#dementia action week

[sweetnans]

Stuck in the moment || Bakugo, K. (pt.3)

Pairing: fuckboy Bakugo/hopelessly romantic fem. reader

Trope: Enemies/friends to lovers.

summary: You made a mistake, a huge mistake. You fucked the most cocky, annoying, bastard, fuckboy you knew. Bakugo Katsuki. And that fact was against all your beliefs. Now, after the rumor (truth) spread like a pandemic virus in college you'll have to live with the stormy consequences of your acts and whatever trash was brought with it.

a/c: Hey, it's me again. Here we are in a new series I plan to continue. I really hope you enjoy it. I put my favorite man in action (bakugo) being a selfish bastard that you would love eventually and I couldn't help to put another "trope" I'm a sucker for (guardian/father figure Aizawa) I'm so sorry if that bothers you. Once again, I'm sorry if I misspelled something, English is not my first language. (Not proofread yet)

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.4 ♡

m.list

As the week passed, everything seemed quiet about the gossip you starred. Everyone knew and you knew that your act was in everyone's tongue. People's audacity sometimes surprised you, some girls came to you in the middle of lunch to ask you about it and even when you mastered faking dementia they were sarcastic about it saying to you "Yeah right" like you were lying, well, you were but, they had the guts to doubt you in front of your face.

By Thursday it was a forgotten fact. Some junior kid went straight to one of the teachers changing his suit in the changing room and, that was the bomb that dethroned you.

You were finally relieved and breathing easy through the day. The stares weren't aiming at you and Bakugo wasn't in your sight even. It was like he was banished from existence right after you left him hanging in the cafeteria.

You couldn't be more glad.

Friday, almost in the middle of the day, you made your way to the common bathrooms, and to your luck, there wasn't anyone there. You didn't have to make a line to shower or to brush your teeth, it was like all the girls from your building were conspiring about missing class. You couldn't blame them, If it wasn't for Aizawa's class, you would be skipping class too. You surely didn't realize that the fact that the bathroom was empty was only because it was almost noon.

Jirou wasn't in your training class, the group was large enough to put all of you in one class so they made sections with a limited amount of students per class to use the facilities without any capacity problem.

Luckily, Denki was with you.

Once you got into the class, you were almost struck by the invisible line dividing two sections of the class. There were people you knew who weren't in your class sitting on the left of the room while all your classmates were on the right. It felt weird, seeing Denki and Sero sitting so quietly, the absence of the obnoxious noise before Aizawa came and everyone shut up. You were about to make a joke about it when a big hand gripped your shoulder.

"You're on the right," Vlad said guiding yourself towards an empty seat, in between Sero and Denki who were sitting behind you, and Kendo who was sitting in front.

You were dumbfounded. Where was Aizawa? Why was he mixing classes?

Kendo was in the empty seat in front of you. Why were you sitting alone? You were eager to change seats and sit beside Kendo but Vlad looked like he had everything planned, including the scheme of the class.

"What's going on?" you asked your friends behind you and they only shook their heads with the same look at you.

"We were expecting you'd know" Sero shrugged with a worried look on his face.

You bit the inside of your cheek and grabbed your phone to text Aizawa. Was he okay? Was he hurt? He had never missed a class.

"Kendo, do you know what's happening?" You tapped the shoulder of the girl, and she leaned slightly over your seat.

"Aizawa called a day off at the last minute so now Vlad is here taking sensei's class but mixing it up with his own class" she whispered to your side.

"Why is he dividing us?" Denki asked joining the conversation.

"I think he is putting his class on the left side and-

Kendo interrupted herself when Vlad positioned Iida, one of the students of Aizawa's class on the left side.

"Okay, nevermind"

Shota: I'll be out of town for the weekend. See you on Sunday.

Always so talkative.

Shota: Feed the cat while I'm gone. Eri is with me.

Thank god he elaborated a bit.

You were clutching your phone in your hand, looking and trying to decipher why Vlad was putting you and your classmates on different sides of the room.

You: Vlad has this entire map of the class, and he is putting us strategically dividing us into sides. Do you know something about this?

You tapped the send button and waited patiently while the three dots appeared on the screen. He was typing.

"Bakugo, over there. Right there in the empty seat, " Vlad said out loud, making all the students turn their heads to your figure.

Why? Exactly, you guessed. The only empty seat was by your side.

Bakugo glanced at you like you were a minuscule bug in the middle of his way, ready to step on it. He gruffed and walked lazily to the seat where he dropped his gigantic backpack.

He didn't even say hello or something sarcastic like you expected. He was almost as annoyed as you with the change of plans.

Shota; No idea. The cat eats only two cups of food per day, one in the morning and the other by dawn.

That was so dad behavior.

You could hear how Denki was moving on his seat uncomfortably, probably waiting for you two to start bickering like the other day, but you were in zen mode, looking forward to knowing what was the maniac idea that Vlad had on his mind.

"I separated the group in two, we have body combat quirks here on the left and combat from afar here on the right. In pairs, you're going to improve your quirks against people with similar quirks. This mode of training will open your mind because it is one thing to know how to control your own quirk, but it's a different thing to control a similar type of quirk when it's against yourself. Understood? See you in the field"

Lord have mercy.

"Your pair is the one that's sitting by your side. I'll be rotating people from the same side when I see you've excelled"

The last announcement before everyone took their shit and started their way to the battleground had you stuck like glue on your seat. Your streak of not seeing Bakugo all week ended up gracefully having you to prove yourself against him. You could almost feel the burns and the bruises you would have on your skin after trying and failing to dodge him. There was not enough amount of training that would prevent you from ending up on recovery girl.

The class went by exactly how you expected. He was tearing you up into pieces. Every chance he had to blow you up, he used it wisely. From time to time, you had your chances too of using your quirk as fuel, making his own explosion turn against him, popping him out like a firecracker.

"What the fuck was that?" He was fuming, figuratively and literally.

You had the opportunity to bathe him in your dust while he was so busy being cocky with his quirk that he didn't realize the little sprinkles on his suit until it was too late.

"What? This is training class, right? Aren't we supposed to be combating?" You downplayed your move, but he wasn't taking it. "Oh, is it too much for you?

Of course, you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

He stomped big steps with his ginormous legs until he was in front of your small figure. It was amusing seeing the difference between both of your heights. He was at least one and a half head taller than you, and his broad shoulders and back were at least three times your body. You felt petite and scared when his shadow engulfed your own.

"Watch it, princess. If you play with fire, you might get burnt, " he said with his jaw tight, his muscles showing the fine line that demarcated his face.

"Fire? Your quirk is about explosions. I wouldn't grab a fucking ticking bomb even if they paid me" you smart-talked back glaring at him like he wasn't about to throw you out the atmosphere.

"Hey, knock it off," the red-haired friend of Bakugo yelled from the other side.

You looked at him, but he wasn't aiming his accusing eyes at you. He was looking at his friend, who had both hands clacking with tiny explosions at the side of his body. A subtle threat for you.

"Times up! Change partners!" Vlad blew a whistle in the exact moment to stop the chaos.

Fortunately, you ended up with Denki, who gave you enough time to crack your back and rub some of the bruises that Bakugo left on your body. Great, It took you three days to erase the hickeys and now you had an excessive amount of purple bruises to constantly remind you that he had another chance to mark your skin.

After the class that took a couple of hours away from your life, you carried your ass to take a hot shower. Since the class ended a little later than usual, the sun was actually setting when you walked out of the changing rooms.

You checked your phone before deciding on what to do. You didn't have many choices, to be honest, maybe lay down for the night and watch a sappy romantic comedy, the one you would die to live.

Jirou: I know you said no more parties, but they are throwing a big one that we can't miss just a few blocks away, Denki can get us in. Pretty pretty, please.

Jirou: Fuck it, I don't care what you say we are going anyway.

Your fate was already set.

Shota: Don't forget the cat.

And you had to feed the cat.

The walk to the teacher's building wasn't odd to you. Some students found it like a forbidden path to walk on, but it seemed very familiar to you. Many times, sometimes many times a day, you walk through it, fetching something for Aizawa, like his bento that he constantly forgets, or taking Eri for a shopping spree or a quick walk to the park and of course your family reunion on Sunday. It wasn't weird for you to be there and It wasn't weird for the other teachers seeing you there.

You said quick "hello's" to the janitor and went straight to accomplish your mission.

Aizawa's cat was a cranky little bitch who only found comfort in Eri, who loved the cat, and Aizawa who rescued it. You weren't interested in gaining the cat's affection, but secretly, you were more than willing to take it as a challenge. You were going to make the cat love you.

After a few scratches and bites, you were on the floor feeding the cat and scratching her head in return. The cat purred under your touch, and your ego felt the boost, and because you needed to show off your new accomplishment, you sent a video of her to Aizawa.

Shota; Cute. There's band-aids in the bathroom cabinet. Those scratches look deep.

He was a sucker for his cat, and he spoiled her so much that the cat wasn't able to eat alone. You tried to stand up twice, but the cat started growling right away. After she was full, she jumped to the couch and snuggled up until she fell asleep. You couldn't believe the behavior of the cat and how Aizawa was okay with that.

After tidying up the place a little, rearranging Eri's clothes and cleaning up her room, you decided that you needed to go to your own room and get dressed up for the night.

You weren't going to drink.

You weren't going to make out with anyone.

And if Bakugo was there, you weren't going to be near him.

That was settled.

You opened the door to get on the hallway when a loud sound startled you.

"Jeez, watch out" the voice of the person you almost knocked with the door seemed very familiar. "What are you doing here?" Bakugo said glaring at you like he was seeing the most disgusting thing on earth.

"What are you doing here?" You attacked back, crossing your arms on top of your chest after closing the door behind you.

"You know this is sensei's apartment, right? He stated matter of factly.

"Yeah, I know." You rolled your eyes at him while he squinted his.

"So what are you doing here?" He was fast throwing questions and playing like he was a fucking cop. He quirked a brow, and you could swear you heard how he tapped his feet against the floor.

"Chill out, I'm just feeding the cat while he's gone." You did a quick glance towards the door and tried to dodge him and his stupid question. You weren't giving him your time again, not after you had burning marks and bruises all over your destroyed body because of him.

"Why you?" He followed you again and grabbed your arm firmly to make you stay put.

"Why me what?"

You were tired of him trying to talk to you like you were some sort of frenemies, you didn't even know him until a week ago. Yeah, you said things about his dick and the rumor spread like malaria, so what? You got over the fact that every student and teacher knew about your fling with him. He needed to get over it as well.

"Why did he ask you and not fucking Deku or Iida?" He asked.

Oh, he was analyzing the shit. Bakugo tried so hard to play subtle, but he needed to know everything that got under his nose and over his head.

"Uhm, I don't know, let me think... because he is my guardian, perhaps?" You dripped sarcasm all over the floor, but he looked actually impressed.

"No shit, Aizawa sensei is your fucking guardian?"

Fortunately, his jaw was attached to his face.

"Yeah, like you didn't know." You rolled your eyes and shook off his hand that were still attached to your arm.

"I fucking didn't! For fuck sake I fucked sensei's daughter" he exclaimed panicking. Well, Bakugo, tall figure, broad shoulders, muscled back, the man himself, didn't panicked like the other mortals, he panicked like a god, forget the wrinkles around his face, forget eyes wide open, he panicked like the meme of spongebob where a lot of spongebobs are running from fire, that happened in his mind while his face remained stoic.

"I'm not his daughter, and please get over it." You pressed your palm in your face and prayed to dissappear.

"But he adopted you, right?" You nodded. "Then he's legally your pops"

He had a point, and even when you and Aizawa implicitly established that you weren't going to call him dad, legally and in the eyes of the law, he was your dad.

"Your thick skull just can't get it, right?" You pinched the bridge of your nose and remembered where you were standing. Outside all the teachers' doors. "Then yeah, something like that"

"Shit." He looked like he was shitting himself from the news. You couldn't believe that something like that slipped through his fingers. He couldn't believe it either. He was friends with Mina for fuck sake, the real gossiper of the entire place.

"You haven't answered my question. What are you-" you tried again.

He was standing right in front of Aizawa's door on a Friday afternoon. Students knew the unspoken codes, no one would dare to look for a teacher in his own apartment, that's what offices are for.

"How about none of your fucking business, princess" he scoffed like he owned the world.

That's it. Your civilized conversation reached its final point.

"You are a pain in the ass." You showed him your middle finger, and the sleeve of your sweater dropped low in your arm, letting the cool breeze kiss the marks the cat left on you.

"What are those scratches?" He grabbed your arm again, but this time carefully. The pads of his fingers carresing the untended wound. "Was it me? They seem hurtful"

The cocky bastard knew damn well how to fucking pretend. He actually looked concerned, and the fact that he asked you if it was his fault made you spiral in your own turnmoil.

"Aizawa's cat," you murmured, trying to focus on anything but his touch. Vietnam flashbacks of that night came like a hurricane to your brain.

"Yeah, of course he has a cat," he grunted like it was obvious. That made you laugh a little, and he was fast enough to look at yourself with a giant question mark all over his face.

"Why are you so unimpressed by the fact that he has a cat, but you seemed shocked as hell when I told you he's my guardian? Is it okay for him to have a cat but not a kid?

The subtle way of your voice coming to his system made him realize that he was holding you close and that he felt okay with that, so he completely pivoted it physically and verbally.

"First of all gross, I didn't fuck any kid, you are grown ass woman" he let go of your arm and pushed his hands inside of the pockets of his jogger.

A fucking grey jogger you wouldn't have realized he was wearing if he didn't made that movement.

"Can you not-" You looked away for two reasons. One, the embarrassment again, and two, your hormones betraying you again.

He seemed like he had a fixation with your fling mentioning it like he was a broken record.

"Second of all, he barely looks like he can take care of himself, let alone a...you," he said. "Besides, I bet that cat behaves better than you"

"You're so annoying"

"I never wondered about you before, I thought that your existence was a product of spontaneous generation," he shrugged, and before you could leave, he asked. "Are you coming today?"

The party. The question caught you off guard, like you knew there was a party thanks to Jirou, but you never thought that he would address the fact and much less to you.

"What?" Faking dementia your best friend. There was one thing going and expected to see him there and going and actually seeing him there. And now that you knew that he would, in fact, be there, you weren't so eager to show up. You could fake a cold, just as you fake dementia sometimes.

"I said coming, not cumming"

You sprinted to put your hand on his mouth. The teachers could be within the reach of an arm listening to your very casual conversation with him, and he chose to slip away those kinds of things like it was nothing.

"Shut the fuck up," you murmured and pushed him until you were outside the building. You completely ignored the janitor's look. "I heard you very well"

"So, are you or not?" The damn idiot was smiling under your hand but when you took it off he had the same fine line as lips as always.

"I don't know, why do you care" you looked beside him, watching all the students go home or go to parties made you realize that you were late to meet Jirou.

"I don't" he shook his head and looked behind his back following your stare.

Bakugo didn't know what was happening in your head, the gears running and turning to make yourself disappear and reappear in your room to change your clothes real quick with a pissed Jirou talking your ear off about messing with people's time. He instead fixed your staring line with the first person that came to his sight, following your eyes and stopping in the one and only Todoroki.

He felt something hot bubbling inside his body like it was boiling in the pit of his stomach. Without noticing, his brows dropped low in a confused state, and he stared back at you. You seemed like you couldn't take your eyes off of him, and Todoroki was, in fact, staring back.

Were you two friends? He'd never seen you with him before. Was this new? Why was it bothering him anyway?

You blushed and looked at him again, shaking your head and leaving him feeling emotions he had never had before.

Damn half n' half, always trying to take away what's his.

End note: Hey babes! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, next part is all about another party and we will see more interaction between these two shitheads.

A penny for your thoughts about this (not really but express yourself)

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[sabertoothwalrus]

I'm going to think out loud about the dungeon meshi ages for a sec

I'm going to preface this by saying that this is based on my existing knowledge, and fact checking is difficult because there is A LOT of contentious research out there.

First of all, I think a lot of people come at this from a modern lens, forgetting the context that this is fantasy medieval era. this is fiction. on top of that, this is specifically Ryoko Kui's understanding of medieval era aging. plus fantasy. So before anyone comes at me with a bunch of 'ermmmm actualy's just consider that I don't really care and also it might not matter in this context lol

as far as the "age of maturity" assigned for each race, something I don't see many people talk about is that "teenagers" are a fairly recent concept. For a long time, you were either considered A Kid or Not A Kid. but this doesn't necessarily mean kids were more/less developed then, just our cultural expectations for certain age groups have changed.

Laios says the age of maturity for tallmen is 16. I don't think that means 16 year olds in the dungeon meshi universe are necessarily "more mature" than modern 16 year olds, but moreso that they have more responsibilities. However, things like medicine, smoking, drinking, sun exposure, physical activity, etc all affect age, so it's possible that developmentally they're closer to modern 18 year olds? Izutsumi is 17 (less than two weeks from turning 18, actually), and very much acts like a modern 17 year old.

The age of maturity for half-foots is 14. Chilchuck was 13 when he got married and had his first two children. Even though, at age 29, he's the equivalent of a modern 50 year old, I don't think he was That much more developed at 13 than a tallman. I think if half-foot 14 is equal to tallman 16, then Chilchuck was Pretty Damn Young for a parent LMAO. Even if you're generous and say tallman 16 is a modern 18, he still would've been younger than that.

The long-lived races are interesting. Marcille is obviously a unique case, and not a lot of this applies to her. We do know what Senshi was like as a minor (miner, lol), and he seemed like a modern 15ish, considering he was 36 and dwarf maturity is 40. I think it'd be really interesting to delve into how a culture functions with people being developmentally adolescent for soooooo long. Imagine middle school lasting 20 years. that would fucking suck. I suppose it makes sense why long-lived races are so patronizing.

Moving onto lifespans, I want to emphasize that they're average lifespans. Even in the manga, they say some half-foots live to 100, it's just rare. So it's less that a tallman 60 year old is "older" than a modern 60 year old, it's that it's easier to keep people alive for longer nowadays. Modern medicine is a BIG contributor. Dental health as well, considering how much your health is affected by your diet (and how much the action of chewing alone aids in digestion). Curious to know what the FUCK elven dentistry is like.

It also makes me wonder if half-foots would have a longer average lifespan if they weren't like, used for bait and treated so poorly, but half-foot 29 does seem to be middle-aged for half-foots. so who knows!

In that vein, I don't know if I can see Mithrun quite making it to 400 😬 like, his experience as a dungeon lord took a lot out of him quite literally, and he's doing exceptionally well despite it! I imagine he'd eventually start to develop a lot of heart problems if he doesn't have them already. Perhaps early-onset dementia. His memory seems still quite intact (he corrects Kabru on his story's accuracy) and he doesn't act like, lobotomized. He doesn't seem forgetful or confused, and he has a sense of humor/sarcasm still. It's mostly his task initiation that's been affected.

I almost want to say that mana affinity could affect long-lived races' lifespans, except dwarves have very poor tolerance for mana, so it's probably not that.

okay anyway I didn't really have a point to this post so I'm just gonna end my rambling here

[mindblowingscience]

As the world's aging population grows, and dementia, cardiovascular disease, and osteoporosis reach epidemic levels, people of all ages want to know how they can live healthier, not just longer, lives. For women in their 40s and 50s, it's not too late to take action. A study that tracked more than 11,000 women in Australia has found that midlife is a crucial time to meet physical activity guidelines of at least 150 minutes a week. Women in the study who said they maintained those guidelines consistently over the next 15 years had better physical health scores than those women who did not.

Continue Reading.

[thechanelmuse]

Wendy Williams

When my damn spidey senses kick in.

From the moment that diagnosis news went viral today, something didn't feel right. But I couldn't put my finger on it.

So Wendy's niece, Alex, went on The View today and discussed the upcoming 2-part Lifetime docuseries, Where Is Wendy Williams?, with the hosts (who all watched the series). Apparently, the series exposes the court-appointed conservatorship that bars the family. I been knew about the family being barred and not being put in the know about her whereabouts (sketchy), but not what the series features aside from Wendy. Interesting.

Peep all the details revealed and the specific questions that are asked:

Right after the interview 🤔, news about Wendy having aphasia and frontotemporal dementia comes out. How convenient. Who is the damn guardian? Why is it so secretive? I google. This ho down here pops up but I also see it's made its way onto twitter:

Now this court-appointed temporary guardian has filed a lawsuit against Lifetime to block the docuseries from coming out, according to TMZ. On the same day as the interview and that diagnosis news. Clockwork. 😒 Per TMZ:

"Sabrina Morrissey -- who says she's acting in her capacity as temporary guardian of W.W.H. (presumably Wendy Williams Hunter) -- just filed suit against A&E Television Networks, but she did it under seal, meaning the public can't peep what exactly she's running to court for.

"Morrissey is also seeking a temporary restraining order in her action -- again, that's often the mechanism used when someone wants a judge to step in and halt the release of a film or television project. Now, what's interesting is that the judge actually ordered all the docs to remain temporarily under seal -- and set a hearing date for next week to determine whether they should stay that way as the case plays out.

"Of course, the Wendy doc drops this weekend, and while the hearing on the sealing issue falls after the release date, it's possible the court will rule on the merits of what Morrissey's asking for ... namely, injunctive relief against A&E -- while the docs are temporarily sealed. "

Leak docuseries now.

😒

[jacksprostate]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The five days Tyler's stolen my voice from me, I spend watching. The commons, group therapy. I visit my cave with my eyes open. Mills should get used to the cold. I've heard if it drops below 50 while your respiration is this depressed, you go to sleep and never wake up.

Valley of the Dogs.

An orderly with fresh bruises peppering his temple lets me take my walk in the same time Mills is carted around. This is how I must've looked for months. Glazed. Drooling. At this point they probably have to use elephant tranquilizers on me, the tolerance I've built.

God, his petty ass, we meet up for one on one and he says he has to give me some bad news.

No, it's not about Mills.

Tyler, whatever.

He is giving me the bad news, of the passing of one Marla Singer. Everyone seems to think this is bad news. Found dead in her apartment because she didn't pick up any Meals on Wheels for her neighbors for three weeks, and they worried about those little old ladies, up there all starving alone since their angel in black stopped showing up.

Her corpse was found, instead. I imagine it all waxy, tits rotted off just like she said, at some point you're so sick even the bacteria in your gut won't bother decomposing you. I imagine Marla's skin pulling back, fleeing, away from her eyes, her teeth, like a mummy. Dried out as all her collagen rots.

Paper clutched in her hand. A will, sort of hasty and half-assed.

Marla's many worldly possessions all fit on a hotel notepad.

Many other worthless things go to a small number of worthless people Marla has mentioned leaving behind in her life, and god says, Marla Singer has left me something.

That's the entire reason I get to know all of this.

If not, I would've never known.

The world could blow up, and you'd never know in here unless it was in someone's will to tell you.

Marla Singer left me her dildo.

Oh, Marla.

Addressed me in the will half the time as Tyler.

I wonder, did the cancer spread from her tits to her brain, like the cancer I didn't have. It's everywhere now. God says they're working out treatment. I wonder if it matters.

Without Tyler between us, I don't really know what connected me and Marla.

What kept her calling.

I liked her. Another psycho boyfriend in her stories. There will never be another, unless she's gone to Heaven, the real one, and they've got some sort of exchange program going on for her to have fun with.

I think Marla might deserve that. She deserved better than this.

I wonder if it was pills. There was no Tyler to save her, this time. No one to listen to her death rattle. I don't have the voice to ask.

I won't be getting her dildo, because you don't get possessions in a psych ward. It'll get dumped in some other landfill to persist for time immemorial with all the other plastic iconography of our stupid, stupid lives.

Released back out to pasture, I watch Mills. His wife was murdered. Murdered, you see, it's an action, and it's solvable. Mills solved it.

You can't solve the slow death. Not really.

I think about how empty Mills is.

Am I empty?

An unidentifiable amount of time ago, Marla called me again, and she told me all about what happens at the new support groups she goes to, since I ruined the old ones for her. They were willing to rally behind her for the whole blowing my brains out show, and she only would've had to wait them out for six months or so, but she decided to just find new ones. A new church, with new temptations like Living With Angels, a group for those caring for severe dementia patients, and Recovery Road: a program for those trying to rebuild their lives after a loved one blew them up. She said, when I got out, we could both go to that one, and I could talk about Tyler, and she could talk about me, and we could have fun getting kicked out together.

Marla was always talking about that. When I got out.

I wasn't ever hearing any of it.

Mills, they've let up on him, finally, you can see his eyeballs aren't floating with all they've juiced him up on. He's watching me, back.

I wonder if he knows about Marla.

Would Tyler care?

Tyler had said, don't call this love.

Does it need to be?

When I get my voice back, I bury my thoughts on the subject and Marla and everything in a relentless campaign to needle Mills until he looks like a voodoo doll in a shitty tourist trap.

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

A note before we begin: I understand that sometimes people look askance at some of the fundraisers. I do attempt to vet people, but I also attempt to practice a radical level of acceptance and compassion for people who are in need, who may not always be people everyone likes. It is up to my readers to determine where and if they want to give; I have only ever declined to publicize fundraisers twice, both by people with extensive and visible histories of scamming fandom. If you know of someone who has a history of scamming, it is helpful for me to be made aware, but unless there are receipts to go with it, I'm afraid I can't take that into account. Simply telling me "so-and-so is a bad person" does not help. (Lest I start more drama, this is not isolated to this week's post, it's just a particularly unhelpful comment this week which spurred me to write this.)

And now on to more helpful things!

Ways to Give:

maryellencarter linked to a fundraiser for johnhawkens, who is about to lose his temporary housing and needs assistance with food and transportation. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

just_juniper_joy is raising $350 to get through a lapse in emergency assistance; they are currently waiting for disability paperwork to go through and in the process of renewing the emergency aid in the meantime, but their county office is moving slowly, and they need to pay for medication, phone, and internet, as well as rent. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

aurorlaura linked to a fundraiser for Alchemia and Bugland, who have urgent financial needs after the loss of their home, and are also looking for advocacy and legal support in Illinois, particularly support for people with disabilities, autism, blindness, and/or who are LGBTQ+. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

nightwhite13 is raising funds to help seal a hole in their home through which a rat is entering; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Beck is raising funds for top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

just-a-zesty-lil-rat is raising funds to cover a medical deductible so they can get top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

catlineyemaker linked to a fundraiser for gallusrostromegalus, who recently rented a home to a friend who ended up doing serious damage to the home and required legal action to evict; they can't sell the house as-is and can't afford the repairs needed to make the house salable. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Buy Stuff, Help Out:

have-a-hygge is an artist selling her work to raise funds to open her own gallery, a task complicated by being a fulltime caregiver to a parent with dementia. You can read more and find purchase and giving information here.

Help For Free:

Maggie is a graduate student at American University, doing research on fanfic and the way people learn about sex and sexuality as teenagers. They have a survey available about experiences reading or writing fanfic and how it impacted their sexuality and understanding of sex, which may lead to interviews if the person is agreeable; all interviews are anonymized. You can learn more and take the survey here.

Recurring Needs:

rusty-chevy's workplace is in a slow period, and management has been cutting hours; she is raising funds to cover at least part of the shortfall from reduced paychecks, and was just denied rent assistance. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

alirhi linked to a fundraiser to get herself, her mother, and her sister stable housing; they are currently staying in their cars in a a dangerous parking lot. They have a friend who will let them park a camper in her yard, but the camper there currently is unlivable. With two of the family on disability it is difficult for them to keep up with bills and also save for housing. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here including a few new ways to give.

gwydion linked to a fundraiser for a friend, whose dog Rosie needs medical care, dental work, and special food; you can read more and give here at gofundme.

rilee16 is raising funds after having to use rent money to pay their electric bill; their roommate, with whom they have had a number of issues, has been an ongoing issue and is also costing them money, and they are now facing a late fee for October rent after the check didn't clear. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[harpershigh]

Name / Alias : M, Mime, Mimetoist (she/her)

Are you over 18? : Yes / No

  – W R I T I N G –

Are you selective about who you write with? : No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only). --

Are you selective about who you follow? : No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people).

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon? : Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / Not Applicable.

What post lengths do you write? : One-Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella / All of the aforementioned

Do you use icons and/or GIFS? : No / Gifs / Icons / Yes / Sometimes.

Do you write on other platforms? :No / Yes 

(I've RP'd in Orkut back in the day, also in the Mythweavers forum, Role Gate and Discord, but only in mother tongue. In english, I only write here and sometimes on AO3)

What level of plots do you write? : Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Epics / All of the aforementioned

How quickly do you usually respond to threads? : Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

What types of themes do you like? : Adventure / Romance / Fluff / Angst / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / All of the aforementioned

What genres do you like? : ( Feel free to add! ) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Smut / Adventure / Espionage / Dark / Emotional / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog? : (Not triggers) No / Yes / Sometimes

(degenerative mental diseases such as Alzheimer, Dementia, or senility in general. I won't write/read these)

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged? : I would never ask anyone for tags, and well, the only "trigger" I have is very specific and I haven't seen anyone around writing about it, but if it happens I'll just scroll past it and move on with my day.

  – S H I P P I N G –

What types of relationships are you open to? : Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to? : Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

Do you have OTPs? : No / Chemistry Only / Yes (every pairing can be an OTP if you're brave enough :D)

Do you have NOTPS? : No / Yes (anything involving characters that are minors)

What is your muse’s sexual orientation? : Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you’re asking

What is your muse’s romantic orientation? : Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you’re asking

Are you comfortable writing smut? : No / Selectively / Yes (I can do it on mother tongue in a blink, I've been writing smut for years now, but in english... Well, I've written some before but I still cringe a little bit, I feel too limited. Hopefully I learn to deal with it soon)

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically? : Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions / Slow burn / Plot dependent / Never (I have an autoship muse — Nyssala — but Jaheira is a slow burner and it's driving me INSANE. YES, I AM A SHIP WHORE, FIGHT ME)

Are you open to toxic ships? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

Are you open to problematic ships? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure (as long as it does not involve pedo I'm all in)

Are you open to polyamory shipping? : No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure (I'd love to, but it's tricky because Jaheira is monogamic :( my other muses have polyam ships with bestie @adorectrine tho)

Are you an exclusive shipper? : Never / Sometimes / Yes

Does crack shipping ever happen? : Nope / Yes / depends (none until now, but bring it on)

Tagged by: @faerunscursed

tagging: @adorectrine, @rotdame, @demonwebs, @whomuses, @ryathenaughtykitsune, @fleshcarverfugitive

:D

[mayhem-neverending]

The Big Bad Wolf

Part XI

Word Count: 4,228

Warnings: Mentions of death

Note: Lights, Camera, Action! Don't mind the beginning, please and thanks. And Obito is in this part, don't worry.

Once again sitting across from him, Kakashi had the space to collect himself. He was internally reeling from your warmth and delicious smell, the ghost of your touch lingering in his hair. You appeared largely unaffected, but happy with the interaction.

A buzzing from his pocket stole his attention. He pulled it out and opened it, seeing a string of notifications. Two were from Genma, one was from Guy. He opened Guy’s first.

Rival!! I just heard you came to your paramour’s rescue!!! Is it true!!?? You are truly HEROIC!!

Kakashi opted to ignore that for the moment and opened Genma’s messages.

I thought you said you guys werent together

does that mean ur coming to my bday party too?

An irritated sigh exited his nose. His irritation clashed, however, with the excitement he felt from your conversation. He tucked his phone away without bothering to answer and only smiled at your questioning brow.

“How did Obito like meeting Hikaru?” He asked pleasantly.

“I think he was a little unsure at first, but he came around towards the end I think,”

“That sounds about right,”

“I really need you to get him a phone. I would hate for me or Hikaru to be sick and I don’t have any way to get a hold of him,”

“Makes sense. I’ll look into it tomorrow,”

“Thanks,”

You mirrored Kakashi as he sipped his sake. He looked around briefly before asking, “You don’t happen to have any of that food you were talking about earlier, do you?”

“No, I left it all with Obito. Are you hungry?”

“A little,”

“Well, I’m sure Obito’ll be happy to see you,” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Kicking me out?”

“Never. I just think it would be good for him to see you. He’s been doing a lot better, and I think he’d be proud to show you his progress,”

He thought for a moment. “Not tonight. I’ll make some time tomorrow though, okay?”

You grinned. “That’d be great, Kakashi.”

“And you’re welcome to my fridge, if you want. I don’t really have the energy to cook right now,”

“What do you have?”

You playfully rolled your eyes. “Go look,”

He kept his drink in his hand while he got up to look. You followed him, your own drink in one hand and phone in the other. You set them down and hoisted yourself onto the counter. You settled yourself and opened up your phone. You hadn't heard it go off but you figured you might as well check.

You were glad you did. There was a message from Hina, your cousin… And a missed call from Toma, but you weren’t going to give that one any of your energy.

hey no worries here im with my aunt. the one w dementia near the border. Ill lyk if anything happens but im sure itll all be okay

thanks for worrying abt me tho. r u coming when I give birth still? im due in like 2 weeks

“Fuck,”

Kakashi looked back at you from where he was bent over, placing a bake-able tupperware container in the oven. “Hm? What’s wrong,”

“A. I forgot I told Hina I would be there when she gave birth, and B. She didn’t take my warning seriously… The upside is that she isn’t near her husband’s compound, though. She’s on the western border, closest to us.”

“You should tell her to stay there. It’ll be easier to extract her in case of an emergency.”

You did just that, and told her you would try to find a sitter for Hikaru so you could be there for her. To her it was just a loving family member there to help her; for you it was an extra set of eyes and capable hands there to protect her. If the Zen’in Clan stirred up trouble, like they always did when things didn’t go in their favor, it would compromise the safety of her and her baby.

“Would I be able to take off for that?” You asked Kakashi, who was leaning against the counter opposite you, his feet crossed at the ankle in front of him.

“For her baby’s birth?”

“Yeah,”

He tilted his chin down and his thin brows furrowed. “I don’t know, Y/n. It would be incredibly dangerous for you to go into a country that is in such a politically tumultuous state right now,”

You grumbled, but didn’t push the subject further. You would have to play it by ear, anyway.

The next morning your son woke you extra early. He wasn't allowed to go to school until twenty-four hours after his fever had subsided, so you had convinced your grandma to take him for the day before you had gone to bed.

You got up slowly and went about your usual routine. The morning was incredibly bright from the sun reflecting off the surface of the white snow. Before you left, you tried to find a pair of sunglasses, but only found Hikaru’s half-bent ones. He didn’t care for your attempt at putting them in his toy bin and took them from you, smashing them on his face until they balanced enough for him to walk around with them.

Your grandma was closer to the forest than the daycare was, so you had taken a little extra time getting out the door. You styled your hair differently and chose a nicer set of warm clothes - a more fitted sweater and jeans. You wouldn’t admit it, but you knew deep down who you were trying to look nice for.

The walk took longer than you had anticipated since you had forgotten to factor in Hikaru’s desire to stomp around in the freshly fallen snow. You let him dig his toes in and drag his feet and shove his little hands in it in wonder; choosing to be patient and appreciate the sheer joy lighting up his chubby face.

Waiting in the front window, your grandmother watched as you two approached until you opened the front gate. She opened the door and called for Hikaru with a delighted smile.

“My boy! I haven’t seen you in what feels like 50 years!” She exclaimed dramatically.

He wasn’t giving her any attention, opting to plop straight down into the snow and giggle. You shook your head with a smile and hoisted him up, effectively covering yourself in the snow that came with him.

You handed him off to your grandma, told her you loved her and kissed Hikaru on both cheeks, repeating the same phrase to him. You waved goodbye and made a swift exit.

Obito was worried you might not make it But there he was, standing in his window, watching you take dramatically large steps as you trudged through the deep snow. The scene put a massive grin on his face. He courteously opened his front door for you when got close enough.

“Good morning,” you untied your boots on the front step, sliding your feet out and hopping into the cottage.

“Good morning!” He replied cheerily, shutting the door behind you.

“Somebody’s in a good mood,”

He thought you were being sarcastic, but you smiled up at him warmly, even if it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You smacked the snow off your boots and pulled them inside, letting him close the door behind you. Instead of your usual route to the kitchen, you veered off the path and tossed yourself on the couch.

“Walking in that snow really wore me out,”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “So, that means you get to slack off on the clock?”

“Of course,” you patted the seat next to you with a little smile. “Come slack off with me?”

He settled onto the cushion next to you, turning his body so that he was facing you. A comfortable silence surrounded the two of you for a few short minutes. He studied your profile while you stared at the fire, obviously lost in thought.

“I had an interesting evening after I left yesterday,”

“Oh?”

“My ex’s new girlfriend harassed me outside of the apothecary, then Kakashi shows up and tells me that Akujia has outlawed all forms of chakra control!”

“Shit, are you serious?” he leans back, his smile slipping.

“Dead,”

“That is not good,”

You nodded in agreement. “My cousin, Hina, still lives there, but when I told her she should consider moving here she just kinda blew me off. She doesn’t - I don’t know how to put this without seeming like an ass - but she… lac- has chosen.. not to.. hone.. her critical thinking skills. God I sound like a shitty person, but in short, I’m genuinely worried about her and her baby,”

“Is she a chakra-user?”

“No, but her baby is the heir of the Zen’in clan,”

His brows shot up and he made a face like he was impressed. “No shit? Good for her,”

His comment lightened the mood, and you threw him a playful smile. “I know, right? She’s really got it made. Her husband not only loves her, like, intensely, but he’s loaded, attractive, and with the servants, the girl never even has to lift a finger,”

“Hm, does sound pretty nice,” he rested the side of his head on the back of the couch. “Is that what you want?”

“Which part?”

You enjoyed your view of him. His black hair, which needed another trim, was still moussed up a bit from sleep, and the depth of his eyes was revealed in the stream of sunlight illuminating him. The warmth of the sun softened his sharp features, and he looked absolutely charming the way he was smiling at you. He licked his lips before he spoke, drawing your attention to them. Despite being slightly chapped, you thought they looked awfully silky. You briefly wondered what he would do if you reached out and touched them.

“Attractive, loaded, the servants - is that what you want in a man?”

The seriousness of his tone had you giggling. You shook your head ‘no’. “The love part is the most important to me. I don’t particularly want servants, but money is definitely a perk. I like feeling financially secure, for sure,”

“Attractiveness?”

You raised your brow. He was looking at you attentively, like this was a very important conversation. It made you feel a little weird, but you answered honestly, “In general, I find a lot of people attractive, but in an objective way. I rarely find people that I’m attracted to. And that’s what’s important to me. Someone could tell me they don’t think who I’m dating is all that good looking, but it doesn’t matter all that much to me, because I’m attracted to them as a whole person, y’know? Not just their looks,”

He nodded like you had just given him some profound insight. You, now curious because of his strange behavior, turned the question around on him. “What is important to you in a woman?”

You rested your cheek on your fist. He looked a bit scattered at having been asked the same thing. “Uh, well,”

He cleared his throat and looked away from you. In a flat tone, he muttered, “Dunno, haven’t really thought about it,”

A frown tugged at your lips and you looked at him in puzzlement. “In all your life, you haven’t really thought about it?”

With downcast eyes, he replied, “That’s a conversation for another day,”

You nodded, accepting his answer for the time being. You stood and stretched your arms over your head. “Well, it’s pretty late, how about brunch?”

“Whatever you want,” he replied with a shrug, easing back into his lighter tone.

“I love it when you say that,” you winked.

He followed you into the kitchen in his normal fashion, leaning against the counter-top and taking up your precious little prep space. It didn’t matter how many times you had to move him around the kitchen while you worked, he always stayed if he wasn’t preoccupied with anything else.

He made himself comfortable, folding his arms over his chest and leaning heavily into the counter. He looked intimidating like this sometimes; his mouth set in a firm line while he silently watched.

He wore a black t-shirt, rather than his usual long-sleeve, and you wondered once again about his arms being two completely different colors. What really caught your attention, though, was the muscle definition. You had a hard time tearing your gaze away from the well defined-lines; only narrowly avoiding him catching you by quickly reaching beside him to grab a cutting board.

“I’m thinking extra protein today. How about Eggs Benedict, but make it with chicken cause we don’t have ham?”

“Hm, as long as you fry the chicken like you did last time, I’m game,”

“Oh, that was a new recipe. You liked that?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied mischievously. “I liked it, ‘like a lot’,”

“You little shit,” you said with a grin.

He laughed at your expense, but you enjoyed his teasing. He was absolutely wonderful to be around whenever he wore his goofy grin. For the first time, you blushed when he aimed it at you.

Feeling a little hot and a host of butterflies in your stomach, you looked away from him and busied yourself with starting brunch. He talked to you about a new quilting project he was sketching out while you pulled everything you needed out. He was animated, drawing the shapes in the air with his finger in an attempt to better convey his vision.

You told him to just get the paper he drew it on with a laugh, and he went off into the living room in search of it among the scraps. You shook your head to yourself, wondering how you could be so happy just listening about his excitement over his project.

You were beginning to remove the bones from the raw chicken when your phone started to ring loudly. Your bag was in the living room so you asked Obito to grab it really quickly for you. He trotted over with it and you asked him who it was.

“Uh, Hina. That’s your cousin, right?”

Anxiety flared in your chest, “Answer it, put it on speaker, please,”

He answered and clicked the speaker button, standing close to you and holding it near your face so you could speak clearly into it. You answered, “Hey,”

“Hi,” she answered in an unnaturally high, broken pitch and you immediately stopped what you were doing, your body stilling while your heart-rate increased.

“Hina?” You asked slowly.

“I-” she cut herself off with a sudden burst of loud, uncontrollable sobbing.

You dropped your knife and pushed Obito over with your hip to get access to the sink. You turned it on and called her name again, but it only caused her to let out a guttural sob that pierced straight through your chest. You hurriedly washed your hands and wiped them on your jeans, grabbing the phone from Obito.

“Hey, hey, Hina? What’s going on?”

You heard shaky breathing on the other end and assumed she was attempting to get enough control to speak, but only seconds later she let out another sharp cry. Your wide eyes met with Obito’s. Something bad happened, obviously, and your mind conjured up image after cruel image. Your hands began to shake almost imperceptibly as adrenaline coursed through you.

“Hina, sweetie. I’m right here. Please, can you tell me what’s going on?”

“I-”

“Take a deep breath with me?”

She made a noise and you started. “In… out…”

After a single breath, she screeched, “They killed him!”

Her uncontrollable sobs were let loose once again, cut up by sharp, ragged breaths. “The. Oh God..-”

On the other end you heard retching, and your hand unconsciously covered your mouth. Your heart dropped into your stomach and your shaking worsened. Your feet were glued to the floor, eyes unfocused on the cabinet in front of you. All of your senses dulled except your hearing, focusing so you could catch any words she tried to get out between heaves. Every noise she made was amplified and rang in your ears.

In between her heaving she breathlessly got out, “The clan… The meeting..”

You assumed she finished vomiting and you listened to her struggle to breathe in and out. “They massacred the clan! Javi’s dead!”

“Where are you?” you asked urgently.

“Still-still with my aunt,”

“Stay there, do you hear me?”

“But-”

“Stay. There. I will come get you,”

There was complete silence on the other end of the line. You waited with baited breath, staring into nothing.

You had never heard her sound smaller than when she asked, “How long?”

You had to pause for a moment; your mind blanking as her voice gutted you. As quickly as you could, you did the math in your head, your heart aching for her. “Two days,”

She sniffled, and a tremor of fear rang through her voice as she asked, “You promise?”

“I promise,” you replied with sincerity.

After a beat, you calmly said, “I have to make a couple calls, okay?”

“I’m scared,” she cried.

“I’m so, so sorry, Hina. This should have never happened to you, and I know it’s hard, but you need to stay as calm as you can for your baby, okay?”

She cried softly on the other end. After a long pause she finally said, “Okay,”

“I’m hanging up now. I’ll be in contact with you later.” You hit the ‘end call’ button, almost missing from the shaking of your hands.

Immediately, you called Kakashi. You finally regained the ability to move, and paced up and down the room as the phone rang. It rang and rang.. and went to voicemail. You took the phone away from your ear and fervently hit the call button again. Your pace increased as it rang and you held the phone in an iron-grip.

He answered. “Hey, I can’t really-”

“They killed the Zen’in clan,” you blurted.

Before he had a chance to respond, you hurriedly gave him the short version of your previous call. There was muted talking in the background and a short, agonizing silence before he spoke to you again.

“Listen, I can’t just send you out on your own. This isn’t just a matter of family; the Zen’in are important people and your cousin is carrying the last living member as far as we’re aware. I have no doubt that someone will come after her to finish the job they started if they find out she’s still alive,”

“Obito can come with me,” you rushed out before your mind could even process.

“Y/n. I can’t. He’s on house arrest, the council-”

“They don’t have to know. Besides, he’s stronger than the rest of the jounin, and everyone’s busy. Please, Kakashi,” you reasoned.

You looked at Obito out of the corner of your eye, and slowly registered that his eyes were glossed over. He likely wasn’t hearing any of your conversation.

He let out a frustrated sigh. “Y/n,”

Hina’s broken sobs reverberated in your mind, and a sense of desperation rose from your chest into your throat.

Your voice broke as you begged, “Please,”

Silence, and then, “Go home, change into your uniform, and bring your gear. Pack a separate civilian outfit. Meet me back at Obito’s when you’re done. No more than two hours; this has to be done quickly,”

“Yes, sir. Thank you,”

You pulled your phone away to end the call when he asked, “What will you do with Hikaru?”

“Fuck!” You raked your fingers over your scalp.

“Just. Fucking Toma can take him,”

“Are you sure?”

You huffed in frustration. “He won’t listen to me if I try to talk to him, but no one else can keep him for four plus days. Can you- would you call him at work or something? Please, for me? He’d probably listen to you,”

“Okay, I’ll try,”

“Thank you.” You hung up the phone.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. When you opened them, Obito was standing in front of you. His face was deeply lined with worry. He hesitantly reached out in an attempt to comfort you, but stopped midway, unsure of himself. You breached the gap, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and burying your face into his chest.

“That was…” he trailed off.

He awkwardly tried to comfort you by patting your shoulder while his other arm circled around your back. The exchange was brief; you backed away and hastily made for your coat and boots by the front door. While shoving your feet in your boots, you vaguely heard him trailing after you.

“Less than two hours,” you said, now slinging on your coat.

“What?”

“I’ll be back here in less than two hours. Kakashi’s coming, so be ready to go,”

“Ready to go?”

You stopped unlatching the door and looked at him over your shoulder, becoming frustrated as you felt the clock ticking. “Yes, Obito. You’re coming with me. Have an outfit packed, I assume Kakashi will bring the rest of what you need,”

He stared at you with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, but you chose not to respond. Instead, you flung open the door and slammed it shut behind you. You sprinted through the snow covered path to your apartment, and, when you hit the village, you jumped between the rooftops despite the snow, hurrying as fast as you could.

In your apartment, you ripped your closet door open and pulled out a few storage bins that contained all of your shinobi equipment. It was one of the few things from your past you fought Toma tooth and nail to keep, and you could never have been more grateful to your past self for standing her ground.

You found your winter uniform at the bottom of the second bin. You pulled on a black, long-sleeve compression shirt. Over that you wore your kusari gusoku, or the protective chain-mail most ninja wore under their clothes. You pulled on the standard pants with leggings underneath for added warmth, and black boots. You added a thin, but incredibly warm, water resistant hooded jacket that clung to you comfortably.

Taking a seat on your bed, you added white tape to your leg. While rolling it on, you smacked your hand against something hard. You reached into one of your many pockets and to your surprise, found a hidden kunai mechanism; a spring-loaded wire that allows the user to extend and retract kunai from their sleeve instantly. You placed it back where you found it, just in case, and finished the wrappings.

Instead of the regular issued sandals, you pulled on the lesser used, but still military issued, black boots. They formed to your feet perfectly - they had always been your favorite pair of shoes, and the feeling brought in a wave of memories. You had to push them away while you continued, but the nostalgia lingered.

Tying the hitai-ate around your neck was the last piece of the puzzle. The weight of it felt right, a familiar heaviness that steadied your racing thoughts. You wanted to look in your full length mirror, but knowing you would distract yourself, you readied your weapons, tools, and pack first. They were all in one place, so it took only a few minutes to distribute what you needed to your pockets and the rest to your bag. Before you decided to call it good, you went into your bathroom and tossed in some of your first aid stuff, since your old kit hadn’t been touched in years.

Packing a couple outfits (an extra for Hina, just in case), shoes, and basic everyday necessities took up the rest of your time. The apartment looked like a tornado had run through it when you had finally closed the zipper, but you hardly glanced at it. You pulled your bag strap over your shoulder, and an overwhelming sense of anxiety slammed into your gut.

As if in a trance, you went back into your bedroom closet, and pulled out one of Hikaru’s baby blankets and an old swaddle. In the back of your mind you reprimanded yourself for using up space for something that would likely prove useless, but you couldn’t help yourself. Your anxiety had always led you to pack for ‘just in case’ scenarios, and you wouldn’t be changing this time.

Before you put it back on, you allowed yourself one glance in the mirror. The woman who stared back at you was a person you had never expected to see again. Tears welled in your eyes because for the first time in years, you fully recognized the person in the mirror. There was hardly any change, physically. You looked a little older, the dark circles under your eyes a little darker, your hands a little softer, maybe even a little wiser, but all in all, you looked like you, again. Or at least a version you had loved.

You covered your mouth as a quiet, relieved sob spilled out. You blamed your tears on your heightened emotions, and quickly wiped them away. You gave your reflection a watery smile, and waved at yourself like you were greeting an old friend. You tore yourself away before you could get lost in it and headed back to Obito’s.

Part XII

Tag List: @mostlyunsure, @humongousdreamlandbear, @ichaichahatake

[compneuropapers]

Interesting Papers for Week 20, 2024

Brain-imaging evidence for compression of binary sound sequences in human memory. Al Roumi, F., Planton, S., Wang, L., & Dehaene, S. (2023). eLife, 12, e84376.

Awake responses suggest inefficient dense coding in the mouse retina. Boissonnet, T., Tripodi, M., & Asari, H. (2023). eLife, 12, e78005.

Competing neural representations of choice shape evidence accumulation in humans. Bond, K., Rasero, J., Madan, R., Bahuguna, J., Rubin, J., & Verstynen, T. (2023). eLife, 12, e85223.

Overestimation in angular path integration precedes Alzheimer’s dementia. Castegnaro, A., Ji, Z., Rudzka, K., Chan, D., & Burgess, N. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4650-4661.e7.

Predictive learning by a burst-dependent learning rule. Chapman, G. W., & Hasselmo, M. E. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107826.

Motor actions are spatially organized in motor and dorsal premotor cortex. Chehade, N. G., & Gharbawie, O. A. (2023). eLife, 12, e83196.

A complete reconstruction of the early visual system of an adult insect. Chua, N. J., Makarova, A. A., Gunn, P., Villani, S., Cohen, B., Thasin, M., … Chklovskii, D. B. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4611-4623.e4.

Longitudinal evidence that infants develop their imitation abilities by being imitated. Essler, S., Becher, T., Pletti, C., Gniewosz, B., & Paulus, M. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4674-4678.e3.

How associations become behavior. Ghirlanda, S., & Enquist, M. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107833.

Emotion regulation during encoding reduces negative and enhances neutral mnemonic discrimination in individuals with depressive symptoms. Hayes, B. K., Harikumar, A., Ferguson, L. A., Dicker, E. E., Denny, B. T., & Leal, S. L. (2023). Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 205, 107824.

Representations of tactile object location in the retrosplenial cortex. Lande, A. S., Garvert, A. C., Ebbesen, N. C., Jordbræk, S. V., & Vervaeke, K. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4599-4610.e7.

Informational feedback accelerates learning in multi-alternative perceptual judgements of orientation. Liu, J., Lu, Z.-L., & Dosher, B. (2023). Vision Research, 213, 108318.

History information emerges in the cortex during learning. Marmor, O., Pollak, Y., Doron, C., Helmchen, F., & Gilad, A. (2023). eLife, 12, e83702.

Mega-scale movie-fields in the mouse visuo-hippocampal network. Purandare, C., & Mehta, M. (2023). eLife, 12, e85069.3.

Theta-band phase locking during encoding leads to coordinated entorhinal-hippocampal replay. Santos-Pata, D., Barry, C., & Ólafsdóttir, H. F. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4570-4581.e5.

Using multi-modal neuroimaging to characterise social brain specialisation in infants. Siddiqui, M., Pinti, P., Brigadoi, S., Lloyd-Fox, S., Elwell, C. E., Johnson, M. H., … Jones, E. J. (2023). eLife, 12, e84122.

Non-invasive temporal interference electrical stimulation of the human hippocampus. Violante, I. R., Alania, K., Cassarà, A. M., Neufeld, E., Acerbo, E., Carron, R., … Grossman, N. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(11), 1994–2004.

Information search processing affects social decisions. Wei, Z., Liang, Y., Liang, C., & Liu, H. (2023). Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, 36(5), e2352.

Noninvasive theta-burst stimulation of the human striatum enhances striatal activity and motor skill learning. Wessel, M. J., Beanato, E., Popa, T., Windel, F., Vassiliadis, P., Menoud, P., … Hummel, F. C. (2023). Nature Neuroscience, 26(11), 2005–2016.

The locus coeruleus directs sensory-motor reflex amplitude across environmental contexts. Witts, E. C., Mathews, M. A., & Murray, A. J. (2023). Current Biology, 33(21), 4679-4688.e3.

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 1)

LET THIS BE CLEAR THAT THIS BLOG ALSO SERVE TO ME AS A GODAMN PRIVATE JOURNAL THAT ISNT PRIVATE BECAUSE I HAVE A VALIDATION AND SELF CONFIDANCE ISSUE. are we good ? 99% of the people who could read this already skipped ? fine. lets start on a good news! @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends (who has a dumb discord name NO I WILL NEVER STOP SAYING IT (unless you like, tell me that you dont like this running gag, and if so i'll stop imediately bud)) and @plaindangan (da plain! they are so cool) but i just got out FINNALY of a very toxic relation on the cowede side of my life! that had been going on for what... 3 years now ? basically that person is russian (the cliches are stable) and has psychological issue (probably dementia, but like, i don't have dementia and i forget stuff constantly and before i begin sounding like an horrible person i swear that russian had dementia precisely when they needed too seemingly, just now i remembered i must kobeni @plaindangan will get it) and the thing is... they asked for a LOT and I mean a LOT, and when they actually put some godamn effort they were great, and of course at first in our relation they did put ton of effort, were proactive in ideas and tried different super cool stuff, like actually talking in code when playing a robot character, they also gave me lots of cool ideas and experimentations about erp that i very much enjoyed and brought to other places with... mostly failure than success ? but hey. So whats the issue ? picture this. you start a rp, and you have to play 8 different character in one action. then in the very next action you must make, you must replay them all but instantly corrupted and now cucking their boyfriends and slobering other that person cock. At some point they ask you to add 4 more character because "its not enough". do you get a please ? a thank you ? nope. ah maybe a matching response in term of words and quality ? nope. the person (lets call them X from now on, should have do it earlier but the problem is I write like i talk and i talk like a very very bad comedian) will start talking in the first person, completely not only forget but factually they dont care about what the rp is about, setting, characters, even the characters the other play, its just them and the others, but also the answers are super short, almost on the level of a "i fuck them, continue" . Oh at the very least you can say theyll get bored of it once they have it and we can move on to something else, maybe be back to creative teasefull stuff since they are actually great at this writing wise. NOPE, theyll freeze the rp for weeks, if you try to ask them if we could continue they say "i dont feel like it" and whenever too much time pass surprisingly its your fault now. so you do what ? you create another rp start with X, hoping this time maybe we'll get each other better. it shouldnt be too much of a problem for me ? those who know me conscerning rp know that I kinda have... an obsession with beginings ? like i actively want to do long term, but after some time my brain freeze and i dont know what to write anymore.. and of course my stupid brain get other ideas about other characters, that i pitch to my partner (once again @plaindangan and especially @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends the goats suffered from this) and we end up starting this other pitch. (part 1 over)

[caffiend-queen]

Did anything good happen in 2023? Yes!!

Sometimes, we all need a reminder that the world is not in a death spiral. This is a wonderful article from the Washington Post that shows huge and promising developments and it's worth reading.

Research has indicated that uplifting news can provide an emotional buffer against distressing news and feelings of hopelessness — and even encourage optimism or action. So, in that spirit, here are some of the more uplifting developments you may have missed this year.

The WHO approved an effective new malaria vaccine.

In October, the World Health Organization approved a malaria vaccine — only the second time a vaccine against the potentially deadly disease has been created. The WHO said it expects the vaccine, which costs $2-$4 per dose and has been shown to reduce symptomatic cases by 75 percent after three doses within a year, to be available by the middle of 2024.

More than 600,000 people died of malaria in 2021, with children under 5 representing 80 percent of malaria deaths in Africa. The United States reports about 2,000 malaria cases every year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says, with the majority of them contracted abroad.

Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, the director general of the WHO, said the announcement gave him“great pleasure. ... I used to dream of the day when we would have a safe and effective vaccine against malaria. Now, we have two.”

The FDA approved a groundbreaking pill to treat postpartum depression

In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration also approved a number of potentially life-changing drugs, including a first-of-its-kind pill to treat postpartum depression, which affects up to 1 in 5 women. The severe and debilitating condition can cause pregnant and new mothers to experience intense hopelessness and, in rare cases, psychosis — and it can last for years.

The new drug is taken once a day for two weeks and, unlike the existing treatment of an IV injection that may take as long as 60 hours to administer in a health-care setting, it can be taken at home ��� greatly improving accessibility, especially for parents caring for a newborn.

While experts say the drug may not be suitable for all women with the condition and won’t be able to treat all aspects of a new mother’s mental health, they argue that the drug is nonetheless a convenient and fast-acting treatment, and is particularly useful in the early days after a birth, when parents and babies start bonding.

Two sickle cell disease treatments gained approval

In December, the FDA also approved two therapies for sickle cell disease, a rare and debilitating condition that affects around 100,000 Americans, most of them Black. The disease causes extreme, constant pain and can drastically cut the life span of those affected.

The new treatments are both gene therapies that have been shown in clinical trials to stop severe pain crises for most patients: One uses a harmless virus to insert a gene into the patient’s stem cells, while the other is the first medical treatment to be based on the gene-editing tool CRISPR.

Both are intensive, expensive procedures — and require chemotherapy, which has significant side effects. But patients who have received the treatments have spoken of its profoundly beneficial impact on their lives.Jimi Olaghere, a father of three who likened the pain caused by the disease to glass shards sawing back and forth inside his veins, said that after years of being unable to sleep at night because of pain, he has energy again, and that the treatment has enabled him for the first time to plan for a future with his family.

We learned more about dementia and memory loss — and how to prevent them

Scientists also made progress in understanding one of the biggest health concerns for countries with aging populations — dementia, which can have a devastating impact, robbing people of the ability to engage in daily tasks.

While there is no proven cure for dementia, scientific research has continued to find that there many steps we can take to reduce the risk of developing dementia.

One study published this year suggested that lifestyle habits, including regular mental and physical activity, eating a healthful diet, and regular social contact were linked with a slower rate of memory decline. Another found that living in areas with more natural green spaces was associated with lower rates of hospital admissions for diseases including dementia, while separate research indicated that the use of hearing aids could cut the risk of cognitive decline by nearly half.

The FDA also gave full approval, for the first time, to a drug that modestly slows Alzheimer’s disease. While difficult questions about safety, effectiveness and cost remain, many neurologists say that having a drug that slows Alzheimer’s is nonetheless a milestone after years of failed trials.

After 20 years, countries agreed a treaty to protect the ocean

Human health wasn’t the only area to see improvements this year. Even as scientists voiced concern about the state of Earth’s health, there were some positive steps to protect the planet.

In May, more than 190 countries agreed a major deal to protect the biodiversity of the world’s oceans outside of national borders, after more than two decades of talks. The United Nations adopted the treaty in June.

At present, only 1.2 percent of the high seas — which make up two-thirds of the planet’s ocean surface — are protected, leaving large stretches at risk from rising temperatures, overfishing, pollution, mining and other threats. The deal will allow nations to start creating new marine protection areas in the high seas for the first time, although it still may be years before U.N. member states formally adopt the agreement and are able to begin the process of designating the new zones. Even then, enforcement may be difficult.

But the agreement has been welcomed as a much-needed start on the path to protecting 30 percent of the planet’s land and sea by the year 2030, a goal announced at a U.N. biodiversity summit in late 2022.

Brazil deforestation falls after reaching 15-year high

Last year, The Post published a series of storiesshowing the fast pace of destruction of Brazil’s Amazon rainforest under then-President Jair Bolsonaro. During his presidency, the rate of deforestation of the Amazon rose to a 15-year high, and those responsible for the destruction acted with impunity.

Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva returned to the presidency in January this year. His first six months in office showed positive signs, as authorities drove thousands of illegal gold miners from Indigenous lands, and the government said deforestation dropped by 50 percent.

There are questions about how likely the president is to reach his goal of ending deforestation by 2030, especially given government plans for a large-scale railway project and to pave a 540-mile highway. And deforestation isn’t the only environmental issue facing Brazil, which has come under scrutiny for its reliance on oil as it announced plans to align itself with a coalition of major oil-producing nations, OPEC Plus.

But European countries and the United States have once again offered to restart funding — which was suspended under Bolsonaro — to help end deforestation in the Amazon. Resuming the program would be a significant step for a rainforest that stores billions of tons of carbon and pulls millions more out of the atmosphere every year.

Even in a year of difficult news, moments of humanity shone through

While suffering across the world may have dominated the headlines in 2023, this year also reminded us that kindness and generosity exist, even amid crises and tragedy.

In March, after tornadoes devastated Mississippi, a group of Ukrainian refugees made a 16-hour journey to distribute water to victims of the disaster. Many had only just arrived in the United States — and still had immigration forms to fill in or job interviews to prepare for — but hoped to help a community they felt faced a struggle similar to theirs.

“When they stop what they’re going through to help someone else in need, that to me is the definition of love,” Corie Jones, the deputy director of Volunteer Mississippi, told The Post.

And in October, as police officer Arizbeth Dionisio Ambrosio was clearing debris after Hurricane Otis swept Mexico, she came across a woman with a crying, hungry baby. Ambrosio, who was breastfeeding her own 1-year-old, offered to nurse the baby and was able to soothe the infant — a moment of empathy that was praised around the world, and led to her receiving a promotion.

Ambrosio told The Post she didn’t consider what she did to be anything heroic or out of the ordinary. “It was what I needed to do and I did it,” she said. “When you are in a situation like that, you do not think whether to help or not. ... I felt peace because I was with the baby giving him what he needed at the moment

Find the full story here.

[ladyjaneasherr]

May 11 1968. Stunning Jane Asher as a braids maid for the wedding of Joan and Stuart. Joan was Jane’s friend and an actress as well. From Daily Mail.

📸: Philip Ide

Daily Mail article posted of October 1st, 2011.

I don’t feel guilty - I like to think that I carried her to the other side: Yorkie Bar actor says he was saved by Jane Asher over wife's 'mercy killing'

Stuart Mungall sat in the almost empty auditorium of the Royal Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh and waited for the play to begin. It was late 1967, he had just joined a small theatre company in Scotland and had been asked if he’d like to watch rehearsals for A Christmas Carol.

‘A young woman came on stage,’ he recalls. ‘From the first second, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She had such a magic quality and aura.

I was totally hooked. It was love at first sight.’

The young woman was Joan Morrow, then 27. And to 28-year-old Stuart’s delight, she was cast alongside him in the company’s next production, Toad Of Toad Hall. ‘I was Weasel and she played Lucy Rabbit,’ he recalls with a laugh.

After a whirlwind courtship, the couple were married on May 11, 1968, with Joan’s close friend and successful young actress Jane Asher, then also famous as Paul McCartney’s girlfriend, as bridesmaid.

Last week – 42 years later – a letter pleading for clemency from Asher to an Old Bailey judge was instrumental in preventing Stuart, now 72, spending the rest of his life in prison after he admitted the manslaughter of his wife.

The court heard that Stuart, who starred in a series of cult adverts for Yorkie chocolate bars, smothered his beloved, terminally ill wife with a pillow after watching her deteriorate both mentally and physically for six years.

The recorder of London, Judge Peter Beaumont, recognised his devotion after reading Asher’s letter, and handed down a 12-month sentence suspended for two years.

When we meet at the one-bedroom rented flat in Tooting, South London, that was their marital home, Stuart has just returned from what will be a weekly trip to his probation officer as part of his bail conditions. He also has to see a psychiatrist regularly.

‘The psychiatrist is a good chap,’ he says, lighting the first of several cigarettes. ‘But at the moment we are still tiptoeing round that fateful day.’ His weathered face crumples, his eyes fill with tears and for a while he is unable to speak.

Stuart is reluctant to be seen as a champion of euthanasia, assisted suicide or, indeed, anything else. But it is clear that his case and the suspended sentence passed down at the Old Bailey are a significant development in one of the major ethical controversies of our time.

‘People have asked me if I thought about the consequences of my actions,’ he says when he recovers his composure. ‘Of course I didn’t. I don’t have a philosophy based on what happened. I don’t belong to any pro-euthanasia groups. Nor would I presume to say what I did is a good thing. What I do know is that I didn’t want her to have an undignified death.’

Joan, who was 69 when she died, had Pick’s disease – a rare form of dementia similar to Alzheimer’s – and polymyalgia rheumatica, a debilitating condition that causes pain, stiffness and tenderness in the muscles supporting the neck, shoulders, hips and thighs.

‘She was confused, in terrible pain and could hardly move and was asking me to kill her almost every day.

‘Not in those exact words, but she’d shout, “Shoot me. Get me out of this.” My response, especially when her mind got bad, was to divert her attention. I’d say, “There is a great programme I want to watch on the television today. Let’s do it tomorrow.” But in a couple as close as we were, you don’t have to ask for what you want. Joan and I knew instinctively what the other was thinking.

‘And that morning I could tell by the way she looked at me that she had absolutely had enough.

‘When it happened, she didn’t struggle and the autopsy report, to my great relief, stated there was no sign of trauma in her body.’

He pauses. ‘It is a consolation. We had agreed when we were young that we wanted to go together and I certainly felt there was no point ¬living without her.

‘So after she had died, I went into the kitchen and took handfuls of her very strong painkillers which I swallowed with a bottle of brandy.

‘After a few minutes I suddenly remembered our cat and knew Joan wouldn’t have wanted it to be abandoned, so I rang a neighbour, a psychiatrist, and explained what I had done. He came round and called an ambulance and the police.

‘I was taken to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, where my stomach was pumped, and then transferred to a mental hospital in Sutton and then to Belmarsh high-security prison where I stayed for four months.’

Stuart and I are talking in the kitchen of his flat. Over one door is a wooden block with painted words that read: ‘I love you.’ Along one wall is a Welsh dresser with several sunshine-yellow goblets – their wedding present from Asher.

He is obviously very vulnerable, one minute talking with dramatic gestures and an impeccable accent as if on stage, the next doubling over with grief and unable to speak as tears course down his face.

On the face of it, Stuart and Joan should have had little in common. The son of a garage owner, he was born into a happy and comfortable home in 1939 in north-east Scotland and was inspired to become an actor in 1955. ‘James Dean had just died in a car crash and I thought I could take over,’ he laughs. ‘So did about 700,000 other young men. I was so naive.

‘Joan was a brilliant actress. Much better than me. She just lacked the killer instinct to go far.’

Joan was born in Australia in 1941. Her mother died when she was four and her father married again, but she didn’t get on with her difficult stepmother. She was 23 when she came to England to seek a better life. She passed an audition for the Bristol Old Vic theatre company and met another jobbing actress taken on at £7 a week – Jane Asher.

The two women became inseparable when the company went on a six-month world tour that included performing on Broadway in New York.

‘They really clicked as friends,’ ¬Stuart recalls. ‘At the time, Jane was the long-time girlfriend of Paul McCartney. But when they met, Joan was newly arrived from Australia and had never heard of The Beatles.’

After leaving the Bristol Old Vic in the Sixties, Joan moved to Scotland and the small theatre company that rehearsed that day in Edinburgh – and later fell in love with Stuart.

Just before their marriage, Stuart told her his secret.

‘Before I met her I had had a relationship with another actress who had become pregnant. Our relationship didn’t work out and the baby girl had been adopted. Joan took it very well.’

After their quiet marriage at a ¬register office, they lived for a year in Asher’s family home in Central London. ‘We paid only ten shillings a week rent,’ Stuart says. ‘We then rented a one-bedroom flat in Tooting where we stayed throughout our married life. It never became too small as we didn’t have children. They just didn’t happen.

‘We never had much money, but after my fee for being in the Yorkie Bar advert, we managed to buy a tiny stone cottage in the Midi district of France and went there whenever we could. We weren’t bothered about the precariousness of the acting world. If we needed money, we’d get a different type of job. At one time, Joan sold cigarettes in Woolworths and I was a lorry driver.

‘We used to work all round the country. We performed together in Lock Up Your Daughters in Newcastle, for example, and I directed a play in Cheltenham and later did some TV including The Bill and Dr Finlay’s Casebook.’

Then, 25 years ago and completely out of the blue, Stuart was contacted by the mother of his child to say his daughter had traced her and wanted to meet her father. ‘We met for a drink. She was 19. We got on really well and over time got to really love each other. She is now married with two children. Luckily Joan and my daughter clicked too.’

Joan had by then decided she was fed up with acting and wanted to do something with plants and gardens, so they sold their house in France and used the money to buy a garden centre in South London. ‘She loved it but it was very hard work so I joined her as a partner and we worked together. We called it The Independent Republic of Patio. ¬People used to come in and sit and feel at peace. It was heaven for us.’

Stuart sold it a month before Joan died.

The first sign that Joan was not well came six years ago when she kept losing her balance. Stuart says: ‘A few months later she suddenly screamed for me. I rushed into the hall and found her about to keel over. Luckily I caught her. ’

She was taken to St George’s Hospital in Tooting and was originally diagnosed with a heart attack, then a stroke. ‘Eventually a French doctor said she thought it was corticobasal degeneration – a degeneration of the middle part of the brain. Joan was also displaying some symptoms of Parkinson’s.

‘Her old friend Jane, who is president of Parkinson’s UK, recommended a professor at The National Hospital for Neurology in London. Joan went in a week at a time for tests and was eventually diagnosed with Pick’s disease, which, as the French doctor predicted, would only be confirmed after she died.

‘I then became her full-time carer. I did all the cooking, washed her and did her hair and all the intimate things, which was OK for me but undignified for her. Social services used to come round but we both hated it, especially when some of them patronisingly called her ‘‘sweet pea’’. We were a very independent couple.’

Stuart rarely left her side. ‘I only went out to rush to Waitrose, or occasionally for an hour or so to do some watercolour painting in my shed in the garden. I rigged up a bell so she could ring if she needed me.

‘Physically she was so stiff and in such pain in the end that she could move only one hand slightly. Even holding a fork became impossible and she often couldn’t get to the commode in time. She deteriorated mentally too.

‘Then, last autumn, the doctor told me she had three months at best to live. Part of me knew she would eventually have to go into a hospice and be fed by tube, but neither of us wanted that. I knew they would look after her but they wouldn’t love her like I did and I didn’t want anyone else to care for her. ’

He remembers little about the days after Joan’s death. ‘The first thing I remember is being charged with murder in Sutton police station. At the time I didn’t know what they were talking about.’

He was kept in a police cell for two nights and then remanded to Belmarsh Prison where, at first, he was terrified.

‘There were three of us in a two-man cell. They were probably murderers but then that is what they called me.’

He organised Joan’s humanist funeral on February 18 this year from prison but was refused permission to go. Jane Asher spoke at the funeral. She said: ‘I have never seen two ¬people more entirely and devotedly in love . . . anyone could see they were a couple who would be together as long as fate would allow. ’

Joan’s ashes are now in a terracotta urn in Stuart’s living room.

He says: ‘I don’t regret what I did to Joan but I am sorry I didn’t succeed in killing myself, because it was our deal to go together.

‘She wasn’t like anyone else. I adored her but I don’t feel guilty. We both loved a Celtic ballad that had the lines “Oh that I could find me a handsome boatman to carry me over to my love and die.” ’

And he adds: ‘I like to think that I carried her to the other side.’

[the-east-art]

My other grandpa died this year. The relationship with him is in stark contrast with my other grandpa. I grew up with him and learned of his flaws as a person. He always did what he believed was good, but that does not mean his actions were always good. But he was loving. One of the aspects of his passing that haunts me the most is his paintings. My grandpa, at the end, was caring for his wife with failing memory, slowly being overtaken by dementia. It was surely a stressful job, living in the middle of nowhere as he stubbornly did. Once participating in many different communities, especially political ones, he tragically burned many bridges with his hereditary temper and withdrew more and more from society. It was hard not to be afraid of him in some ways, as my politics developed to be progressively more opposing to his. It was easy to stop thinking of him almost as a person. But as we gathered at his house for the funeral, in the basement I found easels and paints and paintings in progress. None were good. Many were imitations of things that seemed good, of cliches. But also many were genuine - the attempt to paint photos of his grandchildren, of his wife. It was genuine and honest in the way that only unskilled artists can be. And it spoke of a desire to fulfill himself in a new way, through art. To find a way to be at peace perhaps with his soul in a way art brings to oneself. He used to paint when he was younger, but stopped at some point. The haunting feeling of the unfinished paintings stays with me, brings me a kind of permanent sorrow. It speaks of a side of him I let myself ignore and be blind to. Rather than attempt to find and harvest.

At the end, as Covid complications claimed him, as his lungs gave out (so filled with liquid and other miasma that they showed up as white on X-rays) he asked my mom if this was the end, in a fearful and sad tone. And the turned to my father before they left, and excitedly told him that he had bought them both new rockhounding tools to go and try to find more fossils in the desert, as they had a few weeks ago.

I miss him also in a way that only a grandchild can, but opposite of my other grandfather. Instead of sorrow at the time we never had, I had sorrow for the time we did and I how I wasted it and let bitterness, fear, complacency still my hands and my words.

[henleyelgin]

HENLEY ELGIN ( 23. CIS MAN. HE/HIM ) is here! They’ve lived in Asbury Park for 23 YEARS and are originally from ASBURY PARK, NJ. They are a DOORDASH DRIVER and in their downtime love OBSERVING TIDE POOLS and WATCHING HARRY DEAN STANTON'S FILMOGRAPHY. They look a lot like OWEN TEAGUE and live in SUNCREST. The song that makes people think of them the most is SEEN AND NOT SEEN BY THE TALKING HEADS.

THE BASICS:

FULL NAME: henley david elgin

NICKNAMES: hen, mother hen (family nickname), hard-on henley (high school was rough)

GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis man & he/him

AGE & BIRTHDAY: 23 & may 1, 2001

ZODIAC: ☼ taurus ☾ leo ↑ pisces

BIRTHPLACE: asbury park, nj

MBTI & ALIGNMENT: intp & lawful good

+ TRAITS: diligent, open-minded, steadfast, independent

- TRAITS: obsessive, repressed, cagey, scatterbrained

RESIDENCE: suncrest

OCCUPATION: doordash driver

LINKS: pinterest / playlist / tasks

BACKGROUND & DETAILS:

henley spent the majority of his childhood in foster care, bouncing from home to home all around jersey with very little stability or sense of routine. it wasn't until he was placed with the elgins that he was officially adopted, just shy of his thirteenth birthday.

he found himself to be temporarily the youngest (with three siblings older than him), but the elgins' propensity to foster and adopt continued on, making henley into a middle child before long. no one knows how it happened, but he took on the responsibility of head-counter in the family, often corralling his siblings for family outings and tying shoes or chasing down jackets before school. he definitely preened a little whenever they were complimented for being so well-behaved during sermon.

which, speaking of, the elgins are christian evangelicals. they're big on proselytizing and being active in the community - meaning: not only was every sunday spent at the church, but countless hours were devoted to volunteer work.

if henley wasn't into it, he never said a word. being welcomed into their household so warmly still somehow left him feeling as if he was walking a very precarious line; that if he didn't behave exactly right, then he'd lose his place. how much of that fear is genuine or learned from past foster home experiences, henley isn't sure (and he doesn't wanna examine it either, tbh), but its there and ingrained deeply that love is conditional.

he was very much Not Popular in high school if that wasn't already obvious.......

has a tendency to be kinda feral and awkward in most social situations, esp when abruptly put one on one with someone he doesn't know particularly well

literally him actually

henley worked summers at silverball retro arcade all throughout high school until his senior year when the owner accused him of stealing, like, a ton of money over the course of his employment. it caused quite the stir at the time, and its still unclear if he actually did it, since his parents swooped in to stop any legal action from being taken. was he let off the hook bc of his parents position in the community? was he falsely accused? who can say! henley def ain't making a peep <3

currently, he's a doordash driver with a great rating, he loves his night drives!

henley's also been taking classes at the local community college for the last year or so. he really has no outright goal or major in mind, but he's taking a lot of science-based courses (microbiology, botany, geology, etc) and more or less using it as an excuse to get space from his parents.

getting that space has led him to rent the basement mother-in-law suite from an old guy in suncrest. it took a couple weeks of living there for him to realize that he'd landed such a good deal bc the owner legit had dementia and kept confusing him for his grandson - oops! complex guilt has henley doing all the yard work and misc home repairs to make up for all the money he's saving. he's an honorary grandkid now 💕

he's a jersey native through and through, and at this point i think he's a little terrified of leaving the state at all.

like imagine that ep of iasip where they put charlie in the uhaul

fascinated by fungi and root systems and mold and spores, etc etc. like.. functional communication solely done through intertwined nervous systems? A DREAM SCENARIO

king of contradiction!! he's boasting on job applications that he can "go with the flow" but the truth is that he'll just agree with whoever he's with in the moment to keep the peace. big time fawner when it comes to conflict

had an insane edibles incident a little after his 21st bday where he wound up convinced he was a werewolf for like a solid 4 hours lmfao help the boy!!

loves cats sm, he's guilty of feeding strays down by the boardwalk

bee gees, beastie boys, and bjork - the 3 most important b's to henley

POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS:

as always, i love dash chem 💖 i'm always down to go with the flow and hc after the fact, or even just dive into a random scenario and see where it takes us!!

family friends - anyone else who grew up on pine street or may know the elgins in whatever form!

people from high school - leaving this open to all sorts of fun connections ~ friends, distant admirers, bullies, ex-friends 👀, old lab partners, pretty much whatever ur heart desires.

neighbors - others who live in suncrest! maybe even the actual child or grandchild of the old man he's renting from lmao

an unrequited / secret crush - like i said, henley's socially inept and he's never had a girlfriend. very easily could see this as a secret admirer type sitch?? he's liable to be obsessive and weird abt it but it's just soooo easy to idealize someone u don't really know at all 😔

an internet gf - ok i know i just said henley's never had a gf before everyone knows the internet isn't real!! djekns there's a lot of ways this could go but i mostly just imagine it as someone he exchanges silly goofy messages with a lot. could be a catfish scenario? maybe they've never shared pics or maybe they know who he is irl and he doesn't realize? idk could be a fun reveal down the line!!

doordash regulars - OR even, a horrible awkward doordash delivery gone wrong <3 anything for a chaotic first meeting thread

bad influence - please please pleasepleaseplsea please palease

older siblings ? - i miiiiiight put in a wc for them at some point, but henley's 2 eldest siblings are the bio kids of his parents, whereas the one closest to him in age was also adopted. i imagine the other adopted sibling to be more outspoken and clash with the fam, maybe even left home quickly. there's a lot to explore between all their dynamics

[tcfkag]

2024 and the Return of the To-Done List

So, after a year during which (a) our daughter ran full-speed (literally) into the trying two's, (b) I had multi-focal pneumonia that resulted in a week or two in the hospital (including a brief sojourn in the ICU), (c) I had bizarre, seemingly inexplicable seizures for the first time ever [which meant I couldn't drive for six months...right after we moved to a semi-"rural" town...for the northeast that is], (d) had an acute kidney injury, (e) had several bouts of unexplained pitting edema in my legs, (f) started a new job that I actually really like, even if there is a steep learning curve, and (g) lost my Mom after a long battle with mild to moderate dementia/Alzheimer's that then dropped off a cliff into end-stage dementia in less than six months (depending on how you count it), and (h) just generally felt like I was never managing my physical or mental health as well as I could or should be, I'm going to try to make some changes. These aren't resolutions because I truly think that New Year's resolutions just set you up to fail. Instead, I'd call them goals. Or, at least, hope that I want to support with action as much as I can. While still giving myself grace knowing that I can and probably will mess up along the way. But, the first step is that I'm going to try to bring back a kind of journaling-like activity (since I suck at journaling) that my old therapist recommended when I was feeling like this before. Each day I make a list, generally on Tumblr for at least a tiny modicum of peer pressure, and I just make a list of everything I've done that day. No matter how big or how small. As she put it "make it your base assumption that each day, you will do absolutely nothing, so you get credit for everything, even things as simple as showering. I frequently restart these lists when my depression and anxiety have gotten bad enough that I know I'm not taking care of myself, mentally and physically, so a big part of my goals are (a) to move more [in whatever form that takes], (b) eating healthier, and (c) to take care of several medical/dental appointments that I've been putting off for way too long. The beauty of the list is that, a lot of the time, I ended up doing stuff BECAUSE of the list. So that I won't be staring at an empty page as I try to make my list each year.

Things I'm proud of today...so far:

when we took Peanut to the trampoline park to burn off some of her "no daycare today suckers" energy and this time, I bought a jump pass for myself. I only made it ~30 minutes but it was a great work-out. 10/10 would recommend.

I took the dogs for the "long" trail walk out to the back of our property,

I did a core and flexibility routine this morning,

I decided to take one for the team and point out to my Uncle that the nostalgia he feels about Aunt Jemimah as a syrup mascot isn't as important as the company making money off the likeness of a woman who died 100 years ago who was used as a stand in for the generic idea of what an enslaved (or recently freed) Black woman did or should do, and (finally)

this one is a few days late, but not only did we drive 12+ hours to visit my in-laws for Christmas, but we also stopped in NJ in both directions to pick up Monotasker's Aunt who is 80-years-old, hard of hearing, and in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's and I didn't even lose my shit at a single person...even the ones who deserved it.

Happy New Years everyone!

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows." (Jason Mraz) And even if the worst of your todays are the best of your tomorrows, I hope you can still find your way out and through by the light of the moon to guide you.

[secondsonaym]

(Loud inhale)

Okay just to be upfront with everyone it's very likely my hiatus will have to extend into and for the duration of july

Namely because of the state of my hand and I really want to figure out what the fuck is wrong with it before doing any more intensive art projects

Because I still have yet to see a rheumatologist and getting a new appointment after my last one got cancelled has been a hell and a half

I'll go more in depth as to what IRL stuff is happening with me below the cut for anyone who cares.

CW for dementia

Last year my Nana, maternal grandmother, started showing signs of dementia. She hadn't been doing so hot for the past decade anyway, as my papa died and left her alone given she doesn't live near my paternal grandparents and our family only visited the grandparents every other year for about three weeks at a time

She currently lives in assisted living, but her condition is pretty much a state of "the best we can do is make sure she's cared for and comfortable"

This summer, my family will be coming over, but it's very likely a lot of time spent will be on getting her assets and the like in order, because my paternal grandparents have basically had to help her with her bills and whatnot.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, it's going to be fucking rough. It was last year on my birthday that we got the biggest sign something was wrong (though I had noticed details before, we didn't move to take action until then), so that date is actually rather tainted for me at the moment--and I hadn't exactly been feeling great about my birthday before all this either, honestly

So basically my brain has entered a state of shutdown where I'm trying to reserve my mental and emotional energy for what is going to be a very hard time. I wouldn't be surprised if something like this makes my parents consider moving back to the states, just to be closer to Nana.

I'm sorry if I seem snippish or rude towards people pushing me about the AU, but at this point in time, I need to be there for my relatives first, and then myself second.

I'm glad you all are still sticking around, and I'm grateful for your patience, but PLEASE try to maintain a respectable distance and understand I have other obligations and priorities at the moment.