#delicious Sam episode

[squashberri-art]

Wasn’t planning to come back with a doodle but…he looks so good in this scene 👹👹👹

[bardicious]

I would take a break from watching spn, but I'm not confident I would go back after this, so Imma keep at it.

[spnregular]

11.16, 11.17, 11.19

Fun collection of moments where Dean is fucked up or not sleeping because he feels like he needs to rescue Cas v. Sam being like dang, it ain't that deep! Let's hunt!

Bonus, 11.18 Dean crying out for Cas when Amara is taking away Lucifer:

[shallowseeker]

It's so interesting too, that in sundering themselves from their humble backgrounds, Crowley and Rowena mirror that which was inflicted on them, trying to become their oppressors (a Godstiel theme, if you care):

In Hell, Crowley is a king who commands no respect and begets no real loyalty. He's become a classist bastard. Dark ages-mentality.

Along with Rowena, Crowley inflicts pain on the ones "beneath" him, trampling the rebellious demons, especially the ones that stand up for "equal pay for equal work."

///

And it's not exactly as Crowley tells Sam at the end of s10—a long con to "change" Hell for the better.

That's a half-truth Crowley is using to make himself feel better.

A LOT of Crowley's behavior has been shown to be flagrant, for his own amusement to satisfy his own pain and loneliness. We got to see that all season long. Even before Rowena showed!

This line is intended to appeal to Sam and soothe Crowley's deeply wounded humanity. It's another version of "for the greater good."

Sam also uses things like this to pad his own wounded humanity.

///

In Girls, Girls, Girls, Crowley insists that "human trafficking is tacky," which is another form of padding to protect his pride. This helps Crowley look away from reality. He did the same, trafficking Dean to Cain, as Randy trafficked Claire to Randy in order to get a stronghold against his enemies/debt.

Most importantly, Crowley is looking away from the fact that his clients are all selling their souls, that his Hell-workers have already sold theirs.

But most importantly, he's looking away from the fact that he trafficked himself. That's how he got here. Crowley, like Rowena, was dealt a horrible hand.

It's as in 10x21:

STYNES: There's always profit to be made from desperation.

///

And it's no accident that s10 dead-ends in themes of Frankenstein.

Crowley wanted to rule over Hell, but in Demon Dean, he wanted to patchwork someone together who could "see what he sees, feel what he feels."

Dean becomes Crowley's very own Nick the SIren, an immature combination of all things familiar, someone "just like me!"

And when Dean fled to Anne-Marie, to his "humanity," Crowley was gob-smacked. "That's someone the old you would fall for," he says. Spoiler alert: Dean was falling for her. Anne-Marie is, in essence, a stand-in for Dean's humanity.

Dean and Anne-Marie linger in the spectre of Daniel and Adina, Adina resembling Anne-Marie AND Dean, wanting to go "somewhere else," and Daniel like Cain in: "just wanting to be left alone." (It's no wonder, then, that it is Crowley who kills Adina.)

Dean was supposed to be Crowley's perfect Hell-"Queen," someone just like him. But Dean wasn't a queen. He wasn't a lot of things people wanted him to be.

Not what John wanted, not what God wanted.

Dean wasn't even a proper knight. As much as Cain pegged him for a mirror, as being "just like Cain himself," Dean didn't do ANYTHING Cain predicted because Cain, like Chuck, like the audience, has got Dean dead wrong.

Dean is Dean.

He's not John. He's not Crowley, and he sure as Hell isn't Cain.

///

Next,

Let's note that in 10x21, a girl was killed and her EYES were taken. This is emphasized for many reasons.

But in a big way, this blindness mirrors Demon Dean himself. His "pretty black peepers." Crowley said to him, "See what I see, feel what I feel."

These themes swirl around the whole season because as Dean is reckoning with what Crowley did to him, Crowley is reckoning with his own life.

What Rowena did to him. With his original, terrible, abusive human life. With his own demon deal.

To Crowley, it seemed like Dean could be the answer, the balm to his boredom, to his lack of purpose and, like with Amara being wounded by Chuck, a Holy tourniquet to that core wound left in Crowley by Rowena.

///

Aside/// Dean is more successful than Crowley:

Crowley gets much of his kingdom through MOC!Dean's battle prowess/defeat of Abbadon. Dean's sacrifices are the foundation of Crowley's current kingdom and ability to succeed.

There's an off-key parallel with Sam here. Dean's sacrifices in many ways enabled Sam to go to college and have a chance to succeed.

Even now, Sam gets a lot of friendship and love by proxy through Dean's preexisting, strongly forged connections. In season 10, we see Sam at his worst: Sam manipulates others via the loyalty Dean has earned.

Sam's (and Rowena's and Crowley's) lack of social grace and inability to make friends stand in stark contrast to characters like Dean. Sam, Rowena, and Crowley feel like outsiders, and they can't reckon with why. Even getting power and status doesn't seem to help them, and that frustrates them all!

SPN has plenty of other outsiders, sure. But I get the sense that Sam, Crowley, and Rowena struggle more than others do.

Even with awkward characters like Cas, people seem to follow him even when he doesn't want them to. People don't naturally follow Sam, (and actually, it's even more complicated than that—he's afraid of leading). Sam really has to work on it with the AU hunters.

By comparision, Dean, Mary, Cas, and Jack, all characters with big hearts, seem effortlessly able to form these deep connections. They don't seem to need recipes or a rulebook for "How to Win Friends and Influence."

(Aside/// It doesn't save big-hearted characters from getting duped, of course, and respectively, Cas and Dean are fresh off being manipulated by Metatron and Crowley!)

///

But anyway, Crowley wants to be top dog, and it's a losing battle.

Crowley denigrates those who remain loyal to him, calling them stupid and useless, and one wonders if this is what Crowley heard daily after his mother left and he went into the workhouse?

As a leader, it's not a good look for Crowley, and it's shown that his behavior actually makes him a weaker king, not a stronger one. He becomes paranoid that their loyalty is cheap and that they'd betray him the first chance they get.

And well. He's right.

Interestingly, it's this that Sam senses in him—this that Sam hates. It's a self-hatred, too. It's about the rigged game, maestro!

///

Rowena hates what Sam represents; Sam hates what Crowley represents

Rowena hates The Men of Letters. At first, spitting on Sam and Dean is a big "fuck you" to the upper class.

So, too, does Sam spit on Crowley as emblematic of Hell, as emblematic of the thing that had tried to lure Sam in as a "boy-king," a promise of power but with the harsh reality of only being needed ONLY for his parts (meat suit).

Sam beats on Crowley because he can't beat on Ruby, or on Lucifer, or on John. Because (and Sam's not exactly wrong!), "because Crowley has it coming."

Crowley killed their loved ones (Sarah, etc). Then he duped Dean and dangled him in front of Cain as cannon fodder for his war.

(But it isn't all Crowley's fault! It's the system of Hell at fault.)

///

And the Crowley-Metatron parallels are delicious, too...

VS

Metaron duped Cas and used him as cannon fodder for his war. Then Metatron ordered their loves ones (Kevin) to be killed.

(But it isn't all Metatron's fault. It's the system of Heaven.)

///

They're ALL in Hell, in one way or another. In a sense, they're climbing down off the rack to stick it to perfect scapegoats (monsters, demons, whatever) who "have it coming."

Metatron and Crowley are also intrinsically linked. They both have extremely UGLY family wounds, and they're slowly falling towards their own humanity.

///

Preying on desperation isn't just a demon thing:

You know the ruse: finding vulnerable people and preying on them by promising them either protection or something to protect their families.

Like Cas preyed on Jimmy, like Dean manipulated Kevin emotionally, like Metatron preyed on Cas, like Crowley dangled Dean in front of Cain then used him as a Hell-worker, like Randy swooped in on Claire, like Rowena is trying to prey on Crowley.

YET. Sam doesn't want to admit that he's done the same! He swooped in on Lester when he was at his lowest in order to manipulate him, like Sam's using Charlie's love for Dean to get her to go whole-hog into a dangerous mission.)

///

The backdrop of forgiveness:

Interesting then, that you have this whole backdrop of forgiveness: Claire forgiving Randy, Dean forgiving Crowley, Claire forgiving her mom, Cole forgiving Dean, Claire forgiving Cas.

Crowley laments that Rowena is a liar, and Dean frankly calls him out about lying to him and setting him up to be the fall-boy with the Mark, "guess it runs in the family."

Cas laments that he can't put Claire in danger, and she calls him out too, "Anything else, you mean."

But it's not THAT simple either! Even "virtuous, forgiving" characters like Dean and Claire are still spiraling down into hunting, and Cas is still eagerly sticking his knife into low-level demon-soldiers.

No one's hands are clean, not even those who symbolize forgiveness and change. It's so messy!

///

It's so interesting, then. How Sam and Rowena mirror each other more directly.

They can't seem to forgive anything. Because they can't bear, in all of their stalwart perfectionism, to really look at themselves.

Sam can't forgive Crowley. He can't forgive himself.

Sam goes through the motions of "a team effort" with Charlie and Cas, but like Rowena, he trades more easily in the business of selective truths and manipulation.

And that's a big thing, isn't it? Sam, Rowena, and Crowley are alike in this manner.

They want people beside them to assuage their own wounds.

They tend to rule in fits of misguided ruthlessness and subterfuge to get people into positions where they can use them, as they themselves have been used. They struggle out from under the boot...

Rowena can't forgive the entire world for being rigged.

Neither can Sam.

He couldn't be further than Claire Novak this season. But can we blame Sam? Let's step back for a sec and cut him some slack:

Sarah Blake in season 8. That was like two seconds ago for Sam. She was killed right in front of Sam BY Crowley. To think this is ONLY about Dean runs the risk of oversimplifying Sam. (And yeah, Sam could've tried harder to save the Trans fam, but let's not forget that Crowley was who he had to save them from.)

His need for vengeance shouldn't come as a surprise, and I don't think it should be simplified to "homophobia" either, like I sometimes see.

CROWLEY: Well, I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused – the one thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes! They're your life's work, and I'm going to rip it apart piece by piece because I can, because you can't stop me, and because when they're all gone, what will you have left?

This is a very Luciferian comment by Crowley, and it's interesting to how very like Lucifer some of his actions can be. Lucifer says very similar dialogue to the above when he's posssessing Vince Vincente/rockstar.

///

It's another way that Rowena and Sam's plots are hopelessly intertwined.

Sam's hangups are about being squashed beneath the boot, but instead of finding another shoe, he's so afraid and so paranoid that he becomes the boot.

Dean and Cas are not immune to this. (Ahem, see Godstiel.) And perhasp Kevin Tran is to Dean as Charlie is to Sam. Miracle cure-Gadreel is a little bit like miracle-cure Book of the Damned, if you think about it... just on a smaller scale.

Sam tries to save his family not dissimilar to how his family saved him, by locking Deab up for detox, for doing "whatever it takes to save him."

But he's Sam, so it comes out... very Sam-like. On a big, destructive, and very CUNNING, pragmatic, and manipulative way. As we see in the early seasons, Sam is willing to go further. Into forbidden knowledge and outright human sacrifice.

///

Like Rowena, Sam WILL tend to save his own skin this season, and with them both, there are "substitute sacrifices" involved.

Symbolically, Oskar is a substitute sacrifice for them both. (And before you get too into the idea of Dean being "immune," it's the way Jack will later, unfortunately, be allowed to be a "substitute sacrifice/bomb" - re Dean's: "Thank you, Jack. " Dean also expresses relief that for once he and Sam won't be the ones sacrificing etc etc' ; war son stuff etc etc)

ANYWAY.

Other characters' struggle with this theme of class doesn't seem as prolonged and ever-present as what we see in Sam, Rowena, and Crowley.

Cas and Dean are, on the whole, more likely to be upset with systems and forgive the individuals caught up in it. (SEE: Dean forgives Crowley for selling him out, Claire forgives Randy for betraying her, and Cas has mercy on Metatron in s12).

That was a lot of words to say that Sam, Rowena, and Crowley are fundamentally linked and it's so tasty to me.

[ivywalkers]

God I just can’t get over how fucking good this chapter of Candela is. The storytelling is top notch and the entire cast has completely blown me away and it’s only the first episode. I thought I fell hard for last chapters characters. Little did I know what I was in for

[persimminwrites]

the look of Pure Panic on joel's face when that one infected slipped into the back of the car ellie was in and you SEE on his face that he knew he couldn't do anything to help her he just has to sit and watch in that moment and he was powerless to protect her That THAT is what the fuck craig mazin is talking about when he says these two are meant to be together but LOOK OUT LIKE

[seluneclerics]

Spoilers for Netflix’s Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft

so how are we feeling about ss endurance chat?

how much doomed yuri do you think i can handle before i tap out?

the way in one of the eps lara freaks out and just caves, deciding to call sam even though she’s been avoiding her after yamati situation… they need to reconcile with each other so bad it hurts, i’ll forever hate square for writing out their kiss and retconning their relationship because of dudebro homophobia. after watching all 8 eps, i’d say the series is def a 8.5/10 for me personally!! i love how much they’re leaning into this side of lara, and how much the other characters are willing to call her out lol

i know due to some of the themes it’s definitely gonna get shit on by dudebros and journalists alike, which makes enjoying it so much sweeter. there’s so much queer subtext with lara’s character here (and her relationship with sam) that it’s almost asinine to deny it. since they’re obviously setting up something with sam given the end of episode 8, i’m excited to see what direction season 2 goes, and what the reaction to that will be.

as for the plot, i think the villain of the season was okay, it’s definitely nice that they mirrored his trauma with that of lara’s own, though i think more could have been done with the whole “light organization” plot line. it felt like they were supposed to be trinity levels of bad, but we’re only really told about the bad things they’ve done, rather than shown it. there’s def room for improvement writing wise but all in all it was a good watch, would recommend if you’re a fan of the trilogy

the ss endurance subtext is so delicious. give me 15 of ‘em

[souporsaladnatural]

I've seen alot of people talk about how dean wouldn't let cas heal him after he beat the shit out of him while under rowenas attack dog spell, which yes yes delicious angst i get it

HOWEVER I haven't seen anybody bring up how the next episode "Baby" pretty much starts with sam mentioning to dean that cas was bitching about it to him which is just SO fucking funny to me

[lizardkingeliot]

The thing is tho... okay.

Here's the thing.

AMC’s Interview with the Vampire has so effectively driven home the point that Lestat loves Louis without condition and will continue loving him to the same degree forever regardless of the passage of time and regardless of what Louis has done that sometimes it's easy to forget that, like... Louis doesn't actually know that. Sometimes I'm really just like what do you MEAN Louis de Pointe du Lac doesn't know he's Lestat de Lioncourt's heartbeat now and forever Louis de Pointe du Lac do you even watch the SHOW.

Anyway. I don't know what I'm trying to say here but I think it's something about the romantic angst of it all. The way Lestat is going to be forced to betray Claudia and Louis in Paris during the trial leaving Louis with the belief that Lestat doesn't want him. He will view this as a rejection and this is the reason why he is going to spend the next 77 years of his life with Armand. This is why he couldn't just reach out to Lestat post-Paris and try to work things out. I’m not saying anything new here, I know. Most of us have worked this out already. It took me a while to get there yesterday when I was digesting the episode because, like I said, Lestat’s love is so obvious it’s easy to forget Louis really doesn’t know. But listen….

Louis is deeply unwell in 1973 San Francisco. When Lestat asks him why he’s ill all I can think right now is… well. Because he doesn’t have you. Even before he walked into the sun he was ill because he doesn’t have you. Ill in New Orleans after the deed was done. Ill in Paris and sustaining himself with memories so vivid it was like Lestat was there in the room. Ill in San Francisco when Armand could have ended it all by relaying Lestat's words to Louis, and didn't. Ill in Dubai searching the well of memory trying to find his way back to something like sanity again...

But listen. Sam Reid said Lestat very much thinks Louis is dead after 1973. This tracks. It fits very neatly with the ~theme. With what this season is trying to do wrt the romantic angst of it all. Maybe Lestat is still locked up in a dungeon or underground somewhere sleeping, maybe he isn't. Maybe he's rotting away in New Orleans, wrecked with grief, thinking about walking out and greeting the sun every morning when it rises and he's reminded Louis is gone. I guess we'll find out soon enough…

But listen. There's not some great conclusion I'm trying to arrive at with this post. I'm just spinning my wheels thinking about how delicious the tropes on this show truly are. To separate a love like that, to have Louis believe Lestat doesn't want him and have Lestat believe that Louis is dead. Well, friends... that sounds like a recipe for a grand reunion to me. And maybe what I'm trying to do with this post is toss another coin in the wishing well of a potential season 3. Because you can't have a love story like this that is destined to end in a reunion only to come back the next season to pretend it doesn't matter. I don't know. Maybe you can. But I really hope they don't. I really hope when they come back together at the end of this nightmare, when Lestat is finally permitted to have a voice of his own, that voice will be echoing through the halls of their home, because he'll be telling his story to Louis.

[lambmotifz]

s1-3 wincest is so good: the pining, the intimacy, a dash of tenderness….but i’ll forever be obsessed with their s4-5 dynamic because it’s gut wrenching and so deliciously angsty and toxic, the sexual tension between them in the siren episode, the growing power imbalance, dean’s anger and sam’s guilt….late kripke era wincest makes me a little insane

[anoninlondon]

THOUGHTS ABOUT ACGAS SERIES 5 (that nobody asked for…)

First, I love the show. I love its feel, its atmosphere, its decency and respect towards people and animals alike. I love the actors and all those who contribute to give us such lovely 7 hours of joy every year. And I’m really happy that so many people enjoyed S5.

**I hope not to be a downer to those people**

I really want to be one of them. I started so positively, absolutely loving the warm feeling of the first 3 episodes. We had really great moments - James’s struggle and return, the emotional telegram moment, Audrey *wrenning* herself into a warden uniform (and Siegfried’s reaction to it), Mrs P being her wingwoman, Jenny looking outside the farm and Helen coming to terms with it, Jimmy(s) just being cute, Carmody in all shapes and forms, Tristan hugging people, the dogs (of course the dogs)… it’s really good to remember the nice bits 😊.

Sadly, once we got into episode 4, for me things started to go a bit downhill. The locked door antics were funny, but I found them funny in a clumsy way. It’s nice that Tris and Richard came to an accord, but it felt weak, not supported by an actual understanding of one another. The last 10 minutes of the ep were delicious, but a bit too little to sustain the whole thing. Still, I was hopeful. But going forward, I really struggled to find much substance, and I’m annoyed by that. Tris drinking and going out every night - apparently because he had a *good* war? From the show that gave us the intensity of Siegfried’s and Audrey’s traumas related to the WWI, it really felt weak and inconsistent. No mention of Edward (though I still hope it’s in a PBS cut). Audrey’s warden experience - not to mention the wonderful Jeremy Swift - was used just for some comic relief - this is the same character that gave us such a window into her emotional struggle last season. I could go on, but you get the idea. James and Helen’s story was first and last episode. They kind of disappeared in the middle, and while the last episode was brilliant for them, there was very little build up throughout that again, it felt inconsistent.

Also, I wasn’t hyped by the press highlighting the ship or annoyed by the insertion of Miss Grantley. If used well, it could have been brilliant, but it felt flat. We had Siegfried wearing his heart on his sleeve for ages (Sam and Anna’s performance at the end of the last series was a masterclass in things deeply felt and not said) and suddenly we have the last episode of the series in which they barely speak to one another, Siegfried’s pride hurt by Miss Grantley’s rebuff, Audrey holding the fort by being super housekeeper, each in their own “box”. The Farnon brothers’ walk was funny and superbly acted by Sam and Callum, but it didn’t give us anything new - I thought they were far beyond their squabbles, and their time together could have been put to better use.

I just think that it was a bit of a waste. A fun, light, frothy series ( and no, I didn’t want drama for drama’s sake) where the only resolved arc, for me, was Carmody’s. The other characters are still beautifully dangling without a resolution. They gave us great performances, tender moments, lighthearted laughs, but it kind of feels disconnected and childish. It wouldn’t have taken much (after all, they have given us so much for 4 and half years!) and yet.

I don’t know if the show and the writers are changing direction (I hope not) or there is something I missed (probably) or it’s simply a way to drag things along (mostly the ship, but not exclusively). I hope (eternal optimist) for a CS that will pick up all the threads left hanging and will put them beautifully together as in the past - just under the Christmas tree for us to unwrap.

[soft-pine]

okay so @monstermoviedean is watching s14 rn and her takes are god tier!!! and you should all go read her blog please!

but it just makes me want to talk about lebanon/14.13 so much! like it really is one of my favorite episodes of spn. which is crazy i know because i truly hate john with every fiber of my being but i think this episode reveals so much about him & dean's relationship with him with delicious subtly!

and i've yapped at random on twitter about this but i want to gather all my thoughts in one place.

dean's relationship with john is The most important relationship in spn that i'm interested in unpacking. (i am normal and fine and this has nothing to do with my own issues)

i think for some people who understand john as abusive, it is frustrating and jarring to see him come back after so many years and just be kinda nice. especially given that dean has just finally started to talk to his family about some of the bad things john did.

i maintain that dean has been pretty clear with cas and like random strangers that his dad was shitty. but in 14.11, he tells mary the winchester surprise story. while he doesn't frame the story as truly a critique of john, it is a contrast to his quiet silence and pained expression after newly-resurrected mary says john was a good father in 12.02. in 14.12, dean opens up to sam about how when john was pissed off at dean, he would send him away. this is a stark new light on dean's comments from 7.14 where he apologizes to sam for sometimes "ditching him" when they were kids. sam quickly shuts down dean's apology in 14.12 and subsequent discussion about dean's regrets and feelings about john. but since sam's shift in his opinion about john in 2.02, dean pretty consistently keeps his criticism to himself in front of sam so this is a marked change. and the very next episode script draft includes the infamous "probably pulled the wide-eye hitchhiker routine. dad made me do it all the time on hunts. as bait." so, given the episodes and revelations that bookend 14.13, it's understandable how hard it is to see john and dean interact at all.

but i think it's perfect! because it so clearly shows every truth of their relationship.

firstly, we can look at who john apologizes to. in 1.16, 1.20, and 14.13 john is reunited with sam & dean after time apart. and in all three episodes, he apologizes and/or works to make amends with sam for their fractured relationship. in fact, in 14.13, it's a mention of the winchester surprise that triggers john's apology to sam.

in contrast, the only time john apologizes to dean for his childhood is 2.01 when he says sorry for making dean always have to look after him and sam. and then promptly asks him to kill sam if he has to.

it's crushing to me that at no point does john see the way he treated dean as anything to make amends for. instead, in 1.21 and 14.13, he frames dean not "having a home" or "having a family," "a normal life" as circumstances outside his control or as somehow dean's choice. and yet, john is entirely responsible. he is the one moving dean from school to school, getting him into credit card fraud, taking him on hunts. in 12.09 it's established that dean has as long arrest/warrant record which includes things we never see him getting arrested for in canonical spn. he is the one who always said hunting was temporary (6.02) and yet never allowed for a way out. so even though john's affect is kinder, we know he isn't meaningfully taking accountability for a huge amount of his actions.

it's the reason for the kinder affect we can look at next. because what is one of the most common indicators of abusive dynamics? treating people differently in public vs private. and critically for almost all of 14.13, mary is observing john. and we know that despite their marital problems (5.16), she considered him a good father. he doesn't know that the life he forced sam and dean into is the very worst thing she could have imagined for her children (4.03), but we can tell from his apologies to sam that john is at least aware of things he did which he regrets.

before mary arrives, he is giving sam and dean orders, "You boys better tell me what the hell is going on right now." i recognize he's very disoriented but this affect disappears entirely after mary shows up. i cannot overstate how much i love how not stern and harsh john is here because it shows that he could have always chosen to be like that. but there weren't negative consequences (a wife who might be angry with him) to face.

i've said before that i think one of the reasons that john kept sam & dean away from hunter gatherings and meeting other hunters (2.03, 12.06) is because hunters they met might have acted exactly how dean acts to krissy's dad in 7.11 and told him to quit. the hunters/community john did maintain relationships with were sometimes kinda shitty people - Deacon (2.19), Travis (4.04), Martin (8.09). not that Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Bill Harvell, Daniel Elkin were necessarily like that but I do think its worth looking at who John's friends who he didn't have a falling-out with were. Like Fred Jones who gave Sam & Dean their first beers when they weren't even 10 (8.08).

some other details about that first reunion kitchen conversation that always stick out to me are john finishing the drink dean pours for him while dean & sam barely touch theirs. it's also significant to me that dean tells mary in 12.01 that john died to save him. but here, he tells john that he died taking out yellow-eyes (which is literally not what happened. like specifically he died by making a deal with azazel). dean, always working to deescalate and maintain the peace, instantly clocks which thing they will each find more soothing to hear.

one thing that i see people often critique is the idea that john coming back is somehow the thing dean wished for the most. but what dean actually says is that this is something he's wanted since he was four years old. so it's really not about john back at all. john died when dean was 27. but mary died when dean was four. and that cause nearly every hard, traumatic, awful thing in dean's life. to some extent, i think it was about wanting john to have mary back. throughout dean's entire life, john used the loss of mary as an excuse for how he acted and what he made dean & sam do. so of course what dean wants most is... for that not to have happened.

and this brings my to my second favorite part of the episode. but you'll only catch if you're paying attention. dean says he's thrilled to have john back and yet at every chance he gets, he leaves the room john's in. he leaves the kitchen when john reunites with mary. dean gets the grocery list from mary while john has a tearful apology with sam. dean talks to john again only because he has to tell him about the pearl but then leaves to help cook. after dinner, he goes to do the dishes. dean really is not actually trying to spend time with john - even when they get a deadline for when their time with him is over, dean is not trying to make the most of it. and god i love him for that.

i sympathize with people who are frustrated to see dean fall back into the role of caretaker for john's emotions and wellbeing. and i agree but i appreciate that it is very clear that's what's happening. he's performing the role he's always been forced to perform. he may be more aware of it as a performance this time. he may be taking more steps to remove himself from having to interact with john. but i would almost feel worse if he wasn't getting john a drink, doing what he said, going on little errands, cooking, cleaning up. john says "You want to give your mom a hand?" and of course he goes.

i think dean always has held both deep hurt from and empathy for john and this episode is full of both of them. and while i think it's always hard to hear dean slip back into those moments of empathy (8.12 is always rough for me), it's so real that's where he would be sometimes. so much of being a child who's made responsible for your parent's emotions means that there is such a deep part of you that wants to protect them from harm.

i personally think the song "til it shines" by bob seger is an insane choice to play over their dinner scene. because, though that's not the part of the song that plays, the lines "Take the chip off of my shoulder. Smooth out all the lines. Take me out among the rustling pines, till it shines, ah, till it shines" always strike me as trying to see something through rose-tinted glasses in a way. or maybe acknowledging the performative, white-washing that's being done?

anyway, i understand why people want dean to have a cathartic yelling session with john. but honestly im not sure that would ever sit right with me. i think honestly 14.13 is kind of perfect. john comes back and it proves everything. john could always be kind (he took you to a freaking baseball game (4.19)). he could always apologize. he always did say he wanted the boys to get out of hunting but never even tried to make it happen.

and that brings me to my favorite part of the episode. my darling. my baby. my treasure. dean says, "i have a family." and what that means to him is his own. he gets to keep it. he gets to mean it without john's scrutiny. without him tearing it apart. the conversation sam & dean have over dishes is another deeply meaningful part. dean specifically rejects the idea of telling john the truth about any of it - even if it would change things. because he's good with who he is. "Cause our lives – they’re ours."

this matters so much to me because i don't think dean's healing can ever be contingent on john - not on his reaction, not on finally telling him the truth, not on john getting comeuppance for all the shit he did, not even on changing the past so john has more information because the critical thing that 14.13 and 4.19 show is that john literally did not do the best he could. so what could change that?

in the kitchen, dean tells sam that he blamed john for "the longest time". do you understand how much it means to me to hear him say that?! because i think of course blaming john is the first step! dean was hurt and he was angry about that and he should be!

but dean's healing can't just stop there. while i know there will be moments as he heals where he's angry with john again, the beautiful core of dean's healing i see in 14.13 is him being clear on where the boundary of him and his wants, goals, needs, and priorities are vs john's. i think a lot of dean's young relationship with john was him being forced to keep parts of himself (the parts that didn't like to hunt for example) secret out of shame and necessity. but here, i don't think dean is carrying that shame anymore. he is very clear on how what he wants from his life differs from what john would want but dean sticks to his own values. he has a family. he's good with who he is. it's just none of john's goddamn business.

anyway, as always mitski says it best....

plus we get two of THE MOST shots of dean's face of all time for me!!! like my god stabbing me would hurt less!!!

plus! PLUS!! CHERRY ON TOP!!! LOOK AT THESE NOOOOOODLES

in conclusion. your honor, i love her.

[spnregular]

@ samgirls im interested in meta on this bad episode (s9e4), is sam slyly like telling dean that he does not think she will come back while trying to save dean's feelings?

[lesbianpepsi]

Fuck it I love you

pairing: sam carpenter x fem!reader

summary: When paired with Tara Carpenter for a project you were expecting a B or maybe even an A. Not falling in love with Tara's older sister, Sam.

series masterlist

words: 2.320k

warnings: mean sam, light swearing, reader being down bad for our sammy, bad writing

authors note: alright my darlings the first chapter to the sam mini series as promised. the wonderful anon who requested this, my dear i am so sorry it took so long for me to get to this. although it's taken a while, i do hope you still enjoy this! feedback and comments are greatly appreciated:)

The wonders of college. 

You get to meet new people, explore your sexuality, party like there’s no tomorrow, try new things and staying up till three in the morning  crying over a piece of work that’s due that very morning that you decided to wait till the last minute to do only to instantly regret it, saying you’ll never do the same mistake next time but  knowing deep down inside you will. 

And of course the trials and tribulations of group projects. Something everyone loathed, and if anyone said otherwise they’re lying. 

You have never been a fan of group projects; so when your professor announced that you’ll be doing a pair project you couldn’t tell if you wanted to slap him or cry. Probably both. The absolute worst thing about projects that involve more than one party member is awkwardly asking a stranger if they’re willing to work with you.

That’s why when you heard that familiar sweet voice speak to you, you couldn’t help but smile. 

“You cool with doing this together?” Tara Carpenter asked you with a nervous smile. 

You and Tara aren’t exactly friends, more like acquaintances; if one missed a presentation the other would give them their notes to copy off of, saving a seat next to each other, saying hello if you ever see each other around campus. 

It isn’t the fact you don’t want to be friends with Tara, she seems like a really kind woman but she’s quite distant and quiet. You can’t judge her or shame her for it since you’re shy, awkward and always in a state of anxiety. 

Maybe this would be the push to make you and Tara become friends. 

You smile at the brunette with an appreciative gleam in your eyes. “Please. I was already planning a speech on why the professor should allow me to do this alone.” Tara laughs, covering her mouth with her hand as the corner of her eyes crinkled with delight. 

“Lucky for me then.” Tara stays silent for a few moments before she added. “Do you wanna just get the whole awkward phone exchange now?” 

You chuckled, nodding your head as you dug out your phone from the pocket of your hoodie, unlocking it and passing it over to her. Tara stares between and your phone almost bewildered with the fact you just passed your phone over to her without hesitation, rather than just saying your number. 

She slowly takes your phone and adds her phone number into your contacts texting herself before passing it back to you. You smiled at her as you pocketed your phone back into its original space of your pocket. 

___________

A few days have passed ever since you and Tara exchanged phone numbers but no plans had been made on when you two should start. You refused to leave this till the last second like you’ve done so many times before, swallowing your nerves you unlock your phone and send Tara a message.

Me (11:32am): hey tara it’s y/n from class, i was wondering what day we can meet to start our project. i was thinking we could meet in the library whenever you can :) 

Instantly you shut your phone off after the message is delivered; there always has been something so weirdly intimidating about messaging someone you don’t really know. Deciding to distract yourself you go make yourself a sandwich for lunch, leaving your phone in your room. 

After two episodes of New Girl and a delicious sandwich had been eaten you returned to your room in search of your phone. Flopping down on your bed you grab your phone and see Tara has messaged you back.

Tara (12:15pm): hi y/n:) if you’re free we can meet today to get started on our project? the only issue is that i can’t come to the library

Me (12:23pm): im more than good with today!! :D

Me (12:23pm): do you wanna come over to my apartment then??

Tara (12:24pm): actually is it alright if you come over to my apartment, around half two?

Me (12:24pm): yeah idm, just as long as we start it lol. where do you live?

Tara (12:28pm): the apartment complex near Blackmore, apartment number 56

Me (12:28pm): okie dokie, see you soon :D 

Tara (12:29pm): 😊👍

You grinned to yourself slightly proud you’ve decided to be smart and start this project early. You just hoped the actual planning of the project would go just as smoothly. 

___________

At two you decided to leave your apartment, wearing a simple white shirt along with some mom jeans. Not even ten minutes into your walk it began pouring down with rain, leaving you sprinting towards the complex as your heavy backpack hit your bag with every step. 

Slamming the double door entrance to the apartment complex open, you instantly gasp for breath as water drips off of every part of you. 

How fucking typical. 

You pull out your phone and with wet fingers you send Tara a quick message before slowly starting to walk up the stairs. 

By the second floor you started to get tired, by the third you began wondering why the fuck there isn’t an elevator in this place, by the fourth you’re questioning your life choices and by the time you arrive on the fifth floor you’re breathing like a life long smoker who just ran towards the store after noticing they’re out of cigarettes.

Like a zombie you walk over to the apartment door with the number ‘56’ on it, sluggishly you raise your hand and knock on the door two times.

After a painstakingly long time a woman answers the door, and you’re pretty sure your heart explodes at the sight of her. 

She’s got olive skin that looks so irresistibly smooth, dark brown eyes that glared at you, she’s around the same height of you if not maybe a bit taller. She’s leaning against the door frame as she’s only opened the door a small amount so her figure could be shown. 

Her lips are pulled in a tight straight line as her arms crossed over her stomach, the tight grey vest top she’s wearing showing off her impressive biceps. She’s glaring at you with her cold eyes as she glowers down at you. 

“Who are you?” She asks in a voice that is ever so raspy, her eyes gazing up and down your body. Your ears burn scarlet red at her eyes checking you out as you stare at her in awe. “I’m, uhm, Tara’s project partner. Y/n L/n.” You stutter out as you can feel your heart beating erratically in your chest. 

If this isn't gay panic you don’t know what is. 

“Why are you so wet?” She questions with judging eyes.

‘Cause of you

“It started raining after I left my apartment and I didn’t bring a coat.” You explained with a nervous smile as you locked eyes with the woman’s. 

She hummed as she turned to look behind her, after a few seconds the door opened wider and Tara appeared next to the woman, the height difference between the two almost making you laugh.

Tara smiled a small smile to you before it faded and changed into shocked one. “You’re soaked.” She states in a matter of fact way. You laugh nervously as you nod your head, rubbing the back of your neck with your hand. “Started raining on the way here.” 

She frowned concerned as she took a step back, allowing you to enter, while the older woman still stayed in the doorway, glaring daggers at you. You swallowed nervously as Tara glared at the woman. “Sam, she's fine, don't be a bitch.” 

Sam

Sam stares at you for a while before she reluctantly leaves the doorway and back into the apartment, you smile at Sam’s behaviour as you turn to look at Tara.

“Sorry about her, she's just really protective over me.” Tara apologises with a smile as you enter the apartment, closing the door behind you. 

As you get a good view of the apartment you notice two other people talking to Sam, you've seen them around Blackmore.

The three of them are glaring at you as they whisper among each other. When they notice you’re looking at them they silence, all silently staring back at you.

Without thinking, you wave your hand at them as you smile. “Hi, I’m Y/n. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you two before around campus.”

Tara doesn’t allow you to say more as her slender fingers wrap around your wrist as she drags you towards the dining table, your eyes remained on her beautiful sister Sam.

“I'll get you a towel, you prepare.” Tara tells you with a smile before taking off. You nod your head as you do as she said, take off your backpack and take out everything from inside it and place it onto the table.

Tara thankfully returns a few minutes later with a towel and a dry hoodie, she passes them over to you.

“You can borrow the hoodie if you want since your shirt is more than less see through.” She says with an amused laugh, you look down at blush at the fact it’s quite obvious you’re wearing a black bra.

“Thank you.” You tell her with an embarrassed laugh as you shamelessly take off your shirt and throw it into your bag before putting on the hoodie. It's warm and slightly too big for you, but you don’t mind it. 

Grabbing the towel you place it under you, making sure you wouldn’t utterly soak the chair from the rain on your pants.

She gives a smile before she begins talking about her plans on what you two could do, stretching to reach the notebook full of notes you had brought with you. 

You tried listening to Tara, you truly did, but not even five minutes after Tara had begun talking Sam had entered the kitchen to make a drink.

Suddenly every word Tara uttered it went into one ear and flew right through the other. 

Her back faced you as she grabbed the glass from the top cabinet, not even having to go on the tip of her toes to reach it, something the shorter Carpenter would definitely have to do.

You smiled without noticing the longer you gazed at the gorgeous woman as she carried on making her drink. 

“Y/n.” 

You snapped your head back at Tara who had her eyebrows raised. “Did you listen to anything I said?”

Sam turned to look at the both of you as she leaned against the counter, sipping her drink. Her eyes focused on you as she drank at a slow pace.

You smiled nervously at her to which Sam only scowled back at you. 

“Yeah, uhm, work and stuff right?” You waffled with a smile, Tara simply sighed as she shook her head. She went to say something but got interrupted by her older sister.

“Is that my hoodie?” Your head whips back towards Sam’s direction, Sam’s eyes focused on you. You blushed as you noticed Tara and let you borrow McHottie’s Sam's hoodie, not hers.

Your fingers toyed with the bottom of the hoodie nervously, before you could reply with utter gibberish Tara answered over you. “I let her borrow it since she was completely soaked.” She explained with a brief tight smile.

Sam hummed as she dropped the glass onto the counter. “But why give my hoodie to her? Why not yours?” 

“Because It was closest to me, Sam. Jesus she isn’t going to do anything so calm down.” Tara defended you in an annoyed tone now, her eyes glaring at Sam as she leaned on her hand. “And tell Chad and Mindy to cut it out with the staring.” 

“I can give it back if you’d like?” You gingerly asked. Both of the girl’s heads snapped towards you at your words. 

“You don’t have to-” Tara started before Sam interrupted her speedily 

“Yes. Give it back.” She demanded, pushing herself off the counter as she advanced towards you. Without hesitation you ripped the hoodie off of you, pulling it over your head quickly as your shirt rolled up with it.  

You smiled sweetly at her as you passed her the hoodie with your right hand, your left hand not so subtly pulling down your shirt. Her fingers grazed over your knuckles as she retrieved the jumper from your hand, her eyes ogling at your shirt momentarily. 

Her eyes connected with yours again as she pulled the hoodie to her side, she glowered over you as you looked up at her with a nervous smile. 

She’s so fucking pretty, oh my fucking-

“Don’t give my stuff out again, Tara.” Sam told her sister as her eyes stayed glued to yours, “Sure, whatever, will you just leave now?” Tara says with annoyance clear in her tone, Sam stared at you for a few more seconds before she fulfilled her sister’s wish by leaving the kitchen silently. 

Your eyes followed her leaving until she was out of your sight. Your eyes landed on the glaring twins to which you smiled awkwardly at them before you returned your attention back to Tara. 

The shorter girl huffed as she flicked through a few pages of a notebook. “Sorry about her, she’s just really protective over me.” She apologised again.

You smiled dreamily at her as you thought more of the older sister. “You don’t have to apologise, it’s actually kinda sweet.” 

Tara gives you a funny look as she snorts a laugh, her fingers finally stopping as she lands on the particular page she was looking for. “You must be delusional if you think Sam is sweet.” 

Guess I’m delusional then, you thought with a smile as your eyes gazed over the half full glass Sam had left in the kitchen. 

[hearthouses]

happy wincest wednesday!! do you think it's just a continuity error that dean claims they haven't spoken in 2 years in the pilot?

Short answer: no, I don't.

If it was a continuity error, it wouldn't happen more than once. Dean also mentions it in Dead in the Water.

Do I think that maybe the writers don't know how to do math? Possibly. When Dean comes to get Sam, he's most likely just starting his senior year, which would be when he'd be applying to grad schools and doing interviews, so technically it would only have been roughly around three years, not four or two.

But I do think the fact they use it twice within the scripts two different episodes is significant, so I tend to lean towards two years was intentional and I believe it also makes emotional sense. When you watch the pilot, they come off like exes who had a bad breakup and they're using the fight between John and Sam as the excuse for not talking. There's a lot of energy under the surface that feels like there was a specific fracture between the two of them that had little to do with John and Sam leaving, and their own personal anger and resentment towards each other. Dean is very specific about never bothering or asking Sam for things in two years, which to me, feels weird for their dynamic (Dean is often the provider, and they don't fully fall into their equal dynamic until they go through their S1 journey).

Laying all that out, my most persistent headcanon is that Dean must have shown up some time in Sam's freshman year needing help and things spiraled from there. I love the idea of a Stanford era affair because I think Sam specifically never wanted to leave Dean behind, but was also too scared to ask Dean to come with him, and I think Dean would have trouble resisting stopping in and interacting with Sam, but he would need an excuse of some sort. I love how they miscommunicate because of their own internalized fears about how the other would react: Sam is too scared to push and ask Dean to stay with him because knowing Dean wouldn't tears him up inside and Dean is too scared to stay and fuck up what he thinks Sam wants—which is a normal, regular person life. The angst of the era is delicious and they’re never going to effectively talk about it, so it becomes this thing between them that grows along with the time and distance.

[zmediaoutlet]

hello love <3 happy wincest wednesday!! do you have a favourite canon wincest dynamic shift? there are many times in the show where something happens that dramatically changes the relationship they have/how they look at it, and i'm wondering which one you find the most compelling. it doesn't have to literally be one moment-- eg. mine is the transition from s9 -> s10 where sam watches dean die and then dives HARD into curing the MOC after s9, where he's so deliciously withholding.

happy wincest wednesday!! we're back from the wincest wars! <333

goddamn, that's such a good answer I wish I could immediately steal it, haha -- especially with how mostly-unspoken it is. I'd also pull in there the thing that starts to happen in late s9, probably around the AAAA episode, where Sam starts to really notice what he said has done to Dean's mindset and is getting quietly worried, but can't actually -- say anything. Delish :pinchy fingers emoji:

There's a couple of faaantastic dynamic shifts -- after John dies and they have their rebel/loyalist flip; the thing that rots through s4 where pity and fear almost ruin everything; the thing in s3 where Sam really realizes what's about to slip through his fingers and starts to get wild. Season 6! Season 8! so much!!!

but for my heart-home I think I should pick s11, and very specifically this thing that happens in the kind of middle of that season where Dean seems to actually fully accept Sam's protectiveness, and it finally feels like the most equal version of the partnership. Sam did a horrific thing to save Dean's morality -- not even his life, which is kind of a cheap product, but to get back the Dean he recognized and loved -- and he says he'd do it again (with a little sop to 'and that has to change' -- lol, lmao. good luck with that, darling). Meanwhile Dean, who has indeed been a horrible shitbag for a while there, and still obv is in his Dean era of 'I'm the worst person who's ever lived' -- buuut Sam saved him, and brought him back from the brink, and proved maybe that there was something worth saving, as a result. Sam's got pretty good taste, after all. Dean's got another black mark on his soul with Amara's obsession looming over him, and Sam's got a fearful Lucifer-based worry crawling up his back, but -- something about the dynamic settles, and heals something that had been broken since that s9 moment you reference. Shit, it balances something that had been spinning a little wrong since s5, s2, since they were kids, probably. It becomes clear that this is a truly, thoroughly equal partnership, and that's something that... really hadn't been fully clear, all this time.

The specific moment I keep thinking of is the bit at the end of Love Hurts where Dean feels able to admit that his 'deepest desire' was Amara, and Sam accepts it completely without judgment, and then assures Dean that he'll do whatever he needs to do to help if Dean can't manage. Dean accepts it, even if he's embarrassed. That's just -- different. For so many years the Winchesters have been on this rocking see-saw, one of them in the dirt and one of them heroic and saving his brother. It used to be a joke. "Another season of Supernatural? Which one of them is gonna betray the other/die this year?" s11 represents a total break with that past into: they are a team. One of them can be weak and the other will understand and shore them up on the crippled side until they're whole again, and it's--fine. No shame and no worry that the partnership will be broken or weakened as a result. It's the fullest representation of the marriage that was gestured at in s8 -- tested, almost broken, repaired, now an alloy much stronger than steel.

There is a reason s11 is my favorite.