#defusion

[hanro50]

Well....had to use ai for something related to work. One of the rejected images fit the feeling of the blog so I snagged it and used it.

If y'all want I can switch back, but I like the alien feeling the image has. Like a man lost in the far reaches of reality...not sure if they're even a man anymore. The desolate beauty of the alien landscape and the artificial origin. That and I'm broke...

Yes the old background was fed as an input.

[ramyeonpng]

control how you respond to things sent to destroy your peace

[keefwho]

August 18 - 2023 Friday

7:54 AM

Since I'm going hard with the exercises my book wants me to do, I'll be doing a lot of writing here. A lot of the same thing over and over. Multiple times a day I have schedules periods where I want to identify common thoughts plaguing me, defuse from them, and perform awareness exercises that focus on physical awareness of my body.

I am alone. I should feel lonely. I'm being ignored. I'm not valued. I can't get better or grow myself.

I'm sure I'll identify more thoughts in the future, right now things aren't too bad. I have typical stories floating about in my head, stories I've told myself to the point they are like gospel. The story that I belong alone, the story I am worthless, and the story that I am stagnant. They are all generated in my head based loosely on real life data. But I pick and choose data that works against me because I like to see myself fail. That could be the overarching plot, the story that I am a complete failure. The Failure of Keith I could call it.

This will likely get shortened every time I have to do it, I only mean to identify and document the stories currently in my head so I can keep becoming aware of them. I also intend to do an exercise which focuses on my breath in order to practice focus away from my thoughts.

12:31 PM

Today is gonna suck, I can't have meaningful conversation. I'm going to be bored, I can't figure out what I want. I don't deserve happiness. I can't operate on my own.

11:57 PM

Already I didn't do all the defusion I meant to today only because I was SO busy literally all day.

This morning I ate spicy ramen, spam, and green beans and a couple golden oreos with my coffee. It was a big big breakfast, almost half of my daily calories but I needed that since I haven't been eating as much lately and have been down about a pound. I think that's also why I've been so physically tired and unable to do my workouts.

Stream went okay, I did a nice color study and finished another pic of my otter but it took a lot longer than I thought. We watched the Dr Zalost episode of Courage which was actually so good, a real masterpiece. I ended stream early so I could do some painting in VR for my bestie which went very well. I think the painting is coming out nice and I met a very nice girl who I discussed psychology and emotions with. We had very similar opinions on the matter which was refreshing.

That lasted about and hour and then I did my boxing workout. It was kinda tough but I did the whole thing, the big breakfast really helped out. I was going to clean my bed but I was already behind schedule so I decided to put it off until tomorrow given how long it'll take to wash all my blankets. Lunch was a bologna sandwich with some rice and a pear cup.

While working on my YCH I hung out in my friend's server and talked about my feelings a little bit. I did all my work there and then some, doing a couple studies based off pics my bestie sent. I did those in a different server call with people that wanted me to play Roblox but only after I did my studies. I played with them for a little bit before hopping in VR which was pretty fun. I hung out with 4 different friend groups, a little bit each. In one group there was something about one guy's avatar that actually had me wanting to grind up on him but I wasn't actually going to do that, it was also the alcohol talking. Kinda weird and out of nowhere for me to feel though. I did talk with him about Craig of the Creek though which I've never met anyone else that watched it.

Dinner had been Rice a Roni and Chicken strips while drinking.

Right now deep deep down I'm having thoughts like:

No one truly cares about me. If they do, I can't learn to accept it. Tomorrow I won't be as productive as I want.

All just stories. The same ones over and over.

[the-hex-project]

Fusion!

#9AD2CE

#F7AF3E

[grouchydairy]

Tbh, tumblr text posts are a kind of defusion from my thoughts bc with time I get to see my perspective from the past from a less emotional less pressing place and can see things with clearer hindsight

[imnotditzy]

I cannot stop laughing at the how insane Captain looks with DTC.

Their constantly at each others throats too,

(Cap’s resting his head on his palm, the leagues talking about taxes or something — Blly asked DTC what’s their favorite animals are and Zeus said a dinosaur)

Mercury: Zeus, I believe the boy means ‘living’ animals

Zeus: 😐

Hercules: I don’t mind lions, though I had to strangle one once.

Billy: You strangled a lion?

Hercules: It was a debt of my twelve labors.

Billy: …

Billy: You’re broke? Hercules: …

Hercules: 👺

Achilles: Is that twelve more labors I see?

Solomon: I’d choose ant. Zeus: Ant?

Solomon: Yes.

Zeus: No.

Solomon: Pardon?

Zeus: No. I will not be ridiculed for my choice when you chose an Ant. An ant, Solomon. Why? It’s barely on Earth.

Solomon: It’s respectable; It’s one of the most hard working things on earth, yet it’s the size of a crump.

Zeus: It would get organ failure over a crumb.

*dramatic gasps like their on a reality tv show*

Billy (looking scandalized while Batman drones on about tax breaks): 😧

[rykundsz-art]

Those feelings are his own.

[bottombaron]

oh ok so its the usual no-homo bullshit you always hear, good to know.

[giotanner]

November 21st, 2023, Channel Tunnel, Strait of Dover. Another chest candy for Sgt. John “Soap” MacTavish.

Months in the hospital, then in Task Force 141's MOB. Recovery was gradual, but solid, and Soap was readmitted to Captain John Price's squad six months later.

Lt. Simon “Ghost” Riley gave him a set of knives and ordered him to practice as a welcome back and Sgt. Kyle “Gaz” a helmet.

Soap laughed.

(If I can't change things with my drawings then what would be the joy of being able to draw?)

SUPPORT the video on tiktok and REBLOG it, please! It helps so much (tumblr is one of the last social that works for artists!)

Ko-fi

[froody]

mom’s parting punishment on the couch pisser

[daily-chilchuck]

[theminecraftbee]

yeah, i'm actually really fascinated by the setup going into the last episode here.

like. okay. so the thing is: despite the tasks and the secrecy and the chaos, secret life has actually been a season of INCREDIBLY STABLE ALLIANCES. i don't think alliances have been this stable since third life. people keep on re-affirming their loyalty to one another, sacrificing themselves for one another, dying for one another.

the difference between this and third life, though, is that there aren't blood feuds driving this whole thing. sure, there are some grudges (the cleo/pearl enemyship from this season instantly exploding, for example) and some loners (poor scar) but. NOTHING like the level the end of a life series season normally gets to. everyone is mostly... friendly? and they're going to protect their own alliance first, but...

the thing is, no one has an incentive outside of the tasks to kill, it feels like. despite several tasks seemingly being DESIGNED to form grudges, that lack of grudge, killing energy is felt ALL THROUGHOUT this session. the reds only went after yellows, after all, and even that felt... almost half-hearted and cartoonish, compared to how it normally gets when there are only a few yellows left and a critical mass of reds. and without yellows to target here, what drive do the red names have to start killing?

they don't have any reason to betray each other, and they also don't have any reason to lead their allies into danger, right now. we're in a calm before the storm, sure, but i have no idea what can even START the storm.

something has to blow this up next. something has to make this fall apart. but for the season about secrets, this has been a season of people who largely stick together, and i don't know if anything can change that at this point. not when everyone is settling back into their alliances after the zombie thing last session.

i suspect we're going to have a different kind of ending: an ending of people who don't want to be doing it. who are tired. who don't want to be killing. all they want is to protect their alliances. they're on an even playing field now, after all.

the only difference from the start of the game, now, is that they have people to lose, and three already missing. three holes in the cast list to remind us that this is still a death game, even after two deathless sessions later.

i don't know where this is going. i don't know what this is setting up. but it's... strange, and i'm fascinated.

[grouchydairy]

After writing at least 5k words about it, I'm ready to defuse from this experience and anger and to make space for other things in my life. :) Sometimes it takes me a while :)

[cosmicaces]

let's talk about pino!

according to the whm booklet, rody's quirk is always active. she isn't always present, though. from what we can see in the movie, pino primarily nests in rody's hair!

so... is there a trend?

obviously she hops out when a strong emotion flares up, but it seems like she's also more likely to be out and about when he's feeling relatively safe/comfortable? she's present when he says goodbye to his siblings, she's present when they're settling down for that first night on the run, she's present when they're in the hotel, etc. etc.

there are only a few times where pino is present during an action scene. the first instance is, of course, during the first chase scene when she flew out to stop deku. she briefly remained out, notifying rody that they were still being chased before disappearing. she appears again when he's going down the rail, disappears, and then comes out of his hair again to check on him after he was almost crushed by falling debris.

pino was not present during the attempted betrayal. after leading deku to him, we can presume that, offscreen, she returned to his hair or went into his hood. the next time she comes out is when rody finally warms up to deku in the cave scene.

it's also worth noting that she is not present during the following villain encounter, only coming out for introductions when their safety was guaranteed.

honestly, the only time we actually see pino in harm's way is during the battle with flect, and that was because rody relied on her to not only signal deku, but to catch the flash drive.

why am i talking about this? well, and this is a far-fetched assumption that's going to get into more headcanon/character interpretation territory, but hear me out:

pino is very similar to something from another property: the daemons from his dark materials. for anyone unaware: daemons are the physical manifestation of a person's soul and take the form of an animal. they mirror the way their human interacts with others and can provide emotional insight into how their human is feeling, which is... like i said before, VERY similar to how pino functions.

with this in mind, one has to wonder if their similarities end there or if, potentially, pino shares some other functionalities as a daemon. namely... if pino gets hurt, can rody feel it?

i know that her main function as a quirk is to articulate rody's feelings. still, her tendency to stay out of harm's way really makes you think, especially since we don't see her get injured at any point. little roughed up, sure! but not injured.

[realuity]

Torment Nexus