementia, or senility in general. I won't write/read these)

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged? : I would never ask anyone for tags, and well, the only "trigger" I have is very specific and I haven't seen anyone around writing about it, but if it happens I'll just scroll past it and move on with my day.

  – S H I P P I N G –

What types of relationships are you open to? : Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to? : Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

Do you have OTPs? : No / Chemistry Only / Yes (every pairing can be an OTP if you're brave enough :D)

Do you have NOTPS? : No / Yes (anything involving characters that are minors)

What is your muse’s sexual orientation? : Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you’re asking

What is your muse’s romantic orientation? : Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you’re asking

Are you comfortable writing smut? : No / Selectively / Yes (I can do it on mother tongue in a blink, I've been writing smut for years now, but in english... Well, I've written some before but I still cringe a little bit, I feel too limited. Hopefully I learn to deal with it soon)

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically? : Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions / Slow burn / Plot dependent / Never (I have an autoship muse — Nyssala — but Jaheira is a slow burner and it's driving me INSANE. YES, I AM A SHIP WHORE, FIGHT ME)

Are you open to toxic ships? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

Are you open to problematic ships? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure (as long as it does not involve pedo I'm all in)

Are you open to polyamory shipping? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure (I'd love to, but it's tricky because Jaheira is monogamic :( my other muses have polyam ships with bestie @adorectrine tho)

Are you an exclusive shipper? : Never / Sometimes / Yes

Does crack shipping ever happen? : Nope / Yes / depends (none until now, but bring it on)

Tagged by: @faerunscursed

tagging: @adorectrine, @rotdame, @demonwebs, @whomuses, @ryathenaughtykitsune, @fleshcarverfugitive

:D

[mayhem-neverending]

The Big Bad Wolf

Part XI

Word Count: 4,228

Warnings: Mentions of death

Note: Lights, Camera, Action! Don't mind the beginning, please and thanks. And Obito is in this part, don't worry.

Once again sitting across from him, Kakashi had the space to collect himself. He was internally reeling from your warmth and delicious smell, the ghost of your touch lingering in his hair. You appeared largely unaffected, but happy with the interaction.

A buzzing from his pocket stole his attention. He pulled it out and opened it, seeing a string of notifications. Two were from Genma, one was from Guy. He opened Guy’s first.

Rival!! I just heard you came to your paramour’s rescue!!! Is it true!!?? You are truly HEROIC!!

Kakashi opted to ignore that for the moment and opened Genma’s messages.

I thought you said you guys werent together

does that mean ur coming to my bday party too?

An irritated sigh exited his nose. His irritation clashed, however, with the excitement he felt from your conversation. He tucked his phone away without bothering to answer and only smiled at your questioning brow.

“How did Obito like meeting Hikaru?” He asked pleasantly.

“I think he was a little unsure at first, but he came around towards the end I think,”

“That sounds about right,”

“I really need you to get him a phone. I would hate for me or Hikaru to be sick and I don’t have any way to get a hold of him,”

“Makes sense. I’ll look into it tomorrow,”

“Thanks,”

You mirrored Kakashi as he sipped his sake. He looked around briefly before asking, “You don’t happen to have any of that food you were talking about earlier, do you?”

“No, I left it all with Obito. Are you hungry?”

“A little,”

“Well, I’m sure Obito’ll be happy to see you,” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Kicking me out?”

“Never. I just think it would be good for him to see you. He’s been doing a lot better, and I think he’d be proud to show you his progress,”

He thought for a moment. “Not tonight. I’ll make some time tomorrow though, okay?”

You grinned. “That’d be great, Kakashi.”

“And you’re welcome to my fridge, if you want. I don’t really have the energy to cook right now,”

“What do you have?”

You playfully rolled your eyes. “Go look,”

He kept his drink in his hand while he got up to look. You followed him, your own drink in one hand and phone in the other. You set them down and hoisted yourself onto the counter. You settled yourself and opened up your phone. You hadn't heard it go off but you figured you might as well check.

You were glad you did. There was a message from Hina, your cousin… And a missed call from Toma, but you weren’t going to give that one any of your energy.

hey no worries here im with my aunt. the one w dementia near the border. Ill lyk if anything happens but im sure itll all be okay

thanks for worrying abt me tho. r u coming when I give birth still? im due in like 2 weeks

“Fuck,”

Kakashi looked back at you from where he was bent over, placing a bake-able tupperware container in the oven. “Hm? What’s wrong,”

“A. I forgot I told Hina I would be there when she gave birth, and B. She didn’t take my warning seriously… The upside is that she isn’t near her husband’s compound, though. She’s on the western border, closest to us.”

“You should tell her to stay there. It’ll be easier to extract her in case of an emergency.”

You did just that, and told her you would try to find a sitter for Hikaru so you could be there for her. To her it was just a loving family member there to help her; for you it was an extra set of eyes and capable hands there to protect her. If the Zen’in Clan stirred up trouble, like they always did when things didn’t go in their favor, it would compromise the safety of her and her baby.

“Would I be able to take off for that?” You asked Kakashi, who was leaning against the counter opposite you, his feet crossed at the ankle in front of him.

“For her baby’s birth?”

“Yeah,”

He tilted his chin down and his thin brows furrowed. “I don’t know, Y/n. It would be incredibly dangerous for you to go into a country that is in such a politically tumultuous state right now,”

You grumbled, but didn’t push the subject further. You would have to play it by ear, anyway.

The next morning your son woke you extra early. He wasn't allowed to go to school until twenty-four hours after his fever had subsided, so you had convinced your grandma to take him for the day before you had gone to bed.

You got up slowly and went about your usual routine. The morning was incredibly bright from the sun reflecting off the surface of the white snow. Before you left, you tried to find a pair of sunglasses, but only found Hikaru’s half-bent ones. He didn’t care for your attempt at putting them in his toy bin and took them from you, smashing them on his face until they balanced enough for him to walk around with them.

Your grandma was closer to the forest than the daycare was, so you had taken a little extra time getting out the door. You styled your hair differently and chose a nicer set of warm clothes - a more fitted sweater and jeans. You wouldn’t admit it, but you knew deep down who you were trying to look nice for.

The walk took longer than you had anticipated since you had forgotten to factor in Hikaru’s desire to stomp around in the freshly fallen snow. You let him dig his toes in and drag his feet and shove his little hands in it in wonder; choosing to be patient and appreciate the sheer joy lighting up his chubby face.

Waiting in the front window, your grandmother watched as you two approached until you opened the front gate. She opened the door and called for Hikaru with a delighted smile.

“My boy! I haven’t seen you in what feels like 50 years!” She exclaimed dramatically.

He wasn’t giving her any attention, opting to plop straight down into the snow and giggle. You shook your head with a smile and hoisted him up, effectively covering yourself in the snow that came with him.

You handed him off to your grandma, told her you loved her and kissed Hikaru on both cheeks, repeating the same phrase to him. You waved goodbye and made a swift exit.

Obito was worried you might not make it But there he was, standing in his window, watching you take dramatically large steps as you trudged through the deep snow. The scene put a massive grin on his face. He courteously opened his front door for you when got close enough.

“Good morning,” you untied your boots on the front step, sliding your feet out and hopping into the cottage.

“Good morning!” He replied cheerily, shutting the door behind you.

“Somebody’s in a good mood,”

He thought you were being sarcastic, but you smiled up at him warmly, even if it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You smacked the snow off your boots and pulled them inside, letting him close the door behind you. Instead of your usual route to the kitchen, you veered off the path and tossed yourself on the couch.

“Walking in that snow really wore me out,”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “So, that means you get to slack off on the clock?”

“Of course,” you patted the seat next to you with a little smile. “Come slack off with me?”

He settled onto the cushion next to you, turning his body so that he was facing you. A comfortable silence surrounded the two of you for a few short minutes. He studied your profile while you stared at the fire, obviously lost in thought.

“I had an interesting evening after I left yesterday,”

“Oh?”

“My ex’s new girlfriend harassed me outside of the apothecary, then Kakashi shows up and tells me that Akujia has outlawed all forms of chakra control!”

“Shit, are you serious?” he leans back, his smile slipping.

“Dead,”

“That is not good,”

You nodded in agreement. “My cousin, Hina, still lives there, but when I told her she should consider moving here she just kinda blew me off. She doesn’t - I don’t know how to put this without seeming like an ass - but she… lac- has chosen.. not to.. hone.. her critical thinking skills. God I sound like a shitty person, but in short, I’m genuinely worried about her and her baby,”

“Is she a chakra-user?”

“No, but her baby is the heir of the Zen’in clan,”

His brows shot up and he made a face like he was impressed. “No shit? Good for her,”

His comment lightened the mood, and you threw him a playful smile. “I know, right? She’s really got it made. Her husband not only loves her, like, intensely, but he’s loaded, attractive, and with the servants, the girl never even has to lift a finger,”

“Hm, does sound pretty nice,” he rested the side of his head on the back of the couch. “Is that what you want?”

“Which part?”

You enjoyed your view of him. His black hair, which needed another trim, was still moussed up a bit from sleep, and the depth of his eyes was revealed in the stream of sunlight illuminating him. The warmth of the sun softened his sharp features, and he looked absolutely charming the way he was smiling at you. He licked his lips before he spoke, drawing your attention to them. Despite being slightly chapped, you thought they looked awfully silky. You briefly wondered what he would do if you reached out and touched them.

“Attractive, loaded, the servants - is that what you want in a man?”

The seriousness of his tone had you giggling. You shook your head ‘no’. “The love part is the most important to me. I don’t particularly want servants, but money is definitely a perk. I like feeling financially secure, for sure,”

“Attractiveness?”

You raised your brow. He was looking at you attentively, like this was a very important conversation. It made you feel a little weird, but you answered honestly, “In general, I find a lot of people attractive, but in an objective way. I rarely find people that I’m attracted to. And that’s what’s important to me. Someone could tell me they don’t think who I’m dating is all that good looking, but it doesn’t matter all that much to me, because I’m attracted to them as a whole person, y’know? Not just their looks,”

He nodded like you had just given him some profound insight. You, now curious because of his strange behavior, turned the question around on him. “What is important to you in a woman?”

You rested your cheek on your fist. He looked a bit scattered at having been asked the same thing. “Uh, well,”

He cleared his throat and looked away from you. In a flat tone, he muttered, “Dunno, haven’t really thought about it,”

A frown tugged at your lips and you looked at him in puzzlement. “In all your life, you haven’t really thought about it?”

With downcast eyes, he replied, “That’s a conversation for another day,”

You nodded, accepting his answer for the time being. You stood and stretched your arms over your head. “Well, it’s pretty late, how about brunch?”

“Whatever you want,” he replied with a shrug, easing back into his lighter tone.

“I love it when you say that,” you winked.

He followed you into the kitchen in his normal fashion, leaning against the counter-top and taking up your precious little prep space. It didn’t matter how many times you had to move him around the kitchen while you worked, he always stayed if he wasn’t preoccupied with anything else.

He made himself comfortable, folding his arms over his chest and leaning heavily into the counter. He looked intimidating like this sometimes; his mouth set in a firm line while he silently watched.

He wore a black t-shirt, rather than his usual long-sleeve, and you wondered once again about his arms being two completely different colors. What really caught your attention, though, was the muscle definition. You had a hard time tearing your gaze away from the well defined-lines; only narrowly avoiding him catching you by quickly reaching beside him to grab a cutting board.

“I’m thinking extra protein today. How about Eggs Benedict, but make it with chicken cause we don’t have ham?”

“Hm, as long as you fry the chicken like you did last time, I’m game,”

“Oh, that was a new recipe. You liked that?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied mischievously. “I liked it, ‘like a lot’,”

“You little shit,” you said with a grin.

He laughed at your expense, but you enjoyed his teasing. He was absolutely wonderful to be around whenever he wore his goofy grin. For the first time, you blushed when he aimed it at you.

Feeling a little hot and a host of butterflies in your stomach, you looked away from him and busied yourself with starting brunch. He talked to you about a new quilting project he was sketching out while you pulled everything you needed out. He was animated, drawing the shapes in the air with his finger in an attempt to better convey his vision.

You told him to just get the paper he drew it on with a laugh, and he went off into the living room in search of it among the scraps. You shook your head to yourself, wondering how you could be so happy just listening about his excitement over his project.

You were beginning to remove the bones from the raw chicken when your phone started to ring loudly. Your bag was in the living room so you asked Obito to grab it really quickly for you. He trotted over with it and you asked him who it was.

“Uh, Hina. That’s your cousin, right?”

Anxiety flared in your chest, “Answer it, put it on speaker, please,”

He answered and clicked the speaker button, standing close to you and holding it near your face so you could speak clearly into it. You answered, “Hey,”

“Hi,” she answered in an unnaturally high, broken pitch and you immediately stopped what you were doing, your body stilling while your heart-rate increased.

“Hina?” You asked slowly.

“I-” she cut herself off with a sudden burst of loud, uncontrollable sobbing.

You dropped your knife and pushed Obito over with your hip to get access to the sink. You turned it on and called her name again, but it only caused her to let out a guttural sob that pierced straight through your chest. You hurriedly washed your hands and wiped them on your jeans, grabbing the phone from Obito.

“Hey, hey, Hina? What’s going on?”

You heard shaky breathing on the other end and assumed she was attempting to get enough control to speak, but only seconds later she let out another sharp cry. Your wide eyes met with Obito’s. Something bad happened, obviously, and your mind conjured up image after cruel image. Your hands began to shake almost imperceptibly as adrenaline coursed through you.

“Hina, sweetie. I’m right here. Please, can you tell me what’s going on?”

“I-”

“Take a deep breath with me?”

She made a noise and you started. “In… out…”

After a single breath, she screeched, “They killed him!”

Her uncontrollable sobs were let loose once again, cut up by sharp, ragged breaths. “The. Oh God..-”

On the other end you heard retching, and your hand unconsciously covered your mouth. Your heart dropped into your stomach and your shaking worsened. Your feet were glued to the floor, eyes unfocused on the cabinet in front of you. All of your senses dulled except your hearing, focusing so you could catch any words she tried to get out between heaves. Every noise she made was amplified and rang in your ears.

In between her heaving she breathlessly got out, “The clan… The meeting..”

You assumed she finished vomiting and you listened to her struggle to breathe in and out. “They massacred the clan! Javi’s dead!”

“Where are you?” you asked urgently.

“Still-still with my aunt,”

“Stay there, do you hear me?”

“But-”

“Stay. There. I will come get you,”

There was complete silence on the other end of the line. You waited with baited breath, staring into nothing.

You had never heard her sound smaller than when she asked, “How long?”

You had to pause for a moment; your mind blanking as her voice gutted you. As quickly as you could, you did the math in your head, your heart aching for her. “Two days,”

She sniffled, and a tremor of fear rang through her voice as she asked, “You promise?”

“I promise,” you replied with sincerity.

After a beat, you calmly said, “I have to make a couple calls, okay?”

“I’m scared,” she cried.

“I’m so, so sorry, Hina. This should have never happened to you, and I know it’s hard, but you need to stay as calm as you can for your baby, okay?”

She cried softly on the other end. After a long pause she finally said, “Okay,”

“I’m hanging up now. I’ll be in contact with you later.” You hit the ‘end call’ button, almost missing from the shaking of your hands.

Immediately, you called Kakashi. You finally regained the ability to move, and paced up and down the room as the phone rang. It rang and rang.. and went to voicemail. You took the phone away from your ear and fervently hit the call button again. Your pace increased as it rang and you held the phone in an iron-grip.

He answered. “Hey, I can’t really-”

“They killed the Zen’in clan,” you blurted.

Before he had a chance to respond, you hurriedly gave him the short version of your previous call. There was muted talking in the background and a short, agonizing silence before he spoke to you again.

“Listen, I can’t just send you out on your own. This isn’t just a matter of family; the Zen’in are important people and your cousin is carrying the last living member as far as we’re aware. I have no doubt that someone will come after her to finish the job they started if they find out she’s still alive,”

“Obito can come with me,” you rushed out before your mind could even process.

“Y/n. I can’t. He’s on house arrest, the council-”

“They don’t have to know. Besides, he’s stronger than the rest of the jounin, and everyone’s busy. Please, Kakashi,” you reasoned.

You looked at Obito out of the corner of your eye, and slowly registered that his eyes were glossed over. He likely wasn’t hearing any of your conversation.

He let out a frustrated sigh. “Y/n,”

Hina’s broken sobs reverberated in your mind, and a sense of desperation rose from your chest into your throat.

Your voice broke as you begged, “Please,”

Silence, and then, “Go home, change into your uniform, and bring your gear. Pack a separate civilian outfit. Meet me back at Obito’s when you’re done. No more than two hours; this has to be done quickly,”

“Yes, sir. Thank you,”

You pulled your phone away to end the call when he asked, “What will you do with Hikaru?”

“Fuck!” You raked your fingers over your scalp.

“Just. Fucking Toma can take him,”

“Are you sure?”

You huffed in frustration. “He won’t listen to me if I try to talk to him, but no one else can keep him for four plus days. Can you- would you call him at work or something? Please, for me? He’d probably listen to you,”

“Okay, I’ll try,”

“Thank you.” You hung up the phone.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. When you opened them, Obito was standing in front of you. His face was deeply lined with worry. He hesitantly reached out in an attempt to comfort you, but stopped midway, unsure of himself. You breached the gap, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and burying your face into his chest.

“That was…” he trailed off.

He awkwardly tried to comfort you by patting your shoulder while his other arm circled around your back. The exchange was brief; you backed away and hastily made for your coat and boots by the front door. While shoving your feet in your boots, you vaguely heard him trailing after you.

“Less than two hours,” you said, now slinging on your coat.

“What?”

“I’ll be back here in less than two hours. Kakashi’s coming, so be ready to go,”

“Ready to go?”

You stopped unlatching the door and looked at him over your shoulder, becoming frustrated as you felt the clock ticking. “Yes, Obito. You’re coming with me. Have an outfit packed, I assume Kakashi will bring the rest of what you need,”

He stared at you with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, but you chose not to respond. Instead, you flung open the door and slammed it shut behind you. You sprinted through the snow covered path to your apartment, and, when you hit the village, you jumped between the rooftops despite the snow, hurrying as fast as you could.

In your apartment, you ripped your closet door open and pulled out a few storage bins that contained all of your shinobi equipment. It was one of the few things from your past you fought Toma tooth and nail to keep, and you could never have been more grateful to your past self for standing her ground.

You found your winter uniform at the bottom of the second bin. You pulled on a black, long-sleeve compression shirt. Over that you wore your kusari gusoku, or the protective chain-mail most ninja wore under their clothes. You pulled on the standard pants with leggings underneath for added warmth, and black boots. You added a thin, but incredibly warm, water resistant hooded jacket that clung to you comfortably.

Taking a seat on your bed, you added white tape to your leg. While rolling it on, you smacked your hand against something hard. You reached into one of your many pockets and to your surprise, found a hidden kunai mechanism; a spring-loaded wire that allows the user to extend and retract kunai from their sleeve instantly. You placed it back where you found it, just in case, and finished the wrappings.

Instead of the regular issued sandals, you pulled on the lesser used, but still military issued, black boots. They formed to your feet perfectly - they had always been your favorite pair of shoes, and the feeling brought in a wave of memories. You had to push them away while you continued, but the nostalgia lingered.

Tying the hitai-ate around your neck was the last piece of the puzzle. The weight of it felt right, a familiar heaviness that steadied your racing thoughts. You wanted to look in your full length mirror, but knowing you would distract yourself, you readied your weapons, tools, and pack first. They were all in one place, so it took only a few minutes to distribute what you needed to your pockets and the rest to your bag. Before you decided to call it good, you went into your bathroom and tossed in some of your first aid stuff, since your old kit hadn’t been touched in years.

Packing a couple outfits (an extra for Hina, just in case), shoes, and basic everyday necessities took up the rest of your time. The apartment looked like a tornado had run through it when you had finally closed the zipper, but you hardly glanced at it. You pulled your bag strap over your shoulder, and an overwhelming sense of anxiety slammed into your gut.

As if in a trance, you went back into your bedroom closet, and pulled out one of Hikaru’s baby blankets and an old swaddle. In the back of your mind you reprimanded yourself for using up space for something that would likely prove useless, but you couldn’t help yourself. Your anxiety had always led you to pack for ‘just in case’ scenarios, and you wouldn’t be changing this time.

Before you put it back on, you allowed yourself one glance in the mirror. The woman who stared back at you was a person you had never expected to see again. Tears welled in your eyes because for the first time in years, you fully recognized the person in the mirror. There was hardly any change, physically. You looked a little older, the dark circles under your eyes a little darker, your hands a little softer, maybe even a little wiser, but all in all, you looked like you, again. Or at least a version you had loved.

You covered your mouth as a quiet, relieved sob spilled out. You blamed your tears on your heightened emotions, and quickly wiped them away. You gave your reflection a watery smile, and waved at yourself like you were greeting an old friend. You tore yourself away before you could get lost in it and headed back to Obito’s.

Part XII

Tag List: @mostlyunsure, @humongousdreamlandbear, @ichaichahatake

[compneuropapers]

Interesting Papers for Week 20, 2024

Brain-imaging evidence for compression of binary sound sequences in human memory. Al Roumi, F., Planton, S., Wang, L., & Dehaene, S. (2023). eLife, 12, e84376.

Awake responses suggest inefficient dense coding in the mouse retina. Boissonnet, T., Tripodi, M., & Asari, H. (2023). eLife, 12, e78005.

Competing neural representations of choice shape evidence accumulation in humans. Bond, K., Rasero, J., Madan, R., Bahuguna, J., Rubin, J., & Verstynen, T. (2023). eLife, 12, e85223.

Overestimation in angular path integration precedes Alzheimer’s dementia. Castegnaro, A., Ji, Z., Rudzka, K., Chan, D., & Burgess, N. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4650-4661.e7.

Predictive learning by a burst-dependent learning rule. Chapman, G. W., & Hasselmo, M. E. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107826.

Motor actions are spatially organized in motor and dorsal premotor cortex. Chehade, N. G., & Gharbawie, O. A. (2023). eLife, 12, e83196.

A complete reconstruction of the early visual system of an adult insect. Chua, N. J., Makarova, A. A., Gunn, P., Villani, S., Cohen, B., Thasin, M., … Chklovskii, D. B. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4611-4623.e4.

Longitudinal evidence that infants develop their imitation abilities by being imitated. Essler, S., Becher, T., Pletti, C., Gniewosz, B., & Paulus, M. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4674-4678.e3.

How associations become behavior. Ghirlanda, S., & Enquist, M. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107833.

Emotion regulation during encoding reduces negative and enhances neutral mnemonic discrimination in individuals with depressive symptoms. Hayes, B. K., Harikumar, A., Ferguson, L. A., Dicker, E. E., Denny, B. T., & Leal, S. L. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107824.

Representations of tactile object location in the retrosplenial cortex. Lande, A. S., Garvert, A. C., Ebbesen, N. C., Jordbræk, S. V., & Vervaeke, K. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4599-4610.e7.

Informational feedback accelerates learning in multi-alternative perceptual judgements of orientation. Liu, J., Lu, Z.-L., & Dosher, B. (2023). Vision Research, 213, 108318.

History information emerges in the cortex during learning. Marmor, O., Pollak, Y., Doron, C., Helmchen, F., & Gilad, A. (2023). eLife, 12, e83702.

Mega-scale movie-fields in the mouse visuo-hippocampal network. Purandare, C., & Mehta, M. (2023). eLife, 12, e85069.3.

Theta-band phase locking during encoding leads to coordinated entorhinal-hippocampal replay. Santos-Pata, D., Barry, C., & Ólafsdóttir, H. F. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4570-4581.e5.

Using multi-modal neuroimaging to characterise social brain specialisation in infants. Siddiqui, M., Pinti, P., Brigadoi, S., Lloyd-Fox, S., Elwell, C. E., Johnson, M. H., … Jones, E. J. (2023). eLife, 12, e84122.

Non-invasive temporal interference electrical stimulation of the human hippocampus. Violante, I. R., Alania, K., Cassarà, A. M., Neufeld, E., Acerbo, E., Carron, R., … Grossman, N. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(11), 1994–2004.

Information search processing affects social decisions. Wei, Z., Liang, Y., Liang, C., & Liu, H. (2023). Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, 36(5), e2352.

Noninvasive theta-burst stimulation of the human striatum enhances striatal activity and motor skill learning. Wessel, M. J., Beanato, E., Popa, T., Windel, F., Vassiliadis, P., Menoud, P., … Hummel, F. C. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(11), 2005–2016.

The locus coeruleus directs sensory-motor reflex amplitude across environmental contexts. Witts, E. C., Mathews, M. A., & Murray, A. J. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4679-4688.e3.

[toadlyturtle]

I want you to imagine something. An elderly woman with dementia, her disabled daughter and their emotional support bun, evicted from their home and sharing a bed in a hotel room for nearly a year. Each week, the daughter spends fighting to keep mom and ESA safe and each week, less and less support comes in. Two hurricanes later, in October, a state law was passed, making it illegal to be without shelter. Allowing for arrest for those without. Then, following election day, support began to taper. It got better later in November and then largely stopped, since then.

Now I want to state that the world was ripe with danger far before the recent political changes. But those have led to increased dangers of frozen water people meandering about and increases in people feeling empowered to put their prejudices into action. Sabi's been going without adequate sleep and food for months, while continuing to be her family's sole 24/7 caretaker. Please when you consider this disabled Indigenous Latina family, consider these things. Please help get this seen and if you can, seen beyond here. And if you're able, help provide for getting these needs met.

Thank you

$1604 needed by 02/11/2025 11AM ET

https://Ko-fi.com/SabiLewSounds

https://PayPal.me/SabiLewSounds

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 1)

LET THIS BE CLEAR THAT THIS BLOG ALSO SERVE TO ME AS A GODAMN PRIVATE JOURNAL THAT ISNT PRIVATE BECAUSE I HAVE A VALIDATION AND SELF CONFIDANCE ISSUE. are we good ? 99% of the people who could read this already skipped ? fine. lets start on a good news! @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends (who has a dumb discord name NO I WILL NEVER STOP SAYING IT (unless you like, tell me that you dont like this running gag, and if so i'll stop imediately bud)) and @plaindangan (da plain! they are so cool) but i just got out FINNALY of a very toxic relation on the cowede side of my life! that had been going on for what... 3 years now ? basically that person is russian (the cliches are stable) and has psychological issue (probably dementia, but like, i don't have dementia and i forget stuff constantly and before i begin sounding like an horrible person i swear that russian had dementia precisely when they needed too seemingly, just now i remembered i must kobeni @plaindangan will get it) and the thing is... they asked for a LOT and I mean a LOT, and when they actually put some godamn effort they were great, and of course at first in our relation they did put ton of effort, were proactive in ideas and tried different super cool stuff, like actually talking in code when playing a robot character, they also gave me lots of cool ideas and experimentations about erp that i very much enjoyed and brought to other places with... mostly failure than success ? but hey. So whats the issue ? picture this. you start a rp, and you have to play 8 different character in one action. then in the very next action you must make, you must replay them all but instantly corrupted and now cucking their boyfriends and slobering other that person cock. At some point they ask you to add 4 more character because "its not enough". do you get a please ? a thank you ? nope. ah maybe a matching response in term of words and quality ? nope. the person (lets call them X from now on, should have do it earlier but the problem is I write like i talk and i talk like a very very bad comedian) will start talking in the first person, completely not only forget but factually they dont care about what the rp is about, setting, characters, even the characters the other play, its just them and the others, but also the answers are super short, almost on the level of a "i fuck them, continue" . Oh at the very least you can say theyll get bored of it once they have it and we can move on to something else, maybe be back to creative teasefull stuff since they are actually great at this writing wise. NOPE, theyll freeze the rp for weeks, if you try to ask them if we could continue they say "i dont feel like it" and whenever too much time pass surprisingly its your fault now. so you do what ? you create another rp start with X, hoping this time maybe we'll get each other better. it shouldnt be too much of a problem for me ? those who know me conscerning rp know that I kinda have... an obsession with beginings ? like i actively want to do long term, but after some time my brain freeze and i dont know what to write anymore.. and of course my stupid brain get other ideas about other characters, that i pitch to my partner (once again @plaindangan and especially @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends the goats suffered from this) and we end up starting this other pitch. (part 1 over)

[ladyjaneasherr]

May 11 1968. Stunning Jane Asher as a braids maid for the wedding of Joan and Stuart. Joan was Jane’s friend and an actress as well. From Daily Mail.

📸: Philip Ide

Daily Mail article posted of October 1st, 2011.

I don’t feel guilty - I like to think that I carried her to the other side: Yorkie Bar actor says he was saved by Jane Asher over wife's 'mercy killing'

Stuart Mungall sat in the almost empty auditorium of the Royal Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh and waited for the play to begin. It was late 1967, he had just joined a small theatre company in Scotland and had been asked if he’d like to watch rehearsals for A Christmas Carol.

‘A young woman came on stage,’ he recalls. ‘From the first second, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She had such a magic quality and aura.

I was totally hooked. It was love at first sight.’

The young woman was Joan Morrow, then 27. And to 28-year-old Stuart’s delight, she was cast alongside him in the company’s next production, Toad Of Toad Hall. ‘I was Weasel and she played Lucy Rabbit,’ he recalls with a laugh.

After a whirlwind courtship, the couple were married on May 11, 1968, with Joan’s close friend and successful young actress Jane Asher, then also famous as Paul McCartney’s girlfriend, as bridesmaid.

Last week – 42 years later – a letter pleading for clemency from Asher to an Old Bailey judge was instrumental in preventing Stuart, now 72, spending the rest of his life in prison after he admitted the manslaughter of his wife.

The court heard that Stuart, who starred in a series of cult adverts for Yorkie chocolate bars, smothered his beloved, terminally ill wife with a pillow after watching her deteriorate both mentally and physically for six years.

The recorder of London, Judge Peter Beaumont, recognised his devotion after reading Asher’s letter, and handed down a 12-month sentence suspended for two years.

When we meet at the one-bedroom rented flat in Tooting, South London, that was their marital home, Stuart has just returned from what will be a weekly trip to his probation officer as part of his bail conditions. He also has to see a psychiatrist regularly.

‘The psychiatrist is a good chap,’ he says, lighting the first of several cigarettes. ‘But at the moment we are still tiptoeing round that fateful day.’ His weathered face crumples, his eyes fill with tears and for a while he is unable to speak.

Stuart is reluctant to be seen as a champion of euthanasia, assisted suicide or, indeed, anything else. But it is clear that his case and the suspended sentence passed down at the Old Bailey are a significant development in one of the major ethical controversies of our time.

‘People have asked me if I thought about the consequences of my actions,’ he says when he recovers his composure. ‘Of course I didn’t. I don’t have a philosophy based on what happened. I don’t belong to any pro-euthanasia groups. Nor would I presume to say what I did is a good thing. What I do know is that I didn’t want her to have an undignified death.’

Joan, who was 69 when she died, had Pick’s disease – a rare form of dementia similar to Alzheimer’s – and polymyalgia rheumatica, a debilitating condition that causes pain, stiffness and tenderness in the muscles supporting the neck, shoulders, hips and thighs.

‘She was confused, in terrible pain and could hardly move and was asking me to kill her almost every day.

‘Not in those exact words, but she’d shout, “Shoot me. Get me out of this.” My response, especially when her mind got bad, was to divert her attention. I’d say, “There is a great programme I want to watch on the television today. Let’s do it tomorrow.” But in a couple as close as we were, you don’t have to ask for what you want. Joan and I knew instinctively what the other was thinking.

‘And that morning I could tell by the way she looked at me that she had absolutely had enough.

‘When it happened, she didn’t struggle and the autopsy report, to my great relief, stated there was no sign of trauma in her body.’

He pauses. ‘It is a consolation. We had agreed when we were young that we wanted to go together and I certainly felt there was no point ¬living without her.

‘So after she had died, I went into the kitchen and took handfuls of her very strong painkillers which I swallowed with a bottle of brandy.

‘After a few minutes I suddenly remembered our cat and knew Joan wouldn’t have wanted it to be abandoned, so I rang a neighbour, a psychiatrist, and explained what I had done. He came round and called an ambulance and the police.

‘I was taken to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, where my stomach was pumped, and then transferred to a mental hospital in Sutton and then to Belmarsh high-security prison where I stayed for four months.’

Stuart and I are talking in the kitchen of his flat. Over one door is a wooden block with painted words that read: ‘I love you.’ Along one wall is a Welsh dresser with several sunshine-yellow goblets – their wedding present from Asher.

He is obviously very vulnerable, one minute talking with dramatic gestures and an impeccable accent as if on stage, the next doubling over with grief and unable to speak as tears course down his face.

On the face of it, Stuart and Joan should have had little in common. The son of a garage owner, he was born into a happy and comfortable home in 1939 in north-east Scotland and was inspired to become an actor in 1955. ‘James Dean had just died in a car crash and I thought I could take over,’ he laughs. ‘So did about 700,000 other young men. I was so naive.

‘Joan was a brilliant actress. Much better than me. She just lacked the killer instinct to go far.’

Joan was born in Australia in 1941. Her mother died when she was four and her father married again, but she didn’t get on with her difficult stepmother. She was 23 when she came to England to seek a better life. She passed an audition for the Bristol Old Vic theatre company and met another jobbing actress taken on at £7 a week – Jane Asher.

The two women became inseparable when the company went on a six-month world tour that included performing on Broadway in New York.

‘They really clicked as friends,’ ¬Stuart recalls. ‘At the time, Jane was the long-time girlfriend of Paul McCartney. But when they met, Joan was newly arrived from Australia and had never heard of The Beatles.’

After leaving the Bristol Old Vic in the Sixties, Joan moved to Scotland and the small theatre company that rehearsed that day in Edinburgh – and later fell in love with Stuart.

Just before their marriage, Stuart told her his secret.

‘Before I met her I had had a relationship with another actress who had become pregnant. Our relationship didn’t work out and the baby girl had been adopted. Joan took it very well.’

After their quiet marriage at a ¬register office, they lived for a year in Asher’s family home in Central London. ‘We paid only ten shillings a week rent,’ Stuart says. ‘We then rented a one-bedroom flat in Tooting where we stayed throughout our married life. It never became too small as we didn’t have children. They just didn’t happen.

‘We never had much money, but after my fee for being in the Yorkie Bar advert, we managed to buy a tiny stone cottage in the Midi district of France and went there whenever we could. We weren’t bothered about the precariousness of the acting world. If we needed money, we’d get a different type of job. At one time, Joan sold cigarettes in Woolworths and I was a lorry driver.

‘We used to work all round the country. We performed together in Lock Up Your Daughters in Newcastle, for example, and I directed a play in Cheltenham and later did some TV including The Bill and Dr Finlay’s Casebook.’

Then, 25 years ago and completely out of the blue, Stuart was contacted by the mother of his child to say his daughter had traced her and wanted to meet her father. ‘We met for a drink. She was 19. We got on really well and over time got to really love each other. She is now married with two children. Luckily Joan and my daughter clicked too.’

Joan had by then decided she was fed up with acting and wanted to do something with plants and gardens, so they sold their house in France and used the money to buy a garden centre in South London. ‘She loved it but it was very hard work so I joined her as a partner and we worked together. We called it The Independent Republic of Patio. ¬People used to come in and sit and feel at peace. It was heaven for us.’

Stuart sold it a month before Joan died.

The first sign that Joan was not well came six years ago when she kept losing her balance. Stuart says: ‘A few months later she suddenly screamed for me. I rushed into the hall and found her about to keel over. Luckily I caught her. ’

She was taken to St George’s Hospital in Tooting and was originally diagnosed with a heart attack, then a stroke. ‘Eventually a French doctor said she thought it was corticobasal degeneration – a degeneration of the middle part of the brain. Joan was also displaying some symptoms of Parkinson’s.

‘Her old friend Jane, who is president of Parkinson’s UK, recommended a professor at The National Hospital for Neurology in London. Joan went in a week at a time for tests and was eventually diagnosed with Pick’s disease, which, as the French doctor predicted, would only be confirmed after she died.

‘I then became her full-time carer. I did all the cooking, washed her and did her hair and all the intimate things, which was OK for me but undignified for her. Social services used to come round but we both hated it, especially when some of them patronisingly called her ‘‘sweet pea’’. We were a very independent couple.’

Stuart rarely left her side. ‘I only went out to rush to Waitrose, or occasionally for an hour or so to do some watercolour painting in my shed in the garden. I rigged up a bell so she could ring if she needed me.

‘Physically she was so stiff and in such pain in the end that she could move only one hand slightly. Even holding a fork became impossible and she often couldn’t get to the commode in time. She deteriorated mentally too.

‘Then, last autumn, the doctor told me she had three months at best to live. Part of me knew she would eventually have to go into a hospice and be fed by tube, but neither of us wanted that. I knew they would look after her but they wouldn’t love her like I did and I didn’t want anyone else to care for her. ’

He remembers little about the days after Joan’s death. ‘The first thing I remember is being charged with murder in Sutton police station. At the time I didn’t know what they were talking about.’

He was kept in a police cell for two nights and then remanded to Belmarsh Prison where, at first, he was terrified.

‘There were three of us in a two-man cell. They were probably murderers but then that is what they called me.’

He organised Joan’s humanist funeral on February 18 this year from prison but was refused permission to go. Jane Asher spoke at the funeral. She said: ‘I have never seen two ¬people more entirely and devotedly in love . . . anyone could see they were a couple who would be together as long as fate would allow. ’

Joan’s ashes are now in a terracotta urn in Stuart’s living room.

He says: ‘I don’t regret what I did to Joan but I am sorry I didn’t succeed in killing myself, because it was our deal to go together.

‘She wasn’t like anyone else. I adored her but I don’t feel guilty. We both loved a Celtic ballad that had the lines “Oh that I could find me a handsome boatman to carry me over to my love and die.” ’

And he adds: ‘I like to think that I carried her to the other side.’

[the-east-art]

My other grandpa died this year. The relationship with him is in stark contrast with my other grandpa. I grew up with him and learned of his flaws as a person. He always did what he believed was good, but that does not mean his actions were always good. But he was loving. One of the aspects of his passing that haunts me the most is his paintings. My grandpa, at the end, was caring for his wife with failing memory, slowly being overtaken by dementia. It was surely a stressful job, living in the middle of nowhere as he stubbornly did. Once participating in many different communities, especially political ones, he tragically burned many bridges with his hereditary temper and withdrew more and more from society. It was hard not to be afraid of him in some ways, as my politics developed to be progressively more opposing to his. It was easy to stop thinking of him almost as a person. But as we gathered at his house for the funeral, in the basement I found easels and paints and paintings in progress. None were good. Many were imitations of things that seemed good, of cliches. But also many were genuine - the attempt to paint photos of his grandchildren, of his wife. It was genuine and honest in the way that only unskilled artists can be. And it spoke of a desire to fulfill himself in a new way, through art. To find a way to be at peace perhaps with his soul in a way art brings to oneself. He used to paint when he was younger, but stopped at some point. The haunting feeling of the unfinished paintings stays with me, brings me a kind of permanent sorrow. It speaks of a side of him I let myself ignore and be blind to. Rather than attempt to find and harvest.

At the end, as Covid complications claimed him, as his lungs gave out (so filled with liquid and other miasma that they showed up as white on X-rays) he asked my mom if this was the end, in a fearful and sad tone. And the turned to my father before they left, and excitedly told him that he had bought them both new rockhounding tools to go and try to find more fossils in the desert, as they had a few weeks ago.

I miss him also in a way that only a grandchild can, but opposite of my other grandfather. Instead of sorrow at the time we never had, I had sorrow for the time we did and I how I wasted it and let bitterness, fear, complacency still my hands and my words.

[tcfkag]

2024 and the Return of the To-Done List

So, after a year during which (a) our daughter ran full-speed (literally) into the trying two's, (b) I had multi-focal pneumonia that resulted in a week or two in the hospital (including a brief sojourn in the ICU), (c) I had bizarre, seemingly inexplicable seizures for the first time ever [which meant I couldn't drive for six months...right after we moved to a semi-"rural" town...for the northeast that is], (d) had an acute kidney injury, (e) had several bouts of unexplained pitting edema in my legs, (f) started a new job that I actually really like, even if there is a steep learning curve, and (g) lost my Mom after a long battle with mild to moderate dementia/Alzheimer's that then dropped off a cliff into end-stage dementia in less than six months (depending on how you count it), and (h) just generally felt like I was never managing my physical or mental health as well as I could or should be, I'm going to try to make some changes. These aren't resolutions because I truly think that New Year's resolutions just set you up to fail. Instead, I'd call them goals. Or, at least, hope that I want to support with action as much as I can. While still giving myself grace knowing that I can and probably will mess up along the way. But, the first step is that I'm going to try to bring back a kind of journaling-like activity (since I suck at journaling) that my old therapist recommended when I was feeling like this before. Each day I make a list, generally on Tumblr for at least a tiny modicum of peer pressure, and I just make a list of everything I've done that day. No matter how big or how small. As she put it "make it your base assumption that each day, you will do absolutely nothing, so you get credit for everything, even things as simple as showering. I frequently restart these lists when my depression and anxiety have gotten bad enough that I know I'm not taking care of myself, mentally and physically, so a big part of my goals are (a) to move more [in whatever form that takes], (b) eating healthier, and (c) to take care of several medical/dental appointments that I've been putting off for way too long. The beauty of the list is that, a lot of the time, I ended up doing stuff BECAUSE of the list. So that I won't be staring at an empty page as I try to make my list each year.

Things I'm proud of today...so far:

when we took Peanut to the trampoline park to burn off some of her "no daycare today suckers" energy and this time, I bought a jump pass for myself. I only made it ~30 minutes but it was a great work-out. 10/10 would recommend.

I took the dogs for the "long" trail walk out to the back of our property,

I did a core and flexibility routine this morning,

I decided to take one for the team and point out to my Uncle that the nostalgia he feels about Aunt Jemimah as a syrup mascot isn't as important as the company making money off the likeness of a woman who died 100 years ago who was used as a stand in for the generic idea of what an enslaved (or recently freed) Black woman did or should do, and (finally)

this one is a few days late, but not only did we drive 12+ hours to visit my in-laws for Christmas, but we also stopped in NJ in both directions to pick up Monotasker's Aunt who is 80-years-old, hard of hearing, and in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's and I didn't even lose my shit at a single person...even the ones who deserved it.

Happy New Years everyone!

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows." (Jason Mraz) And even if the worst of your todays are the best of your tomorrows, I hope you can still find your way out and through by the light of the moon to guide you.

[crescentrivers]

I had a dream involving Hatchetfield. I was watching a let’s play of a video game that took place in Hatchetfield. I think it was a fan game and not official. The youtube channel I saw it on was either ManlyBadassHero or a YouTuber that was made up for the dream.

It was a visual novel, probably a horror game, I don’t remember seeing anything scary in the dream but reasonably I think it was a horror game. The art style looked kind of like the art style for the game dead plate but also some parts of it looked like my art style and some parts of it looked live action (dream inconsistencies I guess) I mostly remember parts looking like dead plate though. The main character was a teenager (older highschooler?) who I think was a girl. She was pale and had short light brown hair (not super short but above the shoulders) and I think her eyes were blue. I don’t remember her name (I don’t think the dream even gave her one) but she definitely wasn’t a canon Hatchetfield character.

My memory of the actual plot is very bad I don’t think the dream itself even showed much of it but here it goes: (under the cut)

So I think the game took place on Thanksgiving or around thanksgiving break, no it didn’t involve Wiggly that would make too much sense. Instead it started with the main character and her family summoning Pokey for whatever reason. I’m not sure what was going on or how the MC felt about this but I don’t think she was a cultist, she might not have been fully into this plan.

So the MC’s family wasn’t super wealthy, I think they were poor or struggling or something. (This might’ve been the motivations for the summoning thing but really idk) I think the family was also dysfunctional or neglectful considering at some point (I think multiple times actually) the parents just left the MC at home while they went to go eat dinner somewhere leaving the MC to make or get her own food. (I think some other stuff happened that made the relationship seem bad aswell) When they were gone MC would talk to Pokey (who was still there, for some reason) and he might’ve helped her with the entire needing to get food cause her parents left thing.

This wasn’t like- part of the deal or the reason he was summoned, if anything MC was talking to him secretly and her parents didn’t know. (Dreams have inconsistent weird plot holes what do you want from me)

I wish I could tell you what happened after this point but I have no idea what the actual story was supposed to be. Just the main character interacting with Pokey and her family and I’m guessing there’d be different endings/routes depending on what you did in those interactions

Also this is unrelated but I had a different dream a few weeks ago where Wiggly was there and my grandma got diagnosed with dementia, those two events were not related at all they just happened in the same dream. I have no idea what Wiggly was even doing (I have a very vague memory that might’ve involved him being in a commercial or being filmed for something but idk also I don’t think he was acting super evil he was kind of just there before leaving and then the dementia plotline happened)

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Superman #16 - Ahhh great to have Campbell back on art, even if it is for a tie-in. Zatanna showing she's no slouch in the fisticuffs department was cool. Lois showing up in power armor to kick ass reminded me of when she donned the Hellbat suit. Given Doomsday is going to be the next arc after this, I don't think it's a coincidence that Superman has to confront his own death to traverse the Dark Roads. Smart way of tying into the event and setting up the next arc.

World's Finest #29 - Solid ending. Wasn't expecting to enjoy a 5D imp arc as much as I did. The "twist" that Bat-Mite is the 5D version of Superman was funny and I did not see that coming. Waid writes a great Zatanna, seeing her flirt mid fight made me smile, would enjoy reading a Zee mini from him. One thing that stuck out to me is that in the teases for Absolute Power, while they were pulling the 6D out of the imp, we saw Batman Beyond. Is Terry making an appearance? I don't know how he would fit in.

Wonder Woman #11 - Spectacularly bad, almost a perfect inverse of Williamson. Completely contradicts how the JLD is taken down in Absolute Power itself, is a jarring change of tone and focus compared to the Sovereign plot, and King can't write Billy to save his life. Rather than being clever or relevant, King's use of Dickens here for Paradise Lost feels like word padding. Afraid this might end up killing sales for the run if the next two issues aren't dramatic improvements.

Green Lantern: WJ #11 - Amazing. John's architect background and soldier background are crucial to how he overpowers Olgrun and how the Ellie shard finds the strength to confront Starshroud. Part where Shirley says sometimes she pretends to be happy in hopes of making John happy made me tear up, exactly the kind of thing my grandma who had dementia would say. Montos is one of the best GL artists ever, his spread of John reimprisoning Olgrun blew me away. Kills me that we're not going to see a longer run from this creative team. Also for those of us who have been following PKJ since Action, it's nice to finally find out who Byla is.

Incredible Hulk #14 - Finally some progress on the Eldest plotline. Alright PKJ let's see what you've got. My God that Hulkscape art by Klein is phenomenal, truly the stuff of nightmares.